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#but im trying to keep a promise i made. i promised I wouldn't off myself and i intend on keeping that
xxmia0wxx · 4 months
Text
ENOCK
(Pomni X Caine Fic)
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(Caine and Pomni have been together for a while now, even though Pomni is happy with him, She still suffers from Panic attacks that keeps her from living her best life and constantly on the brink of abstracting, Which Caine simply cannot let slide! So He gives Her a very speical Present)
( This is my first Ship fic, sorry if its corny/cringe )
"POMNI MY DARLING!"
He Teleported through the halls frantically Looking for Pomni who he heard was Having another stress attack, It seems no matter How hard He tries to keep her Happy, the looming threat of anxiety and Being Trapped in a fake world was always to much for her.
Caine Could never Understand, Pomni Always Said She was happy with him, He made her laugh and Smile, He worked so hard to learn to empathize and to have Emotions So she could Be As happy as Possible.
'Was it his Fault? He was Made to Make People Happy, And absolutely needs pomni to be happy, Was he not doing it right? He learned so much about humans, but their still so complicated and impossible understand'
"POMNI?"
Caine found Pomni curled up in a little ball in a corner in one of the rooms, She was hyperventilating and glitching again
'UH OH'
"POMNI! I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!"
He Manifests a warm blanket and Wraps it around her to comfort her, He also hads Her a cat Plushie and some water, Her breathing slows down a bit
"Thank you Caine"
She wasn't Glitching anymore, but she still looked sad
"DO YOU NEED ANYING ELSE?"
"FRESH DIGITAL AIR? A ROOM FILLED WITH FRIENDLY CATS? SAY THE WORD AND ITS YOURS MY DEAR!"
Pomni was always so endeared by him, Always trying so hard to make everyone happy even if it dosent always work, its the thought that makes him so sweet
"I'm Fine..."
"...MY DEAR, IM HAVING TROULE BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE 'FINE'."
he floating down to her level
"PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG? I CAN'T LET YOU ABSTRACT, I NEED YOU!"
"....Ive just been feeling so... Stressed lately and I dont know why, I-I don't think I have any reason To be, But I just Am and I-I C-cant help it and... im sorry that y-you can't help.."
Her eyes started tearing up a little
He just put his Hand on her shoulder, He was starting to feel a little depressed himself
"POMNI I'M SO SORRY! I PROMISE I WILL NEVER STOP TRYING TO KEEP YOU SANE I PROMISE! JUST... TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO!"
"I-I don't know what you can do"
She cuddled into him resting Her head on his chest, Caine Gave her a little Head pat in response, he was starting to feel alittle Hopeless now, But then a little light bulb popped over his head as He got a Idea.
"EUREKA! IVE GOT IT!"
"Got What?"
Caine thought for a moment on How to Explain his Plan to her, It was a long shot but still, Everything for her or nothing at all
"POMNI, I ADORE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?"
He sounded Weirdly more Serious than Usual, which was kinda off putting and confuseing, but she Was Listening
"Yes? I Love you to Caine, Where are you Going with this?"
"WELL... I HAVE BEEN LEARNING MORE ABOUT HUMANS AND HOW THEY WORK, AND WHAT MAKES THEM FELL JOY... SO HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT A LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY OF OUR OWN?"
Pomni Was a Little Confused and Startled by this, He couldn't possibly be saying what she thinks hes saying
"W-What do you mean?
"IM TALKING ABOUT YA-KNOW ONE OF THOSE LITTLE ANKLE-BITERS! YOUNG-UNS! IM TALKING ABOUT CHILDERN MY DEAR! DOSENT THAT SOUND MAGNIFICENT!"
Pomni Just stared off into space processing What Caine Just proposed to her
'Was he Crazy?! Okay Absolutely, Yes But Still- Is he Crazy!?'
"Caine, I can Barley Take care of Myself, How can I take care of a Child?!"
"IT WOULDN'T BE LIKE ANY OTHER CHILD, IT WOULD BE AN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE! AND WE AI'S ARE KNOWN FOR OUR LOW MANTIENCE! BESIDES, THEIR IS NOTHING MORE FULFILING LIKE THE WONDERS OF PARENTHOOD! SOMETHING TO REPLACE ALL THE ICKY DEPRESSION WITH LOVE AND JOY!"
Pomni was feeling a bit more enticed by the idea, What Else is there to do here expect the Adventures Caine sets out for them? Maybe a Child Could give at least the Illusion of normalcy, And Caine being there with her to help her.only made her feel more convinced
"Well... maybe... But how? I mean Like... How would that Even work..? I mean Can you even Do THAT in Digital realm??"
"WELL OF COURSE WE CAN HAVE CHILDREN MY DEAR!"
Pomni's Face starting turning bright red, Caine Quickly Noticed and became flustered himself
"N-NOT LIKE THAT! I MEANT I COULD CREATE A LEARNING AI FOR US TO RAISE TOGETHER-"
pomni started Giggling a little at Caine being flustered, Caine Always loved that Adorable Face she Made when she was happy, That little giggle, and how shy and sweet she was when she was flustered, its what made him learn to Love and experience things which he couldn't Even Imagine before
"i would find a way to bypass the filter for you"
"What was that Caine?"
"NOTHING-"
"SO MY DEAR, WILL YOU ACCEPT?"
She Thought about it for a while, maybe like Five minutes, Before she Started tearing up in anticipation
"OH GOODNESS MY DEAR! ARE YOU ALR-"
"A-ABSOLUTELY YES!"
She rammed into him, Embraceing him in tight hug
"I wanna have a Child!"
She was still sniffling a bit, Caine Was Just staring into Space for A bit, bursting with enthusiasm at the thought of Pomni being Happy, but also Having his own progeny to raise
"WELL THEN MY DEAR! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO!"
Caine left pomni's embrace and back up in the air a bit, He felt across his Teeth and grabbed one of his Molars, and Yanked it out in a Cartoony Fashion.
"THIS WILL DO WONDERFULLY!"
"NOW MY DEAR, I JUST NEED A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM YOU"
He Grabbed Her Eye and Pulled it out like a Berry in a bush, being as gentle as he can with it, Pomni was already pretty used to Caine's antics at this point so it didn't bother her that much, He Grabbed one of her hats Tassles and Yanked on it, And a new eye roll into place for her
"KNOW LETS SEE!"
He manifested a Little Gift Box and Dropped The pieces into It, and Shook it vigorously for about two minutes, Pomni watching with Excitement and smiling the whole time
"NOW, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH! ARE YOU READY MY DEAR!"
Pomni just vigorously nodded her head not being able to keep calm
"I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES!"
Caine Put the Box into Pomni's hands, Trembling alittle, Pomni slowly opened the box.
She saw a Little Tooth-Like Creature with Big wet Colorful Pinwheel Eyes, The Little Tooth Just Stared at Her with Its Wet Eyes as it Draw back into the Box
Pomni lowerd her Hand to give it a little Stroke, It Snuggled up Against her Hand, purring while doing so
Pomnis looked at it with instant love for the little Creature, picking it up And Holding it Close to her, it cuddling her arm with its Roots as arms, She felt all her Stress, dread, anxiety and sadness fade away, Pomni had tears in her eyes at this point
"....Its Beautiful Caine, I love him"
"TERRIFIC! I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT!"
Caine floated down to see his new child, His pupils Immediately Went big as he Gazed upon The little Tooth, It looked at its Father with Large Eyes and extending its root-legs to be held by him, He picked him up and Looked him in the eyes
"....WELL HELLO THERE SPORT! AND WELCOME TO THE DIGITAL CIRCUS! IM YOUR CREATOR AND FATHER CAINE, AND THIS IS YOUR MOTHER POMNI!"
The little baby Tooth just Stared him, and Cuddled into him like a Kitten, and Caines eyes went big
Pomni Went up to Him and Gave Caine a hug
".....Hes perfect"
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Thanks for reading!!!
Here Enock Himself if your wondering
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naeverse · 4 months
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I was wondering if u declined the birthday request thingy cuz i was waiting for it lmao-hi! Yeah the birthday thing that might or might not be my birthday lol i was hesitating actually to send that at first im glad u liked the idea it was too personal request that i was hoping to be like a little gift thingy lol AH CANT WAIT IEJDJDJD
(m giving myself a nickname call me ❄️)
OMG I'm so happy that you saw the oopsie I made and resent your request!! I was beating myself up so much that night! 😭😭
And don't ever be afraid to request me anything. I love writing for you lovely people! 😊
But I hope you enjoy your birthday gift from me! 💜💜
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Miguel would be the type of boyfriend you don’t really expect to do anything for your birthday. Although, you wouldn't mind it with him being the leader of the Spider Society and Spiderman. 
Your boyfriend is a busy man, and just his company on your birthday would be enough. 
But this time, he surprised you. 
He turned up at your door with a bouquet, a gift box, and a bag of takeout food. “Thought I'll keep you guessing.” He said with a deep chuckle, leaving you in shock.
You invite him in and the two of you settle onto your sofa, beginning to eat the delicious food he’d selected to celebrate your big day, which was succulent and left you wondering how much he spent on such a delectable meal. 
Whilst you busied yourself in finishing up in eating, he set up your bouquet of flowers; removing their plastic wrap, snipping the end of the stems, and placing them into a glass vase of water. 
The beautiful plants were your favorite color and bloomed beautifully as he set the vase onto the center of your dining table. The flowers, being a symbol of his love for you despite being his usual stoic self on the outside. 
When he returned to the couch, you were stuffed and content, but your boyfriend wasn’t finished with his bearing of gifts. He pulls out the present from before, handing it to you with a smile.
“Open it.” He simply said as you could tell he was trying to hide the anticipation on his chiseled face whilst waiting for you to reveal the gift he'd chosen. 
Although Miguel was a coldhearted man to others, he was deep down, sentimental. Inside of your gift box was something that set your heart ablaze, and knocked you off your feet.
Inside of the box was an expensive necklace, one that held the initials, ‘M.O’ on it.
His initials. 
At the sight, you almost shed a tear, which only made him laugh, insisting on allowing him to put it on you. You’ll hand him the sacred jewelry, settling it in his large palm. Delicately, he moved your hair to one side, giving him better access before binding the necklace together around your neck. 
When you turn around to face him with his initials dangling in the center of your collarbones, it makes his heart skip a beat. “How do I look?” You ask, which only brings a smile to his tanned lips.
“Sexy. Like always.” He says, unable to contain himself and pulling you into a kiss; one that is passionate and searing, and would leave one dizzy but longing for more when you depart. 
But Miguel wasn’t planning on letting you go anytime soon. 
His radio, signalling the crimes happening in Nueva York could fill the room and he would still not leave your side. 
Not tonight…
Upon choosing and customizing the beautiful necklace for you, he had made a promise to himself. 
That once he'd placed the gorgeous jewelry onto your neck, the one bearing his initials that marked you as his - he would grant you a night full of passion and love.
One that would be full of your cries of his name, and leave your body satisfied and his love for you, evident. Even then, he wouldn't stop cherishing you. 
He'll continue making love to you, with the gorgeous necklace holding his initials upon your neck until your birthday is over, the birds have awoken from their slumber and the sun is rising in the morning sky. 
Even when your peaks have been reached and the heated passions between the two of you have ceased, he wouldn't stop showing his love. 
You’ll lay together under the disarray of sheets and blankets, snuggling into one another. His thick fingers combing through your hair whilst you rested against his hardened pecs. His steady heartbeat, touch, and warmth slowly lulling you to sleep. 
Before succumbing to the land of dreams, you'll feel his plush lips, pressing a kiss upon your head and soon hear his deep voice, whispering lovingly into your ear.  
“Happy Birthday, mi amor.”
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A/N: Happy Belated birthday❄️!
I hope you enjoyed the gift! 🎉🎂
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kokonoihell · 9 months
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okay I have generally always considered myself a full on sub (in theory, never done anything in practice but maybe one day lmao)
but idk reading sub!gepard and sub!sampo with dom!reader is... Doing things to my brain idk. I just wanna ruin them. this is very new to me so Im like AHHH?????
imagine (consensually) filming Gepard as you're milking his prostate or eating him out, so you can show him later all the pretty faces he made. Or punishing Sampo after he went out for a business deal he promised he wouldn't go and do. Delaying his orgasm and then over stimming him bcus "he is so greedy, I'm sure he can take another one"
AAAHHH
welcome welcome KSNDQJWLW I'm glad I could unlock this dom! desire within you HAHAHAHA I still got it babey😼😼
omg filming gepard is so... good??? setting up the camera and he sees himself in that screen and just blushes a cute shade of pink before dropping his head into his elbow, hiding his face. and when you eat him out you let him hide for a little, more focused on pleasuring him and making sure he feels more relaxed, with the unfamiliar setup shifting the tension a little. when you notice him hide his noises however... you gently pat his cheek, reprimanding him for hiding from you and himself, encouraging him to act freely. (in the video you can see him freeze for a second before he gives the tiniest nod)
and when you milk his prostate after his first orgasm, 3 fingers stuffed into his sloppy hole, only then do you reach forward and sink your fingers into the blond hair, dragging his head up from his hiding place and showing his debauched, flushed face to the camera 🥰 he doesn't know where to look and ends up closing his eyes, especially since he getting close again, dick twitching between his legs as you prod at his prostate harshly with your fingers making him let out the cutest "ah ah ah"s. afterwards when you look at the video he can't help but hide his face in his hands, shaking his head before trying to hide into your neck and sob about how embarassing he looks. you just coo at him, gently stroking his back and reassure him that you love seeing him like that.
SAMPO... he winces when he closes the door behind him, expecting to see his client and instead finding you, waiting on the sofa. and you only give him the fakest, closed eyed smile he'd ever seen, before you point at the floor in front of you. he quickly makes his way to you, kneeling on the floor and folding his hands in his lap. he doesn't expect you to bring one of your shoes to his thighs, just pressing there, not doing anything.
but sampo suddenly starts thinking less clearly than before, since your shoe is pressing around in close proximity to his dick. and you make him massage your legs, moaning and whining about always having to keep him out of trouble. when you finally spare him and start stepping on the hardened dick straining against his pants, he gasps out a thank you, even wrapping his palms around your ankle, trying to make you step down harder. but oh he's gonna regret it soon when after he cums, you bring your second foot up to his shoulder and kick him down, now standing above him and never taking the pressure off of his weeping dick.
GET ME AWAY FROM THIS PHONEEEE EEEEEEEEE
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dreamingdarklyblog · 6 months
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Soooo...
Okay soooo um... This is going to be difficult and awkward. But I'm going to do it.
So... Yesterday, when we were playing, my writing partner asked me to write a post for him. Actually he "suggested" I write a post for him.
I was... really out of it at the time. He'd made my breasts really large, and... It seems when he does that I get really foggy and suggestible >_<. Which just... So fucking hot >_<. But I digress.
He told me I would go and write a post for him, and I wouldn't feel embarrassed at all while I was writing it. But would normally after I was done. You get the idea.
Thing is. Shit happened, and I didn't get the chance to write it yesterday before the uh... suggestion wore off. So now I'm feeling pretty damn embarrassed writing this >_<. And let me tell you it's SUPER weird like, remembering suggestions. And remembering how it felt when they were working? And being aware that they aren't now, but, still knowing about it? It's really hard to explain. The pretzel that it kinda ties my head into >_<
And then today MORE shit happened. And apparently he hurt his back yesterday, and passed out feeling bad, today I mean. So I really want him to wake up with a nice post to read, that I know he wanted to read about...
So I'm just going to struggle through it trying not to die of terminal embarrassment.
So what he wanted me to post about was how addicted to rubbing my clit I am >_<. And about how much I love it... and how amazing it is, and some stories about uh... rubbing. Which is so weird >_<. and hot...
I mean... I know I'm addicted. But. I don't care? And. I mean. Being able to remember a lot of this, the suggestions and... The conditioning. I KNOW he's making it worse/better/stronger. But. I was already addicted, right? So. Was I? Or do I just remember being? Which is so confusing. But also so hot >_<
Speaking of rubbing... I need a break >_<
So yeah. Okay. That didn't help the embarrassment. Helped make it a bit easier to focus though. It's just so hard to go very long without rubbing. You have no idea. I probably edged three times in the car yesterday. In traffic. Stuck at lights. I know I probably shouldn't. I'm being safe though I promise. I'm just so horny all the time. It feels so good to be horny all the time. I just. I love how it feels >_<. I guess it's not ALL the time... But I wish it was. That's one reason I keep rubbing so much, like, whenever I don't feel so horny I start rubbing more just trying to stay horny all the time...
break time
Fuck. Really not helping the embarrassment at ALL. UUuuughh. He/you guys better appreciate this. You can tell me if it turns you on. Honestly. I just... I love making people horny >_<. I don't know why. It just makes me feel so... Um... I guess useful? Validated? that's so weird >_<. Ugh. But yeah. If reading this is turning you on please tell me? I'll probably rub myself silly reading it >_<. Fuck im horny >_<. And seriously, can you die from blushing? Lol...
So uh... Stories. Stories about rubbing myself >_<. That's what he said I think... I um. Well. Like i said. In the car... and um. Well. This morning, when I was talking to him, and in the shower. I got really distracted in the shower >_<. And kinda... at breakfast >_<. I was eating and realized I was rubbing too...
yesterday i caught myself pressing against the waahsing machine. had been there probably ten minutes before i realized. And when i was tryingt o do some excercises. Physiohas me doing like, pelvic thrusts? how can you NOT have sexy thoughts doing pelvic thrusts?
break time fuck
yesterday i waskinda rubbing watching tv, andat one point had to run off to the bathroom to rub when i was stuck around people >_< it had been hours and i just. It was too long. i cant go thrat long withotu rubbing my clit. or i dont want to. i dont know. cant/dontwannt to. KIndof a blurry line atm.
fuck im so horny breaks arent working im just typing and rubbing with my other hand or using both and grindignon a pillow ijust fuck i cantt im toohorny
i
igotta go and
rub
mroe
iohope this postwasgood for you and him and everyone and please tellme if it made you hornyor you came oh fuck i hope you came please tell me fuck i need to cum so bad
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sinning-23 · 11 months
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Socket Wrench: Chapt. 2
Heres chapter 2 yall ummmmm im actually pretty happy about it buttt I'm still tryna build that tension between Dk and the reader so far so good? Anyway Enjoy!
Chapter 1 found here
Chapter 2: You fight like a substitute teacher
Apparently, you'd been in the garage all hours of the night and even into the morning. Being a fast learner had its perks especially when you seemed to be getting every trial-and-error test right on the first try. Even though DK had left you to fend for yourself a few passersby watching you get used to the tech gave you some pointers which you were thoroughly thankful for. 
You were lucky enough to have your phone in somewhat good condition and your headphones managed to stay in your pocket after all that happened (yes sirrrrr). It had to be a miracle because lord knows you wouldn't be able to focus without some kind of music. You'd been working on building your own bike from pieces of different kart models. These mods were crazy, speaking of which, the wheels and the rims and-
“Did you sit here all night?” A seemingly familiar voice asks, echoing in the emptiness of the garage. Everyone else had long gone, but DK did say he would up check on you later. Guess he kept his word, you smile at the thought.
“Maybe, these karts are amazing. I couldn't bring myself to stop working” You huff, brushing the oil off your hands and onto your pants and trying to wipe whatever grime off your face. 
A few stray braids are loose from your ponytail and the light sheen of sweat covering you made your skin glisten a bit. The sun was just about to rise and here you were, not having a wink of sleep and covered in….hell just dirt in general.
He’d never say it out loud but god did you look good like that, all rugged and tomboyish. He liked that you knew how to carry your weight here and were more than capable of doing it on your own. All independent like.
“You don't have this where you're from?” DK asks, circling your half-done bike as if to inspect your craftsmanship.
Damn, you really knew your shit. The bike looked great and for you to only have been in the kingdom for about a day and in the garage for even less? To say he was impressed was an understatement. 
“Nope, and we certainly don't have strange kingdoms and talking animals.” You chuckle, rolling a differently styled wheel towards the bike to see if you liked the look of it.
You’d definitely have to add those later, they’d make your bike much faster that way.
This had to be the most comfortable silence you'd felt the entire time you'd been here and the start of an actually decent conversation with the so-called prince.  He watched you work and you zoned in on the little details like how your paint looked and how comfortable the seat was.
Despite him absolutely radiating frat vibes when you'd met him, the air seemed kinda mellowed out far more than when you’d first met. And even so, the vibes were kind of….flirty?
“Hey, speaking of which, why don’t you give me a tour? Not everyone can say they got a tour from a prince in a kingdom in a completely different universe.” You suggest, gauging his reaction and gosh was it promising. 
He smiles a bit, shrugging his shoulders in response.
“How about you get cleaned up and I’ll meet you back here when you’re done.” He offers, nodding at your current state. 
—-------
The kingdom is quiet at this hour, stars beginning to fade into the daylight above you as the water below fills the air in a constant ambiance. The air is fresher here, trees and bushes covering damn near everywhere. It's so pretty here, nothing compared to the concrete jungle you'd grown so used to.
“Hey, so I have some questions.” You state, keeping the walking pace with him. 
“Shoot” He responds.
There's a pause before you ask and you both stop for a moment. Where he had taken you you have no idea but that wasn't what was really burning into you now. If you were going to be here for a while, you at least wanted to get to know him first. Maybe you'd even get to come back here and visit once you got back to Brooklyn…..but part of you didn't want to go back. 
Being here hadn't been hell or anything. You’d gotten to work on something you're passionate about, look at new mechanics you didn't even know existed and maybe even make a new acquaintance….friend even. You couldn’t leave this behind. 
“How long do you think I’ll be here? I-I'm not saying it like I'm in a rush to get home but…what if I said I like it here. I mean, I got to work on one of my very first passion projects, if you can call it that, and I'd even count meeting you as a plus” You chuckle, playfully punching his shoulder.
DK laughs back, slightly shaking his head. 
“You proved yourself as far as I'm concerned. Your bike looks incredible, and you got it down in no time. Pretty impressive lady.” He jokes, referencing having called you that earlier. 
“Now all that's left is to find your friends, and you can go home.” He pauses again, this time taking a moment to really get a look at you, the rising sun illuminating your face and eyes.
He thought you were pretty good-looking before but now, just being alone, and being able to really study your features, his heart stutters a bit.
“Or you could stay here.” That was softer than you’d expected. He paused a bit early too, almost like he didnt want to finish the rest of that sentence.
You swallow hard, on the fence about what you’d previously said. You have a business back home! One you worked your ass off trying to get and now you wanted to throw it away because of some cool go-karts and some stupid magical realm? 
“I could, but I shouldn't. I have my own thing going back home that I worked my ass off for. But this, I can't get this anywhere else. Never in a million years. I don't want to spend my whole life feeling like I made a mistake going back and not exploring what's out there.” You explain, a bittersweet scowl creeping over your face. 
“I've only ever traveled as a kid with my dad But this, this is something special. To travel through the universe and different worlds? It sounds amazing.” You sigh with a shine in your eyes.
“Alright that's enough, just go for it! Do what you want and forget everything else. Live without regrets, and then you'll feel fulfilled. And have some confidence, you’re too pre- what I'm saying is be happy with your decision no matter what you choose.” He explains, his much larger hand finding your shoulder. 
If the eye contact you two had barely held before wasn’t important this definitely was. Your lips part for a moment, wanting to speak but nothing finding its way out. You stay quiet, seeing him do the same. He looked, genuine in all honesty and if silence wasn't broken by his boisterous laughter, you may have heard your heartbeat pounding in your ears.
“ WOW, that was wise, good job on me for that.” He chuckles, proceeding down the path ahead, pointing out landmarks here and there. The sun was already up pretty high, and the kingdom beginning to buzz to life. 
What was that all about?
First, he suggests you stay, and then that eye contact? And was he about to call you pretty???? You decide to shake it off, besides, it was about time to head back to the palace temple. As you both began to travel back conversation was easy. You joked back and forth, taking light jabs at each other as the two of you tread lightly. He opts to show you some of his favorite spots around the kingdom in the meantime.
There was still more he wanted to show you and not enough time. Before either of you could take the first steps to do so, you were approached by several guards, requesting that DK report to his father, something about a “Ring of Kong” among many other things. What was going on? You didn't even get a chance to look at that place yet???
“Ayo? What’s happening?” You question, a scowl written over your face before he could get a chance to walk away.
“I can explain later, head back to the palace you’ll be fine, someone will come get you`.” He nods, following the various guards back to where he was needed. 
…..WHO WAS HE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO?! There was no time to question it though because the once soft buzz of the streets turned into an excited riot as the rest of the villagers head in the same direction. You needed answers, asap.
“Hey! What's going on? Where is everyone going?” You question, trying to get answers from whoever was willing.
“You didn't hear!? There's a duel at the ring!” 
Well hell, word travels fast around here, doesn't it? There'd be a slight change of plans. If the ‘ring’  this passerby was the same one DK was just summoned to, you’d be damned to miss it. Who was he dueling anyway? There was too much shit to answer and not enough time. The objective? Get to the mf arena. 
—-----
It took a little longer than you expected but when you arrived the arena was filled to the absolute brim with others awaiting to see the duel. You were close enough to see the king and whoever this princess-looking girl was next to him. However, you were far enough that it would take a good minute to get to them if needed. Down below in the middle of the arena were what looked like rows of blocks and cubes with question marks along with vines that hung off some.
Even lower than that were red construction bars and EVEN below that was the clear water of the kingdom. In a weak attempt to find the two competitors, you shuffle between patrons with a small ‘excuse me’ and ‘pardon me’. Your plan was to inch closer to the middle and toward the king. Low and beyond, at the farrrrr left end of the ring was the person you’d been hoping to get back to. 
“MARIO!” You yelp, cupping your hands over your mouth to try and project the sound. 
He seems to have heard something and looks around in the area to try and find a face to match the voice. You try calling out again, louder this time and it had finally worked. 
“MARIO!!!” You yell, waving in excitement but then being more shocked and concerned. WHY THE HELL WAS HE IN THE ARENA?!
This was more of a question for the king, however upon trying to get to him the sudden uproar hinders you. Lord knows they weren’t cheering for Mario but whoever was on the other side of the-
Oh lord have fucking mercy
As of now any manners had flown out the window as you haul ass to get to the king. You’ve made it as fast as possible to the king's throne, giving a small wave to the Princess beside him before tapping his shoulder with a scowl.
“Hey yeah umm quick question….why is my associate in the ring about to get HIS ASS BEAT?!” You whisper yell, pointing below at Mario trying to hype himself up while DK shows off and all the way tf out. Well, at least he wasn’t lying about the people being big fans.
“You know him?!” The Princess gasps, taking your hands into her own. 
“Yeah came down the pipe together but got separated? Where’s his brother, did he not make it with him?” You question, seeing her shake her head with a frown. 
“I’ll explain everything if we can make it out of this. Please,” she offers you a seat next to her and you wait for the dual to begin. 
You were beginning to get really tired of people telling you to wait for an explanation. There was absolutely no way this wouldn’t end a disaster. Knowing Mario he wasn’t going to quit. He’d take any and every punch determined to at least try. And of course, with DK wanting to show off, he wouldn't hold back.
Even though Mario was your associate and you wished the best for him considering this duel could be important…part of you really really wanted DK to win… and maybe it's cause you're biased for some odd, totally not obvious reason. 
“Sooooo, what's this whole dual for?” You ask the princess, trying to get info as the two get ready to charge at each other. 
“Bowser is coming to destroy my kingdom and we need an army to help stop him. The Jungle Kingdom has the strongest and with their help, we can defeat him. If Mario wins, they will lend us their help.” She explains, her attitude seeming more determined than anything. 
Of course, as a princess, she'd be willing to do whatever it takes to protect her kingdom by any means. 
“I see. Well, I hope I can be of some help. This place is amazing and- GAH DAMN” You gasp mid-sentence, seeing Mario getting beat tf up. 
It was like he didn't even stand a chance with DK giving him about 5 bitch slaps back to back. The cheering erupting from the crowd was enough to boost his ego even further. There was almost no chance for Mario to breathe but of course, knowing him he stood his ground, trying to reach one of the question mark boxes. 
“Use the blocks!” The princess calls, seeing Mario trying his damndest to get to one, DK hot on his tail. 
“What do the boxes do exactly?” You question, seeing what looked like a little blue mushroom appear from out of the box. 
He quickly eats it, waiting for the effects to occur as he charges toward DK. It was as if almost in the blink of an eye Mario was shrunk down and almost impossible to see. He was really about to fuck this whole thing up for the princess, a look of worry written over her features.
Mario returns to his normal size again, trying to escape punches being thrown at him as he tries to reach another mystery block. You sigh in relief when he reaches it, a red flower now falling out but before he can even get a chance to use it, DK has already blown it out. 
“OUHHH THAT’S GRIMEYYYYY” You call out, wishing there was a referee or SOMEONE to call foul play. Guess that's not how this dual arena ordeal went. 
Now he was back to getting beat up, round punches making contact with his face as he was thrown into beams and blocks. DK wasn't letting up, taking any chance he could to land another hit. However, on Mario's way down he manages to score one last mystery block with the help of the princess. Hopefully, this would even the odds and turn this whole fight around. 
He had landed a cat box, a fur suit covering his once overalls. Even though it looked cute, its effect on his reflexes was amazing! It was much easier to dodge attacks and land his own. After a few good hits, DK fell, earning Mario the title of the victor! 
—-----
It was much after the duel now, and you were finally able to get a chance to chat with Mario. There had been so much to catch up on. According to him, he had stepped in to try and find Luigi, who had stepped down the tunnel to try and find you!
He explained that they got separated and Luigi was somewhere ruled by this Bowser character you were teaming up to defeat. The Princess, whom you had later found out was named Peach, gave him a run-through of the obstacles and blocks before even bringing him on this journey to the Jungle Kingdom.
You then explained how you'd been working on the cart for the most part and got to explore a bit with DK, whose name when mentioned made Mario scoff. Of course, they'd be on the rival's side after that fight. In all honesty, you couldn’t help but feel a little bad for DK, the scratches left on his face looking like they stung more than anything and those punches from Mario during his counterattack were nothing to scoff at either. 
Where was he anyway?
“I let him win by the way”
Speak of the devil. Almost instantly the two (Mario and DK) began bickering, only to be put to a stop by the king who had come to discuss the next plan of action. Even though you haven't learned much, you were willing to help at this point. You weren't one to back down from challenges and now certainly wasn't the time to run and hide. 
And so, the plan was devised.
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scarletttries · 2 years
Text
I'm Being Really Brave About This (Kendall Roy Request)
Pairing: Kendall Roy (Succession) x Reader
Rating: Just fluff, one very loose reference to drugs
Word Count: 1.3k
Request: “Requests for Kendall 💕. I loved the last one! 🥰 "I love seeing you smile." "I'm never leaving... I promise."
Author's Note: Thank you so much for this Kendall request, I have a couple of Kendall pieces on the go at the moment and he's such a cute character to write for :) Let me know if you have any more requests for stories or headcanons with him!
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I'm Being Really Brave About This
First thing in the morning you always check your phone, by now you know exactly what to expect from Kendall Roy, business man, insomniac and boyfriend extraordinaire. A reliable stream of 'Good Morning Beautiful','Have the best day babe', 'I'm already so fucking excited to see you later.' Always sent at 6:58, two minutes before your morning alarm so you'd never fail to wake up to a sweet reminder that Kendall was thinking of you. As your eyes adjusted to the bright screen this morning, you smiled at his name at the top of your screen, but your text this morning was a bit rougher around the edges than usual;
"Hey, do you feel okay today? Because I feel like crap. Like a literal dumpster filled with garbage and bodily fluids. So I hope you are okay <3"
You couldn't help but laugh at Kendall's way with words as you took a quick inventory of yourself; no headache, no stuffy nose, no sore throat - you were good to go. You quickly rang him back as you started your morning routine, taken aback but the weak, congested voice that answered.
"Hey babe, are you okay?" Kendall asked nervously between sniffs, sounding the absolute picture of pathetic, your heart breaking at the thought of him shuffling around his office with a pocket full of used tissues.
"Hey Kendall, I feel fine, how are you? Are you at work?" You responded softly, listening to him breathe a sigh of relief that you weren't feeling as awful as him,
"That's good, I'm glad you're okay. I just feeling really fucking terrible, I think Iverson had something at the weekend and now it's trying to dissolve me completely from the inside out. So I'm staying at home, I figured one sneeze of this bullshit would be enough to kill half the Roys and if I'm gonna kill my dad I want to do it in a less pathetic way." You laughed at his dramatics as he listed all of his symptoms to you while you got ready for work, knowing he'd be feeling particularly lonely while he moped around his apartment on his own all day. Eventually you had to cut him off as he listed which of his family members he thought would and wouldn't survive the seemingly bloodline-ending cold he had.
"I've got to head out for work now 'Dall, but keep in touch today and let me know if you need anything and I'll come see you straight after work okay?" You heard the slight note of disappointment in his deflated tone as he replied,
"Yeah yeah, of course, go to work, you fucking boss badass and i'll see you later, don't worry about me." He quickly hung up, trying to hide the sinking feeling creeping inside of him that he wouldn't be able to spend all day talking to you like wishes he could. You felt bad for not being able to be there for him all day, but you had things you needed to get sorted and you knew he'd still be exactly where you left him when you finished for the day.
***
Throughout your shift your phone was vibrating in your pocket with constant updates from Kendall, clearly struggling with being left alone and feeling particularly sorry for himself.
"Made myself a cup of tea #Im Being Really Brave About This."
"Walked from the bedroom to the living room #unstoppable."
You snuck a glimpse at the latest message in a quiet moment only to see it was just a picture of Kendall wrapped in his duvet, sat on the sofa, followed quickly by "This could be us, but you're working." It took all your self control not to burst into laughter at his steady stream of consciousness, trying to send loving replies between meetings and inventory, getting your work wrapped up as quickly as possible so you could make your way to Kendall's apartment.
***
By the time you walked through the door, Kendall had crawled back into his bedroom, still cocooned in his duvet like a sad little dumpling. Kendall was always very comfortable being vulnerable with you, craving the nurturing kindness you showed him having been so deprived of it early in life, but seeing him looking so downtrodden still made your heart ache. His eyes slowly trailed off his screen as you stepped through the doorway, lighting up as they met yours, clearly the only thing he'd been waiting for all day.
"Hey! You got here early!" He said excitedly, spreading his arms out wide to welcome you into his blanketed embrace. You wrapped your arms around him, willing to risk the possibility of catching his cold if it meant you didn't have to reject his desperate hug.
"I got here as soon as I could, and I really appreciate you keeping me updated today. How are you feeling now love?" You cooed softly, settling on the bed next to him and gently running the back of your hand over his forehead.
"Better now that you're here." He let out quietly, smiling, resting his head on your shoulder. "But still fucking terrible. And I 've been so bored, and this place has a fucking hundred rooms and nothing cool to do, and my nose is so stuffy that I thought about having Greg fetch me some more park cocaine to just blow my nose clean off, but you should be very proud of me because I just took cold medicine instead like a loser." He nodded firmly, like it was the most sensible sentence in the world, watching the corners of your mouth turn upwards as you kissed his clammy forehead,
"I'm very proud of you Kendall." You praised , sincere in your sentiment despite the giggle creeping through your lips.
"I love seeing you smile." He returned softly, repositioning his quilt so he could share it with you, eyes fixed to your warm expression.
"Well you're very good at making me smile, so that's lucky." You retorted, cupping his face softly in your hands to place a gentle kiss on the bridge of his flushed nose.
"I probably am the funniest man alive." He pondered out loud, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you backwards onto the bed to lay beside him. He tilted his head so your faces were barely an inch apart, adding seriously,
"But if I don't make it through this cold, I want to you to know that after a respectful mourning period of like ten fucking years, you have my blessing to get re-married. I want you to be happy, and go on without me, even though it will be a terrible life devoid of all joy and laughter." You burst out laughing at his monotone delivery of his last will and testament,
"Kendall you just have a cold, I think you'll live. Also we're not married?" You reminded him, wondering just how much cough syrup he'd got through today, as his brow furrowed.
"Oh shit, that's my bad, I'll fix that soon, just let me take a nap first." He mumbled, nuzzling his face against your now blushing cheek, wondering if he'd remember that promise when he was back to full health.
"Okay 'Dall, do you want me to get you anything?" you asked softly, running your fingers slowly through his hair as his limbs relaxed around you.
"Please could you just stay? Like forever." His eyes were wide and bright as he looked up at you like you were the cure to all his afflictions, silently pleading for your reassurance.
"I'm never leaving... I promise." Kendall beamed at your promise, the most sincere smile he could remember giving anyone for a long time, as he drifted off in your arms, knowing in his heart you'd be there for him when he woke up, and everyday afterwards.
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olivyh · 1 year
Note
Ok if it isn't a bother but firstly:
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE TWST TRUE VILLAIN FANFIC YOU'VE MADE.IT WAS SO ANGSTY I CAN CONTROL MYSELF FROM SHITTING TEARS LIKE IM STILL CRYING RIGHT NOW.Like you really made me think what would happen if disney made the game gore and not family friendly.It would be a horror game bro
Secondly, could you like probably make like the Yuu from Twst true villain teleported to the family friendly twst like i wanna see there reaction if Yuu tells them everything that had happened in their au😍😍😍
OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH!! And it's not a bother at all! Sorry for the late response- I've had a bit of burnout lately ;;;;;;; I was lowkey hoping that the game kept some of the darker elements of the disney stories, but I can definitely see why they went with a more family-friendly route!
Spoilers for TTV! Below! Also brief spoilers for episode 6
TW: Blood, violence, cannibalism
I honestly believe that a lot of the characters would feel horrible for what happened to TTV!Yuu! They would likely walk on eggshells around the student, and they would be more wary about setting them off. With a lot of characters, I can see TTV!Yuu avoiding them completely (like all the dorm leaders). I can also see a lot of these characters feeling partly responsible for what happened to TTV!Yuu since, while it wasn't them, it was technically a version of them; and TTV!Yuu would have a hard time separating the two
Now, if TTV!Yuu follows the main story with the overblots... I don't think the dorm leaders would be able to regain their trust if they could get close enough to the student to begin with!
Riddle would understand and wouldn't take it to heart, but I think he would feel a little disappointed. I also think that it would bring up some doubts about him and being scary like his mother :(. He wouldn't push the issue, but I think it would be necessary for TTV!Yuu and him to have a little talk (for both of their sake). They would warm up a little bit more to Trey and Cater, I think (they would struggle to eat Trey's pastries the first couple of times for obvious reasons...). Despite this newfound trust, Ace and Deuce find themselves staying over Ramshackle every night for "study sessions" that end in Yuu pleading for them to not go back to Heartslabyul, followed by apologies to the both of them for breaking their promise.
They would stay as far from Leona and Azul as possible, seeing that the two of them tried to use TTV!Yuu for their schemes and it's likely that they won't very easily try to regain their trust. Leona may be alright with it and try to stay out of their way... but it's when Yuu tries to actively keep Ruggie away from the lion that he feels he should step in (and, though the hyena is grateful for their concern, he is a little annoyed that they're standing between him and his paycheck). They would try to beg Jack to stay in Ramshackle with them and stay far from his dorm, believing that he would die if he stayed in Savanaclaw any longer. He had to decline, but he hated that heartbroken look on their face and settled for sleeping over every other night.
Azul would try a little harder to gain their trust. Though, with his personality and persona, he may come off as being fake to them and end up pushing them away a little more :( I feel like the same could go for the Tweels (it could be even worse for those two as well, since even the normal cast is a little wary of those two).
Kalim would be able to warm up to them, though they would be a little wary around him (as they believe that, like Azul, it's a front that he would be putting up). Kalim would be the first dorm leader they get close to, I think, because of his emotional intelligence and how he would use it to calm them down! Jamil would be in a similar situation, though, I don't believe that they would be as scared of him as Kalim (as Jamil in TTV never really killed anyone, he was simply doing what Kalim told him).
They would be unable to stay around Vil and, despite his best efforts, they would beg for him to stay away from Epel (which scared the farmer because of how roughly they pulled him away from his dormmates.) Rook would petrify them to their core, and I think he would have to work twice as hard to gain their trust (especially after watching his arrow fly into a tree and being reminded of what happened to Jack). Epel also becomes an honorary member of Ramshackle.
Along with Kalim, I believe that Idia would be the next person they would get close to, shockingly! I can't imagine that someone who went through what they went through would continue to be very outgoing, and I think they would go to Ignihyde to give a teary apology to Idia for what happened to other Ortho. Of course, he would interpret this as his world's other Ortho, which would turn into a lot of tears and even more confusion for both parties. And, of course, this Ortho gets countless apologies from Yuu. Unlike the other first years, he gets to stay in his dorm without much of a fight since Yuu knows he would be safest in Ignihyde.
They wouldn't want to step foot inside of Diasomnia; the only reason for visiting the dorm being to grab Silver and attempt to house him in the safety of Ramshackle. Malleus, unfortunately, would get the shortest end of the stick :( Yuu wouldn't even dare to try to talk to him or Lilia after knowing what they're capable of (and being made aware that their magical capabilities in this world are the same). Sebek would also be a no-go, solely because his yelling would send Yuu into a frenzy. I think Lilia would be able to coax them into trusting the Diasomnia crew a little more (though they would still turn to Silver for protection).
As for professors, Yuu didn't have any contact with them outside of Crowley (with their only knowledge of the others being rumors and things they were told.) Because of that, the other professors get a free pass! I can see their classrooms being safe spaces for TTV!Yuu when they feel that it gets to be too much, or if they simply need someone to talk to. They're also constantly protected by the professors- whether that be always being followed by Sam's friends on the other side, being given a puppy from Crewel to keep them from harm, having Mozus guard them while they nap under Trein's desk, sitting with Vargas while he tries to teach them breathing techniques for when they get too scared, or having crows in the trees around them to keep an eye on them
As for Grim... they would feel immense pity for him and they'd coddle him. Though, they can't help but give him his own room in Ramshackle and sleep with their door locked from the inside to make sure what happened to the previous prefect doesn't happen to them too...
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beatupcorpse · 1 year
Text
look I made that AU for me and my need of my monkey brothers bcuz this fandom has me completely starved. I JUST WANT BONDING AND PAIN TIMES
the title refers to -SWK's- greatest fear, which is to fail MK so badly that this is how things end up, the kid the Lady's new weapon.
i already said it and kinda showed it in my post but MK takes the hit instead of SWK and immediately this is bad this is terrible he attacking right out of the bat. his hits actually hurt. SWK realizes this is full power MK.
since we know that the possessed are still aware of everything, on MK's sight, getting himself trapped like this just kinda leaves him defeated and becomes the perfect vessel for LBD. doesnt help that he is terrified of this demon
This whole situation is a bit different from possessed!SWK who could hold back punches and fight off his possession even if just a lil bit at first. MK won't get that. He is the perfect weapon for LBD basically. doesn't take much energy to control, equal to SWK in power and cannot hold back. DISASTER
Even worse! His friends don't want to hurt him in the first place! w SWK it was easy because fuck the guy amiright, but this is MK! their friend! Mei's bestie!!!! Dadsy's son!!!!!!!!!!!! it hurts to see MK and be met with souless eyes and murderous intentions
haha.... haaaaaaa...this means that when Mac teams up with them....he and SWK get to have moments oh god I can't let my shipper brain take hold. is FIEN, WE JUST GET MORE DIVORCE ARGUMENTS but also perhaps maybe they are very in sync as they talk about the plan? Mei would probably make fun of em. ok thats it thats all Im giving myself .... and the rest of the time they spent together
aND MAN!! SWK IS JUST SO FILLED WITH GUILT!! probably super numb and serious now. trying to make a plan. muttering to himself. Mei forces him out of his bubble and demands him to act like he is part of the team and share ideas or else they (and MK) are TOAST. and he has to SUCK IT UP AND LISTEN. FOR ONCE!!!!!
we get a "you're right pony girl" "I HAVE A NAME" to light up the mood anyway
bcuz at the end of the day, the team would have to be divided just like in the show, just that instead of MK is SWK. Lucky for Mac tho, in this au he doesn't have to fight MK alone, now he has SWK to take half of the hits. its his time to suffer as he tries to defend himself against his own power, take the staff and try his hardest to not hurt the kid.
whenever he does land a hit on him!! man that feels terrible. LBD taunts him about it. careful there, u wouldn't want to take out ur own student. SWK could maybe win if he put his all, he is the monkey kiing after all. but he would rather take a beating and hear her laugh her head off.
Im not talkin much about Mac bcuz I think he would be taken out of the competition so fast. sad sight. he still tried tho. hes bleeding but not dead he is fine i promise. he is happy to just let SWK take it from there
btw don't think too hard about the staff and how its in MK's hands and not stabbed into the ground just shhhhshshshs. wireless charging the mecha (i actually dont remember if thats what it was doing)
but fuck the staff man. IS DESPERATION TIME! SWK starts talking to MK. he apologizes for everything. he begs. "MK. forget everything Ive told you, listen to me now: you cannot give up"
MK seems to stutter in his next attack. SWK blocks it and keeps talking
"Don't give up on me and especially don't give up on yourself. fight it out kid. I believe in you"
The blue glow of MK's eyes weakens. the sounds of LBD struggling increase the more SWK talks to him. she tries to shut him up. MK now has SWK on a chokehold. Still, the annoying ass monkey won't shut up.
The grip in his neck tightens but he continues
"You have such great friends. You need to keep on fighting for them. They miss you too."
"You're something special bud and not because you are the monkie kid."
His expression starts to change
"I'm proud to be your mentor. Please come back"
and MK snaps out of it.
-
from there I feel like itd be pretty much the same. as u can see the au is not terrible different. is just different enough for me to get SWK being honest and sweet to MK and MK to listen everything he needed to hear. and also pain. I could span on many lil things but is very late and im basically ripping this off my chest so its just out here
oh and also
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I get a real hug between them in this AU
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windalchemist001 · 7 months
Text
electric twilight
I sighed deeply as I woke up, I knew that I should be more excited, but honestly today felt like there was a weight on me, maybe because of all the stuff I had to do?
Soghing at the thought I got up after all Crowley wanted me to do some stuff for him, and hopefully that jerkwad would actually keep his promise and give me some extra spending money for tonight. Taking a moment to pop my joints I stood up and moved about to change into some clothes that I had manged to scrap money together so I wouldn't be stuck wearing just the uniform or trying to piece together clothes from the outfits I've been given for different celebrations we've had.
I yawn left my mouth and I rub at my face as I hoped to get rid of the sleep that seemed to want to pull me back to its grip. But nope work. And thankfully I had help with said work as I moved over to my lovely feline and picked him up. Though it was clear he wasn't to happy. Not that I cared we are both going.
"Come on grim, we need to earn money to go to the light's festival tonight." I set grim down since he was now awake and complaining about being awake so early which I than rolled my eyes and mention I'll make food which seemed to make him happy.
Honestly how is it that food always makes him happy, I don't know but at least it made my life somewhat easier to deal with him.
I hummed as I moved to get out of my room and waving to the ghost who were sort of my roommates. It was so odd I've slowly gotten use to all this. And yet I sort of had to though I wish I didn't but it is how it is, at least ill have a lot of fun so I can't wait, oh and if I'm lucky both of my crushes will actually make an appearance since both said they were going so being able to interact with them always made my day.
A weak hearted fool i am, but damn it, I need something to keep me sane in this crazy place. And its not wrong for me to have feelings. Though my heart ached knowing that the feelings were sadly one sided. And I couldn't help but sigh knowing that.
But pushing that thought to the side I washed my hands and than begin working on breakfast, amy mind already thinking about how after eatting I would have to deal with the headmaster dumb ass and than I need to meet the guys to take the bus lead to town. It was a lot but it would be worth it hanging with friends after all. And with that I smiled deeply thinking about how fun the night festival was be
_______
Several hours later had me hummubg as I shifted my bag. After all the bs and struggles we arrived in town, honestly im super excited we some how manged to get here since Crowley had me (and grim to a lesser extent) that i had almost missed the last bus heading to town.
Though I had told the guys to leave ahead of me. Only ace and deuce stay behind the others left. But ill be honestly i was rather greatful they hadn't left me behind because i hate being alone despite me always asking for it. I am rather cat like in my personality.
I was also glad that my three dummies were not to upset with me, maybe because they felt it was Crowley's fault (which it was, because fuck him) i took a deep a breath to calm my nerves since no need to be ticked when I'm off to go do something fun righr?
Though I must admit I did find myself a bit nervous since unlike the other few times I went into town with professor crewel or professor train. I was going to have to be the adult in the group given my dummies did always find themselves getting in trouble and i sometimes wonder if they were all toddlers rather than freshman in collage. Again I signed deeply hoping for the best.
But with that sighed it seemed my vision came to focus and I begin actually seeing everything out the window rather than be blared out do to me zoning out and faded into my own world. And I must admit this experience was much more different than looking out the car window because I didn't have to keep grim controlled (well not as strictly any way) on my lap rather grim had his own seat and was currently getting in another verbally disagreement with ace. About what I wasn't fully sure but I tune it out since it didn't seem to important for now.
No rather i spend my time looking out the window hoping to remeber the way everything looked to try and draw it, if I can even begin to try to give it justice (which I'm sure I can't but I want to at least try) but I also decided to take a picture since at least I would have a lesser copy to use as reference.
But of course taking a picture seemed to draw deuces attention who wasn't fully un the fight and with his questioning grim and ace seemed to turn to me.
I rolled my eyes and explained i was taking a photograph of the city and the setting sun. After all the way everything looked could be the perfect background for a movie or comic. And i didn't mention it but I could use it in my not so rewrites of my/borrowed stories (hey! It's not like copy infringement can get me in another world) and its not all borrowed works since some were my own stuff too.
I made a mental note to continue some of my work since i need to put out a few chapters, but didn't think to much on it as ace than begin talking about what he planned on doing again, which I softly tuned it out so I could still respond to, but honestly I wasn't interested in having to watch ace hit on girls, if I was a guy, maybe, but I wasn't into it, and I wonder if it was a good thing or a bad thing that ace was cool with saying it infront of me, though wish they felt like this, before and maybe we could have avoided the whole azul incident..... maybe.... probably not.
I sighed again, and it seemed deuce my second fave (favorite if only humans) dummy decided to speak at least seeming to be aware that I wouldn't be into trying to hit on random people.
Which I agreed to and even voiced that I would rather wait with a first aid kit from the side lines. Hinting that I was sure someone would end up slapping ace in the face. Actually, I could picture ace as Johnny brovo and him going flying. Honestly it made me chuckle at the thought and admit to nothing when questioned about the laugh.
Thankfully deuce had said something to annoy ace and thus the two begin fighting and I decided it might be wise to break into the snacks I bought to shut them both up. Again I couldn't help think of them like toddlers. I again hoped the bus ride would be quick
____________
Sure the bus ride wasn't that long when trying to be peace keeper it felt so much longer. But once done the guys quickly darted over to the ticket booth while I followed behind them, not just because of my lack of height, but also because I always did prefer to be in the back hidden away and not dealing with to much bull.
Ace was going a mile a minute trying to seem to get the guy to drop the price a few thaumarks so we can get ride all the ride wristband. And while that was nice and all but I sort of didn't want to ride all the rides since I didn't know if I felt safe riding a pop up roller coaster and given that last pop up ride, I rode I almost fell out of (me being a small child be damn)
So me avoiding things that go up high would be nice. But I did want to do that gravity ride which would be cool. I hummed as it seemed ace manged to get the wrist bands for us and i thanked him. Sure ace can be a tad annoying but he was still a good friend (though a bit of an ass hole, but in a good way)
Taking the bands for me and grim I moved to put it in his ribbon collar knowing he wouldn't be able to keep it on unless I put it on his tail but it would be easier to lose it there once done I put my own on. And moved to give him what I owed for them which I had mange to catch being thirty percent off, which wasn't a lot but it still also helps.
So once money exchange hands I waited for the guy to lead the way and rolled my eyes when ace tried to get deuce to pay him full price due to some bs fee.
Honestly these two idiots. So again I cut in and mention we should try to do a lot of stuff before the parade and fireworks begin, which seemed to get them in gear. I also wonder if we would find the others. Which also made me wonder if I would see the two guys I really wanted to see. Even if this love or perhaps crush was all one-sided just being near them made me happy.
Even if it was stupid and foolish, sighing wistfully I found myself trailing behind ace and deuce and ended up seeing and pointing out a water gun game and moved over to see the prizes. Looking about i trying to decide what I would want i soon found and adorable rabbit stuff animal and I turn to tell the guys only to see they were gone.
I couldn't help but frown and pushed down the panic that begin to fill me. Was it because I got abandoned, or was it because those three always got into trouble when left alone, maybe a bit of both. Quickly moving away from the booth and did my best to weave between people hoping to find a hint to one of the three. heck ill make due with anyone I know, since either they can help me find those three or at least make me feel safe.
I called out for my friends hoping they would answer me, seems now I've become the toddler lost in the crowed, it unsettled me how they could invite me and than abandoned me, like some sort of cruel prank, perhaps that was where the panic was coming from? Knowing and conformation that im unwanted?
Like some cruel reality check that I've forgotten as if me diluting myself into belive I had friends was only but a fools earns and I like always am nothing more than a tool to be used for nothing more than a punching bag.
Breathing was slowly becoming to much as the dark thoughts began making its way to the surface choking me, as I continued looking about. The bright lights of festival seeming to be some cruel reminder of what I can't feel like.
It also highlighted the joy and happiness of others far different from my own state of mind. I called out for the guys once more I could hear the slight cracks in my tone as a mix of fear and panic seems to slightly bleed into it.
Surely if I didn't calm myself I would send myself into a panic attack. But the sound of my name being called seemed to snap me out of my mid panic and had me jump at the suddenness of it.
Turning to see who called, shame suddenly replaced the feeling of fear, after all a familiar group and sort of unlikely group were walked up to me. And while one was the most important of the group two were the ones I didn't like for a couple of reason.
"Are you ok? You seem to be slightly panicked." The voice that was filled with concern, while normally was made me feel comfortable, as if i didn't have to worry about the bs that im normally surrounded with. But at the moment was filled with a mix of emotions. After all how was one meant to feel with your crush seeing you doing something shameful? But than again he seems to actually be very worried about me, which belive but made me feel at least liked even if he only saw me platonic
And while I wasn't really fine I didn't want to seem needy and thus lied that I was fine . Though I decided to mention that I misplaced the trouble trio.
Seeming simpathic trey informed me he hadn't seen the for a while and I quickly apologized to him saying it wasn't his fault. And honestly it wasn't. Rather it was mine for getting distracted like a small child. But than again I was the type if child who got lost at Walmart and even as I got older I still did only difference was that I was old enough to run around looking my family or when I got a phone called for locations.
At this point I seemed to be reminded of Carter the first guy I didn't like, he one for how fake he was. And sure I didn't have proof Carter wasn't actually faking his personality, but as far as I knew it just felt phonie. And run me the wrong way.
The second reason being that somehow the jerk realized. My crush/one sided love for trey, which the jerk kept being up, even if subtly. Like for example at the very moment suggesting trey give me the stuff animal that I had been eyeing in his arms when I hadn't been looking at him.
And the second person I hated for three reasons rather than just two like Carter. For one the guy was unsettling, to the point I wanted to run, two for the dance comption (I still want to rain his neck for that bull shit) and third because he somehow figured out my crush/one sided love for both Trey and Horton!
How i got screwed with that I don't know but either way the jerk seemed to also enjoy mocking me like Carter and say and do shit I don't need him doing. Like example right now he seemed to think it was ok to work with Carter.
The urge to kill them seemed to fill me but I didn't want to do that infront of trey. And I apologize for them being stupid and that he didn't have to follow along with the other third years probing since I didn't want to bother or inconvenience him.
"No it fine, i think it might be better to give it to you" Trey moved to hold out the stuff animal to me. The very stuff animal looked like the one that looked like the one at the water gun booth.
I looked from the rabbit back to trey and than the rabbit again before reaching out to take the stuff animal my hands brushing against trey's and I felt my face heat up at the simple touched. I sort of wonder if I was crazy or if he felt anything but given the fact he doesn't say anything made me belive its just me like always.
I looked away from him unable to keep gazing into his face and moved some hair behind my face as I moved a few stray hairs behind my ear. As I thanked trey for the gift and found myself holding the rabbit to my chest.
Though after a moment I recalled something and looked back at trey. Informing him that I've tweaked the recipe of the apple roses I've enjoyed making, and like always wanted his thoughts. It was something I've been trying to make and make perfect all on my own, but that doesn't mean I can't ask for thoughts.
"I will see you Sunday than." Trey smiled with such kind eyes.
Honestly it made me want fangirl. How could trey be so kind and handsome?! Like ah! But its not like I can say all that and I simply nodded, the fact he recalls i always want to show him on Sunday was super nice too. He is such a good guy.
He made me happy if only my feelings were mutual, but ill settle for just being allowed near him, since I rather enjoy our time together rather than ruin it by make it awkward and than end up being avoided.
Though it seems cater and rook decided to speak and ruin this good mood of mine, and I could feel the twitch of my face with their annoying comments. But at least they also mention they just saw the trio and looking behind me I manged to catch a glimpse of them.
Cursing under my breath I turn back to trey and told him I better catch up and moved to run off though I did pause to wave at trey and tell him bye the rabbit being shifted to under my arm and off I went to try and catch up with my trouble makers.
_________
Having caught up with the guys it seemed the rest of our first year group just meet up. And it seemed the other were pretty happy. Even sebek who normally was a bit much. A lot like my dad honestly. I felt a ping in my chest. As I mildly wonder if my family even missed me, but I pushed the feelings back down were they belong.
Rather I focus on how sebek had glowing horns and was currently gloating about how they were meant to look like his master. I also noticed the glowing spots on his face that looked like scales and its not like he was the only one with glow and dark paint it seemed since both epel and jack (surprisingly) also had some.
Jack reminding me something out of inuyasha or basically any humanoid demon form anime. Kind of made me wish he was wearing a costume, but I wasn't going to say that, mostly because how does one convince someone to do so? ... well maybe Leona and ruggie could get jack to do so, but I don't want to deal with those two since it would be like moving though landmines.
Epel on the other hand was wearing something that was rather cringe. And i looked back to where I had been before, mildly wondering if rook would rat him out to vil. If so, I should probably prey for him, cause I don't know if he'll live.
Though given the fact he was as lit up like a Christmas tree, I'm not sure my prayer would be answered and made a note to get the heck out of dodge, if and when vil comes stomping about. Cause I refused to be bought into a lecture i have no part in. Being shorter than everyone one (not including ortho) had its advantages.
I was quickly bought out of my musing when grim called for me and I turn to him wondering what was up. Which gave the feline the chance to complain that he wanted food but I wasn't around to buy him food. I apologized and mention I'll buy him something right now only to glance up and see the guys taking off again and I looked to grim who darted off telling them not to leave us.
Honestly I was glad he said something as I moved to catch up this time not losing them and asked what should we get to eat since grim wanted to try something.
The guys begin discussing food options and I manged to give my own thoughts, but like always felt like I was butting into a private conversation rather than be part of it, but still I wanted to be included, with my friends.
After a bit we all made our way to an area that had a lot of food options and I admit I sort of wanted to see what they might have.
_____
After having everyone eat their fill, in which sebek ate so much, I wasn't fully sure where he put it. and sure I could eat quiet a bit, but even I had limits (also shame) and thus only ate what I thought was perfectly fine, but shit man how did these guys stay so fit with their eating habits? But than again, I think I'm the only introvert in the group, who would rather stay inside while these guys did have hobbies that involved running about.
Perhaps that's why I tend to always feel like an on looker rather than part of the group. Well that and the no magic. Being a girl, and of course being from a whole diffrent world might do that to you.
None the less I followed along quietly as everyone seemed to be in high spirts talking about all sort of things. Grim was currently eatting cotton candy (his on the go snack) as there was playful shoves between the guys. I would try and comment here and there, but the twisted of feeling like a third wheel just kept bothering me, even though I really wish it wouldn't.
It soon got to the point I had decided to go quiet for a while now. and despite that it seemed the guys didn't notice.so rather than focus on the loneness, i felt it better to looked around. All the while Hoping to see a familiar figure in the masses since despite my small stature the other tend to be easy to spot.
Sadly that didn't seem to be the case. And I wonder if maybe I had been hoping for to much, after all imsure he had more important things thab come here and than say hi. Feeling disappointed I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to keep the tears away.
Honestly I hated how weak I felt over stupid things like this. And I couldn't help but find myself to be a little greatful for the stuff animal that had only been given to me maybe an hour or so ago. Since I was able to bury my face into it to help with my emotions, if only for a bit.
Though once i pushed down my emotions for the uptiniing time I took a moment carefully listing for a pause in conversation before speaking. Asking jack if he could do me the favor of watching grim since out of everyone in this group he was the only one I could trust to keep an eye on the feline.
But before Jack could respond to me, ace spoke up. He seemed offended at the remarks of not being able to watch grim. Which is ironic, since he normally complains when I ask him to watch grim when I have to leave for a small moment.
None the less I looked to ace rather unamused with him. he was in fact acting like a small child. And decided to remind ace of the events that happened just the day before (the reason riddle had ended up collaring him in the first place)
Ace though seemed to be offended, but I could tell not really. (Or so I hoped) After all I had just left the alchemy room to run a quick eran for professor crewel, only to return to my three idiots with neon color hair/fur because ace decided not to behave and egged both duace and grim to fucking up their potions, but he also got hit with the cross fire. And of course the three of them getting chewed out.
And if not for me (reluctantly so begging) grim and deuce would still have neon hair. But I can't wait for the pay back to kick in because ace is getting that collar back on once today is over and I'm so not letting him stay with me for a few days.
None the less, I looked away from the pain in the ass that is ace. And looked back to Jack. To slightly begging for the most trust worthy of this make shift group to watch grim whole im away.
Jack who seemed torn for a while, sighed deeply. Once it seemed he manged to decide what he wanted to do he nodded which I have to admit had me sort of realif since it meant I didn't have to drag grim away from all the fun of the festival.
So with that I thanked jack, since it would be rude not to do so, and took a moment to reached into my bag and pulled out some thaumarks. Holding them put to jack i explained that this would be for grim should he want something while I wasn't with them.
I also rolled my eyes as epel, and ace seemed to be acting like idiots and fake asking for money acting like they were some mere beggars, I just wonder why I delt with these idoits.
None the less I looked to grim wanting him to understand that whst I was going to ask him i really meant it.so once I had his attention i asked grim to behave while i was gone. After all I really didn't want to clean up his mess.
Once I was sure he at least understood I looked to the rest of our make shift group, I than wave to to them, before turning to walk away from them. I could hear them make some comments behind my back but ingore it, since it was best to not acknowledge it and just slipped away.
walking, everything was so loud and busy reminding me being at a con, with so many people moving about getting and buying things. But unlike at a con where I felt at ease since the people were like me, people who wish to indulge in a hobby that makes them happy despite the world's judgment. So much so I could blend into the crowed with out feeling like I stick out or in being judged.
Sadly Here I was around a bunch of Stanger with out the aid of music to help tune out the world, which only made me feel more uneasy, by the moment. Which was why I was trying to get away from everything. Since I knew I was getting overwhelmed and I needed my escape. Not that being near the guys was a bad thing, but we shared no true wave length, thus I got no comfort from them, at least not in a way I needed it.
So with some walking passing booths for foods and games I manged to find what looked like a way out from the crowed of people and slip between couple of booths. one seeming to be selling fry food that smelt really good and the other booth that had stuff animals pin to the wall for prizes. They even seemed to have one that looked like mine's partner.
I made a mental note to check onwhat the game was later, because I didn't really see it. Though because of the food and the toys I was sure I would be able to remember enough when I trying to retrace my steps back to the guys (or so I hope anyway)
I sighed deeply and kept walking taking a moment to glance behind me to try to get rid of the uneasiness I was feeling even roll my shoulders and neck hoping to get rid of the tightness hoping that would make me relax. but even than I dont think it fully worked as I walked and walked till I found myself at the top of a tall hill. Or rather more a say I ended up walking up a slope that over looked the grounds (at least it wasn't stairs since I'm and i quote healthier end quote, but not by much)
Pushing away those thoughts i re focused on the area around me, noted that slope seemed to plato to a field of white that seemed to shimmer in the moon light. the unnatural light from below didn't seem to effect it much, or maybe it did I can't be fully sure.
But looking up the sky it self seemed to be effect by it as if the stars were taken from it even the color of the sky wasn't its true color. for it was effected by the light pollution thanks to being so close to the festival and the town. But back at ramshackle the stars shine and seemed to be more clearer. And a part of me longed to gone back home.
Though the thought of ramshackle as home made my heart ache. For the stars and this place were not truly my home, all of it was foren lands; the stars were not the ones I grew up under, nor was the soil I stood upon was not the ones I learn to walk upon. Everything was not anything I knew and yet I have come to slowly plant roots.
Closing my eyes I took another deep breath and let go of a heavy sigh. The weight that rested on me felt almost suffocating. But all I could do was keep moving forward. After all my roots might be stretching but they can still be easily killed. Sighing once again I bent down and plucked a dandelion and took a moment to roll it between my thumb and index.
I watched it spin for a bit my mind filled with thoughts before I closed my eyes once more. For despite my fragment memories and this foren world, I was still me. And thus my beliefs and habits are still in tacked. So needing something stronger than a wish and hope (not to say I didn't do both)
I prayed for the safety of my family and that they don't stress to much about my absence. I than took a deep breath and blew on the flower. And hoped, prayed that it would reach them.
I than moved to pluck another dandelion though thus time i turn towards the lights which honestly made me want to take a picture. For in its own way, the festival was lovely yet it was a reminder that i was in forein lands.
I found myself humming and wonder if the guys were behaving, I honestly felt like I was taking care a bunch of small children. Or maybe that was a guy thing? But than I again I've had guy friends before. Though once that thought crossed my mind I frowned.
I tried to think more on that fact, yet like it usually happens, when ever I try to recall certain things my head would ache, as if something was locking away things from my world. And no mater how much I tried to recall information it wouldn't allow me to remember it and would only stop once I stop trying recall. Unfortunately it was sort of normal here in this new world, but I had no real way to get around it, well besides stop thinking about what I was trying to recall.
Sighing to push away those thoughts and go back to what i had originally been thinking about, I made a wish that they guys would behave and not do anything stupid, that I would have to try and fix. But if they must to at least give me a week of peace. And than I blew on the second flower.
Sadly I couldn't get off all the seeds which i wonder if that meant i wouldn't get that sane peaceful moment which may have been to much to ask for anyway given the fact i know my idoits. But still i have to ask for it. So I decided to just look at the lights for a bit.
Though after a while of watching said light twinkle before me. I sighed softly again for the uptin time. Recalling a promise that seemed to not have been answered, and i begin to wonder if I was foolish for getting my hopes up. Tears pooling at the conor of my eyes. closing them to try and push back the tears, they seemed to fall instead. Shifting the rabbit in my arms I used it to quickly wipe them away using its head.
I than grab another flower as I kept looking at the lights. For a while I watched out to a view that looked perfect for a painting or story setting. So shifting the rabbit back under my arm i than used my left hand to hold the flower while my right to get my phone to take a picture, which didn't seem to do it justice but will hopefully be enough for me later, when I was being creative.
I than return the phone in my pocket and than took the flower back to my dominant hand and looked to the flower again. Closing my eyes rather than give my wish and prey silently I spoke this next one out loud. Hoping that by speaking it out loud that this dream/wish/hope and prayer would be heard. for it was the thing I long for the most, despite its selfishness. I beg to find the happiness I've spent so long wishing for.
For the other half of me, who would see me and despite every cracks and flaw I carry on all sides, that they would find me good enough to want me beside them. My voice craking as I pleaded with all my souls begged with every ounce I had and apologize for being imperfect and not the best follower. But still asked for forgiveness for that and that I will continue to try my best. And asked and pleaded not to be alone. Ending it with a final plea i than ended the prayer like one would end a prayer.
And with that selfish prayer done, I blew on the flower not daring to open my eyes fearful to see if I failed and let my hand and than the flower drop to my side before opening my eyes wiping at more tears pooling in my eyes.
I knew i needed to relax before returning so no one would see me crying. And I honestly didn't want to deal with a headache especially since there was going to be fireworks later. Which honestly would only be a pain if my head is trying to kill me. Taking a deep breath I wonder if I should head back though I could see all the lights from here.
Fixing the rabbit i rub my face more into its soft fake fur. Hoping it would comfort me in some sort of way. Because the aching in my heart only seemed to fester dark thoughts, and maybe those dark thoughts would start to consume me, a double edge sowrd of being alone meant I felt both relaxed and depressed.
I sighed softly and wonder if I could ever be loved.
"Child of man." The voice was a familiar deep ethereal tone that sent chills up my spine, and quickly turned to look behind me and see a familiar male. Again I felt the shame fill me after all I was in the middle of crying not to mention how long had he been there?
"Horton!" I practically shouted the nickname i have long given my friend/crush months ago. Before I found myself rambling on about how I didn't see him, asking where he's been and what ever else came to mind, honestly a wish I could just shut up, but wouldn't that make it more awkward? And all the while I just prattle on i hadn't even looking at him (not that, that was new, since I don't look at people in general when speaking) none the less I was possibly making myself look more stupid than I probably was before.
"Yuu~" the sound of my name on his lips seemed to make my face feel more warm and my heart flutter in my chest. While also stopping me from just word vomiting continuesly
Taking a moment to actually look at the male. I wondered what he wanted to ask, since neither of us normally used the others name. So surely it was something of importance.
Watching him, malleus extended his hand to me their was a look on his face that seemed to steal my breath and make my ownersface warm up.
"I did promise to watch the fireworks with you, so would care to join me?"
Hearing that I did recall asking him to join us with watching the fireworks at the festival, if he didn't feel comfortable with everyone we can separate from the others a bit and watch alone (along with grim since I was a tad worried how he'll react to the fireworks and thus didn't want to leave him alone).
Either way I reached out to take his much larger hand, which was so much larger than my own. But it made me feel happy, I can't even remember ever holding anyone's hand so this was rather nice.
Though it seems before either us could leave the sound of fireworks suddenly sounded and while still holding the males hand I turn to watch in awe, the display of fireworks. I must have underestimated the parade since I swore it was going to be later and a lot longer but I guess I was wrong.
No matter what though I couldn't help but hold on tightly to the hand I now held as the lovely colors flashed in the sky before us, truly glad I got to spend this time with guy I held the deepest of crushes on, even if my feelings are one sided I'm just glad to pretend even for this moment that im his and he is mine, even if for but a moment.
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riddle-me-im-sirius · 11 months
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A/n: i wrote this at 4am so im sorry for any grammar and spelling mistake, i wrote this because im quite sad and need a little fluff after finding out that timothee and kylie are dating even though its not "serious" i just really can't picture them together since their vibes are so opposite although my support and love for timothee won't change im still quite in shock to the point i literally fell down the stairs because im in daze and had quite a bruise. Im not being delulu and thinking we can be together to be honest its impossible, im just stating my opinion so yea.. you can comment down what you think or msg me ill be happy to coverse with yall♡
Don't forget to heart and reblog if you enjoyed it
Love lots : lettie♡
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Regulus Black had always been one of the most promising young wizards of his time, with a bright future ahead of him. But there was one thing that held him back, one thing that he couldn't bring himself to face: his feelings for you.
You, a Gryffindor, were everything he wasn't. Brave, kind, and always willing to stand up for what was right. You were friends with the Marauders, which only made things worse for Regulus. They were everything he despised about Gryffindor: reckless, impulsive, and always looking for trouble.
But despite all that, he couldn't help the way he felt about you. Every time he saw you, his heart skipped a beat, and he couldn't help but feel a little lighter, a little happier. He knew he shouldn't feel this way, but he couldn't help it.
One day, he decided to take a chance and tell you how he felt. He found you in the Gryffindor common room, sitting by the fire with the Marauders. He took a deep breath and approached you, hoping he wouldn't regret this decision.
"Y/N, can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
You looked up at him, surprised. "Sure, Regulus. What's up?"
He took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves. "I know this might sound crazy, but I have to tell you something. I...I have feelings for you. I've had them for a long time, and I just couldn't keep them to myself anymore."
You looked at him, stunned. You had never thought of Regulus in that way before. But as you looked into his eyes, you could see the sincerity and vulnerability there, and you couldn't help but feel a little bit of warmth in your heart.
"Regulus, I had no idea," you said softly. "I...I don't know what to say."
Regulus looked at you, his heart in his throat. He knew what was coming next. "I understand if you don't feel the same way," he said quietly. "I just had to tell you how I feel."
You looked at him, struggling to find the right words. "Regulus, I...I don't care that you're in Slytherin. And I don't care that you don't like the Marauders. What matters to me is that you're a good person, and that I care about you too."
Regulus felt a weight lift off his shoulders as he heard your words. He had been so afraid that his House and his differences with the Marauders would be a barrier between you, but you had made it clear that it didn't matter.
"Y/N, I...I don't know what to say," he said, his voice thick with emotion.
You smiled at him. "You don't have to say anything, Regulus. Let's just take it one step at a time."
And so, Regulus and you began a tentative romance, starting slowly but steadily. It wasn't easy, with the differences between your Houses and your friends, but you were both willing to make it work. And as you spent more time together, you realized that your differences only made your relationship stronger, and that love could indeed conquer all.
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hella1975 · 2 years
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had a horrible time tonight 😭😭😭 it was "mandatory family dinner" night where I'm forced to go out to a restaurant w my family, I'm autistic (wow guess why "mandatory" became a part of the name) so during those times I can barely talk (best case scenario. Sometimes I'm completely mute) and I have to wear headphones while I keep my head down. My family are ASSHOLES to servers like their motto is "well its their job to get it down exactly how we like" so they're always asking for specifics or stuff like that. I don't like fruit or pulp in my drinks, I got that without knowing but if it's already done then you're just going to make it more of a problem than it is if you try to fix it for me, so I dealt w it, but my family just woULD NOT let it GO. They asked the server for a fruitless drink, a drink meant for fruit in it 😭😭😭 now I can't lie so when my family asked if that was good it was just THE MOST painful and awkward scene of me bluntly saying "I don't know. I don't care." I know I came off so rude and hostile towards the girl like I hadn't meant to so I just put my fidget cube on the table to try to clear things up NFJSJSMSKW people just automatically put it in their heads not to be bothered if I'm strange as soon as I show the fidget cube and honestly it's how I solve all my problems. anyways I'm sharing this because I only made it through that night because I was mentally thinking about how I was gonna tell you this
oh that's so shit that you had a stressful night love and im glad i could help in some way, i actually find myself doing that a lot when i have shit experiences i immediately start going 'okay but how am i gonna tell the cult about this' and it surprisingly really helps lmao. something about actually making you parse through it and communicate it methinks
can i just say that as a waitress and as someone who has worked in the catering industry since i was a mardy sixteen year old, the staff aren't evil. sure you'll get some waitresses that are bitchy and don't want to be there, but most of the time, they're actually very nice. floor work (so what this girl was doing in serving you guys and working a section) is the work every waitress wants to be doing. i know i myself actually - believe it or not - really enjoy working a section. other options are shit like running food or polishing cutlery or clearing tables etc etc, it's much less fun than generally interacting with other people. and if you had a waitress who knew anything about anything, i can guarantee you she wasn't bothered. you get rude customers. it happens. for me, i always have more sympathy for younger people clearly out with their family, MORE SO if their family are the rude kind. you can always always tell when they dont want to be there and are embarrassed by their family's behaviour, and i promise you that girl wouldn't have been cross.
but on the other end, if you did have a shitty waitress or she was just having a bad day and this tipped the scale, one thing about working in the catering industry is you genuinely stop seeing people as people. it sounds awful but a customer is not a person to me; they're their own thing. i will literally spend 5 minutes talking to one guy and turn around without even knowing what colour his hair was. it's actually uncanny how little i remember people's faces and if they came back again another time i would be none the wiser. so at least remember that. it probably wasn't as bad as it felt, and if it was, that waitress has already forgotten what any of you look like anyway lmao
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fictionkinfessions · 2 years
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Collei. Dear. My little leaf. Im so sorry about everything. I genuinely cannot apologize enough for all you were put through. And Im sure there are some versions of you out there who wont give me the time of day, write me off as a terrible father and not hear me out. I can't say its not a fair choice. But.
Just give me a moment.
If I could have changed everything, and kept you alive in doing so, I would have. You were so young. You were our only child to live to 8. Our only child who got to live at all, really. Even though you were incredibly ill. Your mother and I worked so hard to try and find SOMEONE who was willing to treat you. But. Well- You know.
The fatui was our only option. It was a terrible option and we didnt trust it but we were desperate to keep our child, you, alive. It was this, or watch another child die. Stuck between a rock and a hard place as they say. Of course I know now they had alternative motives for why they were willing to treat you. It wasnt hard to figure it out not long after back then too.
Despite all of that your mother and I were dragged into being their soldiers. To "repay them for their generous medical care". When they wouldnt even tell us where you were, or how you were doing.
The work killed your mother, I doubt you would remember because of your age, but she was ill like you. Just not nearly as bad. I suppose thats where you got it from. She was declining for quite some time, it wasnt a surprise that getting the news you died did her in. I tried so hard to convince her they were lying. I convinced myself they were. Im still glad I did. Because I was right. But your mother never did like to believe in uncanny fantasies.
I wish I could have head out right then. I wish I could have told the fatui I was done and walked out the door to go find you immediately. I had a promise to fulfill. Even if it ment we'd meet again with you in a body bag I didnt care. I wanted to see my daughter again. But I couldnt get out. Not for several more years. The fatui are.. surprisingly good at keeping an eye on their soldiers. But I didnt give up trying and it worked eventually. I got out. Just like you did.
It was a long road to finding you. It was never going to be easy. A single old faded picture of you was all I had to help my search. That and a small spark of hope that the regions outside of Sumeru wouldn't have turned you away.
I'm so grateful I made it to mondstadt. And ran into Amber. That outrider sure does know how to do her job. She knew exactly who I was looking for from seeing the picture, didnt even tell her your name. She cared about you a lot. I'm glad you made some life long friends. Though I dont think I'll ever forget her face when Jean pointed out the possible malice in our seperation. Explaining my story to them wasnt something I wanted to do. But I had to if I were going to find you.
I shouldn't have been surprised really, from your perspective it likely did look like abandonment. I wouldn't have doubted for a second if the Fatui told you thats what it was to. But I promise you Collei. I never abandoned you. Your mother and I were lied to, and used for the fatuis goals just like you were (well not exactly like you, but you get my point Im sure).
I wish I couldve taken it back. But. I really cant. Not when I know you wouldn't have made it to 9 if we didn't beg the fatui for help. But Im not sure how much better a decade of seperation is.
But you were alive. You found happiness. And I am so proud of how much you've grown.
And hey at least this go around I can say all of this without breaking down into tears, right? Not that cool of your old man to cry that hard in front of his daughter as soon as he finds her.
~Collei's father. I believe my name was Malyk? 🕯♟ (Source is Genshin Impact)
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cloverrae · 17 days
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regarding the zoey aph post i kind of feel like the only reason we see aphmau as, what u said, ‘not a good mother’ than zoey because well. doesn’t make for good content which was the entirety of s1. it wasn’t at all made for the characters or story growth— plus with them being npcs lol that being said s2 kinda crazy how she just dips
bc be honest, would you have stuck around for a dozen episodes of this minecraft fantasy world and rather than the promised adventures you get aphmau fawning over a baby npc 😭 (that too!!! for most of s1 levin is a basic, basic npc who’s actions are always written in asterisks, we don’t actually see him doing much) from a content perspective, it’s incredibly boring.
THAT BEING SAID THIS ISNT MEANT TO BE LIKE … anything bad at all, i just consider aphmau already being a good mom in canon? i think i can reason it as it just happened off camera - that’s what i’ve always done . my apology for the dump in ur box you did not ask for this im sorry
I totally get where you're coming from. I even acknowledged this myself in my post on making Aphmau a better mother.
For the type of content that she was creating, Jess did the best she could. It was an rpg, stuff was constantly happening and she was trying to stay updated on everything in every episode.
But if you look at it from a different format, such as a story you'd find in a book (which is the format most people who want to rewrite mcd choose) it comes off as crazy and all over the place.
If you were reading this 'plot point - to - plot point' as we see it in the videos, it would be a mess. Most of the chapters would be her going door to door to check on each villager like some sort of warden.
The best way I can summarize it is that she spreads herself so thin in the videos, and that wouldn't work for a book.
A story in a book is made of several large plot points. Jess' series was kind of like 100 plot points.
So, to keep it simple while simultaneously trying to improve upon it, I'm trying to prioritize certain relationships. Aph isn't going to be best buddies with everyone in the village. And she'll only know the big plot points, not every tiny argument and such.
A lot of that character building we saw with the day to day check ins are going to come from a few scenarios I'll make up so we can get a good feel for how that character works and how they'll react to future situations.
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But anyway, onto the main two things. Zoey and Levin. I'm not going to make my rewrite a day-to-day of their domestic life. I'll throw in like 2-3 scenes of it and the audience will be able to assume "Ah, this is how Aphmau's life goes when she's at home."
In books, we aren’t watching the mc wake up, brush their teeth, have breakfast, do-da-de until they fall asleep. We see them when stuff is happening.
And honestly, the things I want to change are such an easy fix. Changing 2 sentences will change how you see the character. Here is an example:
Aphmau went into town shortly after getting ready for the day. She noticed as she passed the plaza that some sort of argument was breaking out. She could hear Donna's angry shouts and a quieter, gentler voice pleading with her. Knowing it was probably to do with Logan's situation, Aphmau rushed in to address the situation.
Vs.
As Aphmau carried Levin through the streets, stopping every now and then to let him play with a leaf on a hanging branch or to watch a rabbit dart through the woods, she heard Garroth call out to her. Apparently, there was a situation in the plaza between Donna and Kiki and it was getting ugly fast. Handing Levin to Garroth, Aphmau rushed to address the situation.
You get the same end result in both versions. But one shows Aphmau being a decent mother. And lets you assume that "ah, this is how she normally is when stuff isn't happening"
Just having little things like this riddled within the story makes such a big difference. And this is how I want to address a lot of the smaller, character changes.
Of course, the main story still happens. I'm just reworking the journey so it includes good stuff and gets rid of bad stuff.
Sorry for rambling. I just wanted to explain how different formats can influence the same plot points in vastly different ways.
Honestly, she could have been better in the videos. Little things, like getting Levin a gift while on her adventures or starting the episode by finishing a play session with him. I know it was an rpg at first, and realism and character development was not a priority, but I mean... Jess got way into it by the end. The breaking of the fourth wall completely disappeared by the end of season 1.
Like yes, Aph was really the only sentient character we had at first, going around and interacting with people props that had built in voice lines. But in season 2, every character was moving and talking on their own and such.
As funny as it would be to start a book off with the mc being like "all right, so I'm in this book and I'm just going to start doing shit and seeing what happens" and slowly becoming a character like everyone else sounds funny as hell. I care too much about having a well-rounded story from start to finish.
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ladyfanatics · 2 months
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it's been a while. man, i was wondering when I'd stop posting on here. it started feeling like a chore instead of being stress-free. anyway, im back at school, my mom half knows abt my ex, cuz yes i told her and i broke up with him. yes, he's still texting me through someone, yes it's annoying. yes I've blocked him everywhere. now that I think abt it, I should change all my passwords. yes I have a new crush, again. yes, my hair is still blond. yes, I'm anxious abt him finding me or smth. . #paranoidtings 🧏🏻‍♀️ so, I guess I should update yall on the other dude I liked, Kyle. welp, in simple terms, I gave up. too many girls liked him, but he also did something that irked me enough to stop speaking to him. which is sad, but the fact I, the ugly bitch, got this far, is mighty impressive. anyways, he texted me abt this girl I know, and it made me jealous and I decided that that was enough. i haven't entirely stopped liking him, but I have feelings for a new dude. it's not exactly feelings, but DAAAAYUM he's fine. let's call him Michy. he's just sooo. but I have my doubts that he's a whore too. just like Kyle, I sit next to him in class. last class I had with him made me imagine having his babies tbh. he laughs at everything I do, I'm not even exaggerating. i typed my email wrong and complained that it wouldn't log me in, and he burst out laughing. then he started playing papa pizzeria, and I had told him that I had never played the game. he said I had no life, and laughed when I couldn't slide the pizza all the way. dammmnnn yall.. he's tan, curly headed, and lowkey looks asian. whatever, let's get into my ex and why he pisses me off. he won't leave me alone. he keeps texting me. im TRYING to go no contact, but he's LITERALLY not letting me. it's so ..ugh. the more I look back, the more I realize how weird our relationship truly was. for exemple, he always needed to mention my backside. I have a voluptuous ass for a skinny girl, I know. it's been brought up THOUSANDS of times, I GET IT. he had given me this weird nicknames that literally REVOLVED around it. "sexy lady with a level 4 gyatt"... without mentioning how cringe that is, wth?? seriously? ew. when I brought up that I had never showed it to him, he brought up the time I had wore leggings on call. he said that he "couldn't help but look". like what? he's creeping me out generally. honestly if I end up dead somewhere, it'll be his fault. also, he wouldn't let me break up with him. he tried to make me promise I'd wait for him, I said no. this isn't mlp. that's not how relationships even work. i tried to break up multiple times over the span of 2 WEEKS. that's INSANE?? I also was worried he'd do something, so I made him promise he wouldn't, and asked his best friend to watch over him. I think that's pretty good. im not a good girlfriend, at first, I felt bad for him. but after the 5th time trying to break up, you start getting annoyed. ig that's my life now. it sucks. im still friends with my bff. ppl have asked me multiple times to go back to the gc. I've said no or avoided it entirely. i NEVER wanna go back. I HATE that gc and the majority of everyone in it. I haven't spoken in there since 31st December or January 1st, which is cool, since I had been in it since July 😀. it felt so good to ghost everyone. trust me, ghost everyone, you'll be free. this year I'm protecting the FUCK out of my peace. enough of letting ppl walk over me. esp boys. so yeah, that's my resolution ig. im proud of myself for trying in the first place. anyways, tomorrow i have that class with michy. that's if he's even there. he probs won't be, but wtv. if he is, maybe I'll tell you, or maybe I'll disappear AGAIN 😝😝 anyways, that's my life yall. it's been.. special. I've probably left out a lot, but it's so much and this log is big enough
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chappedlipjournal · 7 months
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I had a dentist appointment last friday and it went shockingly well. And im very pleased about that. But i was so anxious all day. Couldnt focus. Couldnt work. It was genuinely horrible. I decided to get a treat afterward but they made my order wrong and thr guy who took my order was really condescending about it and i couldnt see what i had ordered because the screen wasnt working. So then i decided to go back but the road was closed and a guy yelled at me for it bcuz i had to turn around. And i ended up having a melt down in my car. Which sucked a lot honestly. It was just too much. By the time i got home i was pretty miserable. So i decided to watch heartstopper.
And its such a cute show. And for the most part light hearted. But the last episode really caught me off guard. Theres a brief mention of charlie's self harm. Which i didnt see coming at all. I knew he struggled with an ED that was most likely to be explored more. But I had no idea that he cut too. Since I was already feeling pretty bad it immediately triggered me. Like shivers down the spine triggered me. And i could feel it. I didnt relapse.
But i think for the first time i saw/felt what other people may have seen when they looked at me. I saw this boy, this young boy, who had so much inside him. So much hate and disgust and anger and i think in some ways grief. This toxic sludge he was just stuck in so he did the only thing he could think of. And i saw him and i realized that no one should feel like that, no one should be made to feel like that. And that's the first time I've ever really FELT that. I knew it logically. I wouldn't want anyone to go through how i felt between 12-16 roughly. But I saw Charlie sitting there, knees to his chest, and I thought this boy should have never hurt like that. I should have never hurt like that. I've never included myself in those statements before.
I don't think any of it has ever really clicked for me before. I see those affirmations and I believe them logically but I didn't feel them. And I think I do now. I think heartstopper fundamentally changed the way i think about my own self harm. Which is the last thing i expected from this show. Like genuinely.
And i thought more about charlie over the weekend. How he wants control. How he doesnt eat sometimes. And i know when i was like 13/14, I was on the presipice of an eating disorder, anorexia most likely. I was restricting quite heavily. I was fixated on the mirror. I wanted to be smaller. I wanted to be thinner. I wanted my clothes to be loose. I would eat cough drops for breakfast. I would pick the tiniest plate i could for dinner. I would eat in my room. I was calorie tracking. I was working out on an empty stomach. I know if i had continued down that path that i would have developed an eating disorder without question. And im conscious of that time period in my life even today. Whenever i think abour restricting or tracking what i eat or trying to shape my diet in such a way that i could get better results in the gym, i dont because im scared i will fall into that same mindset. I dont think that this is a relationship that i can fix on my own anymore than i already have,
But i think about all this and i think about charlie skipping breakfast. I think about him saying he ate somewhere else. Teenage me is like him in so many ways. And I just never expected it.
And then, Nick asking Charlie to promise to tell him if it ever gets that bad. I just. I think it's a well meaning gesture. It comes from a place of care and concern and love. But honestly, I can think of nothing worse that a loved one could make me promise. Because I would inevitably fail to tell them. I would keep a secret. This is 100% informed by my own experience, which I think is closer to an addiction than not. But i just see it as setting myself up for failure. And i really really hope that the show did not set up charlie for failure on that account.
But seeing nick and seeing the way he looked at charlie, how he listened, how he cried and hugged him. Im just mind blown.
And that sort of led me to my third point this weekend. And i think im angry. I think im angry that experts dont really understand non-suicidal self-injury. I havent been able to do a lot of research on it for a while. But the supporting evidence and the body of literature that i am familiar with is just so lack luster and ambigious. And it infuriates me when i think about it because charlie deserves better, i deserve better.
One line in heartstopper completely reshaped my world view and im still coming to grips with that honestly. But it feels like a massive step toward healing. A step i didnt know i needed.
Now i just really need netflix to not fuck it up. Based on what i have seen, i think the cast and alice oseman care deeply. But after the shit show that was 13 reasons why (which i used to watch to trigger myself on purpose) i dont really trust them.
I wish i could shout this revelation from the rooftop but i cant so this anonymous tumblr blog will have to suffice.
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#5
I took 300. It's been about 4 days since my last one but dealing with this sinus infection + interview + generally being busy lately just naturally kept me from taking it much. But I thought about it randomly and me being me it wouldn't stop until I did it or there was something serious preventing me from doing so. I'm kinda predisposed for this shit now that I'm saying it out loud. I do this with everything. I just blew all my money at this store off me seeing a mere 2 shirts I was interested in. It's honestly something I should work on outside of all this lmao
Ngl I have no idea how to make the keep reading thing on mobile so this is gonna be a... massive wall of text to scroll past for a hit I'm so sorry. I'll fix it as soon as possible I promise
UPDATE: tis done finally and i'm gonna try and better explain what I was tryna say yesterday in my notes
AFTERMATH
I ended up taking about 100 more and I woulda did more but it started to hit hard hard and it was making body do the absolute most so I just went to bed. I feel really sleepy and out of it. I'm ready to go back to sleep to be real. I feel exhausted. My perception of time is kinda fucked as well. That'd commonish when I'm like this tbh. I hate it so much. I don't want to feel like this
NOTES/EMOTIONS
I've recently had this random message and we've been talking pretty consistently everyday. It's been cool. But it did make me realize some shit with R. It just made me see that it either was never or has been a long while since she has been like... full on full on about me. The way that she made it seem when it happened was that she felt the same but she knew that she should continue on with her gf but now seeing how I've been these last few months, I dont think it was as mutual as she made it out to be.
She was... very confused. Cause not saying it like that but the way she was able to jump ships so quick and just be completely good is the biggest eye opener for me. I now HAVE someone I can do all that with if I really wanted to and to be real I have a long term friendship that's gotten a lot closer lately and I know it'd get there if I let it but it's just like... I don't want it. Plain and simple. I've been having person after person where I could easily ease into allllll the garbage we used to talk about and hangout for just as long as we used to but I just.. I dunno. It doesn't feel the same. So it doesn't get all the way there. But seeing as she just said she'd do it and just did it plain as that with seemingly no struggle? I see that it's always been one-sided. Or at least it was a bigger deal to me than it was to her. Which is valid tbh
It kinda helped me... mmm... stop longing as much? It's been a big thing for me all throughout my life having all my friendships and my singular relationship all be more important to me than to them. So having that unfold in front of me for prolly the 100th time has changed my thinking alot. I still wish it was like that but seeing as it was whatever to her it made me see that I'm holding onto such a small part of her. You know? If that's something you can give away and take back with no problem, it must notve been that important. So why am I hung up on that? She's more than whatever she gave me and I think it's unfair of me to let myself hurt from her just existing. Im not explaining it right. Sorry. I'm coming up on it atp and even if I weren't high it'd be hard to describe anyway 😮‍💨
Next day update: Uh i'm gonna try and restate what I mean by holding onto a small part of her. I feel like I wasn't fully understanding what I meant by that my damn self lmao
For one, I'm sure this is way I'm feeling is partially a trauma response. I've always felt cast aside all my life. With me moving around a lot, I never had any deep deep friendships with anyone which led me to be pretty disposable to the friendships I did end up making through the years. I just didn't have the history all the ther kids had with them you know? Then after a while, I started to see signs of that same thing in my family as well. That I'll explain more in detail in a later entry as the thick of it isn't needed for you to understand my point. It is an ongoing issue and it's been this way for as long as I can remember. So feeling like it happened again to someone I really thought was different triggered it. Ofc
Though now that I've thought more on it, I partially still think she sees me the way I see her but due to her own issues she's sticking to her current relationship. Which I've kind of seen for a while. It'd make perfect sense. Her self of self worth is piss poor at best and she acts like she has to "make up" for her being horrible when in reality if her partner loves her the way she should, she wouldn't want her to be overworking herself to prove herself. She's enough as is you know?
But, even if that isn't the case after all, if she really never liked me in that way or if she did and moved on, I still need to be a better friend to her. I feel like I've been letting my hurt get in the way and it's not fair. I think my letting us not talking as much distance us is sending the wrong signals. It makes it seem like I only like her for what she was doing for me and now that she's not constantly around to provide that I'm losing my feelings. Which is really not the case.
I hate that I've been acting this way for so long. I won't go in too much detail cause I'm pretty tired atp and I want to outline for another entry. But basically, I think that me not changing how I treat her throughout all this will keep me from looking like I only fell for what she did for me. Because really, that's the only thing that changed. It makes it feel shallow that I've been upset for so long tbh. She's still her at the end of the day and she didn't hurt me on purpose. And at the end of the day, she just needs something stable and unchanging for once.
It feels like everything else is a giant rollercoaster of emotions that vary so much day by day. She's lost friends to them catching feels, have siblings with major anger issues, and her partner goes ghost when they're upset half the time. I know being caught in that all the time can warp your perception overtime. She's not used to things just being easy. She always has to fight for her place. And I know it's scary to have this random just be like hey uh. You're cool and I'm not dipping if you aren't. So I completely understand if she can't feel the same right now. Or ever honestly. I hope that she gets out of that mindset someday but I completely understand if that doesn't mean running back to me. And I don't want that to look like that's my motivation. I just want to teach her that you don't have to be perfect all the damn timeto keep people around
I won't even lie. IM guilty of that as well. Because throughout my life, arguing was seen as something to avoid as all costs for various reasons. Not wanting to talk back, not wanting to upset people, making a more casual friendship a deeper one by bringing up things deeper than whatever surface level bs we'd talk about. Conflict to me usually meant a long time of either awkward and slow "recovering" with nothing changing regardless or drifting apart. It was never something we could casually talk out. Things just had to hit the fan first. It wasn't something we could just talk out
I hate that she feels the same way. It makes me sad. Cause I see her... well not see.... mmm.. I can sense her tensing up when we have our disagreements. Even when she first said we couldn't talk as much, I had to reach out to show I wasn't leaving because of it. She was too scared to talk.
We've had other disagreements and she still gets nervous. I try to keep a more level head nowadays. Whenever I blow up I can see that it strains our friendship for a bit and even though I know we can work past it, why put that pressure on us you know? I've tried to be better about discussing things rather than waiting for it all the blow up into something we HAVE to address and I hope that someday that helps her raise the bar of who all she gives her all to. If me of all people can keep my cool given all that's happened, she should start expecting that from randoms as well. It's the bare minimum and I WISH she saw it that way.
I think that with that being said, me not changing how I treat her through all this is a good thing on two fronts. For one, it doesn't make it seem like the only thing I liked about her is what she did for me. I like her for her and while I miss it, she's a lot more than what we did together through those few months and it implies otherwise to let things change when for the most part that's all that changed. She's still my favorite person with or without the 80 million year long vcs and not being around 24/7.
And two, it shows stability. I said I wouldn't leave as long as she'd keep me around, and me keeping my word through everything should be a lesson. If they wanted to, they would. I am slightly sad about the shit and it still hurts sometimes. But at the end of the day, I'm not going to abandon her because of it. Her feelings are very important to me and I'm not going to hurt her so I can try and "replace" her or go back to my old ways cause it'd be easier for me. And that should be the way all her friends treat her. It's a basic respect. I hate that she's gotten so used to endlessly chasing and changing for others and not getting the same energy back. But I hope that I can set a standard for her though this stuff.
I am. Real sleepy atp and i think i explained enough. probably. ill reread tomrrow its 4:30 atp and i didnt start that outline yet..
I'll move onto the next things with less detail as I think I'm taking more. My sister has a boyfriend that she regularly sneaks out to see. I have been alr with being her alibi for the most part. It helps both of us in a way and I know that she appreciates it. So I just did it and tried to reassure her that she could drag me wherever long as they ain't start interrogating me or anything. But her boyfriend is. Very immature. Very. They have been fighting a lot and not saying it as she doesn't have her issues but he has a lot of shit you can see just by the outside looking in
He's quick to anger, at one point they fought over the fact she commented on some dude in bts's post wishing him a quick recovery. That was what made him irredeemable in my opinion. Insecurity is a horrible thing you know? It can make you say a lot of dumb shit. And some people are more vocal about them but I wish he didn't take it out on her you know? Half their problems would be fixed if he wasn't so scared to be vulnerable.
But even then.. still. He's kinda mean to her. And everyone from the looks of it. Told his own mom to shut up, talked shit about me from the veryyy beginning when I barely knew him, actually was talking shit about me right at the mall today. He's just too comfortable doing that mess to anyone. It's inconsiderate and disrespectful. His mom and my sister sure. Maybe they're close and they know he doesn't mean it. But once he started doing me like that when I have barely spoken a whole sentence to this dude I got the ick.
And those two came together and reminded me of an old friend's relationship. Very similar. Dude ended up being a horrible person but she never saw it until he started physically abusing her while she was pregnant with his child. And it makes me tempted to treat him just as I did my friend's ex. It just is so clear from the outside looking in and it's so easy to call them out on their bluff you know? They do all this extra as far as yelling and talking shit but at the end of the day it's because they're scared and ashamed of they damn self. And it's pathetic that they're taking such a common issue and taking it out on someone that's only there to love you.
I'm trying to stop myself but. Very hard. So hard. I don't want to explain all this to my sister in fear of ostracizing her. I know how it feels to be in her shoes. But it just sucks that it's gonna take her to see it herself you know?
God. I have so much more I want to say but. I'm freezing. I'm just gonna sleep. Or take more. I dunno. I don't know why I rambled so much today. Everything was just feeling clear ig
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