#but if u don’t get it that’s also fine bc theyre for me at the end of the day

[snowsonlylove]

hii!! i commented about making a fic of coryo w or about the song haunted by beyonce, i was thinking maybe something smut if ur comfortable! if not its okay but the fic could be academy!coriolanus x academy!reader and theyre school rivals both working hard to beat each other and theyre obsessed with each other but they hide it with the fact they wanna win but they j wanna fuck (or get together) maybe theyre both possessive and jealous or coryo is the one thats really extra with it,, the story could go rlly slow too and then theres just a part where the facade and tension goes away and theyre needing each other so badly at that moment rushing everything, just like how the song goes idk if i made any sense :o im so excited to see the result!! this song just gives me coriolanus vibes

You Must Be Haunting Me..

a/n note: hii!! yes, i loved your idea and i mostly stayed with your vision, only changing some minor things so the situation makes sense and dw i managed to deliver 🫡 hopefully you like it!! tysm for your idea and i look forward to seeing if there are some things you want to expand on (maybe with little blurbs on this dynamic bc i absolutely LOVE this trope!) & i'm totally comfortable with smut so dw about sending me kinky asks or requests. i totally accept them!!

Pairing: Academy!Coriolanus Snow x AcademyRival!Reader

Summary: Y/N Y/L/N and Coriolanus Snow have been academic rivals ever since the beginning of their journey in the Academy. It’s no secret that both Y/N and Coriolanus are the two top students of the Academy, both of them only being able to beat each other, the rest are just no competition for them. However, they genuinely have no idea why they're doing this constant battle against each other. Little did they know, both of them always think about each other behind closed doors and are obsessed with each other, each equally impressed at the other at how intelligent they are. One day, things just boil over with how Coriolanus constantly riles Y/N up and they explode in a huge fight which results in a turmoil of deep, rough and passionate sex. 

Fic Type: Smut (NSFW) 18+, Enemies to Lovers trope, dramatic behaviour from both of them, a wee bit of angst (mostly derived from the name-calling but in my head this is more funny than it is angsty 😭😭😭)

Warnings: unprotected sex (don’t do this guys, use a condom. reader is on birth control), rough pushing, harsh words used from both Y/N and Coriolanus, degradation (use of whore), cunnilingus (female receiving), squirting, lmk if i missed anything else

Word Count: 2k

I do not own Coriolanus Snow or Y/N Y/L/N (cuz it’s you, boo). All credits go to Suzanne Collins and her team. Song credits also go to Beyonce and her team. 

I do not allow my works to be republished or translated under any circumstances. Any instances of this happening and YOU WILL BE BLOCKEDDD. 

Also, ageless and empty blogs will be BLOCKED as this is a 18+ fic. Report my fics and you’re blocked cuz if u don’t like it, LEAVEEEE.

Y/N Y/L/N and Coriolanus Snow began this disastrous journey from the age of 11-12. Both students entered the Academy with an air of poise and elitism about them as they knew what it took to defeat the competition in the Academy, most students not even being a possible candidate to them. It was all fine and well, until one year, Y/N and Coriolanus were put in the same class for the year, and the rivalry then started..

The first assignment of that year was an individual project on what each student thought the Capitol looked like during its earliest times. Each student was tasked with coming up with a drawing with their thoughts on said topic. This was their chance to go up against each other. Both Y/N and Coriolanus would stay up in the library after school and collect piles of books and do their research and by the time the task was due, Y/N and Coriolanus obviously submitted the best sketches.

After acknowledging this, the professor asked the class to vote for who’s sketch was the best. Small pieces of paper were given out to write either Y/N’s and Coriolanus’s names and as the professor then collected the papers, making both students anxious. As the professor counted the votes, Y/N’s heart was beating out of her chest, Coriolanus’s as well. It was then announced that Y/N won, which made Coriolanus furious as he spewed a full speech on how much he hated her. “You’d never be as good as what they say you are. You’re just dirt under my feet. God! You’re such a bitch!” He screamed as the professor and the class started at him in astonishment as they’ve never seen him lash out before.

Y/N was heartbroken when she heard this as sometimes when Coriolanus wasn’t looking, Y/N would sneak glances towards him and she started to be enamoured by him. Their time together after hours in the library would usually end up in them having conversations about their day and this time together helped them bond better. With this in mind, Y/N truly thought Coriolanus was at least civil enough to be respectful towards her. Y/N felt tears well up in her eyes as she ran out of the classroom, the professor telling her to wait.

Coriolanus, still blind with rage, kept on screaming and yelling obscenities about Y/N as he stormed off to his seat, his face red and his whole demeanour fueling with rage. Unfortunately, this fateful day was what started the vicious rivalry between Y/N and Coriolanus as the two would fight over who got the better grades, which teacher favoured which student more, the differences in their scores in each assignment every single day.

As of current, both Y/N and Coriolanus are 18 and in the midst of graduating. One of their last assignments was unfortunately a pair assignment. Dr Gaul once scoped out the Academy and witnessed one of the fights between Y/N and Coriolanus and she noticed how by getting them near each other, she could make them into the power couple of Panem and have them continue the Hunger Games, which inspired her to whisper in the ear of Dean Highbottom to get them to be in the same class and for them to share a table together until they graduated. Both Y/N and Coriolanus were very unhappy about this, both choosing to ignore each other while they were in their seats. 

With both of them getting older, both Y/N and Coriolanus started noticing certain things about them. Coriolanus noticed how Y/N’s facial features were more prominent, how her ass got bigger, her breasts more plump, making him unable to control a certain urge at times which led him to mastrubate thinking about her sometimes. Y/N also noticed a few things about Coriolanus. How he started to grow muscles, how they cling to his academy uniform whenever he took off his academy jacket, how his jaw was sharper, how his nose was becoming more emphasised, how he lost his baby fat. She can honestly go forever and forever about how attractive he is.

That being said, there was one particular day where everything just blew over the water. Y/N and Coriolanus were taking notes during Dean Highbottom’s lecture when Y/N felt Coriolanus’s elbow dig into her arms whenever they got to writing. This obviously made Y/N frustrated as she harshly whispered to Coriolanus to stop a few times, which led to a hushed debate between the two before it grew louder and louder until they were screaming at each other, making the whole class look at them and Dean Highbottom staring at them in shock before yelling for them to stop and stay after class for detention.

Both Y/N and Coriolanus felt embarrassed as they were lectured by Dean Highbottom after class before an assistant of Dean Highbottom requested him to join Dr Gaul for a meeting about the Hunger Games. Dean Highbottom sighed as he looked at the two young teenagers, “Look.. I feel that you two are now old enough to know what is acceptable behaviour in class. I’ll be back soon, do not kill each other while I’m gone.” As Highbottom left the classroom, the tense atmosphere began to build as the door closed behind him.

Almost immediately after he left, Y/N and Coriolanus stared at each other with the most hateful expression ever. Y/N menacingly glared at him while saying with gritted teeth, “See, Coriolanus! If you’re long ass elbow didn’t fucking dig in my arm every single time, that old fart wouldn’t lecture us for one fucking hour! My god, you’re truly dumb!” Coriolanus glared at her before stating, “It’s not my fucking fault that happened with you were taking over the whole goddamn table with your arms everywhere! Geez, Y/N! I thought you’d be more modest!”

Y/N looked at him, shocked, “ME?!! You’re blaming ME for something YOU did! That is so fucking misogynistic coming from you, a man! I swear to god, this is discrimination towards women at its core! Grow the fuck up, Coriolanus! We’re not children anymore! God! I’d be spending my time with Sejanus right now if it weren’t for your stubborn ass!” Y/N huffed while rolling her eyes. Coriolanus stared at her, his face full of jealousy before gritting out, “Sejanus? What the fuck are you doing with Sejanus?! You’re such a fucking whore! Ugh, you’re such a bitch!” Y/N looked at him, offended, “Bitch, weren’t you just fucking Clemensia a few weeks ago? Yeah, I heard about that! Everyone was practically talking about it! Don’t pretend to be so innocent, Coriolanus!”

Coriolanus looked at her, his expression turned dark as he stalked towards her, her taking a step back until her back had hit the wall. Coriolanus leaned towards her, lifting one of his arms to go above her, bringing the other hand towards her chin and lifting it. At this point, the height difference became very apparent as her head was tipped far back, her still glaring at him. “Are you baiting me, Y/N? You talk so much for someone who just fucked Felix Ravinstill of all people a few days ago..” Y/N continued to glare up at him, “At least I had the decency to keep it in my pants longer than you! God, I hate you!” Coriolanus looked taken aback as he muttered while leaning in to cup her cheeks, her face wiggling to be let out of his grip, “Well, I hate you too, sweetheart…” 

Coriolanus leaned in as he captured Y/N’s lips with his, their mouths fighting for dominance as they kissed each other as if they needed each other to breathe. The previous tension broke into a more sensual type of tension as Coriolanus wrapped his hands around her hair ravenously while Y/N’s hand made friends with the back of his neck. One of Coriolanus’s hands found its way to Y/N’s waist as he dragged her away from the wall, pushing her towards a nearby desk before propping her up on the desk and spreading her legs, allowing him to be closer to her, not once breaking their kiss. Y/N broke their kiss as she moved her lips to Coriolanus’s neck and trailed them down his Adam’s apple while taking off his blazer and unbuttoning his shirt, Coriolanus doing the same to her.

As they undressed each other, they continued to slide their tongues against each other, the sound echoing around the classroom. They managed to undress each other down to them both only wearing underwear before Coriolanus kneeled down so that he was face to face with the apex of her thighs. Coriolanus leaned in and captured his teeth to her underwear as he slowly pulled it down, revealing her aching, dripping pussy. Coriolanus licked his lips as he roughly shoved two fingers in her cavern as he curled his fingers in and out her folds, creating a beautiful sensation as he found her G-spot with no difficulty.

Y/N moaned as she threw her head back and slid her hands down to Coriolanus’s hair and tugged on it while pulling him closer to her heat. “Oh my gosh.. Coryo, it feels so good…” As he kept pumping his fingers in and out of her, he suddenly attached his lips onto her clit as he sucked on her clit and pumped his fingers harder, each movement feeling more and more intense for Y/N. He kept on going as he curled his fingers one final time, which made Y/N yell out as she squirted and covered his fingers with her wetness.

Y/N sighed in satisfaction as she helped Coriolanus up and gave him a deep, passionate kiss while tugging down his underwear and hooking her legs on the bottom of his back, Coriolanus leaned in closer as he aligned his erection with her heat, tapping his dick on her clit a few times before pushing his hardness in her heat. He only pushed in half of it when Y/N suddenly exclaimed, “Coryo, it’s too much! I can’t take all of it!” 

Coriolanus leaned down so his forehead was laying against hers before whispering in a comforting tone, “It will fit, Y/N. Trust me, trust me..” He closed his eyes as he leaned in to capture her lips with his as he pushed in slower this time, now being able to fill her pussy with his cock to the point where their hips were against each other. Coriolanus groaned as he slowly pulled out before thrusting in again, “Fuck, Y/N… You’re so good. Such a good girl..” 

Y/N moaned at hearing him praise her as he started to thrust his dick in faster, each time harder and rougher than the last. The room started to echo with the sound of her moaning, his groaning and the sound of skin slapping. Y/N closed her eyes as she moaned, her mouth forming an “O” shape as she threw her head back once more and arched her back, needing to feel closer to him. Coriolanus wrapped his arms around her waist as he pulled her in closer and kissed his way all around her neck, leaving furious red hickeys which would soon turn purple.

The pace in which he was fucking her got rougher each time he would thrust his aching hard dick into her dripping pussy, the slapping sound really turning them on and his balls slapped to her ass, their moans becoming louder and louder each time. The furious force in which he was fucking her started to reach a boiling point as Coriolanus moaned, “Ugh.. I’m fucking cumming, Y/N. Oh.. You’re such a good girl. Such a tight and wet pussy..” 

“Ohh.. Coriolanus… So good, so deep… I’m gonna come, gonna come.. OH MY GODD!!” Y/N screamed as she came. Coriolanus groaned as he came inside her, sighing as he tried to bask in the afterglow of his orgasm, holding Y/N tight against his chest in the process. Y/N left kisses and hickeys around his neck as she looked up at him with a dazed but satisfied expression and kissed his lips however, this time the kiss shared between them wasn’t one full of hate, it was one full of love.

As they pulled away from each other and started to get dressed, Coriolanus faced Y/N and said, “You know, if you wanted to fuck me, you could’ve said so.” He said with a smirk. Y/N turned to look at him, acting shocked as she huffed in feign frustration, “Oh shut up, Coriolanus!” She smacked his chest as both of them gave each other a silly grin before hurling in laughter.

#academy!coriolanus snow #coriolanus snow #tbosas fanfiction #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #hunger games #coriolanus x reader #coriolanus snow x reader #snow x reader #coriolanus snow smut #coriolanus snow angst

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

My friend @rainbowcat-writing hit me with the absolute best au idea the other day. The concept? Sun and Moon as Big Magical Lion(-Shapeshifting-Centaur) Creatures that r in love with Y/N, a conservation manager, and absolutely will not stop being big lovey dovey baby meow meows abt it

To copy and paste a good summary from the discord convos last night:

reader works on a conservation team set up in the field, finds Moon wounded, patches him up, keeps coming back to check on him, meets Sun, sun n moon get attached, guess what th two really big scarily smart lions are actually lion,, centaur. creatures and theyve understood everything youve said also they keep calling you their mate and ur pretty sure theyre flirting with u but its “””hard to tell”””

-

sun and moon: our mate :3 tiny human mate. we will make such a good pride with u, who is our mate.

reader: hmmmmm. i think maybe, just maybe,,,,,, they might be exhibiting some courtship behaviors. but i cant be sure if they are or for what reason,, its a mystery

(Vanessa is the security team lead and connects the dots after watching the Strangely Intelligent And Very Big Lions that have been lurking around camp for several weeks leaving ‘gifts’ (pretty flowers, dead animals, one time a twisty-shaped tree branch only bc it looked like something a human would find interesting) one day straight up just grab reader by the back of their shirt and drag them off all while Reader is shouting that they’re fine and it’s not a big deal you’ll be back in like two hours tops and she’s just like “alright yknow what? fuck it. whatever. I don’t even care anymore. so long as they don’t eat the moron they can just go nuts about it” as she pours liquor into her fifth coffee of the day)

#aus to be adored #friends au idea #friends of the babbit #fnaf au #fnaf dca #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf sun x reader #fnaf sun x y/n #fnaf moon x reader #fnaf moon x y/n #lion sun #lion moon #lions in love au #bones of a rabbit #and yes reader is just as dense as usual #maybe even more so considering this is their profession #doodles #sketches #silly fluff #au rambles #rainbowcat-writing #I love this idea so much aaaAAAAAAAAA #concept art #I’m sorry these r so ugly I’m allergic to drawing things coherently lately #cries

[noeasyisnoisy]

‼️TBB EP 12 SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT‼️

FUCK YOU HEMLOCK

also this title scares me bc the only experience i have is juggernaut is when it was in halo reach and my brother would kick my ass every time

“come with me” what if she js didn’t 🙂

omega might escape w all the kids lowk

NO OMEGAS RIGHT U DONT HAVE TO DO THIS EMERIE

“i’m glad you’re safe” “am i?” STOP

oh god hunter and wrecker still don’t know FUCK

WHAT

WE JS SKIPPED OVER THEM FINDING OUT

crosshair 🤨🤨🤨

PHEE!!!!

“SPARKLING PERSONALITY” GET OUT

I LOVE THE ANIMATION

I SAY IT EVERY TIME BUT I CANT GET

OVER HOW GOOD IT IS

ok ok solid plan

“stealth approach” *plummets*

crosshair doing the stuff that would normally be tech’s job is PAINFUL

AHHJCKDOSKE THIS IS SO COOL

“wrecker, remember plan 55?” “……OH” PLEASE

why does rampart remind me of preminger 

idk why but like they give the same vibes

“you’re fine right where you are.” YES SIR 🤭🤭🤭

HDJSJWHDH THEYRE SO COOL

why is hunter driving hot

sorry

YES CROSSHAIR.

“hmm, not yet.” HES SO FINE

PHEE PULL UP RN

YESSSSSSSSS

WRECKER PLEASE

THAT SCARED ME JENNIFER.

“complicated how?” i’d bark for him

SORRY

WDYM NOBODY KNOWS THE COORDINATES

she’s gonna escape w the kids TRUST

THE WAY THE DOORS CLOSED SO AGGRESSIVELY 

I GOT CHILLS

#the bad batch #star wars #tbb #clone force 99 #tbb season 3 #the bad batch season 3 #star wars tbb #tbb spoilers #tbb season 3 spoilers

[danvillecheese]

why do u think act ur age is fucked

[cracks knuckles] alright. essay time. you asked for it.

I’ve done a similar response to this before here and mentioned something else about it here but I’ll go over it again since those posts are both from a while ago. also bear in mind I haven’t seen aya recently bc I don’t like it. okay let’s get into it

[also im gonna preface this saying maybe i sound very pessimistic but im ranting and its just gonna sound like im complaining because i am. i mean no real malice by the way. im simply a person with a blog.]

first off. they don’t use the show don’t tell as well as they could. in the what might have been montage, sure, they showed potential scenarios and how phineas felt (very briefly) when isa stopped visiting his backyard but it just feels so rushed. I get that they only had like 11 minutes to show it but idk there has to be another way to write it. or just not have it at all idk its just from a writing point of view the whole episode feels rushed and out of place from everything else continuity-wise. why not use little easter eggs planted in the show beforehand? operation crumbcake? pharmacists? meapless in seattle? god theres so many episodes with evidence that phineas liked her back even if he didnt know. just. continuity!!!!

second. why did their friends not try something sooner. it’s not like they didn’t know. like phineas seems to be okay with saying “i wish! i am so in the friend zone there” in front of his friends (that quote alone makes me lose my shit but that’s a whole other point) so clearly they knew about phineas. and isabella also wasn’t quiet about it (source: pnf s1-4). they had like four years of high school to do something and they planned it the day isa left for college? nah its just the least realistic thing ever for me. also them being 18 is like yeah okay maybe the slow burn was worth it and theyre way more grown up (i love a good slowburn) but ohhhhhh my god SURELY their friends were getting sick of them dancing around each other. just me?

third. and I’m sorry to ash simpson but oh my god I hate the character designs like They Would Not Fucking Look Like That. it almost feels like it completely disregards their arcs during the original summer. like yeah child chub disappears over ur teen years but sometimes it stays a little longer! make phineas less twiggy!! make isa look more like her mother! (am i about to redesign them again? whoops)

four. and i know this is no fault of dan and swampy but the show was about to end anyways and yet the entire friend group was paired off into hetero ships?? get fucking real. none of those kids are straight. realistically, i know it was a different time and gay marriage wasnt even legal in the us yet so it wasnt all that common to have queer romance on screen let alone on disney channel but like i said, the show was about to end. what were the disney channel execs gonna do? cancel it? lmao

five. "I am so in the friend zone there." "we are guys. we do not talk about our feelings." WHAT!!! i cant believe this shit is real. these lines of dialogue are canon. what the hell. what kind of message does that even send to younger, impressionable viewers? if ur a 10 year old boy watching that (ok fine maybe that isnt gonna stick with you forever but listen) and you go 'oh its okay to just bottle everything up and not tell my friends about my feelings about anything ever' that is insane! thats not how things should go!! like i get the whole "im so in the friend zone" and yes, this also has to do with the era but like if they wanted to be a more progressive cartoon that kids look up to and enjoy maybe they just. shouldn't have put that whole conversation in.

i barely have any problems with the b plot. in fact id watch the episode just for the kazoo solo. because that plot lines up with the continuity. i can totally see heinz having bowling night with perry and carl and monogram every week! i can totally see perry and monogram retired! and carl running owca and getting payed for it! that all checks out! that one makes sense and works with the canon! if they got that plot so right how did they get the a plot so wrong?

i can answer this question: fanservice. its an awful word, i know. act your age is a fanservicey episode which is why i think it crashed and burned. mml season 2 is rooted in the same issue: doof is very present and takes away from the original plot of the show. like, the one he wasnt even in until the last episode of s1. slightly getting off topic but it is the crux of the issue. fanservice doesnt make for good storytelling. even if it brings in the big bucks. at its core, telling the story the way it should be told is the best one. even if it pisses people off. a good portion of the viewers will still appreciate whatever ending the creators come up with. and no, im not saying phinbella shouldn't have become canon, in fact i really like the ship and all their dynamics, i just think they went about it the wrong way.

as someone who's written and published fic about them getting together in different universes (granted, they were from when i was younger so its mildly terrible. take them with a grain of salt) there are a lot of other ways to tell that story canonically. honestly, i think the best way of doing it was to keep it ambiguous. dont tell that story. let the viewers pick their own ending for phineas and isabella. maybe they dont get together after all. who knows!

thanks for the ask! hope you had fun getting lectured <3

#phineas and ferb #phinbella #act your age #ask #this was fun you guys should ask me more stuff like this #dwampyverse analysis

[6irlpet]

As a sub, your posts have helped me so muuch to be more comfortable and gently exposed to some hardcore kinks. Ive become much more open and less judgemental to them, even accepting im into some of them. A loooot of the harcore kink blogs on here are mysoginistic (as a kink), mainly for men or BY men, so this blog is rlly nice to have a space that doesnt gross me out. So far ive been inspired by you to explore my stockholm syndrome kink and also my ponyplay kink (even tho you dont have posts about it, you post a lot of petplay and that helped). Love u take care <3

ok serious non horny talk for a moment!!

first im sorry for sitting on this ask so long, i wanted to give it a good answer and then i uhhh forgot because i’m awful.

but this made me very very happy and glad and idk kink is something im really passionate about, i think there is so much harmful puritan socially regressive rhetoric out there even among proclaimed leftists saying porn and harder kinks is bad and like…. its not cool! its not feminist! ur not doing activism by shaming people for stuff u dont like! sexuality is normal and natural and there is nothing wrong with exploring these things safely, and i actually think doing so can be such a good healthy self exploratory experience of intimacy and bonding. especially kink and d/s, getting to explore sensation and psychological/emotional side instead of like, ‘sex is for procreation anything outside the accepted mainstream norm is deviant this mindset totally hasn’t caused harm historically’

it’s very hard sometimes to have these hardcore kinks, i spent years trying to deny i was into them, believing that things like cnc/cgl/porn in general were harmful, and its just not true. it’s always existed and it’s always going to exist and if we try to shame things and sweep them into the dark, ppl dont stop being into them, they just end up losing community and practicing unsafely. no one has to be into harder stuff, but the nastiness about it (sooo many times ppl will reblog a post of mine and i go to their blog to see like, ‘ddlg is abusive and ur a freak dni’ like Ok. dni with me first?) and saying that being into these things means ur into rape/csa irl is just untrue and so harmful (again, just forcing ppl to feel ashamed, practice unsafely, and lack community to come forward when theyve been harmed by a play partner) like if people can understand why violent video games doesnt make you a violent person, the only thing stopping them from understanding the same about harder kinks and porn is internalized reactionary christian bullshit lol. 

i spent years thinking these kink were gross and “problematic” and im so much happier accepting that actually…. u can just let people do things! u dont have to like things!! u can blacklist it u dont have to make an excuse why its inherently bad!!!!! i used to have such bad sub drop even solo masturbating bc of guilt/shame for my hardcore fantasies, i’ve had to learn how to give myself good aftercare and tell myself its normal and fine and ppl who matter dont care (and its true! i have a v supportive group of friends, some that i play with, who know what im into and dont care even tho theyre not into it!!!) so hearing that ive helped you feel more comfortable exploring these things has made me v happy :’)

and that being said, like u said, theres definitely an overwhelming amount of hardcore kink on here that cis men run that just, feels gross to me. they reek of Fake Dom™️, they don’t care about kink and consent, they just wanna use u to get off and neglect the emotional side of the connection. and for a looong while i put up with it thinking it’s just what these kinks were like. that i had to have a degree of discomfort forcing interactions with men and misogyny play. but it’s not! i ended up remaking from my old blog and making this one because there were so many of those types of men following me and sending me asks/msgs and it was getting so bad for my mental health.

and fine, whatever, but i wanted to have a space that was exploring these kinks for femmes, for trans people, like im writing for me and ppl like me, who like the things i do. and im much happier for it (and i still have to block like 50-100 blogs every time i log in here, and had to turn DMs off bc i was getting so many from the 40M Greg Ohio Sadistic Daddy blogs full of stolen content despite my pinned. demonstrating some real great understanding of consent there huh guys /s)

anyway. im very very happy to get this message and im glad that my lil horny ramblings can be appreciated in such a way. not only are we okay for liking extreme stuff but we’re also extremely fucking cool and sexy. have a good night 😘

#ask #sorry for longpost but ahhhhgghh my Thoughts about kink #and my fuckin past with having to remake blogs bc there was no recovering it #THIS blog is a party babyyyy we are beating gender’s ass and indulging gross kinks #a lot of my posts r purposely gender neutral for this reason! #Thoughts #that will be a tag for if i ever get serious again. hopefully i do not

[hirokiyuu]

sols roundup masterpost

i mentioned i was reworking the original post on my ao3 and so here it is! please note that a) there are a LOT of spoilers under the cut  (guy who has 80+ hours and multiple multiple endings) and b) there’s a lot of ways to take sol and these are just me having fun with them, if u dont like thats fine but dont tell me i don’t care. lol. also worth noting i think time loops are most fun when they subtly influence each other so there’s a lot of that in here LOL

worth noting i think theres a few traits that are pretty universal to them? wants to do right and full of love are the big two, tho curiosity, (seeming) warmth, and ability to fit in w/those around them are also pretty important tho i think more flexible. its just fun the way various sols can have those traits like.... manifest? an alien-hater sol who goes hunting all the time is just as valid as a sol dating dys that wants to end the war. just different ppl they love and different experiences. its fun

with that. onto the Meat

1) solana (she/her (demi?)girl, loyalty leaning lawyer, neutral end)

baby’s first run! outwardly warm but pretty cold inside. hypercompetent everywhere except in her love life. fell for tang when they were like nine on the ship and just sort of, never stopped, feeling that way, including when she was 100 years old and had outlived tang by nearly forty years, partially bc fixating on tang as people were dying was kind of. the only solace she had. wouldve really benefited from a good therapist.

2) solanaceae (he/him tguy, governor, peace ending)

childhood optimist with a hero complex turned "realist” but actually-exactly-the-same-just-depressed-about-it adult. saves tammy and tonin and hal! cannot save his parents :) grows a little distant from most of the people around him as a result, except dys, who Gets it. avoids tang for pretty much no reason he can understand, just has a sense of She Will Hurt You If You Get Too Close when he sees her sometimes. becomes governor solely bc he wants to save people. the kind of person you can trust in your house with your keys and your valuables and then someone asks ‘hey whats his favorite color’ and youre like. i dont. actually know

3) solane (they/them nb, gardener ending)

manic overconfident freak. definitely a ‘i wont tell people about my dreams bc it’s like i’m a HERO this way!’ type. saves everyone and extremely proud about it. coasting through life from ages 14-19 until they go find dys after the bomb has gone off and he’s dating. someone else? which makes them freak out bc THEYRE the hero. so instead of being normal about this they become a gardener in a desperate attempt not to be left behind

It’s Bad!

4) solanaceae (he/him cisguy, colonial hero, neutral ending) x / x

this is the one ive been referring to in private as “fascist manwhore sol” and honestly. yeah. just as overconfident as the last but extremely charming about it. the kind of guy you kinda wanna hit but also can’t help but like? somehow manages to be close w/most everyone in the colony despite their various opinions. really really hates the gardeners + even sym, for some reason w/in himself that he can’t explain. 

in Love with dys for most of their lives but cant ever make it work, fwb with rex, dates vace despite having matching tattoos with his ex-gf. hes just that kind of guy. dies young and a hero, less than a year after dys disappears into the ridges. dont think abt it too hard.

5) solane (she/her nb, neutral end, roboticist on accident somehow but a social skills job wouldve fit much better)

if third sol Thinks theyre god this sol like. actually Is. extremely clear dreams, used to talk abt them pretty much always until her first trip to medbay, at which point she stopped ever letting adults know. kind of existentially exhausted as a result. using this life literally just as a coffeeshop au lol. poly but also probably aromantic; open rship w/rex, who they love a lot but no more so than literally any of their other friends. pretty happy with stuff! 

until they go to see dys off when he “vanishes” from the colony and they accidentally let it drop they couldve like. ended the whole war. he’s. displeased. they still make an effort to enjoy the rest of their life but when they die theyre thinking abt how they should try to be a better person next time. and also hoping they remember less.

6) solanaceae (genderfluid but generally refers to self as a lesbian, peace end, botanist) x

cheerful heroine! desperately wants to be normal and tries so so hard to ignore her dreams, which works kind of, right up until they very purposefully ignores the one abt tammy and tammy dies immediately after :) at which point they completely switches gears and uses their dreams to try and save Everyone they can. bffs with nem since childhood & into her pretty much Always. everyone’s friend! dies content and at peace.

interestingly, bc this is the route where i got paradox ending on a save, probably the sol closest to the wormhole + everything about it, despite not actually remembering much from his dreams. it manifests in other ways. lol.

7) solane (she/her cisgirl, neutral end, roboticist)

coward who can only be brave when it’s for the sake of the people she loves, most notably tammy who she actually dislikes until she saves her life, at which point she realizes maybe she Can be a hero too. better with robots than people, spent most of her childhood following cal around bc he was one of hte only ppl to make time for her. falls madly in love w/tammy; their family is her biggest joy. a good parent.

8) solanaceae (he/him agender, neutral end, doctor)

feral intense child who becomes a terrifying eagle-eyed doctor. max perception by age eleven, somehow. STRONG sense of justice. strongest belief is “if you ignore someone you couldve saved, you’re garbage.” not quite high enough friendship w/nem to convince her to leave vace as teens; helps her later on when theyre adults. years and years later after dys “dies” they end up moving in and spend the rest of their lives together.

9) solanaceae (they/them nb, peace end, entertainer)

awkward ace kid who always speaks their mind. accidentally destroys tammy’s confidence every time they talk. gets confessed to by both marz and rex, shoots them down extremely awkwardly due to both aforementioned asexuality and the fact theyve had a crush on dys since they were thirteen. takes their promise to let him go seriously to the point that when he tries to bomb hte colony, they let him, and when he wants to be a gardener, they don’t stand in his way. is alright with this at first but slowly begins to feel lonelier and lonelier about it as time passes, and when they die and realize they won’t actually be with him again they feel. Very Bad. pass on wishing they’d not let him go but resenting him for asking to.

10) solane (she/her cisgirl, neutral end, xeno wrangler)

ive been calling this one “cuckoo bird sol” for a reason. desperately wants someone to be devoted to Her and Her Alone who Won’t Leave, and feels like. cal is good for that. doesn’t like tammy as a result, which means that when she has a nightmare abt tammy dying she doesn't even care, it’s not like its REAL. yeah. It’s Bad! she feels guilty abt it and then feels bad bc she’s also happy bc cal spends more time with her but also she does sure feel like shes competing against a dead girl huh! so! that’s fun!

eventually she does work her shit out and realize she does like cal himself and does want kids on her own terms but like. the process of getting there! one fucked up kid. dies more content than she realized she could be, glad for her family.

11) solanaceae (she/her nb leaning, peace end, parent) x

rowdy. her heart is 80% love and 20% pure unadulterated rage. unaugmented, which she personally doesnt care abt, but she sure does get pissed off at ppl trying to be soooo nice to her abt it! too busy w/sfc stuff during wet and as such completely misses her chance to talk dys out of the bomb. when she finds him on the ridges afterwards they yell at each other abt being in love w/each other for forever and she manages to drag him back home.

in some ways this would be my “golden run” (full friendship with everyone) (jesus christ) but despite that her actual bffs besides dys are tammy and (unfortunately) vace. in another world i would retcon this to ot3 but in this one she kissed sym and then he died in front of her and despite herself she kind of cant stop flinching away from him now if he tries to make a move. they do hinge poly instead it works. has a boatload of kids and never augments any of them. dies exhausted and delighted and in love w/the world. 

12) solane (he/him cisguy, peace ending, parent oops)

delusion run! sol who cant stop talking abt his delusions even when he knows he should. pursues dys in the “we were In Love before so we will be again!” way not the “i like you!” way until he gets. y’know. lobotomized. in some ways not focusing on his dreams is good for him but also he loses a lot of his personality? focus? afterwards

teases tammy relentlessly but ends up falling for her but bc for some reason this run glitched and tammy’s pregnancy just. kept going. she never had the kid? so i didnt date her even tho he wouldve lol. tbh most of th ending for this one is what id consider noncanon for him but ill retcon it later when i have more Vibes in place

13) solanaceae (they/he, peace ending, astronaut) this is a dead dove run (mentions of abuse)

unlucky number thirteen :) sol coming out of a delusion run with the creeping sense that they should not trust Anyone with their secrets. a little disconnected from the ppl around them tho they get on well enough w/dys and tang. madly in love with the wormhole. desperate to get off the planet and back into space so they can see it, a sentiment no one shares until, y’know. vace.

in Love (lol) with him after his 50. first time theyve ever met anyone they think Gets them so they enable him. fucking crushed when he starts dating nem. when he offers to cheat they take him up on it, which means he learns nothing and they lose one of their childhood friends :) eventually they go into space together just like they wanted! it’s bad! die in the wormhole and i think thats the first time they ever truly, from the bottom of their heart, regret everything. never want to fall in love again.

14) sol (no pronouns whenever possible but sort of ok w/they, peace ending, farmer) warning for abuse mentions in this one as well

sometimes you get so badly abused in one life your next life it still affects you! kind of an odd child, gets along better w/congruence than the other kids but thinks of cal is like a brother. doing ok until helios lands and then it’s like. h

avoids vace like the plague, despises/is afraid of him but doesn’t realize why until after sol starts understanding dreams more. when he dies i think sol wants to be like Good Riddance but. cant fully. approaches rex bc sol want to know What’s Up With The Whole Rex+Vace Deal, end up falling pretty hard. dating sym also, the three of them living together is an Experience i think. dies full of Love.

15) solana (he/him tguy, peace end, athlete)

rambunctious! cheerful! kind of dumb! falls in love w/cal from a young age and is convinced they’re gonna grow up and get married and is subsequently crushed when cal starts dating tammy instead esp bc. cal sort of. lead them on a bit w/it. slowly falls in love w/dys in the aftermath.

a bit immature. plays sportsball even in the middle of war, tension with both cal And nem as a result despite still being their bffs. he and nem are on opposite sportsball teams for the rest of their lives and yet go out for drinks after constantly. she’s his sister, basically! dies pretty happy w/how things turned out

16) solanaceae (she/they, neutral end, merchant)

greedy greedy greedy. wants money and love and attention, time and people and things, everyhting you can think of she wants it. she marz and tang are the Terrible WLW Trio of Girls Who Might Be Dating. bit of a soft spot for dys she can’t quite rationalize, will be kind to him when she’s not to anyone else. fond of rex as well.

she and marz flirt by flirting with tang, aka the person she Actually likes. pretty happy when they finally hook up, but isn’t devastated by the breakup as much as she is.... left hollow. another mistake on top of everyhting else (capitalism, dys vanishing, girl shes liked forever dumping her, also theres maybe a fleet from earth coming but haha dw abt it) she tells rex abt the fleet maybe a year? before it shows up. dies wishing desperately she had been able to be kinder.

17) solana (he/him tguy, peace end, professor) x

sugary sweet! childhood friends with tammy, they’re v similar people. loves her a lot, cannot wait to be best man at her wedding to cal LOL. despite his gentle demeanor he is also absolutely the kind of guy to do Whatever It Takes for the ppl he loves (ie poisons uncle tonin to keep him alive LOL)

thinks nomi is like, the coolest person in the universe when they meet bc they can MAKE things. so so stupid about them. when they start dating its embarrassing for everyone but they are so happy together no one can actually say anything. dies happy but wishing he was more confident in himself/brave

aaaaaaaaanyways that’s the current list. for Now. there may be more coming. i have offshoots of some of these as well that may or may not pop up wwww generally for fic that isn’t set with a specific sol i tend towards an nb sol closest to personality+dreams to my sixth sol? cheerful and trying to help but also Just A Kid about it!

#i kind of want to make a sol who would do green vertumna forever tbh #7th sol has that as an offshoot but in the end she loves cal too much to let it happen #i do like paradox run being an offshoot of one and not quite its own thing tho. fits well #also i need to properly romance sym at some point For Rho but i see dys and im like #what if he kissed sol. what if. wh #what do you want me to do we renamed the gc 4dys bc we all love him so much #personal #i was a teenage exocolonist spoilers #this will be edited later

[seakicker]

me when literally everyone else: mmf yes so hot so sexy,,,, stretch marks? scars? moles? love it love it love it FUCK so sexy! I love love love tummy and boobs and big boobs and small boobs and boobs that are perky but also boobs that abide by gravity and boobs that spread out and I love love love chub and thick thighs and cellulite fuck it’s all so sexy I love I love I love I love feminine men I love big masculine men I love it all

me when myself: god I’m so ugly why

It could be because I’m trans especially because there’s good days and bad days but damn I hate parts of myself I KNOW I would drool over on other people. I draw people with my exact body type and lust and lust and lust and then I try to indulge myself and draw self-ship art but. I feel like I’m ugly or that the character I’m with wouldn’t like me EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THEY WOULD? Maybe it’s a confidence issue maybe it’s my dysphoria but that other anon talking about their experience with their commission and asshole artist reminded me of this damn dilemma. I love y/n fanfic so much cause it’s easier to forget myself and what I look like in the first person but damn. I hate myself in art and photos so much and I don’t even know why. Sorry if u didn’t really want to hear this in ur inbox lmao but ig this is the best place to vent into ahah

—⌚️

hello my sweet, thank you for coming to me and pls dont feel like you should apologize for venting here, it's part of what i'm here for and i like being able to listen. ik lots and lots of people, formerly myself (and still me on some days) included get that "i love my features on everyone else but hate them on myself" because i think that's just the nature of insecurity-- you feel like other people are "doing it right" or that things just look better on other people than they do on you. it's much easier to hold yourself to an impossible standard like beauty standards than it is to hold other people to the same standards, if that makes sense... any good person will know to not judge others but that doesn't stop you from judging yourself, you're your own worst critic. one thing that always kinda comforted me is knowing that i've never actually seen myself-- you only see yourself through mirrors and pictures but that's not really you, your camera doesn't capture real life dimensions and everything is flipped in the mirror, that sort of thing. you never see yourself, at least not in the way you look at other people, but i'm sure if you could see yourself through someone else's eyes (as the ol saying goes) you'd be surprised how fine/attractive/wonderful you look to everyone else. i can't comment on the dysphoria aspect so i can't offer any advice as far as that goes, but i think knowing that i'm not alone in my insecurity has always helped me so i try to remind other people that they're not alone in their insecurity too. the things that i don't like about myself are only because i'm my own worst critic and bc i hyperfocus on my flaws rather than the things i like about myself, and i think that's how it goes for a lot of people. but the things you like about yourself are more important than anything else!

another thing that's helped me is following models/influencers/etc that have my body type and similar features as me, ie thick eyebrows and a lil toothgap, and unfollowing models/influencers that i struggle with comparing myself to. your internet experience is yours to curate and there's nothing wrong with unfollowing models that you can't help but compare yourself to; it doesnt mean theyre a bad person or bodyshaming or anything, just that they may not be healthy for your experience and that's alright! so maybe that could help you too. i wish u the best of luck and i thank you for sharing your feelings with me; i think you're wonderful no matter what and i'm happy to be a place where you feel comfortable sharing your feelings and fantasies!

#i luve u #chats #⌚️ anon #tw insecurity

[tartppola]

Fine day, if I may leave a message (that I wish shall lift the sides of your lips for today), I would like to say,

YOUR SILVER AND YUULIS COMICS ARE SO!!!! DCRUMPTIOUS I AM SO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN IT ESPECIALLY THEM AS KIDS ITS SO ❤️😭 that i wanna go cROOWWOmpCHustomMMRP (I tries making it slubd like the sound im making rn and im not sure if its fallin thru) BUT YEAH I LOVE IT

Especially like,,, lilia and your yuu??? I wanna see more from them honestly the dynamic is so funny like its just the rhing youll take out to get a good laugh on before going on to the rest of your day + your yuu is just so interesting in general that i wanna know more of them and their syory in general and plus,, your art????

Your art is so cute, irs simple, sure but i can see it, the absolute hardwork in it and how it feels so special that when i see it, i know its yours and not anyone else??? Bc its kind of ingrained in a way plus it looks so,, warm? And nice i cant explain it eloquently enough rn mb mb 😭 but i hope the sincerity and genuinity comes through plus how dare you make me so invested in ace + deuce+ yuu so much more like?????? I can't believe youve done this to me and now w how much im invested bc each time i see your artwork of those three (+ grim) its now lowkey ngl my oasis in a scorching desert because i barely see content for them and stuff so now when i see your work i just go !!!!OHHHH!!! Whooooahh!!! Or just :) its them! (Cue me kicking my feet later about it when i think about it)

Oh and if i remember righr??? YOUR KALIM COMIC!! i think its the first one i saw from you the hiwagang ganda(?) Or somrthing where kalim just goes ... wow... while seeing yuu in a crowd and stuff its so cute and everything began falling for me there bc then you began hunting my recommendations feed and im so glad you did thank you, blessed, tskr, and I hope you have a nice day and everytime you finish a drawing you will always smile and feel content

And also i think i recall a post from you making a copypasta(?) Of lyrics and that was so weirdly funny in a way that for the next weeks of it, whenever i think of it i just smile like,,,?? AHHAHA but anyways sleep well and tqke care od youtself and everything and sorry if i gave you a syroke w this 😭 (like the misspells and stuff)

AHSGSHHFKF omg!! sorry this took so ling to respond i get like super overwhelmed when i see big blocks of text but aaaaa tysm!!!!

i’m so honored that you feel that way about my art hhhabdkf ngl i haven’t been able to do more than doodles as of late cus of college + zines but im so glad you still like my silly littol doodles uhuhuhu

i’m also glad that you’ve taken a liking to my guy yuulis uhuhehdhf theyre just my silly little guy! NOT GONNA LIE.....they don’t have that much lore HAHDHAHHDD ( only like super close oomfs know their lore 👁👁 ) but I do have a separate canon divergent version of ch.7 where I hamfist Yuulis lore into it HAGDHAHAHA but I want to see how ch.7 goes first before finalizing it.

and also aaa i’m so glad you like the Young Silver + Lilia comics! they’ve been such a comfort to draw and think about lately hhgrhg

AND IM ESPECIALLY GLAD IVE INFECTED U WITH THE ADEUYUU BRAINWORMS EHHEHEAAAARGHH Ace and Deuce compared to other characters are already so,, so hard to find individually,,,ITS ALSO EVEN HARDR TO FIND STUFF OF THEM AS A COLLECTIVE UUUHUHUHU,,, i’ll definitely draw them more!

#I answer stuff #this was in my draft for almost a month rip HDBDJF IM SO SORRY ANON

[lawboyao3]

I’m loving your series “Acne, Death, and Other Teen Calamities” so much so that I came here to tell you how much I’m enjoying it so far. Your writing is so eloquent and descriptive, and I really appreciate how in-depth you go when analyzing and writing about Josuke and Okuyasu’s individual behaviors and struggles. I relate a lot to the way you’ve written them and I think it’s fascinating how accurately you’ve been able to portray aspects of trauma, dissociation, and self-destruction (unfortunately I myself a victim to all of the above, but it’s neither here nor there.) Anyways, you provide fantastic representation to these issues and I’m so happy to finally have a piece of media that I can relate to so well; a piece of media that truly encompasses how complex the process of coming to terms with trauma is. I’ve been where Josuke and Okuyasu have been and all I wanna do is give both of them a big ol’ hug.

Please take your time when writing this story and don’t burn yourself out. You’re doing wonderful, thank you for investing so much of your time into this. I’m excited for the next chapter but again, take as much time as you need.

(Also this might be an issue of my reading comprehension, and not at all an issue with your writing but if it’s not too much to ask I think myself and others would appreciate a chapter summary and a brief description of what happened throughout each chapter just to be sure we’re following this wonderful story accurately :) )

aw thank u so much this is so kind <333333 i’m really glad you’ve been enjoying it so much. i worry abt writing the characters well so im really glad u think theyre good. thank u so much for reading and supporting me, ill do my best with the rest of the story

with the chapter summary, u mean posting one on here right? i can try do that. ill put it below the cut in case it’s long

ch1- okuyasu and josuke are both sent to the counselor. for okuyasu it’s bc he attacked his teacher after she picked on him for doing badly in class. for josuke it’s just some very petty things, seeming like his teacher has a grudge against him. in okuyasu’s meeting, youko thinks he’s just a typical delinquent but then realises she’s misjudging him. in josuke’s meeting, some issues such as his grandpa’s death and his family relations are touched on, but youko ends up thinking he’s totally fine. there’s also a flashback showing that josuke has feelings for okuyasu that he doesn’t want to acknowledge.

ch2- the school is evacuated due to an explosion. okuyasu and josuke are found to be missing. this is the day shigechi is killed. they searched for him and then left the school to report to jotaro. when they return, a teacher accuses them of being behind the explosion. youko steps in and stops the boys from getting in trouble. shigechi is reported missing and the boys are having trouble coping with it. youko has another meeting with okuyasu, where she offers to help him improve his grades. she asks about his home life and becomes worried about what he tells her. okuyasu is given tests to do at home to check his knowledge levels.

ch3- josuke meets with youko. he was reported for not paying attention in class. a flashback shows that he’s struggling due to trauma, and he started dissociating in class. he doesn’t tell youko anything. youko asks a little about his family, and then realises she’s heard of him before in negative gossip that spread about him and his mother. she wonders if she would still think of him the same if she’d recognised him from the start. youko’s questions get under josuke’s skin and his act slips, but she doesnt question him on it bc she doesnt think he’s a liar. in the next scene okuyasu goes home and tries to complete his tests, and becomes very anxious. youko marks his tests the next day, and another teacher discourages her from helping okuyasu because he needs too much support. youko goes over okuyasu’s test results with him, and nearly leaves him to just study on his own, but decides to try and help him even if the other teachers won’t help too.

ch4- starts directly after the end of the sheer heart attack arc. as everyone heads home from aya’s salon, josuke struggles to cope with what he’s just experienced and starts dissociating. when he gets home he has a breakdown, there is some discussion of his guilt and sense of responsibility to protect everyone. okuyasu goes home and is feeling badly too, but pushes it aside to look after his father. even tho he’s kind to his dad, he’s still scared of him. josuke visits okuyasu in the middle of the night, seeking comfort, and they fall asleep together. okuyasu has a nightmare/childhood memory about his dad, and wakes up to josuke comforting him. he misreads the atmosphere and kisses josuke, and josuke panics, says they should forget it ever happened, and leaves. the next morning, tomoko helps josuke do his hair and tries to ask if he’s ok, but he doesn’t confide in her. then him, koichi and okuyasu head to school together, and when they pass aya’s salon, they’re all deeply upset. josuke tries to push down his feelings.

ch5- youko finds okuyasu, who is skipping class and seems upset. she talks with him, and tries to ask him about his family, but okuyasu is worried about her reporting his living situation and refuses to talk to her. youko realises that something must be very wrong, but she can’t help. the next scene is actually set before the first one. another teacher talks to youko, concerned about how much she’s defending josuke. he tells her about how violent josuke was in middle school, and how he avoided getting in trouble by lying. youko gets angry at him and rejects what he’s saying. meanwhile josuke is skipping class due to bad mental health. koichi and okuyasu have been searching for him, worried something bad has happened, and koichi finds him. josuke acts fine as usual. after school, he goes to meet with youko. she feels that he’s acting off and starts to doubt him. when she confronts him, he gets angry but manages to keep it down until he leaves the meeting. he starts losing his shit in front of okuyasu, but okuyasu calms him down. later, youko tries to contact okuyasu’s household to find info about his living situation, but she can’t find anything. as she’s heading home, she worries that she won’t be able to help the boys anymore. then she gets shot with the stand arrow and passes out

#i didn’t really include like all the character info in those summaries bc it would be too long #hopefully its enough of a refresher but if u forget whats happening by the time the next chapters up maybe a quick skimread would help? #there was also stuff where like. i didnt really want to describe why the characters did xyz or ehat they were thinking n feeling etc #bc i like it to be up to the audiences interpretation

[literaphobe]

I was reading a huge Buildmart post on the MCC reddit and was mostly glad to see people acknowledge the problems the game has.

However like there was this one person who argued everything about MCC can be consideren non neurodivergent friendly like SOT and the only reason that game gets a pass because Dream likes it. That the only problem woth BM is the audience and player mindset because theyre neurodivergent and they're fine and that audiences should just turn down the volume or stop watching. Players meanwhile should just learn how to communicate better or message each other or write things down.

It just irked me. Sure you can argue that Dream sways the audience but the players are actively skipping it. Once is an accident, twice is a coincedence and three times is a pattern, there is something about buildmart that makes players dislike it more. Also major pet peeve are audiences acting like they know better than the players. Like as a bystander you can point out the obvious solutions, but theres clearly somethimg thats stopping the players that we can't feel or see as a watchers from inacting said solutions.

Sorry for the rant.

honestly? honestly? when we really get down to it. build mart’s problem, and the reason why it keeps getting skipped, isn’t because all the players are neurodivergent and they start breaking down the second they enter the arena and can’t see past their tears. it’s because there is no way to make a comeback once ur behind. and u always know who’s gonna be ahead. there’s no upset. there’s a snowball effect, and teams get steamrolled because the scoring system sucks. AND SO you know who’s gonna win. plus there’s barely any learning curve. so two groups of people are stunted from the get go. inexperienced players who don’t really know how the game works, and players who CAN’T ‘IMPROVE’ because they have inherent stumbling blocks. having adhd. being colorblind. or whatever else. memorizing what blocks you just saw and knowing where to get them under some confusing system that players aren’t given full knowledge of before the game itself… isn’t a minecraft mechanic. people can argue for days that oh some people have bad reaction time and can’t hit back as fast in pvp! or some people’s fingers can’t hit keys in the precise enough order for parkour! like yes that’s true. but those are inherent parts of minecraft. even memorizing crafting recipes, which you can look up in the game and online at any time, is an inherent part of minecraft. but the entire process of looking at a bunch of blocks, running AWAY from said blocks and having to find all the blocks, somehow Remember what the damn blocks are, and where they’ve been magically categorized under this weird system? i PROMISE no single player (who doesn’t have Behind The Scenes access to mcc) or fan can off the top of their head remember exactly how many sections there are, what the names of those sections are, and exactly what blocks or items are in each section

so yeah 1) scoring system 2) players that are better are always gonna be better at this point, and everyone knows that, so most of the teams don’t wanna go for it, bc they can’t create a shocking victory unlike the other games, they can’t train or practice a certain mechanic unlike the other games 3) parts of the game are either too overwhelming for certain players to keep up with, or too fucking boring for some other players, with little gratification even when they win, so why bother tbh !

#ask

[dominicsorel]

Wanna redo my old Bleach autism post as it’s pretty much gone anyways due to my remaking and I’m older but I’d like to do it with multiple characters this time. HOWEVER, I’m already so far into my reread I’ll go fucking insane if I do it right away as I’d have to GO BACK and reread again. Anyways, the focus was gonna be Ichigo, Orihime, Chad, Kisuke, Byakuya, Mashiro, Kensei, and Riruka. I tried to branch it out a bit so there’s main characters and then random ones but a few more is fine. I have more headcanons than this I just don’t wanna overdo it by including TOO many characters. This could be a fun project if I do it with someone else that feels the same way! Maybe get a person per character? Ichigo will be...a LOT, I’m sure. I don’t wanna forget that I wanna do this so I’m typing this out. I am VERY focused on Digimon right now and my one track mind shows but I do actually intend to do this. It won’t be an edit or anything like that. A long post more like? I can talk a lot but I’m not writer, y’know? But feedback and advice will be something I’ll take from my fellow autistic Bleach fans, naturally! Please look forward to it! And if anyone wants to join in on this, hmu!

Under the read more are some messy notes I made to get an idea...

hyper empathy (blood left over from hollow attack in the special ch n orihime healing menoly, crying for ichigo and riruka and the shinigami hurt by mayuri)

ichigo calls teachers instructors/doesnt use special titles/ says ojisan and toshiro and byakuya

ichigo that time he wondered if the water would heal a cut in his mouth (hypersensitive) also him crunching on ice was stimmy imo

ichigo prefers wearing tight clothes / orihime likes comfy clothes / kazui loves his hoodie!!!

fusiform face area: - ichigo w/ urahara / tatsuki talks abt this too / yumichika / a lot of other ppl including arrancars / idt he ever even met szayel but new oneshot he says wtf is this lmao

cognitive rigidity - ichigo doesnt like fighting unfair n believes firmly in an eye for an eye, byakuya also has this big time

taking things literally oof

kenpachi w a special interest in fighting...perhaps we add him

impulsivity - orihime jumping out windows, ichigo jumping over a fence or wtr bc he thought grandfisher was a person in trouble, kazui hopping out windows (im sorry for the window fixation its just so funny 2 me)

one track mind - ichigo planning to wait all night for ganju to return so they can fight forgetting that hes there to help rukia not double die

overstimulation

not getting social cues right / bad in social situations...self explanatory

routines, lack of eye contact, self isolates

ichigo avoids eye contact w orihime sometimes n its kinda cute hes shy...i noticed he does it a bit more during tybw w hime n i guess its cause hes aware of his feelings or smth at this pt??? not to make things abt romance but i did lfsdjakdjlkdsds he avoids eye contact w other ppl too i promise i just wanted to talk abt this bc its adorable

uneven cognitive profiles - oh big time but with what mister “black swallowtail butterfly” that thinks cutting a hollow into slices like pancakes...adopting u

uh. food stuff. TEXTURE

orihime not realizing her leg hurts much worse than her arm, chad in gen, ichigo going ‘im fine’ with blood pouring down his head

selective mutism and the variations. we know chad doesnt talk much. at all

orihime stress infodumps to ichigo (v cute) n so does mashiro n proceeds to overstimulate kensei in return lol

lots of stimming o: lots of...attention to ppl doing these things kubo...hm!

a lot of interactions simply feel like theyre between two autistic ppl who just. get each other n i like that (ichigo reassuring orihime its not a bad thing to be teh way she is - i think chad reassured ichigo that arc too! as an autie i tear up a lil)

wandering makes me think of hime wandering away from tatsuki after seeing the fireflies or dragonflies(?) / ichigo wandering away from home upon reaching there in tybw myb and him wandering alone by himself without direction at other times also...autism grief is real

scripting (KISUKE the night before becoming captain, v hime of him...what was up w/ that i’m rlly starting to believe he’s the yuzu to kukaku’s karin)

comfort items - hairpins and sub shinigami badge

not knowing their own strength pm? like ichigo using too much power during the invasion of ss n orihime having to tell him that w him responding w sorry D-:

hot heads r us

ichigo has shut downs where only ppl who know him well enough notice imo ive always looked at shutting down as not just smth that happens in one place but smth that u can carry w you all day bc thats just how it was for me going to school as a kid myb its called smth else but id block it all out so i could get thru the day after shutting down n ichigo on the day before his moms death anni felt familiar to me n i rlly like that hime notices hes tense ofc u can write this off as “just depression” but...autistic ppl can be depressed sigh -_-

baby shutdown

orihime def has meltdowns n shut down moments like so reasonably i get if ppl think “anyone would react that way” but its her whos reacting and she is autistic so...yeah haha

miss zone out ok thats all my notes for now later

#didi speaks #text #bleach #autistic headcanons #autistic bleach

[coyotevallie]

what if for the character thing i said elijah volkov for the funnies (PLEASE DON'T BLOW ME UP PLEASE DON'T BLOW ME UP PL)

i wont blow u up with my mind ..... TODAY ....... but i will do this bc i actually do have lots of thoughts on him hehe >:) many of those are just filled with hate

fav thing about him: oh hes an AMAZING villain hes so well written . he really gets under my skin like people talk about how his pet names are hot but i just could never relate to that because his pet names are so saccharine sweet it makes me shiver its like . his obsessive yet adoring affection is written in such a perfect way that makes you simultaneously get lovebombed by his kindness alongside sydney while Also feeling so creeped out and uncomfortable and i think thats Brilliant writing

least favorite thing about him: that hes a stupid idiot motherfucker dumbass stupid idiot who i hate and whos stupid and awufl and gross and disgusting and i literally hate him so much that listening to the clock of meantime when he started talking i got so angry i started violently shaking and had to stop listening to the episode . i want to kill him . serious answer is obviously that hes a predator but thats obvious so more specifically the fact that he kissed sydneys stuffed animal creeps me otu SO bad every time thinking about it makes me gen sick . idk why it just freaks me out so bad

favorite line: "Don’t you think you deserve better than what he gives you? Don’t you deserve his utmost appreciation? Devotion? Love?...He should worship you!...Worship is everywhere, dear. It’s the deepest, truest form of love. It’s the kind of love that gives a lover purpose. Life worships you!" i just think its such a brilliantly written subtle example of manipulation and lovebombing and drawing sydney away from jedidiah . like it starts with the Genuine point that sydney deserves better and deserves more love than hes getting from jeddie and then transitions to warming sydney up to the idea of being Worshipped and then after doing so transitions to the idea of worshipping being the Only true real good love (with the implication being that elijah is the one who can Provide that love and jedidiah cannot) . it just really stood out to me when i listened to that ep i thought it was so well done and such a subtle form of manipulation

fav friendship: i hope he never has any friends ever for the rest of his days

fav relationship: if we're saying "what i think the best possible option is" elijadam is inoffensive to me . i hate elijah too much and i dont really think he deserves a relationship at all but like idk i understand the appeal i get why people like it i wont side eye u for liking elijadam the way i would for like . any other elijah ship lmao . if we're talking "ships i actually Like instead of just thinking theyre fine" then elijah x getting his head chopped off

least fav relationship: i hope everyone who ships him w sydney dies and goes to hell no matter what /ref

random headcanon: i headcanon that hes a loser idiot- omg wait thats canon

unpopular opinion: trying to think of a niche unpopular opiniont hats not just "i think ur kinda weird if u constantly post about how sexy he is" . hmmmm. i feel the same way about willy stampler actually but it applies to elijah also i think a lot of people just refer to him as "manipulative" instead of "predatory" to soften what he did a bit and i find it odd

song i associate w him: aphrodite your electric sexiness

[cishetamine]

the worst person in the world (2021) letterboxd review (already crossposted this to twt but reposting here for………'research'[you'll see)]

funny how i originally thought this movie was adapted from a novel even BEFORE a major character contracted a terminal illness (aka like one of the most common things that can happen to a character in a Realistic Fiction Novel, right after infidelity). it just has that MFA vibe!

this movie feels like a deceptive advertisement for living in norway. isn't it mostly cold there ? (update: i have looked up the average winter monthly temperatures in oslo & theyre actually pretty much the same as where i live. whooops!!)

the music in this is good when it’s good & rly annoying when it’s not

hilarious and insane that norway’s indie comics scene is (or is at least depicted as being) exactly the same as in the US—i.e., dominated by edgy cishet dudes all too willing to use mere shock factor as an excuse for originality

like…he has characters whose names are translated as “Dick Wolf Dick” & “Pedo the Parrot” which, come ON but also that literally is what these guys are like……like. So true besty

& yet ! i also can't help but sympathize w/ the comic boyfriend re: the Great Endless Cancel Culture Debate bc ppl have also told me stuff like, “i hate all the people in your comics”

which like! Fair, i don't intend for my characters to be Nice People (well ok some of them are well-intentioned but also kinda hopeless/lost causes)

but also the bf (well, ex-bf—in more ways than 1!!) is exactly right—comics are where i put all the horrible thoughts in my brain that i can’t exorcize by any other means!

love that she shares my hobby of “lying to strangers at parties”……she’s so cool

this movie has a lot of fun little moments that feel pointily realistic: (e.g.: getting interrupted repeatedly while fooling around w/ someone at a party bc you’ve decided to canoodle one another in the Designated Bed Where Everyone Puts Their {Admittedly Extremely Soft + Sensual} Coats, and now everyone is coming to get their jackets & keeps walking in on u while you're trying to snog)

^ another such moment: when her dad says that the link to the libfem girlpower-vibes sex article she wrote doesn’t work, & it’s up to us to decide if there’s actually an issue with his phone or he was just being squeamish abt sex

i wouldn’t call these "wow just like irl lmao" moments exactly the same as the ones in a coen bros movie, but they’re similar imo ? like, those are always my favorite things abt their films (the violence is fine but usually kind of boring to me at this point. like, okay, he has a gun, great. can we bring back the wood chipper? no, too expensive? well how about the cattle stunner thingy, do you still have that thingamajig laying around?)

nah i'm talking like, the way they make the pauses in an ordinary conversation as awkwardly real as possible. ofc when they do it it's often bc there's some sort of double entendre[not necessarily sexual] going on, like w/ the confusion re: the kidnapping in fargo or the student trying to cheat in a serious man. but lebowski has a lot of fun realistic conversationy stuff that's just plain weird, which i guess i'm comparing this more to?

wait. Holy shit. is it at all true that “most women don’t like giving blowjobs”!?!?!?!? Like What the FUCK. is this a straight vs gay thing??? i don’t get it……what could turn u on more than being good at making yr partner cum??? (ok well i can think of several things actually but literally why are u having sex w/ someone unless it’s mutually enjoyable i——???? honestly this was maybe the least believable part of the movie 4 me :// can straight women PLEASE weigh in on thisPLEAAAASEEEEE!!!!!!)

re: “they’ve housebroken bobcat” I HAVE TO KNOW whether the bit abt removing the cartoon cat’s butthole was in response to CATS (2019).

this movie feels like propaganda from the norwegian board of tourism. case in point: basically all of the action happens in summer. also, that scene where she runs outside and the world is frozen in time feels kinda like an ad. sorry if my brain has been broken by america superb owl commercial culture :(

it’s fascinating to see a film that’s so contemporary & relatable but also not quite my own life??? kinda like the gaggle of cishet-presenting girls i saw on the train recently—bc i was aware of most of the celebrity gossip & news stuff they were talking abt, but i still came away feeling like i inhabit a very different—albeit parallel—world from them. for more context, here is my best try at a transcript of their convo: www.tumblr.com/cishetamine/701574180800479232/lily-rose-depp-they-were-calling-her-a-nepo

(p.s. please don't get mad at me for snooping on strangers, i'm just one of many credulous clods who once heard that u can get better at writing by transcribing how ppl really talk. & from there i got obsessed w/ doing this whenever someone is having an interesting convo near me. also most importantly, i didn't write down any personally identifying info & also these ppl are totally anonymous anyway. so plz enjoy @ yr leisure!)

love how this dude reminisces abt being a Record Store / Video Store / Comic Store guy !!! i.e., he’s an alt bro!!! love that for him. it's so cute that norway has hipsters too<3 squee!

also luv how "i just took a dna test turns out / i'm 3.1% sami" is the norwegian equivalent of “my great grandmother was a cherokee princess” cosplaying indigeneity

^ overall tho, the extinction rebellion-core gf feels kinda way too flat & one-note……but also i literally know ppl who are like that!! like i've had friends who were into radical veganism + environmentalism & it did seem kind of culty……which is not to say that ppl shouldn't be vegan or environmentalist, of course! but i have absolutely seen it turn into Unhealthy Polycule Drama & we've just seen where that leads, cough FTX / EAs, cough

no but it’s fascinating how this depiction of norwegian ~radical~ environmentalism compares to the scene in the US. for instance i feel like i’ve never heard an american state that they chose not to fly across the ocean bc it would increase their carbon footpri——wait no actually yes i have heard this, but specifically in the context of academic conferences, never like, regarding travel for fun. Interesting difference here!

(^ also, those were basically only professors on twitter who were saying that, not ppl i know in real life. so another level of remove from me)

[meanwhile i would chop off one of my less-important fingers in exchange for being able to fly across the ocean, environment be damned] [anyway tbh i figure it wouldn’t be thaaaaaat evil so long as i was able to stay in that other country for at least several months, as opposed to business travelers who frequently fly back & forth. but i would want to stay bc i would be desperate to learn the language!

which language, you ask? why, my answer is—Yes!]

anyway enough feeling sorry for myself for not being rich. time to feel sorry for imaginary movie ppl instead!

“i don’t want to be the sensible choice while she’s the sexy one” damn that makes a lot of sense! i definitely feel that re: pressure to be Exciting & Spontaneous & Ever-Flexible so that ppl will find u attractive / alluring instead of setting boundaries (given the choice between setting a boundary vs having sex with someone hot, i will almost always choose the latte——ah, but you see, posting this in a public forum where people i've had sex with can read it is itself an act of performati——

So about the main character. We don’t get much interiority of her, like aside from the stuff at the beginning abt her various major + career changes, we don't get to hear directly the thoughts she is thinking—not just bc we don't hear much in the way of interior monologue, but also bc she doesn't explain herself to the ppl around her.

like, she didn't tell her then-bf that there was in fact another guy—which like, honestly, if i were in her situation, i might also take the coward's route! especially if she feared jealous retribution from her current bf. but we don't know if she fears that, bc we never see her talk to her FRIENDS, bc for all we know, she doesn't have any!!!!

which feels very……hard for me to believe? bc i have never met a woman who did not have Friends. (& supposedly guys tend to have fewer pals, but even they usually seem to at least have like, Gamer Buds, idk! i know i always did back when i was a Gamer in high school, even if i was kinda withdrawn irl.)

so i'm left wondering—are we supposed to see her as genuinely friendless? & if so, what does that say abt her?

or are we just supposed to assume that the movie doesn't want to show her friends? if that's the case, why would it make that decision??

if we as viewers are supposed to actually believe that she doesn't have friends that she can confide in whom she is not romantically involved with……it rly paints a very specific (& melancholy!) picture of her as a person. bc that's a stereotype i mostly associate w/ Isolated Guys, but yet she is not that! (i would like to be her friend & talk abt photography..)

still not sure how i feel abt the freeze-time gimmick. Like on the 1 hand—it’s giving crazy ex girlfriend tv show. But also………idk it looks kinda cool regardless!

between this & tár, i feel sooo…………something abt watching 2 movies in a short timespan that contain Bitingly Contemporary Cancellation Scenes, & also cell phones………i………hmm.

thinking abt gretchen from twitter, a noble woman fighting for a just cause (telling adult YA fans to get a life), yet whose ratioing ultimately feels sorta pyrrhic to me, such that i have to wonder if it's worth the stress it presumably causes her.

but also, i am much more of a wimp than many people! for instance, a lot of ppl are strong tough athletes who put themselves thru a lot of pain because they find it enjoyable overall! whereas personally i only do exercise when i can convince myself that it's fun (e.g., biking places, swimming in water that isn't freezing cold)

so what i'm saying is perhaps gretchen sees being a Culture Warrior as a noble pursuit &/or lives for the thrill of the takedown, whereas i'm probably conflict-averse to a fault. (also, on a materialist level, she gets plenty of publicity for fighting the good fight—& as an author, building an audience is pretty crucial to keeping the lights on!)

anyway, right—the reason i'm thinking abt her at all in the context of this film is bc of the Cancel Culture Scene. bc i'm sympathetic to both the comics artist himself as well as his critics—bc like gretchen & her supporters always say, i believe artists have the right to be messy & sexual & graphic & painful & problematic & difficult to untangle……both bc i prefer to consume art (like this movie!) that fits that description, & bc that's ultimately the kind of work i would like to create.

but what's weird abt the tv interview in the gym in this movie is that we don't really even get to see exactly what the feminists debating the comics boyfriend are actually mad at him about. it's all vague—probably bc the point isn't the debate itself so much as its effect on his ex-gf! (& we know this bc the camera spends hella time tracking her facial reactions throughout this scene, as opposed to focusing primarily on the ex-boyfriend being interviewed.)

(btw for the record, i've read some of gretchen's writing but not a huge amount, & i think she's quite talented at describing compelling visual scenes, but i do worry that some of her political commentary is just so on-the-nose that it isn't as funny as it wants to be?

like, sure, i hate raytheon tenderqueers as much as any Good Leftoid! obviously imperialist militaries are evil & should be systematically dismantled, & it's sickening seeing the cynical liberal war machine attempt to suck us gays into its awful whirling gears.

but—as we saw with countless lib comedians attempting to parody trump—just bc you're making fun of something genuinely bad, doesn't mean your jokes are automagically hilarious!)

oh right, i was building toward something—namely: it feels like there's 3 sides in the big Cancel Culture Debate these days:

(mostly but not solely) christian right-wingers who hate the gays

young people who ummm [takes a full minute to check something on my phone] believe barnes & noble should sort books by tone indicator & who think fujoshis will trigger the third impact

cool edgy trans ppl caught in the middle of these 2 groups, martyred like that one saint mishima used to jack off to & permitted to do any crime so long as it is judged as being sufficiently badass by the Council of Trans Elders

anyway i was just gonna say: you know how sun tzu art of war has that thing abt how u should make your enemies fight each other instead of u fighting on 2 sides at once?

yeah, i think we should come up with a new discourse designed to do exactly that. or maybe get the evangelicals & catholics to fight again over whether asexual priests are valid or if they have to be volcel to really count. hopefully they'll wear themselves out, & our[if i may be so bold as to number myself among the Edgy Trans] troops of keyboard warriors will be able to reenter the fray refreshed to fight another day!

#letterboxd #movie thots #the worst person in the world #informal poll #reposting this here bc i want as large of a sample size as possible for the BJ question

[soggypotatoes]

i am feeling a bit better today

but the dietitian was like. i dont want to scare u but u are extremely malnourished at this point. i was wondering lol bc ive been having blood tests every second day and theyre making me drink these gross supplements up to 4x a day

who wouldve guessed that not eating anything for 2 weeks would have this effect????? i am eating now tho, i ate a bit of sushi today and some salad.. ik it’s not normal people amounts, but.. it’s something.. apparently my deficiencies are getting legit dangerous :/// so THANK god im in hospital and not slowly starving to death at home i guess????/ i still hate blood tests even after having them every few days for nearly 7 weeks but the blood test lady is so nice i dont mind anymore.. i am thinking tho, abt how i used to not eat for periods of time and not get any help for it.. was i malnourished then, too??? i always just assumed i was fine?? bc i never lost weight really (i still haven’t really lost weight! i don’t think my body likes to which is fine hahah just makes u think about the ‘eat less’ crowd like if i didnt eat for 2 weeks and barely lost anything what are u even saying)

also i did figure out WHY im not eating.......... it’s a whole thing, a complicated mess. won’t get into it. but i am happy that i’ve gotten a bit of focus back now that i’m eating again, even if it’s only a little bit. i watched a whole movie today!! played animal crossing while watching and took lots of breaks but i processed stuff!!!!! been in such a brainfog recently so it’s nice.... got a bunch more movies downloaded..... i’m going somewhere, it’s just slowwwwwww

#ed mumbles #disordered eating ///

[enevera]

E F H U :-)

E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?

u ask this like ive completed a fic ever in my life hsabjdl

but yeah none of the fics ive completed are all that worthy of a sequel in my eyes ig, but i did have an idea for a sequel for aootd where quentin and eliot get back to their own timeline and have to just like figure out if the whole thing they just experienced happened at all. also is quentin alive? who knows, great question to ask someone not me hbjdfs

(dont watch the magicians dont do it if anyone looks at that fic summary and goes oh that looks interesting but i'll have to watch the show first stop right there dont do it its not worth it the suffering is not worth it literally DO NOT)

the rest is under the cut bc this got soooo long asbhjkd

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

jsdbnlkf okee taking this as a sign to talk abt my satoshouko convo thank u for enabling meee hehe >:D

“Stop that,” she says, frowning. “Don’t lie like that to me, it’s creepy.” “And you know all about creepy, huh?” he teases and feels the ground under his feet come a little closer. Unimportant conversation is an old comfort and he clings to the offer presented to him. “More than you,” she returns cooly. “Now get up. You’re coming back to my place.” She begins walking around the morgue collecting her own things. “I— What?” He stutters, all of him at once, fingers twitching and eyesight shaking. He’s still too many feet above the ground for this, it seems. “Why?” “You’re a mess,” Shouko explains, throwing a packet of cigarettes in her work purse; she has a nicer one that she brings out shopping and to cafés, he knows, that Utahime bought for her when they first started dating. The one she has for work is heavily worn and a dull brown; she’s had it since high school and they both pretend to forget where she’d gotten it from. “I don’t trust you by yourself and I don’t think you want to worry your kids, so you’re coming home with me.” “I’m fine, Shouko,” he tries to protest, but she shoots him a sternly unimpressed glare and walks back over to get in his face. “No you’re fucking not, don’t even try that right now. It won’t work. Besides…” she straightens up and turns away from him, tugging her bag’s strap up her shoulder. “You’re not the only one who needs some company tonight.”

okay on top of the brainrot writing this sparked in me my favorite favorite thing to write is characters with differing goals and they have very differing goals. i like when a character has already made a decision and i like writing characters disagreeing a bit. i just loveee when i get to write different motivations and i love them i love this convo and i like writing shouko mhm

H: How would you describe your style?

uhhh thats difficult lol but like i know i lean pretty hard into being very descriptive and i like a lottt of metaphors and imagery, but my main goal is always to get my mental picture across as much as i can, so i guess thats why. i like to keep dialogue on the sparser side, though. most of the time people dont monologue, so i try not to let the characters do it and i spent a lot of time rlly figuring out how ppl naturally speak so that i could do that ljsfdhb <33

U: Share three FOUR !! of your favourite fic writers and why you like them so much.

djhbsvjhdfbjv uhhhhhh shit lolol i dont usually read all that much by the same fic authors bc i jump fandoms p often (before jjk anyway, usually hyperfixations only last like 3-4 months for me, this has been like. eight or so; not counting dr who i come back to that a lot sbhjkd), but i will try my bestttt

yukiiiiii <33 obvi obvi echo's writing is so good that i read their bsd fic and i know like nothing abt bsd sfjbhd

biscaaniii!!! admittedly ive only read their jjk works but theyre so so so good highly recommend!!

krissssssss!!!! hi hi hi kris writes naruto stuff but u should read it everyone should read it her writing is soooo gooddddd!!!!!!!

also u habibi bc though i admittedly havent read all ur fics the ones i have read have been sooo good i love them v much i need to finish the miminana fic and read the rest dbjhf <333

ask game!!

#i want to link more mutuals but if i did i think we'd be here forever #also i didnt mean to only link mutuals ahjsfb i just like.. have a habit(?) of accidentally becoming friends w authors i adore #its a rlly strange pattern actually hm #but yeah these are mostly jjk shit gets diff if i try and think of more bc then we rlly will be here forever #and also i dont usually tend to follow authors that much im only subbed to like 10 ppl on ao3? sjkfad #4 of them are the ppl i recd sbhjlf #askask #friend tag #sorry this is so long btw ig i got talkative

[icharchivist]

ohhhhh my god. ohhhh my god. nocturnality. i think i already jumpscared u abt it so let me dive right in. apologies for the length I may have also gotten a bit Not Normal abt this play to the point I needed a whole day to write this haha... will just go in chronological order (mostly) of how i experienced it bc i think that's the easiest way to represent my thoughts!! first off. the beginning scene where the relatives are talking abt who’s going to take in azuma made me think like ah. wow. he and sakuya… they would mesh. learning that he had an older brother rly took me out tho. that’s tough. i loved that the scene in mankai also opened with him being able to say like… welcome home to people! because it is home, this place. also love how tsumugi like. specifically says that casting tasuku as a co-lead is like… a good support. coming right off of the taichi and tasuku halloween event its so nice bc its like. i feel like a lot of tasukus roles have been abt playing that support and how like, being able to do that is something he treasures? thought it was cute that masumi dropped off the script this time like. when he was like "lol I stole the script from tsuzuru while he wasn’t looking… just kidding. he’s dead as usual so I just wanted to drop it off" i genuinely was like. omg masumi... ur cracking jokes now? good kid. as always the moment one character goes "..." abt smthing (azuma abt the "good night, and sweet dreams" line it always Makes You Think). i was wondering if he was thinking abt his own sleeplessness. or how his like. sleeping profession probably had him say things like that but it was empty. anyways i have more to say on that... around here was where i took a pause to actually. watch nocturnality the play. as you may have already gathered... I enjoyed the play. however!!! for the longest time the ONLY thing i knew abt it was the cover poster. i was convinced both kota and reo were vampires and kota was just like, keeping it secret (you know like a gay metaphor or smthing lol) but ah. that was not the case. I have surveyed my friends though and literally every single one was in agreement abt it being abt homoerotic vampires. one person suggested kota would be a werewolf but thats it.

anyways. nocturnality the play. had to rewind the part where kota was like “you’d be the ultimate wife” and reo's very normal response was “I’ve lived a pretty long life, but I don’t think I’ve ever been someone’s wife before” it rly was like. wow this is so trope-y, like, picking up a stranger from the street who cooks well and you cohabitate before realizing that you are in love etc. also i loved like. theres a lot of subtle things going on here that I feel like don't quite have the time to get expanded upon? like, the vampire hq. theyre fine in daylight. lovely details like how kota's from the countryside and probably a little lonely, how hes moved by reo saying he doesn't have anywhere to go, or the way that it seems to be implied that like the First time kota tells reo he's been having nightmares is because he sees reo covered in blood, which is like. distressing for him and he's worried. very in line with winter's non-confrontation. the subtle distinctions of kota calling reo a friend while others call him a stranger or a freeloader, the way at the end nonomiya is like oh the freeloader finally left and kota is like "he left me behind"... the way that franz says "I'm the same as him" about reo and that kota ISN'T the same as reo... the way their duet song clarifies that like, they ARE the same, though, in like. mirrors of loneliness. the way kota is dueting all those blood-drinking lines in that song still. i think the duet song (which is VERY good) does a greattt job of expanding upon a lot of what the play has to cut for time, and it rly hones in on those like. feelings. the freaking "If I hated you any more than I do, I would have long taken everything from you" line... i'm rambling. yeah i wish we could have seen more of how close kota and reo were in the middle period of him being like. unwell and having nightmares. hence my jumpscare.

back to the event story... it is at this point i have to pause and say i was actually worried about being overhyped about nocturnality. i love everyone in a3 but azuma def faded in the background a bit for me during winters 1st ep...? and I know like, he's one of your favs. i think part of it rly comes down to that like, winter estbalishes two very set dynamics with tsumugi and tasuku and homare and hisoka so azuma is kind of like. the odd one out? and hes got a room of his own, too... I feel like we didn't really get Much of him but that's also part of his character bc he's like, quite guarded. very itaru-ish vibes to me. anyways i say all this because i was like in tears by ch 4 of the event story lmao. there's a not-insignificant chance i was projecting for all of this but i really liked this event story because it wasn't necessarily... obvious? like, the main line of it was pretty clear but there's alllllll these little subtle details, half of which don't get addressed (which makes sense! its in character!) and it made me think abt azuma as a character a lot. this ask is going to be so long omg.

i was so pleasantly surprised when the texting layout popped up. love how tasuku invites him out for a drive like this time and the next time. he just goes with one thing. and i love how its bc like. he heard azuma say he liked the ocean or smthing so hes like. oh well why dont we go there all the time. when azuma asks abt how tasuku must've had a lot of choices post-leaving godza, I thought it was very interesting that he asks "did you come here for tsumugi?" and like... hm. I think its very telling. because azuma's reason, which he deflects in answering at this time, is that he's here because mankai is a place that feels like home and he loves being around the winter troupe. so i think hes instinctively looking for some justification of that feeling, but I think it's also like. i think azuma just wants that kind of thing for himself. someone going out of their way for you. like the way he keeps assuring tasuku that the play will be fine because like of course that's the concern and it's not like it's HIM that could be someone people would concern themselves with, right? ...it made me sad.

I think like, azuma's also so competent at deflecting that sort of yearning from himself, to the point that just looking at him, you wouldn't ever think he's lonely. the game describes azuma as sensual and mysterious, something which he's called often, and I think that description really hits the mark. like azuma carries this ethereal feeling because I think he deliberately acts like a person who could float and live anywhere. you'll never know a thing about him. he could be anyone, because he's not tied to anyone. but i also think he like. desperately wants to be tied down. he doesn't want to run away... he wants to be able to believe that he can capture a sense of belonging. and for sensual like i think azuma is obviously like. very beautiful etc but the i think its a very good choice that out of everyone else in a3, he's kind of the most explicitly touch-starved? what with his whole cuddling/sleeping with others occupations. like it's such a good dynamic. here's someone who is transcendental that wants, probably desperately more than anything, to be tied down by a home and held. i think he's also old enough that he's like, aware of it. this is verging on projection but like it’s really so hard because fundamentally it’s embarrassing! it’s embarrassing to want and desire so openly, to be around other people, especially when you're old enough to be so aware that people are not forever...

ah unrelated but i thought it was very interesting that homare's response to whether he liked acting was like. oh well liking is not really what i care about--it feels meaningful to me! such an in-character outlook, i felt. this was also very itaru-ish of azuma to do, I felt--feeling guilty that his reason for acting wasnt enough. i want so badly for act 2 to come along just so he gets a roommate honestly. like idk. azuma gets to go to practice every day and like see the way tasuku and tsumugi seem to know each other inside and out and see the weird marshmallow deals homare and hisoka have going on and its not that hes Alone or that winter as a whole is Not Close but i do wonder sometimes if hes like oh. i wish i had... more. but winter isn't really blunt about that kind of thing.

the scene where azuma says I’m home at his apartment but no one responds... the way it mirrors the beginning of the event. the way he explcitly was like i should visit my apartment again to get in touch with being as desperately lonely as reo is. the way he is so self-aware of his loneliness but unable to confront it... like it makes me sad. i liked how this event made a not eof how much more direct summer is in comparison lol... theyre really different! the way tasuku invites him out for a drive again and azumas like oh im not around. where i am is a secret. like what a neat way of being like... playful and not revealing anything about yourself bc vulnerability is so terrifying. but the way tasuku comes to the train station to walk with him and says welcome back to him. or the way tsumugi asks if it's difficult acting with tasuku and azuma says I'm sure he's havng a harder time acting with me. he should be frustrated with my acting. like he's too graceful to wallow but I think azuma definitely gives off this vibe of like. oh i have to be Good. i have to nice and pleasant. to make up for the fact that it's me beneath all of this. like when he sees hisoka in his room and says he doesnt have any marshmallows here but hisoka is here for HIM and gives him marshmallows. sighs and says they are a value pack. arisu is a cheapskate. azuma is continually reminded and perhaps tortured by the soft and subtle ways winter loves each other because i don't think he can see himself as Part Of It yet...

to the nicer stuff lol i love the “where are you now?” / “that’s a secret” exchange is basiacally the same as last time only this time tasuku is at his door. i adoreeee how tasukus script notes are abt what “would help azuma out the most” bc. god. thats so good. yeah. i have to bet thats why tsumugi asked azuma if it was hard--i think tasukus very concious nowadays of like, what is the best way to Match with others. oh and FINALLY when azumas like I told you I’d do a good job for the performance and tasuku says “that’s not what I was worried about” yes… yess!!!! “we may be able to pull of the play perfectly fine, but are you fine? it seems like something’s been bothering you.” yes!!!!

also the way azuma's like yes i frow my hair out in the hopes my brother will come back some day its like. AND YOU WANTED TO CUT IT??? AND YOU SAID IT SO CASUALLY??? but ah. thats really azuma. and “since reo welcomes his loneliness, I thought I’d be able to act the part better if I spent time alone again” HE DOESNT WELCOME IT THOUGH!! HE DOESNT LOVE IT!!! i am so glad they r all together now. but yea the way azuma feels like this side of him is weak and miserable even tho it is literally human. the way that even here hes like [laughs] after seeing tasuku try to reach out to me, it doesnt feel as embarrasing anymore like. the way hes still keeping it light. azumas va genuinely recorded the perfect laugh for his character. and i love that the end of this event is just them mostly resolving to be more open with each other. what this event also made me realize is wow.... winter troupe didnt know literally anything abt the tsumugi tasuku debacle OR azumas backstory until now! shows how little they dive into touchy subjects lol... i also totally wrote down sooo many of these dialogue lines bc they're. good. telling. like its so sweet. tasuku just plainly sincerely expressing how he felt, knowing tsumugi had given up on acting and how that felt like a betrayal, and how tsumugis like. well, its fine. since you said you love my acting, it's all fine.

also. “the spring troupe is like a family, the summer troupe like school friends, and the autumn troupe like comrades for the same cause. what does that make us, then?” i have seen this quoted before and thought that the "and winter troupe are married!" was just a fun joke and not the Actual Thing they say basically??? i do love the different configurations of like. relationships that go on in a3 truly. but genuinely i think marriage is actually a great way to describe winter troupe's relationship? like, they're all old enough and had enough various relationships that i feel like. for them its very much like. okay... whatever this is, I'll commit to it, and make it work, and I plan for it to last for a very very very very long time.

anyways I burst out laughing at homares horrible snoring. hisoka how do u live. everyones sleeping sounds r so in character. azuma also seeing that gorgeous lavender sky and realizing how beautiful it looks with like. the rest of the troupe there... it was so good. it makes sense he's never seen it that way, considering he was afraid of waking up to another morning alone. also how he asks tasuku "once I gather the courage to return there, could you come with me? just kidding, of course..." like!! gah. the way he can't yet visit his family's place for fear of being too lonely. the way he asks tasuku becuase he is vulnerable enough to believe in him but also the way he has to couch it in a just kidding. tasuku falling asleep before he can respond, and azuma being at a good enough place where not knowing the answer, just yet, won't terrify him. and he gets to say "good night, and sweet dreams," but unlike reo. he gets to see tasuku when the next day comes, too. he can believe a little harder that he's not an imposition.

now for a little chikage interlude pre-their actual performance. CHIKAGE IM WATCHING YOU. I BET HES WATCHING WINTER. i bet hes whoever sent that "im watching you" message to them!!! i have cottoned on!!! he's been overseas for a long time, he can recognize azuma on sight... i'm still placing my bets on assassin but spy, the more realistic option, is also working. "I’ve really taken a liking to your troupe." and you keep showing up for winter troup stuff in specific.... buying FLOWERS... no clue why they were zinnias bc i dont think thats hisokas or chikages flower but. im 100% sure he knows hisoka. bet pre amnesiac hisoka was like a co-assassin!! and to transition back to the play performance, izumi is like "I’ve always thought this, but he’s really good at acting" abt hisoka and there is me, banging pots and pans together: ITS BECAUSE!!! HES AN ASSASSIN!!!! (more realistically a spy)

nocturnality such a good play tho. the delicate relationship of not daring to overstep despite building smthing so fundamentally important to both of you. the way reo is so like. i cannot demand anything from kota but has been drinking his blood every night… also azuma being like "tasuku said he likes my hair long :)
" yes. but oh my godddd the "...that idiot" adlib TASUKU WHAT A DESTRUCTIVE ADLIB!!! when i first watched the play i was so moved by kota's desperation to stay with reo and when i saw that the ending just had reo gone and kota breaking down from emotion it was... moving, sure, but I wanted kota to retain that desperation. and i feel like this adlib rly brought some determination to the character. the way only someone you are deeply intimte with is someone you can so heart-wrenchingly call an idiot. the way it's an acknowledgment of how kota knows reo is lonely. that it's not just him. the play poster has that one line... "we're the same, you and i. this is our true nature" which is why me and my friends all assumed it would be abt TWO vampires. but it's not, and I think what that phrase means is like. human, vampire, whatever. these are two lonely people who want to love each other. thats what they are mirrors of. each other. they must be the same being in the end. and that's why even though kota has to let this other random vampire save and heal reo he is not going to let him go. or something. how wonderful.

now that I've gone through all the event plays I am gonna have to say that a clockwork heart is my favorite, just for how it mirrors the play and the real events, and the whole mizuno and tsuzuru dynamic is so well done. plus the fact that it gets to re-contextualize romeo and julius (when I got to the scene where mizuno is literally staring at tsuzuru on the balcony something CLICKED for me) is so good. clockwork heart and nocturnality as plays actually have lots of similarities in theming to me, in taht its about a human's bond with soemthing thats human-shaped but seen as unnatural and shouldn't exist. anyways, just a little more 'til act 2.... im excited!

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII orghhhh Nocturnality. Nocturnality….. i'm famously Very Normal about Nocturnality so i'm going to try my best to answer this but. wow. so normal. Just reading through your ask once made me crazy emotional so 😭

Under cut because it already got long enough,

You pinpointing right away that Azuma and Sakuya would mesh…. there's actually a link skill (so, like Taichi and Tasuku have about being Godza people) when you put Azuma, Sakuya, and two others people (whom reasons to be here are for act 2 so i'll keep it at that) in the same group, and it's called "Lone Wolves: I've finally found the place where I belong.". Much to think about!!!!! But yeah definitely Azuma and Sakuya have a lot in common, orphan boys who lost their loving parents and then had to basically deal with relatives not wanting them around so they both became as pleasant and unimposing as possible. Except that for any stories where Winter gets to parallel one of the younger people, it's all about how Winter had to carry this coping so deep into adulthood that now it's too hard to move away from it, while the younglings are allowed to grow while this trauma had taken root sure but not already bloomed into a full. waves at what Azuma pulls yaknow. But god the infos about Azuma's brother too it's just. orhghhh Azuma……..

But yeah so he finally found a home there and you're right on so many points down the line about his loneliness and how much he fits him but i'm trying to go through the ask in order else it'll get messy but orhghhh Nocturnality…

AND YEAH FOR TASUKU YEAH!! he's SO GOOD at Support and he's been SO HAPPY about doing support now. And yeah like, right after the event with Taichi it stands out a lot. I'll just bring back too that a bit before the Halloween event there was the Beach event where Juza was cold toward Muku because he didn't know how to address his guilt, and while it was a team effort, Tasuku especially involved himself and insisted on /supporting Juza/ into showing Muku his feelings via play.

So it's been a pattern but what i find really interesting is that he was upfront about it for both Juza and Taichi but when it came to Azuma, he didn't know how to make it clear. And it all roots back to the fact that they had a major fight in the Winter Chapter. Remember that? During the whole "someone is spying on Mankai" situation, after Azuma temporarely left the company and then came back after his mental breakdown and being told Winter accepted him. Where Azuma just pointed out, hey, maybe Tasuku is the one who leaked out secrets without really realizing it because he was talking to an old friend, and Tasuku got so angry he snapped back that since Azuma was a whore (paraphrasing) perhaps HE'S the one who leaked secrets by talking to his clients. And Azuma was REAAAALLY pissed by this whole thing and when he started to get cold to Tasuku Tasuku started to realize oh shit my anger got the better of me and now this is bad. And this whole situation wasn't really solved by them apologizing to each other, in fact it kept escalating with Azuma also threatening to leave the company again because he was "so unreliable with how much he slept around due to his old job", which freaked Tasuku out. And i think it's important there at this point in Tasuku's journey to remember he was so wounded by being left behind by Tsumugi without knowing why, and blaming himself, that when Azuma started to close in and threaten to leave, Tasuku probably took it the really wrong way. This whole situation was solved with Homare's whole arc, but so, Tasuku and Azuma didn't exactly talk this shit out. They basically made a truce without apologizing and they've been pleasant to one another up until then.

But it's clear imo that Tasuku especially wanted to make it up to Azuma, and it's likely just Azuma had his walls PARTICULIARLY high around Tasuku because he felt betrayed for the one time he considered lowering them. So, I think it's fascinating to compare Tasuku's behavior toward Juza and Taichi, kids he decides to guide no matter what, to toward Azuma, because he genuinely wants to be here for Azuma but he feels the wall Azuma is putting between the two of them, and he feels responsible for it even being here because of how badly this one incident went.

This one incident drives me bonkers because it basically sets up why their dynamic is like that during Nocturnality even more so than just Azuma closing in: it's also because they don't know how to approach each other while by all account they're the duo who, up until now, in Winter, got along the least. And it's why Tasuku is trying so hard to take notes on his script without confronting Azuma about it either, and making things easier for him. Of course, he worries and is just bad at showing it, but Tasuku is also so unsure how to confront him again without making a mess. It's similar to how he felt unable to confront Tsumugi and orrghhhhh Tasuku….

Okay back to your ask,

The Masumi's scene was sO CUTE!!! This is what i mean when i say "Masumi is a good character when they let him do things outside of his obsession with Izumi", this whole bit was aDORABLE. And the implication he's looking out for Tsuzuru is just😭

I like your interpretation on the good night and sweet dreams's line reaction. I'll also rise that i've seen "good night and sweet dreams" used a lot also as something to say to people on their last breath as they die. As in, have a good eternal slumber. I think Tsuzuru isn't so innocent in that choice of line for Reo and Kota. Because in a way it's the immortal creature of the night, an undead, who makes this wishes of all the sweetest dreams to the person he's leaving behind, playing on the words we'd use for the departed but here, reversed as the meaning from Reo is "i want you to keep on living no matter what". Which is even MORE ironical because leaving Kota just leaves Kota in grief and orghhhhh Nocturnality………….

ABOUT THE PLAY THEN…. Honestly this is so fair, and the song goes even more into this interpretation with how they both sing together the drinking blood lines. I think it's mostly because, the Poster is set after Kota learns Reo is a vampire and we know Kota immediately jumped into wanting to be there for Reo no matter what and become a vampire himself. Kota was posing like "yeah i'm a vampire too, or at least i'm trying to convince my vampire boyfriend to turn me" and that's really sexy. But i find it so fun all your friends thought the same LDKJFDLKFJ

god. ReoKota. they're so fucking good. whole fist into my mouth. Like who talks like that; Tsuzuru is that how you see the Winter Troupe. You're always right but sTILL. On all the details you mention it's just so much, but, i'll ask you to put on a pin on the vampire HQ and remember it does exist. I have nothing really to add to everything you mention about the play itself it's just. god. this play is just way too good. But yeah i would have loved to see a bit more of them too, and i'm really glad you took upon you the hard duty of showing it as well. God. these two. I'm obsessed.

and helppp the hype 😭 But i TOTALLY agree and understand where you're coming from. Azuma and Hisoka have been my loves since the first Winter Chapter, but mainly in act 1 i focused on Azuma more, so i was terrified when Nocturnality came along too that i was overhyping it. Instead i cried so hard the whole way through i had to take breaks because of headaches. But i think you're on point with how Azuma feels like the odd one out and i do think it's on purpose, like you mention later, it's the touch starved one, the one who's so desperately yearning for love and connection, who still picked to self isolate. Because he saw the two duos that were arising at the time they picked the rooms and he considered well, he's used to loneliness, he can be lonely again, it's not like he can take place in either of these duos. god. But yeah this event does such a good job at expending on Azuma and giving him the proper room to breath. And i think it's like, when you make a character who's so kind that he looks open, but is actually extremely closed in because he's terrified of this intimacy he's yearning for, it's the kind of things you can only really show via slowburn and subtle details, so it makes Azuma so easy to overlook. But it's why i kept insisting on reading the event stories. I can't imagine jumping into act 2 without all of the character work those events worked so hard to develop, and Azuma especially is getting a lot out of it.

And HHHH THE DRIVING DATES. GOD. Remember how in the first winter chapter when Tasuku asks if anyone can drive Azuma is just "i prefer to be in the passenger seat" and Tasuku just rolls his eyes because his whole troupe is useless, and now he's just, hey, stay with me on the passenger seat? And for the ocean, yeah, i think Azuma brings it up when Hisoka asks them to stop at the beach as he's having memories. Tasuku at this point acts so annoyed at everyone and is focusing on Hisoka and i'm SURE Azuma just said something without really thinking anyone was listening to him, let alone Tasuku. So that's a nice continuity thing of how much Tasuku is paying attention to the people around him. (on a sidenote, this was one of the small reasons that got me pissed at the Winter anime adaptation dLKJDFLD The anime already cut Azuma and Hisoka's arc for the most part, and on the beach scene in question, they adapted it so that Tasuku and Tsumugi stay in the car to have a little gay drama on the side to tease their conflict. me, foaming in the mouth: where is Tasuku worrying about Hisoka. Where is Tasuku picking up the details Azuma drops about himself which serves then to build on Nocturnality. What are you DOING ANIME.) Tasuku is def the friend who hears you offhandedly mention liking something and then he rolls his eyes and then the next time you meet he got it for you. God. This guy.

The convo about Tasuku leaving the God Troupe hhhh god. You're totally right about Azuma asking about Tasuku's reasons. It's just. god, Azuma…. I do genuinely think that like, he admires that Tasuku is here for Tsumugi, he admires this type of love, but he would love someone to love him like that, like you said. I think part of him wished to hear "but i'm also here because i love all of the Winter Troupe, you included" or something that shows Azuma is also a priority in other people's lives. Because despite how nice and sweet Azuma can be, how much he's been a support to anyone, he closes himself in and fades in the background so much he doesn't have strong bonds with anyone or so he thinks and god it hurts. fist in mouth Sorry if i cannot be too coherent about Azuma i'm realizing trying to type all of that that i'm still crying thinking about his arc and goddamn, the line between projecting and relating has truly blurred past comprehention to me.

But god everything you say about Azuma. yeah. yeah… yeah. I think also that, Azuma is so touch starved so he turned to cuddling, but this touch starving is such a manifestation of how he's yearning to be close and intimate with people, and he can comprehend this intimacy on a physical level, but on an emotional level he just cannot make himself vulnerable enough for that. So i think in a way it might make his touch starving even worse because it means, he's getting so close to getting it, he's extending others the intimacy he would love to receive, but he puts himself in a situation where he denies it to himself. So his needs are not fulfilled and in a way i think he probably ends up starving even more, no matter how much he cuddles up at work and stuff. But yeah no i totally 100% agree with you and it's embarassing and it's muffled screaming into hands Azuma……………. And on top of the loneliness, yeah, god. I mean, Azuma basically grew up with the idea of, people will leave your life when you least expect it, so better be ready for it to happen. Better not form close attachement else it will hurt once it's gone. And we know his relatives didn't really want to keep him around so it adds to the fact of just feeling like you cannot form any type of attachement. And he carried that into adulthood and now it's just, he convinced himself loneliness was the only thing he could get. And he could banter up with it by the touching and cuddling, but the loneliness remains.

But yeah omg the Homare bit is so good 😭 and this is the second time you're comparing Azuma and Itaru this is amazing. Let them do more things together!! But i do think you're on point with their guilt over how the reason their acting isn't good enough to them.

"i want act 2 to come along just so he gets a roommate honestly"

THIS WAS ME THE ENTIRE TIME HELPPPP. The moment Azuma said that he had panic attacks at night when he slept alone in the first Winter Chapter i was just "oh my god can the Winter rookie come already you can't leave him alone like that" and i've waited ever since, non stop, for this new chara to show up. Now my feelings for when it happens are REDACTED for spoilers reason but holy shit. Holy shit…. But yeah like Azuma stands out even more so, he's already so lonely and while Winter is a big group and stuff, it's true by act one they're mostly divided by two duos and Azuma on the side. I think Nocturnality changes that around quite a bit, as Tasuku goes out of his way to be here for Azuma and all of Winter are making their efforts to be there for him, but yeah, up until this point, Azuma had all the reasons to feel like the odd one out.

god Azuma coming back to his old flat. fist in mouth fist in mouth f- But yeah it sure works to show how much Winter is very undirect with talking about their feelings. I think it's here from the start but it can easily be seen, esp after Summer and Autumn's fights, as a lack of conflict that they're just this indirect and taking their bad emotions upon themselves. I think the Winter events, especially Nocturnality, and especially Azuma, do a good job showing how much this is just as much of a conflict and possibly just as harmful. I think Azuma is, in the end, surprisingly, the one who therefore makes the situation worse for Winter, because he does have a habit of not talking about what is wrong and, before you know, suddenly he disappeared and you don't know how to approach him without being a little blunt. So out of everyone, it's Azuma's way to just try to make as little fuss and disappear that can make everything about the Winter dynamic more difficult. so i think it's also telling that solving at least part of this issue was with Tasuku, since in a way Tasuku is much more blunt and its his outbrusts that caused Winter to have to face each other and their conflict in previous stories. Unstoppable Force VS Unmovable Object.

" I think azuma definitely gives off this vibe of like. oh i have to be Good. i have to nice and pleasant. to make up for the fact that it's me beneath all of this. "

oroghhhh yeah.. yeah!! Once again i was mentioning earlier, but let's remember that when his parents died Azuma was told clearly by his relatives that he would be a burden to them. I don't think they even made clear if he stayed with some relatives (he must have right? i mean he was just a kid) until he could get a place he could live in alone, but therefore, the comparaison with Sakuya is even more stark in that sense of: he probably had to be good and pleasant and take as little space as possible, not cause any problem, handling everything on his own so his presence isn't a burden, doesn't come noticed as much. And i genuinely feel like there's part of it in the way he behaves there as the lead, of, trying so much to disappear behind being as good and as little of a problem as possible, so perhaps he won't burden anyone by the crime of, you know, being alive and existing. God the Hisoka scene tho Hisooo 😭 he worries so much for Azuma it's so cute. Even if yeah he has to bring it up back to Homare but man. man.

YEAH MAN THAT EXCHANGE IS SO GOOD. AT THE DOOR I MEAN. gOd Tasuku coming forth showing he's both a fantastic theater support AND a good friend support. god.

The hair thing drives me insane too bc it's not even the first time he brings it up, he also mentions eventually cutting it in the backstage of his SR for My Master Mesmerized by Mystery. I think Azuma has been kind of… on a line, basically, on that topic. I feel like if he cut his hair, he would have to face right away that there is no one who could come back to him. I think he holds on to that feeling so much. And a part of him would be betraying what his brother loved just to try to move on. I think cutting his hair would be the worst thing for his mental health, and in a way, he toys with the idea of basically destroying himself because, what if it means he can more easily rebuild himself? I also think it adds to the significance of Azuma being the one to chose to have his hair short in MMMBM. Because he's playing a brother who had to kill his sibling in order to set them free. As such, i feel like, since Azuma was the one who could pick the hairstyle he wanted, this was his way to show how he'd basically give up on any foolish thought of his brother being alive, by all account, killing him in the last way possible. That perhaps it could set them both free. but MMMBM does end with the idea still that the death wasn't the solution and that Azuma's chara ruined his own life and his possibility to bond with other people. As such, i think that the idea is that this would not actually be freeing for him to do so and would instead just make things worse.

But yeah back to the scene itself and yeah god. God that whole scene is so much. I really love how the conflict is solved by all of winter coming together too. While Tasuku does the heavy lifting it's all of Winter that has to extend to Azuma that, no, he has a place with them, and they want him with them. And i love that it means they can open up to each other sobs. The Tasuku and Tsumugi scene was especially soft.

""“the spring troupe is like a family, the summer troupe like school friends, and the autumn troupe like comrades for the same cause. what does that make us, then?” i have seen this quoted before and thought that the "and winter troupe are married!" was just a fun joke and not the Actual Thing they say basically??? ""

SURPRISEEEEE "i can hear the wedding bells!" like okay??? me too??? moment that made me go from shipping duos to "actually Fuyupoly rules". I'm feeling insane. But genuinely Homare going on about how they're soulmates designed to meet each other and how Azuma and Tasuku joke about it at the end and how "yeah perhaps he's right" i'm feeling insane i'm feeling insane im- but i do agree that marriage is what fits them most, it's like, this choice they keep on making to try to make it work. In a way it faces even more how much it's a real work to go through with it. guhhhhh them. them. God i love them so much i'm ghnnnn

So funnily, i think it's one of his base Backstage but Hisoka mentions very early on that he doesn't want any gifts like, pillows or plushies or eyebands because he wants to be able to sleep anywhere in any situation whatsoever. And, like the stray cat he is, we've seen that people have Basically Been Ignoring That (if you can look at his R backstage in the Into the Night- where he basically gets his first real plush and suddenly it's all hell breaks loose) and now Hisoka is just, extremely picky about where he sleeps. In his R Nocturnality backstage you find out Hisoka is going more and more extreme in ways to find sleep. So i figure that: Hisoka would have stand with Homare's snoring at first. But probably not anymore. Not now that he sleeps with plushies and pillows and eyebands and everything. Please save him.

but orghhh the next morning and the way he asks for Tasuku to come with him but Tasuku is already asleep. In my mind rentfree everytime. And this is where Tasuku and Azuma's relationship really changed since, like i mentioned, before this event they were still distant toward one another, and now Azuma trusts Tasuku with the most vulnerable side of himself, even if he still brushes it off a bit. Like god. these two.

" and he gets to say "good night, and sweet dreams," but unlike reo. he gets to see tasuku when the next day comes, too. he can believe a little harder that he's not an imposition. "

CRYING IN THE FUCKING CLUB THANK YOU

Okay let's stop with the man that always make me cry. let's go talk about the man that always make me g- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA muffles screams with hand i'm so normal i'm so normal i'm s- god the fact Chikage's presence in this event is him seeing Azuma in the street at night and immediately realizing it's him and going at Itaru, how come a member of your troupe is out there alone? isn't he in the winter troupe? Why isn't the rest of his troupe with him? And Itaru is just huh, okay, weird you picked it up but alright, and that then Chikage asks if he can come see the next play. Like. Mhmmmmmm. MHMMMM. For the records, a3 is always very careful about the use of its flower languages and Chikage's bouquets all had a specific meaning so far. I won't share them because it's likely it'll spoil a little of his deal, but it's worth coming back to it once you get to know him. (More in the sense of the devs made sense of the bouquet, whenever Chikage knows what the flowers means or not are up to interpretation… or at least to pick up once you've read his deal). Obviously i can't say more but we're getting closer in closer to having an answer and, i, for one, am hype. But god. GODD. I'm not saying anything i'm not saying anything i'm not goes back to yell in my hands that's fine i'm good i'm good i'm,

NOCTURNALITY IS SO GOOD and it does so mcuh to parallel Azuma and Tasuku. ALSO AZUMA THAT TASUKU SAID THAT ABOUT HIS HAIR. back to what i was saying, so far he's associating keeping his hair long with staying afloat, giving himself hope his brother might come back, and cutting it would hurt him right? i think this adds a layer even more so, that, by the hair being a promise that his brother might come back, keeping his hair long is also a promise that he will not always be alone, and that he will have people who'd come back to him. and Tasuku in his silly sleepy ramblings, gave him exactly that. I think in that moment it was a healthier way to move forward how Azuma felt about his hair than to cut it to try to move on: this way, indeed, hair is home, in the sense that someone cares about him enough that he cares about what Azuma would do with his hair. Fucking insane event i swear to god. THE "… THAT IDIOT" ADDLIB, TASUKU YOU KING. You're totally right i think this addlib changes everything and i'll have something very important to say about it a bit later, so, let's see you in a bit. and yess yo'ure totally correct about the thematic of the play and how they mirror each other and hjjjdgfhkdghf ReoKota my beloved. I can"t deal with it.

Okay so here, i have TWO things i need you to watch on top of everything. In case you didn't know so far, the SSR Backstage for the Lead Actor of the Play serves as an Epilogue to the play. It depends exactly play by play how it goes: the ones i'm familiar with for act 1 are only the summer ones and Nocturnality, but for instance, Sardine Search involves Kuro and Shiro accidentally finding themselves in the Mankai backyard and meeting Yuki and Kazunari. Sky's Pirate is the whole of summer talking together about what they would wish the sequel to Sky's Pirate would be, all of them adding a bit of their own flair to it.

Nocturnality's. is. SO important. You need to watch it. this is a threat. Here's the link. it's SO important you need to come back to me when you read it.

Also on another side i really want you to read Tasuku's N for this event because it's genuinely so funny. I love him so much. IT's one of my favorite backstage ever

Okay now back to the ask. Clockwork Heart is a fantastic play and event, i totally feel you there. It's one of my fav of this brunch too because it works so well at recontextualizing Tsuzuru and also Citron, and Mizuno is such a good chara to add to this whole bit. Nocturnality remains my personal fav because i'm soooooooooooo normal, but god.

Tbh like, i keep on insisting people read the events before jumping to act 2, and more often than not i've met a bit of…. resistance? kinda? because the events start out a bit slow. And it was for a reason too, since it was to let some times for the new players to catch up on the main story before dumping all sort of heavy things at them. But therefore i'd say that, while they're very good, i think it's possible to not find the first 3 events that captivating: like they explore the chara, sure, but it's not comparable to the feelings of the main story. Once you reach The Stranger though i think the events don't pull any punches anymore and all of them add so much to the way you read those chara. And frankly the whole bunch of the 3rd plays are so important imo, they give so much insight on everything i can't imagine skipping them. But i generally don't manage to argue that with people who tends to get bored after the first two events and jump to Act 2 and then they get confused while i'm just. no. come back.

So i'm genuinely glad you enjoyed the events and how much there is into them. they're so so good. And it's true that the thematic are similar in a sense, and i think it's a bit on purpose but i can't really adventure myself too much in details.

BUT YEAH. thank you for sharing your thoughts as always and thank you so much for making me relive this heartshattering experience. It was a blast <333

Take care and see you around :3c

#long post for ts #hands in the water. Nocturnality................. #thank you so much as usual for your messages #and thank you for reminding me just how much this event ruined me #ichareply #aranarumei #ichafantalks a3 #bro you wrote 3.1k words and i wrote 4.8k words we're so normal about Nocturnality in the chat today