#but idk what kind of jobs are at the end of that

[illicitghoul]

you’re instagram if you were in the BAU (p2)

prt 2 that nobody asked for 🥱 (this is so fun)

part 1 (linked below)

————————————————————————————

yourusername

liked by jen.jj45 and 46 others

yourusername JJ LOVE CLUB (i am also in jj love club but they all voted me to take the photo 💔)

pennycia and you did a great job 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

yourusername i love you pen 💌

pennycia I LOVE YOU MOST Y/N

derek.m0rg4n @spencer.re1d i love you

spencer.re1d Stop lying for social media clout

derek.m0rg4n fuck you AND your fuck ass haircut

prentiss.em LMFAO

prentiss.em we are such cuties some ppl wish they were us 🥱

yourusername @prentiss.em real asf

yourusername

liked by elliegreenaway & others

yourusername me and spence were conjoined jellyfish in another life

spencer.re1d Can we be anglerfish

yourusername no? wtf is wrong with you

spencer.re1d 🥱🥱🥱🥱BORING

r0ssi81 that is a very interesting photo

yourusername YOU KNOW HOW TO COMMENT?

r0ssi81 you’re pushing it girl genius

yourusername you’re pushing something…

r0ssi81 when i find out how to block someone you are gone y/n

prentiss.em this is quite cute y/l/n 😭

yourusername you’re quite cute 🤫

prentiss.em send me toe pictures 😂😂😂😂

yourusername NO EMILY!!!!!!!!! (ill email them)

yourusername

liked by spencer.re1d and 51 others

yourusername my cute glowing girlfriend (idk who that random man is 🤷‍♀️ kinda scary)

prentiss.em yeah that is really weird 🥱 anyway i love u wifey mwah mwah

yourusername ugh ily lets go frolic in a field or smth

spencer.re1d Yeah that is really scary - be careful guys

spencer.re1d OH MY I LOOK LIKE A GHOST 😁😁

jen.jj45 it’s like i can still hear his voice…

yourusername :( i miss his cute smile

prentiss.em 🎉

spencer.re1d @prentiss.em You aren’t funny

pennycia 😭😭😭😭

prentiss.em ok comedy police spencer reid????

jen.jj45 shes like an angel !!!!!!

prentiss.em I LOVE YOU JENNIFER 🙁🙁

yourusername

liked by aaron.hotchner and 37 others

yourusername i said serve and they devoured

spencer.re1d Slay !

prentiss.em y/n meant to say i devoured and you kind of chewed…

spencer.re1d Can you stop harassing me?

prentiss.em i kiss your girlfriend on days that end in y

yourusername TRUTH 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

pennycia what cuties!!! seeing their smiles makes me so happy!!!!!!

spencer.re1d You’re my best friend

derek.m0rg4n everytime you speak it breaks my heart

jen.jj45 HAHAAH WHAT

pennycia CRYING

yourusername

liked by elliegreenaway and 43 others

yourusername my bag broke before i left spences 🙁

spencer.re1d Sigh…. the theory for a broken bag means you have to stay where it broke 🤷‍♂️ i dont know i just heard that

derek.m0rg4n my bag broke in your heart… why won’t you let me stay

yourusername you ate with that one derek

yourusername broke bag mountain

elliegreenaway @yourusername LMFAO

pennycia i’ll fix it for you!!! come over girlie!!!

yourusername omw!!!!!

yourusername

liked by derek.m0rg4n and 49 others

yourusername day out with my four wives

pen : fanny pack with snacks and a book

jj : losing her mind (too warm)

em : complaining 🥱

me : having a good time :)

aaron.hotchner I hope you all worn sunscreen

yourusername yes 🫡

prentiss.em 🥱

pennycia i had a great day!!! (i read 3 pages)

jen.jj45 i am LOSING it the HEAT i am gonna COMBUST

derek.m0rg4n @spencer.re1d @aaron.hotchner @r0ssi81 could be us

r0ssi81 I am busy for the foreseeable future

dreak.m0rgan @spencer.re1d @aaron.hotcher

at least rossi replied…

#criminal minds #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #jennifer jareau #penelope garcia #aaron hotchner #david rossi #emily prentiss #derek morgan

[nereidprinc3ss]

BESTIE. I was just casually thinking about your whole dybmn series and now I’m wondering, as both reader and Spencer become more confident with their spicy dynamics, what kind of lover would Spencer become with her? New k!nks, maybe?, I JUST genuinely think that Spencer is so whipped for her that he would definitely use toys and anything else, not only to experiment but to get to know and find out about all of her secret facets.

I believe she would be his “creation” like he would be so proud to see her development in her confidence in spicy times like smirking all over as she does anything to please him and he’d be like “yeah, I created that” because I’M BITING MY PILLOW RIGHT NOW and gonna dig up a hole after this to hide myself because my thoughts are so hideous. Girlie, what did you do to me? I wasn’t like this. 😩

oh let’s discuss

18+ long ass rambling and things i think about A Lot ……..

in my opinion (which is not the end all be all everyone can perceive them however they’d like) reader and spencer definitely bring out more sexually adventurous sides of each other like they just have a shit ton of chemistry and for a while ithink spencer would just be easing reader into sexuality so nothing that crazy would happen aside from the power dynamics we see pretty much from the start. i think those would definitely get stronger and occasionally more variable. im not usually into sub!spence but i think there would be times he would definitely allow reader to have more control (i don’t ever think he’d be like calling them mommy lmfao) but aside from that i could also see him veering VERY rarely in a slightly harder!dom direction. like he’ll never hurt or seriously degrade you but in p3 reader says something about liking it when he acts like they belong to him and he was really into that. as the relationship progresses i think he would almost start taking more ownership of r’s body in a way, like obviously nothing is ever nonconsensual but he just knows you so well that it’s like… well he knows you better than you know yourself sooo you let him call the shots, but at his core i think spencer is forever oriented to please. he just wants to make you feel good, that’s always gonna be his goal, so he’s always going to listen and even if the power dynamic is weighed in his favor you are actually always the one in control bc he’d do anything for u lol

in terms of kinks…. idk, i never really see spencer as a super kinky guy? like he just knows too much about paraphilia and obviously sexual violence ties into a lot of his job so i sincerely doubt he’d find giving or receiving pain arousing beyond like slapping your ass or you scratching his back or whatever. love is always at the heart of sex for him and that’s going to be the most important part, he’ll never be able to see you just as a body. he’ll always see you as the person he’s in love with and there are things he’s simply not willing to do to the person he loves.

because of his trauma he’s super duper hesitant about bondage BUT i think he wouldn’t be completely opposed to very light restraints on you or him, he’d just have to be in a specific mood. i also never see him as being someone who’s super into toys because he’s such a luddite, he can barely stand having an email i doubt he’s going to have an extensive collection of sex toys. but he would so use your vibrator on you or make you use it on yourself in front of him again if he’s in a very specific mood

oh but YES he DELIGHTS in having defiled and corrupted you. idc idc im not accepting criticism on this. like he spoils you so much that you’re used to getting him whenever you want and so you’re not very subtle about it. if you get all needy in public and start draping yourself all over him and giving him looks and pulling on his sleeve because you want to go home he’ll fuck you in rossi’s bathroom because he wants to encourage your lewd behavior.

obviously he has boundaries tho and he has respect for you and the people around him like he won’t do anything that draws attention and he’ll only ever do things he knows he can get away with without anyone else noticing

later seasons spence also LOVES when you leave marks on him he thinks it’s cute how you mark your territory and he’s not at all embarrassed if there is a hickey above his collar at work. in his mind it’s like. why would he care about other peoples opinions on his sex life when they have nothing to do with it god i think about this all the time

anyway im sorry if this was disappointing😭 idkidk, thank you for asking about my thoughts tho bc i am always down for headcanons

#ramblings #asks

[beatcroc]

hey if you see this, can u draw something on how fp first battle went with peppino? Like I see you do a lot abt their normal relationship but it would be cool idk (also I’d love to see what fp chase form looks like in your style/headcannons ok bye)

i didn't make a comic about that because i didn't have any ideas for how to make a comic about that dgfhjfg. i DID however make a pretty detailed essaypost covering their immediate postgame the first couple days/weeks after the fall of the tower [my comics start taking place a around month or two postgame, for reference]. it goes into the fight a little bit, but honestly i don't really have anything to show you there that the game hasn't already presented; i feel like most of it is pretty straightforward.

peppino knows the drill for getting elevator keys by the 4th floor; fp is just another guy he's gotta take down. is it fucked up and freaky? yeah but he's already seen so much weird shit in the tower already he probably doesn't pay it much mind, and more importantly he's way too locked on killing pizzaface and saving his pizzeria to be able to properly process anything. fake pep didn't have a lot of context for all this but he did at least know he's supposed to be keeping people out of floor 5, so he was just. doing that. the 'you must be this tall' cutout on floor 4 seems to at least imply pizzahead knows where peppino is and what he's doing by floor 4, so maybe fake pep was given some kind of warning about peppino, but like ultimately fp is still just doing his job like the other bosses. and then like i guess he decided that that isn't worth getting beat to a pulp so in the end he just chases you out so you can have your key and be on your way.

anyway here's some old scraps for chase-mode-adjacent stuff

it's at least worth fleshing out the one i guess. i have no fucking clue what i meant by ''car'' though.

????

#my other car is a. clone #cant stress enough that steering wheel isnt attached to anything & has no function #i dont even know if peppino can drive for real all hes got is that shitty little moped #yeah whatever this one can go in tags i guess. #pizza tower #fake peppino #peppino spaghetti #arting #pizzaposting

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

musicians should make it a point to have daylight shows instead of only nighttime concerts, send tweet

#''but lu!'' you say. ''what about people with jobs!'' #to this I say: do a frickin saturday or sunday daylight show #it's more accessible for people with light sensivities of whatever sort #bc dark shows are going to have flashing lights. lighting design and production for concerts is an art form #it's an absolutely genius artform and one that I adore with all my heart #however it does end up being unintentionally somewhat hostile to those with epilepsy or other light sensivities #so the solution I think would be more daylight shows bc you don't have that kind of lighting there #like at the very least do A Daylight Show regionally?? in each area they're going to??? idk #like I know it would be more work for the musicians but what's doing one slightly different show/rearranging shows a bit #for someone who does that for a living #yknow?? #idk I just saw something about the eras tour movie and I realized that I don't know if TS ever does daylight shows/anymore #and it got me thinking about this #there are tons of people who can't go to concerts bc of the flashing lights. but if there were shows in the daytime wouldn't #that be better for those people??? wouldn't that be great?? #also I don't personally have any of these issues so if I'm wrong on stuff/anyone who does have experience with this wants to weigh in #please do I'd love to know if this would be helpful #Lu rambles #music #kinda #idk what else to tag this skfnskfja #epilepsy #light sensitivity

[gio-cosmo]

The p3r dlc really has me walking around Tartarus with the Junes theme playing in the background. What a time to be alive.

#“Gio did you seriously spend 200 dollars on the aigis deluxe addition and then pay 35 dollars for a dlc are you fr??’’ #“Gio they are practically stealing ur money away from you at this point what on earth are you doing’’ #IDK 😭😭😭 #nahhh I’m actually kind of broke now I’m getting worried abt my money supply ☺️ especially considering I’m still jobless ☺️ #I might be getting a job at a dishwasher soon tho 😯 #urgh I can’t believe people actually have to work….society…. #tbh I’ll probably end up backing out last second as always bc I don’t want to wash dishes :( #why would I wash dishes when I could be writing or drawing :( #urgh #agghhhh #persona #persona 3 #persona 3 reload #p3 #If I actually do end up getting the job (doubt) I genuinely bet I’ll last a week before either quitting or getting fired #like fr 😭 I’m cooked #I have the worst work ethic ever it’s actually crazy #HELPPP WHY AM I RAMBLING ABT MY JOB TROUBLES UNDER A PERSONA POSTTTT #LMAOO #I lovveeee oversharing on the internet 💕🫶 🎉 #anyways every days great at your Junes and whatnot #wish I could work at Junes smh #the junes theme song would make it bearable #BEARable haha get it haha bc teddie is a bear and teddies the mascot haha #persona 4 #p4 #persona 4 golden

[spectral-honey]

Civilian Tim au where hes one of those guys whose job it is to just try to break into places just to see if he can

#tim drake #batman #dc #hes good at lying and charismatic what can he say #the superhero community all end up knowing him cause they end up breaking into the exact places hes hired to find the security weaknesses #he doesnt rat them out but he does fix the security issues they use to get in #and the hero community is really annoyed but eventually find out that if you ask him and give a good reason he'll break you in himself #leaves a little backdoor just the right size for a timmy shaped person #also timmy inherently coming across secret info about the company cause thats the nature of that job and most of the time he just has to be #like 'i do not see it' and move on w his day but also drops a tip to the local heros when its something concerning #idk i just think hed be good at it #kind of a gray hat hacker type but like also with the physical place as well

[themyscirah]

This week's Outsiders fucked heavily imo

#anyways yeah i took it as a metaphor... #dont think it was the one intended because idk the authors views and also feel like theres a lot of personal opinion in my own #interpretation bc it plays into my haterisms or whatever but like. #idk dark multiverse duke had a point. batman is infecting everything and honestly going kind of crazy trying to destroy him is such a valid #response. like hashtag relatable we've all been there bestie #no but him yelling out to luke abt how hes gonna destroy batman he promises and then just the dimension or whatever those words were being #like 'its never the end' like true actually. it never ends #anyways no clue whats going on w the mystery stuff at the end (kind of the point) but 👀 #anyways good job comic for getting me engaged and sitting up in my seat after a mid start tbh #blah #not me making my entire post/review in the tags here instead of the actual post again rip #whatever idrc #dc comics #tuesday spoilers

[piplupod]

showing SOOOO much restraint by not asking about "well what does somebody do for coping if they are in an inescapable abuse situation?" and also for not getting upset when the dbt teachers say that [REDACTED] inescapable situation is a bad example to use for the DBT skill actually because it's too dark and sends the wrong message. hi um. i am in an inescapable situation currently. i would like some coping skills for that. and also maybe do not fucking leave out the dark stuff just because "oh nobody here would be dealing with that" :))))

#PLEASEEEE #''these skills are ONLY for crises which are SHORT TERM and END.'' okay but what does somebody do if the horrors DONT end.... #they also said some kind of stupid and not tactful shit about substance abuse being used as an example for everything #and im just. hey. if u say that about substance abuse. then ppl who are struggling w it in here are going to feel shamed. so thats great /s #(/s = sarcasm - not enough room to type it out in that tag sdfjkl) #THEYRE JUST SO STUPID SOMETIMES SORRY. i hate the hospital staff SO FUCKING MUCH. #and i LIKE both of these teachers. esp one of them is really nice and cool. but god. they are not professional enough for this #i could do such a better job of teaching dbt i swear to fucking GODDDD #maybe slightly hypocritical of me idk but i need to request that they dont talk about eating as an example of destructive coping mechanism #(to replace for an example since substance abuse is ''too heavy''. theyre also mentioning gambling and shopping too much as examples) #because that shit fucks me up to hear about fdsjkl i already struggle too much w guilt around eating Anything Ever so i dont need more fuel #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[thedreadvampy]

idk I had a very interesting therap today but I just

like it's all very well to recognise that I gotta have a fucking open-ended breakdown and jump face first into the Sadness Bog sometimes instead of sitting on all my feelings

but like

I still have to go to work, you know? it's like. ok yeah have a breakdown which like until you jump into it you don't know if it's going to last an hour or a year. yeah go ahead that's all grand. you do have to get up in the morning and go to work though. you're not allowed to not do that. or to not pay the rent or not shower or not eat.

like all my friends and loved ones are constantly like 'you know you're allowed to be sad right' and it's like. AM I??? because I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT.

#red said #the thing my therapist keeps pointing out is like. i got on this adulthood thing WAY too early #metaphorically i have Had To Go To Work In The Morning since i was like. 4. bc i am congenitally incapable of #Not Thinking About Consequences. and it's so important to be Good and Tough and Have It Together #but like. maybe if id done more crying and melting down when i DIDN'T Have To Go To Work In The Morning bc i was a Literal Infant #i might be a more balanced adult now that i actually DO. Have To Go To Work In The Morning. #what do people like. do. when they have to have feelings but also meet adult responsibilities? impossible. gotta choose. #i think it doesn't help that i already really struggle to work a full time job. like I'm already late basically every day bc i a night guy #so it's like. there's no give in this. maybe if i was back into a 3-4 day week? but idk if i can afford that #but also the work is only partly work. it's also like. having human relationships. eating. washing. being a person. #but idk. like. until i have some genuinely open-ended time i think I'm gonna always find it impossible to actually let go #i said in therapy it's like. like sadness specifically is like a thick muddy bog. and i can dip a foot in it #but bc i know i need to be able to keep moving #i can only stick a foot in and deal with a bit of it if I'm holding onto something. so in practise i can only cry #right before it becomes inappropriate to cry. so like. end of a therapy session. heading to a train station after seeing someone. #that kind of thing. it's a safety thing. #it would be much more effectively Dealing With to go dive into the bog and plough through it #but I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THAT'LL TAKE and i have to like. come out all muddy and deal with that #and there's always somewhere i gotta be soon. i can't just jump into the mud. not cause I'll get hurt i just Don't Have Time #anyway. feelings. how do they work. embarrassed about having them. embarrassed about suppressing them. generally just embarrassed.

[biillys]

oh ohhhhhhh ohhh wait. wait a fucking minute. listen. listen!!!!

flayed!billy and neil having an run-in a few days before The End. flayed!billy not scaring as easily, actually not scaring at all, compared to actual real!billy. turning right back on neil. except the mindflayer has a soft spot for his host becos the mindflayers fucked like that, so instead of just killing neil, the mindflayer decides to play with it's food for a bit.

real!billy doing his Thing and managing to get that one tear out. becos his dad may be a piece of shit but surely, surely, out of everyone, he would be able to figure out something's wrong. that billy's not billy. the desperation and the hope that maybe this is it, maybe this is only option, maybe making him just that little bit stronger. maybe him getting a 'dad, help, please' with a few more tears out before the mindflayer takes over again. but neil's a fucking coward at most and a piss poor excuse of a father at best, so he takes one look at billy crying, begging, and shakes off any doubt's and worry's, and treats him like he always does when billy turns to water under his weight.

he makes his voice harder, his grip tighter. his words crystal fucking clear.

and then flayed!billy is shoving him off, stronger than neil's ever felt him, and he's laughing, but not in a way neil's ever heard him laugh. and then he's turning to walk right out the door, camaro keys in hand, even though neil just grounded him for the entire fourth of july weekend, except he turns around just before he makes it outside, face completely blank and familiar, but neil's never seen this person before in his life, and says 'when billy and i have finished what we started, i'll come back for you.' and then he's gone.

and neil picks himself up from where he was crumpled against the kitchen counter, shakes himself off, and denies everything that just happened in the past 15 minutes. grips the bench to stop his hands from shaking, and promises himself that next time he sees billy, then he'll really let him have it. that just because billy thinks he's old enough to throw his own weight around, doesn't mean he's gonna get away with it under this roof.

except billy never comes home, and then it's the fourth of july, and neil and susan are trying to enjoy a nice dinner at home, a dinner that both their children were meant to be home for but aren't, but at least him and susan are having a lovely night. they enjoy it right up until the phone rings late that night, and then they're speeding to starcourt mall, and there's smoke and flashing lights and fucking military everywhere, and max is distraught, hugging susan like she's the only family she has left, and no one will tell him anything about billy except for a brief 'billy didn't make it, we're sorry for your loss.'

they won't let him identify the body. won't even release the body to be buried. won't tell him why all those people were in the mall after opening hours, what max and her friends were doing there. what started the fire. why there was fucking military clearing the scene. won't even give him a cause of death.

and every single time he closes his eyes, he hears 'when billy and i have finished what we started, i'll come back for you.'

he starts hearing it when his eyes are open, too, when he's trying to put together the funeral. when he tries to go back to normal life, back to his job, where his boss pulls him aside and gives him time off until his current family situation can stop effecting his work, back home, where there's no longer loud music shaking the doors, no car flooring it up the street, no fourth place set at the table for dinner, no shitty attitude and lousy excuses and brave backtalk.

everything's suddenly so fucking quiet.

so he fixes it. overcorrects. takes his sleepless nights and his workless days out on susan, is loud and brash and a constant immovable object. makes sure it's never quiet again. susan kicks him to the curb within a month, threatening police involvement if he doesn't leave quickly and quietly.

so, he leaves.

(then, susan and max leave for the trailer park, becos neil Left. and that's all susan will say on the matter. and then the upside down comes back with a new big bad, and max is right back in the thick of things in a way she never was before, but then suddenly billy's back. billy's alive, and he's back, and he's pulling himself with his bare fucking hands out of the upside fucking down before reaching around and helping her pull herself out and he's covered in blood and black goo and scars and injuries for days and, honestly, she probably doesn't look much better, but he's coughing and bleeding yet his heart's still fucking beating. and they somehow fucking found and saved each other.

and max is sitting by his bedside in hospital after every single surgery, and she keeps him company and puts headphones over his ears to listen to music and picks out the comic books that she knows he likes to read and she does her best to just never mention anything home related.

billy makes it a week after being back from the dead before he asks about neil.

'he left,' she says, because that's all that matters.

and billy fucking remembers. he remembers how hard he fought, how it took everything within him to overpower the mindflayer, even for those brief few seconds. how the only thing on his mind was this is it. this is my only chance. this is all i've got. and he remembers neil's eyes, wide, scared, fearful, but the second billy broke through, the moment billy shed a tear, fucking begged for help, his voice cracking over the word 'dad', neil went from speechless to loud. his eyes going from uncertain to cold. how the one time billy remembers asking his dad for help, probably the first time he's asked his dad for help since he was a kid, neil didn't even take even a moment to think about it. just took one look at him begging and crying, and steamrolled right over him, fucking sentenced him to death. all because he asked for fucking help.

billy closes his eyes and nods, doesn't think he could ever face neil again without falling apart for good.)

#idk what this is im very sorry!!!!! #anyway neil runs back to california before he even realises thats where he's heading #and ends up on billys mums doorstep #becos he always knew where she ran to when she left. he's not stupid. she never really fucking tried to hide. #and he tells her billys dead. because he may be battling his own parental demons and while she may have her own parental demons #they both loved billy in their own fucked up way. not a way he deserved but they're unreliable narrators at best #and he knows that hes the reason she left. and why she left billy too. #that of neil was a different kind of man; she would've tried to take billy too; but neil was the one with the job and the money #and she had none of that. she wouldntve stood a chance in court. #its fanfic and unrealistic so i can wholeheartedly say they end up back together becos unhealthy relationships + shitty coping mechanisms #obviously are the right choice to grieve your dead child. its the perfect midlife crisis. #anyway YEARS later when billys back in california and he someway somehow runs into them #and sees his dad who he still to this day blames for his death #and his mum who once told him that the reason his dad and her always fought was becos of him #together??? bro causes a fucking earthquake #im kidding hes just like. he was going so well and healing so good and max was so proud #and then he starts spiraling again. #okay enough from me again idk what this is im sorry #m #nqff

[opens-up-4-nobody]

hi so so sorry if this sounds genuinely deranged but I need to know did you write a fanfiction in like 2014 that was set during ww2 where zoro from one piece was sent to a japanese internment camp and sanji went to conversion therapy I remembered it recently because it blew my mind at age 13 and I had to reread it + need a kind of where are they now with the author so if that's you 1) what's your stance on the fic today 2) how much of the research was done during writing and how much did you just know beforehand and used as inspo 3) did you have any ideas for where the other characters ended up because I did always wonder if like idk chopper overcame the trauma of being in the war and also just what usopp's situation would be in general what with the political climate. once again. if you didn't actually write this fic so sorry this must look like the ravings of a crazy person. godspeed

Hi. Uh, yeah I did write that fic. I would have been like only 17 at the time. I did do A LOT of research, like the fic was basically an excuse for me to research Japanese internment and WWII history in general bc I thought it was super fucked up. I was absolutely hyperfixated on the topic and my parents probably thought i was nuts for my ability to talk at length on this particular area of history. I just finished skim reading back through the fic and woof. What a bleak fucking story. I was very cruel to everyone. It's frustrating bc I think it's an interesting and compelling idea for a story. But to me it feels like: here is all the research I did and also characters talking in what feels like a too modern way. Plus, I was 17 and didnt understand people very well. I wish I had the energy and motivation to rewrite it. Although, I forgot I used to do song lyrics at the start of each chapter and the tonal dissonance of Owl City lyrics at the top of a chapter of harrowing events around the time of WWII is unfathomablly unhinged.

#as for where r they now? i forgot the last chapter was like fuck u nothing matters life goes on sanji probably died of lung cancer #like jesus dude calm down. i think now id give them a bit of a softer ending #like i mean sanji still prob dying of lung cancer but he lives a long life with zoro and thry make the most of the time they have together #and i mean when u see horrific things in war i imagine its something u never really get over but i think the crew members that became #soldiers go on to live fuffilling lives and usopp finds a stable and relatively well paying job. gets married and lives happily ever after #god. its so frustrating to me that ill probably never rewrite this. it could habe been so good #but i just dont have thst kind of energy. i do think abt this fic more than almost all my other tho #im glad u liked it anon. its a fucking unhinged fic just from the perspective of: rural ohio teen wants to research a fucked up aspect of #ww 2 history and decides to write a fucking fanfic abt it. like bro what why. but idk weird weird times #there could have been themes and exploration of trauma and adversity. complex relationships. but no u get cringe written by a child #and now at the age of nearly 26 i am old and tired. christ thst was almost 10 years ago. i was a whole different human #weird the fanfics that stick with u. i have many i think abt from hs. wonder where the authors r now... #unrelated #i also forgot that in the authors nots i was like: if u r a n4zi fucking kill yourself. #which i standby but i was not expecting to see thst in the notes of a one piece fic i wrote as a kid good god

[yousaytomato]

please let work be okay today, I had so many weird interactions yesterday that I'm worried will come back to haunt me

#that's the thing with this job #is that if you do something weird/wrong #there's a very real possibility it will have consequences #but i dont think i did anything seriously wrong just small things #but like. a lot of small things. #and near the end this woman was asking me really intense personal medical questions about myself #and I just lied to her because like. wtf. #and i did another things that was kind of weird but. idk #like. it's not even that im worried about things I've done #more about the manager not taking my side in things if it came down to it #because she doesn't actually understand the job i do or what it's like to be out there. because she never does it

[arthur-r]

as usual i am up late into the night planning my future when i should be: getting a good nights sleep so that i even have a future!!

#i have work in seven and a half hours. so i should really be getting to bed #BUT i officially made my final definitive degree plan!!!! i mean not the actual classes but all the requirements i have to meet and how!! #(in order to earn: history and information science double major. with certificates in material culture and classics) #and i’m genuinely excited for every single class i have to take except for human-computer interaction #just cause i know it’s gonna get overly technical in ways that won’t quite apply to my future #anyway every single other thing i’m gonna do is very cool and exciting. so everything is good really #but i should be sleeping. and i’m not. as usual 🤧 #idk wish me luck!!!! i’m so hyped about my degree plan though #i’ll go into more detail another time. i’m very excited #ANYWAY goodnight!!!! can’t be so busy planning my future in library science that i DONT GO TO MY SHELVING JOB #kind of important to actually go to work for the library that employs me…. #and then i might go see a first-printing roget’s thesaurus!!!! or i’ll sleep. we’ll see #followed by lunch with GUY WHO IS THE WORST KILL HIM WITH HAMMERS #(there is nothing really wrong with me he just keeps kind of being mean to me and also expecting me to fall in love with him. but like #extremely passively and not manipulatively it’s just like. hey buddy you’re doing this friendship wrong….) #anyway then i have a class and after that i have an hour to rest. and then a phone call and then a lot of homework #(ten page paper draft due in a week and a half!! so it’s time to start writing the actual body of it) #and then i sleep for a LONG time and then work again on saturday. and then sleepover with somebody i have a crush on?? #and then be normal all day on sunday and do a little more paper writing. and programming homework. and whatever else #and then keep up with the slog for three weeks!!!! and all of a sudden it’s summer!!!! #projects left this year: material culture paper (entirely unstarted. but may research the thesaurus and just win!!!!) #history project (draft due the monday after next and real paper due a week after classes end) #one more programming assignment where i adapt my recipe doubler project (probably. it’s getting stupid at this point but it’s what i got!!) #and a programming test in two weeks and then the final a week after that. then no more programming #and then i just have my weekly latin tests and a latin final on may 5th. and then EVERYTHING IS DONE #ok i got this. sorry for walking through my schedule in the tags it’s how i remember what’s real #can’t believe my fucking partner just kind of walked out on me there hello???? like. we should be powering through finals together #but i’m genuinely better off without him so i guess it’s just whatever. trash took itself out or something?? #anyway. i’m so regular. and i have work in the morning. and i’m going to sleep #thank you world. goodnight

[plexippusangel]

I either need to accept that I am just a way stronger person than this friend and can handle way more while still being able to engage with the world as a person, or recognize excuses as excuses, accept that I am not valued and be done or. Maybe both. Idk. It might be somewhere between the two. I am just sick of regular life stuff rendering him unable to spend any time with me, and of him being unable to bear any of the details of my life, when I would move mountains to rekindle our friendship. Though I'm starting to wonder if I still would.

#faer personal files #i just. really didn't want officiating his wedding to be our last hurrah of friendship even though i did kind of feel it coming #also i'm really sick of being infantilized for my chronic fatigue i am a grown adult and i know what i'm capable of #ugh. maybe i'm just being awful and not understanding in which case i'm too much of a rancid person to be his friend i guess #but i don't think that's the case #idk i'll never forget when i couldn't see this dude for a year even masked up outside for covid but when another of our old friends came up #from her job doing COVID RELATED CROWD CONTROL FOR THE FUCKING ARMY he went on a hike with her mask off #and i think that says a lot about what our friendship's been for years honestly. if he can't bear my company idk why i try #if i'm just an interesting prop for conversations and occasions but not a friend. i can't accept that #i am an interesting prop for conversations. the disabled genderfluid bisexual genius who lost everything bc of said disability #but i didn't lose everything i just have to fucking rebuild on new ground. and i am doing that. i whine on occasion but i am so strong #and i do know how to interact with people without traumadumping i haven't on him in YEARS but his concept of me crystalized at age 21 #or something like that i guess. idk it just breaks my heart #bc for a long time he was my person. he was the only person who knew the authentic me. more even than my sisters at times. #and yeah that was a little unhealthy but at the time he craved that!!! #and then i grew up and stopped needing him like that around the same time he stopped wanting that and it should have been fucking fine #but like. even senior year of college when i was sick it was already starting to fall apart #like i remember being on a small hike once being exhausted and jokingly being like you gotta carry me back and then being like #no really i might actually need an arm to lean on by the end of this walk if i'm gonna make it back to the car i really don't know if i can #and he said no bc he didn't want to look straight. who the fuck CARES??? i could barely walk i was stumbling my way back annoying him going #too slow. fuck. and that really has been what our friendship has been for years. the minute my house wasn't the most convenient place it wa #more or less dead idk why i keep dragging this horse around #idk why i keep letting him break my heart like this it's so stupid he's never gonna care about me like he did when i was quick and brillian #but never quite as smart as him in his view. fuck him. i'm smarter. just bc i was a little gullible or paranoid at times bc of the #FUCKING CPTSD doesn't mean i was dumber than him. the fuck??? there's something wrong with me i swear idk why i hang on #anyway i'm irritated. but i'm also reluctant to throw away somebody who's seen me through key points in my life. so.

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

i think i've finally come to understand why i'm so bad at communicating with friends 👍 at one point or another i've thought i was in love with every single person i've ever been friends with (for the most part, at least) because i don't expect other people to like me. OBVIOUSLY this is not true but platonic feelings are not dissimilar to romantic ones (baseline they're the same: you want to love and be loved by someone) but i always end up realizing that i'm not in love with them, just that they matter to me very much and i wouldn't know what do to w/o their presence in my life. BUT this brings me to facet number 2 of my awful communication skills: i hate it when things Get Real. i find myself retreating any time it seems like Something Could Change in my day-to-day life due to them being around and "forcing" the change. i run away from talking to one of my only irl friends on almost a daily basis bc i dread the idea of having to do anything she might want me to do. i think, at the end of the day, my problem might just be that i don't want to change... ANYWAYS

#i actually think the funniest example of this comes from the irl guy friend i think i actually DO have romantic feelings for #i never used to have feelings for him but i always kind of nursed the idea of such a thing (as i said i think i could be in love with most #friends before i realize i'm not - but with him specifically i never had a moment where i realized i... wasn't?) also my previously #aforementioned irl friend kind of insinuated he might have feelings for me or we might end up with one another and now every time i think #abt him i think about THAT so. #anyways a few years ago he came by my house and picked me up and we got ice cream and talked for hours bc we have a lot in common #and he actually manages to keep in contact with me despite how hard it is (how hard i make it) to talk to me on a consistent basis lol #like we don't talk a LOT but he's also the one who convinced me to contact my former other irl best friend that i hadn't talked to in 6 yrs #anyways back to what i was talking abt from a few years ago... it was 4 yrs ago at this point but after the ice cream - i got a job #and we talked a lot - he took me and my irl bff out but she had a HUGE fight with her bf and he tracked her down and it was. a disaster #but after that they made up (lucikly she broke up with him not too long after lmao) but me and him were put in the middle of it #and anyways we went to the mall with the annoying couple LMAO but we broke off and it was just... really nice to be with him? #and then we went to walmart and rented a movie and went back to my irl's apartment and i tried to dye his hair in her bathroom LMAO #and it just felt really natural to be close to him and whatnot. we really get along and i really don't dislike him and i'm not NOT into him #but yeah anyways a few days later he messaged me and asked if he could pick me up from work but i told him no because at that point i was. #afraid. because i had a dream that i had kissed hik and he turned into rick sanchez and drowned LMFAOOO IT SOUNDS RETARDED BUT. #like i think the point of the dream was that if i showed him that i had some kind of feelings for him he would change or die or disappear? #i always assume the worst. but yeah the dream literally put me off so bad that i cut contact with him for almost 2 years #because i was afraid of him and i was afraid of my life changing #idk. maybe i should give it a try now. i'm still scared but you never know. #i at least wanna say 'thanks' for him convincing me to message my friend from 6 years ago so 🤷‍♀️ who knows

[maddy-ferguson]

i was so ahead of the curve the curve became a sphere is literally me i skipped a grade and now my friends from high school are done with school and are getting their first jobs and stuff and i'm in school with people who were born two years after me. like i lost three full years lmaooo

#but i'm not that mad or sad about it because i don't mind not working like AT A JOB i'm even considering going into academia which would #mean even more years but like we'll see because i will have spent EIGHT YEARS in university when i'm done since it's five years to like. do #anything actually do something. only three more years to go yay #year 1: depressed year 2: not as depressed but i failed the classes i needed to pass to do the thing i wanted to be doing so i was kinda #stuck but i didn't know what else i wanted to study so i was like. i'll just do this get through my three years and then i'll do something #i like better. because i could have theoretically. except. i did not love it and i wasn't particularly good at it. also was still depressed #for like the entire first semester and my first year i passed for like my first semester so during my second year i had classes for year 2 #during one semester classes for year 1 during another semester. it's actually easy but i don't know if that'll make sense the way i wrote #it. year 3 was 2020-2021 so covid and like i was saying the other day i was NOT working like i was kind of for the first semester but. oh #my god. my favorite class i learned like 60 pages like what we had to learn was 60 pages long and then you had to do like an essay or #whatever idk. no it wasn't even an essay but i czn't explain. i got like. a 3.5. OUT OF 20 #so i was like yeah i'm not doing this anymore this is obviously not working for me so for the rest of the year (oh yeah we had class online #fully from november to well april when it ends) i was like. rewatching grey's anatomy and whatnot. that's when i rewatched grey's. also ahs #my not working semester in 2021 is also when i watched dawson's creek! because that's when they put it on netflix. #fun fact #good times honestly? but yeah #also i think about some of the things i learned a lot like it's very good to know i'm glad that i know it #i Am bitter but it's for other reasons #and like i say: brf slt #rory dropping out of yale is kinda so me if i had ever dropped out😁 which is why her graduating on time is very annoying and boring. her #ass should not have graduated on time...