#but i'm just

[saltpepperbeard]

giggling kicking my legs twirling my hair blushing etc etc [x]

#OFMD #OFMD Season 2 #OFMD S2 Spoilers #Edward Teach #Edit #My GOODNESS he's gorgeous #Jaw droppingly gorgeous #I say like this is news hsdkshdljks #BUT I'M JUST #HIS BEARD AND HIS HAIR AND HIS EYELINER................................ #INHALES SO SHARPLY I POP A RIB IDK

[cynmixandhisfixations]

im so disappointed.

yk, i really loved niji en. luxiem and noctyx especially, before xsoleil came around, was my introduction to vtubers. the first vtuber i really watched i think was petra, but i never followed her.

mysta was the first luxiem boy i watched. that introduced me to vox, then luca and ike, then shu. through vox, i learnt about shoto. soon after, i learnt noctyx had just debuted, and they were having their propnight collab, where i watched sonny's pov. that was what got me hooked. that was the day i started following nijisanji. that's one of, if not the only fandom introduction i can vividly remember.

they didn't save my life or anything, at least i don't think, but i know i would not be here without them. this fandom, along with another that i won't name, was the ones that sparked my confidence to start writing fanfics. that was around the time, too, i started dedicating myself to my original works.

niji en was a fandom i felt genuinely safe in, and that only grew when xsoleil came around. some of my first fandoms were things like undertale, creepypasta, fnaf, mlp, genshin impact, eddsworld, hell, i was part of dreamsmp & mcyt's fandom for the longest time. i'm still into all of the aforementioned fandoms, except for dsmp/mcyt. basically, i've seen some shit. and i don't think i've, ever seen something this bad.

i never thought i'd see a fandom, a community, i love and cherished crash and burn so hard. and so fast.

i think i'm still in denial. i don't think it's really sunk in yet. i could just move on to hololive or vshojo, but it's not going to be the same. it'll never be the same. even if, by some goddamn miracle, nijisanji were to pull through this... it's never going to be the same. i've heard that even the JP side are wondering what the fuck is going on over here.

no matter how you look at it, anycolor is fucked. vox, elira and ike all have permanent stains on their careers, millie and enna probably aren't safe either, and god only knows what niji's gonna do to their other livers. it's gut-wrenching to watch this, and seeing how the fandom is reacting so violently as well...

it stings.

it really does.

#dokibird #nijisanji en #nijisanji #elira pendora #selen tatsuki #vox akuma #ike eveland #anycolor #nijien #long post #millie parfait #enna alouette #i have a lot of thoughts #but i don't think i could properly convey them #maybe i'll post about that later. #i dont know. #but i'm just #really disappointed #happy valentines day ig...?

[xxthefairywitchxx]

I feel Unsure if this is cool to post or not, but I'll post it now and delete it later if I must

Also prolly gonna be the last thing I upload for a hot minute, gonna be out of the house for a few days for hanging out with my best beloved friend ever

#my art #only the girl though #my edit #(?) #self ship #self insert #proselfship #proship safe #antis dni #safeship dni #something's wrong with sunny day jack #SDJ oc #SDJ self insert #I'll make an intro card for her eventually #but I'm just #so lazy #Sunny Days #She looks like the doesn't belong and honestly? I dig it #it looks cool like this

[delightful-69]

do you ever trying to avoid the fun things even tho you're sad, and you need those fun things to like, cheer you up? because you feel as if you won't feel better, and kinda scared that you would hate those fun things instead?

#i'm just #there is like...few things i can do to like...giving me a boost #but i'm just #kinda anxious now #why the fuck am i like this

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

Written by Russ Ballard

#ace frehley #frehley's comet #into the night #1987 #written by russ ballard #the original one is called in the night #but ace added 'to' #so his version is into the night #and an interviewer asked russ before about permissions to change things like that #and he said he doesn't remember permission being asked to change this one #but he was like 'it's just one word' #he doesn't mind at all #(have i mentioned that i love russ) #but i'm just #wondering though #ace WHY did you change the title #you're STILL SINGING 'IN THE NIGHT' IN THE SONG #WHY #why the 'to' #i want to know #i am curious

[ohnoaname]

It's my day off

But I have a lot of stuff to do

But it's my day off, I should be resting, right...

#I went for a walk #now I have a lot of things I want tot do or need to do #but I'm just #sitting on the sofa for the last half an hour at least #fuck #ohnotalking

[countbarov]

So, I've been thinking,

specifically about Buck and Eddie's writing, and I have some thoughts. See, if their stories pan out the most obvious way (Buck either mends things with Natalia or he has another cheating arc, while Eddie dates Marisol), I'm gonna be disappointed. Let me make this clear: I will not be disappointed *because* they're not together, but because of how badly written this is

Buck's been dealing with a lot of bad relationships lately, and at its core, this is what the couch metaphor is about. With or without Eddie in mind, the couch represents bad relationships. For him to repeat the same mistakes he has over and over, to jump into a relationship with the first woman that looks at him, to make the same mistakes over and over... It would make the couch metaphor fall flat

And Eddie is clearly not into casual dating. At all. He's choosing women in his life because of how well they get along with Chris - and that's fine. He's a single father and his priority is his kid, after all. I don't think it's wise for a man in his position to choose WITHOUT his son in mind. But in what way has Marisol proven to be a good parental figure up to this point? She's been in a grand total of one episode. And I like her - but we just don't know anything about her

For them to continue down these paths seems nonsensical to me. And again: this is not me necessarily hinting at a relationship between the two. It's just lame. Buck is caught in a whirlwind fling again, and Eddie decides that the love of his life is a woman he rescued once and met again at a hardware store

Why didn't Buck spend the entire season developing a meaningful relationship with a woman? Why didn't Eddie? Why do we get last-minute relationships that have two episodes each under their belts? Considering this was an uncertain time for the show, and how there was a non-zero possibility of being cancelled, this season finale is supposed to serve both as a reasonably good ending for the series while keeping the possibility of future plot threads alive

Would you be satisfied with Buck and Eddie getting last minute relationships? Would you consider it an appropriate ending for their stories? We know it's not, but this was supposed to be at the very least "good enough"

And this problem is for Buck and Eddie specifically. Other characters definitely get "good enough" endings this season. Hen gets to live comfortably with Karen and the father of her son is in his life again; Chim and Maddy are getting married; Bobby (provided he doesn't die, as many believe he could) and Athena have a much needed vacation. What about Buck and Eddie, separately? They hook up with the first woman they meet

Most of the characters are already past the "dating" stage, and are already transitioning their lives into the next phase. Buck and Eddie have been kept in a perpetual state of nothing

If the show so desperately wants to keep them apart, so be it. I don't watch the show just because I want them to be together. But I wish they did justice to these two characters, even if they're not together (as I am known to want)

Buck HAS seen development this season. The comma episode, the many times he's questioned his life choices, his sudden desire to be a father when asked to be a sperm donor, his death and eventual resurrection -- he's been through it. And it seems to hint towards him finding a way into the same "next stage" the others already are in. So why hold him back?

Eddie, on the other hand, is dealing with loneliness. For a character whose main flaw has been emotional distance, he has come a long way too. And yet he keeps his heart closed off to any woman who wants to be with him. But suddenly he wants to date again, and he finds Marisol, who couldn't have been any less meaningful to him as a character. We're supposed to believe THIS is it

Now, I know people blame the writers, but I don't. I don't think they're choosing everything that happens on their own. They're often told to get a certain ending, a certain character has to do X, things like that. So no, I don't chastise the writers or any of the staff behind the scenes for what's happening to the characters. But I chastise the SHOW itself, and anyone in charge of these decisions

I WILL watch season 7. I WILL support the show. But if things pan out in the most obvious way they seem to be, I will emotionally check out of Buck and Eddie's characters. I can't invest my energy into something I don't enjoy

#9-1-1 show #9-1-1 season 6 #9-1-1 buddie #evan buckley #edmundo eddie diaz #just a few thoughts I had #I'm disappointed but not surprised #whatever decisions led up to this moment were awful #I hope to be wrong for more than obvious reasons #but I don't think I am #my sister will probably see this and call me negative #but I'm just #tired #also I guess you can call this a short essay lmao

[millenniumdueled]

sorry I haven't been more active on my muses lately my brain is just. not. working.

#ooc #tbd #like #I have 0 reason to be in a bad mood #I had a great workout and a great lunch before work #but I'm just #seething with anger and depression and misery and I hate it I hate feeling like this I hate being so mean and angry and awful all the time #I've been trying so hard to just #be in a good mood #I need to think about plot stuff for Le and post about it and make her interesting #I wanted to have Yami post today and talk to friends and stuff #I want to have Mokuba tease his friends #but nothing is working my brain won't let me characterize anyone right or make any IC posts without just going completely blank #it's like I have an idea of something to post but then I go to post it and my brain goes completely blank and I k #know the information that I want to convey but I just cant find any of the right words and everything I try to type sounds wrong wrong wrong #I juat had to walk away off the floor to hide in the bathroom bc I got so irrationally upset that a guest asked me if these kids shoes were #for girls or boys and just stared at me when i said that kids shoe sizes are the same so anyone can wear them

[whimsical-westbrook]

(@wingsofachampion) Yippee! I'm super happy for you! -Tropius

I still don't know why this happened but now I can't even think of it as ruining my life

#I still don't know what to do about my apartment #or my belongings #or anything else #but I'm just #I'm so happy #rotomblr #pokeblogging #pkmn irl

[ink-stained-words]

desperately holding on to this strange feeling of like

almost feeling something

I feel like I could feel something again

like there are things and people that could make me feel vibrant & whole & real

I just need to find the right combination of them

bc things were okay for a little while, they actually really were

and I'm not sure what happened

whether I discovered that my bar for feeling real was depressingly low

or if those relationships changed to where they're not enough anymore, by themselves

but I need more. more people, more of a routine, more ways I'm interacting with the world

I miss working in the plant shop and having regulars that recognized me

and there's a part of my soul that desperately, desperately wants to be known and wanted

in a way where I don't feel like being happy or talking about myself just makes everyone annoyed or upset

but at the very least

I want to feel like I have my fingers dipped into the world

I want to feel like I'm not contained to this house, to a handful of people who recognize my face, maybe my name

I want to stop feeling so small

I feel so small

I keep getting shoved into a corner bc that way, I'm not taking up too much space

but the corner makes my legs cramp and I know everyone means well but they're hurting me. so fuck this

I want to lie in the grass, I want to buy groceries, I want to plan for my future, I want to meet more people, I want to love more people, I want more

and maybe it'll hurt some people

or make them uncomfortable

but I've been uncomfortable for my entire life and they. can fuck off, respectfully. they're not miserable. I am

I repotted some plants today

there's this spider plant that's always been pretty strong, since I took it off the parent plant as a little seedling

I got a sloth plant hanger for my birthday, and put the little guy in it, right next to the window

and it's grown so much, in the last couple of months

I found a new bright yellow pot for it, with much more room for all the roots it has now

I'm somewhere between trying to use the sunlight to grow & becoming too big for my pot

I want to be in something bright and yellow and big. I want to fill space and make people proud

no one's proud when I do it

they all find something to be upset about

but if I don't do it I'm gonna die, like all of the seedlings I've potted that didn't make it, that shriveled until there wasn't anything to save

there's a new plant in the sloth hanger now

I hope it grows just as well as the last one did

I have a meeting tomorrow, to discuss working in a chemical lab over the summer. it might even be a paid position

I don't know what I'll wear. I should do my laundry

but I'm so excited to be a part of something real again

to do something that matters

there's a trip I'm taking in a week, to see my best friend

he's turning 18 and graduating high school

I'm not sure when I'll see him again, after this. maybe not for a long time. we both have to save money

I'm not even sure if I'm excited for it, yet

probably because I haven't talked to him on vc in a while. a week or so. but in my defense it was a very long week, we didn't talk at all for a lot of it

so my brain doesn't really know whether or not things are okay

they will be

with him, in general

it'll all get figured out

but the most important thing has to be whether I'm getting stronger or weaker, plant analogy speaking

bc there's plenty of sunlight

I'm just shit at using it

#thoughts #writing #this is all over the place #but I'm just #I'm thinking #about the future #about how people seem to know how to care about themselves #even when other people don't #I miss feeling like people got excited when I was happy #I get excited for them? #but they never seem to be that proud of me #I miss feeling like I'm living an actual life #full of things #instead of just letting the tide carry me #and maybe that's a lot of life #but I want to feel like I'm at least feeling the rocks and sticks I pass #I want to remember how many trees I see #there's life and time and I'm missing so much of it

[mrcspectr]

I imagine Marc doesn't have a good experience working on teams (especially considering how awful the Avengers are to him in the comics). MCU wise I wonder what the history is there

Something I think about.. entirely too often is Marc's time as a mercenary, and how ingrained it is in his cycle of self blame and loathing that one of his biggest failures was in taking that last job. Because not only did it get Layla's father killed along with countless others that he couldn't save, putting him on the path of finding her, falling in love with her, and eventually lying to her. But it also brought him to Khonshu (well, to his knowledge, anyway), the god who manipulated him into killing countless others.

I think it would take an awful lot for him to ever want involve himself with any group uniting under a common goal, even if it is a somewhat noble one.

#sigh mercenary era #i stare longingly after you because i'm just so so curious #also sorry i'm speculating so hard at all these leaks i might not even be right #but i'm just #magnifying glass OUT #anonymous #asks #mk meta

[onrainynights]

only had like 300 calories today woops

#food mention #I've been hungry I've just. blah #making food is too much work when we don't have paper plates #we've been out for a couple days which was fine last night bc we had soup for dinner #so we just used bowls #but I'm just #so bad about eating outside of dinner meal time now #if I have to make it myself it's so hard to make it happen

[pearl-kite]

Just me, minding my business, and suddenly, idk, drooling into my windpipe and setting off a minutes-long coughing fit? That's new

#kite rambles #like #the kind of coughing fit you get when you accidentally inhale some spit right #but I'm just #I'm just sitting here #my mouth wasn't even open #where the fuck did it come from #I should like... track the days I ramble and the kinds of rambles and try to see if there's some kind of pattern #because sometimes I make myself wonder

[rayne-the-neutrois-nerd]

Watching a video about asexual and how the lgbtq+ treats us and such, and got hit with "talk to any asexual person and they will tell you they are incredibly kinky and horny" and I fuckin choked on my noodles yoU DON'T GOTTA CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS

#ofc they caveat that its not all asexuals bc yknow spectrum #but I'm just #that fuckin hit me man wtf #don't call my misery out like this

[travelling-on-the-octopath]

Ouchie

#s rants #like applying to a zine always means a risk of rejection #and yeah yeah it doesn't make me a bad writer #i have enough crumbs of confidence to know that #but I'm just #i dunno it seemed like a really small project so it was a little bamboozling to get rejected 🥴 #anyway. it's life #still. ouchie

[calcescarp]

I'M SO MAD THAT SWSH WON'T LET ME LOSE THE FIRST BATTLE AGAINST HOP........ let me let him win!!!!!!! he's been studying battles forever, he should not use growl 500 times!!!!!!!!!!! REALISTICALLY SPEAKING, HE SHOULD BE SOMEWHAT HARD TO BEAT EVEN WITH HIS TYPE DISADVANTAGE... he has a whole extra fucking pokemon!!!!!!

#yeah yeah i know #pokemon is a kid's game or whatever #i just think that characters should be consistent in their outerworld knowledge and their combat #and like from a video game perspective.......... #SHOULDN'T WINNING FEEL GOOD?????? #SHOULDN'T WINNING FEEL EARNED... #i already remember this game being stupid easy #they could have at least made the rival battles hard #AND LIKE I KNOW THIS IS THE TUTORIAL BATTLE I GET IT #but i'm just #i apparently have a lot of feelings about pokemon #help #HELP #rue plays pokemon #i must sound so stupid right now!!!!!!!!! skdnsksjdjs