#but i'm already pushing myself with the whole thing so might as well do it with this

[wongyuuu]

lens of ice | yjh | one

pairing: jeonghan x f!reader genre: figure skater jeonghan, light angst, a little fluff, smut in the next part word count: 12k summary: jeonghan has only one chance left to make it to the olympics. as he embarks on this decisive journey, you, a documentarist, are set to follow him as he seeks the ultimate glory. warnings: jeonghan is kind of reckless with his body a/n: i've been writing this one for so long now and though it's not finished yet, i decided to post half of it, as a way to motivate myself to finish it. i really wanna thank @ressonancee first for giving me idea and second for helping me through all of this and putting up my crazy ass mind 💓

part one | part two (final)

The light buzzing of the fluorescent lights made him uncomfortable, it was like a premonition of what was to come. Something bad, he was sure.

Jeonghan was many things in his life, stubborn perhaps being the most obvious one, but dumb wasn't one then. He knew that his ankle was fucked up, that he was probably the cause of it. Too many hours of training, never giving himself enough time to heal before he got the ice again. He didn't know exactly how bad it was, that was for the doctor in front of him to say, but Jeonghan knew that nothing good would come out of the man's mouth.

"It's worse than I thought," the man said with a sigh, taking off his glasses "It's not just your ankle anymore, it's also your knee. And, I could be wrong, but considering the way you're walking, I'd say that you're right ankle also started to bother you"

Jeonghan hung his head. He was an athlete and he knew that he was being reckless, beyond actually. He should have gone to his coach the second he felt a sharp pain in his ankle. But he just went home, took an ice bath, and kept the whole thing to himself. Even on the following days, when the pain didn't go away at all, he still chose to keep his mouth shut and go to practice every day. And his coach, unaware of his condition, kept pushing him during practice. 

Not that he needed anyone to be harsh on him, Jeonghan did all of that on his own. But having someone else do that for him as well brought out a different desire for perfection. One that came from a dark place to show someone else that he was good, to prove people wrong.

"Can I still compete?" was all he asked, it was the only thing that mattered to him "Can I make it to the Olympics? It's the last one for me, after this I retire"

The look on the doctor's face wasn't reassuring, Jeonghan knew that his next words wouldn't be the ones he wanted. He wasn't about to hear what he needed.

"If, and only if, you have surgery, take physical therapy seriously, and rest as we instruct you, there might be a possibility. Small, but it exists" 

"When can I have the surgery?"

You stared at your computer screen, a hand on your forehead as you read the email your boss sent you. You sat at your desk, not really knowing what to do.

"Seungkwan!" you called without looking up "Did you get this email too?"

Just to make sure that you weren't crazy, you read it once again. The third time in less than five minutes. No matter how many times you read it, it didn't change.

"Yeah. I'm excited but scared…"

That was enough to get your attention.

"Why?" 

Closing your laptop, you stood up moving closer to Seungkwan. Unlike you, who read the email many times, Seungkwan had already started his research. Not that he really needed to, everyone at the office knew that he was a huge fan of figure skating. So of course he would know all about Yoon Jeonghan.

The nation's pride and joy in figure skating, at least in the make category.

"Why scared? I thought everyone loved him"

It was impossible to look away from the picture Seungkwan had open on his computer. Jeonghan's face really was something else, as if he had been carved in marble by some ancient Greek artist. From his dark hair covering his eyes, giving him almost a mysterious vibe, to the way his lips were slightly crooked into a smile. You had to give it to him, the man was absolutely stunning. No wonder he left a trail of fans everywhere he went.

"He isn't the biggest enthusiast when it comes to the press. He barely gives interviews so I guess doing a documentary about him won't be easy"

Seungkwan kept scrolling, reading the latest news on Jeonghan. But the truth was that there wasn't any. His social media was also rarely updated, the last post was from months before.

"Well, good luck to you"

"What do you mean? You're the one in charge"

You just shook your head. The problem was Jeonghan honestly, you barely knew anything about him, though Seungkwan's words didn't help the case. The thing was that you barely knew anything at all about sports, in general, much less about figure skating. Lack of knowledge was an easy fix. The real issue was the fact that a documentary on a sport was way too different from what you usually did.

"I'm not doing this one. I have other projects I want to work on. Plus, this is too sudden. They want us to start tomorrow, Seungkwan. Do you really think that it's possible to have anything done by tomorrow?" he shook his head and you nodded in agreement "Precisely, so I'm sure that if we talk with Jihoon…"

"Nothing will change" 

A curse left your lips at the sudden voice behind you. Turning around you faced the small man. Jihoon had his arms crossed over his chest and the look in his eyes that told you that no matter what he wouldn't let you off the hook. Still, you had to try.

"Jihoon, I'm not your sports person. And it's too soon. I don't anything about Jeonghan or figure skating"

Jihoon simply shook his head at you.

"They want a different approach than the average sports documentary, so I recommended you. I'm sending Seungkwan with you because I know this isn't your area of expertise, though I highly suggest you do some sort of research" he turned around to leave with a wave of his hand then turned around for a second, as if remembering something "Hansol will be your camera and sound guy. They asked for a small crew"

With a salute Jihoon left.

"Fuck"

You couldn't take your eyes away from the crutches under Jeonghan's arms and the orthopedic boot around his left leg. There was not a single article that pointed to surgery. There were plenty about his constant injuries though. Seungkwan had the same look on his face, of pure shock. 

"Are you okay?" you asked once he made himself comfortable on the couch.

Jeonghan sat sideways on the couch, his leg propped up over cushions. The position looked weird but he didn't seem to mind.

"Ah, this" he pointed at his leg nonchalantly, as if it was the most normal thing "Yeah, it's okay. Had to get the surgery done in order to make it to the next Olympic"

Nodding, you looked around. His apartment wasn't as big as you had expected. In fact, the three of you stood closely together in the living room, a bit too small for all the gear Hansol said he needed.

"Put your things down, let's talk. I don't know how this is going to work"

Me neither, you wanted to say but kept your mouth shut. Thankfully, Seungkwan was there to help you.

"Before we start any real interview or conversation, I think we have to tell you that this was very last minute for us. We only heard about this documentary yesterday, in the middle of the afternoon" he used his kindest voice, his voice laced with concern and a hit of fear, maybe "yn is in charge, she's the documentarist, she'll be asking the questions and dictating the overall direction that we're going to take with the documentary. I'm Seungkwan and that's Hansol. This is the smallest crew he could assemble"

Seungkwan was giving too many explanations, you felt. But he also wasn't wrong. What he did was normal, he was just introducing the crew. Maybe you were a little irritated by the way you were tossed into this job, without someone giving you enough time to prepare. Sixteen hours were barely enough.

"I assume my… reputation has gotten to you," Jeonghan said, a small smile on his lips.

A reputation he had indeed. Jeonghan was known for not liking the press and journalists. He avoided them at all costs and once, on one occasion, was seen being rude. And honestly, you had to give him a pass for it. Pushing the camera away from his face, almost delicately, could barely be considered rude at such a moment. There were way too many cameras around, all of them on his face, trying to get some sort of pronouncement on why he had not made it to the podium. 

And that had been years before but people still remembered him by that one moment. But what exactly did they expect? He underperformed, came in fourth place, and injured himself in the process. Was anyone expecting a happy and bright Jeonghan? 

"You can be comfortable around me. A conversation like this is fine. I just don't like being swarmed" 

Though his words were inviting, his face told a whole different story. He clearly didn't want this documentary.

"All of our interactions will be recorded," you told him, not leaving room for arguments on his end "These first few minutes aren't, out of courtesy and so that we can set our goals. I need to know if you're uncomfortable with anything, or something that you don't want to be filmed, either right now or before we turn the cameras on. Once we start, we won't stop"

Jeonghan adjusted his position on the couch, his eyes never leaving you. It was like he was measuring your every move. He didn't like your tone, and how aggressive you were towards him. 

"I know this was last minute and I apologize for that. This is going to be my last run and, as much as I hate to admit, I'm a bit sensitive to it.

With furrowed eyebrows, you nodded. Jeonghan knew that you didn't believe him or that you cared about his reasons. He knew that the sole reason you were there was because someone made you. 

"Will you need to film my family?" 

"Yes, usually film family members to get a complete idea of someone's life" 

Turning around you nodded at Hansol, telling him to start setting up. With a shake of his head, Seungkwan moved to help him.

"I don't want my family to know the extent of my injuries. So if you only want them for context, to know about me as a child, that's fine. But they can't know anything about this" Jeonghan pointed at his leg "I've been hiding this for a very long time and I'd like to keep it that way"

You dropped your bag on the couch, eyes tired and mind filled with one too many thoughts. The day had been easier than you expected, far more so. 

Based on Seungkwan's words you had expected to fight with Jeonghan in a way. It was a documentary so you needed him to talk and talk he did. There was no question unanswered or dodged, all of his answers were precise and consistent. All of it had sounded fake like he had rehearsed them a million times.

Even if you thought that your question had been good, and had caught him off guard, Jeonghan seemed to be fully prepared for it. He didn't hesitate for a second. 

In the few hours you spent around him, you finally managed to understand the fascination most people had with him. He was handsome, yes, but that was just the very basic and surface level of him. Beyonce that he was also good with his words. It was hard to tell that he was lying because he talked with conviction. After just one interview you were sure that if one day Jeonghan decided to tell you that your mom wasn’t actually your mother, you’d somehow believe him.

And the man knew all of it. He was aware of his beauty and charm, of what it did to normal people, and he used it in his favor. Jeonghan knew that most people couldn’t resist a handsome talented man. And that was a part he was all too willing to fill.

“Yeah,” you answered your phone, not bothering to see who it was, certain that it was just Jihoon.

“How was it today?” he sounded just as tired as you felt and you couldn’t help but wonder if he was okay.

“Fine”

“Just fine?”

You turned on your back, facing the ceiling, or at least whatever you could see with the lights turned off - not a whole lot, to be honest.

“He lied through his teeth today. There was no manager, and no coach around, though I do remember him saying someone would come. The person never showed up” you sighed “Seungkwan hates and Vernon probably thinks I’m a crazy bitch. So yeah, just fine”

Jihoon laughed on the other side of the line and you felt the little butterflies in your stomach come to life. You rolled your eyes at yourself. How pathetic it was of you, to have a crush on your boss. How very much bland of you.

Growing up, like a lot of girls that were influenced by way too much TV, you had wanted the be the odd one out. The I’m one of the guys kind of girl, or the one who refused to wear any kind of makeup or even come close to the pink because that was just girly for you. And now there you were, in love with the color pink, finding excuses to wear pretty dresses, and having a crush on your boss.

Teenage you would throw eggs at your head if she had the chance.

“Okay, but how was Jeonghan?” Jihoon pressed even further.

You sighed and closed your eyes, covering over face with your hand.

“He was polite, answered all of my questions, had a pleasant smile the entire time, and only asked for a bathroom break while we were there. Offered us food and drinks. He was fine” you said again, emphasizing the fine.

You could picture Jihoon, nodding his head and looking at the floor, probably thinking of what to ask next.

“Why would Seungkwan hate you? And why would Vernon think you’re a bitch?”

“Seungkwan thinks I went too hard on Jeonghan and Vernon just trusts Seungkwan’s judgment and goes with it”

Jihoon laughed again and you heard him moving around.

“Classic yn, going at someone while she’s angry. At least your anger was sort of directed to the right person”

“What is that supposed to mean?” you sat up.

You liked to think that you didn’t act that way all the time. In your mind, most of the time, you were able to hide your anger and just play nice like your mother had taught you to be. Jihoon’s words told a completely different story.

“Have some rest, there’s still a lot of work to do. Tomorrow you’re going with him to rehab, right?” Jihoon paused for a second and you heard a female voice in the back, you couldn’t make out what she said but you were sure of who it belonged to “I have to go. We’ll talk next week”

The line was disconnected and leaned back on the couch again. The problem of having a crush on your boss was also the fact that he had a long-time girlfriend and soon he was supposed to be marrying her.

You groaned, wondering if you had gone far enough that there was no going back from this crush.

You sat across from Jeonghan once again, the position exactly the same as the first day. But this time you chose to be less irritable.

The other day you were frustrated because you had to give up other projects to be able to accompany Jeonghan and that, thinking rationally, had nothing to do with him. He asked for a specific documentary filmmaker profile and you were chosen by the studio. Maybe it was more your fault than his. But it was also a no-return kind of situation. The job was assigned to you and there was nothing you could do to change it. So the least you could do was do your best and pray that it didn’t take a turn for the worse.

And, if anything, the conversation with Jihoon helped you focus on work. It wouldn't be the first time you were doing something you didn't want to do and it certainly wouldn't be the last. So you decided that the best thing to do was just work, showing your professional side that had been left aside before.

Jeonghan looked at you the same way, eyes serious as if he was ready for a new attack.

"Thank you," he said to Vernon, who had just placed the microphone inside his jacket, so that he could pick up the sound well, but it was not visible to the camera.

You turned to Seungkwan and Vernon, waiting for confirmation from the two that you could begin. You received a wave from each of them after they checked that the cameras were on and recording.

You took a deep breath and turned to Jeonghan.

"I wanted to apologize for yesterday," you said "I wasn't fair to you. I was irritated by things that had nothing to do with you, but I somehow decided that they did"

Everyone in Jeonghan's living room seemed to hold their breath, you included. You didn't know what to expect from Jeonghan, not really. You had been anything but ungracious with him, in a way that to most people meant that any door between you two had closed.

Jeonghan decided, at that moment, that he had two options: a) he could let the previous day dictate how all interactions between the two of you from then on would be, and it would be many months of a bad relationship that would bring no benefit to anyone involved in it; or b) he could accept your apology, which seemed sincere enough, and let go of the discomfort he felt.

Option b was actually the only possible choice.

“Okay” he finally smiled “my reputation isn’t the best, either way”

Seungkwan and Vernon breathed a sigh of relief. It was as if a huge gray cloud had moved away and the weather was beginning to clear.

“No, your reputation had no influence. I was the one who lost my hand because of my problems and for that, I apologize” you said and you were sincere in your words “But Jeonghan, I need you to stop seeing me as your enemy. I need you to be honest with me.”

You hoped Jeonghan could understand what you were saying.

“You think I wasn’t honest?” he tilted his head as if analyzing you.

“In the same way that you don't want your reputation to affect the way I see you, I need you to not let the way you see other journalists affect the way you see me. I want to tell your story, however you want it told, but I need you to be honest with me.”

You hoped Jeonghan could understand what you were saying.

He was silent for a minute, his eyes fixed on his hands. His hair covered his face, so it was hard to get an idea of what was going through his head.

You looked at Seungkwan, seeking confirmation that you hadn’t been rude. He seemed to be as lost as you were, but the small smile he gave you was enough to make your restless heart rest for a second.

“What if I say something and regret it later?”

It was the first time Jeonghan looked insecure and it was a strange sight, but much more realistic than the other version of him.

“We can edit it, it’s not a problem. I said that because I was angry” you said apologetically once again.

“Can we throw it all away and start again?”

Jeonghan smiled and you had no choice but to smile along with him.

“Let’s start with what’s happening now,” you said, folding your legs under your body, notebook open to a blank page and a pen ready to take notes “You underwent surgery not long ago, right? Why?"

Jeonghan took a deep breath, eyes closed for a second before placing all his attention on you. His gaze was almost too intense. You had to force yourself not to look anywhere but at him.

“A few years ago I fell during training and twisted my ankle. At the time, it wasn't a big deal and if I had stayed quiet for a few weeks, and did everything right, I wouldn't have had any problems. But I couldn't do it, I was preparing for a competition. I didn't tell anyone about the problem and just endured the pain. When I participated in the competition I fell again and that only made the situation worse. Today I have a problem with my ligament and tendon.”

With every word that left his mouth, you felt like a lump was forming in your throat, and with every second it was getting bigger.

Unlike the day before, it didn't seem like Jeonghan was lying, but you didn't know if you wanted the truth he was sharing. Even if it was a lie, a character he had created, the version of Jeonghan from before was a little brighter, a little more present in the moment. The version of him that was in front of you, that you imagined to be the closest to reality, was almost sad, detached from everything.

“Because I forced my right knee a lot, trying to compensate for the lack of my left one, I developed a problem with that one too”

“You’ve never talked about your injuries before, right?” he nodded “Why talk now?”

He was silent again, his lower lip caught between his teeth. That was a great question, one that not even Jeonghan himself knew exactly how to answer.

“I'm not sure, to be honest” he laughed a little. Instead of looking directly at the camera, his eyes were focused on you “Someone came up with the idea at some point and it didn't seem like a bad one, but I think it will only work if I make it to the Olympics.”

“Is that the ultimate goal then, to get to the Olympics?”

He shook his head, that fearless, confident look you had only seen in photos finally making itself known.

“No, the ultimate goal is to win”

As promised, Jeonghan waited for you, Seungkwan, and Vernon outside the clinic. He was nowhere to be seen, really, but the car his assistant informed you of was parked right in front of the door.

You were the first one to exit your own car, while Seungkwan and Vernon prepared the camera to follow along. You could only assume he was the manager. Terribly young for a manager, sure, but a manager nonetheless.

“I assume you’re in” he extended a hand to you “I’m Joshua”

“Hi”

The exchange of words with Joshua was quick, no more than half a dozen. You didn't have much to talk about with him and he wasn't your priority, at least not at the moment. Later, at some other time, talking to him would be great. He had introduced himself as a friend/manager of Jeonghan. Having his point of view would be great and could contribute a lot, but your eyes couldn't leave Jeonghan.

His hair was tied back, but a cap covered much of his face. He had barely said hi to you or the other two. It wasn't a big surprise. While it was true that made up to a certain extent, you didn't expect him to simply welcome you with open arms, but his reaction was strange - or as strange as the reaction of a person you knew little, or nothing, could be.

“Can we film it?” You asked.

Jeonghan stopped and turned towards you. He had forgotten that you and your team would attend his first physical therapy session, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

Since the last time you saw each other, Jeonghan spent hours on end watching documentaries made by you and they all had one thing in common: they were almost like video logs. You followed everyone around documenting every tiny aspect of their lives. All those people told their stories and didn't seem afraid of having their lives exposed. And perhaps for people who didn't lead lives where they had been exposed too much, sincerity came easily.

For Jeonghan, that was never the case.

Being treated as the future, a promise of the sport, had brought a lot of harm and situations that neither he, nor anyone else, had the option to deal with or even, perhaps, ignore.

Cameras were pointed at him, rumors spread and suddenly he wasn't just Yoon Jeonghan, the boy who started skating because it would annoy his little sister. He became someone from whom people expected something.

As much as he could, Jeonghan tried to live up to all of those expectations, realistic or not. He tried to be as perfect as possible, on the ice and off of it. And it only took one day of silence, a few rude unanswered questions, and one bad performance — which had no real effect — for everything to collapse.

“You said you would film anything and everything.”

You grimaced, clearly regretful and maybe even a little embarrassed. It wasn't his intention, but he found your reaction funny anyway.

In your place, Jeonghan would have done much worse.

“Do you think it’s important?”

You nodded, perhaps more forcefully than necessary. Jeonghan laughed, he wanted to hold your head to make sure it was still in the right place.

“The documentary is about your return, so filming you here is important. I asked because it's your first session. I heard it can be painful.”

“It will probably be uncomfortable” he couldn’t deny that “Let’s do it like this, you can record it, if in the end you think it’s bad or that it doesn’t fit, we won’t use it

You quietly followed Jeonghan and Joshua out of the clinic, Seungkwan and Vernon trailing behind you talking in hushed tones. It was no surprise that they were talking. Truth was rehab had been brutal. You knew that it could get hard for Jeonghan, that it could be painful but nothing really prepared you for what you saw. And if it was hard for you to watch him go through that, it was unimaginable to understand how it was for him.

Throughout the entire session, Jeonghan looked in pain, his grunts and the scowl on his face growing with each passing second and new movement. Midway through you told Seungkwan and Vernon to stop filming. You had seen enough and you had more than what you needed for the documentary. 

You would only film his rehab again when he was no longer in such pain, you decided. Out of the many things you learned about Jeonghan was that showing his weaknesses wasn’t something he was too fond of or even comfortable with the idea of it. So there was no real reason to keep recording and you couldn’t stand it either. 

While you watched his face contort in pain, you felt something inside your chest tighten. 

It had never been a real issue before with you. You had always managed to separate your personal emotions from the things you felt while working. More often than not you told stories that were hard to listen to, took someone’s suffering, and put it on the TV for the entire world to see in hopes that maybe a part of their lives would be changed. You had always been able to detach yourself from that. 

However while inside with Jeonghan, such a thing was not possible. You felt your throat constrict and your eyes grow wet and for a short while, you couldn’t breathe either. It made no sense really. Why did it hurt to see this man, you knew nothing about, in pain to the point you wanted to cry? Why did it sadden you so much that he was limping harder than before?

You wanted to approach him, ask if he was okay, if it had been too much. But it was out of line, it was one that you knew you shouldn’t cross. There was this itch though, in the back of your mind, begging you to just ask, to just take a step closer to him. 

It happened so suddenly that you didn’t even see it happening. One second it was just the five of you in the parking lot, in the next there were reporters with mics and cameras pointed at Jeonghan. You noticed how Jeonghan raised his shoulders at the same time he lowered his head. He couldn’t see in front of himself, you were certain. 

Joshua put an arm around Jeonghan’s shoulder while he used the other one to keep them away from him. Not that it was of any use. One of the cameras was directly under his face as if trying to get an expression, anything at all, that could show his discomfort with the situation. From somewhere behind you there were flashes. 

"Do you believe your injury was a result of your own carelessness?"  someone asked. 

You felt your blood run cold for a second and you froze in place, Seungkwan and Vernon behind you. 

"Do you think your skating career is over after such devastating injuries?" someone followed. 

"Did you regret pushing yourself so hard during training, knowing it led to your injury?" 

"How did it feel to watch other skaters progress while you were stuck in rehab?" 

"Are you worried that your injury will define your career more than your achievements on the ice?" 

The questions got progressively worse and you wanted to scream at them to just shut up, and stop. How could they just ambush someone like that with those questions? It made no sense at all. And though you knew that it would cause more harm than good you wished Jeonghan would tell them all to fuck off.

Instead, he kept his head low and just slowly walked to his car while ignoring everyone around him, all the careless words being thrown at him. 

You tried to take a step forward but were held back by Seungkwan, who gripped the strap of your purse. He didn’t say a word, just shook his head. 

“They can’t just do that to him” you almost cried

“If you say anything, it might only make matters worse,” Hansol said, his voice sad. 

That sudden need to protect Jeonghan felt weird but oddly natural as well. Weird because you knew that you shouldn’t, because you hardly knew the guy. Natural because it felt as if you had always done that like it was just second nature to you. 

“He is used to this,” Seungkwan said, still not letting go of your purse. 

“He shouldn’t be! They are barely treating him like a human!”

By the time you turned around, Jeonghan was already inside the car leaving the parking lot. 

The clock on the top of your phone screen told you that it was 4:37 am. You hadn't even realized that you had spent so many hours still awake. 

As soon as you got home from the rehab with Jeonghan, you took a quick shower, ate the leftovers from the night before, and started to look up Jeonghan’s performances.

The man was a celebrity amongst athletes since he was a child. He was always seen as a promise of the sport. He was good from the start. Performing moves that he was still too young to do, entering competitions boys his age never really competed in and somehow managing to either come up to the podium or even winning some of them.

Everything was displayed online. Yearly competitions, practices, and small moments of his life.

Jeonghan's entire life, at least the sports part, was exposed on the internet for anyone, from anywhere in the world, to see. And it wasn't just the competitions, having videos of that part seemed completely normal and expected.

What was scary was all the other content. Some photos of him in school uniform, not one where he was actually looking at the camera, but ones that were clearly taken in secret. Another one from when he seemed to have simply gone out for coffee with Joshua.

You knew he had fans, that he was liked wherever he went, and that he was always followed, but that seemed a bit much.

In reality, watching videos of the competitions was like a gateway to everything that came after.

You knew very little about Jeonghan, only what you had read about in all the articles that you found and all of them had one thing in common: Jeonghan was a huge diva, who thought he was superior to everyone. But after seeing how he had been treated that day, as soon as he got out of rehab, you knew it wasn't like that. It was as if they had appeared out of nowhere, one second the parking lot was empty and the next it was full of journalists, shouting things and asking questions that to many would seem harmless, but were clearly intended to hurt.

Instead of watching more competition videos, not that there were many you hadn't watched yet, you decided to look for the famous video of him treating journalists badly.

You had never found one so easily on the internet. You just typed "Jeonghan and journalists" into the search bar and it was the first video to appear.

It was a scene very similar to the previous day. Jeonghan was in the parking lot, walking towards the guy when he was surrounded by several journalists.

"You didn't get the podium today, are you disappointed?" one of them asked and that was the most harmless question he got. “Did you really try hard or did you think you would get a high score because you were the favorite?” “Why did you fall in such a simple jump?” “Don't you think it was an amateur's performance?”

You didn't want to keep listening to all those meaningless questions, but you couldn't take your eyes off Jeonghan. He still had short hair at the time, even covering his eyebrows. His jaw was clenched, his eyes were hard, and his gaze was focused straight ahead, as he walked slowly to his car. Joshua tried as best he could to control the journalists with their microphones and cameras, but he was just one man against many. Finally, after what felt like ages, two security guards appeared, pushing the journalists away as they began shouting profanities in Jeonghan's direction.

Could those people even consider themselves journalists? Real journalists, who took their work seriously?

There is a very fine line between being a journalist who asks incisive questions and one who is completely disrespectful to the athlete. And those people were anything but professional.

It was no surprise that after that Jeonghan refused to give interviews.

That whole situation happened years before, at the beginning of the previous Olympic cycle, but even so, it was still a moment that haunted him. People remembered him as just that guy, someone who refused to answer simple questions. But what exactly did these people expect? That he was all smiles when he failed to reach the podium, even though he was the favorite in the competition? That he smiles when he hurts?

Finally, you managed to understand why he acted that way, and why his answers were so polite and direct. Jeonghan didn't want to leave room for interpretation. Not that he had much of a choice. People only see what they want to see, but that didn't mean he couldn't try.

Jeonghan couldn’t take his eyes away from your back, he followed your every move. You stood next to Joshua, talking to him quietly, his friend showing you something on his phone. He felt something scratch at his neck. This new and unknown feeling. 

It was unusual for Jeonghan, to want to have someone’s undivided attention. It was usually the other way around and he was never willing to do it, with anyone. And then there you were and suddenly he didn’t like that you were talking with Joshua. 

It wasn’t like you seemed to be having fun either. You moved around with intention, your eyes always focused, your words and questions firm and straight to the point. Jeonghan couldn’t help but wonder if it was always like that with you. If your professional persona always took over who you were in other moments. 

His curiosity was huge but his courage to ask was very little. 

“She may seem like it, but she won’t bite your head off if you talk with her,” someone said on his left.

Seungkwan stood at his side, his hands clasped in front of him while he rocked on his heels. 

“I think she will,” Jeonghan said. 

Seungkwan took his reply as an invitation to sit. 

“You know, in the office, people call her the ice queen” he too looked in your direction, at your serious expression "She’s like that most of the time”

Jeonghan looked at Seungkwan expectantly, he knew there was a but coming soon. All he needed to do was wait long enough. 

“She didn’t want to take this job, our boss forced her to. She’s more into storytelling, real people, with real issues”

“Am I not a real person?”

The offense in Jeonghan’s voice made Seungkwan almost fall off his chair. He didn’t intend for his words to sound like that.

“Of course you are” he laughed nervously while trying to explain it as best as he could “If it were up to her, she would focus this documentary on you, on how you started skating, why, what attracted you to it, how it affected the rest of your life. But your team doesn’t want that, I think. We were told that you already gave many interviews on the matter so there’s no point in talking about it again. They want us to focus on your recovery and then you make it to the Olympics. She’s trying to figure out how to do that in a way that makes someone watch it”

Jeonghan nodded, feeling guilty. It had been his request to not the documentary so focused on the past and more on what was happening in the moment

“She also doesn’t like sports and hated the idea of the job, but that's beside the point”

Both of them laughed, eyes still on your back now that you talked with Vernon, giving him new instructions.

“I’ll make sure that she gets to do the kind of documentary she thinks is best”

Seungkwan stood up, a big smile on his lips.

“Who could have known that the ice queen and the ice prince aren’t actually that cold”

After months of just rehab, it’s finally time for Jeonghan to get back on the ice and it pained you a little to admit that you were looking forward to it. The videos you watched could only take you so far, you wanted to actually see the real thing. Him, in action.

Of course, you know that he wasn’t going to be able to do a third of the things he did on those videos. But you wanted to see him in his element, how he would behave when he was finally around the thing he loved the most in the world — his words, not yours. 

The one thing you were able to learn from Jeonghan was the fact that he indeed loved what he did. Like most people, sometimes he hated it. It was the thing he was most passionate about, yes, but it was also his job, so there were days when he just hated and the mere idea of leaving the house was too much. 

It was too hard to be a professional athlete, it demanded way too much of him. Of anyone, really. Sometimes he wanted to be like everyone else and just not put everything he was into it. But if he did that, he lost one single day, he was scared that he could lose an entire year and maybe that year turned into two and then he could lose his chance to go to the Olympics. 

And he only had one change left. 

So, instead of focusing on much he didn’t want to do, Jeonghan decided to focus on the fact that there was only a year ahead of him and he would be able to do whatever he wanted and have as many down days as he wanted. 

He didn’t know what he wanted to do and what would be the after for him but it gave him something to look forward to. 

“Are you nervous?” you asked him.

Jeonghan was someone who was mostly quiet. You noticed that once he started to feel more comfortable he was one to start the conversation and even crack a few jokes here and there. Seungkwan had been the first person he kind of opened up to, which had left you a hint of jealousy. You wanted to be one he talked with mostly because it was your job but also just because. 

However, he had been especially quiet that day. The three of you went to meet him at his apartment. The idea was that you’d follow him the entire day, from the moment he woke up, to when he went to the doctor to get the final clear and then finally to the ring. 

He had talked very little, his eyes always focused somewhere else. It was clear that his mind was traveling somewhere far, far away. So you left him be, quietly watching him just move around. A silent shooting day, you told yourself  In the end, however, you had a job and he needed to do the talking.

“It’s been too long,” he said, his eyes never really leaving the ice “I don’t know if I can still do it”

You laughed, causing him to finally look at you, eyes wide on his face. He tried to look serious but the corners of his lips were turned slightly up.

“You just don’t feel confident, but you didn’t forget it” you looked at his ankle, it was still weird to see him without any sort of protection around it “How’s your ankle?”

He just shook his head and in that moment you chose to believe that he was said It doesn’t bother me anymore. 

Through the interviews, you found out that Jeonghan is the kind of person to suffer in silence. It was clear from all of his previous injuries, how he competed while in pain and only ever said anything when it was almost too late.

“Do you think I can still do it?”

There was something in his voice like he was almost on the verge of breaking. He sounded vulnerable in a way that was entirely too new, in a way you wanted to push Vernon and his camera away because that was a part of him you knew he didn’t want the world to see. 

Instead, you reached for his arm, patting it a couple of times, hoping that your touch, as ungraceful and awkward as it was, was able to soothe him, even if it was just for a moment. 

“I was watching some of your competitions last night, again, you know? And that guy? He’s still in there, I’m sure of it, I’ve seen him”

You weren’t just saying that to cheer him up, your words were true. You had seen that version of him, little glimpses here and there. He was in the way his eyes suddenly changed and it was like he owned the entire room, in the way he suddenly turned confident, in the way he was charming in a way that was almost sickening but all too enchanting either way. 

Whether or not he believed it himself, Yoon Jeonghan was a force to be reckoned with.

"What kind of kid were you?" you asked, looking up at Jeonghan. 

He sat opposite to you, bent down to tie the laces on his skates. His hair covered his face, you were sure that he couldn't see much, but he didn't seem bothered by it in the least. Maybe he had just gotten used to it. 

Four months had gone by since you started to follow Jeonghan and even before that, he had kept his hair long. And you hated to admit that he looked good, too good even.

"What kind do you think I was?" He smirked at you for a second before going back to his skates.

Rolling your eyes, you couldn't help but smile. 

"This is not how it works. I ask the questions here"

Jeonghan leaned back on his seat, giving you his full attention. His smirk did something to your insides. It felt tight and loose at the same time, like wild butterflies running around on your skin. 

"Come on, humor me"

You pretended to be in deep thought, Jeonghan as a child had been something you thought about for a long time now. Even though he was very serious most of the time there were these small moments where he looked like a kid ready to do something he wasn't supposed to.

"I can only think of you as a troublemaker” you smiled, closing your notes knowing well that you’d make no progress at all with the filming “I’ve seen pictures of you and a child and although you looked very cute, I’m sure you were a handful to your mother”

Jeonghan laughed, throwing his head back and in that moment he looked so carefree.

Even since the start of the documentary Jeonghan had used his most serious expressions, a frown always taking over his beautiful features. But he had been back on the ice for a few days already and in those days he had looked the happiest you had seen him yet.

Of course, he still hasn’t practiced the way he wanted or the way he used to. He still needed to take things slowly: fewer hours, less power in the movements. But it was undeniable that he was a completely different person.

It wasn’t that he had been in a bad mood every single day but there was just something about him in his element, of him doing something he was obviously passionate about, that was so enchanting that it became impossible to look away from him.

“Where did you see those pictures?”

“You do know that I had to google you because I had no idea who you were, right?”

One thing you managed to learn about Jeonghan is the fact that, if in the right mood, he is a trickster and most of all, a flit. You weren’t even sure that he was aware of what he was doing, it seemed like second nature to him.

He put a hand over his chest, faking being in pain. His face contorted and a pout on his lips.

“I thought we were getting to know each other”.

Seungkwan coughed by your side, finally making you remember that there were people around you and that the entire interaction between you and Jeonghan was being recorded.

There was something about Jeonghan that always seemed to make you forget where you were, that maybe there were people around you. You could only suppose that it was the charm of a man who knew exactly what he was doing, who knew how to sweet talk someone.

And Jeonghan knew what he was doing, what kind of words or looks could get a reaction from a woman.

Most of the time while around Jeonghan you had to remind your heart to be calm and quiet. Being around him was a temporary arrangement, as soon as the Olympics started said arrangement would be done and you’d have to go back to your normal life. One that didn’t include Yoon Jeonghan. And you also knew that there wasn’t space for you in his life.

“We’re going to set up the cameras around the ice,” Seungkwan said awkwardly while dragging Verno by the hand.

You watched as the two walked away from you, whispering in secrecy. You could only imagine the kind of things that they were saying. If you knew Seungkwan at all, you were certain that it couldn’t be any good.

“Jeonghan, I ask questions and you answer them. And while one could say that I’m getting to know you, I don’t think it would be possible to say the same thing about me”

Jeongahn's smile was defiant when he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You have a no-bullshit policy, which I should have known, from the start, but I wasn’t expecting someone like you. Although you try really hard to pretend that you’re not, your eyes are kind and you quietly take care of those around you, me included sometimes. You got worried when I was in pain in rehab and when Vernon got hurt it seemed as if you were angry, but you were concerned about him and after that, you asked to have another staff with you so that he wouldn’t need to carry so many things on his own. You and Seungkwan bicker a lot but when he isn’t around for a day you are quieter and your questions have been more direct. That doesn’t make you a lousy documentarist, please don’t think that I’m saying that, you take your job very seriously. I’m saying that you put people above your job. I’m guessing that’s why you wanted to become a documentarist, to begin with, to tell stories”

You stared at him, mouth open wondering just how he had come up with all of that and why he had managed to hit everything right on the stop. Especially the reason why you became a documentarist. It seemed very obvious, yes, but it wasn’t something that you had said.

In fact, your personal life was something that very few people knew. You weren’t one to share your thoughts and what was on your mind with people. Seungkwan was a good friend, but he was a work friend so your personal life was just that, personal. Not that you had someone to share it with, either way.

The apartment was empty when you left and it was in the exact same way and you got back. You were on your own, with no parents, no siblings and most of your friends had given up on you somewhere along the way.

For the longest time, you put your job first. It came before anything and anyone. You were building your career and name at the time so it was hard not to put it first. It was your dream, one that your friends supported at first but were displeased when you decided to put it first.

You had thought that if you made it big on your job if you got hired by a big production company, you’d be able to find the happiness that you had searched for a long time. And while some of it was true, your career was on the right path and you did something you loved, you didn’t have a lot more beyond that going one.

It was become just you and your job.

Was it sad? Yes, but it was also the life you chose.

“Just because I don’t know details of your life, doesn’t mean that I don’t watch you, yn”

You watched as Jeonghan fell for what felt like the hundredth time that day. It didn't make sense, not really. At least not for you. And from the looks of it, for him too.

He was frustrated and completely angry. All those people looking at him, expectations high, waiting for something. He wasn't sure what. For him to fail? To see if he still could do it?

Everything was possible and impossible at the same time.

He couldn't stop his eyes from going after you every time you fell. Somehow, your reaction was the only one that mattered to him. The first few times your face was completely emotionless, as if you were staring at a blank wall. Then Jeonghan fell once again, and again, and again. He stopped counting at 10, but he knew it was much more than that actually. But your gaze, which was fixed on him, became more worried as the minutes passed and he hated being the cause of it.

Somehow, since he met you, only two things were on Jeonghan's mind: skating and you.

He didn't know how, he didn't know why, but you had taken over his every thought. It was as if you had walked through an imaginary door and entered his mind and decided that it was a great place to be.

Even on days when you didn't see each other because there was no recording, he was tempted to talk to you. And on one of those days, he just succumbed to the temptation of picking up the phone and calling you.

“Jeonghan, is everything okay?” was the first thing you said.

He hated that worry was the first emotion he awakened in you. He hated that the first thing you said wasn't "hello" like a normal person. But at the same time, the concern made him feel somehow welcomed. It could, of course, be all in his head, and what he saw as concern for himself was actually concern for the documentary.

"I just wanted to talk," he admitted.

Maybe it was because he had gotten used to talking to you, maybe it was because you offered zero judgment for the way he thought or reacted. Or maybe it was because it was you. Whatever it was, Jeonghan felt comfortable talking to you.

Telling the truth, about everything, was not difficult, in fact, it became something very easy. It was because of you, he knew.

"I realized I don't know anything about you"

You laughed and he listened as you moved through what he imagined to be his apartment.

"That's because I interview you and not the other way around"

He sat on the bed, his legs stretched out in front of him as he supported the rest of his weight on his arms stretched behind him.

"Do you think it's so bad that I know anything about you?"

You remained silent for a few seconds, seeming to think about the idea. It wasn't bad, not at all.

At several moments you found yourself with your cell phone in your hand, ready to send a message or call him. You weren’t sure what, but there was something about Jeonghan that just made you want to tell him everything.

"What do you want to know?" you said with a sigh.

"Whatever you want to share"

The great truth is that very little happened in your life. You lived alone, worked every day, and came home alone. Your last boyfriend, or even a fling, was over a year before. Your friends, if you could call them that, were all from work. Your life was quite still and dull. Even if you wanted to talk about work. Jeonghan was your job. There wasn't much to talk about.

"I don't think I have much to tell" you knew that what you were about to say wasn't the happiest topic in the world, but it was what you had to offer "My mother passed away when I was nineteen, since then I've been alone"

You could still clearly remember the day your father left. There wasn't a fight. He never packed his bag and left. One day he was there when you woke up, he gave you breakfast and took you to school, like he did on most days. But it was his job to pick you up and he never showed up. Your mother showed up instead, her eyes swollen as she did her smile to smile at you and explain to the teacher why she was so late. When you finally got home she said "Now it's just you and me. Daddy had to leave"

For months, years even, you waited for him to come back. You thought one day he would just appear in front of you. You were disappointed when it was your mother who showed up to pick you up when he didn't come to his birthdays when you called the number he had left with his mother and he never answered.

You waited until you turned 18 to go after him. You only had a name, but with that alone, a person can find everything on the internet. You found him in another state, working at a real estate agency. You sat down in front of him and talked for about half an hour. You made up a story about going to college and needing a place to live. You said your name and your mother's name several times, surname and everything, and at no point did he seem to connect one thing to the other. Until the last second, when you said you would think about renting the studio he had suggested, and he walked you to the door. He said, "I left for a reason, don't come back here."

You couldn't believe what you had heard. You couldn't understand why he left and why he never came back. But at that moment you decided that if he didn't want you, you didn't need him. Your mother had worked so hard to make sure you had everything you needed.

Exactly one year later, your mother died in a bizarre car accident. It was like being 7 years old again and losing another person, only in a much more painful way.

"You don’t have any siblings?" Jeonghan's voice on the other end brought you back "Relatives?"

You shook her head, even though you knew he couldn't see you.

"I was an only child, so no siblings. My mom was an orphan so relatives either. My father left when I was a child"

You and Jeonghan spent the whole night on the phone, talking about everything and nothing. From trivial things to more personal matters. His delight upon learning that you didn’t have a boyfriend didn’t go unnoticed. 

Calls and messages became commonplace between the two of you. Your heart raced every time a new message arrived and it was hard to hide your disappointment when you realized it wasn't from him. On days when you didn't see each other, you would stare at your phone, waiting for it to ring, waiting for him to call.

So you hoped he understood when you shook your head in his direction, a request written on your face. That's enough for today, you can try more tomorrow, you hoped he would understand.

Instead of trying one more time after he fell once again, he skated to the edge of the ice. His face was red from the effort, and his chest rose and fell in an uneven rhythm trying to force air back into his lungs.

"I want everyone out," he said, his voice broken.

Seungkwan and Vernon didn't even question it, they simply started putting away the equipment. Jihoon, who had shown up unexpectedly to "supervise" didn't seem to understand what was going on, but turned to help Vernon.

Jeonghan's coach was the only one who approached him, his hand on the athlete's shoulder.

"Go home, rest. Tomorrow we try again"

Jeonghan shook his head. He would only get out of there after managing to make the damn jump, even if he had to stay the whole night.

"Just half an hour more, but I want to be alone"

The coach clearly didn't like the idea, but he knew it was stupid to try and make Jeonghan change his mind.

You turned to him, looking at his face, trying to figure out if he was in pain or if he was just being a big blockhead. Without giving yourself the luxury of thinking about what you were doing, you placed your hand over Jeonghan's and squeezed for a second. You hoped he understood what you meant.

"You have to rest"

You knew everyone was watching, that despite saying they were leaving they weren't actually moving. Jeonghan didn't seem to care and for a moment you decided not to care either.

“Stay,” he said softly, so only you could hear him “please.”

Some strands of hair were stuck to Jeonghan's face, you wanted to get them out of his face, but caution spoke louder. You looked over your shoulder and everyone was still looking at the two of you, but as soon as they noticed your gaze they started moving again. Seungkwan shouted “We’re leaving” and seconds later the door slammed.

Finally, you were alone.

“You have to rest,” you said again.

You took advantage of the fact that no one else was there and removed the strands of hair stuck to his forehead, tucking it behind his ear. Jeonghan sighed, his eyes closing as he leaned towards you. Just that little touch wasn't enough.

“I need to get it right”

"If you stop now and rest you will know what you are doing wrong"

A half smile shined on Jeonghan's face as he leaned further into the barrier, his face just inches away from his.

"My ego loves it when you say I'm doing something wrong”

You pushed him back, needing a little bit more space to yourself. He was too close, you could feel his breath on your nose and cheeks. It was suddenly as if the world was made of Yoon Jeonghan, it was just him and no one else. 

“I’m sure your ego will be just fine”

Instead of pulling your hand back, you allowed it to stay in his chest. Jeonghan smiled for a second before pressing his hand over yours. 

“Just another 30 minutes” he repeated what he said to his coach “I promise I’ll stop in precisely 30 minutes”

You nodded with a sigh. There was nothing you could do to stop him. Something told you that even if you threatened him to leave he would stay and practice, he would stay on the ice for far more than just 30 minutes if you weren’t around. 

So you sat down and waited for him. And he fell time and time again, his face growing displeased with himself at each passing second, each time he jumped but didn't manage to land. 

Jeonghan had done that same jump countless times before with ease as if one's body would simply perform such movements. To him, it always seemed as easy as walking. You had seen it in all of his videos, almost in trance by him. 

“If you’re not done in twenty-one minutes” you pretended to look at your imaginary watch “I’m taking you out of there by force”

Jeonghan threw his head back, laughing. 

“Remember when you said that you never skated before?” Jeonghan asked after finally being able to breathe properly again.

You weren’t too sure how, but he had stopped after 30 minutes. A big smile on his face after he managed to land the jump after so many tries. After getting it right once, he didn’t get it wrong again. It was like something clicked inside his brain as if he had found the last missing piece of the puzzle.

Of all the things you said to Jeonghan, from the most personal to the most trivial, that was, by far, the only one you regretted. You had told him over the phone but he looked horrified, it was easy to imagine the wide eyes on his face.

But him standing there, in front of you, with a smile that could only be seen on the face of a mischievous child, said much more than any words he could utter.

“No,” you said, shaking your head, already moving back.

You had learned several peculiarities about Jeonghan in all the months you spent by his side, and one of the most glaring was the look in his eyes when he was about to do something he shouldn't.

“You have to try, at least once” his lips were a mixture of a smile and a pout “You will have the best teacher in the world”

You saw it and shook your head again.

“I can’t trust a teacher who spent the day falling” you pointed to the rink behind him.

As soon as the words left your mouth, you regretted them. You didn't know if your words would offend him, you hoped he knew it wasn't your intention. But you also knew that hell was paved with good intentions. Jeonghan was silent for a minute, his face serious, his eyes not leaving yours for an entire minute.

Then he smiled, his nose wrinkling a little as he laughed, loudly. It didn't take long for you to join him.

“You’re evil,” he said, trying to control himself, but failing “This way you’re going to break my heart”

“I think there are few things in this world that can break your heart.”

You would definitely be one of them, Jeonghan wanted to say, but he held his tongue in his mouth. He knew he couldn't say that, he knew that any word said wrongly could simply ruin everything he had built so far. If he could even say he built something. He liked to think so.

From the first time you spoke, Jeonghan knew there was no going back, at least for him. He had never done anything like that. He had never called someone in the middle of the night simply because he wanted to hear someone's voice. And in this case, it wasn't just someone's voice, it was your voice that he wanted to hear.

With each passing sentence, Jeonghan found himself falling more in love with you and he wasn't able to say why. Maybe he could blame it on your eyes, always so focused, but somehow when they turned to him, they seemed so sweet and sincere. Or your voice, which gave orders and asked incisive questions, but as soon as the cameras were turned off it became gentle and almost shy. Maybe it was the fact that you seemed like a lioness when you were working, never giving space for unfounded questions, but you were shy when it was just the two of you alone.

He liked this version of you, who was right in front of him, who seemed completely comfortable with him, to the point of making jokes — something that until that moment you hadn't done yet.

“We always have extra pairs in the back, I'm sure one of them is your size” he had made sure you would, with Seungkwan's help of course “And then we try it, what do you think?”

Even though you were shaking your head, you went to the closet where you knew the skates were stored.

With your knees bent and shaking, you stepped onto the ice and immediately regretted giving in to Jeonghan's will. You didn't know how he had managed it, but in the closet, there was a brand new pair of skates, your size. Jeonghan had smiled as he bent down to tie your shoelaces,

“I’m going to fall flat on my face,” you said as you grabbed the bars.

Jeonghan held your face in his hands, your eyes fixed on his.

“I won’t let you fall”

The way the words left his lips made your heart skip a beat, or maybe several of them. You could feel it on the back of your throat and you could swear that your hands shook a little as you accepted the hand Jeonghan had extended to you. 

You wished it could just stop. Not for your heart to stop beating altogether but for it to stop reacting to Jeonghan. Everything changed after that first call and you weren’t too sure of where it was. He had, someway, somehow, become a pivotal point of you. His voice, his eyes. The way tingles started to run down through your body the moment his skin came in touch with yours. How, despite all odds, he made you feel safe in a way you weren’t too sure you had ever experienced before.

When he said that he wasn’t going to you fall, you believed him so you held his hands — strong enough that you were sure were hurting him but he didn't seem to mind — and allowed Jeonghan to pull you into the rink. 

“Don't move your feet” he said, voice ever so sweet but with a slight hint of teasing “I know it's probably hard, but let me take control here”

Forcing out all of the remaining air inside your lungs, you did as he asked. Instead of keeping your focus on the ice under your feet, you kept them in Jeonghan's face. A mistake, of course. 

His eyes were too intense if you could say that. You didn't want to understand what was happening. Perhaps for the first time since you met Jeonghan, you didn't want to understand what it could mean. You were scared. What, exactly, you weren’t sure.

“I didn’t even have to ask you to look at me,” he said and you laughed a little, automatically looking away “Keep looking at me”

The whole experience of skating for the first time, or being guided, was not being registered by your brain. All you could see, think, feel, was Jeonghan, as if he had become a central point of everything.

“I think we should stop here”

You hoped your voice was loud enough and judging by the look on Jeonghan's face, it was. The smile fell from his lips and it was as if a small light in his eyes had gone out.

You hated that you were the one causing that reaction in him, but you knew it was best to stop everything before it went too far.

"I thought that…"

“We can’t blur the lines that much” you shook your head.

You didn't know exactly who you were trying to convince, him or you. You also weren't sure you had to convince yourself of anything. It was as if your brain had split in two. One part, probably the loudest, wanted you to just let things happen. You knew you weren't doing anything wrong, you weren't doing anything much really. What you did outside of your working hours and who you did it with was your problem and no one else's.

But the other part, one that spoke softly and that should have had much less strength, said it was dangerous, but also didn't offer much reason to be dangerous.

Yet somehow, that was the side you chose to listen to.

"Why?" He asked forcing his feet to the ground, making the two of you stand in the center of the rink. “What line are we blurring?”

You shook your head, hands clinging to his waist as you felt your feet begin to slide.

“I don’t know” you whispered in response “We are working”

Jeonghan leaned forward and pressed his lips to your cheek. With a sigh, he let his forehead fall onto your shoulder and closed his eyes.

You didn't know exactly where your skepticism came from, but you were also sure it wasn't completely unfounded. But truth be told, you wanted to blur that line and any others that might appear along the way.

“Go on a date with me,” he said “If you still feel that way, there’s nothing we can do. Just don’t… don’t stop something that hasn’t even started yet”

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#k-labels #svt smut #seventeen imagine #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt x you #jeonghan x reader #yoon jeonghan x reader #jeonghan x you #yoon jeonghan x you #jeonghan #seventeen fluff #jeonghan imagines #yoon jeonghan imagines #yoon jeonghan #svt fluff #svt angst #jeonghan smut #jeonghan fluff #jeonghan angst

[angelltheninth]

OKAY BUT WHAT IF MIGUEL WAS THE VIRGIN?!

Omg Anon, your brain! Thank you for this!

Paring: Miguel O'Hara x Fem!Reader

Tags: nsfw, smut, virginity loss, size difference, a bit of teasing, growling, praise, gentle sex

A/N: Why do I find the idea of a virgin Miguel so appealing?

Virgin!Miguel might be a virgin when it comes to his cock but things like fingering and oral sex are something he knows a lot about. He's done these things before but... well... he's always been very self-conscious of his size. Even if his previous lovers told him it was fine he never wanted to hurt them so he never really lost his virginity to anyone. You will be his first, the only one to ever get his cock.

"I don't think I'm very skilled in these things. I'm sorry but I've only had a few partners before this and it never went this far. Just looking at your pussy is... are you sure I'll fit in there? Of course I really want to, I'm as hard as a rock for you. But what if you don't like it? What if I'm too much? Take it slow? I can but... you need my cock now? You're a needy one."

Virgin!Miguel is indeed as hard as a rock for you but your next orgasm he would rather have you come all over his abs. So he does give you his cock, not in the way you'd expect though. His girthy dick slides over your clit, slow almost teasing pace to make you push your hips upwards. When you're about to come he presses down on you with his whole body, your cum rolling down his cock and abs when he moves away. He might be a virgin but he knows what you want.

"Sorry if I teased you. You gotta understand that it's the only thing I can offer you with confidence right now. When I see how cute you get, how much you want it, want me, want my cock to make you come I can't help myself. Looks like you're ready. Spread your legs please."

Virgin!Miguel shakes a little when the tip of his cock pushes inside your pussy, it's unlike anything he's felt before. All those toys he has and none of them could ever compare to the real thing. He knows that now. Might as well just throw them all away because now he has somewhere so much better to put his cock into. Although he has a pretty high libito so if you want to be his new toy you're gonna have to deal with his hard cock a lot.

"Fuck. Hold on, stop, I need to stop for a bit. Are all pussies this good or are you special? I don't think I'll be finding out any time soon cause I could get addicted to this one. I'm not even properly inside you and I already feel my balls tightening. Are you on birth control? Okay, so you won't mind if I come inside."

Virgin!Miguel comes hard as soon as he thrusts a few times. He thought that all the masturbating he did would prepare him for the real deal but apparently not. He's doing his best to fuck you through his orgasm in an effort to give you your. A lot of cum is pushed out and then back in as he slots your hips right against yours, his lips curled and teeth showing, little grunts and growls falling from his mouth

"Thought I'd last longer then this. Yeah, I'm a little embaressed, wouldn't you be if you couldn't last longer with the prettiest girl in the world? Are you sure those orgasms earlier were enough? I'll be hard again in an hour so I fully plan on making it up to you. What do you say pretty, will you help me with my endurance training?"

#miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o'hara #miguel o’hara imagine #across the spiderverse #spiderman across the spiderverse #miguel x reader #miguel o’hara smut #miguel smut #marvel smut #spiderverse x reader #atsv x reader #atsv imagines #miguel o'hara imagine #miguel o’hara #spiderman 2099 smut #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #marvel x you #x female reader

[sweet-as-an-angel]

Ghost & König w/ an S/O who Wears Glasses

Warnings: Brief mention of sex, No pronouns used for Reader except for 'You', implications of violence (not towards Reader), wholesome content on the whole, etc.

Ghost

If you can't see jack shit without your glasses, this man is relentless.

Hides your glasses where you can't reach them if he's bored and looking for amusement.

Won't do this if there are any dangerous obstacles around, though; he's not a monster.

He is, however, cruel (on occassion).

"Babe, have you seen my glasses?"

Ghost, wearing them , knowing full well you can't see them: "Nope, sorry. Want me to help you look?"

Knows what actually annoys you, and will make a concerted effort to not do that.

Won't just randomly tear your glasses of your face and be like: "WoAh, ThEsE aRe StRoNg! HoW cAn YoU wEaR tHeSe EvErYdAy? HoW cAn YoU sEe ThRoUgH tHeM??"

Gets mad angry if someone else does that to you.

Especially if it's someone you don't know, either well or at all.

He will straight-up snatch those glasses back off them and give them a Glasgow Kiss (or a punch; he'll try and avoid a migraine, if possible).

They're the ones who will be needing glasses by the time Simon's done with them.

Ghost thinks your glasses make you look really attractive :-),

Thinks they make you look intellectual and refined - like "A hot teacher."

"...What do you mean by that, Si?"

He may ask you to keep them on during sex :>.

He thinks they make you look that hot.

He obviously thinks you look just as attractive without them, though <3.

König

In a similar vein to how Ghost thinks you look like "A hot teacher," König thinks you look "Cool" when you put your glasses on: "Like Clark Kent and Superman!"

Gets excited when you put them on, so he'll basically always have them to-hand in case you ever ask for them.

Need them to see when you wake up in the morning? BAM, König's got the case in his hand right now.

He also keeps track of all your other belongings, too, for the days when you lose your glasses and need a really specific thing and can't find it because everything's blurry.

"Köni, please would you pass me-"

"Here's your notebook, laptop, pastel highlighters and a snack. Was there anything else, my love :>?"

Is constantly aware that your visual impairment may affect your ability to gauge distance.

If you get new glasses or are getting used to contacts, he'll keep you close to him until you're able to get used to the new adjustments.

If you're outside in a crowded city or somewhere similar, he'll have an arm around your shoulder all the time, using his immense height and build to act not only as a force field, but a deterrent against others who might come too close to you.

He sometimes gets a fright when you take your glasses off because he thinks you're a different person for a few moments.

Same as when he's drunk and trying to push you away because "I'm already taken~" not realising it's actually you just trying to get him home before the sun rises.

"Come on, champ, let's get you home--"

"No! I'm going home with (Y/N)!"

"I am (Y/N)!"

If he's anything, it's loyal, and, though a bit of a hindrance to you both getting home, you find it massively endearing :-).

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)

Masterlist Masterlist [Continued] Masterpost Modern Warfare AI Masterlist

AO3 Wattpad

#simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #konig x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x you #konig mw2 #konig headcanons #mw2 ghost x reader #konig x you #konig call of duty

[justporo]

Office Hours

Author's Note: This - this is finally the promised wizard smut with Professor Gale Dekarios. I've written this as a fill for Kinktober Challenge. Please enjoy, while I go bury myself. I'm so excited to hear your feedback, because writing this was daunting. Happy Halloween!

Summary: You took up a PhD project under the infamous Professor for Wizardry Gale Dekarios but you also have a huge crush on him. Stuff getting a little heated at a party could almost ruin your future though. Things between you and Professor Dekarios are tense from there on out - until you go to confront him about it. (All characters are over 18!)

Pairing: Professor!Gale / Fem!Tav (You) Rating: Explicit Warnings: explicit sexual content! Wordcount: 8,2k (I'm so sorry...)

~~~

Another shot of tequila was placed in front of you.

“Bottom’s up, love!”, Astarion cheerfully exclaimed and clanked his own shot against yours. You drunkenly turned your head towards him. As always when you went for a night out with your best friend, he kept putting drinks (and a reasonable amount of water in between) in front of you while he barely seemed to get drunk.

“We’re not even bothering with salt and lem-lemons anymore?”, you drawled sluggishly. It was time to stop soon as long as you were still able to remember what you were doing.

Astarion didn’t even reply just kept swaying to the beat of the current song blasting through the club and clinked his glass against yours again to make you take it. And so you did.

You both threw your drinks back and shuddered when the liquor ran down your throats. “You’re really pushing me tonight, Astarion”, you screamed over the loud blasting music.

“Yeah well”, he shrugged as his eyes wandered back to the dancefloor and the hunk of a man he’d been dancing with almost the whole night – at least when you hadn’t danced with him.

“It’s not every day that my bestie has to celebrate that renowned PhD position with the infamous Professor Dekarios, is it?”, Astarion screamed back at you.

And it was true, it most definitely wasn’t every day. Because not only did you get the approval of the prodigy professor who was famously known for being strict and very demanding to be your supervisor. But you were the only one he’d taken on for a PhD project since… well, since he was in the position to do so it seemed. he’d t

But you had thus far always excelled in his classes. You’d been the very role model student during your time here.

And sure, you had worked your ass off for it, but it was well worth it. A finished PhD under a prodigy such as Gale Dekarios of Waterdeep would open you every door in the wizarding world.

It might also have helped that you had a huge crush on Professor Dekarios. The way this man spoke passionately about all things Wizardry and Weave had captured you from the very beginning. Just how his whole demeanor changed when he started talking about his research and how passionate he became. The way his eyes lit up when he got to talk about his work.

And then also: how he absent-mindedly let his hands wander through his hair when he was thinking about how to word something. How he let his thumb wander over his bottom lip as he intently listened to one of your questions and praised you afterwards for how clever it had been.

It was safe to say you had found yourself daydreaming about what else that man could do with that eloquent mouth of his more than once. Or how it would be if he praised you for more than just your smartass little questions.

“You know he’s here tonight, don’t you? Since it’s a faculty party”, Astarion kept on yelling into your ear, already grabbing the shot glasses to go get more.

“WHAT?”, you screamed – and this time it was clearly audible over the music in the club. You stared at Astarion in shock.

“Love, it’s your faculty and you brought me here, might I add. Shouldn’t you know about this kind of stuff? I saw him when I went to the bar”, Astarion yelled back with a mocking grin. Then he was off again with a naughty wink to get new drinks.

He was right. He was actually a history PhD student and had nothing to do with your wizarding studies. And still he always seemed to be better informed about these gossipy bits of information.

You gulped when you were reminded of what kind of revealing dress you were wearing tonight – black, short, low cut waterfall neckline. The thought that Professor Dekarios might have seen you in it and how you had danced in it – it scared you and excited you at the same time.

The fact that you were already solidly drunk definitely meant that it was leaning more towards the latter.

And then, sure as all Hells, you saw him: Professor Gale Dekarios walking into this part of club.

He looked a little out of place with his slacks and shirt-sweater combination – totally dressed for teaching, grading and researching and not for going down at the club.

Dekarios walked over to some people standing in a loose circle – people you realised now were other faculty members. You watched him intently – noticing the little details while you were drowned by increasingly unhinged thoughts. You saw that his shirt wasn’t neatly tugged in anymore, one hand was casually in his pocket while the other held a glass of red wine nonchalantly by the rim – letting it hang by his side. Sometime during conversation, he absent-mindedly dragged his hand through his hair. He always did that when he was deep in thought or having one of his passionate scholarly monologues during a lecture.

For all the scholarly nerdiness (and sometimes cute awkwardness) this man possessed – he was effortlessly sexy when he felt relaxed it seemed. And man, were you down bad for him.

You were still staring at Dekarios’ butt – that actually looked formidable in his slacks - when Astarion returned and slid another drink over to you. He saw how absent-mindedly you were staring off into the distance and tried to figure out what you were looking at.

When he did, a feral grin split his face: “Honestly, I’d fuck him if given the chance.”

“Astarion!” You whacked his arm as you were ripped out of your stupor.

“Don’t act like that, sweetheart, I know you would get on your knees so quickly for that man. I’ve had to listen to your horny yearnings for two years, remember?”

You blushed because he was right – as he sadly mostly was. The shit-eating grin stayed firmly on Astarion’s stupid face as he looked at you

“Yeah, as if anything would ever happen”, you simply retorted then, not wanting to indulge your friend’s insolent behaviour any further.

“And yet you keep wearing sluttly little outfits to all his classes”, Astarion drawled and his eyebrow twitched while he called you out. “I do believe even wizards have eyes to see what is right in front of them – even though it’s mostly just books.”

“That coming from a godsdamned history student is really low”, you replied and left it at that.

You were not having this conversation right now. So you settled for whacking Astarion’s arm again - which made him hiss at you that he hadn’t even said anything anymore -  and then grabbing the drink he’d brought you, downing it in one go.

“Maybe instead of calling me out you could double down on your other best friend duties and go dance with me again?”, you suggested after suppressing a shudder from the downed alcohol.

Astarion just replied with grinning at you and stretched out his arm in an elegant gesture towards the dancefloor, motioning you to get going then.

You went and danced, having even some more drinks while doing that. That man built like a massive tree eventually joined the two of you as he had been dancing with Astarion before. He introduced himself as Halsin and told you that he was a visiting researcher – only staying for a little while at your institution.

You exchanged some small talk per screaming while on the dancefloor. But shortly after it was back to your best friend Astarion and him dancing and eventually even making out with each other.

You didn’t mind at all – in fact you were happy Astarion seemed to enjoy himself. And you happily let them have their space and just let yourself be taken by the music.

You swayed and rocked to the beats, lifted your arms and rolled your hips – enjoying how good the movements made you feel.

A soft buzz coming from your hip and the tiny bag swinging there made you look at your phone after a while. It was Astarion.

“Gonna leave with our new friend if that’s ok with u? Wanna make sure he remembers his time here well!”

Gods, even after a night out with lots of drinking Astarion was still wasting time on being eloquent.

“Go get it bestie”, you simply replied and grinned at yourself. You were already excited to hear about it afterwards when you next up with Astarion for a coffee or something.

You received one more text from Astarion asking you to text him when you got home safely. You agreed with a quick text and then went back to dancing.

All the booze you’ve had was giving you the confidence to keep going on the dancefloor even though the club was finally emptying bit by bit. The songs played were less popular now but therefore more enthralling and so you let yourself get dragged along by the music.

Until you opened your eyes and saw that you were being watched. And not by just anyone.

A bit off the dance floor Professor Dekarios was sitting on his own now in one of the leather seats there, his legs spread. He was holding another glass of red wine, carefully placed on one of the armrests. His other hand was at his chin – motionless though. You could see his single earring glint in the flickering club lights. His one side of hair was fanned out around his head.

He sat there like a statue – just very intently staring at you, giving you an immediate feeling of being stripped bare before him. He wasn’t even reacting to you catching him staring.

At least that was what you thought. But then you noticed the prominent bulge between his legs, straining against the fabric of his slacks.

Your lips parted in silent surprise and you immediately felt how your nipples hardened and rubbed against your dress in arousal. You gulped and wet your lips while your whole mouth suddenly felt overwhelmingly dry.

When you looked up again you saw just the slightest sparkle in the eyes of your observer.

And that – probably in combination with all the liquid courage you had consumed tonight - was enough to get you going again.

Knowing the audience, you then began to dance again – putting in even more effort than before: fluid motions, making your hips roll more prominently, dragging up the skirt of your dress just a little too much as you turned around to give him a view of your back.

You let your hands wander up your front when you turned around again, deliberately letting them linger on your breasts and squeezing them as you dragged your hands up and feeling them softly jiggle when you let them go again.

When you looked at your watcher you saw how he had leaned forward slightly in his seat now. Bulge now even more prominently outlined against his pants if that was even possible. His thumb wandering over the bottom lip of his open mouth as he watched you – just like he did when you asked an incredibly smart question in one of his courses.

You were feeling feverish and heedlessly aroused, probably dripping wet too. The thought of just sauntering over and sitting on his lap and pushing your boobs in his face crossed your mind as you turned around again to give him more opportunity to stare at your ass.

And when you turned around again…

The spell was broken. Someone had come over to Dekarios and engaged him in conversation. You saw how he had awkwardly placed his one arm over where his testament of arousal was probably still clearly obvious. He didn’t acknowledge you with a single glance anymore.

And you felt like someone had poured ice cold water over you. The heat of desire and lust quickly replaced with the heat of burning shame. You felt cheap suddenly and very self-conscious. At least the club was so empty now that mostly anyone else wouldn’t have noticed – or they’d been way too out of it to care.

You stormed off the dancefloor and out of the club, already regretting how you had it let come to this. Hoping you wouldn’t have just ruined everything you’ve worked so hard for.

Six months later…

Stuff had mostly went backwards and downhill from that party night on. Although Astarion had congratulated you and while he had wheezed and applauded you when you had told him about what had happened after he'd left. But you had barely been able to eat up your shame to resume attending Professor Dekarios’ lectures. Your keen sense of duty being the only thing that forced you back there after you had allowed yourself to miss a few classes because you wouldn’t have been able to handle it at all.

And when you had finally managed you had been smitten with completely being ignored by the man itself. He rarely acknowledged you anymore in his lectures, brushed over your questions and avoided you at every cost. That meant barely any eye contact, not even when he had to speak to you in public, no communication on your research project whatsoever and he mysteriously managed to never meet you walking around campus.

You had felt guilty and afraid at first – fearing that at some point you would just receive a formal letter that told you that you and your appointed studies were dropped without further notice.

But when that didn’t happen, you couldn't also help to feel at least a smidge of anger whenever you thought about it: obviously you had been trying to commit yourself to forget what had happened and start working on your research project. Why did he have to insist on making it awkward?

You wouldn't bring up the topic, certainly. You were prepared to just act like nothing ever happened at all – even if you would remember it every single time you looked at the man. Forever reminded of the shame of that moment; but also: the desire he had looked at you with and the lust you had felt for him.

But you'd be lying to yourself if you didn’t admit that you were mostly just majorly worried. Not only because of how he was behaving towards you in public but also because of how it impacted your project. Not once had you spoken about your planned research.

So you had started on it alone. Spent countless hours researching literature, trying to find the right focus for your project, marking off topics and theories. You had worked on your exposé for the last couple of months now – once you had gotten over the fear of just being dropped like a hot potato. And you had sent it in weeks ago and not received a single shred of feedback. Which meant that, despite being pretty sure that you did good work and put in the necessary thought, finesse and care to let it live up to Professor Dekarios’ standards, you were worried sick that you wouldn’t be able to go anywhere with it.

You really feared that what you had thought first after the party had become true: you fucked up your once in a lifetime chance at breakthrough research about the Weave. And on top of that you had ruined your relationship with someone you deeply admired.

But recently shame and guilt had mostly subsided to allow feelings of rising anger. You came back to the thought of how ridiculously he behaved: if you were an adult about it all you would have hoped he would be too. If he would even talk to you at all – you’d take being screamed over this horrible silent treatment any day.

And after sulking in your own misery for way too long, you found it was time to confront him finally. You probably wouldn't exactly be the bigger person about it - but at least you wouldn't be the one running away.

When the next date for his office hours came around, you threw on some of the nicest clothes you had. A low cut blouse and faux-leather pencil skirt you knew your ass looked amazing in - at least Astarion always whistled and affectionately slapped your butt anytime he saw you wearing it.

You knew you were absolutely pushing it but that was exactly what you wanted: forcing this godsdamned prodigy wizard to man up and either tell you off for good or just... settle the unfinished business. Either way would be fine for you by now, you just wanted to be out of this limbo state.

You made your way over campus to his office, in your head already riling yourself up to be appropriately angry when you confronted him. Stomping over the university grounds while you imagined countless scenarios and outcomes and already felt good about your decision to finally take action.

But your righteous fury hit some bumps quickly.

The first thing that took you aback was the small sticky note at his office door telling anyone to just come in and that he'd be back very soon.

This was almost enough already to take the wind out of your sails completely. You had hoped to throw open his door dramatically and scream at him to either give you proper feedback on your exposé or just stick it up his godsdamned wizard arse.

You swallowed and tried to retain your anger as you opened the door.

You had only been to his office a few times before you had taken up the PhD project.

It was beautiful, a dream for anyone who was in love with magic and books and studying: the walls were lined with dark bookshelves and loads of magical trinkets, just anything imaginable. Even though dark wood dominated the room it wasn’t gloomy but rather cozy and welcoming.

The eye was quickly drawn to the huge wooden desk centred at the back with a huge window behind it. Stacked on it were books and papers. Dekarios believed in being old school when it came to his studies and work, you knew as much.

You were in awe - and absolutely jealous.

"Hello visitor, Mr Dekarios has just gone out to get coffee", you heard a voice from somewhere behind the desk.

You were only shortly confused because the voice quickly turned out to be Tara, Professor Dekarios' tressym that lived with him, when the gentle beast jumped up on the desk. Only once before had you had the pleasure of speaking with her - she was truly a gentle and very sweet soul.

"He will be back sho-. Oh, it's you!", she said and interrupted herself. Her long fluffy tail started swish-swishing behind her while she sat down on the very middle of the desk. Her yellow cat eyes observed you cautiously – but not unfriendly.

Your brows furrowed. You couldn't believe though that the small creature would actually remember you from just speaking with you once.

But it seemed the tressym had read your mind on that because she angled her head as you came closer and then said: "Mr Dekarios speaks a lot about you, you know."

You would have given a good amount of gold to be able to read the expression on the cat's face better.

"He does?", you answered dumbfoundedly. "Because he hasn't really talked to me in actual months." The fluffy tail flicked forcefully around once when you said that but then Tara just kept looking at you.

"Of course, he does! He basically never shuts up about you. And I'm pretty sure he almost never stops thinking about you either, it's uh-"

The tressym's tail flicked around even more and she worked her front paws around, almost as if she was shuffling around awkwardly.

"A bit unnerving sometimes", Tara finished and cocked her head again, looking up at you curiously.

You felt yourself blush and desperately tried not to think too much about what the creature could have meant.

"Although, I have to say, I fear you kind of messed with his mind that night some months ago even though he wouldn't tell me exactly what had made him so... upset. And then of course he had his own bad experiences in the past when he was in your position. But Mr Dekarios tends to forget that he's quite a different person than his former... acquaintance."

You could barely believe your ears. Also you were probably absolutely tomato red from your neck up. You did not exactly know what had happened to the anger you had come here with, but it surely wasn't present anymore - at least for the time being.

The fact that you seemingly were a predominant thing on the mind of your professor was disarming to say the least. And also you had the feeling that the tressym had just let you in on some quite personal stuff about Professor Dekarios although you could not make sense of any of it.

When he had been in your position? Former acquaintance? What was that supposed to mean?

The subject matter chose this exact moment to enter the scene.

"Tara has anyone...", Professor Gale Dekarios said while he flung open his office door with a coffee in his other hand.

His mouth immediately snapped shut again when he spotted you as you had turned around at the sound of the opening door.

You stared at each other for a very long moment.

"I'll leave you two alone, excuse me", Tara said cheerfully, jumped off the desk and sauntered out of the room through the door that was still being held open by the wizard. You weren’t entirely sure but you thought you heard Tara hiss “be nice to her, I like her” in passing to her wizard before she slipped out the door.

Tara's departure helped you both out of your stupor. Dekarios closed the door behind himself and awkwardly kept standing around at the entrance of his office. Meanwhile you crossed your arms over your chest and felt at least some of the anger return at the sight of him.

"Tav", he said. His tone was defeated and you could see his shoulders visibly slump. It easily ignited the rest of your fury in you again.

"Professor Dekarios", you almost spat.

"Please. Just call me Gale."

And snap - the anger was gone again. It was ridiculous how easily this man could change your mood just like that.

Gale started to walk over to you as you noticed that he was wearing almost the same thing he had that night at the club. You couldn’t help but blush.

The wizard's brown eyes were filled with a wild mix of emotions you couldn’t quite interpret as he came closer. He ran his free hand through his hair in a nervous gesture, making his single earring swing around as he brushed against it accidentally.

You swallowed and lifted up your chin - not wanting to give in to him and his beaten puppy behaviour.

"I guess it was about time we talked, wasn't it?", Gale said when he was standing almost right in front of you.

He leaned around you to put down his coffee in a to-go cup on his desk.

You couldn't help but to catch his scent: soft cologne, the smell of books, the fresh coffee he had been carrying. Involuntarily your lips parted.

But you quickly bit down on them, you wouldn't lose composure now.

"You think?", you spat when some anger flared up again. You immediately regretted it. The last time you had your whimsical emotions take over had been the instance to get you in all the mess.

The anger was mirrored in Gale's eyes for a short few moments. Then he calmed down again quickly and just sighed defeatedly.

"You're angry with me", he simply said. His voice was deep and warm. He was now standing directly in front of you. His gaze directly on you. And you saw how his eyes flicked down and up again. Several times.

You felt that you lost the grip on your anger with the way he looked at you so sadly. So you decided to make a last ditch effort before you would probably just break down crying or running from his office – and all of this would have been for naught.

"Yes, I am angry with you", you almost yelled at him. And you forced yourself to be done with being taken aback by small details now.

Before you could think better of it you launched into the rant you had long prepared: "You took me in as you're PhD student, so you promised to help and supervise me with my research. I worked my ass off in the last months. I sent you my exposé which is - as you might know as a scholar yourself - quite critical to get started, or find scholarships for that matter. I did a lot of research already. I had countless sleepless nights. My caffeine intake has become more than unhealthy. And never ONCE did I receive an ounce of your help." You really made yourself more enraged now as you kept talking. Finally letting it all out felt incredibly freeing.

Gale's eyes mirrored what you were feeling. You were certain, he was probably just as upset as you, but you couldn't care less in this moment.

"And if all of this is caused by that one night at the club, the fucking faculty party, might I tell you: seriously, fuck you! I've seen exactly how you looked at me! I didn’t just make an arse of myself, you did too! And if you can’t handle that fact, either tell me to just go fuck off and I'll be gone or man up and stop avoiding me or..."

You let the last part hang up in the air.

Gale's eyes were ablaze by now. He stepped in closer to you. You had never seen him be this intense. Not even when he was talking about his most passionate areas of his work.

"Do you really think I act like this because it is fun for me?", he snapped at you, his tone had taken on an authoritative tone. A tone that usually only came out when he was putting someone in his place – the scholarly way.

He kept walking towards you, making you take steps back. "You might think it was easy for me the last couple of months. But I had to look at you, every godsdamned lecture when you wear stuff like this." He gesticulated at your outfit, licking his lips and letting his eyes drop to your dangerously deep neckline. "Making me remember how you danced for me that night. Making me think of what might have happened." You stumbled against the edge of his desk, unable to keep your distance from him now.

And he was still coming closer, until you almost lost your balance trying to keep some space between the two of you, almost falling onto the piece of furniture behind you. You could already feel the heat his body was giving off.

He still didn’t stop, until there was in fact not a mere inch between you and his body pressed against yours even though you tried to lean back on the table.

"I am only trying to protect you", Gale continued his tone now pleading, his eyes soft and full of worry – but not hiding what lay beneath that. He was so close you could see every little detail of him: the lines of the mysterious tattoo swirling over his neck and cheek, the scruff of his beard, his soft eyes and the strands of grey in his hair, the subtle wrinkles around his eyes or the worry lines on his forehead.

But this made you angry again. Who was he to tell you what you needed protection from? But then you shortly remembered Tara's words – a flash through your mind.

But you were set on your course now. The way your body reacted to the closeness of this man you’ve had so many fantasies about being the proof you hadn’t really needed anyway.

And before you could try and think better of it you exclaimed: “Or – instead of patronising me – you could do us both a favour and just fuck me, so we can both get the hells over with it!”

You were shocked by your own courage and rashness, but it was quite apparent that this man made you do things: once that night in the club, now – not to mention that he was a major part of why you chose to pursue a PhD in the first place.

Gale’s mouth dropped open in astonishment and surprise for a moment, a sound somewhere between gasp and moan left his lips.

Then he regained his senses, desire flashing in his eyes, and he flipped you over, bending you over the desk.

It was your turn to gasp and moan in surprise. You barely caught yourself with your arms, accidentally pushing off some papers and books in the process. Also knocking over the cup of coffee that just fell on the floor and spilled on the floor.

Gale immediately secured your position against his desk with his own body, pressing his hips against your backside you hoped looked just as delicious as you had planned now.

Your thoughts on that immediately disappeared though when you felt Gale’s erection press against your ass. He was already rock-hard, making you gasp more.

“Are you really sure this is what you want?”, he asked with a husky voice. You merely managed to nod and let out a breathy moan, enjoying how quickly had turned around again – this time in your absolute favour.

“Gods know I really want to see what that brain of yours can do but I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that I have to say the same thing about your delectable butt you keep presenting to me”, Gale admitted in a haughty voice as he pressed himself harder against you, making the edge of the desk deliciously bite into your thighs.

You swallowed when what was happening started to settle in rationally – not just carnally. At the same time you could feel how helplessly needy you already felt, how lust pooled between your legs and flooded back again through your whole body. You had thought about this for so long but now being at his mercy felt better than anything your mind could have come up with.

Gale’s hands wandered over your ass in your skirt but the caress was still hesitant, although you could feel that the wizard was already breathing raggedly – the rise and fall of his body pressing you harder against the wood.

“Are you really sure you want to do this? Say it. Please!”, Gale whispered hoarsely, asking you again, although you could already feel how he had started to move one of his legs in between your thighs now and how his hands had wandered below the hem of your skirt and readied themselves to hike it up.

You pushed yourself up from the desk, turning around to him give him the most incredulous of looks: “I had six months to decide if I was sure about this, Gale Dekarios of Waterdeep. I was probably already sure of it when I saw you sitting in this nightclub flaunting a major erection and I made my boobs jiggle for you! I came here dressed like THIS.” You almost yelled at him. How did this idiot have you bent over his godsdamned desk and still hadn’t gotten the fucking memo?

“Well, no need to yell at me – I can hear you quite perfectly from here, thank you”, Gale replied and threw on his snappy professor voice that usually only those students got that annoyed him. He slapped your butt too and made you shut up really quickly before you could make a sassy remark.

Then he turned around slightly and you saw how he effortlessly used mage hand to turn the lock on the door. And with a quick incantation it began to glow also. You knew that spell and knew also that it wasn’t an easy feat to accomplish. Your mouth fell open.

When Gale turned back around again he took a deep breath and ran one of his hands through his hair, closing his eyes for a short moment and making the strands of brown with some grey fan around his face – all while still having you immobile between his body and his desk. Your mouth felt dry watching him do that – just casually locking you in his office with him; with one of the most powerful lock spells known to the wizarding world. And he didn’t even blink.

“There”, Gale simply said and rolled the tongue around in his mouth, letting it click once. “Point of no return now because the door is locked and sealed, is that what you wanted?”

You didn’t reply just stared at him hungrily, the lust inside basically becoming feral. You were still only turned half around, pushing up on the surface of the desk. You used the little space for movement you had and rubbed your ass against Gale’s crotch hoping that that would convey your answer to his question.

The wizard groaned and you watched his eyes roll back when he felt the friction against his erection.

“Do you even have an idea how many times I dreamt of this? Of this exact scenario?”, Gale pressed out as you felt the tingle of magic suddenly at your back and you noticed what must be another mage hand wander up your spine, softly caressing you, stroking up to the nape of your neck and curling itself in your hair.

Meanwhile Gale’s real hands were both free to hike up your skirt slowly, the feeling of his fingertips on your naked thighs making you shiver in anticipation.

“Do you know how many times I did?”, you gave back teasingly.

The mage hand in your hair yanked on it and the wizard’s hand came down on your butt again – a lot harder this time. You moaned helplessly as you felt jolts from the pleasureful pain run through your body and incinerating the fire inside you even more.

“This is not a competition!” There was the professor voice again. You tried to rub your butt against him again and earned another firm slap on your behind. Oh, you could keep going just like this for literal hours.

You heard Gale softly chuckle and then moan at your increasingly unhinged state. It seemed he was finally getting into this instead of worrying about you. And this is exactly what you wanted.

And then, to your surprise, you felt another instance of mage hand starting to wander over your body – dragging up one of your arms with which you had been supporting yourself so far and pressing it onto your back.

“In fact, do you know how many times you made me lock myself in my office after lectures because you always sit there, first row, wearing something that makes me stare at your breasts and then ask the most brilliant questions?”, Gale drawled, his voice dangerously low now. The one hand in your hair tugged on it again, making you lift up your head and look at the professor.

“I don’t know, did I?”, you answered and bit your lips and tried to turn around a little so you could force the aforementioned breasts into his field of view.

Your insolent behaviour earned you another slap and low growl from the wizard before he thrust his hips against you and made you fall prone on the desk surface now.

A third mage hand then started to work on your body, pushing you down until your chest was firmly held down on the desk. Then it grabbed your other arm until both of them were firmly held behind your back, meaning you were now absolutely immobilized and at the wizard’s mercy.

Your boobs were squished against the wooden surface, hurting in a way that was just the right amount to pleasure you. You whimpered in pleasure and closed your eyes trying to maximise your awareness of your body pressed against his.

You knew that you were dripping wet now. And you were desperate to let Gale find that one out.

“I believe, you need to be put into your place for all that, don’t you agree?”, Gale groaned as his hands finally dragged up your skirt over your buttcheeks and revealed your already completely soaked underwear.

“Uh, I mean unless… you’d rather…”, the wizard stuttered as he looked at your naked butt and how wet and ready you were for him, how his magic held you down – the mage hand at the back of your neck making you whimper now with how pleasantly hurtful it tugged on your hair. The sight of you below him had the usually eloquent professor quite at a loss for words.

You knew he was only trying to make sure you were fine but right then there you felt so desperate to just finally let your fantasies come true that you were almost ready to yell at him again to just get on with it.

“Please”, you simply whispered. And that was enough to break the wizard out of his paralysis. In a sudden change of position he knelt behind you, his hands spreading your butt for him as he pressed his open lips and tongue to your wet but still clothed core and began to suck.

You gasped in surprise and your head jolted upwards, straining against your magic shackles. But Gale’s mage hands were holding you firmly in place, resulting in you just squishing your breasts against the table harder and feeling how they and their hardened peaks were smushed against the hard surface, making you moan harder.

Gale kept giving your wet core and clit attention, finally pushing the soaked lacey piece of fabric that was in his way to the side and letting his tongue work on you – sinking it into you, then letting it circle around the sensitive bud down there.

The man was definitely as good with his tongue as you had hoped for – better even. Turns out the tongue wasn’t only good for spells, incantations or scolding naughty students (although that was probably his specialty).

He kept going, turning your whole being into a whimpering, shivering mess with how the tip of his tongue flicked over your clit and his hands squeezed your ass forcefully.

Desperate for his caress, you arched your back as hard as you could, desperate to get even more friction out of this. When you pushed your hips back even further when you were already close to an orgasm, Gale withdrew from you, leaving you to feel suddenly empty and cold.

You whimpered at the loss but didn’t trust your mind enough to form coherent sentences to make a sassy remark at him. You tried to turn around more to look at Gale and suddenly felt that the mage hands holding your arms behind your back had disappeared. In the same moment you heard how the wizard was undoing his slacks. Your eyes widened.

Now being allowed to do so you turned to watch as Gale let his erection spring free out of his pants. Your lips parted at the sight while Gale watched your reaction intently with a subtle hint of a smile on his face. You might be dripping wet for the wizard, but the wizard was hard as granite for you.

He stroked himself a few times and moaned while you kept staring at his hardness and felt the urge to feel him, all of him, become almost unbearable. Gale watched you, observed the carnal need in your eyes.

“You want me to-“ “Just fuck me already, Gale Dekarios of Waterdeep!“

This time the man needn’t to be told twice. He closed the distance between you. All his magic little helpers had disappeared. Now it was only him when he pressed his body against you again. His hard length fitting and pressing nicely between your buttcheeks.

He moved it down to let it slip along your wet core. The sensation of feeling his cock rub against you already almost making you insane. His hands grabbed hold of your hips as you pushed yourself up against the desk as you braced yourself for what was about to come.

Gale kept toying with you a little more before he entered you with a single movement – thrusting hard. You moaned loudly and let your head fall down. The first movement had already made the table shudder. You desperately tried to get accustomed to the feeling of finally being filled to the brim by this wizard.

“Gods, I want to fuck you until everything on this desk is knocked over”, Gale groaned and you could actually feel him twitch inside you as he promised you that.

“Better get to work then, Professor Dekarios”, you gave back with a breathy moan and squeezed your muscles around him. That earned you a deep growl and another hard thrust – oh.

“You enjoy it, when I call you that?”, you teased and squeezed around Gale’s cock again. Another growl, but not as feral as the one before.

“Fuck me then, Professor Dekarios, right on your desk”, you tried and almost regretted it when the wizard started to actually savagely pound into you – there were no pauses in between it anymore. He thrust into you slowly but forcefully, setting a steady rhythm. Every thrust taking you by surprise, unable to getting used to this sensation of being fucked by your professor.

You felt him hit pleasantly deep inside of you and thoughts in your head weren’t coherent anymore as you simply felt yourself give in completely to your lust and this man.

You felt the tingle of magic again right then and there, between your legs, starting to rub on your clit while the wizard kept thrusting into you - hard. So hard that he was about to keep his promise – books and papers fell over and then off with each of his movements that brought your bodies together. Until… out of the corner of your eye you saw a few papers making their way off the table. They looked awfully familiar.

“Wait, is that my exposé? And annotated? So, you did read it!”, you exclaimed with sudden reestablished coherent thinking. No matter the state of heedless need and pleasure you were in – you couldn’t let this go uncommented.

“Of course - I did - it was brilliant!”, Gale answered breathlessly in between his movements, not letting up on his thrusts. You squealed happily.

But then the mage hand between your legs, pleasuring your clit, suddenly pinched it, making you squeal again – but this time in pleasure and pain.

“We can talk about this later!”, Gale said with his scholarly voice again. And you were drawn back into how he was fucking you on his desk. Although you highly doubted you would be talking about anything soon.

He kept going while the mage hand at your sensitive core was almost driving you mad. The mixture of its teasing and the friction created by Gale thrusting into you had you almost at the edge.

But Gale groaned in frustration and dragged you up from the table. “This won’t do”, he commented, then turned you around and pushed you down again. “I need to see your face when I make you come for me”, he explained his reasoning.

So now you were laying on the wooden desk, your naked butt rubbing over the polished wood, supporting yourself on your elbows as Gale moved in and dragged your legs around his hips to enter you again. But before he did, he bowed down to tear open your already very revealing blouse. You gasped, as buttons jumped off it as you felt the burn of his violent tearing. Who would’ve thought the scholar was so ready to take what he wanted?

Thankfully you had been wearing nothing else underneath, so the wizard was immediately greeted with your naked breasts springing free from your top.

He stared at them dumbfoundedly while their peaks hardened in the sudden rush of cold air. You licked your lips and arched your back again to make them look as perky as possible.

When Gale kept staring in awe, you angled your head, cocked an eyebrow and let one hand wander across them – from one hardened bud to the other - and with that motion softly squeezing and dragging them.

“I kept thinking about these since you put them so exquisitely on display that night at the party”, Gale whispered. “So good to see them finally in the flesh”, he continued and licked his lips. His eyes flicked to yours – was he seeking approval for his stupid joke? This man could really swing between effortlessly and mind-blowingly sexy to absolute dork within in a single moment.

You wrapped your legs around his hips to get his dick back pressing against you. “Will you finally finish what you started? This is taking longer than waiting for you to get done grading a paper”, you scoffed and quickly moved up to give his hardness a single firm stroke.

That made the wizard’s head lull back and groan once more. Then he was immediately onto you again, entering you and bottoming out in a single movement. His hands moved to your hips again to give himself more resistance for his thrusts as he started moving again. And this time with an absolute urgency.

He stared at you, eyes flicking from yours to your jigging boobs then to where he could see himself sliding in and out of you. One of his hands wandered down between where your bodies were joined and this time his real fingers were working your clit.

And between his skilled fingers, his powerful thrusts and the way he stared at you as if he actually wanted to devour you, you felt the cliff coming. And you knew that for him it was coming into view as well as his movements became more and more ragged.

“Please”, you begged him simply – not being able to utter anything else.

Some more powerful thrusts and flicks of his thumb while you clenched around him pushed you off then, making you fall, see stars. It was as if you had entered the weave itself.

You moaned his name desperately as he made you come violently. You clawed and grabbed for his arms, desperate to hold onto him while you lost yourself.

You squeezed your legs around him as you arched your back impossibly far with the pleasure spikes ebbing and flowing through your body and your whole soul.

And Gale followed you within only a few more movements, groaning and tensing as you felt him twitch inside you and his hands clawed into the flesh of your hips. He moaned your name as well, as if it were a plea, while he came inside of you.

“Ah Gods above”, he moaned before he collapsed onto you after that.

The two of you were a tangled, sweaty mess. Breathing heavily, none of you trusted their skills to form complete sentences yet again after this.

With a groan you wrapped your arms around Gale’s upper body, touching his hair, moving a strand of it behind his ear before you leaned back. All tension had left your body for the time being and you desperately felt like you needed to lie down now somehow, actually lie down.

Out of all the scenarios you had come up with as possible outcomes to this, this was definitely the most satisfying one. And the fact that Gale had casually admitted that he thought your exposé brilliant was adding to the happy, fuzzy feeling you felt spreading through you now.

Gale’s eyes meanwhile had widened at your soft gesture and caress and he kept staring at you in wonder and admiration. Then he suddenly moved up and kissed you: with open lips, but gentle, almost too tender after what the two of you had just done. The scruff of his beard tickled a bit on your face and made you scrunch your nose a little.

When he withdrew slowly your expression mirrored his from just before.

“What was that for?”, you asked softly.

“I just realised I hadn’t kissed you through all of this and this was a fact I couldn’t quite live with”, the wizard answered. Ah well, he seemingly was already back to his blabbering eloquent self. This stupid idiot – you were down bad for him even worse now.

You suddenly felt a giggle rise up in you and your cheeks warm. So you grabbed the wizard’s face and kissed him again. Longer now, a bit more passionately – and in a way that already made you yearn to have him again.

“So, do you want to talk about your exposé now, or…?”

“Gale, can we discuss this later?”

The wizard gave you a huge smile when he heard you call him by only his first name again.

“Alright, let’s schedule another meeting for that then.”

#gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #bg3 gale #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #gale x tav #gale x reader #gale x you #professor gale #professor dekarios #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #fanfiction #baldur's gate iii #kinktober #fanfic #gale #poro fics

[taintedcigs]

eddie and steve live together & steve is completely in love with reader but she’s with eddie.

he comes home one day and shes standing in the kitchen making lunch in the tightest yoga pants and he is literally gonna implode. he can’t handle it anymore 🥺

to the edge — s.h.

a/n: wrote this while listening to deftones and omfg this idea is KILLING ME nonnie!!! did not proof-read pls ignore all mistakes!! im sorry i made this soso pervy but i swear i held myself back lmao!! also idk if this is what u wanted but hope u enjoy bb <33

warnings: perv!steve,18+ only, minors dni!!!!! kinda dark but not rlly ??, male m*sturbation, steve j*rking off to ur picture, degrading nicknames but also praising kind of! just filthy idk what is going thru my head im sick. (wc: 1.5k+)

Steve didn't know how much longer he could handle this.

How much longer could he hide this from you? Or even more importantly, how much longer could he hide this from Eddie?

His breath strained the moment he came home from work, he was already worked up, going through hours and hours of paper work, and now he was beyond frustrated.

Because there you stood with the prettiest smile adorning your face as you greeted him, he couldn't help but let his eyes wander off to your body when you wore the tightest fucking yoga pants that he had ever seen.

Showing all of your curves in the best possible way, the way your breasts juggled as you skipped over to give him a greeting hug.

He felt... so fucking perverted about his thoughts of you, the way his entire body froze when your breasts squeezed over his chest, the way his hands lingered on your waist when all he wanted to do was lower them further, cupping your ass while you squealed, hitting his chest with those pretty giggles escaping your lips.

"Can you help me out?" You asked with those doe-eyes. Steve was sure he would do anything you asked if you gave him that look. Any fucking thing.

He nodded breathlessly, no words able to push past his lips as he watched you in awe.

Eddie was nowhere to be seen, probably still stuck at work and Steve felt horrible. He felt horrible by how he eyed you, he felt horrible by how his mind framed you beneath him, whimpering for more until he pounded into you senselessly.

And he was doing every fucking thing he could to keep it in his pants, it was truly torture. But he seemed to be doing fine. Until you decided to brush past him in an attempt to reach the knife next to him.

It wasn't intentional, you probably thought nothing of it. But the way your curves molded into him, the way your ass grazed against his boner was a whole new territory that Steve wasn't ready for yet.

In his mind, you two might as well have been naked. And he knew he was fucked. Because all Steve could think about now was fucking you from behind, seeing that pretty view of your ass while you melted into him, pretty lips opening slightly to mewl at him for more, his hips relentlessly pounding into you, his veiny cock stretching that perfect little cunt he always dreamed about.

Fucking you senselessly until your mind was filled with nothing but Steve, and his cock. He wanted to have you drooling for him, begging for him to let you cum, begging for more...

Shit.

Steve looked down at the bulge in his pants, it was very fucking visible as his cock strained against his zipper, even the wet patch from his pre-cum was starting to form and he knew if he didn't do something about it he was going to explode.

"I—I'm just so... tired." He fake yawned, and you looked up at him.

"Oh! It's okay, I'll just finish up here, there isn't much left anyway." You gave him a small smile.

"You... uh— you sure?" He asked, hand perfectly placed to cover up his boner.

"Yes, yes... I'll let you know when the dinner is ready, Stevie." You giggled, waving him off.

Stevie.

He didn't even know how he made it to his bedroom, heaving a breath of relief as soon as he locked the door.

Stevie. He was sure you were trying to fucking kill him.

Steve was quick to take off his pants, almost juggling over them by how fast he was being.

Jesus fucking Christ

He shouldn't do this, he can't fucking do this.

He tried to reason, but the memories of you flashed through his mind faster than he could comprehend, the way those tight yoga pants framed your curves in the best way possible, the way you licked your lips as you concentrated on cutting those damn vegetables.

He could turn every memory of you into something sexual, he could picture those lips wrapped around his throbbing cock, your delicate tongue lapping up his pre-cum as your mouth struggled to take all of his length, and you stared up at him with those doe eyes.

Fuckfuckfuck.

He couldn't hold it off as he climbed into bed, trying his best to stifle his grunts when he wrenched his cock from his boxers. His cock pulsed harder as he swiped his thumb along the tip, hissing as he spread the bead of pre-cum that collected at his pink tip.

A low groan rose in his throat, as he closed his eyes. Shaky hands stroking up his lengthy cock. So slowly.

And all he can imagine was you.

He wanted you so badly that it ached, his cock in his grip was almost hot to touch, pulsating with need.

He wanted— no, he needed you. He needed you trembling under him, eager to fill all of your holes, he wanted you pleading for him, he wanted to sheath himself inside of you, as he told you how much he loved you.

He wanted to fill you to the brim, not stopping until he made sure that you were stuffed with his cum, not stopping until he made sure he painted your velvety walls white.

He fisted his cock feverishly at his thoughts, so roughly that his knuckles turned white. But he didn't care, pictures of you etched into his brain were enough to get him over the edge.

Steve was sure he had never felt this way before, he felt out of his mind, hooked on you. You were like a drug he couldn't get enough of, and it was killing him.

He tried to keep his moans stifled—but it was so hard when his dirty mind was filled with X-rated images of you.

You with your mouth hung open, tongue sticking out as you begged to taste his cum, to feel his load shooting down your throat.

"Fuck—fucking slut." He let out before he could stop himself. Tugging harder at his abused cock. "Such—such a pretty baby for me, yea?" He praised envisioning you.

He didn't hesitate to grab his bedside picture when he felt himself closer to release. He examined the picture carefully, curses slipping past his lips. There you stood next to him, and there was Eddie.

His veins throbbed with rage at the sight of him, he knew it was wrong, so fucking wrong. But every inch of him resented Eddie for getting to have you.

His thumb was quick to cover Eddie's face, he gripped harder on the picture as he focused on you.

God, did you look pretty.

Your hands were wrapped around his waist as you leaned toward him, you looked so fucking happy.

You wore the smallest fucking skirt, and your tits were pressed up against your tiny top, and it was driving Steve crazy.

He stroked his cock harder and harder as he imagined you naked, squirming under him. "Please, Stevie." You mewled, the nickname clinging to his mind.

"Cum inside of me, Stevie. Please, baby... please—need your cum." He imagined you whimpering, batting your lashes at him as tears threatened to spill from those innocent eyes.

And Steve reveled in the thought, of having you begging for his cum, his desire to get you full of him, the visual of his cum leaking out of your cunt pulled a guttural groan out of him.

"Please, Stevie, wanna be filled with your load."

He tugged at his cock harder, the thought of you begging for him, the thought of you begging to be his flooded his mind. "'M gonna make you mine, honey." He promised.

"Shit—gonna fuck my load into you, yeah, baby?"

"Gonna make you my personal fuckin' cock sleeve." He cursed as he stroked harder, gripping the picture in his hand.

"Make you my fuckin' cum dump." He groaned, the desire to have you jolted every inch of him.

"'M yours, Stevie." He envisioned you mewling for him.

And that thought finally sent him over the edge, he spurted his warm cum all over the picture in his hand. Most of it spilling on your frame as he let out loud groans, not even able to hide or stifle them anymore.

He grunted as the last of his load dripped from his softened tip onto your lips and all over your face on the picture. He couldn't help the satisfied smile on his face as he admired it.

You looked so fucking gorgeous with his cum spurted all over your pretty little face.

"Stevie!" You called out for his name and Steve froze immediately.

He panicked and covered himself up as soon as you knocked on the door.

Did you fucking hear him?

Did you know about his disgusting thoughts?

"Y—yeah?" He replied, voice filled with shame.

Thankfully, you didn't open the door as you just yelled. "Dinner is ready!" He heaved a sigh of relief quickly.

You were going to be the death of him.

#em’s mail💌 #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington imagines #perv!steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you #steve harrington blurbs #steve harrington drabbles #perv!steve harrington #steve harrington drabble #perv!steve harrington imagine #perv!steve harrington fics

[ageingfangirl2]

What Happens Below Deck Stays Below Deck! Shanks (OPLA)

SMUT! You are the new shipwright but have caught your captain's eye and despite your best efforts to hide from him after a drunken confession he manages to corner you below deck - what the crew don't know won't hurt them - Shanks x Reader (Female) SMUT!

It wasn't that you were avoiding your captain, it was more like doing your job which happened to keep you away. Okay, maybe you were hiding a little and not being alone in the same room as him because you were mortified about what happened a month after you joined the crew as the shipwright.

Everyone in the tavern was drinking and you had a little too much and might have told your captain what you did before you joined his crew. You weren't proud of your past as a prostitute, and when Shanks stated it was why you were so good with your hands, you purred in his ear and told him you were better with your mouth.

Luckily there were enough jobs around the ship to keep you busy. Like today while the ship was docked you could finally fix one of the dodgy planks in the main sleeping area because the whole crew were off the ship. You got on great with everyone and wanted to be respected for your work and not because you screwed the captain.

You had all your tools ready and the new plank already cut to size, you literally needed to pop the old one out and replace it. Maybe then because the ship was empty you could enjoy a bath with some of the bath salts you got from the last island you docked at. It was hard being the only girl on the crew.

'There we go, a job well done,' you say cheerfully, as you test the new plank by walking across it on all fours since you were already down there, and smiling when you didn't hear a creak.

As you admire your work you frown when a shadow looms over you because you thought you were alone, 'what the he--' you freeze, looking up to see Shanks staring down at you, more so his eyes lingering on your breasts which were on show due to your current position.

'Someone has been avoiding me haven't they?' Shanks chuckles his usual jovial tone darker and more sinister, 'Now I have you all to myself. Haven't been able to get you out of my head.'

'Captain, I can--' you go to stand but he pushes you back down.

'You've had me all flustered picturing your mouth on my dick, I'm your captain and I order you to make me feel better!' he demand, cutting you off.

Your eyes widen as you watch him pull down his pants and release his very well-endowed dick which was already hard and dripping precum. You were a little flattered this was all because of you, but you were torn.

You cave and lick your lips, 'I don't want this to change things, captain.'

Shanks nods and tangles his fingers in your hair, 'we both need this. This won't change things.'

You get on your knees and rest your hands on his thighs, before you take the tip in your mouth and start to lick the precum. It had been a couple of years since you'd deepthroated and you were intimidated by his size and if you were going to be able to take all of him.

'fuck--' Shanks grunts above you.

You take one hand and start rubbing the shaft in time with your licks, while the other hand reaches for his balls, all the while making sure to keep eye contact with him. You hated this, but it was something men seemed to crave.

'Such a tease...' Shanks groans, 'so eager you forgot where we are...' he laughs, fingers tightening in your hair, 'anyone could walk in on us.'

Realisation dawns on you that someone could come back and catch you in the act, and you didn't want to be seen like this, 'wait--'

Shanks cuts you off by pushing your head down roughly, forcing you to swallow more of him, your jaw hurting from being stretched. Your hands dig into his thighs as you fail to scream around him.

'I'm sorry, what was that? I can't hear you over all that noise you're making,' he taunts.

You manage to control your breathing as you feel him touch the back of your throat. Keeping the grip on his thighs you start to rock backwards and forwards on your heels and he quickly matches your pace. You didn't care that you were drooling, you stared up at your captain with pleading eyes that threatened tears.

Shanks moans, 'I'm enjoying the view. It's not every day I get to mouth fuck someone so pretty. I bet you can go deeper, I bet you want to choke on my cum, answer me.'

You're not quite sure if you nod or grunt a yes, but either way, Shanks wanted more and you resigned yourself to let him take control. Your nose is pressed against his stomach as he bottoms out deep in your throat, tears falling freely as he uses your mouth like his personal fleshlight, unloading cum which you tried to choke down but some came back up and mixed with your drool.

His thrusts start to slow down and his fingers leave your hair as he gasps for breath, 'beautiful...I can see my dick inside you...' he trails off, one finger lazily running down your cheek to your throat where he traces the clear bulge, '...as much as I'd love to see you keep choking on me, I'm impatient and there's something else I want more.'

He pulls out slowly with a satisfying pop, but you still have to catch your breath coming down from your own high. With a simple motion of his eyes towards your pants, you hastily remove them and your damp underwear with shaking hands. You lie back and spread your legs, 'captain...' you whisper but it comes out like a moan.

Shanks smirk gets bigger as he gets down on the floor, 'You're fucking gorgeous like this, spread like a good girl who wants to be eaten, and lucky for you I'm starving.'

You gasp as he lifts one of your legs over his shoulder to part you even more, 'Like I said I don't want this to change things on the ship captain.'

Shanks hums as his head dips between your thighs, 'My door will always be open, but I won't treat you any differently, I always keep my word.'

You didn't know if you'd take him up on his offer, but your mind is quickly swayed when his tongue finds your already sensitive clit and starts to roll his tongue, and your hips buck when two fingers slip between your folds and curl inside you. It was easy to see why the captain had a reputation with the ladies because you hadn't been pleasured like this in a long time. You don't try to conceal your noises as he brings you to the edge and you cum around his fingers and face. You would happily take the pain of being fucked senseless if you got a reward after.

After making you cum a few more times Shanks pulls his face up from between your thighs, your juices covering his face. You somehow manoeuvre your body to pull his face towards you and crash your lips down on his, tasting yourself.

Shanks laughs into the kiss, 'I can think of a few more things around the ship that need fixing. I have a dodgy chair in my quarters.'

You pull back and rest your forehead against his, 'I'm happy you're my captain. Now we should probably make ourselves decent before anyone comes back.

#anime fanfiction #anime imagines #opla #one piece fanfiction #one piece imagines #one piece #one piece live action #one piece live action imagines #one piece live action fanfiction #anime blog #shanks one piece #shanks x reader #opla shanks #red haired shanks #shanks #akagami no shanks #shanks smut #one piece shanks #one piece shanks imagines #one piece shanks fanfiction #one piece x reader #one piece smut #opla shanks imgaines #opla shanks fanfiction #opla shanks smut #one piece shanks smut #shanks x reader smut #anime smut

[horrorisunknowntoyou]

STRESS FILLED NIGHTS

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem-Reader

TW: Anxiety/ paranoid, Stress cleaning, biting nails.

Summary: You were used to Simon's night terrors and anxiety, but what happens when your the one struggling without even knowing?

A/n: I wrote this, because I'm having a really hard time sleeping so this is a self comfort thing for me. I'm tired man. Also Ghost is OOC . And this is unedited or whatever.

Tick...Tick...Tick...

You starred up at the ceiling, the clock on the wall continuing to tick on the wall. You peer over to your left, picking up your phone from the nightstand. At this point taking off the charger as it's full battery at this point. The light illuminating from the phone slightly blinding you as you check the time.

2:13 am

Sighing, you put your phone aside, it's been hours already and your still not asleep yet. Your husband by now is peacefully asleep, but your still awake. You turn to your side, facing the now sleeping Ghost. He looked so...peaceful you just stared at him slowly breathing, looking pretty in the blue mood light on him. Something only you and you alone can see, no one else can. Your hand gently reaches out as gently push and piece of hair aside, smiling at how cute he is.

Eventually you layed back on your back, staring at the ceiling once again. After 20 minutes of looking at the ceilings texture to see if you can see any images from it for fun. Or messing around with your hand in the blue light you eventually got sick of it.

Quietly sitting up from the bed, making sure to not make any sounds to wake your husband up. You put your house slippers on and left the room. Once in the hallway, you let out a relaxed breath. Since your awake, might as well make yourself useful.

" Think y/n, what can I do currently?..." You thought as you take a left turn reaching the living room. You flick the lights on " Oh, I can tidy up the house abit, as long I don't vacuum or do anything loud, it should be fine." At this point you were getting shaky because you were exhausted. But you ignored it as you started to sweep the floor, humming to yourself quietly.

You swept.

You wiped the tables and counters clean.

You moped the tile floor.

You clean the dust off souvenirs and photo frames and more.

You left the kitchen spotless.

You even clean your fucking gun.

After all of that, you just sat on the couch silently with out a word. You were biting your nails, trying to figure out what else to do before being alerted to Simon's panicked voice.

"Y/n?! Y/n where are you? Y/-"

He immediately rushed over to the living room panicked. He soon relaxed once he saw you just sitting on the couch.

"Y/n, it's 6am...what the hell are you doing this early?"

"Cleaning."

"Cleaning?" He gave you an almost dumbfounded look. " You know what time it is, right now?"

"6:25 am."

"How long have you been cleaning love?"

You were starting to avoid his eye contact, biting you nail more. "I-i..I don't know."

Ghost just stood there sighing, "why didn't you ask for my help?" He says, almost hurt. " Your going to get a migraine. "

"I know...I don't know...I just.." you starred down at your carpet rug. " I was scared, I couldn't sleep. And I thought it was better if I'm awake that I should make myself useful..."

Ghost, walks over to you, kneeling in front of you, his calloused hands gently forcing you to look at him. " Y/n, y/n look at me. Your hurting yourself doing this. "

"I don't understand." You said truthfully, your hand gently laying on top of his.

"love, your exhausted, your literally shaking right now....Listen, I may not be good at the whole comfort thing compared to you. But since you watch over me during my night terrors it's only fair I do the same with you."

"But...I don't have nightmares like you do though, I'm just...a little scared to go to sleep."

"Even so, you still need sleep."

You thought about it, and slowly nod. You then gently leaned into his arms and laid your head on his shoulder.

Ghost then stood up, and wrapped his arms around your waist and picked you up. Carrying you back to bed, flicking the lights off.

He walks into your shared bedroom, closing the door behind him. Getting in bed with you, now that he can see your face closely, your eyes were bloodshot and exhausted.

You quietly spoked to him, as he now gently moves a strain of your hair aside. " Did I really scare you? I'm sorry if I did..." You yawn softly, " I thought...me leaving would protect you...or something."

"Protect me? Ha. But you did startle me. "

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You didn't intend to. I was just... surprised to not see you beside me. "

"hmm." Your eyes fluttered abit. Less talkative.

Ghost noticed, that him quietly talking to you was finally making you relax.

" I would appreciate if next time this happens, you tell me. Alright?"

You nodded.

Ghost continue to talk to you, sometimes telling you his awful jokes. And once you finally stop responding to him. He looked over to see you finally asleep. Haft your face hidden away in the pillow, taking soft slow breaths.

He pulled the blanket over his shoulders, gently pulling you close to him , wrapping his arms around you protectively falling suit and falling asleep with you.

Both of you peacefully asleep.

A/n: IM SO TIRED UGH

#simon riley x you #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #call of duty x reader

[demonslayedher]

Low-Key Married AU fluff

Kochou said that I was disliked, so I asked her if she disliked me too. For someone so quick to have a smiling response to everything, she struggled to reply. She was the one who proposed marriage and swayed me, so I had thought that meant she had feelings for me. There would be no other way to read it. However, with as unbothered as she is by my absence, I have to wonder.

It’s been ten days since I had last contact with her. I went home to the Butterfly Mansion, but she had just departed for a mission, so I didn’t stay long so as not to trouble the girls. It may still be a few days before I can return again, but it’s always likely she’ll be busy. She’s incredible in that way, taking on all the care of our injured Corp members in addition to her Pillar missions. It must be in her personality to keep adding to what keeps her busy, like taking me in as though I looked like I needed the care. Although the times we’ve spent together have been nice, I don’t require it. My duties call for me to always be ready for battle, and I’ve always kept my heart steady.

So has she. We are Pillars first, and no amount of affection can sway us—whether an abundance or a lack.

I’m not bothered by lacking something I didn’t deserve in the first place.

Last night again, I was too late to prevent a family from being slaughtered. There were no survivors this time, aside from the eldest child who was still ravenous with a recent transformation. Having to chase him down and keep him from harming anyone else kept me off the trail of the progenitor of demons, who had to have been close by. For centuries, he’s evaded us this way over and over, sacrificing entire families to throw us off his trail. If I were to chide myself over every failure, I would have lost the ability to do anything ages ago. Each time, the anger is something I carry with me, to push myself harder the next time, and the next. Any extent more that I can push myself may be the difference to someone’s survival, no one can afford to lose their life over any of my own lost confidence.

“CAW!! TOMIOKA GIYUUUU! NEWS FOR TOMIOKA GIYUUUU!”

Each time it's a crow I think I recognize, my stomach drops. My mind is already playing the words I dread to hear, as though trying to protect my mind once I someday hear them.

"Kochou Shinobu has died."

Even if I hear them, I'm a Pillar first. That was what we promised each other. I'll always do as I must.

The crow says nothing as it delivers a letter.

YES, YES, I KNOW, THIS FANDOM HAS TURNED ME INTO SHIPPER TRASH. For this pairing, it was more specifically my own joke AU which later bit me in the back and made me start really, really enjoying GiyuShino (which, for the record, I do not consider canon). Was throwing ideas back and forth with @reicchel again the other day and so here we are with ship content!

Part of the reason I love the Low-Key Married AU (in which it's mostly canon as usual, except that Shinobu and Giyuu have been married for over a year or so, and it's not a secret but they make such little deal about it that many people don't even know they're married) is that it's a frame through which to see every interaction and either make it really, really funny, or very, very, sad. Everything was supposed to be funny, but it keeps hurting, hahaha... aaahhhh.

For instance, in a regular romcom situation, it should be funny that Kanzaburo doesn't deliver all of Giyuu's letters. Knowing these two, who might had started this whole "well, we'll be a couple when we have time" thing by actively writing regular letters, this could had simply given the impression that the other person wasn't writing as much, so they both naturally decreased frequency to match. It's a little lonely, but neither one is going to push the other for more attention.

No!! I refuse to let this post end with angst! Time for omake!!!

#I spent a few days enjoying high-brow Noh and now I'm back to shipper trash #giyushino #giyuu x shinobu #tomioka giyuu #tomioka giyu #kocho shinobu #kochou shinobu #my art #too bad for you Tanjiro your karma in this AU had to even out somehow #also that is the happiest Giyuu I have ever drawn and it's adorable #GiyuShino Low Key Married AU

[queerprayers]

hi ! i hope you're doing well, and i just wanna say first that i love your blog and it just radiates comforting vibes :)

i wanted to ask for some advice. i chose god over a year ago after having this push-pull thing with him for almost ten before that. most of my issues with actually accepting him came from ideas i had about him from his more conservative/evangelical followers, which i began to debunk for myself after figuring out that god, not them, was who i wanted.

so i've been sticking to the old testament, mostly. i found god in there, grew to love him because of it, and it's just a beautiful text, but also there are far fewer conservative dogwhistles in there than there are in the new testament. the new testament is hard for me to look at, and i feel guilty about it.

and its like- ive grown up with jesus my whole life. my parents are methodist, i was raised methodist. but i've never felt very close to him, thanks to those who twisted his verses about love and kindness into weapons against people like me. i read these verses that mean so much (john 3:16 and the like) and all i get out of it is a crawling sense of dread. like the associations are Bad, and it seeps through the whole new testament.

all this long-winded nonsense is basically to say that somebody got their hands all over the new testament and now i look at it and it is just barren. have you ever experienced something like this? any advice on how to,, reclaim the new testament or something? (thank you so much for reading this holy shit it's long. sorry about that)

Thank you beloved, I'm glad you're here! No such thing as too long here, I promise—well, there might be on my end. (You've been warned.) I'm overjoyed that you've chosen to pursue God—separating what you've been told from what you seek to believe in is such a hard thing to navigate.

I'm gonna be honest, this is such a refreshing question and I'm glad that you're asking it. I overwhelmingly hear the opposite from Christians—that the New Testament is easy and loving and comforting, and the Old Testament is scary and violent or whatever. I always want to ask first, what their opinions of Judaism are, because that's a red flag to me; and next, have they read the NT? It isn't easy and it isn't always comforting, and I think too many Christians only read the parts that they think are. The fact that you're recognizing those hard things and wanting to deal with them is a beautiful thing—we should take these texts seriously enough to criticize and struggle with them.

First of all: You have no need to feel guilty for what other people have done with holy things, or for your emotions. You have not done something wrong by carrying this hurt with you. What we feel is not in our control—but we can listen to it. Let this be a movement of desire, not of guilt. You're seeking God past the dread. You want to grow enough that the ideas people have taught you don't stand between you and what you want—and you've already done so much of this growth. I believe that you can keep moving in the direction of God, and find God in more and more places. But you don't have to pretend it's not hard. And if it was easy I'm not sure that would be a good thing.

Your experiences and associations and discomfort and fear—they're your history and they're also the history of the text. I'm sure you've heard people say "Don't let stuff like that turn you away from the original meaning of the verses!" Or "Jesus didn't mean that!" But of course the verses hold weight. They've had baggage before they ever got to you—two thousand years of it. Hold space for the fact that they've been used to hurt you and others. That's not meaningless—it's part of the meaning now. People who claimed their destruction was what Jesus meant have added to the history of Jesus and the text—and people who created love and beauty in honor of those verses have also added to these histories. We can learn about the original meaning of the text, but we cannot erase or ignore the meanings that have existed over the years. Go into this without guilt or pressure or expectation, and bring the anger and confusion and bad experiences. The text is strong enough to handle them. God is strong enough to handle them.

I want to acknowledge that finding God in the Hebrew Bible and existing there with Them is a beautiful thing. You don't have to equally relate to every single part of a religion to create a home there. Of course I hope that you grow new connections with the NT, but if it's never the same as the OT, that's not a flaw or a failure. None of us can find all the places where God is present and hold them all equally. Our brains aren't big enough for that. You have created a beautiful connection with God, and I hope that you know that there are so many fulfilled, faithful people who have not, and will never, experience God in the NT. Of course these people generally aren't Christian—and that's obviously a choice you can make—but I hope that knowledge reminds you that you aren't doing anything wrong. You have a duty to God, not to religion. And you certainly don't have a duty to the ideas you've grown up with or translators or interpreters or even to Biblical writers. We enter religion to learn and create community and to fully live out our duty to God—religion serves us, not the other way around. 

I love that you brought up conservative dogwhistles because this is a point that, again, I've heard more people fall on the other side of! More people have a problem with the politics of the OT, for lots of reasons. The NT was written much closer to our current point in history, of course, in a time and culture much more familiar to most of us than Ancient Israel. The Roman Empire's language and government and philosophy has influenced the world immensely, and I think for most people it's therefore easier to exist in/relate to/project on. For you, though, this might be having the opposite effect. The fact that the Roman Empire is closer and more influential to our culture may make you more aware of its injustices and biases. Conservatism as we know it is much closer to values found in the Christian scriptures than the Jewish ones partially because it's more culturally and politically similar to ours. (Think about how many far-right people idolize the Roman Empire! And of course, think about how many conservatives are Christians.) 

I'm assuming, because you're someone who notices politics in texts, that you've probably confronted things in the OT that you've had to process and put in context and perhaps still struggle with. I know that you've been met with violence and patriarchy, and that you've read verses that you probably know have been used to justify racism, sexism, slavery, and homophobia. Perhaps you've come to these chapters and said something like, "Wow, this has been used for a lot of evil, and this is something I have to deal with, but I also want to give grace to the culture that existed this way and told these stories, see the times that systems like patriarchy are challenged and changed over time, and use this for good and liberation in my own life." Maybe this is easy for you, or maybe it's taken a lot of strength. 

Barbara Brown Taylor talks about "shadow languages" in her book Holy Envy (which I recommend)—languages in the Bible that assume things, that carry with them narratives we need to look out for. She identifies the language of contempt, the one of social hierarchy, the one that glorifies suffering for suffering's sake, the one that divides reality into opposed pairs. She tells us that "the purpose of staying on the lookout for languages like these is to prevent them from becoming uncontested parts of the Christian worldview. Every time I run into one of them hard enough to hurt, I turn around and look in the opposite direction, where there is almost always a counternarrative in scripture, just waiting for someone to notice it."

I think about how slavery is not abolished in the Bible—it has not been abolished ever. At various times in history, it has been taken for granted, challenged, uprooted, and changed form. Why are the ancient Israelites freed from captivity and go on to enslave people? Why does God move them to chip away at slavery but not fully eradicate it? Why does Paul say there is no slave or free under Christ Jesus, but preserves the social hierarchy inherent to that statement? It angers me that oppression is never abolished completely and immediately, but I also know that's not how people (or true stories) work. We take a lot of things for granted—and that leads many people to conservatism. I love Paul's writings, and I also know that his greatest sin (like many of us) was believing God's love liberated only as far as his imagination. He could imagine a God who loved the enslaved, could imagine a world in which their souls were equal, but could not imagine a world without slavery. He could imagine a spiritual equality of men and women, but not a social one. The gospel writers could worship a Jewish man as God, honor the scriptures he quoted, and add no nuance to the Jewish leaders who opposed him. They could imagine a messiah coming from Judaism but could not give grace to the Judaism around them.We all have failures of imagination, and we are always wrong. (Thanks be to God.)

I am not in the business of excusing harmful systems. I don't think you should do this when tackling the NT—I think you should challenge it and accuse it and dismantle it. But I also want you to remember the grace that you have brought to the Hebrew Bible. You have found God in a text with a lot of hard things and a lot of beautiful things—I bet you can do it again. Maybe it's more personal this time, maybe it's closer to your culture, but you have the skills. And maybe this is gonna make you go back to the OT with harsher eyes—so be it. Be curious about how this changes your relationship with history—humanity's and your own. However you understand conservatism, you can find it in both parts of the Christian Bible. And you can't take away the ways people have furthered that. But you can see them, and you can build relationships with the stories, knowing that your imagination can go further—and God's goes further still. You have been taught by bigoted people and a bigoted world, and you know it. You already know you want God, not them.

So what do we do when someone got their hands all over the New Testament? I love that question, because they absolutely have. They're still doing it. Someone got their hands all over the OT too—actually, probably more and worse someones seeing as it's a Jewish text and Christian hands are inherently meddling. But this is all part of the text's history. However much we believe God was involved, people wrote in their own language and from their own culture.  The curation and copying and collecting and translating and analysis inherent to the Bible's existence (it didn't spring fully formed into the King James Version) are people's hands. We can't take that away—and in fact, we needed their hands for these texts to get to us. 

Reclaiming the Bible for me has not included pretending those hands don't exist—especially when they're personal. What it has included is prying some of those hands off to see God underneath. The thing about that, though, is that it gets our fingerprints involved. You can't reach into a text and find God without getting your hands dirty. There is no pure holy text in this life. The NT that you're reading—unless you're smarter than me—is already translated. You can learn to read Greek, you can study history, but you're gonna be doing it with your own hands. While you're finding God in the text, accept that even if you go all the way back, the original writers' fingerprints are on the very first copy. 

Let this move you to know that none of it is empty. I acknowledge the barrenness you're describing as the only thing you can see right now—but know that even if this is overwhelming, it's proof that the text itself is full. The fact that so many people, for good and evil, have touched it and transformed it, the fact that you desire connection with it, means that it is not empty. There would be nothing there for you to want to reclaim—but you're asking.

I think it would be really interesting for you to find the humanity in the gospels. Look for the people. Yes, these are characters told and retold—you can see the fingerprints—but they were people first. Look for people reclaiming and messing around and taking cultural things for granted and challenging other things—and live in it with them. Don't approach any of it as a solid text that exists—look at it as a living, breathing text that we all tear into. And, yes, this means people are going to twist it almost beyond recognition, but they do not have a monopoly on joining the story—you bring your experiences and your biases. Be human with it, the way that I'm sure you are with the OT, which is full of flawed, evil people who sing beautiful songs. Be human with them.

Enlarge your theological circle. Read liberation theology, queer theology, disability theology. Read the Quran, which is an amazing time that people got their hands on the NT (as well as having its own history of violence). Find different, beautiful hands that tell these stories in new ways. I can't promise you'll find beauty—that's such an emotional and personal experience. We can't force beauty out of anything. But other people have found and created beauty, and we can experience it secondhand—through stained glass, a musical, a movie, a song, a poem—not because their eyes are better than yours, but because they're also honest.

Barbara Brown Taylor (again in Holy Envy) recounts wisdom from a visiting imam, who "explained that the long lineage of Muslim scholars who have worked collaboratively for centuries to interpret the Quran in the most humane ways are more to be trusted than those who spill blood based on their own readings and ambitions." There are always other traditions, and when all we can see is a weapon, there are those who will unclench our fists. 

I would encourage you to make sure you have a NT text that has footnotes to tell you when someone is quoting the Hebrew Bible. The NT is in relationship with, building on and interpreting and philosophizing about, the OT. If you are coming from the OT, bring those verses with you, the same way Jesus and early Christian writers did. The New Testament as a body of work did not exist for the first Christians—the scriptures they had were the ones you have connected with. You're in such good company. Look at how easily Jesus quotes scripture, the verses he adds on to and interacts with, the prophecies he sees himself in. Look at the sacrifice imagery that the gospel writers use to talk about Jesus—assuming that the reader will be familiar with these themes. Even within the OT, we can see later Jewish prophets criticizing and conversing with earlier verses—humanity is constantly in conversation with itself and God. You have such a good foundation for understanding this relationship.

The other good foundation you have? Wrestling with a text. It's the ones we're in community with that are the ones we're most often in conflict with and hold to the highest standards—for Jesus, this was the Jewish community he was a part of, and for you, this might be the NT. Have beef with your own scriptures and communities and religious leaders—reclaiming and wrestling are what the gospels are about. Acts and the letters in the NT are continuously debating the relevance of various OT verses. Do hard work on a text, and do it in good company.

Carry with you the scriptures you love as you travel into unfamiliar or painted-over territory. Know that you have something to come back to, however far you g0. While wading into waters you don't understand, you know that there's land under your feet—and you know that it's land that Jesus valued, that all the people in the NT valued, even as they wrestled with it. The first verses of the NT are a genealogy from Abraham to Jesus's adoptive father. Christians see this all as one story—whether you believe that right now or not, the human story is constantly moving, and God is your solid ground. 

Jesus set down a foundation on that rock of God and Christians have added bricks to it and torn stuff down and messed around and burned it and kept building it—but you know there's God under it, because you've seen Them. So when you read Paul awkwardly shoving some bricks together and think, "That's not how I would build a community…" know that God's under there. When you read Peter denying Jesus, know that his name still means "rock," that you can still create solid ground after everything. You know where God is, and also, our lives are ever-expanding journeys of finding where else God could be. Yours looks different from the Christians who consider the NT to be that same rock, but that's okay! It's okay if the OT is a firm foundation for you, and the NT is one of the bricks. Look for God in those awkward bricks, which I know you can do because you've already done it. King David wrote the most beautiful songs I know—you don't ignore his murder and rape, you honor the whole story.

John 3:16 is a much-loved verse—but it being more important than other verses is a construct. You don't have to like it—in fact, the context of this is Jesus talking to Nicodemus, who doesn't understand what he's saying. Jesus is very familiar with confusion and even anger as a response—and he even seems to seek it out sometimes. Nicodemus comes to him as a genuine student, and Jesus starts going on about being born again, something that his new student seems to have no foundation for. Oh, to be a confused new student rather than someone whose had "being born again" held over my head! I wish I could come to the idea with no baggage! I wish I had no foundation for that idea, so I could start over—which would, perhaps, come closer to what Jesus is saying than any evangelical teaching. 

Take care, keep trudging. Whatever path this brings you to, whatever communities you end up building, know that with God as the foundation, even awkward haphazard fingerprinted ripped-up texts can tell stories that we need to hear. I can't take away the associations you have with these texts, but I can pray you create new ones. Learn new songs, meet new characters. Get your hands messy. 

Don't force a positive relationship—what people have done with the text is a barrier to you right now, and this might be more of a journey with a barrier than a going through it. There are pieces of barriers I've broken open that come with me when I revisit those verses. You already have a more honest relationship with all of this than so many others, and you have the skills already to know that it is God, not the world's followers, that you want. 

I hope this wasn't long-winded nonsense, and I hope something here resonates. The short answer (which I probably should have put at the beginning) is that yes, I've experienced something like this. The year I couldn't read the Bible without panicking, I cried while watching The Prince of Egypt. In the years after that, I almost came back to it like I was converting—reading the basics, starting from scratch. Growing up and becoming purposely Christian (rather than your parents exactly) is a kind of conversion, and you have to reclaim the texts, and ask God to reclaim you as you are now. 

Isaiah 55:10-11 tells us that God's word pours out like rain, and never returns empty. It sticks with us until something grows inside us. And John begins his gospel by telling us that the word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. This is a living word, one that cried and got angry and fell in love with his friends and participated in a culture and wrestled with God's will and interpreted scripture and was a person with us. You'll have to forgive Christianity for being so human—God did it first. God got his fingerprints all over us, and we wrote texts that have God's living breathing word—and also our messy hands. Thank God for your hands, and the love that they will bring. 

<3 Johanna

#gonna be so real this was 11 pages on google docs and i got it down to 6. so if you think this is too long just know this. #asks

[actuallyadhd]

hello! i just saw your recent post about procrastination as a learned behavior and had a "....oh." moment after doing a bit of research. i thought things would be fixed when i got on meds, and they weren't. i started realizing that the reason i confused executive dysfunction and procrastination was because dysfunction made me start to think "well, i know i'm not going to get this done, so i might as well not try" and i started pushing things to the side. this felt a lot better short term, but it's not sustainable. i'm stressed all the time, and double stressed because i can't figure out how to stop.

i've been trying to figure out a way to get myself to just do things, but i don't know how, and knowing that it's a learned behavior helps me a lot, because now i know it's possible to unlearn it. do you have any advice? thank you.

Sent October 4, 2023

I'm so glad this helped you reframe your procrastination! I know how much it can help to realize that it might be possible to change things that feel impossible to change.

There are a number of different ways to deal with procrastination. I just learned a new method that I'm going to try, called the "Solve-It Grid", that has you categorize the things you need to do based on how they make you feel. What I like about this method is that it emphasizes how much ADHDers rely on how we feel to get us through the day, and it can help us get things done by getting us to consider how we feel and how the tasks will make us feel. The idea is that if we match our tasks to how we feel, things will be easier overall.

I linked above to the article on ADDitude about it, but I actually first heard about it on YouTube, via the channel Minimalist Home (link to video). I've been trying to use the TickTick app on my phone, but I find it really anxiety-inducing to have all these scheduled tasks telling me I didn't do them.

TickTick has an Eisenhower Matrix section, and I'd tried personalizing it using a slightly different method from the usual, but it wasn't quite as helpful as I'd hoped due to the due date issue. So now I've redone it and changed the requirements for each quadrant based on the Solve-It Grid. I'll try to remember to update you on how it's working out. (If you decide to try TickTick and would like help personalizing the Eisenhower Matrix section like I did, let me know and I'll see if I can make a video showing how.)

Several years ago, I read the book The Procrastination Equation, by Piers Steel. It was really good and had lots of interesting information in it. He talks about the different reasons people procrastinate and how to deal with each reason. He never hits on the whole executive dysfunction/ADHD part of it that affects us, but I found that if I applied his methods half the battle was done. As in, the ADHD part was still an issue, but the non-ADHD part was dealt with. Because as much as we all like to pretend that ADHD is the problem, the fact is that we aren't just ADHD. We have lots of other stuff going on in our heads, and those impact our functioning as well. I took loads of notes and am happy to share what I learned in a dedicated post if people are interested. (I thought I might have posted it already but I can't find it, and my notes are on my personal LJ so I can copy them over easy.)

-J

#adhd #actually adhd #asks #anonymous #procrastination

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Why hello! I don’t see why we can’t keep the Top 5 trend alive in the new year so…

From one chronic rewatcher to another, what are your top 5 most rewatched scenes?

Sorry this took so long, @wen-kexing-apologist! I'm just now getting back to posting a bit more regularly after the holidays got me totally off track, and this question brought up a lot of Thoughts so I've been chipping away at it for weeks.

So, um, this is the best question ever. Except it’s the meanest question ever, because I'm terrible at choosing between things like this.

I am a massive rewatcher, whether you’re talking about whole series, episodes, or scenes. Scenes especially. Why watch an entire thing when you can go right for the best part/s and watch them over and over? This is also one of the reasons I have way too many gifs saved on my phone.

I thought about coming up with a list that was based more on what would make a good post, and/or what would make me look less uncool, than what I actually rewatch the most. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted to be honest instead. So at the risk of seeming even more like an Utsukare obsessive and overall one-trick pony, I'm going to talk about the five scenes I think I've actually rewatched the most, even though four of them are from my perennial obsession.

The four Utsukushii Kare scenes are in the order they occur in the series, not from most rewatched to least. Then I'll talk about a fifth scene from another series that I've been pretty vocal about appreciating, and I'll mention some runners-up.

“who do you like, him or me?”

If gif posts are any indication—gifs are the smallest increment of rewatching, after all—some of my favorite scenes to rewatch aren’t that popular with other rewatchers. This one gets gif’ed, sure, as you can see. But it's not as popular a choice for this kind of treatment as a lot of other Utsukare scenes.

There are a few reasons this one is a favorite of mine. One is that I tend to like some jealousy in my romance. I have my theories about why it’s so appealing to me specifically, but I’m not entirely sure how to explain it. I also love a good aggressive shirt-grab. (Utsukare certainly delivers these regularly.) But the main reason I keep coming back to this moment is that in just a few sentences, a bunch of character development happens. Well, I guess it would be more correct to call it character revelation. This is the first time we really see this side of Kiyoi, and in that respect, it foreshadows the big perspective shift that’s just around the corner. The viewer picks up a lot of hints that Kiyoi has feelings for Hira prior to this point (even if Hira remains stubbornly oblivious to them). We’ve even seen Kiyoi kiss Hira already (even if he did push him to the ground a split second later). But this is the first time we see such direct evidence of the strength of his feelings for Hira. Kiyoi is so unguarded for this brief moment. The mask slips and what’s underneath is total desperation.

Hira, of course, misses the real meaning of what Kiyoi is saying despite how obvious it is. Which means it's also the viewers’ first indication of how intensely Hira clings to his favored view of reality in the face of evidence to the contrary.

"sorry I like you"

This is another scene where so much is happening in a short span, all because Kiyoi got desperate enough to talk about all of the unspoken bullshit between him and Hira. As usual, Hira doesn’t get it. But he might be starting to. 

This scene is pretty rough watching in some ways. When this episode first aired and it ended with this scene followed by each of them on their own and feeling terrible, I was a bit of a mess. It was silly of me to worry. There were plenty of favorable signs in the preview for the finale. I knew the novels had a happy ending. But it was just so sad and so real that it got to me anyway. But I also enjoyed it, because for an obsessive analyzer like myself, seeing these important relationship dynamics finally come to the surface in such concentrated form was fascinating. It was also a relief to see things out in the open.

Both leads turn in such great performances here. Yagi Yusei really steps up. It’s even more impressive given his relative lack of acting experience. His performance is so raw and affecting. If he had been less vulnerable, Kiyoi’s point about how contradictory Hira’s actions and statements are could seem like a kind of “gotcha” moment designed to win an argument--like he was pointing out that Hira was hypocritical in a bid to score points. Instead, Yagi shows viewers how deeply being caught in this double bind with Hira has hurt Kiyoi. 

Hagiwara Riku, in contrast, portrays Hira as so confused that he’s basically dissociated. Hira has a really strong tendency to see the world in whatever way suits him, regardless of the truth. Kiyoi’s words force Hira to set his usual narrative aside and see how much clinging to it is hurting the person he claims to love, and it throws him off to such an extent that he seems to be experiencing a form of psychomotor slowing. He looks like he’s moving through molasses. He can’t form sentences, or at times, even words. His normally expressive eyes seem like they’ve shrunk to half their normal size. He’s really come unmoored, and it shows. The more I think about Hagiwara’s work in this scene the more impressed I am by the insight and physical control he had to bring to bear in order for it to work. 

Of course, if I watched this scene on its own habitually, this level of blorbo distress might take a toll on my mental health. Which is why I usually follow it up with…

"I'm not going to kiss you for a while"

I’m busting out the bullet points for this one because otherwise it might take me all day.

This scene works on so many levels!

Well, the main ones are:

Relationship progress! Character growth! 

The whole kiss fakeout thing is hot

Hira gets some payback and frankly, he deserves it

The other highlights for me are: 

Even after repeated viewings and knowing very well what happened in the story, I still feel kind of relieved to see that Kiyoi came back, especially right after rewatching the scene prior to this one. 

When Kiyoi asks Hira why he thinks he came home and he says, “to punch me?" he does it in the most weirdly cute way.

Kiyoi’s absolutely lethal snotty face/voice when he response to the possibility of punching Hira with “maybe” is so perfect that it's hard not to think that Hira might have a point about this whole King deal. 

Hira apologizes and it’s actually sincere and not just some knee-jerk bullshit. 

The way Hira closes his eyes and waits for Kiyoi to smack him is a rare case of him actually letting go and putting himself in Kiyoi’s hands instead of his usual topping-from-the-bottom thing.

More about the kiss fakeout:

Hagiwara does a great job of telegraphing Hira’s expectant response. In scenes where two characters are going to kiss but get interrupted, it's not uncommon to see a kind of hesitation or other subtle signal that the actor knows the kiss isn't going to happen. But there's none of that here. Hagiwara even does this sort of gulp/swallow thing like he thinks the kiss is going to start any moment. When the kiss doesn't materialize, he nails an absolutely pitifiul sad puppy expression.

Kiyoi’s vulnerable voice and facial expression when he explains about the kissing boundary thing is so sincere and cute. Could he be any more different from season 1 episode 1 Kiyoi?

I’ve written about how the no-kissing-until-Hira-takes-Kiyoi-seriously policy might seem like a controlling move or an inappropriate ultimatum to some viewers but it actually better resembles what Harriet Lerner calls a “bottom line,” resulting in a boundary that is not only justifiable but downright healthy…or almost healthy, at least. It's a bit on the extreme side, and the fakeout part remains a little mean. But they're understandable given what Hira has put Kiyoi through. 

Here's my s2e4 writeup that includes that discussion:

“sorry, Kiyoi”

So, I’ve already written quite a bit about this scene. In one instance, I wrote a propaganda blurb when it was in bl brackets’s kiss bracket.

Here's the original blurb I wrote for @bl-bracket when I nominated the scene, as used in the post where people voted:

Hira and Kiyoi Final Kiss: "It’s an important plot point (because Kiyoi has said he won’t kiss Hira until he stops putting him on a pedestal and now Hira is making progress on that front, and because Hira hasn’t initiated physical stuff in the past, and initiating is itself a way of treating Kiyoi more like an equal). It’s also just a really well-acted and effectively shot kiss, and as a result it communicates so much about the characters and shows a side of their relationship not portrayed elsewhere in the show. And of course, it’s super hot. That includes the kind of weird but suggestive details that are typical of the show, like Hira passing candy/candy spit to Kiyoi through the kiss and then switching into this really distinct sexy voice that makes it sound almost as if he’s changing personalities."

And here's an additional, longer propaganda post I wrote to lobby for votes:

One of the points I tried to make in that post about why this scene is special was that it really does represent a leap forward in how both leads portrayed intimacy in this series. Prior to this scene, viewers had seen a dead fish kiss on graduation day, a more intense makeout situation in the season 1 finale that was shot so impressionistically that it was often hard to tell exactly what the actors were doing, and some interrupted kisses earlier in season 2. And then this happened. Here's a quote from what I wrote previously:

Personally, despite being a fan of both actors and thinking they did amazing work on the series, until I saw this scene I really didn't know if they had it in them, if they could actually pull off something that felt real. But they brought it. They're not holding back. As opposed to more stylized kisses you see in BLs and other romance dramas sometimes, I found it very naturalistic, like the way a couple of real kids in their early 20s would kiss.

So, yeah. I thought it showed real growth on the part of the actors as individuals and as a pairing/team.

This scene also caused me to dig deeper, with the help of some very knowledgeable mutuals, into what “persistent” and “cute” mean in a sexual context in Japan. My main post about that is below.

Noticing Hagiwara's use of Hira's "persistent voice" also helped me to notice something else when I checked out his other work, and that is that he often uses his voice in very different ways in different roles. I recently watched a drama he did before Utsukare and I was struck by this all over again. Again, it shows a really impressive degree of control.

And now, for our one non-Utsukare scene in the top 5:

"I'm trying to seduce you"

I also wrote a nomination blurb about this scene for the kiss bracket. (If you're seeing a pattern here, well, yeah, it's a pattern.) The original voting post here but I'll go ahead and quote it in its entirety since it's pretty short.

This kiss is ridiculously hot and is a culmination of so much that’s been simmering beneath the surface for the entire show up to that point. Togawa has been pining so hard for Nozue for so long that when Nozue gives him a glimmer of hope and then tries to leave, everything he’s been bottling up comes surging out. Kimura Tatsunari exudes a level of desperate lustfulness in this scene that’s as intense as anything I’ve seen in any genre. We’re all familiar with the idea that people look at a person’s mouth when they want to kiss them, but Togawa looks at Nozue’s mouth like he dreams about it every night and sees it every time he closes his eyes. No wonder he feels a need to stick his thumb in there. Takeda Kouhei also communicates so much in this scene. Nozue is shocked and confused but he can’t help but respond to Togawa’s kisses. You can see the gears turning—and refusing to turn—as he tries to make sense of what’s happening—and keeps kissing Togawa back even though he still can’t process it. Togawa’s declaration, “I’ve been trying to seduce you, with everything I have,” is the cherry on top.

There's another bit of subtle physical communication here that I find interesting, and I think you might too, @wen-kexing-apologist. Just recently I've been thinking about the meaning, in kissing scenes, of what for lack of a better term I'll call the head-bonk. By this I mean the thing where one person puts their forehead against the other person's, often with at least a tiny bit of an impact that renders it a bonk rather than, like, just touching them together. Togawa kisses Nozue once, then a second time, and then goes in for a third that Nozue avoids by sinking toward the floor. The third kiss doesn't happen, but when Togawa starts to initiate it he does an absolutely sublime head-bonk. I'm still figuring out what I think about the head-bonk thing. All I know is that, from my vantage point, that little move on Kimura's part practically screams "I've been holding this back for five goddamn years and I can't wait one more second to kiss this person."

Runners-up and honorable mentions:

Semantic Error:

Their first kiss in the restaurant after Jae Young calls Sang Woo "hyung" - I have watched this so much that if I had been asked for my top 6 this would have been #6.

Jae Young demonstrating the features of the "free trial"

Minato’s Laundromat (season 1, of course):

Shin freaking out about Minato being alone with Hanabusa

The washing machine kabedon

The “smelling the sheets” scene

Kiseki (I just watched this for the first time a week or so ago and I have already done so much scene-rewatching it's ridiculous):

That incredibly angsty sex scene with Ai Di and a drunk Chen Yi, you know the one

Chen Yi's confession to a physically restrained Ai Di

The scene at Ai Di's bar where Chen Yi puts him in a double kabedon

Ai Di and Chen Yi's conversation after Ai Di gets out of prison, where he says he fucked Chen Yi "just for fun" and offers to let him do stuff to him as "revenge"

Ai Di trying to scare Chen Yi by stroking his chest and asking him if he wants to "play" and then getting weirded out when Chen Yi asks, "What if I say yes?"

Jheruei and Zongyi's first real kiss and subsequent A+ lap-sitting moment

And as a bonus, here's my most-rewatched non-QL moment:

There's a scene I'm obsessed with in Something in the Rain where Jun Hui comes to Jin A's home and sees her ex-boyfriend there with her and her parents, lobbying to get back together and manhandling her, and he reacts exactly the way you'd expect as someone to who's in love with Jin A. It is tattooed on my brain. If I ever learn to make gifs I am gif'ing the fuck out of that scene.

#obsessive rewatching #utsukushii kare #utsukushii kare meta #old fashion cupcake #hagiwara riku #yagi yusei #kimura tatsunari #takeda kouhei #BL asks meme #semantic error #kiseki: dear to me #minato's laundromat #something in the rain

[wrotelovelytears]

They stare cause they know

IT Girl from ATL

👀Honestly I'm grateful for this Saturn in Pisces transit. I've learned so much about myself and the world around me from isolation. I'm not going to lie and say it's been easy because my mental health has taken various directions and without this time completely alone, I would never have the personal understanding I do now.

‍💀This transit has been about learning to be alone and what it means to be oneself. I see this as a preparation for the Saturn in Aries transit which entails taking those lessons learned and helping others with it through leadership. And I will be starting my Saturn return then too

👀I've noticed as we get closer and closer to Neptune in Aries the world gets more and more... Violent. Like there's no other word to describe it but just pure malice floating in the air. While I could use only astrology to explain it, I'm not going to pretend like there's no big social things that happened that are also making the world this way. Ever since the beginning of the pandemic human behavior has taken a turn for the worse. Add in "forced" isolation from the masses and you get a world ripe for conflict. Yes Neptune is about illusions and honestly it shifting to a more active sign, yeah we might just have to take that L collectively.

👀 I also peeped we will have Aries ruling Neptune, the North Node and Saturn all at the same time at some point. Not saying the world gonna end or nothing, just saying prepare to see more of the current things you see.

👀 So are we gonna talk about how everyone was going the Age of Aquarius is gonna push society forward in good ways just to end up having degenerate behavior become the norm. I understand that Aquarius is the sign of change and "futurism" and it also is the sign of headassery individuality to extremes. Aries is more about individuals leading (ie group work) while Aquarius is more individuality rediscovered and using that to lead (being yourself and that making change). Unless we all course correct this newfound sense of hyper individuality the world is gonna get worse.

Y'all my sons

👀Since my solar return is coming up (this may or may not be posted around or on it), I want to reflect on my past solar return chart. (I will be using whole sign and sidereal chart as a heads up if your wondering why certain planets are in certain signs)

‍💀This time last year I was working two jobs at once, two separate times, I'm blaming my first house mars. Like I have never in my life made a decision so short sighted and yet I managed it because not only is my mars in my first house but Taurus as well. I'm stubborn already but when I was told it was impossible to do both, yeah I doubled down.

🤭That Taurus Mars also made me very conscious about my appearance and how I see myself. This wasn't a negative thing however, I've done so many things to change my appearance to fit the version of me I think is best. Including getting various piercings, doing another big chop (also didn't want long hair no more), buying clothes that made me feel attractive and saying more affirmations in the mirror. The biggest change (that I had little to do with) was finally achieving my body goals. With it being in a 29 degree, I believe this is almost certainly my final form.

‍💀I find it funny how my Moon is in the 22° (which is also the natal degree it's in) and in Cancer because when I tell you I fucking cried all the time and for everything. I did. I know I'm naturally very sensitive but it's like someone turned the dial up and broke it. This has led me to happy tears as well. I also did emotional eat a lot or vice versa. I think combining this with Taurus Mars did make me a little more suspectable to food and emotion related ups and downs.

🤭I also made a lot of progress in therapy due to just wanting to finally process and get over certain shit. I'm going to say the third house holding it is what made me more willing to talk. However this also led to me randomly remembering some tragic thing that happened to me at some random ass time and going "wow, that's kinda fucked... Whomp whomp".

‍💀The crazy thing about this entire transit year is starting it off with a head injury that's kinda led to some long-term neurological issues. Literally didn't even get a day into the year and got the shit knocked out of me because Aries wanted to chill in the 12th house.

🤭Even though I had to stop working due to multiple head and neurological injuries, I at least learned what jobs, bosses, and work environments I do and don't like. I also learned how to easily see when someone is not in my corner and rather be headstrong then correct.

‍💀My MC happened to be in Capricorn that year and yeah, I definitely worked my ass off. I wanted to focus on longevity and stability. That's honestly been my theme this year (and moving forward). That did mean I might've let my relationships struggle because I was working and constantly outside.

‍💀Back to appearance (let me be vain in peace), my Sun and Aphrodite transiting the 6th house probably played a big role in why appearance was so important to me. Having them being in Libra made it just double down.

💀As I am editing this I also have my Ascendant in the 6°, I already said my current sixth house is ruled by Libra so yeah. Being hot n sexy was my goal this year. I achieved cute and "uwu" in the end tho.

‍💀This has honestly been the first year (since I was like... 12) that I haven't had any type of romantic relationship, I think this leads back to Saturn being in Pisces mostly. I also think it's me having a Scorpio Venus (which happens in my natal chart) but in the seventh house. See that's squares my natal Venus despite being in the same sign. {Actually my whole chart this year squares my natal but that's not the topic at hand.} I honestly didn't know what to do in the beginning of the year, I wanted a relationship and understood how important they are to me (sorry I'm a romantic at heart, I love love and being in love. Transiting the seventh duhh) AND I did almost no work to seek one out partially due to things I had to work out from my past (there's that pesky Scorpio in me popping up). Anytime I was approached for a romantic partnership I automatically questioned the person's intent and if it was self fulfilling prophecy or my intuition being OP, I never had anything pan out. In the beginning that annoyed me and I realized one I wasn't done doing work on my lack of trust in people, two seventh house rules open enemies and them people did not have my best interest at heart.

‍💀My Jupiter was in retrograde which could've played a part in why I dropped most of the spiritual aspects of my life and tried to raw dog it. That was a terrible idea, I ain't never felt so lost before lmao. While I could have religious talks, the spiritual aspect was lacking. It was like belief without practice for me and that's not really believing. As the year is coming to a close I've been getting more "lucky" and spiritual again. I had to learn that certain aspects of my life just work and others don't. And that my definition of my religious beliefs are vastly different than what others of my faith might be.

🤭All in all I learned the lesson of the importance of individuality within community. Not community without individuality. Or individuality before community.

‍💀Another reason for my struggle with religion, spirituality and all that was Saturn being in my 9th house. My will to continue higher education and be involved in anything literally besides work was gone. Now my life long dream has been multiple PhDs but when I tell you I avoided any conversation around finishing my first degree, one PhD was looking real unattainable.

‍💀Saturn really beat my ass this year as it was also the ruler of current profection. Hopefully my luck will truly change (in literally every aspect of life at this point) by the time my Jupiter year comes around.

‍💀Another note about my third house Moon, I fell back in love with the things of my childhood. That included gaming, socializing (on my own accord), "weird core" related things like the backrooms and analog horror and so on. The moon transiting certain houses can honestly unlock new (or old) things about you that bring comfort.

‍💀I'm a fixed Dom in my natal chart so being a Cardinal Dom for a year has been very exhausting. I'm used to finishing and quickly learning things. The way I was constantly tested this year had me always on edge. I think it is a good thing however because even though I did end quiet a few things, I also picked (back) up even more things. This has been a year of change without bounds (thanks Aries Uranus ), change that was honestly needed.

‍💀My chart is also pretty evenly distributed. Like I wasn't lacking fire, earth, water or air which explain why change was whooping my water Dom ass. Yes I know water ain't still (even ice isn't unless absolutely 0), and damn how do the fire and air people live like this? I could barely take a break to process anything. I had to process on the move and always be on it.

🤭I'm hoping next year it's more relaxed and stable, I can't handle all this change and movement.

‍💀Funny how my PoF was in Leo fourth and I worked with kids. It was beyond rewarding because I witnessed everything from first steps and words to the start of public (or private) school.

🤭Ceres might have also played a role in how invested I was in my jobs and the children I worked with. However my ovaries might have been on one because I started wanting to have a baby myself and that really isn't a good decision at the moment.

🤭Ceres also might have helped me connect more with my own mother as well which surprised quite a few people but I'd say it's been worth it. Learning how to mother myself has been greatly useful and even helpful with understanding my own.

‍💀This year I found out that I'm Chinese, Japanese and Peruvian, through DNA testing (again). And while doing so caused both my parents to have an identity crisis, I knew of my Asian heritage and somewhat of an Indigenous one as well. Problem is the countries were all wrong from family stories. (At the end of the day I'm still Black, that hasn't changed at all). I find it unironic China and Tokyo conjunction in my 8th house while Inca (what I used as a Peru substitute) chills in my third (almost second). To further that China and Tokio trine my Ceres and yes it is my mom that's half Chinese Japanese (and Vietnamese but couldn't find nothing for Vietnam, we taking what we get). And Inca trine my Jupiter (which I personally associate with my Father because he's a Pisces). My parents on the other hand hate this news because it did bring up old things they wanted to bury in their past (8th house coming through). My only lasting question is how the hell-

💀See I had a strange aversion to taking pictures of myself and even moreso posting the ones I did take. Turns out my Photographica was conjunction my Saturn and opps with my Moon. Anytime I'd take a picture I'd automatically feel disgusted with it despite feeling "pretty". Self image has been difficult this year, despite a lot of improvement.

Asteroids mentioned: Ceres(4)(ur mom) , Photographica(443), Aphrodite(1388), China(1125), Inca(8275), Tokio(498)

This my first actual post in idk how long. This year was.. A lot for me on a personal and societal level. While astrology may not be my source of a ton of dopamine anymore, it's still an interest to me. There's so much organizing I have to do with this page, so please be patient with me as I try to get back into the swing of things.

(If you learned something new or would just like to support me you can leave a wittle tip via the tip button or one of the links in my masterlist. Kofi: nymphdreams🧸)

#astro tumblr #astroblr #astrology #astro notes #astro observations #asteroid astrology #solar return #nymph writes astrology #its been a while #saturn #Aquarius

[wonderland-smile-stories]

~ Chapter 2. 02 ~

I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes and how poorly written this fanfic is. English is not my first language and together with my dyslexia ass things can go wrong I'm sorry.

I watch as Hyun-su slides down against the wall opposite of me, taking out his phone from his pocket. I was still trying to control my breath from what just happened with my head facing the floor when I heard Hyun-su talk. 

"I might as well just kill myself now."

A frown came on my face while I lifted my head.

"What?" I breathe out?

"At least then." He paused for a second before continuing.

"I can die a human being."

the whole time he was looking at his phone not giving me one look.

I was about to tell him he shouldn't do it. At least not yet, when I heard voices coming from outside the window. With a confused look, I stood up and walked to the window.

Carefully I pushed the curtains to the side looking if anything was in front of the window but there was nothing. I thought I just imagined it when I heard it again.

"What's that?" Hyun-su came standing beside me clearly hearing it as well.

I swallow thickly and with shaky hands, I slide the window open. The both of us looked outside trying to see if we could see the source of the voices.

"Look," Hyun-su whispered.

My eyes traveled down to where he was looking and saw a man hanging outside the window with ropes. What the hell was he doing? A little girl's voice was heard before we could see her head peeking out the window. The man looked up at her and that's when I recognized them.

"Mister Kim?"

I could see Hyun-su looking at me out of the corner of my eyes.

"You know them?" I nodded my head looking up.

"Yeah. I sometimes babysit his children. Su-yeong and Yeong-Su. They don't have a mom anymore and Mister Kim has to do it all on his own. So sometimes I babysit them when he has to go to work and stuff." I explain, before looking back at them.

The moment I looked back at them, my eyes widened. A monster, an eyeball-looking monster came from behind something right toward them. I heard Hyun-su saying get out of there, but the monster was already beside Mister Kim.

The moment he laid eyes on the monster his grip on the rope lossen before losing it completely.

His scream together with the kids filled the air while he fell. I felt Hyun-su look away, but I couldn't. His screaming was soon replaced with an awful sound when he hit the ground. My legs were shaking underneath me while tears began to fill my eyes.

The kids were screaming for their dad which quickly changed to just regular screaming when the eyeball monster appeared in front of their open window.

"Su-Yeong, Yeong-Su," I whisper looking down in shock from what just happened.

Someone grabbed my shoulder pulling me away from the window. I blink a few times before seeing Hyun-su close the window and the curtains.

The both of us were breathing heavily, trying to process what the hell we just saw. In the background, I could hear the kids screaming in fear, but I couldn't move I was just looking at the closed window.

Something inside of me was screaming to do something, to just move, but I couldn't.

The light of the outside hit my face making me snap out of my daze. I watch as Hyun-su throws his computer screen out the window.

I was about to walk to him asking why he just did that when the sound of hitting something filled my ears. Hyun-su jumped back closing the window quickly, making me more confused.

I took a step forward, but he quickly moved away from the window taking me with him.

"What.." I try to say, but he just puts a hand on my mouth cutting me off. My hand went to his trying to protest when the ringing in my ears came again, followed by a shadow casting over my face from the outside.

My eyes widened when I saw the eyeball monster standing in front of our window. Hyun-su let go of me to pick up the stick he had laid somewhere before moving back to where I was standing.

The two of us stood there looking at the monster while it looked at us up and down. I was scared that if we would move, it would do something.

Its head turned around revealing another eye, who looked more pissed than the other one before it burst through the window.

Before it could reach us Hyun-su had stabbed it in its eyes. While it was injured and trying to see again we ran to the door when I felt something smacking my body into the wall knocking the air or of me.

I tried to open my eyes and see what was happening, but when I did everything was blurry. I moved my arms around trying to sit back up, yet it felt like they were made out of jello.

A scream left my mouth making me cover myself with my arms when I heard something like a canon go off, followed by something hitting the floor and Hyun-su gasping and coaching. Removing my arms I try to blink more together by rubbing my eyes and slowly my vision for better.

It was still a little woozy, but I could see things clearing up. My head shot to Hyun-su and saw that he stood up from the ground moving to the window. A frown came to my face before also stood up to follow him. Standing still for a moment when I saw the eyeball part of the monster lying on the ground in front of me.

"Mister Han," I said relieved seeing him sitting on the window with what looked like a self-made weapon. We watch as he puts his weapon back inside before coming back with a bottle, gulping some down while looking at us.

"W..who is that?" Hyun-su asked from behind me.

"Your neighbor who saved our lives," I mutter out still a little in shock from what just happened.

I hear Hyun-su opening his mouth to say something, but Mister Han quickly puts a finger to his mouth telling us to be quiet. The both of us nodded before his body disappeared back inside for a second before coming back out with a board in his hand.

'They might come if they hear anything.'

He went back inside before coming back with another board with writing on it.

'Those things don't die.'

"No shit," I mutter out, thinking back at the almost decapitated grey monster.

He nodded his head downwards, which made both of us look. An audible gasp left my mouth when we saw a body lying on the ground with a long, but I mean really long neck. Suddenly it sat up while the neck detached itself from its body before standing up and walking away.

My eyes followed how it stumbled on without any problem. My eyes went back to the window of the kids, trying to see if I could see one of them, but I could only hear them scream for their dad.

"Mi-na," Hyun-su whispered from behind me.

I gave him a soft hmm looking back at him.

"Look." He pointed back at where Mister Han was making me look at him.

Again he had a board in his hand, but now there were different words on it.

"Do you want to save those kids?" I whisper out loud.

Previous Chapter ~ Next Chapter

#sweet home #sweet home fanfic #sweet home netflix #sweet home x reader #sweet home x you #fanfic #sweet home x oc #cha hyunsu #cha hyun su #cha hyunsoo #cha hyun soo #cha hyun su x oc #cha hyun su x reader #cha hyunsu x you #cha hyunsu x reader #original character #lee eunhyeok #lee eun hyeok #lee eun hyuk #lee eunhyuk #lee eunyu #lee eun yu #lee eunyoo #lee eun yoo #yoon jisu #yoon ji su #yoon jisoo #yoon ji soo #pyeon sangwook #pyeon sang wook

[sissyndfw]

Derek and His Big Irresistible Cock

There I was on the couch with my skirt hiked up and a big black dildo in my ass. I was surfing Tumblr looking at all the cute guys imagining how good their cock would feel as I pressed my ass down into the silicone balls on my fake cock when I heard the doorbell. Ohh fuck, who the fuck is this, I thought to myself. I almost had a fucking orgasm as my ass squeezed the dildo when I saw it was Derek, Sarah's boyfriend. My mind went into a spin as I had flashbacks of him fucking my brains out a few weeks ago. Hold on Derek, I said, I didn't know what to do so I posted a questionnaire on Tumblr for advise. yes--my--sir messaged me immediately "It is already too late. You might as well enjoy it one more time before things turn south. 🥰" and then Daddysawesome93 said "Take his cock". Everyone was hitting the fuck him option on the questionnaire. I guess that settled it.

I thought to myself, fuck it, yolo, so I pulled myself up off my big toy and made my way to the door adjusting my skirt as I walked slowly, my legs were shaking from bouncing on my dildo. I opened the door and said hi Derek as I bit my lip, do you want to come inside, I reached out and took his hand and we walked inside. What are you doing over here I asked. I had lunch with my friend Thomas in downtown, he responded, he lives in the building so I thought I would stop by and say hi. Ohh cool I replied, do you want to chill with me for a little bit or do you have to go? I'm off work today he said, I can hang out. I felt myself blushing as I realized we were still holding hands.

I turned and led him into the living room pulling him down onto the couch next to me. What's this he asked as he held up my big black dildo. Looks like I interrupted some fun, he laughed. Ohh my God, I'm so embarrassed, I exclaimed. It's okay Jessica, I know you're a horny little slut, he responded. I giggled as I grinned at him, I can't help it, I said in an innocent voice. Show me, he requested as he held it in his lap, pretending it was his cock.

I pushed him back on the couch as I climbed up on all fours. I dropped my head down into his lap and started sucking the dildo. He was holding the base above the balls so I could only get half of it in my mouth so I pushed my lips down against his fingers and let my drool leak out all over his hand. You're so good at sucking cock Jessica, he said. The other day when you gave me head, that was the best blowjob I've ever had in my life, he went on, the way you took my whole cock and swallowed my cum, it was fucking amazing. I popped the dildo out of my mouth and looked up at him, will you let me do it again, I begged. Ohh you want some more of my big black cock, he asked cockily. Take your fucking pants off, I demanded as I grabbed the dildo from his hand, I want to drain your balls.

Derek stood up and began undressing and I flipped over on my back. I took the dildo and slid it back into my boipussy pressing the balls up against my ass as I rocked my hips up and down letting the tip rub into my prostate. I licked my lips as Derek pulled his boxers down exposing his big thick cock, it was just swinging back and forth as he climbed on the couch with me. He was on his knees hovering over my face staring down at me as I played with my ass. He rubbed his tip across my lips as I turned my head upwards. I kissed the bottom of his cock and ran my tongue down his tip along the bottom of his shaft.

Derek's big cock was starting to get hard as he slid his big swollen tip into my mouth . My lips stretching around his head as he moved back and forth letting me wrap my tongue around the end of his dick. The taste of his precum was making my little sissy cock get hard as I rocked my hips up letting the dildo slip deeper inside me. You're not wearing your sissy cage, Derek asked, pulling his cock out of my mouth so I could answer. I didn't know you were coming over, do you want me to put it on, I asked. No, he replied, I like watching your little gurl cock throb as he slid his BBC back into my mouth pushing it to the back of my throat.

I moaned with excitement and I tilted my head further up. I let go of the dildo causing it to pop out of me and I reached up grabbing Derek's hips and pulled him all the way into my mouth. His big balls landed right on my face as he buried his massive cock in me. I slapped his ass and he started rocking his hips driving his cock in and out of my throat. My mouth was making loud gagging noises as Derek started groaning and his cock started throbbing.

I wasn't ready for this to end so I pushed him back to catch my breath and his throbbing cock popped free from my mouth, thick spit dripping all over my face. I grabbed his cock and started stroking him, sucking his tip with my lips. Fuuuck, Derek exclaimed, you are such a beautiful cocksucker. Use the toy on my ass while you face fuck me, I begged as I grabbed my knees and pulled them up to my chest.

Derek slid his wet cock back into my mouth and reached down grabbing the dildo. I wiped some of the thick slobber from my face and smeared it across my boipussy getting it really wet. He slid the big black dildo into my ass and started thrusting the full length in and out as he drove his hips forward pushing his balls back into my face. I moaned in extacy as he sped up, slamming the toy dick right into my cum button over and over. My cock was throbbing so hard as I started to orgasm. I pulled my knees further up and I let go with one hand grabbing my pulsating cock as thick waves of cum streamed out hitting Derek's abs and my face, it coved his cock as it thrusted in and out of my mouth.

I could taste my cum as Derek exclaimed, ohh shit. He slammed the dildo into my ass balls deep and was using it as a handle, he started fucking my throat as hard as he could moaning in pleasure. I could tell he liked having my cum on him as he fucked my sloppy mouth. My cum was everywhere now as his sticky balls slapped into my face smearing it all over me.

Derek's big black cock swelled as he cried out, I'm going to cum. He wrapped his arms around my waist collapsing on top of me in a 69 position as his hips convulsed driving his cock deep into my throat. I relased my legs and grabbed his ass. We both moaned together as he started pumping hot cum into my tummy. He pulled the dildo hard driving both it and his dick as deep as they would go at the same time as he flooded me with even more cum. I couldn't handle it as another orgasm hit me, my soft cock squirting another thick load onto my stomach. Derek took my little clitty into his mouth and sucked the last few spurts of cum out of me as he slid his big black cock out of my mouth.

He raised up and looked down at me, you are fucking hot, he said as he grabbed the base of his cock and pressed his balls, pumping one last big glob of sperm right into my mouth. I swallowed his cum and looked up at him, I love your fucking cock. I reached up and kissed the tip, we made a fucking mess, I said, let's go take a shower.

#sissy for bbc #transgurl #bbc #eat my entire ass #eat my pussy #faggot sissy #femboys #free use slvt #gangb4ng

[bteezxyewriter12]

Rapper

Pairing- Yoongi x Named Reader

Word count- 5.2k

Includes- Oral, pussy eating, cum eating, blow job, deepthroating, riding, missionary, multiple orgasms, fluffy fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@borntowalkaway @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @seokwoosmole @meowmeowminnie

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝BTS Masterlist 📝Yoongi Masterlist

J POV

"You're so full of shit", I inform my best friend, Yoongi, rolling my eyes at him

"I'm really not", he answers, lazily, "It's what's said about rappers. After all we have to talk really fast"

"That doesn't mean shit", I argue, "It's just like the saying dancers are the best in bed"

He thinks for a moment, "Eh I'd say gymnasts are the best in bed. More flexible"

"Fuck you Yoongi. I'm flexible"

"Not as flexible as a gymnast"

I snort, "Where will you ever meet a gymnast? Oh yeah never"

"I meet more people than you", he shoots back

I can't argue with that

But I'm going to anyways

"Still never met a gymnast who'll sleep with you"

He smirks cockily, "Please. I'm famous Jo. All I have to say is I'm Suga and girls will drop their panties for me"

"You're a fucking pig", I snap

He shrugs, "At least I get laid"

"So do I!", I yell

I mean I do when I want to

But I'm not about sleeping with random people

I'm not a one night stand person like he is

I don't open my legs for just anyone

"It still stands though. Rappers have the best tongues and are the best at oral"

I don't even know how we got on this argument

We were watching a movie and oh yeah, the people were having sex

And we were being asses, critiquing it

Then he said that whole rappers have the best tongue thing

Maybe they do

But him?

He doesn't even like going down on a girl so what the fuck is he bragging for?

"Right and your tongue is the best?"

"Damn right"

I just laugh, "You don't eat girls out! You hate the taste of cum! How can you say your tongue is the best?"

"Because to the select few I do, they say it's amazing"

"Wow all two girls?", I snap

"Six. Six girls smarty pants", he growls

"Guess I missed that review on Yelp", I say sarcastically

"Shut up", he snaps, "My tongue is far superior. I don't have to like the way cum tastes to be good at it"

Oh my god, he actually believes his bullshit

"You're not experienced enough to be that good"

"I'll prove it to you right now"

My heart starts racing at what he could mean

"Yeah how?", I answer back, not giving away the pounding of my heart

"I'll eat you out"

Yeah he went there

I feel my mouth drop open at this turn of events

Why would he want to do that to me?

Is my opinion that important?

I'd say no because he doesn't care what I say about other things

"You want ..uh.."

"To eat your pussy", he repeats, smirking, "I'll make you cum so much you won't know what hit you"

"Uh why? You hate eating cum"

He's said that over and over before, telling me how he spits their cum out because it tastes gross

So why is he so adamant about doing this?

"Because you're doubting me"

I really can't think as my brain is not processing the information

All I think is Yoongi, tongue, cum

"Yea fine", I hear myself say

He nods once, then shoves me down on his bed

Jesus Christ

His hands are already pulling my leggings and panties off

I feel myself getting wet just watching him take my clothes off

He moves his hands under my shirt, pushing it up and over my head

Why is he taking my shirt and now bra off?

"Uh-"

"Might as well see you completely naked. Plus after you cum a few times, I'll play with your boobs to make it better"

God he has such fucking confidence he's gonna make me cum

Once my bra is off, he looks down and I suddenly realize I'm naked and exposed

My hands immediately move over my boobs as I snap my legs closed

"No jagi, lemme see"

Total confusion comes over me when I hear him call me jagi

Jagi?

That's a name for a girlfriend

Not your best friend who you're gonna eat out

The confusion looses my hands and he pulls them off my chest

I watch his eyes rake across me and I bite my lip, suddenly feeling shy

I can't imagine that

Me, shy in front of Yoongi?

This is the guy who gave me his hoodie when I had my first period and I bled everywhere

He's the one who checked the back of my pants when it happened, telling me

This is the guy who I told all about my first time having sex

Who I still talk to about my sex life, telling him how good or bad the sex was with whoever I slept with

This is the guy who I keep no secrets from, can be my loud, obnoxious self around and who I know I can do or say anything to him and he won't ever judge me

He knows me inside and out

And I'm shy in front of him?

I'd never thought that'd ever happen in a million years

"Pretty", he says, "Sexy body"

I'm in such disbelief that he likes the way I look

My skin shivers when his fingers softly trace the only tattoo I have

A phoenix on my right ribs

Christ, his touch feels so good

After a second, he pulls his hand away like he's not supposed to be touching me this way

Instead he pulls his shirt off and I gape at him

And his hot as fuck body

I have no idea why his shirt's off

"Just in case you drench me, I don't want my shirt to be soaked", he smirks

And just like that he's a cocky asshole again

He puts his long black hair in a low ponytail and I'm just fucking awed that he can get even hotter

No fair

He grabs my ankles pulling me down the bed to the edge while he kneels down

Oh god this is actually happening

His hands grip my thighs, opening my legs wide

"Fuck yes", he groans, "God you look so good"

Never have I ever thought I'd hear Yoongi talk to me like this

Never

I'm suddenly thrown into pleasure as his tongue buries in me, swirling fast and hard

"Oh my fuck!", I scream, my body arching already

Burying my hands in his hair, I tug hard as he goes at it

My god he was right

His tongue is amazing

"Yoongi fuck, Yoongi", I cry so close already

He's that good

A few more licks is all it takes and I scream, pleasure blinding me as I explode

"Yoongi!", I yell his name, holding his face against my pussy

When it's over, my body deflates as I breath hard

His mouth pulls away and he asks, "So?"

I lift my head and when I see him in between my legs, I get horny again

Jesus

That's a hot sight

"Huh?"

"How's my tongue?", he smirks, "I think you liked it since, you know, you came almost immediately"

"It's....it's..."

How can I tell him that it was amazing?

His head will just get bigger

Plus a shy feeling overwhelms me again

"Tell the truth", he urges

"It...was the best tongue I ever had on me", I confess, "I've never been eaten out so good"

"Told you", he smirks

"Yeah yeah"

"Want more?"

I raise my eyebrow, "You want to do more?"

He's always told me that he stops after the girl has one orgasm

He nods, "You taste really good"

My heart stops, hearing his words

Did he say...I taste good ?

"Uh really? But you hate-"

"Not yours", he says so fast

"Not mine? Really?", I ask doubtfully

He nods, "Yeah. Your juice is good but you cum is the best I ever tasted. The best thing I ever tasted"

Oh my lord

I'm actually shocked into silence for a few seconds

He's saying everything that's the complete opposite of what he's been telling me for years

He hates the taste of cum but he likes mine

He doesn't go down on girls after their first orgasm but he's ready to do it to me again

Doesn't make sense

"But you said you don't like going down on girls"

"But the right girl", he says, his eyes darting to mine, then away, "I can eat her out all day. Everyday. Swallow her cum and keep going until she can't cum anymore"

My heart thumps in hope but I squash it

I can't think of him like that

Not again

Not after last time

When I thought he felt the same but then he excitedly called me telling me that he has a girlfriend

A girl he thinks he loves

And I was devastated

After that I refused to think of him like that

I locked all those feelings in a box, shoved it down inside me and never looked back

So I won't let a passing thing he said affect me

"Plus I promised you multiple orgasms and when I promise something I deliver"

Ok that's more like the Yoongi I know

"So yeah?", he asks

"Yeah", I answer

As soon as the words are out of my mouth, his mouth is on my clit sucking hard, sending me right into pleasure

"Oh Yoongi fuck", I moan, him sucking harder, "Yoongi, you're tongue fuck. God so fucking good"

He moans loudly, going harder, his fingers digging into my thighs

I notice that when I call his name or compliment him, he goes harder on me

He has a praise kink

Who would have thought?

"Yoongi, don't stop. Please", I moan, right there, "More"

He groans, sucking and tugging, sending me right into an intense orgasm

"Yoongi! Oh my god. Yoongi!", I yell, feeling so fucking good

"Fuck, so good", he moans, "God, how are you this good?"

His tongue slides down, sliding all the way inside me

I gasp, clenching on as much of his tongue as I can, my moans louder than before

Oh god, I've never experienced this before

Never had a tongue inside me

He pulls his tongue out and fuck I miss it

But I don't miss it for long when he slides it back inside

His tongue moves fast, fucking into me, my pussy tight on him every time he goes in

"Fuck!", I cry, immense pleasure all over me

I've never been tongue fucked before but God do I love it

I feel myself getting so wet and I realize he's was right to take his shirt off

"Please cum for me", he whines, his tongue not missing a stroke, "Fall apart on my tongue jagi"

The name jagi does it and when his tongue comes back inside, I clench around it, my orgasm running through me as bliss takes over and I scream his name

"Yoongi! Yoongi!"

His mouth, his tongue doesn't stop, this time wiggling inside me every thrust in

I'm fisting his hair hard, my hips having a mind of their own, snapping into his face

His hands slide up my body, holding my boobs, his thumbs playing with my nipples

I feel myself get soaked and I don't know how he's not drowning

"Fuck my face jagi. Don't stop", he whines and I realized I stopped moving

Moving my hips again, I grind into his face, his moans spurring me on

"Yoongi. I...I...", I cry, my eyes shut tight

"Mmmm", he urges, the next thrust of his tongue pushing me over the edge

He shoves his tongue in as I cum around it, my legs shake around his head, his name falling from my lips, riding the pleasure he's giving me,

God this is the best

When I finish, he pulls his tongue out, licking softly

My body relaxes on his bed, my eyes closed

I just need a minute then I'll blow him as a thank you

I startle when I feel his lips pressing kisses into my inner thighs

Uh what?

I look down, watching him kiss me slowly, wondering what the fuck is going on

He slowly rises, his lips all over my stomach, hands running up my sides

I lift my head more just in time to watch him kiss all over my tattoo

"I really really like this", he whispers, pressing his lips to my skin

Lifting my shakey hand, I softly run my fingers in his hair

I kinda messed up the ponytail

It's still on but strands are falling around his face

He's still perfect as always

He moans softly, now his lips on my skin between my boobs

"Yoongi", I whimper, breathing harder

"Oh god, fuck", he whispers, his lips wrapping around my nipple, his tongue licking

"Ohh", I moan, pleasure shooting straight to my pussy, feeling myself leaking

"Fuck your sounds are so pretty", he says, his voice deep

And fucking sexy

His mouth moves to my other nipple, sucking softly

This feels way too intimate

Especially for what it started out as him "proving" to me that his tongue is superior

And he proved that

Four times

After a few minutes on my nipple, he moves, continuing trailing kisses up my chest and onto my neck

"Ffff..fuck", I gasp, his lips on the spot that feels the best, the weight of him on top of me so good

More kisses move to my cheek, then the next thing I know, he presses his lips against mine, kissing me

Finally kissing me

And fuck, I'm not wasting this opportunity

He licks my lip and I gladly open my mouth for him, letting his tongue in

The second his tongue moves against mine, I can't help but moan

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I fall into his kiss until there's nothing in my head but him, until I can't feel anything but his mouth on mine

I knew kissing him would be amazing

I knew it

But still, I won't let those feelings out

I know this is just one time

And I'm going to take it

"Mmm jagi, gonna show me what that flexible, dancer body can do?"

Hell yes

Putting my hand on the back of his neck, I crash my lips to his, kissing him hard

He responds, kissing me back just as wildly

Running my hands down his body, I push down his sweatpants and boxers

He moves to his knees as I push them down and I get up, not wanting his lips off mine

Pushing him back, he moves, laying down while I reluctantly move back from his lips to get his bottom clothes off completely, throwing them on the floor

When I look up, I choke as I stare at his naked body

His legs, his thighs, muscular stomach and chest

His shoulders, his arms, his perfect hands

And his monster cock

Standing proud, long and thick, leaking cum

He's fucking beautiful

"Holy shit", I gape, "That's so fucking huge"

"Yeah. For you to ride", he smirks

And I can't take it, surging forward, taking his pretty cock in my mouth

"Oh god", he whines, his head lifting

Immediately sucking on him, I moan from finally having him

His cock is so big but is amazing to suck on

Pulling off, I lick his cock from base to tip, up and down

"Please jagi. Put me in your mouth", he begs

"Yeah naekkeo", I answer, hearing him moan louder

Taking him back, I shove myself down his length, burying him in my throat

It burns a little but still feels good

I start sucking, making sure my tongue is against the underside of his cock, pressing hard on him

"Fuck baby. So goddamn good. Fuck you're mouth is the best", he praises and if I could smile I would

He probably doesn't mean it but it's nice to hear

Switching it up, I slide down his cock half way, then surge forward, taking him back in

Over and over, swallowing when I have to

"Fuck me. Fuck me. So good. Oh god", he cries, pleasure all over his face

Pleasure I'm putting there

I'm awake I'm making him a moaning mess and it's fucking turning me on so much

As I bob on his cock, his hand buries in my hair, wrapping it in a ponytail, moving my head up and down, helping me blow him

His cock goes deep down my throat and I choke, loving how it feels

I don't know what it is but the feeling of choking, of being out of breath is so good

Especially because it's Yoongi

I look up at him, wiping my eyes as tears run down my face

He's so fucking beautiful normally but when he's in total pleasure, he's fucking stunning

Gorgeous

He pulls me down his dick, holding me there and my mouth automatically begins sucking

"Oh fuck. Shit", he whimpers, his eyes on me

After less than a minutes, he pulls me completely off his cock

I whine, wanting to make him cum

"Sss..stop jagi. I can't...I can't cum without being inside you. I need to feel your pussy on me"

God yes, I want that so much

He lets go of my hair and I climb on top of him sitting on his dick

I move my hips, sliding along his length, feeling how hard it is against me

"Oh fuck you're so wet", he moans, his eyes on my pussy on his dick

I move faster, more pleasure filling my body

"Jjj..jagi don't tease", he whimpers, "Please. I can't take it. I need you"

He looks at me with wide pleading eyes and I can't say no to him

It's a flaw I have

I can't ever say no to him, I'll always do what he wants

Give him anything he wants

I'm so whipped and we're not even together

So I reach between us, holding his cock up and hover over him

Lowering myself, his head pokes inside me and I let go of him as I continue to sink down on him

"Oh fuck", I murmur, feeling the amazing way his cock is opening me

He's so hard, he slips right inside, so big, so thick

We're a really snug fit

There's barely any extra room as I bottom him out, my pussy trying to throb around his thickness

"Oh my fucking god!", he yells as I sit against his legs, his cock all in, pressing against my spot, "Oh fuck, god it feels fucking incredible. Jesus, so fucking tight"

I'm a little...ok a lot shocked at his reaction

I never expected him to react this way, like he loves it

"Are you always this tight?", he pants, "Shit when was the last time you were fucked?"

"Uh...it's been awhile. A few months", I answer, my face heating up

"You feel so good. Like you've never been fucked before", he groans, "I'm gonna fuck you open so hard later. Wreck you on my cock"

My cheeks heat up even more but hearing him is a turn on

"Ride me first baby. Please. Ride me and I'll fuck you so good after"

I nod, "Yeah Yoongi"

Leaning on his chest, I slip up his huge cock then slam back down hard, the smacking of our skin sounding in the room

"Oh my fucking god", he cries, his hands gripping my hips so tightly, "Again, please jagi, again"

Moving faster, I bounce on him at a good pace, feeling the pleasure he's giving me wash over me

God he feels so fucking good, like no one I've ever been with

Good doesn't even cover how this feels

Amazing, incredible doesn't even cover it

I just feel like we're supposed to be like this

Me and him, together

But that's stupid, this is just sex for him

A way to prove to me that he's amazing at oral and that my body is flexible to fucking him

That's all it is

So I push those lovey dovey thoughts out of my head and focus on riding his massive cock

I focus on the way his cock opens me up, fills me, his head hitting my spot, clenching on him tightly, the bliss running through me, the way his pale skin looks under my hands

My eyes move up to his face, finding his eyes already on me

God he's so pretty, so hot it's not fair

Biting his lip like that, the bits of sweaty hair that fell out of the ponytail plastered to his forehead

He's every girl's dream guy

Definitely mine

Ok I need to stop now

Tearing my eyes from his, I sit up more, leaning slightly on his lower stomach as I fuck him

Changing things up, instead of slamming down his dick, I move my hips in a circle, wiggling down his length

Once I bottom him out I switch to rocking and grinding on him, lifting just a little off his length in small bounces, his head rubbing my spot with every move

Fuck me, so good

"God you're so fucking pretty jagi", he praises, his eyes watching me move like he's hypnotized, "Like you're dancing on my cock"

I feel my cheeks blush but I don't stop moving

"Fuck me, you're so wet baby, creaming my cock perfectly", he praises, his eyes moving down to us, "So much"

"Sss..sorry", I whimper as the pleasure clouds my head

"No jagi. I love it. Pretty mess you're making. Don't stop"

I won't

I'm so close I can't stop now

"Are you gonna cum for me?", he asks, making me moan so loudly, "All over my cock baby? Fuck I feel you getting tighter. Throbbing so hard"

His words are just pushing me closer to the edge, my body already trembling

"Fuck, I want your cum all over my cock jagi. I wanna see you cum, see how pretty you are", he eggs me on, "Cum for my cock baby"

His head slips against my spot just as he finishes speaking and I'm thrown head first into an extremely intense orgasms

"Yoongi, oh fuck", I cry, every cell of my body in pleasure as I clench down on his thick dick over and over

Fuck it feels incredible, I can't fucking believe it

"Yes fuck! Good girl, shit", he moans, his hands moving up my body to keep me upright, "Cum all over my dick baby. Yes fuck, feels so good jagi"

As I finish, I come back to my senses, finding myself leaning over on his chest again

I lock eyes with him, his hand slowly running up my back and moving to tuck my hair from my face

"Good baby?"

"Amazing", I breathe, trying to get air into my lungs

He smiles softly, then pulls me on top of him, skin against skin

I bury my face in his neck, his arms holding me securely as he lightly thrust up into my pussy

"Ohhh mmmm", I moan, pleasure coming back as his cock stretches me around him, his tip moving right into my spot again

"You're so beautiful when you cum jagi", he whispers in my ear, pressing kisses to my cheek and my shoulder, "Fuck baby, when you cum it feels so fucking incredible. Throbbing so hard around my cock baby. God I want to feel it over and over again"

His thrust increase in speed, my clit rubbing against his pelvis with every stroke

"So wet for me baby", he continues, "Fuck it's everywhere. All over my lap, dripping down to the bed. Fuck, please say you're only this wet for my cock. Please jagi"

"I am", I confirm, "Only this wet for you"

It's true

I've never been this wet before, never been this turned on

Never was ready for more orgasms

That last one was instense and I should be done, overstimulated, something

But I'm not

I want more

Maybe it's because I know this is the only time I'm gonna be with him and I want to make the most of it

"Fuck jagi, you don't know how happy that makes me", he murmurs and I'm completely bewildered

It makes him happy?

Does he know what he's saying?

I doubt it, it's probably something that came out just in the moment

I'm not taking it to heart

I don't want to be hurt again

"So good baby", he whimpers, "Wanna be in your pussy everyday. Gonna cum for me again?"

"Mmm hmm", I answer, ignoring the other part he said

The feel of his cock so deep inside is incredible and I didn't even know I was so close already

I was listening to him talk, distracting me from the pleasure

"God, so tight", he whines, his hands moving down and squeezing my ass, "Fuck, fall apart on my cock jagi. Please baby"

"Yoongi! Oh god Yoongi!", I cry in his neck, wave after wave of bliss crashes over me as I cum on his hard dick

"Yes fuck", he yells, "Oh god, you feel so good, fuck me"

He keeps moving, fucking me through my orgasm, making my pussy squeeze him hard

His thrusts gradually lighten as I come down from the orgasm, his lips kissing any skin they can on me

Each press of his lips leave fire in every cell, my skin trembling uncontrollably

Holding me tightly, he pushed me down on his cock then rolls us over, moving on top of me

He looks down at me, smiling shyly before his lips crash into mine in an intense kiss

Of course I kiss him back, my arms around his neck

His ponytail is so messy and I pull out the hair tie, letting it fall around us before I bury my fingers in it

His hips move, rolling into me, going deep inside, the pleasure roaring back

This had to be heaven

Being with him is my heaven

He thrusts inside again and again, giving me more of the pleasure I've never felt before

Pleasure I know I can only feel with him

I hate that I'll never feel this again

Never feel him moving inside me again

Shoving the thoughts away, I focus on him

Breaking the kiss, he leans his forehead against mine, his sweaty hair around me

I move my hands, sliding up his back, feeling his muscles move as he plunges inside me, his wet sweaty skin turning me on more

God I never want this to stop

His breath mixes with mine, one of his hand making it's way into my hair, softly playing with the strands

"Jagi", he whispers, "I want to eat you out every day. All day"

My brain instantly remembers what he said earlier

"The right girl, I can eat her out all day. Everyday"

Is he trying to tell me something?

"Yoongi", I whisper, "What...what does that mean?"

I'm so scared of his answer

I'm almost sorry I asked the question

"It means", he says immediately, "That I fucking love you"

My heart stops in my chest, his words sinking in

"I..you..", I stutter in complete shock

"I love you", he repeats, "My god, Jo, you're so fucking oblivious"

"Huh?"

Yeah I sound really intelligent right now

He lifts his head, looking in my eyes as he stops moving, buried inside me

"You have no idea how long I've been in love with you"

Ok now hold on a second

He never showed me any kind of emotion

Nothing like that

"How long?"

He nods, "Since I knew girls didn't have cooties. I figured that out at thirteen. That's how long I've loved you. That's how long I waited for you"

What?

Is he fucking joking?

He has to be joking

There's no way I was that oblivious for that long

And he had that other girlfriend

"But you said....you loved Anna. You called me and said you did"

He shakes his head, "I didn't. I thought I did. But I just realized that I was with her because she looked like you. I thought I loved her because she was like you. When I actually tried to say it to her, I couldn't. It wouldn't come out. I can't say those words to anyone else. Only you"

Oh my fuck

This....this is everything I ever wanted

"I didn't expect to tell you this way, like this", he says softly, "I didn't expect to tell you at all. Ever but it....it just came out. This, being with you is everything I ever wanted. I love you so much"

My brain is trying so hard to take this information in, it's just so surprising

I never in a million years thought I'd ever hear those words from Yoongi

"Please don't end our friendship. Please don't leave me. I'll keep my feelings to myself from now on but please don't run away from me"

I register what he's saying and he's insane if he thinks I don't feel the same way

"Yoongi", I say, touching his cheek softly, his gorgeous brown eyes on mine, "I love you so much"

He hesitates, "You do?"

"Of course Yoongi. You're my dream guy. I loved you for a long time too. You're everything to me"

A huge stunning smile bursts on his face, his lips against mine immediately

"I love you so much", he says, then kisses me again

"I love you", I get out when he slightly pulls away before his lips are back on mine

"Please", he says between kisses, "Please be mine"

"Yes. I am. Always"

I feel him smile into the kiss, saying, "I'm yours. Always"

"Yeah naekkeo", I nod, then pull his lips back to mine

I need his kisses

Now that he's mine, I can get them all the time

That thought has me reeling

I can kiss Yoongi any time I want to

I can hold his hand, sit in his lap, cuddle with him, be with him

The amount of happiness I feel can't be described

As he kisses me, his hips start to move again, plunging me into bliss

Wrapping my legs around his waist, I moan softly into his mouth, holding onto his back as he quickens his pace

"Fuck, I love you", he says, his lips traveling to my neck, kissing there over and over, "I love you so much"

"I love you so much Yoongi. Always naekkeo"

"Mmm", he nods against my neck, "Always jagi. I'll always love you"

His movements are bringing me close and closer until I'm right there

He slips inside again and I moan his name as I cum

Pleasure assaults all my senses, his lips leaving trails of hot kisses everywhere he can touch

"Yoongi", I moan, "Cum for me naekkeo"

"Fuck", he groans

"Please baby. Want your cum inside me. Fill me baby"

His cock throbs as he sheathes it inside my pussy, warm sticky cum shooting into me

"Fuck", I cry as he yells my name, his body shaking on me, "Feels so good naekkeo"

Now I know what he means when he said my orgasm felt good

His feels so good and I love the full feeling

When we both finish, he lifts his head up, looking at me

"Is this real?", he whispers, "Are you really mine?"

I nod, "It's real naekkeo. I'm yours. I was always yours"

He smiles, "I was always yours too jagi. I love you"

"I love you Yoongi", I smile back, "Now kiss me and don't stop"

"Oh I will baby. I will", he agrees, then his lips press against mine in the most beautiful kiss I ever had

#bts yoongi smut #min yoongi smut #yoongi smut #bts suga smut #suga smut #bts yoongi fanfic #min yoongi fanfic #yoongi fanfic #suga fanfic #bts suga fanfic #bts fanfic #bts smut

[gt-jar]

Here's a very loose story concept, because I'm too lazy to write it myself.

To make things easier I'll use A for the tiny character and B for the giant character again. (A is a human in this)

So... reluctant companions!

A and B are forced to travel together for one reason or another. I don't really have a specific reason in mind. The reason why they travel together isn't really important for the plot anyway.

I was just thinking of a certain... ~vibe~, yk?

Like maybe A isn't too upset about traveling with B, or maybe A choose to travel with B, because A is seeking protection (which B doesn't know). From what? Also not really important.

What's important is that B isn't too fond of A in the beginning.

Maybe humans and giants just don't mix, or at least it isn't common. Maybe giants view humans as inferoir. Or maybe B just has a personal grudge against humans. Whatever.

My point is, B can't get rid of A.

You get the gist.

So after their situation is more or less established, let's get to the little scenario I was actually thinking about.

Obviously, they are sleeping under the night sky. When the sun goes down, it gets really chilly. While the cold doesn't affect B as much, because of their size, A is freezing.

In an attempt to stay warm A sneaks over to B, after they have fallen asleep (B, in fact, isn't asleep). Just after A has settled against B's side/shoulder/neck, B pushes A away with the back of their hand and rolls over, putting as much distance between them as possible. Maybe B also says something mean or passive aggressive. Making it clear B doesn't want anything to do with A.

A gets the message and doesn't try something like this again.

A similar scenario:

A isn't used to sleeping outside, the sounds of the night are unfamiliar, not having any sort of shelter doesn't help either. Because of that A is too scared to fall asleep. Thus sleep deprivation.

(Both scenarios take place in this story)

Time goes by and.... B gets used to A's presence. Slowly. Fond, someone might even say (again too lazy to think of a reason). Eventually B notices A's lack of sleep.

And here's the scene, that's the reason for this whole post:

B has settled down for the night already. A desperately wants to as well. They are so tired, but every time they close their eyes and try to fall asleep, a new sound startles them wide awake. B is sleeping several feet away from them, sometimes B's presence helps. Being close to B gives A a sense of safety, but A doesn't dare to move closer, they know what will happen, if they do. Instead, A curls into a ball, trying to block out the sounds, which doesn't help either. A is about to give up on trying to fall asleep altogether, when a giant arm reaches over them and pulls them close. Now, caged between B's chest and arm, A doesn't dare to move a muscle. Is B still asleep? Should they climb over B's arm, before B accidentally crushes them in their sleep? Or-?

"Sleep," B says in a hushed almost gentle tone, "You're save here."

Ever so slowly, A relaxes. For the first time in weeks A feels... save. Protected. Here, completely surrounded by B's body, nothing can hurt them. It's warmer as well.

In the morning A will wonder when and why B has changed their mind about them, but for now they are way too tired.

Before sleep claims A's mind, they whisper a quiet 'thank you', only audible for B's ears.

The last thing A feels is B pulling them a tiny bit closer.

#giant/tiny #g/t #g/t community #g/t prompt #g/t prompts