#but i want him to take c!wilbur in a different direction | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wormliness · 2 years

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what really, really gets me about cwilbur is how he tries to separate pieces of himself in an attempt to feel whole again. from the moment wilbur founded Imanberg, he tied himself to it. it became his identity: a representation of all he is; and if it isn't perfect, then neither is he.

with his spiral in pogtopia, everything becomes blurred. I'manberg isn't his, but who is he if not what he offers to others? there's those absolutely heartbreaking moments in the button room with tommy and quackity where his true beliefs come through before he's blinded by his own conflict: and that conflict stems from confusion. wilbur can't separate himself from the nation he built. in his heart, he's a perfectionist, and everything that happens gets out of his hands and the perfectionism is what eats him alive. that confusion and inability to understand himself is part of what makes wilbur such a moving depiction of mental illness. everything seems fixed to him, and there's nothing he believes he can do to change it. his best traits: unyielding confidence, his level head, everything that make him come across as an indomitable leader are exactly what lead him to suffer, often by direct causation of his own actions.

in pogtopia, he has no one he can emotionally open up to, he has no peers: even when he eventually does, he's already resigned himself to his fate. one of the most apt ways i've seen wilbur's pogtopia arc actions described is "existentially suicidal" - he doesn't just want himself gone, he wants his presence erased. he wants everything connected to himself to go down with him. and it makes him so, so cruel, because he just can't accept that he has people which love all these parts of him. so, in the end, he dies without clarity, without true understanding of himself and blinded by his own misconceptions

and then, as the dream smp's worldbuilding expands more into the supernatural, we get this absolutely (in my opinion) mindblowing like, theoretical philosophy takes, and this is the meat of what i really like.

ghostbur first appears so simple. characters barely need a few words with him before they clock him as a half-baked facsimile that simply shares the same face as wilbur soot with none of his integrity, but it goes soo much deeper than this. with ranboo's recent (april 2022) lore, we learn that when characters lose their final canon lives, they're split into two parts: mind and soul, even before this was confirmed, it's sooo prevalent in the story that ghostbur is far more complex than he lets on. ghostbur is bitter and biased and he hates "alivebur." from the start, he asks to be called ghostbur, and always separates himself nomatively from before he died. Both ghostbur and revivedbur both emphatically express that they’re “not him” (meaning the other).

ghostbur’s optimism, something that was key to alivebur's (saying to differentiate, referring to Imanberg/pogtopia era wilbur) success at forming a country and strong bonds, gets misconstrued into innocence. he delights in animals and music and small joys, all things that alivebur does as well but represses, and thus, characters view him as childish.

worst of all, in my opinion, is c!phil, who sees him as some kind of cheap imitation, words can't explain the way this makes me feel at the fact that cphil can't recognize his own son's soul. ghostbur has so many of alivebur's key traits, and everyone (characters & fans) overlook it because he's Emotional, because he's Different, and well, okay this is for another essay. the point is that ghostbur is still wilbur, and he consistently carries that same conflict of self loathing that alivebur does that leads him to separate himself entirely.

and as the narrative continues, the soul and the mind are switched.

cwilbur is revived (i will refer to the mind as revivedbur). even without the context of ranboo's lore, you can tell that this guy is walking around like there's blood still pouring out of his stab wound. the perfectionist is back, but so many parts of him are missing. unlike ghostbur, revivedbur leans into alivebur's facade: and while he can't maintain it, it's enough to get some sense of normalcy. we see this facade tie in to his desperation to "feel alive" in hitting on 16, and we see it all fall down in bust when he breaks down to cphil in bust.

in his self destruction, this time revivedbur clings to other people, too terrified to let them in out of fear that they'll hate him, he goes all in on making them hate him pre-emptively. he says things that hurt ctommy because he can't bear accidentally disappointing him. he does things rashly, and without willingness to look past his own (often underdeveloped) understanding of the situation. he challenges cquackity instead of working with him because he thinks if he falters even for a second, his facade will drop and they'Il hate him for all he is. he even draws cranboo in because he sees what he thinks is their innocence, and decides to crush it. all of this with the intent of hurting himself, through hurting others. (though, after inconsolable differences, i may have some reevaluating to do here.)

revivedbur verbally expresses hatred for ghostbur whenever given the chance, something that i can't help but chalk up to how he clings to alivebur's persona of confidence and stubbornness: revivedbur sees ghostbur's optimism as weakness. and it's all just one long cycle of self loathing. wilbur is split in two equal parts, and each half hates the other because they're too afraid to be vulnerable. they're both still mentally trapped in pogtopia, not eating or sleeping, terrified and paranoid. it's a gradual progression, but each step parallels the next. if c!wilbur cannot be perfect, he would rather die. but there is no true perfection in life, in leadership, in relationships: he drowns in his own loss of control and lashes out because all he really has left to control is himself.

so, all this to say that the only way to resolve c!wilbur core conflict and end his story is through self acceptance, and if he dies at the end, that's just pure bullshit. he spends so long denying his feelings, denying that he loves and cares So deeply that his emotions rule him, that the only satisfying end is for him to embrace his love and attachments, and change for the people he cares about, rather than distort himself further.

TLDR: user wormliness really likes wilbur soots minecraft character on the dream smp and thinks that he's a fucked up guy who needs to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known 👍

#here's the 1ki ish wilbur meta i wrote in may <3 as promised. many thoughts about mr c soot #and they're always changing. but i will hold ghostbur and revivedbur as equal parts So tightly #dream smp #wilbur soot #dsmp #ghostbur #revivedbur #dream smp analysis #wilbur soot analysis #all rp characters of course. also if theres typos in here consider it an aesthetic choice #wrmls #meta #dsmp analysis #cwilbur is so much to me. i feel crazy sometimes thinking about him. he is for all of us equally #hopefully this actually makes sense

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transphilza · 2 years

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hey cia, do you think cwilbur's story will follow eight by sleeping at last? i always thought it ended in a positive note, the person being able to open themselves up to others and finally healing. as of now i feel like we're in the middle-ish part of the song? when they start to recognize they wanna be seen, be vulnerable and let their guard down, be understood, but don't know how to get there. idk what'd you think?

oh nonnie you are…. poking the bear with this question /pos. i was actually just thinking about this song the other day, i was gonna post about how “you were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong, my healing needed more than time.” is now ringing more true than ever. i see a lot of similarities with his potential story outcomes and how Eight goes!

that line i mentioned stuck out in particular because i think reality is really starting to sink in, for him, and he’s realizing things won’t be as straightforward (“you were wrong”) as he anticipated. the reality of not being forgiven, no matter how hard he tries.

also, this is part ^ is just so him about cfundy this past stream, isn’t it? hell, the eret stream too. seeing the worst and most broken parts of himself reflected in others…

i agree we’re about halfway through the song, now, hesitantly jittering in the void between getting close and then pulling away from others. i think in order for the vulnerability the song talks about to be fully realized there must be a shift from the cagey, avoidant honesty he’s been practicing as a means to pitch himself best and be as passive to others’ perceptions of him as possible, to true openness. this openness requiring him first being open with Himself, which he’s struggled with, but the line, “because i was sad.” last stream is a HUGE leap forward in this regard. so… the rhythm is not faltering and we are making leaps and bounds, even if we aren’t quite sure in what direction yet

my favorite line in this song has always been “here i am, pry me open — what do you want to know?” …like, baring himself.. not taking himself apart and showing off the pieces to people in a (distinctly self-flagellating) attempt to explain himself in some shattered disconnected way, but rather letting someone else see him in his entirety for who he really is. at THEIR mercy… which is difficult and would not necessarily be the healthiest option depending on who he grants that power over him. no surprise here that i imagine this part of the song will require a really intense conversation with someone who is truly Willing to Understand him to make happen…… c!tommy, anyone?

also random thing i’m just noticing but um actually the line “i’m all in” is making me go kind of insane cause. you know. all of the blackjack shit (hitting on 16 -> bust). dear god

so. okay. here’s the thing about the end of Eight, and the turn to vulnerability, and what that means if we wanna project that onto c!wilbur’s character outcomes. i think Eight itself can be a self-contained ballad of cwilbur and his entire history, OR we can follow the line of reasoning that wilbur himself has used when explaining that the smithereens ending was an ending in of itself, and an ending that will stand alone and tall as an Ending no matter how differently revivebur’s story ends up. so, like, in that regard, Eight is about both the l’manberg storyline AND the revival storyline simultaneously and then you have two parallel interpretations which is. AN ENTIRE THING I COULD GET INTO. for example, being at someone else’s mercy can be about being at the Physical mercy of another (a la giving the sword to phil.) ORRR of course mental and emotional mercy. which is what we hope for This time around.

the imagery of handing someone a shovel and a map after the “bury my innocence line” can be like. of course, giving someone the instructions to unearth those tender parts of yourself. ….or, if we look at the pogtopia storyline, it can be instructions to bury it themselves. Sorry i’m insane

but okay i bring this up bc like. look at these last few bits.

it’s really bittersweet? really… violent and intense? i mean, fucking, shaking the ground, showing up on the front lines, blood and sweat, feeling Shattered — battlefields and explosions, anyone? there’s huge dual meaning in this, huge opportunity for interpretation about either a tragic ending (smithereens) or a hopeful one (the one we are currently looking forward to). and also, Eight ends really fucking abruptly. like, mid-crescendo, the song just Stops, which is very fitting for Nov. 16 but trying to interpret that for a positive ending is admittedly difficult. i could stretch and say something about him not having peaked yet as he thought he had, perhaps an open-ended kind of happy ending, if we wanna get real literal

but, hell. i think this just tells us that it’ll take something violent and intense for wilbur to ever be that open with someone. very reminiscent of what i said about things getting worse before they get better, yeah? i anticipate a similar intensity, to answer your question in the most deranged way possible. i expect the vulnerability to come but i don’t expect it to come easily or even in good circumstances. the last line, “invincible like i’ve never been,” is kind of fucking insane to me, although also it just reminds me of ever-indestructible ctubbo, but. yeah. yeah, i do think/hope he will get there. to the point where he allows himself to be broken and fucked up and accepts those parts of himself and of his past and finds strength in them. right now he finds weakness in them, is ashamed of them, and i don’t anticipate a full fucking self-esteem turnaround at all, because there’s just too much to unpack in so little time

but the vulnerability, yes! the putting himself on the line, yes! the intensity and the way everything feels like it will break apart all over again before it gets close to being mended, yes! yes yes yes! i think once the story is over, Eight will be. Beautiful.

#i srsly feel like u psychologically engineered this question to force me into writing an essay /j. like. WHY ARE U IN MY HEAD NONNIE!!!#do i tag this as my analysis????? i just kind of went insane for 20 minutes #talking #anon #in all seriousness thank you for this question i read it and i was like. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i got so excited #HAPPY 12:30 FUCKI GN AM LOL

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dsmpkinfessions · 1 year

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By the way, c!Wilbur IRL again, for all the people who said that I had messed up:

I did. I did and it was wrong. But I did not mess up in some of the ways that I did in canon. My memories are very divergent, in some regards.

If someone vents about those things, it may be a good idea to take into account what I just said- I may recall things differently. Saying "yes, you did mess up and ruin shit for me" while well-meaning, can be disheartening and seem very rude, like how I took it.

Thank you for not hating me Tommy, I appreciate it,

However, consider the fact that as I said earlier- I may be a c!Wilbur IRL, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I am 100% like the source material. I definitely wasn't. While yes, I did lash out during psychotic episodes, it never was a jab directed at only Tommy.

Alongside that, I apologised when I felt the time was right, and that's when me and Tommy worked out a system.

If I needed help- perhaps being reality checked out of my villain delusion, I'd go to someone in Pogtopia and they'd help me, but if I needed my own time alone, I could use sign language to communicate it- as speaking and certain sounds were triggers for my BPD and could set me off. (for context, I knew sign language because me and Technoblade would have nonverbal episodes growing up (autism/adhd/other forms of neurodivergency being the cause), and Technoblade also had difficulty hearing at times.)

If Tommy needed help, he'd do the same thing, except mostly for him it was PTSD and PTSD-induced psychotic episodes and paranoia.

After Tubbo got hurt, I apologised to Tommy and owned up to how it was my fault, and that I shouldn't have let it happen. Tommy was mad at me for a while, and I allowed that- I understood why he was upset, and I didn't hold it against him for it or expect forgiveness.

Oh, and not only that- I didn't ask him to fight for me. I didn't ask anyone to. In fact, I had a fight with Tommy explaining why he was too young to be in a war. As Tommy does, however (/pos, /lh), he disobeyed. And while I didn't want him to fight, I'll love him forever for deciding to be my right hand man. I appreciate it beyond compare to anything else.

Me and Tommy were each other's support beams, instead of him being mine and his efforts not being returned equally.

I would also like to mention that I am mostly an IRL of Early DSMP era Wilbur to Pre-Utah era Wilbur. I never left Tommy. In fact, we moved in together, somewhere far away from the SMP, with Phil, Techno, Ranboo, Tubbo and Niki as our neighbours who decided to tag along.

Me and Tommy understood that we both had trauma. We were both victims of betrayal and being stabbed in the back.

I'm sorry If I seem angry, or discombobulated, or disorganised, or if my thing falls on deaf ears- I often ramble, my apologies.

But, I'm not genuinely pissed off. Maybe frustrated? Miffed? But that's about it.

Thank you for your time.

#dsmpirl #dsmp irl #dreamsmpirl #dreamsmp irl #dream smp irl #mcytirl #mcyt irl #wilbur soot irl

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peninkwrites · 2 years

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Wake Up. - Ch 10 of ?

Wilbur sees an old friend, Tommy receives a sharp reminder.

(CW: violence, manipulation. c!Dream. he's here. what'dya expect.)

crossposted to ao3

Ch 1

Ch 9

Ch 11

Wilbur wasn’t dead for this journey and he wishes that meant he would be of some use finding his way back to Tommy, but he was knocked out. He had neither the privilege of seeing Tommy while dead nor the luck of seeing where the fuck he was going. He came to with a pounding migraine, blindfolded and bound in the bottom of a boat. He’s outside. Wilbur hasn’t been outside in years. The scent of salt, the sun leaving him boiling in his coat, the constant motion of the boat, the sound of the waves. He’s sure if he could see it would be blinding.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” Dream sees him flinch when the boat jolts to a stop against the coastline. “Come on. If you’re conscious you can walk.”

“I wouldn’t say that’s necessarily the case,” Wilbur says ruefully. He reaches up to take off the blindfold, instead he stops with a yelp when Dream slaps him across the face.

“I didn’t say you could do that. Come on,” Dream grabs his arm, hauling him up and into the sand. “Start walking.”

“How the fuck am I meant to do that if I can’t see?” Wilbur snaps. He’s already dizzy enough from the other significant head trauma he’s received in the past hours. Fresh off of a boat and blindfolded, he might as well be spinning in circles.

“I’ll guide you. Get going. Like I said, we’re on a schedule,” Dream says, shoving him forward.

“Where exactly are we going?” Wilbur stumbles, the short stretch of beach quickly turning to earth which as at least a bit more stable than sand. He inhales deeply, the scent of grass on a cool breeze makes his chest ache. Every few steps or so Dream grabs him and pulls him to one side to stop him from Wilbur would assume hitting something.

“Does it matter?”

“I guess not,” Wilbur mutters. Wilbur isn’t sure if Dream is making him change directions a bunch or wander in circles or if he’s just that disoriented. Wilbur is so fucking tired. The world gets darker all of the sudden and Dream begins to move him around more sharply. They’re underneath trees. In the woods, Wilbur assumes. The damp scent of a forest he probably would appreciate more if he weren’t so focused on keeping standing. The particular coolness of shade is so different to that of being underground. It feels cleaner, despite the many more overwhelming scents in the air. Dream’s hold on his arm as he drags him around trees is sure to leave a bruise. Wilbur’s sense of time has been skewed for a while now, they could’ve been walking for twenty minutes or an hour. It feels far too long, his legs sore, his left ankle protesting as he’d managed to bend it wrong staggering over a root.

“That’s far enough,” Dream stops him.

“Now what?” Wilbur tries to turn to face him.

Dream tears off the blindfold, Wilbur blinking in the dull light of the forest floor. It’s a dark oak forest, the canopy thick and leaving the world in shadow.

“Now you’re going to run,” Dream grabs his wrists, tying something around his left before unchaining him.

Wilbur is untied. He can see and somewhat has his bearings. This is the part where he tries to tear out Dream’s throat. Wilbur takes one step forward, hands balled into fists. Dream can see it in his face what he intends to do next.

“Ah ah,” Dream puts a hand to the sword on his hip. “Have you already forgotten why we’re doing this little charade?”

Wilbur hesitates. He still wants to try to throttle the man.

Dream continues, patronizing to the last. “What happens if you don’t do everything I say?” Wilbur says nothing. “I asked you a question, Wilbur. Tell me what happens if you don’t do everything I say. Unless you’d prefer a demonstration.”

Wilbur wishes the loathing boiling up in his chest were worth something. “You’ll hurt Tommy,” Wilbur says, voice taut with rage.

“There you go, Wilbur. That’s right,” Dream still talks like a teacher to a child. “I’ll hurt Tommy. And what’s your job right now?”

“To run.”

“Exactly. And what happens if you stop running, if you drop the lodestone, if you try to follow me? I promise it’s an easy one.”

Wilbur’s nails dig into his palms until they hurt. It’s all he can do not to throw himself at Dream. “You’ll hurt Tommy.”

“Good job!” Dream says cheerfully. “Don’t worry, if you decide you want to come back, just kill yourself and let Tommy know. Trust me, I can get a hold of the body. Alright, you already have the lodestone. Go on, then. Start running. Run like… well, like I'm chasing you,” he laughs. "Or no–" he considers him for a moment. "Run like I'm chasing Tommy. Don’t stop. I know your lungs are probably weak, but if you stop running, I’ll know,” Dream taps the compass hanging from his belt. “And I’ll do what, Wilbur?” He’s just having fun now, but Wilbur has no choice but to indulge him.

“Hurt Tommy.”

Dream laughs, delightedly smug. “Now you’re getting it. One foot in front of the other. I’d get going.”

Wilbur wishes he had more insults to fling Dream’s way, but he’s just so tired. So he does as he’s told and takes off running like his life– Tommy’s life, depends on it.

The branches scratch at his face, the ground is uneven, he actually thinks he did better blind with Dream to guide him. Wilbur hasn’t been outside in so long and he doesn’t even have the luxury to appreciate it. It’s one foot in front of the other. He’s not used to an uneven ground, his clumsy feet and boots worn down from the Pogtopia days keeps getting caught on roots as the dark oak forest thickens, branches low enough he almost knocks himself out a few times.

You could stop. You could give up and find some old log to die under.

Instead, Wilbur turns his path as erratically as he can manage, just to make sure the compass needle shows he’s still trying. Even if Wilbur won’t know if Dream has hurt Tommy, Wilbur doesn’t think Dream is above hurting Tommy just because he has an excuse. Wilbur is so focused on running, he has no fucking idea what slams into him like a ton of bricks and sends him reeling to the ground. Wilbur vaguely hears voices, but everything feels distorted around him save for his own pounding heart. He doesn’t bother trying to get his bearings, he scrambles back to his feet and gets ready to bolt.

You stopped running. He said you’re not allowed to stop why are you stopped you cannot stop running–

Wilbur cries out in panic as he is stopped from bolting for the treeline by an unsure hand on his shoulder, he slaps them away but before he can resume his efforts, two large arms wrap around him, lifting him from the ground. Wilbur screams like he’s been injured, struggling fiercely even as the low, familiar rumble of Techno trying to soothe him pierces the haze. It’s enough that he’s coherent enough for words.

“Let me go! I have t-to run! Dream told me to run!” Wilbur still kicks wildly but he might as well be pounding his bloody fists against the walls of the train station for all the good it will do him.

“Wilbur– Where is he?!” Tubbo is screaming right back, pacing in front of Techno, almost jumping in the air to try and get up to Wilbur’s height. “Where the fuck is Tommy?!”

Tommy’s name reminds Wilbur of the reason behind his cause and his screaming is broken by a whimper, “he’s gonna hurt him I need t-to go he said I had to–”

“He said you had to what, Wilbur?” Techno asks.

“Run! He said I had to fucking run, alright?! H-He’ll know if I’ve stopped–”

“He… probably wanted you to run to get to us, right?” It’s an unfamiliar voice of reason which finally calms him.

Wilbur looks to the towering half-enderman he’s only seen through a ghostly haze. “To… to get to you.”

“Yeah. Why else would you have run right into us, right?” The stranger repeats slowly, carefully. “You’ve done your job, then.”

“Right… right…” Wilbur stops fighting, hanging limply with Techno’s arms still around him.

“Where’s Tommy?” Tubbo calms a hair from his companion’s far more mellow tone, but he still looks like he’s trying not to combust.

“H-He’s…” Wilbur is immediately choked up as he sees his own anguish written on Tubbo’s scarred face. Techno deems him sane enough to set down and it’s all Wilbur can do to keep standing at all. “He’s–”

Tubbo turns white and at first Wilbur thinks he might faint but instead he’s screaming again– “How could you fucking leave him there?!”

Wilbur opens his mouth to reply but instead of words there is only a broken sob like a wounded animal. This only confirms Tubbo’s worst fears.

“Where is he, Wilbur? Where is he?” Tubbo stumbles forward and grabs onto the tarnished collar of Wilbur’s shirt, more desperation than rage.

“I don’t…” Wilbur’s hoarse voice is barely above a whisper. He does not look Tubbo in the eye, he merely stares, fixated, on some empty space in the distance.

“Wilbur, please,” Tubbo is choking on sobs. “Where’s Tommy?!”

“I don’t know.”

Tubbo’s terror once more succumbs to rage and he pulls back his fist, wanting to break Wilbur open so he can shatter to pieces the same way Tubbo can feel himself tearing apart at those mere words but before he can decide if he could actually finish the blow he stops. He stops because Wilbur flinches back and covers his face like he’s expecting it.

Just like Tommy.

So instead Tubbo breaks. Terror and rage are left weak and something horribly like grief swallows him whole. Tubbo still clings to Wilbur’s shirt, but instead he buries his face in it and cries like somehow this time Wilbur will save them.

“He didn’t…” Tommy’s mouth feels very dry. “He wouldn’t leave me you fucking asshole. You put him somewhere or some shit.”

Dream laughs, unoffended by Tommy’s sharp words. “Look at this compass, Tommy. You know what it’s connected to, right?”

Tommy stares at it, softly glowing purple, the needle wavering back and forth. “My lodestone.”

“Yep. That was clever of you, you know. Still, I just connected my own compass to it and made a deal with Wilbur. I told him if he took it with him, he would be free to go. I have you now and I don’t need him, so. I’m sorry, Tommy, but he left,” Dream feigns pity. “I mean, come on, I don’t need both of you. Did you really expect him to stay?”

Tommy glances up from the compass to that white mask even as the sight makes him feel sick to his stomach. “You’re a fucking idiot. He’ll– He’ll lead them back here. That’s why he left. You can’t– There’s got to be more to it. You trying to trap more people or some shit?”

“How stupid do you think I am?” Now there’s a hint of annoyance in his voice. “Obviously I knocked him out, dragged him out of here blindfolded. He’ll have no idea where I am. Maybe he’ll take a stab at a general radius, but all it took was a short trip through the Nether to really put some distance between us. No one is coming, Tommy. They only found you last time because you snitched to those endermen. And not sure if you’ve noticed, endermen won’t be finding their way in here without getting some nasty burns.”

Every word from Dream sinks dread deeper under his skin. He inexplicably thinks of a nightmare– one where Tommy follows Wilbur into a grave only to turn around and find himself buried alone.

He didn’t leave you. Dream sent him away. There’s a difference.

It doesn’t feel like enough.

“How about this,” Dream drums his fingers on the table, the noise enough to make Tommy flinch. “If you’re so sure that Wilbur will come back, you should be on your best behavior, alright? Because all the times I should have hurt him for what you did and couldn’t since he ran away, I’ll keep track. And when he comes back, he’ll pay for it.”

“That’s not– That’s not fair,” Tommy stammers.

Dream laughs, rather than angered by Tommy’s protests, he continues on with that same cold confidence. “Fair? Is that what you’re worried about? Tommy, I don’t lie to you. I give you consequences for your actions, but keeping you in line is the most important part. I’m not doing this to be fair to Wilbur. This is about you. Your behavior decides if Wilbur pays for it, right? I mean, that sounds pretty fair to me.”

Tommy struggles to think of some other defense. “They’re going to come find me. They’ll never stop looking.”

“Oh, is that so?” Dream sounds so fucking amused, like he was hoping Tommy would say that. “They’re gonna come rescue you? How are they gonna find you, Tommy? Tell me.”

“I got away before,” Tommy stares at the table in front of him, trying to ignore the glow of purple and the needle still slowly turning.

“Yes. You did,” Dream says with all the patronization of praising a child for tying their shoes. “You were very lucky, Tommy. And I’ve made sure that will never happen again.”

Tommy scowls. It’s easier than confronting the chill that cruel words can send through him. “You thought I’d never get away before. And you fucking failed. And I killed you. Twice,” Tommy laughs, high and hoarse and maybe a little unhinged. “You’ve got one life now! Just like me! Not so tough, are ya? How’d that axe taste? Must’ve hurt.” Tommy grows mocking, bordering on the hysterical, “oh, did poor wittle Dream get crushed by a wittle axe? Was it scary having to beg me for your fucking life–“

The sound of skin hitting skin, a weak gasp, and Tommy is silenced. He doesn’t continue, only his shaky breathing occupies the space between them as he stares down at the rough wooden grain of the table, eyes wide and utterly empty like a stunned rabbit, cheek still stinging. There’s a cut just underneath his left eye, blood dripping down his face. Tommy can just barely see Dream’s hands folded across the table, blood staining a ring on his right hand. Dream doesn’t wear jewelry, but maybe he does if the head of the ring is metal coming to a sharpened point.

Tommy is done. He’d pushed, just to see how far he could go, and now he has his answer. The cut underneath his eye is too close. His lower eyelid burns, skin delicate and especially susceptible to being torn. Tommy can see the blood almost caught in his eyelashes. Dream could have blinded him. Tommy almost wonders if he’d been trying to. "Why'd you make me do that, Tommy?" He sighs wearily. "Just... Just be grateful this time it was just a warning, okay?"

Tommy doesn't say another word. He blinks away the blood welling into his eye, a warning?

Dream stands, circling the table. Tommy flinches as he places a gentle hand on his shoulder and leans down so they’d be eye to eye if Tommy dared look up. “You know better, Tommy,” Dream says it with such pity that it almost sounds like an apology. Almost.

All Wilbur can do is hug Tubbo back and think about how unfair it is that he’s here and Tommy isn’t. He hasn’t hugged Tubbo in over a decade. He feels just as small now as he had back then.

“It’s okay. It’s not over yet, we’ll find them,” it is Sapnap of all people who speaks up as a voice of reason, or if not reason, at least something wearily like hope.

Tubbo seems to come out of some sort of daze at this, quickly stepping away from Wilbur. “How the fuck do you suppose we do that?”

“Wilbur. Where did you last see Dream?” Sapnap is utterly focused. This is something he knows how to do.

“I– I don’t–” Wilbur turns around, staring at identical tree after identical tree. “We were on a beach, we came here in a boat–”

Sapnap looks more grim at this. No tracks to follow over water.

“There’s a beach a few hundred blocks that way,” Technoblade points.

“How do you know?” Ranboo asks.

Techno shrugs. “Human GPS.”

“Okay, we’ll go,” Sapnap starts off determinedly.

Techno is the next to follow.

Tubbo and Wilbur don’t move, sharing a look of mutual exhaustion.

“Come on,” Ranboo nudges Tubbo gently. “We’re gonna find him.”

Tubbo breaks Wilbur’s gaze without a word. He starts walking, but none of this feels quite real. His old mentor, his president, his general, a dead man through and through, has stumbled back into his life and now in some morbid twist of fate is the closest connection to Tommy he has left.

It doesn’t take long for them to hit the sand. Wilbur felt like he’d run much further than he actually had.

Sapnap had gotten their first, he paces, hesitant and still trying.

“If you’re looking for footprints or where the boat came up, the waves would’ve washed it away by now,” Techno points out.

“Yeah, yeah sure,” Sapnap, twirls his sword through his fingers, turning it over with his wrist as he desperately tries to think. “Tubbo, what about the prison portal? I didn’t see an exit, but Punz said he saw them go through there. He could’ve tunneled out, right?”

“What?” Tubbo stares, startled that Sapnap is talking to him.

“He could’ve– We should go look for a tunnel,” he repeats more firmly.

“Are you sure we should leave here? This is around the last place anyone’s seen Dream, so…” Ranboo scuffs his feet in the sand.

“Uhhh. Nope, I mean I said if he took a boat, nothin’ to follow out here,” Techno shrugs.

“But what if he’s near? What if he didn’t really take me that far?” Wilbur asks desperately.

“Well… Doubt it, but if you guys wanna take a boat out there, go for it. No idea what you’d be looking for,” Techno looks to Ranboo. “You wanna make us another portal?”

“Yeah, sure, I can– sure,” Ranboo nods quickly.

Tubbo and Wilbur still haven’t moved.

“If we get a boat,” Wilbur swallows thickly, feeling a sob in the back of his throat without really knowing why– why now, why does he choke on these words?– “If we get a boat, and we go out that way,” he points, a weight tugging on his left wrist. The Lodestone. “Don’t want it,” he murmurs hoarsely, tugging at the neat bow tightly tied at the top. The knot only tightens, and Wilbur is left desperately yanking at it, the ribbon tugging against skin already raw from the chain. “I don’t want it… I want it fucking gone…”

“What’s that?” Technoblade asks. “Is that the lodestone?” He laughs nervously.

Wilbur barely glances at him, still trying to break it off, but it seems he’s too weak to even break a fucking ribbon.

“What’s with the ribbon? Is the lodestone supposed to be like… a present?” Techno says skeptically.

Now Wilbur stops, hand still wrapped around the ribbon, but no longer trying to break it. He stares at the crumpled bow with loathing in his chest. “No, not that.”

“Then, what is it?” Sapnap sounds like he’s trying to hold back panic. Wilbur’s answer will be a reflection of someone Sapnap had once trusted.

“It’s–” Wilbur’s voice breaks off.

Tubbo steps up beside him and cuts it free with a knife, stopping as it falls into the sand and he realizes he’s staring at the knife Tommy had used to carve into the apiary. Why do I have this?

Only with the lodestone gone does Wilbur look up, twisting his hand around his wrist like he’s still trying to remove the feeling of the fabric. He clears his throat, meeting Sapnap’s gaze, looking almost numb. “No, no I’m the present.” Silence presses in, broken only by the waves. “I– I’m the present.” Wilbur nods again, looking a minute away from being sick.

No one knows what to say, or how to proceed. The fact of the matter is whether they search the oceans or the nether, there will be no trail to follow. Their only hope lies wrapped in a broken ribbon in the sand.

“Where’d Dream get the ribbon?” Ranboo is the one who speaks first, all eyes turning to him in confusion. He hesitates with that many eyes on him. “I mean, d’you guys think he has like a craft room..? With like, sequins and glitter too?”

It takes them all a moment to realize Ranboo is making a joke. It’s hard to tell who starts laughing first between the two of them, but Tubbo looks at Wilbur, and Wilbur looks back, and they’re crumbling to hysterics.

“Oh my gosh– I am so sorry–” Ranboo panics at first, thinking he’s reduced them both to tears, before realizing somehow it’s much worse. Wilbur hits the ground first, already weak, curling into a ball as his stomach aches from laughter, Tubbo all but falls on top of him, tears spilling out alongside something almost like his usual cackle and the other three members present can only assume they’ve both gone mad.

Wilbur looks over as Tubbo leans against him, steady enough to at least focus on taking deep breaths, and there’s something of a mutual understanding there. Neither of them think it’s fair that Wilbur is there and Tommy isn’t. Neither of them wanted it to go this way. That gives them something of an allyship.

#my writing #wake up.#tddd #violence cw

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enneamage · 2 years

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Any thoughts related to tommy's role-playing on the dsmp?

Nowhere near as sensational as Wilbur but there's interesting little nuggets lying around.

C!Tommy might not have started out as a character on purpose but I’ve talked before about how he had an era (that may now be coming to a close) of extending his Three Disintegration habits into a stream persona. It’s muddy because it’s a facet of him but it’s also just a bit he does really well, and the difference between Tommy and c!Tommy originated from the fact that flesh and blood Tommy isn’t actually living in Minecraft.

I would say that what you see is what you get with c!Tommy compared to c!Wilbur because c!Tommy is a lot less internal, but then the issue becomes interpreting his actions. I think most people come to the same conclusions, he was a rambunctious dude who wanted to make his mark and was willing to play dirty to achieve that. He was in his overcompensation arc, which wouldn't be out of place for an insecure teen on the internet, and then… I can’t say he mellowed out but he got very sad in character, which did map onto what was going on in his life at the time. He’s going through a lot of changes as we speak and I’m curious how they’re going to show up in the “volume 1” finale of his character.

For lack of a better word c!Tommy gets woobified a lot and I do understand why, but it seems like a shame to not like someone for the entirety of who they really are. He was very ends-above-means and pretty brutal sometimes, more than he's given credit for depending on what corner of the fandom you're in. He wasn’t often my cup of tea but I could tell what he was going for in the early days.

I haven’t seen a ton of Tommy pov lore, so a lot of my lore exposure is clips and cultural osmosis which I know is dangerous when it comes to inheriting bias. I personally haven’t made many observations about how he thinks / functions from lore but I would say the odds are good that you would be able to. I know that in-character he’s talked about needing a leader so that he wouldn’t have to bear the weight of making his own decisions and directing himself when talking about Wilbur. He’s also talked about holding onto relationships and how he prioritises not being alone. Basically I feel very validated when he deep-talks but I also haven’t seen all of those moments by a longshot.

I will say that c!Tommy is a lot more mentally closed off than cc!Tommy, he takes whatever perspective-taking issues that Tommy might have (or had) and cranks them up to 10. C!Tommy highlights the part of him that gets defensive and self-righteous and goes to black and white thinking under stress, which became increasingly hard to critique as his legitimate trauma piled on.

I did personally check in on exile because I kept hearing how intense it seemed to people, and it was very interesting as the brain child of a pair of Sixes. It felt like the first drops of Tommy steering the ship in a writer way separately from Wilbur, and he was immediately like "Just fuck me up” and Dream said "say no more I got you." They both went to playing with the fear of abandonment and isolation knowing exactly how potent it was. People have talked about how Tommy and Dream ‘yes, and’ each other to new heights (and lows) as a duo when they’ve both got their filters off, but this seems to be the case when they’re playing serious as well; they both want to lean into the dangerous and the extreme.

The behind the scenes dynamic of Tommy and Dream always fascinated me because there’s this civil agreement to be mutually antagonistic. If I’ve got my facts straight Dream asked for permission to start the disc war as something to do in the beginning, and it all kicked off from there. I know it’s not much deeper than the fact that actors aren’t their characters and chat over lunch about their roles, but it must take quite a bit of trust to collaborate on such an intense onscreen dynamic.

I'm genuinely very curious what kind of writer Tommy is going to be in the future. (Shoutout to zombie Tommy, love to see an empowered young villain.) It’s too early to tell what his patterns are but he’s got a lot of intensity and tragedy-loving influences so I’m waiting to see what reflects in his future work.

#tmmy 6w7 #I think we're on the cusp of learning a lot about what Tommy thinks his character deserves #He's in his own corner when he's playing him but he's got more awareness of himself and others as a creative #so it's a mystery #for now #loreposting #gen tmmy tag

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tsui-no-sora · 2 years

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yes i can and will call you out out, im stealing the revive book i am singlehandedly reviving cringe culture /j

i mean. cdream is a caffeine addict, it's basically canon if you ask me, i am now having a very vivid image of cdream sat in a heap of books and note papers drinking coffee straight from the pot as punz anxiously hovers at the edge of said pile, clutching a bag of steadily cooling McPuffNuggets.

yeah the odds for a full 100% happy ending for cfiances are Slim, especially since they're all at uh. very different lore wrap up stages. the lnv finale is very likely going to be the end of quackity's character. the odds for cdream dying or /p dreamnap somehow reconciling in that stream are even lower than the fiances wedding so it's definitely not gonna be the narrative end for sapnap. and im not even touching ckarl with a ten feet pole. i saw the ghost post btw, i am very much hoping that ccq isn't just gonna kill his character off entirely. atleast he's gonna wrap his story up, which is something which i've only heard a few ccs talk about. rip cranboo i guess. literally.

honestly, if we're looking at the scene from a doylist perspective the most likely interpretation is proabably just that ccsapnap wasn't prepared to rp a mental flip on his fiance And his murderhobo bestie. in character he probably he just filed it away for later when he wasn't actively preparing to fight dream.

don't worry finn, we all have our c!diskduo demons hidden away in the tumblr drafts. mine probably are the polar opposite of yours but the point still stands.

i mean you don't have to agree obviously, but i think inconsolable established firmly that wilbur had no fucking clue that dream had gotten out of prison. even if you consider the possibility of him lying to tommy, the fantasy sequence made it pretty clear that he still expected dream to be locked inside the prison. so it's either train talk or prison visit. i still haven't gotten around to rewatching that scene, i'll let you know what i think once i do.

csam has to make the ultimate decision between stopping the collapse of las nevadas and bringing cdream a bacon and cheese sandwich as quackity watches in despair. take a guess what he chooses. i wonder if csam has any plans to end his character.

i mean especially cdteam is also a complicated, tangled and angry mess, but yeah q and sam had care but also this very business like and scary.y vibe to them. i would genuinely kill to see a confrontation between them during that stream now that both underwent very drastic changes in mentality (for the worse or for the bettter.

im genuinely trying to keep my expectations low and simple, even though i fear that the first is probably a disservice to ccquackity's work and i literally cant help the second.

I'm not depressed" TikTok audio which I mean pretty fitting for them

I really wonder if that's actually going to be the ending of the character I have the feeling like the most lore based ccs are trying to wrap up their lore already which I don't know if it's in preparation for the second season because Foolish did say he was getting near his last streams for the first season but he called it that directly implying that whatever the world altering event is will lead to the second season and well Wilbur had said that while the lore will be done with his character he would still be around so maybe Quackity will still be around just with less serious lore which a ghost character could work pretty well for that

C!Ranboo is so dead he's just so dead but I really wanted to know what his deal with c!Dream was c'mon at least tell me that man

I really am so confused on what direction the dsmp is going to go

Yeah that's probably pretty true but now I don't know when to really chuck things up to eh it's just the streamers improving because not everything is that serious because after seeing how specific their scripts got at points during the tribute video I think I may have severly underestimated that point in the past

The latest one I had was like a 5 page essay on c!Dream c!Tommy and obsession that I was so close to posting but that I held back on because maybe society just isn't ready for it just yet and the other one was c!Dream c!Ranboo c!Tommy and The Plan that was pretty much just me crying because c!Tommy c!Ranboo friendship matters to me but so does c!Endersmile

So yeah I bet they are complete opposites on almost every regard to ironically I feel like we agree the most on c!Tommy himself

I guess I didn't see it as what he was expecting the most just as what he was one more used to and what made more sense because well in a real setting if c!Dream wanted to kill c!Wilbur it wouldn't really be a difficult task for him to do so therefore what made more sense in my brain is yeah his fantasy takes place here because it's the only possible place it could occur in c!Wilbur killing c!Dream like that and c!Quackity and c!Sam torturing him like that are things that could only happen there makes it all the more imperative that he stays there

But on that case train talk it's what makes more sense because c!Sam didn't really let other people visit c!Dream c!Sapnap did say that getting past him for any visit at all was incredibly difficult so I don't think he would have left c!Wilbur in

Honestly if that did happen in lore I would just be cheering on for c!Dream getting his cool moment of revenge I think he's earned it by now and I don't think he does whenever he brings up c!Sam or any of his other dsmp oriented proyects it's only to talk about what more things he wants to do to my knowledge he hasn't really spoken ever about putting an end to the server or to any of his characters and I don't really think he wants to he seems to have a lot of fun in it and he's part of the members who have been on it the longest after all

C!Dteam are everything to me and also have so many issues that I just don't know how their happy ending could go but I'm still holding onto for hope okay

C!Sam and c!Quackity confrontation just really calls to me because look at all the awful things they did together they both know the other is capable on some pretty inhumane things a business relationship like that is dangerous and seeing how different they are now than when they first met it would just be cool to hear them talk about it

#ghost tag #the comeback of the essayssss #this just made me miss lore so bad just now #beloved's asks

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infizero · 1 year

Text

I posted 14,320 times in 2022

2,072 posts created (14%)

12,248 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/cartoonrival

@/wiiwarechronicles

@/infizero

@/autisticshadowthehedgehog

@/0xeyedaisy

I tagged 12,655 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#art - 6,235 posts

#dream smp - 4,671 posts

#serena.txt - 1,852 posts

#🌈queue🌈 - 1,596 posts

#sth - 1,562 posts

#tommyinnit - 1,450 posts

#toh - 878 posts

#tubbo - 817 posts

#wilbur soot - 740 posts

#toh spoilers - 704 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#so many of these are just ‘’something bad happens to ________’’ which honestly means i probably have a high chance of getting a bingo tot

My Top Posts in 2022:

i too go into a dissociative state where i imagine violently murdering cdream for what he did to ctommy

733 notes - Posted June 6, 2022

so many dsmp characters have girlswag but like in different ways. c!tommy has horse girl and christian girl swag, c!quackity has final girl swag, and c!bbh has victorian woman diagnosed with hysteria swag

761 notes - Posted April 5, 2022

supporting me isnt directed at maria because he says “i’ll be losing you before long” which wouldn’t make sense since yknow. shadow already lost maria. but do you know who it DOES make sense with?? someone who is associated with goodness/light, someone who shadow needs help from at the time of the song playing, someone who shadow WILL be losing soon?

932 notes - Posted April 13, 2022

i need you all to know that when stone said “take me with you doctor!” and got scooped up by robotnik’s chaos magic shit with a big smile on his face despite literally being dangled upside down i literally whispered under my breath “of course you would like that you little freak” 😭

1,038 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I really loved how Knuckles changing sides was built up throughout the movie. It didn’t come out of left field at all. Him berading Robotnik for wanting to ditch Agent Stone, the moment between him and Sonic on the mountain about their backstories, the comment about how Sonic chose to save Tails instead of grabbing the compass... the movie repeatedly gives us these moments that show that Knuckles isn’t really a bad guy and actually has a strong sense of morality when it comes to things like trust and honor and all that, which makes it feel extremely natural when he saves Sonic and joins his side even if you didn’t know it was coming.

2,123 notes - Posted April 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#thought i might as well post this lol #i find it funny that my top 3 posts were all sonic-related THATS THE RENAISSANCE AT WORK BABEY!

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faunthekid · 3 years

Text

maybe this is just bc the way i am but.

oh i need c!wilbur to find redemption. he needs to cut the fake apology bullshit. the little knowing looks to the camera. he’s planning something. and, first of all, i LOVE this character, alright, but i’m not rooting for him. i’m rooting for whatever he has planned next to fall down all around him. i want it to go up in flames before it really even starts. i want his old friends and the ppl he used to care about to truly lay into him that he can’t continue down this road he’s going down, and for once i want him to listen. i want shame. i want c!wilbur soot to realize that this ugly growing rot in his heart isn’t something he should embrace and i want a BREAK DOWN. i want TEARS. i want him to realize for a lot of things in a lot of ways he doesn’t DESERVE forgiveness. and i want him to get it still from a few people. people like tommy and tubbo and niki maybe. and i want him to realize being good or trying to be and caring for people and loving them is so so much better than this grey morality and recklessness and discardment of all his past ideologies and values.

because i know this is a story of betrayal and pain. of war and blood

but it’s also been the story of healing and revolutions and friendship and god i want c!wilbur to get to heal. and i want the catharsis that comes with that. i’m so tired of villian arcs and revenge. i just hope dsmp writers know watching a character heal and change for the better, even if it makes them “weak”, that can be just as powerful -if not more- as watching a character succumb to madness, burning with his nation.

#ccwilbur soot is so talented at writing characters and evolving them #growing them #changing them #but i want him to take c!wilbur in a different direction #let him be vulnerable and weak #even if it means giving up his prowess and the power he gets from his reputation #watching someone relearn that rain is beautiful and something to be cherished #and watching someone break down and hug their brother saying i’m sorry i’m sorry #watching someone really really try to be good #would be so so beautiful to watch #and i really feel it would inspiring #and watchers might feel like THEY have a chance to change #cmon i know it’s just minecraft roleplay but thousands upon thousands of people are invested #and the writers and cc wilbur have the chance to make something bittersweet and beautiful i #instead of continuing down this path of blood and ear and ruin and angst #i love the angst #but let’s get some happiness #let at least one character refind himself and his happiness #please #dream smp #dream smp lore #dsmp lore #dsmp writing #wilbur soot #cc wilbur soot #cwilbursoot #c!wilbur #wilbur soot is back #revivbur #revived wilbur

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felinedetached · 3 years

Text

Fandom Ableism in the MCYT Community

[Edited 14 June 2021]

One thing I’ve noticed about the MCYT (Dream SMP, specifically) community on both Tumblr and Twitter is that when informed of things that are ableist, or harmful to ND people, a lot of people ignore the post/tweet, derail it or actively fight against it.

“I’m ND so I can’t be ableist” is a common statement, which is blatantly untrue. Even I’ve used ableist terms and phrases before, without realising they were harmful. So as a neurodivergent person, with autism, BPD, depression/anxiety, dyslexia, psychosis & brain damage*: here’s some common ableist things both CCs and fandom say almost constantly**.

*note that not every neurodivergent person will agree with me on these, but these are commonly ableist things people have previously talked about online, and/or have been discussed between me and other neurodivergent friends. No minority can ever speak for the entire group.

**note that a lot of these are common outside the MCYT community as well, and that some of these are just considered societally acceptable. This isn’t okay, but it explains why a lot of people don’t recognise jokes or comments like these are wrong, and it means that it’s not a direct moral failing of people that they don’t immediately or directly recognise these comments as wrong.

Now, let’s get into the things you might not have realised are potentially ableist:

1. Use of “Psychopath/Psycho/Sociopath/Schizo” and other demeaning terms for people with mental illnesses as insults, or to describe characters who are considered villainous. Psychopath/Psycho/Sociopath are already terms that people with ASPD dislike using, even not as an insult, but using these terms to describe people or characters who you disagree with or see as villainous only contributes to the villainisation of people with ASPD and other mental illnesses. Using c!Dream as an example: Dream as a character is not confirmed to have any of these mental illnesses. He is, however, commonly labeled as psychotic/psychopathic, incapable of any kind of compassion.

He is also a character that fandom largely insists that nobody is allowed to sympathise with. This is a huge issue, and has hurt a lot of people, especially people with low empathy, or mental illnesses that cause them to relate to some of c!Dream’s actions (e.g. pulling away from all his friends, desperately grasping at straws to gain control of situations etc). Insisting that these characters are characters it’s impossible to sympathise with, all while calling them psychotic/psychopathic/sociopathic, is extremely harmful, and I hope this post draws attention to that.

Here’s another post that talks about that.

2. Use of the term “freak”, in general. As an insult, “freak” has been typically used to insult neurodivergent people, people with visible physical disabilities (ex. “freakshow”, and the term was reportedly created with the intent of insulting people with physical disabilities), or people who display any kind of abnormal/atypical social behaviour/physical aspects — people who are usually ND people who lack a diagnosis or people with physical disabilities. Recent usage has come to mean “people who do things that hurt other people”, but this is harmful as well; using words like “freak” or “weirdo” which mean “socially atypical behaviour” to refer to people who are actually doing things that hurt other people conflates the two, and often has a side effect of hurting disabled people who see it.

3. Calling ND ccs like Technoblade monotone/emotionless. While the term “monotone” isn’t ableist in and of itself, the fact that it’s being used against a neurodivergent man who emotes in a different way to neurotypical people rubs a lot of ND people the wrong way. I’ve partially discussed this here, in a tweet responding to a person who said that c!Technoblade, quote, “has no human capabilities like emotion for example”. This, however, is not something contained to c!Technoblade — one of the most common jokes in this fandom is how rare it is to hear emotion in Technoblade’s voice.

The issue with that is that neurodivergent people almost universally agree that Technoblade emotes perfectly fine, and, in fact, emotes more freely and clearly than a lot of others do. Hence, calling him monotone perpetuates the idea of ND people as emotionless/less able to be hurt/less expressive, which often hurts us. It also contributes to the dehumanisation of ND people — related to how ND symptoms are most often seen in robots or monsters in shows — and is generally extremely harmful, on top of being untrue.

4. Related to point 3: the infantilisation of ND ccs like Tubbo and Dream, usually paired with assigning “caretakers” of their friends, like Tommy and George. This is about the posts that spread like “omg, Tommy helps Tubbo with his dyslexia, that’s so cute” or “omg George is so patient with Dream, I could never sit through that” on videos of Dream vocally stimming because of his ADHD. This is another post that talks about this, but I wanted to talk more about why this is harmful here.

4a) With Tubbo’s dyslexia, from someone with dyslexia, it isn’t harmful to correct his spelling and move on. Personally, I think this is helpful — others will think it’s condescending, because not all ND people are the same — but as the above linked post mentions, this is not what Tubbo’s twitch chat does. This is not what the comments say. It’s all things about how it’s “so cute” that Tubbo can’t spell, how Tommy/Ranboo are “so patient” with correcting him. This is rooted in the need to constantly watch over ND people while acting like we can't live our lives without someone having us under constant vigilance. It feels like savior-complex ableism, like people are trying so hard to not be ableist that they spin back around to hurting us instead. And it feels like we are being treated like children. Like we are lesser than, and need to be monitored/watched over.

4b) Similarly to what people do with Tubbo, the comments on posts about Dream’s vocal stimming are often full of people calling George “patient” for “dealing with it”, or claiming they “wouldn’t be able to handle it”. This is inherently ableist. They’re praising George for basic human decency towards ND people, and claiming in the same breath that they wouldn’t be able to do that themselves. And then there’s these.

These comments infantilise Dream — claiming he “wouldn’t be able to stop/calm down” without George’s help, implying he’d “spiral out of control” or claiming “everyone is now my child”. It’s all related to the infantilisation of ND people, and the belief that without help/a caretaker we cannot take care of ourselves.

5. The way people treat ccs who likely have undiagnosed neurodivergencies, like Wilbur. Wilbur has openly admitted on stream before that his parents considered getting him an autism diagnosis. He also openly admits on stream that he has habits he doesn’t understand why he does, and hyperfixates on things for months at a time and doesn’t know why. Posts like this have gone around Tumblr, in which Wilbur displays blatantly ND traits.

And fandom generally calls him weird for expressing those traits. This video where he talks about eating sand because he likes the texture? That’s an ND trait. This video where he talks about his irrational hatred for anteaters? While mostly a joke, irrational hatred of something when you can’t explain/understand/articulate why is also a common ND trait. He spends 20 minutes during a Philza stream info-dumping about self-sustaining ecosystems (sharing the photo, because I think it’s really cool) and fandom begins calling them “Wilbur’s weird jars”. It’s demeaning to people who infodump, and as a ND person who hyperfixates and infodumps it’s really upsetting to see. It’s also upsetting to see other ND traits being called “weird” or “freaky” & made out to be soley some funny joke for NT people to laugh at us about.

Additionally: It’s strange to me that people think it’s okay to make fun of ND traits just because they know that or perceive that the person they’re making fun of is NT. It’s still making fun of ND traits. It’s still insulting ND people. It’s still ableist as hell. Why is it okay just because the person is NT?

6. Implying that c!Ranboo’s enderwalking is inherently violent. Ranboo has shown us time and time again that the enderwalk state isn’t a violent state. That the enderwalk state isn’t a seperate version of c!Ranboo that does horrific things. Why, then, is it so common to imply that Ranboo would be violent and hurt people why he’s enderwalking?

It comes back to the perception of c!Ranboo as a character with “two halves”, or as a character with DID. Ranboo has made it clear that his character does not have DID, but this headcanon about his character persists, and it persists in a way that is directly harmful to people with DID — and to people who dissociate or sleepwalk. We do not commit horrific acts while we dissociate, while we’re sleepwalking, because the majority of the time we’re just checked out, our body is on autopilot. Insinuating that we do is harmful. Insinuating that Ranboo has “another half” that’s inherently violent or evil is harmful to people with DID. I’m not going to ask you to stop writing these headcanons etc, but please consider the effect you have on people before you do.

7. Related to point 6: the perception of c!Ranboo as “soft” and “cute” and/or perfectly moral because of his canonical anxiety. This is really harmful, and comes once again from the infantilisation of disorders like anxiety and depression. Ranboo has made clear time and time again that his character isn’t moral, and in fact is extremely inconsistent. He’s portrayed his character as inconsistent, as someone who hurts his friends unintentionally and often due to his want to please everyone, and yet he’s constantly seen as “soft/pure/the only moral one” because of his anxiety causing to have repeated and consistent spirals on-screen. These spirals are not healthy. They don’t indicate his “perfect morals” or make him more moral than anyone else on the SMP. Please stop infantilising people with anxiety, it’s really hurtful.

8. Implying that c!Technoblade is inherently a violent person because of his voices. I’ll admit here: my hallucinations are visual. I do not get auditory hallucinations, and I cannot speak for people who do. But many people have spoken out about this, and discussed how talking about Technoblade as an inherently violent character because of his voices is harmful, and a stereotype of people with schizophrenia.

Technoblade’s character is, in and of itself, inherently a stereotype (despite the fact that his chat are more likely to be a supernatural entity than a symptom of a disorder such as schizophrenia) in that the idea of “hearing voices that encourage violence” is a stereotype of people with schizophrenia. As an actual symptom, is a very uncommon one. More common auditory hallucinations for people with schizophrenia or psychosis are, reportedly, whispers or unrelated conversation. One of my friends hears screaming.

But the issue is with the implication that c!Technoblade is “driven to violence” by the voices. Canonically, he has dealt with the “bloodlust” of chat by grinding withers. He’s perfectly capable of being peaceful, even with “voices pushing for violence”, and he’s perfectly capable of being violent without the “voices” influence. It’s the connotations and the history that fandom has in demonising and villainising c!Technoblade for even having the “voices” in the first place, and acting having them makes him inherently violent and unstable. There’s precedent for that already in society, and it’s not okay to perpetuate it.

[Edit: as of 22/05/2021, I do experience auditory hallucinations, and I can confirm that I am not any more violent, and the voices I hear don’t push me to violence. The clearest one just said ‘click’ in my ear.]

9. Jokes about brain damage and the use of “brainrot” as a term. I made a post about how common jokes about brain damage are here, and I would like to reiterate bits of it.

Jokes like these are really really normalized in modern society. I’m sure a lot of you didn’t even register it as wrong, and that isn’t a moral failing! It’s a norm in society, and that means the majority of people arent going to register it as something hurtful, because it’s said so often. But it does still hurt. The idea of using a disability as an insult is really harmful and it feels dehumanizing, like our disability makes us lesser, something that should be laughed at.

“Brainrot” as a term originated in Skyrim, as a disease that literally rotted your brain. However, as a term, it has very similar connotations to “brain damaged” and has been used in similarly joking and insulting ways. It’s something that feels really off to me and other neurodivergent people to see used by neurotypical people. It even sometimes feels uncomfortable when used by neurodivergent people, even if it’s used in positive ways. I know quite a few people who have removed it from their vocab completely because of the connotations, and I have personally done the same. Once again, I am just asking you to please consider your words before you use them.

10. Calling c!Wilbur during his Pogtopia Arc “Vilbur”. Yes, he was a villain. Yes, he hurt people. But c!Wilbur during the Pogtopia Arc only has one major difference from c!Wilbur during the L’Manburg Arc: a visible depiction of mental illness, specifically paranoia and psychosis. Treating him as a seperate person and calling that seperate person “Vilbur” comes across as extremely hurtful, and contributes to the villainisation of mentally ill people. His mental illness does not excuse him from hurting people, but calling c!Wilbur “Vilbur” upsets a lot of us, because wether or not it’s intended, it feels reductive, hurtful, and insulting.

If you got to the end of this post, thank you so much for reading. I hope that this helped you recognise things that you might not have known were ableist, and that you consider what I’ve said here. I also know that I haven’t addressed everything ableist that’s spread through the MCYT fandom community, so if you’re ND and have something you’d like to add, please feel free.

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cmyknoise · 2 years

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c!phil critical, fyi 💛

(everyone i talk about is referring to their characters. would never post cc! crit, cause i love them dearly. also this is a long post and will be tagged as such. if something isn’t tagged please tell me and i’ll tag it. also i want to mention before anyone claims as such, i’ve watched each bit of phil’s povs and streams, and i do enjoy his character. it’s well written and he roleplays well and i do like his character, i just also think his character is an utterly horrible person and is a very very bad father.

also again this is just the characters, and i just simply think his character is an asshole. if you enjoy his character that’s fine, all the power to you! im sure plenty could make essay level things about tommy & wilbur and anyone else. we all have our characters we like/dislike and for me I just don’t like c!phil and i just feel the need to analyze his ability/inability as a father and how it’s negatively affected wilbur)

I think that the way Phil has treated and has been implied to treat c!Wilbur is a direct cause and in correlation to everything Wilbur has done, including the events of November 16th.

Let me explain. There is a long running pattern of the way Phil addresses and refers to Wilbur, and of how Wilbur refers to Phil that can give us a huge clue on their relationship, views, and other opinions about each other, as well as their past.

Phil has a pattern of referring and making references to Wilbur as if he were a very young child, despite his age being in his 20′s (and in revived Wilbur’s case, mentally in his 40′s).

Here’s some examples:

November 16th, he referenced Wilbur’s breakdown to a child throwing their toys out of a pram during a temper tantrum

Gave an example of Wilbur destroying toy/built buildings as a kid, comparing it to the destruction of L’manburg

Threatened to kick Wilbur out of his house if he didn’t ‘go play with the neighbor kid’ Ranboo

Doomsday, ‘You’ll understand when your older’ following Ghostbur’s speech about how Doomsday was unnecessary and hurt innocent people and things

Phil consistently refers to Wilbur as if he were a child. He talks down to him. He addresses him as a young child. He doesn’t take what he says seriously, and scolds him, once again, like a child.

There could be a plethora of reasons for this, from his immortality, to Wilbur having left as a teen, whatever the reason he is constant and persistent in treating him like a child. To the point where he doesn’t even take what he says seriously, brushing him off with nonsense as one would a kid.

When he found out that Wilbur had lied to him about the events of early L’manburg, Wilbur admitted to this and compared it to if a parent had sent their child to a camp or school and it cost them a lot of money, but they’re having an awful time, but they lie so their parents feel good about the money they spent.

Wilbur felt as though Phil would be disappointed in what he did, so he lied and made himself sound great, sound a way he’d be proud, and yet, he got none of that validation.

Consistently Wilbur does things in hopes of Phil’s validation and support, “Phill will be proud.” “Will Phil be proud?”

But to our knowledge he never got that. We even somewhat saw that- Wilbur asking if Phil would be proud and Phil in his hardcore world saying ‘why would i be proud?’. Phil’s response is dubiously canon, but what Wilbur states about hoping Phil is proud is. Even so, we do see instances of Phil having a dislike of what Wilbur’s done, even if not outright said. Phil thinks all government is corrupt and that is absolute. Wilbur running one wouldn’t be any different. It wouldn’t skew Phil’s views.

Also, being Wilbur’s guardian and parent, he’s directly responsible for much of what Wilbur has learned, including his very black and white views of thinking and the world.

Phil views most things as strictly good or bad. L’manburg was strictly bad in his eyes. Everyone apart of it was bad with only a few exceptions (Ranboo).

Meanwhile he views everything himself or Techno having done as for the greater good. No matter who they hurt or what is innocently victim, they’re right.

This translates to Wilbur’s views of the world and himself, where he believes that everyone views him as bad sometime in Pogtopia. In his eyes that means he could be nothing but bad, and so he played the roll of what he thought others saw him as. He’d be bad before they could make assumptions, at least that way he had some control over it.

It’s the same when we look at his conversations with Ranboo, where he doesn’t believe there’s a middle ground. Things don’t exist without sides, he’s adamant on these views.

So inherently it’s these views which heavily contribute to Wilbur’s own self views and worth, which sure as hell didn’t help his mental spiral in Pogtopia, and the further lack of any sort of acknowledgement from Phil despite his desperate want for it just helped.

Now something a bit ‘controversial’ for some reason.

Phil was responsible for Wilbur’s death, no one else.

Wilbur’s death was nothing short but assisted suicide. Someone who commits suicide is not responsible for their own death.

L’manburg wasn’t responsible. Manberg wasn’t responsible. Tommy, Quackity, etc. etc. They’re not responsible for Wilbur’s death.

The only person responsible is the man who actually killed him, and that was Phil.

Phil killed his own son, and no amount of pressure should lead to such an outcome. No amount of hopelessness should lead to that, there’s no excuses.

Even the excuse of Phil being unaware of Wilbur being on his final life, or being unaware of his mental health, that doesn’t hold up. Someone begging for death is outright a red flag for anyone, but is especially worse being his own son.

What makes it worse is it isn’t a spur of the moment decision. He hesitate. He weighs other options, such as not killing him, and yet ultimately decides to anyway.

Anyone, given the situation, where you think someone is mentally sound, begs you to kill them? Would you go through with it? No! Especially not someone you know and hold dear. There is no excuse for Phil killing his son. Not one.

And before anyone tries to throw that Wilbur was killed for the safety of others, or that Phil didn’t know he was on his final life, here’s the rebuttal (because I will not be arguing or discussing in the comments/replies <3).

What made Wilbur a threat in that moment? He’d already pressed the button. Fun fact: No one died to Wilbur’s explosion.

Wilbur had no armor on him. He had no more TNT. He had a sword of which he’d promptly given to Phil, it wasn’t even fully enchanted. He was not a danger. Any danger he was was neutralized already. Killing him did absolutely nothing, he was not a threat. Interestingly enough, there was a threat on the field that day. Technoblade. Techno had spawned three withers and started to shoot and fight people. If Philza had been concerned about Wilbur killing civilians and felt the need to kill Wilbur to stop that, how come he’d not felt the same need to kill Technoblade? Techno’s withers caused deaths (including Wilbur when he respawned), as well as further destruction. An argument can not be made that Phil was neutralizing a threat when he left a greater one alive to continue. I mean, you could make that argument, but that’d also make it worse by admitting Phil holds Techno in a higher ‘do not kill’ priority than his own son.

And to those who might say ‘but he didn’t know Wilbur was on his last life’! Okay, I raise you this, what exactly would’ve been the benefit of Wilbur dying, of Phil killing him there? I want to reiterate that Wilbur wasn’t a threat November 16th, and that if he’d died and respawned, if nothing else being killed would’ve only furthered his deep mental health spiral and would’ve continued to worsen Phil’s relationship with him.

There’s no way you can twist Phil’s assistance of Wilbur’s suicide in a positive light. He was not forced. There was no threat to neutralize. It wasn’t an accident. He was face to face with a problem, a question and a demand. He was face to face with his son begging him to be killed and he hesitated. He contemplated not killing him but ultimately decided to kill Wilbur.

Moving on past his death, Phil treated Ghostbur, in the bluntest way possibly, absolutely awfully.

Phil claimed he was mourning, that Ghostbur was just a shell of his son, but it was no one’s fault for that but himself. But on the same level, he’d never really tried to know Ghostbur, because from other points of views we see how those claims are completely and utterly false. Even from his own perspective, see his speech during Doomsday.

It’s not an excuse to treat someone how Ghostbur was treated, which was often ignored, brushed off, belittled, etc. He once again suffered from Phil treating him like a child. “You’ll understand when you’re older” type beat.

He felt burdened by feeling as if he were babysitting, which was never really the case. Phil would hardly listen to Ghostbur, often giving him short and curt responses like ‘yes Ghostbur’, or ‘okay Ghostbur’. He’d ignore him for the most part, disregard his feelings about Friend or his thoughts about other things.

On Doomsday, he looked down on Ghostbur, spouting that he wouldn’t understand, that all of L’manburg was bad, even when Ghostbur desperately tried to voice otherwise. That innocent people were hurt, asking what he ever did to deserve his home to be destroyed, for Friend to die, and Phil doesn’t address this. He doesn’t address Ghostbur’s points, only brushing him off as misunderstanding.

He proceeded to tell Techno how mad he was, and laughed with him at the mention of Ghostbur forgetting their argument. Ghostbur did, and Phil spoke with him as if nothing happened.

This is so especially upsetting when you have the perspective of Wilbur, who views Phil in such a positive light on a pedestal. He always spoke well of him. He told Tommy how great he was. He seems to always seek Phil’s approval, and he gets none.

Here’s some more instances of Phil treating Wilbur as if he were a child:

Comparing Friend to a pet goldfish that he has to 'lie about' dying or replacing

Comparing the burger van to another on of Wilbur's projects he'll grow bored of

Here’s a bonus of how Wilbur felt like a child:

Comparing the lies in his letters to a lie a child would tell their parent about how well summer camp is going to make them feel better about their decision or money spent to send the kid to summer camp

This is a pattern, it’s not a good one. It shows us one big thing, and that is that Phil doesn’t view Wilbur like an adult. He constantly and consistently views him as a child which needs reprimanding or can’t do things on his own, can’t be trusted. It’s belittling.

Time and time again he’s not given respect for his accomplishments, for his decisions. His opinions and thoughts, his concerns, anything he does is treated as if it’s worthless babble from a child. That’s how Phil treats him.

There could be many reasons why, we’ve never been outright told much of their past.

Maybe Phil sees him as a child because he’s immortal and he just is stuck thinking that his 24 year old son is a child.

Maybe it’s because Wilbur left as a teen so Phil never got to see him grow into an adult so he treats him how he remembers him.

I mean, we do know Wilbur left home some time ago. There was enough time for him to meet Tommy while Tommy was relatively young. He ‘named’ him. (Tommy said he’d spent a while finding on his own before he met Wilbur, but they’ve also known each other for at least a few years to have the relationship that they do).

We don’t know why Wilbur left or how early/young, just that he did years before the events of the DSMP. Enough time to meet Sally and have all the stories he does, enough to have had Fundy and known Tommy longer than he did Sally.

We don’t know exactly how Wilbur’s childhood was like. We don’t know how Phil initially raised him, but we know Wilbur respects him. We know Wilbur spoke very highly of him to people like Tommy. We also know that he was gone long enough to develop some differing opinions, such as his views on government.

We know Wilbur desperately wants Phil’s approval and doesn’t receive it. Almost everything he’s done, he’s mentioned Phil and Phil’s approval and his opinion. He has most of his deep-rooted opinions of morality learned from Phil.

It’s a combination of these things which has deeply contributed to Wilbur’s spiraling mental health. It’s those deep-rooted opinions of morality that he attributed to himself, which furthered his negative views on himself and what he did, all the while hoping what he did manage to do, would impress Phil.

Then you have his death, which was undeniably Phil’s fault.

Then being revived, one of the first people Wilbur went out to speak with. He moved in, spoke with him. He was very confronted with the letters and the lies which Wilbur answered, and we learn that again he just wanted Phil to be proud of him.

But then, he has an idea, to build a burger van. Something he seemed proud to do, excited to do. He asked Phil to help him, but Phil told him to go make friends with Ranboo, threatening to ground or kick him out if he didn’t (once again, treating him like a child, but also not even helping Wilbur with a new project, brushing it off).

Phil had been guilt over Wilbur’s death, he’d stated that multiple times. He felt guilt over murdering his son, assisting his suicide, and yet given the opportunity to spend time with him, build with him, help him, he denies it. He doesn’t want to help him with the burger van, not even help Wilbur collect supplies, and he tells him to go do it with Ranboo.

Every time Wilbur wants validation, respect, help from his father, he gets none in return. He’s left respecting and clinging to the chance of validation from a man who doesn’t respect him in the slightest nor view him as worthy of being validated or proud of.

TLDR: Philza is a horrendous father. He’s only made Wilbur’s situation worse and if anything could be attributed as an underlying cause to most of Wilbur’s problems and sufferings. Phil’s biggest shortcoming, aside from assisting Wilbur with his suicide, boils down to his complete and utter lack of respect for Wilbur. He views Wilbur as a child and doesn’t respect his ability to do things on his own or his views and opinions. What he’s taught Wilbur along with his treatment of him has contributed a lot to Wilbur’s views on himself and the world which has had devastating effects on his life.

#c!phil crit #c!phil critical #philza #ph1lza #wilbur soot #long post #analysis #critical #suicide mention #suicide tw #murder tw #ask to tag #if i've missed a tag PLEASE tell me so i can tag it properly #thank you <3 #also again this is purely criticism on c!phil as a father #people who like phil? great i'm friends with some phil apologists #people who disagree? thats fine! we have differing views and opinions and read into characters differently #<3 #lemon's stuff

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capt-spooki3 · 2 years

Text

By The Witch's Grace

Technoblade's Route

Chapter Five: The Decision

A Sbi "choose your own story" fanfiction

Click here for story description(and for route emoji code)

Warnings: cursing, mention of bruises and injures, kidnapping, kind of human trafficking?(turning someone in for money)

4.9k words

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“Okay, play a ‘C’.”

Y/n was answered by the strum of a guitar.

“Good, ‘A’.”

Another strum.

“Now a bit of a challenge, play ‘A’, then ‘C’, then ‘E’.”

And the consecutive strums of different chords followed.

“You’re learning so fast Wilbur! You’re doing really good, honestly.” Y/n said with a smile, busying themself with looking through a music book enough to not notice the adoring look Wilbur was giving them after the praise. He focused back on the instrument for a moment before looking back at them and opening his mouth to speak, but not before seeing Technoblade pop in at the top of the staircase.

“Hey Pigeon, sorry to bother you two, but Tommy and I wanted to know if you had animal-safe dye and if so if we can dye a couple of the sheep.” He asked nonchalantly even as Y/n looked up at him bewildered before they broke out into a laugh. Shaking their head, they turned around slightly from their spot on the floor to face the staircase.

“Yeah, go right ahead. I don’t have actual dye, but I have some herbs that can dye the wool. Look in the top left barrel, take what ones look like they will dye something.” He nodded at their words and gave them a thumbs-up, doing his best to stifle his smile until he was out of sight. “Oh and Techno, make sure you let the dye sit on the wool for at least an hour before you rinse it!”

A moment passed, the sound of the barrel lid being taken off as he faintly hummed before he showed back up with a handful of herbs and a couple of small light-colored satchels which were stained with colors which he clearly was assuming were from whatever the bag contained. “I’ll remember that, thanks. And Wilbur, the music sounds good so far, keep it up.” He said, giving another thumbs up though this one is directed at his brother. Not letting any time spare he hurried up the stairs and disappeared around the corner, shouting out for Tommy to join him before he was gone with the sound of a closing door.

Wilbur scoffed a light laugh and shifted around to put his back up against the concrete wall as the pair were sitting on the floor despite the plush chairs being right next to them, wide open for use. Y/n turned back to him when hearing the laugh and glanced down to look at the thin booklet in their hand.

“Okay, so… try playing this now.” They turned the book around and held it out for him to read off of. He leaned closer to look over the series of chords, nodding slowly to himself as to work up the confidence to play it.

He leaned back, adjusting the guitar as he focused his attention. Playing the chords slowly as he glanced back and forth from the book to his hands. The first few rounds were rough but by the fourth go at it, he played hot cross buns perfectly.

"Yeah!!" Y/n threw their arms up enthusiastically with a big smile, making Wilbur laugh. "That was good!! You're doing such a good job with this Will.” They praised him thoroughly while he watched them with a sweet smile, clearly loving the attention he was getting. He relaxed against the wall behind them and watched them, making eye contact with them as long as they looked at him until they looked away from the nervousness of his eyes on them.

They flipped through a few pages in the book absentmindedly, stopping on a page when seeing a song they loved and was easy to practice on. Turning the book to him, Wilbur leaned forward and read the notes, mumbling them to himself each note. He leaned back and watched his fingers on the strings, glancing back and forth quite a bit at either Y/n or the book to make sure he had the right note.

He kept up playing different things until he could manage to play pieces with a couple of lines of notes. He struggled with switching chords quite a bit and even as Y/n tried to help adjust his hands when they weren’t right, it only seemed to distract him from getting better.

Wilbur was halfway through his third attempt at a piece that took up half a page on the book, Phil made his way down the stairs with a platter in hand. He knocked on the wall with his free hand which broke Wilbur’s concentration and made Y/n turn around to look at him.

“Sorry if I’m disturbing you two, but you’ve both been at this for a while. I think the two of you deserve a break.” Making his way down the stairs, Y/n scooted toward the wall so he could get past them on the stairs. “Okay, I should rephrase because I know that look you’re giving me Will, I want you both to take a break. I brought you fruit, cheese, and bread so enjoy it.”

With a little sigh, Wilbur adjusted the guitar in his lap to pull it closer to him as he looked back at the book. “Thank you, dad, you can leave now.”

Phil let out a small wheezed laugh at the quick response, setting the platter of food down on the table in between the empty plush chairs. “Harsh! Lucky you though, I actually need to talk to Y/n so it’s a break for a while, Will.” He looked at Y/n, holding his hands politely by his midriff. “Would that be alright Y/n?”

“Oh! Yeah, yeah that’s fine.” They got up quickly, looking down at Wilbur whose attention shot to them when they got up. “We can pick this up together another day, I promise. You picked up a lot today, it really is a good idea to take a break so you can absorb all that new information, you know?”

He seemed to melt just a little from their praise and nodded, though sighing as he set the guitar aside, propping it against the wall like he wasn’t ready to quit just yet.

“Alright, you win this time. Take them away father, I will just mope on my lonesome whilst eating cheese and bread!” He said dramatically, slumping his body to the side as he stood up and trudged over to the platter and picked up a piece of cheese.

They both laughed at his skit and Y/n hurried over to put their music book away before they followed Phil who was already up the stairs. They waved to Wilbur a quick goodbye and zipped around the doorway and onto the porch after the man.

Phil stretched his arms, groaning softly as he adjusted his shoulders around and let his wings droop onto the wood of the porch. Y/n carefully walked up by him, munching on a piece of apple, but stopped a few feet from his wings, not wanting to accidentally step on a feather and hurt him. He tucked his wings up against his back again with a little shake before sitting down on the top step, patting beside him.

“So…” He started, waiting until Y/h was seated beside him and comfortable to which they leaned against the beam of the railing to face him entirely. “I wanted to know what you thought of Techno.”

They perked up at his name, it seemed with the excitement of teaching Wilbur, they momentarily forgot about him. “Oh, yeah, I mean…” Being put on the spot made their mind go blank and they had to stop and really think about the man. “He’s a lot nicer than he lets on, that's for sure. If I’m honest, I was afraid of him all up until a few days ago. It’s really nice seeing another side of him, that’s for sure.”

“Do you… think he would be a good person to give your time to?”

“What?”

“I mean- you know, hang around and um… you know, do you like him?” Phil looked at them now, seeming quite interested in their opinion.

They slowly pulled their legs in to sit criss-cross. “Well, yeah, of course. I don’t have a reason not to like him. He… is nice to be around, I would feel safe around him if he came to town with me, that’s for sure.” They stopped talking, assuming Phil would have something to say after that, but he was quiet and waiting for them to say more. “Um… I guess, yeah, I would give my time to him, I would like to get to know him more, he seems like a very interesting person.”

That seemed to be just what he wanted to hear, a soft smile on his lips as he turned away, looking toward the pasture where they both could clearly see several colorful sheep and Techno near the fence, watching as Tommy walked to the back of the house with dye all over him.

“I think he needs someone like you. He has Tommy who is carefree and he has Wilbur who he can talk to and me to completely confide in, but” He looked at Y/n again, a softness in his eyes. A hopeful look. “You hold all of that in one soul. I think that would be good for him and… maybe you too.”

Something about the way he described them in reference to Techno, brought a flush to their cheeks, they could feel the warmth and yet were a bit unsure what brought it on. Looking away from Phil, they pressed the back of their hand to their cheek to feel how hot it had gotten and he chuckled a little, clearing his throat after.

“On the note of important things, I wanted to ask you about the eye.”

At the mention of the eye, their attention was grasped yet again and they looked back to meet his eyes, dropping their hand down onto their lap.

“What do you want to know?”

“How does it feel?”

“How does it… feel?” They furrowed their brows for a moment in confusion as they echoed him.

He let out a small laugh at their reaction and shifted his body to face them, getting his legs underneath of him and crossing them before completely letting his wings down. One splayed out over the porch while the other was along the stairs of the porch. Putting his hand on his chest, he tapped lightly, using the motion to tell them he was asking if it weighed on their body in a literal sense.

“Oh! Uh well…” Y/n looked down at the eye on ender, sitting and gleaming in the light on their chest then focusing on the ground to help their mind search through the proper words to use. “I don't really know how to describe it. It’s cold, I can say that for sure. Sometimes, I forget it’s even there but other times…”

Phil leaned forward toward them as his interest grew. “Describe it the best you can.”

“It’s unbearable.” They stated, flicking their eyes across the wood as they grew unsure if they should fully open up as the topic felt weirdly personal. “It alters my thoughts, the way I'm able to think sometimes. Definitely not all of the time, but if I use its stored magic then yeah. I can feel its… influence.”

“And what exactly is it influencing you to do?”

They bit the inside of their cheek, a bit of anxiety welling up in their chest. They were afraid to admit the intrusive thoughts it brings.

“It makes me want to hurt people… or kill. Sometimes both.” They closed their eyes, the intrusive images flashing through their mind once again just by bringing it up to which they gave their head a little shake to help themself out of it. “It tells me and it… it urges me to burn the village down. I hate thinking about it so much- it reminds me of how much I am hiding, all because of them. My whole life now has revolved around not being found out but also completely relying on them to live. And how I’m not even living anymore, just surviving in the middle of their… rat’s nest as it likes to put it. It usually refers to them as vermin.”

“I hate to uh,” They laughed nervously, wringing their hands in their lap to steady their voice, their thoughts, and their train of thought while letting their eyes wander from Phil’s worried ones. “I hate to admit it but it can be rather convincing at times. I know it’s wrong but sometimes it feels like it’s in the right and I’m being naive.”

“You’re not.” Phil’s voice was stern and sorrowful, once they looked back at him he reached over, putting a hand on theirs and holding their balled-up hands gently. “I… I understand. The intrusive thoughts, I understand them. I don’t think you know this about Techno but…” His eyes held their gaze but it was clear his mind was somewhere else.

“What about him Phil?” Y/n asked with a weak voice while he shifted closer to them for comfort. Whether it was for him or them, it was hard to decipher.

“Techno struggles with something similar. We’ve come to call them his voices. Pretty self-explanatory, he hears voices urging him to do things instead of normal thoughts.” He sighed, sending a sideways glance to where he knew Techno was probably training alone now. “When he was really young, it was so hard for him to control. All they wanted was for him to kill things. He went berserk more times than I can count, luckily it wasn’t ever people but… just little animals mostly.”

“Blood for the blood god they would tell him to rile him up. Over time he’s gotten much better and I can’t stress how proud of him I am. He’s come to live with them now and last we talked about them, they can be very positive like when I come around they will say my name, cheer, all of the sorts.” He was smiling a little when talking about it.

“When… was the last time they made him hurt something?”

Phil sighed softly, looking up at the sky in thought. “Right when I was about to get killed and before we fled the castle. He hasn’t told me about it yet but… I could tell. He was nearly foaming at the mouth with how feral he looked. He shifted, which happens when he’s under their influence, and he killed those guards right before me. I know he felt terrible guilt afterward but he hasn’t chosen to open up just yet.”

Silence settled around them with those heavy words weighing down like a thick fog. Phil moved over to sit beside them with his legs still crossed, knee touching theirs as he held their hand a little tighter, for their comfort this time they were sure. They leaned over and rested their head on his shoulder to which he did the same.

“Does it weigh on you?” He asked in the quietest voice, only for them.

“I’m just tired, Phil…”

“Tired? Oh, what bullshit, if that stupid eye is going to make you use excuses like that then stand still and I’ll crush the damn thing.” Technoblade said in playful annoyance while he rushed at them, attempting to grab hold of their arm. They took a few swift steps away though they were a bit sluggish.

“Yeah, I would love to see you try.” They laughed, noticeably out of breath. “You’ve gotta catch me first to see if you can.”

He scoffed at their teasing. “Your words really have some weight there, especially when you’re like this.” And just as if his words promised him some kind of advantage, he ran at them and as they brought up their hands to cover their face he grabbed both of their forearms. Tearing their arms away from their face and holding them too tight, sure to bruise, staring them down with furrowed brows.

With their shoulders slumped, feeling all too small beneath Technoblade’s shadow, Y/n stared up at him and swallowed down hard despite their mouth feeling impossibly dry.

Despite knowing full well he is a friend, there were times Y/n couldn’t help but succumb to his intimidation. His presence was large and heavy and it made it quite hard for them to keep their ground.

Technoblade held their gaze, mind far away from where they two physically stood, and after what felt like forever, he released his grip completely and Y/n lurched forward slightly as they had been relying on him for balance. He took a few steps back away from them.

“They need to be stronger…” He whispered the words in a way that was clear he didn’t want them to hear but the tone reached their ears regardless as they stood slightly slumped, rubbing their arm. “If they can’t hold their own against those people… what will I do?”

Y/n looked up at him when he left off on those words. His own conflicted and worried eyes met theirs, flicking back and forth from one eye to another. Licking his lips in nervousness he looked away and brought his hands up, rubbing his face then up to comb his hair as he softly groaned.

“Techno?”

“I fully believe you’re capable. I know, I know you’re strong. But Pigeon…” He sighed and dropped his shoulders. “What if, no matter how much I train you and make you stronger than you ever could have been without me… what if it’s not enough? What if no matter how hard I try, it isn’t enough and you get hurt or you… what if you-”

“That’s why I have magic.”

Technoblad whipped his head around to them, brows furrowed in a way that told them he didn’t think that could do much.

They smiled and let their features relax despite his rigidness. “I know you’ve seen Phil. I know you’ve seen the things he can do.”

“Yeah but-” He tried to interject

“And you know how strong it can be and what that kind of power can do.” Slowly, they took a step toward him. He didn’t move. “Having only one strength, I have doubts I could stand up to them. But I’m going to have both. You have to understand that.” They stared him down, but he didn’t say a word. “So if you let me use what magic I know to show you what I can do-”

“No.”

“Technoblade.”

“I’m not doing it.”

“Oh come on, why!?”

“Because!” He yelled out and let silence pass over them as now Y/n’s features held the furrowed brows. “Because… we have to perfect your hand-to-hand combat.”

“Can we try it?”

He said nothing.

“Please?” Techno let out a slow breath. “One time. I want to see if I can do it, I won’t hurt you I promise.”

And with that, he just laughed and growled out, obviously annoyed by their persistence as he pinched his nose bridge.

“Okay. Alright! You can go all out with it, but just this once! I guess… it won’t do you too bad to know how to use it in the heat of the moment.”

Y/n smiled and backed up from him, rubbing their hands together as that’s where they primarily used their magic. He watched them prepare themself and slowly shook his head, not believing he let them win him over.

Without giving them any kind of warning, he rushed them. The goal of their game was to render the other person unable to get back up. As things typically went, they waited him out, excitement now giving them the energy to really move around. At the last moment, they ducked down and managed to slide between his legs, kicking him in the back of the knee real quick before scrambling up on their feet.

Just as Technoblade was recovering from getting kicked, when he turned around the first thing his eyes laid on was the fire glowing in their veins. It glittered like embers in the palms of their hands while they watched him, clearly scheming.

“You gonna hit me with something Phil has shown you?” This was his little way of trying to figure out what they were going to do to him and prepare for it.

All they did was smile and laugh, shaking their head as they backed up. They cast glances to their hands, working up something, but also keeping an eye on him.

Testing his luck, he took slow steps toward them but just as the second step landed he heard crackling. Their smile grew, eyes glancing up to meet his and they giggled. Fear shot through him in a moment and he backpedaled away just as they contracted their hands and a crash on lighting struck the place he once stood. Then again near him and once more behind him, making him stop, look at the singed grass, then at Y/n once more.

Under the darker light of the sunset, the lightning was visibly crackling between their hands, the plasma weaving between their fingers and glowing a brilliant white before it fizzled out and they relaxed their hands. Now holding Techno’s gaze, they spread their arms and brought them higher before bringing them down toward the earth fast. Four consecutive strikes of lightning struck around him in a perfect box.

“Wouldn’t fuck with me after that would you?” They called across to him, confidence high in their voice.

“I- ha… no, no I wouldn’t. You win.” He sighed, wiping sweat from his forehead. “Let’s uh… go take a break.”

After consoling Phil, Tommy, and Wilbur that all of the commotion was just the two of them, they sat on the porch to take a breather and contemplate the events of their training session. Phil kindly brought them tea and told them dinner would be done soon and to come in when he says.

Y/n leaned against the support beam on the top of the stairs, sitting in the same place they were when talking to Phil earlier that day. They held the warm ceramic cup tightly as their hands were shaky from using such high-energy magic. Closing their eyes, they focused on feeling a warmth flow through their chest just like they had taken a sip of a hot drink which came from the mana actively flowing through their body still. The only thing to stir them from their mental rest was a finger, lightly tracing a pattern over the back of their hand.

Opening their eyes, they looked over to see Techno, rested with his elbow on his knee while intently watching his finger on their hand with an expression they couldn’t exactly make out. Finally taking a look at what he was doing, they were hit with a small bout of shock. Their hands were covered in delicate red lines, sprouting from the center of their palms and spreading up to their forearms before it stopped. It looked as if someone lightly painted lightning over their skin. It wasn’t painful but as they focused on it, there was a faint burn wherever there were markings.

“You didn’t even realize, did you?”

“No… not really, it didn’t hurt so I didn’t exactly notice-”

“Does it hurt now?” Looking at them now, there was a tinge of worry as he kept his hand lightly on theirs. A soft and gentle gesture from someone that easily made growing bruises on their arms just from sparing.

They scoffed a laugh and just looked at the difference between their two hands. “It kinda burns a little, but nothing crazy. I think I’ll be okay.” They spoke softly as the air felt right for it. With their part of the world being bathed in pinkish-orange light, looking back at him was comforting. The lighting suited his pinker features and overall made him look sweeter, softer, even more innocent, and harmless than anyone else would ever see him for.

“You know, Y/n, I think-”

“Techno, Y/n. Food’s ready and Phil says…” They looked back toward the door, seeing Techno do the same out of the corner of their eye, where Wilbur stood, looking at them both. Something in his eyes seemed to become a little sadder as he averted his attention, cleared his throat, and looked back at them again to speak in a much more serious tone. “He says get your asses inside or else.” And without another word, shut the door.

Y/n exchanged a look with Techno before he shrugged, looking to not care about continuing his sentence, and took his hand away from theirs to slowly get up, teacup in one hand, and extended his free hand in a way to ask for their cup which they gave up quickly.

“I guess that’s our call then. You ready? I can help treat those burns so they don’t scar too badly if you need.”

“If it really comes down to it, sure, you can help if that’ll make you feel better.” They said with a bit of a laugh in their voice, getting up and looking over the damage from their magic. “Maybe it’ll scar kinda cool though.”

Right as they were finishing their sentence there was a big rustle in the woods close to the house, Y/n snapped their head in the direction, growing silent to listen just in case.

“What was that?” Techno stepped closer to them in a protective manner, looking out in the dark of the woods alongside them.

They patted his arm. “It’s fine, don’t worry. This happens all the time. When it’s spring, predators start getting ballsy and try to take the chickens. I’m gonna go scare it off, tell Phil I’ll be in just a minute, okay?” They said, already going down the stairs.

He started to follow down a couple of steps. “Will you be okay?”

“I’ll be fine! Go eat, I’ll be there soon. It’s probably just a possum or raccoon and if it’s anything more I’ll yell for you.”

After hearing a quiet grumble, they heard his steps cross the porch then the door open and close with a few clinking of the cups. They couldn’t help but laugh at his protectiveness. This is what they guessed it was like being a part of his family.

They hugged themself, looking up at the remnants of the sunset as the darkness flooded in with the sun’s absence. Another rustle turned their attention back to the task at hand. As they stepped into the taller grass just before the woodline, they were regretting not bringing a stick or something just in case. Then just as they were looking around to see if something was on the ground that they could pick up, a figure rushed at them. Before they could react, a large object that looked like a pipe whacked them in the head and they were tackled to the ground with a body right on top of them before they could begin to recover.

Y/n let out a yelp as their back hit the ground and the air was partially knocked out of them. Realization of the situation was finally dawning on them a few moments too late. The man that was on top of them, short auburn hair with brown eyes, sat up on their midriff and held down their arms while two other men came up on either side of them. One had shaggy, dark brown hair and was grinning with his arms over his chest while the other had shorter light brown hair and looked down at them with a neutral, almost bored expression. He knelt down and held a dagger to their throat, hard enough that the tip burned at their skin so they assumed it punctured the skin.

“Well well well, didn’t think it would be THIS easy to catch the witch.” The grinning man mocked them, sending a glance over to the other man.

“How much do you think it’ll go for? Did you ever look at the bounty for it? I was put out by one of the noblemen.” He muttered, slowly moving the blade along their throat and leaving a thin cut. The man on top of them put more of his weight on their arms and as they tried squirming, digging his nails into their skin to make them stop.

“We could just keep it too, make it do it’s magic for us. It could make us rich.”

Y/n was in a pure panicked state, debating whether they should fight back or scream. It’s been years since they have had to do this and the thought of hurting another person was debilitating and nearly rendered them incapable of doing anything at all.

Only one question dominated their thoughts: ‘What am I going to do?’

___________________________________________

‘Scream for Techno, he’ll come and save me!’❤️

‘Get back to the house, maybe no one will have to get hurt!’💛

‘Fight them off on my own, I’m strong enough!’🖤

___________________________________________

I drew a scene for you guys

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lonely-lost-soul · 3 years

Text

Daddy’s Little Girl Mini Shot: REVIVAL

A short continuation of Daddy's Little Girl based on Wilbur's revival: Pt. I

A loud train horn could be heard in the distance and Wilbur picked up his head in mild surprise. The cold air of his personal limbo prickled his skin, the train horn was new, he glanced over at you. You were sitting against a wall holding a deck of playing cards in your hand, you looked just as shocked as Wilbur did. You stood up, (h/c) hair falling in front of your face, goat ears twitching at the sudden, blaring of the horn.

“Wil?” Your voice quivered softly walking over to his side taking his arm within your own. He placed his pale hand on top of your own keeping you close to his side, even with his mild insanity he still strove to keep you safe and sound. “Is that a train?” The rumbling of the tracks only grew louder as time ticked onward,

“Sounds like it,” Wilbur responded gruffly with a quirked eyebrow. He was older now, you both were, he had stubble on his chin and deep bags under his eyes. Yet, his drive to protect you never seemed to go away, even if when he first came here he barely recalled your face and name. That was until you spoke, tears rolling down your face in heavy droplets, that he recognized you as (Y/n), Tubbo’s older sister. The young goat hybrid he failed to protect from her father when he was alive. You had looked different, much older, not that, that was a bad thing; your was hair a little matted from stress, there were matching bags under your eyes from being alone in limbo for years.

You showed him how to get around the limbo, even though there wasn’t much to do the both of you made do. Wilbur taught you how to play solitaire and caught you up on everything that went on since your untimely death. You were so proud of Tubbo and all he managed to accomplish, your little brother was President! Wilbur had decidedly chosen to leave out the part about Schlatt and his demise, figuring if he wasn’t here with you now there was no need to worry you further.

“He’s alright right?” You spoke one day, head resting against Wilbur’s shoulder,

“Who?”

“Tubbo and...dad.” You said the word dad hesitantly and Wilbur had to will his body not to tense up.

“Tubbo’s fine.” Wilbur cleared his throat, once more omitting the fact that he blew up an entire country that was now under Tubbo’s rule, also his execution. “It’s Tubbo, you know how kind-hearted he is, I’m sure he’s making a wonderful president.”

“And dad?”

“Why do you give a shit?” Wilbur snapped at you slamming his head against the tiled wall, brow furrowing in frustration. “He killed you, your own father! Who cares where he is!” You looked away in shame cheeks turning red, he clicked his tongue adjusting the glasses on his face. “Fine, because you’re so curious I’ll tell you, he’s fucking dead. He had a heart attack and fucking died!”

“He’s dead?”

Wilbur turned to look at you and his face fell, you looked broken and shocked. Wilbur took a breath and pulled you close,

“Yes. He didn’t die alone though...we were all there.”

Fighting against his horrible dictatorship but you didn’t need to know that.

You nodded weakly cuddling close to the man, “Wilbur?”

“Hm?”

“Whatever happens you’ll stay with me right?”

“Of course.”

After all, he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

The horn sounded again, it was much closer this time and it snapped Wilbur out of his thoughts. You could feel the wind begin to pick around the both of you, a giant train came barreling through the station. Thousands of windows whizzed by the two dead people and it caused your hair to blow back in the breeze.

“Fuck.” Wilbur cursed pulling you into his chest, “You alright?” You gave a wobbly nod as the train came to a screeching halt right in front of the both of you. Just like your ghost on the other side you were missing both your horns, while Wilbur had a gash in his chest you had a constantly bleeding forehead. The doors creaked open slowly, steam poured out of the doorway, your eyes practically bust out of your head seeing a sobbing Ghostbur standing beside someone with a smiley face mask. Blue stained the ghost’s cheeks as he sniffled refusing to open his cold, grey eyes. The masked man was unfamiliar to you but Wilbur seemed to know him all too well as his body tensed beside you, “Dream?”

“Need a ride?” The man tilted his head but his voice had a cockiness to it you didn’t like, the man tossed the ghost out of the train he landed on his knees muttering your name weakly. Something about a promise he needed to keep, you vaguely recalled the one time you spoke to your ghost as she smiled and said Ghostbur had promised never to leave her side. You suddenly felt sick to your stomach, Wilbur only smiled and looked down at you.

“I don’t trust this Wil…” Your voice came out as a hushed whisper, the mask seemed to burn holes in your skin. “Something isn’t right,”

“Time’s ticking. You don’t want the train to leave without you Wilbur.” Dream flicked the conductor hat on his head, before tapping on his watch.

“It’s alright. (Y/n) don’t you want to be with Tubbo again? See Technoblade and Tommy? They’d be ecstatic to see you! Dream’s our hero!” He tugged you forward as he stepped into the train but a barrier prevented you from going forward. Wilbur’s eyebrows furrowed and he turned towards the conductor who chuckled deep in his chest. Dream reached out and cupped your cheek,

“I’m afraid you don’t have a ticket for this ride sweetheart.” His thumb brushed away the blood that slowly trailed down your cheek, Wilbur looked over at Dream with wide eyes,

“You can’t be serious?”

“Sorry Wilbur, I don’t make the rules.” He shrugged nonchalantly, as you swallowed thickly from the train platform, Wilbur looked back at you hesitantly.

You sniffed a little hand shaking, “Wil you promised. Together or not at all…” Your voice was meek even though you tried sounding brave. He looked away from you shamefully his hands balling into fists at his side. “Wilby?”

“So Dream, how longs the ride back to the SMP?”

“Wilbur.” Your voice cracked tears pooling in your eyes, his jaw was set as he refused to look in your direction, look at your pitiful expression.

“Won’t be longer than an hour.”

Wilbur let out a low whistle as the doors began to shut slowly, “An hours nothing.” He grinned wildly, “Why don’t you catch me up-?” The voices became muffled as the train slowly began to depart from the station,

“WILBUR!” You called out falling to your knees, “You promised you asshole.” You choked holding a hand to your mouth, as tears burned your cheeks, your shoulders began to shake. The station feeling vast and empty, more empty than it has felt in years, the writing on the wall felt foreign to you, you wanted to scrape all of them off until your nails turned blunt. Little love notes shared between you and Wilbur, a counter marking the days and years you both had been there, promises that were broken. The man you had cherished didn’t love you like you loved him, you were simply a placeholder until he could finish his unfinished business in the overworld.

Why was every man just like your father? Were you that unlovable?

You jumped back feeling a hand touch your shoulder, that’s right, Ghostbur was stuck with you now. You wanted to snap at him, scream and tell him not to touch you, but there was a look in his grey eyes.

He was hurting just as much as you were.

It was then you realized he had lost someone too, he had unwillingly broken his promise to ghost you. You found yourself leaning into his warm touch, resting your forehead on his shoulder,

“I’m so sorry.” He spoke tenderly though you felt his own tears wet the back of his head, “(Y/n) I’m so sorry we failed you, both of us.” You let out another sob and clung to the body of the ghost like it was a lifeline. You felt his fingers run through your hair as he held you tight, at least you weren’t alone in this limbo. Maybe one day you’ll be deemed important enough to someone to be revived, but not today.

~~~ @iamsuchasimp @ignat1usaquar1us

#dadschlatt x reader #platonic schlatt x reader #platonic tubbo x reader #brother tubbo x sister reader #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur x reader #mcyt x you #mcyt x reader #dreamsmp x reader #dreamsmp x you #platonic dream smp x reader #minecraft x reader #revival #minecraft fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #angst

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