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illicitlimerence-writes · 2 years

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good morning | c. leclerc

pairing: dad!charles leclerc x mom!reader word count: 6.2k words. request: yes by anons: “bestie i need more dad!charles 😩” & “will you ever write a part 2 of goodnight 🥺” & “can we have goodnight part 2? 🥹” & many more but i think i already answered some of those asks jsjsjs sorry. warnings: it gets messy. lots of time jumps, language, mentions/allusions to sexy times, charles being a dilf. a crazy ex, some legal things that i made up bc idk how that works irl, idk idk. also pls don't ask about years or dates, the math won't add up let's just chill and enjoy the ride a/n: let us all thank @spideyanakin for coming up with this plot back in like JANUARY 💀💀💀. i had written a different ending but it was too much crackhead energy so i changed it lmaooo. also is it wrong of me to say that i kinda dislike theo ?? 💀 like idk, how can i hate a character that i made up myself lmaooo pls don’t cancel me. okay bye happy race week, let us all pray for a safe race where mick scores points finally🙏🙏

my masterlist / this is the long awaited, highly requested part two of 'goodnight'

(y/b/m) = your birth month.

“are you ready?” charles said, his hand holding yours as his finger played with the diamond ring on your ring finger.

“yeah, are you?” you chuckled, looking at his wide eyes. he smiled at you, his gaze traveling down to your belly.

“i think so. you ready, bud?”

“yeah, daddy!” theo replied from his spot on the backseat, a huge smile on his face.

theo was a walking advertisement for ferrari. of course.

ferrari cap, check.

ferrari shirt with ‘leclerc’ written on the back, check.

he was all suited up and ready for his first ever formula one race. the monaco grand prix. his father’s home race.

that day, the world was going to know that charles leclerc was the father of a five-year-old boy, and a baby girl on the way.

theo had been begging to go to a race for over a year now. but he was still too young at the time, so you decided to wait for the right time. then, you got pregnant with little miss ava. it was the end of may, and you were now eight and a half months pregnant, so your stomach was pretty noticeable through your maternity dress. it was charles’ home race, and it was a very special day for him, so you happily agreed to accompany him to the race.

with one last nod, charles stepped out of the car, instantly blinded by all the flashing camera lights. he put on his sunglasses before walking to you door, opening it for you and helping you out. the clicks of cameras got increasingly louder, everyone wanted to take a perfect shot of you two. with a small nod, and a gentle squeeze on charles’ hand, he opened the door for theo to step out. charles’ free hand immediately grabbed theo’s small one, he didn’t want him to wander off unsupervised.

“whoa, daddy!” theo looked around. “there’s so many people here.”

theo stared wide-eyed at everything around him, his shocked face resembling the ones of the people who stared at the three of you. you kept a protective hand over your stomach, especially when you saw the curious, foreign eyes gazing at your bump. once you reached the ferrari motorhome, you relaxed a little, but still kept theo at arm’s length.

charles introduced you to everyone, and you smiled as you watched the people gushing over theo, congratulating you and wishing you the best for the baby. you all walked upstairs to charles’ room so he could change and get ready for his interviews and such. he had a hectic schedule that day, and unfortunately, theo was having none of it. theo crossed his arms over his chest, frowned and pouted as charles crouched in front of him.

“i’ll see you in a bit, theo. i need you to be good for me,” charles reached his arm out, but theo ducked out of his way.

“theo,” you called his name, “what’s this, buddy?” you were genuinely surprised by his behavior. he was always so good, so calm and attentive to what you or charles said.

“my daddy,” theo said. charles looked at you, but you shrugged your shoulder, shaking your head side to side slightly, having no idea what he meant. “my daddy. daddy stays with me,” he stated.

it shocked you, since theo had never said anything like that whenever charles left to the races. of course, theo missed his father, but he always watched charles on the tv, never missed a session or a race, and he always smiled whenever the cameras were focused on charles, because charles would always wink at the camera, a sign for theo that he was thinking of him.

“but daddy has things he needs to do, theo. you and i can stay here, or we can go downstairs and watch everything there,” you explain, running your fingers through his hair.

“but i don’t want to lose you, daddy,” theo ran to charles, making the monegasque lose his balance, falling down on his back with theo on top of him, that made the boy laugh.

“you won’t lose me, theo. i have stuff to do, but i promise you that as soon as i’m done, i will come back here for you, okay?” charles said as he leaned forward, still sitting on the ground with theo on his lap. theo threw his arms around charles’ neck. “what’s wrong, little man?” charles asked.

theo didn’t respond. just kept his tight hold on charles as he stared at the wall.

“i have an idea,” charles said after a few minutes of silence. “why don’t you come with me, bub?” he looked down at theo, who was leaning on his chest. “you can keep me company while i work, how’s that sound?” theo seemed to perk up.

“really?” theo couldn’t keep a smile off his face.

“yeah, you just have to promise to be on your best behavior, okay?” charles smiled at him.

“i promise, daddy! everyone will know you’re my daddy now!” theo got off charles’ lap, grabbing his hand and pulling, trying to get him off the floor. once charles got up, he left the room to let his team know that theo would be joining him for the interviews and such.

“theo, come here, baby,” you said, patting the spot next to you once charles left you two alone. your other hand resting on your stomach. theo rushed to you, sitting next to you, leaning his head on your belly as puts his hand on top of yours, playing with your ring. “why did you say that you’d lose daddy?” you asked calmly, gently running your fingers through his hair.

“because i don’t want daddy to leave me now,” he said, not looking at you.

“what do you mean, love?” you asked, keeping your voice soft.

“i know that you need a daddy and a mommy to make a baby, and i know that daddy didn’t make me, so that means i have a different daddy. and now that you made a new baby, i don’t want daddy to leave like the one who made me,” he explained as if it were the most casual thing ever.

“theo, i-”

“who’s ready for some interviews?” charles barged in, smiling.

“let’s go, daddy!” theo jumps from his seat, making grabby hands at charles, who picked him up, chuckling at theo’s excited face. he noticed you were sitting still, your back straight could only mean that you were feeling anxious.

“is everything alright, mon ange?” he asked, frowning as you were breathing deeply.

you couldn’t tell him. not at that moment. so, you swallowed the lump in your throat, faked a smile and relaxed your shoulders. you nodded your head as you looked at them, theo was leaning his head on charles’ shoulder, his arms around his neck protectively.

“i’m fine, just feeling a bit left out,” you joked, standing up as you walked to them.

“don’t you worry, ma chérie, we’ll only be gone for a little while, isn’t that right, theo?” theo placed an arm around your back with his free arm.

“yes, mommy, i go with daddy now and we watch the race later,”

“okay, you two. go, have fun. i’ll be right here,” you ushered them out of the room, wanting to be alone so you could think about what to do now.

how could he figure this out at just five years old?

you’d already explained to him the truth about charles not being his biological father, but theo knew that charles was his daddy, who loved him endlessly and with his entire heart, and that seemed to be enough for theo.

you walked downstairs, suddenly feeling trapped in the four walls of charles’ room. you grabbed a cooled water bottle, downing half of it in one go as you felt someone sitting beside you.

“how’s little ava?” arthur asked. “you look like you’re in pain,” he chuckled.

“she’s asleep, i think,” you rubbed a hand over your stomach as you played with the bottle. “it’s theo…”

“i saw him out there, clinging to charles like a koala,” he smiled, you nodded, lips barely curling into a smile.

“he didn’t want to let him go. don’t tell charles, not before the race, at least,” you said, looking around you, making sure no one was paying attention to you two.

“what’s wrong?” arthur asked, leaning forward, a small frown on his face as he scanned your worried expression.

“theo said that- that he didn’t want to lose charles. but when i asked him what he meant by that-” you repeat what theo had said, frowning. once you finished, your mouth felt dry, so you drank the rest of the water, you foot tapping against the floor repeatedly.

“whoa,” was all arthur said, his mind still processing it.

“i know,” you muttered, looking at the screen, that showed a smiling charles, holding theo in his arms, the boy was leaning his head on his father’s shoulder as he played with the collar of charles’ shirt. "they love each other so much…"

"don't stress about it, i'm sure theo will forget it after a while," arthur smiled at you, trying to ease your worry as he tapped the back of your hand comfortingly. you nodded, watching as charles kept going with the interview, pierre playing with theo behind him.

"uncle p! why are you here?" theo asked, he was too excited about being with charles that he forgot why he was there.

"i'm here to beat your dad!" pierre laughed as he crouched in front of theo, who gasped, covering his mouth with his hand.

"no! daddy wins the race!" theo declared, laughing as he crossed his little arms over his chest, nodding in affirmation.

as the rest of the drivers heard theo’s voice, it took them a few seconds to realize that theo was talking about charles. his last name on the back of theo’s shirt was a dead give away. pierre noticed the curious eyes looking over at theo, so he grabbed the boy in his arms.

“looks like someone’s stealing the spotlight,” the reporter told charles as they finished the interview, pointing to theo, who was currently winning a thumb war against daniel ricciardo. the tall aussie had a serious look on his face, trying to pull his thumb away from under theo’s grip. pierre, who was still holding him, was smiling in amusement as he cheered theo on.

“time!” pierre said as theo finally let go of daniel, who was staring at him in a mix of shock and disbelief.

“how did you do that?” daniel asked, softly ruffling theo’s hair.

“talent!” theo declared, bringing out a huge roar of laughter out of daniel, who nodded.

“definitely your kid,” he told charles, patting the monegasque on his shoulder. “we should set up a playdate, i think he’s about noah’s age,” daniel said before walking away.

“are you making new friends, theo?” charles asked.

“yeah, daddy! i have new friends!” theo smiled, reaching his arms for him. charles took him from pierre’s hold.

you watched this whole interaction through the screen, with a smile on your face as you saw charles placing kisses on theo’s temple. you felt the baby moving inside you, and you placed a hand on your stomach, feeling her little kicks right on top of where your hand was. the movements calmed you down.

as you’d watched theo and charles together on the screens, you couldn’t help but think about theo’s biological father. you didn’t know where he was, what he did or if he still lived in the same city. but he was your past, you couldn’t waste any energy on him. he’d abandoned you and theo, so why even think about him if he’d been out of your lives for so long?

the first letter arrived in september.

two weeks after you’d gotten back from your honeymoon, which had turned into a family vacation as you simply couldn’t stay away from your babies. charles’ mom had offered to take care of theo and ava as you enjoyed your first weeks as newlyweds, but you just couldn’t stay away from them.

it was something straight out of a movie, the four of you walking the waterline, two-month-old ava watching everything around her with wide eyes, theo running ahead of you as you and charles held hands, watching the sun slowly disappear in the horizon.

the days you spent in the heaven on earth that were the maldives were absolute bliss, a so-needed break from everything, time to just rest and focus on your marriage and family. you felt untouchable, as if nothing could reach you, as if you’d finally gotten the happy ending you’d been longing for all your life.

as you got back to your home in monaco, you were taking your time readjusting to the old routines, enjoying the time you had together before theo had to start school and charles had to start the second half of the season. your first week alone, just you and ava whilst theo was at school, you received a call from your lawyer.

“we’ve just received an e-mail from bryan matthews,” the lawyer sighed, you froze. “he’s threatening to sue you for ‘hiding the existence of his child from him’. i know this is a lie, don’t worry, we are trying to contact him and know what he wants.” her voice was calm, trying to not freak you out.

you slept with theo and ava that night.

weeks later, you received a letter in the mail.

‘theo is mine.’ was all it said, the text was printed in bold, black letters, so you couldn’t recognize the handwriting or anything. unfortunately, charles was away for a triple header, and you didn’t want to worry him. so, you placed the paper in a folder, locked it inside the safe alongside all your important papers, hanging the family portrait back in place, hiding the safe. you called your lawyer, explaining the letter you’d received, she told you to keep it, just in case.

ava, theo and you shared a room that night, and you locked the door to your bedroom as well as all the windows.

the second letter arrived two weeks after the first one. charles was home, so he opened the envelope and read the printed text.

‘you know what i want.’ he read the words, frowning. you were walking by when you saw him standing there, staring at the white piece of paper.

“charles… there’s something i need to tell you,” you said, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the office, where you brought down the portrait, opened the safe and pulled out the folder. “about a month ago, i got a call from sylvie, she said that theo’s dad had contacted them, saying he had intentions of suing, because i apparently kept theo’s existence a secret,” you shook your head, feeling your eyes fill with angry tears. “she said they’d handle it, get in contact with him to know what he wanted. then, this came in the mail,” you showed him the first letter. “it’s him. i know it’s him. i just…” you covered your face with your hands, letting out the frustration you’d been bottling up for the past few weeks. you felt charles’ arms around you, snaking over your waist, pulling you close to him as you threw yours around his neck, hiding your face in his chest as you cried it all out.

almost four months went by without another letter, another call from your lawyer, a new e-mail. nothing.

on the 23rd of december, you and charles were preparing the last few details for theo’s birthday surprise, throwing confetti on the ground, blowing balloons of all sizes.

“do you think he’ll like his present?” charles asked, letting out a deep breath as he finished tying up a balloon.

“he’ll love it. you know how much he loves you, this is exactly what he needs.” you approached him, wrapping your arms around his waist, resting your cheek on his chest.

“i’m really nervous… what if he says no?” he sighed, making you lift your head, and furrow your eyebrows.

“what are you talking about? charles… theo loves you maybe even more than he loves anything else in the world, this will mean so much to him. i thank the stars every day for you. you don’t know how much it means to me that you love me, that you love theo,”

“i was done the second i saw him,” he admitted, gently holding your face with one hand. “i love our kids so much. our family,” he shook his head, “i still can’t believe how i got this lucky,”

“oh, charles, baby,” you smiled, standing on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his soft lips. “we’re all so lucky to have each other. i wouldn’t have it any other way,”

“i promise you, nothing will ever come between us,”

the new racing season began, and it’s been one year since the world found out about charles leclerc being a family man. the monaco grand prix was a special one for everyone. not only was charles lucky enough to have his whole family there with him, but it was also little ava’s first time seeing what her daddy did for a living.

people were mental. not only was their hometown hero starting from pole position and had high chances of winning the race, they’d fallen in love with theo the year before, and now that ava was with them as well, it was almost as if you were a second royal family.

it was a nerve-wracking thing, your heart was down to your stomach, keeping your kids close to you, holding them in one arm each. even if charles didn’t win the race, you knew that theo would celebrate as if he had. he was so close, though, with three laps to go, you were more than ecstatic with the thought that he might finally achieve a podium in his home. but then, the only car in front collided against a wall, you breathed in sharply, catching the attention of both kids in your arms.

“what?” theo asked, looking at the screens, “where’s daddy?”

“i think he’ll pass him,” you said slowly, not wanting to jinx it.

even though the race had been yellow-flagged, the cars were still going. you took a deep breath as your eyes drifted to the screen at your side, seeing charles approach the crash site and smoothly rush past it. the air left your lungs, a smile slowly crept on your lips, you closed your eyes as you breathed in relief. even with the yellow flags, no one could catch up to him.

this race was his to win.

charles was focused, he knew all eyes were on him, he knew that his whole country had all of their hopes and expectations on him. that was enough to break even the best of the sport, but not him. he would’ve been more than happy to just get a podium at his home, but seeing the race leader against the wall, letting him pass by in a breeze, brought out many emotions that he’d buried deep down to keep his cool during the race.

he could hear the roar of the crowd as the final lap started. the cars behind him were too far away to really fight the win, all he had to do was keep the car under his control, don’t get distracted, and cross the finish line.

winning his home grand prix was a feeling like no other. charles had felt many joys in his lifetime. his wedding, meeting you for the first time, meeting his son and daughter. having his son accept him as his dad completely, legally and in his heart. if he allowed himself to be a little selfish, this win was definitely up there.

pictures of your family were plastered all over the news after that day, on printed magazines and online, there wasn’t a single news outlet that didn’t have charles holding both of his kids in his arms, all three of them on the podium, with theo holding the trophy in his hands. you’d arrived just in time to grab your kids from charles’ hold right before the champagne celebration.

it was a week after the grand prix, the buzz of charles’ win was still palpable in your home, you couldn’t be more proud of charles, couldn’t believe he was yours.

it was a quiet morning, you were feeding ava in the kitchen as soft piano notes invaded the apartment. charles was teaching theo how to play the piano, you were surprised that theo had picked it up quite easily. a knock on the door made you look up from ava, who was sitting on the counter in her chair. you grabbed her and walked to the door.

“arthur!” you smiled, you weren’t expecting him there. “come on in,” you moved to the side, your child extending her arms so she could hug her godfather.

“hi, miss ava,” he cooed, kissing her cheek, your daughter giggled.

“uncle king!” the little piano man ran to his favorite uncle (don’t tell pierre) and hugged his legs.

you were catching up with arthur when you felt a pair of arms hugging you from behind, you leaned back against charles, watching as both of your kids were demanding arthur’s attention.

“uncle king, stay here. i want to show you something!” theo said as he ran to his room. you watched him leave, smiling.

“i guess the piano didn’t take much of his energy after all,” you chuckled. charles opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by another knock on the door.

“is lorenzo coming, too?” you asked as you opened the door.

it wasn’t lorenzo. it was someone you never thought you’d see again. a coward who ran away when he found out he had a child on the way.

“long time no see,” his voice made you shiver. you felt a hand on your back.

“who are you?” charles asked, stepping forward.

“uncle king, look what my dad bought me!” you held your breath as you heard theo coming back. he couldn’t see him.

“that’s my-”

“arthur,” you interrupted him, you turned your head around. arthur stood there, with ava in his arms and theo by his feet. with just one look at you, he knew something was wrong. he nodded, then grabbed theo’s hand and walked away. you let out a deep breath of relief now that they were gone. you didn’t want the man in front of you to see your children.

“what do you want?” charles asked, keeping one hand around you.

“i just want my kid,” he said, it made your blood boil.

“he’s not your kid,” you said, surprising yourself. the words slipped out with no sign of all the emotions you felt inside. “you lost that privilege the moment you walked out on me.”

“come on, baby,” he took a step forward, but stopped when charles put a hand on his chest. “oh, you’ve got a bodyguard now?” he asked, a cinic smile on his face. “you really want your kid to grow up without a father? what about when he grows up… finds out that i, his real father, came back looking for him, and you denied him that?”

“he has a father.” you said, “he doesn’t even know you exist, he doesn’t need you. charles is his father, in every sense of the word.”

“his birth certificate doesn’t say so,” he pulled out a folded piece of paper out of his jacket pocket, it was a copy of theo’s birth certificate.

“where did you get this?” charles asked, snatching the paper from him.

“you really didn’t think it through when you got involved with this one, did you?” he said. “you just wanted the money, forgot about the ugly side of fame, didn’t you?”

“shut up. we all know that you’re not really interested in being part of his life,” you didn’t want to say theo’s name in front of him. you knew he knew what his name was, but you felt that, if you said it, it would make everything feel real. “what do you really want?”

“no,” charles said, “he has no right to come here and start demanding things.”

“oh, but you wouldn’t want me to go to news outlets and tell everyone my side of the story, would you? how you left without a word in the middle of the night and didn’t even tell me about the existence of my kid, how i looked for you everywhere and was heartbroken to see my little boy in another man’s arms,”

“that’s bullshit!” you said. “you were the one who walked away from me, from us. you’re the coward who abandoned me and left me to fight all alone so i could give my son a good future.”

“it’ll be your word against mine, then…” he raised an eyebrow and charles wanted nothing more than to slap the smug grin out of his face. “unless,” he started, “you made a good pick. the french prince here could be the answer to all your problems.” he smiled, “i want three million in my bank account by tomorrow.”

“oh, you pathetic piece of shit! money? all of this because you want money? you’re unbelievable.” you said.

“give me the three million and i’ll keep my mouth shut, if not… i think tmz will pay a lot for this juicy exclusive,”

“what exactly…” charles said, “what exactly is your plan?” he asked, “you’re just going to go there and show them this obviously fake document… and then what?”

“if i can’t have him… then i might as well ruin your career and reputation. because how could you take away my legal rights as a father away from me?”

“see, that’s the thing. you have none of that. you might have been the sperm donor, but you’re not his father. not by merit, not legally either.”

you let out a deep breath, knowing where charles was going with that.

december 23rd, the previous year.theo opened his eyes, seeing the sun coming in through the curtains of his room. he was happy the day was sunny, he had seen so many cloudy days one after the other that month. he liked december, he liked all the holidays that came with it, and he liked the snow. he liked that christmas was going to be the next day.

but, if christmas was the next day, that meant that day was his birthday. finally!

he removed the covers off him and ran out of his room. he carefully opened the door to ava’s room. he rushed to her crib, seeing his little sister sleeping peacefully. he extended his arm and touched her arm. he liked having a sister. he wanted two or three more.

as he walked out of his sister’s room, he smiled as he went to his parents’. he was ready to jump into bed with them, he wanted to say good morning. and he wanted cuddles. but the smile fell off his face once he saw the empty room. theo frowned. he closed the door and was about to call out for you, but remembered that ava was still sleeping. he kept walking until he reached the living room.

a gasp left his lips as he saw balloons, confetti on the floor, and other decorations hung up on the walls. theo had decided that he wanted his birthday to be cars themed. not just cars in general, but the movie cars. he liked to think that his dad was like lightning mcqueen, he -theo- was mater, of course.

“look who’s up!” he heard, and saw you walking to him with a smile on your face. “happy birthday, my big boy!” you kneeled in front of him and extended your arms. he ran to you, and you wrapped him in your arms. “i can’t believe it’s your birthday again, i’m going to need time to slow down,” you smiled as you looked at him, pushing his (y/h/c) hair out of his face.”

“no, mommy! i want to be big! like daddy!” he said, making you smile as you cupped his cheek with your hand.

“what did i do?” charles said as he walked in.

“daddy!” theo left your arms to run to charles. he picked him up with ease.

“happy birthday, theo,” charles whispered in his ear as he hugged him tightly against himself.

after a fun day celebrating theo, you returned home, you went to ava’s room to change her, she was already asleep, exhausted after missing her afternoon nap. when you returned, theo had already changed into his pjs as well, and was sitting at the kitchen counter.

“mommy! daddy says you have one more surprise for me,” he was tapping the counter with his hands, unable to contain his excitement.

“oh, that’s right baby. this surprise is a little different than the rest of the other surprises, it’s not a toy or something you can play with, it’s something very important,” you explained, theo nodded. “come on,” you held out your hand, theo got down from his chair and walked to you.

“daddy!” he said, extending his own hand for charles to grab. charles smiled, you could tell that he was nervous. you reached the study, and you grabbed a folder with a bunch of papers in it.

“do you remember when you said you didn’t want to lose me?” charles asked, theo nodded after a few seconds, “that’s never going to happen theo. i know that you know that i didn’t help make you, but i love you as if you were my own, because you are. you are my son, and i love you with all my heart.”

charles was kneeling next to theo, with a protective hand on the little boy’s arms.

“these papers… they just make it all official. if i sign these papers, you will be my son, even though to me you already are, and have been since the moment i saw you.”

“and you’ll never go away?” theo asked.

“never. you and your mom and your sister are everything i could ever ask for, these papers will just make adult things a lot easier.”

“okay.” theo said, hugging his father. “i love you, daddy,”

“i love you too, my little boy,”

“theo has a father. that’s me. the adoption process took years, but last year, at last, he became my son. you have no right to come into my house and start threatening us with lies that no one will believe. now, you have three seconds to leave before i call security.”

“this isn’t over,” he said. you scoffed.

“it never even started, in the first place.”

he was opening his mouth to say something, but you shut the door in his face, locking it before he could even touch the knob. charles immediately took out his phone and called the security guards of the building. you watched through the peephole as he struggled against the tight hold the guards had on his arms. you let out a deep breath of relief once you realized you were safe.

charles wrapped his arms around you, and you hid your face against his chest, letting out the tears that you had been holding back.

“it’s okay. we’re okay. he won’t bother us again, i promise.” he whispered into your ear, and you nodded, trying to recompose yourself.

“i love you so much,” was all that you could say.

after taking a few minutes to figure out what your next step was, you went to look for your kids. you found arthur on the ground, with theo on top of him as he stabbed him with a toy sword. ava was watching everything from the side.

“i’m king arthur now!” theo said, you couldn’t help but shake your head. he was still a little hurt that his uncle was named like the main character in his favorite bedtime story. “daddy! mommy, you’re back!” theo said as he saw you both standing there. you kneeled and wrapped your arms around him as he ran to you. “we’re playing with uncle king. can you play with me and bava?”

bava. baby ava. bava.

“of course, my love.”

“bava, shut up!” theo whispered, ten-year-old ava rolled her eyes at his brother.

“you try keeping marc quiet, then,” she handed their two-year-old brother to theo.

“bava, shut up!” they both heard a quiet, but squeaky voice say from behind them.

“not you too, rose,” ava muttered under her breath, pinching the bridge of her nose as she heard five-year-old rose talk, and it was only a matter of time before…

“bava, shut up!” there it was. lily. rose and lily, lily and rose. twins.

“great work, genius,” ava slapped the back of theo’s head, which made the twins giggle.

“bava-” marc started, he didn’t want to feel left out, but ava placed her hand on the little boy’s mouth, shushing him.

“everyone shut up, you’re going to ruin the surprise.” she ordered, and all her siblings listened to her for once. it sometimes felt as if she were the oldest one, and not theo.

“everyone ready?” theo asked, still holding marc in his arms. the twins nodded as they each held one end of the sign they’d made. “okay, one, two…” theo opened the door to his parents’ bedroom, silently praying that they were decent.

“good morning, sun. good morning, sky. good morning, mom. good morning, dad. good morning, theo, ava, lily, rose, and marc.”

they all chanted as they entered, waking up their parents. their mom rested her weight on her elbows, as she looked up at all her children standing at the end of her bed.

“guys,” you smiled, feeling tears gathering in your eyes as you read the sign they’d made.

purple letters covered in glitter, their handprints with paint, you wondered how they’d managed to do this without you finding out.

“happy birthday, mom!” they all jumped in bed with you and charles, even theo. you were showered in kisses and cuddles and words whispered in your ear.

“thank you, guys… you make me feel like the luckiest mom in the world,” you smiled, wrapping your arms around little marc a little tighter.

in truth, you really were so incredibly lucky. you had five perfect, healthy and happy kids, a great husband who was always there for you, who loved you and cherished you with his entire being. you couldn’t ask for anything else. you had everything you could ever ask for or dream of. life couldn’t get any better.

later that day, as the moon made its way up, illuminating everything in a soft white beam, you felt charles’ lips against your neck.

“did you enjoy your birthday, mon coeur?” he asked, even though he already knew the answer to that.

“of course. i still can’t believe the kids made that without me figuring it out. i’m always good at sniffing when they’re up to something,” you said, smiling softly. despite all the years you’d been together, you still couldn’t get enough of charles, everytime you looked at him felt like the first time, that one time you’d agreed to go on a blind date set up by your best friend. “maybe my mom instincts are going away, or something,” you said, placing your chin on charles’ chest, looking up at him.

“hmm,” he hummed, “maybe we should do something to stop that from happening,” he said, kissing your cheek.

“like what?”

“let’s have another one?”

“another kid?” you said, chuckling incredulously, “are you serious?”

“i mean…” he started, running the pads of his fingers up and down your back, “our youngest is not a baby anymore,” he continued.

“you want the good morning and good night list to keep getting longer, don’t you?” you laughed. “you really want to have another kid?” you asked, you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about it.

“if you want to, of course. i’m perfectly happy with how our family is right now, but…”

“it’s not complete yet,” you said, charles’ eyes widened a little. you bit your lip, shifting so you were now on top of him, straddling his hips with one leg on either side of him. “let’s do it,” you smiled.

nine months later, as little ava leclerc carried her new baby sister, she started counting back nine months. she was incredibly smart for her age, she was the brightest student in her class, by her own merit, you and charles gave all of your kids the freedom to excel in what was natural for them, you didn’t pressure them into getting good grades because you knew it didn’t matter. ava, though, she liked being the smartest. she knew how babies were made, and as she counted the months and reached (y/b/m), she frowned. what had happened in (y/b/m)?

then it hit her.

“happy birthday mom,” she muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes.

@spideyanakin @ireallydontknowdudee @mysticalnightenthusiast

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nightcolorz · 8 months

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Can you talk a little more about how you view gender roles in the vampire chronicles vs amc iwtv bc I feel like sth is missing from amc compared to tvc that i can't place

I would love to !! (Explodes) I have so many tvc gender thoughts. So so many.

I believe the major disconnect between the show vs the books and gender is the place and perspective the writer’s are coming from. Something I really love about Anne Rice’s writing (and really hate sometimes lol) is that she didn’t think about themes or implications at all when she wrote. She just purged her story onto the page and themes and patterns just end up there. This means that every bit of consistency and meaning in tvc comes from something Anne Rice had fixed into her subconscious that she without realizing is putting into her work. So when it comes to gender, in tvc it’s all personal feelings of Anne rice’s. This differs in the show that obviously has a team of writers who put a lot of thought in about public reception and meaning and all. So these perspectives color how gender (and everything basically) is presented.

Anne Rice had some complicated feelings about gender. I’m not going to go too deep into that bcus that’s not what I want this post to be about, but in summarization she had a combination of problematic biases and internalizations that came from a Catholic upbringing in the 40s-50s and some apparent gender dysphoria or at least disconnect with womanhood and gender/gender roles in general. She’s spoken about not understanding gender or feeling like a woman. This comes off very strongly in how she presents her vampires as androgynous, almost genderless beings. It’s a reoccurring theme in tvc that vampirism takes away the burdens of gendered expectations and gives vampires the freedom of self expression and androgyny. It makes sense why a concept like this would speak to a trans person like me, so it’s a big part of why I prefer the book’s handling of gender. Of course Anne Rice also has problematic gender biases, so her presentation of being an androgynous being free of gender roles is flawed, since gender roles are very ingrained in her mindset, which adds to my dissatisfaction with the show’s handling, which could’ve been so good if they took what Anne Rice tried to do and enhanced it.

Anyways, when it comes to tvc there’s also Anne Rice’s subconscious projection of her irl struggles onto her characters. A handful of Anne Rice’s insecurities and struggles came from, well, being a woman, and since her characters r so much of the time vessels to vent her problems through, a strange occurrence happens where her vastly male cast is struggling in ways that would be relatable to women and people who face misogyny and/or internalized misogyny. (Cough cough this is especially apparent with Louis and Armand cough cough).All of this wasn’t conscious on Anne Rice’s part, it’s just a natural consequence of how personal her writing was. An outlier to the “cis men experiencing misogyny” phenomenon is Gabrielle, who I could write a whole essay on, one of the few afab characters who also has projected gender problems by Anne Rice syndrome, but since she is afab she just ends up coming off as a gnc/transmasc/ftm person dealing with gender dysphoria.

Then there’s the show, which disclaimer I like the show a lot, but boy do I have Issues with it. I could be wrong, we only have one season, but it doesn’t seem like the show is attempting to tackle the “vampires are genderless” concept. They definitely do things with androgyny and gender roles, but not in the context of “messing around with/being free of these things is amazing”. Vampirism in iwtv seems to only enforce gender, weirdly enough. Let me explain!

Ok, so what the show seems to be doing with gender roles is using the concept of a “nuclear family” and our expectations of what that entails to assert the dynamic of Louis, Lestat, and Claudia’s familial relationship. Through utilizing tropes and imagery associated with a nuclear family the viewers are easily able to pick up on the subtext and conflicts that the show is presenting us with, bcus we all know the nuclear family. I think comparing the rue royal family to a nuclear family is interesting in concept, but in execution, I’m not a fan. I think if the show went a different route, and had Louis frame the story in a way that compares his life to familiar hetero, mortal family conventions for the sake of being sympathetic and understandable to Daniel and readers, without that being the literal dynamic of the characters, that could’ve been interesting. Also, I like the concept of oppressive systems like gender roles becoming oppressive in different ways for vampires, since “vampirism isn’t freeing it just gives u different problems” is a theme of the show that I rlly like, esp bcus Anne rice was rarely able to decide if vampirism was super fun or tortuous. But that doesn’t seem to be what the show is doing. Lestat, Louis, and Claudia literally just fit into your stereotypical abusive nuclear family tropes. Sometimes things are switched around and subverted, but for the most part it’s pretty consistent. Anne Rice’s personal projections onto the characters is nearly nonexistent, most glaringly for Lestat. I don’t like this, it doesn’t make sense for the characters, and it also simplifies their dynamic and conflict in the book to be much less interesting in my opinion.

Sometimes the show will show us characters breaking gender expectations, Lestat occasionally or Antoinette cross dressing (speaking of Antoinette I’ll get to her), but none of these moments seem to mean anything adjacent to “vampires are genderless or gender-fluid and this is freeing for them. These moments seem to align more closely with imagery associated with queer coded villains during the Hayes code era. Both Lestat and Antoinette are being particularly grotesque and villainous during their gnc moments, which aligns with the old hollywood vibe that the show seems to be going for, which is mildly cool, but not particularly compelling or relatable to me beyond that. And it definitely doesn’t have the type of resonance that the books do when it comes to gender nonconformity.

So, I think Antoinette is the prime example of this. Antoine in the books was a young man, 19 years old, who Lestat used in a way that was reminiscent of how a cheating husband would use a mistress. He fooled around sexually with this younger man and also confided to him in ways he didn’t his “husband” (Louis), escaping to him when he was fed up with his family at home to blow off steam and vent his struggles, the way he does with Antoinette in the show. But Antoine himself did not have the stereotypical personality of a “mistress”, he was naive and well intentioned, didn’t realize he was being used and that Louis was being hurt in the process. When Lestat tells him that he needs his help fighting back against his family he’s horrified and confused. Antoinette in the show is not this, she’s very much a “mistress”, and the sex change from book to show makes this even more annoying to me. It just seems like the show writers wanted to make the subtextual coding of Antonine’s character in the books annoyingly unsubtle text, by making Antonine the stereotypical evil and seductive female mistress, which I rlly hate. And also they removed any and all sympathy attached to Antoine’s character in the process. (Side note ik ppl are gonna come at me with “oh but it’s from Louis’s perspective! That’s why Antoinette is treated that way, he hates her! And to that I say there is no evidence to support that, it hasn’t happened in the show, you made it up. And if it’s true and done well I’ll eat my words, but for now my opinion is based on what is in the show, and it prob won’t change until we get new content.)

There’s more, like how Louis fulfills the traditionally female roles in marriage (cleaning, taking care of the kids, etc) which is kind of gnc, but only so that the show can frame him as more of a stereotypical abuse victim, and not to say anything interesting about how vampirism gives people more opportunities to explore gender fluidity in ways they find freeing. The show uses gender roles to non subtly code the characters in ways that are easily digestible and relatable to a cis audience. That’s my main gripe, gender in AMC’s iwtv is very cis.

What I love about the books is how fluid gender is with the characters. Lestat is very feminine and very masculine, so is Louis, these traits can co exist without ever contradicting each other. But ig that was too complicated and varied for the show to want to tackle, just like the complex mutual toxicity of loustat’s relationship, which was dumbed down so much also. I feel like the show writers didn’t know what to do with a gay relationship where both men are feminine and masculine and also both men have complex trauma and traits that make their relationship unhealthy + a hot mess, and instead just reframed loustat to be traditional abusive relationship we’ve seen a billon times in media.

In conclusion, the show could very well change my mind and portray gender/gender roles in a way that I enjoy, but for now I’m unsatisfied. I want to be wrong ultimately. If you like how gender is handled in the show feel free to disagree, but plz don’t come at me with anger. I’m happy to have a discussion, I’m very interested in this topic, but I don’t want to humor you if you’re rude. And if you want to talk more about the books and gender I’d be more then happy, feel free to dm me or send me an ask or reply to this post, I love the androgyny of the books sm and love talking about it. Thank you anon sm for sending the ask <3 I’ve been wanting to talk about this.

#tvc #the vampire chronicles #vampire chronicles #vc #interview with the vampire #iwtv #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #anne rice #iwtv amc #amc interview with the vampire #gabrielle de lioncourt #Tvc meta

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xx-slug-xx · 2 months

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Hello! It have been a while since i've heard about the controversies of Viv, especially about some of her views

If you want, can you explain about her transphobia, homophobia, racism and antisemitism, pls?

I’m not an expert by any means, but I can explain a little bit. There’s other sources that are more reliable than my word though, especially since I’m not going to go into huge detail lol. I encourage you to do your own research, my word is not law and there’s a good chance I’m misinformed.

I will give a disclaimer that, despite being proship, I do discuss some of the things she depicts in her fictional works on top of things she does irl. Some of which is just my opinions based on observation of the show. But most of this is in regard to stereotypes being portrayed, which is an area of fiction that actively perpetuates bigotry and I don’t really see it as “just fiction”. That’s just me though. There’s some screenshots of how she treats real people too.

Anyway, antisemitism:

The character Mimzy from HH is a blatant Jewish stereotype. Not only is she someone who’s extremely money hungry, small sharp teeth, short, fat, has a nasally voice, but she’s also got the classic hooked nose that’s seen in antisemitic propaganda, (none are bad things on their own. If it wasn’t for all of them combined, then I wouldn’t think twice about it tbh) On top of that, she’s not a well liked character in the show, being portrayed as annoying, selfish, greedy, and even sleazy to some extent. She’s not a character that has many positive aspects to her

But on top of that the character Rosie is based on the Jewish mother stereotype as well. It’s even in her audition notes.

But wait! There more! She was a fan of the I-hate-jewce blog here on tumblr, as she followed them and did an art trade with them that depicted Hitler as a Sausage Party character. The excuse she makes was that she didn’t believe in I-hate-jewce’s opinions, but admired their way they voiced their opinions. And that it was a different time when making jokes and stating harmful opinions like these were “more accepted”. Which, to me, is a piss poor excuse for being a bigot in the past and/or present.

Onto transphobia:

This screenshot may be faked, but it also lines up with her pfp at the time the screenshots were taken, as well as other viewpoints she’s lauded to. They are from discord, formatting is wierd bc they were taken in compact mode

However, she does misgender her trans associates. There’s been an ongoing (to my knowledge) situation and dispute between someone named Ken and Vivzie. Ken uses they/them pronouns. Vivzie has been seen many times referring to Ken using she/her, despite knowing Ken’s identity quite well. Here’s some screenshots from some times they’ve talked together, Vivzie talking about Ken to others, and Ken voicing their concern twards Vivsies views on their gender. (Sorry for bad quality btw)

In addition to this, Vivzie in the past (when zoophobia was being worked on), has created a character by the name of Jojo who was a direct caricature of a past friend that she clearly didn’t like.

Here’s the character

Plus, folks who have worked with Spindlehorse have discussed that transphobia is an issue in the work place. Not really Vivzie’s fault, she can’t control everything. But still, it’s odd and not cool that this continued to be an issue.

Millie’s trans brother in HB doesn’t have any speaking roles, or even a name. And there was an error in one of the episodes he appears in where his horns indicate that’s he’s cis male instead of being trans (not a huge concern, animation errors happen. I just find it not cool that rep for trans men was overlooked) She also doesn’t credit people who voice the only trans masc character with a speaking part, plus he’s also unnamed. But from the looks of it, his VA is a cis male. Keep in mind the contrast for Sallie Mae being that her VA is a trans woman.

Vivzie has shown a pattern of not respecting trans men as real men. Or any afab person as their gender if it’s something other than cis. It’s a pattern that’s come up that can’t be denied imo. It’s especially obvious when it’s towards people she has some sort of beef with.

Would also like to bring up how her merch sexualizes Sallie Mae. Like, to the same degree that the main characters of HB are. She’s a side character who has minimal speaking parts and appearances. Yet, she’s sexualized to hell and back. I’m all for making trans women feel desirable and beautiful, because they are! I think it’s great! But imo, I find it kinda weird that her trans fem rep is treated like this when she’s not a main character. Plus, her merch doesn’t do that to her trans masc characters. Why do it to one but not the others? But hey, that’s just me and it’s not a rule that everyone has to agree with me on that lmao

Racism:

Valentino is black coded, and is a blatant black stereotype (violent, black, drug addicted pimp archetype who sexually abuses people). I don’t feel like I need to explain why that’s not a great look.

Alastor is “black coded” (ashy skin and he’s white washed to hell). He uses voodoo, which is a closed practice that black slaves created to empower themselves and have a connection to their roots despite their horrible circumstances. He’s “mixed” Creole from some older depicting of him in notes if I recall.

She has supported Blaire White (she did black face and mocked blm) (look up that whole issue lol, too much there to talk about but I’m putting it here anyway) before back tracking when people realized what was going on. Vivzie back peddles a lot on her past though, never making a true apology or owning up to her past actions.

Any characters that DONT look white washed in the shows are not designed by her. Every poc character that she designs herself is white washed to hell and back. I know they are demons, they don’t look human, that’s a given. But Grim from TGAOBAM is a literal skeleton, but you still know he’s black. There’s better ways to depict bipoc coded characters though, that’s my point. She prides herself on her bipoc representation, when it’s shit representation when she’s the one soully behind it imo. There are really good character designs that depict people of color, but they aren’t Vivzie’s ideas and that credit goes to the character design team!

Sir Pentious is based on another ex friend of hers who she used to mock. She didn’t like him, saw him as a joke, etc. He was indigenous American, his hood is ment to look like his hair (which Vivzie mocked extensively). The whole “inventor” aspect of his character is ment to mock the steampunk aesthetic that her ex friend liked. He’s also the butt of a lot of jokes. Overall, I don’t think it’s very cool that Vivzie has repeatedly shown to make caricatures of real like people who belonged to minority groups.

Nifty’s pilot design depicted her skin as yellow. She’s Japanese. This is on top of being a maid and being boy crazy. That’s not a stereotype at all /sar. (She’s one of my favorites and she did get a redesign in the premier. And she got the best jokes in the show so far imo. She’s silly lol but I still wanted to bring it up, despite how much I like her)

She has ignored bipoc fans when they express being uncomfortable with anything relating to how she depicts poc characters. And it’s blatant that she doesn’t care about the voices of concern from her bipoc fans. If you are going to depict bipoc characters in your show, especially cultural depictions, listen to people who are bipoc and who come from those cultures you are depicting! She as a white person needs to listen to bipoc people when they voice their concerns to her about characters that are supposed to represent them!

Also! During her recent trip to Japan, she ate at McDonald’s and KFC despite there being a boycott due to the companies both supporting Israel. Idk how you feel about it, anon, and it’s not something I’ll go into too much detail over since I’m not super knowledgeable on it. But it’s a really important detail about Vivzie to a lot of people out there, and I wanted to bring it up because of that. (I hate all wars and genocides before anyone makes assumptions about my stances)

Homophobia:

Not much to say reguarding this other than I found that she favors mlm relationships heavily over wlw relationships. HB isn’t a show that focuses on lesbian relationships because that’s just not the way the show is written, and that’s fine. However, she prides herself on the wlw rep she created due to HH being female focused. The main relationship between Charlie and Vaggie feels pushed away in favor of more mlm relationships. They clearly have been dating for a while, and so, their relationship doesn’t need to be explored as much as some others imo. However, to me the show doesn’t do too much with them and there’s a large focus on the male characters and their relationships as opposed to the female lead and her girlfriend.

I will give her credit on her depictions of gay and bi men, I do like a lot of those and I can’t really find anything terrible to say about that or find evidence of how she treats real gay people. Everyone is free to think whatever they want though. However, queer people are the only minority group that Vivzie actively is in support of from what I’ve seen, which is sad imo.

You could say that Angel Dust is a homophobic stereotype (sex loving, drug addicted, drag queen, sex worker, feminine), but there’s real people in the world who share his experiences and it makes me feel like the people who claim such just don’t take into account of the real people in the queer community who share similarities to him. Like, there’s a lot of queer men who do sex work and are addicted to various substances. It’s a struggle and his character is a testament to that.

Anyway, do your own research, come up with your own conclusions, you can still like her work and characters, and all that! This is stuff off the top of my head that I could think of.

(Any Vivzie stans who try to tell me that this is either all faked or rumors will be ignored btw. I’m tired of dealing with y’all every time I say anything about her that’s even remotely negative. You guys can like what you like, even if your attachment to Vivzie is unhealthy imo and you shouldn’t place anyone on a pedestal. She’s not perfect, nobody is. This is my opinion, and it won’t change. I don’t hate her shows or her work. I just dislike her as a person.)

#tw transphobia #tw racism #tw anti semitism #tw homophobia #helluva boss #hazbin hotel #vivziepop #proship #profic #anti anti #profiction #anti censorship #comship #anti harassment #fandom discourse

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bakubunny · 4 months

Text

part of me wants to write dilf aizawa but i just don’t feel like i could do him justice if he still had both legs and eyes, like just an au where many events in the war arc didn’t happen. a feel good au. i do that with a lot of characters already bc my goal is happy feels and i don’t usually want to focus on hard topics, but most if not all of the characters that i’ve aged up well past that were fully able bodied to begin with.

it feels like i’m… ruining his character and taking part of who he is by leaving it out. but the truth is that i think it might take him a long time to even give a shit about sex and relationships after that if hizashi isn’t in the picture. he’s got a whole grieving process to go through and relearn how to navigate life as an amputee and a hero forced into early retirement. that’s a lot. then there’s also the aspect of trying to understand and write sex with amputation in the picture. definitely not impossible bc that doesn’t stop normal irl people from having sex but as i’ve said before - particularly on stuff like that - portraying what’s realistic is incredibly important to me, especially as someone who has in small and big ways struggled with disability over the years….

idk. maybe my avoidance is just another reflection of internalized ableism bc i know i have plenty when it comes to myself.

#bunny talks #ik this is kinda dumb but whatever #bnha spoilers #disability in fanfiction #disability in smut #disabled characters #aizawa shouta

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thefirstknife · 9 months

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Sorry to dump this rant in your inbox but the community’s attitude this entire season has legit got me tilted to the point I ignore pretty much the entire community outside of tumblr and a few irl friends. A lot of it has been frustrations I’ve had since Lightfall dropped wrt acting like the story was dogshit bc it didn’t give all the answers.

I legit got so fed up with Byf’s whole “oh all this season of the deep lore should have been in Lightfall” stuff bc like. My guy. You were one of the biggest complainers about the seasons having zero lore or story relevance. Fucking pick one or the other. Either seasons are all filled bullshit or you’re gonna get cliffhangered and expected to have some damn patience for storylines to get picked back up over time in the seasons after the main campaign of an expansion is done.

Especially bc like. IMO anyone expecting anything not a cliffhanger from the end of Lightfall when we KNEW The Final Shape was coming after it was just setting themselves up for disappointment, you need big tension and shit like that before the final act and this way getting dripfed answers in the lead up feels less like we’re dicking around doing nothing useful for the entire year as we wait for TFS to drop. It legit felt like being a KH fan back when KH3 dropped who had payed attention and played all the games and knew wasn’t the end of the series, just the conclusion of an arc and anyone mad about the stuff left unfinished was being unreasonable when it was made pretty explicitly clear it would either be answered in the future bc this wasn’t the ending or had been answered ages ago and people just hadn’t bothered to pay attention to it. Lightfall was never going to have all the answers bc it wasn’t the ending, and Bungie has proven they’ll circle back around and answer questions and pick up story beats if you’d just have a little patience! I’ll agree it wasn’t done perfectly and could do with more focus on the Veil and less on Strand but come ON my guy!

Combine that with the general toxicity of non-story focused Destiny YouTubers, especially PvP only typesc about Destiny and the way their fans have behaved and I’m full on not watching Destiny content creators anymore. Genuinely never seen content creators who need to touch grass and maybe just. Take a break. I’m not saying Lightfall was perfect or that Bungie hasn’t fucked up but I’m honestly just. Extremely fucking tired of how the community outside of tumblr has reacted to everything. And I’m especially sick of crybaby crucibros being obnoxious. Much as I don’t actually think it’d be at all good for the game there’s a part of me that thinks the idea of them splitting PvP stuff and PvE stuff into separate Destiny games in the future might have some merit to it purely so those of us who just want to explore and enjoy the story in peace can never bother with them again

Go off, honestly. So true. I've felt the same and I've pretty much not watched any Destiny youtube content in months. I started a few of them, but then stopped because of how utterly annoying and just plain wrong they were. The Lightfall situation is such a shitshow, not because of Bungie or the expansion itself, but because I genuinely believe that Destiny is above the reading level of most gamers.

Obviously, I still have some issues with how some stuff was handled, just as you do. Literally nobody is saying that everything in Lightfall was perfect. And I extend that to all expansions btw. Every expansion had faults. None of them are perfect. I think Lightfall's mysterious storytelling could've been a little bit clearer. And make no mistake, Lightfall WAS clear that nobody knows about the Veil, it just wasn't as clear as it could've been. Nothing would've really changed about the mystery if this was made more obvious earlier on in the campaign.

But dear lord, the bullshit around it is so tiring. I get it. I was confused at first too. I even posted here that I found certain things not as good and that they made me a little annoyed! And like that's fine! Your first impressions are your first impressions. But please move on. Are you seriously deciding everything based on first impressions? Do you never look into things and see if maybe there were things you missed or were wrong about? Like, it's okay to be confused at first and then realise later that you missed things. That's how learning works.

And yeah, the whole "everything should've been in Lightfall's campaign right away" is not only annoying because of the stuff you said, it's also annoying because it ignores that there's too much content to fit inside of a single campaign and also that this content has a theme. The campaign is a self-contained story with a theme and a plot (and the plot is NOT "learn what the Veil is." The plot of Lightfall is "stop Calus and the Witness from destroying Neomuna" which has concluded perfectly well in the campaign). Post-campaign stuff, the Witness cutscene and the Veil Logs are all things that don't fit thematically with the high action 80s movie story about protecting a city from destruction. These things were deliberately spread out through the year to give us multiple stories to follow while we wait for TFS. It's a live service game. You're here for the whole year. And it's fine if that's not the storytelling type you like. It's fine! That doesn't mean the story is objectively bad.

But yeah, agreed with what you said. It helps to vent! There's definitely people out there who are in the same situation and who just want to enjoy the game as usual and not having to deal with crybabies who make the whole experience absolutely miserable and make it impossible to engage with anything. Luckily, there's also always people who are still engaging with the game normally. We like the game and we like engaging with the game. And when I stop liking it, I'll just stop engaging with it. I wish other people could do the same.

#destiny 2 #ask #long post #i could go on about the community's treatment of lightfall but for the sake of everyone's sanity let's stop here #agreed with the ask wholeheartedly #there's so much stuff in the community that is just absolutely horrible on so many levels

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bro-atz · 3 months

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that sumin fic was crazy af i’m obsessed w your writing… could we possibly get a university au w music composition major minjae x f!reader?? and w some smut in there too pls thinking a lot abt rapper minjae being good w his tongue akdjjsjsjsj

the theory of music

in which: there's a rumor about minjae that you want to find out more about.

pair: uni student!minjae/uni student!afab!reader

word count: 3.4k

content: college!au, smut, heavy sexual tension, oral sex, completely consensual!

author's note: you wanna know what's crazy anon? i know someone like this irl HAHAH nd he's truly one of my favorite people (if i ignore the fact that he had a threesome in my living room once but that a story for a diff day) but yes this is something i can def do and just did for you (^з^)-♡♥︎♡ seriously tho im glad you requested this bc i wanted to make a lil series for xikers so this was perf

tag list: @eyeryis @sinnarols apply for the permanent taglist here! university!series: sumin, minjae, junmin, hyunwoo

You weren’t one for parties, especially rooftop parties. You only went to this specific rooftop party because it was your friend’s roommate’s birthday, and she promised you that it was going to be lowkey and fun when it was anything but. Yet, you had a good time— when the company is good, why wouldn’t everything else be good? Some kids were still yakking off the roof while others were getting completely stoned or crossed, but the ones that were still somewhat coherent were cool. There was one person in particular that you were drawn to the most, not because you were attracted to him (although he was very attractive, you’ll give him that), but because the air around him was so calming and he seemed to vibe with literally everyone.

“Him? That’s Minjae,” Junmin, one of the boys you were talking to at the party, told you when you asked. “How do you not know Minjae?”

“I mean… It’s my first time seeing him—”

“Still, he’s infamous at these parties.”

“This is my first time at one of these rooftop parties. Cut me some slack, Junmin.”

“Well, I’d just warn you and say don’t get too close,” Junmin brought his voice down and said ominously.

“Why do you say that?” you matched his decibel, clearly not taking him seriously.

“He’s… A character. Kind of loose. I mean, you see how many girls go swarming to him. It happens all the time, and it happens for a reason”

“Dude, I’m not looking to fuck him. I just want to befriend the guy, is all.”

“That’s what they all say,” Junmin sighed loudly. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Heard loud and clear.”

You wanted to defy Junmin, but he was just so sinister with informing you about Minjae that you dropped the idea of befriending the guy in general. You spent the rest of the party interacting with other people, completely unaware that Minjae’s gaze kept flickering to you every so often.

You saw Minjae again at Junmin’s rooftop party, but you paid no mind to him. This time, you steered clear of him because he was surrounded by a bunch of girls— girls that definitely were not at the party you were at the other night. You knew after what Junmin said that Minjae was a popular guy, but it didn’t fully register in your head until that moment. Maybe it was his soft, brown hair that spilled over his face and gave his eyes a mysterious charm that made the girls fall for him, or maybe it was his irresistible smile and laugh. Whatever it was, there was just something about him that drew girls to him like a moth to a flame.

You kept to yourself for the most part during Junmin’s party. Junmin was running around the rooftop trying to make sure his friends didn’t fall over the balcony or throw up anywhere that wasn’t a toilet— honestly, seeing him scramble all over the place did not make you jealous in the slightest. If anything, it was entertaining to see him break a sweat and make sure the party didn’t completely fall apart.

While you were observing Junmin, you didn’t realize that Minjae actually approached you and stood right next to you with every intention to flirt with the one girl at the party that wasn’t all over him.

“Hey,” you heard him speak into your ear, startling you completely.

“What the— Oh?” you were fully prepared to fight whoever it was that scared you, but when you saw Minjae’s beautiful face super close to yours, you short-circuited. “H-hello…”

He held his hand out for you to shake.

“Minjae.”

You nearly said “I know” in response, but you choked back that first instinct. You shook his hand.

“Y/N.”

There was a beat of silence. Honestly, you didn’t know what to say to him because Junmin truly scared the shit out of you, so the only questions on your mind was just to inquire about his reputation.

“You know, I saw you at the last party and wondered who you were because I’ve never seen you at any of these parties,” Minjae said, trying to continue the conversation.

“Yeah, I’m not really a party person,” you admitted.

“But you’re here at this one?”

“Because Junmin invited me.”

“What about the last one?”

“My friend invited me since it was her roommate’s birthday.”

“Oh, okay that makes sense.”

Minjae nodded and smiled at you, making you feel slightly guilty that your impression of him was so tarnished thanks to your own assumptions. He ended up getting more words out of you and got you comfortable enough to have very candid conversations about everything. He had a very complex view on the world that you resonated with, and it made you want to know more about him. There was definitely a deeper side of him that he was hiding, and you wanted to find it.

You were so engrossed in your conversation with him that you didn’t realize how much time had passed and that most of the party had cleared out until Junmin approached you and Minjae, his hair and clothes completely disheveled.

“I appreciate you both so much, but I’m going to have to ask you both to go the fuck home,” Junmin said with a heavy sigh.

You checked your phone and saw many, many missed calls from your roommate, and you also saw that it was four in the morning.

“Damn, it’s already this late? Sorry, Junmin,” you apologized.

“We’ll leave now,” Minjae added.

We? You looked at Minjae with slight confusion.

“Thanks. Get home safe— And, Y/N, text me when you get home,” Junmin instructed.

“Ow, you don’t want to know if I got home?” Minjae asked feigning hurt.

“You’ll be fine,” Junmin rolled his eyes and pushed Minjae away. “Get out.”

You and Minjae left Junmin’s apartment building, and before you could bid adieu and head home, Minjae asked, “What direction are you headed in?”

“There,” you pointed.

“I’ll walk you home,” Minjae stated.

You eyed Minjae suspiciously, wondering if he had any other intentions by walking you home. Deciphering your look, he held his hands up and said, “No, I just want to make sure you get home safe, too. It’s four in the morning, and you are a woman after all.”

You were still not convinced of his intentions. It was only when he held out his pinky and looked at you with the most sincerest of eyes did you cave and let him walk you home.

During your walk, you both continued to have a deep discussion about the world to the point where you didn’t even realize that you had already gotten back to your dorm. Before you went inside, Minjae stopped you.

“Wait, I have a question for you.”

“What is it?”

“If I invited you to one of my parties, would you come?”

You briefly pondered the thought before nodding. He grinned at you then held out his phone. “I’ll text you the next time I throw one,” he said.

You gave him your number, and with that, you both parted ways.

You seriously wondered why Junmin told you to avoid Minjae in the first place. He didn’t seem so bad.

You and Minjae became friends since the night you exchanged numbers. Not once did you feel like Minjae was trying to get into your pants or anything—especially because he mostly texted you— making you doubt Junmin’s explanation of the guy more and more. When you asked Junmin, he refused to elaborate on it further, so you had to settle for a shrug and acceptance that Junmin was probably just really wrong about Minjae.

you:

what’re you doing rn?”

You ended up texting Minjae right in the middle of class one fine day. You shouldn’t have been on your phone, but the class was such a drag that you desperately needed the distraction.

minjae:

studio why

you:

ah okay nah i was just bored is all

minjae:

you can come to the studio if you want

you:

yeah? you sure?

And immediately, Minjae sent you an address along with a room number— it was one of the buildings on campus, but you had no idea which one it was until you got there. It was the music building on campus, also known as a building you’ve never entered on campus and never thought you would enter because you were not in the music composition major. You were nervous as hell the entire time you were making your way to the studio that Minjae was in until you saw him down the hall, half his body out the door as he looked and waited for you.

You had never seen any sort of music studio before, and were honestly quite surprised to see that your school had such a professional one— well, multiple professional ones since the entire hall you walked down was filled with studios— readily available on campus. It was completely soundproof inside, and it was also dark as hell in there. There were no windows or anything. Just a room, a chair, a computer, a monitor, a bunch of keyboards, and an audio mixer.

“I thought this was a recording studio?” you questioned.

“This is the mixing studio. So if we don’t have to record vocals or instruments and just need digital, we can use this room,” Minjae explained.

“Oh…”

“Want to listen?”

“Sure.”

Minjae let you have a seat in the singular chair in the room and gave you the headphones. As soon as you were comfortable, he played the song for you. It was upbeat, but also melancholic in a way. You found yourself nodding along to the beat of the song the more you listened, and when the song ended, you were amazed but also confused because that was super short.

“This is really good,” you told the boy as you handed the headphones back.

“Yeah, but it’s still not done. I only played you the intro into the first chorus since that’s all I got right now,” he said with a tiny sigh.

“Still, what you have so far is so good. I can’t wait to hear the whole song now.”

With a small smile, Minjae reclaimed his seat, leaving you standing. You looked around, trying to find a place to sit, but the only place to sit was the singular chair in the room that Minjae was using.

“I’ll head out then, leave you to it,” you told the boy as you reached for the door handle.

“Honestly, you can stay if you’d like,” Minjae said without tearing his eyes away from the screen.

“Won’t it be weird if I’m just sitting on the ground in the corner?”

“What? You can sit in the chair with me.”

You eyed the chair, then looked at Minjae skeptically. “You really think that we’ll both fit in the chair?”

“Yeah, the arms come up. See,” Minjae said as he proceeded to demonstrate— and they did.

You somehow found yourself sitting on one edge of the chair while Minjae sat on the other. You though he would be uncomfortable working like that, but he seemed perfectly fine and completely focused on his work. You tried to keep your eyes on the screen, but for some reason, your eyes kept straying towards the boy.

Minjae was very attractive usually, but he was absolutely breathtaking from the side. His chin was tilted upwards since the monitor was on an elevated desk, so you got the best view of his jawline. He unconsciously licked his lower lip as he clicked on the screen, and he bit his lower lip while he focus, the mere acts send flashes of heat through your body.

He usually looked like a very soft, very cuddly boy, but this version of Minjae you got to see was incredibly sexy— unbelievably and unbearably sexy. He was so immersed in his work that he just oozed charisma, and the way his arms would subtly flex when he moved the mouse around or clicked or typed made you pay more attention to the way he was built— so much attention that you started wondering what he looked like underneath since his arms were pretty muscular.

It was only when he turned his head to look at you did you suddenly snap out of your daydream. You looked right at the monitor thinking you barely avoided Minjae noticing you staring, but he noticed well before he even turned to look at you. In fact, he felt you staring him down, and despite the fact that he was playing the song, he heard you gulp the building pool of saliva in your mouth. Plus, it did not help your case that your face and ears were reddening slowly.

“Y/N,” Minjae said, nearly startling you out of your skin.

“Y-yeah?”

“You good?”

“Y-yeah…”

“You sure?”

You were going to respond with another yeah, but the words got stuck in the back of your throat when you felt his hand on your thigh, his hand rubbing inwards ever so slowly. Butterflies rampaged through your entire body when you felt his burning touch, the impure thoughts in your head getting dirtier by the second.

“You know, if you wanted, you could just ask.”

“What’re you talking about?” you deflected while trying to reclaim your thigh from him; but, you were unsuccessful, and he ended up moving his hand along your thigh, closer to your crotch. “Okay! Okay, I know, what you mean!”

“I can help you relieve that tension right now if you’d like.”

“Right now? In here?”

Minjae nodded.

“Are you insane?! In here?! What the fuck?!”

“Got a problem with that?”

“A bunch!” your voice nearly shrilled. “Aren’t there cameras? What if someone walks in? And—”

“No one will come in here since you need to have the key card to get in, and there are no cameras in here.”

“Still, but…”

You tried to find more reasons to object to having sex in the studio, but when his hand reached for your face and his fingers held your chin, your mind melted. He brought your face closer to his, and your eyes fluttered close when he brought his lips towards yours, but he stopped, his lips mere millimeters from yours.

“Is it because you don’t want to do this with me, or because you’re just nervous about the location?”

“…The latter.”

“If that’s the case, then don’t worry about it.”

“How a can I not worry about it when that’s all I’ll be thinking about?”

“Then I’ll fuck you so hard that you won’t even be able to think.”

Without a second to lose, Minjae’s lips were on yours. You didn’t think he was going to be so intense with you right off the bat, but when his tongue pushed into your mouth, you were completely taken aback. You leaned into him and held onto his shoulders when you felt his hands move down to your waist. His fingers slipped under your shirt and tiptoed their way up, leaving goosebumps in their wake. When his hands went over your breasts and started massaging over your bra painfully well, your grip on him tightened, and you pushed yourself further into his chest, a slight moan leaving your lips. You for sure thought Minjae was going to laugh at your reaction to his touch, but he was so intently focused on you that he was just eating up every single noise that escaped your soul.

You whimpered and whined slightly when his lips left yours, a thin string of saliva barely connecting his tongue to yours before being broken the second he brought his lips to your neck and started sucking lightly on your skin. His hands held the bottom of your shirt and pulled it upwards, your bra getting pushed up shortly thereafter. You flung your head back and let out a gasp mixed with a sigh when he started sucking on your nipple, his teeth nibbling slightly as he did so. He pinched and twisted your other nipple, sending shocks down your spine.

Next thing you knew, you were fully naked and sitting all by yourself on the swivel chair, the arm rests down for you to grip. Minjae lifted one of your legs and set it over his shoulder as he pushed the other to the side to fully reveal your soaking wet cunt, your slick glistening with the lights of the monitor. You felt Minjae exhale lightly, making your toes curl with excitement and lust. You face was burning up when you looked down to see Minjae looking up at you with shining eyes and a little smirk on his face. He didn’t have to utter a word for you to know that he was thoroughly entertained by your reaction to his being.

It was when he licked a stripe down your cunt did you fully lose your mind. Yellow and white sparks filled your vision as Minjae took his time with you. His tongue swirled around your clit, and he slipped a delicate finger through your folds. He curled the finger inside you and left it there the more he slurped you up and let his tongue wildly flick against your raw bud. You gripped onto the arm rests for dear life and bit your lower lip painfully hard when you felt the finger slip out and his tongue replace its position.

“Darling, you can be as loud as you want. No one’s gonna hear a fucking thing,” Minjae said softly as looked up at you with devious eyes and a slight smirk, your arousal fluid completely coating his mouth.

You weren’t planning on taking him up on that until he sucked on your clit, the feeling of the suction absolutely driving you up the wall. A sweet, loud moan sounded in the studio, more gasps and moans tumbling out of your mouth when you felt him slip two of his fingers inside you, fingering you slowly but with immense intention. Your hands left the arm rests and moved to his hair, his hair bunching up in your fists as you pushed him closer to your pussy.

“Ah! Mmm— Min-Minjae,” you cried as you tugged at his hair, prompting him to look at you. “More…”

Wordlessly, Minjae delivered. He kept curling his fingers inside you every time he pulled his fingers out, and he fingered you way faster as he slurped obnoxiously, your arousal filling his mouth completely. It was when he left your clit with a sickly sweet kiss did you cum, white filling your vision as you flung your head back and moaned loudly. You squirted right into his mouth, the boy downing everything like it was his last meal. You felt your face get hotter the more lewd noises he made with just his tongue and your pussy.

You thought he would be done, but he was far from over. He barely gave you a second to rest before diving in again, his fingers ruthlessly fingering you and rubbing along your g-spot repetitively, overstimulating you to the max. You were still riding your high when he pushed further, and it felt like you were seeing heaven and hell at the same time when you came for the second time, white filling your vision as you felt your body nearly burst into flames.

“W-wait, Minjae,” you said while breathing heavily, your hands desperately pushing his head away from your cunt. “I just—”

You cut yourself off when you saw his face, your arousal dribbling down his lips and dripping from his chin, his face pink and rosy. You were completely shocked— not once had you cum like that for any boy you had hooked up with in the past, and you definitely did not expect yourself to cum that hard ever in your entire lifetime. So, when you saw that the collar of Minjae’s shirt was also drenched, you wanted the Earth to swallow you whole.

“I guess I have to,” Minjae said as he stood up. He used the bottom of his shirt to wipe his face, giving you the slightest peak at his toned torso. “I’ve got to check out of the studio soon, so we’ll continue this back at my place if that’s alright with you.”

You finally understood what Junmin was hinting at. Minjae was going to be the best sex you ever had, and there was no going back from there.

“Fuck, yes, please.”

#broatz request #xikers #xikers minjae #kim minjae #minjae smut #minjae x reader #kim minjae xikers #minjae xikers #minjae xikers smut #xikers minjae smut #kim minjae smut #broatz

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solitaireships · 2 months

Text

Cultural Reconnection

Happy Lunar New Year! To celebrate, I wanted to do a little selfship fic, and I decided with this one to do a modern AU focused on Helena and Chae-Yeong, partially bcs they have the same backgrounds as me with that so I know a little more about Seollal (Korean new year) things from my irl attempts to connect more with my culture

Full disclosure here, like Helena and Chae-Yeong, a lot of what I know about Seollal celebrations are things that I have recently taught myself from doing research online. This may not be a 100% accurate with how things are celebrated, and if it's not, I would appreciate anyone who knows more giving feedback! While it won't change things with this fic, bcs they also are still learning how to celebrate this properly, it'd help me out with my future LNY celebrations

Rating: Gen

Genre: Fluff

Words: 2325 words

Divider by saradika

Helena doesn’t cook very often. It’s not that she’s a bad cook, but with her and Chae-Yeong both hating being in the kitchen with other people, Chae-Yeong tends to be the one to make dinner more often than not. Helena figures that with how much food they’ll need for tonight’s Seollal celebrations, though, she could handle the majority of the cooking.

As she cooks, Helena’s in new hanbok that Chae-Yeong had bought for this. She’s had to be careful with it— the last thing she wants to do is stain the light green and pink fabric making up the layers of her clothes. Her hanbok’s chima is longer than any of the dresses or skirts she usually wears, but she likes the way it moves around her as she walks around the kitchen.

In some ways it feels like she’s not supposed to be wearing this— her grandmother never passed on much information about Korean culture to Helena or her mother beyond the food. But she’s worn hanbok before, and she reminds herself that this is a part of her culture, even if it’s something she grew up disconnected from.

It helps that Chae-Yeong’s in a similar boat to Helena. Both of them are a quarter Korean, both of them didn’t get many cultural things passed down to them, and both of them look white. Helena is used to feeling out of place everywhere she goes, never really feeling like she belongs to any community fully. But with Chae-Yeong, she actually feels like she’s not alone.

Trying to fill the many gaps in her knowledge of Korean culture is more fun with Chae-Yeong, though. That’s another thing that makes Helena feel less alone, less like she’s an imposter and doesn’t really count as Korean. And as Helena finishes up making their rice cake soup hopes that she’s able to make Chae-Yeong feel the same way.

“The soup is done, starlight!” Helena calls.

“Smells good,” Chae-Yeong says, coming into the kitchen with a bottle of sparkling cider in hand. She looks pretty in hanbok— she's dressed in has a bright red skirt and a black jeogori. The silver and pink norigae she’s wearing is a nice touch too with its butterfly charm, standing out from the rest of the outfit.

Helena thinks this look suits her well. Her hanbok even matches with the red and black paint along her prosthetic arm and leg. It seems to match her perfectly, and is a good reminder to Helena of just how pretty her wife is.

“Thanks,” Helena says. “Did you get the rest of the table set up?”

“Mhm.” Chae-Yeong sets the bottle down on the counter, digging through their drawers to find a bottle opener. “We’ll just need to get the last of the hot stuff plated, then everything will be ready.”

Helena turns off the stovetop. “Great. I’m hungry after cooking all day.”

“I’m sure it’ll all taste amazing, yeobo,” Chae-Yeong says. “Do you want me to help plate stuff?”

“If it won’t make you annoyed,” Helena replies, half teasing.

Chae-Yeong rolls her eyes but smiles. “Putting food on plates and cooking are too different things. And it’s not like you’re better.”

“I’m not. But it’s always good to be safe, you can get scary when you feel like it.”

“I don’t get scary.”

“Yeah, you do.” Helena nudges Chae-Yeong’s side as she walks past with a plate of bulgogi. “You look pretty like that, though.”

Chae-Yeong laughs, pausing the process of scooping some rice from their rice cooker to look at Helena. “You’re the only person in the world who could think I’m attractive when I’m mad.”

“Mhm, which is part of why I’m very lucky to have married you,” Helena says.

Chae-Yeong gives her one last little affectionate look before they both go back to plating their food. It’s a lot of work to do, but between the two of them, they’re able to get the job done quickly. Helena switches to bringing plates over to the table, doing what she can to remember where everything is supposed to be placed.

This isn’t like her and Chae-Yeong’s normal dinner arrangements. They have food set up practically covering every inch of it. At one end of the table is a collection of fruits such as Asian pears and apples, with a row of vegetables set up on plates behind it. The third row at the back of the table is where they set up their bowls of rice along with plates full of japchae and bulgogi. There’s a spot near the middle of that back row for the rice cake soup which Chae-Yeong brings in in two large bowls. Behind the table is a folding paper screen, one set up there especially for today. They’ve also set up a candle on either side of the table’s middle row, which Helena lights as she waits for Chae-Yeong.

It’s a lot of food for the two of them to eat. Far more than they’d usually prepare. Helena’s never been a big eater, and just looking at everything laid out in front of them is almost intimidating.

The food isn’t all for them, though. This year they’re trying something new. A part of Seollal is honoring ancestors with charye rites, and this year they’ll be making their first attempt at performing that.

Preparing an offering table was Helena’s idea. She wasn’t sure how Chae-Yeong would feel about it. Chae-Yeong’s relationship with her family was never a good one, and if she didn’t want to be part of the charye rites, Helena would have understood. Only Chae-Yeong’s biological father even seemed remotely worth honoring. Maybe none of Helena’s ancestors are either— her relationship with her maternal grandparents had been tense for years, and she doesn’t know much about any of her relatives beyond her grandparents.

But this is something that’s part of most celebrations of Seollal, and Helena wants to try this at least once. Chae-Yeong agreed to this too, and if nothing else Helena will be glad that she gets to do this with her wife. They had to make some substitutions, though— Helena read that alcohol is usually offered to ancestors, but neither of them drink so instead they opted for a sparkling cider. Incense is also used for charye rites too, but the smell makes Helena feel sick so instead they have a reed diffuser set up on the table by the vegetables.

“Are you ready to do the honors?” Helena asks as Chae-Yeong comes to rest her head on her shoulder.

“If you are,” Chae-Yeong says. “I’m still not sure I’m the best one to be handling this, though. There wasn’t a ton of information about what I’m supposed to be doing online.”

“You’ll do great,” Helena promises, reaching back to give her wife’s hip a quick squeeze.

Chae-Yeong takes a deep breath. It’s rare that she’s ever nervous, but that she’s clearly worried about this is a sign of just how much it matters to her. This is a part of her culture too, a part that neither of them are experienced with. They both want to get this right.

Knowing Helena’s not alone in this is nice.

But it’s also nice seeing the way any nerves fade away as Chae-Yeong begins performing the charye rites. She pulls a piece of prayer written in Korean from one of the pockets built into her skirt, placing it on the table before calling out towards their ancestors in a greeting, welcoming them to the table. She’s always been good at coming off as confident even when she’s new to something, and she looks like she’s done this a thousand times as she pours a cup of sparkling cider as an offering. She places a pair of chopsticks on the plate of bulgogi and leaves a spoon in one of the rice bowls.

Chae-Yeong moves to move the paper screen, unfolding it more so it hides the table from view. Her skirts rustle around her as she makes her way back to Helena.

“Alright, we’ll have to step out for a bit now,” Chae-Yeong says.

Helena nods and lets her wife lead the way out of the dining room and into their living room.

“Are we supposed to just sit in silence while the ancestors eat?” Helena asks as she closes the door behind her.

“I don’t know, I couldn’t find anything about that when I was figuring this out,” Chae-Yeong admits. She takes a seat on the couch. “I’d say we try to be quiet just to be safe. That feels more ceremonial.”

“Okay.”

Helena sits down next to Chae-Yeong. She doesn’t usually like sitting around in silence for a long time— her mind wanders easily, and usually it wanders towards rumination and everything in her life that’s stressing her out. But with Lunar New Year on her mind, she finds her thoughts going to better things for once.

She wonders what her great-grandparents would have thought of her and Chae-Yeong. She never met them, and she never heard stories about them either. There are no puzzle pieces for her to put together, there’s no story she can create from scraps of information. Most of her family tree is a mystery to her even as she honors them.

But Chae-Yeong’s not a mystery at all. Helena knows how to read her unlike anyone else, knows every single one of her little quirks by heart. She’s someone who makes sense, and Helena’s always grateful for their similarities. She makes life so much better for her, and she hopes that regardless of who her great-grandparents or even her great-great-grandparents were, they’d at least be proud of her for finding someone she can be herself around. Maybe they’d be proud of her for reconnecting with her roots, for trying to follow cultural traditions even if it took her a long time to do so.

Family is weird, and it’s complicated, but Helena hopes that there’d be someone in Chae-Yeong’s family that’s happy for her too. And if no one else is, then Helena will be proud of her for them.

The five minutes they’re away from the dining room pass quickly. Chae-Yeong’s leg brushes against Helena, getting past her skirt so that she can feel the plastic of her prosthetic foot brushing against Helena’s lower leg.

Chae-Yeong breaks the silence with a cough. “We’re good to head back in.”

Helena gets up first, waiting a second for Chae-Yeong to get up after her. She stretches as she gets up, making a soft grunting noise.

Nothing’s different as the two of them make it back into the dining room, though Helena feels like it should be. She hopes that this is what they’re supposed to be doing, as Chae-Yeong makes her way to the table again. She moves to put the folding screen back in its original position, revealing the table again. She goes to take the chopsticks from the bulgogi, then the spoon from the rice bowl.

“We’re supposed to bow four times now,” Chae-Yeong says as she rejoins Helena. “It’ll help send the ancestors back to the spirit world.”

Helena hums in response, taking four deep bows along with Chae-Yeong. She hopes that if anyone is watching from the other side, they appreciate the food she and Chae-Yeong prepared for them.

Chae-Yeong strides over to the table again, now taking the written prayer from it and burning it over the candle. The ashes fall down onto the table, and Helena notes that next year they should use a tablecloth.

“Okay,” Chae-Yeong says. “Since we don’t have any ritual things outside of that prayer, I think that’s about it aside from eumbok.”

“Great,” Helena says. Now it’s her turn to step up to the table.

It’s hard to say if that’s what the ceremony was supposed to be like when she has no frame of reference for it. Now that it’s over, she can’t help but worry that they did this wrong. She heard that people usually eat dried fish for Seollal— they didn’t have any of that, maybe that means the food offerings aren’t right. And they might not have done the ceremony itself right either, it was hard trying to find resources online about how to do this. She knows that she’s probably being irrational, and she’s probably holding herself to too high standards, but worry still eats at her.

“I think we might be doing this wrong,” Helena says, frowning down at the table.

“Maybe,” Chae-Yeong replies. Her arms wrap around Helena’s waist as she hugs her from behind. “But I like trying this with you.”

Helena can’t help but smile at that. “Yeah. I like it too.”

It’s not perfect. Helena knows it never will be, no matter how much she wishes she could push everything into place. But she thinks she can be content with imperfection if Chae-Yeong is.

So she leans back to give Chae-Yeong a quick kiss on the cheek.

“How about we go ahead and eat, then?” she suggests.

“Sounds good.”

As they sit down at a corner of the table, Helena looks at all of the food laid out before them. It’s impressive to think about how much they managed to make in one day, and even if things aren’t perfect, Helena thinks now that she’s happy with how things turned out. They’re definitely going to have a lot to eat, though, and she’s sure they’ll be eating leftovers for a long time after this.

Helena takes a slice of Asian pear, offering it to Chae-Yeong. She takes it between her teeth, biting off a piece with an affectionate look at Helena.

She’s lucky to be going into this new year with Chae-Yeong. Everyday with her is a gift. And Helena hopes that when they eat their rice cake soup, symbolizing growing a year older with the lunar new year, this will be one of many more years spent together.

#selfship fic #selfship #safeship #safeship fic #my writing #my posts #lunar new year #💫 Modern AU 🌙#💫 shepherd’s delight #💫#🌙 helena

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tojikai · 9 months

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also wanted to add this part since i forgot to add this to the original ask:

the manipulation is so cruel and heartbreaking. to constantly torment the reader knowing how she feels and to just upset her on purpose is disgusting. also to mention in front of the baby mom you discarded and mistreat that you want to have children with someone else and willingly allow the gf to diminish the reader’s role in her own child’s life. i was more sad than mad at first when the child called the gf mama but now i think the anger and sadness are equal. i know the child is young (and that gojo probably cosigned that) but they are inadvertently turning them against reader. she already has to coparent with him and the gf enabling him too so she definitely doesn’t deserve to be put last by her own child for the people who torment her especially since she is the only one being the bigger person and that no one as of right now is in her corner. the taking the child on trips was appalling; they didn’t consider how reader would feel and they overstep her boundaries and just disregard her role. part of me even thinks that there is a possibility gojo cares more about antagonizing the reader than being a dad sometimes. hopefully the child will stop calling the gf mom bc it isn’t right (they’re not even married, she didn’t even see or care how reader felt about it and the gf is trying to slide into the role too quick) maybe its just me but despite not having kids, having them around strangers is a definite NO. the fact that she could see how the entire situation affected reader and had the audacity to smile at her and to just watch her get mistreated screams “pick me” but also screams “evil and enjoying her suffering” i just don’t trust her. it makes me sad that the child doesn’t have loyalty to her mom and hopefully they develop to have more loyalty to the reader. i hope the reader can find happiness and at least have her child also (saying also bc i think someone else said this too) and then leave gojo and his gf where they are at. i do genuinely hope that gojo suffers in this fic lmao pls dog walk his behind😭

hopefully her feelings can fade and that she falls in love with someone who will have her back, protect her and just be loyal to her.

(maybe this entire this sounds bitter, but i didn’t know how else to phrase it. i know when i was little and even now i would see my mom have this kind of personality and is kind to everyone so i stick with my mom on everything so to read that kinda shocked me and made me sad. if my child called someone else mom id be devastated.)

sidenote: i also would like to think that reader’s child would be gojo’s karma since he is so malicious towards the reader and that with time the child will pick up on that and strengthen their bond with the reader as well as her loyalty.

(this is honestly a lot but i had a lot of feelings and thoughts 💭)

- theory anon

i definitely get you. seeing a babydaddy's gf try to take over the mom role even when the real mom is literally alive and kicking can be really revolting. and the fact that the babydaddy is not taking action is just disrespectful. tho, we cant blame the child bc they're weak when it comes to toys😭irl, i know that as a child grows, they slowly realize all of that and side more with what is right. i really enjoyed reading this, theory anon <33 hope you're doing great~

#🍭—kaitalks #f: sundered

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ambassadorarlert · 4 months

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currently laying in bed sick and figured i’d get some things off my chest

being on tumblr and interacting w ppl on here is strange bc 2023 was the roughest year of my entire life, like no joke. irl and online, i’ve been forced to stay quiet, hidden, and endure being burnt from every possible angle. i’ve gotten out of one toxic cycle barely by the skin of my teeth and the second chance of life i was given would be a wasted if i didn’t change the way i live and think.

this blog used to be a safe haven for me, a place where i could share my writing (which is something I wanted to get back into since falling out of it for years.) i had a huge medical accident, and never got treated properly for it because I couldn’t afford to see a doctor (financial abuse woo!! 😀) and was gaslight to believe certain things weren’t as they seemed, so my health was pushed to the back burner and i had to press on for someone who never even loved me. now that i’m away from that situation, i’ve been trying to not put pressure on myself to write and upload. i see writing as a whole an art and the things i want to create cannot be rushed or mass produced, which is what a lot of younger people are used to and why they’re so rude and demanding requests, why they don’t read rules or respect boundaries, why they say out of pocket shit because they’re used to commenting on their fav creator/celebs pics without repercussions. writers aren’t influencers or content creators — we’re people who do what we love for free. no creators programs to pay us and gives us platforms, no sponsorships, some of us don’t even get tips. when i see mutuals leave certain fandom spaces because of hate, it genuinely makes me sad.

on top of abuse irl, i’ve been getting abused on here as well. internet harassment hardly constitutes as “bullying” in the eyes of some but not to me. this is an especially hard topic for me to talk about, and i can hardly be vague about it because it will kick up a bunch more shit. but if want see the change, i have to speak up. if i want to be comfortable, i first have to get used to be uncomfortable. I never said anything until now, because it’s been dragged out long enough. they’re younger than me and are clearly suffering psychological issues. i for real don’t want them to be hurt. but it’s hard to not notice what they’re doing when they’re doing it. they keep tabs on everything i say and people i talk to, make blogs and remake blogs when I block them. i don’t have definite proof of this part in particular, but i suspect they go around and tell stories about me which makes sense as to why mutuals i’ve made will block/unfollow me out of the blue. (anyone can block who they want for whatever reason they want, but the pattern is there and it’s strange.) i’m sure they’ll try to take this post and create an issue, victimize themselves and change the narrative, but I don’t care anymore. i mentioned no names and i said what i said.

i want my blog back. i want to write my silly fics and stories. i want to be able to support people unapologetically and see all the self ships, say what i want to say and post what i want to post and show ppl that love is everything and there’s no place for hate in 2024. i’ve always been outspoken and called bullshit when i smelled it, and have said whatever has come to my mind. so if there’s anything I’ve ever said that may have offended someone in anyway, i actually truly am sorry and will 100% say it to your face if need be. its easy for me to troll real trolls, and stick up for other people who have a hard time defending themselves. i need to learn how to do the same for myself, and relearn how to take care of myself. i feel more comfortable doing that one step at a time.

#totally don’t have to read this btw #im just venting fr #text post #i’ve written this so many times but never uploaded it

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frecklystars · 2 months

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American Psycho musical anon! So in the scene where Jean is in Patrick’s apartment — he gets ready for the kill (and is in his underwear covered in blood don’t worry about it it’s a metaphor at this point), but stops when she confesses she loves him. And Patrick just stops and stares and there’s a long, long pause…and he just says all softly “…why?” Before telling her to leave before she gets hurt.

But that’s not the line — it’s when he’s monologing a confession to the detective right after. He goes through his (supposed) kills and says “I almost…I almost killed someone *good*” in reference to her, with his voice breaking on that last word. When I was reading your post about adding Patrick to your f/o list I IMMEDIATELY thought of that.

!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Bro I’m so grateful you are telling me this 😭😭 I’ve been having such a. weird. time with this F/O. but I need him and I need to get back into the habit of believing that there is safety within fiction and self shipping, always, regardless of who it’s with, whether it’s the sweetest happy-go-lucky character, or the most horrific, vile, awful villain character to grace the screen. I think Patrick is the worst (derogatory AND affectionate) character I’ve ever felt an attachment to, and like… 99% of me trying to self ship with him is me saying “ok but he wouldn’t hurt me and he wouldn’t hurt others anymore after meeting me bc he wants to get better” and I’ve had a lot of good days about it! I’ve had a lot of good days where I realize I’ve done a good chunk of healing from my irl abuse bc of him making me feel so protected. The bad days with him are so rare bc I've managed to work around my story with him a LOT (A LOT. A LOT OF HEAVY EDITING) and messages from kind folks like you always help me feel so much better too!!! 😭💖💖

I think it’s extremely kind of you to think of me and to take the time to tell me about this version of Patrick having a bit more of a… a conscience, can we call it that? Man that hits just as hard as movie!Patrick looking genuinely so upset/distressed and saying quietly “I don’t think I can control myself” and telling Jean repeatedly that she should leave even though she keeps asking “do you want me to leave?” he has all these chances to change his mind, yet he just. won’t. allow himself. to hurt somebody who’s so innocent.

It makes you think about how he’s surrounded by the same type of people 24/7. The same uptight misogynistic yuppies in the same Armani pinstripe suits and ties obsessed with financial success doing work where they don't lift a finger, the same blonde models married/engaged to said yuppies for their money, or the same models they pay for and treat like objects. How Pat views everyone as an object to be discarded or something to take his frustration out on, how he is seeing Jean that way until they have a genuine conversation that barely lasts even just a few minutes, and that monstrous part of him mellows for a moment, and he realizes softly within himself “oh. fuck.” like he’s still the worst Ever but like… it’s nice (from a self shipping perspective) to know that there is a small shred of empathy left in that hollow husk of a (fictional) monster and he’s able to tame that said monster even for just a second for the sake of someone else. There's 0.0001% of goodness, or at least something somewhat neutral left inside of him, something to work with and I can build off of that.

And!!! Canonically, didn’t the author write a whole bunch of emails to promote the movie about Pat going to therapy and being married to Jean with a son, like 10 years after the events of the film?? Something like that?? Granted, I think they get divorced, but, like… he has the potential to be loving and gentle and the fact that he canonically goes to therapy (plus the ambiguity of his crimes in the first place, how seemingly none of them possibly happened in the first place) all of it adds up and makes me think “ok no, I can pull this off!!! I CAN absolutely do this!!!! I like him and I’m allowed to think he would like me and get better for me too!!! If he can do it for Jean, he can do it for me!!"

Slowly but surely getting back on that self shipping saddle. Kind messages help immensely. Thank you again so much 😭🙏

#anonymous #asks #keepsake #💕♬♪ Losing you is not an option ☆🔪❤️💥#anon you are a fucking GODSEND btw thank you so much. ilu

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onlyswan · 3 months

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my dearest art,

i would like to ask you a question. however, this question goes to the being beyond the outstanding writer you are. i’m sure you’re a loving person as you are irl. i am also asking this beyond the reader i am of your beautiful work, it’d only be fair to be vulnerable too.

just as any other person, we aspire to do things or fulfill things in life. have you ever wanted to do something that has been deferred because you had to wait for your friends or any sort of company? or do you fulfill these desires by doing it on your own?

i put myself as an example. i’m actually very introverted and do not have a handful of friends (the amount i have is all i need, i promise i feel loved by my friends). yet, i’m someone who dreams big and want to do many things that i didn’t dare to do when i was less independent, but i feel like i have to count on my friends to do these things. this year i would love to go to a jazz bar; i love music, and i love jazz so so so so much. and i would love to share the experience with my friends. but because of waiting on that, it gets deferred time and time again. there are so many more things that i would love to do, but i fear to do them on my own.

i would like to know how you manage yourself in situations like this, if you’ve ever had to encounter them. if this ask is too personal to answer, that is completely fine! i don’t get to show myself like this at all, but i have become fond of you and your work, and i have felt comfortable to take a step a little further. i hope that is not much of a bother.

i hope this month has been treating you kindly!!!!! good luck with uni!!!! i love you lots♥️🫶

there is actually something i learned as i was growing up and meeting new people! you know how there are particular things you only share to different friends? i have only a few very close friends, and there’s only one of them i talk to about my deepest, darkest thoughts. however, when i’m crying inconsolably, it’s almost pure instinct how i run to my other friends. it goes the same way with doing things, i believe. bcs we don’t always have the same interests! there are some things i’ve always wanted to try with my friends (well they’re mostly group activities haha) but somehow ended up experiencing with other people and it made me realize how fun it is to have different people in your life you can do different things with 🫶🏼 then i tell my friends about the experience and say that i want to try it out with them too! i’ve had success with this convincing method hehehe

honestly, me and my highschool friends also planned to study in the same uni but i ended up taking the entrance exams alone 😭

of course being with friends is always a wonderful experience! but i think it’s also great to be comfortable in your own company ☺️ it’s a very liberating feeling.

like for example, your favorite artist is having a concert in your country! imagine bts! and you want to go with a friend but due to conflict of schedule or financial matters, they won’t be able to attend and you’d have no one with you. it sounds scary but you won’t want to miss out on the opportunity that only comes once in a while.

and i think during those moments it’s important to think about the people we’re surrounded with: at a concert, all of you loves the artist performing on stage. at a jazz bar, all of you loves jazz! when i look around, i see a lot of people all by theirself and it makes me feel less lonely when i am alone! when i reflect on how one and the same humans are (mostly the fact that we crave happiness and we have love in our hearts), it gives me a sense of comfort and belonging.

i think we’re all trying to figure out how to enjoy life to the fullest— and ultimately we just need that little push, to take a step forward to begin the journey 🥰 the hardest part is always the start but i promise you gain the courage with each step and it gets easier after that <3

omg i’m soooo sorry for the long ramble and if there’s any errors T^T did i make sense? haha but i hope my perspective could be of little help or comfort to you !! i truly appreciate the fact that you trust me enough to be this vulnerable and i am honored 🥺💞 i have grown to be very fond of you as well and you always enter my mind when i open this app. i love you and i’m always wishing you the absolute best in life <3 i hope you don’t forget me and how i’m here to listen or talk always 🌼

#art’s post office ☁️#lina <3

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sergeifyodorov · 4 months

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maybe i’m misunderstanding this whole conversation (and i truly apologize if i am, i got into the hrpf sphere post kane era and i don’t want to seem confrontational here) but isn’t it fair for people to not want to write about people who have been accused of/investigated for s/a?? i’m on board with everything else mentioned in that long post but that one just. didn’t sit with me right. kane being accused of assault isn’t really him being Messy it was a criminal allegation and warrants isolation from fandom works (imo). i just feel we can be more honest about the fucked up less woobifyed reality of hockey without making kane the mascot for it (if that makes sense, sorry)

i think i both agree with you and think you might be misinterpreting that post a little bit?

okay first, what i saw from that addition had a lot less to do with kane Specifically and was a lot more about him as an example of... generally two different kind of movements, if that makes sense? (the "these are horrible people" trend vs the cleaner one, which sid was the leading example of.) im also taken to believe that pre allegations he was the most popular character within that circle and that the allegations caused people (rightfully) to not want to write about him anymore, which created a dramatic drop in that movement as a whole because of his popularity.

also from what i understand he wasn't exactly the only-distantly-problematic idealized fic character before that specific case either, he's had more than one run in with the law (arrested iirc for assaulting a cab driver over a ridiculously small amount of money, in one case at least)

i also want to post this anon bc it's kind of along the same lines

which i believe supports both the make-hrpf-nastier and the general character/person separation that is pretty much mandatory when you're writing rpf. i think we have to be careful as a rule because of this all-too common trap to idealize and woobify protagonists, and in this fandom where none of the "characters" are innocent that the nuance of understanding, empathizing with, and being entertained by someone who has thoroughly soul-sucking things wrong with them is imho important. kane's Actual Straight Up Sucking As A Person, To An Extent Beyond Everyone Else makes him a really good example and I hope that kind of clarifies why he was/is such a big part of the discussion?

okay back to agreeing. kane is absolutely incredibly awful in multiple different ways and everyone has a right to filter his tag and tell him he's a little bitch if they meet him irl (actually this one is a responsibility as well) and press the block button on my account personally if I mention him ever again if they so choose. also don't buy his jersey he makes money from that! and i do regret using him as a term to put the gore back into hrpf (and i think that I'll go back and edit that). and personally i will probably never write about him beyond a mention, or read stuff he's in that's not like a million years old.

but i also think that people should be able to engage in those themes if they want -- i think we as people have the right to make art that other people find morally reprehensible and i think we as people have the right to not involve ourselves with stuff that we find morally reprehensible.

#asks #patrick kane #i hope i didn't come off as disrespectful anon and it might be me misinterpreting the post in the end... but this is my general take.

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thewales · 2 years

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Ok so, she didn't answer literally any question head on, but of course it's not surprising; and the interview went something like: of course a funny anecdote at the beginning of ordinary people meeting the most amazing and wholesome Margarita irl and being like OH MY GOD ROYALTY, rebutting Bower’s claim that she was rude and demanding at photoshoots with omg omg omg she shook everyone’s hand. She was apparently called Diana-like by people? She rapped Archie’s fav song and talked about Beyonce on set. When a hat fell of her head at the shoot, she laughed like a real life Hollywood princess (ok?)

One thing she wants from life the most is joy (I thought it’s money, fame and titles but go off).

The author says that they’re redoing the interview bc of QE’s death but there’s only two questions about her anyway. Margarita says she won’t be talking about her in-laws to not distract from the mourning but The Queen was amazing leader, a shining example of female leadership. She quotes Enrique’s Louis’s "they’re finally reunited" and says that Enrique’s always an optimist (a lie repeated a thousand times will become truth i guess) . Also apparently she received the warmth and support from the "thousands of citizens she interacted with during her time in the UK".

Asked about how she feels after mourning she says she’s "energised and excited".

The Cut interview: she’s too trusting and too open, it's not her fault. It was supposed to be about Archetypes. But she's surviving it because she doesn't want to become so "jaded that a piece of her goes away"

Oprah interview: she was so pregnant she didn’t leave her home but she did a week after, she went to Gloria Steinem’s birthday extravaganza and she wasn’t sure what to expect, Glo’s (that’s what she said) friends took her in and gave her so much love and generosity and she loves their sisterhood.

Netflix: Liz Garbus is going to tell their story maybe not in a way they would’ve told it, but they trust her.

Archewell: she's not a journalist and she's not doing things like regular journalists would do. By doing that she wants people to humanize her again and say that "she's a real person, she laughs and asks question and approaches things with curiosity". (i haven't noticed any not rehearsed laughter and approaching things other than herself with curiosity, but self delusion is a beautiful thing i guess)

She’s not going back to acting. Actors playing The Duchess of Sussex in the future: it’s going to be a caricature of her made to make people a lot of money but she tells herself it actually has nothing to do with her.

The kids: they’re a part of a legacy and a tradition and a family that will have other expectations of them but she wants them to carve their own path, even if it’s in the entertainment industry. They’re, I have to quote because it took me out, "creating multidimensional, interesting, kind, creative people. That’s who our kids are”. (weird thing to say about two toddlers)

Average work day is they work together from home, eat breakfast with the kids, do joint work but also put divide their energy in separate projects to achieve more, Enrique works on a 24 hour time zone. He's a text guy, she's an email gal.

They love chocolate chip cookies and Enrique loves In-N-Out, they have a favourite and when they travel from LA to wherever they live, they like to have a drive thru and "surprise the workers" who they know their order already. She also says people think they live in LA but they don't duh, they're commuters 🙄 (how dare people from outside California not know the distance between Los Angeles and their house)

Thanks for the summary, Anon!

That was a lot of nothing basically aahahahahah but a few interesting parts.

Asked about how she feels after mourning she says she’s "energised and excited".

Energised and excited? After someone’s death? That’s….

The Netflix part is interesting. Wondering what “not in a way they would've told it” means.

They are already putting the blame on others for what a disaster that documentary will be?

About their kids, other expectations on them? I don’t think the monarchy has any expectations about them, sorry if it sounds harsh.

Creating? She meant raising? 🤦‍♀️

The rest is just a very a sycophantic interview.

#the suxs

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inkstainedhandswithrings · 3 months

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so I keep learning about The Horrors™️ of American healthcare and I keep hearing Americans talk abt this shit like it’s totally fine and let me tell y’all. It’s not. Apparently and ADHD or Autism test costs like 500$ for you guys? And then when you do get diagnosed you gotta think abt shit like “okay but do I actually need meds?” Bc apparently that’s a financial decision? But it,,, it shouldn’t be right? Right okay bc

I live in Europe, specifically Austria, and this is how healthcare works here: if you have a job you have healthcare. Your employer pays for it. They have to. It’s absolutely illegal and unheard of not to. They do take about 20% out of your pay-check every month to pay for that and other legal things that I don’t quite understand (my dad explained it to me once but I’m 20 so I still don’t get it bc I don’t really have to but every cent they take out benefits me I think so it’s fine).

Now irl this is a lot more complicated but basically, you have public healthcare and private healthcare and then just stuff that’s up to the government (like ambulance rides, I think. Even if you don’t have insurance u don’t pay for that. I know this bc an American friend of mine didn’t and had to go to the hospital and called a cab and when they told me I was like “??? BRO WHY NO AMBULANCE” this is also how I found out that Americans have to pay for ambulance rides. wtf.)

Basically your insurance covers all medical expenses from doctors who are in your network (public practice). This is your GP, hospitals, and pretty much all specialised docs (dentist, internists, cardiologists, etc.). However, the public offices are much busier than the private ones (obvi) so if you’re in a rush, want special treatment, or just be a little fancy you can CHOOSE to pay for private doctors. And even then you can hand in those bills to your insurance and you get part of the money back (abt 30% which you receive abt 4 months after handing the bill in).

If you keep your bills for private care doctors you can hand them in to,,, someone somewhere somehow (idk man) and get a bigger tax return. (bc we don’t calculate our taxes ourselves. it just gets taken out of your pay-check by your employer every month and then at the end of the,,, fiscal year??? I guess?? Idk man idk how shit works — you get any money that was like,,, extra (????) back)

Now you might ask yourself: “phi, why would I pay for doc if I can go to free doc?” Which is an excellent question. Again, for most people it’s about waiting times but there is one field where it just really makes more sense: mental health services. Private practitioners have less clients and more high quality care than public ones because they choose their own funding, which, surprise surprise, is better than public funding.

I will now take you through my own personal journey so you can have a practical example of how good healthcare CAN AND SHOULD BE (keep in mind here I have parents who after messing me up and being terrible but learning their lessen once I became an adult and told them how horrible they were are very supportive of me pursing my mental health)

When I was about to turn 20 I went to my GP and had a conversation with her about how I think I might have ADHD. She asked me about my complaints and agreed there definitely are symptoms indicating it. She wrote me a referral to a Psychiatrist. When I got to my Psychiatrist she tested me and because of the referral she could tell the insurance company that this test was necessary and not elective, meaning insurance payed for it in full and I never even saw that bill.

Now I had a diagnosis all but a week later. I spoke to my parents who agreed to support me in finding private care. My Psychiatrist charges 160€ (insurance returns 48€) per appointment which my mum graciously pays for. I see him once every couple of months to check in on my use of medication and how I’m responding and to see if my dosis needs adjustment. If and when I need a refill, I only have to write him an email. Before he could put me on medication I needed a blood draw and cardiac test, to ensure that I qualified for a stimulant, since they can be harmful in some cases. He wrote me referrals and I went to my GP and a public cardiologist for those tests, which were all free of ANY charge.

I was then cleared to take my meds within a few weeks (cardiologist had a bit of a waiting list). I was prescribed Ritalin and some sleeping pills by my psychiatrist. He gives me the prescriptions and a letter to the insurance company asking them to cover the cost, as I have a diagnosis which he confirmed again in his initial assessment of me. Now that I’ve gotten approved, all I pay for is the prescription, not the actual medication. Which is about 6-7€ for the Ritalin and 4-5€ for the sleeping pills (monthly supply each).

My Therapist is also a private doctor. She charges 120€ per session and I go twice a month, which is 240€ per month. My dad contributes 100€ and my mum contributes 30€, which means I’m down to 110€ per month. Insurance pays 30€ per session (so 60€ per month) so I pay a grand total of 50€ or 25€ per session.

So my medical treatment each month costs me just about 62€ AT MOST (since I don’t always need my sleeping pills refilled).

Now, just for fun, let’s assume my parents don’t support me and I see both my therapist and my psychiatrist in the same month and need both my meds refilled. This would come to just about 304€ (because of insurance deductions).

But you have to consider that I DON’T see my psychiatrist every month, so the more realistic monthly cost would be 187€. And should I decide I can’t pay for that I can still get on a waiting list for public mental health practitioners, in which case the only thing I’d ever need to pay for are the prescription costs for my medication which would still be up to 7€ for the Ritalin and up to 5€ for the sleeping pills putting the grand total at 12€ PER MONTH.

My family and I simply chose the quicker, more efficient option, but no one twisted our arm into paying this amount of money FOR BASIC CARE.

And yes, it’s a lot of bureaucracy (it took me WAY too long to spell that) and paperwork, but I’d much rather that than have to decide between mental well-being or being broke.

So, my conclusion: Cancel America, move to Europe, OR just tell the American People In Charge Men that it is that easy and they really should try a little harder and you citizens shouldn’t settle for the shit you have to put up with right now because wtf

if you wanna cry a little it’s okay lemme know I’ll come sit with you and offer a hug but you can say no if that’s not your thing

anyways love ya

phi

#I also found out that giving birth at the hospital could literally cost you your baby’s college fund #to which I have to say both hospitals and college are FREE here so #idk why people still live in America #I feel like it’s just politicians hating their citizens at this point #or some elaborate science experiment to see how much oppression and bullshit and classicism and ableism humans can take before they snap #and burn the world down #so #yeah #sorry America #</3 #healthcare #rant #tw mental health #tw health #tw healthcare #idk what to tw here so if you want me to add something dm me or comment ig #America #politics #Europe

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