#but i still wish i was good at socializing you know

[yuwuta]

hi 👋 bsf upstaging bf with choso???

ok i’ve gotten asks for pretty much every other jjk boy on this subject and i want to say something as an overarching theme: all of them ain’t shit. not a single one of them. there’s a scale, some (gojo) are worse than others, but in general, none of them really give a fuck, if that means upstaging, sabotaging, or straight up kicking your boyfriend to the curb so that they can be your boyfriend instead then so be it. but they’re not shit, NONE OF THEM!! but there is a hierarchy and different methods of execution and all that, so here’s where they stand 

president and ceo of not being shit: satoru gojo

why would satoru care about your boyfriend? in any and all universes, he is raised in a world where consequences mean nothing to him. so what if he’s a little rude to this guy? so what if he buys you a ridiculously expensive birthday gift that might be seen as romantic? so what if he offers to take you on a vacation that happens to overlap with your boyfriend’s birthday? the worst that will happen to satoru is nothing; the world bends to his whims, never the other way around.

it’s a combination of complete self-confidence + trust in you + getting joy out of bothering people that earns him this number one spot. he’s confident in every sense of the word, so he doesn’t see your boyfriend as a threat. even if satoru didn’t love you romantically, he wouldn’t see a boyfriend as a threat to your friendship either, because he has no doubts in himself—and to the second point, he doesn’t have any in you either: you’ve proven your loyalty to satoru, proven that even when he pisses you off, you still love him, even when you’re dating somebody else, you still make time for him, even when he’s being shitty and stubborn, you don’t kick him to the curb, you just pinch his ear and bring him back down to earth. he’s always chosen you, but you’ve always chosen him, too, so again, what’s to fear when a boyfriend is added to the equation? nothing, because satoru knows this guy can’t earn or replace the loyalty you’ve given him. 

and to top it all off, he likes watching your bf grind his teeth. he likes watching this guy have to hold his breath, because what can he say without sounding like an ass—he won’t ask you to tell satoru to fuck off because he hasn’t done anything wrong. treating your best friend to fancy dinners and exotic getaways and designer clothes is just nice when you have money—your bf would be pretty shitty to deny you that. and he’d sound insecure, too. and satoru knows your bf doesn’t have the balls to confront him, and even if he did he’d lose. it’d be embarrassing. so, satoru wins. he always wins. satoru engages in psychological warfare, and he has the physical strength, social power, and financial security to back it up, so he, literally, can never lose. and, sure, having your bf around is annoying, but it’s so much fun to watch other people lose that he lets the guy stick around for a while. you’ll get tired of him and run back to satoru eventually, and he’ll confess this time… hopefully.

vice president of not being shit: kento nanami

if you expected kento to be lower on this list, think again, because he is just as bad. he’s only second place because he’s not as overt, nor does he wish to actually taunt your boyfriend like satoru would. for kento, you’re just his number one priority. you always have been, ever since you came into his life; it was confusing at first, for him to care so much about you beyond an objective sense of responsibility, but overtime he came to realize that he way he wants to take care of you is different. he doesn’t just want to ensure your comfort and safety physically, he wants to make sure you’re taken care of emotionally, he wants to bear your burdens for you, not just help you through them.

kento is a good friend, a trusted confidant, a reliable person overall, and over the years, he’s inadvertently raised your standards. casual situationships and relationships where you’re not the priority become unappealing when you’ve had someone by your side for so long who’s treated you better than that. if your best friend can buy you flowers, and make reservations at new restaurants, and drive an hour to pick you up in the rain, and cook for you when you’re feeling sick, then why would you tolerate anything less in a romantic partner? these things are the bare minimum to kento, but most other men fall far below average; it’s hard for them to compete where they cannot compare. 

so when you do accept a partner, kento is skeptical at best. he knows that what he does for the people in his life isn’t necessarily special, but he doubts that your boyfriend is capable of doing even that—and even if he does meet the standards, he’ll be outclassed anyway. because kento is a good person, but he’ gotten really good at how to be good to you. your boyfriend might get you flowers, but kento already knows your favorites. your boyfriend might send chocolates, but he doesn’t know which ones you’re allergic to, and the brand you prefer; kento does, which is why the ones he bought for you are gone within the week, and the generic box sent over by your boyfriend was re-gifted to satoru. when you voice your doubts about a date your boyfriend mentioned wanting to plan, kento feigns interest, and then innocence when he asks if you’re busy a few days later, if you’d like to help him bake something instead—something he knows you’d much rather do. the short version is—kento knows you, and he uses it to his advantage. he uses the knowledge gained during your friendship to outclass anybody in your dating pool, and he does it so smoothly that it hardly seems intentional or harmful, but it is. which is why he’s just as bad, if not worse, than satoru. 

treasurer of being not shit: megumi fushiguro 

there’s actually no au in which megumi isn’t shit because no matter how you square it, he gets it from his daddy. whether he’s raised by just satoru, just toji, or some au where he has them both in his life—the common denominator is that they’re there. if megumi ever did confide in either of them about hating your boyfriend, both satoru and toji would offer the same advice: “can’t you just get rid of him? what’s he got on you?” which is absolutely not how you should parent a child...

megumi might have his doubts about his personality, but he’s never been insecure about his appearance. it’s hard to be when he looks like that, but also when he’s had either toji or satoru (or god forbid, both) in his ear his entire life. he might have some fucked up attachment issues and skepticisms about the general population, but he has a very secure view of himself. so, to start, he’s not impressed by your boyfriend, and is honestly a little offended that you think this guy is objectively more attractive, or that you’re more romantically/sexually attracted to him that you are to megumi—or even, any of your other friends. he’d rather you start dating nobara or yuuji, at least he could live with that because those are pretty people, but your choice in boyfriends… he’s not trying to be mean but you could do better. you’ve done better. 

secondly, megumi…. doesn’t care about him. at all. he’s not like satoru in that it brings him happiness to tease your boyfriend, he’s not like kento in that he skews your standards in his favor to nudge your boyfriend out of the picture; megumi literally does not care if this guy lives or dies. your boyfriend could drop dead and megumi would be like damn… that’s crazy… and move on with his life. which is a wild view to have of your best friend’s partner; and it also drives said partner to madness because why the fuck won’t your childhood friend acknowledge his existence?? but again, megumi doesn’t care that his apathy towards your boyfriend bothers him—megumi doesn’t see him, doesn’t know him, doesn’t care to know him, and it drives a wedge in your relationship. 

thirdly, megumi is, canonically, a bully to people he doesn’t like. if your boyfriend gets angered enough to the point of confronting megumi, or whining to you, then it’s inconsequential to megumi to hurt him, and he won’t hold back. also on the reverse side, if there was a situation in which your boyfriend was getting hurt or needed help, then megumi is not helping. megumi would probably just watch, or join in. 

after a while, megumi grows past apathy into exhaustion. he thinks you should do better, he thinks you should know better, he thinks he’s better. and he is. he’ll show you that. (also, he is most likely to try to seduce you into infidelity because he doesn’t care about your boyfriend, so you’re single to him). 

first secretary of not giving a fuck: yuuji itadori 

jealousy is something that yuuji used to feel guilty about, guilty enough to drive him to confiding in satoru/nanami about his feelings and seeking advice for how to deal with it, because he thought being jealous meant that he was being a bad friend to you. but neither of his mentors are shit, so yuuji learns to adopt the age old mantra: all is far in love and war. 

he’s better than satoru in the sense that he doesn’t antagonize your boyfriend, he’s better than kento in the sense that he doesn’t outwardly outclass your boyfriend’s efforts, he’s better than megumi in the sense that he does care about people outside of his immediate circle of friends, and as long as your boyfriend is a human, then yuuji will care about his life; but in all other senses, yuuji is surprisingly neutral, and in some cases, actually worse. 

yuuji has two things to his advantage that he absolutely abuses: his likability, and his strength. when it comes to likability, he can just play the friendly, nice guy card. wrapping his arm around your shoulder, twirling you around in a hug, pinching your cheeks, playing with your hair, laying on your lap—he’s just yuuji, he’s just being friendly, he’s just being nice. it’d be pretty shitty of your boyfriend to tell him to be meaner to you, no? ^.^ yuuji is also sneaky with this in that he uses it to say otherwise mean things under the guise of a friendly disguise, and people rarely think otherwise of it. (“it’s fine if you go to the club with us if your bf doesn’t want you to. it’s not like you’re gonna marry him” “aw man, are those boxes giving you trouble, man? not surprising, haha!” “you guys didn’t break up yet? aw... i mean... well, no i meant that, but come on, let’s take shots!” all said with a smile that looks like this 😇😇 on his face)

in terms of strength, it’s an unbeatable challenge for your boyfriend—because even if he gets pissed off at yuuji being too close to you, too affectionate with you, too sweet to you, what’s he gonna do? because he certainly can’t beat yuuji in a fight—he couldn’t even beat yuuji in a race, he couldn’t even beat yuuji at mario kart, so there’s nothing for your boyfriend to do but shutup and wallow.  

second secretary of not giving a fuck: yuuta okkotsu

does he need an explanation… does mr. “how rude, this is pure love” need an explanation… does mr. “i will kill itadori yuuji myself” need an explanation… does mr. “i won’t let sensei kill his best friend again, [i’ll do it myself]” need an explanation… hasn’t he already proved himself as the single most loyal and contently insane person on the planet… 

once you have yuuta’s loyalty, you have it forever. not even for life, because he’d find a way to transcend space and time to protect you in the next one. even if, for some reason, you didn’t want it anymore, you have it; yuuta’s love is final sale, no exchanges or returns. the only reason he’s not ranked to be worse than megumi or yuuji is because yuuta has one grave disadvantage: he is not normally confrontational, and is the definition of anxious LOL. he’d feel bad if he didn’t make an effort to get to know your boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean he has to like him... he can put up a front for you, though, if it means making you happy...

yuuta might know that he has feelings for you, but he’s honestly content with a platonic relationship if that’s how you choose to express it towards him. if you want to be friends, then he’s your friend; your love is that pure and vital to him, that he takes it in whatever form he gets it. he’s desperate for you in a way that has him completely at your whim; he doesn’t need reciprocity to love you, just knowing you, and knowing you accept his love is more than enough. keeping him around as friend, keeping him in your life, keeping him in your mind—that’s all yuuta could truly ever want. so, even when you have a boyfriend, it stings a bit at first, but as long as you still have the same amount of room in your life for yuuta, then he won’t do any harm to this guy. 

unless: (a) your boyfriend makes it difficult for yuuta to have access to you, (b) your boyfriend outrightly ticks yuuta off, or (c) the worst option, your boyfriend does something to hurt you or make you sad, then he’s off yuuta’s radar completely. he won’t confront, and he won’t intervene. but if any of those conditions are not met, even for a second, then your boyfriend is as good as gone and there’s little anyone, yourself included, can do to stop him. 

honorable board members: choso kamo, toji fushiguro, toge inumaki

everything about choso is on sight. it takes one wrong move, the slightest misstep, even a breath out of place and he will end your relationship and your boyfriend’s life if he has to. choso does not play when it comes to the people he loves, he won’t stand for you being hurt or mistreated in any way. there’s no subtle psychological warfare, there’s no shovel talk, there’s no blame game: choso sees something wrong, and he takes it upon himself to correct it. your partners have one chance to treat you right, or they’ll wish they hadn’t met choso to begin with.

toji doesn’t really chase people, but you have always been the exception. he hates to admit it, but he’ll follow you anywhere you go, not caring for whoever else you decide to bring along. if the journey of your life is a car ride, toji always calls shotgun, and he doesn’t really care who else gets in the backseat, until they ask him to get out of his—then there’s a problem. and he’s never once felt bad about turning some guy into a hitchhiker. 

the greater good should be thankful that toge takes a voluntary vow of silence, because if he said even half of the things that were on his mind, the world might, quite literally, be set on fire. toge doesn’t care—not like megumi, him not caring isn’t apathy towards the life or death of other people, he just doesn’t care what reaction his actions pull out of people. you’ve told him it’s annoying when he pinches your cheeks and steals your boba, but that won’t stop him from doing it, esp not when you look so cute when you’re angry. yeah, he knows people get annoyed by his pranks, but that’s whatever. he knows your boyfriend hates when toge’s around you, but he doesn’t care. if it brings toge joy, he’ll do it. honestly, even if it doesn’t bring him joy, he’ll do it because he wants to. he’s not immune to consequences like satoru, he simply doesn’t care about them! he’ll just deal with it, he’s got a high tolerance for it—your boyfriend, however, seems like a weakling, so toge will simply outlast him. he’s outlasted all the others :) 

#honestly depending on how you look at it megumi might actually be the worst but he can't be ranked higher than satoru #the student cannot surpass the master but gojo sure is proud when he tries! #i think i wrote about gojo giving the same advice to yuuta in declassified too LOL even tho there wasnt another love interest in the pictur #he's the true ringleader in all of this.... #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk fluff #jjk smut #jjk scenarios #jjk imagines #gojo x reader #satoru x reader #gojo fluff #gojo smut #megumi fushiguro x reader #megumi x reader #nanami kento x reader #kento x reader #yuuji itadori x reader #yuji x reader #yuuta okkotsu x reader #yuuta x reader #yuta x reader #choso x reader #toji x reader #toge x reader #jjk texts

[illicitghoul]

you’re instagram if you were in the BAU (p2)

prt 2 that nobody asked for 🥱 (this is so fun)

part 1 (linked below)

————————————————————————————

yourusername

liked by jen.jj45 and 46 others

yourusername JJ LOVE CLUB (i am also in jj love club but they all voted me to take the photo 💔)

pennycia and you did a great job 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

yourusername i love you pen 💌

pennycia I LOVE YOU MOST Y/N

derek.m0rg4n @spencer.re1d i love you

spencer.re1d Stop lying for social media clout

derek.m0rg4n fuck you AND your fuck ass haircut

prentiss.em LMFAO

prentiss.em we are such cuties some ppl wish they were us 🥱

yourusername @prentiss.em real asf

yourusername

liked by elliegreenaway & others

yourusername me and spence were conjoined jellyfish in another life

spencer.re1d Can we be anglerfish

yourusername no? wtf is wrong with you

spencer.re1d 🥱🥱🥱🥱BORING

r0ssi81 that is a very interesting photo

yourusername YOU KNOW HOW TO COMMENT?

r0ssi81 you’re pushing it girl genius

yourusername you’re pushing something…

r0ssi81 when i find out how to block someone you are gone y/n

prentiss.em this is quite cute y/l/n 😭

yourusername you’re quite cute 🤫

prentiss.em send me toe pictures 😂😂😂😂

yourusername NO EMILY!!!!!!!!! (ill email them)

yourusername

liked by spencer.re1d and 51 others

yourusername my cute glowing girlfriend (idk who that random man is 🤷‍♀️ kinda scary)

prentiss.em yeah that is really weird 🥱 anyway i love u wifey mwah mwah

yourusername ugh ily lets go frolic in a field or smth

spencer.re1d Yeah that is really scary - be careful guys

spencer.re1d OH MY I LOOK LIKE A GHOST 😁😁

jen.jj45 it’s like i can still hear his voice…

yourusername :( i miss his cute smile

prentiss.em 🎉

spencer.re1d @prentiss.em You aren’t funny

pennycia 😭😭😭😭

prentiss.em ok comedy police spencer reid????

jen.jj45 shes like an angel !!!!!!

prentiss.em I LOVE YOU JENNIFER 🙁🙁

yourusername

liked by aaron.hotchner and 37 others

yourusername i said serve and they devoured

spencer.re1d Slay !

prentiss.em y/n meant to say i devoured and you kind of chewed…

spencer.re1d Can you stop harassing me?

prentiss.em i kiss your girlfriend on days that end in y

yourusername TRUTH 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

pennycia what cuties!!! seeing their smiles makes me so happy!!!!!!

spencer.re1d You’re my best friend

derek.m0rg4n everytime you speak it breaks my heart

jen.jj45 HAHAAH WHAT

pennycia CRYING

yourusername

liked by elliegreenaway and 43 others

yourusername my bag broke before i left spences 🙁

spencer.re1d Sigh…. the theory for a broken bag means you have to stay where it broke 🤷‍♂️ i dont know i just heard that

derek.m0rg4n my bag broke in your heart… why won’t you let me stay

yourusername you ate with that one derek

yourusername broke bag mountain

elliegreenaway @yourusername LMFAO

pennycia i’ll fix it for you!!! come over girlie!!!

yourusername omw!!!!!

yourusername

liked by derek.m0rg4n and 49 others

yourusername day out with my four wives

pen : fanny pack with snacks and a book

jj : losing her mind (too warm)

em : complaining 🥱

me : having a good time :)

aaron.hotchner I hope you all worn sunscreen

yourusername yes 🫡

prentiss.em 🥱

pennycia i had a great day!!! (i read 3 pages)

jen.jj45 i am LOSING it the HEAT i am gonna COMBUST

derek.m0rg4n @spencer.re1d @aaron.hotchner @r0ssi81 could be us

r0ssi81 I am busy for the foreseeable future

dreak.m0rgan @spencer.re1d @aaron.hotcher

at least rossi replied…

#criminal minds #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #jennifer jareau #penelope garcia #aaron hotchner #david rossi #emily prentiss #derek morgan

[joachimnapoleon]

Aaahhhh!!! I've been obsessing over it lately and I thank you for creating your blog, it's very informative! But I would like to know please how Murat got along with most of the Marshals, I also read that he got along well with Bessiéres, reply when you can!

Sorry for the late reply, I haven’t had energy for social media for the past month or so. Glad you’ve been enjoying the blog though!

As for Murat’s relationships with his fellow marshals, I think in general the tensions/conflicts he had with several of them have been overblown. I’ve written a bit about my view of his relationship with Lannes before (here, and a little follow-up here), and I still remain convinced that they were closer than the ongoing mainstream narrative based on dubious memoirs. Murat also butted heads with Ney on various occasions during campaigns, but I don’t believe there was any deep hatred between them or anything like that, and they got on well enough during the 1812 campaign and seemed pretty much on the same page. Oh, but Murat, Lannes, and Ney were all hanging out at Bareges together taking the waters when Murat found out he was going to be the new King of Naples, so there’s that.

Murat’s relationship with Berthier is interesting and I wish I knew more about it. Early on, Murat (who was pretty prone to paranoia) was convinced that Berthier was his enemy, as a result of Murat having been critical of him. But their relationship seems to have grown better over the years judging from some tidbits I came across in some of Berthier’s letters to Murat. Berthier also serves as kind of a go-between when Murat is in Naples and Napoleon wants to criticize him and needs someone to word it in such a way as to not wound Murat’s delicate feelings too deeply; he takes a much more gentler approach while still making sure Napoleon’s points get through to Murat.

Murat doesn’t seem to have gotten along very well with Soult, but I think @josefavomjaaga has posted more details on that on her page before, I really don’t know much about Soult in general.

Bessieres and Murat were supposedly good friends but it’s just another one of those things that unfortunately doesn’t have enough documentation on it one way or the other. Most of their correspondence I’ve ever comes across has been very formal and businesslike. It’s also hard to glean too much about Murat’s relationship with Bernadotte either. They had similar political views early in their careers, and Murat invited Bernadotte to his wedding (I’ve always wondered if it was just to spite Napoleon, who refused to attend), but also expressed criticism of Bernadotte in a letter to Joseph Bonaparte for having refused to side with the Bonapartes during the Brumaire coup. I really haven’t found much else about their relationship at all.

If there’s one marshal we can say for sure Murat absolutely did not like or get along with, it’s Davout. These two were just oil and water, unalike in pretty much every fathomable way. Their relationship got so bad during the 1812 campaign that Murat’s chief of staff had to physically restrain Murat from going out to either challenge Davout to a duel, or maybe just to shoot him on the spot (Murat had just grabbed his pistol and was on his way out of his tent). When Murat dared to speak against Napoleon for abandoning the army during the retreat and threatening to leave himself, Davout upbraided him for “black ingratitude”. I’ve never found exactly how Davout reacted to news of Murat’s defection in 1814, but it’s pretty easy to imagine.

Thanks for the ask!

#asks #Joachim Murat #Napoleon’s marshals #Jean Lannes #Louis-Nicolas Davout #Michel Ney #Napoleon

[ewanmitchelll]

Imagine Arctic Monkeys’s songs (II): Fluorescent Adolescent.

Imagine you are Aegon’s ex who goes to his wedding… next to his brother, Aemond. What will result of this charming meeting (not to stay a different story)?

Warnings: (loosely?) based on this movie with Keanu Reeves and Wynona Rider.

Warnings 2: light reading, modern world, rom-com vibes.

***

• You used to get it in your fishnets. Now you only get it in your night dress. Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness. Landed in a very common crisis…

As you wait to fly to Dragonstone from King’s Landing airport, you still wonder why you are doing this to yourself. To accept Aegon’s invitation to his marriage to Miss Rhaella Velaryon, his cousin, feels like a complete exhibition of some lack of self esteem.

You think you’ve gotten over him, that you overcame the wounds of this relationship, but this doesn’t sound accurate, no. What you did in practice was stopping getting yourself drunk and going to parties where you felt like a sidekick character just to please him. Part of you admits that his breaking up with you did some good to you. You quit alcohol and started to lead a healthier lifestyle.

But now here you are. Waiting for the moment where you’ll hear a voice in the airport to call the passengers of the flight 321 (how original, you think) to get to their seats. And soon you will fly to see your ex-boyfriend marrying someone else.

As you wonder whether Aegon was really a good boyfriend, you don’t spot a taller, serious, cranky-faced man coming to your side. He is wearing a dark leather jacket and simple clothes, very appropriate for a two hours flight. The man is chewing a gun and is also in a nonchalant posture that annoys you for no reason.

“Would you please stop doing that?”

The silver haired man looks at you, somewhat puzzled by what you tell him.

“Excuse me, what?”

“You know. That.”

“What’s “that”?”

“The arrogant attitude as if you are standing there, contemplating many ways to bother people with your handsomeness.”

He could not help but laugh at your disastrous attempt of flirting. As you realize what you said, you get annoyed at yourself for your lack of social skills.

“If that is your way to compliment me, I appreciate it”, he chuckles. “But I don’t think this is the right way to get to someone.”

“Oh please.”

It comes out wrong, so wrong but you haven’t done this business for ages. Now that it occurs you as you contemplate the amusement behind this stranger man’s smirk, you notice he possesses lilac eyes.

A trait that only a certain family has.

Oh shit.

“You are a Targaryen”, you remark.

He looks rather bored at your observation.

“Indeed it looks so.”

“This means… you are going to the same flight as I? To Dragonstone?”

It then occurs you both an awkward perception.

“You are his brother, Aemond.”

“You cannot be…”, Aemond looks shocked. “Who…?”

“Y/N”, you sigh awkwardly. “His ex girlfriend.”

“Fuck”, is all he can say.

Thankfully the call for the flight interrupts this situation, but it appears that you are not meant to stay away of each for so long.

***

Aemond wishes he is somewhere else, but here he is, next to his brother’s ex girlfriend. You’ve got to be kidding me…

He watches as you struggle to open the bottle of water, wondering whether he should interfere since you haven’t asked for help.

Then, opting to ignore this awkwardness between you and him, he says:

“Need some assistance there?”

You shoot him a disdainful look, but what for? A few seconds later, you say:

“…Maybe.”

He chuckles, taking it and easily opening it before giving it to you. After a while, Aemond, too involved to let go of his curiosity, asks you:

“Why are you going to his marriage?”

Accepting that these two hours may be longer than planned, you sink in your seat, but take the thread offered.

“I need to put a closure in this.”

“He’s going to marry someone else who isn’t you. Shouldn’t this be a closure enough?”

You blush at his complete reasonable remark, unable to convince yourself otherwise.

“He invited me out of politeness and by the same reason I accepted it.”

“When someone does so out of politeness, my dear, it’s because it’s expected that you don’t take it.”

You tilt your head and Aemond seems to notice how nice is your y/c hair. He can certainly see how Aegon fell for you, though he’s not going to admit it.

“Oh please. What would you know about matters of etiquette being that arrogant, Mr Know-It-All?”

“Little wonder why Aegon broke up with you. This is a title far more appropriate to you, smart ass.”

And there you have it. For another hour and half you and him do not speak.

***

• Everything's in order in a black hole. Nothing seems as pretty as the past, though. That Bloody Mary's lacking a Tabasco. Remember when you used to be a rascal?

To you and Aemond’s dismay, your hotel room is next to his. Which means he’s going to be your room neighbor.

“Your heavy sigh is enough to let your distaste known, thank you very much”, you grumble, trying to avoid that unwelcoming sentiment of being unwanted.

“I did not say a word, barely so I sighed”, Aemond protests. “Goodness me, woman, not everything is about you.”

That being said, he walks impatiently through the door and you do likewise. But destiny is not over with you yet.

*

Aemond wishes you’d dress badly, to the point where your supposed beauty is omitted and he could have a reason to mock you. But his eyes linger at the dark, short dress you wear, noticing your well shaped curves… though stopping himself to lust after you even if your y/c hair is loose in cascade and your make up highlights the color of your eyes.

“Do I look weird?”, you ask, forgetting to disguise your broken pride.

“No, not at all”, Aemond answers you, surprised by what he is inquired. “Why’d you think so?”

“Because you are staring.”

Tonight, your former brother-in-law is looking rather attractive to you. He had got ridden of his long hair, having it cut short; he is wearing a nice polo white shirt and jeans that make him look fancy.

And you could not help yourself a surprising naughty thought at what would be like to ride him.

A thought you promptly dismiss, of course.

“Am I?”, he clears his throat. “Sorry about that, didn’t mean to. You are actually…”

Before he can say “beautiful”, to your disappointment he’s distracted by the presence of Aemond’s nephews. Jacaerys and Lucerys Velaryon, brothers of the bride.

“Nice to see you, Aemond”, so greets Jacaerys, and you swear you detect some irony behind his gallant words.

“The same, nephew. Looking strong I see”, Aemond smirks, wiping out the smug of the other’s face.

“I think”, you decide to intrude before this could end unwell for both parties, “that you should follow me in pursuing wine, Aemond. Good evening boys.”

As you lead the way out of trouble, Aemond raises his eyebrows at you.

“Really now, Y/N?”

“Yup. Aegon may be a rascal, but you have no reason to be either.”

Easily convinced by you, he pours some wine in his glass before taking a distant seat at the restaurant. Aegon is busy entertaining guests, and it’s when you spot Alicent arm-in-arm with a dark haired woman.

“That is her girlfriend”, you hear Aemond say when seeing where your curious eyes are wandering to. “My mother’s a lesbian. She had a huge crush on her stepdaughter and former childhood friend, Rhaenyra, my sister. But they never made it because Rhaenyra likes men.”

“Oh”, you blink. “I didn’t know that.”

“Aegon didn’t tell you the gossips of the family?”, Aemond muses sarcastically, placing a hand on his heart, feigning to be offended.

“I’m afraid he was too busy partying”, you say rather uncomfortable, taking the wine to your lips as you savor the sour taste of it. “This wine isn’t Dornish.”

“It’s not”, he agrees.

• Oh the boy's a slag. The best you ever had is just a memory and those dreams weren't as daft as they seem, my love when you dream them up.…..

Again silence hangs in between the two of you before Aemond gives you a look, studying you for a moment.

“He wasn’t a good boyfriend to you, was he?”, so he inquires after a while.

“No, he wasn’t. But I give him credit for trying.”

Aemond chuckles quietly.

“Kudos for doing the least.”

You smile at him. Perhaps Aemond isn’t as dull nor arrogant as you formerly judged.

“It appears I must engage in socially acceptable behavior”, says Aemond then. “To greet my brother and new sister-in-law and repeat expected speeches.”

“Expected only because you correspond to these expectations”, you nudge his sides.

“And do I have another choice on the matter?”, he scoffs.

“No one forced you to come, so don’t get at me for it.”

Somehow it surprises you both that these teasings do not end up in a clash of words. Aemond actually chuckles before conceding reason to you.

“That is very true. But I am a dutiful man, Y/N.”

Saying so, he moves away to greet his brother at last. You watch him go, already missing his company and the warmth of his presence.

The funny part about all of this is that, when looking at Aegon, you don’t actually miss him. And when looking at his bride, you feel rather oddly comfortable in getting at them to congratulate for the merry occasion.

Past is past, after all, and the aching of this ugly truth doesn’t seem to ache any longer.

***

• Flicking through a little book of sex tips, remember when the boys were all electric? Now when she's told she's gonna get it, I'm guessing that she'd rather just forget it. Clinging 'til I'm getting sentimental, said she wasn't going but she went still likes her gentlemen to not be gentle…

Aemond watches as you meet your former boyfriend with his now bride-to-be. Judging by your face and your body language, all goes well. However, there is still that expected discomfort as you greet them.

So attentive is he that he doesn’t see Helaena coming. She leans by his side, amused by what is going on right under her nose.

“She said she wasn’t going, but she went still.”

Aemond turns his eyes to his favourite sibling.

“How’d you know that?”

“We remained friends, Aem. Y/N is a really good person, Egg didn’t deserve her.”

“When does he deserve any relationship he’s in?”, Aemond snorts, partly playful, partly meaningful.

Helaena smirks.

“Don’t be mean, Aem. They look genuinely happy now, which is good. I never thought I’d see him settling down one day.”

Her brother doesn’t answer, eyes still glued in the odd trio. Miss Rhaella is very comfortable in her shoes. But of course she is, she has captured his heart. At what cost, though?

“How come they broke up?”

Helaena scoffs at him.

“Oh please. Don’t tell me you don’t know the reason why they are not together for some years.” And then she adds, after poking his sides. “Do I detect an interest in you, Aemond Targaryen?”

“Laena, darling. Often the wise in our family, don’t play the dumb now.” Aemond rolls his eyes. “I could never nurture any interest of the kind in my brother’s ex. Y/N is particularly irritating.”

And that is the last part you hear.

***

He doesn’t know why, but this prince who takes pride in never falling in love with anyone, nor ever chasing after a woman, is going after you.

You too cannot conceive the reason his words hurt you, but it takes little to comprehend that you’ve been vulnerable with this odd circumstance you spontaneously dragged yourself into.

“Y/N”, he holds you by your elbow, forcing you to look at him. “Didn’t mean to say what I said.”

You shrug your shoulders off.

“In the end you have a point, though. What kind of ex goes willingly to a wedding where she was only invited out of politeness? Besides, have you seen the embarrassed look in your mother’s face? She wasn’t expecting me there”, you scoff.

Aemond smiles at you, and you don’t like how it makes you feel—as if there’s hope in the horizon.

“I don’t think this is the case. She was probably expecting a scene. Not from you, of course, but most likely that Rhaella would be unnecessarily loud. Or even Aegon. Who knows? But definitely not you.”

That being said, walls are knocked down. It all settles for now.

“Well, you know what? I think I need some wine.”

“I take it”, so says Aemond. “It’s been a while.”

“Indeed it has”.

And you smile at each other.

***

The next day both of you are found in the same bed, except nothing really happened in the night before. You realize how nice it was to just cuddle him, that his scent was much fitter to yours… than Aegon’s. Such thought embarrasses you when you get back at your senses.

You panic internally and try to disassociate of his arms, albeit unwillingly. It’s when he opens his eyes.

Aemond too is shocked when promptly observing how one got tangled with the other… without necessarily having the need of taking each other’s clothes off. This perception sort of annoys him, though.

“Where do you think you’re going?”, he asks in a voice that gives you shivers. “It’s fucking early.”

“I best find my way back to my room”, you say, hoping not to sound too awkward.

“Mm”, but of course he cannot take it for himself. “Last night was good, wasn’t it?”

“It was”, you give him a soft smile, but something about your eyes makes Aemond smile at himself. “I just don’t think prudent if we are caught. People can talk.”

“Let them talk”, he gently pulls you back and you effortlessly fall into his arms again. “I think we could go for a horseback riding today before lunch.”

You smile at yourself. Aemond spots it and he smiles too.

“We could. Though I’m afraid I don’t do horseback riding.”

“I could teach you.”

“Do I detect malice in your speech, Aemond Targaryen?”

For the first time in many moons, this bad boy is genuinely brought to laughters.

“It really didn’t occur me at all, but if you’re up to it…”

You punch his arm playfully. But for a while you two just stay like this, lying in bed, sharing laughters as if you have been the best of friends.

***

“I hate how I feel like an adolescent again. I thought I’ve done this already. Countless times”, you remark.

It’s nine in the morning and you two are dressed like going to a picnic, not a fancy breakfast to celebrate the union of the families Targaryen & Velaryon. Maybe it’s not of either interest to participate it. Besides, the landscape is far more inviting than dealing with posh relatives.

The hotel is surrounded by nature. Large trees are spotted above a green hill, surrounded by lakes and some wild animals that every now and then stop by. Not far from it, is this large, crimson white house rent by the Targaryens to celebrate the marriage of Aegon and Rhaella. The said event will happen only the next day since the couple are very fond of celebration.

Uninterested in these endless festivities, you and Aemond are heading to the top of the hill carrying with nothing other than wine and bread, perhaps some fruits too.

"And here we are", says Aemond, surprisingly in a good mood.

You two sit on the grass and its your former brother-in-law who opens the wine bottle. You two share it as it is, with no need to use glasses for the purpose of savouring the red, warm liquid.

"It is a shame we haven't been acquainted properly", you muse after a while. From where you two are, you could still spot Mrs Hightower and her lover receiving the guests alongside Mrs Velaryon, who, you seem to notice, is accompanied by a dark, curled haired man who doesn't strike you as Mr Velaryon.

"Eh, I was a little busy when you were with my brother", and when following your curious gaze, Aemond smirks and adds: "That is Mr. Strong, by the way."

"Busy? With whom?", you tilt your head, eyes now locked with his purple ones. "I feel as if I'm missing something here."

Aemond cackles before lying on the grass. As he's on his elbows, you hate how your eyes scan his frame, taking notice of his body, his part-opened legs under an old pair of jeans and a random comfortable shirt that shows some of his well build muscles.

Fuck.

You lean to grasp a few grapes before suddenly finding interest in the cloudless skies.

"Well, that is Harwin Strong", says Aemond, ignoring the first part of the question you asked him. "He is my sister's lover."

"Oh."

"Oh, indeed. Where were you when our family messed up?"

"I have no idea, maybe we were busy breaking up", you shrug your shoulders.

Now you miss the long gaze Aemond casts at you. He notices your shapely legs, well reinforced by your blue velvet shorts. A mischievous thought occurs him at the thought of removing these shorts. Containing a sigh, but not holding back such sinful thoughts, he notices you have nice, firm breasts just by the stare he gives your blouse.

Desire seems unbearable. Useless to fight against, but he stops the urge. He must. For his sake.

"You deserve someone better."

And your gaze meets his.

"My brother was unworthy of you", and he, a careful, wayward man, is drawn to you.

You, likewise, are inclined to get closer to him. Is it too early to get drunk and do things you might regret? Where is conscience when you need it?

"And who is worthy of me? You?"

Aemond side smirks at you. You two are so close to bound in deeper waters.... when someone else comes in to ruin all, of course.

It's Alys Rivers, his ex-girlfriend.

***

•You’re falling about. You took a left off Last Laugh Lane. You were just sounding it out. No you're not coming back again.

You are quick to leave the scene. Tired to be someone else’s sidekick character, you know it’s the time to part and be the protagonist of your own.

It’s been too much humiliation. First to put a closure with a man who is marrying someone else. Second… to be able to fall for his brother in a matter of, what, a day and HALF?

You realize no one is missing you anyway. So you are leaving before ceremony even begins.

As for Aemond, it’s all going worse than planned. He wishes you’d have more time to spend together. But, in honesty, he doesn’t blame you for parting like this.

He never mentioned that he and Alys were not entirely… what word could capitalize it? Untogether? Does this word even exist?

Regardless. He’s taken by a strange urge of going after you.

“…you’re not even listening to me!”, the protestations of his now ex girlfriend are annoying him.

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn”, he responds rather coolly. “You’ve left me in balance for a while and now you think you can take me back? I don’t think so. Farewell, darling Alys.”

Saying so, he’s not wasting his time. These are crazy days, one might judge, where long relationships end unexpectedly and short ones may begin out of the blue.

Or perhaps not so out of the blue…

***

You are about to get in the cab when Aemond gets to you.

“Hey”, and once again he holds your wrist, thus making you looking at him. “Don’t go.”

“I can’t stay here”, you sigh dramatically. “You have unfinished business with Alys. I mean, been there, done that. Not really in the mood to rerun this movie.”

“No, this is untrue. Fuck, you are the most interesting girl I’ve met and look at me playing the fool here. Always the indecisive and vindictive, I want something new.”

Aemond doesn’t know where this urge comes from, but, unlike his brother, he is not willingly to let go of you so easily.

“And when this new goes away”, you counter argue him. “What then?”

“I am not leaving you. I am not Aegon”, he says rather anxiously. “Allow me to get to know you better, Y/N. We are going through this shit together.”

You tilt your head, but as if to shush any remaining doubts, like the adolescent he never was, Aemond pulls you against him and finally kisses your red lips.

***

It’s the wedding day. You are elegantly dressed in a pink gown that reinforces your curves and shows some collarbone. Your y/c hair is tied in a braid Helaena’d done it and you are wearing a pair of emeralds over your skin.

But you lose your breath when you see him, elegantly dressed in a black suit with a green tie. His hair purposely messed, he’s every inch the sobriquet he proudly wears.

Bad boy prince.

When his gaze meets yours, both of you know this day will be no good to either of you.

“Ready to be my partner?”

When your hands intertwine with his, so is your destiny for once and all locked with Aemond’s. One smile, one kiss. And what is meant to be a funeral is turned into something more beautiful for this unexpected couple.

#ewan mitchell #aemond targaryen #house of the dragon #aemond targaryen x female reader #aemond targaryen x y/n #house targaryen #Aemond Targaryen x you #Arctic Monkeys #Fluorescent Adolescent #rom-com fic #rom com fic

[shopcat]

been having the mother of all morality ocd spirals and the only way i can help it slash stop it is SAYING: tldr taikas been dumb but i still "like" him/(mostly ed) (who he plays). with a lot of flashing lights and disclaimers around "like".

And if you can. please like ❤️ <-👍👍👍 this post if you see it. (or you can unfollow me if you like no hard feelings but if you don't read the tags either i do Nawt support slash stand for the dumb shit he as an actor creator whatever says i think he does stupid shit)

#🐾 #i think he makes a lot of stupid comments but also a lot of things get taken out of context and he's targeted unfairly by .. ''the media'' #and twitter. and that does not apply to any of the reasonable criticism against hkm that i agree with #he has been antiblack and supported j*hnny depp however hollowly so and the current things he's been doing/saying #i think he's smart but also stupid and he's done good but also spread unfortunate messages #and people do love to dog pile him as in weird critics and movie fanboys not social media in general #like that thing where he said no one knows who directed casablanca and everyone got SO MAD #as if he wasn't saying it in the context of ''therefore i don't create movies to be known as the director. i do it to create.'' #AND finally the hundred flashing disclaimers are the typical you know me (i hope) i don't do celebrity stan culture etc etc #i don't support the things he says and don't believe in seperating art from the artist in general but do think he is a Good artist #and his work has brought a lot of meaning to me personally. i think he's a flawed guy who is attempting to do right #and says the wrong thing sometimes and should still be held accountable he's not a child etc etc #and his latest comment ie the podcast IS still stupid bc of its insensitivity bc of the current state of the world #and he already made a stance by signing the letter so being asked to clarify is seriously not the drama he may think it is #anyway. that's all i think #it's also not lost on me AGAIN that our flag is my spinterest and i am being a bit selfish here which is why i say you can unf if you like #i talk and think about this a lot sorry 😭 #but i do think in the grand scheme he is pro palestine he is attempting something or other i understand what he was saying even if it was #stupid and annoying but i know how he got there. i don't think there's such thing as liking an unflawed celeb or media #but you do put out what you wish to receive in the world and should support things critically as in thoughtfully #and who and what you choose to show support for can reflect onto you but at the end of the day if people think i personally stand for these #things and therefore dislike me well. that's fine i guess and i don't anyway so i'm also fine with it #sorry if this sounds clinical i feel like i'm reading from a handbook LOL #and of course like always if he ever goes over the line i will be able to extract myself immediately but the layers of weirdness here is #sort of messing with my mind. hence the ocd spiral. And one million tags #also ironically he also has ocd lol #basically. it's disappointing and i hope he does better. much like with anyone who isn't morally reprehensible to begin with #update from the future um. well thank you guys for putting up with my apparent manic breakdowns 😭 i don't even know why i made this post

[bibiana112]

Okay, so what is we know the devil and should I watch it? Because your reblog spam you do every so often has me intrigued and I would like to hear you talk about it if you want to

We Know The Devil is a short little indie game about three kids on a summer camp for "bad kids" that is clearly a metaphor for conversion camps and they are in charge of beating the devil with their magical girl radios, the devil is also clearly a metaphor for queerness since it's something they insist is "just a phase" and something the camp goers are encouraged to shame others for "letting into their hearts". It's a visual novel style html game iirc, the prose is really interesting, super weird and informal but full of meaning once you get the full picture and I love how the pov in it shifts depending on the ending and the segments after 3AM just feel like very poignant poetry I wanna chew on it, and the choices you get to make is which one of the trio of protagonists gets together in the end! It's marketed sort of as a choose your own ship kind of thing, and it totally definitely doesn't have heart wrenching character exploration of how it feels to be the one left out in that sort of trio dynamic, totally not :)

It really is super short and accessible, found a really good playthrough of it too if you'd still like someone making voices for the characters, I think I got an ending in less than two hours and all the endings take around the same amount of time, and there are four endings total. I call it the poly lesbian body horror game because it has very light but still eery vibes and because of that I wanted to save it to play on Halloween but I'm gay and full of gay thoughts at the moment so ended up playing it again this week akshsk still at only 2/4 endings though so I'll keep reblog spamming sporadically lol

#I listened to Daughter of God and The Dawn that Gxd Misplaced one too many times on my way to college #all the characters have very well defined perspectives and beliefs and motifs and it's just exactly the kind of thing I like #few very well defined very colorful characters (despite the game being in black and white) #those songs reminded me of that because ugh the amount of running themes from each character are so good and well illustrated in them #made me miss the source material #I think people perceive me a lot like Jupiter but I relate most to Neptune btw #that's just something I've been itching to write about #but I don't know maybe I'll get into it later? maybe not #but people have seen me try my best at like regular social things and school but when it comes to church things and moral goodness #then I don't think anyone who knows me would argue that the way I tend to view those things is more reminiscent of Neptune's approach #never had any internalized bs about being queer I just wish people would leave me alone instead of trying to fit me into their mold #and I don't know how to be nice about it even if they ''mean well'' #especially if they mean well actually fuck that #so yeah <3 #I got into this game because someone made a classpect analysis of them <3 #yo I did make the google forms about the aspect test to send you I just forgot about it. #just lwt me know if you still wanna take it and I'll send you the link •3• #a tag for asks #we know the devil #I need to put my tags for that game in order holy hell

[theamazingannie]

It’s very frustrating watching people who have clearly not been following this issue speak up about it in very uneducated ways and completely ruin their reputations by showing their hypocrisy

#so many celebrities I respected speaking out against the hamas while ignoring what Israel has been doing for DECADES #when all they had to do was be silent #if you’re not educated on an issue you shouldn’t speak out about it #in the age of social media activism that is so important to remember #I don’t even like talking about this particular issue because I don’t feel like I’m properly educated on it #it’s not one of the main issues I study and I don’t feel like I can speak out about it properly #but I’ve been following the news for years and trying to stay educated #and even still I just silently support Palestine because it is not my place to speak out #I just wish others who clearly don’t know what’s been going on outside this one horrible attack #who’ve been ignoring the numerous horrible attacks from Israel #I wish they would stay quiet or do their research #because I know that they can’t just actually believe that Israel is the good guys I really don’t want to believe that

[szczylpierdolony]

wish i had the type of depression where you party and do drugs and look sad in cinematic settings rather than the one where i never leave the house barely shower and lose any remnants of a personality ive left

#also thinking abt that post about how you live your life the way you spend your time #and all i do is be in bed and think abt how much i hate myself #and ig i just wish i were anyone else huh #either someone who smart or interesting or at least desirable #and instead im just really anoying and pathetic and not in a way thatd make ppl think im cool if i were a character #just weird and sad and too depressed to do anything #but at the same time it just feels like an excuse #bc everyone around is mentally ill too but they somehow manage school adn work and relationships and hobbies #and all i do is cry and have my best friend tell me she doesnt have the time to see me #which ik is true but at some point it just feels pathetic to ask again knowing she'll say shes busy #so its being surrounded by ppl who constantly talk abt mental illness and trauma and still feeling like the odd one out like ig i dont have #a good reason to be like this #im just lazy and i dont have much to offer #and im off of any social media except this and ig youtube but i just watch sims and jacob geller there #so i minimized ppl to compare myself to #but it still hurts that im at this age when i should be going out and partying and dating and being incapable of it #sorry if youre reading this btw

[andthebeanstalk]

Fear Street Trilogy (2021) does right what almost every other horror franchise does wrong and I love it very very much and I literally don't want to elaborate even though I could for like 10 pages because I wouldn't want to spoil anything! Just! One of the absolute best when it comes to the genre of ghost stories/slasher movies/nostalgic Halloween vibes, you name it. Instant classic.

[ID: a man yelling LET'S GO LESBIANS into a microphone and running down a street followed by a variety of lesbians.]

This image showed up when I searched the gif keyboard for Fear Street, and I cannot think of a more apt gif for these lesbian horror movies (eat it, Bly Manor!!!!)

#competent social commentary in horror movies - a comprehensive list: Fear Street. Candyman (2022). End of list #to be fair i haven't seen a lot of foreign horror and i have other modern black horror i gotta watch still. get out is good. #fear street #fear street 2021 #annihilation seemed to know what it wanted to say even if im not quite sure #it's just that horror movies usually have GARBAGE theming. incompetent harmful nonsense. #and fear street - which fair warning if you don't like gore it's p bloody - is the FIRST TIME I EVER SAW A NON ABLEIST SLASHER NARRATIVE #EVER. #after that was Candyman but only the newest one because THE THEMING IN THE OTHER FILMS IS FUCKIN FLAWED #horror movies be like you should be kind to black men and the mentally ill... BECAUSE THEY R ALL POTENTIAL MURDERERS #fucking bullshit #fear street is what every third ghost story fucking WISHES it could be #looking AT YOU BLY MANOR I WILL FIGHT YOU FOR DOING THAT ENDING TO ME #original #horror movies struggle a LOT with not actively fighting their theming with the very premise of the film #candyman 2021 also is excellent but way less campy and a lot lot heavier #PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN IGNORE THEMES AND THAT MEANS THEIR STORY JUST WILL BE A SMOOTH SLIPPERY THEMELESS HAIRLESS STORY #NO. #IT MEANS THE THEMES WILL BE DECIDED FOR YOU. AND THEY WILL PROBABLY SHOW YOUR WHOLE FUCKIN ASS #ESPECIALLY. ESPECIALLY!!!! IF THE STORY IS ABOUT A PERSON COMMITTING MASS MURDER! #someone has to be chosen to kill and be killed! someone has to be othered or demonized or redeemed! #who you choose for these roles and why and how is INHERENTLY POLITICAL AND THINKING OTHERWISE IS A FOOL'S ERRAND #THE ERRAND OF A FOOL #ALSO FEAR STREET IS ABOUT LESBIANS AND CLASS WAR

[astrxealis]

sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #unfortunately i doubt i will ever get therapy bcs i have this. thing. idk. but i believe in myself to just rely on myself? #and yeah i uhh can go on more about that BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS sorry i suck at explaining things. anyways #humans. interesting. i am fascinated by humans and myself and i'm tired of typing now GOODBYE anyways xiv music is so fucking good #and also idk how to interact w others sorry ..... i am scared of getting close to people bcs everyone i've grown close to has ended up #leaving me or i mess up! but tbh it's better now i think and also not as bad as i think but sorry i still have bad issues with. that #me saying i don't want to type anymore and then proceed to rapidly type out so many words oopsies #pls just do not PERCEIVE ME !! unless you want to ig but idk why you'd want to do that uhm #yk i like tumblr most out of all social medias bcs it feels like i can... sort of just be my weird self here! and it's not fully nice #and i still have anxiety problems and overthinking problems and whatnot which is evident by my 100+ notifs i havent checked since #christmas but that's not the point (?) idk whats the point honestly uhhhh nvm (??) #OH I LOVE FF SO MUCH tbh it's w/o a doubt still my favorite series ever but drake/nier is also up there for sure #which i think is amazing bcs i have yet to finish a game. and ive only like played idk 5 hours of replicant and automata #and then ive already spoiled myself on important aspects of all games but that helps ngl uh. i could explain but im tired of typing #ANYWAYS GOD actually noehgjbsejhbghjes i really suck w interacting w others i really wish i were better at all that #im not super introverted or shy im just kinda awkward and anxious but im a fun person and all and idk #and tbh its interesting thinking abt my personality... some parts of me havnt changed at all from a bit (/pos) like my lively. aspect of my #personality !! i was a bundle of energy and a little annoying (perhaps unintentionally but now i think its a bit more on purpose lol) #but the only person who really sees my true self is me. and the closest to that is lune. but even i dont know who i really am #and yeah... wnvr im like woa ill make more friends !! and then when i have the opportunities i suddenly dont care anymore IT SUCKS #anyways i think i have Opportunities now again so lets see haha ?? at least uhh in school. its like 2nd sem and i dont rlly have friends #as usual haha that sounds so sad help BUT its not like im disliked im just rlly quiet and shy at school..... throwback to 7th grade tho #that was rlly the worst but also now is just as bad in a diff sense but back then i cldnt talk w my crush at ALL i didnt speak at all im so #sorry about that HELPPP I RLLY JUST CLDNT SPEAK anyways moving on in my class rn i do have a group of sorts. like #we're grpmates wnvr theres grpworks and we can pick which is nice! ive been classmates w em all b4 and theyre the cool kids #but in the more fandom sense and one used to be a close friend of my twin and of mine too by extent and then the other was someone #who knew me when i was more extroverted so yeah uhhh anyways #OKAY ALMOST MAX TAGS im DONE rambling. bye. hopefully. bye. oh god

[navramanan]

Dont know which would be worse

#having only myself to blame or being able to point fingers at my parents #sometimes i do both. i blame myself but also my parents but then i look at my sister who had the same parents #and she still has a more fullfilling social life than i do #she has her few friends but her friendships are so fulfilling she doesnt want any more #and then you have me fighting tooth and nail to meet new people #and still feel incredibly lonely most of the time #i love the friends i have but i feel alone regardless #it's like i dont have anyone to really count on. which is selfish. but i've always felt like a reserve friend #if that makes sense. like ''she'll be there regardless''. like i'm in a reserve room incase anyone should need me #i'm convinced there's something wrong with me. something i just cant manage to do right #i know i shouldnt hold on to the past but how if it affects my present #i always feel so awful when i see and hear about the concept ''friendships formed during childhood & adolescense are the most special'' #and everyone i know left that phase with a best friend. and a couple good friends #and i left it feeling like i just. you know how schools are crowded places and you exit from the door and everyone goes home #i felt like while everyone was leaving with at least someone i was leaving it alone #like watching everyone walk away with each other and i'm walking out alone #like. like i was just surrounded by so many people when did it become so empty #i wish i had at least that one person with whom i have that very special bond #i feel like i have no one to really count on. no one needs me while i need someone #i'm scared of my future too like i'll remain this lonely for a long time. bc what will happen with me #when i've already lost my chance in school and uni #uni was atrocious it started with covid and all my classes were completely online the first two semesters #i somehow managed to make three friends that are very dear to me #but as i said. i'm looking for that one special connection and i think this search for it will be my demise 🤣 #anyway i feel like if i continue it will get less comprehensible #nesi rants

[nevermorse]

/vent:

fucking hate talking about the pretty/ugly divide with pretty girls. they always have the best intentions i know this but the rest of us aren't conventionally attractive or pretty the way you are & they refuse to acknowledge that & it's nauseating because you know they don't truly believe it but they keep saying "noo omg ur soo pretty & cute blah blah". like no, i'm not, & it's okay most day but just please stop saying lies out of pity or whatever it is?

#like can't you be objective for one second ffs #if i was all that how come i don't get any attention from strangers? or whatever else but how come no one is into me lol #this sounds so needy & whiney but i'm actually serious. you think ugly girlies get hit on in hospitals? or in town walking around? #even excluding the irl scenarios #like when was the last time someone hit me up on twt or insta (where i occasionally post pics & i look good in them too) #never thats when #& this fucks up my image so much because i now hold 2 contradictory ideas: #1. i understand that im pretty in my own way & to those who look or are actually into my whole thing #2. i also believe that since this has been happening my whole life then every piece of attention i get/will get is going to eventually end #it's always a lie i can't believe anyone who says things like that to me #i know people have a tendency to hate the way they look & nitpick every single detail #but jesus fucking christ if you saw any ANY picture of my face taken by someone else that's not me #you'd understand #i'm not exaggerating either #they think their social inconveniences count as them being ugly? or if they dont wear makeup that theyre ugly? #like i wore all types of makeup & i always fuckign always look like absolute shit #& they all look like goddesses with makeup & still look great without it too #i dont think im jealous #but i wish i could change my face #i wish i could be someone more than a girl best friend to someone #fucking shit fuck #ihml #vent #ugly

[clamorybus]

i should've gone to college

#i suck at school so bad and id be 1000s of dollars in debt but the rest of it would've been good for me #being independent. talking to people. etc #mickey.txt #its hitting me really hard again. that im almost 25 #quarantine started when i was still 21 #aside from my one job last january i haven't really interacted with people outside of my family in years #i feel like im so far behind where i need to be mentally and socially #and because i can't drive i can't do much about it #ive said it before but my homelife is very comfortable and stable #and its hard to complain about napping with my dogs everyday #but i know i can't live life like this forever #but i don't know what the next step to take is i feel so far behind #i really wish the pandemic never happened #i had a job for once. i was starting to make connections. i had money #but now i have nothing #well not NOTHING #but you know what i mean #i feel like such a lump of a person #like im a passenger of my own life #im not *miserable*. but im so far behind and im really scared

[dreamcast-official]

fuck it. fuck it. i dont care. i dont actually care

#vent in tags #im gonna add some filler tags bc this is the first time i think a vent in tags is actually. serious and might be upsetting. so. ur own risk #idk whens good enough. fuck it #its gonna be my abusers birthday in a few days. #and i heard that she mightve killed herself last year #i dont know. not like i fucking kept tabs on her. i didnt care. #but my friend who used to be a mutual friend with her said her last post on social media was very depressed. and in may of last year #and i know what type of person she is (was?) #she. might be fucking dead #and. i dont. know how to feel about that #on the one hand. i dont give a fuck anymore. she hasnt been something i think about since her last attempt to stalk me #on the other hand. idk. i guess she still has some power over me. because i feel like its my fault. #i heard from someone that everytime she posted on her whatsapp status it was about me and how *i* ruined her life #idk. i cant help but feel like. if she really is dead. it was all my fault. i know thats not true but. god it fucking feels like it #why do i still care. she fucking ruined my life why do i care if shes alive or not. #for a long time i said i wanted her to be dead. that i wished she wouldnt bother me anymkre #but now that thats an actual possibility. god i dont know what the fuck to do #and i cant talk about this with anyone because i never told anyone about what she did and i dont think i could #i guess she finally followed through with all those times she threatened to kill herself because of something i did. #to be honest. good fucking riddance. fuck you julia

[the-trans-dragon]

.

#being a person makes me feel such strong and unpleasant emotions lately #I don’t even know what the emotions are. they hurt tho. #irritated? depressed? wounded? betrayed? belittled? is belittled an emotion even? #what’s the emotion for ‘hurt by people actively choosing to deny my autonomy and competence’? #angry? sad? #it isn’t an Energetic Emotion like anger. it is not a fire; it is liquid and deep. it seems unmoving but it’s actually writhing painfully #some kind of bottomless pit of lava that is too hot to touch and too bright to look at #I know I’m not the protagonist of the story of Human Pain. I know most people deal with some kind of bigotry or discrimination. #I just… I really wish my pain wasn’t caused by other people Actively Choosing to hurt me. #little things like customers who are rude and snappy and impatient. #bigger things like that customer who always refuses to come to my register even though we’ve never interacted. #bigger things like knowing my peers think I’m too stupid to admit my AGAB (I know what my body looks like! stop presenting it to me as #evidence that I am wrong! I am presented with my own body every day and I’m still trans! my body is obviously not capable of changing my #feelings about my gender!) #little things like… my efforts to be a good person will never be recognized because people genuinely think I am something demonic. #I guess maybe that’s a bigger thing lol. #as an autistic person I try really hard to connect with others and learn to navigate social situations #learning when to make eye contact and when to stop. when to address a joke and when to play along with it more #apologize for this thing; but if you apologize for that it’s rude somehow. how to smile all the time. how to vary the tone of my voice so I #don’t sound robotic or rude or lazy. how to help someone without making them feel stupid for needing help. #constantly daily always actively Researching and Documenting and Analyzing to try to participate in society. and it #it does help… but it is fully overridden by transphobia. #I am really lucky I have my partners 💜 otherwise I’d assume I’d never find people who like me #it’s so nice to not Autistic Mask around them. to not hide my gender or anything. #sorenhoots

[woodnrust]

I will not lie I cried three times watching Mr.Harrigan's Phone. That being said when I went to review it on letterboxd I did not expect such low ratings and a lot of people were saying it was bad cause it was anti-technology but that is not what I got from this movie At All so I'm wondering if maybe I'm not processing this movie right cause I'm too hung up on the death scenes or if everybody else is just bad at analyzing this movie.

#jelly.txt #okay spoilers up ahead if you're planning on watching but anyway. i've never read the original story so i don't really know how #stephen king originally meant it to come off as but personally in the movie i saw it less as anti-technology and more as a #'be careful what you wish for' type story. like sure there are some scenes where the voice-over describes how mobile phones #have caused corps to get greedy and put valuable info behind paywalls and has changed the way we socialize with each other #whether for better or for worse (but mostly worse) but it's like. it's not anti-tech to say the internet is wasted potential #not once in the movie did they ever say 'phones bad! old stuff good!'. what they DID say though is that all the information of the world #being at your fingertips makes way for misinformation. and that the knowledge that can be found in a book can outlast technology #and it's not wrong!! it's not wrong to say that information that is made with technology will not last forever!! this is true!! #there's still plenty of people in the world who rely on or prefer physical things over digital!! that is not anti-tech!! #this movie is about a haunted fucking phone you guys. haunted. phone. remember that. and then read the letterboxd reviews