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#but i still think eren and mikasa deserved better
leviismybby · 2 months
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"Pregnant?" Connie's mouth drops as you and Levi make the announcement. You kept your pregnancy a secret for long enough and your belly was starting to show too much, they would've figured it out anyway. Sasha stops eating, her eyes go wide, Jean next to her tries not to smile, he definitely wants to say something inappropriate. Before he gets the chance to, Armin speaks. "Congratulations captain and name!" He smiles at both of you. The tension at the table was awkward as you knew that some of them didn't even know you and Levi were dating.
Mikasa doesn't say anything but you can see the slight smile on her face meanwhile Eren looks like he is having some sort of flashbacks. "Congrats." He says, his green eyes shifting from his food to your belly, which makes you question a few things but you smile back and nod your head at him. "You know Captain for humanity's strongest soldier you sure don't know how to pull-ow!" Sasha stomps on Connie's foot under the table and Jean laughs. "Be mature for once will you!" The brunette says to him with her mouth full of food. Levi rolls his eyes at the banter, he really didn't want to tell them. It's not because he doesn't trust them but he thinks that it's safer for you and your baby if less people knew.
"You're the one to talk! Your mouth is full of food." Connie bites back at Sasha and she just continues to eat. Mikasa turns to you. "Congratulations. I still don't know how you keep up with him." She says, her and Levi did have a bumpy relationship but you know that she doesn't mean it in a bad way. "Well now I will have to keep up with two..." You chuckle. "Can we name it?" Jean asks. "Absolutely not." Levi doesn't even let him think about it. "And from now I want you all to be careful around name, is that clear?" They all nod at Levi's command.
"It's a boy." Eren says, he has been awfully quiet since you said that you were expecting a child, the whole table turned to look at him. "I mean, I think it's going to be a boy." He says, looking down at his food. Sasha shakes her head. "Nuh uh, it's definitely a girl!" They all start to place bets and Levi sighs, he whistles to get their attention. "You're not betting on a the gender of my fucking child. Now, after breakfast, I want to see all of you train extra hard understood?" "Yes, captain!" They all say in unison, Armin sheepishly looks at you. "I agree with Eren, I think it's a boy. I read that boys leave all the beauty to the mother and you're glowing Name." You smile at him, Armin always was sweet, well most of the time.
"Right, can you guys please keep this a secret? We don't want everyone to know." It's a simple request that leaves your mouth. They all nod, this went better than you thought it would, most of them are happy but Eren's reaction lingers at the back of your mind. "Listen when the little Ackerman terror is born, can I be the godfather?" That's a question that throws Levi off guard, especially since Jean asked it. "No, I want to be the godfather! That baby deserves someone fun as the godfat-" "Neither of you." Levi says, pinching the area between his eyes. "Now, off to training." Standing up one by one they all make their way outside, Mikasa approaches you. "If you need anything you can let me know." She says and you can't help but smile at her. "Thank you, Mikasa."
As the room clears, Levi turns to you. "I am surprised that none of them asked how kids are made." Laughing at these words, you shake your head. "They are all 17-18, Levi. They know all too well by now." You can still remember how traumatized Eren and Mikasa were when they found out, to your surprise, that Armin knew despite his two confused best friends. "Yeah well, all of them are still brats." He kisses your temple and then your belly. "I'll see you two later." He gives you a quick kiss before heading out to training. Your hand goes down to your belly and you rub the bump, in this time of war and hardship, a baby will surely bring at least a bit of happiness into it all.
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hoonphobe · 5 months
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there’s so many points i need to make abt aot, eremika, and eremin omfg. i’m just gonna bullet point it.
the last two eps are probably the most in depth mikasa’s character has ever been. i’ve always disliked that her whole personality was pretty much being devoted to eren and that she’d only ever be seen as her own person in very small increments. like even when eren wasn’t present. her character had so much potential and it was kind of wasted. she deserved so much better like how is the fmc one of the least developed women in aot
i was never the biggest fan of eremika because imo they lacked a lot of vital chemistry needed for a relationship especially on eren’s side. eren cares for mikasa deeply but i could never see it being romantic. i feel like every “advancement” eren’s made towards mikasa some other outside force caused that. like armin having to tell eren that mikasa deserves better because she’s liked him for so long and he never returned those feelings idk it feels so forced
eren’s relationship with armin is MUCH deeper than the one he shares with mikasa and it’s shown in both the anime and the manga. him and armin have always connected on a deeper level because they share all their burdens, the same dreams, they completely understand eo better than anyone else. if eren ended up with anyone it should’ve been with armin.
i think eremika had potential. if eren had a deeper connection with mikasa like he did with armin it’d make sense why they’d end up together. i’m aware that everyone has different relationships with others and love presents itself in different ways, but eren has always been someone that wears his heart on his sleeve so i find it hard to believe that he’s never express himself to mikasa once even if it’s not directly. i feel like since mikasa loved eren so much they used that to imply that eren loved her the same way which is very cheap and lazy imo.
i feel like there was sm eremin erasure after eren’s death like they had a whole conversation abt how they’ll always be together even after death and yet the only person we see reunite with eren is mikasa. i have no problem with eremika reuniting at all, it makes sense since armin was the last of the trio to die, but not even showing them all reuniting is so sick
i understand the sweetness behind mikasa being the one to help eren forget abt the stress he has, but i think it’s more powerful that armin has always been someone to not help him forget but to support him through every hardship he encounters. aot is a series abt how eren took extremely drastic measures to achieve freedom for his friends and his people, he literally committed genocide, he needs someone blunt to tell him that the decision he made was utterly stupid, that although he did it for a greater cause he still did an act that’s truly unforgivable. armin was the only one who could truly resonate with eren in that aspect, the only one who could “forgive” him because eren did it all so that armin could achieve his dream after his had already shattered.
i understand that eren confessing that he didn’t want mikasa to end up with anyone else was meant to be used as a double kill if he likes mikasa and that he’s very vulnerable, but i just feel like it was very forced. armin using it to get eren to let out his true emotions made no sense to me like armin has never used mikasa to stir eren so i find it crazy that he’s use it the final time he’d ever speak to him
and yeah those are most of my opinions, you don’t have to agree with them or are they supposed to be taken as a fact because they’re not!
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bluebird722 · 18 days
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Giving a Chance
Summary: He thought that his feelings would go away after the three years. He worries that she will not give him that chance. An imagining of the final episode.
Pairing: Jeankasa, implied Aruani
Rating: K
AN: So the inspiration for this story was born right after I began scrolling through AOT posts on Instagram (since I started following Jean's, Mikasa's, and Pieck's English VAs' accounts) and saw how downright nasty people can be to each other in the fandom! Anyone who even mentions Jeankasa faces an enormous wave of protests from Eremika shippers, people attack each other for suggesting that she deserves to move on and be happy even without him, and commentors fight over the whole "virginity/flowers" symbolism. It got to a point where (aside from not wanting to look at even AOT fanart anymore) I thought if Yams intended for Jeankasa to be endgame, why not illustrate how it could have evolved? How could a character continue to love the one who saved her life and still develop a loving relationship that would give her joy? I hope you enjoy reading of it as I had dreaming of it and putting pencil to paper.
Jean eagerly combed back his hair and tried to conceal his excitement that, after three long years and the most trying years of his life, he was getting closer to the dream life about which he had been dreaming for years. Any time that something was not going as intended or he missed home, he thought about what he still needed to do: get his dream apartment, find the right woman, save up for the best liquors, have a baby or two, and contemplate that he was good enough of a person to deserve those fortunes. 
For whom am I trying to look good for? he thought to himself, reflecting on Pieck’s question. Not just the ladies who will read history books one day–but good looks and good vibes go hand in hand, he thought with a smirk. All they needed to do was meet with the Queen and other diplomats, and then a visit to the grave, and then…whatever else he needed to do before his dream life–much better than if he had joined the Military Police as intended years ago–could finally begin.
Then they arrived back to Paradis, wrapped up their meeting a little before twilight, and made the trip to the grave, where Mikasa was waiting for them at the bottom of the hill, and Jean felt like the atmosphere had crashed around him.
As Mikasa embraced Armin, who practically lifted her off her feet in their hug, he noticed how much she had changed, from her hair length to the style of her clothes now that she had given up the way of the warrior. He had rarely seen her in anything both so casual, so feminine, and so civilian, so the combination of pink and blue gave her a new aura of beauty. She even grew out her hair, the long hair that he remembered adoring when he first met her. 
She’s still so beautiful, Jean thought to himself. However, that was not the moment to think about that. Now was the time to mourn their late friend, who died for freedom. 
Jean managed to concentrate on the burden and peace that Eren had left for his beloved friends to save the destroyed world and make it better, but somehow it was easier imagined than experienced. It’s all right, Jean, he thought. Soon Paradis will be at peace. Maybe one day we can imprison or reprogram the Yeagerists, and my family won’t have to live under the Queen’s protection anymore, and then I can focus on having the perfect house and family…
Then he looked up at Mikasa, who was comforting a weeping Armin, and felt a sudden heavy pressure in his chest. All those feelings that he remembered having since they first met and stifled every time he saw how she had feelings for Eren, and feelings that he continued to suppress until they didn’t give him a dull ache in his heart, came back.
Jean gazed at her out of the corner of his eye as they waited to lay down flowers. She had already set down four–the number meaning that nothing would separate the two of them. Even after everything that Eren had put her through, risked for their loved ones, and inflicted upon the outside world, she still felt the same about him. 
For three years, he thought that he had gotten over Mikasa even at the mention of her name. Then just the sound of her voice and the change in appearance unlocked what he thought was long gone. 
***
The ambassadors were to stay in an undisclosed house until the Queen was certain of their outside safety. Connie, Armin, Reiner, and Jean shared one half–two men in each room–while Pieck and Annie had their own, with a kitchen between for heating tea and a bathroom for each group. After visiting Eren’s grave and a quiet dinner with the Queen, the ambassadors went to their undisclosed house while Mikasa returned to her own that the Queen set up for her and in which she was safe after returning home from Marley. Mikasa, however, was not ready to return yet. She visited with the ambassadors, caught up with them over tea, and informed them of how much worse the Yeagerists had grown. Some Paradi natives were willingly moving out of the island in hopes of finding a better life in a foreign land. This unsettled Reiner and Pieck, who planned to move back to Marley, while Annie was uncertain about her future. 
“As long as we’re together,” said Connie, “do you think…we could survive this?”
Only Armin was fully convinced, but Mikasa expressed hope that it was possible. 
***
Groaning, Jean kicked away the blanket and sighed into his pillow. Sleep could not come to him for two hours. It was black outside, and his body ached with fatigue. 
Careful not to wake up Reiner in the other bed, Jean carefully opened the door and walked barefoot into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and looked at himself in the mirror, with his preferred stubble length and the hair that remained polished and well groomed even after a long day. 
Then he unbuttoned his shirt, turned on the faucet, splashed cold water over his face twice, and cried harder than he ever did in his life. 
For goodness sake, Mikasa, he bitterly thought, which made hot tears run faster down his cheeks, why can’t I get over you?! It’s been three years, and I thought things would change! If you wouldn’t change, I could… It’s been three years, and I still think about you that way! I still dream about falling in love with you, imaging you as my life partner, the mother of my children—things that I never imagined until we were getting ready to stop Eren!
Jean weakly looked at himself in the mirror. I could be everything you want, everything you need, but I’m not him! I could give you everything I have and more, but you would still love him more than anything else in the world. If you could have your way, you would bring him back to life and have a life with him–a life…a married life that I would not want with anyone I didn’t feel as I did with you! He hung his head and sobbed. Why can’t I let you go if you don’t want me?
I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life alone, he thought. You deserve love and peace, to know that there are people out there who love you and only want the best for you! Even if you gave me a chance, I would never tell you to forget about him! I would still take you to visit his grave, I would never make you get rid of that scarf, and if you ever needed to miss him, I could spend hours awake at night with you for as long as you needed it…
Jean took deep, haggard breaths and let the tears fall with the droplets dripping from his face and hair. I could be everything you want and need, but I’m not him.
***
The conferences with the Queen and the island’s earliest cohort of allies continued on for about two more weeks, leaving the ambassadors exhausted every night. It was more tiring than if they fought the Rumbling all over again, but their temporary house and tightened security gave them some assurance that things could change for the better. Dinners in which Mikasa joined them sometimes helped, though it only bothered Jean even more. 
Fortunately, despite the Yeagerists taking over the island, the inhabitants continued to live as before everything changed. With mainland influence came new fashions, new technologies, new music, and new food. Two days before Reiner and Pieck were to board a steamboat back to their birth country, the alliance decided to go to a street festival and see to what extent the cuisine and fashion were growing on the island. 
Jean tried not to look at Mikasa, who stayed at Armin’s side the whole time, as they walked around the festival. Some vendors were selling different flavors and types of bread, the people at an ice-cream stand were handing sample cups to about five children to taste before choosing what to buy, and, to Connie’s absolute delight, a vendor was selling various kinds of fried chicken, which he had become obsessed with while staying in Marley. 
“What do you think, Mikasa?” he eagerly asked the black-haired woman who blinked at the different options like she couldn’t comprehend how people could make so many ways to make chicken taste different. Fortunately, Annie said that they would have one of everything just to let Mikasa try one of everything, from mild to spicy to sweet. 
Jean sat on the opposite side of Mikasa when she and the alliance sat down with all kinds of chicken. Some of it looked gross, and some smelled so appetizing. Watching her eat from the chicken bone was kind of amusing, in Jean’s opinion, as were the faces she made. Some were too sweet, some seasonings could go together, and even some of the spicier ones were rather good. Annie, naturally, selected the ones sweetened with brown sugar and caramel flakes; Connie wolfed down his meal–one of everything, like Mikasa’s–and went back for more. 
“So tell me more about the foods you ate in Marley,” said Mikasa to everyone, “and what you got to eat that I didn’t have when I…when we first went there.”
Everyone had a story to tell. Armin recalled trying grilled and fried and sauteed duck, and attempting to make his own. Connie talked about something called a sloppy joe that was messy but downright delicious. Jean mentioned escargots and how people flavored the snails. Annie, Reiner, and Pieck said that one day, hopefully soon, Mikasa could go to Marley and not be limited to just vanilla ice cream; Marley sold, and continued to make, drinkable ice cream called milkshakes offered in many delicious flavors like chocolate, peanut butter, fudge, and caramel. 
Mikasa nodded along and was full after eating all the chicken, but she was so glad to try each flavor. “I will definitely taste each one,” she said quietly. “I just can’t believe that we missed out on so much.”
Jean shrugged but grinned. “That’s why, when I meet the right woman and have children, I’m taking them to events like this so they can grow up experiencing everything that I would have really liked when I was a boy.”
Most of the alliance smiled, but then Jean felt the blood drain from his face. Why did he have to mention a family, children, at that moment? Sure, he knew that adults had an expectation on children to grow up and become parents, and Jean knew his parents felt the same about him, but to actually realize that a family life was something he would like even though he never really imagined one for himself until the Rumbling was starting, when he used an imaginary future as an escape from reality, struck him almost painfully. 
Well, he thought to himself as they started talking about something else, just remember–it’s not worth having a family if you are not happily partnered with someone who wants to be your partner on the biggest project of your life. Then he looked at Mikasa and the scar that he remembered from his dream. It just wouldn’t be her, since she wouldn’t want to have had a family with anyone else.
***
After Reiner and Pieck’s steamboat faded from view, Mikasa accompanied the remaining alliance to the shared house, with the Queen’s security team, to spend the night and rest so they could wake up early the next morning to reunite Connie and his mother. Annie, who had decided to start over with her life in Paradis but hoped to visit her father soon, ordered cookies and tiny cakes to munch along with their afternoon tea and sat by Armin’s side the entire afternoon. Jean, who had cooked for everyone omelets like his mother had taught him, knew that Armin was jittery about their seating position but still could not wash away that horrible feeling of jealousy. 
It was a nice, sunny afternoon that day, so Jean decided to finish his work outside and conclude the day’s sunlight with his sketchbook and charcoal. Drawing was like reuniting with a friend long separated since childhood. Jean appreciated how much bigger the city appeared now that the walls were gone. He no longer felt like cattle trapped in a pen when he thought about what he had experienced. 
“Jean?”
The voice gave his heart a prickling sensation. He cocked his head at the eyes that haunted his most recent dreams. He chastised himself for thinking of how beautiful she was when he knew that she could never find him as attractive. “Yes?” he hesitantly asked.
“Are you done with your tea?” she asked with her finger pointing to the cup and saucer at his side, to which he shook his head and said that he would be in later for a warmer brew. He wanted her to leave him alone so he could forget about her and fall head over heels for someone who would love him over any other man in the world. 
Then again…Eren tried to push her away. He insulted her, said nasty things to her that were devastating to someone he considered a sister…but she still held on. 
I’m not him, Jean thought to himself. He looked up at Mikasa peering over the balcony at life below them. He inched closer for sketching inspiration. Two children who looked to be brother and sister were carrying armfuls of books that he suspected came from the new library. An elderly couple walking by ate a doughnut split in half. Two women, one hugely pregnant, were lounging outside a cafe and laughing.
Jean sighed to himself, wistfully hoping that he didn’t have to make too many more painful sacrifices for strangers below to live these deserved lives, and noticed that Mikasa stared under the balcony and then turned away with an almost pained expression. You don’t deserve her, he thought to himself. In a fresh state of anger, he tore in half the page on which he was sketching. 
Mikasa sharply moved her head in his direction. “Jean?” she asked. “What was that?”
Jean looked down at the paper half crumbled in his fist and closed his eyes. Lie, he told himself. “Just…I just hope I’m heading in the right direction,” he said. He felt her looking at him and knew that she wasn’t going to look away. Sighing, he went on: “When I was a boy, years ago… I used to sketch what I wanted in adulthood, like how I wanted my home to look in the Military Police, what the city would look like from my window…even…” He swallowed. “...even how…how I imagined what my future wife would look like.” 
Mikasa didn’t move or change her expression. 
Keep making things up, he thought. Don’t let her suspect anything. He looked down at the sketchbook with a heavy sigh. “But then…things are taken away from you.” He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. “Like, the Battle of Trost, and seeing what happened to people we knew and trained with…and how I didn’t want to join the MP anymore…” 
Still, Mikasa didn’t move or make a face. Jean looked away from her. “And thinking…with all that’s going on here in this island… would I be able to find someone, a woman…even though…” He stumbled and swallowed. “Even though this position as ambassador is supposed to be for the greater good of this island…what woman would want to risk her life to be with me if being an ambassador meant that Connie’s and my families had to rely on the Queen for protection?”
Mikasa knelt down at a reasonable distance from him. “Don’t you think that the right woman would want to take that risk?” she asked in her usual stoic voice. “If she loves you so much…then it would be a worthwhile relationship.”
Jean twisted his mouth. “But now…it would be hard to find her, because of the Yeagerists.” When Mikasa blinked, he explained: “Like, you don’t know who believes in them and who secretly opposes them, but you’re at a point where you can’t trust anyone for fear or retaliation.” Jean stared at the charcoal under his fingernails. “And let’s say I meet and fall for someone who used to side with the Yeagerists. I…I don’t know if I would be able to look at her the same, knowing that about her.
“Like…you know how Rico is a Yeagerist? And Hitch?” 
Mikasa nodded with her mouth in a straight line. 
“Let’s say they stop being Yeagerists and decided to work with us.” Jean sighed. “Like…knowing what I know now, I–I could never see myself really being even friends with them at this point in my life. It’s like when a friend lies, and it can ruin your friendship for so long, if it’s not already destroyed.”
“I understand,” said Mikasa.
Jean opened, then closed his mouth, and finally gave in. “Do you?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said. “It is already difficult for me now, especially because of my affiliation with Eren. They know how close we were, so I still get Yeagerists asking me to join them, and they always say that he did it for me, for everyone on this island.” She shook her head. “No matter how much I miss him…I could never associate myself with a group that would proudly kill innocent lives and children. What he wanted was beyond my limits, and as much as I did not want to take his life…” 
Jean felt guilty for bringing up painful feelings and angry with himself for reiterating that her love for Eren was strong enough to overlook where he hurt her indirectly, such as a desire to kill even children. He remembered questioning why in Liberio he couldn’t kill that boy who turned out to be Falco. Was it because he himself was unwilling to murder a child? It didn’t matter anymore. He set down his sketchbook, picked up his cup and saucer, and walked inside, where he washed the cup and saucer through grinding teeth. I’m not him, he thought. I could be everything you ever wanted or needed in a partner, but you would see only him and fantasize about him every time we–we…
Jean tried not to think subtle thoughts–of bedsheets, of panting, hands grasping bare backs, two bodies bringing the other to pleasure, morning kisses and nuzzles, and arms around waists, of two bodies trying to spend as much time together as possible. He closed his eyes and pushed his forehead against the cabinet.
For goodness sake, why can’t I get over you?! We’ve been through so much together, good and bad, that I thought these feelings would go away! You would not even want to imagine me as anything more, let alone even dream of a married life with me! You could marry as many men as you’d like and still insist that you be buried with that scarf and beside Eren at the tree, because no man’s love could ever fill that hole that he left you!
“Jean?”
He cocked his head without pulling away from the cabinet. She had come back inside and held his sketchbook and charcoal in one hand. “You left this outside. It’s supposed to rain later today.”
His sigh was not in relief. “Thank you.” He listened to her set down the sketchbook and turned back to the saucer under the soapy water. Why can’t I let go of these thoughts…
“Excuse me?”
Jean slightly jumped. It was Mikasa’s voice. “What?” he asked. 
“You said something under your breath,” she pointed out. “Something about thoughts…”
“It’s nothing,” he said. “Just…lost my faith that things could get better.” He resumed washing the cup and saucer, but she didn’t move away. 
For someone who didn’t like to talk about her feelings, she was making it awfully hard to deny his emotional turmoil. 
“That’s odd to say, coming from an ambassador who is working towards peace,” she said in her usual monotone. 
Jean remembered when he said that he could not imagine being friends with Rico or Hitch should they leave the Yeagerists. He knew that confessing his feelings to Mikasa would destroy whatever relationship they had, and that she could never think of him as a friend again. Frustrated, he dropped the porcelain in his hands and hung his head. “It’s been three years,” he croaked, “and…I still can’t rid of these feelings I have. I thought that my time in Marley, and being an ambassador–they would go away. But then I came home after these three years…” 
He gripped the edges of the sink. “I thought they would go away like my ambition to join the Military Police,” he spat. “But these feelings…why can’t I force them to go away?”
“Feelings,” she repeated.
Jean felt set up and swallowed nausea bubbling in his throat. He looked at her over his shoulder. She was somehow even more beautiful than in the cadets, despite the trauma and pain they endured from fighting the right and wrong enemies. “Mikasa,” he said with burning eyes, “I didn’t save your life, I didn’t wrap that scarf around you, I didn’t let you live with me after your entire life changed in one day…but…” 
He clenched his teeth after his rushed speech. “I could be and give you everything you wanted and everything you needed, but I’m not him! I could love you with every fiber of my being, but it wouldn’t erase the pain that he left you.” When the tears came, he brushed them away. “I just want you to be happy–like Armin does, like Connie does, like everyone else, I want you to be happy.” He took a shaky breath. “I just don’t want you to be unhappy and mourn over what had been, or a dream of what could have been. I told you to kill your best friend, your soulmate, and that will haunt me every day for the rest of my life.”
He turned away his face and rinsed off the cup and saucer to put on the drying rack, but before he could turn around, a hand touched his arm. Her expression didn’t change. “I thought we could be allies again, friends…” He bit his upper lip and watched the water go down the drain. “I should never have brought this up.”
Mikasa took a shaky breath and moved her hand up his arm to his shoulder, and Jean had no other choice but to meet her eyes. “Do you see yourself…giving yourself that chance?” she whispered. “If I let you…would you?”
The nausea was coming up his throat again, and Jean made himself swallow, though it was like gulping down scalding water. “If you let me?” he repeated. He shook his head. “Even if you gave me that chance… I would never make you forget him. I would never tell you to throw away that scarf. I would spend hours awake with you if you missed him so much that you couldn’t sleep at night. I would take you to his grave as often as you wanted to go. I would never make you do anything that you didn’t want to do, or become someone you were not. I would vow to you above myself, in good and bad.” 
Jean’s heart was thumping so fast that he worried that he would have a heart attack. He put his wet hands on her waist without thinking and hitched his breath. “I never pursued women in Marley, and I didn’t know why, not even other Eldian women.”
Mikasa’s eyes were of uncertainty, and Jean felt even more guilty and ashamed of himself for making her feel like she had to give in to his dreams that he harbored for years, and that he could promise her a lifetime of happiness even if he wasn’t him. He dropped his hands from her waist, but then her hands–slender and warm–cupped the sides of his jaw and lowered his head so she could kiss the middle of his forehead. 
***
Jean struggled to swallow the mouthful of soup, and not just because it was boiling hot–it was spicy, like the peppers that Marleyans warned made people cry. He inhaled and moved his blistering tongue around his mouth. “Good heavens, that was hurtful,” he panted. 
Mikasa twisted her mouth. “I know,” she said, “but you know that the doctor said that this will clear out your system, kill the virus in you.”
Jean turned his head away and sneezed into his sleeve. “Ugh…felt like I sneezed out a chili pepper,” he groaned.
“You may as well have,” said Mikasa. “Your nose is bleeding.”
Jean, groaning louder, sat up and impatiently pulled the shirt over his head despite his aching muscles. “Sorry to keep adding to the laundry load,” he heaved as he fell back onto his pillow. 
“Do not apologize,” said Mikasa. “I’ll let the soup cool down and take this outside, all right?”
“That sounds good,” Jean whispered. 
At that moment, the door opened, and a pair of tiny footsteps walked into the room. “Marco?” said Mikasa. “What is it?”
The five-year-old’s face was on the verge of crying. “Mama…my throat hurts…” He threw back his head and sneezed into the crease of his elbow, trailing colored snot.
Mikasa immediately stood up and lifted her son onto her hip. “I’ll take you into the bathroom, and you can have a nice warm bath. It’s good for fighting the flu.”
Marco whined and rubbed his forehead against her collarbone. 
Mikasa had just stepped out of the bedroom when she heard heaving and lurching in the bedroom across from hers. Without knocking, she opened the door and saw her little girl sitting on the floor with her face in the wastebin pulled between her pale, shaking legs. Poor thing was too weak to walk to the bathroom. “Sasha? Sweetheart?”
The three-year-old weakly lifted her head and started crying. “Mama… make it stop… It’s like sloppy joes…”
Mikasa swiftly helped Sasha onto her other hip and carried her children into the bathroom. She positioned Sasha’s head over the toilet, drew warm water, helped Marco out of his pajamas, and lowered him into the tub. The boy nearly yelped but then closed his eyes. “I don’t feel better yet,” he whined. 
“You will,” his mother promised. “It will take time.” She glanced over the tub and saw that Sasha was on the floor, pressing her forehead against the tiles. “Sasha!”
Sasha protested when her mother tried lifting her. “No, Mama, my head… it feels nice…”
“If you keep laying like that, Sasha, you will only get sicker.” Mikasa removed Sasha’s nightgown and placed her in the tub beside her brother. At their mother’s instruction, the children held their breaths, pinched their noses, and dunked their heads under the surface. Once they came back up, Mikasa gathered their germy pajamas and told them to relax and not try to drown each other while she went outside. She would come back very soon, once she hung the new load to dry.
After five minutes, Mikasa finished hanging the soaking clothes and bedsheets, had unclipped the dry linens, and carried the basket back inside. She set everything onto the kitchen table to fold later and hurried back up to the bathroom. She opened the door and saw that the children were not in the tub. 
Before panic struck, she instantly saw tiny droplets of water trailing into her and Jean’s bedroom. Mikasa followed the trail and peeked inside. 
Marco cuddled to his father, his head on Jean’s ribcage, while Sasha was curled to Jean’s chest. Both children were wearing fresh sleepwear, and they still had towels wrapped around their heads. The three of them, aside from the occasional cough, were napping quite peacefully. Mikasa smiled to herself and left the room to give her sick family peace. 
She went into Sasha’s room to strip off the soaked bedding, but the sheets were already pulled off and in a pile at the foot of the bed. On Sasha’s pillow was a sheet of paper with Jean’s recognizable handwriting: I got this for you. You go take a nap. You deserve it. 
***
When Mikasa woke up from her nap, it was already dark. She didn’t hear coughing, so the children were probably still sleeping. She could probably take down the hanging laundry from outside and set up the beds for when the children woke up. 
Mikasa went downstairs with a candle, but before she went outside, she peeked into the kitchen and saw that not only was the laundry that she brought in earlier folded and stacked on the table, but also folded were the children’s sheets and pajamas that they wore before their bath. Her mouth twitched in affection, and she went into the kitchen to pick up everything. 
Inside, however, she saw Jean, wearing only slippers and a towel with droplets of water on his bare back and arms, at the stove, tending to the spicy soup that she fed him earlier. He turned his head when he heard her approach him and smiled. “Did you have a nice nap?” he asked. 
“Yes,” she said. “You, um…”
Jean smirked and ladled the soup into a small bowl. “Do you want one?” he asked her. “I suspect that you forgot to eat before your nap.”
He was always like that, worrying that Mikasa starved herself. She shrugged and said why not. She accepted the steaming bowl and waited for him to sit across from her before she ate. It was both spicy and hot enough to fully awaken her. 
After the usual questions that Jean was all right, that he enjoyed his bath, how well were the children sleeping, and if anyone vomited or had trouble holding down food, Mikasa beckoned to the basket and folded cloths. “Why did you fold them for me? I could have done it.”
Jean shook his head. “I know, but you deserve rest. You may the only one of us who will remain in perfect health while everyone around you gets sick…but you’re my wife, my dearest love.” He set down his spoon and put his hand over hers. “Remember–we’re in this together, caring for the biggest, most important projects of our lives.”
Mikasa cocked her head and smirked. “I know–”
“But,” he cut her off before she could continue, “that doesn’t mean that I’m going to leave you to everything.” With those words, his thumb gently stroked the back of her hand. “Remember what I said all those years ago? That I would put you above myself in good and bad times?” 
Mikasa didn’t say anything, but she nodded. Jean continued: “I wasn’t saying that so you would give me a chance. I said those words because I meant them, just as much as I do now.” He pulled her hand to himself and kissed her knuckles. “I love you too much.”
Mikasa could not count how many times she heard him say those words, but they always gave her a light feeling in her chest that lifted her spirits. He knew that he could never erase away her old love, nor did he attempt to, but the joy he gave her because of the love he gave and the love that he had for their children made Mikasa glad that she gave him that chance. It was unlike how she imagined her future for years, but sometimes she appreciated how her life in reality was even better than her dream life.
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jeankluv · 1 year
Text
I could be a better boyfriend than him || Mikasa Ackerman
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Summary: You have been in love with Mikasa for a while now, but she only had eyes for her boyfriend Eren Jeager. What happens when you two met a party and start talking?
Paring: Mikasa x fem!reader
Words: 1,3K
Warnings: nsfw content, fingering, oral sex, Eren slanders (bc yes)
The news spread faster than anyone could imagine, Mikasa Ackerman and Eren Jeager broke up. So apparently she found him hooking up with someone else, or that’s what you heard.
You didn’t know how to feel about it, of course you knew who they were, they were kinda famous. And maybe, just maybe you had a big crush on Mikasa Ackerman. I mean who wouldn’t? She was beautiful, she was kind, intelligent, stylish, and you could keep going about how incredible you thought she was. Well, you probably were in love with her.
But long story short, she didn’t know about your existence. Although, both of you shared some classes together you never really interacted.
She was always distracted looking at Eren. But you wanted her to look at you, for her to give you the same looks, you wanted to hold her hand. But that was not possible, that’s the hard truth.
You came back to reality when your friend snap her fingers in front of you.
-Are you even listening to me?- She said.
-Sorry, I was just thinking… What were you saying?- You look at her.
-I was saying that both Eren and Mikasa are at the party. Do you think they are back together?
-They are here? Hopefully she isn’t with that dumbass.- You said drinking from your plastic cup.
-Oh! Someone still has a little crush.- She said with a smirk.
-Shut up.- You said.- I’m going to find something to eat.
You started walking passing through all the people. You saw Eren’s group laughing on the side, that dumbass was really here. Asshole. You rolled your eyes and keep walking to the kitchen. You enter and there she was, looking absolutely stunning. She was wearing a thigh black dress that make her figure absolutely breathtaking.
-Hello.- She said smiling.
-Hey.- You said dropping the plastic cup on the bin and open the fridge to grab something to eat.
-You are (y/n), right?- You turned to look at her.- We share a class. She knows.
-I didn’t think you would know my name.
-Oh… well a pretty face like you it’s not easy to forget.- Your heart start pumping fast. Was she filtering with you? Alcohol must be affecting you.- Sorry… that was…
-It’s okay. I heard you and that Eren broke up.
-Yes, we did.- She said drinking from her cup.- I’m honestly grateful we broke up.
-Really? You both seemed to be really in love.
-We were or at least I was. But not everything seems to always work out.
-You are better without him.- She looks at you.
-Oh really? And why it’s that?
-C’mon Mikasa, he is arrogant, a narcissistic and you truly deserve something way better.- You said looking at her.
-Like who?- She approaches you.
You bite your lip, maybe alcohol was already affecting you and making you even more brave that you have ever been because never in a million years you would have said what you were about to say.
-Me.- You said and approached her even more.
-You?- She said smiling
-Yes Mikasa, I could be a better boyfriend than him.- You grab her by the waist, nothing else mattered.- You know I could do the shit he never did.
She smiles wild and kisses you, she tasted like cherry so delicious and addicting.- Oh (y/n)… I have been waiting for this for so long.
-Really?- You smiled.
She nobs.- From that day, when you entered on the salon. With your style, powerful, beautiful, … hot.-Whispers against your mouth with a smirk.
-So you really looked at me? I thought you only had eyes for Eren Jeager. I guess I was wrong.- You kissed her again with more intensity this time.
You grabbed her waist and pulled her to you, so you could feel her. She was addicting, her lips, her body, the noises she was making everything about her was so addicting.
-We should… we should move to another place, more intimate…- She said shaking.
-Would you like to come to my apartment?- She nobs.
Grabbing her hand, you took her out of that place. Your apartment was nearby, so it didn’t take much for both of you to arrive. Once in the apartment you kissed her once again and both of you started taking clothes off. You take her shirt off and her breath hinches when you put your lips around her nipple and start playing with the other one.
Her moans are music for your ears, and you keep on with that.
-Baby… I…- She moans.
-What baby? What do you want?- You said graving her face and looking at her. Her cheeks are red, and her breath is irregular.
-You… I want you.
You guide her to your room, and you push her to the bed. You undress yourself and get on top of her and admire her.
-God Mikasa, you’re so damn beautiful.- And starts kissing her, you trade a line of kisses going down all over her body, until you reach her intimacy.
You look at her, and you see how she is watching you. You take her by the neck and kiss her. Moaning into each other mouths, Mikasa stars playing with your pussy this time, and she makes you turn, leaving you under her. She smirks and goes down with her mouth to your pussy. This is how heavens feel? You think, this was probably the best blowjob you ever had, and it was only starting. Mikasa was not only amazing in sports and academically, she was also amazing on bed. She kept on using her tongue until you reached your orgasm.
-That was… amazing.- You said trying to catch your breath.- Now let me make you cum.
-(y/n)…- She moans.- I want…
-Yes, tell me baby girl.
-I want you to touch me. I want you.
You smirk and your hand goes to her pussy and penetrating with your index finger, you asked her.- Like this baby?
-MMM…- She shakes as you continue fingering her.
Giving her a smile you keep on fingering her, you felt how she reacted, she wanted more you could feel it, you could see it. You felt how she came in your fingers after a loud moan.
-You’re so delicious Mikasa.- You said approaching her.- Do you want to taste yourself baby?
She nobs, so you let her taste herself. Both of you stayed there for a little while kissing and touching each other until the sleep came and both of you felt asleep.
The first thing you noticed when you woke up was the headache you had. I shouldn’t have drunk that much, you think for yourself. The second thing is that, you really hooked up with Mikasa, she was there, it was real. You stayed there looking at the celling trying to calm your heart down. You drank so much how did say all that and end up like this? Alcohol really gave you the strength you didn’t have. But what if Mikasa didn’t like this? What if she didn’t want to see you again?
Your thoughts stop when you noticed Mikasa looking at you, with a look you couldn’t believe she could give you.
-Hi…- She said with a smile.
-Hi… how are you?- You tried to sound as normal as possible, although you were losing your mind.
-Good.- She says while sitting.- Last night you said…
-I said a lot of things, I was really drunk. If something I said made you uncomfortable or…
She shakes her head while laughing. Her laugh is music to my ears.- No, don’t worry. But you said you could be a better boyfriend than him.- She says raising an eyebrow.
-I did.
-Then I want you to prove it to me. Prove me that you can be a better boyfriend than him (y/n).
You smile and close the space that there is between you and kiss her.- I will baby.
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mabelancholy · 5 months
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I was one of the original whiners two years ago when the manga ended that the ending was kind of bad because WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF MIKASA, but now watching the anime, it’s like. No. I get it. I get it now.
No shit there wasn’t a budding romance between Eren and Mikasa during the anime/manga. Eren is dumb as hell (he admitted it!), so he won’t know how to go about it, and ever since he was a child, he was in fear for his life due to Titans, he trained for the most dangerous part of the military, watched his comrades die or turn into Titans, is a constant center of attention, whether it be good or bad even since he got the Attack Titan. Like, He Was Going Through It! That’s too much crap for his brain to handle. And when he saw how shit goes down after holding Historia’s hand? It was BOUND to get worse.
By the time Eren enters his “Villain Kirito” saga, we’re disconnected from him as much as he’s disconnected from himself. He’s like an automated robot doing pre-designed tasks for him, because Eren knows what’s going to happen, and because “future is set in stone”, he has no choice but to play his part. His spirit is broken, in a way, and we do get brief glances of his emotions coming through the surface like how he broke down in front of that boy he saved from robbbers on the street, crying about how he’s still going to murder him (and that kid does get mushed by Titan foot later on).
But the real, true moment of Eren being himself is when he contacts his friends, and then seals those memories away. We see him talk to Armin about Everything, and all the cards are laid bare. And his response to everything is just so, human. Because he is a human. Eren shows he never truly matured, he’s still a child looking at the whole situation in a childish manner (Kill all Titans -> Kill all humans beyond the walls, “Mikasa better mourn me for 10 years goddang it!!!!”, crying like a literal baby, saying he doesn’t really wanna dieeee uwaaahh sniff sniff). And you can’t really blame him, when you remember he didn’t really have a childhood, being thrown into the Titan business so damn young! But he did, however, realise that he can’t fix humanity indefinitely, but he can make it so his friends get to live happily ever after (at least those who survive). He admits that he’s an idiot, a slave to his version of freedom, and a ticking time bomb of rage, but he’s got the power and he has to do something with it, anything to make the world around him a better place for the people he cared about.
I was never an Eremika shipper because I wasn’t an AOT shipper in general (not even YumiHisu), but I’m literally not mad about it being revealed in the end that they were in love, despite 0 communication, despite the ongoing war, despite the struggle for survival and constant trauma, it was still a version of love. With how everything played out in the end, it does make sense to me. And an anime ending was so nice to show them being reunited in the afterlife! <3
(And no, Mikasa didn’t end up with Jean or Armin or anyone in either endings (there’s multiple evidence online, from lillies on Mikasa’s grave, to an indecisive sillhouette of the man and the child (I personally think it’s Armin, that he and Mikasa stayed as best friends and either adopted, or brought Historia’s child to the grave)), which I think is a further testament to Eren and Mikasa’s bond, which is sooooo AUGH! I’m a huge sucker for unfulfilled, sad, full of yearning yet getting none, so close yet so far away romances in fiction, so this one is definitely tickling my fancy.)
Maybe the anime did the ending better, maybe it was me who matured, maybe it was both, I don’t know. But I’m glad I’m able to enjoy this masterpiece to the fullest!
AOT is a deserved classic and one of the best pieces of media ever made. Big thanks to Isayama and all of the people working on both anime and manga production <3
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firefly--bright · 2 years
Text
belonging.
jean kirstein x gender neutral! reader (they/them pronouns used)
academic frenemies to lovers, modern au
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how was he so good at everything? how did he manage all of it? how did he make you feel like this? how did he see you?
warnings : strained parental relationships, highschool angst, academic pressure, mild eren yeager slander.
a/n : holy shit this turned out longer than i intended it to. making a part two but it might take a while cause i have exams (how perfect) coming up soon :'). anyway, i hope you like this one, kinda self projected alot jdkwjfls im okay i was listening to mitski and hozier while writing this can u tell
tagging : @chuusposts , @a10vely-yutazen (sorry for the late tag!)
• main masterlist is pinned! • taglist is open! • fic playlist •
“the test wasn’t that hard, you know?” you say, completely aware that you were being petty, but god it felt good to be better than him at something.
“I never said it was hard,” he mutters under his breath.
“you submitted it late.” You reply snarkily, seeing his ears heat up in embarrassment.
“whatever, we’ll see how the grades are. Don’t you have anyone else to annoy?” he asks, and you know you’ve won by the way he says ‘whatever’ with the roll of his eyes.
The way he always did when he didn’t have a point to make.
You smiled slightly, pettily, but satisfied. You knew you did well.
You walked to your next lecture after collecting your books, yawning in the process. God, you needed some well deserved sleep. Maybe even watch a movie or two consecutively. But you couldn’t. you felt like you had a target on your back if you took even the slightest bit of a break, or had even the slightest bit of a social life. It didn’t make sense how Jean had both, all from what it looked like, and was still doing good in school. Good enough to compete with you, that was.
Hey, atleast you were doing better than last year.
You took a seat near the window, not paying attention to the way Jean was looking at you while entering the classroom.
It baffled you. how was he able to manage having it all? popularity, no matter how much of a social construct it was, people who loved him, and good looks? you couldn’t even deny it. He had almost everyone in Shingeki High wrapped around one of his knobby fingers that lent you a pencil last year. You didn’t blame them, he was the reason the school won almost every year, the reason everyone who lost hope during the game found their strength again to play. He was the one who persuaded Marco Bodt to rejoin the team. Marco Bodt, too, was like him, just less in the spotlight. He didn’t like the spotlight, you realised.
You didn’t blame him. it wasn’t like you didn’t want attention, but it seemed like the moment you had it, you got anxious, palms sweaty, breath heavy, the whole nine yards.
You didn’t notice Jean slipping his backpack next to your seat until your teacher started teaching the new topic.
You did notice, however, how he kept glancing at you. was there something on your face?
You rubbed your nose, then your cheeks. You adjusted your hair, too, just in case. You didn’t think there was anything wrong with your appearance. Maybe Kirstein had a staring problem. He used to stare at Mikasa a lot, too, before she got hitched with Yeager. A true tragedy in Shingeki High.
You tried to pay attention to whatever Mr. Smith was teaching, but considering the fact that you got almost no sleep last night studying for the test, and the fact that Jean was now shamelessly staring at either you or something out the window, you couldn’t.
You could catch up though. You’d already read the chapter he was currently prefacing.
“alright, class, I know you will be dreading this, but I will be giving everyone a group project,” Mr. Smith’s voice boomed, as the class erupted in low chatter. Everyone turned to the people they knew, but your face remained motionless.
You wanted this to be over with. You wanted, no, needed a fucking break.
Bet your brother didn’t need a fucking break, your mind whispers.
“I will be assigning everyone their partners.” Mr. Smith spoke up. everyone groaned, as jean’s head turned towards you again.
You joined the collective groan, as you turned to the boy sitting next to you. “why the fuck do you keep staring at me, kirstein?” you ask in a harsh whisper.
Jean shrugs, “you seem tired.”
What?
He noticed?
More importantly, he cared?
You tried not to show how flustered it made you feel. Big deal, he did the bare minimum. Besides, it was obvious you were tired, it wasn’t like you were trying to actively hide it. At least, you weren’t anymore.
“well, I am. a little. I just need sleep.” You mutter, and you know he heard it, but he continues to look at you with… pity? pride?
no. resolve.
His brows furrowed, his jaw locked, his hands resting on the table. you had seen that look before, while he was taking tests. The same face he made while he was at practice and you were under a tree, drawing the scenery before you.
You shivered slightly. Because of the wind form the window. Yeah, the wind.
Jean turns his head to the board again, as mr. smith names pairs of students to do the project together. You didn’t know what jean was going to do, but you knew he would do it. Jean Kirstein, a man of his word.
“yeah. You need sleep, it shows.”
Ah, yes. Jean Kirstein, an honest man.
You rolled your eyes.
“jean kirstein and (y/f/n).” you heard, snapping you out of whatever daze you were in.
Fucking amazing.
Jean turns to you again, and you can almost hear the smirk in his voice as you will yourself to not look at his pretty face. “goodie. Can't wait to do everything by myself.”
The bell rings, and you pack up whatever you had laying around.
“be my fucking guest.” You say to him as you walk away.
He, of course, follows. “what, you want me to take credit for it? Would that look good on your report, (l/n)?”
"my report would still better than yours after it, so.” You snap back. You really were not in the mood for this. “when do you want to meet up for the project?” you ask, “will after school today work for you?”
You hated to admit it, but this was probably the only “break” you’d get. Your parents only ever let you go out if it was for studying, and even that was rare, since they claimed they didn’t trust anyone in your school enough to let you go off with them.
But jean, however, had seen your parents. He had managed to charm them, even, at your middle school’s science fair, with his big words and sources and incredible topic. If you told your parents you were with the boy that got second place in the competition, they would maybe allow you to take some time in the café, away from them.
jean winced, “cant do today, sweetheart. Got practice. Tomorrow, though? Does that work for you?” he asks. You weren’t sure if he was trying to get you flustered or mad because of the nickname, but nevertheless, you were both.
“yeah, im free tomorrow. Have fun at practice. Don’t trip and fall on those untied shoelaces.” You say, glancing at his feet, speed walking away before he could reply.
You turned around only a bit, seeing him check his shoes, marco bodt standing behind him and looking at him confused.
You turned ahead and allowed a small smirk.
--
You tried your best to not focus on your mother’s words, you really did. But by god it was harder to do that by the second.
“you know, when I was small, younger than you, people would see my art and want to copy it,” she boasted, holding your sketchbook. “I was really good.”
“well I guess I inherited it from you then, huh?” you ask, deciding to humour her, the edge in your voice was sharp enough to cut paper.
“you still have a long way to go.” She says.
She gets up from her place on your bed, leaving a dip in your mattress. “anyway, what fruit should I cut up for you? and don't ask for watermelon, the season for that has passed.”
“im not hungry. I had coffee.” You say, turning back to your homework as you hear her say something about how coffee will shorten your life span while walking away.
You glanced out the window and sighed. The clouds were pretty grey today, and you wondered if it was going to rain. You wondered if you should go out for a run if the gloomy weather subsided. Maybe if your brother was up for it, you could take his car and go to the pizza place a block away late at night.
The pizza was pretty crappy, but it was the only time your brother and you ever held a conversation. Whether it was about your school, his college, some show you were watching, anything.
You were glad you both put your differences aside after you turned 14. He was the only one who ever made you feel seen with parents who made you feel like you didn’t exist for majority of your childhood.
It was nice. You hoped he wasn’t in one of his crappy moods tonight.
A notification rang from your phone. Assuming it was just a spam number, you went back to writing the essay you had to write for English, legs shaking under your table.
Another notification.
You ignored it once again.
Your phone vibrated twice, indicating that you were getting a call this time.
Finally snapping out of your focus, you turned to your phone to see the words ‘jean kirstein physics’ calling you.
Oh, yeah. You forgot you had his number since the last time you were paired up with him.
You picked up, rolling your chair far enough for you to lean back and stretch your legs.
“hello?” you spoke into your speaker.
“hey, practice got cancelled ‘cause it looks like it’ll rain. Do you wanna hang out?” he asks, and you can hear soft music playing in the background.
You shrug . “yeah, sure. Also, we wont be ‘hanging out’, Kirstein, we need to work.”
You can hear his smirk again. he never tries hiding it, atleast not when he’s speaking to you with that cocky tone. “whatever you say, sweetheart. Come on, get ready. im out your door.”
Your eyes widen as you roll towards your window, seeing his car infront of your room. “how the fuck?”
You can see him wave through the window of his car. He’s leaning forward slightly, his hand resting on the steering wheel as he waves with its, his phone in the other hand. He’s smiling.
“I know your address from last time, babe. Come on, I don’t have all day.”
You roll your eyes as you flip him off through your window. “ill be down in ten. Oh, say hi to my mom before you pick me up. she’ll think im using you as an excuse.”
“oh? You’ve used me as an excuse?”
“no, dumbass, I don’t need to. She’ll think I am, though. Also I think she likes you. or, she tolerates you more than Ash, anyway. Something about their hair makes her bitchy.” You check your door to make sure its closed.
You hear him laugh. A swarm of butterflies make their home in your belly. You slip a small smile of your own. “okay, then. I’ll say hi. be downstairs quick, though.”
“yeah, yeah, whatever.”
True to his word, jean kirstein does knock on the door to let her know he’s the one picking you up. your mom doesn’t complain as you slip your shoes on, which you assume is a good thing.
You save him just in time, though, as your mom smothers him with questions youre sure he hasn’t thought about yet. His face and shoulders relax when you tell him you should leave.
“bye, ma. Be back by 9.” You say.
“8 o clock! No more!” you hear her shout as you close the door.
“well that went better than I thought it would.” You tell jean, who has a hand on his heart, eyes still wide.
His neck snaps towards you, and you try not to laugh at his expression. He continues to walk towards his car as you trail behind him.
“well? That’s well for you? jeez, I felt like I’d have a heart attack with all the questions,” he exclaims. You put a hand on his shoulder, feeling him relax under your slight touch.
“you’ll live.”
He opens your passenger door for you to slip in. you thank him quietly, letting yourself get comfortable in his car. His cologne was even more present in his car, and a poloroid of him and his friends hung from a string from his rearview mirror. The flash was bright, and you recognized most of them. Jean had his arms around sasha braus and connie springer, as armin alert squatted infront of them, sporting a bright smile of his own. Behind the trio was marco bodt, smiling, ofcourse. You doubted you had ever seen him not smiling and you wondered how he didn’t get tired. mikasa was next to armin, squatting and laughing at eren yeager, who tried to squat but was falling down as the picture was being taken. On armin’s left was annie leonheart, with her hands in her hoodie pockets, a slight smile playing on her lips. rare of her to do, but not unusual when she was with armin.
You hadn’t talked to armin well in about a year. The last time you had talked to him was the winter formal as a sophmore, where you both agreed you’d be better of as friends anyway.
He didn't reply to your texts much after that.
Jean slipped into his seat, buckling himself in.
He hands you his phone. Taking it, you look at him questioningly. He cracks his neck, running a hand through his hair as he speaks, “play whatever music you’d like.”
Surprised he’d trust you with the greatest honour of letting you pick music, you played a song you knew he’d like, hoping he hadn’t listened to it already. The music flowed through the car as did the cool air from the ac.
“where are we heading?” you ask as jean starts driving. His left hand, the one he has doodles on, grips the steering wheel while he drives, as his right one rests on the gear, his fingers thrumming against it to the beat of the song.
“do you remember that café from last time? There.”
You take a moment to sit in stunned silence. Jean didn’t seem to realise that you were basking in a new feeling.
He remembered?
It wasn’t a surprise that you remembered, considering that their coffees were one of the most expensive yet the best tasting coffees you had ever had. You remembered him paying for you. maybe that’s why he remembered? there was nothing memorable about the last time you got paired up with him, if you thought about it. You genuinely thought he had forgotten about the place.
But as it turned out, he did not forget.
“oh. The one with the expen-“
“expensive coffee you really liked? Yeah. Honestly, theyre more of milkshakes than coffee, but to each to their own, I guess.” He says, glancing at you before taking a turn.
“of course you wouldn’t appreciate the good coffee,” you say, crossing your arms in front of your chest, “which ones do you like, anyway? Black coffee to be pretentious and feel grown up?"
“hey, black coffee is good!” he exclaims.
“predictable,” you mutter under your breath, knowing he had heard you anyway.
He shakes his head, gaze still locked on the road. “I don’t really like their coffee. I can stand their cheesecake though. And hey, if anyone’s pretentious here, its you. youre the one who likes their coffees” he says, arguing childishly. In his defence, you were technically enabling it.
A smile plays on your lips, “its not like go there all the time! Only for a treat.”
“a treat? So, like, everyday?”
“haven’t been there since three months, actually. And the last time I did go, like a couple weeks ago, they were closed.” You defended yourself.
You saw jean’s lips quirk up as he shook his head. “today is a treat then? With me?”
“don’t flatter yourself.”
“admit it, sweetheart. You think im a treat.”
“I do not. Youre the one who insists on paying for my drink. You don’t have to put on the gentleman act for someone who is going to accomplish much more than you.” you say, not really meaning your words. He knew, of course, he knew what you meant. He side eyes you and the previous butterflies seemed to have multiplied.
“im not acting like a gentleman. If you want the whole package then ask me out for dinner first, then we’ll see. And fine, if you wanna pay so bad-“
“I never said that-“
“then you can. Be my guest, waste your money.”
Your bickering went back and forth, and you realised how much you credited jean for his conversation skills. If this was ash, or even your brother, they’d be sick of your constant petty jabs, but jean wasn’t.
Another thing about jean kirstein that you found yourself mentally noting : he pushed you to be… better? You didn’t know if the bickering counted as being better, but academically speaking, he was the top of the list when it came to you pushing yourself to be the best you could be.
The one time you felt seen was when you were with him. Ash would always talk over you, and you liked that about them, you really did. but was it so bad for you to want to be heard? Just for a bit? Even if it was only for a while, even if it was only about studying, you liked jean to be the one you were competing with.
And as much as you hated to admit it, you also liked being partnered up with him. it was like a superpower you had discovered while being paired up with him the last time. You realised how much you could accomplish when you were with him. like he was your driving force, in a way.
The last time you had been paired up with him, he had introduced you to almost everyone in his friend group. You didn’t get particularly close to any of them, but you were glad to be a part of their little group anyway. Ash, connie’s… crush? Friend with benefit? They hadn’t put a label on it, but you could tell that Ash was glad you were coming out of your shell as well.
That was until winter formal, before armin said you two should be friends after being the one who asked you to go with him in the first place. you weren’t mad at him, per say. You knew who he was, and what he was was a good friend. you didn’t expect him to officially ask you out, anyway, so it was all water under the bridge.
After he started to distance himself from you, you did the same for him. he needed his space, and you respected that. you didn't know how that translated to you distancing yourself from the rest of the group, but somehow, you did. The only person you sort of kept in touch with after that was jean, and even that was only rarely. You and him never went out of each other’s ways to make plans, hangout, or even text after that. Yet, whenever you talked to him, you felt like you were on cloud nine.
Which was dangerous. Jean had… a reputation. He was pretty, it was obvious. He was smart, and he was good at soccer, and practically everything else anyone could ever be perfect in. after mikasa and eren finally started dating, he started dating, too. some people here and there, you heard Ash tell you about his new partner almost every two months. He wasn’t a heartbreaker, though. He was always respectful about his relationships, but it still felt forced. Like people were only dating him because they saw him being perfect all the time. like people saw himself as how they wanted to and not who he really was.
You remembered him telling you about it once, before the winter formal. He told you about how he felt the need to be perfect because if he wasn’t, people wouldn’t like him. more importantly, he felt like people should like him, because for the longest time people hadn’t . the moment he started to achieve things was the moment he was noticed, if not loved. the moment he started showing himself, even if wasn't the version he wanted, he was praised. He didn’t want to lose that.
You remembered hugging him after that. He hadn’t cried, but his eyes were glistening as you sat on someone’s bed at someone’s party. You patted his back, rubbing circles there, as he kept his hand on your thigh.
You wondered if you were the reason your friendship with him changed. You wondered if your brother moving away for MIT was the reason you started not caring about how people viewed you and more about how your grades would look.
You wondered if jean would… like you if you had persisted and stuck with him when he started to distance himself.
“y/n?” jean calls out to you, as you snap out of your thoughts drowning you.
“hm?”
“we’re here, dumbass. We’ve been here since two minutes. Where’s your mind?” he asks, flicking your forehead. He does it gently though, to not hurt you.
You shake your head. “nowhere important.” You unbuckle your seatbelt, stepping out of the car, as jean follows behind.
--
Jean ended up paying for your drink before you could stop him.
You didn’t complain this time, mainly because you were too focused on your textbook and the way jean’s shoulder was brushing yours.
It irritated you, of course. Stupid jean’s stupid warmth, stupid perfume, stupid stubble. He’d grown so much since sophmore year, you almost didn’t recognize him. he grew out the aforementioned stubble a little, only a little, and you could almost tell that he spent the entire summer growing it out. His previously short and choppy hair grew out floppy and sometimes fluffy hair that, in your and everyone else's opinions, suited him. you had heard him talking to Marco about getting a mullet in the future. as someone with common sense and eyes, you didn't deny how good he looked, with or without the mullet.
And as someone with common sense, you also didn’t tell him just how pretty he was. You were sure he knew already, with his smug face and almost everyone lining up for a night with him. it didn’t help that he had a good personality, too. it would’ve been so much easier to act like you hated him if he was actually a terrible person.
But no, he was a good person, and you were reminded of that fact when jean passed you a tissue after you devoured your milkshake-esque coffee, and offering you a piece of his cheesecake.
After a good three hours of studying the topic and coming up with things to put in your project, jean stretches his arms up, letting out a yawn in the process. His shirt rode up a bit, as you averted your gaze and focused on packing up your books and pens.
It was almost 8 pm, and you were surprised your parents hadn’t called you home yet. Did they really trust jean that much? Or was the text you sent to your brother enough to lay them off for a while?
You stood up letting out a breath, trying to even out your breathing. Maybe they did trust jean to let you stay so late. They wouldn’t be mad at you for studying with someone, right? And if they asked, you could show them the notes. Nothing to be stressed about. Then why was your heart beating so hard?
Jean placed a hand on your shoulder. “let me take that,” he says, pulling the bag from your arms.
You were too tired to complain, as you followed him to his car like a lost puppy.
The ride home was also peaceful. No bickering, no discussions, no questions. You guessed jean was tired, too. the song you picked out for him played softly as you reached home.
You unbuckled your seatbelt, collecting your bag and phone. Before you could push the door open, however, jean grabbed your wrist, making your head turn towards him.
The headlights of his car reflected on the inside, making his brown eyes glow a slight yellow from the side. his noes and eyelashes created beautiful shadows on his face. “are you sure youre okay?” he asks in a low voice, almost whispering. “you know that im…. im here for you, right? We’re friends.” He says.
Your heat beats faster. You swallow, feeling a lump forming in your throat. He said you were friends. Like the casual type that you’d call up at random times to tell them about your day, like the ones that went to grab coffee together, the ones that invited eachother to parties and introduced all of your other friends to.
Its not like Ash wasn’t your friend. right? Just because they were hanging out with connie a bit more didn’t mean they were completely ditching you right?
God, were his words really enough to make you feel seen?
You shrugged. “of course I’m okay.” Leaving it at that. You didn’t tell him about how much your mother’s words from earlier had hurt you, or how much you wanted to feel included in something. It was embarrassing. And coming from jean? Even more so. How had he noticed? Didn’t he stop talking to you after the formal? Wasn’t he the one who only talked to your for your notes?
Wasn’t he also the one to lend you a pencil a good four months after said formal? Wasn’t he also the one who asked how your test went, starting a conversation between you two after almost five months of almost nothing except waves from across the hallway?
Again, why was this affecting you more than it should have?
He was looking at you, concerned and not convinced. “I just need some sleep.” You clarified, hoping that will make whatever was going on in his mind stop.
His hand left your wrist and you immediately missed the warmth he provided. He sighed, blinking. “well….if you ever need anything, im only a text away, alright?”
He smiles. And not in the typical, smug, I-want-to-look-good smile, but the soft, gentle smile. The corner of his eyes crinkled, his eyebrows and shoulders relaxed. He looked like him again, like the night he thanked you for holding him after his rant at the party, like the day you and him went out for coffee without telling your parents, like the day he invited you to a party and introduced you to all his other friends, like the day he had called you to tell you about his surprisingly good day.
You gave him the same smile you returned to him all the previous times.
“I know.” You whisper.
You didn’t want to leave. You desperately wanted nothing more than to stay here, basking in his cologne and smile and warmth for the rest of your days. You could rot here and flowers could bloom from your skeleton and still be content.
But by the time you could do any of that, you had already gotten up from your seat, turning to shut the door.
Jean was looking at you then, when you crouched down, meeting his eyes again. he was looking at you the same way he was when you drank that milkshake coffee in under two minutes. “im here for you too, jean. Don’t forget that.” You say, smiling. You turn and close the door before he can answer.
Before entering your house, however, you turn around.
He’s looking at you, smile still present, one hand stretched on the steering wheel as the other waved at you.
you waved back.
---
it was almost 1 am when you got the notification.
Jeankirstenoutoften sent you their story.
Stretching your legs from under your desk, you slump onto your bed, phone in hand. When you open the message, you see a story with a picture of you drinking the coffee, and another picture of you leaning down and writing in your notebook, with an emoji of a daisy on the side of the story along with your username tagged next to it.
The song was the same youd made him listen to in the car, which surprised you, to say the least. You didn’t know he would pay attention to your choice of songs, or even care, and the fact that he remembered to add that made yet another swarm of butterflies fill up in your belly.
You liked the story, adding it to your own with a green heart emoji, knowing jean’s favourite colour like the back of your hand.
Jean instantly messaged you after that.
Jean k.:
Why are you awake??
Why r YOU awaje, kirstein
Jean k.:
Cuz I wasn’t the one complaining about being tired, sweet heart
Also you have to get up at what
7? Tomorrow?
Your brows furrowed.
How fo uou know that?
Okay yes I a m tred but that doesn’t mean
that
I’ll actally skeep
Sleepig is fir looserd
Jean k.:
Jesus
Maybe you should sleep
The amount of typos youre making
It givbed charafter
Mayve you shuiuld look iy up
He was right. You were tired and sleepy, but you werent about to prove him right. He didn’t know you as much as he thought he did.
Jean k.:
Are you just trying to prove a point?
Well, shit.
Dint u habe practive tonroow?
Tonroow.
Yes I do
That’s besides the point
HYPOCRUSY
Ojg maybr we shoukd nap un ur car
Im not bringing my car tomorrow sweetheart
If you wanna sleep with me that bad
just ask
I dubt wabt to skeep with yu
I wabt to NAP wuth u.
they r complwtely diffebrbet
"diffebrbet" wasn't even close to different
Y/n
Please sleep
NI
Do u tgink beyobce skept
Beyonce?
Are you asking me if beyonce slept??
Youre proving my point you need to sleep
Wgats ur fac fkower
Why does that matter rn?????
Ander tge dan qyestion
Fine
Tulips.
Is this twenty questions?
Is it my turn omg
Whats ur fav time to sleep?
Sweetheart?
y/n?
replied to themself
Whats ur fav time to sleep?
question answered
its now.
Sleep well, y/n :)
See u 'tonroow'.
Jean smiled. He quickly turned off his phone, putting it to charge after making sure he turned his alarm on for tomorrow.
Tonroow.
Maybe he shouldve stopping smiling so wide only because of a couple stupid messages from you, but he couldn’t.
Didn’t you get the hint? Didn’t you know that he only called you sweetheart? That he would never treat everyone else like how he treated you?
Maybe he was putting you on a pedastal, but in his eyes, its where you belonged. On a pedastal, with your sparkling eyes and pretty smile and sarcastic remarks. Maybe it was the way the chapstick you wore accentuated the smike, maybe it was your signatue earrings that moved slightly evertime you nodded that added to your.... yourself.
He wished he hadnt stopped talking to you. he knew what was happening to him, he knew what he was feeling and he was scared. So, like the idiot he was, he decided to push his affections elsewhere. Mikasa Ackerman never looked at him. not in the way he wanted her to, atleast. Mikasa Ackerman was an unattainable goddess, only having eyes for one person, who seemed to be reciprocating her feelings, even if he was below her level. Then again, so would Jean be if she ever were to glance his way. But he didn’t stop his “crush” from foring on her. It was better than it forming on you, someone also unattainable, but in a completely different way. You and him had been…acquiantances if not frienemies since what felt like forever. He couldn’t risk ruining that.
Even if he went ahead and ruined it anyway. He started ignoring you, slowly distancing himself after the formal, never once asking if you were okay after that. Never once asking what you were up to. Soon enough, you grew apart to the time inmiddle school, where the only words spoken between the two of you were insincere insults along with continous bickering, surface level jabs as if you didn’t see him almost break down in the room while a party raged on downstairs. As if you werent his close friend, as if you werent the only one who really saw him at one point.
He missed you. painfully so. He knew why he did it in the first place. he regretted everything about it, but he also didn’t do anything to stop it. He was…okay, right? Without you? life was better, he had gotten closer to marco, been accepted by this big group of friends who he knew cared deeply for him.
But he missed you. his group of friends werent you. they didn’t have the warmth you so openly offered to him without hesitation. They were amazing, really, but they didn’t hold him the way you did. they didn’t make his skin shiver the way you did, they didn’t make his car feel like the safest haven on earth with music playing softly, they didn’t smile like you did, they didn’t…. they werent you.
So, he did what he should've done in the first place. he had no intention of starting the project today, with the sumbission date being more than enough for him to cram in a week and still get a good grade on it.
But he wanted to see you. the real you, not the one you kept hidden in school. The person he saw sitting by the window, knees shaking, dark circles prominent under your eyes. He knew you knew he was staring, but he didn’t stop. You were sitting right next to him and yet you seemed so far.
Guilt swallowed him up whole along with regret. he was going to make an effort. He promised himself right then and there that he’d grow closer to you again, regardless of the fact that his too-strong feelings for you never really faded away, regardless of how scary said feelings were, he was going to try.
His forearm relaxed on his forehead as he closed his eyes.
And you looked so pretty today, the glow of his headlights illuminating the side of your face as you crouched to his eye level to tell him that you cared, that you’d listen to him if he ever needed it and oh, he needed it. He needed you. even if all the two of you did today was study and get work done, it was one of the most….full day he had. He felt full, content, and even if the table stretched in silence for most of the time, he felt like he wasn’t hidden.
He fell asleep feeling happier than he had since when he was crushing on mikasa.
--
Maybe he shouldve slept sooner. His eyes felt like they were on fire, the burn only calming when he closed them by blinking.
Connie passed him a cold red bull, noticing his tired state. Jean thanked him silently as he chugged half of it in one go, ignoring the stin that came with the cool liquid.
“did you not sleep like….at all last night?” eren asks, wiping the sweat off of his forehead. his front bangs stick to his forehead despite the cool weather. Coach ackerman had gone easy on the training today, and that was saying a lot. jean still felt like his bones were breaking.
“I did sleep. Got a late night that’s all.” Jean says. Despite eren and jean’s obvious dislike for eachother, they still considered the other a friend. they could be civil sometimes, when they felt like it. Which was rarely, but it still counted.
Pulling out his phone, he checks his phone.
3 unread messages from (y/n) <3
FUCK I FELL ASLEEP
This proves nothing.
Im still winning.
Jean smiles, opening your texts.
Uh huh. Keep that imagination going.
Is debate club over yet? I saw a couple of
the students hanging around the field.
Yeah I just finished
Got done early today for some reason
Same
Wanna come here so we can walk together?
My mom made omletes
I think she packed an extra one if youre hungry
Oh
Ur mom’s omletes do sound rlly good rn
Only if theres extra tho
Im pretty sure there is
she always packs more than I need
Although that was true, jean had specifically asked er to pack one more today, one for him, one extra, and one for you.
I'll be down in two :)
Drink water, kirstein, not just redbull
Jean smiles slightly, chugging the rest of his red bull.
“whats gotten you so smiley?” reiner asked as he ruffled his hair.
“is it (y/n)?” marco follows up with his own question, and jean feels like digging a hole and burrying himself in it right then and there.
“oh, (y/n)? I havent seen them around since sophmore year.” Eren says.
Jean shrugs while uncapping his water bottle. “yes, its (y/n). theyre coming down here right now.”
reiners brows furrowed. “you guys are talking again?”
jean hated the way he said it. He hated that everyone he knew also knew about how close you and him used to be at one point, however brief.
Yet, jean maintains his uncaring exterior, and shrugs. “never really stopped talking,” he lies.
Marco shoots him a knowing look as jean drinks his water, pretending to not notice it.
“talking about your grades doesn't count, horseface.” Eren says, getting up before jean could react.
He sees mikasa waiting for eren near the field, the latter greeting her by grabbing her hand and kissing her knuckles. Jean didn’t feel the jealousy he wouldve felt three months ago, he simply observed without the familiar feeling of subtle rage and sadness crawling up his heart.
One by one, everyone left to do god knows what, until only him and marco were left. They were sitting on the grass, jean’s body resting on his eblows with marco copying his stance.
“do you still like them?” marco blurts out.
If it was anyone else, jean would've denied any feelings towards you. that was the only thing he was probably jealous of armin for; the fact that the blonde was a far more convincing liar then jeabever could be.
Jean sighed, glancing at his phone, screen now blackened. “I think so. I don’t think my feelings ever….went away if that makes sense. Like, I hoped they would go away but they didn’t and now I just feel…”
“like a dick?” marco finishes with a small smirk.
Marco bodt was known in the school for his good looks and even better personality. He was kind, but not in the pushover way. he knew all the right things to say to someone under any circumstance. Jean was pretty sure that the only person who saw him crumble once was jean himself, when he reassured marco that hed do well in the match despite his then recent injuries.
But what everyone didn’t see was how…smug marco could be. He could be witty when he wanted, and his teasing would almost combat the one jean faced by you, too. it was in the good way, of course, and jean was glad marco felt comfortable enough with him to be open with him. jean would be caught dead voicing his affections, though, just like he would be if he ever gathered the courage to tell you about how he’d been pining you since before you and armin ever met.
Jean purses his lips, trying not to show his friend that he was right. Jean was sure he knew, though. Marco, somehow, like you, always knew. “yeah. Like a dick.”
“well, its good youre trying to patch things up with them now. Better late then never, yeah?” marco says as he gets up, wiping off the dirt on his hands. “see you in class. Have fun with y/n” marco winks, and jean catches the innuendo.
“its not like that!” jean shouts behind him, watching his back shake with laughs. Jean hopes his blush isnt too prominent for you to notice when you greet him.
Which you do, after another minute of him waiting on the grass.
“did you drink water? Your face is red.” You say, sitting down next to him, slipping your bag fro your shoulders.
“and how is water supposed to help with a red face?”
You shrug, tucking a strand of hair behind you ear. “water solves 99% of your problems.”
“will it make you less annoying?”
“it wont, but it’ll probably help you dance, maybe.”
Jean blushes even more. “oh my god, that was a year ago.”
You snicker. “but youre still terrible at it. Im pretty sure my toes are still bruised with the amount of times you stepped on them.”
“that’s not even possible, and also, you werent that good, either.”
“sure, jean-bo.”
“don’t call me that!” his blush was still on his face, now darkening furiously. You chuckle, which makes his heart skip a beat.
“lets just eat that damn omlete, yeah?”
--
135 notes · View notes
simphellscape · 5 months
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losing all of it // our fans // next | tw: cursing
“Uh… hello?”
“(Y/N)! Hi! I’m here with Mikasa, Jean, and Connie, Cannibal’s new guitarist.”
Everyone greets you all at once, happily mumbling over one another.
It seemed weird to you that Armin called you in the first place. The last conversation the two of you had didn’t necessarily seem like an invitation for friendship on either end. However, your personal mission to end the controversy surrounding LOVESICK! is at a standstill. Eren has been missing in action for days; he never even read your message. You were hoping Armin could shed some light on the situation. Now, hearing all the voices on the other line, you are filled with a potent anxiety.
“Woah, uh, hey everyone,” you stutter.
“It’s alright, no need to panic, I get that this is a lot,” a reassuring female voice on the other end pipes in.
Mikasa. God, you miss her. With your feelings about Eren on the forefront of your mind, you never stopped to think about how long it had been since you two have spoken. You two had such fun together once upon a time. She didn’t deserve your silence.
“It’s good to hear your voice, Mimi.”
She chuckles at the nickname.
“You too.”
“Anyway,” Armin redirects, “this is actually a business call. A better one than last time, I hope.”
Your stomach drops.
“I’m listening.”
“We just left Eren’s apartment. He’s in really bad shape, and he’s very angry at all of us. So angry that he just quit the band.”
“Wow… that’s tough.”
You don’t quite know what else to say. It’s not undeserved, at least when it comes to Armin, but this puts everyone else in limbo. Knowing how close Mikasa and Eren are, you can’t imagine she’s taking this well.
“We’re not giving up,” Mikasa asserts, “We’re gonna try to win him over.”
“How? Eren isn’t exactly a wishy-washy kinda guy. I’m sure he meant it,” you question.
“You gotta talk to him.”
“And say what exactly?”
Silence. You figured that they may not have thought very far ahead, as all of this sounds pretty fresh.
“I actually have an idea,” a new voice pipes in.
“Oh, great, more plans! We definitely don’t need any of that shit right now, Connie,” Jean grumbles.
“This is actually something I think will work, and to be honest I didn’t even come up with it. Our fans did.”
“Our fans?” you question.
“Yeah, they actually exist. They’re just harder to find because the big accounts are… extremely opinionated.”
“What’ve you got, Connie?” Armin asks, optimism injected back in his voice.
“People are looking at the release date and thinking that it’s on the same day because we have features from each other on the singles. The idea’s gotten some attention, good and bad. But from what Armin said to us earlier, it sounds like we wanna get rid of the people who don’t respect the art. I think this would be a good way to do that, and it would be a good way to squash the beef. And if we do that…”
“Eren might be back in,” you finish.
“If you’re in,” Mikasa affirms, “Eren will be too. We can all tell he cares about you still.”
“Yeah, pretty much all of our songs have been about you since he met you,” Jean adds.
Your chest flutters.
“All of it?”
“I wish I was kidding. Some of them made it on the last album, but the dude is constantly writing sappy lyrics about you. He refuses to write anything else.”
A part of you assumed Armin was exaggerating when he told you the ways in which Eren has dimmed since you two parted ways. You’ve come to expect that from him. Jean, however, has always been straightforward.
It was always easier to hate Eren, knowing that he hated you too. Over the years, it became a shield to hide your pain behind. Very few people know exactly how difficult his leaving was for you. Your discography displays some of that pain, but there are still parts of it that are unknowable to you. All around you are reminders of him, all the time.
It only was a few months of your life, but you’ve known for years that these small, every day pains would stick with you forever. Your reluctance to participate comes from a fear of facing it — a fear of making small pains large again — but it’s being slowly replaced with hope.
You inhale deeply, knowing you could easily come to regret what you’re about to tell them.
“I’m in.”
______________________
taglist:
@6sakusa
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m1ckeyb3rry · 5 months
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Endure XII: Rage
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Series Synopsis: You and Eren Jaeger have been best friends since the age of two, but the two of you are destined for an inevitable tragedy. The world you have been born into is cruel; it is one where friends are traitors and enemies are allies, one where you find yourself doubting everything you've ever known. In this life, mistakes are fatal, and you must be careful, lest you make one too many.
Chapter Synopsis: The walls of Trost are breached, and you are faced with a horrific loss.
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Series Masterlist
Pairing: Eren Jaeger x Female Reader, Armin Arlert x Female Reader
Chapter Word Count: 4.7k
Content Warnings: swearing, canon-typical violence, sexual abuse (non-explicit), major character death, angst, original characters included
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“I can’t believe I’m stuck doing this with you of all people,” Jean grumbled as you passed him a wrench. He banged it against the gate aimlessly, and you smacked him upside the head.
“You’re not fooling anyone when you do that, you know. And for what it’s worth, I don’t want to be here with you, either. I’d much rather be up with Tullia and Eren checking the cannons or something, not repairing a gate that isn’t even broken,” you said, pulling out a screwdriver and giving it a confused look.
“Right? It’s literally perfectly fine! This is just busy work,” Jean said.
“That much we can agree on. Well, whatever. This is just the last thing we have to do, and tomorrow we’ll have picked our branches and will never see each other again. I’m assuming you’re still going for the MPs?” you said, discarding the screwdriver with a sigh, deciding you weren’t going to get any meaningful use out of it.
“Of course I am, and you should too. Look, it isn’t like I care about whether you live or not, but joining the Scouts is a dangerous idea. Seriously, consider the MPs, yeah? It would be a shame for you to become a titan snack, if only because we all know how insufferable Jaeger would become. Sina, he’s already annoying and angry all of the time, I bet he’d just become worse. Do us all a favor, you hear me?” he said.
“I’m sorry, Jean, but my heart is set on the Scouts. You should join, too. You’re the most irritating person I’ve ever met, but I can’t deny that you are talented. If you ever tell anyone this, I’ll deny it, but...you’re really strong, and a good leader, too. You’re the kind of person that could change the world. Even if you did rank below me,” you said.
“You really think that about me? I’m nothing spectacular compared to, say, Armin or Mikasa or you or Tullia,” he said. You looked around, making sure nobody was around to see what you were going to do next before you hugged him.
“Maybe that’s what makes you so great. Now, like I said, never speak of this again. But remember it,” you said, letting go of him hastily and brushing yourself off. Jean seemed like he was processing your words before he nodded.
“Thanks, Y/N. For what it’s worth...you’re the kind of person that could change the world too,” he said.
Coming from Jean, this was high praise. You knew that he meant it, because Jean was brutally honest. He was not the sort to lie about things to make someone feel better, especially not to you. A compliment from Jean was hard-earned and always well-deserved, and so you accepted it with a smile on your face.
“You know what I’ve always wondered?” you said to Jean after a few moments.
“No, I do not,” Jean said.
“Why do they do it? The titans? Why do they eat people? It’s not like they need to. What’s more, why did the Colossal and Armored only break down Wall Maria? Like, why not go all of the way?” you said, your hands on your hips.
“Why are you thinking about that? Happy thoughts, Y/N! Happy thoughts!” Jean said, snapping in your face. You blinked.
“Sorry, Trost just reminds me of Shiganshina a lot, that’s all. I wonder what I’d be doing right now if it hadn’t happened. Probably talking to Dr. Jaeger, I suppose. I was going to work with him when I grew up. I wanted to be a doctor,” you said. Jean began to laugh at this.
“You can’t tell me there isn’t some sort of irony in the girl that wanted to heal people becoming a soldier,” he said when you frowned at him.
“Well, I guess it is pretty silly, but what other choice did I have?” you said.
“Yeah, I know what you mean. This whole world, it’s pretty shit, isn’t it?” Jean said.
A warm breeze blew your hair back as you stared at the looming gate in silence. The two of you, alone as you faced the walls, the bright sun hitting your faces.
“Yeah,” you agreed, “It is.”
And so it proved itself to be, as the face that haunted your nightmares, the face that took your family and your home and your future from you, that walls-damned face appeared again. The Colossal Titan stared down at you and Jean, and you screamed in terror.
“Y/N!” Jean shouted, “We have to get out of here before —”
Just like he had five years ago, the Colossal Titan kicked down the gate. You froze as the world came crashing down around you.
Had it not been for Jean’s quick thinking, you would have been killed by debris. The boy swept you into his arms before sprinting a safe distance away and engaging his ODM gear to take to the rooftops.
“He’s back, Jean, he’s back, he’s back,” you said, sobbing. This was it. This was the end of all humanity. If Wall Rose fell, there was no way you’d all be able to survive. Trost was gone, and it was only a matter of time before your old friend, the Armored Titan, appeared.
“Yeah, you really jinxed us there, Miss ‘Why-Didn’t-They-Go-All-The-Way.’ Let’s get back to Headquarters. I’m sure the higher ups have a plan! They must be prepared for this sort of thing,” he said, patting you on the shoulder and setting you on your feet.
“You think so?” you said, wiping away your tears. He nodded firmly.
“I know so. Come on, let’s make sure our friends are alright,” he said.
Your friends. Eren and Tullia had been up on the wall, had come face to face with the Colossal Titan himself. They were okay, they had to be okay, there was no way they were dead.
You and Jean jetted off towards Headquarters at record speed. Your panic caused you to push beyond every reserve of energy you had, use every last bit of gas in your canisters, until you landed in the courtyard of Headquarters where your fellow members of the 104th were milling about.
“Guys! Y/N and Jean are back!” Connie said.
“What the hell took you guys so long?” Tullia demanded, tackling Jean in a hug. He held her tightly, rubbing her back.
“We were by the gate when it fell, so we had to avoid the debris and stuff,” he said smoothly. You shot him a grateful look for not exposing your crying fit, and he gave you a grim smile. Even if you didn’t get along, you had each other’s backs.
“Are you okay?” Eren said.
“I’m fine, thanks to Jean. What about you? Did you do anything reckless? Actually, dumb question. What reckless thing did you do?” you said.
“He engaged with the Colossal Titan!” Sasha said from where Mikasa was checking her over for injuries.
“Almost had him, too, before the bastard disappeared,” Eren muttered.
“Disappeared?” you said.
“Into thin air,” he said.
“The hell? How does something that big just poof, vanish?” Jean said.
“Don’t know, but that’s what it did,” Sasha said, “Samuel almost died, but I caught him in time. Other than that, I think we’re all okay, for now at least.”
Mikasa kissed her on top of the head, “I’m glad. You guys could’ve...well, either way, you were all extremely brave.”
“Mikasa’s right. Facing the Colossal Titan and not freezing immediately? That’s incredible,” you said. Eren shrugged.
“I had to get revenge for what he did to Shiganshina. He took my mother from me. He almost took you from me,” he said.
“Still...” you trailed off before shaking your head and deciding it didn’t matter, “Anyways, does anybody have a clue what’s going on?”
“They sent an advance team of Garrison veterans out to deal with the titans. I expect they’ll hold them off until the civilians can evacuate, at which point we’ll attempt to seal the breach, though the only thing large enough to block the hole is that one boulder in the center of town, and no way can we move that thing! It’s huge,” Armin said.
“Oh, I’ve seen that thing around before! Yeah, it is huge. Like really-fucking-huge,” Jean said.
“Not helping morale here, Jean,” you said as Daz began to throw up. Krista rubbed his back soothingly and began to coo soft words of comfort at him, though it didn’t do much as he continued to retch.
“Soldiers, I regret to inform you all that the advance team has been wiped out. This means that we who are here now are the only ones left to defend Trost until such a time as the civilians can be completely evacuated! I will be assigning you all to squads. The cadets will be in the vanguard, taking care of the titans, while the remaining veterans will be in the rear guard to aid in evacuation. Remember that desertion is considered treason and is therefore punishable with death!” Captain Woermann shouted.
“Oh, Sina,” Jean muttered.
“We’re all going to die!” Daz wailed before dry heaving, the contents of his stomach having already exited a long time ago. Krista looked distressed but stayed with him, her celeste blue eyes wide and her delicate nose wrinkled at the stench of vomit. You gave her a sympathetic wince, and she frowned back at you in exasperation. The small moment of solidarity with the girl you barely spoke to felt nice, and so did seeing that she was a human with normal emotions, not some sort of untouchable goddess.
“Guys, come on, we’re not all going to die. Statistically, at least one of us will survive,” you said.
“Oh, wow, Y/N, real helpful!” Samuel snapped.
“Samuel, you don’t even have to fight, what with your injured foot and all of that. What are you so upset about?” Thomas Wagner said, raising an eyebrow at him.
“You think I tried to get injured on purpose just so I could get out of doing our duty?” Samuel said.
“Wouldn’t put it past you,” Milieus Zeremski said snarkily, crossing his arms.
“Says you! You’re scared of Y/N when she’s hangry!” Samuel said.
“I DON’T GET HANGRY!” you said.
“Why couldn’t the titans have waited one more day? I’d be safe in the interior by then!” Jean groaned, covering his ears in distress.
“All of you, shut up! Samuel, everyone knows you didn’t get hurt on purpose. Y/N, yes, you do get hangry. Daz, we’re not all going to die. Jean, the interior will still be there for you tomorrow!” Tullia said.
“Tullia is right. We made it through our training, didn’t we? We’re prepared to take these ugly fuckers on! All of us survived everything that Shadis put us through. We just need to do it again, for one more day,” Eren said.
“You make it sound real-fucking-easy,” Jean said.
“That’s because it is. Look, if I could survive the fall of Shiganshina as a ten year old, we can all survive this as highly trained soldiers,” you said.
“Oddly, that does make me feel better,” Milieus admitted.
“True. If baby Y/N could do it, then we can too,” Thomas said.
“You know what? I won’t take that as an insult,” you decided.
As Captain Woermann began to split everyone up into squads, Mikasa came over to where you and Eren were standing. She pulled you into a group huddle, her face serious.
“Do not die, understand?” she said.
“We won’t, Mikasa!” Eren whined.
“I’ll do my best to look out for you two, but I can’t be in two places at once. I need to know that you guys will be okay!” she said. You reached for her soft hand and squeezed it. She turned her worried gaze to you, and you understood. More than anything, you understood. She had been through this once before, and she had lost you. She couldn’t go through that again.
“We’ll be okay. Focus on yourself and doing your duty, yeah? I promise you, things will be fine. See you soon,” you said as Captain Woermann appeared to split you up.
“Cadet Jaeger! You will be in Squad 34 with Cadet Arlert and the others. Cadet L/N, join Squad 28 with Cadet Kirstein. Cadet Ackerman, I want you in the rear guard. We’ve heard about your prowess, and you’re equal to at least 100 soldiers, easily. Report to Ian Dietrich at once for your assignment,” he said before jogging off.
“Wait, I can’t be a part of the rear guard!” Mikasa called out helplessly.
“You heard him, Mikasa. You’re strong. You can do this!” you encouraged her.
“No, I need to be with you two, I need to protect you,” she said frantically. Eren growled and headbutted her. She stumbled backwards in shock, her eyes wide and filled with tears as she rubbed the spot where he had headbutted her.
“Mikasa. Your orders were to go to the rearguard, so you’ll go to the rearguard. I’ll take care of Y/N for you, but you have to remember that this is war. There isn’t any place for personal preference,” he said.
“We aren’t children,” you reminded her gently, “We’re soldiers, too. I think Sasha’s in my squad as well. I’ll look out for her, and she’ll look out for me, and Jean will as well, of course. This isn’t Shiganshina. We’re stronger now.”
She flew at you, flinging her arms around you and cutting off your airflow from how tight she hugged you.
“I’ll see you again,” she said before letting go and watching emotionlessly as you coughed, “Both of you. Soon. As soon as I’m done helping with the evacuations, I’ll come back for you.”
You and Eren exchanged looks, knowing this was the best you could get from the overprotective girl.
“See you soon, Mikasa,” you said again, kissing her cheek as she gave you one final glance before heading over to where Ian Dietrich was assembling the rearguard.
“Good luck,” you said, taking a deep breath and turning to Eren, who nodded at you.
“You too. Listen, before we go, I have to tell you something,” he said. You shook your head furiously.
“No. Tell me afterwards. This isn’t goodbye. Whatever it is that you have to say, it can wait,” you said. He looked like he wanted to argue, but at your fierce glare, let out a sigh of defeat, giving in without much protest.
“Fine. See you afterwards, then,” he said.
“That’s a promise.”
You were happy to see that your squad was full of your friends (and Jean). Sasha, Connie, Marco, and Jean made up the group, and you knew that you could count on each and every one of them in even the toughest of situations.
“Everyone ready?” Jean said. You checked over your ODM gear before nodding at him.
“I’m good,” you said.
“Me, too,” Marco said.
“Yup!” Sasha said, somehow still cheerful despite the fact that you were literally about to charge into a district overrun by titans.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Connie said, his normal humor suppressed by the seriousness of the situation, though he did manage to smile at you.
“Then let’s head out,” Jean said, taking charge effortlessly. He was the unspoken leader, and all of you were willing to let him have the role. Like you had told him earlier, he was good at it, at inspiring confidence in his comrades and assessing tough situations.
As you glided through Trost on your ODM gear, distracting the titans, you were reminded of that day so long ago, when Eren had taken you to the roof. The town had been lively then. It was so different now, debris littering the streets that had once been occupied by dancing children.
A single lily lay in the middle of the street, the white petals catching your eye as you soared over it. Blood was splattered against it, staining the pure color an ugly shade of crimson. You frowned and turned away, not wanting to think about whose blood had colored the flower.
All of a sudden, Jean screeched to a stop. You paused beside him, giving him a worried look. His face had gone white, very, very white, as he stared at something in abject horror.
“Jean, is everything alright?” you said as the rest of your squad continued onwards. He reached out with a shaking hand to point at something. You looked down before your jaw dropped. It was a little girl with red hair, crushed by a rock.
“We have to save her,” he said.
“Absolutely. I’ll cover you,” you said as you both dropped to the ground, running over to where the girl was trapped. You kept your fingers on the triggers of your blades, knowing you might need to release them at any moment if a titan picked up on your vulnerable position.
“Hey, Leah, is that you?” Jean whispered, lifting the rock aside. You wondered how he knew the girl. Well, he had grown up in Trost.
“Huh? H-how do you know my name?” she said woozily. You looked back before immediately wishing you hadn’t. The girl’s body was completely mangled from the bottom down, and bile rose in your throat at the way her small legs were contorted. Blood covered her, and you knew she wasn’t going to make it. She had lost too much, and if you had to guess, you’d only give her a few more minutes to live.
“It’s me, the clown from William’s birthday party, remember?” he choked out, cradling her in his arms, ignoring the way her blood covered his light grey shirt.
“Hey, Mr. Clown,” she said, a small smile forming on her face.
“Hey,” Jean said, tears forming in his eyes. The little girl frowned at him.
“Why are you sad? Clowns are supposed to be happy,” she reprimanded him. He gave her a watery smile. You watched silently, feeling like an intruder on this private moment.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I’m so, so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she said, her voice growing faint.
“No, wait, just hold on, kid! Hold on, please, hold on, we’ll get you to a doctor and you’ll be fine!” he said desperately.
“Bye-bye, Mr. Clown. Remember to smile!” she said cheerfully, her brow creasing in a frown for only a second before she smiled up at him.
“Don’t say bye,” Jean said, his face crumpling as the tears began to pour unashamedly down his face.
“Smile, just like I am!” she said. Jean began to cry harder.
“How can you ask me to smile at a time like this?” he said.
“Because. The only way to win at life is to be happy, so you have to try and be happy, see?” she said, coughing, blood trickling out of her mouth. She was at death’s door. There was only one reason she was still clinging to life instead of slipping into that peaceful darkness.
“Jean, you said quietly. He looked at you, his eyes red.
“What?” he said.
“Just do it. She won’t let go unless you do,” you said.
“I don’t want her to let go! She’s just a kid! She can’t j-just —”
“You know she’s going to,” you said, and though your words were blunt, your tone was gentle. Leah looked up at Jean innocently, though her eyes were beginning to glaze over as she reached her final few seconds alive. Jean closed his eyes before opening them again and smiling at the girl. She let out a delighted laugh.
“You have a nice smile, Mr. Clown,” she said.
“Jean. It’s Jean,” he said. She hummed before coughing again.
“Bye, Mr. Jean. You’re...a really brave person.”
Her breathing stilled, and you knew that she was gone forever. Jean stared at her still-warm body, frozen by shock.
“Fuck, Jean! Move!” you screamed as a five meter titan crept up behind him, taking advantage of his dazed state to reach out for him. You sprang into the air, releasing a set of blades.
Tighten your muscles. Latch onto something to gain momentum before letting go. Spin.
Levi’s voice talked you through what to do as you swung through the air, spinning and slashing into the titan’s nape. It collapsed to the ground beside Jean, who hugged Leah’s body to his chest and gazed at the fallen titan in shock before looking at you as you landed atop its corpse.
“You saved me,” he said.
“Anytime. We have to go, though. The others need us,” you said.
“What about her?” he said, hefting the girl’s body. You gave him a sad look, and his eyes widened before he began to shake his head.
“No, no, we can’t just leave her behind! Damnit, isn’t it good enough that she’s dead? Now we have to fucking leave her to be eaten or something?” he shouted wildly. You reached out to place a hand on his shoulder.
“Jean, you know you won’t be able to carry her. We’re running low on gas as it is. The extra weight will drag you down. I’m sorry,” you said.
“I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” he cried as he gently set the girl’s body down. You did not respond, allowing him to take his anger out on you, because you knew it was not you that he was truly angry with; rather, it was this shitty situation and this shitty world that he was raging against. It was unfair. It was so unfair. It was also a reminder that you oh-so-easily could’ve been Leah five years ago. If it hadn’t been for Petra, or if Petra had arrived even a few seconds later than she had, you’d be nothing more than one of the numerous casualties of Wall Maria’s fall.
“Wait here a second,” you said to him before shooting off.
You returned a few seconds later with the white lily that you had seen earlier. It must have been planted in one of the flowerpots people liked to keep on their windowsills, falling to the street as debris rained down.
Touching down next to Jean, you bent over and placed the lily on Leah’s stomach. A bloodstained flower for a bloodstained girl, from two bloodstained soldiers. You were sick of it, sick of it all. You wanted to scrub and scrub at your skin until the last residues of the thick liquid were gone, though you knew it wouldn’t be enough. Even once it was gone, the feel of it would remain, phantom rivers running down your arms and coating your hands until all you could see when you closed your eyes was that horrible, ugly sanguine shade.
“We need to go see how everyone else is doing. We’re both almost out of gas, too, so we have to find the supply team,” you said.
“Right,” he said with one final glance at Leah, “We have a job to do.”
You were silent as you made your way to the rooftop that it seemed everyone had decided to gather on. You noticed in dismay that your numbers were noticeably thinned. It seemed not everyone had made it back.
“Jean? Y/N? We thought you guys had died!” Sasha shrieked as she noticed you.
“What the hell happened to you? Jean, are you okay?” Tullia said, her voice shrill. Jean looked down at his shirt before meeting her eyes dully.
“It’s not mine,” he said.
“Then whose?” Connie said.
“That’s unimportant,” you said, knowing that Jean still needed time to process all that you two had seen, “Have any of you seen Eren, by any chance?”
“No. Ask Armin, they were part of the same squad, though he’s the only one that made it back,” Marco said.
“It’s obvious what happened,” Ymir said, rolling her eyes as you headed over to where Armin sat, curled up in a ball.
“Hey, Min-Min. What’s the matter? Where’s Eren?” you said, kneeling and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He stiffened under your touch before staring at you with haunted eyes the color of the sky.
“Squad 34 was wiped out. Every single one of them. Milieus, Nack, Thomas, Mina...and Eren.”
So, for the second time, you were forced to lose your best friend. Yet this time was different, because you were different. You had done this once before. You could do it again.
“I’m sorry, Y/N. It should’ve been me. He died saving me!” Armin sobbed. You scowled at him before grabbing him by the hand and yanking him harshly to his feet.
“Enough. That’s not true, and we both know it. Eren made the choice to save you, didn’t he? Don’t demean his sacrifice by saying that it was meaningless. Make it worth something. We’re all out of gas, aren’t we?” you said, turning to face everyone. Your fellow cadets gazed at you in shock. Meek little Y/N, Y/N who was never terrible but never exceptional either, Y/N whose only skills came from the advice she had gotten from people far better than her, that Y/N, was standing up.
“Did you think I would fall? Did you think I would break at the news of Eren’s death? You forget I’ve survived all of this before, and I’ll do it again. And so will all of you! I know things are tough right now. The supply team has abandoned us, for whatever reason. That means we have two options: wait here to die, or go get our gas,” you said.
“That’s suicidal!” Connie said.
“You all know the company I kept. Is it any wonder that I am the way I am? Perhaps this plan is suicidal, but it’s all we’ve got. It’s our only shot at success, and for what it’s worth, I think it’s a pretty good shot, too,” you said.
“You do? Why?” Sasha said.
“Because I know you guys. I can’t promise that things are going to be easy, because they won’t be. We aren’t veterans with years of battle experience, and none of us are inhumanly strong like Mikasa, either, but that’s okay. Strength, speed, intelligence, power: they are important, to be sure, but in the end, they don’t matter. None of it does. Each and every one of us possesses an incredible will to endure, and that is all we need to come out on the other side as the victors.”
Everyone was silent as they stared at you before Jean slowly walked over to your side. Jean, who was covered in blood; Jean, who was once spoiled and arrogant; Jean, who was different now, who had been different ever since you had stumbled upon Leah’s body.
“The circumstances we’ve been placed in are shit. This world is shit. I hate each and every one of us for being weak cowards that weren’t able to stop a little girl from dying, and I hate myself for it most of all. That girl died in my arms, and that means I am responsible for carrying on her legacy. She didn’t have a choice. She was a victim, but unlike her, we can choose to be victims, or we can stand and fight back against the monsters that kill us indiscriminately,” he said coldly. Nobody had been expecting to see this side of Jean, a side none of you even knew he had.
“Do you know what she told me before she died? ‘The only way to win at life is to be happy.’ Well, I am not a loser. I have never been a loser. I choose to win. I choose to be happy, if such a state is even achievable in this life. And all of you will join me, because I don’t make friends with losers, either,” he said, pointing at your comrades.
The cloud cover broke for only a second, the sun washing you and Jean in its bright gold light as you stared at the rest of the 104th, at your teammates, at your friends, and you fancied that it was Eren himself encouraging you, supporting you, telling you that this was the right thing to do.
“Fine, then,” Reiner said with a nod, “So what’s the plan?”
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taglist (send an ask or dm to be added): @futuristicxie
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aquietjune · 5 months
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Little Bird, Chapter 7: and the shadows of malaise rise to the surface of the water and her eyes (part 1) is out on AO3
Years after her training, Annie would take great pride in her combat skills. What made her better than the other candidates, what made Marley choose her to inherit the Female Titan, was not due to her blood, like wit and strength were to a certain extent, nor something as flimsy as loyalty and devotion to the cause. No: her agility and precision were something she carefully cultivated, something that, despite being forced into it, she could finally call hers, and hers only.
In knowing when to hit, and where, and in being able to deliver the blow without fault, she could at least say that she was a proper, intelligent tool of war. A scalpel, rather than a hammer. 
She would do all that was needed, and exactly that. Nothing less, but especially, nothing more.
Her illusions were shattered when the colored glass windows of the Stohess Church fell on the worshippers reunited inside, and with them, the building itself, and her hand, as she tried not to lose balance. 
She could blame it on Eren, on his unstoppable rage, on his destructive nature: he didn’t care if civilians, his people, were caught in the middle of the fight, and died as a result, as long as he got his anger satiated; he would stop in front of nothing. But in the end, neither would she, right? She wanted to go home. She needed to go home. If things could go her way, if Eren could relent for a moment, she could find the right way to beat him, as she did before, and then she could grab him and make her way out of that hell hole. She would destroy no more houses, kill no more people: she would just disappear. 
She could blame it on Armin. Why did he decide to confront her? Why couldn’t he just stop thinking? But it really was her fault. Because she didn’t kill him back when she could, when he still didn’t know, when he could still, maybe, think of her as a nice girl. Because she could not kill him the second time, or the third. She could not.
No, she was neither precise nor agile in the end. She could see it on the corpses under her hand. She could see it when Mikasa showed her. 
She could only fall.
But she could not give up.
And as her eyes were closed, all she could stupidly see, instead of the pleading expression on his father’s face, was rather Armin’s quivering lips as she broke down in pain in front of them, at the top of the stairs.
Only that. The only thing she deserved: his horror, his evasiveness, and his clear, placid eyes as he set the trap.
The only thing she’d ever deserved from him, or from any of them, really.
And yet, long after, she did not know exactly when, she heard his voice again, and it was no memory nor dream.
“Annie?” it said. “It’s me, Armin. I was wondering… can we talk?”
(continue...)
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lucacangettathisass · 7 months
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I'LL FOLLOW YOU (INTO THE DARK)
SUMMARY: You grew up in the capital, kept far away from the dangers that lurked outside the walls. But after the fall of Shiganshina, you've been plagued by thoughts of titans and suffering and the blood of your fellow man.
So, you decided to do something about it.
Getting out of the city was the easy part. Proving yourself to everyone, including Shadis, is the hard part. But it looks like you've made a friend, the son of your former doctor; Eren Yeager.
He's driven, and possess a pull that's almost irresistible.
Or maybe that's just you.
FEATURING: It's My Fanfic So I Get To Decide What's Canon, my own thoughts on titans and additions to that aspect of the story (it's vague for a reason), references to Christian and Jewish thought/beliefs/philosophy (look I went to Catholic school and I've been considering converting so that shit has been Marinating), Grisha Yeager Is A Complicated Man, my pro snake agenda (THEY'RE JUST CURVY WIGGLY GUYS LEAVE THEM ALONE), awkward teens, class differences, shitty parents, loss of parents, Mothers, protective Mikasa (DON’T WORRY I'M NICE TO HER IN THIS), dorky eren (MY NUMBER ONE AGENDA), Problematic Relationships (further down the line, and it's more of a Tease than anything)
WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Death, illness, implied murder, implied abuse
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Who can spot all the references? What do you think they mean, if anything?
TAGLIST: @blckbrdlove
CHAPTER ONE
You had never truly thought of your home as any kind of friend or ally. At best, it was just another set of walls, separating you from everyone else in the city of Mitras. At worst, it was a casket, the final resting place of your beloved mother. The only source of comfort it offered you was the garden, which had been walled off, along with you and the rest of the east wing, from the rest of the estate ever since your mother's death all those years ago.
After all, your father's new wife shouldn't be forced to remember that someone else had been there first. That was also why you had been shunted off, abandoned and left in the care of the few members of staff who knew of your existence. Your father had a new wife who gave him not one, but two sons. What use did he have for you now?
On the bright side, this meant that fewer eyes were on you, so you were free to execute your plan. It was simple, pack some necessities, and use your natural abilities to be silent and light on your feet to slip out before anyone could notice.
"My lady, it's time for-"
You turned around, just as you were finishing up packing your bag, locking eyes with Rafael, your father's valet, and the head of the household staff.
The two of you stared at each other, and you watched his brow furrow, his dark eyes darting from you to your bag and back again. "My lady, what are you doing?"
You looked over Rafael, wondering just how much you should tell him. But lying had never been something you enjoyed, and you figured that if nothing else, Rafael deserved honesty. After all, he was the one that fulfilled the duties of a father when your own didn't want to.
"I'm leaving." You said. "I'm going to join the military. And I'm going to kill titans."
You had never been the best at reading people's faces, but even you could tell that Rafael was filled with despair. You supposed that you would be too, had he told you the same thing.
"Y/N are you insane?!" It was the first he had ever raised his voice at you, and the second that he called you by your name. "Why would you want to do that?! You're safe here!"
"And other people aren't." You replied, genuinely surprised at the level of emotion Rafael was showing. "How is it fair that other people suffer and lose everything while I get to live in safety?"
"I don't know, but that's just how the world is." Rafael said, as if you should be satisfied with that answer. He should know you better than that.
"Well I'm still going." You closed your bag and tried to leave your room, but Rafael refused to move, standing in front of the door, rooted to the ground.
"My lady, I'm not going to let you throw your life away!" Rafael grabbed your shoulders, gripping them tight. "I promised your mother I would watch over you and I intend to do so."
That gave you pause. You often wondered how Rafael felt about your mother. When she fell ill, the ones who were by her side the most were you and him. Whenever Dr Yeager came to see her, Rafael was the one who would take note of what he said and go off to get the medicine he had prescribed. The day she passed was the first time you had seen him cry.
Judging by his face now, today may bring the second.
"I'm sure she would understand." You said.
"You're safer here." Rafael insisted, sounding desperate.
"Am I?"
Your question was left hanging, the tension growing.
Rafael's left eye twitched, and his jaw clenched. He only ever did those things when he's trying to hide something. "What do you mean?"
"My mother was perfectly healthy." You said. "She got plenty of sunshine in the garden, almost everything she ate, she grew herself. She rode horses, she danced, she did everything. And then, one day, she's bedridden. Can barely move. How does that happen?"
The silence is heavy, and it seems to be doing Rafael no favours.
"Then, within a month of her dying, my father finds a new wife." You kept your gaze on Rafael, taking note of how he refuses to lift his gaze from the ground. "My father had the greatest access to my mother. They spent plenty of time together, just the two of them. Who knows what happened during those times."
"My lady, you shouldn't think such things." Rafael was trying to scold you, but his conviction was weak. "It isn't good."
"In what way?" You asked, genuinely wondering what he could mean. "Ever since his new wife arrived, I've been quarantined to this wing of the estate. How long until my father decides that doing so is too much work?"
You swallowed. It was something you had thought about a lot lately, but saying it out loud felt different. Like it was real.
The silence returned, and it looked like Rafael was desperate to break it, but he couldn't bring himself to speak.
"When I die, I want it to be on my own terms." You said finally. "If it's in the mouth of a titan, then so be it. Better that than at the whims of someone else."
There. You had said your piece. Now you just need to wait and see how Rafael will react.
"The way you're talking…" His voice was soft, but since it was just the two of you, it was easy to hear him. "It sounds like you want to join the survey corps…"
"That's right." You nodded. "They get to leave the walls. They see the titans before the rest of us. If I was with them, if they had more people, maybe what happened at Wall Maria and Shiganshina wouldn't happen again."
Rafael furrowed his brow, looking confused. "Shiganshina?"
"It was where Dr Yeager lived, remember?"
Realization dawned on Rafael. "I…I had forgotten." He sounded mournful, and almost guilty. "You were always fond of him."
It was true. Dr Yeager has always been kind to you. Even before your mother fell ill, he saw you frequently, and had tried to unravel the mystery that was your mind and how it functioned. Just about everyone else around you insisted that something had to be wrong with you, that the way you saw things, the way you acted, the way you thought, simply wasn't normal. That you were as strange and uncanny and abnormal as the titans. The only ones that didn't see you like that were, of course, your mother, and, to your surprise at the time, Dr Yeager. He had told you himself that there was nothing wrong with you, that while, yes, the way your brain worked was different from most people, it wasn't a bad thing. Adjustments may need to be made and techniques will need to be learned on your part to be able to cope in a world stacked against you, but that wasn't your fault. You weren't broken.
Your pillow had almost gotten soaked from the tears of joy you had wept into it that night.
After hearing about the fall of Maria, and the destruction of Shiganshina, you had held out hope that he and his family had survived somehow, had made it into Wall Rose as refugees. Perhaps even the interior, considering all the work he had done there. But when no word came, you gave up.
It felt like you had lost a family member.
That man had saved you and tried to save your mother. The least you could do was kill the things that killed him and his family and destroyed his home, or die trying.
"No one could've predicted what happened at Wall Maria." Rafael said gently. "The Armoured and Colossal Titans…we've never seen anything like them. No number of scouts could've stopped them."
"But they could've sent word. Warned others, giving people time to evacuate." Maybe if they had, the Yeager family would've lived.
"I'm not going to change your mind, am I?" Rafael said it like a question, but both of you knew it was a statement of fact. He sighed heavily, and there was a look in his eyes that you couldn't recognize. That surprised you.
Slowly, he stepped aside, leaving the door free for you to reach. "I'll tell your father you ran away, but I won't tell him where." Rafael promised. "I just have one request."
"Anything." After everything he's done for you, he's more than earned whatever request he's about to make.
"In the military, use your mother's maiden name." Rafael looked and sounded serious, more serious than you had ever seen him, which was saying something. In fact, he sounded borderline desperate. "Please."
You waited for him to elaborate, but he didn't. Usually this would make you reluctant to do what's asked of you, but since it's Rafael and you already promised, you nodded. "OK."
You picked up your bag, slinging it onto your back. "I'll find my way."
"I know you will, my lady." He opened the door for you, and when you walked past, he bowed, like it was any other day. "I've been truly blessed to watch you grow." He said, his voice cracking a little.
That gave you pause. Until that very moment, it never occurred to you just how much your departure would affect Rafael, or anyone else who still remained in your life. Would they all weep too?
"Thank you Rafael." And you put your hand on his shoulder. You couldn't think of anything else to do.
Even with a full backpack you moved through the halls and down the stairs like a ghost, like the wind through trees. Ever since you were a small child, you had a talent for remaining silent and unseen. Your every movement went unnoticed, like a snake in the tall grass.
You would make a game of it whenever you were bored, seeing how many times you could sneak up on others and scare them. You stopped counting after two hundred. It had stopped being fun by then.
But now it wasn't about fun, it was about necessity. While Rafael visited your wing of the estate the most, there were still a select few who were permitted entry into it, and if any of them caught you, it could complicate matters.
You kept an ear out for them, while keeping yourself to the shadows and corners, obscuring yourself as much as possible, before you made it to your destination.
The door to the garden.
Initially, when your father had walled it off, you thought it was part of his grieving process. You knew better now. On the plus side, you still had access to it, were one of the few to have access to it in fact. It had helped keep you sane during those lonelier days.
You had done your best to tend to it, to keep it as lush and thriving as it had been before. But while it had been your mother's passion project, she still had plenty of help. You had no such luxury, having only Rafael and two other maids to assist you, none of which shared your or your mother's penchant and passion for gardening, so some of it had naturally fallen into disrepair, despite your best efforts.
But the one thing that had retained the glory it enjoyed under your mother's care was the apple tree.
It stood tall and proud, creating enough shade for almost a third of the garden. The apples that came from it were true beauties, as green as the leaves, round as the sun, and juicier than anything you have ever experienced. When your mother died, your father had her buried beneath it, and you imagined that by now its roots had fully wrapped around her, in a never ending embrace. You had a lot of good memories of that tree, and that was probably why you stopped in front of it.
You gazed up into its canopy, wondering just how many leaves it boasted now, how many creatures called it home. You looked down at the large roots that peeked through the grass. You wondered which ones held your mother as you knelt before it, putting a hand on the biggest, most gnarled of the roots. It felt warm. Probably from the sun and heat, but you liked to imagine it was the flowing of your mother's blood and the force of her love.
"Dr Yeager did his best for you." You said softly, looking down at the hard, patterned wood. "Now I'll do my best for him."
Thump
You turned to your left and, to your surprise, saw an apple. You were sure you had gathered them all with Rafael the other day. But it seems this one had been hiding, waiting to ripen and reveal itself.
You picked it up, inspecting it. There were no signs of bruising, or that an insect had made it it's home. Carefully, you took a bite.
It was delicious.
You could feel the juice running down your chin, and you wiped it away.
You weren't usually one for signs, but this seemed like a good one.
Apple in hand, you left the garden.
-
Unfortunately the military recruiters had left by the time you got there, but you weren't about to let that stop you.
Using a gold embossed doorknob that you had taken from the estate, you were able to bribe a merchant leaving for Wall Rose to let you tag along. You had considered bribing the military police to get you out, but you were concerned that it would get back to the circles your father traveled in, so you avoided them. Plus, it would probably look bad for your future military career.
From that merchant you bribed another to get further out, and yet another to find out who supplies the training camp for the military, and then bribed them to take you out there.
By the time you finally got to the training grounds it was late evening, dinner time you suspected, and you had used up everything you had taken with you to use as bribery. Your apple was long gone too, but it had nourished you well enough, considering you left during lunch time.
It wasn't until the suppliers left that you realized that you didn't have a plan for this part. You had been running purely on adrenaline and passion and impulse, incredibly out of character for you.
But you had already made up your mind. You're going to join the scouts, no matter what.
You spotted the biggest building, saw that the lights were on and heard noise coming from it and figured that was as good a place as any to start. You approached it, electing to ignore the girl who seemed to be doing laps (judging by how exhausted she looked you doubted it was her choice to do so).
Without taking a second to think, you opened the door, being sure to make enough noise to be noticed, and were promptly met with silence.
You surveyed the hall, taking in the surprised expressions, when your eyes fell on one boy in particular. He appeared to be your age, and in many ways was unremarkable. He was lanky and awkwardly proportioned, most likely due to not reaching puberty just yet, with short dark brown hair. The only thing of note about him really were his eyes, which were a dark shade of green. It reminded you of the leaves of the rose bushes in the garden.
But when you looked into them…you couldn't explain it. You felt something inside you unfurl. It felt primal, a near magnetic draw to the boy that you knew for a fact you had never seen before in your life. And yet your blood felt fiery hot under your skin, your heart racing like a thoroughbred.
'Who is he?'
"By the Walls, who is this?"
You were pulled from your unexplainable trance by a voice behind you, and you turned to find a tall, older, bald man, who didn't look impressed. He glared down at you, his eyes as cold as your blood was hot.
"Well?" He snapped. "Who are you and what are you doing here?"
You blinked, finally gathering yourself together and pulled out of your daze. "I take it you're in charge." You said. "I'm a recruit, sir."
He tsked. "A recruit? Why are you late then?"
"I missed the recruiter convoy." You said. "On account of being kept inside. I had to sneak out."
"Sneak out?" The man sounded incredulous, disbelieving. "Where are you from?"
"Mitras, sir."
That caused a stir. A wave of whispers came upon the crowd, too low for you to hear anything but you could guess the gist. You didn't imagine many born in the capital would willingly join the military.
That truly seemed to have caught the man off guard. "And how did you get here, exactly, if you missed the recruiters?"
"I bribed people to get past the walls."
More whispers. It seemed you were to be the main topic of conversation and gossip, at least for a while.
The man snorted, and he seemed almost angry, like he suspected you of tricking him. "You mean to tell me you smuggled yourself out of the capital, and made your own way here, just to join the military?"
"Yes sir. I'm not sure how else I'm supposed to explain it."
The whispers ceased, plunging you all into dead silence.
The man stared down at you, while you looked past him, at a spot on the wall next to his temple. A trick you learned to make it seem like you're holding eye contact.
"Why the military?" He asked finally. "Why leave your cozy little life for this?"
You furrowed your brow. Why did people keep asking questions with obvious answers?
"Because I want to join the survey corps and kill titans." You said simply. "I want to help prevent a disaster like what happened at Wall Maria and Shiganshina. I want to protect my fellow man, and I can't do that in Mitras."
The silence stayed, and the man kept trying to stare you down, but you kept your gaze on the wall. You remained calm. You had faced worse than him.
"Your name, recruit." He said, voice low. "What is it."
'Use your mother's maiden name. Please.'
"Y/N." You said. "Y/N Chava."
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sonofthesaiyans · 1 year
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Mikasa Motherf'ing Ackerman...
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What do you say about a character who is one of the most iconic in anime, but for all of the wrong reasons? About a character who is absolutely fascinating on a surface level and a certified badass....but woefully lacking in depth and motivation or even in human interaction with anyone beyond one or two characters? 
I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me, but Mikasa Ackerman is in my opinion one of Attack on Titan’s weakest characters, and as its main female protagonist her shortcomings as a character only become more glaring as time passes. A character who after twelve years of story gradually became little more than a romantic attachment for Eren Yeager, and could not get herself away from his circle for any substantial amount of time. Much has been hinted about her relationships with the rest of the 104th, and much had been brought up about her ancestry and her ties to the Azumabito clan and Hizuru. And as most must realize, very little of any of this came to any avail. Her interactions are frustratingly limited, and so little has been elaborated on in regards to her profoundly important role as an Ackerman that it loses credibility the longer it fails to deliver on all that had been alluded to over the course of the final act.
And of course, no clarification on her relationship with Levi. But that’s peanuts compared to all else, so I digress.
What’s really sad is that Mikasa is probably the character who made Trina Nisihmura a household name, even though she’s had countless roles elsewhere, big and small. Mikasa is by far her most recognizable role, but I don’t think it’s unfair to say Mikasa may be one of her weakest characters. This of course is none of her own fault, her performance is rock solid. But her talents are wasted on someone who refuses to emerge from their shell in the story. 
For a manga and anime that prided itself on strong female characters, there’s actually a lot of evidence to show that no, this is wildly overstated and I think we’ve all seen how Isayama has treated his main girls since the ocean scene. Mikasa unfortunately is not an exception to the trend even with her almost unmatched combat prowess. 
I don’t like to hate on Mikasa, she was the one who first caught my attention when I stumbled upon Attack on Titan. She was my initial favorite and I REALLY want to love this character. But it’s hard for me to even like her because she just fell into the same tired pitfall so many supposedly strong female leads have in so many stories. It’s frustrating that I can’t genuinely enjoy Mikasa because she’s really got nothing to offer outside of her fight scenes. And you all know my feelings on Eremika. So no, that doesn’t help me to connect with her. 
There’s the characters I hate. And then there’s the characters I don’t want to hate. I definitely will have more to say on Mikasa later but I just really needed to air out my bitter disappointment in her. The story sure loves to boast of Mikasa, but none of it is earned. Isayama, par for the course, fails to deliver on the weight of her still very mysterious and unique position in the story between Eren and the Titans. Again, I cannot reiterate my belief that Sasha Braus easily could’ve been a stronger main heroine than Mikasa wound up being. Or Historia and Ymir, or even Petra, easily, just to name a few. And there’s others I’d say should’ve been given that chance too since what we have now with Mikasa Ackerman just doesn’t work. And it’s a huge shame. 
Mikasa Deserves Better. Call that a hint of more to follow. In time, of course. 
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wyvernslovecake · 1 year
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AOT Characters and their ASOIAF Dragons P1
Been on a Game of Thrones kick lately, so I decided to match up Aot characters with the dragons who I think suit them best. None of them are Targaryens obviously, but I always thought the claim that only those with Valyrian blood could tame dragons was just propaganda the Targaryens thought up to justify dragons belonging exclusively to the royal family. So dragons for everyone!🐲🐉
Eren: The Cannibal
Black hair/scales and green eyes, vicious temperament, cannibalism. Cannibal's face even vaguely looks like the Attack Titan's.
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Cannibal canonically never had a rider and devoured anyone who tried to claim him. Eren is the only one crazy enough to try and not even Cannibal's savage will could hold a candle to that of a Jeager's.
Mikasa: Meleys
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One of the fastest dragons with a great track record for wilful ladies as her rider. Plus she compliments Mikasa's scarf!
Armin: Seasmoke
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A fair-tempered dragon with a strong connection to the sea for our favorite ocean-loving bookworm. And who Armin will not abandon to flee the country with his boyfriend. Yes, I'm still salty about that. LEANOR, COME GET YOUR DRAGON, HE'S BEEN WAITING FOR SIX YEARS! 😠
Jean: Syrax
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I'll be honest, this was 90% because Syrax is a horse-like dragon 💀💀💀 But she's also a pampered court dragon, just like how Jean wanted a cushy life as an MP in the inner circle. Syrax would see significantly more battle experience with Jean as her rider, though he would also spoil her like crazy.
Sasha: Sheepstealer (hasn't made his show debut yet so here's a dramatization)
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A muddy brown glutton of a dragon who has surprising strength in battle. He's practically Sasha in dragon form.
Connie: Vermax
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They're both scrappy boys :)
Marco: Arrax
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Sweet boys who deserved better. Because they both died from getting torn in half.
Erwin: Vermithor
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It's only fitting that the Survey Corp's most esteemed leader should mount the dragon of Westeros's most successful king.
Hange: Dreamfyre (this pic doesn't show off how pretty and blue she is, but it's the only official kinda clear look at her so it is what it is ig)
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Dreamfyre was known for laying clutches upon clutches of eggs, so it seemed fitting to match this mama dragon up with the Survey Corp's mama bear. Plus Dreamfyre's riders have either been strong-willed or strange, two things which fit Hange like a glove.
Levi: Grey Ghost
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Admitedly there's barely anything to go off of canon-wise since Grey Ghost also didn't have a rider and was so elusive and shy that he was seldom seen. But I like to think that a skilled and compassionate rider could have really brought out his potential as a stealthy steed, which is why he gets Levi! Plus he held his own against Sunfyre enough to leave some serious damage and it's implied that he and Cannibal may have beef with each other, kinda like Levi eventually had to do with Eren.
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misscoolisback123 · 2 months
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I hate that Jean still became second best to Eren in Mikasa's heart in the end. No shade or blame towards Mikasa herself, but Jean deserved better.
I know, right? I don't hate Mikasa at all, but I hate the fact that Jean and nobody else tries to get Mikasa some therapy and talk some sense into her. It's one thing to be saddened by the death of someone, but it's the fact that Eren is her brother and the fact that nobody has said anything about her feelings towards him were and are still creepy is beyond me. I don't think anyone has the heart to tell her. Eren and Mikasa are not star-crossed lovers. If anything, that trope goes to Eren and Historia. It's extremely difficult to lose someone you love, but knowing that Mikasa wants to be buried next to him is disturbing. Basically, what I'm saying is that Mikasa still sees him as her lover. Knowing what Eren did before he was killed, I'm surprised he even had a proper burial. I would think that people would have burned his body.
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Nico invents a story about a female teacher asking Eren on a date to push Mikasa to make a move herself since he wants her to date his teacher so bad bc he thinks Eren is cool
OMG YES!!!
Something suspicious is going on, but Mikasa just can't quite put her finger on it. And besides, how diabolical can a five-year-old really be?
There's no way he'd lie right? She's not raising THAT much of a little monster, right?
And yet, her mommy senses are tingling as the little boy in front of her, sitting at the table innocently chomping on his grilled cheese.
"What did you just say Nico?" "Mr. Yeager has a date tonight!"
Mikasa chops the knife down onto her own grilled cheese just a little too hard, a perfect diagonal slice right across the middle. "And how do you know that?" Nico shrugs, "He told the whole class, asked if his outfit was nice enough." Mikasa tries her best to restrain herself from doing anything too rash, because Eren has a date. And it's the beginning of the Christmas season, or maybe a better term for it might be, cuffing season...
Yes, cuffing season, the time Mikasa laments every year. It's the only time she ever feels genuinely sad about not being in a relationship. Normally, she doesn't care, why would she, she doesn't need a man, or a woman for that matter, she has Nico, and a good family and that's more than enough. But during the holidays it feels like the only thing people care about is that she has a partner.
Her mom is always asking after any boyfriends, and all of the Christmas activities she tries to take Nico to are filled with perfect nuclear families, a mom, a dad, a kid.
And now, to here the only romantic prospect she's been interested in in years has a date, with another girl, it doesn't exactly have her jumping for joy.
But the way her son is so excitedly chewing his grilled cheese while he chats about the merits of Mr. Yeager's date has her hackles up high. She knows her kid and she knows him well, whichever sperm donor she used had resulted in demon spawn because the little rascal is always causing trouble. "So Mr. Yeager really has a date?" "Yup," Nico tells her merrily, dipping his grilled cheese into the tomato soup she'd made, "He says she's real pretty too, maybe they'll get married mama."
At this, Mikasa grits her teeth, she's not exactly thrilled about the prospect, but she still doesn't entirely believe Nico's charade. Especially not when just yesterday, she'd found him marrying his teddy bears in his room, and she'd very distinctly heard, "I Eren, take you Mikasa and Nico to be my family forever." She doesn't believe her kid in the least, he wants a dad and she knows it, and more importantly, he wants Eren as his dad. "So you're telling me that in front of the whole class Eren asked you guys to tell him what you thought about his date?" "Yes," Nico says, a little more meekly this time.
"Did he say where they were gonna go?" "Umm," Nico swallows down a bite of sandwich nervously, "A restaurant." "Which one?" "He didn't say." Lies!
Mikasa hums as she ladles out her own bowl of soup, "Well maybe I should call him up later, see how it went, you know how we're such good friends Nico." "No!" Nico gasps, and Mikasa smirks, she's got him. She raises an eyebrow at her child, "Why not? I just want to know if Eren had a good time, I have some great restaurants I know for second dates." Nico deflates, "He's not going on a date Mama."
Take that demon spawn!
Mikasa smirks, "I know baby, now finish your soup, I'm gonna call Eren anyway."
Nico looks worried at her response, gripping his spoon tightly and Mikasa puts her child out of his misery, "I think maybe he deserves a nice home-cooked meal tonight, and we have so much extra soup after all." Nico absolutely beams, "Yes! Can I help make his grilled cheese?" "Of course Nico." Eren might not have a date tonight, but either way, it's still cuffing seasons and she doesn't particularly relish the thought that he might find one any time soon.
Might as well make her moves now.
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fromriches-tosin · 4 months
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For the Fanfic Wrapped Ask Game:
🤩,💖, 📚 and 😍 !
🤩 What's your favorite fic you posted this year?
I love all of them, but looking back at this year, I think I like My Best Enemy the most (although Never Let Me Go is probably the most well-written one). I had loads of fun writing it; I still think the idea of Jean staying behind in Marley is awesome, the plot came to me with no effort at all, and it was my first attempt at writing smut as well. Also, I was working on the last chapter at a tattoo studio while waiting for my appointment – which is very funny in retrospect.
💖 Was there a comment or another piece of feedback that made you feel all the warm and fuzzies?
Honestly, I'm blown away by the feedback I've gotten. I would probably have to mention each and every comment here because they all made my heart flutter. Every time someone told me I had turned them into a ReiJean fan, every time someone mentioned that my fic had made them feel better after a shitty day, every time someone confessed I had made them cry, every time someone took their precious time to write a whole chapter analysis, going over all the little details... I appreciate it so, so much.
📚 How many wips are you taking into 2024?
So... many. Battle Tendency is my main project at the moment, but I really want to write five short stories for the upcoming ReiJean Week (I hope I will be able to do that, I've already started working on them). Aside from those, I have that one dark WIP centered around the idea of the Alliance failing to stop Eren. I also want to write a longer post-Rumbling fic about Jean and Reiner slowly getting together (while trying not to get killed by assassins from Paradis). Last week I came up with an idea of a canon divergence AU where Eren and Mikasa escape from Marley together, and Paradis gets destroyed as a result (Jean survives thanks to my magic, obviously). I've already promised someone I'd write a sequel to One Night in Marley. I also had a request for an ABO-themed fic, although I'd like to take a rather unusual approach to it. And then there are several smaller WIPs I have mentioned on the blog before (the mafia/coffee shop AU, the Attack on School Castes-inspired one etc.). Basically, I have outlines for those stories, but I'm afraid I won't have enough time for all of them in 2024.
😍 What's one of your favorite lines or exchanges you wrote this year?
I'm fond of quite a few exchanges between Jean and Reiner, but the one that came to my mind now is from My Best Enemy – when Reiner and Jean are fighting for the first time, and Reiner berates Jean for his involvement in the Raid on Liberio:
���I don’t care if guilty conscience drives you mad or if you drown in your grief, but I will make sure that you don’t give your life for Eren.” Reiner keeps talking over him, all collected again. “I want you to live long enough to see past all of this. I will not let go of that kid who showed mercy to a monster in Shiganshina. I will not forsake the kid who had a heart big enough to save my life even when death was all I deserved. I want that kid back.”
Thank you!! 💜💜
Fanfic Wrapped Ask Game
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anlian-aishang · 1 year
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What's your unpopular aot opinion if you have any?
OOF okay I have very many hot takes. I am going to put this beneath the cut at the risk of upsetting others. Read at your own volition and plz don't send me angry mail lol. It's all just a bunch of drawings <3
This is only up to where the anime is so far (posted 12/22/23). It is not about fandom, of which I have way more unpopular opinions 😅
// I don't have respect for Mikasa. I think she's one-note. I don't understand why people like her. She is a total pushover for Eren and has disregard for everyone else. I find it annoying.
// I don't find any Levi x anyone ship superior to others or more obvious than others. In my archive, you'll see that most ship-art I reblog is Eruri, but I really don't see anything in official canon that confirms them over levihan or rivetra or any others. I truly think that the amount of Eruri doujinshi I have read is solely responsible for my soft spot for that pairing.
// Sorry sorry sorry to all my Zeke-loving pals, but I think Zeke is sooooooo not attractive, neither inside nor out. I don't care if his dad was too overbearing or if his childhood was hard. Newsflash: there are plenty of characters who had unhappy upbringings and did not end up fetishizing eugenics :P Also - wow - that beard and those glasses gotta gooooo 😪
// Still don't like Gabi. Still don't like her. Sorry not sorry. Don't find anything about her likable. I have heard the argument that she is just a kid, and I agree with that to the extent that I forgive her for some of her ignorant opinions and Sasha-killing actions - BUT that doesn't mean I should cross the threshold and start to like her.
// I think the Marley arc was very poorly paced. Did they really expect us to fall out of love with all the characters we had gotten to know over the last 3 seasons in like ~10 episodes?
// I think MAPPA's animation is not as good as Wit's. I understand that they are overworked and underpaid, and that really sucks and makes what they did produce commendable. But if we were to just look at face value, an objective side-by-side, I think Wit's style is much better. I feel that it shows - that MAPPA was rushed in production. There are too many still images, not enough shading, too few frames, too many low-quality levis. So many of the frames look like they were first drafts, not meant for final productions. And PLZ I will be the first to say that I could not do better, but I am not very impressed with what I've seen :/ I would have rather them delayed it for another four years to give it the animation quality it deserves.
// I think Hange's character is very complex and deserves more screentime. They can be the most serious and grounding, but also the most berserk at various times. What is going on in their mind? Why are they the way that they are? I wish we could have seen more backstory - or even just one monologue about their duality.
// JEAN'S SCRUFF NOOOOOOOO SHAVE IT PLZ. Marleyan!Eren, too fdsjakfjskalfj I am simply not a facial hair fan x-x Not even Levi gets a pass on that :P
// I don't understand the Pieck hype? Like, I still see her as a bad guy for her RTS actions, and I have yet to see her have any remorse.
// Besides THAT ONE FRAME OF THE ANIME, I didn't think Levi pulled off the suit.
// On the other hand, S1 Levi gets so much unnecessary hate. Plz be nice to our lil fidget spinning sweetheart and those of us who adore himmm 🥺
// Also, Eren Kruger = A WHOLE SNACK 😤
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