#but i have nothing to romanticise rn

[iwasbored777]

You know, looking at Gabriel and Nathalie, I love the subtile way of showing how abusive relationships work out and who gets the shorter end

Nathalie left him, after years of abuse that she allowed him thinking he'll change or he's not that bad, but now she might never walk again. She might never recover. Him? His panic attack is like a "heartbreak" of some sort. Like he lost that person in his life. But he still has everything he had before her and he got someone else. Now let's put ALL my jokes on this topic aside and you know I'm talking about Ikarimoth, I'm dead serious rn, Tomoe is a replacement for Nathalie - it's clear as a day - but let's not forget Nathalie was a replacement for Emilie. While Gabriel is insanely obsessed with Emilie his biggest obsession is power and he never has enough of it and all these women in his life that come and go are just his collateral damage. Gabriel moved on after a day or two, he found a new, as I would say "side piece", which is exactly what Tomoe and Nathalie both were to him. I don't necessarily mean this as a sexual thing, but they are all replaceable to him. He can find a new one tomorrow and what's Nathalie going to do now that she's moments away from death? She'll probably never walk on her own again, which is like a metaphor that it isn't only her medical condition that is permanently damaged - it's her life too. She spent years on him and her heart is broken and she was his victim. We don't know if Tomoe will run away when Gabriel first tries to put her in the same position or if she'll let it happen until it's too late and when she wakes up it's over. But for Nathalie, you see how she came back to watch Adrien sleep because her life was this family, it was Gabriel mostly, she doesn't have anything else in her life. And now that she's not with him anymore, she's got nothing left. Abusive relationships are like that, it's like you're a part of a cult - your life revolves around your abuser and he's your whole world and once he's gone you don't have anything else to live for because they isolated you from the happiness you used to know - he's doing the same to Adrien as you could recognise from the way I worded it out. While abusers, or more precisely, Gabriel, has a life, he has other things to do, you're not the only thing he lives for, and that's why the break up is never as troubling for him as it is to you. (I'm saying "him" because I'm talking about a man in this case but abusers can be women as well, I'm just giving you example)

But, what matters is, Nathalie came out of their relationship with scars, Gabriel didn't. The new companion, the new technology, the new suit - it's the new beginning for him. He can move on because he didn't depend on her, she depended on him and she still does because she grew attached to him emotionally, he didn't grow attached to her - at least not that much. So when you think about it, Nathalie didn't win, she lost, she lost long before she left. She's too old (not a grandma but you know what I mean) and too sick to restart her life and carry on. And that is why we should all learn a good lesson from this, not romanticise it, not idolise it, we should learn. She's not a representative of feminism and her horrible experience is not a slay 'girl slay girl power for life' moment, she's a victim of abuse and she reached the rock bottom. She's a survivor who made bad choices for her abuser, not a strong role model kids should look up to and before you say something against the writing the show DOESN'T represent her as such, they know what they're doing with her character. Whether we find it sympathetic or not her character arc is SAD and she's doomed and the writers truly have b*lls to write something like this in a show for kids.

#miraculous ladybug #nathalie sancoeur #Gabriel Agreste #Gabenath salt #Ml analysis #Nathalie analysis

[armandjolras]

Sweeney Todd and Mrs Lovett for the ship ask, and then also Todolf (for what I assume will be "don't ship" xD) & Elisabeth x Der Tod!

thanks for asking! I will put it under a cut

Sweenett

What made you ship it?

The revival 😂 I don’t really ship it in other versions, because the revival romanticised and humanised their relationship. I love ships with insane chemistry where one character obsessively loves the other, while the other feels traces of love but is incapable of giving enough in return. Especially with an inevitable tragic end. Also Josh and Annaleigh are both very attractive especially together hehe.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

To paraphrase Josh Groban’s thoughts, Sweeney is too far gone to ever truly love another person, but with Mrs Lovett he can be silly again and she makes him laugh when he most needs it. Their relationship was never going to last given the circumstances, but it was special and unique while it did.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

this is kinda nsfw lol but I don’t really see Sweeney bringing a lot of his murdery energy to sex. I totally understand why people like to imagine him pressing the cleaver to her neck and similar things, because that is very fun, but I personally see him as passionate but very vanilla. Just my opinion rn though so it might change idk 😂

Also, while Mrs Lovett is aware that she loves him much more than he loves her, I don’t see her as being very insecure in the relationship. I think having a relationship with him is way more than she ever dreamed would happen, so she’s very happy with what she has. And she has no fear at all that he will ever leave her, because she’s confident in her lie about Lucy.

Todolf

Why don’t you ship it?

ok to be completely honest I just don’t think I much of a Tod girlie 😂 I think the character is fine and interesting, but he’s not one of my favourites, I just think he’s solid for what the story needs. So I’m already not passionate about Tod. And then I am not a big Rudolf fan, I enjoy hearing others talk about Rudolf and he’s great as a meme, but I don’t connect with him much.

What would have made you like it?

If Rudolf was a lesbian and Tod was Stephanie instead 😌 Srs though I don’t dislike it, I think it’s a compelling ship, I love seeing intense Schattens and mayerlings, it’s just not for me

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

Gay representation! Love to see it 😌 thanks for nothing mr kunze. I think the schatten choreo and mayerling kiss are very sexy. I also love how passionate others are about the ship!

Elisatod

Why don’t you ship it?

Not a huge tod fan but also, I prefer when he is a metaphorical representation of Elisabeth’s suicide ideation rather than a magical guy she is in love with. I think her main goal should be freedom and even if death looks like her favourite twink poet she doesn’t actually want him like that.

What would have made you like it?

I think I would like it if it were romanticised, but differently. The KKOG-prod romanticisation is very sexless and bland, they say they love each other but there’s no passion there. I would like a tod who is overwhelmed by his unexpected feelings for Elisabeth, like Máté but in a less cocky way, and an Elisabeth who is really passionately attracted to him. Still idk if I would actually ship it, because even with all the Elisatod combos I haven’t yet, but I might be more into it.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

I think it’s very beautiful and romantic in Essen! I also love the bonds between actors, how Pia+Uwe and Maya+Mate are still friends

[ae-neon]

2,8,9 and 10?

(Sorry if it's too much lol)

Never too much, especially since I'm procrastinating work rn 💀

2. A compelling argument for why my fave would never top or bottom?

Difficult, I'm a switch supremacist. Also I'm gonna assume we're talking about dom/sub rather than top or bottom (there's not nearly as much reasoning behind topping or bottoming besides what you like physically, not all bottoms are subs and not all tops are dominant)

Overall for Nesta I just think she'd generally dom because so much of her life has been out of her control in the worst ways, there'd need to be a lot of trust and maybe even therapy before she'd be in the right state of mind to healthily enjoy subbing rather than using it as a way to punish herself.

Nesta in general is a reciprocator and that's a good foundation for being a domme

8. Common fandom opinion everyone is wrong about?

The idea that there's someone to blame for the cabin years. Everyone was literally just coping

9. Worst part of canon?

Where to begin??? Canon is a wonky spider web, most of it is just wholes and the lines that do exist connect wrong and change randomly

No names. No consistent backstories. No logic. Fae who don't have anything Fae about them. Solar Courts not being solar. Illyrian Steppes are not Steppes. Etc etc

10. Worst part of fanon?

Feyre fans either ignoring her SA or romanticising it (but I guess that's canon too lol)

Nessian fans acting like Mor is the biggest problem in their ship.

Rhys fans calling him morally grey then saying he literally did nothing wrong (they obviously don't know what morally grey means)

Nesta fans not embracing bitchy Nesta (early Nesta is actually part of what makes her great, idc idc)

#ask game #anon asks #anti sjm

[obsessedwithbooksandmusic]

Heyyy so another poem? If you are wondering, why I’m posting these like super quickly rn here are the answers. Short answer: It’s the holidays and I have nothing better to do. Long answer: I am impatient AND I have quite a bit of content already (*checks notes literally* 8 full length songs and like 9 random verses which I have yet to acc incorporate into a song), and that’s not including the ones I will write since they take me usually around like 20-25 min?? I mean I only write lyrics and I know the tune, I’m just really bad at acc using my keyboard, which I acc know how to play, to find chords but I’m working on that! Anyways so little look into my writing process is what you also get, hence why the answer was long.

ok, I am respectfully rambling, so moving to what the poem acc is, it’s about Alina and Mal from the Shadow and Bone trilogy. Lots of people kinda hate on their relationship in the books and yes, it’s slightly boring, but I still like the idea of Alina’s hiding place from all her fame and responsibilities being Mal. So, this is me trying to romanticise their relationship even more so people acc see how cute it is and could be if we had seen if more in-depth after Ruin and Rising:

Everyone wants me to be their saviour They don't even see my fears I must always consider the greater good But with you I can share the real truth I don't care for these prayers The always expectant stares With you I always feel like myself I long for our wedding bells With you I can escape You are my only safe place We shall hide away in peace Walk hand-in-hand down the streets You will be my everlasting company Because I love you and you love me

so there’s that, hope you guys liked it and sorry for the unnecessary rambling at the beginning!

@sleepless-crows - I know you asked to be tagged for Matthias and Nina but you would probably like to see this as well

@tys-kitty - not shadowhunters I know but there will be a kit and Ty one very soon!

#hope you guys like it #alina starkov #mal oretsev #alina and mal #shadow and bone #grishaverse #ruin and rising #siege and storm #violet‘s songs/poems

[rollercoasterwords]

hey, i'm a bit torn on The Captive Prince rn, as a popular review on Goodreads said that it had explicit r@pe scenes between the main couple?? I'm not quite sure, as I am very very interested in the trilogy as a whole, but if it romanticises a toxic relationship to the extent where the main character is abused by his love interest I'm not sure if it's worth it skdfjsldkfjs

I know this has nothing to do with marauders, I just saw that you have a fanfiction on the trilogy and I trust ur judgement bc u r always correct <3

this is.....a very messy question to get into but i'll try my best lmao. + while i appreciate that u value my opinion please keep in mind that my opinion is just that -- my opinion. i'll explain a bit about my own feelings on the captive prince trilogy, but at the end of the day it's gonna be ur own decision whether or not it's something u want to read or something you'd rather avoid!

putting everything under a cut tho bc. many tws. and some spoilers abt things the series contains. also long lol

so, short answer - yes, there are multiple sexual assault scenes in the first book. the premise of the series is that two neighboring kingdoms, vere and akielos, have been enemies since akielos invaded vere ~7 years ago + the resulting battle ended with the deaths of vere's king + heir, and the cession of some land to akielos. now, years later, the crown prince of akielos is betrayed by his brother, who overthrows him in a coup and sends him to vere as a slave, telling everyone in akielos that he died.

when the prince, damen, gets to vere, he's given as a gift to the prince of vere, laurent, the younger brother of the heir who got killed in battle. since his older brother's death, laurent became heir, but because he was a child his uncle took over as regent. laurent is due to take over in like a year when he turns 20. now, his uncle + damen's brother are trying to negotiate a peace treaty/alliance, which is ostensibly why akielos sent slaves to vere as a sign of goodwill.

laurent famously hated akielons since his dad + brother were killed by them, and he is incredibly hostile + cruel towards damen from the moment they meet in book 1. he tries to engineer to have damen raped by a soldier as part of a ritual "performance" typical in vere, which is stopped when damen knocks out the soldier. he then essentially goads damen into sexually harassing him and has him whipped almost to death as punishment. after that, there's another assault-by-proxy where laurent has a courtier's "pet" (prostitutes who most courtiers in vere employ, which is typical to their culture) perform oral sex on damen even though damen clearly says no.

it's important to understand that this series was originally (from my understanding) written as a kinky story, meant specifically for an audience who was into those kinks. it wasn't meant to be a very nuanced commentary on sexual assault or rape culture. personally, i found the first book so uncomfortable that i almost dnf'd, but i ended up deciding to give the second book a chance bc i was like "how is pacat possibly going to make these characters like each other"--and i'm glad i did, as i now truly love the series. but i'm not gonna sugarcoat; there's sexual assault in the first book, and it's essentially the (eventual) love interest perpetrating it against the protagonist.

the thing is, the two characters aren't love interests in the first book. they are clearly and unequivocally enemies. the scenes with assault are not meant to be taken as romantic; they are very, very clearly assault. pacat doesn't beat around the bush with that. and it's not until about halfway through book 2 that the characters begin to even warm up to each other; it's not until book 3 that they really become love interests. it's also not until book 3 that the reader gets some very important information that recontextualizes a lot of laurent's actions throughout the series, which doesn't excuse what happens in book 1, but does make it a whole lot more complicated than "this character is evil and morally depraved."

so! to get to the essential question you're asking--does the series romanticize a toxic relationship? different people will have different answers for you, and my opinion is solely my own. but personally--no, i don't think it's romanticizing toxic relationships. the point of the book isn't to make abuse seem like something romantic; rather, to me, the abuse functions narratively largely to set up the question - can two people who have deeply and irrevocably hurt each other ever move past those wounds? the entire story is about trauma and healing and when you can forgive someone who has hurt you, and when you can't, and breaking cycles of abuse, and that's why i love it so much. if these were real-life people who treated each other the way they do in book 1, i'd probably be like "yeah there's no coming back from that." but this is fiction, so what's important to me is what the story is doing narratively with the horrible shit the characters have done to each other, y’know? it raises a lot of messy questions to grapple with, and i appreciate that. but not everyone wants a story that goes so far in asking those questions, and that's understandable! that's why i usually don't recommend the series unless i know the person i'm recommending it to, and i encourage anyone interested to look up trigger warnings before going into it.

at the end of the day, the whole arc of damen + laurent's relationship is basically showing that they need to break from any toxicity in order to have a relationship in the first place. it's not until they start treating each other better that any sort of romance begins to grow. so, to me, saying that it "romanticizes toxic relationships" is a bit reductive, because it misrepresents like... the purpose of the book. it's not written as a guide to romance; readers aren't meant to look at damen + laurent's relationship and go "that's what a good relationship looks like!" it's meant to tell a story about the darker side of grappling with trauma + figuring out how to move on from it, and also to tell an interesting story about political intrigue + fucked up characters + a war between two made-up countries, and to that extent i think it does an amazing job, even though i still find the assault scenes uncomfortable. but personally, i think it's better to approach books with controversial or difficult subject matter not by looking at them and saying "what is this book going to tell me to think," but instead by looking at them and saying "what is this book going to ask me about what i think?" sometimes you'll decide a particular book is a conversation worth having, other times you'll decide to skip it! but what i try to avoid is acting like books themselves are like....The Bearers of Morality. i think that was a message i got a lot growing up in a conservative religious environment--some media is Good and some media is Bad, and you can't ever interact with the Bad media because that makes you a Bad person--so now i tend to be wary of it!

#tw sa #ask

[deaneybabyinc]

im going insane and i feel like im not real rn so im gonna ramble about my object crushes and various proclivities of mine

im into like base level objectum stuff the eroticism of the machine and whatnot. i think my favorite object attractions are bulky pcs (this laptop does nothing for me i need her to be thick) and sharp objects, i especially love craft supplies that i've bonded with. me and my box cutter are best friends i use her for every project. romantically i really enjoy an object who is there for me and is somewhat diy or battered, something with history you know. i like to think about the life the object has lived and how it still functions despite it. i really have a fun bond with my car. she was my grandmothers car and she has a lot of life in her. shes a 2012 white prius and i care for her a lot. my favorite white girl <3 i also am really into a lot of mathematical concepts i dont know how to explain it but i just think about them and their perfection and i love them. especially shape math like geometry and trigonometry really fascinate me. trigonometry is so hot man like that retro video of the angles of the triangle.... the panties hit the floor.

i rarely develop crushes outside of my specific niches but i do that a thing going on with my among us plushie which is so fucked for me like why did my brain decide on the among us plushie to develop this relationship with kinda fucked up. but their name is mungus and theyre a mungus of the mungus species and i saw them in the store and literally was attached immediately like i was like "okay i have seen you on this shelf and now i love you forever" and theyve hung out with me ever since. we had kind of a sexual fling but i kept getting embarrassed when i remembered that uh. thats a crewmate from the hit game amongus available on all platforms. they're yellow and have a leaf on their head. i love you mungus

i feel like i have been a lot more accepting of thoughts and feelings like this recently. i used to have such a complex about being sane which i think is normal when you have an extensive history of delusions and hallucinations that are really distressing and negative. and because i was so scared of going back to that place i completely rejected everything that wasnt objective reality. but like thats not the person i am. and its so difficult having a heart that falls in love with computers and kins passionately and wants to believe in gods and spirits and past lives and magic and having a brain that is so so scared and cannot let that become true. and i kept yearning for the good parts of being actively delusional. when i wasn't convinced that my room is covered in invisible spiders and i was burning alive and everything smelled like fresh meat, i sometimes felt important and connected with everything and like i knew who i was. which is maybe the only thing that kept me from completely falling apart during these times. the world was agonizing me but its for a reason, and i am so many people but theyre all me. every part of me from the ugly to the beautiful had a special spot. and yes im romanticising it all but its hard not to

anyways it all kinda flipped after i was hospitalized the last time. i lost who i was to precious sanity and to give myself credit ive re-created myself pretty well. but i feel like theres a hole in it. the self crumbled and ive been picking up pieces and trying to throw pieces away that i didnt want to fit in but you cant throw them away they always stay. all that to say i have been trying to reincorporate whimsy and have been doing an admittedly kind of shitty job lol

[danagoestorehab]

5 stages of grief

w momentarily i’m definitely in the anger stage of three whole grieving this. like fuck this fuck them FUCK the universe i deserve everything i deserve nothing this is all somebody else’s fault but mostly my own and life isn’t fair and it should be and why the fuck should poor me have to deal w this shit again and i’m really sick of listening to the same taylor swift song on repeat but im also too antsy to focus on anything else and i want vengeance or something BIG and definitely should download a voice changer app on my phone or post their number on a weird thread on craigslist but also maybe i should be more angry at myself because i fuck things up but then being melodramatic and doing all of the shit i usually do would definitely prove them right but maybe also make them feel guilty so i reckon im probably in the right frame of mind and not at all being a covert-narcissist-disguised-as-altruist to actually commit to my PHD out OF spite and do all those big plans i always talk about doing but never get around to and then i can hand in the genius ramblings of a doctorate probably and publically blame them in my acknowledgments because that sounds like the only sane and semi reasonable solution rn

but then i’m also in the sad girlie part of grief where it feels like i’ve lost something really big and i could spend all day replaying out how things SHOULD have gone but the nice nurses from the one flew over the cuckoos nest placey reminded me that should is a no no word and i should use COULD instead to not feel guilty so maybe i could cry about the fact that this is shitty and it’s probably okay to feel shitty and i’m probably gonna be sad about being sad for a while and that’s okay too. but it’s also sad to think about being sad and being okay with it when girlies very aware her track history of being okay with things isn’t very great. and my sadness doesn’t always look the same like sometimes it’s very clear sadness and i’m all snotty in bed listening to the sane lorde ‘liability’ track as if i’m actually the antagonist in some some shitty novel and that’s my theme track. as if romanticising the ways in which everything’s gone wrong might make it hurt less and then i don’t have to think about my sadness as always being there or how things will be more sad before they’re less sad. or sometimes my sadness looks like a normal girl wearing clothes having a conversation with people downstairs or outside and feeling okay before they say something and i realise they have their own lives are their own lives aren’t broken in the same way as mine is and my okayness is a short term pretence and that’s even sadder so i quietly excuse myself and go back to my room and sit with these feelings of being an egomaniac w no one to talk to as i hear laughter from different places around my flat whilst i look at the same for corners of my room

the guilt bits really hard too because i already feel so guilty about everything all the time. And if people ever think i don’t hold myself accountable for my actions because they see someone so clearly not giving a fuck about everything as she pours it all down the drain, then i want to remind them or maybe myself that my guilt bothers me. famously, so often to the point where i can’t really function and find refuge in the solace of my local psychiatric ward. how i feel guilty towards my sisters or friends or the things which could have been or you for having to listen to yet another one of my long winded rants. or that how really i know my guilt is just self serving and i find myself feeling guilty for lives i never lived which i probably could have. where i had gone off and done good things and been nicer to others and lived properly instead of spending another night sitting in my room. i feel guilty to all of the people i assured that i would get better and i feel guilty that this final time never got to happen itself into existence. i feel guilty that a lot of people expected this situation and probably aren’t entirely surprised. i feel guilty for lorna after spending four hours of not sleeping and deciding to contact the local ombudsman at 4 in the morning. i feel guilty for all of the things i’ve ever felt guilt for and all of the things i know i’m going to have to feel guilty about in the short term future. i feel guiltier than most of the criminals i see on the defence stand of the shows i watch to try and distract myself from how guilty i feel about everything. i feel guilty for taking up your phone space and i feel guilty for even putting other people in a situation in which they have to witness my guilt as it also invites them to be culpable

denial? can’t really relate to that one cal they’re probably going to feel really really guilty very shortly for the way they’ve treated me and send me an email offering me the penthouse suite and bestest person award at the rehab in all honesty. jesus christ. i’m sure the ombudsman will arrange me some nice travel there. that’s probably the only reason i haven’t written bad reviews about them on google yet cal. because when they do let me in very shortly and we willl have a laugh about this then i won’t have to answer for that haha

waiting to be able to talk about that one

#spilled ink #spilled poetry #mental health #5 stages of grief #spilled ink writing #spilled thoughts #grief #rehab

[punkscowardschampions]

Toni & China

Toni: I’ve been ringing you

China: Sorry, sorry, been a mad one

China: I was about to call you back, what’s up

Toni: I’m gonna take off school for a bit, can I have your notes from [whatever cores and classes they have]?

China: Oh, shit, you must actually be feeling like death if you’re having time off, swot

China: what have you got

Toni: something really contagious if [their friends] ask

China: but the truth…

Toni: it’s been a mad one here as well, the maddest

China: is it Arch

Toni: yeah, I found out who her boyfriend is and she’s gone off with him, my ma’s busy trying to get her brought back home

China: Oh God

China: but what aren’t you saying, ‘cos you wouldn’t say your ma was busy if that wasn’t code for too busy to be worried about you rn

Toni: I went there, could tell she was at nan’s caravan, I thought I’d warn him off her, or fetch her back, but it didn’t go like that

China: She was fuming

Toni: that’s nothing I can’t handle, haven’t before, I was gonna drag her back by hair or the few clothes she had on, whatever I had to, but I didn’t expect what he was gonna do

China: Tone

China: what little twat was it

Toni: wasn’t, it’s only Bobby’s brother, the one who’s not married

China: Casey?

China: Jesus, and he hit you, what the actual fuck

China: she was only 14 this summer

Toni: trust her to pick the actual psycho, right

Toni: anyway, she fucking left me there

China: that’s disgusting, how’d he hit you, like how are you hurt I mean

Toni: I mean, it couldn’t be more dramatic

Toni: cos obviously, if I wanted to be in school I’d have to turn up with a shit ton of concealer on I’ve never worn before and I can’t do no work if I was since I can’t put my glasses on without wincing, like

China: I will fucking kill him, if your family doesn’t get there first

China: you’ll give yourself an even worse headache, don’t try, that’s sorted, don’t worry

China: what a sick bastard

Toni: I don’t reckon there’s a worse headache, I went to my nan’s, the house is too quiet and even with all the layers I can get on myself I still was just shivering so much it took ages to light up, but it’s well loud there 

Toni: Libi made toast and I had an actual heart attack, not at all mortifying

China: do you want me to come over so you can be at yours

China: I had to look after my ma loads before and she still has the good painkillers 

China: you don’t want to accidentally bump into Bobby right now

Toni: I swear I jump out of my skin more at home, eerie at the best of times

China: I’d offer ‘round mine but that’s helping no one

China: when you were calling

China: was that before you went to Skerries

Toni: Before cos I wanted you to come with, but I think I did after

Toni: I had to keep calling my ma over and over til she picked up but I don’t remember what I did when I waited, she was ages

China: I am so fucking sorry

China: that would’ve never have happened if I was there too

Toni: it’s cool, you didn’t know

China: it’s not, I should’ve picked up

Toni: I’m an idiot for going, I wouldn’t if I had any clue it’d be him I’d walk in on her with

China: how would you have ever pictured that

China: what the fuck is he playing at, there are plenty that’d have him for that, seriously

China: she’s just a kid, she don’t know better

Toni: she’ll have romanticised this, even him swinging at me, he did it for her, what a grand gesture, you know what she’s like

China: Immature

China: she’d realise how unromantic it is when it’s her, God forbid

Toni: my ma better hurry up and find her

China: I knew he was a bit of a prick but this is next level

Toni: he was genuinely terrifying, is

China: He needs locking up somewhere, definitely

China: surprised it hasn’t happened yet if he goes about like this

Toni: don’t ask how I’ll ever sleep as is and I’m not even stuck with him, Arch is

China: She’ll bottle it soon, in the nicest possible way

China: she don’t know what she’s got herself into

Toni: before he attacks her with a bottle would be nice

China: you’ll get her back

Toni: I’ll have to invite myself to yours then

China: she’s going to feel like the biggest idiot

China: definitely avoid until she’s ready to think about how you feel

Toni: I keep thinking she’ll come out her room, but with him too now, it’s like something they’d watch in Libi’s film club playing in my head

China: I’m coming over

Toni: my ego won’t recover from you seeing me like this, you know

China: we’ll deal with the trauma before your ego shall we

Toni: easy for you to say, bitch, but sure

China: I know it ain’t, babe

China: not being alone helps though, you were right, I just won’t make toast

Toni: oh yeah, I can’t eat, taking a bite is a massive flashback to throwing up and it being blood that’d gone down the back of my throat, they’d ban that sort of shit from showing in film club

China: if he ever shows his face here again, I swear to God

Toni: I’m gonna have to ask someone out so I don’t have to sleep alone again, that’ll be a healthy foundation to start a relationship off on

China: don’t break my heart, bitch

Toni: you don’t have to be here with me, it’s gonna be more of the same if you do

China: I should’ve been there then, I’m not going to bail now

Toni: I didn’t give you much chance, it was right after school when I decided to get on a train, don’t beat yourself up, we can’t both be battered

China: Your terrible sense of humour is how I know you’re gay, and still you

Toni: I am closer to going full time with it after literally getting hit in the face by toxic masculinity

China: I don’t think anyone would blame you

Toni: if my ma’s gotta pay for a nose job and my smoking hypnotherapy, she might be as anti blokes herself

China: You can be a family of menphobics, when Arch is back 

China: sadly it never worked on mine, even though she’s got the scars she’s definitely shown Archie before now when she’s feeling pissed and ‘reflective’

Toni: We’ve never talked about it, now could be a good time, if you want

China: know you ain’t on top form but be a bit more specific before I start on one thing and you mean another

Toni: I mean your ma, don’t act like it weren’t clear as

China: you might take a pop at my Jake obsession whilst you’re weak and I have to be nice to you

China: idk, Ricky isn’t always full of shit, Gary’s one of the good ones, plenty of them weren’t, our dad included

Toni: you don’t ever have to be nice to me, babe, especially cos you reckon I’m a sad case now, I’d have invited Libi round if I was looking for it

Toni: or Shannon, for being taken advantage of during a moment of weakness and thinking I’m tragic, seeing as both were her forte

China: glad I’m who you think of when you think bitch, obviously 😘

China: moment of weakness is what we’re calling it now, yeah

Toni: I’m as glad you’ll let me chain smoke out my bedroom window, neither of them would

Toni: okay, what would you call it?

China: it’s medicinal at this moment in time

China: she was prettier than the lads buying you free drinks

Toni: ouch, alright, do you wanna hit me in the face instead next time?

China: It’s not a bad thing

China: and now your sister has fucked up so spectacularly you can basically go for whoever you want

Toni: maybe, but you know me 🤓 trying to ace her leaver’s, dating maniacs would be slightly distracting

China: you can stay at mine, you don’t need to deal with anything more than my family not to sleep alone

Toni: I can imagine the stories your sister would spread about as the explanation for what the fuck I look like

China: I’d know if she knew more about this, she’s crap at keeping secrets, almost as crap as she is at creating stories anyone believes so

Toni: did any of them hurt you or her?

China: just slapped a bit

Toni: it don’t need to be a just for my sake

China: I mean I weren’t touched up

China: even if some of them looked

China: she wasn’t either, no chance

Toni: you wouldn’t have let her be, you’re not as shit of a sister as me

China: not gonna say you’re good, but neither is she

Toni: I knew he was too old for her from the start, ages before anything else, and I didn’t care long as she never embarrassed me more than standard

China: Far as karma goes, that’s a bit much

Toni: Why are all of us so crap at this, me, my ma and her?

Toni: my da’d be horrified if he knew what we were like

China: daddy issues, yeah

Toni: ffs

China: it’s shit being so cliche, I know

Toni: already on a ☕️🚬 only diet

China: i’m definitely getting dumped so same

Toni: Lucie’d run over and stay all week for that meal plan when you’re too 💔

Toni: what’s happened?

China: this thing is going to shake him even more than Ricky’s bullshit thing did

China: I know it

China: it’s fine, it’s completely not about me rn but 💔 yeah

Toni: I’d shut her up if I had an idea how, but it’ll probs start the sec she’s back, sorry this is more bs damage done

China: She’ll be feeling bad enough, I won’t pile on with my heartbreak or shade

Toni: nor will I, on her or my ma

Toni: unlucky for you to be who’s having to listen to my side

China: I’ll literally be doing the bare minimum as a mate

China: and if you reckoned you weren’t shook up, you’d be in denial so, this is good, you’re working through the stages, like

Toni: if you’d picked up you could’ve had the in shock part, I can’t have made no sense to my ma at all, poor cow

China: I don’t think that’s the kinda news you can deliver without shock anyway

China: you managed to tell her where you were, that’s the main thing

Toni: was gonna take you there in summer, teach you knots, before it became a crime scene

China: Skerries isn’t even the best beach town

China: we’ll pick another one, yeah

Toni: true

China: tell me more about these knots then, girl scout

Toni: it’s all in the demo, babe, visual learning and the like

China: 🤭

Toni: You’re gonna have to tell me if my nose is wonky, nobody else will

China: alright

China: like you won’t still be streets ahead of everyone else

Toni: that’d be more of a compliment coming from someone who couldn’t stop traffic

China: Can’t keep a lad though

Toni: it’s not you though

China: it’s like Sza just entered the chat 💖

Toni: you know it isn’t, they’re bringing the hang ups they’ve got

China: I just unlocked a memory though, ugh

China: not at all helpful but another mark against him he doesn’t need

China: he slept with Asia, like

Toni: Oh my god

China: I’d repressed that because she would not shut up about it, you know she would’ve his brother if that was ever possible, so she was VERY hyped to be getting a consolation prize 😷

Toni: I hate this town, I honestly do

Toni: when was this?

China: I know, it was tragic, as is most of what she does

China: Christ, a while back but he had to be like, a bit older than we are, same age maybe, maybe her first year out of school?

Toni: Jesus, can no-one keep their hands off each other round here

China: Smalltown vibes are staggering, what call did she have to be hanging ‘round him even? Must’ve been some club night cliche

Toni: let’s repress that again, yeah?

China: gladly, yikes

Toni: what else am I doing with myself while you’re in school if not burying everything deep down inside, be grand

China: One of us has to go in, for your 🤓🖤

Toni: but if I call you, you’ll pick up this time?

China: yes

China: swear, like

Toni: I’m scared, I don’t even know what of, it’s happened, nothing else is going to

China: ‘cos he’s not a faceless stranger

China: he’s lowkey a part of your wider family, which we won’t even get into that along with the age difference 

China: yeah, don’t get me wrong, if he’s not a total moron, he’ll stay away now but, he’s a real person who did this insane thing to you

Toni: can you not stay, what’s the point of having other mates if they don’t wanna grab my homework for me?

China: if you want me to, of course, baby

Toni: I feel like I’m drunk in the weird, over familiar with everyone, girl in the toilets kind of way

China: I’ll make sure you don’t give away your best lippy to a random

Toni: cos you want it, if there’s to be a giveaway

China: I can borrow it whenever I want 

Toni: you can borrow whatever you want, none of my clothes are gonna fit proper if I don’t eat

China: will have to protect you from Sam and Luce, you get any fitter, they’ll flip

Toni: backhanded as fuck compliment, I see you saying I could do with losing, bitch

China: oh yeah, you fat cow, look on the brightside 

Toni: 🌞🖕

China: 🌈🌼

Toni: a rainbow, is it?

Toni: can just say you’re trying to get into my clothes in a queer way 😏

China: what a boy move

China: not nice guying my way into your pants, you’re okay

Toni: it’d be awkward, since I’d still need you here

China: pure 👩🏼‍⚕️ only, bitch

Toni: that’s not flirty to you? 😅

China: I think you’re delirious

Toni: it’s on purpose now

China: Shh, close your eyes

Toni: thanks for the self-esteem boost my gross 🐼 eyes need 

China: 🥩 eye mask

Toni: least they’re being used for something

China: we’ll order something in when you feel like it

Toni: I’ll cry if you don’t say something bitchy in the next 10 seconds

China: easy

Toni: 😁 only then

China: remember you’ve got to be mortified at being seen like this, you’ll only cringe then 😬

Toni: oh right, yeah

China: do you think deaf kid knew

Toni: I doubt they were at theirs when our house is empty all the time

China: true

Toni: but since he’s not overhearing them, if they were, he’d have to walk in how I did and he’d say something to Libi or his other brother

China: You’re right, well, too bad I can’t cuss him out

Toni: I won’t stop you doing it behind his back still, cos I love you for wanting to 💘🥊

China: Any excuse, like 

Toni: it’s gonna be so cool, me and him in applied maths together, the smallest class ever 

China: 💀

China: what’s sign for sorry my brother is a womanbeater nonce 🤔 get used to seeing that

Toni: least he wasn’t getting a birthday invite before none of this happened

China: none of that lot will dare crash now

Toni: I keep looking like I’ve been in a car crash and it’s cancelled

China: it’ll be dark, no one will notice

China: get a killer outfit, less so still

Toni: they’ll have a lot to say even if they’re not looking

Toni: I can’t do this again, the family drama is constant

China: too bad you can’t just run away, eh

Toni: leaving my house’s out the question, never mind the rest

China: contrary to popular opinion, you don’t have to have a big one, you know

China: if you ain’t feeling it

Toni: what else would we get up to?

China: whatever you can face

China: even if that’s 🎼🍕🍨🍻📼 at yours

Toni: have I made it obvious enough I reckon your secret bf’s a massive fool for being on the verge of dumping you?

Toni: cos in case I’ve not yet, he is

China: 🤞 he misses me then

Toni: however old he is, it wouldn’t take much to make sure he does

Toni: they are called old tricks, like, and they work on everyone

China: He’s a gentleman, he’s not really into all that

Toni: he thinks he’s above it, it’d definitely have the effect

China: 😏 idk

Toni: of course you do

China: I was debating catfishing Casey and revenge porning him for you

China: seeing as there’s no chance of 🥊 as it stands

Toni: You don’t have to do that after agreeing to be part of the town’s longest and most boring lock in with me

China: he should come with a warning

China: but you’re right, some girl will end up doing it for us inevitably

Toni: I’m staying out of it and away from him, look where putting myself in the middle got me

China: I get it

China: probably a terrible idea

Toni: I don’t want nothing to happen to you, not ever and especially not cos you were trying to do something to help me out

China: Forget I said it, I won’t go near him or his inbox

China: pretending to not find him sickening would be a big acting challenge at this point anyway

Toni: you’re good enough 🎭🏆 which is why I’m firm on don’t

China: no oscar-winning performances 

Toni: the beginning and end of both of ours for now is not losing it at the state of my face

China: [a dramatic scream esque selfie]

Toni: okay, you’re too beautiful not to have the door slammed in your face, soz bitch, you’ll wanna be turning round and off home 👋

China: Shh, just what the doctor ordered if you remember 😵

Toni: it was unforgettable, so yeah

China: that is what they say, obvs

Toni: they being? 

China: my two boyfriends, bitch 

Toni: such good sense they’ve showed, but if you wanna claim them

China: not gonna turn into a massive slag to have more bragging rights, tah

Toni: good, you’re meant to be busy with stuff like 🎼🍕🍨🍻📼 with me

China: I’ve not even been officially dumped yet

China: you’re priority #1 regardless

Toni: alright, I’ll change my mind and let you in

China: Good ‘cos I’m about to be there

Toni: are you? 😁

China: he better not have knocked any of your teeth out

Toni: that’s well too close to my greatest fear to be funny, you know I can’t hack needles

China: 🤐 just saying I’d be even more fuming

Toni: just btw 🦁 is fine as well as, no need to be properly 💔

China: if he touched your hair he’d be dead already

Toni: Arch is the one to have tried ripping it out, if anyone had

China: I can’t believe she left you

China: ‘cept I can, younger sisters are unbelievably selfish as a fucking rule, apparently

Toni: probably never even looked back

China: It’ll be another thing for her to think on when she’s back

Toni: he hurts her and it’ll be like I wasn’t, for her and everyone else, my ma’s already forgot

China: that’s bollocks and I won’t

Toni: and she’ll call it my fault for not looking after Arch better

China: who’s kid is she

China: that’d be her own guilt talking

Toni: I can’t wait to be out of here

China: Soon

China: could be sooner though

Toni: could be in hospital and missing loads more school, that’s how I’ve gotta think

China: you don’t have to yet, it was fucked, you can be stuck on that

Toni: if you say so, since nobody is telling me different, or offering up anything else really

China: Come down 🖤

Toni: [do that like a little ghost ready to shock her with your appearance, thankfully you have a lot of hair to hide behind because hardcore would be]

China: [you would be shocked like maybe you thought he’d only slapped you because slaps are shocking but less damage is done so we’re just like oh babe ‘can I hug you?’ ‘cos dk if you have any body injuries to avoid]

Toni: [just nod because we’re trying not to dramatically sob the second she’s arrived honestly cos not that bitch usually obvs cos we’ve never had a struggle in our life but this is an unusual situation gal so you are allowed]

China: [just hug her and let her just do her thing if she wants to cry, being vaguely soothing without being OTT]

Toni: [gonna be nice and not make you totally sob out the gate so we can save it for when she does something routine af for you like lighting a cigarette or making you a tea/coffee or getting you a blanket/yet another layer to put on because weren’t kidding about those shakes, sis, just surprise you both by crying in one of those moments lol]

China: [‘maybe you shouldn’t be chain smoking’ like if you’re crying like this every time but we’re obviously joking and letting you ‘it’s normal to be scared, you know’]

Toni: [‘if you’re about to hypnotise me, yeah, shitting myself over what you’re gonna make me do would be a standard reaction’ because actually would be gutted our anti smoking efforts have once again been thwarted, I promise I’ll let you quit one of these days gal]

China: [‘the casual way you keep calling me a predator…’ like you better stop lol ‘did you get to speak to her at all?’]

Toni: [‘it happened really fast, and her phone’s been off since she legged it’ a shrug because you wouldn’t know what to say if you were leaving messages rn and also because you have no idea what your mum is so busy with trying to do for that reason]

China: [nod because you didn’t expect much more, honestly, but it’s frustrating ‘she won’t last long’ fully calling you immature and it’s true, clearly ‘if I thought she’d reply to Ricky’ ‘cos we know y’all aren’t on those terms so no point]

Toni: [‘typical of her to keep this secret’ because America is always running her mouth, bless her]

China: [‘she said he was older… I should’ve pushed’ none of us thought it was this dramatic]

Toni: [‘I should’ve thought when they went to that club’ as if you were meant to know that he worked there just because he’s vaguely related to you as is half of Dublin at this point lol]

China: [‘we’re not even legal yet’ like we all do it, babe, you had no reason to be concerned except for we all should be more]

Toni: [‘she don’t look it at all’ because just hitting you how young she is and this age gap and that he had to know she was but a child, and v creeped out by all of those things]

China: [‘he’s clearly got something wrong with him’ for all these reasons]

Toni: [‘my ma needed to be the one pushing when she put herself on the pill’ because true, we’re very annoyed at you mother]

China: [‘thank God she did’ like that’s the only thing that could make this worse]

Toni: [all the colour literally draining from her face cos yeah, imagine]

China: [gently touching her shoulder like sorry ‘she’s not entirely stupid’ 🤏 but we gotta take what we can get energy]

Toni: [‘won’t be told nothing cos she reckons she’s so smart’ like I’d lowkey rather she was stupid and didn’t think for herself and just followed me around always now]

China: [‘she won’t feel it when she gets back’ like whatever happens between them, and a hopefully nothing bad afterthought of a look because obviously but we’re not going to say with certainty that it won’t]

Toni: [‘she’ll be feeling like this, or worse’ because we’re convinced she’s gonna get hurt too and we’re not wrong]

China: [‘there’s nothing you can do’ which sounds really harsh but we actually mean it as comfortingly as is possible in this moment, like you’ve done everything you can right now ‘focus on being better, so you can focus on the things you want again’ and getting these painkillers we’ve brought out]

Toni: [‘okay’ because that is comforting to us even if other peeps would think it was harsh, like soz but it’s not actually our job to worry about or sort out our wild sister ever, but especially now]

China: [‘[XYZ friends] are gonna get work for you’ like we’ve already spoke to them ‘you’ve got mono’ and a shrug like soz it’s lowkey embarrassing because we’re trying to keep it light without being blasé here]

Toni: [‘when you don’t leave it’s gonna look like I gave it to you, that’ll get your boyfriend back’ like watch him be jealous just like I said earlier]

China: [roll our eyes like I doubt that ‘we already pretend Jake doesn’t exist’]

Toni: [‘you and his now ex bandmates’ because the boy has a big ego and pretentious vibe so I imagine he goes through bands lol ‘there won’t be anyone left who can hold an instrument or a note he’s not auditioned soon, like’]

China: [‘he is talented’ ‘cos can’t ever just shade him like okay girl]

Toni: [‘not enough for you to make me cry, is it?’ like I’m gonna be sick now as well lol because must always shade him]

China: [‘you don’t need to be jealous, you can have him now’ 😏]

Toni: [‘I could’ve had him first, when he was begging me to join however many bands ago’ a pause while we think because I imagine this was probably 1st year, like before y’all were friends, so then rattle off some band names from the era. I just feel like he would because Toni is that bitch who’s beautiful and cool and just effortlessly good at everything so she can probably sing even though she’s unbothered]

China: [‘what did I tell you about being a bitch when I can’t?’ but loling at some of these names]

Toni: [‘I told you, you can’ 😏]

China: [‘you aren’t as good a singer as me anyway’ because we’re not going to go harder than that rn lol]

Toni: [‘true’ because we genuinely agree that you’re better, gal ‘but he hadn’t got his courage up yet to talk to you, never mind ask for a song’]

China: [‘everyone was scared of me’ not bragging just like yeah, I was a cow lol]

Toni: [‘I weren’t’ also not a brag she is just that unphased and ‘chill’ usually or so we must project]

China: [‘there was less to take the piss out of you for’ like you aren’t poor Bobby girl]

Toni: [‘back then anyway’ because never gonna live this down is how we feel]

China: [‘no one is gonna think it’s funny’ like bitch you got attacked]

Toni: [‘I know but’ no need to finish that sentence with anything but a sigh because it’ll still be horrible as it always is when there’s a scandal in this fam]

China: [‘you know she’ll style it out’ ‘and everyone knows you don’t claim her’ ‘cos the energy you’ve put out]

Toni: [‘why did I go there?’ because really 1000% wish we had not got involved]

China: [‘I would’ve’ shrug ‘you were trying not to be totally crap’]

Toni: [‘my da couldn’t have died before she was conceived’ like ugh, harsh of you but it’s easier to hate her rn than be worried when there’s nothing you can do]

China: [‘unlucky’]

Toni: [‘for my ma as well as, I’ve never put her through it, I’m still not’ literally where are you mother, do you wanna care about me even slightly rn]

China: [‘youngest perks… or missing trumps injured but home’ like idk]

Toni: [‘thanks for coming so I can be’ because we also meant what we said about not being able to stay at mcvickers house for longer than a sec]

China: [‘I’ve got nowhere else I need to be now’ ‘cos we’re getting dumped and we know it]

Toni: [a look around this empty quiet gaff like hard same]

China: [‘fucking depressing, isn’t it’ like the state of our lives lol]

Toni: [trying to light another cigarette because yes and eventually managing to for the small victory like oh this really do be tragic]

China: [obviously we’re reaching out and steadying your hand ‘I hate everything about this town’]

Toni: [‘we could leave but it’d probably give her lasting PTSD’ imagine your mother if you also ran away]

China: [snort like oh yeah ‘I’ll call [MGK]’ bring the energy]

Toni: [‘you can’t get him involved in every one of your breakups’ loling]

China: [push your hand away we’ve just been holding since like rude but we’re not actually fuming ‘it’s not the mood she thinks it is’]

Toni: [obvs pass her this cigarette as an excuse to touch hands again because we’re just sad and gay and we do not care about smoking inside rn if our mother cannot be bothered about us]

China: [obviously allowing continued handholding and smoking ‘who in your family is going to volunteer to kill him?’]

Toni: [just list all the peeps in your family who would]

China: [soz Fearghal you too old at this point queens, I think they’re 72 lol, imagine the drama ‘Janis and Jimmy will keep him away then’]

Toni: [‘Yeah, they’ll have warned him off already if he’s stupid enough not to keep himself clear’]

China: [‘he is stupid’ because it could not be clearer from this whole situation]

Toni: [‘he’s lived here ages, can’t say he doesn’t know how it works’ Janis wasn’t wrong you literally could’ve got kneecapped or murdered, ireland is wild]

China: [‘don’t you remember him? He was always like that’ ‘cos y’all are only Bobby age difference more 5-6 years]

Toni: [a nod cos we do and we’ve literally been at fam functions with him like the JJ wedding etc so that makes this even more horrible, probably just reliving all the times you and your sister were around him and when like thanks I hate it, and therefore shivering cos horrified]

China: [‘let’s not’ ‘cos mistakes have been made, just thinking aloud there when we should not ‘you shouldn’t think about him again’ and going to wherever in this gaff to find a blanket or something]

Toni: [‘Jake does need a new band name’ like yeah true, I’ll come to the rescue there, because bants can always save us]

China: [just like mhmm ‘get on with it, skiver’]

Toni: [just coming up with suggestions that would be hilarious because they’re so close to the kind of shit that he would use]

China: [you can join in even if you’re like 🙄 to begin with]

Toni: [can’t stop yourself gal it’s too real and funny and you both need the distraction rn]

China: [just acting like this is a very normal sleepover energy]

Toni: [we gotta]

China: [wanna post]

Toni: [we probably can cos we know the vibe]

[jqekeerysgf]

"Send ❤️"

This is very much so just me writing about something i've been through but instead it's a Bucky fic. also please bare in mind this isn't me romanticising the topics in this fic, this is me facing my trauma in the only way i can.

sexual harassment is never romantic.

Pairing: fuckboy!bucky x fem!reader

Warnings: Cyber sexual assault/harassment, mentions of nudes, heavy angst, no happy ending, fuckboy hours, unrequited feelings, modern AU, kinda a texting fic, un-betad, lmk if theres any mistakes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday 3rd May, 10:20 pm

As you're lying in bed, your phone screen lights up. It's a notification. A Snapchat notification. You don't even have to look to see who it's from. You already know. It's always the same. Every night. The fuckboy hours. From him.

You open your phone and stare at his name for far longer than you feel you should. But you can't help it. The rush of nerves that you feel when you read his name, when you see his face is, somehow, comforting. But you don't want to be stuck in this situation, because it's tearing you apart. He's breaking you from the inside and you don't know how to stop it.

You turn your phone off.

You're screen lights up. Again. You open you phone, and see that same name, for the second time tonight. The same one as last night, and the night before that. And the same one that you'll read tomorrow, and the next night. And it's a never-ending cycle but you aren't doing anything to stop it, so you tell yourself it's all your fault because if he doesn't think it's wrong, then what's the harm?

Your phone lights up for the third time.

'Snapchat: New chat from Bucky <3'

You want to ignore it, but you're weak. Weak for him. He makes you feel helpless. Helpless, but so, so loved. So you can't help it. You can't stop it. And sometimes. You don't even want to.

You open the chat.

Bucky<3: hey, babe. how's u?

It always starts this way. Just meaningless conversation.

'not good. i don't want this with you. i cant do this anymore. i hate it so much. i feel so used and objectified all the time. and it's your fault. i hate this. please stop. please.'

You wish you could tell him the truth. But you can't. So you don't.

You: im good, u?

He replies within seconds.

Bucky <3: Pretty good, missin you though :/

Fuck.

There it is.

There's the killer.

You: aw, i miss you too buck :/

You can't help it. He makes you weak.

Bucky <3: what u wearing rn?

You: a bra and shorts. u?

Bucky: thats hot. lemme see

This again.

You don't want to. But he makes you weak. And he knows it.

You: gimme 2 mins

You go to the bathroom, lock the door, and take the video. You hate the way you turn around, facing away from the camera. You hate how you hike the shorts up just a half an inch too high. Hate how you love the feeling of his compliments. Hate what you have to do to get them. Hate it hate it hate it.

You turn around and smile at the camera, hoping for once, just maybe, he'll compliment something other than you shape, or your curves. But what can you expect? If you show him your body, that's all he's going to see. Right?

You stop the video, and watch it back. 4 times. Then, he's typing again.

You hit send and go back onto the chat.

Bucky <3: what's taking you so long babe

You: sorry, shitty wifi smh

You: its sending now

It's sent.

You've become used to that feeling of anxiety in the pit of your stomach.

He opens the snap.

You feel sick.

It's nothing new

Bucky <3: ur so hot. the clothes would defo look better on my bedroom floor tho ;)

No.

Stop it.

Please stop it.

You: i bet they would ;)

You're weak.

Bucky <3: u should take the shorts off. u wearing anything underneath?

You don't even think before replying.

You: no

Bucky <3: take em off ;)

No.

You need an excuse.

Quickly.

He knows you aren't comfortable with this.

He knows.

You: idk babe. its kinda cold in my room rn

It'll have to do.

Bucky <3: aw, please :/

You: not tn buck

Bucky <3: why :/

He's relentless.

Bucky <3: please ❤️

You: honestly buck im not feeling very good tn

Bucky <3: why? what's going on?

He doesn't care. He's just buttering you up so you'll give in. And you know that.

You: just low self esteem and stuff, dw about it :)

He can't be mad at that.

Bucky <3: i'll tell u what. take the photo.

No.

Bucky <3: don't send it to me though.

Oh.

Bucky <3: or do, idm ;)

Oh.

You: idk buck

Bucky <3: just give it a go. i do it all the time. it really helps :)

You might as well try.

You: alright

You stand up in front of the mirror.

You slowly pull your shorts down.

Maybe he's right.

Maybe it will help.

Or maybe he knows you're weak.

You look in the mirror.

And take the photo.

Your hand hovers over the 'send to Bucky <3' button.

You stare and stare and stare and stare until the picture becomes blurry and your picking out every insecurity and every flaw you see.

The severity of the situation kicks in and now you can't breathe.

You think 'just send it, make this easier for everyone'.

You almost do.

Almost.

You press the 'X' in the top left corner of the screen.

Some of the weight rested on your shoulders lifts off and floats away into beautiful nothingness.

You click back on the chat with Bucky.

You: i took the photo

Bucky <3: ass or tits?

Of course that's what he asks.

You: ass

Bucky <3: fuck. that's hot. did u save it?

You: no

Bucky <3: oh. cool cool. how do u feel now

You: a little better

You: im pretty hot tbh

Bucky <3: ur damn right

You smile. And you loathe yourself because of it.

'Maybe he won't ask anymore. Not tonight at least.' You think.

You turn your phone off again.

You grab the book you've been reading and open it up where you carefully slotted the bookmark.

11:30 pm

Your phone screen lights up for the 3rd time tonight.

You glance over to see who it is.

'Snapchat: Bucky <3 is typing...'

You tap on the banner, and the his message pops up.

Bucky <3: u defo didnt save it?

You sigh.

You: no i didnt save it

Bucky <3: thats fine

Bucky <3: is typing.....

Bucky <3: u wanna retake it and send?

Your heart is thumping in your chest.

You can feel it in your throat.

You: nah. i cba to get out of bed

Bucky <3: not even for me? :/

You: not even for you, sorry babe.

Bucky <3: maybe this will persuade u...

You: ???

Bucky <3 sent 3 new snaps

You don't open them straight away. You can't. You won't.

You stare at his name once again.

You stare and stare and stare. Until you can stare no more.

You open the pictures.

Its him. In front of the mirror. With nothing but the corner of a towel covering his dick.

'Oh god.' You think. 'What the fuck do i do?'

You click back on the chat.

You: jesus christ buck

Bucky <3: PAHAHAHHAAH

Bucky <3: what do u think?

You: i think that i wouldve liked a content warning

Bucky <3: AHAHAHAHAH

Bucky <3: so, u feelin persuaded?

You: not so much ahahah

What was he expecting?

Bucky <3: wow. ok.

You: sorry

Bucky <3: its ok

You: im uncomfy is all

Bucky <3: yeah. i get it.

You: i just dont trust anyone with anything online

You: its nothing personal

Bucky <3: babe. u can trust me with anything. swear on my life.

It doesn't feel like that. It never does.

You: i know

Bucky <3: then why wont u send

You: it just makes me uncomfortable.

Bucky <3: you can trust me. i wont show anyone.

You: i know that. i just dont want to send.

Bucky <3: alright. fine. be like that.

You turn your phone off. Fully off. Tears sting at the back of your eyes and you squeeze them shut until it hurts. You don't want to cry over him. Not again. Not after the hundreds of times previous to now. It hasn't gotten this bad before. He's never pushed you that far.

You can't deal with it anymore. He's going to tear you apart. Limb by limb. Muscle by muscle. Until there's merely the broken shell of you, which he will have free reign over. He'll have the power to do whatever he wants. And you won't stop him.

Because you're weak.

[inkipri]

i envy to have the same energy and outlook on life as you!! it is so inspiring!! do you feel like you have always felt that way (being able to look at the good things, appreciate them genuinely, accepting life for what it is and just trying not to let fear control me.) if you feel like you haven’t always been there, what do you think helped you most? and do you still sometimes have days where everything just feels like it’s too much? how do you get through those times? i’ve struggled really bad with this for awhile 😔

(omg long essay ramble incoming) this is so nice but i just wanna remind everyone ... anything someone puts out on social media is selective and illusory in painting the big picture. the art which i choose to share is an assemblage of sentiments i've successfully made sense of. even the more sad achy ones ... they're glimmers of clarity. but what about the rest of it?  i struggle a lot with defeatist & pessimistic tendencies - a lot of the optimism/sentimentalisation in my art is a direct counteract against negative thinking patterns, rather than an extension of who i am. i have a long, long road ahead of me in my personal growth journey. also perspectives are not set in stone like i might have 1 moment of appreciation & acceptance, hold down that thought and share it online, the next moment be super bitter & wallow in my misery. for instance my day has been quite whack and i don’t feel any of the way listed at all rn, maybe tomorrow i will. and the day after? maybe not.  i think the best way to go through bad days is to really go THROUGH them ... feel shitty, confront it, rationalise it, reach out for help etc. hot take: recovery & the ‘going through shit’ process is so over-romanticised in our culture and sometimes i worry i contribute to that. so i don’t really want to give advice because it’s a highly individualistic thing you know??? just remember its not a pretty process but you’ll get there! the world can be a home bottom line is, if i somehow present as having my shit together it is with deep regret i inform you, i absolutely do not! there’s nothing to envy really - admire, adopt, be inspired by etc. all that is awesome ... but i don’t want anyone looking at a post of mine and seeing a lack of themselves, or an out-and-out ideal! this got so off tangent but thank you for this ask! i’m rooting for you anon <3

[afoolforatook]

V8 Ch 4 and Qrow’s speech about Clover.  And how we talk about how a character grieves, versus how grief is handled by writers.

So I really shouldn’t post this tonight because it’s 4 am and I’m tired and I’ve been thinking about this too much today already and this is something I should read over more..... But I’ve got to get it out before I can try to sleep. So, first off I apologize if this comes across poorly, or overly confrontational. It’s not at all how I mean it and I’m genuinely not upset with literally anyone. Just seeing some things that have me thinking about this more and more and it has me a little concerned, and I want to talk about it a bit more directly. 

I’ll probably add to this later or clarify or something… I just had to get it out of my head. 

I already talked about this some in response to theonceoverthinker’s post about it, and I’m too tired to try to cover all of that again, so if you want more context on how I feel about this, and why, please go read it. 

But I’ve seen some more posts about this conversation, and while for the most part I agree with a lot of what’s being said (and often on both sides of whether or not this was a good speech from Qrow) there’s one thing that I do want to address a little more that I think a lot of people aren’t aware of. 

In talking about this it’s important that we differentiate between having a problem with how we think the writers are going to use this speech to frame things, and having a problem with the fact that Qrow said what he said in the context of his current emotional state and grieving process. 

Do I think this was just amazing perfect writing and handling of Qrow expressing these feelings? Absolutely not. I have plenty of issues and really can’t say how I feel about it until I know where they are taking it/how they are using it to frame the entire situation.

Do I think it was just inherently awful callous dialogue that frames Clover as only important to Qrow because of his semblance and what that meant for Qrow/interaction with his semblance? 

Absolutely not. 

And that’s exactly where I have a bit of an issue. 

Because I totally understand people’s concern with that speech. And I have a very hard time right now trusting that CRWBY will handle it properly and not just use it to turn the narrative into blaming Clover. I don’t know if I trust them or not. I just don’t know. And that is deeply concerning. 

But the just surface of what Qrow said, without knowing how they will use it and further show his feelings, is not just the inherently awful thing I’m seeing some people take it as. And the reasons I’ve seen for people saying so, while completely valid things to take issue with in regards to CRWBY’s intentions in writing them, can’t just be blanket applied as issues with the fact that Qrow said them at all. (this is one of the things I feel fairly certain I’m not explaining well rn, and I’m just too tired to figure out. So I hope it at all makes sense).

My point is; depending on how things go from here on out, CRWBY may be completely wrong for why they included these lines and what they are having them mean. But Qrow, as a character, is not inherently wrong for having said or felt them. 

I can totally see why you would interpret these lines as concerning, and just plain poor takes on how to frame what happened in ch 12, and who to blame, and the nature of Clover’s importance to Qrow.. And like I said, it could very well be intended that way and negate everything I’m saying here. But by itself it’s not so black and white horrible. 

And this is exactly why I’m so nervous about how they handle Qrow’s grief. Because grief is a complicated thing. And what someone like me, who has processed a similar grief in a similar way, gets from this kind of scene can be very different to someone who hasn’t. And all of this said, I’m not trying to assume what anyone else has been through, or invalidate any grief, it’s very likely that others have dealt with a similar loss and feel very differently, or experienced their grief very differently. But, what I hope we all can agree on is that no one has the right to tell someone else they are grieving wrong. 

The thing about the kind of grief that Qrow is dealing with right now? It’s very rarely shown how people actually deal with it, especially in more than just one short scene. And if it is, it’s often romanticised and sterilized to be made into something easily understood by people who haven’t gone through anything like that. 

Because the truth is, this kind of grief is ugly. It’s complicated and contradicts itself. It can seem selfish and self absorbed. It is angry and reactionary. 

And it is very easy to say that what Qrow said is toxic or wrong. But it’s not. The intention the writers have in having him say it that way very well might be. But just what he said? 

Y’all that’s fucking grief. 

Fresh. Ugly. Messy. Angry. Confused. Tired. Grief. 

Healthy grief does not mean fair, clear headed, sensitive, open minded takes from the get go. 

Grief is incredibly flawed and unflattering.

And what concerns me is seeing people say it was outright terribly written dialogue, that was callous, and showed that Qrow didn’t really care about Clover beyond how he made him feel better about his semblance. 

Because when you’re grieving like that, one of the biggest fears is that people will tell you you are grieving wrong. That you’re being selfish. That you’re making it all about you. That somehow the way you are grieving proves that you didn’t really love the person as much as you thought. That if you just loved them more, if you were less selfish, if you were just a better person, you wouldn’t think those kinds of things.

And you internalise that shit. You internalise even just the fear of people thinking that. And that’s how people close up about their grief. That’s how people feel guilty for how they grieve. And that makes actually processing your grief and starting to heal so much harder, if not impossible. 

Qrow is still in the immediate aftermath of this loss. I’m awful with the exact timeline, but it’s what, like somewhere around 48 hours? With continued trauma going on around him. 

It is literally not possible for him to process everything fully like this.

The fact is that someone struggling with that kind of grief and trauma, and it having happened in a situation as complicated as what happened on the tundra (regardless of how terribly all of it was written), they’re going to say things that seem selfish. Or even victim blaming. Because they are processing. They are having to reconcile their own hurt and anger and grief and confusion. Fight between how they feel about the person they’ve lost, and their instinct to, in some way, protect themselves from a painful truth of how things really happened or who was to blame, or what mistakes they made. Even with Qrow accepting some of that blame, maybe even way more than he should, he’s still going to reflexively try to avoid taking parts of it that are particularly painful. I hate 90% of how people think of the stages of grief, mostly because they are not the clear linear thing that is often thought of. But this is the anger in a sense. It’s a protective lashing out. “If Clover had only!-” He wants to be angry, wants to be able to just say Clover was wrong, but as soon as he does he cuts himself off. He feels bad for trying to put the blame on Clover. That’s natural. 

Is it cool if CRWBY is trying to frame that as right? Fuck no. But the fact that Qrow is feeling it, is expressing it, is struggling with it back and forth? There is nothing wrong with that. 

Hell. Qrow even being able to say that it was his fault in some way, that he chose wrong in working with Tyrian, but then also stand firm in that he did not actually kill Clover, and apparently this is not the first time he’s said that. It might not be perfect. But the fact that he can even be there at this point is huge. 

I have said nearly exactly that same speech.  I said and thought things in the first week, even months, of my grief, that, even at the time, I knew were selfish. Were making everything about me. I hated myself for it. But I couldn’t stop it. And If I had tried? I wouldn’t have processed everything. I would have chastised myself for feeling things that I thought were wrong to feel. That’s not how you process grief. It’s how you get stuck in it. 

But the way Qrow looks at the pin? The way he pulls his thumb over it. The weak little laugh. The way he rushes to hide it. The fact that the first time we see him really asserting himself and his innocence is when Harriet threatens to take it from him. 

I know all of that. That exact expression, movement. 

He is so close to breaking. And he’s Qrow. He’s self conscious, self hating, isolating, Qrow. Talking about how this just confirms his own ideas of his position in relationships, his own fears about the danger of his semblance? That’s easy. That’s normal. It hurts like shit, but it’s manageable, he’s done it plenty of times before. Now it’s just a bit more raw. 

But flat out talking about the entire loss that was Clover? About their bond ,and who Clover was as a person, and his potential, his future? The loss that Clover experienced in having his life cut short? 

Maybe I’m shamelessly projecting again. But I truly do not believe that Qrow could manage to think, let alone talk, about that right this moment, and not completely break down. Which he knows he can’t afford to do yet. 

Talking about himself. About his semblance and what Clover meant to him in that regard. Is painful. It hurts. It’s heartbreaking. But it’s familiar. 

It’s angry. It’s small weak laughs because you are nowhere even close to okay but you can’t be as broken as you really are right now, so you’ve just got to stick it out.  

Qrow is Qrow. Regardless of whether the writers pull this off appropriately or not, I have no doubt that this man understands, and has thought long and hard, about autonomy. About the tragedy of how death strips every last shred of it from a person. About the cruelty of someone’s death not even being seen as about them. 

But right this moment, he can’t focus on that. There’s too much still to do. To worry about. To protect. 

Talking about Clover? Just as Clover? 

Facing that unfairness, that loss of autonomy, that stolen future (whether or not that future involved Qrow)? That is an entirely different kind of pain. 

I’m four years removed from my loss and I still can’t think about that too much because it’s physically painful. It’s irreconcilable. I can joke and laugh and be crass about how empty I worry my life will always be without Emma. But thinking, talking, about what I feel when I just sit with the fact that she’s not just not here with me, but she’s gone. All the things she never got to do or be or feel. The crushing cruelty of her having no say in how her story ended, or how she is remembered. I have made talking about my grief my career. And that is still something I have no words for. Thinking about it in those first few days? Is a large part of why I don’t remember so much of that time. It was too painful, so I just blocked it out. 

I said things. I thought things. I believed things. That were not fair. That were more about me and my pain than Emma. Hell, I know there were moments I was angry, and there wasn’t even anyone to try to blame for what happened. It was ugly emotion after ugly emotion. Bitterness piled upon bitterness. But that was part of the process. 

My point is. I totally understand if this speech makes you nervous. If you can’t trust the writers to turn it around into something good, that doesn’t frame it as Clover’s fault, or as Clover only being important to Qrow because of his semblance. 

But please know, that what Qrow actually said? Even if he was starting to blame Clover. Even if he was focusing only on how it hurt him because of his semblance. That is a natural part of grieving. It doesn’t matter if it would be an awful outlook for him to have at the end of everything. 

He’s not at the end. He’s processing. 

And outright saying that him saying that the semblance thing is what ‘really stings’, or being angry that Clover didn’t just listen to him, or anything else, is wrong and uncaring, isn’t fair. 

It might not be the right perspective. It might be blatantly wrong and unfair and self absorbed. But that’s okay. He’s not callous for that. 

His feelings about Clover, his respect for Clover, his grief over Clover’s death and the loss of his autonomy? None of that is diminished by him having moments where he wants to blame Clover, or where he focuses more on how this hurts him than how unfair it is for Clover. (again. I’m talking about just the surface of him saying this, not the intent and eventual narrative the writers have in doing it this way). 

I just want people to be careful as they talk about this. Because it’s valid. And both sides are valid in multiple ways. 

But please. Be careful in how you show your dislike for what you feel/fear the writers are going to do, and how you frame the issues with what Qrow said. 

Grief is an incredibly isolating thing. And when it’s fresh it’s so easy to feel horrible, to literally hate yourself, for the thoughts you have while processing your grief. 

We all want this to be handled properly, and we all are nervous about how bad it could be if it isn’t. But the last thing we need is people saying that Qrow is wrong or selfish for feeling and expressing what he is feeling, while he processes something so overwhelming and complicated as everything that is going on right now. 

It’s not fair to Qrow, but more importantly, it’s hurtful for everyone watching who has dealt with or is still dealing with these unpleasant, often shameful and seemingly vilified aspects of grief. 

There is no wrong or right way to grieve. There is nothing wrong with you for thinking things you normally wouldn’t, or for focusing on your own pain. The ugly parts of your grief do not mean you don’t care about the person you lost enough.

Just remember that the concern here should be about how the writers intend to use this speech. 

Not that Qrow said what he said. Those feelings can be wrong, unfair, selfish. But there’s nothing wrong with him for feeling that way right now. It doesn’t mean Clover meant anything less to him. 

It’s just grief. 

#RWBY V8 spoilers #fair game #tw #death #grief #I want to talk #and am 100% open to responses #but just know I'm a slow forgetful little shit #and avoid confrontation whenever possible #and am exhausted #so just #gimme time #and #im not even starting to tolerate people getting attitude or being disrespectful to me or anyone else #thats not what we're doing here #also #seriously #its so very likely I put my foot in my mouth somewhere here #and if so I'm so sorry #ill try to say things better later #ugh im nervous about this not being well said #but i gotta drop it and get some sleep

[seoafin]

tbh,, i havent read the raws of the interview yet, only the translated ver from fan-translator and b4 i start, i think that this will be just me talking in circle and in no particular order AND a real mess (my brain does weird things after exams) but uhh here we go

gojou collects talented people, and by doing so he finds the people he can most probably relate to, except that he can't, not really, because something in the universe shifted when he was born. and it makes me think of how he's always known it, that he is special, and he's proven it, time and time again— he wants to take in talented ppl and he does, but there rly isn't much he can do for them. for they are talented, more talented than the world can understand,,

but they aren't gojou satoru

gojou took in megumi, bc he knew megumi was strong, and would grow up to be someone even stronger, but gojou can't facilitate or encourage his growth, bc for all they're similar, they are so fundamentally different. ALSO,, while geto was in his life, gojou rly judged everything according to his understanding of geto’s moral compass. gojou wears a human suit and geto is how he learnt to wear it well 🏃

the dragonfly analogy regarding to geto’s response to gojo, who was shown wearing a dragonfly patterned yukata in HI arc,, i’m trying to not think abt the fact that dragonfly symbolized victory in jpn....pain. i quoted from a web here for more explanation : In Japan the dragonfly is known as the "victory insect", or kachimushi, because of its hunting prowess and also because it is known to never retreat. Dragonflies are agile and fast fliers and can even hover, but never fly backwards

and bringing this up again, matricide and patricide are 2 of the 5 worst act to commit in buddhism, and it was said that if u commit one of those act u’re going to spend a real long time in the deepest pit of hell before continuing the samsaric cycle (higher chances to be born as an animal after that probs)— this might be geto’s divine retribution. held no power over his own body and could be considered that he’s the same as those “monkeys” 💀

ALSO the fact that sukuna's interest is "eating" rly drives home his hedonistic philosophy of seeking pleasure for himself. and he’s a cannibal...makes me think if he’ll just chomp on ppl with the mouth on his stomach

randomly, to date i think he hasn't really called himself a human, shaman, or a curse, and has held himself apart from all 3, and we've also the intro of the cursed wombs so i wonder if he’s trying to become, or is, a different entity altogether

so onmyoji got mentioned in the interview and what they practice is called onmyodo and abe no seimei and kano no yasunori were the notable practitioners,, and the kamo in jjk is the same as irl who served the imperial court back then

maybe i was right when i said that the relation between the govt. and jujutsu elders are similar to how the shogunate and imperial court work (ie, the former holds the actual power) but... lets see later,,

and i cant believe that i actually nailed it on the analogy of jujutsu practices by religion,,, so mahayana buddhism, shintoism, and taoism is present in jjk along with their respective jujutsu practices...but between the 3, it shld (?) be taoism > shintoism > mahayana buddhism (which could took a path to pure land buddhism)

it’s weird that the number of curses are supposedly higher in jpn comparable to other countries when taoism was brought from china....tengen sus

so the zenin family tree is sth like :

brothers: [toji's dad] ; naobito ; ougi

so toji, naoya, and maki & mai are cousins of the same generation

[toji's dad] → jinichi (probs) ; toji → megumi

naobito → other brothers, naoya

ougi → maki, mai

but yea i’d call anyone who’s within/close or below my age range as cousins and others above 30 as uncles/ aunts LMFAO,, i dont rly memorize my own family tree 😭😭 especially since most call the other by honorifics instead of names : aunt, uncles etc or attaching said honorifics at the end of a name for an older sibling figure/ older cousins [but like ppl in my country also call the other who are older with sibling honorific even if we’re strangers,,, rly similar to korea’s hyung/oppa—eonnie(unnie)/noona but some uses more genderless honorific] (1)

tw // topic of incest, mentions of abuse

if anyone got the wrong idea when reading this : i am not glorifying/ romanticising incest(uous themes),, i’m looking at this with absolutely no lenses of bias even tho im rly against it

初恋 = literally : first love, or puppy love

恋 = romantic love/ deep longing

i literally don't know how else to put this...🧍and with language barrier...using a western interpretation of the eng word "love" to explain a jpnese term is not quite that simple, unfortunately

that thread omg,, i rly do understand how exactly someone could associated kindness with love bc of my upbringing, it was when i was slightly older that i was just...oh so its not like that orz,,, so the most plausible explanation would be that

but the problem is that,, akutami never specify when exactly she had a crush on them,, and when megumi answered todo’s question she had a “♡” reaction 😶,, uhmmm there’s rly no way to look past this if its this way or be in denial

i’ve seen some of "why wouldn't mai react that way after hearing megumi say he'd like someone who's compassionate when she's surrounded by men like naoya",, well I MEAN,,, that, but also mai probs admires that megumi grew up so well out of the clan, regardless of the fact that he had the foundation (10 shadows) to do so. imo she seems happy for him the way she can't be for maki, bc maki ultimately had to leave her behind

hate to say it but yea,, the 3 clans most likely still practice inbreeding in order to preserve their power and presumably their wealth too 😀

i had an idle thought abt it at first but i filed it deep in the back of my mind asap,, bc i ont wanna jump to conclusion abt this out of all things too early. it’s probably not even in jjk, but all those elite clans in other ani/mangas that produce powerful heirs and whatnot also do the same,,, but this way of (my personal) thinking was influenced when i first got into tsukihime (type-moon),,, i read abt the nanaya family background and found out that they practice that in order to keep their bloodline “pure” (to keep it short : they have an optical power),, and i had this kind of assumption ever since so there’s that

i’m,, convinced the zenins' inbreeding made it more difficult for them to get powerful shamans bc they got 2 jujutsu technique-less children with heavenly restrictions in the same generation: toji & maki

even more convinced that maki might be a bit stronger than toji bc toji could see curses without aid while maki can't so the pay-off must be higher,,, SJJASN IDK ,,, plus naoya sort of implies his older brothers are nothing compared to him, and idk if we should take that as his arrogance or that his older brothers rly are weak/powerless. it would make sense as to why naobito had a lot of sons, ig, as head of clan

i feel so bad that if one of the factors that can caused heavenly restriction is inbreeding,, toji and maki and mai had no say in how they wanted to be born but are scorned for it,, typical asian families projecting their traumas and ideals onto their kids but get mad when they realize that those ideals are ugly...😁😁😁

since the zenin are conservative,, i wonder if they still hold onto old jpnese dining traditions. where in ancient jpn, hierarchical relationships were made readily apparent even within families. a dining table where everybody sat down and ate as equals would be unheard of. rather, each individual is given their own table that indicates their status,,, someone who is not considered “strong” according to the zenin’s views most likely have no place at the table, and probs eat when those who are “strong” finished/ serve them when they are eating

if toji was tossed into a swarm of curses,, i dont think abuse during said time is below them,,,

the zenin clan was already great, but they further amassed power and strength by, what i assume to be, marrying and adopting powerful individuals into the clan 🤔 ,,, i imagine they're like the hiiragi but without doing what they did to shinya (ons reference)

BUT after all that, i like to think that since akutami’s a big horror fan, jjk might be an outlet to explore said topics or even darker ones, so i wouldnt be that surpised abt it. given that there’s more than enough “red flags” before this was dropped : a reference to “tale of hikaru genji” when a grown woman asked for gojou’s number in HI arc (out of all things); granny who transformed into the man’s daughter, sat on his lap and man just touched her waist; mei mei and ui ui ; and...this (incestous theme is in the novel btw)

lets not start with whatever the fuck in kubo’s head in the interview otherwise i’m writing paragraphs with every curse words possible,, those big 3 mangakas are so— UGH,, a planet w out (cis) men like him sounds real good rn 😌 if one of yall out there decide to do it,, pls hmu rly cant do this shit anymore

akutami said i like my men pretty and i like women who will step on my neck and spit in my face (I REMEMBERED TATSUKI FUJIMOTO’S INTERVIEW WHEN HE WAS ASKED ABT MAKIMA AND IT WAS SO 😭😭😭😭) but ykw,, love that for both of them <3

when i said 3 : one piece, bleach, naruto. aside from the blatant depiction/ characterize of women in those 3,, idk if some ppl arent aware yet but oda is friends with two (2) convicted pedos,, man...the major disappointment and disgust when i first find out abt it

anyways this is just my 2 cents (which i think rightfully belong to the trash can) so pls just take this w a lil to no grain of salt - 🐱

YEAH THE ♡ LMFAO I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A “good answer ♡“ heart BUT NOW IM RE-EXAMINING?????

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if the three clans practiced inbreeding. but ik people are going to be  😡😡😡😡😡 about it when the queen of fucking england is literally married to her (something) cousin. i’m not justifying it but like....love the double standards, just as always with the west 😍

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT FUCKING PED* LIST THEY SHOULD ALL BE IN JAIL. JAILLLLL. it’s all so gross. that’s why i fucking hate when people look towards manga for positive representation because the chances of that are super slim to zero, especially since the industry is saturated with misogyny and ped******* and a lot of other gross stuff.

i think ppl forget jjk is a horror manga LOL so obviously it’s going to confront darker themes. the question is whether it’s going to be done tastefully or not......

#honestly I don't have high hopes unfortunately 😭 #but who knows I might be...pleasantly surprised #idk I don't have high hopes in manga nowadays so hmmm #anyway as always I enjoy ur thoughts <3 ❤️❤️ #hope ur doing well!!! #and getting all those genshin impact goodies #🐱 anon #long post

[tomdutch]

Hi, I really appreciate you writing your x readers from a woc pov. Also, I have also been missing tom lately. What do you think he’s up to rn? Sometimes I think abt that to take my mind off his social media absence. I miss 2017 spammy ig tom and 2020 quarantine tom the most :’)

oh of course!!! and omg idek where he is (probably california?) so he’s probably working… maybe he golfed today and we’ll get a pic with a fan tomorrow 🥲 maybe he’s in his pink shirt facetiming his family or bothering harry… there is nothing this man can do that i won’t romanticise lmao. and YEAH god i miss how active he was on ig during quarantine like genuinely last year was the worst i’ve ever had mentally (as i’m sure it was for a lot of ppl) and his chicken nonsense + him cutting harry’s hair for a whole hour were so comforting to me and some of the few highlights of a really tough year. not to be even more sentimental but it makes me happy to hear other ppl say they miss him and his 2020 shenanigans like :’) he’s so loved :’) how wonderful is that i’m overcome with emotions fr

#i am also wearing the pink shirt rn akdbskdj i got it on sale and it is HUGE on me an actual dress w sleeves #ah i’m getting my period soon… might be why i’m so fucken emotional today akdbsjd #and so weepy and longing #the avengers assembling #answered

[bravomckenzie]

Not being funny but how can you and Kat talk all this smack about everyone else’s fics when Olivia is a Mary Sue who never really progresses and Kat writes nothing but self inserts who can’t even portray WOC without using micro aggressions, wrote a gay character shagging a straight woman because her MC is oh so sexy and perfect that even gay men go for her as well as romanticising abusive relationships. Like I get that you’re probably seething because you’re not as big of a deal as you used to be back when the fandom was a microcosm with a few fics going around, but the fact you’re so bitter as to sneeringly turn your nose up at new content? You and Kat are so fixated on positioning yourselves as people who are better than everybody else, it’s why Kat writes all those whiny Reddit posts about how hard it is to be a fanfic writer in a community where everybody is oh-so jealous and bitter because she’s getting so many more reads than everyone else and how it’s such a stwuggle to be a big writer in this mean space. You aren’t as big as you used to be and you’re so bitter about it, it’s actually hilarious. Stay mad that the fandom is thriving without your output and stay mad that people are doing things bigger and better, life goes on.

first of all, wrong kat mama LFHSKFJSJFN i am not and never have been friends with the kat you’re referring to and i fully agree with what you said about it. my kat has nothing to do with litg anymore. like interacting with me is as close as she gets these days.

next, i’ll give you credit where credit is due - i am not as important here as i used to be. and i’m the first to admit it. i used to be one of the most popular bobby stans in the fandom. i am not that anymore. my relevancy i still have is because on the fact i did write such a popular fic. i am a fandom elder at this point who newer blogs really probably only follow because they’re kind of just “supposed” to. like i was very popular at one point, making me just a standard litg blog you follow when you show up here. and once again, i can admit it. i will always be just the author of ciwyw now. and i am more than fine with and even proud to be that. i love my fic more than ive ever loved anything i’ve ever made.

so with that being said!

olivia’s growth and development is something i pride myself on. and saying there’s no growth on her behalf means you either didn’t finish the fic or genuinely lack reading comprehension skills. more than anything, ciwyw follows olivia’s journey in discovering her worth and the way she deserves to be treated. she isn’t a mary sue. she isn’t a cookie cutter mc. she has flaws and she makes shitty choices. she’s both an objectively shitty girlfriend and shitty friend at several points throughout the fic. to say she’s anything less than that is deadass just wrong. like actually factually incorrect. and i do take insult to that so i guess you made your silly little point.

stating my opinion on not being into the new content being created doesn’t mean i think i’m better than anyone. because like i don’t? i have said a billion times that i consider myself an okay writer AT BEST. my characters and plot as concepts are where my work shines. my actual writing is nothing special. i just genuinely do not vibe with the repetitiveness that the fandom has come to at this point. and i don’t enjoy the concepts for the other pieces being written rn with the exception of a few.

since day one, i have said this blog exists for me to scream into the fandom void about fandom things & a place for whoever wanted to do that too. i never meant to or even tried to become relevant. it just happened. my current or former levels popularity have nothing to do with what i think.

the anon who sent me the asks made valid points about issues in a popular fic in the fandom. like genuine problems that exist within the story. she was funny about it which is why i was funny about it back.

anyways. y’all should know by now, especially since you’ve apparently known me for a hot minute… i’m literally not going to stop posting whatever i feel like screaming into this void. like idc how much yall get mad at me and tell me to shut the fuck up. it’s literally not happening.

i do not care what you think of me as a person. i’ve settled into my mean girl narrative quite comfortably. i’m fine here. i realized it was something i’d never shake off. your opinion of me is your own. much like mine is about fanfic.

stay mad. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#shut up presley

[late--arrival]

I'm not hating but why does liam keep talking about One Direction? Also louis he talks a lot about One Direction but he doesn't do the livestreams so it isnt as noticeable but the band is always a thing that louis brings up in his interviews too? Niall only answered when asked. Harry and zayn nothing.

I wrote this while sitting on the bus on my phone, so I'm not sure how coherent this answer is. Sorry!

I think Liam is a little lost atm, and maybe slightly lonely? He's mentioned Robbie Williams a couple times now, and adding on what he's said I think it's kind of... easy to see where his head is at? He's talked about when he was in the audience with the rest of One Direction, when Take That did the mini reunion performance. He said he wondered what the members who weren't Robbie thought after the break up, since people lost interest in members like J.C.

He said something about the other members as well? I can't remember the exact wording, but about them not minding that their part in the reunion performance was after Robbie's solo part. I think it's especially clear when he brings up Justin Bieber too, how he'd like to ask how he did it by himself.

Maybe I'm seeing things, but it's difficult not to connect the dots on what he's saying, and where he at least sees himself at this point in life. I know Liam is very honest and I admire that about him, but sometimes it's hard to hear things like that come from him, because I just don't like him thinking that way about himself. From where I'm sitting, it feels like he talks about the band because he misses them, and maybe more so, he misses being part of something. Liam is definitely a social butterfly (which is a major reason why I think he should do a collab album), and from what I can see, he's kinda alone rn. Honestly, I think Liam is feeling a little vulnerable, especially after his album not doing as well as he hoped (and it not being what he wanted to begin with), the social media shit storm(s), and the lack of support from his team.

Louis, I honestly feel like he kinda... romanticises the one direction days? Mainly because right after the band called it quits, is pretty much the time his personal life took a nose dive. His mum passed away, as much as he clearly loves Freddie, his life was simpler not being a dad (and the Larry/Briana drama it stirred up), then of course his sister Fizzy passes away. For Louis looking back, he probably wishes he was that young and carefree again. Also, Louis has said that the most confident he's been was during the last year of one direction. I think he's similar to Liam (maybe why they get on so well), in which Louis clearly enjoys having a group of friends around him (so much that his mate Oli lives with him and his girlfriend lol).

Niall, yeah, I mean he doesn't mind too much about taking about it. Unless it's the reunion question, but then he's been getting for 5 years, it's gotten repetitive (for all of them).

Harry hasn't exactly done a load of interviews this year. Publicly he's tighter than a clam lol. Though privately I'd say his relationship to the guys is a different situation. Liam has said 2 or 3 times since July he's in contact with all the boys (with the obvious exception of Zayn). Niall has said 1 or 2 times this year he's in contact with Harry. Early in 2019 Louis had said that he hadn't been in contact with Harry for years, but about September of last year he said that they had reconnected. So I trust the guys on their relationship with Harry (and vice versa), over random people on the Internet saying what they think they know about the relationships between Harry and the rest of the guys.

Zayn has barely even been seen by human eyes since, like, 2018. So let alone talking about anything. Zayn and the others... I don't know privately, but it doesn't seem like there's any ground being made between them. Liam and Niall congratulated him on his baby, and Louis liked the baby picture, but like, I don't think any bridges have started to rebuild on that front.

#harry styles #louis tomlinson #liam payne #niall horan #zayn malik #asks #one direction #I dont think it helps that liam is dating a 1d stan who shows him things like the After movie tbh

[worthlessdolly]

“ur jealous” yeah well maybe i am jealous i have worked so fucking hard this past year and a half to establish myself & create/ promote content just to be traded, resold, blackmailed, exposed and harassed with no one other than myself to look out for me cos no one else could ever understand what it’s like to be an underground sex worker apart from us ourselves. i’m sick of the romanticising of sex work and talking about female empowerment as if it’s some kind of excuse to sell these services & content not because you genuinely enjoy and want to be a sex worker. There is no such thing as “doing this for me” or “taking back control” because while you think your in control you have 20+ middle aged guys sharing and talking about your content on a server below the surface sites saying how they wanna rape you or use you for sex and nothing else, you think you have the control until 100s of people have seen you naked and seen intimate sides of you to talk about and laugh with whoever they want. I’m sick of the screenshots of onlyfans earnings showing 4 figures and more pending i’m sick of young girls being groomed into thinking it’s the only way to empower yourself and take advantage of the assets you’ve been provided. sex work isn’t something to take lightly and can ruin your entire life, even take it. No one talks about the times you have to play along and act interested in the mysoginy and creepy comments clients make so you don’t get exposed or refunded, no one talks about how no matter how much you promote you get 4 new followers a week, no one talks about the days you cry and cry and cry because you realise the depth of your decisions and how at the click of a finger someone could release your older content from when you first started that you’re embarrassed of, no one talks about the false reality of the internet. in real life you tell someone you’re a sex worker they won’t say “as you should” or “get that bag” it’s judgemental stares, searching for your profile to see what your body looks like, telling people here n there until everyone knows, exposing you to potentially dangerous people. i am on the dark web and other sites and i am fucking angry.

“got any younger”

“your age makes it hotter”

“you look young, that’s hot”

“do you do age play, i like ages 3-5”

the things i’ve seen and watched unfold since diving into sex work head first alone are things that will resonate within me and haunt me forever. child abuse, dead people, other girls photos, animal abuse, torture, mutilated bodies of living women.

and what did i do? carried on. why? money.

money money money money

the simple things like aheago are so damaging to the rape culture in japan and so harmful to japanese women yet people do it, why? money

ddlg is harmful to legitimate age regressors and victims of child abuse yet people still do it, why? money

live vore is harmful to animal lives, the reputation of the vore community and people still do it, why? money

so when you sit down and record that video acting like a child to the camera taking part in sexual activities and you’re thinking, “we are two consenting adults so it’s okay” think about the child getting raped by their dad every single evening while mum sleeps to grow up never having the childhood they deserved so they age regress and take part in therapeutic behaviours to calm & heal themselves just for some stupid bitch who thinks her wearing a nappy & dummy is her “taking back her sexuality”

YOU ARE NOT TAKING IT BACK. you are giving your power and sexuality right back to the types of men who took it in the first place. let’s look at it realistically; a man deals with pedophile tendencies and knows he cannot search for or watch real child p*rn, so he finds a sex worker online who promotes ddlg and actively pedobaits, he will find that content and it will go one of two ways.

1. watches the content, shares it with his pedophile friends, now you have 100+ pedophiles subscribed to your page or trading your content.

2. he watched the content, becomes desensitised and eventually ends up having to watch real child p*rn because legal won’t cut it anymore.

so tell me right now that because it’s two consenting adults it’s okay and not harmful because you’re a fucking dickhead