i hate being hyperfixated. i hate being so dedicated to doing something that ive literally done nothing else with my time in the past few weeks. i hate that i haven’t done literally anything else that i promised myself id do. i hate that ive prioritized this task over fucking taking care of myself and literally needing to make several alarms to remind myself to eat and shower. i hate feeling like im doing nothing productive despite also thinking that this task requires all of my energy and focus. i hate that i feel like i cant get out of this until i finish this stupid fucking task and i don’t even know when that’ll be. i fucking hate being hyperfixated
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i think its really cool the way my day gets ruined when the slightest of inconveniences happens. the human mind is so wonderful
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i'm not saying it's not a problem but if you think that the pressure to mask and the negative effects of masking are some of the biggest issues facing autistic people as a group, i think you are delusional.
maybe i just don't get it because masking as i've seen it described doesn't resonate with me at all. it's not a concept i encountered growing up, either. it seems to have gotten popular over the past few years. i'm 'high-functioning' (live independently, in grad school, working towards professional career) but when i was a kid we weren't sure i would be able to have a job. it was very clear that i was not normal lol. so yeah i don't feel like masking is a relevant concept to me personally.
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(thinking abt talking to my psych) ahh hes probably right to doubt my previous diagnosis, the symptoms of which ive almost all dutifully concealed from him so he wont think im insane, im sure i just made it up for attention despite how i was in denial of it for years, and i actually just fooled the people who had me on watch 24/7 for a year and a half into thinking i had psychosis. (makes a list of present and past delusions to tell my psych about) oh wait this is crazy person stuff!
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i think i have c-ptsd but that;s a problem for another day
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Does anyone else has a made-up world in your head that has you (well, your OC you based 100% on yourself) as the main character and have a whole ass tumblr askblog lore in it and keep repeating the same lore or thinking of those characters do random shit and when you think you think as those characters and see what you are saying or experiencing as those characters and also have made up friends and even a made up girlfriend there and see anything that is currently happening to you as if it was happening to your OC'S in your head and genuienly sometimes forget about reality after pretending to be in that made up world and interacting with your made up partner, or am I really mentally ill and need therapy and help
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Me: I'll just do the dishes now, it'll only be quick since there aren't many dirty dishes
My sink, an hour later:
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