#but i dont wanna trigger anyone with the talk of nothing being real | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

natsmagi · 1 year

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I'm sorry but you're wrong. you are wrong. proship is not just "an excuse to draw pedophilic and incestuous things." people have been doing it WITHOUT excuses since the beginning of fandom. some people create those things to process their trauma. of course it might be triggering to some people, but that's why it's tagged and stamped with warnings. so people can avoid it. kids and teenagers can be groomed with literally any media. anything. doesn't matter what it is. kids can be groomed with bluey as easily as with art of underage genshin characters or whatever. what I see as much more dangerous is the idea that there are things that can and should never be explored in fiction, that somehow it's still gross to engage in those things in a space where literally no real human beings are harmed. that's some evangelical thoughtcrime shit and I am not here for it.

I appreciate you saying you would never harass anyone over it, because you'd think that would be the bare minimum, but these days apparently it's not. and on what you said about "you shouldn't have to label yourself proship when you're just anti harrassment" yeah. I agree with that. but you kind of DO have to label yourself that way, because apparently doxxing is just a normal thing people do now and teenagers are getting the idea that harrassment is "righteous" if done to these specific kinds of "bad" people, often minorities and especially queer people.

I'm not saying you have to personally be comfortable with those kinds of content. it is totally understandable to want to avoid them entirely. but I would ask you, what percentage of people who enjoy those things would ever even CONSIDER bringing them into real life? I can pretty much guarantee you that the real percentage is incredibly small, and the proship community is NOT accepting to people who perpetuate real harm against real human beings.

idk. i don't mean to come off as hostile, it just really bothers me that it's come to this. there's nothing wrong with creating content that makes people uncomfortable. and let's just say it's not a coincidence that the people who are vehemently against it are using nazi dogwhistles.

oh jesus okay. i hear what youre saying and i do want to take your words to heart, so ill be trying to be as indepth with this as i can be

quickly though before we start i wanna comment on your last paragraph; the person who sent the ask later sent me a dm and we talked things over so both of us could get a better grasp of the situation. the person is a minor, and while i dont know how old they are, i do genuinely believe that this was an honest mistake on their part. they messaged me out of the kindness of their heart, and while maybe theyre slightly misguided in some areas, i think it is only right to treat each individual with respect and try to educate them when they perpetuate something harmful, especially when theyre young

ok, now lets go over this point by point

"some people create those things to process their trauma." yes! i am well aware of that, and i would never be against people creating vent art of the situations that traumatized them. my issue comes with posting it online for people who are genuinely into that sort of thing to see. maybe its just me but i personally wouldnt want to risk people getting off to my trauma, especially when ive now visualized it in such a personal way. if anything thatd be re-traumatizing for me. i dont see the point in having it so publicly available for anyone to see

"of course it might be triggering to some people, but that's why it's tagged and stamped with warnings. so people can avoid it." which is good! and i think it would be deeply unwise of someone who is uncomfortable with these topics to seek them out and engage with it. if triggering content is being made and it makes you uncomfortable its better to just leave it be and move on. that said; that doesnt make it any less upsetting to see, especially when its prominent. and people should be allowed to state that they still dont support it, just maybe dont harass the creator because of it

"what I see as much more dangerous is the idea that there are things that can and should never be explored in fiction, that somehow it's still gross to engage in those things in a space where literally no real human beings are harmed." in my post didnt i mention that i think dark topics should be explored too? maybe i phrased it poorly but yes i agree with this point. i do not think you or anyone else should be shamed for consuming dark media, even if it consists of fucked up topics like what tends to be the focus of proshipping. the thing is though; these topics need to be handled tastefully. they need to be handled with respect and empathy for the victims, or else itll just feel pornographic. if youre just writing detailed smut about a grown man with a child, what is it we're exploring? is it gonna go into the psychological effects that would leave on the child? was the amount of detail in the smut necessary? was the smut ever truly necessary to get the point of sexual assault across? all these things should be considered when dealing with these topics, because again, theyre VERY HEAVY and should be treated as such

"apparently doxxing is just a normal thing people do now and teenagers are getting the idea that harrassment is "righteous" if done to these specific kinds of "bad" people, often minorities and especially queer people." yes, it is a very unfortunate thing. this is not something i can defend. i can however shed some light on different sides to this though. most often these kids arent doing much more than hitting you with a mean jokey qrt, while only a small portion actually go out of their way to full-on harrass someone. neither of course is okay, but lets not act like this is something only these teens engage in. i have seen many proshippers go out of their way to leave comments on teens posts where they whine about proshipping about how theyre wrong and horrible people for thinking such things, sometimes even spamming them just to try and get a response so they can dunk on them with some Sick Own, as if theyre not arguing with literal kids online. no side is in the clear on this, so lets not act like one is holier than the other

"what percentage of people who enjoy those things would ever even CONSIDER bringing them into real life?" i dont doubt many proshippers wouldnt bring these fictional fantasies into the real world, what scares me is the audience it may attract. i.e. pedophiles and the like. you and your proshipper friends might be lovely people who would never even think of committing these crimes, but what about the silent onlookers? the percentage that actually WOULD consider it? the margain may be small, but should we not try eliminating it to the best of our abilities? now, you could argue that it is not your responsibility nor within your power who consumes your content, and id have to agree with that. but from a personal standpoint thats just not something i can get behind. maybe its my paranoia talking, but since the probability is still there its not something i can bring myself to support. you mentioned earlier that kids can be groomed by anything, and thats true. but my fear lies less with kids stumbling upon the content, and moreso actual pedos finding content to get off on and a safe space to discuss these fantasies, although having it be about fictional characters rather than real kids. yes, they will always find a way if theyre sick enough, but thats why i want it to at least be explicitly known that pedophilia is not respected and you will be shunned for it. so even if proshippers dont actually support it, i fear it gives pedophiles a place to indulge in their fantasies (and for even more claritys sake; i am not calling proshippers pedos)

"there's nothing wrong with creating content that makes people uncomfortable." i agree with you!! its okay to make content that makes people uncomfortable, theres art in that. art can be expressed in so many forms, and sometimes the intent IS to make the audience uncomfortable. but like ive stated; with these things you really have to handle it with utmost care. and i dont think the intent with this type of content tends to be to make the audience uncomfortable either? all i often tend to really see is people talking about how hot they find it, and i dont think that should be the takeaway from topics like this. again; its all about intent.

"and let's just say it's not a coincidence that the people who are vehemently against it are using nazi dogwhistles." but isnt preaching "theyre trying to take our freedom away!!" a right-wing dogwhistle too ?? the constant fearmongering i see in the proshipping community is concerning. making up stories just to make the other side look bad, claiming theyre silencing you, is this not what the right does??? why do i see it so often from the proshipping community???? again, both sides have faults. can we please stop acting like one is better than the other??? i frankly want no part in this discourse.

to finish this off though, i am sorry anon. i never want my account to feel like a place where people cant express themselves and be who they are. but i do still have my own morals and views. i have my own ideals, and i have my own principles. i do not identify with either anti or proship, its just the dangers of proshipping scares me more than the dangers of antis. of course both can get bad. my point was never to argue in favor of the other side, my point was only ever to let it be known that i dont condone proshipping. that is all

if i misrepresented your community im sorry. i am only one guy at the end of the day and theres only so much i can know on these topics while also only being 19 years old. theres much i dont know, so thats why im always willing to learn. but no matter how hard i try the fear of giving pedophiles a place in a community terrifies me. the mere thought is enough to make me scared for those younger than me out there.

it was never my intention to dictate how one should or should not consume media. you are free to do as you wish, i have no authority over you, these are just my reasons as to why it isnt something that i can support.

thank you though for taking your time to write to me. i hope ive made my stance clearer and have it known that i dont mean any malice. im just so deeply scared of more children getting harmed due to personal reasons and its genuinely bringing me to tears. thank you again

#ask

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futuregws · 2 years

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This is a big ass rant bc I'm very done with G's fans or fans of the ship even so yeah read it if you want don't read it if you don't want and also dont read if you get triggered easily by being called out or having your fave get called out and I know the comments I'm gonna get for this but don't forget that lately y'all have been nothing but a bunch of hypocrites so I will probably be able to use what you said against you or I will just block you bc y'all are annoying as fuck

I wasn't gonna post this at first bc I'm genuinely tired of ignorant people like this, but I just can't not voice my opinion specially when it's about something like this shit so here I am.

NO ONE and I mean seriously NO ONE is sending death threats to grace and most definitely not bc of her character or bc "she got in the way" let's just start there, people CALL HER OUT bc that's what it is half of the time bc she has shown a lot of nasty behavior, that goes from screenshoting something from someone that doesn't agree with her and then post it knowing that her little minions would go straight into attack mode, to constantly talking about haters and twisting every single thing said to make herself the victim, she has ignored when her fans were doxxing others for simply not agreeing bc yeah sweetheart we the people that don't agree with her are the ones getting doxxed not you so that little comment in the end of the post, ridiculous, she has multiple times when it was brought to her attention that people were being threatened she made light of the situation and proceeded to make it about herself even when she knew that a lot of the people getting this stuff were MINORS, she took a post from a black person that was simply saying how it's disgusting how they need to have a reason to not like her but yet there's people going around hating on black people for no reason or just simply for existing, and someone answered to that basically calling her basic and she saw the post and what did she do, she posted only the part where she was called basic (this were not the actual words but the meaning is basically the same) and ignored the actual point of that post and what happened after?? her fans went and attacked that person and made some truly disturbing racist comments, she loves to claim her "haters" get mad at her for the smallest things when she's literally the one saying that people are mad when no one is, she just wants people to feel bad for her and treat her like a sweet little angel and also let's not forget the most recent bullshit she did I mean create a whole ass tiktok with screenshots from "haters" with their @'s visible even though she knew what would happen and then poof the video disappeared, bc all she wants is for y'all to feel bad about her nothing else do you not feel embarrassed by how much you defend her and how little shits she gives about you she cares more about her haters than y'all

And also this isn't as important but I'm gonna mention it as well the post from that blog was very clearly done to simply continue the "ship wars" the first paragraph literally had nothing to do with the rest and why?? bc that was their main goal they just needed an excuse to be making shit up again, bc ed*ssy shippers do not get hate, you are the ones sending it, in 100%, 90% of the time it's steddie shippers or anyone that doesn't like the ed*ssy ship that gets hate the other 10% it's the hate you get that is nowhere near as bad as it is for us, and babe no one hates chrissy/grace bc "she got in the way of the other ship" and the reason why that never happens is due to everything I said above AND ed*ssy is not real so there's no one, NO ONE in the way of steddie or of any other ship with Eddie absolutely no one bc they are not a thing and never will be, and finally for all the stupid shit you say about steddie I can say 10 more things about ed*ssy, bc "steddie has no chemistry" okay then it's your opinion but neither did ed*ssy like at all, if you wanna claim ed*ssy had chemistry you need to admit that steddie did too, bc it's right in front of you in multiple improvised scenes, and you mention as a point to go against steddie that they only met after she died, okay, but are you gonna ignore how her and Eddie barely knew each other like BARELY, and the only reason why she even spoke to him was bc of drugs bc let's not act like they were besties before, and if you say that all of that is what you got from watching the show then watch it again bc I think you might have fallen asleep throughout all the episodes bc there's no way you would be saying that if you actually had paid any attention

#The only thing I actually agree is the max thing and the Caleb thing the rest is an absolute joke #If you read all of that thank you and I'm sorry that has to be my biggest post yet lol #Stranger Things

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angel-archivist · 4 years

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This just in depressed teenager loses his only coping mechanism besides pretending nothings really and lifes a tv show. This is so sad alexa play evie by shoe

#retro.art #vent #im 5 seconds away from a major breakdown: its probably stress from school but like fuck #i hate my art and i hate having anxiety #ok to rb #since its mostly meme-y but fuk i feel SO BAD AHA #also i like my hair being kind of long in art when i can make myself look more masc: however irl its dysphoria fun times over in the depreso #corner #SORRY this is a big info dumb abt shit that doesnt matter #here just take my meme-y art #i hope yall can vibe with it #tw unreality #??? i dont know the proper tag for that shit #but i dont wanna trigger anyone with the talk of nothing being real #if you know the right tag pls tell me!

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eulangelo · 3 years

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callout for @genderfluidlucifer

google docs

tw for transmisogyny + TERFs + emotional manipulation

Transmisogyny

Lucifer is a huge transmisogynist who will complain 24/7 about how TERFs hurt the ace community, but the moment @randomclustermissile , a trans girl (who is not an exclusionist at all) tries to point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles (in the most vague and general way possible, without pointing fingers nor calling anyone names) Lucifer will immediatly jump to block her and so they did with me (another inclusionist) and i have to suppose to everyone else who agreed with that post, even arriving to vagueing about us in private group chats to suggest that we were “sympathizing with exclusionists”. all because we dared point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles. lucifer is TME but apparently they think they’re the authority on TERFs and their talking points but actual trans women are not, according to them, since this is the stuff that they would go and spew to other people. (screenshots from @enbyoctoling)

here’s more examples of Lucifer (again, a transmasc person) going deep in detail about how according to them, TERFs/SWERFs hate aro/ace people and are an active threat to us

1. link

[Image ID: Three screenshots of a post by Genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot is of a paragraph that reads, "Hey. So I can actually answer this. Anon your commentary about how you thought terfs would approve of sex repulsed aces is sort of it. Except...not. Basically terfs hate ace people for not wanting sex in the approved by terfs way. Terfs are actually extremely interested in [forcing] amatonormativity onto everyone. Because for as sex negative as terfs are...they don't want to actually acknowledge or change the fact that amatonormativity is at the root cause of rape culture and misogyny."

The second screenshot is a zoomed in section of the post that reads, "So yeah no I have NO idea where exclus allies are getting this idea from that terfs would even remotely care about the sexual rights of ace people. Terfs generally hate any sexualities in the LGBTQ+ acronym that aren't LGB because they can't force a gender binary onto those sexualities. At least, not as easily. That's why it's actually a massive sign of someone who doesn't call themselves a terf being a crypto terf if they use the term LGB in a positive manner. Along with the term SGA, as it is deliberately exclusive of nonbinary and not inherently SGA centric queer-aligned sexualities. /END ID]

link to the full post, these are just excerpts but the whole thing is just a very long rant about how TERFs hate ace people and so on (i think it’s worth noticing that although the actual post is kinda long, trans women are never once brought op in a conversation about TERFs issues and the only time transmisogyny is mentioned is not relevant to the conversation)

2. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is nothorses. It reads, "Because apparently I have to say it: Testosterone is not a 'violent' hormone. It doesn't make you 'more aggressive' or a worse person, it doesn't make you 'dangerous,' or 'toxic.' Transmascs do not need to be 'warned of the dangers of T.' We do not need to spend our transitions terrified that we're going to become a danger to those around us - that HRT is going to turn us into a monster.

Everyone experiences mood swings during hormonal shifts (pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, estrogen HRT, etc.) and while you might have grumpy moments or feel anger/frustration that you need to learn to handle differently, that doesn't make you a bad person.

Testosterone can change the way you access/process emotions somewhat, but if you're already thoughtful about how you handle your feelings and treat others, you're going to be fine. It's normal to lash out on occasion, by accident, then apologize and work to do better. It doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone on HRT is prone to this, and everyone experiencing hormonal changes is prone to this.

Getting HRT should be positive and affirming; you should not have to spend your entire transition terrified of becoming a monster."

The post then has a reblog by captainlordauditor that reads, "The big danger of T is that needle ouchy." /END ID]

here’s them reblogging from known transmisogynist user @nothorses (once again, the irony that a post about how testosterone is seen as the "aggressive hormone" does not mention transfem at all which are literally the main victims of this rethoric in the first place)

3. link (1), link (2)

[Image ID: Two screenshots of posts by genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot reads, "Queer exclus: We're not repackaging terf rhetoric! Saying that is transmisogynistic! Also queer exclus: Remove the plus from LGBT!" and has tags that say, "I will pay these people to grow some god damn self awareness. Imagine being this dense. Queer discourse." The post has 15 notes.

The second screenshot reads, "Honestly it is so stupid and frustrating to see ace exclus continue to deny that the ace discourse was started by terfs. Proof was given countless times. And a big name terf like galesofnovember even admitted to starting it. Those of you who demand proof but ignore all of this never wanted proof to begin with." and is tagged with, "ace discourse. The post has 38 notes. /END ID]

heres another two post of theirs conflating TERFs with ace exclusionism

4. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblogged post by furbearingbrick. The original poster is boxlizard, Lucifer's old account. The original post reads, "By the way for people still in denial about it, here's galesofnovember, a terf, admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement. She's taking credit for it. Normally if the victims of this behavior weren't ace/aro or other queer identities y'all be ready to rightfully lynch her. But since it's us, y'all just still wanna stamp your feet and go, 'Nuh uh!' instead of acknowledging facts." The part that says, "admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement" is a link to a galesofnovember post.

There is then a reblogged addition from furbearing brick that reads, "archived versions of the receipts" and has two links to the webarchive. The tags read, "Bringing this back since it's apparently still relevant. Terfism mention. Aphobia mention. Queerphobia mention. Blocklist." and has 1,455 notes. /END ID]

this is their post that ive already talked about but basically they found a 52 notes post made by a TERF in 2012 and this one person said "i dont know why i dont get to be the princess of the anti-ace-brigade" and apparently they are convinced that this means TERFs started the ace exclusionism movement and that this is one of their goals. which is insane when TERFs in real life only care about making life miserable for transfem people first and foremost.

5.link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is yu-gay-fudo. It reads, “Just in case you happen to be unaware, some of the “radfem lite” they post to warm you up to their rhetoric, just off the top of my head:

- Ace/aro exclusionism

- Bi exclusionism or claims that bi people are “less queer” bc of “straight passive privilege”

- Saying you have to be dysphoric to identify as transInvalidating nonbinary people

- Calling queer a slur regardless of context, saying people can’t identify as queer, and saying that it can’t be reclaimed

- “Mogai hell”, “kweer”, or otherwise mocking less common labels and claiming they are “just cishets who want to feel special”

- Excluding sex workers from feminist discussions or claiming that sex work is inherently evil

- Basically anyone who thinks they can determine what other people identify as”. The tags read, "queerphobia tw. twerfs tw. no id." and has 70,727 notes. It was reblogged on March 22nd, 2021 /END ID]

another example of conflating radfems to things that, while wrong, have little to nothing to do with them because being a radfem, again, is something very specific that has all to do with transfem oppression.

Emotional manipulation

Lucifer has done nothing but block, break boundaries, spread lies and vague about people, some of which were even mutuals with them knowing they would see the posts. when confronted about it Lucifer's only answer was "just say you hate me and block me" but they actually ended up blocking everyone first, making it impossible for anyone to set some boundaries with them or even just to calmly confront them about anything.

[proof: Io(popncourse) and Lucifer had a disagreement in a shared discord server, which prompted Lucifer to vague Io in a vent post. Io confronted them, as being vagued is one of buns triggers, to which Lucifer initially agreed to delete the vent post, but then proceeded to victimize themself and immediatly blocked Io. later on, Jude(malewifedeckard) was confronted by Lucifer, then after Jude told them “I’m worried that you’ll vague me just like you did with Io” they proceeded to block Jude and vagued about him too. when Io made a post (which was not a callout, it was just bun setting buns boundaries) explaining what Lucifer did, Lucifer immediatly jumped to victimize themself, acting like they were being called out and straight-up lying, even going so far as to say that no one tried to hear them out, which is a blatant lie if you consider the aforementioned Io and Jude’s attempts at doing so, with Lucifer immediatly blocking and cutting ties with the both of them. ]

(screenshots taken by @popncourse and @malewifedeckard)

as seen in the proof above Lucifer’s behaviour is not ok because they don’t accept any kind of confrontation and immediatly jump to blocking, and after blocking, they'd immediatly go and vague about the people who confronted them pacificly, spreading more lies and painting themself as the victim and even arriving to say “no one hears me out at all” which is simply not something you can say when you block people who are trying to hear you out in the first place.

this is by no means an invitation to go and harass them, send them hate or anything like that. i absolutely don’t want anything even remotely hateful or negative to be sent their way after this post.

this post was only made because:

1. as an ace person who fully supports the inclusion of aspec identities in the lgbt+ community i don’t want to support an enviroment that costantly downplays transmisogynistic oppression in order to be taken seriously. there are hundreds of ways to make aspec activism without acting like we(as in TME aspecs)are the victims of a system that seeks for the annihilation of transfemenine people in real life everyday. i especially don’t want to support TME individuals who act transfem-friendly but then block any transfem who tries to speak on transmisogyny without a second thought.

2. Lucifer’s behaviour has hurt two friends of mine and i don’t want to associate with someone who actively breaks people’s boundaries without taking accountability when messing up.

3. i cannot associate with someone who spreads lies about me accusing me of sympathizing with exclusionists all while having me blocked so that i can’t see it nor defend me. they complain about people not hearing them out but they’re the very first person who does not try to hear people out, and instead jumps to spread baseless rumors. this is not someone i can nor want to associate with.

(image descriptions provided by @malewifedeckard)

#genderfluidlucifer #transmisogyny tw #terfs tw #ask to tag #txt #long post #ok to rb

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Caught Red-handed

Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing, Struggling with migraines

Genre: Fluff, Comfort, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having suffered from migraines all their life, Y/N knows better than to give them much attention or let them hinder their work too much. However, their boyfriend is a lot more worried than they are and has taken it as his personal duty to ease their pain as much as he possibly can.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request, I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to get to it, write and post it, but here it finally is and I hope you come across it and read it! I’ve never experienced migraines nor have I known someone who has so if I’ve misrepresented or written any misinformation, anyone who catches it, feel free to let me know either in the comments or in my inbox/messages! Love, Vy ❤

The first time I got a headache was in the middle of math class in eighth grade. I remember it so distinctly because I had never before experienced such sudden and such intense pain. I got to go home early that day and spent a good portion of the day trying to sleep it off but to no avail.

Since then I’ve grown used to having to deal with a pain so strong it renders me unable to function for a whole day about two times a month. Sometimes, I even try to be stubborn with it - I try to push through as much work as I can despite the migraine, but that never works out for a long time considering it ends up crippling me in the end. That’s never kept me from trying over and over again though!

Now, to contrast my nonchalance and even annoyance with these pesky attacks, is my boyfriend Corpse’s concern over them. I’ve tried explaining to him that I’ve grown used to them and that I try not to let them bother me and that he shouldn’t stress over them so much but I may as well be talking to a wall because all he has to do is see me squint my eyes or cringe and he enters concerned-mother mode. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it to no end, I just don’t want him worrying over something so small. Also, a minor convenience: if the migraine doesn’t hinder me from tending to my tasks, Corpse will. He’ll make sure I’m off the task I’m working and transported into bed in an instant.

That’s why I’m now clenching my jaw, struggling to maintain a poker face as I work on an important project I have to send to my boss by the start of next week. I’ve got plenty of time, but I like to stay on top of my work so it doesn’t pile on top of me, you know what I’m saying. Corpse is sitting on the couch next to me, casually glancing at me every now and then while remaining quiet as to not disturb me. So far so good, he hasn’t noticed anything and, if I didn’t know any better I would sigh in relief. There’s nothing to trigger the pain to arise any further - the lights are dim, I’m staying hydrated, and I downed two painkillers in the bathroom about an hour and a half ago - so I’m sure I’ll be in the clear at least until dinner.

“Wanna watch a movie when you’re done?“ Corpse asks, “Unless you’re tired or anything...“

I flash him a grateful smile, giving his knee a squeeze of reassurance, “I’d love to, babe. But I can’t promise that I won’t fall asleep.”

He chuckles, “Yeah, I know you’ve got a tendency of doing that.” Giving me a side-glance he adds, “It’s cute.”

I roll my eyes, already sensing a blush creeping up on my cheeks and neck which I hide by turning to face my laptop screen. One thing I can’t hide though is the wide grin that’s spread across my face as I mutter: “Shut up.”

Just then, a particularly sharp jolt of pain courses through my head, testing that ability to maintain a resting face. Thankfully, Corpse is turned in the opposite direction, searching for his phone, so I allow myself a brief cringe at the discomfort.

Guess the painkillers are dying down on me, I think to myself, a second away from sighing exasperatedly at the thought that I have to down two more. It was wishful of me to think I could enjoy the luxury of a dull ache until dinner, now the migraine is straight up mocking me.

I quietly stand up from the couch and make my way to the bathroom so I can take another dose of aspirin because I don’t think I’ll be able to focus on my work for very long if it keeps hitting me with this intensity. Opening the door to the small cabinet above the sink, I automatically reach out for the bottle of pills but stop when I see a surprise.

Directly in front of the bottle stands a note written in, you guessed it, Corpse’s handwriting.

‘Already losing effect, huh? When are you thinking of coming clean?‘

Well shoot, am I that transparent?

I sheepishly exit the bathroom, walking back into the living room where Corpse greets me with the same stance as a parent greeting their kid who’s gotten home past curfew: legs crossed, arms folded over his chest, one eyebrow raised, the whole nine yards.

“Yeah, they’re already losing effect.“ I admit, a small apologetic smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, my cheeks burning with an embarrassed blush. “And I wasn’t gonna tell you at all.” I hurry to add: “Please don’t be mad though.“

Corpse shifts slightly, his gaze giving me a onceover as he contemplates how to pursue the case. I’ve already got several arguments/defenses ready - the perks of working for a lawyer - but I know he’ll dismiss all of them no matter how strong they might come off as in court. Bottom line: even statements that would fly in court can’t fly with Corpse sometimes. Especially when my health and well-being are the topic of observation.

“What have we said about lying?“ He finally asks, causing me to cringe and ball my fists in guilt.

However, I still have my arguments ready: “You never asked me so I never technically lied.” One might say I have quite the audacity to plead not guilty right now, even though I’ve been caught red-handed, but what can I say, I’m stubborn in nature. And Corpse knows this, he’s just testing me for his own amusement.

“Poor excuse, Y/N.“ He says with disapproval, shaking his head and fully embracing his disappointed parent persona. “You’re lucky I’m feeling generous today. So, as punishment for hiding the truth from me, you are to ditch that project you’ve been bugging yourself over and come cuddle and watch a movie with me. Bonus points for you if you fall asleep.“

I needn’t be told twice - not only will it wipe that look off his features but it’ll also get earn me a movie night with the additional benefit of cuddling with my boyfriend? - how could I refuse?

I can’t help it, I just gotta push my luck here and poke the bear with a stick, “If the punishments are so sweet I might start being dishonest more often.“

Corpse rolls his eyes, scooting on the couch and tapping the space he’s freed up for me, “I said I was feeling generous, don’t bet on it happening often though.”

Alright, enough luck-pushing, I should be grateful for this generosity instead. I should be using it to the max.

So, what’s stopping you from doing just that?

Good question, brain, good question.

Head still pounding just not as intensely, I slip under the thin soft comforter to find myself not only wrapped in it but also in Corpse’s arm, his warm embrace bringing me instant comfort, walking me on the tight-rope of falling asleep right away.

“Sneaky bastard.“ I attempt to mutter, yawning halfway through.

I feel his lips on the top of my head, placing a quick and gentle kiss in my hair before he says, “You’re welcome, babe.”

Count your lucky stars, Y/N. You’ve got one of the good ones.

@maat-the-prescriptive @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @itsminniekat @hacker-ghost @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis @waterlilypat @idontknowwhatthisisfam @evi-ka @classyandfabulous00 @redperson58 @lilysdaydreams @solowheein @mythicalamphitrite @axen-gers @luckygirl144 @nj01 @buddyemily @the-albino-lioness @stardream14 @gdhdkfnn @nomadicgypsyy @preciousskye @fluffysuicideunicornsworld @o-kaelin @manacharlotte @awkward-youtube-trash @lolalee24 @bonky-beerns @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian @strawbrinkofdeath @teenloves @tams0527 @browneyespinkhair @starstruckllamapuppy @daisychains012 @y0ulooked @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life @jula-pauline @melodykitty @just-that-bi-girl @crazybutconfidentaf @lowellshade @alphakees @bellero @weallneednamjesus @starryhanji @boiled-onionrings @husherstan @fockingwhore @melaningoddessthings @prettypastelpetals @haleypearce @godwhyamiawkward @y-napotat @daisychainyoonmin @little-miss-rebel3 @free-wheelin-bi-sexual @redmoon261 @darkacademic2 @wiseflamingoqueen @into-the-end @namikhai-i @nastiablr @thelittleplantlover @mirktuan @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny @vintagegothlover @easygoingtheatre @itsrandombooklover @miiaivi @emmybaybee @befourgolden @jjk-is-my-shit @eternalteaaars @spacebadgerx @princesslunalight @acequinn14 @samm48 @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa @fo-love @marishimomura-blog @therealglenncoco @cinnamonbun332 @killtherandomness @sanshinexxxsan @fee-btheweeb @press-lay @cathleenpotgieter16 @jazzydoesstuff @moonlxghtbay @forestrain2000 @hyunjinhugs @blood-of-fandoms @lovellylies @ukiyolixx @simpforhpcharacters @chrisdylan17 @parkerjisung @pedernille @theodonyous @wineandionysus @malfoystilinskii05 @morbid-x @coryisagee @jessewa26 @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365 @raeanneinwonderland @indecisive-empanada @gluttonypalace @loriane2503 @btsiguess-kpop @khaoticbunny @lucidlycactus @smiithys @rottenroyalebooks @kpopgirlbtssvt @fangirl-tc27 @fr0z3n-1 @notmesimpingfortechno @shotarosleftpinky @kunoi-chan @idk-whats-wrong-with-me @yikeroonie @goldenstarofthunderclan @poetry-and-tea @ama-do-writing-stuff @wishbonewolf @emeraldxhope @t0xick1tty @kusuinko @speakyourselfloveyourself @sophia902103 @lo-manburg @classsykittykat @dmgama @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee @btsiguess-kpop @akaashi-baby @gun-jong-simp @geschichtenfee @yerapotato-wp @browneyedgirl365 @thysagclub @sparklycloudnight @helloatomicshadow @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal @lucy-bunny17 @aaliyahh0 @katluckybear @boyleanti @straybids @franchesca-791 @cosmicstorm19 @averyisbackinthetrashcan @aomi-nabi @xlanawriter @allensimpsforcorpse

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ynsimagines · 3 years

Text

Superfun with Superfriends: Chapter 4: Movie Night

Your joints had been killing you due to an arthritis flare up since you woke up this morning. Tonight you were supposed to play laser tag with your sisters and friends but you didn’t know if that was still happening.

You got out of bed and slowly walked to your bathroom taking a Tylenol. Afterwards you walked out into the kitchen you tried to seem normal, but Kara wasn’t buying it.

“What’s up Y/N?”

“Nothing Kara, I’m all good. Really looking forward to laser tag tonight.”

“Y/N,” Kara said raising her eyebrow. “You know you cant lie to me,” she said placing a hand on your shoulder.

“It’s so bad today Kar,” you were trying not to cry as she helped you walk over to the couch.

“I’m sorry honey,” She rolled up the bottom of your pants and winced when she saw your swollen knee and ankle joints.

“I already took Tylenol, but it’s not helping. I dont think I’m gonna make it tonight.”

She nodded, “I’ll call Alex maybe we can do something else.”

“What? no. Don’t cancel the whole thing you guys can just go without me. I don’t wanna upset anyone.”

“Y/N our friends will be absolutely fine with it, they know how much you struggled with this,” she said playing with your hair. “We all want you to be included in game night.”

You nodded, “okay.”

Kara drew you a warm bath with Epsom salts to help your sore muscles, and afterwards helped you put on some comfortable clothes to get ready for a Super friends movie marathon. Turns out Kara was right your friends weren’t mad at all just worried.

The only person who had a problem was Mon El who grumbled about not being able to play laser tag. Luckily both your sisters shut him up real quick,

“Kara, its ok,” you said after she told Mon El he should leave the apartment. Your older sister looked at you sympathetically before kissing your forehead. James was grateful about the whole thing. After a not so successful night as Guardian he was trying not to jar his bruised ribs too much.

Lena had gotten you a new heating pad shaped like a teddy bear to put on your knees which were the worst. So now you were snuggled up on one of the couches against Alex who was periodically checking to make sure your pain wasn’t triggering a fever. Maggie was sitting on the other side of you and had generously let you place your legs on her lap. You had just gotten to the part of The Incredibles where the plane blew up. Lena had never seen it. So you and Kara insisted you all watch it, but you were struggling to keep your eyes open the medication Alex had been giving you was starting to knock you out.

“So, did you like it?” Winn asked Lena as Kara removed the DVD. “I thoroughly enjoyed it.”

Winn and Lena started talking about the logistics of the movies technology with Alex jumping in occasionally.

“Nerds.” Maggie coughed, which made you giggle, but then wince in pain.

“You ok kiddo?” Asked Alex as Maggie rubbed your sore ankles.

“Yeah, as ok as I can be,” you said causing everyone to look at you sympathetically.

“Why dont you close your eyes sweetheart, try to get some rest?”

You nodded not needing to be told twice. Having Arthritis at a young age was difficult, but you had the best family to help you get through it.

#supergirl #Baby!Danvers #baby danvers #kara danvers #alex danvers #maggie sawyer #lena luthor #james olsen #winn schott #cw #DC comics #fluff #angst #OC

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miraculousrainbow · 3 years

Text

Sleeping In The Bathroom Is Better Than Home

Description:

Chat noir cannot stand being at home anymore and by chance stumbles upon Marinette wich turns into an unexpected sleepover

Hurt/comfort

Marichat (can be viewd as romantic or platonic)

Oneshot

Trigger warnings : mention of verbal abuse, mentions of neglect, discussions of bad mental health, bad mental health, insomnia, anxiety, trapping a child mention (ask to tag)

"Im done and sick of it"

He couldnt think straight, he just knew that he needed to get out as fast as he can

Plag popped out in a look of concern but before he could say anything Adrien already climbed out the window and yelled "Plagg claws out" and jumped out

His movement wasent his usual cat like swiftness

It was heavy and frantic

He was stumbling around in the dark and crashing into a wall or a random pole every once in a while but ignoring it as nothing happened and just, keeps going

He was going around blindly

With the only purpose of just, getting away

After a while of hanging about at the dark he calmed down a bit, but he was still fearful

His dad yelling still ringing in his ears and with each sound feeling like another hit

"Ignore it he insisted"

"You are here, you are safe, you are not at home anymore."

"You are safe." he whispered to himself loudly with a bit of a panic in his voice and a desperation to make these words feel true

But it was getting late he knew that soon he will need to go back home but he couldnt bring himself

He would rather sleep outside

"The only problem is that he would be an easy target for hawkmoth or criminals depending on the form"

"Or he could just stay a-"

His thought had been cut mid sentence while he was walking he realised he sees a familiar light and in the light had been basking a familiar figure

"Marinette!" He exclaimed with relief in his voice

"It was nice seeing a friend out here and a light source when everything else seems so dark and bleak and eerily quiet..."

"Chat Noir?" Marinette blinked trying to figure out where the dark ends and where the cat starts

"Its nice to see you" he said with a sheepishly smile

"Is there an akuma" Marinette eyes darted from place to place while her expression seemed so focused she wouldnt miss a fly

"Not tonight princess" he replied feeling a bit guilty he made her worry

A sigh of relief escaped the teen's mouth and her expression softened

And when she looked up to his surprise she looked like she is actually happy to see him

"So what brings you here ~Chat Noir~." she said his superhero name like you would call someone a royalty title jokingly

"Wich... was fair, but! he just hoped she knew every time he called her princess it was full of fondness"

"Oh um, just going for a walk, getting some fresh air"

"At two at night"

"I can ask you the same princess" he stumbled on his words he didnt expect that

"He havent being keeping an eye on the hour"

"He hoped he wasent missing for too long"

"But with his father absence he sometimes thinks he could of being kidnaped by hawkmoth for days and he wouldnt even notice"

"and sometimes he could of just barged into the room out of the blue"

"For ones he hoped for the first one"

Marinette unexpectedly decided to be the first one to break the silence

"Thoughts, just too many thoughts" she replied honestly and wiped her eyes in tiredness and maybe tears

Even though her answer seemed quite generic he recognised the real weight these words hold

"You?" She asked softly in sleepiness

"I just couldnt handle staying there anymore"

He blurted out choking on a bit of tears

"Her honestly just made him feel like he couldnt keep it inside anymore and that he could just share it safely and it will be okay"

"Like he didnt have to keep it down anymore and he really couldnt not like this not when he finally feels safe and the adrenaline from earlier is starting to die out and the tiredness is kicking in"

"Not next to Marinette"

"When she just comes with honestly openness and without anything to hide behind"

"She could of waited a little longer he would have come up with a joke to sweep her off her feet or at least made her laugh thats a win too"

"And just have a normal conversation"

"But she chose openness and he couldnt help, but choose it too"

He was a bit shaking he didnt notice till Marinette put a hand on him "hey, do you wanna go talk inside?"

The cat was frozen in surprise at the sudden touch

but as soon as it went is as soon as it goes

"And I know your identity needs to remain a secret for yours and the safety of your loved ones"

"So tell me just as you can and want of course" she made a serious face in the end but he couldnt ignore how cute it was

He noded thankful and followed her in

"Not surprisingly her room was much warmer than the cold outside"

They set down and Marinette asked while fiddling with her fingers "So, what happened?"

"My dad just yelled at me"

"Again" he rolled his eyes with a snort of someone who learned to turn their anger into despair and nihilistic jokes

"Its or he leaves me alone and neglects me or he yells at me and traps me"

"And in the past it used to be or he neglects me and traps me or he yells at me and traps me"

"But good luck trapping Chat Noir ha ha" he said with exhaustion and finger guns

"Unless you are hawkmoth if he would of being I bet he would have trapped me then too" another bitter laugh escaped his mouth

"What about you?"

"So you know those nights when you try to go to bed and you just lay there but you cant stop thinking and your thought are running and running and you just start shaking and you cant stop and no matter what you cant sleep and you wish so badly you can but you just cant so you stand up cause you cant take it anymore"

She blurted out as well just more in a mini frantic tangent

Instead of a frantic blurt out

"So maybe" she says with a twirl of her hand like she tries to drag the word longer and just not let the sentence end

"Im having one of these nights"

She covered her face with her hand and looked away like she is even ashamed of having a problem

"Wich is super unfair everyone has problems" he scoffed in his head

"And also one thing was made sure by this conversation she was crying earlier"

"Actually yeah" he replied looking up from his knees and surprising them both

"I do get these nights from time to time"

"Now it was his turn to look away"

"Now he is the one feeling shame in having problems"

"Honestly, he thinks it made both of them feel better knowing they are not the only ones even though he and of course Marinette! would never wish this upon each other it was still nice being in the same boat"

"Its exhausting" she exclaimed and looked like she was trying to rest her had on air and getting grumpy each time it doesnt work

Chat tapped to time on his knees to signal that she can use him as a pillow

Marinette without taking a second thought took the invite and settled down

At the moment of contact Chat Noir felt like lightening were running up his spine he just hoped he didnt move

He wasent used to other ppl contact much

And he always withdrew away quite quickly

"Its not that he didnt like others touch"

"Its just that it would always overwhelm him so much"

"And it made him feel like he needed a break but every time he was ready to come back"

"There was nobody left"

"And lets not talk about how it was before school when there was nobody to begin with"

"She looked so comfortable like it was all natural being so close to someone and just putting your head down"

"He wishes he could feel like that too"

"He hopes one day he will"

After a moment of rest and a sigh of relief Marinette asked "So, whats the plan?"

"Kinda how he would of asked his lady on battle he wondered if thats how he looks like"

"Uh, I kinda planned on staying awake outside until I will collapse of exhaustion..."

"Well, thats a horrible plan."

"In retrospect, he agreed but its not like he had any other options" he thought to himself

"The only room with a decent lock is the bathroom but I cant let you sleep in the bathroom!"

"I considered sleeping outside so this sounds much better"

"Chat!" She protested

"Its not like I have any better options" he sighed into his hand

"Okie but Im putting a clock to 5 in the morning so you will be back before anyone notices"

"But then what about you? dont you need any sleep?"

"I dont think I will fall asleep befor 5 am to be honest" she made an awkward laugh in an attempt to make it seem not as bad

"And, having company for a change even if will be a sleeping one soon is nice."

She looked up to him still resting on his lap with a soft smile that looks like it means Im really thankful you are here but you need to go to sleep now

"Marinette I-" he couldnt help but let a sigh of relief escape his mouth "I cant thank you enough"

"Hey what there are partne- pretty good friends for!"

"She started stammering. Now he was sure she was too tired for communication and needed some rest"

"So lets get ready for the sleep part in our kind of spontaneous sleepover!" she said like it was all part of just a regular late night party

He chuckled and replied with a simple sappy "yeah" and he got ready to bed

And in a long time he actually had a good sleep even though it was in the bathroom

The end <3

Update: thank you everyone for the feedback!!!

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tundrainafrica · 3 years

Note

I just find it so unfortunate that some aggressive shippers ruin a ship and a character for so many people. A popular Erwin x Levi artist got hate comments by some Levihan shippers and so many people are bashing it now on twitter because of that. Its just so sad considering LH was one of the most beautiful and fun dynamics in such a depressing story. Even Hange is getting hated because LH is pretty much the default ship involving them and it just breaks my heart :(

Twitter has some great content and I actually hang around AOT twt for some quick content. It’s like every time I’m feeling fast food I just hang there, like a few tweets, read a few soc med AUs etc etc.

But god. It’s a mess man. Last year I was constantly on twitter to be honest and it left me in a bad mood everyday because people are just being assholes for little to no reason really but just to put themselves in what they believe is a morally higher ground from their peers. And people just like fighting and the funny part is no opinions are actually heard, no views are actually exchanged. It’s just “you dont agree with me so you’re a bad person.”

Ad hominem attacks are just everywhere.

So I like staying in my small little hole and just talking to myself there and just liking the content of the Levihan people I actually follow. I see stuff I don’t agree with but I’ve kinda accepted that a lot of people there are just there to push an agenda because really if people were that open minded, I don’t think lynching and call out culture would have gotten this far.

I’ve used this same analogy so many times but I feel like in Twitter, people are just scrambling for some sort of moral high ground. Because of that, it is completely useless to engage in discourse there because one thing I noticed is most people who are vocal there already have a set stance on something and the fact that they’re ready to just bully anyone who stands in the way of their agenda, just makes convincing them out of the agenda impossible and a complete waste of time. And there are two issues in particular among the LH community which are really unsettling for me: the ship wars and within the LH community, the gender war.

Ship wars

I find the ship wars unnecessary because really what makes a superior ship?

Probability of being canon? How much fuel they were given in canon? Healthiness of the relationship?

The truth is people ship for many reasons. But really, who are we to judge how a person goes about the way they decide to participate in the fandom and ship? As long as it is something they keep within personal spaces and do it responsibly, I don’t think it’s our business to judge someone or lynch them. The important thing is people are able to not be an asshole about it. People can ship the most questionable shit, create the most dubious content, as long as that person is respecting boundaries and putting the right tags and trigger warnings, who are we to call them out right?

Of course I prefer LH over other Levi ships personally but is there really a need to attack other people’s ships about it? I probably do poke fun at Ereri because until now I still do not get why people enjoy Ereri in the first place but why destroy the fandom experience for people just because we don’t agree with them.

My general intention behind shipping Levihan is because above anything I value the healthiness in the relationship and the things people can learn about love and relationships by analyzing Levihan’s dynamics and headcanoning them. I love Levi and Hange’s dynamics to death and I like digging deeper into them and pulling out lessons from it about love, life and relationships and just sharing them with people which is my whole point for participating in this fandom in the first place.

But in the end, ships are just preferences. Some people like getting a kick out of dubious pairings and toxic relationships. As long as they consume these responsibly and don’t emulate them in real life, I see no problem in it.

The toxic ones are the ones who actively crucify people for preferences.

The Gender War

One really disturbing thing I found about twitter is that deciding to use ‘she’ to refer to Hange can get you lynched. I found a few accounts that would reblog tweets where someone says something like “Yes, Hange, Queen” which gets retweeted by some NB Hange folk who say stuff like “Unfollow this transphobe now.”

Because apparently deciding to headcanon Hange as a woman or just preferring to use ‘she’ makes people a transphobe. Which is personally just... really disturbing. I don’t believe words like homophobic, transphobic, racist should be so easily thrown around unless there is hard evidence to believe that someone is really one of the epithets above like for example:

There are things I find completely assholish like of course, refusing to use someone’s preferred pronouns if they ask you.

But Hange is fictional and Hange is a gift to the fandom.And I don’t even think the issue about Hange’s gender should have ever reached this far. The only thing Yams ever said was that Hange is just not the type to be tied down to a single gender.

And policing Hange’s gender and saying NOPE SHE’S NON BINARY USE THEY Is just counterintuitive to the whole idea that she’s a free spirit. In the end, Hange as a character wouldn’t have given a fuck whether people called her a they, she or even a he.

And yeah, it’s frustrating really that these two issues I just discussed above are ruining Hange as a character for a lot of people and consequently, ruining Levi x Hange as a ship.

Apparently, a lot of people are closet LxH shippers or closet Hange stans because the moment they tweet something about Hange, there are people who will attack them. If people refer to Hange as they, they get attacked. If people refer to Hange as she, they get attacked. There are so many antis apparently to the LxH ship, some apparently are jealous because ‘it’s the closest to canon’ while others just apparently deem it a toxic ship because of our own internal gender war.

There’s no winning really. And to be honest, there’s nothing I can do either and I don’t want to engage in any arguments in twitter if at the end of it, I’m just gonna end up wasting my time listening to ad hominem attacks directed at me just for not agreeing with someone in a fandom related matter. .

I’ve said my piece about the Hange gender issue so many times. There are NBs who use she. There are those who use they. Being female and being NB aren’t mutually exclusive. You can be both at the same time.

But yeah, we still have people being assholes about this and pushing factually wrong agendas. I love research and I have been writing research papers and metas for a lot of things even before I started this blog in the first place. And I eventually learned that the world is so complex that no opinion is completely and absolutely correct.

And ideally, opinions shouldn’t be made so easily.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe everyone is entitled to a preference and when I say preference I mean the type of food they like, the type of wallpaper they like.

But no one is entitled to a moral judgement or opinion just for existing and when I say opinion I mean questions on morals, on what’s right or what isn’t, what is or what should be. Every single person has the responsibility to research, hear both sides of a discourse and understanding them before deciding for themselves what’s right. And this is why hearing accusations that someone is ‘transphobic,’ ‘homophobic’ blah blah over how we hc a character just really does not sit well with me.

Passing moral judgement on someone requires discernment, deep thought and lots and lots of evidence. But yeah this is a philosophical question and a political question so I ain’t going to delve into it here.

Because, in the end, fandoms are preferences. The way we choose to participate in a fandom and create content are preferences more than anything.

So what? (Btw, if you reached all the way here, thank you for listening to me ramble lol and sorry if you weren’t expecting this type of ramble)

I know I’ve just been rambling a lot up there for a lot of reasons but really what message do I wanna give?

Fandoms are preferences more than anything so I don’t even believe that there should be a discussion on moral judgement here. People can have the weirdest kinks, the most questionable preferences but as long as they aren’t going around romanticizing abuse, beating up people in real life, killing them and lying in real life, who are we to judge?

Even if someone says they have a rape kink and abuse kink when it comes to fics, as long as they acknowledge it’s something they shouldn’t emulate in real life, as long as they can keep an adult conversation about it, I think these people are generally kinder and more pleasant overall than people who force their healthy canon ship and lynch everyone for having more questionable preferences.

Ship and let ship. Live and let live. Headcanon and let headcanon. If a person has a differing opinion, listen. (Or really, if you just don’t want to deal with listening to differing opinions coz you’re just gonna get stressed, don’t lynch? Don’t send hate? And just ignore it?)

Ask yourself. Does the person acknowledge that it isn’t right in real life? Do they acknowledge if they emulate it in real life it has the potential to be harmful?

Honestly, all I wanna do is just let people stan Levi and Hange however they want to. There are obviously hcs I dont agree with. But in the LH community we just all love Levihan, let’s not ruin the fandom experience for anyone. In the AOT community, we all just love AOT, let’s not ruin it for anyone. Let’s not hurt anyone, attack them etc.

If someone doesn’t agree and they can hold an adult conversation about it and they don’t emulate these toxic opinions in real life and they recognize that there is the option to just agree to disagree, why don’t we just listen and engage in this discourse to learn more about other people and to build more perspectives?

Because really it isn’t the questionable hcs or the multiple genders which leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. It’s the people who just go straight to attacking instead of actually considering that there’s potential for discourse and there’s potential to ‘agree to disagree’ because in the end, fandom discourse is a question of preference more than moral judgement.

It’s easier said than done really. But personally for me, I just try to keep my fandom experience as non toxic as possible while at the same time as mentally fulfilling as possible. I enjoy discourse, I like hearing differing opinions and I really believe with something as light and as inconsequential as fandoms as our common ground, we can learn to peacefully co-exist despite differing opinions on what the best ship is or what Hange’s gender is.

Note: I won’t delve too much on the Hange gender issue here because I have pending asks about those which I’ll answer in one go, but I really believe that both they and she are valid pronouns for Hange.

I have a general preference for ‘she’ because it’s just easier to read. But personally I don’t think too much about the gender identity issue because it’s really just too complex for me and i like spending my time thinking of other headcanons about Hange than gender and people who push the Hange is nb agenda and people who push the Hange is a female agenda and just insult each other and lynch each other are both equally unsettling.

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dropoutparty · 3 years

Text

ngc ramblings part 3- chapter 5

here we are at part 3!!! sorry this one took so long, i originally was gonna make this post include entropy and extus (along with finally talking about face in depth) but it was so fuckin long that im splitting it into 2 different posts! the next part isnt done yet but im like almost halfway done so it shouldnt be too much longer until its out! also before we get into this one:

tw for: death, animal death, and suicide. pls take care of urself and don't read this if those things are triggering for u <3

ok lets get on with the post

at the start of entropy zach doesnt waste any time getting right to the point. this place is bigger than the other planets so far, and zach says the music this time around is a melody that “started out normal but then got distorted” played by a violin sounding instrument. even tho i do sometimes forget that this is supposed to be a creepypasta im not surprised that he said it made him feel depressed and unnerved lmao. anyways, this planet has all new level types in it!! no reused ones!! ok now this is epic. the bosses this time around are megalon, battra, and mechagodzilla, but itll be a good while before we get to those guys because this chapter is long as hell holy shit?? buckle up babez <33 now, before i get into the meat of things as usual im gonna talk abt the planet name! entropy basically means “a lack of order/predictability or a gradual decline into disorder” and that's very accurate to this part of the story. at this point, red is pissed off and is getting desperate, which means from here on out things are going to be getting more intense and more unstable. this world is the turning point in the overall story, basically.

now with that out of the way, zach first goes to the worlds quiz level as usual! this time something was different. usually, in the quiz levels there would be goofy ass music playin in the bg (specifically the GH1D0RA cheat music, if you wanna like listen to it ig?) but from here on out its been replaced by the music from the games password screen, which zach called creepy earlier on in the pasta. im gonna glaze over the quiz again this time, but when we get to the next planet ill talk about all of the quizzes in depth all at once. basically all you need to know for now abt what happens here is face asks “do you like mothra?” and when zach picks no (after going on a tangent abt how mothra sucks lmao,, bro i swear im good at the game my controllers just messed up /s), face enters bastard mode and goes “TOO BAD!” and boom now zach cant play as anyone but mothra. zach is pissed for now but little does he know this is just going to become an even more epic gamer bc of this,, youll never get better at something if you never try and all that.

after that, zach moves on to the first level type- the forest. immediately zach gets an eerie feeling from this level bc he has some kinda fear involving forests at night (i can think of a reason why but ill have to talk abt that later just to be sure). hes also not feelin great about being forced to play as mothra, so the pressure of it all is def starting to get to him by now. the music in the forest is woodwinds followed by slow, rhythmic drums and chiming bells. must have been some ominous woodwinds and bells bc it made him feel like he was intruding somewhere he shouldnt be (oh rlly?? u dont say,, everything up until now has been fine /s). getting into the level itself, eventually zach comes across some weird deer-like monsters just vibing and scares them away when he gets close. later in the level he finds more of these weird deer along with a sloth-like creature on some of the trees and some raptor dudes killing some of the deer. zach shoots one of the raptors but thats about it. nothing really happened in this level but zach noted that he didnt feel like he was playing a video game, but instead it felt more like he was exploring a forest in another dimension. thats interesting for reasons ill ~get to later~ (yall must be so tired of hearing that by now omg,, i know im tired of saying it at least. i was gonna wait until after replay to talk about things but i severely underestimated how long this whole project would be, so i might make a post for the “more on that later” stuff before i get into replay. let me know what u think i should do).

anyways, the next thing zach checks out is the first tv screen level so far. these levels just play an animation with some music in the background, and theres a different animation per level. this time around the animation is of a kid with a beaver(?) head licking a lollipop and the music is the GH1D0RA music that the quiz levels used to use. the only thing of note here is that zach says he had a shirt that looked just like that when he was a kid. after that, were off to some of the weirdest fuckin levels in this whole thing imo- the hourglass levels. these levels have an entirely brown color palette, with grandfather clocks standing in the background (the level appears to be in like a hallway or something) and various time measuring things floating in the air. the music is the same as the board (ig cosby just didnt feel like thinking of what theme this place would have lol). after a little bit zach was rlly happy to see actual enemies from the normal game show up! these are basically like aircraft, tanks, etc. thats not the main attraction here tho, bc this level has its own unique mechanic! this mechanic is the colored hourglass items you can pick up. there are three of them, a blue one that slows time down and makes enemies from the past appear, a red one that speeds up time and makes enemies from the future appear, and a green one that made the time flow normally and spawned enemies from the normal game. zach found the blue one first, which caused a bunch of prehistoric enemies based on real animals to show up. after that he found a green one and fought normal enemies again, and then he found a red hourglass. the future enemies here look like aliens to me, and zach says that one enemy reminds him of something he saw in a book once. eventually, a special future creature showed up and zach was suddenly in a boss battle! or a mini boss battle? that description is probably more accurate. this guy doesnt have a face, and he can only attack by shooting a beam from his face, it sure does look cool! after zach beat it tho, he was off to the next level type, which is basically a toxic waste dump.

zach called it grungy and inhospitable, with the music being a synth ambient loop that made him feel dizzy while he listened to it. this is important because this is the first instance of the game making zach feel something *physically*, not just psychologically. all of the enemies here are mutated to some degree, with him first seeing green mummies with bird skulls coming out from vats of toxic slutch and a brownish cow skeleton monster with spider legs. later zach comes across a deer from the woods, drinking some toxic slutch (delinchous). zach got close to it to try making it stopped but suddenly some enemies came out of nowhere and scared it into running right off a ledge and into the slutch. rip :pensive:. after that zach found more mutated enemies (i.e some things with tentacles and some other deformed thing with human teeth) before he finally gets to the end of the level, where theres another miniboss waiting for him!! this ones a toxic sludge monster with a whale skull who attacks with a mouth projectile and by charging into you. the monster sank into the slutch and thats all for this level babeyy!

the next level is another forest, but this time its winter! its still at night, but this time zach doesnt feel off put, which he mostly attributes to the music. he describes it as a gentle, calm song that almost sounded romantic. the entire first segment of this level had no enemies in it, but dw this level is interesting i swear. the next segment starts out just as empty as the last one, but this time its silent. that is, until the music from “unforgiving cold” starts playing. yaa you remember that place!! i think i said it was less interesting than i remembered but its interesting again now bc it was foreshadowing these levels!! anyways soon after the music started up, zach started to come across tons of frozen bodies of the deer from earlier. some were mutilated, some werent, but they were all frozen and covered in snow. eventually zach does come across something living though, a sloth creature from earlier! its just vibing when suddenly the winter versions of the raptors from earlier rush in and fuckin obliterate the sloth thing. those things just blindly try killing everything in sight, and even start fighting themselves before zach finally gets to the last part of the level.

now this is where shit starts to get crayzay. this part opens up to a big empty field with a full moon and the nice music from earlier back. despite the nice music tho, zach immediately starts feeling dread and eventually he finds a lake. the lake comes down from the sky and starts to crack like an egg, a humanoid figure curled up in the fetus position dropping into the lake below and the moon halves disintegrated. this spawned the moon beast, the hardest challenge zachs had to deal with so far. after he finally defeats it, the screen goes to black and the name “melissa” is on screen, written in red. after that, the screen then says kys. the word kill then fills up the screen, layering over itself until it forms a picture of reds face. its now that we finally get to hear abt the whole melissa thing (which makes it sound like shes been mentioned in the pasta before this but thats not what i mean lmao). to summarize, zach had a middle school gf named melissa (also bro middle school?? wadda hell) who often went into “episodes” where she would stare off, expressionless, before trembling and putting her face in her hands. she and zach hung out in a field at night a lot but one night she just stared at the moon the whole time before running into traffic and dying.

NOW its finally later!!! were not done with entropy yet, but this is the end of part one of entropy so i wanna just take a little break to talk about things so far. this planet is FULL of symbolism and foreshadowing. to start off, i think a lot of the questions face asks at the beginning foreshadow things that happen. some examples are “is time slipping though your fingers?” which could allude to the time levels, “do you have any regrets?” which i think obviously foreshadows the whole melissa thing, “is it safe to go out at night?” and “do you find it hard to sleep at night?” both follow the same kinda theme, which i think relates to how the melissa incident happened at night, specifically out at night. i dont think the forest levels have anything too important in them, other than to introduce the presence of an innocent, harmless creature that doesnt deserve what happens to it later (aka the deer things) which might symbolize melissa. more evidence for this symbolizing melissa comes from the encounter with the deer in the toxic dump and the winter forest, where in the former zach tries to stop it from hurting itself but is too late, being forced to watch it die, and in the latter the same innocent thing from earlier is found dead close to where the real incident took place. the two big themes to keep in mind here are death and time, more specifically the past. most of the enemies here are either made from bones or kill other enemies, there's a dedicated time level referencing things that zach remembers seeing at one point (aka that one alien zach recognized), the beaver head had the same shirt as child zach did, it all connects to zachs past and the death of melissa. as for the moon beast, its the most obvious reference for reasons ive already explained. i dont really know what the moon cracking open and dropping a curled up human into the lake could mean other than some other thing melissa related, but i *do* think that the fact that the moon beast is the most difficult thing zach has faced so far is symbolic of the fact that the trauma from this event has followed him throughout his entire life, and its something he struggles with daily. it could even be the reason why he said no when face asked if he could sleep easily at night. the moon beast also has some black fur around its neck, which i think is meant to represent a tire track, referencing and/or mocking the way melissa died.

its so cool how this entire part of the story builds up to and foreshadows the bomb it drops at the end of the part, giving people something to look back on. a lot of ppl say that as soon as the melissa stuff gets introduced the story goes down in quality, and i do somewhat agree with that sentiment, especially if they want the story to actually be scary, but i think the direction the story goes from this point on is so unique and cool. it does follow the whole “theres a ghost in the game” troupe (even tho it was probably seen as a spin on that originally) but it doesnt do the same cliches as so many other gaming creepypastas do and it really takes the concept and makes it its own. i just think its neat,,,

anyways im done gushing abt this story, lets get on with part 2 of extus!! basically zach has a fuckin panic attack and, after taking a few minutes to calm himself down when its over, he decides that he has to finish the game now because if he doesnt its just going to haunt him for the rest of his life. zach has now realized that the game is “alive” and can somehow see his thoughts and memories, so understandably hes pretty freaked out by it at this point. when he keeps playing, the first thing he does is check out another tv screen level. this time, the animation is of a fish dude just kinda standing there with his mouth flapping open and closed and the music is the neptune board music from the original game. the only reason i can think of for why this is here is maybe the game is mocking zach for the panic attack he just had (bc when u have a panic attack you feel like you can barely breathe, if ur lucky enough to have never had one before and u dont know) but thats abt it. its probably just a random goofy thing cosby threw in there.

anyways, the next actual level is the first labyrinth level. this time around, its a gold labyrinth specifically. the music in these levels is a slow, ominous drum beat with female vocals occasionally coming in and (basically from here on out) the monster zach plays as is now half the size it used to be. i think this shows how zachs feeling at this point, like this whole thing isnt just being a big strong monster and beating up enemies any more, he feels small and scared and helpless in the face of something potentially dangerous that he doesnt understand maybe his confusion about the game is the reason *why* theres so many labyrinth levels here in the first place. anyways im getting ahead of myself. personally, i think the aesthetic of the gold labyrinth is very similar to the green temples back on trance. while trance had a more circular and soft theme to it's architecture and sculpture, entropys is much more square or rectangle oriented. despite this, i think that the golden mazes at least are another religious kind of building, and the architecture is just different because theyre two different cultures who just happen to worship the same spiritual figure (aka melissa. did i say that earlier? i think i did,, if i didnt well the religions worship melissa, not knowing she's a dead human or anything. probably).

moving on, zach notes how the gold labyrinth would probably have been impossible to navigate as any of the other monsters, so turns out face being an asshole was a blessing in disguise after all huh? anyways this place is full of weird gold monsters, lava/fire traps, and stone faces (both in more of an easter island head style and in the regular feminine headshot weve seen so far). zach comes across two feminine heads, one that is more adult looking and pure gold, and another one that looks much younger and whos eyes have red irises and blue scleras. this statue apparently looks a lot like melissa did on the night she died, so zach leaves it pretty quickly. i *think* this is the first time we see the color blue associated with melissa? if it isnt sorry abt that, its been a couple days since i worked on ngcr so ive forgotten some of the smaller or more subtle things by now. GOD i keep getting side tracked ANYWAYS eventually zach finds a non-gold enemy and sees it get picked up by like an arcade crane claw. hes curious so he follows the claw, only to see the monster be put in a big gold cauldron and walk out the side of it as a gold monster.

gonna be honest, no idea what the hell this could mean. like? theres been no themes of corruption or good things becoming evil so far so this just kinda. exists,, yea idk lol. im not part of like any discord servers or anything so all this theorizing and analysis has just been me, maybe getting some small ideas from like random youtube comments or something, so if something ive said so far has been unanimously disagreed with somewhere i dont know about it. thats also why this isnt really a definitive or comprehensive analysis (even tho im trying to be as comprehensive as i can).

anyways zach finds the exit soon after and hes on to the next level type (there's so fucking many of them ik dont worry weve almost gotten to all of them now), the indigo cliffs. the background of these levels is similar to the blue mountains from trance, but now the moon and clouds from the toxic dump background is also here (and colored indigo to match). the music here is just a deep rumbling noise. the first “enemies” he sees here are just a bunch of multicolored little guys coming out of a hole in the ground and jumping off a cliff. were continuing the death theme yall!! anyways zach continues, flying over some more weird creatures (tho some of them just look like dinosaurs lol) before he sees a bunch more of the multicolored guys out and about but this time theyre getting grabbed by birds!! wadda heel!!! zach comments on how the multicolored dudes seem eager to die and thinks maybe the moon has something to do with it (like melissa dude wat!!!! that's crazy /s). at the end of the level there were some more multicolored dudes just walking into a creatures mouth so zach attacked the thing and killed it and the levels over yay!

now its time for the bosses babeyy!!! first zach fights battra (basically an evil moth kaiju), the music is varans theme. battra starts off in his larvae form, where he basically just fought by running into you and shooting stuff at you. while fighting this form, zach noticed that the game buffed mothra because his gamer skillz were too cringe lmaoo. he beats the larvae form and battra goes into his second form, where hes basically a stronger clone of mothra (misogyny). zach fights battra and has fun doing it (for once,, good for him) and he wins yay! next hes fighting megalon (a big beetle/bug kaiju), whos music was gigans theme. im tired when im writing this so ill just give you zachs description of how he fought: “strong, persistent, but dumb”. after this, zach checks out the last tv screen of entropy. this time, it shows a big buff guy with a sack over his head hit a womans head with a sledgehammer while shes tied to a table or something. the music for it was the password theme. i think this is probably here because red is getting angrier? like this guy is still here after i triggered his ptsd?? what the hell!!!

anyways before we get to the last boss we have one last level type to get through- the shadow labyrinth. at this point, zach starts to feel drained because no shit sherlock you just had a panic attack and youve been playing this game for fuckin several hours at this point of course youre fuckin drained. anyways zach enters the shadow labyrinth, which is a black recolor of the gold labyrinth. the music is “evil ambience” similar to unforgiving colds music but distinctly different apparently. there werent any enemies so zach just kinda wandered for a while until the lights turned off, darkening the whole screen and (secretly) spawning tons of spooky enemies thatll chase and hit mothra in the dark. eventually the lights came back on and zach started scrambling to the exit. when the lights turned back off, zach was able to find one of the melissa looking statues and stood next to it. it warded off the monsters while the lights were off, so zach was safe. i think this shows 2 things: 1) its a little more validation for my “religion in this world worships melissa” theory and 2) it foreshadows the way melissa wants to protect zach at the end of the game. zach beat the shadow labyrinth a lot faster than the gold one so were done with all the stages now!! now theres only the last boss and red and were done with entropy!

the last boss is mechagodzilla, but when zach starts the level, normal godzilla is there instead!! its whatever tho bc soon the disguise is gone and its just pretty much the normal mechagodzilla fight (but now hes got a gay beam). at about half health tho, mechagodzillas sprite breaks into pieces like gezoras did way back on earth and reforms into not-mechagodzilla. even tho it looks uncanny (and the usage of the face statue on the front is probably there to further mock zach bc melissa) zach beats it p easily and now its time for the chase. ba dum ba dum thats the sound of a chase.

as usual tho, before i get to the red chase its time to talk about entropy as a planet!! i think the best way to describe the layout is “a big forest with a toxic waste dump in it takes up half the planet while the other half is a large religious temple/labyrinth with a dangerous underbelly”. there doesnt seem to be any intelligent life there now (its all dead by now probably) but there was at some point at least because imean the huge labyrinth is there dude!!! i dont have much to say for this section tbh bc i feel like i've already said everything i wanted to, so its time for the chase ig!!

basically the chase with red here takes place in a labyrinth level bc of course it does. this labyrinth, however, seems to be made of some kind of organic matter. is it flesh? organs? nondescript viscera? idk but it's pulsating and bloody. also this time red has wings too!! anyways, basically zach avoids red throughout the maze, red breaks through one of the walls with his big alien tongue, and zach gets to the end of the maze. nothing crazy happens at the end of this chapter (i think it was crazy enough as is) so thats the end of that and now its time for the penultimate planet- extus.

#ngc ramblings #nes godzilla creepypasta #godzilla nes creepypasta #godzilla nes

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wazzuppy · 3 years

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BYF (OLD)

COMMISSIONS

help me afford new clothes

hello!! this is a big masterpost for information about my blog, including DNI list, a list of my triggers and sqicks, my other blogs, and more! PLEASE read this before you follow, or if we're mutuals.

DO NOT INTERACT:

do NOT interact with me if you support or are any of the following things!

if there is an "x" next to it, i've linked something that explains why i don't support it and don't want people who do to interact with me or my blog.

if you have any questions, feel free to ask! i'm happy to elaborate <3

maps/pears/pedos

s*xual agere

terf/tirf/swerf/radfem/super straight

anti-anti/pro ship

if you think fiction doesnt effect reality

truscum/transmed/trumed

abuse

ableist

racist

support pewdiepie

support the dream smp (x)

support the game grumps

anti-abortion

facist

exclusionist

against the lgbtqia+ community at all

incest

support cringe culture

fatphobic

think that "blackwashing" is the same as whitewashing

against anyone using their desired pronouns, regardless of gender (example: lesbians using he/him, nonbinary people using neopronouns or binary pronouns)

fetishize mlm or wlw relationships/fujoshi/fudanshi

use slurs when you cant reclaim them

xenophobic

defend rapists

anti-neopronouns

anti-mogai

anti-kin

anti-self ship

think only lesbians can use butch/femme

think people with psychosis, schizophrenia, DID, ect are "dangerous" or "scary."

think that found family isn't a real family

bi/pan lesbian

support trump

nft/crypto

if you're an nsfw account (i'm a minor)

SOFT DNI

if you romantically self ship with donnie (rottmnt), i'd prefer if you didn't interact. its genuinely nothing personal, its just for my own comfort.

BASIC INFO/ABOUT ME:

hi!! my name is tara, but i also go by the names wazzup, fennie, duck, lolly, and minnie; please feel free to use any and all of them! i use she/her pronouns primarily, but also use they/them and squi/squish-- which pronouns i'm using at the moment will change, so check my bio every once and a while if you wanna be sure (i also have a pronouns page if you wanna check it!!) i'm 16 years old. im asexual and pan-fictoromantic (i consider myself aromantic bc im not attracted to like. actual ppl dhgjdhfj), and i am afab bigenderflux (fem & squishmallowgender). i have anxiety, depression, gerd, and adhd and autism (although i have not been officially diagnosed with adhd or autism due to a lack of resources, i am very certain i am not neurotypical). also, i use tumblr mobile!

some important tags are: "#tara says stuff", which is for when i talk about whatever is on my mind; "#vent" which is for when i make vent posts; "#stuff i made" and my old tag, "#tara makes a thing", which is for content that i create myself (such as edits, memes, ect); "#important" which is for things such as donations and carrds and urgent news. some things will also be tagged as "#thing tw" (for example: blood tw, flashing tw, bright colors tw). i also will put "#ask to tag" if i'm worried something will be upsetting but am unsure of how to tag it. so, if you'd like me to tag something, ask me and i will!! 💕

TRIGGERS & SQUICKS

mutuals PLEASE tag posts that contain any of these as "#tara dont look" (with or without a ' sign, both are blocked). 💕

steven universe

truancy

being taken away from your parents (only applies to parents that are good to you or that you actually consider family)

my birthday (i have really bad chronophobia and gerascophbia, so it tends to be extreamely difficult for me to handle)

calling characters that show signs of neurodivergency dumb, stupid, weird, or annoying

animal death or injury, especially pets

high-pitched/shrill sounds

the x files

referring to me as ze/zir

douxie casperan (tales of arcadia), krel tarron (tales of arcadia), katsuki bakugou (my hero academia), mark beaks (ducktales), shadow the hedgehog (sonic), hatsune miku (vocaloid), and especially donnie (rottmnt) and red son (monkie kid) being shipped with anyone.

shipping the any of the triple threat (henry stickmin) together.

shipping kenning flugslys (villainous) with anyone but especially miss heed

comparing red son and donnie to each other

MY FANDOMS/INTERESTS:

note: i'm critical of all of them, although some more so than others.

note #2 (electric boogaloo): if the text is in bold and italics, that means it's my current hyperfixation. if it's pink text, it's my special interest.

101 dalmatian street

ace attorney

animaniacs

animal crossing

barbie

big time rush (the show not the irl band hdgjhdgjhd)

crash bandicoot

darkwing duck (1991)

disney channel/disney xd sitcoms (primarily mighty med and lab rats)

ducktales (2017)

epithet erased

fashion

henry stickmin

ikenfell

kagerou project

kingdom hearts

kirby

legend of zelda

madoka magica

mario

milgram

monkie kid

ninjago

owl house

phineas & ferb/milo murphys law

pokémon

pretty cure

psychonauts

sanrio/san-x

aggretsuko

sonic the hedgehog

studio ghibli

tales of arcadia

teenage mutant ninja turtles (especially rottmnt)

undertale/deltarune

villainous

vocaloid

watcher/buzzfeed unsolved, they r the only youtubers i would ever be in a fandom for

MY OTHER BLOGS:

note that some are much, much more active than others.

main: @wazzuppy

self ship blog: @blushxblush

kin blog: @madohomu-kins

editing blog: @wazzuppy-edits

kagepro blog: @lets-daze

rottmnt/tmnt blog: @donnies--jacket

monkie kid blog: @funkie-monkie

barbie/childhood blog: @disastersapphicbarbie

epithet erased blog: @mollywollydolly

milgram blog: @mahiruuu

other: @wazzuppy-reblogs

~~~~~

thank u for reading until the end ily 💕💗💝💞💓💘💖

#masterpost #dni list #sideblog list #trigger list #squick list #fandom list #interest list #about me #basic info #blog info

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purge-that-urge-rhackathon · 3 years

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Spoons? What spoons?

Hi yall! Been meaning to check in for a while :3 put under a read more cuz goddamn it has been a while.

SO when last we met LOLOL or some other opener... xD

Dad

Dad’s doing as well as can be expected. His brain is more or less getting back to normal (mom says its not; I told her she’s just seeing him for the first time proper and all the cruel shit he’s saying/doing is very much in-character for him when he’s not always stoned, but thanks to therapy I have the words and stuff to communicate all that abusive shit to her now; I love him but I hate him but we’ll touch on that xD). He’s had three amputations so far and he’s developed osteomyelitis (bone infection) so he’s been doing 2hr ‘dives’ in the Hyperbaric chamber every other day to fight it up to 10 dives. I’m told its $200,000 treatment which their new health insurance is fully paying for cuz one surgery already hit the $20,000 premium (don’t even get me started on THAT fight I had to do to get them signed up so we’d still have a place to live- they don’t ‘believe’ in insurance cuz they dont know shit... lawsuits are still pending and will be for the next 2-3yrs i expect). So... yeah. Mom has stepped up with a lot of stuff and she’s better educated on it all too thank fuck.

Thank fuck for therapy

The entire time dad’s stuff has been taking place, I’ve been attempting therapy, which was never explained to me properly/offered of ‘why am i here’ sort of thing, soooo about 4months (5-6 sessions of 30min therapy) turned out to be a COMPLETE waste of time. I’m on mediCal and the clinic they assigned me to only deals with mild-moderate trauma and can only see me for max. of six months when most patients make an improvement. Asking the therapist when we’d actually get to the trauma and triggers and all the other shit I’ve been pursuing therapy for two years over resulted in some clarity and I’ve been putting off making the phone call X_X My therapist only deals with singular trauma, and she said I have complex/multiple trauma with PTSD, and there’s no possible way (in my opinion and hers as well) I’d get any modicum of ‘better’ in six months cuz I’m too damaged, so like... that’s fun to know. I’ve been living in denial about my quality of life for decades and hearing it from a professional has considerably destroyed my sense of self (as it should tbh cuz these rose colored glasses are made of broken bottles LOL). Everything about myself revolves around survival tactics so I’m kind of floundering about living in lies (cuz coming to terms with trauma you’ve convinced yourself doesn’t actually bother you too much will do that, and ‘fawning’ is apparently one of the flight/fight responses and hardcore how i’ve lived these past decades) sooooo that’s what I’m dealing with and it’s super painful to come to terms with. If you’ve ever had to eat fast-food ketchup packets cuz you’re so hungry as a child and there’s nothing else you can have and they’re free, WELP then you might have a very very small window of what my quality of life has been like (: and me and my sister just thought we were fat kids for always being hungry constantly LOL

Also thank fuck for brain medication

On the good news end, I’ve officially been medicated just over 2months for my adhd :D I’m on atomoxetine (strattera) and it’s COMPLETELY gotten rid of my executive dysfunction, I can get up in the morning regardless of how much sleep I’ve gotten, and I have much more energy and motivation to do stuff :) My medication isn’t a stimulant but works on the adrenal glands (which I suspected from various other body ailments might be the source of a LOT of my problems-- especially the chronic fatigue- and if the meds took them away, then I was right, and they did, so.... adrenal gland fixer yay!) and anyways it’s improved life a lot. It gives me goosebumps sometimes too which is funny but I’m real happy with it. If anyone has any questions, I’ve always been a loud mouth irl about my disorders in order to be visible and unashamed for others, and I’ve helped a lot of peers irl with mental bullshit and I’m always willing to pay it forward! :)

The doom and gloom stuff xD

I’m trying to get back into writing. Desperately. I spend time at night writing a couple of sentences when it’s quiet, but then I usually pass out in five minutes cuz tbh I don’t really sleep anymore and I haven’t since dad’s accident so progress on my creative endeavors is going very very slow. Lord knows I have the fucking time rn. I’ve been getting one shift a week at work since June cuz there’s NO hours, so I’m freaking out about money (i’m probably gonna open commissions again), and my life, and my age, and how I’ll never get out of fucking debt at this rate, and how I’m so fucking mentally fucked cuz I can’t do two/three jobs with my fucking adhd and shit, and I want to move out but I can’t live with other people cuz of the aforementioned trauma/distrust and it’s not like anywhere is affordable anyways in this hell country soooo. Yeah. I’m at the point of taking out balance transfers from credit cards to deposit cash into my bank account cuz i can’t fucking survive otherwise and I guess I’ll figure that out next month. I joke around but are any of you an escort/have you done that kind of work before/could I ask questions? >_> I need options. If I could sell an organ for about $25k i’d just do that but i AM desperate and I’m open to any and all suggestions for quick cash no matter how demeaning. Can’t demean someone who’s used to it all their life! :D Real talk tho i’m not kidding, if anyone could point me to some resources, DM me :|

So yeah that’s what’s up in a nutshell. Really REALLY wanna write and finish some shit... existential dread and basic survival is getting in the way of that. Bear with me though, it’s been a very very tough year but nothing has been abandoned and I’m definitely around. Just rarely have the spoons to do shit :D

#poisonjack jabbers #you'd never guess i once had a million-dollar life insurance policy would you? or a government job with perks. fuck i miss japan.#i've got 4 side hustles that bring in maybe $200 every other month/every three months and its low maintenance but it aint enough #i promise im not miss negativity i'm just burnt out and disappointed with myself that im not doing more while i have the time :\#i'd love to go back to bartending but i can't mask anymore and most of the assholes at bars rn are unvaxxed and im vaxxed but still at risk #theres a bikini bar in town i thought to apply to but i need to lose some weight first before they'll accept me and thats hard x_x #anywho im pretty certain im gonna open fic commissions again sooooo thats something :D

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brelione · 4 years

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Intervene (Barry X Reader)

Request:could you write a fic where Rafe is hitting on you at a party, but doesn't realize your Barry's girl? Rafe does something gross/awful and you take offense. Barry just stands back and watches you handle the situation, only stepping in before you go too far.

TW:Harrassment,sexual innuendos.

Being Barry’s girl meant helping him out at parties.Carrying a pistol,weed and coke for when shit started happening.It was one of those huge ass kook parties with loud music and plenty of stupid teenagers that were looking to buy.

Barry never forced you to leave the trailer, letting you do whatever you wanted most of the time as long as he knew where you were and that you were safe and had your phone on you just in case things went south and broke out into a fight.

He always made sure you were armed, didnt matter where you were going or who you would be with.He always had you carry a gun or a knife.He cared a lot for you, you were probably the one person on the island that he actually gave a shit about.

He remembered meeting you and immediately having an attraction to you, not just to your appearance but your overall aura and the way you spoke.He had listened to every word, the way you began to stutter when you were nervous.

He knew how you would act at parties, secretly watching you like some stalker.He admired the way that you’d take their keys, hiding them and writing a note on their leg for when they were sober enough to see properly.

You’d stay with the younger folks that were doing hard drugs to make sure that they wouldnt overdose or accidentally hurt themselves.He couldnt understand how you had the space in your mind to care about these random clients and he couldnt understand why he cared about you either.

It made him smile when you brought the money back to him, listening to the rules that he had given you and bringing back just as much as you should have.

Most of his workers would take some of the money from themselves or spend a fraction on something but you never did, not until he told you that you could when he found out that you lived in a shed with a shitty mattress on the floor with a battery powered lantern.

He would invite you over so you could sleep in a real bed and then at some point you had moved in with him.He didnt even know how he ended up falling for you and kissing you good night, hugging you from behind and pulling you to sit in his lap while he played a card game with a client.

He had noticed little things about you, how you were ready to fight anyone that dared to talk back to him.You were the only one allowed to do that and for anyone else to do that was a direct attack on both you and Barry.

Tonight Rafe had a good amount of shit on him,looking for people that were stupid enough.He had seen you at Barry’s plenty of times, never understanding where you were or why you were there.

Barry had gone to get alcohol,letting you roam free.He liked to watch you in your natural habitat,easily getting the crowds to split so you could get through.He sipped a beer,keeping an eye on you,chuckling when he noticed Rafe approach you.

He knew how much you hated the tall boy and how annoying Rafe was.He was excited to see how things would play out, a smirk on his face, taking a quick shot of fireball before turning to watch again.

“Hey beautiful.”Rafe smirked,refusing to move out of your way.You rolled your eyes,going to move around him only for him to grab your arm,squeezing your wrist. “Dont try to ignore me.”He whispered,his eyes moving down to places that they shouldnt be.You knew that you could easily destroy him, not feeling worried because you had the upper hand.Rafe just didnt know it yet.

You sighed,attempting to move past him again. “What?You think you’re too good to have a conversation with me?Dont be like that.”He chuckled,pretty much undressing you with his eyes.It was absolutely disgusting. “Im a fucking pogue,you’re not my type.”You hoped that would work.

You knew how much he despised the residents of The Cut.He shrugged, not really caring. “Doesnt matter,you’re hot.”He replied,biting down on his bottom lip. “Get the fuck out of my way.”You repeated, not backing down.

His smirk turned into nothing but emotionless,staring down at you and gripping your waist tight to hold you in place.You knew him as Rafe Cameron or ‘Country Club’.You had heard his name thrown around, mainly from Barry and the kids that Rafe terrorized.You couldnt even imagine being so pathetic that you started to beat up 16 year olds that were just living their lives.

He was a coke addict,an asshole and an all around terrible guy.He would stare at you whenever he saw you in Barry’s place,whether it be on the bed or in the main room with a blunt in between your fingers.His eyes would go wide when they fell on your practically bare chest,his face flushing and looking away quickly.It was annoying as all hell.

“Do you know who the fuck I am?”He asked,fingernails digging into your skin. “Yeah?You think youre cool shit?Nobody gives a fuck who you are.”You snarled at him,scratching up both his wrists with your nails,creating red bloody lines.He stared down in horror.

“You fucking bitch-I should punish you.”He grabbed at both your wrists,seeming like he was trying to throw you to the ground but not succeeding.He smiled a bit,licking his lips. “Can you imagine if I fucked you?You’re gonna look at me and tell me youre not interested?”He asked, looking you up and down.Managing to get one of your arms free,grabbing your pistol and holding the cold metal against Rafe’s chest.

Barry sighed,finishing his beer,deciding to intervene before you pulled the trigger.If it were anyone else he probably would’ve let you shoot but because it was Rafe he would lose half of his business if the son of a bitch was dead.Rafe watched,eyebrows furrowed as Barry came up behind you,his arms locking around your waist,whispering in your ear.

“You wanna shoot him, baby?Go ahead and do it.Or you can let me punish the bitch, your choice.”He kissed your temple,smirking when you let out a sigh and dragged the cold metal down Rafe’s chest and put the pistol back in its place.

“What did I tell you about messing with my shit?”Barry asked, squeezing your waist with a grin on his face as Rafe’s eyes widened, gulping. “Huh?You’re not gonna answer me?”Barry was holding you by his side,a smirk on his face. “I-I dont...you said not to mess with anything.”Rafe mumbled,staring at your gun nervously.

Barry nodded,squeezing your waist. “Yeah,that includes my girl.”Barry glanced over at you, Rafe’s heart dropping into his stomach.He didnt know that you were Barry’s.He had seen you around the trailer plenty of times,even seeing you on Barry’s bed in just your bra and underwear but he had assumed you were just the drug dealer’s fuck buddy.

“I-I didnt know...im sorry.”Rafe mumbled, not quite satisfying you. “Why are you apologizing to me?Im not the one you tried to fuck, what?You dont got any respect for my girl? Fuckin misogynist ass.”Barry glared,thinking about a million ways he could absolutely pulverize the kook in front of him.

You chuckled,your arm around Barry. “Yeah, rich bitch.You want me to fucking shoot you in that ugly face of yours?I think your brain would look pretty great splattered across the ceiling.What do you think,Bear?”You asked your boyfriend,noticing the way his eyes were twinkling at the way you were being so assertive.

“I think it’d look great,some color in this fuckin prison lookin place.”Barry agreed,looking up at the bare ceiling. “No-no,please!Dont kill me-im sorry.Im sorry, I didnt realize.”Rafe stuttered,making you laugh.

“What?You’re only sorry because you know that im Barry’s bitch?What if I wasnt?”You asked,rolling your fingertip over the trigger of the gun.Rafe licked his lips,not knowing where to look or what to do.

“I just...I didnt mean it like that.”He muttered, quite literally about to shit his pants. “You didnt mean what?Didnt mean to what?To bruise me or say rude shit to me?Which is it?”You asked,watching Barry’s jaw clench.

You hummed when he didnt answer, lifting up your leg and kicking him hard in the crotch.The boy collapsed,gasping for air.You pulled Barry’s arm off you,kneeling down and grabbing Rafe by his hair,pulling his head up before slamming his face onto the tile and sending his teeth through his bottom lip.

You smiled,giggling as you grabbed Barry’s hand. “Alright, lets go home.”You smiled up at your boyfriend,kissing him gently before leading him out of the large house.Rafe’s friends were rushing towards him and trying to figure out what happened.

You couldnt care less, Rafe Cameron’s friends were a ton of pussies that wouldnt dare to mess with someone that had a gun.Barry twirled you around, chuckling as you got into the car, his hand on your thigh as he drove. “He was scared shitless, baby.Its cute when you’re all defensive.”He grinned,pulling in behind the trailer.

“Shut up.”You answered,going inside and getting on the bed,emptying your pockets of drugs,laying down properly.He came in a few moments later,stripping into just his boxers and his tanktop,climbing into the bed next to you, pulling one of the many blankets over the both of you with a sigh. “You shouldve shot him.”He grumbled. “Yeah, maybe next time.”You kissed his forehead.

@outerbongs @copper-boom @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl @simonsbluee @jiaraendgame @khiaraaa-in-spacee @on-socks-off

If you’d like to be tagged in all future JJ imagines/headcannons/series comment with a heart,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Pope imagines/headcannons/series comment with a smiling face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Rafe imagines/headcannons/series comment with a frowning face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Kiara imagines/headcannons/series comment with a question mark and if you’d like to be tagged in all future Sarah Cameron imagines/headcannons/series comment with a plus sign.If you’d like to be tagged in all Kelce content coment with a “>” and if youd like to be tagged in all Topper content comment with a “%”.If you’d like to be tagged in Barry imagines/headcannons comment with a purple emoji.Or if thats too complicated you can just comment whose name you’d like to be tagged in.

#barry outerbanks #barry obx #barry #barry x reader #outer banks #outerbanks fanfic #outerbanks imagine #nick cirillo #outerbanks #rafe cameron #rafe obx

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love-and-anarchy-au · 3 years

Text

Love & Anarchy: Chapter 14

well well, we finally got to this cringy chapter yeeyy xd but seriously, this chapter does give me cringe vibes; its crucial though. ONE THING: for picturing Gatlon, i inspire in big cities like NY as also C.A.B.A. (Ciudad Autonoma de Buenos Aires). it’s a bit of both, but in this chapter, a particular situation that happened to david & alec, is based on actual events that happened here in argentina back in 2017/2018 (i dont remember exactly when). OF COURSE ITS STILL FICTION AS ALEC’S REACTION IS RELATIONED TO IMPOSSIBLE SUPER POWERS (digo esto pa que no me maten por no ser cien por ciento accurate). i have nothing else to say, enjoy this chapter (so sorry if your eyes bleed with so many straight things).

REMEMBER THIS AU HAPPENS IN THE SAME UNIVERSE THAT THIS ONE

Find out what this AU is about here

Masterlist

Tag list: @healing-winston-pratt @dawniebb @obsidianfr3sk @nodrianbcyes @everyone-has-a-nightmare @magykaldealings @quinterickson @cerenoya @cassin-the-assasin

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Words

12,900

Part 2: A teen named Ace Artino

15 years old Alec

“Ace, you there?”

Alec didn't move, but Alexandra walked into his room anyway. Click clock click clock.

“You okay?” Alexandra whispered.

“Never,” Alec muttered bleakly.

Only God knew what time it was when Alexandra entered Alec's room without warning, as she used to do. Her boots clicked on the bare concrete floor. The shapes were diffuse shadows and the only light was that one coming through Alec's window: a warm and cold light, product of Gatlon's various lights. He felt the weight of Alexandra being close to him, as the mattress became even thinner than it already was...which was a lot to say because that mattress was already paper thin on.

Alec had been deep in his thoughts, sticky as tar, and heavy as chains. Alec's day had been difficult: he had had to go with his brother David to the other side of the city, to the east center, and help him sell his metals. David was not the most talkative person of all, and his presence only made him think of Julieta; he didn't like being around him; all those years he had tried to let go of his dead sister's voice, and he had succeeded, but being with David made him feel like the helpless, defenseless child he was back then, the same child that had not been able to save his sister and hadn’t been strong enough to defend himself from his abusive father, either.

Anyways, David and him had settled on a wide sidewalk, with no shops, just drab and clean apartments, since they were in one of the most wealthy suburbs of Gatlon City. They spread their gray and threadbare blanket, and scattered the metal goods on it. There were three clients and two reproaches from the neighbors until the police arrived and threw them out for not having the necessary sales permit. David nodded, since he was used to being thrown out of the places where he sold his metals, but Alec did not move, not knowing why he had been petrified but aware that it was not right for them to be thrown out of each place and sentenced to another missing dinner. He looked the policeman in the eyes and held his gaze, because not selling metals implied not having money, and not having money implied not being able to pay the mortgage, not being able to pay for David's school, not being able to pay the bills and above all, not having food.

Alec refused to leave without selling all the goods.

He didn't want to go through another night without eating.

He didn't want to have to depend on his friends, no matter how selfless they were when it came to him.

The boy took a deep breath and puffed out his chest, as if collecting courage to say something.

It wasn’t enough.

The policeman looked at him superior.

“Leave,” he ordered and turned his back on them.

And that ignited the trigger to Alec's powers.

His invisible hands carefully took the policeman's revolver, which was on his hip, and brought it into Alec's real hands, in the blink of an eye. Alec didn't have time to realize what he had just done, nor did anyone else. His hands of flesh and blood held that artifact of metal, gunpowder and death.

David looked at him with wide eyes.

They said: “What have you done?”

Alec looked at him in alarm, the deadly object still in his hands, which they held in a foreign manner, like a bomb. That object gave him so much power, so much authority, all because everyone feared pain, death...

He didn't want that power.

So he dropped the gun and ran off, not seeing where he was going.

He turned into an alley and hid there, behind a dumpster, hugging his legs with his arms, until David found him and knelt beside him. He had a bruise on his right cheekbone.

“David…” Alec began to apologize.

His brother shook his head and placed his golden hand on Alec's shoulder.

“I think you shouldn't come with me anymore.”

A lump formed in Alec's throat.

“I'm sorry, David.”

David smiled sadly.

“I know you are.”

And he stood up and left.

For the rest of the day, David and Alec did not speak to each other. The words his brother had spoken to him echoed in Alec's brain over and over again and made him feel guilty and stupid. It had not been his intention to steal the gun from the policeman, or to flee the consequences like a coward, or for his brother to receive his first beating for having defended him, or to have been another annoyance.

However, perhaps it had been his intention and for that he felt guilty.

Alec had no idea.

He only knew that he felt bad and that he would not be able to sleep that night.

Something that was more likely now that Alexandra had come over.

Alec took a deep breath and turned his body to the side where the girl was.

Alexandra shook her head, shaking her sparse, thick oil-black hair, and sat closer to Alec. She took his hand, and massaged it, just like Julieta used to do. Lately, everything reminded him of his childhood, as much as he wanted to leave behind that bloody and sunny past ...

“Why are you here?” Alec asked, in a whisper.

Alexandra smiled wistfully.

“Am I bothering you? If so, I can leave.”

Alec shook his head.

“Never.”

Alexandra massaged his hand harder.

“I want to ask you something.”

Alec smiled weakly. Talking to Alexandra distracted him from his regrets and his past, and he liked that. Alexandra was the present lived to the fullest, which was what Alec was looking for.

“Go ahead.”

Alexandra inhaled and blurted out, in a rush of words:

“Do you wanna go out with me?”

Alec froze, this time from uncertainty and not from sleep.

“Is this a dream?” Alec asked, extremely confused. Had he heard the question correctly...?

Alexandra laughed softly and replied mischievously:

“Why? Do you dream about me, Alec Artino?”

Alec's cheeks burned, invisible in the gloom. Alec appreciated that. To take weight off Alexandra's question, he replied:

“Sometimes. I also dream about James.”

Alexandra laughed again, this time her laugh was breathless and broken . They were both lucky that Alec's father was not in the apartment, and that David was a heavy sleeper (it was easier to wake God from his eternal sleep than David Artino to go to Mass on Sundays or to school every weekdays).

“You two would be the perfect couple,” Alexandra commented sarcastically.

“Then why are you asking me out?” replied Alec.

Alexandra closed her mouth and fell silent, thinking.

“Why not? I like you, you’re handsome and on top of that, you’re sharp as a tack. Besides, there doesn’t have to be a reason for everything, ya know?”

Alec's cheeks were suffering the worst of fires.

“Did you just call me ‘handsome’?” Alec inquired, trying to deflect the question he had asked. He wasn't ready to answer it.

“Yes, I did,” Alexandra replied and Alec felt Alexandra's sweet artificial cherry breath on his skin. They were close, close, close.

Alec was afraid of the possible question Alexandra might ask him.

Or that she had already done to him, without words.

“Can I kiss you?” Alexandra whispered in Alec's ear.

There it is.

God, Alec wasn't ready for that.

He loved Alexandra very much but he was not ready to kiss her.

He wasn't ready to kiss anyone, in fact.

He was just so ... confused. Insecure. Nervous. Anxious.

He didn’t want to mess it up.

How do you mess up a kiss?

“No,” Alec replied, on a gasp.

That’s how.

“It's okay,” Alexandra said, in a compassionate voice, as she stepped away from Alec, making the mattress a millimeter thicker, and moving closer to the window, her boots tapping rhythmically again. She was ready to go back from where she had come from

“But I do want to date you,” Alec continued, propping himself up on his elbows, a little more upright than before. Alexandra turned to see him. Her face was a blur in the dark.

“Really?”

“Really. This isn’t a dream, right?” Alec joked and got out of bed, unintentionally ripping its threadbare sheet from it. The ground was cold and rough, and his skin felt an electrifying sting as it came into contact with it. His steps were as silent as his presence in society.

“Right,” Alexandra replied.

They were face to face, although Alec was slightly shorter because of Alexandra's tall boots. He looked into her eyes, which were the only thing visible on her face, as they shone with the low light inside (which was a product of the outside). Alec smiled, and Alexandra must have seen him, because she smiled too.

“But why?” Alec questioned and earned an exasperated snort from Alexandra.

“Why not?”

“Why yes?”

“Why not?!”

Alec laughed and then covered his mouth, realizing that he had laughed very loudly and that his father would come looking for him, and hit him for...for...

Alexandra hugged him, to calm him from all the nerves he had.

Papà is not here, he reminded himself.

He exhaled hard and shook like a leaf in a hurricane.

“I feel like James right now,” Alec muttered.

“Why?” Alexandra asked.

“Why not?” Alec joked. Alexandra hit him with her elbow.

“Seriously, why?”

Alec sighed.

“Because you two are always fighting.”

Alexandra laughed.

“Indeed.”

Alexandra took Alec's hands, which were shaking. The wind enveloped them, they were in the center of an imaginary tornado. So many memories, feelings, laughs, words, all envelopping their hearts, like a windy hug.

Leaves and houses, cars and glasses, all and all in the center of the wind...

It had been so long since Alec sang that song.

He left it singing deep in his mind.

Alec returned to the present, to Alexandra's eyes, to her hands, to her lips...

“I want to date you ‘cause I believe we both deserve love. You're a genius, Ace, never forget that, please,” Alexandra explained and leaned closer to Alec. He gulped.

God.

The tornado swam more turns per minute. More images, more sounds, more feelings running through his veins.

“This is weird,” Alec commented, trying to calm himself.

Alexandra smiled sadly.

“I know. If you're not comfortable…”

Alec shook his head.

“I am comfortable, it's just that this is...unexpected,” Alec explained, trying to choose the correct words.

Alexandra nodded and then changed her sad smile for a mischievous one.

“You really didn’t see it comin’?”

Alec shrugged and Alexandra giggled.

“You really are adorable.”

Alec frowned. He didn't know how to feel when he was complimented. His head was spinning round and round.

Alexandra sighed.

“Well, Acey darlin', I gotta go.”

Alec nodded and walked Alexandra to the window. Alexandra put both of her legs through the metal frame and sat there. Before she started to slide down the metal ladder below, she placed a kiss on Alec’s forehead, one that he felt stickier than expected (maybe because of the gloss she was using 24/7).

Alexandra was beautiful under the lights of Gatlon City. Her black low-cut dress, her stolen leather boots (her only pair of boots), her blood-red lips, her sparkling eyes, her honey-sticky gaze. Her hair was tousled by the wind, and her expression was wild.

She was the living image of rebellious youth.

And she was beautiful.

Alec smiled, happy that Alexandra had asked him out, for having said yes, because he was him, because she was her and not someone else, and also, because all the anguish and tar in his mind had spread.

“Bye bye, see ya later,” Alexandra said goodbye and began to descend, while spiders and spiders came to her aid, one that Alec did not understand how it worked. Nor did he understand how Alexandra managed to avoid falling into the void that ended in concrete and cement, but there were things that were better not to ask.

“Bye,” Alec said and returned to his bed, with electrified feet, a smile on his lips and a tornado in his heart. With his mind he drew the piece of cloth that was supposed to be a sheet and covered himself with it. The smile on his lips seemed indelible.

Alexandra had chosen him.

Him.

The least desirable being in the entire galaxy, chosen by youth and rebellious beauty embodied in a human being. He, a boy marked with leather belts wielded by his father; she, a girl marked by her own hands, in the absence of parental figures. The two alone, the two found. A smile like a nuclear explosion, a presence like a constant breeze. Both different, both the same.

Both together.

Alec closed his eyes.

Everything would be fine as long as he was with Alexandra, the girl that seemed to be immortal as time itself. She was his laugh, his everything among nothing.

For once in his life, he didn’t regret anything.

He smiled all night long.

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boy-bi · 3 years

Text

a little vent

i know this is mostly a lgbtq positivity and education account but i really just need to vent tonight. jesus fucking christ its hard to be queer sometimes. i dont know if i have any coherent thoughts or any way to really sum this all up but its so hard and isolating sometimes. i just want to love. i just want to be me and i cant fucking do that without being reminded of how hard it is. i was listening to the kurtis conner podcast from a couple weeks back while i was at work and he has a little advice section and it was a young queer kid asking for advice on how to deal with a homophobic religious father who has been great except for how homophobic he is. ofc kurtis is a cishet man so he kinda was just like "damn that rlly sucks im sorry idk what to say" (im paraphrasing and this is not a callout post or anything im just giving background) and it fucking broke me. like i dont go half of what anon goes through but it really resonated with me. my younger sister came out recently and the way my mom has brought it up just breaks my heart. she's supportive and what not but its just like.... she doesn't see her the same way. she never will. and its the same for my extended family and im so fucking sick of it. and the worst part is i cant change anything. this isnt some fucking disney channel original movie where everyone realizes that gay people are normal and everything is okay; me coming out would forever change my family dynamic and there's nothing I can ever do about it. i was again reading some fanfic and boom outta nowhere it talked about how hard it is to be gay and it hurt my fucking soul again. like I cant even consume media that represents me without being reminded of how shitty the world is. i just wanna love. i just want to be like straight people and just love. but I cant. idk if this is defeatist or just a small set of experiences that will change when im older, but this is all I've ever known. and this is literally one of the better case scenarios; im not in danger, im out to a bunch of my friends, and there are so many queer people who have it so so so so much worse than i do. but im just tired.

ig i wanted to share this for a couple of reasons. i feel this blog sometimes romanticizes queerness in an irresponsible way. i repost happy and educational things because i don't want people scrolling through to be sad, and to not constantly feel weighed down and hollowed by the realness of the world. but its important for u all to know that i do not live a fairy tale queer experience, and for anyone who feels similarly, you are not alone. i guess i also posted this for advice or a cry of help for sorts. i need someone to tell me that it gets better. that this feeling goes away or gets easier to manage. i don't want to live my life with the ever-present thought of "being straight would be easier" in the back of my head. sometimes i feel so isolated and lonely with all of this stuff and it gets too much to bear.

anyways, that's my vent. pls lmk if i need to tag anymore trigger warnings, i tried to do the best i could. i doubt anyone is, but if anyone is worried pls do not be, i am safe and okay.

idk how to end this long ass post. im sorry for how depressing this post is. im just tired. im tired of hating myself, im tired of fearing for how my relationships have/will change, im tired of this stupid ass planet, im tired of not being able to love, and im tired of crying. i wish i could end this on a good note, and there are so many positives!! like we are living in the most progressive age and things have gotten so so so so so much better. but sometimes i wish i could just be straight, or live my life like a straight person does. i know im gonna look back at this and cringe or whatever, but irdc. sorry to vent to strangers on the internet, but if any older queer people could give me advice or their thoughts, i would rlly appreciate it. anyways, i love u all and i hope u guys have a good night <3

#tw interalized homophobia #tw homophobia #tw vent #vent post #queerness #lgbtq youth #bisexual #queer #lgbtq+#lgbtq #queer community

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queenieloveswriting · 4 years

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Little orange bottles

A/N unedited little thing from a while ago, found loads of bits in my notes on my phone read this and though id post it let me know your thoughts ////hella old ngl sounds like shit srry ladsssss xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxTW--Abuse//Blood//Bad thoughs ig sorry not good w warnings sorry if this triggers anhyone

*beep beep beep*

Your alarm rang through the room for what seemed to be the fifth time this morning.It was now 6:30am and school began in two hours unlike the majority of students in kildare county you enjoyed school and, your (only) friend pope definitely made it worthwile.You both loved school,people like his friends jj and John b didn’t like school.

Why are you awake at 6:30 again?....right!

You look over to yourself in your mirror and glance at your schedule sticky taped to the corner;

*DAISYS SCHEDULE*

6:30-wake up

6:45-shower

7:00-get ready

7:20-read

7:50-breakfast/pillz

8:00-head to Heywards

Obeying the list, you hopped into the shower and got yourself prepared for the day, brushing your teeth washing your face and applying a light amount of makeup. A tinted moisturiser, clear mascara and brow gel, In attempt to tame your wild hair you collected into a cute messy ponytail, breaking three hair bands in the possess. Putting your glasses on you choose your outfit, due to the heat you opted for something casual, a blue denim skirt with a black crop top and a oversized blue flannel top covering just to the bottom of you skirt

You went downstairs and packed some fruit into your bag. Opting to take your breakfast as today's lunch, knowing Mrs. Heyward would invite you in for ‘leftovers’ from their breakfast. Shouting goodbye to your mum who was no doubt still in bed exhausted from her night shift.

Running out the door grabbing your phone, headphones and favourite book ‘to kill a mockingbird’. I plugged in my headphones playing my ‘reading playlist’ and read as i walked up to heywards,occasionally looking up so I don’t walk into any unwanted attention. The third time checking your surroundings you realise you made it to popes in record time, because his mom came out ushering you and him in in for ‘leftovers’ .Pope rolled his eyes sending you a silent apology. You didn’t mind though she was more a mother to you than your actual blood.

“Hey nerd "pope greeted you pushing your glasses up your nose

“Hey geek” you replied, slapping his hands away, he pulled you into a quick hug and followed h8im and his mum into the kitchen.

“Whatcha reading this time?”he asked making you laugh slightly “Harper lee my friend” you replied holding up your book as he rolled his eyes “why am I not surprised ,you know the book doesn't change right every time you read it "he asked playfully “I know pope, but it’s a classic and i don’t have enough to get a new book until my shift next week so I’m not complaining “you sassed

“Yeah you're know that I’ve said you can borrow my books anytime “he asked

“Yeah but you won’t let me write notes in the margins pope! "you explained “because what about MY notes “he exclaimed and you both erupted into laughter.God,you're such geeks you mentally sighed.Mrs.Heyward scolded at us both for arguing and gave us some pancakes and fruit.

Mr.Heward barged through the doors shouting about some ‘arrogant snotty kook man’ and turned around shily when he heard you and pope laughing. "daisy hey sweetheart you need me to save you or you alright?” he asked, referring to his wife’s overwhelming mothering. You shook your head quietly declining his offer, smiling you replied “no sir it's fine, "you laughed "Heyward you need any help with deliveries?” you asked hopeful as you needed to buy some things for school. Being a pogue you tended to have to fend yourself, plus it gave you something to do. “Sure do doll, tomorrow morning,7 sharp you’n’my boy can help out and pope make sure you ask that Maybank if he's helping out too, need to know who goes so y'all come back alive”he joked”thank you sir”you shouted as he was halfway out the door.Turning back round to pope “maybank?” you asked, raising your eyebrow hinting you had absolutely no idea who he was talking about,”my friend jj you know the blonde who gets into all the fights i told you about”he answered and you nodded,still searching for an answer ”he's coming tomorrow?” you quizzed “yeah probably,plus i think it's about time you met my friends they all think i made you up”he laughed”c'mon we've gotta eat then go”

As if on queue Mrs Heyward shouted at you from across the hall telling you to eat before it got cold.After scoffing your breakfast down,it was time to leave.After regular smothering from your second mother you left.

“Sorry about them”he mumbled

“It’s fine it’s nice having the whole parents as parents thing you know”you said .Pope knew about your mom not being around or well really a mom.He said you could come round whenever assuring his parents you were just friends,they loved you.

He nodded”you know your welcome whenever”he said and you nodded again

“Yeah but anyways how you feeling today about mrs.spiky hairs test smartass”you joked “we gon ace it y'all ready know her tests are easy”he dragged

“True I’ve got all a’s every time”you smirked

“Yeah same but to be fair even my friend John b could pass them and he didn't know that there were two different there’s until junior year so....”

You laughed “wait I though that jj was the the dumb one”you asked “there both delinquents but gotta love em.I’m brains of the operation anyways it’s my thang ”he sang causing you to laugh at the way he pinched his shirt and pingged it brushing dirt of his shoulders “you should come to the party tonight and meet them if you want?”he asked and you shook your head “i dont know pope,party’s and me aren’t really a good thing you know how my anxiety gets in groups”you said and he nodded “i know it’s fine don’t worry about it but offers there when you want you could even come out just us on the pouge if you wanted “he offered “they really wanna meet me?”you asked “well they wanna meet MY competition “he challenged “not really a competition there bud” you teased patting his shoulder “but I’ll think about it yeah?”you offered “sounds good and here we are” you turned facing each other then back at the school making your way inside.

“Hey i told jj I’d meet with him just before first lesson give him his homework see you there”you gave him a confused look “they go here?”he laughed “yeah didn’t i tell you”you shook your head no “sorry see you in 10 nerd”he waved “in 10 geek”you repli,ex

Waiting for class to start,you set up outside your classroom and put your headphones back in continuing your book. The vibration of the bell and stampedes of teenagers scurry to their first lesson , you ended up waiting for pope who practically ran down the hall and laughed when your eyes met.

You went in taking your seats next to each other this happened up until break. then lunch you’d go to all your lessons together hang out at break,being antisocial in the library, but at lunch he’s always go off,with the pogues you assume,now knowing they go to your school.At lunch you go outside and walk to the bleachers and sit reading basking in the sun.

After your last lesson with pope you both headed home together dropping him off at heywards halfway.

“Mom I’m home”you shouted slamming the door dropping the keys on the sideboard .After no reply you expected her to be at work so you got started on your homework so you could”relax” on the weekend.

It was now 6:30,and pope texted you telling you the party started at seven and the offer was still up before you could reply,you heard your door slam shut and you ran downstairs hoping you could talk to your mum,and catch up.

You see her figure reach for a cupboard that hasn’t been opened in years left. this was bad.

“Hey mama how was work”you asked with a shaky breath

She glared swigging the bottle

“You know what sweetie “she spat “Mama don’t have to go to work an more you wanna know why because i got fired from work apparently they couldn’t handle me anymore,took to many people on,so sweetie work was fucking awful OK”she shouted

“Oh mum I'm sorry what are you going to do i mean i think the heyw--“

“Oh shut up you’re so pathetic you know,I mean you inside on a Friday night? should you be out like a normal teenager huh?god”she scoffed

“What mom I-“by now half the bottle was empath,being drank with such desperation

“I’ll get another job I’ve already got the heywards they can give me more time and an I-I’ll get a side job we’ll be fine w-we have dads money too”

“Sont talk about hijm!It’s your fault your father left you fucking incompetent piece of shit you make everyone want to leave,no wonder you have no friends. I mean look at you your pathetic you know these people in your books there not real DAISY god why can’t you just be normal you drove everyone away.this is your fault”

Tears were now threatening your eyes,but as you looked into the person infront of you,you didnt see sadness,you saw anger,you saw red.

“Mum Im sorry i-ill-“

Before you could say anything she downed the rest of the bottle and threw it at you.glass smashing everywhere cutting you up.your whole arm started to bleed as you cried out in pain your mum hit you,ran out and slammed the door shut.

she hit you.hit you.you ran upstairs not bothering to protect your arm wrapping it up in an old shirt.you needed your best friend,you didn't have many friends but he was yours you knew that nothing anyone said could change your friendship

So you called him running out of your house in todays clothes covered in blood like you’d been in a fucking horror movie

“Heyyy daisy you change your mind”he answered the phone

“Hey pope I-I need some help my mom a-are you still at a-at the p-party”you stuttered

“Woah woah breathe daisy where are you I’ll come get you okay”

“I’m near the boneyard you still there I-I’m sor-ry f-for calling i didn’t kn—“

He cut you off “no shut up it’s fine where are you,are you hurt what happened?”

“My arm s-she h-hit b-bottle “

“Fuck where are you daisy “

“Oh-oh my god there’s so many people here”you were sure you were having a panic attack by now,-you could barely breathe

“Wait daisy I-i see you I’m coming okay wait there”

“O-okay”

Hanging up the phone you were now just balling your eyes out in pain and hurt. You curled up into a ball only looking up when you could hear pope shouting in the distance.

“Shit daisy”he shouted

“I’m sorry I didn’t know where to go,my mum she she my arm I- I”

Pope wasn’t unfamiliar to your panic attacks,usually being the one to calm you from them,/

“Daisy breath okay”he stroked your hair making you look into his eyes

“What happened “he asked and you showed him your arm “shit daisy that’s close to a main artery your losing loads of blood C'mon let’s get you cleaned up back at the chateau “you just nodded following him his hand holding yours hiding you from the people as you walked past. Arriving at a group of people probably his friends,the pogues,. As your vision begins to go hazy you think that maybe your mum was right you are pathetic .He was out on a Friday night ,I looked like the whole damn school was here.he has his life maybe he didn’t want to be your friend maybe he didn’t want to just hurt you .realizing you were fading out he shook you “shit daisy no no no “he cursed“John b keys I need the keys”you heard him say and they were saying something about him getting some “dude shut up this is daisy she’s hurt “you heard him say and all of them looked at you,but you couldn’t bring your eyes too meet them.Soon enough pope was dragging you away and towards a shack,the chateau.

He dragged you inside and you were sitting on the Island In the kitchen/living room,this was a home.

where was your home now?.

“Here lemme see ''he pulled your arm and started to work. It didn’t surprise you he was so good at this he was always good at first aid but this?

Lucky it wasn't on a actual artery but the blood made it look worse,acknowledging the fact you'd been so quiet,he spoke up “hey D look at me “he said pointing your chin up,looking at you straight in your eyes”what happened,when your ready”he asked.As your breathing steadied,you began to speak “my mom,she got back from work sh-she just lost her job a-and”you stuttered,pausing to collect your breathe

“hey it’s okay take your time okay”he calmed you”she hasn’t drank since..”you stopped and he looked in your eyes.Pope knew all about your dad,leaving you when you were about to go into junior year,you never knew why but one day he was their next he wasn’t,pope helped you through it,when you began to get closer.

“Your dad?”he answers for you

You nodded

“She said that it-it was my fault that he left and that she lost her job an”you gulped,recomposing yourself“How I push everyone away and that’s why I have no friends I mean let’s face it”laughiing a breathy laugh “she’s right”popes head snapped up “Daisy!you have me,D its okay I’m you best friend and you know she’s wrong okay now this is going to hurt”he assured you,before you could ask questions your arm burned up from the straight alcohol he’d put on your arm “FUCK POPE SHIT WARNING PLEASE FUCK”you shouted and he laughed,frowning when he came too “Sorry,shit this is bad daisy,like really bad,I dont know what to do,I can just wrap it up But ii think you should go to the hospital“he said and before you could fight,a deep voice filled the room.

“What the fuck is going on pope”curse from the back of the room.After observing the heaps of bloody tissues and your T-shirt laying next to you“What the fuck happened to her man,who is this?”he asked pope who looked up at you,asking the silent of’should i tell him’ you shook your head with pleading eyes

Pity took over popes vision as he answered JJ’s question“Jj this is daisy,daisy jj”he introduced you and you sighed,finally meeting the blue eyed boy with watery vision“hey,sorry we,urm, woke,you”you stuttered “oh i wasn’t sleeping princess”he winked causing you to furror your eyebrows at the boy you heard stories about ,following up to the elephant int he room.”what happened”he asked,re-observing your surroundings,eyes finally meeting your bloody arm “holy shit you gotta fucking c-cat or something”he demanded .Before you could awnser,a half naked girl stumbled out of his room,pouting

“oh you really weren’t joking when you said you weren’t asleep”you giggle then pope accidentally pressed to hard into your arm making you scream “fuck pope Jesus fucking shit”you cursed

“Fuck I’m sorry but its clean and the plasters won’t do much but I’ll wrap it up anyways i still think you might have to go to hospital”you shook your head “no no no no I can’t pope you know that”he sighed “look nerd you know where she cut look how close that is daisy okay” pointing to your bandaged arm jjs eyebrows furrowed in confusion

You tore away from his gaze to the the floors

“Hey jj,what's taking so long sweets”his guest said,in a thick country accent causing him too sigh turning around going back into his room.You don’t know what he said but five minuets later she was storming out the rusted doors,huffing and puffing, and left and he walked back to you two

“Sorry”you looked at him and his eyes softened.You were gorgeous and so innocent who would do this to you?.he asked himself”don’t be she was to Whiny anyways you saved me”you smiled ,slightly rolling your eyes at the player you'd been warned from.

“Daisy”pope snapped you back to reality “hospital?”

“Pope I can’t I-I’ll just go home and-“you babbled

”no no way you're not going back there daisy okay not if your moms like she is right now”he said under his breath in attempt to be secretive

“Your mom?”jj thought out loud and you just looked at him,mentally cursing yourself

Ignoring the blondes “you know i can’t do that pope”you mumbled looking down.

“Why”he snapped

“Because I live there pope”you paused,forgetting the blonde”you know and it’s not like this is new, you know it’ll blow over”you urged,trying to convince yourself

“And what if i doesn't daisy”he quizzed” what are you going to do then”he asked causing you to freeze and stand in silence.

You walked up and hugged him,stifling a sob.Skilfully dodging your arm,you let go of him and held his stare.

“Pope,your my best friend, okay?Well my only friend. You know that, but you gotta understand why I’ve gotta go home,Besides, she’s probably not even in,she left straight after, she’s probably out okay”you insisted”I’ve got that job with you and your dad tomorrow I’ll see you okay”you insisted

After some silence he looked at you,”I’ll drive you home okay and if she’s there your coming back to mine”he hissed”You can crash in the couch like you did last time okay “he urged”let me just go talk to jj okay”he said leaving you in the kitchen ,now only realizing the blonde had left the room.After overhearing some not-so hushed whispers,pope came out followed by a blonde who carried an angered but also slightly pained expression that left you wondering what pope said in there.Did he tell him about your mum?

After snatching the keys from the side,where you left them,he led you guys into the van.You and pope got into the back and he and just hugged you there it was nice he calms you and you calm him .“Hey pope”you break the silence“Yeah”he returned“Sorry”you apologised“Stop”he spat.

You looked up to him,eyebrows arching up in confusion“What?”you pleaded,provoking him to roll his eyes and your tendency to apologise after any slight inconvenience“Doing it”he grumbled“Doing what”you urged,oblivious to what was annoying him“You always apologise,after everything”he answered letting out a slightly breathy laugh“Sorry”you laugh realising you already subconsciously apologised.“See what I mean”he tutted“Right but thank you”you pushed“Always nerd”he promised“Geek”you sassed,falling into a comfortable silence,enjoying who you considered your family now

“Hey daisy” he broke the silence

“Hm”you humed

“Did you take them today”he asked,you sighed

“I thought I’d be okay pope,i was i promise”you pleaded

“Daisy”he sighed

“I hate them pope,they make me feel so deflated,they make me feel like a monster”you mumbled into his shoulder

“You have to take them daisy you know that”he scolded

“I’m know i Just”you paused

“I know”he cut in

“I don’t want to be a monster anymore pope”

“Your not a monster daisy,i promise,you're amazing bub”he praised

Finally pulling up to your house,met with a cleaver driveway you turned back to pope who was checking for the same thing you were “see”you deflated”i'll be fine see you in the morning,7 sharp kids” you teases in his dad's warning tone

“Daisy i still think you should come back to mine i don't think you’ll b--”

You pleaded his anxious babbling with a kiss on the cheek”see you in the morning”you demanded and he sighed

You popped your head through to the front

“Thank you for the ride jj sorry about interrupting your night” you apologised and he smiled at you”no worries princess,we oughta be seeing you in daylight too though”he asked “maybe blondie”you winked giving pope one last hug before you made your way through the door,treading carefully,just to be safe.

#jj #jj outer banks #jj imagine #jj x reader #jj maybank #outerbanks #obx #obxfic #pope heyward #jj x y/n #jj x oc #pope x yn #pope x reader #pope x oc lovetriangle?#newfic #anypotential whatsoever?#I HAVE A PT2 BC IT WAS SO FFFFFING LONG #LMK IF U WANT IT

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