Tumgik
#but i dont know *what the difference actually is* beyond me like. rejecting the supremacy of romance(TM) as a political choice yknow
necropsittacus · 4 years
Text
x
#inconvenient how like.hm. what are feelings. why do i have to categorize these.#like. i still feel that i do Not experience the construct of romance or romantic feelings. and i do not want to#and if i try to think about the idea of 'dating' or like me having a boyfriend/partner/etc its very weird and awkward and kinda bad#so that repulsion is still there! for which i am glad because its been an important part of my identity#but also the feelings i DO have about persons who shall not be named publicly until i know if that would be acceptable are like#hm. such that i know i do have a differentiated category of emotions#and that and the wants that come with it are. i feel on a gut level that its Different From Romance.#but i dont know *what the difference actually is* beyond me like. rejecting the supremacy of romance(TM) as a political choice yknow#like. i would call this Being In Love. but not romo. just#am i allowed to just want to pledge my love and loyalty and tell people its not romantic feelings if they ask and let the feelings be#what they are#and then like half my models for interpersonal interaction are in this weird Medieval Narrative space that feels defined differently#from the modern conceptiosn#like hm. were i actually living in a 'knight pledged to lord' kind of narrative. *those* are structures i like and that make sense to me#and in that case would what i feel be distinguishable from romance at all? or is it just the actual structures that dont work for me?#what a mess idk#ignore me im just trying to write some stuff out#i know there IS a difference that isnt just 'i dont choose to conceptualize my relationships as romantic' but i also know that#from an outsiders perspective. the last time i felt this way it looked the same as romance#even though in retrospect it wasnt really#and ik back in the 'you have One Special Friend at a time. you would die for them. all your love is for this person' days#i always thought of that friend as just that--'best friend'--and everyone else said crush#and in retrospect neither were quite right? so who knows
5 notes · View notes