#but i decided to tell my gf about it

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.

#so ive been in a bad mental state lately #because of many things. but the biggest being (yes i know ive complained about this in multiple other posts) #that my best friend and my ex gf were fucking. without even asking or telling me. i got no heads up. just figured it out on my own #which sucked and now im not speaking to either of them #and when i first found out i was in a bad place physically too #i had a terrible ear infection that was so fucking painful #and i realized i could concentrate on both things. so i focused on healing #and then i remembered ny family is coming to visit for Christmas #and thats a lot to deal with. so now im focusing on cleaning the apartment. specifically my bedroom #so im manically cleaning at 3:30am while angry and stressed and trying not to focus on this thing that makes me really upset #and in the middle of cleaning ill suddenly think 'should i quit my summer camp job?' or 'should i move states again?' #its not good. but i havent acted on anything #AND in the middle of cleaning i found all of my meds #i havent been taking them for months. but i decided im gonna start taking them again #i have a few refills left but then ill have to find a psychiatrist. i dont want to. but its definitely for the best #im trying to get my life back on track and build and better it #but then something hits me and completely derails everything and makes everything so hard #so anyway im gonna go do some more cleaning and try not to make life-altering decisions. and maybe build a desk #btw i have to get up at 9am to take out my puppy. and at 11:35 i have to get ready for work. again its 3:30am #and im full of manic energy #tomorrow is going to be very bad but at least I'll have a semi-clean room

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[theygender]

The management at my old apartment stole my fucking bike

#apparently theyve been mass 'confiscating' bikes off peoples porches without telling anyone that theyre taking them #i dont know how long mine has been gone bc i didnt notice it was missing until i went to load it into my car to move it #but if its been more than (i think) 30 days then it would be considered forfeit and they would have already sold/claimed/trashed it by now #my gf and i saw a whole pile of 20+ confiscated bikes near the maintenance building but it doesnt look like mine was in it #i called them today to ask about it and they told me that for them to look for it i would need to provide a photo to prove its mine?? #its MY bike! you stole it off my porch. how tf was i supposed to know that i needed to take a picture of it beforehand #they told us we can go check out the pile so me and my gf are gonna go look more thoroughly now that we're officially allowed #but if its IN the maintenance building we wont be able to find it #and if they already sold it or took it home with them or threw it away then it also wont be there #and i cant even ask them to confirm when they took it / if its already gone #bc it looks like theyve been doing this with dozens of bikes over the past few months so how would they even remember one specific one #what the fuck #rambling #also to be clear: they arent being confiscated BECAUSE theyre on the porches #the bikes are supposed to be under the stairwell and thats where mine was #my neighbors who leave their kids bikes piled on their side in the yard got to keep theirs #theyve been doing unscheduled porch painting without any sort of warning or notice on and off since like december tho #so my only guess is that they decided since they werent giving us any notice to move our stuff off the porch ahead of time #they decided to just move straight into confiscating everything off of the porches and hoping no one would call them out on it #which is fucking bullshit

[artekai]

Aloy and Zo comforting Artekai after what happens to his boyfriend, for Day 1 of @polyshipweek, based on this art meme ^^

#they are a queerplatonic polycule btw c: #you can't even see aloy's face but hopefully you can tell it's her by her hair 😭 #deni's stuff #deni's art #PolyshipWeek23 #polyshipweek #oc: artekai #oc tag #aloy despite the nora #zo #oc art #hfw #horizon oc #horizon au #i wasn't planning to participate this year but i was thinking about cx/gf so i was checking my cx/gf fics again #and that led me to remember that i participated in polyship week last year and i felt kinda Fond so i decided i wanted to do it again #either way this is a last minute thing lol. who knows if i'll manage to make any more entries

[unopenablebox]

so nice to have girlfriend. recently: shopped and made me dinner yesterday when i was prostrated from 48-hour work event followed by unexpectedly 3-hour bus trip; listened to me attentively while i described every experience from my work event in exhaustive detail; reassured me about an ambiguous and confusing situation in the union that i wasn't sure i was right to involve myself in but did, by expressing the same conclusion i came to before i had said it myself; collaboratively cooked a nice dinner with me tonight; was so so cuddly and sweet to me tonight and came to sit next to me while we were reading even though they had a tummy ache (bravest ever)

#i love when my highly ethical and exacting gf tells me im right about situations #box opener #dont worry we later decided to lie down and read to maximize tummy ache comfort. #not an ongoing emergency situation.

[iholli]

Every other month or so the Justice League has a week long Mario Kart tournament. Everyone plays, even Batman. It was J'onn's idea.

#he's a gamer who loves driving. this is comic canon. no i don't take criticism. #yes they have to keep a lot of extra controllers bc they get broken often #team bonding! until somebody breaks out the blue shell #it's elimination bracket style. there's a betting pool. i think Ollie would run it bc he thinks it's funny #listen okay i think about my two favorite things being put together all the time #i still haven't decided mains for all the og seven yet but it's fun to think about #drop me your hcs for who Leaguers main in Mario Kart i wanna see who shares my braincell 👉👈 #ratkingrambles #justice league #mario kart #'why would the empathetic telepath suggest the game that makes everyone want to kill each other' #aside from self indulgence? look me in the eye and tell me J'onn doesn't get a kick out of stirring up some drama sometimes #he doesn't care for human bullshit but he is absolutely getting out the popcorn when teammates go a few rounds #mr 'yeah i sent your ex and your gf on a mission together and no i don't care that you're salty John this is entertainment' #iconic of him

[ablednt]

Being a systeen in an adult system while also being the host is such an experience because like yeah there's the obvious "I have to act the body's age most of the time bc singlets don't know how to interact with systeens" thing but like you'll end up playing therapist for your headmates toxic girlfriends who tell you to call them mom like ok points for accuracy but ma'am I am 15 and I do not want to bear the brunt of your relationship problems. You know this all of our dynamics hinged around the fact a systeen was frontstuck why are you talking shit about me and putting all this pressure on me I am internally a child come on

#vent #i guess? #also if any of said exes see this fuck off idc abt u anymore im allowed to talk abt stuff like this #but like it was actually insane how much they stressed my being a systeen and acted supportive #only to freak the fuck out when they decided their gf sucked and instead of breaking up with her and gauging our reaction #they gave the whole system 'the silent treatment' for months and the shit talked me to friends bc I was 'too nice to be genuine' #and 'guilt tripping them' by repeatedly reassuring them that their boundaries are important and getting anxious around them #like just POV you tell a teenager to call you mom and talk about being family but then you have beef with one singular adult headmate #and you're like mmmmm i will focus all of this on the teenager I think #like god I thought I had a space I could be myself and not worry in but no turns out im too vulnerable lmao #so it's like well now I'm definitely not opening up to people abt the reality of being emotionally and mentally stuck at 15

[magical-girl-04]

Am I aroace or have I just been awake too long?

#rav speaks #its 2am and im listening to a mix of twice aqourus and J-metal girl bands while questioning everything in my life #anyway do people actually feel the way they describe in romance songs?? #like idk ive had like 3 crushes in my life but like i dont think i could actually see myself in a relationship? #so either im aro or like I just have trouble imagining a relationship becuase ive been single my whole life #its like how sex is pretty interesting to me and id be down for it in theory but i cant see myself actually doing it #interesting in a im curious if its really all that people make it out to be #cuz it seems prettyyyy boring to me lol #specially since lesbo sex apparently takes agessss and i know for a fact i would not let a dick get anywhere close to me #anyway off topic #im trying to figure out if the way i feel about romantic relationships is the same way i feel about sex #like in theory id love to have a gf and like do datey things but like it seems like so much effort to get to that stage #got a dating app and im barely on it because ive realised i dont really want to actually talk to anyone #and like i was meant to meet up with someone today who when i first started talking to on said app i was like kicking my feet and blushing #but i noticed that im starting all the convos and decided i was just like fed up of that whats the point of trying to get to know someone #if they arent interested yknow. like they were meant to get a bus to my city and i was hoping they would just like tell me a bus time #and we'd go from there but nothing. so im just like. over it #and i feel like thsts probably not really how crushes really work? #its like i had a bit of a crush on a girl in my classes but once exam season hot and i stopped seeing her so regaually i just kinda forgot #i think she might be in 1 or w of my classes this term so maybe talking to her again will relight that but im prettyyyy sure shes staight #so prpbs better to loose the feels anyway #this is just a rambling mess now i really need to sleep #Maybe I'll figure myself out eventually but for now im gonna stick with grey aro cuz i think thst makes the most sense? #unless there are other micro aro lables i dont knoe of (very likely) #at least i know I'll always be an asexual lesbian even if i dont know if ill ever actually date girls #honestly life would be so much easier if i jsut loved my bestfriend it wojld be so cool if we could be in romantic feeling together but #alas we tried dating for lkke a week and i avoided her the whole time cuz i felt a deep deep sence of wrongness lol #its like again in theory i could see us as a great gf duo like if i was watching our lives as a show id be shipping us #but in practice its njst wrong #if anyone actually reads all of this you get a reward of uhh 🦎 goodnight!!

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

ATTENTION: BRAINDEAD POST INCOMING

i'm gonna marry him i swear to god. I promise. no kidding

#his 80s cary elwes-esque slay w the moustache WHYYYYYYYYYY i am in agony. #i think there was just something about 2021. prophetic dreams were abound and we all fell in love w someone who greatly impacted us forever #i still believe there's smth special about him and i can't let him go 😐 the nature of the dream and everything and the fact that i knew IT #i sowwy for being insane but i do believe he's my special little guy. him havin a gf literally changes nothing. whoops! 🤷‍♀️ #god i have a problem i think i need to be on anti-psychotics but idc. i'm just remembering how i was sayin i was happy abt him reading my #comment and saying good night to me and i called him 'my beloved streamer' and people were callin me parasocial for that and yet #a bitch who's been his fan for over half a decade who ends up dating him ISN'T parasocial? the hypocrisy of everyone being kind to her #while getting angry at other for being attracted to him and genuinely caring for him just like i'n sure she did. i hate alllllllll of you #i never felt like life made sense more than when i was obsessed w him... sigh #ironically i think want someone to tell me that i'm being crazy just so i can tell them to fuck off. it's not like i don't know or that i #enjoy being like this but i feel like a have no other choice? it's odd but it feels like my purpose. this is my rock to roll up the hill #my track record for this sorta thing isn't good but i'm trying to be better. just once i wanna be loved by someone i love heh... 😔 #he feels like the final one fr. the last in a line of total failures #god it's a miracle anyone puts up w me ngl LOL there's smth deeply wrong w me i don't think is fixable #not to quote astrology like it's gospel but the stars decided i was supposed to fall for someone in the public eye so. it only makes sense #that this keeps happening to me i guess. i'm just fuckin retarded no need to be concerned #anyways SCHIZOPOSTING OVER! back to whatever the fuck else i can use as a diversion so no one reads this (even tho no one gaf)

[mare-the-silly-scroingle]

i am giggling like crazy i make the worst decisions fucking EVERRR. but like srsly who cares this is a new era for me... or maybe i’m just hungry and one (1) thing happened and now i’m like holy shit the world is crazy. but like. the way that this situation is so unfathomably funny to me but i literally cannot talk about it because people would say things like “that’s so toxic mare” or “this is clearly abnormal thinking” or “why aren’t you on meds yet” like the fucking BUZZKILLS you all are... very very sad. like Lord! calm it down. 

#people take me soooooo seriously and that's really funny to me #ALSO WHAT THEY DECIDE TO CARE ABOUT IS FUCKING HYSTERICAL BTW. #me telling my irl that i think my girlfriend is poisoning me and she Doesn't give a fuck #but then i tell her that my gf isn't answering my texts AND SHE STILL HAS A GRUDGE.

[shatteredsnail]

6 hour shift + 1 hour of dogsitting + 6 hours of babysitting = one very tired snail

#i’m exhausted. i just got home and it’s 1230 #i made like 150 in tips at work and 340 babysitting so at least i’m rich even if i lost my soul #todays been such an awful day #vent incoming #my boss just. decided not to show up?? on a busy saturday? without telling anyone? #and he’s the one who had the details for this birthday party of 14 year old girls #so nothing was set up and no one knew what was happening #and everyone at the party was so rude and passive aggressive and were absolute menaces when i ran tie dye #and then there was this group of old ladies who were so mean to everyone #they yelled at me about umbrellas #and yknow i shouldn’t have even been at the hut for people to ask me about umbrellas #but the pool guy decided making a bracelet for his gf in the storage closet was a priority. not his. actual job. #so i was stuck doing pool stuff all day #speaking of people not doing their jobs!!!! the beach guys. #they made me look like an idiot in front of the member who’s kid was having the party #they were supposed to have chairs set up on the beach which is literally their only job to do #and it’s been on their schedule to set them up for weeks. and my supervisor and i both checked on them and they s a i d they’d be ready #and yknow what. they weren’t ready. they didn’t have the chairs. and they decided to make a scene about it in front of the member. #and i can’t even go to my boss like hey people weren’t doing their jobs because he’s best friends with most of them #and regularly goes out for drinks and golf with them #plus anytime i tell him anything serious he acts like i’m being dramatic so. #also one of the kids i was babysitting threw a tantrum and almost broke the chandelier. so that was fun #also lowkey think the parents offered for me to move in with them? idk. they were definitely hammered #they were completely serious about getting me drunk on their boat though. and it doesn’t sound like a bad idea rn #anyway i have to be up very soon to do school and get ready for work because the universe is pain #hope you’ve enjoyed this

[deus-ex-mona]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39032505

wrote some pure garbage to cope with my unceasing saltiness over an incident from a few weeks ago (ʘ‿ʘ)

#added to my personal cringefic compilation #shibakentucky fried chicken #almost named this ‘knock for 🐔’ but decided against it— #the true incident that happened a few weeks ago with my ✨beloathed✨ brother: #i just wanted to eat some mcdonalds hotcakes so i ordered some (didn’t order for my bro though bc screw him). three cheers for mcdelivery! #but when the delivery dude came、my brother physically shoved me away from the door and opened it、only to be met with my mcd ಥ‿ಥ #and later on in the day he did get his own delivery… of a bouquet of flowers. (ʘ‿ʘ) #like wth bro were your flowers really worth pushing me away from the door from my mcd? >:( #our mother found it absolutely hilarious when i told her about it though… _(:3 」∠)_ i truly have no allies in this household #and so yeah. i suffered so ken must suffer. turned it aiyuu though bc i’m 90% sure my bro bought the flowers for his gf #but on another note… why didn’t anyone tell me that mona’s seiyuu has a self-duet of roki up on youtube? i wish i’d found it sooner!!! #and i’ll probably get chapter 1 of valentines disaster yujiro up later… if i can come up with a funny tl tag for it… maybe? #but who knows? i haven’t done much aside from sleeping these days… _(:3 」∠)_

[skrunksthatwunk]

playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there

#how do i tell her she needs to break up with him immediately. posthaste.fuck it funny post over rant incoming tw emotional abuse i think #nyarla dni #(<- roomie and nyarla have met and i don't wanna air roomie's drama to ppl who know her w/o her consent. anon internet ppl only) #listen i'm normally for gentle advising and that's probably what i'll do since i don't want to stress her out but oh my fucking god what is #his problem. he's constantly putting her in these weird no-win situations where the only right answer is to never be upset or disagree or b #wrong on accident or be misunderstood by him and to tell him everything she's feeling so she's not 'playing mind games' but if she says wha #she's feeling he'll interrogate her and badger her with the same questions over and over again insisting she's unreasonable until she gives #in and says she's sorry with an attitude he likes. i fucking don't like him. and a lot of this is observations from today. the day after sh #GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT AND BROKE HER NECK. WHAT THE FUCK. #it's like he expects to be treated like a king on one of the worst days of her life and when she's upset he's like OH. OH I GET IT. #and lectures her on having attitude and taking things out on others when she's literally not even doing that. not to an extent that matters #anyway. like. there's more productive ways of dealing with that. where you don't treat them like a bad kid for getting overwhelmed #he has made her cry multiple times today. i have been around multiple arguments and fights and he's just genuinely. awful i hate him #hell the first argument i overheard *i* was in tears by the end (luckily they left soon after bc i had to run to the basement laundry #dungeon to bawl my eyes out because 1. i can't handle confrontation 2. i've never seen roomie cry and 3. she just seemed so hurt and tired) #anyway he just left again after a fight because. god this is so dumb. she told him to move while they were sleeping in the same twin bed #(remember she's in a neck brace) and he fucking. left the room for an HOUR bc he thought the only thing that could POSSIBLY mean (as he #insisted) was for him to get out of here and then when she was like oh hey i'm sorry i didn't mean it like that he decided to spend the nex #half hour of his short time on this earth chewing her out for not giving him a lengthy explanation while half-asleep as to like. why he #needed to move (she wanted to grab smth) and apparently he sat in the chair by her bed for like 10 mins before leaving so he probably saw #her fall back asleep. and then he got pissy when after he left she didn't pick up her phone when he was calling her? even though he knew sh #was asleep?? she didn't even know he was gone. fucking. i need to get him away from my roomie YESTERDAY #look. miscommunication happens. i'm not saying he's an asshole for wanting things said clearly. i am pro-saying what you mean. #but if every time your gf tells you what she means you make it into a 30 minute lecture (no matter how small the slight and w/o examining i #you're actually right or not) she's not gonna wanna fucking tell you if she doesn't think it's worth the argument. especially if you never #let her rest until she concedes. apology isn't enough. clarification isn't enough. she has to say how wrong she was and beg and GOD. UGHHH #and he's always on about how she hurts his feelings. a gust of wind could hurt his feelings. he's constantly berating her manipulating her #and then he's like >:( see that hurt my feelings you can't hurt ppl's feelings. you're disrespectful. HE"S THE WORST I FUCKING HATE HIM #look sometimes adversity reveals the truth of a person and this just amplified his shittiness so much. mr OH i slept in a HOSPITAL and it #was so bad... you can't be in a bad mood bc i've been doing the bare minimum and you need to prioritize MY feelings rn. also i won't leave

[edenvyz]

ok pero cuando taylor escribio "i made you my temple, my mural, my sky. now im begging for footnotes in the story of your life" lo hizo por mi

#about me actually #im so tired lmao #the way EVERYONE kept telling me and i always just #ignored their words #and now im just wondering if theyre right #like it was stablished before right? he doesnt love me the way i want to #why is it hard for me to grasp the concept that maybe they just dont care #👍 #and my brother is fucking right #they want go keep being treated and acting like theyre 13 years old? fucking fine #but i dont deserve to be dragged into it! #anyway #just blowing some steam #ill talk to my gf next week #let him decide and make his choice #idk #tbdeleted

[faultsofyouth]

I haven't eaten a pizza lunchable since I was 16 and I threw up an entire undigested one (3 distinct pizza crusts) while I was on acid

#my posts #that acid trip sucked #for one thing the only person i was tripping with was my 23 year old coworker who i didnt know very well #my actual friend was supposed to trip sit me but all he did was blare super overstimulating lights and music that i didnt like #and then when his gf (also my bestie) showed up she was in a bad mood so he spent the rest of the trip talking to her and ignoring us #and then because she was in a bad mood she and him decided that they should fuck with me and tell me how mad they were at me #because months before that they came into my house uninvited to look for acid that they didnt tell me they were sending to my house #and because they came over uninvited the only person home was my MOM who doesnt like acid and was not okay with having it in her house #so then my mom found out that they were shipping drugs to my house and wanted to call the cops on them #so 5 hours later i got home from work to discover all this and so then i had to tell them they cant send drugs to my house or my mom will #call the police on them. and unbeknownst to me they were both already on acid so then they started freaking out about getting arrestes #arrested**. and somehow it was all MY fault that they had a bad trip. because i told them that they werent allowed to ship drugs to my house #and that my mom was pissed at them for lying to her and to me. so then they decided to take revenge the next time i was tripping and they #werent??? u know. ive never thought about that too hard before now. but that was kind of shitty friend behavior all around #like first they do something super illegal but be sure to use My address so they dont get in trouble for it if the drugs got caught #and then they got mad at Me for setting a boundary and then decided to Punish me for setting that boundary at a time when they were too high #to be handle it. all at a time when they knew i wasnt staying at my parents house because my stepdad had threatened me #(while my bestie was there to Witness) so i was highly dependent on them for a sense of security #and they knew that and they thought it would be funny to fuck with me anyway??? #okay but then after that i stole her boyfriend so i guess all is fair in love and war

[frangusmadgator]

twins in paradise was certainly a thing i watched!

#my gf told me to watch it and Uh Oh! it hits hard for me #ok so you know when you're like really good for a few grades #so your family sees you as Albert fucking Einstein #and expects you to be Albert fucking Einstein at all times #even though albert einstein wasn't even constantly coming up with bangers like e = m*2 #and eventually you get burnt out because everyone just sees you as a smart kid who always gets the best grades #and if you don't get good grades well fuck you you're a dumb piece of shit #idk something about marcy and darcy feels like they're one of those #i think people those kinds of kids Gifted Kids #wouldn't know tho everyone just likes to tell me i'm really fucking smart until they decide that i'm actually braindead #hrgh