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uhhhitsgray · 2 years

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Desire Chapter Ⅰ

Hellooo! Just stopping by to make a quick note about the story before the first chapter. Internal dialog with readers self will always be in italics to make it more clear, I talk to myself a lot in real life so the reader will do the same, lol. I have it stuck in my head that AU Eren would have tattoos and may or may not paint his nails, so there will probably be mention to that. There will also be self harm and abuse references, just references, in this story and I'll make sure to put a warning in the chapter title, then the type of trigger warning in the first line of the work. Thanks for reading!

~ Eventual smut, bit of a slow burner. Modern setting time skip, reader and Eren are mid 20s ~

~ Pairing Eren Yeager x Fem!reader

"You always this much of an asshole?!" You shout at Eren as tears stream down your face, your heart breaking into a million pieces.

"I guess so." His green eyes break away from you as he turns around and starts walking away.

"Eren! … Eren!" You scream, your vocal cords burning, your vision blurred as tears keep forming.

'Fuck, what is even happening right now?' You think to yourself.

"Eren.." You whisper to yourself as you see the man you love walking away from you.

↳ Table of Contents ↳ Chapter Ⅱ: Emotional Rollercoaster

Chapter Ⅰ: We're Just Friends

Your head bops to the beat of the music that is far too loud in your headset as you wait for your best friend Armin to join your discord voice channel. You’re mouthing the words to Desire by Meg Myers for two reason - one; the song is good, and is a secret wish to fuck someone to this song, and two; you can’t sing very well.

You’re holding your pen to your mouth using it as a mic.

Baby, I wanna touch you

I wanna breathe into your well

See, I gotta hunt you

Though if you weren’t waiting for Armin to join you, you’d have no care in the world but you didn’t want Armin to go deaf because of you.

You hear the ding as Armin joins your discord, and you pause your music.

“Heelloooo?” You say as this is the normal way you greet your friends through discord, your hands fidgeting with a pen you were just using as a mic waiting for your friend to respond.

“Heeloooo?” Armin says back.

“Arminnnn! How are you, my guy?” You smile to yourself. It’s been awhile since you’ve spoken to your best friend. You and Armin were childhood friends, and though he moved a few states away for a job opportunity you two stayed close. You didn’t want the friendship to dissipate just because he moved away, once he was settled into his new place you two set up a good schedule to have weekly calls in discord together. Usually on Friday nights as it was easier for both of you, but for the past few weeks your guys’ schedules weren’t lining up causing your usual Friday’s to be canceled. Normal, annoying adult things getting in the way.

“I’ve been good! Just busy with work, and all that. How have you been?”

"Same honestly. Just work, work and more work." You smile to yourself, still fidgeting with the pen continuing, "How's the job been, big shot?"

After college Armin got offered a job as a marine biologist and got to work on the water a lot, which he always had a love for. You were happy for your friend.

He laughs into the mic, "Man, it's been so good. Like I knew I'd like the job, but it blew my expectations out of the water honestly. No pun intended there." He lets out a small laugh again, continuing, "How about you? How's your job been going? Any new projects?"

You and Armin both attended the same college together, but ended up taking didn't classes, you majoring in web design. Your job allowed for you to live anywhere and work from home, while Armin had to move. You almost wondered why you didn't go with your friend, but you still had commitments in your home town.

"Yeah, we just took on a project for a big company we work with. We're pretty much doing a complete makeover of their website so it's gonna be a lot. We just started this week, but so far so good. Crossing my fingers it stays that way." You cross your fingers in front of your face.

Of course I’d fucking do that.

Good god girl.

You two continued on for a few hours just catching up with life, talking about nothing specific as the conversation flowed between you two.

Fuck, I have missed this so much. I've missed him so much.

"How are you and Annie doing?" Armin and Annie had been together since your guys' first year of college and were going strong.

"It's been good, the distance has been a little hard but she'll be moving here with me soon so I think it'll be a lot better when she gets here."

"Yeah, long distance can be tough I'm sure." You frown to yourself feeling bad for your friend, continuing, "But I'm glad you guys have stuck it out. It’ll be worth it once she moves out there with you."

"Yeah I agree honestly. You and her should make a trip out here sometime, I think it'd be fun." You can hear the smile in his tone.

You let out a huff, "So I can be the third wheel? Come on Armin." You laugh. "I do want to come out and visit though, you know I'd come out either way." You reassure your friend.

"Just means you need to get yourself a man then." He laughs, you can hear him typing something on his keyboard in the background.

You sigh, "Yeah but the men here aren't that great honestly. You've seen them."

Armin lets out a low laugh, "I have indeed, but I have someone I want to introduce you too. Doesn't need to be anything more, more of a I'd like to introduce him to our small friend group. He just started at my job, and we get along really well. I think you'd like him."

You smile, "Yeah I'd be down to meet him whenever."

You hear more typing in the background, "He said he's busy tonight, unfortunately, so maybe tomorrow if everyone is free."

You pause before answering, wondering if you had anything to do tomorrow.

Do laundry, dishes.

Clean the apartment up cause this place is looking a mess.

Uhh.. anything else?

I don't think so?

"I've got a few things to do tomorrow just around the place but I'll be down for whenever."

"Awesome, I'll reach out to him and then let you know. It is getting late though, so I'll probably let you know tomorrow, sound good?"

You look at the bottom right of your monitor, 11:30PM, yeah it was getting late and you're pretty tired after an exhausting week.

"Sounds good, just one quick question though." You pause waiting for Armin to say something but he takes too long to answer so you continue, "Does this coworker have a name? Orrrrrrr?" You laugh.

Armin lets out a small laugh, "Yeah, sorry. His name is Aaron with an E."

You raise an eyebrow to yourself.

Aaron with an E? What..

Almost like Armin read your mind, "It's not spelled like normal Aaron, it's spelled e r e n."

Makes sense.

You nod your head to yourself understanding what he's saying, "Gotcha. Eren. I like that spelling. Thank you for clearing that up cause I would have completely spelled his name wrong and Aaron with an E just confused me." You let out a laugh.

Armin laughs back, "I figured so. But, imma head out for the night. I'll let you know about tomorrow."

You two said your goodnights and you left the voice channel. You sigh as you turn your computer off, almost like a loneliness settling over you after telling your friend bye.

You had other friends, sure. But sometimes you just couldn't help but feel lonely with your best friend now being almost ten hours away. Of course you had Hitch and Annie, but the person who has been through the most with you was farther away now.

Fucking dude had to leave for his job. Maaannnn. I should have left when I had the chance.

You walk into your kitchen, running your finger across the cold countertop stopping at the fridge for a drink before walking back to your bedroom getting ready for bed.

As you settle in your bed for the night you're scrolling through tiktoks when your phone goes off, displaying a discord message from Armin.

Armin: Eren said he's free tomorrow evening if we all wanna hang out in discord for a while :)

You: sounds good, you know I'll be there. What time??

Armin's discord status went offline after he sent that message, assuming he wouldn't respond, you put your phone on the charger and drifted off to sleep.

You're woken up suddenly from loud rumbling outside of your window, your hands coming up to your eyes to rub the sleep away.

You sit up looking out your window. It's gray out, heavy rain filled clouds spread across the sky as rumbles are heard along with rain hitting your window. It's almost calming.

"Good morning Beanie." You smile as your cat lays at the foot of your bed sleeping, paying you or the storms no mind.

You reach over grabbing your phone off the nightstand checking the time. "Hhhmm, it's only nine. Nice." Though you wouldn't complain if you were able to sleep in, sleeping in sometimes made you feel like the day was being wasted away, especially since you had stuff to do before this evening.

You get out of bed, stretching and fixing your blankets making sure to not disturb Beanie who has made no efforts to move since you woke up.

You make your way into the kitchen, starting your morning cup of coffee as you load the dishwasher, playing your favorite podcast over the Alexa in your kitchen.

As you finish putting your last dish away, you hear for phone ding. Pressing the power button on your phone to turn the screen on, you smile at your lock screen as it's a picture of Beanie sleeping on your couch as the sun rays kept her warm. You see a discord message from Armin, you click on the notification and unlocking your phone.

Armin: How does 7pm sound?

You: sounds good to me, you can invite him to the server whenever you want btw

You lock your phone, setting it on the counter as you start cleaning up the kitchen. Your mind wanders elsewhere as you mindlessly clean up.

Hopefully he's nice.

He's gotta be nice if he's friends with Armin, right?

Duh.

Armin wouldn't be friends with an asshole.

Lowkey a little nervous.

Eh, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Meeting new people was never really in your comfort zone. You found it hard to spark up the "meeting new people" type of conversation, the "what do you do for work?" Or, "where did you go to school?" Shit like that. Obviously it's good to know those things, but you enjoyed conversations that were on a deeper level.

Tell me your hobbies, your favorite band, what you do in your free time. Stuff that tells me about who I'm trying to get to know, not just the stale same ol' same ol' questions.

You sigh to yourself hoping Eren was a bit more interesting than just wanting to answer all those boring questions or even worse, ask them to you.

Can you say ….

B to the O to the R to the ing

Boring.

The day went rather quickly as you kept finding more things to do around your apartment, and before you knew it it was dinner time.

"Beanie, dinner time baby!" You weren't too sure where your cat had been most of the day but you knew they'd come around once they heard food hitting their food bowl.

You drop the food into the bowl, the hard pieces hitting the bowl, "Right on queue." As you see Beanie sprinting from your bedroom into the kitchen as if they haven't eaten in days.

Typical cat behavior

Good god

You laugh out loud to yourself as you open the fridge pulling out your ingredients for dinner.

"Alexa, play my feels good playlist on spotify." You say to Alexa, as she starts playing songs from that playlist.

You spend your dinner making time singing into your spoon in between stirring the food that was cooking on your stove. Getting way into it and losing track of time.

"Ah, shit." You say to yourself looking at the time on your stove. Seven right on the dot, and you still had just a few minutes left of cooking. You grab your phone off the counter, opening discord to message Armin.

You: don't be mad but I mmaayyyyyyy or may not have misjudged how long it'll take for me to cook dinner. I'll be there in 5 promise

You leave your phone on as you do one last stir of the food, and grab a plate from the cabinet next to you. As you're dumping your food onto the plate you hear your phone go off.

You mumble the message Armin sent you, rolling your eyes, "Yeah, yeah. I'm comingggggggg." You say to yourself as if he could hear you.

You set your plate down at your desk and power on your pc. Grabbing your favorite blanket, sitting down and putting your headset on.

You hear the ding in your headset as you join the discord, it's silent but you notice Eren is muted.

"Uh, hello?" You say stuffing a fork full of food in your mouth.

"Oh hey, didn't hear you join, sorry. Was watching a video. How'd your dinner turn out?" Armin asked.

Your mouth is still half full of food, covering your mouth, "It's yummy." You let out a small laugh.

You hear Armin laughing as well.

"What’d you make?" Your eyes shoot up to look at your screen, you hadn't even noticed Eren unmuted himself, his voice almost surprising you.

"Ope." You laugh at your own surprise. "I made potatoes, peppers, sausage and crack two eggs in it. It's like breakfast food but for dinner I guess." You giggle again.

"It's really good, honestly." Armin chimes in.

Eren lets out an almost nervous sounding laugh, "It sounds pretty good."

Okay, well at least it's not just you who seems nervous.

"So Eren," Armin starts, "This is my best friend (y/n), we've been buds since we were kids." Armin introduces you to Eren.

You can hear the smile in Armin's tone, "And (y/n) this is Eren."

After introductions, conversation actually came easily between the three of you. There were a few questions of Eren asking about your job, but they seemed more like curiosity than anything. You happily filled him in on what you did and how you loved to work from home to which he said he was jealous of. One reason being the convenience and secondly because that meant he could travel.

You smile to yourself, "So you like to travel then?"

"If I had more time and money, I'd love to travel more. When I was younger my family did travel a good bit but now not so much." His voice almost sounded sad as he ended his sentence.

Family talk with Eren is a sensitive subject.

Got it.

"But," He continued, "Once I get stable at this job, I will one hundred percent be traveling more."

"Didn't you tell me you wanted to go to Germany one day?" Armin chimes in, he's been surprisingly quiet after the introductions but you figured he didn't want to interrupt the easy flowing conversation between you and Eren.

He let out a small laugh, "Yeah I do. My family is mostly German, and figured going there for that reason alone would be cool."

You nod your head to yourself, "That'd be sick honestly. I hope you get to do that!" Excitement filling your voice.

"Yeah, me too." He lets out a relieved sigh.

All three of you ended up staying in the voice channel for several more hours. Sharing stories of you and Armin growing up, stuff that happened in high school, Eren sharing the same about himself.

You could confidently say this was the smoothest time you've had meeting someone in years. Usually you were too awkward, or didn't know how to fill the dead air. But with Eren, it just seemed to flow between you two. You liked that about him.

After saying your goodbyes, you leave your office feeling almost warm and fuzzy on the inside. Relieved that it wasn't the same feeling of loneliness that washed over you yesterday after you and Armin chatted.

You smiled to yourself as you got your glass of water for the evening, and putting your dirty plate into the sink being left for the morning.

After finishing your nightly routine, you snuggle into your sheets turning on your phone screen. To your surprise you had a discord friend request from Eren and a message from him.

After accepting the friend request you got into his messages,

Eren: Hey, just wanted to say thank you for this evening. I know I barely know you, but tonight with you and Armin was really nice and well needed for me.

Eren: hopefully that's not too weird to say..

Eren: oh well, lol. Thank you again, hope we can chat soon :)

Your heart feels warm and fuzzy again as you smile at his messages. You were honestly glad you weren't the only one who felt that way.

You start typing out your response to him.

You: hhiiiii! not weird at all to say so please don't think that. It was super nice, and well needed for me too! I'm sure we'll talk soon :)

Do I tell him goodnight?

Is that too weird? He didn't even say goodnight.

Your fingers are hovering over your keyboard.

Girl, he didn't even say it. What are you doing?

Your fingers clearly doing whatever they want as they move across your keyboard on your phone.

You: goodnight eren :)

Ope.

You already hit send too late now.

I mean you could delete it.

Should I?

Nah, don't be a pussy.

Your phone vibrates in your hand. Eren: goodnight (y/n) :)

The next morning you’re woken up to your alarm, resulting in your groaning out in tiredness as you grab your phone off the nightstand turning the alarm off. Once the alarm is off you’re looking around your room just taking in the peace and quiet. The sun's warm morning rays hitting your bedroom casting a pretty light throughout the room.

You reach back over to your nightstand, grabbing your phone and holding it in front of your face. You see a message from Hitch, and a discord message from Armin as well. You unlock your phone, rubbing your eye with one hand as you open your text messages to see what Hitch said.

You met Hitch in high school, and you two have stayed friends since. She was a ride or die type of friend, always there when you needed her - being a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to whenever you needed it. Of course you did the same for her.

Bestiiieee: goodmorning beautiful. What are you up to today? Wanna do something?

You: good morning my beautiful friend. i should be pretty free today.

Bestiiieee: I just wanted to get some lunch with you if thats cool, ive got some stuff to do today so i can’t spend my whole day with you :(

You laugh at her response.

You: how daaareee you not spend every waking moment today with me! :( but i’d be down for some lunch!

You close out of your message and open discord to read Armin’s message.

Armin: good morning!

Armin: so what’d you think of eren? You two seemed to have hit it off pretty well

What could you say, he made you feel comfortable.

You: good morning :) yeah i liked eren, he seems really nice. Hopefully he wants to stay in the friend group

You go back to your text messages and finish making plans with Hitch, after getting out of bed and getting your morning coffee. You sip on your hot drink looking out your window that looks down to the streets below, the sun still shining nicely through that window washing over you with warmth. You smile, looking down and seeing Beanie sitting on the floor next to your feet looking out the window.

“You like the sun too, huh?” You reach out and pet her head as she starts purring, standing up and rubbing her sides against your legs. You sit on the floor with Beanie as you continue to drink your coffee and keep petting her.

“I love you so much you preeettttyyy baby.” You kiss her head, getting up off the floor, setting the cup down on your countertop and heading into the bathroom to get ready for your lunch with Hitch.

“So, how are you and Marlo doing?” You give a small smirk to your friend who sits across the table from you.

Her cheeks turn a light shade of pink at the mention of her boyfriend. She smiles, “Ugh! Babes - we’ve been so good.” A big smile still on her face as she continues, “He’s just so sweet, and kind to me. Treats me how I should be treated, and it’s a nice change.”

You smile at her, taking a sip of your drink before speaking, “Well Hitch, I’m really glad to hear that honestly. If anyone deserves it, it would be you.” You point your fork at her.

She raises an eyebrow letting out a small hum, “Yeah, but you do too girl. When was the last time you had someone? Hm?”

She was right, it had been way too long since your last relationship. But your last relationship wasn’t a good one, he was mentally abusive to you, made you feel worthless - like you didn’t matter to anyone and it put you in a dark place. Though you got out safely, he still left his effect on your brain and your confidence in yourself. You knew it was stupid to let that idiot still have this hold on you, but healing and forgetting about that asshole was easier said than done. It was true that it kept you from having any form of romantic relationship, just too hard for you to let down those walls and to share yourself with people.

Your eyes look down at your food, picking your fork through your food. “I know, just has been hard since Charley. I’m really fucking trying Hitch, but fuck. It’s been hard.” You feel pines in your eyes as tears gather at the corner of your eyes, you look up at Hitch offering her a sad smile.

Her happy, curious face changed into sadness as she looked into your eyes. She reaches her hand over the table grabbing your hand, holding yours in hers, her thumb rubbing across the top of your hand. “I know babe. I know it’s been hard.” She searches your eyes for any type of reaction, but you just simply keep listening to her, waiting. She continues, “You will find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Someone will come along, and will give you that confidence about breaking down those walls and showing them who you really are. You know you’re a great person, right?” She squeezes your hand, “We all love you. But,” She looks into your eyes and offers a small smile, “You need to give people that chance to. You don’t get to know someone overnight.”

You look down, your free hand under the table grabbing the bottom of your shirt hoping to relieve some of the anxiety you were feeling.

You sigh, “I know, I know. I get it, I really fucking do Hitch. But it’s been so hard. It’s just easier to not get closer to anyone anymore.”

Hitch lets go of your hand, leaning back in her chair. “I know, I get it. But promise me one thing.”

“And what’s that?” You already knew what she was going to ask you.

She’s going to ask for you to at least try.

I’m sure she’ll tell me again at some point.

God, you’re a mess, huh?

“Can you at least try to let people in that you meet if you think they’re worth the time? Please?” She offers a small smile to you, eyes flicking between yours.

You nod your head, “Only if I think they’re worth it. Otherwise,” You pause, raising your eyebrow, “They aren’t worth the effort.” You let out a small laugh.

Hitch smiles at you, “Okay, fair enough.” She laughs.

Do I say something to her about Eren?

Like .. we’re just friends, but he made me feel so comfortable with just the short amount of time we chatted.

Fuck.

She’d find out eventually from Armin, right?

Might as well tell her either way.

“So,” You start, cheeks feeling a little red as Hitch raises an eyebrow to you, “Armin introduced me to one of his coworkers yesterday in discord, and it surprisingly went really well.”

“Well of course it did, you’re a hard person to not like. But how was this coworker? He pass the vibe check?” She takes a sip of her drink.

You smile at her, “Yeah I think so. He was so easy to talk to, conversation between the three of us just flowed super easy. His name is Eren.”

She raises an eyebrow to you, looking down at her drink as she laughs. “Why you got that look on your face, Hitch?”

The smile on her face continues to stay, “No reason.” She giggles, continuing, “I’m glad that he seemed cool though, that’s always good to hear.”

You roll your eyes, “Hitch, we literally just met. He just seems really nice, it’s nothing more.”

She nods her head as if she doesn’t believe the last part, smiling, “Either way. Glad you three all got along. Do you know what he looks like?”

Of course she’d ask that.

You smile at her, “Nah. But if he works with Armin, probably some nerdy looking dude if I’m guessing.” You laugh, though you were sure there were all types of people at Armin’s job, you really couldn’t picture anyone looking different than Armin really.

She shrugs her shoulders, “He could look god tier for all you know.”

You look at her, returning the shrug smiling, “Yeah, who knows.”

A/N: thank you for reading this new fanfic, was literally making dinner and this came to mind and i had to act on it. hopefully yall like it, and thank you for reading - pretty excited about this one. see yall in the next chapter.

#aot fanfiction #eren aot #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #eren yeager #eren jeagar #eren yeager x you #eren yeager x reader #eren x y/n #modern setting #alternate universe #friends to lovers #strangers to lovers

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spacecruiser-z · 9 months

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I am high that means 3D thinking and the capability to hyperfocus on it calmly.

What is it called when you have extremely high anxiety/fears of failure that you body only produces dopamine when you did something right and immediately of a high quality? Adding onto that the childhood trauma of being conditioned to transactional happiness which blurs the margin of error of what I consider a failure.

By this I mean that as I grew up my standards for things dropped and any inconveniences. Ex: a planned event I was genuinely excited for gets cancelled or I can't go for a non-emergency reason.

I'm not sure how close Complicated PTSD fits this bill though.

Mental health failures. What would happen to someone suffers a childhood with little to no memory of a good thing happening because of them, but still having some deep love with their planet? A big enough love and ambition to want to protect it? I love so many things about this stupid, crumbly lavaball in the void. I wanted to be some kind of Natural Scientist when I was little because different plants, animals, and the behavior of an ecosystem amaze me. That shifted to Marine Biology as I learned about how all the plants and animals that I love so much came from aquatic biology, since I enjoy underwater themes so much more apposed to land.

That sounds like a great personality to be honest, driven by a childlike love for science and becoming a forever good egg in the science community. Except then trauma happens. And it happens to them directly, sometimes it's consistent, but as I lower my standards to accommodate optimism the idea of failure becomes more specific. Getting a failing grade in school was nothing compared to the humiliation of being yelled at as a very young child.

Therein lies what a weirdly smart subconscious does. This bitch gotta stay alive, dying is failure, do anything possible to keep from dying. A unanimous voting system is nice, it keeps everything easy if you're mentally stressed. Personify some parts of my personality so that way they can communicate in an organized fashion, since communication is always key to a happy ending. Oh no traumas are happening, certain standards are becoming normal routine and there's like no dopamine to provide motivation towards my goal, being a Marine Biologist.

Fuck it's like currency in a video game, or in general I supposed. You spend a lot of your hard earned dopamine which will fully put you to the next step towards your big goal. Oooo ouch, sorry that backfired. Be through losing a challenging mental failure or failing in a lot of tiny ways in the margin of error.

Think of it like the early game in Stardew Valley or Minecraft, its like every single time you log on you die or lose valuable time and effort over something that wasn't even your fault, even worse when it IS your fault but You don't always do bad things, so being scolded is like being helpless and overstimulated by anxiety.

New failure unlocked, being scolded at or someone noticing my failure. I get very stuttery and Shakey during any form of public speech where it also counts as a test. What events just became super stressful or hurt my mental health? Presenting a project in school, being put onto a spotlight with a judging audience, reading out loud in a way that accurately portrays the words as dialogue.

Can I build on that as a side bar? It's as if the idea of the giving and receiving of knowledge produces dopamine. Which links back up to being conditioned towards feeling happy when I succeed, and the reward for succeeding in something I put hope into is maximized.

Okay back to video game analogy, my bad, Dopamine is a health bar. Hope is a rare currency used towards triggering events which will heal/extend the Dopamine bar. Should events that accumulated hopes conclude as traumatic or are events of extreme mental trauma, dopamine bar will go down. When it reaches 0 suicide becomes possible. I mean that kind of includes death in general but suicide is a humiliating death which will leave the planet to rot and there isn't anything I can do about it if I'm dead.

So basically life is exactly like playing, or should I say replaying, a story game such as The Quarry, Detroit: Become Human, Dark Pictures Anthology, and others. When you replay a hangout event in Genshin Impact. You know what certain decisions will lead you, but only due to your past experience. Will mom change the TV channel if I ask nicely during dinner? Well it hasn't happened yet so I won't put any hope behind that event, why waste a currency so important if you know the gamble will lose?

The answer to that is a gambling addiction thanks to Genshin Impact, I'm not so irrational that I could blow all my money on the game and be broke. Although I don't have any problem with buying things, I have strict budgeting rules that boost my pride in myself a little when I keep them. That life skill is transfered to my dopamine stonkz strategy to maximize the yield of events that I put hope into. However the goals which would normally be placed include something very reasonable, stay exercised and healthy, keep a good diet (as in quality over quantity), maintain good relationships with people that I value.

Okay I'm gonna go to bed, that was a long and unnecessary ramble about my whatever has disordered my personality. Wow I forgot I hate being high, dopamine crash landed on an exponential slope. Yay woohoo insecurities and depression and weed are a horrible combinationnnnn(for me)

#mental illness #what kind of personality disorder is this?#i played the true ending of Coffee Talk #Coffee Talk is a wonderful game.#feed him milky way #she needs her sleep #give her the Bedchamber

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bee-ackerman · 2 years

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Whats in the AOT Gangs Bag Modern AU Part 2

A/N: This is in my seaside city AU. Marley characters will be in the next part. I tried to keep reader as neutral as possible ~ Connie's part is my fave lol he's so chaotic, PLS why am I so mean to Jean I luv him~ REBLOGS ARE WELCOMED 💕

TW: Implied age gap relationship, mentions of alcohol

Part 1 - Includes the Vets

This part includes the 104 - (Y/N) aka YOU 😌, Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Sasha, Connie, Jean, Ymir, Historia

Eren

Certified gamor gorl 🙈

Broke his 4th phone cause hes a degenerate and now his dad refuses to replace it

Broke bitch but also rich bitch

Vapes

Sketchbook for option art class - plays switch during lectures

Went to university cause his dad made him but really he wants to be a streamer

Majors in finance at seaside city uni

Works part time at Levi's tea shop because of an incident that he'd rather not talk about

Has called Levi dad by accident more than once. Jean will not let him live it down.

Loses his bag a lot

Ends up watching video game streamers in class instead of paying attention

Has actually flown to LA for a meet and greet of his fave streamer just for said streamer to cancel 😔

Gets in a lot of trouble at Levis tea shop cause he's so short tempered, he's so bad at customer service.

Tried to arm wrestle a costumer once so Levi has sent him to work in the back instead

Armin

Handkerchief - never gave it back after getting it from historia

Doesn't like social media so flip phone is the vibe (still has it but it's on his ipad)

Intern for Hange

Studies bio and hopes to become a marine biologist

Lives in the same building as Moblit and Hange so he also has a key to Hange or Moblit's place just in case they pull an all nighter

Has mostly ocean pictures on his camera but also pictures of friends and a certain blonde who hes crushing on... *coughs* Annie

Is clumsy and awkward but gets serious when focusing on what he loves

Accidentally forgot water once while he was out on the boat with Hange and Moblit tryna study whale sounds and he was so parched he thought he was gonna die(dramatic). Hange forgot to bring water then chugged moblits. Lets just say their sea day trip was cut short.

Now religiously brings water in his bag wherever he goes

Mikasa, (Y/N), Jean, Connie, Sasha, Ymir, Historia after the cut off

Mikasa

Over the shoulder bag

Carries a wallet because Eren is always forgetting his so she carries his money too

Sea shells Armin gave her

Lives with Eren

Carries food for after her gym sessions

Make up for that same reason

Takes notes on her laptop

Majors in finance with Eren

Works part time at Levis tea shop as well

Has a scholarship due to her incredible athletic abilities

Is on the tennis team

Calls her parents everyday without fail and even calls Eren's parents so he and her can say hi

Knows that Jean is copying her mint brand but doesn't mind. Asks him for mints so that he doesnt have to eat them cause she knows he actually doesnt like mints.

Always has food for the gym but also for a Sasha emergency.

Has matching handkerchief with Historia because they saw them when they went shopping. They dont use them much but its the memory and thought that counts.

(Y/N)

Whats in my bag sticker given to you by Mikasa

Mikasa, Eren, and Armin are your childhood friends

You got the airpods as a birthday gift from Eren

The keys are Sasha’s cause you’re staying over at her, Connie and Jean’s place while you find a new place to live.

Yes it does get super chaotic and you sometimes have to go to Eren and Mikasa’s apartment to get some quiet time

Usually you go there when they both have a shift at the shop

You and Jean are both pre-law poli-sci students so in first year you meet the rest of the 104 through Jean and become friends quickly

You use a laptop for your notes

Your camera is full of pictures of your friends and candid shots of Levi that he has zero idea about and you will never tell him cause he’s gonna delete them.

He knows about them he just simps so hard he doesn't say anything.

Theres one picture of him climbing a fence like a pro because you both decided to sneak into the universities tennis court so he can drunkenly show you his tennis skills at 3am.

You got treats for Connie’s cat who literally has no name so everyone has different names they call him. Yours is Captain grump.

The dandelion is from Sasha cause she wanted your sandwich and she offered to trade with you. Obviously not a fair trade but you love her so you did it anyways.

Sasha

Cute and weird wallet phone case is really her vibe

Does not use the case as a wallet tho

Collects random rocks she thinks look like candy. The first time she encountered one she ate it... seriously, Jean had to take her to the doctor to make sure she's ok.

Always has food... ALWAYS

Messy make up bag but she always has a hair tie

Has a switch so she can game with the bois during break

When you and her get annoyed at their bickering over the games you just end up playing animal crossing together. Sasha always steals fruit from your island

Pranked you once by stealing ALL the fruit from your trees

Takes notes on her ipad and unexpectedly has really neat well taken aesthetic notes

A game boy for when she sneakily plays while on shift at Levi's shop

Majors in psychology, and wants to become a child therapist

On the University archery team, she's actually a archery prodigy and was offered a scholarship for it like Mikasa

Roommates with Connie and Jean

Connie

Actually rents a locker cause he does not fuck with back packs

If he needs to carry stuff he puts on his cross body fanny pack

What he can carry in his fanny pack: vape, adhd meds, gameboy, snack for his cat, polaroids he cherishes, a pencil and eraser, peice of gum, keys to his apartment and some cash, lastly his ipod and phone.

Keeps his switch in his locker till he goes home

Has a 6 month old drink in his locker he doesnt care to take out

Keeps textbooks and notebooks in his locker also but carries around one notebook while going to classes which is a bad idea cause he keeps losing them.

Thankfully he has permission to record his lectures so he keeps some notebooks in his apartment

Found a four leaf clover and i'm convinced this is why he hasn't accidentally flunked out cause hes so forgetful about everything. *cries* my poor child

Actually has good grades

Majors in psychology with sasha and bertolot and peick

Jean

Has a pink phone cause he likes rose gold

Says he doesnt believe in wallets but really doesnt have one cause the one he truly wants is like more than 1k

Has the same key chain as Mikasa cause they went to buy it together. Awe... SIKE bb is delusional cause it's more like everyone went as a group and he just got the same one she did ahhaha

Also gets the same brand of mints as Mikasa so he can start a conversation.

Keeps seashells armin gave him as well ( not cause mikasa does it but cause he loves armin also )

Keeps cat treats for Connies cat who he calls snuggles 😳. He will NOT say it in front of anyone but snuggles

Got a blue and red switch so he wouldn't match Eren's switch, cause gawd forbid they match like the besties THEY ARE.

Secretly has reading glasses but refuses to wear them near Mikasa cause he is self conscious about how he looks in them

Is a majoring in poli-sci and is hoping to go to law school - thinks of levi as his mentor and asks lots of questions when levi pops by the tea shop.

Jean stops by the shop a lot because he is visiting (stalking 👀) Mikasa and "studying".

Can surprisingly cook well so he cooks dinner most of the time for Sasha and Connie

His mom gave him that hanker chief. Secretly a mamas boy so he treasures anything she gives him 🤧😊

Marco

Got the phone case as a prize at the seaside city festival but has grown to really like it so he refuses to change it. Boi is emotionally attached like don't even touch it or breathe near it.

Unlike jean he actually doesnt believe in wallets - he gave zero reason’s

Has reading glasses and wears them often - they're actually full time glasses but he doesn't realize it. Jeans tried to tell him but Marcos too sweet he doesn't wanna upset him that he needs to wear them always. They hurt Marco's nose.

Journals every detail of his day

Photography major

Carries around polaroids of his closest friends

Only can finish half his food cause hes a really light eater (pls don't come for me cause of this joke)

Sasha gave him those rocks and he claims he forgot to clean them out but really he treasures them

Historia

Does not fuck with air pods or any ear phones cause they hurt her ears, she will blast her music and everyone lets her

Bought another matching hankerchief as Mikasa cause Armin committed theft and stole the other one. She holds a grudge secretly.

Loves green tea in all forms so she's a regular at the shop

Ymir won her the lil plush at the seasode city festival cause she thought it looked like historia

Journals religiously to the point she cant hear anyone else when shes deep in journal heaven

A history major who doesnt really know what shes gonna do after undergrad school

Thinks she might go to law school or grad school and become a professor

If you ask anyone else what she should do the answers would vary from “marry me” to “model or become famous”

Unknowingly she is one of the campus it girls

Sorry boys but shes a BISEXUAL QUEEN in a relationship with a woman - broke many boys hearts when her and Ymir were caught kissing during the university end of year party

The boys are still simping

Takes all her notes on her ipad and at first she tried to be aesthetic like Sasha but got bored and now just takes neat notes.

Has had Erwin as her prof a couple times and at first it was hard to pretend she didn't know him on a deeper level (her friend's boss who they sometimes party with)

Ymir

Not a uni student

She joined a cruise when everyone was in their first year of uni as a singer/performer

Hopes to become a movie director and music producer

For now works at zekes music studio as an intern

Has an old ass carrot 🥕 in her car but cant find it and doesnt know where the smell is coming from

Her and historia have to drive with the windows down because of the smell

Vapes pretty religiously

Her and Eren are surprisingly really close. They love pranking Zeke and Eren takes all the blame when they get caught cause Zeke can never be mad at his precious baby brother 💀

Loves making juice, especially the aesthetically pleasing ones she sees on tik tok when she's on historias phone

Isn't upper middle class unlike most of the 104 so she only has a flip phone and ipod so she can listen to music ~illegally~

Was able to buy a switch off Zeke for a low price cause it wasn't the colour he wanted so he was practically giving it away (rich man tingz 👀🏃‍♀️)

Now she games with the boiiis and WINS 😎

If you read it all I love you have a cookie 🍪 , forehead kiss and a good day!

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voidix · 3 years

Text

So my dear friend @kittytudor and I were discussing some takes the fandom has on Dazai and especially his interactions with Mori and I thought I’d share

I really hate the train of thought that goes like “they’re super smart so they know life has no meaning and nothing matters” like that’s cynical for no reason whatsoever and just nihilistic

Yea when you are intelligent you see all the bad in the world and feel like you’re powerless to stop it a lot of times but the things is

You know scientists see beauty in everything geologist will get excited about literal dirt a marine biologist about a gold fish. When you’re intelligent you see all the bad but also all the good

However it’s easier to see the bad and often times it clouds your view but part of the healing process is starting to see beauty and happiness in the smallest things and I think that’s a journey Dazai is slowly going on.

So I really don’t think intelligence is the issue here and I’m gonna assume you’re an edgy bastard if you say so

I feel like Dazai’s issue is more the environment than anything and the lack of meaningful relationships. I know we clown the scene where he says actually living is okay now 1 day after meeting Chuuya but here is the thing. This might have been the first time he had someone his age who wanted to hang out with him or even less just someone his age who tolerated him. I personally know nothing about his life pre mafia but you can assume it wasn’t a good life if at age 14 you decide the bloody mafia is preferable to wherever you’re at at the moment

In my opinion Mori didn’t encourage it per se but he didn’t try to stop it either I really think that for him he did not expect Dazai would go through with it (again) and /or as cruel as it sounds if he actually did it which Mori didn’t think was likely he had one less rival to worry about but I really think that’s Mori’s reasoning for staying “neutral” for lack of a better word on this issue

That being said I’m sure being surrounded by death and suffering did not do any good for an already depressed 14/15yo

Which leads me to the second point. I really don’t think Mori expected Dazai to leave or tried to make him leave. For Mori Dazai was a powerful asset because of his ability and because of his intelligence that y’all are obsessed with. So why would you want to push that person away and it’s not like he was encouraging him to suicide here which would make much more sense than wanting him to leave.

And I have evidence

I’m gonna start it with: Oda did not die to set an example I don’t think so no. In his conversation with Chuuya he said something like “being a leader means making sacrifices for the well being of the group” or something like that and that’s what he did here.

He sacrifices Oda to get the permit.

The strange thing is I do think Mori meant what he said to Chuuya that he is a leader but also a servant to the mafia he wants the mafia to gain more power and that’s why he did what he did to get the permit.

I do think it could be a lesson to Dazai but not in the “if you cross me this is gonna happen to you” because Oda didn’t cross him Oda didn’t want power he is the last person who was interested in that. I think if anything it was more a lesson as in “when you take over this is something you’ll have to do and I’m showing you how it’s done”

Evidence for that is he was chuckling when he mentioned that possibility that Dazai would kill him and take one someday. And I agree that Mori

Wouldn’t mind if that was better for the Mafia. Like he wouldn’t make it easy for him and he wouldn’t give up but if he is defeated he wouldn’t be angry or annoyed because like I mentioned above I do think he was genuine when he said he is also a servant to the Mafia

My other piece of evidence is that when he showed Dazai the permit he seemed proud of what he’s done. The way he presented it and the entire scenario he seemed proud more than smug. If he really wanted Dazai out I feel like he would’ve been more smug about the whole thing and we know he can do that well.

And obviously there is also the fact he offered him not once but twice to come back. And what’s interesting is that the first time the offer was secret like he sent Gin and Higuchi and it was in a shady ass tunnel

Now the other time is where it gets interesting because it was very public in front of Dazai’s colleagues the black lizard and Fukuzawa.

Now Mori is a smart guy but also he has a sense of pride as we learned so I really don’t think he would risk being humiliated in front of Fukuzawa of all people just to mess with Dazai and he seemed genuinely surprised when Dazai said “you kicked me” and he didn’t offer him to just come back no he offered to be back as an executive and having Dazai decline and clown him in front of Fukuzawa like that I don’t think he would risk that if he was just playing

The thing is Mori is smart but he has tunnel vision in my opinion. He was so focused on getting the permit he forgot that this plan has consequences that aren’t just “we get the permit”

And also one of Mori’s issues is that he never takes into consideration people’s emotions. You can predict human Behavior to a certain degree a lot of times you can know what to

Say or what to do to get a certain result but the thing is humans aren’t algorithms they don’t always operate on logic they have emotions. And these emotions can be so strong that they override any crumb of logic left which is something I think Mori fails to understand. That’s why he didn’t expect Dazai to leave he forgot about the emotional factor.

That’s what Mori lacks but Dazai has and my evidence for this is a scenario we laughed at because it was presented in a funny way but I think that’s something that shows that Dazai is better at this 4D chess game than Mori.

On the Moby Dick he knew that Akutagawa would abandon everything to talk to him. If Dazai only operates by thinking about logical Behavior he wouldn’t have told Atsushi to do this but he realises that the emotional factor is one of the strongest drives humans have.

And you know I think Mori knows that when it comes to 4D chess Dazai would defeat him but he doesn’t mind that he isn’t scared of that. In dead Apple he couldn’t have possibly known the whole business with the pill but he told Chuuya to interfere. Mori has a strange sense of trust towards Dazai even now that they’re part of different sides.

I think Mori is has always been aware that although he says he does Dazai doesn’t actually want to die and I think the scene with the hyper and hypo tension medication in 15 shows this. If you actually want to die why would you Mix medicine with effects that cancel out each other and Mori is a doctor he knows this. That’s why I think he didn’t expect Dazai to commit and that he believes Dazai actually wants to live and because of that he will try and preserve himself and by extension Yokohama which is why he told Chuuya to go in dead apple, which is why he let Akutagawa go on the Moby Dick in season 2 because he realized Dazai wanted him to go there and he trusts Dazai to a certain degree .

I really feel like his underestimated the emotional factor and this will ultimately lead to his downfall. Like he didn’t expect Dazai to leave he wouldn’t expect anyone to react super emotional to god knows what he’ll do and thereby underestimate their response to that which will make him meet his end.

I don’t think the “you kicked me” is Dazai in denial he acted ok emotions or at least that’s not the whole thing. I think that Dazai’s reasoning for saying that is this:

Oda died so Mori can get more power which was part of Mori’s plan all along so looking at the bigger picture it was Mori’s plan and actions who drove me out of the Mafia so he basically “kicked me out”

Also I wanna add that I feel like Mori because he underestimates the emotional factor he doesn’t understand to this day why Dazai left like he knows it’s related to oda he can follow that train of events but in his mind it doesn’t make logical sense why Dazai would do that which is why he didn’t manage to win Dazai over back to The Mafia because in his mind be doesn’t know the logical reason why Dazai left which is also another reason why he was so surprised when Dazai said he kicked him

Also I’d like to add that I really don’t think he felt threatened or wanted to just get rid of him

Dazai was already suicidal so if it would very easy to make it look like that. And like I mentioned before if it was the best choice for the Mafia I really don’t think Mori would be that bothered about being replaced by Dazai.

I also don’t think he thought Dazai would be more useful on the outside because once again why lose a valuable addition like that

And it’s not like

He wanted to use him

As a spy or anything we know that would’ve been arranged differently see Ango

So Mori the logical guy he is wouldn’t want his enemies to have someone with Dazai’s ability because that’s a pain in the ass and also

He wouldn’t want an insider like Dazai to join his enemies and spill all his secrets. Dazai had a very high rank and like I said I don’t think Mori expected him to leave so he had no reason to hide things from

him so even without his ability he would be a very strong asset to the Mafias enemies so there is no way Mori would think he is more useful on the outside since

1. we already said mori has tunnel vision he couldn’t possibly predict that much that he thinks Dazai is better out

2. We established that he isn’t afraid of him

3. He wouldn’t want the ability and the information to fall into his enemies’ hands

4. If he was actually scared and wanted to get rid of him making it seem like suicide or actually driving him to suicide would be much easier especially since mori is a doctor

So yeah this is long thanks if you read until the end it was super fun to write this id love to know what others think I’m sorry if it’s a bit unorganised it’s copied from my notes app

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd Meta #Dazai osamu #osamu dazai #mori ogai #ogai mori #bsd Mafia

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bangtanloverboys · 2 years

Text

I posted 18,773 times in 2021

731 posts created (4%)

18042 posts reblogged (96%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 24.7 posts.

I added 1,307 tags in 2021

#dip rambles - 566 posts

#dip answers - 166 posts

#bts x reader - 132 posts

#dip friends - 118 posts

#icymi - 72 posts

#btsghostie - 59 posts

#jungkook x reader - 56 posts

#yoongi x reader - 49 posts

#wip update - 48 posts

#yoonkook x reader - 41 posts

My Top Posts in 2021

strawberries & cigarettes // kth

summary - being dragged out to some party on a saturday night wasn’t exactly your usual plans, but meeting a cute boy may or may not make it all better

pairing - bad boy!taehyung x nerd male!reader

genre - fluff; strangers to lovers au

word count - 3.7k

warnings - innacurate frat party, police showing up, references to smoking, kissing, gays moving at weird paces bc what do you expect they’re gay

author’s note - another gay fic for pride month hehehe, happy pride month yall!

See the full post

251 notes • Posted 2021-06-19 01:31:32 GMT

something sick & twisted (ii) // jjk

summary - it’s strange how one thoughtless decision could hold so much consequence. as now you’ve found yourself in bed with the man behind your corruption. trapped, you’re left unsure if you’re free of his influence or not. you want to believe he’s still behind it all, but you don’t know anymore

pairing - demon!jungkook x church boy!reader

genre - suspense, smut, angst

word count - 10.3k

warnings - kinda kidnapping?, technical discussion about the selling of a soul, demons care about consent, internalized homophobia, catholic guilt, smut reading, non descriptive dick sword play, reader goes through the stages of grief but not in order, masturbation, shame, voyeurism, degradation, name calling, orgasm control, ruined orgasms, sacreligious kink (oops), corruption kink, choking, face fucking, possessiveness, spanking, cum eating, spit as lube, explicit praying during sex (im sorry), dom!jungkook, sub!reader, top!jungkook, bottom!reader, gay sex, unprotected sex, crying during sex, dacryphilia, hospitals, doctors, police, homphobic parents, bisexual!childhood friend!yoongi, coming out, use of the word faggot, being disowned

author’s note - again, if you’re religious, i highly recommend not reading this. but thank you all for enjoying gay demon jk!! shout out to @crazy4myself for being the beta for this (ily)

tagged: @tipsydipsydo @anime-meme-sanctuary

part i

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349 notes • Posted 2021-08-18 22:11:59 GMT

groovy baby // jjk

summary - jeongguk powers, internatinal man of mystery, is here to save the day. but you sure as hell ain't having it with him

pairing - jungkook x female!reader

genre - crack/humor, smut; austin powers au

word count - 7.9k

warnings - crack that is literally taken seriously, absolute insanity, some 1960s lingo, austin powers references, jungkook being a cheeky bastard, flirty jungkook, swedish made penis milker that definitely doesn’t belong to jungkook, yoongi has one eye, gambling, bald kim seokjin, there is a plot that ends with porn, dom/sub dymanics, margret thatcher mention, sub!jk, dom!reader, whiny jungkook, edging, hand job, unprotected sex

author’s note - happy birthday to my dearest friend @jeonstudios behold the thing you have been fearing waiting for since i proposed the idea. it took me a year to do it, but it’s finally here. you’re welcome. hope you enjoy (also this wont make a lick of sense, it’s pure crack, nothing else)

See the full post

393 notes • Posted 2021-11-29 00:22:13 GMT

deep waters masterlist // myg & jjk

summary - legends of mermaids and other mythical sea creatures were always just that to you: legends and myths. but your entire world view shifts when your boyfriend claims he saw one for himself

pairing - marine biologist!yoongi x female!reader x siren!jeongguk

genre - sci-fi, drama, fluff, eventual smut; siren au

author’s note - this was inspired by freeform’s siren (damn another cancelled show). but this has been in my head for well over a year so i decided to finally write it!!

See the full post

397 notes • Posted 2021-08-30 23:11:50 GMT

something sick & twisted (i) // jjk

summary - all your life you considered yourself to be a good kid. you got good grades, went to church every sunday, didn’t go to any parties. you did anything you could to keep yourself on the path to heaven, even if it meant hiding some of the darkest parts of you to yourself. that was how you lived until one day, your no-good roommates decided to take you up to an abandoned cabin in the woods, where you begin to feel yourself corrupt from the inside out

pairing - demon!jungkook x church boy!reader

genre - suspense, smut

word count - 11.4k

warnings - internalized homophobia, catholic guilt, reader is a bit of a straight edge, kinda incubus!jungkook but also not really?, toxic friendships, drugs use (marijuana), driving while intoxicated/high, head injury, hospitals, kinda unconsensual touching?, clubbing, alcohol consumption, kitty gang!jimin shows up, sex dream, blowjob, paranoia, sleep deprivation, (former) youth group leader!namjoon, homophobic parents, masturbation, shame, lot’s of conflicted feelings, voyeurism, some degradation, slight man handling, name calling, spit as lube/improper prep (please don’t do that), loss of virginity, dom!jungkook, sub!reader, top!jungkook, bottom!reader, gay sex, unprotected sex (also don’t do that), non-explicitng praying during sex (um), crying during sex, kinda dacryphilia, marking, accidental selling of the soul

author’s note - the infamous gay demon jungkook is here. . . and here’s here to fuck shit up. i would like to note that if you are religious, i do not recommend reading this. @tipsydipsydo since you asked to be tagged. . . hope you enjoy also big shout out to @crazy4myself for being my beta for this ily

part ii

See the full post

564 notes • Posted 2021-06-13 17:01:13 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #GAY DEMON JK REIGNS SUPREME

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maandarinee · 3 years

Note

what are all the podcasts you listen to?

anon I'm so glad you asked

Since it is a pretty long list including synopses (stolen from the podcast feed or website because I'm Bad at summaries and in some cases it's been a while since I listened) I'm going to put it under a cut.

I've separated the list into "Complete" (either finished or cancelled) and "Ongoing" podcasts. Some have additional comments by me. Current favorites are marked orange. My eternal beloved are Our Fair City and Wolf 359.

Complete

ars PARADOXICA: "When an experiment in a time much like our own goes horribly awry, Dr. Sally Grissom finds herself stranded in the past and entrenched in the activities of a clandestine branch of the US government. Grissom and her team quickly learn that there's no safety net when toying with the fundamental logic of the universe."

Blackwood: "Five years ago, Molly Weaver, Bryan Anderson, and Nathan Howell started a podcast focused on the local legend of a monster called The Blackwood Bugman. Quickly, the investigation grew out of their control, as they discovered that, not only are the legends seemingly true, many people in Blackwood have turned up dead or disappeared without a trace." --> [this feels like the Blair With Project, but as a podcast. Didn't get a second season due to no funding, but it works as a standalone]

Dreamboy: "Dane, a spun-out musician spending the winter in Cleveland, Ohio, has two main goals: keeping his job at the Pepper Heights Zoo and trying not to waste all his time on Grindr. What he doesn’t expect is to get swept into a story about dreams, about forevers, about flickering lights, about unexplained deaths, about relentless change, and about the parts of ourselves that we wish other people knew to look for. Oh, and also a murderous zebra." --> [very NSFW; does cool things with music! Didn't get a second season due to no funding, but it works as a standalone]

King Fall AM: "...centers on a lonely little mountain town's late-night AM talk radio show and its paranormal, peculiar happenings and inhabitants." --> [cancelled after 100 episodes, ends on a huge cliffhanger]

Our Fair City: "A campy, post-apocalyptic audio drama." --> [I know the description sounds like nothing but just trust me, I love it so much]

Steal the Stars: "...is a gripping noir science fiction thriller in 14 episodes: Forbidden love, a crashed UFO, an alien body, and an impossible heist unlike any ever attempted."

Stellar Firma: "...a weekly Science Fiction, Comedy podcast following the misadventures of Stellar Firma Ltd.'s highest born but lowest achieving planetary designer Trexel Geistman and his bewildered clone assistant David 7. Join them each episode as they attempt to take listener submissions and craft them into the galaxy's most luxurious, most expensive and most questionably designed bespoke planets. However, with Trexel's corporate shark of a line manager Hartro Piltz breathing down their necks and I.M.O.G.E.N., the station's omnipresent and omniinvasive stationwide A.I. monitoring those necks to within 3 decimal places, they'll be lucky to make it a week before being slurried and recycled into raw human resources." --> [semi-improvised, I thought I'd have a problem with the improv bit because that's not usually my thing, but no, I absolutely devoured this]

TANIS: "...is a serialized docudrama about a fascinating and surprising mystery: the myth of Tanis. Tanis is an exploration of the nature of truth, conspiracy, and information. Tanis is what happens when the lines of science and fiction start to blur." [+ spinoff The Last Movie] --> [I have no clue what the hell is going on here]

The Black Tapes: "...is a serialized docudrama about one journalist's searc for truth, her enigmatic subject's mysterious past, and the literal and figurative ghosts that haunt them both."

The Magnus Archives: "...is a weekly horror fiction anthology podcast examining what lurks in the archives of the Magnus Institute, an organisation dedicated to researching the esoteric and the weird. Join new head archivist Jonathan Sims as he attempts to bring a seemingly neglected collection of supernatural statements up to date, converting them to audio and supplementing them with follow-up work from his small but dedicated team. Individually, they are unsettling. Together they begin to form a picture that is truly horrifying because as they look into the depths of the archives, something starts to look back…"

Time:Bombs: "...a new audio drama podcast about the hilarious world of bomb disposal. Ride along with EOD technician Simon Teller on the busiest night of the year for him and his team - when business is, quite literally, booming."

Wolf 359: "Life's not easy for Doug Eiffel, the communications officer for the U.S.S. Hephaestus Research Station, currently on Day 448 of its orbit around red dwarf star Wolf 359. He's stuck on a scientific survey mission of indeterminate length, 7.8 light years from Earth. His only company on board the station are stern mission chief Minkowski, insane science officer Hilbert, and Hephaestus Station's sentient, often malfunctioning operating system Hera. He doesn't have much to do for his job other than monitoring static and intercepting the occasional decades-old radio broadcast from Earth, so he spends most of his time creating extensive audio logs about the ordinary, day-to-day happenings within the station. But the Hephaestus is an odd place, and life in extremely isolated, zero gravity conditions has a way of doing funny things to people's minds. Even the simplest of tasks can turn into a gargantuan struggle, and the most ordinary-seeming things have a way of turning into anything but that." --> [starts funny, turns very intense]

Ongoing

Alba Salix, Roya Physician (+ The Axe & Crown): "A witch, her apprentice, and her fairy herbalist treat the ills of a fairy-tale kingdom." + "Gubbin the troll tavernkeeper deals with his clueless new landlord, his shady niece, and some new competition."

Archive 81: "A found footage horror podcast about ritual, stories, and sound."

Arden: "A (fictional) true crime podcast about cold cases and the reporter and detective who try to solve them."

Brimstone Valley Mall: "The year is 1999. Lurking somewhere between Hot Topic and the food court, five misfit demons from Hell kill time inciting sin in a suburban shopping mall. When the lead singer of their band goes mysteriously missing, the demons only have two weeks to find him before they play the biggest gig of the millennium - or face the wrath of Satan herself."

CARAVAN: "First rule of Wound Canyon: No one who gets in, ever gets out. So when a brilliant, ghostly specter flies through the sky amid the rain and lightning, Samir stumbles off a steep cliff and into a hidden world, one in which demons, vampires, and all other manner of paranormal creatures take sanctuary." --> [also pretty NSFW and horny in general]

Death by Dying: "The Obituary Writer of Crestfall, Idaho finds himself deeply in over his head as he investigates a series of strange and mysterious deaths… when he is supposed to simply be writing obituaries. Along the way he encounters murderous farmers, man-eating cats, haunted bicycles, and a healthy dose of ominous shadows." --> [I had to stop listening to this in public because it kept making me undignified laugh and snort noises]

Desperado: "Blood magic, Voodoo magic, old gods, new gods: We've got it all! Follow the story of misfits from all over the world, as they try to survive and protect their heritage from modern-day crusaders."

EOS 10: "Doctors in space, a deposed alien prince, a super gay space pirate and a fiery nurse who'll help you win your bar fight."

Girl In Space: "Abandoned on a dying ship in the farthest reaches of known space, a young scientist fights for survival (and patience with the on-board A.I.). Who is she? No one knows. But a lot of dangerous entities really want to find out. Listen as the story unfolds for science, guns, trust, anti-matter, truth, beauty, inner turmoil, and delicious cheeses. It’s all here. In space."

Janus Descending: "...follows the arrival of two xenoarcheologists on a small world orbiting a binary star. But what starts off as an expedition to survey the planet and the remains of a lost alien civilization, turns into a monstrous game of cat and mouse, as the two scientists are left to face the creatures that killed the planet in the first place. Told from two alternating perspectives, Janus Descending is an experience of crossing timelines, as one character describes the nightmare from end to beginning, and the other, from beginning to the end." --> [absolutely harrowing horror]

Love and Luck: "...is a fictional radio play podcast, told via voicemails and set in present day Melbourne, Australia. A slice of life queer romance story with a touch of magic, it follows the relationship between two men, Jason and Kane, as their love grows both for each other and their community." --> [soft and gay, feels like a warm hug]

Potterless: "Join Mike Schubert, a grown man reading the Harry Potter series for the first time, as he sits down with HP fanatics to poke fun at plot holes, make painfully incorrect predictions, and bask in the sassiness of the characters." --> [the only non-fiction podcast on the list]

Primordial Deep: "When a long extinct sea creature washes up on the shores of Coney Island, marine biologist Dr. Marella Morgan is contacted by a secret organization to investigate the origins of the creature’s sudden and unnatural resurgence. Soon, she and a team of experts find themselves living on the research station The Tiamat, traveling along the abyssal plains as they search for answers far below the waves. But there are dangers in these ancient waters. Reawakened, prehistoric monsters are rising from the deep -- jaws wide and waiting, and in the darkness, something is stirring."

Red Valley: "No one at Overhead Industries wants to talk about defunct research station Red Valley, and account man Warren Godby is out of his depth. When he meets Gordon Porlock, a disgruntled archivist with a bag of tapes from the station’s last known occupant, they will begin a journey to the limits of experimental science, confront horror and trauma from the past, present and future, and try to remember the cheat codes from Sonic the Hedgehog 2."

Rusty Quill Gaming: "An actual play podcast following a mixed ability group of comedians, improvisers, gamers, and writers as they play through the extended, tabletop roleplaying campaign Erasing the Line, an original game world of the GM’s crafting." --> [took me a while to get into because I have trouble focusing on non-scripted things, but eventually I got really hooked on the plot and attached to the characters. This podcast is really fucked up at times if you think about it]

SAYER: "A narrative fiction podcast set on Earth’s man-made second moon, Typhon. The eponymous SAYER is a highly advanced, self-aware AI created to help acclimate new residents to their new lives, and their new employment with Ærolith Dynamics." --> [feels like Welcome to Night Vale but narrated by GLaDOS from Portal]

StarTripper!!: "Join Feston Pyxis on a road-trip through the cosmos, as he leaves behind his old life in search of the best and wildest experiences the galaxy has to offer!"

The Amelia Project: "...is a secret agency that fakes its clients' deaths, then lets them reappear with a brand new identity! A black comedy full of secrets, twists... and cocoa."

The Big Loop: "...a biweekly anthology series. Each episode is a self-contained narrative exploring the strange, the wonderful, the terrifying, and the heartbreaking. Stories of finite beings in an infinite universe." --> [I don't like anthologies, except this one]

The Bright Sessions: "Dr. Bright provides therapy for the strange and unusual; their sessions have been recorded for research purposes." --> [think X-Men, but with therapy instead of a school]

The Deca Tapes: "Recordings have surfaced of ten people that are locked into the same space together. We don’t know where they are, or if they'll get out. But the answers must be somewhere on these tapes."

The Silt Verses: "Carpenter and Faulkner, two worshippers of an outlawed god, travel up the length of their deity’s great black river, searching for holy revelations. As their pilgrimage lengthens and the river’s mysteries deepen, the two acolytes find themselves under threat from a police manhunt, but also come into conflict with the weirder gods that have flourished in these forgotten rural territories."

The White Vault: "Follow the collected records of a repair team sent to Outpost Fristed in the vast white wastes of Svalbard and unravel what lies waiting in the ice below."

Tides: "...is the story of Dr. Winifred Eurus, a xenobiologist trapped on an unfamiliar planet with hostile tidal forces. She must use her wits, sarcasm and intellectual curiosity to survive long enough to be rescued. But there might be more to life on this planet than she expected." --> [think The Martian, but on a water planet]

Unwell, a Midwestern Gothic Mystery: "Lillian Harper moves to the small town of Mt. Absalom, Ohio, to care for her estranged mother Dorothy after an injury. Living in the town's boarding house which has been run by her family for generations, she discovers conspiracies, ghosts, and a new family in the house's strange assortment of residents."

VAST Horizon: "Nolira is an agronomist tasked with establishing agriculture in a new solar system, but when she wakes up on a now- empty colony ship, the whole of her plan disappears. The ship has been set adrift, with numerous mission-critical problems requiring immediate attendance outside of her area of expertise. Nolira is aided by the ship’s malfunctioning AI, which acts as her confidant and companion during the fight for survival."

Victoriocity: "Even Greater London, 1887. In this vast metropolis, Inspector Archibald Fleet and journalist Clara Entwhistle investigate a murder, only to find themselves at the centre of a conspiracy of impossible proportions."

We Fix Space Junk: "...follows seasoned smuggler Kilner and reluctant fugitive Samantha as they travel the galaxy, dodging bullets and meeting strange and wonderful beings as they carry out odd jobs on the fringes of the law."

Welcome to Night Vale: "Twice-monthly community updates for the small desert town of Night Vale, where every conspiracy theory is true. Turn on your radio and hide."

Within the Wires: "Stories told through found audio from an alternate universe."

Wooden Overcoats: "Rudyard Funn and his equally miserable sister Antigone run their family's failing funeral parlour, where they get the body in the coffin in the ground on time. But one day they find everyone enjoying themselves at the funerals of a new competitor - the impossibly perfect Eric Chapman! With their dogsbody Georgie, and a mouse called Madeleine, the Funns are taking drastic steps to stay in the business…" --> [one of THE funniest podcasts I have ever listened to]

#ask #anon #please talk to me about podcasts at all times #podcasts #podcast recommendations

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omni-scient-ramblings · 3 years

Text

Daily Writing Challenge - June 2nd 2021

Based off the Song Adventure Is Out There by AJR

Also a prequel to the short story I wrote yesterday... This is leading up to the day Sarah met Evan

Sarah sat on her bed, covers thrown over her head, intent on blocking out the world around her. Her hair was a mess and so was her room. Her joints ached from being curled up in one spot for so long and while she was tired of feeling this way, she couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed and actually do something about it.

The world was terrible and cruel anyways, there was no reason for her to actually get up and do anything anyways. People would dump you for no reason and they’d break your heart through a text message without a second thought to how excited you were to celebrate your six month anniversary.

Sarah buried her head in the mattress, throwing the pillow across the room as if it were some sort of voodoo doll for her ex-partner. Was it too much to ask for someone that actually cared about her?

A soft knock came to her door and Sarah groaned out some sort of response. “Go away” maybe.

The door opened anyways, despite her wishes, and her mother walked in. “Sarah honey?” Marge asked, sitting on the foot of her bed.

Sarah rolled over as if to face her mother, glaring up at the ceiling. No wonder Jesse hadn’t wanted to stay with her. Who would want to date a college student still living with their parents?

“Sarah...” Her mother began, sounding concerned. “I know the break up with Jesse was... Unexpected to say the least, but that doesn’t mean it has to stop your whole life up does it? What about that dive you were so excited to sign up for?”

“I cancelled it,” Sarah grumbled, hating how raspy her voice sounded from crying. She really needed some water or something. “I didn’t see the point in going if they were going to be there.”

Marge sighed. “Sarah, you can’t avoid him forever. Just because they broke up with you doesn’t mean that you two can’t be friends!”

Sarah sat up this time, resisting the urge to glare at her mother too. Even in her muddled post-breakup state she could tell that glaring at her mom wouldn’t end well for her. “Mom, they dumped me because he had completely lost all interest in me. If they wanted to still be friends after all this then he should’ve at least had the decency to break up with me face to face instead of doing it over text. Heck, even a voice text would’ve been better than a single message telling me it’s over!”

Marge winced slightly. “I know honey, and what Jesse did wasn’t right in the slightest-”

“He texted me five minutes before our dinner reservation was scheduled, and the cancellation fee at that point was more expensive than the reservation itself, so I had to eat dinner in the most well known couple restaurant, alone, on the verge of tears the entire time, unable to ask for clarification because of their strict no phone policy Mom! I can’t just ‘go on a dive’ with them!” Sarah said, her voice breaking towards the end as she realized that not only had her ex ruined her night, but the dive trip she had been looking forward to all semester long.

“Sarah,” Marge began, getting off the bed and beginning to fold Sarah’s discarded clothes that were scattered about the room for her.

Sarah gulped. Her mom’s no nonsense voice was no joke. “I did not raise my daughter to lose all her confidence over a single breakup, no matter how crappy the break up was.”

“But Mooom-” Sarah protested, wishing she could just throw the covers back over her head.

Marge stopped folding clothes to shoot a look at her daughter. “The only but is going to be yours getting out of bed and getting ready for the dive tomorrow.”

“I told you, I already cancelled on the dive trip,” Sarah said, fiddling with the edge of her blanket.

“Well then, luckily for you, Dr. Matthews was double checking the list yesterday and noticted you’d been taken off. She called the house to ask if it was purposeful or not and I told her it must’ve been some administrative error, so you’re going on the dive trip tomorrow, whether you like it or not.”

“MOM!” Sarah exclaimed, finally looking over at her mother.

“Don’t you take that tone with me young lady,” Marge warned, and Sarah crumpled again. “Trust me, this’ll be good for you. If you didn’t go on this trip you’d be kicking yourself for it years in the future.”

Sarah sighed. “Alright fine then... Can I at least have some privacy so I can get changed and make sure I have everything packed?”

Marge nodded, setting the pile of clothes she had already folded down on Sarah’s desk chair before heading for the door. “You’ve got 15 minutes to get dressed, and then I’m coming back in here to annoy you til you actually get out of bed.” she stepped outside, shutting the door softly behind her, and Sarah reluctantly slid out of bed, looking around the room for something to pull on.

“You’d think that with all these clothes everywhere it’d be easy for me to find something decent to wear,” Sarah grumbled to herself, looking under her bed for a pair of socks.

Sure enough, 15 minutes later, Sarah was out her bedroom door, sitting at her kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of her, despite the fact that it was almost noon.

“I really don’t see why I have to go on the dive," Sarah complained, scooping a spoonfull of cheerios in her mouth. "It's not like seeing Jesse on this thing is going to make him want to take me back."

Marge just shot her a look from across the dining room table, taking a sip from her coffee. "It's not about getting Jesse back Sarah, it's about rediscovering your love for all things other than Jesse. You were excited for this diver before you met them, and you can be excited about the dive for it after you broke up too, Jesse is not the only good thing in the world you know."

Sarah forced a small smile onto her face. "I know Mom... It just... It really sucks you know?"

Marge smiled sympathetically at her daugher. "I do know. And I also know that things are going to get better. I promise."

"Thanks Mom..." Sarah trailed off, staring down at her cereal. "I think I need to go out and buy a new pack of socks from the store. I couldn't find any at all in my room and I know for a fact I don't have any dirty laundry."

Marge laughed. "If it'll get you out of the house then by all means go for it. It's a do nothing day for me, so you can take my car if you'd like."

Sarah perked up a bit. Her mom never let her drive her car. "Really?"

Marge smiled. "Yes really. And if you happen to run into Jesse at the store, don't be afraid to show the old girl off a little."

Sarah grinned for the first time in what felt like an eternity. Maybe this whole dive trip wouldn't be so terrible after all.

***

Not less than 24 hours later, Sarah was regretting every single decision she had ever made up until this point. "You're sure I have to go Mom?" she asked, standing in the living room, peaking out at the bus that wasn't supposed to arrive to pick her up for another 10 minutes.

"Sarah," her mom told her, shooting her a look that was equal parts intimidating and encouraging. "There is so much more out there than Jesse. Or if you want me to put it into marine biologist terms, there are so many other fish in the sea."

Sarah resisted the urge to smile at her mom's corny joke.

"Adventure is out there!" Marge told her, doing her best to put on an encouraging smile. "You shouldn't be in here, moping about over some stupid demiboy that couldn't even bother to break up with you properly. You go on that dive and you show them that you're better than that. You're the up and coming marine biologist that can do anything you set your mind to. So get out there and find some adventure!"

Sarah let herself smile, feeling some of the tension leaving her body. "You really think so?"

"Honey, I know so," Marge told her. "Eventually you'll be out there making memories and having so much fun that you won't even remember your times with Jesse. And instead of losing your socks, your socks will be the ones losing you."

Sarah allowed herself to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of that one. "How did that make any sense at all Mom?"

Marge just shrugged. "Maybe it didn't, but it made you laugh, which is the important thing here."

Sarah smiled.

"Now get out there and go on that dive! You've got this!"

"Yeah, Sarah reassured herself. "I've got this!"

She took a deep breath and pulled her backpack higher up on her back, opening the door and standing in the doorway for a few moments, staring out at the bus. “... Adventure is out there.”

“So why are you in here?” Marge asked.

Sarah hesitated for a moment longer before taking her first step out the door. “I’m not.”

Marge smiled and Sarah did too as she glanced back at her before heading to the end of her driveway. Adventure was out there. And she was going to find it.

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officialleotolstoy · 3 years

Note

Could I get more modern AU headcanons for wap characters please 🥺

Absolutely! I am (tragically) American so I can’t speak on modern Russian anything and I’m sorry in advance for that. Also these are mostly based on ✨vibes✨ and not anything specific from canon

This got kind of long, I just started rambling lol

Comet’s decision to put Dolokhov in eyeliner was a great one and I think modern Dolokhov should get to wear that too (someone once suggested to me that Hélène taught him how to do it and I vibe with that)

I also think Dolokhov should get to wear black nail polish and listen to emo punk bands

He thinks he’s cool because he listened to My Chemical Romance in middle school and probably had a Brendon Urie fan account

Nikolai goes insane for Richard Siken poetry. You’re in a troika with a beautiful boy-

The Tsar is like a singer or actor he has a huge crush on and makes fancams for

Pierre had a Superwholock phase and November 5th 2020 absolutely broke his brain. He says “yo a ti, Natasha” unironically (I’m not a big pierretasha fan but still)

He probably went to dashcon let’s be real

Andrei and Pierre used to hang out on incel subreddits but they reformed

Anatole makes thirst traps on Tik Tok

Marya B has a progressive Christian blog where she argues with homophobes

Pierre is into dark academia

Sonya makes her own earrings

She also was deep in the Warrior Cats fandom as a kid and has yet to really let it go

Andrei is the kind of guy who comments “they don’t make music like this anymore, all the modern pop is trash” on Led Zeppelin lyric videos on YouTube

Marya had a very short girldefined fan phase and Andrei used to stan Ben Shapiro. Then they came out.

She/they Vera I do not take criticism

Petya does parkour and starts all his videos with “what’s up YouTube it’s ya boi Petya comin at you with another super poggers video”

Pierre unironically watches Cinemasins and has been to a flat earth convention (he saw Ippolit there)

Sonya covers Hozier songs for fun

Natasha and Nikolai watch the Bachelor together and get overly invested in it

Natasha is also super into Dance Moms

Ippolit is genuinely terrified of Buzzfeed Unsolved but he can’t stop watching it (obviously he skips the ones about ghosts)

Pierre has his Hogwarts house and zodiac sign in all his social media bios

Boris was in Mock Trial and Model UN and on a debate team all at the same time

Old Prince Bolkonsky posts boomer minion memes on Facebook and Marya likes them all out of pity

Since he canonically speaks like three languages, Anatole has the highest duolingo streak of any of the characters and it’s the only legitimate achievement he has in life (but he only learned different languages in the first place to flirt with foreign people)

Ilya Rostov takes his kids to pride parades

Nikolai and Natasha are the biggest ABBA stans ever

I feel like Hélène would be an influencer who gets cancelled a few times a year but it never sticks

Anatole never actually got into college but Vassily paid off some people in admissions for him to go to some state school. Hélène, on the other hand, got a significant merit scholarship

Natasha wanted to be a marine biologist for a brief period of time after she watched one (1) episode of Blue Planet

#im sorry this is A Lot and mostly very stupid but i just started going and didnt stopnfjejejje #my post #war and peace #asks #anons

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bladengineer · 4 years

Text

Bladebreakers: College Edition

anyone who’s already read my fics knows exactly what i’m about, so lets get straight to business about the college headcanons im about to slap yall with

also all under the cut bc this went way too long lmfao Hilary and Kenny should follow shortly bc it got really long and im just. oops

Kai is the first to go which is like. logical considering he’s the oldest and most driven out of all of them

not to mention he had the entirety of Hiwatari Corp. about to be put into his name as soon as he reached 18 and he’s just like aw man here we go

to be honest? he’s not keen on taking over the company, never has been (excluding the time where he felt obligated to under his grandfather’s influence) and the thought of actually having too just kinda. embitters him

so he gets himself sucked into the whole Business classes to get himself the necessary qualifications – and despite being bitter, he doesn’t half-ass shit so he studies on the regular

it isn't until Max wrangles him into finally giving his own interests a go and he changes his path to a History Major with a Minor in Business

he is so much happier

History, specifically Ancient History, had always been an avid interest in Kai’s books so he basically dives into his new studies with his own brand of stoic enthusiasm

its also the sole reason why he’s been amassing so many books in his personal collection at home, Hilary had implored him to buy bigger shelves after Max nearly broke his neck tripping over a loose pile

Kai likes to study alone, preferably in his private study (Tyson keeps making fun of him for having a private study at the age of 18, what are you, a grandpa? damn rich kid lmao) with soft instrumental music playing – he’s especially fond of rainy ambience music

of course, Kai is often seated at the back of the classes, but is indisputably one of the best students with very insightful and well-researched essays, naturally, most of his professors adore him

except a select few traditional-minded professors – they’re still bitter that Kai stood his ground when they had overlooked Cleopatra’s history and reduced her to the Ancient Sex Symbol and Kai was ready to cut a bitch at the blatant disrespect towards an Ancient Political Mastermind

the majority in his class has a fat crush on him but thats nothing new

Max, for a long time, had a bit of a dilemma as his parents urge him to start choosing his preferred path; was it going to be Engineering like his Mother or Mechanics like his Father, and honestly? the poor boy was so torn

in the end, he confessed he wanted to do neither – he loved Beyblade but it wasn’t something he wanted to dedicate his life to forever

instead, his heart had always belonged to the ocean and he dreams of being a Marine Biologist

his father was very supportive, while Judy had her doubts so it took a little convincing – in the end, her son’s joy was more important to her and she too gave her blessing for him to pursue his dream

Max goes on to major Zoology, directed towards marine animals, and takes up a minor in Engineering because hey, it pretty much runs in his family and it stayed an avid interest of his

his university wasn’t too far of from Kai’s own, so sometimes when he stays over at Kai’s he gets a free ride to class

he returns the gesture by always providing the best butter croissants for breakfast (they’re still warm too!)

Max usually studies in the campus library, noise-cancelling headphones on, bopping silently to whatever music he’s listening to as he reviews his notes for the next exam

he researches a lot for his topics and has collected so much trivia about the ocean and its inhabitants in general

Max: did you know jellyfishes have no brain? Kai: Max don’t bully Tyson Tyson: excuse me?

the professors love Max tbh, he’s always fully engaged within class so they usually let him get away with things mainly bc he’s just their Favourite

pretty sure half of the university knows of Max in some way or another, being a social butterfly and all and maybe having flooded the campus once by accident

Ray also had a hard time deciding what to do and what to study; being from a rural village with traditions certainly made him question wether he should pursue a modern career or stay within his community

the White Tigers were quick to kick his ass over it however, booting him straight to Kai’s doorstep and telling him to do what he feels was right for him

now, he’s managed to get himself applied to one of the prestigious university for culinary arts – he’s not too sure yet which path he wants to take in terms of culinary skill

he loves cooking and working in a kitchen, however after many work experiences he has found that working at the command of someone else wasn't exactly to his tastes, not to mention, he’d like to dabble in more traditional culinary arts

as of now, Ray particularly enjoys the sweeter side of cooking, preferring to create intricate pastries and confectionaries, often stemming from his chinese roots but also applying his skill within the japanese side of things

his homemade mooncakes are honestly to die for

next to his obvious passion for cooking, he’s also taken up classes in horticulture, mainly bc he’d love to grow his own ingredients and create his own sets of spices and various artisan products

since his career path is very labour focused, he often practices at home and takes inspiration from various chefs all around the world. his bookshelves are full of recipe books and general insightful cookbooks

Max had suggested to him to make videos of his dishes, mainly for self-improvement, but also being able to put them online to start a crowd interest for his work

its going pretty well actually, his videos have become quite popular since they are aesthetically pleasing, the food looks tasty as hell and also a wide crowd of older people have voiced their joy in seeing more traditional confectionary being made

his friends secretly love their birthdays nowadays bc without fail, Ray always gifts them homemade foods, from neat boxes of handcrafted chocolates to cute jars of sweet jams

he knows, he always takes time to create flavours he knows they will appreciate

Tyson, surprisingly, knew exactly what he wanted to do, and it wasn’t anything to do with Beyblade

Hilary: WHAT ARE YOU SICK Tyson: i- no? i just– Ray: hold on maybe he’s running a fever Tyson: would yOU GUYS JUST LISTEN–

look, he loves Beyblade, it’s something he’ll treasure all his life, something he’ll still pursue in the future, but

it won’t be what he wants to do full time

instead, he majors in Anthropology in order to pave his way into Archeology and everyone is so proud they start crying

next to his Major, he also minors in Business, mainly due to his longstanding position within the BBA, with whom he stays as a particular poster boy and star

next to his work with the BBA, he occasionally helps out in the Dojo and everyone kinda realises? that this guy is literally holding down two (2) whole jobs while also studying and if that isn't hardcore my dudes i don’t know

then again, he’s grown a lot and his interest in his father’s career had always accompanied him since he was a kid – however, his studying habits are still all kinds of atrocious and the only reason why he can even halfway ace his exams is bc he refuses to go down quietly, actually is really critical and analytical is he puts his head into it, and the fact that he employs Hilary to stand vigil with a rolled up magazine to smack him back into focus should he slack off

otherwise, he’s friends with most people in his class and regularly exchanges notes with them and even has become a favourite with a select few of his professors

most just find him exhausting but can’t refute his elaborate essays, which are both thoughtful as eyebrow raising

he attends the same university as Kai (much to his chagrin) and they stick together just as much as they bicker (one-sidedly) just like old times – however, they are both ancient history buffs and its one of the very few topics that they can be heard talking about in actual peace without Tyson going apeshit when Kai loses interest in the conversation

Tyson and Kai are also those college students who pull ridiculous all nighters to study

Max once got so nervous for an exam he made a terrifying concoction of Red Bull and Instant Coffee to stay up and study

he aced the exam but he cannot for the life of him remember what he did in those 24hours bc as soon as he went home he crashed for nearly 32hours straight

Tyson and Ray who were present at the time refuse to speak about it and when asked about it, they kinda just. disassociate for a minute at the sheer horror they had witnessed

Kai rarely ever communicates with classmates yet somehow gets always invited to all the frat parties

who are those people? he doesn’t know

#beyblade #bakuten shoot beyblade #beyblade headcanon #engineering some headcanons #bladebreakers #i low-key love those college aus only bc the amount of shenanigans they could get into #actually i should make a more extensive list about their shenanigans #bc this was literally halfway a meta about my own deductions of the characters #HM.

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apparitionism · 5 years

Text

Propagator 6

For those who aren’t acquainted with Ballet AU, I invite you to see the full story, as recounted in @notallwonder ‘s beautiful “program” for the AU—I’ve reblogged it so that it will precede this post. It all started with a manip by @amatterofcomplication, and then everything got pretty crazy. For those who ARE acquainted with it, and with Propagator in particular (it’s the ninth in a series of stories in which Helena is a ballet dancer and Myka is an engineer—my contribution to the larger AU situation), you may or may not recall, given how long ago its first five parts appeared (easily findable via search or archive on my tumblr), that previously in Propagator, Myka and Helena had gone to Hawaii, on a “honeymoon,” to deal with some issues that arose as a result of Helena’s surgery and rehab. They’re working it out.

Propagator 6

As it turns out, no one is bored—so much so that for quite some length of time, Helena doesn’t remember which side of the bed is right and which is wrong.

But as night deepens, as she now drowses on Myka’s right (and thus wrong) shoulder, she does feel a disorientation. Her own right arm had always tucked easily beneath her, on the other side; here, her left does not know how to fit itself so as not to lose all sensation. She shifts, and in response, Myka inhales, as if about to speak. “What?” Helena breathes out.

Myka offers a little shrug of her far shoulder, over in that space that is no longer Helena’s. “So I have this confession,” she says.

Disoriented physically, and now philosophically too; Helena should never be anyone’s confessor. “I absolve thee from thy sins,” she says. “Will that do, or must you tell me?”

Myka chuckles. That moves both her shoulders. “No, no, it’s not bad. Well. A little bad?” And she goes on to narrate a tale in which before they left home, she had set up an appointment. For tomorrow morning with surfers at dawn to talk about wetsuit materials and construction because she had not been sure what this trip was about and she had thought she should try to do something work-related so if nothing else they could write some of it off their taxes but of course now that she and Helena have—and Helena kisses her, for she is not ready for Myka to narrate what just happened. What their situation is now, how it differs. Leave it as difference, better difference, just for now. “You know you’ve always been training me to overexplain, when you kiss me like that if I do,” Myka says after a moment.

Helena smiles. “It’s all right. Meet your surfers. I’ll get up when you do and try the sunrise yoga class.”

“You’ll what?”

“You heard me.”

“I don’t quite believe my ears though. Have you ever done anything at sunrise other than roll over and mumble about every dwelling needing blackout curtains?”

“Set your alarm,” Helena directs, for now she is determined. Now she will get up at dawn for yoga, whatever modified version she can manage, or die in the attempt... well, no, that’s overdramatic. But it seems important to do something that Myka finds difficult to believe. To show her that anything is possible, even from Helena.

In the morning they do, however improbably, both rise at the same still-dark hour, and Helena would like to be able to say that she feels rested despite that—how romantic, to profess “I slept better than I have in months”—but that would be a lie. Practice: when Myka mumbles “Did you sleep,” Helena answers, “Not really.”

“Go try it now,” Myka suggests. “Those windows do have blackout curtains. And if you want me to cancel, I will.”

“Why would I want you to cancel?”

“You might have changed your mind.” Myka says this with a funny little note in her voice.

“Do you want me to change my mind?”

“No...” Myka says, and Helena kisses her for the hesitation; Myka amends, “But maybe yes? We don’t need the tax write-off that bad.”

The swell of love Helena feels at such a banal statement embarrasses her. It makes her push Myka away. Gently, but even so. “Go find your sunrise surfers,” she says. “Ask them why they refuse to surf at a reasonable hour.”

“Something to do with the tide? Or more likely the tourists. Which is to say, us, so in a weird way, it’s our own dumb fault.”

“Speak for yourself.”

“In my opinion, it’s our own dumb fault.” She smiles. Helena smiles back.

****

Helena finds the yoga class... instructive. This surprises her.

The morning begins misty, gray, with sea heavy in the air, there to be tasted. Breathing in and breathing out is difficult, wet work. Their group is quiet, content to watch and breathe and wait.

Then it happens: the gray gives way to an insinuation of blue, lighter, then lighter still, until everyone at once inhales; as one, they see that the blue tease has become a wash of pink, that the volcanic ridges have taken on a band of light that thickens by the second, and that that in turn is thinning the air. One state, then a perfect balance between that and what comes next, and then, like a miracle, that next. Helena’s body cannot do that anymore. She had not known it for the miracle it was, when she could do it, and for one wild moment she is possessed by the idea of taking one great inhale, flinging herself into a jeté, and suffering the consequences.

Instead she raises her arms, as directed.

Helena is no yogi; she cannot posture and breathe her way to good. But while she may not be enlightened, she is trying to be pragmatic: being mindful is likely to get her farther than not being mindful will. She is trying to be pragmatic, and she is trying to be mindful. She is also trying to breathe as instructed, to balance, and to pay salutations to the sun.

At a certain point she considers attempting trikonasana, bent over her right leg, but her daughter’s voice introduces itself into her head: “I don’t think you should do that, Mama.” That that voice should even here, even now, be her best advisor... Helena sighs and modifies the pose.

They face the water now, and the sun rises behind and beside them. A tight fold of cynicism within Helena is measuring itself against this symbol of beginning, perversely trying to match its power. In this mindful moment, cynicism’s attempt is failing.

****

“You’ll laugh,” Myka says, hours later, as she hauls her beach-damp and somewhat grumpy self back into the hotel room. She sets her similarly damp notebook down on the dining table, then fetches a towel from the bathroom. Helena watches all this with no idea why it’s meant to be funny.

“At your vain attempt to salvage your leather portfolio cover?”

“You should. My soggy notes. But actually at the fact that one of the surfers was very interested to hear about you. She herself isn’t a ballet fan, she made sure to tell me.”

“Then why—”

“But her girlfriend is. And two years ago, when we were here, they went to see you dance. On their first date.”

“Their first date.”

“I know. Even if she made it up, it’s still pretty sweet.”

“She certainly divined exactly how to get to you. I presume you’ll now be constructing for her a custom wetsuit?” Helena says this with a patina of jealousy.

Myka rejects the artifice with a shrug and a “you never know.” She had worn her hair up in a twist as a shield against the morning’s moisture; now she takes out the tie and shakes her head. The tight, wet curls suggest that the intended barrier was not respected. Myka touches her hair and sighs, presumably at her vain attempts to control any and all parts of her person and possessions, but then she begins to smile. “I might come up with something for the girlfriend. She teaches at Ballet Hawaii, a ‘Ballet Princess Camp’ for little kids, up to six years old. Junior would’ve loved it. They have ballet classes and also tea parties.”

“Tea parties? Our daughter would laugh derisively. She would have, even two years ago.”

“You’re mistaking her for you. She would’ve loved it, because it was ballet.” Myka collapses into an armchair. She closes her eyes. “Which isn’t to say she wouldn’t have criticized the quality of the tea at said parties.”

“Now you’re mistaking her for me.”

“Easier to do, every day. The both of you were all I kept thinking about, anyway... you, for obvious reasons, but also I was thinking that Junior really should learn to surf. The exhilaration—she’d lose her balance and shriek and fall right into that ocean with no fear at all and then haul that long body of hers up on the board again and love it. Or maybe she’d be perfection up there, standing all tall, and she’d decide on the spot to become a pro surfer instead of a dancer. Or she’d come face to face with a sea turtle and take up marine biology...” She trails off, cracks open an eyelid.

“Is something the matter?”

“I was sort of expecting you to kiss me to stop me talking at some point.”

Helena notes aloud that she was very recently instructed by Myka herself not to reward her for overexplaining; Myka tells her that intermittent rewards are even more effective reinforcements than expected rewards are, that this has been established by more experiments than there are stars in the sky, that they have no doubt created all kinds of behaviors inadvertently in Junior “because of this selective reinforce—” are the last syllables she manages in this overexplanation, before Helena gives in, goes to her, and leans down to kiss her.

Then Helena says, “The baby as a marine biologist, or as a surfer, that’s a bit more pleasant to consider than the primary way she was on my mind: I imagined her reprimanding me. Still, we are extremely stereotypical parents.”

“I think that isn’t true at all. Have you met us?”

“Perhaps not as people. But as parents.” Helena is sure this is true.

“Even that,” Myka disputes. “How was yoga, anyway?”

“I heeded the reprimand,” Helena says, as boast and confession, for disentangling achievements and failures is impossible.

Myka tugs on her hand. “It’s okay. You saw a sunrise.”

That afternoon, they at last go to the water together. Helena expects Myka to complain, but she does not: instead, she picks up shells; she exclaims at the sight of a goose; she even constructs a sculpture—an abstract rendering of a castle?—out of sand. Helena has no idea what it is meant to signify, but she takes a picture of Myka kneeling proudly next to it.

“Do you remember the first beach we went to?” Helena asks her strangely happy wife.

That first beach was in Oregon, on a cold November afternoon, overcast, gray and dark everywhere, a drastic contrast to today. Myka had been sullen, resistant—also marking today as a drastic contrast—but their relationship had been so new that Helena had had no way of knowing how typical that beach-related bad humor was. Helena had cajoled, and Myka had given in, but her resultant glower certainly fit with the wind and weather.

Those layers of gloom had left Helena unprepared for the jolt of beauty that was Myka against water. The wind had whipped Myka’s hair in a disastrous mess across her face, and Helena had thought herself accustomed to beauty, and to Myka, and to the way the latter embodied the former, but that sight... Myka so somber as to skirt parody, like a moody rock star posing for photographs, as she regarded the breakers and braced her body against the wind...

Helena had let her right foot perform an ecstatic little battement, with Myka’s resentful body her barre.

Myka must have felt it, for she said, “You just want to live in a ballet, don’t you?”

“You’ve never seemed to dislike the idea. Or have you forgotten how this romance began? ‘The Ballerina and Her Engineer’ may lack a full orchestral score, but—”

“I think you mean ‘The Engineer and Her Ballerina.’” Myka had shaken her curls, as if she’d known that action would strike Helena dumb, and she’d turned to look out over the ocean once again, her expression now wry rather than surly.

Helena wishes she had a photo of that moment but is glad she doesn’t. It could never have captured the shift in mood, nor the physical surge from chill to warmth that followed as Myka turned and cupped her hands over Helena’s cold-raw ears: the resultant roar seemed some right and full chorus of the sea, the fanfare of Myka’s face, and Helena’s own raucous, jubilant heart.

“You should’ve worn a hat,” Myka had whispered under the wind, a chastisement slipped into one of Helena’s sorry ears.

“I don’t have a hat,” Helena had told her, and thus it became an intimacy: “You should’ve worn a hat,” Myka would say, with slight or even no apparent provocation, and “I don’t have a hat,” Helena would answer. They did that once in front of Steve and Liam, and Steve, perplexed, asked, “Why would Helena wear a hat to go out for ice cream in the middle of August?” and Liam groaned, “Oh god, it’s code for something,” and Myka looked at Helena, and Helena looked at Myka, and they nodded at Liam, and Myka told Steve not to worry about it, that she’d said it only because Helena looked sad about having made the unfortunate discovery that her butter pecan didn’t seem to have enough pecans to suit her.

That had set Helena laughing—because it was exactly what she had discovered—and Liam always found her laughter contagious, so there they stood, on a sidewalk in the late steam of an August evening, Liam braying, Helena chortling, Steve clearly working hard to establish a conceptual link between hats and pecans, while Myka calmly ate her sugar-free ice cream, then took Helena’s disappointing cup from her and, making a deadpan point, delicately spooned the pecan pieces out of it, one by one, and ate them herself, bit by tiny bit, in a performance so lengthy that Helena had had to concede that she hadn’t looked hard enough and promised to be more diligent in the future.

“I remember that you should’ve worn a hat,” Myka says now.

“I don’t have a hat,” Helena says in response.

Myka smiles, then squints into the sun, the shine angling brighter and brighter as more and more of it moves below the ocean horizon. Tourists surround them, but Helena’s ears are filled by the waves, their sound more gentle lap than crash. A weak breeze tries and fails to persuade Myka’s hair to move.

Nearly fifteen years have passed since that first beach, but Helena is still rendered helpless by the sight of Myka against water.

****

“That was boring,” Myka says.

They are back in the suite, after their beach afternoon, followed by their first meal outside the hotel—outside the hotel room—and they have just had what Helena has to agree was spectacularly uninteresting sex.

“I’d even call it rote,” Myka now says, and she sounds overjoyed.

Helena is looking down her body at Myka’s head, halfway down the bed. They have defaulted to their traditional sides; clearly, the switch is going to take some time to become habitual.

“Just some normal night,” Myka goes on, “you with no performance, me with an early meeting...”

“Don’t tell me you have yet more surfers.”

“Okay, me with no meeting. Still, that was pretty by-the-book. Process and result.”

Helena puts her right hand into Myka’s hair. The humidity has made it spring dramatically. Myka always bemoans humidity’s effect, but Helena would never complain about the additional tangle; now, abraded by salt, it has softened, too.

They’d left the lights on. Helena can see clearly the hair she is petting, and she finds one glistening gray-white strand, then two, three. More. “So much silver...” she says. “Are those my fault?”

“As if you’re my only stressor.”

“Don’t diminish me,” Helena remonstrates, matching Myka’s tease.

“I’m not. I’m elevating Junior. You’re the one who says we’re stereotypical parents.”

“Hoist by my own. I suppose you win.”

“That’s what I like best.”

“I know you don’t like Hawaii, so thank you—again—for this. Particularly this day.” The sunrise, the water...

“I’m the fool who said I’d go wherever you wanted. You were just honest.”

Helena, lying on her back, must tilt slightly left, away from trouble. Myka, who is resting to the side of Helena’s right hip, appears now to be staring directly at the doubled scar, and Helena wonders whether she is doing that on purpose. Myka kisses the disfigurement. Conclusion: yes.

Helena anticipates a prickle of anger within herself at this aggressive proving. It doesn’t come.

Once Helena had no longer needed active assistance with wound care, she hadn’t wanted Myka to look, to see, to be reminded of the existence of the... cuts. Helena has been the one to work them, flex them, apply the mess of vitamin E serum to them. She supposes she had on some level understood that they would not go away, no matter her diligence. But she supposes also that she had on another level hoped that Myka would not notice them. Even in her head, it sounds preposterous. Yet the evidence of these few days, that Myka is not put off by her appearance, has been a relief that Helena hadn’t known she had tensed herself against never feeling.

And the absence of anger within her, now, as Myka is demonstrating that she is not put off, is yet another relief.

“It’s a rugged look,” Myka says. “I kind of like it.”

“I’m so pleased to hear that.”

“As dance damage goes, it’s actually a lot more aesthetically pleasing than your feet.”

“Pardon me for causing wear and tear to the tools of my trade.” Helena is sure that her saying of such words even a week ago would have led them to stop speaking to each other entirely. “If you engineers used slide rules these days, yours would no doubt be a sorry mess.”

“Mm. Falling apart. And I could’ve bought a new one, just like you and your hip.”

“I suspect there would have been far less rehabilitation involved. And it wouldn’t have necessitated alteration of your preferred beach attire.”

“Well, no, not when you consider that my preferred beach attire is none.”

Helena feels free to pout. “I wish you meant that the way it sounds, instead of ‘none, because I would prefer never to be near a beach.’”

“And yet here I am in Hawaii, and all day today I’ve done a reasonably good impression of somebody who’s perfectly happy to go to beaches all the time. Even with those crazy surfers.”

“Is the wetsuit situation interesting?” An instant after Helena asks, she realizes that this is the first normal, conversational question she has asked Myka about her work in a very long time. Helena doesn’t understand Myka’s work, not as it extends beyond ballet costuming, and not even that, in a structural sense; she has no real hope that she ever will. But Myka loves it. And Helena is self-centered, to be sure, but she also has made conversation with her wife for a decade and a half.

“The wetsuit situation is interesting,” Myka says, and she sounds just as overjoyed about making conversation as she did about routine intimacy. Helena feels given a gift. “Also, I forgot to mention, I fell off a surfboard.”

“I didn’t realize you would be surfing.”

“‘Surfing’ isn’t even vaguely what I was doing. But I was told that I couldn’t understand the impact unless I’d felt it myself.”

“And?”

“Surfers, it turns out, are soothsayers in the most literal sense. Because having felt it myself, I understand now that there’s a spiritual component.”

“To the impact.”

“Which I did not understand till I’d felt it. Anyway, by the end of that, my ‘perfectly happy’ impression started slipping a little. But speaking of perfectly happy, I’d be perfectly happy with you still wearing that string bikini you used to be so fond of. Perfectly happy.”

Helena feels free also to say, “I wouldn’t.”

“I see that. You could wear a wetsuit, and I’d be perfectly happy with that too. They’re going to be really great wetsuits, by the way, if they work out like I think. Way less spiritual on the impact. Pillow-soft.” She kisses at the scar site again, with just that softness, then clearly decides that she has soothed sufficiently; her tone turns jaunty. “You could always say you got ’em in a knife fight!”

“A knife fight in which my attacker gifted me with an extremely expensive metallic ball-and-socket joint?”

“Maybe it was your trophy for winning the knife fight.”

“I don’t feel as if I won the knife fight.”

Myka kisses Helena’s hip yet again. “Well, then, maybe I did.”

Some path forward: Myka won the fight.

They are almost asleep, both of them. The lag between their utterances increases.

“You did win,” Helena says.

“What I like best.” A long pause. “Also you.”

“What?”

“What I like best.”

“I do too,” Helena tells the miraculous woman who lies next to her. Lies next to her and is her wife. Is still her wife.

“What?” asks that miraculous woman, after a time.

And Helena responds, after a similar time, “You.”

****

You’d thought you were going to miss Mama and Mom so bad all the time, but you really don’t have time to miss them, except when you’re thinking about them. You’re supposed to Skype with them “at some point,” and Skyping reminds you of when Mama would be gone on tour. You and Mom would be home by yourselves, and Mom would make you a calendar for counting down the days till Mama came home, and she was almost as excited as you, every day, when you put a big X through a box to mean that day was over and you were one day closer to seeing Mama in person again. And Mom was always even more excited than you when it was time to put the big X through the last box. You almost would rather wait to talk to them until it’s time for them to come home and you’ve put your own big X through your own last box—because you’ve made your own calendar—and they’re back where they’re supposed to be.

Anyway Aunt Tracy and Sam have had lots of plans, and Uncle Liam and Uncle Steve, and Grandma and Grandpa, and you even have already had a visit with Aunt Amanda and Pete too, at the pool where Aunt Amanda was coaching and you got to swim and Pete said he was no champ like Amanda but he thought you were pretty good and you could probably be Aquawoman even though you don’t have hair as long as Jason Momoa’s. You explained that you would, maybe, by now, except for you had lice a while ago when it was going around, and Pete said that he never had lice but he almost had rabies once so you are practically disease twins.

And on top of all that there is school and ballet. You are a very busy person.

On the fourth day, you’re watching Aunt Tracy make dinner. Aunt Tracy is a very good cook—better than Mom, even, and of course Mama doesn’t know anything about cooking, but you two are exceptional at ordering delivery together, and you can’t remember whether Mama had said that to you first or you said it to her, but now you always say it to her when you’re getting the stack of menus out of the menu drawer, and she always laughs and says “That is correct, my darling daughter”—and Aunt Tracy says you can help at a certain point but not yet. She tells you to make conversation with Sam, because she doesn’t want Sam’s help at all ever.

You make conversation by asking Sam what she’s working on dancing in now, and Sam says that it’s Raymonda, and you say that Mama did that three or two years ago you think, and Sam says she knows that, because everybody keeps looking at her and shaking their heads like she’s a non-Helena-fantastic-Wells disappointment, but you don’t believe her. Then Sam asks about Mama’s rehab and is she okay with it, because she looks pretty good walking around, and you tell her about how Mama really can walk close to almost like normal but she can’t dance like normal, even though she keeps trying. Trying so hard.

Sam gets a funny look her face. “Trying so hard,” she says, and you can’t tell if she’s talking to you. Then she is talking to you; she says, “So she wants to dance.”

You give Sam the same look that your friend Esme gave you that one time when you asked if she ever wanted to eat peanut butter even though she can’t have it because she’s allergic.

“Don’t give me that look,” Sam tells you.

“What look?” you say, even though you know exactly. You also know that it was a good idea not to say “duh” to Sam like Esme had said to you, when you asked about the peanut butter.

Sam just shakes her head. “Does she really want to dance?” she asks.

“She can’t.”

“Everybody can dance, kid.”

“No she can’t. Not now.” It’s true, and Mama hates it and you hate it too, but it has to be okay, because if it isn’t, how can anything ever be okay again? And you think of a reason for maybe why it’s okay. “You know what, Sam? Mom can’t dance either. She never could.”

Now Sam smiles. “Dancing’s just another word for pineapples, a lot of the time. Dancing’s another word for a lot of things.”

You sort of give up trying to make sense of what Sam says.

Aunt Tracy says, “Shouldn’t it be that dancing represents pineapples?” and you give up there too. Then she says that she’d like you to please come and stir the curry if you can be careful and not splatter the entire kitchen with turmeric because she is not a fan of orange cabinets, and you concentrate so hard on making sure what’s in the pan stays there that you forget the whole thing.

Except for how weird it is that everybody keeps talking about pineapples for no reason.

****

Sam’s been thinking, ever since Junior talked about Helena fucking Wells wanting to dance. Thinking hard. Actually, being real, she’s been thinking hard for a while, but then Junior said it out loud... so when she and Tracy are alone in bed that night (sort of alone; Sam hadn’t ever had to consider how a kid snoozing one room away basically means never being alone) she takes her hard thinking and tries to put it on a plate. “So I have this... I don’t know. Sort of an idea. It’ll probably fuck everything up worse.”

Tracy tilts her head against Sam’s. “Sounds great so far.”

Sam can hear a half-smile in that, but she forges ahead anyway. “I want you and the kid to meet a guy I know.”

“That doesn’t seem bad at all.”

“He’s a choreographer.” Sam figures that might on its own be enough to initiate the fuck-up.

“Of...?”

Okay, apparently not quite. “Modern, mostly. He was a dancer himself, forever ago, but he started choreographing because of his mom. She was a dancer, but then she lost a leg. And his deal was that she should keep dancing.”

“Did she?”

“Nah. Wouldn’t. Sad fucking situation. But anyway he’s really interested in befores and afters. Of bodies.”

“I don’t quite get it,” Tracy says.

This annoys Sam. Why would Tracy be dense about this? “My point is, you’re smart and you’ll know how to talk to him.”

“Talk to him about what?”

Could she be doing this on purpose? “I swear to god. About Helena fucking Wells! How is that not obvious?”

“But why would you want me to... wait. He’s a choreographer. Interested in befores and afters of bodies?”

Thank god. “Right. Basically. I mean it’s way more fucking complicated than that. I danced for him this one time, as a favor, and I swear to god he would not shut the fuck up about the reason for this and the reason for that. The best fucking thing about ballet is that as long as your lines are right, nobody gives much of a fuck about reasons, so if you—”

Tracy commands, “Sameen, stop,” and Sam does. Then Tracy asks, “Are you really saying that you think he should work with Helena? Make something for her... her, now? That he would want to?”

Sam would hate that she responded so immediately to such a command, if it had come from anybody else, but she never seems to have any choice about these reactions to Tracy. And she doesn’t hate it. So what else could she have done? “No. I’m saying that I think you and Junior should meet him first so you can tell me if she’d baseline want to kill him. If you think he’s one of those people like me, who she instantly hates. I mean I can tell you up front, he’s nothing like me. Except he’s short. Really fucking short.”

“Short like you? That is really short.” Tracy’s tone is muse-y, flirty, and it drives Sam crazy.

“Shut up,” she says, pointlessly. “Are you gonna meet him or not?”

Tracy kisses her. And it’s in that intense thank-you way, so Sam is fairly happy with the initial result of the idea. She wonders how Tracy might kiss her if this thing manages to work out somehow. Maybe, if Helena dances, Sam and Tracy can go to Hawaii themselves on some post-Helena-fucking-Wells-is-dancing-again honeymoon.

Sam wants to smack herself for even starting to think the thought that any of this might actually happen—the working out somehow, the dancing, the honeymooning. She tells herself she’d better shut that thought down right fucking fast.

But not before she thinks about it just a little more.

TBC

****

Reblogging notallwonder’s astonishingly lovely program led me to reflect on the remarkable constellation of talents and enthusiasts who’ve made up the Bering and Wells community over these several years. That history has been on my mind lately, due to a dustup on Twitter. It’s a good reminder to say over here, out loud, that I remember it and value it and am so grateful to have been, and to continue to be, a part of it at all.

#bering and wells #Warehouse 13 #fanfic #Propagator #part 6 #Ballet AU

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nerdy-bookworm-1998 · 5 years

Text

Heart of the Ocean part 3

Pairing: Mer!Bucky x Selkie!Steve x Reader Words: 1245 Warnings: Injured Bucky and mention of naked Steve, if I missed anything please let me know so that I can fix it A/N: If you would like to be tagged in future chapters/works please feel free to send me an ask and please leave feedback/reblogs. Also feel free to check out my ko-fi and patreon accounts, links are available in my bio.

Steve and Y/N sat on the beach, watching the dark shape swiftly swimming towards them. Soon a dark head appeared above the water, swiftly followed by a tanned, muscled torso and a powerful blue tail that glittered silver in the light. Y/N tried to pull her hand from Steve's grasp, not wishing to offend his mate, but Steve's grip held firm.

The merman, Bucky, she remembered Steve saying, scowled angrily when he saw their intertwined hands and bared his teeth in a hiss. Y/N cowered into herself as much as she could, looking at her feet in the surf to avoid his eyes.

"Bucky!" Steve said sharply causing the merman to stop hissing at the woman and instead stare at his mate incredulously. Steve stared back in a mix of exasperation and adoration.

"Sorry..." Bucky mumbled as he dragged himself out of the water to snuggle into Steve, his tail covering the blond's grey fur tenderly.

"It's okay," Y/N replies softly before all three of them fell silent, enjoying the sound of distant waves crashing against rock.

After a few minutes, Bucky turns to ask a question, however as he opens his mouth he lets out a startled gasp of pain. Instantly two pairs of eyes, one cerulean blue, the other y/e/c, turn to him in worry. That is when they notice the deep gash in the young merman's side, blood slowly trickling from it in a stream. "Ow," he mutters as he pokes at it.

"Buck, why didn't you tell me you'd gotten hurt?" Steve's voice was a mix of anguish and anger, anguish that his mate had gotten hurt, and anger at whoever had the gall to lay a finger on his Bucky.

"Gee, I don't know. Maybe because I didn't realize I had until now?" Bucky said sarcastically while rolling his eyes.

"That looks really painful," Y/N said causing both men to jump in surprise and Bucky to wince as the movement pulled at his wound; they had not heard her move until she spoke from Bucky's other side. She wanted to reach out and inspect it, but did not want to offend the brunet who had helped rescue her so she refrained. Instead she said, "I don't know much about merfolk, and I don't have any of my usual tools with me, but I do know a fair bit about plants and herbal healing. If you'll allow me, may I bind it for you with a paste that will help with the healing process without leaving scars?" She chewed on her bottom lip pensively as Bucky eyed her with suspicion.

Finally he heaved a sigh and asked, "What would you need?"

Y/N could have jumped for joy, but instead, she tamped down her giddiness to answer him, "I already see most of the herbs I need, but I do require seaweed and fresh water."

"I can get the seaweed, but I don't know where to find the fresh water," Seve said, trying to be helpful.

"The boat I was on, there was a large container of fresh water on it. As far as I could tell, I was just a half-mile north of the coral reefs. I'm not sure if the boat would still be there but it's worth a try," Y/N tells Steve with a smile.

"I know exactly where it is, we were going to explore it this morning before we found you. I'll be back as soon as I can," Steve started pushing himself back into the water when Bucky caught his arm and pulled him in for a searing kiss which had Y/N looking away so she would not intrude on their private moment while heat flooded her cheeks.

Moments later she heard the splash of Steve returning to the water. Bucky cleared his throat before asking conversationally, "Why the freshwater? Why not just use ocean water?"

"Because the salt in the ocean water will burn the wound and cancel out the healing effects of the herbs," y/n explained patiently as she started to get up to gather the herbs she would need.

Bucky waited until she was back with the herbs before asking cautiously, "You mentioned tools earlier, what is it exactly that you do with them?"

"I'm a marine biologist and aquatic veterinarian. I study the ocean and its inhabitants, and I also take care of them when they are sick or injured then release them back into the ocean when they are healthy again," she said with a small smile. Sure many of the people in her life hadn't understood her love and passion for the ocean and didn't think that her job was important, but nothing gave her greater joy than nursing a sick or wounded animal back to health and seeing it swim off into the sunset.

"You don't hurt them?" Bucky asks, trying desperately to mask the hope in his voice. Y/N simply shakes her head.

Now that she had gotten all the herbs she realized that she didn't have a mortar and pestle. She did, however, see a tree bearing coconuts and a longish stone that she could use. She was so intent on picking a coconut that she did not hear Steve's return, nor the sound of him shedding his tail. It was only when she felt his solid, warm chest at her back as he reached up for the very fruit she had been trying to reach that she turned around in shock and...oh, he was completely naked...

She quickly averted her eyes, taking the coconut from his outstretched hand with a soft "Thank you," before she returned to the beach where Bucky was waiting with a thoroughly amused smirk painting his features.

Steve had managed to find the container she had mentioned and thankfully it was not leaking so she knew that there had not gone any saltwater into it. After breaking open the coconut and scooping out its contents, she meticulously prepared the herbs by mixing them with a small amount of water and coconut flesh and grinding it into a paste with the stone. Then she gently applied it onto the wound and wrapped it tightly with the seaweed while both men watched her work with wonder in their eyes.

They spent the rest of the afternoon trading stories and getting to know one another better after Steve had (thankfully) pulled his tail back on. Once Y/N had fallen asleep on the sand, exhausted from the day's events, Steve and Bucky sat discussing what they would do next. It was clear from the stories the young woman told them that she was alone, without any friends or family nearby that would miss her. They knew that they had to take her back to her home, but they didn't want to leave her side; she had crept into their hearts in less than a day with her kindness and tender heart. Finally, they decided that it was something that they should discuss with her in the morning.

As they lay together on the beach with their tails in the water and Steve cuddled into Bucky's arms Bucky thought to himself that Steve had been right, there was something very special about this girl and he would go to the ends of the earth to protect her, but neither she nor Steve needed to know that just yet. And with that thought, he drifted off to sleep, a smile on his face and peace in his soul.

Tags:

@mcdesij @spiderrrling @arrow-guy @interestedbystanderwrites @caplansteverogers @gwendelerynan @lukebalehiddleston @here2have-fun @bvckys-doll @bookscoffeeandracoons @bambamwolf87 @loricameback @rockrchick51 @love-nakamura @moisoverennyi-thestarlessone @baebeepeach @timelordy-fangirl2 @jewelofwinter @caramell0w @jewels2876 @ladysergeantbarnes @notawritergettingtherethough @patzammit @fanfictionjunkie1112 @lumar014

#heart of the ocean #marvel #mermaid au #soulmate au #stucky #stucky x reader #steve rogers #steve rogers x bucky barnes #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #selkie!steve rogers #merman!bucky barnes

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juuniper-com · 3 years

Text

Finding my interests from morally questionable characters

#like for instance: i kind of want to be a surgeon #but i also want to be a marine biologist so it cancels out #plus ion think surgeon is a good job for me and its a lot of work

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7wanderingpaws · 6 years

Text

3. OCEAN'S DEPTH.

Genre: marine biologist AU

Pairing: Bambam x reader

Word count: 2.2K

0. Synopsis // 1. Whales // 2. Dolphins. // 3. Ocean's depth.

(( I apologise for the long wait, it was not planned at all. Uni is in full swing, I am in my final year so the thesis writing is giving me a little headache. I hope this part will still be somehow enjoyable! Please let me know your thoughts! ))

- - - OCEAN'S DEPTH - - -

You were tapping your foot against the warm pavement the next day in the docks. The weather was still shiny, pleasant and ever so welcoming.

You were supposed to have a good mood, considering all of these aspects.

You felt like a piece of a rotten tuna tin.

Exactly like rotten tuna tin, whatever it was supposed to mean.

"Where is he?!" you shouted angrily to your two colleagues who were looking bored and kept murmuring among each other, snickering quietly.

"Calm down," said Jaebeom and pressed the side button on his iPhone to check the time. He pushed it back into his back pocket of his jeans. "His late just 15 minutes."

Jackson laughed in disbelief. "Just 15 minutes."

You glued your strict stare at the cheerful man and he just shook his head, not bothering to talk to you more.

"Well, if he isn't coming in five more minutes, we are leaving."

"But boss, even if we leave in five minutes we will still be there 30 minutes early," replied Jaebeom in a diplomatic tone.

Jackson snickered again.

You sighed, combing your hand through your already messy hair. "Are you making fun of me? Do you think this is funny?"

"No, not at all, " replied Jaebeom, coughing away his giggle.

"Look, " you started, holding your hand out." You can think whatever you want to, but the fact is that we should be there a little bit earlier to make sure everything goes smoothly. As you can see, this duck head is late anyway. This is why we have to be there a little bit earlier."

"A little bit, " mumbled Jackson to himself.

Jaebeom started to laugh loudly, not bothering to hold back anymore.

As much as you liked to see your forever cold and reserved colleagues laugh, you did not appreciate it one bit at the moment.

" Shut up, Jackson, " you snapped. " You don't let me breathe even for a little while right? You always have to push me down."

He looked at your hurt face and before he could argue in any possible way, from the distance you hear rushed steps and a very tired looking Bambam. He was trying to adjust his bag on his shoulder as his hair was a big mess.

"I'm here! I'm coming! Oh, thanks for waiting for me!" he breathed as he finally arrived.

"Good." You turned around and marched forward towards the kindergarten that you hated so much at the moment. Youngjae was going to pay a big price for letting his mouth talk so much.

If Jackson were a dog, he would have his ears pressed to the sides of his head, his tail between his legs and lowered head. There wasn't a minute when you wouldn't fight these days despite how hard and cold you both were to each other.

He still wouldn't tell you what was pissing him off so much about you and you certainly didn't want to ask about that kind of thing. This way you were aware you were annoying him and that was more than enough.

You all made your way to the kindergarten and to your pleasure, you were quickly ushered in, the kids already waiting.

"Soon is never soon enough, Dr Im," you muttered to Jaebeom. Before he could retort something too sophisticated for you, you turned quickly to your team, mostly focusing your attention to your two colleagues rather than Bambam who was smiling the whole time as he was observing the kids' drawings. "Alright, we literally have like five minutes to discuss whose gonna talk about what-"

"Y/N," you heard your name. Youngjae's mum was standing next to you, her frame tall and her facial features kind. "I'm afraid you will have to go in now. The kids are waiting and they are restless."

"Yes but-"

"Alright, then there is no time to waste!" shouted Bambam, suddenly paying attention and soon he was entering the little hall kids had there for their performances.

Jackson snickered as he followed Jaebeom and BamBam. "So much for authority, huh."

A tiny growl escaped your lips, startling you. Damn. Now the game was on. You would ruin Jackson for sure.

The kids greeted you politely, most of them curiously looking at the blonde haired Bam.

While Jaebeom looked uncomfortable and seemed like dying inside from the attention, Jacskon was also naturally swayed with the kids as he was smiling brightly, waving at them.

"Everyone, let me introduce you these marine biologists," started Youngjae's mother, her voice a pleasant baritone. "Dr Y/N is The leader of the marine research institute here in Mokpo and Dr Jackson and Dr Jaebeom are her colleagues, great experts. Dr Bambam is a world famous marine biologist from Thailand so make sure to treat him with respect."

"Are we considered trash next to him?" muttered Jackson as he had his bright smile plastered on his face.

You bumped your elbow into his ribs quite hardly which made him wince with surprise. He widened his eyes at you, but you had a stern look already focused on the wall opposite you.

"Now I will let our biologists take over the talking and please participate actively!"

Youngjae's mum nodded at you with a supportive smile and you made sure to thank kindly before reaching for the microphone. "Hello, everyone! I'm Y/N and I would like to start with a question for all of you. Please raise your hands if you want to talk, alright?" you asked with a thumb up but when you didn't get any feedback you laughed awkwardly. "Alright! So, what do you understand under marine biology or marine research?"

You had a weird feeling these questions were not exactly meant for such a young audience as these four-year-olds who barely knew their mother's name but you were serious about doing your job professionally.

One little boy in the front row raised his hand shyly. "I think you work with dolphins."

You swayed your head from side to side. "Yes, could be also."

"That's totally true!" exclaimed Bambam. "And you know what? Let me tell you something that I'm sure you didn't know about whales." The way he was talking made kids much more interested compared to the poker faces they were giving you.

"The whales are these veeery big animals, right?" asked Bambam, motioning with his hands. "We also call them mammals.They can be much bigger than this whole kindergarten! And the important thing to know about them is that their poop is needed for the ocean's ecosystem."

You snapped your head to Bambam, not liking the direction he was going. On the other side Jaebeom and Jackson were also listening as intently as the kids.

"So how exactly does this work, hm? Well, when the whales poop it's really big and can create a big mess." Kids started to laugh, supported by Bambam. "Their poop contains lots of important microscopic creatures that are beneficial for other fish! For instance, phytoplankton is a crucial part of the ocean's ecosystem and some underwater animals live off of it."

"Eeeeeeeeew," kids whined but laughed loudly, scrunching up their noses.

BamBam laughed too, extremely pleased with himself. Jackson and Jaebeom had a light grin, also liking the playful way Bam introduces whale's poop.

"Another thing we have to watch out for are coral reefs," started Jackson his part. The k god it was an appropriate topic. "Do you know what are coral reefs right?"

There was a lady sitting by with a laptop who screened pictures on the big wall so the kids could see. She typed quickly into Naver search engine the keywords and all of you were met with colourful fish and massive corals. It made you smile right away and Jackson went up to the picture and tried to simplify the information about the coral reefs.

“They are extremely endagered. You know Nemo, right? Well, he also lives in these coral reefs. However, Nemo cannot cope with warm water. That is what causes these reefs to die out - warmed up temperatures.”

All of you continued with your presentations, trying to engage children as much as possible and at the end having a nice little quiz (with a rewarding present too!).

Jaebeom was breaking jokes about sea horses that you tried not to cringe about but thanks to Bambam, he supported every idea. It almost seemed like he knew only the silly stuff and not the important information.

After you were finished, you stopped Bam on your way out, so that Jackson and Jaebeom wouldn't hear you.

"Can we go diving today?" you spilled.

If Bambam was surprised, he didn't show it. Instead a signature smile spread across his face. "Well of course , boss. But I made a reservation at this five star restaurant you have in this little town so I will go there first."

You sighed, trying not to show your frustration. "Look. You shouldn't eat before diving especially not with the depth of our diving. Secondly, I thought you came here to help, not try all these so call five star restaurants."

BamBam laughed, tapping your shoulder. "should I cancel because of you, Y/N?"

"Exactly my idea," you smiled, walking past him.

He was quick to grab your hand though. "How will you refund me this loss?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"Well, you know how important I hold my luxury living. Since I'm going to sacrifice it for you, I hope it will be rewarding at least." His hand trailed over your arm, teasing you.

By now you knew better than to take his ideas seriously. "Well, heated kissing under the water, how does that sound."

Bam laughed tapping you shoulder. "Good enough, girl, good enough."

You couldn’t believe your own words. Your own mouth. Your own tongue. heated kissing under the water?! There was a sudden urge for you to slap yourself as you were heading to the docks to meet Bambam. How on earth could be this cheesy?

You knew Bam was not serious half of the time and even though he did tell you some good things about the marine biology and how to lead this entire expedition, there was just something slightly off. Whenever someone had a really professional question, he would suddenly go quiet, dissing the question with a simple answer that didn’t really add to your knowledge.

When you entered the docks with all your equipment, you were surprised to find him already there. He seemed deep in thought, his uniform already on.

You paused for moment, thinking what to do.

Set your goals straight...

There was no doubt you needed this guy for you to find the creature. He had all the knowledge. Apparently...

“How was it when you found out people know you?” you walked towards him, a challenging smile on your burned face. “And why would you talk about whale poop anyway.”

Bambam smirked as he turned towards you, his full attention now on you. “How else do you want to get the kids attention if not with something silly.”

“Good for you it was a true fact what you said,” you replied, putting on your swimming gear.

“I only say things that are true,” he murmured, eyeing you up.

A blush creeped up into your cheeks as you zipped up the uniform on your back. You both checked whether the equipment you had was prepared for the dive. “I sure hope so.”

“So the kissing part,” he started.

You held out your hand quickly. “Stop right there. I didn’t mean any of that.”

“And here I thought you liked me.”

“I do,” you said without thinking and immediately closed your mouth in pure shock. What did you just say?!

“You do?” he asked, his eyes full of hope.

You blinked a few times, hiding behind one of the oxygen bombs. “What? I mean I like the weather today.”

Bambam burst out into fit of laughters. “You are actually super cute, you know that? You play all this hardly approached girl but you are such a softie.”

“That is some good load of whale poop,” a doubtful laughter was the only thing you could let out. “Anyway, let’s go already. It’s gonna be super dark in a few.”

“Yes, that’s the point of night diving.”

As you walked passed him, you turned sharply, facing him. “Listen, Bambam. Whatever it is you are thinking, stop it. And just so you know, I have my eyes on you.”

He wiggled his eyebrows at you, obviously not taking you seriously but you just sighed and headed towards the little stairs leading into the water. It wasn’t until you reached the edge and you slipped on it that you felt his hands around your waist. You yelped feeling him pulling you backwards. It made him slip almost as well but he managed to keep a strong stance making sure you are steady.

You stayed like that for a few more seconds before your heart beat could simmer down to a normal rate. Slowly turning around, you saw Bambam’s gentle face. His eyes were already on you when you met his gaze. His hand reached out and slowly pushed your messy hair out of your face before his index finger slipped under your chin, sending goosebumps down your spine.

You didn’t realise you were holding your breath until his face was inching closer to yours.

Oh no.

What was he doing?!

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