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#but how i got here is unhealthy
catastrxblues · 4 months
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NOTTING HILL (1999) | "i live in notting hill. you live in beverly hills. everyone in the world knows who you are, my mother has trouble remembering my name."
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blueish-bird · 10 months
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Denji is either:
a. willing to sacrifice his own comfort/barriers in order to save his loved ones (bummer interpretation, makes me sad)
b. deconstructing his comphet (more enjoyable interpretation; happy pride month!)
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nateezfics · 7 months
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Leaving this here and running away like the menace I am.
you just leave me in ruins like this huh 🥲
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gibbyslounge · 11 months
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things im still not over (as someone who was mostly inactive since mid 2021):
mask and change my clothes!! i dont think i was active on tumblr when change my clothes was released, but the way i ascended when i heard his soft sweet singing voice <33 mask is my favorite song of his and it still makes me emotional to think about what the song meant to him. his creativity is one of his greatest strengths and i am endlessly happy that he found a way to share more of himself in a way that he really enjoys
DREAM TEAM MEETUP tbh i really did not know if these days would ever come. its so so so crazy to think that florida man dream texas cowboy sapnap and british george are really all living together and existing in the same space. seeing them be THEM irl is still very surreal and makes me pause for a second without fail. so so much of the community centered around them not having met each other irl
DREAM FACE REVEAL!!!! this one i REALLY HONESTLY didnt know if it would ever come, just because the courage it takes to face reveal after building one of the largest audiences is fucking crazy. i thought that even if they did end up living together, dream might’ve found that he is happy to just be with them and not want to face reveal anymore. ig never doubt dream- he’s such a “go big or go home” type of person. i love him regardless but now he is also a big bear who wears cat beanies and has the prettiest eyes and im emotionally attached
dream pics before his face reveal with a big emphasis on suit pics, swt halloween, and strawberry dream. his white hoodie posey pose and the ones with the blanket and patches have a permanent home in my heart but these had me convulsing and i didnt get to gush about them here </3
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wisyhana · 4 months
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Just came to say love Irateshipping, love to see someone talking about it, thank you for existing 💞
Heyaaaa glad to see more people enjoying it!
I don't know if you saw my first comic of them so I think I gotta clarify it once again, I'm not looking at this ship as a healthy one. In fact I don't think the way I portrait it counts as a ship, since is definitely no mutual affection or consent from Jonouchi's part.
I'm using irateshipping to explore more of the possessive side of Marik. So it's gonna contain a lot of manipulation and violence from his side. Poor Jou.
Hope this doesn't stop you from enjoying the upcoming comics hahahaa. And if does I'm sorry 💦
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livingforthewhump · 8 months
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surprise i’m still active kakfkdjgjgj
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r0semultiverse · 8 months
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What if the women in those relationships were the toxic ones?
Then I hope whoever was dating the toxic women in these relationships and saw the Barbie movie together also leave their asses. 💜 I’m pretty sure I said something about that in the tags, but if not then I’ll clarify this here.
If seeing the Barbie movie with a toxic partner makes you realize that you deserve better, then I hope you leave that toxic relationship safely and get on with your life in a healthy way! 💜
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lith-myathar · 1 month
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#so#here is the thing#when you've spent most of your life in a very happy relationship with fantasy#the idea of having a relationship in *reality*#well that may not be very happy. might result in feeling like your heart got ripped out your asshole. but even ignoring that#suddenly the amorphous idea of a partner (which can be anything) takes the shape of an actual person#which can very much only be one thing. this feels like doors closing. feels like getting trapped#part of the difficulty here is that i have difficulty not thinking in the long term (this is a defense mechanism apparently) so#even allowing the possibility of being with someone feels confining#because what if the reality is painfully disappointing (like everyone keeps telling me it will be#bc nothing can measure up to the fantasy) and then im trapped between a lifetime of disappointment and breaking somebody's heart#like. fantasy and Yearning leave one empty to a degree but they've kept me *alive*#and how could the reality ever have that same emotional high while also being Safe and in control#also it doesn't hurt anybody#my over the top desire for intensity feels like something nobody's ever going to want to match. too big. too much. unhealthy prolly#even if they did it wouldn't necessarily be a good thing#so. better maybe to quarantine myself to fantasy.#the Rewards of Being Loved tho. i want those.#realistic and rational part of me knows that Those are the Real Good Healthy Thing that will help the pain#but damn if im not attached to my little pet torments#what if i don't want to be healed? does suffering and trauma just sort of get you addicted to the intensity of emotion and then you're jus#chasing that forever? is anything healthy ever going to feel like Enough???#like how do you just ask somebody ''hey do you want to crawl inside each other's rib cages and take everything way too fucking seriously#so we can attempt to maintain a perpetual state of Desire and the subsequent altered state of consciousness until we both die?''#''but in like a chill way?''#like that's *insane*#im insane. is there any way to have both???#ugh. anyway. don't get crushes this sucks.
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drewsaturday · 3 months
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my motur experience is just about pairing lyn with as many freaky guys as possible. she did it to herself by trying to fuck skeletor, and beastman's gone. so joking about dragonfucking and weird orko chemistry is all i have left.
i know pairing her with teela isn't ~allowed~ because god forbid it be problematic with the context of past separate iterations instead of recognizing them as the adults they are in this show's context! oh no!
but i also think it's worth noting her preference for reptiles with granamyr translating over to training snake priestess teela lol.
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neeturnal · 6 months
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i'm actually so stressed about money it's not even a joke like oh my god
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irregularbillcipher · 9 months
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was going through old files and found the start of a resident evil village fic... idk if i'll ever finish it, so here's the start for posterity. maybe i'll finish it someday if there's any interest warnings for descriptions of animal harm, gore and surgery, along with some emotional abuse also also, if anyone here speaks french and would be willing to tell me if the tiny bit of french in here sounds correct, i'd appreciate it! i went through a few channels that were more advanced than google translate, but i don't speak the language myself and didn't really have any way to verify
Salvatore Moreau was a very good doctor. At the very least, his mother had always said so.
                To be fair, she wasn’t the only one who said so, but she was always the one who was the most adamant about it, even before he could speak.
                Stories fed to him when he could barely hold his head up of his grandfather, his namesake, who had left Italy for France to study under the Louis Pasteur— or at his university, at least— and Salvatore had learned by age two and a half that he should always pretend that he understood why that was a big deal.
                By age four, he really did understand why that was such a big deal, and by age five, after lengthy stories from his mother of his grandfather’s most gruesome surgical endeavors and hints that his namesake had been prepping since he was half Salvatore’s age, he had started performing medical experiments of his own, shaking, pudgy hands rifling through his father’s tackle box, taking out the worms and insects, using a hook to open them up and see how they ticked.
                His father never liked it, seeing the boy tear his bait apart on the docks of the reservoir, but his mother was thrilled, and tutted away his father’s concerns.
                “It’s a surgeons instinct,” she would coo, pressing a kiss against the boy’s cheek and placing a needle and thread in tiny hands, so he could stitch everything back together. “I just want him to have a head start. He’ll need hands-on experience before he goes to Paris!”
                “Of course,” his father would say, never one for arguments, “but couldn’t we stick to creatures that are already dead?”
                “He’ll have plenty of time to work on cadavers in school,” she would retort, and sometimes the discussion would become a bit more tense, a back and forth babble of French and Italian that Salvatore could make out if he focused, but rarely bothered to focus on. The Italian always won, anyway.
                “Just…” he would finally hear in tired French, “nothing that feels. Nothing more than bait… Nothing with fur, or a real brain…”
                And Salvatore was happy to agree with that— bigger things would squirm or scream, and he didn’t like to feel like he was hurting anything. He was practicing being a doctor, he wasn’t trying to cause harm.
                But by age seven, his mother started handing her little surgeon field mice and toads from the lake, speaking breathlessly about how his grandfather had once amputated a leg in five minutes flat, and he knew she wanted him to try to do it in four.
                A mouse’s leg was so much thinner, after all.
                She was ecstatic when one of his tiny patients finally survived the night, and had gleefully told him that his father wouldn’t have to know they were expanding their medical practice.
                “He’s a sweet man, your father, a good man,” she would say, with genuine fondness, patting her son’s cheek, “just…not ambitious. We both want you to be the best you can be, tesoro, we just don’t agree on how to get you there…”
                And Salvatore wasn’t sure how he felt about her dismissing his father— he seemed happy with his life, after all— but it was hard to act as if he was living up to his potential.
                He was sure, after all, that when his father had told his mother he had a Lordship waiting for him if his family ever returned to Romania, she was not expecting the man to remain a fisherman after he had accepted it. A Lord usually made more of himself.  
                When he asked his father though, on one of the quiet, early morning boat trips he took his boy on so often, the man had simply laughed quietly.
                “A Lordship is just a title, Salvatore,” he’d said, wrapping another blanket around the boy’s shoulders— Salvatore always forgot how chilly the morning mist on the boat was, and his father always kept spare wool blankets by the tacklebox, so the boy wouldn’t have to remember. “I’m sure some old Moreau was great some hundred-odd years ago, or at least found a way to make some money somehow, but it doesn’t mean much nowadays. A bit of land, a crest…”
                “A boat,” the boy had giggled, kicking the bottom of the old thing, and his father had laughed.    
“No, no, the boat I built.”
                Salvatore had squirmed a little, confused, hands gripping his fishing rod. “We… we owned a reservoir, but not a boat?”
                And the man had chuckled again. “Your brains come from your mother’s side of the family, mon chou. Not the Moreau side, even if someone long ago managed to be great on a reservoir without a boat.”
                “Well. You were smart enough to build a boat.”
                The man had hummed softly and nodded in humble agreement, standing up to cast his line out again.
                “… So if we’re Lords here,” the boy continued, gnawing on dirty fingernails, “why did you ever live in France?”
                “Well, we have family there, of course,” his father had said, chewing on his cigarette, eyes glued to the lake, “but it was mostly the weather.”
                “… Your family gave up being Lords because of the weather?”
                “We’re cold-blooded creatures, us Moreaus,” his father had whispered conspiratorially, piling another blanket on the shivering boy and sticking out his tongue when he snorted. “We do better where it’s temperate.”
                “But it’s still cold here. It’d be nicer in France. Or Italy.”
                “Hm, it is, but your mother’s enough of a firecracker to keep anyone warm,” the man had said, half exhausted and half lovestruck, and Salvatore really couldn’t argue with that. “And besides. She liked the idea of being a Lady… found it romantic, you know.”
                The boy had nodded again, kicking his legs and reeling in experimentally, just to see if he could catch any fish’s attention. It didn’t work.
                “But there’s no expectation for you,” his father had said, tugging on his own line. “There’s no, ah… role you have to play, because of my family.”
                “Mama says being a doctor would be be-befitting of a Lord.”
                “And it would be if that’s what you’d like,” he’d said, patting his son’s shoulder. His jaw had set, just a little, and Salvatore regretting bringing it up. “We both want you to be happy, Salvatore, we just—”
                “Don’t agree on how to get me there,” he’d finished quietly.
                “No, we don’t,” the man was reeling his line in now, having felt a tug. “But nobody does, really, for anybody. Ready with the net now.”
                The boy had nearly dropped his own pole in the water in the rush to get the net for what ended up being a much smaller than average fish, but his father never chided him for that sort of thing.
                Despite his mother’s aspirations, stories of how his parents met never included the Lordship.
                “We met at the market,” his mother would say dreamily, whenever her son asked. “He tried to sell me a tiny trout for three francs…”
                “And?” Salvatore would always prompt giddily, despite knowing how the story went.
                “And I told him that for that price, I’d better get it fully cooked with wine and dessert… and he was happy to do it.”
                “The dinner,” his father would always add from his armchair, “was more than three francs—”
                “And the trout was very good,” she would concede, kissing him on the cheek and patting his arm as he blushed furiously.
                “Was it worth it?” Salvatore would ask his father, as if he didn’t already know the answer, as if he weren’t essentially reciting a script, and he was never surprised when mother would reply instead.
                “Was a wife worth three francs?”
                “I think I could have spent less on the dinner if I’d thought it through more,” his father would always say, smiling the whole time.  “But the date was well worth the seven francs I spent.”
                There were many stories like that, back and forth skits of things his mother had already told him— everything from his grandfather’s most harrowing surgical endeavors to the hectic day that he was born— but the day his parents met was always his favorite. It was the one they seemed the happiest to tell, the one they always remembered new details of.
                His mother would always tell him later, while tucking him in, that she would have insisted on dinner with his father even if he’d charged a single centime for the trout, because her demand for dinner and wine hadn’t really had anything to do with the trout itself, and his father would always tell him the next morning on the boat that he’d deliberately overcharged for the trout just to have an excuse to haggle with a pretty girl, which had worked out far better than he ever could have imagined.
                “So, it was love at first sight?” he would ask them both, without fail.
                “Of course it was, tesoro,” his mother would sigh, brushing his hair out of his eyes and taking off his glasses, setting them on his bedside table. “Why else would I have made him take me to dinner?”
                His father would always be asked the next morning, back on the boat, and he would breathe air out of his nose and smile softly, shaking his head.
                “I wouldn’t call it that, Salvatore… love takes time, work, you know? It’s a… process,” he would say, baiting his hook. “But I knew I wanted to know her better.”
                Salvatore decided from an early age that he liked his mother’s answer best, but he never said so, at least not to his father on those frigid, foggy mornings.
                “He changes the story, doesn’t he?” his mother would ask, needle and thread and a rabbit bundled into her arms, and he would relay the conversations on the lake, to drown out the rabbit’s screams. To stop his hands from shaking.
“No,” he would say, hoping to avoid the inevitable. This was another script, but one he liked much less, and it was hard to recite his lines when his hands were slick with viscera.
 “He doesn’t say it was love at first sight,” she would sigh, looking intently at her son’s handiwork.
                “He says love takes time,” he would say, wrist deep in gore, “and work.”
                “So it takes work to love me, does it?” and the teasing note in her voice would never be enough to stop his queasiness from building.
                “No,” he’d say over the rabbit’s screeches, or mouse’s, or the toad’s, “of course not.” And his voice would quaver even though he’d mean it.
                She never noticed the hesitancy, and he was glad, because the minute his patient was stitched up, that nervous note in his voice would wash over him in a wave of shame. He’d shake and snivel after every procedure, and he was convinced it had to be because of that hesitancy over the woman convincing him to tear apart the local fauna, and not the act of tearing them apart. He refused to entertain the idea it could be a little of both.
                Her son’s trembling was something she could not ignore, and she’d take his hands, still dripping from surgery, still pudgy with baby fat, and smile softly. “A surgeon’s hands,” she’d sigh, squeezing. “You’ve done such a good job, Salvatore, you have a surgeon’s hands.”
                It was almost enough to make him feel better.
                “Now, let’s get you cleaned up before your father sees.”
                That was what really made him feel better, at the end of the day, wiping off the gore. He tried not to think about it too much. There wasn’t much use for a squeamish surgeon.
                Even as he got older, as his hands started to shake less, as he learned how to quiet the animals’ screams and as he developed an appreciation—or at least a fascination—with the work his mother was pushing him towards, he was still relieved every time he got to clean his hands and be done with it.
                He was ten when his father found him, halfway between the makeshift surgical center and the lake, rushing to dip sopping red hands in murky water. His father had looked at him, hunched over and bloody and crying, and his face had gone gray, and he’d docked the boat and headed up to their house without a word.
                The din in the house started almost immediately and for once, the French overpowered the Italian.
                He tried not to listen, as he scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed and tried to drown out the noise, washing until his hands were sore to try to feel clean, to avoid going into the house.
                The yelling carried, though, no matter how loudly he splashed, no matter how much he muttered to himself. The only sound he could hear was his father, angry like he’d never heard before, so angry Salvatore was sure he was sobbing, refusing to back down for once.
                Vous pensez que c’est ce qui est le mieux pour lui? Vous pensez que c’est ce qui le rendra heureux? Il est trempé de sang, il tremble! Mon Dieu, il n'a que dix ans!
                Dear God, he’s only ten!
                When he pulled his hands from the lake, they were still bloody, and it took a good few seconds to realize that this time, it was his own blood. From the state of his hands, raw and cracked and trembling—God, he wished he could stop the trembling-- scrubbing any more would only make things worse, so he just sat on the dock miserably, holding his fingers above the water and waiting for them to dry.
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the Nate Shelley s3 arc reminds me of the s5 Murphy arc in terms of how much I actually loved it despite it not being widely liked by the fandom and was actually disappointed because it wasn't ugly enough lol
and it's basically the same arc. character with deep-seated wounds and a lack of true self-love has realistic, damaging coping methods and crashes and burns spectacularly by hurting other people around them and isolating themselves because it doesn't matter how good things get for you, deep-seated wounds that don't get addressed will eventually come out one way or another. and it will be ugly when they do.
the Murphy arc was disappointing because it got wrapped up way too easily with Memori getting back together which didn't actually address ANY of Murphy's issues and Nate's was disappointing because it just didn't commit fully to being ugly and didn't let him be enough of an asshole
#with murphy it's like. do the writers even reallly REALIZE what they had written on a character level and how much it made sense and added#to murphy's character or did they just develop a reason for Memori to break up for drama and then didn't care to actually go through the#work of character growth and just got them together at the end of the season no issues#and with nate it's like. yes I DO think the majority of audiences and the fandom would have absolutely villianized nate if he had been even#meaner in s3 and probably wouldn't have celebrated him getting back with the team. I just KNOW people would have been talking about how he#didn't deserve it or hadn't made up for it enough if he had been worse in s3#which is so unfair when a) this show tries to show how hurt can make people ugly and b) other characters get the benefit of the doubt wa#more than nate. (jamie's a little different bc it's easier to accept asshole > redeemed arcs a little more than likeable > downfall to#asshole > redeemed again bc we see the transition to being an asshole#BUT also. still. jamie did some nasty stuff that people just forget or completely forgive. and he ends up fandom favorite#and it's not that nate needed to become the fan fave or anything#I just wish people would give characters who are realistically ugly and human and complicated more grace#especially when they're not the conventionally attractive fan fave pretty boy you know#or like with murphy it's like all his actual harsh edges got sanded down by fandom. same as with Jamie#so even when he had an arc where he was acting terribly in a self destructive unhealthy kind of way that hurt others#people made it ALL about his hurt uwu other people hurt him!! it was Emori's fault!! he did nothing wrong bc he has trauma!! instead of lik#accepting that hurt people hurt people is more than a simple phrase it is true and human and UGLY when it happens#anyways#why do i always ramble more in the tags and write like a full epilogue in here
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i’m trying to get information on like meal delivery services like hello fresh or blue apron and they’re so fucking secretive about their pricing. i can’t find anything reputable that discusses things like ‘if you go for the cheapest option for like x many meals, it’ll be this much”. even their websites don’t let you see pricing until after you’ve signed up for their service. i just did it with hello fresh and it was like 23 bucks but there was a massive discount on it i wasn’t aware of so prior to that, it was closer to 63 and i’m so fucking confused as to how much any of these will charge me if i use them.
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oneknightlight · 1 year
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You know how do teachers get away with so much like. Blatant bullying? I was just thinking about my middle school experience and realizing that if another student would’ve behaved towards me as the teachers did, they would’ve been called to the principals office and punished.
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emi1y · 2 years
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help...! trying so hard to not sound pathetic but i had under 4 full days of experiencing the most mind blowing fulfilling friendship ive ever had and now all other relationships that i already had in my life are unsatisfying in comparison and i can't get up.......!!! what are you supposed to do when you leave home for less than a week and in that time you realize you have nothing to to back to but then you do go back and now you're just there in the nothing. you have commitments and contracts and you were building a life for yourself thinking you were going to make a career and foster your independence and then you spend one night and two days seeing other peoples lives and workplaces and you realize all you've done is set up a fucking isolation chamber for yourself
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woo-sustainability · 2 years
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i'm getting real sick of the news guys.
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