I am slightly miffed about unrelated things: here’s some descendants headcannons
-if a version Rupaul’s Drag race exists in Auradon- Evie watches it solely for the design challenges and Jay will occasionally watch with her because he finds the lipsync for your life entertaining
-they complain about judges critiques together and Jay has a bias for any queen who can do acrobatics
-Gil sews (which is cannon- see Uma’s wicked book) so he ends up taking up a part time apprenticeship with Evie
-Harry has his sisters’ names tattooed over his heart. He didn’t tell anyone, but the lost revenge crew found out because of one of the massive holes in his shirt happened to act as a frame for the tattoos whenever his coat isn’t on
-once he comes to Auradon, he starts modeling for Evie and more people end up finding out about the tattoos and he ends up gaining a reputation in Auradon as a “bad but sad boy” which he has decided not to question…there are numerous fan edits
-while working his way through Vet school, Carlos ends up becoming royal tech support because king beast has zero clue how to use any form of technology and Ben has gotten tired of trying to explain it
-Gil adopted a dog during his and Jay’s travel around the world
-now he and Jay share custody of a perpetually angry looking Pomsky they named Scout
-they go on hiking trips together with Scout as family bonding time
- Mal still gets strawberries as fan gifts and gifts from other royals- castle beast now has a strawberry cellar to compensate for the overflow
-eventually the cellar became so full the “Auradon strawberry festival” was created to get rid of them. This has become an annual event, held the week after Mal’s birthday
- Mal also dresses up lizard Maleficent for special events with Gil and Evie making her little hats to put on the former mistress of evil
-Hades also partakes in this as a way to get back at his ex-wife
- As the unofficial “Queen of the Isle” Uma has to go to royal events, she brings Harry because he keeps the more annoying royals away by simply being himself
-Uma also comes in full pirate captain getup to these events for no other reason than she thinks the looks people give her when she walks into a room with a pirate’s hat and cutlass with Harry Hook on her arm are funny
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If you’re still doing the ship game, what are your thoughts on Voldemort/Tonks? (Inspired mostly by the comparisons between Tonks and Bellatrix in the most recent chapter of One Year in Every Ten.)
anon, thank you so much for this ask - which has, to be quite honest, upended my world.
because i'd literally never thought about this ship before, but now i realise that i'm not only in line for a passport to vonks nation, i appear to be an accidental vonks sleeper cell...
i always write both bellatrix and andromeda as having personality types which map on very closely to the tonks we meet in order of the phoenix - funny, clumsy, cheeky, charismatic, bright, a bit naive, and possessed of an outrageous fashion sense.
there isn't a shipping reason behind this. it started way back when i was planning nor all that glisters gold and thinking about andromeda, and i realised i've never vibed with a fanon tendency to make her this incredibly haughty ice queen, and to suggest that all of tonks' vibrant or insincere personality traits are inherited from ted.
obviously - yes - andromeda doesn't come across as massively welcoming in her only canon appearance, but i think she can be forgiven this on the grounds that harry and hagrid have just destroyed half her garden, revealed that her daughter might have been murdered in a surprise death eater ambush, and shouted at her when harry mistakes her for bellatrix.
but nor, actually, does ted. and so i think it makes much more sense to imagine that they're both a bit curt because of the enormously dangerous situation they find themselves in, and that - outside of that context - andromeda is just as likely to be a great laugh as he is.
i should also say that i am really not a fan of the sort of "omg aristocrats are so brooding and mysterious" way of writing many of the pureblood characters in the series. and one of the things about this which i don't like is the way it reduces characters to gendered stereotypes, while rarely seeming to think critically about the actual gendered conventions which govern their lives we get a hint of in canon.
pureblood women are often reduced to descriptors such as "haughty", "mannered", "prim", "icy", and so on - and, yes, all of these are traits which are implied canonically about bellatrix and andromeda [and narcissa, sirius, and regulus as well...], but they are not traits which have to exist separately from ones we would associate with tonks.
because bellatrix is - canonically - both haughty and theatrical; both cruel and loyal; both in thrall to voldemort and willing to answer him back [it's always overlooked, i think, that, in half-blood prince she reveals that she's told the dark lord to his face that he's wrong to trust snape - that takes a pretty strong nerve!].
she's clever but not particularly cunning [she's a blunt instrument - subtlety is not her strong point]; incredibly charismatic [harry always notices her whenever she's in a room] but also quite artless interpersonally; entirely committed to her prejudiced beliefs and also clearly a little bit naive... her anger when harry says that voldemort's a half-blood in order of the phoenix is really striking when compared to the fact that lucius malfoy doesn't bat an eyelid - i have always thought that more of the death eaters are aware of voldemort's birth name and background than dumbledore believes, which malfoy basically confirms, and so i really like the insight this gives us into what bellatrix is unwilling to move beyond when it comes to the version of voldemort she has in her head.
and she's also someone who is clearly very affection-starved - and who can be written on the basis of her canon personality to be something of a hopeless romantic, and for the vision of romance she has to be quite idealistic and a bit girly. and this doesn't prevent her being a sadistic bigot who knows exactly what she's doing in the slightest - it just adds another layer to her character which i think is really interesting to explore.
i really like the complicated dissonance of her being proud to be the loyal lieutenant of a terrorist kingpin she believes is capable of magic beyond her wildest dreams and who rewards her for her service by not murdering her, and also her wishing to be wooed and sent roses and taken out dancing by a man who has never had the slightest intention of doing any such thing.
tonks also has that idealistic romantic streak - after all, she takes one look at the giant red flag lupin's waving and says "you son-of-a-bitch, i'm in" - and she also has the brains, charisma, bluntness, theatricality, loyalty, and ruthlessness of her aunt.
as an aside - i also really like these tonks-bellatrix comparisons because they undermine one of the series' lazier narrative conventions when it comes to writing women: that straightforwardly bad women can never have anything substantial in common with straightforwardly good ones. petunia has to be nothing like lily, for example, because lily is the series' central pinnacle of womanhood and petunia is a bitch.
the idea that tonks gets all the fun parts of her personality from her father is an offshoot of this. but i really like the fact that realising she is very like bellatrix would force harry et al. to actually reckon with the reality of what bellatrix did and to think critically, in contrast to the ministry's view that everything's fine with voldemort dead, about the conditions which enabled her radicalisation.
[i've written something touching briefly on this - everlasting ink - in which harry and ginny end up adopting delphini and discover she's both her mother's daughter and the reincarnation of a woman they adored.]
but to return, dazed and bleeding, to the vonks agenda...
it's an incontrovertible truth that voldemort mainly likes bellatrix because of her fanatical devotion to him, which enables him to use her freely as a tool for his own gain.
but this is not - i think it's reasonable to argue - the only reason he likes her. after all, she's not the only death eater who goes to azkaban rather than betray him, but he's not going around calling rabastan his favourite...
and her slight bolshiness evidently does contribute to his fondness for her.
the canonical voldemort clearly thinks of himself [even if, let's be real, he's wrong] as someone who doesn't like sycophants. he has no interest in hearing nott sr. gab at him following his resurrection; he is perfectly happy to be told by augustus rookwood that the way he's being going about trying to retrieve the prophecy is wrong; one of the things which drives his humiliation of lucius malfoy in the dark lord ascending is that he's fully aware that the malfoys hate having him squatting in their house, but that lucius would never have the backbone to tell him this. his trust in snape is implied, particularly in deathly hallows, to be connected to what he perceives as a frankness in the way snape speaks to him - him telling snape that he "sounds like lucius" just before he kills him is a way of him letting snape know that he thinks he's being shifty [which - of course - he thinks is because snape knows he's the true master of the elder wand].
he is also theatrical, charismatic, interpersonally offputting [in a context where you weren't afraid of him, think how annoying his tendency to witter would be], clever, strangely loyal [i talk about this a lot, but the fact that he berates wormtail for betraying james and lily - even though this is exactly what he wanted - is really striking], transcendentally attention-starved, and so on. and he clearly respects the idea of constructing one's own identity in defiance of social convention - his favour permits bellatrix to behave in a way which is clearly unusual for a woman of her social class and snape to be ranked higher than richer purebloods who should look down on him, for example.
and he's also - in his own way - a little bit of an idealist too. the elaborate fantasy he's shown to have constructed for himself as a child - that his father was a wizard [who, i presume, he imagines will reveal himself after dumbledore's visit, now that it's safe to do so], that his mother wouldn't have died if she'd mattered, that his father doesn't emerge because he's also dead [he doesn't realise he's alive until he visits morfin!] - is something he uses to self-soothe, and he's hugely rattled by anything which undermines his belief in this dreamscape. just as bellatrix is by any hint that he's not an almighty pureblood god.
and, above and beyond this - even though this is a much more controversial thing to say - he's also capable of being a hopeless romantic himself when he wants to be... it's astonishing to me that we as a fandom don't make more of the fact that he thinks that his parents were in love, that tom riddle sr. was responsible for naming him [even though he's shown in chamber of secrets to know that merope chose his names], and that his father only abandoned his mother because she revealed her magic to him. there is absolutely no chance that he heard this from either morfin or tom sr. - he just makes it up! - and yet he clearly believes, even as an adult, that there was a world of happy families he was denied by his father's lack of chivalry. and i think this adds a really interesting dimension to his obvious loneliness which is tremendous fun to explore.
in a context where the fact that she's an order member is insignificant to him, then, i think it's entirely plausible that he wouldn't hate tonks - which is, for him, essentially a proposal of marriage - on the basis of her similarity to his erstwhile fave.
and tonks, for her part, clearly has a horrible weakness for cruel, emotionally-unavailable, self-loathing men who are cheerfully capable of murder.
i don't not back it...
as a postscript, my two favourite tonks-voldemort moments in canon: the fact that, in the middle of planning a coup, he's taken time out of his day to learn that she's married lupin [it's giving xoxo gossip girl!]; and the fact that her wasting away from unrequited love in half-blood prince is exactly what happens to merope.
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I've finally watched the Muppets 2011 with my dad, and it was a blast!! I love its sense of humor (seriously, that Muppet man joke had me CACKLING), and it's so heart-warming in its simplicity and having a good time despite the trials the Muppets went through... I feel like I can't wipe this smile off my face (ehe)
Do you have any other Muppet or puppet media you'd recommend? I thought I'd ask you since you're the resident puppet expert, and I've been wanting to get into more puppet-related stuff :P
OH YAYYYY I’m so glad you liked it!!
And I do have other Muppet/puppet media I would recommend, thank you so much for asking (and gosh I am incredibly flattered you consider me the resident puppet expert). This is going to be LONG (sorry about that in advance), so under the cut it goes!
First off, I’d recommend the sequel to Muppets 2011, Muppets Most Wanted! It’s about the Muppets going on a world tour after getting back together in the previous movie, only for a criminal mastermind named Constantine (who looks exactly like Kermit) to hijack the tour, sending the real Kermit to prison and pretending to be Kermit so he can hide from the law and use the tour as a chance to steal the Crown Jewels. It’s a really great comedy heist that’s also an INCREDIBLE musical, and it has the same humor and sense of heart that Muppets 2011 has. I haven’t seen it in a while, but I have incredibly fond memories of watching it with my sibling when we were younger, and I think you would really enjoy it.
I would also recommend the original Muppet Show! I haven’t finished watching it yet (I’m on season 4 of 5 at the moment) but it’s a really fun show that serves as a love letter to old vaudeville theater and is just consistently entertaining. There’s no overarching plot and you can pretty much watch any episode in any order, though I would suggest that if you’re interested in checking it out, you watch the Harry Belafonte episode first - it’s regarded by a lot of fans (including me) as being the best episode of the series, and gives a very good idea of what the rest of the show is like.
(Also I HIGHLY recommend you watch the pitch reel for The Muppet Show, which you can find on YouTube here. It’s not essential viewing by any means, but it’s very funny and gives a bit of context for what the field of entertainment was like at the time the show was pitched)
The original trilogy of Muppet films are also absolutely stellar. The Muppet Movie is the story of how the Muppets got together, The Great Muppet Caper is essentially an AU where Fozzie and Kermit are brothers working for a newspaper and trying to prove Miss Piggy innocent of a jewel robbery, and Muppets Take Manhattan is essentially an AU where the Muppets were all friends in college and are trying to put on a show in New York. The original trilogy films are really fun in my opinion because they play fast and loose with what’s real and what’s fake; Kermit admits at the beginning of The Muppet Movie that it’s only an approximate retelling of how the Muppets actually got together, and the other two movies in the trilogy are telling completely separate stories than the main Muppet timeline, with The Great Muppet Caper even having an entire song devoted to telling the audience that it’s just a movie and that it isn’t actually canon. They all have INCREDIBLE soundtracks, too, the songs from these movies are some of my favorite Muppet songs ever.
Fraggle Rock isn’t really considered a piece of Muppet media anymore, since when Disney bought the rights to the Muppets they didn’t bother buying it as well, but it was originally a Muppet production and all of the stuff I watched as a kid referred to it as a Muppet production, so I’m counting it as a Muppet production still lol. Fraggle Rock is an absolutely amazing show on all levels; the puppetry is great, the songs are all stellar, the characters are so well-written, and despite being a show aimed at kids it never talks down to its audience, handling serious issues like death and prejudice with the respect they deserve. It’s probably best to go into Fraggle Rock as blind as possible (unlike The Muppet Show, there is an overarching story, though you don’t really find out that there is one until towards the end of Season 1) so all I’ll say is that it’s probably one of my favorite Muppet productions ever and that the finale, without exaggeration, made me cry for 30 minutes straight. There’s also a Fraggle Rock reboot called Fraggle Rock: Back to The Rock, and while I personally don’t think it’s as good as the original series, it’s still REALLY amazing and you can tell that the team working on it really cares about the og series. If you do end up watching Fraggle Rock, I’d recommend the reboot as well!
Getting into a bit more obscure territory here, but Tales From Muppetland: The Frog Prince is very near and dear to my heart. It’s a Muppet retelling of the Frog Prince fairytale, with the twist that the princess has been cursed by the same witch that the frog prince has been cursed by! The relationship between Prince Robin and Princess Melora is really cute, and it’s clear that the two of them really care for each other. I love the changes that it makes to the original fairytale, too; I mentioned the twist of Melora also being cursed, which gives her and Robin the chance to bond and leads to a very sweet song about finding someone who understands who you are and what you’ve gone through, but the story is also altered so that Robin explains why he needs Melora to kiss him instead of hiding the fact that he’s a prince from her - she doesn’t believe him, but I’m glad they made that change regardless. The witch is also a really fun villain! She’s reused from a previous Muppet production (Tales of The Tinkerdee) that was meant to be a pilot for a planned show but was never picked up, and I’m really glad she got a chance to shine in something that was actually officially released.
Sam and Friends is the first ever Muppet series, debuting in 1955, and while most of it is unfortunately lost media there are a couple episodes you can find online! I really like Sam and Friends (I have a book all about the making of the show), and I would recommend it both as a way to look at how far television puppetry has come and as just a genuinely very entertaining show in its own right - plus, the episodes are only 5 minutes long, so you can get through all the available episodes pretty quickly. My personal favorite episode is “Powder Burn,” a parody of the show Gunsmoke.
Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas is probably one of my favorite Christmas specials ever, despite me only watching it for the first time this past December. It’s a very earnest and emotional story about a family (Emmet Otter and his mother Alice Otter) living in poverty after the death of Emmet’s father. Both Emmet and Alice want to be able to give each other a good Christmas present, so they both enter the local talent contest on Christmas Eve in order to win the cash prize without telling each other. The soundtrack is done by the same man who did the soundtrack for The Muppet Movie (Paul Williams), and is just GORGEOUS - it manages to be silly and heartfelt at the same time, and does some really interesting stuff with the instrumentals, like having a kazoo solo during one of the more somber songs which somehow actually works! Like Fraggle Rock, it it isn’t afraid of tackling serious issues like death and poverty, and like Fraggle Rock, it made me bawl like a baby.
Finally, I would recommend both the documentary Of Muppets and Men and the Jim Henson Hour episode “Secrets of The Muppets” (I sadly haven’t watched enough of The Jim Henson Hour to give a proper recommendation, but from the little I’ve seen it’s very good). Both of these tackle the behind the scenes of working on the Muppets, with Of Muppets and Men being about the making of The Muppet Show specifically and “Secrets of The Muppets” being a general overview of the stuff the Muppets had done up to that point. I completely understand if you don’t want to see the behind the scenes workings of the Muppets (my mom doesn’t like seeing that kind of thing either and I get why), but if you do want to see it I can’t recommend these two enough. They do an excellent job at introducing and highlighting the skills of the troupe of Muppet performers, detailing specific tricks of puppeteering, and showing how everything comes together.
There’s definitely more Muppet media I want to recommend, but if I did so we’d be here FOREVER, and I still haven’t gotten to the puppet media recommendations! This list does serve as a pretty good starting point though - if you like Frog Prince and Jug-Band Christmas you’ll probably like the rest of the Tales From Muppetland specials, if you like one of the original trilogy of Muppet movies you’ll probably like the others in the trilogy, if you like Sam and Friends you’ll probably like the Muppets’ appearances on shows like the Ed Sullivan Show or the Jimmy Dean show that they made during that period, etc. Most of this stuff is on YouTube or the Internet Archive, but if you’re looking for something specific and can’t find it, let me know and I’ll do my best to locate it 👍
AND NOW AFTER 50 MILLION PARAGRAPHS WE ARE ON TO THE PUPPET MEDIA IN GENERAL RECOMMENDATIONS
I have to start this list off with my favorite movie of all time, The Dark Crystal. It’s a fantasy epic done entirely with puppets, and it is utterly gorgeous. All of the puppets are so detailed (I had the absolute blessing to see some of them when a local museum held a puppetry exhibit and the sheer amount of tiny details you can’t even SEE in the film are incredible), the world is so richly developed, the soundtrack is absolutely top-tier, and the amount of innovations in puppetry that this film causes are mind-blowing. There are traditional puppets, people in suits, radio-controlled puppets…the list goes on! I cannot recommend The Dark Crystal enough, it means so much to me and is probably the reason I’m so obsessed with puppets in the first place. It also has a prequel on Netflix called Age of Resistance - like the Fraggle Rock reboot, I don’t think it’s as good as the og, but it’s still absolutely stunning and the team working on it clearly cares about the world of the original film. Sadly, the prequel was cancelled after only one season :( I still recommend it if you like the film, but just go into it knowing that it’s gonna end on a cliffhanger.
The Little Shop of Horrors movie has an absolutely AMAZING puppet in the form of Audrey II, the film’s main antagonist. There are multiple Audrey II puppets, as the character grows throughout the entire film, and the biggest one required over 50 puppeteers to operate. There are no opticals or blue screens used for Audrey II (except for one scene at the very end of the film that they had to reshoot), and the effect is mind blowing. Little Shop is an absolutely incredible film overall, too, and thankfully doesn’t use Audrey II as a selling point or a gimmick - the puppet is incorporated very naturally into the film, and you appreciate the puppetry much more as a result.
I haven’t watched Labyrinth, but my sibling has and they really like it! From what I’ve seen of the puppetry, it’s really well done, and the movie seems very fun. Sorry I can’t give a better recommendation than that lol.
If we’re counting stop-motion animation as a form of puppetry (which I personally do considering the models are typically referred to as puppets), then I absolutely recommend checking out the work of LAIKA, which includes productions such as Coraline and Kubo and The Two Strings. I also highly recommend Wendell and Wild, made by former LAIKA supervising director Henry Selick, as well as Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio. All of these films are stunning, and they absolutely deserve the hype that surrounds them.
This one is a bit more preschool-centric, but when I was very little I was OBSESSED with Johnny and The Sprites, and having watched a bit of it again recently, I feel it still holds up somewhat for older audiences. It’s a show about a musician named Johnny who moves to a house in the woods in order to focus on his music only to find that the house is next to Grotto’s Grove, where a species of fairy-like beings called the Sprites live. The series is focused on Johnny teaching the Sprites about human stuff and the Sprites teaching Johnny about Sprite stuff in turn. It’s a very cute and charming show :3
On the complete opposite end of the spectrum is Mystery Science Theater 3000, a show about a man trapped in space with 4 robot companions and forced to watch bad movies as part of an evil science experiment. It’s very goofy and very immature at times, and 99% of the time you need a guide to understand the stuff they reference, but it’s great regardless, and despite being very simple the puppets are really well-designed. Unfortunately, one of the characters is named after the ethnic slur used against Romani people in the show’s original run; it wasn’t done out of any intentional malice and the creators changed her name when the show was revived and viewers expressed their concern, but if that sours your opinion on watching the original show I completely understand.
Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared is a classic, and for good reason - both the original webseries and the tv show riff off of and play with the stereotypes of traditional children’s puppet shows, while still clearly respecting the art of puppetry and giving it their own unique spin. It’s definitely on the spookier/gorier side of things, so MASSIVE content warning if you want to check it out, but DHMIS is very good and I adore it.
And with that, this very very very VERY long list comes to an end. I definitely didn’t mention everything that I wanted to - there are some excellent pieces of puppet media, like Starkid’s Starship, that I just haven’t gotten around to watching and thus can’t properly recommend - but like with the Muppet section, I’d suggest using this as a starting point. There’s a TON of puppet media out there, and this is just scratching the surface!
I hope this list helps, and that you find something on here that you enjoy :D
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the magicians s2e3
eliot giving a real and that's what you missed on glee performance to start the episode
ta fucking da (i am in love with him)
rhinemann ultra is possibly my favorite spell name in this show. certainly the most memorable. i point at the screen when they say it.
lmao i forgot they didn't take care of the cursed thrones yet
if i had been abandoned in rural ren faire land with a spouse i didn't choose and my best friend and crush and crush's girlfriend returned with matching tattoos i would go crazy even without a cursed throne
oo-surpers... yoosurpers.
We're Fine :-l
god i hate to always be the one pointing out when these characters are hot but cursed throne quentin... is kind of hot
of course cursed throne alice is also hot but that's no different than any other alice
jesus you're acting like this is your first regicide
i forgot how often penny is on eccentric mega-personality genius babysitting duty
hiiiiiieeeee marina
she's literally the best i'm such a fan of her character this watch
I FORGOT MY BEST FRIEND HARVEY GUILLEN IS IN THIS !!!!!! BENEDICT I'M ALREADY SAD FOR YOU
i make maps, your majesty ??
be nicer to fen, penny, that's my (tumblr user han clarajohnson's) wife
a benevolent mommy who will solve my problems with her gaia problems? literally marina call me any time anyyyyyy time THE LEATHER SKIRT ARE YOU JOKING
i may truly skip the cupcake scene when it happens i'm already worried about it. it was genuinely my least favorite scene of the entire show last time.
you couldn't hit a fat girl with a fat-girl-seeking arrow... i like it but i don't love it
margo releasing her cacodemon that early is so crazy like without a curse i'm sure she never would've done it and it feels like the writers were just so enchanted by the concept they wanted to use it again. and then they like, didn't use it ever again lol?
you shot me, you cock !!!!!!!
ah yeah i will be skipping all the marina reynard stuff sorry
fen with a crossbow is very pleasing to me
sorry it's like 50% horniness and 50% i love how crazy this show is and what it lets all its characters do, you know?
what's best in life? to crush your enemies ??!!!! i love you cursed throne margo
is it wrong to say i find her death extremely satisfying WHAT DID SHE MEAN BY THAT
PLEASE the noise q makes when el extracts the syringe
alice being disturbed by feeling her cacodemon under her skin is so fun. high fantasy autistic texture aversion.
man it sucks skipping the marina reynard scenes because she's my best friend and wife of twenty years
love the cool dude magic music they use to really emphasize how fun tutting is
MARINA GET THE LEO BLADE DO IT DO ITTTTTT
once again alice is the most not-grown-up extremely mature child in the world tell me why she's about to save the entire fucking universe and she wants a sundae with gummy bears on top
all i can handle right now is a goddamn ice cream sundae !!!! this feels like a trap !!!!!
i remember hating q during this argument and i don't hate him now but it does still kill me that he thinks now is the time to have this conversation. also don't make alice cry quentin
idk how olivia taylor dudley does it but she has this wretched little about-to-cry voice that kills me every time
i have... befouled... the wellspring
god i so don't care for ember i find him unpleasant and unnecessarily grody but i do enjoy the weirdo wellspring twist
i, like the magicians writers, forgot that q incurs an injury for which he will lose an arm
to our pretty corpses :'-)
i love el and margo's casual intimacy they are the sweetest friends
in 2016 "full harry potter part seven slash eight" was still a funny joke. I Assume.
(everyone chanting) NIFFIN! NIFFIN! NIFFIN! NIFFIN! NIFFIN!
perhaps the most pathetic q has ever looked up until this point
if i had a nickel for every time a quinn child had niffined out...
can't not say it niffin alice is so scary hot
aw margo apologizing to alice is so sad once again this character has LAYERSSSSS
feels really revealing that q chose el and margo over alice idk
now i'm not going to say that between quentin and marina as characters i'd choose to change marina's death... but between marina and anyone else i'd choose marina
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hihi!! i absolutely love ur writing and was wondering why you dislike using y/n ? i hope this doesn’t come forward as hateful !! much love 🤍🤍
omg no not at all! This is actually a very funny question, so absolutely.
Let's talk about x reader fics, hell yeah.
This is all to do with my personal preference: when I have read x readers in the past, I have literally never imagined 'myself' as the 'reader' character. I've always found it awkward to do--it's just not my thing--and so to combat this, I just imagine the reader character as this... separate character, more of an OC than anything, and I'm just reading a fictional story and oh wow maybe she doesn't actually have a name, there we go, cool.
This then evolves into me reading x readers where the characters are, actually, essentially OCs: in order for the fic, assuming it's multi-chaptered and pretty longform, to be interesting, the perspective character needs to have good and consistent characterisation, and they can't be a bland 'eh' type person that the reader (e.g. me) can just project onto. Give me a character with flaws and personality! That's the type of 'reader character' I prefer. This is even better when authors give them a name--I've often seen authors sidestep the 'absolute OC'-ification of the reader by having the MC's 'real name' never be mentioned and them only be referred to by a nickname, or something like that. I like this! It's more fun when the MC has a name and a personality: it gives strength to the romance and idk man, I just like it, especially since this 'OC-ification' is just what I was doing anyway.
However, I still don't like 'absolute OC-ificaton', just 'partial OC-ification', and prefer a good middle mix. And I know that some readers do like to project themselves onto the MC, so I've tried to go for the same middle mix too.
You can see it in IW, really. This is the type of balance I like: I've given our MC a name, but it's only her surname, so you can pretend that her first name is your name if you want to, or you can lean into the 'partial OC-ification' and chill with the fact that this is a character with a different name to you. I've definitely given Hebi a personality (or, hell, I've tried to), and she's got her own set of flaws that some people will or won't relate to. But IW's got a wordcount of over 150k now, and it would've been pretty tricky to write all that much without feeling like our perspective character was... well. A character, you know?
Despite this, I try really hard to avoid mentioning physical descriptions, because that can be pretty jarring, imo. Hence why Hebi doesn't have the wattpad-y 'long blonde hair and blue eyes and also she's 5'1 and so petite and little with F CUP TITS' etc. I try not to make overt references to hair (like, no-one will ever 'smoothly run their hands through your hair' because, like,,, not everyone has pinstraight smooth type 1 hair, yk? However, someone might 'brush some hair away' or 'curl their fingers in your hair' etc etc, since that's a bit more universal). I'm not infallible, and I've probably slipped up somewhere without noticing, but I try my best to make it as universal as I can, yk?
As for 'y/n' specifically, I just am not a fan, lmao. I find it disrupts the flow of the writing, and takes you out of the story; it reminds you that you're reading something, rather than letting you get sucked in, you know? It also reminds me of 12yo mafia alpha male harry styles wattpad fanfictions and oh lord, I would rather forget those days.
I like my little x readers where the characters have names etc, but I know some people find that to be jarring and off-putting instead of y/n! It's just what you're used to, you know? <3
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Hatchetfield Retrospective: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals: I Mean What The Fuck?
SPOILER WARNING FOR ALL HATCHEFIELD PRODUCTIONS PRE-NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE
CONTENT WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE
Hello all you happy people and tonight we're gonna chronicle a story so astronomical, though thankfully not the last remaining story to tell as I celebrate spooky season by kicking off a look at one of the best new horror franchises to pop up. While I took a brief look at this series back in 2020 with the first episode of nightmare time, I think it's time I booked an extended stay in the tiny town of Hatchetfield for a full on retrospective. So get your cups of roasted coffee, pre-order that Tickle Me Wiggly, book your tickets to Watcher World and roll a fatty bowl of Perky's Buds as I take a look at this weird, wonderful world of horror, comedy, showstopping numbers and telling Clivesdale to rightly go fuck itself with the first stop on our tour, the musical that started it all by ironically being about a guy who doesn't much care for them. A Brief History of Starkid and Hatchetifield
So before we get to the horrifying tale of life becoming a musical, we need to look at the weirdos behind the curtain of this wonderful series of plays, zoomcasts and I assume tales Nick Lang shouts to his brother over zoom at 3 in the morning we might see someday, Starkid Productions Aka Team StarKid aka "Aren't those the guys who made that weird harry potter musical?". Most of you are well aware of who they are and their rough history, most of you also likely better than I but since I like to keep these reviews accessible and since some of my audience read whatever I put out regardless of if they gave one pigfart about it going in
It all began at the University of Michigan, GO BLUE! I don't have a connection to it myself but after watching about 80 hours of dead meat you start doing that on reflex. It was here while reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire a nerd by the name of Nick Lang wondered "hey woudln't it be funny if Draco bullied hermione because he liked her" This lead to this group writing the song granger danger, and deciding "Hey this could make a fun musical". Hence a Very Potter Musical was born. Nick asked his buddy Darren Criss to use some of his songs (One from a previous project Little White Lie), which snowballed into Darren both doing a lot of the music and playing Harry Freaking Potter himself.
What was supposed to be a fun goofy side project by a bunch of dedicated nerds became an internet sensation and thus Team StarKid was born, deciding they could keep this going: staging musicals at school then throwing them up online for other nerds. Naturally another Harry Potter musical followed and finding out abotu these and devouring the soundtracks, a twelve years younger and less sad but far more unteitonally creepy towards women me found thees musicals, laughed his ass off and was a fan from that day forward. While I wouldn't watch the next few shows I would listen to the soundtracks and followed starkid for a bit.
While the team would face the setback of Darren moving on to Glee, which I was watched at the time so at least I got to hang on to him even as he hung ont o a show slowly falling off the earth and into it's molten core where the lava men tore ita part piece by piece, it still held firm, moving on to musicals about Sentient Genitals, space bugs wanting to break the status quo, the goddamn batman wanting to be somebody's buddy, Achmed the tiger fucking man, an interquel for star wars that's also an inspiring 80's movie, waking up with mud on your dick and not wanting to do the work today. All were anchored by goofy alternate takes on the characters they were parodying, suprising amoutns of heart, a talented if sometimes shifting crew, and of course Nick Lang, who along with his rarely seen because he shy and now he in kanas brother matt, wrote the musicals and Nick directed a few himself.
So naturally when Nick decided to relocate to LA, in part because some of the troupe like longtime member and certified Chad Joey Richter were already there and likely to shake things up, half the troupe went with him and the other stayed behind, amicably parting ways and with Merdith Stephin, who'd been a big part of things returning with their partner for VHS Christmas Carol later and the upcoming Jangle Ball tour. Sadly they soon lost another member as long time Starkid and sex machine Joe Walker retired from acting.
So in a tight spot with half the troupe gone, Nick decided to swing for the fences and thus decided to shift genres slightly: from goofy parody comedy's with heart (and the occasional original), to an intrictatley built shared horror comedy multiverse. After spitballing a lot of ideas for the setting, Hatchetfield was born and three ideas for musicals came out of it mostly formed: Nerdy Prudes Must Die, Black Friday.. and this very one. Despite coming third in ideas, TGWDLM was decided to be the first of the series, to test to see if audiences would take to it with it's accessible premise.
The result.. was a massive hit, ushering in a new era of starkid, fresh fans, and a return to prominence after it dimmed somewhat. Hatchetfield gave the group new life, and over time they've picked up even more members and came out swinging stronger than ever, having done Black Friday the year after, spun the franchise off into the webcast series nightmare time during the height of the pandemic, and now going into it's third musical next year with Nerdy Prudes Must Die. As I write this it's kickstarter is still going and has reached it's goal, but to help the Lang Shang A Langs reach their stretch goal i'm offering you a deal: For every three of you starkids who sends me a screenshot of you either pledging or upping your pledge (I myself can't go over 5) I promise to review another starkid musical at some point beyond the Hatchetfield Series, starting at the back with A Very Potter Musical and going up, and to sweeten the pot if you hit them all i'll also cover the tin can bros productions too. So if you want a lot of nostalgia, cringing and jokes at a Transphobes expense while supporting a work that is very much everything she isn't, my ask box is open.
Hatchetfield means a lot to me: I ran into it in 2020 just as my love of horror was really ramping up, having really loved the trailer for Black Friday and watching TGWDLM first in case I needed to see it. Which you can watch either on their own, their both standalone works but it works better in order given the crowd pops any time something from TGWDLM gets referenced. It got me back into starkid and while I still need to crawl through the massive backlog of shows i've missed, what i've found is wonderful and i've found these wonderful PEIPS have kept going and kept an honest to god comradery and love for one another that's commendable. And it was thanks to that I got to feel that love again. See how these people had grown and gotten even awesome with time as we talk about the man whose name is in the title whose destined to go viral and the waking nightmare he finds himself in.
A Story So Astronomical
Before we can open this musical's tummy and get into it's blue guts, we have to get down to brass tacks nad break down what exactly happened here.
TGWDLM is the story of Paul Matthews, an average man living an average life as an office drone in Hatchetfield. He spends his days with Bill, his struggling single dad best friend whose desperate to reconnect with his daughter, Ted, the office walking erection who dosen't seem to get Paul wants nothing to do with him , and Charlotte, a meek and saddeningly frazzled woman whose in a loveless failing marriage to her cop husband , having an affair with Ted to try the fill the void. Working hard for the mildly obnoxious Bill Lumberg impersonator Mr. Davidson, Pauls' only real refuge is Beanies, a local cafe that makes a nice carmel frappe and more importantly to Paul, employs his crush Emma, a cynical barista who hates the place's musical gimmick understandably as while unlike Paul I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE musicals, minimum wage food service jobs are already draining and obnoxious, adding being forced to sing to it no matter how tired you are or obnoxious the customer sounds like my own personal hell.
Also around are a green piece girl who in trying to brush her off Paul pisses off instead, a man in a hurry, and Peter who badly needs his hot chocolate for his low blood sugar. I can relate to peter. Can't wait to properly meet him when I get around to watching Abstinance Camp. Yes folks I'm that behind on Nightmare Time Season 2, you may boo. Soundtrack's dope though.
Things quickly change though when a meteor crash lands on the starlight theater, and the next day in excellent horror fashion Paul slowly notices something… just isn't right, starting with a whole ass group musical number. We'll get to the songs in their own sectoin much like Starkids closest spirtual cousin the muppets, and it soon esclates to being forced to sit there while his boss grins like ti's the ending credits of pearl and tells Paul how he wants his wife to choke him out at night while Paul slowly dies inside in real time.
Paul starts to grasp the implications of everything having turned into a musical and infected everyone, but it takes Emma a moment… till she finds her boss and coworker, now also part of the extradimensional hive mind, poisoning their customers mid-musical number and planning to infect her too. Our heroes barely escape through some human shaped bushes and Emma finally grasps the implications.
They thankfully find other survivors in Bill, Ted and Charlotte, though that's all the good news they have: Downtown's been swarmed and when Charlotte calls her husband for help.. and instead gets a musical number about how their cops and they make sense
Our heroes, like most citzens barely survive their encounter with the cops, scarring them off after Ted brains Sam's brains out of his head with a trash can lid. Needing help and with the hospital being downtown at the heart of the swarm, our heroes instead go to Emma's kooky college instructor Professor Hidgens, the star of the show and a survivalist fringe scientist who foresaw this exact sort of apocalypse and thus built up his estate on the edge of town to be ready for it, including booze. I mean what's an apocalypse if you can't get hammered right? I don't drink but I feel the apocalypse is one of those "code red" situation where even if you don't, you need to get blazed anyway. Liked if Keith David dies. I'm still convinced he's immortal but in a year that's been constantly punching me in the dick via Warner Bros Discovery, i've learned not to take anything for granted.
So Paul and Emma get closer and get all snuglay, Bill threatens to kick Ted in the head, and soon Charlotte makes things far worse after Sam singing the only bad song in the musical at her somehow dosen't make her run screaming but gets her to free him. We then get one of the best as the Hive gets fed up with the soft touch and just plans to murder them all, but in horror rock paper scissors "guy with the gun" beats monster anytime, and Hidgens saves them.
Our party ends up having to split as stupid as that sounds as Bill finds out Alice is still in town and in downtown, so he and Paul go to save her, Emma stays behind at Hidge's instince to disect the corpses and Ted stays because wellll
Though he DOES point out there likely isn't an Alice left and this is a suicide mission
And I do mean sad as they find Alice already infected and proceding to sing a whole song about how her dad sucks dirty ass in thunderstorms, how it's his fault she ended up here, and pressing every parental parent button and insecurity bill has. The poor guy reaches for a gun as a result and luckily, Paul, in an incredibly heartbreaking scene, talks his friend out of such.
Unfortunately neither of them in the state they were in thought to WATCH said gun so Bill dies seconds later and it's only the military showing up that prevents Paul from sharing the same fate.
While Paul gets a gun butt to the head, Emma gets some MMMMM Drugs and wakes up tied to a chair, with Ted likewise. I mean he's into it but he's gotta be asked first. It's just common courtsey. Turns out Hidgens is on the creatures side.. he's not hived but the idea of a musical seeming utopia where everyone is happy, ther'es no traffic accidents, the trains run on time , is wonderful and plans to lure the aliens here. How he does it is with one of the best piecs in musical theater. We'll again get to that later, but thankfully our heroes manage to escape while the hive is distracted with Hidgens and opens his tummy.
Paul might have a way out though as the Miltary Man he meets is the gruff but loveable and resonable John Macnamara, who works for PEIP, your standard issue extranormal government organization that covers weird shit like this. HIs orders are to murder anyone he sees and let god sort out the corpses, but
And gives Paul an out, especailly after hearing how sweet he is on emma: he has a few hours to grab her, GET TO THE CHOPPA, and escape before they nuke the place as god intented. Well the Judeo-Christian god. The god with a thumb in this pie wants a musical apocalypse.
Paul gets back to the others with the news and allows Ted to come. This goes as badly as you'd expect as Ted tries betraying them and taking the chopper himself
Naturally given this is a horror work, this gets Ted killed by the hive who already have McNamara and a few of his PEIPS by the time he gets there. They sing a very unsbtle and unsettling song while our heroes barely escape.. only to get further proof that Pokey isn't the only god who hates Paul as it turns out the pilot is Hive!Zoey who crashes, leaving Paul as the only thing that MIGHT be able to stop this: Hidge , as reinfieldy as he was, theroized the meteor, the source of the Blue Shit and thus the hive, must be the hive queen. Blowing it up real good might be a good shot
What follows is more soul destruction… seriously when I first watched this only being familiar with the earlier starkid works, I had no idea the emotoinal punch in the scrotum I was in for, as Paul gets infected and has to fight his inner depressiona nd the hive and seemingly wins, blowing up the theater and seemingly the hive.
Emma survives, and is reunited with Paul and is happy.. for about 5 seconds. In a tragic and horrifying twist ending Paul survived, everyone else apparently did too… and Emma is left to scream futilely in horror for help as her fate is left uncertain and the world… is left to be united by a singular voice, who in a deep void far away laughs musically having finally gotten his leading man.
Scary If You Think of the Implications
So you might of noticed with the synopsis the tone of the musical: Nick was very clever here as he likely knew both people coming in from other starkid works and people who came in fresh, like my friend @jess-the-vampire who I got to join the hive here and at least interested in checking out more of Hatchetfield and starkid, Twisted in particular since we're both big into disney and the idea there was an entire number about the guy who showed up all of once to have a tiger bite his ass made her laugh, would expect this to be way goofier than it was. Even I despite spoiling myself on how it ended before I watched it, wasn't prepared.
TGWDLM is still a comedy to it's bones, with both great jokes I remembered vividly from the first time like the ENTIRETY of what do you want paul (I struggled not to loose my damn shit the first time I heard Davidson say he wanted his wife to choke him while he jerked off while Paul prayed for death but death won't come in the background), "Kick your head" (With Corey and Joey absolutely killing me, especially Joey as Ted hams it up to high heaven),Ted's love of workin boys, Working Boys itself, "I'm professor hidgens!' and more, as well as a few I forgot like "I don't want to die in your filthy presbeterian church", Jon's impecable background acting, and "He didn't want to go like this. He wanted to do what he loved: getting choked by his wife while he masturbates!". It's also delightfully meta with every song being some form of standard brand of Musical song, something i'll break down more when we get to the songs themselves.
It strikes a good tone for a horror comedy: the situation is rediculous enough to generate tons of laughs, but also still GENUINELY horrifying and heartwrenching. It dosen't forget it's either.
It's not the depth either as character depth is something that dates back to Very Potter which somehow turned Voldermort from pure unrelnting horrifying evil to a guy whose still evil but also struggles with his sexuality and missing his partner. No what catches you off guard, is the horror. With Horror Comedy you can vary a lot. Take the Chucky Franchise for instance. 2 is a horror comedy, but still leans heavier on the horror aspect, with Chucky still taken dead seriously despite now cracking one liners, Bride leans more into the camp and gore, and Seed just went full on insanity and camp with no real horror to be found apart from Chucky's treatment of his own family. You can vary in just how much you have. TGWDLM strikes me as where the franchise is now: it takes itself seriously, but isn't afraid to still throw jokes in there for contrast or just for fun, being dead serious when it needs to be and hilarious when it doesn't, and sometimes mixing the two.
The premise on paper sounds goofy but like Paul says it's when you think of the implications it gets bad and the show does a great job of doing this: When the Hive first shows up in "La Dee Da Day", it's goofy and played for laughs: it' is mildy creepy everyone's acting like it's a musical, but it's mostly funny for Paul's utter confusion, the homeless man talking about how he "used to want to kill them all while high on bath salt zombie drugs snacking on a dead mans face" and even as dark as THAT gets Paul's horrified flat what brings it right back around.
It's only when Charlotte gives a monologue about how sam not sounding like himself in the shower really underved her that it starts to get serious, but the next scene shifts back to comedy.. while uppping the discomfort. Now the Hive is directly trying to convert paul, and while it's done in the most hilarious manner possible, the grin splattered on Davidsons face, the fact he can't remember what he wanted once he stops singing, and the clear instiance of him joining them are unsettling
And then.. we get the coffee shop scene. This is why I say it' sby design: the langs knew audience expectations.. .probably figured the horror part woudln't be a true factor here.
Instead what starts being only mildly unsettling (Emma unknowingly singing with what the audeince can tell are hive infected co workers).. only for it to slowly ramp up: they perform complicated manuvers she wasn't ready for and when she tries to quit.. they tel lher she can't.. and then in a cheery monotone explain they POISONED everyone else and gladly sing while several people die aorund them are are reborn with a singular voice. The terror on Emma's face combined with the various patrons going from choking to death to slowly JOINING IN one by one on the how do you do.. it's truly impressive and not being a sfamiliar with the fandom if we haven't talked about how great this scene is before we damn well should.
We get one last respite with show me your hands but from then on the comedy almost never comes from the hive again, something that didn't hit me till just now: the rest of the comedy comes from Sensei Bill, show stopping numbers and other things with only the "All your friends are here" bit in the climax being a hive involved joke. It shows the Hive's slow evolution horrifically as it goes from bumblingly comedic if still horrifying, From here on it WEAPONZIES our heroes despairs hopes and needs: it prays on Charlotte's desperate desire both for her husband to live and for him to actually love her again, turning her. It prays on Bill's love of his daughter to lure him and his difficulties as a parent to utterly destroy him, it uses PEIP and the helicopter to nearly kill emma, uses Paul's last ditch plan to infect him.. and uses him to twist the knife one last time fo rour ending. Every time our heroes have hope the Hive uses it against them, which gets more ingenious when you think about how most horror works, including a lot of the other hatchetfield stories, go: Even if our heroes may loose eventually the ones who survive or at least make it to the end don't give up, keeping going, and use hope, determination and grit to survive. Here the Hive uses that AGAINST them. It's again where the balance is effective: when you stop to think about it, this work is ENTIRELY bleak, but thanks to the comedy you don't. It only hits you later when you have no escape from it, just as our heroes have no escape from The Hive, Pokey.. or themselves.
Production wise TGWDLM is stripped down, and by design: with a new tone, new cast members and a new venue, the StarKids had a lot to work out with this one, so the costumes are the simple kinds they could rent or make cheapley, the effects are minimal, the blue shit very clearly being homeade slime, sam's brain apparently falling out repdatedly during one performance and most other things being pantomimed, and the set is even more so, simply some colored lights on cube.
It works perfectly though: the lack of props in places like typewriters in the helicopter and elsewhere is played ENTIRELY for laughs, and the lack of detail in places like the cups of poisoned coffee or hidgens getting his stomach torn to pieces leaves it to the audeince to imagine just how horrific those things are. Sometimes what you can make a persons mind do can surpass what your budget can, a staple of horror. It's no shock one of Hatchetfields primary influences is the similarly cheap for it's first two instalments evil dead franchise, with Rami's tenants of horror not only guiding the stories here but ending up as part of the cannon later. While StarKid is FAR from strangers of stretching a budget, TGWDLM is easily the second most impressive example of that with only nightmare time, operating on nothing for it's first season as far as I could tell surpassing it.
That leaves us with the acting and music, which naturally given Starkid is both a very actorcentric group and a very musical one, need their own sections. The Stars of the Show
Starting with the man whose name is in the title whose destined to go viral , we have Paul Matthews, played by Starkid Newcomer Jon Mattenson. While a fresh face to the StarKid verse Jon to my lack of surprise was a long time stage actor before this, doing a series of one man shows including one I hope someone has video of Shark Tank: The Musical. Given he was performing in Chicago at the time it didn't take long for him to meet future fellow starkids Lauren and Jeff, with Jeff even doing the music for Jon's one man show, which i'm also adding to the "stuff I will do if you help up those backer numbers." So naturally when Starkid needed new members, he was a perfect fit.
Jon instantly feels like he belongs too: it takes a LOT to come into an experienced group and play lead on your first show, even more when your in a musical but do not get to sing until the final act. But by god Jon not only pulls it off but easily commands the entire play. And it's not that everyone else is bad. Far from it, as usual the rest of the StarKids bring it and we'll get to their performances. But as Paul, Jon utterly brings it: Paul is a layered guy being entirely boring and sedate in the office and while a tad awkward with Emma he also manages to be utterly charming, with Jon and Lauren having wonderful chemistry. You get why despite his very thin excuse for coming here and her seeing right through it she likes the guy who doesn't like musicals, and why Paul has friends and quickly becomes the group's surrogate leader: while he's an utterly normal guy, he's a likeable one, one who clearly cares for his friends.. and Ted because he kinda has to. He can be awkward but usually only when really freaked out. It's remarkable just HOW layered this character came off on second watch: first time around I liked Paul but second I fucking loved this guy.
A big part of this is background acting. While it's a common and valuable skill, especially in a comedy, Jon takes it to another level: As Jess pointed out to me every scene with him, every background movement is paul and whether hte's terrified of what's going on around him and worried for his crush's safety or DEEPLY uncomfortable because his boss is talking about jerking off, there's something to dissect and pull from. Jon is just that terrific and actor and I feel despite how talented this troupe is NO ONE else could've played paul like Jon. This is one of those performances only the actor who gave it could give.
And of course his peak is with Let It Out, where Jon effortlessly bounces between the real paul, terrified of both what he's becoming and what it's awakening, and his smiley nightmarish body invader. The effortless switching between the two in face is just mesmerising: you can't look away even if you badly want to as Paul struggles desperatley to defeat himself.. and is loosing. You have to wait the whole musical to hear Jon sing but once he does it's clear he wasn't cast as paul because he wasn't a great singer.. but because he was such a great actor.
Paul as a character is surprisingly deep: as part of the musicals meta commentary on musicals themselves Paul seems to be your typical lead stuck in a dead end situation he needs to dream his way out of. The probelm for the hive and paul himself is he really DOSEN'T know what he wants ,Paul. What he wants to actually DO with his life beyond work in an office job he dosen't seem especially happy at and maybe marry someone. IT's also realistic as Paul as most people struggle with what they really want and most who end up in an office drone job like Paul simply needed a job. And while he seems content working the job and hating musicals, as seen by the fact he still works it in every other relality after this with the only change being actually getting to connect with Emma before the apocalypse hits, one line in "Let It Out" makes it PAINFULLY clear:
"I've Never Been Happy, Wouldn't That Be Nice?
It's easy to see Paul trying to use having a steady job or finding a partner as a patch for the fact he feels deeply unhappy and alone and needs something to help him along. Yet a partner can't fix that for you ,as i've had to learn and said job isn't exactly plesant. Sometimes having depression, and in my case (and possibly pauls as there are signs), autisim, means you try to stave off the encroaching darkness with something, anything to make it better. It dosen't mean Paul CAN'T find enjoyment in his job, he met his best friend and niece there, is clearly on great terms with charlotte and Ted… well okay he has to deal with the constant smells of axe bodyspray and jizz coming from his office but 2/3 ain't bad. And he and Emma do have genuine chemistry. There's a reason their together in the next timeline and all. These aren't bad things and in fact probably hlep, but their a patch to a larger problem. It's telling a planned nightmare time story for him had him fantasies via dream machine that he was an 8 foot antrophormic squirrel living out howard the duck because the only person everyone loved without any strings attached was Peanuts the Hatchetfield Pocket Squirrel
It shows someone with depression can function but that paul probably needs counseling. It also does show his grit though: despite his depression and anxiety, he keeps going, keeps trying and despite hating the genre dosen't stop actually watching Musicals if you look closely. He knows the lyrics to "There You Are" as seen when hidgens makes everyone sing it and has seen Mamma Mia. It's something you fine folks pointed otu and Jon clearly agrees with: while he may not like musicals he dosen't stop trying. Paul is a wonderful character and I hope he gets a happy ending eventually.. or at least that if Nightmare Time ever returns he gets a happy ending for a change.
Next up is EMMMMA! Emma is played by Lauren Lopez, one of the three longtime starkids and has been in every play except one, and that one's a technicality I throw out of her flawless record as Starkid experimented with doing two smaller shows at once, and even as amazingtastic as Lauren is.. she can't clone herself. YET. While she's spent the bulk of Starkid history playing either crossdressing rolls or just plain weird ones, from best boy Draco Malfoy, to a verison of Apu from aladdin that needs to be put down due to clearly having contracted the Motiva virus, to Comissioner Gordon, she had quite the career with her roll in Starship being the only acception I can think of once the shows got started proper.
This would change after Firebringer, her first starring role in a starkid show and since sh'es played usually adult or teenage women. Why?
Maybe Nick and Matt wanted to let her stretch creatively, maybe they just got tired of that bit and wanted to let Lauren try different things. Maybe there's no real reason to it and it's just a thing that happened. I dunno. Maybe i'll be lucky enough to get to ask Lauren herself someday, i'd be honored to interview any starkid past or present.
Point is the transition didn't loosen her timing nor her talent one iota. While I can't speak on her role in firebringer as I haven't seen it yet, I can say Emma is one of her best rolls and they only reason I can't say for certain it's the best is that she somehow equaled herself with the next play and I have no idea wether Emma or Linda is better.
Emma is a complex character at first seemingly like just a jaded minimum wage worker who only seems to like exactly two people in the world: Paul because he's likely the only person she serves all day that seems to treat her like a human being, and Hidgens because he's charming, nice and probably is a fantastic guy to get high with. Like seriously, I bet Hidgens let's her test growing weed in the back of his fancy ass bunker mansion. HFPD is'nt going to come up there, their stretched as is covering Sam's midlife crisis.
She's guarded as hell but yet charming: anyone whose worked minimum wage can tell you it blows and the Langs amazingly perfectly captured what it's like to work that kind of job in your late 20's, working for those who don't respect you and those way younger than you. Throw in your depressoin, anxiety and autisim all swirling to make the frantic pace of food service near impossible and forcing me to get disablity, and it'd basically me be just without spitting in the food or slacking off.
Emma's mostly there to get them to hidgens, have wonderful chemistry with paul and make one liners, but she's still utterly endearing, with Lauren having tons of great deliveries and it being clear this situation is a LOT to pack in, that sure it's funny to watch.. but the sheer stress of it would break anyone.
And while her goal of leaving this town isn't exactly new, her REASON for it and wantin ga weed farm (since it'll be local nation wide soon as she put it and with Biden outright saying he's going after criminal charges for it recently, likely readying to do just that, she fucking called it), are heartbreaking: She was always cynical and not wanting to be caught in her older more succesful family minded sister Jane's shadow, she left… and then refused to come back. And kept doing so…. till FLASH, BANG, Jane…. was in a box and emma came back to mourn her. It sums up death painfully well: that you think you have all the time with a person in the world but sometimes.. it just… it comes up short. Thankfully of the two people i've lost neither were estranged from me but it still hurts not getting to say goodbye and it's clear emma carries a LOT of guilt and thus decided to make something of her life before it was gone.
Jane's death is also a masterful example of stealth setup. It's what i'm now calling when something is setup for later in a franchise or series, but it's not obvious at the time. It's something you likely want expanded but don't realize the creators not only plan to but always did. When watching this even KNOWING Black Friday was a coming I just didn't think that Emma's brother in law would end up not only being a main character but someone who'd help really solidify hatchetfield as a setting. Nor that he'd be played by Dumbledore but that was just pure luck. Nor that he'd end up fucking his wife's ghost possessing a car via the cupholders.
Strange times. Emma is perfectly played, being snarky and standofish as usual at times, utterly sweet with paul, and naturally terrified with any. And while Jon is clearly the background acting mvp here, Lauren deserves props for Emma's combination of horror and "what the fuck am i watching" during Workin boys"
Next up we have Ted.
Ted is played by my boy Joey Richter, another Starkid long timer and while he's missed a few more shows than his fiance, he's still one of their MVP's, starting as a headbanded Ron Weasley broing it out with harry and becoming over time a starship ranger, a kid who talks to his sentient penis, and of course his finest hour, about TWENTY diffrent rolls in the Trail To Oregon. That's not hyperbole: due to the play's stripped down cast, there were only 6 actors (The others being Lauren, Merdeith stephin whose not in this play nor a full time member of the group, though they did come back for A VHS Christmas Carol, Jeff Blim,Jamie Lynn Beatty and Corey Dorris in his best roll to date), and the other 5 were all mains with Jamie having a very small second part and Corey having a sizeable one. In contrast Joey had to play EVERY. OTHER. PART. Which included one song, independence, that was him taking on about 15 diffrent rolls, and had a rapid fire bit, and the role of main villian mcdoon, getting one of his best songs in Wagon on Fire as Result. The man is a fucking god and I hope he and Lauren are very happy together, having been together for years but only gone public with it two years ago to announce their engagment. Given the fandom had been shipping them, not their characters THEM, since AVPM the squee could be heard from the red planet mars.
So i'ts no shock Joey kills it as the office's walking erection, wearing his now trademark mustache, something he's worn in most roles since to the point many assumed he wouldn't be taking over as Peter in NPMD apparently.. forgetting you know.. shaving's a thing. Jeff Blim's shaved and that likely took 80 razors and the will of mighty thor himself to get done.
Joey just has the perfect smarmy accent for ted, one I can't place but juts fits him so well and while being the standard "survivior who no one really likes and is waiting for to die" Joey's charm and charisma make him tolerable and enjoyable. It helps he's not USELESS. While he does betray our heroes for his own selfish needs later, bastard and all, he doe smake some good if dickish points, trying to get Charlotte to see that her husband is well and truly gone (even if it's to sleep with her) and pointing out that Alice is likely already dead and saving her is a suicide mission, which it sadly was. His putting it in the most dickish way possible means it never really takes, but it's nice to show that as much of a bastard as he is, ted isn't entirley useless. His utter glee when watching Workin Boys is also one of the funniest things i've seen in a StarKid production or really in general. He's as into it as we are.
Next up is poor Charlotte, played by Jamie Lynn Beatty. Jamie has played a nice variety of rolls for the team, as shown with her rolls after this playing a basement dweller and the oliva newton john style Ghost of Christmas Past, but has a niche at times playing sad eyed woobies. Jamie's utterly expressive eyes really help. Charlotte is a throughly sad, throughly tragic character, a woman whose clearly still only with her hubsand due to a combination of badly trying to make it work when it's clear Sam, whose cheating on her with Zoey and god knows who else, has long since checked out and stays married to her because
And because she's throughly religious, being presbetarian, and thus refuses a divorce despite cheating on Sam to fill the void, said void only being filled by bastards like Ted. It's part of why I badly want a nightmare time focusing on Charlotte, as the poor woman needs a hug, not to have her zombie husband gaslight her into letting him go then make her one of them. That said the Hive charlotte is fucking awesome, and the high note Jamie hits on "Join Us and Die" is one for the ages. It was hard seeing Charlotte's pain again and knowing it does not nor it never will end well for her.
That said there is an elephant in the room with Jamie and i'm jsut going to adress it now: she's weirdly NEVER gotten a lead roll in any of the hatchefield musicals, and her only nightmare time focusing on her was as the villians. Given how the rest of the main cast of TGDWLM has all gotten an episode a piece (most within season one no less), and that even Melissa recently got one in a fundraising livestream (that I haven't seen but is apparently bonkers), it feels weird though I don't doubt that they've TRIED to do a charlotte story, even announcing one was planned for season 2. It just might not have worked out yet. Hopefully in the future we'll get to see Jamie in the front.
Next up to bat Corey Dorris, my guy. Corey isn't from the very FIRST starkid show, but he's still a UM graduate, GO BLUE!, see I told you it was automatic and showed up as early as Me and My Dick, which again I have to reassure some of you does in fact exist. Fun Fact: it was written about Joey's friendship wth Darren Criss. So yes had we gotten luckier on of Darren Criss' earliest credits would've been a walking talking penis. Your welcome for now knowing that. Point is Corey has been there a long time and the hatchetfield era has seen a thankful up in his promience, going from primarly playing side roles iwth the exception of his great run as Grandpa in trail to oregon even if he had to wake up with blood on his dick and he didn't even know where it came from, to getting either main cast rolls or outright starring turns, as seen with Nightmare Time's "Watcher World" and "Daddy". He's also the troupes longest standing black member, and this era has seen the Langs try to diversify more, with longtime Coregrapher James Tolbert getting bumped up to the cast and hiring Bryce Charles as for Nightmare Time 2, as well as adding the Bisexual Mariah Rose Faith with this musical, the gay Tolbert, and the non-binary Jae Hughes in their respective works. Not a fact I really needed to go out of my way for but I appricate even a small operation like this taking steps to actually open up.
Corey is unsuprsingly fantastic as bill, playing a hilaroiusly awkward dopey dad, but a realistic one: he's not say homer simpson…
He genuinely clearly loves Alice, tries to look out for her and is supportive of her sexuality, which I know is a low bar to clear but I do think it's nice that Alice's sexuality is just a casual thing rather than a source of drama both here and in a spirtual sequel to the duo's plotline here in Watcher World. The issue is a combination of Bill's currently unamed and unseen ex coming off like this
(Gem homer)
When it comes to her budget for trying to win their daughters love, and Bill not knowing how to handle Alice clearly putting some distance between them. The fact Bill really dosen't like Alice's girlfriend Deb and thought it was REMOTELY a good idea to admit it and try to prop up Grace Chastity, another great bit of setup for later musicals, as the ideal instead. One of the few weaknesses of these two is that we don't really get to dive into who they are or why their like this or see Alice as more than just a mildly rebelious teen before she's infected. We get SOME insight with Not Your Seed but it's left deliberately ambiguous what's a lie to get bill to break and what's a painful truth. For the record I think her wanting to live with him and the why does it hurt to love you monologues have some kernel of truth, with the latter being amplified to really harm bill, while "Your right about deb she's a hardcore stoner" is a very obvious lie. IT's part of how brilliant the number and the hives tactics there are: you don't know what it's making up to feed on bill's pain and insecurity, and what's actually true feelings alice had simply amped up to do the screen. Bill gets plenty, but we only see their conflict with each other from his side.
While it is mildly weak though.. I do think it dosen't harm the show as it feels intentional: we only see bill's side.. and that makes Not Your Seed more troubling as we genuinely DIDN'T know till watcher world how the conflict actually worked and never get to thanks to Alice being taken by the hive. We don't know how much Bill blaming himself for the fight that lead to Alice not going back to clivesdale and seeing Deb instead was or if Deb really did do more drugs despite stopping Alice from getting in with the smoke club, aka Joey and Lauren miming three cigarettes at once because their the best. We don't know what's true and what's not or if they coudl've fixed things and thanks to this tragedy we never will. All we know is Bill feels guitly for letting the divorcce happen, for letting his wife take her and for failing to be the dad he wants to be, and that's all the hive needs to seal his doom. It's the point I made: bill can be a dumbass, but any parent can fuck up or simply have problems with thir kid that aren't their fault and the tragedy here is what woul dbe an easily reconcilable fight turned into the death of two people who deserved a happier ending. Thankfully the Langs clearly saw the potetial in the two and thus we get Watcher World with nightmare time. So it's hard to be mad at this for not fleshing them out when it happened later and even in context it's kind of the point.
Finally for our core characters we have Professor Hidgens. Hidgens is played by Robert Manion, aka the elephant in the room. Robert joined starkid breifly for twisted but fully joined and was embraced by the community with this show and it's easy to see why. I will have plenty of praise for his performances here and in Black Friday and Nightmare Time Season 1. It can't be avoided. But neither can the truth: Robert was suspended from the group a year ago, as he'd harassed a member of the band via text and to the langs credit once again, they took it dead seriously, not only bringing in an HR Rep to have an outside perspective and a professoinal to handle this, but suspended Robert… with only WEEKS till Nightmare Time 2, forcing Nick to play Professor Hidgens, and Peter aka Hot Chocolate Boy, while Joey took over as ethan and will be taking over as Peter for Nerdy Prudes Must die. Nick has said he will be allowed to come back both after a resonable time period and taking proper undisclosed steps and so far that period has stretched over a year and into next given the NPMD recasting. If he'll return I do not know and the most I can give RObert for his jackassery.. is that he genuinely apologized, didn't get defensive and is taking his fully deserved supsension with grace and humility instead of whining like a baby that his actions have consequences. Again VERY low bar to clear but given how most harassers and abusers seen in media refuse to admit they did anything wrong or pull a louis ck and do do that but then show up not a year later and act like they still deserve a career. I'll take that.
So very ugly actions aside.. Robert is phenomial as hidgens, giving hi ma rex harrison voice, and somehow making you feel he's an old man depsite being the youngest of the team at the time. He's hammy, hilarious and goofy, being every old man who saw this coming cliche rolled into one turtleneck and neat coat and he's already a faviorite from the start from "Nice try but i'm professor hidgens" to his attempt to get laughs at his charoltte-tan pun, to "You bet your ass we got booze'
But of course where Hidgens/Manion really shines.. is Show Stoppin Number. Good god. I'll gush about the number later but the reveal that Hidgens is actually on the hive's side, a fan of musicals and has his own terrible musical about his 6 boyfriends , Workin Boys: A New Musical that turns out is a transparent parody of a failed broadway musical with basically the same premise from a guy the langs went to school with at UM, Go Blue. Again gotta save this for the music portion as much as it hurts, but god he's brilliant in that moment. The only real flaw is that Hidge's heel turn comes out of goddamn nowhere with no foreshadowing and even then like with Bill, it's pivoted by the fact that it coming out of nowhere makes it more funny and suprising. It's no wonder the fandom took to robert.. and I sincerly hope he's GENUINE in taking the steps to atone for his actions.
Before we can get to our final two cast members, both playing multiple parts, we have to talk about our antagonist: the Hive. The Hive has no main host, thus no actor to break down, being played by EVERYONE in the company at at least one ponit. Even Lauren, who plays the only speaking character who never gets infected, still has a role in the background of la de da day as one of the infected.
The Hive is a masterful antagonist and thankfully unlike some horror villians like Micheal Meyers, finding out more about it later via Nightmare Time 2 didn't diminish it much. It works on it's own as this mysterious force that slowly but surely infects people and goes through a clear evolution in tactics and method. It's first phase of attempts don't exactly come off forceful, but still have some logic: singing as a group in La Dee Da Day is to attempt to get people to follow along, which clearly worked for a lot of people, while they manage to take all but three of CCRP's employees simply by having Davidson work on them one at a time with ONLY paul resisting. They lack finesse, as seen by the fact neither works on paul and their as subtle as Mr. Davidson's need for his wife to choke him out at night, but they clearly worked on a LOT of people.
The next step is force, but even then they don't go full on slasher YET, instead simply using cunning, poisoning a few cups of coffee, then spreading to the police. THey don't know HOW to use this autority, it's hilarious in hindsight knowing that a centuries old entity REALLY dosen't know how cops work at all, but it's clear their starting to learn. It's almost as if this is the first time Pokey has done this, or that the distance between this reality and the black and white mean that he has to relearn stuff he knows. or he's just such a self obessed diva that he forgets this kind of stuff out of habit, with his scheme in "Yellow Jacket" only being so streamlined because he had one target in mind and someone so important to hatchtefield as a whole that he CAN'T forget them no matter how self absorbed he is.
As for who Pokey is for the untiated as i've put it off long enough, Pokey IS the hive. He is Pokotho, The Singular Voice, one of the lords of the black and white, five eldrich abominations each represented by a cuddly toy and cutsey nickname, likely inspired by what seems to be their leader, Wiggly. The Lords are the cause of the weirdness in hatchefield and thus each timeline, and often the world's end, either directly via their machenations and various servants, or indirectly as it's implied there presence is why the local witchwood is so bizzare and why the various bits of messed up shit that happen in each timeline happen.
They largely operate on their own and have their own goals, but can be invoked as a group as part of various bargins with some in hatchetfield.
As you can probably gather this all comes from later in the timeline: The Black and White gets introduced next play as does the first Lord we meet face to face, Wiggly, and Nightmare Time would introduce the rest, all 5 getting a cameo in the final story, and each brother getting a story to themselves with Blinky and Tinky getting introduced in season 1, Nibbly in season 2 and Pokey getting properly reintroduced and fully confirmed as the Hive in the same seasons finale.
From what I can tell Pokey isn't all that diffrent between incarnations, and uses the Meteor as a medium, having it crash here and scientest extracting the blue shit from it in "yellow jacket" leading to him getting an avatar they created there. It also offers some insight that isn't suprising as we're told by a figure I won't introduce JUST yet for those juts tuning in that "he hates every voice but his own. And you can tell: while he tries to be nice to Pokey ANYTHING but his voice , his version of a person is anthemea. It explains why he's so ungodly cruel when he really gets going, gleefully using Charlotte's dead husband and bill's dead daughter to manipulate them and instead of just jumping emma as soon as he got the chance since he clearly had a number of hosts ready, teasing her with the idea Paul's alive. To him defying his will, his voice is worse: the only happiness is in the hive, wtih him. He'll give you what you want sure.. but at the cost of who you are because to him that's all that matters. It's likely why his medium's more limited than his brothers, who seem to have an easier time reaching otu: it's likely none of them want to give him the faintest chance of enough power to take them on and given he's the only lord to have outright taken a world, their fear isn't unujustified.
It's what makes Pokey so terrifying: They seem to want what's best for humanity.. but see a complete lack of will from anything but itself as best. Nothing will stop it, there's no depths it won't sink to torture you, and you WILL be part of the hive. I've always felt the best horror villians are one with a bit of personality and Pokey hits that itch like a bullseye. He's operatic, selfish and nightmarish, being a primadonna director with the goey face of an elder god who you can't bargin with. Just give up your choice. He dosen't feel overpowered becfause while abbsurdly powerful, the horror comes from the fact that they MIGHT have been able to stop him at a few hosts.. but by the time they realize it he's won and the rest of the musical comes off as him just playing with his food. A clever unstoppable meance that chills you to the bone and is remarkably well written given half a dozen people play him, yet all play him consitent, with the same chilling instance on being the singular voice. One being, dozens of bodies, no escape.
So speaking of dozens of bodies we're on to our other ingenue, our newest addition and one who like the other remaning cast members plays a bunch of extra rolls, Mariah Rose Faith Castiles, just the first three at the time of this as she's since married. She's a wonderful, kind person and a clear talent that fit right in. She's also like Jon heavily tied to this franchise having only missed one show, Black Friday due to getting a part in Mean Girls, something that was sad but also good for her. The Pandemic meant she was avaliable for Nightmare Time and after quitting the tour due to her anxiety she's back for NPD and we're glad to have her.
Mariah plays four roles in this one: Melissa, CCRP's receptionist who has a crush on Paul and dosen't show up much, Zoey, Emma's bratty coworker whose having an affair with sam, Alice, Bill's Daughter and Greenpeace girl, a GP volunteer who paul pisses off by trying to brush off.
Since 3/4 of these characters show up hived on screen she spends most of her screentime as the Hive and does a terrific job, being jolly yet clearly off in La Dee Da Day, creepily monotone in cup of poison coffee nad finally heartbreakingly nightmarish as Alice, as she uses every insecurity bill has to tear the poor guy apart. She gets a truly great scene as Hive!Zoey to oas our heroes almost escape only to reveal nope, hive's flying the plane. It's no wonder Nick wanted her to play the lead as Lex next time, and she got her chance with Nerdy Prudes Must Die as Stephanie… and as fate would have it Grace Chasity , her co-lead is played by Angela Giratina, her replacement as Lex and as has become clear via streams and the Yellow Jacket music vidoew, a now good friend in real life which I find as strange as I do sweet.
Finally for cast introductions we have Jeff Motherfucking Blim, my boy. who with this muiscla finally got to use his now iconic unshaven coked out jesus look on screen. This is how I met Jeff but he'd been around a while: When Joey coudln't do Holy Musical Batman!, Jeff stepped in as Sweet Tooth, and hammed it up so hard he earned a permeannt spot with the group, going on to play the best version of ALaddin. What would lead to his rise here though was the Trail To Oregon, an orgen trail spoff he wrote and wrote the music for. So with former music makers Talk Fine moving on to do their own stuff, Jeff was the natural choice to step in as Starkid's prime music meister, with Talk Fine head Clark Backstresser only stepping back in for a VHS chrismtas Carol. Hatchetfield feels almost as much Jeff's baby as it does Nick and Matt's, and he really gets to flex his musical muscles with this franchise getting even better with each production.
We'll talk more about his music in a moment but as an actor, Jeff is fucking hinged, having a great habbit for ham, hilarity and looking abosltuely nuts in the best way possible. Case in point while he does a good Bill Lundberg as Mr. Davidson before he gets infected, post infectoin Davidson is one of the best things i've ever seen, a perpetual creepy yet hilarious smile, an inablity to show a woman's curves without having 8 of them, and jolliy telling Paul to stay whlie he tells his wife he wants her to choke him while he jerks off. The musical plays to his strengths, with Sam being likewise unhinged if not as smily , getting to ham it up with terrible love song you tied up my heart, and while he's more calm as Col John Mcnamar of PEIP, a secret orignation against the parnormal, he's still hammy, gladly throwing jon's phone before iconicallyt elling him to wear a watch instead of just… you know.. not destroying his property and only means of calling his friends. I get something as important as time deserves it's own device but still man. He's had a hell of a day. He also does a chilling job with the very heavy "America is Great Again", proving the guy can be chilling when needed.. something we'll see all too well when we get to Nightmare Time.
So with that we're down to the various other roles played by the rest of the cast. Manion's other major roll is Hot Chcolate Boy, aka Peter. He's a delight, Emma's Boss, she's really fogerattble other than, since the Langs likely realized "Shit charlotte is dead", the "All your best friends are here" gag in the starlight showdown, A Homeless man who will be vastly important, utterly steals la de da day, and freaks paul out expertly and of course future star of Hatchetfield Man in a Hurry. He was written to just say "i'm in a hurry" in the script but Jeff eventually just kept brushing past so much that he was brought back for black friday and flanderized from just some uncaring jackass with a scarf and a trench coat who keeps showing up places you REALLY shoudln't go to when your in a hurry. We are truly blessed for that. So that leads us to one of the most important and vital parts of Starkid and this show, the Music. Show Stoppin Numbers
The soundtrack for TGWDLM is postively packed. As i've made clear there's only one song I really DON'T like on the whole soundtrack and we'll get to it. The gimmick of it all being the hive gives things a unique vibe with the music not being our heroes inner yearnings but a sign shits about to get bad. While this isn't Jeff's first kickass starkid score it's the one that really showed what he can do, trapsing all around genres and theater standard types of songs to make this catchy earwormy soundtrack.
The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is our title track and gets us going out of the gate. It's omnious as it goes on much like the musical, with the Hive going from talking up how great musicals are and how great.. to asking "should we kill him? Should we kill him?" for paul not wanting to sing and dance with them all, and calling him a bitch, an ass and a cuck (not a cock like I thoguht for some time), for not joining in their singing season. The part where paul dosen't show up on queue is also fucking gold. Music wise it's lively a true all timer of an opening number
Faviorite Part: Joey's "But tonight we're gonna chroncile a story so astronomical!" just the way he says it is so perfectly hammy.
La Dee Da Day is a great parody of those big showy crowd numbers musicals have, being a great one in it's own right…j while parodying the usual cheerfulness of that sort of thing with how unnerving it comes off for poor paul and of course the homeless man… who "used to want to kill them all while high on bathsalt zombie drugs snacking on a dead mans face", with small horrible implicatoins hidden from the GPG throwing "my old skin away" to how "a song takes all the pain away" for the old homeless man meaning evne if the hive puppets can FEEL the pain it uses them anyway. ti's nicely done
Best Part: Gave a clue but as you can probably guess the Homeless Man's horrifying yet hilarous rant. The only downgrade for the soundtrack version is Paul's confused "What" is missing, which I fell really completes the joke. as does Joey getting entirely up in his face as he gets more intense.
THen of course we get one of my faviorite numbers and performances: What Do You Want Paul? This is where I fell in love with Jeff Blim folks, as his giant horrifying smile during the whole thing is one of the funniest goddamn things mankind has ever created. Making an I want song into a song about how someone wants the main protagnist to want like an I want song is fucking brilliant and is every bit as hilaroius as it sounds. Pauls utter confusion and horror the whole time, especially once we get to "I want you to choke me out at night" is hilarious. Speaking of which that is one of the funniest things Team StarKid has EVER done. I mean it. The sudden pivot to that, Jon's perfectly timed discomfort and just how beautifully and straightlaced Jeff holds it, as well as his offhand "if you leave your fired" to paul… i'm tearing up laughing NOW just thinking about it. It's one of only two songs that I went back to.
Best Part: "I want you to choke me while I jerk off", both for Paul's reaction of who is this for and just for being one of the most excellent comedic swerves starkid has ever done.
Cup of Roasted/Poison Coffee is fine. It's mildly annoying but it feels like the point, that it's SUPPOSED to be the annoying half assed kind of jingle Beanies would have.. and makes it that much more horrifying when we get the Poisoned version, and the hey mr buisness how do you do as the newley hived corpses join in. Chilling.
Best Part: Again the hey mr buisness part after all those people what get murdered.
Show Me Your Hands is another comedic goldmine. It not only feels like subtle commentary on the police ("WE make sense") but is packed with great ham from jeff, great deadpan from mariah and robert frigging breakdancing. It comes off like a bunch of 12 year olds playing cops in the bodies of actual cops.. which might be a good nightmare time story down the line Langs. You can have it for free.
Best Part: "Your cat is dead". Just the delivery alone is enough. Thank you so much Mariah.
You Tied Up My heart
Yeah as i've made no secret of I hate this fucking thing. In concept it's not bad, a cheesy love ballad that's the hive tricking charlotte and look, Jeff's music and vocals are fine. But with the both obvious solution, the seriousness of what he's doing, and just the sheer length this thing wears on you. What should be horrifying, the hive gaslighting charlotte becomes an endurance test. It's also baffling as Jeff did an absolute banger of a ballad "When the World's At Stake" for Trail to Oregon so I don't know what happened here. I'm more baffled because he can do better. It's not even god awful, it's just.. not good.
Best Part: That shriek of "Charlotte!". It's the one thing about the song I can compliment
Join Us and Die is thankfully 800 times better, giving Jamie a chance to fucking belt it and being an acting ending powerhouse. Like the songs before that thing that happened, ti's comedy packed, the last bit about beating up Ted styled like "Bop It" is fucking magical. A truly electric villian song
Best Part: "it is time to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" I love that woman, how she did that I don't know but holy shit.
Not Your Seed is fucking incredible. While Mariah got to sing before and got a bit of a showcase with La De Da Day, here she REALLY gets to show how impressive her voice and acting are. Not Your Seed is just 2 and a half brilliant minutes of Mariah absolutely killing it on the stage, and utterly shredding poor bill to pieces. The slow pacing only drags out the pain for bill and feels delebrate, like Pokey WANTED this to fucking hurt him for as long as possible for surviving this long, to make Paul WATCH for his defiance as Pokey broke his best friend. Especially "you let me out of your sight for one second" just the rapid delivery of that and "didn't you know I wanted to live with you" hit like a fucking truck. She's the top. Look What Happens Nightmare Time would also give us the series definitive cords and the title for it's anthology show. Nicely done
Best Part: Very fucking hard. Mariah does not make this easy. But Why Does It Hurt To Love you gets me as it's this sudden, painful, and probably HONEST, taking Alice's real emotions break that REALLY guts you and sadly poor bill. Thankfully not literally. As tragic as that headshot was at least it was quick.
Show Stopping Number has the thankfless task of following up one of the shows best numbers.. so naturally it's also one of the shows best and what's become it's signature piece.
Robert fucking owns the stage as hidgens, first with the slower tunes leading in..a nd then with the falsetto switch when he decides to intro Workin Boys. Just the shift from the old man voice which is still BEAUTIFULLY sung in a crooner bing crosbyish style to Robert's more natural register… how are this man's lungs human? I shoudlnt' have to tell you returning starkids that Workin Boys is one of the best jokes ever crafted, from being a clear pisstake on Glory Days (something I didn't know but somehow makes it funnier once you do, as Glory Days is every bit as prentious, stupid and nostalgia baity as WOrkin Boys from the looks of it), to Roberts great dance moves (coregraphed by lauren) to the great hook of "five o clock can't come soon enough". IT's fucking magic. i may have.. complicated feeligns about robert I already talked about at lenght, btu I can't deny workin boys is great nor that i'm excited for the short film, which I hope gets released publicly in some form. The first song already has me hyped. And yes there's a short film: MANY people wanted Workin Boys to be a full musical which while understandable wasn't something that would really work given it was deisgnd to be a parody, hence instead compromising with a short ABOUT Hidgens actually getting to make it as part of Black Friday's backer goals.
Best Part: BUISNESS CALLS I'M UP TO MY ASS IN SHIT, WHAT IS THIS BUISNESS. I mean that entire part, including the phone call desreves it but i'm calling out the sudden shift and hte hilaroity of that first line itself. I'm not entirley convinced that this was salvaged from them TRYING to make a full on parody of glory days at some point.
America is Great Again gets a bad wrap as i've seen it shockingly low on several hatchetfield ranking lists on youtube and along with John's other song, which we'll get to I feel is underrated. It's a chilling song and while it's politics are welded to it's sleeves, given the Langs had a friend outright quit to become a lawyer over the election , it's clear it REALLY hit them hard. And frankly as MANY bros tend to forget, Poltics and political satire are baked into horror. So while it's in your face about it's critques of trumpisim (The loud has become the strong).. it's not exactly wrong. The you can't run and easily disposed parts espcially given the kind of legslation put on women's bodies and LBGTQ+ peoples lately and general hostility to anyone diffrent period. The fact this hasn't gone away with the election really just makes this song hold up that much more.
Best Part: The Final Solution onward. Just how horrifying it is mixed with Jeff's ham.. perfect.
So we've come to my faviorite song, Let It Out. This song is pure brilliance as is the staging, with the hive all on the fringes urging paul to let it out because they know their victory isn't not a matter of how but a matter of when. Of course the man treat and the thing tha tbrings this is Jon Mattensons' performance, effortlessly switching between paul and the hive, going from pained horror to having a smile painted on his soul like it was nothing. It shows in the voice, with paul's panicked speech constrated with the hvie's plastic singing and when Paul does sing he's barely there. it's one of the best horror freakouts i've ever seen, and trust me that threeshold is vast and expansive. The ending shout of "I don't like musicals' is badass.. and sadly futile as his fate
Is "Ineveitble", our final soong and a nice cruel twist on big splashy finales. Most musical finales , those that end happy anyway are about lifting you up, really reving you up as you get out of the theater and giving you hope for tommorow. Even pretty grim works like "Spring Awakening" can end on a nope of hope. This one? Nah. This one takes your heart and smashes to bit, forcing you, much like emma to watch as a puppeteered paul sings several even more warped version osf the score at her while trying to convince her that the horrible monster she's been fighting is a good thing and that the world became "peaceful and just".
It's truly haunting and sadly catchy as hell so we're pretty much fucked i'd say. Watching emma run around desperate to escape as it's clear ther eisn't, i'ts at ruly chilling way to end a truly excellent musical.
So thus we close a curtain on one Hatchetfield. If all goes well I'll be covering Black Friday next month , then possibly taking a break for december before getting into nightmare time next year. This could change as when push comes to shove to feed the hive that is my bank account I HAVE to proritze the reviews I do on comission, but i intend to try my damdenst to get the review out around the actual black friday. I hope you all enjoyed this as it was a LOT to get done, but it was a true labor of love. This is one of my faviorite musicals and I was glad to dig through it with a fine toothed comb and I can only hope a few years after it's release my analysis isn't too played out. Stick around if you enjoyed this for more reviews, don't be afraid to reblog it or join my patreon to help keep this blog going, and thank you once again so much for reading. I'll see you in line for a Tickle Me Wiggly.
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Ok, please explain the your theory about 1D reuniting at Michael and Crystal’s wedding?? You can’t just drop that in the tags and not explain. Were there pictures? I’ve never seen pictures of any pictures of any of the 1D guys there. If this really happened and they actually released pictures onto the internet, then I’m shocked that I haven’t seen them yet, since the we get private pictures of Harry at the weddings of family and non famous friends all the time.
It’s weird to me that all the 1D guys try to downplay their friendships after the band split. They reel us that they talk but they try not to admit to hanging out in person. At least that what I and some fans suspect: they spend a lot more time together than they show us. About a year ago Niall finally confirmed that a picture of him and Harry at a park wearing masks in 2021 really was them hanging out. So we know they hangout in pairs. Those of us that think Larry and Ziam are going strong assume those guys live together when they aren’t traveling for work. I think all five guys in 1D are still friends and hangout sometimes, but I have no proof.
Similarly, I feel like none of the 1D guys act like they are close to any of the 5SOS guys anymore, and Vice Versa. I saw an interview a few years ago where Ashton said he ran into Niall while hiking around LA and they said “hi” but didn’t talk or hangout more than that. That could be true, but it seems odd to me that 5sos don’t hangout with Niall more in particular, since Wikipedia tells me they all own homes in the same neighborhood in Laurel Canyon in LA. Ashton just moved, so maybe that’s not the case anymore. I get the impression that Harry, Louis, Liam and Zayn all spend most of their free time in England when they aren’t traveling, and they go to LA mostly for work. But I think Niall and Shawn have made LA their home base.
okay. so. with the caveat that I know very little about the guys from one direction. I'm going solely off this clip I saw on Instagram (don't know the source of, guessing it was some interview or livestream) where michael is talking about his wedding. he talks about how luke and sierra did a song for him, and then someone asks about one direction reuniting for it and he's like yeah, i think he said they performed a song but my memory is a little fuzzy, maybe they just came idk. i know michael and crystal did get married in secret in a ceremony that was smaller than planned due to covid, i'm not 100% sure if they did a bigger reception thingo later or not, but they didn't share any pictures until about a year later and even then, not that many. i'm guessing they didn't want to share pics of everyone who was there bc they knew how this would go down?? either that or i imagined the whole clip which is--not completely impossible. I'm pretty sure it happened though and I don't see why mike would lie.
and tbh I don't really pay attention to who they all hang out with?? like i can name the places in sydney luke posted in his most recent photo dump but that's because it's like my turf yknow?? other than that, what they get up to is up to them and if I see something funny or relatable I will talk about it, if not, monkey brain does not engage at all. so honestly i have no idea how close they all are. from what I see ash isn't super close with 1d but that makes sense, whereas from what I've seen when they used to tour together and stuff it seems that michael was the closest to all of them (I could be wrong) and so it'd kinda make sense for them to come to his wedding? that's all I've got. could try to find the clip but honestly I haven't seen it since
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Leverage Redemption Log: The Golf Job
Thats Golf with an O not a U. (so its not about BP) its also notably with an F not a D so its not about Hardison returning to learn a lesson on the importance of simplicity in the art of the con either.
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five-hundred and four nails. Thats a large and incredibly specific number of nails (wether hardware or keratin)
Migrant labour, phones and families held hostage.
Well our mark at least knows talent when he sees it.
Welcome to America kid, where "upwards mobility" means a sherpa carrying a drunken white man up Mt Everest.
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HURLEY?!
I mean i knew you were still around cause Parker mentioned you earlier but to see you is another story.
Breanna is at a coding-camp to get her skills improved.
Ok so i know from the TVtropes page of the OG series that there was a korean spin-off, so im assuming that this is a reference to the Korean Spin-off.
But apparently Hurley went from "no longer doing crime" to "I swear im no longer doing crime unless im conned by a hot nun" to "fuck it, if I cant live a life of non-crime i'll at least have someone I trust decide which crimes im doing".
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Golfing trip. Harry loses his ball and stumbles across our Mark.
Harry overhears the less-usefull half of the conversation (basically only knows about a "liquidity issue") and witnesses Bao get threatened.
Elliot is at this point so familiar with the whole "busman's holiday" thing that he no longer finds the irony funny anymore.
Ah im starting to realise whats happening. The halloween episode was a "girls night out" and this is the "boys night out" episode. But cause Hardison is only available as a special guest they had to bring in Hurley to avoid working a 2-man crew.
Harry's first time having to do an actual B&E himself.
Meanwhile elliot is doing his "pretend to be a creepy rich guy oggling the staff who arent paid enough to put up with it" con. (not a fan)
Hurley is getting the money by rolling pockets as a server.
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And Harry needs to figure out a password. First two tries fail (both decent guesses) and he knows a third failure will lock him out so he tries Breanna, who is unfortunately unavailable for reasons of coding camp.
Oh he's resorted to Social Engineering, taking a leaf out of Sophie's book. Lets see how it plays out for him.
And He's Done It! (Maybe "Imaloser" is a bit on the nose, but it fits the character of "disgruntled IT guy who is sick of these idiots not doing this right")
Something bad enough that Harry's old employers wouldnt be willing to keep it on their servers lest it damage them? Thats bad.
And Harry almost got compromised but quickly pulls the "this is my office" and stealthily distracts her while he removes the pictureframes. He's getting good at this. (but also, he was never bad at it. His first self-made heist was pretty well thought out with exception to the whole "insurance would've covered it" thing.)
little bit more social engineering and he's got access to the paper files (unfortunately he slips and gives himself slightly away, both with his rant on how lawyers are scum and the daughter thing. Yes Saphron has a child but its a baby, not remotely old enough to be someone she'd remind him of)
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Elliot getting confused on the various stupid con-names. (good gag.)
Sophie doing her part of the con in a cameo. (wonder if this is gonna be a repeat of the Girls Night Out Job and next episode lets us see why she's wearnig a moustache in a monastary, but i dont think so)
poor guy's gonna be on hold for hours isnt he...
great dart-throw though. Impressive.
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I like Bao's little story about the Golf-club of the Lake. Hurley is trying to reach out but unfortunately, fear is still winning (cause hostages at the nail-salon)
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Harry is taking his understudy on an all-expenses spa-day.
Oh she's calling him out earlier then expected (harry is not that good of an actor) but he reaches out and works her on their side.
Greenscreen Parker is rather uncanny valley.
So yeah, he's a human trafficker.
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And we're back to continuity-jokes (thin blue line and that one where he played baseball)
Repeat of Sophie's advice.
Ah the magic words... god i hate those.
Hurley reverse-engineers the secret to Elliots power: The more Chaos, the better the Elliot.
Little "chaotic Hurley" montage (the keys, thats just low)
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Operation Ultrakaren is a go!
And Hurley is going into withdrawal,
Well Harry is definitly undeniably outed to his old company now. (i mean they already suspected, but now Saphron knows)
"shoulda yelled two". a solid 2/2.
bows on everything, wrap-up at the theatre.
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Skinhead boyfriend, lol Marte, you made me laugh! Have you seen that printscreen of a conversation how some fan supposed to witness him during his stunt swim this week and they were teriffied he’s (probably if we believe them) keeping the hairstyle? What’s you opinion on their reaction? I really find it gross but also lowkey hope he will keep it so these wannabe fans who like him only for his looks will unstan him and move to someone else.
Happy to make you laugh, anon!
Lol, yeah i've seen it and i giggled. I think the no-hair look of his is horrendous. His hair has always been the USP for him so it's a blow. It doesn’t suit him at all, but it's just hair at the end of the day. He's still Harry. He can do whatever he wants, the little rebel. He's having to get used to being referred to as a skinhead, baldy, eggy and other funny names though as long as he keeps his hair that way. I don't mind fans running away from him because of the hair either. Maybe that was his plan all along.
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I can’t imagine what being a Harry Potter fan is like now as people will be so quick to call you transphobic. It’s to the point where when Hogwarts Legacy came out you could literally be hate harassed by people for playing it.
//I don't think that's fair at all. I get WHY people are saying that, but I still think that innocent fans should live and let live. I know that's asking a lot, but still.
//I have a couple of trans friends who like Harry Potter a lot, which I find weirdly funny actually.
//But even though I know the controversy is already way past us by this point, there is something I want to quickly say about that whole situation, namely with people wanting to boycott the game to scam Rowling out of money.
//IT WILL NEVER WORK!
//According to the 2021 Sunday Times Rich List, Rowling is worth an estimated £820 million, making her the 196th richest person in the United Kingdom. She also owns a £2 million house in Edinburgh and a £4.5 million Georgian house in Kensington as of 2020.
//She's already got all the money she needs to push her trans hate movements or whatever the fuck she's doing with her life right now. Saying you're gonna do things like not buy Hogwarts Legacy or stop going to Universal Studio's doesn't matter! She knows that, and it's not gonna get to her like you think it will!
//If people ACTUALLY cared, they'd personally stage marches or go to Warner Bros studios or whomever the fuck she works with and try and make their voices heard, but what do they do instead of that?
//They waste their time being dickheads and cancel random people on twitter for the crime of breathing about Hogwarts Legacy, that's what. They go online and take their frustration and guilt tripping tactics out on the wrong people.
//It's fine to shit on people who support scum like her, but at the end of the day, that doesn't solve the problem. Just move on with your life; there are thousands of better things you can be doing than wasting time on a bitch who is in every way a lost cause.
-Mod
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confessions of a pissed-off wannabe marauder
I once was a Harry Potter fan.
I was given the first book as a gift from a relative and refused to read it for a while. Then I read it and fell in love with it. I was maybe seven or eight at the time. I refused to read the next books for a while but eventually got around to the Chamber of Secrets, then Prisoner of Azkaban, and so forth.
I remember the deep and abiding HATRED little ten-year-old me felt for Umbridge. I remember feeling like I’d been punched in the stomach upon Sirius’s death. By the time I got to Deathly Hallows I was just sort of numb. Although I did feel excess shock upon Fred Weasley’s death.
I never much liked arguments. Or romance. Half-Blood Prince and Goblet of Fire were a bit of a drag that way. I don’t really give a fuck about who snogged who, you know? I just want my magic and friendship and mystery. And it was amazing when that came.
Then the transphobia came.
For a while I was still a Harry Potter fan. Desperately clinging onto a fading specter of escapism I no longer had, and I knew it. I refused to accept it though. Crying over why did JK have to do this, why won’t she apologize, why why why. Then everyone else starts pointing out things wrong with the series and I start shutting down.
Eventually I left the Harry Potter fandom. For my own good. The reassurances that ‘the books are yours now’ didn’t help. I tried to replace it with The Owl House, but it didn’t work for… convoluted reasons. I don’t feel comfortable explaining the whole story here.
I somewhat enjoy HP fanfiction now, because really the entire fandom hates JK at this point and if another fan is writing the characters I have the comfort of knowing they aren’t the same as canon. I don’t have to live with the worry that they carry the same prejudices as that bitch and goodness knows what else besides.
I have three very close friends in a group with me. Sometimes I mentally aliken us to the Marauders, it’s fun. But then I look at us and I feel guilty. We all grew up with Harry Potter and I may enjoy fanfiction, but my friends and to an extent me are people JKR actively hates and looks to destroy. And yes, before you ask, two of us are trans.
Oscar. Half-asian and brown. Funniest kid I’ve ever known, absolutely full of life, can perfectly contrast between serious and funny. Get yourself a friend like Oscar. But even so, he is half-asian, and I can’t help but feel JKR would dismiss him or use him to pat herself on the back. Harry Potter is undeniably a very white story, and also he’s a trans ally. Unforgivable I know.
Aaron. A trans boy who came out last year. Has the most sanity out of all of us. If there was ever a voice of reason he is it. Acts the least crazy, is the least crazy. But in JKR’s eyes, he is crazy. A ‘poor lost lesbian being groomed into being a boy’. How cute, she’s pretending she cares about lesbians. But she remains insistent that trans boys- that Aaron – are being exposed to ‘conversion therapy’. She pities Aaron for problems he does not have. She views Aaron as a ‘problem’. She likes to think she’s ‘saving Alice’ instead of destroying Aaron. (Alice is not Aaron’s actual deadname. But I do not think I have the right to reveal it in a public place.)
Ashley. Oh GOD Ashley. Loud, popular, liked by pretty much everyone, absolute best friends with Aaron. JKR hates her guts. In her eyes she is not Ashley but a ‘penised individual’. ‘A fox pretending to be a hen to get into the henhouse’. She sees her and girls like her as dangerous. She actively wants her GONE. I feel like she’d kill her if she could. She is nothing short of a threat to the existence of Ashley and girls like her.
And me. Since I’ve revealed everyone else’s real names I may as well reveal mine.
Rose. I prefer Rose Helen because Helen is my middle name and I think Rose Helen sounds cooler. I try to find somewhere to escape, I hang with my friends, sometimes we do stuff together. I think of myself as perfectly normal (Thank you very much. Haha.). I do lean into the oracle-card herbal-charm parts of witchcraft and enjoy it. I also happen to be a trans ally and someone hurt over JKR’s comments, or at least I have hurt feelings.
She’s also rather misogynistic, I’ve noticed. The treatment of Lavender and Parvati, calling Fleur a cow and mocking her accent in the text when she did NOTHING wrong, and there’s the fact that she praised Matt Walsh for ‘What is a Woman?’. I’ll say it now. If you ally with Matt Walsh, take the word ‘feminist’ out of any part of your identity.
Someone once asked her what she did knowing she’d lost so many fans over her transphobia. She replied ‘I dry my tears with my checks’ or something along those lines. Seeing that, I think, was the moment that really solidified it for me.
JKR doesn’t care about me. Who knows if she ever cared? I’m a pound note in her eyes. A piece of insignificant, lost money. And who cares about losing a pound when you’re a millionaire? An awful, dangerous, bigoted millionaire.
My friends she hates. Me she hates. And who knows if she cared before? She’s nothing but a transphobic, sexist prick who doesn’t know how minorities work.
I’m into the fanfiction Marauders. But I look at us – a collection of people JKR actively hates – and I can’t help but wonder if I’m hurting my friends too.
Imagining us as creations of a bigot. A bigot who wants us gone.
Fuck Joanne.
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Flake's podcast - girl names
published 2020-09-03
Songs with girlnames in the title, there are loads of them, and Flake plays a few in this podcast, slightly inspired by an akward anecdote (riight at the beginning) when he remembers talking to a girl in a bar in his youth, taking her home to spend the night, driving her back into town the next morning, trying a "that was fun, do you want to meet again" and her answering "what's my name?" and Flake having to admit he didn't know 😄
He sticks very close to the theme this time, playing the songs with little rambling in between the various artists, mostly men, although Flake did manage to find a few ladies doing a song with a girl's name in it: Valerie by Amy Winehouse and at 0h38 Christine by Siouxsie and the Banshees, although with the last Flake is not completely sure if it's about a girl, or about a car (like in that movie with the same name), but he thinks it's interesting for a woman to sing about a car too (female fans who want to draw Flake's interest: take note 😊).
A few short anecdotes here and there from his younger years: 1h12 Jose Feliciano whose work was available in the GDR and they bought anything that was from the west (but Flake actually thinks Jose has an interesting touch to his songs), or at 1h05 his gran watching (well, not really because she was blind in old age) the yearly Carnaval broadcast from Cologne or Mainz on tv (very popular tv-broadcasts in Germany) because she liked to see the kids in their outfits, making Flake wonder if kids performing are really just because adults like to see that, kids rather watch and listen to grown up music.
The one time Rammstein gets a mention is funny enough not about a girl: after a song by Harry Bellafonte (1h06), Flake starts a ramble about sons of famous people and how it's not always easy for them (Flake, i think, mixing up some anecdotes from gossip magz, so i won't repeat them 😊), and then tells us how a guy came backstage at a Rammstein concert once, bit of a scruffy, bearded guy, who wanted to meet the band. They asked him his name and when he said 'John Lennon', they asked him to leave. Which he did. Obviously it turns out it was John's son 'Sean Lennon', and Flake still hasn't met him after that. 😊
🎹
more of my takes on Flake's podcasts
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I’m not sure if you still do matchups but if you do could I get one for Gotham, Harry Potter, and for Stranger things please?
I’m 19, and 5 foot 2 inch tall. I’m on the skinnier side at like a solid 110 lbs with a bit of a tummy. I also get told alot I have a baby face and look younger than I am. I’m also on the weaker side, but I’m quick and generally pretty agile.
I am Non-Binary (She/He/They) but present feminine and while all terms are fine gender wise I tend to use feminine terms like Girlfriend or Mother for example. I’m also Queer, I just am really attracted to anyone and don’t use labels but I tend to have a preference for men.
I have shoulder length black hair and bangs and my hair has a bit of wave too it and is pretty fluffy most of the time. I also have green eyes.
My style is kind of a combo of Punk and Emo depending on my mood for the day, I wear a lot of Black with Reds or Purples.
I’m into a lot of alternative rock music like MCR, Fall out boy, (old) Pan!c at the disco, Falling in reverse, ect. But I also like Midwestern Emo, Classic rock, Punk, Really most rock adjacent genres- and I actually really enjoy Classical music!
(I’m also a bit of a theatre kid!)
I’m quite the nerd and some of my favorite things are Marvel(I’m a big Spider-Man fan), Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Lord of the Rings, Dungeons & Dragons, Gotham, Stranger things, I love a lot of horror, Slasher, and thriller movies.
I also really love animals, I have a fear of the ocean and bugs so not like fish or insects. BUT Mammals I really love. From cats to bears to Opossums, you name it. Love all the furry little friends.
I have social anxiety and autism so alot of the time I struggle talking to people and making friends, I’m more on the shy side as I worry about embarrassing myself. I tend to open up more as I get closer to people and over time I become my loud and fun self. I’d say I’m a pretty funny person, I’m pretty giggly and it’s not at all hard to make me laugh.
My love language primarily is physical touch- I am very clingy to my partner, I’m a big cuddler. I like to always have some point of contact weather that be hugging or holding hands or even just our legs touching slightly. but I honestly really enjoy all the love languages, and especially love giving my partners gifts and words of affirmation.
I would do like anything for the person I love, even if I gotta fight someone to protect them I’ll do it! The people I’m close to mean alot to me and I’d be willing to put myself in danger if it means keeping them safe.
It also doesn’t help that I tend to get attached to people pretty quickly.
And it’s quite often I act impulsively and act without thinking too much into it. Like say, punching someone in the face because they insulted my partner. Probably should have taken a moment to think and NOT done that but hey- worth it.
And that’s all I could think of, hopefully it’s enough and also sorry if you don’t do matchups anymore I’m like new to finding your account but I love all the stuff I’ve read of yours!!
I think for Gotham
He fits your aesthetic. I also feel he would understand you being shy and help you. He also loves animals and would love a pet. I think you would share hobbies.
He is actually really sweet to you. He loves the way you dress and all the colors. He will help you when you feel shy or scared. He is always there for your ups and downs.
I think she would be so sweet and understanding. She loves your aesthetic and will let you give her makeovers sometimes. Compliments 24/7. Takes you to letting zoos and other animal places.
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The Right Thing to Do “live commentary” - Part I of the “Rights and Wrongs” series, by LovesBitca8
Here we go again! I have decided to go for this series next. I originally was going to go ahead and read The Auction (ovaries still growing to required size to read Manacled) but i found out that it’s part three of a series??? I’m not sure if it’s 100% necessary to read the two before? (TRTTD and ATWT) so if anyone would be so kind to clarify, thanks in advance!
Anyways, as it says The Auction is part three, my brain can no longer go ahead and just read it- i have to go in order now 😤. So yeah! Let’s crack on, shall we? I have already done a “live commentary” about The Fallout and DMATMOOBIL, i didn’t do one on Isolation but i wish i did, it was perfection, btw. Anyways this is not a “proper” review or critique, just my thoughts while reading, and i don’t even know why i’m writing like i have an audience waiting for me to do this again lol the delusion ~ i will pin this to the top of my profile and update by editing the same post, so yeah! And now without ACTUAL further adue…
Day one: i’m really enjoying this fic so far! I’m on chapter 9, and it feels really “fresh” and “young”, probably bc it’s only a year and a half after the war and the characters are just becoming young adults. It’s always funny to read how they go straight into working for the Ministry and don’t really take a few years to “go to college” lol. It’s nice and a bit more fast-paced, shorter chapters and relatively open descriptions of places and people, which i too appreciate, so my mind can kind of “create” and work around it to imagine the world and ppl around the story. It’s a very nice change of style, and i have just read the reference for The Auction! So clever, i wonder if the author was already thinking about / writing that fic by this time? Anyways, less than a week til i go back to school and won’t have much time to read :( so i will happily destroy whats left of my eyesight to finish this fic before sunday hehe… been thinking about getting a Kindle! I found out you can read fics on there too! (I’m so NOT knowledgeable on this front lol) any suggestions about it?
Day three: chapter 25! We are making good progress! I’m liking how things are going, pretty interesting twist of events! I’m finding it a teenzy bit hard to get ober Lucius Malfoy being “civil” towards hermione, and sometimes Draco’s behavior is a bit too “casual” with other people and colleagues for my brain to comprehend, i guess I’m used to him still a bit cold towards the general public, just because he is more reserved and weary in general. The rest is fitting just fine! I like the bit of banter between ginny, hermione and harry! I’ve never really been a *huge* fan of Ron, be it on the books or the movies, i just think our girl could do SO much better than ending up with him… she pretty muchwas his mom throughout their entire relationship (ok, enough ranting, that’s a topic for another time, sorry to all the romione fandom). Anyways, what i wanted to get to with that last idea, was that i rrally like the trio with Ginny instead of Ronald lol sorry Ron!
I just reached the a/n where the author says there’s alteady three chapters drafted for The Auction! Exciting! We’ll update soon!
Day four: ok, i’m getting a bit annoyed with Hermione’s attitude at work. Like, why would you talk back at your BOSS like that? Doesn’t matter what’s happening between them, you don’t disrespect the person who gave you the chance to do something of your career. I get it, he “used her name” or whatever (it doesn’t even mean anything, if she didn’t bite the bait, he would be left embarassed in front of people like Walter), but dude: the man’s your boss! Why does she act like she’s making him a favor? You want out of you thing with Lucius? TELL DRACO! Is not your responsibility to keep the company afloat, is your damn savior complex, draco is right. Lol i’m getting all worked up here, because this plot is slowly but surely annoying me a little bit. It’s not that hard to work things out, there’s no “real threat” for them and the “right thing to do” isn’t really a huge thing. Am i getting this wrong? I’m very practical and this arrengement of sorts is just too much trouble when things could be very easy!!?????? And seriously, Draco could just freaking tell her to stop being unprofessional and rude in front of others, because she’s!! And he needs to just be the boss…
Well, that’s all for this update!
Day five: I’ve finished! 36 chapters later, the first part of the series is finished. I feel like it was a pretty good, quick read! Pretty entertaining, it made me laugh quite a few times, and was an overall nice story. I feel there were a few plotholes that i would’ve liked to see resolved: like the actual classes being of more critical use or having more of a significance throughout the story, and to go deeper into Lucius plan, maybe? The repercutions of his stabbing plan, maybe a bit more of how H’s career moved forward, ginny and harry’s wedding, ron pretty much disappeared from the story and i thought he would have made a good conflict point. I would have loved a more high-stakes conflict between d and h and their relationship, though. I do feel the ending was a bit rushed, or maybe i’m getting used to the SLOW burn dhrs hehe, but yeah, an overall fun, quick, romantic story! Would recommend this to any first-time dramione reader. I would personally give it a 3 out of 5 stars. Now we move onto the next! I don’t know if i’ll be commenting on Dracos POV. If something gets my attention, i guess i will, but i’m so excited to get to The Auction! Moving on!
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Hi! Can I have a Harry Potter (marauders era) ? My pronouns are she/her and I’m fine with male or female preference. You can ship me with anyone except for remus lupin cause my best friend is in love with him and she’s claimed him as hers 😂.
𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘: 5'1", tanned brown skin, average build with mid length wavy black hair, super dark brown eyes and glasses. My style is every fandom section at hot topic.
𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬: I’m a Slytherin and an INTP. My moral alignment is true neutral. I have massive introverted tendencies and am awkward in nature with new people. As a result I can come across as aloof and indifferent. However with my close friends (let’s be real I have like 3) I’m quite fiery, outgoing, and confident. Whenever I’m with my friends I can get really giggly, excited and dorky when talking abt my recent hyperfixations. I tend to either overthink everything or not think at all. I’m a bit of a control freak and want to do the things the way I do them but I won’t enforce this on anyone else. Just let me do things the way I do them. I'm also quite dedicated on what I want in my life and will stand by those decisions
𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗦: Art. Any art honestly. Though I mostly work with digital mediums. That is, I love to creative code. I’m currently studying digital media arts with the hopes to be a video game designer. Apart from this, I love other mediums of art too especially drawing, and digital illustrating.
𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦: let’s just say I spend way too much time daydreaming. Fan fiction, video games, movies, books, tv shows. Anything that lets me daydream and disappear from reality for a while is a hobby of mine.
Thank you ❤️
Hello buddy! It's great to see you in my inbox again! Aahhh your information is screaming this guy's name!
I ship you with —
Mr. Mischievous James Potter !
Tbh , you'll know the famous James Potter , might've had a crush on him once(?) But you know he exists . Whereas our popular boy doesn't know that you exist ..
until the incident where he's hiding under his invisibility cloak and happens to pass by you and your friends . He was intrigued to see you being so outgoing and confident .
"How did I not notice her before?" He would question himself as he'd walk away .
The very next day when he finds you seated all alone and aloof , he understands that you're an introvert , but still comes to talk with you .
Gradually , you both become friends . And very much later , you both end up being a couple lol.
"Babe , i have a perfect face for your beautiful hands to draw me ." James would say and give another charming, yet funny , pose.
Your height difference would be so cute!
Just be aware that if you both become stubborn, it could be difficult for you both to stay together ! Remember that it's you + him vs the problem .
This relationship just gives me wholesome vibes!!!
Your best friend would be —
Remus Lupin
He's not exactly your best friend. This is how it started .
You were introverted , he used to be tired after his long nights .
You both used to relax in the library, where no one would talk with you , approach you and even look at you . You both sat in front of each other every time . Until it happened so that he'd keep your books ready if he were early to the library and vice versa! This is something really special though , you both start to feel comfortable in each other's presence to the fact that you both saved places for each other in the library!
Your secret admirer —
Severus Snape
He admires how you're always wanting things to go your way and you make them happen .
Your dedication is just another plus point for him to fall for you .
Eventually, this just increased his hatred towards James , who got the second girl Snape ever liked too .
Gifs —
THIS is definitely you and James pottah
Even though it's not girl and boy , this is definitely you and James yes it is! Even though it looks like something between besties , it is how your relationship is!
This is something serious happened to you , and he's comforting you!
I hope you liked it!
Thankyou for the ask!
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happy birthday shann ali have a poutine with me i bet we could get ceasefires in ukraine and palestine by the end of the week. someone find my ex i bet shes still on here with the fire emblem crowd lucina is my fucking life story that my mom keeps interfering with. my mom is robin and lissa is with the parents. and ali wont listen. she showed me tumblr and i showed her how tumblr really works. the end of the world is here and i bet shes the second coming. the odds are significant on alison. and the other alys too. i have exes from the future im trying to be chill about. like i said lucina is my problem.
my mother committed suicide 15 years ago on april fools (ikr). shes funny this one. she would disappear with the military for 15 years like this to get me to wake up. or find whoever i need to find. stop trying to bring about the rapture everyone whats your problem with judaism and islam? i wanna convert to islam!
my problem is i learned to hide from the best. harry potter is stealing from fred hampton and anne frank over here. we had our order of the phoenix at afnorth without another of the nato brats under the giant stairwell long before rowling was writing about it. idk if she was friends with my mom.
i couldnt journal my life because i knew they would steal that shit and publish that shit. but ali showed me tumblr and i got to journal a little on here and what do you know im still an amateur journalist on tumblr
so omfg when i tell the people making official lists of whos out as what on this hellsite i blow a fucking fuse so hard burkie is answering me back in ten minutes on sunday night. i swear i forgot about his son im just a flames fan who needs the cup in toronto by 2028 and in gaza this fucking summer already. hell bring it to the donbass region too if thats what these assholes want so much. bring hockey back this summer and meet on the ice and the pavement instead of having fun being martyrs with guns tickling the other bear on the other side
austin matthews and aly spaltro are both from arizona and neither of them believe we can bring hockey to palestine. they dont believe in hockey in the desert these two coyotes!! go listen to mitski and pete seeger already. one plays for the leafs and the other probably doesnt even watch the new womens league. its all on youtube!
so maman. line fontaine. fernando. whatever she goes by now. she was making a journal of my life without my consent. idk if she killed herself out of shame at any point but i believe she went into hiding with the government so she could keep her time travelers journal close to her chest and out of other peoples hands. this isnt cool at all mom anne frank is fucking fuming dude you have no idea. good thing im not her and i love my mom. she thinks shes doing us favours by getting our story straight on her end. this jesus bastard needs to wake up on my middle name marie already and stop playing it backwards
maybe it was my mom all along. maybe it was my ex alison. maybe it was my cat. maybe thats what the national were talking about in montreal before they played i need my girl. theyre such pricks and they couldnt stfu about oedipus at the concert ok fine my mom probably wants to fuck my ass and were all adults here and its awkward
you know how it is im trying to avoid her and her favourites and that means everyone :/
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