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pixelgrotto · 3 years

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Night City, I barely remember ya

I beat Cyberpunk 2077 last month, and honestly, I haven’t thought about Cyberpunk 2077 that much since.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. CD Projekt Red’s follow-up to The Witcher 3 was meant to be the sort of game that would stick in your mind after completion. It was promoted over eight years of hype stemming from its initial 2013 reveal as a example of CD Projekt’s infamous “vodka and Slavic magic” - a behemoth destined to change open world RPGs forever. But in the roughly 12 weeks since its release, the stuff that’s happened to Cyberpunk 2077, including its delisting from the Playstation store for being chock full of bugs and the theft of its source code by hackers, has been more cyberpunk than the actual game.

I was one of those people super hyped for this game when it was first announced. I mean, the Witcher franchise left an indelible impression on me; how could I not be psyched to see its devs tackle one of my favorite sci-fi genres? But my hype deflated over the years, largely due to tales of terrible crunch emerging from CD Projekt’s studios and social media marketing that was ill-advised at best and transphobic at worst. Everything seemed to slowly hint that the game’s vision of “cyberpunk” - a genre that can tell incredible futuristic tales of social upheaval and marginalized peoples - would be mostly style with not so much substance.

Despite me keeping my fingers crossed, the end product is pretty much what I feared - and I guess I should’ve known, since the official sourcebook for Cyberpunk 2020, the tabletop RPG that CD Projekt Red used as inspiration, actually lists “style over substance” as one of its rules.

Cyberpunk 2077’s main story revolves around a merc who dreams of big time heists in Night City named V. After a heist goes south, V ends up absorbing a biochip made by big bad corporation Arasaka that features the captured personality of rockstar-turned-terrorist Johnny Silverhand, played by Keanu Reeves - who, to be fair, does a good job with the material he’s given. Cue a bunch of quests that revolve around V and Johnny coming to terms with each other, taking down Arasaka and figuring out how to separate the chip from V’s brain.

In theory, this sounds like a cool way to explore the very cyberpunk themes of identity and what it means to have a corrupt company preserve a human soul beyond its organic shell. In reality, though, the story’s a surface level examination of these concepts, and Johnny Silverhand remains a massive dick throughout most of the game, only becoming relatable if players give him the benefit of the doubt - which they’re expected to do because he’s played by Keanu Reeves.

Johnny’s animosity towards Arasaka is also never completely outlined. He - and most other characters in Night City - keep telling V that corporations are awful because they disregard human rights and destroy the environment, but we never get many chances to see for ourselves how Arasaka and similar companies, like Militech or Kang Tao, actually do this. Arasaka does kidnap Johnny’s ex-girlfriend and is behind the tech that transfers his soul to a biochip, yes, but Johnny also threatens to destroy them at all of his shows and eventually sets off a bomb in their headquarters. Not that I’m siding with the corporation, but for much of the game we’re expected to treat them as the number one enemy simply because other characters say so, which is very much a “show, don’t tell” missed opportunity. If anything, Arasaka’s portrayal feels more like a vestige of the cyberpunk genre’s unfortunate maturation during the 1980s, where the fear of Japanese conglomerates taking over the world was common and a future where Asian companies were all-powerful instead of Western ones seemed like a dystopia.

Cyberpunk 2077 is very much caught in that yesteryear mold, featuring elements that might have been progressive in the 1980s but seem passé now. For a game that relied on questionable representation of trans people in its marketing, there were no notable trans NPCs that I came across, and even though there’s a robust character creation system where you actually can make a trans person, the game makes the troubling decision to only offer binary pronouns tied to V’s voice. Despite the fact that many of the best modern cyperbunk works deal with body augmentation and the line between man and machine, most of the physical modifications you can pay for at Night City’s “ripperdoc” facilities are niche features that only offer minimal stat boosts, with only two major ones that I know of - the mantis blades and gorilla arms - actually causing extensive changes to V’s looks. And finally, while there are tons of characters of color in the game, ranging from the Haitian Voodoo Boys gang to V’s “friendly ethnic friend™” Jackie Welles, most of them are varying degrees of stereotypical. For instance, Goro Takemura, an ex-Arasaka employee, sends you text messages reminiscent of haiku at one point because he’s Japanese and has to talk like a formal, honorable samurai or something.

If you’re able to look past these issues - along with the myriad of bugs that Cyberpunk 2077 shipped with - there’s still the niggling feeling that this game could have been so much more. The signs of a troubled development process are numerous, and there are Reddit threads packed with still-visible remnants - like useless combat skill perks and an entire metro system - that were part of gameplay elements gutted at some point in order for those overworked CD Projekt Red programmers to make a long-delayed release date. Even mainstay stuff in the open world genre - like the police chases common in the Grand Theft Autos - are absent, and Cyberpunk 2077’s 2018 demo, chock full of promised features that never made it into the final product, has to be one of the most notorious bits of smoke ‘n mirrors “gameplay” in recent memory.

Perhaps most bothersome is the feeling that a lot of your choices don’t seem to matter all that much in Cyberpunk 2077, which once touted itself as “a full-fledged RPG, not a shooter with RPG elements,” but ends up feeling more like the latter than the former. The game’s three different lifepaths - nomad, streetkid and corpo - only amount to about thirty minutes of unique playtime at the start and a few different dialogue options. The vehicle combat sequences that punctuate key missions are largely scripted, looking cool but offering little consequences depending on what V aims at. The side quests I encountered had minimal branching paths, and the only time the main story opened up to offer some real choice was in the game’s final chapter. Considering that CD Projekt once developed The Witcher 2 - a 2011 game that branches dramatically at its halfway mark to the point where a lot of folks insist that you need to play it twice in order to feel satisfied - Cyberpunk 2077 feels like a step back.

And yet, despite all of these criticisms, I still put nearly 80 hours into the game over the course of December, January and February. You don’t do that for something that’s patently unfun, so let me be clear - there is an entertaining experience buried beneath an avalanche of unfulfilled potential here. Driving on my Akira-esque bike through Night City’s slums as the game’s best song bumped on the radio, taking out legions of baddies with my mantis blades and relishing in the game’s extensive photo mode (as you can probably tell by my screenshots above) was a good time. In spite of his assholery, I did feel something akin to attachment for that bastard Johnny Silverhand by the finale, and there were a few key moments - like when I was scuba diving in the ocean with my girlfriend Judy, looking at the remains of a town destroyed by the land seizing machinations of corporations - that felt like this game had something to say beyond “bang bang gunplay and neon aesthetic.”

But at the end of the day, while I do feel moderately interested in someday checking out Cyberpunk Red (the newest iteration of this franchise’s tabletop RPG), CD Projekt’s seven-year-hyped-up behemoth has largely faded from my brain one month after beating it. On Twitter, I’ve seen Cyberpunk 2077 described as something akin to a flashy Netflix series with lots of fanfare and flair but not much else - and I can’t really argue with that statement.

Night City was supposed to be the stuff of a long-term relationship. Instead, it feels more like a fling.

#pixel grotto #now playing #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk #cd projekt red

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ilovethetalkingclock · 4 years

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A Not-Sew-Magical Sequel (LALALOOPSY CREEPYPASTA)

(WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS CONTENT LIKE LANGUAGE, GORE, DEATH, PARASITES, DROWNING AND DARK COMEDY. IF YOU GET SCARED BY THIS, DON'T YELL AT ME FOR IT. YOU CHOSE TO READ IT.)

(story under the cut, based on a dream I had)

(don’t worry, it’s not a screamer, i’d never do that.)

No matter how many years passed and will pass, I liked and will still like Lalaloopsy. All the characters and concepts were and still are very interesting (though Jewel was always my least favorite) and the couple episodes I saw of both the original show and the reboot of Netflix were cute and in the case of the reboot actually very emotional. I also watched all the movies and while a majority of them were slightly flawed one way or another, that didn’t stop them from being good. Hearing the toys being discontinued and the Netflix show canceled indeed made my heart sink.

But that’s not all what I wanted to talk about. Onto Lala-Oopsies.

If you don’t recall, Lala-Oopsies was a spinoff line. As the name suggested, the characters were in mixed rainbow colors and body proportions that deviated from the usual Lalaloopsy dolls, looking like, in my own words, mutants. They came as princess/ballerina hybrids and mermaids, with the ‘Littles’ (which in the original Lalaloopsy line, were the younger sisters) as fairies. They had one movie, “Lala-Oopsies: A Sew Magical Tale”. It was like all the others, cute, a bit funny, and a simple Lalaloopsy adventure with the Lala-Oopsies.

What I never knew was that they were apparently planning on a sequel.

I was at a garage sale of sorts (i know, very cliche) when I found a blank DVD case. Here’s what it read:

“LALA-OOPSIES-SEQUEL(UNFINISHED)”

“Is this a joke?”

“Oh, that!” The owner of the sale noticed me and casually went on “I worked at MGA Entertainment… they were making a sequel to the Lala-Oopsies movie… some guy decided to make that, apparently as a joke, and he was fired as it had quite a bit of… crazy stuff. We decided to cancel it altogether as we didn’t have any other ideas... We were handed copies of it from the guy who made it before he was fired. The footage is all there. There’s a lot more stuff that happened after that, but I don’t really wanna go into full detail. If you wanna know completely, it’s worth only a dollar. Not somethin’ I’d wanna watch again.”

Out of morbid curiosity, I agreed to buy the thing.

So I went home, made sure to get my DVD player on, and opened the case. There were two discs. One that read “MOVIE” and another that just had random scribbles on it. I tried to make out if the second one actually said anything, but I couldn’t read it for shit. I got out the one that read “MOVIE”, making sure it was the film itself, and placed it in.

Hoo boy, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

There was no menu or trailers, though that was kinda expected considering it was unfinished. It just went straight to the movie.

It all looked official one way or another. Some scenes were fully animated, others were simple animatics, others were in between. But I’ll just say before we get on that it was not at all the usual Lalaloopsy fare. There was no sign of anyone’s pets at all throughout the whole movie. There wasn’t any music, like, at all, and that just made it a bit more unsettling.

Well, most of it wasn’t. It started off like your usual Lalaloopsy movie. Bea was walking down a path and singing a song about math to herself. A rather bad one, if you ask me. So bad, I have easily forgot about it. While walking, she finds the door that leads to Lala-Oopsies Land.

As the first movie took place in mostly a story that Bea was reading, she is surprised that apparently Lala-Oopsies are true. She leaves to find her friends, the rest of the Original 8 to be exact, and tell her all about it. This exchange from the conversation is what mainly caught me off guard.

Jewel: “So you just managed to find something from a story you read once in reality? I don’t believe it one bit.”

Spot: “Jewel. This is felting BEA SPELLS-A-LOT we’re talking about. The brains? The genius? The nerd? The know-it-all? She doesn’t seem to be making it up.”

Was felt their way of saying fuck? That was not in the other Lalaloopsy stuff I knew, as it was aimed at young children. I figured that was at least one of the reasons it was never finished. I decided to keep watching to find more reasons.

The Lalaloopsies were at the door to Lala-Oopsies Land, and as she didn’t believe it before as shown by the previous exchange I wrote about, Jewel was understandably dumbfounded. “Felt me, there really is a Lala-Oopsies Land…”

So of course they all opened the door and entered. Only as it turned out Lala-Oopsies land… wasn’t exactly as the story told.

The skies were orange like the original, but were more of a sickly shade of it. The ground was grey, rotted, and corpse-like. The mushroom ‘trees’ looked much more like actual fungi, and the strawberry-milk rivers and seas looked spoiled and curdled, and I could even make out a skeleton (presumably of a drowned Oopsie) in them. Bea probably put it best.

“Well… it seems the book apparently romanticized a couple details…”

The group decided to venture in and explore anyway. I couldn’t help but bring up the fact that a couple of them coughed quite a bit when they went in. Okay, scratch that, they were coughing violently, like they just inhaled smoke.

Pillow: “Felting seamstress, this place is polluted.”

As they were walking through, some sort of large insectoid jumped right on Peanut’s face Alien-style. Now I could really see why this movie didn’t make it. Obviously, everyone was panicking at the sight and trying to get the bug off. It wasn’t until like half a minute that Bea managed to find a stick on the ground and strongly swatted the insect away from Peanut’s face, though it seemed she also hit the face from this dialogue...

Peanut: “TRY AVOIDING THE FACE YOU IDIOTIC FELTING STITCH.”

...and stabbed the insect multiple times, pink-ish blood spraying from the body, gore getting everywhere. The other seven were so disgusted that Crumbs vomited right on-screen from the sight. Organs were coming out of the creature as Bea stabbed, and as I looked close enough the organs seemed rather human-like. That was pretty weird as the insect didn’t look human at all.

Well at least I found another reason for this movie’s rejection.

Before Bea turned the monster into an unrecognizable bloodied mush, I could make the colors of the insect to be that of the Lala-Oopsies fairy Lilac, hot pink and sky blue. Nah, I’m pretty sure it was just a coincidence. And yet…

Oh, that reminds me of another scene that happened later on.

The eight were venturing on into the islands riding on some sort of old rusted boat they found, and then suddenly some sort of sea serpent or something like that i dunno with the same color scheme as the mermaid Water Lily rose from the rotted strawberry milk oceans. Bea tried to row the boat away, but the monster attacked and even picked Jewel up and devoured her. There wasn’t any doll stuffing or anything cute like that. Jewel’s remains actually spurted crimson blood and human entrails as she was being chomped down on and eventually swallowed. Screaming as if the actress herself was getting violently disemboweled.

I can still hear her agonized screams as I write this, so that’s pretty annoying.

Pillow’s reaction perfectly described mine.

“HOLY FELTING SILK.”

My god... how the heck was a doll said to be sewn from a dress able to have human blood and guts?! Then again, it was a cartoon… a rather gory one if ya ask me.

In all honesty though, Jewel’s death was horrific yet satisfying for me. I never liked her the slightest.

During the attack, Mittens and Spot fell into the strawberry milk ocean as the boat was destroyed. It didn’t show the rest of what happened to them so I can safely assume they were either eaten or drowned. Or both.

So the ones left were Crumbs, Peanut, Dot, Pillow, and Bea.

They latched onto the boat’s remains as they headed to a large island.

The island’s inhabitants were all the princess ballerinas, both in the first movie and toy-exclusive, mutated to grotesque proportions, their hair all mussy and in tangles. Most of the princess’s faces were obscured by their hair, but the ones I was able to see were distorted in such a way I can’t really describe that well, though I’ll admit they looked pretty damn cool. Oh, their clothes were also a wreck too so yeah.

Crumbs became an idiot and decided to go up close to one (can’t remember which, i think it was Saffron?) to try and approach it friendly enough.

Saffron, like a wild animal, lunged at Crumbs and proceeded to violently rip her to shreds, and sure enough it was just as gruesome as Jewel’s death.

I remember just thinking to myself, “what the hell was this person on when making this?”

And yes, the remaining girls were horrified by that too and ran from the princesses as fast as they could.

Remember the scene I mentioned earlier with Peanut apparently getting attacked by that bug? Welp, they didn’t forget about that. Peanut immediately fell over, having a rather violent fit as she struggled for breath, her skin deteriorating as multi-colored insect larva ate their way out of her everywhere, some even lunging out like the chestbursters in Alien. (yes I know I already made that comparison before but still) They then proceeded to lunge at Pillow and devour her alive as she could only scream and the final two, Bea and Dot, could only watch.

As Pillow was honestly one of my most favorite Lalaloopsy, I just felt awful watching that.

Another princess, Anise, which I recognized full and clear with her pink and blue coloring, approached what remained of Pillow and grabbed some of the larvae, putting it in her mouth and devouring it, as her mouth was coated in a rainbow goo like that one My Little Pony episode with the zombies.

I would say it was disgusting, but a mutant doll eating a worm was the least of my worries.

She managed to speak words, which was strange because the princesses here were, again, mostly animalistic. Her voice was rather gravely, only vaguely sounding like the original.

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING COMING TO A PLACE LIKE THIS?”

Okay, they weren’t even trying with that line.

Anise proceeded to grab Bea and beat her, but thankfully Bea was able to kick Anise right in the face, knocking her out before the grotesquely mutated princess could finish the job. Dot swiftly took Bea’s hand. Struggling to get up at first, the badly bruised Bea managed to get on her feet and run as Anise came to.

As they ran, Bea and Dot finally found the door where they came in. It tugged my heartstrings seeing the two tearfully look back, apparently reminiscing their friends, before leaving Lala-Oopsies Land for good.

It then cut to Bea in bed, very ill. She was apparently covered in radiation tumors and her hair was almost gone. Apparently the island was highly radioactive. Dot was next to her bed in tears, as Bea weakly said her final words.

“I’m sorry, Dot… sorry… for everything...”

Violently coughing blood, Bea finally kicked the bucket as Dot sobbed hysterically. The movie cut to black and ended there with, surprise-surprise, no credits whatsoever.

All I thought of was “How the hell did Bea get sick from radiation poisoning but Dot didn’t?”

So anyway I took the movie disc out and put in the one with all the scribbles.

It was a compilation of recorded clips, all of them surprisingly in the MGA Entertainment headquarters itself I presume.

One clip I remember was a Lala-Oopsies Princess Anise doll flying, chasing a random employee as said employee was in a panic. Yea it was a weird one.

Another consisted of another employee testing out a Princess Juniper doll. As they were squishing the head, (the Lala-Oopsies dolls had squishy foam heads) the doll suddenly started to bleed violently. Not gonna lie, I laughed at what the employee said.

“GOD DAMN IT GARY WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT MAKING THE DOLLS BLEED.”

Last one I remember was two employees talking to each other. One of them asked the other,

“What exactly was your motivation in making this weird-ass movie?”

The other employee just responded in a weird reverse demonic gibberish I didn’t have time to translate. The first employee’s only response was a flat “what”. Exactly my reaction too. I decided that was enough and took out that disc and put it away.

Where’s the case now?

In one of my shelves. I’m keeping it. I just think it’s pretty unique in a way.

Not like it’s cursed or anything.

The End

#lalaloopsy #lala oopsies #creepypasta #story #my art #trollpasta (mostly cause theres quite a bit of comedy elements)#scary #horror #death tw #dolls tw #body horror tw #parasites tw #gore tw

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deltaengineering · 5 years

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Summer Anime 2019 Part 3: comic relief

7seeds

❓ Some terrible people wake up in the post-apocalypse, having been apparently selected for the survivor job without being told so. They do stupid things and are mean to each other for no reason.

❌❌ This is apparently based on a respected manga. I’ll guess the adaptation is not doing it right because nothing makes sense and every character is either a jerk or a blob that keeps getting picked on by jerks. Character drama, you see.

❌❌ The pacing is completely shot both ways, because this rushes through all explanations for anything and still barely has anything happening. I am informed this has to do with cramming ~18 volumes of manga in 12 episodes, which would explain it.

❌❌ Netflix sure knows how to pick ‘em, because apart from being nonsense, this also looks like a moderate production disaster right at episode 1. If you want more, you can watch the rest right now. Well apart from the other half of the manga, which they’re apparently banking on a sequel for. Now that’s comedy.

❌ Apparently this only gets worse as it goes along, which may be at least a bit more funny. I doubt it’s worth it.

Bem

❓ A tough cop starts getting into supernatural troubles. Meanwhile some supernaturals get into cop troubles.

✅ This actually does mostly fine as far as the cop procedural end of it is concerned. It has a nice, moody atmosphere and particularly good music.

❌❌ However, the rest of it is a remake of a 60s supernatural shounen and boy is that obvious. It’s like someone crammed a (bad) episode of Gegege no Kitarou into the middle of an episode of The Wire, and it shouldn’t be a shock that this does no positive things to the tonal consistency.

❌ Not to mention that I don’t want to watch a (bad) episode of Gegege no Kitarou to begin with.

♎ It doesn’t look very good either, though that doesn’t really matter. It would be fine if the rest was fine, and as it is it barely registers as a problem compared to the other ones.

❌ Even if you’re interested in a moody cop procedural just for the rarity of it, you can just watch Cop Craft this season instead.

Given

❓ A rock band meets a creepy stalker that can’t play guitar. Naturally, he joins in short order.

♎ This is very much a BL show, so it’s pretty neat to see that nobody’s raping anyone in the first episode. Lack of being terrible is not exactly a positive, but hey. I’ll take it.

❌ The problem is just that this is a romance and I don’t like Mafuyu, the spectrum-tastic creepy stalker who’s described as a “puppy”, which seems somewhat charitable. The rest of the characters are honestly fine, but that’s a big minus.

❌ It also already has a tendency to oversell its big emotional moments and impending backstory drama.

♎ So yeah, it’s the rare BL TV show that’s only on the level of a regularly bad anime romance. Knock yourself out if you must.

💩 Cheat Magician

❓ 💩

♎ For something that is textbook 💩, I’ll admit that this at least has a somewhat agreeable tone. Not that “everyone is super nice” is a selling point, but it lacks the sour whining of an Arifureta or Shield Hero. Dude also brings his osananajimi along for the ride, which is ultra lame but preferable to quite a few of the alternatives.

💩💩 Well, given the extremely clumsy writing that makes up this first episode, I’ll just assume that this is due the author being too amateurish to suck properly. There is no flair to anything and every sentence is a flat statement of exposition. The pacing is awful too.

💩💩 Fundamentally still of its genre, which means it’s a pure power fantasy with tons of lampshading of its own terrible nature. Hax powers and lots of barely clothed natives confirmed.

💩 Looks are as thoroughly uninspired as everything else.

Machikado Mazoku

❓ Poor (as in not wealthy) and dim (as in not bright) demon girl gets tasked to defeat a magical girl. Local magical girl would rather be friends.

✅ Hey, this is a pretty funny concept and it gets a lot of mileage out of this odd-couple pairing too. It has snappy pacing and while a lot of the jokes don’t land, the majority do.

♎ Leans a bit too hard into repetitive jokes, in particular the ones about not having any money. That’s just not where the funny is in this setup. Overall it just shows its 4koma nature a little bit too much.

✅ The main character is voiced by Kaguya-sama’s Chika and this show can get quite a lot of second-hand awesome from that. She does it less in episode 2, though.

♎ It’s probably the best purely cute&comfy blob show of the season, because Dumbbells didn’t manage to stand the 3-ep test for me (short version: it didn’t actually develop a story and is just a series of fundamentally boring tutorials)

Your Mom Online

❓ 💩

✅ I can’t pretend that a 💩 is not a 💩, but as far as clowning on the genre goes, this is pretty good. The idea that your overbearing mom came along for your ride and is hogging all the glory is properly terrifying, especially for the target audience.

✅ This is probably the funniest isekai spoof, which just means it’s better than Konosuba (which seemed to do very little to question its subject and basically just was a standard isekai where everyone is really stupid). In particular it shows a healthy disregard for worldbuilding and logic, which is a godsend (in a comedy).

💩 Still, it’s an anime comedy which means that a lot of the jokes just don’t land. Especially the fanservice-based ones are more cringeworthy than hilarious.

💩 This seems to have some designs on being more profound in the long run, which i find questionable on principle.

♎ What can I say, it’s the first isekai-related thing in a long time I didn’t completely hate and I’ll give it a chance based on that alone.

a certain edgy meme

❓ I’M ACCELERATOR / NICE TO MEET YA

❌ So the Raildex universe’s premier edgelord got himself his own show, and it’s quite shocking to see that he’s only the second most annoying thing in it.

❌❌ That crown would go to Misaka Misaka or Last Order or whatever the fuck, a tiny Misaka that narrates her own lines. Please.

❌ Apart from that it seems to be Railgun, which means it’s a lot of wacky goings-on, a lot of bizarre characters of very uneven quality, a lot of desperate sciencebabble, and a lot of action that’s not quite as cool as it wants to be.

❌ If I ever wanted to get into Raildex, I’d start with Railgun. If you already like Railgun, I suppose you’d like this too.

#anime #impressions #summer2019 #7seeds #bem #given #isekai cheat #machikado mazoku #okaasan online #a certain scientific accelerator

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thequlturecritic · 5 years

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QULTURE’S TOP 20 SERIES OF 2018

20. BUSY TONIGHT

You guys! Good energy is, like, totally in right now. And it’s never going away. You may know her from Freaks and Geeks, but I know her from Cougar Town as CC’s fun-loving, super-supportive sidekick. When you watch Busy Phillips on her cheeky, positive-vibes only E! talk show, a sense of “we’re all in this together” and “being kind to one another” is definitely a recipe for demolishing disaster. Remember how major Chelsea’s career became because of what so many probably considered a silly little talk show… well. I’m not a fortune teller or anything, but I could totally see Ms. Phillips taking over the universe. I want to be one of her minions. Cheers to another leading lady of late night!

19. THE VOICE

I’ve always been anti-reality competition shows when it comes to singing, only because I’m a total snob when it comes to what I subject my ears to. My musical tastes are versed and varied, but I still am pretty picky about who I let in to my drums, mostly because I need it to stimulate an eargasm and coincide with my life’s soundtrack. When American Idol launched, I definitely was enamored with Kelly Clarkson’s powerful vocals, but I still kept the close mind that an artist is discovered naturally, not “created” by producers with the backdrop and illusion that AMERICA gets to vote and pick the winner. Ah, who knows, maybe they do… I would just never take the time out to vote. HOWEVER. When I found out Kelly was going to be a judge on The Voice, which is a whole separate animal than Idol, I was shitting my pants with glee, because she really is such a goddamn force of fucking nature. Her spirit is overwhelmingly angelic and I simply love everything about watching her. Last season’s competition was magical, at least for me, perhaps because it was the first time I really got to experience the message and place the show has in the universe. It really is inspiring and lovely to see how much these artists themselves care for the teams they build and the individuals they want to see grow – regardless of whether or not it leads to fame. Alicia Keys and Kelly Clarkson’s dynamic was really something special that inspired me in so many ways.

18. COMEDIANS IN CARS GETTING COFFEE

I love nothing more than a loose format, sans makeup, realistic conversation between famous people. Talk shows rock and all, but there’s something to be said for two people we all know and (often) admire, getting together and doing something that, ya know, regular people do! Like… go out to breakfast. I was never a fan of the Seinfeld sitcom, mostly because when it was popular it was kinda over my head and nothing that interested me. I’d probably be more inclined to watch and enjoy it now because of how much Veep has made me adore Julia-Louis Dreyfus and now much Jerry Seinfeld’s Netflix series about him… getting coffee… with comedians… has made me adore his admiration for vintage cars, honesty in humanity and one of the most important things we all seem to forget sometimes – which is to LAUGH! We live in such politically charged times, and while I get how important it is to talk about the very things we were always brainwashed to believe were impolite to talk about, we also need to be able to make jokes and not be so sensitive about everything. Ya heard?

17. AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL

Oh how I love me some Tyra, but it seems the future is all about Ashley Graham. Yet again – another fucking beautiful superhuman. I am really starting to hate that people even think of someone as “plus size”, but hey, it’s the world we live in. All I see when I look at her is someone with a whole lot of personality, gorgeous features and a personality that you’d be crazy to not gravitate toward. She is living proof that good vibes, energy and kindness (in the fashion industry?! How dare you!) go a long way. Tyra and Co. are doing such a bang-up job sending young women empowering messages about feeling safe in their own skin by infusing all shapes, sizes, colors and archetypes. This cycle was full of hilarious moments and was totally unpredictable. Despite her Trump-loving, Republican ways and complaining about being transformed into a “fire-crotch”, I was rooting for Liberty, Rio and Jeana to compete in the Top 3. That certainly evolved as the season went on, mainly because Jeana’s insecurities were getting the best of her (she had alopecia and they convinced her to be the alien-like, bald beauty – which she looked 10X better as vs. wearing wigs) and Rio had the most off-putting temper tantrum that had me and my bestie Carlee yelling at the the TV, “Who da fuck you think you talkin’ to?!” as if we were speaking for Tyra. Be humble, girls! Beauty ain’t just skin deep. At the end of the day, I loved seeing Kyla take the crown, because her activism, big heart and growth really was something special at the end of the day. Keep up the good work! I want 1000 more cycles.

16. SWEETBITTER

Starz’s adaptation of the best-selling novel by Stephanie Danler is short, but bittersweet. Ella Purnell is a breakout star, headlining the cast of unknowns who are all as equally as fantastic. I think that’s one of my favorite things about it (Caitlin Fitzgerald, in particular, who definitely has that thing) – how naturally gifted the entire cast is. Purnell stars as Tess, an All-American girl from bumfuck who makes her way to New York City to chase the dream, even if she has no idea what it is yet. Any of you who have worked in the service industry as a waiter or waitress will appreciate the authenticity of how intimidating, grueling and chaotic the industry can be… but how much fun it can be once your shift is over.

15. MANIAC

What is Netflix’s limited, vivid, disturbing, funny, emotional rollercoaster about? My brain is exploding from trying to analyze. Typically, in each episode, I get so lost in the perfection that is Emma Stone, I’m completely enthralled by how inspiring it is to watch one of our most exceptional young talents only seem to get better and better. It’s also always a pleasant surprise to see someone like Jonah Hill continue to prove himself as truly versatile. Remember when these two were just getting into stoner cinema and taking over the shelves at Blockbuster, during their Superbad days? Justin Theroux, plus. Sally Field, super-plus. Julia Garner (also of Ozark), a star on the rise! It might make you feel a little crazy while watching, but hey, we all go a little mad sometimes.

14. SHARP OBJECTS

Gillian Flynn’s book to big screen success with Gone Girl made a lot of us anxious to see what would be translated next. Following the trend of mini-series, binge-worthy greatness and big stars coming to the “small” screen, HBO announced Amy Adams would star in Sharp Objects, a dark, sultry murder mystery set in the swampy south that co-stars the amazing Patricia Clarkson – one of my absolute favorite actors. I’ll never forget when I “discovered” her, in Lisa Cholodenko’s High Art, one of my all-time faves. There’s a similar hypnotism with the limited series which also features a deliciously naked Chris Messina, and, of course, the direction of the man I’d say is pretty much cinematic perfection these days – Jean Marc Valee. If you have not yet seen Dallas Buyers Club, and another all-time favorite of mine, Wild, you are missing out. I’m assuming you have watched all of Big Little Lies once or twice, and can’t wait for season two next year. Neither can I. These are the people doing AWESOME awesome things in Hollywood.

13. AMERICAN HORROR STORY: APOCALYPSE

So, I’m always back and forth with AHS. I always love how visually stunning it is, but some seasons either lack substance or are literally just too fucking freaky for me to engage. I can not even set my eyes on Freak Show, thought Cults was too gory and scattered (although fresh off of the Trump presidency was a possible prediction of the future if we don’t all get our shit together) and definitely didn’t even give that Roanoke one a chance. The first two seasons rocked, and Gaga slayed in Hotel, but being that I love witches (Hocus Pocus, Witches of Eastwick) I have to say Coven is my favorite season. I love every Farmiga in life, Precious’ Gaborey Sidibe always makes me laugh and Emma Roberts is a rock star. How gorgeous?! She’s also such a little asshole in the best way. She’s someone I can picture punching me in the face, and I’d invite her to. Apocalypse is the best infusion of boy/girl magic and the ultimate comradery casting wise – as what could make for a perfect finale for the series ties all of Ryan Murphy’s brilliance together. That’s just my opinion – because I think a great series needs to know when to wrap it up, but these days everything is all about milking everything to the last drop, so… idk.

12. THE CONNERS

Roseanne returning was definitely the best of the best in reboot land, until her big mouth got her fired from ABC and launched The Conners, which features the entire cast minus a dead mother. I still respect her as an artist and will always love when TV wasn’t so linked to the Twitterverse, but these days I guess everyone really does have to be super careful about the shit they say – especially when we should know better that racism isn’t cool. It’s such an odd thing, because Roseanne was always so controversial, brave with their material, and was one of the first shows to have an out lesbian comedian/actress and character (the great Sandra Bernhard)… so… idk. That Sarah Gilbert though… she’s somethin’ special.

11. THE GOOD PLACE

Kristen Bell!!!!!!! That’s all. Ok, well, that’s not all… because Ted Danson is equally as amazing. Who wouldn’t love someone married to a dame like Mary Steenburgen?! I’ve been a fan of his since Three Men (and a Little Lady!). The diversity, quick wit, modern spin on the classic sitcom and concept behind this hit NBC series reminds us of why the network is always killing it when it comes to delivering quality, quantity and maintaining its colorful edge. I’m surprised I didn’t get into this show when it premiered, as season 4 approaches and the Globes, and surely the Emmy’s now are getting into recognizing genius when they see it. This show is filled with all the good feels! Maybe Heaven really is a place on Earth.

10. WILL & GRACE

When the reboot of W&G first returned to NBC, I was a bit underwhelmed by some of the writing. It seemed forced and a bit insecure – but it just took a few episodes for them to really get back in the swing of things and season 2 of the return is really on point. Debra Messing is better than ever (congrats on a Globe nomination!), as are Eric, Megan and Sean Hayes – who I’ve always greatly admired because of, what I like to consider his “big break” – the film, Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss. Growing up gay, Will and Grace was a trailblazing, extremely important and relevant show to so many of us because there wasn’t much of that on TV. But I’ll always remember that adorable indie of Sean’s. He should make more movies! I love him in Pieces of April too!

9. I LOVE YOU AMERICA: with SARAH SILVERMAN

Sarah has always been my absolute favorite comedian. Jesus is Magic is probably one of the most brilliant stand-up comedy feature films I’ve ever seen (are there many of those) combining music, comedy, political satire, sexually inappropriate and explicit linguistics… nothing is off limits. From jokes about AIDS, Martin Luther King Jr. and the Holocaust, to her dead grandmother’s rape to pussy jokes about child lesbians she’s related to. On her new Hulu series, Silverman takes a tour of the great country we live in, United States of A, talking to Trump supporters, men and women of all colors, shapes and sizes and makes an honest, unbiased, non-judgmental effort to deliver an intellectual perspective on all things current and heated in the minds of many. I love her condescending approach, ability to keep her cool, remain true to herself and do something important with her career. It’s a humbled and divine dose of reality that I think we all need, as at the end of the day she’s basically trying to unite us and get people to understand that despite our differences, respect and kindness can truly inspire change.

8. POSE

First of all – watch Paris is Burning, if you’ve never seen it.

I remember when I worked for the super cool East-coast indie video chain, TLA Video, it was one of the most popular rentals in our Gay and Lesbian section, as it should be. It’s a classic documentary that captures the heart, sole and strut of African American LGBTQ culture during the AIDS epidemic, when being a queen and going to the balls would begin to define what FIERCE meant for a generation. (Play: Azealia Banks, Fierce). It’s one of RuPaul’s favorite movies and certainly inspiration for Ryan Murphy’s vivid and heartfelt FX series starring Evan Peters, James Van Der Beek, Kate Mara and a wonderful assortment of newcomers including the fetch, fierce, versatile and gorgeous MJ Rodriguez, Dominique Jackson and (MY FAVE) Indya Moore.

7. CAMPING

Ever since 13 Going on 30, I’ve known Jennifer Garner was a unicorn. She has that innate ability to charm, impress and entertain us with charisma and natural comedic talent. When it comes to the American adaptation of the Brit series Camping, developed for HBO (in part with Girls’ master Lena Dunham), the team surely arranged the most perfect blend of talent for both behind and in front of the camera. Garner brings the most complicated and hilarious nuances to her character and proves she is more than capable of leading a most diverse and perfectly perfect blend of talent.

6. OZARK

Janet McTeer!! OMG! This woman is amazing and really the force that makes the sophomore season of the hit Netflix drug smuggling/money laundering/gangsta livin’ series all the more bombastic. Sure, Jason Bateman continues to be awesome in every way, but the women on the latest season (even the creepy old meth lady who wants a baby at 99) really slay and own the show, keeping us on the edges of our seats and beyond impressed with how hard anyone with a vagina is proving that they are taking over the world these days. As if we needed more reasons to be obsessed with Laura Linney – she takes her character to new heights, getting more screen time and really being thrust into a more evolved dynamic – sort of how Robin Wright does on House of Cards. As though the audience was more drawn to the female than the male lead the series was built around. But Janet McTeer?! Holy fuck, Janet McTeer. She’ll make your skin crawl and keep you up at night… binge-watching.

5. THE AFFAIR

Showtime’s scandalous, suspenseful and intricate portrait of love, marriage and infidelity has been one of my must-see series since its debut. The entire cast is pure magic, especially the four leads – Dominic West, Ruth Wilson, Maura Tierney and Joshua Jackson. I’m constantly lobbying for Tierney, who continues to blow my mind with everything from those perfect, pouty lips to the way she can make my heart melt with a single tear. Last season, the twists and turns were so unexpected – something so refreshing these days when it comes to storytelling – that none of us could’ve ever seen coming what we now have to go into season five knowing (and grieving with, in my case). This is one of of those shows that stands tall from start to finish, and continues to inspire the way character and perspective is conveyed, as well as how we process it ourselves as an audience. I’ve always been fascinated by the same story being told through different goggles – kind of like in The Rules of Attraction, or Go. I can’t wait to see how this show wraps up, as I am pretty certain we move into the final act, which in itself is always a great quality for a series to know when to wrap it up.

4. HERE & NOW

Alan Ball, oh how I love thee. In the evidence of his brilliance, my affection toward Ball’s beautiful writing and ability to conduct such a beautiful cinematic symphony began with Six Feet Under, as it did most. If ever there were a perfect start to finish series… Rare is the artistic bird who can take such a celebrated drama and weave the social and political issues into a horror series – which is what he did with the addictive True Blood, a show that I would find myself equally hypnotized and aroused by. Ball’s latest gem is yet again a celebration of why we love HBO, his observant mind and heart, and ability to recognize genius when he sees it, in regard to casting. The always wonderful Holly Hunter and Tim Robbins headline a cast of brave, beautiful talents – including the tiny miracle that is the birth-child of Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon, Sosie, who is one of my favorite actors/characters in this captivating new drama that celebrates all the feels of our current reality. It’s a mixed blend of understanding the human condition and how people of all walks relate to one another while truggling with matters of the heart and psychological warfare.

3. RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE

For ten seasons now, Queen of Drag, RuPaul Charles has been taking her dynasty and giving it a royal upgrade every season with eye-popping elements that consistently allow this groundbreaking competition series to be one of queer and pop culture’s most celebrated. From the guest judges (Season X premiered with a Farrah Moan-esque Christina Aguilera dolled up for all the queens to gag over, which they did – myself included) to Michelle Visage’s dazzling eyewear collection to the costumes to the casting and the challenges – which get more and more innovative – Rupaul’s Drag Race has become a small empire that has the promise to spinning into so many different types of series and assure celebrity drag careers are a thing of the future, now more than ever. I loved the queens this season, especially my future husband Kameron Michaels (beautiful inside and out, boy or girl) and the well-deserved winner Aquaria. This was the second season in a row for me (I haven’t seen a lot of the previous seasons) where Ru got it absolutely perfect. I’m also a huge fan of Vice’s The Trixie and Katya Show which you should get into as well!

2. THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL

All of the hype surrounding the Golden Globe & Emmy winning Amazon Prime series starring the incomparable Rachel Brosnahan as Mrs. Maisel, is the type of perfection that isn’t all-talk. Everything you’ve heard about this hilarious gem of a binge-worthy comedy is true: the costumes, the production design, the brilliant performances, directing and top-notch writing is on trend with celebrating everything we love about women in the world right now, and the time capsule reminds us of how far everyone has come marching to the beat of optimism and fighting for equality. I’m so happy the great Alex Borstein has been honored and been receiving praise for her work, and rightfully so, as she steals scenes from the great Maisel herself in the latest season. It’s truly one of the best watches out there, so get into it!

1. SCHITT’S CREEK

What started out as a little Canadian sitcom from a then unknown Pop TV, has since become a pop culture phenomenon and one of the small screen’s most celebrated, quoted and adored comedies out there. In Season four, we continue to follow the Rose’s on their journey of personal growth, going from riches to rags in a small bumfuck town where they clearly stick out like a redneck tooth fairy for plenty of good reasons. We already knew Catherine O’Hara and Eugene Levy were totes brilliant, but every season I grow more and more enamored with how crazy talented Dan Levy & Annie Murphy are. Their nuances, the way the arcs of their characters have evolved… it’s like their learning from two comic legends and its working for them every step of the way. This is truly already an iconic, feel good show that is spreading such messages of love and beauty throughout society. Loves it!

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libralita · 5 years

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March Wrap Up | 2019

This was a decent month for reading. I read twelve books but a lot of them were manga and graphic novels so that helped boost the amount of books but didn’t help with the page count. But there were some pretty good books!

The first book I read was Little Witch Academia Vol. 1 by Yoh Yoshinari:

*takes a deep breath* SO PRECIOUS! I started watching the anime on Netflix and I am in absolute love. I saw that the first volumes of the manga were on Amazon so I snatched them up. They’re just as cute. We even get to see a little bit more of the backstories to our protagonists. I like the twists the mangaka does to the stories and the little changes. Wonderful start! Five out of five stars.

Then I read Little Witch Academia Vol. 2:

Another super cute volume! I love getting to see more of Frank and Andrew’s school. The boys are so silly and I love seeing what the “normal” people think of the witches. I still don’t really understand the conflict that much between the normies and witches but whatever. So precious and I loved it! Five out of five stars.

Then I “finished” The Priory of the Orange by Samantha Shannon:

Alright I actually stopped this book with like 50 pages to go because I was just so bored. There’s something about Samantha Shannon that is just too much for me. Her stories are always so convoluted that it’s hard for me to follow. They’re not really particularly complex, just something about them makes them really overly complicated. I had the same problem with the Bone Season. This book was just too long, had too many characters, after a while I just stopped caring. I mean I guess I made it to the 750 page mark so something kept me reading but after a while I just stopped caring. I still gave it three out of five stars just because I got so far but whatever.

Then I read The Walking Dead Vol 1: Days Gone Bye by Robert Kirkman:

I had the sudden urge to read this…did I mention that zombies terrify me? This was pretty good, I don’t know if I’ll continue with this because…zombies terrify me. However it was a cool comic and a nice break from the other stuff I’ve been reading. Four out of five stars.

Then I picked up This One Summer by Mariko Tamaki:

In my YA literature class my professor had a week on graphic novels she brought this book in and I asked to borrow it. It was pretty good. I don’t have too much to say about it because there wasn’t that much plot to it or anything. It was just an interesting summer between these two girls. It was dull for a few parts but I mostly enjoyed it. I gave it five out of five stars.

Then I borrowed my professor’s copy of Anya’s Ghost by Vera Brosgol:

This was a really good story! I really enjoyed Anya as a protagonist. There were a few points where I got chills. I really felt bad for Emily in the beginning. Then when she said she was murdered, it was really insane. But then when it was revealed what happened, it was so insane! Then everything she was doing to Anya’s family. It was so intense. One of my favorites of the year. Five out of five stars, easily.

Next I reread Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher:

I had to pick a banned book for my YA Literature class, so I decided to reread this one. On second reading it wasn’t as good as I remember it. The ending was still pretty strong but I found myself starting to dislike Hannah. She’s really selfish for doing this to these people, especially Clay. I really liked the ending and Clay reaching out to Skye. It kind of made me want to rewatch the first season of the show but I’m probably not going to do that. I lowered this to four stars.

I then read American Gods by Neil Gaiman:

I really enjoyed this book, the concept is just so awesome. The one problem I have with it, is that Gaiman tends to write giant worlds but only shows a small fraction of them. It’s a little bit better than in The Graveyard Book (by the way at some point Shadow goes to graveyard and I wonder if that’s a reference) but I would have liked to see more of the modern gods. I also really want to see the show now. Five out of five stars.

Then I read Avengers Annual #10 by Chris Claremont:

An absolutely wonderful read. I was recommended this book because it was the origin of Rouge and I loved the character. The art was stunning and the plot interesting. So much action. Could not recommend it more if you can get your hands on it. Five out of five stars.

Then I checked out from my school’s library Foundryside by Robert Jackson Bennett:

So this book was freaking amazing! The world was so interesting and how the magic system worked. I could instantly tell why Brandon Sanderson liked this so much. I freaking loved Clef. He was my favorite…character! I loved all the objects and felt so bad for them. I’m going to give my computer a hug after this to make sure it knows I love it and it does a good job. The only minor problem I had with this book is the romance between Berenice and Sancia seemed really random. I also shipped Sancia was Gregor because I love their interactions. It’s not a huge deal and I don’t know how I’ll wait until 2020 for the next book. Five out of five stars.

I then read South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami:

This wasn’t my favorite Haruki Murakami book, I felt like there wasn’t much of a plot to this one. It was a little bit dull and I was more interested in the past of the main characters than what was going on in the present. It was an okay book. Three out of five stars.

Sticking the Japanese setting, I read My Almost Flawless Tokyo Dream Life by Rachel Cohn:

This book was massively flawed. Elle was a pretty poorly written character, this book follows the trend of accidently making the main character a hypocrite and having a one-dimensional bully character. However, I somehow really enjoyed it. I think it’s because all the side characters were so good. I would kill for a book entirely about Kenji and the author also subverted a lot of the tropes that I hate for YA contemporary books. Ryuu and Elle don’t have some force drama, Ryuu is actually there for her like a good boyfriend in a healthy relationship. This is a guilty pleasure and for that I gave it five out of five stars.

Those are all the books I read this month, hopefully I have another good month!

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nauticfoxes · 5 years

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i think it’s really interesting that we look at fantasy and fiction which despicts dark magic as something that takes life and turns it into magical energy for someone’s use, and we instantly classify it as bad, imoral, sometimes because of the cultural/mythological contruction of “dark magic” as a concept, other times because the piece of fiction shows that bad consequences that it brings to the user and causes in other people. so, for example, in the dragon prince, we have claudia: she’s a dark magic user, and because she doesn’t have natural magic, she kills animals (most often small animals, like butterflies, slugs, etc) to get the magic from them; later in s2, she kills a little deer to get her brother’s full mobility back, and it’s implied to have some pretty bad consequences for her. also, we look at all of this, and, not only because of the way the story frames it, think it’s imoral and bad.

but here’s the thing, humans have been killing oher things for personal use since like. forever. we kill other humans and other animals and our environment and well, while most people think that’s kinda bad, they’re like “well whatever, what else can we do?”

everyday, a lot of animals like dogs, rats, monkeys, etc are tortured (physically and psychologically) for the purpose of medical advancement, or even for ridiculously vain things like cosmetics (makeup, clothes, etc) and most people only really care when it’s dogs. and that’s not even touching the clusterfuck that’s the meat industry. (and this all on like a huge scale, daily, all over the world)

i think there’s two reasons for this:

a. irl, we’re so distanced from these aspects that a lot of people don’t even know about the extent of animal usage in industries and inventions. even if we know, we don’t really see it, and we end up not giving a shit because humans are stupid and can only empathize or feel bad for things we look at directly. for another example, the movie okja on netflix shows heavy imagery of animal cruelty and the reality of the meat industry and it’s literally impossible to watch that movie and not feel bad after/during it.

b. we’re so used to this cruelty for the sake of human survival and (a big part of it for) enjoyment that our brains can just lie to ourselves and focus on the good things; like how good a certain meat is or how it’s really hard to buy no animal cruelty makeup or how this leather thing is really cool or how if we don’t torture monkeys and little rats we would have never learned most things we know about psychology or neurology. also, to illustrate my point with okja again, i haven’t yet met someone who watched that movie, felt bad about it and then went on with their lives NOT eating meat or thinking/consuming things critically as to not contribute as an individual to industries that practice animal cruelty.

so, yeah, i think looking at the difference in how people interact with media vs how they interact with the real world and i also have enough free time to write this essay-sized bullshit. here ya go

#essay #tdp #ramblings #personal #the dragon prince

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viakook · 6 years

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Welcome to Destiny’s Destination!

This is a choose-your-own-story fic where you every decision you make effects your outcome.

[!] Before continuing, make sure you’ve read the preface here!

If you already understand the concept of this reading experience, then welcome to your story! Remember to vote on the poll at the end.

Tears were still stinging your eyes as you collected the rest of your things from the plastic containers, well aware of the stares from onlookers. However, you were quick to sniffle and blink furiously to expel the feeling aching to make itself abundantly known on your face as sadness.

It was hard, though. It’s not every day that you uproot everything you’ve ever found familiar to pursue a job in a country you’ve only been dreaming of since you left high school.

So as you took a step away from your family who was still painfully standing on the other side of TSA, watching your back as you left them for an undetermined amount of time, you mustered all your courage to not look back. As you cruised further and further until you were out of their sight you found a weight slowly lifting and a nervousness moving into your chest.

For years you had become so accustomed to the security of your parents while you traveled anywhere, be it driving, by train, or even the subway. Staring ahead of you into the giant building that encased you, a panic began to settle as the realization of your almost complete lack of directional skills was put to the test.

Your fingers fiddled with the boarding pass slid into a random page of your passport, pulling the paper out and reading over the various letters and numbers. Yet, the longer you looked the more confused you became.

Unbeknownst to you, a stranger had perched himself beside you with his gaze set on the directory screen only a few feet ahead. The shuffling of his own papers had drawn your attention upward and you nearly jumped at how close this man was.

It was obvious by how quickly he moved that he was no stranger to flying, and given the tan slacks that barely reached his ankles and the freshly pressed cotton button down, it was clear he was of a higher class. Surely a businessman, you concluded. However, as he turned his head away from you to check his directions, you noticed the odd way his sunglasses hung upside down on his neck, barely gripped onto his ears.

There wasn’t another moment to gawk at the peculiarity of his attire, though, as he was suddenly staring blankly into your eyes. There was a pregnant pause as your breath hitched from being caught, but he only tilted his head.

“Can I help you?” His voice was deep as he spoke and the way his eyes wandered to the boarding pass now being wrinkled in your fingers pulled a grin to his face.

“Um,” you stammered, abruptly turning your gaze away in embarrassment. “M-Maybe?”

“Maybe?” Looking up you found his brow rose and his grin turned smug.

You let out an anxious laugh and glanced at your boarding pass, raising it toward him as you spoke. “I’m not sure how to read this, so I’m not sure where my flight is.”

He swiftly plucked the paper from you with two fingers, turning it toward him and scanning his eyes over it before splitting into a boxy smile. “Gate D-18. Looks like it’s your lucky day, that’s my flight as well.”

Your eyes widened at the information and you gave him a smile of your own. “Really? What a coincidence.”

“I’d say,” he nodded and handed the pass back before tucking his own into his back pocket. “Come on, I’ll walk with you.”

With that the pair of you took off into the airport, winding this way and that with you mostly sticking behind him. He would glance back every now and then and only moved aside when you stepped onto the moving walkway.

“From here the gate will be at the far end on the left. I have a reservation in the VIP area so this is where we’ll part ways,” he explained, palms spread behind him on the railing.

You nodded along and adjusted your backpack. “Thank you so much for helping, I probably would have gone the complete other way.”

He let out a short laugh and let his head fall onto his chest before he looked up. “Cute.”

The abrupt comment left you flustered and you diverted your attention until he let out an airy laugh. “I promise you won’t get lost. And if I don’t see you before boarding, have a good flight.”

Just as swiftly as he had appeared he disappeared, stepping off the moving walkway with his suitcase in hand and turning toward a staircase off to the side. With a final thank you barely making it past your lips you continued forward as per his directions and found yourself stopping just where he had said.

A sigh of relief left you as you found an empty spot to sit down and relieve your shoulders of the weight of your backpack. It hit the floor with a soft thud as you set it down and sat before rummaging through its front pocket for your headphones. With them successfully secured you leaned back and settled in for the next 3 hours before boarding began, Netflix becoming welcomed company.

Your toes curled in your shoes at the gory scene before you, and as if it were a sign from the universe to stop watching, your phone buzzed letting you know your battery was down to 10%. The screen disappeared with a click of the home button, revealing there was still an hour and a half until boarding.

A frown pressed to your lips as you looked at the battery in the corner of the screen, eyes moving up in search of a charging station. With little success from the perch of your seat, you gathered your things and stood to walk around the section. You grazed through aisles until you came across a station with a single port open, but no chairs in sight.

With a sigh, you straightened up to continue on, but a voice suddenly called out. “Do you need to charge something?”

Turning halfway towards the person you found a man donned in sunglasses and black ripped jeans, a scarf tucked neatly inside a denim jacket. His fingers were hovering over a wire plugged into one of the USB ports. “My phone is almost at full charge anyways.”

“Uh,” you began unintelligibly, eyes glancing around at all the filled chairs, but the man was quick to catch on.

His nimble fingers pulled a heavier winter jacket and black bag from the seat next to him, opening a seat which he slid into before he gestured to his seat next to the charger. “Please, it’s not a problem.”

You paused for a moment at how nice he was being but were still hesitant. Yet, with one more glance at your phone your desire to not be bored beyond belief on your flight won over and you cautiously sat down.

“I promise I don’t bite,” he teased, smiling wide to show off a radiant smile. Despite the fact you still couldn’t make out his eyes from behind his sunglasses, you returned the gesture with a small smile.

“Thanks.” There wasn’t much conversation left so you turned to pull your charger out from your backpack, but the man piped up again.

“Where are you headed?”

You bit at your lip as you plugged in your phone and rested the device in your lap, eyes glancing at the stranger. “South Korea. I got a teaching position just outside of Seoul.”

He whistled in response, lips turning down in a manner of approval. “That’s pretty cool. You seem rather young though, do you think you’ll be able to handle it?”

A laugh broke through your lips at the comment and you turned to the man with a sudden confidence. “I do think I’ll be able to handle it. I’ve been a teaching assistant through basically my entire college career and I worked really hard to get this job.”

There was a moment of silence on his end as he pursed his lips before he lounged back into his chair and pulled his glasses off. He ran a hand through his hair and nodded before offering you another smile. “That’s a really good attitude you’ve got there, I don’t see it often.”

“W-Well, thank you,” you blinked, taken aback by the compliment. It was hard to read his character but he seemed genuine nonetheless and it was almost odd the gratification you took in his approval.

He said nothing more, headphones now tucked neatly in his ears and eyes cast onto his phone, screen playing some action scene that he quickly became absorbed in. You took a deep breath and resumed your own distractions, sending texts to family and friends to let them know you would be boarding soon.

The next hour felt as if it was dragging on, boredom making you restless as you crossed your legs and uncrossed them, fiddled with your fingers and picked at your nails. Just as you began to muster up the strength to head to the bathroom, the overhead intercom blared to life, a voice echoing your name to report to the departure desk.

Nerves rushed over you and for a moment it felt as if you were a child being called to the principal's office. You uneasily unplugged your phone and glanced at the man beside you. “Could you watch my things for a moment?”

He nodded and turned his attention back to his phone, paying you no mind as you stood and made your way to the desk where an attendant was flying her fingers over the keyboard.

“Ms. Y/L /N?” She questioned and you nodded. “Our passenger cabin is currently at max capacity for carry-on luggage. We noticed you had two carry-on’s ID’d. Would it be okay if we checked your larger bag for space on board?”

“Oh, um,” you stuttered out.

There was a pang of worry coursing through your chest at the idea of giving your smallest suitcase to be checked. It was for the simple reason that airport staff paid no mind of giving care to luggage that you had put your camera, laptop, and fragile objects in there for safe travel.

“You can say no, ya know.” A husky voice chuckled from behind you.

“What?” You intelligently blurted out as you turned. However, you were surprised to see a man clearly dressed in a pilots uniform, stark blond hair peeking out from under his hat.

“You can say no,” he restated. “They can only ask you if it’s okay if it’s not then they make an announcement to other passengers. Don’t worry.”

“Oh, I didn’t know,” you muttered.

He tilted his head to the side, taking a step forward to get a better look at you. “First-time flyer?”

His observation surprised you and you could feel your face flush pink as you nodded and bowed your head. He let out a gentle laugh and softly patted your shoulder to get your attention again. “Take a deep breath, no need to worry that pretty little head of yours.”

With that, he leaned forward onto the counter and folded his arms over each other. “Let her be, it would appear she has too many valuables in her carry-on and isn’t comfortable leaving them in the airport staff’s incapable hands.”

The way he talked to blatantly left you stunned and the desk attendant only held back a smile as the man turned back toward you with a wink. “You’re safe in mine, though.”

The line, although very cheesy, left you blushing harder. He excused himself with a satisfied grin and passed by the desk toward the loading dock of your plane. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding and shook your head as you made your way back to your seat.

You tried to let the last few encounters roll off your shoulders as you shut your eyes and let them rest for a little while. In those moments your body released whatever tension had built up and a calmness passed over as you reminded yourself of what you were doing.

Two, potentially three (or even longer), years abroad in South Korea, teaching English to middle school students at a public school just outside of Seoul. Although it may not have been what you imagined for yourself, unlike what you told the man beside you, it was still what you called your ‘back-up dream’. It was an opportunity of a lifetime and a journey unlike any other, one that would test you in ways you had no idea were possible.

Pulling you from your thoughts, the intercom sounded again exactly 40 minutes before departure, asking for all passengers in zone 1 to line up. At the call, you pulled your boarding pass from your back pocket and skimmed over the mishmash of words before finding ‘ZONE 3’ printed at the top.

Another few minutes passed and zone 2 was called, leaving your knees bouncing in anticipation. All around you, people had begun to line up and you could feel the pressure guiding you to stand and make your way to the back of the line. After all, they would surely call your zone before you made it to the front.

And that they did, you were still standing out in the main walking area, fingers tight on the handle of your luggage and eyes scanning over you pass again. Yet the sound of chunky boots drew the attention of yourself and others to a boy jogging toward the line before he came to a stop a few feet from you.

His eyes were glued to his boarding pass, only moving to glance at the plane number before letting out a sigh. But he was then moving closer into line and furrowing his brows, head turning this way and that until his eyes locked on yours.

“Um,” he started awkwardly, scratching at his neck as he fully turned around. “What zones have they called so far?”

You blankly stared at him for a moment, taking in his attire which screamed to you that he was most definitely a student. From his boyish looks to the snapback on his head, down to the oversized sweater hiding his frame, it was obvious and adorable.

“Zones 1 and 2, but they just called 3,” you replied smiling only when he let out a groan.

“Of course I would miss my call,” he huffed, shifting his eyes to the back of the line that was curved down the main hallway. From this angle you could see the bags from beneath his eyes, a clear lack of sleep having eaten at him and made him so late. At this rate, he would surely be waiting another 20 minutes before he could board.

“Is it that bad to miss your call?” You queried out of genuine curiosity. Of course, waiting sucked, but you were all headed in the same direction.

“Well for one, they might check my carry-on and that’s the last thing I need right now, and second,” he paused and gazed with a pout at the line. “This line looks terrible.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at the way his lips turned downward, a sense of sympathy drawing you to grin and take a step back. “You can go ahead of me. I’m sure they’ll take you since your zone 2.”

“Really?” His eyes were wide and he had visibly perked up at your offer. Another laugh slipped from your lips as you nodded and gestured to the empty space in front of you. “You’re a lifesaver. Thank you so much, seriously.”

“It’s not a big deal,” you waved him off. “We’re all going the same place anyway.”

He grinned at that and shot you a full smile that showed off just how handsome he was. “Well thanks, you’re really kind. I’d give you my bag of pretzels if I knew where you sat.”

You laughed at this and shook your head. “Consider this my good deed for the day––good karma.”

He returned your smile and nodded, stepping toward the desk and handing the attendant his boarding pass before turning back to you with a wave. “Have a good flight!”

“You too!” You call after him. No sooner and he disappeared through the exit doors, leaving you fumbling to hand the attendant your own boarding pass. A sheepish smile creeps onto your lips at the action, and you duck your head as the attendant scans and hands you back the slip of paper.

In seconds you too are through the boarding gate, descending the escalator and drumming your fingers over the handle of your luggage. This was it, in just a few minutes you would be airborne and on your way to a new life. It would be an understatement to say you were terrified.

With high nerves, you followed the backs of other passengers until you were at the door of the plane, a kind stewardess glancing at your pass before directing you to your seat.

Your attention switched between the bold printed letters above the rows and the faded ink on your pass until they both matched up. Pursing your lips you angled your head up at the overhead compartments for an empty spot, finding one directly over your seat.

Despite your best efforts, though, you could barely reach the bag over your shoulders and with the pressure of the line forming behind you, a sweat had begun to form at your temples. A mild panic was settling in and you were mumbling apologies and expressing your dismay with forced smiles until a pair of hands clasped onto your luggage.

“Here, let me help,” came a voice from behind the barrier of your suitcase. However, within seconds the bag was lifted from your hands and into the overhead compartment, revealing a tall ash-blond man with thick-rimmed glasses.

“O-Oh, thank you!” You stuttered out in surprise.

He was smiling kindly, dimples creasing his cheeks as he ducked and moved back into his seat. Yet, as you quickly shook off your surprise you noted how he was sitting in your seat. “Um,” you began awkwardly, pulling his attention back to you. “The aisle seat is actually mine.”

For a second he remained frozen, lips slightly parted until he broke into a sheepish laugh. “Is that so? Sorry, I must have read my pass wrong.”

As he spoke he stood and scooted over into his rightful seat, allowing you to finally escape the eyes of the impatient passengers waiting for you to move.

“No, no. It’s okay. I feel like I’ve been doing that all day,” you replied with your own laugh. A puff of air pushed past your lips as you sat, a relief washing over you.

“Tell me about it,” he scoffed, tilting his head back onto his headrest, a lone finger rising to tap at his glasses. “Even with these I still feel blind sometimes.”

The pair of you share another laugh at the mutual understanding, smiles ending the interaction as you each busied yourselves with getting comfortable. However, before you could plug in your headphones and settle in to watch a movie he spoke up again.

“If you happen to get tired, you can use my shoulder. I wouldn’t want the flight attendants to hit your head with their cart,” he chuckled, eyes kind as he spoke, but a blush rising on his cheeks. “That is if you want to, o-or if you feel bad because it happens by accident? I’m just saying–“

“Thank you,” you cut him off with a laugh and he nodded, diverting his attention to a book perched on his lap.

The rest of boarding continued smoothly and after another 20 minutes the plane was officially airborne, a take off that had you gripping at your armrest. As the unease of getting in the air washed away, you found yourself falling into a movie marathon. All the blockbuster movies you had missed the past few months were delightfully at the tips of your fingers.

For a while, you were happily going from movie to movie, but all the concentration on such a small screen began bugging your eyes and nurturing a growing headache. After what you presumed to be your third movie, you turned off the screen and laid back in your seat, giving yourself a rest in hopes of ridding the pain in your head.

It didn’t go away. A pit grew in your stomach and pain was blaring behind your eyes every time you opened them. Deciding that sleeping it off, you rose a heavy hand and mustered up the courage to press the assistance button on your screen.

Within seconds an attendant was at your side, his eyes wide, hands behind his back and an inquisitive look taking over his features. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Yeah,” you began, attempting to sit up straight. “I have a really bad headache and was wondering if you had any painkillers?”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” he frowned with furrowed brows. “Let me go check.”

He disappeared for barely a minute and returned to your side with a cup of water and a tiny enclosed packet of what you assumed were the painkillers. After gently placing the cup in front of you he squatted down to your side hand outstretched to drop the packet into yours. “I’m not sure how strong there are so if they don’t work within half an hour, call me again.”

“Okay, thank you,” you smiled as you twisted your fingers over the paper of the packet to give it a firm rip. Yet, the paper refrained, the plastic coating over top aiding in keeping it together and further irritating you.

After another attempt, the attendant, who had been silently watching in amusement, lightly offered his hand out to open it for you–an offer you gladly accepted. He swiftly rose the packet up to his mouth, pearly white teeth showing as he bit the paper and pulled it down, successfully opening it.

“Wow, you seem like a professional,” you comment in surprise. It wasn’t that you were impressed, but for such soft features as his, you weren’t expecting such an exaggerated means to open the packet.

He only shrugged his shoulders, eyes turning to crescents as he dropped the pills into your hand and stood up. “It’s part of the job description,” he said and held up his fingers, putting each down as he spoke, “show passengers to their seats, serve them food, give them water, tear open their pills.”

A giggle fell from your lips as he spoke and he couldn’t help but to do so as well, a delightful sound ringing in the air between you two. However, he no sooner was pressing a finger to his lips through his own laughs. “Sh, other passengers are trying to sleep.”

At that you sealed your lips and held in a muted laugh, nodding your head in thanks as he gave you one last smile and walked off.

For another minute or so a smile lingered on your face at the encounter but as the painkillers began to work their magic your lips fell and eyes closed, sleep finally settling in. You weren’t sure how long you were out, but a sudden rock of the plane shook you awake nearly two hours later.

Your vision was bleary as you looked around and stretched your arms ahead of you. The man beside you was still out cold but the flight path showing on his screen answered the question you had to ask. Only an hour and a half left on your flight, then it was time to face your new life.

A sigh escaped you as you adjusted yourself in your seat again, yet with a simple lift of yourself to reposition, a sensation fell over you and you clamped your legs together. You began to wrack your brain for when the last time you had gone to the bathroom was and came up in pain when you realized it was only a little before you had boarded.

Suddenly your nerves were spiking again at the prospect of leaving your seat and mainly having to wait out in the open for the bathroom to open. As your bladder seemed to squeeze itself, though, you swiftly found yourself unbuckling your seatbelt and rising to stand in the aisle with a wave. However, you steeled your nerves (and your bladder) and moved as quickly as possible up the aisle given the situation.

Approaching the stalls your heart drops at the sight of a man already standing there, both bathrooms occupied with little red lights above the doors. So the two of you stand there in silence, but it was clear the man was slightly annoyed as he muttered under his breath.

“Seriously?” He huffed loudly after a moment. “How long does it take to take a piss?”

You held back your smile and tilted your head down, but he only spoke louder with the intention of getting your attention. “I’ve been standing here for almost 5 minutes now and they were both closed when I got here.”

Staring at him you were a taken aback by his brazen attitude, but it was obvious he was only poking fun at the situation as he still had a lighthearted tone. “I even tried the bathroom in first class but the line is 3 people long and I thought I didn’t have time to wait.”

You stifle a laugh and wave your hand at the sound of a toilet flushing behind the door. “I’m sure they’ll be out soon, don’t worry.”

“Thank the Lord, I’m about ready to explode.”

“Tell me about it,” you huffed. “The last I went to the bathroom I wasn’t even on the plane.”

At that, the door lock snapped and the frail barrier opened as a teenage girl stepped out, headphones secure in her ears. You shared a look with the man and he could only seem to roll his eyes.

“Alright, well don’t take too long in there,” you piped up after she passed you.

He paused, though, unraveling his hands from his chest and then waving you to go into the bathroom instead. “I think you probably have to go a lot more than me.”

“What? No, you’ve been waiting here way longer. I can wait a little more,” you protested but he kept shaking his head.

“It’s okay, I insist,” he ushered you again, moving closer with a hand hovering at your back. “I’d suggest you go unless you want some cranky old people to start nagging at you.”

Taking a glance back you notice the two elderly women behind you with deep-set frowns. You duck your head at them and turn back to the man.

“O-Okay,” you give him a grateful smile and move toward the bathroom. “Thank you.”

He nods and waves you in again with a grin smoothing over his lips. You’re quick inside the bathroom and when you emerge he’s still standing there, offering you a wink while you trade positions. “Looks like the ladies overheard me. I’d hurry back to my seat if I were you.”

You let out another giggle and give him a final thank you before scurrying back to your seat for the rest of the flight.

Unboarding goes by relatively quickly and you find yourself yawning quite often as you walk hurriedly through the airport. Immigration goes by in a blink and before you know it you’re waiting at the luggage carousel for the appearance of your two bright yellow suitcases.

It’s a bit much to manage on your own, but after getting a firm grip of two handles in one hand and your largest suitcase in the other, you’re setting off toward the taxi stop. People are flying by around you and yelling across crowds, and for a moment it feels like you’re moving in slow motion as the doors open and you step outside.

Years of preparation, time spent abroad here to decide if this is what you wanted to do, and you’ve finally achieved that goal. Yes, it wasn’t exactly the job you wanted, but it was a stepping stone to a life you had worked so hard for.

Air whipped at your face as buses flew by but the breeze was accompanied by a hint of the ocean courtesy of the island the airport was settled on. A smile was sneaking up on your lips as you shut your eyes and took a deep breath. Nothing could live up to this moment.

“Stop my luggage!”

But something sure could shatter it, just not in the way you would think.

Congratulations on completing the prologue!

Now comes the most important part of your journey: who will you share it with?

→ The dapper CEO, Kim Taehyung [Unavailable] → The energetic traveler, Jung Hoseok [Unavailable] → The suave pilot, Min Yoongi [Unavailable] → The late student, Jeon Jungkook [Unavailable] → The sweet grad student, Kim Namjoon [Unavailable] → The kind flight attendant, Park Jimin [Unavailable] → The brazen actor, Kim Seokjin [Unavailable]

Take the poll to help the author decide whose routes to unlock first!

Take Poll

#bangtan bookclub #bangtan #ot7 #bts fanfic #m:dd #m:ddp

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beccaboosthings · 5 years

Note

1-65 for the odd asks💛

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

Idk if I’m just tired or what, but idk what this means lol

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Maybe like a 2?

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Trump

4. What is your favorite word?

Idk about it being my favorite but my cousin reminded me that flabbergasted was a word today, so theres that

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

Mapel

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

“wow I look like shit”

7. What shirt are you wearing?

A 2016 Homecoming shirt my mom had to wear because she works at a school

8. What do you label yourself as?

Some weird Bi girl who knows more about fictional worlds then the real one

9. Bright room or dark room?

Dark

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Watching Netflix wile and trying not to wake up my bff

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

I’m going to have to say maybe age 7? Life was just so much easier

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My gf :)

13. Your worst enemy?

Some bitch I used to be best friends with. I cant stand them

14. What is your current desktop picture?

This

15. Do you like someone?

yes

6. The last song you listened to?

High Hopes by P!ATD

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Idk lol

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

The person I hate

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

I dont like the concept as an actual “slave” but ya know when you are little and you make your sibling do stuff for you, I would want that

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

My hair. People always complain if their hair is strait or if its curly and they like the other, but my hair does both depending on what i do with it after I wash it

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

I would look like Dan Howell probably, and idk what I would do haha.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

I dont think I have any

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

Being buried alive

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Idk, I dont really eat sandwiches, I guess just pb&j, because childhood, ya know?

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Right now? probably christmas presents

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

London

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

I have no clue haha. Sorry Im boring, I also might be like half asleep right now but shhh

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Acceptance for all, no matter race, gender, sexuality, ect, everyone is welcome and anyone who disagrees can get the fuck out

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

My phone. It has all of my pictures on it and what not

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Family drama shit

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

I would move to london, or maybe paris lol

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

As long as she would be 100% healthy, My sister.

34. What was your last dream about?

I’m pretty sure it was my gf

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Idk what to put lol

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Yes? I think?

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

I did the other day. It was just a small one but it still counts

38. What is the color of your socks?

White and teal

39. What type of music do you like?

Pop, Pop punk, Rock, basically anything but rap and country

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

I dont really like milkshakes lol

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

I dont pay any attention to sports lol

43. Do you have any scars?

Yes, I have more then I can count, i scar EXTREMELY easily

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

Idk. I want to do something that ha to do with art

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My mental health

46. Are you reliable?

yes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

does it get better?

48. Do you hold grudges?

nope

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a bird and a fish. does it have to be in the water? does it fly? who tf knows

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

Me and my dad once had the conversation of would different dog breeds taste different if you were to eat them?

51. Are you a good liar?

Sometimes. If i am strait up lying, not really, but if i am bull shitting my way through i could do it for hours

52. How long could you go without talking?

a few hours maybe. I mean i dont speak when I sleep so maybe 12?

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

I dont think i have had any bad ones

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

I do all the time

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

I can do a british one pretty decently

56. What do you like on your toast?

either butter or peanut butter

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

flowers

58. What would be you dream car?

I like punch buggies so i can go around and see people wack each other haha

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I just think way too much when i shower, thats why they take me like an hour haha

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Yes

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

Never

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

I have never thought about this before haha. May be A? Idk lol

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Dragons

64. What do you think about babies?

They are cute as long as they arent crying and i dont have to deal with them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

Lol

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aion-rsa · 3 years

Text

The Trouble with Alien Zombies

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

Soon we’re going to be watching Zack Snyder leave behind the quest for a “grown-up” superhero movie and return to his old playground, the zombie movie. Army of the Dead looks like a huge amount of fun and leaves us wondering why nobody has made a zombie heist movie before (except for Train to Busan sequel, Peninsula), but one of the plot details that has leaked about the film is that Area 51 plays a significant role.

This suggests that the zombie plague may be extraterrestrial in origin. Like most subversions of the zombie apocalypse genre (although Army of the Dead promises a much smaller and more contained “apocalypse” so that all that cash they steal is still worth something) this is actually a plot twist you can trace back to the earliest roots of the genre.

In Night of the Living Dead, the zombie apocalypse (although again, by the end of the film the “ghouls” seem to have been mostly mopped up) is the result of strange radiation emerging from a probe that has returned from Venus. The trope goes back even further than that.

One of the few films that can make a claim to an earlier take on the zombie apocalypse than Night of the Living Dead is the timeless classic Plan 9 from Outer Space. In that film, which we will not be making any jokes about, aliens reanimate the recently dead and drive them to attack the capital cities of the Earth.

In fact, if you want to find pre-George Romero examples of zombie apocalypse stories, the original series of Star Trek has done two. In the episode “Miri” the Enterprise encounters an exact duplicate of Earth, except that humanity has been wiped out by a deadly pandemic that turns every adult human into a violent, raging monster. It’s a premise explored in more detail by Charlie Higson’s YA zombie series The Enemy, and the Netflix series Daybreak.

Star Trek also gives us the brilliantly titled “Operation — Annihilate!”, where a swarm of spacefaring parasites sweep through the galaxy, infecting humanoids and driving them to a violent rage.

Yes, zombie purists might claim both of these are close to 28 Days Later’s “Rage infected humans” than true zombies, but in truth, the genre is big enough to include multitudes, and anything that A: uses human bodies, to B: create more entities like itself, while C: Not appearing to be intelligent, will usually create a story that looks a lot like a zombie story.

Indeed, Star Trek would come back to space zombies again, once more in the Star Trek: Enterprise episode, “Impulse” and again in the pilot episode of Star Trek: Lower Decks.

Is There Death on Mars?

Star Trek is not alone in drinking from this particular well. Early in its run Dark Matter had a space zombie episode. Doctor Who has done two space zombie episodes in the new series alone, “The Waters of Mars”, and “Oxygen” (which used zombie movie tropes for their intended purpose- bringing down capitalism), and that’s just including the ones actually set in space. Hell, even the primitive bandage-and-hospital-gown-wearing Cybermen from “The Doctor Falls” have a very George Romero vibe to them.

The appeal of putting a zombie in a spaceship for a TV show is easy to see. Zombies are a cool and instantly recognisable monster. Spaceships are a cool and instantly recognisable setting. What’s more, while your production values may vary, zombies on a spaceship is a pretty damn cheap concept to realise on screen. Zombies are just however many extras you can afford with some gory make-up. All you need for a spaceship is some suitably set-dressed corridors and maybe a couple of exterior model shots if you’re feeling swish.

And as with the zombie apocalypse genre as a whole, the audience instantly and instinctively understands “the rules” of a zombie story, allowing you to focus on your characters and the solutions they come up with.

The movies are no stranger to the space zombie either. The most straightforward example being The Last Days on Mars, which is pretty much a note-for-note remake of Doctor Who’s “The Waters of Mars” but without David Tennant. Mars is a popular venue, in fact as we see also Martian zombie apocalypses in Doom (2005) and Doom Annihilation (neither of which I watched to research this article, because there are limits). Even the “Ghosts” in Ghosts of Mars (which I did watch) may resemble more of a cross between Mad Max baddies and Evil Dead’s Deadites than zombies, but still, have a certain zombieness about them.

Most recently, in this last year Bruce Willis has starred in not one, but two movies with sub-Doctor Who production values where he fights space zombie-like adversaries (I have watched Breach/Anti-Life and Cosmic Sin, so don’t know why I thought I could get away with being snobby about the Doom movies earlier).

But Doom also raises another point about space zombies – a really popular venue for the extra-terrestrial undead is videogames.

This is for surprisingly very similar reasons to why space zombies are popular on telly and in film. Videogames will get far more creative in designing the appearance of their space zombies – with the Dead Space trilogy setting the bar with their gloriously gory Necromorphs – but the AI for a zombie, environmental navigation aside, seldom needs to be much more complicated than that of a Pac-Man ghost. Space has been a popular videogame setting for as long as videogames have been a thing, thanks to the handy black background it offers, and once again, corridors.

We’ve seen them in Dead Space, in all the Doom games, but also the Halo games in the form of the fungal, cancerous looking, Ophiocordyceps unilateralis-inspired Flood. Mass Effect gives us colonists zombified by the sentient Thorian plant, as well as the more technological “Husks”. And of course, there’s that one Call of Duty map.

Even now the makers of the original Dead Space games are looking to get back in on the action with the upcoming game, The Callisto Protocol.

And yet, while the appeal of space zombies is undeniable, by the same token they just don’t feel quite like “proper” zombie stories.

In Space, Nobody Can Hear You Shout “Brains!”

The problem is this: Your archetypical zombie story is ultimately a siege narrative. Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead, even twists on the formula like 28 Days Later, Train to Busan, and Pontypool all operate on a similar premise. You and some humans you probably don’t get on with are trapped in a structure (in Train it’s a moving structure, but still counts). Outside of that structure, there are somewhere between hundreds and thousands of zombified humans who want to get in and kill you. The humans keep arguing until the zombies get in and kill everyone.

For this to work you need a structure with a lot of room around it, and a big population of people to be turned into zombies.

Unfortunately the living conditions in space, even in our wildest space future fantasies, tend to be A: Quite claustrophobic, and B: Don’t have many people in.

Even in Dead Space, arguably the best example of a space zombie story, you very often find yourself thinking that if zombies hadn’t killed off this mining ship/space station/mining colony, overpopulation would have.

At the same time, spaceships, space stations and colonies tend to have really good, robust metal doors separating any two parts of the habitat, quickly reducing any zombie plotline to this XKCD cartoon.

But there are workarounds, and ways to use these restrictions to your advantage. Zombies are, by nature, pretty rubbish, slow-moving, stupid, easy to kill in small numbers. Most zombie stories get around this issue by throwing loads of them at you. Space zombie movies can make use of those corridors we mentioned earlier, showing how much scarier a single zombie can be in enforced close quarters.

Zombies also have one major advantage over their living victims – they don’t need to breathe. This is a major plus point in space, offering you the chance to have hordes of zombies crawling along the outer hull of the ship – something we’ve seen in Dead Space and Doctor Who’s “Oxygen”.

At the same time, the space setting also emphasises another key aspect of the zombie story – resource management. In space there is no huge abundance of well-stocked shopping malls or bunkers full of firearms. One of the ways The Last Days on Mars manages to make its very small number of zombies threatening is that their small hab modules have very little that you could use as a weapon.

And yet, space zombies still lack a certain something of their terrestrial counterparts.

It’s Undeath, Jim, but Not as We Know It

The thing is, aside from anything else, zombies are a transformation of the familiar. They look like more beaten-up versions of your neighbours and co-workers. The zombie apocalypse is a scene you can easily imagine on your street, at your pub, your local shopping centre.

Army of the Dead gets this – no matter where you are in the world, the iconography of the Las Vegas strip is familiar and we enjoy seeing it overrun by the undead.

And spaceships just aren’t. You might conceivably end up on holiday in Vegas. You’re statistically unlikely to be an astronaut.

But it’s more than that. Zombies are far more than cheap monsters that require little in the way of make-up or AI programming. The symbolism they carry is incredibly weighty. Earthly zombies have been used to represent capitalism, conformity, Vietnam soldiers, couch potato culture, mob mentality, our instinct towards violence, poverty, our obsession with mobile phones, and our ability to dehumanise one another.

Divorced from our world, from us as we recognise ourselves, that symbolism becomes a lot harder to nail. The zombies in The Last Days on Mars are just zombies. Dead Space’s Necromorphs are maybe a legally-safe satire on Scientology? Pandorum gives us extremely pale evolved human descendants that are extremely zombie-ish, and they certainly exhibit some of the worst bits of humanity, but they also live in a darkened, claustrophobic Hell, so it’s hard to hold it against them.

Zombies rarely represent anything in the way Earth-bound zombies do.

At least, nothing human.

Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Children of Ruin features a sentient alien slime mould-like creature that, in its curiosity and need to explore, infiltrates and takes over the nervous system of the humans it encounters. To an outside observer, they look extremely like zombies, but the lifeform itself isn’t aggressive, just very, very alien. Andrew Skinner’s Steel Frame gives us not only space zombies, but space zombie mechs, and again the “Flood” (not the Halo one) that infects them is implied to be a kind of hivemind.

Most of the space zombies we’ve seen here aren’t what purists would call “true zombies” but are some manner of hivemind. This is true of Halo’s Flood, Mass Effect’s Thorians and Husks, and if we throw the doors to zombie-dom wide open, while they’re very different in the TV series, the Borg of Star Trek: First Contact come across as alien cyber-zombies.

One book to feature relatively harmless alien-created zombies is Arkady and Boris Strugatsky’s Roadside Picnic. In that book the aliens aren’t robots or little green men, we just encounter their leftovers and garbage, which are artefacts strange and incomprehensible to humans. That these artefacts somehow raise the dead as mindless automata is a minor side issue – the book is about how alien intelligence might be something so different from ourselves we don’t even recognise it as intelligence.

If there is a space for alien zombies and zombie astronauts in the zombie pantheon, maybe it’s there. Space zombies are scary because they look like us but think so differently that we can’t comprehend them, while Earth zombies are scary because we have oh so much in common with them.

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Chris Farnell is the author of Fermi’s Progress, a series of novellas about a prototype FTL ship that blows up every planet it encounters. The latest instalment, Descartesmageddon, features an alien planet undergoing a very different kind of zombie apocalypse. It is available at Scarlet Ferret and Amazon.

The post The Trouble with Alien Zombies appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3bzMf6P

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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back2basicssoberliving · 4 years

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Family Letter 7.31.20-8.3.20

Dear B2B Parents,

We started this weekend off staying back at the house on Friday with a relaxing day to prepare many of the new guys first outdoor trip. After waking up our program director and one of our therapists came over to the house and we began the day with an end of week review, where we talked about how we were doing with our weekly individual intentions as well as how we showed up for ourselves and others in our program followed by feedback from all the guys to better one another. Then we went out to the fields and got active playing some volleyball, disc golf and soccer. After we left the fields the staff treated us to some slushies and ice cream at Sonic as a reward for a solid week of personal growth for the boys. Following the fields we came back to the house and played some cards and cut up; naturally being the humorous, joking guys we are. Later that evening we had a delicious burger blowout in honor of sending off one of our guys out of transitional living out into the real world. It was a great day full of relaxation and jokes, but the highlight of the night had to be the vicious roast of our boy to keep him humble as he moves on to the next chapter of his life. Of course we gave him our best regards as well. We ended the night all watching and enjoying some great laughs of a stand-up comedy Netflix special of Sebastion Meniscalco.

Saturday we had a bright and early start to the day, cleaned the house, packed up our bags along with the rest of the group equipment we needed for the trip. The trip leaders beautifully delegated everything needed for the weekend, and ran through the check list of gear each guy needed. We packed up the vans and hit the road, heading to Sedona for the weekend. Windows down, blasting some tunes we let the world know the boys were coming. Our first destination was Bullpen day use area at West Clear Creek. Being more crowded than usual you know we had to pull up with the big dog vibes and show everyone what the B2B boys are all about. After showing up and showing out on the roughly 15 – foot cliff jump we eventually moved down the creek to a more secluded area to kick it and relax with just the boys for a few hours. There we enjoyed the clear skies, bright sun, cool and crisp creek water in addition to some nice pre-packed lunch sammies We did a quick little outdoor safety/trip guidelines brief for all the knew guys in the group to keep everyone safe and respectful of nature and with other hikers we encounter throughout the trip. On the way back to the vans it was necessary to make a quick stop back at the cliff-jumping spot to leave a “splash” of the B2B Boys’ vibes. We headed back to a nice elevated area with a scenic view to set up base camp for the weekend. A couple of the boys started up some burgers and hot dogs for dinner while everyone else helped set up tents and the rest of camp. The feast began and ended very quickly since everyone was so hungry from the full day of swimming and sun. After dinner, we all hung out and bonded with some fun conversations along with a disappointing defeat and yet possibly rigged game of spades for two but satisfying for the other two. The sun set and everyone headed to bed.

Waking up to a nice toasty, sunny day we started up breakfast and coffee to energize everyone for the day ahead. It was a quicker breakfast than we geared up and got an early start in the vans heading to our next destination, Parsons Spring Trail. It was a little bit more of a hike, about 4 miles to our swimming spot for the day. A total of 8 miles. Definitely less crowded than the spot of the previous day, we were able to hang out there for most of the day. There was another nice little 20 – footish cliff for the boys to jump off and the water was absolutely perfect at that spot. One of the boys assumed the role of Captain America and saved the surprisingly “different than Tv” version of Wonder Woman as she tried to climb up the cliff and plummeted to the water. Big props to Cap for coming in clutch and being of service to others while out on the trip. We enjoyed some sun, swimming and more sammies for a while than we rolled along the trail a little bit further and discovered an awesome, pretty out-dated mine. After a little exploration of the mine, the boys gathered up and we ran an AA meeting surrounded by the vast nature of the canyon we were at the bottom of. Finally the exploration for the day ended, we headed back to the vans and of course stopped at the cliff once more to leave another splash of B2B Boys’ vibes at that location as well. We rolled back to base camp and began to unwind and relax as the sun began to set. I must throw out a big shout out to the individual of the group who stepped up as head chef and led the boys in whipping up a gnarly chicken and veggie curry for dinner. Once again after dinner everyone hung out and connected with some beneficial conversations of growth along with some games. Although, this night there was known rigging of spades and the power squad got their redemption in an absolute annihilation with two back-to-back wins including FIVE sets in a row. Of course there were no hard feelings after the game, just handshakes and as always good vibes all around.

Finally the last day of the trip had arrived. With the help of some coffee and everyone’s team effort we got camp all packed up and headed out. With a quick little stop at one last creek spot we wrapped up the weekend with a solid community group. Each guy, including staff got to share their experiences, suggestions, feedback and affirmations over the duration of the trip. It was a great time to get real and work on some very valuable concepts and values from the weekend and how we can help each other move forward in these areas. We ended the group with a final dip in the creek to cool off then it was back to Flagstaff for everyone. It was quite a phenomenal and beneficial trip for the new group, and we all look forward to many more with all the brothers here currently. Arriving back to the house, everyone helped de-rig the van and clean everything up while ya boy wrote this very well thought-out and I must say, fire letter. I hope y’all enjoy, much love from all the B2B boys to all the fantastically supportive and loving parents out there.

The B2B Boys.

from Back2Basics Addiction Recovery for Drugs and Alcohol https://back2basics-soberliving.com/family-letter-7-31-20-8-3-20/

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randoreviews · 4 years

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LEE INTERVIEW 2

Ben: So yeah, again, these are like really simple questions. No real brain busters. Should I just start? Lee: Yeah, just dive right in, man. Ben: Okay, cool. So what was the last thing you had to eat? Lee: Ahh, this morning I had some breakfast, I made some... potatoes, some scrambled eggs, with a little bit of creme fraiche in em and some cilantro and some sausage. Ben: Oooo! Lee: And then I hit it with a little green Tabasco. Ben: I was gonna ask you any ketchup but green Tabasco, okay. Lee: Yeah, green Tabasco. It's the only way to fly. Ben: Nice. And I was gonna ask you what was the last thing you had to drink, but I can join it up with this question: did you have coffee this morning and how was that? Lee: Yeah, I have coffee every morning. Ben: Does it make you, like, wanna listen to heavy metal or? Lee: No, just a pleasant way to ease into the day, I find. Come down and throw on a pot. Feed the dog. Let the dog out. By the time all that's done there's a fresh hot pot a coffee waiting for me. And just sip on that for a while. Ben: Nice. So in general it usually relaxes you? Cuz I know sometimes for me it can give you that gentle boost you need or like for me it'll make me wanna do like twenty different things at once and plan a trip around the world. Lee: Yeah, I think the jitters is what they call that. But ah, I'll just avoid drinking it late at night, other than that it keeps me rollin through the day. Ben: Yessir. Cool. So when was the last time you had a Pop-Tart? Really random question. Lee: Pop-Tart? God I feel like it was actually more recent than you would think, but I can't put my finger on when it woulda been. I feel like Pop-Tarts were in my life fairly recent... Oh yeah, cuz my fiance's brother is big into Pop-Tarts, so I think when he was out here earlier this fall he had a little stash and then when he left I think there were a Pop-Tart or two leftover. So I'm gonna say it was probly sometime possibly after Thanksgiving but before Christmas. If you can believe that. Before that it was prolly... ten years? Ben: I can, yeah. Cool, so pretty recently, I knew there was a reason I asked you that. Lee: Oh, yeah. Very timely question. On point as always. Ben: Haha. Those things will last twenty years in the cupboard. May as well not let em go to waste anyway. Lee: No. In fact I'll probly go back inside and check and make sure I didn't miss any on my last round. Ben: Haha. Okay. I have just so many random questions just scribbled down. What one makes sense next. Lee: That's cool. Ben: Arrre youuu watching any shows right now with your fiance, since you just mentioned her. Any Columbo. Lee: No, we haven't... well, I'll take that back, sooo... we both enjoy The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel on... Netflix, I believe? No, it's not Netflix, it's Amazon. Ben: Yup. Lee: Yeah, that's a really good show and I think they only have like two or three episodes left in the, I guess it's the series. It's definitely season 3 maybe but I don't think they're makin another one after that. Ben: I've heard it has great costumes. Lee: Yeah, great costumes, great set design. The dialogue's just... razor sharp. (starts laughing to himself) Ben: Haha, yup. Lee: And it's a pretty unique concept or storyline or however you wanna put it, it's not something I've seen anything like before so... Ben: And that's about the housewife who becomes a standup comedian? Lee: Yeah, pretty much. Yup. Ben: Okay, okay. Is she your favorite character in the show? Lee: She's great. She's also got this lady who plays her manager who's (starts laughing to himself again) pretty hilarious at times. And then, oh, maybe you can help me with this one -- her dad is played by the guy who was in that show, you would know his name. He was in, I wanna say he was in The Man Who Wasn't There but I can't put my finger on where he woulda been. But he played that like neurotic detective on some TBS show I can't remember. Ben: Huh. Okay. I don't think I can remember? But I'm just gonna look it up and I'll include it in the transcript of the interview. https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001724/ Lee: Yeah, but his character is probably my favorite of the bunch. Ben: Nice. So Mrs. Maisel and no other shows right now? Lee: No. No, we try to avoid the TV as much as possible which we do a really good job at but every once in a while we’ll watch... we watched Clue? The movie Clue last night from 1985? Ben: Oh I love that one. Lee: Yeah, it's the first time I'd seen it. Ben: Oh, it's great. Great ensemble cast. Lee: Yeah, Christopher Lloyd and the guy whose name I don't remember but I think he was in like Rocky Horror Picture Show. Ben: Tim Curry. Lee: Tim Curry, yeah. He was really good. I didn't recognize anyone else, I think. Ben: Yeah. And then the maid. I've seen it a couple times but when you're really young that maid with the great cleavage, it's like, I like this movie. Lee: Lotta great cleavage in that movie, to be honest. I pointed that out as we were watchin it, I was like, yeah... pretty decent amount of cleavage. They knew what they were doin back in the 80s. Wouldn't get away with that now, I'll tell you that much! Ben: Yup, yup. Lee: So yeah, that's about it. Ben: That's a good one, man. So keeping on this same line of questions: last movie you saw in the theater?? Lee: I do actually know the last movie I saw in the theater is I went to see Joker. Ben: Nice. Lee: And I was thoroughly disappointed in that movie, I didn't like that at all. Ben: Really? You thought it was overdone? Lee: Uh, yeah, it's just, I didn't find it at all... interesting, or compelling or... I dunno. Like I just didn't understand why I was sittin there watchin it. And I love Joaquin Phoenix, I think he does a great job in everything I've seen him in but I didn't find his performance all that interesting, or I didn't find the character of the Joker the way they wrote it all that interesting either. I've heard it compared to like Taxi Driver before but it was basically the same story, this kind of loner, isolated, gets a little obsessed with the wrong things and all of a sudden he's crazy. Ben: Right. Yeah. And that was the last movie you saw in the theater? Lee: Yeah... I think so. And then before that Christopher Robin. Ben: Cool, haha. How was that? Lee: That was a great movie. I'll take Christopher Robin over Joker any day of the week. Ben: Hahaha. Lee: What are you laughin at? Ben: Did you see that with your nephew or with your fiance? Lee: Well she was not my fiance at the time but uh, we had just started dating and we went and saw that and, both enjoyed it. Ben: Nice. Have you been listening to any music? Lee: Mmm, gash. I meaaan... a little bit. We'll throw on some tunes around the house every now and then. Ben: Do you have a speaker system or like a bluetooth speaker err? Lee: Yeah, like a little bluetooth speaker, which is fairly decent, it just kinda fills up the room. And then if I'm workin out I'll put on somethin in the headphones just to supplement the coffee, so I feel like I can take on the world. But it's been a long time since I've consistently listened to music, I'm more into podcasts and stuff these days. Ben: Yea, I think that's like a lot of people. What are your favorite podcasts? Lee: Uumm... geez louise... aahh... my favorite podcast is called Part of the Problem by a guy named Dave Smith. And it's sort of a equal parts I guess political and current events. Ahh... what would you call it. I dunno... discussion, or whatever. Ben: Discourse. Lee: Huh? Ben: Discourse? Lee: Yeah, well it's him, Dave Smith, who actually got his start in and still is a standup comedian, so he's got a really good talent of bein able to sort of dissect political news, current events news and then put a usually pretty funny take on it. And if not he's just an incredibly interesting guy and has a take that I sort of identify with more often than not, so... Ben: Is he our age or older err? Lee: Actually, yeah, he's exactly our age, I believe, he's 36, 37. Your birthday's comin up, what, next week, right? Ben: Uh, yeah, I guess it's kinda been in my mind but, I'll be celebrating by myself. Lee: Are you ready? Ben: Yeah, 37! Seems like a fine age, ya know? Lee: It is a fine age, to be sure. Ben: Yeah, yeah. Just keep on learning little things, little improvements. Lee: Yup, every day. Ben: Soo... podcasts, so yeah, any others besides the Dave Smith one? Lee: Umm... I mean, yeah, I mean I've sort of got my little Rolodex that I'll roll through from time to time, this guy Tom Woods I like listenin to a lot. I've actually been pretty good at eliminating podcasts from my diet, not addin em, just kinda cuttin out the riffraff. Ben: Some podcast pruning? Lee: Yeah, exactly. The Joe Rogans of the world have no place in my heart anymore. Ben: Shh, I was just thinking the other day about isn't it crazy Joe Rogan is like the Walter Cronkite of our generation? Lee: Haha, yeah, I know, but he's such a fucking douche too. Not that Cronkite wasn't a douche but... Ben: It's like, can you picture Walter Cronkite being into jiu-jitsu, I mean, tha'd be pretty great, but... Lee: That would be pretty great. And like slammin DMT and smoking like insane amounts of weed and basically just agreeing with everybody on his podcast, everything they say all the time. Ben: Haha, ahh, him saying JFK was assassinated and then immediately smoking a joint right on TV, that would have been great. Lee: Yup, and then comin up with some conspiracy theories and then backtracking completely within the next 24 hours. Ben: Haha. Well another little random question at the top here is, how do you get your news? Is a lot of it through podcasts or? Lee: Umm, yeah, well what I consider news is not what used to be considered news, like I don't really get day-to-day news because it's all so preposterous and I mean it doesn't affect anybody's life really in any way other than some major stuff, ya know, issues of war and peace and issues like global pandemics, those are gonna affect you much more than, ya know, if you just sort of think back on the last ten to twenty years of what the news cycle consisted of it's just largely preposterous and irrelevant and usually not even true and when it is true it's so quickly spun into a cause or some, you know, political stance, it's like, I'm kind of pruning podcasts and I'm also pruning unnecessary information or opinion out of my life as much as possible and really been enjoying that so, I just gotta find really people I trust and usually not even from a news perspective but if they are discussing something it might pique my interest to look into it a little bit. I'm still stickin with things like theory over day-to-day, you know, I'll prefer to read economics or history or something rather than turnin to the news because I feel like you can learn so much more about patterns and humanity and what not by doin it that way. Ben: Right, right. Your degree is in philosophy, right? Lee: Yes. Ben: Yes, cool. So yeah, the day-to-day politics is pretty much just like watching Real World/Road Rules Challenge, it's just like all drama, people talking shit about each other behind their backs, people tweeting nasty things... Lee: Yeah, but I don't want the takeaway of this to be that the Real World/Road Rules Challenge isn't a fantastic show because it is. Ben: Haha. Lee: Honestly, I think that was a terrible comparison that you just made? I THINK I get where you're comin from but...? Yeah, it's just so dumb, it's not only that it does not seem true or accurate or important at the time but, what?, less than, what, 72 hours usually it's just like, nobody's talking about it anymore, nobody cares, nothing has changed. I just feel like it's a really great way to fill your life with a whole bunch of unnecessary anxiety and anger and animosity towards other people or other groups or whatever it is, it's just like a really awesome way for you to distract yourself from what actually should be at the front of your mind which is what you're doing on a day-to-day basis and the health and well-being of your family and close friends and, sorta how you can contribute to makin the world a little bit better and makin yourself a little healthier and happier and the people you love happier as well. Just don't have any time for it. Ben: Right. You don't have any time for, “Nancy Pelosi ate Mitch McConnell's ice cream out of the fridge” and uh... Lee: Haha, “She drank his milkshake!” No, I don't, I mean every once in a while I'll kinda click somethin, tune back in, just to remind myself how... how... just the word I keep using is how preposterous it all is and how much weight some people put on it and like I said it just becomes such an unnecessary energy suck and soul suck and just, yeah... No need! Ben: Yeah, yup... So what are your go-to apps? What apps on your phone do you find yourself using the most? Lee: That's actually interesting, I sort of am gonna contradict myself but there’s an app I use called Newsvoice which, I liked it a lot better when I started using it, now I feel it's not quite as cool, but it used to just be an app that would compile headlines, you know, local, international, national, whatever, and it would offer, say, for every story it would give you five or six different headlines from different, um, organizations with different political leanings, so you'd get like a HuffPo article and then you'd get a, you know, Wall Street Journal and you'd get the same story covered four or five, six different ways, which is kind of a cool way to avoid unnecessary bias. So that's one I've kinda been hittin up a little. I've really been enjoying everyone's hot takes on the Facebook app with this Coronavirus, just really gettin a sense of (starts laughing) how everybody's reacting. That's really enjoyable. Ben: Yup, yup. So Newsvoice and Facebook? Lee: Yup, I like those. And then you know, I do all my mobile banking and bill paying through apps, so I got apps for those. Ben: Useful... useful. Lee: Yup. What else? Oh, Golf Clash. That's a great one. I play a little Golf Clash when the time is right. Ben: Golf Clash, niiice. If you hit a good ball on that is it like do you feel it in your body still? Lee: Oh, it'll let you know. They'll yell great shot at you or perfect shot and it's like, my entire day has been validated. Ben: Haha, nice. All right, soo... going back to the music question, I know you said you're not listenin to too much music but what was the last concert you saw? Lee: Ooo. Wow... Ahh... Honestlyyy... unless I can remember something else, I think it was the Rancid and Mighty Mighty Bosstones New Year's Eve bash in Los Angeles. Ben: Nice. Where was that? What was the venue? Lee: That was aaat... oh god, if you rattle off a couple of the big ones around there I'll remember it. Ben: Ehhh, I'm blanking on those, there's the Hollywood Bowl of course but it was probably at a smaller club. Lee: No, it wasn't that, it was an indoor venue. Ben: The El Raaayy. Lee: No, it's recongizable but I can't remember what it was. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shrine_Auditorium But that can't be right though because that would have been like... four years ago at least? Ben: Yeah, and when did we go to that Weezer/Panic at the Dis... maybe I shouldn't even mention Panic at the Disco but when did we go to that Weezer show, was that four or five years ago? Lee: You mean when Weezer opened up for Panic at the Disco? Ben: Ohh god, no, no, Panic at the Disco opened up for Weezer. Lee: “STOP SMOKING!” Ben: Hahahah... oh gosh. We didn't really fit in with the Panic at the Disco fans. Lee: No, but was that after? Cuz honestly, man, my timeline is so blurry and like out of sorts that you could literally pick an event within ten years and another one within ten years and I couldn't tell you which came first, with like a four-year margin of error. It's pathetic. Yeah, I don't remember. I honestly don't remember. Ben: Yup, but that Rancid/Bosstones New Year's show was pretty good? Lee: Oh, it was awesome, man. I was like thirty rows or, it wasn't rows cuz everyone was standing up but I was probly about thirty heads deep, so great view of the stage and what I considered close but I was like, well this will be certainly out of the way of any aggressive moshpit that might break out. So I was just kinda sittin there waitin for the show to start, sippin my beer, Rancid comes out, and like the FIRST note they play, which is from “Maxwell Murder” cuz they played ... And Out Come the Wolves from start to finish, first bass note I just get a fucking forearm to the back of my head and my beer goes flying like six rows up. I was like, well this is on! Ben: Haha. Lee: I kind of fought my way out of it but basically just retreated another thirty rows and, enjoyed the rest of the show. Ben: Nice. Got another beer, I hope. Lee: Got another beer or two, although I did have to be, that was when I was doing the PI work so I had to be like downtown at like six in the morning for some surveillance thing, and the show basically didn't start until almost midnight, so I didn't get insanely intoxicated or anything cuz I was trying to be responsible cuz I had to be at work the next day. But it was a blast. Ben: I think the Rancid lead singer... Tim Armstrong? Lee: Yup. Ben: I think he lived in our neck of the woods. I think he lived in Highland Park. Lee: Yeah, he did, I think he lived in Highland Park and that bar that Heather used to work at, she said he used to go there quite a bit and just hang out. Ben: Yup, I love that place. Lee: Eedendale or Ed-endale? Ben: Edendale, yup. Tom Mix, Casey Mix's grandfather's old stopping grounds. Lee: Isn't it crazy how you can remember like these minute little details like that but you ask me like what year something took place and I'm like, I have no idea, I think it was some time in the 90s but I could be wrong about that. Ben: Haha. I think Zack de la Rocha from Rage Against the Machine also lived in Highland Park/Eagle Rock area. Lee: Yep... yep. Although I think he's about to move up because from what I hear, the crazy anarchist/socialists of Rage Against the Machine are reuniting to go on like a CitiBank tour or something (starts laughing). Ahh, that's so fucking depressing. Ben: Haha. They're finally taking the corporate money. Lee: Well everyone's gotta make a living, ya know? Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Ben: Haha. So are you reading any books? Lee: Umm... actually no, I'm not. I've been sort of lookin around for a book around here that I haven't read but I feel like every book I have I've read at least once or twice. I kinda want something new but of course the libraries are shut down. Ben: Right. You want something fiction or nonfiction or? Lee: Yeah, I don't read fiction. I haven't read any fiction since I think R.L. Stine back in the day. Ben: Haha, gotcha. Lee: I just find nonfiction a lot more interesting. So yeah, I’m not reading anything and I'm ashamed to say it, because it's a great time to read. Ben: Yes... indeed... uuumm... so what was the last alcoholic beverage you had? Do you like to have a drink some nights err? Lee: Oh yeah, oh yeah. Typically my go-to has always been whiskey. But I was talkin to a colleague at work and he was sayin that he just really enjoys drinking tequila and I was like well I’ve never really had a taste for tequila and he just started talking about how great it was and then I was like well shit, maybe I should give tequila another try, so last couple nights I’ve had a little bit a tequila, which is... somewhat enjoyable. Still not my thing but... Ben: Yeah. It gives you energy, I think it’s the only... upper? Lee: Yeah, the only upper, stimulant, whatever. That’s what he told me and I was like, well that doesn’t make sense cuz it’s alcohol and alcohol is a depressant all the time, it just depresses your nervous system. So then I looked it up, er, googled it, and it was like a super non-clear, vague answer and it was like, well while it technically is a stimulant it’s also ethanol which is also a depressant. And I’m like, well what the fuck does that mean? But I did notice that when I was drinkin it, we were sittin there playin Yahtzee and I was like fired up. Ben: Right? Lee: I dunno. I dunno if it’s just fired up just cuz of the Yahtzee and I thought it was gonna be lame and I fuckin loved it. But I was super into it and I was kinda shakin my leg a little bit like, yeah, let’s do this, let’s play some more Yahtzee and I was like, is this the Tequila that’s doing that or is this the Yahtzee or am I just like in a really good mood. Ben: I think that’s what tequila does cuz I HATED tequila, never drank it, I remember sitting next to a girl at a party at Saint Mike’s and her breath, she was drinking out of a big bottle of tequila and her whole being just wreaked of cheap tequila. And I think I was like nineteen or twenty at the time so I was like, that is the worst smell I’ve ever smelled, I’m not going anywhere near that. Flash forward to Clapp’s 30th birthday, we went to the Clippers game at Staples Center and then afterwards we were at a bar downtown and someone ordered Patron shots for everyone and I was like, I dunno if I can do this. And then we do the shot and then like twenty minutes later, two or three more shots and people are like dancing on the tables. A little bit different than sippin on scotch, so... Lee: Yeah, well the other pointer that this guy gave me was, you know, most booze you can usually get away with drinking cheaper stuff out of a plastic bottle or somethin, if you wanted to buy some cheaper whiskey out of a plastic bottle you should be fine but he was like, just don’t ever do that with tequila. If you’re gonna do it just make sure it’s somewhat decent stuff and it’s in a glass bottle. I have no way to confirm whether what this guy’s saying is accurate or not. But tequila does seem to be...a bit of an enigma for me, so I might try to get to the bottom of it a little more. Ben: Nice. Let’s seee.... How’s the dog doing? Lee: Dog’s great, man! Dog is absolutely great. He’s settled in beautifully. For the first few months we had him he was a little bit, um... I dunno if neurotic’s the right word but he definitely was a little bit more on the nervous side and it takes a while to build up trust obviously, and we couldn’t take him off the leash, we live backed up against a pretty wide open area of land where we would love to walk him but we really couldn’t take him off the leash and it would suck because it’s such a great place for the dog to run around and we just never knew when he would come back and blah blah blah. Ben: Yep. Lee: And he would not let you like sorta touch his collar, he wouldn’t bite but he would let you know, like a little fake snap or whatever if you touched his collar. He drooled a lot. But right around month 3? He just like totally settled in. And now every day twice a day we just kinda walk around, whether it’s backwoods or on the street, off leash, and he kinda just like trots up ahead, looks back at us, waits for us to catch up. And then if we yell, if we say “Here” he kinda turns around and comes runnin back towards us. If we say “Stay” or “Wait” he just sits there. He sleeps, he’s like the most cuddley dog of all time, you can’t be anywhere near him without him coming up and putting his face on your lap. I think he’s gotten better looking too, to be honest with you. When we first got him I didn’t think he was very cute, but I think he was just carrying a lot of stress in his face. Ben: Right. Lee: And his face sorta always seemed a little bit tight or contorted as if he was unsure. But now he just kinda melts into everything he does. And he’s super cool. And he’s gained fifteen pounds since we got him, which is awesome, because he was really underweight. Ben: Nice. Yeah, was he a rescue? What’s his name, by the way? I’m forgetting his name. Lee: He is a rescue. His name when we got was Chance and we were like, well that name sucks and so we changed it to Bojo. B-O-J-O. Yeah, he was a rescue who apparently spent like the first year or two at some shelter down south in Colorado, this place had like no money, they kept him outside in like a coat year-round, which is rough here in Colorado, it gets cold in the winters. And then he was transferred up to another shelter up here and like no one would adopt him. We dunno why now cuz we look at him and we’re like, we have the perfect dog, we’ve got the best dog of all time. And I know everyone thinks that about their dog but... he really is cool... Ben: He’s a mix? Lee: Yeah, we were actually thinkin about doing one of those dog DNA tests because he’s soo like, he looks... we think he’s a boxer/lab mix, he kinda looks like that. But he also looks like he might have some Mastiff in him, and he’s got some tendencies of some other breeds, so I dunno, it would just be kind of a cool thing to know exactly what he is but... We just tell people boxer/lab. Ben: Yeah. That sounds like a handsome dog. Lee: Yeah, he’s a real handsome fella. Ben: You’ve earned his trust and... nice. Lee: Yeah. And we trust him too now which is super cool, we can just kinda walk around the woods together and just have a good old time. Ben: Nice. Yeah, you’ve always been a dog person. Lee: Yeah, I think they’re great. I just think they’re great. Ben: Haha. So what’s the weather like in Colorado? Lee: Uh, it’s pretty much beautiful. It’s kind of annoying because the winters are SUPER long and like by the end of it you’re just ready for it to be over and you think spring’s comin because it gets like sunny and mid-forties for a couple days. And then you’ll get like three days of snow and everything that melted’ll just come right back. Ben: Yeah. Lee: So that’s kinda where we’re at right now, where you can hear snow melting off roofs but there’s still basically snow covering, you know, ninety percent of the surfaces. But it’s like sunny and 45 or something today, so... yeah. Just kinda hopin it stays that way. I’m ready for spring now, I’m a summertime guy. Ben: Yup. Have you seen any signs of spring, any flowers er...? Lee: No flowers but there’s definitely some wild grasses showing, and the sagebrush you can actually see the tops of it now. It’s not like blooming or anything but it was just buried in snow for the last seven months so it’s kinda cool to see some open patches of grass and some sagebrush and... more birds. Stuff like that, so... definitely some signs. Ben: Nice. Will Bojo munch on any sagebrush or any grass? Lee: He does enjoy a... I mean this is our first real spring with him so we’ve never know him to react to how the snow is melting. He loves snow, he loves jumpin around in it but he does seem to be chewin on more grass now that it’s melting. And he did show up yesterday for the first time with a dead squirrel in his mouth. Ben: Mhm. I’m sure he was probably pretty proud of that. Lee: Oh yeah. And then we were like telling him to drop it and put it away and he was just like lookin at us like, what are you guys doing? Ben: Haha. Yeah, right. I brought you guys dinner! Lee: Yeah. And we were like ah, we’ll just put it in the trash bag that’s full of dog shit and then throw it in the dumpster, and he’s like, whatever. Ben: Haha. Ah, that’s great. Are the people in Colorado much different than they are in MA? Lee: Umm... It’s been a while since I’ve lived in Massachusetts to be honest with you so, like, the sort of the quirks of everybody... I dunno, Colorado’s a very active outdoor community. But up here, like IN the mountains where it’s like ski resort country... there’s just a lot of um... the term “shitbag”’s probly not nice to use but like just a lot of people you can tell their reeeal concern in life is like bein able to shred some fresh gnar. Ben: Haha. Yes. Lee: And other than that you can like pretty much go fuck yourself. And they’ll be nice people and they won’t, you know, go out of their way to hurt anyone but like, you can’t like RELY on them for anything. Ben: Right. They just wanna shred gnar. Lee: Yeah, they just wanna shred some fresh fresh buttercream and like I don’t blame them for that? But at the same time it’s like you need to be able to pull your weight a little bit. Ben: Haha, yup. Lee: So that's one group of people, but then there's another group of people up here that's just like active, engaged, friendly, um, usually a little bit older, maybe people who are early retirees or just retired or whatever who seem like really topnotch people. Ben: Which proves our point that the older you get, maybe the cooler. Maybe the cooler. Lee: Yeah, the cooler, the wiser, I mean that's the way I feel about myself, for sure. Ben: Have you gotten on the mountain at all this year? Lee: Yeah. I mean it sucks now because they had to close... this whole county, I mean just like everywhere else really but this whole county, they had to shut down about a month before the official end of ski season so, we didn't realize the time of our last ski day was gonna be our last ski day, but... We try to get out, like, in my line of work obviously, bein a chef, the holiday season and that winter season up here I'm just getting slammed like nonstop for a couple months while everyone's up here on vacation and doing all their skiing. BUT once all those people go home and February and March rolls around and it really starts to slow down then that's my time where I'm like, cool, I'm gonna ski like at least once, maybe twice a week and just enjoy everything around here and not have to fight crowds cuz, you know, I'm obviously not off on weekends or anything. So late winter/early spring these last two years has been my time to get up there. That got cut short a little bit this season but, got to get out on the mountain on the skis. We do a lot of hiking and we've been snowshoing every day since we've been quarantined, like we just go out on either some hike or some snowshoe, we went sledding with the dog the other day and that was just insanely fun even though it was kinda dangerous. But yeah, there's no shortage of outdoor activities for me right now. Ben: Yeah. That all sounds great. Lee: It is great. Ben: And these are all things you can also do in New Hampshire, are you guys still thinking of moving to New Hampshire? Lee: Yeah, it's definitely, um, we've got a shortlist workin right now in terms of options or where we wanna go from here or what we wanna do and they're all sort of... what's the term?... I dunno... co-related, codependent, whatever, like one factor's obviously dependent on several others. But New Hampshire's definitely up towards the top of the list. So I was excited, she was excited. And then we had a couple other options sort of present themselves to us so we're kinda weighin those out now and, uh, we'll figure it out. Ben: Yup... Options like... out west or.. back east? Lee: Um... Just options, Ben, you know what I mean? I don't feel like I need to get into any more than that. Ben: Haha, all right, I don't wanna get into your business too much, okay. Lee: Haha, no, you'll be the first to know once we decide though. Ben: Good, good. And also I didn't want to get into politics too much because it can just be a drag like we both agree but... Lee: Sure. Ben: ... and this is kind of a tricky question in the post-#MeToo movement and now that you're engaged but, carrying it over from our last interview, do you still want to boink Hillary Clinton. Lee: (trying to suppress laughing) Ahh god, I have no recollection... Ben: Haha, just purely hypothetically! Purely hypothetically! Lee: I have no recollection of that conversation ever happening. Ben: Hahah. I mean it's on my Tumblr but... Lee: Oh yeah, well... I don't even know how to get on a Tumblr so... Ben: Haha. Lee: No, I don't actively want to, uumm... If the situation presented itself, like if I was a single man... yeah, it's obviously something you'd have to consider but... yeah, maybe the desire has lessened as compared to what it was the last time we did this. Ben: Still a lot of power in play there. Lee: Yeah, for sure, I mean that's... Ben: Part of the appeal? Lee: I could be theoretically a couple heartbeats away from the White House like if things worked out between Hill Dawg and I, which I would make sure everything was kosher on my end but... Yeah, that's funny that you mentioned politics and I thought about our last conversation and all that was goin on and all that we talked about and the question you had is do you still wanna blank Hillary Clinton. Topnotch journalism. Ben: Haha. I mean I spent hours honing these questions. Uumm, yeah, again I don't wanna ask annyy.... we're pretty much at the end here because I do have to transcribe all of this which will take me like thirty hours... but I enjoy it, just savoring, retyping every word that you've spoken but ahh... obviously having in mind what's going on in the world right now -- where do we go from here? Lee: Ahhh, gosh. That's a big question. Ben: Just... more tequila and Yahtzee err? Lee: I mean, you say that I think tongue in cheek but... Ben: Not really!... not really. Lee: Yeah, no, I mean my whole mentality from the day it sort of became clear that this was gonna be a serious thing was, um, it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me to put my energy anywhere I want and to focus it anywhere I want, and the way I've chosen to do that is like I've said focus on my family and the people around me who I care about and care about meee... you know, get out in nature every day, get exercise every day, try and learn something, we've been doin a ton of cooking at home, pickling pretty much every vegetable in sight... Ben: Nice, that's exciting. Lee: ... Yeah, and just gettin back to the good life and I feel like there's a lot of people who are embracing similar approaches. And then there are also the people whooo, ya know, take ahh... one of the first headlines I saw was like, “Pornhub offers free premium membership for everybody,” and it's like okay, you can spend the next two months just furiously whackin it with your pants around your ankles. You're not gonna come out of that in a good place and you are gonna be terrified the whole time and you're gonna come out in some fucking self-induced stupor and like you're not gonna know what to do or where to turn. So I feel like there's already sort of two mentalities developing and there's two approaches we can take and, I dunno what we're gonna do as a nation, because that's just insane, that many people all tryna choose a path, but at the same time when I said like I'm tryna cut off useless information and stupid politics, what it boils down to is people's individual decisions they make and paths they choose to take. I dunno where we go, but I know where I'm goin so... that's what I'm focused on. Ben: So... Pornhub in moderation? Lee: I would say no Pornhub, if you want my advice, I would say stop whacking yourself silly altogether and choose somethin else to do, find another focus. Ben: Haha. Okay, cool. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about or...? Lee: Uh, I want to let you know that I love you. Ben: Thanks! Lee: And I hope you're doin well. And I hope everyone else back home is doin well. And I've been meaning to send you something, and I finally figured out how I'm gonna do it. The vessel was sort of always the issue, I think I've got that solved. So keep an eye out for something in the mail. Ben: Ooo, a package from Lee. No offense to you but I will be sure to fully sanitize it upon receiving it. Lee: Haha, yeah, for sure. Sanitize everything. Ben: I talked to Shaun right before doing this and I asked him if he had any questions to ask you and he said, "Ask him where the fuck he has been and why we never hear from him." Lee: Haha. Ben: I assume it's cuz, you know you were saying, well, usually you're working and now you're able to enjoy yourself but life for a chef is just like, you're not even able to think, it's just like french fries, french fries, french fries! Right? Lee: Yeah, it's pretty much all about french fries all the time. Ben: Haha. Sometimes sweet potato fries. Lee: But I dunno, I could put that back at Shaun, like when was the last time... I mean... I dunno... look, man... I'm not tryna... Ben: Haha. Lee: Ohh, I miss you guys, I miss Shaun especially. I'll do my part to make sure that we reconnect sometime soon. Ben: Cool. I think that's the perfect... perfect way to end it.

#lee

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pafsins2 · 7 years

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Everything RIGHT with Across the 2nd Dimension

I said I’d do a few win posts on here sometimes even though I am moving on. Well, it’s now the 6th Anniversary of the movie so why not win that? Yep, we’re winning a movie. Now I’m Cinema Wins!

Hopefully this time the formatting won’t suck. So let’s go!

1.This is a nice use In Media Rise that does a good job of making us wonder what the heck is doing on.

2.Goozim!

3.”In Fablous 2D” Nice!

4.This opening is excellent. For one, the song itself is highly enjoyable with style.

5.But mostly, the visuals do a good job of showing their connection with Perry to set up the story and we even have a minor invention for newcomers.

6.So that’s how Phineas puts his shirt on!

7.Ferb singing ftw!

8.Nice flashback showing how they got Perry.

9.Funny fake out with Barthemlow.

10.Jeremy’s College Crazy Dad.

11.Now we set up Candace’s plot with her wanting to grow up. We’ll get more it as we go on.

12.Platypus Badminton looks fine.

13.”Who’s Annetee” Heh.

14.More good set up with Phineas lamenting that Perry vanishes everyday.

15.Love the flashback with the return of Carl as a Sassy Black woman.

16.The set up here is a bit more on the nice but it’s good regardless.

17.Monogram getting mesmerized by own Hologram is funny.

18.Smart idea for Candace to try to bust them herself.

19.Norm is always a win.

20.While Mysterious Force was cut, I’m winning it anyway because it’s that good.

21.”Ferb, looks we’re gonna hit that building that looks vaguely like your head” Nice.

22.And the boys have meet Doofenshmirtz This is beyond amazing.

23.Great small bit with Doof not knowing what his friends call him.

24.This gag with Monogram is funny even if it makes no sense.

25.Wow, a funny piss joke!

26.Nice Couch Gag. …Now that kind of Couch Gag.

27.Love the look of Doofville as I will call it.

28.The ditty by the gnomes is funny.

29.I always love Doof songs and this is up there. We get 2 Doof’s for the price of one!

30.I won’t win every joke here but I love “Vending machines become the dominant race”

31.Love the visual references.

32.Love the music pausing too.

33.And I also love the Llamas joke.

34.And I REALLY love Coming at you Fridays!

35.The very concept of Platyborg is disturbing and awesome.

36.Love Phineas getting mad at Platyborg here.

37.And here’s the moment where Perry reveals he’s a secret agent, and in badass way I might add.

38.While his anger does get overblown at parts, it’s totally understandable.

39.I DON’T WANT YOUR PAMPLET

40.Love the Normbots

41.”Jinx, you owe me a soda” That reminds me of Kim Possible and that’s a good thing. (Heck, they did in their own DCOM)

42.”Get me, I’m a George o Keef painting” I don’t even get this joke but I love.

43.I wanna know about Ferb’s double life.

44.As angry as he is,. I like that he’s smart enough to set it aside for now to focus on their goal of getting home.

45.”Alright Mr Eviler than Thou” Nice

46.Love the cutaway gag here

47.I know I say “I love” a lot but I LOVE Doof 2’s hilariously simple backstory.

48.VICTORY GUM

49.Existential trading cards is the best joke in the whole movie

50.Like some of the little details like how Lawrence gets on the thingy and of course, Doofoply.

51.D’aww at Phineas-2 hugging Perry and being worried about their Perry

52.And we come to the most popular song, which is pretty damn good. Upbeat and really nice.

53.Love the theme song reference

54.This part seems to divide people and while it’s not perfectly done, it is a good dilema with Perry having to turn himself in which Phineas thinks is him ditching them

55.And of course the sad Olivia Olson song helps make it better.

56.”Well you can but it’d just be platyp” Nice.

57.Buford 2’s gimmick is funny.

58.And the situation gets more interesting with Doof-2 needing the boys.

59.You gotta love Isabella-2.

60.I like Baljeet-2 and how jerk-y smart he is without Phineas there to be smarter than him.

62.BEST SONG EVER

63.I dig the Parsnips Callback.

64.And I really really LOVE Candace-2. So much.

65.Even if they think Perry has problems, they still seem as family and want to rescue him.

66.They even give up a chance to go home to do so!

67.”Why is Isabella suddenly fashionable” OH SNAP

68.This scene with Candace and Candace 2 is my favorite. We great insight into both characters with How Candace-2 had to grow up too fast.thanks to Doof-2’s reign. It feeds into her arc really really well.

69.”You make growing up sound like it’s a bad thing” “It is what it is” true.

70.The whole trap thing is cliche but hey, it works here.

71.Nice way to include the Monogram showering thing.

72.Awesome action scene is awesome

73.Bufdace ftw

74.Candace-2 doing this might have been …bad, but I get why she does it and it’s good set up for an awesome moment later.

75.Stacy doing this to save Candace is really nice.

76.Defiant Phineas is the best

77.Love the puppet

78.Doof being by a puppet is amazing.

79.And now we return to the opening with a great lampshade.

80.More great action

81.”It’s muffin time sir” “You’re broken!”

82.Candace-2 saves the day in a super badass way!

83.Everything about this scene is tense and enjoyable and cutting off the Goozm with the portal is just awesome.

84.And we get my favorite song in the film proper. It’s really catchy the visuals are full of great moments.

85.Especially love the Zebra and the floating baby head world

86.I find it interesting how robots set off the citizens of Danville. We also get good gags in this bit.

87.MY WATERMELON

88.I like the gag with Doof’s neighbor person.

89.Awesome Jeremy moment is awesome.

90.And cute moment is cute.

91.And of course, it’s awesome how Phineas and Ferb-2 help her and their arc gets resolved.

92.BUFORD -2 GOT HIS NACHO’S, YES!

93.Small nice moment with Stacy

94.Now here’s a great pay off, with it turning out Perry had a plan this whole time, and how he re-created their big ideas.

95.This part of the inventions being shown off is great.

96.Even the other agents get a moment to shine.

97.Phineas to the rescue!

Hey big idea show off from before? Eat THIS! (+5)

103.This song sequence is FANTASTIC. Besides an awesome song on it’s own-

104.But The fighting is awesome with tons of great moments and jokes

105.AND it has a good place in the plot with the inventions being there because of Perry,. This is a great pay off to everything the film was leading up to!

106.“Your sister is a fridge but you know her light is always on” Oh my.

107.The extended version gets a win FOR RIP OUT YOUR CUP AND SHOW IT TO YA STILL PROCESSIN’

108.Hey,a piss joke that was important for later!

109.This battle with Platyborg is cool

110.”The girl is about to forgive the guy for the cliche misunderstanding” Okay, 2nd best joke.

111.I’ve failed to mention how awesome Doof-2 is. He is, moving on.

112.Awesome platyborg defeat

113.Awesome Doof-2 defeat (for the moment)

114.Awesome Irving Moment! (Bet you thought no one would ever say that)

115.I love how Candace uses the powers of the mysterious force to her advantage here.

116.I also like the anti climax of the train just fixing all this.

117.”Self Destruct button!” “Oh you”

118.Awesome Monogram-2 moment.

119.Cute payoff with Candace-2 here.

120.”I’ll give myself a little more time to be young. It’s not such a bad place to be” Nice.

121.Platyborg is back to normal!

122.And now Phineas finally gets why Perry had to hide his secret. This is a nice moment.

123.”We’ve had a lot of great days, but we only have one Perry” That sums it all up. D’aww

124.I’m with Monogram on “sweating through my eyes” at this. It more than makes up for some small flaws this plot has.

125.Okay, this Phinebella kiss is kinda great on how they on purpose threw this on knowing Phineas would just forget about it anyway. It’s a great troll moment.

126.Also Buford’s face is just amazing.

They easily could have ended it here. But instead we have this, where Perry saves his memories of the day, showing that while some may have forgotten, it still did happen. Thus making up for the whole Staus oqu thing. Awesome (+2)

129.This song is quick and fun.

130.And for the TV/Netflix version, we have freaking SLASH for an amazing credits song!

131.Love how Doof-2 knows rhymes for Evil.

132. And one final win for how good the movie is in general.

MOVIE WIN TALLY: 132

REWARD: Nacho’s

I don’t know how this compares to other win posts but it’s gotta be up there. But yeah, this was plenty of fun. There’s one other win posts I wanna do this month but you’ll have to wait to see what it is.

Until then, bye.

#wins #Phineas and Ferb #Cinema Sins

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wbwest · 7 years

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New Post has been published on WilliamBruceWest.com

New Post has been published on http://www.williambrucewest.com/2017/07/14/west-week-ever-pop-culture-review-71417/

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 7/14/17

So, I saw Spider-Man: Homecoming. Unlike most of you, I didn’t love it. I really liked it, but didn’t love it. Part of the issue stems from the legacy of Spider-Man films. I kinda hate how every star has delivered a great performance as Spider-Man, yet the minute the roll is recast, fans with short memories start saying the last guy was “shit”. People love ragging on Tobey Maguire, especially after Spider-Man 3, but he was really good in those first two movies. There’s a Spider-Man for every generation, and he was the Spider-Man we needed in 2002. Sure, he wouldn’t work so well now, but to compare his movies to Homecoming is basically apples to oranges. I also kinda hate when people say “They finally got Spider-Man right!” Um, Tobey already got him right. Andrew Garfield, in his own way, got him right. And Holland is getting him right. For now. They’ve all brought something special and unique to the table, and I think it’s unfair to discount that because there’s some new, shiny thing to take your attention.

All that’s to say that I liked Homecoming, but it didn’t really offer anything new to me. I felt the same wide-eyed wonder seeing Holland do the ferry rescue as I did when Maguire did the same thing with the train in Spider-Man 2. Some might call that an homage, but it just felt…familiar.

What did I love? I loved Tony being there. I felt like there was just enough Tony Stark without the film becoming Iron Man 3.5. It’s always good to see Happy, and this movie did more with him than most of the Iron Man films ever did. I especially love movie Happy since comic Happy is no longer with us (sad trombone). I loved sexy, younger Aunt May, but I’ve loved Marisa Tomei ever since she filled out her college application wrong and ended up at that Black college. I loved the running joke of all the guys commenting on how hot she was. It’s a new concept for May, but it works. I loved the Miles Morales Easter egg (I won’t spoil it here if you didn’t catch it). I loved Not-Ganke (For those not in the know, Ganke is the name of Miles Morales Spider-Man’s best friend, who looks EXACTLY like actor Jacob Batalon), even if I don’t know why they insisted on calling him “Ned Leeds”. I loved that Damage Control was officially revealed. Keaton was great, even if he’s not an Adrian Toomes that I recognize. The Liz Allen swerve was cool, ’cause I really didn’t see that coming.

OK, now for the things I didn’t like. They introduced a good swath of Spidey’s rogue (Mac Gargan, Shocker), all at once as Vulture’s gang, only to be relegated to ancillary characters and henchmen. I know the MCU has a “Villain Problem” of wasting their villains, but this just takes the cake.

Now, this is gonna sound stupid, but I spent a good amount of time trying to reconcile the MCU timeline in my head. The movie starts immediately after Avengers, jumps 8 years to Captain America: Civil War, and then to the present day, which is shortly after the airport battle where Spidey debuted. Now, a big part of Act 3 is the fact that Vulture wants to steal a bunch of Avengers/Stark Tech on Moving Day – when everything was being moved from Avengers Tower to the upstate facility. Now, Tony’s rich, so it’s not like he can’t own multiple properties, but why is Moving Day happening NOW? I mean, the upstate facility debuted at the end of Age of Ultron, we saw it again in Ant-Man, and everyone seemed to be pretty moved in by Civil War. So, why the delay in moving everything up there? Does Homecoming maybe not take place when we think it does? Well, we know it’s post-Civil War because Cap’s hilariously referred to as a war criminal by gym teacher Hannibal Buress. If it were just a thrown away reference, I wouldn’t care, but the whole final action piece is based on this Moving Day concept. Anyway, I think it’s fair to say I probably wasn’t in the right headspace for this movie if that’s where my brain was going.

Oh, and the thing I hated most: that effing MJ reveal! First of all, it accomplished nothing. It was corny, and it was executed just as poorly as when The Dark Knight Rises did it. Secondly, at the end of the day, her name is MICHELLE, not MARY. You can call her “MJ”, but that does not make her Mary Jane. And to be honest, the movie would’ve been fine without her character. While she was funny, it seems like she was woven into the movie solely to make that hamfisted name reveal at the end.

Anyway, I’m sure I’ll watch this movie a bunch more once it hits the premium channels, but I just didn’t fall in love with it as much as a lot of you did. I’m really sorry about that, too, ’cause I really wanted to love it. Something just didn’t work for me entirely, and I can’t put my finger on it exactly.

Things were heating up in the news world this week. Back when NBC announced they had hired Megyn Kelly from Fox News, Today co-anchor Tamron Hall abruptly quit, reportedly because her contract was about to expire. Industry insiders, however, believe it was because it was rumored that Kelly would be given the third hour of Today – where Hall was currently the co-anchor of Today’s Take. Well, that’s somewhat true, as this week it was revealed that Kelly’s show will premiere September 25th, and will feature a live studio audience, like a traditional talk show. It will, in fact, occupy the third hour of Today, sandwiched between the regular Today and the Kathie Lee & Hoda hour of Today. Not to be outdone, it was also announced that Tamron Hall is developing a daytime talk show with Weinstein Television. It’s also believed that, in several major markets, this talk show will go head to head with Kelly’s daytime show. Now the race is on to see which one of them earns the coveted “Fake News” label first!

In other television news, CBS announced an upcoming animated special called Michael Jackson’s Halloween, which sounds kinda sketchy. Apparently, it’s about two Millennials (there’s THAT buzzword), which is basically to say “two shits too young to appreciate the King of Pop’s music”. Anyway, they meet at a party, end up at a weird hotel, and crazy stuff happens – all capped off by a dance number by an animated Michael. If you ask me, he already contributed his greatest gift to the Halloween industry: “Thriller”! Unless this is just a one-hour animated version of “Thriller”, I don’t think the world needs this. Somebody tell his mama to stop letting his estate make crap like this.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

John Cho joins Fox’s The Exorcist next season. While some are all, “Yay, representation!”, I’m like “Why the F is Sulu doing television?!” Well, I guess since Kumar’s already doing television…

In a move that’s somewhat baffling to me, Lucy Liu will direct the season 2 premiere of Netflix’s Luke Cage

Speaking of Netflix, Bojack Horseman season 4 will premiere on September 8th.

Fresh of the Boat dad Randall Park has been cast as S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Jimmy Woo in Ant-Man & The Wasp

Netflix has also renewed the Castlevania animated series for a second season

Jeremy Renner essentially broke both arms while filming the movie Tag, though it’s not expected to affect production on Avengers: Infinity War.

Smallville‘s Lois Lane, Erica Durance, is taking over the role of Alura from Laura Benanti on Supergirl.

Despite flopping in North America, the Baywatch film is on track to make $100 million overseas

Showtime is planning a sequel to the hit lesbian series The L Word. If it were up to me, it’d be called The K Word, and it would be about non-binary gender Millennials as they make their way through NYC, but nobody pays me for these ideas, so…

After 27 years of voicing Kermit the Frog, it was revealed that Steve Whitmire was fired back in October, and it currently lobbying to get his job back. Apparently, it’s not east being Steve.

In probably the biggest TV news this week (at least for the geek set), it was announced that AT&T Lily herself, Milana Vayntrub, has been cast as Squirrel Girl in Marvel’s New Warriors on Freeform. I cared NOTHING about this show until that announcement. It still doesn’t really inspire any confidence for me, as I don’t know if the superhero comedy genre works on television (see Powerless), but I’m definitely more inclined to check it out than I had been prior to the announcement. I mean, who doesn’t love that chick?! I love her in the commercials, I loved her in Other Space, and I even loved her as a bitchy ex-girlfriend in Love. Here’s hoping this leads to the big break she deserves. It was a slow entertainment news week so, ya know what, Milana Vayntrub had the Breas…I mean West Week Ever.

#Batman #DC #Marvel #Movies #Music #Politics #Pop #Race #Star Trek #Television #West Week Ever

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