#but at least i can go on her insta and get free thinspo

[ineedgreentea]

April 25th, 2019 8:43 am

(Skip to Last paragraph for thinspo lol)

So I've decided. Like literally I'm not enjoying my life. Everyone in it seems fake, even people I've known for years, even my own family. Like no one cares. Like the more I'm with people the more I want to do this.

THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE NOTE btw

But basically I'm leaving. I'm going to save up a bunch of money. And I'm just going to disappear. The great thing about this I'm losing weight, and by the time I get to my goal weight I wont be recognizable. I've always been a big girl. I avoid pictures and videos of my whole body for this purpose. I'm going to move into a room for rent to the place I want to be. I'm trying to save up at least 7,000. My car is in my moms name so I cant take it. All the clothes I have are gonna be too big so it won't matter if I take them. I'll make sure that I get a job down there the week I move there so I can start right away. I have to do it a day or weekend I know my parents wont be here so I can take my new clothes. Or I'll just leave at night. I'm not telling anyone because I dont owe anyone anything. I'm going to delete my Facebook's and insta so no one can contact me. I told my older brother who doesnt live with us that I thought about it but it's not official. This was three weeks ago so he probably thinks I got over it. Though I did tell him that if I do disappear that I'll contact him in 5 months with an "I'm okay" on a fake texting app, so he wont be able to contact me. I'm not giving all the information I'm doing because I Do Not recommend doing this. I turn 20 this year, please 13-17 year olds do not try to do this.

Before anyone says anything. I've thought about this for a long time. Being here makes me so depressed. The way people talk and use me. I'm too nice. People walk all over me, friends, family, it's too easy. I grew up in the church so a lot of Christian people here know me. It frustrating. I have probably one best friend I call my sister, and my family. That's it. No one actually cares. And my family... ugh. My brother told me ever since I was little I was fat, ugly and no one would ever love me. Until he moved out. We always got in huge fights. My mom, shes a manipulator. She'll do anything to get her way, even if it means hurting you in the process. Im mentally I'll because of them. My dad is fine, I was his princess but lately... I cant even talk about it without crying. He didn't hurt me! Well physically. My oldest brother is okay but I probably see him once every few weeks... living here makes me depressed. The thought of leaving forever is so breathtakingly amazing I get excited just thinking about it.

Yes I feel bad that my family wont know where I am or if I'm really okay, but it doesnt matter. This about MY happiness. Not theirs.

Fyi I just wanted to say that yes I'm 19, I might not know anything "about life" you'll probably say, but you dont know what I've been through. Literally nothing you say can convince me of not doing this

Isn't it exciting to think about just going to a new place, with a new body, where no one knows you? Where you can finally be free? I'll be able to wear what I want with confidence without worrying about people who used to know you saying "how did they do that? They're probably anorexic now." They wont know! They think you're naturally skinny. Because they dont know you. You'll have a new life with new people. I'm so excited.

Wish me luck

#me #not pro #proana #promia #pro ana #pro mia #anamia #anorexic #not pro for anyone but myself #not pro just using tags #thinspo #ana #anarexya #just using tags #anarexia #bulimiia #bulimix