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#but also unfortunate timing for you to first discover me bc I am dipping from the twilight blogsphere
notquitetwilight · 3 years
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Hi!! I just came across your blog and I love it! ❤️ I haven’t thought about Twilight in ages! #iwasteamjacob 😂😂😂
#so was meg thee stallion so I think you were correct
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kiefbowl · 3 years
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this is random but how long have you been using this account? i remember you as some of the first people i followed when i discovered radical feminism
I had to look up my archive to remember but it looks like I started this blog in June of 2016, as long as I didn’t delete all post prior to June for some reason (I don’t really delete posts, it’s too much work lol. try not to go fishing for anything embarrassing I beg everyone). I would have been aawb then. Plus that timeline feels right, because I had to remake bc around that time ish tumblr out of nowhere reset everyone’s passwords and my email address was tied to a college email I didn’t have access too and there was no recovery. so I had a side blog for about a year or two as radfemeudaimonia, then tumblr reset people’s passwords, and I could only access that blog and my other blogs at the time via the app because that never logged me out. I did that for like 2-3 months, and then gave up and just abandoned those and remade a new account as aawb. Before making radfemuedaimonia, I had been on tumblr on my main account for like who even knows how long, but years. So I’ve been around on tumblr a long time. I changed my url from aawb to kiefbowl probably around nov/dec of 2017, which is weird to realize that because I thought I was aawb for a really long time, but I guess not and I’ve been kiefbowl for longer now. anyway, that’s my rambling history on tumblr, which is not really what you asked for, but I’m glad you asked because I had to look up and take stock of my history which is good to do from time to time and gd I’ve been here a long time lol. 
If you’ve been here a long time with me, you’ve probably notice I’ve changed how I use tumblr a lot. Tumblr used to be so so so important to me in expressing my ideas and finding theory on feminism and connecting with other women. I was also younger, under employed, struggling, angry as fuck, and super depressed. I would spend a lot more time trying to get well written “discourse” posts out there and answered a lot more asks. I def think my edge has dulled a bit, for better and for worse. I’ve come to terms with the ways tumblr has also been very unproductive and unhealthy for me as well, and I’m just older. The need for validation was something I was blind to at 25, I realize how important that was for me in hindsight, and now it’s not that important to me. I know what I believe, I know how I act, I know what’s incongruent, I don’t really need strangers weighing in, even if I like them. I feel I know a lot of mutuals, but I also have come to terms we don’t really know each other. There are a lot of people on radblr (whatever that means) I admire for their posts or attitude or jokes, but I know we might not actually get along if we met in real life. Lately, I’m more focused on my immediate community. I’m trying to put a lot of energy into my irl relationships (including the men I know!) because I think that’s more worthwhile of my time and you have to put what you read into practice at some point. You have to see what the consequences of your words in real time, it’s at times surprising and humbling, which makes it worthwhile. 
I have met a few people from tumblr in real life. some of it has worked out, some of it hasn’t. some of it not working is my fault, bc I had a lot of dips in depression over the past few years. I think about reaching out to them and making it better all the time, and I think I will once covid is done. I met up with someone once and I got creepy anons I ignored who knew about it at some point and then she published a couple anons that creeped me out too (I don’t know if she realizes it) and unfortunately that was one of the reasons I put some distance between us, not that I was conscious of it really but I see it now in hindsight, and became reeeeeaaaally conscious of what I said and posted here and who I met up with, which since has been one other person and no one else. These were people going “I’m so excited to hear you met up with x” and she got an anon she published that said “I think you and aawb should start dating” and I was like “okay there be freaks on tumblr” and since then I just really put a lot of distance between me and the non mutuals here. It’s very clear between me and other mutuals who are “big” (whatever that means tbh) that I’ve talked to it about that there are unwell people on tumblr who project a whole lot of shit onto you even if they admire you. Psychologically, that can wear on you more than dumbass misogynists who argue with you, because they’re just flash in the pan and to them you’re faceless, you’re anybody, you don’t matter. But people who are sycophantic think they know you (not suggesting you are anon, your ask seems completely reasonable. I ignore shit like that now, I’ve stop publishing those anons) and they say weird stuff that is like...dumb. like “you’re the smartest person in the world” or whatever and it’s like, obviously that is not true and it’s not actually appreciated. I’m just regular, we’re all regular people on here.
I’ll be real, I think about archiving this blog by keeping my posts I like and am proud of and deleting everything else, and not deactivating but bouncing. At one point or another, tumblr is going to phase out of my life. It’s probably going to happen sooner than later, I just feel old at this point and sometimes I find it a little embarrassing idk. 
I’m glad you’ve enjoyed my blog and I’ve helped you in whatever ways I have to help you find feminism. I hope you keep at it and remember to talk to as many women as possible as much as you can! :)
It was fun decompressing my history with this anon, it’s actually helped me a little gain some perspective, so thank you anon, even if that wasn’t your intention lol. I do what I want lmao.
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reineyday · 3 years
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botw vent post lmaoooo
i just spent the last THREE TO FOUR HOURS trying to get off FUCKING EVENTIDE ISLAND bc im a dumbass that just started a replay and i dont have any of the divine beasts yet and like six hearts but i was like "lmao why not im here"
ive never actually seen the island cuz in my first run through i game overed right away and dipped and actually just never finished the shrine so i was finding the ball keys without finding the altar things, yknow, like a DUMBASS and i find all three keys but only two altar things
i grab the two keys from the monster lairs cuz i dont really wanna bother the hinox until i absolutely have to, and i place the monster keys in the water altar and the altar up the hill by the one monster lair
so where's the third altar???? i need to find it before i try to steal from a hinox. i run all around the island and discover it's RIGHT BY WHERE I STOLE ONE OF THE KEYS.
all right cool whatever, at least i know where it is now right? EXCEPT. the altar is on a GODDAMN PLATEAU and i can only get back there by CLIMBING which means i cant bring a whole goddamn ball key whatever up there with me.
i decide to focus on tbis later and thieve the hinox without waking it up. okay cool, mission accomplished, but now: how to get the ball back up on the plateau??? i try for a while using stasis but i dont get a good enough angle and kill my woodcutter axe trying to get the ball somewhere. i try to find a path up to the plateau that is flat enough to take the key up without climbing and drop it so many times i yell unintelligibly at my switch. the ball key also rolls down the path and uncomfortably close to the sleeping hinox SEVERAL TIMES and i am not amused. i am, in fact, much closer to frustrated tears.
i look up walkthroughs and one guy uses mipha's grace and a well-timed bomb but as i mentioned, i dont have any of the divine beast perks yet bc i just started the game. most people say: respawn the keys. problem with that is that the key i currently have would spawn on the hinox again and i mixed the other two up getting them to the two other altar locations. respawning them both would be as good as restarting the whole thing and i dont wanna GIVE UP when im basically there!
after getting frustrated some more i decide my best bet is the stasis and bomb and i just need to find a better angle. i try several different spots several different times and then i go back up to the hill with the one altar and the monster lair, set two metal boxes and a bomb before using stasis on the key.
it goes far enough to be promising, actually, but my angle was off and the key ends up in the water by the stupid fucking plateau. i go to fetch it but it's unfortunately by a wall of rock too tall for me to toss it back onto land from a cryonis tower. i keep trying to shepherd the key back to the shore but it keeps rolling off the goddamn cryonis towers and back into the water and floating farther from shore.
in a fit of frustration, i decide to use stasis and a bomb on top of a cryonis tower just to launch the stupid key back onto land or at LEAST close enough to shore that it wont get caught between stupidly tall rock walls and cryonis towers.
i am too frustrated to remember to properly switch special ability apps.
so after more than three hours of nearly dying from random fucking octoroks, those stypid lightning chuchus that explode when you kill them, getting burned by fire chuchus, having to kill camps of monsters not once but TWICE bc i was there so long a BLOOD MOON HAPPENED, avoiding the moblin and hinox bc i am a noob with six hearts and nothing in my pockets but wooden weapons, simmered fruit and will power--after more than three hours of trying to get a STUPID BALL-SHAPED KEY TO EXPLODE IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION--
i press L to use stasis on the stupid key but forget to switch from bomb+ to stasis, thus exploding MYSELF into a game over 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
it wasnt even the monsters! it was me!!!! i spent so long on this stupid island trying to do it in one go so i'd never have to go back, i intentionally chose not to restart the whole island--thus respawning all the keys in the right places--for the specific reason that i was almost finished and it must mean SOMETHING that i survived all those monsters, and in the end it was me. i did it to myself.
and now in the game the last 3+ hours of work i spent on the goddamn island just. didnt happen.
and all i learned aside from what NOT to do on fucking eventide sland was that cooked hearty ingredients by themselves are still pretty useful.
but. why. why did u make that plateau inaccessible by walking, game developers? why. why did u hide the altar underneath a stupid door so i didnt immediately see it? why did i think it was a good idea to round up all the keys before finding all the altars?
it is 2:47 am. just. w h y.
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jess-oh · 6 years
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Reflection
I’ve been so busy.
but before i forget, i think it’s really interesting how quickly i am able to adapt to the new culture. I just got back from an ASO meeting and it was really nice to see everyone and they all exclaimed, “Jessica!” happy to see me and it was honestly such a great feeling. And we ate brownies, played games, and overall, it was really fun! But we did briefly discuss religion when someone commented on In-n-Out’s John 3:16 verse, I wasn’t quick to jump and say that I’m actually super religious and want to live out 1 Peter 3:14-17. I did think about it but I was afraid that the conversation would abruptly end and then it would just be awkward and I didn’t want to ruin what we had going. But it was really fun and I’m glad that I got let out of class so early today and was able to share that time with them. I’m actually so surprised because I’ve been nonstop busy for the past couple days but now I actually feel like I have time to rest and work on my portfolio. I have a quiz for Oceanography tomorrow and I need to work on my branding for Self Management and Freelancing but I’m fairly confident that I can finish both before midnight tonight. And that’s so weird. I’m not sure when the last time I posted was so let me backtrack. Oh wait, I do remember. It was Sunday. Okay, so I only missed one day. I was up until around 4 or 5am Sunday night just working so hard on my graphic design pictographs and my critique actually went really well. Jilly did target me for a moment but I quickly regaine my composure and went forward with what I had. And while she did give me some advice, I’m starting to discover who she is and what her teaching style is like. She really is extremely specific and if you don’t have it like how she wants it, then you’re screwed. I’m most worried for Andrew bc he’s so unorthodox but she seemed like his things so far. But I do appreciate her critique and I am excited to move forward with it. Step 1 included having all the categories and titles figured out plus drawing. Now that it’s just drawing, I feel a lot better about it and I am hoping to work on it before Sunday since I know I’m going to be crazy busy Friday and Saturday. 
Oh, I was also late to work this morning and yesterday morning :’( But the techs were pretty considerate about it. They’re probably taking pity on me bc they know about the funeral and I’m doing my best not to bring it up because I don’t want to play the pity card. I don’t want to be pitied. It’s so cheap. I felt pity from others on Sunday and I know that they’re just trying to be there for me but it feels so routine and informal. And I know I have a past of bragging about my own hardships but I really want to strive to avoid that. I want to really genuinely care about others now and only bring up my side of the story when necessary. I do want to become a better person. I do. I definitely slipped today and yesterday just bc I was so tired but I do really want to live out my life for Christ.
Quick thing that bothered me but I’m growing to realize how much I dislike gossip. I waited for Sara after class yesterday and once she got her stuff together, she just started going off on Jilly. And I did expect some complaining but she was just going ham bc she was so angry and frustrated and it was interesting bc that sounded like a high schooler to me. I’m honestly just so blessed that I have the opportunity to go here and I’m just thankful for that. And of course, it won’t always be a smooth ride but I want to make the most of my time here, yknow? But Sarah. a 29 year old who chose to back to school, was just so upset at her and I was kind of taken aback. I tried to join in but it honestly just felt awkward and out of place. And Jilly walked by a few times and I’m pretty sure she overheard us. And once we were going to go down, we ran into our old graphic design teacher, Sarah Faust, and Sara immediately dipped and opted for the stairs instead. I just kind of assumed that she went down all the way by herself but we met up on the elevator on the 4th floor. I was pretty surprised. But we were just chill about it and then part ways once we hit outside.
Then, I grabbed a meal from Subway and ate that for dinner because I hadn’t eaten all day and tried my best to scarf that down as fast as I could because Emily and I needed to go check out the apartments. So we the 2 bus and went and I texted Ashlie that we’d be half an hour later and she was fine with it. But then we got there, looked around, and I already had my heart set on the Cornell apartment but the others were really nice to look at. And probably because it was so cold and we were tired after a long day and had seen the nicer apartments first, Cornell was pretty disappointing. I was moreso in love with the location and the price than the actual building but it really was a huge step down. I’m going to do some more research and calculate all the expenses and where everything is in proximity with grocery stores and that kind of stuff but we’ll see. At this rate, because I got Andrew N.’s advice too, it doesn’t look like we’ll be going with Cornell. I know Emily is in love with Cottage Grove and while it is nice, I don’t think it’s nice enough in comparison with the Drexel apartment. It’s only a $20 difference for each of us and I feel like we may as well go with the more expensive one in that case and reap more benefits.
But onto today, I went to work and napped during my break in between classes. I was supposed to work on my homework and get a bunch of stuff done but I ended up passing out and honestly, that was probably for the best. I was so tired and felt like passing out all day at work. But I responded to 6 posts while at work and then I was just gonna go home, do my reflection, and continue my apartment research. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to either. Kind of. I had about half an hour before class and had the choice of either showering or doing my reflection and risk losing points in the class. I did the reflection. It took 20 minutes to watch but it was actually really interesting and I think I wrote a pretty good response. Class was fun too and I got a lot of good thoughts in. I lowkey bullshitted my IA assignment last night so I didn’t wan to present today but after reading other comments, I was feeling a lot better about it and felt ready to go. And while I didn’t get that chance, I was definitely read to present. And it was just nice because whenever I participated and knew all eyes were on me, I felt at ease and calm and collected. It was great. And plus, I did get to shower before class. I rushed but I did it and I felt so much better after.
Walking home with some people with ASO was interesting. We started off really strong but eventually our conversation died down. And Mulan was really shitting on her friends about how they don’t get anything done and I tried to defend them by talking about what Janae had been doing but she seemed stubborn and I haven’t served with them so I don’t know but there’s definitely some miscommunication going on here. Someone isn’t telling someone else that they’re upset. Or maybe neither of them are talking. Who knows. After hearing about what Mulan has had to go through, I’m a bit more understanding now but seeing her lash out at our friends... it still saddens me. 
And now I’m here. I’ve been typing for about half an hour and because I realized I need to do pre-work for graphic design soon, I’m worried that I actually won’t be sleeping at midnight today. But I did also promise Mulan that I would workout with her tomorrow morning at 7am so I kind of have to but we’ll see. I don’t mind if I stay up late again on Sunday night but especially since we’ll be debriefing too, I am worried. I should try to get as much of it done as I can beforehand. And I still need to work on my typography homework too.  I was saving that for tomorrow but if I can do it today, I may as well. I’m just hoping that everything calms down soon. I know I’ve only been so busy bc I’ve had blocks in my schedule of going home or meeting up with people that I haven’t had as much free time as I’d like. And while I am happy that I’m taking the time to meet up with more people and really invest into them and make the most out of life, I am starting to see how thinly I am stretching myself and it is worrying. I don’t want to half ass anything but I also don’t want to be left feeling so empty and stressed out again. It’s all about balance and I think I’ve just been too aggressive. But I do think everything will start to calm down starting next week so I’m excited. I just have to push through for now. 
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