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#but also I'm manifesting no one knowing about my vent blog none of you see this I'm not even typing this rn
andrew-nobody · 3 months
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Hello! I dunno if I'm gonna word this right so bear wit me please. But I'm curious.
I heard from a lot of systems that when there's a fictive they're WAAAYYY different than they were in the source.
What's that feel like? I mean... how do I explain? Like, you're suddenly... alive? Sorry if that's offensive, I unno a good word for what happens. Manifest?
And then you're seeing all this stuff about you but they're also kinna NOT about you personally?
Is that super overwhelming? How do you deal with that?
I hope that makes sense. I'm so bad at explaining and wording stuff.
Great question. Not offended, glad you asked. Just the way you’re asking gives me the impression that you get it.
It’s incredibly overwhelming! That’s a big reason I made this blog. Before the blog, I kind of walked into the Motel (the innerworld) with no sense of where I fit into it, let alone the world-at-large. But here, answering questions and stuff, it gives me direction, a purpose. A way to connect to my source, and all the people who love that source. And I want to contribute to that, because I feel like a part of it.
I am sort of suddenly alive. I suddenly exist. And the rules are different. Reality is different. I still have all of my memories from the game. That was all I knew before I “walked in.” Hell, I have memories that aren’t even in the game, but they’re blurry and hard to define until I explore them - kind of like that ask about if I’d ever want a pet.
More under cut….
I don’t want to say that I’m “WAYYY” different than my source. I’m kind of like an alternate reality version of that Andrew, I guess. Like, yeah… I fucking killed people and even ate them and also I didn’t do that because that happened in a game.
Would I kill someone now? Well, no, my circumstances are completely different for one thing. Also I don’t want to perpetuate a stereotype of an “evil alter” that can switch in and commit acts of violence. But when I put myself back in the headspace of my source and the exaggerated experience of fiction, I can still feel it. And when it comes to the play of an ask blog, why not do a little murder? Or whatever. Who’s it hurting?
When it comes to seeing people talking about a me that is not me, there’s definitely cognitive dissonance there. I just have to try to separate their experience and interpretation of the me that is a publicly-consumable character versus the me that is me.
For example, a lot of people are really into transgender/“genderbent”/femdrew/Andrea—whatever you want to call her. Seeing those interpretations give me some gender dysphoria, probably because the host of my system is trans masculine. But none of those interpretations are about me. So it’s simple, I just keep scrolling. I move along. Trans Andrew is just as valid as I am. And I know every version of me is important to the person that version is stemming from, and it says more about them than it does about me.
As for suddenly being in a system full of people I don’t know. It kind of sucks! Everyone here can read my mind?! I’m not used to that kind of lack of privacy, and I used to live with Ashley so that’s saying something! And I’m not the only fictive here, either. (There are fucking Teen Titans here? Lmfao??) And that’s difficult because, you know, we don’t all get along.
Anyway that was a LOT longer than I meant it to be. Kind of a whole vent post! Hope you don’t mind, Anon.
If you see this, feel free to shoot me a DM? I’m happy to talk more about this in detail (though I guess I already have…). Hope to hear from you.
Thanks so much.
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derekspoetry · 3 years
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tango thinks dex's first name is actually dex I'm gonna lose it
....bro
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