#but also I am scared of the dark anyway

[spocks-kaathyra]

"ur repressed" okay well have u even considered that emotions r purposeless and only serve to cause harm to those around u and I have achieved a unique transcendent state beyond them. have u considered that

#joking but like. am I wrong though #yeah no one is able to overcome the inherent human flaw of emotion and anyone who thinks they can is in fact mentally unwell #except for me I'm built different I have actually managed to transcend emotion. this is a good thing and not a problem #I saw my father's anger and my mother's discontent and my brother's self loathing and my friend's yearning. #and I saw how it only made everyone more unhappy. and I decided I would be above them all and never let my emotions rule me. #I was scared of the dark until I realized that fear wasn't useful to feel. so I stopped feeling it #this is a good thing and I am a paragon of mental health I think #mmm alternatively I was made to play mediator in a family of traumatized ppl and learned to repress my emotions to the point of dysfunction #but I prefer to think I'm enlightened and have no problems. this is fine and will not blow up in my face #anyways. just now realizing that this might stem from my childhood. oops #also realizing that I'm probably not aro and I just learned to turn off romantic attraction bc I saw how miserable it made my friend?? #well. I still don't experience romantic attraction. but probably I should and I will if I ever sort out this repression thing. whoopsie #really she was ready to kill herself over some white guy and I looked at that and was like. nope. I'm never stooping to that level #mm might not help that my parents never loved each other and I never had a healthy romantic relationship modeled for me as a child #but still like really like what is the point. of having emotions. they're just not useful #oh hurr durr I'm angry at my friends for talking over a tv show. there is no way to act on this without damaging ppl and relationships #ohh I'm in love with this guy who will never love me back. THERE IS NO PRODUCTIVE WAY TO ACT ON THIS #literally emotions can only be destructive and I'm a better person for opting out of them #there are no downsides to being repressed! I can still feel positive emotions. I'm happy sometimes. sometimes I'm excited. it's fine #guy who is Unpacking Things live on ur dash. sorry #narcissus's echoes #vent

[fluffypichu876]

Alright, I have finished Dishonored! Such an great game, and I loved my time with it! Everything about it felt extremely polished (wonderful atmosphere, tight controls, diverse stealth gameplay, interesting lore), but the level design in particular stood out to me. The levels are full of alternative paths and open many possibilities for the players to experiment around. The secrets and optional tasks are actually fun to find and complete, since they have actual impact on the mission as a whole. Every mission is filled to the brim with subtle enviromental storytelling, and you can find an insane amount of detail pretty much everywhere you go. You can discover so much about this world if you explore the game well-enough. It's honestly amazing.

I'm glad there's still DLC and a sequel for me to enjoy, otherwise I'd be feeling really empty right now xD

"Shall we gather for whiskey and cigars tonight?"

"Indeed. I believe so."

(that shit was driving me insane lol)

#i am disappointed at myself for fully upgrading possession and bend time only to never use them again xDD #maybe on the dlc... #(if i don't forget again) #but yeah that was a super fun game! #stealth games my beloved #also i did a low chaos run because that crypic “dark outcome” message scared me a bit xD #(and i'm used to non-lethal takedowns anyway ever since my mgs2 days) #i don't regret it though! #dishonored

[hearties-circus]

Oh g-d I've been withdrawing

#gamer txt. #i keep typong up posts and tags and delstinv them withoit thinking too much about it recentlu but k never usually dp that #theyve all been needy and attention seeking and thats why i was eriting them in the first place but thats ehy i keep deleting them #because i want attention #and that scares tge hell out of me #how bad do i have to be to be this desperate for some sort of contact yet this scared of losing everyone eho moght give it to me #why am u rhis scared of people thinking im annoying ive been feleting needy posts for months thats not . like me #even when im bad im usually better than that i dont. i dont understand ahy this is different #hell i relapsed a few months ago and i couldnt bring myself to even say i cut myself again outright bc i didnt want to be bother #since when the hell have i put up the illusion of being ok on this blog why am i so comcerned #are my trust issues really that bad? am i really that worried everyone who cares about me will fold the second i inconveniene them? #g-d thats. yeah fuck no wonder my friends were insulted when i gave them a 6/10 for 'ppl i would talk to if i had issues' #that is insulting #and whats worse is that its a lie #6/10 should be over half i should tell them my problems about half of the time #i dont do it. ever #and usually thats not too bad because i unload wverything here anyways but now ive stsrted stopping kyself frkm doi g thst #i want help and attention and to stop being so svared but im too scared to ask for those #i had to drag myself out of bed to make rhis post bc if i left it till morning i wouldnt do kt #also thats why all the typos btw no glssses its dark and i stsrted crying at some point #i dont know if its just how ive been feeling lateky or if theres some truth to it but i feel like my text posts have been getting seen less #im honestly kinda really twrrified im gonna wake up and no one will have seen this post and im just gonna pretend to be ok #bevause i would i think i would really just give up #i dont know what gl do #ive never been this scaredwithout a discernable cause before #ive stsrted cryung way harder andb u dont even know why #i think i think thats more or lees everything off my chest #im gonna try to sleep

[lesbiradshaw]

the scene of liam collapsed onto the forest floor in front of scott sobbing about how he’s scared of what’s happening to him not because of the fangs or the claws but because he thinks his parents already view him as a monster breaks me a little inside every time.

#its so integral to who liam is to me like hes so scared of failing people and part of him being quick to anger #is his habit of always being mad at himself before he can be blamed by anyone else #all of liams s4 arc really like. the ‘are you mad at me’ scene w dr g. #him always just trying SO HARD even when it makes him come off as cocky or arrogant #mentions of dr g training with him to bond over lacrosse #the ied scene in the shower where hes so quick to assure them he can do things despite his diagnosis #him backing out of helping scott save brett and saying hes not like him :( #scott and kira looking at him while he’s unconscious and talking ab how young he really is #him repeatedly saying he deserves the bad things that happen to him #the well scene. the way he clings to scott after #scott coming up behind him and touching his shoulder on the stairs #him not being able to sleep with the lights off #like its canon hes afraid to sleep in the dark because he has nightmares i feel ill #anyways #i am not feeling normal aboht him tonight #also him crying about his parents seeing him as a monster and not wanting to uproot their lives again bc of what he is #oooooh as a closeted person that got me right where it hurts #anyways! #liam dunbar

[xxlethal-lunaxx]

If anyone relates to this even just a little bit, then I'm so sorry.

#• luna lavinchi speaking • #living with cptsd #cptsd vent #complex ptsd #diet culture trauma #monsters inside me #toxic health culture #ex vegitarian/vegan #emotional flashbacks #health documentaries #dark side of veganism #i should have never been forced to watch these as a child..my mind wasn't ready to understand the information nor tell what was real or not #-i cant try sushi or even think about fish without feeling physically sick and dizzy. i haven't had McDonald's since i was like 6ish years- #-old..i never wanted to share this information but i need to vent. I feel embarrassed and rude for not liking a food chain that most of the #-population does. Smelling or seeing McDonald's makes me wanna puke so bad because of everything those documentaries would say. #I will never be able to eat McDonald's in my life because of how sick and terrified i feel when thinking about the food even the drinks- #-scare the shit out of me. I'm so pissed that I'm triggered. All of the sudden i smell something in the house that smells like McDonald's- #-then the memories come flooding back and i feel like puking so back so i cant even eat dinner. i know this may seem stupid but i am- #-genuinly scared. Im tired of this shit and tired of feeling alone in this. #(anyway sorry. if you read my vent then i appreciate you) #tw food talk #tw diet culture #tw vent in tags #(dont even get me started on parasites cause thats a whole fucking trauma itself. damn it i hate it all. i hate it so much) #(also note: my therapist made me feel so validated weeks ago when i told her during my session that i was traumatized by monsters inside me- #-she literally knew the name of the show before i could even say its name. and she said she also cant watch it and that she saw it as an- #-adult who doesn't have ocd. so she told me she can't even imagine how terrified i was to watch it as a child who was developing ocd.- #-therapist W)

[percyjacksonfan3]

Okay I will admit I was nervous going into Chalice of the Gods but I did love it

#ive been so distanced from the riordanverse since blood of olympus and i was very scared because this book is my og babies again #but rick pulled it off #were there things i didnt like? such as him forgetting Percy wore the invisibility cap before? yeah #and i wish there had been some more dialogue and meaningful conversations between characters. he's still shying away from that lately #which is disappointing #but im intrigued about what hes setting up and the little moments hes weaving in #we're still getting hints of percy's extreme power. like him with the river god? #rick what does it all MEAN #dont be a coward and commit to it #plus percy's growing resentment towards the gods and their treatment of everyone they see as less than them #give me the dark!percy storyline #but i also loved percy wavering on new rome (sorry girlies i am a new rome hater first and foremost) #and him mourning the fact that he wont be at chb much anymore #which i still think is so stupid but whatever im dealing with it #i loved all the callbacks to the og series. bit surprised rhea was introduced so casually but whatever #i feel like that could have been very cool #and the god of old age! gary! THAT was a great scene but again rick you can give us more #its okay the feelings and emotional dialogue wont hurt you #anyway im hopeful #this was just a first book in a trilogy so im hoping we'll get more into the deeper and darker themes as we go just like with pjo #you can do it rick #riordanverse #pjo #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #chalice of the gods #yes i finally read it today because i am finally reading again after weeks of work kicking my ass

[confettilegs]

Heh

#I KNOW the right answer to this but I’m gonna ponder anyway #I invited this guy I’m kinda into to my bday party next weekend and I was planning to wear a dress that shows my legs #I was also planning to dye my leg hair for pride month in june #the right course of action is probably to NOT shave for a man #and yet… I am so tempted because I don’t wanna scare him off with my luscious dark leg hair #but if I shave on the 27th it won’t be very long by June 11th #dilemma #do bi boys like hairy girl pls say yes

[obsidiannebula]

Need everyone to know that only moments ago my beloved husband of three years theatrically rejected my hug demands in the hallway, and then not ten seconds later texted me "come hug ho" in order to lure me into the unlit room where he was lurking behind the door in an attempt to scare me. Horrible gremlin of a man. I will be keeping him

#husband tag #he FAILED by the way #i noticed the door was more open than usual #and noticed an unusual blobby shape to the darkness behind the door in my peripheral vision #i was on my guard and was not taken by surprise #this is noteworthy because he scares the shit out of me ALL THE TIME #i am very jumpy and easily get too focused on what im doing to notice my surroundings #ALSO because im so naturally anxious i tend to notice too many sounds so ive started dismissing most potentially scary sounds #bc they basically are never actually a threat. except when theyre HIM #also i mishear innocuous noises a lot and my brain thinks theyre people or dangers or coming from someplace they arent #anyway brain bad which makes it easy for my husband to startle me on purpose because he is a STINKY BASTARD MAN

[cutearose]

should I have stayed up to read the fifty page dracula daily email? no! but I did! and now I have emotions!

#also my email provider cut it off like. right in the middle of the big fight scene #i was SO MAD. so i had to read the ending on the archive #and strain my eyes the whole time with the dark background #but i couldnt stop right then!! i needed to know!!!! #anyway im sad about renfield and mina and also very scared of dracula #but for some reason mina calling him d in the telegram just amused me a lot #idk why it just felt funny #anyway. scream. i need to sleep #that took me fortyfive minutes!! i have an appointment tomorrow!! why am i like this #dracula daily #post

[silenthillbunni]

.

#ok im not gonna let myself complain abt it too much. even if complaining is very cathartic to me. like its just part of the process #anyway im gonna try to not do that.... #but yeah i hate being ill and in pain. it's like a veil is pulled over myeyes and the entire world gets so dark and scary #idk how to explain i just feel so alone and so anxious and so unhappy #my experience with healthcare is sadly that treatment never helps and nothing gets better #so that's why i always get kinda depressed when something like this happens #the doctor suspects it is gallstones. and i got those rectal pills skskks that i'll try for the pain #then i just need to wait to get an ultra sound scan so they can check for gallstones. then i dont know #i was too stressed to ask her abt diet and such but im reading online and im like?? idk what im supposed to eat #that pain is just fkn awful and im so scared of triggering it #esp bc i dont fkn know how to put a pill up my ass that stresses me out even more #if i had an ordinary life i.e a job and friends and such it's easier to handle these things. but when u feel vulnerable nd scared it makes #it sm worse..... #and im so fkn stressed abt school now!!!! how am i supposed to sit and class when im in pain???? and barely sleeping #yeah idk. i need to find a way to get thru this ksksks :((((( #maybe im over dramatic or smth. i prob am. but i cant describe it im just in sm pain and im scared and confused and stressed af #i also have no idea how long this will last or if i can start eating normally and when i can start going for my walks again #like will this not pass until they remove the potential gallstone or what?? #i hate this pain sm it hurts so bad i dont know how long i'll be able to endure it #im also getting closer to a depression so.. idk im just not ok rn ksks

[logically-asexual]

personal problems in tags

#so there’s this guy #i had a huge crush on #and he actually liked me back #and he was everything i wanted in terms of #he had more or less the values as me and was open minded #and he was smart and cute and also had many of the same interests as me #but it made me sad to talk to him because he had a lot of issues and he would always vent to me and i couldn’t hold a normal conversation #because he would always turn it into some complaint about himself or his life #and also because i talked about him about me being ace and he said it was okay #but i didn’t really trust him that he was okay with it. #and then he wrote me this weird letter that just showed a really weird perspective on things that honestly just scared me off #so i stopped talking to him #but im not over him. i miss him. and i have to actively remind myself of why i stopped talking to him because i want to go back sometimes #anyway #i am rarely attracted to men but when i do i do have a type and it is ummm #not totally traditionally masculine men. more like soft boys but who are also kinda emo or goth and at first glance appear like bad boys #and also are tall and have dark fluffy hair and wear black clothes #so i just watched renfield and im IN LOVE with the main character. of course. he ticks every box #but i realized he reminds me of this guy from real life lol #and i just posted a bunch of renfield pics and gifs to my stories and this guy saw them #and im wondering. if he sees these and realizes that that’s him #and realizes i did like him a lot. so much that i still like him in other places. #i don’t know. i guess i hope he does. just so he knows #vent

[lunarharp]

a random draft where i was ramblingg about witch hat & art to myself for myself :)

rare time i feel like actually going off about the thing i’m having fun with right now in more detail ... but not on twt where strangers might try to discuss back at me lol sorry but that is scary. (not that you even have the room to soliloquy on there)

i love how there's characters for varying types of artists to relate to. people like agott who have been adept at drawing from a young age but feel overwhelmed by feelings of not meeting their expectations. and are driven mostly by feelings of wanting to prove their worth..

people like oru who have always been around the art but now are burnt out from commissions and wondering just what they're drawing for... and ones i relate to the most personally like coco and qifrey, who started drawing at an older age to the skilled people around them. like coco i'm so happy that i'm in the world of drawing(/magic) now and excited every day but also weighed down by fears that i'll never get to what i where i need to be after starting at this late stage and also whether i'm really cut out for this....

and like qifrey i only started drawing after a narrow escape from trauma... i started drawing to make sense of what my life is now, just as he was invited by beldaruit to become a witch because it was the only safe path he could take. (although i've not been through anything quite like what he's been through... ouagh)

and there’s tetia who just wants to draw to make other people feel happy about what she’s made, to have fun, and spread hope and happiness and gratitude. who feels so happy whenever someone thanks her for what she’s created - i understand now how it feels to want to thank them for thanking her and how making art, when you get a meaningful response, can be a truly warm communal type experience. but you do need that response - her overwhelming happiness when the dragon thing was happy and she said it was the first time she’d ever felt fully appreciated for her magic and it made her soooo happy. she had been drawing until then, but it was the last puzzle in place to make her realise the breadth of what magic can be for her.

and riche who is determined to not lose the “her”-ness from her art, doesn’t want to learn new techniques and become more regular and orthodox in style if it means she feels she’s losing something... i get that!!! precious autistic-coded child... the ways we feel about our art differ depending on our own mental landscapes. hahhhh... shirahama said she began this series because she was having a conversation with artist friends about how it feels like drawing just really is magic. i mean..... it is.

i think writing feels like magic too, and i’m glad i can do both now. any creation is total magic. i’ve drawn scenes that were in my head and that’s let other people see them and if i can trust their comments about it, has moved them in some way or at least let them imagine a scene or a situation that they wouldn’t have imagined otherwise. but it’s different from just telling someone about it. when you draw something, or write something it really exists now - outside of you. THAT’S SO WEIRD.

i liked drawing a lot of takarazuka things (before i realised i got kind of burnt out drawing all this transcore stuff that people were not exactly responding to because it’s so niche and weird lmao) but drawing fanart for something that also ONLY exists in art is so special. it’s not acted by real people. like.. they’re just little people that someone drew and now i draw them too. total magic. and she gets up and draws them every day the same as me...

i love that a manga isn’t just art, it’s storytelling too. doing both writing and drawing at the same time - it feels like such a perfect and fascinating combination of skills and facets of creation. i’m better at writing than drawing, so i don’t feel like i can express my original stories well enough in comic form just yet. but i might just get there.

the world is so confusing and overwhelming and terrible every day. only creation is something i can understand. sometimes i can’t understand it - when i feel REALLY bad, it’s definitely like, what’s the point. and i wish i had more things to experience at present than just creation - i want to be outside and just feel and be as well as create. and at some point i’ll definitely stop posting my creations online. but creating has become something that i don’t need to understand the reason for it - so at those times when i wonder what the real point to any of this is.... lately, i usually still create anyway. just as you’d still breathe and sleep even though you’re hurt and confused by the horrors of the world. it’s becoming how i express myself. i find myself drawing pretty much every day because it’s part of how i make sense of shit now and i naturally want to do it. not doing it is painful.

i hope this magic continues. i hope it becomes far more wonderful than i can even imagine from here.

and i won't lose.

#things really are different if you start drawing in your mid/late 20s or onwards. #you haven't developed your idea of yourself as an 'artist' at the time your brain was developing your identity. #but reading something that is basically saying- it's not too late and you have your own magic that only youan do... is so heartening. #also the manga is very gay. it's not THAT shockingly original and fascinating a story- but like... #i just don't know many ongoing fun series with interesting lovable characters where there are also major representations #for disability race queerness etc. #esp if tetia is trans. shirahama-sensei you can tell me... #MOSTLY IM LOSING MY MIND AT WHERE THE SERIES IS GOING LIKE I AM SCARED. my theories are dark and i fear for qifrey SOMEONE HELP HIMMM.. #ONCE AGAIN LET SOMEONE HLEP YOU YOU QUESTIONABLE AND TRAGIC GAY LITTLE SKIRT MAN #i hate that i had to just let my fic be so short. I CANT WRITE ANY MORE RIGHT NOW...i would have to make up so much plot stuff #bc orufrey CANNT happen they cant freaking KISS until so much is sorted out between them which requires the plot moving forward and.. #AUGHHH !!!! sensei please just tell me what happens please please please please please please please please please #the next chapter looks hella plot-ful but STILL..it's going to take YEARS..i just want to know if qifrey IS GOING TO SURVIVE THIS SHIT !!!! #if the brimhats [redacted] then he'll [redacted] and THEN WHAT IF [redacted] has to [redacted] I FEEL LIKE SENSEI'LL DO THAT !!! SCARED #SURELLLY she'll have [redacted] have to [redacted] but i dont think shed go as far as [redacted] ?????? #i plan to go to japan next year if possible anyway but what if it's too early for an anime-fuelled merch section in animate. please #this is like the first new and non-zuka thing i've been hyperfixated on for years. i need official qifrey and oru items. I need the items #once again i feel weird putting my personal feelings and theories on the internet to an audience of nobody but once again we will die. #am i going to be on my deathbed thinking 'oh i shouldn't have happily gone off about witch hat on tumblr that time how embarrassing' no. #do you know how worthwhile it is to enjoy something. and to basically avoid other fanworks for the most part so you're just surrounded #by your own pure and enjoyable feelings. #i actually went to a local queer art place yesterday and like. man i was very different to them but #there are people somewhat like me out there huh. somewhere. i'm going to make zines and art and express my world. even if just a bit. #literally why would you priv reblog something like this i think there is something wrong with you? i feel better about myself now #i will find the ones like me not the ones like you <3

[donttellthemangosiwashere]

Tierlist made by @intrulogical

#OKAY i did one ajdhf #i am a sheep. anyway #hot take dark sides and light sides is dumb and the fandom gives it way too much weight <3 #its just some dumb shit roman made up on the spot dont listen to him lol /aff #also dont kill me but. ive never liked combine creativity stuff #i think its dumb i dont think there was a split. ''king c''s are just an excuse for fun character design #and ive only ever seen ''pat and jan split them'' as an excuse to villainize one or the other of the two #also like. cmon. pat should be the youngest side if any of them are any older/younger than others. #what age were you when you first truly grasped the concept of right and wrong?? older then when you started colorin and being scared of shit #i also hate all the orange side nonsense. i dont like the new twist with orange logan in canon and i doubt i ever will #logan overworking himself was a hard one. i love to make him do it in aus but in cannon he just doesnt really seem like the type?? not to th #the extent fanon means it anyway #and i dont care if its not canon VRJ deserve to be friends #as a treat (for me) <3 #@ me if you disagree or want me to explain smthn #or think you could change my mind. im willing to learn to Enjoy Things lmao

[astrxealis]

gna make a ffxiv oc based off lamorak fr bcs wtf

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #i think the general idea of. lamorak. but with a hood. is stuck in my head #as an ffxiv oc/character doing the /shush emote and winking. idk even what race. maybe m viera bcs i am BIASED #long hair tho. platinum blond??? idk even where they come from. hm. okay i think m viera fr #IDK THOUGH ... mostly it's just a general fandomless oc so maybe it's useless for me to try and put it into xiv #but it doesn't fit the gang i already have... i do NOT see merle w this guy #i want to make my own world that includes angels and stuff mhmmhmhmhmh #bcs the one i have already sorta includes. okay it reminds me at least in vibes alone of ffxiv ffbe ffxvi gbf fe3h octopath #as you can tell i like. square enix lol #KFBSKNDK ANYWAYS this guy has long hair but he's the kind that likes to play around so sometimes he kinda uhh #puts his hair up and puts a lot of cute pins in his hair ... and he's a tease #but he's like. Fake Smiler. he's incredibly charming but once he gets what he wants out of you the smile just stops #except he grows attached to people he finds cute or interesting #also he's kinda immortal. scared of losing people so he doesn't get too close. doesn't want anyone to die too #even if it is an enemy his first instinct is to save them even if he hates their guts bcs he just despises the idea of dying so much #bcs he lost his idk ... his friend? his sister?? #okay i'll head out of my dark af room and do smth bcs argrhh it is already 2 pm wtf!! #hes a bit like oikawa i think but deeper bcs it ain't just volleyball lmao. he also reminds me a bit of howl and aerith!

[xerayn]

Shout out to that one time I got into a fight aged 13 in town because a bitch threatened to push us into the water beside us just because one of my friends were cosplaying🥰 I am petrified of water🥰 I was frightened for my life cause I knew she would do it🥰 but oh well🥰

And when the two people broke up the fight they only gave me (already bitten and bleeding) a leaflet on how to believe in God and punishing me for fighting basically 🥰

I have so much violence contained within me🥰

#was thinking bout this again and I can't punch her but at least I can vent #also weird swearing but this is high priority and my usual children friendly swears will not do #my friends were crying more than me. I was about to walk home thirty mins until I broke down when they were out of sight #they do not know how scared I was that day and how they were not dealing with the situation well #they view me as a legend but I was going to loose if those guys did not step in #they don't know how I was scared that I might break a bone or have a nosebleed #I steuggled to constantly not cry the next few days because one. traumatizing at that age and two. I still wanted to punch that bitch more #I am seething right now and it's been. two years #WAIT that meant I was twelve. And I didn't have social media #I GOT INTO A FIGHT WITHOUT EVEN BEING OLD ENOUGH TO WATCH YOUTUBE #damn #ANYWAY #dark road release date huh?

[beehop]

i’m really enjoying alan wake 2 but i honestly wish it didn’t have combat and was just like an atmospheric horror puzzle game

#idk i hate the combat in it #i am now playing in easy and lowkey i am convinced the enemies can’t kill you on easy #i ran out of flashlight charges so couldn’t de darkify this enemy so i just stood there like ok kill me #and it went on so long and i was still alive and i eventually just reloaded a save lol #but anyway imo it doesn’t really add much to the experience? the enemies are just like a jumpscare annoyance #i just finished alan’s first bits and got back to saga maybe i’ll feel differently with combat on her end #but in the dark place it just seems…dumb…i’m already scared this place is creepy i don’t need shadow people coming at me #i’m like super invested in the story and puzzle elements though i love the murder/plot board stuff #also!! another complaint!! it has too many collectibes #anyway i wasn’t lying when i said i am really liking it but it kinda sounds like i am lol #i just needed to complain for a bit