#but after degree i need masters degree for being a teacher and i don't believe that i can do it

[mamasbakeria]

hey, what's your major again?

summary: my credible expert opinion on what the aot characters would study in university. what are my qualifications? the dozens of hours i’ve spent staring at my school’s program bulletin trying to figure out what i’m majoring in

genre | includes: headcanons, sfw, minor language, uninformed percy jackson reference (pls don't hate me if im wrong)

characters: eren jaeger, mikasa ackerman, armin arlert, sasha braus, jean kirschtein, connie springer, historia reiss, ymir, reiner braun, annie leonhardt

author’s note: had this in my drafts for months now. i just need to post it so it stops haunting me. might do the rest of the marleyans and vets in the future! lmk your thoughts, my only tumblr notifications are from p*rn bots, so i'd love to hear from real people lol. enjoy <3

eren: sociology and public policy, 4+1 program for a social work masters

there’s only so many times you can hear “you’re gonna be a doctor just like your dad” before you start to believe it. that’s why eren started out with biology on the premed track. the thing is, he really didn’t care for it. eren is really passionate about lessening equity gaps and is a firm believer in “if you want something done right, do it yourself”. this is why i see him making the switch to a double major in public policy and sociology. he wants to know about how society got to the point of perpetuating disparities so that he can fix them. but he also knows that the government fucking sucks and thinks its naive to expect policy change to be the only method of change. and like the maniac he is, eren is enrolled in a 4+1 program so he can get his master’s in social work when he’s done with his undergrad. he’s determined to graduate with both degrees in just 4 years though. rip his summers.

armin: international relations and military ethics, minor in communications or smth

everyone always says armin would study marine biology or oceanographic studies, but i honestly think that it’s a passion that he pursues on the side. he takes marine bio courses for his breadth requirements, but knows he’d end up hating the ocean if he spent the rest of his life studying it. he also strikes me as someone who would rather run buck naked into traffic than sit through multiple semesters of organic chemistry. armin was always a good public speaker, though, despite being a bit insecure. that’s why his speech and debate teacher during sophomore year of high school recommended model united nations to him. he was hooked after his first conference and now genuinely sees the path of international diplomacy as his calling. that’s why he’s majoring in international relations. his concentration in military ethics is something he tacks on in his junior year after taking some courses and publishing research with dr. erwin smith. he probably minors in communications because he can.

mikasa: forensic science

mikasa had no idea what she wanted to do when she started uni. she’s good at nearly everything. like never gotten a B in her life and is the student who the curve is based off of. but excelling in every environment you’re put in often means you don’t know what you’re best at. she knew deep down that she wanted to do something justice related like her childhood best friends did, but she’s no public speaker and has no interest in political reform. she was, however, emo in high school and heard a fair share of undertaker jokes at her expense. it wouldn’t hurt to look into right? as cool as the title sounds, morticians don’t make enough money for the job they have. fortunately enough, forensic pathologists do and mikasa looks good in a lab coat. she would never admit it to spare armin and eren’s feelings, but when they, as children, recreated the crime-solving shows mrs. jaeger always had on, mikasa always wanted to be the brains. so criminology and forensic science it is. (side note: she definitely joins the military and they pay for her education)

jean: structural engineering and industrial design with a minor in studio art

more than anything, jean wants to provide for his mom and knows he can’t guarantee a retirement of luxury for her as the freelance artist he wishes he could be. he’s decent at math when he tries and doesn’t hate physics, so he decided he’d give structural engineering a try for at least a semester or two. he wasn’t expecting to get much from it, to be honest. he had a plethora of backup plans waiting for his supposedly inevitable distaste for engineering, but he found that he didn’t hate it at all. someone once told jean that he had the makings of a great leader and he didn’t believe them until he started taking the lead on design projects and producing incredible results. his only qualm is that he just doesn’t get to be as creative as he wanted to be. that was easily rectified by an additional major in industrial design and a minor in studio art. he’s unbelievably busy, busier than he anticipated when he started his post-secondary journey, but he’s content and there’s nothing some extra coffee can’t solve. 

sasha: environmental science and sustainability

sasha spent her childhood ankle-deep in mud and fighting her way through forest thickets without a compass. an upbringing like that doesn’t leave your spirit, no matter how far into the city you go for school. so sasha’s always been passively passionate about the environment. that passiveness became significantly more prominent when part of the woods she grew up in was cleared out to build an industrial complex. it was then that she started researching and writing petitions about preserving wildlife and making environmentally conscious decisions. her work actually got her the scholarship she’s on (because god knows it wasn’t her grades). and she genuinely loves what she does, so why wouldn’t she keep learning about it? the environmental science and sustainability program at the school is small, but tight-knit and known for churning out changemakers. sasha knows she’ll be one of them one day. just hide your plastic straws from her, okay?

connie: computer science and chinese

stick with me here okay? everyone expects connie to be a douchebag marketing major whose hardest assignments are graphing functions and making posters on photoshop, but he’s a lot more invested in his education than he looks. don’t get me wrong, connie has always struggled academically, but that’s because so much of early education is pre-determined. he performed way better when he could choose what courses he took. it’s kind of like percy jackson being dyslexic in english because he was wired to read in greek. connie can’t keep his eyes on a history textbook for shit, but will gladly sit in front of the c++ code on his pc for hours. he doesn’t even get mad when he realizes that he was missing a semicolon. connie loves how versatile of a future he could have with a compsci degree, because, let’s be real, he could never survive in a typical office environment. definitely takes a bunch of chinese classes and doesn’t realize that he has enough credits for it to be a minor until his second to last semester.

historia: political science with a minor in international relations and child development

historia is a lot like eren in the sense that she knows her time is best spent doing hands-on work in the fields she cares about. she realizes this sometime after reconnecting with her estranged father and volunteering at the orphanage she grew up in. but now that she’s publicly associated with a powerful political figure, historia doesn’t get to do what she wants, only what is expected of her. that’s how she ends up on the pre-law political science and public policy route. the nickname “ms. president” that connie and sasha give her only further reminds her that she’s heading down a path she never wanted for herself. after lots of encouragement from ymir, historia decided to take child development courses on the side. even if she doesn’t take on the full minor, she’s taking some classes she cares about. maybe she’ll find use for it someday. at the very least, it’s her first step in becoming the most selfish girl in the world.

ymir: data science and business management

ymir is smart. much smarter than she presents herself to be, almost as a form of protection. nobody expects much of someone who is aloof, so it makes it easy to slip through the cracks to remain safe and comfortable in the shadows. business management is notoriously low commitment and easy to skate by with. guaranteed internships, post-graduate employment, and so on. To anyone who doesn’t know ymir well, it’s perfect. but they have her mistaken, ymir will do as little as possible to go as far as possible. sure, she can live comfortably with a business degree, but it could be better with a little bit of data science in her arsenal. she’s intelligent enough to pick up on it, and determined enough to make it her bitch. yeah, academia is a money-sucking pipeline into the capitalist hellscape, she doesn’t believe in it yada yada, but at the end of the day, ymir’s gonna get the bag. so what if she’s gotta sleep through some stats classes to get it?

reiner: behavioral economics

reiner’s mother had convinced him his whole life that getting a high paying job would fix their lives and bring his father back. believing “perfect grades lead to a perfect life” made high school tough for reiner; gifted kid burnout is no joke. it really messed him up. he wasn’t sure if he could withstand the pressures of university, but here he is. reiner was never allowed a therapist, so he figured pursuing psychology would, at the very least, give him some answers and be a good pathway to a medical degree. he loved getting to understand how people work and why they act the way they do, but something was missing. he found out what it was when a guest lecturer spoke in his economics class. he knew making the switch would be risky, it’s a new field and his current career options are really only research, academia, or government, but the interdisciplinary study of behavioral economics is calling reiner’s name. 

annie: biomedical engineering and kinesiology

annie’s entire life revolved around her father, including the injury he was never able to heal from. the one she gave him. he’s claimed to be over it, she’s forgiven, but annie will never feel like she’s earned that forgiveness until she gets rid of the problem entirely. how is she going to do that exactly? with biomedical engineering. she has years of hell in front of her, especially with her concentration on biomechanics, but she doesn’t care. annie will throw herself into her work to get the results she wants. she takes the highest amount of credits possible every semester so she can graduate early. you’ll most likely find her chained to a study cubicle at the library at all hours of the day and running on 2 hours of sleep, but it doesn’t faze her. she tacks on a minor in kinesiology because it makes sense and she had most of the credits for it anyway. and as if it couldn’t get worse, she probably TAs for a thermodynamics course or something crazy like that.

© mamasbakeria 2023. do not repost, translate (without permission), or modify

#gbemi.writes #aot #attack on titan #snk #shingeki no kyojin #aot headcanons #snk headcanons #college au #eren jaeger x reader #eren x reader #mikasa ackerman x reader #mikasa x reader #armin arlert x reader #armin x reader #jean kirschtein x reader #sasha braus x reader #connie springer x reader #historia reiss x reader #ymir x reader #reiner x reader #reiner braun x reader #annie leonhardt x reader #eren headcanons #armin headcanons #reiner headcanons

[morgana-ren]

... Come to think of it, that vampiric competitiveness that kept Astarion as a comparatively dull tool to other minions of other villains has not served Cazador well at all. Imagine what he could have if he instead dangled the offer of true vampirism in front of Astarion as the carrot to slavery's stick, and used that motivation to mold him into a tool by nourishing that manipulative nature with the skills needed to be a successful hunter, rather than using him as a punching bag and occasionally bait.

Sure, Astarion already brought enough beautiful people for his master to enjoy if the little "eat this rat or get flayed" choice was a frequent enough occurrence for him to consider it normal. Based on how you first meet, he's already a half decent sneak and liar when it doesn't come to hiding his dinner (though he clearly gets better at it, since we never discover the bear he snacked on) and when he puts his mind to it, he can be very flattering- at least as keen to butter you up as Gale when he wants something. With him in our party, he's clearly sharpening his guile and beguiling and he doesn't have a master vampire guiding his development. Imagine if he had a real teacher.

If Cazador was a little smarter about how he played with his toys, we might have a very different mess of a man on our hands, and a much more dangerous one... A resentful one of his master, I can't imagine that changing, but perhaps not as rebellious if they were to ever cross paths again because there would seem to be more paths to freedom from his shitty circumstance than "run and pray I'm never discovered because how could I ever hope to overpower the monster that's haunted me for centuries?"

Why, poor Tav might well have ended up one of those beautiful people offered up to his master.

Truthfully, the little I know of Cazador has him seeming up his own ass-- to a fault.

I don't think he ever considered utilizing Asto as a tool, mainly because I don't think he considered the fact that he might need tools. I understand the mind frame of arrogance that one might find themselves in given the ultimate power of a vampire lord, but this complacency has inevitably ended up breeding his end.

The cruelty, as far as we know, was the point of it all. Asto himself says that he got off on it, and thoroughly enjoyed the power he had over others to the degree that it became the driving point behind his very existence.

However...

After a recent playthrough, I have a few theories about Asto and his checkered history with the Gur, because as we know, it wasn't actually Cazador who sent the monster hunter after him. If you cast 'Speak with the Dead' on the hunter who has been sent to hunt him, you can discover that it wasn't quite Cazador who sent him. Who it was isn't said outright, but given some changes in dialogue, I'm inclined to believe that it's likely someone high and powerful to them.

After all, what kind of monster hunter would barter with a hag just to fulfill a contract for some random asshole? Especially a Gur that would be well versed in the Faustian nature of deals with such creatures? But if someone meaningful-- someone powerful-- asked you to do a thing, or had a message relayed to you to do so... well, that's a different story.

The fact that Cazador showed up to save his life could be entirely a coincidence-- or maybe it isn't. Cazador clearly is aware of his absence, and if there are others who seek to have him hunted, who else but Cazador would have the information they seek? It's been hundreds of years since 'Politician Astarion' disappeared. Who else would have known that he was still alive? Who else would know that he had disappeared from his 'post?'

I have a strange feeling that Cazador, while ultimately being a sadist who did indeed get off on it all, has a little more involvement with his demise than is initially made straight forward information.

And if there was ulterior motive there, he likely never would have considered honing Astarion's talents beyond torturing him. There's a reason that Asto was kept as he was, though the full extent of everyone's involvement is too shadowed to truly speculate with accuracy in this current EA state of the game.

I don't doubt that Cazador enjoyed it. Not even a little. But I don't think that's all there is to it.

#morgana and friends #astarion

[luthienne]

i wish you the best in your journey forward ... and i hope that though watching you i can convince myself that i'm not a lost cause. i haven't been able to play the piano for a very long time due to nerve damage in my arms. when i do play now, it's slow and clumsy. i hate it. it does feel like an existential betrayal, but my body didn't do this to me on purpose. i think i just have to take it day by day. have the same patience my teachers had with me when i was a child. take care of yourself, and thank you for being open about your experiences. 🤍

i believe with all my heart that you are not a lost cause, that with some time and patience (and limitless amounts of kindness to yourself) that you can make progress in your playing again.

toward the end of my master's degree, i developed a startle response in my voice, in my vocal onset. an involuntary throat constriction that ultimately took my ability to sing, to produce any sound at all. it spread from my auditions and performances until even the thought of my practice began to produce this response in my body. eventually the thought of singing brought me more grief than joy and i lost the desire completely. i felt like a ghost, an imitation of myself because i had no self separate from my identity as a singer/musician.

it's different, of course, from this past year of infections that have affected my body and reduced my ability to sing. but how i have approached my practice is the same: my therapist reminds me that whether it is a self-protective somatic mechanism or whether it is from illness: my body is constantly working to heal, my mind is capable of rewiring neural pathways, and what cannot be healed (or returned to its previous state) can be managed with adapting. either the situation can change, or how i approach the situation can change. approaching my practice with the mindset that i am not here to judge my progress, only to make some progress.

a huge bridge between me and singing was reaching out to some voice teachers who were recommended to me by someone in the classical music world that i trusted. i explained that i was rehabilitating my voice after some time away and once we met in person, was able to explain in more detail what had happened. they were able to approach my lessons in a way that gave me the safety i needed to make progress. i was drowning alone. i don't know if reaching out to some local teachers is possible for you — whether you have the financial stability to spend some extra money every few weeks or whether you have anyone you can trust. but if you can, i cannot overstate how much support it gave me to have a mentor again, to have someone to guide me back.

sending you all my love. i am right here with you in this. and thank you so much for sharing this with me. it means the world to me <3

#ask #anon #music study tag

[nothorses]

Hey I’m about to head off to college and majoring in arts education, could I ask what that was like for you? Or maybe if there’s any wisdom you’d care to pass on?

Oh hell yeah! That's my niche!!

A lot of the college-specific stuff is gonna be dependent on your specific school, but if you ever want help navigating that nitty-gritty weirdness, feel free to DM me tbh. I've been through a lot of different bullshit.

Also, this is gonna be assuming US college systems. I don't know what might be different in other countries, and I'd recommend cross-checking or getting tips separately from someone who's been through college in your country if you aren't in the US.

That said!

Education degrees are complicated for a number of reasons, because they come in different forms:

Degrees with endorsements vs. degrees without endorsements. - An "endorsement" is basically the specific subject you're getting certified to teach. Your degree will require an endorsement if it's inclusive of middle or high school, which are typically secondary education degrees (middle or high school), or P-12 (preschool through 12th grade, usually specialized subjects like art, music, theater, etc.) - If you're getting an endorsement (and if you're teaching art, you will be), I recommend setting up a meeting with your advisor ASAP. You will likely be a major in multiple colleges within your university- the college of education, and the college of art- and this gets complicated fast. I had to apply and be accepted to both colleges separately, and I wasn't able to even apply for the college of education until I only had 10 credits left of art classes to take. You'll want whatever insight you can get well in advance, so you have time to plan and prepare.

Degrees with certifications vs. degrees without certifications. - A degree in education is different from a certification to teach in your state. Certification in the US is state-by-state, and it's a long, complicated, headache-inducing process. The easiest way to handle it is to make sure the degree you're getting includes certification. - Alternatively, you can get your Master's in Teaching (not education) which usually does include certification. Double-check that with your school, though! There are sometimes other programs that do this as well- in WA state, for example, the Governer's School has a much shorter, much faster teacher certification program, but I believe you need to have your Bachelor's first.

Special education versions of all of these. - Special education is it's own complicated mess; you can get a special education degree with an endorsement, I believe special ed degrees also factor in grade levels, and there are also separate certifications needed. Get insight from your advisor- and someone who knows the college at your school for it- if you plan on going into it. - Frankly, I don't recommend going into it. The field of special ed lags behind the rest of the education field, and if I'm being honest, my education professors have consistently been better-versed in disability accommodation and advocacy than the special ed professors I've taken classes with.

You should also know...

A bachelor's degree won't be enough to teach any higher than high school; if you're interested in teaching at a college level, you should look into Master's programs.

Master's degrees also mean you get paid more! Teachers will often wait to get one until after they've been teaching for a few years- definitely consider if you want one at all, and when would be a good time for you to do that.

Look into what it means to teach in your state: the experiences other teachers have had there, what the pay is like, etc. Start thinking about where you want to teach, and if that's different from where you're getting your degree, consider the route to certification that makes sense for you (i.e., if you don't want to teach there, you probably don't want to be in a program that requires you to also finish your student teaching in order to earn your degree.)

You should also look into your college of education's philosophy of education ahead of time. There are some really great programs out there with really progressive ideas doing genuinely incredible work, and there are also colleges that uh... you will not agree with. Save yourself the misery if you can, and figure out ahead of time whether "should I transfer to a better program?" is going to be a question for you.

Look into application requirements for the art education major through the college of art ahead of time! Oftentimes they want a portfolio of your work, and while they may not be super hard on your actual skill level, they will almost certainly be looking very closely to make sure you fulfilled the requirements posted.

When you do your student teaching, consider looking into "emergency substitute" or "intern/student teacher substitute" certifications in that district. I don't recommend subbing when you're doing your student teaching, but you may be able to get a cert like that in your district, and it can be a really good stop-gap if you need one.

And some more general, practical tips:

Meet with your advisor so so much. At least once a quarter, when it's time to sign up for classes, but more than that if you have any questions at all! Use the resources available to you!

Look up professors on ratemyprofessors before registering for their classes. Particularly if there's a choice between a few of them, and even if you only have one option. The vibe check can be life-saving.

If you're waitlisted for a class, you should: 1. Email the professor ASAP and ask for an add code. Tell them you're looking forward to the class, and if there's any reason you need that specific class, tell them that, too. 2. Show up to the first day of class and stay until the end. Usually people will just not show up on the first day and drop the class in the system later, and professors will generally give out add codes at the end of the class to anyone who's waitlisted and still hanging around.

If you really want to take a class, but it isn't available to you for any reason (you haven't fulfilled a per-requisite, you're not in the major, class times conflict), consider emailing the professor about it. Oftentimes they'll give you an add code, and I've found art professors in particular are usually happy to let in students who don't have the per-requisites, especially if they're somewhat experienced artists.

Don't buy books for your class before the first class (with the exception of English classes). Professors will often "require" books they never actually use in the class, and oftentimes they'll outright say it that first day; or they'll post PDFs of the relevant excerpts for free, or they'll tell you where you can get them for cheaper. (I personally don't buy books until after the first few classes. If they're not even gonna quiz me on it, I'm not spending $150 on the textbook.)

Don't throw away art supplies (even paper!), and don't buy everything on your professor's materials list right away. You do not need the specific brand and thing they suggest, and you almost certainly won't need them the first day. Those lists are great if you literally don't have those supplies, but if your professor tells you to get a specific set of drawing pencils and you have a similar set from a different brand, and/or with different hardnesses, don't worry about it. (Also, if you're short on money, they often have backup supplies they can lend you- particularly for super specialized things, like carving tools for printmaking).

In general: look into the resources your school has to offer, and take advantage of them! Counseling centers, student health centers, disability accomodation centers (free testing and diagnosis? sometimes??), tutoring services, writing labs, gyms and pools and shit, free food hookups- all of it! Maybe you don't need or want it right now, but just knowing those things exist can be invaluable down the line.

If you feel guilty for using the resources your school is offering you, I am bapping your head with a paper towel tube.

Look into clubs! Join clubs! Socialize!! Shit, even sports teams- I can't tell you how many people I've told about my school's equestrian team who would have loved to join it if they'd known sooner. My school had a tabletop RPG club, a specific trans club, even an aro and ace club! Join that shit!! Show up to a meeting! Leave if the vibes are off!! I still talk to people I met through the trans club at my school, and I only went to, like, 4 meetings. Do it!!

I can't think of anything else, and this post is long as fuck now. Whoops.

Reach out if you have any other questions, and seriously, feel free to get in touch over DMs about it. Use your resources!

Good luck!!

#long post #advice #college #university #education

[moondays]

Mirror

It came across my mind that I already lived in Japan for 9 years, since April 2014. I came to Japan as a student, with little goals and not so impressive achievements. I only intended to study Japanese, to allow myself being more confident by speaking the language more fluently. It took some times, too. I just realized then that I did not only have troubles in learning language, but in learning about myself also.

I finished Japanese Language School in 2 years, great. But what so not great was, I still felt as an outcast. I felt unwanted, somehow. Even though my homeroom teacher asked me to pursue Master Degree, I felt that he doubted me a lot. But I followed his instructions, as well as doing my own research, I got into the university without failing.

And then I graduated the Master Degree in 2 years, awesome. The degree that I never intended to pursue and extending my stay in Japan, I couldn't believe myself, either. Back to my emotions, I felt empty again and question myself: What now? If I went home, I didn't think I had anything left at home and I was already over 30 at that time. But if I continued, what did I have and deserved to continue here?

I finally got a job after 1 year of job hunting. I actually gave up in the end, because my visa was going to expire in 3 months. But my brother told me that, whenever there is a chance, just take it without thinking too hard. I heard a job vacancy from an old friend and eventually tried going for it, even though I didn't think I had the requirements in social skills.

Eventually, I got my social skills honed up in this company. And looking back, I am already 4 years being employed. It came to me that there were so many changes in me happened in the last 4 years. I would say, the biggest change I had was when Puma came to my life. He adopted me and he taught me to be more patient and caring.

I also got support from the people around me. They were also being kind to me, letting me know that I can count on them any time. I guess, knowing that people need me and vice-versa gives the change in people's heart. I used to be so cold, colder than ice. I treated people without caring for their emotions and people would treat me back in the same way. Even I didn't treat myself warm enough.

I didn't know know what it was to love myself, to be myself. All I knew was if I please people, I would be able to avoid conflicts. I also didn't know what I really wanted in my life, felt like no originality at all.

But, then I started to open up to myself. Forcing myself to leave the comfort zone a little and be braver to embrace whatever was coming towards me. Also, finding the right people to talk about your insecurities and not being judged or even compared to is very important. I used to be afraid of losing some people when I was already being dependent on them. But if at certain points I knew it was going to make me less happier when I'm not happy already, then I should let go and give some space. If the person was meant to be with us, so be it. If they don't, so be it. Because I think I would be the same to anyone else.

So, for the last 9 years living abroad by myself, I have been learning a lot. Nothing comes instantly, everything needs a process. Whether it's the way I look upon myself or the way I think towards other people. Some people deserve to be waited for, some people deserve to be left for right away. Try to be patient but it is okay to express emotions at times.

[writer-by-the-sea]

I don't mind being off anon for this, but I would like the ability to confide in you, Eliott, if I may. I was accepted into my dream university on an (almost) full-ride scholarship. 90% of my tuition is paid for by the school. I'll be majoring in Chemistry to pursue a career in forensic toxicology, and minoring in vocal performance since I cannot stay away from singing and have been unable to for the past 12 years of my life haha. Anyways; since I'm making the transition from high school to college this fall, my parents do not seem one iota proud nor supportive of my decision to attend that college. I have only heard complaints from them, being told I shouldn't go because it's a waste of money, etc... you think of something and I have probably had it said to my face. I worked my ARSE off to get into this school let alone seize the scholarship. the tuition without that scholarship is $200,000+ FOR FOUR YEARS. and I'm doing a Master’s degree in one setting instead of a bachelor's degree, which is also covered by the school. My home life isn't the best, my boyfriend, peers, teachers, coworkers, etc are telling me that what I did is monumental but it truly feels diminished because of my parents' reactions. I just want them to be proud of me. I'd just like some validation and encouragement that I'm doing the right thing for myself basically, or any words of encouragement you have to offer.

Your parents sound similar to my own.

Unsupportive, negative, never there for you, never there to celebrate your wins or to comfort you in your downfalls.

The greatest advice you'll ever learn, is to believe in yourself and never let anyone hold you back.

I may be projecting here, but I'm assuming your parents are jealous of your success and are lashing out because of it. Please don't let them put you down over such an achievement. And don't, for even a second, think that you don't deserve it.

It's going to be hard, extremely hard and very taxing, to pursue a master's -- and it will be worth every blood, swear, and tear.

Another snippet of advice, prepare yourself to receive zero help from them. Apply for that 10% amount of loans ASAP because you WILL need all of their income / tax information in order to apply and they WILL put up a fight. Honestly, consider buying discount notebooks after every holiday and use those throughout the year.

Be proud of yourself and keep pushing forward. Your parents will either come to learn and accept your wins, or they will continue to diminish them.

You're doing great already. Keep it up.

[essektheylyss]

Hiya Megs! 19, 24 and/or 36 for the weird writing ask game? 💜

Hiya Jess! Oh man, these are some meaty ones haha, this got longer than anticipated:

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

This is a joke but it is also 100% true: 9/11 is the reason I'm a writer. One of the first grade teachers was in the reserves, got called for duty the week after, and a sub replaced her for the rest of that year. That sub was so great that she then got hired as the third grade teacher whose class I was in. The way she structured her writing lessons was that we had a certain number of assignments every month in specific formats (news reports, magazine articles, poems, short stories, essays), and then you got to pick whatever other formats you wanted to write, and we got an hour a day to write whichever we felt like working on at the time. You had to do the assigned ones for the month of course, but there were no requirements for subjects and you got to pick whatever else you wanted. Genuinely the best writing class I have ever been in, and I have a writing degree. (Thinking about it, this might be why I'm so prone to format hopping, lol.)

I think it's going well! I've got a poem being published this summer! I have a short story in second round consideration right now (fingers crossed lol)! I finished edits on an essay last week! I should definitely be working on a book! I did spend a long time thinking I was only going to be able to work in one format or genre and I've recently been more hopeful that that won't be the case, which is very exciting.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

I don't do a ton of prep, but I need a general guide to follow, and I can't start writing unless I have the major plot beats plotted out. I tend to fall back on my tv writing training in that I lay out where the largest beats are based on a loose act structure, and then do more specific scene outlines once I get to the next section. (So for example, I started the tiefic with the rough end of each set of 5 chapters planned, and have then nailed down what's in each more as I've gotten to them.) If I try to do more outline than that, I will feel too constricted and get irritated.

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice…what do you Know?

Please see the aforementioned writing degree; I don't know anything.

In all seriousness, I have taken a pretty extreme 'jack of all trades, master of none' approach to life, so I've studied and read a lot of different fields and I'm decent at noticing how things fit together enough that I'm real good at faking it. I think it helps that I love listening to people talk about stuff they're very knowledgeable in, and I believe that if someone's taking the time to explain something, the least I can do is make sure I've understood what they want me to take away from it.

#thank you for the ask!!! <3 #ask game #long post #if anyone's actually filtering that lol #but yeah my college transcript is like. here's a list of like. every possible subject in the humanities #honestly as is my bookshelf. ridiculous. I need to be stopped.

[emptymanuscript]

Sweet jesus... I'm watching this video right now by a psychologist talking about the experience of being a gifted child and it is RESONATING.

What's really particularly catching my attention right now, about a third of the way through, is the negative feedback loop about putting in the same amount of effort and getting worse results.

And I can point right to that in my own life.

I am particularly thinking of experiences that I think happened about a year apart.

In 9th grade English I had Mrs. Harper. Mrs. Harper was one of my favorite teachers in high school. Tiny little alkie who had soooo had it with us little shits and all our BS. I think she retired two or three years after I graduated XD because she finally just couldn't take these bad kids anymore XD. :/ I think she died a couple of years after I graduated college :/ tell the teachers you like that they're important while you can, I guess.

But she was the first teacher to ever fail me on any kind of test outside of STEM classes. And I was just devastated. I had read the book. I had read the notes. I was even interested and enjoyed the reading. And I told her: I studied.

She said she knew I had. She could tell I had done the work. She just taught High School, so the standard was higher. I had to do more than simply show I had done the work. Now I needed to extrapolate new stuff of my own that I hadn't been already given. But now I knew what the new standard was and she was sure I could work harder to meet it the next time and get better grades going forward. One F wasn't the end of the world, it was simply a guide post to how I needed to adjust. Just treat it like a tool to look for the sorts of thinking I needed to do.

And you better believe that was the only test I didn't pass for any class I ever took with Mrs. Harper. I was an A student for her because she told me exactly what I needed to do to meet her standards. She never expressed any doubt that I was capable of it or that I had done something wrong. Just, ok, you've reached this level, I see that, I believe you, I trust you, I just want more. Let's go for the next level. You can do it.

She got me. And she gave me what I needed. And how much I liked Mrs. Harper was something of a running joke because I appreciated that so much. She never let me slack but she was very consistent and clear once I understood what she was saying. Her grades always made perfect sense. Her behavior was consistent from the first to the last time I saw her.

I don't want to imply by contrast that Mrs. Surdaki was not a good teacher. Or that she didn't understand kids. I liked Mrs. Surdaki fine. I would even put her above average. And I feel like she did her best. Had a good heart. No general, abstract complaints. It's simply that she gave me the exact opposite of what I needed when I needed it.

I had her for history the following year. And she gave us the biggest term paper that any of us had ever gotten up to that point. And she let us have a lot of leeway in the topic. So I got to pick what I felt was very important to me and it motivated me to go the extra mile. I feel it is relevant to point out that I recycled parts of that paper multiple times, including in college, to get A's. So, from that perspective, you can say she actually provoked the best in me.

She gave me a B-.

I wasn't devastated. I was furious. I had worked my butt off on that paper. In my opinion, it was an A+ paper, and this was plain unfair. Again, while I never exactly recycled that paper in full, I did reuse a lot of it and got A's. In college. I now have a Masters degree in teaching my field. It may not have been an A+ paper but I am actually angrier in retrospect than I was at the time. The grade she gave me was exactly what you should not do to a student from everything that I've learned about education.

So I demanded to know what was wrong with it. Why had I gotten a B- for that work?

And she said it was because she knew I could do better. She knew I hadn't done the very best I was capable of. She wanted me to exert more effort. And she had graded me according to that disappointment in my effort versus my potential.

The problem is that Mrs. Surdaki was absolutely 100% wrong. I put more effort into that paper - because I was able to choose what I really cared about and was deeply important to me - than I had done for any other paper before. Or afterwards for the rest of high school. Not just because of the level expected from the paper - I should also note that I was never asked in college to write a paper that long - but because I cared and wanted to do a good job. I had, in fact, exceeded myself.

She hadn't raised the bar on me like Mrs. Harper had with a new standard I simply hadn't yet understood. She had pulled the rug out from under me. What she had told me, without intending to, was that the expectations were arbitrary. They were what she wanted them to be. And what she wanted from me was more. Not a specific more but an abstract, oh, you're really gifted, I know you can do something amazing but you didn't wow me, so down your grade goes.

Who thinks I tried hard again for Mrs. Surdaki?

Again, didn't particularly dislike her. If anything I did like her. She was fun. Young and not yet jaded by us evil little hellions. Easy to get along with if you didn't actually try to cause shit.

And I got perfectly fine grades. If I recall correctly I passed her class with a solid B. Because I stopped trying and she eventually decided that she had been wrong and nope, I couldn't actually do better. So: whatever. And we both just coasted through History.

While Mrs. Harper and Mrs. Surdaki were the first. They certainly weren't the last experiences of those dynamics. People who challenged me AND gave me the tools to meet those challenges, got my best efforts. Not just my intellect but all my people pleasing and my desire to excel. People who just made it tough, fuck 'em. I don't need 'em. I'll sail through or give them the kiss off because I know I can't trust them.

It's the difference between looking at the evidence and coming to a conclusion (good) and having a conclusion for which you find evidence (bad). They might look the same on the surface but one is patently bullshit.

Unfortunately, the outcome also taught me a pattern. That I can get away with the kiss off. All I have to be is pleasant. Don't rock the boat and the bare minimum will do. What Mrs. Surdaki accidentally taught me was that most people don't know what they think they know about other people. People just guess. And if they're wrong, well, no skin off their back. Who cares, really. So she also accidentally taught me not to try until someone proved they were worth the effort and insightful enough to be trustworthy. A test that most people fail because it's easy to fail and most people don't even realize they're on the spot.

The end result: Mrs. Surdaki's conclusion was a self fulfilling prophecy that caused what she wanted to nip in the bud. Not really her fault. Certainly not her intent. Just the lesson I took.

So it goes.

It's just that I need to change that behavior now.

#just my life #gifted child #eternal burnout #I know no one else cares #just feels important to me #and I am incapable of shutting up #brevity is beyond my current skill level #I need a lot of improvement

[icherishyou]

tue, 19 dec 2023

the day flies so fast... 11 more days to go, and we will be in 2024.

I'm still processing how far my 2023 has been running. I had nothing to dream about but to finish my master's degree on the first day of 2023. experiencing how much struggle I had during my master's degree, and I was at the edge of my semester, I just wished to finish it, and I fought it until my last breath. Alhamdulillah I fulfill one of my dreams in vision board.

actually, there were a lot of dreams I wrote on my vision board. but since my main goal is to finish my thesis, I just went for it half of the year, and the day I got it, it was the happiest day in my life for that year. like, all of the struggles, dramas, depressions, all paid off.

after that day, everything that happened was just happiness or lessons. I'm so thankful to Allah, to make my heart stronger than ever through this process, to learn from every person I met virtually, physically, and fictionally to be a better person.

I think I'm accepted as a lecturer. something that is out of my reach, like I've never dreamt to be a lecturer or involved in the world of education. just as many things happened during 2023 which were out of my plan and just happened, I believe this is the step Allah wants me to take. Allah has managed all of the universe to work the way he wants and aligned with me.

I thought, since I've graduated, I could choose a career path I want: a digital marketer. it's still crystal clear, whenever people say I'm suitable for a teacher role, I'd say in my heart "I know myself, and this is the chance I can choose my own path, not by my parents, not by people around me". but it turns out I will be a lecturer soon. very very very soon.

it began with, my friend informed me about the vacancy, I applied, I went for the test and interview, then one of the human resources said "this usually takes a long time to process, but you have everything done in a day". and for the fourth round of interview, I just found out that the interviewer is my mom's friend dad. we are basically neighbors. and there was nothing serious during the interview, but having fun. even the human resource had to pick me up because I had an almost 2 hours interview that I think everyone knows I would be 100% accepted.

there is little sadness inside my heart like, do I give up on my own dream? do I just fulfil my parent's dream again? just some thoughts that lead me into nothing but sadness. my parents are both extremely happy because this is what they really want. but I just want to take those thoughts aside because Allah has made everything easy for me. I know Allah gives this for a reason that I haven't discovered yet, and I am just out of my comfort zone.

there is one reason that I hyphotesiscally think why, may be because Allah wants me to use my full capacity of knowledge and ability. because previously I really considered working in an administration or writing field only which needs less capability of suffering (I don't mean to underestimate those jobs but I'm happy doing administration and writing).

I know I will survive even though the salary is not that big. I'm being naive here, but I have to handle this and I will find a way to earn more money. this is just how Sri Ningsih (a fictional character from the book I just finished reading) is supposed to think. we just need to be more recourfull.

may Allah always guide me to His way, and I hope this is a good decision I take. Amin...

[sarcasticlilkid]

if god up there really exist, please help me pass this freaking exam tomorrow. amen. 

#i'm so done #i can't even function anymore i'm in constant stress #i feel sick most of the time and my heart keeps beating like i'm runing a freaking marathon #i just wanna drop out and go to nursing school rn but i have done like 2/3 of exams that i must do do get a degree #to* #but after degree i need masters degree for being a teacher and i don't believe that i can do it #i mean if i don't pass this tomorrow is over tbh #ugh #personal #i just need to rant somewhere #what was i thinking when i aplied to slovene and comparative literature studies? like wtf mojca

[kawaiikatchi]

I Need To Talk About This...

Something that really got to me after watching episode 7, besides the rain scene at the end, was just how much this episode solidified not only how much Langa and Reki need each other, but also how much they don't want to lose one another.

The writers had already foreshadowed that Reki's biggest conflict would be that he's afraid of Langa leaving him behind because he doesn't feel like he's as good as him, and that Langa's biggest conflict would be that due to his ability to pick up skateboarding so quickly, he's constantly trying to challenge himself with more and more dangerous moves. However, despite being close friends, the two boys still haven't truly realized how much they needed the other to be able to skate not only efficiently, but safely.

In the case of Langa, he was already attempting things that would seem risky to any skateboarding professional when he taped his feet down to the board during his first time skating. To Langa, this method made it easier for him to handle the skateboard in a way that reminded him of snowboarding, but would he have been able to beat Miya or Adam if he had stuck to that strategy? Which is why he needs Reki, who has been skateboarding a lot longer than him, and has seen and experiened first hand how skating can lead to serious injuries if not done correctly. Langa needs someone like Reki to push him to be greater, like when he taught him how to do an ollie, just as much as he needs Reki to be there to tell him to slow down when going down a hill.

I think this episode really did show that despite Langa being very gifted, and possessing the capability to pick up a skill rather quickly, he still has a lot to learn when it comes to knowing the fundamentals of skating. Although his snowboarding skills have carried him this far, attempting to imitate a seasoned pro without first getting down the basics and gaining that experience that only comes with time, could cause an unnecessary accident to occur.

On the other hand, it's plain to see how much Langa values Reki in his life. When Reki was on his way to school and skated past Langa without a single word, the raw panic on his face was truly infectious. Langa cherishes Reki not only as the one who inspired him to start skateboarding, or the one who crafted a board that was specific to his needs, but as the first friend he made after moving to an unfamiliar place.

Then, there is the case of Reki. As we saw highlighted in this episode, Reki really hasn't been shown in the best light when it comes to his skateboarding skills thus far. He has the fundamentals down, which is why he made such a good teacher for Langa. However, with the two onscreen loses that he has as of episode 7, paired with the fact that Reki's first onscreen loss was followed up by Langa's first onscreen win (when at this point he didn't know anything about skateboarding), the show keeps drawing comparisons to how much more Langa has succeeded in his skating career than Reki.

When it comes to Reki's envy towards Langa, I find it interesting how their story heavily mirrors what happened to Miya and his old group of friends. In both situations, the prospect of fame caused these friends to become distant due to their fear of being inadequate. It makes me wonder if, in a future episode, Miya will notice Reki's new behavior towards Langa, and warn him not to let his own insecurities ruin their friendship.

Getting back on topic, despite the jealousy that Reki has started to feel towards his friend, Langa has inspired Reki just as much as Reki had inspired Langa. I think Reki knew to a degree, that his skills had started to stagnate (like how he said that he sucks at skateboarding in episode 1), but because of the arrival of Langa, it made him have to reevaluate his skateboarding abilities, so that he could still be seen as someone worthy for Langa to look up to, and so he wouldn't lose another friend because of skateboarding (although this time it would be due to Reki feeling as though he was left behind by Langa, and not Reki having to leave his old friend behind because of his injuries damaging his determination to skateboard).

We see that Reki is capable to learn new moves, such as when he races against Adam, but his undoing might be that he believes that just because he doesn't master a technique as fast as Langa, that means he isn't as good as him. You can tell, though, that Reki's relationship with Langa has reminded him how fun it is to share a passion with someone close to you, and after what happened with his last closest friend, having Langa around really means a lot to him.

The point that I am trying to make after writing this post that has gotten a lot longer than I originally planned it to be, is that Langa and Reki both have traits that the other needs if they want to be better skaters, which only makes them stronger when they are together. They have an unbreakable bond, to where many characters have see the two as inseparable in their everyday lives. Langa needs Reki to be there to help him not get himself hurt as a result of his inexperience, and Reki needs Langa to act as a friendly rival to motivate him to go beyond his preconceived limits.

Did I just write a TEDTalk? Yes. Yes I did.

Am I getting payed for this? You tell me.

#reki x langa #sk8 the infinity #sk8 anime #sk8 #sk8 renga #sk8 reki #sk8 langa #sk8 miya

[jerzwriter]

Can you tell us how Casey feels about money? And how does she feel about sex? I know crap happened yesterday so I understand if you think this is shade and don't answer it. The only reason I ask is I love Casey and I want to learn more so I understand better and maybe others understand it at all.

Hi Nonny,

I sat on this one for a bit for exactly the reasons you state. I thank you for being forthcoming or I likely wouldn't have answered. And, while I don't think I need to defend my MC against the utter bullshit spewed yesterday, I don't think clarifying is a bad thing.

More below...

Money:

Casey is not about money. She hates the way the US healthcare system is centered around money and would prefer a not-for-profit model; she firmly believes the for-profit model corrupts it from the start and instantly values the lives of the wealthy above those of the poor and, in her eyes, all people are equal.

Personally, she comes from a humble background. Her family was lower-middle class during her childhood years, and they went bankrupt after her mother became ill. Her Dad was a schoolteacher and working on his master's. Eventually, he became a high school principal and their financial situation stabilized a bit, but they were still very paycheck to paycheck until Casey was an adult.

Her mother was a pre-school teacher but was out of work most of Casey's childhood due to her illness. She wrote children's books and had moderate success, but it wasn't very lucrative. Once her health improved, she also went back to school to earn her bachelor's degree in English, and eventually, she became an editor.

Casey grew up in a neighborhood some would consider rough in Philadelphia, and she really loved it there despite some of the problems it had. Her family scrimped and saved, her dad working two jobs, so they could move to a more affluent suburb so Casey could attend a better high school, and academically it was wonderful, but she was never happy there.

As an adult, she's not comfortable with the wealth that surrounds her (in both Ethan and Tobias universes) and insists on giving back as much as possible. She learns that it's OK to enjoy some of the benefits of having money, but she always gives back.

In E/C universe, she eventually leaves Edenbrook to begin non-profit healthcare clinics in Boston, eventually expanding them to her hometown of Philadelphia and Ethan's hometown of Province. When Ethan offers to pay off her student loans she balks and will not have it. He has to convince her that, as a soon-to-be-married couple they are a team now and they will work together to do everything, including paying off her debt.

In T/C universe, I HC Tobias is from an old-money family from Washington, DC. From the beginning, he tells her to relax and enjoy it, but it's not an easy thing for her to do. As in E/C world, once they are married she is like "We are giving a lot of this away bro, we can live quite well, our kids can live quite well, and this money can be helping others in need all at the same time."

In DTI, when she ends up (out of necessity) living with Tobias (as a friend, at first) he insists she doesn't have to contribute, he has plenty of money and she's still a resident and does not, and she insists that she is not doing that.

So, no, Casey is as far from a "gold-digger" as you can get.

Sexually:

First, Casey is bisexual. Unless you read into the character and her background, it's not widely known because her pairings happen to be with men which makes her no less bisexual. She has had relationships with women in the past and, as I write her history, we'll learn more about when she came to realize she was bisexual and we will meet one of her girlfriends, Jessica, whom she could have been a lifelong thing, but the timing was not right.

Beyond that, she views sex as a normal, healthy expression and sees the taboos surrounding it as mostly misogynistic mores created for the benefit of men. She feels that anything two consenting adults want to do that does not hurt others is their business and no one has a right to stick their nose into it.

She has a healthy sexual appetite and she is more than happy to be explorative. She is not, nor has she ever been, promiscuous, but she doesn't judge others for dancing to their own tune on this. Again, as long as everyone is upfront with each other. While she has had one or two "friends with benefits" situations, including Bryce, it's not her norm. Usually, she is in a monogamous relationship and she has never cheated and abhors people who do. NOT EVEN IN MY LOVE TRIANGLE DOES SHE CHEAT. In canon (and in my HC), she has a FWB relationship with Bryce, but she calls the benefits part off as soon as she realizes she has real feelings for Ethan even though she is not with Ethan, nor does she believe she will be with Ethan, at the time. Because she just finds it morally wrong for her to be with one person in that manner when she knows she is falling in love with someone else.

Ethan and Casey have a great sex life. They try to enjoy each other as often as possible. Sometimes it's playful, sometimes it's loving and tender, and sometimes it's a little kinky. They're open with each other as to what they'd like to try and this is just one part of their relationship. It's one form of the love they share with each other, it's an expression of their love even when it's not the loving/tender variety.

Tobias and Casey are the same but on speed. Someone once asked if this makes their relationship "lesser" and the answer is an emphatic NO. Their relationship developed differently, and it started with an insanely strong physical attraction to one another (which, for one reason or another, they didn't get to give into for a long while). But in time, they came to understand it wasn't just a physical attraction, it was a bond that just existed between them from the start. Again, all that can be said about E/C applies here, but they're almost insatiable. Part of it is because this is the first time in his adult life that he feels this strongly about someone and he simply cannot get enough of her.

Newsflash... studies show that couples with satisfying sex lives tend to have happier/healthier relationships. And both of these pairings start "complicated" but develop into loving/happy/lifelong relationships.

So, no, Casey is also not a "slut" nor would she allow anyone to use that word about anyone else.

So, that's Casey. Personally, I think she's awesome. :) Thanks for this ask, and being upfront about it, Nonny!

@liaromancewriter

#casey mactavish #casey mactavish asks #my mc

[catsandnotes]

I don't know where to start.

My undergraduate degree is an extremely generic Humanities discipline. Following upper year Humanities students' idea of simply applying to Law School out of "I don't know what to do after graduation", I decided "why not?". My mother, who wanted to apply to law school after her undergraduate studies but my grandmother prevented her from doing so due to "being abroad for way too long", also thought law would be a solid career path and since I was reading and analyzing texts in the Humanities anyway, isn't law school just the same, but used it a more practical sense for the job market.

I applied to several law schools, with the intention of doing a double masters in law (a Juris Doctor) plus another discipline. These were specially made combined programs to allow students a shorter amount of time to complete 2 Master degrees. But honestly, I only preferred the other Master degree, I had this dreading feeling lugging at me, telling me law was not the right path for me.

I think I knew so well in myself about that decision. I told people since young that I never wanted to be a lawyer or a judge (even though TV and movies made them seem exciting and fulfilling). I knew just as well, that Law School was not meant for me as I typed into Google searches that I was doubting my decision to apply, advice from people that attended Law school and changed careers or just hated it. I was trying to find ways to hate it, but I was too afraid to tell my own overachieving mother that I did not want to apply.

Actually, I did tell her, only she didn't believe me because I couldn't give a good answer. I don't know why I didn't want to go, all I knew was that my heart was telling me "no!". I mentioned that the job market wasn't well for lawyers, and she bounced back that I didn't want to be a lawyer anyway, so that excuse doesn't apply to me, adding on the fact that a JD will open me to many opportunities, even allowing me to write contracts and policies at the comfort of my own home. Truthfully, that did not appeal to me at all. It sounded like such a boring job. I wanted a job that allowed me to travel, not 9-5 based, or at least interact with people of various professions, ideas, team work. I wanted to do something hands-on, not use my brain power all the time while sitting in a stuffy office alone.

My GPA isn't all that great, it's average, but not outstanding enough to be competitive for something like Law School. My LSATs did improve each time, but only by a little bit, and all those marks were hardly competitive. My personal statement wasn't any better, I didn't have the same passion, love, or drive that I saw in other applicants. I just knew it wasn't for me.

I was hoping, all this time, that I would receive a rejection letter. That's right, I applied to a program, paid too much money for application fees, bothered professors and teachers for references, all hoping that I'd receive a rejection letter. Today, March 15, 2022 at 4:49pm, I finally received a letter from one of the law schools I applied to, with a rejection letter. The relief I felt when I saw that. The weight lifted off my shoulder. I felt so great that I did not have to contemplate whether or not I wanted to pursue a double masters, or give up my preferred master program for one I preferred less. My mother can't do anything either as I can't choose when I got rejected.

That is to say, I'm glad I get to solely focus on my preferred Master program instead. Law is difficult, and I do not think I am a good fit, much less the passion for social change that I see is common in North American law students. I was admitted into my preferred program early on, and I'm so glad I got into that program.

I'm just relieved that I don't have to study something mundane to me again, like my 4-year undergraduate degree. It's exhausting, and I need a change to do something different academically, and for my career.

#university #application #law school #graduate student #mixed feelings

[qualityshoellamabat]

In this Pandemic, all of us was suffering when it comes to education. We are experiencing struggles about learning and how do we passed our grades when it is online.

We don't know what will happen to our grades for the following days. We must not make fun to the pandemic we experience in these days.

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I woke up an hour late Wednesday morning, and by the time I had thrown on a sweatshirt, prepared my glass of Emergen-C, and logged onto Zoom, my class had been going on for 15 minutes. The night before I had taken cough syrup for my seasonal cold, and this was the first day my school switched to virtual instruction. Over the course of the three-hour workshop, I noticed my puffy eyes on the panel of faces and became self-conscious. I turned off my video. I became distracted with the noise of sirens outside and muted my speaker, only to then realize: by the time you’re done muting-and-unmuting, the right moment to join the conversation has already passed. I found myself texting on my computer, stepping away to make coffee, running to the bathroom, writing a couple e-mails, and staring at my classmate’s dog in one of the video panels. I don’t think my experience is unique; I imagined similar situations playing out in virtual offices and classrooms across the world.

In the aftermath of the World Health Organization’s designation of the novel coronavirus as a pandemic on March 11, universities across America are shutting down in an attempt to slow its spread. On March 6, the University of Washington took the lead, canceling all in-person classes, with a wave of universities across the country following suit: University of California, Berkeley, U.C., San Diego, Stanford, Rice, Harvard, Columbia, Barnard, N.Y.U, Princeton and Duke, among many others.

This shift into virtual classrooms is the culmination of the past weeks’ efforts to prevent COVID-19 from entering university populations and spreading to local communities: cancellation of university-funded international travel for conferences, blanket bans on any international travel for spring break, canceling study-abroad programs, creating registration systems for any domestic travel.

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Columbia University, which I now attend virtually, moved all classes online starting on March 11. The following morning, president Bollinger declared that classes would be held virtually for the remainder of the school year, and suspended all university-related travel; both international and domestic. The pandemic has affected over 114 countries, killing over 4,000 and shows no sign of abating, leading to chaos in university administration and among students. I find myself obsessing over my family in Japan, especially my mother, whose lung cancer puts her at particular risk. Cancellations are affecting future students as well—admitted students’ events, open houses, and campus tours are all being canceled to minimize contagion.

The quick turn to platforms like Zoom is disrupting curricula, particularly for professors less equipped to navigate the internet and the particularities of managing a classroom mediated by a screen and microphone. I had professors cancel class because they had technical difficulties, trouble with WiFi, or were simply panicked over the prospect of teaching the full class over the new platform. With university IT services focusing efforts on providing professors with how-to webinars on using online platforms, individual student needs for these same services have been placed on hold.

While the initial shift online has created a flurry of chaos, there are benefits to a virtual classroom. Especially in a place like New York, students can continue participating in discussion sections and lectures without riding the subway for an hour, avoiding the anxiety of using public transit or being in other incubators like classrooms, public bathrooms and cafeterias. Students can “sit in” on a class while nursing a common cold or allergies that come with the season, but which can make students a target of serious threats or violence—particularly racialized harassment for Asians. I have found immense relief in not having to pay for Lyfts to campus, avoiding side-eyes for my runny nose or using the little remaining hand sanitizer I have left after holding subway poles. In some situations, online teaching may not even affect student behavior or learning. Studies have shown that medical students learn and perform equally in live versus recorded lectures, and these results are reassuring at a time like the COVID-19 outbreak.

However, the reality is that some subjects are much harder to transfer online. A biochemistry or introductory economics lecture is easier to teach virtually than a music or dance class. The creation of a film or theatrical production requires physical bodies in close proximity. Even in my creative writing workshop, responding to a colleagues’ memoir about her mother’s death is hard to do without looking her in the eye. The screen creates an emotional remove that makes it difficult to have back-and-forth dialogue between multiple people, and it’s almost impossible to provide thoughtful feedback without feeling like you’re speaking into a void.

Over the last few decades, online learning in higher education has been studied extensively. Online MBA programs are on the rise, perhaps unsurprising for a field that often requires virtual conferencing and remote collaboration. Universities now offer online master’s programs to accommodate full-time work and long commutes, or to circumvent the financial barriers of moving to a new location with family. Online bachelor’s degrees are offered by a growing number of schools: Ohio State, University of Illinois Chicago, University of Florida, Arizona State, Penn State and many more. The benefits are the same: classes can be taken anywhere, lack of commute offers more time for studying or external commitments, and the structure is more welcoming to students with physical disability or illness. And yet, online learning hasn’t threatened the traditional model of in-person learning.

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A large part of this can be attributed to accountability. Online classes require significantly more motivation and attention. I found it difficult to focus on a pixelated video screen when I could browse the internet on my computer, text on my phone, watch TV in the background, have one hand in the pantry, or just lay comfortably in my bed. The problem, too, is that webinar technology doesn’t quite live up to the hype. Noise and feedback—rustling papers, ambulances, kettles, wind—make it impossible to hear people talk, and so everyone is asked to mute their microphones.

But muting your audio means you can’t jump into a conversation quickly. The “raise hand” function often goes unnoticed by teachers and the chat box is distracting. Sometimes the gallery view just doesn’t work, so you’re stuck staring at your own face or just two of your eighteen classmates. It also means another hurdle for those who hesitate to speak up, even in the best of circumstances. It means you’re just one click away from turning off your camera and being totally off the hook. In an online class over the summer, I once watched a woman—who forgot her camera was still on, though she was muted—vacuum her entire kitchen and living room during a seminar.

In a recent New York Times article, columnist Kevin Roose wrote about his experience working from home while quarantined after COVID-19 exposure. Roose, once a remote worker, cites studies that suggest remote employees are more productive, taking shorter breaks and fewer sick days. But he also writes extensively about the isolation and lack of productivity he feels: “I’ve realized that I can’t be my best, most human self in sweatpants, pretending to pay attention on video conferences between trips to the fridge.” He notes that Steve Jobs, who was a firm believer in in-person collaboration and opposed remote work, once said, “Creativity comes from spontaneous meetings, from random discussions. You run into someone, you ask what they’re doing, you say ‘Wow,’ and soon you’re cooking up all sorts of ideas.”



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In educational settings, creativity is arguably one of the most important things at stake. The surprises and unexpected interactions fuel creativity—often a result of sitting in a room brushing shoulders with a classmate, running into professors in a bathroom line, or landing on ideas and insights that arise out of discomfort in the room. This unpredictability is often lost online.

In the essay “Sim Life,” from her book, Make It Scream, Make it Burn, Leslie Jamison writes about the shortcomings of virtual life: “So much of lived experience is composed of what lies beyond our agency and prediction, beyond our grasp, in missteps and unforeseen obstacles and the textures of imperfection: the grit and grain of a sidewalk with its cigarette butts and faint summer stench of garbage and taxi exhaust, the possibility of a rat scuttling from a pile of trash bags, the lilt and laughter of nearby strangers’ voices.”

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Classrooms offer these opportunities for riffs and surprise, and a large part of being a student is learning to deliver critique through uncomfortable eye contact, or negotiating a room full of voices and opinions that create friction with your own. When I Zoomed into class from my apartment, I missed being interrupted by classmates who complicated my ideas about a poem or short story. I missed being in workshop and bouncing ideas off of each other to find the best structure for a piece. I missed handwritten critiques, and felt limited in Word: no check pluses, no smiley faces, “Wow” feels flat when it’s not handwritten in the margins, and "Great" feels sarcastic in 10-point Calibri. I was frustrated that I could sleep in because online class meant I could wake up five minutes before class and pretend like I’d been ready all morning.

The COVID-19 pandemic will likely continue presenting challenges beyond those that come up in the course of routine virtual education. Even if this viral spread subsides, or a vaccination becomes readily available, the shift from online classes back to in-person learning may create disruptions of its own—adjusting back to higher standards of accountability, weaning off of phone-checking habits, and transferring comments back to hard copies instead of digital notes. Hopefully, these phases of trouble shooting can provide universities, professors and students the opportunity to practice adaptability, patience and resilience. And hopefully, these experiences will serve as preparation for future challenges that come with the next epidemic, pandemic and other disaster.

For now, I am trying to not look at myself in the gallery of faces, stop being distracted by my expressions, resisting the impulses to check my phone or e-mail, or at least recognize these urges when they arise.

#education

[healthyilla-blog]

If you're reading this now, you're probably within  for a heart-thumping, blood-pumping, balls-to-the-wall workout. And, friend, we have got you covered. We're all about helping you get sweaty in pursuit of your goals, whether meaning getting stronger, hitting a replacement PR, or losing weight. But let's be real for a second here: The tricky thing about weight-loss workouts is that they are kinda, sorta... a myth. aren't getting me wrong—if you're trying to reduce , a solid exercise regimen should be a part of your plan.

Here's the thing: Exercising isn't enough on its own for weight loss. There are different aspects that goes into weight loss and body fat loss; actually, exercise isn't even technically necessary in many cases. If you would like to lose weight—and it's very cool if you are doing and totally cool if you don't—adopting healthy eating habits possesses to be step numero uno. to urge technical, you would like to make a calorie deficit, which suggests using more calories during a day than you consume—and the consumption part plays a way bigger role therein than burning calories within the gym, or while carrying your groceries home, or any of the opposite myriad ways you set your muscles to figure every day . Other lifestyle habits, like sleep and stress management, and health conditions (think thyroid issues, to call only one of many) also affect your weight. Point is, weight loss may be a complicated and very personal journey that does not look or work the precise same way from one person to subsequent.

And before we get into it any longer, I'd be remiss to not means another really important detail here: Weight loss isn't for everybody . for a few people, it's actually much healthier to ignore your weight altogether, or never believe calories, or specialize in literally anything. That's very true if you've got a history of disordered eating; if that's you, you ought to ask your doctor before trying any weight-loss plan in the least. In fact, albeit you do not have a history of disordered eating you ought to ask a doctor about losing weight in a healthy way.

And once you've done all that, there are some additional belongings you should realize workouts and weight loss.

First, here are some very basic items you ought to know before you start an exercise regimen for weight loss.

Your food choices—how you fuel your body—are even more important than your workout choices. I covered this above, but it's worth reiterating: Healthy eating habits are even more important than your exercise routine if your goal is to ascertain lasting changes in your body composition.

Exercise should become a part of your routine in a meaningful way. so as to ascertain results, hitting the elliptical for a half-hour while you catch up with the Kardashians once every week just isn't getting to cut it. Instead, aim for 3 workouts if you're just stepping into a routine again, or five to 6 sessions if you have been at it for a short time, says Holly Rilinger, a Nike master trainer, master Flywheel instructor, and star of Bravo's compute ny. "And confine mind that rest is vital to reset mentally, physically, and emotionally, so confirm to create in a minimum of one full day of rest ."

you will need to push yourself in every workout you are doing. It's quite an enormous deal that you simply bring your A-game to every workout. "I'd rather see you doing balls-to-the-wall workouts 3 times every week than see you give 50 percent for five days," says Rilinger. "Decide once you rehearse that door you're getting to provides it one hundred pc the whole time, and sign up throughout your workout with one simple question: am I able to give more?"

you will need to seek out a workout you genuinely enjoy if you've got any hope of sticking with it. "Finding a trainer or workout that creates you cheerful is really really important to weight loss," says Rilinger. once you enjoy doing it you will be more likely to stay with it. Below are 6 workouts that will assist you to reach your weight loss goal. If you've tried one among the classes here and there and didn't really like it, don't hand over on the game or practice altogether. you'll not have found a teacher you're keen on yet, which can make or break your goals.

Interval Training

The number one training method the experts address again and again for weight loss: interval training. What's that? "Any sort of exercise where your pulse spikes then comes down repeatedly," says Rilinger. This generally means going hard for a group interval of your time (hence the name), followed by active rest, then going hard again. That active recovery portion is vital. you would like to require it down a notch—OK, several notches—before ramping copy to a better intensity interval.

High-intensity interval training, or HIIT, is one among the various styles you'll do. Another popular one is indoor cycling, though this workout leans heavily toward cardio over strength training, Rilinger explains. She also notes that cycling requires you to use various muscles in your body—quads, hamstrings, glutes, and core, for starters—which once more translates to weight loss. "The more muscles you've got to include, the more calories you are going to burn because those muscles all require energy so as to figure," she says. "And the more energy you employ, the upper those calorie-burning numbers climb. It's all a cycle."

Try it: Here are 4 fat-burning stationary bike workouts that you simply might like. If you're more of a treadmill person, this 20-minute treadmill interval workout will kick your meddle the simplest way. And if you would like to skip the equipment altogether,

Weight Training

Consider weight training "the mother of all weight-loss techniques, the very best within the workout organic phenomenon, the highest of the column," says Rilinger. Resistance training, whether it's together with your bodyweight alone or with added weights, is an efficient method to assist build muscle and burn fat. Lifting weights has been shown to extend your resting rate, which suggests your body burns more calories even when you are not exercising. The effect isn't enormous, but building muscle means more muscle mass to churn through calories as you set about your day. Plus, more muscle means you'll go harder next time, increasing your weight, and return more out of every workout. Plus, if you're lifting at a high intensity, you get the added bonus of the "afterburn effect," which is when you've put down the weights but your body remains consumption extra energy.

Rilinger suggests adding weight training to your routine a minimum of 3 times every week. And since your body adjusts to workouts after being exposed to equivalent moves at an equivalent intensity, becoming less effective over time, she says to combine it up about every three weeks to stay your body guessing.

Try it: First, if you've never done it before, make certain to read these strength training tips for beginners before you start. And inspect this primer on the way to choose the proper weights for your workout.

Boot Camp

For a workout that's getting to keep your metabolism elevated, boot camp, as these classes (think Barry's Bootcamp) combine two of the foremost effective sorts of training: interval and resistance. "You'll perform exercises, some more cardio-focused et al. strength-focused, full-out for brief bursts of your time, including short periods of rest," says Adam Rosante, certified personal trainer and author of The 30-Second Body. But if it is your first time getting to a camp class, speak up. He says an honest instructor will assist you to determine once you got to crank up the load or intensity (tip: if you'll cruise through 10 reps with none trouble, it's too easy), keep your form on par, and may always provide modification for any move which may be too tough or irritates an injury. If you cannot make it to a studio, though, you'll virtually sweat it out with Rosante in his 20-minute C9 Challenge, or do this bodyweight-only 16-minute routine.

Boxing

"At its essence, boxing is basically another sort of interval training," explains Rosante. But it also causes you to feel freaking badass. Here's the trick to remember: it is a common mistake for beginners to punch using only their arm strength, but the bulk of your power goes to return from your core and you will use muscles that are typically ignored in other workouts (hey there, obliques).

Running

All you would like maybe a pair of sneakers before you head out the door. But if weight loss is that the name of your game, the lackadaisical head-out-for-a-light-jog sort of running is not the thanks to go. Instead, find a hill you'll sprint up, or crank the incline thereon treadmill. "Running up hills forces you to figure your glutes and legs—two of your body's biggest muscle groups—even more, which needs smaller muscle recruitment and more energy expenditure," explains Rosante. As noted earlier, the more energy you're using, the brighter that calorie-burning fire burns. But proper form here is vital. "Lean into Capitol Hill, and drive your knees as high as you'll, striking the ball of every foot down directly under your body," he says. "Keep your hands open and arms bent at 90 degrees, and drive your arms simple up to face level, then backward to the highest of your back pocket." and check out to not let your arms cross over your body—that'll just waste the valuable energy your muscles need. If you're training indoors, here are a couple of fat-burning treadmill routines to urge you started.

Try it: While this Covid-19 pandemic you can try this portable treadmill by healthyilla.com so that you don't miss your routine cardio

CrossFit

There's a reason CrossFit has become such a booming a part of the workout industry—it works,  as you do not overdo it. Workouts are varied—you could also be doing anything from kettlebell swings to rope climbs and box jumps to front squats—and the routines are designed to be short and intense. the foremost important thing to seek out when trying to find the box (CrossFit slang for "gym") that matches you best: a well-informed coach who can explain and modify the moves, and confirm that you simply don't push yourself to the purpose of injury. Here are a couple of things to stay in mind before every WOD,

#treadmill #exercise #workout #cardio #foldabletreadmill

[quicksilversquared]

A Musical Connection Ch. 6

In a world where soulmate bonds can range from a simple matching mark to timers to shared dreams, of course Adrien would get saddled with an inconvenient bond that keeps him from going out and living life- because whenever his soulmate sings, Adrien has to as well.

But the singing, as inconvenient as it is, presents another opportunity. Can Adrien use it to track down his soulmate?

(Ch 1)  (Ch 2)  (Ch 3)  (Ch. 4) (Ch. 5)

(AO3) (FF.net)

Adrien had not been in a particularly good mood for... well, a while. His soulmate had been singing more than usual as the semester started to draw to a close, resulting in a whole slew of canceled engagements on his end. There had been some that he hadn't been looking forward to that much- stuffy business meetings with the self-important company investors, mostly- but Adrien had been looking forward to some of the others.

Mostly because he was tired of being cooped up in the house with only Plagg for company most of the time, if he was being honest. Had he been allowed to skip those very same events only a few years prior, Adrien probably would have cheered just because those "parties" weren't particularly interesting.

But at least they weren't set in his room. Adrien was tired of seeing the same four walls around him, day in and day out.

Thankfully, there was a spot of hope on the horizon. Adrien was still working with Max to figure out where his soulmate was performing, so he could maybe find her before the end of the semester. Hopefully in only a few short weeks, Adrien would get to celebrate the holidays with his soulmate at his side and with his friends around him.

Adrien was stuck mid-daydream about it- his soulmate would become instant friends with all of his friends, obviously, because Alya and Nino and Marinette were all so friendly and surely his soulmate would be as well, and then they would all celebrate the holidays into the night and share stories of their school years- when the buzzing of his phone startled him. Adrien scrambled for a moment, trying to figure out where he had put it. Plagg groaned loudly at his nap being interrupted, shoving the vibrating phone out from under a book at Adrien and promptly curling back up to go to sleep.

"I found it!" Max announced as soon as Adrien picked up the phone, accepting the video call. "The place where your soulmate is, I mean. Your soulmate is attending the university in Paris that we were looking at before. They're doing a production of Mary Poppins in a month, and they did Little Shop of Horrors earlier in the year, right when your soulmate was singing those songs."

Adrien perked up, pushing his Physics textbook away so he could give Max his undivided attention. "That's perfect! Should I call them to try to figure out what I should sit so I'm not disrupting the performance?"

"I already did. They had two suggestions." Max adjusted his glasses, pushing them up on his nose as he looked at his papers. "Option 1: Come on the audience sing-along night. Problem: The understudies are more likely to also be singing along, and the audience members would as well. You may have some difficulty figuring out who your soulmate is. I think that actors not involved in the scene might also join the audience in singing, even in songs they aren't in."

Adrien made a face. That sounded like far too many variables. Besides, what if Max was wrong and he burst out in song at the wrong time? "The other option?"

"Option 2: the lighting and sound booth. It's soundproof, and there would be one light tech and one sound person there, and they probably wouldn't be bothered by any impromptu duets."

The suggestion had Adrien grinning. "I like the sound of that."

"I also believe that that would be the best option. You would have arrive early, so people don't see you going in and complain about preferential treatment."

Adrien nodded. He had had to deal with people thinking that he got where he was due to his father far too often and while people did have a point when it came to his modelling, other times it was just unfair. He'd prefer to have to explain his situation to as few people as possible.

"It's been a while since I've been to a play," Plagg said once Adrien finished hashing out the details with Max and had hung up. "Is it a good one?"

"I think so," Adrien said, turning to his computer and searching the university. A few clicks, and he navigated to the page for the theater department. A colorful photo filled most of the page, an announcement about the musical and the run dates printed across the bottom. Adrien's eager eyes scanned the photo, wondering if one of the people pictured was his soulmate. It was mostly just featuring the main characters, though, so maybe not. He hoped that he would know soon enough. "If she's doing it, then it's definitely got to be good."

Plagg sniffed. "You haven't even met the girl and you're already a lovesick kitten. Pathetic."

"I'm just excited!" Adrien defended himself, already planning his outfit for his theater outing in his head. "What do you think she'll look like? I don't know anything about her, really, besides where she goes to school, and the fact that she likes musicals. And that she's a theater major, I suppose."

Plagg sniggered, clearly abandoning his nap in favor of bothering Adrien. "Maybe she has blue eyes and black hair. We all know that's your type, after all."

Adrien felt his cheeks flood with color. "I don't know what you're talking about."

The cackles from Plagg were louder now. "Uh-huh. Sure you don't."

"Liking Ladybug does not give me a type!" Besides, that had been ages ago. Adrien had long since accepted that he and Ladybug were destined to just be friends. "Just because she has blue eyes and dark hair doesn't mean that I automatically have a type."

"Uh-huh. And what about Marinette, hmm? She has blue eyes and dark hair too!"

Despite himself, Adrien's cheeks heated up. "She's one of my friends." Still, even if he would never admit it, he knew Plagg had a point. Marinette was the kind of person who Adrien likely would have gone out with, had the whole soulmates thing not existed and had he not been hung up on Ladybug for years. But he had never allowed himself to let his mind wander too far down that path.

It had taken him too long to get over Ladybug and really get around to accepting that they would just stay at the level of really good friends and nothing more. Falling for someone else all over again would just set him back, and that was not what he needed now, when his soulmate was so close.

Plagg just made a dismissive little noise and zipped off again. Adrien picked his phone up again and texted Nino the news, grinning as he did. Maybe his best friend could come with him to the performance as support. Nino had been dating Alya successfully for years now and would doubtless have some good advice for Adrien so that he wouldn't make a complete fool out of himself in front of his soulmate the first time they met.

Even though he knew he was going to be a ball of nerves, Adrien couldn't wait.

  Adrien arrived in the university theater a with excitement building steadily in his chest, dressed in a tidy green button-up and slacks. Once he explained his situation to the usher it didn't take long for him to get shuffled up to the lighting and sound booth, where he got parked on a chair among the mess of cords. Nino hadn't been able to come, but he had texted Adrien a whole list of tips beforehand, do's and don'ts and suggested icebreakers.

He was going to make a giant fool of himself, Adrien just knew it. Even with the tips, he was likely to go overboard with things and be ridiculously dramatic about it. That was just his default with he was nervous or jittery, and right now?

Adrien was both nervous and jittery, and very liable to start doing low bows and knuckle kisses once he met his soulmate.

"I didn't know there was such thing as a musical soulmate bond," the light tech said, already fiddling with a series of switches on a board. The sound tech, a quiet girl with glasses and a high ponytail, had retreated to her own section of the booth and closed the door between the sections without a word to Adrien. "That's cool."

"It's slightly inconvenient when I don't know when I'm going to burst out in song," Adrien admitted. Then he winced, realizing how ungrateful he was sounding about his soulmate. Anyone who didn't know exactly how much disruption the bond caused would likely jump to the wrong conclusions. He hastened to say something more positive. "When I'm at school or out in public, you know. But yeah, it's interesting and I've learned about a lot of cool musicals because of it. There's a lot of really fun songs, but I would prefer if the timing was a bit better."

Lights properly adjusted for the time being, the light tech leaned back in his own chair and glanced over at Adrien. "Oh, I had never thought about what a pain that might be. Did you get in a lot of trouble in school for singing when you were younger?"

Adrien shook his head. "It didn't start up until recently. I was maybe halfway into my first semester of university when the singing started, and I've been taking classes online ever since." He made a face. "It would be nice to get back into normal classes, though. Online isn't anywhere near as fun. I miss talking to people, and I can't really properly finish my science degree or start my Master's studies to become a teacher until I have the singing sorted out."

"Hopefully you'll be able to go back after this semester," Jason said. "And what a great holiday present, too, to find your soulmate."

Adrien's grin lit up his entire face, so wide his cheeks were hurting. "Yeah! That's what I'm hoping for. She might already have holiday plans, but I'm flexible, so maybe I could tag along with her. I've already got all of these plans for, like, dates to go on and everything. I'm just super excited."

Jason laughed. "I can tell. You're practically vibrating out of your chair. I've still got three years to go," he added, flashing his wrist at Adrien. 3Y 4M was printed in dark ink. "I'm happy to wait, just knowing that there's someone out there for me."

Their small talk continued until the show started. Adrien sat up straight, eyes focused on the stage as he waited for the telltale tickle in his throat. His excitement mounted as the house lights dimmed and went off, and the curtains parted.

Even though Adrien was nervous, he couldn't help but enjoy the first few minutes. The orchestra started- Adrien briefly wondered how in the world they could even see their music in the dim lighting- and the jack-of-all-trades Bert appeared onstage in a lone spotlight.

Not his soulmate, obviously.

The ball of nerves mounted as one character after another sang and there wasn't so much as a tickle in his throat. Adrien squinted at his program in the dim lighting of the light booth, mentally checking off each character after they sang, trying to figure out if there was anyone left who had yet to sing. The list of possibilities was growing steadily shorter with every passing scene.

...maybe it was someone in the ensemble? Adrien's breath was starting to feel tight in his throat as cast members swarmed around the stage, changing the set before the next scene started.

He couldn't be wrong. Max couldn't be wrong. This was literally their only lead. No other theater in the country had put on the same combination of shows. What were they meant to do if this, their only lead, didn't turn anything up?

But the ensemble sang, and the play continued on. But Adrien was barely listening, heart sunk into his toes.

Nothing. His dream of spending the holidays with his soulmate was going down the drain.

The light tech- Jason, he had told Adrien- eyed Adrien as the lights were raised for the halftime intermission. "No singing?"

Adrien shook his head morosely. "Nothing at all. We were positive that she was in this performance too, since she was singing stuff from the Little Shop of Horrors before, when you guys were doing that show."

"Understudy, then?" Jason suggested as he watched the audience filing out of the auditorium for snacks and bathroom breaks. "I'm not terribly familiar with a lot of the cast, so I don't know if there's any repeats from before." He frowned. "I thought understudies normally become part of the ensembles, though. Maybe I'm remembering things wrong."

"Has everyone sung at least once, do you know?" Adrien asked, flipping through the pages of his program. He had been marking off the main characters as they sang, but it was difficult to tell apart the background characters at times, especially from as far back as the light box. Now that the lights were on, he could look at the cast list more carefully. It still wasn't giving him any leads.

The other boy shrugged. "Probably? I don't really know the cast, sorry. I'm more familiar with the other backstage workers."

Adrien slumped in his seat as he texted both Nino and Max. He had been so positive that he would find his soulmate tonight. If everyone had already sung, then where did that leave him? Where had they gone wrong?

Nino reacted with dismay. Max's text was so very typical Max.

Max: Huh. Will expand search area into other French-speaking countries and regions. Will keep you posted.

Adrien sighed and turned his attention back to the auditorium. People were starting to filter back in, trips to the bathroom done and snacks in hand. They were chatting excitedly amongst themselves, no doubt discussing the play and their favorite songs so far, or something like that. Adrien couldn't manage to even fake their level of enthusiasm, not anymore. Jason suggested that maybe there were a few members of the ensemble and understudy cast who hadn't sung yet, but Adrien couldn't bring himself to get his hopes up again. Something in his gut told him that there was no point.

An announcement sounded over the auditorium, and Jason started dimming the lights. Audience members hurried to their seats, getting fully settled before the lights went off completely. The music started up again and the second half of the play started. Even though the songs were peppy and upbeat and normally made him smile, Adrien watched it all rather listlessly. His eyes tracked the actors and actresses on stage automatically, but he was utterly unable to get past the crushing disappointment of what he had thought was a solid lead turning into an utterly dead end.

There wasn't so much as a tickle in his throat the entire time. By the time Adrien left the auditorium at the end of the show, following a cheerful crowd, it was with a heavy heart and discouragement sitting sour in his gut.

#Miraculous Ladybug #My writing #A Musical Connection #Adrien Agreste #SORRY IT'S SO LATE THE COMPUTER'S TO BLAME