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bondsmagii · 3 years

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so. this will sound dumb. but i am a Youth and have spent most of my late childhood/adolescence on social media. i was reading ur post about activism/“slacktivism” (ie the pointless social media discourse that mean nothing) and i completely agree. but at the same time.. i dont really. know?? what actual activism is??? there are things in the country and world around me that i want to help change but i genuinely do not know where to start. everybody my age just posts those stupid aesthetic instagram infographics and shares petitions they probably cant sign bc they are not american or 18 or whatever. basically this is the idea of activism that i have grown up with and i really do not know what actual activism is. sorry that this is a ramble but its something that has been troubling me for the past year and i was wondering if there are any thoughts or advice you have to offer

honestly, that’s an understandable problem to have, and it’s what I feared when I first noticed an upsurge in slacktivism. I thought there were going to be kids growing up with the complete wrong idea, and meaning well and genuinely thinking they were making a difference, but really all that was happening was pandering and muddying the water. having said that, there really is no sort of... handbook for activism, I guess. activism varies wildly from place to place and cause to cause, and it’s not enough to simply say “keep an eye out for things in your area and get involved”. of course that’s a good thing to do anyway, but things vary so much and activism isn’t always as consistent in one place as in others.

I grew up among political turmoil in a country at the tail end of a nasty civil war, so activism was everywhere. I had the attitude for it -- the kind of get out there and do it myself attitude that lead to me often getting ideas of my own and organising them -- and I also had that all-important thing: contacts. every family in my country has that One Uncle Who Knows A Guy, and I was surrounded by a lot of people like that who gave advice and educated us ad taught us how to look after ourselves. from the age of 15 I attended marches and protests; I handed out leaflets and other literature; I campaigned and lobbied. outside of my own country’s issues I was also active in other circles: lots of fundraising for various charities, volunteering in whale and dolphin conservation, that kind of thing. I was very lucky to have the political education I had.

it’s really a case of doing what you can, when you can. no action is too small. if you’re below 18 you’re probably a little more limited in what you can do, but there’s always something. perhaps one of the smallest things I do that has the greatest effect is destroying racist graffiti. if I see something racist I scratch it off, cover it up, put a sticker over it, anything to cover it. it doesn’t seem like much, but it’s a loud message: to the people doing it you’re saying “you’re not welcome”, and to the people targeted by it you’re saying “there are people here who are on your side”. when you consider the kind of activism you want to do and the kind of change you’d like to see, do not be afraid to think small. sometimes thinking small leads to the biggest changes.

I think that would probably be my advice for a beginner: think small. start locally, start with whatever small change you can, get friends involved. fundraise for things. the more you do the more you’ll network, and that’s how bigger doors are opened.

#anon #asks

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astranne · 4 years

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(Natalia Romanova) Crossover Harry Potter x Marvel

So, Natalia Romanova. Daughter of Black Widow and the Winter Soldier. The Avengers are totally her honorary uncles and aunts. Since she‘s James‘ daughter she‘s a super soldier too and HYDRA did some experiments so she‘s now stronger/faster than Captain America. She is now also an empath and telepath. And since this is an AU, Black Widow is a witch (Harry Potter universe here). But she never learned magic like all the others, she never needed speels and a wand. Just like Natalia. The royal family has always been magic, so they are important too in the wizarding world. But since Natasha never has been at the magic places they think she‘s a squib and like her daughter magicless. Anyway.

So, the muggle world thinks, that Natalia goes to a private school with other rich kids, bc Natasha wants her childhood as normals as possible. They send her to Durmstrang, bc this is the perfect school for her. (In this fic, many dark wizard families send their children there, Durmstrang is almost as big as Hogwarts and a proud school. The asshole Igor somewhat is not there) And a former Red Room 'friend' of Natasha is teacher there, so she can train her daughter while school. She goes under the name Natalia Romanoff, but somehow they realize this is the princess of russia. Naturally they try to become her friend, but... her glare is really scary. And then she starts talking about her father and they are like, nooopee not with me. But someone doesn‘t recognizes her. One Draco Malfoy. His father sends him to Durmstrang, bc the school is known for the good teaching in DADA (they totally also learn some dark spells) and Lucius will not send his heir to the school where this Dumbleshit is. Draco only says once, 'my father will hear about this', but no one fears his father. They are all pretty chill and not like britain wizards. So Draco slowly changes, doesn’t become this little brat who runs to his father everytime. He’s more like: oh fuck, my mom will kill me, when he does something dumb. It‘s in the middle of the school year, when he sees Natalia in the library and they just start talking. He has no idea who she is, bc Malfoys hate the muggle world and yeah. Natalia notices that and decides, this is now my best friend. They start to hang out, prank some olders and become friends with Vikor Krum, who starts his career.

And everybody is like: boy, do you realize this is a princess? Draco is just confused until she tells him and he‘s just: why did you do this to me??? I thought we‘re friends? He takes it with humor, yk Draco isn’t this little shit like in canon, Well, he still can be, but only when necessary. Anyway, he’s totally proud, that he’s the best friend of the princess of russia.

Anyway. They become friends and Draco writes a letter, before he comes home. There he casually writes he befriended the Romanova heir and how she teached him some moves with knifes. His father pales, bc draco- how in the bloody hell did you become friends with the russian princess, who is the daughter of the most feared assassin??? His mother is proud and excited to meet this Natalia.

Anywayyy. Draco comes home, his father tries his usual shit, but his son just walks past him and hugs his mother. Narcissa approves™

Uhm... probably should mention that Draco let his hair grow? Bc omg- twelve year old Draco Malfoy with a undercut and a little bun. Omg- and then some years later. You either die, bc he‘s so cute or bc he‘s so hot.

Anyway. Draco and Natalia write through the summer and also meet. James begins to teach Draco, bc you are now the best friend of my daughter. She can‘t always protect you. The Malfoys meet the Romanovas and somehow the whole wizarding world knows this.

Lucius called Natalia a half blood, bc he tought James is one.

“Excuse me, my Lord. But my father is the head of the Barnes family, an old and ancient house of America. He is a true wizard, if the muggels wouldn‘t have tortured him, his magical core still would be intact.“ James stares at Lucius, like he’s ready to kill and then mutters something in russian. Natalia snorts unladylike, while Natasha grins. (James called Lucius a little boy, (in not so nice words) bc he fears his daughter who is twelve years old. Shame on you, Lucius)

Bc Natalia is bored, she created an Instagram account, where she immediately gained millions of followers.

“Hey there! You probably think, what the bloody hell is the princess of-"

“Stop swearing, young lady!“

“And this was my father... anyway. I have summer holidays and while I still prepare for the next school year, I have sooo much time to do nothing! And- Draco, come here! I want you to introduce to Instagram.“ Natalia grins widely, while she films Draco, who was reading a book about the history of Russia.

“What now, Nat?“, he mumbles.

“Look in the camera!“

“You know, if you say that, I will especially not doing it.“

“And this is my best friend Draco.“

“Draco Malfoy.“ She rolles her eyes playfully, when he still ignores her.

“Draco Lucius Malfoy... now stop being such a brat and come here.“

“I hate it, when you call me by my full name.“

“Anyway. This is Draco Malfoy, my best friend. We met in the middle of the school year and since then-“

“Everybody has to suffer because of our alliance.“

“We are friends, Draco! Stop being such a bloody-“

“Young Lady-“

“It was Draco!“ Her fans love their interactions. Some even do competitions about Draco‘s insults at random people.

“My dad teached Draco some things and now he won‘t let this bloody knife-“

“Natalia Romanova, no cruse words in this household.“

“I swear, my dad knows everytime when I cruse. It‘s spooky.“ Draco snorts, while he still twirls the knife in his hand.

“Your father knows everything you do.“

“That‘s true.“

She gets the permission, still to post on social media while being at school. As long she doesn’t exposes the wizarding world.

“I wanted to introduce you to another friend of mine! This is Viktor-“

“Stanislav! Did you hear? I‘m friends with the princess, take that you fucking asshole!“

“We are not friends anymore, Vic! Stanislav, you are now my new best friend!“

“Hey! What about me??“

Some people are concerned, that she only has male friends, since they only met the three.

“Please. Girls can be soo dramatic, it‘s so fucking annoying. But I have some female friends. Like Daphne. But she goes to another school.... Draco? Do you think we could kidnap Daphne, so she goes with us to school?“ Draco is so done with his life. Why did he became friends with her? She only makes problems...

So yeah, Natalia is a cheerful person, but if you try to hurt her friends or family, she raises hell. Draco tries to control the chaos she creates, but is not always successful.

Uhm, fast forward I think? To fourth year, the Triwizard Tournament. Bc Draco and Natalia are one of Victor‘s closest friends, (and have powerful names) the go for a year to Hogwarts. They also meet the golden trio, who has no idea who they are, but Ron is searching for the princess. Hermione tries to stop him, but he already did the mess. Natalia begins raises an eyebrow and asks him what business he has with the princess.

“I need to speak with her.“

“And you are? Draco, is he a part of the pure blood families?“ Draco just shruggs and says: “I‘m not entirely sure, he has the looks of a Weasly and while they are a pure blood family, no one of the elite likes them.“ Harry begins to shout at Draco, Ron too, while Hermione wants to bang her head against the wall.

“I‘m sure, this is a misunderstanding. I‘m not from England, so I don‘t know the important families like Draco does. He simply said what your political position in the wizarding world is. I‘m sure you know the Malfoys, this is Draco Malfoy and he‘s my best friend. I appologies, if something we said came out wrong, but in Durmstrang you normally don‘t offend students with the political positions of their parents.“

Hermione becomes friends with the two, Harry and Ron are then pissed. Does she care? No.

So, they have their fun in Howgarts, they also befriend the Weasly twins and prank some people.

And then comes the fifth year. People loose their absolute shit, bc boy- They haven‘t seen Draco for 3 months and suddendly he‘s one of the hottest teenagers of the world. They start to ship the two, but Natalia doesn’t react to the fans about this.

For information, they are in the sixth year when they come together (somewhat)

But in the summer after the fifth year, some agency contacts Draco and asks him if he wants to do modeling. And he‘s like, why not. Then I have also a name in the muggle world and much influence.

He does a great job. He gains a fandbase, (he already has one) who are like: fucking finally-bitch, what took you so long???

He also starts social medias, mostly talks about his life. And the world meets his mother and they are like: ok wow, we understand, Draco. She‘s an angel, a badass angel. We know now, why he‘s such a perfect boy

So yeah, Draco starts modeling, his father tries to throw a hissy fit but can‘t really do anything about it.

I totally forgot about it, but Voldemort came back and James is like- fuck this shit and killed him. And destroyed all his Horcruxes. He went to all his former followers and was like: bitches, this was a half blood who wanted to destroy the wizarding world. Don‘t follow his mistakes or I‘ll kill you all.

They look at him with big eyes and he then tells, he wants his daughter save and how can she be save, when the parents of her friends follow a mass murderer?

And yeah, this is how the Winter Soldier destroyed Dumbledore’s plans and didn‘t even know it.

And yeah. Draco starts also acting (he‘s really good at it) and is a part time teacher in Durmstrang. Natalia is doing princess stuff, represents her house in the wizarding world and just lives her life.

They marry some years later (the biggest wedding of the century after Natalia‘s parents).

Masterlist

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wydmariana · 5 years

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well hellooooo beautiful people !! my name’s dani, i’m one of the admins on the main! i’m 20, i’m from toronto & i also play the hailey fc alanna !! i’m so fkn excited to have wealthy back up & running and to bring my baby mariana back ! she’s the same old girl and if you don’t know anything about her...everything u need is under the read more ! i rly need all the connections rn so like this & i’ll hit you up for plots !!!!

❛ new york’s very own mariana cavello was spotted on broadway street in christian louboutin’s. your resemblance to selena gomez is unreal. according to tmz, you just had your twenty-third birthday bash. while living in new york, you’ve been labeled as being reticent, but also quixotic. i guess being a gemini explains that. three things that would paint a better picture of you would be fishnets, tequila shots, notebooks filled with lyrics. & ( cisfemale & she/her ) + ( dani, 20, she/her, est )

☇ ❪ ˚･ﾟ ❛ STATISTICS :

full name: mariana marisol cavello

nickname(s): mari

age: twenty three

date of birth: june 4th

hometown: new york city

current location: upper east side, new york city

ethnicity: half mexican

nationality: american

gender: cisfemale

pronouns: she/her

parents names: tanner hastings, liliana cavello

orientation: pansexual but she doesn’t like labels

religion: grew up catholic, undecided

political affiliation: democrat

occupation: singer/songwriter

living arrangements: lives in her own mansion in the upper east side

language(s) spoken: english, spanish

accent: american

face claim: selena gomez

hair colour: x (most basic/accurate/but it changes)

eye colour: brown

height: 5″5

weight: 120lbs

build: petite

tattoos: mostly selena’s canon, but x instead of the music note

piercings: x (both ears)

drugs/alcohol/sex: yes/yes/yes

pets: one cat, 5 years old, named sergio - x

astrological chart: gemini sun, cancer moon, scorpio rising

☇ ❪ ˚･ﾟ ❛ BACKSTORY/CURRENT :

mariana was born to tanner cavello (famous hotel owner, entrepreneur, multimillionaire, been on forbes, think bart bass) & lilliana cavello (hispanic model/socialite)

her parents marriage was very much settling, the two of them cared about each other & were excited to start their life together in effort to please their parents and keep their images pristine

they were quick to fall out of love though, if you could say they were even ever in it

once mariana and her brother became teenagers, their dad started having affairs with his employes, the hot, young ones of course. & their mom found out, but confided in a 16 year old mariana about her father’s actions

( sexual abuse tw ) this infuriated mariana, especially considering the hours she would spend waiting outside her father’s office doing homework while his business partners molested her in the empty conference room starting at the age of 14

she never told anyone about it, although she knew her father had known the whole time, remembering how many times he’d interrupt it by summoning his partners for work or a meeting

mariana began absolutely hating her father, while still yearning for his approval, & this went on for 4 years until she turned 18 and got revenge by sleeping with one of her dad’s business partners & allowing his wife to find out

so his wife threatened to tell the media about this little scandal, unless mari’s dad paid them off, which is exactly what he did but not before taking his anger out on mariana & blaming her for the whole mess

she has barely talked to her dad since & moved out right as that whole situation went down. she does her best to avoid family gatherings, doesn’t visit the house to see her parents too often. she does have weekly phone calls with her mom & tries to see her as often as she can, no matter how much she resents her

she got into the party scene around 17/18 as well, and became new york’s resident “wild child rich kid/socialite” in her teen years, so she has that reputation in the media still to this day

her parents have been rich as fuck since the day she was born, so she’s definitely a spoiled brat, never worked a day in her life, had daddy’s credit card whenever she needed it

music had always been a passion of hers though, being her favorite class in school(on days when she would actually attend)

so when she was 20, she started getting back into writing, sold a couple of her songs to artists like zendaya, the weeknd, etc

when she turned 21 she released her first single & album within the same year, began touring, and got to the top of the charts almost right away & gained a huge fanbase, whom she loves

she’s now 23 and has two studio albums out !! she’s v successful and happy w her music <3 she releases things very sporadically & im probs gonna release random selena songs along with other voice claims maybe IDKDKKD hope yall dont mind my messy ass kskffsk

she works hard though, & loves writing and releasing music now and never wants to stop. it’s truly the thing that makes her most happy in the entire world and keeps her sane

☇ ❪ ˚･ﾟ ❛ PERSONALITY :

mariana can be a brat, to put it simply. she thinks she’s always right about everything & it’s rare you’re ever gonna get an apology from her when she’s done something wrong (unless she really cares about you which….)

she’s lowkey a softie, bc of her cancer moon tbh. she tends to get herself into relationships and then mess them up for the sake of it or because she stops trusting herself to be in the relationship at all

but when she loves someone, she LOVES them, like w every fibre in her body u know?

and she cares fiercely about people, it ends up being a problem for her a lot of the time

she hasn’t worked through her trauma & probably never will, she bottles that shit up tight & doesn’t let anybody know it’s there. the only way she’s ever opening up is if she’s writing, cause she wants that shit to be real

but she’s still gonna hoe it up, catch her in the club trying to get some dick for the night, u know what i mean?

super depressed if we’re being real here. she’s sad, and she has abandonment issues because of her dad. so her mindset is- there’s no forming attachments, because everyone leaves me anyway

( drugs tw ) she loves cocaine, is most definitely an addict (but who isn’t in this city), tequila is her alcohol of choice, but she’ll drink anything you give her & weed is her creative saving grace

she started popping pain pills on her 21st birthday, opioids occasionally & mostly xanax, stuff like that, is most definitely also addicted to those

we love a bitch who doesn’t care about her health!

her management team frowns upon it, but she does smoke cigarettes pretty often, but mostly only when she’s stressed

mariana’s the type of bitch to call the paparazzi on herself, she loves attention. but with her music career now it’s been 10x harder for her to keep her life private, not that she cares. but at least she doesn’t have to call the paps on herself anymore lol

she thinks it’s important to treat people w kindness and respect, but no doubt she’ll be ready to fight a b*tch if she has to…

catch her at any protest that involves saying “fuck you trump”

her instagram is a big mix of stories of her cat, dumb selfies, ig model posts, her friends, career stuff & political posts. she’s very active on the gram & snapchat lol

honestly thank U for reading this trash if u didnt…i understand. catch her pinterest board for more here & i have a wanted connections page here ! ok bye i love u, plot w me <3

#wealthyhq:intro

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roadtripsinspace-blog · 6 years

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Do we need "Love, Simon?" TIME says, "nah, bro."

I was reading the TIME article that attracted all this controversy over Love, Simon and I'm not gonna lie, some solid points were made. I agree in that there look to be some tropes and cliches, and that the trailer feels it will be a more juvenile film compared to, say, the pedophilic wonder Call Me By Your Name (I joke...sorta) -- but I don't think we can really compare the receptions from both films (CMBYN winning an Oscar and LS getting this [insert adjective that sounds nicer than "shitty" here bc I'm trying to be civil...] Time article) because, as Time itself points out, the two movies were made for different audiences in mind. And isn't that the whole point?

This was the headline^ I'm not saying YA movies/shows, etc., have to be unintelligently written. Many are intriguing, layered and that's why so many rent-paying adults are still toting Harry Potter scarves and arguing about which House is better (Ravenclaw btw, fight me) -- because YA material can engage all ages. But yes, a lot of YA can also be straightforward (hah there's a pun lurking there somewhere) and one-dimensional, it happens. But if Time's point was that the movie didn't do its subject matter justice due to the fact it was a "flat rom-com," that's kind of very much bullshit since it never pretended to be some sort of genius plot to begin with. Like if the movie sucks (which imo it doesn't look horrible but I can see where the tropey tropes might come in) then that's too bad, but how does that have anything to do with whether or not it tried to carry a message that people can still take something away from? I mean when did bringing the LGBTQ+ genre to the big screens suddenly mean one had to produce amazing work in order to justify a gay character being the lead? If the plot was bad bc it did not try to send this message, then yes something would be wrong here but clearly that's not what's happening. The message is clear. Everyone deserves love. Two seconds into the trailer and bam. I already know. You don't gotta be a Ravenclaw to see the message (still best House tho, not backing down). It might not be done cleverly, idk, but the movie's not muddling that message in general no matter how trope-tastic it is. People who thought Twilight was dumb didn't conclude that oh, hey, since this ex-Cedric-Diggory fellow was one-dimensional and the romance was unconvincing, that must mean the efforts to portray straight people finding love on screen for all to see is "unneeded."

In fact, I'd actually be sort of glad if Love, Simon ended up being a "flat rom-com." Hooray! The LGBTQ+ community should be able to have the luxury of making both generic entertainment AND more, idk, Oscary Oscar entertainment (the voting process for that makes it a debateable standard anyway). That would be a hallmark moment: Gay characters can star in shitty movies too, folks. Just like straight leads. How does that put down the LGBTQ+ movement in any way? Why do all works that have homosexuality as a topic HAVE to be "good" in order to be something that exists? Can't the producer/director/cast just try their best to be passionate about what they make and hopefully entertain some people along the way?

But what IRKED me the most was this quote from the article:

"But those kids who were met with support when they came out are probably too sophisticated for Love, Simon–so much so that its vision of how good it feels for a masculine, traditionally attractive bro to receive encouragement might not resonate at all."

Firstly, 'bro'? Art thy not Time? What's with this colloquial language? Did I accidentally stumble upon a Tumblr rant such as my own? For fuck's sake?

Secondly, I get the criticism of Simon potentially being like a stereotypical white dude, but idk if I'd agree that it's this huge horrible thing. I'm not white but I don't feel offended? It doesn't seem like a racist move, in my opinion anyway, I mean whatever someone's ethnicity is they would have a story to tell in this situation and that's what the movie is about. Everyone equal and deserving love.

Thirdly, how does a KID being met with support when coming out mean they are suddenly too mature to handle a movie that represents something that happened to them? Oh shit maybe THAT is why I like Harry Potter! Because I haven't been told "yer a wizard!" It makes so much sense now, only things that I haven't had to handle should grace my TV screens -- so fuck off, all movies starring straight people! If I've seen one man kiss a woman, I've seen em all! Can't learn anything new I guess!

So basically what TIME is saying is that because Simon wasn't oppressed but instead had a healthy, positive coming out experience, the movie was unnecessary. Uh, what? BY THE WAY, Time also argues that the movie isn't relateable because in the parts of Simon's life that ARE indeed making it hard for him to come out, it seems like he's facing an outdated problem. So make up your mind please, Time. Is the movie a waste because it is too kind on Simon or too harsh? Oh, what's that you say? Matters are actually complicated and struggles are not able to be easily dismissed as "over now"? There we go...

Anyway -- not all coming out experiences are the same or laced with tragedy, so why does Simon have to be SAD and DOWN in a movie like this? You sadistic Time writer you? I get it, okay, Time wants to be MOVED, they paid good money on their box of tissues but again, Time already agreed that this is a YA movie. If it wants to be simple, why is that bad? And isn't it good, to not only let others who had a similar coming out experience know that they are just as legitimately a part of the LGBTQ+ community even if they had a calm coming out experience, but also to show audience members an example of how to positively and encouragingly converse with someone who is trying to tell you they are gay and/or any other kinds of things they would want to share with loved ones? Would Time rather ask the YA demographic to watch something gruesome and dark like a beating or some shit? Are the people at Time also those people who are so uptight about violent video games influencing their children yet somehow believe portraying how NOT to handle someone coming out is a good idea, and the only way to give meaning to a story about a gay male lead?

I just don't understand why the article had to make Love, Simon seem like it was this waste of an idea/hard work/money/excitement simply because it happened to be exactly what it said it would be, a YA movie. I don't understand why Time made it sound like the only way hype about a gay male lead would be allowed is if Interstellar happened again but like instead of Matthew McConnaughey trying to find his way back home to save his daughter, spewing copious amounts of philosophy and space jargon as he did so, he was now trying to reunite with his gay lover or some shit. (Actually, now that I say it aloud, I really need to watch that. Please someone make it happen. We can start a petition or something. Matt is a generous guy, I feel it in my soul.) And yeah I'd probably enjoy that movie more than Love, Simon because looking at the trailer, if I may take a moment to pre-judge the movie, it does so far seem to have the setup of a cheesy rom com for young teens. So? That doesn't mean it's some kind of setback for the LGBTQ+ movement. That doesn't mean it's a waste.

Also this has nothing to do with the rant but I thought it was pretty cool:

(found on instagram)

#love simon #love simon movie #time magazine #harry potter #ravenclaw #twilight #the hunger games #sorry for the rant #but like #lgbtq love

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undergroundbandimagines · 3 years

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7 Lessons from Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” That Will Get You Through a Divorce

7 Lessons from Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” to Get You Through a Divorce

Recovering from a marriage to a narcissist adds an added layer of complexity

By dmitry_islentev for Shutterstock

Recovering from a divorce after a 20-year marriage is never an easy feat. Therapist Susan Pease Gadua in Psychology Today likens the undoing of a marriage to, “Trying to disentangle two trees that have grown next to each other for years. The more intertwined the root systems are, the longer it will take for the trees to go their separate ways.”

Recovering from a marriage to a narcissist adds an added layer of complexity and a few extra hurdles to get over before you can feel whole again. And divorcing a narcissist is not for the faint of heart. Yes, this too (like a gallstone) shall pass, but first, it’s going to hurt. And you’re going to need to strategize.

If you’re like me, you may not have unpacked this emotional baggage until after the marriage, and you may not have a full understanding that you are, in fact, married/separating from a narcissist. All you know is you’ve been lied to, lied about, and he is accusing you of his actual behavior, which is maddening.

According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, someone who is an expert in the field of narcissism, “narcissistic” is an adjective, it’s not a diagnosis. It’s a descriptive term that usually signifies a personality pattern. It is characterized by patterns like inconsistent or superficial empathy, entitlement, grandiosity, arrogance, superficiality, chronic validation-seeking, hypersensitivity, a propensity towards rage, especially when the person is frustrated or disappointed, and then incapacity to deal with frustration and disappointment.

The first thing to understand, according to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, is that narcissists love to win. “It motivates everything they do. They actually believe you can win in relationships, so it’s a big thing to them. They really love the idea that their partner will get destroyed after the relationship ends, which is why narcissistic divorces can be very expensive.”

Now, you may be a kind and gentle, loving soul. The kind of person who scoops up spiders to let them live, just not in your house. (OK, I am not that person). The point is, it’s time to grow a pair. You don’t have to sink to their level — instead, you must rise above it.

You might be wondering what a Chinese general, military strategist and reputed author born in 544 BC could know about egomaniacal showrunners, forensic accounting, and family court, but I find that Sun Tzu’s profound wisdom of outsmarting your enemy, plotting several moves ahead, and getting inside the head of your opponent are time-tested winning strategies.

Even if you have to stomach an expensive divorce, you will be better prepared going in with Sun Tzu’s knowledge. And hopefully, with fewer surprises, it will be a shorter ordeal.

The Art of War lesson #1

“Move swift as the Wind and closely-formed as the Wood. Attack like the Fire and be still as the Mountain.”

Translation: you cannot mediate. You may have a loving friend or relative advise you to mediate because it is the kinder and gentler route, the route that saves money. The problem with this is that successful mediation requires complete disclosure, laying everything on the table and there can be no power imbalance. If you are married to someone who lies and cheats, what makes you think you will have fairness and transparency in mediation?

This is a waste of everyone’s time and money. I still receive polite bills from Geraldine, the kind woman who did her level best for two years to try to end this marriage before she pulled me aside at our fifth mediation and said, “You cannot mediate with this person.”

File for divorce. It’s the only way.

Lesson #2

“Know your enemy and know yourself and you can fight a hundred battles without disaster.”

If he is sneaky, guess what? He will try things in court that are dirty and sneaky. He will hire sleazy lawyers that specialize in high-end bullshit. Remember, you are that closely-formed wood. Know yourself, and don’t be rattled by his bullshit tactics.

Case in point: One of my husband’s strategies was to convince the court I was a dreadful parent who drove the family to financial ruin. But, like the Peanuts characters listening to an adult, what the state of California hears is, “wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.” It still comes down to: what is your shit worth? How much does this guy make? I put my career on hold to raise our children and create a lovely home. Alimony, child support, bing, bang, boom.

In his arrogance, the ex and his lawyers announced that since I had driven the family to financial ruin he would be keeping the pension. The only problem with that is — the law! We didn’t really need to reinvent the wheel, yet here we were, reinventing the wheel, to the tune of a six-figure legal fee.

Lesson #3 (a two-parter)

“It is only the enlightened ruler and the wise general who will use the highest intelligence of the army for the purposes of spying, and thereby they achieve great results.”

“Foreknowledge cannot be gotten from ghosts and spirits, cannot be had by analogy, cannot be found out by calculation. It must be obtained from people, people who know the conditions of the enemy.”

Subpoena folks. Have your team seek records from reliable sources to get the actual factual documents you need. Subpoena people who have his documents and his contracts. Do a forensic accounting. Check out his girlfriend’s Instagram. It may be quite enlightening. Even better if she has a blog detailing the timeline with everything you need to know.

Lesson#4

“Conceal your dispositions, and your condition will remain secret, which leads to victory; show your dispositions, and your condition will become patent, which leads to defeat.”

If you’re feeling a little bamboozled and you’ve just gotten out of a marriage in which you were emotionally manipulated for years, you may not be used to standing your ground and remaining poker-faced.

What the narcissist desperately needs is attention and he/she needs to know that he matters in your life. When you resist those crazy calls, emails, and texts and simply don’t engage, it is maddening for them. Dr. Durvasula says, “You win when you don’t give them the fight because the fight is what they want.”

I say, not mattering is the biggest wound the narcissist can receive from the person who used to hold his hand in empathy and believe the crap he shoveled. It throws them off their center. It also enrages them, but your secret weapon is not giving a shit anymore. It helps unnerve them, and more importantly, it helps you lay the ground for getting back to yourself, remembering how strong you can be, and finding your way out so you can move on.

Lesson #5

“It is the unemotional, reserved, calm, detached warrior who wins, not the hothead seeking vengeance and not the ambitious seeker of fortune.”

You may want to seek revenge on your ex for any number of grievances, but consider whether going for the jugular in court is just something you could work out (much less expensively and without involving law enforcement) in therapy. Dragging things out will drain both of you, both emotionally and financially. It’s time to break free and leave emotion out of the proceedings.

Lesson #6

“Anger may in time change to gladness; vexation may be succeeded by content. But a kingdom that has once been destroyed can never come again into being; nor can the dead ever be brought back to life.”

No, we won’t be having Thanksgiving together, thanks.

My ex-husband is mortally offended when he is not invited to Thanksgiving. At my apartment. With my family, who hates him. And yet he engages my younger daughter in this fantasy that, gee, it would be so nice if we could all do things as a family if only Mom wasn’t so bitter!

A huge part of separating from this person is becoming grounded, once again, in your own reality. You are entitled to your feelings, and the idea of sucking it up because it’s good for the kids is bullshit. What’s good for the kids is living in reality. What’s good for the kids is knowing their mother is true to her feelings. That she matters. We can now have lovely, separate, but equal holiday events. You don’t get to sit down and have a slice of my bitchin’ pecan pie at my table that would put Martha Stewart to shame. No. Not this year, not any year. Boundaries.

Right now you’re swimming with sharks, and this may well be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but you will get through it, one day at a time. You are fierce. Rely on your senses — no one can tell you that what you heard must have been a mistake, what you witnessed was distorted, and no one can deny your experience. Hold your center, no matter how much he tries to throw you off.

Lesson #7

“In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity.”

When you are finally divorced, that is an accomplishment in itself. The going got tough, and you proved you could get going and get it done. You fought for yourself and you probably turned out to be much stronger than you realized.

The truth is, up is the only way to go now. Hold a vision of yourself in a happier place where you are in control of your life. It will be a lot to unpack — therapy is an excellent tool to help with this — but get through the fight and lean on your village for all the support you need.

It’s a beautiful thing to regain freedom, peace, and financial independence, and when you get there, it’s going to feel so good.

7 Lessons from Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” That Will Get You Through a Divorce was originally published in P.S. I Love You on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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myempirepro-blog · 4 years

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Ep. #689 - 4 Beginners Tips to Wholesaling Houses for Profits📍

BOOKS DOWNLOAD ➡️ http://SmartRealEstateWholesaling.com SUBSCRIBE ➡️ http://bit.ly/SubonYouTube

TIP #1 - Turn your Excuses to your Why

The best skill you can apply to your journey is to turn all your excuses to the motivation you need to win.

All excuses are legitimate and real problems that you can use to improve your problem solving skills. You will need the skill in wholesaling houses.

TIP #2 - Don’t Quit, Replace the Income First

I understand the promises of becoming a millionaire but the worst place you can find your while wholesaling houses is…

Not being able to pay today’s bills and being desperate to close a deal.

Most desperate people stay broke because they can’t think straight like a champion..

It’s even worse when you have a family at home.

To be frank, it’s simply irresponsible to quit your day job before you replace the income.

So the primary goal is to replace the income and not to quit your job.

When it makes financially a short term, bills are paid for the next one year from an ongoing income and not savings,

Then you can quit.

TIP #3 - Gain Ability to Spend More

Wholesaling houses as a money making method tends to attract people who want something for nothing; sorry just my experience.

Hopefully, you are not one of them.

Investing in the “business” of wholesaling houses may not require thousands of dollars in capital.

But you will need a couple of hundred dollars for proper training, mentorships, marketing data, tools and marketing itself.

So make sure your goal is the ability to spend more on the business and not to spend nothing.

If your goal is to spend nothing, all you have to do is spend nothing… starting now.

And then, you won.

TIPS #4 - Value Your Time More

There is monetary value to your time whether you know it or not; you paid at least per hour at your job right.

Another skill you can learn right now is to learn how to flip that money you make from the job into big real estate wholesale profits.

The value of the time you spend with your family is precious and priceless.

Trust me, it’s not worth switching it with driving for dollars.

Flip the money from the job into tools and proper marketing skills and your family will appreciate that combination more.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson...

“Hi.

I am a 31 year old with 3 kids and a 29 year old wife.

I started to dive in wholesaling head first a year ago to give my wife and kids the best life possible.

But my wife convinced me I needed to take the sure money and keep my job so I did.

I drive a dump truck.

Well with all the rain we have had in Athens GA, I have barely been able to work the past 2 months.

And I’m to the point my son is 11, my daughter is 10, and my youngest is 7.

And none of us are getting any younger.

So I am to the point where I gotta make this happen if I can get some pointers in…

How to start out with very little money and I know about driving for dollars.

But I’m gonna try to keep my job until I get some good leads.

Any pointers on how I can squeeze it in.

I get up at 5am for work and when the days are shorter I get off at 6-7pm.

I go straight to my kids and we do sports.

We get home at about 9pm and I do all of this on my own bc my wife works 3pm-1am.

Thanks in advance.”

Enjoy the video.

https://myempirepro.com/blog/wholesaling-houses-beginners

BLOG POST - https://myempirepro.com/blog/

ABOUT YOUR HOST ::::| Ola "Tux" Abitogun is the Creator of myEmpirePRO and author of Smart Real Estate Wholesaling. He became a FULL TIME entrepreneur in October 2006.

He is a computer engineer and an engineering management graduate from New Jersey Institute of Technology; (NJIT) class of 2004/5. He was born in Dallas Texas and raised in Nigeria by his Nigerian parents. He considers himself a proud Nigerian American.

Today, he is a marketing addict, trainer, marketing and business consultant, real estate investor and all around serial entrepreneur. Most importantly, he is husband and a father. The professional work he is mostly proud of is personally helping 1,000+ entrepreneurs around the world reach greater heights in their careers.

GET MY BOOKS ON AMAZON https://amzn.to/2VRzdvE

FREE @ AUDIBLE SMART REAL ESTATE WHOLESALING - https://adbl.co/2OeYqI2 REAL ESTATE MONEY SECRETS - https://adbl.co/2HuHPQa

FOLLOW OLA ONLINE HERE: Instagram :|: http://instagram.com/iTuxB Facebook :|: https://www.facebook.com/iTuxB Twitter :|: http://twitter.com/iTuxB

PODCAST iTunes :|: http://apple.co/2ktmxnn Stitcher Radio :|: http://bit.ly/2j56O1N

WEBSITE myEmpirePRO :|: http://myEmpirePRO.com

Check out this episode!

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wydmariana · 6 years

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well hellooooo beautiful people !! i’m so freakin excited u don’t even know… anyway, i guess i should introduce maself. i’m dani, i’m 19 & i’m from canada aka the est tz. i’m also the ari mascot on the main !! i’m gonna put some info about my babygirl below so pls hmu or like this to plot :~)

a SELENA GOMEZ lookalike was strolling down broadway street in their louis vuitton’s. mariana cavello just had a birthday bash for her twenty second birthday. she has been living in new york city for her whole life. i hear she tends to be reticent at parties, but also kind of quixotic. ( cisfemale & she/her )

☇ ❪ ˚･ﾟ ❛ STATISTICS :

full name: mariana marisol cavello

nickname(s): mari

age: twenty two

date of birth: june 4th, 1996

hometown: new york city

current location: upper east side, new york city

ethnicity: half mexican

nationality: american

gender: cisfemale

pronouns: she/her

parents names: tanner hastings, liliana cavello

orientation: pansexual but she doesn’t like labels

religion: grew up catholic, undecided

political affiliation: democrat

occupation: singer/songwriter

living arrangements: lives in her own mansion in the upper east side

language(s) spoken: english, spanish

accent: american

face claim: selena gomez

hair colour: x (most basic/accurate/but it changes)

eye colour: brown

height: 5″5

weight: 120lbs

build: petite

tattoos: mostly selena’s canon, but x instead of the music note

piercings: x (both ears)

drugs/alcohol/sex: yes/yes/yes

pets: one cat, 5 years old, named sergio - x

astrological chart: gemini sun, cancer moon, scorpio rising

☇ ❪ ˚･ﾟ ❛ BACKSTORY/CURRENT :

mariana was born to tanner cavello (famous hotel owner, entrepreneur, multimillionaire, been on forbes, think bart bass) & lilliana cavello (hispanic model/socialite)

her parents marriage was very much settling, the two of them cared about each other & were excited to start their life together in effort to please their parents and keep their images pristine

they were quick to fall out of love though, if you could say they were even ever in it

she never told anyone about it, although she knew her father had known the whole time, remembering how many times he’d interrupt it by summoning his partners for work or a meeting

she got into the party scene around 17/18 as well, and became new york’s resident “wild child rich kid/socialite” in her teen years, so she has that reputation in the media still to this day

her parents have been rich as fuck since the day she was born, so she’s definitely a spoiled brat, never worked a day in her life, had daddy’s credit card whenever she needed it

music had always been a passion of hers though, being her favorite class in school (on days when she would actually attend)

so when she was 20, she started getting back into writing, sold a couple of her songs to artists like zendaya, the weeknd, etc

when she turned 21 she released her first single & album within the same year, began touring, and got to the top of the charts almost right away & gained a huge fanbase, whom she loves

she works hard though, & loves writing and releasing music now and never wants to stop. it’s truly the thing that makes her most happy in the entire world and keeps her sane

☇ ❪ ˚･ﾟ ❛ PERSONALITY :

but when she loves someone, she LOVES them, like w every fibre in her body u know?

and she cares fiercely about people, it ends up being a problem for her a lot of the time

but she’s still gonna hoe it up, catch her in the club trying to get some dick for the night, u know what i mean?

super depressed if we’re being real here. she’s sad, and she has abandonment issues because of her dad. so her mindset is- there’s no forming attachments, because everyone leaves me anyway

she started popping pain pills on her 21st birthday, opioids occasionally & mostly xanax, stuff like that, is most definitely also addicted to those

we love a bitch who doesn’t care about her health!

her management team frowns upon it, but she does smoke cigarettes pretty often, but mostly only when she’s stressed

she thinks it’s important to treat people w kindness and respect, but no doubt she’ll be ready to fight a b*tch if she has to…

catch her at any protest that involves saying “fuck you trump”

her instagram is a big mix of stories of her cat, dumb selfies, ig model posts, her friends, career stuff & political posts. she’s very active on the gram & snapchat lol

honestly thank U for reading this trash if u didnt...i understand. catch her pinterest board for more here & i have a wanted connections page here ! ok bye i love u, plot w me <3

#wealthyhq:intro #heyyyyoo #this ugly im sry #assault tw

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