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#but I didn’t let myself
bvllyrag · 3 months
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MY WHOLE LIFE, YES. YES, FOREVER, YES.
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wekillitwithfire · 4 months
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martianluvr · 2 months
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vale at the portimao test
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ihearnocomplaints · 3 months
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I point you all to my ko-fi page once more -> link
my parents, enraged that I didn’t sort a massive mound of clothes yesterday (after doing the other chores they asked), essentially decided they are going to start charging me rent.
So this is just in preparation for that moment when they do start asking. I’m still trying to save up to move out. It’s not a huge deal yet (idk how much they’re going to charge) so there’s no pressure to donate.
I work a full time job so I can’t really give much in return. But I can take doodle requests upon proof of donation! I’ll doodle any DCA you want.
Thanks.
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emry-stars-art · 9 months
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Massarati was a courting gift to andrew from abram after he realized they were courting one another
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My face reading this omggggggg
(Gonna put this up top instead of at the end; find the royal au writing masterpost here 💕)
So this is the 4800 words of fluff; @jtl-fics was bouncing a LOT of ideas with me about it and everything was so sweet 😭🥰 you can read it here! :D or continue on this post for the sparknotes version from Abram's pov (minus the picnic date tho 👀), and let’s showcase my inexperience with horses ✨
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THIS IS GREAT I done got myself a little by making Maserati a rescue case… like Abram’s probably right about what happened to her though I didn’t fully decide on it (I’m also making up everything about horse breeds in this universe thank youuu). He’s out one day for whatever reason and comes across this horse in no pasture that’s tall, clearly made for working, but it’s far too skinny. A little skiddish, but not enough that Abram can’t approach after a while of trying. It’s a familiar breed under the dirt and malnutrition.
He doesn’t even bother seeing where it might have come from. He fashions a makeshift lasso/bridle thing from rope and takes a few hours calming the horse enough to bring it back with him to the castle, leaving it in one of the smaller/less used stables with plenty of food and water before going to find Day or someone else that might be able to help. She doesn’t look impressive at first, obviously. But with lots of help and lots of time from Abram taken in secret to the stables, she slowly starts to get better. She gains weight, she gets readjusted to people, she lets him take care of her coat and hair.
At some point, Andrew insists once again on keeping Abram nearby when Abram is having a worse night than usual. Panicking easily, generally unwell. (Andrew is also wondering why Abram is suddenly spending so much time away, why he won’t tell Andrew where he’s been or what he’s doing. It’s completely in his right to do it, so Andrew never forces the issue, but it’s such an obvious switch from his normal behavior. Right when Andrew thought he could start leaning into the courting, it feels like Abram is pulling away and it hurts a little. He gets worried.) Abram can’t sleep, and Andrew won’t sleep until Abram does, so they lay on his bed with Andrew resting against Abram’s lap, relaxing or reading or tracing scars with his fingertips. It’s a long while before Abram asks, unprompted, “Did you ever have an ideal horse?”
Andrew gives him a look.
“I mean… a dream horse. Maybe when you were little, something you always wanted.”
Andrew makes a small noise. “I think most kids do.”
“Right. So did you?”
It takes more convincing than that, lots of Abram assuring Andrew that it’s not stupid, he’s just curious. He’ll tell Andrew his next. And finally Andrew tells Abram of when he was young, living with the Spears, and would fantasize about being anywhere else. He’d take a horse as black as night so no one would see him when he ran away, a horse that was strong and fast enough to take him wherever he wanted to go. He used to imagine it would carry two, so he could take his governess with him, but that was before she left. It was all child’s play, anyway. It didn’t matter now. (Abram’s horse wasn’t so detailed, but he said if he had to pick a coat color, he was very happy with the blue roan he was given.)
So the next time Abram goes to the stable he looks at her, sees how well she’s bulking up, sees again how much larger she is than the Friesians he’s used to from Evermore. She looks even stronger than those already capable horses. When she’s healthy she can certainly carry two riders and more besides, and her endurance is like the horse equivalent of his own. Her coat is getting shiny again, sleek like black oil.
When she’s healthy and ready, Abram trains her. He again has help, of course - there are people who’s jobs it is to take care of and train the castle’s horses and it isn’t him - but she has an undeniable soft spot for Abram. They get her used to being fully decked out in nice tack and equipment and whatever else. Abram holds her steady to get shoed. The veterinarians/au equivalent make sure she stays healthy and the stable master grows more impressed with her every day. She’s not your average horse, he tells Abram. She’s smart. There’s real intelligence in those eyes.
Abram could not be happier.
By the time the twins’ birthday comes around she is ready to go. Abram spends the morning before his work begins making sure she is as sparkling as he can get her, all ready for her favorite stable hand to take her to the main stables later while Abram attends the prince at the festivities. The stable hand is going to put her in her new tack, too, the beautiful white set Abram spent a good chunk of coin to have commissioned. The horse is perfectly well mannered around people now, though only Abram and a handful others can ride her. Abram only plans his evening because he knows she lets anyone ride alongside him - if Abram deems them worthy, the horse won’t protest. It isn’t trust he ever takes lightly. He’s pretty certain she’ll end up allowing Andrew every privilege she allows Abram. He is so excited and so, so nervous for that night. She’s as perfect as she could possibly be, but Andrew has gotten Abram so many wonderful gifts. This is the first time Abram has returned the favor with such intention. Hopefully it’s good enough. (She is.)
Oh also in case you’re wondering. Andrew only needs a new horse because his beloved GS was finally retired, GS is old and now gets to spend the rest of his days in nice pastures where Andrew feeds him lots of treats 💕 every like is one sugar cube gods bless
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snaillock · 7 months
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your relationship with bllk men as mitski songs
(kaiser, sae, oliver)
my posting has been very slow recently so to celebrate mitskis new album (and to feed into my eternal obsession for her music and lyricism by combining it with another thing im way too obsessed with), i dug up this old ass draft and finished it instead of giving y’all an actual fic
tags: gn!reader, angst(it’s mitski duh), yeah basically no fluff/comfort in here, suggestive-ish in the oliver one, me being a dork and combining two big interests of mine
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michael kaiser - i don’t smoke
So if you need to be mean Be mean to me I can take it and put it inside of me If your hands need to break More than trinkets in your room You can lean on my arm As you break my heart
his career can be a lot on his shoulders at times even with the cocky and arrogant facade he puts on for the performance of each match he plays. he has a tendency to keep it all in to bask in the glory of his luxurious life.
you understand. you know he’s currently too prideful to deal with his true feelings, especially all on his own. you just want to be there to know he isn’t alone and that he can be open with you. so you sit there, giving him a listening ear as he lashes out and releases every awful word in the book towards you when everything finally becomes too much for him to bear. you wouldn’t want him to have a very public meltdown when it happens so it’s better this way. you have remind yourself to take none of it to heart because he doesn’t mean those all harsh words. he just needed an outlet for those frustrations.
you also don’t want the weight and significance of his career to separate you two. you’re already so damn lucky to be with someone like him. you want to prove that you can handle it. you know you can. you’re sure you can help him figure this all out somehow. love just takes compassion and patience, that’s all it is. just taking it one step at a time.
it’s just compassion and patience. right?
Just don't leave me alone Wondering where you are I am stronger than you give me credit for
sae itoshi - i want you
You're coming back And it's the end of the world We're starting over and I love you darlin' And I am done, dear
he swears he will make time for you someday. sure those words have been promised over and over again like a broken record but he truly does love you. however you’re starting to wonder if mutual love is truly enough to keep you two going.
the truth is his life is currently too big and important for him to take any focus away from it. the last thing he needs is a distraction. all of which he has very clear multiple times, even along with his contrastingly hopeful promises. though his tone is quite neutral, never letting his emotions seep through as if he’s programmed to do so. meanwhile you have to desperately hold yours back to not seem like an idiot.
it’s never been easy to express how you feel in front of him. you desperately wish you could but the inconsistency of your relationship that’s barely holding up renders it pointless. this over and over/back and forth thing that’s going on between you two is exhausting. it only leaves you lost and confused. you begin to wonder if staying is even worth it at all. even with the speck of hope that it could eventually work out. even if you love him.
You're in the house And I am here in the car I just need a quiet place Where I can scream how I love you
oliver aiku - eric
You like control, well, I do too Take off my clothes and watch me move You can come closer, I'll let you hurt me how you choose
you deeply crave a loving and fulfilling connection with another but unfortunately the other you desire is him. a guy who’s born to be a player and only wants to fool around with multiple people.
you know getting attached would only cause you so much unnecessary pain but your naive heart couldn’t resist him. you know that he doesn’t see you for more than what you give him at night but you were still a fool to fall for him.
enough of a fool to fall for him knowing he’s not ready to settle for one person. you could see it from how you would lovingly gaze at him while he leers at someone else behind you. you would still give yourself up to him if you could, offering anything he wanted out of you.
despite better judgment, you stay with a pained and aching heart. constantly yearning for more.
But how long, how long can we play this way? I'm tired, I'm tired of not loving you My heart, my heart wants to hold you But I know, I know, I know the rules
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taglist(lemme know if you wanna be added): @userwithlotsoftime @lucas2060
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ghosts-cyphera · 2 months
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hey it’s lo !! hi !! just quickly sliding in to say thank you to everyone who interacted with my post last night. I was really, really deep down in the pit and even though I wasn’t in any immediate danger, your love and help and support did get me through the night.
though I’m so, so incredibly sorry to see how many of you have struggled with suicidal thoughts, it also means a lot to see that I’m not alone with this. thank you so, so much for the reminder.
sending you all so incredibly much love right now, my darlings 💗 lo out !!
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foursaints · 2 months
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lily be the kind of vampire to awkwardly flirt her way into acquiring your blood type and barty be the kind of shithead to laugh and mock her for it while she actively has her fangs inside him
lily as a vampire is a wonderful concept because i have trouble imagining her out of the sunshine. i think she still looks as lively & red-blooded & sunkissed as the farmers daughter she was before getting turned and it’s very dangerous.
vampire!regulus is my favorite though… that man is allergic to three different blood types and will despondently sigh after sucking someone dry because now he has a rash. he got turned in 1446 after his monastery gave shelter to a dark & mysterious stranger (he was the ambiguously homosexual spare son sacked off to go illuminate manuscripts) and he specifically was bitten because he was the only monk bitchy enough to verbally be like “hey maybe we should not give shelter to this guy his vibes are fucking terrible”. only thing he ever enjoyed in his undead life was living to see high collars & male corsets come into fashion and he’s still sopping around moping about how short-lived it was like a century later
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xoxoemynn · 1 year
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daily-rgg-posting · 6 months
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Nishitani is a little homosexual.
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fall-risk · 1 year
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friends that are tree and happy
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napping-sapphic · 5 months
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God i’m thinking about how easily and unknowingly strangers can grant you salvation like i found it in how my old classmate told me once that i was a kind person and it was the first time i’d ever believed it
in how a coworker once said that i always seem so happy and have a nice smile and i cried about it when i got home since i’d always been told i seem too serious or mean
in how someone once told me i was good at comforting them when i’d always thought i was bad at it
Just god they’re out there somewhere and i barely remember what they looked like and we’ll never cross paths again but they changed me so deeply, they’re out there but they’ll never know how often i revisit those memories and think of myself even just a little more kindly they’re out there and i don’t know them but they’re the most important people in the world to me somehow
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venticuliao · 1 year
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The concept of family between Alhaitham and Kaveh
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The first thing we learn about Sumeru is that knowledge is handled as a resource, that is to say, it serves both as social and economic capital that grants people different status. The more academic merit a person obtains, the more power and opportunities they’re handed.
As such, the conventional idea of personal relationships within the Akademiya is transactional in nature, it’s based on creating bonds with the goal of producing academic (and therefore economic) value. These bonds are traditionally formed when the people involved share the same objectives and are able to cooperate in research, since that’s what their professional pursuits and livelihood depend on.
Academic Divorcees
Alhaitham and Kaveh’s academic collaboration was deemed successful in this sense by the Akademiya, and so their project was rewarded with a property. In academic terms, this bond they shared in the past was considered a successful relationship.
However, Kaveh removed his name from the credits and rejected the house that now belongs to Alhaitham. In this sense, Kaveh rejected societal norms and only acknowledged personal value, independent from the economic value they may produce, which in this case was none. Hence why their… friendship fell apart.
We saw him also follow his own principles in A Parade of Providence when he rejected Sachin's nihilistic research, for instance.
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Their core philosophies rely on the concepts of altruism and collectivism (Kaveh) versus individualism (Alhaitham). Kaveh is someone who prioritizes collective well being and is willing to depart from his own gains in order to accomodate others; while Alhaitham is someone who prioritizes individual stability, and he doesn't believe intervening in the status quo serves any purpose unless it produces meaningful change.
For example, in one of their message boards banters, Kaveh empathizes with a group of workers whose experience in their field has been deemed obsolete due to the Akasha and th​​ey can no longer find stable jobs. He offers to put them in contact with someone who is looking to hire, and it seems he plans to aid them with additional money too.
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Alhaitham argues that this single act of kindness is useless, since it doesn’t fix the root cause of the issue: ​​even if Kaveh gives up the money now to help this small group of workers, there are many others suffering from the same problem, and after this job they will still struggle to find another. Society evolves and advances in one direction, and attempting to go against its flow is illogical.
In Alhaitham’s understanding, individual gestures won’t change a system where those without power or capital are left adrift, but Kaveh refuses to stand by to watch people suffer. Still, by giving up his own well being he’s condemning himself to perpetual suffering without a significant purpose other than kindness for the sake of kindness.
(Funny enough, it’s Alhaitham himself who plays a central role in overthrowing the corrupt political class of the Akademiya in the archon quest, thus effectively fixing at least some of those root issues)
The Need to Belong
Kaveh’s altruism is genuine, if a little influenced by his compulsive guilt due to believing that he caused his own family’s demise. He grieves the losses he’s suffered and the loneliness left behind to such a degree that he can’t ignore those in need around him. He aims to help others in order to avoid guilt, yet he himself feels burdened by the weight of his reputation and can’t afford to ask the same from others. When he finds himself in debt and alone, there’s only one person who has remained the same, both in ideals and in terms of his relationship to Kaveh.
On the other hand, Alhaitham had a recluse childhood. His parents died before he was old enough to remember them, and his grandmother allowed him to study at home instead of the Akademiya. As a result, he grew up without forming meaningful interpersonal bonds (except Kaveh) and to be self-sufficient and of independent thought.
Family is, after all, a micro-community: a small group of people who depend on each other to survive. And Alhaitham is a character who lives outside the borders of society, independent from his relationship to others. It is precisely for this reason that he’s able to detach himself from the Akademiya during the archon quest in order to overthrow Azar —even though, as we know, it was a selfish decision in nature, since he wanted to maintain his job as the Scribe (and therefore, the stability that Kaveh relied on).
We’ve seen the problems that belonging to a community conveys in Nahida and Alhaitham’s story quests: the people who wanted to avoid grief by staying with the memories of their dead loved ones, and the scholars who felt ostracized from their community and organized into a hive mind to share their strengths (though at the same time sharing their weaknesses).
Though both gathered people with a unified interest that made the community function, the nature of this collective commitment was fragile and fated to fail. However, rather than focusing on individual faults, it’s important to note the characters who got involved in these communities were more a product of their environment and a victim to their own human vulnerabilities, whether grief, arrogance or loneliness.
Unlike Alhaitham, who has a comfortable job that pays well enough to spend on luxuries and doesn’t have any blood relatives to take care of or fulfill filial piety for, characters like Ilyas were burdened by these constraints, and the additional emotional need to belong in society.
Only focusing on people’s strengths while leaving their weaknesses unattended, like in the Hivemind from Alhaitham’s quest, makes the structure of the community frail and it will easily crumble.
Supplying a means to ignore people’s pains or vulnerabilities instead of actual support, like the illusion world created to avoid grief from Nahida’s story quest, only leads to stagnation.
There are certainly wrong ways to go about in building a society, but the solution is not to become individualistic.
Building A Successful Community
In Nahida’s voicelines she says:
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(In Chinese, that final “us” is between quotes)
Interpreting this line in terms of how society is built, Nahida argues that there are common people who depend on the support of a community to survive and thrive (the “mediocre majority”), so naturally without them there is no nation (“us”).
A nation is not made of exceptional individuals only, nor is it upheld only by those with more power. Everyone deserves to have their needs met, and everyone can contribute in their own ways.
The Grand Bazaar that supports the Zubayr Theater is depicted as a small community which thrives on human connection and collectivism within the borders of the city.
In Nilou’s story quest we see that the locals are fine giving away their merch for free so that the goods won’t be wasted, that they welcome anyone who is willing to be part of them and protect each other fiercely, and that they share a bond that goes beyond just working for wages.
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This quest features a daughter alienated from her father who seeks to escape the burden of the Akademiya’s traditional concept of family, but finds true connection among the theater. When her father threatens to demolish the place, all of them stand together as one and turn this bond into a strength. A debate is held, and Nilou acts as a representative against the Akademiya (and its values).
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Nilou and Sharif's daughter, Inayah, end up winning the debate and their right to remain functioning as a theater.
A collective formed on the basis of human connection is fated to succeed, Nahida is right to consider this in her understanding of an ideal nation.
However, Alhaitham is not blind to this fact either.
Alhaitham’s Tether To Community
He has an exceptional intellect, but that doesn’t mean he lacks emotional intelligence as it’s usually assumed. He may not share the pains of others like an empath, but the archon quest proved that emotion should be appreciated where it’s meant to be valued: this was precisely the key to fight the sages at the Akademiya when they used Cyno as an involuntary mole.
At the end of the Sumeru archon quest, Alhaitham says this about the Grand Bazaar during the toast of victory:
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And then, immediately brings up Kaveh:
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In this sense, it could be said that Kaveh is to Alhaitham what the people at the Grand Bazaar are to each other. A bond formed not on the basis of academic pursuits, but on human connection. It is not measured by the results produced of joint collaboration, and whether there’s failure or success, it can still stand on its own and act as a support for both parties.
Nahida's voiceline:
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Considering Nahida says Kaveh has an almost perfect grasp on what it means to be a nation of wisdom, maybe Kaveh is the person that allows Haitham to be an active part of this ideal society which is based on human connection, altruism and collectivism.
After all, as someone who exists outside of society by choice, Alhaitham has lent Kaveh a hand in a time of need. It is unclear if he owed it to him, since Kaveh refused his part of the house that was a product of their collaboration, but Haitham isn't concerned about it.
Alhaitham’s voiceline:
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Due to his reputation, Kaveh can’t show his vulnerabilities to other people, but there are certainly those who are now able to see through him and support him like Tighnari, Cyno and Alhaitham.
Alhaitham mostly refuses to be part of their little group, but he has Kaveh, their relationship is defined by a concept of community (and, by extension, family) that is unique to them, and based on connection.
Final notes: I left this post up for interpretation, but when I mention "family" it includes romantic relationships. A significant other/romantic partner is a person's family too, and the bond is just as strong and committed as that of platonic or filial relationships. I don't personally ship these characters myself (their dynamic just isn't my cup of tea, otherwise I'd be on board), but fans who do are also engaging in analysis of their dynamic and to me that perspective matters.
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mysicklove · 2 months
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sigh, me and my big mouth got me in trouble again.
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pocketblondie · 22 days
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I sometimes get dms from random men like :
“How would you feel about a girthy 19 cm to **** you deep and hard?”
and not only is it gross and unwanted, but also I have vaginismus so…… good luck trying to enter the fortrussy man….
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Bro low blood sugar is fucking ridiculous.
I’m in my kitchen drinking chocy milk like I wasn’t just crying in my bed because I felt worthless.
Sometimes you really just need a snack
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