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#burzek angst
kim-ruzek · 2 months
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I cannot believe that I'm getting a Brettsey wedding and now Burzek is engaged like I've suffered for so long but now I'm being rewarded so beautifully
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upsteadlover4 · 9 months
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Chapters: 34/? Fandom: Chicago PD (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton, Kim Burgess & Adam Ruzek, Stella Kidd & Kelly Severide Characters: Jay and Will Halstead's Mother, Maeve, Jay Halstead, Hailey Upton, Natalie Manning, Will Halstead, Trudy Platt, Hank Voight, Adam Ruzek, Kim Burgess, Kevin Atwater, April Sexton, Ethan Choi, Violet Mikami, Stella Kidd, Maggie Lockwood, Owen Manning, Randy "Mouch" McHolland, Kelly Severide, Joe Cruz (Chicago Fire), Christopher Herrmann Additional Tags: Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton Fluff, Domestic Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton, Marriage, Love, Best Friends, Multiple Partners, Detectives, Happy, Sad, Angst, Heartbreak, 21st District Police Station (Chicago PD), Family, Children, Celebrations, Reunions, Adoption, Violet - Freeform, Violet Upton, past trauma, Jay Halstead and Hailey Upton get their shit together, ronald booth - Freeform, A happy ending upstead deserve, Wisconsin cabin, all the feels Summary:
When a what-should-be typical case sends Hailey's haunted past flying into her life once again, how will she deal with it? Hailey wants to be able to make amends for her past regrets and make a life that is full of happiness, joy and love, but will she be able to do it? With Halstead and her work family by her side, let's follow Hailey as she navigates life with an unexpected twist.
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americaswritings · 1 year
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When we fall | Part 1
Warnings (for all parts): Fluff, angst!!, description of injuries, blood, violence, use of guns, mentions of death, probably unaccurate policing/medicine
Summary: You moved to Chicago to start a new life. Working as a doctor alongside your brother Connor you make new friends and although you swore to yourself not to let any man in your life at least for a while, your promises fail when you lock eyes with a handsome stranger in a bar.
Words: 6k
Pairing: Jay Halstead x Doctor!Rhodes!reader
A/N: I just started watching Chicago PD (I'm on season 3 now) after I've been watching Fire and Med for years now. I just can't stand Voight so I only began watching for Jay and Burzek! And I am so in love with Jay. Please, this man is perfect. Just look at that handsome face!!
This is going to be a 3 part series I wrote on a whim. Originally I only planned on writing one scene, but then I figured it needed a backstory so this happened...
I have to say I am really proud how it turned out. I was just in such a flow when I wrote it that the story basically wrote itsself. I hope you enjoy and that the characters feel true to themselves :)
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You had only began working at Gaffney Chicago Medical Center a few months ago, hesitant to work alongside your brother but knowing it was an opportunity, which would be stupid not to take.
Having moved to Chicago recently to be close with your brother after a messy break-up, you were still adjusting to your new life.
It was why you were more than relieved when you got along well with your co-workers, especially Natalie and her boyfriend Will.
They were understanding of your situation, were never bothered to show you where to find something at the hospital and made you feel welcome from the beginning as they invited you in on their group plans and joked like you were old friends.
Although you still felt a little uncertain at times to work with your brother, who had made himself a name as a brilliant trauma and cardiothoracic surgeon, he had been supportive since your decision to leave your old town behind and start a new life in Chicago.
Maybe, you thought, coming here had been exactly what you needed. A fresh start, a new beginning with new friends and no men to mess with your heart. At least for now.
“I told you I have sworn off men”, you sighed, shaking your head in amusement at Natalie’s try to play matchmaker. “They’re trouble. I don’t need that in my life right now.”
“Hey!” Will send you a look, though you knew he wasn’t mad. “She’s not wrong though”, April stated and Ethan next to her grinned. “I mean it though”, you said directed at Natalie. “I just want to focus on myself right now. My job. No dating for now.”
Everyone at the table nodded and you relaxed, glad you had found these people, who respected and supported you. “Cheers to that!” April raised her glass and you did the same when you noticed yours was empty.
With a groan you pushed yourself out of your seat and up, gesturing towards the bar. “I’m going to get another drink. Anyone want something?” They all shook their heads, already moving onto another topic.
As you made your way over to the counter you studied the people around you, trying to determine who was a cop, a firefighter and who a regular. Right in the beginning the others had introduced you to Mollys, claiming it was Chicago’s bar where first responders spend their time after shift.
Figuring it might come in handy to memorize some faces you let your gaze drift over the sea of people, recognizing a few men that Connor had once told you worked at the CFD. They were laughing loudly, beers in hand as they seemed to be talking enthusiastically about something.
At the table next to theirs your gaze came to a hold, your eyes caught by a man you had never seen before but looked slightly familiar. Your brows furrowed as you rummaged in your head for something that connected you to him, but you couldn’t find anything.
The people who sat with him didn’t look familiar either, consisting of men and one woman with chestnut hair. Your eyes drifted back to the man, who had caught your attention, his brown hair styled neatly and his hands wrapped around a bottle of beer that he just raised to his lips.
You didn’t meant to stare, but you were mesmerized, torn between trying to determine why he looked so familiar and captured by his effortless handsomeness.
He wore a green shirt, making you think his eyes were the same shade, although it was hard to know with the distance between you.
He seemed relaxed, leant back in his seat but listening to the others conversation attentively. Having sensed someone’s eyes on him he suddenly looked up, his eyes searching the room for a split second before they fell onto you.
Your face heat up as a blush crept up your cheeks, knowing you had missed your chance to turn away. The man raised his brows slightly, in confusion just as much as amusement it seemed, before he lightly lifted his bottle, as if he was saying cheers.
You clutched your glass a little tighter, glad that it had been refilled in the time you had spent gawking at him, and copied the movement, an unstable smile on your lips. Then you turned away, meeting Stella’s gaze from the other side of the bar.
The two of you had met when she had been at the hospital for smoke inhaling a while ago and you had clicked almost instantly, connected by your determination to hold your own in a field still dominated by men. And by your past with toxic relationships as you found out later.
“What was that?”, she asked, a teasing grin tugging at the corner of her lips as her eyes flickered between you and the man behind you. A part of you wanted to ask if he was still watching you, the other longed to forget it had ever happened.
“I don’t know.” You let out a dramatic sigh. “Can we just forget it ever happened?”
Stella’s face lit up, her curls dancing around her face as she shook her head. “Yeah, you wish. But that was definitely something.”
You exhaled, pinching your nose. “Thank you for the drink.” You saw Stella open her mouth in protest at your ignoration of her words, but before she could say anything else you send her an apologetical smile and hurried off.
No one seemed to have noticed your encounter and you slipped into the booth with ease, trying hard not to steal another glance at the unknown man a few tables away.
No men, you reminded yourself. Right now you needed to focus on getting your life together, not getting your heart broken by a handsome stranger.
-
“Dr. (Y/l/n)?” “Yeah?”, your head shot up from where you had filled out paper work. Because Connor and you were only half-sibling, you didn’t share the same last name, something you had been more than glad over when stepping foot in this hospital for the first time.
No one knew where you came from and that you shared genes with the successful Dr. Rhodes and you had left it at that at first, wanting to make your own impression first before dropping the information.
You could still remember their shocked faces, the questions, but most of all the excitement as they asked what Connor had been like growing up. If you had any embarrassing stories to tell or photos to show.
You didn’t, keeping them to yourself for now, because you hadn’t come here to make fun of your brother. He had been your rock through your breakup and your move here, something you were so grateful for you feared you would never be able to show him just how much.
“We have someone hit bit a bullet waiting in the three.” Your eyes widened. “Why didn’t they come with an ambulance?”, you asked, grabbing your iPad along the way.
Maggie waved off your comment, chuckling. “Cops. You know how they are.”
Actually, you didn’t. Coming from a small town you had no experience with shootings and gangs and many of the other trauma causes that were common here in Chicago. It was why you had been so excited about your job offer at the hospital.
Although you were still adjusting to the changes of living in a city and there were downsides you hadn’t considered before, you liked it. It felt so different, giving you the sense that in this city everything could be possible.
So many options and so many possibilities, as if you could completely reinvent yourself. It was thrilling, making you wonder how you had ever lived without the adrenaline rush of stepping into a busy ER.
Quickly scanning the information on your tablet you pulled open the curtain, clamping the iPad under your arm as you disinfected your hands.
“Hi, I’m doctor (y/l/n) and you are?” You glanced up, startled as you met the eyes of a familiar stranger. The man in front of you grinned, seemingly better at covering up his surprise. “Shouldn’t it say my name on your tablet?”
He didn’t sound rude, only a little sarcastic and perhaps even teasing. You gulped, trying to recompose yourself. “Right. I just prefer getting to know my patients myself than just relying on numbers and letters.”
You didn’t see his reaction when you grabbed your iPad again, glancing down at it. “So your name is Jay Hal-” “Halstead”, he finished for you and you looked up at him again.
It made sense now, why he had seemed so familiar to you nights ago at Mollys. “You’re Will’s brother.” The man in front of you, Jay, as you knew now, raised a brow. “Have you considered becoming a detective?”
He was mocking you, again, and you were tempted to smack him with your iPad. “So-”, he paused, letting his eyes drift over you. You felt your body tense under his gaze, cop’s eyes, and stood a little straighter.
“You were watching me at Mollys.”
You pressed your lips into a thin line, biting your tongue. You could only hope the embarrassment that began to sink in didn’t show.
“I was not watching you”, you stated and he raised a brow, daring you to explain yourself. “I just thought you looked familiar, but I couldn’t figure out why. Now it makes sense.”
You turned halfway towards the door, gesturing to the halls where somewhere his brother was treating another patient.
“I don’t think that’s the whole truth.”
You almost gasped at the confidence in his voice, instead blowing out a breath. “It definitely was.”
He shook his head, smiling. “I don’t buy it.”
There were many things you wanted to say to him, but you swallowed them, knowing it was no use. He clearly enjoyed teasing you, so you wouldn’t give him more fuel.
Instead you let out a sigh, shifting into professionality. “So, Mr. Halstead”, you began. “Jay is fine.” You tried not to let his interruption let you lose your string again and nodded. “Jay, you’re here for a bullet wound on your left upper arm?”
Jay nodded, his eyes- they really were green- bright. Pulling on your gloves you decided it was time to reclaim your own position a little. “And you decided to just walk in here instead of coming with an ambulance? Seems a little reckless, don’t you think?”
He raised one brow at your question. “It’s just a graze. I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for my boss.” He rolled his eyes, making you wonder what his boss was like.
“Seems like your boss is a lot smarter than you”, you muttered, but to your surprise Jay grinned. “You’re new here, right? At least I’ve never seen you here before. Do you always talk to patients like that?”
You shrugged, unbothered by his words as you stepped close to him to take a look at his arm. You didn’t know what had gotten into you to talk to him like that, but you had the feeling with him it was fine. That he could take it, perhaps even enjoyed it over your dry professionalism.
“Only to the ones I like best”, you said with sarcasm in your voice, too focused on inspecting his wound to check his expression.
Jay didn’t move under your touch, allowing you to move his arm before you let it go again. He had done this before, probably multiple times. It was why he was so unbothered, perhaps even annoyed to waste his time here on something that seemed unsignificant to him.
For a moment you were tempted to ask him how he could choose a job that demanded such sacrifice, but you didn’t know him and you doubted he would give you an honest answer. Not that you could blame him. You were practically strangers.
And was your job much different? Although you had never been hurt and doubted it would ever happen, you were still making countless of sacrifices for it. Taking on extra shifts, working through the nights, staying longer to take more time for your patients and putting their health over your own sometimes.
“It’s just a graze shot”, you said when you were done inspecting the wound, ignoring his look that seemed to say “told you”.
“But you still need to be careful with it. Give it rest, avoid any rapid movements, don’t lift too heavy with it…I think you know.”
Jay nodded, watching you remove your gloves. “Does that happen often?” He tilted his head in question and you bit your lip. “I mean, you- getting shot on the job.”
“Are you asking if I come here often?” His lips were curled into a lopsided grin, looking way too handsome on his features. You rolled your eyes at his teasing, ignoring the way your heart beat a little faster in your chest. “Forget it”, you stated, throwing your gloves into the bin.
“I am going to tell one of the residents to come and bandage the wound. Then you’re free to go.”
But before you could move the curtain again and leave the room you heard Jay’s voice behind you. “Wait.”
You paused, turning back to him slowly. For the first time he wore a serious expression, his jaw twitching.
“I’m with the Intelligence”, he stated, in a way that told you the name should ring a bell. It didn’t. You were too new to know much about it.
Jay seemed to sense it by your lack of a reaction to his words. “We’re…very involved in the City.”
Whatever that meant. You tilted your head in question. “You mean with the gangs?”
Jay shifted. “Voight, my boss, he can be very- intense.”
You nodded slowly, taking in his guarded expression. It was a topic you wouldn’t pry at. “And you’re okay with it? I mean- you’re just so…casual about this.”
You bit your lip, hesitant to ask him but curious as well. The cops in your home town had barely ever used their weapon to the point you sometimes even doubted they were able to.
Jay shrugged nonchalantly. “Before I worked for the CPD I was in the army. I’ve been through a lot worse than a graze. Getting shot at is just another part of my job.”
A veteran.
In such a short amount of time Jay had revealed so much to you. Suddenly you had a lot more respect for the man in front of you and you wondered if that was his way of coping, covering up his battle wounds and scars with sarcasm and wit.
You swallowed, trying to find words. But none seemed fitting. “Sounds like I will be seeing you here often then.” You kept your voice emotionless, although the thought of seeing Jay regularly made your heart speed up a little. Of course you would prefer different circumstances.
Damn his handsome face and wit.
He grinned slightly, shifting the atmosphere back to something lighter. “Don’t get too excited. I prefer staying bullet free.” “As you should.”
Typing something into your iPad you gave Jay a final nod. “Stay safe out there.” Then you turned to the door, already halfway out when you heard his voice again.
“I don’t even know your name.”
You froze, smiling to yourself when you tried not to put too much weight into the fact that he had called you back a second time. It seemed almost as if he didn’t want you to leave just yet.
But you pushed the thought aside, knowing it was pointless. You couldn’t let yourself get distracted so easily.
Turning back to him you put on a polite smile.
“You’re a detective, figure it out.”
You were surprised by your own confidence, but with Jay you didn’t feel shy or insecure. He made you feel like you could say anything and he wouldn’t mind. The type of man that didn’t get upset easily, so comfortable with who he was that it took a lot to get him to lose his temper.
“I could just ask my brother, you know.”
You shrugged, unimpressed. “If that lets you sleep at night, sure.”
You left the room smiling to yourself and it took you another few minutes to calm your rapid heart and collect yourself.
-
“You didn’t tell me you have a brother!” “What?” Will looked up from the computer, startled by the way you had barged into the break room.
Your shift was over and you couldn’t wait to get home and relax on the couch, but before that you needed to talk to Will. Because after encountering the other Halstead your mind hadn’t been able to let go of what had happened between the two of you. The way he had looked at you, teased you. How he had made you feel nervous and confident in just a matter of moments.
“Why didn’t you tell me you have a brother?” You leaned on the desk, sure that you had Will’s full attention now. “You didn’t tell us you had a brother the first few weeks either.”
“That’s different.” You shook your head. “And I did tell you. So…?”
Will leaned back in his chair, stretching his back. “I didn’t think it mattered. I would have introduced you eventually but- wait, is Jay here?”
You bit your tongue, feeling a little caught. You hadn’t thought that maybe Jay didn’t want his brother to know what had happened. But it was too late now, and anyway, how should you have known?“
"He was. He is fine though.” You kept your words vague, aware that you weren’t allowed to share personal information with Will. Even if they were brothers.
Will let out a sigh. “That idiot. Probably got himself in trouble again.” He reached for his phone across the desk and you quickly got up, straightening.
“You didn’t get it from me”, you threw in before Will could drag you into it and he looked up at you with curiosity in his eyes. “I wasn’t going to mention you.”
“Oh.” You nodded, feeling relieved yet a little flustered. Will studied you with attentive eyes, reminding you of his brother for a second before his expression shifted into suspicion.
“So you met Jay.” He said it in a way that proposed something meaningful behind his words, but you couldn’t figure out why. “I did.” You shifted your weight to the balls of your feet before swaying forward again. A nervous habit. “I bet he’s the younger one.”
“He is, yeah.”
You suppressed a grin. It made so much sense. “So I should probably head home now. I got the early shift tomorrow.”
“Right.” Will nodded, the phone in his hands seemingly forgotten as his eyes were still fixed on you. “Did something happen between you and my brother?”
Your heart sank a little. Were you really so obvious? “I told you I’ve sworn off men. And your brother is- annoying.”
You wished the last part didn’t sound like it came straight from a five year old’s mouth, but it was too late to take back.
“Trust me, I know that.” Will let out a sigh, but you could see the fondness in his eyes. The gesture alone told you they had a close relationship.
A cop and a doctor. What a pair.
“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
-
Weeks had passed since you had last seen Jay. He hadn’t shown up in the hospital again, which you were both glad for and disappointed at, and since you had been taking on extra shifts for a sick co-worker, you had spent almost all your time at the hospital or passed out in your bed.
“You haven’t gone out with us in weeks!” Sylvie was currently trying to convince you to come to Mollys. You had gotten to know her through Stella and the two of you had gotten along well, her sweet and kind nature something that made you feel comfortable around her instantly.
Although you had quickly learned not to underestimate the girl. She was working with a bunch of guys after all and had learned to stand her ground with them.
Sylvie could be very persistent, you realized again when she had called you to invite you to a girl’s night out. “Stella won’t be working today, so it’s our chance to spend the night as just us girls.”
You gnawed your lip, thinking. You were tired, craving your couch and tv more than going out again, but Sylvie wasn’t wrong, you had been mostly on your own the past days. Being a little social and getting out of your own apartment would probably be good.
“Urgh, fine”, you groaned. “But you’re paying my first drink.” You knew Sylvie was smiling triumphantly on the other end of the line. “Deal.” “Now get your ass over here!” It was Stella’s voice in the background and you chuckled. “You are the worst!”
“And you love us anyway”, she chirped and you hung up, shaking your head with a smile on your face.
You hadn’t thought about impressing anyone when getting ready, but you were more than glad you had put a little effort into your outfit and make-up when you stepped into Molly’s that night, your getup like a wall build around you.
“You came!” Stella crossed the room, her voice loud enough for a couple of heads to turn towards you. You could kill her for drawing attention to you, but you forced a smile onto your lips instead, trying not to look at anyone except her.
“Hey”, you muttered, shrugging out of your coat and hugging her. “Wow, girl you look stunning!” Stella’s eyes flashed up and down your body as she let go, a smirk on her face.
“A little quieter, please?”, you almost whispered, aware that you still had the attention of the people around you. Stella seemed either completely oblivious to it all or unbothered, because she grinned at you. “Looking like that you will draw attention to you whether you like it or not!”
You felt your cheeks heat up a little, glad when you spied Sylvie making her way over. “I told her not to make a scene, but she wouldn’t listen. You know how she is!”
You hugged her too, smiling as Stella let out a breath. “I did not make a scene. And I’m standing right here, you know?”
Laughing, the three of you made your way to the back, where you slipped into a booth, your drink already waiting for you. “You know me so well”, you told Stella as you took your first sip, relaxing a little now that the attention had mostly vanished.
“I got you, girl!” Stella winked at you, before launching into a story about their newest rescue. Soon you were enveloped in laughter and smiles, the stress of the last days forgotten for the night.
Only when Stella declared it was time for another round of drinks you felt the exhaustion return to your body. “I think I’m going to head home”, you told them, stretching a little in your seat. “Early shift tomorrow?”, Sylvie asked and you nodded.
“You’re way too selfless, taking on all these extra shifts”, Stella pointed out, but you waved her off. “I’m the new one, so it’s fine. Helps me get to know everyone and everything better and it’s not like I have much to do in this city yet. I only got my gym membership, but I didn’t really have time to look for anything else.”
“See? That’s exactly why you need time off! You should be out exploring the city!” You smiled at Stella’s enthusiasm. “It’s not like it won’t be here tomorrow. I’m planning on staying here, so there’s plenty of time to get to know it all.”
Sylvie offered you a smile. “I’m glad you do. I know it can be quite an adjustment to move to a big city like Chicago, but it will feel like your home in no time.”
You felt your heart squeeze painfully in your chest as you thought back to the past months, which had been filled with nothing but heartbreak, loss and a turmoil of emotions. Even as you had decided to start a new life in Chicago, you had been filled with fear and uncertainty, scared to make the wrong call yet again.
Never could you have imagined to find a job, that was so challenging, but gave you a sense of purpose and a group of friends, that felt like you had met them long ago.
“It already kind of does”, you admitted, your eyes fixed on the empty glass in front of you before you looked up at them again. They both looked at you with big smiles on their faces and you almost felt tears fill your eyes. It had been a long day.
“We should do this more often”, you told them as you got up and grabbed your coat. “That’s what I said!” Stella nodded.
“And I still need to show you that spinning class. You would love it!” Sylvie sounded so excited that you couldn’t help but chuckle. “I am sure. Just text me and we’ll find something.”
“And you’re sure you can’t stay longer?”
Your eyes drifted to the counter as you considered staying for another drink, but your body felt heavy and almost sore from the day’s work. “Next time. But you two have fun and don’t drink too much”, you winked at them.
As you excited the bar you waved towards a few familiar faces before pulling your coat closer around your body to prepare yourself for Chicago’s cold.
Still you shivered as you stepped outside, pulling out your phone to order an Uber. Something you had only done once before, on your way here, but was an easy and quick way of getting around the city.
It would take a few minutes for your driver to arrive and you realized it would have been a lot smarter to wait inside, but you hadn’t thought of it then and you felt too proud to step inside again.
Pressing your hands together you rubbed them against each other a few times to create heat, before slinging your arms around your torso. Chicago’s harsh winters wasn’t something you hadn’t gotten used to yet, but the promise of snow lingering in the air made it almost worth it.
You heard the faint sound of the door opening and closing behind you so you took a step to the side of the building, not wanting to stand in the way of whoever had just left the bar.
To your surprise the person came to stand beside you, his presence alarming you until you glanced up to find none other than Jay Halstead standing next to you.
Immediately your body relaxed again, as if it knew by instinct his presence meant safety. “That was quite an entrance”, he greeted you, referring to the moment you had stepped into Molly’s.
You felt your cheeks flush at the memory, hoping he couldn’t see it in the dim light of the streetlamp. “I didn’t know you were here.” You kept your eyes trained at the empty street in front of you, willing and dreading the moment your driver came to pick you up.
“I was with the unit”, he said and you turned your head towards him. “Are you here often?” He shrugged, his eyes darting to the building. “I guess so, yeah. It’s the place where everyone comes.”
You nodded silently, contemplating his words. “But if I want to be alone, I go to the bar at the corner North Milwaukee Avenue.” You met his eyes curiously. Was he making recommendations, because you were new in the city or did he have another intention?
“So bars and hospitals. Everywhere else I can expect to run into Jay Halstead?” You didn’t know why you asked, but a part of you wanted to know. Wanted to know more about him, what his life was like, what made him who he was.
Jay grinned faintly. “You make it sound like I’ve got issues.” “Do you? Have issues?” You were teasing and he smirked. “Doesn’t everyone?”
“I don’t think I have.” Even as you said it you knew your words couldn’t be farer from the truth. Hadn’t your issues been what had led you here?
Jay watched you for a moment, seemingly picking up on your change of mood, but sensing you weren’t ready to talk about it. You appreciated it, welcoming the silence to sort your thoughts again.
“So what led you here to Chicago?” His question was innocent and something you had been asked countless of times since your move here, but for some reason you felt the urge to be open with him. No lies or excuses.
And even if Jay barely knew you, you thought he would be able to pick up on it. He must be an excellent detective.
“There were some…things I needed to leave behind.” It was vague, but more than you had told most who had asked. Only the girls knew about your breakup, but even with them you hadn’t shared many details.
Jay didn’t ask further, his grave expression suggesting he understood you better than you might have thought. “Why Chicago?” You glanced away from him, taking in the empty road, the skyline with its lights in the background. “I needed a fresh start, somewhere where no one knew who I am. And I got family here, so it made sense.”
You could feel his eyes on you and you swallowed before facing him again. For a moment your eyes locked, none of you saying anything as you started at each other. Jay was the first one to break the heavy atmosphere, a smile dancing at his lips.
“But you’re not a criminal on the run, are you? Because I would have to arrest you, if you were.” The tension that had risen in your body at the mention of your past vanished and you grinned, relieved about his ability to lighten the atmosphere. “What gave it away?”
Jay leaned a little closer, his eyes glistening. “Maybe the way you always look over your shoulder-” You inhaled. Was that really something you did? “-or that you’re nervous around me, a cop.”
The air you had held escaped you in a surprised sound and you hugged your torso a little tighter. “I’m not nervous around you”, you huffed, shaking your head. Jay grinned.
“How is your arm by the way?” You weren’t interested in talking about yourself any longer, shifting the topic onto him. Your gazes travelled down his arm where his jacket was covering the wound you had inspected. It seemed like forever ago and like yesterday at once.
“It’s good. Voight’s keeping me at a leash, make sure I’m 100% before I get into the field again.” He said it like it wasn’t a big deal, but you could hear the strain in his voice. He missed it, being out there on the streets.
“Sounds reasonable to me.” “Yeah.” Jay nodded, a faraway look in his eyes. It seemed like you weren’t the only one with secrets.
You looked up at the sound of a car nearing, a black car approaching the two of you. Checking your phone you held it up. “That’s my ride.”
But you only managed one step towards it before Jay pulled you back, his hand wrapped around your lower arm. You gazed at it, confused and startled by his reaction and he loosened his grip, his hand falling to his side after a moment.
“You know the guy?”, he asked, pointing to the man that was sitting behind the wheel, an impatient expression on his face.
Slowly you shook your head, your eyes flickering between the car and Jay. “But he’s my ride. See-” you held up your phone to him, but Jay paid it little attention.
“Yeah, no, you’re not climbing into that car”, he stated, his voice firm but not unfriendly. “Wait, what?”
Surprised you watched Jay walk towards the car, waiting for the driver to pull down the window before leaning in. You couldn’t hear what was said, only watched the two speak for a minute.
Their conversation ended with Jay handing the man money, before walking back towards you as the car sped away in the darkness.
“What the hell was that?”, you asked as Jay came to stand beside you again, his body just as relaxed as before. “You’re new in Chicago, right?” You didn’t say anything, knowing it was a question he didn’t expect an answer to.
“You should not be climbing into a car with a stranger. And not in the dark.”
Your head spun as you tried to process what he was implying. “It was just an uber! Everyone does that around here.”
You sounded clueless and defensive, shocked about the sudden change of events. Jay eyed you. “Well, then take it from me to never do that again. At least not alone. Chicago’s not a good place, especially for women, trust me on that one.”
You didn’t know what to say, blinking at him as the impact of it sank in. What if Jay hadn’t stepped outside? You doubted anything would have happened, but what if he was right and you had been reckless? Naive?
“So how am I supposed to get around the city then? Because driving in this traffic is madness.”
For the first time since your interruption Jay smiled again. “You can just ask me. I am much cheaper anyway. And on top you will get to see my face.”
You rolled your eyes over his confidence. “Now that’s a deal I can’t decline”, you muttered, fighting the grin that threatened to spread over your face and failing. Damn it.
“But for real, what am I supposed to do? I can’t just call you all the time I want to go somewhere.”
“It wouldn’t be a problem if we went together.”
Your eyes widened as you almost choked on the air. “You mean a date?”
Jay shrugged, his eyes not meeting yours for only a second. “You can pay me back for saving your ass twice.”
“Twice?”
“Getting into that car for one and saving you from freezing here on the street by driving you home.”
Smooth. You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you. “Does that work with every woman you’re trying to impress?”
Jay shrugged, fiddling for something in his pocket before pulling out his car keys. You watched a car light up at the other side of the street, following Jay towards it.
“I wouldn’t know. And who says I’m trying to impress you?”
“Maybe because of this whole I’m-a-cop-and-I’m-so-tough-thing.”
Now it was Jay’s turn to chuckle. “That’s not just a thing. So, what are you saying?”
Oh. You bit your lip, considering the thought of going on a date with Jay. Hadn’t you just recently decided not to date and focus on yourself for a while?
But you couldn’t deny you wanted to say yes. To spend more time around him and enjoy the feeling of ease he gave you.
“Maybe.”
You said it with a teasing smile, scared Jay might take your answer in a bad way, but he sent you a confident grin. “I can work with that.”
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moonyied · 1 year
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INFOS ABOUT O'CHILDREN
• I will put all trigger warmings in every chapter, but since now i can tell you that will be some angst, violence, action and drama all over it, just like the series itself.
• OG Halstead sister center fic, but i will include some other og related to other characters from One Chicago.
• I will change some stuff from canon, like couples and characters that have left:
- this fic will have Rhodestead, Upstead, Burzek, Stellaride, Brettsey and more.
- this will NOT have dawsey or manstead.
(also letting clear that i will not turn Natalie, Gabby or Erin into villans, they gonna show up some moments of course but i will not write too much about them)
- Jay and Antonio will not leave PD.
- Matt and Mills will not leave Fire. Gabby will leave earlier tho.
- and obviously Connor will not leave Med.
• My first language is not english! am a brazilian writer with low experience in writing in another language but i will try my best.
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spiridakos · 8 months
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Going of the answer you just gave in your last ask.
You know what I find funny is the fact that some burzek fans will say that s9 was the upstead show or was a fan service but I’m sitting here confused like did we watch the same season.
Cause the first half of season 9 yes has it’s good upstead moments (them getting engaged, moving in together) but other than that the first half (e4-9. You could even go as far back to say e1) is kinda filled with angst. I can guarantee that no upstead fan wanted that.
Now the second half (e10-22) was like playing hide and seek 😂 you had to sometimes really search for them in episodes.
And even with their centric episodes those were more focused on the case then it was on them as a couple and as individuals.
But then you’ll turn around an episode after and have Kim & Adam centrics back to back that focuses on them as a family and their home life. I just find it all so interesting 🤔🤷‍♀️
I...probably could type an essay here but I'm gonna try to condense my thoughts. And I don't want this to turn into a ship vs. ship thing, because I think at the end of the day that's not really the issue - it's the writing and storytelling.
I quite enjoyed the first half of season 9. It was very strong, very well written, very well strung together. Sure, it was angsty, but it's a procedural drama that's super dark and I want to see that angst and expect it - I want to see them overcome these things and be able to live and breathe for a moment before the next disaster strikes, though.
(Giving these characters a relief post-angst and trauma is another issue entirely that the show doesn't seem to comprehend for any character, but I digress.)
Season 9b....was a disaster to put it lightly. I think the Kim/Adam centric back-half was a problem absolutely - I think we should have seen Jay, Hailey & Kevin's lives thrown into the mix in this back-half. But, the biggest thing that I notice is that 9b is when things seemed to fall apart in a storytelling capacity, and that is exactly when Gwen took the helm as show-runner.
I will end this answer with saying: I hate the character central episodes and I need them to be abolished immediately.
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cpd-55055 · 1 year
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i would like to hear your honest opinion do you think that since a few seasons (seasons 8, 9 and 10 1/2) PD has become boring in terms of story and writing and in general?
Short Answer: Definitely! They have lost their creativity and intensity. In the past seasons, every episode brought us to the edge of our seats. But now, both the cases are boring, and the personal stuff is getting repetitive.
Long Answer:
You probably didn't ask for a rant, but I'm giving it to you anyways. Sorry in Advance! 😊
To be honest, S8, as a whole, wasn't that bad. The Upstead stuff was amazing. Kim's story with Makayla was really sweet and meaningful for the character. I liked Kevin's storyline at the beginning and how the Doyle shooting was wrapped up. But I didn't like how every Kevin episode was about the blue wall and his race. Vanessa's sudden disappearance is something that still bothers me, but I guess we have to blame COVID for that. The cases were interesting and intense at the same time. And although it was a character-centric format, I really think the balance between personal and case was good. And let's not forget the epic finale they had. In my opinion, the best finale PD has ever done.
For S9, you have to evaluate it as two parts, 9a, and 9b. 9a was really good. The continuation of the Roy storylines was perfect, and the end, even though it felt a little anticlimactic with North's character, was a decent wrap to the storyline. The Upstead angst was worth it. The flow was starting to become choppy, but since the content was so good, I ignored it.
9b, on the other hand, was just a disappointment. Anna was introduced in 9a, and I still don't understand why they couldn't wait till 9b. Her character was so confusing. I liked her sassiness and her boldness, but her relationship with both Voight and Jay was all over the place. I also don't understand what the whole point was of having Jay create "a deal" with Voight in 9x09 if he never actually followed through with it. I liked the whole Kim fighting for Makayla during the adoption, but everything after that felt pointless. Like they needed something to give Burzek a storyline. There was no reason to kidnap and traumatize a young girl who was already previously traumatized. Instead of showing Makayla recovering from her kidnapping, they should have taken those episodes to focus more on Kim and her trauma after losing her baby one season and then being shot and left to die the next. Don't get me started on Kevin and his "relationship" with Celeste. I actually thought Celeste and Kevin had great chemistry and potential, but they literally ruined it in the first episode they introduced Celeste. Kevin deserved better than that. Anna's storyline had way too much focus than it needed. It just dragged on for too long, and the finale was just sad. There was no intensity or drama. Compared to its previous finale, this one was boring. Still bitter that we never got Will and Hailey scenes in 9x13 and never got worried Jay in 9x22. Why spend so much money and time on an explosion if there is no drama afterward.
S10 so far... let's see. The Anna stuff of 10x01 felt weird. We never really saw Voight move on from Anna's death. It just felt incomplete. And somehow, all this mess led to Jay crossing lines and deciding to leave 3 episodes later. The biggest disappointment of this season is how Jay was written out. He deserved better than being given 3 episodes to exit. It was rushed, sudden, and truly unnecessary. I'm glad that Hailey is getting a lot of screentime, but I'm not glad that all her screentime is sad Hailey on repeat. The acting is superb, but come on, stop finding more ways to make her sad. I'm not gonna dig into Burzek's situation, and how I feel about that. All I'll say is I just hope they stay like this. Torres is an interesting character, and I like his partnership with Kevin, but I do wish that they did a Torres episode before Jay's departure. Jay was the one that brought Torres to the unit; it would have been nice to see Jay help Torres fit in and slowly shift to Torres and Kevin. And I feel like it's a season too late to bring up Kim's trauma. My guess is they're gonna use this to bring Kim and Adam together, but why didn't they do it last season. I guess the only good that that's come out of S10 so far is how quiet Voight's character is. He has truly been in the background, even during the Sean/Chief stuff.
I think the big difference for me is that during S8, I was actually interested in every character's episodes. But now, I could care less what happens to everyone else. All I care about is Hailey and hoping that there is a happy ending for Upstead.
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mindyourownbiscuitss · 3 months
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The thing that doesn’t make sense is the promotional pictures that were released after the finale aired.
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This definitely wasn’t aired. It had to have been filmed. If I’m remembering correctly, and using the terminology right, this episode wasn’t locked before the writers strike started. Which means the writers and showrunner didn’t have final say in the edits of the episode. That’s why we had Mouch bleeding out before the proposal scene. It made no sense. Unless they can’t use old footage, it’ll suck to not see her answer. I really hope that it’s used in a flashback like some others have theorized.
This happened on PD too!
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I don’t watch PD anymore, but I know this wasn’t aired. A lot of people were mad because it looked like it was supposed to be a full circle moment for Burzek. I wonder if the same thing will happen on PD, too. Not being able to see it play out.
I guess if all ends well, I won’t be too mad. I’m not even going to entertain that they could write Brett saying no and cause us more angst. Let Brett and Kara go out without drama, please and thank you.
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Text
Fearless (Taylor's Version) as One Chicago Ships
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Howdy! Here it is lyrics or whole songs from Fearless (Taylor's Version) I think apply to One Chicago Ships. Just like for Red (Taylor's Version) I'm doing all cannon ships as they are easier for me to connect songs and lyrics to.
Note: Some sound like I'm just having a conversation with myself oops. It's also a lot of Burzek cause of the status of their relationship and the types of songs from this album. I'm sorry, I hate it too.
Fearless
Brettsey: “There’s a glow off the pavement, you walk me to the car And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there In the middle of the parking lot” You can’t tell me that Sylvie doesn't ask Matt to do this. She probably asked after they talked outside Molly’s in 10x5. 
Burzek: Verse 2. I am picturing this as Adam thinking about Kim, but definitely can be switched around.
Hawkami: “You take my hand and drag me head first, Fearless” Violet was so nervous and then Evan just reassured her we got this amazing ship out of it.
Upstead: “You pull me in and I’m a little more brave. It's the first kiss, it’s flawless, really something.” reading this really reminded me of their first kiss
Love Story
Burzek: “We were both young when I first saw you I close my eyes and the flashback stars I’m standing there.” I started crying when I realized this was them. I thought you should know.
I could have related more couples to this song but once I connected that first verse to Burzek my brain stopped functioning and I couldn't connect the song to anyone else.
Hey Stephen
Brettsey: “Boy, you might have me believing I don’t always have to be alone” “Can’t help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain” Sylvie is a hopeless romantic and wants to kiss Matt in the rain all the time and you can't change my mind.
Stellaride: “Why are people always leaving? I think you and I should stay the same” Ope little angst there, but everyone has left Kelly. BUT no worries cause, STELLARIDE IS MARRIED and they are staying the same.
Upstead: “I’ve been holding back this feeling So I’ve got some things to say to you” May I point you to the end of 8x3 where Hailey says “It’s been a long a long time since I saw you as just my partner.”
Burzek: “The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name It’s beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change” I read this and just thought of Adam calling Kim darling and I just know down in my heart Kim doesn't want him to stop calling her that.
Hawkami: “Come feel this magic I’ve been feeling since I met you” I’ve already determined that Sparks Fly is their song and this line is the same.
White Horse
Burzek: Unfortunately many of these angsty lyrics could relate to them being broken up and sad, AND I HATE IT.
You Belong With Me
All of the ships as they all belong together. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk
Breathe
Burzek: Hello another sad breakup song I am relating to them.
Brettsey: “I see your face in my mind as I drive away ‘Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way” Now I’m not saying they are broken up, because I don't think that has happened. I refuse to believe it until it is explicitly said. I can see this as Matt starts his trip out to Oregon from either one of them.
The Way I Loved You
Ok so hear me out. The verse where she talks about how wonderful the guy is I feel could go towards any of them. 
Also the line “You’re so in love that you act insane” could go for any of them. 
Examples: Casey jumping out of the truck for Brett. Stella staying back in multiple fires for Kelly and Kelly doing the same for Stella. Adam fighting with Kev while Kim is missing (still hate that they literally got in a fist fight during that and then just best buddies next episode and seemingly didn't talk about it). Literally everything with North and Voight in season 9 for Upstead. Evan doing everything he can think of to save Violet’s job.
The Best Day
Burzek and Makayla: They are this whole big round thing. I hear “But I know I had the best day with you today” and think of all of them together and the video of Adam dancing in the tutu. 
Jump Then Fall
BRETTSEY: I made a post one time when I was listening to the song and just knew it was them, especially in the beginning when they were happy.
Untouchable
I think of this song as just being so enamored with someone and could see this with any of them.
The Other Side Of The Door
Burzek: I can't do this anymore. This is me begging the writers to have them work their shit out and just get back together. Just honestly put us Buzek shippers out of our misery.
Today Was A Fairytale
It's just a good ole fashioned love song. What more can I say? It applies to all of them being happy and in love. 
You All Over Me
I think you all know where I’m going with this, but this time I’m giving you a lyric.
Burzek: “But no amount of freedom gets you clean I’ve still got you all over me” They will always be connected no matter what, especially now with Makayla.
Hawkami: Verse 2 the “And  your ‘Don’t you wish you had me?’ grin Well I did, so I smiled And I melted like a child” This is basically what happened at the Gala change my mind.
We Were Happy
Burzek: Unfortunately as the writers are cowards and won't give them back to us.
Brettsey: I know they aren't explicitly broken up, but I know they aren't happy as they want to be/could be.
That’s When
Brettsey: The way it starts out reminds me of the conversation about Matt moving to Oregon and Sylvie had to think about what she wanted to do. Then they just worked it out and everything is ok for now.
Bye Bye Baby
Refusing to say who I relate this song to, but I think you all know at this point.
Brettsey: Hear me out. Not in a broken up sense just a LDR sense.
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cpd5777 · 2 years
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i know the season is only just over, but do you already have personal wishes for the 10th season? and do you think they'll repeat the guilt trip with hailey about anna? i just hope that she can't and shouldn't blame herself for anything
Hello! No I absolutely do not think they will repeat the Hailey guilt trip. I think of course Hailey will feel bad for the loss of life. But they all know it was a good shoot.
My wishes for Season 10 in no particular order.
1. Burzek: No more random back and forth and angst. I hope Kim and Makayla (and Adam, although my understanding is he offered it to them only if they wanted) live in that house and make it into an awesome home for Mak. I love burzek but I am not sure I think they are endgame anymore. They just keep hurting each other. I almost would like to see one of them find someone else at this point who is amazing and for Kim and Adam to just be besties and coparent Mak.
2. Kevin: just more Kevin in general. I want to see him developing his real estate. I want to see him with someone he can be his whole self with. I want to see him kick ass and be promoted to detective.
3. Trudy- more Trudy full stop
3. Voight- I want to see him find a life outside of work. I think the fact that all he has is the job makes him a worse cop. I think he needs balance. I hope he finds it and that leaves room for Hailey and Jay to step up and lead more.
4. Jay: I want Jay to mentor more young cops. I think this connects him to the whys of policing in a good way. I want to see him lead more and I want to see how he works through tough calls with Hailey by his side.
5. Hailey: I would love to see Hailey teaching at the academy and what she has to offer there. Would also love to see them explore her past a bit more, maybe would like to even see the dynamic with her family brought in. I would also like to see HER lead more too. I want to see how they work through tough situations at work and home.
6. Upstead: I want more domestic moments, more supportive moments, more thing that works chats. And I would not complain about more hot moments. Ever.
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gregorygerwitz · 10 months
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Hi Alex! Absolutely love the New Girl AU! 🤩 If you feel like it, can you tell us who's who in this universe or a bit more about it in general? Are only characters from PD in this (like I could see Stella as Cece somehow but not sure how/if it would fit)? I'm being a curious cat as usual🤗
Hi!
Honestly, this AU is not fleshed out as much as it seems like it is. I'm not allowed to make it super fleshed out or I will try to write it. And I simply do not have the time or energy to do that right now (life is so much more than I thought it would be I am stressed and overwhelmed)
But the short version:
Kim is Jess Adam is Nick Mouse is Schmidt Jay is Winston Hailey(?) is Cece
Obviously, *gestures to my entire being*, I'm not going to follow all of the exact storylines from the New Girl canon. It literally just started as a joke about Burzek having Nick/Jess energy, and then Mouse and Schmidt are both slutty rich boys, and then the storyline of Winston returning in episode two and replacing Coach (Antonio) just kind of... idk, it fit well with CPD's canon and Bolivia so I let my brain do it.
Also Cece could be either Hailey or Erin, honestly, my brain just went with Hailey first so I let them happen.
There is little to no detail here, just chaos. Silly chaos to get me through a very anxiety inducing weekend. With spoiled rich boy angst for Mouse because my chaos has to be predictable sometimes.
As of right now, there are only PD characters involved, but that's just because I have no intention of actually doing anything with it. It's too dangerous to let it expand (I am thinking about doing a side of Rhodestead in here somewhere, so it might expand without my permission, but it's fine)
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justmypartner · 2 years
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Only notable moments from that finale were:
Jay holding Hailey’s hand in the beginning, Hailey standing up for herself, upstead angst followed by “where you go, I go”, & Kev and Burzek catching the biggest cartel bust in Chicago
Thank you for joining me on this slightly disappointing finale liveblog journey.
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kim-ruzek · 2 months
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You are wonderful ❤️❤️
Burzek are engaged, and Makayla is thriving.
Brettsey is engaged, getting married, adopting Julia, and they have the Darden boys. Jesse Spencer is returning to our screens.
People are just haters and trolls, and they need to get a life. They can't stand that the two couples they didn't think would get back together are thriving. After all the hurt and angst, they are moving forward.
Thank you <3
Seriously, thank you for this ask. It made me smile and I really did need that smile. And that lil bit of a pep talk because YES our babies are moving forward past all their hurt and angst and our having their happy endings and that is delightful and they so deserved it.
I can't believe I've gotten an ask saying both Brettsey AND Burzek are ENGAGED and that is TRUE and our actual reality. My B girlies are getting married and I still can't fully get over it.
And you're right about all the haters. They really can't stand it, for both of them, they thought this would never happen and they can't handle the reality that they ARE and that they're thriving!
Thank you for asking!!
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go-to-two · 1 year
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what made you think Paddy was leaving if you don't mind??
Alright so in regards to last season...
Out of the show's universe is hard to guage because again, it's all very personal. Paddy has always seemed the most disengaged (for lack of a better term) with the show on social media. He also had a few interviews where he seemed very "eh, it is what it is" about the writing of his character towards the end. But these obviously meant nothing and maybe that's just Paddy, and that's fine!
Now, in the universe. I'm never shy about saying that the way they have written Burzek baffles me. I couldn't figure out why why would write him into somewhat of a parental role only to crush it and not fix it. Kim and Adam were not on great terms at the end of last season. It's something they just kind of pretended didn't happen this year, but they weren't doing super well together at all. I was thinking the angst between Kim and Adam was a way to build up emotional stakes either for a death or justification for Adam to leave if they needed to write Paddy out. Obviously my interpretations were off and that's gone, but that was my thinking at the time.
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fighterkimburgess · 2 years
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Breathe Easy
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Summary: When Kim gets devastating news she decides the best thing to do is hide it. But when things go wrong, hiding it could cost her everything. Day Five of Burzek appreciation week.
Words: 2k
Warnings: major chronic illness diagnosis, cystic fibrosis, surgery mention, transplant mention, collapsing, medical procedures, angst with ambiguous ending.
Kim had always thought that life changing events should happen on a Monday or a Friday. At the start or end of the week. Wednesdays just didn’t feel right for them to happen.
In her defence, she’d been shot on the Monday. And that had started the whirl of changes and battery of tests, culminating in fear in Will Halstead’s eyes as he watched her O2 sats hit 78 while she was sitting up talking to him fine. So she was rushed to pulmonology and they ran tests. Lots of them.
This was not the news she’d thought she’d receive.
“Officer Burgess, we’re still waiting on the genetic testing. But based on the sweat tests and the biopsy results we’re confident that you have cystic fibrosis.”
“Cyst…Sixty five roses? What is it?” The words were unfamiliar in her mouth, automatically changing them to familiar ones.
“Cystic fibrosis. It’s a disease that means the mucus in the body doesn’t drain properly. It explains why you feel run down a lot, why you said you’ve always had digestive issues. We need to put you on the transplant list right now, Kim. You need a lung transplant and you’ll be going in on a high status.”
The day was a whirlwind of information and patient packets, the new diet she had to stick to religiously with more salt than she’d have ever thought normal. The way she was officially forever on desk work and could probably just retire. But finally she was discharged with a mountain of prescriptions and a new pill regime she could never forget, and the crushing knowledge that she was dying.
Actually dying. And if she didn’t get a lung transplant in the next few months, she’d be dead. Kim Burgess wasn’t even thirty yet, but according to the specialists she should already be dead anyway.
Thursday morning dawned too early, Kim taking her tablets and eating her breakfast before getting to the district before anyone else. Her previous multiple cups a day coffee habit was a thing of the past, caffeine one of her numerous enemies. Along with alcohol, too much fat and protein, and anything that had a possibility of making her sick. If she’d known the last time she’d get to have a rare steak with a beer was last week, she’d have had it every day. But she needed to talk to Voight, knocking on her Sergeant’s office door and entering when he called.
“How’re you feeling? How long are you going to be on the desk for?”
Kim took a deep breath, sitting down and looking up before speaking.
“I think I need to retire, Sarge. I’ll be riding the desk for life. They found an underlying issue when I went in for the graze. I have cystic fibrosis.”
It was the first time she’d said the words out loud, and out of everyone she knew Hank Voight was not the person she wanted to say it to first. She’d been a cop for less than six years, and she’d loved every single moment of it. But now it was going to be over.
“You can stay here on the desk. Do you want to let people know?”
It took a few minutes to fill him in on everything, the transplant list, her brand new transplant beeper that she had to wear at all times, how different things would be. Instead of her immediate worry of getting kicked to retirement Voight surprised her.
“We need a new liaison, you can do it. It’ll keep you up here, and once you get your new lungs you can decide if that’s what you want to do, or if you want to retire then. What are you going to tell the team?”
“I don’t know.” She hadn’t even considered it. “If I tell them just how sick I am then I’ll never get any peace. I just want to get to be normal for a little while. Maybe that I’m waiting for surgery? They don’t need details.”
“If you’re sure.”
She wasn’t, not nearly. But this meant no awkward questions, nobody wondering where she was on the list, what it was like. Getting them from Kevin would be bad enough, but the looks from Al and Antonio, Hailey and Jay. And Adam worrying about her. She couldn’t deal with him being afraid for her. So she would lie and claim it was nothing serious.
Kim stayed behind, smiling at everyone leaving, turning down the dates Adam asked her on because she couldn’t bear to go out with him and tell him the truth.
The jokes were actually funny, people guessing what she had. Kevin had guessed pregnancy and she immediately shut it down, pointing out the surgical aspect. The other guesses were mostly to do with her joints, apart from Adam asking if she was getting her appendix out electively. But she smiled and shook her head, every time they said anything fingering the pager in her pocket and praying it would go off.
The hope that it would was strange. She was essentially waiting for someone to die so she could live, and it left a foul taste in her mouth that she was literally waiting for death. It felt ghoulish.
The worst part, apart from regular therapy sessions to come to terms with her impending mortality, was that nobody even noticed. She knew she was always good at hiding her issues, she could keep herself together whenever she needed. But that nobody had notice wounded her in a weird way. Even though she knew it was what she wanted.
The afternoon her pager went off she’d nearly forgotten it. She was in the car, about to leave, and the thought of trekking up to the apartment was too much. But she needed it, she needed to make sure she had it.
The rest of the unit were on the way back when it went off, the blue see through plastic nearly vibrating off the desk. She stood, preparing to make the phone call to confirm and then ask Trudy to bring her to Med. But before she could call downstairs her head went light and she fell to the floor, breaths growing more ragged as she struggled to yell for someone to hear. The cacophony from downstairs continued as her vision grew blurry, the cable from her monitor just out of reach before the world went black.
The lobby of the 21st was pandemonium when Adam arrived back. Kim’s research had yet again paid off for them, revealing a stash house with a hundred grand worth of pure heroin. By the time it was processed it could have been worth a million, and it was off the streets. Everyone else was clearing up red tape, but Voight had told him to go back and check on Kim.
Shift change for patrol was happening, so he dodged around officers and gave Platt a nod in promise to come down and talk to her later, before keying in his code and taking the stairs two at a time. But once he was nearly at the top his heart stopped.
“PLATT! WE NEED AN AMBULANCE!” His radio was still on his hip, pulling it out to make the call. “50-21 Ida, we need an ambo to the 21st district, officer collapsed. She’s barely breathing, we need someone now.”
Dispatch confirmed but he didn’t notice, too focused on Kim on the ground. She was breathing so shallowly that if it wasn’t for the wheezing he didn’t know if he’d realise. Her pulse was thready, and something was buzzing wildly that he couldn’t recognise. Trudy was upstairs in seconds, looking stricken. There was more noise up the stairs as the rest of the unit came in, Kevin dropping to his knees on Kim’s other side.
“What happened?”
“I came in and she was like this. I dunno how long. There’s something on her desk going off.”
Voight went across and grabbed something plastic, holding it up as the paramedics arrived. He stepped back to let them work on Kim, watching her be intubated and getting awful memories from when she was shot years before.
“It’s her beeper.”
“Why does Kim have a beeper? It’s not like she’s a drug dealer.”
“We can let one person come with us. Does she have any health issues?”
“She’s on the transplant list for new lungs thanks to cystic fibrosis.” Adam would have turned to stare, but he was being pushed forward with Kim’s gurney.
“What do you mean she’s on the transplant list? And you didn’t say?” Platt’s voice faded as Adam followed the gurney down, watching as the purple ambubag was squeezed every few seconds.
If you asked him how he got to Med, he had no idea. Adam couldn’t remember the journey, just the way Will Halstead had pushed him aside to let them do their jobs. He was brought to a waiting room, sitting in silence as the almost forgotten prayers of his childhood ran through his mind in a desperate attempt to somehow help Kim. She needed to be ok. Whatever it was, they'd do it. Together.
Kevin was first, quickly followed by Al, Antonio, Jay, and Hailey. He nodded at each of them, still staring at the glass walls.
“She’s gonna be ok,” Al whispered, Adam wanting to take comfort from the words.
“She was so pale. If I…”
“You won’t.”
When Voight and Trudy came through the door he couldn’t make himself look at either of them. Trudy because she hadn’t heard, even though he knew it wasn’t her fault. And Voight had known. He knew she was dying and didn’t say anything to anyone. Not even a heads up to keep an eye on her. It was irrational and he knew Kim wouldn’t have wanted people to know but when were feelings ever rational?
“Kim Burgess?” Rhodes walked in, looking at the group who stood up. He’d had drinks with Rhodes, seen him on good and bad days. Watched him save Herrmann’s life. And he was walking straight towards him.
“Kim put you down as her next of kin. Do you know what’s going on?” He shook his head in awe. She’d put him down? Him? Even when they were fighting and not getting along she trusted him with this. He’d never understand why.
“She’s got cystic fibrosis, it affects how you take in oxygen. Kim was on the transplant list, and we’ve got lungs on the way from Detroit in a couple of hours. But there’s a catch.”
Connor explained that Kim couldn’t keep her oxygen levels up on her own, that they’d put her on a form of life support to make sure the oxygen got into her blood. There was so much to think about but he just nodded.
“Will the new lungs help?”
“Yes. But we need to keep her alive till they’re here. You can sit with her until we’re ready to move her to the OR, if you want?”
It didn’t take more than a second for the nods to start. He ignored the huffing from around him, instead focusing on what he needed to do for Kim. Be there for her. Support her. Make sure she knew she wasn’t alone.
The pump Kim was hooked up to was terrifying. She was unconscious, skin pale and eyes closed. Adam sat beside her, taking the uncanulated hand and squeezing lightly.
“You could have told me, you know. I’d have kept it secret. I didn’t even notice that you were dying.” The dull beep of her heart rhythm helped him, the solid reminder that she was still alive.
“I’m gonna be here when you wake up. Because I love you and I can’t lose you. And I’ll tell you this over and over again until you believe me.”
It was silent between them until Rhodes came back to take Kim to the OR, leaving Adam in an empty ED bay praying to a God he’d stopped believing in that Kim would be ok.
Burzek Taglist: @aruzlover @haiileyshalstead @morganupstead @adamruz @fullwattpadmusictree @redpoodlern @everythingaddictxx @write4life13 @jeanjacketjesus @tuxieboy101-blog @thelittlepterophyllum @planecrazylex @sophiatellerrhodes @ossypooh @kimburgess-ruzek @thestarrynightslover @reidskitty13 @etamne @torreshalstead @itsnotpersonalbut @kellykidd @dedlund82 @pinkwhitebrown @mmacke3613 @upsteadlovingheart @ittybitty-tittycommittee @takemetooneverlanddd @oracle23 @thedefinitionofendgame @headlightsatmidnight @butterflylies @afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff @withakindheartx @bebataylor84 @whoiamwhoistrivetobe @multicouple-lover @keenmarvellover @daniellexoc3
11 notes · View notes
chicago pd 10x11
GUYS
IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS EPISODE
I WANNA LEARN MORE ABOUT KEVIN
WE GET TO MEET HIS DADDDD
ahhhh
im so nervous
oh yippee
it start w/ a funeral
im already invested
‘its all politics kev’
‘okay, i hear you over there being a cynic’
but is she wrong kev?
is she wrong?
no
she's not
oh no
NO
COME ON
KIM
THEY CANT LEAVE HER ALONE
and oh my god
chicago pd writers not ignoring the trauma that kim went through????
*gasp*
that's a first
‘its just too much caffeine’
‘mhm’
kev not buying her bullshit
i miss my patrol buddies
back when they were so innocent
‘i raise you, its a little bit of both’
‘mhm’
best buddies
ahhhhhh
KEV AND KIM GETTING TOGETHER AND SHARING THEIR FAMILY
I LOVE ITTTT
I WANNA SEE IT SO BADLY
ohhhh
this is his father isn’t it????
ITS HIS FATHER
OH MY GOD
I KNEW ITTTTT
I FUCKIN KNEW IT
aw no
im not prepared for this
aw kim looking out for kev and kev looking out for him
i love it so much
oh my god what the fuck
THAT CAR CAME OUT OF NO WHERE
OF COURSE IT STARTS SHOOTING
OF COURSE
my god
bro
come on
kev’s vest isn't even on properly
I DONT WANNA THEM TO GET HURT CUZ THEY DIDNT PUT ON THEIR VESTS PROPERLY
kev looking for his dad
im not prepared for this angst
please tell me he doesn't do something stupid and delete the photo
kev is a good cop
oh noooo
hes close to crying
noooooooo
my baby
my poor baby
‘for good behavior’
im excited to find out why that's such a surprise
kev doing his job like a good cop
we love to see it
oh no kev
what're you gonna do now???
IS HE GONNA TELL VOIGHT
ohhhh that poor boy
this poor child
i feel so bad for this kid
oh kim letting kev take the lead
we love to see it
KEVINS SO SWEET
hes so understanding
and i love him
so so so so so much
hes amazing
chicago pd please give kevin a good storyline
please give him a love interest that deserves him
please let him be happy
please
oh this big guy is gonna be kevin’s father i can feel it
oh nvm
torresssss
my bby
adammmmmm
my loveeeeeee
haILEY
SHES SO PRETTYYYYYYYY
im not okay
im not
BURZEK
my babies
please let them be okay this season
ohhhhh
this is gonna be an interesting conversation
kevin and adam and kim are besties
and i want them to spend more time together
‘i'll let you know, promise’
‘oookay?’
he says very confusedly but lets her go anyway
kim looKS SO FUCKIN GOOD
oh we love to see the patrol babies looking out for each other
voight and atwater
the father-son duo that we love
see, this is why i love kevin
hes a sweetheart who's doing his best
he recognizes when to lie and when to tell the truth
he knows the value of his job and doesn't want to unnecessarily endanger that just bcuz he doesn't like the truth of whatever’s happening
he has strict morals that he follows and he acknowledges that he makes mistakes and knows that he can improve
he also
doeSNT FUCKIN KEEP SECRETS FROM VOIGHT
FUCKIN EVERYBODY ELSE
FROM ANTONIO TO JAY TO HAILEY TO KIM TO VANESSA TO ADAM TO ERIN TO AL
E V E R Y O N E
HAS KEPT SOMETHING FROM VOIGHT
EVEN TORRES HAS
THE WHOLE THING WITH DETECTIVE DICK LAST EPISODE????
YEAH HE KEPT THAT FROM VOIGHT
KEVIN IS THE ONLY ONE
WHO
HASNT
LIED
TO
VOIGHT
he deserves so much better
and ik for a FACT
that chicago pd writers are going to ruin his character
i fuckin know it
okay
back to me being dramatic about the show
now
voight is asking questions about kevin’s father and im interested
poor kevin
he deserves so much better
voight looking out for him is so sweet
‘ill tell ‘em’
is amazing
bcuz the team is his family
the family that he deserves
and the family that loves him
god im so nervous for this part
oH MY GOD
THEY HAVENT SAID ANYTHING
BUT IM ALREADY CRYING
ohhhhhh
im so scared for how this is gonna go
this conversation is unsettling to me
‘i know that's not the truth’
come on man
tell himmm
TELL HIM THE TRUTH
poor kevin
they keep hurting him
and me
i can't
kevin can never get a break can he?
thank you kevin’s father
oH SO NOW YOU WANNA ASK ABOUT JORDAN AND VANESSA???
NOW YOU WANNA ASK
oh mY GOD
laroyce hawkins is an amazing actor
that break in his voice kills me
oooo
this'll be fun
ITS ONLY FIFTEEN MINUTES INTO THE EPISODE AND SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED
oH MY GOD
THATS SO FUCKIN VIOLENT
HOLY SHIT
oh nooooo
thERES A BABY
THAT POOR CHILD
AWWWWW
I WANNA CRY WITH THIS KID
THIS POOR POOR BABY
aw kevin covering the child of this baby
im soft
'emphatic no’
we love to hear it
kevin
my poor sweet child
kim doing her best to distract kevin and then giving up and just straight up asked him
we love it
i wanna see kim and kev and adam go out for drinks and talk about the terrible shit that's gone on in their lives and i want kevin to be okay
i need it actually
god
im dying here
chicago pd writers need to stop hurting me
seriously
im too sensitive for this
oh no
his dad’s here isn't he
oh fuck you kevin’s dad
fuck you
how dare you
kevin still doing his job
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH YOU DONT UNDERSTAND
kevinnnnnnn
im so sorry my love
kevin my dearest child
i must hold and comfort
i must
goddamnit kevin’s dad
you better be telling the truth
why do i feel like hes hiding something
GODDAMMIT KEVIN’S DAD
YOU WERENT EVEN THERE FOR MAJORITY OF HIS LIFE
YOU DID SOMETHING STUPID
AND THEN HIS MOM DIED
AND HE HAD TO RAISE VANESSA AND JORDAN
AND YOU WANNA PLAY THE GUILT CARD????
NAH MAN 
YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF
‘do i look angry right now? i don't got time for that.’
mY POOR CHILD
stop this hurt
stop it
hes juST
nO
I HATE THIS
SO MUCH
poOR KEVIN
adam and kevin
my loves
they are brothers
kevin
please
for the love of god
TALK TO ADAM
kev
the fuck are you doing
kevin
please
ik hes doing his job
but like
I DONT WANT HIM TO GET HURT
voight looking out for kev
again
I love it
THE USAGE OF HIS FIRST NAME
GODDAMMIT
torres
my boy
kev and dante
i love it
dante reassuring kevins father
idk how to feel about that
TORRES IS STEPPING UP
MY BOY
this meet is scaring me
oh wait
kevin’s father is telling the truth
oh my god
he was telling the truth
waIT
HOLD ON
OH MY GOD
SO HE WAS A GOOD FATHER??????
this meet isn't gonna end well
danteeee
ma boi
i love you
god 
i love him so much
hes great
ilovehim
now i feel bad for kevin’s father
im not okay
aw my poor kevin
my poor child
my poor poor child
‘hm’
‘hm’
we love the communication guys
adam and kim
looking out for their brother
i want a heart to heart with them
but i also don't trust kevin’s dad
im conflicted
WHY WONT THEY MAKE KEVIN HAPPY
WHY
oh comE ON
thEY WERE STARTING TO TALK IT OUT
GODDAMMIT
STOP
I DONT LIKE THIS
*gasp*
waIT
IS KEVIN’S DAD GONNA DIE?????
I DONT WANT HIM TO DIE
I DONT LIKE HIME
BUT I DONT WANT HIM TO DIE
i dont like how this is playing out
kevin’s dad, tf are you doing man
torres
be smart
oh good god
im too scared to watch this
‘i get the whole story playboy’
bitch i will smack you
upton and ruzek in sync
thEY BOTH GOT OFF THE BENCH AT THE SAME TIME AND IN THE SAME WAY
I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW THAT
bruh what is this nonsense
whats happening
im noT READY
god
kevin’s dad is gonna die
i can feel it in my bones
they won't let kev be happy
they never will
goDDAMMIT
IM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS
thiS IS SO INTENSE
AUGEVPIWE
IM NOT READY
trudyyyyy
my mother who raised me
i need more of her
ooooooo
ITS SO INTERESTING
come on
please don't kill kevin’s father
kevin
please tell me that youre thinking clearly
kim’s face just reads ‘somebody fucked with my best friend and they’re gonna die today’
and we love her for it
where the hell is kevin’s father
where is he
whERE
W H E R E
oh thank god
hes there
hes not dead (yet)
can't wait to see how this goes
‘i aint never seen him before in my life’
adorable
so believable
kevin’s dad
please
be reasonable
god
i can't handle this angst
I cannot
im not strong enough
nowhere near strong enough
god
please
this is K I L L I N G  M E
kevin
please
im crying
im sobbing actually
my poor child
finally admitting his feelings
my poor baby
please
solve this
its too much
kevin’s dad please
im begging you
OH MY GOD
STOP IT
HIS VOICE IS CRACKING
AND IM BREAKING
I NEED HIM TO BE OKAY
oh shit
this is
stop
stop
stop
stop
stop
stop
stop
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
COME ON
THIS IS SO MUCH HURT
THE LOOK IN KEVINS EYES
THERE ARE TEARS
AND IM FULLY SOBBING
OH MY GOD
COM E O N
his voice
stOP
PLEASE
thiS IS NO LONGER A JOKE
IM FUCKIN SOBBING
PLEASE JUST GIVE KEVIN A LOVING FATHER
HE DESERVES IT
LAROYCE HAWKINS IS AN AMAZING FUCKIN ACTOR
AND HIS PERFORMANCE IS MAKING ME CRY
P L E A S E
SIR
kevin’s dad im so sorry i ever doubted you
please hug
please
cOME ON
NO
‘it was too late, son’
im numb
i. feel. nothing. 
THEY DIDNT EVEN HUG
GODDAMMIT
stop
PLEASE
THIS POOR CHILD
THIS POOR MAN
HE WAS FORCED TO GROW UP TO RAISE HIS SIBILINGS
AND HE LOST HIS FATHER
AND HIS MOTHER
AND HE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING
AND HES STILL NOT HAPPY?????
CHICAGO PD WRITERS
DO YOU ENJOY MY PAIN??????
ITS NOT FUCKIN FUNNY MAN
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torreshalstead · 1 year
Text
This morning I thought if work was quiet I really fancied writing some Upstead fluff.
It is now 3 hours into my day, work is dead and I’ve written 1500 words of pure Burzek angst… oops
2 notes · View notes