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Always Read the Fine Print Chapter 12
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11
Who actually reads all the terms and conditions? After mindlessly checking a box years ago, our Reader unintentionally agrees to be part of a scientific study to create super soldier babies. To make matters worse, her fellow test subject is the brooding and intimidating Bucky Barnes.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: Reader struggles to accept this colder relationship with Bucky. Meanwhile's he's up to something...
Warnings: arranged marriage, forced proximity, lots of angst, violence, PTSD/nightmares, panic attacks, language, SMUT 18+ only, oral fem receiving, unprotected sex, size kink, let me know if I'm missing anything
a/n: Hi friends, I'm sorry it's been so long. My depression came at me like a b*tch. But I'm here now and will hopefully be posting more regularly 💕
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Every night, Bucky would hand you that stupid syringe. Your heart sunk a little each time he’d knock on the door. You were hoping he was coming to spend time with you, to tell you everything was going to be okay, to hold you. But instead, he would put the syringe in your hand, kiss your forehead, and leave the room. That was it. 
As if that wasn’t bad enough, he was spending all his time with Steve - almost every day. You could hear them talking downstairs. You could never actually make out what they were saying, but you could hear their serious tones murmuring through the thin walls. You considered standing at the top of the stairs so you could eavesdrop, but you knew better than to spy on two super soldiers. So instead you paced around the bedroom–the one that you were supposed to be sharing with Bucky–and waited for Steve to leave. Although no one outright said it, you got the feeling that you weren’t invited to their little chats. One time, you went downstairs with the excuse of needing a snack. They immediately shifted the topic to Steve’s recent mission. Steve, ever the gentleman, would greet you with a warm smile and invite you to sit with them. He’d ask you how you’re feeling, how your day was going, if you’ve read any good books lately. You appreciated his kindness but felt a little awkward – surely they were itching for you to leave so they could return to their conversation. Once the small talk became unbearable, you’d fake a headache and excuse yourself. You claimed you were going to go lie down, but they could hear your faint footsteps pacing on the hardwood above them.
~
Bucky was completely and utterly miserable. He was still fuming about the sensors they implanted in you. You were his wife, and he couldn’t protect you. It made him feel powerless. He couldn’t stop thinking about how panicked you were the last time you had sex. He could feel your anxiety. He couldn’t help but think he violated you in some way. This prevented him from giving you any affection; he was terrified of crossing a boundary with you. The forehead kisses were as far as he dared to go. Deep down, he knew he should sit down and have a conversation with you about it. But if he heard you say outright that you don’t want to be intimate with him anymore, he would be devastated. 
~
After three weeks of doing this ridiculous syringe routine, you couldn’t take it anymore. He handed you the syringe, kissed your forehead, and turned to leave. Just like every other night. But this time, you reached out to grab his hand.
“Please don’t go,” you whispered, tears already welling up in your eyes. You’d be embarrassed if you weren’t so desperate for his attention. 
“Oh, doll…” Bucky wasn’t sure what to say. His heart was breaking, seeing you like this. 
“Please, just stay the night. We don’t even have to talk. Just spend the night with me,” you begged, tears freely falling down your cheeks. “I miss you.” Your confession was all it took for Bucky to realize what an idiot he was. He was so desperate to protect you, he didn’t even occur to him that he might be hurting you. 
“Of course, sweetheart. I’m right here. I’m sorry I left you alone so much,” Bucky admitted, pulling you into a tight hug. “I was so scared I’d upset you, but I seriously screwed up.” He rubbed your back as you let all your tears fall. All those weeks of feeling so alone, but you finally had your Bucky back. You wanted to smack him and kiss him at the same time. 
He helped you with the syringe, which was oddly romantic. He was very gentle. Once that was over with, he pulled you into his chest, running his hands through your hair and down your back. You let out a long sigh – you had missed this so much. You forgot how your head felt resting on his toned muscles, how warm his chest was, how safe you felt. It was like a dream. A wonderful, euphoric dream.
“Do you trust me?” Bucky asked softly. The question caught you so off guard, your finger paused before it could finish tracing the scars on his chest. Propping yourself up, you looked at him quizzically. “Of course I do. What kind of question is that?” you replied. You were trying not to be offended that he would doubt you. 
“All I’ve wanted to do is protect you,” he began, sitting up to fully face you. He took your hands in his, mindlessly fidgeting with the diamond ring on your left hand. “But I’ve failed every time.”
“Bucky–“ you tried to cut him off, but he continued.
“No matter how hard I try, you end up getting hurt. I hope you can forgive me. Some days I can barely live with myself, knowing how much pain I’ve caused you.”
“Bucky, for Christ’s sake. This is NOT your fault!” you interjected, hating to see him beat himself up like this. 
“Doll, please just let me explain. It’s important,” he said, giving your hands a small squeeze. You nodded slowly and stayed silent, letting him continue. The urgency in his voice was scaring you. “You deserve better than to stay here and pay for my sins. I can’t stand to watch you suffer like this. Okay? I need you to understand.” His pleading eyes looked deep into yours. The more he talked, the more fearful you became. “I’ve told you some of the atrocities I’ve committed as HYDRA’s assassin. The things I’ve done to further their agenda, to get them in power,” he sighed deeply before continuing. “With the number of times they scrambled my brain, they assumed I couldn’t remember anything. That I wouldn’t recognize faces. But I do. I remember all of them.”
Your heart was breaking for the man in front of you. All those people he killed and all the ones that made him do it. They all take up space in his mind. No wonder he never sleeps. 
“The HYDRA members they arrested when I was freed…that was only a small fraction of them. HYRDRA is everywhere. If I break you out, there’s nowhere we could go that would be safe. I can’t rescue you until I dismantle HYDRA.” He paused and waited for your reaction. He wasn’t sure how you’d respond to all this. 
“Wait a second…are you saying HYDRA is behind all this? I mean that would make sense, this whole reproducing super soldiers thing is messed up, and they’re not exactly known for being ethical. But HYDRA working inside SHIELD? All this time? That’s…” You wanted to say impossible, but ever since your world got turned upside down, you don’t know what to expect anymore. You’ve completely lost sense of what’s normal. “So what do we do? If it’s as big as you say, there’s no way you can take them down alone.”
Bucky let out a deep sigh, looking around the room as if the words he’s trying to find will reveal themselves in the wallpaper. His gaze meets yours, but he won’t find the answer in your eyes either. He held your hands in his and took a deep breath.
“Steve and I have a plan. But we’re gonna need your help.”
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crazyinlovewithbucky · 11 months
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“don’t fill your void with me”
PART TWO.
“Свою пустоту мною не заполняй”
Pairings: Villain!The Winter Solider!Bucky Barnes x reader
Summary: this takes place in an alternative universe where Hydra took over the world and the winter soldier killed all Avengers and he became the leader of Hydra and he’s controlling the whole world. He saw you one day and he determined you were his and he made sure of that. and now after you both reunited, he shows you how much he cares for you and admits his feelings at the end.
Part One.
Warnings: smut, lots of fluff, villain bucky turns sweet, some angst, jealousy, dark themes, dark!bucky to soft!bucky, dom bucky, lots of praise + lots of praise in russian, p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, speaking in russian.
This was inspired by Яд by Erika Lundmoen
please read my author note it’s very important!
AU/N: hey guys, part two is here. I need to remind you that English is not my first language so excuse any misspelling or mispronunciation of any words or any grammatical mistakes lol. Hope you enjoy this dark fantasy I had of Bucky as I was wondering how he would be still as a villain. Also, this was heavily inspired by ‘yad’ (Яд) by Erika Lundmoen, I love this song so much and it always reminds me of Bucky in his Winter soldier era. Enjoy loves xx
PART ONE
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He buried his face in your neck, attacking the sensitive skin again with kisses, especially that sweet spot that gets you all turned on and horny. As if you’re not going to lose your mind already from how horny you are. You could feel his tip pushing slightly on your clit and you were just a moaning mess at this point. “Ready for me, love?” he lifted his head and rested his head on your forehead, locking eyes with you.
“Always, Bucky” you whispered, his whole expression changed. his eyes widened a bit at the sound of his name slipping out of your mouth like honey. He hadn’t heard this name in so long, and you are saying it like this had his heart beating faster, if he wasn’t in love with you before, he believes now he is.
"What did you say?" he sounded out of breath while looking at you with slightly wide eyes, he lifted himself slowly with his hands on each side of your head, pushing himself up.
You panicked a little and your heart started to beat a little faster, "I-I'm sorry. I- Bucky. No, James. I- I meant to say J-James. I'm sorry-y" your voice cracked as you were stumbling on words. you used your elbows to lift yourself up a little as your heart kept racing, not knowing what you should say or do next. Your body just wanted to feel his breath and touch again, and without thinking, you found yourself moving your lips closer to his and looking him deeply in the eyes. "I'm sorry, Jamie" you whispered against his lips.
In the beginning, He felt so strange, not good strange and not bad strange, just strange. These feelings now, you, your words, the names 'Bucky' and 'Jamie' slipping so sweetly from your mouth, and oh, your mouth, this mouth that looks so delicious and sweet to him. These names you called him just now, reminded him of his old life, before Hydra, before being the winter soldier, even before the war. Where everything was just colorful, he was happy, genuinely happy. He felt so happy at this moment, with you underneath him, so close to him, calling him the name he once cherished and loved. If he felt anything for you before like admiration or if these feelings were mainly sexual, now he's certain that he loves you, hell, he'd do anything for you as if he hasn't been doing that already, but now is different, now he wants you to be happy, he wants you with him, always. But suddenly, he was reminded of his awful present, him being the head of Hydra, and being a cold-blooded murderer. He cannot afford to bring you into this life, because he's sure everyone will use you to get him, to hurt him, to destroy him and he promised himself he won't let this happen again.
"It's okay, but don't say it again." his tone was cold, you actually shivered at these harsh words. "Jamie is nicer, I'm okay with it" he kept leaning towards you, which made you lean back and lay again on the bed, underneath him, while he kept nipping and kissing your neck. You can't stop thinking about his reaction when you called him Bucky, he looked shocked but you found something in his expression that indicates happiness, you swear his lips twitched as he was fighting not to smile. Then suddenly, his gaze darkened and his expression went somehow cold, you hated that. You want him to smile, you want him to remember who he was, and you want to save him from this darkness that surrounds him.
He went back to kissing you all over, making you shiver and whimper under his kisses and touches, his mouth and tongue moved to your boobs, he caressed them with his hands then sucked a hickey on your right nipple while pinching and twisting your left one, you kept whimpering and moaning, feeling more wetter.
He lined his cock to your pussy and started to move it and rub it on your clit and between your folds as he was smearing your juices all over his cock. He pushed in slowly, his head now filling you slowly as you whimpered and whined, "Don't tease, please" You whined and wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face in his neck.
"Told you, I'm taking my time with you, кукла" he whispered in your ear before biting your neck while he pushed the rest of his cock inside you. He was very big, and you always take time to adjust to him. you remembered the first time you both did it and you were murmuring to yourself how it wouldn't fit and he laughed and told you, it will and how you are his "good girl" and will take it like "the good girl you are". You clenched around him as you remembered his praises to you.
"Ahh, Fuck, you're squeezing the life out of me, милый, as if you aren't already so tight for me" he was out of breath as he bottomed out and stilled inside you for a while, making you adjust oh him.
"J-James, please move. I need you. please, Jamie, please." you whined as you needed more friction. He groaned as he started moving out of you, dragging his length in and out of you in slow strokes, grinding his hips slowly into yours. You swear you can feel his tip hitting that deep soft spot inside you that's so close to your cervix. You remembered he hit your cervix more than once during your rough hard sessions when he was so worked up and just wanted to fuck his stress away. You wished quietly, he would give up on this "love-making" attitude and start fucking your brains out. You wanted that and not that love-making bullshit, you don't want to get attached to him more than you already are.
He started to go a little faster, he groaned and moaned your name as he was sucking more hickeys on your neck. He gripped your hips and moved his hips to change the angle, and oh god, this new angle had you crying out loud, even though he was moving slowly and deeply inside you but it felt so good, this was way better than any hard or rough sex you both had.
He sat up while still rutting and fucking you deeply, then he moved his right hand down your body until it reached your left calf, he pulled it up on his waist and you were quick to wrap it around it, his right hand kept caressing and rubbing on your left thigh while his metal left hand moved and opened your right leg more. That gave him more space to move deeper and now his tip was hitting and rubbing your cervix. You screamed at the sensation and arched your back, feeling your orgasm so close.
"тебе так хорошо рядом со мной, куколка. Я никогда не хочу покидать тебя." he groaned loudly. you felt his cock twitching inside you and you knew that his orgasm is approaching too. His metal hand moved to your clit and he started to rub that sensitive bud in slow circular moves. "Cum for me, персик. I want to feel you soaking my cock with your sweet peach juices" he leaned down on you and kissed you sloppily, using his tongue and teeth while trying to catch his breath.
Everything he did and everything you feel is just so hot and too much for you to hold your orgasm any longer. Your orgasm bursted from you like a waterfall, you were crying out loud, back arching, legs shaking, eyes shut closed, nails scratching his back. He didn't stop his movements, fucking you through your intense orgasm while his hands kept rubbing your clit slowly, you were so sensitive, and unconsciously you kept trying to move away and back away from him and his deadly touches. "Come here, милая девушка. where are you going?" he groaned and held your hips so tight and pinning you underneath him on the bed, never stopping his deep overstimulating thrusts.
"T-Too much. Ahh B-Bucky, b-baby too much" You were so far gone to focus on your words, you were just babbling now and words are getting out of your mouth without thinking. He groaned loudly at your words and his cock twitched hard. He kept holding your hips down and his grip tightened.
With one last deep thrust, he came inside you with loud groans. He threw his head back as his hips kept grinding slowly against yours, unable to control his movements anymore, while his cock kept spilling all of his cum inside you, filling you up to the max. And with that feeling alone, him spilling his load in you, his tip rubbing your soft spot, his cum shooting straight and hitting your cervix, your second orgasm hit you like lightning and you couldn't help but scream as you came all over his cock again.
He collapsed on top of you and slowly moved his torso away to not crush you underneath him and give you space to breathe. you both panted loudly, trying to catch your breath after that very intense sex. You blinked slowly, thinking that this is absolutely the best sex you ever had in your life. After you calmed down a bit, you looked at him and found him already staring at you with a smile on his face. You smiled in return and kept locking eyes with him, the words "I love you" are literally on the tip of your tongue, fighting so hard to be let out.
"Come here" he wrapped his arms around your body and sat on his knees, moving you both up until he rested you and your head on the fluffy white pillows. All of that, while his cock is still inside you. Though, you felt very sensitive and overstimulated and each move he made, made you whimper slowly but you didn't mind it. Actually, you loved feeling him inside you, filling you like this. Feeling so connected to him and so close to him than ever. You loved this feeling so much, hoping in the future, he'd let you cockwarm him more.
"You're so beautiful, Мой король" you said while hugging him tightly. You couldn't see it but he blushed and his smile widened. He really is in love with you, he said to himself. The connection you felt with him, he felt it too, he cherished it and wanted to keep it forever. Keep you forever. He just can't ask something like this from you, can't ask you to give up everything and your life to be with him, as if you haven't already done that. His life is dangerous. He is dangerous, he thought. And he would literally kill himself if anything bad happened to you, but not before burning the whole world to the ground, literally.
He moved his head and kissed you passionately, you felt like he was starved for this kiss from how deep and passionate it is as this was his sweet response to you calling him 'beautiful' and 'my king'. You kissed him back, hungrily and needy. You want to live in this moment forever, like this, with him, surrounded by him, on his bed, and him between your arms. But life is just so unfair.
He moved slowly, pulling himself out of you and being careful not to hurt you as you felt so sensitive. When he got out, he threw himself on the bed next to you but not before taking you into his arms and cuddling silently with you. Your head was on his chest while his arms were wrapped around you, hugging you tightly. You both stayed like this for a while. Him taking in your sweet scent and burying his face in your hair, and you were hugging him while running your finger on his arms and chest and making invisible circles on his chest.
"Can I ask you a question?" you broke the silence with a soft question that's almost a whisper, while still running your fingers on his chest.
"Hmmm?" He hummed in your hair and now he's running his right hand on your arm and rubbing it softly.
"Am I the only one?" you sounded sad, which made him furrow his eyebrows in confusion.
"What do you mean?" he lifted his head up and stopped rubbing your arm.
You lifted your head and looked at him too. He could see that upset look on your face. Not knowing what he did wrong. "Am I the only girl you sleep with? The only one you treat like this? Or there are other girls, you treat the same and make them stay in fancy condos and call them whenever you want to fuck your stress away like you do with me?" Your tone was harsh at these last words, you didn't intend to but you just can't help the anger and the sadness you feel, thinking you are not the only one.
"Do you think I just "fuck my stress away" when I am with you?" his face and expression turned serious, he felt heartbroken you'd actually think that.
"I mean... that's what it feels like every time you call out for me. I'm just wondering if you do this with other girls." you looked away, hoping he wouldn't see the tears gathering up in your eyes and you were trying your hardest not to let them fall down.
"What would that matter to you if I do this with other girls or not?" he said harshly, moving his hands away from your body. "If you think that I just "fuck my stress away" with you and use you like a fucking stress ball then I believe it shouldn't matter to you if there are any other girls or not." your heart broke at his words and you feel your tears falling down slowly. You hate how you fucked up this beautiful moment with him. You just had to run your mouth like a loser, you said to yourself.
"B-Buc-"
"I told you don't call me that" his voice got louder a bit and you felt scared at his tone. You were so upset as more tears started to stream down your face.
"I-I'm sorry. I mean James." you sat up on the bed, going for the silk white covers to cover your body, you felt so ashamed and broken by his words and just wanted to leave him now. You pulled the covers over your body, covering yourself, then you faced him again. He's still staring at you with his arms crossed on his chest. You hate how good he looks right now.
"You know, doll, they say curiosity killed the cat." he looked very deep into your eyes, studying your facial expressions and body language. He knows you are longing for him and understands that what you said is out of jealousy. After figuring this out and connecting the dots, he felt absolutely ashamed of his reaction and regretted raising his voice to you like this. You don't deserve that. After that very beautiful moment you both shared, you deserve all happiness and all your concerns to be pushed away. He hated himself at this current moment. Seeing you, looking at him with sad eyes like he just betrayed you, and he felt like he did. He almost showed you the actual monster inside of him. He hated himself.
He sighed, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude or harsh on you like that. I just couldn't understand why would you say such an awful thing like that about yourself." he exclaimed, you breathed a little, and moved closer to him. "come here, please. Can I touch you?" his hands twitched as he moved this closer to you, you nodded while sniffing. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you on his lap, hugged you tightly, and kissed your forehead. You couldn't help but cry more. "Shhh, It's okay. I'm so sorry, принцесса. I didn't mean to upset you like that. I'm really sorry." he rubbed your arms and back softly while pulling his right hand up to wipe your tears. "Please, please, stop crying, baby. Fine, you can call me Bucky. You can call me whatever you like but please don't cry." he kept wiping the tears that keeps falling from your eyes and kissing your cheeks and lips.
"Really? Can I?" you sniffed and smiled shyly. He mirrored your smile immediately.
"Yes, you crybaby, you can." he kissed your lips and you kissed back while smiling. This was enough for you to know he shares the same feelings as you.
"And to answer your question, yes. You are the only one, принцесса. It was always you and will always be you. Only you." He pecked your lips softly, and you held his face in your hands and deepened the kiss. This is everything you need now as he just proved to you, you're the only one for him as he's the only one for you too.
You've always felt bad for him, as he didn't have any friend or anyone to make him happy or enjoy the good things in life and you've always promised yourself, if he just opened that door for you, you'll compensate him for all the sadness and darkness that took over his life. If he just gave you the green light, you'll speed into his life and bring him nothing but love and joy. You do love him that much and want him to always be happy.
"I love you" you murmured as soon as you broke the kiss, you pushed away all of your doubts and concerns and said to yourself that even if he didn't say it back or feel it back, that's okay. You just want him to hear it from you and to feel it. You just want him to see he's loved.
"You d-do?" his voice shaky and he looked at you with slightly wide eyes as he stopped rubbing your back. He stopped breathing for a moment as you said these magical three words that made him feel shocked and confused. How could someone actually love him? He was a cold-blooded monster, he thought.
"Yes, Bucky, I do. I love you so much," you said softly, you wrapped your arms around him and hugged him tightly while kissing his neck, you don't care that his body is stiffened now and his breath is shaky, you are trying to comfort him as you're sure he hadn't heard these 3 words in a very very long time. He needed to hear them. "I love your lips, your arms, your hair, your neck, your eyes, your beautiful beautiful smile," you pulled your head back up and looked at him as your gaze softened at the way he was looking at you with those puppy cute eyes. "I love you, Bucky." you whispered against his lips as you kissed him deeply. You panicked slightly as he didn't kiss back but as you were considering pulling away, his grip tightened around you and he kissed you back harshly and so passionately, you are almost running out of breath.
It took him another moment to pull away and you both panted from how deep the kiss was. "God, Y/N. I love you. I love you so much. I'd literally die for you, моя любовь. I love love love love you." he sounded out of breath as his eyes drifted from your eyes to your lips in a very passionate way. you chuckled sweetly at his words and kept kissing him again. At this moment, all of your concerns and doubts from earlier have been buried deep into the ground and he finally gave you everything you've been wishing and hoping for. You felt like you were in heaven, you swore, you'd never been happier in your life.
For the rest of the night, you both did nothing but make love and sleep in each other's arms. The next morning, you had your best ever morning sex, with him buried deep inside of you and dragging his cock in and out of you like you were just a part of him. You felt so close to him than ever. He canceled all his plans and meetings for the next two days and kept ordering his men to bring you food and anything you want to the bedroom. He also ordered his men to bring you some of your clothes from your apartment in Brooklyn and promised to take you shopping for new clothes and lingerie sets since you're going to stay with him in his mansion. He gave you extra keys to every single house, apartment, and mansion he had that are scattered all over the world and told you they're now your houses too.
He showed you the world and made you his queen. Of course, he still wanted to keep you hidden and your relationship a secret as he explained to you how people could use you or hurt you to get to him and he'd literally murder every single living person if anything bad happened to you. You understood and respected that decision and didn't mind keeping your relationship a secret, actually, that turned you on more, to say the least.
You both, in front of his super soldiers' army and his Hydra superiors and affiliates, were the King and Queen of Hydra. He gave you the power and that title too, even though what you just wanted was him. Only him. You didn't mind nor care about his work or whatever he did, as long as he comes back to you in one piece and sleeps in your arms every night, then the hell with the world. He's your whole world now.
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babyhatesreality · 9 months
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The Sinner and the Saint Ch 8
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Pairings: Slow Burn Mob!Boss Bucky x f!reader
Warnings: NS/FW, f!reader, language, reader is initially terrified, talk of weapons (but none actually appear in this chapter), talk of death, reader is referred to by her stage name of Angel, everybody has secrets, reader is insecure, Bucky is a lovable menace, reader is an ex*tic dancer, conversation about int!mate details, D/$ dynamic and talk, reader has panic attack/meltdown/rage moments, slow burn relationship. 
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMPTION. MINORS DNI. THIS IS AN 18+ STORY ONLY AND IS NS/FW. I DO NOT CONSENT FOR ANY OF MY WORKS TO BE COPIED, REPRINTED, OR TRANSLATED ONTO ANY PLATFORM EXCEPT MY OWN. Likes, comments and reblogs deeply appreciated.
Previous- Chapter 7
Chapter 8
“You’re Bucky Barnes,” you whispered in terror. 
Bucky Barnes. One of, if not the most, notorious and elusive mafia dons on the planet was sitting across the table from you. A man so secretive and so cunning, yet so ruthless, that the only people who dared to speak of him were on back alley message boards in the unsavory corners of the web. A man who no one knew what he looked like outside of the metal arm, although the wild rumors of that were so insane and far-flung that no one thought they were real. Bucky Fucking Barnes. The stories of what he had gone through with his arm- and what he had done to the person responsible in retaliation- were beyond horrific. No one could catch Barnes. No one really knew how much of the city he controlled, but it was pretty safe to assume he had his metal hand in everything. One man that no one ever dared to cross. Or if they did, they never lived long enough to confirm what he actually looked like. 
Bucky. Mother. Fucking. Barnes. 
Your first immediate and irrational thought was that you were dead. Mafia Dons killed- that was all they did, right? This was it, this was the end. It was all over and you were as good as dead. An icy chill spread through your body as you sat, frozen in horror, awaiting what was surely your sudden and immediate demise.  You expected him to reach into his jacket pocket, withdraw a gun, and point it between your eyebrows. Or that you would suddenly start foaming at the mouth from the poison that was surely in the food, or maybe the wine? Or some other grizzly form of a horrific death that you’d probably not even heard of before.
So when, instead of instantly killing you, Bucky sat back with a sigh...and fucking POUTED, the tiny part of your brain that wasn’t in terrified shock perked up like a confused puppy ...what...he’s...pouting?!
“Dammit,” Bucky grumbled, still...well, there was no other word for it....POUTING. “Guess I owe the punk fifty bucks.” He pinched his lips like a child who’d just run out of cupcakes, then shrugged and looked back at you with that damn mischievous twinkle in his eye, like whatever had been bothering him, he was already over it. “Yeah,” he said casually. “I’m Bucky Barnes.” His blue eyes scanned your face carefully. When you didn’t move- you bloody couldn’t move, you had literally forgotten how to make your body do the things- he chuckled one low, smarmy laugh. He reached under the table and pushed something. 
Your primal fight-or-flight response was triggered. You shrieked and grabbed onto the table for dear life, your panicking brain convinced that the floor was going to open up underneath you and you’d plunge to your death. Bucky’s eyebrows shot up at your “defense”, and....wait...was he...trying not to laugh at you?!
The door opened behind you and you were too terrified to turn around, squeezing your eyes shut and saying every prayer that you’d ever heard. So you completely missed Bucky holding up three silver fingers to his lips and tapping, then opening both hands to the side and pulling them closed quickly to his body. Makkari nodded at him and exited, giving you a concerned look that you didn’t see. 
“Breathe, Angel,” Bucky said in a soft, sweet voice. That was startling enough to wrench your eyes open, staring at him in disbelief, then you shrieked and jumped another mile at the person suddenly standing right next to you. When you realized it was just Makkari holding a glass of water, all you could do was look at her in sheer, unmitigated terror. She gently took your hand and wrapped it around the water glass. Then she quickly took your other hand and carefully placed a piece of paper into it, and gave you a friendly squeeze. You looked down at the paper. It only had two words on it. 
You’re safe. 
Your eyes shot to hers, utter disbelief on your face. Did she not realize this was Bucky Holy Mother of God Barnes?! She smiled warmly again, and patted your shoulder in a consolingly way. She pointed to the paper again, nodded reassuringly, and gave you another little friendly squeeze before walking away. As the door shut, you honestly didn’t know what to think or do. You were sitting with one of the world’s most deadly people looking you in the eye...but you were safe? Your overwhelmed brain could not make it make sense, and so you just sat there, stupefied. 
“Drink your water,” Bucky ordered in a soft voice. Before you were even fully aware that you were doing it, you brought the glass to your mouth and drank. It was like you were programmed to follow his directions. But even after your body and your brain got in sync, you continued to drink. Partially out of desperation for something to do, because you literally had no fucking clue what your next move would be. You drained the glass, set it down on the table with a thunk, and took a deep breath. You dared to look at the gangster across the table. 
He was smiling that damn mischievous and challenging smile that drove you insane. “Feel better?” he asked, but that undercurrent of a smug smirk ignited a firework in your brain. A firework that you were, unfortunately, unable to control, due to that fucking smirk that had been tormenting you all week.
“NO, I DON’T FEEL BETTER!” you shrieked, almost banshee-like in your tone and tenor. “HOW THE FUCK IS A GLASS OF WATER SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU’RE A GODDAMN MOB BOSS?!?”
Bucky, to your intense fury, just laughed in response. “Okay, you got a point,” he said jovially. “Would a second glass of water help?” he asked, tilting his head at you, his blue eyes wide- the picture of pious innocence. Oh fuck him to the moon and back. It was like he knew exactly which buttons to push to activate Mount Vesuvius again, and was getting a hell of a thrill off it. 
You shot up out of your chair like you’d been electrocuted. “I am going to KILL you!!” you shrieked, out of pure unadulterated rage. 
Bucky tilted his head to the side, like he was thinking. “That might not end well for you,” he said plainly. But the meaning behind it made your knees buckle, and you collapsed back onto your chair weakly, terrified. 
“Oh fuck,” you whispered in horror, fear once again taking the wheel. “Jesus, I didn’t mean...I-”
“It’s okay, Angel, I’m just messing with you,” Bucky said, his challenging smirk morphing quickly to his legitimately kind one. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I don’t often get this reaction anymore, and I gotta say- it was kind of flattering.” He picked up his wine glass, toasting you. “People normally try so hard to keep a straight face when they realize who I am, that I couldn’t help myself. I had to mess with you, just a little. I know, I know, I’m a dick.” He didn’t seem too terribly bothered by his self-own as he took a large sip of wine, the smirk reappearing. 
At the sight of the actual man that you thought you’d come to know and feel for this last week, everything that was screaming inside of you started to tone down a bit. “You’re....you’re really...THE Bucky Barnes?” you asked in a fearful whisper. 
“Yes, I am really THE Bucky Barnes. Mafia Don. To the Stars.”
Choosing to skip over his teasing, you continued. “But...but you’re...secretive and...no one knows what you look like....and why did you tell me?”
“I told you because you asked me to. If we’re going to try this thing out, I need to be able to be honest with you.”
“But...but...now that I know....I’m....I’m....”
“Now that you know,” Bucky interrupted, sitting up and folding his hands together. A sudden tremor shot through you as he suddenly looked a lot more like the terrifying gangster he actually was, his silver hand catching the light. “Now that you know...you’re no different than any of the other girls at the club. Well, not in that way, anyways.” 
“Wait- what? The...the other girls...all know?”
“Yup. Everyone who works for me knows the truth.”
“Wait wait wait...I WORK for you??”
“Yup.”
“You own the club?!”
“Yup.”
“But Natasha said...she said that you weren’t involved in the club financially.”
Bucky’s lips twisted up into that secretive smile. “What did she actually say?” he said, almost patronizingly. You thought hard about that conversation...
���Is he an investor in the club or something?”
“He’s here enough, he ought to be.”
Not a confirmation, but not a denial either. Basically a non-committal nothing that threw you off the track. Bucky grinned when your eyes shot back to his face as the penny dropped. He raised his wine glass again. “Natasha’s one of the best when it comes to dancing around the truth,” he grinned. 
“So...she’s in the mafia too?”
“We prefer to call it the family, but yes.”
“But...but she’s there every night at the club...”
“Did you imagine she was supposed to be patrolling the streets, causing chaos and shooting anyone who looked at her sideways?” Bucky teased, leaning in towards you. Your face turned Hooker Lipstick Red again, and a delighted grin cracked across his. “That’s exactly what you thought, wasn’t it?” he chortled. 
“Shut up,” you mumbled, desperately wishing Makkari would reenter with more alcohol. 
Bucky grinned gleefully. “Ah, there she is, there’s my girl,” he said, joy in his voice again. “Telling a big ol’ mob boss to ‘shut up’.”
“Thought you said you preferred the term ‘family’?” you sneered back in sheer defiance due to your embarrassment. “So if you’re the head, should I be calling you ‘Daddy’ then?”
“Not right now, but definitely later.”
“Oh my GOD.”
“You’re probably be saying that too.”
“BUCKY!”
“Babe, you are nailing all your future lines.” When you slumped forward in utter defeat, he finally took pity on you. “Okay, okay, I’m done, I swear” he said, not quite able to keep the grin out of his voice. He leaned back in his chair, took a deep breath, and exchanged the smug smirk for a genuine smile. That gave you the courage to continue. 
“So...everyone knows but me, huh?” you muttered, then gave a mirthless laugh. “Okay, Nebula’s comment makes more sense now.”
Bucky’s eyes immediately narrowed at that. “What did Nebula say to you?” he said in a low, firm tone. Normally, you would have turned the tables and started teasing him right back, but you were still way too worked up to even consider that right now. 
“Natasha shut her down quickly,” you immediately responded, not wanting to get your mob boss in trouble. “But Nebula was taunting me about not figuring out who you were and she said that...”
“What?”
“Well...she kinda hinted that she slept with you too.”
Bucky rolled his eyes so hard you half expected them to get stuck in his head. “Angel, listen up, because I’m only going to say this once,” he said low, his voice full of anger as he stared at the table top. He took a deep breath, raised his eyes to you, and his gaze immediately softened, but his tone stayed firm. “Nebula and I have never slept together. She tried to turn our Champagne Room encounter into something that it wasn’t, and she got bitter when I rejected her advances. She’s a nasty piece of work, and I wouldn’t touch her with a ten foot pole.”
“Then why does she still work there?”
Bucky leaned back, a mask of calm slipping over his face so subtly you almost missed the transition. “I have my reasons,” he said vaguely. “But trust me. You’ll never have to worry about her. You’re the only one I’ve got eyes for.”
The sweet statement knocked the air out of your lungs, but brought up a whole new set of questions. “I...thank you...I mean, you....okay,” you finally spat, frustrated at yourself. “You obviously know that I have feelings for you too, especially with all the dom/sub talk before this,” you said, willing your face not to turn bright red again. “But you have to understand that this is...a LOT.”
“I do,” he said gently. “And I meant every word of everything that I said earlier, especially about tonight being about honesty. Ask me anything you want. Right now. And I’ll answer it honestly. That’s not something that I will always be able to do, and I need you to understand that. But right now, in this moment, you can ask whatever you want and I will not lie to you.”
“You better not lie to me, EVER,” you hissed almost automatically, a sudden rage that normally lay dormant taking a hold of you. “I understand that you’ll need to keep...secrets and shit, but just tell me that you can’t tell me. Don’t make up something just to keep me “appeased”. Promise me that you won’t ever lie to me.” You leaned back, the fire blazing in your own eyes. “And that’s the first thing I’m going to ask tonight.”
For the first time this evening, Bucky looked startled. He’d seen this fire in you before, but wasn’t expecting it this evening, with everything he was dropping on you. Then his face broke into a slow, dawning smile. THIS. This was what he had to know about. You clearly had this secret passion and fire blazing inside of you, and it was fascinating to watch it when it made its appearance. He needed to know everything about your passions and this fire. Not to mention, you looked hot as hell when you were all fired up, but you didn’t know that. The fact that it was making an appearance right now let him know that this secret, hidden world inside you was not ever going to be tamed- nor did he want it to be. He wanted to explore it. 
Bucky reached across the table, his soft palm open to you in supplication. You looked at it for a moment, but then looked into his eyes. You placed your hand in his immediately. He closed his fingers, holding tight to yours, and squeezed reassuringly.
“I promise I will never lie to you,” he said, his clear blue eyes connecting to your very essence. “I can see this is something that means a lot to you, so...I will do it if it means that I can have you,” he said softly, his cool metal hand coming up and covering yours protectively. 
“Really?” you said back, caught off guard. You’d just asked one of the most powerful men in the world, a man who dealt in secrets and lies, to never lie to you. You’d only known this man for a week. You had just learned his name. But  he still said yes. 
“Really,” he said back gravely. He swallowed and looked slightly uncomfortable for a moment, but then looked you right back in the eye. “This is not going to be easy for me, but...will you...okay, I will do it, I WILL, but it’s going to be fucking hard sometimes. Can you just....I don’t know, work with me on it if I fuck up or if I don’t know what to do? Don’t just bail on me, okay?” he asked back. You saw the tiniest sliver of vulnerability and hurt in his eyes, and it made your heart twist. 
“I promise I won’t bail. And we can work through it, whatever it is,” you responded honestly. Anything to take away that pain you saw in him. “I’m made of tougher stuff than that, Barnes,” you said, daring to tease the mafia don back for the first time tonight. 
The relief and subsequent smile on his face made you feel like you’d just won the lottery. “Yes, you are, aren’t you?” he said, biting his lower lip. That made you giggle and blush a bit, ducking your head. He suddenly gasped and said with a huge grin, “You also realize that you just gave me an answer to being with me without actually saying the words, right?”
Your head shot up so fast it hurt your neck. You....had. You totally had. You wouldn’t have said something like that if you didn’t mean it. And there was no denying it. But you wanted...no, you needed your story to start a different way- a way that wasn’t a kind of accident. You mustered your brave persona, and she came through like a champ. 
“Truth or dare?” you asked teasingly. 
“Truth,” he replied immediately, the grin threatening to split his face. 
“Do you still want to be with me, even though I have a million questions and I’m fucking scared to death and will probably....” you began, but stopped yourself when you saw his cocked eyebrow. Oh that’s right, he didn’t like you taking pot shots at yourself. “...And will probably be very, very happy with you?” you finished. It wasn’t where you’d been going, but it was still the truth. 
His smile said it all. It was a thousand yes’s, it was shouting from the rooftops. It was a whispered affirmation meant for one and a coliseum of hundreds of thousands screaming yes together. It brought tears of joy to your eyes. 
But that damn mischievous streak of his....
“Dare,” he replied with that sassy smirk. So you returned it full force. 
“I dare you to be with me,” you said simply, leaning back and giving him that secretive smile of yours. 
“Oh, that I can do,” he murmured, in a low soothing voice that went straight to your core. “That I can do.”
“So...yes?”
“Yes. And...?”
“Yes.”
The mafia don swelled with pride as he reverently kissed the back of your hand, almost making you giggle in your glee. You were still terrified, you still had no idea what you’d just signed up for, but to have that kind of reaction from someone wanting to be with you? It had to be the right choice. 
He smiled smugly again, clearly so proud of how the evening was turning out. He pushed the button under the table again. Within two seconds, the door opened and Makkari came back in. You realized (without the haze of terror this time) that it must be a signal to communicate with her while she was outside the room. You felt a little stupid as you came to that realization, but hey, you’d just gotten the biggest shock of what you had feared was going to be your suddenly short life earlier- you deserved a little grace.
Makkari sped up next to the table, eying you to make sure you were okay. You smiled at her, and she grinned that beautiful grin of hers, then grinned cheekily at Bucky as well. You realized that she was happy for her boss, and that made your heart feel warm. He couldn’t be ALL “mob bossy” if his employees wanted his happiness, right? 
Bucky leaned back in his chair, letting go of your hand in the process. “Would you like something to drink while we talk?” he asked you. 
“How do I sign ‘alcohol’?”
He laughed outright and showed you the sign, which made both you and Makkari giggle. She came back quickly with a newly opened bottle, poured you both glasses, then set it on the table and left. 
“So,” he said, reaching for his glass. “You said you have a million questions.” He smiled challengingly at you. “Where do you want to begin?”
Chapter 9
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avengersfantasies · 8 months
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Truth or Dare (Bucky x Reader)
During a game of truth or dare, you are asked a question that sends you spiraling into a panic attack.
Author's note: The events described in this story are things that are very personal to me. Recently, I've been finding the memories of this day almost fifteen years ago coming back to haunt me, and so instead of crying myself to sleep, I decided to tell my story to my comfort character.
Please don't read if these things upset you: descriptions of panic attacks, sexual assault, and self harm.
This is my way of working through these traumatic events in my life.
Again, this is dark.
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taglist: @pattiemac1 @justsebstan @winterslove1917 @crist1216 @lady-loki-barnes-djarin @kandis-mom @vonalyn @mavrellover91 @natashasilverfox @gojoismysensei @itsafamilyshow @casa-boiardi
It was a night you all had off – no missions to be done, so you and a select few of the Avengers decided that it would be a nice night to have some drinks and play some truth or dare. It started out as a fun game, but the more the drinks flowed, the more provocative the questions became…naturally. Next up, it was your turn.
            “Truth or dare?” Nat asked.
            It was the tenth time you’d gone, and you had a pattern by now. First you would say dare and then truth. This time, it was truth. “Truth.”
Nat thought for a second. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?”
It was that question…the question that had always sent you into a downward spiral. At hearing the word virginity, breathing became nearly impossible, your heart rate sped up, and your eyes widened. You thought you had gotten over this by now, but now you knew that the word still held its power over you. It still had the power to send you into a full-blown panic attack within seconds. The small group of people around you began to worry – asking if you were okay. Normally, you’d appreciate them showing concern for you, but at that moment, it was too much. Without a word, you got up from your spot on the floor and bolted to your room – closing and locking the door before letting your body fall to the ground. You had had enough of these by now to know how to put your head in between your knees and take as deep of breaths as possible.
            “Someone should go check on her,” Steve spoke up after a few tense and silent minutes.
            “I got it,” Bucky got up from his spot quietly and walked to your room.
He could hear you sobbing and panicking from the other side of the door, and while he had never been in this type of situation before, he knew the best thing to do was knock. “Hey,” he called out softly. “It’s me…you okay?”
“Y-Y-Yea-Yep” you unconvincingly stuttered through your heavy breaths. “F-Fine.”
Bucky let out a sigh. “Do…do you wanna talk about it?”
“Why does it matter?” you scoffed.
Bucky bit his lip and closed his eyes. “Because something’s hurting you, and you shouldn’t have to keep that all to yourself.”
His ears weren’t met with a response from you, but rather, the sound of the door unlocking and opening. “Come in.” Your voice was soft and quiet…the complete opposite of what he and everyone else was used to. He walked into the room slowly – following you and sitting next to you on the edge of your bed.
“I was fourteen,” you began silently. Bucky raised an eyebrow – confused as to what you were referring to. “The…you know…virginity thing.”
“Gotcha,” he nodded.
You looked over at him and found his eyes to be soft – his face showing great care and concern. You let out a sigh. You knew you needed to talk about it…it was something you had kept to yourself long enough. Whether or not you would embarrassingly break down in front of the soldier was to be seen, but you were pretty sure you would and then the entire relationship would be weird.
“I was fourteen,” you began – repeating what you had just said – more so for yourself than for him. Fourteen, you thought. At fourteen years old, you were just starting your first year of high school. It was supposed to be an unforgettable four years – a time of growing and learning who you were, but it ended up becoming unforgettable for all the wrong reasons. You didn’t remember high school for the fun parties and groups of friends you made, no. You remembered it as a time of trying to get rid of the memories that haunted your every waking second. The parties that others found fun, you used as a way to get free drugs and alcohol – hiding the dark secret you’d kept with you until this moment. “I had a boyfriend,” you continued. “He was eighteen, had a kid.” Your breath was shaky as you thought about the words you were planning on saying next. “He talked me into going on a quote unquote nature walk with him, and stupidly, I agreed…thought it would be something fun and romantic.” You scoffed at yourself. “He waited until we were deep into the woods, and he backed me up against a tree…took a knife out and told me that I was going to let him do what he wanted, or I’d regret it.” Your voice began shaking as you remembered the events from that afternoon. “He got me on the ground…I was too scared to even try to fight him off. I always thought that if I were in that type of situation, I’d be brave enough to fight back, but…I wasn’t. He got my clothes off…making sure not to rip them. At first, I wondered why he was even taking the time to make sure they stayed intact, but I realized that it would’ve looked bad if I had been coming out of the woods completely naked.” You squeezed your eyes shut – the memory of what happened next causing nausea to come over you. “He…forced my legs spread,” you continued softly – beginning to stare out into the space in front of you. “Forced his mouth on me…I yelled at myself the whole time to fight him off, but I never could bring myself to do it…and then when he got to taking his own pants off…it was too late anyway.” Your voice had gone flat – the effect of numbing yourself from the pain. “He tore me…using my screams cries of pain as something to egg him on. I tried not to give him that, but…it was instinctual…maybe if I scream loud enough for long enough, he’d get scared and run off or someone would hear me…Each thrust he did was harder than the last. My pain was his pleasure. I can still feel it now…the feeling of him ripping me open and turning an act that I had always seen as an act of love into something of hate. I can still feel his touch…feel him emptying himself inside me.” You bit the inside of your cheek and took a deep breath before continuing on – the super solider silently listening to every word. “I can still feel him dripping out of me,” you revealed in almost a whisper – barely loud enough for Bucky to hear.
            The room was quiet for a few seconds while Bucky gathered his thoughts – wanting to say the right thing in response to your confession. “Did you…report it?”
“No.” You scoffed.
“Why not?”
“Because,” you sighed, “when I was eight, I was touched by a neighbor of ours when he lured me into his house…a doctor that lived down the road…he had a large room with stuffed animals and things kids would like…when I told my parents about it, they beat me. So, why would I want to face that again?”
Bucky shook his head. “None of that was your fault.”
“I know that,” you retorted. “You heard of victim precipitation?” Bucky shook his head. “It’s a victimology theory that basically says the victim is somewhat responsible for what happens to them…not blaming the victim, but basically that the victim is a participant.” Bucky looked confused at the statement. “Basically, it’s like saying if you’re carrying around a large amount of money and showing it off, you’re more likely to be a victim of robbery…or in my case…if you follow someone into the woods, you’re putting yourself at risk of being a victim of an assault.”
Bucky nodded. “So like, if two people get into a fight and one dies, the victim participated in the events leading up to it.”
You nodded. “So, can’t really say it’s not my fault, can I?”
Bucky looked down. “Have you ever…talked to anyone about it? Done any sort of healing?”
“No,” you told him – lifting up your shirt and rolling up your sleeves to show him all of the scars on your body. The soldier furrowed his eyebrows with deep concern. “You’re the only one who knows,” you confessed quietly. His eyes scanned over all of the self-harm scars on your body…some being as recent as a week ago. “I thought that by scarring myself…making myself look unattractive or whatever that it’d help me feel better…keep someone else from wanting to touch me.”
He shook his head. “I’m not going to disrespect you by saying I understand…because I don’t,” he stated, “but…pain? I understand pain. I understand hating yourself. Now, I can sit here and tell you that you have no reason to hate yourself or that none of what happened was your fault, but I have no right to try to help you feel better by using clichés.” Bucky inhaled deeply before continuing. “But I will tell you that I am here if you ever need an ear.”
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ltbarnes · 1 year
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Anachronism - Part II
Or the placing of persons, events, objects, or customs in times to which they do not belong
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Summary: Sprained ankles, snowstorms, blood-thirsty wolves and feral super soldiers. What was supposed to be a peaceful walk in the woods surrounding the cabin you're staying in with your best friend Steve quickly turns devastating, forcing your path to cross with the mysterious and burly man who can't seem to grasp social cues and the concept of privacy. His past is a puzzle that can't seem to be solved and your feelings for the sweet and giant man quickly develop from friendly gratitude to something neither of you can't quite grasp.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!reader, Steve Rogers x fem!reader
Word count: 5.8k
Warnings: a little bit of nudity and some sinful thoughts, bears!!, manhandling, Steve panicking and Bucky being the sweetest
A/N: I made it!! Never thought I would be able to finish part 2 in time but it’s done!! The love on the first part has been amazing and please give me any and all thoughts on this part <3 I love talking with you!
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You had been gone for six hours by the time a barely functional Steve ventured out to search for you a second time.
15 minutes. That's how long you said you would be out, and Steve started glancing out of the window for you already after 13 to see if you were back.
And he tried to go out and search just half an hour after you left, but even for a super soldier a harsh snowstorm like this one is impossible to navigate in. His phone service was not working and contacting the compound was futile—they can't do anything as long as the weather is this bad.
He's fucking panicking. You're probably out here freezing to death if you already haven't. Leaving you to die like that is no option. For twenty hazy minutes Steve gathered anything that might be needed if he finds you half-alive in some ditch—warm water bottle, blanket, food, tracking device if Sam or Nat or anyone in the team feels like helping him some time.
Steve knew he shouldn't have let you go. He felt it this morning when he watched you walk out of the door with those ridiculously large mittens and the puffer jacket that could soften a fall from fifty feet high. But god, he can't say no to you even though he persisted for more than an hour in your argument. A flutter with those eyes of yours and he folds quicker than he can take another breath.
He's Captain America—a man who survived a world war, alien attacks, robots trying to take over the world and countless fights with the world's most notorious villains. He prides himself on having integrity equally strong as his vibranium shield and morals practically written in stone. Steve Rogers is an unmovable man and still he just throws away all logic and sense out of the window as long as you have a smile on your face.
His chest is heaving, out of breath. It doesn't happen a lot anymore now that his days of being an asthmatic, 90-pound sick man are long past him. You manage to make his goddamn body malfunction in a different way each time he meets you—today just happened to be the worst he's ever experienced. If you died like this while he sat inside looking over fucking sketches over the compound grounds he's not going to be able to live with himself much longer.
For so many years he's been able to keep you out of situations too dangerous for your own good. It's hard sometimes when you prance out in traffic without looking both ways or take shortcuts through alleyways on the way home from work in the middle of the night, but Steve's still been able to keep you safe. He has been there each time.
God, you fucking infuriate him. Sometimes he wants to throw you over his shoulder and lock you inside some closet where you can't get up to any trouble. Trying to negotiate your way out of being shot by a madman robber by offering him fucking cookies? Yeah, Steve was furious that day, but he adores you for it. Don't get him wrong—you're not some sunshine fairy girl like that teacher with glasses and colorful dresses in the sitcom you always watch, but still you offered a man with a gun to your head cookies. You barely even bake.
Honestly, Steve was annoyed by you for a whole two years before you slithered your way into his traumatized and lost heart. The 21st century is a labyrinth of parasocial relationships, too advanced technology and so much suffering existing along the endless progress that's been made since the 40's.
It all was just too much for him for a good while, and his range of emotions kind of just shut down. Work was all he had and the closest thing to a friend was Natasha, who he did not know at all at the time. Tony was a goddamn asshole and Fury was too vague and Steve was missing Bucky, Peggy and the Howlies so much that all woken time was either spent on grieving or fighting.
You were the first close friend he made in this century. One who he could spend entire nights talking to, and took him out on midnight pizza runs and showed him what the hell streaming was. A friend who showed him that things are better now in many ways.
But he knows now why Bucky was so goddamn irritated at him all the time—you aren't even throwing yourself into fights like he did, and still do, but instead manage to be so goddamn clueless and intelligent at the same time. And he doesn't want to find you stubbing your toe on the same treshold at least once a week as amusing as he does. Or that he looks forward to Monday meetings because he gets to walk past your little office, stacked with strange romance books you can read when Tony doesn't need help in the lab or Bruce has no samples to be incubated or whatever he does.
For a long time you were the only one he missed when he was gone on missions for weeks. Now the team is as much family as his real one ever was, and he loves them too, but you're still the first person that comes to mind when he drags himself half-alive and beaten to a pulp onto the quinjet after a gruesome fight.
Mostly he likes that you don't really need him. In reality you do so wonderfully fine by yourself, without anyone, and Steve loves your independence. He just seemingly likes worrying and fuzzing like a mother hen because he can. Because you let him.
You do stupid things sometimes and for those situations you really do need someone to either pull you away from the moving car heading towards you or scold you for being reckless, but you could live on a reclusive island entirely alone and wouldn't mind in the least. Maybe it's because Steve always wanted that quiet life—settling down in a house he built himself with a person he loves somewhere people won't bother him.
The snow is goddamn insatiable with working against him as he tries to find his way just a few feet away from the cabin. But he's been through worse and Steve would gladly cut off all his limbs and bathe in scolding lava to find you alive.
To hell with snowstorms and duties and work—he's going to find his best girl even if it makes a 100-year old super soldier hypothermic.
•  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  • 
Your bladder is about to fucking burst.
For what must have been half an hour you've been laying awake to the sound of Winter's breathing, contemplating wether to go outside and potentially wake him up or just die.
But he's holding onto you so tightly, squeezing you to his chest with his nose buried in the crook of your neck, that you contemplate just holding it until he wakes. You feel like a stuffed animal he can't fall asleep without, the way Winter has tangled himself up in your limbs.
It makes you realize that you haven't felt closeness from a human like this in years. Maybe ever. You've never seen yourself as touch-starved but receiving such affection without any conditions or terms triggered some epiphany inside of you—you want to be held.
But ultimately, despite how heartbreaking it is, you are not willing to lay your life and dignity down for his and your own comfort in this moment.
The first movements of your newly awoken body generate cracking sounds that are a little too loud to not be concerned about. Good morning.
Somehow, in a manner you did not know you possessed, you slide out from his hold down onto the cold wooden floor without waking him up. You would've guessed he was a light sleeper.
A soft, breathy whine escapes his lips. You have to silence yourself with the palm of your hand to not laugh. Also desperately hoping that it's the loss of you on top of him that makes him upset in his sleep and not just the sudden lack of warmth.
His hair has been matted and tangled during the night, stray strands swept over his face, and he still he looks so good. You sit there on the floor staring at him for a good minute before you try to crawl away, struggling into your thermal pants and socks with a few silent curses slipping from your mouth.
If you're honest, you thought your foot would be fine by now. You clearly remember thinking to yourself that it would be over in five minutes when you fell. It's been a day and it's still swollen and hurting like a bitch—crawling to the door is the only way, though undignified.
You kind of miss being carried around while trying to haul yourself up to a stand with the help of the doorway. And you're also thinking about how Tony would have this picture printed and framed if he had a camera in his hand right now.
Outside it's still snowing, and the moderate layer of white, shimmering crystals covering the ground has grown to being outrageous during the night. It reaches up to your knees as you shuffle out just a short distance from the porch.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why am I doing this? Goddamn shit, ow," you whisper to yourself while trying to go about this in a dignified way that won't permanently disable you. "Ah. So cold. So cold."
And you're so hungry and tired and also might cry soon if things don't get better. Have you always been this sensitive? It feels like you're not. Circumstancial changes to your personality, hopefully.
Three days ago you were playing chess against Bruce in his lab while waiting for an analysis to process—that was, up until then, the most aggravating and complicated quest you had ever taken upon yourself (mainly because you do not know how to play chess). Right now you're peeing half-naked with snow up to your knees and a sprained ankle outside of a stranger's house who is most likely some kind of supernatural man and also very handsome. Is it weird that you're attracted to him?
Despite the rugged lumberjack-Tarzan type sleeping twenty feet away, you have a hard time seeing the silver lining in your misery. You're stuck and probably proclaimed dead. If you were a more positive person this could be counted as adventure time and great storytelling-material in the future—autobiography material, really. New York Times Bestseller List if you write it good.
But you're scared. You don't really know where you are and Steve might be out there looking for you. Yes, he is a super soldier, but it's not safe wading through a snowstorm without proper gear and knowledge. Steve can get cold too, despite how much he denies the slight shivers you've seen him develop during freezing walks in the winter. God knows he might wander off in the wrong direction and give himself hypothermia. Also a panic attack because this has to give him flashbacks to his time in the ice, right? Nightmares about being frozen solid like a popsicle?
By the time your teeth has since long started chattering, and you struggle to get up the zipper of your pants with your stiff fingers, a rustle in the trees surrounding the grounds forces you out of your daytime overthinking. The goosebumps on your skin instantly escalate to tiny mountains as you look around frantically for whatever threat is about to devour you.
Black fur emerges from between the branches, accompanied by a bark-like sound bordering on a happy chirp. You have to steady yourself to not fall over from shock as a bear cub wades through the snow, fuzzing up the powdery flakes as its dark coating slowly turns white from the steady snowfall.
Tears are dangerously close to being shed as you crouch down with your mouth agape. That was the last drop. A bear cub? Seriously? Sorting your thoughts through the big, blinking 'that is the cutest thing I have ever witnessed' is absolutely hindered by the fact that the bear is the cutest thing you have ever witnessed.
"Hi, baby," you say through a chuckle, stretching your hand out despite knowing that the bear could very well kill you. Because bear cubs are still dangerous, right? No?
It must be quite a few months old, if not a year, but the urge to hug it overpowers the underlying carefulness telling you to step away. Why did you ever think you had useful survival skills? A walking teddy bear comes into your sight and you abandon any reason.
The bear is hesitant as it catches sight of your figure, but it seems like the curiosity is stronger for it too. Slowly, and a bit clumsy, the cub makes its way through the deep snow until the wet nose nearly touches your fingers.
"Oh, you're so cute," you whisper with a blinding smile breaking through the chattering. "Where's your mother, huh? Have you gotten lost?"
It feels like maybe the soul of a tame cat has possessed this little bear as it latches on to your leg, paws embracing you with its nose snuggling into the stiff fabric. A shocked laugh escapes your lips as you gaze down at your new favorite being, possibly triumphing both Steve and Winter. Maybe it's too soon to decide wether or not Winter gets a place in your favorites category, but this one certainly does.
A shriek sounds through the air as your balance, which was compromised to begin with, falters and sends you to the ground with an especially hard nudge from the bear. Newly fallen snow wells up into the air as you hit the cold and soft layer with a thud, giggling like a little school girl as the bear releases a happy chirp.
"You want to play?" you ask, reaching your arms out while completely forgetting to be freezing cold like you should be. You didn't really have time to put on a jacket on top of your Henley before.
The bear pushes up snow with its nose, sending flakes into your face as if it splashes water jokingly. You throw some back, earning a shake of its fur to rid itself of the white formations.
But the door to the cabin is thrown open harshly, smashed against the wall, before you have any more time to resume your playtime. Winter barges out with his large and threatening build so tense that you fear he might pull a muscle. His eyes flicker over the scene, searching for your figure until he finds you half-buried in the deep snow with a bear hovering over you.
The panic is instant—you see it clearly from where you're craning your neck to catch sight of the sudden commotion. He's not wearing any shoes, but he runs out into the snow without hesitation anyways.
A growl sounds from his chest, puffing himself up to appear more threatening. For the first time you see the power he possesses—the real underlying danger inside of the man who has been so sweet to you these past 24 hours. But you're still not afraid of him.
"Wint—"
You begin calling out his name, try to explain that the bear wants you no harm, but the attempt is futile. Winter is fast, and before you can even say the whole of his name he has dragged you up from the ground with one arm while the bear fearfully runs away.
His hold is too tight for you to get a word out as he hastily brings you inside again, smashing the door shut and setting you down on the floor. This time he's careful of your foot, letting you hover just a few inches above the ground before slowly easing you down as to not lay any unnecessary weight on your ankle.
Winter's hands instantly find your face, eyes roaming over your body with frantic desperation.
"You—no hurt? Okay? Good?" he asks, tilting your chin up while inspecting the small patch of exposed skin on your neck.
His breathing is heavy. And you can understand what it looked like—he must've thought you were being mauled to death. Even though the bear was far from full grown they could still be dangerous, you think.
"I'm okay." You can't help but smile, despite it being a small one. "The bear just wanted to play. It was a really kind bear."
Winter furrows his brows into a frown, letting his gaze wander up to your face. A few seconds pass of him inspecting your expression, as if he's assessing wether or not you're sincere, before he lets out sigh.
A small pout grows on his face, drawing a giggle from your lips. He's cute like this.
"You were gone...so scared. Then I heard scream and saw bear," he tells you while shaking his head, tilted down towards the floor.
The smile on your face eases out into a sigh, hand instantly finding his forearm with a soft touch. "I'm sorry, Winter. I didn't want to wake you up and I had to pee. The bear just came out from between the trees and came up to me."
"But—no hurt?" he asks you once more.
You shake your head. "No. I'm completely fine. Just a little cold."
Winter lets out a puff of air from his nose. "Always so cold. All the time," he says, taking a step back from you to drag a chair out in front of you, before turning towards the fireplace.
"I am not. It just happens to be freezing outside and this cabin does not have any heat," you protest while sitting yourself down.
You watch as he reaches for the chopped wood stacked upon each other right beside the fireplace, throwing in a few more to feed the fire.
It crackles loudly, hypnotizing you for a few seconds before you start to feel the wet fabric clinging onto your skin.
"Do you have any other clothes?" you ask, arms encompassing yourself. "This shirt is all wet and cold from the snow."
Without any hesitation, he plucks his wine-red shirt off his back to reveal a tight, black long sleeve underneath. His right arm reaches the shirt out to you, meeting your doe-eyed gaze.
On a continuous roll, Winter has shown you kindness upon kindness ever since you woke up. It's all too much and you don't really know how to repay him. He's taken care of you so well, protected you and fed you and kept you warm and now given you his clothes. He barely even knows you.
With slight hesitance, you turn to the side and cling onto the hem of your shirt. You have to remind yourself that Winter probably won't mind if he sees you half-naked. He's already seen the bottom half of you in just underwear without having any significant reaction, so it'll be fine if he sees you in a bra too.
The collar gets stuck for a few seconds, and you struggle to get your head free for a good while. Gracious as ever. When you're exposed to the world again, you instantly feel the intense gaze of Winter on you.
His stare is zeroed in on your chest, the dark blue lace covering your breasts leaving little to the imagination when it comes to your nipples. No, you did not expect a single soul to witness your underwear on this trip while packing. But you kind of like dressing up for yourself a little bit too.
Winter parts his pink lips, drawn closer without even blinking. You sit there, gazing up at him while forgetting to take a breath. It's okay—he's just curious about the anatomical differences rather than the sexual aspect of it. You think.
"Touch...please," Winter murmurs as he stares at your breasts nearly spilling out of your bra.
And you have to suppress the sudden giggle that wants to escape. Winter looks like a kid staring at a lollipop, like he will burst any second if he can't inspect your fucking boobs.
"Ugh, they—soft. Look soft. Pretty," he whispers.
With a giggle you nod, giving him the okay to touch. You shiver now even before, despite feeling rather calm about it.
He uses his right hand to reach out. Ever since you flinched away from him that first time he's been hesitant to use his metal one while touching you, even though you don't mind. You have to tell him that.
"Never seen before—so soft. Oh."
His genuine excitement over having his hands on you draws a chuckle from your lips until he squeezes a little too hard.
"Be gentle. It hurts when you use too much force, okay?" you tell him.
He nods in answer, focus not straying from your breasts even once. He's mesmerized—he's never felt anything this pliable and cuddly on a person. In Hydra he only met rough men, consisting of hard muscle and rough handling. The entirety of you is just so soft.
"Off. Want away."
A tug at the strap of your bra paired with a wide-eyed gaze and pupils covering the entirety of his eyes signals that he'd be much happier without the offending fabric covering you. But you're not sure. It feels like a step too far.
Your fingers clasp softly around his, pushing them away from you gently. "Not today."
"Why?" he asks you with an expression bordering on a pout.
"Because I'm not comfortable with that. Do you remember when I explained that word?"
Winter nods while lowering his head to watch  his left hand as it flexes open, leaving a whirring sound after him. He looks a little bit upset about it, but doesn't pressure you any further. The truth is that you're worried he might not know what it implicates—what it might lead to. Because you sure as hell have a hard time controlling your feelings right now, and from what you've seen of Winter he doesn't have a lot of boundaries or impulse-control himself.
You put on his shirt in the silence, even though he's still looking at you. The cold temperature has made your nose runny and the only sounds in the room are now your sniffles, the crackling fire and Winter's whirring arm.
"I, uh, have to find—eat," Winter says, bringing his fingers up to his mouth while parting his lips. A soft smile cracks through your solemn exterior, relaxing into your chair.
"Food?"
"Yes. Food."
He looks down at you, eyes raking up the entirety of your figure, before reaching for a large fur that he drapes over his shoulders. You almost think you hear Winter whisper a "so small" to himself as he exits through the door, sending a gust of cold wind inside that makes you shudder.
As you follow him with your gaze through the window, he nearly looks like Leonardo in The Revenant with the rugged long hair and large fur as the snowflakes steadily rain down on him. Sam made you and Steve watch the movie a few weeks ago.
You wonder if Steve's been able to contact anyone. He definitely tried, if you know him as well as you think you do. Everyone back at the compound probably thinks you're dead by now, and might not look for you. If it weren't for Winter, you would be dead after all.
•  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  • 
Two long and despicably boring hours drag on before you hear footsteps outside on the porch. And you can't help but stand up from where you've been sitting on the floor, limping towards the door as it's thrown open.
Winter has three fishes hanging from his hand. Slightly comical and also a little gross. There's probably some lake around here that he's been able to drill a hole into or something.
Your amused smile meets his stoic face that lights up just slightly when he sees you. Butterflies and heart eyes or what not—if he had been just a tinge more adapted to social cues he would've noticed the impact he has on you.
Winter's break in resolve quickly disappears as he realizes just what you are doing. He told you to not move a finger while your foot was still hurt.
"No. No standing," he seethes, nodding towards the tattered couch. You just give him a teasing smile in return. "Y/n. Little bunny," he sighs, laying down the fishes on his table and a handful of red berries that roll away.
"What, Winter?" you ask, trying to will the heat away from your cheeks. If you're honest, just standing like this is completely fine. It's walking that hurts like a fucking bitch.
With slow steps he nears your figure, towering over you with his massive build. You have to crane your neck to see his face, shuddering with the quiet growl sounding from his chest.
"No standing, I said. Only I carry you," he tells you, pointing his finger into your chest.
A gulp. An exhale that makes you realize how dry your mouth is all of a sudden.
"No?"
"Not listen to me. Makes me not happy—angry," Winter says. "Foot will be more bad if standing on it all the time."
Two dozens of minutes later he has obviously gotten his way. You don't think you could say no to him when he flashes those blue eyes of his without even trying.
Comfortably sitting on the couch that has been moved closer to the fire with a fur blanket wrapped around your shoulders, you watch him prepare food for the two of you once more. An old copper pan is filled with snow that has since long melted, now boiling so you can both drink some water for the first time in almost two days.
The palm of your hand is filled with cranberries that Bucky picked just for you—he told you so himself—that you've been snacking on. They're a little bit sour, but you're so hungry that you'd practically eat anything.
"Winter, can I ask you something?"
He turns his head around, facing you while laying down his knife.
"What did you do before coming here? Who were the people who called you, uh, who called you an Asset?"
A frustrated breath of air comes out of his nose, like merely the thought of his past angers him. And you begin to suspect that he has all right to feel that way.
"They made me kill. Have made many people dead with this arm."
Winter stretches it out in front of him, inspecting it like it is the first time. With disgust and a distaste so deeply ingrained that you can see his pained thoughts from here.
Within the blink of an eye he turns his attention towards the fire again, turning the fish so it doesn't get burnt. You don't say anything.
"They made me forget also. I did not want to, so then use special words and machine to make me do things." His back is tense now, the outline of his muscles distinct through the fabric of his shirt. "Hold me there for so long. Can't remember anything now from before."
The sound of a knife scraping against metal pierces through the air. It's the tip dragging against his arm, without creating as much as a dent despite the pressure.
"I do not want to hurt. Not you ever," Winter says.
The breath gets stuck in your throat, eliciting a choked, high-pitched sound as you try to find an answer worthy enough of the horrific crimes just confessed to you. All this he has been through, all the things he has done for the past two days, and he has the nerve to assure you that he means no harm.
"Winter," you whisper, barely noticeable when your throat is so thick and dry that you can barely speak. "Look at me. Please."
A sea of blue and sorrow and hatred and so much softness meets your own eyes. God, this man.
"You deserve good things. And I am not afraid of you, nor should you be of yourself. Honey, you've suffered enough. Don't let yourself be another source of pain."
Your palm comes to rest against his cheek, eyelids fluttering shut as he leans into your touch. You don't know if he understood every word, but it doesn't really matter as long as he understood the meaning behind them. And you think he does.
Winter cries. Tears, though few, leak down onto your skin as he silently grieves what life was taken from him. You don't know much about what he's lived through, but you know enough now to mourn for him too. You know enough to hold hate larger than you ever have for the people that used him.
That evil in the likes of villains on a screen exists among humanity is not new. You've heard about it in mission reports, in conversations between agents and seen it up front. Though nothing new, it hurts and aches in parts of your heart you thought were permanently disabled. Empathy has never been your strongest point but it might just break you right now.
"C'mere," you whisper while holding your arms out for him to escape into.
Winter drags himself forward to close the few feet between you, arms wrapping themselves around your waist as he buries his face into your lap.
What must be half an hour passes by with your fingers tangled up in his hair, nails gently scraping his scalp, and Winter's soft breathing warming up your legs. His own must be numb by now.
The food is long forgotten and probably burnt. You haven't really taken your eyes off of him for the entirety of this time. And despite what must be a routine lacking any sort of hair care, Winter has strands softer than a kitten's and a newfound source of jealousy for you. In these moments you don't particularly mind when your hands are the ones who get to feel his dark brown hair sift through your fingers.
But it hasn't been silent. No, you've rambled on about anything he might find interesting about your life to keep him distracted. He doesn't say anything, but you know he's listening. During things he doesn't like he squeezes your thigh, and sometimes he lets out quiet sounds as reaction.
"I love reading. I've probably read fifty books this year outside of research for work," you tell him, leaning your head back against the couch. "But not any classics, those are too hard to understand. I like simple stories with clichés and happy-endings. Makes me believe that I might find happiness like that someday too."
A particularly noticeable puff of air escapes Winter, hitting your leg with the warmth of it. An agreement, maybe? Or a silent plead for you to shut your mouth for a second?
"Oh, and I cook a lot too. But mostly the same three dishes. I'm not really that good, but I've perfected this tomato sauce I've been doing since I was 18."
You lift your hand to scratch your nose for only a second, and Winter still lets out a nearly silent whine for your absence. It makes you laugh, tugging on a few strands in answer.
"Do you want me to talk more?" you ask him.
He nods, holding onto you a little tighter.
"And is it really comfortable sitting on the floor? Don't you wanna come up to the couch?"
A shake of his head. Still. A nod.
Winter places his hands on either side of you, pushing himself up from the floor until he's standing tall right in front of your figure.
It only takes a pat of your hand on the cushion beside you for him to sit down. You push yourself into the armrest, legs crossed to your best ability with a foot that still has good swelling to it, to give him enough space. The couch is too small in reality and had its shining moments before you were born, but when Winter unfolds your legs and drapes them over his lap the two of you fit well enough.
“Thank you,” his rough voice croaks out after a silence so long you nearly forgot the meaning of speaking. The comfortable silence is always going to be good enough communication for you.
Your eyes are closed and too heavy to open again. What time it is you have no idea about, but it’s dark and you’re exhausted, but find some sliver of energy to answer him.
“What for?” you ask, soft voice on the verge of being slow.
“You are very…kind. Kind and uh, cute. Pretty.” His hand strokes up and down your leg, as if the thought of not touching you is unbearable. “Also smell so good. Want to be close all the time.”
The entirety of your body tenses up and you don’t know why. Why do your limbs turn to stone when his words burn in your veins, sends heat to your face and ears and heart that beats faster with each passing second?
You want to answer, but Winter beats you to it. Instead of expecting you to say anything in return he pets you on the head gently.
“Little bunny so tired. Already sleeping almost,” he says, more to himself than for your sake. You already know how tired you are.
The solid couch disappears from underneath you as he carries you with him to the bed. And just like last night, he maneuvers you until you’re laying flat atop of him.
A pleased hum sounds from your lips, snuggling into his warm hold with a tired smile adorning your face.
“Winter, tomorrow I would really like some pasta. A big pot that nobody else gets to taste but us,” you mumble. “Not even Steve.”
And Winter doesn’t really understand what you’re babbling about, but you can feel his smile despite your eyes being closed.
You could get used to this, and you haven’t felt like a life without Steve constantly nearby is something you could ever be without before. Two days and nights is all it took.
It scares you.
Part III
197 notes · View notes
puppypopcornpizza · 6 months
Text
Injuries
Warnings ➳ violence
Pairing ➳ Bucky Barnes x F!reader
Word Count ➳ 302
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The last thing she remembered clearly was her name on Bucky's lips. Worry in his brow before a fist connected with his jaw, the attacker falling to the ground after her. 
Flashes of panicked eyes and an arm over her waist, crying out when the pain shot - he'd apologised a thousand times over by the time footsteps hit safety. She only remembered half of them. 
"You're okay." 
"Shit, I'm sorry." 
"I got you." 
Sam's voice chattered in the background; another cry at a bump in the road and more apologies followed. Bucky's grip on her never faltered, almost tightening the closer they got. She didn't stop herself from leaning into him, breathing in earthy leather and something vintage. 
"How's she doing there, Buck?" Frenzied back-and-forth questions and arguments. Bucky's chest vibrated when he raised his voice. 
"Shhh." If she tried speaking, she'd slur. The most she could give was noises. 
"No, no, no- you gotta stay awake." 
"Shh…" 
The room was dim. A quiet noise from a TV somewhere far away, cars in the window and dancing curtains. Soft light weaved through a crack in the doorway. 
If she ignored the sting, there was bliss and comfort. Black leather in the corner of the room, missing an arm and carelessly thrown on a chair. The room only smelled of him. 
Flooding light and a creak, his face was apologetic even in the dark. 
"How bad?" She almost couldn't get the words out. 
"Few scrapes, everything's still in one piece."
Soft pained chuckles, her head hit the pillow as something clinked next to her. 
"I'll come back in a few hours, eat something." Nods to the bowl on the end table, she almost grinned at the gesture. 
"Stay for a bit?" 
She watched Bucky's face conflict, he almost said no. Almost. 
"Cards?" 
"Yeah." 
33 notes · View notes
navstuffs · 2 years
Text
Protocol 77
Pairing: Firefighter Steve Rogers x GN!Reader
Summary: THIS IS NOT A DRILL!; or where Steve has to save you for real now.
Warning: LONG ONE-SHOT, accident description, blood, injury, mention of DUI, steve feeling powerless/panicking, mentions of anxiety attack, swearing, steve is insecure/belittles himself, angst with good ending, some usage of y/n, bonus scene with protective steve/sam/bucky at the end.
Author's note: i knew the second part of Evacuation Drill had to be with a real one: steve really saving reader this time, this one being less sexy and a little more dramatic. there will be some inconsistencies in this fanfic as well (doctors can only give info about patients to family members, for example). most of the rescuing references came from this video, so you can watch to have a visual of what they are doing. also thank you so much for the feedback on the first part, i hope you guys like this one as well! gif credit to its owner.
Part 1
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When the crash happened, you weren't looking at your phone. It had been vibrating the whole day, begging for your attention but you didn't have the time to look at it. You had been driving home, exhausted. You had a really stressful day at your work, with your boss Jerry suddenly informing the team Friday morning that "they" had a huge project for Monday! It wasn't anyone's fault in the team except Jerry's, who had warned he needed that presentation to show the directors. Everyone was ordered to stay late that Friday, except Jerry, to finish the presentation. Your boss had left at 5 o'clock, on point, ordering no one to leave until those slides were ready and e-mailed to him.
You had a pretty competent team, so everyone worked together to finish. Leah was the first to leave; she had twins to take care and she couldn't pay extra for the nanny. She promised to continue her work at home. Polly also couldn't stay more; she took care of her sick grandma. Soon everyone started leaving due to their personal lives, promising to continue at home, except you. You believed in them. The team was strong, except for Jerry. They all looked at you as their boss figure anyway since they knew they couldn't count on Jerry. You wondered how he even got that boss position.
You were so deep in your thoughts, you didn't realize a huge car was speeding through the red light, directly towards you.
-x-
Steve Rogers watched as Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson played some ping pong. It had been a slow night. They had received a call from a cat trapped in a tree(Bucky affirmed over and over again that the old lady had a crush on Steve, that's why she kept calling), some teenagers started a fire in a trashcan in a park and a lady who called about her house being on fire. After a complete check-up in her house, with no sign of any fire anywhere, they realized her alarms were defective due to battery. She apologized profusely, giving them cookies.
"It's Friday night, soon we will probably have something," Natasha Romanoff stated on their way back to the station "At least, we got cookies."
Steve's life had changed in those a lot in those last couple of months: first, he had become an official firefighter. He loved his job, he loved helping people. He felt his purpose was being filled and he was happy. Proud of himself, he would have to admit.
Also, he had a new person in his life: you. He almost couldn't believe it. Since the evacuation drill, Sam gave him your phone number and you started exchanging texts daily. On your first date, he was extremely nervous, because Steve felt completely out of your league. You were so pretty, intelligent, successful, and well, he was just a once skinny kid from nowhere in particular. But for a miracle, you were interested in him. The first kiss came on that same night, outside your door.
Sam and Bucky were eager for all juicy details the following day and Steve could swear Natasha was listening to the conversation as well. He shared about the kiss, making Bucky celebrate and throw his fists in the air. Sam crossed his arms, stared at him very seriously. Sam made Steve promise he wouldn't hurt his best friend. Or else, they would have problems.
Steve twirled his phone in his hands, checking if there were any new messages from you. Nothing since 9 AM. You told him there was some critical project, Jerry again (gosh, he hated Jerry), and you probably would have to work late again. Since then Steve tried to call you at lunchtime and texted a few more times, during his free time, with no answer. Steve was tempted to ask Sam if he had heard from you when they heard the alarm.
Steve jumped from the chair, running to their truck followed closed by the rest of them. Natasha jumped in the driver's seat with Sam in the passenger seat. Bucky and Steve went behind them.
"What is it, what is it?" Bucky inquired, rubbing his hands in excitement.
"Car collision. A car was crossing the green light when another one hit it, at high speed, making the car flip two times and hit a pole. One driver is okay, but the police don't know the condition of the other one." Natasha informed them and Steve could hear Bucky almost cheer. She hushed to turn the siren, driving fast through the city. Lieutenant Natasha was the best driver in the whole station really.
It was a nice change of pace for that monotonous night, but why did Steve have a bad feeling about this?
-x-
When they arrived, police had already circled the area. There was a crowd forming, some people with their phones out. The police officer informed them the driver who caused the accident had only gotten some minor injuries. They were testing him for DUI at that moment, but they couldn't get any information from the other driver. Not good news: their victim was most likely unconscious.
"I hope they survived this. It looks so bad." The cop reported the team.
The car was destroyed, just a black mass laying on the side against the pole. It was hard to believe there was a human inside there. There were parts of it everywhere splattered on the street, proving the collision was violent.
"That driver must have come super fast. Jesus..." Bucky asserted, shaking his head.
Steve mentally wished the driver would be fine. It looked like there was no gas spilled so the driver could consider themselves very lucky. When they started getting closer, his bad feelings started to get worse. Steve unconsciously looked at Sam who seemed to have the same thoughts as him.
"I will check on the driver and then we can decide how we are going to take this person out," Natasha ordered and they all agreed. Steve knew exactly what that meant: if they were going to recover an injured person or possibly just a body.
Bucky helped Natasha get up into what seemed to be the passenger side and she turned on her flashlight, looking inside. For a moment, they couldn't see her head while she observed inside.
"Fuck..." Natasha cursed. That was strange. Natasha was their most experienced professional and the one that always kept her composure, no matter how bad things had gotten. When she lifted her head, her face had lost all color and her eyes went directly towards Sam and Steve. Bucky helped her get down.
"Lieutenant?" Sam wondered, giving a fast look in Steve's direction.
"There is no easy way to say this," Natasha murmured to herself, her eyes getting watery. Steve's heart was bumping against his chest as he waited for his Lieutenant to speak.
"Is the person alive or dead? Are you okay, Lieutenant?" Bucky questioned. They had never seen Natasha like this.
"It is (Y/N). It is (Y/N) inside that car." Natasha blurted.
Steve's heart stopped beating as his mind went blank. No, it couldn't be. Natasha had to be mistaken. You were safe and at home probably, where you were supposed to be. Safe and alive.
"Natasha, how-?" Bucky started asking, shocked when Sam ran to the car. He jumped to the passenger with no help, looking inside with his flashlight.
It was really you. He would recognize the face of his best friend anywhere. But it didn't look like you. Your head was bleeding. Your legs were bleeding. Your eyes were closed. Your body was immobile. Sam screamed your name once. Twice. You didn't move an inch.
"We have to get them out of here!" Sam's scream came in panic as his head raced with what needed to be done. They needed to get you out of there as soon as possible. He had to get you out of there.
Sam joined the others, Natasha still visibly shocked and Bucky looking between them, waiting for orders. The worse of them was Steve: he was frozen, his blue eyes focused on a random point. Sam knew there was no time for this. You needed them. All of them. He grabbed Steve by his neck and made him stare at his eyes.
"They need us, Rogers. Don't you dare to panic on this right now. We will take (Y/N) out of there."
Steve felt like he was slapped awake by Sam. He was right. You needed him more than ever now. Decided, he nodded. Natasha and Bucky, influenced by Sam's words, ran to the firetruck to grab the needed tools while Sam helped Steve to get up in the passenger side, to get a good look at you.
His eyes got teary as he saw your body. You were laying sideways, your face close to all the glass pieces on the floor. There was so much blood. You looked so hurt and small. He never thought he would have to see you like this in his line of duty. Steve wished he had super powers now: he wanted to rip off that door and take you away and cure you. Make sure nothing else could hurt you.
When Steve got down, Sam warned him Bucky and Natasha were already back. Steve cleaned his eyes, his body shaking with anger, sadness, and fear. In his very recent fireman career, he had never felt so weak before. He felt like he was 14 again when he couldn't protect himself from bullies, needing Bucky to save him. But this time it was even more serious, this was about someone he deeply loved and cared about.
Steve let his eyes wander to where the cops were keeping the bastard who hit you. He started to make his way there, his hands closed in fists. He just wanted the driver to feel a little bit of the pain you were feeling when Sam stood in his way.
"Rogers, don't you fucking dare! (Y/N) needs you now! Are you with us or not?"
"If they are dead, I swear to God, I will kill him," Steve promised, his tone low and dangerous.
"I know. We both will. But for now, let's focus on taking (Y/N) out of this car." Sam sounded serious and Steve knew he was telling the truth. He knew how much Sam loved you.
"ROGERS, WILSON! LESS TALKING!" It was Lieutenant Natasha now ordering now, her face red.
The plan was simple and they had done so many times: stabilize the car, locking it so it didn't turn while they were working on it. Remove the windshield to have access to you, place the neck brace, and check your vitals. Then pull the roof of the car, safely and slowly, using the rescue stretcher to safely remove your body, still held by the safety belt. Bucky had the neck brace ready which was the first thing they had to do when having access to your body. To not damage your spine, Steve thought, his heart heavy.
So they started working. Steve could feel Natasha stare at him and Sam at times. She had recovered faster from the shock of seeing your body and Sam as well, although Sam was as young as Steve in this. Steve let the adrenaline take over: he ignored all the noises, stares, and the presence of other people. There was just you and his team.
When stabilizing the car was done, it was time to cut the windshield. Sam did that part, carefully trying to not hurt you. As soon as the windshield came out, Bucky stepped in. He didn't look at the rest of the team as half of his body disappeared inside the car, checking for your vitals and putting on the neck brace, carefully. Steve was right behind him, observing nervously.
When Bucky exited the car, there was relief in his worried eyes.
"Still breathing and there is a pulse" Bucky stated. Natasha and Sam breath relieved, but Steve had to check for himself. Your body was cold. There was still breathing and a pulse but it was very weak.
"We need to get them out of here, now!" Steve roared. Natasha gave the hydraulic claw to his hands.
"You think you can do this, Steve?" Bucky inquired, unsure.
Steve nodded, without thinking twice. There was no more trace of fear or apprehensiveness on him anymore. His sole focus was on taking you out of there as fast as he could. Without hurting you.
-x-
The whole process didn't take him too long. After Steve was done cutting the roof, it didn't fall to the ground. The roof was supposed to stay in, to help them. Sam and Natasha put the board inside, adjusting your body to directly lay on it.
As they laid the roof down slowly, your body came down with it, laying to your side. Steve and Sam rushed to bring your body out, bending your knees and keeping your feet together. Steve's mind was racing to carry you out straight to the ambulance, but he kept his mind focused.
EMS rolled in with their stretcher and your body was carefully placed in there, still laying to your side. They rushed to cover your body with an aluminum blanket and rolled out of way in direction of their ambulance. Steve rushed to your side but before he could get inside the ambulance, the doctors closed in on his face.
"They are taking them to the closest hospital, five miles away. Come on, we will drive you there!" Sam warned and they all ran back to the firetruck, Steve jumping at the passenger seat now. Natasha turned on the fire alarm, driving straight to the hospital.
Steve could only wish for the best now.
-x-
You opened your eyes and wanted to close them immediately. There was a bright light everywhere and pain. Your whole body was hurting, from your head to your feet. Especially at your ribs. There was a distant electronic beeping sound. The room got on focus and you didn't recognize where exactly you were.
It looked like a hospital room. What had happened? All you remembered was driving back late from work then nothing else. Trying to lift yourself up to observe the place better, you felt gentle hands taking you back to the bed.
"Hey hey, please don't do that. You will hurt yourself."
You looked at the person speaking and blinked a few times. It was your boyfriend Steve Rogers. Dressed in full uniform, except for the helmet. His face was dirty and he looked extremely worried at you.
"Steve?" You barely recognized your voice. It felt like you hadn't spoken in ages. You cleared your dry throat and tried again "What happened?"
"You were in a car accident last night."
A car accident? But how? What?
"We were called in. I was called in. We took you out of there."
The realization slowly kicked in. You didn't remember arriving home last night. You lifted your hands up and saw a bandage on them. It hurt every time you breathed and your head felt so heavy. You touched your head and felt bandages everywhere.
"You guys saved me?" Steve nodded. You looked behind him on a sofa where you find his protective helmet. Steve had dark circles under his eyes, his blonde hair a mess. You don't think Steve noticed or cared about that at the time. So different from the normal Steve Rogers you were used to seeing. The one with his hair always down and tidy, clean face.
Because this Steve had gone through hell. After being left in there by the rest of the crew (Sam made him promise he would send updates as soon as he knew), Steve waited for news about your situation. The doctors had come out for what seemed years later to let him know your condition was serious but stable. You had broken ribs, a concussion (they had to do more exams to check on that), one of your legs and your arm were broken, and some internal bleeding in your belly. They would keep you in the hospital for a night or two to be cautious and until the exams were ready.
After texting the group chat and calling Sam to confirm your condition was serious but stable, Sam told him he would be at the hospital as soon as his shift was done. Sam also informed him of Natasha's message not to worry, they could talk about Steve's shift later on. He rapidly turned off the call when a nurse said he was allowed in. Most eyes turned towards him as he walked on his way to your room. People probably wondering if there was a fire nearby.
When he saw you sleeping in your bed, Steve broke down. The nurse left him for privacy and Steve tried to hold back his tears, putting his hand over his mouth. That didn't work. He turned around not bearing to look at you in that hospital bed. Steve was trying to control himself as his sobs just got worse. His breath became rapid as his heart was beating faster than yours, according to the heartbeat machine. His body hunched over and Steve held his knees, the tears getting worse. He barely could breathe right now. What an embarrassment he was. He never got to stop being that weak teenager who cried when things got difficult. You laying down in that bed proved how worthless he truly was.
Steve looked at you over his shoulder again and remembered Sam's words "(Y/N) needs you." Steve closed his eyes, breathing in and out slowly. In and out with your healthy face in his mind. Your happy face. "(Y/N) wouldn't want to see him like this" a mix of Bucky and Sam's voices came into his head and he opened his eyes, feeling much calmer now. He took his helmet, throwing at a sofa nearby, grabbing a chair to sit near you. He had been awake the whole night, waiting for you to open your eyes.
"How long l have been out?" Your voice brought him back to the present.
"Five or six hours. Your family has been informed and they are on their way. Sam is appearing soon as well." Steve stated and you tried to nod, with no success.
"Am I gonna be okay? Did the doctors say anything?"
"They will keep you at night for observation due to a concussion you have. They expect full recovery from you, love." Steve answered, looking down. It was all his fault. If he only had taken you out of that car sooner.
Your hand appeared in his line of vision and Steve lifted his head up. You were crying, desperate for him to hold a part of you. Steve held your hand between his hands, kissing each one of your injured fingers.
"I am sorry. I am so sorry, (Y/N)." Steve mumbled, close to breaking down again.
"Thank you for saving me." You replied back, trying to clean some of the tears with your free hands. You wanted him to hug you, to hold you. You couldn't imagine what he had been through and just wanted to murmur that everything was okay, you both would be okay.
"If I lost you if somehow I didn't save you there, I-I don't know..." Steve confessed, holding your hand against his forehead, tears flowing down his eyes again.
"I am okay. You are okay, Steve." You comforted him between your sobs and without controlling himself, Steve got up from his chair, putting his arms over your shoulders.
It was really what you both needed at the moment. To embrace and to feel you were alive. You were going to be okay. You both were going to be okay.
Bonus:
Jerry got in the Emergency room later that afternoon with a bouquet in his hands. He had heard about your accident from a group message and felt he had to appear. Most of your co-workers had visited you already so he thought he had to show his face, show some sympathy and even cry a little bit if needed.
What surprised him was the number of firefighters in the waiting area. At first, he thought there was a fire going on in the hospital, but since he didn't see anyone screaming, running, or being evacuated, he asked for directions to your room.
What a nice boss he was, Jerry thought to himself. All he needed was a selfie with you in the hospital bed and it would make the directors see how benevolent and how much he cared for his employees.
Jerry knocked on the door and without waiting for any answer, opened it. Damn, you looked bad. He barely recognized with all the bandages around your head. You seemed to be asleep as well, so easy picture. Sitting by your side was a very tall and attractive fireman, with messed blonde hair and blue eyes. He looked as Jerry walked in.
"May I help you?"
Jerry noticed two other men, dressed in casual clothes. One was in the corner of the sofa, black hair, head against the sofa with his eyes closed. The other one was sitting on the edge of the sofa, behind the tall blonde one, his black eyes scanning Jerry up and down. All of those men were so attractive. You never told Jerry you had such sexy friends.
"Y-yes. Hi. My name is Jerry."
The two men waited.
"I am (Y/N)'s boss. I heard about the accident and decided to come to check on them. They don't look very well, so I brought flowers" Jerry announced, slowly getting close to the bed. There were flowers everywhere and get-well cards.
The tall blonde one was up from the chair before Jerry could get closer to the bed.
"I don't think you should be here, Jerry." The dark-eyed one said, getting up as well. Jerry gulped, confused.
"I-I don't know..."
"I don't know if it is your fault or not, Jerry." said the one that had his eyes closed. He lifted up his face from the sofa, his blue eyes piercing him with disgust " But everyone in this room has been kinda pissed off with the asshole that almost killed our friend. And since we can't take on him since he is in jail and (Y/N) was working late because of you, well..."
"It is not my fault this accident happened! I didn't make them work so late!" Jerry tried to justify and he didn't even know why. It wasn't his fault you have gotten yourself into an accident, anyway.
"You are lying. They had been working late because of you. (Y/N) woke up and told me about the project." The blonde tall one said, dangerously getting close to him.
Jerry's soul had instantly left his body. He felt his legs trembling as he had three pairs of angry eyes at him. He could try to run but what about those firefighters outside? It was clear they were there for you. He was screwed.
"It is not my fault, okay?! (Y/N) has been clumsy for so long, never looking where they are going. It was a matter of time before something like this would happen. If I lose my job Monday because of them, I will, I will..."
Jerry felt being pulled by his shirt and shoved against a wall, the bouquet falling to the ground. The tall blonde one was holding him there, staring at him as if he could kill him. Jerry's legs were trembling even more as he saw the other men get up. Oh, he was so freaking screwed. He closed his eyes, whimpering in fear.
"He isn't even worth it, Steve."
Steve held him there for a few more seconds, before letting him go. Jerry had to hold into the wall to not fall to the ground.
"Get the fuck out of here." Steve warned, his voice low. Then he turned away from Jerry, his attention going back to you.
Jerry didn't need to hear twice. He ran away from that hospital, cursing you and your extremely sexy friends mentally. When you got back to work, if you ever did, he had some questions to make you.
MASTERLIST | STEVE ROGERS MASTERLIST
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hellabigsimp · 2 years
Text
Back to You (4)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!reader / Winter Soldier x Fem!reader
Summary: Hydra has a way of hiding secrets and one of them just happened to be you. The support Soldat to the famous Winter Soldier himself. But in a mission gone wrong, things changes, and life just isn’t as it seems.
Warnings: swearing, blood, violence, depressive thoughts, panic attacks, use of weapons, angst
Word Count: 4.7k
A/N: So this has to be one of my favourite chapters to write so far. I hope it doesn’t seem too choppy, I did read over it and try to make it less jumpy, but it may still come off that way. Let me know what you think!
Taglist: @matchat3a @locht3ssmonster
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Five Part Six Part Seven
Masterlist
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As a soldier for Hydra, emotions weren’t allowed there was no use for them in your line of work. If Hydra could get rid of emotions completely they would, but the brainwashing only got one so far. As a soldier there was rigorous training to supress any unwanted emotions until there was this simmering rage that overtook everything. It was almost like a red haze.
The other emotions on the other hand, such as fear; happiness; sadness; they were all supressed, pushed away and locked into the furthest part of your mind, next to the memories of times forgotten. During the last few months, those very emotions were leaking. Completely alien to you during your half-brainwashed state, you were unsure on how to proceed with these feelings. Over the last few weeks, spending time with Steve and the others, you had gotten used to these feelings, gotten used to how they made your body feel.
But this was different.
As Rumlow moved from holding on to the collar of your hoodie to the ponytail that Natasha had helped you learn how to put up after you had a panic attack with your hair touching your neck, not used to the sensation as it was always in a tight and unforgiving bun. The pure, cold fear that seeped into your heart turned your blood to ice was something new. You hadn’t felt fear like this, it seemed to cling to every inch of you making you shiver, your muscles clench. You didn’t like this.
Rumlow pulled you up, grunting as he did. Pulling you closer to him, his warm breath on your cheek did nothing to warm you up, it seemed to have the opposite effect, your breath hitching in your throat. “You have caused so many issues, you bitch. But that’s all going to end.”
You wanted to fight back, you were a soldier, you had the strength and the training. But if you were being honest with yourself, you didn’t have the heart too. Your breathing was becoming ragged, and your mind was racing to the point you couldn’t keep up with it. You tried to focus, just like the therapist had tried to teach you.
Things you could see, the wreckage of the café, the people that were inside crawling out, their skins marred with dust and blood. The smell wasn’t any better, the smell tang in the air from the explosion was like tar on the tongue, you couldn’t get it off. You could smell something burning, it almost made you eyes water with how bitter it smelt. Your ears were still ringing slightly but you could hear the screams, hear the sound of the mother calling for her baby, desperation thick in her screams. It was obvious she was crying. It wasn’t working.
Everything around you were too overwhelming until you felt it, the paper of the photograph that you were clutching bit into your skin, the sudden pain snapping you out of the panicked fog in your brain. Pain. That was something that you could focus on.
There were sharp pains in your chest as you breathed, most likely something to do with your ribs. There was stinging all over your legs and arms, most likely from micro cuts. There was a gash on your knee that you could feel blood seeping out from. The searing pain of Rumlow holding your hair tightly. The warmth on your skin from the explosion. Pain was something you could recognise and focus on.
It was in that moment of clarity that you knew, you had to fight for him. You had to fight for your chance to see the Winter Soldier. Rumlow was your best chance, and he was here in front of you, giving himself to you on a platter. Without hesitating, you shove the picture into the pocket of your hoodie, keeping it safe and in one fluid motion you bring your elbow back, hitting Rumlow in the ribs. Even through all the noise you hear the satisfying crack.
He grunts in pain, his hand loosening on your ponytail just enough for you to twist around, using the leverage to punch him hard in chest. With the added strength of the serum, Rumlow flies backwards, hitting the floor hard with thud. You flex your hand, it felt a little stiff from not fighting for a while, the muscle memory was coming back though, the familiar rush of adrenaline was starting to flood your veins.
Rumlows laughed, your eyes focusing in on him as he sits up and spits the blood out his mouth, his eyes focused back on you. Rumlow always had this sinister glint in his eyes when he killed, it never used to bother you much but now, you being on the receiving end of it, you couldn’t help but feel that cold fear rear its ugly head. “You aren’t worth the trouble. I don’t know why they took you back then, you weren’t needed.”
You look at him perplexed. You had no idea what he was on about. You finally find your voice, but it came out a little weaker than you had wanted, the toll of the day making itself known. “What are you talking about?” 
“Ah so the bitch talks,” He pushes himself up slowly, his face scrunching up in pain slightly. Once standing again, he shakes his arms, loosening up. “You see, Hydra already had their weapon, but they decided to take you. They wanted insurance that their dearest weapon would always work for them, so what better way than to use the woman he loved.”
The words were like bullets to your heart. You knew they wanted more soldiers, there was a batch of soldiers in a lab somewhere in Siberia, but you hadn’t heard any news from then in a little while, not after everything had gone wrong during the training sessions which ended in unfortunate bloodshed. The doctors that stayed could barely control them. Hydra still favourited their first weapon, the Winter Soldier. But you never knew that the only reason you were created was to be used as leverage, that you weren’t ever really needed. 
“They weren’t even sure you would survive the process; you were so weak back then. That’s what the notes say. But somehow you pulled through and then they had the perfect team,” Rumlow shook his head, that smug smile still on his face. “Whenever their little toy got to close to remembering things or you, they threatened you to get him to cooperate, when that didn’t work they put him back under.”
“What was I then?” You hadn’t meant to ask the question out loud, but you had to know. If you weren’t one of their weapons they wanted to use, what good were you?
“You were useless, you still are. Why do you think we are here? It’s not to rescue you,” Rumlow spat the words like poison as he pulled out his gun from the holster, aiming it at your chest. He flicked the safety off. “For your information, he started to remember you again, he refused to kill you when ordered to. We fixed that though.”
He was remembering you? The Winter Soldier was remembering things? There was still hope, you had to get to him. It was clear to you now that the man that you had once loved with all your heart, Bucky, was in fact the same man as Hydra’s favourite toy, the Winter Soldier. Although all the evidence was there, hearing Rumlow confirmed it. 
“It’s a shame the serum was wasted on a pathetic human like you, but orders are orders,” Rumlow shrugs nonchalantly. Rumlow would’ve made a good soldier, you were sure of it, he was never one to turn down orders or hesitate when it came to killing. He didn’t need the torture to erase the emotions, he was born heartless. “Hopefully you’ll still be conscious when he comes to kill, so I can watch the sadness and hurt in your face as your soulmate, or whatever you called him, kills you.” 
You were about to run forward to try and disarm him when you heard the sound of your name. You turn just in time to see a flying red suit coming straight toward you and Rumlow. You watch as the red suit hurls straight into Rumlow who, once again, was thrown backwards and lands even further away.
The red suit settled down next to you, turning to face you. “I’m here to collect the other fossil.”
You point to yourself, unsure of what he meant exactly. 
“Yes, I’m talking about you,” Suddenly the face of the suit disappeared to show a man you didn’t recognise. “I’m Tony Stark. Rogers called me.” 
You look around the now hectic street, abandoned cars were haphazardly parked in the streets, the bright flashing lights of police were illuminating the street. You could also hear the sounds of gunfire, the louds bangs echoing. You couldn’t see Steve anywhere.
“If you are looking for Rogers, he’s off having his own fun. I’m here to take you back to the compound, let’s hope you aren’t as heavy as Rogers.”
You didn’t have time to say anything as Tony grabbed your arm, his helmet snapping back into place. Then just like that, the floor disappeared beneath your feet, and you were off, flying through the streets.
The scream was trapped in your throat, your eyes watching as the ground was lost beneath you. You look back down the street, spotting the police cars. You could also see the familiar black SUV’s of Hydra. Rumlow had brought backup.
“Rogers, I’ve got her.” You could hear Tony speaking. You couldn’t hear the reply, but you were glad that Steve was okay, he had saved your life back by the café and you hadn’t had a chance to even think about if he had survived.
You heard it before you saw it. The distinct sound of something flying at high speed towards you. You weren’t sure who threw it, but you spotted the pole aimed at Tony instantly, the soft whistling as it flew through the air was all you could focus on. You wanted to warn Tony but there wasn’t enough time, any noise you made was lost in the wind.
The pole hit Tony square in the back, the sound of metal on metal ringing out. The jarring pain was enough for Tony to let you go and then you were free falling towards the ground. You could hear Tony cursing as he stabled himself in the air before turning around and rushing to get you.
But Tony had no chance as you felt your body colliding with something hard and warm. You were expecting the hard ground to impact you but instead you felt the glass shatter on your back as you both collapse through a window, the body that had hold of you letting you go.
The hoodie cushioned your arms enough that the glass barely made cuts, but it didn’t save you from the ache in your muscles and bones. You groan and push yourself up, thankful for the serum and the durability it gave you. You look over at the person who took you out, only for your eyes to widen.
Here he was, the man you were looking for.
The Winter Soldier, or Bucky. You weren’t quite sure what to call him yet.
He had already got to his feet, the gun aimed at you. His eyes were cold and hard, almost black looking. They didn’t bother putting a mask on him this time and it gave you a chance to see him. His face hadn’t changed much, he looked older though, not the same baby-faced man you feel in love with. But he was still there, in his features, the man you loved was still there. You wanted nothing more than to walk up to him and hug him, which was something you hadn’t wanted to do in a long time. You weren’t sure you remember the feeling of a hug.
You had become somewhat familiar with the feelings that had returned to you, but this light feeling in your chest, the way your heart raced. The way the world seemed to stop, and it was just the two of you. You recognised the feeling from saccharine dreams. This was love. You loved the man in front of you.
Instead of a sentimental reunion the two of you most likely dreamed of in the past, you were staring down the barrel of the gun aimed at you. But he wasn’t shooting. You could see his finger twitching over the trigger, but he was hesitating. You didn’t want to fight him, but this left you no choice. You would make him see, make him see you for the woman he was supposed to love.
You immediately set into attacking him, the muscle memory of fighting sinking in. Pushing past the screaming pain in your body, you kick the gun out his hand, it clattering the floor somewhere nearby, you don’t both to look. One mistake in combat and you could end up dead, your focus was only ever meant for your opponent.
The sudden kick seemed to set him into motion, blocking the punch you were already throwing his way, aiming at his face. Always aiming to incapacitate or kill. With his metal arm, he caught you fist. You knew he would normally twist the arm, making the person useless for the time being but he just held your fist there, the whirring and clicking sound making you smile slightly.
“I’ve been trying to find you again.” You say, you breaths coming fast heavy, your heart beating wildly. Here was the man you were longing for, yet he wasn’t here to welcome you with wide arms. You could already deduct what his mission was, the words of Rumlow ringing in your head.
‘When he comes to kill you.’
They had given him the orders to kill you. With everything going on with all the recent revelations, this was the breaking point. They had taken everything from you, they had created you yet were willing to just throw you away. Worst of all, they had sent him to do it.
Well, you weren’t going to let it happen. You were willing to fight for what you wanted. Even with a war going on in your head, you wanted more. You wanted a life, the life that they had robbed from you. You wanted your Bucky back.
“I’m not going to let them take you again,” you said, the conviction in your voice was clear. “And I won’t let you kill me.”
With that, you brought up you other fist, aiming for his face. You knew he would normally block it by grabbing your fist, but that’s what you wanted. He let your other had go, his metal arm grabbing the other fist that was aimed at him. With ease you relax your arm and drop low, grabbing his metal arm and yanking him down. With the force of him being pulled down, you bring your hand down on the side of his knee, making his leg bend, bringing him to his knees.
Although Hydra may have created you to just be leverage, they had also trained you with the best, you weren’t about to let them get away with this. They had created a monster and you were about to be their worst nightmare.
Although the movement surprised Bucky, he quickly got out of your hold, bring his elbow round and hitting you squared in the face. You could feel the blood pouring into your mouth from the split lip that you now had. You had ended up on the floor, looking up at Bucky.
He was quick, coming for you, a knife now in his hand. You scooted across the floor, until your back hit one the office desks you hadn’t noticed. With Bucky advancing you grabbed the only thing available. Pushing it forward, the rolling office chair hit Bucky, only faltering his step slightly, but it was enough time for you to get up.
You quickly dodged out the way of his knife, attacking him back. This was how it went on for a while, both of you trading and blocking each other’s blows, the sounds of both of you grunting through exertion, his metal arm whirring and clanking. You knew all his tricks; he was the one who taught you the majority of them.
You could hear gunfire outside suddenly. Breaking one of your own rules, you spare glance outside, you could see that Tony was currently dodging said gunfire, giving it back just as much, but you could see that he was attempting to try and get to you. Whoever was shooting at him, knew where the both of you were. You needed to get Bucky back, the fear and determination, an odd combination, fuelling you further.  
With your focus on Tony outside you never saw the desk chair coming at you. The chair collided with you, a pained grunt leaving your lips as you collapse in heap with the chair on top of you. You push it off quickly, but not quick enough as Bucky advanced again, his eyes never leaving you.
You try to feel for any sort of weapon to help you but there was nothing in reach. You try to stand up, but a shooting pain in your arm stops you, your breathing caught in your throat. Something was wrong with it.
You felt the weight of Bucky on you as he pinned you, his heavy frame immobilising you. You watching as he brought his metal fist up. Waiting for the final blow, you were surprised it didn’t come.
Looking up at Bucky you noticed his eyes weren’t on you like they were before, but on something beside you. You slowly turn your head and instantly spot the picture that you had put in your pocket. The edges were torn a little, but the picture was still intact.
Peering back at Bucky again, you could see something shift in his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed together as he stared. You swallowed, the taste of blood and sweat making your stomach roll. You could feel all the aches and pains coming back in full force, your body was starting to shut down, the lack of food and sleep recently was starting to take its toll. Even as a super soldier, you needed food and sleep. You could live off a little and it would be enough to survive, but barely.
You had been barely surviving at the compound.
“Bucky,” you whisper, your voice full of desperation. “Please.”
The man on top of you slowly moves his gaze to you, a flicker of recognition settling in his eyes. You could see it, how his eyes softened as he drank your features in, how his mouth quirked a little, almost like he wanted to smile at you. A small flame of hope ignited in you.
You brought up you uninjured arm, slowly and tentatively. Bucky flinched as your fingers brushed through his long hair, his eyes never straying from your face. You push further, your fingers brushing up against his cheek his stumble rough against your raw and bloodied fingertips. You could feel how tense he was, how his jaw clenched, even with such a small touch.
You could feel the tears beginning to sting your eyes. This was your man. This was the man you had fallen in love with, and you were able to touch him again. Even though throughout the many years you did missions together you had touched him, fixed cuts and clean wounds. Nothing compared to this, this was different. This was the first time you had touch him with feeling. The first time you were touching him as his lover, as Y/n.
This was his first time being touched so gently, so… lovingly.
“Soldat!” Bucky flinched at the term, his eyes darkening slightly. You couldn’t see them, but you could hear them. Dozens of men, Rumlow at the lead. “Soldat, kill her now.”
Rumlows voice was vicious and bitter. You weren’t sure when Tony was anymore, you couldn’t hear the gunfire outside anymore. You werent sure where Steve was, but you wished he was okay, that he was still fighting. But there was a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, it didn’t seem good if Rumlow and his men had made it up here. You could see you were losing him; you were losing Bucky again.
You couldn’t lose him.
You felt the weight of him leave you and then suddenly you were being pulled up by your hoodie. You grip on to his metal arm, trying to get him to budge, hitting it meekly. You could see his clenched jaw, the determination in his eyes.
You couldn’t stop him, you were broken and battered, you had little energy left. Or maybe you had just given up. That little flame of hope dwindling as Bucky dragged you to the window you had both fallen through. The sound of the glass crunching under his foot and the wind rushing past set your teeth on edge.
This was it. Even though you had thought you’d gotten through to him, even though you had that small flame of hope, it wasn’t enough. You didn’t have time to nurture the flame into something that could withstand the vicious darkness that was Hydra. And maybe that was okay. You knew Bucky wouldn’t have wanted you to see him like this. You knew he’d hate the man he had become.
But in all honesty, you didn’t care because you were the same. You hate what you have become. The monster that they had created. Their own personal weapon. Maybe it was better this way. Dying at the hands of a lover was a better what to go. Although you hated the thought of him being wracked with unyielding grief if he ever remembered you.
“Don’t worry about me,” you gasp, your feet feeling the edge of the window, the wind whipping at you. “I love you Bucky.”
Bucky brought you close to him, his breath hot against your cheek. “I’ll find you again and I’ll come back to you.”
Your eyes widen, your breath hitching in your throat as Bucky looks at you one last time, this time you knew it was truly him that spoke. It was truly your Bucky. His eyes were the clearest you had ever seen them, you could see your own reflection in them, he was seeing you, the real you.
You wanted to reach out and hug him, to hold him.
You needed him.
But as soon as he had said the words he let you go, and you were falling. You were falling fast. You looked up at the man you loved, watching you fall to the ground. Confusion and sadness. That’s all you felt.
Then suddenly you weren’t falling. “Gotcha,” a familiar voice called out. “God damn you super soldiers are heavier than you look!”
You look up at the man holding you, Sam was flying with metal wings attached to his back, holding on to your arm like a vice. You were moving too fast, and you couldn’t see the building anymore as you looked back. You couldn’t see Bucky anymore.
As Sam slowed down and lowered both of you to the grass, you knees collapsed under you, the weight on your chest too heavy for your body to hold up anymore. You couldn’t hear anything except the words Bucky had whispered to you.
I’ll find you again.
The pain of a breaking heart was familiar and something you never wanted to feel again. You could hear someone in the distance screaming, it wasn’t until you felt someone’s arms around you that you realised it was you. Tears were streaming down your face, you couldn’t breathe.
I’ll come back to you.
You looked up at the sky, wishing for the agony to leave you, wishing for the one man who could ease the discomfort in your chest. Wishing for Bucky. You had lost him again. How could you be so weak? You wanted to go to him. You needed too. He was alone with those men.
You clawed at the ground beneath you, trying to pull the dead weight of you body forward. Your eyes were blurry with the unshed tears, you could recognise the soreness in your throat as you pleaded with whoever could hear you to let you go, to let you go to him. You fought off the hands that seemed like acid on your skin, burning you as they held you back.
A sharp pain in your neck didn’t even register until your eyes started to drop, your body getting heavier and heavier until you suddenly felt weightless. Blackness settled in and you were out.
Bucky watched as you fell. He knew that man would catch you, he had spotted him coming this way, heard him say that he had spotted you. He couldn’t allow you to get in the way. He needed you out the way for now, he needed you somewhere safe so he could come back to you. But he meant those words.
Seeing that picture had broken something in him. He recognised the people, the memory. He remembered it. Then suddenly the words hit him like a truck. His memory cleared enough for him to look down at the woman he was trying to kill and recognise her.
Y/n.
You had touched his face. He brought up his metal hand to his cheek, the cold metal not the same as your gentle and loving touch, it lacked the warmth and the intention behind it. He already craved it, was already addicted. His skin was scarred with your heat from where you had touched him. He wouldn’t forget this time.  
But there was still this overwhelming darkness in his head, it seemed like black tendrils wanted to lash out and grip hold of him. The men behind him from Hydra, the words were still rooted in him, he needed to get rid of them. He needed to burn Hydra to the ground so he could rid of the damn invisible strings that still controlled him. He wouldn’t settle until the organisation had been razed to the ground. Until that man was dead.
But he could start with these men for now. Just a few men out of the many that he had to kill.
He turned around, taking a few steps forward, making his face impassive to give nothing away. Rumlow was looking at him with a furious look, his eyes almost bulging out his head. “You were supposed to kill her.”
He spat the words out, his spit flying everywhere. Bucky didn’t care though, his words meant nothing to him. He bent down and picked up the picture that had broken the dam in his mind. He folded it up and slipped it into his pocket.
“I told you before,” he said, his chest rumbling as his fingers flexed around the knife in his jacket. “I’m not killing her.”
With that Bucky threw the knife at one of the closest men to him, the knife embedded in his shoulder, causing him to drop the gun. Bucky slid forward, low to the ground and grabbed gun, already taking out other men. None of them really had time to get any good shots in. The mainly dinged off the metal arm Bucky used to defend himself.
Soon, the floor was littered with injured or dead men. Bucky chucked the gun to the floor, looking over the Rumlow. He hadn’t gone for the kill on him. He was useful to Bucky. “What are you doing, Soldat, you are under our control”
The words tried to control him. Bucky could feel them, hated that they had an effect on him. Hated that he almost wanted to comply to them. But he shook it off, remember your voice, your words. Your touch. His promise.
“I’m not your soldier, now take me to him. Take me to Pierce.”
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missvelvetsstuff · 1 year
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Where You Goin, Star?
Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: Reader meets Bucky when the truck hauling her show horses breaks down as she is trying to leave for an event and he works for the mechanic. Passionate, secret love affair ensues. After a confrontation with her father, Bucky decides she deserves better than a poor biker like him and leaves town with his friends Steve and Sam. Three years later, reader is trapped in an abusive relationship and about to give up hope of things ever improving, when Bucky comes back.
Chapter 9
Warnings: swearing, angst, fluff
John Walker was panicking, everything was falling apart so quickly and he didn't know what to do. He was supposed to keep Y/N around until they had a kid but that damn biker came back and ruined everything.
He shook his head, he always knew what to do. He was John fucking Walker, West Point graduate, decorated Army Captain, congressman on his way to the Oval office. He had a beautiful wife and her family fortunes. He was-. Interrupted by the doorbell- thank God she's here.
He answered the door to see the love of his life, Olivia.
Olivia was mad at first, when he married Y/N. But after a long talk he made her realize that it would be good for their relationship. Well, good for his career which was always the most important thing to him.
John had a plan when they got married, he would rule over Y/N. Beat her into submission so that she didn't question where the money was going. Her father on the other hand asked too many questions. She didn't even question her father's heart attack and it was easy enough to seduce Sharon, to convince her to give Alexander Pierce the injection that made his heart sieze and stop. False promises of being with her when Y/N was taken care of and 7 figure deposits in her Cayman account smoothed the way.
John Walker had it all under control until Bucky fucking Barnes waltzed back into town, making heart eyes at his wife. Even worse, his return seemed to light a spark in Y/N that John was sure he had snuffed out completely.
And now she had proof that Olivia's kid was also his. He should have known that Pierce had some dirt on him. He was panicking because he was sure that wasn't all the dirt that conniving old man had.
Olivia came into the penthouse "John, baby? Are you alright? What happened? You never call on Tuesdays, I had a hard time finding a sitter for Johnny.
How can I help?"
John smiled at Olivia, a real, loving smile, his wife never cared about his feelings or needs unless he was taking it out on her, and gave her a hug murmuring in her ear "You help just by being here. I love you so much, baby."
Olivia pulled back "What did that selfish bitch do? I don't know why you haven't gotten rid of her yet."
John kissed her "I'm so sorry baby but I won't be able to see you for awhile. Somehow that bitch has a DNA report, that proves Johnny is mine. If that gets out my career will be over.
Brock is taking care of her but I'll have to play the mourning husband and all eyes will be on me. When things blow over we will be able to be together for real, to get married and we will have the Pierce fortunes to take care of us."
He rubbed her almost flat belly "We should be together before our little girl gets here."
Olivia smiled "Whatever you need baby."
John smiled and wondered why his wife wasn't like that. Her father promised she would be the perfect, submissive wife. Olivia kneeled in front of him "Let me take some of that stress for you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Bucky got the call from Nick Fury his heart stopped. He ran to his bike and raced to the Pierce house, arriving when the paramedics did. He didn't remember jumping off his bike and bolting into the house right in front of them.
"Star! STAR! Where are-"
He stopped when he saw her on the couch, lifeless, an empty syringe and tourniquet on the coffee table in front of her.
"Nonononono, Star, please" he tried to shake her and gently slapped her face with no response. He turned to the paramedics with tears in his eyes, moving out of the way so they could help her.
The EMT looked at the syringe and shook his head, reaching for the narcan and injecting her. He recognized her and Bucky from the recent groundbreaking. "You're not her husband?"
Bucky shook his head "No just a friend. I think someone drugged her. A friend of mine got a call from one of her bodyguards but he must have left right after. Her husband is-"
The paramedic nodded "I know who he is." He looked at the syringe. "Don't touch that so it can be checked for fingerprints."
A police car pulled up a few moments later and the officers came inside to check things out. The EMT told them what he found when he arrived, pointing out the syringe. One of them put on some gloves and put the syringe and tourniquet in a bag after taking a couple of pictures.
Y/N groaned softly and tried to open her eyes. She tried to speak but only coughed. Bucky brought her some water. She looked at him "Jamie? I must have died but it's already better than being alive."
Bucky hugged her gently "It's real Star. You're alive and I'm here. How do you feel?"
She groaned "Like a truck hit me. Everything hurts."
The EMT looked her over "That's normal with an overdose. You should be more careful.
We need to take you to the hospital. Just because you're feeling better now doesn't mean you are out of the woods yet."
The EMT's loaded her into the ambulance and Bucky held her hand all the way to the hospital.
Once she had been thoroughly evaluated the attending physician decided to keep her overnight.
"Mrs Walker besides the overdose you are dehydrated, underweight and likely more but we have to wait for your blood tests to come back. You have extensive bruising on your neck, shoulders, backside and thighs. The gynecological exam found evidence of forced coitus, including vaginal and rectal tearing."
Star looked confused "Overdose? I don't remember...?" She trailed off.
"I see. Do you remember being raped?"
Star nodded
"You will need to file a police report and a records release with the hospital so we can give them the medical reports.
Your dinner should be here soon, I've ordered a bland diet for tonight. Eat and get some rest, I'll check on you in the morning."
After the doctor left two detectives came in, introducing themselves as Det Coulson and Det May. By the time she had gone over the events of the last few days, Star was exhausted.
When she woke up the next morning Bucky was sleeping in one of the chairs but he woke up when he heard her moving around.
Bucky told her his side of yesterday's events including the syringe he found on the coffee table.
She shook her head "I don't do needles. That's not mine."
Bucky nodded "I had a feeling. Do you think John would try to kill you?"
"There's no reason for him to- wait" she groaned holding her head "When I was cleaning out my father's office I found a key for a safe deposit box that had some papers of my dads. A DNA test from John's kid with his ex, Olivia. It was dated last year and she just had a kid.
I talked to Pepper Stark and she was going to help me. John must have been monitoring my texts because he had Brock take me to the penthouse after my lunch with her. It gets fuzzy after that."
She rested her head on Bucky's chest
"I found something else"
Bucky kissed the top of her head and hugged her close for the first time in 3 years. She smelled like vanilla and strawberries, like Heaven, like Home.
"What else did you find, doll?"
"An envelope with Star written on it. In your handwriting. And your grandmother's ring. Brock must have given it to my father." She felt herself choking up
"I'm sorry I doubted you" she couldn't hold back the sobs, gripping his shirt as he squeezed her. "I'm so sorry for all the things I said to you."
Bucky shook his head and shushed her "No, Star, it's not your fault, it's Brock and John. You didn't know. Where did you put everything? The ring?"
She giggled "I gave them to Pepper to keep safe. I didn't want to take any chances."
Bucky loved hearing her laugh a real laugh, the last 3 years had been torture, missing her. "That's my smart girl. They can stay there for right now, until we need them. Unfortunately I don't think John is going to back down when he finds out you survived. He has a lot to lose and we will do everything we can to make sure he loses all of it."
Star nodded, feeling happy and hopeful for the first time in years.
After she had breakfast the doctor showed up. He looked at her chart and gave her a quick once over. "How are you feeling, Mrs Walker?"
Star grimaced "Please call me Y/N or Ms Pierce if you must. I never wanted to be Mrs Walker and will be changing that as soon as possible."
The doctor nodded "Fine Ms Pierce. How do you feel?"
Star smiled softly "Honestly I still feel pretty bad, mostly achy all over with hot and cold chills, like with a high fever. Emotionally I'm better, much better."
"Those are typical symptoms of withdrawal. I'm guessing yesterday wasn't your first brush with opiates." He looked at her knowingly.
She looked down "No, I've been dependent on them for awhile but only pills from a doctor, I've never used needles or anything like that."
"I recommend you check into a rehab, there are some excellent ones locally."
She shook her head "Does it have to be inpatient? I just wanna go home."
"It can be done outpatient but with all the physical trauma you've had I'm concerned for your safety. Do you have somewhere safe that you can stay?"
Star shrugged "I'm not sure but I'm-"
Tony Stark interrupted her as he walked in the door with Pepper "You can stay with us. Stark tower is one of the most secure buildings in the city and I have a small suite near our penthouse that we use for important guests." He looked at her fondly "It's all yours for as long as you need."
Star smiled nervously "Tony, it's so kind of you to offer but I don't want to impose."
Tony scoffed "Impose? Are you kidding me? Pepper can't wait to have you with us. It'll make it easier to meet with doctors, attorneys and all that."
Bucky was beside himself "Thank you Tony but you realize we're a package deal, right?"
Tony rolled his eyes "Far be it from me to seperate you lovebirds after all this time apart. Luckily for all of us the living quarters are all soundproof."
Star felt her face heat up but she couldn't stop smiling.
@pattiemac1
Maybe her 30th birthday would be better than she anticipated.
Chapter 10
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foodiemeja · 2 years
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Pairing: F!reader x Bucky Barnes
Warnings: Arguing, intrusive thoughts, angst, fat shaming, stress, anxiety attack mention, crying(kinda), cussing, fluff at the end I promise :)
Summary: You a Bucky always fool around a little to much when y'all have petty arguments, but you are just extra sensitive today.
[A/N]- GUYS I PROMISE I AM WORKING ON PART 2 THESE ARE JUST DRAFTS IM POSTING!! But I'm working my best on it I promise!
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You walk into the kitchen, biker shorts and a slipknot shirt on, trying to fully wake up. You had cute little carrot fuzzy socks on over top of your white plain ones. You had pulled out a bowl and the cereal, pouring it into your bowl. You brought out the milk then later poured that into the bowl as well. You got your spoon out of the drawer and then heard footsteps behind you and slight groans turning into grunts of disapproval. "Why are you eating my cereal?" Bucky asked. You knew he was gonna start a argument, or even something drastic to get at you.
"I just wanna have a peaceful day, just leave me alone please" You raised your voice slightly, still groggy from waking up. Bucky took your bowl with a snatch while making eye contact with you. You felt like a nerd trying to grab a book from a jock. You were much shorter than him. He did this on purpose to make you feel small an useless. "Give my bowl of cereal back you stupid bitch!" You screamed as you saw Sam come in the kitchen. "Sam please get me my bowl of cereal, please" you begged. Sam looked at you and then went and sat on the couch. "He doesn't help fags like you" he said with a huge smirk on his face. You felt like crying. "Fuck you! You bitch ass ape!"
"You are so pleasant!" He said laughing. "It's not my fault I'm trying to help you from getting even more fatter than you already are y/n". You stoped trying to get the bowl. Your appetite was gone once he took the bowl anyways. But that hurt. You put away the cereal and milk. You walked away and back to your room. Usually you stayed and argued. But you were sensitive today. You felt like crying at the slightest things. It wasn't your period on the way, since you had it a week ago. Going into your bathroom and weighing yourself. "Maybe..maybe Bucky's right". 135 pounds. You read that as 351. Trying to keep yourself from tearing up you get off the scale and go to your bed.
It was around lunch time and Steve had gotten lunch for everyone. Everyone came to the kitchen to eat, except you. You were watching TV in your room sulking because of how heavy you thought you were. You had been overworking yourself to do more than you can physically and mentally handle in the gym. So it bothered you alot when some one said something rude about your size or weight. You saw yourself as humongous, and other people saw you as cute and petite. Bucky would never blatantly say this but, he saw you as the most gorgeous woman he has ever layed eyes on. Such a cute curvy body, pretty plump lips, beautiful hair color, and those eyes, oh those eyes got him every time. He doesn't even know why he treats you so badly, when he's so madly in love with you. You are the star of the team. Always happy and so encouraging to do better.
Which is why him not seeing you sitting across from him had him worried. After around 10 minutes Natasha asked where you had been. Sam said you had been in your room since this morning and no one had seen you since. This made Bucky worry even more. What if something happened to you after you left the kitchen. What if you had a panick attack like you did once Infront of him. What if what he said fucked your mental state up. All of Bucky's thoughts stopped when Wanda got up and put your food in the fridge and labeled your name on top. "She'll come get some when she's ready" Wanda said with a nice inviting smile. That made Bucky feel a bit at ease with all his thoughts.
Now it was dinner time. Tony had gotten Chinese takeout since no one felt like cooking. Once the food was here a maid had took it up to the dinning room where everyone sat waiting on the bags of food. Bucky hoped you'd be sitting in your seat across from him before he had gotten there. But he was mistakingly wrong. You weren't here for another meal. Was it because of what he said. He had gotten up and grabbed his and your dinner. "I'm gonna go take it up to her. Maybe she's just not feeling well" the rest of the team agreed while Sam had a shit eating grin on his face.
He had knock on your door to find it kind of cracked. He walked and place the food on the table you had. He saw you snuggling into some stuffy's while you slept. Bucky was gonna wake you up untill he saw your journal wide open.
May 15th
He commented on my weight again. I wish all this fat could be cut off. I wish he liked the way I looked. Maybe I'm trying to hard to be liked by him, he's always like blondes, maybe I should go blonde. Bucky is always so hateful to me. Does he want me off the team? Or does he just want me to die?. I wish I could be loved by him.
This broke his heart. He didn't know how to feel. Did he really make you want to change your body for him. He loved your hips, your beautiful torso, and your cute little arms, and little hands. He loved everything about you. He couldn't believe that he made you feel so disgusted about your self. He began to tear up, untill he felt you move a bit. Bucky nudged your shoulder and placed a soft kiss to your cheek. "You are so beautiful sweetheart. Please don't change" he said, his voice low and soft. You woke up startled and a bit scared. You sat up and caught your breath. "Bucky, w-what are you doing?" You asked half asleep still. "Why were you skipping out on meals?" He barked right back. "Because... I wanna lose weight ...I'm too big" this made his lose a bit of breath and sanity. "To big? Sugar you are so perfect it makes me fucking jealous! There's no way your too damn big!". He picked you up and placed you into his lap like your were as light as air. "I know I can go over and yonder but, I love you so much, and not just for your body, I mean for you, sweetness".
You didn't even try and argue you just snuggled up into his neck and smiled. "So you gonna eat your food for me, or and I gonna have to shove it down your throat?" Bucky asked giving you a grin before you answered. "Well that depends on what your shoving down my throat" you smirked and he chuckled." You are dirty, I love you". "I guess I love you too Bucky" you said rolling your eyes while stating a kiss on his lips.
"But I'm serious y/n, don't change, never!" Bucky said looking into your eyes and waiting for your response. "I don't plan on changing anymore..." You looked back up into his eyes and gave a faint smile. He grabbed you by your cheek and kissed you so passionately it made you want to get as close to him as possible. Bucky pulled away and had a genuine smile on his face. "Could you forgive me?" His hand sliding back to your sides. "I already have, just please no more shitty moments please." Bucky placed a quick peck on your lips. "No more of those. But how about in exchange for those moments. You can be mine y/n? What do you say?" You had a big smile on your face and started batting your eyes in a funny sarcastic way.
"Jeez can I get a date first Barnes" you both started laughing before going back into a kiss and laying down and eating y'all's Chinese food.
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Always Read the Fine Print Chapter 11
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10
Who actually reads all the terms and conditions? After mindlessly checking a box years ago, our Reader unintentionally agrees to be part of a scientific study to create super soldier babies. To make matters worse, her fellow test subject is the brooding and intimidating Bucky Barnes.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: SHIELD adds yet another layer of discomfort to Bucky and reader's relationship.
Warnings: arranged marriage, forced proximity, lots of angst, violence, PTSD/nightmares, panic attacks, language, SMUT 18+ only, oral fem receiving, unprotected sex, size kink, let me know if I'm missing anything
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Your entire body buzzed with anticipation as Bucky pulled into the SHIELD parking lot. You spent the ride in comfortable silence, Bucky’s hand resting possessively on your thigh as he drove. It was enough to calm your nerves, at least until the car shut off. Then your anxiety flared up and your stomach did flips. Please god don’t let me throw up in his car, you thought. That would not be cute.
“Hey, look at me,” Bucky said softly, taking your hand in his. “Whatever happens in there, we’re a team. We can get through it together.” You nodded slowly, As long as you could stick with Bucky, you’d be able to handle whatever they threw at you. You could be brave.
Your bravery did not last very long. The moment you stepped into the conference room, you were whisked away to yet another exam room. Was Bucky nearby? Was he still in the conference room? You wished you at least knew where he was.
The nurses had you change into a gown and lay down on the table. They were shuffling next to you, setting instruments onto a tray in preparation for whatever was coming next. The moment you saw a huge ass needle, you decided it would be best to stare at the ceiling instead. Hadn’t they done enough poking and prodding?
After a few excruciatingly painful stabs to your cervix, the nurses instructed you to get dressed. It would’ve been nice if they told you what the hell they just did to you, you thought. You then realized it didn’t matter – you already signed your rights away.
When you got back to the conference room, Bucky was sitting alone at the long glass table. He stood immediately and walked over to you, placing a finger under your chin so he could study your face. “Are you okay? What did they do to you?” He was panicked. You looked like you were in pain, and that made him angry. He was the one that had to pay for his crimes., yet you were the one suffering the most.
“I’m okay, just a few pokes. A couple needles can’t scare me,” you lied, thinking you could comfort him. Bucky frowned. Kind of a stupid idea to think you could lie to the Winter Soldier. The truth was you were in quite a lot of pain, and you were terrified to find out what they just injected into you. But if you voiced all this to him, it would become more real. It was more calming to pretend like everything was fine.
Deciding not to push you further, Bucky pulled out a chair and motioned for you to sit. You didn’t protest – the pain was making you a little woozy. He rubbed your back gently as you both stared at the door, waiting for whatever was coming next. You jumped when the door finally opened. That abrasive woman from before walked in with her stupid pencil skirt and tall black heels. Following her were a couple men in suits and the man you recognized from before – Bucky’s lawyer.
“Good morning! Mr. Barnes, you look well. I hope that little farmhouse is living up to your standards.” She was mocking him. She really was the worst. Bucky grunted in response, not even looking in her direction. You hoped that made her feel disrespected.
“Well, I suppose we better get down to business. I assume you’re wondering what we did to your little friend here?” she asked, motioning to you. Her question was met with silence, so she continued. “I’m sure it’s no surprise that I don’t trust you very much, Mr. Barnes.” Bucky scoffed but she ignored him. “I had to ensure full participation in the study. What we injected into this young lady is a series of sensors. They’ll be able to tell us the exact moment sperm moves past her cervix.”
“The consent that Y/N and Sergeant Barnes signed allow no such devices to be implanted. You’re overstepping,” his lawyer cut in. You were so glad you had someone on your side.
“Oh Mr. White, I had a feeling you’d argue with me on this. Please refer to page 104, section 8. You’ll see that we have full authority to use whatever medical devices we deem necessary for the success of this study. I’m afraid we’re perfectly within our rights,” the lady retorted. “As I was saying, we’ll be notified the moment sperm moves past the cervix. You cannot play games with me, Mr. Barnes. If we do not get a notification at least once a day, you’ll be paid a visit, and it won’t be a friendly one. At least not for your little friend.”
Bucky’s jaw ticked and his fists clenched. They were threatening you, and it made him furious. He vowed he wouldn’t let anything happen to you. One day, he would kill every single one of these bastards. But for now, he had to do everything he could to protect you.
Back at the house, thoughts swirled around in your head as you fixed dinner. Sex with Bucky was amazing – life changing, really.  It was the most magical thing you’ve ever experienced. You were afraid to admit it, but you wished you’d get to experience it every day for the rest of your life. But having SHIELD know exactly when you were having sex, and how many times? Talk about an invasion of privacy. It made you feel incredibly uncomfortable.  
Bucky spent the entire meal trying to read your mind. How did you feel? Violated, he assumed, but he wasn’t sure if your opinion of him changed. You were suffering once again because of his actions. He was supposed to be the one paying for his crimes, not you. Rage bubbled up inside him as he watched you eat. There you were, offering a comforting smile with a mouthful of pasta. He didn’t deserve you. He was only hurting you. He was disgusted with himself.
You could tell something in Bucky’s demeanor changed, so you took his hand from across the table and gave it a squeeze. He wouldn’t even look at you.
“Bucky?” you whispered. He could hear the hurt in your voice but didn’t respond. “Bucky, what’s wrong? Please don’t shut me out.”
Hearing the pain in your voice, how you were begging him to open up, it broke his heart. He couldn’t bear to see you like this,
“I’m sorry, doll. I’m so sorry,” was all he could say. He wrapped you in a tight hug and buried his face in your hair. You weren’t quite sure why he was apologizing, so you just wrapped your arms around his slim torso and reciprocated the hug. He released you just enough to lean back to look at your face. “This is all my fault. I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this.”
“Bucky…” You didn’t know what to say. He didn’t deserve this either. It wasn’t his fault, but clearly he feels guilty. Words wouldn’t come to you, but you had other ways to comfort him. You reached up and traced along his jawline. Slipping your hand to the back of his neck, you pulled him down for a kiss. You were gentle and cautious – one slow, meaningful kiss. You pulled back and searched his face. The deep lines in between his eyebrows were softening, and his eyes were lighter. The kiss must have eased some tension, but that wasn’t enough for you. You wanted him to feel good.
Leading him to the couch, you motioned for him to sit down. You knelt down in between his knees, moving slowly to see if he’d stop you. When he didn’t, you slowly unbuckled his belt, pulled down the zipper, and sprung his cock out of his pants. Your eyes widened and you instinctively licked your lips. You’d never get used to how big he is. You looked deep into his eyes as you ran your tongue from the base all the way up to the tip. His eyes rolled back and a moan escaped his lips. You swirled your tongue around his shaft, slowly taking in his cock inch by inch. Bobbing your head as you made your way down. What you couldn’t fit in your mouth, you rubbed with your hand. Your other hand was gripping his strong thigh for support. You lost yourself completely, so focused on how amazing he felt in your mouth. His hand was tangled in your hair, holding you firmly but not pushing down. You released his cock from your lips with a pop, looking up at him. He looked in complete bliss. He blinked, trying to get back to reality, and his eyes met yours. His look was sinful.
“Get up,” he demanded. You obeyed and stood in between his legs. In one swift motion, he took off your shirt and threw it across the room. He peppered kisses along your stomach as he undid your bra. His lips immediately found your nipple, while his hand mercilessly kneaded your other breast. He covered your chest in kisses and bites, sucking deliciously on your tender skin. The moans leaving your lips only encouraged him more. His hands were everywhere: the back of your thighs, up to your ass, your hips, your breasts.
“Bucky, please, I need you,” you panted, his touch alone making your body shake.
“I’m not done yet,” he replied, guiding you to the couch. As he spread your legs open, he kissed his way down to your core. Without any mercy, his tongue dove into your folds, sucking and running his teeth across your sensitive clit. He sat back on his heels and slowly worked his fingers into you, twisting and pumping his digits in and out of your pussy. “Such a good girl,” he cooed. “My beautiful wife.” His words alone sent you into a fiery orgasm. As you came, he increased his speed until he was finger-banging you into oblivion.
He kissed you deeply, quieting your incoherent mumbles and resetting your brain. You twisted your fingers in his hair and pulled his pelvis into yours, grinding shamelessly.
“Please,” you whispered. He chuckled.
“Alright, doll. I’m yours,” he replied, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled. He slid his shaft into you slowly, letting you adjust to the size. You moaned loudly as he began thrusting his hard cock in and out of you. You desperately grasped his shoulders, trying anything to ground yourself. The sensations were overwhelming. But suddenly you remembered the sensors in your cervix. SHIELD was watching and waiting. You panicked.
“Wait wait wait,” you breathed, suddenly feeling extremely anxious. Bucky, on the verge of coming, pulled out immediately and climbed off you.
“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Talk to me, doll,” he was scared. Terrified, actually.
“I just…I…um…” you stuttered. “I don’t think I can do this. Not when I know they’re monitoring us,” you admitted. Bucky nodded his head and covered you with a blanket. He kissed the top of your head and went outside without a word. You felt like you had whiplash. The stark change from mind-blowing orgasms to the sudden panic of being watched, then Bucky just up and leaving. You weren’t sure what to make of it.
You waited for Bucky on the couch, but after a half hour or so, you decided he wasn’t coming back anytime soon. You waddled your way upstairs and got ready for bed. You heard a car door open and looked out the window – it was Steve, handing a paper bag to Bucky. You wondered what could possibly be so important that Bucky would just walk away from you to get this.
You were warm and comfortable in bed when Bucky burst into the room. “Doll, you gotta get up. It’s almost the end of the day and the sensors haven’t gone off yet,” he said hurriedly. It was true – the day was almost over and Bucky had not come inside you. You shivered at the thought of what they would do if you failed.
“Okay, you’re right,” you said solemnly. It made you feel uncomfortable, but you were sure the punishment would be even worse. You didn’t have a choice. The magic of sex with Bucky would completely disappear, but you had to do it.
Bucky grabbed your hand, gently kissed your knuckles, then set something in your hand. Confused, you opened your hand to look at what he just gave you. It was a long plastic syringe, filled with a white substance.
“Bucky?” you asked, eyebrows furrowed. What the hell was this?
“Semen has to pass your cervix. They never specified how,” he explained. “Leave it on the nightstand when you’re done. Goodnight, doll.” He walked out of the room and closed the door.
Chapter 12
Taglist 💛
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joansiefics · 3 years
Text
More Like Fear Park
BUCKY BARNES X READER
SUMMARY: You and all the Avengers go to a fun park for your day off. You have a fear of heights but you are to stubborn to let anyone know, so after doing a wild ride your body was already out of it and made you get an anxiety attack and your crush helps you calm down
WARNINGS: Anxiety Attack, Tremors, Extreme Rides
REQUESTS are OPEN, please don’t be shy to ask:)
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The Avengers Tower was filled with cheerful conversations and giggles. It was finally everyone's day off and the excitement was slightly overwhelming, you were going to a fun park!!! Even though you loved spending time with your friends - family - your secret fear of heights seemed to get in the way multiple times.
When you arrived at the fun park, the fun filled screams filling your ears, added more extremity to your fear. You desperately tried to hide the shivering of your hands and stop fumbling with your fingers. No one knew of your fear of heights and you intended to keep it that way, you were an Avenger after all. Always jumping from rooftop to rooftop, soaring through the air, but that was different. The adrenaline would surge through your veins causing every bit of fear you ever had, to vanish form existence, driving every thought of heights to the thought of saving someone's life and making it back to the compound alive. But the fun park made no adrenaline efflux in you to shut your fears out but rather formed a knot in your stomach pushing the fear even deeper into your heart, making it pound against your ribs like a prisoner banging on the metal bars of his cell, trying to escape his sentence.
You were pulled out of your thoughts by a rough hand grasping your bare shoulders, slightly ushering you forward to where everyone was waiting. "You know you don't have to do this" came Tony's mocking voice with an added sneer tagging along. "And why wouldn't I want to do this? I've been waiting to do something fun since the beginning of the month" You bit back. Tony threw his hands up innocently. The silence following is heavy and ominous looks are surreptitiously shared between the people except between Tony and you who were leering into each other's souls "Which ride are we doing first?" Sam asks, breaking the painfully, awkward silence. You snap your gaze from Tony to Sam "You choose" you say excessively polite, through gritted teeth, trying to hide your timid - and anxiousness. 
Slowly the awkwardness lessen and you follow the group, like a puppy with its tail between its legs, to the ride they decided to go on first...the UFO.
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The twenty minute wait to get to the front of the line passed quicker than you had hoped. You arrive at the front of the line, mindlessly fumbling with the hem of your shirt. You stiffly and swiftly walk to a cage, getting in next to Bucky. Your palms sprinkled with perspiration and you wiped your sweaty palms against your jean for the numberless time, before you tightly clasp the metal bars in front of you for safety as the ride starts spinning. It starts painfully slow but quickly increases its pace and starts spinning to a vertical position. You felt like the lump in your throat escaped through your lips, your soul following and the inclement air punching your lungs causing the bit of oxygen left to escape you as well. You felt empty and numb but at the same time full - full of apprehension. 
To the contrary, Bucky, Steve and Wanda seemed to be having the best day of their lives, throwing their hands up in the air while yours clung onto the bars for dear life. You tightly closed your eyes, shifting your position a bit as if the ride didn't shift you enough, in an attempt to stop the wave of nausea hitting you like a punching bag, taking all its frustration out on you, but nothing seemed to help. When you open your eyes, you notice the ride starting to lean back to normal. And a few more seconds pass before your soul and oxygen enter your body again, right before the ride stops. Finally, you think as you let out a quivering sigh. "Hey Y/N, you okay?" Steve asks with a smirk. "Yeah, that was amazing." You say but your voice fails you at the end with a slight tremble. "You sure?" Wanda asks with a concerned look "Yeah, why would I not be fine after a normal ride like this, we should all do it again before we go home tonight" You say as you exit the cage after Bucky. You give a quiet sigh of relief when Steve and Wanda drop the subject and you all head back to the rendezvous. 
You have been waiting at the rendezvous for Tony, Natasha and Thor for over an hour now. "Why don't we go on another ride, while we wait for them?" Sam, who joined the group twenty minutes ago, asks. "You guys go ahead, I really just need to go to the bathroom, I'll join you later" You quickly say, not wanting to miss the perfect opportunity to escape another appalling experience. "No problem, we're going to the Miner's Revenge" Steve says over his shoulder as they already started walking. "I'll wait for Y/N" Bucky says. You've had a crush on Bucky since the first day you met him and under no circumstances did you want to seem weak in front of him. "You don't have to, I might not be done in time to go on the ride" You scold yourself for trying to make him leave, but you can't risk letting him see you in this fearsome state. "I don't want to go on that ride anyway, so I can wait as long as you need doll" His words send fluttering butterflies free in your stomach, letting them mix with the anxiousness. How you hate that smile he gives you that you can't say 'no' to and the look he gives you when his analyzing every emotion you so desperately try to hide. "Ummm, okay, yeah, tha-thank you" you stutter and quickly leave to the bathroom. 
After five minutes you return to Bucky more relaxed and already forgetting the horrible ride (UFO). It is a bit easier for you to control the quiver in your voice with the idea that you don't have to go on the next ride and the thought of Bucky also not doing it. You and Bucky start walking and making small talk. When you arrive at the ride (Miner's Revenge) the rest of the team is already on.
After a while a strange feeling creeps up to you like a thief in the night robbing you from all your balance and serenity and you can't help but show your weakness. The railing, separating the observers from the ride, the one you were resting your elbows on, suddenly became a support to prop yourself up on it with tremulous hands barely being able to clasp around the cold metal. "What's wrong Y/N?!" Bucky asked with a concerned tone. "Nothing I'm fine" you try to convince yourself more than trying to convince Bucky. What is going on with my body?!!! I was fine after the UFO!!! Your thoughts were running wild but caught when Bucky took your trembling hands in his "Y/N, just look at me and breathe, focus on my voice" As much as you hated your crush seeing and helping you in this state you hated the feeling of being handed over to your anxiety even more and forced yourself to look into Bucky's cerulean eyes. Still shuddering, Bucky placed your hands on his chest to feel his heartbeat. "That's it just breathe doll...in through your nose" you complied "and out through your mouth" your breaths were shaky but you were able to let oxygen permeate your lungs once again. Slowly but surely you made progress and were now as calm as a light breeze on a chilly day.
Bucky picked you up from the concrete, you didn't know you were sitting on, and gave you a tight hug. "Do you want to tell me what happened" he whispered in your ear, still hugging you. "I don't really know what came over me. The UFO made me feel a bit weird and I thought I was fine afterwards, but looks like my body has its own power of will" you nervously giggled. Bucky laughed a bit "please tell me next time when you feel like this doll, I hate seeing you suffer." "Thanks Buck, but I didn't want you to see me like this, it's embarrassing" You say covering your face with your hands. Bucky gently removes your hands from your face. The butterflies in your stomach was fluttering wildly with Bucky so close to you and the blood was rushing to your head making you as red as a tomato. "You never have to be worried about being embarrassed in front of me, I won't think less about you doll... And has anyone ever told you, you look adorable when you blush" And before you are able to comprehend what is happening you are caught in a passionate, breathtaking kiss. Your heart palpitating at a rapid pace and your stomach bursting with butterflies.
 When you two eventually pull away for much needed oxygen Bucky gazes at your vibrant irises "I love you doll... will you be my girlf..." Not even letting him finish you lean in for another kiss, twiddling your fingers in his hair and he has his one hand sliding over your cheek and the other snaking around your waist. "Does that answer your question?" You ask with a cheeky grin after pulling away. "Not quite yet" He states before he pulls you in for another kiss. "FINALLY!" You hear as you quickly pull away to see Sam approaching you guys with the other Avengers short on his heels. "You owe me $20 Stark" Natasha says and immediately receives a $20 with a free eyeroll and grunt from Tony. "You guys bet on us?!!!!" You and Bucky raised your voices in unison "Shouldn't have expected anything else" Bucky chuckles. 
From there the day went on rather quickly and you have never been happier in your entire life. At the end of the day, the park turned out to be fun and it's all thanks to your new boyfriend - the love of your life.
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animefans-stuff · 2 years
Text
Nightmares
Pairing; Bucky Barnes x Reader
Fandom; Marvel
Warnings/Tw; Bucky has nightmares about his past with Hydra, Bucky thinking that he hurt you, nightmares, angst to fluff, mentions of death, Bucky has a panic attack ( I tried my best during that part ) And a lot of grammer mistakes. Also, italics means Bucky's dreaming.
Sorry if the end seemed rushed. I kinda ran out of ideas.
Please enjoy 😊
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" Solider, HYDRA has a new mission for you. " A Soviet solider announced as they stood in front of a machine the organization had used to clear his memory after each mission. A book rested in the soliders hand, the book had also been used. The book was used to control him, as if he was their weapon. Looking over at them. Bucky waited for them to give him the information on the mission.
Wasting no more time, they forced him to stand up, before dragging him towards a desk that was covered in different pictures of new or possible targets along with folder's with all kinds of information. Tossing a folder in front of him, the soldier opened said folder, inside laid a picture and a name that was all too familiar to him. ".....what did they do ? " Bucky questioned as he picked up the picture of the person he was supposed to kill. Usually, he had never questioned what the person did, he'd just find them and finish the job.
But with this, he couldn't help but wonder.
" That isn't important. Solider. All you need to do, is find them and kill them. " they demanded. With that, they left, letting him quickly read over the information. Bucky pulled up a chair and sat down. Before reading what information they had given him.
Name; (Y/N), (L/N)
Date of birth; (/)
Age; (/)
Apperance; (/)
Occupation; (/)
(Y/N), that name sounding familiar but Bucky couldn't figure it out. And even if he did know who this person was. HYDRA would end up erasing his memory. So, if was better to forget.. closing the folder. Bucky stood up and walked back to the other soldier, he wasn't ready for the mission. But what choice did he have.
You let out a small hum as you drove down the road, you had decided to take a small drive to clear your mind. And so far, it had been working. " This is nice. " You said, out-loud, smiling to yourself as the trees and a few people passed by. Of course, all good things had come to an end. As someone walked in the middle of the road. Panicking, you slammed your foot onto the breaks.
The car's tires hissed as your car slowed down, stopping right in front of the stranger. Fear consumed you, as you sat in the car seat. Like a deer in headlights.
The stranger walked towards the driver's side of your car, placing his metal hand onto the car's door. He then ripped it off the hinges. Tossing it aside, he then looked down at you. " Bucky...? " Still not saying anything, he reached towards you. Panicking even more, you struggled to un-buckle your seatbelt. It didn't work.
As Bucky's metal hand came in contact with your neck. His fingers digging into your neck, gasping slightly. You kicked and clawed at his arm. Annoyed, Bucky applied more pressure onto your neck, leaving you breathless and dizzy, your eyes struggled to stay open as-
Bucky's eyes shot open as he sat up, sweat poured down his face as his chest moved up and down. Even though it was just a nightmare, it felt so real. He hated this, every night he'd have such realistic nightmares. But was too scared to tell anyone.
Hesitantly looking around, Bucky saw no sign of you. This has only made him panic even more. Throwing the blanket aside, he quickly stood up. " (Y/N)! " He called out while stumbling to the doorway, that lead into your shared room.
" (Y/N), please say something. " Bucky called out, once again. No response. Not seeing or getting any response made him panic even more. As, tears started to cloud his vision.
What if the nightmare was actually real, and he had actually hurt you ? No, that couldn't be true, you were probably just getting something...right ? Bucky nearly felt his heart jump out of his chest, at the thought of you gone.
Bucky started breathing heavily as he found himself clawing and punching at the wall, while mumbling something underneath his breathe.
" Bucky, what's wrong ? " Your words had fallen deaf to his ears, he was too caught up in the whole nightmare thing. To notice you standing right there. Quickly figuring out what happened, you rushed over to him and carefully- but, quickly pulled his hands from the wall. " Bucky, please look at me. " You said, calmly.
He slowly turned towards you, " (Y/N) you- you're okay. " He mumbled, with a weak smile.
" I thought you were- " he paused, his eyes filled with sadness and pain. " I thought that I had killed you.. " Bucky spoke. It honestly broke your heart that he went through all of that. And the fact that he was still getting nightmares, from something that had happened years ago.
" I'm alright, Bucky, let's go lay back down. Hm ? " You spoke while gently rubbing the top of his hands. While gently guiding him back to your room. Climbing back into bed, you got comfort as Bucky rested his head against your waist as your hands slowly moved through his hair while whispering comforting words.
That had made him relax.
He was happy, that you would always comfort him, after a nightmare.
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wandaromanova · 3 years
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Can u do a fic where fem!reader and Nat are broken up and they’re pretty hostile with each other but when one of them gets hurt on a mission they realize they’re still in love and get back together thank u if u write this :)))))))
I Love You
Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader
Warnings: cussing, violence, that’s it i believe
A/N: hi! i hit 300 followers! i posted my very first story 3 weeks ago and only had like 10 followers then. i can’t even begin to express how grateful i am that i’ve been able to bring people joy (or pain lol) with my stories. thank you. not proofread. <3
Summary: Ex-lovers Natasha and Y/N dance around their feelings for each other. They decide that hostility was the best course of action.
Word Count: 2.5K
(gif is not mine)
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You and Natasha dated for a year and a half before you guys decided to call it quits. It was a mutual agreement, but there was still some sort of bad blood between the both of you that was painfully obvious. The tension could be cut with a knife.
You guys were going great at first. You both understood each other on a level that no one else could. You would do typical couple things in order to compensate for the lack of stability and domesticity you’ve both had in your lives. Movie nights, designated date nights, cuddle sessions in the late hours of the night, and literally every other cliche there was in the book.
However, you and Natasha were both raised in similar environments. From young ages, you guys were trained to conceal your true emotions and that love was for children. So, communicating with one another was something that the both of you didn’t know how to do.
You didn’t try to communicate and neither did she; and there lied the problem. Natasha would absolutely freak on you if you so much as looked at another person. You would get upset if Natasha went on a mission without informing you first. There were so many pointless arguments that occurred between you and Natasha. Arguments that could’ve been avoided or solved if you guys were able to just talk to each other.
You would say that you guys did talk… just in a higher volume than normal conversation. The yelling between you both could be heard throughout the compound. Most times, you would get so fed up and tired from the arguing, that you didn’t even know why you guys were fighting anymore. It wasn’t healthy and you knew it.
You and Natasha never once told each other the big three words. That was a line neither of you dared to cross. Like the Red Room and The Academy taught you both, love was a weakness and was nothing more than a concept believed by children. You’d like to think that actions spoke louder than words, though.
You could feel the love between you both in the way you would hold onto one another after a mission had gone wrong. You could feel it in the way Natasha worried and panicked when you’d come back from a mission with so much as a scratch above your eyebrow. However, you still could not bring yourself to tell her how you felt. Not that it would matter now, considering you guys had broken up.
It’s been five months since the breakup, and at first your plan of action was to be civil with your ex-girlfriend, but she had other plans. Natasha would bark out snarky remarks whenever you would speak up during team meetings. She began to give you cold glares whenever you walked into a room. God forbid you would even breathe in her direction, she would storm out of a room at the speed of light if you did so.
So, you began to act the same way she was. Okay, yes, it was extremely childish thinking. You should be mature, regardless of how Natasha was treating you, but you couldn’t be civil anymore. So you would treat her just as harshly as she did you. You’d send her sharper glares than she would give you. You’d never listen to anything she had to add during mission meetings, being sure to make it obvious you weren’t paying attention. And you would always counter her hostile comments that were directed towards you.
The team was currently sat in a meeting. You and Natasha were meant to be sent on a mission together, to which you both immediately objected.
“Steve, do I really have to go with that over there? I’d rather go myself and risk dying than go with her.” Natasha pointed in your direction and you were immediately offended by her statement.
“No, I would rather go and die than have to hear one more word out of your god damn mouth. You’re such a bitch.” You spoke as you stood up from your seat, Natasha following suit. Natasha walked across the room and stopped in front of you. She harshly shoved a finger against your chest.
“What the fuck did you just call me? You better take it back before I make sure you never talk again.” Natasha glared at you intensely as she stared into your eyes. You returned her stare with a bored expression on your face.
“I said you’re a bitch. What are you going to do about it, Widow?” You asked her challengingly. Natasha moved to pounce on you, but Bucky, who was sitting next to your spot, sprung in and intervened.
“Let her go Barnes. I’d love to kick her ass.” You smirked as your words only enraged Natasha more. She struggled against Bucky’s grip, trying to free herself so she could pound your face into the floor, but she couldn’t break free.
“Okay! Enough. Natasha, you’re off the mission. Y/N, you’re with me. We leave in 10.” Steve spoke with conviction in his voice, fed up with the pair of you. Natasha stopped resisting Bucky’s hold as he slowly let her go. You looked at her with one harsh glare before you took the mission file that was on the table and walked out of the room. As you left, everyone in the room stared at Natasha. She huffed and stormed out of the room as well.
•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧─────────❅•
You and Steve were currently staked out in a van. You guys were spying on one of the leaders of Hydra and an infamous weapons dealer. The man was currently having a lunch with the dealer. You had been sitting there together for about an hour. You were bored out of your mind and pissed that you couldn’t get Natasha out of your mind. You wanted to punch yourself in the face for thinking about how hot she looked when she pissed. The way her eyes would widen, showing off more of her green irises as her eyebrows furrowed together in anger. The way her chest rose and fell as she took deep breaths. God, she had such nice boobs.
Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Fury’s voice coming in through comms. “Okay, we evacuated civilians off of the sidewalk in front of the restaurant. Remember, wait until they’re in front of the alley before you attack. They may have weapons.” Fury informed you both and you looked onto the monitor to confirm the empty street. Sure enough, there wasn’t a civilian in sight; good.
Steve replied with a quick “okay” before movement from the door of the restaurant caught your attention. “Steve, there they are. Move out, now.” You spoke as you loaded your gun and attached it to your hip. You and Steve jumped out of the van. Steve threw his shield and hit both of the men with it. His shield came back to him as if ricocheted off of the men.
Your gun was pointed at the both of them as you guys approached them. “Meeting in broad daylight? Doesn’t seem like a smart move for two supposedly genius people.” You spoke as Steve searched the two men for any weapons. They didn’t have any. That should’ve been a red flag, but you weren’t in the right state of mind right now.
Suddenly, another van pulled up in front of the alleyway, right behind the vehicle you both had just exited. Hydra Agents with semi-automatic guns filed out of the van. Fuck. You guys were set up. Steve shared a look with you before he threw his shield toward the men and knocked the guns out of a few of the agent’s hands.
You began to fire towards the men with your own gun. You shot them in the shoulders, sending them flying to the ground in pain. You and Steve made quick work of the men and soon enough, there were unconscious men littered across the floor.
You and Steve turned back to the two men you had previously captured as they laid on the floor in shock. They really thought their little stunt would work? Pathetic. Unfortunately, one of the Hydra agents was still conscious. You and Steve failed to notice the movement behind your backs. The man pointed a nearby gun at you and fired 5 shots at you. He missed three of them, but managed to land two into your abdomen.
You fell to the ground as Steve whipped around and actually knocked the man unconscious this time. “Fury, we need backup! L/N is down!” He spoke frantically into comms as he applied pressure to your wounds. Your eyes were open in shock as you tried to process what just happened. You were shot. It really did hurt like a bitch. What are those black spots? God, I want Natasha right now. Wait, what? No, it’s just the blood loss talking.
You fell unconscious as soon as the backup S.H.I.E.L.D agents appeared on the scene. You were rushed back to the Avengers Compound in one of S.H.I.E.L.D’s vehicles, Steve following you after ensuring the two men were detained. As soon as the car made it to the compound, your unconscious body was placed onto a gurney and you were being rushed to the medical wing.
As your body was being rolled through the halls of the compound, you were pushed by the doctors past Natasha. She did a double take and quickly turned around to confirm what she had just saw. Her heart sunk to her stomach at the sight of your limp, blood-covered body. She ran after you without a second thought, fear and dread taking over.
Natasha tried to enter the medical wing where they had just taken you, but she was stopped by a strong hand abruptly placing itself onto her shoulder. “Nat, we need to let them take care of her. We’d only be disturbing them and we need their focus to 100% be on Y/N.” Steve said in an attempt to convince the redhead to stop her plan of barging into the room like a madwoman. Natasha took one last glance at the door before she heavily sighed and walked to the wall across the door. She slid her back slowly against the wall and placed her head in her hands.
“What happened, Rogers?” Natasha asked, afraid of hearing the answer. Steve went over the events of the mission, and all Natasha could think was that she should’ve been there with you. She would’ve jumped in front of that bullet to save you in a heartbeat because she loved you. Wait. She loved you? Holy fuck! She loved you!
Natasha’s heart rate increased rapidly at her self revelation. She has loved you this entire time. God, she was so fucking blind. How could she not see what was right in front of her? She was madly in love with you. She let the things the Red Room drilled into her affect your relationship. Now, she wasn’t sure if she’d have the opportunity to make it up to you. That thought scared Natasha more than any mission ever could.
•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧─────────❅•
1 hour later
An hour later, and the entire team was sprawled across the hallway of the medical wing. Wanda sat beside Natasha on the floor, comfortingly holding her hand. The rest of the team just stood, anxiously and impatiently waiting to hear about your status.
At the sound of the medical bay door opening, Natasha shot up from her spot on the floor and looked towards Helen Cho. “What’s her status? Is she okay? Did she make it?” Natasha immediately fired off questions at the Doctor. The team stood firmly behind Natasha as they looked at Dr. Cho, their eyes asking her the same questions Natasha did.
“She coded on the table a few times. The bullets hit some major arteries, but we managed to stop the bleeding. If she had arrived even a minute later than she did, she wouldn’t have made it.” The relief of the good news radiated off of earth’s mightiest heroes. Natasha almost let tears escape her eyes, but quickly blinked them back.
“Can I see her?” Natasha asked desperately. “Yes you can, but shes still asleep. The anesthesia was very strong so she’ll be out for a few more hours.” Helen spoke as she opened the door for Natasha. She entered and let out a sigh of relief as she caught sight of your chest rising and falling steadily. Natasha grabbed a nearby chair and placed it right beside your bed. She lightly stroked your hair before she gripped your hand.
•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧─────────❅•
3 hours later
You groaned as you slowly open your eyes and were met with an obnoxiously bright light hovering over you. You heard some shuffling before the light was shut off. You turned your head towards the other person in the room and you rolled your eyes at who it was.
“If you’re here to be an asshole, please leave. I’m not in the mood for it.” You spoke as you watched Natasha sit back down in the chair next to your bed.
“I’m not here for that. I wanted to apologize, Y/N. You were right, I was a bitch. You didn’t deserve the way I treated you, but I was just afraid.” Natasha began to speak as she seemingly appeared nervous. You’ve never seen her nervous before, you’re pretty sure no one ever has.
“I was so terrified because I love you. Everyone I love ends up leaving me, and I couldn’t watch you leave me. So, I thought it was best if I beat you to the punch.” Natasha looked down to her lap and played with her fingers absentmindedly. Your eyes widened as far as they could go at Natasha’s words. She loved you. She actually, verbally said it. That’s a huge fucking deal.
“I know my logic may not make the best sense, but what does make sense is the fact that I love you. I always have and I was just too stupid to tell you. I’m sorry, I love you so much.” Natasha spoke as she tore her gaze from her hands and up to your eyes.
You reached your hand out for hers and she shakily took your hand in hers. You almost let out a gasp at the contact, you missed her touch so much. “I won’t ever leave you, Natasha because I love you too. I’m sorry too. I was just as afraid as you were. We were both stupid.” You let out a little laugh at your last words. Natasha let out a chuckle as a tear fell from her eyes. Oh god, you’ve never seen her cry either.
“You scared me. I thought you weren’t going to make it. When I saw your body being wheeled down here…. all the blood… I-“ Natasha words were cut off as you smashed your lips against hers. You winced as the pain from your gunshot wounds radiated across your body, but you couldn’t care less about that right now. The only thing that mattered in this moment was that the woman you loved, loved you too. You’d never be afraid to express your love for her ever again.
───────── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ──────────
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ltbarnes · 1 year
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Resurrection Part VI
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Summary: Bucky Barnes was only nineteen when the lives of his parents and little sister were taken right in front of him by the ruthless members of the Odinson mob. His father’s mistakes have turned Bucky into a vengeful and cold shell of the charming boy he once was, now deeply rooted in the criminal lifestyle of the Stark mafia. Sudden attacks ignite the conflict between the two forces of the city, refueling the rivalry that has been rather tame for years. Nine years since Bucky’s life fell apart, he finds it shattering once more when what was supposed to be long dead returns to the living.
Pairing: brother!mafia!Bucky Barnes x adopted!sister!reader, mafia!Thor Odinson x reader, mafia!Loki Odinson x reader, eventual Steve Rogers x reader
Word count: 3.2k
Warnings: fire, violence, guns and people being shot, technically kidnapping, petty fighting
A/N: it’s been way too long since I updated this last (a month 😃) but enjoy!!
Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist
•  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •
Smoke rises up towards the ceiling while you cough. Flames dance over the tables, ravaging curtains and walls and chairs alike. You barely see anything through your tears.
"Run! Hallway, Y/n, for god's sake!" M'Baku yells frantically while throwing his arm out in the direction of the corridor leading into the kitchen.
You don't really know how much time has passed since they barged into the restaurant. Two, three minutes at most. A gunshot was heard and Thor instantly pushed you from your seat onto the floor, hiding you underneath the table. A lot of yelling. Another shot, directed towards the chandelier with live candles swinging from the ceiling.
The fire spread quickly after that. You heard a scream and tried to place it—understand if it belonged to someone you know. At least one person must have died by now. Your ears are ringing from all the guns fired inside of the restaurant, and your panic makes things spin and figures blur. Distinguishing your own people from the ones who invaded is hard.
Beams are already falling from the ceiling. You cried out as a piece hit your forehead—rid of the flames, but heavy nonetheless. Hurts like a goddamn bitch. The sound of someone yelling your name can be heard in the background somewhere. Heimdall, maybe? Thor?
M'Baku is trying to stave off the attackers while getting you to safety. Not very successful in his endeavors, mostly because of your shock. You spin around frantically, trying to find some form of anchor to ground you, lead you out because you can't figure out which way is which.
You want to leave, but your dizziness and hyperventilating prohibits you from even separating up from down. The floor meets your knees, you barely noticed yourself falling over, blinking slowly to gather your surroundings.
It's the sight of someone pointing their gun towards what must be the outline of Loki, pressing down on the trigger in the same moment you realize who the person behind the weapon is.
The moment has passed once you scramble up to your feet. The bullet has torn through flesh and you can't really process why on earth Jack Rollins would shoot his own boss.
"Loki!" you cry, scream, out. Sobs wrack your limbs and you can't really see anything now.
You refuse to lose him. Loki has been such a crucial part of your upbringing that you consider him family by now. He is your brother, wether he views himself as that or not. Losing more family members is something you simply can't agree upon. Not Loki.
Your cries for the man become hoarse as you stumble over your feet trying to get closer. Hands grab your shoulders before you can get any further, turning you towards them with a harsh grip before you can see what happened to the raven-haired man.
"Go for fuck's sake! You're going to die!" Quill says, forcing you to look into his panicked eyes before pushing you in the direction of the hallway.
Even despite your heart screaming at you, begging you to go to Loki, you know he wouldn't want that—for two people to die when one could get out alive. A waste of life, he would probably think. So you go against what you want and move away.
It's more stumbling than running you're doing while using the walls to move forward, lungs screaming in protest as the smoke clouds the air. It thins out the farther away from the salon you get, but your body doesn't really want to understand that. It hurts to breathe all the same.
This combination of crying and coughing feels like something you haven't done since you were five years old. Scared, searching for someone you know while desperately trying to avoid anyone you don't know. Those want you harm, they want you dead. And then there's those you do know who probably also want you dead. The image of Rollins shooting Loki still displays at the forefront of your mind. Why would he do that?
Faint shouts and orders yelled in the background. Stopping for air for a few seconds. Sterile kitchen light darkened by the smoke slowly billowing in. The lights shut down. A few sparks emit from one of the lamps in the ceiling as the entire electrical system malfunctions.
Your knees are weak, and so is the rest of your body, and you have a thought or two of giving up. Sitting down and waiting for either the fire to take you or the bullets of whoever hits you first. Being stealthy isn't something you can manage right now, despite M'Baku's nagging voice in your mind telling you to be careful, with rigorous cough attacks threatening to blow apart your lungs alerting anyone who looks for you. As a matter of fact, you wonder where everyone is. Just one familiar face would be enough to keep you going, even though you want to puke from the dizziness.
The kitchen leads out into another hallway, one you've never been in before, that is almost completely dark besides the red exit signs lighting up your path just slightly. Your eyes sting with tears, trying to exonerate the smoke left. It's hard to see—maybe that's why the solid chest colliding with yours draws a shriek from your lips.
Trashing out of his grip is futile, but the immediate response, as metal glistens from his arm. The fear is overwhelming, so much that you forget to breathe, screaming for him to let you go.
You think he's shushing you, but you can't really make out any of the words forming on his lips as your watery eyes flicker upwards, just barely making out the features of the man in the dark hallway.
A small spark of recognition ignites before it's shut down just as quickly. Blinding pain sends dark spots in front of your vision as something hits the back of your head. A metal pipe, a chair? Your thrashing instantly ceases, instead clinging onto the man's arms while the spots turn into pools, clouding the entirety of your vision.
You only feel someone's palm against your cheek, hear the faint sound of angry yelling, before you black out completely. Thank god.
•  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •
"What the fuck happened!?" Stark shouts at the dozen still standing in the lobby with soot on their faces, still coughing to rid themselves of the smoke in their lungs twenty minutes later.
He has already gotten word of the shoot-out at The Bifrost, of the fire currently ravaging the restaurant and the buildings beside it. He already knows from Maria that Coulson is down. Bucky raged past him a few minutes earlier with his sister in his arms and Yelena running after him, now assisted by Banner up in the medical room.
"Rumlow. Rumlow fucking happened," Pietro says, half bent over to catch his breath.
The man is dead now. If he wasn't shot down by someone in the Odinson mob he would've been killed by the Stark's for what he did.
"He was the goddamn mole. Started shooting at all of us as soon as we entered—worked with someone else from the Odinsons," he continues, wiping the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand.
"Fuck—goddamn it!" Tony yells as he hits the staircase, drawing a palm over his face. "Birdbrain and T'Challa was right."
"About what?" Wanda speaks up from where she's leaning against her boyfriend's chest. She's probably the most unscathed of them all. Fire is something that doesn't bother her all that much.
"They got back half an hour ago. Someone blew up one of their biggest garages a few days ago and stole my goddamn watch to plant it at the site," Tony grumbles, jaw clenching down hard. He's so fucking pissed off, and for once it's not at the Odinsons. "Guessing they didn't target our warehouse either."
The silence is speaking volumes. It's clear now that someone is trying to fuck things up between the Starks and Odinsons to fill the eventual power vacuum when they shoot each other dead.
"Well, Hydra is a bigger threat than we thought, I assume," Vision says, hand resting on Wanda's shoulder while his brows furrow.
"It's goddamn war against those godfucking people now—they killed one of our own, kidnapped one of our own, blew up a goddamn warehouse—"
"Tony."
The softspoken voice of his wife sounds from the top of the stairs, drawing the mobster's head right around to look at his beloved Pepper. She is the only one who can make him listen. And he always listens when she looks this upset.
"Scheming about revenge can wait. Banner have something he wants you to look at."
"Is it about the the girl?" Stark sighs, pinching the skin between his eyebrows. He seems to be two seconds away from blowing up. A man lost his life for this.
"Yes, but not like that. Yelena knocked his sister out back at the restaurant and Bucky's throwing a fit so Banner started looking at other things," Pepper answers, gazing down at the group watching her with attention. "Nat's the only thing keeping them from killing each other."
"Well, tell them to shut up. I want to look at the girl too." Tony waves towards the door before crossing his arms over his chest. Wanda and Shuri looks at him funnily, as if they're appalled by his lack of sensitivity. Tony sighs and rolls his eyes in answer. "But I suppose she needs to rest for a while more."
"Better," Wanda mumbles under her breath as they disappear onto the second floor.
•  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •
"I. Didn't. Know!" Yelena yells, pushing at Bucky's chest out of frustration.
"She was wearing a goddamn sundress!" He throws his hands up into the air before nestling them into the mess of hair on his head, tilting his neck until he's watching the ceiling.
"She was hitting you, you asshole! How was I supposed to know that someone attacking you, and she was—"
"Darlings, lay it off, will you?" Wanda interrupts their screaming match with her soft voice, sending a knowing glance towards Natasha simultaneously who answers with an eye roll. "Why are you out here yelling when your sister is resting five feet away? Give her some peace and quiet, will you?"
"I've tried telling them that for five minutes," Natasha interjects, leaning against the opposite wall. She's been glancing over your way to see how you're doing every twenty seconds, since other people are so preoccupied with their anger to even think about why they are angry in the first place.
"Bucky—I get that you're angry, but she didn't know. She was just protecting you," Wanda says. Yelena's expression grows into a smirk, a mere second away from sticking her tongue out towards the man beside her. "And Yelena, don't fucking hit people with your gun without checking who it is first. Especially when those people fit the exact description of the person we're supposed to be rescuing."
A silence loaded with guilt and red cheeks lies thick between Bucky and Yelena for a dozen of seconds, one where they don't look each other in the eye but silently forgive each other anyway.
"Now, please, can we give this poor girl some space?" Wanda gives a pointed look towards Yelena. "Or at least be quieter. She probably has a concussion."
"She does," Yelena mutters under her breath. Banner said it was practically inevitable.
Minutes of complete, utter silence are shared between the now too many occupants of the room. People trickle inside every other second, as if this is the new tourist attraction of the town and privacy was never invented. But it's a moment of peace that is rare to find in these lives, and they know the peace will be short-lived when Hydra starts playing the real game and the Odinsons wake up to the realization that you are gone.
The first uttered word for too many minutes comes from Natasha's younger sister, who should be the last one to speak in reality, but is too curious to help herself. She has never had a filter, even in situations like these.
Yelena walks up to your bedside as if she's been held back, nearly pouncing on the opportunity. Then her movements slow down once she realizes people are watching, instead running her eyes over your figure with a critical gaze.
"Weak." Yelena lifts your arm, inspecting it while squeezing your bicep. "Could probably take little girl down in two seconds."
Bucky quickly pries your arm away from her hold and leads her a feet away with his hands on her shoulders and a deep scowl on his face.
"You are not tackling my sister down, Yelena. Again," he mutters, walking up to your figure to stand protectively by your side.
"Uh! I did not say I was going to fight your sister," she pouts, mouth open as if he just insulted her. "So protective, that one, don't you think?"
Yelena leans in towards Pietro who shakes his head in answer, rolling his eyes while crossing his arms over his chest. Natasha only glares with a sigh.
"Lena, be kind to her once she wakes up. We don't know what she's been through these past nine years," she tells her sister.
"You think so badly of me, sister. That girl is my new bestie. I have already claimed her," she answers, pointing towards your passed out body.
"You literally knocked her out an hour ago," Pietro says. Maybe to actually criticize her, maybe because she just called another person her new best friend.
"Not on purpose!" she answers, crossing her arms in defiance. "Well, I did not know it was her. Then I wouldn't have done it."
"Can everyone just leave?" Bucky seethes. His palm clenches and relaxes, breathing out deeply through his nose while trying not to break. He doesn't know if he's going to roar or cry, but he has a weak hold on his emotions and a breakdown is nothing he wants the others to see. "I want to be alone with my sister for one goddamn minute. Can you please do that?"
He gets no answer but the sound of people scrambling out of the room just as quickly as they entered. But Bucky doesn't feel like he can breathe any easier with the sudden overflow of space, because now it's just you and him alone for the first time in a decade. Right there on the bed, his little sister lies sleeping as if you weren't knocked unconscious. As if blood wasn't pouring down your face from a gash in your forehead an hour ago. As if he didn't cause an entire restaurant to burn down so he could get you back.
Bucky doesn't know what he will say when you wake up. He also doesn't know what your reaction will be. Will you believe him, that it's actually him sitting in front of you after all these years and not some weird dream? Will you be mad at him for not looking for you more, sooner?
He wants to sit in a corner and keep his distance, but he forces himself to set the chair down right by your side. Your hand is cold as he grasps it in his. You always were a cold child, so it would not surprise him if you still are. It's a weird concept—you technically being an adult now. You could do whatever you want in the world.
But instead of that thought and your hand in his being comforting, it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. The aftertaste of all the ways he's failed you and all the ways he will fail you. Because Bucky is not a good person. You deserve a life where your only living relative can offer you something else than this. He doesn't want you to be surrounded by all this blood and danger and corruption.
At the same time, he could never let you go now. He made a vow to himself when he was younger to always protect his mother and sister. He might have failed you both all those years ago, but he's sure as hell not doing it again. You are not even leaving his sight now. Even leaving you around the people he trusts with his life feels unsure. Especially Yelena—she can talk about being new “besties” all she wants, but Bucky doesn’t know if he could ever relax with her around you. He’s still fucking pissed off even though he might have some understanding of where she was coming from.
But, fuck, he doesn’t know how to even talk to 19-year olds. How is he going to do this by himself? Bucky might have known you for ten years but the person you are now will be a stranger. He will be a stranger to you. You were a kid back then, and he barely remembers his childhood, so why should you remember yours?
Most of all you must be traumatized. Bucky doesn’t know how to handle traumatized people either, despite being one himself and surrounding himself with them daily. But they never talk about shit. He’s going to have to talk to you about everything—he needs to know every single thing they have done to you so he knows how many bones he has to break.
The thought of any harm coming to the little girl who used to jump into his arms and cry about her nightmares makes him sick. The girl who drew pictures of the cat she always wished her mother would buy and taping them up on the kitchen walls. One who wanted her father’s attention so desperately that she nearly burnt herself out by excelling in school and at home and at every single thing she did. That’s who you were when you were taken, and Bucky can’t really merge that person together with the young woman now laying beside him.
He is out on deep water without a life vest, or any kind of boat whatsoever, and he knows that there’s really only one person who can understand. The one person who has always showed up and shared his grief despite all the shit Bucky has put him through.
Bucky stands in the doorway, glancing over at your figure every other second as if you will disappear, while obnoxiously loud signals sound into his ears.
Too much time passes before that familiar crackling sound emits from his phone. Less than fifteen seconds in reality, but an eternity in his mind. His hands are shaking and he knows he should say something when he hears “Hey, Buck,” from the other side of the line, but it feels nearly impossible.
“Hello? Is everything alright?”
Bucky’s breath hitches as he gulps, lips parting to blow out a shaky breath.
“Steve?” he forces out.
“Yeah?”
“I need you,” Bucky says. And that’s all needed to be said, even though Steve has just finished a sixteen-hour shift and walked through a burning house and seen a man die from his burns.
“I’ll be there in twenty.”
•  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •  •
TAG: @kneelforloki
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You Aren’t Somebody? (Bucky x Reader)
Bucky x reader
Word count: 2647
Summary: Bucky knows that the reader has struggled with an eating disorder before, but thought they were doing better. Little does he know, they had just gotten better at hiding it. Until one night, he catches her doing something she had promised she had stopped
Warnings: eating disorder, purging, angst, fluff
Tags @abitgryffindorky @buckys2thicc @thatfangirl42 @buckfics @barnesplums @mardema @stucky-on-spiderman @thundering-barnes
Main Masterlist
A/N: It’s finals week and I am running on energy drinks, reading fanfiction, and longgggg hot showers. But the semester is almost over, and then I have no obligations aside from my hobbies. I see the requests and I’m working on them I promise! I have a list of all the requests that I get, and I am working through them I PROMISE!!! Thank you all for all of your support.
A/N 2: This deals with heavy and dark themes of mental illness. The specific warnings are above. If you feel that in any way reading this will be harmful to your mental health and your journey, PLEASE skip it. I write from my own experience and I know what I would’ve wanted to hear in these situations, and writing/reading fics helps me feel comforted. This fic is based on one experience more specifically than most of my fics, so I apologize if it’s not exactly the same as your experience. This is what I would’ve wanted to hear. If you need or want someone to talk to, vent to, or get advice from, feel free to message me, really. I’m here! <3
------------------------------
Bucky was standing in front of you, blocking the door. His piercing blue eyes were locked on you, your own refusing to meet his. 
He wanted answers that you were not ready to give.
“Y/n, please. I just want to talk about this”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Bucky.”
He looked you up and down. Your hair was in a messy bun, a few loose strands sticking to your tear stained cheeks. Your eyes were puffy, and your face was red, voice raspy. He took a deep breath. “You told me you would tell me if it was getting bad again.”
“You promised.”
You closed your eyes. He wasn’t wrong, you had promised. But that was because you never thought you’d see the day when you were purging again. You thought you had gotten over it. You really thought that this time you wouldn’t slip up.
------------------
You had been struggling with an eating disorder for a while. The cause, you weren’t quite sure. An innocent diet soon turned into a competition for yourself, but the end goal was never there. At first you had thought it was just about the weight and how you looked, but then you found that some of your behavior patterns were tied to your emotional ones. 
Stress was the major trigger, you had come to learn.
Whether it was a mission gone wrong, you getting injured, someone else getting injured, or even just basic social interactions you thought could’ve gone better, you found yourself inclined to comfort yourself with food. 
Until you panicked, which would lead you to the bathroom with music blaring and water running to cover up the noises of your retching. 
You hated it, and every time you told yourself it was the last time. But the more you did it, the more you felt the urge to do it. At first it was triggered by large stressors, but now smaller things could trigger you to want to throw up. You tried to keep it hidden, unaware of the true reasons for why you did it. You were able to help yourself sometimes, it wasn’t worth bringing anyone else into. 
You couldn’t explain it to yourself, so how were you supposed to explain it to anybody?
The best way that you had figured out how to describe it was that whenever you felt a negative emotion, you could soothe it in a physical way with food, especially with all the warm comfort foods that are known. But at the same time, that feeling lasted as long as you could taste, and you would feel guilty as you felt full. When you threw up, it felt like you were also throwing up the negative emotions. 
But when you said it out loud, it didn’t make sense. When people are sick and throwing up it’s one of the most uncomfortable feelings ever. Inducing it hurts sometimes, but it’s almost not as bad. Like you know it’s coming, and you’re in control of what’s happening and you could stop at any point. And there had been times where you could soothe yourself in other ways, and you knew your own physical limits. You knew when you had to stop for your own health.
Until you couldn’t stop.
Which is what led to you fainting on a mission after purging too much. Your electrolytes had bottomed out and you almost had a heart attack at an age no one should. Bucky, your boyfriend who was on the mission with you, had put it together when the first words out of your mouth upon gaining consciousness were “Is this a glucose drip?” while tugging at the IV.
He hadn’t been mad, not exactly. He wasn’t mad at you but he was furious with himself for not noticing, and for making you feel as though you couldn’t tell him. You assured him that you did trust him, but he wished you had come to him before you could’ve gotten yourself, and those on the mission, seriously hurt or killed. 
Nonetheless, you still didn’t know how to talk about it.
“Can you try to tell me about it?” he asked gently, running a hand through your hair. He held you to his chest, you unable to meet his eyes.
“It won’t make any sense,” you had said, tears glazing your eyes.
“I want to understand. Can you help me understand?”
You paused for a moment. “It’s a long story and I don’t know where to start. There’s so much going wrong.” you had said, tears beginning to streak down your face.
“I have all the time for you. And it doesn’t have to make sense, these things rarely do. I’m not here to judge you, I’m here to listen.”
And true to his word, he had. He had listened and held you while you tried to talk about what you could. He didn’t understand everything, he naturally had a ton of questions, but they weren’t for that moment. He had promised to help you the best that he could, and you had promised to try and tell him whenever you felt the urges get too strong. And if you couldn’t, to tell him after.
It was easier to talk to Bucky than anyone else. Not because he was your boyfriend, but because he seemed to understand you more than anyone else could. He had his own share of mental health struggles. Neither of you knew exactly what the other was going through, but you both understood that it was easy to feel alone and guilty even though you couldn’t control it. 
It was rough, but he was never mad. He was sometimes firm, and sometimes you had gotten angry with him. Only to later apologize to him with tears in your eyes. He was never mad with you. He understood that this was something internal. Upon research he had done and conversations he had had with Bruce, he understood that this had nothing to do with him. Some people thought eating disorders were about getting attention when it was one of the furthest things from the truth.
All he could do was love you and be there for you.
And to your surprise, talking about it did help.it took a long time, months, of long and hard conversations, panic attacks, slip ups, and really dark days. But it got to the point where Bucky felt that you were doing better, making an effort to tell you how proud he was and how much he loved you. 
And you were doing better, in a way. But you had been slipping up more recently, and you hadn’t told Bucky. You didn’t know how. After going the longest you’d ever had between slip ups, you found yourself retching over the toilet. You would have gone to Bucky but he had been away on a mission that was extended a few days. You couldn’t interrupt him because your feelings were too much to handle. People needed his help more than you did.
You were going to tell him, but he had been so tired when he had come back. He needed his time to relax, and it wasn’t the right time to tell him. And the next day when he was rested, you felt that it was irrelevant. Any negative feeling you had felt the day before had since past, and you didn’t see the point in bringing it up today. It would worry Bucky, he wouldn’t want to go on missions, and you weren’t going to do that to him. Besides, it was just one time.
Right?
You soon found yourself purging when Bucky wasn’t around. If he had gone out with Steve, if he was on a mission, or if he was down in the gym you found yourself taking more opportunities to give into your urges. It wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been, but you were spiraling. But at this point you had been slipping up so many times, you had been so secretive about it. 
It would kill Bucky inside to know that you were hiding this from him again. He would feel like you didn’t trust him. You trusted him with your life.
You just didn’t want to let him down. Not again, not when he had explicitly told you to come to him and you had been blatantly ignoring that.
You wanted to tell him, you did. But you couldn’t let him being so proud of you be based on a lie.
One day you were hunched over the toilet, legs sahking and tears streaming down your face from exertion. Bucky was away on a mission, so you didn’t even bother with the music or the water. What you hadn’t anticipated was him coming back hours earlier than he should’ve
The mission had gone much more smoothly than anticipated, which everyone was happy about. Bucky was glad he would get a few more hours with you. He had gone up to your shared room and let himself in, surprised to see you weren’t there. But then he heard you coughing from behind a closed bathroom door.
He felt like someone had punched him in the gut. You had been doing so well, what had happened?
He walked over to the door, knocking on it and calling out your name. He heard you muffle a small fuck before he knocked again.
“Y/n please, let me in.”
He heard the toilet flush and the sink turn on, you on the other side washing your face. You could feel the tears from exertion be replaced by ones of shame and embarrassment, biting your lip slightly. What the fuck were you going to tell him? 
When you finally turned off the water, you rubbed your face with a towel, sighing heavily into it. When you took it away, you looked long and hard at the doorknob. 
Bucky sighed on the other side of the door. “Y/n please. I’m not mad. We’ve been here before, I just wanna talk to you.”
You closed your eyes for a moment, taking a breath before you made your expression nuetral and opened the door. 
Bucky’s eyes immediately saddened when he took you in. your face was still red and there were tears in your eyes. You had tried to put up a front, he could tell that too. Sometimes you got angry with him because you didn’t want to be vulnerable. He was prepared because like he said - he’d helped you before.
Before he could say anything you crossed your arms. “You’re home early,” you said coldly.
“Y/n.” 
“How’d the mission go? Well, I assume.” you tried to slip past Bucky but he was blocking the door. 
Bucky took a deep breath. “Yeah, yeah, the mission went well.” He wanted to be gentle with you. “But how are you?”
You shrugged, trying to appear oblivious. “I’m fine,” voice wavering slightly as you looked away.
“Y/n please. You’re not fine. Can you tell me what happened?”
“The same thing that always happens” you said bitterly. “Something stupid comes up, I start feeling like shit about myself and I ignore it until I’m puking it up with everything else, alright? It’s the same story, different time, and now I have you looking at me all hurt just like I was worried about which is why I couldn’t tell you!” you exclaimed, eyes filled with anger and tears. Bucky looked at you as if you had just punched him in the face. He would’ve much preferred that you had.
“Y/n.”
You shook your head, trying to get through the door that he was blocking. “Bucky, just let me through the door, forget it.”
“Y/n just talk to me please, I -”
“JUST LET ME THROUGH THE GODDAMN DOOR.” You yelled, surprising Bucky. It had been a while since you had gotten this angry or defensive. But he stood his ground. Bucky was standing in front of you, blocking the door. His piercing blue eyes were locked on you, your own refusing to meet his. 
He wanted answers that you were not ready to give.
“Y/n, please. I just want to talk about this”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Bucky,” you said, feeling tears threatening to spill over. 
He took a deep breath. “You told me you would tell me if it was getting bad again.”
You closed your eyes and felt a pang in your stomach. “Bucky, I - “
“You promised,” he said, voice cracking.
You shook your head. “Why do I have to talk about this. It’s not like I’m hurting anybody” 
“You’re hurting yourself, y/n.” he said calmly.
You shook your head and narrowed your eyes slightly, tears falling. “That’s different Bucky, you know it is.”
“You aren’t somebody?”
You looked at him for a moment before a sob escaped your body, leaning on the counter for support as you brought a hand to your mouth. Bucky quickly came up behind you and pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you. You started crying harder, embarrassed and ashamed. 
“I’m sorry Bucky, I didn’t know what else to do, I didn’t know how to tell you, I -”
“Hey it’s okay, it’s alright y/n, I’m here.” Bucky kept whispering reassurances in your ears, rubbing a hand up and down your back. 
After some time passed, you didn’t know how long, you were able to calm down enough to take some shaky breaths, hiding your red face in Bucky’s chest.
“When did this start happening again?” he asked softly
“I don’t know… few weeks at least, not really sure.”
He took a breath, trying to stay calm. A few weeks and he hadn’t suspected anything, and you were alone. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were on a mission, I couldn’t interrupt that.”
“Why didn’t you tell me when I got back?” he pressed gently.
“You were so tired Bucky - ”
“Y/n.” he said more firmly.
You paused for a moment, knowing he wouldn’t take those answers. If they were truly the reason then you would’ve told him the next day or the day after, as soon as the opportunity came. There was more to why you waited, and Bucky knew that. 
“I didn’t want to disappoint you,” you whispered. 
You heard Bucky sigh. He was angry with himself, for not being approachable to you. All he wanted was to make you feel safe enough to come to him, and to hear that you hadn’t because you thought he had expectations for you crushed him. “Y/n, I told you you could tell me about this. When have I ever been disappointed or angry with you?”
“You haven’t. You were just so proud and I - I didn’t want to ruin that for you. I didn’t want to tell you that you were proud of a lie.”
“Hey, hey look at me.” Hesitantly you looked up to meet his eyes. “None of this was you lying. You put in the hard work day after day, and I told you I was here to support you. But I never did the work for you. You did that. I’m proud of you and I always will be because you’re a fighter. It’s okay to have bad days, it’s okay to slip up. It’s okay to need a little help too, and that’s what I’m here for. A slip up doesn’t erase all the hard work you’ve put in before. I’m proud of you for the progress you’ve made, and of the work you put in. This doesn’t change anything sweetheart.”
He pulled you back into his chest.
“I’ll always be proud of you.”
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