#brown girl problems

[luvparidhi]

generational daulat ka toh pata nahi par generational trust issues aur anger issues zaroor hai mere paas

#desi #desi tumblr #desiblr #brown girls #desi aesthetic #hindi #trust issues #anger issues #brown girl problems

[hoodie-cinnamon-girl]

You have no idea how hard it is to be a daughter in a brown family. You'll often find yourself asking questions like "why am I born?" "how do I run away" "when will all this end?"

#brown girl problems #desi girl #desi girl problems #elder daughter #toxic parents #toxic culture #trauma #actually mentally ill #let women live #let us live

[whatshadeisthat]

i hate you (i want you bad)

#brown girl problems #mine

[hoe-for-oreo]

will never understand kids who yell at their parents because they bought them iphone 11 and not iphone 14.

because mai nokia ka keypad chala rahi hu.

like some of yall had unconditional love and support from your parents who never made you feel as if you didnt deserve anything and it shows.

kyuki mere ghar pe toh har ek cheez conditional h. marks acche nahi aaye toh bahar se accha khana deserve ni karte, naye kapde deserve ni karte, doston se baat karna deserve ni karte, abey aur toh aur "tution nahi bhejenge kyuki tum education ke layak hii nahi ho" (which is what i get to hear after asking to join a tution for the first time in my life in 11th grade).

like kabhi kabar lagta h ki aisi hii zindagi honi thi toh kyu 1st se 8th tak jee jaan lagake mehnat karke hamesha full marks laayi mai? uski appreciation kabhi di nahi, vo ab ho nahi raha toh sunne ko bhot milta h. saala uss time ye sab chodhke thoda jee hii liya hota, atleast life ka ek part toh khushi se nikalta. ab lag raha h 16 saal ki zindagi toh barbad hii kardi maine. uss time ki mehnat ab matter ni karti, par ab mehnat ho nahi rahi h.

it just...gets unbearable to watch other people living their life after a while ya know? like you look at people who are going out, having fun with their friends, doing what they love, having good relationships with their family, and just, like their problems are so much different? they may not have their life together either, but you envy them because you don't have the privilege to do the same as them, because you know you're the one to blame for the subjects you chose, the life you chose. you see them actually living, and realise that youre still stuck in a loop, waiting for your life to begin, as you have for as long as you have been alive.

a couple days back one of my friends adopted a dog and i had a breakdown over it because....ye toh mai bhi deserve karti hu na yaar. mujhe kab milega ye? kabhi milega bhi? abhi tak toh nahi mila. aur ab toh milne ke chances bhi itne kam hain kyuki dena mujhe JEE h.

you can't help but feel hopeless.

pehle lagta tha jab kuch bhi sahi nahi tha ki....koi nahi, atleast academics ho raha h. atleast acche dost hain ab bhi. atleast ek acche future ka prospect h.

and then you lose it all. nothing to comfort you. nothing to make you feel as if atleast one thing in your life is going right, because it isn't. because your life is just one huge black hole now sucking away your happiness, your sense of identity. mujhe khud nahi pata mai kon hu. ab toh dost bhi chutne lage hain.

like, outwardly yes ill work hard and get out of this, but what then? people say "it's just 2 years uske baad sab bhot easy hoga" but what they don't understand is that it's not just 2 years. ive worked hard my entire life, and im sick of the constant guilt, constant expectations, constant pressure. i dont know if i have it in myself to hold on for 2 years more.

fir agar tumhare coping mechanisms maladaptive daydreaming and internet addiction h then toh hogya bas tumhara.

i could go on for a millennia with this rant. abhi toh family trauma bhi touch nahi kiya h. but then that will just be another proof of "yes, here's another thing going wrong in your life"

like, i have to remind myself each day that i dont have anything to be shameful about, i dont have anything that i dont deserve. love shouldnt be conditional. support shouldnt be conditional. especially if love and support are from your family and if they are based on a handful of figures.

like if at this point if i go and start doing drugs and alcohol to get some relief then can my parents blame me? but i cant do that, because guilt!

when will this end? i just wanna sleep.

par sone ke liye 5 min shanti se letna padta h and mai apne khudke thoughts tolerate kar paane ki ability kho chuki hu.

#desi girl #desiblr #desi #desi problems #brown girl problems #desi academia #desi girl problems #desi rant #indian parents #iit jee

[protectbrowngirls]

Protect brown girls from unhappy marriages.

Protect brown girls from our elders’ narrative that all marriages are necessarily unhappy.

Protect brown girls from portrayals of divorce as “the easy way out” or “a choice only weak women make.”

Protect brown girls from the idea that they must put up with verbal and emotional abuse, lack of support, lack of intimacy and companionship, financial control, or more as necessary components of a successful marriage.

Protect brown girls from elders who are so unhappy with their own marriages that they cannot fathom any other kind of relationship.

Protect brown girls from the scare tactics and guilt trips they face any time they indicate the desire and intent to stick to their boundaries where relationships are concerned.

It is possible to find happiness and respect within relationships and marriage. There are people out there who will respect your boundaries, treat you with kindness and understanding, and work to ensure your relationship is a net positive for both of your lives. And if a relationship stops being a positive addition to your life, there is absolutely no shame in ending the relationship and seeking happiness on your own. Relationships are not the be-all end-all of joy, much less relationships that grate on you or take advantage of you or wear you down. You are worthy of a partner who meets your standards and makes you happy. You have no obligation to settle for less just because your parents or uncles and aunties did.

#brown girl problems #brown girl pride #desi #relationships #desi problems #protect brown girls #relationship advice #love

[belle-keys]

To summarize this awesome post by @papenathys as a fellow South Asian girl: "I do not dream of labour" is not for us, was not designed with us in mind, and it will never be for the majority of us. We will literally be left to starve and die if do not labour or fend for ourselves. We have no alternative to labour.

The typical romanticization of the world and life, the way Tumblr and Pinterest and Instagram portrays it to us, is inherently Eurocentric. It is not available to us, and we need to all stop expecting a harsh, colonialist world to eventually accommodate us. It won't.

#desi #desi girl #desiblr #brown girl #brown girl problems #consumerism #capitalism #i do not dream of labor #anti work #marxism #eurocentricism #eurocentrism #eurocentric #romanticizing life #romanticization #colonialism #colonization #gender rights #south asian #south asia #india

[desirousmuse]

A lot of my posts from when I was younger and in my teenage angst years still get reblogged. Posts from when I was 18-24 and struggling with being a brown girl who just wanted to live her life without the pressure that comes from being the eldest in an immigrant family.

I am 29 now.

So much has changed and the things that I suffered through… my younger siblings no longer have to. The way I was never allowed to express myself through clothes or fashion, my sister does so without reservation. The way I was never allowed to have a social life and it severed many friendships (and brought forth a lot of anxiety and trauma that stems into my adult life), and now my sister is out everyday (whereas I still have PTSD and start having a panic attack if I am out too late and she waltzes in after 2/3 a.m all laadeedaa) The way my parents never supported me and showed up in the way I needed, my sister gets that. The way they used to tell me I would be married off by 23 or that I was expected to do all the housework and now my sister does shit all.

I suffered so she did not. Because my parents saw how badly it messed me up.

Of course, now I am the one in therapy and that is a surplus amount of issues in their own right but I am so glad that she does not have to jump the hoops that I had to. I now set boundaries with my family, advocate for myself and tell my family to get their shit together because I refuse to let them take my adulthood when my teenage and young adult years were snatched from me. And now? They listen. Because they KNOW. They realize. They UNDERSTAND.

So there is hope for all of you that still comment/reblog on all my posts because you relate to my brown girl woes. The woes have been woed. I believe you all. You got this. 🖤

#brown girl problems #desi girl problems

[coming-of-age-witch]

time for a brown girl glow up it is

#the idea of a glow up sounds so fun #hehehehe #honestly after covid all my classmates have matured so much #idk i'm just interested in an idea of transformation #it sounds cool #comparing myself with my class girlies makes me think everything other than studies is breakdancing down #desi things #tumblr made me go big desi mode #ayeee #desi shitposting #desi stuff #desiblr #desi academia #desi dark academia #brown girl problems #bol bhi do hehe

[insipid-life-living]

Who’s faking going to their job a week early just to have an excuse to leave the house?

#brown girl problems

[your-average-browngirl]

okay ! so , i dont know if its just me or all of us desi girls are brought up in a way that no matter how modern we think we are , our traditional upbringing sometimes makes us react unconsciously in a way that is very misoginistic , sexist and patriarchal. i tend to undermine myself and realize later on how badly i was treated and how come i let that happen. and lets keep in mind that i am a very educated person with 2 bachelor degrees and another masters on the way and i was born and brought up in one of the major cities of india.

for example, since i am in my mid twenties my parents want me to get married asap, they have me registered on various portals and services for the same. and then a few months ago , my parents set up a meeting with this guy and his family and you know what was going on in my mind the whole time? i hope they like me , i hope i am presentable, i hope i dont bring shame to my family, i hope they dont say anything bad to my parents because of me ? like , HELLO? WHAT THE HELL! shouldn't i be hoping that the person is upto my standards? shouldnt i be judging him and his family? instead of acting like this very good mannered girl! I WAS SO STUPID. and the AUDACITY OF THESE PPL ! after talking for a bit the person who knew both our families and had set the meeting asked HIM AND HIS FAMILY if they wanna move foward ? FUCK ! and i am sitting there like ... HELLO ? IS ANYONE GONNA ASK ME FOR MY OPINION? .... after discussing for like 15 min they say that they would like for him and me to meet once and go on a date to see if we are compatible , and my parents immediately say yes , WITHOUT ASKING ME ! FUCK! I asked them on our way back home why they didnt ask me when he was being asked for his opinion , and you know what they said? they said that they would ask me but after getting home , not there .. LIKE FUCK! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN ? WHY SHOULD I BE ASKED LATER ON? WHY NOT THEN AND THERE? okay so now the day of the DATE.. everything is going on fine ... and in the end he has the audacity to say that " can you please try to lose some weight for me?" like hello? who the fuck are you? i just had to smile and say that yes i am trying to loose weight but like it should not be his place to comment , we are practically on a first date ... if he doesnt like that i am a big girl then he should just call it off... and yes i am a big girl and i am on a diet and exercise regimen to manage my weight but he has no right to say anything seeing he is also a big guy and i didnt comment on that ... AND according to my family i should be grateful that he is willing to marry me despite my weight... and me being the fool i am with my inferiority issues due to my weight think that he is good for me .... OMG! now that i think about it i cringe so hard and i am so thankful things didnt work out else i would have to marry him and he would comment on my weight for my whole life... i am just like HOW DID I LET HIM DISRESPECT ME?

#DESI #DESIBLR #desi tag #DESI GIRL #brown girls #browngirl #brown girl #brown household #brown girl problems

[katayanivats]

Why is it always “ I miss you “ and not “ tujhko bhulake ab jau mai kaha”

#weeping

#desiblr #desi academia #brown women #brown girl problems #just desi things #dark academia quotes #desi dark academia #desi tag #desi Tumblr

[averyconfusedbrowngirl]

I guess this is my very first ever post...

Sooo I'm definitely using this as my personal diary where ya'll can read about my boring life with very self-obessed problems.

It is currently Valentine's Day and I am feeling extremelyyyy lonely. My life is pretty dead where all I do is go to work, go back home, and sleep. And sometimes I go out with friends to get drunk and personally try to forget about my struggles. Oh did I mention that these are all basically surface-level friends. I only have one true friend who lives back in my hometown, which is 3 hours away.

Now not to get off topic - this Valentine is especially hard for me due to many reasons. Last V-day I was with my (first ever) boyfriend, and the first year I had a Valentine. Whereas in comparison, I had dead lonely on this one. Do you see a theme here - I say lonely alot.

I currently have 2 guys on my mind - by guys I mean headaches... First guy is A, and then Q.

A is someone who I used to text in 2020, who then ghosted me but we stayed friends. As a brown girl, my mom is very much into try getting me arranged married and constantly brings guys to me. She one day showed me a picture of A. I laughed out loud when I saw his picture. This is as I realised over time that this guy is definitely not my type and the situation was hilarious. I texted him telling him the situation where he also laughed at it. We got to talking and he explained how he actually moved to the city I am living in for work and we should catchup for lunch one day. We did just that - had lunch, then coffee and then finally a loooong walk. We started at 2pm and ended at 10pm. This is as he came over to mine and we chatted over tea. I realised that I actually do like him and he definitely is my type. However, for some reason he HAD TO make it clear to me that he isn't looking for everything and he is just focusing on himself. We laughed about it and left it at that. We did continue to be friends and check in on one another. One day I had to pick up a package from the post office and I reached out to him for help as the post office is very far away and he has a car. He helped me out and brought me back home and helped me carry the box up my 3 flights of stairs. Long story short, we decided to go out to drink but he has to leave his car back home so I went with him, we picked up dinner on the way, had drinks at his and the plan was to go out around 11pm. However, we continued to drink at his and ditch going out. We somehow talked all the waaaay to 4am. As it was so late, he asked me to stay over and we would put a pillow between us. However one thing led to another and we slept together. One thing to note is that when we did sleep together I was under the impression that we were going to try pursue something out of it and forget about the staying "friends". He was the best I've ever had, and I felt an inexplicable connection. I was genuinely so happy. But my heart was basically shattered when the next morning we had "the talk" and he explained that he still stands on the friends decision. This is definitely different from what he said the night before but I sucked it up because I didn't wanna seem like I was desperate for him and make a fool of myself. I left his place on a good enough note, with pain in my heart, and went home. H texted me if I got home safe and how I was doing and then thats it. No communication from him for a week. I have to say that it was the longest week of my life. I genuinely felt like my heart was cracking every single passing day. There was one night where I felt like I couldn't breathe. He then reached out on the 8th day. His text was so casual just how i was going and just casual conversation. This broke my heart more but I just processed that I have to get over him.

Then comes in Q. Q is someone that I am so so confused about. He is someone I work with. I met him at a work gathering and we just got to talking. We basically kept talking the whole time we were there - about 3 hours of conversation. We basically told each other about our life and just got to know eachother. When it was finally time to leave, he said that we need to meet up for drinks or something and talk more. I genuinely thought we had a vibe going. The next day I went out for a girls night out. Q knew I was going out and asked that I go to the club he was going to with his friends. I hate that club so I told him I definitely was not going to that club. However, my friends and I did end up going to that club. I was low-key very excited to see him because, again, I thought there was a vibe. Buuuut guess what? the boy just ignored me. I was very very confused, like wtf! He didn't say one word to me. Then comes Monday and at work, he still proceeded to not speak to me. Again I am verrrrryyyy confused. And now Tuesday, and I had to sit on the same table as him for lunch because all my other friends were there. This BOY, not man, STILL DID NOT SAY A SINGLE WORD TO ME. I said hey and that's about it.

So to conclude, my fucking love life is in shambles. Because apparently I'm the type of girl that guys like when they are drunk but when sober I'm nothing.

If you have reached this far, welcome to my blogs about my stupid stupid problems.

#personal blog #day in my life #brown girl problems #brown girls

[egyptian-sun-god]

Desi Girls and Generational Gifts

Yo, my brown girls in the mutuals reply if you feel me on this.

There's so many things that are gender segregated where these are boys things and these are girls things. I mean reply if you guys have also seen in like family functions when there's a bunch of relatives/ family friends there'll be like one corner for the men, once corner (usually in the kitchen/near the dining area) for the women and the children will be in their own corner. I don't know how often that is but it's what I've observed. Rb if you see the same.

Its a bit fucked up how like the women are always expected to serve and like prepare like snacks. Coffee illati tea eduthukunu vaa nu solluvaanga (bring coffee or tea they'd say) in my family to the women. Now this isn't just the hosts, but the guests invited would also step in and go into the kitchen to prepare.

Now I've always felt like nah it's not that bad I mean my parents let me, a girl not do any of those things and continue talking in like the "men's corner" with my brother and the uncles. And then when I went back recently, I realized I only had that experience because I wasn't a "woman" yet. This last month was the first time I'd went back home since Covid so I'm now an adult. And it was completely different.

Being a girl vs a woman in tamil/indian society is nuts. The expectations flip so hard. Stuff I got away with a few years before got me yelled at now. Talk softer, Don't be so rough when you walk, Come and help with the serving etc etc. And it annoyed me so much having to perform traditional indian femininity in front of the men and I was resentful of how my grandmother and aunts and mum would do it without even realizing how fake it felt. It distanced me from them.

I don't know but at a point, I got tired of arguing. I went with it and started acting "traditionally." Fucked up, but I discovered something i actually liked.

After the men would all leave and it was just the women in the house. The conversation changed. It felt freer. The aunties and grandmothers started gossiping and advising the younger women. It felt like I'd stepped through a secret garden with knowledge being instilled in the middle of pressure cooker whistles. The topics ranged from maintaining a household, to marriage in the modern day all the way to grief and loss. I heard nuanced takes of division of labour in marriages, even though some of my aunties had more "archaical" ideas it made sense. It was love in the way they were taught to express it.

An example was when my grandmother and another aunty talked about the grief of losing a husband and how detrimental it was after you ended up having built an identity and been their caretaker for so long. They then compared it to having a husband lose a wife and not able to remarry, which they said was worse. At first I was close to dismissing them becuase I thought this was another one of "oh no , men need women. We have to care for them and be their moms etc." It wasn't though. I mean yeah parts of it were oh look they can't cook they need us. But it mainly circled around the fact that women have social circles where talking about these things are normal. Men don't because of traditional aspects of "masculinity" or in their words, "because he is a man", they can't express these things with their friends. I'll be real, I didn't think they'd pinpoint the issue of setting up men to be emotionally closed off as a justfication. It made me rethink marriage though, and the reason why women are seen as like pillars in marriages.

There was something special in those hours. Something more raw, real. I don't know. Being a brown girl has so many issues with our community and traditions, but sometimes. If I look hard enough, it feels like I'm part of the women that made me. Their struggles generationally passed down to me. But not just the struggles, their gifts of traditional feminity like being emotional. There is logic in the most illogical of their issues.

#2am ramblings #femininity #desi girl #tamil #brown girl problems #indian

[hoe-for-oreo]

self esteem so low i get guilt by asking my parents to pay ONLY my chem tution fee lmao.

#desi girl #desiblr #desi #desi academia #indian parents #brown parents #desi memes #desi problems #desi girl problems #brown girl problems

[protectbrowngirls]

Protect brown girls who don’t speak their parents’ language(s)

Protect brown girls who can understand their parents’ language but not reply, and protect brown girls who can’t understand their parents’ language at all.

Protect brown girls who have tried to learn their parents’ language as an adult; protect brown girls who have chosen not to, for any reason.

Protect brown girls who have been made fun of, or harassed, or interrogated for not knowing their parents’ language.

Protect brown girls who feel disconnected from their ethnicity, heritage, ancestors, culture because of the language barrier. And protect brown girls who have found it easier to navigate the world without knowing their parents’ language.

It doesn’t make you any less brown if you don’t speak your parents’ language(s). It doesn’t make your identity any less valid, or your claim to your heritage and ethnicity any weaker.

#protect brown girls #protect desi girls #desi problems #desi #brown girl problems #language #diaspora #long time no post huh #sorry friends #I’m still alive! just torn in a thousand directions #this would be a great time for y’all to submit suggestions or encouragement posts yourself tbh #maybe I oughta make a call for submissions soon

[pxgeturner]

guys it really is winter: my melanin has left the building

#wildflowers #brown girl problems