#breasts or the male figures are androgynous

[rednotebooksworld]

A Fae MonsterFucker Mini-Fic, as a little treat~

Androgynous “pretty Boi” Fae Monster looking for a suitable Mate.. and one Human girl looking to snag herself a Fae husband because she grew up with the old tales of women being whisked away by the terrifying but gorgeous “neighbors” of the old wood~ who were supposedly never seen again, unless someone caught a glimpse of her fully pregnant when walking with her Fae lover..

She’s not to fond of the nosy towns people that live down the hill, her Aunt’s a known Fae fucker too, so can you really blame her for not seeing a down side to this?

The Human girl who lives with her kind but sassy “mouth of a sailor” Auntie, spending most her days in the garden (in perfect view of the forest) while singing songs of Fae Lovers and twirling in her short dresses as she waters her favorite flowers.. knowing the Fae love to dance and spin in circles~

Her aunt smirking at her niece playing up the innocent role, knowing her little plot is working as she notices the circle of mushrooms growing under her niece’s bedroom window.. a Fae Lover has chosen her already.

The brooding Fae who watches the human girl with longing possessive eyes, waiting for the chance to show himself, to trick her into being his and his only.. All he needs is her to willingly give her Name to him, and make a deal~

The Fae seizing his opportunity when he sees her in the woods alone for the first time, a sad look on her pretty face..

He relishes the look of awe in her eyes at his appearance.. a long slender framed body with pale green skin, sharp black nails on his fingers, sharp teeth in his charming smile, long ears, large glowing golden eyes and dark green hair flowing around him in waves as leafs and flowers adorned his locks like gems, dear-like antlers glittering like opal moonstones resting above his brow like a crown, and flowing robes of thin green silk that fell off one shoulder and left little to the imagination.. a splendid sight to be see for sure~

“Sweet, lovely thing~ why the tears? Tell me what ails you.. and I shall make all pleasant as warm honey with your heart~ for a price~”

gently he held her chin up with a single finger, grin turning wide as a Cheshire as she grasped his larger hand softly in her own with pleading doe eyes and rosy cheeks~

“M-My aunt.. she’s sick.. she’s all the family I have.. I.. I don’t know what to do.”

He knelt down as his figure cast a tall shadow over her, as he realized she wore only her lace nightgown, My how perfect she looks gazing up at him so intently like that..

“Give me your Name, my dearest, and swear to me and me alone your first night.. and your first born~ I shall see to it your Aunt recovers and lives all her days healthy and strong… perhaps a long life as well~”

He could feel how she trembled at his words.. but he had yet to see any fear in her as her gaze turned heavy, giving up Her Name to him without hesitation..

“I swear it~ you may take my heart if it pleases you, my lord~”

He growled as she spoke those delicious words to him.. how sweet.. how delicious…. How curious was she~ a fine Mate for him indeed~

He slowly laid her down on her back as he hovered over her, his long luscious hair falling around them as he kissed her tenderly with honeyed passion, her precious moans tingling his ears as he raised a slender hand up her legs, lifting her dress skirt, only to rip her underwear clean off!

He could smell her arousal burning his nose, how sweet and inviting a scent as he bit her lips and grasped her breast as he shoved two fingers in her wet pussy and started stretching her wide with his fingers.. using his fingers to fuck her with skilled precision, only pulling his lips away from their kiss as she cummed on his hand.. her red lips gasping for breath~

“Tell me, my delicious little human~ what sickness has wrought your dear Aunt, that you would have me RAVAGE you~ make you MINE and Ruin you to any other pathetic male that would dare look at you~”

He quickly shoved his thick cock into her tight and dripping pussy right as she opened her mouth.. a guttural shriek the only thing she could muster as he slammed into her three times, filling her till they were hip to hip.. though he refused to move again till she gave him an answer~

She hastily wrapped her arms around his neck, roughly kissing him with pure hunger as she then gripped his horns and intwined her legs with his.. he froze at the look of predatory lust in her eyes.. My what a new and interesting development this turned out to be~

She weekly fained an innocent look, though she no longer bothered to make it convincing..

“Oh~ terrible allergies I’m afraid~ I feared she might never breathe properly again..”

His Golden eyes turned black as his Cheshire grin returned with glee at hearing this.. she..

SHE.. TRICKED.. HIM??

Ooooh ho ho ho ho~ A Mate this clever and patient was truly worth the wait~ he’ll be sure to reward her for that one~

He began pounding her at full force, her head rolling from side to side against the grass below as her grip tightened on his horns~ shoving his face into her neck he started to fill her with his seed~ Breeding her for as long as he desired.. after all.. thay made a deal. He will have her first Born~ and every single child he fucks into her pretty womb after that~

“Clever little Mate~ you wanted to be Bred like this? Didn’t you.. to be made a Fae’s Bride? Answer me! MY MATE! Or else I won’t fuck my brood in you~”

“Y-YES!! YES!!! Oh Yes!! I-I want this!! Please~ Breed me! MY LOVE!! P-PLEASE!!!!”

He purred at her, declaring her Love to him, to a Fae~ before he even finished Mating her~

He decides to do what not many of his kind do anymore.. Truly claims a Human as his one and only Mate~ instead of just Fucking her once.. he’s Fully going to be Breeding her to completion~

His Mate.. His Bride.. His Breeding Mother.. HIS… she’s HIS!!!

By the time she walks out that forest~ her legs tremble with every step, her dress dirty, stained with grass and the smell of sex, though it takes some time to realize she DID NOT in fact spend just a single night with her Fae Lover.. in fact he was Breeding her for a full week straight, and not long after till she starts to notice a new point at the tips of her ears..

She turns around, Smiling lovingly out at the edge of the forest as she rubs her barely round belly.. the Golden eyes of her Love grinning back at her~

Her Aunt soon emerging from their home to congratulate her, as she herself just returned from spending a few nights with her own husband…. The very kelpie that lives in the lake just behind their little cottage…

“… So.. your uncle wants to know if you invited your new Husband over for dinner? Or is he just going to keep fucking you in the woods??”

The girl turned to smile mischievously at her Aunt, unfazed by her later question..

“Yes! I did, He’s coming by a little later, he wanted to grab a few flowers for the baby first.. and also yes he will~ he’s a truly remarkably skilled Lover~ among other things~”

Her Aunt started cackling as she lead her niece inside for a nice warm bath, and then some tea and fruits for the growing babe.

“Oooh~ got a feisty one did you? Good girl! Perhaps that taste runs in the family after all!”

Sheeeesh! This is so good 😭

Hot too 😏

Claps for you 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

#monster x reader #monster x human #monster fucker #monster smut #monster fucking #fae #fae husband #fae x human #fae x reader #monster lover

[female-malice]

The breast binding trend that young women are doing now has already been done by young women 100 years ago.

Read this excerpt from this paper about qipao fashion by Adrienne Cox:

The changes in qipao fashion began with the trend of breast binding in the early 1910s. Breast binding became more popular toward the end of the Qing dynasty, especially among young female students, who sought to hide their feminine figures by binding their breasts and wearing the early qipao that was stylistically similar to their male counterpart’s changpao style.

Breast binding provided young women with a slim boyish figure and allowed them to show off a more androgynous body as they began to move into the public sphere, which allowed them to preserve a sense of modesty. By hiding their feminine figures, they were able to enter the public sphere without drawing the attention of the male gaze as sexually promiscuous women. In the late 1910s, the trend of breast binding for political reasons quickly spread around urban China, and by the 1920s women of each province sported their own versions of breast binding devices. In the north near Beijing, the laoshi moxiong or old-style breast cover was popular and bound the breasts tight to the chest. In the south the xinshi moxiong or new-style breast cover was more popular and provided a slightly looser fit. From this trend of breast binding, we can also understand how women’s outer clothing changed to fit the new style of feminine form, as qipao styles became tighter to conform to the boyish figures.

The general practice of breast binding also points toward women’s desire to take control of their bodies as they are increasingly visible in the public eye. Women chose to bind their breasts as a way to make their body more suitable to the public eye, which then allowed them to take advantage of education and job opportunities that would bring them directly within the gaze of a society that had functioned by hiding female bodies for centuries. During this time period, who was in control of women’s bodies was the serious question. The changes in both breast binding and qipao styles provided women the opportunity to enter the public sphere without drawing the criticism of conservatives who felt women should stay within their traditional gender roles at home.

By the early to mid-1920s, another movement was beginning to gain traction that completely changed the way that women would display their bodies in public, as well as how the Nationalist government would respond to women’s political needs and demands. This movement began as some urban women sought to free their bodies from the constrains of their clothing as well as the constrains of traditional gender norms. These women sought to literally free their bodies from the historical bindings that had deformed women’s bodies. In this movement, breast binding became closely linked with rhetoric surrounding foot binding, which linked it to the feudal and restrictive past. Feminists across China called this the ‘natural curves’ movement, and it sought to completely eradicate breast binding and focused on women’s physical health. The movement was later supported by the Nationalist government after 1927, and women’s health was encouraged for the benefit of the state—healthy women could produce healthy children—but the way women dressed and presented their healthy bodies came under attack from the Nationalist government for being too provocative.

When the ‘natural curves’ movement began, the women involved focused primarily on celebrating women’s ‘natural’ curves and bringing the ‘natural’ female form more fully into the public eye. This would both literally free women from hiding their figures using harmful tactics such as breast binding, as well as figuratively freeing women from the traditional expectations that drove women to hide themselves from men. In the past, women had either been in the home or so overburdened by loose layered clothing that the physical form was ultimately hidden away from sight. The focus of the natural curves movement quickly became the breasts, hips, and legs of women, and women’s magazines such as Linglong devoted centerspreads and articles to showing off and celebrating the physical health of athletic women. In 1933, the editors of Linglong even published an entire issue dedicated to showing healthy and athletic women. Linglong was largely influenced by the readers, and it wasn’t uncommon for a reader’s letter or personal article to be published in the magazine. This is important to note, because the 1933 sports issue that showed women engaged in sports also included images of healthy young children and mothers holding their babies, which shows that women around China supported the movement for a variety of reasons.

The emphasis on healthy and robust bodies became the forefront of the natural curves movement, and this focus was embodied in the two keywords of the movement, ziran mei and jian mei which mean ‘natural beauty’ and ‘healthy beauty.’ Under the principles of ziran mei and jian mei, Chinese women began to abandon their xiongyi entirely to show off the full shape of their breasts. Others began to adopt the western style brassieres, which would cover the breasts without pushing them into the chest. Politically active women throughout urban China could decide how they wanted to express their liberation simply by how they chose to present their bodies, and qipao styles were changed once again, this time to show off women’s full figures. Once again, the qipao was used as a way to show the political stance of the women wearing them.

In the late 1920s the Nationalist government, as well as some conservative civilians supported ‘natural breasts’ and fashion that followed not out of a desire to liberate women, but out of concern for their reproductive health and creating a clear divide between genders. A popular magazine called The Women’s Monthly published an article that openly admonished young women who still bound their breasts, and other women’s magazines published articles encouraging women to abandon their old binders in favor of the western bra, that would support the breasts without constraining them. Breast binding was said to be a major detriment to a woman’s ability to raise her child, as it was widely accepted that breast binding caused women to be unable to produce milk. These groups linked what was supposed to be a form of female liberation back to the traditional gender roles that many women were trying to escape.

–

First there's a breast binding trend among young women who want to avoid being sexualized by male peers.

Then there's a feminist rejection of this trend as feminists promote the importance of women's health and fitness.

And finally, conservatives co-opt the feminist rejection and twist it into a promotion of traditional reproductive duties.

All of this happened 100 years ago.

And all of it is happening again today.

[intersexbookclub]

Discussion summary: Left Hand of Darkness

Published in 1969, The Left Hand of Darkness is a classic in science fiction that explores issues of sex/gender in an alien-yet-human society where the aliens are just like us except in how they reproduce. These aliens, the Gethenians, can reproduce as either male or female. They spend most of their lives sexually undifferentiated. Once a month, they go into heat (“kemmer”) and their sexual organs activate as either male or female (it’s essentially random).

Here's a summary of the discussions we had on 2023-08-25 and 2023-09-01 about the book:

HIGH LEVEL REACTONS

Michelle (@scifimagpie): even though it was written by a cis straight perisex woman there is a queerness to the writing that feels true and that she nailed. There is a queerness to the soul of this book that still holds up, that's true and good, and I cannot but love and respect that.

Elizabeth (@ipso-faculty): this book is such a commentary on 1960s misogyny. Genly is a raging misogynist. It takes a whole prison break and crossing the arctic for Genly to realize a woman or androgyne can be competent 👀

Dimitri: [Having read just the first half of the book] I wonder if it keeps happening, if Genly keeps going "woaaaah" [to the Gethenians’ androgyny] or if he ever acclimates. It's been half the novel my guy

vic: yeah a book where a guy is destroyed by seeing a breast makes me want queer theory

vic: [it also] makes me feel good to see how much has changed [since the 1960s]

THE INTERSEX STUFF

A thing we appreciated about the book was how being intersex is contextual. The main character of the book, Genly Ai, is a human from a planet like Earth, who visits Gethen to open trade and diplomatic relations.

On his home planet, and to Earth sensibilities, Genly is perisex - he is able to reproduce at any time of the month and is consistently male.

But on Gethen, Genly becomes intersex. On Gethen, the norm is that you only manifest (and can reproduce as) a given sex during the monthly kemmer (heat/oestrus) period. 

The Gethenians understand Genly as living in “permanent kemmer”, which is described as a common (intersex) condition, and these people are hyper-sexualized and referred to as Perverts.

At this point it’s worth noting that depiction is not the same as endorsement. Michelle pointed out the book is very empathetic to those in permanent kemmer. LeGuin does not appear to be endorsing the social stigma faced by these people, merely depicting it, and putting a mirror to how our own society treats intersex people.

Throughout the book, Genly is treated as an oddity by the Gethenians. He is hyper sexualized. He undergoes a genital inspection to prove he is who he says he is. 

When Genly is sent to a prison camp and forcibly given HRT, he does not respond “normally” to the hormones, the effects are way worse for him, and the prison camp staff don’t care, and keep administering them even if it’ll kill him. 

Two of us have had the experience of having hyperandrogenism and being forced onto birth control as teenager, and relating to the sluggishness of the drugs that Genly experienced, as well as the sense that gender/sex conformity was more important to authority figures (parents, doctors) than actual health and well-being.

Another scene we discussed the one where Genly is in a prison van en route to the gulag, and a Gethenian enters kemmer and wants to mate with him and he declines. He is given multiple opportunities over the course of the book to try having sex with a Gethenian, and declines every time, and we wondered if he avoided it out of trauma of being hyper-sexualized & hyper-medicalized & having had his genitals inspected.

We discussed the way he described his genital inspection through a trauma lens, and how it interacts with toxic masculinity - in vic’s terms, Genly being "I am a manly man and I have don't trauma"

Those of us who read the short story, Coming of Age in Karhide, noted that once the world was narrated from a Gethenian POV, the people in permanent kemmer were treated far more neutrally, which gave us the impression that Genly as an unreliable narrator was injecting some intersexism along with his misogyny

WHY IT MATTERS TO READ THIS BOOK THROUGH AN INTERSEX LENS

Elizabeth: I’ve encountered critiques of this book from perisex trans folks because to them the book is committing biological essentialism, and dismissing the book as a result. I think they’re missing that this book is as much about (inter)sex as it is about gender. I think they’re too quick to dismiss the book as being outdated or having backwards ideas because they’re not appreciating the intersex themes. 

Elizabeth: The intersex themes aren’t exactly subtle, so it kind of stings that I haven’t seen any intersex analyses of this book, but there are dozens (hundreds?) of perisex trans analyses that all miss the huge intersex elephants in the room.

Also Elizabeth: I’ve seen this book show up in lists of intersex books/characters made by perisex people, and I’ve seen Estraven listed as intersex character, and it gets me upset because Estraven isn’t intersex! Estraven is perisex in the society in which he lives. Genly is the intersex character in this story and people who misunderstand intersex as being able to reproduce as male & female (or having quirky genitals smh) are completely missing that being intersex is socially constructed and based on what is considered typical for a given species.

WHAT THE BOOK DOESN’T HANDLE WELL

The body descriptions. As Dmitri put it: “ Like "his butt jiggled and it reminded  me of women" ew. It was intentional but I had to put the book down. It reminded me of transvestigators and how they take pictures of people in public.” 🤮

Not pushing Genly to reflect on how weird he is about other people’s bodies. We all had issues with how Genly is constantly scrutinizing the bodies of other humans to assess their gender(s) and it’s pretty gross.

vic asked: “how much of this is her reproducing violence without her knowing it? A thing I didn't like was how he always judging and analyzing people's bodies and realizing others treat him that way. And I wish there was more of his discomfort about this, that it made him feel icky.”

Dimitri added: “I really wanted him to have a moment of this too, for him to realize how much it sucks to be treated this way. As a trans person it's so uncomfortable. What are you doing going around doing this to people?”

Using male pronouns as default/ungendered pronouns. Élaina asked why Genly thinks a male pronoun is more appropriate for a transcendent God and pointed out there’s a lot to unpack there.

OTHER POSITIVES ABOUT THE BOOK

Genly’s journey towards respecting women, that he still had a ways to go by the end of the book. vic pointed out how “LeGuin was straight, and she loves men, and is kinda giving them the side-eye [in this book]. Her writing about how Genly is childish makes me really happy. It’s kind of hilarious to watch him bang his head against the wall because he’s so rigid.” 

To which Dmitri added: “I agree with the bit on forgiving men for stuff. I don't know how she [LeGuin] does it but she really lays it all out. She gives you a platter of how men are bad at things, how they make mistakes that are pretty specific to them. She has prepared a buffet of it.”

Autistic Estraven! As Michelle put it: “autistic queer feels about Estraven speaking literally and plainly and Genly not getting it”

The truck chapter. Hits like a pile of bricks. We talked about it as a metaphor for the current pandemic.

The Genly x Estraven slowburn queerplatonic relationship

The conlang! Less is more in how it gets used

MIXED REACTIONS

The Foretelling. For some it felt unnecessary and a bit fetishy. For others it was fun paranormal times.

Pacing. Some liked how the book really forces you to really contemplate as you go. Others struggled with a pace that feels very slow to 2023 readers.

WORKS WE COMPARED THE BOOK TO

Star Trek (the original series) - we wondered if LHOD and Genly Ai were progressive by 1960s standards, and TOS came up as a comparison point. We were all of the impression that TOS was progressive for its time but all of us find it pretty misogynist by our standards. The interest in extra-sensory perception (ESP) is something that was a staple of TOS that feels very strange to contemporary viewers and also cropped up in LHOD

Ancillary Justice - for being a book where characters’ genders are all ambiguous but the POV character is actually normal about how they describe other characters’ bodies.

The Deep - for being another book in a situation where being able to reproduce as male and female is the norm. The Deep was written by an actually intersex author, and doesn’t have the cisperisex gaze of scrutinizing every body for sex. But oddly LHOD actually winds up feeling more like a book about intersex people, because it features a character who is the odd one out in a gonosynic society. In contrast, nobody is intersex in the Deep - everybody matches the norms for their species, which makes the intersex themes in the work much more subtle.

Overall, as vic put it, “there's something to be said about an honest depiction that's not great, especially when there's no alternatives”. For a long time there weren’t many other games in town when it came to this sort of book, and even though some things now feel dated, it’s still a valuable read. We’d love to see more intersex reviews & analyses of the book!

#intersex book club #book summaries #book reviews #left hand of darkness #the left hand of darkness #ursula k. le guin #intersex books #intersex literature #queer books #queer literature #queer fiction #queer scifi #intersex

[shopcat]

okayy i'll just copy-paste it onto here cuz i don't have a scanner lol.

i used the informed consent model to start hrt for male-oriented transition at 17 and this is the info i was given by my doctor, who is a trans specialist! i figured it could be a helpful resource for transmascs/trans men/etc or even a writing resource as it goes over a lot ^_^

A Guide to Testosterone Therapy for Gender Transition

Hormone therapy can have positive and important effects on trans people's quality of life, but it's important to know about the health risks and know what to expect, so that you can work with your doctor to maximize the benefits and minimize the risks.

The purpose of this booklet is to:

Explain how hormones work

Describe the changes to expect from testosterone

Outline possible risks and side effects of testosterone

Give you information about how to maximize the benefits and minimize the risks

This booklet is written specifically for people in the FTM* spectrum who are considering taking testosterone. It may also be a helpful resource for partners, family and friends.

* FTM is shorthand for a spectrum that includes not just transsexuals, but anyone who was assigned "female" at birth and who identifies as male, masculine or a man some or all of the time, including non-binary, genderqueer and androgynous people.

How Hormones Work

Hormones are chemical messengers produced by one part of the body to tell cells in another part of the body how to function, when to grow, when to divide, and when to die. They regulate many functions, including growth, sex drive, hunger, thirst, digestion, metabolism, fat burning and storage, blood sugar and cholesterol levels, and reproduction.

Sex hormones regulate the development of sex characteristics – including the sex organs that develop before we are born (genitals, ovaries, testicles, etc) and also the secondary sex characteristics that typically develop at puberty (facial/body hair, bone growth, breast growth, voice changes, etc). The three categories of sex hormones that naturally occur are:

androgens: testosterone, dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), dihydrotestosterone (DHT)

oestrogens: oestradiol, oestriol, oestrone

progestagens: progesterone

Generally, "males"* tend to have higher androgen levels, and "females" tend to have higher levels of ostrogens and progestagens.

Changing the levels of sex hormone in the body will affect hair growth, voice pitch, fat distribution, muscle mass and other features that are associated with sex and gender. This can help make the body look and feel lesrs "feminine" and more "masculine" – making your body more closely match your identity.

* The binary terms male, female, masculine and feminine don't accurately reflect the diversity of trans people's bodies or identities. But it is helpful to understand how hormones work in "typical" (non-trans or cis-gendered) men's bodies, and how ostrogen works in "typical" women's bodies.

What Medications Are Involved in FTM Hormone Therapy?

Testosterone (sometimes called "T") is the main hormone responsible for promoting male physical traits. It works directly on tissues in your body (e.g. stimulating clitoral growth) and also indirectly by suppressing ostrogen production. If your menstrual periods don't stop within 3 months of taking testosterone, a 3 monthly progesterone injection can be given until the testosterone kicks in.

Assigned at birth females who have androgen insensitivity syndrome (AIS) won't get any effects from taking testosterone. In AIS, the body's receptors don't respond to testosterone (whether produced naturally or taken externally). However speech therapy, chest surgery and genital surgery can still be used in FTMs with AlS.

Testosterone can be taken in different ways:

injection (intramuscular)

skin patch or gel (transdermal)

pill (oral)

The way you take testosterone seems to affect how rapidly the changes happen.

Transdermal application causes the same degree of masculinisation as injection, but takes longer to suppress menstruation and make facial/body hair grow. Oral testosterone is the least effective and most dangerous due to risk to the liver, so is not used.

With Transdermal testosterone, the daily dosing means a more steady blood level of testosterone. With injecting there is a peak right after the injection and a dip at the end of the injection cycle. This can increase side effects at both ends of the cycle (e.g. aggression when testosterone peaks, fatigue and irritability when it dips). This can be reduced by injecting a smaller dose every 7 to 10 days, or by switching to the long-acting injectable testosterone which gives a longer plateau of testosterone lasting up to 3 months.

What's a Typical Dose?

Clinical protocols vary greatly and there is no one right type or dose that is best to use. Deciding what to take depends on your health, what is available locally, and what you can afford. It also depends on how your body reacts when you start taking testosterone.

The right type or dose for you may not be the same as for someone else. Always discuss the pros and cons of different options with your doctor and voice any concerns you have.

This table summarizes the forms of testosterone most commonly used by FTMs in Australia. You may be started on a lower dose if you have chronic health problems or are at risk for specific side effects, or have had your ovaries removed.

Forms of Testosterone Commonly Used

(note from me: use this section more as a general guide, as it is particular to aus almost 5 years ago. still pretty helpful otherwise.)

Intramuscular Injection, short-acting: Brand – Primoteston. 150-250mg fortnightly. $10. Pros – Rapid changes. Cheap. Cons – More side effects at beginning and end of cycle. More injections.

Intramuscular Injection, long-acting: Brand – Reandron. 1000mg every 8 to 12 weeks. $40. Pros – Rapid changes. More stable T levels. Cons – Not able to be self-injected (you will need to see a nurse). (i take this! it's every 15 - 17 weeks now.)

Transdermal: Gel – Testogel, Axiron. Patch – Androderm. 5-10g per day. $30 per month. Pros – More stable levels, less ups and downs. No needles. Cons – Changes take longer to happen when first starting. More expensive. Daily treatment. Risk of gel getting onto partner or pets.

Costs vary depending on pharmacy. These costs are based on PBS subsidy which assumes the person has a Medicare card. Costs are higher without this subsidy.

Every person is different in terms of how their body absorbs, processes and responds to sex hormones. Some people have more changes than others; changes happen more quickly for some people than others. Taking more than the dose you were prescribed – or taking another kind of steroid as well as your prescribed dose (sometimes called "stacking") – is not a good way to speed up changes. Taking a higher dose can actually slow down the changes you want: extra testosterone can be converted to oestrogen by an enzyme in your body called aromatase.

Taking more than your prescribed dose also greatly increases your health risks. If you think your dose is too low, talk to your doctor about your concerns. It may be better to try a different type rather than increase the dose.

Obtaining anabolic steroids through other means (such as through gyms or the internet) is a really bad idea, as these are often veterinary grade steroids which have not gone through the same rigorous quality assurance process that is applied to human pharmaceuticals, and it is very easy to overdose and cause serious liver damage. If you are taking these steroids please tell your doctor so that they can monitor your health.

If you have had your ovaries removed your body will producing a much smaller amount of oestrogen, so the dosage of testosterone is usually reduced. However you will need to stay on testosterone for the rest of your life to preserve bone strength.

What Changes Can I Expect, and How Soon?

Hormone therapy has important psychological benefits, helping to bring the mind and body closer together and easing dysphoria. People often describe feeling less anxious, less depressed, calmer and happier when they start taking hormones. For some people this psychological change happens as soon as they start taking hormones, and for others it happens as physical changes progress.

The degree and rate of change depends on factors that are different for every person, including your age and how sensitive your body is to testosterone. There is no way to predict how you will respond before you start.

Effects and Expected Time Course of Masculinizing Hormones*

Typical changes from testosterone

Skin oiliness/acne. Onset: 1-6 mth. Maximum effect: 1-2 yr.

Facial/body hair growth. Onset: 3-6 mth. Maximum effect: 3-5 yr.

Scalp hair loss. Onset: >12 mth. Maximum effect: variable.

Increased muscle mass. Onset: 6-12 mth. Maximum effect: 2-5 yr.

Body fat redistribution. Onset: 3-6 mth. Maximum effect: 2-5 yr.

Menstruation (period) stops. Onset: 2-6 mth.

Deepened voice. Onset: 3-12 mth. Maximum effect: 1-2 yr.

Clitoral enlargement. Onset: 3-6 mth. Maximum effect: 1-2 yr.

Vaginal dryness. Onset: 1-6 mth. Maximum effect: 1-2 yr.

Testosterone affects the entire body.

It's not possible to pick some changes and not others.

* Adapted from WPATH Standards of Care version 7

(note from me: the onset and "maximum effect" of these changes are not set in stone or fused to a certain timeline. after a certain period of time if you continue hrt your body will take on the characteristics of a typical cis male's and what you are genetically predisposed to. everybody's body changed as they age, like how a 20 year old cis man and his 30 year old self are wildly different, and this will happen to you too! also, for example, i started growing facial hair around 6 months, true, but i'm 5 years in now and it's only just started actually growing in properly, and that's also because i'm... 22 and not a teenager anymore, y'know? my (cis) brother's beard only filled in when he was 26, a lot of it's just genetics!)

Most of the effects of hormones happen in the first two years. During this time, your doctor will want to see you one month after starting hormones, then 3-4 times in the next year, then every 6 months. At appointments in the first two years your doctor will:

order a blood test to check hormone levels, liver function and red cell count

ask you about physical changes

ask you how you feel about the changes that have happened thus far

Are These Changes Permanent?

Most of the noticeable changes caused by taking testosterone are not fully reversible, even if you stop taking the hormone.

Irreversible: deeper voice, male-pattern baldness, facial hair, clitoral growth

Reversible: menstrual periods, muscle/fat/skin changes

The long-term effects on fertility are not fully understood. There is a chance you will be permanently sterile after taking testosterone for some time, in other words, you may not be able to become pregnant if you stop taking testosterone.

What Won't Change?

1. Hormone therapy won't solve all body image problems.

The point of hormone therapy is to make you feel more comfortable with your body which can increase self-esteem and make you feel more confident and attractive. It can be hard to separate out gender dysphoria from body image problems.

Counselling (therapy) can be helpful to sort out your expectations about your appearance, and to work towards greater self-acceptance.

2. Hormone therapy won't make you into somebody else.

Many people experience positive emotional changes with hormone therapy. But after the excitement wears off, and you've incorporated the changes into your daily life, you'll likely find that your personality remains unchanged. Whatever you see as your strengths and weaknesses will still be there. Hopefully you will be happier and more accepting of yourself, but if you re expecting all of your problems to disappear you're probably going to be disappointed.

This extends to mental health concerns as well. People who were depressed because of gender dysphoria may find that taking hormones greatly alleviates their depression. However if you have depression caused by biological factors, the stresses of transphobia, or unresolved personal issues, you may still be depressed after you start hormones.

3. Hormone therapy won't provide you with a perfect community.

For some trans people, hormone therapy is a ritual affirming that they are who they say they are. Making physical changes is a way to bring who you are to the rest of the world so that other people can see it. This process of self-emergence can be very liberating, but it does not guarantee that you will find acceptance or understanding.

When starting hormones there can be a drive to find other people who have gone through similar experiences. There are a lot of very cool trans people to talk with about hormones, but having taken hormones doesn't automatically make trans people welcoming, approachable or sensitive. Being realistic about the likelihood that you will at times feel lonely and alone after you start taking hormones is part of emotionally preparing for hormone therapy.

4. Hormone therapy won't remove all female aspects of your body.

Some physical characteristics aren't changed by hormone therapy, or are only slightly changed. This includes things that have developed before birth (vagina, chromosomes) and also physical changes that occurred during puberty.

Testosterone does make your voice pitch drop, but it does not change intonation and other speech patterns that are associated with gender socialization rather than hormones.

Testosterone does not make breast tissue go away, you will need surgery for this change to occur.

Once your bones have stopped growing after puberty, testosterone won't change the size or shape of your bones. You will not grow taller or get bigger hands or feet.

Since effects on fertility are unpredictable, there is a chance you could still become pregnant. Depending on how you have sex, you may need to use birth control.

Testosterone is toxic to the developing foetus and you cannot take it whilst pregnant.

Testosterone tends to make the vagina drier and the cervix more fragile, so if you have vaginal sex you should add extra lubricant to avoid breaking latex or tearing your vaginal lining.

What are the Possible Side Effects/Risks of Testosterone?

The long-term safety of testosterone is not fully understood. Most of the studies on hormone therapy involve cis-gendered men taking testosterone. There may be long-term risks that are not yet known.

1. Testosterone can increase the risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes.

Testosterone tends to:

Decrease good cholesterol (HDL) and increase bad cholesterol (LDL)

Increase fat deposits around internal organs and in the upper abdomen

Increase blood pressure

Decrease the body's sensitivity to insulin

Cause weight gain

These changes may increase the risk of heart attack, stroke and diabetes. The risks are greater for those who smoke, are overweight, or have a family history of heart disease. Many of the contributing factors to these conditions can be reduced by creating a care plan that is tailored to your specific situation. Stopping smoking, exercising, eating well and having periodic blood tests are all key steps in reducing your risks.

2. Testosterone can increase red blood cells and haemoglobin.

The increase is usually only to the average male range, but a higher increase can cause potentially life-threatening problems such as stroke and heart attack.

Blood tests will check on this.

3. Testosterone can cause or worsen headaches and migraines.

If you are getting frequent headaches/migraines or the pain is unusually bad, tell your doctor.

4. Cancer risk is not significantly affected.

Breast cancer, ovarian cancer and uterine cancer are all sensitive to ostrogen, and there is evidence that some testosterone is converted to ostrogen. Studies have not however found a definite increase in rate of cancers in trans men on testosterone. However risk is likely to be increased if you have a family history of these cancers, are aged >50, or are overweight. It is important to discuss screening tests that may be appropriate.

5. Testosterone can negatively affect mental health.

In some people testosterone can cause increased irritability, frustration and anger. People with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia may be destabilized. Using daily Transdermal testosterone can help with mood swings.

6. There can be social consequences to taking testosterone.

Being visibly trans in a transphobic society carries risks. Harrassment, violence, discrimination, loss of employment, loss of support from loved ones can all occur.

Peer support and counselling can be very helpful.

7. Pelvic Pain in Trans Men.

Some people develop pelvic pain after being on testosterone for some time. This can be like period pain and can occur monthly or in a random fashion. If this happens to you be sure to tell your doctor so it may be properly investigated.

Health Checkups While You're Taking Testosterone

As long as you are taking testosterone (possibly for the rest of your life) you need to have regular physical exams and lab tests to monitor your overall health. Initially these checkups will be every few months. Expect your doctor to:

Ask about your overall health

Check your blood pressure, weight, heart rate

Order blood tests to check red blood cells, blood sugar, cholesterol, liver health and hormone levels

Recommend other tests such as bone density tests or heart tests as needed, depending on your health and any signs of problems

Routine breast and cervical cancer checks (mammograms, Pap smears) as per the usual screening guidelines (generally every 2 years)

There are some health problems that make it dangerous to take testosterone (eg uncontrolled heart disease) – your doctor will do everything possible to control the disease so that you are able to take hormones, but may need to change the dose and type of testosterone to protect your health.

Maximizing the Benefits, Minimizing the Risks

What can you do to ensure your therapy is safe and effective?

Be informed. Understanding how testosterone works, what to expect, possible side effects/risks, and guidelines for care gives you the tools to be in charge of your health and make informed decisions.

If you smoke, stop or cut down. Smoking greatly increases risks. If you are a smoker, your testosterone level may have to be kept low. Your doctor can help you to quit.

Find a health care provider you trust and can be honest with. You need to be able to talk openly about what you want, and any concerns or problems. You also need to be able to talk openly about drug and alcohol use, supplements and anything else you are taking.

Deal with problems early on. If caught early most problems can be dealt with so that you don't have to stop your hormones. Waiting can worsen your health to the point where you can't safely take testosterone.

Don't change medication on your own. Check with your doctor if you want to stop, start or change the dose. Taking more frequently or at a higher dose increases health risks and can slow down the effects you want.

Take a holistic approach to your health. Health involves more than just hormone levels.

Know where to go for help. There are peer support groups and counsellors who can play a role in assisting you.

This brochure has been modified from "Hormones: A Guide for FTMs" by Vancouver Coastal Health.

Testosterone Informed Consent Information

Testosterone treatment will cause some permanent and many reversible changes in your body. Some of these changes you may want (like facial hair and a deeper voice) but some you may not (like baldness). Before you start taking testosterone, it is important that you have a good understanding of these effects as well as the risks involved in taking testosterone. If while reading this form you have questions, make sure you discuss them with your doctor so you have a realistic expectation of what will happen and what may happen.

It is also important that you understand that testosterone is not the only way that all FTM transgender patients choose to be treated. Just as chromosomes and genitals do not define your gender identity, neither does which hormones are in your body or what surgeries you choose to have. So it is important that you decide what goals you would like to achieve in your treatment and discuss these with your doctor. Deciding not to take testosterone, to delay taking testosterone, or to take a lower dose than others are all valid choices and do not make you "less trans". Gender identity can only be determined by you based on how you feel inside, not the choices you make about your medical care.

Permanent Changes

These will not go away if you stop taking testosterone:

Will happen:

Increased facial and body hair. Not just on your face, chest and stomach. You may also get hairs on your back, buttocks, and even in your ears.

Deepened voice. How deep your voice will get is variable from one person to the next.

Enlargement of the clitoris to an average of 4-5cm (< 2 inches) after 1-3 years.

May happen:

If you have not finished puberty, you might have a growth spurt and closure of growth plates.

Male pattern baldness (may be partially treatable), genetic.

Changes in your ovaries that may make it difficult or impossible for you to produce eggs or get pregnant even if you stop taking testosterone.

Changes in your uterus (like fibroids) or ovaries (like cysts) that may make hysterectomy (removal of uterus) and oophorectomy (removal of ovaries) more difficult if you eventually choose to have these surgeries.

Rarely, benign or malignant liver tumours or other liver disease (usually only in those who take oral testosterone)

Possible but uncertain increase risk of developing osteoporosis (thinning and weakening of bones) that may become worse after ovary removal or if you stop taking testosterone.

Reversible Changes

These occur with testosterone treatment but generally will go away if you stop taking testosterone:

Increased libido (sex drive) and changes in sexual behaviour.

Increased muscle mass (especially upper body strength)

Redistribution of fat to a more typical male pattern (to the stomach instead of hips and thighs)

Increased sweat and changes in body odour.

Increased appetite, weight gain, and fluid retention.

Acne of the face, back and chest, especially in the first few years of treatment (which if severe, may cause permanent scarring).

Prominence of veins and coarser skin.

Emotional changes (both good and bad).

Worsening of blood cholesterol levels which might increase your risks of heart attacks and strokes.

Increase in red blood count (which rarely if severe and untreated can make you more likely to have strokes, heart attacks or blood clots).

Stopping menstruation (periods). This may take several months or may be immediate.

Vaginal dryness and itching that may make vaginal penetration painful.

Interference with other medications that you may take.

Worsening of or increased risk of getting certain diseases. If you think you have or are developing these diseases, it is important to tell your doctor. They can be treated and having them doesn't necessarily mean you have to stop taking testosterone: Type 2 diabetes, Liver disease, High blood pressure, High cholesterol, Heart disease, Migraine headaches, Sleep apnoea, Epilepsy

#🐾 #feel free to rb #my 5 year anniversry is actually on the 31st so heh... cool #if there's mistakes uh sorry i was just copying it from photos with the iphone thing

[mackat24]

Panel Presentation: "Justify My Love" and "One of Your Girls"

"JUSTIFY MY LOVE" BY MADONNA

The No. 1 hit single “Justify My Love” by Madonna is a song that explores desire, love, sex, and choice. The music video shows Madonna as she kisses men and women, and it also features other queer couples. The music video was banned from MTV and created a scandal due to its sensual nature. 

Judith Butler, “Gender is Burning: Questions of Appropriation and Subversion” 

Butler’s essay explores the construction and representation of gender. Specifically, she claims that gender is just a performance reinforced by repeated acts [1]. At the start of the music video, there is an androgynous figure shown in the hallway. They appear to be a topless woman with pearls and gloves; however, they have short hair and a slightly more masculine face (00:00:22). At a glance, it is difficult to tell whether or not this is a man or woman–does it even matter?–but it shows that gender is a performance. You choose how to present yourself to the world and looking like a man/woman is based on societal norms. A similar argument can be made for the two women in drag with drawn on mustaches; at a glance it’s difficult to tell whether they are men or women, again, supporting the idea that gender is a performance (00:04:17). At this moment, they present as men, although they are women. There are also several other people, such as an androgynous women Madonna kisses (00:02:00-00:02:41), a man cross dressing (00:04:33), and two transgender women that appear in a mirror (00:02:50) that support this idea that gender isn’t necessarily a “natural” thing, we just associate certain traits with certain genders. 

Furthermore, Butler claims that “‘imitation’ is at the heart of the heterosexual project… [and that] hegemonic heterosexuality is itself a repeated effort to imitate its own idealizations” [2]. This statement can be applied to the heterosexual couples featured in the video. At the beginning of the video, there’s a man tightening a woman’s corset. The man is muscular, dressed in leather, and has a mustache. The woman has an hourglass body figure, prominent breasts, and makeup on (00:01:21-00:01:27). The way they look follows the heterosexual ideal. The couple clearly follows gender norms through body shape and dress. They imitate hypersexual heterosexual idealizations, whether consciously or subconsciously, furthering the heterosexual project. There are several other heterosexual couples too. For one, Madonna is seen with a man, and they are both clearly feminine/masculine (00:01:05-00:01:20). Madonna is also seen on the bed as he stands above her, until the man is swapped with a woman (00:01:44-00:01:54). Additionally, there’s a close up where a man forces a woman to look at the camera. She appears to be frightful (00:04:25-00:04:28). These two examples show the following of heterosexual norms because in both, the women seem to have less power. Because Madonna’s the one on the bed, she’s the one going to have things done to her, tying into our readings about the male gaze and how women are typically featured with less power. In the second example, the woman clearly is not in control; the man forces her to look at the camera by grabbing her face. In these scenes, the couples follow the heterosexual norm of the women being more submissive. 

Also, I’d like to mention the dancer in a black bodysuit. They may be a symbol of change/fluidity. When Madonna was on the bed, at first, she was with a man. Then the dancer in a black bodysuit appeared, and next there was a woman (00:01:55-00:01:57). Another time the dancer makes an appearance is before the audience sees the two transgender women in the mirror (00:02:43-00:02:46). The dancer appears again before Madonna is seen with the original man (00:03:37-00:03:40). The dancer is also seen in the shot with two men and a cross dressing man on the couch (00:04:29). In each instance, change is featured: the man is swapped for a woman, there has been a transition in gender, and there has been a transition in appearance. This ties into Butler’s essay because it shows how fluid gender is, showing how “‘being a man’ and ‘being a woman are internally unstable affairs” [3]. 

Judith Halberstam, “Looking Butch”

Halberstam’s essay discusses the queer gaze, positive images, and butches. The queer gaze is getting around codes/barriers by identifying queer characteristics in the people on screen. It’s a way to identify with the characters on screen even if there aren’t queer characters [4]. In Madonna’s music video, there are many queer people. However, Madonna herself can be used as an avatar within the queer gaze. Specifically, in regard to this music video, through her lyrics and performance she’s able to express her sexuality. She got pushback for it but was still able to be herself. Closeted queer people want to openly express their sexuality, so they may make Madonna their icon/live through her. 

Halberstam also discusses a “positive image,” or rather, “the opposite of a stereotype” [5].   Positive images are when societally good images use marginalized peoples. Madonna’s music video has both positive and negative images, and also many neutral images. Madonna herself is a positive image. In the music video, she’s portrayed as bisexual. When she’s on the bed with the man about to have sex, she puts up her hands and says, “not like that” (00:01:50-00:01:55). This shows Madonna, the woman in the relationship, having power. It’s a positive image of women and bisexual women - they have the power to refuse what they don’t want. Furthermore, at the end of the video, there’s a black screen with a quote “poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another” (00:04:58). In this case, the man is the one presented as weaker, further supporting that women can control their situations. This is a negative image for men, though, because it promotes the stereotype that they’ll do anything for and are dependent on sex. An even more negative image would be when a man grabs a woman’s face, forcing her to look at the camera (00:04:25-00:04:28). This promotes the negative image that men have the power, and women can do nothing about it. Generally, though, there are happy, queer, couples in the video, pushing the positive image that queer couples are happy. Ultimately, there’s a blend of positive and negative in the music video. 

Halberstam also discusses butches, and some are featured within Madonna’s music video. One is a woman that wears suspenders and a cop hat (00:03:11). They do appear to be a bit androgynous, but Halberstam may claim that this is a transvestite butch. The transvestite butch may do “cross-dressing and [assume] female masculinity in relation to the notion of disguise” [6]. Although women can be cops and wear suspenders, these clothes are generally more associated with men. The outfit gives the butch a more masculine feel. Also, the butch grabs the man’s head and kisses him (00:03:12-00:03:23). So, Halberstam may also classify this person as a predatory butch, a butch that’s “the gunslinger, the prison warden, the gang member, the female pimp; in short, the bulldagger” [7]. Just by dress, this person fits the bill, but based on actions, the person seems to have power, seems to be a tough guy. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"ONE OF YOUR GIRLS" BY TROYE SIVAN

Troye Sivan’s “One of Your Girls” expresses frustration over loving a straight man while being a gay man. The music video presents Troye Sivan dressed in drag, as he’d like to be “one of [his] girls” so that he’d be loved back in the same way. 

Judith Butler, “Gender is Burning: Questions of Appropriation and Subversion” 

The start of the video features a mix of more masculine and feminine men, with Troye himself appearing more feminine (00:00:01-00:00:30). This goes to show how gender is not a “natural” concept, it’s human made and just a performance. People decided what features belong to which gender, determining which guys look more masculine or feminine. 

When Sivan is in drag, he’s very convincing as a woman; I didn’t realize it was him at first (00:00:53). This, again, goes to show that gender is just a performance. His makeup is done to look like a very feminine, pretty woman. Since anyone can adopt these features and pass as a woman, it suggests gender isn’t inherent as Butler claims. There are simply societal ideals of what’s feminine vs. masculine. If gender wasn’t just a performance, there would be more of a sign indicating that he wasn’t actually female.

Furthermore, when Sivan was in drag giving a lap dance to another man (00:01:49-00:01:51), it showed how heterosexuality is an imitation of itself. If you didn’t know Sivan was in drag, you’d assume that this is a heterosexual couple expressing their attraction. However, because Sivan is in drag, that means this couple is not heterosexual. As Butler states, heterosexuality itself is a performance, like drag [8]. Furthermore, Sivan is literally performing; he’s dancing. He “performs” heterosexuality, or rather, imitates it at least, showing how heterosexuality is an imitation of itself. 

Judith Halberstam, “Looking Butch”

Although Sivan’s video doesn’t feature any butches, it does deal with queer gaze will apply. Sivan sings about being “one of your girls or homies,” showing how he'd like to be a girl just so that this guy will like him. It already has queerness infused; however, the line could be read in multiple ways. Transgender people could identify with it because it deals with wanting to be another gender. Nonbinary/gender fluid people may also be able to relate because of the line “girls or homies.” Sivan does not just say girls. 

Regarding positive/negative images, there aren’t many within the music video. Portions of the video are in black and white and other portions are in color. However, all parts of the video where Troye Sivan presents himself as male are in black and white. The first instance of color appearing is when he’s in drag (00:00:31). This could be read multiple ways. One is that he’s desperate for this guy to like him, and he’ll only be happy when this man likes him. This is definitely a more negative image - it portrays gays as people who base their happiness off of what others think. However, this could also be interpreted as a positive image. The image (not necessarily the lyrics) could show that Sivan was happy when he could present as a girl. Being himself and doing what he wished made him happy. This is a positive image for trans people - they are happier when they can present themselves as their gender. Otherwise, though, no one is portrayed in a particularly positive/negative light. The song revolves around unrequited love, and you feel bad for Sivan, but it doesn't use particularly strong positive/negative images. 

Discussion Questions

What are some other representations of people in drag in the media? Are these representations positive or negative? How do these representations compare to “One of your Girls”’s? 

In the music video for “Justify My Love,” there is representation of different identities. However, they are all in a sexual context. What implications does this have? Is it harmful or harmless? 

Madonna’s music video has a large array of queer people. However, she’s still the main focus and very feminine. Even when she kisses the girl, it seems more so for the male gaze. On the other hand, in Sivan’s video, he’s the one subverting gender norms. Sivan’s video doesn’t feature other outwardly queer people, though. Which video do you think is a better representation of queer people?

Halberstam states that “a cinema of positive images is simply not a very interesting cinema” [9]. Do you agree with this statement? Also, should we still use markers such as positive/negative to analyze representation? 

[1] Judith Butler, “Gender is Burning: Questions of Appropriation and Subversion” in Feminist Film Theory a Reader (New York: Washington Square, 1999,) 338.

[2] Judith Butler, “Gender is Burning: Questions of Appropriation and Subversion,” 338. 

[3] Judith Butler, “Gender is Burning: Questions of Appropriation and Subversion,” 339. 

[4] Judith Halberstam, “Looking Butch” in Female Masculinity (Durham and London: Duke University Press, 1998,) 177.

[5] Judith Halberstam, “Looking Butch,” 184.

[6] Judith Halberstam, “Looking Butch,” 206. 

[7] Judith Halberstam, “Looking Butch,” 194.

[8] Judith Butler, “Gender is Burning: Questions of Appropriation and Subversion,” 338. 

[9] Judith Halberstam, “Looking Butch,” 184. 

Madonna, “Justify My Love,” dir. by Jean-Baptiste Mondino, Sire Records, 1990, video, 4:58, https://youtu.be/Np_Y740aReI?si=Fw15pQmSolKPVrvY.

Troye Sivan, “One of Your Girls,” dir. by Gordon von Steiner, Capitol, 2023, video, 3:09, https://youtu.be/ZhGl8McrOHo?si=SVN4aU5ei642a_BD. 

@theuncannyprofessoro

#oxyvisualanalysis #discussionleader #Youtube

[femsolid]

Since you play games, I want to tell you about Outlast: Trials. Maybe you've heard of it, but it's a fairly popular horror game series. It has a lot of misogyny, but the worst part for me was the sexualisation of nuns this latest game has. In one of the levels, you play in an orphanage. As decoration, you get to see mannequins of nuns wearing lingerie, masturbating, getting sexually assaulted, and some of them have real breasts sewn on them. Every single gameplay I've seen was of men going around ogling nuns and calling their friends to look too... so no one can tell me it's meant to be scary. I've never seen someone sexualise male priests (the priest from Fleabag doesn't count) and munks. And yet, this happens to nuns every time. I didn't see anyone talk about this, so I'm sending it in hopes of opening up a discussion about it.

Damn... thank you so much for warning me. I saw that it had positive reviews so I was planning on looking at some gameplay but now I certainly won't. In the previous game, Outlast 2 (I didn't play I watched someone else play it), there was some pregnancy horror/pregnancy death, sexual violation by an androgynous character and an orgy, so I knew I would have to verify before going for this one. What I'm learning is that positive reviews mean very little when they are made by men. Same with movies. Same with everything actually. Can't trust a male opinion, since they love violence, degradation, misogyny and generally lack intellectual depth.

On the topic of nuns you are absolutely right. They are sexualised in a way male religious figures aren't.

You could say that about every type of woman I suppose, but men love to go after females who are off limits to them: lesbians, nuns, school girls... They like to think that, deep down, when we say we aren't interested in sex with men we are lying, because every female is a slut, and they like to create voyeuristic types of medias that portray what they think we're up to when men aren't around. The idea that nuns are secretely hungry whores, impure, lying and wicked (as all women are, according to the bible aka men) is the reason they aren't allowed to be priestesses in the first place. They claim that it's "horror" and therefore scary, but men being sadists, horror is a turn on to them. And you say this sexual violence is taking place in an orphanage, bringing children and nuns' benevolence into it.

#media #video games

[templeofoccultpractices]

Hapi

Major cult center:Elephantine

Symbols:Amphora 𓎿 𓏂, Fertility, Hippopotamus, Lotus and Crocodiles (Upper Egypt), Papyrus plants and attended by frogs (Lower Egypt), Nile, Water

Connection to other gods:Geb (God of the earth), Neper (God of grain)

Priest names

(roles) priests were involved in rituals to ensure the steady levels of flow required from the annual flood. Located at Ta-Sety, Abu/Elephantine there was nilometer, a measuring device, was carefully monitored to predict the level of the flood, and his priests must have been intimately concerned with its monitoring.

Features

Hapy is show as an intersex person with a large belly and pendulous breasts, wearing a loincloth and ceremonial false beard. He is depicted with either blue or green skin, representing water. In Lower Egypt, he was adorned with papyrus plants and attended by frogs. In Upper Egypt, it was the lotus and crocodiles which were more present in the Nile. He is often pictured carrying offerings of food or pouring water from an amphora, but also, very rarely, was depicted as a hippopotamus. During the Nineteenth dynasty Hapy is often depicted as a pair of figures, each holding and tying together the long stem of two plants representing Upper and Lower Egypt, symbolically binding the two halves of the country around a hieroglyph meaning "union". Not to be confused with one of Horu's son Hapi by the same name.

Hapi (Ancient Egyptian: ḥʿpy) was the god of the annual flooding of the Nile in ancient Egyptian religion. The flood deposited rich silt (fertile soil) on the river's banks, allowing the Egyptians to grow crops. Hapi was greatly celebrated among the Egyptians. Some of the titles of Hapi were "Lord of the Fish and Birds of the Marshes" and "Lord of the River Bringing Vegetation". Hapi is typically depicted as an androgynous figure with a prominent belly and large drooping breasts, wearing a loincloth and ceremonial false beard.

Mythology

The annual flooding of the Nile occasionally was said to be the Arrival of Hapi. Since this flooding provided fertile soil in an area that was otherwise desert, Hapi symbolised fertility. He had large female breasts because he was said to bring a rich and nourishing harvest. Due to his fertile nature he was sometimes considered the "father of the gods",and was considered to be a caring father who helped to maintain the balance of the cosmos, the world or universe regarded as an orderly, harmonious system. He was thought to live within a cavern at the supposed source of the Nile near Aswan. The cult of Hapi was mainly located at the First Cataract named Elephantine. His priests were involved in rituals to ensure the steady levels of flow required from the annual flood. At Elephantine the official nilometer, a measuring device, was carefully monitored to predict the level of the flood, and his priests must have been intimately concerned with its monitoring.

Hapi was not regarded as the god of the Nile itself but of the inundation event. He was also considered a "friend of Geb", the Egyptian god of the earth, and the "lord of Neper", the god of grain.

Roles

Hapi is an intersexed god, who is probably shown this way to represent the fertility of the nile's annual flood. He is not considered the God of the Nile , but represent the annual flooding of the Nile and inundation event called the Arrival of Hapi. Hapi maintain the balance of the cosmos. He was sometimes considered the Father of the Gods because of his fertile.

Iconography

Although male and wearing the false beard, Hapi was pictured with pendulous breasts and a large stomach, as representations of the fertility of the Nile. He also was usually given blue or green skin, representing water. Other attributes varied, depending upon the region of Egypt in which the depictions exist. In Lower Egypt, he was adorned with papyrus plants and attended by frogs, present in the region, and symbols of it. Whereas in Upper Egypt, it was the lotus and crocodiles which were more present in the Nile, thus these were the symbols of the region, and those associated with Hapi there. Hapi often was pictured carrying offerings of food or pouring water from an amphora, but also, very rarely, was depicted as a hippopotamus. During the Nineteenth Dynasty Hapi is often depicted as a pair of figures, each holding and tying together the long stem of two plants representing Upper and Lower Egypt, symbolically binding the two halves of the country around a hieroglyph meaning "union".This symbolic representation was often carved at the base of seated statues of the pharaoh.[ Egyptian historian Al Maqrizi (1364–1442) related in his "El Khutat El Maqrizia (The Maqrizian Plans) that living virgins were sacrificed annually as "brides of the Nile" ("Arous El Nil") and this has been historically accepted as late as the 1970s. but this claim is disputed by some Egyptologists such as Bassam El Shammaa.

──────⊰In Workings⊱──────

*Please know basic protections and energy work before attempting any deity work.*

*It is important to note that everyone's experiences are different and will work with spirits for different reasons. Some people may like a spirit while others will not and that's okay. Ask these spirits what they will work with you on as well as ask them if they can help you with whatever it is you need.*

Ideas for honoring or working with/worshipping Hapi

Altar

Create an altar/sacred space for your rituals and giving offerings for Hapi. Items may include

⬩An altar cloth

⬩Blue candles (you can use any color)

⬩Cup or chalice

⬩Incense and an incense burner

⬩Offering bowl

⬩Statue of Hapi

For more information on basic deity work and altar setups check out the deity work post.

Basic offerings:Bread, Frankincense, Game Meat, Lion Statue Myrrh, Sour Dough, Meat, Sun Symbols,

Ritual

Ideas for rituals may include

⬩Fertility rites

⬩Maintaining balance

⬩Maintaining steady levels from the flood

⬩Ask him what else he can help you on⬩

The Hymn to the Flood

Lightmaker who comes from the dark Fattener of herds Might that fashions all None can live without him People are clothed with the flax of his fieldsThou makest all the land to drink unceasingly, as thou descendest on thy way from the heavens.

𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖𓈖

For more content relating to other practices/religions or pantheons follow my main blog for updates

If you have any more questions or wish to join a community feel free to join my 18+ discord server

Ask me anything on my blog

#Hapi #kemetism #occult #witchcraft #witchblr #deity #pagan #paganism #Kemeticism #neterism #neter #netjer #neteru #netjeru #kemetic #kemetic pagan #kemetic paganism #kemetic polytheism #kemetic witch #pagan witch #witch #baby witch #baby pagan #occultism #occultblr #paganblr #kemetblr

[sassyeducationwritingcookie]

This is my Harry Potter character, Shyado Kurosawa (a.k.a. Alexandra Kurosawa)

Originally, Shyado is a boy, but in Harry Potter/"Obey Me!" universe Shyado is a girl.

Headcanons about her are under the cut.

Note: English is not my first language.

∆ Shyado is an androgynous girl, that means her appearance is dominated by both male and female features.

∆ She is from Japan, that means she is the former student of Japanese wizarding school, Mahoutokoro.

∆ Shyado is the half-blood (her father is a wizard, and mother is a muggle), and she hates herself for this.

∆ She lives in London with her paternal aunt.

∆ Her magic wand is made of cherry wood, connected to the dragon's heartstring, 13,5 inches long. She got this wand from her father when he was deprived of his position in the Ministry of Magic.

∆ Her height is 180 centimeters (5'11''), and her weight is about 70 kg.

∆ Shyado has a younger brother.

∆ Prefers to drink mint tea, regular black tea and orange tea. She always puts two and a half spoonfuls of sugar in her tea, although she used to put three.

∆ Shyado knows several languages well: English, Russian, Japanese and Armenian.

∆ Her late paternal grandfather, in addition to teaching the history of magic in Mahoutokoro, was also a linguist.

∆ She doesn't have a certain style of dress. She dresses according to the mood and the weather. She mostly wears dark colors.

∆ She has a sweet tooth. She always was, but the passion for junk food intensified after her parents' divorce.

∆ She is often confused with a guy because of her height and appearance.

∆ Shyado prefers silver jewelry.

∆ Loves unusual things, clothes and jewelry.

∆ Hates insects. Like, she really hates them.

∆ Loves cats.

∆ Her house is Ravenclaw.

∆ In her free time she reads books, listening to music and sometimes writing short stories and even poems.

∆ Her breasts size is C, and she has thick thighs. In other words, she is curvy in right places 🤭(yeah, thick thighs save lifes)

∆ Secretly, Shyado wears revealing, short and tight clothes. She would like to wear such things more often, if not for her insecurities about the figure.

∆ Wears glasses, because her vision is bad.

∆ Likes to wear dark clothes.

#cookie talks #harry potter #wizarding world #hogwarts oc #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #Shyado (Alexandra) Kurosawa #harry potter oc #original character

[ambroseandmox]

Hm.

Personal rambling under the cut.

I've been having gender dysphoria again, after several years without it.

I'm talking full blown crisis over not having a dick. It's not as bad as it has been before, but the desperate feeling of being wrong is there.

I've never liked having breasts, and I actually have been trying to get medically cleared for breast reduction surgery for decades, but apparently I need to be skinny to qualify, and losing weight makes the back pain unbearable. For a very long time, I assumed the bad feelings I have about my body were from the combination of being fat (and teased mercilessly for it as a kid) and having seriously big boobs (and even more mercilessly teased for that). I have lived my whole life in huge shirts to try and hide it, but I now think I have far deeper issues than that.

But I also don't want to transition. I want nothing to do with beards or body hair. I usually lean towards wishing I could be androgynous, but that doesn't fit quite right either.

I never had a huge sense of "I can't be female" as a kid. I preferred boy toys a lot of the time, but I still played with dolls as well as cars. I was always a tomboy in that I loved pro wrestling and preferred playing with boys to talking about them and doing makeup with the girls. As I got older, I began to realize that I am definitely on the asexual spectrum, so I thought that was it.

I have, more than once, been mistaken for a guy. And it has always felt bad - shameful. So I don't think I'm fully trans? But I think the shame is more that I have failed to perform femininity adequately, if that makes sense.

I don't know. I'm rambling. There are times where I love having long hair and wearing cute fuzzy purple sweaters with skinny jeans. But there are also times where I want to cut my hair short and bind and wear jeans and combat boots. Just this morning I found myself standing in my kitchen with my arms folded and cursing that I had boobs in the way. When I feel more masculine I even move differently, stand differently, I stand taller and take up more space, but when I feel more feminine, I curl up small when sitting and relax my posture. Is this what it feels like to be genderfluid?

I also have chronic pain so I don't often feel connected to my body. Is that why the gender feels come and go? Would I be more aware of it if I didn't dissociate from the physical quite so much? Or is it truly a once every five year phase? I have no idea.

Is dropping back into a Batfam place - which is a very male-centred thing - a reason why I'm feeling like this now? Or is it because I've started lifting weights (to rehab a shoulder injury) and getting into some fitness stuff making me think more about the physical form? Because I've started looking into breast reduction surgery seriously again (and im willing to pay out of pocket if I have to)?

I don't know if any of this ties together. Most of the time I just feel like a brain in a meat suit and I don't particularly care what it's form is. It's strange to have gender feelings at all, but sometimes they show up, I guess. And like I said, I think the last time I had a dysphoric period was in 2017-2018, and it faded. Since then I've had some periods of feeling feminine, but usually no gender feels at all.

I like feeling like I understand things, so being so unsure about all this is maddening. But I guess I don't need to figure it all out. But I also feel like I can't talk to people in my real life about it until I DO have at least some of it figured out. I'm not out to anyone at all. And I needed a place to get some of this out.

#gender identity #gender issues #personal #gender dysphoria #closeted #i dunno y'all I'm sorry but i need to vent i guess

[prismadog]

guess who just finished the refined line-art for their Jimnoth au...that's right, it's me, I got the character concepts drawn. they're still uncolored (and they'll probably remain that way for a long time, but hey, I got them drawn at least)

I also plan at a later date to make some posts regarding the characters' backgrounds, not seriously long posts like this (hopefully), but kinda just the basics like their family or empire - there is SO much that's locked up in my brain that needs to be spilled.

there's several images below - the full height chart plus close-ups - and I'm going to include some details below each image. this is going to be a bit of a long post, but hope y'all enjoy!

[from left to right] row 1: Shrub, Katherine, Joel, Fwhip, Gem, Joey, Sausage row 2: Pixlriffs, Pearl, Scott, Xornoth, Jimmy, Lizzie

Shrub - 4'3" / 129.5 Katherine - 5'4" / 162.6 Joel - 5'8" / 172.7

Shrub

Shrub has many scars from her childhood because she grew up in the Nether in a crimson forest. she was raised as a farmer but knew a good deal about fighting because a close friend used to be a warrior.

the piercings she has on her ears are made of gold - gold keeps piglins calm, though her earrings wouldn't have been enough. before coming to the Overworld, she had gold bands on her wrists.

the mushroom hat and boots are just for aesthetics because of where she grew up [these may be colored like the crimson mushrooms later on]. the gnomes of her village had mushroom accessories to help them blend in with their surroundings.

she has a very distinct lack of breasts due to her being a part of a very androgynous, "sexless" race - they still have the concept of gender but they don't have the male/female sexes. this means that Shrub essentially has pecs instead of breasts, very muscled ones because she is a tiny strong boi who could bench press an average man

Katherine

Katherine is a faerie with cat features - it is very common for the faeries of the Overgrown to have features of some sort of animal.

she walks around barefoot because she likes the feel of the grass on her feet, but also because it makes her feel grounded - she will wear shoes on occasion, specifically when she's going to other empires

Katherine has several piercings, something that was influenced by her childhood friend Scott - some are silver and some are gold.

the bands she wears are engraved with blessings from her people - long life, love, good will, strength, and courage. this is a common type of gift from one faerie to another.

due to her cat-eyes, she can see very well in the dark, and she has exceptional hearing thanks to her large ears.

Joel

Joel is a very chill guy who wears light, but very detailed clothing - those of Mezalea live in a hot and humid area and believe it would be suicidal to wear heavy clothing (like the real King of Mezalea on the youtubes)

he doesn't care much about shoes because he likes the feel of the clay and moss on his feet - he will however wear shoes on occasion if he's traveling to any cold biome (ie Scott's empire).

the symbol of his people and his empire is the Mother Tree [design was inspired by the Celtic tree of life] and he wears it proudly - it was the Mother Tree who allowed Mezalea to blossom and it was also the Mother Tree that breathed life into Joel himself [more on this later in a future post]

he is a bit on the thicker side due not only to how bountiful the food is in Mezalea - their main food source is horse - but also because he works a lot with large, heavy blocks of clay and moves statues around near-daily. [not shown] his hands and clothes are often stained with clay because he likes to sculpt figures and statues.

Fwhip - 5'10" / 177.8 Gem - 5'11" / 180.3

Fwhip

Fwhip is a mischievous guy that wears quite a bit of clothing for not only aesthetic but also out of necessity because of his work in the labs - the scarf was made by his (and his siblings') mother when he was little.

he, like his twin Gem and his little brother Sausage, have some form of dragon features because while their mother was human, their father was not - however, for much of Fwhip's life, he only had the horns, the wings came later on when the Grimlands blessed him with power when Xornoth tried to corrupt the land.

Fwhip broke his right horn in a lab accident when he was a teen - he thinks it makes him look badass.

[not pictured] he has some scarring in multiple places - burns and cuts - from various incidents during his experiments.

Gem

Gem wears thicker clothing because the Crystal Cliffs can get quite cold - any hats she may wear all have holes made in them to allow room for her horns.

unlike her twin, Gem does not have wings, but instead she has a near-endless supply of magic, something that neither of her bothers naturally possess - this was a point of contention between them all in their younger years.

the moon and stars she wears represent her empire of the Crystal Cliffs

she carries around a Wither Rose that's been preserved with magic - it's something that she and her brothers share, though they have their roses in safe-keeping in their homes.

Joey - 5'11" / 180.3 Sausage - 6'0" / 182.9

Joey

Joey is an avian with multi-colored wings [not shown] - his family is the only one in the Maztec empire that is avian, everyone else is a cat-person.

he is also fairly light, not bird-light, but just much lighter than the average person due to being an avian.

he wears very little, very loose clothing because 1) it makes him look hot as fuck and 2) the jungle he resides in is hot as fuck

the bands and other jewelry are common-place in the Maztec empire, as well as tattoos - tattoos are seen as a sign of strength and beauty, strength because it takes a strong person to endure the tattooing process and beauty because they're just into that.

the symbol that adorns all of Joey's clothing represents everlasting life - something his people worship unconditionally. the other symbol that sometimes accompanies the symbol of immortality [the flame/heart thing on the sash] represents the Eternal Flame, the Heart of the Maztec empire.

Sausage

Sausage, like his siblings, has dragon horns, though his are much smaller than theirs' because he's several years younger than they are - the three hellions of the Wither Rose Alliance are a few years older than one would assume.

the scar on his face was given to him in a training accident when he was a child - he almost lost his eye but thanks to the clerics and mages in Mythland, they were able to heal his eye.

he's a bit heavier than his siblings because Mythland loves their feasts and festivals, also he has quite a bit of muscle from how hard he trains with a sword.

the symbols on his gloves are a sign of his contract with Xornoth - he gave up his soul to the demon just as the demon gave their soul to Exor.

Pixlriffs - 6'0" / 182.9 Pearl - 6'4" / 193.0

Pixlriffs

Pixlriffs looks older than the other rulers, but that doesn't mean he's the oldest by any means, or does it? he plays the role of father to not only Pixandria but also his family/alliance members - Joel, Lizzie, and Jimmy.

he has lightning markings from his right hand down to his left foot - these aren't scars or tattoos but actually a blessing from the thunder gods marking him as their Champion. he is also blessed by the Goddess of Death and is Her prophet, though, he doesn't have any markings to represent that, not that he needs any. She instead gives him visions and a deep connection with the Vigil.

the clothing of Pixandria is simple, lightweight, and usually colored in neutral tones, specifically in the range of white to sand-colored. the designs are embroidered by hand and many include the symbol of Pixandria - the Death's-head Hawkmoth.

each of the charms and symbols on his clothing, minus the star on his headpiece and the copper symbol on his bands, are designs taken from the Death's-head Hawkmoth itself.

[extra fact] as well as beekeeping, Pixandria is home to Death's-head Hawkmoths and vultures, and both are seen as sacred creatures.

Pearlescent Moon

Pearl was originally a scarecrow built from cloth and straw, made by a lonely farmer who wanted to protect his crops. she spent many years protecting his fields and wished desperately to return the love the farmer had shown her through his tributes and gifts - the most extravagant being a simple pearl that he fashioned into a necklace.

the God of the Sun and of Life, granted her wish and she became the Guardian of the Harvest. from then on she watched over the farmer's fields, and later the fields of anyone who settled nearby. the people gave her the title "Queen" because they saw her as the protector and ruler of Guilded Hilanthia.

she has large golden wings that grew over time due to the magic in the land and the blessings of the Harvest. they, like the rest of her, are speckled from being under the sun for countless hours.

her clothes are very simple and light for ease of movement, whether she's strolling through the fields or protecting her lands and people from danger.

her symbols are the moon for the pearl around her neck, and sunflowers for her loyalty to her people and because it symbolizes the harvest.

Scott - 6'9" / 205.7 Xornoth - 6'9" / 205.7

Scott

Scott is an elf with large snowy owl wings, something that is fairly common in his family - there are other elves that have wings but they are the minority. unlike Joey, he is not an avian, he's just a winged elf.

the symmetrical golden antlers are a blessing from Aeor and mark Scott as His Champion.

beauty and fashion are very important to the elves of Rivendell and many will wear as much jewelry as they can. Scott is no exception - he has multiple piercings with glittering diamond charms, and to match his earrings, he had charms and jewelry crafted for his antlers.

the clothing of Rivendell is thick and trimmed in fur because while the elves are a hardy people, they can still get cold from living high up in the mountains. for most outfits, there are symbols of Aeor and Rivendell stitched into the clothing.

Scott, while being on the thinner side, is actually quite toned beneath the layers of warm clothing - he needs to be in order to support his large wings and fly with them.

Xornoth

Xornoth is currently a demon, though, they once were an elf just like their younger twin Scott. and like their brother, they once had snowy owl wings, but those were stolen by the God Exor - [not shown] there are ragged scars on Xornoth's back where their wings used to be.

Exor also blessed Xornoth with their own set of antlers, though unlike Scott's, their antlers are twisted and covered in thorn-like spines. after they were blessed by the dark god and became His Champion, their body twisted as well and transformed into that of a demon.

they have several piercings, a product of their previous life as an elf of Rivendell, though the jewelry they wear is far from fancy - it's just simple silver and gold. the bands they wear are engraved with their contract to Exor. the rings on their fingers are the only thing they kept after becoming Champion - the one on their left index finger is actually a gift from their brother.

Xornoth has many scars due to the hundreds of years they spent in exile in the Nether. they literally fought to survive, but was eventually able to become a force to be reckoned with that no resident of the Nether wanted to fight, save of course, for Shrub who's village was terrorized by the demon.

there's not many options to get new clothes so they wear a simple, stitched together skirt that they made with their own hands, not that they really care that much anymore about modesty. [I didn't wanna draw demon dick, hence, skirt]

Jimmy - 7'4" / 223.5 Lizzie - 8'0" / 243.8

Jimmy

Jimmy is one of two eggs remaining from a batch of hundreds - their parent was a mighty eldritch beast blessed by the Deity that ruled over the Ocean and the singular batch of eggs was a sign of their bond. sadly, the war between the gods Aeor and Exor killed their eldritch parent and crushed their seablings' eggs. he was raised by his elder sister, Lizzie, who hatched several years before he did.

[not shown] his hair is colored yellow to better fit in with the cod people but his actual hair color is a soft pink (much like Lizzie's minecraft skin), which goes well with the pearlescent pink scales that cover his body.

like his sister, he has quite a few scars gathered over the years from fights against the salmon, the worst one being the spiderweb scar over his left eye. this scar was one of the first he got, during the first salmon war when he was still a child, and because of it, he is actually blind in his left eye.

he's fairly muscular because swimming around in the ocean for hundreds, if not thousands, of years can really build up a person's body. though, he does actually have a bit of fat because the ocean is also a very cold place and fat is a natural defense against the cold.

his outfit is simple and lightweight, and fairly loose because he has the ability to transform his legs into a tail. he also has the ability to change his size, though it really only happens when he takes on his merfolk form [more on this in a future post]. he wears rain boots because 1) he thinks they're fashionable, 2) they're easy to take on and off, and 3) he lives in a swamp. as for his leggings, those were specially made for him and are designed to represent the Cod Empire.

he doesn't wear many accessories but what he does wear mean a lot to him - the cloth bracelet is stitched with symbols of his family/alliance - Lizzie, Joel, and Pixlriffs. the pins on his top and the buckle on his belt are gifts from the cod people, and the gold circlet on his head is a sign of his being the Cod Empire's ruler. the circlet is a direct replacement after the cod mask and helmet were stolen from him.

Lizzie

Lizzie is the eldest of the two remaining eggs from their parents, and has deemed herself Jimmy's guardian and caretaker - she did raise him from a hatchling afterall. she is actually the healthier of the two because during the destruction of the batch of eggs, Jimmy's was damaged and her's was not.

[not shown] her hair is sort of two-toned where soft pink gradiates into a soft blue. the scales that cover her skin are a pearlescent blue instead of pink like her brother's.

she's covered in scars from all the many years that she's lived in the oceans and fought off any dangers that would threaten her or her brother - the dangers in question are mostly from battles with the salmon that terrorize the ocean, but also fisherman and pirates.

because she's a merfolk, she doesn't have breasts like a human female would - there's no need for breasts, nor nipples to that extent, because merfolk hatch from eggs. she does, however, have what is essentially a nice set of pecs because she's very strong and gets quite the workout from swimming around the ocean.

her outfit is very loose and quite revealing because she, like many merfolk, doesn't really care much about being modest - they usually have tails anyway instead of legs so there's not really anything to hide. she really only wears shoes when she visits other empires, specifically those with more extreme biomes, ie, Rivendell, Pixandria, the Maztec empire, etc.

she doesn't wear much for jewelry but she does have a few pins - an axolotl and one from the Cod Empire. she also likes the fishing lures that she finds in the ocean - the hooks on the lures are filed down to a point where they're no longer dangerous. she does, however, have one main accessory that she cherishes and that's the cloth bracelet stitched with the symbols of her family/alliance - Jimmy, Joel, and Pixlriffs.

#empires smp fanfiction #jimnoth au #to love my enemy au #jimnoth character concepts lineart #prismadog art #this has been several months in the making due to lack of energy and getting obsessed with vault hunters #I'm actually really proud of finally finishing the lineart for the character concepts - now all I have to do is color them! #haha that's not gonna happen for awhile cause I need a break from this #I might work on some other artwork or start working on the rewrite for to love my enemy - I'm feeling in the mood to write

[the-winter-jedi]

I need to put this somewhere I can organize my thoughts.

In about a month, I'm getting ready to start my HRT journey. This is something I've been mulling over for the past 11 years. When I was 18, that's when I first really started to question my gender identity. At first, I wondered if I was transgender because I never quite felt like a "girl." This was well before I had the vocabulary and understanding of gender as a spectrum. After some self reflection, I didn't quite feel "truly" trans because I had no desire to completely become a man. I've always been fond of my feminine body and have no desire to physically alter it, save for starting hormones.

Looking back on my past, experimenting with my different gender roles started as young as kindergarten for me. I'd always want to play the chivalrous prince or other male-centric roles, but I also loved being the cute, girly princess. Age 12 was when I really started to experiment with my gender presentation, but I never felt like I could be (birth name) and be a boy at the same time. So, my solution was to create an "alter ego" and call him Scotty (thanks to watching EuroTrip at the time lol). Before I fully developed and went through puberty, it was so much easier to be androgynous and gender fluid, but growing up in a small town, I didn't have the vocabulary or the knowledge to understand what I was going through at the time. Keep in mind, this was also between 2005-2011 when gender identity wasn't widely talked about either.

Throughout my late teens and early 20s, I discovered genderfluid as an identity. Around age 24 or 25 was when I started to give up trying to look masculine, because I never felt like I could "pass" and trying to look masculine caused me to feel more body dysmorphia than the gender euphoria that I craved. So, for a while, I started presenting more hyper feminine, and only occasionally playing around with a masculine-type presentation if I was really in a mood on any given day, but I would never go out in public, unless it was in a queer space. Even then, I always felt insecure about being perceived as a "butch lesbian" rather than genderfluid.

Around May or June of this year, it dawned on me that I very well might be agender. This idea came to me when my roommate asked me what gender I felt like when we were dressing up for an event. My only response was "no" as I laughed it off. However, now that the ball is finally rolling for me to start HRT, I'm wondering if I might start leaning more towards being genderfluid again if my meatsuit can match the way I feel inside. Part of me wonders if I would feel more comfortable in my femininity if I had at least the option to present more masculine when I want to. In addition to HRT, I'm also looking into getting a good quality binder from For Them (forthem.com) once I get some spending money.

I've always had an attraction to femboys, not as a fetish like a lot of people seem to have on this site, but more out of body envy. From age 18, I found myself wanting to look like a twink and dress girly if I want to. However, being assigned female at birth, all people see is a cis woman, and not a femboy. It also doesn't help that I have an hourglass figure complete with 36DD breasts and an ass like a peach. With this kind of body that I have, I also turn to weight lifting and bodybuilding as a hobby, because if I'm going to be perceived as a girl, I may as well be a muscle girl because a lot of people do perceive them as masculine. Hopefully once I start T, I can actually start building the kind of masculine body that I want rather than building up the feminine body that I have.

It feels better to get everything out in the open like this. Hopefully things will start coming together in a month once I get my antidepressants stabilized and start on my hormones. I have an appointment with my doctor to talk about it soon and it was a huge relief to know that she has extensive experience treating transgender and gender non-conforming patients. Wish me luck!

#transgender #non binary #gender noncomformity #they/them #fae/faer #gender dysphoria blues

[willowlillysunnyday]

Gender and I: It’s Pretty Rad

When I got up this morning, I couldn’t decide what to wear. I sat on my bed for 10 minutes staring at all the clothes I own but nothing stood out. I grew frustrated. What did I want to be today? How did I want to be perceived?

With most of our lives suspended within lockdown and restrictions, I’d heard more and more stories and discussions on introspection and identity. Some may feel dissatisfaction; with life, with their careers, friends and/or relationships. Others have discovered illnesses and disorders that they hadn’t been fully aware of before. Many are coming to terms with their sense of identity and I, too, had succumbed to Lockdown Introspection – especially with regards to my gender identity.

In truth, I’m still figuring it out, because if I think about it too long, my brain starts to hurt (thanks heteronormativity). But I had found myself in between wanting and not-wanting to be a ‘girl’. When I say ‘girl’, I mean the expectations of being a girl, the harassment, the oppression, the “when am I going to see my grandkids?” and the “you’ve got hips for birthing.” And yet I like to ‘dress feminine,’ I love make-up, and looking pretty and/or desirable (which aren’t inherently gendered but sadly have become so). You could argue that this is just feminism and the advocacy of dismantling gender roles, and I would agree with you, but I also feel a pull toward the androgyne.

It’s because of this pull that I’d started seeing myself through a scrutinised lens; what parts of me are of one gender, and what parts are of another? I’m soft but angular, curvy on the bottom but boxy on the top, small but big. In my natural form, I drift between what we’ve constructed as girly and what we’ve constructed as manly. It’s hateful to think but did anyone doubt the gender that I used to perform? That I sometimes still perform now?

I have a growing interest in fashion, and specifically queer fashion which incorporates several things: layering, colour, androgyny, exaggeration, operating outside the norm. One day I may walk out the door wearing platform sneakers, frilly socks, a pinafore and billowy shirt, and earrings crafted from small resin ducks. The next day I may step out clothed in the baggiest sweats, crop top, flame necklace and my ever-faithful chunky boots. One day I would like to cross-dress in the most masculine way possible. I would like to have the bravery to do so.

During lockdown, I had chosen ‘genderqueer’ as an identifier for myself as, once again, I both wanted and not-wanted to be a girl. But over the past year, I’d realised that I wanted gender identifiers taken off myself all together. I know that’ll never happen in real life but since spending lockdown in isolation, I’ve begun seeing my gender less as an integral part of my identity, but as the infamous performance Judith Butler presented all those years ago. I am conscious my gender is a performance. I’m the egoistic actor lounging in the green room with rollers in their hair and a cigarette between their lips. I’m the ancient witch that haunts the mystic woods looking for children to eat. I am the kumiho that lures men to their deaths. I am the hoodied student cooking beans in the microwave at 4am. I am the Victorian street urchin that sells you hot gossip for a tuppence.

I see genders more as concepts than rules to follow. Who do I wanna be today? What is my goal? What do I feel comfortable in? I realised even more recently that I even suffer from gender dysphoria to a degree. Assigned female at birth, I would become a sexual object as soon as I hit puberty, perhaps even earlier horrifyingly. I feel disgusted with the body that I’m in; that I have hips, that I have breasts, that men see a person with long blonde hair and automatically see a conquest. It makes me feel gross it makes me feel disgusting but would I like to present male? I don’t know; I don’t think so. Again, I like my blonde hair, I like wearing dresses, I like wearing make-up. Recently, I’ve been asking my close friends to refer to me with traditionally male terms; ‘sir,’ ‘dude,’ ‘king.’ It’s been comforting.

I’m still on this journey of figuring myself out. (Is anyone perfectly happy with themselves?) I realised that as long as I’m happy, everything will be okay. I am just a person, I like being a person, it’s pretty rad.

#sunny speaks #non-binary #LGBT #informal essay #article #gender theory #judith butler #gender queer

[kayesfanfics]

If you are accepting requests for x-men 97, can I have a scenario or headcannon with Nightcrawler, Morph and Magneto with male or gn S/O which is like Testament from Guilty Gear? they have the power to control their own blood, make weapons, etc, but what is really the focus of attention is the fact that they have an extremely androgynous, feminine appearance, they wear dresses, heels and tight outfits with an hourglass figure but flat breasts, but he almost never speaks so it's easy to confuse him with a woman and they act like one too and a very got aesthetic, and when they finally speak for the first time it's a much more masculine and elegant voice, bonus if the first thing he says is Jessica Rabbit or Morticia. Thank you for your attetion and drink water. <3

Requests are closed for right now! And I’m not sure what Guilty Gear is, but that character sounds so hot omg-

[strawberrycalypso]

Somelian Gods, Part One: Aetris

Aetris is the first and foremost of all Somelian gods. They are believed to control fire and the patterns and movements of the Sun, and they are often associated with Bearded Dragons and Razorback Wyverns. As for his physical appearance, Aetris is often depicted as a tall, androgynous figure with a mix of "male" and "female" traits (i.e., "feminine" hips but no breasts, a "masculine" jawline but more "feminine" facial features, etc. There is a bit of variation throughout history). Her hair is typically long, coming down to just below where her ribs would be, and is often depicted as being a mix of white and glowing gold. Most murals and drawings show them wearing long, flowing robes that glow with a golden light like the Sun itself does. The robes always scrape across whatever ground he's walking on.

#somelia #fantasy #fantasyworld #someliangods #aetris #i told you they were hot (literally)

[aramaura]

You know I came out in high school as asexual. I think it was my senior year 2008. I remember everyone asking me and my women's studies class what does that mean? You aren't attracted to anything? And I'm just like yeah I don't feel sexual attraction towards anything at all. But coming out as asexual was a lot easier than trying to figure out what the f*** my goddamn gender was.

You see, since I was a kid I was always laser focused on male characters. One of the biggest flags was that I was obsessed with being Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke! My father told me that he thought I was a boy trapped in a girl's body. (Mother did not like this and wanted me to look like a girl.) I dressed in a combination of boys and girls clothes growing up, and my wardrobe continues to have this weird amalgamation even to this day.

Back then, my best friend, a little boy who was about 3 years younger than me, and I would always play pretend or with dolls. He was obsessed with being the girls on the shows. And I was obsessed with being the boys. There were many examples. I was Link, he was Zelda. I was Li, and he was Sakura. I was Tenchi, he was Ayeka. I was Heero Yuy or Domon Kaashu, and he was Princess Relena or Rayne. The list went on. The only change was in Sailor Moon. I was fascinated with Sailor Uranus... Both a girl and a guy? I also found out about Sailor Star Fighter, Sailor Star Maker, and Sailor Star Healer. Legit, boys that could transform into girls and back? It felt closer to home. I still want to look like Ashitaka though.

So to this day, I'm confused A.F. about my gender. I'm not particularly attached to being male or female. I refer to myself as Mx. I've essentially resigned myself to considering myself agender. I still feel more comfortable in men's clothes, but I have relaxed on my hatred of women's clothes and I'm allowing myself to wear a skirt sometimes. I think I had internalized misogyny. That and lingering resentment over being forced to look like a girl. (Mother and I always argued over my hair length.)

Then, mom passed away last July. I miss her so much. I love her no matter our disagreements over my gender. But I thought that when she passed away I would be more open with my gender identity. I wasn't. I remained stagnant. I was in mourning.

Earlier this year, January 7th, 2022, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Now, I'm bald. What hair length? I am going to need to have surgery to remove my breasts. I was talking about this for years, but I wasn't really going to go through with it because elective surgery = expensive a.f. But now it's a necessity. I'm that much closer to looking more androgynous.

And so here's the thing. It was sudden. All at once I suddenly have no hair, I'm slated to lose my breasts after chemo ends, and I feel like it's moving so fast. I know I don't want bottom surgery, I don't want T, but I do want to look androgynous. What does this make me? Am I trans? Am I enby? I don't know. Does my feeling of moving too fast make me less of a member of the LGBT community?

TL;DR?

Asexual, confused, possibly Agender person just wants some advice. And maybe a hug.

#transgender #confused #asexual #advice please #im a grown adult #why am i still confused about my gender? #agender #gender fluid #gender neutral

[fagrackham]

obsessed w the conjoined polyamory of the lovers card in the tarot del fuego

#HE’S SO JUICY GIRLIES IM OBSESSED #it’s just like. the way he plays w elemental correspondences is so yummy bc like ive been thinking abt what the elements mean to me #like i was thinking abt how why tf is water west when i live on the east coast and thus the nearest and most impactful bodies of water are #to the east #and he has cups that blossom with flora!!! its like still a generative creative force but it creates earth instead of water #its like feminine without being super essentialist and gross #like even the ace of cups which depicts a breast filling a cup with milk is like. its neutral? and many of the figures w beards also have #breasts or the male figures are androgynous #its so juicy yall #tarot #my post