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kaladinkholins · 4 months

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mizutaigen is literally like. the first "toxic" m/f ship i've ever cared for. cuz like usually my taste in m/f ships is basically "unhinged baddie" x "badass wifeguy" *

* (see:yen/geralt. trevor/sypha. adolin/shallan. kataang but katara is sane and they're literally so wholesome like theyre traumatised kids in love who are each other's emblem of hope in a war-torn world! so basically they don't count. anyway. i'm rambling.)

and to that end my friend called mizutaigen yaoi-adjacent and im like. yeah you're right actually cuz like hell yeah non-binary mizu and bisexual taigen rights and all the gender fuckery in the show in general

but also like.

theres just SOMETHING else about mizutaigen that just GETS me. like there's a special secret sauce like the pheromones in that one sephora lotion attracting spiders and i am the silly spider!!! there's just something about it!!! it's not even the enemies to lovers trope cuz i personally am not even usually into that (obv it's fine if you are. but yk.)

so as i keep rotating these thoughts around i thiiink it's the fact that, yknow, theyre so similar. like i honestly truly think they could be besties in another universe: a kinder universe where taigen was not taught to hate. a universe where mizu was not born a girl in a deeply misogynistic society or half-white in a xenophobic homogeneous society.

yeah now that i think about it that really just might be THE secret sauce!!! like the fact that they COULD be perfect and happy together, if only things were different, if only they werent themselves.

smth v bittersweet about that's just driving me insane and makes me want to root for them to overcome all those obstacles, to say "fuck all that" (re:the world and all its fucked up shit) and find each other in the end. to eventually become each other's fav person and confidant. who obv still bicker and tease and insult each other all the time but they dont really mean any of it and over time it just becomes a running gag between them and no one else has to get it because it's just between the two of them.

#mizu x taigen #taigen x mizu #taimizu #[clenches fist] it's about the POTENTIAL of it all!!!!!#like taigen's last words in s1 being 'we're not done yet' like ?!? has me WANTING to see more. wanting to see them grow with each other #like i want taigen by the end to be ridiculously head over heels WHIPPED and SMITTEN willing to die and kill and just be BETTER. for mizu.#mizu. the person who changed his entire life. his entire worldview. pulled the rug from under him and made him a man forever changed.#to overcome his selfishness so he can be mizu's HOME in a world that doesn't allow her one #i want him to end up deciding like. 'on purpose. im going to love you on purpose.'#and mizu no matter how much she tries to convince herself that she cannot love or be loved. ends up accepting it anyway #love as work and violence but also love as rest and safety #and also bcs taigen represents the ideals of society. him willing to change & grow also represents society's potential to change & progress #LMAO okay sorry i absolutely cannot stop rambling about these bitches the brainworms are insane #bcs i just noticed that other mizutaigen enjoyers tend to also be in the same fandom circles for ships that i just. do not like. at all #and wondered like huh. i wonder why that is. and wondering what makes mizutaigen different #idk just ignore me i dont even know if im making sense my brain is goop from working on my research proposal #shut up haydar #fandom.rtf

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blamemma · 9 months

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27 👀

inspired by a conversation with @blacklaces, nsfw, 1.4k, max/daniel, feminisation (daniel in lingerie) 😳

Max keeps his hands clasped, across his lap, beige shorts against stark white thighs as he waits. Avoids looking down at the weighted Tag Heuer on his wrist to determine exactly how much time he's been waiting. He shuffles downwards a little against the headboard of the bed, getting comfortable.

They've only just landed. Their own little private Italian island for two weeks. A reprieve over the summer just for them. But instead of feeling relaxed, instead of running his fingers delicately over Daniel's shoulders as he lathers sun cream onto him, Max feels irritable, angsty. Daniel had hustled the staff away from their villa quickly, pushed Max onto the bed with a chaste kiss and then vanished into the bathroom, a muffled "Stay here," spoken into Max's lips. Max had barely any time to protest, pull Daniel in closer, before he heard the click of the bathroom lock.

If he listens closely, pushes the sound of the waves crashing against the shore out of his ears, or the distant calls of bird cry, he can hear the pads of Daniel's feet moving across the bathroom. He can hear him grumbling at something, a short swear word thrown in, Daniel's voice agitated through the dark wood door. Max thinks he can hear Daniel say, "Alright, you got this DR." but that is something he's ever heard his Daniel say, Daniel's self-confidence always enough for him to push through whatever doubt he's having.

He distinctively hears the latch of the bathroom lock come undone and then Daniel's voice, loud but jittery through the wood say, "Close your eyes baby."

"Okay," Max responds, screwing his eyes shut, and he waits more.

This time, he feels the dip in the four-poster bed as Daniel climbs up onto the bottom of it. Max hears the rustle of the sheets, the way the fabric moves under him as Daniel gets settled, and his heart aches a little, desperate to reach out and touch Daniel as he hears him let out a shaky breath.

"Okay Maxy, open them up."

The blinding afternoon light shining in through the balcony doors forces Max to blink rapidly, adjusting to the sun lit room, but he's desperate to stop, because the glimpse of Daniel he's already had his him salivating, keening for even a second more.

At the bottom of the bed, Daniel kneels, feet tucked delicately behind him, hands outstretched on his palms, upper body covered by the sheerest baby-blue teddy, soft-pink lace trim all across the edges. It covers the barest inch of thigh, just about touches the tip of Daniel's ship tattoo. Max can just make out through the sheer fabric a similarly coloured pair of underwear underneath, Daniel's dick clearly visible, the veins shining starkly through the baby blue.

The mesh material accentuates all of Daniel's features; his Adonis belt shines through, the cut of the chest area accentuating his shoulders and neck. Max wants to keep him like this forever, his pretty little boy, all dressed up, waiting for him.

"Daniel," Max lets out breathless, moving forward towards him.

"A present. For You." Daniel responds. "Ten wins baby, eight in a row."

Max crawls forward, a look of worship on his face, and gently caresses Daniel's face in his hands, before bringing him closer.

He brushes his lips delicately against Daniel's, the softest of touches, a similar touch against his cheek, and then moves his lips to his ear, whispering, "You look beautiful."

He leans back once more, drinks Daniel in, watches as goosebumps litter his skin at the praise, tries and tries and tries to commit the sight to memory, because they both know, as soon as Max gets his hands on Daniel, the delicate lingerie won't survive.

He kisses Daniel's neck, kisses over the pearl necklace adorning his neck, covering it in spit, lathes over the crease of his armpit. Taking the silk fabric into his mouth, he kisses over Daniel's nipples, getting drunk on the high, keening noises Daniel lets out.

"Max," Daniel begs, and Max moves away.

"You are my present," Max reminds him. "I can do what I want with you."

Daniel shuffles where he's sat, Max's domineering tone reminding him of his place, before he straightens up again, presenting himself to Max once more.

"Where is your camera Daniel?" Max asks, his fingertips delicately caressing along the length of Daniel's thigh, soft hair tickling him, teasing.

"In my bag." Daniel gestures with a jerk of his head towards the black and blue Gucci he'd discarded on the back of a chair when they'd entered the room.

Max kisses him again, cradles Daniel's face in his hands, runs his tongue across the crease of Daniel's lips, running his thumbs lovingly across his cheeks before leaving the bed.

It's perched neatly at the top, shrouded by a thick jumper Daniel hadn't needed once they'd touched down in the scorching Italian sun. Max fumbles out of his t-shirt, forces his shorts of his body, and heads back towards Daniel, camera grasped in his hands.

He presses the front of his body to Daniel's back, feels him take a sharp intake of break at the intrusion. Max runs his free hand over the front of Daniel's body, runs his finger over one of the straps, pulls at it and lets it snap back onto Daniel's skin, rucks up the rest of expensive fabric in his hand, feeling the expanse of Daniel's chest underneath him.

"Did you order this just for me?" He whispers into Daniel ears. "Did you try it on back at home, make sure it fit you properly, made you look all pretty of course?"

"Yes," Daniel replies. "Yes to all of them. Tried it on when you and Brad were out on a run."

Max feels dizzy at the thought, of Daniel in their apartment, opening the small package he would've been sent, trying the little teddy on whilst Brad was forcing him around the coast of Monaco. Max could have been there, with him. Max could have come home. Brad could have seen.

"The suspenders wouldn't fit round my thighs." Daniel confesses after a beat of silence from Max, a meekness to his voice Max wants to make disappear instantly.

"They look beautiful and strong without them." Max remarks, towering over Daniel and grasping them both in his hands. He kisses the crown of Daniel's head before moving back onto the bed, sitting directly opposite Daniel again.

His dick is achingly hard between his thighs, Daniel's barely touched him, barely done anything, but the sheer sight of him before Max has him yearning. He strokes it quickly, taking the edge off, keeps his gaze locked on Daniel whilst he does it, lets his eyes slowly drop down to where Daniel's own dick is, leaking pre-come and staining his panties.

"This okay?" Max asks as he turns the camera on, just as adept at using it as Daniel is now, a shared possession between them like most things are.

"Always," Daniel responds, a bright smile directed at Max.

"Good," Max responds, before he starts eagerly taking pictures, every angle of Daniel needed so that they can both look back on them later, lay next to each other after a long qualifying session and jerk each other off over them.

"Lay down for me?" Max requests, patting the pillows placed just behind him. Daniel moves instantly, brushing past Max and flopping his body down onto the mattress.

The teddy billows up with Daniel's movement, and then settles around him all misshapen, rising up on his pelvis, so that the mesh underwear is fully on show now, the tip of Daniel's hard dick pushing through the top of the waistband.

Max leans over, kisses the tip of it softly, before sucking the tangy taste of Daniel and pre-come filling his mouth, drawing back just as quickly.

"Max, please," Daniel begs again, more drawn out and high this time. "Anything--please."

“Hm, but I think I like having you spread out like this. Such a gorgeous sight.”

He takes more pictures, Daniel's long curls framing his face perfectly, his face turned against the pillows as he squirms, the long shape of him picture perfect.

"Pretty boys like you deserve a reward I think," Max teases, and he shuffles downwards, ripping Daniel's underwear apart with his hands, diving forward quickly and taking the whole of Daniel in his mouth. Daniel's hips jerk upwards suddenly, a loud moan erupting from his throat also, and as Max gives in to the pleasure of it all, he's enormously grateful that they're alone on this island.

#we're fighting the smut block one by one lads #little bits and pieces #abrupt ending cause brain has stopped #that is my truth and if i dont just click publish now i never will xxxxxxxxxx #i really hate the pacing of this but we'll work on it #anyway #dr #mv #maxiel #my writing

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amethystina · 1 month

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Hello, I hope you're doing better.

I just wanted to tell you that since I read the latest chapter of Who Holds The Devil you have revived in me some ideas and scenarios I had in mind about the show.

Like what if everything worked out for Yohan's plans after episode 12 (when Gaon left Yohan and Elijah) without K or Soohyun dying? What would happen then?

Yohan will definitely leave after some point to Switzerland with Elijah because he already planned it for her treatment, even if he is not a criminal in Korea or presumed dead. But how long will it take him to leave?

And what will Gaon do? Will he start dating Soohyun or keep whatever they have between them as it is? If he dates her, will they work out or realise they were better together as friends and family but nothing more? ( I personally believe that when they start dating at the beginning, everything will seem perfect. But as time goes on, they will realise that it won't work out between them as they took a very long time to get to this point, and that it was too late.)

Will Gaon stay in contact with Elijah? (Maybe.) Or Yohan? ( I doubt it.)

Will Gaon miss them? Will he ever realise that Yohan loved him or that he had some kind of feelings for Yohan?

Basically, what would've happened if all the baggage from the last episodes never occurred. After the rejection on Gaon's part in episode 12, I believe Yohan will want to stay away from Gaon but I could be wrong.

The latest chapter reminded me of all these ideas and questions I had, but now we have a lot more baggage and issues to work through which makes me even more excited to explore what will happen next.

I trust your storytelling abilities as they have not once failed me for all this time I was following this fic.

Take care of your self, and when you feel better come back with a new amazing chapter as always.

I'm doing better, thank you 💜

Wow. Yeah, that's a lot of thoughts! And very interesting ones! And I think some of it depends on exactly how Yo Han decides to finish his plans. Like, killing people on national television would still make him a criminal, so I'm guessing that's not what he does? But he still gets his revenge somehow?

But yeah, he'd definitely still go to Switzerland since that has clearly been a part of his plan for years. And I think he'd actually go as soon as possible. Maybe he'd give Elijah time to say goodbye to Ga On, but that depends on what terms he and Ga On are, I'd say. If we assume that none of the baggage happened (including Soo Hyun dying, Ga On attempting to murder Yo Han, etc.) I think that Yo Han would keep his distance from Ga On, yes. Out of sheer pride and self-preservation, if nothing else. And Ga On has Soo Hyun so he wouldn't seek Yo Han out, since he knows that Soo Hyun doesn't like Yo Han and he wouldn't want to upset her.

So, sadly enough, I think Yo Han and Ga On would drift apart. Maybe they'd still cooperate somehow to take down the baddies, but, as horrible as it may sound, Soo Hyun's death actually brought them closer together. Even Ga On trying to kill Yo Han did in some ways since, from that point on, they're forever tied together what with Yo Han carrying the scar Ga On gave him. And without that? With Soo Hyun there to plead with Ga On not to do something dangerous? Ga On wouldn't chase after Yo Han. And Yo Han wouldn't chase after Ga On since he's already been rejected and is too prideful.

So I think that Yo Han would leave for Switzerland with Elijah and Ga On would stay in touch with her, yes, but not Yo Han. Maybe he'd try a couple of times, but Yo Han wouldn't respond. And, eventually, Ga On will stop trying because who is Yo Han to him anyway? Just his weird boss who he lived with for a while — and kind of wanted to take care of because he seemed so lonely — who was also a terrible influence on him. So, clearly, it might be for the better that they don't talk anymore.

(You keep telling yourself that, Ga On)

As for Ga On and Soo Hyun, I think they would start dating, yes, and I think they'd be pretty happy there at the beginning. If in a pretty boring and uneventful way. Like, there's not really much passion between them, is there? But they'd be content. It'd be safe and sweet.

I'm not sure if they'd notice that there's something wrong, though. I think that both of them have been waiting for this for so long that they'd be determined to make it work, even if that means ignoring the warning signs. I honestly think they'd both pretend everything was fine long after the point where it's not. And that both of them would silence the niggling doubts by saying that this is just how all relationships are — there will be dips. Nothing is perfect all the time. And it's not like they're arguing or anything.

It's just a little dull, that's all.

In short, I think they'd be stuck. Not in a way that makes them genuinely unhappy, but they certainly wouldn't be honest with themselves or each other, either. Which isn't the worst way to live, but it's also not the best one.

And I think that Ga On would miss Elijah and Yo Han, yes, though he wouldn't be honest about why he does. He'd just say it's because he cares about them and it's sad that he can't talk to them as often — or at all, in Yo Han's case. And, in a similar vein, I don't think Ga On would try to explore his feelings for Yo Han, or Yo Han's feelings for him. Because Ga On would be able to tell that danger lies in that direction and he'd rather remain in denial.

But he would think about Yo Han a lot. And probably do a doubletake every time they mention Yo Han or show his picture in the media. And he'd ask Elijah about how Yo Han is doing. He'd find himself cooking Yo Han's favourite food, even if he's not there to eat it. He'd miss the house. He'd miss the quiet nights reading.

He'd still wear the watch.

And all that longing would only make Ga On double down and be even more determined to make things work with Soo Hyun. Because the alternative is just too scary. He doesn't want there to be another explanation as to why he misses Yo Han. He wants his safe and happy life with Soo Hyun.

Everything else is shoved aside, pushed down, and ignored.

And, eventually, I think Soo Hyun would notice that something is wrong. But she doesn't know what and, even if she kind of hates herself for it, she's too afraid of the answer to ask. Because she doesn't want to lose Ga On and, deep down, she can tell that he is slipping away from her, slowly but surely. Just from the fact that his smiles are a little too hollow sometimes, and he's often staring off into space, lost in thought. So she tries her best to help him, as always, but, for some reason, it doesn't seem to work as well as it usually would.

But of course it'd eventually come crumbling down. And — since I'm a dramatic bitch — I suggest it'll do so when Yo Han and Elijah eventually drop by for a visit (mostly Elijah's doing, of course, with Yo Han reluctantly agreeing). More specifically the moment when Ga On comes face to face with Yo Han again for the first time in months — maybe even a year? — and everything he's been trying to suppress rushes to the surface and hits him like a freight train.

Because he's been living comfortably with Soo Hyun, sure, and he loves her dearly, but there's not much of a spark. But the one he had with Yo Han? That's been just a softly glowing ember since they parted ways?

Turns out that seeing Yo Han again — and being faced with all that intensity and enticing hint of danger once more — is all it takes to ignite it again. To turn it into a wildfire.

All of a sudden, Ga On is reminded of what real attraction feels like.

And the fact that it's not aimed at his girlfriend is definitely going to be a bit of a problem.

... aaaaaand maybe I should stop now. Because I'm not sure if you actually wanted me to answer what I think x'D

Anyway! Yes, very interesting things to ponder! And I think there are several ways to go, depending on what angle one wants to take and what happened during those last episodes. Like, if Yo Han and Ga On reconciled after their breakup, I think some parts would obviously play out differently. But, if they didn't? I'd go with something like what I said above.

But, again, that depends entirely on what you want to accomplish. Trust me when I say that there are always ways to tweak what happens to your liking but still make it feel in character and realistic. I'm somewhat of an expert on that, I've been told xD

Thank you so much for sharing, anyway! It was a very fun thought experiment! And I do hope to be able to get back to writing sometime soon. I'm actually feeling better than I have in a long time, but I think I'm going to make a separate post about that. We'll see.

I hope you have a great day! Take care 💜

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #The Devil Judge #For real though #I don't need much to get going #I got this ask 23 hours ago according to Tumblr #And I'm not lying when I say that I already have a vague outline for a possible story #That starts around the point where Yo Han and Elijah return to Korea #Mainly focused on how Ga On will have to navigate the extremely gay feelings he suddenly has for Yo Han #While also coming to terms with the ones he DOESN'T have for Soo Hyun #My brain works fast and doesn't stop for anyone #Not even me #My favourite scene is one after Ga On has put on his big-boy pants and actually broken up with Soo Hyun #And has no idea how to say that to Yo Han in a natural way #(because he's secretly hoping that Yo Han will be interested in him now but he can't just SAY that)#And eventually just ends up blurting it out without any context whatsoever #And Yo Han just looks at him #And with an INCREDIBLY deadpan voice goes: 'My condolences?'#Because Yo Han is NOT going to be easy to approach #(until he is because it's Ga On and he's a big softie for Ga On)

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notsotoothless · 11 months

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is it just me or does hiccup lean in after her like he expected a kiss?

#hiccup #astrid #hiccstrid #httyd #hiccup horrendous haddock iii #astrid hofferson #dob #defenders of berk #it could just be my hiccstrid-addled brain making me overthink things #like he very much could just be straightening up but #like. my dude was puckering his lips #and tbh it's fair i mean astrid DID just run all the way across the cove and basically tackle him #please excuse the shoddy gif...my usual program has stopped working on me and i don't have time to look into it rn #thank you for summing that up

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druidrot · 3 months

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also while I’m here…let’s talk about WHY i think unknown / nth is the perfect song for the kind of relationship Gale/Tav will have in “the injury of knowing you” like… this is based on my current playthrough (ranger/bard multiclass lmfao) This tav is a bit chaotic, a bit standoffish but her heart is in the right place and when she cares about someone, she does it fiercely, with no obligations or expectations.

Gale just being totally off guard and so confused about this little idiot that just came up to him and just decided that against all odds she loves him for who he is and not what he could be. That she was his despite his folly. Like. She fell first, he fell harder type of love. Obviously the lyrics fit Gale in this scenario and him just like. Deer in the headlights because what did he do to deserve someone so steadfast for him, someone willing to cross the depths of the hells themselves to keep him on the mortal plane.

Gale fighting his inner ambition because this dumb little bard ranger decided she wanted him and how is he supposed to ascend to godhood and leave her behind? But on the flip side how is he supposed to stay with her when everything he’s ever wanted is closer than ever before?

Sorry yall, I’m deep in the trenches tonight.

#yall writing something as big as this is so hard for me…like i don’t have faith that all these lil bits ive written will work well together #but i just cant stop thinking about Them #gale x reader #gale dekarios x reader #bg3 x reader #my tav’s name is tavya btw i love her so much ✨#this story has me in a chokehold #sorry guys the brain is rotting tn #rottie.txt

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notbecauseofvictories · 10 months

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I forget where (and absolutely will not vouch for this hazy memory's accuracy) but I remember reading somewhere that our brain elides what's familiar---if you do the same job, talk to the same people, day after day, your brain doesn't bother "saving" every second of every moment, just what's different than baseline. You might remember a great story your coworker told about their weekend, or a super annoying customer, but the rest is gently blurred together. It might even be a bonus feature of the human brain, helping us get through repetitive tasks with a minimum of friction.

I'm thinking about this because it feels like I've been going to new job for a small eternity; it feels like I've spent weeks reading things and taking trainings and listening to my new boss talk about company culture, pondering my role---

It has been exactly 2 days.

#two days!! I haven't even had the chance to take the same route to work!#my brain needs to fucking cool it.#stop saving all these memories! it's okay! just let it go gently hazy for a bit #at least until like. thursday.#no wonder the company has to secretly manipulate you

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landfilloftrash · 7 months

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afternoon ponderings

#my art #Ace Attorney #Gregory Edgeworth #Manfred von Karma #blueberrypancakes #for my brain to be able to see any sort of romance I have to just. Draw them in situations. Put those lawyers in a situation.#Plantonic and/or silly situations but situations nonetheless ! Anyways—#ok small ramblings time w/ headcanons #von karma paces to help him think- despite his leg- and tends to talk himself through things that happened (based on evidence and testimony #edgeworth switches between bouncing his leg and flipping through books unseeing trying to connect dots without 100% thinking about it--#letting it sit in his head as he turns it about subconsciously. most times it works- sometimes he just Has to talk through it with someone #and that someone is the one pacing due to his own case at the moment; and so! they talk. case talk small talk. talk!#they aren’t on the same case 4 this art— they’ve have been pinging ideas off each other and complaining about various things for hours now #bc if they were on the Same case they would NOT be this close in proximity except on the crime scene.#absolutely FIENDISHLY protective of their respective evidence. it's a game it's a dance it's a fight and gregory won't stop until he wins #and even then he would never stop; however they aren't on the same case so! they hang out and chat like civilized people. and argue (aff)#rea rambles in the tags #rea’s trash

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brittlebutch · 6 months

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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

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