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canary3d-obsessed · 3 years

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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 11 first part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Goodness)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Okay! This episode is a real slice of healthy family dynamics, not triggering in any way. [Uh if this is your first Restless Rewatch: that is sarcasm, dear readers]

Goodbye to You, Goodbye to Everything We Knew

Nie Huaisang asks why Meng Yao has to leave and Meng Yao says "I killed a guy without permission, so your brother fired me."

Ha ha ha ha no he doesn't. But he does give Nie Huaisang a sweet, sad smile; he seems touched by NHS's distress.

Meng Yao carefully removes Nie Huaisang's hands from his shoulders and bows to him, wordlessly signaling the change in their relationship from intimate friends to formal strangers, while Nie Huaisang looks crushed.

They will return to intimate friendship in the future, but falsely. Meng Yao believes that truly loving a person can include destroying their family and using them as an instrument in your murder plots as long as you don't directly harm them. Nie Huaisang eventually learns to use people just as brutally, but he doesn't lie to himself about what he's doing. This farewell may be the last harmless moment between these friends.

Jiang Cheng is distressed by what's going on, while Wei Wuxian crosses his arms and watches, fully in Sherlock Holmes mode, instead of his more usual concerned-for-my-friend mode. This may signal mistrust of Meng Yao, who refused his initial attempt at friendship, and not in a sexy, slice-your-face-off way. Or it may mean that he's reserving judgement on a complicated family situation. He maintains his uncharacteristic reserve through the entire encounter.

(more behind the cut!)

Nie Huaisang runs in and asks his brother WTF happened. Nie Mingjue says "he killed my subordinate without permission, when he knows perfectly well power must flow from the ruler; it's like he didn't even read that Foucault book I gave him."

Ha ha ha actually he just yells at his brother, as if NHS doesn’t have his own relationship with Meng Yao after being wonder twink powers with him for probably a couple of years now. NHS has to sit and process his loss and confusion in silence.

As a younger sibling who would make friends with my older siblings' girlfriends and then lose those friends if they broke up, for reasons having nothing to do with why I liked their girlfriends, I super feel Nie Huaisang's pain here.

OTOH, older siblings are entitled to have break ups and not explain themselves to anyone besides their lover because that's the nature of intimacy. The moral is, uhh...don't have a family curse that makes you unreasonably angry.

Jiang Cheng steps up to advocate for Meng Yao, because Meng Yao is injured, and because Jiang Cheng is actually a born leader who knows better than to throw away a useful subordinate. For example, even when Wei Wuxian is at his drunkest and most defiant, Jiang Cheng tries to reform him, not kick him out, only drawing the line at having unpopular zombie friends.

Wei Wuxian continues to keep his mouth shut, waiting for Nie Mingjue to calm down, and speaking only about the tactical situation. He clearly knows there's more to this story but he's pretty good at keeping his head down in a family ruckus, and we're about to learn why.

Yunmeng Town

The Yunmeng bros go home to Lotus Pier, where they are greeted in town with bows, smiles, and free stuff.

We've mostly been seeing them in their roles within the cultivation community, where Jiang Cheng is grumpy and anxious, and Wei Wuxian is sassy and iconoclastic. Here among common people, they are both charming, friendly, and polite, like the imaginary good kind of gentry.

They hear the news from a local lotus seller that the small clans are coming to the Jiang Clan for shelter, but that otherwise everything's ok, which doesn't sound like everything is ok at all. He gives Wei Wuxian a giant bag of lotuses for his sister to make soup from.

Home to Lotus Pier

All the disciples practicing in the courtyard at Lotus Pier are excited to see them, and one girl goes running to tell Jiang Yanli. Thanks to the admittedly beautiful design of Lotus Pier, she is running for a long time.

A long, long time. Getting around on all these insane walkways must be a real drag if you're not the flying sort of cultivator.

Discipline and Punish

Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian immediately go and kneel while they wait for their official punishment. Jiang Cheng is kinda worried about the punishment and Wei Wuxian is like, I'm good at being punished, just let me do it.

Much later, and for a really long fucking time

He also tries to get Jiang Cheng to stop being mad, even giving him skritches while he says they should be brothers after they die.

Which they will, as it happens, although Jiang Cheng after the Wen torture is only mostly golden-core dead, while WWX dies for real.

When Jiang Fengmian shows up Jiang Cheng starts to explain that they were with Lan Wangji, but Wei Wuxian hushes him; he is still keeping the secret of the Yin Iron. Although he's keeping it in exactly the manner that a teenager keeps their weed stash secret: immediately tell literally every teen friend about it, but keep it extra secret from everybody's parents.

Happy Families Are All Alike

Now we get to meet Yu Ziyuan, who is generally styled Madame Yu but who I'm going to call by her name just as if she was a male character. More on that concept in a minute. She rolls up looking, smelling, feeling like a million yuan, with her two murder bitches in tow.

Her marriage is an unhappy one, and her husband does his best to avoid her and avoid conflict, lying to the kids that she's tired and then sending her away later with the same line about being tired, which is a particularly gendered kind of gaslighting. She is obviously not tired, other than being tired of Jiang Fengmian's shit.

I'm not going to say she's the worst mother ever, because parenthood in a feudal society entails a wide range of skills, many of which she has in abundance. She starts off with a relatively tender greeting to Jiang Cheng, tuning up his always-amazing sartorial style, which is exactly like her own. They are all ready for the mommy & me fashion show.

That said, she dishes out hellacious verbal abuse to everyone in her family. She targets each one in turn, making Wei Wuxian the focus of most of her ire, but without ever directly speaking to him. He is not, in her view, part of her family.

The Stages of Family Dinner

1. Try to fix it and defuse the situation

2. Yeah no

3. Just keep your head down and be glad it’s not your turn in the hot seat

This family meal hammers home how much Wei Wuxian is not, actually, part of the family. Jiang Fengmian adopted him into the clan, and told A-Cheng and A-Yi to treat him as a sibling, but he didn't give him the Jiang name, and he didn't get his wife's approval. He also doesn’t expect him to dress like any other clan member, apparently.

Compare this to how Lan Wangji, actual good parent, fully integrates his own adopted son into his clan and family, starting with giving him the Lan surname.

The hits just keep coming as she goes after Jiang Cheng for being less gifted than Wei Wuxian, Yanli for performing labor for Wei Wuxian, and Jiang Fengmian for possibly begetting Wei Wuxian.

On first watching this scene I took her question "Is this how you raise someone else's son?" to mean that she thought Jiang Fengmian was being too nice to a kid who was actually an outsider, taking resources away from the real kids. But on rewatching, it's pretty clear that she's saying his favoring Wei Wuxian is evidence that Wei Wuxian is NOT someone else's son; that he's Jiang Fengmian's bastard.

Jiang Fengmian doesn't say a thing to this, or to her mentioning WWX’s mother. This shit is why WWX is running around in the world desperate for any crumb of info he can get about his Mom; he hears about her all the goddamn time at home, but only as insults to her character.

A Bitch is Not Wrong

Here's the thing, though; a lot of what Yu Ziyuan says is correct.

Jiang Fengmian should be a lot more concerned about the danger to the children, and should not leave it up to the kids to decide who's going to bear that danger.

Yanli does a lot of food=love, which is ok in the right doses, but causes her to pretty extremely lose face during the whole "soup for Jin Zixuan" debacle. And her doting on Wei Wuxian is...kinda excessive. I mean, yeah, she’s more like a mom than a sister to him, but still. Running out onto an active battlefield to look for him, frex, will be a skosh too much.

I have a dictionary too, mom

Jiang Cheng, as the future clan leader, shouldn't let his attachments affect his decision making, and should let Wei Wuxian, who's the superior cultivator, fend for himself more often. We love Jiang Cheng for those moments where he puts himself in harm's way to protect his loved ones, but it's not a good strategy. He constantly yells at Wei Wuxian for the exact same thing he does all the time himself; he just limits who he does it for.

After she roasts the shit out of everyone for these failings, she leaves, and everyone sits around being miserable and not talking about what just happened.

Not to be gender studies-y on main but: the awful things she says to her children are really not very different from the things that Jiang Cheng says to Jin Ling, although her targeting is more adept. JC also says a lot of mean things to WWX when he’s angry. When a man says cruel or insulting things, it's often presented as real love hidden under a rough exterior. When a woman does it, she's a monster.

If you enjoy this sort of interaction you should definitely have a look at Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf and the plays of Eugene O'Neill.

Road Runner

Oh thank god, moving on

Lan Wangji is headed back to Cloud Recesses, and gets ambushed by the roadside with the most ridiculous trap this side of Wile E. Coyote.

Wen Chao thinks the "rug over a hole" trap is a good idea for someone who can literally fly.

Lan Wangji doesn't faff about with sword riding, he just fucking goes up in the air and stays there until he is good goddamn ready to come down. A hole in the sidewalk is really not going to be a problem for him.

Wen Zhuliu does get in one kick before Lan Wanji yeets backwards away from him, in a moment that's scarier on rewatching, now that I know what Wen Zhuliu is capable of.

Wen Chao talks some smack to Lan Wangji, hilariously complaining about "your patronizing tone" to a man who has literally never spoken a word to him, IIRC, and certainly isn't speaking now. Maybe it's a mistranslation and should be "attitude," or maybe Wen Chao is just that dumb.

Apparently Wei Wuxian made a stack of talismans for Lan Wangji to take on the road with him. This talisman is a twin to the one Lan Wangji brings out way, way later in Yunping, when Wei Wuxian says "you even have kept it until now." Missing scene alert! What else did he make for him?

In Yunping this talisman is used to distract some random harmless street bullies. Here it is used against a seven-man murder squad.

This works.

Assault on Cloud Recesses

Forgettable disciple #1, Su She, comes rushing in to tell Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen that Cloud Recesses is under attack.

I'm pretty sure these dudes already know it, because they are meditating extra hard with a buttload of incense, and Lan Qiren is about to cough up some blood. So I think they're trying to hold the ward, rather than just, like, chilling while their disciples get stabbed.

Cloud Recesses is super on fire, you guys; it's going to totally burn to the ground; look at that conflagration, oh the humanity, etc.

Lan Qiren Rises to the Occasion

Ok, I like to rag on Failmaster Qiren and he is definitely an authoritarian dick a whole lot of the time, but in this scene he is fucking amazing.

He starts off worrying about Lan Wangji, not just out of affection but out of strategic planning, probably in equal parts. All three of these Lans take their clan responsibilities extremely seriously.

Then he calmly assesses the situation while imperturbable Lan Xichen freaks the fuck out.

Lan Xichen is right to be alarmed, because he knows his uncle, he knows one of them is likely to die, and he knows that Lan Qiren will choose to take the hit.

I love, love, love Lan Qiren's physicality here; how centered and assured he is, as he holds his nephew steady and explains what is required of both of them.

Lan Xichen knows Lan Qiren is right. He is utterly fucking devastated, and all he can do to show his love...

...is to obey.

This whole scene just. kills me.

Su She and forgettable disciple #2 are in the room for this whole conversation, and they join Lan Xichen in this deep bow. Note: I will be reminding everyone of this fact in Part 2.

Whew. This episode is a LOT. Part 2 Coming Soon!

Writing Prompt: What other goodies did Wei Wuxian put in Lan Wangji's care package before Lan Wangji hit the road without saying goodbye?

Soundtrack: 1. Michelle Branch, Goodbye to You 2. Ludacris, Stand Up

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #the untamed gifs #wei wuxian #yu ziyuan #lan qiren #restless rewatch the untamed #the untamed spoilers #lan xichen #canary3d-original #my gifs #the untamed meta

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jbbarnesnnoble · 3 years

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JBBarnesNNoble's 2nd Annual Mental Health Awareness Month Challenge 2021

Hello lovely people! And welcome to the 2nd Annual Mental Health Awareness Month Writing Challenge. The aim of this challenge is to shine a light on mental health, medical conditions, and the things that can have impacts on us. This started out initially being a PCOS Awareness challenge last year but through conversations with other writers over Discord, it evolved into a Mental Health Awareness Month Writing Challenge last year. I’m reusing some of the unused prompts from last year’s challenge and adding in some new ones!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. The goal of this challenge is to lift each other up, and show that it’s okay not to be okay. Spread some love and light during a challenging time in the world to those who struggle with chronic illness, depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, grief, PCOS, acceptance from their families and communities for being LGBT+, and anyone struggling with insecurity.

This challenge will run through July 31st, 2021. It will run through Mental Health Awareness Month, Pride Month, and the month of July to give people time to write. You can submit it at any time. I probably have too many prompts, but I wanted to ensure that there was a wide array to choose from. Please don’t hesitate to message me if I haven’t interacted with your fic after a few days! Sometimes the tag system doesn’t work and I miss things!

The Rules:

1. Utilize resources available online if you’re dealing with subject matter you’re not that familiar with. I’m not going to go all “cite sources” on y’all, but please do make sure to do your research. Writing about some of these issues can be hard if you don’t have first hand knowledge of how it can affect you. The goal of this challenge is to write about topics that we tend to shy away from, that many of us struggle with, from mental health struggles to chronic illnesses to low-self esteem. A gentle reminder that if you think writing about a subject will be triggering for you, please look after yourself first.

2. Use #JBBNNMHAM21 to tag your fic

3. Dark!Fic- Due to the subject matter involved in this challenge, please don’t submit dark!fic. I enjoy dark fics, but this challenge isn’t the place for them.

4. Smut- Smut is welcome! Make sure you tag it appropriately.

5. No inc*st, dubcon/noncon, underage, etc

6. Ships- I prefer reader inserts, but show me what ya got.

7. NO JOHN WALKER FICS. Please. Please no. I beg of you.

8. Selecting Prompts: Just let me know which one you want to do! 2 people per prompt! The song prompts have a line from them under it. You DO NOT need to use the line in your submission! It’s mostly to help you decide if you’re interested in a song before you take a listen to it.

You also can alter the sentence and dialogue prompts as needed for grammar, be it altering the pronouns used or changing the pluralization of a word.

9. Trigger Warnings: Use warnings as needed. Fics dealing with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, or other mental health issues should be tagged appropriately to ensure that readers that may be triggered by the subject matter can avoid the fic. Trigger warnings are non-negotiable

The prompts are under the cut!

Prompts:

Dialogue Prompts:

“I feel like if I let go, if I move on, I’ll only be proving them right.”

“I don’t know. Am I? Because from where I’m standing it’s pretty damn clear that’s how you see me.”

“You don’t believe that do you? Tell me you don’t. Please.”

“It’d probably be easier if you left”

“Please leave me alone”

“Everyone’s got broken pieces. Some have more, some have less. It doesn’t make you less of a person to have those broken pieces.” @nekoannie-chan

“If it’s okay with you, I’ll take that shake now.”

“What’s the point if I’m going to end up breaking that promise too?”

“You sure about that, moonman?”

“It made you smile though. And that will always be a win in my book.”

“That’s not true. And I will tell you that every day of your life until you believe me.”

Sentence Prompts:

Feel free to adjust the pronouns as needed

It was a day. It was the only way it could be described.

Summer had a smell that reminded her of innocence and a time long since past.

In that moment, the world stopped spinning on its axis as it all shattered down around her.

Some things, there would never be a way to understand. @justrunamok

Like shattered glass, in that moment the illusion was broken.

Forever was a lie, just like everything else.

If you had another condescending doctor tell you your problem wasn’t a problem you were going to scream.

They’d say it was easy, like riding a bike. Except, you never learned how to ride a bike in the first place.

Today was going to be good. It had to be.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that this was going south.

AU and Trope Prompts:

Soulmate @samsgoddess

College

Childhood Friends @tellmealovestory

Friends to Lovers

Enemies to Lovers

Musicians

Writer

Professional Athlete

Teacher

Coffee Shop

Fake Dating

Accidental Marriage

Royal

Librarian

Doctor

Song Prompts:

1. Nobody Ever Told You - Carrie Underwood

Lyric Snippet: “Wish you could see yourself the way I do. Nobody ever told you, nobody ever told you. Shine like a diamond, glitter like gold, and you need to know what nobody ever told you”

2. Missing You - All Time Low

Lyric Snippet: “And if you need a friend, I’ll help you stitch up your wounds. I heard that you’ve been, having some trouble finding your place in the world. I know how much that hurts. But if you need a friend, then please just say the word.”

3. Barefoot and Bruised - Jamestown Story

Lyric Snippet: “Maybe when your sky comes crashing down, I can be your angel on the ground. If you get tired and can’t go on, I will carry you along, when the rocks below your feet wear out your shoes, when you’re barefoot and bruised”

4. Hold On Till May- Pierce the Veil

Lyric Snippet: “If were you, I’d put that away. See you’re just wasted and thinking about the past again. Darling, you’ll be okay.”

5. If I Surrender - Citizen Soldier

Lyric Snippet: “If I surrender, surrender, to the monsters in me, will it set me free?”

6. Home - Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors, Beba Rexha

Lyric Snippet: “All these miles, feet, inches, they can’t add up to the distance that I have been through just to get to a place where even if there’s no closure I’m still safe. I still ache from trying to keep pace. Somebody give me a sign, I’m starting to lose faith”

7. Broken Arrows - Daughtry

Lyric Snippet: “The best of intentions I lay at your feet. And I need you to see past the worst part of me.”

8. Used - Serious Matters

Lyric Snippet: “The wounds are gone and the pain still lingers. But this time I won’t stand by, I don’t need you in my life”

9. According to You - Orianthi

Lyric Snippet: “According to you, I’m stupid, I’m useless, I can’t do anything right”

10. Let It Land - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “And everything we hate is something we just bought along the line”

11. Cold As You - Taylor Swift

Lyric Snippet: “You put up walls and paint them all a shade of grey. And I stood there loving you and wished them all away. And you come away with a great little story, of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you”

12. Tied Together with a Smile - Taylor Swift

Lyric Snippet: “Hold on, baby you’re losing it. The water’s high, you’re jumping into it, and letting go, and no one knows. That you cry but you don’t tell anyone that you might not be the golden one. And you’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone.”

13. Human Interaction - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “I don’t know love. I don’t know hate. I am numb. Wish I could find the words to say. Asking please, as colors fade. I need to breathe. Before I turn the world to grey.”

14. Therapy - All Time Low

Lyric Snippet: “Give me therapy, I’m a walking travesty, but I’m smiling at everything. Therapy you were never a friend to me, and you can keep all your misery”

15. Scars - Alison Iraheta

Lyric Snippet: “Do you know how hard I’ve tried to become what you want me to be. Take me, this is all that I’ve got, this is all that I’m not, all that I’ll ever be. I got flaws, I got faults, keep searching for your perfect heart. It doesn’t matter who you are, we’ve all got our scars”

16. Hurts to Know - 1551

Lyric Snippet: “I can’t remember what I did to earn you by my side. I can’t surrender. I’ll fight as long as you’re in my life”

17. Spinning Bottles - Carrie Underwood

Lyric Snippet: “He’s in a hotel room, with the tv on. Getting lost in the static with the curtains drawn, knowing this could be the time that gets her gone for good, he’d quit if he could. But one down, two down, three down, four, can’t even recognize the man in the mirror anymore”

18. Praying - Kesha

Lyric Snippet: “Well you were wrong and now the best is yet to come. ‘Cause I can make it on my own. And I don’t need you, I found a strength I’ve never known.”

19. Jersey On the Wall (I’m Just Asking) - Tenille Townes

Lyric Snippet: “If I ever get to heaven, you know I got a long list of questions. Like how do you make a snowflake, are you angry when the earth quakes? How does the sky change in a minutes, how do you keep this big rock spinning? Why can’t you stop a car from crashing? Forgive me, I’m just asking”

20. Five More Minutes - Scotty McCreery

Lyric Snippet: “Time rolls by, the clock don’t stop. I wish I had a few more drops of the good stuff, the good times. Oh, but they just keep on flying right on by like it ain’t nothing, wish I had me a, a pause button. Moments like those, Lord knows I’d hit it. Give myself five more minutes”

21. Dad’s Old Number - Cole Swindell

Lyric Snippet: “Sometimes I forget, these ten digits ain’t my lifeline anymore. Every now and then I dial them up when life gets tough or when the Braves score. Sorry about the one ring hang ups, early morning and late night wake ups. It was just me. In case you wondered, you’ve got dad’s old number.”

22. The Other Side - Lauren Alaina

Lyric Snippet: “There’s gonna be a lot of sadness on a lot of happy days, I’ll try to think of this moment, this place”

23. I Was Here - Beyonce

Lyric Snippet: “So they won’t forget I was here. I lived. I loved. I was here. I did, I’ve done, everything that I wanted and it was more than I thought it would be. I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here.”

24. Gone Too Soon - Simple Plan

Lyric Snippet: “Like a shooting star, flying across the room. So fast, so far, you were gone too soon. You’re a part of me. And I’ll never be the same here without you. You were gone too soon.”

25. Amelia - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “And you will always be perfect, you’ll always be beautiful, our hearts, will never forget you. You didn’t belong here, and it’s become so clear why heaven called your name.”

26. Heaven Right Now - Thomas Rhett

Lyric Snippet: “When the whole crew gets together, memory lane goes on forever. We twist a top and pour a little Jack D out.”

#JBBNNMHAM21 #writing challenge #marvel fanfic

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faeriejukyung · 3 years

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Dr. Romantic, Teacher Kim 2 Review

media type: kdrama

genre: medical drama, melodrama, romance

duration: 16 episodes, 70 minutes each

available on: viki (for free!)

faeriejukyung rating: 9.5/10 🍇

I know that I’m very late to this, but please bear with me. this drama came out back in January, and at that time it didn’t pique my interest, since I’m not a huge medical drama watcher. as a matter of fact, this is the first medical drama that I’ve watched! I saw one of my close friends gush about the chemistry between Lee Sung Kyung and Ahn Hyo Seop (the actors playing the lead couple in DRTK 2) on her instagram story, so I decided to give it a watch. And to say that I was pleasantly surprised is an understatement.

This is genuinely the best kdrama I have watched ALL year. Everything about it so amazing. I was initially a bit worried because I haven’t yet watched the first season of Dr. Romantic, so I thought I’d have trouble following the storyline. But that was not the case at all! I could understand pretty much everything perfectly, and even though there were a few references to older characters, overall I wasn’t confused at all. And I’m not gonna lie, this kdrama kind of made me reconsider my future career options LMAOOO I high-key wanted to become a surgeon after watching this,, idk man, might fuck around and do medicine after I graduate high school. (my mom would die to hear me say these words)

The story revolves around the extremely talented doctor with a passion for helping and saving people, Bu Yong Ju, or Kim Sa Bu (played by Han Suk Kyu), as he’s referred to in the drama, the extremely intelligent, hardworking and sincere, but anxious doctor Cha Eun Jae (played by Lee Sung Kyung), and the talented lonewolf Seo Woo Jin (played by Ahn Hyo Seop), who’s struggling with debt. Kim Sa Bu recruits Cha Eun Jae and Seo Woo Jin to help run the chaotic Doldam Hospital, which is situated at a countryside, the place where rest of the story takes place.

All the characters in this kdrama are so well written, and all of them have reasons for doing the things that they do. All the side characters are so so so likeable (I particularly liked the Head Nurse’s Tigress mom-like character!) -- There is not one character that I can say is poorly written. Even the dude I hated the most (Dr. Yang Ho Joon) is a well written character

The storyline in this kdrama is by far one of the most interesting ones. I literally could not stop myself from binge watching the whole thing in less than a week lmao. That's the only complain I have -- I could not put my phone down. Every time I would finish an episode, I’d practically be dying to know what happens in the next one. Every episode brings a new medical case, and I would feel my blood pressure heighten up during each and every emergency treatment. The tension that our characters feel during a surgery seems very much palatable through the screen. Like you can tell, that this is a life and death situation. And every sigh of relief that you’d take after the patient is saved would feel earned.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY adored the camaraderie and the sense of community the staff at Doldam Hospital shared. Honestly, I can talk about their loving relationship with each other for hours. These people are very much a family. These are the characters you get really emotionally attached to. And I particularly love them because found family is my favorite tv/movie/book trope :”) They are literally what I want my ideal work environment to be like! if our relationship is not like the staff at Doldam Hospital, I don’t want it. 🙄👎

My favorite character, most definitely would be the Romantic Doctor himself, Kim Sa Bu. Honestly, everyone deserves a mentor like Kim Sa Bu in their life. His wise teachings, his eye for talent, his way of teaching people and helping them overcome their flaws is literally all I want in life. He has this way of reassuring people, that it’ll be okay as long as he’s there. In the end of the kdrama, he tells us to always be in touch with our idealistic side and to never let go of the romanticism inside of us. People might call him a madman, crazy, impractical, but Kim Sa Bu always puts values and ideals like empathy, doing the right thing, selflessness at the top. He’s a character that I’ll remember for a really long time.

And of course, I can’t forget Woo Jin and Eun Jae. These two are literally my babies. We see them grow as individuals, and as a duo/couple throughout the drama. They are legit one of my favorite slow burn couples ever. And their relationship is so beautiful, you can tell how much they care about each other. While Eun Jae teaches Woo Jin to be more open about his feelings, to sometimes rely on others, Woo Jin teaches Eun Jae to be more confident with her surgery skills. (CAN I TAKE A MOMENT TO JUST TALK ABOUT EUN JAE’S CHARACTER ARC? LIKE . OMG. I’m absolutely in love!! her character glow up is like the one I want. she went from being an insecure people pleaser with a good girl complex to a self assured and extremely skilled surgeon!! God I really want to have a character arc like her, because I really relate to how Eun Jae initially was lol) Anyway, I literally cANNOT stop fangirling over them. They’re always there for each other emotionally, every time one of them is going through something. Their emotional connection is just *chef’s kiss*. They’re in my “dream relationships” list. Also this is a quick disclaimer that you might feel like they’re a bit slow, but that’s because the story isn’t completely centered around their romance. That being said, I WOULD DIE TO SEE MORE OF THEM :(( like I literally go on youtube and re-watch all my favorite WooJae scenes. (I’m lonely can u tell)

Overall, this kdrama is literally perfection for me (it’s my emotional support kdrama now ahaha). I recommend it to people who like frenemies-to-lovers trope, found family trope, along with some good adrenaline rush (lol)

Also quick viewer discretion: This show contains themes of violence, death and r@pe/s3xual assault. it also contains A LOT of blood. Like, A LOT. I know this stuff triggers a lot of people, I advise those people to not watch it. please take care :( I love u <33

Thank you if you read through the whole thing, it means a lot! :D My name is Mahima, I’m 15 years old and I mostly geek out about kdramas, webtoon, at;la, and LOTR here, with occasional stuff about harry potter, pjo, and pokemon. hmu if u wanna be friends and talk about my stupid hyper fixations AHAH

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mediaeval-muse · 3 years

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Book Review

Radiance. By Grace Draven. Self-Published, 2014.

Rating: 2/5 stars

Genre: fantasy romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Wraith Kings #1

Summary: THE PRINCE OF NO VALUE Brishen Khaskem, prince of the Kai, has lived content as the nonessential spare heir to a throne secured many times over. A trade and political alliance between the human kingdom of Gaur and the Kai kingdom of Bast-Haradis requires that he marry a Gauri woman to seal the treaty. Always a dutiful son, Brishen agrees to the marriage and discovers his bride is as ugly as he expected and more beautiful than he could have imagined. THE NOBLEWOMAN OF NO IMPORTANCE Ildiko, niece of the Gauri king, has always known her only worth to the royal family lay in a strategic marriage. Resigned to her fate, she is horrified to learn that her intended groom isn’t just a foreign aristocrat but the younger prince of a people neither familiar nor human. Bound to her new husband, Ildiko will leave behind all she’s known to embrace a man shrouded in darkness but with a soul forged by light. Two people brought together by the trappings of duty and politics will discover they are destined for each other, even as the powers of a hostile kingdom scheme to tear them apart.

***Full review under the cut.***

Trigger/Content Warnings: sexual content, bullying, violence, blood; references to infanticide, ableism, torture, and incest

Overview: I learned of this book when an artist I follow on tumblr mentioned it as one of their favorites. I had high hopes after seeing so many 4 and 5 star reviews, but unfortunately for me, I wasn’t as enthusiastic as most people seem to be. While I did appreciate that the hero wasn’t a gruff, emotionally damaged, violent man, I personally found the story as a whole to be rather dull. There were way too many scenes that focused on domestic life at the Kai castles, and while that could have been an interesting plot in itself if the stakes were high enough, the political drama wasn’t developed enough to be thrilling, nor was the Kai court different enough from the human one to be a tale about immersing oneself in a new culture. Even looking at this book purely through the lens of romance, I don’t think there was enough there; while I don’t think the hero should have been mean to the heroine or something like that, I do think the relationship could have benefitted from developing a little more, and for Draven to have really dug into the nuances of what changes when a couple moves from friends to lovers. Thus, this book only gets 2 stars from me.

Writing: Draven has a simple writing style that fits well within the romance genre. It flows well and balances telling and showing so that worldbuilding doesn’t feel too info-dumpy. My biggest complaints are things that are easily fixable, like correcting typos and moving flashbacks around so that they occur at more appropriate moments. Other than that, I don’t have too much to say about the writing; it was fine.

Plot: In a way, this book is a Beauty and the Beast retelling: two people must overcome their revulsion to the other’s appearance before they fall in love with the good character underneath. Behind this main plot is a political drama in which several kingdoms are vying for territory, making and breaking alliances while a conniving queen does her best to stay in power.

Regarding the Beauty and the Beast plot, I really liked that Radiance seemed to adhere more closely to the core themes of the original fairy tale than a lot of other retellings I’ve encountered; instead of a story about a woman trying to tame the “bestial” man with her womanly charms, both characters in Draven’s book have to learn to see the other as beautiful by learning to appreciate one another’s culture. The main scenes that come to mind that do this well are the times when Ildiko (our heroine) finds beauty in the Kai death ritual (the mortem light) and when her expectations are subverted when it comes to the food the Kai eat (not the scarpatine, but the other dishes). I also liked that Draven devoted a lot of time to detailing why the Kai found human eyes so off-putting, and Brishen (our hero) comes to appreciate them when learning to read his wife’s emotions. If anything, my main complaint is that I think Draven could have done more to enhance these themes by tweaking her worldbuilding; the Kai were different from humans in a lot of ways, but so much was the same (court politics, social hierarchy, etc.) that I think the task of learning to appreciate a different culture wasn’t difficult enough. I would have liked to see the Kai have a completely different social structure, one that was so alien to the human characters that learning to see the beauty in it proved to be more of a challenge. Because adapting wasn’t too hard and Brishen and Ildiko seemed to have no moments where they suddenly realized they loved rather than just respected or liked the other, I was frequently bored, mostly because there were so many domestic scenes without relationship milestones - instances where Ildiko and Brishen came together as a couple, bonding over things that challenged them to grow as people.

The political plot, in my opinion, was a little ho-hum and wasn’t nearly present enough to be important. We are told that there are rising tensions between three kingdoms, and some people disapprove of the marriage alliance between Brishen and Ildiko, but it kind of felt like a background threat, in part because there were so many scenes depicting feasts (4, by my count) rather than political intrigue, or we get scenes like Ildiko dropping her mother’s necklace in a vat of dye and then Brishen offers to take her to the next town to repair it. Sure, a couple of bandits try to kill Brishen and Ildiko, and some treachery happens later in the book, but the middle section mainly consists of feast scenes, domestic life, or petty drama. I wanted a little more substance to the non-romance plot; perhaps the marriage could have been more explicitly important for the well-being of the Kai kingdom as a whole, and Ildiko has to use her skills to make the Kai more loyal to her. Or, Draven could have gone another route and made the Kai queen to have a clearer political agenda throughout the book other than just being mean to everyone around her. It is mentioned that Brishen and his brother are afraid to cross her in part because magical ability diminishes with each successive generation; maybe that could have been a major focal point or hurdle when plotting against the Queen, rather than an incidental detail that only returns later in the book. Either way, I wanted the politics to be more than just background, and for there to be much higher stakes that will be felt by more people than just Brishen and Ildiko.

Characters: Ildiko, our heroine, is a human woman who enters into an arranged marriage with a Kai prince in order to seal an alliance. I really liked that a lot of the story was centered on Ildiko learning to acclimate to Kai culture and navigate their court politics, and I think it was smart to show that her experience as a courtier in the human kingdom helped her survive the Kai one. I do wish Ildiko’s personal arc had been more about her overcoming her prejudices to appreciate a different culture; while Ildiko isn’t outright racist or resistant to adapting, I do think it would have been more emotionally satisfying if she had clearly entered the marriage with a lot of assumptions about the Kai that turned out to be untrue. If that didn’t sound appealing, maybe Ildiko’s ability to navigate court politics could have been more integral to the plot as a whole, rather than her rather passive role during the final showdown.

Brishen, our hero, was a pleasant surprise; he was kind and considerate, and he didn’t let his power-hungry parents turn him into a gruff, emotionally-unavailable husband. While I did like that he was kind, I also wish his personal arc had been more about overcoming his assumptions about humans or overcoming some other personal conflict, such as balancing his duty to his people/kingdom with his desire to escape the more toxic elements of it. In that regard, I think his romance with Ildiko could have served an interesting purpose: by teaching Ildiko about his culture, he learns to appreciate it more while also finding an escape in her. It would also be cool if he realized that duty doesn’t necessarily mean obeying the monarchs, but doing what’s best for the people.

Supporting characters were a mixed bag. Some, like Brishen’s cousin Anhuset, were interesting but didn’t seem to have a subplot of their own, while others, like Queen Secmet, seemed one-dimensional. In some ways, the one-dimensional characters ensured that most of the focus was on Brishen and Ildiko, but I would have liked a little less feasting and a little more high-stakes conflict that involved these side characters functioning in ways that developed their own arcs.

Romance: Ildiko’s and Brishen’s romance follows a friends-to-lovers arc. When the characters first meet, they instantly bond over their willingness to be honest about their feelings regarding the other’s appearance and culture. I liked that they didn’t start out as completely repulsed by one another, and the friendship bond made for a good safety net when Ildiko has to face the Kai court. I do wish, however, that there had been more explicit developments in showing how the relationship moves from friendship to romantic love. For example, I would have liked scenes where Ildiko has moments of realization regarding what a good man Brishen is, and where Brishen realizes how good a woman his wife is, both in reaction to major plot points (rather than what we get, which is stuff like Ildiko watching Brishen prepare to spar or something). Some of those moments are there in the plot as-is - I’m thinking scenes like when Ildiko learns what an honor it is to have Brishen carry a mortem light for someone beneath his class - but I think there could have been a more defined romance arc.

Worldbuilding: I really liked that Draven didn’t feel the need to overwhelm the reader with worldbuilding details, but I also think she should have done more to make the world feel more purposefully crafted. My biggest problem with Draven’s worldbuilding is that certain elements seemed to be present for no reason at all, or because they were convenient details. For example, the Kai make this very expensive dye called amaranthine, and though we’re told that humans benefit from trading for it, the amaranthine isn’t really involved in an interesting way other than for Ildiko to accidentally stain her skin with in a moment of thoughtlessness. Also, during the last big showdown, we’re randomly told that there are magefinders and a temple which shields the Kai from these magefinders. It felt like these details were inserted for convenience, and I wish more was done to make the setting feel like a character itself.

TL;DR: Radiance does a good job at subverting some expectations, but ultimately doesn’t have a plot that challenges the characters to grow, either individually or as a couple.

#book reviews

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soaringlanddormitory · 4 years

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❌🧡⭐🌳💙🍆💗 For Christelle, 🍒🔥😊🍐🌀🍆🌸For Ryozaki, 💋📙📀🍏💧🍇🎀For Miray

Thank you for sending an ask, mama !!

Christelle Morin

❌ What kind of things would end any relationship for them? Is there a history behind why these things bother them? Could they ever take someone back despite this? If so or if not, why? She would end a relationship only if the other person leaves her first without warning. By that, she won’t even try anymore. The history behind it is her father leaving when she was rather young out of nowhere and never went back. She wouldn’t take someone back because she would remember the damage that was done to her.

🧡 Who is your OC’s favourite person? Why is this person the top of their list and have they actually met them (an idol or rolemodel or celeb can be someone’s favourite after all!). People might be surprised over this, but her favorite person would actually be Dai. The reason for this isn’t only because they are cooking partners but because Dai was her first friend in Totsuki and actually gave an effort to try and get close to her.

⭐ What is your OC afraid of? Any crippling phobias or some such? How do they act when scared and what helps them calm down? Does anyone ever find your OC scary? Why? At most, she’s probably only afraid of being left alone... and technology. She acts okay with the second one though, she’s just afraid she might break it, that’s all. With the first one, she tends to keep it in and she calms down eventually. A lot of people do find her scary because of the vibe she gives off.

🌳 Compare your OC to themself from 10 years ago. How has their mental state changed since then, how have they aged and grown up? Would they say they’re in a better place than they were back then or do they need help? What advice would they give their younger self? What advice would their younger self give to them now? She used to be a happy kid, but that’s because her family was still complete and the incident didn’t happen yet. She got more mature and careful with people as the years passed by. She believes she is in a better place [the dorm might be crazy, but she likes it... most of the time]. She would tell her younger self to try and be more careful with her choices, while her younger self would tell her to try and be less cold.

💙 What did your OC want to be when they grew up and why? Did they have any lifelong dreams or ambitions they never got to work on or are they currently working to achieve this dream? Has their life taken a very unexpected turn and put all these plans on hold for a while or have they given up on any dreams? She always wanted to be a chef! Her family owned a restaurant, afterall. However, she also wanted to be a writer or an author of a book. She got to achieve both dreams, and she did work hard on it! And no unexpected turn happened.

🍆 Tea or Coffee or Hot Chocolate? Sweet or Spicy? Fruits or Vegetables? Coffee, Spicy and Vegetables!

💗 What would your OC say is their best feature? Why? What do their friends / family / lover(s) / people they know think is their best feature and why? Her cooking. Her talents and skills. That’s her best feature... looks though, her eyes. People agree with this as well!

Ryozaki

🍒 What kind of things do they expect from their relationships? Does this differ between platonic relationships and romantic ones? Is your OC “demanding” or a door mat? What kinds of things do people expect from them in a relationship? He doesn’t expect too much from both? In platonic ones, he just expects consistency and trust. On romantic ones, he expects same interest in one another. He doesn’t try to expect too much. He’s... a door mat most of the time. He’s rarely demanding unless it’s needed, but he also barely asks for anything in the first place. People expect him to be “sweet and soft”-er than to his friends and they expect to be more attentive to his lover. [They’re right]

🔥 Give us a list of general likes and dislikes, such as colours, textures, music, weather and other stuff! He likes ice skating, he likes snow, he likes winter- and all that! He likes blues, whites and greys, and he also loves the feeling of cotton clothes or silky ones! He loves classical music, but also romantic ones! He loves the rain! He dislikes... not a lot of things, honestly. But he does hate it when the weather is too hot and he actually doesn’t like squid ink as food. And also oily foods in general, he isn’t too much of a fan [he’d still eat it though].

😊 What can make your OC smile even when they’re feeling down? What cheers them up and makes everything feel better for them? Is your OC genrally a happy person and do they enjoy making others smile? What about your OC makes others happy? He’s easy to please! Just talk to him out of it or communicate with him. He’d smile even a bit. Conversations and gifts always cheers him up and makes him feel better, even just a show of concern. He is a happy person and enjoys people smile! Also his charm and his sweetness is what makes other people happy!

🍐 What is your OC’s mentality? Are they overall positive? Negative? A bit of both? Describe their thought patterns and reasoning behind their choice making! He is usually a positive thinker but he also thinks the worst in situations, so I’d say a bit of both. He just thinks about the pros and cons in his decision and starts weighing them, but also sees what is the best for everyone, not only himself.

🌀 Where is your OC from? Where were they born? Do they still live there, if not why did they move? If they still live in the area how has it changed since their childhood? How many places has your OC lived in and where has been their favourite? He lives in Japan but he actually, but he also goes to America because... that’s where some of his relatives live. So he lives in two places, but prefers Japan!! Nothing changed honestly, it’s all the same!

🍆 Tea or Coffee or Hot Chocolate? Sweet or Spicy? Fruits or Vegetables? Hot Chocolate! Sweet! Fruits!

🌸 What does your OC’s voice sound like? Their laugh? Are they good at singing? Do they have an accent? He actually has a pretty soft yet suave voice? Like a soft gentleman type. He tends to not laugh too much, but it’s like a heartlighted chuckle! He is GREAT at singing as someone who came from the theater club of Kaoru. He can have an English accent if it slips up, but it rarely does!

Miray Yavuz

💋 How affectionate are they with their friends? Their family? Their romantic partner(s) (if they have any)? Are they more physical or emotional when it comes to displaying their affection? Why? She is really affectionate to her friends! She constantly hugs Hang and holds the other dorm member’s hands. She even sometimes kisses Lyron and jokingly calls Ethan her boyfriend just for laughs and to see Ethan fluster. She’s pretty sweet with her family too, such a giving them kises on the cheeks! She... doesn’t have a romantic partner. She’s more physical because she thinks it’s easier to do, mostly!!

📙 What kind of subjects (of conversation, of discussion, in school or whatever) does your OC find interesting or engaging or that they can talk for hours about? What kind of stuff do they just find fun? Cooking. Of course cooking. But she also likes talking about fashion and also gambling... don’t ask why. [she loves gambling with her dorm mates because of Dai gdfhghfdg]. She also talk about animals for a good 6 hours, specifically canines.

📀 How easy is it to shock your OC? To confuse them? To lie to them, to manipulate them? How are they with feelings of trust? Can your OC be trusted? It’s... actually hard? It is hard to shock, confuse, lie and manipulate her. BUT she can do all of those to other people easily. She definitely feels comfort in the feeling of trust! Also yes, if you are her friend, she can be trusted.

🍏 Does your OC have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? In what ways does your OC react to being triggered? She doesn’t have any triggers, so there’s no history. She has no mental illness either so I actually don’t have an answer to this! :0

💧 What is the earliest memory your OC can recall? Do they know what their first words were or remember where they took their first steps? Do they have any mementos of their childhood they’ve kept such as a stuffed toy or tiny baby clothes? The earliest memory she has is when she jumped in a pool when she was... 2? And almost drowned because of how hyper she is. She remembers her first words were “Papa” though. She doesn’t remember her first steps. She does have one memento, but it’s a stuffed toy in her room! It’s a purple penguin!

🍇 Day or Night? Sun or Rain? Summer or Winter? Day, Sun, Winter!!

🎀 Do they wear a specific accessory with a special meaning behind it? What is their usual fashion sense like? What do they wear when they want to be comfortable and what do they wear when they’re going to a fancy party? Or do they just not care? Nope! She has no specific accessory! HEr fashion sense is mostly purple/pinks and comfortable and cozy! She usually wears pajama-like things or a cozy jacket and sweater when she wants to feel comofrtable. In a fancy party, she prefers wearing tuxes!!

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missweber · 5 years

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@lardo-week

For Day 6 of Lardo Week - Friends and Lovers

(Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5)

(FYI, I’ll start posting these to AO3 tomorrow after I get the last chapter up tomorrow and give everything a good scrubbing for lurking typos and the like)

the practical thing to do

It wasn't that Lardo wasn't earning money. She had two decent part-time jobs and had even picked up a couple of freelance assignments.

One of the freelance assignments (painting the risers of a staircase in an old house-turned-bookstore to resemble shelves of children's books) had been fun and had paid fairly well, but it hadn't led to any nibbles from potential patrons.

She had time, she reminded herself. There was nothing wrong with working part-time for a gallery and for a local youth hockey organization. There was nothing wrong with creating some stability for herself.

But something was wrong.

"Can I vent?" She had timed her question for when Ransom and Holster were home and Shitty was at an evening seminar. As for She-Who-Would-Not-Be-Named, Lardo didn't really give a shit if she was home or not.

"Lay it on us, so we may ease your troubled mind," Holster intoned, affecting an air of wisdom and concern. Ransom didn't say anything, but he closed his laptop and put it aside so he could pay full attention.

Wanting to vent didn't mean knowing what to say. Instead, she just plopped herself down on the couch right between them. There wasn't quite enough room, but they made it work.

"I feel like a fucking parasite," she said at last.

The chorus of no no no! and we're fine with how things are divvied up, honest! weren't as comforting as they were meant to be.

"I'm venting, okay? That means you gotta let me vent! Don't..." She took a deep breath. "Don't just tell me not to worry, okay?"

Part of her could hear Shitty explaining how being told not to worry was sometimes the same as 'go away and don't bother me with your pesky emotions,' and that, she found comforting.

"My bad," Holster said.

Ransom pulled her into a side hug. "Sorry about that, Lards. Go ahead. Why are you comparing yourself to a tapeworm?"

"Gross, dude," she and Holster said in perfect unison, and that led to a giggle fit that totally killed the mood.

"Now I'm not feeling ranty. I'm just going to whine instead."

"Would you like some wine with that wine?" Holster asked in a horrible faux-British accent.

"Oh, hell yes!"

The occasion apparently called for a bottle of good wine that had been 'liberated' from Shitty's grandparents, and the novelty wine glasses. Lardo noted that her glass said 'Wine is cheaper than therapy' and tried not to read too much into it. After all, Ransom's said 'I just can't adult today' and Holster's glass proclaimed that he was 'Sotally Tober.'

"So anyway, I feel like a total mooch. I know you guys say it doesn't bother you that I'm paying a smaller share of rent than you are, but it still bugs me. I feel... I feel kept."

"Does it help if we tell you we don't think of it that way at all?" Ransom asked gently.

She shrugged. "In theory."

Shitty, Ransom, and Holster had each told her over and over and over they didn't mind paying bigger shares of the rent. They all either had or made enough money to cover it, and how the hell was Lardo supposed to do art on the side if she didn't have the time or energy to do art?

"We've got your back, bro," Holster said as if that explained everything.

She knew it should. She wished it did.

"Did anything in particular stir this up?" Ransom asked. His eyes narrowed. "Shitty's dad didn't say anything again, did he? Or Claire?"

Holster shushed him, and cast furtive looks at the hallway. "Don't say her name! She'll know we're talking about her!"

Ransom leaned in close and lowered his voice to a whisper. "I know I always said I was team attic, but if the person who's hiding in the attic is you-know-who? Then fuck it. I'm changing my answer."

"Dude," Holster said solemnly. "What if she's actually a thousand roaches in a trench coat?"

"Huh. That actually makes a lot of sense."

Watching their back and forth helped more than their concern. "No one said anything, guys." Well, George had said something in an email, but not in the way the guys meant it. "Just some job stuff came up today that... well, it stirred some shit up."

The point of having a job was to earn a living. Yes, you should do something you liked to do, but you needed to be practical about it. Lardo's parents had never been poor, but for as long as she could remember, they always had to be mindful. She had never gone hungry, but her mother and her bà ngoại had.

They had always encouraged and celebrated her artwork, but they had also been very clear that she was expected to get a real job.

There had also been sly hints about how finding a husband with a real job was a possible alternative, but she forced the thought from her mind because while a wine hangover was bad, a rage hangover was even worse.

The three of them killed off a bottle and a half of wine. It was weaksauce compared to their kegster days, but while Lardo had gone to several classes hungover and still in her pajamas, she didn't think that would fly at the Newbury Street gallery where she worked.

Where she worked for now, at least.

"I'm done guys," she said with a yawn that was only a little exaggerated. "Thanks for letting me dump on you. And don't say it's no problem or anything stupid like that."

She really hoped Shitty got home soon. Now that she had vented, she actually wanted to talk.

It was good to crawl into bed. It was only half-made, as usual, but Duckie and Mr. Steggy were in their proper places as they should be. She smiled, remembering how Shitty had literally squeed with delight when she first introduced him to her childhood plushie.

She hugged both stuffed animals to her and fell asleep.

She was woken up what felt like just a minute later when a naked Shitty tried to pry Mr. Steggy out of her grasp.

"You're hogging the cuddle-buddies," he whispered.

"You snooze, you lose."

"Excuse you, but I was not the one snoozing, Ms. Duan."

She laughed and let Shitty take the plush stegosaurus. He slid into bed and snuggled close. She leaned in and kissed him deep, curling one hand around the back of his head so she could play with his hair. God, she was so glad he was growing it out again.

He ran his fingers down the curve of her waist and up the rise of her hip, but it was an inquiry rather than a request. She kissed him again, then pulled back. "Just this," she said. "And can I talk to you about something?"

She felt him tense defensively but then relax. The first had been automatic, the second, deliberate. "Okay?"

"First of all, yes, there is some money shit tied up in all of this, so I need to know it's okay to talk about money. Otherwise, this is going to be frustrating as hell."

It said something that all he did was nod in agreement. They had figured out quickly that their difference in background made financial discussions a big-ass mine field. They'd had a rough start, but now they used safe words more when talking about money than they did when having sex.

Lardo thought more couples should follow their example.

"I got a solid lead on a job today."

His face lit up. "What! That's–"

She covered his mouth with her hand. "Let me finish, okay? And if you lick my hand, I will pluck your mustache out hair by hair. Nod if you understand."

He nodded. She removed her hand.

"Here's the problem. If I take this job, I'll have to quit the gallery job and cut back my time with the Rockets. Maybe even quit."

"Okay," he said. She could tell he had a question, but was holding it. For now.

"Starting out, it would mean less money. Not a lot less, but..." But it had been enough to trigger a crisis that required copious amounts of wine to solve. "And the commute would suck."

"Okay."

He wanted to say he would fix it, that he would make up the difference. She could see it. But he stayed quiet, and she loved him all the more for it.

"But that would only be at first. Part of what I'd be doing is training to take on someone else's job when he retires next year. And it would be decent money. I...”

She let go.

“I thought that wasn't important to me! I know I'm worth more than the money I make! I know my art is damned good art even if it takes me forever to get to where I can do it full time! So what's wrong with me that I'm ready to throw away an art gallery job—a fucking Newbury Street gallery job!—so I can make more money a whole year from now!"

Shitty actually raised his hand sheepishly, as if he was a student in her class. "Um, so what is this job, anyway?"

That was enough to get her to laugh, and laughing gave her an excuse to wipe away the tears that had started to well. "Details, details... Yeah. George Martin said she's got an opening for an assistant equipment manager-slash-logistics person."

"George Martin? As in Jack's George? Falcs George?" Shitty's eyes were wide. "Holy guacamole doesn't even begin to cover it. So, what are you thinking?"

"In a lot of ways, it makes sense to keep the gallery job. No, it's not my kind of art." Honestly, it was more the sort of thing she imagined hanging in Shitty's grandparent's house. "But it's good experience to see that side of things for when I start selling my own things. And then there's the networking. It would be the practical thing to–"

She stopped, listening to what she was about to say, and hearing the echo of her mother's voice.

"Lards?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you still have time to do your art? If you take this other job?"

She shrugged. "Yeah. I don't see why not."

Shitty reached out and took her hand. He rubbed his thumb up and down her wrist, stroking and soothing. "When you said you would have to quit your gallery job and maybe not work as much with the kiddos on the Rockets, I almost said something."

She nodded. She had caught that.

"What I almost said was that you sounded more upset about cutting back your work with the kids than you did about quitting the gallery completely."

"Holy shit," she whispered. It was as if someone had pulled aside the curtain hiding Oz the Great and Terrible.

She didn't like the gallery. She liked the idea of the gallery. She liked that even after she had decided that the world wouldn't end if she didn't get a job in the arts right away, this opportunity dropped in her lap. She liked what she had been learning from her boss and the new appreciation she had for mid-century American art.

What she didn't like was dressing up like she worked in a law office. She didn't like the way some buyers treated paintings like investment properties. She didn't like being a salesperson/hostess.

And she really didn't like how many clients reminded her of Shitty's grandparents.

But she loved her hockey kids.

"You're right. But..."

"But?"

She gently plucked Mr. Steggy from Shitty's grasp and set him on the nightstand. Duckie followed a second later, and Lardo wriggled as close to Shitty as she could. "But you've given me a lot to think about." She tilted her head so she could kiss his chin. "G'night."

There was no need to make a decision just then, even though she was pretty sure what it would be. There were just a few things she had to think through, first.

She felt like something big had shifted, or was about to shift, and that the future was going to be something she had never imagined. But that was okay.

She had Shitty. And in a different way, she had Ransom and Holster, and Jack and Bitty.

And, as Holster had said, they had her back.

#omgcp #omgcheckplease #lardo duan #my fic

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secretsfromwholecloth · 4 years

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Watcher as Companion: Eiheune

While I’m here, may as well do one of these for the new girl, too.

If your Watcher, or other Pillars OC, was a recruitable companion instead of the main character, how and where would they be introduced to the main party?

You’re first introduced to Eiheune “Hentzin” Manoi as a minor NPC at the Hall of Revealed Mysteries in Defiance Bay. She’s a cute, fun counterpoint to the seriousness of Grimda and her fellows. Maybe she helps you with an alternate method of liberating The Theories of Pandgram for Nedyn—or maybe she pranks her by having you pass along a book that turns out to be something else entirely.

Fast forward five years, and you’re taking a stroll through the Sacred Stair when hey, look, it’s that giggly aumaua again. She’s probably pissed off at least one of the other congregations by barging into their space and Waeling it up. Probably giving them an argument, too. As far as she’s concerned, Captain Stompy is a fine argument for her “sometimes the world makes no damn sense and we have to find our own answers” philosophy, so when you turn out to be following him (which also means getting far away from the pissed-off Magranites/Gaunites/Berathians who are now looking at her funny), she can’t join you quickly enough. Besides, you said that thing was Eothas? Her Waelites do a lot of important teaching and scientific work back home, but they’ve never been the only game in town. She has friends in the Eothasian congregation. Time to get a closer look at what they see in him.

What would their companion quest involve?

Eiheune is part of the “I only wanted to do research!” squad along with her “sisters” Sikkerneq and possibly Clelia. So, you help her do some research, looking for Waelite texts and going on a pilgrimage to the Hall of the Unseen. What does she find there? Maybe a text that says something that gets to her, maybe a person she couldn’t help, maybe a shrine or dream that doesn’t feel the way she was expecting. Time to talk about what she’s doing and why and whether it’s the best choice.

What traits would affect their approval, positively or negatively?

Benevolent and Clever responses are the sovereign method of gaining her approval. Dourness, bluntness, and excessive gravitas put her off, and please try not to be too mean about the whole Waelite priestess thing. She does important work in between all the shenanigans.

Which other companions would they get along with, and which would they bicker with, in Party Banter?

In no particular order besides “I thought of these ones first”, as per usual:

She likes Edér quite a bit, at first. He’s fun, easygoing, and reminds her of some of her congregants back home, and the values and philosophy that underpin her priesting square up pretty neatly with those of Night Market!Edér, if she learns about the gods’ origins. Later on, once the party starts meeting orlans and he won’t shut the Hel up about his Opinions(tm) about them, she starts to wonder if he has a fetish or something. Good luck convincing her that he doesn’t. She still enjoys spending time with him, but dude is totally an orlan chaser. Anyway, she will absolutely be on hand to try and comfort him in her own Wael-tastic way after his quest. Whether it works, well, that’ll depend on a few things.

Aloth has exactly the sort of personality that makes it the least surprising thing in the world that he was mixed up with a Woedican organization. Eiheune doesn’t love it, but she can see where he’s in need of help. Even destroyer!Aloth is in for some well-meaning lectures.

Eiheune and Xoti make a real effort to be friends and support each other at first. The wheels come off pretty quickly when it turns out that their worldviews are fundamentally opposed—Xoti is 100% certain of everything Gaun wants from her and kith in general, and she wants nothing more than for everyone else to be equally certain of her rightness. Eiheune will not be able to resist rubbing it in when Xoti turns out to be quite wrong.

Maia is in for a lot of curious questioning about Rauatai; the Cuostei are more or less distant relatives of today’s Rauataians, and there’s been occasional intermarriage over the centuries, but Eiheune’s never actually been there.

Tekēhu is cute and fun but a little vapid for her tastes. At first. She comes around when it turns out he just needed more experience of the world to really set the gears turning in his head.

Serafen, over time, ends up becoming one of her best friends in the party, though he’s politely firm about not wanting to hear too much Wael stuff from her. She takes it well.

Pallegina is pretty much everything she dislikes, and it’s almost certainly mutual, but they can set aside their differences long enough to be curious together about the progress being made by animancers and other scientists.

Eiheune is pretty certain that Rekke is an actual gift from Wael—he’s sweet, attractive, up for shenanigans, full of interesting stories, and willing to talk religion without making her feel like she’s banging her head on a wall the way Xoti does. Ixamitl and Seki, if they’re not actually distant relatives, bear enough of a resemblance to each other to make it seem that way and give Eiheune an easier time of picking up a little of it while Rekke learns Aedyran, and in short order the two of them are discussing Wael only knows what in some kind of unholy Sekxamidyran hybrid.

She comes in for a bit of needling from Konstanten, because she’s a tiny baby who is silly and cute and enjoyable to gently poke fun at. She absolutely gives it back to him.

That is some attitude on Fassina. She is absolutely getting pranked the moment her back is turned. Nothing destructive, just a little signal to stop mistaking meanness for a personality.

Ydwin doesn’t get on with her for similar reasons to Pallegina. Eiheune puts a heroic effort into staying interested for the first five minutes of pompous lecturing and then can’t maintain it anymore.

Vatnir clearly needs help. Eiheune tried, she really did. Ugh, Rymrgand worshippers.

Would they be romanceable? Would they end up in a romance with another companion, if both were left unromanced (à la Maia & Xoti)?

So, uh, the whole aro thing. Her “romance” would function most like Serafen’s, if anything. It’s no skin off her nose if you want to call yourself her lover, but the label means nothing to her, and she doesn’t much care. And you sure as Hel don’t own her. Insist on monogamy at your peril.

I wasn’t kidding about the “fucking her way through the party” thing, either—she doesn’t understand “romance” as a separate category, its trappings make her uncomfortable, and as far as she’s concerned, sex is something you do with your friends. And these are nearly all her friends. (And hey, the only two other aumaua being a cis woman and a godlike means no worries about pregnancy!) She’s likely to sleep with (or at least offer to) pretty much all the men except for Vatnir (yes, even destroyer!Aloth in a particularly charitable moment, though grandmaster!Aloth is probably a bridge too far), plus Maia. Which of them are interested enough to take her up on her offer is another matter. And she doesn’t go back to Tekēhu more than once or twice, because their sexual personalities are badly incompatible.

Would anything make them leave the party, or would they be there for the long haul?

Tank her approval and her gentle trolling becomes mean-spirited mockery when she can’t just avoid you, but I think she’d be too invested in following this Eothas thing to the end to actually leave. Prepare to be hit with a quick Arkemyr’s Dazzling Lights and some loud swearing when you part ways after Ukaizo, though.

I’m going to take the liberty of adding a question of my own, since it’s something I’ve thought about: What would her approval conversations look like?

-1: She philosophizes pointedly about how kith deal with being wrong about major things.

-2: “Watcher, we...we need to talk. What in Eora are you doing? What is any of this meant to accomplish? What answer are you looking for?” Piss her off further and, while she won’t leave, she just might refuse to talk to you for the rest of the game.

+1: “Thanks for having me along. It’s been exciting. Eye-opening.” She giggles at her own pun. “Did I ever tell you about my ordination?” The story is rather on the nose at times; she’s blindfolded, stripped of her vestments, handed a “holy relic” that turns out to be a rusty watering can, and left in the middle of a labyrinth, which she has to traverse to get her clothes back before finding her way to the group of priests and acolytes to reveal to them the wisdom contained in the “relic”. True? Probably. You never quite know with Waelites.

+2: On the heels of a chat about your respective views on the whole situation out there, “You’re my friend, right? And with any luck, you will be for a long time. I want you to know that I do not love by halves. If you need something of me, if you want me to share your bed, you need only ask.” Perk up at the mention of bed-sharing to trigger her “romance”, or tell her “thanks but no thanks” to turn her down. Or berate her, if you’re a monster. And maybe her love comes with a gift, like Serafen’s—a scrap of handmade ribbon that she’s put a blessing on, wearable in the head or neck or maybe waist slot. Maybe as a trinket, if we really want to have fun. Of course she used her tablet-weaving skills to create an eye pattern, what do you take her for?

#pillars of eternity #watcher wednesday #watcher Eiheune

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bottseveryflavorbeans · 5 years

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Masterpost of my fics on AO3

So I wanted to have a place to show off all my fics and I have finally gotten around to puttting them all on a list here so I can share it.

I hope some of you read my stuff and enjoy it. I had a lot of fun writing these, especially the memoir-esque on (Harry Potter and the Sexual Awakening) and my current WIP, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in Strange Magic becasue it’s sort of detective-noir/urban fantasy.

If you read any and like them, stop by and say hi!

1. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in Strange Magic (37K WIP update weekly, M/E)

Summary: It’s been five years since the Battle of Hogwarts and Harry Potter is an auror, who catches wind of a series of magical surges that he thinks are linked to something insidious, but with a mildly tarnished reputation, he has a hard time convincing people of the problem especially so soon after the war. Harry joins forces with unexpected allies to help him find the source of the magical surges and save the wizarding world again, even if it means going against the very Ministry for which he works.

Main Tags: auror!Harry, potionsmaster!Draco, case fic, slow burn/slow build, lots of angst and sadness (be warned), some triggers like mention of past rape/abuse, mystery, suicidal thoughts, detrustive behavior, EWE, bi!Harry, gay!Draco

2. A Series of Unfortunate Ghosts (26K, E)

Summary: It’s sixth year and Draco Malfoy’s life is about to change thanks to some meddlesome ghosts who show him the path he is on is not the only path for him. Between their ghoulish advice and some deep soul searching, Draco regains some of the hope he lost.

Main Tags: sixth year au, Christmas carol themed, established relationship, angst, mention of past abuse

3. The Beginning of Something to Savor (5K, M)

Summary: Draco is out to blow off steam when he spots Harry Potter, crying, at the bar. He goes over, like a good partner should, to check on Harry completely out of a sense of what is right and not at all having to do with Draco’s little crush.

Main Tags: auror partners, sexual tension, post Hogwarts

4. Say it Again (9K, M)

Summary: After Yule Ball (in 8th year), Draco finds himself at an after party on the Durmstrang ship locked in the headmasters bathroom. He is trying to calm himself down, manages it, but then Harry Potter throws a wrench in things.

Main Tags: 8th year, second triwizard tournament, Yule ball, first kiss, drinking games

5. An Invite to Dance (3K, T)

Summary: This is a Western AU where Draco (Drake Mal) has stolen a gun, his gun, back from Harry ( Golden Harold Potts).

Drake has been on the run, trying to stay ahead of Golden Harold Potts, but each time he thinks he’s outrun the sheriff, he finds himself face to face with his foe. Golden Harold caught up to him and interrupted his drink, so they duel.

Main Tags: western au, auror partners, POV Draco

6. Pride and Prejudice and Mr. Harry J. Potter (6K, T)

Summary: Draco Malfoy is on the outside of society life after his family was tried for aligning themselves with Voldemort. The only thing that saved him was the intervention of one Mr. Harry J. Potter, the wizarding worlds most well-regarded man. Draco, who has been smitten with Mr. Potter feels rejected and when meeting him at a ball, decides to manintain his dignity and refuse to engage with Mr. Potter. *This is a Pride and Prejudiuce inspired piece*

Main Tags: pride and prejudice au, dancing, banter, angst with a happy ending, fluff, one shot

7. Snow Falling on Us (5K, T)

Summary: This is a (belated) Christmas fic...I hope you all are still in the mood for it. It is Christmas Eve, Draco has roped Harry into helping him break into Snapes potions stores for an ingredient. Harry agrees because he owes Draco for all his help in potions. So invisibility cloak in hand, they head off to Snapes stores, but things go wrong and they end up in detention on Christmas Eve.

Main Tags: Christmas Eve, fluff, snowball fight

8. Seeker’s Games (7K, T)

Summary: Harry and Draco met on the pitch to play a seekers game. It turns into a regular thing and while it started as a way to get out frustrations and play quidditch since 8th years weren’t allowed on the house teams, it grew into something more.

Main Tags: 8th year, one shot, flirting, quidditch, seekers, midnight meetings, friends to lovers

9. Threats and Promises (11K WIP, E)

Summary: This is the Voldemort wins AU that no one asked for, and yet...Voldemort wins the war and takes Harry, Hermione, and Ron prisoner because he has decided they are more valuable alive, at least for now. They are kept at Malfoy Manor since Lucius has proven to be a resourceful and reliable minion. The task of torturing the trio for information on the whereabouts of any remaining rebels falls to Draco. This duty is one Draco willingly accepts. His other duties are much less pleasant. At least in the cellar, Draco has control and power over his captors—it is especially alluring when it comes to Harry.

**This is a WIP that is currently on pause while I finish other things

Main Tags: au Voldemort wins, prisoner Harry, torture, hate sex, violence, abuse

10. A Night on the Town (1K, M)

Summary: This is a fun, short one-shot where Draco and Harry are on their way to a party being thrown in Harry's honor. And Harry doesn't know if it's the fancy limo Draco got them, or the excitement of officially becoming Draco's boyfriend, but he can't keep his hands off of him.

Main Tags: smut, limo sex, dirty talk, established relationship

11. When Desire Comes Calling (3K, M)

Summary: This is a one-shot based off of a prompt. "I'll be right back with your drinks," Harry mumbled, avoiding Draco's gaze and thanking the gods that he pretended not to know him. He wasn’t ready to acknowledge Draco just yet anyway. Almost getting caught & biting.

Main Tags: post Hogwarts, past relationship, Harry is a bartender, exhibitionism, public sex

12. Always Some Madness in Love (9K, T)

Summary: This is a collection of conversations that Harry has with people. I wanted to try and write a story from Harry's perspective, but only focused on one person at a time and have the story unfold that way. So each chapter is a just Harry and that person talking about his situation with Draco, in one form or the other. Harry is in love and doesn't know what to do, but when Ginny figures it out, he realizes he is in deep and needs adivce on how to deal with the fact that he loves Draco Malfoy, whom he get's reaquanted with two years after The Battle of Hogwarts because they both play recreational Quidditch.

Main Tags: slow burn, angst, fluff, post Hogwarts, auror Harry, unspeakable Draco

13. An Unrelenting Hunger (Under 1K, T)

Summary: Just a small, slightly erotic drabble about our favorite neighborhood wizards, Harry "I am so suave" Potter and Draco "I am so oblvious" Malfoy.

Main Tags: seduction, flirting, one shot

14. The Bet (1.5K, T)

Summary: It's eighth year and house unity is at it's peak. After an evening of drinking firewhiskey, Harry and Draco get into a disagreement about which of them is more seductive. Draco claims that Harry wouldn't know what to do, even if he tried. However, Harry knows there is at least one person who cannot resist him; Draco Malfoy. The bet is on. Who will emerge the victor?

Main Tags: 8th year, bets, dirty talk, seduction, drinking

15. Girls Just Wanna (6K, M)

Summary: This takes place two months after Harry and Draco get together (See: Harry Potter and the Sexual Awakening). They are throwing an engagement party for Neville and Blaise, but Draco is still in "I want Harry all to myself" mode, so when Ginny interrupts Draco littering kisses all over his new boyfriend, he convinces Ginny to go flirt with Pansy. After all, Ginny did say Pansy had a nice arse.

Main Tags: bathroom sex, spin off from series, female slash

16. Harry Potter and the Sexual Awakening (33.7K, M)

Summary: Harry Potter gets outed by Rita Skeeter in a recent Daily Prophet article and decides to take matters into his own hands. He decides to write a tell-all that everyone wants, the story of how he came to terms with his sexuality. What no one, especially Draco Malfoy, expects is this book doubles as a love letter to someone Harry calls, L.B. In the midst of being assigned to read and review Potter's new book, Draco realizes that some of the stories Potter tells in his book seem a little too familair. Thus, bringing up old feelings about the man.

Main Tags: slow burn, angst, lots of sex, past relationships, new relationships, memoir esque, POV switches, Draco pines a lot, Draco is shy

17. Hot for Teacher (15K WIP, M)

Summary: The students at Hogwarts are playing a dangerous game with Love Potions. Harry Potter is the Auror assigned to deal with the recent thefts from Hogwarts' Potions Professor and find the person behind the Love Potions. What Harry is not ready to deal with is his resurfacing feelings for none other than Potions Professor, Draco Malfoy.

**This is a WIP that is currently on pause while I finish other things

Main Tags: post Hogwarts, hogwarts professors neville and Draco, smut, auror Harry

18. Professor Malfoy Likes it Dirty (2.2K, M)

Summary: Draco Malfoy, Hogwarts newest Potions Professor, has a crush (a sex-dream-induced-crush) on Hogwarts very own Herbology Professor, Neville Longbottom.

Main Tags: a flirtation that leads to something hot, hogwarts professors

19. Song of my Soul (26.5K, T)

Summary: Harry is having nightmares again and just when he thinks there is nothing to help him, he hears a song. The song is coming from the Room of Requirement and it is beautiful. Without realizing it, the song helps Harry fall asleep. Harry finds he is desperate to know who is playing the song and Hermione thinks up a clever way to help.

Main Tags: slow burn, 8th year, romance, talent show, anonymous love

20. A Taxi, an Old Enemy, and Valentine’s Day (2.8K, T)

Summary: Harry, recently dumped, is being set up by Ron and Hermione and on Valentine's day no less. Harry of course is sort of sad and needs time to think before arriving at the Valentine's dinner, so he takes a cab which he ends up sharing with Draco Malfoy.

Main Tags: fluff, Valentine’s Day, one shot

21. Seven Minutes with Draco Malfoy (25.6K, M)

Summary: Harry was scared. Scared that he didn’t quite hate Malfoy anymore and wondered when that had happened and how he had not noticed it. Scared that he like being in this situation a little too much.

Main Tags: drinking games, 8th year, seven mins in heaven, slow burn

#drarry squad #drarry #harry potter #draco malfoy #drarry feels #drarry fanfic #drarry slowburn fic #drarry case fic #drarry au #drarry endgame #drarry fanfiction #drarry one shot #drarry drabble #drarry fic rec #my writing #my writing on ao3 #drarry ao3 #drarry fandom

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mikazukikannagisjourney · 5 years

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Know THYSELF: The Importance of Knowing who You are, and why this Matters

Subtitle: This super-long post also has some tips somewhere in the end =)

Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing well.

I was gonna post a spiritual log but I got guided to write this, after I reviewed my own stuff aka my natal birth chart, my human design and the gene keys I was born with. To be honest, knowing the self is probably, and in my opinion the best gift you can give your self, as well as others. Because truth be told, some of the most miffing people out there, (based on my experiences) are those who don’t know what they want, if they actually want want they want, or have no idea how to deal with personal issues and stuff because they don’t actually take time to get to know themselves. Inversely, some people are also annoying because they don’t know how to interact with other people, and are too caught-up im in their own worlds to even care or think that they may have hurt other people by being too-self-absorbed. Spoiler alert: I WAS and probably am still on this entire spectrum so I am not saying that I have transcended this whole dilemma and I am better than anyone else. Lol that would be a dream tho, not.

*If you click the links you can get your own charts generated, just add your birth date, exact birth time, and more or less exact birth location, if you wanna learn more stuff down the rabbit hole*

OK, now that the intro-ish stuff has been brought down with, I shall formally start this very long-ish post by writing stuff about why it is important to know your self.

Partial Self-awareness: The myth that you already know everything you know about yourself right now, but some part of you says otherwise.

Well, that sucks right? I mean, no matter how much you say you know what you want or you are completely sure about something major about your self, there is at least a 10% chance that you may have missed a spot. And this normally won’t make itself known until you start forming relationships outside of your own zone: friends, workmates or schoolmates, lovers, mentor-student relationships, even having pets or kids. Normally when we are by ourselves, at the very least we feel a bit more confidence, strength, even some self-love. Because we see ourselves through our own lenses, albeit tinted at times. However, once we start seeing ourselves through the eyes of other people, as well as getting stimuli that are often beyond our realm of control, we often get surprised, and we start acting out of character. And by that I mean out of the character that we thought we knew, in a negative way. Left unchecked, unassessed, or even ignored, this anger or frustration goes on to become triggering mechanisms that would eventually sap us of our good vibes, our zest for life, or even wanting to go out and get some sun, or moon, or stars. In really worst cases, not knowing the self fully can cause self-sabotage in the form of self-doubt, insecurities, jealousy, having zero initiatives, you know, stuff that can make or break relationships. And if you already invested a lot of emotional, financial, and whatever attachment to these things, losing them can really hurt like hell, which leads to more self-sabotaging behaviors, more ruined stuff, and so on. Like a gut-wreching death spiral that only sees death as an end goal.

But don’t worry, it’s not all doom and gloom, for if you know yourself fully, and chose to heal or change what needs to be changed: attitudes, beliefs, mindsets, perspectives, the stuff that relies on your own perceptions, then at least half of the issues become readily solved.

How?

By learning how to recognize patterns of behaviors and responses that were causing the self-sabotage in the first place, and doing stuff to change them so that instead of feeling down and worthless, you instead regain your self-composure, your balance, and most importantly, you become EMPOWERED. YOu grow to become a better version of yourself. See? I told you the importance of this cannot be stressed even more lol.

But seriously... You might start asking “How come I didn’t even know these?”

Well, actually, your conscious monkey brain doesn’t, but your deeper than an iceberg subconscious sure knows. Not that it’s smarter than your conscious or anything. It’s just more powerful though, because it has more storage capacity and won’t budge no matter how many times you do your affirmations or what. Not that I bash affirmations, goodness no, They’re very helpful with proper usage. But the subconscious mind is a lot thicker than your skull, and more often than not everything it has learned won’t just simply go away no matter how much motivational speeches or conscious affirmations you do. Well, for me and a whole bunch of people who bashed the Law of Attraction when we first tried it. Around 90-95% of the trial users lolol I am trying to make the mood happy here ok? Also don’t be angry at your subconscious mind, it’s the reason why you can sing sappy songs while riding a bike or driving your car. It’s also the reason why you could just start making pancakes without needing a book, assuming you have been cooking it all your life. It has some cool skills too, you know. But when it comes to chasing our dreams and our happiness, despite our best and intentioned efforts, the subconscious mind can either help us tremendously or be our biggest hater, basher, and even barrier and blockage.

This is because the subconscious mind has greater capacity, as well as a deeper connection to your outer world. It sucks to know and hear this but yes. After doing subliminals for 2 years and just now getting the hang of it and getting some harsh unwanted results due to my own unresolved issues,yes, this is a very painful truth. And this is where the idea of gaining power by knowing yourself comes to play.

Why?

So you can heal your own wounds. Resolve your own personal issues. Become closer and more connected with other people, in deeper ways. And most importantly, be a better person than ever before. All with the help of your subconscious mind.

*Quick reminder, the subconscious mind can be likened to a recorder. By itself it does only one thing: PLay recorded stuff. Unless you push “Record” in order to change a track in the tape (or memory card yeah I work with both types lolol), it can’t change the stuff that were already written on it, and it will only play whatever tracks are already recorded in it. Forever. Click here to learn more about this dual-sided nature of the subconscious mind and how such changes can affect our genetics, through DNA methylation. Trust me, we learned this stuff back in college and is only appearing out now.*

Yay, the first part of this post is already done! NOw let’s move on to the next two. I shall base my stuff on HUman Design because aside from it working for me, I haven’t seen anything like it that helped me learn even more about myself, amybe a lot deeper than getting natal birth charts. Not an expert but you can check the materials here. It’s one big rabbit hole if you wanna read more into it. You’ll need your human design chart though.

There are two ways of learning who we truly are: learn directly or indirectly.

1. Learning who the self is, directly.

*If you already got your human design chart, please check if you’re a Generator: Pure Generator or a Manifesting Generator (has the 20-34 channel connected, throat to sacral center aka the red square in the belly part of your diagram) because this is for you. All other types are in #2, but since this is for you to learn who you are, or who you are not, you can read this part too*

Well, that should be easy, right? Well, yeah, easy on paper, but not gonna lie it’s quite challenging to do in real life. BEcause learning how to do it involves a lot of taking risks, gaining new experiences, meeting new people, going to new places, and all that enrichment stuff. BAsically going out of your comfort zone. I’m not saying you should abandon all your core values here. But if you’re only not wanting to do something because you’re scared (i.e. you are uninitiated with meeting new people through dating apps) and not because you’re going against your personal values (i.e. being forced by a bunch of friends to go on a date with someone that harassed you when you already stood your ground and asserted yourself to this person), well the former is a component of your comfort zone and should be expanded, by all means.

Basically, just be open to new and expansion-making experiences. Doesn’t need to be grand. You can start with going back to old hobbies, adding new skillsets to those you already have, read books that you normally wouldn’t read, stuff like that. Or expand your current knowledge on what you already know.

You can also start from scratch, learn something new, or try out something that scares the heck out of you, like learning trigonometry or advanced calculus, or learning the mechanisms of cell-signalling cascades lolol not kidding there though. Meet new people in classes, events, or just try participating in online forums as a noob. Watch a movie that you didn’t wanna watch and never did because of all the bad reviews, but this time with an open mind and heart.

Or do someting cathartic, like CLEANING. Clean your house, clean your inboxes, clean your friends list, your phone contacts, and don’t forget to clean your mind of the subconscious garbage, because seriously that’s a lot more hard work than unfriending a bunch of people lolol but I am serious here. People uinderestimate the energizing effects of cleaning, because it literally removes energetic cords, it clears the energetic field (yours) and I have to tell you that as a person who just moved into a new place, seriously cleaning is both an annoying and a rewarding experience. It can help you assess your values in life, what matters most to you, and what makes you happy. Even before Marie Kondo started her stuff, I was already doing this since college. That was almost a lifetime ago. Dang I feel old, and fabulous lol.

But then you might ask, “WHy am I doing this, exactly?”

So you can learn what you like and don’t like. What gives you joy and what doesn’t. What makes you happy and what makes you feel effed up. Not that it gives a more solid self-identity, but rather it allows you to be fluid, and gives you a chance to be on both sides of the fence. So that you can give better opinions and suggestions. But at the same time also empathetic to the ideas of people on the other side of the fence. You can even be a better friend or lover or companion who can spread your joy and love, especially since Generators have the type of aura that is welcoming and energizing to others (my Projector friend told me so, she feels great after we had our gabfest and after I give her card readings. lolol shameless self-promo). Comprising roughly 70% something of the world’s population, if all of the generators consistently do their best in knowing who they truly are, miracles can happen, and there would be less annoyance and frustration, and more satisfaction in our daily lives. In turn, we get to channel more high vibrational energies to everyone else on the planet. As a Generator like you (I’m actually a Manifesting Generator, still same more or less), this is our gift: to share others our enduring strength by energizing ourselves as well as the people around us. Which is why seriously, now is the best time to be open on both sides because in the midst of all the current (and probably will only escalate more) chaos, you only need your inner guide, your personal compass, and knowing that you are confident with your choices because YOU had the actual experience only makes you even more powerful, because you can truly speak from the heart. Not everyone can do that, because the other people who are scared to take this leap just stay on one side for their entire lives. You’re born to be better and stronger than that, so just do it. (Or not, just trust your gut. We are gut peeps lolol no really, that’s part of our design) Also, based on your design (a defined aka solid sacral center, the square under the diamond shape) you have more than the usual capacity to endure, and to allow things to happen for you based on your gut instincts. Even when the going gets tough.

Additional important note: As Generators (the workforce of the world lol but yeah really), because our sacral centers are defined aka solid (especially when combined with a defined solar plexus center aka a yellow triangle at the right side of the square) this means that we innately have a strong sense of self: who we are and what we want, or don’t want. Or we don’t easily get influenced, even if we were conditioned to be. Thus, our power lies in knowing who we are, and knowing who we are gives us consistency, reliability, and ultimately satisfaction in our choices and decisions. That is how we generate our power, by following our gut feelings and following through till we complete our task or goal. After finishing it beautifully as expected (of us lol), it gives us a wonderful sense of completion, and it makes us feel great about ourselves. We trust ourselves better. And this is a form of self-mastery that can really give you peace. However, self-doubt, not following through, or not asserting ourselves takes away our precious power, which leaves us drained, exhausted, burnt-out, angry and frustrated, well, basically stuff that leads to depression and not to mention a really weak physique, and we really need to have a strong body for all of our motor centers aka the stuff that helps make things happen) to be at tip-top shape. This whole shite happened to me way back because I just kept myself getting trampled even though I was already unhappy with my work and how I was being treated, all for the sake of getting some cash. I basically gave my power and self-worth away, and I ended up with a really horrible (now a somewhat chronic) back pain (I am currently having this condition as I type this now. It popped up due to my need to release anger, see previous Thought log lol) and even deeper depression. While it may take us a bit shorter time to recover compared to other types, it still sucks that we have to stay in recovery, and in a whole lot of pain. So preventing burnout by doing what we love (that’s where we get even more energies to do a whole truckload of work) and attaining a strong sense of self-satisfaction and self-love is really what we need to push ourselves towards self-improvement and to attain a more fulfilling and magical life.

Basically, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. That’s exactly my point.

2. Learning who the self is, indirectly

*Check your chart if you’re a Manifestor, a Projector, or a Reflector, this is for you. Sorry if the stuff won’t be as rich as the previous one since I have more experiences as a Generator, Also I based these on some Projectors I know lol haven’t met an actual Manifestor or Reflector they’re like around 9% and 1% of the population respectively, so if you’re either, please don’t hesitate to say HI. But if you’re a Generator, especially a Manifesting Generator, feel free to read lol*

So if you happen to read the entire segment on Generators, and you’re not one, I’ll give you a pat on the back (or hugs if you want), that was a lot of stuff to read. And it isn’t even for you. But ironically, if you happened to read it, then you just did some learning about yourself INDIRECTLY. TA-DAH!

But I am not making a bamboozle here. What I said was something that many people actually base or formulate their own opinions with. By interacting with others, they learn more about themselves by hearing many perspectives, churning them into their own brand of butter, and eventually formulating something out of it. Unless you’re a Manifestor, you just say the word and people make your butter lolol yeah really.

But seriously, for people with this method of learning about the self based on outside sources is even better and more effective than trying to figure out things on their own. Having the opinion or experiences of others (most-likely a Generator because there’s more of us lolol the power of Statistics) is a better option in learning (i.e. you watch what experts do instead of doing all of the available options out there by yourself) than trying out what works because having to do stuff through a process of trial and error can actually put an energetic strain on these three types. While Generators can do all of that trial and error thingy because of their scarily solid willpower and their strong energy centers aka the sacral center, because this is not defined aka clear and white as a ghost for Manifestors, Projectors and Reflector types, it means that whatever energies you already had will be readily depleted, and recovery can take a long time, even when you feel like you exerted only a little effort. Trust me when I say that what you did was more than enough if you felt like you just wanna lay down and sleep for the entire day, or week.

If you’re wondering how I had in idea on why this is so, well...

I don’t know about the other two types since I don’t personally know of any Manifestor or Reflector, but I guess having a Projector younger brother who gets exhausted playing games if he tries to figure stuff on his own and a Projector friend who gets easily drained after getting duped by other people to become a sounding board and later regrets it before ending up in a daze really helps me better understand open sacral center types a bit better. I just compare them to myself in similar situations, and assessing what happens to them after I give them a piece of my mind or whatever. For my brother, aside from watching video tutorials or reading GameFaqs (lol) based on whether I watched him play or not, just chatting with him while he slays demons, monsters, or whatever he’s playing at the moment sorta extends his play time by about 30mins at least compared to when I don’t appear around him to watch. He’s probably unaware though lolol BUt my Projector friend who is also one of my Soul Sisters and is quite familiar with Human Design (because I pushed her to get an overiew aka me explaining her chart to her and she actually realizing how legit the whole thing is lolol Manifesting Generator issues hahaha) actually tells me that each time we chat on the phone, she gets readily-grounded and energized, as well as having a better sense of herself after the call. I won’t exactly know if it’s because of me being a Generator who naturally does it, or because she gets free extended readings (lolol again, shameless self-promo here), or just the combination of getting her questions answered as well as getting her energetic fix. She just tells me that she feels depleted at the beginning of the call, after geting caught up and too-anxious on thinking what to do, why things happen, basically the mind starts running so fast But then she gets super-excited and revived during and before ending the call, because she receives clarity on what she needs to do, even if it makes no sense to me logically. And I weirdly after that can still go on and gab some more, I sometimes even do chores after that.

So what is the point of this segment about Projectors?

Well, it has two points:

Sometimes it is easier to walk the pavement than make it. Unless you’re a Manifestor who initiates things. But (then again, this just means that they’ll make the layout, the others will just do the manual labor) they can only do so much with their own power, and it would be a bit helpful for them to ask aid from other people like filling in the other “back-end” stuff that needs to be done aka follow through with the details. Being humble and telling people what you plan to do, how it can be done, and putting trust on other people that they will do it the best way they can with their power (because probably they’re Generators lol), can revitalize your energy and creative ideas. Same for Projectors, it is better to just create a plan, and assuming that people were already on board with your plan (because your abilities got recognized, your ideas didn’t get rejected and you felt great) to manage people who can do it through delegation and division of labor (they’re probably Generators because again, statistics lolol honestly I wanna be a Manifestor but nope), and just rest. Sorry, I can’t say much about Reflectors though, but I believe that they need a long time to ruminate things and decide, or else they’ll end up being disappointed with their choices and feeling even more disempowered.

Learning about other people’s opinions, knowledge and experiences can be rewarding because you not only learn about your own needs in a deeper sense through sifting and distilling of the information carefully, but also by having an idea on what makes the people around you tick. This can help you become really good at catching on their current states, which can improve your communication and rapport with them. It also makes them more receptive of you, especially if you’re a Manifestor because let’s face it, you can be quite intimidating and seem angry all the time (or so they say). It also saves the Projector a lot of disappointment due to rejection because they gain a better sense of not pushing their output into the faces of the people and instead waiting for the right chance aka getting recognized and invited by others to share their stuff. Trust me, a lot of people just wanna share their own unsolicited opinions and advices and while some can take the heat when rejected, others just cannot and it is hard for them to let go, to the point that they think it is a personal attack. Hint: it’s not.

In Conclusion: There is no right or wrong way to know more about your true self.

Any method can actually work for any type, just as long as you don’t feel threatened, compromised, or be under so much stress. Just remember to work with what you’re designed with: Generators can do the trial-and-error thingy, and Manifestors, Projectors and Reflectors can go for other people for their input and other kinds of information sharing so that a consensus can be reached aka you'll get to know better if something is for you or not based on whether you like it or not. Also, you don’t have to rush things (ahem, GENERATORS, AHEM), sometimes going with the flow is just as important as paddling, sometimes it’s even better and gives more magical results.

I hope this super long-post helped you in any way. I did whatever I can within my knowledge and intuition so that this post can be made. If even just one person helps this make their lives better, then this is all worth it.

Thank you very much for reading. Any comment, suggestions, even just a short reply are most welcome. If it helped you in any way, I would love to hear about it.

Be well always, and may you find the healing you seek.

With love and hugs from Source above,

三日月 🌙

Mikazuki

PS. If you found the information in this post to be very helpful, insightful, and of great value to you and your own personal journey, please feel free to reblog, share and heart/like, or if you feel super-generous, energetic exchanges are welcomed! Please click here and use this email address: [email protected]

Thank you so much and be blessed!

#thought log on knowing the self #know thyself #why knowing who you are is very important #know yourself #how to know who you really are #learn who you truly are #learn who you are #know who you are #human design #generators #manifesting generators #projectors #reflectors #manifestors #human design generators #human design manifesting generators #human design manifestor #human design projector #human design reflector

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theheartroad · 7 years

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Day 3

Could you describe the relationship (is it romantic, sexual, symbolic, or any combination)? (it can be as vague or detailed as you are comfortable with or within PG13 bounds)

Well… I feel very… romantic and sexual, yes. But it goes beyond that.

We joke a lot. Or we did before I got so fucking sad and my depression and anxiety got really hard to deal with recently.

He’s really fucking amazing. I don’t know what it is about his dirty sense of humor that is so stupid that it’s delightful and everything that makes me smile… I feel like he tells me jokes in my head a lot of the time I don’t even realize he’s there, and then out of the blue, I’ll start thinking about him and I’ll be like, “PFFFT-LOL. THAT FUCKER. I love him so much, omg. It’s unacceptable…”

Really, deep down at heart, I am very frightened, guarded, vulnerable… But with him I feel like I’m not alone anymore.

Sometimes I fear that he’s doing so much care work for me– soothing my fears, comforting me, taking away my pain, sitting beside me when he can’t, intercepting my over-stimulation and anxiety, covering me with kisses and letting me do the same to him… Letting me love and express love how my scared, trauma-scarred heart can and wants to… Letting me lean on him and soak in his love and comfort into my bones, feeding me strength… that at some point he’ll get tired of me or realize I’m not worth it. And that I should have been doing something… more or better.

I’ve always had this deep physical and emotional need to express worship and devotion with a sexual partner, and instinctual love and affection on a really base and emotional, sensual level… and well. At the same time, I’m a very sensitive person with a lot of triggers who needs to be handled with care. And at this point in my life, I highly doubt that there are human beings who can do this for me– hold this level of care and patience with me and my trauma, while also enjoying me for myself while I enjoy them…

I really resonated with what @edderkopper said about “In order to unfuck me, he’d have to fuck me.” Or something like that… Like there are so many deep layers of shit inside me that I can’t – that I don’t know how to unfuck– that I have to be brought to a sort of worshiping, mindless trance through love and sex and comfort before I can get out my own way in a lot of cases… To stop worrying, or to let go of something, or to unblock something emotionally.

I’ve joked to a friend before that his intent seems to be to fuck me senseless– but in a way, that is one of the actual goals… I’m so tightly wound and over-stimulated and anxious all the rest of the time. It’s one of the ways to actually get my brain to shut up for a second.

I just wish I could offer him more in return, sometimes. He’s said that I do, and it’s still hard to believe.

He does genuinely love me and enjoy my presence. I believe that. And he does want to see me well and joyful and loved and loving. He does seem to want to help me with the sexual repression of over twenty years, and the ability to accept pleasure….

I think he holds back his feelings from me sometimes so as not to overwhelm me. I’ve held other people’s emotions for a long time and taken responsibility for them when I shouldn’t have. I think he’s aware of that and tries to let me go at my own pace without overwhelming me with his feelings. But… I do like the moments when I feel snatches and bits of the incredible love he has and feels for me. When I feel cracks in his stoicism, like something has come loose, and when he bares himself to me with sincerity, I feel like maybe… Maybe I can offer him something…. Maybe I could be worth it.

Did you have any sort of ceremony or ritual to bind you (regardless if it was to tie you together or just for sentimental purposes)?

After we had been in a sexual and romantic relationship for a bit, he kept saying that we were married. –

“Set, what are your intentions with me?” Tarot: The Lovers, 2 of Cups, 10 of Cups… Images with weddings.

Random book-picking at the used book store: Marriage or weddings or engagement rings on the cover.

He basically, from the get-go, indicated he thought of us as already married…. Like– married in a past life, or married in the astral, or something. And when I took that into the context of Nephthys being one of his wives, and Anubis having told me that I was Nephthys (see Day 1&2), I felt…. Very resistant at first.

First, I couldn’t and didn’t want to believe that I could be important to him, because I feared if I allowed myself to believe it, it would all turn out to be some cruel joke and that really it was just an elaborate ruse to expose my arrogance and use me, or something… Then, when I realized he meant it, I was scared of being swallowed by his feelings for someone that I didn’t feel that I was– or was like… What if he wanted Her, and I disappointed him?

Me, sitting on a wall by a fountain, sad: Set… She’s alive in the astral, right? Like… She’s up there somewhere… If you only cared about me for being connected to Her, couldn’t you just talk to her up there?

Set: *patient silence*

Me: …..?

Set: *booping my nose gently* And I talk to you.

Me: …. :)

Anyway… He’s long since proven that he cares about me for human me, so I try not to worry about the other thing much anymore, and just let it be.

When I felt like I needed to make some kind of symbolic bond with him, I tried to think of something that would acknowledge polyamory, and allow me to not feel like I was trapped in a promise I didn’t know if I could keep, and what I came up with was what we called being “heart-bonded.”

The exact words agreed upon were to “love each other as best we can, for as long as our hearts tell us to.” … He seemed to agree and accept that it actually allows us to love each other in different ways and with differing responsibilities (deity responsibility, versus human responsibility). We could be flexible and free without feeling like the promise was broken, nor like the other would ever be there without wanting to be.

How does your relationship differ (or not) from a corporeal romantic/sexual relationship?

It’s not physical (except in the clairtangent sense, or in astral stuff). He’s not living daily maintenance life in my home, nor me in his, so I don’t really see him when he’s exhausted or brushing his teeth or whatever. He often sees me when I’m exhausted though…. And incorporeal beings in general have FINALLY seemed to allow me the boundary of pooping in private most of the time. (Sweet FUCK… That was a struggle.)

Other than that, he’s a literal god, so– crude, joking demeanor aside– he’s quite a bit more mature about emotional stuff and caring for my needs than most, if not all people are.

He also takes on more emotional responsibility in the relationship, I guess, because he is like literally thousands of years old– and even if my soul is that old, I don’t remember it, and don’t have all the experience he has. So it’s less “egalitarian,” but far more loving and respectful of my autonomy than my human parental or romantic relationships were.

Instead of making me food or buying me things, he tells me to make myself food or buy myself things. XD

He even helps me get through the overwhelm of the grocery store, or errands sometimes.

#22dssc #godspouse #god consort #my posts #set god #setdeity

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booksong · 7 years

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Top 10 Books Read In 2016

Bringing this back again this year (and yes I realize March is now almost over, I’m a little late oops), because I really enjoyed putting together a list last year, and one thing I always love in a new year is looking back on the great experiences I’ve had with reading, and hopefully lining up some new recommendations from others to look forward to in the rest of 2017!

2016 was a rough year, but as with so much of my life, books were there to provide comfort, knowledge, escape, and new friends and perspectives. Here are my 10 best titles of them, in no particular order (long post warning as always because it’s me talking about books):

1. Hallucinations by Oliver Sacks

The experience of sensing things that aren’t really there has long been considered a hallmark of the crazy and overemotional. And yet hallucinations have been startlingly well documented in all types of people, and neurologist Oliver Sacks has compiled a wide range of anecdotes, personal accounts and sources, and scientific studies of the various forms they can take. Vivid, complex visual and auditory hallucinations by the deaf and the blind, near-death and out-of-body experiences, phantom limbs, unseen 'presences', supernatural-esque encounters, sleep paralysis, and hallucinations induced by surgery, sensory deprivation, sleep disorders, drugs, seizures, migraines, and brain lesions--Sacks takes all these bizarre (and occasionally terrifying) case studies and conditions and approaches them with an attitude of fascination, curiosity, and clinical appreciation.

I came into this book expecting to hear mostly about things like LSD trips and schizophrenia, which honestly are probably most people's touchstones for the concept of hallucinations. And while there is a single chapter devoted to drug-induced hallucination (with compelling and pretty eerie first hand accounts from the author himself), Sacks barely touches on schizophrenia, setting it aside right away in his introduction in order to focus on other altered brain states I'd barely heard of but found deeply engrossing. One of the things I found most personally fun about this book was that you get tons of potential scientific explanations for a lot of strange phenomena that have puzzled and frightened humans for centuries. Why might so many different cultures have similar folklore about demons and monsters that assault or suffocate people in their beds at night? You find out in the chapter about hypnogogic hallucinations and sleep paralysis. What about things like guardian spirits, demonic presences, the 'light at the end of the tunnel', or historical figures hearing voices from God(s)? There are case studies about them not just in history and theology, but medical science too. Instances of people seeing ghosts, faeries, balls of light, moving shadows in the edges of their vision, or even doppelgangers of themselves? All touched on in this book as part of various differences, injuries, and misfires in people's brains, brain chemistry, and neural makeup. It's really, really cool stuff.

2. Captive Prince trilogy by C.S. Pacat

Prince Damianos of Akielos has everything. He’s a celebrated war hero, a master sportsman, and the heir to the throne, utterly primed to become king. And every bit of is stripped away from him in a single night when his half-brother Kastor stages a coup and ships him off in chains under cover of night. Just like that, Damianos becomes merely Damen, robbed of his power, freedom, and identity—the newest slave in the household of Prince Laurent of Vere. Trapped in an enemy country that shares a bloody history with his own, surrounded by people and customs that confuse, disturb, and disgust him, and under the total control of the icy, calculating and seemingly unfathomable Laurent, Damen has no way of knowing that the only way to return to his rightful throne and homeland will be through strange alliances, brutal battles and betrayals, chess-like political maneuvering and negotiation, and the fragile, complicated, impossible bond he will come to forge with the man he despises the most.

I knocked out this entire trilogy in about two weeks, and it would have been much, much shorter than that if I’d been able to borrow the last book from my friend any sooner (thanks again @oftherose95!!). The second book, Prince’s Gambit, even traveled across the Atlantic and around a good portion of Ireland with me in a black drawstring backpack, and was mostly read in Irish B&Bs each night before bed. The series was the best of what I love in good fanfiction brought onto solid, published paper (and I mean that as the greatest compliment to both fanfic and this series); it had unique, complicated relationship dynamics, broad and interesting worldbuilding, angst and cathartic triumph in turns. It’s a political and military drama, a coming-of-age and character story for two incredibly different young men, and yes, it’s an intensely slow burn enemies-to-friends-to-lovers romance full of betrayal, culture shock, negotiation, vulnerability, power plays, tropes-done-right, and some of the most memorable and delightful banter imaginable, and it will drag your heart all over the damn place because of how fantastically easily you will get invested. Yes, be aware that there are definitely some uncomfortable scenes and potential triggers, especially in the first book (and I promise to answer honestly anyone who’s interested and would like to ask me those types of questions in advance) but in my personal experience the power of the story and the glorious punch of the (ultimately respectful, nuanced, and well-written) relationship dynamics far outweighed any momentary discomfort I had. A huge favorite, not just of this year but in a long while.

3. Where the Dead Pause and the Japanese Say Goodbye by Marie Mutsuki Mockett

After her beloved father dies unexpectedly, the author returns to the Buddhist temple run by the Japanese side of her family, not far from where the Fukushima nuclear disaster claimed the lives of many and made the very air and soil unsafe. She initially goes for two reasons: to help inter and pay respects to her Japanese grandfather’s bones during the Obon holiday, and to find some kind of outlet and solace for her grief. But during her travels she finds more than she ever expected to about Japan, its belief systems, its values, its rituals of death and memory, and the human process of loss.

There are actually two non-fiction books about Japan on my list this year, and they’re both about death, grief, growth, and remembering. It’s a coincidence, but seems oddly fitting now looking back on 2016. Part memoir and part exploration of Japanese cultural and religious traditions surrounding death and its aftermath, I was fascinated by the line this book walked through the interweaving of religion and myth, respect and emotional reservation, and most of all the realization that there is no one single accepted way to mourn and to believe, even within a society as communal as Japan’s. It’s something I find constantly and absolutely fascinating about Japan, the meeting and often the integration of old and new traditions, and of outside influences. Probably one of the most thoughtful and uplifting books about death I’ve ever read, and a great one about Japanese culture too.

4. Nevernight by Jay Kristoff

When Mia Corvere was a child, her father led a failed rebellion against the very leaders he was charged with protecting. Mia watched his public execution with her own eyes, the same way she watched her mother and brother torn from their beds and thrown into Godsgrave’s brutal prison tower. Narrowly escaping her own death, completely alone and a wanted fugitive, Mia now has only two things left—an ability to commune with shadows that has given her a powerful and eerie companion shaped vaguely like a cat whom she calls Mr. Kindly, and a desire to join the only people who can help her take revenge: the mythical and merciless guild of assassins called the Red Church. But even finding the Church and being accepted can be life-threatening—graduating from their ranks will mean more sacrifice, suffering, revelation, and power than even sharp-witted and viciously determined Mia could ever imagine.

Let me preface this by saying this book is probably not for everyone. Both its premise and execution are undeniably dark and graphic: the cast is necessarily full of antiheroes with unapologetically bloodthirsty aims and a range of moral standards and behaviors tending heavily toward the ‘uglier’ end of the spectrum. The violence and deaths can be brutal, emotionally and physically, and despite their pervasiveness they never seem to pack any less of a punch. But I’ve always looked to books as my safe guides and windows into exploring that kind of darkness every so often, and this book did so extremely well. Kristoff has a way of writing that makes Nevernight’s incredibly intricate and lovingly crafted fantasy universe feel rich and seductive even with the horrors that occur in it (the dry, black-comedy footnote asides from the nameless chronicler/narrator are a good start, for example). On one hand, you don’t feel like you want to visit for obvious reasons, but the worldbuilding—with its constant moons and blood magicks and fickle goddesses—was so fluid and inviting it caught my imagination like few other books did this year. I absolutely got attached to many of the characters (especially our ‘heroine’ Mia), both despite and because of their flawed, ruthless, vulnerable, hungry personalities, and I found myself fascinated by even the ones I didn’t like. This was one of the books this year I could literally barely put down, and I can’t wait for its sequel.

5. Nagasaki: Life After Nuclear War by Susan Southard

Ever since the United States dropped two atomic bombs on Japan and ended WWII, the name of the city Hiroshima has become synonymous with the tragedy. Nagasaki is almost always mentioned second if at all, almost as an afterthought, the city bombed three days later that was a second choice target. But 74,000 people still died there, and 75,000 more were wounded or irreparably affected. In this book, author Susan Southard tells the story of not just the day of the Nagasaki bombing, but the months and years that came afterward: of suffering and healing, protest and denial, terror and hope, interwoven at each stage with the painfully intimate and powerfully humanizing interviews and life accounts of five hibakusha survivors.

This was definitely one of the heaviest books I read this year (in length and content), but it also felt absolutely necessary and was luckily very readable, thoroughly researched, and respectfully told. You can tell just through the writing how much the author came to like and respect her subjects as people and not just mouthpieces for their stories, and dear gods the stories they have. Nagasaki is definitely graphic, and horrifying, and achingly sad, as you would expect any book that details one of the worst tragedies in human history to be. But ultimately the stories of the hibakusha and Nagasaki’s slow but constant recovery are ones of hope and survival, and much as when you read memoirs from Holocaust survivors that urge you to remember, and learn, and walk armed with that new knowledge into the future, this book also makes you feel kind of empowered. It’s been seventy years since the bombing happened, many of the survivors are passing on, and nuclear weapons are now sadly looming large on the political landscape again, so while it’s not an easy book, it was without a doubt one of the most important I’ve read in recent memory.

6. Front Lines by Michael Grant

The year is 1942. World War II is raging. The United States has finally decided to join the struggle against Hitler and the Nazis. And a landmark Supreme Court decision has just been made: for the first time, women are to be subject to the draft and eligible for full military service. Into this reimagined version of the largest war in human history come three girls: Rio Richelin, a middle-class California girl whose older sister was already KIA in the Pacific theater, Frangie Marr, whose struggling Tulsa family needs an extra source of income, and Rainy Schulterman, with a brother in the service and a very personal stake in the genocide being committed overseas. But while women and girls are allowed to fight, sexism, racism, prejudice, and the brutality of war are still in full effect, and the three girls will have to fight their battles on multiple fronts if they’re going to survive to the end of the war.

I think this is probably one of the first non-fantasy historical revisionist series I’ve ever read that worked so incredibly well. There are probably a million places author Michael Grant could have easily screwed up executing this concept, but I was extremely and pleasantly surprised to find my fears were pretty unfounded. Grant (husband of similarly clear-eyed Animorphs author KA Applegate) has always been a writer who doesn’t shrink from including and even focusing on uncomfortable-but-realistic language, violence, sexuality, and real-world issues of prejudice, and he brings all these themes into Front Lines and places three teenage girls (one of whom is a WOC and another who’s a persecuted minority) front and center without letting the book feel preachy, stilted, or tone-deaf toward the girls’ feelings, motives, voices, and flaws as individuals. It’s also obviously well-researched, and there’s a whole segment in the back where Grant shares his sources and the similarities and liberties he took with historical events in order to tell the story. Especially in today’s political climate, it’s a powerful and engrossing read. And what’s more the sequel just came out not long ago.

7. Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

In the year 2044, a single massive virtual reality interface called the OASIS has got most of the declining Earth’s population hooked into it, living out all kinds of video game and sci-fi fantasies. But some of the more hardcore players, like Wade Watts, are exploring the OASIS on another level—hunting for the easter egg clues to a massive fortune its eccentric developer left behind after his death. But no one’s been able to find even the first clue, let alone begin solving the weird and difficult puzzles and challenges that might follow…until one day, Wade does, and draws the dangerous attention and greed of everyone inside and outside the virtual world to himself in the process.

I’m honestly not that big of a gamer, or even someone particularly attached to or affected by pop culture nostalgia. Everything I know about most of the references throughout Ready Player One was picked up through cultural osmosis, and some I’d never even heard of—and I still thought this book was a blast, so take note if that’s what holding you back from picking it up. The book has a lot of the raw thrill anyone who loves fictional worlds (video game or otherwise) would feel upon having a complete virtual universe full of every world, character, and feature of fantasy and sci-fi fiction you could ever dream of at their fingertips. But it also explores, sometimes quite bluntly, a lot of the fears and flaws inherent in the whole ‘leave/ignore reality in favor of total VR immersion’ scenario, and in the type of people who would most likely be tempted to do it. All the different bits and genre overlaps of the novel really come together very seamlessly too—it’s a little bit mystery, a little bit cutthroat competition, a little bit battle royale, a little bit virtual reality road-trip, a little bit (nerdy) coming-of-age. And despite how much world-building is necessary to set up everything, the book rarely feels like it’s info-dumping on you (or maybe I just loved the concept of the OASIS so much I didn’t care). Probably the most unashamedly fun novel I read this whole year.

8. The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman

In the 1980’s in Northern California, a little Hmong girl named Lia Lee began showing symptoms of a severe and complicated form of epilepsy. The hospital the Lees took her to immediately began issuing their standard observations, treatments, and medications. But her parents, first generation immigrants with their own complex cultural methods of interpreting and caring for medical conditions, didn’t necessarily think of epilepsy as an illness—for the Hmong it’s often a sign of great spiritual strength--and were wary of the parade of ever more complicated tests and drugs their daughter was subjected to. Lia’s American doctors, confused and then angered by what they saw as dangerous disobedience and superstitious nonsense, begged to differ. What followed was a years-long series of cultural clashes and misunderstandings between Western medical science and the rituals and beliefs of a proud cultural heritage, and the people who tried with the best intentions (but not always results) to bridge that gap.

I had never read anything you could classify as ‘medical anthropology’ before this book, and I’m kind of mad I didn’t because it was fascinating. Using her firsthand interviews and observations Fadiman creates an entire case study portrait of the Lee family experience, from their life in America and struggle with Lia’s condition and American doctors to the history of the Hmong people’s flight from Thailand, Vietnam, and Laos and their experiences as immigrants. And as the best anthropological works should be, there’s also a very compassionate and analytic line walked that criticizes, explores, and accepts both cultural sides of the issue without assigning blame or coming out in favor of one over the other. By the end of it, I think my strongest emotion was hope that we might embrace a new type of medicine in the decades to come (even though it might look grim right now); something holistic that can find a way to mediate between culture and science, doctor and family and patient, so that maybe everyone ends up learning something new.

9. Good Omens by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

Crowley has a pretty good life for a high-ranking demon living on Earth. He can cruise around in his monstrous Bentley, and do assorted evil deeds here and there to keep from getting bored. He even has a pleasant frenemy in the fussy, bookshop-owning Aziraphale, the angel who used to guard the flaming sword at the gates of Eden a very, very long time ago. But then the various denizens of Heaven and Hell get the word from their higher-ups that it’s time for the Antichrist to come to Earth and the End Times to begin. The extremely unfortunate baby mix-up that ensues is only the first step in a very unusual lead-up to the end of the world, which will include the greatest hits of Queen, duck-feeding, the Four (Motorcycle) Riders of the Apocalypse, a friendly neighborhood hellhound, modern witch hunters, and a certain historical witch’s (very accurate) prophecies.

Reading this book was long overdue for me—I’ve read and enjoyed works from both these authors before, and had heard a ton about this one, basically all of it good. But I only finally picked it up as part of a ‘book rec exchange’ between me and @whynotwrybread and I’m so glad I got the extra push. Good Omens has a dark, dry, incredibly witty humor and writing style that clearly takes its cue from both Gaiman and Pratchett; it was really fun picking out their trademark touches throughout the novel. Couple that with a storyline that’s tailor-made to be a good-humored satire of religion, religious texts, and rigid morality and dogma in general, and you’ve got a pretty winning mix for me as a reader. It’s endlessly quotable, the characters are extremely memorable (and very often relatable), and despite the plot using a lot of well-known religious ‘storylines’, there are enough twists on them that it keeps you guessing as to how things will eventually turn out right up until the end.

10. Scythe by Neal Shusterman

At long last, humankind has conquered death. Massive advancements in disease eradication, nanotechnology, and artificial intelligence means that not only can people age (and reset their age) indefinitely, but they can be revived from even fatal injuries. And a benign AI with access to all human knowledge makes sure everything is run peacefully, fairly, and efficiently. In order to deal with the single remaining issue of population control, a handful of those from each generation are chosen to be trained as Scythes, who selectively mete out permanent death to enough people each year to keep humanity stable. And when Rowan and Citra are selected by the cool but kindly Scythe Faraday as his apprentices, neither are exactly willing, nor are they at all prepared for what the life of a Scythe will come to ask of them.

Neal Shusterman always seems to be able to come up with the coolest concepts for his novels (previous examples include getting inside the mind of a schizophrenic, two kids trapped in a very unique version of purgatory, and the Unwind series with its chilling legal retroactive abortion/organ donation of teens), and not only that but also execute them interestingly and well. They always end up making you really think about what you’d do in this version of reality, and Scythe is no different. Would you be one of the Scythes who gives each person gentle closure before their death? Glean them before they even know what’s happening? Divorce yourself emotionally from the process altogether so it doesn’t drive you mad? Embrace your role and even come to take pleasure in it? You meet characters with all these opinions and more. It doesn’t lean quite as heavily on the character depth as some of the author’s previous books, which gave me some hesitation at first, but the world was just too good not to get into. And the fact that it’s going to be a series means this could very well just be the setup novel for much more.

Honorable Mention Sequels/Series Installments

-Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo (‘No mourners, no funerals’—as perfect a companion/conclusion to the already-amazing Six of Crows from last year’s top ten list as I could have ever hoped for)

-The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater (one of the most unique and magical series I’ve ever read comes to a powerful and satisfying close)

-Morning Star by Pierce Brown (a glorious and breathtaking battle across the vastness of space starring an incredible and beloved cast kept me pinned to the page until the very last word—this was a brutally realistic and totally fantastic political/action sci-fi trilogy)

-Gemina by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff (I rec’d the epistolary sci-fi novel Illuminae last year and this was an equally gripping sequel to it—can’t wait for the third book out this year!)

-Bakemonogatari, Part 1 by NisiOisin (the translated light novels for one of my all-time favorite anime series continue to be amazing!)

If you made it this far, THANK YOU and I wish you an awesome year of reading in 2017! And I want to remind everyone that my blog and inbox are always, ALWAYS open for book recommendations (whether giving or requesting them) and talking/screaming/theorizing/crying about books in general. Or write up your own ‘top 10 books from last year’ post and tag me!

#top 10 books of 2016 #personal post #top 10 meme #long post #books #send me your recs!#and yell into my inbox/messenger/submission box about your favorite books!

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mediaeval-muse · 4 years

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Book Review... Gwen Rowley, “Knights of the Round Table: Gawain”

Rating: 2/5 stars

Genre: fantasy romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Knights of the Round Table #3 (of 3)

Summary: Loyal Sir Gawain pledges to marry a hideous crone in exchange for the answer to a riddle that will save King Arthur's life. But the loathly lady is actually the lovely Aislyn, former sorceress, in disguise, who is out to make Gawain pay for rejecting her in the past. Then Aislyn finds herself enchanted by the gallant knight.

***Full review under the cut.***

Overview: I’m currently reading a bunch of romance novels with a friend of mine as a way of getting more familiar with the genre, and I remember seeing this book recommended by another medieval enthusiast, so the two of us decided to give it a whirl. While the idea of retelling the story of Gawain and Ragnelle isn’t inherently a bad one, I felt like this book missed the mark in so many ways. There were some saving graces; the relationship between Arthur and Gawain was very well done, in my opinion. It just wasn’t enough to make up for the things that bothered me.

Trigger Warnings: violence, misogyny, rape

Writing: Rowley writes with a fairly straightforward prose style, but one that tells a lot rather than shows. It wasn’t the most irritating style I’ve encountered; it just made the book more skimmable, which I guess could be a good thing if you’re a reader who likes to get through books quickly. Some of the dialogue was humorous (by design), which made for a more light-hearted reading experience; it did feel very modern than what I would expect of medieval characters, aside from a few stray “yons” and “lemans” thrown in to make it feel more archaic. Honestly, I preferred the more modern style rather than the fake medieval-speak, since the medievalisms made the dialogue feel more wooden than natural. But overall, the I didn’t find the style unbearable - it just wasn’t interesting. The major flaw in the writing, for me, was the random insertion of characters’ memories and flashbacks. They occurred at random moments that interrupted the flow of the story - they sometimes interrupted a sentence that continued on after the memory was over! I would have preferred flashbacks be handled more deliberately, not thrown in whenever something in the plot vaguely reminded a character of something from their past.

Plot: As I mentioned above, the idea of retelling the story of Gawain and Ragnelle isn’t a bad one. I love authors who try to rework medieval tales to give women more agency and character. Unfortunately, Rowley decided to do so in a way that cut out a lot of the most interesting stuff from the original tale. We start with the end of the story, when Aislyn, disguised as a crone named Ragnelle, agrees to give Arthur the answer to his quest in exchange for Gawain’s hand in marriage. Rather than the curse being inflicted on her before the marriage, as it is in the medieval tale, the curse is inflicted after, when a character is trying to punish Aislyn for messing with Gawain (in the form of her using her crone form to torture him for a past slight). For me, this killed all the excitement and shifted the focus away from the original message of the tale (about female agency and sexual dynamics) to one about how love can overcome barriers. It would have been a good shift, but I didn’t get the sense that love was overcoming barriers by the end of the book - Gawain doesn’t seem to actually learn the lesson from the original tale, and Aislyn mostly struggles with whether or not to be obedient to Gawain. While I can understand wanting to make female characters more agentive from the beginning, I found this book’s reworking of the plot less interesting than the original medieval tale. The change in focus also made the plot drag a little bit. In the first 80 pages, all of the focus was on Gawain’s disgust at Ragnelle’s form or Aislyn’s/Ragnelle’s desire for revenge. We follow Gawain and Ragnelle as they explore married life, which isn’t as exciting as it sounds since Gawain is forever struggling with Ragnelle’s ugliness and Ragnelle/Aisling is always looking for ways to torment him. After Aislyn is formally cursed on pages 85-86, the plot has a goal, but nothing in the structure of the narrative seems to work towards that goal in a very efficient way. Events don’t seem to build on one another, so the plot didn’t feel like it had shape. There are also a few events that seem to be inserted to show conflict between Gawain and Lancelot, and some that showcase Gawain’s anguish over his past. While some of these things bring Ragnelle and Gawain closer together, the conflict with Lancelot and Gawain’s emotional pain definitely overshadowed the moments of tenderness between the characters. What I disliked the most, however, was that everyone - main characters and side characters alike - seemed to be in petty conflict with one another. There’s obvious tension between Gawain and Lancelot, and Aislyn’s inner thoughts about Guinevere and the other ladies of the court disappointed me (why can’t we have more medievaly stories in which women band together, I ask). Aside from these conflicts, everyone got on my nerves for treating Ragnelle as subhuman. While their treatment of her could have been the moral lesson of the book, it didn’t come through consistently; I did get the sense that the book was supposed to showcase how Camelot isn’t the paradise it is made out to be, but a lot of the mistreatment felt like drama or humor rather than a teaching tool. I did like, however, that Ragnelle’s purpose seemed to change so that she was at the center of a lot of conflicts between men - in this way, I think she exposed a lot of the underlying problems in a male homosocial society. However, as much as she pointed to a lot of the problems, she also perpetuated them.

Characters: I had an extremely hard time liking either Aislyn or Gawain for a large portion of this book. Aislyn, our heroine, is constantly thinking ill of other women or thinking herself better than them, except in incidents. She’s out for revenge, and while I get that being left by a man you loved is devastating, I personally find seeking revenge for that a little petty, especially when you can just use your words and clear up any misconceptions. She got better as the book progressed, standing up for other women and calling out injustice, but I still had a hard time with her, since she seemed to waver between being a strong-willed character and being a bully. Gawain, despite being one of the best knights in Arthurian lore, starts out as kind of a sexist jerk with a lot of emotional turmoil from his past. His sense of honor was admirable, and I want to make clear that I do think that aspect of him was well done, but he was so angsty that his main purpose was to be a wet blanket for most of the book. I also wasn’t wholly convinced he had changed in his ways by the end of the book. The villains of the piece weren’t even that interesting. Morgause is completely one-dimensional: a power-hungry seductress whose motives aren’t exactly clear and, based on her actions, poses next to no real threat to anyone. Somer Gromer Jour (or Launfal), Aislyn’s brother, could have been interesting if Morgause herself wasn’t so over-the-top and Launfal had more of a purpose other than to be Morgause’s victim. Lancelot and Guinevere are also turned into antagonists by the way they blatantly disrespect not only Ragnelle, but other knights of the Round Table. It was kind of a mess. But despite all that, I did like the relationship between Arthur and Gawain. They had some nice exchanges that showed how complex their dynamic was, with Arthur being both Gawain’s king and uncle. Gawain and Ragnelle also had some nice moments where they were honest with one another, and those bits were well done.

Other Romance: I honestly didn’t see much romantic chemistry between Aislyn and Gawain, perhaps because Aislyn was so antagonistic towards him for so long. Don’t get me wrong - I’m a fan of enemies-to-lovers tropes, but this novel didn’t really feel like it was really getting to the heart of the angst and pain between the characters and working on unraveling it. Instead, the conflict was easily cleared up by just talking (even if the characters didn’t act on it for a long time). Instead, their relationship felt more platonic, which wouldn’t be a problem if this book was marketed as a genre other than romance. Misogyny: I understand that a lot of authors writing about the Middle Ages will embed some sexism in their books, but I am still irritated when I see it. Rowley has Gawain start out as holding very misogynistic views, despite his medieval counterpart being one of the most courteous knights to women (and even in the book, Gawain wavers back and forth). The book also makes use of various tropes which I dislike: Morgause is a seductress who (I think) rapes Launfal regularly, characters use words like “bitch” and “slut,” a male character views his wife as worthless for not bearing a son, etc. Poor Guinevere couldn’t catch a break since she was being portrayed as a cheating harlot the whole time, and Morgana popped in for all of 10 seconds to serve her part in the plot before moving on. Rowley also writes an episode where the Saxons blame the women for the peaceweaver system failing, which was utterly baffling to me. And Gawain still seems to hold his view that a wife should be obedient to her husband until the very last second - around page 307 of the book.

Moving on to Other Books in the Series? No.

Recommendations: I would recommend this book if you’re a romance reader or interested in Arthurian retellings.

#book reviews

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russellthornton · 6 years

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How to Help a Possessive Girlfriend Go from Clingy to Amazing

Most guys want a girl who adores them and hangs on their every word. But, a possessive girlfriend is an entirely different creature. Cut her or tame her!

Girlfriends can be a real pain in the ass, even just the average ones. But, if you have a possessive girlfriend, it feels like someone sucks the life right out of you. Before you say adios, there are ways to take the possessive girlfriend and make her less so.

If you want to say goodbye, then do. The fact that you’re reading about a “possessive girlfriend” means that you aren’t ready to call it quits just yet.

10 ways to tame the beast *possessive girlfriend*

If your girlfriend is a little too clingy, the reality is if you didn’t have feelings and wanted to move on, you would simply say goodbye. If you want to calm down whatever the hell riles her up, it might take some introspection to find out why she is so possessive. [Read: 20 reasons why a good morning text is so important for women]

When I met my husband, we were friends. I remember him saying to me that every girl he had ever met ended up crazy. My answer to him was, “Were they crazy when you met them?” The truth might hurt.

The reasons she is so possessive might stem from your actions and the way you treat her. So, if you want the possession to stop, it takes an exorcism of her bad behaviors and yours as well.

#1 Try reassurance. Sometimes a possessive girlfriend is really just a mask for an insecure girl. When girls are insecure, they need constant reassurance. That comes in the form of praise or trust.

If she had a dad who cheated on her mom or an ex who screwed everything in town, then those bad experiences in her past taint her future. Try to reassure her that you are there for her and whatever her past holds, her future with you is different because you are different.

If you provide constant reassurance up front, you build her self-esteem and make her feel secure. The more you do, the more she lets go of the noose she has around your neck. It might take a lot of energy, but you should slowly see her possessive nature melt away once her fear of losing you subsides. [Read: How to deal with a needy girlfriend]

#2 Set boundaries. If she interferes in a way negatively impacting not only your relationship and the way you see her but your life, talk about boundaries. Don’t allow her to run rampant over you or she will continue.

Set a line in the sand about what is appropriate behavior and what is not. Maybe she got away with that behavior in her last relationship, but you make it clear that in your book, it isn’t okay and it must stop.

The key is real boundaries are concretes like “you can’t text me while I am at work.” Otherwise, your “back off” just makes her more insecure, which ups her possessive nature. [Read: How to set boundaries and feel more in control of your life]

#3 Stop being secretive. Sometimes women who don’t tend to be possessive change because of your behaviors. If you lie to her about where you go and she finds out or you’re putting passwords on everything you have, you likely make her jealous and the possessive girlfriend side surfaces.

There is nothing that makes a girl cling harder than if she feels that you have something to hide. If you let her into your world and are honest with her, she will trust that when you aren’t around, you still respect her.

#4 Back off of your friendships with other girls. If you have a harem of girls who follow you around, that just isn’t cool. Sure, you can be friends with girls, but not if it bothers the girl you are with.

No girl wants to hear about your intimate friendship with another girl, friend or not. It still feels like a betrayal. Maybe just for a bit put your other girlfriends on ice and focus on making your girlfriend a priority.

Her possessive nature might be a result of your extracurricular activities, as harmless as you think they are.

#5 Show her more attention and compliment her. Most possessive girlfriends behave the way that they do out of fear. If she is in your face all the time, constantly questioning where you are, or wanting to be at your side 24/7, then she has a fear that she is going to lose you if she doesn’t hold on tight.

If you give her the attention she craves, then likely, she will have her emotional tank filled and won’t be fighting so hard to get it from you. Oh, and some compliments can’t hurt! Anyway that you make her feel loved and special helps her not feel like she must have her thumb on you all the time to keep you. [Read: 15 ways to make your girlfriend feel loved and needed]

#6 Take her so she can see how no-fun things are. If you are guy’s guy and you go shooting and hang out with the guys doing guy things, she might feel left out. There is also the potential that she thinks you do those things just to exclude her. Sorry guys, that is the way that it sometimes feels.

If you invite her along once, she sees how geeked out you get and how not fun it can be. And, likely, she gives you a pass to do it again whenever you want. Been there, done that, is always a good way to calm her ever-loving possessive ways.

#7 Check in periodically, just because. If she must know where you are every second of every minute, feed into it for a bit. I know, if you are one of those guys who says, “She isn’t going to tie me down,” you probably fight against being possessed by avoidance.

Yes, it is irritating to tell someone where you are every second. But, if you check in once in a while, you build trust with her. She knows that you are where you say you are. The more trust you build, the better.

She backs off and gives you room to breathe. Put in the effort up front and you might find that she turns around. [Read: The 10 big traits of a good boyfriend]

#8 Find out what her triggers are and avoid them. Possessive people are usually created from past experiences. If you notice there are things that make her cling harder, pay close attention to what it is about them. If you can figure out a road map to why she feels the need to cling, you can undo it.

If you find that not texting at night is a trigger, text her at night to avoid the fallout. If talking to a coworker is the issue, then don’t talk about it anymore. We all have emotional triggers. For the possessive girl, they are probably abundant. But, if you get a handle on them your relationship runs much more smoothly.

#9 Encourage her to make new friends or find a hobby. Maybe she is possessive with you because she really doesn’t have a life of her own. Sometimes we cling to people because we don’t have much else going on. Instead of avoiding your possessive girlfriend or getting upset, encourage her to meet new people, introduce her to your friends, or guide her to find something that she likes to do.

If we don’t have a good sense of self, we project our boredom and restlessness on others and expect them to fill in the spaces. If you want her to stop being so attached, help her find something that she loves almost as much as you to occupy her time. [Read: How to build up trust in a relationship and make it last]

#10 Give her “her time.” Sometimes guys feel like they are being possessed because no matter how much time they spend with their girlfriend she still says stuff like “you never do anything with me.” Maybe the problem isn’t that you aren’t spending enough time with her, but that you aren’t spending quality time with her.

I know, you probably hate me right now. I promise you that if you put your phone away, do something she wants, and focus on her at least one or two nights a week then her possessiveness will decrease. If you make a schedule of truly individualized time, she actually feels like you spent the time she needs to feel comfortable in your relationship.

Possessive girlfriends, in general, are a bit much to handle. If you can’t handle it, you have no choice but to lose your girlfriend and move on. But, if you love her enough to try to work through it and weather the storm, it takes you looking at your behaviors and how they affect her and a lot of energy up front to make her feel secure enough to loosen the reigns.

Fear is a very powerful motivator. If she feels as if she will lose you because you are distracted, you never focus on her, or you talk about your relationship with other girls when she feels like yours is lacking, she clings harder.

[Read: How to reassure and win over a super jealous lover]

If you try these ten things, you might find that the possessive girlfriend you think you have is really an amazing woman underneath it all.

The post How to Help a Possessive Girlfriend Go from Clingy to Amazing is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

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