#blew a bunch of money and ordered all of these

[starship-squalleater]

tell us more about matt please, he was a guest speaker at your uni?

Yes!! yes yes. He was here to do an interview/lecture about 'crafting a narrative', so he answered questions from a professor here about critical role, games, his 'secret origin story', and a number of other things. It was legit so nice. I think I'm a little in love with him. who said that.

It was so surreal to see him in person. He looked kind of sheepish as we were all cheering, like he wasn't supposed to be there- we were all over the moon. When prompted for his origin story, he talked about how his grandmother, a little old lady from georgia, was secretly super into fantasy and got him hooked on piers anthony and isaac asimov as an eight year old, and how his dad doing occasional background voice work got him interested and how that snowballed into years of hard work in hollywood.

He talked about his friend Liam mentioning that he hadn't been able to play DnD since he was little and how he offered to DM a one shot for his birthday- and how a few weeks later he was meeting a few acquaintances to discuss characters (he said he was flustered meeting Ashley Johnson who he'd grown up watching), and then afterwards they started meeting more and more often. Then as word got around they were doing it, Felicia Day offered to put them on a new twitch channel- and how nerve wracking it was to put themselves out there and on the internet.

he said to lean into your passions. Nowadays there's a tendency to call passion 'cringe', but there's nothing shameful about loving the things you care about.

He talked about how capitalism wants you to produce and produce and produce and how that is antithetical to art and to creating, because in order to really make something you're proud of you need to have the time to do it. This led into him talking about making the animated show, how after the kickstarter blew up a bunch of companies approached them, wanting to own the ip. he described it as the moment in a movie when someone pushes a little paper with some exorbitant amount on it- but he said that none of them wanted to be millionaires. They weren't in it for money, so they said no and partnered with the only company who wanted to let them do their own thing: Amazon. He acknowledged the irony of that, and how surprised all of them were when that was the company that gave them the most freedom.

there was so much other stuff- he talked about how the industry is a community, how you can be a really successful actor and also a good person, how everyone should be lifting each other up because it wasn't a race to the top, it was collaboration. Really wonderful stuff, you know? His philosophy of being kind really shone through the whole time.

anyway of course there was more but this is off the top of my head what he talked about!! it was so so good bro I love that man. always meet your heroes.

#critical role #matt mercer

[rainydawgradioblog]

Interview with Samba Jean-Baptiste

The other day I came across an article about AI bots mass-releasing auto-generated music on Spotify under different names. A concept as democratic as “unfettered access to music by way of streaming services” was bound to be corrupted by bad actors. Artists are consigned to grueling tour schedules in order to make a living because streaming pays them in Monopoly money. Pitchfork is gone and the writing is on the wall for Bandcamp, because curation is now being handled by algorithms. It’s important to keep in mind that any artist releasing music today has to navigate a culture in which there’s more out there than ever before, it's all at the tip of one’s  fingers, and everything except for the music itself is worse than it used to be. 

The topic of how the internet has shaped music came up frequently in my discussion with Samba Jean-Baptiste, an independent artist out of Brooklyn. I discovered his work after seeing Dean Blunt’s music video to “Felony” (his best song? I’m ready to make the argument), and the Algorithm decided I might like a video titled “talk / pleasure.” Behind a camera that might be a flip phone, somone offers Jean-Baptiste directions: “Wait, look off that way, and start the song. Then just start doing your shit.” The music plays and we hear Samba’s subdued voice over acoustic guitar strumming. He crosses a wide urban boulevard. All of it is easy and unforced. 

“Talk / Pleasure” was released on Cardinal, a project that’s difficult to categorize and beautiful and disarming. Jean-Baptiste chiefly uses acoustic guitar and his voice to create stripped-back art pop, as if the Young Marble Giants grew up listening to Stereolab instead of Lou Reed. The relationship between skilled yet raw guitar playing and more attuned peripheral production toes a line between an open mic performance and sound leaking from someone else’s headphones. There’s some really incredible interplay between organic and auto tuned vocals on “Windows.” The string and warped piano accompaniments on “A Wish Slanted” perfectly compliment Jean-Baptiste’s rhythmic strumming. It seems like he’s drawing from so much, because he’s had access to (and has seeked out) so much. The internet has given us windows into every corner of musical expression imaginable. If you’re an artist, how do you reckon with that, how does it find its way into your art? I didn’t want to put words in Jean-Baptiste’s mouth, so I reached out to see if he’d be interested in an interview for the Blawg. 

He was kind enough to agree back in early December; we spoke over the phone for about 40 minutes. I think he was playing Dave Bixby in the background. In addition to the internet’s impact on the music landscape, he touched on song-writing, looping, and Veeze. Hope you all enjoy it. Please, check out Cardinal on Spotify, Apple Music, Youtube, and Bandcamp (before it’s subscription based).

Can you tell me a little about yourself? 

Yeah, I’m 22, about to be 23, I live in Bedstuy, Brooklyn, I cook at a Japanese Breakfast restaurant that’s also in Brooklyn. That’s kinda what I do four days a week. I grew up in Massachusetts playing classical music, me and my sister, I played Cello, my sister played violin and we grew up playing in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. That’s where I gained a lot of interest in music, because when I wasn’t playing cello, everyone would be showing off like, what pop song [they] could play on the piano, and from there everything trailed into, you know, writing a little song about a crush or something when I was a kid. 

My family is from Haiti. That’s important to me. In middle school I used to just make beats so I was really into dubstep and a bunch of stuff on youtube. I was always big on youtube, listening to people make beats at home, and then soundcloud blew up, which gave so much access to random nooks and crannies to the country and world for that matter. Got into songwriting a little bit. Used to make a lot of different sounding stuff to now. Picked up guitar, somehow, and I guess that landed me to where I’m at now. 

Songs like “Better Now” from Cardinal feature a lot of looping. Do you find that to be a big part of your process? 

It’s funny because looping, from making beats in middle school, looping is such a big part of it. You make something, you loop it, you progress from there. But by the time I realized I could be playing actual instruments in my recordings, I still had that mentality. I’ll record something and think: “this part is great, I’m just gonna loop it.” And it doesn’t feel unethical. Cause for me, for a long time, looping other people’s music was like, “you’re going to hell, you’re not making music” but somehow my eyes have opened up and my ears have opened up to so many new ways of sound creation, rather than seeing it like “you have to create from the sound up like you’re fucking Beethoven.” You can hear something and make something out of that and that’s ok. It’s not yours, it's everyone’s. 

Looping is really interesting too because everytime you hear something or see something you can see something new about it. There’s albums I’ve listened to kajillions of times and it’s like I’m learning something new about it every listen. The same thing can happen with a simple loop, it’ll just be new information, newly perceived information each time. So yeah loops are super important to me. 

When you’re writing a song, do you have an idea of what you want the finished product to be, or does it evolve naturally over the course of the entire process?

Definitely the latter. That’s funny I was talking to my dad *today* that when I make songs, or work on an idea, I have to like make the whole song, just so that when I go back to these drafts, I can see the full blueprint. [...] It’s definitely a process. If I write a song in one sitting, I’ll kinda just… show a friend. That’s not the stuff I like releasing. 

How did Cardinal become more acoustic than your previous album, Pandora? 

It wasn’t so much a conscious decision to be like, I have to be different from the last record, but it was a conscious decision in my process. Because Pandora was made while I was still primarily recording through my laptop, and like, there’s guitar on there, but it’s all pitched up, and my voice isn’t in my natural cadence. But in the same way I realized I could use my instruments and play them in my recordings, I was like damn. That feels natural. I can also just sing in my natural low voice, I don’t have to be reaching for something that I’m not. So it sort of just trailed in that direction naturally. 

I was wondering if playing the cello made picking up guitar easier, or otherwise informs your guitar playing? You said you “stumbled on guitar,” which sounds like a bigger undertaking than you make it out to be. 

Yeah, picking up guitar was pretty simple for me because of that knowledge, but like, there’s six strings on a guitar [compared to cello’s four], so I’ve found new ways to approach an instrument, because there’s a learning curve there. A lot of my songs, if you listen to them, it’s all the same chords, because I only know so much, and sometimes I’m fucking lazy and I know certain chords and they make me feel good enough. 

Also it's funny because some songs are written on different guitars. “I Could Have Cried” was written on a guitar with five strings (the high E is gone) because my roommate didn’t finish stringing it. The other one I got in London, that one plays “Talk/Pleasure” and “A Wish Slanted” and it has four strings because two of them snapped. Each weird situation lends itself to a new creation, which is like a huge part of my process anyway. Error is so acceptable, if not sought out. 

The stream of consciousness of it? Less premeditated? 

Right. There’s a mix too though. I love when records have noise added after cause that’s real. You can only listen to so much perfect, cookie cutter stuff.

When you were making Cardinal, were there any major songs or artists that you took inspiration from? 

Nah I had no influences, I came up with this shit. I’m playing, of course, of course, there’s so many. I feel like a lot of people are finding my music through like Dean Blunt youtube wormhole, and he’s for sure one of my big influences, like all my influences are like 30+ year old black people doing their thing. But the main influence is music that sounds like wind, water, grass, and that all relates to guitar.

I wish I had a list of my influences, cause on this record there’s a lot you know? I had a lot of people in my life showing me new things, because I’m so closed minded often. And I like to try to surround myself with people that will show me something new. A lot of inspiration is what’s new to me. 

I think wind, water, grass sums it up great. Wrapping up, would you have any recommendations for me and the good people of Rainy Dawg Radio as a whole? Movies, music, books, etc?

Hell yeah. I just finished this book called Your Love is Not Good, by Johanna Hedver… Movies? I’m still learning about movies. Two or three things I know about her. I’m into Jean Luc Godard, that slice of life stuff where nothing happens, cause it’s just like looping music to me. Music? I’ll just give you what I’ve been into recently, cause I have huge influences but they’re probably everybody’s. I’ve been listening to this song called “Tea in Bed” by Blessed and Blushing. That shit’s incredible. I’ve been listening to this song called “Everybody Knows” by Glucose. I’ve been listening to a Serge Gainsbourg record, The History of Melody Nelson. I’ve been listening to Veeze, you know, Ganger. There’s so much shit. There’s so much out there. Michael White is this great jazz violinist, I’d definitely recommend him.  Forma Norte, that guy’s incredible.

Who’s that, Forma Norte? 

Yeah, you know what’s funny is I found him on my “related artists,” online, and sometimes I find stuff I really hate through that. But sometimes I think “damn this guy’s awesome, how’s he related to me?” 

It’s so interesting to hear an artist’s perspective of their “fans also like” on Spotify. 

That first one I said, Tea in Bed by Blessed and Blushing, is just blowing my mind recently. I’m like, “who is sitting down and making this shit?,” it’s so good. And that’s what’s crazy is there’s so much music now, it’s like, is there even a point in trying to make a career out of this? No. I don’t think so. Which I think is lending itself to the best music ever, cause people are like “there’s no fucking way I’m gonna make a career out of this, I might as well just make what I want, whatever I want.” 

You used to have to deal with the label, but now everything is just, “yeah go for it.”

It’s such a blessed time in that regard, but at the same time… let me chill on that. Let’s say, Marvin Gaye, “I Want You”? We’re not getting that right now. And that’s no hate to right now.  But it’s just like that was a whole different way of living, thinking, moving, breathing you know. It’s just a whole different way of recording. 

But we’re so blessed to be able to do exactly what we want without the idea of needing to make money off it. Obviously it would be nice. But it’s unlikely so people are just making cool shit. And I’m really thankful for that. 

You can find Samba Jean-Baptiste on Instagram here and YouTube here. Once again, listen to Cardinal any way you get your music. 

#Spotify #Youtube

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Just here to process per usual. I have my therapy intake on Thursday which will be helpful. There’s probably no order to any of this chaos. Highlighting the basics if anyone wants to read.

We found an apartment with no wait list. They can hold it until March 3rd. I start work March 3rd and M’s jobs opening got pushed back so he won’t be full time until the second week of March. We can’t afford to move in March 3. They need full month rent/admin fees/amenity fee. I think we could come up with the security deposit.

My dad offered to pay it if we pay it back. I should have said no. We have talked about it, M and I. Asking our parents for help. His mom said no. My dad would, but my mom had a complete freak out over it to the point that I wish I had just stopped the conversation. It lifted the rug for all the things we’ve swept away.

Allowing myself to break down a bit right now because I’ve been bottling so much of this. My dad said “you know I completely blame M for this” and a bunch of other comments about M and my ex husband. They hate him so much because he’s trans. And I overheard them talking in the other room “you know by helping her were helping him” and it fucking tears me apart to hear that shit. The very same parents who raised me to love EVERYONE, to not judge anyone, who essentially sculpted me into this compassionate and empathetic person are the same people who have so much hate and judgement in their hearts. They raised me with all these great Christian values but clearly weren’t listening to what they preached. They hate my husband because he’s trans, they hate him because my ex husband was an asshole. My dad said M promised him we’d never be in a situation like this, he’d never ask for money from them. I didn’t know M was a prophet and could tell what was in our future.

It was my idea to ask if we could move in with friends. My idea to apply to a job 2 hours away. My idea to break down the small stability we had. But it felt like we didn’t have a choice. We didn’t know M was gonna get fired. We didn’t know we weren’t gonna find jobs there. We didn’t know he was gonna get faked out by a job. We didn’t know things were gonna be worse.

We tried to talk to his mom about things. That it’s this apartment with no waitlist that needs all the money by March 3 or the other apartments with 3 month long waitlists. We HAVE to be out march 1 for his grandmother. And to stay would be convincing not only his mom, but his aunt who has his grandmother the other half of the week. She already has her own son and two daughter to deal with on top of the grandmother, so I don’t see that happening. I don’t know if theylll reconsider if they’re faced with the hard reality that we will 100% be living out of our car until at least June. Staying at my parents is a no go. All my dad has to say is that this is M’s fault.

We have no where to go. Maybe a shelter. Giving up our dog because of a three month wait list. Which makes me cry all over again. I’ve never bonded so much with a dog before. We lost her once and spent four days on the side of a highway searching for her. To just lose her now? Have her be put down because she’s so scared of people? She’s the most loving and gentle dog I’ve ever had. They’ll euthanize her. We have fucking jobs, we just don’t have anywhere to live.

There’s no more friends to ask either. The relationship with the friend we moved in with blew up. When we moved out, she officially separated from her wife and moved out. We offered to help her move, be a space to vent and process, be an escape from reality. She withdrew from everyone while we still lived there. She had met someone and it was 100% about them. We moved out and kept asking how she was with no answer. Learned from snap chat she had moved out, the new partner helped I guess because all the pics had their dog in it. M finally asked why she wasn’t responding anymkre and she said she was “doing her” and “didn’t have the space” to talk to anyone. And I respect that to an extent. You don’t just drop off the face of the earth when your friends are trying to help support you. She got pissed off and said how she wasn’t putting her emotional stuff on us when we were going through our things. She said she has bigger problems than us and “what issues do you even fuckig have? Not having a job?” So fuck her too. I’m glad my friends are emotionally supportive even when things aren’t good for them.

When I got divorced I left EVERYTHING behind. My life, my job, my friends, my bird. Yes I moved in with my parents and I appreciated their support, but we have a very strained relationship when it all boils down. I was STILL there for my friends and their problems even if they felt smaller than mine.

We left to get out of their way. She said “things happened faster than I wanted to once you left.” First off, they should have had the emotional awareness to tell us they were not stable enough to house us for that period of time. Maybe we shouldn’t have asked at all. I wish we hadn’t. We were both there through their explosive fights. Gave her space to breakdown so she wasn’t alone even though we were also triggered in other ways. We tried everything we could to move out asap after we learned how their relationship really was and we couldn’t get back up on our feet. Now we’re facing legitimate homelessness.

Yes, she lost her toxic wife and any change is stress. But she has a roof over her head, she has all her pets with her, she has a new partner, she still has her job. We. Had. Nothing. Just ourselves and melody and a temporary housing situation with his mother. And now we may be homeless despite having jobs because of stupid waiting lists.

I’m calling the church tmrw to see if they can help at all and around to social services I guess? But like, we have jobs and those jobs are gonna afford us a really nice apartment by mid March so I don’t even know if we’ll qualify for assistance or if that assistance will come fast enough for us to not be on a waitlist somewhere.

I don’t know. My mom doesn’t want to help us financially. His mom doesn’t/can’t help us physically or financially.

I just don’t know where to turn. And Uber is just barely paying our bills. Still haven’t missed one. But there’s no extra 2-3k laying around for us to get this apartment.

So. That’s what’s going on with me right now. Thanks for reading if you do.

[hnnyoongs]

Kudo Yukiko Headcanons

the first few headcanons are from my post on my incorrect dcmk quotes twitter account so check that out if you want

She's half japanese and half white.

Her hair is all natural, since her eyebrows are also the same color as her hair, even in the flashback from high school so unless she's been dying her eyebrows for 20 or so years...yeah she's got natural reddish-brown hair.

It's not like she was adopted or moved to Japan because her birth name, Fujimine Yukiko, is still completely in Japanese. There are two different reasons for way he name cold be this way. Either she's a bastard/unwanted child of a white man so she adopts her mother's last name or she's got a japanese father and a white mother and she just uses her father's last name like most people.

Yukiko being half white with what seems to be canonically some euro-centric features would have helped her career boost a bunch on the international level. It's fucked up but people of color, especially asians, have a very hard time entering the international acting scene. Detective Conan tells us she's picked up awards from all around the globe and she's got connections throughout Hollywood and Broadway.

Her success in the United States would be easier for the western media to stomach if she had a white parent and could speak English. Unless Detective Conan suddenly doesn't have xenophobia and racism, she would have faced hurdles.

She bonds with Ai about the discrimination they face because of how they look both in Japan and in the US.

Shinichi used to demand Yukiko to read him the original Sherlock Holmes books written by Arthur Conan Doyle in English as bedtime stories, which she did

Yukiko was a child actor.

Now I know canon says that she debuted at 18 but that really does not make any sense what so ever for her to get like every single godamn award at that age. I think that she started out as a small time child actor in Japan but then her talent catapulted her into national fame by the time she started junior high.

The movies she was in Japan became hits internationally once she became a teenager, kind of like how Parasite blew up despite the language barrier. Some of the shows she starred in were dubbed into English because they became so popular but fans outside of Japan wanted her to star in something bigger.

Once she got into high school she began her international career, starring in Hollywood blockbuster after Hollywood blockbuster. She guest starred in some American TV shows and was so popular her characters became recurring characters. Yukiko even took part in a Broadway musical for the funsies, she was on American talk shows and the general population of the USA loved her.

Yukiko built herself up from the ground, from as young as the age of four she was handling her paperwork when it came to acting. This may seem unrealistic but at least in the real life American acting industry, child actors are instructed to take care of everything themselves. Producers don't want your parents on set, they expect 6 year olds to be able to have everything in order.

Yukiko had to travel a lot for her job and in doing so she started thinking that Japan was too small for her, that she wanted to see the world, all the interesting things outside of her boring neighborhood where the same things happen day in and day out. It didn't help that her parents would travel with the money Yukiko had made, so when she had her own son she began to do what her parents did and also what she had wanted to do since a young child. Little did she realize that her son was not her, that her travels would hurt him in a different way than it hurt her.

Teitan was a really accommodating school and took her absences in stride. Yukiko was on good terms with everyone there and was pretty good friends with Kogoro and therefore friends with Eri by extension since wherever one of those two went the other would follow behind trying start up some shit. This is why Teitan is so okay with Shinichi missing school for months, because his mother was similar. This is also why the school is so good at hiding info about Shinichi coming and going, since they had to hide stuff about Yukiko from the media back in the day.

Yukiko can hold a tune but she's not phenomenal at singing either.

She's not as bad as her son, she a little above average to be honest but her acting skills made up for her pretty normal singing when she starred in a Broadway musical. The only reason the musical did so well was because of her popularity.

She helped a lot of other people in broadway with their acting skills which is why even though she's nothing remarkable when it comes to her voice, she's still well loved by the industry.

Yukiko is bisexual.

Her first love was Yusaku and she never had a crush before him. all she really cared about was her career but she loved Yusaku so much she quit. Sometimes she regrets quitting because she misses being on the stage or the big screen or even the small screen but she never lets her husband or son know about these doubts because she's terrified of what their reactions would be.

Shinichi was not planned and Yukiko knew that if she were to raise him that would mean leaving her job at the height of her career but Yukiko felt like the baby inside of her was the light of her life and for him she would destroy the world, yusaku and herself if her child desired such a thing.

Yukiko knew Sharon (who we know as Vermouth) since Yukiko started to trickle into Hollywood but she only started to feel attracted to the woman long after she'd gotten married and had Shinichi. She never voiced her feelings but Yusaku found out anyway and they talked about it. They decided that the healthiest option was for Yukiko to tell Sharon about it in order to get it off her chest when they got the news that the actress had died. When Yukiko found out that Sharon was actually Vermouth it took a real toll on her mental health, not that anyone except Yusaku knew about how hard she took it.

Yukiko and Yusaku both partook in polyamory in the very early stages of their relationship though once they had Shinichi they stopped until they decided Shinichi would be able to chose because they valued his opinion and if their son wasn't okay with the idea that one day the media might unveil that the kudo couple were part of the Hollywood sex scene then they'd decide not to go back into the whole mess. At age 14 Shinichi told them they could do whatever as long as he didn't have to hear the details.

Yukiko wanted to pull Shuichi into a relationship with her and Yusaku, citing that the couple and the FBI agent only had a 5 year age gap Shuichi said he wasn't interested in anything romantic or sexual after Akemi died so the Kudo couple respected his wishes

Yukiko would spend time asking Shuichi questions about the FBI and about himself and observing the man in general whenever she came to check up on his disguise and once she got back to the US she would give Yusaku her notes who in turn wrote the screenplay for "The Scarlet Investigator". Yukiko suggested adding a side couple that owns the house that the main character rents, based off of Yusaku and Yukiko, which Yusaku does by inverting their genders and changing their nationalities to suit a western audience.

Yukiko breaks several laws to make sure that Conan's identity is not outed.

She has Jii and Kaito to mess with security footage, she pays off witness who see him and makes them sign NDAs, and Yusaku does this as well though he does it to a much lesser extent because Shinichi's more likely to get angry at Yusaku for sticking his nose into Shinichi's case than Shinichi would be angry at Yukiko

If Ai ever needs some banned substances that Agasa can't get in order to create the antidote, Yukiko sends her what she needs in bulk

Yukiko will forever hate herself for not realizing Shinichi had gone missing for 2 weeks. If apotoxin worked properly Shinichi would have died and Yukiko wouldn't know because her and Yusaku had turned their phones off for a month straight and only came back to Japan when they turned their phones on again to see that Agasa had left them a message about Shinichi turning into Conan, Ran had texted them asking if they knew where Shinichi was and the school wanted to know why Shinichi was absent

Yukiko continues to bribe Kogoro throughout Conan's stay at the Mouri Detective Agency but it comes to her surprise that Kogoro had saved almost all of it into a college fund for Conan, implying that Kogoro does not plan to give Conan back to his original parents if they ever decide to show up again.

sorry for this word vomit lol

#kudo yukiko #headcanon #detective conan #dcmk #detco #magic kaito #dcmk theories #dcmk theory #meta #not really lmao #kudo yusaku #kudo shinichi #edogawa conan #mouri kogoro #haibara ai #miyano shiho #kuroba kaito #kaitou kid #agasa hiroshi #kisaki eri #jii konosuke #mouri ran #akai shuichi #okiya subaru #miyano akemi #sharon vineyard #chris vineyard #vermouth #long post #cased closed

[welcomexyearxzero]

Ghost Ritual

I’ll try to post some coherent thoughts. 

Just some random stuff first:

-Our seats were stage left (a.k.a., Dewdrop’s side)--the section nearest the stage. Five rows back, which turned out to be just perfect for making eye contact (real or imagined).

-Speaking of, real or not, I stand by believing I made eye contact with Papa IV several times during the ritual. Most importantly at the end when he was blowing his goodbye kisses and I blew one back. I will also stand by making eye contact with Dewdrop and Rain a few times as well, the two ghouls who were over there the most often. 

-Speaking of Dewdrop, I almost got one of his picks but, alas, it wasn’t meant to be. At least now I know where I should try to sit for future rituals because I for sure can never do GA because of my claustrophobia. 

-Another near thing: getting money from “Mummy Dust.” Security guards picked up a bunch and handed out a few to each of the people in the front row but only one of those people kept just one for himself and handed out the rest to people behind him. Everyone else just kept all they were given, which wasn’t cool but I get. 

-I missed Spiritbox so I don’t when things went off track but I’m pretty sure Ghost started later than they should have because we didn’t get the guitar duel before “Cirice” and Papa IV didn’t banter all that much with the audience. As much as I love all of the little extra stuff, I do much prefer them having gotten all 20 songs so I can’t be upset about that. 

Now onto the songs that stood out for me as big highlights of the night:

”Griftwood” - I posted earlier today (technically, yesterday) about this one being a surprise bonus song because they added it in four rituals ago. I’m so happy I got the chance to hear it because I was a little bit bummed when I checked the setlist after the first ritual of this tour and didn’t see it there. I don’t know why they decided to throw it in for the last stretch of the tour but I’m very glad they did. 

”Hunter’s Moon” - A special song to hear for me because it’s the song that reminded me that I still needed to finally start listening to Ghost. Thank you, Halloween Kills. And it also reminded me that the Hunter’s Moon is on my birthday this year (October 9th) so I have to spend all day long listening to this song and will make sure to sit outside at night and listen to it, regardless of whether or not I can actually see the moon that night. 

“Ritual” - I figuratively had front row seats to Aether basically telling Dew to shut the fuck up. I didn’t record the full song. Just the beginning and that ending because I knew it was coming. It was just so great to be right there for that. I love those two so much. 

“Con Clavi Con Dio” - One of my favorite songs that I was glad to see they added back in to the setlist. This one holds a special place in my heart because it was the first song Popia sang after becoming Papa IV. So hearing him specifically sing it...Just yes. 

“Year Zero” - Not just my favorite Ghost song but one of my favorite songs of all-time. Singing “hell Satan” with 5,000+ other people = a religious experience in its own right. It was a wonderful moment that will be cherished by me forever.

“He Is” - Definitely another religious experience here. Slowing things down, all of the cell phone flashlights out, everyone singing a hymn to Lucifer together with Papa. Simply beautiful. 

That covers the big things I wanted to say. I really enjoyed the entire setlist and think they did very well in choosing what they chose and even the order they were played in. 

I can’t really think of anything else I wanted to say at the moment. It’s 1:00 AM so I’m just going to bed because I can’t afford to lose too much sleep, seeing as I still have to work on Thursday and Friday this week. 

#ghost #the band ghost #papa emeritus iv #dewdrop ghoul #rain ghoul #aether ghoul

[cravingbro]

Totebag

siblings drabbles au : 750 words — physical attacks, bunch of clingy interaction, love-hate relationship.

My hands were shaking but I had to do this for the sake of my organization. So, I approached my brother and sneaked around his arms while he was playing mobile game.

"What?" he asked, still focusing his entire soul on the game.

"I need your help to—"

"I'm busy."

"When will you ... not busy?"

"I don't know."

I sighed, not knowing what else I could do beside waiting. The only thing I can do at that time was just staring on his screen while he groaned and yelled the whole time. Strangely, he never kicked me out even though I might covered half of his screen. Instead, he placed his jaw on the top of my head.

"What task?" he asked another question. He is so used with helping me finish my task. That is why a templated-question came out. But I did not have any task to do at the moment, so I did not reply except with a slow head-shake. "Nothing, it's just that our event ... need a model for totebag promotion on social med—"

"I'll take your picture later. Two more games, okay?" He cut my words with his offering, which I responded immediately. "No no no. It's not me. We need a man to wear it, so that it's not just women who'll buy our stuff," I uttered. My brother paused his game in instant then glared at me sharp. "You're not going to use me for that, right?"

"Please?" I practically begged in tiny voice, while he yelled his disagreement out loud.

"They knew you look good on camera, so they ask me if I could—"

"Why the fuck did you— Geez ... I can't do it," he yelled while raising both hands up as a surrender signal. I embraced his abdomen tight then whispered, "Should we eat sushi for dinner?"

"It's not about food negotiation. It's a matter of my face—"

"Actually you can look down! Or cover your face with hands! Make it something like ... shy, naturally-handsome prince wearing a minimalist totebag ...," I shouted in excitement. He frozed all of sudden, realizing what a monkey-like his sister had become when she is desperate.

"Please, they will yell at me if I fail." I put on a gloomy face, but he just blew my face jokingly.

"Louder than your teacher?" he teased with a question. "Even louder than you," I replied, mimicking his face when he is mad. He pinched both of my cheeks and shook my head like a toy. Then he said, "Salmon sushi for dinner and it's a deal."

"Salmon?! Hell yeah, my money's limited!" I yelled back, yet he just laughed out loud as he hugged me tight.

"Tuna tuna tuna," he bargained. "Fresh tuna. Raw and uncooked," he added as he smiled.

"Alright," I whispered. He then lifted me up, threw me back to the sofa, and stood up. Right before he walked, I kicked his butt yet he catched my feet and pulled it until I fell from the sofa.

"What shirt do I need to wear?" he asked as he covered his face from my potential-smashes. I stood up while catching my breath. I almost went all-out but he was giving me a gloomy face.

"Can you just ... go shirtless? It might sell more," I joked. He hissed and rolled his eyes before he pointed a middle finger on me. Later, he grabbed my shoulders, swung me, then pushed me while shouted, "Get out from the house!"

We continued throwing jokes and teasing each other until the sudden-amateur photoshoot was done and the sun set three hours later. As I promised, we ordered tuna sushi and ate afterward. However while we eat, I could saw his phone screen clearly and I saw him literally changed his social media's profile picture using the photo we just took.

"The fuck, man," I murmured. He burst out laughed although his mouth were full of rice. "Since I looked as good as you said," he replied and gave me wink out of nowhere. I choked immediately as I threw a punch to his shoulder.

"Stop doing that! I'm not your marketplace for that silly wink," I yelled. He chuckled and could not stop for a while.

For fuck's sake, that evening, I actually felt great that the totebag photoshoot went well. But the fact that I needed my brother to get it done definitely boiled my blood to the max. What a narcissistic ass he had became. He could not stop zooming in every photos and adore himself. Ew.

#brother #buddie fic #fanfic #fic #jaehyun #jaehyun au #nct au #nct jaehyun #siblings au #short ficlet #siblings fic #au nct #au jaehyun

[csmeaner]

eyo, the reason why the blacklist is so big is bc there was a group of ppl who made/ran a black market where people under-the-table traded/sold kalons to get around the shit trading rules LOL

the reason why they got caught was because one of the black market admins was stupid as shit and tried to sell a kalon to someone outside of the group, and the dude turned around and snitched to a staff member. when the admin got banned they threw a bitchfit about it in the server and were basically told (including another admin) that they were acting like a little baby about it and it was their fault for trying to do that especially since it was literally in the rules not to trade to people outside of the group. lmao.

i think what made it funnier to me at that time bc admin stupid had a kalon dekudog of galadriel from lotr, and they kept repeating over and over that "kalon staff can't take [galadriel] away from me she's literally my character" like okay claire, whatever lmao! as if galadriel was urs to begin with

also yeah dekudogs! they allow that, they're like an epidemic there. mainly myos but there have been like half a dozen dekudogs that were official adopts. i've seen a fuckton of bnha doggies, some animal crossing, a mew dekudog, and dekus from the arcana. oh and homestuck. im tired of it lol

anyways, back to the black market. the admin stupid's friend (who wasn't even in kals, idk why they were even there lol) got pissy at everyone for "mistreating their friend" (whatever the fuck that meant) and snitched on everyone in the server, but bc it took days for the owner to respond not everyone who was in the server made it to the blacklist and there was like 1 person who never got banned from the species server.

someone did try to threaten legal action against the owner (iirc, it was a cease and desist order) for revoking the blacklisted people's kalons, but the owner fucked off and played dirty by only letting C&D person keep their kals and everyone else's still got revoked. supposedly the revoked designs were to be readopted to the community but i have not seen any post about it, won't be surprised if the design ended up being gobbled by kalon staff lol. greedy fucking hoarders.

also yes, the owner wicc is a piece of shit. when the founder of the species (mintiature/skunkify, who is also an objectively terrible person but that's another story for another time) decided to sell kalons, wicc funded karmel's bids from behind the scenes in exchange for becoming co-owner without minti knowing, and then banned minti (and some of their friends) a year or so later. and wicc fucking HATED minti to hell and back, so naturally they got banned bc minti and their friends were doing prank calls and everyone blew tf up over it.

one of the other friends (capone) who got banned basically said sorry to wicc and then got unbanned later on. obviously ppl are like Wtf! why?? and then it turns out that the friend was dating wicc. okay then

cap was also a proshit and a lot of ppl didnt like him also bc he threw himself into drama a lot and if u went to their twitter there was just a bunch of nsfw of blatantly underaged bkdk. he also posted a lot of abo larp tweets concerning him and wicc (who was his alpha. or wahtever).

i hated typing that last part out. anyways!

so iirc, sales from the kalon shop are supposed to be split between minti, karm and wicc. and when minti got banned from the species im like 90% sure wicc stopped sending money to minti lol. i dont remember if it was explicitly stated, but yeah a lot of people speculated that wicc stopped sending money to minti.

and then karm steps down as co-owner from the species. LOL. that was kinda terrible bc after that wicc started doing the bundle sales that anon mentioned earlier, and you can literally TELL where it's going to, bc wicc would constantly post updates in the kalon server where he's going/what he's doing, and it's all just a bunch of inane stupid shit like going into road trips to "surprise visit" his stupid fucking boyfriend, BUYING A SNAKE DESPITE HAVING A LOT OF OTHER PETS THAT HE BARELY TAKES CARE OF, buying new substrate for his snake bc it was getting rashes or something, buying bnha merch, needing money to fix his car tire so he can go on another road trip with his bf...

oh and did i mention that was literally the only thing he was active in the species for at that point? bc it was, and it was shitty bc this was all happening in the weeks/months after the mass blacklisting and people were trying to void the kalons they were allowed to keep/transfer them out of the species (also a bunch of bullshit rules btw, but that's also another story) and people were trying to contact wicc to get him to recant the revoking before they escalated to legal action, but wicc literally admitted that he didn't open the message. wow. A+ professionalism. this man is getting hundreds of dollars in myo/item sales and he doesn't pay his artists, doesn't have a masterlist for the species, DOESN'T EVEN MAKE DESIGNS FOR HIS OWN SPECIES, and only shows up to sell stupid bundle boxes to fund his stupid financial choices.

idk, kals as a whole is honestly one of the worst species you could ever get into. mods and artists so far up their own ass they don't give a fuck about you unless you're an a-grade bootlicker, cliques within cliques within cliques within the staff, artists who think they're god's gift to mankind bc they draw a bunch of objectively pretty designs for free (if you hate drawing free designs so much then why are you still in staff??). an owner that was barely present despite earning hundreds in slot/item sales (also given the fact that this is all literally happening on a small site that barely anyone has heard of, where a majority of the userbase are minors, this is a big fucking deal) and only showed up to leech off your money and sell shop bundles to fund his stupid financial decisions.....the pretty designs aren't worth it.

i can't even read this much but sounds like you had a lot to say

#kalons

[the-firebird69]

There's a couple other things to announce

-John reillard is out gallivanting around and there's nothing people are bothering him and he's seeing that he's not getting anywhere and he wants to try for the car doesn't really have motivation and he's thinking of starting up the alcohol business and really these people are all fools so he goes up there and he's trying to start it up and everybody starts bothering him so he starts taking them prisoner on the island and try them to get to do the work and they won't do it and they suck keep sabotaging things so instead they haven't he hasn't billed cars to attack each other with and that's how they escape and he's ridiculous person we figured out that he's kind of dumb but that's what happens and it happens when these mob story start up and then started up I was trying to bootleg and he can't seem to do it he's like the biggest bootlegger in the history of the guy can't figure it out and it's going on pretty soon and yeah Porky's that's his place and here's the idea was a flare gun and he fires it up and his people get seen and they're going to try that tonight and he goes up there it's later on the week and he fails so tries to get the car but in order to do the death race he doesn't have to do the titanium video trying to figure it out that's the space Odyssey here comes a little later on if you want things occur coming up real soon

-people are noticing their son just sitting here wallowing and doing nothing just getting food and eating and doing some work I'm trying to sleep and try to get by so they're trying to get this fund to going to try and do stuff. Is that working too great and the different groups but they get together and they try and do it as a bunch of women and some of the guys and they're trying to organize to make life a little better for themselves too and it is kind of working and it is it was formed on the pluggers I don't like the name they said you should have like inductees be pluggers and then they get elevated so you start laughing and say okay and start doing that and it's working again there's a whole bunch of them trying to do stuff and I'll tell you what it's not bad so they're doing this and trying to get them things and they noticed it's the max I used to try and use the code against them and they're trying to get that going at one moment I thought they almost had it and then they blew it but they're doing it and pretty soon he should have some things when you really needs money so we're working on that too

-there's a large group that are forming downtown almost everyday and they're not pluggers they're a bunch of trumpsters and trying to do things to people and kidnap our son and people are now splitting them up and taking them in and getting their stuff

-this is a severe headache here you need stuff done right now we need stuff done right now and he does and he needs funding right now it's falling way behind and we can't get him anything and we need to identify who's in the way and knock them down or knock them out and starting right now

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

[casspurrjoybell-21]

Pirate Chains - Volume 2 - Against Tides

*Warning Adult Content*

Chapter 2 - I'm a Pirate too - Part 4

Nyx

"This is it baby. This is the time we decide who's going to land and who's staying on the ship."

Ace continued explaining.

"We need to keep the ship guarded, so we always leave a small team behind. That team will only leave the ship in three days and the next unlucky bunch will take over."

"So? Who wants to pay for the first draw?"

Pin looked around him at the hesitant eyes. 

"What difference does it make?"

I wanted to swallow my question back when Pin glared at me.

"What difference you ask? IT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE OF THE WORLD."

Jay pulled a coin and put it jokingly on Pin's head, who immediately turned his glare at him and caught the coin before it fell.

"The first to draw gets all the luck there is," Jay said, then he wiggled his big fingers and blew on them, for luck, I guess?

I wanted to tell him that the odds weren't going to be better just because he's choosing first but I kept my mouth shut. And I watched like everyone, as he pulled one of the straws. And as soon as he did everyone busted laughing. I didn't need to ask to know if he was lucky or not because he dropped on his knees and released a sky breaking dramatic.

"No."

I actually couldn't stop laughing and everyone took their time to tease him and remind him that he won't be able to 'smell pussy' (their words) for three more days. Seeing how Agenor and Ace were the only ones laying back, I figured they weren't obliged by this risky game. I, on the other hand, did not stand back like I usually do. I stepped forward, trying to get my chance, just like everyone else.

I was at advantage since Pin was close to Agenor and so was I but I still ended up being pushed back. Well, at least I tried, right? It was Pin's job to point who will draw next and everyone needs to witness his share of luck. After the very few more who paid, Pin pushed the bouquet at me.

"Your turn punch-boy."

"I don't have money."

"I know but the Captain likes you, so you get to draw before these fuckers for free."

I frankly was surprised by the sudden generosity that was very unknown to Pin. But I didn't waste time, so I pulled a straw before he could change his mind. I followed the ritual and lifted my luck for everyone to see.

"Is this good?"

Maren was on my side in a second.

"Wow. Two words mate, Lola and Trixie."

Some around us nodded and Nash clarified.

"His whore friends."

My eyes widened. Yes, Maren is trying to set me up with women. 

"No thanks, I'll pass."

"You can't pass mate. You'll see, those two will do anything."

And he lowered his voice seductively.

"And I mean ANYTHING you ask. And since you're my friend, I'll get them to do you for a lower cost."

He winked at me and I couldn't even find the words to answer him. He didn't wait for my opinion anyway as he stepped before me and closer to Pin.

"Alright. My turn. Nyx brought the Goddess of luck, better do this before she goes back to drinking with some old sailors somewhere."

The bouquet started getting lighter and many kept congratulating me and saying things like.

"Heavens are on your side." or "If lucky the first time, then lucky forever."

I knew it was silly but the impressionable me couldn't help feel more excited about this whole thing. And the straws were almost finished when my eyes locked on Agenor. I was smiling but he was far from it. It was almost like he was glaring at me. 

'Did I do something wrong?'

I decided not to think about that right now and try to be happy with my lucky straw like most of the pirates around me. But the so called 'Goddess of luck' didn't stick by my side after all.

"You're not going."

The order was calm. Simple. It descended like heavenly fate for everyone to obey. I wondered who he was talking about, until I saw all eyes on me. 

'Wait, ME?'

"Excuse me?"

"You will be staying on the Martina."

I smiled a bit uncomfortably, trying to convince myself that he was joking. But of course he wasn't. Agenor never joked like that and the silence that invaded the deck confirmed it. I opened my hand for him to see my straw.

"I picked a long straw. I won my right to..."

"You're not going on Esme."

His eyes looked cold and merciless, making me stop and fail to formulate a protest. That was an order as clear as the day. I was not to defy a direct order. At the corner of my eyes, I saw someone push the crowd to stand closer to me. I thought someone have stepped in to defend me. In the end the person just reached for the straw in my hand.

"I guess you won't be needing that now."

I yanked my hand protecting the straw.

"Get your hands off me."

The pirate glared at me as if I grew a second head, then he decided against making something out of this and he retreated after glancing quickly to his Captain.

'WHAT THE HELL?'

My breathing got heavier and I felt anger filling my head, which didn't really help my confusion at all. I followed Ace and everyone as they got back to their work. I helped move empty barrels and boxes that we were going to fill with water or food. Everyone was happy, whistling and laughing. I felt the desire to join their laughs but apparently I didn't have the right to. And I didn't even know the reason.

And to top it all, the pirates were now avoiding me like the plague, probably scared they'd get stuck with me. No one was talking to me anymore. And as I moved around carrying things to the deck, I never felt more transparent. So ironic, earlier when I was on the mast I appreciated not being seen but now that I got my wish, it felt horrible and lonely. I stood in the storage room. It was much emptier than usual with most of the heavy stuff moved out. 

'Maybe I should just keep myself busy by cleaning here, bury myself in work.' 

But I didn't want to work. I didn't want to feel the waves right now. I wanted to be with everyone... with Agenor.

"Pst. Hey, what happened there mate?" 

"You tell me, Maren? You were there. You're always watching everything. Did I do something wrong?"

He looked as confused as I was. My God, I couldn't stoop lower. Not only I can't deal with my own shit on my own, I'm actually making a 15 year old worry about me.

"Look, maybe the Captain heard something or misunderstood something. What I'm sure of is that he likes you and he also likes to award people who work hard. So don't give up mate, just keep working and he'll see that."

I thought seriously about what he said and before I knew it, he gave me a quick salute and left. I swallowed my nervousness and encouraged myself to go back to work with everyone. It was useless to give up so easily and hide, I better do as Maren said and keep working hard. Which wasn't easy to do. My mind was so distracted and I always worked my best, so now I was overworking myself to exhaustion and all it took was one hour for me to feel strengthless. 

I saw some pirates take a few things out of the cabin. And like I thought, Agenor was there ordering them. I stepped closer when Agenor walked out while putting on his leather jacket, not even sparing me a glance. I stepped before him making him halt to stare at me. Coldness crept inside me at the sight of his emotionless eyes. 

'Why would he look at me like that?'

[kingspadille]

I'm desperately trying to keep things cool so my fiance doesn't fully get how starving I am.

We have to pay rent and it'll leave us with nothing. Absolutely nothing money wise for two weeks.

I'm 95ish pounds and the skin on my feet is starting to bunch up due to not having really any fat to hang onto anymore.

All I've been eating is pasta really. We're running out of everything. Weve been going to this charity thing to get some food but it's made me sick a few times.

I'm terrified but I'm two paychecks away from being okay. My eating disorder isn't helping either. We ordered some taco Bell last night with the last of my money and I could hardly eat it due to my fucking eating disorder.

I hate this. I can't even ask my dad to help anymore. He'd send me money now and again but he blew up on me recently and acted like I was the biggest issue in his life for simply needing a little help.

I can't turn to friends anymore. I've been getting too much help from them and it's just not fair. I don't want to burden people. I just want to eat something. I'm so tired. I'm so stressed out. I want to die but I can't leave behind everything I worked for. My book is so close to being published and I'm going to get married soon.

I just need to hold on a little.longer. I'm so...hungry. I've never been this hungry in my life. The worse part is, I keep having dreams that I'm eating or I get some food and I wake up and feel even worse.

I need to keep acting okay for my fiance that's why I'm venting here. I just wish I could close my eyes and wake up next month.

#vent

[fzzr]

Spring 2023 Anime Wrapup

Original Post:

This sure was a season. I finished 14 full-length series, plus some OVAs and carryovers. Undisputed show of the season Oshi no Ko and underrated hit Dead Mount Death Play lead the pack, but there's a range of other content between hate-watchable and actually good as well.

New Stuff:

Oshi no Ko (My Star) - Holy shit. I don't want to say much to avoid spoilers, but it was a 10/10 candidate from episode one and still might end up there on rewatch. For now 9/10, you MUST watch this. There will be a post forthcoming when I process it for a while.

Isekai de Cheat Skill wo Te ni Shita Ore wa, Genjitsu Sekai wo mo Musou Suru: Level Up wa Jinsei wo Kaeta (I Got a Cheat Skill in Another World and Became Unrivaled in The Real World, Too) - They put the entire power fantasy in the title for your convenience. It's not a great message that all you need to do to become popular is inherit a bunch of money and literally magically change your entire body, but here we are. The power fantasy is truly stratospheric - for example, he accidentally seduces a model and is proposed to by a princess in the space of one episode. The "animation" (or lack thereof) doesn't give the at best mediocre plot the support it needs, alas. A very generous 6/10.

Jigokuraku (Hell's Paradise) - Samurai Suicide Squad with a hearty helping of EDGE and a surprising amount of heart. The action was good, even though it sometimes felt like they ran out of time to make things truly excellent. 8/10.

Kanojo ga Koushaku-tei ni Itta Riyuu (The Reason Why Raeliana Ended up at the Duke's Mansion) - Another villainess anime, this time with the twist being that she becomes a villainess on purpose in order to save her own life. Most of the time the plot foreknowledge twist was used to undermine typical shoujo tropes rather than heighten them. Between that and the nothing ending, I found it oddly muted. 7/10.

Kimi wa Houkago Insomnia (Insomniacs After School) - I didn't finish this yet, because I don't think I'm ready for the emotional punches it's setting up. Not dropped, just not done.

Skip to Loafer (Skip and Loafer) - A country-girl-in-the-big-city shoujo story, in which our protagonist good-natures her way through a whole stable of stock high school antagonists. I like that given only twelve episodes to work with they didn't speedrun to parts where relationships happen, and instead let the story take its time. This is the first time since Hyouka I've really liked something with this sort of sedate pace. Looking forward to more! 8/10.

Tengoku Daimakyou (Heavenly Delusion) - A trip through the post-apocalypse featuring spooky monsters, bioethics failures, and a mix of hope and despair at how people face life after the end. Worth a watch, but be aware there's some extreme content. 8/10

Yamada-kun to Lv999 no Koi wo Suru (Loving Yamada at Lv999) - Shoujo for gamers! Unlike Raeliana above this shoujo with a twist did it for me. For personal reasons I appreciated the respect paid to online relationships. Convincing characters and relationships plus distinct and consistent art make this a very honorable 8/10.

Otonari ni Ginga (A Galaxy Next Door) - A guy touches an alien princess funny and they're married now. Yes, another one. This time, she's his manga assistant. Very light and fluffy, despite the subtheme of family alienation. 7/10, though at the high end for myself.

Dead Mount Death Play - Reverse Isekai! With a name like that you'd expect some serious edge, and there is some. Surprisingly though the themes are very wholesome. This was the biggest surprise of the season. I didn't watch it in the first round of shows, but when I looked at it out of curiosity it blew me away. 9/10, you should really watch this.

Tonikaku Kawaii - This is a sequel, but I hadn't watched the previous season, so it's new to me. I added it later in the season mostly out of curiosity. It turned out to be another entry in the impossibly perfect significant other microgenre, like The Angel Next Door Spoils Me Rotten. As with Angel Next Door, the point is that you should be an actual good person. This time it's about the rewards of getting married as soon as possible, and here are step-by-step instructions. There's a subtle-but-not-subtle supernatural undercurrent that becomes increasingly obvious in season 2, as well. 7/10.

Sequels:

Birdie Wing: Golf Girls' Story Season 2 - What can you say about a show that introduces multiple dangerous forbidden techniques in the middle of a tournament arc... of golf? Anyway here's lesbians doing more wacky special moves. If you're into weird sports anime you're sure to be into this. 8/10.

Dr. Stone: New World - There was a lot more yadda yadda this time, so it fell a bit flat. The less they show Senku's work coming up with things the more they feel like instant win buttons instead of things they worked for. I had hoped the cast size constraint in the second half of the season would have let them go back to spending time on inventions, but alas no. 7/10.

Kimetsu no Yaiba: Katanakaji no Sato-hen (Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba Swordsmith Village Arc) - Yep, it was more Demon Slayer. I'm pleased that Demon Slayer has mostly maintained its quality, in contrast with My Hero Academia which fell off a bit in the middle there. 8/10.

Kidou Senshi Gundam: Suisei no Majo Season 2 (Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury Season 2) - The robots (and lesbians) are cool, but I don't see how it's possible to miss the "war (and unfettered capitalism) is bad" message. It's also a new take on Revolutionary Girl Utena, which I've been meaning to re-watch and write about for some time. No excuse now, I suppose. 8/10.

Uma Musume: Pretty Derby - Road to the Top - I forgot to put this on the first list because it's a four episode ONA that hadn't started airing yet. As one of the weird sports anime I actually enjoy, of course I was up for even just a small arc of it. 8/10.

Carryovers:

Kubo-san wa Mob wo Yurusanai (Kubo Won't Let Me Be Invisible) - Finally a bulli anime I can enjoy, thanks to it not actually being bulli for very long. In the end this was a sort of nothing-in-particular show, falling somewhere in the fuzzy area around impossibly perfect SO and teasing anime. As expected it's almost all frosting and no cake, but I did enjoy my time with it. 7/10.

Itai no wa Iya nano de Bougyoryoku ni Kyokufuri Shitai to Omoimasu. 2 (BOFURI: I Don't Want to Get Hurt, so I'll Max Out My Defense. Season 2) - This fell off a bit, and I think I know why. It suffered from the same thing as later Dog Days seasons, where it used its expansive cast by shuffling who hangs out with who. This provides less novelty than the original concept of "what will they get up to now" did, and it also necessarily slows things to a crawl as we need to see more perspectives on every event as a result. Still, the characters remain fun and the game is as busted as ever. 7/10.

Dropped:

Kaminaki Sekai no Kamisama Katsudou - Garbage. A fetish fest with godawful CGI. Rancid vibes. You'll never know where it's going. You may have trouble looking away. I did eventually, though. Dropped at episode 10. 6/10.

Isekai One Turn Kill Neesan: Ane Douhan no Isekai Seikatsu Hajimemashita (My One-Hit Kill Sister) - Lots of Rule D edging. The quality isn't the most consistent, the tropes are basic, and little of value is to be found here. When it's good, it's actually kinda good. Unfortunately it got boring. Dropped at episode 10. 6/10.

Edomae Elf (Otaku Elf) - Elf in real world! Wooo! A nice comfy show. Not much happens, but it's cute enough. Got boring in the end though. Dropped at episode 10. 7/10.

My Home Hero - It's hard to think of anything recently that used tension and suspense to this degree. That said, the every-episode cliffhangers eventually got exhausting and turned me off and I stopped keeping up. 7/10 not for me.

#anime #spring 2023 anime #seasonal anime #original post

[desertgremlin]

Okay, that's great to hear that the reviews are better. And those people that were complaining about the show still watched it, so the views count either way, which is what matters.

Also I promise to watch episode five! I was doing chores all day yesterday and was so tired but I will catch up haha.

But about The Bear: people were like, I don't get why the money was in the cans? How did they get the money in there? Where did it come from?

I was just like, obviously Mikey found a way to put thr money in there for Carmy? The money he borrowed from Cicero is that same money. Like, what's not making sense? If he had so many debts, wasn't paying anything, and then Carmy finds the exact amount he borrowed, how can you not connect those dots? And then the note he left for Carmy? He had been planning to leave The Beef to him. The way it went about was tragic and messy, but he always believed in Carmy. How did that not come across?

And then everyone was saying how only Marcus and Sydney were at fault for what happened when Carmy blew up about the orders. I agree they made mistakes, but it seemed like people REALLY wanted to shit on Marcus and Sydney and let Carmy have a pass and I was like 🤔🤔🤔🤔 Sydney messed up, and she immediately was trying to fix it. Carmy was rude and abusive to her and to Marcus. And people were saying that it eas wrong they didn't apologize. For what? If I make a mistake and you hit me because of it, is it my responsibility to say sorry for the mistake when that is your reaction? He is their boss. When you abuse your power like that, why do you deserve an apology? You are the one in charge and you stepped out of line. It is your job to correct the people you are in charge of, not abuse them.

It also annoyed me that so many people were like, Sydney is Carmy's mentee, when time and time again, they made it clear that she was his equal, that she handled things without Carmy even being there, and at times was smarter and more capable than he was. They also would say that she intentionally stabbed Ritchie when HE was the one walking backwards in the kitchen and didn't say anything or watch where he was going. They refused to admit that it was an accident just because she didn't like him.and ignored the fact that he harrased her and disrespected her the whole time. And if it wasn't an accident, and she did it because he acted that way towards her, then obviously they agree that he was an asshole the whole time! And yet, because he got hurt, she was the one at fault.

It was just a lot of people, men particularly, veiwing themselves in Carmy and Ritchie and not seeing Marcus and Sydney as real characters or people with flaws and giving some people leeway and not others. But what else can I expect from people on Reddit?

No rush at all! I probably won't have time to watch the next eps soon anyway because I've got a bunch of things on the next two days. God, I probably should watch GoL on the streaming service to get it more official views 😅

Oh wow people just love to not put in a little more thought about pretty straightforward plotlines, lmao. That note and ending had me so 🥹🥹

I think Sydney's so fucking great!!! She holds her own soo many times and brings her own knowledge and experience to the table time and time again and Carmy definitely knows and acknowledges that. Trust Reddit to just see her as a mentee AND to put all the blame on her in that scene where Ritchie gets stabbed. Like, if you look at it in context that entire scene (entire episode, really) everyone was on edge and high tension and not thinking straight so yeah accidents happen. Even if it wasn't an accident it still makes sense within the scene to me (maybe I just like when people get vindictive lmaoo) and the 'blame' is totally equal, it was mayhem in there.

You know, for some insane reason I made a new Reddit account this year after being off it for ages, but maybe I'll keep staying away from the show subreddits 😂

#gol anon #ask

[ultrakdramamama]

SUPERSTAR album details

SHINee to release new mini album! Contains five tracks in total.

tracklist:

1 SUPERSTAR 2 Closer 3 Don't Call Me (Japanese Version) 4 Atlantis (Korean Version) 5 SEASONS

There will be SEVEN VERSIONS/EDITIONS!!!

Superstar [Regular Edition (First Press)] This edition comes with a photo book and a trading card C (private shots ver.) randomly selected from four kinds.

Superstar [Photo Edition / Limited Edition Type A]  This edition comes with a photo book and a trading card A (cover photo ver.) randomly selected from eight kinds. Features a tall size digipak with a sleeve case.

Superstar [Movie Edition / Limited Edition Type B]  This edition comes with a DVD featuring music video and photo shooting making-of. Also comes with a photo book and a trading card B (cover photo ver.) randomly selected from eight kinds. Features a tall size digipak.

Superstar [ONEW Edition / Limited Edition] This edition comes with a photo book and a postcard (ONEW, selfie ver.) randomly selected from two kinds.

Superstar [KEY Edition / Limited Edition] This edition comes with a photo book and a postcard (KEY, selfie ver.) randomly selected from two kinds.

Superstar [MINHO Edition / Limited Edition] This edition comes with a photo book and a postcard (MINHO, selfie ver.) randomly selected from two kinds

Superstar [TAEMIN Edition / Limited Edition] This edition comes with a photo book and a postcard (TAEMIN, selfie ver.) randomly selected from two kinds.

#SHINee #Onew #Key #Minho #Taemin #SUPERSTAR #blew a bunch of money and ordered all of these #:) #album details #album covers

[qasian-tech-support]

.

#hhhhhhhhhh #i really need to learn not to stay up so late. i stayed up until 4am and woke up about 9-ish and now i am FILLED with anxiety #but its not like a *bad* anxiety exactly; its like a mix between excitement; nervousness; happiness; dread; etc etc #i just ordered some stuff last night (aka blew a chunck of my money) and im excited for it but also terrified that my dad may see it #(he thinks i waste a lot of money on a regular basis when in reality this is like the only stuff ive bought for myself in months; but it #wont help for him to see a bunch of packages); #and im surprised bc im actually looking forward to something and its got my mind racing; but im also mentally hitting my head on a wall bc #ive been in a shitty place mentally/emotionally lately (for a few months now) where it feels like i cant envision what a future for myself #may look like and its really hard to get out of #..okay maybe it is a little bit of bad anxiety.. #i may be able to catch a little rest before i have to work but like. FUCK #me​ @my heart: could you perhaps not be irratic? all i had was a single mountain dew calm the fuck down #sorry for the infodump i just felt like i was going to burst #vent post #delete later

[twinkleimagines]

*He cheats*

Drew gets caught up in the fame after obx 2 airs and his popularity shoots up. You’ve been his girlfriend for over two years since you met on set for obx season one but he gets lost in the fame , the money and the girls.

Cheating.

verb

past tense: cheated

act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, or to be sexually unfaithful.

Who would’ve thought you out of all people , would get cheated on.

You were nothing but honest and loyal. A supportive girlfriend since the very beginning. You weren’t clingy. You weren’t ugly. You wouldn’t say ‘perfect’, but you were nothing close to a bad girlfriend.

So why?

Why was the real question when you woke up this morning, your phone being blown up by friends and family after your boyfriend of 2 years went viral on Twitter-

For being spotted with another woman.

Drew had went out to celebrate in Serbia for the release of Season 2, but you unfortunately had to stay behind for work. It was no issue to you that Drew was partying so far away , because you thought you could trust him.

But seeing his tongue down some blonde girls throat was enough proof to show you that you couldn’t - not anymore.

You sat silently in your shared apartment with Drew back in LA, staring at your coffee cup Drew had gotten for you over Christmas. Tears falling gently down your face as you stared into space, your mind wondering.

A lot of the photos being shared showed Drew getting in a vehicle with the same woman. You had hoped and prayed it never went past a kids, but you were almost positive it went pass that.

He had tried calling you multiple times but you hadn’t bothered to answer, eventually turning the phone itself off . If Drew wanted to explain himself, he could say it in person, until then you had no interest in his excuses.

You sighed heavily before getting up, dressing yourself before making your way back to the same spot, only to begin crying again. It was so hard. You were honestly stuck. You figured the girl didn’t mean anything to him. He was probably out drinking and had a bunch of bimbos throwing themselves on him. But regardless he had you at home . He could’ve resisted if he wanted to .

~~~~

You had spent all day alone in the apartment , most of the time crying and ignoring your phone. It was hard, you wanted to talk to Drew and hear his reasons behind him cheating but you knew over text didn’t mean anything. You wanted to read his face and see if he truly felt sorry.

After a while You finally decided to turn your phone on, it immediately buzzing from the messages. Of course Drew’s name popped over 90% of the notifications. Instagram, Twitter, snapchat - he blew your phone up.

You watched as your phone lit up, Drew’s photo popping up on the screen. You hesitated for a second. He has gone all day without hearing a word from you so you figured one call would be fair.

“ what” you spat out. You already knew what was coming.

“ y/n princess I am so sorry okay I-I don’t know what happened I just-“

“ Drew save it” you argued, cutting him off mid sentence.

“ there’s nothing you can say that would make this situation any better. You cheated Drew. And you did it so public that I had to find out from Twitter !” At this point the tears were pouring once again, but this time from anger.

“ princess I know” he cried out over the phone. “ I fucked up so bad I don’t know what the hell came over me I am so-“

“ Drew I have nothing else to say to you” you interrupted before hanging the phone up. The moment the line disconnected, your head flew to your hands, immediate sobs falling from your mouth . It broke you hearing him. You wanted to stay on the phone and listen but you knew he was just going to say what he knew you wanted to hear and without seeing him you wouldn’t know for sure if he meant any of it.

~~~

The night was long, and lonely . You hadn’t really spoken to anyone . Too many questions that you just weren’t ready to answer. You wanted to speak to see but at this given moment it just wasn’t best . Your heart ached, wondering what was so wrong with you that he felt the need to seek attention from another girl.

You jumped quickly as you heard your front door open. You weren’t expecting anyone and Drew was in another country so it couldn’t be him.

You laid quickly in yours in Drew’s shared bedroom as you heard a set of keys being sat down on the counter. You stood up slowly , ready to attack until your bedroom door opened, Drew himself looking back at you. He looked restless, and his eyes red and puffy from crying .

“Drew?” You asked with surprise.

“ hi princess” he spoke softly, setting his suitcase down by the bedroom door.

“ I- I thought you were in Serbia “ you asked , your head lowering as you remembered what he had done in Serbia.

“ I’ve been on a plane this whole time “ he responded running his hair through his hair. “I knew apologizing over text didn’t mean anything and you deserve to at least hear it in person”.

You sighed, crossing your arms over your chest.

“ it doesn’t matter Drew” you stated shaking your head, not making eye contact . “ you cheated” you said, your voice quivering as the lump formed in the back of your throat.

“ I know princess and I cannot express how sorry I am” he relooked reaching his hand out only for you to back away.

“ listen, I was drinking way too much and this girl was just all over me . I blacked out and next thing I knew I was waking up in her bed. This is the honest to God truth . “ he said, tears pooling over his blue eyes. “ it’s no excuse and I regret it completely . I shouldn’t have drank that much and I know I hurt you.”

“ Drew you didn’t just hurt me you humiliated me “ you cried out, your vision blurring from tears. “ everybody saw that you cheated on me Drew everyone!”

Drew sat down on the edge of your bed, his hands landing in his head as he began silently crying. You stood for a second . You hadn’t personally seen Drew cry like this over anything. Your demeanor softened as you realized he really regretted his actions. You sat down next to him, pulling one of his hands from his face.

“ princess I’m so scared I’m going to lose you” he said softly, tears continuously falling from his face.

“ Drew “ you sighed out, shaking your head slightly. “ you slept with someone- a stranger . You broke my trust a-and now I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust you to go out without wondering if you’re with someone else again” you spoke . And that was the truth too. If you took him back you were forever going to question what he was doing when you weren’t around, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to live like that.

“You took something so special and intimate between us and shared it w-with a stranger” . Drew sighed heavily, trying to hold himself together. It was breaking his heart what he did to you.

“ I can’t blame you if you don’t want to be with me anymore- but I just hope you know that from the bottom of my heart you mean the world to me and no woman would ever compare to you. And this will never happen again” he exclaimed, his large hands wrapping around yours .

You both sat in silence as you tried to figure out what you truly wanted .

“ I think I’m going to go see my family for a couple of days , just to clear my head and get a clear thought” you finally replied, breaking the silence. Drew wanted to argue, and beg you to stay but he knew at this point the only thing he could do was to give you your space and hope you choose to give him a second chance .

“I love you okay. No matter what you choose. I know I fucked up but I just want you to know that I’ll be here waiting if you decide to give me a second chance” he responded , standing up to face you . You nodded before walking towards your closet to grab a few things before making your way out the door.

~~~

It has been 3 days since you had left your shared apartment with Drew. He spent at least almost every hour telling you he loved you and how sorry for you. Most of the time you didn’t respond except for at night to tell him you still loved him. But the whole reason of you leaving was to clear your head and if you stayed in contact the whole time then you wouldn’t be able to clear your head.

Today , you were really missing him. You had a dream with him, and everything was back to normal and beautiful . You craved him. You wanted to feel his hands on your body, feeling the warmth as he Held you.

“ you okay sweetie?” Your mother asked as you sat silently at the kitchen table. You nodded, moving your fork around on your plate.

“ I’m going to go home today” you replied a few moments later .

“ what? Are you sure?” Your parents weren’t happy with Drew cheating. You couldn’t blame them of course, it was wrong and it was very publicized. They hated seeing you hurting. But they knew it was your decision to make and the only thing they could do I respect it.

“ yes mom. I took time away and I think I should give him a second chance” you replied.

“ honey I only want what’s best for you. And if going back means you’re happy then okay” she said before pulling you in for a hug.

“ let me know when you make it home safe honey I love you” . You quickly said your goodbyes before leaving , heading home. You hadn’t told Drew that you were coming back. Your mind was still going in circles on the whole situation, but you knew you just needed Drew at this given moment. You were craving his touch.

It felt like an hours worth of driving by the time you made it to the apartment . Your mind was running the whole time you honestly didn’t even know how you made it with how distracted you were .

You sighed heavily with nerves as you stood at the apartment door, anxious to see the person behind it. You walked in, the living room lights on and the bedroom door shut. You smiled faintly , just the smell of Drew made your heart flutter and the entire apartment smelt like him. it smelt like home.

“ Drew ?” You called out as you opened the bedroom door. You could hear the shower running from the bathroom so you figured he was in the shower. You walked around the bedroom, your heart aching. You didn’t want to lose all of this . You knew he made a mistake but the love you had for this boy and the life you had together was worth giving him a second chance .

You sat patiently on the edge of the bed until you heard the shower water cut off. You stood up quickly , the anticipation of Drew coming out of the bathroom causing your heart to race.

You heard the door knob turn , Drew coming out with only a brown towel on. You stared at him for a second, admiring the view since he hadn’t noticed you.

“ hey” you spoke softly , grabbing his attention.

“ woah” he responded jumping slightly . “ I-I’m sorry I didn’t see you standing there” he responded, fumbling slightly with the ring on his finger.

Your eyes darkened with lust as you stared at his wet body. Knowing what was behind the towel made you crave him even more. You walked over to him slowly until you stood right in front of him, his steaming body towering over you.

“ are you-“

“ shh” you interrupted before placing your lips on Drew. Drew’s hands immediately landed on your hips, pulling your body close against his, nothing but passion coming from the kiss. Drew walked you towards the bed , your back landing in the bed as Drew hovered over you.

The sound of heavy breathing and the sound of your kissing filled the air as Drew’s hands roamed your body, himself missing the feeling of you as well.

Drew’s lips trailed down to your neck, placing sloppy kisses against you. Your eyes stared up at the ceiling as your mind began to roam. It hit you .

He was just doing this same thing with another woman. You felt your eyes water as he kissed against your cleavage , your mind picturing Drew sleeping with another woman before you quickly pushed him, sitting up in the bed before looking away from Drew.

“ I can’t do this” you breathed out, tears flowing down your cheek.

“ was I going too fast?” Drew asked, completely oblivious.

“ no Drew” you said in anger as you stood up , your hands wiping away the tears.

“ oh my god” you yelled out with your back turned away from him. Drew lowered his head as he realized what was wrong.

“ I can’t even enjoy this because all I see is you with her” You cried out. Drew stood in silence unsure what to say. “ I came here because I thought giving you a second chance was the right chance but” you hesitated before finishing your sentence, turning around to face Drew. “ but if this is how I’m going to feel Everytime-“

“ wait” Drew responded stepping forward towards you. “ please don’t say what I think you’re about to say” he replied, his bottom lip trembling.

“ I can’t do this” you cried out.

“ princess please don’t leave me ok” Drew pleaded, his hands reaching out to grab yours.

“ we don’t ever have to have sex again I don’t care I just want you okay. I fucked up and I don’t care to spend every day for the rest of my life showing you how sorry I am, and how much you mean to me okay just please don’t leave me “ he cried. You quickly grabbing him by the arm, pulling him towards you into a tight hug.

Drew continued his pleading, constant apologies flowing out of his mouth as you held your arms around him tightly, feeling his body holding slightly as he cried out.

“ hey look at me” you replied grabbing his face, making him look down at you.

“ I love you okay, I’m not going anywhere. We’ll work through this okay?” You said softly Before placing your lips against his.

“ I love you so much y/n. I will never do anything like this again. You’re the only one I want “ he promised. You nodded before placing your head against his chest. You knew he was sincere, and you knew he wasn’t going to make this mistake again.

It was going to take time, but you wanted Drew, And you were willing to get through even the worst.

*****

✨ feedback always appreciated ✨

#drew starkey #drew starkey fanfiction #drew starkey imagine #obx #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron imagine #obx fiction #obx imagine

[dreamescapeswriting]

The Best Life ~ HJS [Request]

WORD COUNT: 3.3K

GENRE: arranged marriage AU, toxic family, 

PAIRING: Jisung x Reader

A/N: I am far from the Angst queen but I hope you enjoy this sweetie

All your life things had been planned out for you, from the moment you could walk everything was set in stone by your family and you weren't in control of anything around you. From the way, you wore your hair your clothes, when you could speak and what you could do with your life. There was no control for you, the only control you had was when you could go to the bathroom and even that was timed sometimes by your family members. It seemed as though everyone else was in charge of your life while you sat there and watched everything happening around you like some kind of television show so when it came to an arranged marriage there were no surprises to you. It was only a matter of time until your family decided who you would marry and now it was that time, they'd arranged for you to marry someone called Han Jisung and that was all you knew about him, well that was all your family thought you knew about him but you'd done your research and snooped around as much as you could.

Apart from being one of the richest families in Seoul, there wasn't much to Han Jisung besides a few stories about who he was sleeping with, going to parties with and who he was friends with. It seemed as though he led a free life, something you were jealous of but if marrying him meant you even got half as much as his freedom you would take him in a heartbeat. 

"Are you sure this is the one?" Your sister's nasal-toned voice asked as you stood in the dressing room, the day before your wedding and you were trying on a brand new dress because the first one wasn't "right". Meaning that because you had been the one to pick it that it wasn't good at all. It was the way it always worked. 

"I'm sure of it, I picked it out myself." Your mother said proudly as you looked at yourself in the mirror, it was a beautiful gown but you were never going to admit to liking it. Liking it meant that they would take it away from you, you weren't allowed to have the things you liked in life. 

"Come out Y/n, not all of us have all day." Your mother barked as you glanced over your shoulder at the lady who had helped you get dressed that day she looked just as worried as you did about your mother but this was nothing new to you. Having her decide your every thought and action was nothing new so the fact that she was deciding your wedding dress was acceptable. Taking one last look at yourself you ran your hand down the ballgown and smiled to yourself.  It was a strapless bodice with a plunging necklace, tulle covering everything that needed to be cover and the top looked as though it was a corset. It had white and ivory beading around it to make it look more detailed and the fabrics were a mixture of lazy tulle and Royal organza. Thin layers of lace ranged from the bodice and extended of your hips and sides of the wedding gown, it was ultra-lightweight which meant it was going to be easy for you to walk down the aisle in. Tripping was one less thing you had to worry about. 

Stepping out from the curtain you kept your expression blank and your mouth shut as you stepped in front of your mother and sister waiting for them to say something. In your life, it was spoken when spoken to and never say something unless they've asked for you to say something first. 

"Turn," Your sister barked at you following in her mother's footsteps of giving you orders, you did a small and slow turn waiting for their input before you hear a sniffle coming from your mum. You glanced at her without saying a word knowing that if you even so much as tried to ask what was wrong the blame would be passed onto you.

"It's the perfect gown," She blew her nose into tissue as your sister hugged her from the side, the two of them crying together. 

"She does look beautiful," Your whole body tensed as you heard the bridal worker mention that you were beautiful or even acknowledge that you were the one in the gown, you stared at her with your eyes widened in fear but not for yourself, for her.

"You should be the one in the dress mum, not her but tomorrow will be perfect I promise," You let out a sigh of relief as your sister and mother seemed to ignore the worker's comment. The wedding wasn't about you, it was never going to be about you, it was about your mother and what her wedding should have been. It was the reason the venue had changed almost six times, why your dress was changed around twenty and why the groom was someone your mother picked. It was all about her, never about you. 

"Change. We have the rehearsal dinner in an hour." Your mother snapped as she looked up at you, your stomach growled at the mere thought of food. She'd had you on this crazy diet regime since she found out when the wedding was going to be, she wanted you to look the best of the best.

"Don't even think about it. You'll be having a salad and a drink, that's all you're allowed!" Without another word you walked back behind the curtain waiting for the worker to come and undo the buttons at the back of the dress.

"She seems strict," She whispered to you as soon as the curtain was pulled closed, your eyes stared up into hers in the mirror debating if you could speak without your mother hearing you but you just nodded at her before staring down at the floor. It was better safe than sorry.

Jisung stared at you as he watched you staring down at the plate in front of you, you hadn't said a word to him since arriving at the restaurant and it was beginning to bug him. Normally the girl he was seeing would be talking his ear off trying to get to know every little thing about him and his family but you didn't seem to care.

"I heard you got another wedding dress today, is this one finally "the one"?" Your father in law was just trying to make some light-hearted conversation but Jisung rolled his eyes at the mention of yet another dress. It wasn't your family's money that you were wasting trying on all the different dresses and playing dress-up with all he could think about was how you were using them for his money. Glancing to your mother to see if you had permission to speak you smiled weakly, 

"Yes, the perfect dress for tomorrow.” It wasn’t a lie, it truly was the perfect dress something you would have picked out for yourself given you had the choice in your life. 

“Better be, for the price of it,” Jisung grumbled loud enough for only you to hear, you glanced at him wondering what had gotten his panties in a bunch but he shot you a glare. There was no secret that Jisung had a strong disliking for you but from what your family put him through you didn't blame him, constantly spending his money, changing everything around the wedding and hardly speaking when he was around.

“What’s the point in buying all of the different dresses if none of them was right for you?” He questioned as soon his father began talking with your mother about church arrangements, you looked down at the glass of water in front of you it wasn't like he would understand if you told him or even believe you. 

“A girl has to be sure," You lied speaking in just below a whisper just in case your mother had started paying attention, she'd made a rule of not speaking until she gave you permission. As soon as you and Jisung were married you could do whatever it was you wanted, speak whenever you wanted since having a divorce wasn't going to be an option. She didn't care if you messed things up after the wedding, it was before that she cared about. The wedding was for them, they needed the money and you out of their hair, it was all a convenience for them. Your heart sank inside of you as you caught your sister watching you from across the table, her husband mumbled something about you speaking without permission, it appeared everyone was included in giving you orders. You stared down at the table and began sipping on the water, poking at the salad in front of you and waiting for the whole evening to be over but it seemed to be dragging on. 

"Have you written your own vows or are you going to read the originals?" Jisung's mother questioned when she noticed how awkward things seemed to be between you and her son but you looked at your mother before speaking. 

"We're going to be writing our own," Your head snapped to your mother as well as Jisung's, neither of you knew one another well enough to write your own vows so you were just as shocked as he each other upon hearing your mother say that. 

"We are?" You stumbled out without thinking, silencing yourself as soon as you saw a death glare come in your direction,

"It's a tradition in our family," Your mother said through gritted teeth, taking your hand in hers and squeezing so tightly you thought it was cutting off the circulation to your fingers which didn't go unnoticed by Jisung. His eyes stared down at your hand as he frowned to himself wondering why your mother was the one taking charge of everything, why you would look at her before speaking there was something that didn't add up for him. 

Lingering behind after the rehearsal dinner Jisung took you from behind dragging you over to the toilets and it didn't go unnoticed by your mother who was beginning to panic on the inside that something was going on.

"Do you even want this?" The sudden question made you stare up at Jisung, he was red in the face from walking over to you and it looked as though he was angry about something. 

"Yes, of course," You knew you were going to have to say everything you could to make him stay, if he tried to leave now everything would be blown. You would rather take your chances in a marriage where you don't truly love someone than staying with a toxic family that hated your guts. 

"Why? You don't know me, I don't know you." Your heart was beginning to pump faster, so fast you could practically feel the blood running through your veins as you stared up at him with worry clear on your face.

"We know each other, I know everything about you." It wasn't a lie, you knew everything there was to know about him from the internet but he knew nothing about you, not the real you. He only knew the version your family perceived you to be and that was far from who you really were. 

"You're so sheltered," He sighed as he looked at you, glancing to your mother when he noticed how uneasy you seemed to become without her around. 

"We should take Y/n home, it's a big day for you both tomorrow." The fake sincerity in your sister's tone sent shivers down your spine but you flinched as she touched you, moving away from her so you wouldn't have to deal with her cold touch. Within seconds you were being dragged over to your mother who began dragging you out of the restaurant and towards her car, lecturing you about wandering off unattended.

The next day was supposed to be the best day of your life and yet you were sitting in your wedding dress in your changing room trying not to cry. You'd been woken up early and pushed around from stylist to stylist before finally arriving at the old church your mother had picked out. The altar was decorated to perfection which of course, lead to the comments about how you were never going to match something so perfect and the church outdid everything you were trying to do.

"It's not right," Your mother hissed at you as you raised to your feet waiting for her to nitpick at every detail about that day, your makeup was done the way she wanted, your hair was styled the way she had chosen everything was the way she wanted except for one important thing. It wasn't her getting married. It wasn't her that was going to stand up there in front of everyone and have the wedding of her dreams it was you.

"She won't be our problem in a few hours, we won't have to deal with her." Your father spoke as though you weren't even in the room, the way they always did. It was demeaning and made you feel as though you were nothing but something they had stepped in. That was the one thought getting you through the whole thing, the one thought that was going to keep you strong as you walked down that aisle and into a whole new life. Into your freedom. You'd decided the night before that once you were married you would tell Jisung the truth about everything, about why you were so quiet and what your parents were really like and pray that the two of you could at least be friends. You didn't need a husband and it was clear he did not want a wife.

Organs began to play inside the double doors and you knew it was time to start walking, your father linked his arm with yours as he glanced down at you. 

"You better not trip, this wedding is everything." While normal daughters would exchange fond words with their father yours reminded you that you were imperfect and that he couldn't wait to get rid of you. 

"Head up, back straight, don't slouch," He mumbled before the doors opened but it wasn't the reaction you were hoping to get, a room filled with people and yet they were all whispering and gasping to one another. Your eyes wandered over everyone as you slowly walked up the aisle until you realised what was so shocking to them all. Jisung was nowhere to be seen. His father was seen mumbling to your mother about something before storming out of the church and your father left you standing at the altar to be gawked at as though you were some kind of animal in a zoo. Your sister smirked from the sidelines as she saw your eyes beginning to well up at the thought of being stood up on your own wedding day. 

"We appreciate everyone coming out today," Your father stood in front of you as he began addressing the full church, everyone exchanging comments about what they thought could have possibly happened between you and Jisung for you to be stood up but you were wondering the same thing. 

"Did you say something?!" Your mother screamed as soon as the church was empty everyone had left one by one but not before gawking some more as you stood at the top of the altar, forced to watch as your freedom slowly seeped away from you. Your parents had been yelling accusations at you since the moment the guests all left, you didn't know what to do. Your only means of escape were gone and you had nothing left to loose, you were already a shell of a person. 

"God knows what you said to him last night, something that humiliated us no doubt!" Your father snapped as he threw his hands up into the air, Jisung stopped just outside the door as he heard the yells coming from inside. He had come to speak to you alone thinking your parents would leave you alone for a while but all he could hear was yells. 

"It's your fault he left, you know! You're nothing but a no-good piece of trash!" Jisung flinched for you as he heard your father scream once again he felt his heart sink as he realised why you had been so insistent on the married,

"I did everything to make this perfect for you! I did everything! Everything was perfect except for you!" Their words began to build up and build up until you felt as though you were going to burst with anger. 

"What did I do that made you hate me so much?! What is so wrong with me?" You finally yelled out, staring back at them as they gave you a look of shared shock.

"We took you in! We loved and raised you!" Your mother scoffed at you, 

"Love?! That's what you call love?! Training me never to speak unless spoken to, punishing me whenever I expressed myself!" Everything was finally bursting out of you and you were no longer able to control your feelings.

"I have no freedom! You've kept me in a cage my entire life!" Jisung's hand rested on the door as he waited to see if he should come in, he was impressed to hear that you were standing up for yourself. 

"You should be grateful that we even dealt with you for so long! you're ungrateful," The door opened and you stared at Jisung in fear that he had heard everything that was going on, 

"After everything we've done for you, this is how you show us you're grateful!" You said nothing in response to your mother but Jisung did, he began walking down the aisle and took you by the hand.

"Kids don't need to be grateful! They need to be loved and shown how to live in a world," Your father stepped forward to say something but Jisung slowly tucked you behind his body. 

"You have no idea what-"

"Don't raise your voice at me, Y/n and I are leaving." You frowned as Jisung began to walk you down towards the exit of the church, 

"Together?" You whispered just as confused as everyone else in the room seemed to be around you both,

"Blood is not thicker than peace of mind. Cut toxic family members out of your life," He wasn't speaking to everyone in the room he was speaking to you as he locked eyes with you, he could see how confused you were so he sent you a reassuring smile.

"I'm taking you away from them." He whispered as he began pulling you out of the church and into the parking lot, you didn't know where to start with the questions or if you ever wanted to question him. 

"Get in," He smiled opening the car door and glancing at you as he waited, the dress you were wearing was hiked up to your knees and you climbed inside, looking forward to whatever your life had planned for you with your new freedom. 

"Freedom looks good on you," Jisung chuckled as you laid on the beach, it had been months since your almost wedding and you'd never had to look back on your old family again. Jisung was your family now and he treated you better than anyone else in your life had before.

"It feels good on me too," You whispered turning to lay your head on his chest and look up at him, 

"You're happy, right?" You nodded at his question and he smiled again kissing your lips softly. The two of you began dating not long after leaving your family behind, he was happy to get to know the real you and you fell head over heels in love with one another from the moment you began running away together. He was taking you everywhere you'd ever wanted to go, looking after you the best that he could, making your life together the best it could possibly be.

Tagline: @taestannie​ @sw33tnight​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​ @minholuvs​ @anxiousbobatea​ 

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