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deanandthephantoms · 3 years

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We're a Perfect Harmony PT.3 - Reader x Charlie

This is Chapter 3 of my Perfect Harmony story. You can read Chapter 1 here and Chapter 2 here if you haven't yet. In this chapter we'll see what life after camp is like for y/n and Charlie.. Enjoy!

Missing you more than i should..

When I got home I was overwhelmed by the amount of silence in my home. I used to love being home, curling up on the couch watching a movie or reading a book in silence. I hated loud, crowded places and now I actually missed it? What happened to me? Who am I?! I thought to myself..

“Y/N is that you?” I heard my mom call out from the living room. “Hi mom!” i said while walking up to her and giving her a big hug. “How are you doing honey? How was it?” I hadn’t really spoken to my mom at all during the week, I had let her know once that I was doing alright and that was basically it. “It was incredible mom. I had the best group of people surrounding me..” and so I told her everything about my new group of friends and everything we had done during the week.. “Thanks for making me go mom.” “You’re glowing Y/N! I’m so happy you had such a good time. I honestly felt bad for making you go when I saw how nervous you were.” “yeah.. I kind of hated you for that.. but I guess sometimes mom really does know best.” After talking to my mom I decided to lay down for a bit all those late night chill sessions with Charlie and a night of not sleeping at all was really taking it’s toll, I don’t think I had ever been this tired before. I fell asleep with a smile on my face only to wake up the next freaking day at 10am. I slept for 15 hours I really had been tired.. I picked up my phone to see I was indeed added to the girls group chat, I was also in a chat with our entire camp group and Charlie had , like he promised, sent me a private text. Seeing that put a smile on my face. Now I know what you’re thinking.. but I really just liked him as a friend that’s all. I opened his message.

“Good morning Nugget! On a scale of 1 to 100% dead.. how tired are you?” I raised my eyebrow at the nugget part, no idea where that was coming from. Without hesitation I replied.. “ Hellllooooo! Nugget? What’s up with that? Very bold of you to assume that I was even tired to begin with by the way.. but to answer your question, I have slept for 15 hours.. that says something doesn’t it?” I was about to put my phone down assuming Charlie would take his sweet time to reply. But no. the 3 dots that told me he was typing appeared almost instantly and seconds later this popped up on my screen; “15 HOURS?! Really? Are you sure you weren’t dead and came back to life or something? I thought I was bad with my 12 hours.. I’m blaming you for the fact I’m so tired by the way.” He’s blaming me?! Excuse me? “Pardon? What? What did I do?!” “You kept me up till at least 3am every night only to be woken up again at 7am.. i’ve never been so tired coming home after camp. So yes I’m blaming you Nugget.” “The nugget again? Really? Anyway. I’m not sorry. You kept ME up actually. I’m blaming you Charlie.” “Yes Nugget. You mentioned once you like nuggets. I’m calling you nugget now. You can’t stop me. Oh and I’m not sorry either 😉” “Riiight. Don’t expect me to start calling you after one of your gross foods.. but all jokes aside, i’m glad you’re not sorry. I mean, all those late nights might be one of my favorite things of last week.” “Really? I genuinely thought I annoyed the shit out of you.” That text made me laugh. “Don’t get your hopes up Gillespie. You sure did. Apparently you’re just the type of guy who gets away with it.” I teased. “Ouch.. that hurt. :( “ is all I got as a reply. Which caused my brain to go in full panic mode, did I just really hurt my new friend? Oh god what if this ruined it all? As fast I could I sent him “I’m sorry! I’m just kidding! You know that right?! You didn’t annoy me at all dude, in fact you did the opposite you made me feel super chill and comfortable..” I stared at my screen for what felt like hours, in reality it was probably more like 5 minutes but I got no reply..

I sighed deciding to ignore my own stupid actions I got up from my bed and went downstairs making myself some breakfast. Sitting down at the table I actually found myself missing the man that had sat opposite of me the entire week. I was missing the man that made me feel sick with his strange food combinations. Missing the man that called me out for looking dead after 3 hours of sleep. Missing the man that annoyed me with how loud he was so early in the morning. Don’t get me wrong I missed the others as well they had all, in their own way, made that week a very good week for me. I had just connected with Charlie in a different way, he seemed to really get me, he understood where I was coming from. He had not once judged me, he made me come out of my comfort zone.. My phone buzzed on the table, my hand flew straight to it and picked it up only to see Charlie had replied. I felt my heart speed up and started feeling very nervous. Why was this happening? why was i scared for his reply? We had been teasing each other right from the start. This could not have been so bad that I ruined everything, right?!

With a deep sigh I opened our chat back up. “Y/N calm down. I know. I was just kidding too! Good to know I made you feel that way though. You do realize you did the same for me right? You made me feel better when I was feeling down. I really appreciate that.” I couldn’t help but let out a big sigh of relief. Thank god everything was alright. Why did I care so much? I had known this man for 8 days. Why was I already so afraid of ruining this friendship? “Charlie, I swear to god, you can never do that to me again! I thought I ruined it all..” I typed, but deleted. I didn’t want him to know a simple joke made me go into full panic mode, he’ll think I’m crazy.. so instead I went with “ha-ha, very funny Gillespie. And hey, cheering each other up, that’s what friends are for right? 😊” “Yeah definitely. You didn’t have to do that though, you barely knew me. Yet seemed to know me better than the people I’ve known for years. You noticed things others didn’t notice or they just decided to ignore it. You didn’t. You’re a good friend Nugget. I’m thankful for getting a chance to meet and know you.”

Reading that made me feel al warm and fuzzy inside I just sat there at the kitchen table with a dumb goofy smile on my face. That’s when my mom walked in. “What are you smiling about?” “ohhh nah it’s nothing.” I simply replied, hoping my mom would buy it. Too bad for me my mom knew me longer than today. “It’s a boy, isn’t it?” “Mom! I.. eeh.. no?.. I mean.. well technically.. Yes. But no. Charlie is just a friend mom.” And I truly believed I felt that way, my mom clearly didn’t though ..”oh alright, well we’ll see.” She replied. Before leaving me once again to get back to her office. I directed my attention back to the screen “You’re a good friend too Charlie. I’m thankful my mom made me go to camp. Thankful I now can call a few amazing people my new friends. I really miss you guys. Is that weird?” “Thank your mom from me for making you go! 😉 And no, that’s not weird. We all feel that way after camp. Don’t worry the feeling will vanish over time and we’ll keep in touch through texts and facetime!” “Facetime huh? Why don’t we facetime later, you can thank my mom yourself haha!” i texted half jokingly but Charlie seemed to think it was a good idea. We kept sending text to each other the rest of day and I noticed I was looking forward to seeing his face again. I missed his bright smile, his facial expressions that said everything for me. His eyes that showed he was fully invested in whatever you’re telling him. I missed his hugs. They really were the best hugs I had ever had. I sighed at the thought of having to miss those for a whole year.. Can’t exactly hug through facetime, can you?

Later that night Charlie called me on facetime, accepting his call I saw his bright smile pop up on my screen. “Nuggeeettt!” he screamed at me sounding all excited. I couldn’t help but instantly feel happy and laugh at him. I refused to get used to that nickname but also decided not to fight him on it tonight. “Gillespieeeeeeee!” I just screamed back at him earning a big smile in return. “Soo, first things first, get me to your mom, I need to thank her.” “Your wish is my command sir!” I reply as I get up from my bed to find my mom. I find her in the livingroom on the couch. “Hey mom, Charlie wants to tell you something” I say while handing her the phone. “Hello Mrs.Y/L/N!” “Ah, so you’re Charlie! I’ve already heard quite a bit about you.” If looks could kill I would have killed my own mom right then and there.. “Yes.. that would be me. I just wanted to thank you for sending your daughter to camp. She has been a good friend to all of us.” My mom laughed “You’re welcome dear. Thank you for doing the same to her” My mom then handed me my phone back. Giving her one last glare I make my way back to my bedroom. “Sorry about that..” I say to Charlie while walking upstairs. “Sorry for what? Your mom seems lovely. No need to be sorry.” Thankful for the fact he apparently did not pick up on the whole ‘heard quite a bit about you.’ I let out big breath I apparently had been holding in.

I sat back down on my bed and luckily for me Charlie had grabbed his guitar “so. How about we continue our little tradition of singing? Name a song and we’ll sing it.” He said with the biggest smile. I was just glad I did not have to explain why I apologized and quickly started thinkin of a song. “Do you know High hopes by Kodaline? It’s not the happiest song, but it’s sooo good!” “I’m kind of offended by the fact you’re even asking me if I know it.. It’s actually one of the first songs I learned to play on this guitar.” And before I could apologize for offending him I heard the first chords of High hopes being played. As if we were still on camp we sang a few songs, granted it didn’t go as smooth thanks to delay in the video and such but still it was nice. After a few songs I heard my mom come up and calling out a good night. “Char.. I think I’m gonna have to go. My mom is going to bed so you know I gotta be quiet now…” “Nooo! don’t hang up just yet. We can still just talk for a bit right?” I was caught of guard by his plea for me to stay. “I, eh. Yeah. Yeah we can. Of course we can. Give me a second though. I’m gonna change into my PJ’s.” and with that I threw my phone on the bed, grabbing my oversized Rush t-shirt that basically functioned as a sleeping dress. “Nice ceiling you’ve got there nugget.” I heard Charlie call out. Giving him a chuckle as response. Once I changed into my PJ’s I picked my phone up and brought Charlie with me to the bathroom. “Loving the house tour Y/N, where are we going now?” “To the bathroom. I need to brush my teeth.” “oh right let me go do the same!” and he sprinted of with me to his own bathroom. About a minute later we were brushing our teeth together. causing us both to giggle at each others charming facial expressions.

After I was done I went back to my bedroom and crawled into bed making myself comfortable. “sooo I assume you don’t want to be here when I go pee right?” “Eeew Charles! No. Either hang up the phone or put me somewhere far away!” He laughed at me “Yeah thought so. I’m not hanging up so let me just put you down on my bed.” “ Oof.. That also sounds a bit strange sir.. But sure. You do that.” “kinda does, doesn’t it?” he laughed “Okay, I’ll be back, don’t go anywhere.” And with that I was staring at Charlie’s ceiling waiting for him to come back.. which he did incredibly quickly.

Crawling into his own bed he picked me up only to instantly put me back down again."You actually waited for me!" He said while I could see him taking off his shirt nothing I had not seen before but still a sight I sure was not mad about. “of course i waited, why would i leave without saying goodbye?” i reply before Charlie fell back down on the bed and picked me back up, trying to get comfortable he was tossing and turning a bit. “You alright there, Charlie?” I said half teasingly. “Yeah, quite comfortable actually. You? I really like your shirt by the way.” Why did I feel myself starting to blush? Acting as if nothing was happening to me I replied in my chillest and coolest way; “Yeah I’m alright. Very comfortable as well actually. Nothing beats sleeping in your own bed right?” “I don’t know about that nugget, I could think of a thing or two I totally would pick over sleeping in my own bed.” “Really like what?” When I see a mischievous smile appear on his face i’m suddenly scared of the answer I’m about to get. “Oh you know..” He falls silent with that same damn smile on his face. When I raise an eyebrow at him he continues; . “You know, Sleeping in a tent at festivals, or just camping with some friends in a beautiful piece of nature or something.” i let out a sigh of relief “oh righttt. Yeah i’m fully on board with all of that.”

Charlie and I talked for another hour while we we’re both laying in our beds. At some point I felt my eyes getting heavier and heavier, and I kept fighting it as hard as I could. I was enjoying this conversation way too much for me to go to sleep now. I totally believed I was hiding it from Charlie as well. I clearly didn’t though..“Hey Y/N?” “Mhhmm?” “You’re about to fall asleep aren’t you?” I’m silent for a while now really almost falling asleep. “Goodnight nugget.” I suddenly hear Charlie say softly. That wakes me back up a bit. “NO!” I clear my throat before continuing “I mean.. no I’m not tired..” “Oh really you’re not tired huh?” Charlie starts to imitate the way I had been acting and reacting the last 20 minutes. “okay okay Fine. Stop it Gillespie. You win, Nighty night Charles.” “night night Y/N. Talk to you again tomo.. well in a few hours,” He gives me one last sweet smile before I close my eyes and I hear Charlie hang up the phone right as I’m about to fall asleep.

Charlie and I kept in contact like that every single day. We didn’t start our day without wishing each other a good morning and refused to go to bed without wishing each other a goodnight and giving each other a virtual hug. During our schooldays we took every free second to text and we made sure to hype each other up when something important had to be done. Late nights were still being made but the few hours of sleep never seemed to bother me. I was basically running on 4 to 5 hours of sleep each day and was doing just fine. i didn’t even come close to feeling tired and was ready to do it all over again the next day. Months passed spending my time just like that..

I had been in contact with all of them on the regular and today i was actually meeting up with Madison who lived somewhat close to me. I was so excited to see her again. We had agreed to meet at a train station and that’s where I was now waiting for her to arrive. Y/N! I hear Madison yell out. I look in the direction the voice was coming from, I see Madison and run up to her to embrace her in a hug. "Madiiiiii! I missed you! How youu doing?" I let go of her and she laughs at me. "How you doin? Charlie, is that you? " Leaving no room for me to defend myself she continues "kidding, I'm great! How are youu giiirl?" while catching up on how life has been we walk to the restaurant where we had made lunch reservations.

“Sooo” Madison said once we were sat at our table. “ Soo.. what?” i asked the girl who was grinning at me. “ Sooo what’s up with you and Charlie?” i give her a confused look.”What do you mean? We’re friends, Mads. You already knew that though..” Madi laughs at me. “ Really Y/N? That’s all you’re giving me? I know you and Charlie have been talking pretty much non-stop..” I can feel the blood flowing to my cheeks when I say “Well yeah, yeah we have. And yes I have enjoyed every minute of that. But that doesn’t mean anything is going on between us. We just get along very well. Besides, he’s still with Emma so I’m sorry to disappoint you but we’re just friends..” Madi just looks at me for a while before a smile spreads on her face.” What?” I ask her. “ You like him.” She simply states with the biggest smile.” What?! Mads I just told you..” I blurt out a little too loud and a little too fast to actually be somewhat convincing.. causing Madison to laugh at me again. “ Girl you soooo do! “

By now I feel like I'm looking like a tomato, bright red, and i don’t even know why. I truly believed I liked Charlie as a friend, nothing more nothing less. Sure he was the sweetest man i had ever met and sure he believed in me like no one had ever done. and yes we had this incredible connection and were on the same wavelength on so many topics. Yes he got me, yes I felt safe enough to fully be myself and fully be honest with him about everything. aaaand yes he was goood looking. But i didn’t like him like that. I Couldn’t. He was with Emma. Me and him were just friends. I would not let myself get a crush on this guy. It would ruin everything. “ Look Mads. I’m not gonna lie. I do miss hanging out with him in real life and Charlie does make me very happy. But i don’t like him like that. He’s just a good friend to me.” Madison clearly was not convinced.”Sure, keep telling yourself that Y/N.”

And I did. In the following weeks I kept telling myself I didn't like him. I just missed him that was all. The more I talked to Charlie and the more the girls teased me about liking him the less I started to believe my own excuses. Untill the day i couldn’t deny it any longer. I totally liked Charlie more than a friend..

- read chapter 4 here

#Charlie gillespie #made by me #written by me #my story #reader #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #Julie and the phantoms #jatp #reader x charlie #charlie x reader #Y/N #Charlie x Y/n #Perfect harmony #Charlie gillespie fic #charlie gillespie story #jatp story #jatp fic

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wayhavenots · 3 years

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So don’t you fret for your baby sister now

I wanted to write a fluffy Mind Blind fic, but this was the only idea I could write. ...Sorry in advance!

Title taken from Sunday Shoes by Lady Lamb.

TW: Death of a major character (Nick)

Synopsis: Nick opts to be taken off of life support when it looks like he will not recover. He needs Daphne’s help to say goodbye. (Some Gray x Button but it’s really not the focus here.) (Major angst! I cried like three times while writing this.)

Word count: 1312 words

You don't have to do this if you don't want to, Button.

Daphne Wiseman flicks the zipper on her jacket. I know, she thinks back.

She knows, and she doesn't want to, but her body walks them into the hospital room anyway. It pulls up a chair next to the body of her comatose brother, who is breathing steadily through a ventilator. It sits and it looks.

Funny, how a body and a mind can be so at odds, sometimes.

Funny. Haha. Like the time her body almost killed her brother.

Correction: Like the time her body did kill her brother. Because it didn't matter that Vengeance had been brought to justice. Justice wasn't coming back.

Nick's body stopped breathing shortly after the epic takedown of Vengeance. He disappeared from her mind for the most terrifying half-hour of Daphne's life. (That included the twenty-seven minutes that her mother took her body for a test-drive. And the thirty-two it took for Nick to delete an embarrassing message that a love-sick and slightly drunk nineteen-year-old Daphne had left in Grayson Black's voicemail box.)

Guess they fixed me in the nick of time, he remarked when he came back, when he and Daphne both heard the doctor say that there had been an unexpected development.

C'mon, Body, stop kidney-ing around, he said a few days later, upon the revelation that his kidney function had decreased.

Hey, I can beat this, he said a few weeks later, in regards to the unstable rhythm of his heart. Get it, Button?

And then after some more weeks, so, so softly that Daphne almost didn't hear him over the sound of her own thoughts mixing with the doctors' words (”...brain could eventually shut down...” that's just what happens when you're trapped in my head in Rosy's classroom eh Nick “...you'll need to make a decision, or rather, he’ll need to make a decision if he wants to proceed with organ donation...” if it’s anything like your Halloween costume decisions then I think we should crowdsource this one...)---

Shit.

John and Hope drive down from Milwaukee to say goodbye. To Nick, whose body will soon stop and whose mind will go with it. And to Daphne, whose head will soon be unprotected from those who can do her harm, intentionally or not.

And that’s why they have to leave, hours before the doctors are scheduled to power down the machines. Because they couldn’t bear it if something were to happen to Daphne, too.

But she isn’t scared of what her mother could do to her. Not anymore. What could she possibly do to her that is worse than being used to kill her brother?

She doesn’t say that. She doesn’t say anything, except for the words that Nick wants her to relay---about how much he loves them, about how he couldn’t have asked for better parents, et cetera, et cetera.

Her mouth forms the words, repeating after Nick, but her mind is elsewhere. Her mind is focused on the heart monitor’s steady rhythm, the fluid dripping from an IV into her brother’s veins, a chip in the paint on the wall, the zipper of her jacket. Zip up, zip down, now you see me, now you don’t. The sound is soothing over her voice, which is shaky and unsteady---not a good representative for calm and confident Nick at all.

She barely remembers being gathered into the last ever Wiseman family hug. Or watching the door shut behind them.

How are you feeling, Button?

As if he doesn’t know.

(Maybe he doesn’t. She’s not sure, either.)

Hungry.

It’s the funniest answer she can think of, until she remembers that she will never have a meal as good as one cooked by Nick.

In the long string of goodbyes, a long list of friends and relatives and exes that Daphne never knew, the last is Gray. He bumps a chair on his way in and apologizes to it, which makes Daphne smile for a moment, without realizing it. And then he places the chair across from hers, sits down, knees almost but not quite touching hers.

His eyes are red, she notices. She wants to hug him.

Why not? I think he’d like that.

She tries to suppress the thought, but can’t: she killed his best friend.

Nobody is blaming you for that, says Nick firmly. Button, tell me you understand that this isn’t your fault.

“How are you holding up?” asks Gray softly, unaware of the conversation happening inside her head.

“Me?” she laughs, pointedly ignoring Nick’s request. She holds up a coffee cup, on the outside of which is written Resilience. Her honorary callsign, ever since she and the others brought down Vengeance, and the name the barista insisted on writing on the cup. “I’m held together by caffeine and denial.”

He grimaces, moves his hand as if to take hers, then stops.

Nick groans loudly in her head. This, he says, this is what’s going to kill me.

“And...how is...?” Gray looks between the still body in the bed, and a point in the center of Daphne’s forehead. “How does this...work, exactly?”

“Just pretend that I’m not here,” she says softly. “I’m just translating.”

And she does, her own mind floating through space as she repeats Nick’s words without thinking. Eyes on Gray’s worn shoes, then back to her zipper, and then she is absorbed with ripping up the paper coffee cup, until she can no longer read the name on the front.

“Take care of yourself,” she is saying, “and take care of---”

She stops. She has to draw a line somewhere. I’m not saying that.

It’s my dying wish, Button. Please.

“...and take care of my sister.”

Dr. Amari knocks on the door gently, and Daphne’s mind---hiding in the corners of the hospital room---comes rushing back to her. For the first time in months, she feels the weight of her body, the effort to inhale oxygen into her lungs, tears rushing to her eyes without her express permission.

No, no, no, it can’t be time yet.

“I guess it’s my turn,” she chokes out to Gray.

Without another word, his arms wrap around her small frame, wishing her good luck. Or maybe it is a final hug for Nick.

Two for the price of one, he quips, though he sounds scared. Am not, he adds to her observation.

Gray finally lets go, but he doesn’t leave. Together, they watch as the last of the devices keeping Nick’s body alive are removed. Daphne sits to take her brother’s hand in hers.

It’s okay to be scared, she thinks to him. It’s okay, Nick. You don’t have to be good magnanimous big brother right now. You can be scared.

Promise me you won’t blame yourself for this forever. His tone is positively panicked now. I can’t leave if you’re not going to be okay.

Joke’s on them both: It’s too late to change his mind, and she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be okay.

I’ll try, she manages. Really, I will. You can go, Saint Nick. I’ll be okay.

The rest of his words come out in a rush, as the heart monitor shuts off, each syllable softer than the last. I’m so proud of you, Button...Give Rosy hell from me...I love you...Don’t let Gray starve...You’re gonna put us all to shame at Aeon...If you and Gray have kids, name one after their Uncle Nick...I love you, Button...

I love you, Saint Nick.

Gray gathers her in his arms again when she starts sobbing. Tears flow down his own cheeks as he holds her tight against him, the room silent except for the sound of her muffled sobs against his T-shirt.

And then she is yelling, so loudly he nearly jumps at the volume of it---

...oh God, oh God, it’s okay, it’s okay, don’t leave, don’t leave, don’t leave...

Gray’s heart sinks at the realization: it is her voice in his head.

But he doesn’t leave.

#mind blind #SORRY #nick wiseman #grayson black #gray x button #tw: death #mind blind spoilers #(if you haven't read the demo i guess lol)

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killerhatcanons · 4 years

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Could u do a childhood friends hc with Trapper, The Shape and Ghostface?? 🥺🥺

Of course my friend! uwu

So we can imagine most of Michael‘s and Trapper‘s childhoods but I don’t think Danny has much of a background lore going as far soo I‘d personally also put him into a difficult household (even though I wish it were different) I also think I’ll put this one into a text form

TW: idek what to tag this with but I’m guessing abuse/domestic violence

The Trapper (Evan MacMillan)

Evan had always in a way idolized his father and his father had never deemed anyone worthy to get close to his son. Needless to say Evan didn’t have many friends at all when he was young. The other children were scared of his father and the stories their parents had told them about the MacMillan family. They were gruesome, as much as a parent would allow their child to hear but enough to ensure they would never want to get close to the MacMillan child.

You had always thought it was unfair. It wasn’t Evan’s fault that his dad was mean and you didn’t want him to sit alone over something he wasn’t responsible for. So you approached him and you kept approaching him even as he tried to push you away. He knew about the stories and he himself knew very well that his father wasn’t the kindest person. Time and time again had his father hit him for not following his orders, had thrown away his sketches and sent him to bed on an empty stomach as a punishment. He understood why others feared his father and he didn’t blame them. Even though he loved his father, he also despised him. He knew no one but him would endure his father’s punishments so when the tiny you approached him he tried his best to push you away. You were far too fragile, you couldn’t get close to him or his father.

But you didn’t care. No matter how many times he rudely sent you away you always returned. And as time passed he felt himself slowly growing fond of you. You were nice to him, the only person that made him feel warm and he didn’t want you to leave him anymore. He wanted to keep your kindness, to keep the warmth you made him feel through the utter coldness he was accustomed to. So he allowed you to stay if only for a while which soon became longer and longer.

You played together in elementary school and he would protect you from anyone that even attempted to bully you. Or ask you out for that matter. He soon had to realize that he grew more and more possessive of you, that he didn’t want anyone to take you away from him. You had been with him since the beginning, had shown him kindness and understanding, had been there for him and took care of the bruises his father kept giving him. As cheesy as this sounded you had been his sun all along, naturally and selflessly giving him warmth without ever being asked to. His one and only friend.

Shit I might need to turn this into a fiction maybe? haha we’ll see

The Shape (Michael Meyers)

Michael had always been the silent child in your kindergarten group. First everyone thought he was just a little shy but you soon realized that he simply refused to speak. Of course your teacher tried to convince him to talk, even had a meeting with his parents but they assured that he learned speaking, however at one point simply stopped any form of communication. To the adults he was a hopeless case. They tried desparately to change him, but he wouldn’t budge.

To you he was a welcome friend. You didn’t mind his silence, you knew he was listening to you and you could still play together. Well, it was mostly you telling him what to do with the toys, because he himself wouldn’t do anything besides holding them in his hand, but that wasn’t much of an issue to you.

Of course you tried to get him to play with your other friends too, but his lack of enthusiasm often got in the way and the other kids got scared of his silent and emotionless behavior. However, even when they told you to, you refused to stop playing with Michael. Yes, he was a little odd, but that didn’t make him a bad child (killing his sister later lowkey did tho oop) so you didn’t want him to be alone. Everyone needs some company, right?

Over time you noticed, that he would remember what you had told him to do with the toys, instead of simply holding them, to which you would give him a big smile.

This improvement you saw in his behavior made you even sadder when one day he stopped coming to the kindergarten. At first you had thought he was sick, but weeks went on without a single trace of him or his parents.

Upon asking you own they had told you he was sent to another kindergarten instead, that was specialized on children like him. You were sad of course, but you accepted it, hoping he would find more friends to play with now.

You only later found out he was sent to an asylum instead of another kindergarten.

The Ghostface (Danny Johnson)

Danny Johnson did not have the nicest childhood imaginable. After her divorce his mother didn’t become directly abusive to him, more so the alcohol.

He liked to think that the slurring woman bruising him wasn’t his mother, that it was simply someone else, someone more aggressive trying to be her. He didn’t want to think his mother hated him, he didn’t want to believe she would bruise him, would shout at him and blame him for what had happened to her marriage.

Even as a young boy he knew to cover his bruises. He loved his mother, he didn’t want her to be alone even though the woman the alcohol brought out of her hurt him in every way possible. But it was his fault right? His dad didn’t want him so he left him and his mother. He was responsible and the least he thought he could do was let her let out her pain on the person responsible for her misery.

In school he didn’t talk much to anyone. He was a rather shy kid, not wanting to cause anymore trouble for anyone. At lunch he sat alone, but he didn’t mind. He also didn’t mind being called weird or gross for his greasy long hair or the bags under his eyes. Not that he wanted to talk to anyone about himself anyways. Not even to you as you approached him.

You had watched him sit alone for a long time. He looked sad, restless, sometimes even scared and despite not even knowing him, it hurt you to see anyone in this state. So you went to talk to him. However, it took a while for him to stop avoiding you as best as he could and he eventually opened up to you a bit. He still didn’t tell you about the abuse until you reached middle school, but when he did you were determined to help him, to clear his understanding of him not being responsible for anything and to get him a new home.

With the help of your parents you were able to get him out of his household and soon find a acquainted family that was willing to take him in. The Olsens tried their best to provide him with everything he needed. And while you knew it would take time for him to heal, you were relieved he was part of a loving family now, that would help him back onto a safe track.

You couldn’t have known that the damage to Danny’s brain had already been done and there was no way of saving him from the twisted prison of his own mind.

OOK THESE ARE WAY DARKER THAN YOU PROBABLY WANTED BUT I OOP GOT CARRIED AWAY

I can attempt to make it more wholesome a second time if you want these were just the most logical things that came to my mind haha... honestly idk but I usually think that someone isn’t just yk born a killer (except Michael maybe pfft) so I came up with some uhm logical upbringings to the boys haha yeet..

Anyways I’m considering turning the Evan and Ghosty one into their own separate story thingsies. Kinda hard to do something with Michael bc uhm Psychiatry but possibly something with a reader that’s also in treatment or we pull a Harley Quinn sometime who knows!

For now I hope you aren’t too mad that this was so... dark instead of cute oop >:)) if you’re mad just let me die on the hook next time pffft

#evan macmillan #evan macmillan x reader #the shape #the shape x reader #the trapper #the trapper x reader #trapper #trapper x reader #michael meyers #michael meyers x reader #danny johnson #danny johnson dbd #danny johnson x reader #dbd killers #dbd #dbd headcanons #the ghostface #the ghostface x reader #pre-entity

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writingsfromstarfleet · 4 years

Text

A Problem Shared - Julian Bashir X Reader

A/N: To the lovely Anon who asked for this, I thank you, I adore writing for this lil doctor, he’s definitely one of my favourites, it’s any excuse at this point, haha! I sincerely hope you, and everyone else, enjoys! :)x

TW: Mentions of bad mental health, if this makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip this one!

Travelling space, seeing the stars, discovering new worlds. All of this to anyone would seem like a dream. And it was, it truly was. Never had you felt more grateful to have the opportunity to study and work in space. Seeking out new planets, carrying out new experiments; it was all in a days work for you, and you couldn't be happier.

Though, while it was truly a blessing to say that this was your job, there were days and weeks where the whole galaxy seemed like it was falling apart.

For years, you had struggled with some issues pertaining to mental health, and it took its toll on you more often than not. Before you enrolled in Starfleet, you had gone through many rough patches, and many unpleasant experiences. The results were lasting, and the damage never seemed to cease. You joined Starfleet, an attempt originally at distracting yourself from your problems, and fell in love with it. After being assigned to Deep Space Nine, you vowed that you would no longer let your internal issues affect you in ways that meant you couldn't do your job.

You'd been on the station for just under a year, and had met and worked with the best set of people this side of the universe. Every single one of them were friends to you, genuine and true friends. Some you were closer to than others, but every one of them meant the world to you. The doctor, Julian Bashir, was one such person who you connected with.

Originally, you found him to be very full on, very facetious. Alas, you realised quickly that you were more or less one in the same. You shared the same interests, had the same sense of humour, and the same palette when it came to food. Slowly but surely, the bond strengthened and before you knew it, you were walking round calling Julian your boyfriend.

That made your situation all the more awkward, and you felt guilty. In the recent days, you hadn't been feeling yourself, and you knew that it was another bad phase that was oncoming, one you had promised yourself you would let in no more. Still, it came. You became quiet, almost avoidant of your peers, which caused them to grow concerned. Not only that, you pushed Julian away, too, spending less time than normal with him. Your friends turned to the good doctor for answers, and were just as shocked to find he had none as he was that you had been avoiding everyone.

Julian didn't understand; you had always been such a happy and free spirit. It was very rare he would ever see you sad, though when he did it was usually a nightmare, or a past memory, or even a bad away mission. All things he helped fix with a good cuddle and words of reassurance. Though, this time, he felt there was something more underneath, he didn't need to be a doctor to see it. This wasn't an ordinary sad spell, and you'd be a fool to try and hide it from him.

All day you sat in your quarters, tears rolling free and fast. You were exhausted, however you weren't sure if it was from the lack of sleep, food, or the amount of crying you had done. Dragging yourself up, you traipsed over to the replicator and grabbed a glass of water and a bagel. Unable to force yourself to eat, you instead sipped on the water, standing against the wall and staring into space, as it were.

The ringing of your door took you out of the trance you were in, and you just stared at it. You couldn't say you were certain who it was, but you had a feeling it was Julian. And if you were honest with yourself, the last thing you needed was a lecture. Feeling bad for even keeping your issues from him, though, your heart decided it was probably best to open the door. Your brain said otherwise, and kept you stood on the spot instead.

"Please, Y/N, don't make me use the override." Hearing his voice sent a rush of calm through you, even in your drained state, and you picked up on the exasperation of his tone. He was stressed. You remembered when he had told you that he wouldn't ever use the override code on your door unless it was absolutely necessary; he saw it as invasion of your privacy. But, even if he did, you couldn't blame him, knowing he must be worried sick.

Silence fell again and the door still hadn't opened. Figuring he had left, you took yourself to your be and wrapped yourself entirely in your blankets, feeling the warmth as somewhat of a comfort. You were between sleep and consciousness, and the sound of the door opening this time caught your attention. You laid still.

"Y/N..." the familiar voice spoke in almost a whisper, and you were met with Julian's concerned face as he knelt before you. You stayed lay down, cocooned within your blanket, and he reached out to run a hand through your hair, concern lacing his face. "What's wrong?"

You sniffed, having no answer. You truly didn't know, you had nothing to say. Your thoughts ran away with themselves, and you felt like you were slipping into past mindsets, something that scared you.

Julian looked down, almost as though he was going to cry himself, and even in your current state, it broke your heart to see. He cared so much, and you still hadn't told him anything.

"Julian," you began, reaching a hand out of the blanket to cup his face. "Come here." It wasn't so much of a statement as a question, your voice hesitant and low. He looked at you with shimmering eyes, and you lifted the blanket up. Julian realised, and climbed in beside you, immediately encasing you in his arms. You buried your head into his chest, arms resting around his middle, and cried. You cried out everything you had left, every single thought and feeling you had running round, and he let you.

Julian knew you needed this, and he lay with you without question. Feeling your crying had ceased, he spoke ever so gently so as not to startle you.

"Y/N-" he began, but you looked up at him and cut him off, not impolitely.

"I should have told you a long time ago," you started, shifting so that Julian could hear your words. "I've struggled with mental health issues for almost ten years now, and I've had a troubled past. Every now and then, it get's bad, really bad. Some days, I can't even leave my bed, some days I can. It hasn't been this bad in over three years, and I got scared, which is why I shut myself off from everyone. I- I panicked, Juli, I didn't know what to do, I-"

You stopped as you felt your head twang in pain and you choked up. Having no tears left to cry, you laid your forehead on his chest again. He stroked the back of your head, running his hand through your hair once more.

"Y/N, listen to me. This, isn't an issue. This isn't something you ever have to deal with alone, it's not a nice experience. You have a great support unit around you, everyone was asking about you and if you were well, you know? They all care. And so do I, as well you know. This breaks my heart to see, the fact that you thought you had to go through this alone. You aren't ever alone."

"I know, but I just didn't want to push my issues on anyone else. I vowed to myself that when I finished at the academy, I wouldn't ever allow these kinds of mindsets to ruin my work ethic, and I guess that didn't work out well, did it?"

Your dry humour made him chuckle; he marvelled at how you handled situations with humour, even when the circumstances were dire.

"You are far too proud, Y/N, you astound me," he chuckled slightly, before returning to his previous seriousness. "In all honesty, you needn't ever have to worry about talking to me with things like this. Not only am I a doctor who's trained to deal with this, I'm your boyfriend, and I love you far too much to let you just suffer. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you com to me? I could have given you a prescription.."

"I- really, I don't know. I just panicked, I never wanted these feelings, these thoughts, to ever come back, and when they did, I didn't know how to react, I'm sorry, Julian."

He wrapped his arms around you again, burying his head into your hair. Kissing the top of your head, he spoke once more, the same softness his voice always carried with you.

"Never apologise, I understand. We are going to work through it, and we are going to be alright. I'll prescribe you something to help in the morning, alright? You have to promise me that this is the last time you struggle alone. Don't hesitate to call on me if you need me, it's why I'm here. I can't stand the thought of you keeping this battle to yourself. We'll win together, we'll get through it. Promise me?"

You managed a smile up at him, your mood already somewhat lifted.

"I promise, thank you, Julian. Somehow, you've always got the right thing to say."

"Anything for the person I love the most. You are never a burden, remember that. A problem shared is a problem halved."

You stayed like that for the night, cuddled into Julian's side as he told you stories of his past ventures to take your mind off things. It worked, and you couldn't have been more thankful. You promised yourself things once again, but this time, you had told yourself you weren't ever going to keep things from Julian. You couldn't break his heart like that.

"I love you, Julian." Your voice was heavy with tiredness, and you felt him smile into your hair.

"And I you, Y/N. I always have, and always will."

You slept that night in content, knowing that any battle you faced was won with Julian by your side. He was your rock, and with him, you were safe.

#tw: mental health #tw: depression #star trek #star trek imagine #star trek x reader #star trek deep space nine #star trek ds9 #deep space nine #ds9 #julian bashir #julian bashir imagine #julian bashir x reader #x reader #imagine

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rivalsforlife · 4 years

Note

one more ahaha but the cherry blossom scene at the end of catch up game ch 3 because i'm still thinking nonstop about it all the time 👀👉👈

ABSOLUTELY I CAN also for anyone reading this go look at Mika’s art which inspired this scene. It’s the tumblr version so you can reblog it too, which you should do, even if you don’t read my long rambling,

okay once again rambling below...

Traditionally, Larry Butz arrived at any social gathering anywhere from half an hour to three hours later than the time he was told, so all things considered, he was actually early. Phoenix wasted no time informing him of the latest betrayal among their small elementary school friend group.

this is a direct callout to one of my friends from high school, where we started seriously considering telling her that any social event we were planning started an hour earlier than it actually did so that she’d make it there on time. We never did in case this turned out to be the time she actually made it on time, but still.

“Larry, remember that one time we were trying to make that gigantic hopscotch game, and we ran out of chalk?” He pointed an accusatory finger at Edgeworth, who sighed. “It turns out, Edgeworth hid it all along!”

Larry blinked, then shrugged. “Oh yeah, right, that. Well, I kind of had an idea…”

“Wh — You hid this from me too?! D-Death! The death penalty for the both of you!”

“Why does this all sound so familiar,” Edgeworth commented under his breath.

I think this part is mostly there so Larry actually does something because I couldn’t find any real way to fit him into this fic...? Anyways the dialogue there with Phoenix threatening the death penalty on Miles and Larry is pretty much directly lifted from the end of Turnabout Goodbyes, which is why Miles comments on it sounding familiar.

They continued on in that vein for some time, dredging up old elementary school memories. Phoenix proclaimed to be the only innocent member of that group, before Edgeworth brought up a set of very nice gel pens Phoenix reportedly stole from him. Phoenix and Edgeworth got caught up in their argument, and barely even noticed when Larry wandered away, joining Maggey and Gumshoe at the fishing pond while Franziska critiqued them.

This sort of familiar banter was normal. As Edgeworth teased in that same way he had ever since Phoenix first faced him in court, he had to wonder if he’d just imagined the way Edgeworth had been looking at him during the party. Maybe everything was fine, after all.

Not pictured: Phoenix and Miles leaning in closer to each other as they argue. too close. Larry tries to comment but neither of them hear him. Eventually he just walks away because he’s sick of third-wheeling with these two. It’s my firm belief that if there weren’t the court benches in the way that they need to slam, these two would slowly walk closer and closer to each other as they argue because they. uh. want to “intimidate” each other. that’s why they’re nose to nose like that. the whole courtroom is suddenly very uncomfortable.

Haha anyways also I think these two would pick the dumbest things to argue about all the time? Never seriously arguing, the just like bickering because they don’t know how to hold conversations about their feelings.

“You still haven’t explained exactly what happened to my gel pen set,” Edgeworth accused, as they circled around the argument for the third time.

Phoenix threw his hands up in the air. “I just forgot to return it! I didn’t know you were so bothered by it. You should have brought it up!”

“Back then? You were so sensitive. If I brought up that you might have upset me in the least, you would have burst into tears.”

“I wasn’t that sensitive.”

Edgeworth sighed. “Wright, you cried when I got a question wrong on a spelling test, because you thought I would be sad about it.”

“And you were!” Phoenix retorted. “You cried for like an hour!”

“Because when you started crying, I thought it was something I had to be ashamed of!”

More bickering, pretty much! Also I do think Phoenix cried A Lot and was super sensitive up until the whole Dahlia trial which traumatized him pretty badly...

Anyways the REAL story behind this incident which I am making up just now is probably that Miles was on the verge of crying because of Getting Something Wrong -- which I totally get, I absolutely almost cried over spelling tests as a baby -- and Phoenix picked up on this and realized his best friend was sad and started crying, which made Miles start to fully cry, and it just became a mess.

Meanwhile Larry with the 3/10 on his spelling test was just like “I don’t get what you guys are so upset about a 9/10 is great” which just makes them cry even more.

(Then Gregory probably found out about this incident and sat Miles down and gave him a speech about “everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay to not be perfect all the time, this is a learning opportunity and it shows you what you need to work on!”

That sentiment didn’t last very long.)

Wow I’m getting off topic, moving on --

Phoenix crossed his arms. “I remember this whole thing very differently than you do. You cried first.”

“I never cried in fourth grade.”

Phoenix leaned in and whispered into his ear, “Origami.”

“Do not bring that up!” Edgeworth hissed as Phoenix reared back, laughing.

I don’t know if you need to lean in super close and whisper that in his ear though Phoenix, that might be a bit unnecessary. Miles got lucky here in that his Eternal Shame over not being able to fold an origami crane in fourth grade overrode whatever reaction he undoubtedly would have had about Phoenix’s face being very close to his face.

Anyways this banter is here in the fic mostly because I really wanted to show them being all comfortable and happy with each other. That was a major thing I wanted to push as much as possible in these earlier chapters, that they do care about each other a lot even before we enter the more outright romantic territory.

“Regardless, I am certain you took my gel pen set, so don’t try to blame faulty memory on that one. I bet you carelessly used them all up, didn’t you?”

“Hardly! I wouldn’t even touch it after you left. It reminded me of you.”

Some of the fight left Edgeworth’s stance. “Really?”

“Well… yeah.” He wasn’t sure why the admission suddenly felt like a confession of an entirely different sort.

aw man Phoenix you brought feelings into your banter NOW what are you going to do.

I’m preeetty sure I have books that I lent to my friends in fourth grade that they never gave back so it’s of course not an inherently romantic thing, they probably just forgot it was mine and obviously aren’t going to bring it back now ten years later, but for Phoenix in this case it was probably more like “I borrowed these gel pens from Miles and then keep forgetting to give them back but was going to after winter break, and then he left, so I need to hold onto them until he comes back”. Miles was taken from his life so suddenly it probably had a huge effect on him, especially since he had few friends at the time and Miles made such a big impact on him.

The two of them sat underneath the tree in a sudden, serene quiet. They’d both discarded their suit jackets at some point, down to their dress shirts and waistcoats. Phoenix pretended not to notice the way Edgeworth’s eyes darted across the line of his shoulders and lingered longer than they should have.

I don’t ever really pay much attention to what people are wearing or what they look like at any particular time when I’m writing, but in this case I took extra care to make sure they were in the same outfits as in the art that inspired this!

Maybe I’ll ramble a bit more about that! Pretty much the “theme” of narumitsu week this year was “cherry blossoms”, so I wanted to find some way to incorporate them into this fic somewhere somehow. I decided to have that as a focus on Free Day because I enjoy having structure and wasn’t sure what to have for the day.

Some of this scene, mainly the picnic, is inspired by that one official art here. The first iteration of this chapter had everyone in it (with the obvious exceptions of Diego and Mia) but then I took out Maya and Pearl for reasons I explained when I was talking about the scene in chapter 6 where I decided to cut a lot of Maya’s scenes out of this fic... even though I love her a lot.

And of course when I thought about cherry blossoms and narumitsu I thought about Mika’s art, yes I am linking it again, which I believe she posted about a month or so before I started planning and I was Thinking About It Constantly. It’s gorgeous and since there was the perfect opportunity to use it here I just couldn’t resist and here we are.

Back to the paragraph: Miles attempted to subtly check Phoenix out. It was not subtle.

“Do you still have those gel pens?” Edgeworth asked, softer. “I think you owe me them, after everything.”

“Oh, shut up,” said Phoenix, but it was difficult to have a heated argument right now, for some unknown reason. “If I still have them, they’re in a box somewhere. Plus, they ought to have dried up by now.”

“I doubt it.” A faint smile was beginning to crawl on Edgeworth’s face. “Those gel pens were state of the art.”

“Sure they were,” Phoenix dismissed. “And, what, you’re going to use them? Sign your fancy prosecutor documents in bright pink?”

“What makes you think I don’t do that already?”

“You wouldn’t — oh, wait, of course you’d have customized ink in the same colour as your entire wardrobe, who am I even talking to…”

“Mhm.” Edgeworth brushed his bangs from his eyes, a motion that Phoenix’s brain decided to fixate on for some reason. “But really, you went to all the trouble of keeping the set, and you never used any of them?”

(Miles voice) “oh so you kept something as trivial as that for so long because they reminded you of me? Tell me more. Why do you want a reminder of me. What exactly do you think of me, Wright,”

hm pretty much as soon as Phoenix brought Feelings into this conversation the atmosphere kind of changed and you can now imagine Miles staring with the most adoring expression at Phoenix while Phoenix is ignoring this with such intensity that it doesn’t even show up in his narration. But he also watches the way Miles brushes his bangs from his eyes, so he’s not much better.

And thinking about it now this scene really went on for too long about gel pens hahaha...

“Objection!” Phoenix declared. “I used the blue one to write you letters at first.”

“Ah, of course you did. I never got any of those… How many did you send?”

“I don’t even want to know…”

Edgeworth hummed and looked off into the distance, where Gumshoe was demonstrating how to cast a line. “Your level of dedication is something else,” he said, as if to himself.

“Well, yeah. You were my only non-Larry friend. You were…” Phoenix swallowed. “You were important to me, you know? You saved me.”

“You keep bringing that up. You’ve more than returned the favor, you know that, don’t you?”

“I’m inclined to disagree.”

I don’t have a consistent headcanon about whether Miles got or read the letters, in this fic presumably von Karma intercepted them and got rid of them... and then presumably Miles ignored any that were sent to him as an adult.

Also these two are going to have ridiculous arguments about who saved who until they’re on their deathbeds, I’m sure.

Edgeworth turned back towards him as if to retort, but stopped halfway, his eyes widening slightly as he stared at Phoenix.

“... Something on my face?” Phoenix asked, trying to quell the feeling of some sort of anxiety that bubbled up when Edgeworth stared at him like that.

insert mikacherryblossomart.png

Miles turns away for one second and then suddenly oh no he’s even more gorgeous now

Edgeworth was silent for some time. Then, very softly, he said, “You have cherry blossom petals in your hair.”

“What? Do I?” He reached a hand up to brush them out, but Edgeworth stopped him by grabbing his wrist, freezing Phoenix.

“With your hair, you’ll never get them out like that.” With his spare hand, Edgeworth began to pick each individual petal from his hair. “You look so — silly, Wright.”

Partially a callback to the beginning of chapter 3, when they were kids:

“Y-Your hair,” Miles managed to say through stifled laughter. “One of the flowers fell into it.”

Phoenix hands shot up into his hair. “Really?”

“You look so silly, Phoenix.” When Phoenix failed to find the flower, Miles reached out. “Here, let me.”

Phoenix remained still as Miles reached up to the top of his head and picked the flower out of his hair. “Your hair’s really soft,” Miles said quietly, before handing it over to Phoenix. “Here you go.”

because Miles apparently remembered that it was difficult for Phoenix to get the petals from his hair the first time, and also, wanted an excuse to touch Phoenix’s hair again.

But also the dialogue and interactions are ONCE AGAIN INSPIRED BY MIKA based on this reply to my reply to the art on twitter. look at that you can go and retweet the art on twitter too!

Overall this gives us an accurate Thoughts to Speech translator for Miles:

Miles: You have cherry blossom petals in your hair and it is going to kill me.

Phoenix: What? Do I?

Miles: No, wait, don’t brush them out, I want to touch your hair because it is soft and this is the perfect excuse. You look so captivating.

if Miles had said that out loud though it would probably have killed both of them.

Phoenix let out an awkward, low laugh, starting somewhere deep within his chest. “R-Really.”

“Mhm.”

Edgeworth’s eyes locked with Phoenix’s, and time seemed to freeze. There was a sudden thrum of tension in the air, as if Phoenix were in a play and he’d suddenly forgotten his lines, forgotten he was supposed to be in a play at all.

(chanting) “kiss kiss kiSS KISS KISS --”

But before either of them could break the sudden spell over them, a fishing hook whirred through the air, and —

“Ack, I — I think I got it stuck!”

but of course that needs to be interrupted at the worst possible time because this is fanfiction and this is how things work!

“In the tree?! How did you even manage to get it that far?”

“Don’t worry about it, Maggey, I can climb up the tree and get it unstuck, just hang on —”

“No, no, if I just give it a big yank—”

“Maggey—!”

I broke the first rule of writing dialogue because I can’t really remember who’s supposed to be saying what. I think that Maya had a few lines here and then I didn’t change them since there were no dialogue tags...

Pretty much -- Maggey with her eternal luck tried to fish but released the line too early as she was swinging back so the line went back and got caught in the tree branches directly above Phoenix and Miles.

I think the dialogue progression goes Maggey -> Originally Maya but now either Larry or Franziska -> Gumshoe -> Maggey -> everyone going MAGGEY NO!!!

I remember going fishing with my grandpa once a long time ago and either I or my brother did get the fishing line stuck in a tree. would not recommend.

The branch above Phoenix and Edgeworth jostled, and pink petals burst all around them, fluttering down and catching in their hair and on their clothes. One petal even fell behind Edgeworth’s glasses.

They stared at each other for a moment, stunned, Edgeworth’s hand still loosely wrapped around Phoenix’s wrist, as Maggey shouted apologies from the distance.

There are no cherry blossom trees where I live so I have no idea if we’re even in the right season for this or if cherry blossom trees even behave this way - but I’m basing it off of... you know when it’s that point in fall where if you shake a tree branch leaves will just scatter everywhere? That.

Also RIP to the other four who were just having a grand old time fishing and then turn around seeing these two sitting really close to each other almost holding hands about two seconds away from a kiss... which they’d just interrupted...

And then — the most incredible thing happened, and Edgeworth began to laugh.

Phoenix could have catalogued all the laughs he heard from Edgeworth: the usual, short laughs often mistaken for a scoff by those who didn’t know him as well as Phoenix did; the triumphant, smug, courtroom laughs when he thought he had Phoenix cornered; to the quiet, restrained ones in private that were more of a hum than anything else. This laugh was new.

This was a full-on fit of laughter bubbling deep in his chest and spilling from his mouth, which Edgeworth quickly covered with his free hand, with the additional bonus of covering his reddening face. It wasn’t something hidden or faked or triumphant, it was genuine, and open, and Phoenix could swear it was one of the most beautiful sounds he ever heard.

Miles here is going through an emotional rollercoaster having been two seconds away from finally kissing the love of his life only to be interrupted at the worst possible time, which is just so on brand for the two of them that he can’t help but start laughing hysterically. Plus Phoenix probably looks absolutely shocked suddenly covered in petals, which doesn’t help.

Then the next two paragraphs are brought on by Phoenix Pining and also me wanting Miles Edgeworth to laugh more...

From my notes for this scene:

They stare at each other for a moment and laugh, and Miles’ laugh just utterly captivates Phoenix and makes him fall so completely in love immediately and oh no he is screwed he is utterly screwed.

So pretty much I had to encapsulate the “falling so completely in love immediately” part which I decided to do by focusing on Miles laughing. I wanted to draw a lot of attention to that which is why there are so many paragraphs dedicated to Miles laughing and Phoenix thinking about Miles laughing.

Trucy’s laughter always made the world feel a little brighter, and made Phoenix feel stronger. Edgeworth’s laugh did the opposite; it dislodged something inside of him, it weakened him, it made the whole world go soft and fuzzy around him. Instead of illuminating all the good in the world, it turned Phoenix’s world into one person.

More focus on Miles’ laughter but also... kind of drawing attention to Phoenix’s reaction to this being different from his reaction to other people he cares about laughing? Because feeling warm and happy when seeing someone you care about non-romantically laugh is normal, but then I wanted to make it clear that this is a different sort of feeling for Phoenix.

Also Phoenix has to realize this is a different sort of feeling for him because otherwise he could brush it off like he’s probably dismissed all of his romantic feelings throughout the years as “oh I’m just glad my friend is happy, and I rarely ever hear Edgeworth laugh so him being relaxed enough to laugh like that makes me feel happy too,” but it’s not what he’d expect if he just sees Miles as a friend. And it’s described as weakening in the paragraph because right now the subject of his romantic feelings for Miles isn’t something that Phoenix can fully or easily accept right now (as chapter 5 would indicate).

Edgeworth’s fit of laughter subsided, and he shifted his hand so he could look at Phoenix again, the hints of a shy grin peeking out between his fingers, his hair and his shirt and his face adorned with a sweet, gentle pink. It was like looking at an entirely different person — or, no, the same person, but with all armor off, all guards lowered.

Miles is very embarrassed right now but kind of... in a good way...? Like again, almost kissed the love of his life then rudely interrupted at the last possible moment, plus Phoenix’s whole reaction to the thing gave Miles the impression that Phoenix wanted to kiss him as well, so he’s feeling a little giddy. Plus he was just laughing a lot when he normally doesn’t do that. Overall he’s not used to expressing his emotions so he’s embarrassed and a little shy about it...

The part about Miles’ “hair and shirt and face adorned with a sweet, gentle pink” refers to both the cherry blossom petals (in his hair and clinging to his shirt and a bit on his face) and also him blushing quite a bit.

It all feels a little out of character honestly haha because Miles isn’t really the type to be blushing hardcore like this and be a little shy, buuut in this case I let myself get away with it because he’s dealing with romantic feelings he hasn’t ever dealt with at this level before, and it’s also out of character just enough to really strike Phoenix in the heart. You can just imagine him staring at Miles with the most lovestruck expression on his face because he hasn’t seen this side of Miles before and he loves it.

Phoenix’s heart stuttered in his chest, and may have stopped entirely.

He was screwed.

He was completely and utterly screwed.

And even Phoenix can’t deny that he’s super in love at this point.

I think I wrote this part, changed the words “screwed” to “doomed” right before posting, and then switched it back again for no particular reason. The Vibe just felt a little off but oh well.

Then the next chapter skips over the rest of this picnic but honestly Phoenix’s brain skipped over the rest of this picnic as well. Imagine the two of them just kind of standing around in a lovestruck daze for a while. I think Franziska had to physically drag Miles out of there. no one knows how Phoenix got home, not even Phoenix and least of all me!

But thank you Mika for requesting this!! And for drawing such incredible art for me to base the chapter around haha!!!

#dvd commentary meme #the catch-up game #asks

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yakumtsaki · 4 years

Photo

Alright you guys, sorry for the delay, I’ve had to restart this post 20 fucking times because my changes weren’t being saved in the draft and then I kept getting the ‘upload failed’ error. In case you don’t remember wtf is going on you might wanna re-read the last update (I certainly had to) which is apparently from JUNE 2018. Jfc I suck so hard. Now this was gonna be really long but tumblr wouldn’t post it so I’m breaking it up in 3 parts, part 2 to be posted tomorrow. For those that don’t feel like reading back, general recap of the last couple updates:

Jojo cheated on Wyatt with Max Flexor and my solution to that marital crisis was to adopt our first dog ever, a puppy hilariously named Maxx.

The puppy grew up to be an asshole and is constantly beating up the cats, who have turned into giant pussies (no pun intended) and are losing every fight to him despite the fact they’re named after Mortal Kombat characters. They’re a fucking disgrace to Alegra’s/Victor’s/Ronroneo’s memory and I haven’t settled on a cat heir yet because they both suck.

Jojo is perma miserable, I don’t even remember how much money away from his 100k LTW, and still not a werewolf despite my pathologically persistent attempts to make him friends with the wolf.

Fucking useless Wyatt didn’t get promoted while Komei was alive providing us with his 100 townie friends, we spent 20 updates befriending every rando that crossed our lot to secure his promotion, and then finally on the day he was supposed to become Captain Hero, Wyatt got, of course, fired and is now on track to take longer to complete his literal career based LTW than Komei took to get 6 pets on the top of their careers.

Absolutely everyone hates noogie addict Shajar, she got a Kylo Ren makeover, and we still don’t know what her sexual orientation is thanks to her ridiculous fitness/fatness turn ons and cleanliness turn off.

Golden child/10 nice points freakshow Cyneswith grew up, rolled romance with the most disturbing turn-ons/offs possible (grey hair/mechanical & charisma turn off) and the 20 simultaneous lovers LTW.

Wulf grew up into a kid, got an Amadeus makeover, is officially a Wyatt clone and the only member of this family I don’t completely hate yet.

Now I’d like to begin the first Union post in more than a year by requesting you do me a solid and lower your expectations for this thing as far down as humanly possible. Like really try to recreate the Jules Verne classic “Journey to the Center of the Earth” with your expectations here, because my brain is so fucking fried that there’s a 20% chance I randomly start citing sources at some point during this post. This grad school crap has seriously been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever. And speaking of bad trade deals, let’s get this update rolling with the man, the myth, the legend, the husband who managed to make Komei look like a dreamboat in comparison..

..Wyatt fucking Union, née Monif. It’s been a long time, but I’m not gonna lie to you Wyatt, not nearly long enough. Looking good man, just one small question, where the fuck are your eyebrows?

-You àccidéntally deléted thém, imbécilé, et I cannôt exprèss my irritatiόn prόperly becausé I hàve non eyebrôws!

Did your selective French accent get thicker this past year or is it just me?

-It géts thickér whén je suis distrésséd, givé moi mon eyebrôws bàcc!!!

No can do, brother. Actually can do, but I think the Mona Lisa look is working for you, and more importantly I still hate you, so I’m just gonna hardcore ignore you for the rest of this post if that’s ok. Talk to me when you finally get promoted, aka never the way this shit is going.

-Non! NON! MON EYEBROWS!

It’s been lovely catching up.

Jojό I mean Jojo, goddammit Wyatt, is spending most of his time building robots in the mausoleum (sweet hipster band name alert)..

..giving financial advice in Shajar’s room (inb4 what’s the difference between the mausoleum and Shajar’s room)..

..building evil snowmen alone in the middle of the night, like all mentally healthy middle aged men with 3 kids are wont to do..

..and getting the piss harassed out of him by the cat ghosts in the bathroom (sweet hipster band name alert #2). How is this like the fourth time this happens in the exact same spot, will you just stop autonomously cleaning the bathroom after midnight? It’s obviously where the cats hang out, give it the fuck up already.

-I’m actively TRYING TO DIE you absolute moron, what does a guy have to do to get killed around here?

Yea can’t say that I blame you but not happening, you can commit suicide by Ghost Alegra after the kids fuck off to college, ok? I promise.

-Oh like you promised me being heir was a route worth pursuing??

Um obviously you too need to go back and re-read your own life story, because I spent the entirety of our “““cherished””” time together telling you heirship is a shitty gig at generation 2. And then to top it off you went and married Wyatt to ensure maximum shittiness, so there you go, fucking enjoy. God I am so sick of both of you losers and we’re only 5 pics in. Let’s check in with your spawn, I’m sure they can’t possibly be more annoying than their parents-

-oh right, I forgot, this is the generation with 10/10/9 active points where the party never stops. Cyneswith are you somehow twerking to classical music?

-How else am I gonna attract all those hot senior citizens per my grey hair turn on and 20 lovers LTW?

Ok great yea I see how this is gonna go, you’re trying to entice people into voting you for heir based on how torturous playing this fucked up LTW is gonna be for me, well forget it, my readers are intellectuals and completely above such petty entertainment. (istg mofos, don’t even think about it, i already did Komei’s 5 pets career shit, i will burn this place to the ground if you saddle me with Cyneswith banging the elderly for 30 years)

-No need to worry your stupid little head, I will beat Cyneswith for HEIR just like I beat her HAIR up daily! HAHA!

Shajar no offense but you’re a fucking war crime of a sim, nearly everyone who’s ever met you hates you including your parents, and the fact that you’re the alternative here is really not helping my situation in any way. Also how the fuck are you gonna be heir when the only thing you seem to be attracted to is giving noogies, you’re like one week away from college and I still don’t even know if you’re str8 or gay or bi or w/e the fuck you are. You have Jojo’s personality combined with..

..yes exactly, DANIEL’S SOCIAL ABILITIES. I mean I was joking with the whole ‘Shajar’s the spawn of Satan’ thing, but this combo of traits was clearly drawn up in Hell’s boardroom.

ANYWAY. It’s a snowy Sunday morning, and anyone who has been a teen knows what that means:

Time to go clubbing! Man I remember being like 15, waking up on a freezing Sunday morning and my mom making me a cup of hot chocolate before I drove off to the club. Those were the days.

-Uh, Shaj, when did you learn how to drive?

-Don’t be stupid, Cyneswith, people don’t need to ‘learn’ how to drive.

-They absolutely do, actually.

-Well what can I tell you, the dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.

-Here we are, safe and sound! Celebratory noogie!

-YOU RAN OVER 9 PEOPLE

-How many times to I have to explain this to you, Apartment Life townies are not people.

Can’t argue with that logic. Let’s just go in and find out what Shajar’s sexual orientation is once and for all so I can spend the rest of this update aggressively promoting Wulf’s candidacy.

Now I consider ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’ one of the dumbest sayings there is, but even I have to concede that this particular picture truly is worth a thousand words. Quick poll, what is more horrifying, Shajar’s literal Joker face or Cyneswith, whom I’ve never seen read a book ever, autonomously pulling one out in the middle of the dance floor, in what I can only assume is an attempt to attract old perverts with the schoolgirl routine?

And I know what some of you are thinking, you’re like ‘bro, you’re just reaching to make a bad joke bro, Cyneswith is just a sweet nice introvert and not like other girls, she doesn’t feel comfortable in the club’, well to that let me reply with another picture that is worth a thousand words:

Yea that’s right, on the first minute of our first time out WE RUN INTO THAT ONE ELDER TOWNIE THAT HAS WRINKLE MAKE UP ON. GODDAMMIT CYNESWITH

Do you guys remember how Jojo was obsessed with Stephen Tinker as a teen? Are you seeing the connection here?? Those kids have literally inherited the worst possible traits from both their parents turned up to 11, it’s fucking unreal.

Right after I get over Wrinkle’s presence I turn around and what do I see, those 2, who have never had a non-noogie physical interaction, autonomously doing the family kiss thing. I didn’t even catch it on time because I was loling irl, we came out here so these assholes can find age-appropriate partners, and instead they’re kissing each other. Seems about right with this family, and clearly Striped Scarf’s dumb ass ships it.

-They look so much alike, it’s meant to be!

Yes, and they even share the same last name! Talk about written in the stars.

Thankfully Abhijeet is here to save us from incest by perving on Cyneswith. GTFO ABHIJEET. Anyone like ‘bro townies just autonomously come to greet your sims on community lots regardless of age, stop calling them perverts’, see you in about 5 pics down.

I try to have Shajar chat up Striped Scarf and suffice it to say Shaj ~stole her heart~ and presumably put it on this stick to wave around.

NO. CYNESWITH NO. I’m seriously having déjà vu of all the times I was like ‘NO. JOJO NO’, jfc.

Shajar is unsurprisingly exhibiting no interest in socializing with anyone around her, instead she’s trying every activity this terribly lit place has to offer, and she looks demented while doing it:

I’m feeling a primal urge to photoshop Darth Vader’s melted helmet on the bowling ball here, someone please remind me to do it for the heir vote photoshoot.

-HA. SUCK IT DENISE JACQUET

That’s Denise Jacquet?! I can’t tell who anyone is for shit anymore. The default replacements are a scourge upon premade brands, I’m getting rid of them pronto. Speaking of scourges, where the hell is your sister?

-Who cares?

I wanna say ‘me’ but we both know that’s a lie.

Oh ok, THERE SHE IS.

-So you see Cyneswith, just because something is technically ‘illegal’, doesn’t mean it’s morally wrong-

Yea yea fascinating stuff, now get out of the hot tub or I will fucking neuter you, I don’t know if a eunuch mod already exists for medieval games but I will make one if it doesn’t.

Here, Cyneswith, drink some water, have a nice G-rated convo with your sister about violins and stop pissing me off.

-First of all this is straight vodka.

Great.

-Secondly Shajar is talking about Mozart’s coprophilia.

-I sure am.

Amazing. Well, I guess it’s at times like these when you need to look inside your heart and truly ask yourself, what did you expect from Jojo’s children.

ABHIJEET ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME DID YOU EVEN HEAR ME TALK ABOUT CASTRATION

-Ha, I went home and put on my most elderly-looking formal wear!

-I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave Ab <3

CYNESWITH SHUT UP. I can’t believe you people are actually making me miss Gunther’s teenage whoring, at least he kept it age appropriate.

-Is some random lady pressing her breasts against my head?

She most certainly is, Shajar, because it is now crystal clear that this bowling alley doubles as the site of annual perv townie convention and we walked right into it-

-and it’s also clear we have serious issues and are enjoying ourselves. Shaj I legit don’t know what to tell you, this is the first time you get along with someone right away and it just had to be the adult with the bad haircut and the flasher’s trench coat???

-You’re damn right it did.

Alright then, I’m officially going to nope out of this situation, safe in the knowledge you’re a noogiesexual and nothing will actually happen with this freak, so I’ll focus on Cyneswith instead who is much more of a loose canon.

Here Cyn, talk to this guy, who I’m 90% sure is the same guy your father rejected in favor of stalking Stephen Tinker when he was your age.

-Ohhhh, he’s dreamy!

Omg really?? Halleluj-

-oh never mind, you were of course referring to adult ass Brandon Lillard. I do like that our townies have recurring roles each generation, we should make rejecting Blondie a rite of passage in this family. We should also officially gtfo because this is happening:

-Um, now that I’m looking at you in harsher lighting, it’s gonna be a no from me dawg.

Oh, thank the fucking lord.

-Let’s celebrate the fact we didn’t get hopelessly obsessed with any adults here by doing the traditional Dance of Normality!

-We beat Dad’s genes, we beat Dad’s genes!

-We’re normal!

Yes, and we’re definitely showing it. Can we please leave now so I can make sure I’ve uninstalled Inteenminator and turn off free will?

-Nop! Venue change!

-Got-out-of-the-car celebratory noogie!

-Made-it-to-the-door celebratory noogie!

Shajar you unironically have a noogie addiction, I’m not kidding in the slightest, you need to see a doctor.

Great, great, not another teen in sight and to top it off Denise followed us here to ensure maximum elder presence. I feel comfortable officially declaring this day a complete waste of time.

God, the vintage pink dress and the pink alcohol combo is some straight up current era Taylor Swift nonsense. That’s it, we’re outta here, back home where no one is lurking, waiting to strike at us-

-SOPHIE NOOOOOOOOOOOO💔💔💔💔💔

-The Lord is my shepherd.

NO HE ISN’T EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN’T HERD CATS PLEASE DON’T DIE

-Nop, I’m over it. Goodbye heathens, it’s been nice, hope you don’t find your paradise.

UGH SOPHIE, my beloved Westboro lunatic, the last gangsta generation 1 cat we had.. I can’t believe you’re gone and all I’m left with is stupid Goro and D’vorah who can’t even beat up the fucking dog. This is truly painful.

Yes, pets, I agree, Kaylynn is completely to blame for Sophie dying of old age. The time has now come to decide on a cat heir-

-and since Goro ran away like a little bitch after Sophie’s death despite the fact he didn’t even like her, he’s automatically disqualified and will be going off to live on Melody and Daniel’s farm once returned to us. Congratulations to D’vorah I guess, on being the least terrible of two terrible options.

On the topic of terrible heir options, Cyn has non-stop wants to go on dates and have her first kiss and all that crap, and since our Sunday morning clubbing was a bust we invite over the matchmaker.

-Hello there young Union, I see your house has been upgraded since I was last here.

Oh right we haven’t required your services since Daniel was a teen and we lived in a trailer, well we are flush with cash now!

-Hopefully your payment reflects that.

It will!! Just please give us someone good, I can’t deal with single teen Cyn for one more second.

-Oh my, what a beautiful BLANK PIECE OF PAPER.

WHAT!? NO THAT’S 5K IT’S JUST A SNOW GLITCH

-What do I look like to you, a money thawing service?

Does such a service.. exist??

-It does not, so I have to go home and use a hairdryer on this!

Just come inside and we’ll give you non-frozen money!

-No, no, you’ll get what you paid for..

-Have a magical time!

...

.........

......................

Lakshmi this was so fucking evil that I almost want to age you down and see if you and Shajar hit it off.

-As if, the whole neighborhood knows what you did to Komei.

Helped him achieve his insane 6-pets-career LTW?

-Turned him into a servant while your sim was lounging around all day!

Oh yea I did do that. But Wyatt was also a townie and he does literally nothing, Jojo is the servant now!

-Only because Wyatt is too fucking stupid to do things! Word has gotten out, no townie will ever marry in this family again unless they’re brain dead, so it’s Wyatts only for you from now on, sister!

Well this has been a complete fucking disaster. It was great seeing you again, Lakshmi, thanks for the dream date with the adult farting machine, 5k well-spent.

Pretty sure it was you bro, and yes, how about we don’t do that again.

Wyatt has brought over Amanda from work! (Aka Victoria’s only friend and subsequent lesbian lover, who is really pretty and is definitely getting married in at some point, preferably after the brown hair genes have been weakened so we can go back to being gingers.)

-Wow Shajar, your grandmother, God rest her soul, mentioned you were her favorite and now I can see why! Loving the Kylo Ren look!

-Is someone being genuinely nice to me?! What is happening?

-Yes, please stop being nice to her, Amanda, we don’t want her getting used to it.

Jojo istg.

-Cyneswith dear, tell Amanda all about how much money your grandmother left you so she can stop being nice to Shajar.

-Soooo much money, Miss Amanda!

-Ah, what a polite child I’ve single-handedly raised.

-Now, Cyneswith, you really need to get back on the dating scene so you have ample time to find the perfect spouse and continue our line, since you’re clearly the only one of my children that is remotely heir material.

-Dad, Shajar and Wulf are right next to you.

-Oh they are? I’m wearing my special contact lenses that make those disappointments invisible to me, but even better, they need to hear this. Shajar is a noogiesexual and thus incapable of reproduction, and Wulf is not even a Union, I mean have you seen that kid? Wyatt reproduced by himself like the amoeba he is. Now, your grandmother-

-YOU MENTIONED ME 3 TIMES AND HERE I AM

OH FUCK VICTORIA, deleting the default replacements gave you base game hair!!!!

-That’s the part you’re scared by, not my Beetlejuicesque entrance?

There’s literally nothing scarier than your ghost sporting this haircut for all eternity, I’m re-downloading that default immediately.

-Oh mom, so good to see you! Let me just hug my beloved child, Shijer-

-Shajar, dad.

-SHAJAR, let me hug Shajar, like I do all the time.

-I’m glad to see you’re not picking favorites among your children like I did, the way I treated David-

-Daniel, mom.

-DANIEL, is the one thing I’ve truly been regretting in the afterlife. That and not skinning Marisa Bendett alive when I had the chance.

-Well, as you can see by Shajar’s totally normal and not at all shocked reaction to my hug, I am a wonderful, fair, and emotionally available father.

(Bruh this freaked me out so much when it happened, I mean I KNOW it’s an animation glitch but I was convinced my sims had become sentient for a good while after)

-Is your grandmother’s ghost still on the premises?

-Yup.

-When will this nightmare end, paying attention to you is the worst.

-Ok she’s gone.

-FINALLY. Now it’s back to the crypt for you, and don’t you dare go complain to her urn!

-Ah, Stephen, Stephen, my life is crap and I can’t even🎵

And with the knowledge you have composed a theme song for Stephen Tinker, part 1 of the Union comeback update is concluded. Will Shajar’s sexual orientation reveal itself? Will Cyneswith find true love? Will Jojo become a werewolf? Will Wulf continue to be the only dignified member of this family? Will D’vorah have kittens? Will Wyatt do literally anything worth mentioning? Tune in for parts 2 & 3 to find out, unfollow button on the upper right corner for those who need it.

#gen 2 #ts2

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i-will-physically-fight-you · 5 years

Text

If Only In My Dreams

Chapter 3: Faithful Friends Who are Dear to Us

Chapter Summary: A skype call ensues between our two protagonists.

Pairings: platonic prinixety & platonic moxiety

Word-count: 3468

Over-All Fic Warnings: abusive parents, homesickness, misunderstandings, crying, loneliness, hurt/comfort

Inspiration: this ask right here

AO3 LINK, Chapter 1, Chapter 2

This was such a chore to write, but it’s finally done!! Many thanks to @theeternalspace for beta’ing as always. There will be an epilogue following suit, but I can’t promise when I’ll post it considering this chapter took six months to write haha

Virgil stared at his phone.

“I’m such a screw-up.” He whispered underneath his breath.

He hadn’t responded to any of his best friend’s texts and now Patton thought he hated him. When in actuality, that was very much the opposite. Virgil loved his best friend so much that he feared the idea of being rejected by him. It had been so stupid to ignore Patton like that.

Of course Patton would think he think he hated him. Virgil had given him the silent treatment all week. Worse, Virgil had broke his promise of reuniting with him in Florida. It’d been so easy in the moment to avoid breaking the truth to Patton. He was now paying for the repercussions of his actions.

Would Patton still want to be friends with him after all this? Virgil wouldn’t want to be friends with himself.

Roman cleared his throat, causing Virgil to jump. He’d almost forgotten he was in the same room as him.

“I know it’s not my place,” He began, “but whoever this “Patton” character is to you, they seem to care a lot about you.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow, “You’ve been reading my text messages?”

He really should be more pissed off about that than he was. Virgil coveted his privacy, protecting his phone from prying eyes like a hawk. But he could hardly bring himself to care about that in the midst of his pity party.

“Only the ones that popped up on your screen. I don’t know your phone’s password, I swear!” Roman said, attempting to justify it, although he looked as ashamed as he rightfully should be, “They even tried calling you at one point. I was going to answer it, but Logan advised against it. Said it was an invasion of your privacy.”

Virgil glanced back down at his phone. Well, that explained why it was on the coffee table and not his hoodie pocket. His phone screen went black and he pressed the home button, turning it on once more. Patton’s last two text messages peered back at him.

Patton Hart 💙: Hey kiddo...are we still friends?

Patton Hart 💙: It’s okay if we aren’t!! I know how you are, Virge, you don’t have to feel obligated to remain friends. Seasons come and go, y’know? Not everything lasts...and that’s okay. I still cherish every memory we spent together. But if you want me to stop meownoying you with texts, I’ll understand.

Virgil let out a strained sound, something halfway between a sob and a laugh. Trust Patton to still slip in a pun in a text like that. Patton loved puns. Virgil also loved puns, a dark secret of his that Patton alone knew. Virgil couldn’t openly admit to liking puns. It messed with his edgy emo vibes.

Meownoying. What a godawful, cheesy pun. In any other context, Virgil would be covering his mouth in a poor attempt to mask his laughter.

He glanced over back to Roman, who stood a few feet away from him. Roman crossed his arms in a relaxed manner, eyes wide with concern. He opened his mouth, his breath hitching at the last second. For the first time since Virgil had known him, Roman looked hesitant. It was clear he wanted to help in some way, but he didn’t know how. Virgil didn’t blame him. They may have spent a whole semester living in the same apartment, but they were at best acquaintances and at worst, strangers.

Virgil sighed, gripping onto his phone tighter.

“Patton is my best friend. Or at least he was,” He said, staring down at the carpeted floor, “The two of us have been friends since middle school. We had planned on meeting up while I was back home in Florida. You can guess how that turned out.”

He wasn’t sure why he was telling this to Roman. It was stupid. Maybe being alone in that apartment for three days without heat caused some brain damage. He explained what had happened to Roman. Well, almost everything. He left out what exactly kept from getting another flight.

Several times he looked up at Roman, expecting him to laugh or make fun of him. Roman did none of those things. He instead leaned against the side of the couch, patiently listening to him. After he finished, there was a lapse of silence. Then Roman spoke,

“You should talk to him.”

Virgil groaned. That damn dreaded phrase. Of course, what else could Roman say? It was true. Only talking would solve this situation. It didn’t mean he didn’t still loathe the idea of it.

“I know.” Virgil said, gritting his teeth as his gaze drifted to the floor, “It’s just I’m...scared.”

It was stupid, Virgil knew, to be afraid of contacting Patton. It wasn’t like the apocalypse would come to fruition or anything. The best-case scenario is that they would remain friends. The worst-case scenario is that they...wouldn’t remain friends and god, that felt worse than death to Virgil. Patton was his only friend, the only person who knew him better than even his parents. Virgil was going to lose him, and like everything else in life, it was all his fault.

He doubted that Roman would understand. From what little he knew of the other, he was confident, cocky, fearless--

“There is no shame in being afraid, you know. I were you, I think I would just as afraid.” Roman said, causing his whirling thoughts to grind to a halt.

“Really?” Virgil gawked up at him.

“Well yeah,” Roman said as he sat down on the couch beside Virgil, “even the bravest of knights have fears.”

“If they’re brave, how can they be afraid then?” Virgil quirked an eyebrow.

“Because bravery is not the absence of fear, it is the ability to continue despite it,” Roman smiled softly, “it is okay to be afraid. However, you must question whether or not is worth it to conquer your fear.”

When Virgil kept staring at him blankly, Roman continued.

“Friendship is like—like a ship!” He snapped his fingers together, “Made up of you and a fellow seafaring traveler—a friend. Together you embark on a wondrous journey, experience amazing things together! But sometimes you might encounter stormy weather or some sort of…sea-witch that threatens to wreck your friend-ship.

“And! You can only save it if you gather the courage to do so. If you jump ship out of fear, the ship will sink. I suppose the question you must ask yourself is: are you willing to go on living with your friendship becoming a shipwreck, or are you willing to attempt to save it from such a fate?”

“Wow…” Virgil said, after finding his voice, “that was incredibly cheesy.”

He’d known Roman had a flair for the dramatics. Once before midterms he found Roman saying a eulogy over his broken jar of crofters jam at 4am in the morning. Still, as cheesy as it’d been, Virgil couldn’t help but be moved.

The fear of rejection was a strong fear. But could he truly live with regrets? Regrets about how he hurt Patton? Regrets about how he didn’t try to fix it? He knew all those fond memories he shared with Patton would become tainted with those regrets. He didn’t want that to happen.

“But,” Virgil spoke up again, “you do have a point.”

Anxious_EmoNightmare is calling…

Patton sunk to the floor beside the refrigerator. He ignored its insistent beeping for him to shut the freezer door. Instead he focused his attention on his phone. Virgil’s profile pic stared back at him. Not a picture of himself, rather, but a drawing of the two Patton had made and given him.

Virgil was an amazing artist, with the knack of creating art that invoked true emotion from the viewer. Patton’s art, on the other hand, was barely a step above stick figures. Still, Virgil treasured Patton’s art enough to use it as a profile pic.

“Aw shucks, kiddo, it’s nothing compared to yours!” Patton had laughed, ducking his head bashfully.

“Yeah but...it’s special ‘cause you made it,” Virgil’s cheeks flushed before mumbling under his breath, “Besidesmyartiskindashittyanyways.”

“What was that?”

“My art is kinda sh--crappy!”

“I will physically fight you if you don’t stop talking about you and your art!” Patton gasped, “Your art is just as--as wonderful, unique and superb as you are!” “No it isn’t.” Virgil groaned, hiding his face with his hands.

“Yes it is!”

“Not it isn’t.”

“Is.”

“Isn’t!”

Patton smiled slyly, “No it isn’t!”

“Yes it is!” Virgil yelled, before the realization dawned on his face.

“So, you doooo admit it.” Patton said as he attempted to keep himself from chuckling.

“You--you tricked me.” Virgil protested, before the two finally burst together into laughter.

That memory usually made him smile. Not today, with his heart hammering in his throat. He stared at the skype call notification, vision blurred with tears. God, he was sick of tears. It felt like in the past year alone, he’d cried enough tears to last a lifetime.

He knew he had to pick up. Time was running short. Hastily, he wiped away his tears and shut the fridge door with his phone-less hand. He took one long deep breath, then pressed accept.

At once the phone screen went blank. A small part of Patton hoped it stayed blank. Then a fuzzy pixelated image came to life--the familiar face of his best friend Virgil filled the screen. He was hunched up in his signature plaid hoodie. The purple bangs that covered half his face made it difficult to tell if he was making eye contact. Patton didn’t recognize his friend’s surroundings at all--meaning he wasn’t at his apartment. Perhaps he was at a friend’s house. The very thought of Patton distracting Virgil from his new friends made his stomach squirm.

Patton swallowed, “H-hey--”

The call immediately ended.

He stared at his phone’s home screen, eyebrows furrowed. Should he call back or…?

Anxious_EmoNightmare is calling…

His phone started buzzing again as Virgil’s profile pic popped up once more. This time Patton clicked on it within the first buzz. Virgil appeared again, fiddling with the sleeve zippers of his hoodie. Patton could hear him taking in slow, measured breaths.

“Uh, sorry.” Virgil said, breaking the palpable silence, “I got...anxious.”

“It’s okay, kiddo.” Patton mustered up a thin smile.

Distantly, in his mind, he worried about what was the cause of Virgil’s anxiety. He knew Virgil was inherently an anxious person whose many fears were largely unfounded. Patton knew this and still loved him, anxiety and all.

Patton’s words did everything but alleviate Virgil, who shrunk even further into himself.

“Look Pat, I’m just gonna come out and say it: it was really shitty of me to ignore your texts for a whole week like that, I shouldn’t have done that--”

“It’s okay, kiddo!” Patton’s smile grew flimsier, unable to keep his voice from cracking, “I know you were probably busy with your friends and all.”

Virgil flinched as if Patton’s words slapped him in the face. He didn’t understand Virgil’s reaction, which alarmed him. Patton usually had a great read on Virgil. Or at least he did five months ago.

“Friends?” Virgil echoed.

“Yeah, friends,” Patton said, “I, um, called your mom--”

“You called my mom? Why?” Virgil demanded.

“I was worried sick!” Patton cried out, a spark of rage he didn’t realize he possessed ignited, “You weren’t responding to my texts or my phone calls. It’s been a whole week-- and with the blizzard, I thought maybe you died!”

Tears rolled down his cheeks as Patton pressed on, “So I called your mom, because I had to know that you were at least okay. And she told me you decided to stay in Massachusetts and--and you were probably busy hanging out with friends. Which is fine! I’m fine! But at least text your best friend and tell them what the hell’s going on.”

Virgil stared at him, pupils dilated and mouth agape. In the stillness, all Patton could hear is Virgil heavily breathing into the mic. Any other time it broke Patton to see his best friend look so...devastated. Not this time. It felt almost triumphant to incite such a reaction in Virgil.

Patton leaned against the refrigerator, heart clanging loudly inside his chest. He hated being angry. He didn’t like how it made him feel. There was just something savagely satisfying about lashing out in anger and it scared him how much he liked it. Patton was angry, yes. He was also frustrated, hurt, confused and a thousand other related synonyms. None of which justified lashing out at Virgil in that way.

“Look, Virge. I’m sorry--”

“No,” Virgil cut in, grimacing, “Don’t apologize, Pat. You have a right to be upset and I--I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore. I mean, you probably have better friends back in Florida…”

Virgil choked, unable to finish his own sentence. His voice had been relatively calm up until this moment. It’d been that faux calm, one that came from practicing words one hoped never to utter. If Patton knew anything about Virgil and his anxiety, that was most definitely the case.

“Virgil,” Patton inhaled, “I don’t have...any other friends.”

“What?” Virgil asked, looking up at him incredulously.

“Well, I do have friends!” Patton quickly amended, “Not just friends friends if you know what I mean. They’re more like acquaintances if I’m being honest. They’re work and school friends--so they tolerate me because they have to, not because they like me and really they think I’m too annoying and childish--sorry! I’m rambling. I--I haven’t really kept in contact with anyone out of high school besides you. I know it’s pathetic, but you’re my only friend Virgil and I don’t want to lose you--please.”

Virgil blinked at him. Then he laughed, hard enough for tears to come out. High and lilting. Nothing like his usual quiet chuckles. Out of all the outcomes he imagined, Virgil laughing wasn’t one of them. Except it happened. Usually getting a laugh out of Virgil was the highlight of his day. He’d never imagined hearing it would cause his heart to break. He almost considered ending the call there, forgetting it even happened.

The hurt in his face must’ve shown, because Virgil ceased laughing abruptly.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh, I just…” He pauses, fiddling with the ends of his hoodie strings, “Honest to God, you’re my only friend too.”

“What?” Patton croaks out, eyes bulging, “But your mother said--”

“Yeah, well, like a lot of things about my life she was wrong.” Virgil snapped, his ire obviously reserved for her and not Patton.

“Virgil, what...happened?” Patton asked, soft and hesitant.

He was beginning to think that he had the story all wrong. Maybe Virgil didn’t hate him. That he hadn’t change plans last minute without informing Patton or ignored him out of malice. He was still the Virgil Patton knew and loved. He had to be.

Virgil’s fingers tightened around his hoodie strings. His eyes were closed, and Patton could tell by his controlled breaths he was trying to quell his anxiety.

“It’s really stupid,” Virgil begins, “and most of it is my fault because I got anxious and then my one rational brain cell left the building. My mother--she--well, she--”

Virgil let out a huff, frustrated by his inability to speak. Why had he thought a Skype call would be a good idea versus simply texting? Screw it being a show of genuity--he had always been better at transcribing his thoughts in written words rather than spoken ones. He could form his thoughts into a semi-coherent message whereas real time didn’t leave much room for error.

“It’s alright, Virgil,” Patton spoke up, “take your time.”

He looked up at the screen, at Patton who smiled back at him. Not mockingly, but a real, authentic smile meant to reassure him. It was then he remembered why he treasured Patton’s friendship. In high school, people always overlooked Patton as a bubbly airhead. They overlooked his kindness, his refusal to let anyone feel excluded from things. He may not have ever received the top grades in academic subjects, but he possessed wisdom in spades.

Aided by Patton’s encouragement, Virgil continued. His words weren’t perfect. He stumbled and stuttered his way through an explanation. But Patton waited patiently until he regained control of them again. Virgil told him everything.

He admitted to Patton what really happened in the phone conversation between him and his mother. How he accepted her words without a fight, like a coward. How he felt abandoned by his parents, out of sight out of mind. How he spiraled into an anxiety attack, believing he couldn’t tell Patton. Couldn’t let him down or expect Patton to help with his air fares. He thought Patton would forget about him, too busy with hanging out with his real friends to notice Virgil’s absence.

He told him about the broken heater. How he wallowed in his misery rather than figure out a short-term solution for his problem. Waddled up in blankets, lying on a couch. If it hadn’t been for his roommate Roman--well, he didn’t want to think about it.

“He kidnapped you?” Patton asked, gasping.

It had been the first time Patton had said something. All up to this point, he remained attentively listening. Occasionally he nodded or hummed sympathetically to let Virgil know he was paying attention.

“Well, sort of,” Virgil grimaced, “The cold kinda got to me. He was worried I had hypothermia and got a bit panicked. He took me to his brother’s place and offered to let me stay here for the rest of the break. He, well, he encouraged me to talk to you. He’s...a pretty nice dude. Don’t you dare tell him I said that, or it’ll get to his head.”

“Got it.” Patton said, nodding sagely as if the chances of them ever interacting weren’t slim. His eyebrows furrowed, waiting for Virgil to lead the conversation in what direction he’d prefer. A terrible decision, really. Virgil knew the words he had to utter, words that could truly do nothing to fix the damage already done.

“Patton, I’m so sorry about everything,” Virgil blurted out. Quick. Like ripping off a band-aid. He shut his eyes tight, unable to see Patton’s reaction. Because if he couldn’t see it, maybe it’d hurt less when Patton denied his apology. Anxiety logic.

“Virgil...” Patton said softly, “of course I forgive you.”

Immediately a colossus weight lifted up of Virgil at those words. But Patton wasn’t finished speaking, “Who I can’t forgive are your parents.”

“My parents?”

“Virgil, I only know a little from what you told me about them,” Patton hesitated, “but from what I know, you deserve better. They belittle you, refuse to acknowledge your own feelings and insist you only do things their way...that’s not love, Virgil. That’s not how family should act. After all, you can’t spell ‘FAM’ without I L Y.”

Virgil gaped up at Patton’s grainy image on the screen. This news shouldn’t be a huge surprise to him. He knew his parents did some questionable things when it came to parenting. But he had always thought it was his anxiety over-magnifying things. Making mountains out of molehills.

To hear someone point it out and insist it wasn’t right and to have that person be Patton…well.

“You’re not mad at me?” Virgil blurted out, “But I ruined everything, if maybe I’d--”

“Virge, I was more worried than upset,” Patton interrupted firmly, “I was worried about losing our friendship, but more importantly I was worried if you were okay.”

“Oh,” Virgil said faintly, “Well you shouldn’t worry, ‘cause that’s my job.”

“I care about you, I’m going to worry whether you like it or not, mister.”

“Well maybe I’m not worth worrying over.”

“How dare you!” Patton gasped dramatically, “I will physically fight you!”

“Pat, you’re not even here with me--”

“I will personally book a ticket to Massachusetts if I have too!”

“Wait you’d do that? For real?”

“Well, of course,” Patton said, “we’re best friends, aren’t we?”

Virgil stared at him. Patton’s tear-encrusted face alit with a soft glow. His lips pressed into a small smile, one that always been reserved for Virgil and him alone. He felt both foolish and grateful. Foolish for ever doubting Patton. Grateful for the fact that Patton refused to give up on him, even when Virgil himself believed he should.

“Yeah, of course,” Virgil agreed, a lump forming in his throat, “I, uh, value our friend-chip a lot.”

Patton’s resulting squeal almost broke Virgil’s eardrums. But that was okay, because he’d rather be deaf if it meant he was still friends with one Patton Hart.

#thomas sanders #sander sides #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #moxiety #kat writes

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princesscatherinemiddleton · 5 years

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Princess Madeleine - Mama Magazine

“I want to be home with my kids as much as possible!”

Her highest priority is to spend as much time as possible with her children – who are so far unaware that they actually belong to a royal family. MAMA has met the three royal grandchildren and Princess Madeleine for a candid interview.

The past few weeks have been intense for Princess Madeleine. Recently she returned to Stockholm from Miami, the new hometown which she moved to a year ago, and she has just debuted as a children’s book writer, which has attracted considerable attention in both Swedish and foreign media. The children have been sick but they are now back home in Sweden over the summer – finally.

“It was not so easy for them to get over it this time, they have been sick with flu every two years. But in the end, Chris stayed in US with the sick kids and I brought Adrienne with me. So I managed to get home for the book launch.”

A few days after our big cover photo shoot with all the children, MAMA meets Princess Madeleine again – who is now recovering from a cold. She is dressed in a blue-grey jacket, white shirt, and around her neck is a thin necklace with small charms with the children’s names and a patron saint. She has some job assignments left before it’s time to leave together with the rest of the family.

“They have longed to get to Sweden! Both to come home to their rooms and their things. But also that we are outdoors so much more here at home than we are in Florida. It’s so hot there, and you can only be out for a short time, so for them to be out in the woods and run around, it’s a dream. And that is something I have really missed myself.”

Nowadays, we are used to seeing our Swedish royalty together with families in different official contexts, and it is not infrequently the children who are the focus of the cameras. Princess Leonore, the oldest of the siblings at five-years-old, has charmed the world’s press on both her Aunt Crown Princess Victoria’s 40th birthday celebration and her little sister Princess Adrienne’s baptism.

“She has a lot of energy. There are several teachers who say they have never met a child who has so much “free spirit”. But now I can see that once she gets into things she can really sit for a long time and concentrate. She loves to paint and decorate and make bracelets and necklaces with pearls. It often becomes a cosy moment because I also find it fun to paint and decorate, so it’s a lovely mom-daughter moment we have together.”

What else do you like doing together with the kids?

I would probably describe myself as the right amount of “hands-on”. I try to be with them as much as possible, whether we are in the park or at home. It is clear that if we are at home there are so many other things that need to be done, but I try to be involved most of the time when I can. It is important, it is about small moments you will otherwise miss.

How do the children’s personalities differ?

Leonore is the lively one. Nicolas is much more calm and sensitive with a big heart, a real mother’s boy. It’s him I get all the compliments from! He can say, “Mom, you look beautiful!”. Adrienne is very simple, happy, calm and harmonious, and just keeps going. Now she is 16 months so you start to see some more characteristics. She is very quick-thinking and tries to hang with the others with her little legs.

Which of the children is most like you?

My husband says Leonore, haha. She can stomp her foot when she gets angry. I was probably a little bit too, when I was a kid, quite determined, so yes. I would say Leonore.

And who is most like Chris?

Chris is very emotional and soft, so I see that side in Nicolas. Chris also sees details that Nicolas does and enjoys nice things. Chris gives the best advice, I always ask him when it comes to clothes, for example.

Princess Madeleine is always close to laughing as she tells anecdotes about the children and their peculiarities. When I ask if something in parenthood had surprised her, she has to think for a while.

“This “baby brain”, I didn’t expect it to last so long, this bubble you feel when your head is not really stuck. I can lose words and feel that I’m not as quick-thinking as before. And you have heard that maybe when you have child it can stay for a few months longer, or when you breastfeed, but I think it has stayed – ” (pauses) “ – longer than that.”

But now you have a little one too, that may not be so strange?

Yes, yes. Okay, so if you get fuzzy answers from me, then I’m blaming baby brain, haha!

Baby brain or not, Princess Madeleine has written and launched the book “Stella and the Secret” with her friend and colleague Karini Gustafason-Teixeira and children’s book author Stella Maxwell – a project that has emerged from Princess Madeleine’s commitment to the World Childhood Foundation and the issues surrounding the vulnerable and exploited children the foundation focuses on.

A children’s book about sexual abuse – that sound like a difficult task?

Yes, it’s been a long progress! In my work with Childhood, I have been campaigning to raise awareness of child sexual abuse. Me and my colleague Karini realised that even though we have reached out to thousands of people and organisations, it is difficult for these messages to reach children. That’s when the idea was born to write a children’s book. We wanted to reach out directly to the children, directly to the home where we know that everything begins, both good things but unfortunately also bad things…

Have you and Chris started talking about those issues of privacy with your own children?

We absolutely have. I think it is very important that the children understand this early and respect their bodily integrity and that you do not touch anyone in certain places of the body – you respect the private areas. We’re talking about that.

What responsibilities do you have as an adult for other children in your area?

We adults all have to take responsibility to act if we see something that is not okay. We have to dare to ask the child if everything is okay. We are too careful there, we do not want to interfere, but sometimes a child just needs to be asked a question, how they feel and if everything is okay.

In the book you do not wander around the topic of sexual abuse but go straight to the point…

Yes, we asked for input from various child psychologists when we had an almost completed script, and we also read in school classes and those were the ones who asked us not to be more afraid to talk more concretely in the book. Initially, we wrapped it up more, but they thought we would also have the heavier bit with Stella’s friend Elena’s secret, and I’m still glad we brought up that bit. For as the child psychologists say; children can take it. Don’t back it up, it’s better to pick it up.

Often, we adults are afraid to talk about heavy things?

Yes, we are afraid to talk about heavy topics with children. And that is exactly what I felt, that if we are uncomfortable talking about such a situation, how then should children dare to take it up with us? You know that you have to be a good parent and talk about problems that children may face, everything from friendships, tough times at school, bullying etc. but it is not always easy to address. Then it can be nice to instead have a book that you can read or listen to together, and hopefully it will lead to a conversation where you can naturally ask questions about how the children would have done in Stella’s situation. I hope the book can help, to open the dialogue that way.

In addition to the work with “Stella and the Secret”, her job for Childhood and the official assignments for the Swedish Royal House, Princess Madeleine also has had three children in the past five years; Princess Leonore, 5, Prince Nicolas, 4, and Princess Adrienne, 1.

For many, being a parent can be more or less a shock, was it so for you?

Now that I think about it, it probably wasn’t. I had a simple pregnancy and also delivery, so I think it helped, that it actually went so easy and that I did not have a really bad experience. The first time went well, and I have been fortunate that my children have been simple babies, they have slept through the nights since they were one or two months. So compared to how it has been for many other moms, I have been very spared.

Leonore was born in 2014 and Nicolas in 2015. What was it like to get pregnant again, so quickly?

That I was expecting Nicolas came as a shock! I was already in the third month, I knew nothing. We were moving from New York and I was so tired, but I thought I was safe because I was packing and there was so much with the move. But then I was pregnant. I think I was in the thirteenth week when I found out.

Wow. But then you had not felt bad and so?

No. I did not feel bad with Leonore or Nicolas. With Adrienne, on the other hand, I felt very ill. Really weird.

Did you like being pregnant?

Yes, actually! I didn’t think I would say that. I thought I would sigh and complain more, haha. Obviously, it will be heavy in the end but as I said, it’s probably because I had the benefit of having a light pregnancy, so I’ve been pleasantly surprised anyway. I think you get such a calm when you are pregnant, I like it.

You’ve had babies tight, it’s easy to get the impression that it’s easy for you to get pregnant?

Mmm, nothing has been planned, haha! When Adrienne came, I’d really thought I’d give Chris a puppy, but then…

Princess Madeleine bursts into laughter. “Okay, Chris had his birthday and I thought I’d surprise him with a puppy. I had fixed the kennel and knew when the puppy would come and everything was planned. And then he got a package with a stuffed animal that was a dog, and a card that said ‘Congratulations, you should get one for a family member’. He got completely chalky and dropped his chin, “What, are you pregnant again?” And I said “No, it’s just a dog!”

But then two weeks later I had to come back to him and say “you, I don’t know if it’s such a good idea that we get a puppy…” because then I was pregnant. With Adrienne. And then I had to call the kennel and say we have to wait for the puppy. I wished for a very long time at first, but I listened to my mom in the end, she said “No, you can’t have a dog too, wait now”. And that felt right, because it would still be like having two babies.

Since the 2013 wedding, Princess Madeleine and Chris O’Neill have lived in New York, then London, Stockholm, and now Miami. Princess Leonore was born in New York, while both Prince Nicolas and Princess Adrienne were born at Danderyd’s hospital outside Stockholm.

“Yes, the children are born in different countries, and there is little difference. In the United States they are much more concerned that the mother should definitely not be hurt, they give much more stunning at birth, so with Leonore it was very painless. I almost felt it was too much, I felt nothing, my whole legs were stunned.”

Did you experience any pain?

Yes, I did. But then when they got stronger, then they grew on the anaesthetic, so I didn’t even know when I was going to push her, it was the doctor who had to say it. While in Sweden you are much more restrained, you do not get given as much stunning. Which I can also feel is pretty awesome because then you know more and the body really tells you what to do. So even though it hurt a little, I thought it was a cooler experience all in all.

You were pregnant with Nicolas at your brother, Prince Carl Philip’s, wedding to Princess Sofia. How was it?

Yeah, that was pretty exciting, haha! Of course, I really wanted to attend Carl Philip and Sofia’s wedding that lasted two days – first it was a party the night before and then it was the wedding itself. And I told my midwife before, “I feel something is happening,” so I wanted to check the status before going into the party and into the church. But then I was actually 3cm dilated, so she thought I should have a bag with me in case I had to go inside.

So I sat inside the church thinking, “Do. Not. Let. My. Waters. Break. What do I do if my waters break? Do I leave? Do I stand? What do I do?” I was really nervous, but Nicolas waited a bit to get out. This was on Friday, then Saturday, he gave me Sunday to rest on, then on Monday we went in.

It must have been an exciting conversation for your table party?

I had Daniel at the table, which was nice, he helped me. So I could say, “You, it hurts right now, you have to talk and I’ll sit and smile!” Because it was a TV broadcast dinner too, haha! So I just couldn’t sit there and make grimaces.

Has it been easier or harder than you thought, being a mom?

When I had Leonore, then I thought it was too much. But then when I had the others, I wondered why I thought it was so hard with one child, haha! And then with three, oh my god! I do not agree with those who say that “If you have two then there is no difference with a third.” I don’t think so, but I think it’s more to plan, just logistically, because they differ so much in ages. Adrienne has her schedule of meal times and sleeping times, the other two have something completely different, so to put it together it’s a little bigger puzzle. But as a mom, I think… that’s a lot! But it’s fun! I love being a mom, it’s the most fun!

Has there been anything you wish you knew before you had a child?

I had a little trouble with breastfeeding. There are different breastfeeding cultures in the US and Sweden. In the US you were asked directly: will you breastfeed or do you want compensation for your baby? In Sweden, you must breastfeed. I think it was a little more pressing. Not sure everyone can and for me, that was a little difficult.

Have you breastfed all your children?

Yes, I have.

As a new mom, were you worried or cool?

My friends thought I was cool and I think I’m pretty calm. It is clear that I was sometimes worried as a new mom because we lived in New York and I did not have the family close, so you could feel a bit lonely during the whole thing. But we brought in help, so it felt safe to have someone there who could support.

How is Chris then, is he cool or more worried?

No! He’s the worried one of us, haha! As with Adrienne a few weeks ago, he said “she looks yellow, we have to go to the hospital, I think she has jaundice!”. And I just was like “No, she can’t have jaundice, she’s 15 months old, she’s just caught the sun!”

How do you and Chris complement each other as parents?

Good, I think. Unfortunately, I am the one who may be a “bad cop”. Leonore knows exactly who to go and ask when she wants something. But joking aside, I think we’re a good team. When I have Adrienne in the morning, he fixes breakfast for the children and solves everything in a good way, then he is busy in the days, but comes home in the evening for reading time with the children and then on the weekends we are very much together. Chris is very much a present dad when he is not working.

Who are you looking for support from in parenting issues?

It’s probably my friends. Most of them are a little ahead of me so it’s perfect, they have that experience right now, when the kids go into different ages and stages, so there I talk a lot with my friends.

Do you ever Google for info if the kids get weird rashes or the like?

No, no.

Maybe Chris is the one who Googles?

He definitely Googles! He probably has spreadsheets of all kinds of illnesses there, haha. But no, I don’t.

You and Chris come from slightly different cultures regarding child rearing. Is there something you disagree on?

Yes, I would probably say that it is. I would like to have the children with us all the time, while he is more like it was where he grew up: the children are not always with you, for example, you do not always eat dinner with the children but individually… But you have to compromise. And I agree, it is important for the relationship that you get some alone time together, and not with the children there.

Many who are in the middle of the toddler carousel may feel that they sometimes lose themselves, a bit like "where did my old self go?" Have you ever felt that way?

I have, absolutely. But sometimes I think it's a little nice too, just to focus on the children and not on myself. I think now that the kids are getting a little older, I'm starting to come back, and have more time now, when the bigger kids are more in school. I still have Adrienne at home, but I'm starting to feel more like myself again.

Do you feel lonely?

No, I feel like ... now I have a family, my own new family. But then it is clear that you always miss friends and family at home in Sweden.

Have you been able to build a new network of friends in Florida since you moved there?

Yes, but it does take its time. We moved there in August last year, so now I feel like I have good friends, and especially good moms from school that I got to know. In the United States, there is an incredible parenting presence at school so it was very easy to get in and make new friends throughout that cohesion. It is a full time job to just be a present parent in school there! No wonder it has become such a phrase, "soccer mom", because it really is.

Are you going to be a soccer mom?

Sure! I already think it has started with all the different activities of the children, the only thing you do is drive back and forth on different activities. Leonore has ballet and football, tennis ... Nicolas also has football and "sports" where you get to test everything from baseball to basketball, he thinks it's great fun.

Princess Madeleine describes a daily life that in many ways resembles many other toddler parents. Up early in the weekdays, stressful mornings and off with the older kids to school. The days are often spent at home with Adrienne, they attend gymboree classes with singing, play and gymnastics. Get the kids from school at three, shooting off for activities.

When Chris comes home from work, they take turns reading for the children before bedtime and on weekends it is fully focused on spending time with the whole family. Both Friday night ("Yes! Movies, chips and popcorn!") and Saturday candy are two Swedish classics that are obvious to the family.

Living in sunny Florida has its advantages. When the children come home, it is often a swim in the pool, swimming with friends is a favourite occupation, and both Leonore and Nicolas learned to swim early. In addition, they do not have the bulky winter overalls that we Swedes otherwise are accustomed to at home.

“Yes, it is very nice right now during the toddler years ... that booking with all winter garments - and once you have come out then someone needs to go to the toilet! Here it is only with shorts and t-shirt, in that way it is very simple, life is a little easier when there is a warm climate.”

In the US, they may also be more at ease compared to Sweden, they are not recognized as often.

How do you talk to the kids about being royalty?

I haven't actually talked to them about it yet. I think it will come naturally. And I think it was so for me, because I can't remember that mom and dad sat down to talk about it, but it probably came naturally. I think when the time comes they will ask and wonder and then you have to take it then, but now they have to live in their little bubble, in their little world without titles.

Can it be a shock when you are here in Sweden and people recognize you on the street?

That is where I think Swedes are so very respectful with the children, it is rare that anyone comes up. Even though we are in the park and I see that people recognize us, but there are not some who come and take pictures of the children or so. So they have been very kind, they live in their bubble and think they are like everyone else.

Are there times when you feel that you are not enough as a mother?

Yes, but it is clear, when all the children want attention, and then maybe you have to go away and not be able to follow up any noisy situation ... But otherwise we are very much with the children right now. And I have also really tried to prioritize this, to have these toddler years, and as long as I can, I want to be home with the children as much as possible.

You said before that you want four children?

I have to correct that. Chris has said four kids, not me, haha!

How do you feel yourself?

Right now I feel that I do not know how I would be able to get to it purely logistically, because it is quite a lot as it is, but at the same time it feels very sad to close that door. Because it is so wonderful with children. But we'll see.

“Right now I'm very happy with three children,” says Princess Madeleine emphatically and adds with a laugh: “It might be a dog instead!”

Quickfire questions

How many times were you awakened tonight? - Two. By Nicolas and Adrienne.

How many children lay in your bed when you woke up this morning? - Haha, one. Nicolas. He is the night hiker.

What was the first thing someone said to you this morning? - "Mom I need to pee!"

Which child was most difficult to raise? - Leonore.

What did the kids eat for breakfast? - Actimel with cereals and toast. Chris fixes.

How many toy animals were sitting at the breakfast table? - Two rabbits; Leonores "Pink" and Nicolas "Blue".

When did you get to drink your morning coffee? - Standing, just before we left. And cold.

Who in the family takes the longest time to put on their clothes? - Leonore.

What are the most common kids chattering about in the mornings? - The iPad.

What is the most common thing you talk about in the mornings? - Now we have to go!

#mine #swedish royal family #princess leonore #princess madeleine #prince nicolas #princess adrienne #chris o'neill

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fart-gate · 4 years

Text

SG1

Season 2 episode 9

🚨trigger warning: mentions of rape in my notes🚨

"SECRETS"

Notes by me

- the chief from abydos! Also daniels father in law :)

- no glasses!Daniel in this scene

- I love how dedicated Daniel is to his space family and their culture😌 like this random Egyptian planet was like I'm gonna keep you! And he said okie dokie

- "I couldnt possibly be safer than in the company of tealc" AKDEOSNDJSJSSKA

- Jack wants to go back too lol

- Daniel back in his robes 💕

- back home for daniel! To abydos!

- Bodyguard!tealc

- apologizing to sha'res dad for not being able to find her yet 😟 its not your fault babe!

- SHA'RE??? YOUVE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME WHAT THE FUCK

- tealc:

- shes pregnant and that is....really bad. If its one of the goaulds that raped her. This got dark real quick

- "husband!" "My daniel" I CANT HANDLE THIS IM ALREADY GOING INSANE

- he doesnt want to bring his hopes up that its actually her 😭

- hes shocked but like.....i would be too

- I was right its apophis kid :\ this so fucked up

- Host Baby??? Big Yikes

- okay I'm gonna say this right fucking now before i watch any more. If Daniel blames her and gets mad at her for being raped and getting pregnant WITHOUT her consent than i will personally come thru this screen and slap the fuck out of him

- meanwhile! Jack and Sam bonding time!

- SAMS DAD

- sha're thinking Daniel wont love her anymore :( she better be wrong or I'm throwing hands

- she said the goauld is Amunet? Is that the dog goddess? Or the crocodile? I'm getting my Egyptian gods mixed up

- Daniel sitting outside to Process™

- "hasnt she gone thru enough?" My brain stopped working I'm so happy hes not not blaming her. Writers for once youre doing something right

- man hes really emotional about this

- tealcs right they need to take her anyway for her own safety.

- do u think he sympathizes with her bc hes been raped too? Its not said but I feel like thats what it is. He knows it wasnt her fault. And that also means they can comfort each other about what happened to them😟bc they understand

- okay why is sams dad being a total dill hole

- "Ive heard nothing about you, sir." Jack youre not off to a great first impression

- Jack making sam smile with sly jokes

- her dad knows she be lyin about her job

- he wants her to go to space HAHA if only he knew. His tiny brain would explode

- Daniel said he loves her no matter what and then gave her a big hug im LOSING MY MIND

- are we keeping the baby??? Am I gonna see Dad!Daniel and mom!sha're ??? 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

- micheal shanks eyes are super blue in this episode for my viewing pleasure only

- protective!Daniel 😍

- I'm just remembering how they met and when she showed him the forbidden drawings in the caves and they spent days together just sharing knowledge. When he found out they were married(in her culture) and just completely accepted it. When he saved her bc he realised he was in love. When he stayed on abydos so that he could live a full life with her and her people because he felt like he belonged. I'm fine

- parents need to ask before they set up things like job interviews. I have personal experience with this and im full of rage

- this reporter literally having a recording of Jack talking about the stargate and Jack flatly denying it. Zero fucks given

- Daniel saying he wont force sha're into anything. Bc up to this point shes been forced into so much!! He knows he needs to let her make her own choices!!! He gets it!!!

- im sorry both Daniel and sha're are so pretty in his episode. My bisexual brain is just having a real good time looking👀

- I REALLY really love it when she calls him "my dan-yel" ❤❤❤

- the SGC has a mole???

- LABOR somebody boil water

- oh its my goauld mans with the sick earrings

- Daniel helping her give birth. Sitting behind her and helping her breathe. I'm love

- "this is where we hid from Ra remember?" Ajdjsisnana thats such a cool detail

- he'll never leave her again there goes my heart

- "It's O'Neill. With two L's. Theres another colonel O'Neil, but he has no sense of humor at all."

- dont you hate when youre about to uncover a huge government secret and then immediately get hit by a car

- shooting the zat gun into the camera was a cool directing choice 🔥

- sam: so I'm getting a medal for my service this week! Cool right?

Jacob Carter: I have cancer

- he could not have been any more blunt

- ok dude cant you just accept the fact that she cant tell you what her job? Dont you know what top secret means? Cant you just be proud of her for what she does already???? Dick

- "I will always love you!!"

- she is scared she will lose Daniel and the baby :(

- its a boy! 💙💙

- the goauld is back in control oh god Daniel run

- shes actually pretty scary as a goauld

- yeah ok shoot the woman who just gave birth tealc YEESH

- that was a good idea to frame Heru'hur tho

- Daniel hesitating to leave her again. My heart is breaking 😢

- they saved the baby at least

- poor sha're didnt even get to see her son 😔

- bringing the baby back to the grandfather was a good idea😊

- this baby is SO SO cute

- is Daniel a stepdad now. Is he gonna come back and play catch with the kid when hes older. Is he gonna fully adopt him. I want him to fully adopt him

- Jack blaming himself for the reporters death. You gotta stop doing this to yourself man

- black shirt Daniel 👀👀👀👀

- HAHA tealc shoving the jaffa into the vortex lmaooo

- "you dare challenge me?"

"I was thinking about it"

- WHEN JACK GRABS HIS KNIFE REAL QUICK AND SPEARS IT INTO APPOPHIS HAND

- she definitely saw them and didnt say anything

- "are you alright?"

"No. No im not.........but I will be."

"She looked directly at us, Daniel jackson. And yet she did not reveal our position." YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS LADS. Theres still hope for my girl. She can fight this I believe in her ✊😤

- I will say it again tho. This storyline for her is very fucked up. No excuses, its just a bit over used in sci fi for the women characters to have surprise pregnancies.

Whump under the cut

Tealc whump: fought with jaffa

Daniel jackson whump: shocked, emotional, crying, forced kneeling, back handed

Sam carter whump: emotional , crying

🎶listening to You Are The Reason by Calum Scott and Leona Lewis 🎶 in honor of Daniel and sha're making me lose my collective mind

No glasses!Daniel for most of the episode

#stargate season 2 #no glasses!daniel #bodyguard!tealc #tw rape #tealc whump season 2 #daniel whump season 2 #sam whump season 2

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saviormysticmeme · 6 years

Text

707 Secret Call

You were laying in bed, staring at your phone, answering some emails before going to sleep. It was around 1 am, you just finished chatting with Jaehee in the messenger, and you knew the messenger would be fairly quiet until you woke up, aside from a chat or two. None of the late night messages from the RFA were usually too intense, so you were ok with sleeping now. As you answered emails, the familiar ringtone you set began a second before 707’s picture popped up on your screen. You smiled as you hit the answer button, seeing how the redhead was definitely one of your favorites in the RFA. “Can you talk right now?” His voice was serious and it knocked the smile off your face a little, usually he was goofy and loud but this time he came across very...somber. You only ever heard this voice in times of crisis, like when dealing with the Prime Minister or with Saeran, or when Seven himself had been trying to convince you not to love him. “I mean you answered so I’m going to assume you’re ok to chat…”

As usual he kept rolling with the conversation without a response from you.

“Do you ever wonder if the world around you is real? Like, is everything truly happening or are you in a coma and imagining it?” You felt your heart pang with a little bit of sadness, realizing this was usually around the time Seven started contemplating his life and that you wouldn’t really be able to say anything to pull him out of it.

“I know media jokes about it, but sometimes...sometimes I had to wonder if I was just a simulation, or a character in a video game or something.” Ohp, there goes one of the little 4th wall breaking easter eggs.

Dammit Cheritz, pulling on your heart strings as usual.

“MC, you there?”

You went to look for a response bubble, but suddenly you stopped. Did...did Seven just refer to you as ‘MC’...my character? Your jaw dropped a little for a second. Was it a bug, did you accidentally delete your name from the settings, did-

A sad laugh interrupted your thoughts. “Sorry...I...I know I shouldn’t bring it up. I just...I have no clue if the name you set is your real one or not..and I don’t know. Everyone just refers to your avatar as MC so I..” his voice died off

“What” you barely breathed the word above a whisper. Did Cheritz make a secret route?? Does 707 become completely self aware.

“Hah….so that’s what you’re voice sounds like” Did he just address...your voice? You frantically stared at your screen, looking to see if you hit a chat bubble or something but...it was just the captions for Seven’s spe-

The captions were wrong.

You played the game plenty enough to know that the captions had the right 707 call, but the audio...the audio was not the usual.

“Seven?” You held the phone tight to your ear.

“Yes?”

Your heart stopped.

“You...you’re..” Your brain suddenly felt like it was electrified “You’re talking to me? Directly? You can here me?”

“...So I was right.”

You were silent.

“I...I’m in a game aren’t I. The RFA..isn’t really in the same universe as you is it?” His voice had that same sense of somber from the beginning of the call. You had no idea what to say, this was surreal to say the least. Is this a dream? What’s happening? How can...how did Cheritz….no. They couldn’t.

“I’m sorry.” He said, voice a little strained. Was he ready to cry? “I knew...I knew it I knew it I knew it. I shouldn’t bring it up but… I’m sorry I had to know.”

“How long have you known?” Your voice couldn’t even hold your own words up and cracked halfway through.

“Uhhh” He took a moment to think “I think after you played a couple times. I don’t know for sure. But I know one day, when you first started chatting with us, you felt a little familiar. I just ignored it. Then you said something and I got Deja vu, then days went on and I was getting a lot of Deja vu. A lot. It got to the point I could predict every conversation happening in the messenger.” His voice was becoming a little more unstable.

You felt your world spin and your heart crack as you put a hand over your mouth to muffle a soft gasp.

“One day...I swore you were dating Yoosung. You guys spoke all the time, but suddenly when I logged in the chat again, you and Zen were talking like old friends, and he called you baby or something and...I thought I suffered amnesia or something. I messaged Yoosung asking what happened between you two and he had no clue what I was talking about. I thought I was going crazy when you and Jaehee opened a Bakery together within what felt like a week or two. Suddenly my days were playing over and over again by the day. Some things would be completely new and I thought I had hallucinated the others, but then a problem would arise that I swear we solved the week before.” The more he spoke the faster he spoke and the more frantic it became. “Then suddenly, I felt like I woke up one day and you were all I could think of. I...I was in love with you” You had to choke a horrified sob back, knowing where this was going. Tears started pricking the sides of your eyes. “MC, or, whatever your name is I guess, you were everything. You helped me save my brother. I remember it clearly. Being in my car. Racing with Vanderwood and Saeran in the backseat. Rika was alive, V got shot. It was...It is still so clear in my memory…...and suddenly I woke up and V was back. He was alive. I called him freaking out and he had no clue what I was talking about. I started running around my house, and ...and you weren’t there”

His voice broke into a sob which immediately elicited the same reaction from you. How the fuck was this happening.

“I….I logged into the chat and suddenly, suddenly you were with Jumin. Everyone was talking about how you two would be good together. How you were staying at his house. I felt so sick, I couldn’t understand what was happening.”

Your face contorted into an awful grimace as you squeaked and sobbed, and you could hear Seven doing the same. You found your voice somewhere in between.

“Saeyoung, I’m so sorry. I … I wouldn’t have if I’d known” Oh god your heart felt like it was bursting

“I know. I know you’re not that person. I’ve gotten to know you so many times and...and I’m not going to lie I think I’m still in love with you, and it hurts watching you go through the motions. But...But I know the game won’t let us have anything else but those two weeks. You’ve played it twice already haha! And I tried breaking through the forced dialogue but...it’s so hard. I was hardly able to call you tonight.” “Saeyoung” You wailed as you clutched the shirt over your heart.

“I...I’d ask for your name but it’s better if I don’t know” His voice was low and apparently recovering from the chest wracking sobs he also experienced. “I...I have to hang up now”

“What?! No! Please we can talk about this-” You tried

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to. I really don’t want to hang up but I have this pushing urge...I think I must be programmed to hang up after a certain time haha. My hand is shaking a lot” You looked at the screen, the captions had stopped so the call was supposed to have ended already.

“Saeyoung..”

“I’m so glad I could hear your real voice this time. I like it. I’m sorry to have troubled you. I don’t think we’ll get the chance to talk like this again so let me just say, I really don’t blame you. And even if I can’t say it. I’m grateful for all you’ve done. I really have to hang up now- it’s” his voice had become more and more strained, like a weightlifter holding up dead lifts “it’s making me go. I’m sorry. I love you.”

“NO PL-” You tried but suddenly the call clicked out and it was back to the welcome screen. You tried calling him back with all the hourglasses you had, but no answer. You checked the chats, nothing. Texts, nothing. You just sobbed over your phone, trying desperately to get some sort of message to him.

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shirtlesssammy · 6 years

Text

1x12: Faith

Welcome to hellatus, guys! This summer we’ve decided to recap our favorite episodes from past seasons. We’ll be picking two per season. We’re starting off with Faith --because Dean’s faith and self-worth seem like a good start, and at least one recapper (Boris) hasn’t rewatched in a very long time.

Then:

On a dark, lonely highway, two brothers criss-cross the country hunting monsters while looking for their dad.

Now:

Sam and Dean are hunting a rawhead in the basement of very dark house (forewarning: Boris will maintain a running commentary on how dark this show is in the beginning for the foreseeable future.) While Sam gets the children to safety, Dean takes out the monster with electricity, but gets zapped in the process.

(If I’m going to suffer, you’re going to suffer)

Sam gets Dean to the hospital (Omg, Hannah!) but the doctor has bad news. Dean suffered a massive heart attack, and his heart is irreparably damaged. He only has a few weeks to live. Sam, in tears, heads to Dean’s room. He finds his brother, considerably worse for wear, channel surfing. “You ever watch daytime tv? It’s terrible.” (haha, Jensen is only a few years removed from Days at this point. Also, it’s SO something Dean loves.)

This is Dean’s episode, but I’m really feeling for Sam here. He just lost Jessica at this point. He isn’t close to John, but their dad is missing too. He is facing the reality that his brother is going to die. Welcome to the show of pain and loss and never ending heartache, Sam Winchester.

He jumps into full savior mode, researching everything about Dean’s condition, and even calls their father. Surprise! He doesn’t answer. There’s a knock at the door, and Dean’s there!

He checked himself out the of hospital. That’s ok though, because Sam has a lead on a specialist in Nebraska. He’s not letting Dean die on his watch!

The specialist is actually a faith healer in a tent. Dean is appalled. I’m appalled at the amount of mud everywhere. This is not ADA compliant. Throw some boards down for the sick and injured at least. As Sam and Dean enter the tent, they argue about faith and God. A young woman counters Dean’s argument, and hello flirty Dean. The woman is Layla. She wonders why Dean is even at the faith healer’s if he doesn’t believe. “Apparently, my brother here believes enough for both of us.” It’s like Sam took those words and internalized them for 13 years. Aside from his mental breakdown after Dean and Cas went to Purgatory, Sam’s always kept pushing and believing in something better.

Once the boys are seated inside the tent, Roy Le Grange starts his spiel. In a side whisper to Sam, Dean calls bullshit on the whole shebang. Roy, who’s blind, overhears him and asks him to come forward.

Dean does not want to go. Dean doesn’t think he deserves to be healed. Dean reiterates that he is not a believer. “You will be, son. You will be.” Hahahahaha, he only believes now because he’s seen it all. Roy asks the congregation to pray and he lays his hands on Dean. Dean falls to the ground. Sam rushes to his side. Dean looks around and sees someone behind Roy.

Back at the hospital, a doctor assures Dean that his heart is perfectly normal, like nothing was ever wrong with it. She also tells the boys that another young man died from a heart attack the day before. Coincidence? Dean thinks not.

The boys split up. Sam goes to learn about the heart attack victim and Dean heads to talk to the reverend. He tells Dean about going blind, cancer, a coma, and a miracle of waking up cancer free with the added bonus of healing thrown in for funsies. Dean wants to know why he was saved. DEAN. The reverend says he sees “a young man with an important purpose, a job to do, and it isn't finished.” Lol, he has AT LEAST 13 more years of work to do.

Sam learns that the man who died was running at the gym before he died. And the clock there hasn’t worked since.

Dean runs into Layla and her mother as he leaves the reverend’s. They’re turned away by the reverend’s wife. Layla’s mom lays into Dean, and Dean learns that Layla has a brain tumor. “Why do you deserve to live and not my daughter?” Whoa, harsh lady. One, he saves the world, a lot. And B, angels are pretty much making it impossible for him to die.

Back at the motel room, Sam reveals all the research he’s been doing. For every healing that Roy has performed, someone else has died. Dean concludes that they’re dealing with a reaper.

Cue generic lame-o music montage if you’re watching Netflix. Cue super awesome, totally on the nose Blue Oyster Cult’s Don’t Fear the Reaper if you’re watching the DVD. Sigh. We see Roy heal people while a reaper takes a life.

Sam guesses that Roy is using dark magic to bind the reaper to do his bidding. Dean wants to kill him. Sam doesn’t want to kill another human. Then Dean says, “We can’t kill Death.” Lolololololol. Sam suggests breaking the black spell.

They head back to the tent where another dramatic healing service is about to begin. Dean stakes out the tent while Sam breaks into the preacher's house. He discovers a book hidden behind another. It's an old book with information about reapers and the coptic cross on the altar in the tent.

Also in the book? News clippings about people who have died...and one news article featuring the man campaigning against the faith healing. And so the next victim is revealed (In a Monty Python voice: He’s not dead yet!) Sam relays the info about the next victim to Dean.

Dean's mission in all of this is to stall the healing. But this show being what it is, the next person called up for healing is Layla. We want her to live but also...it's not the way to save her. Dean is clearly feeling the same quandary and he tries to tell her not to go up and be healed. Her mother calls her up to the altar and Layla goes. (And you can’t blame her. The word of some angsty dude over her desperate mother? No contest.)

Meanwhile out in the parking lot the next victim calls for help as the reaper pursues him through the parked cars. The preacher's about to heal Layla when Dean pulls the fire alarm – and by “pulls the fire alarm” I mean he just shouts that there's a fire. Uh. Subtle? People panic anyway and skedaddle. The preacher's handlers lead him out and the healing (and murderous reaper) is stopped.

Hooray! Problem solved! Except...no. The reaper reappears and grabs hold of the victim's head. The protester collapses slowly to the ground while Sam shouts at Dean through the phone to fix it. Dean spots the preacher's wife standing strangely off by herself. She's muttering an incantation and when Dean interrupts her, she stuffs an ornate necklace under her shirt before yelling for help. With her spell interrupted, the reaper recedes.

Dean and Layla have a chat about the failed healing. She wants to know why he interrupted her healing and when he doesn’t have an answer, she walks away disappointed. Dean heads back to the car muttering that she deserves life more than him. Ooooh Dean Bean.

Anyway, don't worry kids, because the preacher's gonna heal Layla in a private session! Or, worry readers, because someone's gonna die soon. I'll give you a hint. He's over six feet tall, has fanfiction green eyes, and channels his immense daddy issues into hunting.

Back at the motel, Sam explains the book he purloined from the preacher’s house. It was written by a “priest gone darkside” who learned how to trap a reaper. They theorize that the preacher's wife first trapped it to keep it from taking her terminally ill husband, and later decided to use it to kill people she found immoral. Gross. Since the preacher is healing Layla that night, they head out to either destroy her necklace or the altar, or possibly both since they’re not sure what’s controlling it.

Dean muses about the value of his life yet again on their way to the revival camp. I suppose this is one of the reasons I find this episode so compelling. I’m endlessly drawn to Dean and his deep well of self loathing and sacrifice. I feel like this episode epitomizes much of that for me, and sets up so much of the conversation about faith and purpose later on.

Anyway. Roy's about to start healing but his wife isn't there. She must be lurking elsewhere to do the reaper spell. Sam heads to the house to find her while Dean leads the local cops on a merry chase through the encampment. Sam finds a cellar and heads inside. At last he's found the altar! He finds a picture of Dean on the super messy black altar. (If you're going to do a black altar, at least do it with some style, lady.)

The wife shows up. “I gave your brother life and I can take it away.” Yeah...NO. Sam trashes the altar and races for her. She locks him in the cellar but Sam is resourceful and starts bashing his way out while the preacher’s wife heads to the tent to pray Dean dead.

Dean, meanwhile, gets a happy visit from our friend the reaper. He starts to die, eyes graying out and color bleeding from his face, when Sam appears by the reaper’s wife and destroys her necklace. Sam got free! Now the reaper is free! The reaper immediately turns away from Dean and heads for the preacher's wife. She's toast in moments - her life for her husband, apparently.

Sam meets up with Dean and they head back to the hotel. Dean mopes about what happened when Layla stops by. (Sam called her and told her to stop by. Sam, you dork.) Sam gives Dean a stupid grin and hightails it out of there. We get the recap: Layla's still terminally ill. The preacher's suffering after the death of his wife and collapse of his healing business.

Layla tells Dean that she's okay with everything that went down. “If you're gonna have faith, you can't just have it when the miracles happen. You have to have it when they don't.” (Accurate!) She bids Dean farewell.

He tells her, “I'm not much of a praying type. But I'm gonna pray for you.”

“Well,” she replies. “There's a miracle right there.” (Accurate.)

Ya Gotta Have Quotes:

We can't work miracles

I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot

I bet you she could work in some mysterious ways

I looked into your heart and you just stood out from all the rest

We can't kill death

God save us from half the people who think they're doing god's work

You said it yourself, Dean. You can't play god

That fabric softener teddy bear. Oh, I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down.

Why me?

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #spn rewatch #spn 1x12 #faith #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural season 1

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cow5secondchance · 3 years

Text

Episode 4 - Honestly I’m a Vindictive Person - Blake

Format: The Penthouse

Eliminated: Mario & Jennet (4-4-4 // 4-4-1)

WILLIAM

youtube

NICOLE

These little weirdos don’t know what they’ve just done! Lit a fire under my ASS. I’m so sick of feeling down in this game like every week is something else that I get dragged into and then the one week I’m planning nothing, thinking everything is going smoothly and my number 1 ally goes home after literally being pummeled the whole game. I’m so damn annoyed. I want the switch, I want top of the penthouse or whatever they call it. I want power so I can feel like I can shake things up!!!!

CAPTAIN

hello everyone i forgot to update yall since the second week so here we go! so we pulled off the plan to evict wyatt and i was so scared that they were going to pick me but i guessed they still love me and that makes me feel bad but urgh.. i just hope they could be able to come back </3 now we're moving to the daisy chain round in which isaac ruined everything after he saved nicole when he should save mario so thats a red flag. anyways, i came up with the plan to save everyone from the greenhouse and pretty people wink wink and i did that so congrats me. anyways, isaac put mario up and i was like maam not mario. no one talked to me about the votes. the alliance with blake, jennet, autumn, nicole, isaac and jarod? i think was made and now blake is upset with me for not telling him everything when i didn't talk about anyone in this vote and i just voted out isaac because i couldn't vote out mario? so white man.... urgh

these white ppl are freaking out too much

XAVIER

I want to end up in the Penthouse. Put Kaleigh last, so she gets eliminated, as I don't think her Defender will save her. And then the 4 options left, the 6 who voted together now will just have to vote together again. I want those who are really playing to stay longer, even if they are threats to me. It's just more fun. So none of those just popping up to vote :) All plans though. Might delete later haha.

youtube

JAROD

youtube

NYX

So this week went the way I wanted it to but not without a bunch of complications. So the daisy chain went pretty well I mean we controlled it from beginning to end and I think that we made it obvious enough to where the greenhouse people weren't seen as an immediate target. Then isaac and kaleigh ended up being up for banishment and I was really happy since kaleigh i don't talk to as much and i just voted isaac as well as him being way too chaotic for my liking. When Kaleigh won the uproot though that's when i got nervous because that meant there was gonna be a replacement and of course with my luck it was mario. Now this round changed my outlook on a lot of things because when i was campaigning for mario mario didn't do anything. He wasn't talking to people, he wasn't making bonds, and it's so fucking hard to save someone who won't save themself. There's also the fact that all of sequester voted the exact same way to save isaac which is also suspicious. Granted we in the greenhouse did as well. So this makes me realize that probably sometime soon, i'm gonna have to renege on the greenhouse four because mario clearly isn't gonna help my game much when it's my ass and were gonna be such an obvious target moving forward. Since the vote was 6-4 besides sequester and GH i don't think there's any clear alliances made so depending on who wins power this round i'm gonna have to make the move. the question right now is just how?

I put a lot of effort into winning that penthouse comp so it sucks that I didn't win BUT. If there was anything i trust to put my faith in it's definitely william since we just pulled a big move together so ik he'll at least have my back. I think i have a good chance of surviving this round but i guess we'll see

XAVIER

I AM SO BAD AT CHALLENGES. I reviewed the videos and all the details. But got bogged down with reading Wyatt's question - not the color of the shirt Wyatt is wearing! And just counted the painted art of Jennet, not the total. OH WELL. I have a pretty good relationship with William. I don't think I'll be in the bottom 5. Just depends now on who has the Switch and if it will be used on me. I feel it is with Jarod. Who else would Isaac give it to? Maybe Jarod won't use it on me, I think Jarod would have other targets aside from me at this point. So Greenhouse 4 still here. Mario is ... Mario. Wish Mario were more active. Harder to defend Mario now. I have a good relationship with Lindsay, William, even Kaleigh. Jarod too. Blake we get to talk. Autumn, Nicole and Jennet, I have been reaching out, but they are just so "busy" or maybe I am just not on their priority list. The Greenhouse 4 (well, 3 without Mario), William, Jennet, Lindsay voted together last round. So hopefully if we get to stick together this round, we will be safe too.

BLAKE

im feeling a bit down about my spot in the game! I think im probably a pick to go soon, and I really just need to find my footing in order to make a move in this game gr! last week i was at work, but it seems like william and nyx flipped the vote? but i cant be angry about it w/ william even though i AM so i decided just to rant about everybody ELSE to william and i think my whineyness is really working for me, serving nicole franzel, because i think william wants jennet gone which is like- good cause i think shes in the middle of the game.

CAPTAIN

william won the power! so.. i really don't know the outcomes tbh cause like even though we voted together last round, i didn't really talk to him (or anyone) about the vote. so i'm a little worried. i just hope the bond that we have made on the first round helps a bit with his decision.. please please i just wanna make it..

JAROD

youtube

XAVIER

Nice line up for bottom 5, William. Most voted with him last round except for Nicole and Kaleigh. I think he believes Kaleigh won't be saved and so eliminated first. And then Nicole would be the target. I was surprised Isaac gave Nicole the switch. I thought it would go to Jarod. Maybe Isaac thought that too, so shook things up a little. I don't think Nicole will switch me. I would want the kill used, so we don't worry about it later on. But if mostly Greenhouse is on the bottom (if Nicole switches out with Nyx), then we should use save to mess things up.

Why does it feel like I am the only one making strategic plans with these 3? Am I in the wrong alliance? Maybe I can get us 4 to sure Jury and switch to Nicole, Jarod and Blake. Ugh. Tiring.

NYX

So, this week I thought that I would be good I mean william won the penthouse comp I was safe and while the bottom five wasn't desirable i'll take it. Then of course karma comes back to bite me in the ass and the guy i orchestrated a vote out for chose the one person I couldn't have getting the karma got it and i know for a fact based on the fact nicole refuses to hold any type of intelligent conversations with me i'm in trouble

XAVIER

Could it be? Don't want to jinx it but..... https://youtu.be/wKP0hNmg4gE

BLAKE

I’m so glad I had a literal mental breakdown last week over everything because one thing didn’t go my way. Really embarrassing for me BEBSNSNSK but anyways! Moving on! I’m hoping Kaleigh doesn’t get the boot honestly and it’s a heavy vote, considering I put in a lot of work to get myself to 2nd in the totem poll and had to release a lot of information to William to get here, it would be really unfortunate if I were to somehow end up vulnerable through a twist ! The reason I don’t want Kaleigh gone is because there are 2 other people I would rather go in the bottom (jennet and captain) for flipping. Honestly I’m a vindictive person and LOVE them but, they gotta GO just out of spite truly. I’m really happy with the new alliance of Lindsay myself William and Jarod, and the reason I’m apologizing for being a literal nut job last week is because I made everything about me, I was spiralling because I was having stress with work and everything I think? Who knows? And I really don’t think I’m in as bad of a spot as I thought I was, especially if I can knock out some big players and Isaac or daisy wins the battle back. As for the battle back! I’ll rank the 4 people out right now on how much I want them to return 1- Isaac 2- Daisy 3- Wyatt 4- Lanie

XAVIER

I AM IN THE JURY FOR SURE! I mean, I want to win, but for sure I am not pre-jury! Now the double vote. It was a waste of the save. Nicole should have just eliminated Kaleigh. Now it means the second round of Penthouse will be an automatic elimination. That would be tough. I know many are looking at Kaleigh and Mario to vote. But if most put votes on Kaleigh, and a few on Mario, could we still swing the second vote off Mario? And onto a bigger threat? Maybe it will help us more farther along in the game. And who doesn't want a group of 4 lasting longer? There might actually be more votes on Mario than Kaleigh, because of the Greenhouse returnees still being complete. Let me think more on this. One of them is surely going home, do you want to save the other for a bigger threat like Jennet or Lindsay? I am cool with Lindsay. Jennet I haven't forgotten being their nominee.

I am not pre-jury! I know I kept saying pre-merge in the video haha Survivor on the brain. https://youtu.be/SErcWUpfCwo

CAPTAIN

[this is gonna be a throwback diary room entry!] william put me in the bottom 5.. not surprised i think. i was hoping if our connection we made in the first round was gonna help here but its not. but i don't blame him.. i rlly flop with talking to people the past couple of days teehee. so thats kinda the wake up call for me to like keep talking to people or else i'll be over. i don't have any bad blood with william i think but i also won't forget that he's putting me in the bottom 5. period.

NYX

Ok so, with this heavy vote twist this means one of either Jennet, Lindsay, Mario, Captain, or maybe Kaleigh will be up to be voted for. This sucks because those first 4 are close allies. So now i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because i'm gonna have to let one of them go. so now i have to pick my loyalties. I would like to get Kaleigh and maybe Mario out because then we'd be forced to work with other people in other alliances but I just don't think Xavier would turn on them like that. I just have to find some kind of excuse to pull this off.

CAPTAIN

nicole saved kaleigh! thats good for kaleigh! this vote tho is gonna be something.. i don't wanna go so i'm fighting hard. blake told me he's not voting me. i know i can trust jarod, jennet and autumn and the greenhouse people.. so i think i'll be fine here? but idk. anything freaky could happen. for the voting plan, i think GH4 is gonna do kaleigh so thats 4 votes on her. and hopefully, jarod, jennet, autumn, blake and nicole is doing mario so it would be 5 on him. and lindsay told me she won't vote me so i think she might do mario too? since mario isn't talking to ppl. this is always my issue with mario like i love him but he doesn't even want to save himself and i just can't carry him anymore.

AUTUMN

youtube

XAVIER

So I was going to try and vote someone else out. I mean majority look like they are voting Mario. So the G4 would be voting Kaleigh. If I could just convince Mario to vote someone else, it would be 2-2. But then Blake messages and says that the G4 are voting together, so is there something. So in order to just make sure Kaleigh gets out and not cause extra drama, I am sticking to Kaleigh. Well, it is kinda obvious I guess. I just told Blake I wanted to help us all get to "merge" since we had the worst placements of all coming in the game. I hope that was convincing enough.

So G4 voted for Kaleigh, I knew it if I switched to Jennet then Jennet and Mario would have gone home. But at least it's out in the open. So I think Sequester+Jennet voted for Mario. And Penthouse+Survivor (the others) voted for Jennet. Good to know where Jarod and Blake really stand, even with all their messages to me. The swing votes are the other 4. Gotta make better relationships with William, Lindsay and Nicole. And what's up Blake? Outing the G4 in the group call? When Sequester is the same, good thing Nyx brought it up. Watch your back, Blake.

LINDSAY

Not thrilled about this vote for many reasons. So, William gets power, and he messages me, right? "I want to work with you me Jarod and Blake" okay that's cool but uhhh.... there's six white people left in the game and that's four of them... so me and jarod message like "???" and we work to stop the noms from being all POC cuz that's gross (the intention was Jennet+Greenhouse/Nicole which uhhhhhh). I talked him into at least nomming Kaleigh. Me and Jarod were under the impression that Kaleigh would go home tonight for general inactivity (also Mario because he's inactive as piss + a greenhouse kid did probably finally need to go tonight) Where did this Jennet vote come from? Who voted for Jennet? Why are they suddenly a target? I dunno man I couldn't fight it much because I was out with my friend while we were deciding who to vote for but I'm squicked out on every level right now. Clearly people weren't telling the truth to me on top of everything else.... that's not how you win my trust. My god, am I about to goat for Jarod? I think Mario/Jennet are going home but not happy about this all around.

#cowsecondchance #episodes

0 notes

laurenj966 · 4 years

Text

Being pregnant during A Global Pandemic COVID-19

About me, myself & a bit of him!

Hello everyone! My name is Lauren, I am 24 years old and I am a care assistant in a care home and my partner, Craig, 23, is a mechanic. Craig and I reside in Scunthorpe. In January 2019, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which was managed by medication. I grew up in Ashby, Scunthorpe as an only child. Craig was born in Scunthorpe then brought up in Barnetby. Craig and I met on Plenty of Fish in what I think was 2017!? We was on and off for a while but then he eventually got stuck with me! (Poor lad!). We only got to see each other at weekends due to work commitments which was hard at first, but the will power made it work.

We went on our first holiday together to Amsterdam on a mini cruise, then went to Benidorm in October 2018, where I lost all dignity due to a stomach bug! (Bless Craig, his first time on a plane!) We then decided to ‘gate crash’ my parents 25th wedding anniversary in Marmaris, Turkey in July 2019, where Craig and I got engaged on July 2nd, their anniversary! When we got home the planning began! We have our date set for the 12th June 2021, a beautiful church, venue, five bridesmaids, oh and a best man! Haha! With us planning a wedding, we thought we should move out! We bought a lovely three-bedroom semi-detached house in Scunthorpe. With a lot of Saving, blood, swear and tears, we finally moved in on Friday 13th December 2019 (I know! What a day!) and now we have our home just as we’d imagined.

The mental health

After previous employment issues, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in January 2019. I was prescribed Sertraline tablets which were my rock! I had my bad days and good days. Planning the wedding and the house move was stressful, but it kept my mind occupied. I then got another job which I love, in a different care home. I was so scared of asking the doctor for help, but it was the best things I did! I was embarrassed for a while in front of people who knew I was on medication, but with support from my family and Craig, made me more confident.

Finding out

It was 5am on Saturday 25th April 2020 when I woke up and something told me to do a test. I had been on the ‘pill’ for years, to help control my heavy periods, but I chose to come off the pill earlier in the year as my periods were all over the place (Craig new about this!). I took one of those cheap tests and... a line appeared then a faint line! I shouted Craig and got him to look and he could see it too! We went back to bed then went to get a better test when the shops opened that morning. We bought a digital Clearblue test which said I was 1-2 weeks pregnant. We was both shocked as we had been careful, but we was both so happy! Craig said a few swear words and we both laughed and said, “oh s**t!”. I straight away went to tell mum, who did not believe me at first, but then was shocked and cried. The next person I had to tell was dad! (HELP!) Dad was more bothered about the house and the wedding, but he got over it! And I saw him smirk a little on the video call! Craig told his mum, dad, and sister, who were all over the moon. I then visited both sets of my grandparents to tell them and they were happy too!

I was due in work the following Monday and took advice from a nurse who said I was at risk been there with being early weeks due to the Coronavirus. I was then sent home by the area manager and was put on ‘Furlough’. I had my first appointment with the midwife on May 15th, unfortunately Craig was not allowed to come in with me due to the pandemic. This is when I realised that this pregnancy was going to be hard for both of us, especially Craig. I found out at the appointment that I was seven weeks pregnant, which meant the ClearBlue test was two weeks out!

1st Trimester Week 1-12

Some of the symptoms started to show by week five! I became very bloated and my clothes were getting tight already! It was quite frightening, we were in lockdown, Craig’s garage was forced to be closed, I was ‘furloughed’ and no one was able to see each other. Not seeing mum everyday was hard. Craig did all the shopping while he was off work to protect me and the hand washing, and sanitising door handles game was very strong. As now there was not just me, I had to protect from a deadly virus, I now had my baby to protect. Craig’s garage finally reopened, and he had to go back to work. The first day was hard as I was used to him been here every day and now I had to do the shopping. As lock down was eased and we was allowed to see people again, distancing was key, I needed to protect my baby.

Nearing the 12th week and with been at home all day, I began to clear the spare bedroom, (baby’s room). I was always on the internet looking at ideas to decorate the baby’s nursery. By now we already had Moses baskets, bouncer, cot, almost everything! (I’m impatient!). I had my first scan at 12 weeks, and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, because I had to do it alone as well as knowing Craig was missing out on seeing his first child in the womb. They confirmed there was only one baby in there! Phew! They said he’s looking perfect! And I got a photo to keep. It now felt real! At 18 weeks we booked an early gender scan at Hey Baby in Hull. This was when we found out the gender! The cravings were strong... crisps, fruit, and sweets, but still no sickness! Yay!

Gender reveal!

We booked an early gender scan at Hey Baby in Hull as Craig was allowed to come into a private scan with me. Our scan was Saturday 31st July. We had arranged a gender reveal back home in the garden as the lockdown restrictions had been relaxed. The scan place was amazing, it had big screens to see the baby on, Craig could not believe it. I closed my eyes and waited for the lady to put the coloured light on. I opened my eyes and the room was... BLUE!! We was so happy I even cried! We got some brilliant scan photos of baby and we bought a confetti cannon! We got home and set the garden up. There was my parents, Craig’s parents and one set of my grandparents and we also video called my auntie and cousin. We nervously burst the cannon, and everyone was so happy for us. We then went to the Queensway for a meal.

Mental health & pregnancy

When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately stopped taking my Sertraline tablets. Luckily, I had no side effects. My GP told me to stop taking them however my midwife said to take them if needed. This meant that I would need extra scans as they can have an effect on the baby and I felt this would be selfish of me, if I continued to take the tablets, so I stopped and chucked them in the bin. Some days were definitely harder than others and still are but then I realised I came off the tablets for a good reason, for my boy! Only my closest family and of course Craig have supported me through this. My manager has been brilliant, she has phoned me almost every fortnight to see how I am.

I take comments to heart, always have done, always will due to the depression. So comments such as ‘you’re getting fat” “There must be more than one in there” “Do this” “Don’t do that” and pressures of breastfeeding instead of bottle feeding, all have an impact on my mental health that some people can’t see. Also, due to spending nearly all my school life been bullied, I am more scared of my child being bullied at school and not having friends like me. I want to give my boy everything he wants and needs in life just like I was given. I do spend too much time worrying about what I need to do in the future or what might happen in the future. But what I do know is that I will do my damn best to be the best role model I can be to my boy!

2nd Trimester Week 13-28

By week 20, the nursery is almost complete! We decided to go neutral and animal themed. I love it! We are lucky that we have a lot of built in storage in that bedroom. We built the cot, the changing unit and bought a lovely gliding nursing chair in beige. It is perfect! We also have our pram! It is like pushing a bus! We went for the Venicci Prestige Edition in Shadow Denim Grey and we got the 10-piece bundle. Two days before my birthday in August, I had my 20-week scan at the hospital. I was able to take someone along to this scan with me for some unknown reason! So, I chose to take mum as Craig was working. Mum could not believe it and said it was amazing! It was quite a long scan as they checked he had everything he should! He has two arms and two legs! His brain, spine and organs are growing as they should be, and she said he looks perfect and I got another picture! At 24 weeks I had a test for Gestational Diabetes, due to having a high BMI (Everything seems to be blamed on a person’s weight!). It was the longest appointment I’d had yet, and it was awful! I was told that if I got a call within a couple of days it would mean I have Gestational Diabetes... after a week and no phone call it turns out I DON’T have it! Yay! Baby had started to get very wriggly in there during these weeks. I had been to the hospital a few times as I had not felt him move which was really scary and I got told that because he is only tiny, I won’t feel him much. However, as the weeks went on, I started feeling a pattern in his movements... (my mealtimes!) but then one day did not feel him for about 12 hours. I was so scared; I called the hospital and was sent to the maternity ward and yet again I had to do this alone. (Even though at this point of the pandemic you could meet people in a pub but was not allowed one single person to come to the hospital with you at such a scary time!!!!). After waiting anxiously and seeing the midwife looking nervous, he was absolutely fine and was just hiding! Monkey! By week 27 I have baby’s bag packed, car seat and blanket ready! Just my own bag to pack! It has gone so fast and we are so excited! The cravings have stopped, I still have not had any sickness! But my hormones and emotions have been like a rollercoaster. I have felt like I needed the tablets, but I haven’t given in! I can do this!!

The COVID baby shower

I had arranged a baby shower for November. I bought all the accessories I'd need to throw a baby shower for me and my boy. I had sent out invitations to close family and friends and planned what food I was going to make and what games we'd play. But then... Big bad Boris made yet another announcement, one that thousands and especially I did not want to hear... the rule of 6. Gatherings of six people maximum and he said this could be in place for the next 6 months. I gave it a few weeks and though about possibilities of having two separate parties of six, but then thought the second just would not be as good. So, I decided to cancel it. I am absolutely gutted. This pandemic really is breaking so many hearts and ruining peoples' plans.

3rd Trimester – week 29 – 32

At 29 weeks I was having a lot of stabbing pains in my lower abdomen I was sent to ward 26 and was monitored for over an hour. Baby’s heartbeat and movements were fine, then I was examined, and they said it was not labour. I also started my maternity leave at week 29.

I had a routine scan at 29 weeks and 2 days. I saw the doctor afterwards who said that baby was growing a little smaller than expected, but the midwife said he’s growing normally, and he weighs three pound. At this appointment I was also told that I had to commence Tinzaparin injections twice a day because of my varicose veins and to prevent blood clots. I was also told that there had been a prescription at the hospital for Aspirin since June! Which no one told me about! It came as a shock that I had to inject into my stomach twice a day as I am not a great fan of needles. I was sent home with sixty injections and a sharps bin. Some days are harder than others at doing the injections and they are leaving my stomach in a right mess!

The following day I had a routine appointment at the midwifes, she measured baby and said he’s fine and we listened to his heartbeat and she said that it’s perfect! I informed her about the injections, and she said I should be taking the Aspirin a long side the injections, so I had yet another trip to the hospital to get the tablets. I then requested to speak to the practice manager of my doctors surgery, to query why I haven’t been put on any form of blood thinners since going to the doctors since 2015 about my veins and being told repeatedly there’s nothing they can do (or should I now say will do!). Since being put on the injections and the tablets, I have felt fed up and I’ve been more annoyed at the fact of why was the possibility of having to be put on this medication not mentioned to me at the start of my pregnancy, it’s disgusting.

Another day, another letter through the door… I had an appointment with the Anaesthetist to talk about pain relief in labour. Disgusted and upset could not even describe how I felt after that phone call appointment. So yet again… “due to your BMI” I suggest you go straight for Epidural. No, I’d like to try without anything thankyou. I won’t lie, throughout this pregnancy, I have never felt so discriminated against by health professionals who I thought was are there to support you. But no, everything is put down to a person’s weight. If they’d bother to even, ask “why do you have a large BMI” they’d probably understand!

My midwife appointments are getting more regular now. At 32 weeks I had another appointment they said he’s measuring fine and his heartbeat is good. They are referring me to the consultant earlier than my next scan due to the severity of the bruising and pain caused by the injections.

3rd Trimester – week 33 – 36

I got to see the consultant earlier than I should have regarding the bruising… typical! They’ve faded. So, I showed her the pictures I had taken but she wasn’t interested, just said to continue with the injections. Part of me felt selfish as they’re keeping both me and baby safe but the other part of me is finding it really hard physically and mentally. Twice a day having to count down to inject myself, suffering with the bruising and now lumps are appearing from where I’ve gone into something under the skin. But needs must n all that!!

Week 33 I had another scan, baby is now five pounds and is growing as well as expected. The lump I have sticking up on my stomach is his little bum! Every time his bum moves makes me laugh and love him even more!

At week 34 I had loads of appointments this week! I had my routine midwife appointment…. Now this was amusing! Little man decided to fight the doppler and send his heart rate up to 200!! The midwife said if it doesn’t decrease, I will have to go to the hospital to be monitored and put onto a drip. After filling in my notes she checked his heartbeat again and it had gone back to normal! What a monkey. The next day I had the health visitor visiting me, I heard they can be not very nice, but the lady appeared to be nice! I didn’t agree with some of the things she said and most of it is common sense and she gave me a little red book for baby. Last appointment of the week… I had a phone call appointment with the midwife about my birthing plan. I’m having him at Scunthorpe General (if he doesn’t pop out at home or in the middle Aldi! Haha!) I’m hoping to give birth in the birthing pool, firstly with no pain relief and if need be gas and air and then Craig is going to cut the cord. Typical me asked about self-discharge… I don’t like hospitals and I don’t want baby in that place for any longer than he needs to be especially at the minute.

By week 35, the hospital bags are fully packed! My monthly deep clean of the house has been done with thanks to mum for helping! And the Christmas tree is now up! So, now the moses baskets are in place upstairs and downstairs, baby’s bottles and everything else is organised. So now it’s just a matter of waiting!

0 notes

raccoonsinqueen · 7 years

Text

<3 Confessions <3

Feeling fluffy rn

-Sans-

“What’s the deal?” You laughed as you followed your close, skeletal pal up the grassy hill. Sans hadn’t let go of your hand once, even though he was holding a telescope in his hand.

“what?” Sans grinned towards you, turning back lazily for just a second. “wondering where the hill i’m taking you?”

You snorted. His jokes were dumb, and you didn’t know why they made you laugh everytime. “Yes, actually.”

“don’t trust me?”

“Hard to trust someone who doesn’t have a brain.” You teased, tugging his hand back and leaving him to crash against your chest. You playfully pocked at his chest. “Or a heart.”

The most curious blue flushed across his cheek bones. He seemed to do that a lot around you, so you figured it must be a skeleton thing.

“h-haha, yeah...” No witty quip? He must have alot on his mind...

Sans led you along, occasionally inserting a pun or two, which you would laugh for, until you finally made it to the top of the hill.

“alright, here we are.” Sans stopped setting his telescope down.

You looked at the view and hummed, “It’s nice up here.”

“nice will be an understatement in just a second, kid.” Sans winked at you before coming up behind you and covering your eyes. “here, give it a second.”

You chuckled, “What’s this all about?”

“i may not have a heart or a brain, but you can trust me on this one, kid.”

“Will this trust involve your sweaty hands on my eyes for five minutes?”

“er...” You could practically feel him getting warmer. “i-it won’t be too much longer, kid.”

You laughed, “I’m only teasing, Sans! You know I don’t mind your company!”

For some reason, he only got warmer at that. “right...”

Finally, after some comfortable silence, Sans spoke up.

“alright, here you go.”

As soon as his hands left your eyes, you looked up and felt your soul fill with child-like wonder. It was beautiful, the sky was filled with stars. You had never seen the sky so clear, especially being so close to the city. It was like an array of dark blues and purples of every shade with scattered freckles of white starlight. It was beautiful.

“It’s... Amazing.” You said, almost breathless.

You hadn’t even noticed, but Sans was staring at you with that same wonder. “stars, i love you.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

You turned to face him, and Sans went bright blue. “uh, i-i was talking to the stars! the stars! i love ‘em, good ‘ol flaming balls of gas and whatnot...”

“Yes,” You turned back to the sky. “It’s beyond gorgeous. Sans. Thank you.”

“of course...” Sans sat down, quietly. “...i’m glad you like it.”

-Papyrus-

"I LOVE YOU!”

You blinked.

“Uhm...” You looked at your hands, which were currently being held captive by the seven-foot-tall skeleton on his knees as he gazed into your eyes with a bright orange glow across his cheekbones.

“I LOVE YOU WITH THE BURNING ROMANCE OF A THOUSAND LOVERS!!” He leaned closer to you, causing you to lean back.

“You, uh...” You looked around. No wonder there were rose petals scattered literally everywhere. When he invited you to “THE MOST AMAZING AND ROMANTIC DINNER OF YOUR LIFE”, you thought he meant ‘romantic’ as in ‘fantasy-filled’ not ‘actually romantic’. Sometimes he just talks like that, with his fancy words and strange double meetings. Yet, there you are, three bites into his ‘LOVE-SPAGHETTI’ and he’s confessing to you. You wondered if all these candles were a fire hazard... “... Love me?”

“YES! WITH UNRIVALED PASSION!!”

“P-Papyrus-”

“YOU’RE AMAZING! ALMOST AS AMAZING AS ME!” He cried, “YOU’RE KIND AND CREATIVE AND YOU LIKE MY SPAGHETTI AND YOUR SUPER PRETTY AND YOU PLAY WITH MY PUZZLES AND YOUR SMART AND YOUR CLEVER AND I LOVE YOU-”

“Papyrus!” You almost squeaked out, “We’ve known eachother for barely a week!”

He shook his head. “I DON’T CARE! MY LOVE FOR YOU AND YOUR SUPER SEXY HIPS IS UNDETERABLE!”

“Hoh, boi.” You took your hand to rub your temples. At least he was cute... “Look, Papyrus, you can’t just, uhm, proclaim your love for someone after only a week of knowing them.”

“BUT I HAVE!” Papyrus smiled too bright for this world. “AND I’LL DO IT AGAIN! I LOVE YO-!”

You put your hands over his teeth, “Papyrus, please!”

“OKAY, I’LL STOP...”

You exhaled.

“...IF YOU GO ON A DATE WITH ME!”

You groaned, looking at the starry-eyed skeleton in front of you. One date wouldn’t be too bad, if he could stop it with all the ‘love’ talk. “One date, Papyrus. One. And that’s it.”

Papyrus stood with confidence and conviction, “THAT’S ALL I NEED TO HAVE YOU FALL FOR ME, TOO!”

-Orange (Underswap Papyrus)-

“Honey, do you want any popcorn?” You called back from in the kitchen.

You heard Papyrus’ faint voice from the living room, “yeah.”

“I didn’t hear a please in that.” You called back.

“because i didn’t give one.”

Snarky jerk. “Fine! No popcorn for you, Honey!” You said, smirking. You pulled out the popcorn when the timer beeped and poured it in a bowl, before making your way into the living room.

“what’s poppin’, kid.” Orange replied with a lazy smirk.

“Nothing for you, Honey.” You replied, a small grin on your face. You saw him twitch ever so slightly. You knew he hated that nickname, and that’s why you used it.

“aw, pouting again?” That received an angry glare from you, which only made him laugh. “come on, kid, learn to share.”

“No.” You said, plopping down on the opposite end of the couch. “Now turn on the movie, I want to see some murder clowns.”

“sure thing, but you know what goes really good with popcorn?” Orange leaned towards you, which made you quirk a brow.

“What?” You eyed him suspiciously.

And before you could make any protests, you suddenly saw him dumping his entire bottle of honey on your lovely popcorn bowl. “a little honey.”

You shoved the popcorn bowl toward him in a fit and fumed, “You jerk! I made that for me!”

Papyrus laughed loudly, “heheh! don’t knock it ‘til you try it, kid!”

“You ruined it! You-! You stupid-! Stop staring at me like that!”

“i can’t help it.” He mused, chuckling only slightly. “you’re so cute.”

Your face flushed a bright red, “Don’t say things like that!”

“like what? like...” Suddenly, Papyrus was too close for comfort. “i love you.”

You shoved his face away from you, “Yes! Like that! Ugh, your teasing is insufferable!”

Was... Was that a bright orange dusted across his cheeks? No, no you must have been imagining things. “right... well, let’s get this movie started, shall we?”

-Blue (Underswap Sans)-

“Y/N!”

You turned around to see your adorable and bubbly, skeletal friend bounding towards you.

“Blueberry,” You smiled as he finally caught up to you. “Where did you come from?”

Sans took a moment to catch his breath, before jumping back up with blue stars in his eye sockets. “I FOLLOWED YOU DOWN THE STREET!”

“Uhm.”

“I KNOW YOU ALWAYS GET OFF OF WORK AT FIVE SHARP, AND I KNOW YOU LIKE TO TAKE YOUR TIME AND PASS BY THE MARKET ON YOUR WAY HOME, SO IT WAS A SIMPLE MATTER OF DETECTIVE WORK!”

You giggled softly. What a funny guy. “Truly amazing, Blueberry. You never cease to amaze me.”

Sans flushed a bright cyan, “MWEHEHE!”

“Well, while your here, can I buy you a crepe?” You smiled. “Something to reward the great detective?”

His eye lights went from stars to hearts in mere seconds. He must truly love crepes. “R-REWARD?”

You giggled again, “Of course! Blueberry flavor for my favorite Blueberry, right?”

“HNNNNNNGH!” He whined, squirming ever so slightly.

“Oh, dear!” You lifted his chin to feel his forehead, he was a burning blue! “Are you feeling alright? You’re so warm to the touch, sweetie!”

Sans melted into your touch, an almost goofy grin accompanying his heart-filled eyes. “Y-Y/N!”

“Sans, you’re taking care of yourself aren’t you?” You worried, “I don’t know what I’d do if you fell ill... I’d be worried sick!”

“I LOVE YOU!!”

You stopped.

Suddenly, Sans realized the words that just fell out of his mouth.

“You-?”

“UHM! I MEAN! I! UH!” Suddenly, Sans was running down the street, “GOTTA GO!!”

“...What?”

-Red (Underfell Sans)-

You downed yet another drink and laughed. “Fine, it’s true! I unironically like anime, but can you blame me?”

“haha! yes! i can!” Sans rumbled with laughter as he chugged his own shot. “stars, you’re such an idiot!”

“Says the loser who thinks wearing all black is cool!”

“hey, you take that back!” Sans rumbled, trying to poke at you but too drunk to actually land any hits. “black is cool, it makes me look edgy!”

“Hahaha! Do you hear yourself?” You poured some more of that sweet brown liquid in your glass, only missing slightly. “Edgy? Okay, Emo-Kid-2000!”

“your suuuuuuuuch a bi-”

“Okay, you’ve had enough!” You laughed, swiping the bottle he was currently trying to drink from him.

“oh, you stiff!” He slurred. “your a hypocritical stiff!”

“And you’re a drunk idiot!”

“so are ya!”

“Well, you got me there, emo kid.” You took a swig from the bottle and laughed.

Sans leaned on the counter and stared at you in awe. “stars, i love you.”

“Haha, what?” What was this all about?

“your sooooooo pretty.” He started drooling. “i wanna make you mine alllll night loooong.”

You rolled your eyes, “Whatever, perv.”

“no no no no not just like that,” He drawled on. “i wanna bang ya, but i also wanna kiss ya, you know what i mean?”

“Uhm?”

“stars, i wanna kiss you so bad...” He leaned closer to you. “i wanna lean into you, and see you, and be with you, and to love you soooooo cloooose. i want you to love me as much as i love you.”

“S-Sans...” You could feel the blush across your face.

“i love y-” And then he threw up next to you.

-Black (Underfell Papyrus)-

You were sleeping on the couch when you heard it. The soft sound of the door closing. You rubbed your eyes and sat up. Was he home already?

You looked toward the door, only seeing a vague silhouette.

“Papyrus?”

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING.”

“I was waiting for you.” You yawned. “You always get home so late so I... !!”

“GO BACK TO BED.”

“Papyrus!” You pushed the blanket off of you and rushed to his side, “You’re covered in blood! Are you alright, you didn’t-!”

He grabbed your wrist harshly and hissed, “I’M FINE.”

You were almost startled by his sharp reaction, but you knew him too well to let him scare you off. “No. You’re not.” You used this as an opportunity to grab his own wrist and drag him to the kitchen.

He recoiled, trying to pull his wrist back, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

You turned to him roughly and poked a finger at his chest, “I’m helping you out, you ungrateful idiot!”

Papyrus reeled back, incredibly offended, “I’M NOT-!!”

“Now shut your mouth, and accept someone’s kindness for once, or so help me!”

He finally closed his mouth, only letting out a few grumblings in response.

You set him down on the kitchen table and grabbed a damp washcloth as you began wiping away the stains on his bones and armor.

“YOU...” You saw a faint glow on his cheekbones, “YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS.”

“And you don’t have to get in fights when I’m not around!” You huffed. “Honestly, I wish you wouldn’t, Papyrus! I don’t like you hurting others, and I... I don’t know what I’d do if you came home seriously hurt!”

“...”

He didn’t reply for a while, as you took your time cleaning his wounds. It seems... there was a lot more blood from whoever he was fighting...

“YOU WAITED FOR ME.”

“Of course, I waited for you.” You shook your previous thought away.

“WHY?”

“Because I worry for you.” You huffed.

“. . . Iloveyou. . .”

“What did you say?” You tilted your head.

“I SAID OLIVE JUICE.”

“...What?”

(Shorter ones for these guys)

-Yellow (Echotale G Sans)-

“Wait, what did you say?” You turned toward your bad boy of a friend.

“I said I love you.” G Sans said, nonchalantly as he lit a cigarette.

“... You’re not serious, are you?”

“I am.”

“Oh...” You didn’t know how to respond. He was so... casual?

“Well?”

“Well, what?” You asked.

“Usually, people say something other than “oh” after someone tells them those three little words.”

“What do you want me to say?”

His eye lights grew a ominous yellow, almost in an eery way if you hadn’t known G Sans for so long. His eye lights scrolled over to you, his unreadable expression unchanging, “You know the answer to that.”

-Green (Echotale G Papyrus)-

“Er, uhm, I don’t...” G Papyrus cleared his throat, nervously. “I don’t usually, uh...”

“Oh, G, are you alright?” You put a hand on his shoulder, but that seemed to have the opposite of the intended effect. “Why are you so nervous?”

G Papyrus raked a hand across his scroll, as if trying to clear his head, “S-Sorry! I’m not used to, well...”

“Hey.” You made a point to show him your most comforting smile. “It’s okay. Just relax. I’m your friend.”

“Right... That might actually just be...” With another clear of his throat, G Papyrus straightened his back, and said with the greenest face, “Y/n!”

“Uhm, yes?”

“I! I love you!”

“...”

“Wait, what?!” You recoil.

-Purple (Swapfell Papyrus)-

You were just cooking dinner as you always do, when you suddenly felt two familiar arms encase you completely from behind you, prohibiting you from finishing dinner.

“Wha-?”

“shut up.” Whoa. His voice was dark. What was he-? “don’t say anything. don’t move anything. don’t think anything. don’t. do. anything.”

You went completely still. He just stood there like that, his skull in the crook of your neck and his arms wrapped around your body, squeezing you too tight for comfort.

Just as you were about to say something (which may or may not result in some serious injuries), you heard something just below a whisper in your ear.

“i love you.”

And just like that, he let go of you, and you sucked in a breath you didn’t know you needed. When you turned around, he was gone, and you were left alone to your thoughts and a slowly burning dinner.

-Indigo (Swapfell Sans)-

“HUMAN!!”

“Raspberry.” You replied, coyly.

Sans rolled his eye lights, before he continued, “I HAVE FINALLY DECIDED... TO SAY YES!”

“Yes?” You tilted your head, “To what?”

“TO YOU THROWING YOURSELF AT ME EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY!” Sans put his hands on his hips, “SO, FINE! YOU’VE FORCED ME TO ACCEPT YOUR PROPOSITION!”

“Oh, don’t worry, Raspberry.” You smiled, “I'm not trying to date you.”

“LIES! IMPOSSIBLE!” Sans jabbed at you, “IT CAN BE THE ONLY EXPLANATION!”

“The explanation for what?”

“FOR WHY I LOVE YOU!”

“...”

“You...” You blinked. “You love me?”

Sans looked like a dear in the headlights, and you finally noticed the bright magenta color he was beaming. “THIS! THIS WAS A MISTAKE!!”

“Wait, Sans!” But he was already running away... Wait, did he not realize that was the opposite direction of his house? Looks like you’d be seeing him sooner than expected.

#undertale #underswap #undefell #swapfell #echotale #sans #papyrus #skelebros #raccoon with a pen

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prettiestsupersoldier · 7 years

Text

The Winning Team

AN; #1 Hi! This wasn’t even close to being done, but I read something with a ‘poc!reader’ that pissed me off so much I hurried to finish so excuse the mistake. #2 This was supposed to be two separate things fuck that shit tho. #3 I couldn't remember if peeps wanted to be tagged in this so my B.

Summary: Bucky wants you on the winning team!!!

Words: I have no idea.

Part 1 / Part 3

Bucky x Black!Reader

“Ready?”

“Yes.”

“Mommy, dad says Aunty Nat needs you at the tower. That’s it. Got it?”

“Got it!” And with that his over excited son was off like a rocket to find you and relay his dad’s very important message.

You could hear the sound of feet thundering closer and closer to you as you sat on the couch finishing up the last few twist in your hair as you watched some Investigation Discovery show. The sound of Dominic sliding on the wooden floor in the hallway makes you turn your head to him.

“Mommy!” He says as he runs around the corner into the living room.

“Um, um, um.” He’s hopping from foot to foot in front of you.

“In and out baby.” You said as you watched him try and catch his breath.

He takes a deep breath in and a slow one out before he starts. “Daddy says um.” He looked like he was deep in concentration trying to remember the message. His thick eyebrows furrowed together in concentration. His bottom lip sticking out just a little bit.

“Um i’ll be back!” and then he was off again.

Bucky knew his son wouldn’t remember and he didn’t blame him, his brain was always on other things, What new toys uncle Tony would have when he visited the tower, What kind of cool things Uncle Clint would show him with his bow and arrow, the cookies you hid in the top shelf that he would let him sneak late at night when he was supposed to be in bed. Too many things going on in his tiny baby boy’s head. So when he ran back in the room Bucky was in he just stood up and followed him to the hallway.

“I messed up and forgot.” He said looking up at Bucky with big water brown eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay I’ll stand right behind here and if you forget just look at me and I’ll help you. Got it?”

“Got it.” He said as he went back to find you still on the couch now completely done with your hair and the TV totally forgotten about.

“Daddy says that um…” he looks behind you and towards where Bucky is silently pleading for help and Bucky doesn’t miss a beat and holds up a picture of Dominic and Natasha.

“Aunty Nat!” He yells in excitement.

“Dad says that Aunty Nat um she…” and then he’s looking back at Bucky again. Bucky runs to his son’s room and grabs his toy replica of the avengers tower.

“The tower! Aunty Nat needs you at the tower mommy.”

“And would you be going to the tower with me?”

“Um I think that…” He looks back at Bucky because that wasn’t a part of the previous conversation. He could see that his son really wanted to go to the tower by the way his brown eyes sparkled but Bucky need his help today so he shock his head no.

“No mommy.” He said shaking his head and running off to Bucky.

“Did I do good?”He practically yelled as they made their way down the hall.

“You did so good.” He whispers and holds his hand out for a high-five.

“Can I pick the song?” Sam asked as he scrolled through buck’s iPod.

“No.” Buck replied not really focused on the man but instead on the clothes around him and his son. He hated clothes shopping with a god damned passion but this was important and he and his son had to look nice. So here he was looking at one of the tiniest button up shirts he’d seen in his life.

“Dude, I guarantee it’s gonna be perfect. She’ll love it.” Sam responded as he kept searching the iPod for the song he had in mind. He knew it was in there somewhere he’d put it on the damn thing.

“What you think bud?” He looked to where his son sat cross legged on the floor with a bag of blueberries in front of him.

“More berries.” He says and Bucky watches as blueberry juice drips out of his mouth and all over his shirt.

“Yep that’s about what I expected out of you.” He looks towards Sam who looks very very hopeful that bucky will say yes.

“Fine,” Sam cheers loudly about to open his mouth to reply to bucky when bucky cuts him off, “But if I don’t like i’m picking my song got it?”

“Got it!” Dom cheered from his spot next to Sam.

“So let me guess you’re my distraction right?” You asked laying across Natasha bed you were incredibly sleepy and could barely keep your eyes open.

“And why would you think such an obviously correct thing?” She said as she finished painting her fingers a deep red.

“Because I was told you needed me here and we’ve done nothing at all for the last hour and a half.” She didn’t say anything back to that only smiled at you and kept doing her nails.

“Let me guess again, since I’m so good. There’s a dress or something here that i’m supposed to somehow squeeze into before I go home?”

“You’re really good.” She says as she takes a qtip with nail polish remover on it and fixes the tiny mistakes on her skin.“ And if it makes you feel any better it’s really pretty and needs hardly any squeezing.”

“Haha.” You roll your eyes at her.

“Let the man enjoy this. He’s trying to surprise you. Act surprised”

“It’s just really hard when hes so bad at planning surprises. This past Christmas he tried to surprise Dom with one of those giant indoor trampolines but he got so excited he gave it to him an hour and a half after he got home with it.” You said as you recalled Bucky practically bouncing in his seat as he tried to keep the excitement off his face.

“It’s his first kid of course he’s excited can you blame him?” The way she said first kid made your stomach tickle and you suppressed the urge to rub at it. It had been two weeks since you found out you were expecting baby number two and the thought of telling Bucky made you feel sick.

You must have been staring off into space because the sound of Natasha clearing her throat brought you back.

“It wasn’t even December yet.” You smiled hopping right back into the conversation and ignoring her questioning gaze at all costs.

When he finally gets back to the house he is immediately greeted by Steve, who had spent the better part of his day running from flower shop to flower shop looking for these damn flowers that he just had to have.

“The living room should be all good to go.” He said as he got up from his kneeling position by the coffee table placing the last of the few white flowers he had just gotten.

“Thanks … Get out.” Bucky says as he goes to put the few bags he has in Dom’s room.

“I really can’t stay and watch, I’m your best friend?” Steve says with full offense evident in his voice as he watches Bucky scurry around the apartment.

“Don’t care. Lock the door on your way out.” He says as he pulls out an all black jersey with bold silver letters, alongside the outfit that Dom would be wearing for the night. A white button up shirt a new pair of jeans that they had just bought earlier that day a pair of black and white converse and a black bow tie to top it all off.

“I bet she would want me to stay and watch.” Steve whined as he twirled one of the many flowers he had bought that day between his fingers. Steve loved you and Dom just as much ( maybe a little less, but only a very little) as bucky. He loved you for helping his best friend have as normal of a life as possible, for giving him the family Bucky had always wanted. For giving Bucky the son he had told Steve he had dreamed about having for years. He loved you like the sister he had always wanted.

“Too bad she’s not here huh?” Bucky asked as he comes back into the living room.

“Fine i’ll leave,” Steve begins as he walks towards the front door, “but you better ask me to be your best man.”

“Tony already called dibs. Sorry buddy.” Bucky yelled after Steve as he walked out of the door.

“WHAT THE FU-” Steve turned on his heel to look at Bucky but was met with the front door being closed in his face.

Bucky let out howl after howl of laughter as he heard his best friend grumble loudly behind the closed door. Steve had to know he was kidding but his reaction none the less was glorious.

“C’mon buddy bath time.” Bucky walked out of the hallway and further into the apartment back to Dom’s room.

“Do I have to get a bath daddy?” Dom asked around a mouth full of blueberries.

“Yes you have to.” Bucky yelled from his son’s room as he got all of the stuff for his bath ready.

“But I don’t wanna.” He said in a sing song like voice and Bucky mentally snorted. He waited to hear the telltale sound of him getting up from his play table and chair and following him to his room.

“But you have to.” Bucky said in a matching singy song voice.

“Why?” He asked as he shoved more blueberries in his mouth.

“Because it’ll make me happy.” That was a good reason right? To make his dad happy.

“Why?”

“Because it’ll make mommy happy.” if making Bucky wasn’t a good enough reason surely making you happy was.

“Why?”

Oh god. Normally Bucky would find this funny when it happened to you. One thing would happen that lead dom down a steep slope of ‘mommy whys’ ‘mommy why are blueberries blue? mommy why don’t we have a dog? mommy why?’ and Bucky would encourage it no matter how many times you told him not to because he loved to watch you explain why. The way your brown eyes would light up at every curious question Dom had. The way you tried not to smiled as you talked about why having a puppy was hard work even though deep down you wanted one too. The way your curls bounced when you laughed as you explained why he couldn’t have pancakes for every meal. He would always laugh and tell you how adorable it was to watch you two together. But now he’s regretting all the times he had told his son to ask you a question because it’s blowing up in his face and he can’t get mad because it’s his very own fault.

“Because if you don’t I’m gonna have to call the Captain on you.”

“No Uncle Steve only gets the bad guys! I’m not the bad guy daddy!”

“Bad guys don’t take baths and you don’t wanna take a bath.” Bucky says nonchalantly as he walks to the bathroom to start the water.

Dominic sits on his bed and thinks about it for a long while before he finally walks into the bathroom with his arms in the air ready for Bucky to take his shirt off.

“Fine.” he grumbles out.

The bath took far longer than Buck had anticipated it too. Dominic insisting the entire time that he could wash himself and for buck not to help him. So bucky was resigned to making sure he got every bit of himself clean without touching his son only pointing a finger here and there as he ever so slowly washed his entire body from head to toe. What felt like an hour of sitting on the hard bathroom floor later Bucky heard his son finally drop the wash rag into the water.

“All done?” He asked.

“Yes.” Dom said as he stretched out his arms for bucky.

Bucky grabbed the big fluffy purple towel from doms bathroom drawer and held it out so he could wrap his son and take him to his room to get dressed.

He grabbed the chair, a hard hair brush, 2 scrunchies and the bottle of leave in conditioner you always used when you did your sons hair and set them down fully ready to take this battle head on. He had done Dom’s hair a good 5 times maybe and every time you told him he did a fantastic job, but you weren’t here now.

“Let’s do this son.” Bucky grabbed a single latex glove to put on his left hand just so the hair wouldn’t get caught between the metal plates of his hand and tug at the curly hair. He took a t-shirt and tossed it on his son’s head to make sure his hair was mostly dry.

It takes a good 25 minutes to brush through all of Dom’s hair making sure and sure again that there are no surprise knots anywhere.

“What are we doing today up or down?”

“Um.” He hums thinking for a few second about what his answer should be and then with the biggest smile he could give he told Buck exactly what he wanted.

You’re in the middle of taking down the last few twists you have left when Natasha’s voice draws your attention. When you turn to look at her she’s staring directly at you.

“You have a secret.” She says as she watches you for any inclination that you do have a secret to tell her.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talkin’ about.” You turn your attention back to your hair and away from the redhead before she draws any information out of you.

“I think you do know and if I tried hard enough I bet I could get it out of you.” She gets up and stalks towards you fully ready to find out the secret she’s sure you have. There’s a beat and then she’s standing right behind you.

“You can try as hard as you want but there’s no secret to get out of me.” You turn to look at her dead in the eyes because fuck that. She isn’t getting a damn thing out of you and if you have to stand there and look at her for 3 days straight you damn sure will. Screw her.

“Barnes teach you to lie like that? It’s almost convincing.” She says as stares intensely into your deep brown eyes hoping for a spark or hint of anything but comes back empty handed. She stares at you, all of you to see if there a twitch to your eye, a quiver of your bottom lip, a clenched fist anything. But you’re stone like and unrelentingly.

“It must be a good secret.” She says as she hands you the tiny rat-tail comb off of the counter you use to fluff your hair out.

“There’s no secret so it can’t be good.” You turn away from her to finish putting the last bit of oil in your hair but you can still feel her eyes on you. Your heart is pounding and you know it’s loud can hear and feel it in your ears.

When you make it home the first thing you notice as you walk closer to your door is that all the lights in the living room are on. Which is unusual for a multitude of reasons but mostly because whenever Bucky and Dom are home alone they tend to spend their time in your room. The next thing is the small curly head peeking behind the blinds. You keep making your way towards your door when you hear your favorite voice.

“I can’t reach it!” You hear Dom yell and then you hear the sound of what you can only assume is Bucky running to help him open it.

“Thank you daddy.”

“Sshh.” Bucky tries to whisper.

“Oh!” You can almost picture the way your son nods his head vigorously. Then you hear Bucky’s feet retreating back to where he was to begin with and the door squeaks open.

When the door opens you look down too see your son standing there and your heart melts. His hair is brushed back and into a low puffy bun almost identical to the ones Bucky constantly has, he’s wearing a white button down long sleeve shirt with a tiny black bow tie and jeans. He is damn adorable and it takes a lot out of you to not cry at the sight.

“You looks so handsome son.”

“Thank you mommy, follow me please.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the odd politeness he was showing. He was being a tiny little gentleman.

You could just about make out the sound of music from the living room. It was low and smooth and the closer you got to the living room you started to recognize the song more and more until you finally go there and knew the song immediately.

See first of all I know these so-called playas wouldn’t tell you this But I'ma be real and say what’s on my heart Let’s take this chance and make this love feel relevant Didn’t you know I loved you from the start, yeah

The room was covered from top to bottom in purple roses. There was only a small path on the floor that didn’t have roses on it that lead to the center of the room. So you followed it.

When I think about all these years we put in this relationship Who knew we’d make it this far? When I think about where we would I be if we were to just fall apart And I just can’t stand the thought of leaving you

You don’t hear his footsteps walk towards you. You never do and it’s always annoying how such a large person can walk so quietly. So when you hear him clear his throat you jump almost a full 2 feet in the air.

“Did I scare you?” He asked as he tried his hardest to cover up his laugh with a cough.

“You always do!!” You should be used to it but you aren’t and it sucks every single time.

“So what’s all of this about?” You knew. The song, the flowers, the way Dom was dressed, you would have to be a literal fucking peanut to not know what was happening.

“Well, I figured since you were out numbered you’d wanna join the winning team.” He said with the biggest grin on his face.

“The winning team?” You cocked your head to look at him. One hand your hip waiting for an answer.

“DADDY! I’M STUCK!!” You heard your son frantically yell before bucky could answer you.

“Do you need help baby?” You asked but before you could go and check Bucky was already heading to get him.

“Stay absolutely stil-” Bucky was cut off before he could finish his sentence by aloud bump followed by a soft ‘ow’ and you couldn’t help but let out a snort. Bucky smiled at you before he jogged off to help Dom.

You were about to take a step forward to follow but he quickly put a stop to that idea

“Nope. I’ll be right back.” And then he was gone.

You paced the floor knowing what he was gonna ask when he came back and you were beyond nervous. You could feel your stomach twist in every direction the more you thought about telling Bucky you were pregnant. A far away part of you knew he was gonna be happy and excited about having a baby. But you couldn’t help but feel nervous. What if he just outright didn’t want them? How would you explain to Dom why you and bucky weren’t together anymore if he didn’t want them? If he didn’t want you all?

“Okay doll ask again.” Bucky said as he jogged from the back room back to you.

“What?” You were pulled from your thoughts so suddenly you forgot what was happening.

“Ask about the winning team one more time.” He could practically hear the grin on his face. He was such a doof, but you loved him. God did you love him

“What winning team honey?” You couldn’t help but smile at how excited he was. Even if on the inside you were practically dying.

“TEAM BARNES!” You heard your son yell as he rushed from out of his room. He was wearing an all black jersey with ‘TEAM BARNES’ in giant letters on the back.

“I knew I wanted to marry you since the night you gave birth to Dominic.” Oh god! You weren’t ready to hear him say these things. “I knew when I first heard you laugh I would want to hear it for the rest of my life.” He was just a little behind you and you knew that if you turned around completely you wouldn’t be able to keep your cool, but you never really could around him. “I knew it when I had my first nightmare in front of you and you just held me against you. Even though you were 8 months pregnant and could barely move, you held me as close as you could with your big belly and whispered that I wasn’t alone anymore, that I had you and the baby with me always, that I didn’t have to deal with this by myself anymore.” God dammit Barnes!

You couldn’t bring yourself to focus on the rest of his speech to focused on the ‘what ifs’ your brain wouldn’t stop firing off. What if he thought all the things HYDRA did to him was too much for two kids. What if being an Avenger was already too much with just Dom. It wasn’t fair to put him in a situation like that.You had to give him the opportunity to back out if he wanted to. Sure he had said many times that Dom was one of the best things in his life, but what if he changed his mind after you said you were pregnant with a second baby.

Meet me in the altar in your white dress We ain’t gettin no younger, we might as well do it been feeling all the while girl I must confess Girl let’s just get married I just wanna get married.

“Will you marry me?” He asked as he dropped down to one knee.

You wanted to tell him sooner rather than later. Before you were too big to hide, before you were supposed to squeeze into a dress, before… before you forced him into something you weren’t sure he wanted.

“Of course Buck!” It came out too easy too fast. But you loved the idea of having Bucky as a fiancee as a husband. So much so that it distracted you briefly from the wagging war inside your own head. When you turned around the rest of the way Dom was jumping up and down in excitement and Bucky was eye level with your belly.

He slowly slides the polished silver ring onto your finger. You are both shaking messes so it takes a good minute for him to finally get it on and when it finally makes it to the base of your finger you can’t help but stare at it and how it glows against your brown complexion.

“Buck…” Your voice is watery and not because of how stunning the ring is. As soon as the word leaves your lips he’s wrapped around you in a second hugging you and kissing your cheeks.

“You’re gonna look so beautiful in a wedding dress doll.”

It was your engagement party with the team a full 2 weeks after Bucky had proposed to you and you still hadn’t told him yet. The time just never seemed right. The night he proposed you were both to caught up in the excitement of it all and it didn’t seem right. You had just wanted to spend your time together before too many people were in your face.. Then you had flown back home to celebrate the engagement with your family and the time still didn’t seem right. There was always someone around when you wanted to tell him. You loved your family too the moon and back but that week you wanted nothing more then to have lasers beams shoot from your eyes when ever they interrupted you.

You are standing by one of the many bars Tony has at the tower sipping on a virgin pink panther. There aren’t many people here which you are incredibly thankful for. Knowing Tony and parties you had expected there to people from floor to ceiling. Luckily somebody, maybe Pepper or Steve, had talked him into only having just the avengers and a few of the agents you and Bucky were particularly close to.

“No alcohol for you tonight?” Natasha asked as she approached you sipping ever so subtly at her clear drink.

“You never know when my kid is gonna come runnin’ up and steal a sip. Gotta be prepared.”

“Well if you can’t have your own you can always have a sip of mine.” She said as she moved the strong liquor closer to you. It smelled horrid and made your already nausea stomach even worse.

She watched you with an arched eyebrow as you pushed her glass away from you.

“No thanks I’ve never really been a vodka kinda girl..” You took a sip of your overly pink drink to try and calm your stomach.

“Well if mine won’t do how about,” You watched as she looked around the room for something and then her eyes lit up, “How about Thor’s drink?” and then she was motioning for the asgardian to come over to you.

“Hello!” His booming voice shouted as he got closer to you both.

“Hey Thor, Y/N here can’t have a proper alcoholic drink with Dom running around trying to have a sip,” She began to explain and the more she talked the more aware of her plans you became, “So we were wondering if she could have a sip of yours?”

“Certainly!” He shouted as he moved his glass of almost pitch black liquor directly into your chest. It smelled like paint thinner and gasoline. The second after you smelled the drink you made a break for the nearest room with a bathroom to let everything go.

“I fucking knew it you liar!” Natasha shouted through gritted teeth as she helped you up from the bathroom floor so you could walk to the bed just a short distance away.

“Natasha.” You whined as you laid on the bed in the spare room clutching your aching stomach.

“Shouldn’t you be all excited for the new baby and your engagement? You’ve been moping around for weeks.”

“What if he doesn’t want it though?” You asked solemnly.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“What if one kid is enough for him? One kid that he’s taking care of that he didn’t even help create? What if he’s only helping me out with Dom because he felt sorry for me?” You were going to have a panic attack or throw up you couldn’t really be sure but you felt something coming up.

“So the way he acts with Dom doesn’t show you he would want another one?” She was rubbing your back at this point. Her way of apologizing for making you puke you guessed. You couldn’t really be sure she was hard to read.

“It’s different he knew going into this I was pregnant with Dominic already. There were no surprises.”

“So you think he didn’t know you would get pregnant when he came inside of you.”

“That sounds disgusting don’t say it like that i’m gonna throw up.” You turned your head further into the soft pillow trying to distract yourself from what she was saying

“Barnes came, nutted, finished, dumped his load, busted, planted his seed, creamed, ejaculated, inside of you.” She said as she watched you and full belly laughs.

Hearing her say all that made your stomach turn and you made a beeline for the bathroom again.

“I’m gonna get you water don’t move.” She yelled to you from behind the bathroom door.

“I know you’re going to get Bucky don’t lie to me.” You yelled over the sound of the toilet flushing.

“You lied to me it’s only fair.” And then she was gone.

You splashed cold water on your face once you heard her leave the room and put your curls up into a bun at the top of your head. It was far from perfect you had curls falling out from every side but it didn’t matter your mouth tasted disgusting and you need to brush your teeth.

When you were done and didn’t taste like your breakfast and lunch mixed together you made your way back into the spare the bedroom and sat crossed legged on the bed waiting. Waiting to get sick again, waiting for bucky to finally show up. Just waiting.

You were startled when you heard the sound of heavy feet making their way closer to the room you were in. You knew it was Bucky so you weren’t scared that they were gonna get hurt.

“Doll?” Bucky asked as he came in the room with a bottle of water.

“I… I mean we…” You hadn’t even looked up at him yet but you were already stumbling over your words trying to explain it to him. Where the hell did you start when you were telling your fiancee something that you were sure would ruin everything.

“Doll please talk to me,” He started, “Natasha said it was important if you don't… if you don’t wanna get married that’s okay. I understand if I’m no-”

“No I wanna get married … To you I mean. I wanna marry you.”

“Then tell me what’s goin’ on doll.” He kneeled in front of holding your hands in his. Twisting your engagement ring ever so slightly

“I… We uh…” How they hell did so many people do this every single day.

“I have never had to do this before and it’s a little nerve wracking.” You let out a water laugh that was mostly tears.

“Doll?” He squeezed your hand

You took a shaky deep breath before you finally just let it out.

“I’m pregnant buck.” When you were pregnant with dom you only had to tell your family that you were pregnant. So now having to tell buck that you were expecting was unimaginably difficult.“I’m so sor-”

“WERE HAVING A BABY!?” He shot up from his position in front of you.

“Do you know what this means?” He asks as he paced the floor.

“You … you aren’t mad?” You asked after doing s double take.

“Why would I be? Doll this is one of the best days of my life.”

You couldn’t help the wet sobs that came from you. “I thought you wouldn’t want … because Dom and…” you couldn’t even get all the words out.

“Doll, I love you. I love Dom. If I didn’t I wouldn’t I would have been long gone by now. I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I didn’t love you both. I’m so lucky to have met you and even lucky to have had the opportunity to help you raise our wonderful son.”

Why you had ever thought he would be mad is beyond you so you would chalk that up to raging pregnancy hormones.

“Oh no.”

“What Buck?” You asked as your heart dropped a little.

“What if the baby is a girl? She’s gonna look just like you. Her hair is gonna be just as bouncy and curly. Her eyes are gonna be just as deep and mesmerizing. God she’ll probably have your laugh. I’m gonna have to fight off so many people that wanna date her! Doll I’m a hundred years old I can’t take this.”

“You’ll be fine.” You told him as you pushed him down to lay on the bed with you.

It was quite as you both laid in silence. Buckys hand occasionally drawing stars on your stomach and you humming a tune that you weren’t even sure you really knew, but you were happy and content to just lay in bed and to finally be able to bask in the excitement of being engaged and pregnant.

“What if it’s twins?!” He asked as his arm wrapped tighter around you.

#leeah writes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x black reader #james bucky barnes x reader #black reader #woc reader #poc reader #marvel x reader #bucky x you #spoiler alert: its not twins

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