#black girls read too

[inspirethetribe]

Inspire the Tribe ‘Smokey’ Inspired Bookmarks available now on the site. Wethetribe.bigcartel.com

#shari renee #inspirethetribe #inspire the tribe #we the tribe #Smokey #Smokey Friday #bookish #bookmarks #dope books #books #black girls read too #dc blogger #shop small #shop black #black woman owned #black owned

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

No time to play. You are being sent away.

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#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #yu ziyuan #jiang yanli #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #Do you know how hard it was to *not* do a 'Sold To One Direction' spoof comic? It took nearly all my will power. #Mostly because it misaligns a little too far off from the canon events and vibes. #But sit with me for a moment. Consider it: #“BEEP BEEP BEEP. I threw my pillow at my alarm clock. ”Wei Wuxian get your lazy ass downstairs!“ Yu Ziyuan yelled. #I ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror to see my grey orbs staring back at me. #I put my long straight black hair in a ponytail with a red ribbon. #I went downstairs to see my adoptive mother holding a bottle of vodka and a cigarette. #'Listen up whore! I need money to pay the bills so I sold you. Your new owners will be here any minute so go pack!' #I stormed upstairs. There was no way I was going to let her sell me to a creepy old man! #I decided to run away. Since I'm not like other girls I don't have very many friends. #My gay friend Lan Zhan was mean but he lived like a block away. #As I opened the door I saw Wen Chao blocking the door. 'Ello Love. We're your new owners!' #I rolled my eyes and pushed him. 'Aren't you from that stupid Wen Sect? There's no way in hell I'm going with you!' #Hey again. It's me the OP of this blog taking a pause. I haven't actually read this story before aside from the memes #and I am honestly reeling from how this watpad fic chapter ends. What do you mean one of the one direction boys chloroforms her??? #Chapter 2 is so much worse #Why is there such a strong focus on the *eyes* of every boy!!! #This fanfic is a horror story actually. I came into it trying to make a funny parody but I got in over my head. Dear God. #It's me again. Several minutes have passed and I'm on chapter 4. What the FUCK is going on here? #I feel like I opened up pandora's box hoping for a fun little treat and got the plauge upon me. Dont read this fic.

[eddie4bat-president]

I'm not a writer but i had this thought so- bear with me, yeah?

For months Eddie hears all about how cool and badass Steve Harrington is, yeah, but you know what he also hears about? How Steve and Robin are made for each other and how cool and pretty Robin is and how stupid it is that they're not a couple for some dumb reason, like Steve not wanting to be with a band geek and still clinging to high school hierarchy. And in all of the things Dustin says about Steeeve Harrington, that last part is the only thing that fits into the Munson Doctrine, so obviously everything else Henderson is saying is what's skewed in his little shrimp world view.

Steve Harrington thinks he's better than a band geek and that's why we won't look twice at a girl that would be perfect for him (according to Dustin Henderson, so... still questionably trustworthy information). Eddie probably assumes Dustin is talking up how close Steve and Robin actually are, just how he's exaggerating how close Dustin himself is to Harrington (like that would impress Eddie and the rest of Hellfire??? He really doesn't know how to get through to the little sheep that his worship of Hawkins' most notorious square is a detriment to his character and not something Eddie would find impressive. If it was real. Which it obviously isn't. Anyway-)

Turns out? Steve Harrington? Actually a cool dude. Not cool as in popular but cool as in "holy shit did he just bite that thing's head off???? Oh and he's not even gonna brag about that, it's just nbd, yeah sure, cool cool cool be fucking cool Eddie, oh god he's talking to me why is he talking to me" and just, chill to hang out with. After the whole shit show went down. Who would have fucking thought, huh? (except for Dustin Henderson, yeah yeah yeah, shut up)

So now Eddie has to reevaluate some other assumptions he made. Maybe Dustin was right and Steve actually is cool and badass, and he and Buckley actually are as close as he had said (and they really fucking are! He has seen them give Keith eerily matching bitchy looks for trying to schedule them on opposing shifts and basically bully the guy into changing the schedule around so they can spend as much time as possible in each other's presence. It's enough to make a guy question his own friendships when sometimes a few hours of band practice are enough to make him want to never see any of those chucklefucks again. Of course, that feeling abates but seriously, how are those two never sick of each other??)

So if they're as close as advertised but not a couple (and after meeting everyone Steve cares about and they're basically all nerds so the "Harrington thinks he's too good for a band geek" thing can't actually hold true-) what is the hold-up? Why aren't they a couple? And somehow, somehow Eddie comes to the conclusion that Steve is in love with Robin. Steve is a serial romantic (emphasis on romantic) and while his love life isn't the talk of the town post-earthquakes as it would have been before, people do still talk about the fact that he hasn't taken out a girl since it happened.

Which brings us to a day in summer, maybe fall, after Eddie has seen Steve look wistfully at a young couple with a baby, that he shows up at Robin's door step.

"Eddie? Hey what's up?"

"Good, good, how are you? Uhh can I... can I come in?" There's a nervous energy around him that is immediately infectious and she leads him to the living room where he immediately starts walking back and forth in front of the couch. She watches him for a moment, hands fluttering through different motions trying to find one that might calm him down before giving up on that. Instead Robin swerves around him, clambering onto the couch and wrapping her arms around her right leg, putting her head on her knee. She follows Eddie's path with her eyes and decides to wait before quickly realizing that she can't, actually.

"As riveting as it is watching you walk a groove into my parents' rug, do you maybe want to say something? I mean I can definitely talk enough for the both if us if that's what you want it's just that I have the slight suspicion you've got something you need to get off your chest" Eddie stopped walking halfway through her monologue and starts nodding.

"Yeah. Yeah yeah yes you're right it's just- I haven't a hundred percent made up my mind about saying something", Eddie has one arm wrapped around himself and uses the other to alternately play with his hair and gesticulate at her, "because on the one hand it's a little bit driving me crazy, maybe, but on the other hand this is none of my fucking business" And Robin who was worried at first just because Eddie is nervous, then for a second because she was scared he was going to confess to a very ill-advised crush on her, is stumped. What the fuck is this about and why did it bring him to her of all people?

"Just say it you weirdo", is what decides to comes out of her mouth but it doesn't even matter because half of her sentence is layered with his "Are you aware Steve is in love with you?"

[here we're facing the issue of me not actually being a writer and pretty much running out of steam but we also haven't reached the part that sparked this whole thing yet, which is wild - let's just pretend I wrote a very funny dialogue between those two in which Eddie confronts Robin for stringing poor Steve along ]

There's a moment when they're both silent and there's a moment when they're both talking and then there are steps coming down the stairs. They make a smirk grow on Robin's face that is starting to worry Eddie when not a parental figure but Steve Harrington steps through the doorway. He's wearing sweatpants and a shirt that might be Robin's and there's a headband pushing his hair away from his face.

"Don't yell at me for coming downstairs, you took forever and the first layer... is... dry....", he stops in his tracks the moment he looks up from his bare toes and sees Eddie. Then he very quickly rips off the headband and slings it somewhere to his right into the unknown of the hallway.

"Hi Eddie. What's... up" Eddie is going to sink into the floor and never come up for air again.

In the meantime Robin stood up on the couch to sit cross-legged on the back of it for a better vantage point and is steepling her fingers in front of her face. Eddie is getting the distinct impression he's missing some crucial information here.

"Stevie, babe, platonic love of my life-", Steve nods for her to go on, "you know how we decided I get a veto on your romantic life because we realized droves of suboptimal dates actually make you miserable so we're going for quality over quanity for the first time in your small-town Casanova life?" Steve has that cute little crease between his eyebrows while he's looking back and forth between Eddie and Robin, trying to figure out what's going on but he rolls his eyes at the end of her sentence, back in familiar territory. "Yes, Robin-"

She interrupts: "And you know how I also reserved the right to give a shovel slash molotov cocktail talk to anyone we deemed worthy of being a potential future partner?" Steve's face somehow shows an emotion that can only be encapsulated by "?!" as he glances to Eddie before shifting back to Robin with just the "?" remaining.

"First I have to say I'm personally very pro, I loved this experience; Eddie here really made a fool of himself, very worried for your delicate sensibilities and how I'm breaking your sweet little heart." "...what...?"

"So: what's the verdict on a potential future partner giving me the shovel talk?"

#Robin had painted 7 of Steve toes when Eddie rang the doorbell btw #they're a dark blue because Steve didn't want to jump into the deep end with too feminine a color #but black felt too edgy #but while they were drying and on the way down he kept looking at them and thinking #''i don't think this is my color... maybe a light blue? no too baby boy. yellow? nah that's ugly. orange? wait maybe with a stripe? #can nails be striped...?'' so when he arrived downstairs he was starting to worry he had never looked at a girl's nails because he didn't #know and whether that was sexist somehow #he had to shift gears very quickly when he arrived downstairs is what i'm saying #anyway i cannot stress enough how much i am not a writer #but the thing with the reverse shovel talk came to me and it wanted out #platonic stobin #steddie fic #steddie #hey i'm talkin' here #robin buckley #steve harrington #eddie munson #not beta read #top posts

[avallachs]

dancer in the dawn.

#** #ocs tag #oc: varinia #final fantasy xiv #ffxivedit #gpose #viera #rava viera #i left my dps until last but idr why. i levelled all my healers first bc they're my faves and i have no concept of best for last lol #i recently finished casters which i hated <3 i have only properly played red mage and black mage tho #i levelled summoner through scholar & only used it for job quests #and i liked black mage but not rdm ya girl is Not a caster <3 #anyway it;s time for phys ranged & we're starting with dancer so here's my silly rabbit dancing on a log #i spent months looking for this spot after i saw a friend on twitter pose here but was too shy to ask where #and when i found it i felt so silly bc it's in such an obvious spot #if u read this entire ramble umm hi <3

[samipekoe]

do you like izutsumi?

I do! she's so cool...I'm really curious to hear her voice in the anime

#at first i read this as are you like izutsumi and i was like huh..im too old for that #anyway short shaggy black hair cat girl? i would never...

[lordgolden]

the beginning of the poppy war is too real for me so far higher academia and high stakes tests are truly a poison to living

#I’m like yeah hahah relatable this all makes sense 🤠 #she’s like I don’t remember the test and don’t want to. girl me too I remember like two seconds of the bar #blacked it all out #the fear of failure ouguhhh TOO REALLLL #Sarah reads the poppy war #the poppy war

[mischief-marauders]

James (whispering): Maybe they didn’t see us-

Firenze (standing with a pack of angry centaurs): Come out and face us wizards! For your transgressions, a battle to the death will be fit!

Remus (hissing): I told you idiots that trying to ride a centaur was a stupid idea. Sirius, go fight them!

Sirius (scowling): Why me?

Remus: Because you’re British

Sirius:

Remus (angrily): Five of you colonized half the world, I’m sure you can handle some centaurs

Sirius (angrily): And what about you two?

Remus (stares in *Irish*)

James (scowls in *Indian*)

Sirius (sighing and walking to the centaurs): Well fuck. Tell my mother I hate her.

#y’all it’s a just a joke pls don’t read too much into it #source: derry girls #sirius black #hogwarts #james potter #remus lupin #incorrect marauders quotes #marauders #young marauders #marauders era

[sendmyresignation]

something I've been thinking about lately. i do think it's incredibly telling that almost 80 percent of the conversations around 'gatekeeping' and 'posers' and shit end up just becoming vitriolic hatred of 'alt girls' like i hate shit spotify playlists and dollskill fake leather edge and tiktok recommendations as much as the next person but this is a very big attitude coming from a website full of people who spent their formative middle school years shopping at hot topic for multi-colored skinny jeans while listening to like. falling in reverse or 21p unironically (this is a self-own btw). first of all teenagers having shit taste isn't killing punk music. but also why is the object of your hatred always boil down to a woman faking it? as if it isn't the single oldest stereotype in heavy music? like am i insane for thinking this is an issue

#like theres another dimensionality for sure about how some women do position themselves as like 'weird' when they split-dye their hair #and wear black. and are in actuality conventionally attractive and posturing #like as a dyke metalhead that can be legitimately frustrating but also i dont think this is an issue of poserism #a lot of those women do for real listen to heavy music. #its very similar to like. those metal frontwomen who do like mag calender photoshoots for 'sexiest ladies in rock' #like theyre very much not the issue and its weird to shift the blame onto them for playing the game #and its even more fucked imo to question their allegiance to 'the scene' because it just warps into #every misogynist talking point about how women are 'too pretty'to play guitar or get sweaty in the pit or whatever #ANYWAY there is literally never this much attention given to like rym poser dudes with no brain that theyve become their own #evil subcategory of 'fake alt girl' when men are selling out to make much worse shit pop punk all the time lmaooooo #been thinking about this since i read laina dawes memoir which whil on one hand v good is so inredibly peoccupied #with other women in metal spaces. implying that those who dress sexy to go to shows do it entirely for the attention of men and are #'bad role models' left a bad taste in my mouth #my posts

[grape-v1nes]

as a marauders fan, everytime sirius shows up in a drarry fic it feels like a weird nickelodeon crossover episode

#it’s like watching zack and cody and suddenly hannah montana shows up like #omg hey girl whatre you doing here??? #it’s even more rare for me too bc all the drarry i read is ewe #so like.. hes dead and gone already #marauders #harry potter #sirius black #drarry #draco malfoy #marauders era #sirius #harry potter fanfiction

[chloeseyeliner]

another afternoon goes by. another evening is coming soon. another day is already inviting us to get lost in it; yet, i am still stuck on the same torturing question.

who is one of the most beautiful men you have seen in your life and why is it omar rudberg?

#it sucks that i don't have photo evidence #but there are plently omar photos around here #just fyi #i am not attracted to omar because i am ✨asexual✨ so i naturally cannot lol #aesthetic attraction is going places with this man though #if someone asks me about my sexuality every i'll just say #i am romantically attracted to wonderful girls i become close with #black cat and golden retriever boys #cool people with amazing personalities in between #and ALSO aesthetically attracted to omar rudberg in moving like that mv because DAMN i wanna be this pretty #and he is so beautiful and talented and confident #so yeah thanks for reading this rant if you did #sometimes i wonder #should i have a podcast? #because i have too many words inside my head that never come out and i want them to ugh #lol #i mean not just for fandoms #words as regards life and the sociology analysis behind things and politics and books and- #omar rudberg #young royals #*plenty of (for the first tag)

[luvring]

just complained about my group to my irls and i'm pretty sure this has genuinely motivated me to speak in class because i Cannot let my prof think my critical thinking abilities are the same as theirs

#💬nia.rambles #rant fr// #guys im srsly sick thinking about it #LIKE THERE WERE SO MANY MOMENTS WHERE I WAS JUST ?? #'im not saying to beat your kid black and blue but discipline is different across cultures and #i just dont think this should be an area of exploration like its worked for hundreds of years' #? YOU AS A WOMAN OF COLOUR HAVE NEVER HEARD OF INTERGENERATIONAL TRAUMA? #like why are you implying you dont like gentle parenting why are you making a strawman DONT PISS ME OFF #then white guy speaking way too loud to my right is throwing in words he DOESNT understand and saying the same things over and over #'from a Sociological Contemporary perspective' be serious. 'it comes back to nature vs nurture again' Can you Stop Tlalkingplapewmj #and i bring up gender and he goes smth smth gender is just such a sensitive topic then the 2 other girls Agree #and they wouldnt let me talk and even if i did they obviously wouldnt know what i was talking about #because why are you asking what post structuralism is THAT WAS A MAIN TOPIC AND DEFINITION OF LAST CLASS??? 😭😭 #they wouldnt answer the question properly and repeat the same basic vaguely connected ideas the Entire time #like do i look like i gaf abt different body standards/expectations for football players MOVE ON ITS BEEN 10 MINUTES #like i want to talk about enforced binaries in queer spaces and Oh my god i just remembered #they were like. lgbt studies/discussion is just so recent and i was like. Its literally discussed In the reading. but None of u finished it #OHH IM PISSED OFF. IM SO PISSED OFF #and im so mad bc the discussion q's were Good and if i was w my irls wed have such a good convo but NO!!!! #whatever. Whatever im going to start raising my hand in class im so fr i got lightheaded complaining about this IMSOMADBSJF

[sskk-manifesto]

Omg I actually enjoyed this episode quite a bit!!!

#It wasn't... Particularly extraordinary but it still felt almost meeting the season 4 standard #Things are still going super super fast 😭😭 #Like it may be that I'm just... Slow to process info but I seriously feel like I can't keep up with what they say #I can't believe at this point they've basically caught up with the manga 😭😭 #In the next ep they'll reach the moment when *I* caught up with the manga when I read bsd for the first time which is just insane to me. #Like my brain can't conceive it #It's such a shame to think that means we aren't getting another bsd anime season for another five years... My heart cries #Even more since at this point it's probably going to stop right before sskk meet again and it's going to be so frustrating for me #But the Aya / Bram scenes were so cute!!! In them I felt like the pace was actually okay for the first time since forever. #It may be that they weren't very information packed so they kind of flew smoothly but I thought the pace was enjoyable– #and the animation too was pretty good!!! #There's always a black shadow wrapping my heart tight whenever I notice the animation gets better– #because I can't help but mourn what the sskk fight could have been and can't stop the resentment... #But in the end I'm happy if the budget goes to a little girl that's what she deserves :') #In the next episode we're probably going to get a little Atsushi screentime too!!!! #Man I'm so starved for Atsushi screentime every time he appears on screen for 0.06 seconds there's a whole crowd cheering in my head #random rambles

[todayisafridaynight]

so magical that yakuza 1 and shadow the hedgehog came out the same year........ 2005 the best year for sega honestly.....

#snap chats #AND DAYS APART TOO IN JAPAN (rgg1 dec. 8 while shadow was dec. 15) #the gap is significantly wider for US releases but thats not important..... #japanese kids were winning on christmas i swear #'snap why are you bringing this up' isnt it obvious. i am playing shadow the hedgedhog #and i keep thinking about daigo playing shadow and then later down the line just talking to mine bout it cause he can be a lil sillay #i hope he had dreams where he and shadow got to be besties. and by Him And Shadow i mean he dreams himself as sonic #because obligatory Same VA Joke Is Obligatory IF WE CAN GET ONE (1) W FROM RCS VOICING DAIGO. LET IT BE THAT AT LEAST. #for me..... let it slide for me..... yes ik it was jason griffith voicing sonic (and shadow) back then but let it slide this once.. #i refuse to acknowledge modern shadow. unless it's from that one uhhh fuck what was the cartoon called #its on netflix Point Is the one time shadow was actually like his old self girl i sobbed. too bad sonic was a dipshit though #a soul for a soul ig.... i think its ok just this once.... #im getting so off topic but this is how i inflict my other interests upon you lot #i trap you into reading a post vaguely about rgg and then i make it about something else :) #look at my pfp you fool. i legally have to talk about shadow the hedgehog like once a month ok let me have this #while im here. like /i/ know this game is nine years long but sometimes i forget HOW long #326 endings and for what. because they love me thats why. #fym 'revenge at last' is only ending 11 that seems like the third route or so you'd take (only black doom missions) #ok ive talked long enough. anyway bye im gonna uhhhh god idk.... i keep getting distracted #i started watching kagerou while my sister was playing mysims the other day but i got too engrossed by her playing to continue #mysims was like. A White Whale of sorts in my house for a while since it was one of like five games my sis actually played #and it was her fave but one day 1.) we lost it 2.) our wii stopped working. since that day she's blamed me for losing it #WELL then i found it and i got the wii u working SO all that can stop now 👁️👁️ ok ive fr gone on too long #unfortunately i cant talk about EVERYTHING i want to lest i just turn this into a general games blog. but i wont i prommy #for now. bye fr i think my sis just got home actually LMAO

[dropkicks]

can't believe i ever let people convince me brown eyes weren't beautiful

#big round brown eyes that sparkle with emotion #sharp brown eyes that are piercing and knowing #brown eyes that look black until the light hits them just right #light browns that remind you of marbles in the sunlight #i read so many things. heard so many times #people calling them boring #comparing them to mud and dirt and shit #i hated my eye colour and would be so distressed because i couldn't wear contacts either #so many girls i knew as a teenager wore colour contacts #because they felt that brown was boring and ugly #(there's a lot of race shit there too but we won't get into that) #brown eyes are so fucking gorgeous goddamn!!!

[dockaspbrak]

you know, i dont know a single other person i could tell about this dmitri thing except my girlfriend and i basically just reeled her to opera after a lot of "no no its ok its not that serious its just pretty soap opera plotlines its nice its silly dont take it that seriously" for awhile ughguhtorroijg honestly its a shame im sorry if it seems pretentious i assure you its really not something im proud of liking i just think its silly and fun. like games youd play as a kid but if theres x100 the drama and a soundtrack made just for it. affairs and murders....i wish it was less held up as fancy and unreachable literally anyone could like it you dont need a degree or anything

#ive read fanfics more complicated than opera plots #alas......maybe i could talk my dad into it? no he barely wants to talk to me anyway #people who really like poetry probably get the feeling like. maybe its how earnest and emotional it is thats off putting #idk im clearly having some kind of weird feelings about this #personal #opera #shakespeare too shouldnt be perceived as so high and mighty to like but yet it is....even as english majors there was this cock of a girl #who was bragging about reading othello in middle school....like girl who cares but you definitely didnt understand it? no self awareness #fucking asshole god im so glad i never have to speak to her again she was the worst. had those black eyes like a doll and bright pale skin

[feenixmork]

Something interesting about watching Utena AFTER already being a fan of a few Utena-like shows is how much less captivating the duels get after the first 12 episodes (peak fiction)

I have a lot of smaller complaints about the black rose arc that made it terrible to watch, but the repetitive entirely impersonal fights is a big one. Utena has no reason to fight the people she's fighting. THEY don't have a reason to fight Utena. And they don't ever make a point out of that like they almost do with the first black rose duel (Kanae being pitted against Anthy because somewhere way deep down in her mind she blames Anthy for her fiance not giving her any attention? Not knowing Anthy is a victim of Akio's herself? And a man in power uses that to further his own goals? Yeah there's A Point there, even if it doesn't come up for the rest of the arc)

I'm still only at the beginning of the next arc so I'm hoping it'll be better. It's at least got a bit more visual spectacle, but it is always. The same spectacle. The cars are cool but they don't even change color or models or anything, at least the black rose arc tables had character-relevant props on them? They've still not really got anything to do with Utena or Anthy. Utena still wins all the time because she Has To or else the plot won't work. It's too important for her to be the top duelist for her to lose. Except whenever eventually (hopefully) she has to lose for an emotional low point to happen.

Anyways back to my point uhhh GOD I MISS THE DUELS FROM REVUE STARLIGHT AND GUNDAM:THE WITCH FROM MERCURY

Vague spoilers for both btw (also I'm not claiming they're better shows overall, definitely not Revue Starlight as much as I love love love it, and Witch From Mercury is only really better for 1 season+a bit of season 2)

Revue Starlight doesn't make the stakes of the duels so high that the protagonist has to Always win, so I don't just entirely mentally check out of them for that. The conflicts are all personal and/or the occasional bigger picture setup (and then the movie's are all VERY personal). And they're not always between the protagonist and a side girl! And on top of that like. The fights in the show visually are exactly what you'd expect from "the guy who was mentored by Utena's director makes a show about magical girls who are all theatre kids". And the movie only gets more insane with it (those cars in Utena WISH they were Wagamama Highway). And having the actual characters both talking AND singing out their conflicts is always fun.

GWitch has a very similar setup with Suletta fighting people for the role of groom to the war robot school's principal's daughter. But also the dueling system has an added level of being how EVERYONE at school can settle conflicts and makes demands and bets on these duels between each other. Plus there's other emotional conflicts that go into it. It takes a while for Suletta to get used to this system and start acting on it herself and insighting duels for herself and her bride's and friends' sakes. And then when she gets too used to and comfortable with the duel system, the show turns and goes "this isn't how war works, loser" and the betting stops mattering to characters because they start ACTUALLY JUST FUCKING KILLING PEOPLE AND THERE'S TERRORIST ATTACKS AND POLITICAL CONFLICT AND EVERYTHING SUCKS FOR A WHILE BECAUSE WAR AND CLASSISM AND THE CYCLE OF SIN BAD. And Suletta now suddenly has to deal with THAT. And it doesn't stop there! More personal shit happens! God I wish the second season wasn't so rushed, it absolutely reeks of "this show was forced to be shorter than planned because it was openly gay". The first season was so perfect. Why did this happen. At least it got to have a full story, as butchered as it is...

#revolutionary girl utena #revolutionary girl utena spoilers #god i hope the fights and conflicts get better #i love this show but it's being held back by this shit from being a favorite for me :( #maybe this last third can save it for me PLEASE #wish i could be one of y'all who love the black rose arc #i don't understand how #it's so bafflingly bad to me fjskfjskjf #sorry if you read this whole thing i have too many thoughts #and very incoherent