#bitter crip party
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I saw the "bitter crip party" and wanted to join in. It's been almost three months and two months respectively since two different specialists told me my symptoms and test results indicate progressive nerve damage and I should be seen soon and it's still two weeks until I can see a neurologist. I have to see a new neurologist since I can't see mine until May, there's no guarantee this new doctor knows anything about my condition. I can literally feel my nerves dying every day. The pain is pretty mild as chronic pain goes, but it's a constant reminder that things are getting worse for me in a way that could easily be irreversible. Gotta love US healthcare!
this is suuuuch bullshit oh my god, i’m stuck in wait times limbo myself atm and it’s brutal. i really hope your appointment went well & you’ve been able to get some effective treatment since then <333 fuck the healthcare system, you deserve quality, compassionate, prompt care!!
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To all my disabled female peeps out there I have a question. I have a visible disability & just got another reminder I’m overdue for a mammogram, thanks to the lockdown. While I don’t relish the procedure, I dread sitting in the waiting area for my turn. People are so fucking intrusive & seem to think that since we’re in a medical setting it’s ok to stare intently, ask questions, or want to pray/bring god into a conversation! It’s one thing to deal with ignorant, nosy people when I’m grocery shopping, but it fucking sucks when you’re stuck in front of a “captive audience,” like this. I’m not there for peoples entertainment, educational tool, & so on! Just leave me alone! Am I the only one who experiences this?
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34.
Millz
“That’s a pretty color; all of our dresses will be like that?” I asked Darnell after showed me what she wanted the bridesmaid’s dresses for her wedding to look like.
We were in the TV room in my house since I wasn’t allowed to leave to be on my feet for no more than an hour. Trouble was out doing whatever he does during the day, the only kid here was Malachi and he was in his little rocker minding his business.
“The bridesmaids yeah, but you’re the maid of honor so your dress will be made different. It’ll be the same color though.”
“I should’ve known y’all was going to have blue and white everything; fake ass crips.”
“Fuck you,” Darnell laughed. “It’s going to be bomb and lucky for you it’s a year away so you’ll have your body to yourself. You won’t be all swollen in my wedding pictures.”
“That’s great to know.” I sat back against the couch letting out a deep sigh.
“What is wrong with you?” Darnell looked at me confused.
“I’m bored; the only time I leave the house is to go to the doctor. He doesn’t let me do anything else, and I’m fucking hungry.”
I’ve been on house arrest oh my bad bed rest for two months now and it’s annoying as fuck, just like I knew it would be. For the first few weeks Trouble stayed with me but it would be unrealistic for him to be here all day every day with me for the next few months. The only reasons I haven’t gone coo coo for coco puffs is because Malachi is here and taking care of him gives me something to do.
“What did you eat today?”
“A nasty ass egg white sandwich, no salt no pepper, no cheese just dry ass egg whites.” I answered her while rolling my eyes.
“You sound upset,” She laughed.
“This shit aint funny, I’m never getting pregnant again. I’m done for real.”
“Oh please, you’re going to pop out that big head boy then get knocked up again. Just watch and see,”
“Shut up,” I chuckled. During my last appointment I found out that I was having another boy and it was a bittersweet feeling. Sweet because the sex really didn’t matter too much to me and it was bitter because it’s enough boys in this house already; another one definitely wasn’t needed.
“Can you have sex?”
“Yeah but he doesn’t want to with his scary ass. He’s really taking this bed rest shit too literal.”
The morning I was released from the hospital the doctor gave me specific instructions about what I can and cannot do. Now I was told that I couldn’t go to work, and I couldn’t be involved in anything that would stress me out.
I don’t know what the fuck Trouble was listening to because he’s on some extra shit. When he is home if I’m on my feet for more than an hour he’s fussing at me to go lay down. He’s too damn scared to have sex, talking about he doesn’t want me doing too much. Mind you I ask my doctor every time I see her can we have sex and she says yes, while he’s standing right there but he’s not trying to hear that shit at all.
“So he’s scared to fuck you?” Darnell questioned then busted out laughing like something was so damn funny. “All of this, is the exact reason Zaria is going to be an only child.”
“Yeah right,”
“I’m dead ass; Xavier and I are completely fine with her being the only child.”
“You don’t want any more kids?”
“Not really, I mean if it happens we’ll be happy about it but we’re not planning on having more. Besides, Trouble has newborn; you and Gianna are both pregnant. Another baby is not needed in the mix right now. Between the mommy and auntie duties I already have I’m good.”
“I feel you; I ended up with this many kids by default. It’s not like I’m just out popping babies out.”
“True, what is going on with baby boy’s mama anyway?”
“Nothing, she meets Trouble somewhere every Saturday to see him and it’s going to continue to be like this until she gets it together.”
After Nicki did all that bullshit at our house Trouble took it to the family lawyer I told him about and filed to get custody of Malachi. He was awarded temporary custody with Nicki only getting supervised visits with him on Saturdays.
I feel bad for a little bit because Malachi is her child and I remember how I felt when Cameron told me he was going to go for full custody. That shit eventually faded away because Nicki brought it all on herself, nobody told her stupid ass to come to my house drunk causing a ruckus.
“You don’t go to their meetups?”
“No, I don’t need to see that bitch. I’m trying to avoid stress not have the shit sitting right across from me.”
“Well I hope y’all get all that baby mama shit worked out. The kids are good right? I know you said Dyce was still acting different.”
“Yeah, that same funk he was in around Christmas time is back and its worse.”
Dyce and Darius’ fourth birthday is this weekend coming up and Dyce isn’t happy. He was fine up until a few days ago then his attitude flipped the script. He acted the same way around the Holidays. The closer it got to Christmas the worse his attitude got. I know it’s because his father isn’t here and I don’t know what to do about it because that’s not something I can fix.
“You’re still having their birthday party here?”
“Yeah, Trouble’s mother and Alex are going to come over and help me decorate the house that morning while he takes them out to get haircuts and stuff.”
“What’s the theme?”
“Paw Patrol, i got somebody to dress up like the damn dogs to keep the kids occupied or whatever. I let them both invite five people from their class to be there so it won’t just be family. It’s going to be really cute and annoying at the same time.”
“Aww, those are your babies you know you love spoiling them.”
“Spoil my ass, the most money I’m spending is going to be on decorations and that’s only because of how I am.” I don’t like for things to be half ass, if I’m going to do I’m going in for it. It was going to be like a damn Marvel fest in this bitch when I’m done.
“Hopefully it’ll have Dyce is a better mood.”
“I don’t know what to do about it. I know the hurt he feels about his dad being gone but he’s four years old. Is it weird that I didn’t expect it to hit him so hard?”
“I wouldn’t say it’s weird but some kids are more advanced than others. You’re finding the way he’s taking it weird because Darius isn’t acting the same way.”
“Well yeah, they’re the same age.”
“Yeah but they’re two totally different kids. I’m not saying Darius is stupid because he’s smart too but Dyce is like another level of smart. How many 3 year olds talk and acts the way he does?”
“I just thought of it as him being too damn grown,” I shrugged my shoulders.
“No he’s smart so he knows what his father being dead means and it’s hurting him. Ooh and look just like you instead of just being hurt he’s turning it into anger.” She said then looked at me with a side eye.”
‘What? Why you looking at me like that?”
“I used to think Dyce was like Uncle Darius but now that I really pay attention I’m seeing that he’s just like you.”
“What?” I looked at her confused.
“Dyce acts just like you nigga, you heard me.”
“I don’t know about all of that.”
“Yes you do Dyce is like you, stubborn, mean, and short- tempered. Darius is just like Prophet, he doesn’t listen to no damn body with his hard headed ass but he’s a good kid.”
“Darnell shut up and just tell me what I’m supposed to about him and his attitude.”
“Talk to him, and I mean really talk to him Millz. Don’t think that because he’s only 3 that he doesn’t understand certain shit. That little boy is far from stupid, he’s smart and he understands the things going on around him. You better recognize that shit.”
***
Looking down at my side I smiled when I saw Karma with her arms wrapped about my leg. The rest of the kids were running around the living room having fun but she was off to the side. I knew it was only because Dyce and Darius were busy with their friends from school and Zaria wasn’t here yet.
It’s been a little over a month since Karma has officially moved in with us. I have custody right now and I plan on going for full adoption pretty soon. One thing about Karma is she’s really shy; it takes her a cool minute to warm up to people. Once she’s comfortable her personality really shines through. Karma literally has to be the sweetest little girl I’ve ever come in contact with and I always wonder where the hell that comes from because both of her birth parents were far from sweet.
Fortunately for me she has a good relationship with her brothers; she’s obsessed with both Malachi and Trouble. If she isn’t up under me she’s following Trouble around the house and he loves every minute of it.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her.
“I want a hotdog,”
“Okay go in the kitchen and tell Siah to give you one.” She nodded then ran out the room.
“She is so cute,” Imani said while she held Malachi in her arms. ”What is a Siah though? Who is that?”
“Trouble, she can’t pronounce Messiah too correctly so she calls him Siah.” I answered her.
“Oh, what do Darius and Dyce call him?”
“His name, well Darius calls him by his name. Dyce hasn’t really been fucking with him too heavy.” I said while shaking my head.
“Why not?”
“He’s not Cameron,” I said simply.
Before Cameron’s death Dyce was fine around Trouble, he would talk to him and everything. After his dad was gone he distanced himself from Trouble; he rarely speaks to him at all and I know it’s because he’s still mourning the death of his father. I leave it alone for now because I understand but the moment his little ass crosses the line we’re going to have an issue.
“Aww poor baby, you need to talk to Dyce. That boy walks around looking depressed.”
“I know I’m going to handle it.” I told her just as the doorbell rang. I got up and walked out of my perfectly decorated living room and went to open the door.
“Hey munchkin,” I smiled when my eyes landed on Zaria. I got down as low as I could and hugged her. Once I let her go she went running to the living room.
“You got a house full huh? It’s mad cars outside; we had to park around the corner.” Darnell said in a joking tone when she and Xavier walked in.
“Yeah which means I have a few of melanin-deficient people in here so keep it cool. I don’t need these bitches talking shit about me at PTA meetings and shit.” Dyce and Darius invited 10 kids from their class to the party so it was 10 sets of parents in my house right now. 5 out of those 10 were white which is weird because I’m not used to entertaining white folks I’m not making money off of. keeping their cool. As long as they kept it that way we’re good.
“I got you,”
“Where’s Trouble?”
“I put him on hotdog duty, as a matter of fact Xavier you can go help him. Please.” I smiled at him.
“I should let his ass do it by himself but I got you.” He started to walk towards the kitchen patting his pockets then stopped. “Shit I forgot my phone in the car I’ll be back then I’ll go help him.” He kissed Darnell’s cheek then went out the front door closing it behind him.
Darnell and I went into the living room where the other parents were sitting down talking among st each other.
“This is really cute; damn can you do Zaria’s birthday for me?” Darnell asked me as she looked around the living room.
“Or nah,” I answered.
“That’s messed up,” She shook her head at me.
“No it’s not. Oh we can do their parties together; Karma’s is a week before Zaria’s.”
“She’s a Leo too?”
“Yeah, it’ll be way easier that way instead of us both throwing big parties. We can just do one nice cute one; they’re only a year apart and joined at the hip already so I know they like the same things.
“Cool with me, less money for me to spend.”
“Cheap ass,” I chuckled.
“Millz,” I looked up to see it was Kason calling me. “Trouble said are you ready to give out cake?”
“Yeah,” I looked over at Darius and the boys he was playing with but Dyce wasn’t with him.
“Is Dyce in the kitchen?”
“Nah, he never came in there.”
“Alright, tell him I’m ready but give me a minute.” I got up and went upstairs to see if he dipped off up there.
When I got to his and Darius’ bedroom I opened the door and saw him lying on his bed.
“Dyce,” I said his name but he didn’t move. I went over to the bed and turned him over. When I saw tears on his face I got extremely confused, he was just fine and playing downstairs.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“I want my daddy,” He said in a low voice but I heard him loud and clear as if he screamed it at the top of his lungs. Honestly it hurt me because I can’t fix it, there’s nothing I can do about his dad not being here.
I pulled him onto my lap the best way I could despite my stomach poking out.
“I know you want your dad. I want my dad a lot of times too. You know what Uncle Nasir told me when I used to cry for mine?”
“What?”
“That he’s watching everything I do, and he wants to be happy. I know your dad wants you happy too, he wouldn’t want you sad and crying on your birthday.”
“Why is he in heaven?”
“He’s in heaven because a very bad man hurt him; he was too hurt to stay here so God took him back to Heaven with him.”
“Is the bad man going to hurt you too?”
“No, thanks to Messiah and your Uncle Vick he’s never going to hurt anybody ever again.” I answered him then kissed his forehead. “I know you miss your dad and I know it hurts your feelings that he’s not here but I promise it’s going to get better, okay?”
“Okay,” he nodded his head. “Is Siah your boyfriend?”
“Yeah, I thought we talked about that already?” I asked with a laugh.
“Is he your husband?”
“No, but he probably will be one day if he plays his cards right.”
“Is he my new daddy? I don’t want a new one.”
“Dyce what are you talking about?”
“Dari said Siah is our new dad,”
“Is that why you’ve been acting funny? You think he’s trying to replace your father?” I asked, it wasn’t even really directed towards him; it was more so a rhetorical question. I figured that’s why he’s been distant from Trouble lately but he’s basically confirming it for me now.
Before I could say anything else the bedroom door closing caught our attention. We both looked up to see Trouble standing there.
Trouble
“How long have you been standing there?” Millz asked me when she and Dyce looked up.
“That doesn’t matter. Let me speak to him for a minute.”
Hearing him ask his mother if I was his new dad really put things in perspective for me. For the last few weeks he’s been acting different. He wasn’t really talking to me or coming near me period. I went in front of her and kneeled down so I was face to face with Dyce. I figured it was because of how he feels about his father so I never said anything; this whole thing just gave me the confirmation I needed.
“Go ahead and speak I’m not stopping you.”
“I mean as is you go downstairs and check on everything while I talk to him.” I could tell she wanted to fight me so she could be nosy but she was taking her ass downstairs.
“Millz, go downstairs.” I said again just to let her know I was dead serious. She took one look at my facial expression then nodded. She eased Dyce off her lap then I pulled her up from the bed.
“Don’t be up here all day,” she said before opening the room door and leaving out.
I sat on the bed then pulled Dyce in front of me so we were face to face. “Listen to me; I don’t want you to think I’m trying to take your father’s place because I’m not. You have a father and he loved you very much; I love your mother and a big part of loving her means loving her children. I’m not your dad, you don’t have to call me dad if you don’t want to but I am going to be here for you, your brother and sister. Okay?”
He nodded looking me straight in my eyes. It was fucking with me a little bit because I didn’t know if he was trying to see if I was serious or if he was the one trying to send a message.
“We good? You alright now?”
“Yeah, we good.” I held my fist out for a pound and he gave me one. I kissed his forehead then stood up.
“Alright come on so you can have some birthday cake.”
“Can I open my presents?” He asked as we walked out of his room.
“After everybody is done with their cake it’s fine with me.”
We went down to the living room with everybody else. Millz lit the candles and turned off the lights so everybody could sing happy birthday to the boys.
After giving out cake I wanted to get to these gifts so these kids could get the fuck out of my house before that cake fully kicks in and they tear some shit up.
***
“Thanks for helping me cleaning up man, I appreciate it.” I told Xavier when we got done getting the living room back to normal. Everyone was long gone but he stayed back to help me clean up.
“It’s nothing; I knew you weren’t going to let Millz clean shit up so I figured I could help while Darnell kept her busy.” He told me.
“Is this really life man?” I asked with a laugh. “I’m living with a woman and four kids with another one on the way.”
He laughed shaking his head. “Aye sometimes life catches you off guard. Look at me; I’ll be a married man come next year.”
“Shit if things work out the way they’re supposed to I’m going to be right behind you.”
“I’m happy you two niggas finally stopped playing, dramatic as a muthafucka but liked each other that whole damn time.”
“Everybody can’t be you and Darnell man,” I said thinking back on how Xavier and Darnell got together. It’s actually finny because he was on her from day 1. I vividly remember him telling her she was going to be his wife, and his ass was right.
“I wasn’t about to play with that girl, I knew what I wanted and went for it. It took you a minute but you got it together so that’s all that matters.”
“You right about that.”
“I’m about to be outta here, I know Z upstairs knocked out.”
“Aight, how’s the thing you put in the basement?”
“Cool, I checked on it a minute ago. Darnell aint said shit to her either so you’re good.”
“Good lookin’ man,” We slapped hands then he went upstairs to get Darnell and Zaria. When they came back down he was carrying a sleeping Zaria in his arms and Darnell was behind him yawning like she had a long day or some shit.
Once they were gone I went upstairs to the bedroom where Millz was sitting up in the bed on her laptop.
“What are you doing?” I asked her.
“Nothing, I’m just looking at some of these pictures. You’re done cleaning up?”
“Yeah but I got something for you.”
“Something for me?”
‘Yeah, well it’s partly for you and partly for the kids. I’ll be right back.” I went down to my man cave and went over to the cage and unlocked it.
“You ready to surprise your new mama?” I said to the all blue nose pit bull puppy I was holding. “I hope she likes you and don’t kick your ass out.” I went back upstairs but stopped in the hallway right by our room door.
Taking her ring from my pocket I hooked it on his dog collar then put him down. I opened the door just enough to let him inside and give me room to peek.
“What the fuck?” I heard Millz say after a few seconds of silence. “Fuck did a damn dog come from?” She got up off the bed went over to the dog and picked it up. She grabbed the collar and when she touched the ring and looked at it her mouth dropped so I took that as my cue to walk in.
Millz looked up at me with her mouth still wide open as I walked up to her. “Close your mouth baby.” I grabbed the ring off the dog collar, put him down then looked down into her eyes. “I love you, I love the way you take care of my son, I love the way you take care of your kids and I love them with everything in me. I respect you, I respect the woman you’ve grown into and I want you to be the one I spend the rest of my life with so,” I went down on one knee grabbing her left hand. “Will you marry me fat mama?” I asked making us both laugh.
“You get on my nerves,” she laughed wiping the tears from her face. “Yes I’ll marry you.” I slid the ring on her finger then stood up and kissed her on the lips. “You ready to become Mrs. Garnett?”
“Yeah I guess I ‘m ready for that,” she said with a big smile on her face. “I love you,”
“I love you too.”
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I swear to gods, I am at my wit's end trying to deal with Numotion and my wheelchair. They can't even so much as keep my phone number straight. I have zero faith they'll be able to successfully replace my current chair without causing far more trouble than I'm already having. I'm this close to taking out a ton of student loans to just by a new one out-of-pocket, cut out the middlemen, and actually get it done right. /rant
i’ve had multiple pals who are wheelchair users have major issues with NuMotion, i’m so sorry you went through this - ik this ask is from a while ago so i hope this got resolved eventually & that you have a functional wheelchair that meets all your needs now!!
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Ik I'm a bit late to the party, but I got diagnosed with a chronic pain condition years ago and the doctor refused to explain my diagnosis to me??? Wtf???
literally the #1 most infuriating thing to me, patient education is practically nonexistent and often outright wrong. i’m so sorry you experienced that & hope you’ve been able to source accurate and affirming information since then 💕💕
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Pog bitter crip party here’s my input: my parents are so annoying. I’ve been keeping an inhaler diary to get diagnosed for asthma for ages and I use it multiple times a day and they’re not taking me to get checked, so I don’t have a preventer, so I get weekly if not more often asthma attacks.
I have joint issues and use a cane but my family are mortified to be seen with me and try to hide it from me, I always pop ribs out but mum says that it’s not possible to dislocate ribs and I just came home from a 2 day wedding where I went though the whole thing with my hip dislocated and it’s bruised as fuck
I’m so tired of all this
why are all of y’all’s parents hiding your canes and ignoring your dislocated ribs i swear to god i’m adopting every last one of you. wall-to-wall mattresses in my new place. mac’s home for wayward cripples. jesus christ. seriously though i feel morally obligated to mention just in case you aren’t aware that that’s not just annoying, each of those actions is abusive, preventing you from taking care of your body and therefore causing you to be in worse pain + in danger is neglectful as all fuck and i am omw to give them a few disabilities of their own
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Bitter crip party: doctors refusing to diagnose me with either chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia unless I go through physical therapy first for 8 weeks. I went through physical therapy a few years ago for the same thing for 16 weeks with no pain improvement and actually increased the pain so severely that I only had ~20 minutes of walking for the rest of the day before I started collapsing in pain and left in severe pain for the next like 4 or 5 days. Haven’t done the physical therapy because they didn’t call me for three months and then the pandemic hit so I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
but if we didn’t let the doctors say the solution to everything was physical therapy, then they might have to put thought and effort into our treatment! /s
i am going to eat your doctor. have fun trying to PT your way out of that one pal
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Wait, we're letting out the bitterness? Can I share something with #tw food? I'm very allergic to a lot of things. The list is so long that I need to check all ingredients, am always somehow on the verge of being underweight, my immune system is a mess, and so on. One of the things that has me one step away from an anaphylaxis shock is soy. My parents know that, and since forever, told me to not make a big deal out of it. (of course, if my sisters even feel one itch from an allergy all hell breaks loose). Smashcut to last year when my parents made food for the family, trying to trick my brother into eating tofu, not telling anyone it was SOYTOFU and in the process, nearly poisoning me. I only found out because I asked why they behaved so weirdly. If I panic while I have an allergic reaction I could suffocate, and they know that. But no. I should calm down, just eat something else (there was nothing in the house I could have eaten btw) and not ruin everything again! I wish I could say it's the first time they did this, but it's not. It's just me being dramatic, me wanting attention - when in truth, it's me wanting to be alive, thank you very much.
okay ngl that is some next fucking level child abuse like. i am flabbergasted. i’m so sorry oh my fucking god
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bitter crip party; i’ve been dealing w chronic pain since i was five years old. when i hit middle school my pediatrician kept telling me to “just push through [my migraines]” and “toughen up” so my mom switched me to her GP who has been treating me much better at the v least. it’s still hard to find support for my pain but i at least managed to find some relief in training my medical alert service dog who alerts to my migraines hours to days before they happen so i can take preventative measures. it just sucks that i had to do all of that for myself instead of someone helping me
oh, my god, honey, you were so young. you deserved to be believed, for the people whose job it was to take care of you to actually put time and effort into doing that. i’m so sorry the medical system has failed you so severely
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once I went to the doctor bc I was rapidly losing weight despite eating way more than usual, I was 5'3" ish and weighed 100lbs and looked skeletal but apparently I just needed to eat more! she also wanted to take me off an antidepressant cold turkey which is really dangerous.
the next doctor I visited actually ordered blood tests, which I nearly fainted after bc my blood sugar was super low bc it turns out I had grave's disease!
let me get this straight yoUR FUCKING THYROID WAS GOING OFF ITS SHITS & your doctor was like “lol have you tried eating something?” MA’AM I’M GONNA EAT YOU i swear to god—
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Bitter crip time? My favorite time
Anyway i asked a doctor if i had EDS, and she just said no, without any investigation and told me to go to physically therapy without any explanation. I actually went to pt, and the guy just had me do exercises that subluxed All of my joints while telling me it was impossible and judging me for not working out. Actually everyone judges me for not working out even though I want to and I don't because it's too painful
my favorite time too!! 💕 and ummm if your PT doesn’t know how subluxations work he needs to walk his abled legs back to school immediately because that’s so fucking dangerous! also i will tell you what i tell myself whenever i start getting insecure about exercise which is that my girlfriend doesn’t work out ever and she’s still able-bodied so that definitely isn’t why we’re crippled
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Bitter crip party: having to be taken out of school first period and rushed to the ER by my mom because I was experiencing an allergic reaction from something I had drank plenty of times in the form of severe pain, then having the doctor pull my mom out of the room and privately tell her I was faking. Thankfully though I can avoid the thing that causes the allergies fairly easily but still, been about 5 years and still bitter.
hang on a sec i’m traveling back in time to inform that doctor he’s clearly faking his degree
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can I join the 16 year olds with chronic pain who have been personally victimised by people not believing us club? there were six months between onset of my pain and diagnosis which I know is a small amount of time but it took four months and a breakdown for my parents to even believe that it wasn't just "growing pains" and the entire time I had to play dumb about what was going on even though I suspected fibromyalgia for months because as soon as I voiced any suspicions about what was medically wrong with me my parents and doctors would dismiss me and tell me to just exercise. anyway as soon as I got my diagnosis my doctor left the room and I said "I knew it" and my mom immediately asked if I was faking when she Just Saw Me have 18/18 positive fibro trigger points and you need 11 for a diagnosis. I would like to be taken seriously about my own disability thanks!!! I've decided that abled people are not it
literally yes it’s such a fucking traumatic experience to go through as a KID and the combination of doctors not believing disabled people & not believing young people is so fucking dangerous, even moreso for people of color & people perceived as women. also like... are “growing pains” even a fucking thing like before i became disabled i never experienced that & i’m pretty sure none of my able-bodied friends in high school did lmao
i hate that knowing literally anything about our bodies is treated as a cause for suspicion like??? maybe i happen to idk Live Here!!! you’re correct abled people are not it
i’m 22 so i super understand if anyone doesn’t want to take me up on this but i developed chronic pain at 16 and it was such a lonely and terrifying process so my inbox & DMs are always open to folks becoming disabled as teenagers or who want some company while processing those experiences as an adult 🖤
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Bitter crip party: I've been disabled since infancy, and some days I just sit there realizing how much ableism I've internalized and how it continues to screw with my view of my self-worth. Like, I still get really upset over the fact that since my pain and physical limitations got worse, I can't do activities that I used to. I devalue myself because I can't do what I used to and I'm just fed up with it. I've been doing stuff like this my whole life because I've always felt inferior, I managed to actually do some moderately impressive physical achievements, hiking through some mountains, and now it's often hard for me to go up a flight of stairs without crawling. I'm just mad at the world for making me think like this and wish it wasn't like this. And like, no one else even seems to notice how ingrained ableism, and what a toll it can take on someone, especially when they're born into it.
internalized ableism is an absolute fucking rat bastard and i wish you luck in strangling it with your bare hands. you’re so valuable and matter so much, inherently, and i’m so sorry society has been trying to steal that from you your whole life
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Hope it's ok to hop on...but bitter crip party: Doctor said I was fine and just needed to lose weight to stop my joint pain (note, without knowing my weight or seeing me in person!). Turns out my lower legs are actually deforming themselves and my hand joints are thinning, and I need more investigations to find out why.
i’m sorry WHAT. WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING YOUR WEIGHT?!?! that is a new fucking level of fatphobia like oh my god i am Baffled honey!!! absolutely absurd i’m so sorry that happened
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joining the bitter party. apparently our new plan, according to the dr, is writing of all my symptoms as conversion disorder. which is now in my file. time to avoid ers again i guess. vvv tired of drs thinking moving more will fix my mobility issues : V
holy fuck i am so, so sorry to hear that, that’s fucking devastating. your symptoms are real, they fucking matter, i believe you about the pain you’re experiencing, and you will be in my heart as i hope for you to receive respectful, affirming care in the future 💕💕
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