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redbootsindoriath · 4 days

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Apparently in my absence this post had its 1000-notes-iversary.

This time we get to see the culprit responsible for ruining our heroes' lives as well.

I've really missed you guys, by the way. I know I've said that already, but I'm serious. Once or twice this year I've been right on the brink of coming back but schedule stuff always keeps me from letting myself commit to that again, and that in turn has kept me from posting anything at all. But I've been in an unexpected drawing mood lately and so if I can get enough stuff to set up a queue we might pretend I'm back for a month or so sometime this year. Maybe. Hopefully. We'll see. No promises though. That's why I'm hiding this paragraph under the cut.

Transcription:

[Beren:] "Uhhh...barkeep...I think he's had enough now..." [Tolkien:] "No, I don't think he has...!"

#beren #bilbo #frodo #tolkien #túrin #the man the myth the legends #beowulf except everybody is short #one shiny #three shinies #everyone deserved better except mîm #what's this a happy ending #my trash #is this actually funny or am i just tired #i'm sorry professor tolkien #/end classification tags #túrin keeps becoming a bigger and bigger guy in my drawings and at this rate he's going to be way taller and broader than he should be #canonically he was really tall and broad but i don't think the professor meant like THIS #at least it makes him really distinct i guess #gonna be sufficiently intimidating for the dagor dagorath #but in the meantime he's just making beren look like a schoolkid in this doodle #(and as i'm sitting here writing these tags i suddenly realize i forgot túrin's white hair streaks again)#(tsk tsk shame on me)#(and didn't it say somewhere that beren's hair also turned grey...? i can't remember where it said that though)#(0 for 2 i have failed all of us)#ANYWAY in my absence tumblr apparently changed formatting again which is not cool but whatever #it's nice to draw again #i've had art block for like 9 months straight #and suddenly this month i suddenly was able to write AND draw again as if i never stopped #i've had writer's block since maybe 2021 so that was the most surprising part #weirdest thing ever but i'm not mad about it

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edettethegreat · 3 years

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in honor of the end of high school, here’s a short summary of every book I had to read over the past 4 years:

9th grade

A Separate Peace-

Finny: Hi Gene!

Gene: *pushes him out of a tree*

Finny: Ouch. *dies*

Great Expectations-

Pip: I hate Estella

Pip: nevermind she’s pretty

Pip: I like Estella

Pip: but she doesn’t like me!

Pip: she was leading me on this whole time!!

Estella, who constantly told Pip she doesn’t like him: I was what now.

Lord of the Flies-

Ralph: we need to keep order on this island

Jack: but what if we didn’t

Ralph: ok you do you and I’ll do me

*after at least 2 people die*

Ralph and Jack: where did we go wrong

Alice in Wonderland-

Alice: huh wow this sure is a weird land I landed in

The Tempest-

Prospero: Here’s my elaborate revenge scheme on my brother

Prospero: it involves my daughter happily marrying the man she loves

Prospero: and then we all happily return to Italy

Prospero: with my brother facing minimal legal consequences for banishing me.

Prospero: REVENGE!!

Driving Miss Daisy-

Daisy: hi I’m racist

Hoke: but what if you weren’t

Daisy: huh. I never considered that. Thanks.

Pygmalion-

Higgins: I think I’m going to mildly abuse this kid called Eliza

Eliza: huh that sure would suck

Higgins: sucks to be you then. This wouldn’t be happening if you spoke proper English.

Eliza: that doesn’t sound entirely right, but I don’t know enough about proper English to argue.

10th grade

To Kill a Mockingbird-

Atticus: in conclusion, this man is undeniably innocent

Jury: Atticus have you considered that this is the south and he’s black?

Jury: *unanimously votes Guilty*

Atticus: literally what is wrong with you.

The Merchant of Venice-

Shylock: in conclusion, I have a legal contract stating I can stab the guy who’s been committing hate crimes against me for years now

Portia: Shylock have you considered that this is 14th century Italy and you’re Jewish?

The court: *forces him to give his possessions away and convert to Christianity*

Shylock: literally what is wrong with you.

The Count of Monte Cristo-

Villefort: In conclusion, you’re clearly innocent and someone’s framing you

Villefort: but have you considered that you now have evidence that my father committed treason and if I don’t send you to jail you might tell someone?

Villefort: *gives Edmond a life sentence in the Chateau d’If*

Edmond: literally what is wrong with you.

11th Grade

My Antonia-

Jim: welp I’m an orphan now so I’m gonna move in with my relatives in Nebraska

Jim: *does that*

Jim: welp Nebraska is full of fields and farms.

Jim: guess I gotta learn some farming now.

Fahrenheit 451-

Montag: what if I read a book?

Everything: *goes very wrong*

Montag: oh no.

Twelve Angry Men-

Everyone except for 8: the kid’s guilty

8: but get this

8: what if he’s not

Everyone: *is angry*

Macbeth-

Witches: you’ll be king!

Macbeth: ah so I have to kill the guy who’s currently king?

Witches: ... literally when did we say that?

Macbeth: ok he’s dead now.

Huckleberry Finn-

Huck: hey Jim let’s leave this place together!

Jim: ok

Huck, 20 chapters later: I don’t know what’s happening but I have at least 10 aliases now

Twelfth Grade

The Longest Day-

The World: hey guys who’s up for a Second World War?

Everybody: no please no

The World: oops too late

Beowulf-

Beowulf: I’ll fight all the monsters!!

Everyone: yeah!!

Beowulf: oops a dragon bit me and I’m dead now

Homecoming-

Dicey: wow it sure sucks that our mom abandoned us

Dicey: if only we could find a functional place to live

Nobody:

Dicey: actually yeah I don’t know what I was expecting- no one can afford to take in 4 children in this economy

Raison in the Sun-

Lena: Here’s all the money we have

Lena: be very responsible with it- we need it to buy a house and send your sister to medical school

Walter: oops I lost it all to my sketchy friend who turned out to be a scammer

Lena: literally WHAT DID I JUST SAY??

Antigone-

Antigone: I’m gonna go bury my brother

Creon: ok then I’m gonna go murder you

That one guy: actually if you kill her everything will go very wrong

Creon: I’m gonna kill her anyway.

Everything: *goes wrong*

Creon: If only someone would have warned me!!

Hamlet-

the ghost: go kill your uncle. Avenge my death.

Hamlet: ok

Hamlet: *responsibly verifies the facts*

Hamlet: ok NOW it’s murder time!

Hamlet: *kills the wrong person*

Hamlet: whoops.

The ghost: you had ONE job!!

Death of a Salesman-

Willy: I wanna die

Everyone: ok.

Willy: *kills himself*

Everyone: if only there had been some way to prevent this tragic outcome!

Long day’s Journey into Night-

Edmund: dad I’m dying

James Sr.: hi dying I’m dad

Edmund: that’s not helpful. *proceeds to suffer*

King Lear-

Lear: I’ll divide up my kingdom according to who loves me the most

Goneril and Regan: that would be us

Lear: well since lying wasn’t invented yet I’m going to believe that wholeheartedly.

Pride and Prejudice-

Elizabeth: I hate Darcy

Elizabeth: plus Wickham says he’s the worst

Elizabeth: oh wait Wickham was lying

Elizabeth: oh wait Darcy’s really rich and hot

Elizabeth: nevermind I like Darcy now.

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bienready2122 · 4 years

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"Beowulf" - The Story of an Extraordinary Man

The sonnet "Beowulf" tells the story of an uncommon man who performs extraordinary accomplishments. Beowulf is the hero of his day, unrivaled in quality and ready to take on any test that he happens upon with as meager assistance from weapons as could be expected under the circumstances and no assistance from different warriors. He's in his very own group genuinely. Along these lines, however, he is additionally in his very own association inwardly. Being everybody's saint and icon can be cool, yet it's not actually the best situation to be in on the off chance that you need to frame significant associations with individuals. This is Beowulf's battle. He is, in fact, a noninterventionist encompassed by individuals since his practically genuine status joined with his "I can do anything all alone" mentality encourages a domain of wonderment and love around him and a sentiment of pride and self-reliance inside him D.Gray-man The possibility of icon love and its impact on connections is an idea that is predominant in our present society. Consider the case of a demigod and his fan. There is a boundary shielding them from shaping a veritable relationship which is developed from the fan's absolute love of the star and the star's information on this and his sentiment of predominance. Beowulf is said to have "the quality of thirty in the grasp of each hand" (380). It is reasserted commonly all through the sonnet that he is unrivaled. He is prevalent, and he has each option to feel that way. This makes it about incomprehensible for the individuals he runs over to take a gander at him with anything other than wonder or jealousy, as Unferth initially does as "Beowulf's coming, his ocean conquering, made him wiped out with envy" (501). Unferth reconsiders things once he has seen that Beowulf is the genuine article, however. There is "less altering and lofty talk then/from Unferth the boaster..." (971) after everybody has seen Grendel's cut off arm showed in the lobby. This shows proof of Unferth's demeanor towards Beowulf moving from jealousy to wonder and love.

Upon Beowulf's coming to battle Grendel, Unferth was the most praised warrior of Heorot... he was the one in particular who figured he may be on a similar level as Beowulf as a warrior. This makes ready for the two to shape an important fellowship, the same number of companionships are framed out of a unique terrible experience (even these days many closest companions' connections began with a play area battle or contention). In any case, this never happens as expected in light of the fact that Unferth understands that Beowulf is head and shoulders above him with regards to battling, and he joins the remainder of Hrothgar's men in their love of Beowulf.

The main character in the sonnet that can practically be viewed as a genuine companion and near an equivalent of Beowulf is Hrothgar. Hrothgar's first words to Beowulf will be "Beowulf, my friend..." (457). Welcome don't get a lot more amiable than that. Their relationship bit by bit develops, with Hrothgar in the end saying that he sees Beowulf as his own child. Hrothgar's profound fondness for Beowulf is no place more clear in the sonnet than during Beowulf's takeoff:

Thus the great and silver haired Dane,

that aristocratic lord, kissed Beowulf

what's more, grasped his neck, at that point separated

in unexpected tears... Also, such was his love

that he was unable to help being survived:

his affection for the man was so profound established,

it made him feel good inside and wound the heartstrings

tight in his bosom. (1870-1879)

Any individual who asserts that Hrothgar doesn't really have a profound friendship for Beowulf would be unable to invalidate the above proof that he does. In any case, something is unusually absent from the entry. For what reason doesn't the writer depict Beowulf's love for Hrothgar? The writer makes a special effort to tell the peruser that Hrothgar had incredibly profound affections for Beowulf, however not a word is referenced about Beowulf's feelings toward Hrothgar. All that we get from Beowulf is a discourse that fundamentally sums to "a debt of gratitude is in order for everything... I'll go to your guide in case you're ever out of luck". Without question, Hrothgar is the character that Beowulf is nearest to in the sonnet, yet the writer never offers us any reasonable hint that Beowulf has earnest affections for Hrothgar past regard and deference. Beowulf even addresses Hrothgar with deference and adoration as opposed to warmth, over and again utilizing phrases like "savvy sir" (1384), and "my master" (1390), while never calling Hrothgar "companion" as Hrothgar calls Beowulf.

It's normal for a superhuman to have a sidekick. Robin, Batman's sidekick, is the most unmistakable case of this. In the sonnet, Hrothgar has a sidekick named Aeschere whom he calls his "perfect partner", "genuine guide", and "right-hand man" (1325). Hrothgar is profoundly disheartened when Aeschere kicks the bucket.

Beowulf mentions while standing up to Unferth that he and Breca grew up challenging themselves to "exceed one another" (536), however this doesn't show that Beowulf and Breca are something besides equals. The main other reference to Beowulf's childhood is fascinating. He had been "inadequately respected", was "taken for short of what he was worth", and his ruler "never much regarded him in the mead-lobby" (2183). This entry appears to be sudden and strange. It may, be that as it may, disclose Beowulf's have to do everything all alone. Beowulf is by all accounts fixated on substantiating himself all through the sonnet, and consistently needs to do it with no assistance from others.

Beowulf is a difficult man who likely wouldn't stop at a corner store and request bearings in the event that he was lost and could never peruse the headings assembling something. He's the kid who got singled out and afterward hit a development spray. For what reason would he need assistance from the individuals who used to think they were superior to him? Beowulf pulls off doing everything all alone until his fight with the mythical beast. "This battle isn't yours," Beowulf says to his men before battling the winged serpent, "nor is it up to any man with the exception of me/to quantify his quality against the beast/or to demonstrate his value" (2532). Beowulf is as yet attempting to demonstrate his value by denying his men the respect to battle nearby him as an elderly person who is as of now generally known as the best warrior on the planet. He ought to have nothing left to demonstrate, and he ought to approach his men for their assistance, which might wind up sparing his life, yet rather he demands that they offer him no assistance and he gets slaughtered.

Beowulf's demise unquestionably appears to have been preventable. Wiglaf says to different men after Beowulf's passing that "when the most noticeably awful happened/too few mobilized around the sovereign" (2882). The conspicuous undertone of this is Beowulf's men (except for Wiglaf) are powerless hearted and fearful. Yet, Beowulf did explicitly request to go facing the mythical serpent without anyone else. Had he not mentioned that his men let him go only it, a greater amount of them most likely would have helped him, and the result may have been extraordinary. Beowulf's pride, which picked up him all the distinction and regard on the planet, appears to have prompted his demise. Beowulf's gallant life prompted an awful passing without a child, apparently without a spouse, and with just one of his men close by.

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redbootsindoriath · 2 years

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Knowing Bilbo’s effect on elvenkings and elven lords (and elves in general), it’s probably just as well Thingol never made it to the Third Age. He wouldn’t have stood a chance.

Transcription:

[Thingol:] “...” [Bilbo:] “...” FIVE MINUTES LATER [Thingol:] “Everyone, meet Bilbo. He is my own personal hobbit and anyone who so much as threatens to harm him shall die, no questions asked. He has looted the royal storehouses twice so I’ve decided to make him my new foster son.”

#bilbo #thingol #the man the myth the legends #beowulf except everybody is short #three shinies #canon is great and all but what if #my trash #is this actually funny or am i just tired #i'm sorry professor tolkien #/end classification tags #move over túrin you've been replaced #by someone one tenth your height #with furry little rabbit feet and no evil curse #honestly tho thingol would have broken down in about thirty seconds i think #bilbo would rob him blind and thingol would just be like ''this is the best thing that's ever happened to me''#''please come back and burglarize my hidden kingdom whenever you like''#''bring your friends if you have any''#...and then third age finrod would show up and be like ''HOLY VALAR YOU KNOW ABOUT HOBBITS TOO??''

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redbootsindoriath · 10 months

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I remembered today that if I want to continue my accidental Bilbo and the troll tradition I need to get cracking on a new drawing before I wake up in 2024 having missed my chance.

2023 Bert stole 2020 Bert’s hair and put it all over his face. That’s why 2020 Bert was bald. I just didn’t know that at the time.

#bilbo #the man the myth the legends #beowulf except everybody is short #my trash #/end classification tags #bilbo continues his 2020 aspirations of becoming a contortionist #hear me out though: it's a bit difficult to have two characters have a non-awkward-looking conversation when #one is a hobbit #and the other is a troll #and the other is suspending the one in the air by holding the one's toes #let's at least admire bilbo's core strength in this drawing anyway #trying to form a sentence while holding yourself halfway through a hanging sit-up is not the easiest task in the world #for a 50-year-old hobbit he's doing remarkably well in that area #no but this one took like THREE HOURS #(maybe more?? i wasn't keeping exact track of time for it)#and i still somehow managed to get the perspective wrong #rip me #but hey this art tablet is such a lifesaver #also just so y'all know #i've got a moderately notable and time-consuming life change coming up in august #one which will require a decent amount of preparation beforehand #so i don't know if i'll be posting much during july or august #but then again who knows #i might #(also happy belated insufferable yank day to my american followers)#(sorry i didn't get a drawing done in time)#(i have been on the road for a MONTH and only got back last week)

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redbootsindoriath · 2 years

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I just realized I never posted the pirate AU drawings I did for LOTR. Shame on me. These are from like 2020 and I forgot about them.

The Maiar are sea spirits. Gandalf has chosen to take a mostly-human form but his eyes glow and his ears are shaped like seashells. Aragorn’s tattoo is the Evenstar necklace from the LOTR movies. For anyone who asks if there’s any particular significance to Legolas’s necklace, no there isn’t, it’s just a merfolk necklace of some kind. Also “The Fellowship” is literally a ship. And it gets sunk when Frodo and Sam leave and Merry and Pippin are kidnapped and Boromir gets shot (with a sea-Uruk flintlock, of course) and all that good stuff. Speaking of Frodo and Sam...

Also a bonus Bilbo. In the pirate AU, the hobbits are, appearance-wise, basically the same as they are in canon, but they can hold their breath for much longer than humans can (even for hours if they’re only minimally exerting themselves) which is why Gandalf keeps bringing them on adventures: they’re great at sea travel and all things water-related, whether or not they’ll admit it, and specifically Bilbo was able to swim through the tunnels that the sea serpent Smaug had flooded.

#aragorn #bilbo #boromir #frodo #gandalf #legolas #samwise #the man the myth the legends #beowulf except everybody is short #one shiny #canon is great and all but what if #he's a pirate #my trash #/end classification tags #i knew i'd left out pippin and merry and then i was counting the fellowship here and was like ''i thought there were nine of them...?''#and after like FOUR SECONDS i went ''gimli!!'' so now i feel badly about leaving him out #to be fair the dwarves basically are identical to their canon selves as well except in pirate outfits and whatnot #but i usually forget to draw gimli anyway and i think it's because i don't have a proper design for him that i really like

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redbootsindoriath · 2 years

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@highlynerdy I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself once I saw your tag.

Because that is exactly what he would say.

There were many other comments I wanted to reply to, but I’m going to limit myself here.

@tolkien-feels -- Bilbo could probably speak Quenya in front of Thingol and live, that’s just the absurd amount of luck Bilbo has

Bilbo could probably mix Quenya and Sindarin in the same sentence in front of Thingol and get an affectionate laugh in response.

@quarantinedwanderer -- #now I’m imagining a passive aggressive cold war bt Thingol elrond and Thranduil over who gets to host Bilbo

Gandalf is laughing behind their backs over the fact that there’s a secret place where hobbits live in abundance and at least two of them are completely unaware of its location.

@carlandrea -- #also also bilbo sees luthien and he’s like. ah. new niece / young cousin to spoil #she’s much older than him #she appreciates it

...dude. I am so tempted to draw Lúthien and/or Melian meeting Bilbo now. They would both be so obsessed. Melian could probably hold Bilbo in her hand.

#bilbo #thingol #the man the myth the legends #beowulf except everybody is short #three shinies #my trash #is this actually funny or am i just tired #i'm sorry professor tolkien #/end classification tags #SO MANY GREAT TAGS #y'all i'm so happy people liked this post #also glad that nobody thought that thingol looked like a dancer or whatever in all his jewelry #like lowkey i was a bit worried about that

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redbootsindoriath · 2 years

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I did it. I drew Lúthien meeting Bilbo. They’ve adopted each other.

(Referencing tags I got on a reblog of this post)

#bilbo #lúthien #the man the myth the legends #beowulf except everybody is short #three shinies #canon is great and all but what if #/end classification tags #do i have a design for lúthien?#no #did that stop me from drawing this?#NOPE

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redbootsindoriath · 2 years

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My current headcanons for Third Age elven clothing styles

I’ve been saying I was going to do this since the first time I posted a drawing of Legolas on this blog. It’s definitely time to make good on that promise.

Come the Third Age, elves seem to be a little bit less spread-out than they were in the First Age. Of course there are some groups of them here and there who are just kind of doing their own thing, but for the sake of not dragging this post out for forever, I’m mostly going to stick to the main three elven kingdoms that we hear about in The Hobbit and LOTR. Sorry I don’t have drawings to accompany the descriptions right now. Maybe eventually I will.

To get this out of the way, disclaimers etc., these are almost exclusively my own headcanons rather than things Tolkien himself said. Also they are general styles rather than all-encompassing rules that I consistently follow to the exact detail so don’t come at me like “Oh but Tarva what about so-and-so which you drew whenever-it-was, if this character is from Lothlórien why did they look like they’re from Rivendell that one time” or whatever, individual characters have individual styles, I keep changing everything anyway, etc etc.

Mirkwood Mirkwood has possibly the most odd style, due to them being secluded and not caring what anybody thinks because the only people they do business with pften is Laketown and who cares what they say. Travel clothing materials are tough so you can snag them on underbrush and not have to worry about them tearing. Their tunics usually are very short, leaving the waist bare, for greater range of motion (since they live in the forest they’re always up and down trees and stuff). These “crop top” tunics also mean that they pack lighter for travel. Since Mirkwood is farther north and more hostile than many other forests, shoes are pretty much a requirement, but they’re generally very light shoes that can be taken off and attached to a belt or something if you’re going to be climbing a particularly tricksy tree and will need better mobility and grip. Mirkwood elves often wear leaves in their hair, both for camouflage and for aesthetic. On occasion they’ll put spots of pale paint on their bodies and faces to imitate the dapples on a deer’s flanks because they think it looks nice. Of the three best-known elf kingdoms, they’re the one with the most feral vibe.

Lothlórien Lothlorien elves wear grey and silver clothes and love shinies and stuff so their jewelry is all gems and stars and sparkly and chains as thin as spider webs; anyone who’s not royalty (or in direct and specialized service of royalty) has pads on the insides of their legs from the knees to the ankles for protection as they climb trees, and everything is made for climbing and disappearing in the shifting light and shadows. Lothlorien is where ethereal reigns supreme. By moonlight everyone looks like they’re made of mist and dew and spider silk and like they will evaporate when the sun rises; by day they look like shadows on water over a stony stream bed.

Rivendell Rivendell elves have long, sweeping clothes for maximum drama since they don’t really have to do a lot of fighting compared to the elves east of the Misty Mountains (and they’re also dramatic and have so many Ñoldor and those guys are Just Like That™). The jewelry is exquisite and the clothes are covered in rich embroidery: it’s clear that they’ve gathered the wisdom and skill of every race from every age of the world. Long capes and long robes and long hair for everyone. The people themselves look as rare and beautiful as the clothes they wear. This is the elven kingdom where you are most likely to find deep, rich colors; as soon as you walk into Rivendell you get the sense of being surrounded by wisdom and history and tradition, but simultaneously it feels unreal; everyone has a personal history thousands of years old but is still a child in their wonder of the world. Elves are climbing trees in floor-length satin mantles without getting caught on the branches, and singing nonsense songs on gem-encrusted harps that were brought from across the sea before the first sunrise. But somehow they’re still the least unnerving lot of elves in Middle Earth because at least they live in actual buildings instead of tree houses or caves and they probably won’t kill you on sight if you accidentally stumble upon their hideout.

TLDR: If you see a Mirkwood elf run past in the woods, you ask yourself “What the heck was that?” and now you’re on edge wondering what strange forest spirit you just disturbed. If you see a Lothlorien elf run past in the woods, you assume the light is just playing tricks with your eyes because “that was a strange shadow, I could have sworn it moved.” If you see a Rivendell elf run past in the woods, you’re awestruck and you begin wondering if reality really was what you always thought it was...for the rest of your life you keep wondering if you’ll see them again...

#the man the myth the legends #beowulf except everybody is short #one shiny #sometimes i overthink stuff #/end classification tags #''oh my gosh you FINALLY talked about the crop tops'' heck yeah i did #made y'all wait for it #i hope it was worth it

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redbootsindoriath · 2 years

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On a scale of Tolkien protagonists, how has your adventure been treating you?

I’m so sorry in advance to anyone who says Túrin.

Transcription:

[Bilbo:] “My adventure seemed inconvenient and had its share of hardships, but in the end I learned so much and came out a better person as a result. Plus I found a lot of cool keepsakes. I would go again if I could!” [Beren:] “I traveled through the most dangerous places in the world and encountered the most dangerous creatures, but my moral character was never shaken. I lost a hand and even died once, but my wife and I are an eternal example of undying love and loyalty, praised and remembered for millennia after our deaths. Everything I went through ended happily for me.” [Frodo:] “The trauma I experienced on my journey left me permanently scarred in more ways than one. But the world was saved because of my sacrifice. So I don’t regret my choices.” [Túrin:] “.......”

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redbootsindoriath · 2 years

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Joke basis: obcure Punchline: poorly executed Artwork: lazy Me: posting it anyway

Hotel: Trivago

Anyway, the summary of the joke is that Beleg’s side of Bard’s brain is what made him able to hit the gap in Smaug’s scales, and Túrin’s side is what made Smaug land on Laketown. Because incredibly good luck followed by incredibly bad luck. An uncommonly skilled shot followed by uncommonly massive destruction. If you’re confused about the premise of Beleg and Túrin being Bard’s shoulder gremlins, this post should help out a bit.

Transcription:

[Shoulder-Beleg:] “Yeeah! Woo! Still got it!” [Shoulder-Túrin:] “What are you looking at me for??”

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redbootsindoriath · 3 years

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You know how...like...editors and stuff will tell you it’s not a good idea to reuse names in the same story?

#the man the myth the legends #beowulf except everybody is short #one shiny #three shinies #everyone deserved better except mîm #what's this a happy ending #the libraries of minas tirith #is this actually funny or am i just tired #i'm sorry professor tolkien #/end classification tags #i'm like 90% sure i missed some duplicates too #this is turning into such a trash blog i'm so sorry #i promised myself i was only going to put original content on this blog #well #i never said what QUALITY the original content would be right?

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redbootsindoriath · 3 years

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Today I am here to convince you that Bard isn’t just any ordinary hero character, nor is he a single ordinary character. Let me explain.

We have, presented to us in The Hobbit, an edgy, dark-haired, pessimistic man who seems to have no fear around dragons, almost as if he’s encountered them before (even though he hasn’t).

However! His go-to weapon is a yew bow and black arrow, he kind of just seems to roll with whatever happens, he can talk to some kinds of animals/birds, and he can shoot a smaller-than-your-fist sized target moving at high speeds at night (with apparently no effort at all).

Allow me to offer a conspiracy theory: the Valar knew that someone was going to have to defeat Smaug eventually. Mandos went through the Halls asking who had experience with dragon-slaying, and of course nobody did because we don’t have any canon example of elves actually killing dragons. Beleg was like “Well I know a guy who killed a dragon once” and Mandos was like “Oh?” and he was like “Yeah you remember Túrin?” and they ended up in this whole argument about how only elves get to be reborn, and finally Mandos agreed to let Túrin back as long as he had an elf “carrier” to go with him, and obviously Beleg volunteered, so yeah. New crack theory where Bard’s subconscious is actually Beleg and Túrin so he gets dreams and stuff about their lives and he can’t figure out why he seems to have two very separate and distinct sides to his personality or why he has these phantom memories that slip away whenever he tries to pin them down.

This is why he suggests knocking down the bridge the very first thing when he realizes Smaug is coming to Laketown.

#bard #the man the myth the legends #beowulf except everybody is short #three shinies #everyone deserved better except mîm #canon is great and all but what if #once more from the top #we're not in doriath anymore toto #sometimes i overthink stuff #don't mind me #is this actually funny or am i just tired #i'm sorry professor tolkien #/end classification tags #okay but this isn't actually how i pictured bard looking before now #it kinda just accidentally happened #he pretty now #i don't make the rules #adding túrin into the mix will do that

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redbootsindoriath · 3 years

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Elves being super obsessed with hobbits is one of my favorite things ever.

Transcription:

[Elrond:] “Nobody would judge you, if you stayed in Rivendell, you know.” [Elrond:] “This quest is stupid. You definitely shouldn’t go (especially Bilbo).” [Elrond:] “THoRin CaN’t be TrUSTeD. BiLBo ShoULd StAY hErE.” [Gandalf:] “Dude stop trying to steal my hobbit.”

#bilbo #elrond #gandalf #thorin #the man the myth the legends #beowulf except everybody is short #my trash #is this actually funny or am i just tired #i'm sorry professor tolkien #past tarva speaks #/end classification tags #yes this is more of a joke about the movies than the books #i watch the movies too #sue me #it just cracks me up every time i watch it how much elrond likes bilbo #and i mean that was in the lotr books so

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redbootsindoriath · 3 years

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Observations made while reading The Hobbit after taking like a two year break, Chapters 10-13

I know that they added the whole river chase with the barrels and the orcs and the elves to heighten the drama for the movie, but the mental image from the book of the wood elves just calmly derping down the river on a barrel-raft full of dwarves is way too funny.

I can’t believe how much extra stuff the movies added to the dwarves’ arrival in Laketown. Geez.

The door to the mountain: *literally billowing smoke* The dwarves: “I dunno man, Smaug might be dead anyway, you can never know.”

I’m not one for shipping much, but honestly, OTP: Tolkien x his hecking secret paths described in extreme detail, am I right?

The dwarves’ beards are long enough that Bombur considers accidentally stepping on his own beard to be a distinct possibility.

Chapter 12: in which Tolkien goes on and on for a whole paragraph about how lame dwarves are, starting with “The most that can be said for the dwarves is this” and ending with “some are...decent enough people...if you don’t expect too much.” Ladies and gentlehobbits, I think we can all agree that Tolkien had a least favorite Middle Earth race.

“Since Men changed the language that they learned of elves in the days when all the world was wonderful.” .........when all the world...was wonDERFUL. Um, the First Age called, it wants its trauma back.

The dwarves and Bilbo sitting there discussing historical records of dragons being defeated. I can’t believe it never occurred to me before that they’d be including Glaurung’s and Ancalagon’s defeats in that.

Thorin referring to Bilbo’s calling for help as “squeaking” is beautiful.

Okay but all the dwarves, Thorin included, are so much more logical in the book. It wouldn’t go across well in a movie, very undramatic and practical, so I can see why they changed it, but still.

The description of cram is hilarious.

#the man the myth the legends #beowulf except everybody is short #don't mind me #/end classification tags #bet you thought you'd seen the last of this #NOPE #i've been very very slowly continuing to read #it's taking me so long this time tho lol #not sure why #(aside from the fact that my schedule is super unpredictable but i mean--)

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redbootsindoriath · 3 years

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Observations made while reading The Hobbit after taking like a two year break, Chapters 6-9

I love the moments in Tolkien’s books where it just casually mentions animals talking, or objects being sentient, and then moves on without further comment.

I would give a lot to be able to fly on the back of one of those eagles.

Tolkien, to C.S. Lewis: “You should keep your story universe believable and not so childish.” Also Tolkien, writing The Hobbit: “The dogs could stand on their hind-legs when they wished, and carry things with their fore-feet. Quickly they got out boards and trestles from the side walls and set them up near the fire...”

The fact that the movies added all sorts of extra comedic and outlandish stuff but didn’t include the bears’ dance outside Beorn’s house kind of ticks me off. It sounds so cool...

Unpopular opinion: Mirkwood sounds like a really cool place to visit.

The fact that after Bombur woke up he had forgotten everything that had happened so far on the adventure is...really eerie to me somehow.

“No sooner had the first of them stepped into the clearing than all the lights went out as if by magic.” ..........okay but was it by magic?? Is this something I should be including in my wood-elves headcanons, or were there actually elves standing by the torches, elves whose sole job it was to put out the lights in the unlikely event of someone coming into the clearing, whom the dwarves just failed to notice?

So what exactly are the rules of what the Ring makes invisible? The spiders can see Sting when Bilbo uses it but now when it’s in its sheath, so does it have something to do with the percentage of surface contact with the person wearing the Ring.....?

Tolkien: “What was [Bilbo] to do? If he cut the string which hung him up, the wretched dwarf would tumble thump to the ground a good way below.” Peter Jackson: “Haha dwarf go thump bump.”

Fili had to cut off most of his beard because it was full of spider silk. Poor guy didn’t even have a long beard to begin with in the movie, he must have pretty bad luck when it comes to facial hair.

Thranduil being particularly fond of wine is....from the book, not from the movie. I can’t believe I forgot about that.

Where’s the Galion fanfiction? He has just enough personality (and attitude) in the book that you’d really expect him to be a more popular character.

#the man the myth the legends #beowulf except everybody is short #don't mind me #/end classification tags #this series continues #to the regret and annoyance of all #it is taking me SO LONG to get through this book #2021 has been really weird so far #things keep coming up and i keep getting distracted

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