Gladdest (Soulmate AU)
For this, I’ll be using the soulmate AU where what happens to your soulmate’s body happens to you. I’m not sure who originally came up with this. Basically, how it works, is like, if your soulmate gets punched in the face, you feel like you’ve been punched in the face. If your soulmate dies, you don’t die, but you feel it. Same with broken bones, you’ll feel it, but your arm won’t actually be broken. But not just pain, other stuff. Like if your soulmate cries, you’ll feel it, but you don’t cry unless they’re super heartbroken, or if they get a really good hug you feel it, too. In my version of this AU, the pain and other feeling doesn’t start until you turn sixteen. Imagine how fucked up it would be if that wasn’t the case and you had a partner older than you? Like, while 13-year old Bill gets in a fight, his soulmate, who is only 3, feels the same punches and kicks. It’d be so fucked up.
warnings: nsfw (but no actual sex, just a lot of talking about it [and masturbation] and some sexually tense scenes), the reader nearly has a panic attack (again, i know, sorry. what can I say? I project), & reader has a thing for.... erotic asphyxiation. let me know if i missed anything.
I am very open to writing a part two with smut... I just chickened out with this because I felt it wouldn’t be good writing.
You’d been sixteen for a little while now, and there hadn’t been much contact from your soulmate aside from the occasional feel of a phone falling on your face and smacking it.
It’s the beginning of a new school year at Xavier’s, and you’re pretty thrilled. Your roommate this year is your best friend, Ellie. Okay, not just your best friend, she’s your crush, too. Do I really have to say, at this point?
“Hey,” she greets you, sounding rather sullen as she enters your dorm, where you sit on the edge of your bed.
“What’s up?” you ask.
“I turned sixteen over the summer and I haven’t felt anything to give me a hint. All my soulmate does is cry.”
“All my soulmate does is drop their phone on their face,” you offer a complaint in return, and the two of you lock eyes for a moment, one of realization.
“No,” Ellie says. “No.” She’s bright red, immediately thinking of just how many hot summer nights she was kept up, orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, gasping for breath at the way her soulmate’s fingers curled just right, just fucking right. There’s no way you, her crush and her best friend, were that good.
“No, can’t be,” you agree.
“Could be,” she reminds you.
“It’d make sense,” you admit.
“I hate everyone else but you.”
“We could try to find out,” you suggest.
She pinches herself.
“Ow! Not like that!” You whine, clutching at your arm. “Oh, well, I guess it’s too late th-” Ellie cuts you off with her eyes alone.
“Where does all that energy come from, Y/N?! What are you, the Energizer bunny?! At least three times a night, every night! What the hell?!”
You blush deeply, scratching the back of your neck. You hadn’t exactly expected you’d meet your soulmate anytime soon, or that they’d be bold enough to comment on your habits.
“I dunno, I thought it was normal for kids our age…” you mumble.
“Oh, yeah, well some people like sleeping and not screaming into the pillow because their soulmate has a little too much fun doing the five finger shuffle!”
“Please, louder. I think a few people in Antarctica didn’t hear you,” you retort, looking up at her from where you were sitting with a challenging expression.
“We’ve been friends for all this time and I never knew what a horny bastard you are,” she remarks.
“Well, I’m not the one who was ‘screaming’ in pleasure,” you mutter.
“I heard that!” she says, her expression still adorably indignant.
“If you hated it so much, you should’ve just got those over the counter meds, Antifel or whatever.”
“I- I…” She sighs. “Yeah, I didn’t hate it that much,” she admits, and you smile a bit. “But I wasn’t a fan of the choking,” she adds, gesturing at your scarf, your favorite one that she never would’ve guessed hides the bruises from where you’ve choked yourself with a belt, at least not before. “I’m more of a choker than a ‘chokee’, but, I guess that’d be obvious, wouldn’t it? Considering we’re soulmates and all.”
You nod, your eyes now on your lap, the floor, her tee shirt, the lamp in the corner, anything that isn’t her eyes, and she smirks.
“Oh, so now you’re shy?”
“A little,” you quietly reply, and she sits next to you on your bed.
“Let’s cool down,” she offers. “We’ve just seen each other after months of purely texting and the occasional phone call.”
“Thanks,” you respond, finding it easier to breathe.
“Why were you crying so much?” Ellie asks, addressing her original observation.
“Just depressed and lonely and stuff. I don’t have friends in my hometown, not like you.”
“You’ll always have me,” she says. “I mean it.”
“I’d hope so, soulmate,” you laugh off the seriousness of the conversation, and she sighs, looking to your eyes with her own soulful ones.
“I’m glad it’s you,” she tells you. “I don’t think I’d be able to stand anyone else.”
“Yeah, right!” you huff out a laugh, confused at her sudden emotional openness. Sure, she was more honest about her feelings with you than anyone else, but that didn’t mean that she was a completely open book. Who was?
“You’re not disappointed, are you?” Ellie wonders because of your remark.
“God, no! I- I actually have a really big crush on you,” you admit.
“Yeah?” she asks, the cutest little grin on her face, you know the one. “I have a crush on you, too.”
You blush again.
“Sorry… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m not very good at flirting or anything like that. I don’t really care about much of anyone at all, and you’re definitely the only person I’ve really cared about in a romantic way, so…”
“No, it’s not that! I- You- You being really good at flirting is what’s got me like this. And the fact that I’m a dork who’s really bad at flirting contributes,” you explain.
“I am? Good at flirting, I mean.”
“Well, with me, at least,” you tell her.
“Um… Sorry if it’s lame to ask, but… Can I kiss you?”
“Of course! And it’s not lame to ask at all, El, I appreciate it actua- Mmf!”
You could live forever in the feeling of her lips on yours, her hands oh-so carefully holding your cheeks.
“Sorry,” she shyly says, as she slowly pulls away from you, looking in your eyes. “I’ve just been wanting to do that for a really, really long time. Pretty much since we met, actually.”
“R-really?” you ask, a bit breathless and definitely still flustered.
“Yeah, you’re perfect. In, like, every way. It’s the worst and the best.”
“I’m perfect?! But you’re- You’re you!” you argue, and she shakes her head, rolling her eyes. “I’m so lucky.”
“No, I’m the lucky one,” she disagrees.
“We can both be lucky,” you tell her, and she sighs.
“I suppose that’s a good compromise,” she decides. “So, what should we do before dinner? We’ve got a couple hours to kill, but I don’t think either of us has much more to say that wouldn’t be repetitive or… Something.” She blushes again, cheeks bright pink.
You blush back, reminded that she knew all about you and the things you did to yourself behind doors. “R-right,” you reply. Hey, you may be a horny motherfucker, but that doesn’t make you any less of a bottom.
“Can I see?” she asks, touching at your scarf. You nod, and she unwraps the scarf. She carefully touches the spotted bruises with her fingers. “With the belt you’re wearing?”
You can’t even speak. You nod, and the ghost of a smile graces her face before she just barely presses her lips to the bruises closest to her, on the side of your neck. Your hand quickly grabs her bicep tightly, and she stops, looking to you with concern.
“I’m so sorry, I got a bit carried aw-”
“No, no, it’s good, I’m just… Sensitive there,” you admit, and one of the biggest smiles you’ve seen her wear is on her lips.
“Yeah?” she asks, taking her crossbody bag off of her shoulder and opening it. She takes out a bottle of Antifel pills. “How sensitive?”
“Oh God, um… I- Um…” Your nerves are really getting to you, and your breathing gets heavier as you stare at the bottle. This is really happening. It’s really happening. You’d always wanted to, especially with her, but now that it’s a reality, you feel on the brink.
Ellie can recognize that look in your eyes, and it’s a look she’d hoped she’d never be the cause of.
“Shit, Y/N. What’s going on? Talk to me.”
“I- Um, I just- I want to? But I- I just- I don’t know, it’s just getting really hard to breathe, and uh, not in a hot way,” you joke nervously.
“Hey, you can want to and not be ready to right this minute. We haven’t even been on a date yet, okay? I’m really sorry if I made you feel like you had to do anything you didn’t want to,” Ellie tells you, and she feels immensely guilty either way.
“No! I liked you kissing me, especially where you did, but, you’re right. We should probably adjust to the news and put a label on whatever this is before we do anything too serious.”
Ellie nods. “You always were the more logical one. I’ll put these in the medicine cabinet and we can just… Talk about stuff, like we always do.”
“But with more kissing and cuddling, I hope?” you request, and she nods, going to put the bottle away before returning to find you bundled up in her comforter. “It’s so cozy…” you practically sing, at least to her.
“This is a dream,” she sighs happily, slipping off her shoes and joining you in her bed. You spoon her side, and she hums in content, stroking your hair.
“You’re in a good mood,” you comment. Ellie is not a very cheerful person, at least not openly. So, to see her like this was surprising.
“Yeah, of course I am. It’s you. It’s really you. I’ve never been happier in my life,” she says, having really been hit with the fact that you’re her soulmate. All hers. “All mine…” she hums.
“You really know how to make a girl feel special… I mean it. I’m really not all that.”
“Please be my girlfriend,” she requests.
“Only if you’ll be mine,” you reply, and she scoffs.
“I think that’s how that works, babe.”
Your heart skips a beat and you stare at her in wonder.
“Sorry for not asking if pet names were okay…It’s just something I like, it’s really stupid.”
“No, I really like it, hence the dumb stare and the lack of breathing.”
She chuckles, holding you tighter. You smile with her, glad that she’s happy.
“I hope you don’t feel like you have to over-exaggerate how happy you are. It’s okay if you’re not ridiculously happy about finding your soulmate.”
“Oh, no, I’m as happy as I sound. I’m, uh, definitely a textbook case of Lesbian That’s A Grumpy Bitch Til She Gets A Girlfriend. But then again, I’ll probably just be a significantly less grumpy bitch to everyone but you, sorry.”
“I don’t mind, I like you being your bitchy self,” you reply, being rewarded with a kiss placed atop your head that sends tingles dancing down your body. “Mm… I like that.”
“Good,” Ellie responds. “I’m glad.”
“I’m gladder,” you tease.
“I’m gladdest...”
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So like. Some people were kinda confused by the scattered posts and talking from my mutuals bout my new medical issues so I’m just going to quickly explain stuff here rather than to everyone individually. Anyways below this is my horror story of my gallbladder so far. No I did not have surgery yet but I’m scheduling stuff tomorrow when their office is open from the holidays. I’m alright now but occasionally still in pain and have been p much forced onto a diet.
Anyways without further ado, have the extended story of how 2016 fucked me up one more time right at the end. Anyways, I’m avoiding the majority of the gross details (the worst being probably my ultrasound and the pain which was bad)
My gallbladder got infected AND has gallstones (which is like a complicated thing im not gonna explain but long story short: OW) which happened some time just before christmas (the infection part).
Anyways I thought I had the flu the day after so I was tryna rest and stuff but all day on the 26th and 27th I was sick super bad and wasn’t able to eat. and on the 28th i was STILL sick superbad but the pain i thought was just the flu had just gotten super intense. And by that I mean when my moms boyfriend drove me to the hospital I cried at every bump. I was in so much pain it had just taken over my whole stomach and made it hard to walk and move and do anything p much (which was why I had been going to the hospital)
So anyways my mom had work in the morning and so did her boyfriend so nobody was able to stay there with me (and hospitals terrify me, for the record). So anyways I finally get to a room in emerge and the doctor comes in and THANK GOD it had been long enough for the initial tests to come in so I didn’t have to tell them I was a virgin and therefore Not Pregnant 30 billion times (because as a girl going to the hospital for stomach issues, thats their first thought). So he has me lay on my back and then starts pressing on my stomach and I screamed really loud and was caught between shaking and holding still because it hurt so bad i didnt want to move but like. He kept pressing on different places trying to find out where the pain was worst and it was on the right side (which I couldn’t really tell before since it had p much taken over half my body) which is Bad. Like, pain in the right side of your stomach is bad and they thought it was my appendix maybe so I got told I was going to get an xray and an ultrasound.
Which freaked me out.
So after he left the room my nurse came in and told me that it’d only be a few more minutes and then I was having a small anxiety attack so she helped talk me through some questions I had about the type of ultrasound the doctor had planned (bc it was originally gonna be one of the insert-smth-in-your-body ones) and told her I had anxiety issues (which will come up again later). Anyways she explained things in a way that made me feel less scared and then told me it would be painless and how it worked and made sure I was ok before going.
A few minutes later a guy comes in and puts the thing they put IVs in you into my arm and then injected me with morphine and some fluids and then walked me down to wait for my xray (which was so fucking painful lemme tell you. hes lucky the drugs were good or id have passed out by then but again: anxiety. I was too scared to ask for a wheelchair to go there).
So then they do my x-ray and the lady walked me to the ultrasound room. Not sure why (either from dehydration or because the nurse told them i was anxious about the other type) but I got the normal type of ultrasound. Which, idk if all of you have gotten one before, but theyre generally painless. Generally. They coat your belly in gel and then rub it with this thing that shows them your stomach-- painless. And by then the screeching roar of pain had dulled down a bit. Enough for it to only hurt in some places rather than all.
Anyways, she starts and I start crying right away. Like not moving, but tears everywhere. She had to guide my breathing the whole time (okay hun I need you to breathe. deep breath and hold it. okay now breathe, i know it hurts im sorry) and like I don’t know how long I was in there but it felt like forever and I was just in SO much pain the whole time even with the morphine in me.
Anyways bless her soul when she realized I had walked there she just “haha fuck that no i am wheeling you back you are not walking” only more polite and like when I answered I had walked she had this “im going to kill someone on your behalf” look on her face. So yeah she wheeled me back and told me she couldnt tell me about what she had seen on the thing (as they send it to a professional to get the reading) but she had a worried look which left me super anxious.
Ten-ish minutes not even later, the doctor comes back in, along with the nurse. He tells me that theyre admitting me and that it’s my gallbladder. He mentions its infected and my mind just goes blank with terror because when my mom had her gallbladder out it got infected amd she almost died. And at that time it didnt matter that my older sister and like two or three of my aunts had gotten theirs out with no problems, my mind just went straight to “oh my god I am going to die immediately there is no hope Im going to die alone right here in this room”. And the doctor is a bit patronizing and keeps asking me if I understand whats going on and what hes telling me and I just keep nodding and saying yeah and he left me with the nurse to go over the other stuff and I lost it. Like I had asked if I could call my mom (who I knew would understand WHY my anxiety attack had turned to a panic attack) and the nurse had been about to say that she had to go over some medical stuff first but when I broke down she quickly (bless her soul) got me my phone and let me call my mom right away (because again, I was alone at the hospital).
So yeah Im full blown panic mode and I get my mom on the phone and I barely get out “mom its my gallbladder” before i can no longer talk because I’m having trouble breathing. So my moms talking and asking me things (trying to see how bad it is) and I just am having trouble keeping up the conversation because I’m crying so hard so the nurse offers to talk to her and explains what all is going on to my mom for me properly and how bad it is (again, bless this ER nurse because she’s literally my hero). So my mom had mentioned “yeah when I had mine out I almost died from an infection” and my nurse just “yeaahhh lets not tell her that” but the thing is I already knew it was one of the scariest parts of my life and my mom said that and she kinda got how bad it was. Anyways so she gives my phone back and left to go get me something for my anxiety and my mom is telling me to call her if anything comes up and I knew she had to work in the morning so I’m trying to be calmer (because my mom needs p much all the hours that she gets, our family never has had too much money) and I went to ask if she could have her boyfriend or my sister or aunt or someone come sit with me the next day and my voice broke and it was a big sobfest and she just “I’m going to call in right now and drive up there” and Im trying to tell her not to but she just “I wouldnt be able to work with you there alone ANYWAYS” and stayed on with me while she was getting ready then when the nurse came back let me go so she could call her work (it’s community living so theres someone there 24 hours a day to answer, but either way its like one in the morning)
So the nurse brought me a pill for anxiety and chilled with me until it was time to send me up and ALSO had the pill ordered for the floor I was on so Id be able to have one if I had another attack. Now, like taking care of patients is one thing but she was an honest to god angel okay. Like she went way above and beyond what she needed to do and was super kind the whole time and even helped me pack up the little bit of stuff I had. Like good nurses in my hospital arent anything new but she was incredible and I can’t express that enough.
anyways when I’m up in the room they let me wait for my mom to get there (I was put in the old ppl ward because it had the first bed open on that floor, since it shares one with OB). When my mom got there they went over stuff with her and they said they’d know by morning if I was responding well enough to anti-biotics or if I needed an emergency surgery (which wouldve meant the inflamation/infection was very, VERY bad and not getting better). By then Ive mellowed out because morphine + anxiety medication = the highest Jean you ever did see. So I sign some papers and my mom asks more questions and then the nurse leaves (again, I was super high on the crap they gave me so I don’t really remember this part too clearly). But my mom stayed with me until I was falling asleep then gave me a hug and kissed and promised to be back in the morning when the surgeon would make the call.
Morning comes and I wake up and I woke up in too much pain to even try moving enough to hit the red page-y button for a good few minutes. Anyways when I do they bring me pain meds and they take a little while to kick in (as it was oral ones and not morphine this time) but kick in they did and by the time my mom got there (like half an hour later, its a 20ish minute drive from her place) I was very much high again (albeit still in pain).
So we wait for FOREVER for the doctor to come in and I get the news that I don’t need surgery right away but DO still need it. Annnnddd then I’m told Im spending another night there which was blah. I was also told that I wasnt allowed to eat or drink anything and that I’d be on antibiotics and fluids through my arm since they had to flush out my system or whatever.
She sat with me most of the day and chatted with the older lady’s son who was my moms age nd really nice to me even tho i spent most of the day half asleep nd full of painmeds. Anyways aroundlike 2ish? they took me to another room with a new nurse (this one in OB where I was supposed to be) and the guy wished me good luck and joked around bout how they’d loan me a wheelchair because his mom had like 4 different varieties in there ok. So in OB I had my own room and it was super big and the bed was super comfy,
Anyways my mom had to leave and let her dogs out and take care of my animals at my place so I laid there and napped off and on between pain meds and messaged some people and such. I kept dozing off on everyone though and needing to take breaks from talking and honestly theres not much to tall about this part. I slept and slept and my mom came back later and brought me a colouring book, a change of clothes, toothpaste nd toothbrush. Whcih is important because the morphine made my mouth taste gross and I wasnt allowed to have water even. Toothpaste with a gross mouth is a blessing. Boi, the things you appreciate when in the hospital lemme tell you.
Anyways I had to stay another night, this one less eventful and with less pain. I slept the whole thing nd in the morning I was feeling good enough to get up without pain meds (which i didnt need the rest of the day either woohoo). And my appetite came back (I hasn’t eaten since christmas night and even then, not that much as i didnt want food really. I hadn’t really been eating much at all that day or the couple before it) which was both good and bad... good because it meant I was getting better and bad because I was FUCKING HUNGRY OH MY GOD. But I had been dying for a drink since the day before so when later that day one of the peeps came in with apple juice and ice water I was so happy. When I was able to handle that ok I got a liquid lunch (jello, a popsicle nd broth and MORE APPLEJUICE!!!) and it was good. I got discharged not long after nd then got to go home after getting antibiotics nd pain pills.
So now the plan is to book a follow up tomorrow (since the office was closed due to the holidays) and then i go in for surgery round the middle of february. Which means I’ll probably be in the hospital on my birthday which is, you know, wonderful. Although the bright side is I’ll probably get pity presents. Maybe I’ll get a pity party. BUT I’M NO LONGER ALLOWED CAKE SO IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER.
Like I’m not on an as-little-fat-as-possible diet until its out since fattty stuff will iritate/inflame it again. I also have to avoid sugar or eating a lot at once so. Bright side I’ll probably lose the weight ive been trying to get off downside i cant eat fucking anything and i hate everything 60% of the time.
But ya that’s my story if you read this far ilu nd thanks for listening to me bitch
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