#been thinking over rereading it and just posting it as is with an abandoned tag

[undercoverpena]

PSA

re: hope they caught us

EDIT NEW MASTERLIST HERE

so, after a lot of thinking, i've decided to take hope they caught us down from AO3 and will be taking it from tumblr down today.

this isn't because im abandoning it, but rather because i want to refresh and rewrite it, with me uploading it back here and on AO3 soon.

lately, i've been learning a lot about myself and one thing I've noticed is that when i'm giddy and happy about something, it feels infectious in my work. i feel it even when i read it back.

this series is missing that in it's current form and i think it's because when i began writing it, i wasn't that happy in myself. while the beginning feels like me, it quickly doesn't by chapter three, and rereading it back made that so obvious to me. i think it's why i began to feel on edge about the series, why it was so easy to put it on hiatus.

but deep down, i love them. i want the best for these two characters I've spent a lot of time with. but the piece misses my voice, the one you love, the one I LOVE and the one i'm proud of. and that's why I've made the decision i have.

at the core, the story will be the same. so if you loved the premise and the ideology, that won't change. but that romcom-esque charm in the first part of the series that got lost along the way will be back. because that isn't an accident, that is me at my core.

that is my writing voice.

and i want to reclaim that back, and the only way i can think of doing that successfully (and by making myself happy) is to knock the house down and rebuild it all over again.

this does also mean I'll be changing the name, more for my own headspace than anything else.

i know that some of you will be disappointed, and it's okay if you don't understand my reasoning, just as it's OK if you're disappointed - they're both valid feelings for you.

but, i need to do this for me. and i'm pretty confident in thinking that you'll support me regardless (and i think it's okay to say i think you'll love what I've been concocting).

if you've reached the end of this message, thank you for your time. i don't usually do tag lists, but if you're interested in being notified when the first chapter is re-uploaded, please let me know and I'll be sure to let you know. it's the least I can do. AN: i won't be committing to a weekly schedule, but it will be more routinely posted and I'm hoping the first chapter will be up soon.

#jo: htcu #jo: psa

[evilwickedme]

This wasn't asked for because nobody in their right mind would ask for this but this is a fic rec list of fics I cannot stop rereading

Just started yet another reread of Inimitable Verse by deniigiq and I fully plan on rereading their into the multiverse series which occasionally crosses over also - this is a Spider-Man/team red focused series, think comics canon infused early mcu-spidey since only homecoming had come out for a non substantial amount of time they were working on the series and the daredevil stuff is explicitly tv show AND comics. Also the multiverse series is how I got into Murderdock and therefore how I got into Spider Gwen

Unpretty's Sorrowful And Immaculate Hearts series which is just a loosely interconnected series of DC fics. My personal favorites are Empty Graves, in which Martha Kent keeps killing time travelers trying to kill baby! Clark; any of their clois fics but especially Third Wheel; and Anti-Social, which is a social media fic mostly about Tim and Bruce that made me cry laughing. Catch Bruce trying to get Walmart's employees to unionize. Also shout out to unpretty's only fic with Jason in it, it looks awesome but is tragically incomplete

This particular Reverse Robin AU which put in the work to reverse every single younger generation and is chef's kiss I LOVE this version of Tim he's wild

Both of Shoalsea's fics are in constant rotation for me I talk about Into The Brighter Night all the time in the tags of reblogs and stuff it truly lives in my head rent free. Anyway Tim gets kidnapped by aliens and the batfam have to watch as yj98 saves him and it's angsty and funny and such a good take on what could have been if the new 52 hadn't happened. And Compassion Builds No House is about Tim and Pru from Red Robin. Ugh they're both so good

Speaking of Clois (I did you've just forgotten this by now) brilliant (like a confession) by kathkin (penny-anna on the hellsite) is so fucking good I'm. Okay. Anyway it'll be listed as inspiration if/when I finally post my two person love triangle fic for them

I'm too anxious to catch up on this before it's done but jumble sale chic is hands down the best spideydevil fic series despite and because of the omegaverse

Make A Little Birdhouse In Your Soul is my favorite take on Jason, period, and has a lot of fantastic Damian stuff going on too. It's updating every few weeks still! Sometimes more often! I love you bacondoughnut it's me JustGail the person who will not stop commenting on your fic you're stuck with me forever

I lied above Rumspringa Murderdock is what got me into Murderdock but that series is second place. I found this one while scrolling through the tv show's mattfoggy tag, thinking I was safe

Speaking of Murderdock mattfoggy, The Lawyer All the Wickedness was written early on in spider-gwen's history and so diverges from canon really early in ways that I think are super interesting and creative

Oh also straight on 'til morning by merils (Tumblr url mamawasatesttube) does SUCH a great job unpacking Kon's trauma and building up healthy relationships around him including a budding timkon romance and yeah it makes me sad and happy at the same time

We're getting into poisonivory territory so just trust if you like the pairing and poisonivory is writing it you'll like it. Ok rapidfire

Like A Handprint On My Heart mattfoggy soulmate au with a twist

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? Damijon future fic/au. Jon came back from the future when both of them were 19. Demisexual!Damian at its best. Damian's terrified of being abandoned by Jon again and it made my heart hurt

I feel like I've already recommended every JayRoy fic by poisonivory and genuinely I do reread them all, sometimes in order of publication if I'm in a particular mood. Maybe the one I've read most though is I've Got the Feeling You're the Right Thing After All which is about Roy and Jason starting a fwb thing while Roy still harbors old feelings for Dick. Can't see anything going wrong here lmao

Mmm this post is long enough so I'll leave it at just superhero fic for now but I do in fact have the ability to do a whole post just for the Witcher or Leverage so I might do that. Anyway thanks for following me on yet another burst of insanity it will happen again

#fic recs #team red #spiderman #mattfoggy #murderdock #daredevil #spideydevil #damijon #timkon #jayroy #clois #batfam #superfam #marvel comics #dd tv #marvel #dc #gail speaks #if I didn't also list their tumblr urls we're not mutuals #although obviously a lot of them are in fact on tumblr

[soup-scope]

DUN DUN!

You have been bitten by the mutual virus. To cure yourself, you must provide one reason why you follow each of your mutuals before sending this to others (whether mutuals or not) while in anon.

Good luck!

This… is gonna be so long…..

@star-sheeps : absolutely fucking hilarious. i always catch myself giggling whenever i see one of ur posts!! i also loved the ‘styling the listeners’ lil series u were doing i love fashion content sm. you were also one of the first people i followed when i first joined the redacted fandom🫡🫡

@caramel-metal : you somehow find the funniest shit to ever exist. your blog is a genuine gold mine for content i would’ve have seen otherwise it’s so‼️‼️‼️‼️

@taelonsamada : i thought it was a mistake when u followed me back 😭😭 but ī absolutely ADORE your writing. i constantly find myself rereading between me you and the fence post ehehehe. i’m gonna be ordering your new book soon and i’ve been vibrating at a frequency that’s impossible to witness with the naked eye (translation: im very excited)

@davidsfanclub : ANOTHER PERSON THAT MAKES ME GIGGLE. i loved ur angel design the first time i saw them and it’s genuinely infected and rotted my brain like THATS how i see angel too now omg. a very creative mind that makes me want to nibble on it

@artbykays : another person who i thought followed me back by mistake. *THE* best listener designs omg. THE ANGEL DESIGN EVER. AAAAAAAAAAAA. i genuinely love ur redacted art sm i had heart palpitations the day u followed me back

@basiliskbrews : another one of my first moots!!! i love citrus with a burning passion. i witnessed u rebrand ur blog and i still absolutely adore all and any content you put out. your vega and warden design has me frothing and convulsing on the ground like a fish abandoned on a deck.

@mothmayhem : I MISS YOU💕💕💕 another moot that has me giggling and kicking my feet. constantly has me twirling my hair and laughing ehehehe. i still can’t get over how you CALLED the david and asher proposals like dawg. how

@beedoes-stuff : GIGGLE ALERT. aka another moot that makes me laugh my ass off. not only do u post absolute bangers you have a tendency to reblog them too and i always have to put my phone down for a few mins

@themonotonysyndrome : it took me three tries to spell ur user right. we got another castin lover in this house 🤝🤝 i want to bite you on the head and then maul you. (all said with love and extreme amounts of affection) I LOVE HOW U TALK ABOUT BRIGHT AAAAA. i want to take a gigantic chunk out of ur writing i love it sm it has me rolling around and flailing

@falkea : MISS YOU💕💕. THE ANGEL DESIGN THAT EXECUTED ME ON THE SPOT. i hit the floor when u followed me back like my mouth was AGAPE. your quinn and darlin art genuinely changed my brain chemistry i will never be the same. a very big art inspiration for me. i shake with anticipation whenever i wait for ur next posts.

@vaselinepot : sometimes all you need is a silly lil moot who says the funniest shit unprompted. sometimes i have to put my phone down and breathe. i miss u vaseline come home

@darlin-collins : ANOTHER MOOT THAT MAKES ME LAUGH. YALL ARE FUNNY AS FUCK. however whenever you talk about the imperium i have to mentally prepare myself to be mentally and physically crushed.

@jollyfang : I LOVE THE REDACTED ART SM AAAAAA. another person who’s follow sent me into cardiac arrest. THE GAVIN DESIGN THAT HAD ME SWEATING. i love how you draw portraits it has me falling in love with ur art all over again when i see that u post.

@thevqid : i think we need to sit down and have a talk. idk about what. i just know that one of us isn’t leaving that room alive. said with all the love i can possibly muster. i love u tho💕💕

@beemybella : genuinely one of the sweetest people i’ve ever interacted with. i love being on ur tag list smth whenever you post it tosses me out of artblock and FILLS me with inspiration 💕💕

@konnorhasapen : PIRATE AU PIRATE AU AAAAAAAAA. i love your writing sm i need to be beaten back with a stick. i’m going to fist fight with you in a parking lot one of these days. i’m so glad you made it back into ur account. i love u sm from afar i feel like a maiden waiting for her husband to return home from the war.

@bratty-telepath : so shape. so shape. i love how stylized your work is. make an art book. please. graphic design IS your passion like pls spare some good character designs and interesting layouts for the rest of us. another moot who id be down the fist fight. this is a fight that i know id get my ass kicked during tho. like my body bent at angles no one is capable of. said with love ofc

@lovesstateofmatter : i always forget we’re moots until you interact with my shit and i bounce around for 5 minutes straight. YOUR BLAKE AND ELLIOT ART. I STILL THINK ABOUT IT. that’s fr how i imagine them now 😭😭

@friendly-waffles : TANKTANKTANKTANKTANK I LOBE UR TANK DESIGJ SM AAAAAAA. AND ANGEL AAAAA. i want to bite your art and SHAKE like a rabid animal. i think about ur sam and darlin art daily. i hit the floor when we became moots

@peraltuki : THE WWDITS X REDACTED VIDS 😭😭 we joined the redacted tumblr at like the same time so i feel a bonded connection to u. ily. you have the best fucking posts they have me sobbing on the floor (cause i giggle too hard)

@doodleanddie : your redacted doodles killed me, sent me to heaven, then dragged me back down to hell and then reincarnated me as a fly. i love ur art and all ur doodles have so much character it’s WILD. (i miss u💕)

@epsi-l0n - your thoughts are so incredibly big brained i want to pick apart ur brain and take a few bites while i’m at it. i think if we fought it’d be the battle of the ages. simply because i think we both *CANT* fight so it’d just be entertaining to every witness

@dollvre : VINCENT STAN HIIIIII. finding another vincent lover and taylor swift enjoyer in this fandom had my brain exploding. tell me what zsakuva videos i should watch. i’m too indecisive to choose what series i want to get into. i think we need to hold hands and exchange rings 👍

@mrsmiagreer : Niyah i would genuinely kill for you. tell me a name. or names. plural. i would quite literally do anything for you. say the word. BUT I LOVE UR WRITING SM PLS MAKE A TAGLIST PLS

@oceanicwhitetipshark : whenever i feel myself drifting from redacted. i get a notif that you’ve posted and i’m immediately pulled back in by all ur writings and your thoughts. ur genuinely so talented and so incredibly sweet di i’m very glad we’re moots

@kelseadelle : i’ve never loved women more in my entire life. the way u draw has me wanting to sacrifice myself to the nearest woman for no reason other than that they’re a woman. your evie and ranger art. id give anything to be a werewolf.

@romeo-the-homeo : there can only be one trans jackass in the redacted fandom there isn’t enough room for the both of us. we should totally combine our physical forms and ascend to a higher form of being. and then get a wendy’s frosty or smth.

@plutobutartsy : stella. LIGHT OF MY LIFE💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 I LOVE UR DESIGNS SM YOUR ART IS SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE HOW YOU SEE THE LISTENERS AAAAA. YOUR FAITHFUL DESIGN HAS SHOT ME THROUGH THE HEART ILY AAAAAAA

@clover-46 : whenever smth messy happens i always appear in ur dms 😭😭 i love obsessing over hush with you and giggling in our dms💕💕. YOUR DESIGNS SLAP SO HARD. i hope you know that i think of your milo design on the daily. he’s my little girlfriend and i’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life

@celestecreateschaos : trying to type out ur user gave me an aneurysm. I ALSO MISS GEORDI SM WHERE IS HE. you’re genuinely so funny you constantly have me giggling. i wanna tape an x-ray of ur brain to my wall.

@venuslove-28-replies : HIIIIOIOIIIIOOOOEDIIWIWISIDOW. one of these days i’m going to shake you so hard you come apart like a mr potato head. your art has me wanting to bite you and not let go. all your designs have me AAAAKAOSAIKALA

@peacefullibrarian : i will never get over that one piece of writing u did about lasko and his listener. the “like the fan” has me slamming myself into the ground imagining them interacting. make a tag list. make a tagLIST RN AND ADD ME

@morgansplace : hi king i’m going to evict you from this plane of existence. (translation: i love you and i love how incredibly creative you are. i want to eat ur nails. i think we could solve all the worlds problems if we held hands and spun in a circle until we fell over from dizziness. i think it’d be nice)

@heshheshfish : omw to send u a cease a desist. your walls are very comfortable. i have officially devoured all tress-passers who have crossed my unwelcome path. i only accept offerings in the form of whole blocks of cheddar cheese. (translation: hi hehe)

@teaseat : i don’t think i can genuinely put into words how much i love u tea. you have me CACKLING. and other days you have me needing to put down my phone to take a minute. anyways. IN SO GLAD IM IN UR TAGLIST HEHEHE I LOVE UR WRITING SM AAAAAAA

@deviantaj : you make me want to listen to marina and the diamonds and then kill someone. aj ily. you make me giggle. i think if we were ever put into the same room we’d probably cause a cataclysmic event that no one could ever recover from.

@swanconcerto : HOLLYYYYYYYYYYUEJFJE. ily holly my favorite person to ever exist you have me twirling my hair and giggling i’d give anything to exist in ur presence. holly i am in ur basement.

@messenger-of-stupidity : i love your writing so much it has completely rewired my brain i think we should tussle outside and then hold pinky’s or smth. THE VEGA LOVE>>>>> i wait with baited breath for your vega fic

@shawslut : i love ur blog layout sm how do you do it. we both go by ray/rae so i think maybe we should do a lil dance to decide which ones superior. your geordi fic had me wanting to test the sharpness of my new kitchen knives. i will eat you one of these days.

@4letteraroace : i want to bite your hands so bad bro. i still think about ur darlin dance fic. now i know nothing about dance but i could fucking picture what was going on and it HURT. i think your keyboard deserves to be taken away. it should also be taken away because of how u interact with lemon on a daily basis 😭😭

@milosirlgf : hi jaydyn i think one of these days you’ll genuinely rule the world so pls remember that i am nothing but ur undying servant hi. i’m going to empty my life savings in ur name.

@terrazaurio : YOUR DAVID AND ANGEL DESIGN AAAAAAAAA RAHHHHHHHH. i want to bite someone’s head off. i get horrific cute aggression whenever i see your work. i think if we ever existed in the same section of the universe the space time continuum would collapse

@goodboyaudios : i think we should fist fight.

@tunasfishbowl : i think we should paint each others nails and then watch horror movies. tuna ur designs have me gasping for air on a daily basis i lost my mind when we became moots.

@yoteako : THE LASKO DESIGN EVER. INCREDIBLE WOLF BOY DESIGNS. i lobe how u draw them as grown men. idk if that makes any sense but it does to me. also enlightened me to the idea that is vega and brachium omg the most brain idea ever. when we became moots i breakdanced on the hardwood floor

@echovale052 : HI ECHOOO i’m taking a few chomps out of all of ur works like your art style is so pleasant i wanna EAT IT. i think that if we fought we’d probably end up destroying a few small towns.

@kittyshaw : HI REIIIIIII 💕💕💕💕 genuinely one of my fav people. you have the best takes and omg i love ur headcanons sm. i am going to eat ur brain one of these days. any second you aren’t moving i’m only getting closer

@lovelylonerliterature : i’ve read your cutie/geordi fix it fic an ungodly amount of times. (also a shadows appeal……) i love ur writing and interpretations of the redacted characters so much. your ability to capture angst has me wanting to throw myself into the abyss.

@elisacaleisa : another user i struggled to spell 💔💔. THE BEST MORGAN DESIYJ IVE EVER SEEN THATS MY MAN THATS MY WIFE I LOST MY SHIT M.LWFIIWKSJWIWO. i’m going to bite and shake your gavin design. i think our brains should combine at some point for fun

@sweetlemongrove : Lemon u are the light of my life. please make a taglist and add me to it. i love you. THE LOMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. also ur blog layout is so pretty what.

I LOVE YOU ALL MOOTS‼️‼️‼️

(Ok but in all seriousness. This is my first time ever really fully interacting with a fandom and not just lurk. To be able to interact with an incredibly creative and kind fandom has been a pleasure :)))) thank you all for all the work you do!!!!)

#rayrayspeaks #oh my god this took so long #this felt like it was the night before Valentine’s Day and I haven’t finished making the cards yet #I was in panic mode #this took me a DAY #for the moots I haven’t really interacted with yet…. I still have love for u guys 👍👍👍 #I’m just horrifically awkward 👍

[fixfoxnox]

could you give alerudy fic rec’s? I’ve been trying to find good ones where they’re the main pair, but man is it difficult. (sorry about the red text tumblr dark mode is being difficult rn)

I will indeed! Fair warning none of these are terribly long (there aren't a lot of longer AleRudy-focused fics in general) and a lot of them are NSFW/feature NSFW

My literal favorite AleRudy fic that I've ever read is this one called The Tailor's Son by IJustWannaAskSomething. It's an alternative backstory for how they meet and fall in love and it is genuinely one of the best fics that I think I've read in the fandom in general. It's Rudy focused (which I love) and is just super fluffy with not a drop of angst in sight!

I've mentioned before, but I love the AleRudy dynamic of Rudy who has been living with his feelings for so long and handles them through hookups. My favorite one of these is i could be your holy ghost by tippytulip. It features a first chapter with a little Rudy x Soap action and some Jealous Alejandro. This fic is NSFW and also Rudy-focused!!

What Love Does To A Man by Hentaiisgreat123 is just a cute little fluffy one shot between these two with Alejandro being head over heels for Rudy (as it was meant to be). No NSFW, just cute guys being cute and in love!

Okay so, this next one was (I think) meant to be an entire fic, but the author has only written one chapter and, considering it was posted in February, it may not be getting another update. That being said, I hate the weird stigma that has popped up of people shitting on unfinished/abandoned fics and avoiding them all together. Some of the best fics I've read have been unfinished. The concept and first chapter of this fic stand alone fairly well as is, and it's good enough that I think people should take a chance to read it. It is Relax, Colonel by WinkEyeTightenTie. Also NSFW!!!

My Dear Husband (Marry Me Again) by your_executioner is a cute little isekai/alternate universe's crossing type of fic. Essentially when Rudy almost dies in the fire from the game, he somehow get transported over to an alternate universe where he and Alejandro are married! Super cute, slightly angsty. Just a good quick fic of Alejandro and Rudy being pushed into action by a universe where their other versions have their shit together lol

me gustas tu by ghvstsymphvny is a story that essentially gives its own backstory for how Alejandro and Rudy met and how they finally decided to get their shit together. It's a fairly angsty fic (though you won't be able to tell at first) and does feature Valeria as Alejandro's ex as part of the backstory. Very good read!!

The Course of Fire by Kabbal (Aledane) is a 5 +1 fic that is essentially 5 times of Alejandro being whipped then the one time that he finally does something about it. It's cute, slight bit of angst in the middle, and spicy toward the end. I love it and I love Alejandro being whipped for Rudy which is what this fic provides!!

Now for two straight up NSFW Fics I've enjoyed:

Save a Dream, Ride Me by LazyOne. Rudy gets a cowboy hat and slowly drives Alejandro insane with it. Nuff said.

One Night (Tonight) by MoMoMomma. AleRudy ABO fic where Graves says some shit about Rudy to Alejandro while he's captured and it sets Alejandro off :) This is genuinely one of my favorite NSFW fics that I've read for the ship and I stop at it literally every time I go through the tag to reread. Just the concept is so good dudes

#thoughts with luke #you asked luke #luke's fic recs #alejandro x rudy #alejandro vargas #rodolfo parra #alerudy

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

Chapter 1 The Best for Last

Hi guys!!!!

So, like I said in the tags of the Mondo poll, since he won, I decided to post my new story today! :-D

I originally started writing this story a couple years ago, but got hit by writer's block and kind of abandoned it for a while. I'd reread it every so often, really wanting to finish it, but I never could figure out how, or get the motivation to try. For over a year it sat in WIP hell, until a couple weeks ago when I reread it and was like "... hm.... I think I can finish this finally..."

In this, Mondo and Taka are about 22, and they've been living together since they graduated from Hope's Peak. There was no killing games. I kind of based this fic off that post by one of the writers of Danganronpa, which said something about how Taka and Mondo would have moved in together after HS, oblivious to their feelings, or something like that. As such, there's a lot of domestic IshiMondo in this fic, as well as a lot of obliviousness (especially on Mondo's end). It's prolly the fluffiest, least angsty thing I've ever written, so I hope y'all like it. ^-^

You can find the story here.

Summary:

Five years after high school has ended, Mondo and Taka have found themselves settling into a very happy, loving, and committed relationship. It’s just too bad that no one’s ever told Mondo that.

From the beginning

#Mondo Owada #Kiyotaka Ishimaru #Danganronpa Fanfiction #My fanfic #Mondo Owada POV #Future AU #No killing games AU #Danganronpa #Ishimondo #Ishimondo fanfiction

[kuwdora]

January Posting Meme

January 2 - What was the first vid you made? What drew you to vid it, do you still follow the fandom, etc. -@colls

Happy birthday colls!

Vid nostalgia time, thank you for this prompt.

My very first vid - Ameno - 2007. Stargate Atlantis.

I made my first vid in 2007 with iMovie. Stargate Atlantis, an ensemble vid about the Ancients. It’s titled “Ameno” by eRa and has chanty vocals that made me think of the Ancients/Lanteans in the Pegasus Galaxy. We were about… what 3 seasons into SGA at that time? Stargate SG-1 was my first internet fandom and SGA fandom in its heyday was certainly an Experience so I was in deep. I voraciously read all the fic back then, participated in the communities, wrote some crossover SGA/SG1 fic here and there. So once I started playing around with iMovie and got an external hard drive it seemed pretty natural for me to try and make a Stargate Atlantis vid.

Several years prior I remember my friend thelinz had sent me a bunch of SG-1 fanvids on CD-ROM that I became obsessed with. I knew I wanted to make Stargate vids. Of course I just had to go and use a song without discernible lyrics and try to tell a story about the Ancients/Lanteans. A people who were almost always featured subtextually and mostly as their tech being a macguffin of sorts for the protagonists to deal with. In my head a Narrative made a lot more sense while I was making it but I was still left rather unsatisfied by the end. But I am very proud of it—especially as a first vid. It’s very interesting to see how my eye for kinetic movement works with the musicality of the song as my first vid. And how I refined that over the years.

As for still following the fandom? It’s in my bones, it’s always there. So many of my fandom friends and I started there. Sometimes I go back and reread old SGA flashfic entries.

I do follow a few Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis tags on tumblr which has been an interesting time observing that. Mostly on account of folks remarking on Jack and Daniel’s ages (they are too Old). Or how some people have said that Rodney McKay would have Done Numbers on tumblr if the show was airing now and that people should really watch SGA for him. Which just is, you know. Makes me want to pull out that Aslan meme “I was there” old magics etc, since Rodney McKay Was Everywhere, fanon ran with wild abandon and then some while others did slow laps in their own slash and rare-pair niches. But this is part of growing older in fandom, you were there for that history (and all the various wank, which is what it was called and not Discourse).

Anyway. I was never quite satisfied with Ameno. But I went on to make dozen more vids after it with iMovie until I got a Final Cut Edit license. And I came across a song during a summer job and realized the vibe+lyrics…that song was the Ancient Vid I was trying to make the first time around but didn’t manage. And listening to the song I realized I didn’t have the vidding skills yet to pull it together. Very overwhelmed by the idea. I spent 5 years listening and mentally putting it together in my head while casually rewatching here and there. Which is how I managed to make High Voltage - one of the vids I’m most proud of for narrative, structural and thematic reasons.

High Voltage which someone actually made a Fanlore entry about it!

High Voltage which was selected at Vividcon 2011 for In Depth Vid Review where people spent a good chunk of time discussing it in an in-person group setting. Folks who had never seen Stargate Atlantis or SG-1 or Stargate Universe even said they were very impressed and intrigued with the vid because it looked like nothing they’ve ever seen from Stargate vids before. And those who knew the shows inside and out, who knew the fic, who had meta discussions about it every week, everyone there when another surface-level, shoddily executed storyline rolled out. They saw my vid, too, they saw it and got it. It was really, really incredible experience to get that kind of feedback and realize that so many picked up what I was laying down.

Beatrice Otter wrote a lovely fancake rec for it in 2022 — 11 years after it premiered! A rec I have screencapped and saved in my happy folder to look at when I’m feeling down.

I elaborated a little more about my vidding process and reception of the vid on tumblr

So Ameno is my very first vid that I was VERY proud of but still wanted to go and “do over”/“do again” because it didn’t feel quite right. That foundation and growth lead to High Voltage. :)

I highly recommend anyone who wants to make a fix-it to an old fanwork of theirs to do go ahead and do it and see how it feels. You never know where it might lead.

January Posting Meme - claim a date! Send me any kind of prompt!

#january posting meme #january posting meme 2024 #vidding #fanvids #fan video #my vids #blogdora

[kalevalakryze]

gloom of the apprentice

Fandoms: Star Wars: Ahsoka (TV) Relationships: Shin Hati/Ahsoka Tano/Sabine Wren, Shin Hati/Sabine Wren, Shin Hati & Ahsoka Tano & Sabine Wren, Shin Hati & Baylan Skoll Characters: Shin Hati, Sabine Wren, Ahsoka Tano, Baylan Skoll Additional Tags: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Nightmares , Abandonment, The Force, The Dark Side of the Force (Star Wars), Grey Jedi, Literal Sleeping Together, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Episode: s02e21-22 Twilight of the Apprentice, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Implied Master/Padawan Relationships Notes: I am actually afraid of how much of this I'm repeating on accident, but I've reread and edited a couple times, I'm just looking through sleep deprived eyes right now Summary: “I can’t join you Master,” The breeze flicked at Shin’s cape, ash and dirt brushing from the scuffed surface with the rippling of the fabric. “Not this time,” Baylan stood only a few feet apart, but it felt like a lifetime. If they got on that ship with him, everything would change, and the force that settled deep in her stomach promised that it would be in vain. “I’m sorry,” The words were foreign on her tongue, they never apologized, but she couldn’t think of anything else to say to the man trying to raise zombies and change the past. Shin’s weight shifted, emotion balled tight in their throat in a way they did not know how to process. “It’s already over, Master… Baylan,” There was a look of defeat in his gaze, she could feel their bond in the force, the pain as it’s tethers were pulled taught, except they were holding the scissors to cut them apart. “Nothing can be done to change that,” AO3 Link: Here! Word Count: 3,298

“I can’t join you Master,” The breeze flicked at Shin’s cape, ash and dirt brushing from the scuffed surface with the rippling of the fabric. “Not this time,” Baylan stood only a few feet apart, but it felt like a lifetime. If they got on that ship with him, everything would change, and the force that settled deep in her stomach promised that it would be in vain. “I’m sorry,” The words were foreign on her tongue, they never apologized, but she couldn’t think of anything else to say to the man trying to raise zombies and change the past.

Shin’s weight shifted, emotion balled tight in their throat in a way they did not know how to process. “It’s already over, Master… Baylan,” There was a look of defeat in his gaze, she could feel their bond in the force, the pain as it’s tethers were pulled taught, except they were holding the scissors to cut them apart. “Nothing can be done to change that,”

“When we find Thrawn,” It took every ounce of control, though when it came to to hold herself back from trying to shake sense into him, or biting her tongue to let him speak, they could not decide which was harder. “When we find him, we will have power.”

“Master,” Her voice dropped, silvery eyes flickered to the waiting ramp. “I can’t… I’m sorry,”

Her feet turned, dirt crunching under their boots. He did not call for her, and neither of them made a peep at the feeling of the blade slicing through the steel bond forged since her childhood.

▬▬ι═══════>

“Fulcrum, this is Home One requesting permission to contact,” The comms crackled to life.

Sabine grumbled from her position curled up in Ahsoka’s lap as the blinking light and static voice roused her. Her hand reached blindly to smack for the button, until an orange had reached to bat hers away. “Go for Fulcrum,”

“We’ve apprehended the Apprentice to the Sith you’ve been dealing with,”

“I thought you figured out they weren’t Sith?” Sabine grumbled as she tiredly slipped from Ahsoka’s lap and stretched, reaching across the cockpit to power Huyang back on.

“They aren’t, but the New Republic won’t look at it that way,” Ahsoka returned, equally as quiet. “Roger that, Home One, send coordinates, isolate them at all costs until we arrive,”

▬▬ι═══════>

“How did you manage to get her?” Ahsoka questioned as she strode next to the Rebel officer, Sabine close on their heels.

“She didn’t put up a fight, someone recognized her from the warrants and called in, didn’t move and inch from where they reported in at,”

“Anything on her Master?” Sabine chimed in as they rounded a corner to the ray shielded cells, thick doors with thin slats offering a minimal view of empty containers.

“I… Well, we aren’t sure. First responders couldn’t get a reaction when they were cuffing her, but the medics say they’re alright from what they could see. Won’t talk to anyone though. We’ve been keeping the wing clear in case it’s some sith ploy,”

The end of the hall offered an opened metal door and a deactivated ray shield. “Krif,” The officers steps sped up, though when he rounded the door, he froze in his spot.

Ahsoka hurried, pushing her way past the officer to protect him herself, Sabine pulling her blaster as she tugged him out of the way of harm by the shoulder.

“You didn’t escape,” Ahsoka commented, hands resting near her sabers as she looked at the blonde on the bench. Their hands were pressed into the metal gaze cast downwards, towards the floor. Blood speckled the ground, and one of the New Republic rookies was slumped bonelessly against the floor. “Did you kill him?”

“He’s breathing,” Shin’s voice felt like an echo, devoid of drive and emotion. Ahsoka’s weight shifted as she stepped further into the cell, starting to pace, and letting the Officer slide over to check his subordinate, bouncing between Mandalorian and Republic officer to cover them both, unable to feel Shin’s intentions.

“Shin,” Sabine stepped forward, Shin finally looked up at the Mandalorian. Ahsoka tried to push against their shields but found no resistance. “Why didn’t you leave? And if you had the chance, why is he still breathing?”

“Why are you still breathing, Sabine Wren?” They questioned as if the answer was obvious.

“You didn’t want to,” Ahsoka answered as he back and forth pacing between Sabine and the two Republic soldiers came to a halt. “Where is your Master, Shin?”

Shin closed off impossibly further, and Ahsoka sighed. “Sabine, grab the binders,”

They didn’t fight it when the Mandalorian moved to their side and didn’t fight it when her wrists were moved behind her back. The Force suppressing binders were clicked into place, locking against the fabric of their long sleeved overshirt. “Where’s your armor?” Sabine grumbled into their ear as she grabbed their forearm and helped them up.

“It will be with her lightsaber, I’ll have them take it to the ship.” Ahsoka relented, gaze moving to the rousing Rebel rookie and the Officer once more. “Inform your superiors that we will be taking point on her,”

“Yes, Fulcrum,” The Officer managed, leaning himself and the fresh blood well out of Shin’s way as Sabine walked them out.

Sabine and Shin walked several paces ahead of Ahsoka, the Mandalorian’s hand was warm against their arm, breathing a small ember of life back into their deflated spirit. “Where is Baylan,” Sabine grumbled again, hoping that, with everything they’d been through together off the battlefield, that Shin would say something to her.

Ahsoka’s montral curled at the question and the responding thundering of the grey apprentice’s heart in her chest. “He’s gone,” They answered, jaw tensing, as if they couldn’t believe what she was saying.

“Gone?”

“Please,” Their shoulders sagged, it had been the first time the Mandalorian had heard the request outside of the bedroom, and never in such a broken tone.

Ahsoka’s presence reached out as their conversation died down, with the conversation, the blonde’s shields lowered. What she felt… she hadn’t felt in decades, and only twice before in her life. “I’m not coming back, Master.” “I won’t leave you! Not this time,” and the echo of a voice that hadn’t reached her in some time, with words that she’d never personally heard, but had haunted her dreams for months following the purge. “You’re going down a path that I can’t follow!”

Ahsoka recoiled as if physically struck, blinking slowly as her footsteps came to a halt, allowing the apprentices to disappear from view as her hand raised to her temple.

Inside the T-6, Sabine was settling Shin onto the bench, frowning as the blonde dropped into the seat heavily. “Kurs’kaded,” The Mandalorian lowered herself into a kneel in front of them, her hands settling on their legs. “we’re gonna figure this out,” She promised, as if she had any idea what their Master had done.

When Ahsoka stepped onto the ship, Sabine shot up like a spring. “It’s okay, Sabine,” She set the crate that contained Shin’s armor and lightsaber on the table. “Get those off of them, I’m going to prep for takeoff,”

Sabine watched Ahsoka leave with a level of uncertainty, though she was more than happy to remove the binders and toss them onto the table, personally rubbing her fingers over Shin’s wrists as the blonde moved their hands to their lap.

With Ahsoka gone, the force free at their fingertips again, and Sabine dropping to her knees in front of her again, Shin sought out the comfort so readily offered, pitching forward to drop into Sabine’s waiting arms, pressing her face into the side of her neck and inhaling deeply.

At some point, Shin must have fallen asleep, though how they were moved, she had no idea. When their lungs got tight and the pain held in her chest sparked enough to have her snapping awake, it was to the darkness of a room she hadn’t seen in some time. The bunk room was quiet, save for the soft snoring of two other bodies in the room, Sabine, whose arms were wound loosely around their midsection, and the Light Jedi, in the bunk just above them.

She tried to calm her mind enough to return to sleep, to not question her place in things and let it happen, but without the comfort of being able to go to Baylan or reach out to him for the first time in almost two decades, she found herself restless. They couldn’t chase the bruising weight and the spiraling line of the snapped force bond, it closed in around her enough to have her breathing coming too fast, her eyes sliding shut to blink away the rising sting of tears that shouldn’t have been there in the first place. And the burning, ever present question in her mind since she realized her Master’s intentions to save the past… Why wasn’t I enough?

Unwinding from Sabine’s arms, the former(?) apprentice pushed out of the bunk room and into the dark common room. This was far from the first time the darkness would close in around them, they knew the path she walked always kept her vulnerable, but without her Master, without his direction or the comforting waves of strength and assurance he would push through their bond, the call of the dark side was difficult to turn away from.

She could grab her saber, could take control of the ship and search for him, and make him see that his plan would fail, make her see her point of view, make him realize that she was enough. Her hands clenched around the lip of the still risen table, metal creaking under her palms. The kyber in the saber vibrated with the weight of her convictions.

A sepia colored hand wrapped around her wrist before she could reach out, to see if there was any truth to what it was promising; of course, they knew better, but in their spiraling state and in the panic of their nightmares, it felt like she was being given no. choice- Someone’s front was pressing into her back, before she could lash out at them the first wave of an unfamiliar calmness washed over her.

It wasn’t Baylan, she knew that, and Sabine wasn’t strong enough to press past any of her shields, much less all of them. “Breathe, Padawan,” The Togruta’s voice was grounding in her ears, the tickle of montrals near her shoulders had her relaxing, sagging against the older woman’s front as she focused on each point they were touching.

Her hands pressed into both of their wrists now, thumbs rubbing against the insides of each wrist, easing the tension in their hands as they slowly released the table, the warmth of the Togruta leaning up against her, hips against their own, all the way to the back of her neck, where she could feel each exhale blow out of her nose. “Ease your mind, trust in the force,” There was a rigidness to the woman, as always, but a sympathy from a place of this shared feeling.

Ahsoka’s other hand shifted from her wrist to slide under her arm, wrapping around Shin until she could place her hand on the center of their chest. “With me,” She guided, exaggerating the rise and fall of chest as she pressed the apprentice closer back to her body.

It took time for the shadows to clear; Ahsoka hadn’t let go of her once, guiding each breath, pushing waves of serenity, and lending them strength until she could support her own weight and build her shields back up. “Easy,” Ahsoka whispered, close enough to their ear to run a shiver down their spine. When Ahsoka stepped back to give her space, Shin followed, all the way into the bench that the Togruta was pushed into in the surprise of Shin turning to keep the physical contact.

Shin’s face was hidden in her shoulder, legs awkwardly sprawled half over Ahsoka’s with her feet sliding against the floor. After the initial surprise passed, Ahsoka reached to grab the backs of Shin’s thighs and tug them properly into her lap.

There was comfort in knowing that if anything, Shin wasn’t alone for this pain, not like she had been, not like when she’d had to walk away from her Master. Sabine had helped them into softer clothes after the exhaustion of their ordeal had caught up to them, the sweatshirt was baggy enough that Ahsoka’s hands could move to comfortably wrap into the fabric over their shoulder blades.

Silence hung thick between them as Shin calmed, seeking out the comfort of the guidance she’d been given in her time of need. “Do you want to talk about it?” Ahsoka asked as Shin started to shift restlessly. “Or do you want to go back to sleep?”

Their head shook quickly in response, and Ahsoka hummed softly. “Alright, here,” With some reluctance, Ahsoka slid Shin off of her lap and onto the open spot of bench beside her. Her strides to the counters along the wall were fast, rummaging through cabinets to get two mugs and fill them with water. An electrolyte mix was added to Shin’s, since Ahsoka couldn’t be sure if they’d been taking care of themselves after (she knew from personal experience that they probably weren’t).

“Drink this, then we’ll reevaluate.” She handed the small porcelain cup off, reaching to pull them back into her side as she settled back down.

After Shin took her first sip, Ahsoka resigned herself to her tale. “I walked away from my Master, a long time ago,” Silvery blue eyes jumped up to her face, though Ahsoka kept her gaze trained on the pipes and valves running across the ceiling. “I didn’t have a choice,”

Shin’s eyes didn’t leave her, so Ahsoka turned to motion her head towards the cup. “Drink,” She did not look away again until the blonde’s throat bobbed with her swallow. “I regret leaving every day… but I know that no matter what I did, I would never have the power to change the story.”

She’d wanted to save Anakin so much, she wanted to grab his hand and walk out of that temple together, but it wasn’t his time, the Force wasn’t done with either of them, even if, across the infinite vastness of the universes entwined around them, one of them held what she wanted, and many more continued with the death of Ahsoka Tano and Darth Vader.

“I got another chance, I didn’t leave him, I promised,” Shin’s hand reached, curling around the soft fabric of her sleep shirt over her stomach. The Togruta’s hand covered the smaller one with her own. “It wasn’t what the force had in the cards for either of us… My Master, Anakin... his destiny was different than mine, but I had fallen to the thought that somehow, I wasn’t enough to save him,”

The way Shin shrank in on herself confirmed her thoughts, that Shin had found themselves in that same space she had been. “I can’t say anything will turn out alright, but you aren’t alone,” Finally, Ahsoka’s head turned to face Shin, catching sight of the bunk door sliding open and the mess of purple poking into the dark room. “We won’t leave you,”

Sabine’s feet padded quietly over to the bench. “Have no idea what’s going on, but she’s right,” The Mandalorian grumbled, dropping into the seat beside Shin before stretching herself across both of their laps in a very Loth Cat-esque manner. “As long as you’ll have us,”

“And as long as you keep your lightsaber out of Sabine’s stomach-“ Ahsoka butted in, a smirk pulling at her lips as the purple haired woman rolled her eyes.

“We won’t go anywhere, cuun kurs’kaded,” Sabine’s words were met with Shin bending to press her face into her stomach, her hands reaching to brush through sleep tangled blonde curls. Ahsoka’s hand reached across to take the cup from Shin’s hands before it could spill, granting the wolf the opportunity to wrap her arms around Sabine’s stomach. “Now, you guys are insane, can we go back to bed?”

Shin looked up, between Ahsoka and Sabine with a spark of something like fear, the most recent abandonment from her Master leaving her wary to break contact with either woman. “Here, give me a moment,” The Togruta rose, easing Sabine back to a sitting position and taking Shin’s hand from her stomach to rest on top of Sabine’s head.

Ahsoka slipped back into the bunk room, leaving the two women in silence.

“Nightmare?” Sabine questioned as she settled to lean into Shin. “ ‘soka’s got her force osik thing, can’t sleep when someone’s having one too close,”

“Yes,” Shin admitted quietly, fingers finding the fabric of the bottom of her shirt. “I left my Master, when he asked me to follow,” The first order she’d ever purposely disobeyed, ever since he’d picked her up off that overcrowded street corner and ended her employment as a death stick runner, saving her from the crime syndicates and the plagues that would be unleashed upon Balosar not long after he gave her freedom.

“I… couldn’t support his path, he wants to find a wormhole in wild space, he believes it will send him back to the Clone Wars,” It sounded like a wild dream the more she thought about it. “If he succeeded, or… succeeds, I’ll have never known him. It was the will of the force that he saved me, and… and the will of the force that I walk away,” She did not believe this in its entirety, but if The Force had found it necessary to separate Ahsoka from her Master, then perhaps it could be the same with her.

“You don’t have to figure It all out right now,” Sabine shifted so she could press her lips to the side of their head. “But you do need sleep… I need sleep, sleep is good.” Shin breathed out a sharp exhale of amusement.

“Come on, Padawans,” Ahsoka called as the door slid open. Blankets and pillows scattered the floor between both sets of bunks, she was already propped down, stretched out along the side of the makeshift nest. Sabine helped Shin up and led her over to the bunk, before she flopped down into the blankets face first.

Laughing at Sabine’s antics, Ahsoka reached out to help Shin lower into the pile much more gracefully. “My brothers used to do this when they had a hard time sleeping,” She informed them, allowing the Mandalorian and Padawan to curl into each side.

Sabine was out like a light the minute her head was settled on Ahsoka’s shoulder and her arm was reached out to hold onto Shin’s thigh, pulling them even closer to Ahsoka.

Shin settled half on top of Ahsoka, arm reaching out for Sabine and constantly readjusting her head at the feeling of the older woman’s lek twitching beneath her head. “You aren’t going to hurt it,” Ahsoka assured, guiding Shin’s head back down and carding her fingers through her hair. “And you aren’t going to wake up alone,”

Ahsoka didn’t wind up getting much sleep that night, though nightmares didn’t plague either apprentice curled up against her. Instead, she meditated with the memories of her brothers on her mind and the comfort of the bodies pressed in on either side of her. As much as she hadn’t wanted to trust Shin’s intentions with Sabine in the beginning, she had no doubt that there was no underlying motive in Thrawn’s plot, and she had the comfort of knowing that Shin wouldn’t be facing the pain she had alone.

Translations: cuun kurs'kaded - our wolf

#wolfwren #wrenwolf #sabine wren #shin hati #ahsoka tano #shinsokabine #star wars #star wars fanficiton #wlw #lesbians

[sssammich]

20 questions game

got tagged by @nostradamus0 so i shall now answer it all instead of doing my homework due in like 3 hours it's fine

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

lol 115

2. What’s your total AO3 words count?

so technically 685,515 (but i've co-written some stuff so if we're talking purely my words then it's probably closer to maybe around 630k or so?? idk man)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently? mayakuro, supercorp, and bumbleby, but i won't hesitate to write for a fandom off the cuff lol (if you ever take a gander at my fic list you'll see)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Closest I Get (victorious, jade/tori)

evergreen (supercorp)

not for nothing (supercorp)

one way or another (supercorp)

catching sunrise (revue starlight, maya/claudine)

lmaoo supercorp numbers feel insane to me (considering how i've been chillin in smaller fandoms. like closest i get was posted 11years and 2days ago and it's now only 26 kudos ahead of evergreen)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

hell yeah! i would say i've answered 90% of my comments there are some random stragglers i know i've missed over the years for sure, but i try to respond when i can!

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uh omg i mean i don't typically dabble in angsty endings? i'm a happy/hopeful ending kinda gal. i did have santana die in this one fic but it ended hopefully, and then i also had maya and claudine not end up together, but it was also not bad?? idk if i've ever thought of an angsty ending that feels like a good pay off for having been put through the paces ig

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the vast majority of my fics are happy endings so idk, pick any of them tbh LOL

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, no. i've been most fortunate that people have been very nice in the comments.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

listen i am trying to get into my smut era and i keep being delayed so it's only a matter of time but it's probably just regular vanilla smut lbr

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i have written ONE (1) crossover and it's incomplete. in general, i cannot possibly fathom crossing over fandoms, they feel very contained and separate in my head so not really

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

haha yes! i remember someone messaged me that my jori fic, Closest I get, was stolen and put into wattpad but then used for a 5th harmony rpf story LMAO

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no but if someone did i would be honored

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

haha yeah, i'm co-writing now! there's this kara/lena/sam i've dubbed throuple fic with chaotic-super and then my friend maddy and i continue to ruminate on a revue starlight modern AU where the sad girls are sad. and then also like there's a since abandoned alex/tobin rpf back in the woso days LOL

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

girl we're not doing this

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

omg i have this one once upon a time/pitch perfect ruby/aubrey crossover i did try to write back in the day and i reread it in the last six months and it was Not Terrible but idk where that shit would even go now at this rate

also i've retired many WIPs over the years

16. What are your writing strengths?

uh god idk maybe dialogue, pacing, atmospheric setting

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

absolutely writing the middle and thinking of the connective tissues that would tie everything together

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i do not have thoughts LOL

at this point, i think it depends? like if there's something more to be gained with it being in that other language, then i'll write it in. but if not, i just italicize it and say they said it in that other language and keep it moving LOL

19. First fandom you wrote for?

god uh probably some super early hermione/ginny back in middle school and then All My Children bianca/maggie back in high school (when there were forums to join and pretend you're not a child) but those things are not posted

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

can there ever be just ONE favorite fic at this point in my life? can't say at this point especially with how often i've jumped fandoms and stuff but i guess in recent writing, i'd say:

not for nothing, don't touch me (touch me more), catching sunrise, and tether

honestly they all gave me so much headaches (affectionate??) but i feel like they're some of my best writing atp

no pressure tags! @lovesastateofmind1 @fyonahmacnally @chaotic-super @fazedlight @inkedroplets and anybody else?? who wants to! live ur life ur truth etc etc and answer ask memes

#ask meme #fic ask meme

[thistlecatfics]

2022 Roundup

Thanks for the tag @danpuff-ao3 ! and oh yours was so lovely to read through.

Rules:

Post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular),

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year,

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year,

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year,

and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year!

Danpuff covered nearly everyone I thought to tag but also @fonkeloog @billsfangearring @narcissa-black-supermacy​ @fvckyouimaprophet @sliebman10 and let me just tag them again: @broomsticks @vdoshu​

5. Post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)

1. Icarus (Pansy/Millicent/Parvati, 20k, M)

The addiction/trauma recovery/we’ll kill each other or save each other fic. 

I love my characters. I always do, and I think it’s my strength as a writer. But these three have such tight grips on my heart that it’s almost painful to reread and yet I keep doing it. 

2. Duty (Regulus/Sirius, 2k, M)

Regulus Black’s life in less than 2,000 words. 

So intensely personal I never expected it to but one of my more popular fics. I’m so proud to have created a literary work I’m proud of woven almost purely out of myself and my hurt.

3. Alphard’s Favorite (Sirius/Peter, 5k, M)

Peter is a good friend to a drunk and sad Sirius... to a point.

More fics where Peter fucks 2k23!!! But also - resentful Peter is SO much fun to write from, and this has my favorite concluding line I’ll ever write. 

4. Family Legacy (Andromeda/Ted, Remus/Tonks, Teddy Lupin/Victoire, 1.6k, T)

This tragic, queer family can give us all hope. 

Proof I can also write something wholesome. Queerness and transness is beautiful, and we are a legacy. Not overly sweet but pure honest love. 

5. you will burn right now but then you won’t regret it (Fleur/Tonks, 32k, M)

All is not well, and Tonks and Fleur are on the case (and definitely don’t have feelings for each other.)

A case fic! I wrote a case fic! One that says “fuck the police” and “messy dykes deserve love too.”

4. your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year

It’s ambitious to say these will all be released in the new year based on 2021’s writing pace BUT

My Black family AU

Inspired by Jade City by Fonda Lee, I want to write an ambitious Black-family-against-the-world fic. Andromeda does not run away, and Sirius sorts Slytherin, and everything changes. Each cousin has their own POV chapters. It would be by far my most ambitious writing project, and I doubt I’d finish in 2023. I’ve been sketching out broad arcs for each character, outlining and writing some scenes to practice getting in their little morally grey heads. Ships as they stand now would be Sirius/Remus, Andromeda/Bellatrix, Andromeda/Ted, Narcissa/Lucius BUT I also want to fit in some Narcissa/Lily and maybe some Regulus/Barty. Who knows. I’m excited.  

Bellatrix: Protector to threat to dangerously out of control to [spoiler!]

Andromeda: Lost girl with a serious drinking problem to spy to survivor

Narcissa: Naive romantic to realist politician

Sirius: Little rebel princeling to a responsible family head

Regulus: Underestimated spare to hero

Andromeda Liberata book 3

I’ve written a bit for it, but I’ve been feeling uninspired. It’s not abandoned, but it’s certainly on the backburner. 

Fenrir/Remus trauma processing fic

When you go back to the person who hurt you to try to make the trauma meaningful or manageable, but it ends up making you feel so much worse.

Tonks/Bellatrix My Dark Vanessa inspired fic

I thought I could get this done for Fuck the Faculty but alas I got concussed again. Defense professor Bellatrix. Grooming. Incest. Bella getting revenge on the sister who abandoned her, but also whoops maybe she does have genuine feelings for Tonks, but whoops again she’s destroying her. 

3. your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year

Freedom - writing boldly and unapologetically.

Exploration - I wrote a wholeeeee lot of different types of fics this year.

Confidence - I was confident in my writing this year in a way I wasn’t in 2021. 

2. your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year

I need to find a way to integrate writing into my non grad school, non daily drinking life. (I stopped drinking by myself on weeknights in 2022, and, while it’s been good for my health, it’s been terrible for my writing output.) As a private practice therapist my schedule will be entirely my own which is both exciting and terrifying, and I need to add structure.

I want to work on another long, plotty fic! That Black family AU that’s wrapping itself around my soul. 

1. and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year!

The ending line for Alphard’s Favourite which floored me as soon as it entered my head: 

He fucked Sirius three more times, once more at Hogwarts, twice more afterwards, each time calling him his good boy, his favourite.

He fucked him a fourth time, if you count blowing up a street and pinning the blame on Sirius, which Peter did.

#thistlecat fic

[lost-decade]

Heyyy!!! So the fic questions!!

1 / 11 / 16 / 22 / 23 / 39 / 40

(I hope is not too much tho)

Hey! Thank you so much for asking, and sorry this took me so long.

1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

This is a good question. I do enjoy both but I tend to gravitate towards one-shots purely because I'm not a particularly fast writer and I find it much easier to write fics that are around the 5K words mark.

Also I don't think my stories have a great deal of structure and I don't tend to do much plotting most of the time, which I think is something that you need to do with longer fics.

When I do hit on an idea though and manage to work out an end point, that's when I can really get into writing longer fics. A couple of my WIPs at the moment are multi-chaptered and I'm loving working on those.

I think as well, I worry that I won't be able to finish multi-chaptered fics, like I'll eventually lose interest. Which is why I don't generally post fics until they're complete. Although the James/Max I posted the first chapter of this weekend will definitely be finished, even if no one is interested lol.

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

This is hard as there are a lot of great fics out there but I'm lazy and don't go into the ao3 tags very often, instead I rely on recs from friends and I'm also guilty of rereading a lot of my old faves multiple times.

Looking at my history/bookmarks, these are three that I've recently read and loved:

that one from work can come over on monday night - Lovely Landoscar getting together WIP from @verycoolwearsleather. This is the kind of slow burn that I absolutely adore.

last chance saloon - Lewis/Jenson on the night of Jenson's retirement

Ode to a conversation stuck in your throat - Gorgeously written galex set across the 2022 season

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

At the moment there's just a couple. Tbh there's not a lot of pairings I'm very enthusiastic about atm. There are pairings I enjoy reading if the writing is good but that I wouldn't write myself.

I've probably written Max/James to death this year and as there won't be any new interactions between them going forward I think that will fizzle out for me soon. I would dearly love to be into an F1 pairing enough to write it but there isn't one that I'm into enough or would feel confident enough to write. I enjoy writing Max G because he's so private and that provides a lot of scope for character building because you only have the basics to work from.

I'm rambling so much lol sorry. Anyway, back to the question. At the moment there's a James/André fic I'm working on set in 2033 where André gets divorced, has a breakdown, goes to therapy and realises he's been in love with James for years while they do a classic car rally in Italy.

Also the concluding part in my Max/James series, where they split up and then work through some shit. And that's about it really. I mean, there's also a lot of random bits and pieces that I've abandoned.

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I wouldn't say there's anything I'm dead set against writing, but ones that spring to mind that just don't interest me are a/b/o dynamics, high school AUs, fics with many multiple pairings. Actually mpreg is a very big no. Anything involving pregnancy majorly squicks me, regardless of gender.

I'm crap at writing anything technical about actual racing either. I tend to swerve that and concentrate on shippy stuff.

Also I generally don't have a lot of interest in writing established relationships. What I really love is the getting together, the figuring each other out and working through the obstacles. Once those things have been resolved and it's all plain sailing then it's mission accomplished for me from a writing point of view. Unless we're talking horny one-shots/PWPs and then how long they've been together is often inconsequential.

23. Best writing advice for other writers?

Don't get too tied up in worrying about how whatever you're writing is going to be received. Also, I find what is a huge help with motivation and confidence is having someone you can bounce ideas off and go to for advice if you're not sure if a certain scene/idea is working. Shoutout to @zeraparker, and @verycoolwearsleather for this.

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

From my André/James 2033 roadtrip fic:

Andre leans back against the sink vanity, marble cool beneath his palms. For a moment he’s half jealous, but more curious; him and James never talk about relationships though, unless you count the excruciating attempts the other night to discuss Ania. James is a catch, the type of guy Andre would have expected to be married with a kid by now, yet instead he’s here in Gordes with Andre, dressed like some new romantic popstar in leather pants and pale silk shirt. He gets away with it in a way that Andre isn’t sure he himself does. Surely there's someone.

They don’t talk to each other about that sort of thing, not in a serious way.

“Just wondering who's bed you’re going to end up in at the end of the night.” He gestures to James’ outfit. “This suits you mate.”

James smiles but there’s something in his expression that Andre can’t read, there then gone.

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Ooh this is hard. I'd be honoured with anything tbh! A couple of thoughts having scrolled through my fics: Daniel and Cyril kissing in the hotel corridor from Only Memories

The jeandre bedsharing from Protège-moi (although we do have the actual video from that lol)

And ahem, well. Max G in lingerie, from satin sheets and luxuries so fine

~

Get to know your fic writer!

#fic asks

[scifrey]

I JUST realized why, for the first time in forever, I'm SO engaged with writing a fanfiction and posting it as I go, and why I keep rereading and rereading and rereading the amazing comments and tags.

The last longform fanfic I wrote was in 2015, and it was To a Stranger. I've written some loosely connected drabbles based on Alice Rovai's beautiful art since, but in terms of fanfic, that's all I've done in 8 years.

I used to write and post fanfic constantly. I'd been creating, and posting, and sharing in all sorts of fandoms and communities pretty much continuosly since 1991.

What changed?

Well I became a professionally represented writer. I had a literary agent, I had contract deals, and I had deadlines. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE IT. It's fantastic to be able to write and share my original stories with the world.

But it meant that all of my creative brain and time was taken up with original stories instead of fanfic. And I was fine with that, I was getting to create. I wrote stories, and people reviewed them well, and my editor and my publishers adored them.

But my relationship with my literary agent began to break down pretty swiftly, and I spent a lot of time being talked over, ignored, misunderstood, and misinterpreted as a result.

I pitched a bunch of books she didn't want, and wrote a few others that she didn't understand or know how to sell. Some are still just rotting on my hard drive to this day. We parted ways in 2020. In order to query for a new agent, I began work on a novel that I've been thinking of for at least a decade.

It took me 2 years to write that book, and I've been querying it for a year. I've had over 130 rejections at this point, because it is a difficult, weird book with a tone that purposely doesn't match the themes, and it is absolutely on the too-long side of market wordcount preference.

I understood that this would be a hard slog when I decided to use a book like this to query. I knew that finding a new literary agent would not be easy, and that going out into the world with probably one of the hardest books I've ever written would not lead to a quick and easy new professional relationship.

But goddamn does it feel awful to spend half a decade being told no. It is not doing good things for my mental health or my confidence as a creator.

My beta readers love the book. But besides those three people, I have heard nothing but negative things about my writing for YEARS.

Which as you can imagine does not inspire me to sit down and try to write anything new. I probably should let this book rest. I should be putting it in a drawer and moving on to the next novel, trying to write something a little more palatable, and going out on query with that. But I just don't have the heart to create something new, AGAIN, knowing that it's probably just going to tip into that same black hole of non-response, misunderstanding or indifference that's swallowed up the last handful of projects I've worked on.

And then I thought, maybe it's time to write something for fun again.

I was struck with a cracky idea for a fanfic (though in typical J.M. Frey style I seem determined to make my readers cry) and I decided to try writing it.

Normally I would write the whole story and then post it when it was finished. But I am genuinely afraid that if I started it that way, if I didn't talk about it publicly and nobody knew I was doing it, my interest would fizzle out and my ennui about creating would take over and it abandon it. (The same way I have the last two novels I tried to start in the past few months.)

So I did the thing that I have been terrified to do since I first became a professional writer: I've started posting the fic AS I write it.

And holy crap am I inspired to continue. It's a shame that my day job is in the way because I just want to sit and write and write and write and write and write.

This hasn't happened to me in YEARS.

And it's because of you people.

It's because, for the first time and half a decade, people are saying nice things about my writing. People are responding positively to my stories. And I didn't realize how much negativity I was internalizing with the query rejections. I didn't realize how much the repeated "no"s were dragging me down.

Hopefully one day soon I'll get another literary agent and I can start hearing great things about my writing again from The Biz.

But honestly, I'm starting to think that that doesn't matter.

Right now, I am ony knees with tears in my eyes THANKING YOU.

Thank you all for reminding me why I do this: to make readers feel something, to engage readers minds and hearts, and to put good stories out into the world.

So thank you so much for letting me know you enjoy them. Thank you for helping me believe in my work again.

#jmfrey #am writing #creative writing #writing #writing community #writer #author #fanfic #fanfiction

[alexenglish]

i started tracking my fic reading (using this bangin’ tracker) because i’d love to know how much fic i actually read over the course of a year - not sure how long it will last because doing things for an entire year is not my style, but i figured i’d do some fic rec posts of stuff i liked once or twice a month if i keep it up so ! i’ve read a decent amount of fic since the beginning of the year, so here’s what i’ve got for you so far~

2023 fic recs 1️⃣

🚩 red flag: read the tags 🚩

flicker / illuminate by hollowcene - skz, minsung, 12k, t

It’s not like things in Seoul were great before the sound monster showed up.

rec comment: i will be That Guy and say I never read minsung so the fact that minsung is my first read of 2023 and my first rec is 100 percent a huge vouch for this fic. if you love world building & dynamics & FUN, then i cannot recommend this more

drown it out by rosecrush - skz, chansung, 2k, e 🚩

“ah, hyung,” jisung gasps. the way he squirms, struggling against chan—reflexively, chan bears more weight down on the arm pinning jisung’s hips in place, curls his hand tighter around jisung’s cock. jisung whines louder, knees pressing hard into chan’s sides. “please, please, i can’t—i have to—”

he cuts himself off. chan says, leveling his voice, honey-sweet, “have to what, hannie?” even though the redness of his face, flush with embarrassment, the now-constant wriggling—chan can guess.

rec comment: rosecrush i’m love you

quién lo diría by enbookcased - skz, minbinchan, 21k, e

"Did I ever tell you that pasta’s my favorite?"

"You know I don't listen when you talk about food," Minho murmured, concentrating on the task at hand. Finished chopping the garlic, he quickly added it to the large pan that was already filled to bursting with little neck clams. He topped it off with some white wine and then turned to Changbin. The pasta was already simmering away in its own pot on the stove. “All we gotta do now is wait,” he said, crossing his arms over himself.

And then he looked over at Changbin and did the weirdest thing yet: he smiled. It was awkward and fleeting, but Changbin had seen it. Changbin could probably count on one hand how many times Minho had smiled at him that didn’t involve a camera in their faces or a joke being cracked, and he couldn’t deny the effect it had on him, that it had him smiling back.

Minho's smile dropped immediately into a scowl. “Ew, what is your face doing? Stop it or it’s gonna get stuck that way.”

rec comment: the dynamics were fun, i enjoyed reading this as it updated, i especially loved the exploration of dynamics in the first two chapters as things were building

The Minor Fall, the Major Lift by hope_and_hardship - skz, soobgyu, 43k, m

Beomgyu looked down at his guitar and wondered if he’d ever be strong enough to put it away for good.

The trouble was he could run away from everyone he knew, could delete accounts, could change cities, but he couldn’t run away from himself. And the guitar was just part of him now.

But, goddamn, he was too young to feel this old and washed up.

rec comment: obsessed with this entire fic, a banger from start to finish. the heady commentary on art and the ways it we abandon it, and it abandons us, but never truly leaves us, and the ways we need to move on, and the ways we grow. the relationship felt so sweet and organic, and this is the best side character yoongi i’ve ever read in my entire life, literally huge rec

you and me (the series) by flying_dream - skz, jilix, 200k, e

When Jisung moves to Seoul for university, he just wants a fresh start. Study a course he actually enjoys, possibly make some new friends, find meaning in his life again: the works.

Then he meets Lee Felix and his entire world turns upside down.

rec comment: this was a reread because this fic has been lodged deeply in my head ever since i read it the first time. i LOVE It. i can’t even express how much i love it, how often i think of the elements of this fic, how well done they were?? it honestly floors me to think about what they did with this, and how it was over 200k and neither reading it the first or the second time did it EVER feel like over 200k lmao

Law of Probability by rhythmsextion - skz, binchan, 6k, e

In which Changbin loses a bet and is subsequently dared to give Chan a lap dance. And everyone gets to watch. 

rec comment: what it says on the tin. it’s fun!

In Sheep's Clothing by Mntsnflrs - skz, chanlix, e, 36k 🚩

“I’m sorry about this,” the man said. He took a sip of his coffee before continuing, “It’s the lesser of two evils. A mother and her young children, or a single kid. It has to be you.”

rec comment: listen daddy kink is pretty much always a hard boiled no for me but just skimming the first few paragraphs of this fic had me immediately hooked, i’m feral over this fic. the delivery of the pov did something to me that i can’t even explain. i will never recover from how good it is.

Collateral Damage by Mntsnflrs - skz, chanlix, e, 12k 🚩

Chan gets a boyfriend, and Felix doesn't deal with it.

rec comment: another felix pov that just fucks severely, i’m obsessed with how weirdly dysfunction this chanlix is - as GOD INTENDED.

fundamental mentalities by upottery - skz, binchan, chansung, minchan, 8k, e

The taut bowstring that runs along Chan's spine loosens for a moment, lets him straighten and cross the room in a few strides to the wall where Minho’s waiting. He doesn’t bother facing him, skips instead to resting his head on his folded arms, holding them above his shoulders. When he turns, his cheek hits the cold glass. He can feel Minho’s icy stare, sees it in the reflection only barely.

“That wasn’t so hard.” Minho says, low. “At least someone can listen around here.”

rec comment: ongoing bottom chan saga which i love, upottery writes bangers, i’m love u latte

this is what drives me crazy by ghosthunter - skz, hyunsung, 3ra, 8k, e 🚩

"Changbin-ah," Chan says, twisting around in his desk chair. "Can you go grab us drinks? I think Hannie could use one."

rec comment: LOVE an exploration of kink and discomfort and sex and relationships and how polyamorous arrangements relate and liking something because it gets someone else off and like, it’s all JAM PACKED in here with two of my fave ships so like god. fuck yeah. and pee!

winter in busan by booooin - bts, yoonmin, e, 43k 🚩

Alternate history!au. In a world where the Korean war never happened, Busan is the trashcan of the world, run by three clans (the Min, the Gwan, and the Bang) and able to feed itself only through the toxic waste processing industries and the polluting mining industries. Park Jimin is a Korean American who comes to Busan on business.

This fic is about environmental imperialism and the struggles of decolonization.

rec comment: honestly still chewing on this, it hits a bunch of my IMMENSE hit-or-miss tropes but god i thought the themes were handled well and like... the elements were worked in so well... the characterization... bonkers. wow.

#2023ficrecs #not sure if i'll do the comments every time #i used to do these and i didn't bother #but now that i leave more comments #it feels natural to add it in... idk~ #alex fic haul #I FORGOT I HAD A TAG - cute

[twiceasfrustrating]

Good morning from where I’m from, may I please ask for angst headcanons for Mammon please, it take place before the main story, he ran away from home for a years and whenit was time for the exchange his kid got chosen. When asked about if Mammon talks about them, his kid replied that they’re dad only has a dead sister and no other family

Rating: Teen and Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!

Relationships: Mammon & GN!MC

Characters: Mammon, Main Character

Additional Tags: Angst, GN!MC (they/them), child abandonment (unwilling), swearing, Mammon hooks up with a random lady who isn’t MC, I have a very poor opinion on deadbeat parents so it leaks out in this one

A/N: It's 3:30am as I finish this up. So even though I am posting it in the morning, goodnight from where I am.

Okay, I admit I had to reread this request a few times. What I understood was: At some point in the past, Mammon ran away from home for a while. He got someone pregnant and they ended up having his kid, but he had to leave them for some reason. Many years later, the exchange program starts and his kid ends up being the exchange student. He asks the kid about their father but all the kid can say is basically “I know very little about him other than his sister is dead”.

Mammon was tired. He was so tired of the way his own family treated him. He couldn’t go a single day without one of them blaming him for every little thing that went wrong. Sure, sometimes he messed up, and sometimes he made bad choices, but no one ever tried to understand his intentions. No one ever stopped to think for a moment that he was trying to do something good and it ended up backfiring on him. He was just the family screw up and he couldn’t take it anymore, so one day he just left.

The human world wasn’t as cool as the Devildom, but it would do if he wanted to get as far away from everyone as possible; which he did. It was just supposed to be a little jaunt out, but he found it was surprisingly nice. No one was insulting him or berating him for existing and every single mark was easy. So easy that it wasn’t even fun to steal anything. In fact, everything was boring. That was until he found her.

She was like daybreak after months of darkness and fresh water in the desert. She never shrugged off what he did when he was in the wrong, but she would try to understand him before scolding him. He would never change completely, but she made him want to be a better person than he was. He wanted her to admire him, not just try to manage him for a sliver of her attention. She was amazing and perfect and he would even think that maybe, just maybe, he could see himself with her for the rest of her life. He told her way too much about himself, in retrospect.

But… what is a break from home to a demon? Especially one that is supposed to help run an entire realm? A few years maybe? Well, his few years are up and his family is tired of waiting for him to come home. Lucifer himself comes to grab him and drag him back kicking and screaming. It doesn’t matter how Mammon protests, Lucifer is tired of putting up with his tantrum.

He doesn’t even get to say goodbye.

Eventually, after a lot more ‘pouting’ (as his family put it) he feel back in line and returned to the scumbag they all knew. In a strange way, they’d say they missed him. In another, they’d say he was a loser who was more trouble than he was worth, but he was family and family can’t just abandon each other.

Years pass. Things don’t change much.

Then, Diavolo mentions his exchange program plan and picks out a human.

Mammon can’t put his finger on it, but something about the human is familiar.

It doesn’t click until after they moved in and had been around for about a month. He’d been a good guide and fast friend in that time, despite their initial meeting.

They finally managed to get some of their personal good from home sent over so they can decorate the way they want. Mammon offered to help them unpack since he’s so generous and great. When he was helping take things out of their bags he found a picture. It was MC (probably about 10 or 11), an adult man, and… her. She was smiling as the man held her around the shoulders and she squeezed a smiling MC in a big bear hug.

He had to ask.

“Hey, who’re these?” The words felt heavy on his tongue already, as if his mouth didn’t want to say them.

MC looked over, a small smile filled with fondness crossing their face, “That’s me and my folks on vacation.”

Parents? As in she moved on and found herself another man and had a kid with him? He couldn’t have expected her to stay single forever, but a part of him had hoped.

“Ya look just like yer mom,” he says, finally noticing how similar their eyes are now that he’s seeing them side by side, “but ya got nothing of yer dad.” Okay, that was out of bitterness. He shouldn’t have said that.

It’s when MC’s face drops that he knows he really messed up. “He’s not my bio dad, but he’s the guy who raised me. Which, you know, is more than my sperm donor ever did.” Their words are full of bile.

“What?” There was a terrible feeling starting to twist his stomach. He shouldn’t ask the question clawing at his brain. He shouldn’t be trying to put the pieces together, but he couldn’t help it. The last time he saw her… what was MC’s age again? “What happened to him?”

“He walked out on Mom before she even realized she was pregnant. Apparently, he just vanished one day and she couldn’t find him to let him know.” That feeling in his stomach only got worse. “Whatever. He’s a rat bastard. If I ever find him, I owe him a punch in his stupid face for making Mom be a single parent until she met Dad.” They shrugged. “Can you put the photo on the table next to the bed?”

Their facial structure… it was familiar.  “Do ya know anything about him?”

The way their lips curled when they grimaced at him, it was just like looking in a mirror. “Why do you care so much?”

“Well, ya know…”

“Got it. You’re really nosey.” They sigh. “I don’t know. He has a dead sister? He didn’t say anything else, apparently. That’s why she could never find him after he left. There was no one to reach out to.”

Oh. Oh fuck. No…

A look of disgust crossed their face. “Can we stop talking about him? I really couldn’t care less and it’s leaving a bad taste in my mouth.”

 He was going to be sick. He didn’t want to leave her in the first place and now… He had missed so much. He’d missed so much that they already hated him. Fuck. He really did fuck up every family he was part of. Abandoned one, made another, and ended up breaking it before he could do anything else.

#obey me #angst #obey me angst #obey me fanfic #obey me mammon #obey me main character #mine #request #obey me headcanons

[ventiswampwater]

2022 writing wrap up

tagged by my beloved @possumteeths MWAH ILY

Total Words Published: 

30,725

Additional Words Written: 

about 9k of assorted other wips lmao

and about 4k for a random non-fic writing project that I kinda......abandoned......but maybe we’ll pick it back up idk

Grand Total of Words: 

about 44,000!

Fandoms:

house of wax exclusively. smh. bc I lost my mind in october over it and have published nothing BUT content for it

however!! I would love to branch out eventually and write some other shit lmao!!

I have a bride of chucky fic in the works and I’d love to dabble into other slashers PERHAPS

none of them own this ass quite like those wax losers UNFORTUNATELY

Highest Everything (raw kudos, hits, comments):

it’s my first HOW fic, poacher’s dream...which is a categorically nasty and weird lil house of wax oneshot about bo sinclair bein nasty w/beer bottles.

glad to know that all of u are intrigued @ the thought of being debased w/a budweiser bottle by this hick loser bc same tbh

Highest Kudos to Hits Ratio:

pumpkin guts! a silly lil halloween romp in which the reader carves pumpkins with the worst men in america! spooky!

New Things I Tried:

x reader fics lol!! I never thought I'd write anything in that format! tbqh, I didn't think I'd return to writing fanfic at all! bc for years I’ve had this cycle of getting into something, writing one (1) fic for it, losing all interest in fic writing, and disappearing off the face of whatever fandom I scuttled into lmao

seems like the only thing that motivates me to semi-regularly post fics is the concept of screwing the vilest fictional men?? interesting!! I love my neurological functions

Fic I Spent the Most Time On:

it feels like it was sanguine lmao

I wrote 9.5k words of weird cerebral EDGING porn for this deranged elvis impersonator and his mechanic LARP

I really did 

and it’s 100% the least accessible of my fics bc it’s Peculiar™. but when I tell u I sat and absolutely labored over that fic rfhsdjwjfedskrfjwds

I put a lot of time and energy into it and it knocked 7391932 years off my life tbh

Favorite Thing I Wrote:

something borrowed! 

I think it’s the strongest fic in my catalogue tbh. Just pacing/format-wise. I really like the overall structure and tone! It’s this strange little foray into Bo’s demented little pea brain and has several scenes I love a lot 

I’m also very fond of miss ambrose, my lester fic! it’s just GOOFY fluffy nonsense!!! I had SO MUCH fun writing it 

Favorite Thing I Read:

everything LITERALLY EVERTHING that my fuckin INCREDIBLY talented friend @possumteeths​/ @raccoonspooky​ wrote!! like I’m actively trying to narrow down my favorite and I am having the most DIFFICULT time bc they are all works of fuckin art lmao

I literally just reread obedient dogs the other day. go read that. have u read the SOUL SHATTERING and AWARD WINNING they'll pay you a thousand for a kiss & .50 for your soul ?? HAVE U?? BESTIE if U HAVE NOT??? 

basically, go gargle down all of poki’s content idk man IT’S ALL SO GOOD 

@visceravalentines​ wrote THIS incredible piece and it made me clinically fuckin insane. edit: AND THIS ONE. HOLY SHIT. I have reread both of these 7382817983 times!!! meg ily!! u just wait I’m gonna attack ur masterlist like a frenzied bear after a long winter hibernation I swear

regrettably, I didn’t consume a ton of fic this year!! granted, I only got into this fandom in october so I have time to catch up lmao!! definitely plan to have a more extensive list next year 

Writing goals for 2023:

write more nonsensical insanity and just have fun lmao

as for concrete plans!! I’d love to write a whole series of x readers with horror ladies (final girl/villain/what have u)! carly and tiff are already on that list, but if you have any other ideas, I’m all ears! I need to brush through my horror lady mental catalogue and give them some ao3 rights lmao!

New Works:

The previously mentioned Carly x Reader fic! It’s been my super self-indulgent brainchild for the past couple months, and I love it a lot! I really want to hammer it out this month and toss it out into the internet void......but we shall see. 

If only I can get the weevil that is Ho Binclair out of my goddamn scriv doc..........speaking of him.......................

☢️💥🤡 I’ve got 37171984918342 Bo WIP’s bopping around my skull at all times yikes🤡💥☢️

I don’t need those. u don’t need those. I’ve already written enough for this man. what else is there 2 say!!! and yet

I’m also writing bits and pieces of this multi-chaptered Vincent slowburn. that will be out..............................at some time? in the future jfrdsjhrjhwfdskrwfds who knows

tagging the writer moots that I haven't already seen tagged!! no stress of course mwah 

@visceravalentines, @venus-haze​

also consider urself tagged if u read 2 the bottom of this hell post 

#:^) #sam speaks #tag game

[thebreakfastgenie]

since you asked for more id be so happy to hear literally anything about safe travels cause I reread it again and I just love it with my entire heart and soul -ypq

First of all thank you so much!! I'm really happy you love that fic so much. I loved it, and then I reread it and I was like oh no is it not good? and then a while later I reread it again and I was like oh I love this again!

I have some WIPs that predate safe travels, and actually I think that fic I technically finished and never posted might too. But it was the first thing I really got momentum on. And then the momentum fucking abandoned me!!!! This fic was entirely written except for the last two scenes (and the final "tag" scene but I knew how that was going to go and don't really count it) for l don't even know how many months. I went through so many drafts of that BJ-Charles conversation, even more than the final big conversation between Hawkeye and BJ and that had a bunch of drafts too.

It just wasn't working and I don't know why and I had the damn thing pinned to my dock collecting virtual dust for an eternity. I knew what I had was good and I was so frustrated that I couldn't share it because it was unfinished. Even when I finally finished it, I was mostly just relieved, and it was still kind of pulling teeth. But before that, it was really fun.

One of my favorite bits is so small, but it's this:

“You know you’re on duty in post-op,” BJ reminds him. “Charles is already in a sore mood—” “—because of how thoroughly we whooped him—” Margaret interjects. “—and he’ll be even sorer if you don’t relieve him on time.”

I think this is best job I've ever done of writing an interjection. I was really happy with Mulcahy's dialogue in this scene, too.

This fic was my first time writing BJ. I expected it to be hard. I don't have a lot of feelings about BJ and I'm not very interested in him compared to the others, so I thought I would have no idea how to find his voice. But I had so. much. fun! Of course, now that I'm writing him in my ghost AU WIP, he's fucking impossible, just like I expected. But I had a ball here. I think giving him the mystery to solve and the weird little clues, the dirt under the fingernails and the jeep, probably helped a lot. But it was just fun!

After I wrote the scrub sink scene, I realized by chance my first two scenes ended with dialogue, so I decided to keep it up. I very seldom start with dialogue, but ending with dialogue was a fun experiment. I really like the bit where Hawkeye doesn't pick up the joke BJ is setting up, because he's too tired, and BJ kind of unhappily completes it himself.

I had a ton of fun writing Potter, too. Maybe even more than BJ. It was just a fun challenge! I even changed up the names for his POV, using Sherman and Pierce instead of Potter and Hawkeye, just to try something out. This might be my favorite scene, just because it has so many of my favorite lines. Most notably:

He slides one glass across the desk, where Pierce is draped over the chair like an oilcloth. Sherman’s a surgeon who’s seen more than most, but he thinks Dr. Gray himself would be at a loss to explain that man’s skeleton.

and

“You’re serious.” “You thought I was kidding?” He’s not too old to feel the flush of shame. “I’m sorry.” “People always think I’m kidding,” Pierce shrugs it off. “Of course, most of the time, I am.”

That bit is just mmmmmHawkeye feelings.

Funny story about this sentence:

BJ has never showed much interest in the nitty gritty of his best friend’s many rendezvous—he lets Hawkeye kiss and tell because it makes him happy—but tonight, he knows, he’ll be hanging on every sordid detail, and if Hawkeye doesn’t provide enough of them, he’ll poke and prod until he does.

I liked the way the first half sounded, so I had to come up with an ending that gave me a reason to use it. It took a while.

Rizzo was fun. I'm not sure if he insulted BJ enough. I did my best with that, but I think it could have been a more clear insult.

I love the Charles scene.

“What I fail to understand, is what gives you the impression Pierce works any harder than the rest of us.”

Let me take the opportunity to say this: JUSTICE FOR CHARLES! With the information he has, he has every right to be annoyed! Charles doesn't know Hawkeye was kidnapped and held at gunpoint. I was really worried the reader would forget that, since the audience does know, and judge him unfairly.

The part about Peg's letter came in during the second or third draft and ended up being the best angle into BJ. I had fun writing him before but this scene killed me. It went through several more rewrites, but I knew I wanted to keep the letter.

This final conversation was really, really hard. I'm happy with what I wrote, but I don't think I'll ever be completely satisfied.

I do really like the opening:

Hawkeye crouches on the floor of the swamp, elbow-deep in his footlocker. Beside him, his suitcase is splayed open like first-year anatomy practice; like a cadaver after all the organs have already been removed.

This entire fic came from the vision of this conversation I had in my head and I don't think I can ever truly capture it. Because it was so visual, like a scene from the show, I had the worst time choosing which POV to use. I finally decided on Hawkeye telling from his POV, and BJ reacting from his POV, which also gave me a natural spot to split it down the middle, and I'm happy with that part. Writing a Long Hawkeye Speech about Seoul was fun. I think I did okay, but I'm no Alan Alda and certainly no Larry Gelbart.

I'm not a big one for jealous BJ--I think the level of jealousy he displays in the show is normal--but BJ being pissy that Hawkeye told Potter first felt right. I can't explain why, but it did. BJ is kind of spiraling this entire fic, because he knows something is off but he doesn't know what and Hawkeye uncharacteristically won't talk about it. That would drive me crazy.

“That kid might still be alive if I spoke Korean.” He sounds distant, regretful. BJ’s stomach turns. “Or if his friend with the gun spoke English,” he points out. Hawkeye gives him a sidelong look. “It’s his country, Beej.”

Is one of the first bits I had. The language barrier in The Best of Enemies is so damn tragic and ironic. Hawkeye, of all people, forced to help at gunpoint... he'd help anyway, but that soldier doesn't know that and Hawkeye can't tell him. And I've always loved the bits in early seasons of Hawkeye trying and mostly failing to learn Korean. I've always headcanoned that he did try to learn Korean, but never got very far. I thought he'd feel guilty about that in this situation, or at least think about it a lot. I did have BJ realize he was right, because I didn't want him to come off too badly. BJ isn't Frank, he's just focused on comforting Hawkeye and feeling very protective.

“Hawk, he held a gun to your head!” BJ explodes. “What would you do if it was me?” Hawkeye asks.

This dialogue was the very first thing I had. The entire fic leads to this, really. Hawkeye empathizes with his captor, and BJ can't stand it, because this guy held Hawkeye at gunpoint and that's all he needs to know.

I knew, from the very beginning, that I had to ask the question. I think that's the entire point of the fic, really. I thought quite a bit about the direction I wanted it to go, because both of them have their merits. I didn't ask what would Hawkeye do if it was BJ, although I address it earlier when he wonders what he'd do for any of them, and I think Hawkeye raising it means he's thought about it, while BJ is caught off guard. I asked what would BJ do if it was Hawkeye? I liked it coming naturally from Hawkeye's defense of the North Korean. But I also knew I couldn't answer the question. So BJ dodges with medicine. BJ, bless him, thinks he can find a way out. Of course that doesn't work. It's unanswerable, until you've been there. The Hawkeye Speech here was a late addition, and I'm happy I added it.

I let BJ turn it around on Hawkeye, because I think he has a point. Hawkeye is forgiving of someone kidnapping him, but what if someone kidnapped BJ? And then can he understand why BJ can't be so forgiving? Of course, that's unanswerable too. It's kind of frustrating, because none of the central questions have answers. But that's life!

The dirt is a running thread because I truly cannot ever get over the image of Hawkeye digging that grave.

What stuns BJ is that Hawkeye says it so casually, as if it were the obvious thing to do.

Like... me too, Beej! But, you know, I wonder if BJ would have done that. If any of the others would have. The first time I watched that episode, I knew what Hawkeye was going to do. It was inevitable. So this is BJ's reaction to that.

“This damn war, Beej,” he says softly. “This goddamn, stinking war.”

This was one of the first lines I had, too, before I worked out how they all fit together. The fight just goes out of Hawkeye, here. And underneath it all, that's all it is. The war. None of them wants to be here, not Hawkeye, not BJ, not the North Korean or his dead friend. But this war is happening and they're pointing guns at each other. I think that's a theme in The Best of Enemies, too. I like writing episode tags that stay on theme.

It won’t work, but Hawkeye needs to try, and BJ needs to let him.

This might be my favorite friendship line I've written. Of course BJ wants to keep Hawkeye close, but he knows he needs to let him go. And the futility of it all...

I came up with the idea of doing a tag, almost like it was an episode, somewhere along the way. I really wanted to do Klinger POV, because I love Klinger. And now that BJ and Potter are both in the know, it was nice to bring in someone from the outside. I wrote that tag pretty fast, and it could probably be more polished. I liked the idea of Hawkeye using fake lab results as a cover for his call. I came up with the title and the toast as the last line at the same time, very late in the process, and at that point I just wanted to finish the damn thing.

It's possible Charles and the others find out the truth eventually. I didn't go that far, so who knows, but I wouldn't assume they never do.

Honestly I feel like there is more I could have covered but I can't think of it so if you want to chat about anything specific literally just ask!

#mashposting

[sturkillerbase]

Tag Game

Thank you so much for the tag @scorpio-marionette and @misspearly1

Which one of your fics would you enjoy the most if you were able to read it for the first time?

I actually went back to reread my fics before answering these. I've written several imagines, that's how I started, and only later started writing actual fics. I would really like to have the chance to read Ancient Tales for the first time. I invested so much in it, I researched a lot, I added a bit that was inspired by my grandfather, even though I didn't get to meet him. I was so happy about it! But the first chapter only got 26 notes. And the second only 12, all likes... It was my second year in uni, and I had loads of work to do. So that combined with no feedback made me leave it behind. There are things I would've done better if I were to write it today, but it's still a good work. Sad thing I don't remember entirely the whole story to continue it...

Which fic are you most proud of? Why?

I am very proud of It's All Coming Back to Me in Waves. I'm finally good enough in English to have very little misspellings. I'm more mature, so my writing is infinitely better than when I started; I started writing it with the whole story already in my head, so as it goes I only fix something here and there and then add or take away something. I've been on a down side for the past few weeks that blocks me enough to be unable to write, thus delaying the whole thing from being finished. But I finally feel better and I'll be able to catch up soon!

Is their a work you would like to do over again? For any reason, to perfect it, to relive writing it, ect.

As I mentioned before, it was fun to write Ancient Tales. I'd like to do it again both so I could remember what was the ending I had planned for it and to make it better, give it a better flow. My oldest fics are Memories and Broken. They're poorly written - I was just a dumb teenager - my english wasn't so fluent and I didn't even had someone to ask to be my beta. I think they were great ideas, just badly developed. Both were also abandoned after getting absolutely no feedback :/

How do you feel about comments/reblogs/likes?

I absolutely love them, specially reblogs and comments. I wish I got more. I wouldn't have so many unfinished works if I had at least a few people back then to support me. Thankfully, things are better in this new fanfic era of mine, and although I'm no super famous blog, the readers who stick with me are so kind and supportive! Entering the Pedro Pascal fandom has been one of the greatest experiences I've ever had!

Is there a fic that you were shocked to find other people liked? Why?

Years later abandoning Ancient Tales, I got a comment on Ao3 wondering where were the missing chapters and complimenting me for my research on history. I was so shocked!

Is there a fic you wish more people had liked?

ANCIENT TALES!!!

Also Promises Under the Moon got little to no attention. I had bigger hopes for it :( Apparently people are only interested in Dieter Bravo fics if it involves smut.

Is there an idea that you were excited about but just didn't pan out?

Ok, mix of story time and idea explanation here: I once had the chance to dance with my school crush. He was THE crush. I remember that day so dearly. It was so unexpected and sweet and I was shaking all over once the song ended and I went back home smiling to myself like an idiot. It inspired me to write the same scenario for Bucky, except the fic would have a happier ending where the reader would actually start dating him, unlike real life me. I never forgot it though, but I don't know if I'll ever write it.

How do you feel when you post a new fic?

A bit anxious. I always post it before going to sleep so I won't be checking my notifs every 2 minutes. But I'm always hopeful that it'll have better feedback than the last one. It rarely has though...

Thank you for tagging me again! I love answering questions and these were really interesting!

NP tags: @sakkajagga @thegreenkid @supernaturalgirl20 @mandoblowmybackout @ezrasbirdie and anyone else who'd like to join! (also sorry if you've already been tagged, but do tag me to see the answers, I'm loving to read these!)