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lady-elora · 3 years

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"It was love", or five reasons and five refutations of hatred for sylki

So, folks, I did it. I finally translated from Russian an amazing article about the romantic line in “Loki”. I agree with every word in it. Hope it’ll help all the sylki shipers to fend off the attacks of antis with a reasoned arguments.

Would you like to talk about our god Odin the most controversial Marvel franchise pairing which caused a storm of indignation and negative emotions on the part of fans?

We're talking about Loki/Sylvie from "Loki" (2021) mini-series, or sylki (lovie) as they were called by fans. Apparently a simple get-pairing consisting of a man and a woman (or bisexual gender fluids, if you prefer), but some people were shocked by such a relationship on the screen. Why? What for? How? That may be your questions. So we’ll discuss their claims and groundlessness of them in this article.

But before we start talking about it, I want to clarify what actually the concept of the "selfcest" is.

Usually we marked as a "selfcest" those works that describe the relationship of a character with himself. Most often, this warning implies a "doubling" of the character; alternatively – the same character is taken at different ages or falls for his/her absolutely identical copies.

Agreed?

Let's go then.

< < < 1 > > >

The first and main thing which follows from the definition above is: "Showing the selfcest on the screen is disgusting and immoral!"

It also follows from the definition above that the selfcest is the relationship of the same character with himself in the form of identical copies both in character and appearance. The highest form of narcissism, according to Mobius (which, in fact, is to some extent true). Horrors from a snuffbox, according to some impressionable audience. It hardly makes sense to rant about the fact that masturbation is also a form of selfcest (although the fact is rather amusing).

The bottom line is that if Loki once again created a copy of himself to deceive someone and fell in love with it, it would be a selfcest. Splitting himself into two people and building a relationship between them is a selfcest as well. Turning into a hermaphrodite and ... no, this is something completely perverted.

The basis of the selfcest is absolute identity. If we take a character who is so in love with him/herself that he/she sees relationships only with him/herself, then in such a case he/she can only build them with a perfect scanned copy of him/herself. It will be very easy for the person who knows him/herself inside and out to notice some inconsistencies in a partner, and then it makes no sense to build a relationship if he/she is not as perfect (as the "original" is), isn’t it? That’s how this logic works.

And now attention, please!

Is the romance of two Elvis Presley understudies a selfcest?

They look almost the same, both like Elvis... But no, right? These two people are different people, with different tempers and lives, who are similar only in appearance and pseudonyms. So this is a very ordinary relationship.

Now let's get back to our sheep. So we have two people from different worlds, with different stories, different tempers, different powers and different external signs who were born under the same name and later lived their lives with different ones. The only thing that is identical in them is the essence of the God of Mischief. So where is the ground for an egoistic selfcest? Nowhere.

Don't forget about identity. We can say that they are very similar, since initially they are both Lokis. But do you wanna say it's so hard to meet similar people in real life? No. Do you wanna say it's hard to meet similar people in two similar universes? No. I'll tell you a secret: writers often like to use the trope of intertwining almost identical tempers between characters to show their mental connection. And it's not a crime, but a common technique. And, again, a "similarity" doesn't fall under the criteria of selfcest.

And finally, if Sylvie were an exact copy of Loki, would there be people who love one but can't stand the other? It's the same character after all, so what's the problem? But the point is that Loki is Loki. And Sylvie is Sylvie. They exist separately from each other and are not the same due to the presence of distinctive features.

If you want to use Kang's words, remember that he admired these two.

< < < 2 > > >

The second and no less amusing is "Loki doesn't need a love interest at all!"

I'm sorry, but which Loki?

The one who appeared in all the films of the series "Thor" and "The Avengers"?

He's dead, guys.

And Loki from the series is a character torn out from the finale of the first "Avengers" and revamped by TVA with the help of an impromptu session of psychologist Mobius and viewing on-screen all of his promising deeds. This Loki was told head-on that he was created as a minor character in order to plot his machinations for the development of the protagonists and he was unnecessary to the whole world. This Loki has an advantage over the previously known version of himself just in knowing this fact. This Loki has recognized for everyone and for himself that he didn't want to harm the others. And this Loki, by definition, is already a different character, but for some reason people tailor him to a long-familiar one, ignoring the obvious things point-blank.

He is no stranger to simple human feelings, because every version of the God of Mischief is initially an offended and despised child grown up in the shadow of his own brother, a child who just wanted to be loved too and in the same way. Only the paths to this under-goal were different for all Lokis. One killed Thor in order to remain the only ruler (people always adore kings), another invented unthinkable feats (people love heroes), the third built a perfect world out of promises for everyone, the fourth tried to become a hero himself, but was too crushed to find mistakes in his plan, the fifth excluded himself from the equation so that everyone understood he didn't want to harm the others and to cause the pain.

Loki from the series is a version that knows everything about himself, but at the same time is not bound by the framework of the other variants' plot. He doesn't need to win back Asgard, to fight with Thanos, with the Avengers, with contempt and so on. He is free from borders. He is from the world where Frigga never died. He is the only Loki without the "glorious purpose". He is different.

So his attitude to other people is now different as well. It's stupid to perceive this version exactly as a long-known character.

After all he had seen, this Loki would hardly be able to live alone like any other. He is extremely naked and needs love (in any form), as the most reliable and not bringing destruction and suffering point of support.

< < < 3 > > >

The third and my favorite thing is: "Love in five minutes! Why did it come out at all?"

Why did Loki fall for Sylvie, and even in a couple of days?

OK, you can quite easily explain Sylvie's motivation: she found a person who had interest for her, who suddenly cared about her, protected her... Could he be an unworthy party in such a case? Moreover, before that, Sylvie, in principle, had no close people and she internally really lacked such an attitude to herself, banal love (parents, people, friends, romantic), which she hadn’t due to the lack of normal childhood and a stable life.

But Loki?..

But Loki is not a vain killing machine from The Avengers anymore, not a person for whom the self-affirmation is the only goal in life. Let's rewind a little, and remember that he was brainwashed in TVA and lowered from heaven to earth. Loki was always reasonable. Loki could always be courteous and friendly. Loki was always a gentleman. And finally he realized that there's no sense in all this aggression and hyperbolized narcissism, and he pushed his one-actor theater aside in order to at least normally rethink the concept of time and reality.

And here comes Sylvie.

Unpredictable, dangerous, painfully similar to him, but at the same time completely different. Loki never had good intentions in his conquests; only the ways were sometimes good. Sylvie went to the good liberation of people and the return of their right to choose their lives, but through blood. In fact, she is his mirror image.

She intrigued. A wild person who swung at the destruction of the time control organization alone and coped well with it.

However, the countdown started from the moment when they both got on the train. The moment when Loki began to understand what the real essence of Sylvie was. Grown up in fear, distrustful, broken Sylvie, who was desperately trying to make TVA pay for everything. For everyone. And it was amazing for him.

Here, as for me, the Moffat's quote about his BBC Sherlock fits very well: ..when he saw her, he thought: "Maybe there can be someone like me?" – but with a slight nuance that Loki himself would like to be someone like that. Like a fighter in spite of and for the good, causing admiration. With some corrections in the form of the absence of a painful childhood, despair and anger.

Then the spring of "Loki's MeUs" begins to unwind, and the essence of it is that he understands her and her feelings, because, although they are different people, they are internally similar. Loki looks at her as if she is a person he has known for a very long time, but not completely. It's like if you met an old childhood friend seven years later: it seems to be the same, but also it seems to be different. It seems that everything is elementary, but there's not enough of a certain number of details.

(He'll realize later that he was missing much more).

So we take the initial interest, add the conditional knowledge of a person, and we get a very specific variation of the trope "from friends to lovers".

This may seem far-fetched, but we have two factors on our hands that are fundamental for this trope. Keep them in your head, but for now, let's applaud the fact that Marvel for the first time figured out how to derive formulas for the logical development of relationships in the shortest possible time. In what way? In the most elementary way: through psychology.

There's such a thing as the stages of the formation of relationships, which includes:

- Falling in love (interest, flirting, rethinking)

- Trust (challenge, joint activity, mutual assistance)

- A sense of kinship (empathy, responsibility, confidence)

- A sense of unity

- Love

In our case, only the first three points are considered, but the third one is with a chip in the form of a final. I should also focus attention on the fact we are not considering love. We are considering a serious crush, which can develop into love, since the latter one is a slightly longer process that still has to go through to the end. And we consider them in extreme (+accelerated by our two fundamental factors) conditions, where our heroes are forced to work together and trust each other in order to survive.

After reviewing the aspects of the three points we have chosen, we can easily draw analogies with the events that happened with Loki and Sylvie.

They are interested in each other, they think that they know each other, they develop in relationships with each other in a completely healthy way. A little faster than in the series for a hundred episodes maybe, but it is conditioned.

Needless to say, this is impossible and illogical: we have the clearest example of love from nowhere in the form of a couple of Scott Lang and Hope Van Dyne, who had absolutely no prerequisites to it, but at the same time kissed at the end of the first film. Nothing personal, it's just a fact.

The relations of our "defendants" aren't based on carnal attraction, they didn't immediately break out ready-made due to a rush of adrenaline, they are not one-sided and not abusive. Loki and Sylvie carry about each other, support each other (if it doesn't seem so, then we'll also talk about Sylvie a little later, everything in its own time), plus sympathy and love based on the fact that a person is ready to fight with you and trust you, sounds very appropriate, doesn't it?

And yes, there are similar examples of "love in five minutes" in life, which I've also seen. This is real.

< < < 4 > > >

The fourth thing which also makes me roll my eyes is "Sylvie didn't need relationships at all and she didn't care about Loki."

So let's make a small lyrical digression and think about who Sylvie is.

The Goddess of Mischief? Yep, but far from Loki, which means there's no sense to adjust her to the same classic image. As a child, Sylvie was dragged out of her own world. As a child, Sylvie fled across the time with fear and horror from TVA. Sylvie hid all her conscious life and saw people dying around her over and over again. Sylvie knew that outside of the apocalypses millions are simply dying from the hands of TVA too. She was alone all the time, during all her life she developed anger and hatred for this organization, until revenge for herself and for others became the only meaning of her life.

And here comes Loki.

Another version of the God of Mischief, which forces her to rebuild the plan on the go, in order to still bring it to the end. Frivolous, broken, stucked up Loki. He lazily, automatically puts sticks in her wheels. And then, on Lamentis, he suddenly decides to fight with her and help. After that, he completely trusts her with his life and cares about her own. And it seems to her like some kind of nonsense, like another trick, an invention for personal gain. Sylvie understands the essence of Loki, but she can't perceive him the way he perceives her. She sees in him what she could have become without the intervention of TVA.

But after that rush through the city, after realizing the hopelessness of the situation, when he says he is sorry and he thinks she is amazing, something clicks in her head. No one has ever cared about her (in this regard, she is not like Loki, who had at least Frigga), and now Loki, who knows her only from the archives and her meager life-story, who dragged her into the apocalypse, but also tried his best to help her to get out, just says that he is fascinated.

Sylvie grew up with her own concept of truth and lies: for her, there's only her truth and the eternal deception from the others. And then she thinks: may it be that..?

The thoughts that no one on the entire Timeline needs her, and that she should have recognized the lie, are marinating in her head to the end. Loki is not like the people she has spent her whole life with (he looks more like her, understands more or tries to understand at least; he believes), Loki behaves strangely and worries about her. Sylvie can't believe it (her past affects her completely), but subconsciously she wants someone to really care about her.

And she starts taking care of Loki in return. She comes closer and closer, but at the same time she is ready to turn around and rush back at any moment. Because she's scared. Sophia Di Martino says that for Sylvie, feelings are something new, unknown, and such things always cause fear in people. She tries to deny it, to be ironic, she's waiting for a trick, but doesn't move away.

She's just thinking: "Come on. Betray me. Betray me so that I'll be right again and trust no one anymore."

But Loki doesn't betray her. On the contrary: he recognizes that he cares of her, he tries to protect her with all his might. And that's the moment when Sylvie finally falls in love. That's why she pushes him through the portal to TVA which – the Multiverse is being formed, yay – is the safest place at the time.

Why didn't she give up on killing Kang? Because that was her glorious purpose. Sylvie lived with the revenge and the dream of saving everyone from the dictator and she just couldn't give up all this after the horrors that she experienced in her life. Blood, death and fear – that's what she saw during all these years. But Loki didn't see that so he couldn't understand. That's why Sylvie didn't listen to him.

And if she didn't care about Loki, if she didn't feel anything at all, Sylvie would have killed him the moment her sword was at his neck. She'd killed before – it wouldn't be a problem. But she does care of Loki.

< < < 5 > > >

The fifth and final thing is "These relationships hinder the development of both characters!"

And that's the funniest claim from those who watched the series with their eyes closed.

During the series, Sylvie and Loki are revealed from new sides thanks to their feelings. Caring for others, compassion, responsibility, the very fact of showing love for another person – all this develops them both. The friendship was shown through Mobius. The family has always been represented by Thor, Odin and Frigga. But showrunners wanted to reveal Loki from all sides, decompose him into components and show what he is from the inside in all aspects. And they did it.

Loki, who doesn't care about the fate of the Universe, and who only wants to regain world domination again, turns into a hero who wants to save the whole world. And one more person.

With Sylvie, it's a little more difficult, due to the fact that her life was also more difficult. Her case is more lost. However, in the end we see that such a long-awaited retribution doesn't bring her satisfaction. Because she understands the wrongness of this act, she regrets it and realizes that everything was wrong. But she realizes it too late.

If we had cut Loki out of her life, Sylvie would have killed the Keeper without any guilt, without feeling remorse, because she wouldn't have known that everything could be different, that she might choose another way.

This is what is called character development.

Sophia says both Loki and Sylvie feel the same, they grow together, but at different rates. And by the end of the series, Sylvie is approximately where Loki was after a psychotherapy session with Mobius. But not at the very beginning – that's what's important.

I hope this article has at least a little explained the whole essence of sylki pairing, because surely I'm not Tom and Sophia, who know their characters best. However, trying is something, isn't it?

Thanks for attention ;)

Source: «Это была любовь», или пять причин и пять опровержений ненависти к Sylki

#loki #sylvie #loki x sylvie #loki series #sylki #lovie #lovedaggers #fandom analytics #translation from russian

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evernoddingaudience · 2 years

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Being both autistic and schizoid is so funny sometimes because they tend to cancel each other out even though they're often cited as being similar.

So on one hand we have my autism: I take things very literally and I don't always catch sarcasm, I don't interrupt tone of voice or facial expressions correctly, I have trouble processing words spoken to me and I have even more trouble speaking words to others, etc.

But on the other hand, none of that really matters if I never socialize at all lmao.

I often appear much better at socializing than I am because I just don't talk and I don't pay that much attention to what the strangers are actually saying. I've practiced nodding politely and smiling neutrally and that carries me so much farther than I thought it would. I've heard that most people enjoy talking about themselves, so I can only assume they're having a good time talking to someone who won't talk about themself in return. I wouldn't know because I'm not paying attention.

But also the apathy and indifference of being schizoid is often negated by the intensity of my special interests. I still find it hard to show that excitement outwardly, but the people who are often around me can tell that I have passion for certain subjects. It also helps, just a little, with the lack of identity that comes with being schizoid. I may have no idea who I am but I know that I fuckin love bugs.

I think the main point where they interact negatively and exacerbate each other is when it does come to identity though. It's common within both disorders for people to mask traits, create false personas, and bury their natural tendencies so far down that digging them back up can take years of work. It looks a little different for each disorder, and it feels different internally in my experience, but the fear of not knowing who you are, if there's anything left underneath everything, if you ever managed to exist at all- I've seen both parties relate to that existential dread.

If anyone else is autistic & schizoid and has other experiences in the way they overlap and interact, I'd be interested in hearing them

#actuallyautistic #schizoid #szpd #schizoid personality disorder #cluster a #autism spectrum disorder

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kerie-prince · 3 years

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We're Worlds Apart (5)

Draco Malfoy x American No-Maj!reader

series m.list | general m.list | previous chp

warnings: cursing, mom being a dick :/, accidental peeping eyes, jealous draco

summary: Draco Malfoy is a pureblood wizard. Magic runs through his veins and has been since his birth. You're a Wiccan No-Maj; a non-magical being with ordinary blood through your veins, but practices what you call magick. And this very practice upsets your neighbor.

a/n: omg, i had to rewrite this WHOLE THING again. but now i know to write things in my google docs first

(gif cred)

Everyone at the table was silent. Your mother sat processing what had just occurred moments ago. I practice, too. You always wondered why your brother never talked too much about her whenever you were on long phone calls with him. He was pretty vague about Stephanie, and now you knew why.

Actually, it made complete sense as to why he didn't tell your mom about Stephanie being a practicing witch, but you? That was what really confused you.

“So,” you decided to break the silence, “how long have you practiced?”

Stephanie had an excited glimmer in her eyes when you asked. “I'm still a baby, I started earlier this year.” Something about her aura was soothing and pure. You scooted your chair closer to her and continued your conversation. “So you’re a Wiccan? Or do you practice something else?”

“I practice Gardnerian Wicca,” she declared. From the corner of your eyes, you could see your mother holding back a scoff. Surely she was thinking Why the hell is she encouraging this?

The ding of the oven sounded like church bells to her as it gave her an excuse to leave the room and focus on anything else. The situation was quite hysterical. But questions were in order. As Stephanie left to use your bathroom, you pulled your brother aside. “Dude, why the hell didn’t you tell me anything?”

He flinched away from your hand and started massaging the pain away from your grip, “I didn’t think it was my business to tell.”

“But you told her about me?” You asked with crossed arms. Your brother’s logic was lacking. “It… might’ve slipped, but I only told her after she told me that she’s a witch. I don’t go around campus saying ‘Hey, I’m Y/B/N Y/L/N. I’m a communications major and y’know what? My sister’s a witch.’” You weren’t upset that he told his girlfriend about you. You weren’t ashamed at all. And you weren’t really upset that he didn’t talk to you about her. Because, in a sense, he’s right.

But you like being dramatic, so you figured that while you've got your brother in your house you’d act like a petty sister. “Whatever, man. But you could’ve told Mom beforehand,” you scolded with your arms crossed. He had a scoff in his laugh, “Tell Mom? We’re thinking of the same person, right? You know she would freak.”

“She’s freaking out right now! I’d have rather her freak out earlier before she made my house look like some stupid picture in a Martha Stewart kitchen advertisement,” you whisper yelled. To think that your house could have looked as it normally did annoyed you. Grandma’s tapestry you whined internally.

Stephanie found you two in your hallway and froze in an awkward stance, “Is everything okay?” You and your brother put on your best smiles. “Yeah, just wanted to see how my baby bro is doing,” you reached up to pinch his cheeks to which he swatted you hand away. It started a playful fight that made your guest laugh in amusement. The sound of your mother announcing that dinner was ready brought the little fight to a halt. “I’ll beat your ass later,” you challenged him, fingers doing an ‘I’ve got my eyes on you’ movement.

—

He couldn't believe it.

Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini stood at his doorstep with their bags. Theo had his wand pointed out with confetti spurting out the tip. “Surprise!” he yelled.

Draco pulled them in quickly and nearly sprained his neck as he looked around to make sure no one saw his friend. “What part of 'muggle neighbors’ did you not understand” he scolded.

“Oh shit, sorry mate. I forgot.” Theo scratched the back of his head. He then glared at Blaise knowing that with his brilliant memory, he let Theo make a big mess of things. Theoretically and literally. An enchanted broom swept up the confetti on the floor.

“What are you guys doing here, I wasn’t expecting you two for another week?” Draco asked as he pulled each wizard in for a welcoming hug.

“Merlin, mate. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’re disappointed to see us,” Blaise teased.

“That's not what I meant and you know that. I’m happy… just surprised.” The blond wasn't isn't used to showing this kind of side to himself. “What brings you two here early?”

“Have you ever known Theo to be patient for anything? Bloody git nearly dragged me out in the middle of work,” Blaise expressed. The Slytherin trio laughed as the two friends followed Draco through his new home. “Well, here’s the guest room. Set your things down and I’ll grab some drinks.”

For the first time since getting his phone and learning about take-out, Draco had ordered a couple pizzas to be delivered. Blaise and Theo were genuinely impressed by the whole thing. “Muggles sure do think of everything,” Theo observed.

“Almost shocked that Malfoy here adapted pretty well to them,” Blaise had a smirk on his lips before stuffing his mouth with his first ever slice. “Salazar, this is amazing.” Draco raised his eyebrows in agreement. The three men sat in the living room eating and caught up with each other.

The night was filled with laughter and tipsy hiccups. It was arguably Draco’s best night since he first moved to America. He hadn’t realized how much he missed their shenanigans since Hogwarts before it all went to shit thanks to a certain Dark Lord. He was ecstatic and couldn’t wait for them to meet his new friends.

In the middle of their laughter, Theo was seen squinting his eyes in a direction, “Oi mate, who’s that?” The two others followed his eyes which looked out a window. Sort of blurry due to the alcohol, Draco leaned forward to focus on what it was Theo was talking about.

When his vision cleared, he saw some heads moving around. And… arms flinging about? The sight was strange to say the least. Draco didn't exactly know what was going on, he watched as you stood in your living room in front of who he recognized as your mother. Sitting on your couch was some woman, and in between you and your mother was some guy.

“Is that the muggle neighbor you told me about?” Blaise observed.

“Yeah, and her mum. Don’t know the others, though.” Draco stated. He shrugged his shoulders and sat in a comfortable position. Blaise continued to look at the weird scene next door. The only pieces he could put together was that you definitely weren’t happy and neither was your mother. “She’s kinda fit, don’t you think?”

“No,” Draco didn’t hesitate to answer. His irritated voice was indication enough to not press on the matter more. And seeing as it was their first night in America, Blaise didn’t want to risk getting hexed before bed.

Draco looked at the clock on the wall which read 10:57 pm. “Shit,” he whispered. “I’m turning in. I have a meeting in the morning.” Theo was already passed out on the soft couch and Blaise walked himself to the guest room to claim the bigger bed. Once in his room, Draco chugged a bottle of water that was on his nightstand and went to sleep.

—

She finally went home. After the huge fight that broke out after dinner, your mother grabbed her things and left. Poor Stephanie had witnessed the mess and regretted coming. As much as she was glad to finally meet a fellow practicing witch, she underestimated your mother entirely.

It actually surprised you that your mother acted in such ways. Growing up, your mom never really made too much of a fuss of your Craft. But just out of nowhere, she’s making comments of this and making complaints of that. You wanted to forget Thanksgiving night all together.

Currently, you were pacing in your kitchen debating on whether or not to call Stephanie and make sure she was alright. She was nothing but sweet and kind. Didn't deserve to come home with your brother and have some woman blow up. Your mother hit some random nerve in the middle of your conversation that you carried on about what Steph’s practice consisted of and yelled about her whole family getting full of ‘damn weirdos’.

The best thing to come out of it was that you were able to bring back all your original decorations and stored all the stuff your mother bought in the garage.

Thinking about it started to give you a migraine. You walked to your bathroom and started to fill the tub with the hottest water you could take. As it filled, you went to the comfort of your room and undressed. You opted out on bath salts and oils; just the warmth of the water would be enough to settle your nerves.

Before you could remove your bra, you felt a weird shiver up your spine. Something in the air made you feel tense. You wanted to assume that it was negative energy that your mother left behind, but it felt different than that. No, you felt a presence in your home. Or worse, from somewhere else.

You turned around and widened your eyes in horror. A man that you didn’t know nor have ever seen before looks at you from the window of your neighbor, Draco’s room. As soon as it processed to him that you were looking back, he quickly shut the curtains again. At that moment, you wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. You were so caught up in your thoughts that you forgot to shut your blinds.

You sat in your bathtub still shocked that a complete stranger almost saw you naked. Had you even gone further a couple seconds or ignored your instincts, he could have seen everything. You dunk your head into the water and scream under it. This day can’t get worse you thought.

But oh, how it can. You performed your house cleansing spell and as soon as you set the censor dish down, the doorbell rang. You opened the door and was face to face with the same man who saw you. “Hello,’ he said. You recognized the accent, how it sounded like Draco’s.

Shyly, you nodded your head and said a soft ‘hi’.

“Listen, I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for… for what happened,” presumably Draco’s friend apologized.You stood there a bit shocked and flustered. “I swear I’m not a bloody pervert. Mate doesn't have any light in his room so I’d thought I’d do him a favor. Guess that didn't turn out so well,” he sheepishly chuckled. It made you laugh as well. It was decided that it was just an honest mistake.

“It’s okay. I should’ve closed my curtains so I guess it goes both ways,” a blush was spread across your cheeks. The more you looked at him, the more you studied his gorgeous features. “I’m Y/N. You must be Draco’s friend,” you extended your hand out for him to shake. He took it in his and you nearly melted into his smooth skin.

“Yes, I am. I’m Blaise.”

—

Draco returned home with a pounding headache and stiff neck. He had never felt more tired than he did in this moment. He saw Theo sitting on his couch reading the Daily Prophet with one hand and holding a cup of tea in the other. It was funny to Draco because he explicitly remembers Theo promising that he would never become his father who did this exact thing.

Looking around his surroundings, he noticed how his other best friend wasn’t around. “Where’s Zabini?”

“I think he went out for a walk,” Theo guessed. “Think he’s been gone for about an hour now that I think about it.” He put his paper down and mirrored the look of curiosity that was also on Draco’s face. Seconds later, the devil himself walked into Draco’s home. The look on his face was the same he had back in Hogwarts. A look Draco and Theo knew all too well.

“How? Actually no, scratch that. Who?” Theo pressed on instantly. Draco was also interested as to how Blaise somehow seduced a woman a day into his vacation in the foreign country. “You gits really want to know who?” They both nodded. He stood hesitantly but kept the smirk on his face, “Your muggle neighbor, Y/N.”

Theo stood up and gave Blaise a high-five, “You still got the magic touch I see.”

“Please never say that again,” Blaise sighed. He went on to explain everything that just happened, how he accidentally saw you, how he went over and how you invited him in for coffee and talked for about an hour. Well, mainly flirted. Then he talked about how he acted coy and wanted to know whatever was nice in town and when you told him about a French restaurant uptown, he used it as a way to ask you on a date.

Blaise was explaining everything, but it all sounded quiet to Draco. He couldn’t hear a word out of his friends mouth after he said your name.

“Mate, you alright? You look pale,” Blaise looked concerned.

Draco snapped out of it and lied through his teeth, “I’m fine. Just tired and slightly hungover is all.” Lie? Why would I be lying about this? Wait… why am I lying about this?

“Oh, well I can make the thing my mum makes for hangovers if you’d like,” Theo offered.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just get some rest.” Draco walked to his bedroom and removed the necktie around his collar. As he walked in, he saw how his curtain wasn’t fully closed. He opened it slightly and as he looked across, he saw you sitting in a chair in your bedroom. You seemed to have been in a haze before you looked up and met your eyes with his. You waved gently and Draco, as he always does now, nodded his head and closed the curtains.

This can’t be real.

—

next chp

(っ◔◡◔)っ taglist: @beiahadid @malfoy-styles-wife @fivenightslaughter @juneballoon999 @leydileyla @fangirlanotherjust @originalsoulcollector @opiomancy @lipstickandloveletters @ninacotte @daedric-sorceress @frecklesandfirecrackers @hahee154hq @disartrous @oh-those-barricade-boys @bornforfangirling

#draco malfoy #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy au #draco malfoy angst #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy fic #draco malfoy smut #draco malfoy x muggle!reader #draco malfoy x female reader #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy x you #draco x female reader #draco x muggle!reader #draco x you #draco x y/n

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highwaydiamonds · 2 years

Text

The Boomtown Rats might've had it kinda right*- I don't like Mondays either, and today started off rocky tbh.

I got over to exercise okay but hen I got there they took my weight and it was up more than we all expected... Which is not a good thing with my CHF... It's not about my being overweight - it's about more weight over a certain time period gained and am i retaining fluid or having swelling anywhere... Couple that with my BP being up and one of the RNs was kind of all over me... Wanting tme to call my doctor today grrr. And I had to admit the one med I don't always take is my bumetanide (aka bumex -which if you've ever been in the hospital and admitted they might have put you on Lasix- both are diuretics - to pull fluids off you). I hate taking it because, sorry if this is TMI, it makes me have to run to the bathroom too dang often! And truthfully, these days I don't feel bad or problematic when not taking it so....I'm bad about taking it. Everything else I tale p much like clockwork unless i somehow forget to. Anyway, this put me in a cranky mood during exercise because the nurse was all, " i want you to take it easy today - don't push yourself" And then kept asking me " do you have a cardiologist- are you going to call them today?" cue me internally wanting to respond like a pissed off teenager," Yes Casey, I do, I have a cardiologist and a vascular specialist too- do you want me to promise you a blood/sweat/tears sample, and someone else's first born since i don't have a uterus anymore?" He aactually was like, " So who is your cardiologist- does he work for ____? (fill in blank with name of the health system they're part of)" I said Yes he is part of the system, gave his name and when Caey didn't knoww him, I advised, he's in the medical building across the parking lot. 😠 So. annoying. I mean the exercise went relatively okay - did 35 mins or so of cardio- super light tho and another 10 mins of resistance / stretching. I just felt like it wasn't what it could have been if Casey hadn't been nearly sitting on my shoulder. I get that it's rehab and stuff but like... please stop hovering like a vulture ok? I am wearing a monitor I am sure it will tell you if there's a problem. I left there such a crankypants.

This evening was my diabetes education session, which mostly went fine... Most of the info was not new, but a little of it was, so that was good. Most interesting thing was that exercise has an effect on the blood sugar for up to 48 hours after you do it - so hey that's a solid reason to do the hated exercise. there were some nice people in there, one older very negative lady but she was a nice person... I also was able to flip the switch over to "more personable" and talk more (mostly about my glucose monitor - i have one of the continuous ones)... As usual, when I have a framework/ shared topic we are focusing on then I do better. It's when I have to do small talk/ talk about myself or just y'know " be myself" with strangers that all heck breaks loose. I'm fine being my weird ass and goofily loquacious self with people who know me. When people don't know me then I get all awkward and anxious and don't know how to be. I want to hang out and be normal - but then I think, " omg what is normal? how do i be normal? shit - i don't know how to be normal?!"

But yeah - so week one of class done. Just we are supposed to fo a food log to help us look at our carbs. I hate food logs. I hate that they feel like a control mechanism - and a good amount of my food issues are about control and when i get upset especially if i feel i'm being food policed I just want to eat MORE... Kind of as a "fuck you!" Is it a good reaction? No. Do I think part of my weight gain over the weekend was related to some of this - tangentially yes... I just hate having to write it all down - I know it's supposed to help me see patterns but uggggggggghhhhhhhhh. I will do it but i'm going to hate looking at this shit. I do not want to feel guilty about eating cookies when i write down the cookies and how many i ate and the carbs in them etc. It also just irks that with exercise I keep getting weighed and this is all going to come back to bite me :/ I know I'm doing this all for my OWN good... But honestly it doesn't FEEL good so doing it is HARD. But that being said... I will eat my cookie and log the damn cookies so I don't feel denied of cookies which would just piss me off more. So yeah... I can make me do it - but I can't make me do it happily - which honestly, that irony makes me laugh at myself. smh.

so i'mma relax for the rest of the night - tomorrow I have therapy and some cleaning to do, plus laundry (bleh to both) nd I might see if I can find a chair yoga class I can do to qualify as some activity for thee day - we shall see how it goes. I'm still hoping the week will improve!

#ok but nothing to do with what the song is actually about and referencing #but it's such a good song - the piano is beautiful in it and melodically ugh it's so good #and i get the frustration in it - and the actual story behind it - is kinda even more relevant today :/#stuff and nonsense #exercise and crap #exercise as self care #but also cookies as self care #and tomorrow is mom's birthday - miss you mom- love you

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merakiui · 4 years

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hey!! i was lucky enough to stumble across your blog, & i'm enjoying your writing!! could i request something for a first date w/ sian? maybe something more casual, like a cafe!

(I’m glad you like it! Hopefully this is what you had in mind with your request! I went for a “friends to lovers” vibe in a modern setting if that’s okay. Please enjoy and thank you for such a fun request!)

Courtesy Coffee (Sian)

You met under unpleasant circumstances. Sian was in a rush to get to his destination, and you were staring down at your phone with a cup of iced coffee in your other hand. Like that banal trope in shoujo manga, the two of you crashed into one another, and your drink spilled all over his outfit. As complete strangers, it was obvious that the one who was drenched would be incredibly frustrated. That was an exact observation, only Sian didn’t feel the need to use a filter that day.

“Are you kidding me? Watch where you’re going!” he had yelled, gripping his soaked shirt and glaring daggers at you. “How am I supposed to show up to work looking like this?!”

Anyone would feel frightened with his exasperated tone of voice and the intimidating aura that surrounded him, but you weren’t one to surrender immediately.

Straightening your shoulders, you met his heated stare. “I’m sorry. At least it wasn’t hot, right?” Hoping to dispel his anger, you smiled a little. “I can buy you a clean shirt if it’ll make you feel better.”

He puffed his cheeks out, suddenly bashful as he avoided your gaze. “It’s the least you could do! Seriously, this is the worst. I smell just like your stupid coffee.”

“Hey, don’t diss my iced coffee. It’s delicious and you know it.”

“If it’s so good, why is it all over me?” he snapped, crossing his arms. “This’ll stain, you know!”

“I offered to get you another shirt.”

“It’s not just on my shirt, you moron! I can’t face my colleagues like this. You have no idea what they’ll say.”

“Suck it up then!”

“No!”

You sighed heavily, gripping your empty coffee cup. “There’s no need to be difficult. Just let me get you a clean polo and slacks. Unless you’d rather parade around in wet, coffee-smelling attire. You’re making a scene with all of your yelling.”

“You were just yelling, too. Fine, whatever. I guess you can do that.”

Even as you spied his blush, you couldn’t ignore your thoughts. Is he seriously embarrassed by the fact that I’m getting him clothes? Anyone would do this to repay the damage.

“That’s all I needed to hear. Oh, and for the record you’re the one who should watch where you’re going.”

He didn’t take those words too well. Regardless, that was how you met the guy with a loud mouth and an even louder personality. You ran into him twice after that incident, and each time he seemed to stumble over himself. He tried to thank you for the clothes, but all he could manage was a huff and an angry comment about how the fabric was uncomfortable. Weeks later, that same boy just so happened to feel bad about starting a few shouting matches with you during those three times you interacted. He saw you in a café by chance and secretly covered your drink fee, making the barista promise not to reveal his identity. It was a sweet gesture, despite being anonymous and a bit of a shock on your end. You’d never experienced the magic that was receiving your drink for free, but it was great nonetheless.

You enter work that morning with a cheery disposition, passing by coworkers and even engaging in kind banter with those who aren’t the friendliest. You clock in and make your way towards the elevator while scrolling through an online article. Hearing a familiar ping, you glance up, urging whoever’s inside to hold the door. There are four other people crammed within the area, all of whom are silently waiting for the elevator to rise. You push the button for your floor and relax. Momentarily, you glance around the enclosed space to see if you can recognize anyone from your department. Your eyes sweep from one person to the next, and you spot polite Nine at the very back.

You’re compelled to greet him, but someone stands in your way. Someone who bears an uncanny resemblance to the guy who was showered in iced coffee two weeks ago. You gasp and turn away, hoping he won’t notice you.

No way! We work for the same company? What’re the odds? This must be a bad omen! I don’t want to start another fight with him, you think, having done your best to erase those memories.

The elevator pings, and you’re completely distracted. Though you don’t miss the hand that taps your shoulder. Your gaze follows his arm. It’s that guy again.

“Hey. This is your floor, isn’t it?”

The number doesn’t lie, but Sian’s memory might as he struggles to recall your familiar features. It clicks just as you bolt out of the elevator, the doors slipping shut and obscuring your backside for good. Sian blinks rapidly as his face heats up. That was...

Coffee idiot! he thinks. There’s no mistaking that stupid look on their face. He’s thrown into a bad mood at once, internally grumbling as he remembers that day. Even if he changed into new clothes, he still smelled of coffee. It was embarrassing, and his bothersome colleagues wouldn’t leave him alone. And now we work in the same building. Maybe I should just quit so I don’t have to face them.

"Can you believe it, Youssef?” you ask your deskmate, having ranted to him while typing up the progress of this week’s publication. At least that’s a monetary positive for the company. You can’t say the same for your mentality, though. “I do something nice in return and he yells at me. And then we meet again—twice—and he’s still rude.”

Youssef tilts his head, a childish gesture for someone his age. “Are you sure you’re not incorrectly reading his actions?”

“I’m positive. When have I ever been wrong?” You frown as your fingers slow their pace on the keyboard. “I just found out today that we work in the same building. This is totally unfair. Why do I have to bear the burden of knowing this information?”

“I’m sure he means well. What does he look like? I might know him.” You describe him to your helpful colleague, who nods and taps his chin in thought. His expression lights up with recognition. “If I remember correctly, his name is Sian, and he’s in the marketing department. We’ve only talked briefly, but I can assure you he’s quite diligent with his work.”

“Well, everyone’s got their own personality outside of their jobs.”

“I suppose, but it’s not polite to label someone based off of such little knowledge,” he advises lightly, turning his attention back to his computer screen. “Rather than using all of your energy painting a bad image of him, you should spend that time getting to know him. It’ll fix any negative impressions you may have.”

“Something tells me he wouldn’t like that...”

Since then, you haven’t run into Sian once. At first you made it your mission to keep an eye out for him, but now that you’ve been busy with this new project you can’t be bothered to let his image clutter your mind. So you brush him aside like a cobweb, certain you won’t bump into him again. Your floors are far enough apart, so it’s unlikely that that’ll happen. But you’re not always the luckiest, and fate tends to tease those who aren’t on good terms with one another.

You’re close to running late on a rainy day, having missed the train, so now you’re doing everything you can to catch a taxi. Cars speed by on the road, and you fail to flag down a vehicle. Dejected and soaked to the bone, you drag your feet along the slick sidewalk, wishing for your next paycheck so that you can put it towards a used car. Speaking of cars, one slides past you as it makes an effort to park along the walkway. In doing so, the tires kick up a huge puddle, effectively soaking your lower half. As if the day couldn’t have gotten any worse. The car almost moves out of the spot before it halts, and the window steadily rolls down to reveal the face of your greatest enemy.

Well, he’s not technically your greatest enemy, but it really feels like it in that moment.

“Do you need a ride?” As if correcting himself, he quickly adds, “I’m not doing this because it’s you! I’m just sympathizing.”

Does it matter? you wonder, bitter and cold and wet. Karma is so brutal.

“You’re Sian, right?” You approach his car, peering in at the flustered man. “From marketing.”

“Y-Yeah. So what?”

“I’m in publishing.” Awkwardly, you look up at the cloudy sky. “It’s really coming down. The forecast didn’t call for this much rain.”

“Are you getting in or not?”

“But you’re a stranger,” you jest, fixing him with a pout. “I don’t want scary Sian to kidnap me.”

He glowers at your joke. “I’m leaving now. I don’t have time for this.”

You hold back a chuckle, tearing open the door before he can drive off. “Wait! Sorry, I’ll get in. I can’t stand another minute in this rain.”

The window slides up, and he sets the car in motion after you’ve buckled up, easing back into the flow of traffic smoothly. Now that you’re sitting there with the AC blowing cool air at your face, you shudder. Oh, how wonderful it must feel to be in clothes that are warm and untouched by the rain. In his peripheral, Sian catches your shivering form, and he switches the AC from cold air to hot. You might not dry as quick as one would hope, but at least it’s something.

The silence is utterly tense. You almost expect him to bicker with you like he did in the past. Instead, he’s focused on the winding road ahead. Though you don’t miss the pink hue that tints his cheeks and gradually rises to his ears.

“So,” you say, if only to get a conversation going. “How’s work?”

“Fine, I guess. How did you know who I was?”

“My friend Youssef.”

“Oh.”

“You probably don’t know me. I’m (Name).”

“I already know.”

“Really? Stalker.”

“I’m not a stalker!” he exclaims, glaring hard at the windshield. “You’re kind of hard to miss.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’re always so loud at our company parties. How can anyone ignore that?” Sian then proceeds to bless your ears with a story from this year’s holiday party. A few departments got together and went out for drinks and karaoke. Naturally, you had a drinking contest with your colleagues, which led to a tipsy night of bad singing and stumbling from one bar to the next. You were surprised Sian remembered that, mainly because you couldn’t recall seeing him there. And it’s been months since that rowdy night. “Do you see my point?”

“Don’t remind me. That hangover hurt my soul.”

He quirks a smile at that. “It’s not flattering when you sing high notes in the wrong key.”

“Like you could do any better.”

“I can because I was sober.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You roll your eyes, gazing out at the scenery that passes by in a blur of dull colors. Without meaning to, you eye Sian’s reflection in the window, taking note of his side profile. He’s actually quite handsome when he’s calm and not acting so stubborn. “I guess we’re even now.”

“Even?”

“I spilled coffee on you, and you splashed me when your tires hit that puddle.”

“Am I supposed to buy you clothes now?”

“If you’re offering...”

“I wasn’t offering!”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got a spare uniform in my locker.”

I wasn’t worried to begin with, you coffee idiot, Sian thinks, gripping the steering wheel. He keeps track of your occasional trembling, and he can’t help but feel troubled. You’ll catch a cold if you don’t dry off soon. Suddenly, he regrets pulling up beside you and accidentally sending water flying in your direction. This time it was definitely his fault, wasn’t it? Sian wants to make it up to you, but it’s impossible. He’ll die of embarrassment before he succeeds in performing a good deed in front of you.

Truthfully, he’s always noticed you. The very first instance was last year at the company’s drinking party. You were glued to Youssef’s side, engaging in idle chatter with him and another guy he wasn’t too familiar with. At the time, Sian thought your behavior was obnoxious. No one wants their younger coworker clinging to them. It just made you look like an attention-seeking puppy. Although you were definitely upbeat at that party. He had watched you chug an entire pint of beer like it was nothing and then join in on a pointless game of Ten Fingers with enough energy to put a child to shame.

He thought you were annoying at first, and yet there was something captivating about your personality. He’d never had the guts to approach you outright, so when he ran into you that day all of his frustrations just spilled over. He was angry at himself for not having the courage to talk to you at every company party, and now that he had a chance he couldn’t think of what to say. He hadn’t mentally prepared anything! So he said the first thing that came to his mind, which passed through his unfiltered lips in a very abrupt manner.

But you didn’t show any fear. You hardly flinched. Instead you met his words with a few of your own, and that’s what ruffled Sian’s feathers. You were so good at communication, and he was very much unskilled, usually relying on phrases he prepared in his head. It’s not like he couldn’t talk. He could when he was interested in a certain subject or whenever he was reading from a page, but in front of someone he admired... Sian knew he’d make a fool of himself.

Now that you’re sitting in the passenger seat of his car, he has every opportunity to say what he wants. Yet the words scramble in his brain, and he can’t calm his racing heart. Before he can think of anything witty, the building comes into view, and the parking garage has never seemed so dismal. Sian’s kicking himself as he parks, disappointed with how he handled that situation.

“Thanks for this. I’ll go on ahead.” You unbuckle, holding your briefcase and squeezing water from your blazer. “I’m sorry if I got your seat wet.”

“It’s...fine.”

You’re going to walk away and then he’ll become the coffee idiot. He opens his mouth to say something that’ll stop you, but you turn around at the right moment.

“Let’s get coffee sometime in the future. You deserve it after all the trouble I gave you,” you propose, smiling earnestly. And I feel guilty for my initial judgement. Youssef was right.

Sian’s eyes widen, and he struggles to remain stoic. “Oh, uh...”

“That’s okay with you, right?”

“I guess. Whatever works for you.” He shrugs.

“Great!” You retrieve a pen from your case and close the distance between the two of you. Humming, you snatch his hand, spreading his fingers so that his palm is wide open. And then you scribble something on it, grinning in satisfaction. Sian stares at you the entire time, his face blank and head filled with static. “Text me the days you’re available. See you later!” You tuck the pen away, hastily dashing in the direction of the elevator.

Sian stands there for a moment, slack-jawed. He forces himself to look down at his hand. Your number is written on his skin in smudged ink. His face erupts in a flurry of red. That coffee idiot...

------

“It’s not a date,” Sian mutters as he walks to the café. “It’s not. Stop thinking that way.”

But maybe it is a date, the voice in the back of his mind whispers, goading him into believing so. He dressed as casually as possible, but he still hopes it’ll impress you. There are plenty of fears that flood his head, and he almost turns around as soon as he gets to the entrance. But he’s come this far, and he’d regret it forever if he left now. This might be his only chance; he can’t afford to pass it up. So he pushes open the door in search of you. It doesn’t take long to locate your form amongst the few who are inside. Sian’s pulse rushes into overdrive, and he clenches his jaw.

It’s not a date. Act natural.

You look up from your phone just as he slides into the seat across from you. A warm smile blossoms across your face, and you tuck your mobile away. “Sian, you made it! I was worried you wouldn’t come.”

“It’d be rude if I didn’t show up after you made all those plans.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Well, thank you. Now I won’t have to feel bad about Monday morning.”

You had felt bad? Sian’s cheeks must be burning intensely bright now, but there’s nothing he can do. “It’s your fault for being an idiot.”

You chuckle. “That makes two of us. One idiot ignored the forecast, and the other wasn’t watching where he was going.”

“Whatever. Just so we’re clear, I’m not as stupid as you.” He crosses his arms and huffs. “And you don’t have any taste. I mean, iced coffee? Really?”

“It’s good!” you insist. “You’re missing out. Everyone knows iced coffee is better than hot coffee.”

“Is it now? I don’t agree with that statistic.”

“You’re allowed to have your own opinion, Mr. Sian,” you tease. “Give me your drink order. I’ll go get it.”

“What? No way. I’ll pay.”

“As if! I’m treating you.”

“You already bought me clothes.”

“And now I’m going to buy you coffee. It’s to say thanks for picking me up during that storm.”

“I would’ve left you on that sidewalk if I knew you were going to make it a hassle now!”

“Just accept my kindness!”

Sian shuts his mouth, giving into your demand. He grumbles his order, and you’re very happy as you make your way towards the register to get the two of you drinks and pastries. He watches as you pay, releasing a soft sigh. It’s hard to say no to someone you’ve admired for so long. Sian’s not sure when he started to like you, but he’s certain these recent interactions have only added fuel to the burning fire residing in his heart. It’s embarrassing to think he’s even on a romantic outing with you, but it’s not like the two of you are close friends. So then what does that make this?

When you return to the window table, setting down the drinks and a plate with two strawberry bread puddings, he’s shaken from his daydreams. This is actually happening. It’s not just another fantasy he’s imagined while witnessing you drink your sanity away at parties.

“I’m not sure if you like strawberries, but I—“

“I guess it’s okay,” he interrupts, trying to hide the fact that he actually likes it very much.

“Good!” You ease into your chair. “You’re not as bad as I thought you were.”

He raises an eyebrow as he takes a sip from his latte. “Huh.”

“You seemed really upset when I spilled my coffee on you. But anyone would be, so it’s completely understandable. I thought you hated me because of that. When we saw each other again, you were pretty sensitive.”

“I’m not sensitive!” he snaps, proving your point. “That was a white shirt you ruined.”

“Will you feel better if you dump coffee on me?”

“What? Why would I do that? I’m not going to do something as petty as that!”

“Aw, so you do care.”

“I don’t. Get lost.”

You break out into a laughing fit, genuinely amused at his coldness. Even if he doesn’t want to show it, he’s quite nice, and you’re relieved that he didn’t turn out to be a bully seeking revenge. Then again, it’s been weeks since that incident.

“It’s not funny!”

“Sorry, sorry. You’re just so expressive. It’s hard not to laugh.”

A furious red darkens his face, and he decides to fumble with his fork in order to give his hands something to do. The bread pudding is surprisingly delicious. He fumes in his embarrassment while he eats.

Eventually, the two of you converse about work and that project your department took on. Sian listens to your rambling as you go on and on about how irksome it is when last-minute changes are made to a finalized draft. He enjoys every story you tell him, and by the time the plate is empty he feels as if he’s grown closer with you. Could this be the beginning of a friendship? He’s hit with a sudden wave of inspiration for lyrics that will never be sung. At least they can fester on a page in his notebook, where he’ll return on countless occasions to proofread and debate over the meaning of each line. Oh, how he’d love to share his music with you. It’ll take a while before he does something as bold as that, though.

“I just got an idea! There’s this awesome bar thirty minutes from work. I usually go with my friends because they’ve got a bunch of games you can play. Board games, card games—you name it. We should go one of these days.”

“R-Really?”

“Yeah! You seem like a fun guy to hang out with. Card games might sound boring, but they’re actually really fun when you’re playing for money. And when you’ve got a few drinks in your system.”

Sian struggles to hide the giddy smile that threatens to split his lips. “No... It sounds perfect. I’m actually really good at Slapjack, so be prepared to lose miserably!”

“Is that a challenge? What should we wager?”

"How about a meal? Loser has to pay for the winner’s lunch.”

“All right. It’s a deal. I’ll keep you updated on my schedule so that we can choose a weekend to meet up.”

“Sure!” Sian’s face won’t stop heating up and he can’t slow his erratic heartbeat. “I mean, I’ll only do it so I can get a free lunch. It’s not like I’m agreeing for your sake.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever floats your boat.”

His chest feels airy and light, almost as if he’s in a dream. Your words weigh on his conflicted heart. How can anyone make plans so easily? If the roles were reversed, he’d be an absolute mess. It’d be so embarrassing; Sian would probably want to curl up and disappear if he ever tried to ask you out on his own volition. You probably don’t even feel the same way. After all, this is merely two coworkers having a normal conversation. But he can’t get stuck in the friend zone. That’d be the worst outcome to all of this. So in the meantime he’ll do his best to act cordial. He can hide his shy demeanor and fluffy feelings behind a blunt attitude.

“All of this planning makes it seem like we’re a couple,” you muse with flirtatious intent. Leaning back in your chair, you gauge Sian’s reaction. Just as you figured, he’s turning crimson. It’s honestly endearing to see him get so flustered. “What do you think, Sian?”

“I... I don’t know. Don’t say stupid things! It’s really annoying.”

No matter how sharp his words are, you know he doesn’t mean it. After all, his expression clearly refutes those claims.

“Sian and (Name), sitting in a tree—“

“Shut up!”

If this isn’t a date, then what’s with all the flirting?

Sian’s going to have to take a cold shower when he gets home to lower his body temperature. And to scrub away the embarrassment that’s washed over him like rain.

It’s not a date. It’s just coffee with an acquaintance. Yeah. Just courtesy coffee.

He couldn’t be any further from the truth.

#after l!fe #afterl!fe #afterl!fe sian #afterl!fe x reader #afterl!fe the sacred kaleidoscope #afterl!fe sian x reader #sian x reader #oneshot

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alltheselights · 3 years

Note

Hey Emma. Sorry to bother you and making this anonymous is the only way I think I can say it... I'm not okay, I haven't been for a while. I most of the time pretend I am, or sometimes I rwslly feel like in a good place, but lately it's been really difficult for me to cope with everything and what's going on around me. I'm just so down and work's been so hard and tiresome. I don't know what to do with life anymore. I want to stop everything and just dont waste my energy anymore. Is that so bad?

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, bub! And though it probably doesn’t help much, I can assure you that you’re not alone in feeling this way, especially this year when so many bad things are happening and so few good. And as much as you may want to give up, I hope you don’t.

When I’m feeling really down, I try to do things that will distract me and I’d recommend trying to do the same. Find a new hobby that you enjoy - take up knitting, doing puzzles, crosswords, or something else that will occupy your time. Do something that will take your mind off of everything - watch a movie, start a new series, read books, watch comedy shows on YouTube, have Zoom dinners with friends or family members, or something else that you find occupies your mind instead of allowing you to focus on your negative feelings. Sometimes, it really helps me to schedule my time so that I’m not just lying around feeling useless and sad. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be taking time to relax - I will schedule in time for things like naps, lounging around and watching TV, or taking a bath - but it at least it provides me with structure and makes me feeling like I’m doing something, as small as those things might be.

I’d also recommend talking to someone you care about on those days about whatever you’re feeling - a family member or a friend. You may find that people close to you are feeling similarly, and even if they’re not, they can be a voice of comfort and support when you’re struggling to put one foot in front of the other. It sometimes also just helps to put your feelings into words after spending so much time locked inside your own head where you’re suffering alone.

Also, make sure you’re getting regular exercise, plenty of sleep, and eating as well as possible because that type of thing can definitely affect your mood. The physical aspect of depression is HUGE and it’s something that we don’t pay enough attention to. Make things easier on yourself by taking care of your body even if you're struggling with your emotions and mental state.

And of course, if you’re feeling really down one day, please call a hotline and reach out for help because there are so many resources available. (U.S. numbers/more localized U.S. numbers/International numbers.

I’m sending you so much love right now! I hope you know that there are people who understand how you’re feeling and want the best for you, even random strangers like me. You’ll get through this and come out the other side. ❤️❤️

#depression tw #asks

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ranposlittle · 4 years

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Hi, I was wondering if could have a matchup? I'm really shy around people but I open up when I get to know them! I love reading books and I'm pretty short I'm also an INFP-T and that's all!

I ship you with:

──────〔 KUNIKIDA DOPPO 〕──────

It's common and almost stereotypical for INFPs to be represented as this dreamy, peace-loving hippie. Some people might even think this perceived calmness or shyness is a sign of a weak mind as INFPs tend to look for a silver lining on everything when logic-focused people will see none. However, in reality, INFPs like you have an inner flame and passion. You let yourself be guided by your own principles rather than any practicality out there, and you would fight to defend these said principles.

It may not seem like it would work at first glance but Kunikida, being the man with ideals, will surely be of interest to you. The more that you put yourself inside his world and open your mind to understand where he's standing, you'll see the purity of his intentions. You'll see how, just like you, you'll look to honor, beauty, morality and virtue when faced with a decision to make. It may not always be the best course of action, but as long as you stay true to yourself and the beliefs that makes up who you are, you are willing to deal with the consequences.

In comparison, Kunikida will also be wary of you at first. After all, the risk of feeling misunderstood is high for an INFP. But you've piqued his interest once he saw that- despite being different to his own- you have your own set of ideals. You have the strength to stand by them and live your life according to them. Suddenly, you don't feel much like a stranger to him anymore. In fact, he thinks it's commendable how you manage to stay soft in this cold world, having a wonderous mindset that the dark reality seemed to fail to poison multiple times. He can see how strong you are now as a person and it was this eccentric yet authentic personality of yours that just made him want to chase a rainbow with you; whether there's a pot of gold at the end of it or not.

Since you love reading, finding Kunikida's collection of self-help books helped to ease your boredom. However, you didn't realize that he keeps his personal notebook on the same shelf until you took it out. You flipped through it nonchalantly, going over the ideals that he has already mentioned to you. Once you get to read the overly detailed list of Kunikida's ideal woman though, you can't help but feel a sudden anxiousness. You've only read the half of it but it almost seems like you're not meeting a lot of these expectations. Should you change? Are you doing too much? Are you doing too little? Is he even happy with you? Millions of questions raced into your mind and since INFPs tend to internalize a lot of their negative feelings, you started to overanalyze everything. There were about a hundred of worst case scenarios that has already plagued your mind by the end of the day, you couldn't even look Kunikida straight in the eye. He picked up on this easily and it took precisely three romantic dinner dates before your worries eased up. Although Kunikida knows that your doubts might never go away, he would try his bestest to keep it at bay. He made special adjustments on his daily schedule to make sure he makes you feel valid everyday. He truly believes that it's the everyday things that counts and he's got all the patience in the world to work through that.

Speaking of which, one other sentiment that you share with Kunikida is not rushing to commitment. You're both willing to spend a lot of time making sure you're compatible as one can be to their partner. Aside from that, both of you might take your time becoming physically intimate as familiarizing and adapting to one another is a much more important aspect in the dynamic. Quarrels would be more elusive because of this mutual understanding between the two of you.

Overall, I think Kunikida could be a good match for you because this man deserves a lot of love. And being an INFP, you're generous in your affection. Kunikida could also bring some growth in your life as he keeps you grounded from the reality. You might find it difficult to deal with it sometimes but you can make sure he's there to help. It was also mentioned that INFPs tend to look for the good in everything and everyone, that suggests that you approach new relationships with inherent value and trust. A truly worthy investment as Kunikida will return that same level of trust to you, giving you both a relationship with healthy personal independence. Lastly, as an INFP, you could be a hopeless romantic. Sometimes this leads you to disappointment, but Kunikida will appreciate the opportunity to express love in a sort of "old-fashion" way. It would be his total pleasure to know that if he brings you flowers, stick cheesy love notes on the fridge for you to find or take you on a boat ride by the lake, you won't gag from it all. Nor you won't feel like he's being too much. He just thinks that he can be free to express his adoration towards you without the feeling that you'll judge him. He loves that he gets to show that side of him with you. He loves calling you his "lady" because he thinks the height difference between the two of you makes you look so dainty and lovely, deserving to be protected and treasured.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Hello, virisaurus!! Here's your matchup~ 💗 I hope you like it. I'm an INFP-T myself so it's really nice to meet you. Also, you didn't mention any preference so I just assumed that you would like a male one (since most of my readers are females). Thank you for dropping by! I hope this was worth the wait~ take care~ (๑´`๑)♡

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd hcs #bsd imagines #bsd scenarios #bungou stray dogs imagines #bungou stray dogs scenarios #bsd headcanons #bsd kunikida #kunikida doppo #doppo kunikida #bungou stray dogs kunikida #kunikida x reader #bungou stray dogs matchup #matchups #bsd matchups #bsd matchup #matchup #kunikidamw

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motorcyclegirlfriends · 7 years

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Hello. Do you have any points for someone who might be struggling to write Kara? Maybe five base points that are the most important to her personality? I'm struggling but I don't know who to ask for advice. Most of writers I know don't write from her perspective. You don't have to break out power point it can be short. ;)

(Let it be known that there was an immense internal struggle to not immediately create a powerpoint.)

I don’t know if I have five base points, but I can give you a quick (okay, not so quick ((okay, not quick at all))) rundown of how I approach her character.

Core Beliefs

For every character I write, I try to first figure out what their Core Beliefs (harmful ideas a person has about themselves that inform their perception of reality and thus their decisions) are. You can find examples for Core Beliefs here.

For instance, Lena’s Core Belief is likely of Defectiveness (Applicable example thought: “I am inherently a bad person”) and/or Unlovability (ex. “I am incapable of being loved”). She may believe that she is unlovable because she is defective.

Alex’s is likely Responsibility (ex. “I have to do everything perfectly.”)

Kara has the Core Beliefs of Abandonment (ex. “The people I love will leave me”) and Responsibility (ex. “I am responsible for everyone and everything.”).

These things shape the way Kara interacts with the world.

Writing-wise, if you need Kara to do something somewhat irrational for plot, your best bet is to see if there’s a way to connect it to these beliefs.

Need Kara to be cold to someone in a situation where you’d expect compassion, but can’t figure out why she’d end up doing that? Have her fear that they’re going to take someone she loves away.

Need Kara to hide that something is wrong with her even though she’s generally an open person? Have her recognize that the people around her are burdened and feel responsible for keeping them upbeat.

Abandonment

This is why Kara is so tragic of a character. She lost everything as a child, she was left entirely alone, with nothing that she loved remaining. Even the baby she was asked to protect, Kal, was Clark now. A stranger to her.

And now, she lives out her life knowing that—because of the abilities the yellow sun gives her—she’ll outlive everyone she loves. Unless she dies prematurely, she’ll be left alone, again.

Like all Core Beliefs, this trait presents in many different ways.

In season 3, Kara is deep within the throws of her abandonment issues. She’s distancing herself from everything that she loves about Earth (Note—everything other than her Responsibility) because she thinks, “If I love something or someone, I will be abandoned again.”

This is because she was abandoned again in a big way, by someone who reminded her of the life she would have had on Krypton. And she lost him in a way that directly mirrored her core abandonment event—fleeing a planet in a pod, to never see their loved ones again. (Of course, this time, she wasn’t the one to leave. And yet she was still left alone.)

So this is how she reacts when her Core Belief of Abandonment is triggered in an extreme way. This is her at the end of her rope.

It’s not entirely unprecedented (an example of a similar reaction is Kara dumping Adam in season one because she decided that she doesn’t get to have that kind of relationship. She dumped him so she’d never have to lose him) but on an everyday basis, she’s not usually one to push people away when she fears losing them.

The way she copes with those feelings isn’t always healthy, but it’s also not always quite as self-destructive.

She’s often a fixer by nature, a quality you can see also reflected with her Responsibility Core Belief (like when she sees Cat struggling to write Adam a letter and just… takes it upon herself to forge a letter and reunite them, entirely overstepping boundaries).

You can see this in how difficult it was for Kara to refrain from talking to Winn when he was upset that she rejected him. You can see this in how stressed she was at the prospect of waiting for the public’s minds to change after the Red K incident, rather than finding a tangible solution.

When a relationship isn’t right, Kara is most comfortable with talking it out or taking steps to rectify it.

With Alex, we’ve seen Kara be more of a sulker than a fixer, I think because she fears being more of a burden. This is her Responsibility Core Belief playing at odds with her Abandonment Core Belief.

Responsibility

Kara’s last words to her mother, after Alura told her that she’d travel to Earth to look after her baby cousin and that she’d have great powers and do extraordinary things there, were, “I won’t fail Kal-El or you.”

Her last words were a promise to protect Kal-El and to use her powers to be extraordinary—something she obviously defines to mean helping the Earth. She already failed to protect Kal-El, so her only shot at keeping her promise is to help the Earth.

(Also worth noting, I think it’d be a mistake to believe that the only reason Kara is a hero or helps people is because she doesn’t want to fail her mother. I think she’d do the same kind of things if she’d lived a full life on Krypton. But the aspect of it that is a compulsion—

“I can’t help it. When someone needs help, I’ll help them”

—and the aspect of it that warps her worldview negatively—

“This is the reason my mother and father sent me to Earth.”

“They wanted you to live.”

“No, it’s more than that.”

—stems from this event.)

First, notice how Kara’s feelings of Responsibility present within her differently than Alex’s.

This may connect to their differing world views. Kara has an internal locus of control (“I make things happen”), and Alex has somewhat more of an external-leaning locus of control (“things just happen”).

Alex doesn’t believe that she can change everything around her, so therefore she’s not responsible for everything around her.

Kara, ever the optimist, believes that she can do anything, change anything, if she just tries hard enough/is good enough.

Both of them feel responsible for what they can control, but how much they can control, they have different ideas of.

This is why Alex needs her life, work, and Kara’s life to be perfect. Those are the things she’s been tasked with controlling. But she’s not going to sweat it if some rando enemy doesn’t redeem themselves, because it’s outside of her control.

As for Kara, she needs to save everyone, because she thinks that she can save everyone. But she’s also generally better at letting people take care of her than Alex is, something having a loving adoptive family and a birth family/birth culture that values togetherness helped her internalize.

But that doesn’t prevent her from feeling guilt about being a burden from time to time.

Abandonment vs Responsibility

Sometimes these Core Beliefs compliment each other, sometimes they are at odds.

An example of them complimenting each other is an instance of Kara feeling that if she doesn’t save someone (Responsibility) she’ll lose them (Abandonment).

An example of the beliefs being at odds is when she has to choose between losing someone or Doing the Right Thing.

As we can see when Kara expels Mon-El from the planet to save the Earth, Responsibility wins out.

Generally, if Kara has to decide between her responsibility to do the right thing and the possibility of losing someone, she’ll chose doing the right thing.

You might see her choose otherwise—such as when she chooses keeping her secret from Lena to preserve their relationship, knowing that she’d want to know—but I’d argue that she thinks the harm from doing the wrong thing™ is avoidable.

If Kara had to make a choice between for-sure hurting Lena at some point but maintaining their relationship and telling Lena but risking losing her, I think she’d choose to tell her.

Holy SHIT, revelation— Alura represents her Core Belief of Responsibility, Astra represents her Core Belief of Abandonment.

Alura let Krypton die because she wasn’t willing to compromise her values (feeling a responsibility to Do The Right Thing, as opposed to ‘selfishly’ protecting those she loves). From Kara’s point of view, she even let Kara go to Earth on her own because she felt she needed to die with Krypton. She chose duty over love.

Astra, on the other hand, was willing to sacrifice her ideals to save the people she loved (and she certainly phrased it in such a way that it was clearly about saving Kara and her loved ones).

Kara struggles with her mother and aunt’s choices, but ultimately leans toward agreeing with Alura—that her responsibility to do the right thing trumps her own feelings for what she wants in her life.

Even when she considers Astra’s point of view, it’s within the context of “But was she right?”

Kara often puts what she wants within the context of morality (because she’s a Hero™ and has a responsibility to be Good) in order to make a decision.

Cat is a great mentor for Kara, because she allows her to see that sometimes what Kara thinks is the selfish answer is also the right thing to do.

For instance, Cat convinces Kara that it’s okay to try to save her friends and risk losing an opportunity to ensure the safety of the planet, not by appealing to Kara’s love for them or by telling her that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes, but by making an argument for the morality of protecting her friends. She convinces her that love is a value, something to protect, and that it’s Right to choose it.

If Kara hadn’t been given an argument that suggested that it was her responsibility as a hero to protect love as a value, her fear of losing her loved ones would not have been enough to make her risk the safety of the world.

Also something to remember: sometimes her need to save everyone can hinder her actual ability to save everyone. (Such as when she threatened the fate of Earth by stalling the destruction of the Daxamite ship so that she could try to save Rhea’s soul for the 100th time.)

This ties back into her external locus of control. She really believes that she can do it, change everyone. It’s a blessing and a curse.

Her sheer willpower to create change creates a surprising amount of success. She seems to win more than she loses in this regard. But if she does lose, and she is capable of losing in a big way.

Other Qualities

On the other side of the coin that has Kara’s belief that she can change everyone is her belief that everyone is changeable. “She’s been here 12 years, and still thinks deep down everyone is as good as she is.”

She’s optimistic as hell about most things, but some days it’s a choice more than an instinct.

She’s a naturally “sunny” person in general, but sometimes it’s more work than she lets on.

Her difficulty lying seems to stem from how open she is instinctually. Most of her slip-ups are because she straight-up forgets that she has to keep some things to herself.

If she is consciously trying to lie, however, she’s actually rather good (see: her fooling Mr. Mxyzptlk and Mon-El). It’s when Kara isn’t thinking about keeping a secret, or when she has to lie on the spot, where she has trouble.

Of course, this does not apply to her ability to seem happy. That fake smile reaches her eyes, yo.

But there is a question of if this is actually Kara feeling one way and making her face tell a different story, or if there’s a part of it that’s her being a pro at regulating her emotions on the spot.

I mean, suppressing trauma and culture shock and an inability to control what your body at 13 so that you’re not carted off to a government facility and experimented on will force a girl to learn how to keep herself from freaking out in public pretty quickly.

I think the route that Kara took, to handle it all, was to be really excited about the little positives. Things like birds and ice cream and potstickers and friends and daily life became so fulfilling for Kara because they had to be. And I think it’s often a coping mechanism, even for social situations.

But I also think it’d be a mistake to consider her brightness ingenuine. It’s real, it’s just also work.

Kara also seems, to me, to be kinda behind everyone else in a lot of ways. She’s just having her first real friendships, because she’s only just able to reveal her whole self to people. She also just had her first real romantic relationship, at 26.

So if it’s not something we’ve already seen her deal with regarding relationships, a safe bet is to assume that she’s a little clumsy about it.

That is, unless it concerns emotional maturity. She’s supernaturally good at dealing with people’s emotions, if in a way that cuts past one’s expectations for normal behavior.

But that doesn’t mean that she’s necessarily great at reading people’s emotions. At least romantically, she’s been shown to not be great at guessing how people feel, unless she really knows them.

If you’re writing early season one Kara, her view of her parents is childishly positive. “My mother was the best woman who ever lived.”

So if you address anything about Krypton, feel free to have her romanticize the hell out of it.

If it’s post-the disillusionment of her view of her parents, there’s a certain amount of bitterness in how she views them, though I’m not sure if it’d extend to the other aspects of Krypton.

Quick quirks:

Off the top of my head,

—Nervous laughter, but don’t let it go on for too too long. She’s not that bad.

—The Crinkle™ (brow furrow) when lying, in a ‘fake confusion about what they’re talking about’ kind of way.

—The Brow Furrow Of Sympathy, when she’s worried about someone.

—She’s neat and organized. People sometimes forget this.

—When she’s talking about Krypton or loss, she’s still and serene.

—Anger!!! Very very rarely directed at her loved ones (not completely out of character for her to blow up after a long time, but likely followed by an apology immediately after, even if she’s right), but this doesn’t mean she won’t hit her enemies a little harder that day.

(This also doesn’t mean you should have her almost murder someone because she’s angry. Even if someone almost died because of an enemy. I immediately exit fics that have this occur. Her morals always come first, even before the people she loves. It’s at the core of her character and not something she’d forget because she’s emotional. She probably wouldn’t even think of killing as an option to begin with.

If you really want this to happen, just Red K it, or have some other mind-altering thing happen to her.)

—Her Supergirl personality isn’t as different to her Kara Danvers personality as Superman’s is to Clark. She has a whole Confidence thing, and sometimes does her whole deeper-voice put-on business mode, but she’s a very happy and excited hero. Superman has a kind of Cool and Kind feel to him, but Supergirl is a Happy and Respectable Nerd.

—Determined™. Reporting and otherwise. It can sneak up on people, because you wouldn’t expect her to be.

—Has mean thoughts like everyone else but tries harder than most to challenge them

—Can’t spell for shit

#supergirl #kara danvers #kara zor-el #Anonymous #analysis: you're gonna suffer but you're gonna be happy about it

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