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tookthe-405 · 9 days

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VBS

Chapter 1:

“VBS” ~ Lucy Dacus

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rebel!ellie x fem!reader

a/n: this one’s more fluff and to every gay baby still in a church, thinking they don’t belong.

summary: you grew up religious without questions and in summer you would get send to vacation bible school. The camp always felt like prison to you, until a very interesting girl appeared.

c/w: smut in future chaps!!, religious trauma (obviously)

7/20/2007

Readers pov:

2:34 p.m

You're sure you've never been asked. Never. It was always natural that you believe and pray. For everyone, for your family, your church friends, the pastors. The doubts also started very early. At 6, if you remember correctly.

You felt so guilty back then that you prayed and read the Bible all night long. The fear that demons could possess you, as soon as God left you, made you almost manic. But you thought that it was meant to be, that this was the price you needed to pay for being a child of God. But it began to feel more like a curse than a gift.

Of course you never told anyone this, you weren't crazy after all, but the thoughts followed you everywhere. You were waiting to be saved by someone, by God or just a person. No one ever appeard.

Until you turned 18. Until it was the summer of 2007.

Everything still looks pretty much the same, the youth hostel that had 3 floors and looks worn out, the church made of wood that stands here all year round, the lake only a few meters away from the big fire place where you gather every evening. The sun was almost shining in your face and it feels like a warning.

You're 18 now and this will be your last year here, although after that you'll probably work as a worshipper. But you and your friends wanted to spend one last summer here, like you have done for the last 4 years. There was a certain relief in you that it was the last year, but you would only confess that to God. He already knows it anyway.

It always amazes you how many people were here. It starts at the age of 14 and goes up to 18. Then there are a few „leaders“ who prepare programs and prayer sessions for you, and check every now and then whether everything is in order. That was your future, God was your future and the reward for it would be given to you at the end of your life.

Your mother talked so much during the 2 hour drive about how happy you are that your church welcomes you so lovingly even in the summer, and that's not a given because there are many other churches that don't give opportunities like that.

You noticed that all the church employees give up their summer to talk about God and that at some point you have to do the same thing as your mother, who donates every Sunday and volunteers in the kitchen for 6 hours.

That made you happy again, that you didn't have to do that until after the summer. Your mother kissed you on the forehead and said goodbye with God's blessing, you looked after the car for longer than necessary, and you tried to dig some poetic reason out of this feeling but there simply wasn’t one.

Now You're standing in front of the big building. All the teenagers are happily rushing from side to side and you feel guilty that you're the only one standing still and staring at the big cross above the door.

Hazel and the others aren't there yet, but you've been sent your room number per SMS and you feel ready to look for it on your own. Normally you follow Hazel around all summer, she always seems to know what was right and which way you should go. physically and mentally.

You would be here for 6 weeks, like every year, the rest of your family would spend their summer in Greece. You snort at the memory and continue to try to carry up your suitcase, which contains a 6 week supply of clothes and sweets. The boys' rooms are on the second floor and the girls' rooms on the third floor, it's always been that way and it still annoys you.

Room 26

The rolling of your suitcase leaves behind a noise that mixes with the many giggles,of the girls from the many rooms. You go through the many doors and check the numbers.

24, 25, 26

There will be 6 girls in each room and you know them all, but to your surprise the door is slightly open. But when you enter the room you don't find anyone. The familiar bunk beds greet your eyes and your mouth turned into a thin line, because you were both disappointed and unmotivated. There were enough cupboards on the wall for all of you, and they are still the same as last year.

A big, wide window at the end of the room showed the large meadow and the church, the lake was difficult to see but you know it’s there. There is a small table and a few chairs right in front of the window, you were lucky with the room this year, it could have been worse. You stand in front of the wooden table and enjoy the view.

The others should be there soon too. You decide to choose a bed, since Hazel loves to sleep on an upper bed, you put your suitcase and backpack on one of the beds below. Just as you were about to start unpacking, you heard the rushes of pillows.

"hey"

You let out a little scream.

There is a girl lying on the bed opposite, someone you don't know and have never seen before. Not even in church.

You're pretty sure you're both scanning each other at the same time. She is beautiful. Her face looks almost perfect. So far you can only see her head and her legs are hanging out a little over the edge of the bed, which you should have noticed when you came in. There was something different about her, different from the other girls you know. She seems to notice how scared you are and lets out a small and breathy laugh.

Her voice gives you goosebumps and you hope that she'll say something else very quickly. She jumps from the upper level of the bed down onto the floor, she doesn't seem to care about the ladder, and the wood makes a cracking noise. She lands deftly on the floor. Now you examine her properly again.

The sleeves of her flannel are rolled up to her elbows, revealing a tattoo that extends across her entire forearm. You couldn't catch the color of her eyes before, but now you can see it clearly. Green. She has short auburn hair in a half pulled back bun. She is wearing gray baggy joggers and black converse.

"ellie"

She extends her hand to you and you wonder how long it has been since someone had made that gesture towards you. You say your name and carefully take her hand. You notice freckles on her pale skin as your hands touch. Your heart feels like it's tied up in strings that you have to untie as quickly as possible.

When your hands separate again, they feel cold.

"I've never seen you here before," you remark and turn back to your suitcase with red cheeks.

"Yes, um... I'm new? I think you could say that."

With a few t-shirts in your hand, you look at her one more time. She looks out the window a little unsure.

"okay...?"

not a lot of information but you can handle it, you probably won't talk much anyway. You hope for her that she knows someone here and doesn't have to be alone.

Even if she's a little odd, that doesn't mean she has to have a hard time here. After putting your shirts away, you went to grab the rest of your clothes when you realized what was so different about her. Ellie is now laying back on the bed and appears to be drawing or writing something.

“Are you even Christian?” you ask her. The question seems so absurd here. Sometimes it seems as if the holiness of the church next door, extends to the youth hostel. You really shouldn't have to ask a question like that here.

her green eyes turn to you.

"Not really"

She doesn't wait for your reaction and you are very happy about that, because your face definitely shows your puzzled head. It doesn't make sense, and you’re having a really hard time finding one. Why should a non-believer do this to herself?

"Why-"

The door bursts open and Hazel and her other friends come into the room laughing loudly.

"Hey, sorry we're late, everything's fine" Hazel appears in front of you and hugs you tightly, the smell of fresh roses touches your nose.

"It's all good, up there Ellie, she's new"

The eyes of the 4 girls meet those of the new one. Ellie seems a bit surprised that you introduced her so quickly, but it would have been awkward if it had taken 5 minutes to notice that there was another person in the room.

"oh, hey ellie I’m hazel"

the other girls introduce themselves to her as well. Mia, Kate and Naveah. You know them all from church and they’re nice.

"Which church do you go to, Ellie?" Mia asks and you can already guess the answer, but don't say anything.

"I don’t really go to church only on Christmas and thanksgiving, my aunt and uncle sometimes drag me to our city church Center in San Francisco. They're the only reason why I'm here."

Okay yes, she was very clear that she didn't want to be here, everyone in the room can read that.

"OK!" Hazel claps her hands together almost hysterically. "Then it's our job to bring you closer to God, I'm sure you were sent here for a good reason."

Even if you grew up with such talk, you can’t hide your embarrassed expression. You're pretty sure that someone who didn't grew up in a religious household would neither like to hear something like that nor really want to enforce it.

"Oh you don't have to, if God has something planned for me, he'll definitely figure it out himself." She whispers the last part, not too inconspicuously.

You briefly pray that she has a few friends here because after that, Hazel definitely doesn't want anything to do with her anymore.

Hazel sighs vexed and loudly places her backpack on the table, which again attracts Ellie's attention. She looks away from her journal and stands herself up with her elbows.

"I believe that God often tries to spread his word through people, as it so often says in the Bible. Mark 16:15 says: Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation"

“Jesus,” Ellie whispers quietly.

“You can really leave me out, I’ll hear all your sermons anyway,” she adds.

"You can be happy about that, many people turn away from God and don't even hear his words," explains Kate.

"They’re lucky," murmurs Ellie, you're thinking about hitting her in the face , the next time she wants to say something.

Hazel's face showed a lot and it all goes in the same direction: anger and also responsibility. She believes that everything happens in God's will and that it is her job to convert ever human on earth. Unfortunately she also knows no limits.

"Do you at least have a Bible Ellie?" she asks, louder than necessary.

The other girls sit tensely at the table and watch the desputed interaction between the two.

"Yes, my aunt packed one for me"

"That's something"

"Um hazel" Naveah's voice was quiet and she looks like a frightened mouse. "We're about to have a get-to-know-you evening."

Hazel slowly comes out of her madness and smiles softly, just like you're used to.

"Right-"

"Ellie can go with us, she definitely doesn't know where to go."

You hate to interrupt your best friend, but you are sure that she would have just left Ellie here. Hazel's face looks a bit dazed and that only confirms it, Kate and the others also look at you with question marks on their faces.

“yeah I’d like that”

Your looks exchange and you smile at her in understanding.

Ellie is one of the most original girls you've ever had the pleasure of meeting, and you promise yourself not to succumb too much to the urges inside.

"Yeah whatever" Hazel storms past you without another word and the others follow her like dogs on a leash.

You could say that Hazel has always been more reverent and connected to God than most and this has made her both popular and well-known, especially in the church. The adults and pastors always spoke of her in the best terms.

It's every parent's greatest wish, that's clear to everyone. And that's one of the reasons why so many people want to be like her. The love and recognition of parents is not always self-evident, at least not in your church.

You realize that Ellie was your job now and that's why you stand there and wait until she jumps off the bed again.

"I don't actually want to do this, you know that?" She says.

you snort.

"Yes, you made that clear, Ellie."

As much as you try to be consistent and strict with her, you can't help but smile. You quickly follow the others, you can hear the footsteps of the other girl behind you.

The short path to the church across the meadow passes very quiet. Your gaze scurries over to the many other people, who are hurrying like bees making their way the bee queen. That's how it feels too, like a call from a higher society.

The church looks bigger from the inside, than you would think. It has a stage where preaching takes place and many benches, arranged in rows in front of it. A large wooden cross has been hung on the back wall near the stage, the sight of it gives you a cold shiver down your spine, even though you have been here so many times.

Ellie's figure appears next to you. She doesn't look too happy to be here either, but you can obviously hide it better. Her hands are tucked into her jogging pants and she has something masculine about her that you have never seen before.

But you find it brave and impressive how she didn't care what others thought of her. Hazel and her group had sat down in the second row and you tapped Ellie shoulder to make it clear to her that, whether she likes it or not, she will be sitting next to you.

She groans slightly for a moment, but follows you.

The church is very ordinary, except it’s made of wood it but other than that it looks like any other. As you and Ellie push your way forward through the crowd, you also see a few familiar faces from the last few years. You sit down in silence next to Naveah, who pays you no attention, just as Hazel.

Ellie lets out a sigh as she sits down and stares at the large cross. She looks a bit… charming?, but overall you can only tell that she has no interest whatsoever in being here. Ellie leans slightly toward you.

"What's going to happen here? Do we have to swear on the Bible or something?"

Your eyes widen and you can't help but laugh.

"No, the pastor will introduce himself and we will discuss what topics we have this week and what our daily routine looks like."

“Okay” She screws up her face and you smile.

When you turn back around, Hazel's stare pierces your soul. You didn't even have to turn towards her, the energy of her anger was strong enough, that it could’ve reach you in another state

"Okay children, sit down" Pastor Tobias walks through the hall and the crowd becomes quieter.

The fact that he still calls you children was not only embarrassing for you in front of Ellie, but it generally puzzled you a lot. But as mentioned, there were also 15 year olds here, but it still annoys you.

As soon as he stands on the stage, it becomes completely quiet.

"Welcome, it's nice that you're all here to serve God and praise the Lord."

Your chest slowly tightens and you fidget a little with your fingers. Ellie nudges you with her elbow. Surprised by the gesture, you turn to her, and she looks at you with so much concern and confusion at the same time that it disturbs you a bit.

Her look asks you if you're okay, but it also shows that she understands if you're not.

"This week we're tackling the topic of conversion and the rewards for it. Then on Wednesday you'll go on a hike in the forest."

The children all groan because everyone knows how shitty such hikes are and how long they were.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but it's going to be brightened up with a little scavenger hunt. Later, the staff will give you your tasks here on the camp and , yes still today, there will be a Bible lesson. Every morning and afternoon."

You actually like Bible lessons, you were good at reciting facts that you read in a book, it wasn't as bad as having the words of a preacher tattooed into your brain.

Pastor Tobias drives ahead.

"You have free time in the morning until breakfast and then the bible lessons and workshops begin. There are many different selections where you can register straight away, and then you have free time again for a few hours. The youth hostel's sports hall is now open again And you can use it again this year. In the evening the sermon will takes place at 8 p.m. You then have the choice to watch a film in the large hall and there will be silence for bedtime at 11 p.m.."

“Shit, that doesn’t sound so bad.”

Ellie's honesty appeals to you like iced water on a hot summer day.

unfortunately it’s also a very loud call im such a quiet room and a few people laugh in the back rows.

The pastor's eyes land on the girl and he seems to have remembered something because he doesn't drive forward.

"ellie..." a quick glance at the list of many names.

"Williams?"

The call doesn't surprise Ellie, she just nods, unconvinced.

Pastor Tobias nods and you can read a kind of... anger that makes your hands sweat.

"Yes, I remember you, young girl"

Ellie grimaces briefly at the nickname, he gave her.

"I see there has been no progress?"

You frown, but again it seems to be expected for Ellie.

"None that you would like" she grins at him, if you couldn't hear her words it would pass for a warm, even playful, smile. The room seems even quieter now and now you feel really cold.

All of this makes you incredibly nervous in the worst possible way.

"yes I see, well I hope this will finally help you"

After the sermon and after everyone has unpacked their things, the Bible lesson begins. There, everyone is divided into groups and you can talk about God and the world either in your room, the common room or sometimes even outside.

Your group decides to go outside and the grass under your fingers feels nice and comforting cold somehow. Hazel and some of the others have changed and you are also wearing much more comfortable clothes now.

"I don't really trust her? Sounds weird but that's how I feel."

You nod to every syllable Hazel says about Ellie.

Hazel fidgets with her long, holey sweater and you look up at the sky, watching the clouds. The lesson should start in a few minutes but Ellie is nowhere to be seen.

"I don't think she's coming," Mia murmurs.

"Yeah, as if she'd care." Kate laughs.

Hazel shifts a bit.

"But she should, even Tobi said that. I knew there was something strange about her.”

It bothers you how they can speak so badly about a complete stranger.

“Pastor Tobi may be a pastor but he’s not God, we don’t know anything for sure, Hazel.” Your stern voice surprises the others.

Most of the time you prefer to listen and observe, rather than add to the something conversations yourself.

Most of the time.

“But we can trust him, at least I do. Don’t you?”

It was a bet, without a doubt, one that you wouldn’t take up.

“Okay girls,”

a young woman in her mid-20s appears in front you with a smile and a Bible in her hand.

“Where should we start? Any concerns?”

You look at her without any real thoughts, no memory of her.

“Must be new,” Hazel whispers, saying what you’re thinking.

“Oh yes, I’m Louisa, but you can call me whatever you want, Lou, Louise, I don’t care.”

A small smile, blinded by the sun, hits your face as you notice how authentic and nice she seems. Ellie would definitely like her too if she would be here… it’s strange how familiar she already is to you. how much you outvote her.

"I am both your carer and your contact person, because I know that many of you do not see the two as one and the same."

She smiles lovingly and sits cross-legged in front of you so that you form a small circle.

"If there is anything on your mind, you can talk to me."

Hazel speaks up, finger in the air, her body completely stiff.

"Oh, you don't have to-"

Hazel interrupts Louisa quickly.

"Ellie didn't show up,"

you almost hiss through your teeth.

"Yes, I noticed that too..." she looks at her note and seems to be thinking about what exactly she should about this situation.

"I'll talk to her later."

A smile that doesn't really show love and attention appears on Hazel's lips.

"You should do that."

You don't see or hear anything from Ellie for the rest of the evening. You keep catching yourself looking around, hoping that she might be behind you. Your ears waited to hear the girl's rough voice or bright laugh, but that just didn't happen.

At the campfire, the clouds of smoke and the big fire banish your view and you just don't dare to get up and look for her. It would be too conspicuous and Hazel is already angry enough.

Hazel tells you about the many fireflies she saw last week and that she got an instant camera before camp. You turn over your stick of bread in silence and lean back on the bench, then you feel a warm, familiar hand on your shoulder.

"Are you okay, darling?"

Louisa’s eyes examine your face worriedly. She looks almost as old as you in the dark, but the fire shows that she actually isn't.

"huh?"

"are you alright?"

When Hazel notices that you are no longer participating in her conversation she turns the other way to Kate, finally you hear silence in your head for the first time this afternoon.

"yes, I'm fine," you whisper.

She almost didn't seem to hear it, but nods slowly.

"are you looking for someone?"

she whispers back with a grin, either to accommodate your gesture or because she realizes that your other friends probably shouldn't notice.

"me? no."

You wave your hand in the air, distracted. Louisa didn't really seem to buy it.

She takes the bread from her stick and looks into the distance, behind the fire. You wonder what is going on in her head.

"she's behind the yard."

You turn to her, shocked, because she knows full well that Ellie is actually some kind of problem case that you should maybe probably stay away from.

The woman notices your gaze and looks at you amused.

"I know how it feels to want something you shouldn't want, a friendship especially. A lot of people don't mention it but group stress and pressure doesn't end at 18."

her words bring you both comfort and sadness.

"when will it end?"

you're not sure why you're talking to her about it, much less why you feel comfortable enough to do so. Louisa was silent for a few seconds before answering.

"depends. maybe never. only we can make a difference, even though we're not the cause of the problem."

You gently pull your bread off the fire and set it aside so that it rests on the stick, in the air.

"thank you Louisa" you stand up, smiling, and turn to Hazel with a little more determination.

"i'm going to the bathroom for a minute."

hazel's eyes drift up from her conversation with some brown haired guy.

"okay.

without listening to anything else, your feet lead you away from the fire, until it is just a memory and a red light in the distance.

You feel immediately relieved.

But the closer you get to the youth hostel, the more nervous you become. you don't understand why and that only frustrates you more until it feels a little like your whole system is about to fail.

In the back yard, Louisa told you.

Louisa said it was okay to talk to Ellie, to want to talk to her, no reason to feel bad about it. Nevertheless, you stop before the turn to the back yard and look at the pebbles that make that crunching sound, which reminds you that you really want this.

But why do you feel so bad about wanting this?

new friendships are a good thing? yes, Hazel doesn't like her and she is probably a problem case in the church, but that is nothing world-changing.

your back finds the wall of the building and you breathe in and out quickly.

you are worried that if you turn here now you will just walk past her. Out of fear of her, of you, and of the rejection. Your breathing becomes heavier in your lungs. Panic, which you know all too well, spreads inside you and your hand goes to your chest.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?“

"yeah what is wrong with you dude"

you flinch and worry whether you have broken something, even though that is impossible in any universe.

"fuck"

you support yourself on your knees, immersed in shock, and eye the converse of Ellie, who is standing next to you.

"you good?"

"yes, jesus"

That came out a little harsher than you intended and the girl's eyes narrow for a second.

"sorry- you just scared me"

you lean against the wall again. you are sure that Ellie will go away now, but you hear her shoes stop right next to you.

"sorry, it wasn't intentional, what are you doing here?"

you don't know that either.

"I don't know"

you put your hands in your cardigan and look the auburn-haired girl in the eyes.

She is now leaning against the wall next to you.

"That's cool" the silence and the eye contact almost kills you, until you notice that Ellie is experimenting with something in her hands.

"Ellie, you can't smoke here! you shouldn't smoke at all"

Ellie giggles loudly and licks the paper to finish rolling the cigarette. Your gaze falls on her tongue and its movements but you quickly turn back to the front, feeling dizzy now.

Okay? That was... weird?

you thought.

"Nobody dies because of a little smoking"

"You would be surprised" you say and watch as she lights the cigarette.

It looks relaxing. Not as scary and evil as you always imagined, it almost looks magical.

"You never smoked before?"

Disbelief in her voice.

You giggle and relax your shoulders.

"not so common at a Christian school, I once went to a party with Mia. There were lots of joints and cigarettes, but I never got any closer to the stuff"

"it's awesome, and you can buy it if you want. 18 and your parents can't really tell you shit"

Your mother's face appears in your vision and the feeling of shame spreads again.

"yes, they can..."

Ellie takes a drag on the cigarette and looks at you again.

Softer and more curious.

"fuck, you take this actually serious"

"yeah, what else should I do? A lot of people aren't here for fun, Ellie"

"yes, I can imagine, Dina takes it serious too"

Now she looks like the same person you remember meeting. Much more serious and proud. A little brave too.

"who's Dina?"

Ellie kicks a few stones with her shoe and her expression doesn't really tell you much.

"nobody. isn't important, but she takes it seriously."

You nod and respect her boundaries even if it's the last thing you want to do.

"You don't?"

"Fuck no" she laughs, but the wall that she has built up for herself for so long and with so much effort, is crumbling.

You could see and hear it. Her eyebrows frown and her voice was like a silky purr.

"Ellie- I know it's none of my business but why-"

"What do you think, doll? Ha, you remind me of a doll"

That distracts you.

You turn to her with a grin. "How do I remind you of a doll?"

the physical openness surprised Ellie, but she happily accepted it. she turned around and grins at you.

"quiet and pretty. but like, porcelain pretty as if you had been painted."

Holy shit.

you curse yourself for having said that, but it is the only thing that does justice to your feelings right now. your face gets warm and you can’t help but smile at that. You probably look dumb with that stupid grin on your face. No one ever said something like that so casually to you and your not sure if you wanted anyone else, but Ellie to be the one who does.

But it is a nice tingling sensation.

as if soft feathers were brushing against your skin.

"so what do you think I'm doing here?"

The nervous feeling visits you again but it is more caring than before, less careful.

"I'm sure you did something. I'm just not sure what exactly, but it must be bad, right?"

you actually just wanted to joke but Ellie's face turns gloomy again and she takes another puff of her rolled cigarette.

"maybe? I'm not really sure myself, it didn't feel wrong."

Confused, you watch her, her face, her tousled hair and her hand holding the poison, she is probably addicted to but cannot resist.

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."

"What?"

You giggle at her confusion, but immediately explain what you mean.

"Temptations are common in the Bible. And in the world too. They are everywhere even if we cannot see or feel them."

You both look forward now instead of at each other because that seems more pleasant. The green trees were barely visible now. At least not the leaves. The trunk was still there.

"But how do you know it's a temptation?"

Lost and maybe even confusion appear in Ellie's deep voice. Your heart breaks a little, like the first time you saw your grandpa cry.

"I believe that if it harms you or others, it is a clear sin. biblical and moral," you explain.

"There are rules... many." You add uncomfortable

Ellie nods at your words, not like you do with Hazel. She means it seriously and she listens.

"I know."

"So what did you do?"

She seems confused for a moment, but then memory flashes across her face and she looks straight ahead again.

"I kissed someone."

"You kissed someone?" You repeat slowly, grinning slightly.

That's not so bad.

"Well I kissed someone and got caught... doing something else. But it's related."

You nervously play with the fabric of your cardigan.

"Okay?"

So she had sex?

Sin before marriage, But we can let that slide.

God, you could fill a damn library with all the stories you heard in your class, about girls who were caught with boys in their beds.

"She didn't get into trouble. I'm the only one here."

your brain clicks it all together quickly. God in heaven, you are naive. naive, stupid and careless.

"oh"

Ellie chuckles breathy.

"oh"

she emphasizes in the same shocked tone as you.

you swallow, noticing how dry your throat is. your back feels cold and hot at the same time for the first time in your life you understand what Edvard Munch meant by his god damned “the scream“ painting.

if Ellie wasn't standing right in front of you, you probably wouldn't look any different.

“Ellie I- that like a very big sin"

the pebble dances beneath her feet, as she turns away from you.

"no shit"

"wait I didn't-"

what didn't you? you said what you were supposed to say.

why the fuck do you feel like you need to add something to that. To have another conversation with her.

To look at her and pray that she's already looking at you. She stops with her back to you.

You've never been sure how to deal with irritable people. You couldn't do it with your sister or brother, with Hazel or anyone else.

"I-I don't know what to say. but I don't want you to leave"

Truths

Truths.

that's not a sin.

if you were to say something different to her now, Things you should normally say, you would be lying.

you wouldn't be any better.

7/21/2007

Reader pov:

6:40 a.m

The air is stuffy. Grossly stuffy and thick.

Before you even open your eyes you notice how bright it is and look at your clock on the bedside table.

6:41 a.m

You let out a sigh and you can hear the snoring of a few of the other girls. Even though you don't have to get up until 7:30 it's not worth going back to sleep or even trying.

The chances of it working are slim. You unintentionally go over last night again.

Ellie confesses that she kissed a girl. You reacted like a good Christian girl, but after a few seconds you felt so bad that you stopped her from leaving and pulled her back. You said that you don't hate her, but that it's not right according to God. Ellie seemed to find that a bit annoying, but she was no longer in rabies mode.

Then you ran. well, not really ran, but you quickly turned around and went back to the fire.

It all became too much and it happened too fast. Ellie look after you touched her arm and she reacted to your words.

Your face turned red out of shame and the thought, that she might notice, bothered you.

When you came back from the campfire, Ellie wasn't in bed or in the bathroom. You were a little worried, apparently Ellie is the kind of person who sometimes doesn't let herself be seen for a while.

You bend your head out of bed and look at the top bunk opposite. still empty.

"Fuck," you mumble, stressed now.

You slowly get your legs out of bed and for the first time in years you are glad that you always have to sleep in the bottom bunk.

The floor is ice cold, but the sun outside gives the room warm air.

As you try to get up, you stupidly bang your head on the wall of the bed above you.

"Shit!"

You hear a few pillows and blankets rustling for a moment, but then the usual morning silence returns.

You quickly grab your slippers, a cardigan, your MP3 player and your Nokia. You wash your face and teeth and try to tame your hair. When you're done, you standing lost in the hallway. Nobody seems to be awake.

You put your headphones on and play your playlist. It was a mix of The Killers and Coldplay, since luckily your parents didn't just show you 80s music.

All these things that I've done. You love this song.

You try to go down the stairs at the beat, but quickly realise that it's much too loud. You scurry past the boys' hallway and there isn't a soul either. Kate's boyfriend should have arrived last night. You hate Kate's boyfriend.

There are a few more people awake on the first floor, but you don't really want to start a conversation, so you try to scurry to the end of the hallway, past the common room and the dining room.

you've almost reached the door to freedom, when someone says your name.

Pastor Tobias. great.

"good morning, young lady" it always confuses you that he talks like he’s 50. he's only in his mid-30s.

"Hello Pastor Tobias, how are you this morning?"

the pastor comes closer.

"I feel especially blessed today"

you both laugh uncomfortably at his words.

"Are you on your way to pray in church? The church is already open, my morning prayers are very important to me."

"um..." actually that's not the reason, but then he would definitely not let you out. you make a mental note to stop by the church later. "Yes, exactly. Isn't that how you'd like your morning to start?"

The man nods in agreement and also... proudly?

"You could be a great worship leader one day… I don't want to hold you up. But please be back for breakfast, You know how time flies when you're praying."

Another unpleasant laugh and then you're through the door.

You arrive in the cold air, wearing only your short striped pj shorts, a spaghetti top and a green knit jacket. Your gaze glides over the large meadow.

Everything is exactly like yesterday, only with a lot more fog and a lot fewer people.

You love this hour of day. Everyone is about to wake up and one you get a last look at the world, without loud noises, lots of people and tasks. As you walk across the meadow towards the lake, your non-waterproof shoes soak up the water from the meadow. Your legs start to freeze as well.

You pray that you won't have a cold tomorrow. You walk past the large church and the fireplace. Just as you are almost at the lake, you see a figure emerging from the grass walking towards you.

You recognize him immediately.

Caleb Thompson. You have known each other for years and your churches are very close to each other. Every year he is here, just like you, and every year Hazel tries to get a date with him or a phone number, anything.

You have the urge to either run back and pretend you never saw him or hide in the grass. Both are out of the question, as he is already far too close and has probably seen you.

"Don't come too close to me, psycho" - yes, you were expecting a reaction like that, but he likes to exaggerate. He takes two steps away from you.

"I haven't forgotten how sick you are, girl. Don't do anything stupid or I'll tell everyone what happened, I promise, bitch".

Your eyes widen, he walks past you with his arms protectively outstretched.

"It wasn't that bad, motherfucker"

- he stops and turns around.

"What did you just call me?" You stop too.

For years you've wanted to tell him how much of a fucked up person he really is, but for Hazel's sake you never did. But now you’re sure that they won’t end as a couple anyway.

"Motherfucker, Caleb. You're a real asshole"

- you say with your arms crossed.

His long, blonde hair lies in his face and looks pretty unkempt, as if he's been swimming at night and hasn't showered. "You cunt-"

He comes at you, you mentally prepare yourself. But an arm separates you and pushes him away.

"Jesus Caleb, calm down." You know that voice.

Her short reddish, brown hair is in a little braid this time and she still seems to be in her sleeping clothes.

"the fuck Ellie you don't know shit-"

"yeah but I also don't care about shit, I just know you shouldn't hit a girl. so please piss off"

he lets out a loud, annoyed breath like men always do and turns around, and if he wasn't walking on grass you would probably hear his stomping pretty well.

"you didn't have to do that"

Ellie's eyes meet yours for the first time since yesterday.

"yeah, but I still did. No matter how sweet your little ego is, that guy would have ripped you to pieces. no offens"

how much you want to tell her that that's not true and how shitty he is, how much he deserves it, but you don't.

"whatever"

"where are you going?"

the question surprises you. up until now you were obsessed with starting a conversation with Ellie, up until now it wasn't based on reciprocity.

If you weren’t nervous before, you sure as hell are now.

"to the lake" your voice is a bit quiet but she seems to have heard it, her gaze wanders behind you to the lake and she shrugs her shoulders.

"okay" then she walks past you towards the lake. you frown.

She looks over her shoulder.

"are you coming?"

"yeah!" you quickly try to keep up with her pace.

"what are you doing here so early?"

you ask her while walking quickly.

"actually I wanted to swim, but the water is so fucking cold"

"you swim? Like, professionally"

"when I was little I was in the swimming club for 3 years, but now I only swim when I want and can" she grinned at you.

your stomach tickles nervously.

"were you good"

she chuckles at you. "yes I was really fucking good"

a smile spreads across your lips and you follow her to the jetty. You sit down at the end of the long wooden path. you take off your shoes and put you legs in the water. "cold!"

Ellie giggles next to you. "told you"

you grin back and nudge her with your elbow. you are sitting so close that you can feel the warmth of her body on your arm.

Something’s not right. Something’s different. Different from when you talk to Hazel or Caleb or anyone. This feels like you belong somewhere. With her as weird as that sounds since she’s someone who likes the same sex.

But then you remember, Your sister once spent a year abroad in Germany and brought you cactus popsicle. The tip of the ice, made a crackling sound in your mouth that was funny, unreal and ticklish. you laughed the whole evening at the reactions of the family members. that's exactly how it feels right now.

like German cactus popsicle.

You dare to look at Ellie.

she is also wearing pjs pants and a white tank top with a grey hoodie jacket over it. her hair is imperceptibly and tousled probably from being limp, but you find it kind of cute.

Ellie is always so serious and sarcastic, but you are sure she is a bit softer and more sensitive.

This "look" shows you that again. She is just a girl too, a very complicated and chaotic girl.

"why don't you swim anymore?" you ask her.

"Joel said I took it too seriously back then, now that I think about it, he was probably right."

Ellie's playfully kicks the water like a stone on the road.

"who's Joel?"

she gives you a quick glance to the side.

"my adoptive father."

"oh" you try to suppress the surprise in your voice but it doesn't work.

"did he send you here?"

you hope you're not asking too many personal questions, but Ellie doesn't seem to mind.

"no, that was my aunt and uncle, I'm here for the summer while Joel is enjoying his life on the coast of Miami. Oregon really sucks compared to Miami."

you nod thoughtfully.

"what is he doing in Malibu? … and what are you doing here and not in Malibu?"

"Honeymoon. my old man is just married, but Tess is really sweet, I like her"

"Tess, pretty name" you reply.

"yes, the wedding was nice, I even got to play the guitar for Take on Me" another fulfilled smile appears on her face as she watches the water.

Ellie has lots of things that make her happy and feel good. No matter how broken the pastor thinks she is, it's not true. She is one of the most complete people you have ever seen.

"I can play the piano" you grin at her surprised reaction.

"Piano, huh? I tried to learn it once, but it's too complicated for me, I'll stick with guitars. Huge respect though doll"

the nickname she gives you, makes you feel warm, your heart jumps excited and the trust you give her feels good. Safe.

"yes, my mother forced me to learn it as a child so that I could play for the choir, so please don't laugh at me if I have to do that here too."

"I would never laugh at you. Especially not because of something impressive"

now you obviously turn your head towards her. For a few seconds you just look at each other, as if you had to upgrade each other's bodies and faces all over again.

"Your very Sweet Ellie."

The girl's freckles are affected by the redness of her face and she looks away again. You want to talk about yesterday, you can't really get last night out of your head.

"About yesterday..."

Now she shakes her head quickly.

"Just forget it. I know what you think about it... but I don't want it to stand between us. You're much too nice, please just forget it."

You can hear her impatience but also her fear.

"It doesn't bother me." You reply softly

"What?"

It breaks your heart how surprised she is. How much she expects the hate and rejection.

John 15:12: My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

"I don't really mind it. however you feel about this or about yourself it doesn't matter. you are made of love Ellie."

You have never felt this wise in your entire life, and never more like yourself too.

"that was so cheesy holy shit"

you bump your shoulder hard against hers, laughing.

"fuck you"

just as you were about to sit down a bit more comfortable you fidget a bit trying to find a comfortable position, as Ellie bumps her shoulder so hard into yours, at such a wrong moment that you were in the water in three seconds. You fail and try to hold on to her, but pull her in with you.

The cold water embraces your body unexpected. Your clothes absorb the water so quickly, that as soon as you reach the surface your cardigan is as heavy as stone.

Luckily you put your phone and your mp3 player out of your pocket before whatever this is happened.

You gasp loudly and the cold that takes over your face turns your cheeks a fiery red.

"Ellie what the fuck-"

You admit, you actually intended to be mad, her clumsiness got you into cold water but she just laughs loud. Your arms slide slowly in rhythm to your sides and keep you above water.

"I'm so sorry really but-"

she starts laughing again.

You are sure that she will wake up the whole camp with her laughter. Grinning, you swim over to her.

"Okay Ellie calm down. You’re gonna drown from Laughing-„

Splashes of water land in your face and you let out a little scream. The other girl looks you over teasingly and moves away.

"You're so done"

In a matter of seconds a shaft of water starts and all you can hear is the loud splashing of the water and the screaming of two girls.

splash

Water in Ellie's face, but she manages to protect herself with her arms.

splash

Water hits your face for the third time and you laugh and squeeze your eyes shut.

"Okay, I give up," you gasp.

"Yeah, you better,"

Ellie Chuckles, also completely soaked.

You look at her.

Her wet hair is stickt to her cheeks and she has this grin that would make you do anything. And she's funny, so damn funny. And beautiful, especially now. She's like salt water. She's like the sea. Wild and grumpy and salty. When you're with her, you feel the way you do when you hear a really good song for the first time.

"You okay?"

You quickly leave your thoughts behind and nod at her.

"Never been better,"

she laughs. To your surprise, she then lets herself float on the surface of the water. Her arms outstretched and her eyes closed. You do the same and the both of you lie next to each other.

Her pointed fingers lightly brush against yours.

She’s Like salt water. As soon as you notice it, it starts to burn and you want to wash it off straight away.

To all the closeted queer people in church; you matter and you’re a real icon. There are more gay in religious spaces than you think!!! Try finding each other, it helps a lot!! Spend time with the people who love and enjoy who you are ❤️ ( GAYYYY)

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG FORGIVE ME

Taglist: @elliewilliamgfooc @a-little-bit-of-everybody @vqxen @hersuniverse @nelzooo @shiimer @bready101

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wolfythewitch · 6 months

Note

Do you ever have that feeling where, despite your distance with your religion, there's still moments where sparks of what you were bought up with, return?

I'm from a religious family, but I'm not in touch with my own religion. Yet there's me calling in the name of the Lord before and after I eat. It's like this lingering piece that I never turn to look at but somehow slips into my ordinary life.

I don't really know you that much, or your religious status. But seeing your religious talks made me want to bring this up.

I don't even know if I make sense here- just- ignore this if you want to, I don't know.

Hmmm I think so. My whole thing with it is really complicated haha. I still go to church every Sunday, though I prefer doing volunteer work with the kids over listening to the sermon. I pray before I eat out of habit. I find myself quoting the bible more often than I open to read it (though this is changing because of all the times I look for references lol). There's a resentment that I get whenever it's brought up, especially around my family. I find myself immediately on guard the minute it becomes subject of conversation. Sometimes at night I'll pace around and just talk. I don't know if I'm talking to myself or to god or whoever but. I'll talk. I think I still believe in him. I definitely believe that there's something out there. I don't think the question is of belief as much as it is of care. Do I care enough to try?

I'll say this though. Whatever I'm doing right now has gotten me to think more about bible and religion than I have in the past few years. So. That's fun! Who knew trying to explore something your own way instead of the way forced onto you by your environment gives your room to feel everything out without any preexisting pressure?

#wolfy tedtalks #anon #wolfy religious tedtalks #i have a theory #and that theory is any time some vaguely catholic holiday rolls around jesus bitch slaps me into being more religious than i currently am #first it was during easter #and now all saint's day is rolling around soon #or maybe its my period #side effects may include #nausea. fatigue. back pain. resurgence of religious belief coupled with complicated thoughts of compartmentalized trauma. cramps. mood swing

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teapartyprincess4two · 2 months

Note

heyyy idk if you've been on tiktok but currently in like the editing fandom everyone's been editing the triplets to the song 18 by Anarbor so I was just wondering if you could maybe write for Matt because I think it just fits so well but surprisingly I don't think I've ever seen anyone write for the triplets based on that song and I think you would slayyyy it. I know you've got a couple requests and others you're working on rn so no pressure, even if you don't end up doing this request I'd eat up anything you put out 💋💋

I’ll Play Your Game- M. Sturniolo

pairing: GoodGirl!reader x BadBoy!Matt

classification: angst, fluff

warnings: use of y/n, suggestive content but no smut, mention of parental issues, controlling parents, mentions smoking, rebellious reader, mention of religion & religious trauma, mention of church, reference to the Bible (brief), cliche high school stereotypes/ tropes, long

inspiration: request^^, 18 by Anarbor

summary: You’re the Pastor’s daughter, all eyes are always on you. So, why not put on a show?

—

Ever since you were a little girl everyone expected three things from you; be sweet, pray, and obey. There were 10 commandments, all of them listed plain and simple in the Bible, and you were expected to follow them all. Your dad was strict, he had high expectations of you from the day you were born and upheld them throughout your infancy and childhood. Your mom was a pushover, she’d let your father brain wash her long ago into believing that his way was the only ways.

Your dad kept your weekly itinerary filled to the brim with activities to ensure that you had zero time to misbehave. Everyday after school, without fail, there was at least one activity waiting for you. Monday’s were for Bible study, on Tuesday you had golf practice, the afternoon prayer circle was on Wednesday, piano practice on Thursday, on Friday’s you’d volunteer at a food bank, Saturday’s were for homework and chores, and Sunday was the Lord’s day. Sunday’s were always dedicated to church, if you even thought of doing anything else you’d never hear the end of it from your dad.

That’s why, at the ripe age of 18, you’ve decided enough is enough. You’ve made it your sole mission to rebel against your dad and his ideologies, you’d remove the ‘good girl’ label from your life once and for all. But, if you were being honest, you’d followed the rules for so long that you didn’t even know where to begin.

The only good thing your parents did was send you to a public school, deeming Christian school too expensive despite it aligning more with their views. You’ve made a few friends, most of them also conformists, but no one who’d help you properly rebel against your parents. So, if you wanted to do this right, you needed to find someone new with a bad reputation; Matthew Sturniolo.

Matt was the textbook definition of a bad boy, and if there was a guide he’d definitely check off all the boxes. He had the angsty, quiet demeanor with a touch of humor. His body adorned with a multitude of tattoos, each one representing something different from his life. His hair was long enough to be considered too long by conservative parents, framing his face just around his scruffy beard perfectly. The outfits he wore, matched his mysterious persona perfectly, allowing him to disappear into the shadows seamlessly.

If anyone was going to help you piss off your parents, it was definitely going to be Matt. But you had to start off slowly, this wasn’t a one and done type of plan, it was more intricate than that and you were playing the long game. If you wanted to get to Matt, you needed to get to get to one of his triplet brothers first.

You had two options; Chris or Nick.

Chris was your stereotypical jock. He was the captain of the school’s varsity hockey team, occupying most of his Friday nights with hockey games and following them with a Saturday night full of partying. His weekdays were obviously spent at school, but he did the bare minimum to keep his grades up, he focused most of his attention on flirting with girls. Chris was loud, outgoing, flirtatious, and way too popular for his own good. If you tried getting to Matt through him, he’d surely think you were flirting.

So, if you wanted this to work, you needed someone equally as popular, but not as cocky.

That left you with Nick. Nick was on a completely different side of the popularity spectrum than Chris; he was your stereotypical cheerleader. He, much like Chris, spent his Friday’s at hockey games except he was leading his team in cheers and chants instead. The rest of his time was spent organizing the important school events such as prom and homecoming, and when he wasn’t doing that he was boosting student morale through heartfelt speeches at school assemblies.

Nick was the perfect contender and since cheer tryout were opening up soon, it was the perfect excuse to get to know him. First, you’d earn your spot on the cheerleading team. Then, you’d slowly enter Nick’s inner circle, using it as leverage to finally get to Matt.

It was the perfect plan. What could go wrong?

—

One of your dad’s frequented sermons plays over the car stereo as he drives you to school, he’s adamant on silence in the car so you can fully absorb the message behind the sermon. It doesn’t bother you anymore, you usually just tune it out and scroll through your phone, especially on weekday mornings on the way to school.

Before you fell asleep last night you decided that today was the day, cheer tryouts were after school and you were going to saunter in there, perform your best routine, and complete the first step of your plan.

“Listen, Y/n. This is important,” your dad snaps his fingers in front of your face, breaking your gaze from your phone. He turns the sound up, the words of the sermon taking over the car, “Children, obey your parents. Do as you are told and you will be blessed.”

You rolls your eyes, it was always the same thing with you dad. “See, be obedient. God will only bless you if you’re obedient,” he says. The man on the stereo continues, “Parents, do not anger your chil-“ Before the man can finish his sentence, your dad turns the sound off. If he had to follow any rules that gave you any sort of power, he didn’t want to hear them. You side eye him, glad that he’s too focused on the road to notice.

Most kids hate school, they claim it’s a waste of time or that they hate doing all the work, but not you. You’ll gladly welcome the extra hours of homework, volunteer opportunities after school, and early tutoring sessions just for an excuse to get as far away from your controlling family as possible.

Your dad pulls up to the school parking lot, immediately commenting on something he found distasteful before bidding you goodbye. “Be the light, Y/n!” he exclaims as you hop off the car, shutting the car door without turning back to him. A wave of relief washes over you when he pulls out of the parking lot, you felt so tense the entire car ride. But now that you were finally at school, it was time to put your plan into full effect.

You were getting rid of the ‘good girl’ title no matter what.

—

When the last school bell rings you’re practically flying down the stairs to the gym. You wanted to get to the girl’s locker room as quick as possible so you could be the first in line for cheer tryouts. Nothing said ‘co-captain’ like punctuality. Or, actually, would it be better to make a fashionably late entrance? You shake the thought off, you’re just going to be on time. You’re sure Nick would appreciate it.

The tryout requires that you wear a pleated skirt along with a school shirt so that the judges know what you look like in school colors and that you know how to perform in a cheer uniform. As a classified church girl, you had a wide variety of skirts to choose from, but you made sure to pick your newest one just for the occasion. You changed quickly in the locker room, tying a bow into your hair before anyone else arrived.

When the second person entered the locker room, you were already walking out, mentally going through your routine in your head. If you wanted a spot in Nick’s inner circle, you needed to execute this routine perfectly. You choreographed it yourself after watching endless hours of cheer routine videos, making sure to incorporate as many dazzling moves as possible.

The gym is quiet, the only sound being Nick and two teachers setting up the judges table. They’re surprised to see you already dressed and ready to perform, no one had ever been this early before. They’re even more shocked that you’re here, everyone knows you’re the Pastor’s daughter and the cheer team was known for everything but modesty.

“Are you here for tryouts?” Nick asks, a big smile on his faces. He’s excited for the new year and to find a new co-captain amidst the crowd of talented dancers and performers.

“Yes, my name is y/n,” you reply, watching as he finds your name on one of his many clipboards. Suddenly, now that you’re standing in the gym, you don’t feel so confident anymore. The nerves are starting to settle and you’re becoming anxious at the thought of forgetting your routine, messing up and embarrassing yourself, or just not being good enough to make the team let alone become co-captain.

One of the teachers heaves a large stereo onto the desk, connecting it her phone and cueing up your song before asking, “Alright, Y/n. You ready?” Shaky, sweaty hands smooth down your pleated skirt, a long exhale following right after. It was now or never, if you wanted to get back at your dad for all the years of religious trauma it was going to start now.

“I’m ready.”

The teacher smiles at you, all the judges taking a seat behind the table as she presses play on the song. A funky pop beat plays over the stereo, and immediately your routine is in full swing. One of the male judges is humming along to the music, all their eyes trained on you as you dance along the gym floor. The song wasn’t necessarily inappropriate, but you managed to pull out as many sultry moves as possible.

Nick is instantly impressed by your routine, taking down a few notes on how graceful and elegant you move. The teachers, who are mostly there out of obligation, refer to their rubric before giving you a final score. If Nick could have it his way, he’d make you co-captain then and there, but there’s plenty of other girls still waiting to tryout.

You finish your routine in a split, slightly out of breath but trying to keep your composure. The music stops, but the noise is replaced with the judges clapping for your performance, “Great work! The team list will be posted end of day tomorrow. NEXT!”

Just like that you’re being rushed out of the gym for the next girl as Nick sends you an enthusiastic thumbs up. All you could do was hope you earned a spot on the team, and by the way Nick looked at you, you were almost 100% you’d be this years cheer co-captain.

You’re daydreaming about making the team, feeling confident that your plan is working and you’re not paying attention to where you’re waking. So, on the way back to the locker room you accidentally bump into someone, their hard chest causing you to stumble back slightly.

“I’m so sorry,” you apologize, looking up at who just bumped into.

“No problem,” a deep voice croaks in return, you’d recognize that voice anywhere. You look up to see none other than Matt, fully clad in his signature all black style. His hair falls in front of his face, hiding just enough of his eyes to give him an even more mysterious aura. He smells of cigarettes and cologne, a delicious scent that has you weak in the knees.

Without another word, just a sly smirk, Matt is walking past you and into the gym. He saunters up the bleachers, managing to find a perfectly secluded corner to hide in. Not long after, he’s joined by Chris who just finished hockey practice. Chris doesn’t bother hiding, instead he sits right next to Matt where the gym lights are still illuminating. They’re both waiting for Nick so they can head home, and although they’re tired from the school day, they’ll gladly stay a couple extra hours to watch all the pretty girls do their tryout routines.

Matt can feel you watching him, allowing the darkness to serve as a veil as he looks you up and down. He’s noticed you in the halls before, but never took you for a cheerleader. You can’t even see Matt anymore, but you have to force yourself to look away, quickly continuing your walk back to the locker room.

The next day after school you’re once again rushing down the stairs, trying to get to the bulletin before anyone else. You push past a few people, weaving your way through the crowded hallway. This is the defining moment, if you made the team you’d be one step closer to achieving your final goal: get Matthew Sturniolo.

You must’ve been lost in thought because you once again manage to bump into someone. You stumble back, some of your textbooks falling out of your arms and onto the floor in the process.

“You need to watch where you’re going, sweetheart,” Matt says, reaching his arms out to steady you before you can fall over. The nickname turned your legs to jelly.

How was it that you always managed to bump into him? It almost seemed like fate.

“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” you reply sincerely, kneeling down to pick up your books from the floor. He does the same, picking up one of your stray books, fingertips grazing your hand when he hands it to you. Your eyes can’t help but travel up his arm, mentally counting and admiring the different tattoos that litter his arms. He notices, but he doesn’t say anything.

“Y/n, right?” You hold your textbooks in a firm, anxious grip as you stand up. Matt is still kneeling, your knees aligned with his face. He lets his eyes trail up your legs and up to your face, a devilish grin on his face. The position felt so compromising, but you had to try an act casual.

“Yeah, you’re Matt. Right?” He hums in response, tracing your entire silhouette one last time before he finally stands up. His height causes him to tower over you, a whiff of his cologne once again hitting you, immediately putting you in a deep trance. Matt is handsome and he knows it, he notices how hypnotized you looked and it only serves as an ego boost.

“See you around, Y/n,” he smirks, sending you a quick wink as he walks outside. “See you around,” you reply meekly, mentally facepalming for letting the anxiety take you over.

You felt like a little mouse who finally gained the courage to scavenge for food only to be chased around by a ravenous cat. The only sounds coming from you being squeaks and chirps, too anxious to form coherent words. This was going to be harder than you thought.

When you finally reached the bulletin, your eyes scanned over the new team roster. Your name was all the way at the bottom in bold, capitalized letters, ‘Y/N: CO-CAPTAIN.’ At least you did that part right.

—

It’s been 2 months since your cheer audition and since then you’ve risen in popularity dramatically. As co-captain you were invited to join Nick at his table for lunch and worked closely alongside him to choreograph new routines. This led you two to become close, your friendship blossoming over the countless hours of cheer practice.

Your dad hated that you were a cheerleader, finding issues in everything about it. He deemed the uniform too provocative, the cheers too sexual, and claiming that you were spending too much time practicing and not enough time studying your Bible. The only reason he didn’t force you to quit was because your mom finally grew a backbone and stuck up for you, advocating that this was a good hobby for you. Cheerleading was the perfect scapegoat, even on the odd days when you didn’t have practice you were able to sneak out of all your other responsibilities. No more piano, golf practice, volunteering at the food bank, or Bible study for you.

Eventually, the hockey season ended so you and Nick modified the chants to fit the lacrosse field. Chris was known to play every sport possible, so you weren’t surprised to see ‘STURNIOLO’ written across one of the jerseys running on the field. But upon further examination, you realized you were seeing double. Matt, who usually watched from the sidelines, was running plays alongside his brother and absolutely dominating the field.

It was hard for you to focus on your routine, your eyes kept following his sweaty figure as it raced across the field. Nick, who notices your sudden offbeat performance, was sending you warning looks to get it together. But you couldn’t help it, Matt had an alluring aura to him that seemed to draw you in without fail each time.

The school band plays loudly over the course of the game, making it hard to hear anything other than the loud drums and trumpets. During a small break, Nick nudges you, mouthing a quick “what the fuck?” You give him an apologetic smile, adjusting your uniform slightly before mouthing back an “I’m sorry.” He gives you a look that says, ‘yeah, you better be’ before getting back in position, ready to cheer the rest of the night away. You do the same, forcing yourself not to look at Matt for the rest of the game.

Before you know it, the game is over and the stadium was filled with hooting and hollering as Matt scored the winning goal. The school and his entire tram cheered for him in unison. You and Nick guided the bleacher full of students in a big chant, cheering for the lacrosse team loudly for their victory, “Yeah, yeah, do we rock? Yeah, yeah, take it to the top! Yeah, yeah, we are never gonna stop! Get wins till the other team drops!” Pompoms are in the air, rhythmically swaying to the beat, your feet twisting and turning as you pop your hips.

These type of events were always full of school spirit, but when they ended and the team headed towards the lockers and the cheerleaders went in search of their boyfriends, the air quickly became chaotic. Especially with everyone else piling off the bleachers and into the parking lot, trying to get home before it got too dark. You stay back and chat with Nick for a while before he dismisses himself to find one of his brothers.

So, now you’re left to wander the field on your own, taking a seat on the grass under the bright stadium lights. You loved moments like this, moments when you got to be alone with your thoughts. All you could think about was Matt, and for a second you thought he might be here on the field with you, the smell of his cologne and cigarette smoke whipping past you with the breeze. You look around, thinking your mind was playing tricks on you.

But it’s not, you see the light at the end of his cigarette deep within the shadows, followed by cigarette smoke that forms a cloud once it dances into the light. For some reason you feel bold, or maybe it’s just the same alluring feeling from earlier that makes you stand up and walk over to him. You can’t see him, but the lit cigarette between his fingers serves as a place marker for his location, the embers crackling brightly in the dark.

Matt’s eyes train on your figure as it approaches, squinting slightly in confusion. He’s never taken you for a smoker, but then again he didn’t take you for a cheerleader and you were clearly the best dancer on the team.

The whole night he couldn’t stop sneaking glances at you, even earning a tongue lashing from his coach for missing a few passes. Towards the end he had to force himself to focus, scoring the winning point in hopes of impressing you.

It obviously worked because once your eyes adjust to the darkness you’re commenting on it, “Good job on the field today, that last play was awesome.” There’s a twinge of innocence in your voice that Matt wants to destroy. “Thanks, you weren’t too bad yourself,” he replies, taking a long inhale of his cigarette before blowing the smoke away from you. The wind only blows it back into your face anyways, causing you to cough slightly.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, ready to flick the cigarette on the floor and stomp it out. But you stop him, a gentle hand holding his arm, “no it’s okay, I’ll get used to it.” The comment is bold, but you needed to be bold if you wanted to get Matt.

Was this the same girl that everyone knew as the Pastor’s daughter? Where was all this sudden confidence coming from?

“Oh, will you?” he asks with a quirked eyebrow, dusting the ash off his cigarette before taking another hit. You hum in response, slowly moving closer to him, allowing him to blow the smoke close enough to your face for it to sting. You hold in a cough, offering Matt an innocent smile that he returns with a smirk.

If this was the game you were starting, he was ready to play.

—

From that moment forward, Matt has been obsessed with you. He gave himself a day to decide whether he wanted to pursue you or not, but after hearing his lacrosse buddies talking about you one time after practice, he decided no one else could have you. The comments they were making were typical, the same things they said about every girl they found attractive, but because it was about you it irked him.

So, two days after your fateful encounter on the lacrosse field, Matt was waiting for you to finish cheer practice from outside the gym, fully clad in his lacrosse uniform, sweaty and dirty from practicing just moments before. Chris was standing nearby, chatting up another cheerleader who snuck out of the gym to be with him. Nick always reprimanded Chris for this, especially because it directly affected her performance and it showed on the field when she was struggling to keep up.

Matt debated on whether or not he should do the same, call you out from practice to tell you everything that was on his mind, but he loved watching you perfectly execute your routines during games. He wanted his girl to be the best, outperforming everyone else seamlessly. So, instead he decided to patiently wait for you.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the music in the gym turns off and he can hear sneakers against the waxy floor as you all rush towards the locker room. For someone so dark and mysterious, Matt actually found himself getting excited.

Not long after, you and Nick walk out of the locker room. You’re laughing at something Nick said as you sling your duffel bag on your shoulder. Matt watches as you throw you head back in laughter, the bow in your hair twirling in the wind.

Nick instinctively walks towards his brothers and you follow suit, still too immersed in the conversation to notice Matt. Once you’re close enough, Nick sends the cheerleader talking to Chris a disapproving look that has her scurrying away and into the locker room.

“What was that for??” Chris exclaims, watching as the girl he was chatting up disappears. “Dude you always distract her, it shows on the field. She has the sloppiest performance out of everyone on the team,” Nick comments blatantly, readjusting his bag on his shoulder. “So? Just kick her off then!” Chris retaliates, running an exasperated hand through his hair. “Would you date her if she wasn’t on the team?” you chime in, laughing at how flustered Chris has become. He thinks about it for a while, “no, yeah probably not.”

His response elicits a laugh from you and a scoff from Nick, who begins scolding him. Matt is watching you intently, trying to gain your attention through some form of telepathy. You feel his burning gaze on you, finally looking at him through your long, thick eyelashes. “What about you? Any girls on the team won your heart yet?” you ask, a playful grin appearing on your face. After your last encounter with him, you’re hoping he doesn’t even know anyone else on the roster and just blurts out your name.

“Hmmm maybe,” he replies with a smirk, reaching in his pocket for his lighter and a cigarette. “Oh really? Mr. Tough Guy’s in love?” you tease, watching as he places a cigarette in between his lips and lights it with ease, taking a quick draw of it before pinching it away. Nick and Chris have started walking to the parking lot at this point, too immersed in their own world to notice you and Matt flirting.

“Something like that,” the smoke puffs out with each word, swirling in the air before fading away. He brings the cigarette back up onto his lips, intently waiting for you next move. What you say next is unexpected, “can I try?” You’re pointing at the cigarette innocently, causing Matt’s eyes to open in shock.

“Too strong for you, sweetheart,” he replies coyly, blowing the smoke out through the side of his mouth. “How am I supposed to get used to it then?” you’re referring to what you said the other day, hoping to jog his memory and let him know that you still want him.

Matt doesn’t skip a beat, within seconds he’s wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you into him. “Slowly,” he answers in a whisper, taking a long drag of his cigarette before moving his face closer to yours. You’re holding onto his shoulders for support, watching intently as his face gets closer and closer to yours.

Without another word, his lips are inches from yours as he exhales the smoke into your mouth, capturing your lips in a quick kiss. His mouth melts into yours, working the smoke into your lungs with each movement. When he pulls away from the kiss, you’re immediately coughing up a storm. Your nose burns and tears brim at your eyes from the strong sensation.

“Told you it was too strong for you,” he comments with a chuckle, putting the cigarette out on the brick wall behind him before moving his other arm around your waist. Once you’re finally not coughing he speaks again, “Here, let’s try that again, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you whisper, moving your hands from his chest to his neck. He leans in for another kiss, this time savoring your sweet kiss without any smoke to inhibit his taste buds.

In that moment, Matt knew he didn’t have to say anything else, you became his girl.

—

The next few weeks were amazing, you finally got everything you wanted, all you needed to do now was flaunt all of it in front of your dad and watch how horrified he became.

“Hi baby,” Matt whispers, throwing an arm over your shoulder while you wait in the lunch line. Matt never ate lunch at school, he’d usually get in his car and hit up the nearest fast food place or walk off campus for a smoke break. He found the cafeteria to be too chaotic, there was nowhere to seclude himself and even less areas to eat a meal in peace and quiet. But, that you two are dating, he’s started dragging you along on his school day adventures. Sometimes you’ll just get lunch, other times you’ll sit and talk to him while he smokes, but most times you’ll end up making out in the backseat of his car.

“Hi handsome,” you reply in a cheery tone, tiptoeing so you can plant a quick peck on his lips. He smiles into the kiss.

“Let’s go to my car? I’ll treat you to lunch, pretty girl,” he suggests, already beginning to walk towards his car with you under his arm. You don’t complain, especially because this is the closest you’d ever get to real dates with Matt, especially when under the careful watch of your parents.

You guys end up at a local Mexican restaurant, it was a restaurant that your family frequented on Sunday’s after church so you were well acquainted with it. Once inside, you and Matt are directed to a booth in the back, perfectly secluded and away from prying eyes. He takes a seat across from you, smiling at you in a lovesick gaze.

Maybe it was too early to say it, but Matt definitely felt it; he loved you. He was apprehensive to admit it, even just to himself, because he was scared to get hurt, but so far your relationship has been nothing but sweet.

The waitress takes your order and you don’t even need to look at the menu to know what you want which catches Matt by surprise. “You bring all your boyfriends here?” he jokes, folding the menu and handing it to the waitress after placing his order. “Only the cute ones,” you joke in return, sending him a playful wink. He laughs, holding your hand in his on the table.

“This is my dad’s favorite restaurant, we come here like every Sunday after service,” you explain, taking a quick sip of your drink. Matt nods his head, of course he didn’t suspect you were cheating, but he appreciated the explanation.

“Your dad has good taste,” he comments. You never spoke about your family so everything he knew was by word of mouth. He knew the basics; your dad was a Pastor, you came from a conservative family, and your Sundays were usually occupied with church.

You hum in response, trying to think of a topic to avert the conversation from your dad, and, as if on cue, the front door rings. A customer just walked into the restaurant, nothing out of the ordinary, but upon further inspection you realize it’s your dad. You’re mid sip, choking slightly on the liquid as you try quickly swallowing from the shock.

Matt notices your distress, following your gaze to see what has you so nervous all of a sudden. That’s when he sees him, your dad standing by the front waiting to be seated. Matt’s not scared, but he is nervous to possibly meet your dad. He wants to make a good impression, but with the tattoos, long hair, and lingering smell of cigarette smoke, he doubts he’ll be successful in doing that.

“Speak of the devil,” you mumble, watching closely for your dad’s next move.

Matt’s surprised you’re not rushing to leave, you actually look calm now, almost like you’re hoping your dad will be seated one booth over. For the first time in your relationship he senses an ulterior motive behind your actions and he doesn’t know whether to be scared or turned on.

He remembers the good girl you were, the girl who always arrived to class on time, the girl who would never be caught skipping school and he wonders where this sudden rebellious nature came from. But now he gets it, this is a game to you, you want your dad to catch you skipping school with the ‘bad boy,’ you want to make your dad so upset his face turns red. Matt doesn’t know what to think about that, but if this is the game then he’d happily play along, he’d do anything for his girl.

The restaurant host sits your dad a few booths down and he situates himself in the seat directly facing you, if he looks your way at the right angle he’d easily see you. But he’s too occupied in conversation with the waitress to notice anything, ordering his food before pulling out a book.

“Here’s your food, Miss Y/n,” the waitress says with a smile, placing plates of food on the table. The waitress learned your name from all the years your family visited the restaurant, and although you appreciated the effort, you wanted to slap a hand against her mouth for giving you away. Matt’s eyes go wide, she said it really loud, did your dad hear?

“Thank you,” you reply quickly with a tight lipped smile, trying to shoo her away as fast as possible. You look back towards your dad’s booth, fully expecting him to still be turning pages in his book, but his eyes are locked on you. He’s seething, you can practically see the smoke coming from his ears.

You waited for him to get up from the booth and walk over to your table, but instead he pulls out his wallet and throws a bill on the table, grabbing his stuff and walking out. The waitress watches in confusion, and so do you. What the hell was he doing?

Matt senses the movement, straining his neck to watch your dad walk out. He suddenly becomes nervous because even though he wanted to help you piss off your parents, he also wanted to be the boyfriend parents welcomed with open arms despite his appearance.

When you finish eating, you’re walking out of the restaurant intently searching for your dad. He was sure to be lurking around the parking lot somewhere. You’re holding Matt’s hand, walking slowly to his car.

“Y/n! Where do you think you’re going?!” your dad’s voice booms from the other side of the parking lot. He waited outside until you and Matt finished your meal, not wanting to make a scene in his favorite restaurant.

You watch as he slams the car door closed, storming over to you and Matt with an unreadable expression on his face. “Is this what I send you to school for? So you can skip with.. with this?! What will people think? What will the church think? The pastors daughter off fornicating with a- with a delinquent,” your dad motions up and down Matt’s body, clearly displeased with his appearance and attire. It makes you so mad, but you don’t even get the chance to respond because your dad won’t stop talking, “You’re coming home with me right now. Say goodbye to your phone, cheerleading, and this boy because you’re never seeing them again!”

He attempts to grab your arm, but you pull away. “Y/n. Do not make this any more difficult than it already is. Let’s go!”

“No.” Your reply is short and curt, but it’s stern enough to appall your father.

“No? No?! Who do you think you are?! You’re nothing but a stupid little girl, now get in the car.” He reaches for you again, this time managing to pinch your skin slightly. “Ow, stop,” you exclaim, pushing him away from you slightly. Matt protectively moves you behind him in one quick swoop, using his body to prevent your dad from touching you again.

“Get out of the way, this is between me and my daughter.”

“Not happening,” Matt replies, towering over your dad.

“This is what you want, Y/n? A stupid hippie? He reeks of cigarettes and has tattoos, didn’t I teach you better?!” Matt is fuming at this point, your dad was the most disrespectful person he’d ever met. “Dad, just go. I’m not choosing you over Matt,” you reply, trying to stand your ground, but sounding so weak and small.

“I’m not asking you to choose me, I’m asking you to choose God. But if you want to choose this boy, then go ahead, but don’t come knocking on my door when he gets you pregnant and leaves you,” he yells. Was he kicking you out?

“What?” you ask, stepping out from behind Matt.

“You heard me, girl. Don’t bother coming home unless it’s without him.”

Without another word your dad is walking back to his car and pulling out of the parking lot, driving away and leaving you with nothing but the dust. You watch with teary eyes as his car disappears into the horizon, you never meant for it to end like this. All you wanted was a little freedom, but your rebellious actions have warranted a consequence you never anticipated.

“Hey, hey. It’s gonna be okay,” Matt whispers, bringing you in for a warm hug. He’s patting your hair as you bury your face in his chest, allowing the tears to flow. “What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go?” you hiccup, wrapping your arms around Matt’s torso in an attempt to feel him closer.

“You can stay at my house,” he replies and he means it, he’d do anything for you. In retrospect he should’ve seen this coming from the moment he realized you were trying to piss off your parents, but he’s too far gone now to turn back. Matt’s too in love with you at this point for his own good, the only thing he can think to do is protect you.

“Are you sure?” you feel like a helpless little mouse again, except this time Matt feels like a security blanket instead of a potential threat.

“I’m sure.” Matt places a loving kiss on your lips before kissing your forehead and pulling you into him again.

Whatever happened, you and Matt were going to get through it together. After all, Matt decided to play your game.

—

MASTERLIST

A/n:

Shwoop here you go luv u honey bunches thank you for the request. I hope you enjoy!!

Also, I had never heard this song before but it’s def going on my playlist now & I will be searching for those tiktok edits hehehe

-L.A.M.B👼🏻💗

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richincolor · 7 months

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It's Banned Books Week!

While this isn't really a week to celebrate because censorship and the suppression of diverse voices is never okay, this is a week to lift up the work of educators, librarians, authors, book publishers, anyone who has a hand in making sure everyone's voice is represented in the books we love. The past few years have seen an increase in school boards across the country banning books in classrooms and libraries. The most egregious, to me, has been the removal of classroom sets of books in Florida. The ALA released early data on the number of challenged books for 2023 so far and its heartbreaking. The data reveals that, "Between January 1 and August 31, 2023, OIF reported 695 attempts to censor library materials and services and documented challenges to 1,915 unique titles - a 20% increase from the same reporting period in 2022, which saw the highest number of book challenges since ALA began compiling the data more than 20 years ago. The vast majority of challenges were to books written by or about a person of color or a member of the LGBTQIA+ community." (https://www.ala.org/advocacy/bbooks/book-ban-data) I don't know about you but this makes me want to fight even harder.

So, what can you do? The ALA provides an cool list of ways you can get involved not just this week but all year round such as volunteer at a library, speak out at a school board meeting, join organizations such as Unite Against Book Bans, purchase and share banned books, and even attend some of the events this week. Check out this page (Banned Books - Get Involved) for more detailed information about how you can help.

Starting today the ALA is hosting a few events that you can gain insight and inspiration. I'm looking forward to Banned Books Week Honorary Chair LeVar Burton's talk tonight at 8pm EST (5pm for you Cali folk like me) and a roundtable discussion titled "A Seat at the Table: Youth Advocates on Fighting Books Bans" by students leaders doing the hard work on Thursday at 8pm EST/5pm PST. Click on this page (Banned Books - Events) to get more information.

Lastly, Saturday, October 7th is Let Freedom Read Day where the ALA is asking us all to commit to doing at least one thing to help fight against censorship and support those on the front line. On their page (Let Freedom Read) is a list of actions that you could do on Sunday (or any day really), but for me, personally, please send love to a teacher or librarian because we could really use the support. Just saying "I'm there for you" or maybe donating a book to a teacher's personal classroom library would go far in the fight against censorship. If there is any time to give back to those who promote literacy and representation for all, this is the week to do it.

#banned books week #weneeddiversebooks

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emeraldoodles · 16 days

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The Master Post from Serizawa Week 2024

I had lots of fun participating! Mine are little snapshots from the week, linking one day to the next.

If you would like more story read below.

Thanks @ygodmyy20 & @acermp100 for letting me bound ideas off you the whole week. Also, @yu-artist for sharing the Seriweek prompts!

Monday, March 25th - Friends

Serizawa made going back to school look so fun Minegishi decided to join. Sometimes Dimple/Yoshioka likes to stop by and say hello. Today he was a distraction to Serizawa, so he had trouble paying attention and listening to the homework assignment.

Tuesday, March 26th - School

Poor Serizawa, having to stay up late to finish an assignment. At least he's not alone. The cat's name is Gizmo! Thanks @acermp100 for the cat name suggestion. @secretagent9 I really love the idea of a Gundam name, but not being a fan I didn't know what to choose.

Wednesday, March 27th - Outfit

Reigen and Serizawa were hired to exorcise mischievous spirits that kept harassing the maids at a cafe. Serizawa was very tired from yesterday's school assignment and not on his A-game today.

Reigen volunteered to lure out the ghost by wearing a maid's outfit, but maybe he just wanted to wear it. Serizawa is wearing his cute butler outfit! The maids were very excited to dress him up, not so much Reigen

Reigen: Those brats! Wont even help me tie my apron. Grumble. *struggles to reach behind*

Serizawa: Here, let me. *zips up and hooks Reigen's dress and ties the apron*

Reigen: *many hand gestures* Competition, that's what is is Serizawa! I'm competition because of how good I look.

Serizawa: *chuckles* You do look good sir. Very pretty, very cute.

Reigen: R-really? *blush* I-I er, I mean of course! Now! Let's get to work!

Poor Reigen, he got ice water dumped on him several times that day. He wasn't feel great before the exorcism, but was wiped out by the end the assignment.

Thursday, March 28th - Food

Mrs. Serizawa is teaching Kastuya how to cook, so he can stop living off instant noodles. Today is a hearty beef & leak stew!

Mrs. Serizawa: Remember, the leaks need to be thoroughly washed.

Kastuya: Nods, Nods!

Mrs. Serizawa: Also, the more passion and enjoyment you put into your cooking will reflect in the final dish. So, relax and take it slow and your love will shine through.

Serizawa is learning how to make tonjiru soup. He wants to make it for someone "special" this week.

Friday, March 29th - Spring

Dimple: I don't get it. If you're worried about Reigen go check up on him.

Serizawa: I don't want to intrude on his privacy.

Dimple: Ugh, you two are impossible.

It was an unusual day. Reigen didn't show up for work and Serizawa just got a message from him saying "I n68 sick".

Saturday, March 30th - Comfort/Bravery

Serizawa: Reigen, please eat a little more.

Reigen: No, I feel so sick.

Serizawa: But you've not eaten since Thursday. Here, let me get you just some broth.

Reigen: Kastuya...

Serizawa: Y-Yes?

Reigen: I.... I... Bucket. I need the bucket.

Reigen proceeded to dry heave into the bucket while saliva and tears fell in. Serizawa rubbed his back while he continued to convulse for several minutes.

Sunday, March 31st - Birthday

Serizawa went over to check on Reigen, who surprised him by throwing a little birthday celebration. It was just the two of them, but Reigen originally had planned something bigger. Luckily, the present, a multiplayer game, arrived on time, so they could play together.

Reigen was still sick, and drugged up, and making bad decisions. But Serizawa didn't mind. A love confession from Reigen made this the best birthday.

#mob psycho 100 #mp100 #serizawaweek2024 #Serizawa #kastuya #reigen arataka #serirei #digital watercolor #sketch #Minegishi #Toshiki #Ekubo #Dimple #Yoshioka #cat #sick fic #maid

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izicodes · 3 months

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Sunday 21st January 2024

>> I made a post yesterday of me mini-ranting about how I don't have any proper career goals because the ones I made years ago I've achieved now, so I'm questioning myself "What now? 🙃".

Then I remembered I have a recruiter mate and I emailed him asking for help and he gave me a long list of what I could do now to get better from my position. And I like sharing help so here's what he said + my own notes of what I understood from them~!

Hope this helps you too~!

🩶 Assess Current Skills and Set Goals

Identify your strengths and weaknesses.

Set clear goals for technical and leadership skill development.

My notes: I am good at some languages/technologies whilst I am a complete noob in others. Yes, I use them but I am not confident in them and always have to Google what is going on. I need to make a list of all the languages I am good at and those I am not so good at. Maybe even list why I'm not good at them. The same goes for non-technical skills. Got to make plans/goals on how I will improve them and get out of my comfort bubble on my comfort technologies and expand! Leadership skills would probably improve when I get solo projects given/have to present at Team meetings on my own in front of everyone~!

🩶 Technical Skill Enhancement

Deepen your proficiency in current programming languages.

Explore new technologies and frameworks relevant to your field.

My notes: I already answered this in the top one, but I shouldn't neglect my current skills to be able to learn the new ones. With the languages I am good and confident in, I still feel as though I haven't reached the more advanced stuff of that language. OOP stuff skill scares me in any programming language so I need to face my fears and learn it. From time to time, check what's popular in the market in terms of technology used and see which one aligns with my dream tech stack to use in the future and make plans to learn and develop myself~!

🩶 Project Leadership and Collaboration

Volunteer to lead small projects or take on more responsibility in current projects.

Collaborate with cross-functional teams to understand different aspects of project development.

My notes: At work, I eventually (since I'm still new) should ask to be the lead on some projects just like my higher-up developer is to me. Lead my own projects, without having to report to someone unless in dire need or when the project is complete for testing, etc. The team is small so I should talk to the non-developers in the team and see from their POV how the project is. Understand different types of people in the team and communicate effectively. All of this can be transferred to non-work projects like an online group project on an Open-Source project on GitHub for example - lead projects and taking more responsibilities. Being able to talk to people with different skillsets as we work on a group project~!

🩶 Attend Workshops and Networking Events

Attend workshops, conferences, and networking events to expand your knowledge and connections.

Seek mentorship from experienced professionals, including CTOs.

My notes: My gosh, I dread this honestly. I'm still a relatively shy person so going to workshops and events still brings small anxiety but that's something I do want to break~! I will never know what I will learn, who I will meet etc if I don't go to one! I want to aim that this year I would like to go to one, preferably in or near my city. I always love the idea of having a mentor, honestly, I was going to pay someone to help mentor me on that part ( >> loads of cites offer mentorships for programming!!! ) but I feel like my manager right now is that person so I will keep working with him to develop more~!

In conclusion, self-improvement as a programmer is both challenging and super hard to get started BUT rewarding in the end~!

#xc: programming blog post #my resources #codeblr #coding #progblr #programming #studyblr #studying #computer science #tech #study inspiration #career advice post #career tips #career advice #career #resources

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nolita-fairytale · 7 months

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first i would like to say congrats and thank you for doing this celebration!! ✨✨✨ i was thinking about a blurb 🥐 for Carmy that has been on my mind forever! i keep going back to this ideia of something like that scene from Bridget Jones’s Diary in which she’s trying to make dinner for her friends and she’s doing this soup and instead of using like a normal string she uses a blue one and the soup turns blue and Colin Firth’s character ends up helping her out idk I feel like Carmy would be delighted to see something like that! 💛

slowly, slowly making my way through the rest of my follower requests. anyone else getting their ass kicked at work these days? i'm fine but work has just been exceptionally worky and i think it should stop. lmao anyways... i love this idea that @pleasecallmeunhinged brought to me and am so happy that i've gotten to sit down and work on it this evening.

It's just butter, flour, and milk. How hard can it be?

At least that's what you think to yourself as you volunteer to make the bechamel sauce for the lasagna. You've watched Carmy work hard, all day long, rolling sheets of pasta out while the bolognese stews low and slow in the oven.

It's not till he has to run a quick errand for Richie that he realizes that this slow Sunday dinner might get pushed back a few hours.

"I can do it, Bear," you offer, considering that, since dating Carmy, your skills in the kitchen have massively improved.

Striving your best to always be a student, you've picked up a few things in your relationship with Carmy, even if it doesn't come as naturally to you as you hoped it would.

It starts simply:

Melt the butter. Whisk in flour. Stir in milk. Add herbs to steep in the bechamel sauce for flavor.

But for the life of you, you can't find the kitchen twine (whatever the hell that is), settling for a long piece of royal blue yarn from the last time you thought you'd take up crocheting. Without a second thought, you toss the bundle of herbs into the milk, butter, and flour mixture, to let it infuse.

"Everything okay, babe?" Carmy asks you when he returns, immediately seeing the look on your face.

"Don't laugh, okay?" you request, only mildly embarrassed, but mostly humored by the whole situation. Carmy shoots you a quizzical look as you take his hand, gently leading him over to the stove where your bechamel-fail sits.

"Why would I-? Oh fuck, babe!" Carmy exclaims, as soon as he inside of the saucepan.

It's blue.

A deep, royal blue, a few shades lighter from the white of the bechamel sauce.

"Remember when I decided I was going to take up crocheting again? Well uh... You didn't have any kitchen twine so I... sort of used some yarn that I found and...." you explain, carefully, searching Carmy's face for any kind of reaction to your kitchen mishap.

Instead he just stares at it, and you can't tell whether he's horrified or in shock, that by the time he opens his mouth, you don't know what to expect.

"Carm?" you ask him, the long silence beginning to worry you.

And instead of answering, all he can do is laugh.

It's the kind of laugh that's full bodied and fully bellied, taking him over, and lighting him up from end to end. It's contagious -- so contagious that you begin to join in, practically gasping for air because of how hard you and Carmy laugh together at the blue bechamel.

You can see it in the way his eyes crinkle at the corners, at how his cheeks turn red, with the way he looks at you like you're the most precious thing in the world.

"Yo this is..." he starts, beginning to come down from his fit of laughter.

"A mess?" you suggest, exchanging a look with your boyfriend.

"Fuck yeah," he agrees enthusiastically, grinning from ear to ear as he adds:

"But you're my mess. C'mon! Let's get this pot cleaned up and I'll show you how to make it for real."

#carmen berzatto x you #carmen 'carmy' berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #the bear hulu #the bear fx #the bear fanfiction #nolita fairytale's follower celebration #nolita fairytale’s follower celebration #carmy x fem!reader #carmen berzatto fluff

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russellsppttemplates · 2 years

Text

Stomp your foot (Charles Leclerc)

Y/N is trying her best to get Ferrari where they deserve to be, and despite some disagreements and bad strategies, one that is unknowingly working for her is making a certain driver fall for her

Note: english is not my first language. It was requested through a comment from a career mention on New around here and I thought about picking it up. Also, are you happy about this as a stand alone? Do you want a part 2...? Update: part 2 can be read in Dance with me

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can! (I'm posting twice today because my sleep has been all over the place and I might as well take advantage of it)

Tw: Ferrari's season, curse words

Since you could remember, the answer to 'what do you want to be when you grow up?' had been 'I want to be the person that sits in front of the screens and makes the drivers win with their tips' and later, once you had gotten the hang of the word, 'I want to be a race strategist'. You studied engineering in university and always applied to every summer job that was related to F1, wether it was just volunteering in the paddock or, in later years when as your knowledge grew, some teams, like Ferrari, had offered the opportunity for you to be in the factory with the engineers that stayed back there during the races so you could experience some of the thrill and what it was like. "So, Y/N", Tom said as he sat next to you as you admired the screens and all the information in there, "You've been my desk buddy for 5 races now, and I still don't know how you got interested in this whole thing", he finished. When you arrived, Tom as the person they had told you to follow as he was available to explain things to you as the race happened without troubling too much and so far he had been amazing at all the things he had taught you and all the questions he had answered, no matter how stupid they sounded in your head. "My family would watch the Grand Prix together after lunch on Sunday and I used to borrow my cousin's laptop and draw graphs on the screen and pretend they were stats from the race, and I'd give guesses to the screen and get really happy when they would make the same call I did", you commented earning a chuckle from Tom, "who knows, maybe one day you'll sit there with then", Tom smiled as he watched the pitwall appear on the screen as the team got all in their respective places to begin the race. Grabbing your notepad, you waited for the decisions to be made by the team before questioning Tom about why they had done it that way and what they hoped the car would achieve with every change they made. When you finished your degree, Tom had told you about a spot in the engineering team at Ferrari and you submitted your CV, knowing that you would have a handful of other CVs competing with yours, but still feeling confident enough about yourself. Still, you couldn't help the squeal that left your lips when you got a call from the head of the engineering team saying you had been the one to get the spot. That was two years ago, and you had made it to the team that travelled to races at the beggining of this season.

"Y/N, could you get here, please? There's an issue with Carlos' DRS, we've checked and it's not mechanic, the whole system functions, but if you press the button on the wheel it doesn't open", Anthony, one of the mechanics said. You hopped off of the cabinet you had been sitting in and grabbed your laptop, "Have you checked the hydraulic system too? The other day it was Charles' car that was doing that", you forwarded as they nodded, "That's fine too, we've tested it", prompting you to connect the car cable to your laptop to see what it was about. After opening and closing a few tabs and checking some of the car parts, you finally found what seemed to be the problem, "look here, let me just adjust that", you changed the settings before you called back, "Anthony, press the DRS button for me again, please" you asked as you say the part open and then close like it was supposed to, "Thanks, Y/N", the mechanic smiled back before you smiled back and headed to where you were, filling some paperwork about the change you had done and the problem you had encountered for future reference. You were about to take it to one of your superiors when Xavier, Charles' race engineer and a big support since you had arrived in the team, "Y/N, the woman of the hour", the spaniard said as you looked at him, your eyebrows creasing at his statement, "I'm just going to bring this back to Mattia so he can archive them", you tried to justify before he said, "you can leave them there, there are going to be a few more alterations so you're really saving us time, and allow me to talk to you about this", Xavier smiled as you set the folder down, "you really are scaring me, just so you know, I can only hope you don't relish on people's bad being", earning a chuckle. "I don't, don't worry. I was talking with the team and Mattia, and we think that you are ready to try the pit wall for the strategist place" he said non chalantly like he wasn't making your dream come true. Like the little Y/N inside you wasn't ecstatic right now. "We thought that starting this weekend would be good, you'll get used to it all during free practice and qualifying, and since Charles is taking penalties for the engine change anyway, we're thinking that Friday and Saturday are good for you to dip your toes in. And since there's a lot to do on that race it will be interesting to see what we can come up with when we have you there", he smiled as he patted your back, "Thank you so much for the opportunitiy", you managed to squeak out before Xavier turned around and you did a little celebratory dance.

Arriving in the garage on race day, you felt confident about the day until the weather seemed to be playing tricks on you, "they say it's going to be better by the time the race starts", someone said as they saw your less than amused expression as you looked at the grey sky. During your lunch break, Carlos and Charles came up to you, "Y/N, Xavi was just telling me and Charles how you're the new strategist for us, and that you really helped yesterday with my finish", Carlos began as they sat in the table next to you, "Oh, it's really a team effort, and maybe it's just my beginners luck, and you guys are very good drivers, so it wasn't too hard that you finished where you finished", you said honestly. "Oh, ever so modest Y/N", Charles said, "you've been a key part of our team, I'm very happy to know that you're reaching your full potential", the monégasque finished and as you were about to thank them both, the drivers were called for the parade, bidding you goodbye.

The race had been going pretty well, Charles managing to gain two spots on the grid and Carlos was doing a good job in maintaining his position, "should we get Carlos in? I think it would be a good time for that, he seems to have the pace and Max's tyres are looking a bit worse for wear, he's going to need to change soon", Mattia said, "if we could get the advance now he could race for a podium for sure, and maybe even P1 if we can get a fast pit stop too", you agreed as everyone nodded their head, the intent being sent to Carlos over the radio. As you heard the car beside you, you turned on your seat to see the mechanics, flashing them a thumbs up after they had done an incredible job on that pit stop. A bit further into the race, Xavi saw that Charles had a possibility to gain a few more positions and since you seemed to be up for it, he discussed his plan with you, "from this here I think it would be good enough, he has the pace", you reasoned as Xavi turned on his radio, "Charles, you have Alonso and Ocon in front of you, and we think you should try and pass them, the car looks good and the breaks too so when you feel like you can go through...!", Xavi said as you both waited for him, slightly holding your breath as he passed each car. With Carlos on the podium and Charles gaining 10 positions from where he started, the team were happy with the results, some of the developments they had done over the weekend bringing the car forward in its competitiveness, and as the guys got their media duties over, you came back from the bathroom and joined the rest of the team, "here's the rookie. C'mon Xavier, how did she do today?", Carlos asked as he poked your arm, "really good today, she helped a lot, and I think the boss was impressed too", Xavier winked at you as Charles joined, "I hear congratulations are in order, I have a new strategist on my side", Charles beamed as he drank some water, "here's to an amazing season", he high-fived you as he spoke. And little did he know how much of a season it was going to be.

Sunday at Silverstone had been all over the place. You had been officially been promoted to strategist and Mattia had assigned you to Xavi so you could both look at Charles' race closely and, despite being happy that Carlos got his first F1 win, you were disappointed. Disappointed in yourself, your efforts and the team, you celebrated with Carlos for a bit before retiring to the engineers room in the hospitality, and Tom, who had been at the race that weekend, pulled a chair next to him, "I was about to leave, do you want to be alone?", he asked, "I feel like shit and I don't want to spread it around, so do it at your own risk", you stated. Hugging you from your shoulders, Tom squeezed your body in his embrace, "you did amazing out there, don't ever doubt it. And, don't tell them I said that, but you can stomp your foot harder next time, you know what you're doing and they're just failing to see it", Tom said before he left. You were alone in a room full of desks and chairs, screens with the race data on them mocking you and the ideas you forwarded that hadn't been heard or considered when you heard the door open, "Sorry, I just needed a little time alone, I'll be right out", you said as you looked up to see who it was. Charles Leclerc, who in your mind thought would be the last person to want to see you, "I'll be out", you said as you grabbed your closed notebook. "Stay", Charles said, "only if you want to though, but if you want to stay, you can", he saved it quickly, looking at you. You knew you looked broken, but obviously he took it even harder. Sitting next to you in a spinning chair, Charles switched the monitor off, "Xavi told me about what you wanted to do, it's a shame they didn't listen", Charles tried to navigate around you and the orders the pitwall had given him, always knowing how to win and loose in a team sport, "today was hard, in many ways, but we'll come back stronger, I know it. You'll come back stronger", you said and before you knew it your hand had travelled to his, squeezing his fingers in yours as you looked at his beautiful eyes, "I don't care how I'm going to do it, Charles, but next weekend I'm getting you a podium", you looked at him in hopes of bringing some of his spirit back, your words having an understandable result given the circumstances.

The day after Silverstone, everyone was at Maranello for meetings and media duties, and as you passed through the drivers when you went to get coffee, they both waved as usual and Carlos noticed how Charles' stare took a few seconds longer than it used to, "are you fond of your new strategist, Charles Leclerc?", he asked his team mate as he watched how the monégasque driver's eyes followed you as long as the clear windows allowed, "what? Y/N? She's really nice, I've always liked her, and so do you", he tried playing it cool and Carlos could only laugh at his attempt. "Really? You want me to believe it? Just like that, hm?", he teased and Charles gave up on his act, "Well, she's always been around, and she's very beautiful, and smart and kind and... yeah, I like her", Charles tried to put it, "I don't really know what this is but yeah, maybe it's just a silly crush", he mumbled the last part before heading back to the front of the camera to resume the video they were there to film, Carlos smiling knowingly that it wasn't a silly crush in the slightest.

Everything had been going well until Carlos car started releasing smoke, his panicked "No" ringing through the pitwall until they figured out what had happened, ending up with a DNF. Everyone turned to Charles as he seemed to hold his position very well, he had done no mistakes that could cost him the place drop and the strategies you had come up with with Xavier working brilliantly, "You cannot imagine what I'm doing with the pedals", Charles said through the radio and a quick look at the data showed that there may be something going on with the car but, unlike Carlos', Charles' car seemed to be able to handle the last three laps. Taking a breath in, you jotted your thoughts down on the notebook and showed them to Xavi as he transmitted them back to Charles. "Carlos is out which sucks, but I'll be damned if that red car is not the first one to cross that checkered flag", you mumbled to yourself, "one day, we're going to have a peaceful race, one day", you finished as you closed your eyes briefly before looking back t the data, Xavier and the rest not daring to tell you anything as they saw your focused face. "And P1!", Xavier's voice could be heard from space, you thought, as you turned and gave him a hug before Charles confessed how he was scared he was going to loose everything so close to the end, "See? This is what you get when you do as I say!", you screamed out of enthusiasm, forgetting that your finger was still opening the channel to Charles' radio, everyone else hissing at your voice volume. But you really didn't care, the adrenaline on your body not allowing you to do so, "I'm sorry Charles, I hope your eardrum is still intact after this! Amazing drive, well done! There were no flaws", you said after Xavier gestured you to, "again, sorry for the scream!".

You were in a phonecall with your mother when the drivers arrived back for the podium celebrations and when she was done congratulating you and the team you looked at one of the TVs already showing Lewis on the podium, making you run there so you could see Charles receive his P1 trophy, clapping enthusiastically until he noticed you, wetting your head with a good amount of the bottles' content.

You had been helping around the debrief when Charles joined back at the garage, "Y/N! Congratulations to you too!", he said as he neared you, hugging you while he lifted your body off the floor, "you were incredible too Charles! Seemless, absolutely seemless, we were just there backing you up, hopefully it's forward from here on!", you squealed as he finally put you down.

To say that you had fallen hard for the monégasque would be a simple truth. Who wouldn't, right? Especially with the time you spent together, wether it was at the factory, in the race weekends or the dinners the team arranged so everyone could be together outside of work environment. But, at the end, you were a race strategists trying to progress in your career and risking an unrequited confession that could affect your job and workplace was not something you were about to let on, no matter how giddy his contagious smile made you feel. "Loosen up Y/N, we're going to dinner tonight, the team booked a whole restaurant so you better dress your best because tonight, were celebrating". While Charles left, you stayed behind to work with some of the mechanics and engineers around Carlos' car, noticing already how some bits could be fixed now to prevent further damage until it could be handled properly back at the factory.

Arriving at the restaurant, you looked around before you found someone to bring you to the room where the team would have dinner, Charles and Carlos the first people by the door, "I'm not the last one, am I?", you said as you greeted them, "I was so focused back at the garage that I had to get ready quickly to be here on time", you said as you noticed that some people were missing, "Xavi is still getting ready I'm sure, he takes a lot of time", Carlos joked as Charles chuckled, turning slightly as he grabbed you a drink from the bar section, "this is really nice, here", he offered with a smile, "Thank you, to many more races with you and Carlos on the podium", you said as the three of you toasted, your eyes never leaving Charles' as you drank the liquid. You took your jacket off given the difference of temperatures in the room compared to the outside, "You have something in here, let me get it", Charles said trying to swat it away before realising it was on your skin, "Oh, I think it's the product they use for the stickers, it's better with a napkin", Charles said as he grabbed the napkin from the counter as he silently asked for permission before his paper covered hand cleaned the product out of your skin, "Thanks, Charles! I swear I showered before coming here", you chuckled, looking at the place the ink had stayed in your arm, "I'm sure you did, you smell really nice", the driver replied with a beautiful smile on his face, cheeks pink at his admission as you were saved by Carlos, "since I can't celebrate a race finish today, we celebrate the good strategy because it was on point this afternoon, thanks to Y/N over here, cheers!", he said as he toasted your glass with his once again.

"But everyone else who put on the hard tyre is having trouble and some have even come back to change it, I don't think this is a good idea, and he said he was okay with the medium", you said as you looked at the graphs on the screen in front of you and the notes you had taken about the teams that started struggling as soon as they changed into that tyre compound. And it was the last thing you wanted to hear when the rest of the team decided to still go with it, confident that they could change the results around. Huffing as you looked at the pit stop, you never wanted to be wrong like that exact moment, and since you were someone who liked to be right, it said something, but still accepting your place in the hierarchy. As Charles' car got back to the race, it was clear the pace was decreasing and since it had been consistent through the weekend, you had to bite your tongue as to not say something you might regret.

The look on Charles' face was terrible, and it made everything hurt inside you. He was doing so well that weekend up until the tyre decision and, when he looked at you in the pitwall, you shivered at his empty stare at you. You had been spending even more time together, especially during that weekend and the previous night you had even stayed behind in the hotel restaurant just the two of you as you talked about everything and anything.

The debrief was hard, questions being thrown around as everyone kept their interventions clean and polite, but anyone around could sense the tension in the room, and Carlos noticed how even Charles tapped his fingers on the table incessantly when you were speaking, his admission on how your voice helped calm him down seemingly gone.

After you referred some of the data you had gathered to the rest of the team, you were dismissed from the room as you were needed elsewhere and the race engineers wanted to talk to the drivers. "It's just that it makes no sense why you did it, but now we have the break and we can figure out a few more things after gettinb some rest", Charles said, "knowing Y/N, she's probably writing stuff at her laptop already", Xavi said as he scratched the back of his head, "she was right you know?", he said and Charles and Carlos looked at him, frowning at their race engineers, "she was the only one to say that you should keep the same compound, and at the time it didn't seem like the best idea, but in hindsight it's always clearer", he tempted before excusing himself.

You were sitting in one of the rooms when the door opened, revealing a very tired Charles, "Hey, may I come in?", he inquired with the best smile he could have put out there, "If you're coming in to punch me, can I tell you first how I bruise really easily? And how I'm taking this pretty hard too?", you tried to bring some humour to the situation, knowing that throwing a fit or crying wouldn't actually get it solved right now. Charles chuckled as he closed the door behind him, sitting in one of the chairs next to you, "So, tough day at the office today?", he began, trying to get you out of the bad mood, "yeah, and I'm sure you're even worse. Thank goodness we're going on summer break because I would be ruined if we had a race next weekend", you let out, eyes closed as you took a breather, "going anywhere special?", Charles asked as you looked back at him, "I'm planning on staying a few days in Ibiza, my friend is going to join me there later for a weekend too and then I'm back at the factory. You?", you asked him as you closed the notebook, "I'm doing Italy with some friends and Ibiza with my family too", he said before someone knocked on the door, saying they were doing to start tidying things, "you should come and spend a day with us", Charles smiled as he got up with you, winking cutely at you before making his way out of the room.

Part 2

#charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc fluff #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic

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bigdsgirl · 5 months

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hello, yes I am here and I am revved up. let's do episode 8:

Restarting where MIL beats down evil mom - pure bliss

"blatant favoritism to your child" -- okay pot meet kettle

HA SHE CALLED HER OUT!

I hate him I hate him I hate him - "as a family"

Me: I wonder if they are going to follow the webtoon, *sees the bar scene* oh yessssss

The dad making dinner to resolve things - oh sweet summer child

This man thinks he's so slick, when all they are doing is outing that he, evil mom and Yoo Ra are working together.

WAIT HE HAS FOOTAGE. OH MY--

Are you suggesting we watch it as a family? YES GRAB THE POPCORN

cAlled out - "it was 20 years ago" oh NOW HE WANNA SWEEP IT

I am personally not a fan of the "we told you to stop fighting" - seriously, one is EGGING THE OTHER ON.

Chairwoman said "we are doing this, old school" *succession theme song plays*

"I don't want to stress him out" - my ANGEL

the way he slightly opens the door to let her know that he's home GOOD BYE

THE HUG. THE SAFE SPACE.

he needs to make sure she eats I am losing it

"let's leave it alone" - yeah because we know who did it and it will make you even worse

I love Do Guk just beat down the ex -- truly brings me joy on this glorious Sunday

HAHAHAHH HE HAS THE FOOTAGE - threaten his ass

Turn in Yoo Ra - oh boy you are speaking my language

"when you mess with my wife" that's right, keep my wife's name out of your mouth!!!!!

Yi Joo - take those gloves off and slap them silly

the literal "oh the water tastes great" - nailed them heheheheh

Wait. Wait - they are eating together??? oh oh oh

Yi Joo in the stripped shirt is so effortless and gah i love her she is gorgeous

Jamie babe, please just say it (for those that's don't know please ignore)

AS FRIENDS *sobs*

wait! wait! what dish does she want to learn! is it for Do Guk?? PLS SAY YES.

The burn the burn yes, let's talk about it.

Love the massage chair moment - iconic

ohmy god is the food for the chairwoman??? IM CRYING she just wants a FAMILY

"the meals that Do Guk makes are so good I want more" - YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

oh the cut to a previous conversation, here we go. oh this is why she asked Yi Joo. and oh my gklajgfdkjag

"I spent my life building homes for other people. But I couldn't do it for my grandson" oh my GOD i am sOBBING

the JEAN SKIRT, Yi Joo I am just a baby bi, please don't do this to meeeeee *dies*

oh my god my heart is shattering - "Yi Joo is alive" the fact that she says that just makes me want to burn the world for her

ARSENIC??????? Oh I am ready to go to war; this is just awful.

Auntie is a spy and I love that for her. She is a blessing, I am so happy Yi Joo had someone in her corner, even if it was such a short period of time.

oh hey look. an article about a FIRE, HUH?

HOSTILE TAKE OVER LFGGGGGG!!!!!!!! Grandpa, you get +2 points

failed acquisition! yeet! truly music to my ears

Do Guk that shirt looks sooooooo good with your hair

BRO STOP PROTECTING YOO RA

HAHAHAH DO GUK JUST LOVES DROPPING THE MIC

sir - listen to your advisor, i bet you all my dollars she's right and you should be careful

oh here we go, i love this for the ex; get what is due. You deserve to feel like shit for eternity!

"order for me" babe, that's not enough

uh oh uh oh little sister is is bring troubleeeee

DO NA!!! I would do anything for this woman. her and Yi Joo have my heart

the rock music in the background, truly a baddie!!!!

YOO RA THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOUUUUUU -- too little to late good sir

"You volunteered to do this" oh this is sweet and I can't wait to see everything explode for all these shitty people (including you Yoo Ra hehehehe)

Oh we are getting the full apology here. hmm. hmm. still don't accept :) go to hell ya turn. AND YI JOO DESTROYED HIM - "these are my terms" - yes queen.

The board meeting; stupid men. And Do Guk; he game with RECEIPTS.

I just love this power couple so much. they are the light of my life.

this is me rn:

more important public opinion??? I knew it was going to be a serious about the construction work, but a tiny part of me was hoping for a photo of Yi Joo like:

again keep my wifes name out of your mf-ing mouth

Yoo Ra - the first thing you need to learn about revenge, you have to take care of your minions. this is very important

MIL THAT OUTFIT HOLY SHIT, she did not come to play

"please do not call me that, it's unpleasant" - I am WHEEEEZING

babe, Yoo Ra, you cannot say "he's the first guy I liked im sorry, i just went a little 🤪crazy 🤪" that will not work

oh ew, bringing business into this??? oh ma'am. oh now he's sick. hmm. HMMMM. I wonder why.

oh the "is it upsetting you?" MIL you are an angel and I thank you for caring for our Yi Joo.

hell yeah! throw the pills on the floor! someone grab them!

stonks are plummeting! ohhhhh noooooooo

aw shit the conservatorship oh nice, bribery. f u mister lawyer.

oh evil mom is scheming too - it's about to get spicyyyyy. oh no she gave him like.... 6 pills. oh that's not good.

OH YES YES YES ITS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now I can seeeeeeeeeeeeee my HALLOOOOOOOO

oh fuck that trailer is FIRE LETSS GOOO! (I spy a HUG!!!)

#perfect marriage revenge #kdrama #live blog #lb #pmr #heidi watches perfect marriage revenge

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justimagineok · 1 year

Text

2:30 series - drops of love 24 💌 🍼

2:30 drops of love masterlist

summary: overwhelmed oc

recommended song: stand and deliver by Patrick Droney

"Said I just wanna hold you

I don't really know if I can fix this, dear

Hate to see you hurting

No, you're not a burden

I volunteer

Won't drown in the river, I'll swim out to you

I'll stand and deliver, I'll carry you through

If you lose all the meaning of life, love, and truth

I'll stand and deliver, I'll show up for you"

Sunday morning, you and Haru went to the mall to buy clothes for yourself since your normal clothes don't fit anymore. After eating a delicious snack at Subway, you finally went shopping, but you didn't count on the group of elderly mothers in the store who stopped you to praise your pregnant belly. It was weird, to say the least. Not wanting to be rude, you jumped in, listening to all the advice they had to offer, and Haru couldn't help but notice how much you looked... out of place. You felt a mixture of curiosity, listening to all those questions and observations they made, about how many weeks you were, if you took vitamins, if you sunbathed, if you drank coffee, and if you drank tea, tea wasn't good for pregnant women either. They even asked if the baby's father was still present in your life or if you and Haru were a couple. It was a very strange situation.

You stopped feeling curiosity, giving way only to sadness. Sadness because all the advice they gave was useful, but if you had a mother present, it would be her role. Helping you with your domestic doubts, being a friendly ear for when you had more diverse feelings that even Jungkook wouldn't understand... it was her role. But you couldn't count on your mother. They didn't even know you were pregnant, and you wanted to leave it at that. And there was a limit to how many questions you could clear with Jungkook's mother before you felt like a burden. She was an angel of a person, but even then.. she wasn't her mother. Even though she was willing and present, she didn't have to have that responsibility to you. After 30 minutes of standing still, her feet started to swell even more, and Haru used that as an excuse to get rid of the mothers.

"Are you okay, Wild cat?" she asked, regretting the question as soon as it left her lips.

You nodded, making up an excuse to give up shopping and go home. Haru pretended to believe what you said, content to just walk you home in silence. She gave you time to get your thoughts in order on the way back to your house, but he couldn't help but notice the tears that fell from your eyes as you looked out the window. When arrived at your house, she offered to come in, but you declined, saying you were tired and going to sleep, even though it was only 10:30 am.

Jungkook heard the door open and ran to meet you, ready to help you with the bags and surprised that you didn't let him know you were coming, so he could meet you outside.

"hey, ther-", he stopped on his tracks when he saw you empty-handed and sniffing. "What happened? Where's your bags?", he walked towards you, noticing your trying to hide your tears from him. You were so tired of crying all the time, and that made you wanted to cry even harder. "Hey,", he held your chin, making you look at him and his heart broke seeing you cry. It wasn't the ordinary crying you used to have. He already knew how to differentiate when you were crying because of something ordinary like the day being too beautiful, or the rain making too much noise, or swollen feet from when you were sad. Really sad. "What happened, baby? Huh?", he pulled you in a hug as you started to sob in his arms. You grabbed tight the fabric of his shirt, trying to hold back your sobs, but it didn't work.

Jungkook patted your back gently, trying to comfort you. “Shh, shh, it’s okay.”, he whispered, holding you close.

“I’m getting your shirt wet…”, you said between sobs, and Jungkook held you even tighter.

“I don't mind, baby. Let it out.” he placed a hand in your hair, trying to calm you down.

“Tell me what you’re feeling and I’ll take care of it, YN. I'll fix it."

“I don’t know what to do– I can’t– I don't know what I'm doing, Kook.“

"What do you mean, babe?", he pulled back to look you in the eye and if it was back in the day, it would be now that you would run away, avoid the subject or make up an excuse not to talk about it. But you and Jungkook made a deal not to act like that anymore. You take a deep breath before you start talking so fast he can barely keep up.

"Everyone says something different! And I wouldn't mind, but all the women I meet when I go outside the door, all have different advice for me. The bump is like a magnet to them... I don't know who I'm supposed to listen to and I feel like I have no one to turn to when I feel these hormonal things, and I'm not saying I can't count on you, Kook. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Jungkook managed to see in your eyes, for a moment, the vision of a child who cries missing her mother when she takes too long to come to pick her up from school. You felt like you needed your mother, and that was something not even his love could fill. He felt pure hatred and contempt for your parents for being so bad at the most important job they had, but it only lasted a second before he turned his focus back to you.

"I got you", he held your hands between his. "I understand what you're saying", his voice almost broke, but he kept going. "You have me. And I understand what you mean by having no one to talk about these stuff, but you still have me. I know it's not enough, but you have me, and you're not alone.", you nodded as he kept talking. "You changed my life and gave me love when I had none to offer. I got your back and I would die and kill for you, and you know it's true, don't you?"

"Yes.", you agreed. You had no doubts about him. Jungkook had already proven more than once how much he loved you, and you had no doubt that he would die for you, because you would also die for him.

"Good. I'm your husband, your Kook, and you are my life. You and our baby.", he assured you, touching your belly. "I don't care if I'm enough or not, I'll show up for you, and I'm gonna keep loving you until you feel whole again. I'll keep loving you and showing you how much you mean to me until my dying day, so you can cry all you have to. I'll be here for you and I'll protect you. I just need you to know that I'm proud of you and that I got your back.", he pulled you in a hug again. "I got you, baby. And as for what others moms are saying: fuck them.", he shrugged, making you laugh.

"I'm serious. Of course advices are good and all, but we are the parents.", he pulled away again, looking at you. "You are the mother, and I'm the father, and it's up to us to decide what's best for our baby and for us and no one has nothing to do with that, right?", he waited for your confirmation.

"You're right, Kook.", you offered him a small smile.

"Good. We love this baby with our lives and with that, I have no doubts we can figure it out. I have been reading some stuff too, you know?", he bragged, trying to make you laugh.

"You are?", you frowned, making him laugh.

"Yep. Actually...", he let go of your hand to reach for the book on top of the couch. "Here," he handed the book to you, and you couldn't hold a loud laugh. It said: The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance (Owner's and Instruction Manual)

"Kook," you cracked up laughing, leafing through the book.

"What?", he was laughing too, happy to get a smile out of you, but a little miffed that you were laughing so hard at a book he was reading so hard. "A staff who's a father of 2 indicated to me. I'm almost finished", he showed you the bookmark near the end of the book. It wasn't quite a bookmark, but an empty skittles container. Typical Jungkook.

Even if you didn't have the support of your parents and that as much as you tried to deny it, it was something that was sorely missed, you weren't alone. Right in front of her was a man who loved you with all his heart and sincerity, and that already made all the difference. Screw what other people have to say, at the end of the day it was just you and Jungkook. And that's all you two needed to know.

Later that day you and Jungkook were lying in bed, the two of you using only a notebook to decide together how to decorate the baby's room, when you saw a link to the book he was reading earlier. And it was funnier and more unusual than you expected.

Jungkook really raised the standard too high just by existing.

"Even though you've been low

Well, darling

You got someone, keep your head up high"

#2:30 #drops of love #bts fic #jungkook x yn #jk x you #jk x reader #jk x y/n #dad jungkook #jk fanfic #jk x oc #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #fluff jungkook

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not-freyja · 7 months

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Linked Universe Big Bang 2023 Sing-up Sheet

I know I said this would be up by Sunday, but I figured no one would complain about being able to access it a few days early. The sign-up will be open from now until Saturday, November 11th. If anything in these forms make no sense to you, please do not hesitate to reach out.

Each form should take about 5-15 minutes depending on how detailed you want to get.

Author Sign-up:

Artist Sign-up:

Beta Reader Sign-up:

F.A.Q. under the cut:

What is the timeline again?

Here is the whole schedule post. But short version, sign-ups will close on November 11th, claims will be Saturday Nov. 18th and then everything will be posted on Saturday, January 27th.

What form do I fill out?

If you are going to write fic, click the author one. If you are going to make art, click the artist one. Beta readers, hit the Beta one. If you are going to be participating in more than one capacity, fill out a separate form for the separate ways you will participate. (EX: If you are going to write and also draw for someone else's fic, fill out both the artist and author forms).

Wait do you want my Tumblr or my email?

I want you to give me whatever method of contact information you have to give me. Tumblr, email, discord, whatever. Just give me at least one. My personal preference is tumblr, but I am not picky. I will work with you.

Why did you ask about potential archive warnings?

Because while I fully support the right of writers and artists to make art about whatever they damn well please, I don't want to match an author who is not comfortable with graphic violence with a fic that's just a beautiful gorey fight scene. This is not a moral judgement, I just want to respect everyone's boundaries and make sure we all have fun.

What are you going to do with the information I give you?

Your contact information will be given to your partner so that you guys can get to work on communicating and making beautiful fic/art. I will also use it to check in twice before posting to make sure everything is going well.

All other questions are to make sure the pairing / claims process goes as smoothly as possible for everyone.

How detailed do you want that fic summary?

That is frankly up to you. That blurb and working title is what I am going to be using to pitch your fic to the artists. After you two get in touch, then you can flesh out the details together. So if you think three words is enough to get an artist excited (EX: Ravio wielding Fi), then that will do. If you want to give a full 300 word book blurb, that's fine too.

What if I want to make fic for a different version of the Chain? Like Bonus Links or LinkedMaze?

You are one hundred percent more than welcome to do so! Just make sure that you include the fact that the fic is for a specific non-LU version of the boys in your summary when you fill out the form.

Wait! You forgot to tell us about X!

My bad! Send me a message, an ask, or reply to this post. Always happy to provide further clarification.

#LUBB2023 #sign-up sheet #linked universe #lu #lu fic #lu fanfiction #lu art #lu fanart #fandom evet

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persephonewritessometimes · 11 months

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me and the devil / unsub!hotch x reader / chapter four

Summary: Hotch gets called on a case and has no one to watch Jack. Y/N volunteers and finds herself as a babysitter for a few days. [exposition building!]

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x AFAB Reader

Word Count: 8141

Warnings: MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY, ANATOMY TERMINOLOGY, CHILD BIRTH [not too graphic but I will give a warning and a following summary for those who don't want to read it!], MENTIONS OF DEAD PARENT, MENTION OF BEING ABANDONED BY A PARENT one use of fuck, domestic!reader, jack is too cute for his own good

Key: y/n = your name

Author's Note: jesus fuck i'm so sorry i didn't get this out sooner!! finals wrecked my motivation and i hate plot buildingXD hopefully you guys enjoy, i've got some fun things planned for this story coming up!

me and the devil series masterlist

This work is meant for readers aged 18 and over. You are responsible for your own media consumption.

I got the call that my car had been repaired and was ready for me to pick up the morning after I made Hotch spend the night. We coordinated with Morgan to make sure all the cars got back to where they needed to go and I no longer had to rely on Hotch’s decommissioned SUV to get me places. I would lie if I say I don’t miss it though - I felt like a badass secret agent in that car. I ended up having to skip Morgan’s self-defense class on Saturday due to Tia having a boyfriend emergency, well, now an ex-boyfriend emergency, and because of that, I was busy all weekend. I promised Hotch I would go to the next one, knowing he’ll hold me to it.

I haven’t seen Hotch for over a week now, but he texted me and let me know that they had been called on a case halfway across the country so he doesn’t know when he’ll be back. I’m disappointed, but I know Hotch has to work just like everyone else. It’s a dull weekend at the club due to poor weather - I didn’t even want to go because it was so dreary. I go to bed early Sunday night, exhausted from work and school. My phone blares in my ear the next morning - someone’s calling me. What the hell? I’m disoriented, as I furrow through my blankets to find my phone, and when I finally get ahold of it, I see that it’s Hotch. It’s unusual for him to call me this early, and a glance at the clock tells me it’s just before 8:00 AM.

“Hello?” I say into the phone, voice scratchy from sleep.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry to ask you for this, but we just got called on another case and Jess is in California this week and I have no one to watch Jack. I’ll pay you well, I just need someone to watch him for a couple of days. I’m so sorry.” He’s rambling and it’s kind of amusing to hear his stoic facade disappear for a second.

“Hotch, slow down, it’s fine. I don’t mind watching Jack, I like kids.” I say, and I can hear him let out a sigh of relief.

“You just saved my life.”

“Well, if I’m counting right, that’s the second time I’ve saved your life,” I say, smiling.

“You’ve got me there. I’ll text you the address. Oh, and you can bring Cujo, Jack loves animals.” He hangs up the phone and a few seconds later my text tone chimes, and sure enough, he’s already sent me the address. I rub my eyes for a few seconds. I’m usually not awake at this ungodly hour. When I’ve collected myself a little bit and feel more coherent, I get out of bed, Cujo cocking his head as he looks at me, like he’s also confused as to why I’m up this early I laugh a little.

“It’s okay boy, we’re just gonna go stay somewhere else for a few days.” He huffs and puts his head back down. I grab the duffel bag from underneath my bed and throw in a couple of outfits and a pair of scrubs haphazardly. I pack up my toiletries in the bathroom and grab Cujo’s food and travel dishes from the kitchen. Thankfully I didn’t unpack my backpack after studying at the library yesterday, so I don’t have to worry about packing that as well. My clinical bag is also waiting by the door. I call Cujo to the front door and he whines but gets out of bed to join me. I slip him into his travel harness and leash before slinging my backpack over my shoulders and grabbing my overnight bag and clinical bag. I feel kind of stupid trying to lock my door with what feels like my entire apartment packed into my three bags. I slowly make my way down the stairs, mindful of the leash - I can see myself wiping out if I take one wrong move, and that would be embarrassing to have to explain to Hotch.

I get Cujo clipped in in the back seat and put my bags there too. I drive to Hotch’s house as quickly as the speed limit allows. He sounded so panicked over the phone and I know he thinks he’s inconveniencing me, but he’s letting me bring Cujo, so why would I be inconvenienced? I pull into his driveway right next to his SUV and get out of my car and wave hello to him as I go to get my stuff from the backseat. My backpack finds its way back onto my shoulders and I unlatch Cujo from his hook in the backseat and click the leash back on. He hops out of the car, surveying his new surroundings. I’m reaching to grab my duffel bag and clinical bag when a large hand grabs both of them before I can get to them.

“I’ve got them.” He says, chest very close to mine when I turn around and look up at him.

“Thanks,” I say breathlessly. I shut my car door and lock the car, following Hotch into the house.

“Jack’s at school right now, but the bus drops him off at 3:00 PM and picks him up at 7:50 AM. He does have the day off tomorrow, some kind of makeup snow day, and I was hoping to be here so I could spend it with him.” He trails off and I can tell that he’s embarrassed.

“Hotch, it’s okay, I don’t mind.”

“I already called the school so Jack knows you’re here. This isn’t really how I wanted you two to meet, but it’ll have to do.”

“How did you want us to meet?” His cheeks turn pink at my question and he deftly changes the subject.

“You have my number, call me if you need anything. I should be back late Wednesday night. Jack’s a sweetheart, so you should be fine.” I nod and he gives me a quick tour of the house, pointing out the guest bedroom, giving me a guide to the alarm system, and the garage door codes.

“One question.”

“Yes?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you a ‘no animals on the couch’ kind of person? Because that might be an issue.” He laughs, and says,

“Animals are welcome on the couch.”

“Good. Now get out of here, I know you have a flight to catch.” He hesitates, face torn, and I add quietly, “Hotch, it’s okay, I can do this, I want to do this. Go do your job - catch the bad guy.”

“I can’t thank you enough for doing this.” He presses a spare key in my hand, kisses my cheek, and is out of the door in minutes. I lock the door after him and slip the spare key next to my house key on my keyring. Hopefully, I won’t get them mixed up.

The house is very quiet now that Cujo and I are the only one’s here. I’m not usually a nosy person, but as the minutes drag on I feel the urge to explore the house getting stronger. I worry my lip for a few seconds, torn between respecting Hotch’s privacy and satisfying my curiosity, but I ultimately give in, padding around the house and checking it out with more attention. I steer clear of the master bedroom, having to set a boundary for myself, plus I know the room will smell like him - slightly minty with a hint of evergreen and something that’s just man, just him - and I know the smell would make what’s left of my rational thoughts flee my mind. I find my way into his study, the large mahogany desk imposing and clear of any papers. All the drawers are locked, but at least three hundred books are in the surrounding bookcases. I look at the titles, but most of them don’t catch my eye, just textbooks, studies, and other papers of that kind. What does catch my eye are the dozen Harlan Coben novels. I’m not much of a reader, what with school and work, but I used to read Harlan Coben novels when I had the time. I run my fingers over the spines, recognizing a few titles, but the majority are new to me. I chew on my lip debating if Hotch would care if I read one and conclude that he wouldn’t.

I pull The Innocent off of the shelf, tucking it under my arm and retreating from the office. I settle down on the plush couch, Cujo already asleep on it and open the book. I don’t put it down until a few hours later, and only because my stomach started rumbling. I dig around in my backpack for a piece of paper and tear off an edge, using it as a makeshift bookmark while I snoop in the kitchen. Hotch told me to help myself to anything, and this man splurges on his groceries. I finally settle on a DIY charcuterie board, having cut up a couple of types of cheese, some lunch meat, and fresh fruit. I grab my book from the couch and hold it open with one hand while I eat with the other. I’m sucked in - I can’t put the book down. I love mysteries and this one with an ex-convict as an accidental murderer has my full attention. I finish the book in the early afternoon and carefully place it back into its rightful spot in the study. I force myself to not pull another book down, knowing that I have to work on homework now.

“I’ll come back for you later,” I whisper to the books.

I check the time - I have two hours until Jack gets home, a perfect amount of time for me to get some homework done. I’m currently in my OBGYN rotation, and there’s so much information I need to know for my final, which is only two months from now. I lose myself in flashcards and textbook passages when I hear the unmistakable sound of a school bus. I scramble to get off the couch, having been buried in my papers. I walk towards the door and open it, leaning against the door frame as I watch Jack get off, wave bye to the bus driver, and run up the driveway with a huge smile on his face. I smile to myself as he gets closer and then slows down.

“Hi, Y/N! I’m so excited to meet you!” He says, out of breath.

“I’m excited to meet you too, Jack.” I move out of the way and he rushes inside. Cujo, having heard the commotion, hops off the couch and trots towards the small boy.

“YOU HAVE A DOG?” He exclaims, dropping his bag in the entryway as Cujo greets him with sniffing and wet kisses. Jack giggles when Cujo licks his cheek and he’s petting him eagerly.

“His name is Cujo, and it looks like he likes you!” I say, smiling.

“Well, I love him!” Jack pets him for a few more moments before saying, “Wait! I think I have a tennis ball in my room, can I play out back with him?”

“Of course!” Jack runs off to his room and I kiss Cujo on the head and whisper,

“Good boy.” Jack comes back seconds later and we head outside to the fenced-in backyard. Cujo sprints around the yard - we don’t have a space like this in my complex. Jack starts to play fetch with Cujo and his giggles every time Cujo drops the ball at his feet are infectious. I sit in one of the chairs on the back porch - the weather has taken a turn for the better today, the sun shining bright and the weather is actually kind of warm. I find myself lost in thought and think about this house. It’s beautiful, yes, but I would think it’s a show home due to the pristineness. The only giveaway that someone lives here is the family pictures. The air inside the house is stale, I noticed it as I was studying. As if there’s no life in the house.

“Jack, I’m gonna open some windows if that’s okay,” I call to him, “Does your dad ever open the windows?”

“Not really!”

“Well, I’ll open up a couple, get a nice cross breeze in here.” I head inside, always keeping an eye on Jack, and open some windows. They creak and groan from disuse, but even with just a few open the house feels more inviting. After about twenty minutes, Jack comes back inside, Cujo trailing behind him and I fix him a snack when he says he’s hungry. He’s watching me, and I’m watching him, both of us trying to look busy. He reminds me of his father - eyes always alert and watching for something.

“What do you do?”

“I’m a nursing student.”

“So you heal sick people.”

“Well, I try to.”

“That’s really cool! How do you know my dad?” I freeze a little bit, not sure what to tell him.

“We…met at a bar,” I fib a little, “He actually helped me get away from some bad guys.”

“Yeah, he’s cool like that,” Jack says with a smile.

“You got any homework?”

“Yeah. Math. It’s confusing though.”

“Want some help? I mostly do medication conversions these days, but I’m sure I could help a little bit.”

“Yeah!” He runs off to grab his backpack from the entryway and comes back to the kitchen table, pushing his bowl away and pulling out a paper. I glance at it, and luckily it’s something I do know - addition and subtraction. “Once I find the answer it makes sense, but sometimes I get confused on the subtraction. Especially the double digits.”

“Hmmm, let’s see here.” I watch him struggle with the first problem, not having enough fingers on his hands to get to the correct answer. “I have an idea.” I open a bunch of drawers until I find something I saw earlier. I pull out a jar of peanuts and open them. Jack laughs.

“What are you doing?”

“Just watch! Okay, look at the first problem, 12 - 5.” I dig out a handful of peanuts and put them on the table. “Okay, count out 12 peanuts.” Jack laughs a little but does it anyway. “Great, now if you were to take away 5 more peanuts, what would you have?” Jack grabs five of the peanuts and removes them from the pile. He counts them and shouts,

“Seven!”

“That’s right! Let’s do the next problem.” By the end of the worksheet, he’s got a better grasp on the idea, and in the last three problems he doesn’t even use the peanuts to solve the problems. “Good job!” I say and he holds out his hand for a high five. I smack it lightly, and he says,

“You have a weak high five.”

“Do you want a do-over?” I say.

“Yes!” I only hold back a little bit this time and he whoops when our hands meet. “Now that’s a high five!” He shakes his hand a little bit afterward, and I feel bad about it. “Do you have homework too?”

“Yes, my homework is never ending, it seems. But I graduate this semester, so no more homework after that!”

“Do you need help with your homework?”

I laugh a little, “I don’t know if my homework is appropriate for you, buddy. I’m learning about mommies and babies right now. Gross stuff.”

“Ew! I don’t want to look at that!” I laugh again.

“How about I put on a movie for you and I’ll do my homework while you watch it? Is Star Wars okay?”

“I love Star Wars!”

“Good! Let me get it in the DVD player. Which one do you want?”

“Return of the Jedi!”

“Good pick, that’s my favorite one.”

“You like Star Wars?” He looks at me with wide eyes.

“Of course! My dad used to watch them with me all the time.” I walk into the living room, grab ‘Return of the Jedi’ from the entertainment center, and put it in the DVD player. It takes me a few seconds to figure out how to get the TV on the right setting, but I eventually figure it out. Jack sits on the couch, and Cujo gets up on it as well, putting his head in his lap. I watch as Jack watches the movie, absentmindedly petting Cujo on the head, who’s fast asleep. I bury myself in my studies again, knowing I have about an hour and a half to do so.

I’ve gone through my flashcards so many times it feels like I can’t stuff any more information in my brain. I finally sigh and paperclip them back together and set them to the side. I turn my focus to the movie - Luke Skywalker has just turned himself in to be taken to Emperor Palpatine. I watch the rest of the movie with Jack and when it’s done, he looks at me and asks,

“What’s for dinner?”

“That’s a great question. What are you hungry for?” He thinks for a couple of seconds.

“Chicken nuggets?”

“Great pick. I’ll go get them in the oven.” I gather up my things and put them back in my backpack - Jack doesn’t need to see a diagram of a woman spread eagle and crowning, that might haunt him for years.

I’m in the kitchen getting dinner ready, also throwing some frozen french fries I found in the freezer on the sheet pan. I’ve just put them in the oven when I hear from behind me,

“Are you my dad’s girlfriend?” I blink a few times before turning to face him.

“Um, we’re just friends.”

“Do you want to be my dad’s girlfriend?” He asks, widening his eyes. Oh come on I haven’t even asked myself that question yet!

“I…don’t know,” I answer truthfully. I don’t want to lie to him again.

“Well, he likes you.” I can’t hide the surprise that flashes across my face. The curiosity to know exactly what Hotch has mentioned about me is too strong and I find myself asking,

“And how do you know that?” The words are out before I can stop myself.

“He told me he met a really pretty girl who makes him laugh. He said that you’re captivating and he can’t stop thinking about you.” My cheeks are boiling.

“He told you this?” Jack turns sheepish at that and shakes his head no.

“I overheard him talking to Uncle Rossi about it.”

“Oh, so you were eavesdropping?” I say with a smile and his indignation makes me laugh.

“No! I was just listening!”

“Mhmm.”

“I swear! Don’t tell him I told you, he doesn’t even know that I know.”

“I won’t tell him, I promise.”

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise,” I say, wrapping my pinky around his and squeezing tight. He sits down at the table and watches me as I cut up some fresh fruit.

“I like you. You’re nice. And you like Star Wars.”

“Thank you. I like you too, you’re fun to be around.” I say back and he smiles. It’s quiet until the oven timer goes off and I use an oven mitt to get the sheet pan out. I let it sit for a few minutes, knowing that if I plate the chicken nuggets and fries now, I’ll burn my mouth, and Jack probably will too. Jack is impatient as we wait for the nuggets to cool down, asking every few seconds if they’re ready yet. After dinner, Jack gets in the shower and I close up the windows, the air already feeling much better inside the house. I take Cujo outside to use the bathroom and clean up after him. When I come back inside Jack is out of the shower and in dinosaur-print pajamas.

“Oh, I like your pajamas!” I say with a smile and he grins up at me. “I have dinosaur pajamas too!” His eyes widen and his mouth drops open.

“You? Have dinosaur pajamas?” I chuckle at his dumbfounded expression.

“Yes, I have dinosaur pajamas. They’re actually in my bag right now, do you want to see them?” He nods furiously and follows me to the guest room. I dig them out and show them to him. Pink and purple stegosaurus, velociraptors, and triceratops cover the top and bottoms, and he laughs when he sees them.

“You have girl dinosaurs!”

“Hey! Boys can like pink and purple too!” He’s laughing at my pajamas and I can’t help but laugh too. “Come on, let's get you to bed,” I say and throw my pajamas on the guest bed. He grumbles but listens to me, and when I tuck him into bed he says,

“Thanks, Y/N. See you in the morning.” He yawns and rubs his eyes.

“Goodnight, Jack. I’ll see you in the morning!” I almost trip over a toy truck making my way back to the door of his room, and I shut off the light and shut the door behind me. Now it’s my turn for a shower. I shower with efficiency, wanting nothing more than to climb into bed. My thoughts wander as I do so, and I wonder how Hotch feels about having such an involved job while also having Jack. I think it would be hard. I get out of the shower and went through my skincare routine before I slip into my pajamas and get in bed.

Tuesday morning comes quickly, and thanks to Jack having the day off we get to sleep in for a little bit. He finally pulls me out of bed around 9:30, and I complain the entire time, which he just laughs at. I make us french toast for breakfast, which Jack fervently declares his love for, and then get dressed. I have one lecture today, Adult Health 4, and it’s at eleven.

“Jack, I know you don’t have school today, but I have school today, so here’s what we’re gonna do. You’re gonna come to class to me, but we’re going to bring your portable DVD player and bring a movie or two, as my class is two hours.”

“TWO HOURS?” He exclaims. “For one class?” I laugh.

“Yes, college isn’t really fun.”

“I bet!” We get ready and I make sure everything that I need is packed and we have Jack’s DVD player with a pair of headphones. He grabs A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, and we climb into my car. I make him sit in the backseat, as I don’t have a car seat for him and drive slowly to Stafford Hospital, where all of my classes are being held this semester. I park in the farthest lot, as is our rule since we are guests at the Hospital, and sling on my backpack. It’s unusually hot today, and sticky, and Jack starts to complain the moment his feet hit the asphalt.

“Y/N, please, will you carry me? It’s hoooot.” He whines.

“Jack, you’re six, I think you can walk.” He drags his feet and I concede. “Fine, come on. I hoist him up on my hip and he wraps his legs around me, resting his head in the crook of my shoulder. I want to curse but he’s being cute so I’ll let it slide. I wrap my arms around him, supporting him, and make the long trek to the hospital. Sweat is sliding down my temple when the doors slide open and I step inside. Jack sighs at the sudden cold air. “Think you can walk now, buddy?” He nods and I set him down, but he takes my hand as we make our way through the hospital and up to the second floor.

“It’s so bright in here!” Jack says, eyes wildly tracking all the people we pass. We make our way into the small lecture room, and I get Jack and me situated in two seats in the back corner.

“Y/N! Who’s your friend?” Jenna says, making her way over to us.

“I’m Jack!” Jack says with a grin, bouncing in his seat.

“Nice to meet you, Jack. I’m Jenna!” Jenna looks at me with raised eyebrows and mutters, “Do you have a kid we don’t know about?”

I chuckle, “No, he’s my…friend’s kid. I’m just watching him while his dad is out of town.”

“Well, you two must be really good friends,” Jenna says and winks at me, and my cheeks grow hot. Jack soon commandeers the attention of the whole class and he’s telling them all about playing fetch with Cujo yesterday. Dr. Pratt comes in shortly thereafter, and even she cannot resist Jack’s infectious energy. We start class ten minutes late because of it. I get Jack’s DVD player set up and his headphones plugged in and he’s contently watching Star Wars while I’m frantically taking notes on Dr. Pratt’s lecture and asking questions at every opportunity. Jack quietly asks for a snack about halfway through, and I’m glad that I keep a bag of Goldfish in my bag for emergencies. Thankfully, the pictures aren’t graphic today so I don’t have to worry about scarring Jack for the rest of his life. Class is over before I know it, and as everyone is packing up, I tell Jack I’ll be right back.

“Dr. Pratt?” I ask.

“Yes, Y/N? What can I do for you?”

“I’m really sorry about Jack. His dad didn’t have anyone else to watch him so I volunteered.” Dr. Pratt chuckles.

“Y/N, Jack was lovely, feel free to bring him again if you’d like. He was not a problem at all.” I let out a breath and thank her, making my way through the now almost empty room to pack my stuff up. Jack pauses his movie, yawns, and stretches, and I put his DVD player away.

“What do you say we get lunch, buddy?” I ask Jack as we make our way out of the hospital and into the humid air.

“Yes! Lunch lunch lunch!” He practically skips back to the car, I help him in, set my backpack in the passenger seat, get in the driver’s seat, and he’s suddenly quiet.

“Jack? You okay?” He looks shy as I glance back at him in the rearview mirror.

“Can we get McDonald’s?” He asks, his voice quiet.

“You know what, yeah, we can get McDonald’s!” He cheers and I smile to myself as I put the car in drive and make my way to the nearest McDonald’s. I get him a chicken nugget kid’s meal, as per his request, and I get my favorite meal from McDonald’s. Jack asked if we could get hot fudge sundaes, and I couldn’t resist, so those may have snuck into our order. By the time we’re done with lunch, it’s almost 2:00 PM, and Jack is falling asleep in his chair. “You need a nap?” I ask, and he furiously shakes his head no. I laugh, “Well, I think I need a nap, let’s get you home, okay?”

Sure enough, he falls asleep in the car on the drive home, not rousing as I gently carry him to his room. I run back to the car to get my backpack, not wanting it to get stolen from my car, and I put on a tank top and shorts, open a few windows, and take Cujo out back. I fall asleep in a plastic chair while sitting in the shade, and wake up when Jack shakes my arm.

“Y/N, wake up!”

“Huh? Oh, hi.” I say and rub my eyes. “What time is it?”

“Four o’clock!”

“Oh jeez, we slept for a long time!”

“Play legos with me, please?” I nod and stretch my stiff body as I get up from the chair. Jack drags his legos into the living room, we play for about an hour, Jack makes a Lego car, while I make a little house. My build looks shoddy and colorful, while Jack’s is more put together than mine.

The rest of the evening is quiet. I make dinner - frozen pizza this time - and afterward, Jack takes a shower, and I let him know the plan for tomorrow.

“So, you have to go back to school tomorrow.” Jack groans. “I know, it’s no fun. Your dad says the bus picks you up at 7:50, I’ll be up way before that, I have to go to clinical tomorrow so I have to get ready for that.” He looks confused.

“What’s clinical?”

“Oh! It’s hands-on learning. So I shadow a nurse in the hospital and they teach me the ropes. It’s really fun!”

“Cool!”

“Okay, so, I’ll see you off on the bus. My clinical gets out at 2:00, so I’ll be home before you get home.”

“Okay.” Jack yawns. I tuck him in.

“Goodnight, Jack.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.” This time when I leave, I make note of the toy truck so I don’t almost trip over it again. I take a quick shower after I lock the house up and close the windows. I lay out my scrubs for tomorrow, and make sure my clinical bag is packed and ready to go. I set my alarm for 6:30 AM, already dreading it, but I’m asleep soon after my head hits the pillow.

Wednesday morning is a blur. I’m frantically making breakfast, trying to eat it, let Cujo outside, then back inside, fill up his food dish and water dish, get Jack ready for school while also keeping an eye on the time, and by the time Jack gets on the bus I feel like I need a nap. I don’t have time for one though, as I’m out of the door by 8:00 AM.

-START OF CLINICAL DAY, THEREFORE MEDICAL TERMS AND CHILDBIRTH -

When I get to the hospital, I shuck my clinical bag over my shoulder and once again make the long trek from the back parking lot to the front entrance. The Labor and Delivery, or L&D, unit is on the third floor, and I swipe my badge to get in before I meet Dr. Anshaw in our meeting room. I’m shadowing Erin today, who’s a nurse practitioner and can deliver babies by herself if the need arises, and I get my shift change notes from her before meeting our patient in room seven.

“Angie? Is it okay if I bring in Y/N, my student nurse?” I hear Erin ask from inside the room as I patiently wait outside.

“Of course, bring as many students as you want!” Angie says with a laugh. I step into the room and introduce myself.

“Hello, Angie, my name is Y/N Y/L/N and I’m going to be your student nurse today. Can I please get your full name and date of birth?”

“Angie Lewis, January 8th, 1980.”

“Perfect,” I say as I check her wristband. “Do you know where you are right now?”

“Stafford Hospital. And it’s early spring.” She says, winking at me.

“You’re ahead of the game! On a scale of 1 to 10, one being no pain at all and ten being the worst pain you’ve felt in your life, where are you at right now?”

“Probably a six.”

“Erin, what stage is she in?” I ask as I turn to wash my hands in the sink on the wall.

“Almost to active labor. She was 5cm the last time I checked.”

“Angie, are we excited to meet the baby?” I ask and smile at her.

“So excited!”

“Are you a first-time mom?”

“Second time!”

“So this one will be a breeze!” I wink at her and she laughs.

“Well, hopefully, my husband won’t pass out this time!” I laugh at that.

“Happens a lot more than you think!” I pull on a pair of gloves and look to Erin for reassurance. “Is it okay if I check your cervix, to see how dilated you are?”

“Go right ahead, sweetie.” She gives me a soft smile and it eases my nerves a little bit. I check her cervix.

“Almost at six! You’re about to hit active labor!” I discard my gloves and wash my hands again as Erin double-checks and affirms what I felt.

“We’ll be back in a little bit, Angie. Hit the call button if you need us!” Erin says, and I trail her out the door. “Very nice, Y/N, she’s comfortable around you.” I get sheepish at that.

“I just like what I do, that’s all,” I say and shrug, and Erin smiles at me before saying,

“Don’t downplay your abilities. You’re already a wonderful nurse.” I help her with some charting in the break room and about an hour later I’m knocking on Angie’s door to see how she’s doing.

“Angie, how are we doing?” I’m met with the sound of controlled breathing - her husband is currently coaching her through a contraction. I’m washing my hands and pulling on gloves as they finish.

“I’m okay. Active labor hit about ten minutes ago I think. Contractions are stronger and closer together, the pressure in my back is killing me.” She says. “Richard, can you put my hair in a braid please?”

Her husband jumps to her aid, pulling a hair tie off of his wrist and holding it in between his teeth as he braids her hair. Once he’s done I ask Angie if I can check her cervix again.

“Seven centimeters, you are moving along quite quickly, Angie!”

“Thank god, I feel like I’ve been pregnant forever.” She lets out a breathless laugh.

“Are we wanting an epidural?” I ask, discarding my gloves and washing my hands again. Angie shakes her head no. “Erin and I will be in a half hour. Use your call light if you need us or change your mind about that epidural, okay?” She nods, relaxing back on the bed, in between contractions.

Thirty minutes fly by, and Erin checks in on Angie, her contractions are about four minutes apart still, and she’s only 8cm dilated. Another thirty minutes go by, and Angie is now 9cm dilated and feeling a lot of pressure in her back and butt.

“Y/N?” Angie asks, wiping her forehead. “Will you stay with me? I’d feel better if I had a nurse here. I have a feeling it’s going to happen soon.”

“Of course, I’ll stay with you,” I say, pulling up a chair. Angie begins to distract herself, telling me stories of her other child, Lily, who turns four in a couple of months. She stops when the contractions hit, then resumes her stories. They seem to calm her down, and Richard chimes in now and then. It’s not very long after before Angie says,

“I feel like I need to push.” I jump up, press the call light, wash my hands, and put gloves on. Erin walks in.

“Angie says she feels like she needs to push.” Erin nods, and now it’s her turn to wash her hands.

“Go ahead and check her, Y/N.” I do as she tells me.

“10cm dilated and fully effaced. I can feel baby’s head.” I say. Erin nods, grabbing the sterile towels and blankets, and setting them up before paging the doctor on call.

“Y/N, you want to take the lead on this one?” I blink at her in surprise. I’ve never coached a woman through birth on my own yet. Erin just looks at me and I nod, situating myself at the end of the bed. I’ll move when the doctor gets here.

“I want to push,” Angie says.

“Do you want the stirrups?” Angie nods, and I swing them out, helping her legs get situated. “Dad, come and help me here.” Richard jumps up, already assuming his position on Angie’s right leg. Erin is on the other leg. “Erin, when is Dr. Rawlins going to get here?”

“He’s not answering his pager.”

“Are there any other L&D doctors on call?” Erin pauses and shakes her head. “Well, it looks like it’s just you and me, Angie.” She nods. “When you feel a contraction come on, I want you to take a deep breath in and hold it, bear down, and push until I tell you to let up, okay?”

“Okay, one’s coming on now.”

“Let’s do this, Angie, deep breath in. Hold it. Okay, push, push, push. Good! Let up and take a little break.” We do this for a few minutes, and the baby is moving, slowly but surely. The baby starts to crown and Angie insists that she can’t do it. “Angie, you’ve got this. You’re a strong woman, you can do anything. Come on, deep breath in, hold it, bear down and push! Yes! Head is out, good job Angie! Bear down for me again, and push!” My hands are ready and as Angie’s baby is delivered, I catch her newborn in my hands, rubbing her with a towel as she opens up her mouth and cries as she joins the world. Erin’s already pulling part of Angie’s gown down and when her baby is relatively clean, I carefully place her on Angie’s exposed skin. The baby continues to cry, and Angie and Richard start to cry as well.

“You did good,” Erin whispers to me. A little while later the cord is cut by Richard, and the placenta is delivered, and that’s when Dr. Rawlins decides to show up. Dr. Rawlins is notorious for never being where you need him. Erin and I exchange a look as Dr. Rawlins assesses the situation, gives his good wishes to the happy parents, and leaves again. Typical. We get Angie situated to spend some time with her new baby. Angie thanks us both profusely. “Hey, don’t thank me, Y/N did all the work!” Erin says with a smile. I get shy.

“What are you going to name her?” I ask.

“Felicity.”

“That’s beautiful!” Angie gives me a tired smile and Erin and I take our leave after cleaning up.

“So, what did you think, taking the lead?” Erin asks, grinning at me.

“Can I curse?” She lets out a laugh and nods. “That was fucking awesome.”

“Good. I mean it - you did well. Now you’ll have an adrenaline high for the rest of the day!”

And she’s right, I feel great the rest of the day, and before I head back to Hotch’s house, I check in on Angie one last time.

“Hey, Angie, I’m heading out for the day. Thank you for giving me the chance to learn from you today.” I say quietly, taking note of Richard and Felicity passed out on the makeshift couch bed.

“No, thank you, Y/N. You kept me sane.” She grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Thank you.

-END OF CLINICAL DAY, NOTHING GRAPHIC AFTER THIS! tl;dr - Y/N helps a woman give birth and she thinks it's really cool! -

I head out to the parking lot and back to my car, getting home around 2:30, with plenty of time to shower before Jack gets off the bus. I strip off my scrubs and throw them in Hotch’s washer. I’m sure he won’t mind. I feel like an idiot trying to get it to work though, but I finally figure it out. I shower quickly, thinking back on my experience during clinical. I love shadowing Erin as she allows me a lot of freedom to interact with the patient, but getting to deliver a baby? That’s an adrenaline high I’m still trying to come off of. I step out of the shower, drying my hair some before slipping into my pajamas. I’m not going anywhere else today, I’m wiped. I let Cujo out back and wait for Jack to get off the bus. He’s right on time and sprints up the driveway to the front door, which I open for him.

“Y/N!” He shouts, as he drops his backpack and wraps his arms around me.

“Oh! Hey, Jack! How was school?”

“So much fun! We got to watch a movie today!”

“That’s so exciting!” He then looks at me and furrows his brow.

“Why are you in your pajamas already?” He asks, giggling.

“I already took my shower! I had a fun day at school too, and I needed to relax!”

“What did you do at school today?” He asks, eyes wide, and I chuckle at his comical face.

“I delivered a baby today!”

“GROOOOSSSSS!” He groans, running off to the back door to join Cujo outside. I smile to myself as I shut the front door and lock it. Jack is occupied by Cujo for the better part of an hour before he comes back inside and asks to play a game. We settle on Candyland, and the competition is cutthroat. I’m not going to lose just because I’m playing against a child. It was a close game, but Jack eventually won and gloated about it before stopping and asking for dinner. We do mac and cheese tonight. I cut up some fresh fruit while the noodles are boiling, and when it’s time to mix the mac and cheese, Jack asks to stir. I hold the pot so he can reach it and he furiously stirs the mac and cheese before letting me resume stirring it on the burner so the butter and cheese will actually melt and mix. We eat quietly, and before I know it it’s Jack’s bedtime. I tuck him in, and as I’m about to turn off the light, my phone chimes. It’s a text from Hotch.

“Jack, your dad will be back really late tonight!”

“Yay! I miss him.” Me too, buddy. Me too. I turn off the light and shut the door and head downstairs. I pull out my textbook and notes as I have a huge test next week and I want to do well on it. I’m so engrossed studying that when I check the time it’s already 10 PM. I hear the soft pad of feet that cannot be Cujo’s, as he’s already asleep on the couch. I turn and see Jack standing at the end of the couch and he yawns as he rubs his eyes.

“I had a nightmare and can’t fall back asleep.” He says softly.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, come and sit with me.” I peel my blanket off my lap and he wordlessly slides in right next to me. I tuck my arm around him. “Do you want to talk about it?” He shakes his head no. “Okay, well, you can sit here as long as you like.” Within twenty minutes, he’s snoring softly, head tucked against my chest. I continue to study, and I don’t remember falling asleep.

A hand on my knee gently shakes me awake. I blink open my eyes and find Jack sprawled across me, half in my lap, my hand resting on his head that’s resting on my chest and when my eyes finally adjust to the soft light on the side table light I find myself looking at Hotch.

“Oh! Hi!” I whisper, voice scratchy. “What time is it?”

“Three. Jack has certainly gotten comfortable with you.” He says with a soft smile.

“Nightmare. We didn’t intend to fall asleep.”

“I can tell that by the textbook that’s still open in your lap.” I give him a sheepish smile, and he helps me push back the blanket covering Jack and I. Jack’s at an awkward angle, one that Hotch can’t comfortably carry him in, so I get off the couch slowly, Jack never wakes up, just clings to me like a baby sloth, ankles locking around my back as I take him to his room and tuck him in. When I turn to make my way out of his bedroom, Hotch is watching me with a curious expression on his face, one that I can’t quite place. He quickly schools his face into neutrality, moving out of the doorframe so I can leave the room and shut the door behind me.

“Tough case?” I ask, trailing him back to the kitchen as he opens the fridge and grabs the rest of the fruit that Jack and I didn’t eat for dinner.

“Just long.” He says with a sigh, unceremoniously shoving fruit into his mouth. “I can’t thank you enough for watching Jack.”

“Oh please, you don’t have to thank me. I had fun. He’s a sweet kid.” Hotch smiles to himself. “He’s lucky to have you as a father.” I watch as pink colors his cheeks. He clears his throat,

“Y/N, it just occurred to me, and I’m so sorry I didn’t ask sooner, but, where is your family from? Do you have family around here?” I’m a little jolted by the sudden attention on me, but I answer his question anyway knowing that he’s just deflecting from my compliment.

“I don’t have any family around here. We’re from all over though, my baba and I never stayed in one place for too long.”

“Your baba?”

“Sorry, that’s what I call my dad.” I shrug, a little embarrassed.

“Where is your dad now?”

“I’m not sure. He was always away on business trips when I was little, so I had to fend for myself a lot. My mom died when I was three, never really had extended family, so it was just me and Baba.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t remember her, though my dad says I look like her.”

“Do you have pictures of your family?”

“That’s the weird part - I don’t have pictures of either of my parents. My dad hated them, never took them, and never wanted to be in them. Sometimes I feel myself forgetting what he looks like, but I know if I see him in a crowd I would still be able to recognize him. When my dad disappeared for good when I was fifteen, I didn’t have anything to remember him by.” I pick at my cuticles as I overexplain the situation.

“Oh. That’s horrible.”

“Eh, it’s okay. My gut tells me he’s still alive, but I don’t know if I want to see him again after all these years. There was always something about him, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. His name was Isaac Smith, but I knew that wasn’t his real name. It’s like he was hiding himself and his life from me. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever know who he really was.”

“Well, I hope you find out someday. You know, for closure.”

“Yeah, me too.” He regards me, studying the planes of my face, brows furrowed as though he’s trying to figure something out.

“When I first saw you, you reminded me of someone I know, but I can’t quite figure out who.” He shakes his head. “Oh well, maybe it’ll come to me.”

“Well, if you figure it out, let me know,” I say with a chuckle.

“Hey, why don’t we have Garcia do some research on you? Try and find out who your dad is?” I swallow hard and the movement doesn’t go unnoticed by him.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

He nods. “I respect that. But if you ever are ready, let me know, she’d happily do anything for you.”

“Thanks,” I say with a yawn.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I’m keeping you awake, aren’t I?”

“I don’t mind,” I say with a soft smile. “I delivered a baby today.” I don’t know why I want to tell him that, why I feel the urge to tell him everything about my life, but I’ll give into it anyway. His eyes widen.

“You delivered a baby?” I nod, grinning. “That’s so cool! Did you like it?”

“The adrenaline is like no other. It was a baby girl, the mom was so nice to me.”

“Of course she was, you’re like…like a shining beam of sun, lighting up wherever you go.” He says the last part quietly, not looking me in the eyes as if he wasn’t sure if he was going to say it or not. I feel my cheeks grow hot.

“Thank you,” I say thickly, and then yawn again.

“Okay, time for you to go to bed too, come on.” He says as he puts the fruit back in the fridge.

“What, are you gonna tuck me in?” I say with a mischievous grin.

“Only if I can read you a bedtime story.” He shoots back, mirroring my smile. I let out a soft laugh and he leaves me in the doorframe of the guest bedroom. “Thank you, Y/N. You saved my life this week.”

“Anytime, Hotch.”

“You can call me Aaron, you know.” I blink in surprise. “Hotch is fine, but you’re welcome to call me Aaron.”

“Okay…Aaron.”

chapter five - coming soon!

TAG LIST (want to be added? click here!): @iameternallylonely @morgthemagpie @mrs-ssa-hotch @angelmather1 @laubeck10 @rousethemouse @scarlett-jade3 @ssalinaprentiss @alexa-33 @ill-be-okay-soon-enough

#aaron hotchner #criminal minds #hotch x reader #hotch #hotch x y/n #hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #matd!hotch #meandthedevil!hotch

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brideofdiscord-rewritten · 9 months

Text

Bride of Discord Rewritten

Chapter 3: The Return

So far, the Gala was a success. Even the snobbiest of ponies were enjoying themselves. While Pinkie Pie kept the entertainment going, Rainbow Dash and Applejack were hanging with the young creatures of far and wide, who acted as transfer students to the ponyville school districts. They were eager to see them both. applejack slinging her arm around rainbow's withers, pulling her close as rainbow leaned her head onto the other's.

The rather snobbish ponies simple snickered at their best outfits from home. "Why, they are just like school on a Sunday! No class."

"I wanna be just like you!" they kept saying to either one or the other, oblivious.

"Aw, shucks," Applejack blushed.

"Think big, kids," Rainbow said. "With a lot of practice and guts, you can go anywhere!"

"Girls," Twilight interjected. "Have either of you seen Fluttershy? It's almost time for her performance."

"What, She weren't in her dressin' room?" Applejack asked.

"No, I checked."

"She's probably out in the garden. Ya know how she feels more comfortable round' the critters."

"relax guy, I've got this." Rainbow volunteered.

In the garden, rainbow began before she stopped herself. "hey hey hey! It's Raaainnnnbow da-!"

Indeed, Fluttershy was observed in the garden, surrounded by marigolds that made her face glow. warming up her voice, She was so nervous, she felt like it was going to crack. Even in that state, her voice was fine tuned Spanish guitar. EADGBE, her tuning. Her chords rattled and sent vibrations through Rainbow's chest and throat. She felt like she did when she flew, like nothing could ever be wrong again. Am, G, C, G, A. Ripples through clear northern waters. Am, G, Em, C, G, Am.

"Oh, what am I doing?" she muttered to herself. Her enchanting chords broke into radio crackles. "I can't go up in front of every pony and sing."

"Why not? We all know you're great."

She turned to see Rainbow Dash in her Wonderbolts uniform. She embraced her with a smile.

"I'm happy to see you."

"Really?" Rainbow asked. "Because the others told me that you haven't been very happy lately."

Fluttershy glanced down at her hooves. "Well, um…"

"They say it's because you keep having nightmares about Discord?"

She looked up at her with serious eyes. Her gentle baby blue eyes now cerulean in hue as she looked beyond her eyebrows, head lowered.

"It was different. In my dreams, he usually just holds me and laughs. That's what I dreamt he did last night, but this time, he was…" She shivered. "Stroked my mane.. with his talons, and I was powerless... All I worked for was nothing."

Rainbow put her hoof around her. She gave her a comforting squeeze. Her coat was glimmering Prussian blue. Just enough undercoat to have her a fluffy feel. Of course, she'd have it sheared had it not been very cold. The loose hair would fall off in her performance anyhow.

"Hey, it was just a dream. And in dreams, things don't mean diddly squat yo! I had a dream where I was rarity's cat , but I was orange. And I headbutted a table. WHATEVER! You'd be able to pound him to a pulp if it were real! You've got to hang loose. This is a party!" She pat Fluttershy's back. "Crap, That reminds me. It's time for your song."

"Oh, I don't really feel like singing…"

"Don't tell me you've still got stage fright! Come on, don't you remember how you helped us all with that hurricane?"

"Singing's different from flying."

"You're a great singer! You were able to sing that pet song with me."

"That was when I was only around you and the critters. But there are hundreds of ponies here, watching me and…"

"Don't worry. I'll be right there to support you. We all will."

Fluttershy gulped. "Okay."

"for real though, we need to hit the buffet. I'm so hungry..."

Fluttershy turned to rainbow. Her features more defined under solid jet black light.

"...how hungry?"

Discord was bored with the entire scene, though he had to admit this year's gala was much more interesting than last year's and the year before. Still, there just wasn't enough chaos! So to entertain himself, he pulled a few pranks on the posh ponies, like making a hare appear in the punch bowl, but he could not draw attention to himself until the time was right.

He chuckled as he watched the baby dragon attempt to attract attention from the older mare, rarity for a dance. Applejack did her best as his "wingmare," giving in only because it was adorable to witness his first crush. She remembered the feeling, and hey! What she would give to dance with rarity as well! Unfortunately for spike, only one of them got what they truly wished for.

He looked around the room and noticed that the little dragon Spike was attempting to get a dance with Rarity. He rolled his eyes. Give it up, kid. It's never going to happen. Though he had to admire his persistence. Meanwhile, that party pony Pinkie Pie was, rather consciously, making a show of herself.

"IM P TO THE INKIE TO THE P, THE I, THE E, and while I'm at it ponies, won't you be friends with me?! I'm PINKIELICIOUS!"

It was then that Twilight pulled the microphone away. With considerable effort. and Thank you! Discord silently said to himself. You finally do something right!

The princess tapped the mic, getting every pony's attention.

Ladies and gentlestallions, put your hooves together for the Grand Galloping Gala!"

A cheer erupted from the crowd. The children, in their higher pitch grated on the ears. The Lord of Chaos grunted. He didn't mind children, ones who caused annoyance for simple pleasure were especially entertaining. But why couldn't they just be born sounding like Maregan Freeman?!

"Well, there's more to come," Twilight continued. "We have a wide range of entertainment planned for you tonight, including an air show, full of daring dives and booms from the one and only esteemed Wonderbolts!"

The crowd stomped their hooves and the Wonderbolts flew up and bowed slightly. Discord simply yawned. I might as well do it now, he thought, but the alicorn kept talking.

"But first, we're going to hear a song from a very good friend of mine. Mares and gentle colts, the Element of Kindness herself: the illustrious, Fluttershy!"

Spike, a smaller onlooker, turned his head to see his crush's beautiful smile of perfect whites, only to witness her hooves intertwined with Applejack's, nuzzling her cheek as the workhorse clinked ciders with rainbow dash, and noogied her mane.

At that, at least he could still see her smile.

Oh, goody! The little wimpy pegasus is going to sing! This ought to be hilarious. Then he noticed the awestruck looks on the stallions. What are they staring at? Discord followed their gaze like a Lazer, laying his eyes upon the softest feather of a sight.

The yellow pegasus was walking nervously up to the mic. a flowing, nearly translucent green dress flowers off her figure like a waterfall, gentle as a breeze. It highlighted her round features like a butterfly wing, so delicate and fragile, yet poised and headstrong. with white daisies braided in her smooth baby pastel crimson mane. It was the first time in years that Discord had seen the Element of Kindness. His mirror did not do her justice. And she was…she was…

He shook the thought out of his head. How alluring her features were, so aware of that she'd have to be to captivate the mind in such a manner. She was a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Fluttershy looked out towards the audience and felt her hock and fetlocks buckling under the pressure. Then she noticed her five best friends and the Cutie Mark Crusaders in the front row, giving her assuring smiles. She glanced over at the pianist, who nodded and played her starting note. Her voice was weak at first.

"Can…any pony…" she cleared her throat, "find me…some pony to…?"

The music swelled gently, like the unfolding of wings. Her voice echoed through silver halls until it couldn't.

Her wings had to unfurl. She has to hover.

"LOVE."

Her wings sprung out, loose feathers flew as the piano matched their cue. The drums kicked to the lighted as they burst into a purple blaze.

"Each morning I get up I die a little

Can barely stand on my hooves,…"

The backup began,

"take a look at yourself!"

"Take a look in the mirror and cry

Lord, why do what you do?!

I have spent all my years in believing you

But I just can't get no relief, Lord!

Some pony…"

"Some pony!"

Fluttershy started to smile. "Some pony…"

"Some pony!" sang her friends.

"Can any pony find me…some pony to love?"

The ponies stomped their hooves to the beat as it banged through the auditorium, and cheered. Fluttershy blushed.

From her great chest rose the shaking of the halls, as she belted out her every thought.

"Got no feel, I got no rhythm

I just keep losing my beat…"

The audience, "She just keeps losing her beat!"

"I'm okay, I'm alright."

"She's alright, she's alright!"

"Ain't gonna face no defeat!

I just gotta get out of this prison cell!

One day I'm gonna be free, Lord!

Some pony…"

"Some pony!"

"Some pony…"

"Some pony!"

"Can any pony find me…?" Fluttershy pulled the mic off the stand. "Some pony to love?!"

A wide grin spread across her face as she continued singing. Soon the audience was nothing but background vocals and loud cheers, just instrumental, as she was lost in a world of her own. In the spur of the moment, she flew high into the air. She soared, she face stretched to fit the sheer emotion she could never express.

"She works hard!"

"Every day…"

"Every day!"

"I try and I try and I try!

But every pony wants to put me down

They say I'm going crazy

They say I got a lot of water in my brain

Got no common sense

I got no pony left to believe!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!"

Discord watched her performance in astonishment. Was this the same pegasus he had met in the labyrinth? Was this the same pegasus who ran at the sight of butterflies? Who hardly ever uttered an audible word? Was this pony singing in that strong, confident voice, spinning circles in the air, shining in the spotlight, really the 'weak and helpless' Fluttershy? How her wings beat to the rhythm, her thin skin distorted to give way to raw, unadulterated enjoyment, and yearning...

He watched as she danced during the interlude. Every move she made was delicate and graceful, not a single flaw present. She was a ballerina, somehow performing a lone Pas De Deaux, she was Odette, fragile swan, somehow utilizing every muscle and sinew to create a powerful pose every second, balancing everything on her seemingly delicate frame. It made him sick.

"Find her some pony to love…"

As they repeated the line, Fluttershy kept twirling in the air, forgetting all her troubles. Nothing in that moment mattered but the wind in her coat.

Then she felt something grab her hoof and spin her around, but she was so lost she thought nothing of it. She did not even hear the screams from the ponies. It was after her mysterious partner had dipped her that Fluttershy opened her eyes and her smile disappeared, replaced with agony.

Standing over her, holding her in his arms, was the very object of her nightmares.

"My dear Fluttershy, I had no idea you had such a lovely voice!"

She was frozen in place and had lost all knowledge of speech. She could not even scream. A cry from a familiar voice broke her out of her trance.

"Get off of her!"

Rainbow Dash bolted from her personal area betwixt applejack and rarity, cut between them and protectively moved her friend behind her.

"What?" the draconequus shrugged innocently. "We were only dancing."

"Discord," Twilight growled between her teeth.

"Ah, Twilight Sparkle. Or should I say your highness? Surprised to see me? Well, it certainly has been a while since last we met. Sorry I didn't send you a postcard." He glanced down at the fillies onstage. "Well, if it isn't my three little saviors!"

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle hid behind their sisters, while Scootaloo sought protection from the closest adult, Pinkie.

Rainbow interjected, "don't change the subject! It ain't Saturday night, and you sure as hell ain't getting feverish! Now what do ya want?!"

"I thought it was obvious. I've come to take over Equestria!"

The crowd gasped. The children cowered in fear and huddled around Applejack, with rarity in hoof, as they assumed a battle stance."

"Ha!" Twilight smirked. "You should have stayed in hiding, Discord! Now that you've revealed yourself, we can turn you to stone!"

"Oh, really?" Discord said. "As I recall, you need the Elements of Harmony for that."

"Yes! Exact…" She then looked around at her friends and realized that they weren't wearing their necklaces. How foolish they were to ever take them off! That maniac wanted this! He was planning this whole damn charade!

But she stood defiantly. "We don't need the Elements of Harmony to teach you a lesson!"

Light enveloped Twilight's horn as she prepared a spell. Discord raised an eyebrow.

"You're kidding, right?"

She shot a purple beam; He swatted it away as if it were a housefly. It bounced onto a nearby Greek column and burst it into pebbles.

"You really think that's going to stop me? Have you forgotten?"

He then snapped his eagle talons and Twilight's horn disappeared.

"Hey!" she cried. "Give that back!"

"Really, Twilight Sparkle? Are you as big a stick in the mud as Celestia? Truly, you should know how to party at this point!"

He snapped his fingers again and a puddle of mud appeared beneath the alicorn's hooves. Pinkie Pie snickered.

"Stick in the mud! That's funny!"

Twilight groaned and used her wings to pull herself out. "Just you wait until Princess Celestia gets back! She'll give you your just desserts! She might even use you as a PARTY PLATTER!"

Discord clutched his stomach as he laughed. "What's the matter, Twilight? Can't run a kingdom by yourself? You need big sissy Celestia to come and make everything all better?"

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash belted. "Lay off it!"

Discord only smirked and squeezed fluttershy in response, earning him a pained yelp.

Rainbow had enough. "THATS IT! say goodbye to ya kneecaps, CHUCKLEHEAD!"

She charged toward him, but he only had to step off to the side to dodge her. Rainbow hit a pillar, almost causing it to fall. She swerved in a roundabout manner, shaking off the dizzy sight and once more flying towards him, contorting her body to kick him. He teleported her with a snap, off to the floor where she simply poofed, and stood there, before trying to steal a weapon from the royal gaurds.

"Have you ponies learnt nothing from our last encounter?" He cackled. "You even thought I was gone for good!" He looked towards Fluttershy. "Except for you, my dear."

The pegasus was stunned. She winced with every move. "How…how did you…?"

She tensed as he took her chin in his claw and said lowly, "I've been watching you."

"You touch her one more time and you're gonna get it, Dipcord!"

He held up his hands. "Very well. I have other things to attend to anyway." He turned to Twilight. "I'm afraid Celestia won't be able to help you, given her current predicament in," he used air quotes, "Saddle Arabia."

The duchess tilted her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

He chuckled and snapped his fingers, causing an image to materialize. The crowd gasped as they saw Princesses Celestia, Luna and Cadence sitting in a cage, their horns missing from their heads in what seemed to be real time upon a cloud screen. Shining Armor narrowed his eyes at Discord and hissed.

"What have you done with my wife you MANIAC?!"

"She's perfectly fine, I assure you. So is her foal, by the way, though it would be a shame if something were to happen to her mother before her birth."

The prince's eyes widened. He looked at the floor as he seemed to momentarily forget the threats being made against his wife and unborn filly. "Her? A filly?"

"Yes, you're having a girl! Congratulations and blah, blah, blah!"

"If you lay a... WHATEVER THAT TINY THING IS ON YOUR PAW on MY Cadence…!"

Discord snapped the image away. "Wouldn't dream of it, but if any of you ponies even try to defeat me in any way, your princesses will never see the light of day again!"

In a flash, he was wearing a tie and standing in front of a map of Equestria.

"Now for the weather! Today's forecast is cotton candy cloudy with a chance of chocolate milk! You know what? Might even be raining cats and dogs! Hope every pony gets home safely!"

With a final triumphant laugh, the draconequus disappeared and lightening struck indoors. The crowd glanced outside as it started to rain chocolate cats and dogs. Every pony screamed and ran out of the ballroom in panic.

Pinkie and rarity stuttered, "what, like, he's just gonna leave? Didn't actually hurt anypony??"

Applejack held spike. "Dang, he just quit?"

Rainbow dash spat venom in his general direction, "yeah, I dare ya, rage quit. C'mon, make us both happy!"

"Every pony!" Twilight commanded. "Calm down! Everything is under control!"

No pony listened to their duchess and they started flocking outside.

"Keep it together! Stay inside until further notice! I…"

But the crowd took their chances and hurried home through the chocolate storm. Even the Wonderbolts dashed out of there, retreating above the clouds to perceived safety. Only the students, Shining Armor, the palace guards, the princess and her friends remained.

"Applejack, Rainbow Dash!" Twilight shouted. "Get the students down to the cellar! They can stay there until the storm blows over. It's not safe for them to return to the flimsy school."

"Copy that," Rainbow saluted as she and Applejack began escorting the frightened fillies and colts out.

"Fluttershy, you keep an eye on Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Don't let them out of your sight."

The pegasus nodded. She was scared out of her wits, but she was willing to protect those three at all costs.

"I'll round up the guards to help all the citizens of Canterlot get inside," Shining Armor volunteered. He looked hollow, yet terrified, like his thoughts raced.

As every pony set on their tasks, Twilight hung her head. How could she have let this happen? Equestria was in peril because she had not been prepared. Even if she did have the Elements of Harmony, she could not power them without her horn. She let her mind wander into dark corners.

"Good idea, Shining Armor," Twilight said. "We'll rendezvous in the throne room in an hour! The most important thing to do now is to keep calm!"

Pinkie pie looked introspectively out the window, resting her hoof on the foggy glass. The dimmed light shot up as she spoke, and her face bathed in shadow.

"chocolate rain. Some stay dry.... And others feel the pain..."

Some princess I've turned out to be.

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