#because thats something ive only realized recently

[xiaosonlybeloved]

Not meant to be~ Rin Itoshi

featuring:- Rin Itoshi, fem!reader, _________ warnings:- aftermath of argument, accident, good ol' truck kun, angst, hurt/no comfort, hurt/comfort, some mentions of blood a/n:- omg here its finally here, my first blue lock fic, ngl im scared of the response since ive only written for genshin before but oh well-

I guess i have to thank @damyoujackson, my irl bff for helping me write this( honestly i couldnt figure out how the hell to start the fic, she helped me with that and it somehow turned into her helping me in three-fourth of the fic) i actually have another fic planned to (on my own merit) but ill wait for my exams to get over

word count:- 2k

masterlist

Raised voices. Angry tears. That’s all you could remember. Rin’s cold, emotionless face when he told you to go. Go wherever the hell you wanted. Because he. Didn’t. Care. The way you stormed out of the apartment, hot tears streaming down your cheeks.

His face flashed before your eyes again. You remembered the face you both hate and love now. You remember all the heartbreak he’s been causing you recently. You remember Rin Itoshi.

*******

You get into the taxi you booked to go to Isagi’s house. You’d already planned to visit him and Bachira anyways. Now, maybe if you were lucky, they’d let you stay the night over. There is a strange scent in the car but you can’t put a finger on it. 

You take a few deep breaths. Once you’re sufficiently calmed down, you take out your phone and block Rin. Everywhere. His socials. His phone, his chat. Everything. Right now, all you really want is to distance yourself and your aching heart from Rin. Because it hurt. Staying with him, loving him, hurt. A fresh tear rolled down your face as the car sped onto the highway after around ten minutes.

And thats when the chills ran down your spine.

Something was wrong, you realized. Something wasn’t righ-

*******

It happened in an instant, too quick for you to comprehend.

As you felt the warm liquid trickling down your face, you recognise the strong scent of wine that filled the whole car, emanating from the driver, and the smell of your own blood.

The next instant, it all went black.

~◍~

Rin’s call goes to voicemail for the tenth time. His messages are still undelivered. It’s been ten minutes, and Rin can’t help but feel uneasy, feel like something was wrong.

He shook his head. Who was he even kidding. Of course things were wrong. And he was the reason why. He was the who’d lost his temper, yelled at you to get lost, refused to apologise even though none of it was your fault; you were only trying to look out for him after all. Regret settled in the pit of his stomach, and he didn’t like it one bit. He didn’t mean any of that, he really didn’t, it all slipped out in the heat of the moment because of his pride. You were the reason his life was worth living, and all he wanted right now was you back in his arms safe and sound.

He couldn’t stand the silence that pervaded the room anymore. He wanted to see you. Make sure you were alright, even if you were hurting inside because of him

His keys jingled as he locked the door behind him and hurried to his car.

*******

As Rin sped towards Isagi’s place, figuring that’s where you went since you had already planned to go, he felt something like dread seep into him, although he didn’t know why. Goosebumps rose on his skin as he drove onto the highway, and the reason for it was visible in the form of a crowd gathered around what seemed like a truck collided into a taxi. His sense of foreboding increased.

As he neared the crash site, the first thing he saw was blood seeping out of the shattered windows of the car. He frowned as he slowed down, seeing the flashing lights and wailing sirens of the ambulance making its way towards the crash. Finally, he saw the limp bodies, presumably of the drivers and a passenger.

His car screeched to a halt as he froze, seeing a nurse lift up one of the limp bodies to hurry them into the ambulance.

He saw your limp body being hauled into the ambulance.

*******

Rin silently sat in the ambulance, staring at what he’d done. The nurse who was working to bring you into a stable condition gave him a look of pity. Pity. That’s probably why the nurse had allowed him to get into the ambulance with you. 

He couldn’t fathom it. 

It was his fault. If he hadn’t yelled at you like that, you wouldn’t have left. If he had just dropped you off, you wouldn’t have gotten injured.

Rin knew. He knew he’d broken the promise he’d passionately made you when you two started dating- that he’d keep you safe.

For the first time in years, a tear slipped out of the corner of his eyes, then another. Not a single sound. Just the tears silently streaking Rin’s face.

He’d messed up. Real bad.

~◍~

There you were, lying unconscious on the bed. You always looked so peaceful asleep. Not like you had been all those wakeful, sleepless nights with him recently.

He caressed your face, like he had done so many times before. By this point, he had all the contours of your face memorised. He had lost you. He knew that. He knew you were in a coma, but who knew how long you’d be gone? Rin felt a lump rise in his throat. 

Why?

Why had it been you? Why not anyone else? Why you? You had never done anything to deserve this, if anything, he was the one who deserved this. Unable to bear the sight of you, hurt because of him ,anymore, he got up hastily and walked away, gently closing the hospital door behind him.

“Why were you with her?” Rin heard a voice say, one that grated on his nerves. His jaw set, he turned around to see him. “What do you mean? She’s my girlfriend, she’s the one I love, and she’s hurt. Shouldn’t I be with her?” Rin spoke, the anger on seeing him seeping into his voice. What right did he have to interfere with Rin’s life? He saw a scowl spread across the face of the man in front of him. “No, Rin, you’ve lost the right to. You’re the reason why she’s here. You’re the one who hurt her. Do you really think she’d want to see you after all of this? No, Rin. Not when you’re the reason why she’s… she’s…” His voice cracks, his incomplete sentence hanging tensely in the air.

And Rin watched, eyes wide, as a tear slipped out of his eyes. Sure, Rin crying was one thing. But him? Not when he knew that emotions didn’t come easy to either of them. He must care about her a lot too. It caused an ugly feeling to bubble in his chest.

“Stay away, she’s mine. You have no right to be here.” Rin snapped, causing him to retort. “I have no right? I have no right? Look who’s freaking talking.”

“She was yours, Rin. She was yours. Not anymore.”

“You’ve lost her now.”

~◍~

White, white everywhere. Your eyes stung ike tehy did every time Rin made you cry. You sat up and the world spun. You saw a hand on yours. Rin? His touch felt a bit different, but the eyes you caught with yours were ones you would never get tired of losing yourself staring into. And yet, as the world gradually came into focus, you saw that no, it wasn’t Rin after all. It was him.

“How are you?” He softly asked. Those three words lingered in the air between you two, echoing in your mind. So long. It had been so long since you’d heard those three simple words. How laughable.

You didn’t respond for a while. You just couldn’t.. He didn’t press it either. The silence which fell between you two was in fact, comfortable. Certainly not like the tense, angry silences that fell ever so often between you and Rin recently after unresolved conflicts. They had been cold and unforgiving, just like how Rin had become.

Eventually you tried to speak, and found you couldn’t. Seeing this, he immediately grabbed a glass of water from the bedside stand and gently held it to your lips as you drank, one hand supporting your back.

This felt new. But it didn’t feel wrong. It felt warm and comforting.

“I… don’t know.” You responded to his earlier question. He simply set down the glass, took both of your hands in his, and squeezed them softly. “I’ll be here. It’ll be fine soon.” There was a silent promise in his quiet voice. That he’d stay with you.

Unlike Rin.

No wonder this felt comforting. This was the kind of support and comfort you’d been longing for from ages. You missed this feeling.

~◍~

Months had passed since that accident, and you had fully recovered, with no permanent damage. You had completely broken off things with Rin. It wasn’t because of the accident. You were simply too tired. It hurt. It hurt too much for you to be able to continue your relationship with him anymore.

It hurt you to admit it, but life had actually become brighter after you’d broken up with Rin. So you tried your best to get over him, build yourself a happier life.

‘It seems to be working,’ you thought to yourself, shoulders feeling considerably lighter, a spring in your step, on your way to meet him at the cafe.

~◍~

Years had passed. Old wounds were healed, both figuratively and literally. You’d found someone new. Someone who’d gently held your broken heart as he helped you repair it. Someone who you couldn’t help but love with everything in you. Someone who’d stayed with you through thick and thin. Someone you loved more than you had loved Rin.

Funny. Honestly, you barely remembered Rin anymore. Not when you’d found someone better.

~◍~

Rin was miserable, to say the least. He’d barely been able to focus on anything, throwing himself into soccer in entirety. Because if he didn’t, if he let his mind wander, regret and guilt would consume him whole, and his mind would return to the last time he’d seen you. When you’d softly told him that you couldn’t do this anymore. Not with him. When you’d broken up with him, wishing him all the best for his career.

Forget it. Even though you were a big part of his life, the only option he found was to try and forget you, no matter how impossible it seemed. It was the only way he could focus on soccer.

And yet, as he lay alone under the covers of his cold bed at night, body aching from exhaustion, he couldn’t hold back his intense longing for you to be back in his arms.

In the dead of night, he couldn’t deny just how much he missed you. In the dead of night, he couldn’t deny how much he wished everything was back to the way it used to be back then.

In the dead of night, he couldn’t deny that he would always remember you, no matter how much he tried to forget you.

~◍~

Rin stood there, face blank, numbness seeping through his body, as excited loud chatter surrounded him.

This couldn’t be happening.

He knew he should have been happy for you. But somehow, he was unable to.

You looked radiant and stunning as you walked down the aisle. The joy was more than evident in the way you carried yourself, a bright smile on your face as your gaze landed on him.

He couldn’t help but feel incredibly envious of the man standing in wait for you at the altar, a matching smile lighting up his usually emotionless face. Your to-be husband. As much as it shattered his heart, Rin knew that he hadn’t treated you well, that he wasn’t the one for you. That you were happy.

But it still hurt.

It hurt like hell when you both said ‘Yes’ without hesitation, when you both slipped your rings onto each other’s fingers, when the crowd around burst into rapturous applause as the two of you sealed your relationship.

Because the lips you kissed, the eyes you stared into, the hands you held, and the man you loved. It wasn’t him. It would never be him.

It was Sae Itoshi, the only one you remembered.

ngl i loved this

#skylia's works #blue lock #rin itoshi #itoshi rin #rin itoshi x reader #rin x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk #blue lock fanfics #blue lock oneshots #bllks oneshots #bllk rin itoshi #blue lock angst #bllk angst #bllk hurt/no comfort #bllk hurt/comfort #sae itoshi #itoshi sae #sae itoshi x reader #sae x reader #itoshi rin x reader #itoshi sae x reader

[cleromancy]

oracle year one born of hope from batman chronicles #5 (published 1996) is hands down the best defridging story ive ever read for a lot of reasons--the first being just that its such a damn good comic in the first place. but every time i read it im so struck by the way it reframes the casual *incidental* violence done to barbara in TKJ, where she's just an obstacle in the joker's way to get to jim (to get to batman) and it's not *about* her. on the very second page of OYO we have this:

the entire page (...minus bruce in the bg up there) is drawn from barbaras point of view while she recounts the incident from her hospital bed. literally recentering her and her perspective, her experience and her feelings. where TKJ sensationalizes and sexualizes the violence done to her we see an illustration of her choice--love for her father, "don't get up"--then the shock and pain of the injury, then the operating room.

and she opened the story with "i cant believe i was such an idiot," berating herself for not looking through the peephole or using the chain on the door before she opened it, emphasizing that she knew better, and its a very human response to being the victim of something like this--almost fixating on a small mistake you made. inside the story its about the grief and the sense of control bargaining gives you--"if only i had--!" and then on the meta level its actually addressing the "well why DIDNT barbara look through the peephole???" (<- the answer being that TKJ never considered whether or not she would have, bc that was less important to the story than hurting her.)

and the next page. god. its masterful:

the balance of OYO being a response to TKJ on a meta level and the genuine story-level exploration of barbaras feelings just in the first 3 pages alone... chefs kiss. the way it addresses the previous bullshit storytelling choices--but builds something new off of them, because that shouldn't be the end of barbaras story.

and its so fantastic bc it doesn't shy away from barbaras ugly feelings...

she's so angry and she's allowed to be. and thats also what makes it such a good defridging--that its a resonant portrayal of becoming disabled. anger, grief, humiliation, shame, fear, the absolute *slog* that is recovery, the realization that your independence has been compromised... it really reckons with what this means for her in that moment and moving forward.

just posting this one bc i love her...

and the crux of the story is barbara taking control back over her life, barbara not feeling helpless anymore. its a superhero origin story to its core and its fantastic at what it does.

and i mean... i do always feel iffy about this part:

the juxtaposition of her wanting to do this without batmans help with her, well, unknowingly accepting bruces help. makes seesaw motion with hand. i always feel like its a bit of a weak spot... i like elements of it, particularly *because* this work is addressing so much of TKJs bullshit; this is making bruce actually care about barbaras injury because fuck you he *should* care, he *should* do something. and barbaras need for independence and her struggles to accept help are pretty central to her character and in a story about disability... i mean interdependence is a core tenant of disability rights activism, no man is an island and all that. but btwn it being bruce who finds richard dragon for her to train with, and richard dragon both being yknow a man and not a wheelchair user himself, it falls flat. which is really something you notice bc the rest of the story is so damn good... its hard for me to put my finger on exactly what i think they should've done instead, bc they only had 18 pages for this story and like. it's incredibly tight, not a panel wasted, so it *was* important that barbaras teacher be someone we the reader already know, and there was no *time* to establish some other way for barbara to find someone of richard fucking dragons caliber on her own without bruces connections.

but that i guess does bring me to. the other thing i find frustrating re: OYO which is just that it's. 18 pages collected with two other stories, neither of which is memorable... i mean how many other year ones of a heavy hitter like barbara freakin gordon can you think of with less than a single full issue? and batgirl year one had 9 issues (9 mediocre, mediocre issues). i dont think OYO needed that much time (but hey neither did fucking bgyo)... but come on. come on!!!!!!

anyway whatever. oracle sweep

#dc #text #note for the record that like #barbara had already been doing oracle stuff all the way back to suicide squad in like 1988 #and i think the first bop mini was the winter before this came out #but when i say this is the defridging story i hope u still know what i mean.

[pansy-picnics]

i would love to see and here more about emery !

old ask i just dug up but oughhghh em emmy my beloved…,,,..ive been trying to work on alina development recently as well as a few other things but ACTUALLY now that u mention it i just realized i don’t think i ever talked abt florence here!!! she’s emery’s bio mom!!!

honestly when i first made emery i told myself i wasnt gonna develop anyone from her bio family mostly because i KNEW i would get attached to them. but alas i DID and i HAVE.

don’t ask me about her dad tho. he’s out of the picture and idk what he did but whatever it was he was probably the problem. em’s ginger genes run strong but otherwise thats the only remnant of his existence

florence (flora for short) was very spiritual and hardworking, as well as open minded, down to earth and creative….she was a talented writer and enjoyed dabbling in poetry and fiction. flora was struggling, but she did her best to care for emery with what she had, and would always try to make up for the times she couldn’t be there.

she was only alive for the first few years of her daughter’s life, so she didn’t get to encounter the. frankly gorier side of emery’s passions; but emery was a curious kid who asked a lot of questions about everything and florence was always happy to answer. she would’ve supported them just as much as varian and hugo do, though she’d definitely be a bit unsure of how she would’ve tried her best. em loves florence very much and always has very fond memories of her, she basically gave up everything for emery :’3

i’m not exactly sure how florence died but it was definitely something related to an illness,,,, flora was already in poor health before emery was born and they weren’t well off enough to afford any extensive medical care. seeing their mom like this impacted emery in a lot of ways, and it subconsciously ended up pushing her towards her interests in biology and medicine.

when they do officially adopt emery varian and hugo try to dig up as much information as possible on florence as well. they see that em has that strong connection with their mom and they can’t bear to imagine them just growing up and forgetting about it,,,, so they spend a lot of time in the library learning as much as possible and telling her about it, to make sure she never forgets where she came from :((( <3

all that said though don’t worry bc flora is in fact alive and well in a modern au…i think for some reason she wasn’t able to take care of em full time, so varian and hugo coparent with her. her and rapunzel are best friends and she and emery get to hang out a few times a month so flora can take her out for lunch and emery can infodump about neurosurgery procedures or something

they watch gray’s anatomy and make fun of it together

#tangled ask #pansy rambling again #tangled kids #emery #florence #varian #vat7k hugo #ask #pansy-art #varigo #hugo rottewange

[unfunnyaceartist]

Vent post ahead that may change your view on me and that may sound dramatic (NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE, THIS IS JUST IN GENERAL) Mostly just to get out my feelings. I only ask that if you look, to be kind and understanding and patient. Also the tags are silly and id appreciate if you read em. id appreciate if you didnt ask me anything on it

I feel toxic sometimes because i can get so jealous i borderline gatekeep things and I always feel so bad because its never intentional but then I end up hating myself because I know its unhealthy and irrational but I cant help it, and I know im so lucky and have a lot in many senses of the word, but at times it feels like they can be taking everything, because when I like someone or something, they tend to matter a fuck-ton to me. Im sorry to anyone ive lashed out at a bit for them wanting what I have, I really am. Its not coming from a place of hostility, rather a place of trauma responses and hyperfixation that stem from my adhd and autism but like when I try something and it goes great, and then someone else is like "OOH thats awesome I wanna do that too" It feels almost like when Im finally happy or excited or proud to have something, someone comes and takes it. Usually Ill play it off as a joke, but in reality, its complete honesty that im trying to soften so I dont upset anyone, especially when its over fiction or a person, because I do NOT own them and I know that, but it bothers me when someone swoops in to do the exact same things or even one-up especially when its really soon after me, and since my self worth is already abysmal, it just makes me feel worse, like I should be lucky to have what I do to begin with, but I feel the need to hold it close to me and protect it so I dont lose things that make me really happy.

Recently Ive even started reverse gatekeeping in response to others, where ill just tell myself I cant or dont deserve to have anything special because I'm not, and only others can enjoy this. But thats why people making me ship content makes me so happy. Its dumb to get jealous over others selfshipping with a character I like. Its dumb to get upset over someone I know copying or taking heavy inspiration from one of my ideas. Its dumb to get possessive over someone else trying to befriend my new awesome friends or wife/wives. I rarely selfship anymore due to my reverse gatekeeping and instead serve the others who simp or enjoy content. I provide since I feel I cant take. It makes me happy and distracts me. But the moment someone else does something similar to what is my toxic coping mechanism for my toxic coping mechanism, it only hurts worse. Thats why sometimes, for example, I get a bit snappy when someone else provides gummybunny (that and also shipping jealousy sometimes). Thats why I get snappy when I make a friend someone else super cool and then another person comes in and wants to befriend them (No darken, this wasnt directed at you, its happened more than once with more than one person but I know how you tend to assume). I LOVE giving but I hate sharing, because all my life whenever I shared, I lost something.

Introduce a friend to a friend? They leave me behind for eachother. Let someone wear my fitbit because they wanted to feel "rich"? It got stolen. Give money to someone in a "rough spot" who promised to repay me somehow? Never saw them again. I was always so trusting and understanding, and I always made excuses for others. Always so naive and gullible. So much so, in fact, that in elementary I kept letting my bullies pretend to be my friends when they claimed they changed, and let them destroy any ounce of worth I had whatsoever. Things that make me happy I CHERISH because of all the things ive lost and all my experiences. Ive never been hit, not once, but the abuse all my life came emotionally and mentally, and I only recently realized through therapy. Now its hard to trust people in certain situations. Sorry for my probably hard to follow and melodramatic rant.

sorry im dumb haha

#tw vent #By the time I finished writing the post I was no longer a mess about it but im still gonna post it #I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF I SEE ANYONE APOLOGIZING FOR MY OWN ISSUES IM GONNA BE PISSED #yall read all the tags its beneficial lol #Ngl SOME of this jealousy hits hardest with Gummy #because Ill FINALLY get fed some simp food for myself #and then yk #theyll kinda show up and ask to receive the same stuff #or act jealous #gummy #babe I love you #BUT DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU HAVE FEEDING YOU GUMMYBUNNY CONSTANTLY???? #Like mine is rare and far between #and I dont draw much selfship unlike you #LET ME HAVE SOME THINGS DAMMIT #And then Darken over here when I get a cool new friend just like: #... is for me? 🥺👉👈 #/nm for both things #im the embodiment of envy and greed arent I... #I hate upsetting people #I just keep it to myself and internalize my emotions mostly #haha now you guys know how possessive and jealous I am #its giving yandere 🥰💅✨🗣💃🕺😍😘😼🤠🤭😇🙄🤩😜😝🤑🧐😈 #i regret my life choices right about now

[kasaneteto]

thoughts about honesty & lying and my relationship with these concepts before intake a power nap because i only got 4 hours of sleep thanks to daylight savings

i didn’t really realize until this year just how deeply ingrained in me the urge to lie is. i will just say fucking whatever if its what i think the conversation needs. (or i should say i used to. ive been really making an effort to not say ANYTHING that i dont mean and its fucking hard but its getting easier fs) this is a bit of a double edged sword because like, i AM very good at talking to people and being friendly & this skill definitely stems from the years and years of people pleasing, but at the same time i have to really hold myself accountable if i want to be impeccable with my word, because the natural instinct to tell a lie is SO strong.

my parents would punish me for honesty so i very quickly learned it was better to lie and not get yelled at (which didnt even always work lol) and as a result have had to learn how to be honest with even myself. it was SO deeply ingrained that when a truth was difficult or painful i would just lie to myself instead of facing the music. ive gotten a lot better about being honest with myself about my feelings, my recent breakup helped me realize that i still had a lot of work to do in that respect and ive been doing a lot of introspection about it. but what im really struggling with is the impulse to say things that i think will help the conversation flow even if they arent true, and in my effort to NOT do this i seem to have become… too honest? i dunno. ive always hated fakeness and niceties of that kind so sometimes I’ll say something in response thats super honest but like….i did not need to say that.

despite my honesty making people uncomfortable at times i feel way better about myself this way. i feel like a toddler sometimes with how much i wear my heart on my sleeve these days but it feels good to know that hey at least im being genuine yknow? like what you see is what you get with me. im not exactly an open book but im not gonna pretend to be someone im not just for your sake. like ive been doing that my whole life and STILL got rejected by people left and right so like. who cares. i’ll just be myself and be honest and forthcoming and not worry about what other people think of me. because the people who like me and want to spend time with me will stick around. and if im being myself and people dont like that, WHO CARES!!!!! get well soon bitch because im fucking awesome. it feels good to say that and truly believe it.

anyways. tl;dr if we’re friends theres a good chance that one day i will say something to you and then immediately say “that wasnt true im sorry idk why i said that” because it has been happening often LOLLLL

#txt #this is way longer than i thought itd be #what the fuck else is new

[cleostoohot]

OOKAYYYY

im sure u get a lot of anons asking why they dont have results, blah blah blah. as someone who recently uncovered my root problems heres some advice. imma continue to to roex3dol even if the 3d doesnt show results (which it eventually will) imma continue affirming after 3 days.

HERE IS HOW TO COMBAT THE INSECURITY:

as im sure you have all heard before, dont stress the results will show up in the 3d if you keep affirming.

THE BIGGEST INSECURITY that will get in your way is "what if...." or imagining yourself after 3 days not having your desire or really seeing your future self not with ur desires. If you fall into any of these categories or something similar, catch yourself and start affirming that it has absolutely zero choice but to work. when you imagine yourself failing you are creating that room for failure, you cant believe two polar opposite concepts at once. IT IS POSSIBLE TO BELIEVE IN THE ONE YOU WANT!

ive known abt manifesting (attraction) since aug 2020, i found solar subs and law of assumption in jan 2021, in around aug 2021 i found neville and loa tumblr, in nov 2021 i started manifesting small things. now i still have manifested small things but not my dream life it hasnt appeared in the 3d. thats my experience. ive fumbled AAAAALLOOOTT. i was gonna write this on my blog but after almost two years of experience ill quickly list my largest cause of failure.

WAVERING/NOT PERSISTINGl

one day i would try affirming for the void and after that didnt work i would do a challenge, and after that didnt work i did bkanket affirmations and after that didnt work i did sats and after that didnt work i would do meditations. i didnt think i was doing anything wrong, looking back im so frustrated with myself for wasting so much time. and if lets say i did void affirmations, blanket affirmations, meditations all in one manifesting routine if i missed one i would start over because i believed it wouldnt work despite reading otherwise. this is a new realization, im not even sure i have a total grasp on my mistakes now, but imma keep persisting.

how im going to fix this: i have 1 thing i will do daily which is affirming. i have 2 affirmations i will always use "roe i have all my desires" "roe i manifest in 3dol" even after 3 days imma keep affirming. im working towards holding the assumption that it has no choice but to appear in the 3d. even just yesterday i was abt to quit "maybe i should just be okay with what i have now and revise___" NOPE. im working towards my dream life so i wont stop. just because im getting some material items in my 3d doesnt mean i should be good with what i have now. i will wake up in my dream house and blah blah blah other dream things. my tendency to do that is most likely bc im scared i wont manifest my dream life. I WILL, YOU WILL, WE ALLL WILL!!!! stick with your decisions, dont be afraid of time passing, that will hold you back.

i said this earlier i was gonna write this on my own blog but i feel more ppl would see it here. i hope that previous example i said about switching to void, to med, to affirmations really sticks with someone because that realization was key.

if you dont have what you want in the 3d after 3 days, GENUINELY address your beliefs. when blogs suggested to address your limiting beliefs, i never would bc i thought i was doing everything perfectly. BUT IM SERRRIOUUUSSSS address them. heres cleos post abt somethings that may be holding you back that was my catalyst fr to address what i was doing wrong, even if my exact problem wasnt listed there.

TYYYY CLEOOOOOOOO ill continue affirming!!!! sorry for typing mistakes i manifested a laptop but ive only used tumblr on mobile.

tysmmm for this luv💗💗💗 you should put it on ur blog too

#anontips #law of assumption

[raysletters]

2023 Character Wrapped

Rules: share your top 9 characters of 2023

tagged by the lovely @suseagull04 (like, so long ago, but i had forgotten to do it so here i am)

1. Alex Claremont-Díaz (RWRB)

i wish i could explain to you the deep connection i have to this fictional man. he is me and i am him. he probably has been my favorite character since i first found him on 2021 (which is the longest hyperfixation ive ever had, funnily enough) and has actually shaped me to be more confident in myself and all that mushy stuff, so yeah, im just missing a henry kinnie that wants to put up with this mess.

2. Percy Jackson (Riordanverse)

i binge read pjo and hoo these last months, and the way ive become attached to this kid is something else. i want to protect him from anything.

3. Nico di Angelo (Riordanverse)

like with percy, i became attached to him from the moment he showed up, and i would protect him with my life even from rick riordan. he cant do no wrong ever.

4. Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor (RWRB)

henry has specially gained a piece in my heart lately, but i have to be honest, when i first read about him, i thought nothing of him more than the perfect companion and love interest in alex's story. i have to say that getting a glance to his mind through both the bonus chapter and really fucking good fics gave me the insight i needed to comprehend him: his actions, his motivations, and everything in between that made him who he is and made me realize how many things we have in common and how many things i could learn from him, which is always a beautiful experience

5. June Claremont-Díaz (RWRB)

theres nothing i wouldnt do for her. even though i absolutely HATE how i wrote the fic that has june's pov, im still in the process of learning about her and comprehending her more. still, she reminds me so much of my own sister, even though i should kin her more than alex because of the whole sapphic latina journalist who loves her sibling very much, even when they annoy the shit out of you, but alas, im a younger sister and june has so much vibes of my own sister except with my tastes, so yeah, nothing i wouldnt do for her

6. Iris West-Allen (The Flash TV)

in case you didnt know this about me, i had a not-so-recent hyperfixation on the flash (and it can absolutely be seen in my sky high au), and she was half the reason of it. i wish i could put into words how much i fucking love her in every sense of the word. like, i'm in love with her but i also want her to be happy and protected at all costs and i would do anything for her to actually get those things. she can also step on me and i would thank her, but that is unrelated

7. Annabeth Chase (Riordanverse)

what you dont get is that for her i would become like a rabid feral gremlin or maybe that dog that takes a sword in its mouth and starts swinging carelessly. thats how ready i am to protect her from absolutely everything, even spiders, no matter how fucking scared i am of them

8. Imogen Heaney (Heartstopper TV)

yes, i am absolutely biased because the actress also has t1d and my hc is that now imogen also has t1d, but also because i, too, affirmed with my whole chest how i was an ally and totally straight and then slowly realized i was sapphic bc of one cute girl in my friend group that called me out on my bs 💀

9. Barry Allen (The Flash TV)

yes, we dont acknowledge that other version by that other actor. yes, he's last because i had a love-hate relationship with the way he was written. but season 8!barry became one of my favorite versions of him, and i absolutely thank grant (the actor) for the way he made me love the character once again

i missed so many characters that i love but just not like i love these ones. the only one who could easily take barry's place on the list would be nick nelson my absolute beloved, but since flash tv ended this year, it had me in my feelings and i couldn't not put him there, so yeah

DISCLAIMER: i am at the moment reading trials of apollo (im just like 1/4 of the first book) and if somebody spoils me anything i WILL become a rabid feral gremlin, this is your only warning, thank you very much.

anyway, you can consider this an open tag and do this and tag me in it bc i always love to read about yalls favorite stuff. still, no pressure, but im still tagging beautiful ppl so i can read about your favorite characters @anincompletelist @inexplicablymine @read-and-write- @sherryvalli @14carrotghoul @formorewishes

#tag game #2023 character wrapped

[okaystoptellingmetomakeanaccount]

I almost forgot that I was a Magica De Spell blog so

New Magica story next week. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Im not sure what to think of this tbh. Cause this seems like its going to be a gag story. De Feo hasn’t even written a single 30 pager yet I believe. And like cool, sick. Shorter stories of Magica just goofing around like in the golden age of Sarda (golden age is probably too dramatic but it sounds nice) is great. But i also kind of wanted the big long Magica stories trend to continue too

If were only having 1 or 2 Magica comics each year i’d rather not have it be Amelia e l'in$olito depo$ito you know what i mean.

I hoped that with seven volcanic witches we would finally slowly see her character evolve past the dime.

In I TL 3451-1P and I TL 3454-6 the dime wasnt the main point of the story anymore. That was cool and the stories were good as well.

Then we got Gastone lo sfortunato

Which (while disappointing for poor Magicstone shippers) again was showing us that she might slowly be realizing what is actually important for her. That these lessons would be repeated until it finally hits and she gets to move on.

Btw on the Egmont side, writer Gaute Moe seems to really try this as well. He has made like 5 stories about Magica who gives up on the dime and often just gives it back. Not even out of solidarity like in older Italian stories but just because she feels bad. It’s a bit silly but i respect it. Gaute Moe is our hero for Magica characterization at Egmont okay? He tries his best to keep up with Italy.

Oh yeah Italy. The lampada bisestile had really great Magica use and had zero dime mention. Then the PK story was pretty bad. Now we have seemingly a gag story about a scheme for the dime so like ehhhhhh im not sure what to think of this.

Yeah i managed to write this much about a single title and one name. I needed to do something for all the not posting about Magica ive been doing lately.

Anyways this is just speculation maybe De Feo will blow us all away with his gag. I shouldnt assume anything. Thats bad. Im gonna assume that its gonna be good. Wait no i mean. Im not gonna assume anything. I jist wanted to talk about recent Magica developments. New Magica story next week. Lets just get excited about it. There is no reason to assume that her development is not gonna continue what am i saying. Also i know that 7 volcanic witches gave her a better reason to keep going after the dime but also it didnt at the same time so like i dont know.

Franzò is gonna give us good art for sure.

#magica de spell #there is a lot of chaos and uncertainty in life #but you can always depend on federico franzò being a good duck artist

[shslpookiebear]

What is your fav ship for buki buki?

You always have such amazing takes btw shjdkdskakskka

AHHH TYSMM

my favorite ship for ibuki is probably ibuki x hiyoko or ibuki x chiaki but recently ive been much more partial to the former so ill write about that one

i started shipping these two mostly as a joke at first because i was like “murder girlfriends” because the two of them as ultimate despair did world tours of destruction

and then i started thinking about their characters more and i realized like NO WAIT THIS IS ACTUALLY FIRE

ibuki is the ultimate musician but she doesnt perform music in the “correct marketable way” shes a rockstar she wants to sing metal not pop ballads and so she breaks away from her band in favor of going on her own path

hiyoko is the ultimate TRADITIONAL dancer her art form is about beauty and grace and not straying from the path and with her grandmother breathing down her neck its not like she has any other options

ibuki looks straight out of an avril lavigne music video but shes bubbly whereas hiyoko would much rather pull on your pigtails and call you names. though they both definitely lack a filter

another thing is that hiyoko LOVES ibukis music, shes the only person on the island who doesnt think its hot garbage (even though i hc sonia totally loved it because sonias such a sweetheart she needs more love OKAY)

i think hiyokos reaction is indicative of how she in many ways admires ibukis freedom for being capable of forging her own DESTINY

post sdr2 is also interesting to examine because as i previously mentioned… murder girlfriends

i think its compelling to think about how you could spend 2 years with someone, seeing each other at your very VERY worst but now you live together so you have to deal with it

at first i think hiyoko would avoid ibuki not wanting to confront her own crimes or the very real feelings that wouldnt just dissipate because as much as the ultimate despairs were terrible they were also vulnerable people who were manipulated into thinking despair was something very real and meaningful (brainwashing video is voided as always get used to it)

but ibuki is persistent and doesnt take things personally and she is healing but so is hiyoko so they might as well do it together instead of making every interaction painfully stilted

and ibuki still a lovable idiot and hiyoko still doesnt fully understand if you dont have something nice to say dont say it

but theyre making baby steps and thats got to count for something

and ibuki serenades hiyoko in her own totally metal way >;3

#danganronpa #sdr2 #hiyoko saionji #ibuki mioda #idk their ship name #ibuki x hiyoko #there you go

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

just curious what do you think about avoiding conflict? I've always been told and believed that avoiding conflict was a negative trait of mine but recent events have made me kinda question it.. I mean to a certain extent being avoidant is negative but is it bad to dislike fighting? Idk maybe I'm just a peaceful soul and I don't like anger lol

well, naturally im not much a fighter, i give people a lot of chances. i try to put myself in ppls shoes & not judge for shallow reasons. i believe its more helpful to my life to b a passive observer of conflict not an instigator & its hard for me to respect ppl who r overly reactive. that being said i believe sometimes ther r moments u have to fight for yourself & get a little messy because sometimes thats the only way to truly get ur point across. hurts when this happens but i find it rare for something to be so dire that it requires this method.

someting ive realized this year is tht when u have a healthy relationship w someone be it friend family or whoever, u will never feel the need to fight. like if a disagreenment happens it just gets respectfully resolved. for a while i cld not truly internalize this & constantly anticipated what kind pain wld strike me next. but the ppl i still have w me at this point are all just like, so mature and courteous and understanding. no conflict ever arises between us we're all aligned in our goals to make life peaceful TuT

so no i rly dont think its negative to b chill cus it attracts more kind ppl to u. just dont let ppl disrespect u & dnt b afraid to express ur boundaries. <3 Happy Shihtzolidays Anon <3

[thisdreamplace]

reality is real because of our experience of it. WE make it real. it’s not like the reality you were born into is the ultimate one true reality. every reality is real as long as you are conscious of it being so. that’s why i’m so excited to try revision now because before i was like “but it won’t be the same because i didn’t actually get to have the experience 🥲” but i’m slowly realizing “hold up all that exists of the past IS the memory of it! its not like i’m vividly physically experiencing my memories every moment. i only accept my past as true because i feel like it happened and i’m attached to it. who’s to say i actually experienced all those things?” all the memories that we have good or bad are only kept in place by the love that we are giving to them. and why wouldn’t i love my own deliberate lovingly created memories even more?

it reminds me of this non-related to the law youtuber i like who recently said something about how going back into the past painful memories and healing them actually changes the present moment and whats to come. its literally so true. reality is simply our interpretation of what is happening in front of us, or what did happen, if youre speaking of memories. my favorite way to practice revision is to go back to that time and see it from a different perspective. i am personally not the type who can pretend something isnt in my memory and just decide it didnt happen, if i have a painful bond to that memory. but i can go back to it and change perspectives, see it through love and let it be like that. and that has worked wonders. if i have a memory i am resentful of, i honor that completely. i lived a little too long trying to pretend like some past experiences didnt hurt the way they did. i personally wont sit here and pretend like those feelings/experiences didnt exist at one point in time, but now i know how to go back and heal the story and let it be. i dont even do it looking for results. i do it to heal myself and allow in a more beautiful present experience.

this is funny because its even happened recently a couple of times in the past few months. literally just yesterday my sister made comments about how everyone gives me so much attention and always takes care of me. it always throws me off a little to hear her speak like that, because for most of our lives, thats how i saw her. i felt like i had been the forgotten one for many years. but throughout this journey, ive done a lot of healing work with those experiences and now people see me as being the one who was always treated well and gone beyond for. and presently, people really do treat me well and look out for me. <3 its adorable really.

[wishful-seeker]

Yesterday realized its been years since ive been in a car while it rains, and i kinda wished i could experience that. Today after my physical therapy it rained while we were in the car. Then i was studying the rain because i plan on painting a painting of a morning shower soon. I thought "if only this was a morning shower, i could study better." Then it became a morning shower!

Thats when i realized im wearing my necklace that i enchanted to grant wishes lol

I also realized a while ago i was testing my necklace and i wished for 100 dollars to come to me with no effort. My gma recently gave me 100 dollars because i couldn't go to a family wedding and she wanted me to spend it on something fun.

So yeah im a level 100 wizard and nothing can stop me

#witchcraft #witchy #witchblr #spell success

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

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#ACLA24 #ACLA24Leaders #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental justice #environment protection #environmental health #Youtube

[wolvesandvisions]

something I was scared of happening as I got older was that I’d lose the ability to feel nostalgia for things. it always seemed like people could only ever look back on the things from when they were a kid or teenager and get excited about them. but i realized ive been able to still feel nostalgic about things that at the time I saw as blips in time.

like for example for all the bullshit I am so super nostalgic for pokemon swsh. I made a lot of new friends, it was my partner’s first mainline game, I connected a lot with so many people. i loved the characters and playing it after work assignments. it was just a fun game and i have a lot of love n nostalgia even for the controversy

honestly im nostalgic for college in general? Like I always knew I would like college more than public school but I didnt think I’d long for it the way I do sometimes, I was learning something i liked and had a lot of independence for the first time

and even recently. like im starting to feel nostalgic for my first job, and interviews, first time traveling alone and seeing things, and all that stuff happened like 2-3 years ago but I feel all those things…

it makes me happy to know this because I know once I pass my 20s I’ll be able to look back on that period of my life and still feel longing for things even though I’m an adult and I think thats because Im actively making choices to enjoy new experiences and try new things.

I think nostalgia is born when ur experiences feel new and different… and I think what I was really scared of was falling into a stagnant routine… now I know as long as I keep pursuing new experiences I’ll get to keep having good memories and my age wont really ever be a factor in that joy :’)

#wolf txt. #also im aware im still young i guess i just thought #at somepoint u cross thr threshold where nostalgia doesnt apply because you mind isnt as amazed by things anymore #but its not true!!

[cloudcountry]

Holy crap I think I've figured out what causes the asks to have character limits or not. If you go to the specific tumblr page/blog and go to the ask box, it'll have a character limit. If you have tumblr pull up a blog as an overlay of one's dashboard and enter the ask box that way, it looks more like a post and doesn't have the character limit.

Figured this out because I was going to send something to you, then realized it was too long, then thought of a way of maybe making it shorter. I wonder if that means tumblr hasn't updated ask boxes properly since the overlay thing is pretty new.

Well what I wanted to tell you is the results I got from pulling in Twst. I didn't know they were going to have a last chance round for the three Masquerade SSRs. The nice thing is that all the banners are still synced to counting the same pulls too! I was going to save the ten-pulls from the tweels since I doubt the chances of getting any of their birthday cards with just 10-20 pulls. I ended up spending their keys on Azul's masquerade card since it would be enough to get me to the 100 mark.

Right on the 100th pull I get the special SSRs quote on my screen. The quote sounded like Azul to me, so I thought I actually got him despite knowing there's still a chance of me getting a random dorm uniform. The quote was "No need to be so concerned. I only wish to help."

It was Jade's dorm SSR!

I can't bring myself to be upset because it's too amusing to me. I sacrifice his and his twin's keys to the Azul banner, figuring they'd at least want it to go to him. Then Jade basically goes "Haha, nope". Which of course he would. (I wonder if I should blame my recent thoughts of how Bobo would probably find Jade's mushroom dishes reminiscent of home. Perhaps Jade wants me to really write about him and Bobo.)

Did you save the tweels keys at all? Do you plan to try pulling for Azul as one last hoorah?

Also I keep misreading your blog title banner thing as "Zero kisser, first human second" instead of what it clearly is, "Zero kisser first, human second". (But what else is new about my mind? Yesterday I had the tune of Maneater in my head but I kept replacing the word "maneater" with "gravedigger". I have no clue where gravedigger came from.)

tumblr is just silly i gave up trying to figure out whats going on with it like a week after i got here :((( its so complicated!!!

YOU GOT JADES DORM UNIFORM!??!?! UGHHH I CANT BELEIEV I DONT HAVE A SINGLE OCTAVINELLE ONE YET!!! IVE PULLED IDIAS DORM UNIFORM FOUR TIMES!!!!!! HE NEEDS TO LEAVE ME ALONE I WANT A FISH GUY

ngl your bobo thoughts probably manifested him. jade can read minds im pretty sure.

YES YES IM SAVING UP THE TWEELS KEY SETS FOR THE TREY SHOWCASE!!! I HAVE SEVEN PULLS SAVED UP RIGHT NOW (crying ) I HOPE THATLL BE ENOUGH :(((

AJSGDFHAGSFD THATS ACTUALLY SO SILLY

#axvie <3

[vialacteas]

recently I quit my Big Girl Job...

it wasnt rlly a choice. i got burnout and it came to a point id cry all day from stress. i didnt recognize myself anymore and i still dont, its gonna take some time for me to recover from all...

but all the last conversations i had with coworkers and my managers replaced my anger with sadness instead. working for a multinational kind of messes with ur brain especially if u have a background like mine - someone who never had much chance to land on this type of position. my resume wasnt that impressive compared to the other interns who were all from brazilian ´ivy leagues´ and had the money to pretend they changed the world with voluntary work overseas... but despite it i got hired and promoted and had the opportunity to be transferred to different areas, while most of my intern peers didnt even get to be hired in the first place.

everyone i talked to this last week was shocked and sad that i was leaving and they were all super gracious abt it. it kind of frustrates me because for these last 3 years ive worked my ass off and rarely had any sort of recognition besides the times i got hired and promoted. and not to say that i need to be babied or whatever, but i barely had serious feedbacks about what was working and what wasnt. i just did what i had to do and sometimes that meant staying late, working for 3 different teams, going beyond my job description etc etc etc. it came to a point that all i ever did was to solve crisis after crisis.

no one was ever truly mean to me but also ive always felt incredibly isolated and alienated. no process to follow, no person to small talk, no time to even analyse my own work - despite absorbing things easily i still needed guidance sometimes and felt terrible every time i had to ask for help or admit that i didnt know how to do it. and i recognize part of why i got so far was because ive always been engaged and self taught, but it can get incredibly tiresome and time consuming to have to figure out everything by yourself.

i dont know if this is part of a natural process, to feel like youre growing ~unevenly~, and it wasnt the only reason why i quit. most of it was the stress and the amount of workload i had, which was kind of insane... but after talking to my managers they all said the same thing along the lines of being sorry for not realizing + understanding why its hard to say 'no'.

which is whats been kind of saddening me... my brain keeps telling me: what if i did things differently, what if i was more vocal about it. im not sure if me saying 'no' would ever work as the tasks needed to be done, but what if i at least tried harder... but then, i also didn't really know how i was being perceived. i have this horrible habit of thinking my coworkers and managers would barely stand me for doing the bare minimum. ive never felt like a good professional in the end. they have a different perception though, and i got told that it would be ok for me to negotiate my own conditions because i was valuable.

they said its something that i should take for my next job: understand that im also a person who has needs and as long as im doing my job, i should at least try to be heard. obviously thats a very capitalistic conversation bc ideally id want to run to the forests to live a self sustained life etc etc.

but anyway i will try to take it as a new start instead of an inevitable ending. bc it would never be sustaining for me to stay there for more years, its not the job i wanted tbh. ill just have to trust myself this time to follow my own path. and try to be happy with it.

#diário de bordo

[ziptieparty]

i havent seen anyone alloromantic specifically talk about their experiences in aplatonicism, so i thought that more input from a different perspective could be useful?

i relatively recently (maybe 2-3 months ago) saw someone use the word "aplatonic" to describe themselves, and several things clicked into place with me, my general thought process being something like "of course theres a subset of aspec labels for platonic attraction, people feel romantic and sexual attraction separately so obviously theres a platonic side to." and i left it at that for awhile but something about it stuck with me.

i suppose ill start at the beginning,

when i was a kid i was mainly friends with boys, and for awhile i attributed this to being trans and just relating more to male peers. i do still believe this to be a factor but now thinking back on it i realized there was a pattern to my relationships.

at one point or another, i had had crushes on almost all of them.

i realized all at once that the only reason i had even spoken to a majority of my childhood friends was because i had been romantically attracted to them at the beginning of our friendships.

now, i can anticipate some kind of argument along the lines of "thats just how crushes and friendships grow with everyone" or some such nonsense

but i can say with my whole chest that thats not what was happening.

im not very good at explaining things in a way that makes sense to most, but i will attempt to be as clear as possible.

a lot of people wanted to be my friend.

i was funny and loud and friendly to my classmates. i liked to play tag at recess and brought pokemon cards and my tamagotchi to school before they were banned. i shared the parts of my lunches i didnt want, i stood up to bullies, and sat with people that were alone.

but that was about the extent of it

i was friendly

but i was never your friend

i generally considered myself a "loner" and no matter how friendly or talkative or persistent or technically compatible my classmates were-

it never took.

i just. wanted to do what i wanted to do.

i had kids i interacted with often and i named them friends when prompted to list any, but i never actually. spoke to them? it was more like i sat next to them and we did things alongside eachother (parallel play style) and i would say little things to them like hello or good morning or maybe that i liked their shoes but i never like. discussed what i liked with them or vice versa. i couldnt tell you a thing about them beyond their names.

this pattern continued until i started to develop crushes, suddenly i was initiating contact with kids without outside factors. i sat with them and gave them the sweet parts of my food and for the first time

i asked them questions

i wanted to know if they liked the cartoons i did and who their favorite characters were, i was curious about what they liked and what they thought. their input mattered to me.

a majority of my relationships from then on followed similar patterns, i thought they were cute or funny and so i talked to them and could tolerate the connection that followed.

i didnt keep my feelings for a lot of them of course, i had no way of knowing who these people were before getting to know them but the point still stands; i had to have a crush on them first.

this wasnt always the case with my friends, sometimes when i would interact with someone the stars would align and id stay in contact somehow and id end up with a friend that didnt start with romantic feelings.

my life gets messy from my teens on and i will spare you my life story, but i ended up in a position that i only had one person i could pass off as a friend. the relationship was just like the ones from my early childhood, i just kind of existed alongside her and i couldnt really tell you anything about her.

ive never formed bonds with anyone without outside influence and the ones i did were rare or romantic at first. isolation doesnt really bother me, i dont like or need to talk to people often, my own family barely knows me and has to force my interaction

sometimes i kind of joke with my husband that id never had a real friend before because i could never tell him anything about the friends i still had when i had met him, and now i think i have the words to describe why?

im not entirely sure what i should label myself, demiplatonic fits but i feel is a disservice to the people that i was or am friends with that were faster and didnt start romantically. perhaps grayplatonic or something but im just going with aplspec for the moment.

#this post is long so i left things i experience out #i may talk about them at a later time but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #aplatonic #actually aplatonic #WHAT DO PEOPLE TAG THIS KIND OF THING? #mouthful.txt #aplspec #aspec