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#because my executives like to dysfunction on me
ahoyimlosingmymind · 20 hours
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I’m glad you like my adhd Marella headcanon—do you have any additions on how that affects her everyday life and how Fitz helps her 👀
She likes hands on learning. So with school assignments, if she's stuck sitting down and reading a book or writing a long paper with very little creative freedom she feels super boxed in and bored to tears. So studying is not one of her strong suits.
When she has a big test coming up or books to read, Fitz will read them out loud to her and come up with niche conversational points on the topic they're reading about to keep her engaged. She'll usually be training to control her abilities and work on her combat moves as he does.
She can be forgetful when it comes to taking care of herself, a byproduct of always caring for her mother and not putting herself high up on her list of priorities, but also just general executive dysfunction.
Fitz leaves color coded sticky notes all over the place for her. Some of these have flirty little quips written on them, mixed in with a sincere "Alchemy test on Friday. Let me know if you need help studying." and "Please drink water today" (He often has to be the one to fill up her water bottle for her, or it won't happen.)
Some days he offers to come over and help with her mom so she can just take a break. Because sometimes she gets such bad task paralysis she can barely move. It's like her brain is running a loop of 'Do this. You need to do this. Get up. Get up. You'll be less anxious If you do it" and she just cannot move. He'll help her clean the house and fold the laundry she's left in a pile on her bed.
When she gets really excited about something and her brain is going a million miles a minute, her fingers will spark literally. She set a curtain on fire once because she was ranting to Fitz about how much she loves baking and creating new recipes with him.
It's happened in public a few times. Her hands sparking with excitement.
It also happens when she's really nervous/anxious. Fitz has a small burn on his hand from quickly grabbing hers to hide it when they were at school and people were whispering about her being 'talentless' Because the last thing Marella needs is to be outed as a pyrokinetic.
She felt awful about it after but he insisted it was okay, that it hardly hurt.
Marella is an external processor. The brain to mouth filter is almost non-existent. Which is part of the reason Fitz loves talking with her so much. There's no secrets. She has to talk to realize what she's really thinking and feeling, and Fitz is great at listening and stopping her from spiraling too hard
She has many hyperfixations, but often not enough time to really indulge in them. She loves to bake with Fitz, read poetry and collect oddities and trinkets from small shops in Mysterium. When she can't really get into her hyperfixations, she gets antsy. They're her outlet.
So- like your idea- he's constantly dropping little dopamine boosts any time he can. He'll tell her a cool fact about one of her trinkets, share human and elvin poetry with her and set up days where they can just bake together.
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lazylittledragon · 2 months
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isn't it weird how if you get up at 7 or 8, do your work all day, then have free time and go to bed at 11 that's absolutely fine
but if i said i get up at 10, do fun stuff in the morning then work in the evening and go to bed late, i could be called lazy, nevermind that i'm getting just as much or MORE work done as i would in a traditional work day
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wasabikitcat · 10 months
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Saw the “Chara Week” art week idea proposed a couple weeks ago and Chara Dreemurr is the only character that my executive dysfunction ridden brain can make the exception of allowing me to draw fanart of, so I decided to seize the opportunity.
I was going to try at some rendering stuff but just getting this flat-color drawing alone done took me like 3 and a half hours so I decided to call it there. But I think I did at least okay for the first finished digital art I’ve done in like, a year.
(Oh, the prompt for day 1 is “Family” in case you couldn’t tell.)
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zebratimw · 10 months
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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silvermoon424 · 1 year
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Slowly coming to the realization that I actually do want IRL friends I can rely on, I just really don't want to put myself out there, go through the awkward stages of getting to know someone that involves hanging out, and then having to do stuff to maintain that friendship when I actually wanna be alone most of the time.
Man, being autistic and extremely introverted kinda sucks when it comes to this whole "making friends" thing.
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finniestoncrane · 8 months
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said to my counsellor that i wasnt built for friendship because everyone always eventually just. stops speaking to me and she went “ok why do you think that is?” and then when i finished my dumb sad list she went “ok so maybe you aren’t good at friendship” and i. have never regretted spending £50 more in my life lol
#A RANT IN THE TAGS MY GOD I DIDNT EVEN REALISE I AM WRITING THIS WARNING RETROSPECTIVELY#£50 to feel like never trying to speak to anyone again or forge any connections THANKS RUTH#Ruth remember when I said that every friendship I’ve had I’ve never truly known if it’s a friendship or if it’s one sided#remember when I told you that my friend groups always had people who had a favourite and I was never the favourite#remember when I told you that several friend groups have disbanded but not really they actually just made new spaces without me?#remember that? remember my trauma? remember?#because I DO!!!#I was not born to have friends I don’t think#I can’t even make friends with other autistic people or other weird people or other queer people#I don’t even think I could make friends with a clone of myself#this is so guy wrenchingly isolating lol#like girl what do you want from me? keep everyone at arms length like I used to?#try not to let myself get attached to people in case they decide they don’t want to be close to me anymore?#please it is not great advice Ruth#THE WORAT PART is that I literally was like ‘I don’t message too much because I’m overbearing’#and she asked where the proof was#and all I had was the complete dissolving of any relationship where I tried or tried too hard#so now I’m left in this confusing space of do I message too much or not enough because I have no happy medium#and she knows SHE KNOWS I also have energy issues and executive dysfunction stuff going on#and I know she is just trying to help and get me to think about this stuff#but it was just not the time lmao#finnie shouts into the void
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bitternace · 8 months
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(08/08!)
flurry of dancing flames, with the silly hair (affectionate)
[ID: two digital drawings of axel from kingdom hearts. the background is light blue and the colors are faded.
In the first, he is shown in a wide forward stance, as he takes a long step. Both arms are extended to the sides, and on either hand he holds his characteristic weapon, eternal flames. he grins, one of his eyebrows raised as his hair and the tail of his coat flare behind him.
the second is a close-up of his face. /End ID.]
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penginlord · 5 months
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My favorite days are when the executive dysfunction says "oh you wanna play that video game you really like? Nope, not today sorry", but thankfully I've found a loophole where if I take a shower it resets it's preferences for the day.
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teplejtrouba · 2 months
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i have managed to actually do a hobby for the first time in months. yippee
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whump-queen · 4 months
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begging someone to hold a gun to my head so my brain will finally make me do my dishes, laundry, vacuuming, job applications, emails, messages,, just to get anything done at all without constantly wanting to die
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reactionimagesdaily · 4 months
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quick update
Hola everyone!
Just writing a thing to say I SEE all the messages that've been sent to my inbox and I'll promise I'll get round to them soon! I've been doing National Novel-Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) this year (as well as some job-huntng lolol) and it's taken up a lot of my spare mental energy. Low-key it feels like all I can do to make sure that the queue doesn't run out of submissions xD
Next month I'll get to everyone's image requests - promise! - and also to those 10K celebrations I mentioned a little while ago! (I've been cooking some stuff up behind the scenes for that milestone, don't y'all worry)
And. Yeah that's about it from me. Stay tuned, thank you for your patience, love y'all, adios <3
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nametakensff · 4 months
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Little AuDHD complaint under the readmore (skip over if you can't be bothered with the negativity because even I can't be bothered with my own feelings right now)
I've been struggling a bit this week - likely PMS which has now become a late period - but my friend is coming down this weekend. Originally we had plans for her to come down Friday but that moved to Saturday for reasons beyond her control. I've been thinking about it all week and trying my best to get the house organised and all that but it's been hard to even look after myself. Like I can't concentrate at all either so I'm just having a hard time being a functioning human. I've failed to get half as many things done as I planned but I really tried.
I was supposed to pick her up at like 11am at the train station but now she's said that another friend will be around at that time so she'll just meet me at 1pm at the location we planned to meet up with our mutual friend. And I know to most people this is totally reasonable, like why wouldn't you try and see as many friends as possible when you're not often in the area?
But it always just makes me feel like I'm just an option when this kind of thing happens? Like I'm an interchangeable friend or a box to be ticked rather than THE reason she's coming to visit. I matter so little that a last-minute spontaneous meeting with someone else takes priority.
It also messed with my plans and one thing I really struggle with is spontaneous changes in plans. I can't force people to comply with this because I'd just feel selfish but it completely throws me off, especially when I'm in this state where everything is so hard for me to keep together.
Idk man it's probably worsened by rejection sensitivity dysphoria - scratch that, it's TOTALLY worsened by that. I'm incredibly sensitive and I have to keep it in check constantly.
Even if I rationalise the situation and know there was no intent to hurt me and ofc my friend cares for me, it doesn't change the initial 'oh...' feeling of my heart sinking a little bit. Which makes me feel pathetic which makes me feel insane which makes me feel even worse about myself even though I shouldn't beat myself up over my neurological disabilities.
Just another joyful day of feeling shame when people hurt me because the hurt I feel is unintentional on their part and people don't think the way I do. Rationality only goes so far. I still feel like a very sad individual right now.
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suncaptor · 29 days
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Maybe I need adderall with adjunct meds. Only probably is I can't tolerate anything and the fact adderall hasn't triggered a bunch of neurological issues is so good I don't want to press my luck by being stupid with an ssri.
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aro-culture-is · 9 months
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autistic aromantic culture is food
.
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mossy-rot · 2 months
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reading about autistic meltdowns is crazy. in retrospect maybe that time i ended up sobbing self isolating and lashing out at people because I couldn't figure out how to set up my laptop the same way it had been before might've been because of The Autism
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lil-gae-disaster · 14 days
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My aunt when my disability is disabling me in not a stereotypical way: 😧😠 "Why don't you just [thing I'm limited in because disability]! I also have [disability] and I don't struggle with this at all! You're just a lazy child!"
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