#because it's not about edmund feeling like second best all the time at all

[paracosmic-murdock]

these colors fade for you only ; benedict bridgerton x reader

pairing: benedict bridgerton x fem!reader

summary: one thing worse than seeing your enemy often was living under the same roof, certainly, and you and benedict suffered from that unfortunate condition. not even the eleven years you've slept separated by a thin wall only helped you overcome that hatred, you would always hate each other. or not really, because it's too definite to say something as such when a few hours could change the meaning of until the end of time.

warnings/tags: enemies to lovers, sexual tension, very inappropriate behavior for the 1810s, colin bridgerton being a little shit, two people who hate each other locked in a room, what could possibly go wrong?, nude paintings, implied smut, song: sunlight (hozier)

word count: 3.2K

❁ mila's paracosm (main masterlist)

One thing about Benedict Bridgerton is how you could ruin even the best of days for him.

One thing about you is how much you loved to make him mad and see the frustration on his face.

Another thing about Benedict Bridgerton is how pathetically obsessed he was with insulting you in any chance he gets.

Another thing about you is how you were willing to do absolutely anything to bother him or tease him.

You acted like children: always arguing, always making fun of each other, always making everyone at Bridgerton House completely insane with your bickering the entire day.

One thing was having to see your enemy often. One way worse was living under the same roof.

Eleven years ago, your parents had an accident, and you have lived with the Bridgertons ever since, as your mother was Violet Bridgerton's best friend since childhood.

Devastated for years, you accompanied the Bridgertons in their grief for Edmund, which was what ultimately gave you strength to go on with your life. All of you.

But that was the very same thing that ignited your rivalry with the second Bridgerton: your enthusiasm would collide with his mourning and harsh words coming out of his mouth you had no will to tolerate.

It began with his insults to you, though you knew he didn't mean to be rude, and it was all his grief doing the talk. When you couldn't tolerate it anymore, you started insulting him back.

Then, Benedict would play pranks that went too far, and you would burn his sketches in the chimney.

Benedict started sabotaging any chance you could get to find a suitor and you would spread silly rumors about his performance in the bedroom with his friends from the Academy.

Thanks to his efforts, not even being named Diamond of the Season was enough for you to find a husband, which was already making you feel like a failure, not to mention a burden to the Bridgertons. Benedict's fault also.

“Anthony, has he come back?”

He gave you a pitiful look. “I am sorry, Y/N, but I spoke to Lord Raeken to ask him his intentions, and he said he was not interested in marrying you.”

“What?” You gasped. “But everything was going so well! He- he invited us for dinner last week! His mother and Aunt Violet befriended each other even!”

“You will not like what I am going to say.” Anthony anticipated, and you already knew whose fault it was.

“It was Benedict?! Again?!”

Anthony nodded. “I talked to him… It was a threat. He said he would fix it, and I promise you that Lord Raeken will propose to you. If not, he is not worthy of you, and that is all.”

“Nobody is worthy of me, then? He… ruined it with the Duke of Sussex, with Lord Leclerc, with the Count-, I… Why does he keep doing this, Anthony?” You whimpered. You didn't even notice when you started crying, but before anything happened, he hugged you tightly. “Has he not tormented me enough already?”

The eldest Bridgerton knew all too well of your inner motives to hate each other, but decided not to meddle in your war anymore unless it was a case as delicate as this.

“Promise me you will not ruin his latest painting, Y/N,” he begged. “I am trying to work on a peace accord between the two of you, so as long as you stop doing things to him, he will stop messing with you.”

You sighed. “If I do not marry this season, I will have no other choice but to find a job as a governess.”

“Why do you even say that?” He frowned.

“Because it has been eleven years of you sponsoring me, and I believe that it is too much time.”

“You think you are a burden for us?” Anthony asked, and your silence answered. “The day you leave us will be one of the saddest for us Bridgertons, Y/N. You are like our sister, and we love you and care about you as such. Perhaps it has not worked before, but do you really believe that a man that loves you will let none other than Benedict intimidate him?”

“Gregory is more threatening than him,” you noted. “And those dimples could melt the coldest of hearts!”

Anthony smiled. “Do not think too much of it. We shall find you a husband before the season ends.”

“Alright.”

“Now go, I believe Colin is expecting you, and I have many things to do.”

“Sure thing.” you replied.

Once you were out of his office, you gathered the baby blue skirt and ran to Benedict's studio. There, you saw the painting Anthony begged you not to ruin.

It was a woman's naked figure, quite a graceful one. And it was beautifully portrayed.

It would be a shame for it to be ruined. Thank God you did not promise Anthony a thing.

It was still wet, so it was not difficult to use other colors and mix them with the paint so it would look different. You also spilled droplets of red and signed your name on the painting where he had his.

Then, you cleaned your hands and ran to the door.

“Colin!” you exclaimed, and he turned around. “We are going to find Benedict right now.”

He frowned, annoyed. “What happened now?”

“Lord Raeken won't marry me for something Benedict did. Now I must speak to him.”

“It is getting late. We will not get to the tailor in time if we go to Benedict first.”

“Please?” You begged Colin. “I can get on my knees if you wish, but please…”

Colin rolled his eyes. “Alright, let's- oh, there he is!”

You looked in the same direction as him and noticed Benedict getting home. He seemed mad, and your face lost all its life when you thought of what could happen when he saw his painting ruined by you.

“Let's get out of here, Colin…” you muttered once Benedict passed you without even saying hello.

“Why? Benedict is here if you wish to talk to him.”

“It might not be a great time right now…”

“Why?”

“Y/N, I swear to God!”

“Because…” You gave Colin a sheepish look at Benedict's scream.

“What did you do?”

“He started it!”

Colin rolled his eyes. “Did you-”

“Come inside right now!” Benedict yelled once he reached the door. “I am dead serious.”

You sighed, walking next to Colin. “He is going to kill me, Colin.”

“You do not know that.”

“I did something bad.”

“So did he.”

You pursed your lips. “Tell Daphne that only Francesca is a good fit to replace me as Auggie's godmother once I die.”

“Do not say that.”

“What on Earth were you thinking?!”

“What on Earth were you thinking?!” You mimicked him, anger coming to surface again as you reached his studio.

“This was an assignment for tomorrow morning!”

“Well, Lord Raeken was my whole future, Benedict!” you yelled back.

“Look at it! It is ruined!”

Colin was annoyed enough of your fights, and seeing the keys was enough for him to know there was only one solution.

So he did it and thought that you would either kill each other or make amends.

The third Bridgerton exited the room quietly and thanked your bickering for being distracting enough so you did not notice when he closed the door and locked it from outside.

“What are you doing?” Anthony asked when he saw Colin lock the door.

“Forcing those two to reconcile.”

The eldest brother chuckled. “Best of luck with that.”

“I know they will get over it,” he said, sitting on the floor next to the door. “I shall stay here even if it takes me the whole night.”

Anthony joined him. “This should be fun.”

“I do not care if it is ruined, Benedict… you can ruin my future but you draw a line at ruined paintings?!”

“Do you not know how important my career is for me?! You can find another suitor anytime!”

You groaned. “This is my third season, and I have not found a husband! I was the Diamond of my first Season, Benedict! And you have been ruining all of them for me!”

“I have not ruined anything. They simply are not a good fit for the family!”

“I am done listening to you.” You walked away from him and tried, in vain, to open the door.

After looking around, you noticed Colin was supposed to be in the room with you but he wasn't.

“Colin Bridgerton, open this door right now!” You banged the door, making him flinch. “Someone, open the door! We are locked in here!”

Benedict believed you simply weren't strong enough to open it, so he joined you trying to open it but couldn't while his brothers hid their laughter. He looked for the keys but couldn't find them either.

“Colin must have taken the keys,” he noted.

You sighed tiredly. “Somebody open the door! Please, we are trapped!”

“Open the door! Colin!”

“They will not let us out.” you told him.

“Perhaps we should just say we made amends and they will open the door.”

“Do you think he is an idiot? Only a fool would believe you and I could reach an agreement overnight, let alone the ten minutes we have been here.”

He groaned, giving up on escaping the room and returning to the conflict. “How are you so blind, Y/N? How can you fail to see that they are not right for the family?”

“I beg your pardon?! You do not even know them!”

“Is that so?” he questioned, getting closer to you. “Lord Leclerc, a widower who had lovers left and right while his late wife was terribly ill, the Duke of Sussex is a dull rat, and the Count had three illegitimate children by the time he set foot on Mayfair. They are not good people for us.”

“If that is what worries you so, I can leave forever after I marry!”

“Do you truly think this family will survive a week without seeing you? Mother is devastated at Daphne's absence… yours would kill her.”

You rolled your eyes. “We are not even a real family, are we? I am not related to you, I am a mere burden, so why do you not take any of them as your chance to get rid of me?”

“I did not mean that. Stop bringing it to the table each time it suits your purpose to manipulate me.”

“I could seriously kill you with my bare hands right now, Benedict…” you spoke, outraged. “What is it that I did for you to hate me so much?!”

“It is not worth talking about that now.”

“Why are you like this with me, Benedict? At this point, I would marry just about any man who could take me away from you.”

His heart skipped a beat. “We can't just let you marry anyone, alright?”

“Why do you even care?!”

“Because I cannot let you go with someone I do not trust…”

“What will it even take for you to trust any of them?”

“I could never trust them, Y/N, because I can't trust in someone who does not love you devotedly and absolutely.”

Your lips formed a line of disdain at his words. “How would you even know they don't if you do not give them the chance to truly get to me?”

“Because no one does.”

“Wow,” you laughed bitterly. “Thanks for reminding me how unlovable I am.”

“You do not understand, Y/N.”

“Explain it to me, then!” You asked, you begged him.

“No one does it like I do, my goodness!” he screamed, and you were sure it echoed through the whole floor.

You choked on your own spit at his confession, and at the other side of the door, Colin and Anthony looked at each other completely flabbergasted.

“We should leave.” Anthony whispered. “Unlock the door.”

Colin nodded. “I agree, we should let them out.”

Anthony nodded and left, but Colin was determined.

He certainly did not unlock the door.

“What?” you asked in almost a whisper.

Benedict seemed surprised at his own words, as if he had spoken from ignorance because… it couldn't be real, could it? He couldn't be in love with you.

“I…”

“Benedict…”

“You are my family,” he ‘corrected’ himself. “Conflict in families is not uncommon. It is fine. I care about you, and I… we do not want you to be the wife of a man that does not deserve you, Y/N. You are sunlight, and they are nothing but a gray sky.”

You breathed out shakily, looking at his blue eyes deeply, feeling like you had never seen such blue in your entire life. “I am sorry about your painting.”

“It is alright, I will try to fix it; maybe if Colin lets us out, I can go back to the Academy before it is too late. Find a model-”

“Is that what you need? A model?”

Benedict cleared his throat, guessing where it was going, though scared of it. “Yes, but it should not be difficult to find one at the Academy.”

“We will not be let out,” you reminded him and gave it all a careful thought.

You were aware it wasn't right. He was a man, and you were a woman who was not married to him. He must not see you naked under any circumstances, but again… he saved you from those men who weren't worth it, and you paid him by ruining his artwork. It was not fair, so you owed him.

You could break the rules a little. After all, you were locked in a room for God only knows how long.

So you nodded and started undressing. “I could model for you if that is what you need.”

“What? Do not, I-”

“What is the difference between that woman and I?”

Benedict's brain told him to stop you. It was definitely not right for a lady like you to be seen naked before marriage. Worse than that, be painted.

“Y/N…”

“Am I not interesting enough to paint, Benedict?” you questioned as your dress reached the floor. “I just wish to make up for what I did.”

You started undoing your corset under his careful eyes.

“If what worries you is my identity, I believe you could use the other model's face,” you added once the corset was discarded and your bosom fully exposed to him. “It is intact in your painting.”

“I am afraid your grace cannot be compared.”

You exhaled nervously when your shaking hands reached the beginning of your underpants. “Then make justice to it.”

Finally, you stood completely naked before him and didn't dare to be modest about it.

“Paint me.”

You walked to the couch and laid in a similar position as the model in his painting.

“I cannot ask that of you.” He tried one last time, gathering all the strength in his body… You were a lady, and he was a gentleman; no matter how rare that would be of him to stop you. It was not right, but what a sight he had before him.

“Then it is good that I offered.” you refuted.

He doubted for longer than he is willing to admit, but ultimately approached you with hesitant steps.

“Allow me,” he whispered as he reached you. You nodded, and he accommodated your head so you would be looking up at the ceiling and your hands to cover what could be seen of your face to his art's convenience delicately. His touch, hot, caused goosebumps on your skin. A gasp left your lips. “You truly are beautiful.”

“Thank you.” you mumbled.

Benedict returned to the canvas, telling himself he could do this.

He shouldn't.

But if your face wouldn't be seen, it would do no harm. Only you and him would know it's you.

A few hours had passed and the night had fallen. It was difficult to paint with the growing darkness hiding your features, so he left his piece for a second to find some candles.

Before he returned to the canvas, you spoke. “Am I doing it well?”

“You certainly are,” he praised you. “A natural indeed.”

You had goosebumps once again.

What is wrong with me?, you asked yourself.

How could Benedict, of all people, make you feel like this? How could he control the speed of your heartbeat with mere words? How could he turn your skin into a burning mess that acted as if it was freezing? How could he make your hands sweat each time he got closer? How could he make you forget how much you despised him after he said he loved you?

How did he love you? He said you were family, but he did not dare to call you a sister like his siblings always do. No, this was a different kind of love: the kind of love you read about in the romance novels you have stolen from his library, because that is the way you were feeling near his presence, under his stare, at his touch.

“Come here,” you commanded long before you thought what you would say. He complied, flying to you like a moth to a flame, but you were sunlight: billions of times more powerful, and you could consume him long before he dared to reach you. He felt like a moth with wigs made of wax, melting with each step that brought him close to you. Gladly. “How do you love me, Benedict?”

“What?”

It was unbelievable that a man of words like him could act so clueless, but there he was. Oblivious to your passion, not to mention his.

“I have always been your Mama's daughter and your brothers and sisters' sister. But I have never been yours,” you mentioned. “Why, if you love me so?”

“Y/N…” His hand caressed your face, and you took the other to put it on your left breast where he could feel your heart beating.

“Kiss me if what my beating heart says about your love is true.” It was an order, and that heart of yours was certainly right.

And right then, he knew he was careless of his own insignificance. He would fly as high as the melting wax allowed him to and fall as deep into the ocean as his own weight imposed.

He could drown and disappear, live and die for this moment. For all the frustration that has haunted him all those years of loathing and yearning. For his sunlight, for you.

He kissed you, and you returned the kiss as if your lips had ever touched others before.

They haven't.

They shouldn't.

But they are now.

It was an angry kiss. Wet, carnal, breathless, hot, feral, everything.

His lips did not caress yours or danced with yours, no; they fought and devoured yours, and you gave in.

It was exquisite but depraved in a way you couldn't bring yourself to explain, and you absolutely loved it.

Once the kiss ended, you were the first to talk. “Take it all off.”

He breathed out, nerves he does not recall to have ever felt scared his determination away.

He felt as pathetic as those men he threatened to ruin if they were to set foot in the same room as you ever again, and he took off his clothes with the urgency of a task set by the scary educator of his childhood.

You looked at him, took it all in, and gave him space to lay beside you.

“It's just us, Benedict…” you let out, your breath blending with his. “You can love me now.”

His cue.

#benedict bridgerton #bridgerton fanfiction #benedict bridgerton x reader #bridgerton #benedict bridgerton fanfiction #benedict bridgerton x you #benedict bridgerton smut #benedict bridgerton imagine #bridgerton imagine

[yamayuandadu]

The fabrication of a storm god: Susanoo, Taishakuten (Indra) and their histories

When I found this ask in my inbox recently, I initially admittedly wanted to only give a short, dismissive response. After all, the similarity between these two is completely superficial. And, truth to be told, it’s more a vague similarity between how they are presented as “storm gods” by questionable online sources than between their actual roles. However, I quickly realized that would not accomplish much. The best way to counter misconceptions is to show reality is more interesting - and in the case of complex figures with long histories, this requires time and effort. The response, like the recent Tamamo no Mae one, kept growing as a result, and evolved into a fully blown unplanned post. Under the cut, you will find a brief examination of the origin of the erroneous notion that Susanoo was ever understood a “storm god”, as well as a summary of his character  character, the main deities linked to him in the Japanese “middle ages”, and finally his fate after the Meiji restoration. In the second half, I deal with the Japanese reception of Indra. While not actually related to Susanoo, he is nonetheless a complex deity worth exploring, even though it feels like he’s not particularly appreciated by hobbyists and his central role in medieval cosmology hardly gets acknowledged.

Victorian confabulations and Meiji mirages: the fabrication of a storm god

Susanoo vanquishing Yamata no Orochi, as depicted by Yoshitoshi Tsukioka (wikimedia commons)

Contrary to what you might have seen in numerous online sources of dubious quality, Susanoo is not a “storm god” (let alone a “thunder god” more specifically). Nothing to that effect shows up in standard points of reference like Encyclopedia of Shinto, and even Wikipedia despite arbitrarily putting him in the weather god category only musters a single 2000 paper which I’ve never seen cited in subsequent Susanoo research as “evidence” of a weather connection. 

The most recent in depth treatments of Susanoo in English are a section of Bernard Faure’s monograph Rage and Ravage and David Weiss’ The God Susanoo and Korea in Japan’s Cultural Memory: Ancient Myths and Modern Empire. The former at no point makes any claims pertaining to the weather while discussing him. The latter notes the view that Susanoo was a “storm god” enjoyed some popularity in the late nineteenth century because of the influence of the now long abandoned school of “nature mythology”, in which deities are only ever representations of natural phenomena. This theory was originally formulated by Edward Burnett Tylor, who basically admitted no actual Japanese sources ever present him as a “storm god”, but that this character is nonetheless evident in his vibes (obviously not how he phrased it, but his study deserves no more dignified summary). Tylor’s nonsense was subsequently taken up by a certain Edmund Buckle, who randomly connected his forerunner’s oc with Indra because I guess all weather gods are basically interchangeable (there’s an interesting point to be made about how they’re the one group of male deities who are often treated in poor quality scholarship the way goddesses usually are). By 1899, the theory reached Japan, where it caused a prolonged academic debacle. However, it seems supporters of this view, much like in the west, were the followers of the long since abandoned notion of “nature mythology”. Among the theory’s opponents were researchers such as Masaharu Anesaki. As far as I can tell, it’s essentially irrelevant today.

The oldest available information about Susanoo’s actual character comes from the Kojiki and the Nihon Shoki. I don’t think that needs to be discussed here in detail. Even though I often overestimate other people’s familiarity with mythology I think it’s fair to say everyone with just a passing interest in Japan knows at least the basics of the myths about his conflict with his sister Amaterasu, his banishment, and subsequent victory over the serpent Yamata no Orochi. It will suffice to say the oldest recorded mythical image of him is that of an ambivalent deity, a heroic monster slayer on one hand, a transgressor and exile on the other. This polarity remains a core part of him for the rest of his history. The other early sources dealing with Susanoo are various fudoki, regional records. They indicate that in the eighth century he already was connected with diseases. Later on in the Heian period, he also came to be associated with purification. Or to be more precise - he came to be viewed as the archetypal target of purification, in a way. His misdeeds from classical mythology became examples of deeds requiring such ceremonies, performed variously by courtly ritual specialists like the Nakatomi clan, Buddhist clergy, or onmyōdō masters. He also functioned as a jinushi, a “landholder deity” of often ambivalent character tied to a specific location, and an araburugami, a “raging god” defined by causing havoc out of hubris (as opposed to malice).

Gozu Tennō and others: the network of medieval Susanoo Susanoo’s character developed through the Japanese “middle ages” in no small part through associations with other deities, typically caused by his incorporation into Buddhism.

A composite Susanoo-Gozu Tennō, as depicted by Sadahide Utagawa (Östasiatiska Museet, Stockholm)

The single most important figure he came to be linked with was by far Gozu Tennō, the “Bull-Headed Heavenly King”. While religious and literary texts present him as a deity from India, the guardian of the Jetavana monastery, and he was even furnished with an artificial Sanskrit name, Gomagriva Devaraja, his origin is actually uncertain. It’s possible he was inspired by a misreading of a passage from the travelog of the Chinese monk Faxian (c. 337-442). He visited Jetavana in the early fifth century, and reported that there was a statue of a bull next to the monastery’s door, before moving on to describing the supposed first image of the Buddha, which according to him was made from legendary “ox-head sandalwood” and impervious to fire. Confusion between these two passages might have led to the creation of an ox-headed deity. Other proposals are present in scholarship too, but ultimately the matter remains unclear. What is evident is that Susanoo and Gozu Tennō shared many similarities: the latter also was an archetypal “raging deity”, and he too was linked with pestilence. An argument can be made that he was the disease spirit par excellence in medieval Japan, in fact. When properly worshiped, he was supposed to protect the faithful from illnesses, as expected from a deity of this variety. They also shared an association with foreign lands: Gozu Tennō primarily with India, but also with China and Korea, while Susanoo just with Korea, due to a Nihon Shoki episode where he travels to the kingdom of Silla. Yet another point of connection is that both were simultaneously recognized as manifestations of Yakushi (the “medicine Buddha”). Therefore, it comes as no surprise that at the Gion shrine in Kyoto, and in many other locations across Japan, the two were identified fully.

However, the link was at times conceptualized differently than as interchangeability between the two. For instance, Kaneyoshi Ichijō’s treatise Kuji Kongen (公事根源; “Roots of Court Administration and Ceremonies”) Gozu Tennō is merely an “acolyte” (warawabe, 童部) of Susanoo. Granted, this author eventually came to view them as identical himself, which shows how fluid medieval theology could be.

A humorous depiction of Susanoo and Kushinadahime serving pieces of Yamata no Orochi prepared like grilled eel (Ōta Memorial Museum of Art; reproduced here for educational purposes only)

The identification between Susanoo and Gozu Tennō also extended to their wives, respectively Kushinadahime and Harisaijo (波梨采女), as evident for example in the Shaku Nihongi. The latter was regarded as a daughter of the dragon king Sāgara. Things are made slightly awkward by the Nihon Shoki Sanso, where she is a manifestation of Yamata no Orochi (one of the multiple cases of putting a positive spin on the snake). Susanoo in the guise of Gozu Tennō thus effectively marries his nemesis. The marriage itself is a subject of a number of myths. According to Hoki Naiden (簠簋内伝), an onmyōdō manual, the “heavenly emperor” (Taishakuten, one would presume, based on information I’ll discuss later) de facto played the role of a matchmaker between Harisaijo and Gozu Tennō. When the latter was lamenting that due to his monstrous, yaksha-like form - he had the head of a bull - he will never find love, a bird sent by the celestial ruler informed him that it would be appropriate for him and Sāgara’s daughter to get married. This suggestion then evidently works out just fine, and the couple subsequently have eight children, the Hachiōji (八王子, “eight princes”) over the course of thirty seven years.

Hyōbi (wikimedia commons)

There are multiple slightly divergent traditions about the identities of the children. The most notable variable is that a goddess named Jadokkeshin (蛇毒気神; also read Dadokuke no kami; “deity of poisonous snake breath”) sometimes appears among them, sometimes is treated as an independent deity serving Gozu Tennō, and sometimes takes the role of his spouse (in at least one case with Harisaijo quite literally relegated to the role of his ex). She is also identified with the astral deity Hyōbi (豹尾, “leopard tail”) and by extension with Ketu.

Another figure who was closely linked with Susanoo in the middle ages was Matarajin. This tradition was associated with Gakuen-ji. In a local legend, Susanoo started to be called Matarajin after being buried underneath it. I won’t dwell much on Matarajin here since I already wrote a lot about him, and will write even more in the near future, so it will suffice to say the two share a connection to diseases. In Matarajin’s case it is the most pronounced in the “ox festival” still held in modern times at Kōryū-ji.

Shinra Myōjin (wikimedia commons)

Connections between Susanoo and Matarajin’s fellow Tendai old man disease-related deities Sekizan Myōjin and Shinra Myōjin are documented too. Bernard Faure argues that in fact it was Shinra Myōjin who first developed such an association, and it was only transferred to Matarajin as well because of the numerous analogies between them. 

A distinct tradition regarding Susanoo developed in the theology of Ise (“Ryōbu shintō”), which as expected was Amaterasu-centric (but also Dainichi-centric!). He came to be linked with Mara and Devadatta as a representation of “fundamental ignorance”, with the conflict between him and Amaterasy gaining an additional Buddhist dimension. At the same time, in the noh play Dairokuten (第六天), which deals with Jōkei’s pilgrimage to Ise, Susanoo appears to protect this monk from Mara. Evidently, in this context Susanoo and Amaterasu are hardly opposed to each other, seeing as the former de facto intervenes on behalf of the latter. 

While the notion of rivalry between the siblings obviously did not vanish in the middle ages, and in fact new myths about it started to circulate (in one Matarajin assists Susanoo), it can be argued that it was ultimately the new conflict between Amaterasu and Mara that was central to many medieval theologies. While she and Susanoo could be portrayed as antagonistic, there is a case to be made that there were more similarities between medieval ideas about them than there were differences. That was not meant to last, though.

Later developments

The tradition of associating Susanoo with assorted medieval deities first came under criticism in the eighteenth century. Sadakage Amano, an early proponent of kokugaku ("national learning", an early Japanese nationalist ideology) ideas, wrote a treatise dealing with this matter, Gozu Tennō Ben (牛頭天王辨, “Clarification on Gozu Tennō”). Its core premise is that monks and shrine priests alike are deceptively trying to present “foreign” deities as identical with “native” ones. This point was further developed in the nineteenth century by another kokugaku big name, Atsutane Hirata. 

Hirata's self portrait (wikimedia commons)

He reaffirmed that presenting Susanoo and Gozu Tennō as related deities was a nefarious plot, and blamed Kibi no Makibi for starting it. He argued that Makibi spent too much time in China and as a result forsake a pristinely Japanese way of thinking (whatever that wouldn't entail). As a result, when he heard the legend of ox-head sandalwood, which was believed to grow on the mythical continent Uttarakuru and cure diseases, he turned it into a deity, who he subsequently brought to Japan. Then he identified him with Susanoo to increase his prestige.

Was that the historical truth? Kibi no Makibi was an envoy to China and spent around 20 years on the mainland, that much is undeniable. However, the only connection between him and Gozu Tennō I was able to track down is a local legend pertaining to Mount Hiromine in which he meets this deity in a dream, though.

Ultimately like most of Hirata’s writing, his theory consists virtually entirely of confabulations, mostly motivated by extreme levels of xenophobia. Rather ironic for a movement which originally largely developed among the most hardcore neo-Confucian thinkers in Japan. Granted, that’s hardly the only baffling thing about them. The best way to understand what was going on in the heads of kokugaku proponents is to recall how contemporary marble bust profile pic “the west has fallen” trads or Bible literalist creationists function, and adjust that image for the specifics of the Edo period. 

Still, kokugaku theories, nonsensical as they were, kept developing, and finally gained government support after the Meiji revolution. In 1868, the Council of State proclaimed that shrines can no longer use “inappropriate” names to refer to their deities. Gozu Tennō was the only example brought up directly, in part possibly because with the reestablishment of the power of the emperor and the rise of the imperial cult it was viewed as suspicious that a deity unrelated to the imperial court had the moniker of tennō (written with different signs, though). The edict also contains a blanket ban on any name with the element gongen. As a result of the new policies numerous locations had to be renamed, and for the most part the history of Gozu Tennō came to an end. He and his peers eventually came back into the spotlight in the second half of the twentieth century as subjects of scholarly inquiries, and the field of study of medieval and early modern Japanese religions is now booming, with entire monographs and articles published in multiple languages each year, but that’s another story.

The history of Susanoo obviously did not end in the 1860s, though. What followed was probably the single darkest page in it, an era of intense efforts to make him identical with Dangun, the legendary founder of Korea. The goal was explicitly to justify Japanese colonial control over Korea through faux-spiritual means. Since Japanese colonial domination of Korea is a relatively recent and deeply serious historical issue compared to what I cover most of the time, I feel it would be inappropriate to deal with it in the same article as medieval literature which ultimately lacks much of a tangible impact on the modern world, so I hope you won’t mind I don’t go deeper into the detail here. 

With the matter of Susanoo now settled, let’s move on to Indra. The two were never associated with each other, but the latter developed an equally vibrant network of roles and associated deities around him as Susanoo after being transmitted to Japan.

From Indra to Taishakuten

A typical Hindu depiction of thousand-eyed Indra (wikimedia commons)

Indra has a long and complex history, so long he is in fact attested a handful of times in bronze age cuneiform already as one of the notoriously mysterious non-Hurrian Mitanni deities (sic), invoked as personal deities of the royal house in a lengthy treaty oath. This makes him one of the very few “bridges” between my two major normally disconnected interests (the “cuneiform world” on one hand, and East Asian religions and art on the other).

The biggest early text corpus dealing with Indra are the Vedas, where he is the single most frequently mentioned deity, with quite literally hundreds of hymns praising him. Naturally, he remained a part of the history of Hinduism later on, and today he is still well known thanks to his role in popular epics like Ramayana. His relevance is not limited to this system of beliefs alone, though. He has a small (negative) role in the Avesta (see here), and he was embraced by various schools of Buddhism across much of Asia. 

In early Buddhism, the prestige of Indra was not particularly great. This obviously reflects the fact that the formative years of Buddhism were also a period of Indra’s relative decline as an actively worshiped god back at home at the expense of deities central in contemporary Hinduism like Vishnu and Shiva. However, he surprisingly regained some of his original prestige thanks to developments which occurred outside of India. This is well documented in East Asia in particular. I’ll only cover his Japanese reception here - therefore, through most of the rest of the article I will use his Japanese name, Taishakuten (帝釈天), accordingly. Buddhism emphasizes not Indra’s warlike side and his battles with asuras, let alone a connection with the weather, but rather his role as a heavenly ruler. He keeps epithets related to his 1000 eyes, but to the best of my knowledge this is not really reflected in Buddhist art, especially not in Japan. Another role retained by him in Buddhism is that of a directional deity, the protector of the east.

Something that’s worth highlighting is that asuras in general just aren’t that big of a deal in Japanese Buddhism. Outside of enumerations of non-human sentient beings, only Rahu and Ketu have a substantial role, and that’s more because they’re astral deities rather than because they’re asuras. Otherwise the entire category is about as opaque as mahoragas (when you look up “mahoraga” online 99% results are a Jujutsu Kaisen character, as it turns out, which speaks volumes about their general obscurity) and the like. Hard to make opposition to them the focus of a major deity when even gandharvas have a bigger role to play.

I can only think of a handful of major references to battles between Taishakuten and asuras in Japanese literature: an offhand comment in Heike Monogatari (courtesy of Kenreimon-in), a passage from the Taiheiki where Jōkei (who you already met earlier in this article) has the privilege to watch the parties involved reenact the conflict for his benefit, and a myth cited by Annen with no source provided, possibly invented by him. The innovation is that Marici (Marishiten) is a major combatant on the side of the devas, something with no parallel in any other source, whether Buddhist or Hindu. Rahu is singled out among the asuras as an enemy of Taishakuten, but that’s hardly unparalleled.

The conventional image of Taishakuten

A conventional depiction of Taishakuten (wikimedia commons)

For the average Japanese person through much of the country’s history, the most frequent exposure to Taishakuten were standardized oath formulas (kishōmon). These followed a strict hierarchy of deities: Taishakuten, Bonten (Brahma) and the four heavenly kings first, then king Enma, Godo Daishin (Wudao Dashen), Taizan Fukun and other underworld officials (sometimes assisted by astral figures), then kami and representations of Buddhas tied to specific localities (for example the great Buddha of Tōdai-ji), and sometimes various religiously significant historical figures like prince Shotoku or Buddhist patriarchs. Obviously, Taishakuten’s elevated position reflects his role as a heavenly ruler - the “heavenly emperor”, tentei (天帝).

The residence of Taishakuten is the heaven of the thirty three devas (忉利天, Tōriten, a calque from Sanskrit Trāyastriṃśa). It is located on Mount Sumeru, the center of the world according to Buddhist cosmology. Sources from the Heian period indicate the existence of a belief Taishakuten’s heaven is unique in that women could be reborn in it after death without first reincarnating as men. This distinction was otherwise only attributed to the pure land of Maitreya. Note it was not Taishakuten himself who was responsible for guaranteeing that, though, but rather the bodhisattva Fugen, who was particularly popular among Heian court ladies.

Karai Tenjin (wikimedia commons)

Taishakuiten’s major position in the Buddhist-influenced cosmos is also evident in literary compositions focused on other deities. For example, in the Dōken Shōnin Meidoki (道賢上人冥途記, “Record of Dōken Shōnin’s Experience of the Other World”), a version of the legend of Michizane, his revenge is supported by Taishakuten, who gives him a new name, Nihon Dajō Itoku Ten (日本太政威徳天). This is meant to show his banishment was a religious transgression, and we also learn that the emperor responsible for it, Daigo, fell into hell as a result. However, esoteric Buddhism is  also credited with calming Michizane down - as he explains himself, “bodhisattvas (...) were there, and they enthusiastically propagated the esoteric teachings. Because I liked these teachings very much, one-tenth of my deeply seated enmity from my past was reduced.” This obviously goes against the more common legend where being enshrined pacifies Michizabe entirely. In the Dōken version he announces that the enshrined deity, who he calls Karai Taiki Dokuō (火雷大気毒王; “King of Fire-Thunder and Poisonous Air”), is merely his messenger #3 (#1 and #2 are not mentioned).

The closest thing I can think of to Taishakuten being associated with the weather in Japanese sources occurs in a version of the Michizane legend, too: in another variant, Michizane states it was Taishakuten alone who permitted him to enact his vengeance and entrusted him with commanding 105000 thunder gods (in the Dōken Shōnin Meidoki there are 168000 attendants instead, “poisonous dragons, evil demons, deities of water and fire, thunder and lightning, the director of the wind, the master of the rain, and other poisonous, harmful, and evil deities”) and causing disasters. 

From emperor to heaven to controller of fate

Due to his prominent cosmological role Taishakuten is also described in many sources as a  controller of fate responsible for determining the lifespans of living beings. Sometimes, in this capacity he basically overlaps with king Enma - for example, Shishi Yaloan, a Buddhist encyclopedia from the eleventh century, states that he also possesses a mirror in which he can check on his subjects. A local tradition from Tateyama states that he lives on the Taishaku Peak of Mt. Tate, simultaneously regarded as an entrance to Buddhist hell. However, while Enma and the other kings of hell generally stay there, Taishakuten takes a more proactive role, seeking information about the good and bad deeds of the living. Initially, it was believed that a survey of the whole world was conducted on his behalf by the four heavenly kings, but by the tenth century, a belief that he performs it himself every four months himself developed.

The famously unconventional depiction of Taishakuten from Shibamata Taishakuten, still distributed today in the form of ofuda (wikimedia commons)

In the Edo period, Taishakuten as a controller of fate developed a connection with deities associated with the tradition of kōshin nights. In this context he became the deity the three worms living in every person’s body report their good and bad deeds to. Temples associated with him, like Shibamata Taishakuten (famous among other things for its unconventional images of the eponymous deity), were historically a popular destination for pilgrimages tied to kōshin celebrations.

While the fate connection ultimately came to the forefront in Japan, it would be unfair to say it entirely superseded the original heavenly role. As a matter of fact, it was the fact that Taishakuten was a “heavenly emperor” (tentei) that made him such a good fit for kōshin.

The elusive "emissary of Taishaku" As early as in the Muromachi period, yet another deity came to be viewed as responsible for Taishakuten's survey of the world in a variant tradition: one of the so-called “ambulatory deities” (遊行神, yugyōjin; “ambulatory” as in “wandering”, not in the medical sense) , Ten’ichi(jin) (天一神; also read Nakagami), literally “the first deity of heaven”. He was regarded as a “vassal” of Taishakuten and the commander of the Twelve Heavenly Generals. Each of his cyclical surveys of the world lasted 44 days (four times five days for each of the main directions and then four times six for the intermediate ones). That was followed by sixteen days during which he reported the vices and virtues he recorded to Taishakuten in heaven, with his own underling Nichiyū(jin) (日遊神; “playing sun deity”) descending to earth instead. During Tenichi’s absence, which started with a day referred to as Ten’ichi tenjō (天一天上), directional taboos pertaining to various astral deities, which normally had to be countered with a practice known as “changing directions” (方違え, katatagae), did not apply.

Taishaku Shisha (top right) and his peers accompanying Dakiniten (wikimedia commons)

Another interesting thing about Ten’ichi is that he was identified with an elusive deity known simply as Taishaku Shisha (帝釈使者), literally “emissary of Taishaku”. At first glance this doesn’t really sound interesting - after all, Taishaku Shisha’s name sounds exactly like what Ten’ichi does - but completely unexpectedly, the former actually belongs to the entourage of Dakiniten. His attributes make him resemble officials of the underworld, though he is never portrayed as menacing, always as benign, and his duty is to report the good and bad deeds to his superiors, much like Ten’ichi does. He additionally functions as a god of wisdom, which according to Bernard Faure might reflect Dakiniten’s link to the bodhisattva Monju, famous due to an association with this concept.

Curiously, while Taishaku Shisha is at least nominally a member of a group of four “acolytes” of Dakiniten alongside Tennyoshi (天女子; “heavenly maiden”; holds a bow), Shakunyoshi (赤女子; “red maiden”; holds a halberd and a “seduction jewel”, aikei-gyoku, 愛敬玉) and Kokunyoshi (黒女子; “black maiden”; holds a sword and a black jewel), he is sometimes described as de facto separate from them. Perhaps the fact his very name links him with another deity has something to do with that. Also, he is absent from the origin myth of the three maidens, who according to Hoki Naiden flew to Japan from India. According to Bernard Faure, it is possible his roles overlapped in part with Dakiniten’s own emissaries, the tengu Tonyūgyō (頓遊行; brings happiness) and Suyochisō (須臾馳走; brings longevity).

Dakiniten, “demon kings” and Amaterasu: the network of Taishakuten

Dakiniten (wikimedia commons)

Taishakuten’s connection with Dakiniten goes beyond the figure of Taishaku Shisa. The Mizōukyo (未曽有經) contains a myth according to which a fox once tricked Indra into accepting the animal as his master is recorded. It serves as an explanation for the notably fox-like Dakiniten’s elevated role in the royal ascension rite devised by Shingon priests (it was still performed in the 19th century, emperor Meiji was the first to abstain from it). In folk beliefs Taishakuten was also sometimes assigned the role of the “master of the foxes”, which normally belonged to her instead.

The link to these animals according to Bernard Faure might have reflected a more ambivalent perception of Taishakuten than usually expected. The other possible piece of evidence in favor of this interpretation is a poem which proclaims that he and Tsuno Daishi, the demonic manifestation of Ryōgen, look “like brothers”. The latter is a complex figure, but it will suffice to say here that historically he was sometimes perceived as a “demon king” (魔王, maō). On the other hand, the original holder of this title, the “Demon King of the Sixth Heaven” (in other words, Mara) was said to offer his blood to Taishakuten on “blood-shunning days” (地幅, chi-imbi). In practical terms, this meant a religious prohibition on the drawing of blood, acupuncture and moxibustion on a specific day, different each month. I need to stress here that even though figures such as Dakiniten and the “demon kings” obviously originated in the realm of demonology - respectively as a flesh-eating, vital essence-stealing demon and as the tempter of the Buddha - they eventually developed much more complex and nuanced characters. Therefore, it is not unexpected major deities appear in association with them. In the middle ages, even Amaterasu was frequently linked with them. Funnily enough, in contrast with Susanoo Amaterasu does have a connection to Taishakuten as well. Tenshō Daijin Kuketsu (天照大神口決; “Oral Transmission.Pertaining to the Great Goddess Amaterasu”) from 1328 states that she corresponds to him - but also to Bonten, Shōten (Ganesha), the kushōjin (倶生神; these would take a bit to explain), king Enma and Godō Daijin. Granted, another roughly contemporary treatise, Reikiki, instead proclaims Taishakuten, the “heavenly emperor” (tentei; just like in the later kōshin tradition) the “kami-body” of Toyouke, the outer shrine Ise deity. However, these matters ultimately go beyond the scope of this response. Stay tuned for my article about medieval Amaterasu to find out more!

Bibliography

Ryūichi Abe, Women and the “Heike Nōkyō”: the Dragon Princess, the Jewel and the Buddha

Bernard Faure, The Fluid Pantheon (Gods of Medieval Japan vol. 1)

Idem, Protectors and Predators  (Gods of Medieval Japan vol. 2)

Idem, Rage and Ravage (Gods of Medieval Japan vol. 3)

Gerald Gromer, A Year in Seventeenth-Century Kyoto. Edo-Period Writings on Annual Ceremonies, Festivals, and Customs

Takuya Hino, The Daoist Facet of Kinpusen and Sugawara no Michizane Worship in the Dōken Shōnin Meidoki: A Translation of the Dōken Shōnin Meidoki

Nobumi Iyanaga, Medieval Shintō as a Form of 'Japanese Hinduism': An Attempt at Understanding Early Medieval Shintō

William Lindsey, Religion and the Good Life: Motivation, Myth, and Metaphor in a Tokugawa Female Lifestyle Guide

Fabio Rambelli, Before the First Buddha: Medieval Japanese Cosmogony and the Quest for the Primeval Kami

Hiroo Satō, Wrathful Deities and Saving Deities in: Fabio Rambelli and Mark Teeuwen (eds.), Buddhas and Kami in Japan. Honji Suijaku as a Combinatory Paradigm

Idem, The Emergence of Shinkoku (Land of the Gods) Ideology in Japan in: Henk Blezer and Mark Teeuwen (eds.), Challenging Paradigms. Buddhism and Nativism: Framing Identity Discourse in Buddhist Environments

David Weiss, The God Susanoo and Korea in Japan’s Cultural Memory: Ancient Myths and Modern Empire.

#susanoo #taishakuten #japanese esoteric buddhism #japanese mythology

[anapotatowriter]

Meet - cute

Five Hargreeves x reader

A/N: While I am working on some of my requests for Edmund Pevensie, here is a Five Hargreeves fanfiction! Feel free to request for him, or any other TUA character. Also, this is definitely because I can’t wait to see Five in Season 3 :)

Summary: Y/N is a shy book worm. But where her best friends, the Hargreeves, and her best friend (and crush) are threatened, she doesn’t seem so sweet.

Contains: Swearing, some spoilers for books, horrible knowledge of the years where these kids were still teenagers, Ben doesn’t die and Five doesn’t time travel to the apocalypse, lots of events take place in the past (written in italics), horrible story that I have a hate-love relationship with :)

ALSO, NO SPOILERS FOR SEASON 3

Requested: All of my own bestie!

Tagging @art-junkie-13, cause she was the first person I talked to about the story :)

"Y/N! Can you please buy some pasta sauce! We need it for dinner tonight," yelled my mother from her room. "Yes, mum," I yelled back, going to her room and taking the money she held out to me. I picked up a light sweater to protect myself against the spring breeze. I also picked up the play I had recently started reading. I strolled down the street, giggling softly at the swirling leaves and flowers in the wind, before turning down to my book, my tied-up hair keeping the small strands out of my face. Just as Romeo met Juliet at the masked ball, a boy crashed into me, sending me, sprawling backward. The book went flying from my hand, though the money remained tightly within my grasp. My now free hand went back to catch my fall, forcing my wrist to bend back. I yelped softly in pain, cradling my left hand as tears welled in my eyes. "Shit," I hear a voice mumble before someone knelt next to me. "Are you okay?" he asked, his black hair falling into his piercing green eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I squeaked out, not wanting to bother him. "I am so sorry, you can go on, it was my fault anyway," I mumbled, trying to stand up despite the pain in my wrist. "Nonsense, I crashed into you, the least I could do is help you out," he said, helping me stand up before fetching my book. "Romeo and Juliet, huh? I never understood the big deal about them," he said, smirking at me after he glanced at the book cover. "Really? I have read all of Shakespeare, and this one was my favorite. First, because crashing into each other is the best meet-cute ever. Second, I guess it helps me understand that love is dangerous. It's not sane or straight. Love can be twisted, malicious, insane, unreasonable, and painful. But that's what makes it worth it," I said, going off on a rant before trailing off when I noticed the perplexed expression on his face. "I'm sorry, you probably don't care," I muttered, pushing a strand of hair that had escaped my hair tie behind my ear. "Oh no, I just found your perspective interesting. I never did look at it that way. Just looked at it like teenagers who just killed like, 6 people. And that way, technically we had a meet-cute, huh?" he smirked, making me glance at my shoes in embarrassment. "Anyway, I'll help you home," he said, making me protest. "Don't you have to go home?" I questioned, making him rub the back of his neck. Just as he opened his mouth to explain, I interrupted him. “Oh wait, I’m sorry, this is me,” I mumbled. “My house number is 109… come visit if you get the time, you’re nice,” I continued, and he smiled a little. “Pinky promise,” I said, sticking my pinky finger out to him. He stared at my finger before hesitatingly wrapping his pinky around mine. “Bye,” he said, sticking his hands in his pockets and walking back down where we came. “I’m Y/N, by the way,” I called after him, as I looked at his retreating figure. “Nice to meet you, Y/ N,” he called out, not bothering to turn around, just raising his hand as he walked away.

I sat on my bed, reading Pride and Prejudice, the flashlight the only form of illumination in the otherwise dark bedroom. My hair was tied up and piled on top of my head in a bun, to keep the hair out of my face as I leaned over my book. Suddenly, I heard a loud whoosh and a blue spark illuminated the corner of my room. I jumped and held my flashlight in between both my hands, staring at the corner of my room. “Ow,” a voice groaned, and I threw my flashlight while yelling, “STRANGER DANGER, STRANGER DANGER!” “Ow, what the fuck Y/N,” said the voice, making me squint in the darkness, the flashlight now off from the collision with the stranger. “Oh, it’s you! The kid I met on the street? How did you end up here?” I asked, staring at him warily. “I’m Five Hargreeves,” he said, smacking my flashlight against his palm to try to get it to start up again. I groaned and switched the bedroom lights, squinting immediately at the sudden influx of light. “How does that explain anything?” I asked, rubbing my eyes. “I’m one of the kids born with superpowers? On the news?” he said questioningly, surprised. “Wait, you’re one of those Umbrella Academy kids? You’re the teleportation kid?” I asked, making him nod. “Sorry, I don’t know much about you guys. I don’t watch the news a lot, it’s so sad. I prefer fiction,” I shrugged, and Five nodded in understanding. “Do you want something to drink? Water? Tea? I make a really good black coffee,” I offered. “Black coffee would be good,” he nodded, no expression on his face throughout the conversation. “Okay, “ I smiled and left my room to start the coffee pot, him trailing after me.

“Hey Y/N,” said Five’s voice, making me look up from my battered copy of “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”. “Oh, hey Five,” I said, wiping the tears on my cheeks and sniffling. “Wait, are you crying?” he asked, showing one of his rare emotions, concern. “Yeah, the ending of the book is really sad,” I said sadly, caressing the pages of the book as tears continued to fall. “Tell me about school,” he said, sitting on the bed, successfully distracting me from the book. Butterflies flapped in my stomach at our proximity, a lovesick smile probably gracing my features. Five always liked to talk about school, since he could understand what he was missing because of the Umbrella Academy. “Well, we did acemtodes in Maths today,” I said, immediately jumping into his favorite subjects. “I swear, 10th grade is horrible,” I groaned by the end, falling back on my pillows, the book slipping away from both my lap and thoughts. “I’m turning 15 tomorrow,” he mentioned as he lay down next to me while staring at the ceiling. “Wait, what?” I asked, immediately sitting up. “Yeah,” he said, glancing at my shocked face. “And you didn’t tell me! I don’t know what to get you,” I gasped dramatically, throwing a pillow at him. “Well, you can come over to the Academy. Dad typically leaves the house to us on our birthday, so we can do whatever we want,” he said, making me smile at the invitation. “I would love to! Now I gotta go plan 7 birthday gifts,” I explained happily, squeezing his hand for a second before running out of my room, leaving the boy to stare at the ceiling of my room.

“Hi, my name is Y/N!” I said, smiling at the six people around me, Five standing next to me. “I already know all of you, so need to introduce yourselves,” I said, instead of bringing out my large bag. “So Five only told me about y’alls birthday yesterday, so the presents aren’t that great, but whatever!” I said, holding up the gift-wrapped presents. “Luther right?” I asked, and the blonde nodded, and I handed him his gift wrapped in moon-themed wrapping paper. “And Diego, I am guessing?” I asked, turning to the brunette, and the boy replied, “Yes, that’s me.” I handed him his present, and he took it, his eyes glassing over. “And Viktor, this is for you,” I said, handing him the heavy box. He smiled softly as I handed him the box, making me smile back. “Ben?” I questioned another boy, and the boy nodded in agreement. He accepted the wrapped present I gave him with a starstruck expression. “Allison,” I said, handing the package to the grinning girl before turning to Klaus. “And Klaus. Believe me, I had no clue what to get you, but I hope you like this!” I said, handing him the box. “I spent about the same amount on all the gifts, so yeah!” I said, turning to all of them to see they were all standing where I had left them. “I’m sorry if I messed up, I can return the gifts,” I said softly, cocking my head to the side a bit when I noticed the still wrapped packages. “Thank you,” said Ben, his voice cracking, making my eyebrows furrow in confusion. “I mean, it’s not much,” I said apologetically, shrugging a bit. “Thank you so much,” said Viktor sincerely, placing his hand on my shoulder. “This is our first time getting gifts,” said Klaus, making me gasp. “First?” I asked, making all the kids nod in unison. “Ok, then it’s settled. I am officially on gift-giving duty. Five, you better deliver their presents. Christmas, birthdays, new years, accomplishments, all of it,” I said decidedly. “Well go on, open them,” I motioned to the siblings, who all started opening their presents, smiling giddily. “And Five,” I hummed, making him turn to me from his siblings. “It’s a fountain pen, I got ‘Technically we had a meet-cute, huh?” engraved in a rush order, so this is probably more expensive than the other’s gifts,” I said, handing him the final package. “Thank you… so much,” he said, and I smiled. He intertwined his pinky with mine, a reminisce of our first meeting.

"Come on, hurry up while it's still daytime, idiots," yelled Five from ahead of us, enunciating idiots. "Well... it's not fair... if we have to walk... while you just teleport," said Diego angrily while climbing up the enormous hill, the rest of us huffing and puffing behind him. Five didn't reply and just stopped moving, waiting for the rest of us to catch up. No one missed his annoyed expression by the time we all reached up. "If you tell us to hurry up one more time, I will turn you into a hat," said Luther just as Five went to speak, making Five roll his eyes and close his mouth again. "Finally, we can play," said Allison, sighing as she admired the grassy and flat field where we were going to play cricket. "You good, Y/N?" asked Five, moving closer to me. "Yeah, just tired," I said, dabbing at the sweat on my forehead. "You are a right meanie for not just teleporting with the rest of us," I said, crossing my arms. "Sorry, I just didn't wanna scatter all of you into some other universe where we end up being TV show characters," he said, shrugging while winking at the computer screen. "Let's play!" said Diego, cracking his knuckles. 

"I'm referee," said Luther, moving to the side. “And I am going to the market downtown. There’s a new book I found that I want to read,” shrugged Ben. “Oh, come on, Ben! It’s all of your birthdays! 16th! You can’t just leave family time!” I complained, making the boy sigh resignedly. “Fine, I’ll come back in 30 minutes, tops,” he promised, making me smile and nod. He walked away to the nearby market, his black jacket standing out in the otherwise bright field. "Y/N and Allison, you both are the captains," said Luther. "Oh, okay," I breathed, moving forward and looking at the rest of the academy. "Y/N, you can go ahead a pick first," said Allison, smiling at me kindly. "Five," I said immediately, and he grinned proudly before walking toward me. "Diego," said Allison, who walked towards her with a self-satisfied smirk and looked pointedly at Five, a competitive glint in his eyes. "Viktor," I whispered next, and he walked towards us as Klaus walked towards Allison and Diego. "Five minutes to plan, and then we'll have the coin toss," announced Luther, and both teams huddled up. "Diego is going to be the most aggressive. Allison is too nice to go full attack especially cause you and Viktor are too shy and nice, and Klaus is probably too high to care about the game,” said Five immediately, starting his “battle strategy”. “Or, or, or… how about we just play for fun?” I interrupted as his comments about his other sibling started getting most vengeful. “What’s the point in that Y/N?” protested Five. “Fine,” I sighed apprehensively, making him smile triumphantly and resume the plan.

“Let’s start,” bellowed Luther, making me walk towards Luther, Allison walking from the other side. The wicket was already set up, the bats held up by Luther.  Luther tossed the coin and said, “Allison, your team bats.” Before going to her team, she cheered a little, while I walked toward Five and Viktor. “Ugh, we’re bowling,” I groaned, Viktor giving me a side hug comfortingly. “We’ll do amazing, don’t worry,” said Five confidently, making me shrug. “Pinky promise,” he said, holding out his pinky. I giggled softly, intertwining my pinky with his. “Okay Five, go bowl,” I laughed, shoving the boy slightly. He chuckled as he walked backward, giving a salute before turning around. “You know, he is only like that with you,” said Viktor, making me turn away from Five’s retreating figure. “What?” I asked, confused. “He smiles more with you, he’s less touch averse. It’s nice,” he said, smiling at me. “Come on, hurry up Y/N!” yelled Diego, anxious to begin the game. “Coming, coming,” I called, running up to the meadow, prepared for the fielding. 

“Oh come on, stop running so fast,” I said exasperatedly as Diego and Allison got another run. Klaus was already out and lounging on the grass, out of range of the cricket ball. “Ben!” yelled Klaus when he noticed the boy coming back, holding a book in his hands. Ben reached us and sat down next to Klaus, opening his book. As the game continued, Five and Diego continued to get more competitive, which forced Luther to intervene, only fueling their frustration. I laughed at the story Klaus was recounting to us when the grin on my face faded. I squinted at the group of people I could see coming from the distance. 

“Ah, the great Umbrella Academy,” snickered the one in the middle once the group was within earshot. Suddenly, all the siblings seem to have grouped, competitive natures long forgotten. Five came over to me a grabbed my pinky, pulling me in with the rest of the Hargreeves and taking me near Viktor. “Five, what’s going on?” I asked as he walked away, but he didn’t reply. He placed himself on the other side of Diego, Luther on his right. In a row behind, Allison and Klaus stood on the outer edges of the group, with Ben in the middle. At the absolute last stood Viktor and me, a perplexed expression dawned on my face as the group came closer to us. “Viktor, what’s happening?” I asked, confused at the formation we stood in. “We typically stand like this when someone recognizes us in public, makes it easier to deal with fans and press,” murmured Viktor softly to not attract attention. The arrangement suddenly made sense, and I nodded in understanding. 

“Ha, I knew I recognized the nerd,” laughed the ‘leader’, making me frown as he looked at Ben, who was holding his book in his hands still. “Who are you calling a nerd,” snapped Diego, taking a step forward. “Lord, you all are no different from us. What’s so special about you bastards anyway?” asked the boy scanning over the group, glossing over me and Viktor in the back. “You seem to forget your place. We have fucking powers that help save the world, and we won’t hesitate to use it on you!” continued Diego, taking out a knife and twirling it in his hands. “Sorry to say this, but you can’t use your powers on us, idiot. We are civilians, and therefore if you harm us, we can go to the police and get your precious academy shut down,” cackled the leader manically, his four goons laughing with him. “You’ll be sorry when I shove my fist in your face,” barked Diego, walking forwards. “Diego, he’s right,” said Five calmly, although his jaw was set tightly and his eyes sparkled with silent anger. “Exactly, ‘Diego’. Listen to the half-wit,” chuckled the goon, walking over to Five, who stood his ground and raised his jaw a little higher. “What about you, scrawny bitch? Wanna fight?” mocked the guy, holding his fists up ironically. The anger that was building up snapped and I scoffed. “You’re a bully,” I said from the back, making the boy's head turn towards me. “Who the fuck said that?” he barked rhetorically, his goons cracking the knuckles. “It was me,” I said, walking forwards. “Excuse me Allison, Ben,” I said, walking between the two. “I’ll be fine, Ben,” I said to the concerned boy, smiling softly. His eyes still held fear as I continued forwards. “Five, Diego,” I said, sliding between the two when I felt someone stop me. Five held my hand, silently pleading with me to not go. “I’ll be fine,” I smiled at him, gently releasing his hold over my hand, instantly missing their presence. “Now, as I was saying, you’re a bully. My dad taught me that there was only one way to communicate with a bully,” I said confidently as I sauntered forward, pulling the hair tie out of my hair and snapping it around my wrist. My hair billowed open from the wind, H/C strands surrounding my face. 

“Oh really? And what was his advice?” asked the goon, smiling mockingly at me. I smiled sweetly, chuckled, and brought my fist back, punching him in the face. Gasps erupted from behind me as the goon touched the side of his face where I had hit him. “You fucking slut,” he growled, putting his hand up at his friends, who tried to come to his aid. I clicked my tongue and said, “Oo,” I wouldn’t call me that,” I said, glaring up at him. He brought his hand up to slap me, and I heard Five take one step forwards to try and help me. “Fuck no,” I growled, grabbing the bully’s hand mid-air and twisting it behind his back, making him groan in pain as he faced the rest of the academy, me standing right behind him facing them too. “I’m a nasty bitch darling, believe me,” I said in his ear, loud enough for the people around us to hear as well. “Now why don’t you go on and apologize,” I said, hissing the last word. “Fuck no,” he protested, making me roll my eyes. “You seem familiar, do you study in Y/S (Your School)?” I asked, and the boy nodded minutely, gritting his teeth in pain. “Ah, great! So you must know who I am! Go on, darling, take a wild guess,” I said to him, twisting his arm further to make him hiss in pain. His friends just stood, not knowing what to do. “Shit, are you… are you Y/N? Y/N L/N?” he asked, fear creeping into his voice. “Yes, correct! Jackpot, darling, ding ding ding,” I said, twisting his arm more and more with the last three words as I grit my teeth. “Now, since my reputation seems to precede me, it’s safe to assume that you know I can ruin your life brick by brick, you fucking mangy cur,” I growled. “So, if you know what’s good for you, you fucking apologize,” I finished, kicking him in the shin and making him yelp. “Okay, alright, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he yelled, making me smile sweetly again. “See that wasn’t so hard,” I said, pushing the boy so that he was near his crew again. “If I see you bothering anyone ever again, inside or outside school, I will torture you until you wish you were dead,” I said, pushing the boy backward. “Now, bitch, why don’t you fucking leave,” I said as the boy slowly backtracked. “SCRAM!” I yelled, making him run away. “You’re fucking crazy,” said one of the others to me, his eyes wide in fear. “Yes I am, sugar. Suck my dick,” I said while flipping him off with both hands, making his eyes widen more as he ran after his leader and the rest of his friends. “FUCKING SHITS! MOTHERFUCKERS! REMEMBER MY WARNING OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!” I yelled, making them scamper away out of sight.

As soon as their figures disappeared, I turned back to the group with a real smile, clapping my hands together. “Shall we continue the game?” I asked, while the rest of the Academy just stood frozen. “... are you okay?” I asked while bringing my hands up to tie my hair again. Everyone surged forward and question me before their conversation sparked up, but Five still stood frozen. “Five?” I questioned softly, walking towards him as the rest of the siblings talked to each other. “Don’t ever do that again,” said Five as he pulled me in a hug, making me freeze in shock. “I was so fucking scared,” he said as he pulled me away and held me by the sides of my arms. “Oh please, I have beat up people much scarier than him,” I said, smiling at him. “You’re an enigma, Y/N,” he said before doing something I never thought he would do. He kissed me, and I kissed him back, my heart bursting in happiness. We split apart, a haze filling my mind when I heard wolf whistles. “Oh shut up,” I muttered, embarrassed, as the other Hargreeves goggled at us, while Five intertwined our pinkie easily. “You’re hot when you swear. And with your hair open,” he whispered in my ear, making me giggle, enjoying the contact between us. “Thank god for our meet-cute,” I thought to myself, smiling at the group around me and the brunettee I stood next to.

#Five #five hargreeves x reader #five hargreeves #five x reader #tua #the umbrella academy #no spoiler for season 3 :) #tua x reader #xreader #shy!reader #tua five #number five #ben hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #viktor hargreeves

[darkbluekies]

I loved your family life with the yanderes!

I was wondering if you'd be open to doing more of their reactions ,especially to the readers pregnancy/ birth? I personally love kids and want some of my own one day ( looking forward to twins!) And I would really love to see how they react.

Silas would be stoked, partially because now you seriously can't escape and he gets the life he always daydreamed about! Freaks the hell out when reader goes into labor, like sweating pacing, almost punching the doctor for doing their job. He definitely books a private room and has security everywhere but it's all worth it for you and your baby. He's never gonna let anything happen to either of you

Dr.kry would definitely become even more of a control freak and monitor everything. Imagine reader gets pregnant while still in the hospital. Joy turns to panic, if this gets out people will know what's going on between you two! He takes you home and has you on a strict schedule. He has access to everything you could ever need and definitely plans a home birth. He's so happy seeing his darling with his child. Finally the family he's been waiting for.

Edmund would be happy in a "one more thing off the checklist" kinda way. He'd be happy if his darling was happy but other than that not super emotional about the whole ordeal. He doesn't get emotional till the birth and then? It's pure protective anger and rage! The second he hears any sounds of pain he is fighting his way into that room and screaming at the maids to take away the pain. Slightly resents the child for causing you so much pain, but once he sees the love in your eyes he can't stay mad. ( He can but chooses not to for your sake)

Jerry's just glad it's not her going through the whole ordeal. She sees the upsides but also the downsides. upside? You're trapped, and you won't be lonely while she's working! Downside? Your attention is split now. Plus now you're emotional and defiant and she can't really punish you for it. She's pretty disconnected when the birth comes around. She doesn't really care, but also doesn't like seeing you in pain. " You wanted this, it's all part of the package ain't it?". She's not as attached to the baby but sees it as an extension of you so it's cool in her eyes.

To Hedwig this is the best time of her life! She is so excited to have a baby with you! She loves every second, and probably cried more than you do. She's taking full care of you and keeps the environment controlled and safe. She has private security surrounding the house and hospital. Near constant checkups and shopping sprees. Has changed the colors of the nursery three times and it still doesn't feel right to her. You never have a second alone and she is constantly touching and talking to the baby. You're pretty much on bed rest the second you find out but the birth is mostly up to you, as long as she gets to be there she doesn't mind! Once the baby is here she never leaves them alone but that means some alone time for you to rest and recover.

I'm sorry this is so long, its been rotting in my brain ever since I first read family life with the oc's!!

I've had the mental picture of when you first bring the baby/babies home the yanderes go to sleep and wake up with their darling out of bed! They immediately run around searching for you, but then they remember " oh fuck the baby!" They rush into the nursery to find their darling asleep on the floor beside the crib, their hand slotted between the bars holding onto their babies hand. Their heart warms but also it still scared them thinking about how you could've left and took their whole family with you. Their entire purpose for living gone. Sorry again!! I hope you don't feel too overwhelmed and are taking care of yourself, creative minds need rest and care!! Be safe blue! 🩵💙

i loved this so much :(((<33 i love seeing how people think about my characters. I really think you captured them well!!

i really understand that you want twins :)<3 i really want twins too. I wish I had a twin, but it's a bit too late for that, so having twins would be very sweet too. I love the feeling of knowing that my child has a best friend in all circumstances. I myself is the youngest of five children (where the others are all boys) and much older than me. I'd love to have someone like that <3

I think that all of them would become more and more protective whether they want to admit it or not (cough jerry cough) and would be even more suffocating ... escpecially if they can't find you right away >:)

[vryfmi]

What did they do to skull???

using this inbox as an excuse to infodump about character that i know more about than Stroud himself

before i start to explain the downgrade that skull's character experienced in the adaptation, i'll say that the show is good, but not excellent. there are a lot for things that were done surprisingly good and i was having a mostly positive experience watching it. it's the main cast and overall atmosphere of the series that truly make it special. however, there were things that did not translate well from book to screen. one of those vital things was skull in the jar.

[TL;DR] skull doesn't get any screen time and in those combined five minutes is horribly mischaracterized. not to mention that it doesn't progress the plot whatsoever.

i was a bit sad that i was late to the show-finally-was-released party because i thought people would already discuss everything that was in the show so far. but to my surprise there're hardly any coherent takes on skull. especially when you compare how well rounded all other characters were portrayed. so what is my problem?

well first of all how the fuck did Stroud allow that to happen? in every single interview it is stated that directors and scriptwriters were consulting with Stroud yet somehow complete annihilation of skull happened.

i want to say that the problem is in screen time that it is really hard to keep books' pacing (action scenes as well as domestic ones, Lucy's thought process, dialogs, worldbuilding etc.), but it's really not, the problem is much deeper than that. the show decided to change various small pieces of original stories, and with more details changed, the further it differentiated from initial plot. that's my problem with the show in general.

the second part of the season is revolved around the bone mirror, yes, this is correct, just like the books. but the book itself isn't called the bone glass. it's called the whispering skull and for a good reason. the role of skull in the story was so downplayed i feel physical pain just from thinking about it. overall, yes, the story is the same: Lockwood&Co get a case regarding an unauthorized grave, it turns out Dr Edmund Bickerstaff was buried there under unclear circumstances with some device. that device being a bone mirror, that doctor had created around late 1800s with his followers and, most importantly, young servant. the servant boy was skull, now a type three ghost, previously stolen from Fittes. bone glass was stolen, L&co compete with Kipps' team in finding it, Bickerstaff's mansion, George is affected by the mirror (but not as bad as Joplin), Fittes ball, the auction, the fight in Kensal Green as well as in catacombs. the end. the main plot is the same, but it's the details that are the keys to why that story worked, and why it's my favourite book of the series.

show differentiates from book when it completely gets rid of Wilberforce's character, makes events of tss immediately followed by tws (without an eight month time skip) and changes the reasons behind drama between main characters.

can you guess what character suffers the most from these changes?

the skull.

[i'll try my best not to spoil any major points of the story, but there will be slight spoilers regarding skull's backstory - both in life and in death (but seeing how ghost lore was changed, maybe these won't be spoilers at all)]

here's the list of my main problems with skull's character in the show

1. skull doesn't move the plot forward

2. mischaracterization

3. not enough screen time

4. his arc is unfinished

5. no silent boy (i am the only person affected by it but i will be insufferable nonetheless for its exclusion)

the first problem picks up where we left it - small details were made and now plot doesn't make sense, especially skull's role. fine, you've decided to exclude the mystery of who was buried in an iron coffin, now we know from the get-go it was Bickerstaff. but book had lingered on it for a while - the grave was marked, and it belong to Bickerstaff, but the remains didn't match with historical records - Bickerstaff was claimed to die in his house and eaten by rats, where the body in the coffin was pretty solid apart from the bullet hole in its head. here's your mystery. then bone glass is stolen as well as something else, that nobody quite noticed at first, but Lockwood pointed out it out on photo of the crime scene - a tripod. not one, but two relics were gone after the coffin was dug up. the later one is less important to the story but it made a pretty great characterization of Joplin early on, how this character has kleptomaniac tendencies. but mystery of the body was something no one could solve - nor L&co, nor Kipps' team, - unless they were there and then. that's where skull comes into play.

Lockwood&Co have not only a literal witness of events that happened in the late 1870s, but someone who took part in creating the bone mirror. how cool is that? it would, if skull was talking about Bickerstaff's deeds, and wasn't making witty comments and insults. but not just any insults - it keeps bringing up how stupid and blind main characters are. and here's the thing - if these were just constant calling names, Lucy and others would just shut the lid tight and never open it again. instead it has an effect on them. they feel as if there's something they're missing, that by talking to the ghost it will eventually crack and tell them. skull makes itself useful in the long run.

when late night interrogation begins, skull actually talks about it's master and a bit of its own identity. skull, of course, teases Lucy and others with scraps of information when it feels as if it is in control. until one of the questions touches the raw nerve of its:

‘No!’ The voice was urgent, intimate, as if whispering directly into my ear. ‘Bickerstaff was no grave-robber! He was a great man. A visionary! He came to a sad end.’ ‘What end? The rats?’ ‘Hold it, Lucy...’ Lockwood touched my arm. ‘We didn’t hear what it said.’ ‘Oh, sorry. He was a great man who came to a sad end.’ ‘I said he was a visionary too. You forgot that bit.’ ‘Oh yeah. And a visionary. Sorry.’ I blinked in annoyance, then glared at the skull. ‘Why am I apologizing to you? You’re making some pretty big claims about a man who kept sacks of human bones in his basement.’ ‘Not in his basement. In a workroom behind a secret wall.’ ‘It wasn’t his basement. It was a workroom behind a secret wall...’ I looked at the others. ‘Did we know that?’ ‘Yes,’ Lockwood said. ‘We did. It overheard George telling us that earlier this evening. It’s giving us nothing new or original, in other words. It’s making all this up.’ <…> ‘Well, believe me or not as you please, but yes, I saw the bone glass, though I never saw it used. The master wouldn’t show me. It wasn’t for my eyes, he said. I wept, for it was a wonderful thing.’ <…> ‘All very well,’ Lockwood said, ‘but what does the bone glass do?’ ‘It gives knowledge,’ the voice said. ‘It gives enlightenment. Ah, but I could have spied on him. I knew where he kept his precious notes, hidden under the floorboards of his study. See how I held the key to his secrets in my hand? I could have learned them all. But he was a great man. He trusted me. I was tempted but I never looked.’ The eyes glinted at me from the depths of the jar. ‘You know all about that too – don’t you, Lucy?’ <…> ‘He was a great man,’ the ghost said softly. ‘And his legacy is with you today, though you’re too blind to see it. All of you, too blind...’

there is a reason for l&co going to Hampstead Heath and its abandoned mansion - not only can they confirm skull's words about the papers (and confirm to others that Lucy indeed can talk to ghosts), but, eventually, they find out who died in that house and was eaten by rats (Wilberforce). and thanks to Lucy using her Touch in the secret study they find out that bone mirror doesn't give enlightenment, it kills the one who looks into it (on top of that, skull was the one who put the idea of testing the device on Wilberforce into Bickerstaff's head). the steaks go higher.

compare it to the shows version of the same events.

skull talks about Bickerstaff for like a minute, says it was acolyte and that there's something in its masters mansion. and asks for Lucy to take it there. (in books it was an after though of Lockwood to take it with them because the prospect of Lucy communicating with ghosts was way too big for him to pass. skull doesn't really help them inside, only insults them when they barely escape Wilberforce's ghost). what did the trio got out of going there and risking their lives? nothing. they got absolutely nothing that would've move the plot. yes, they got the papers, but did they give anything new? no, they've only confirmed that bone mirror is made of sources of people that were killed by Bickerstaff. which is also a big problem for me. because bone glass is now made of supposedly vengeful spirits, not the ones who are upset by their remains being stolen from graves, grieving over their disrupted burials.

what was skull for in that case? was he simply sitting in that basement and telling his master whether the bone was source or not? and that's it? book's skull was helping in gravedigging and warding of ghosts from Bickerstaff and other adults, who weren't able to see them. not to mention that he a) had to be young, but old enough to see ghosts and keep others save from them b) have a great talent to be able to find potential source in massive churchyards. skull's role of servant got also massively downplayed, im pissed.

One paper says he’d sometimes have a servant lad with him, poor kid dragging heaven knows what behind him in a heavy sack.’

[Dulac's confessions] With the help of his servant, a most cunning and malignant Boy, whose eyes saw phantoms clearly, we went on expeditions to the churchyards, gathering materials for the Device. The Boy protected us from the vengeful Spirits until we had trapped them in the glass.

[i like the idea that skull in his life was something of a parallel to agents. where agents fight disrupted visitors and get rid of their sources, skull had to do the opposite. ghosts haven't been roaming churchyards back then, so you'd either had to dig up every single grave to find any source, or provoke the ghost into manifestation. skull was probably doing just that and told Bickerstaff and his followers where'd the ghost's remains were.]

as a result, all important information about bone glass was only given in Dulac's confessions in the show, all other steps were meaningless. and to get to those you don't need to consult with the skull. in fact, could the whole mansion trip be skipped? since it doesn't move the story forward and takes away from Lucy's conversation with skull - those are iconic, and Complete Fiction just cut them off. i understand that it most likely comes to ghost CGI but like... yall wouldn't have to rent a massive mansion? and all information about what kind of a man Bickerstaff was Lucy could've got from that conversation. if i understand things correctly, Lucy can't talk to skull all that long now, since it overwhelms her (she passed out after their first conversation and seemed to be in pain when it happened). ok, let's keep it, i actually like it. with this new limitation, the first conversation in the kitchen would have played out a bit different. but it would've played out at least.

so it leaves two more scenes with skull: Lucy and Lockwood finding out where George is and the culmination in the catacombs.

first one goes as well as any other conversation with skull. which is rushed and without any character development for skull and its relationships with Lucy. and because of already revealed motivation for skull - being freed from the jar - there's no revelation to have.

‘You’re a head in a jar. You’re not going anywhere and we’re all you’ve got. So – we’re not going to put you in the furnaces,’ I said. ‘We’re not going to torture you. All we do, if you don’t start co-operating, is shut your lever up, put you in a bag, and bury you in the ground somewhere. Nice and deep so no one ever finds you. Just you, on your own, for ever. How does that sound?’ ‘You wouldn’t do that,’ the ghost said, but for the first time I heard uncertainty in its voice. ‘You need me, don’t forget. I’m a Type Three. I’ll make you rich. I’ll make you famous.’ ‘Stuff that. Our friend is more important. Last chance, skull. Spill the beans.’ ‘And there was I thinking Cubbins was the cruel one.’ The face drew back into the shadows of the plasm, where it glared at me with an expression of blood-curdling malice. ‘All right,’ it said slowly. ‘Sure, I’ll tell you. Don’t think I’m giving in to your blackmail, mind. I just want to enjoy what’s coming to you all.’

now this, this is beautiful. not only good ol conflict, but also a nice development for both sides of conversation. especially how Lucy has grown to care so much about George which was a pretty long process for both of them in books. and to top it all off, Lucy takes skull only to keep threatening it into co-operating and to get an insight on how to avoid an immediate death from the bone glass.

in show, however, it is the skull who begs to take it to its master, and Lucy, as well as Lockwood, for some reason go with it. it doesn't help Lucy to get into catacombs nor saves Lucy from looking into the bone mirror by hinting at how to destroy it. which was also rather unsatisfyingly done in the show. mostly because this ending doesn't complete skull's arc (not like there was any thanks to the lack of screen time).

skull's arc is rather simple in its debut book. it used to be a servant to a mad doctor, was very loyal, to the point that it seemed like it lost all its identity in the pursue of its master and his work. the ghost had denied its own death, so it became a type three. but once the name of its master was mentioned, it desired to reunite, to serve Bickerstaff once more, only to be faced with harsh reality (that Lucy was also trying to make it understood) - Bickerstaff had never cared for anyone nor anything apart from the device. his servant boy was simply useful and obedient. now Bickerstaff's ghost had Joplin who'd also became just a tool.

It gave a sudden shout. ‘Master! It’s me! Welcome back!’ Over in the corner, the cowled figure [of Bickerstaff's ghost] stood silent. It did not respond. ‘Master...’ The plaintive whisper was filled with fear and yearning. ‘Over here! It’s me!’ The figure didn’t stir. All its intentness was on the bone glass, and on George. ‘Yes,’ the skull said irritably. ‘Well, he’s not what he was.’ Of course he wasn’t.

im going on a rumble here but im way to passionate about the books and skull's character - where else you'll find such a bastard to love? speaking of character and its full scale assassination.

there were barely any scenes to truly grasp skull's character but still it is not the skull we know from books. from saying "thank you" to not wishing death upon l&co trio every five seconds. it's just not the same character. and im still trying to understand why this change was made. for some reason show actively tries to make its viewer (and Lucy) feel empathetic towards skull: first with its conversation with Lucy in ep.4, and later in the same episode with Marissa Fittes' interview and her description of type threes. which immediately bring Lucy to refer to skull as "he", not "it". all ghosts are being referred in the show as well as books as "it", to strip of any empathy towards them, apart from Annabel Ward but Lucy got a strong connection with her as well as she reminded her of Norrie. because technically, ghosts are not people, they're only echoes of one's identity or emotion. but not type threes. and yet it takes Lucy five books to learn to trust and see skull as a person, and show rushes it a lot (that's another subject on which i might write something one day because Lucy-skull parallels let's fucking goooooo).

skull played a role of an inner obstacle to overcome for the main trio. it put a seed of doubt into Lucy's head, voiced her concerns and deepest fears regarding her new friends. so the gap formed between the teammates, which only made l&co come closer together once they started opening up and trusting each other more. and whole show drama came from the inside the group with them overreacting and saying very out of character harmful things.

one of the things that im sorry for show-only people is that they miss how tws not only is extremely dark, has really good horror elements, tons of ghost lore, but also, it's extremely funny. and yes, mostly thanks to skull. the balance of mystery, quiet moments and well-written jokes is just superb. so now im waiting for season two announcement for Complete Fiction to redeem themselves.

#lockwood and co #lockwood & co #lockwood and co show #the skull #skull in the jar #skull in a jar #meta #analysis #l&co. netflix #described #.mypost #inbox

[waterlilyrose]

Prompt: Could you write a fic about when Edmund (II) first finds out what being "the heir" means, or what it means to be the first-born son? Why some people (though not his parents) act like he matters more than Miles? I feel like most fics focus on him when he's too young to know or has already known for a while.

Link to A03 Fic

When Ned was at Aubrey Hall, he didn't feel anymore special than anyone else. He did feel special in the sense that he knew beyond doubt that he was loved and cherished. But so was Miles. And little baby Charlotte who just seemed to cry in her cradle and couldn't talk yet but whom his parents were always overjoyed when she did anything new. All his Papa and Amma's children were loved, kissed and cuddled by their family so Ned didn't feel singled out.

But when they went into society and into the ton (which they didn't do a lot as family as Ned and his siblings were still very young), it was a bit odd. People would stop Ned's parents and coo over him - and mainly just him. Miles would rarely get much attention and people sometimes seemed almost sorry about Charlotte. Cressida Cooper (whom nobody in the family liked) once mused out-loud that 'you can't have a boy every time, you know?' Ned didn't understand why they had to leave her company so quickly that time but was grateful for it all the same - Miss Cooper was horrible.

Ned was sometimes taken to parks where his Papa met other important people who did work that sounded boring to Ned. He was encouraged to play with their sons but when he wanted Miles to join in, the boys were almost a bit confused.

"He's only the spare - we don't have to play with him."

Ned was confused as to what a spare was - Miles was his brother and, even if they stuck their tongues out at each other when their parents weren't looking and if Miles always took the best slice of cake at dessert, Ned still wanted to play with his little brother. But if those boys weren't going to let Miles play, then he didn't want to play with those boys either. Family was everything - his Papa had taught him that before he could even walk.

Ned was walking with his Papa in the garden when he finally asked the question.

"Why are people always wanting to be my friend and not Miles? And why are they all sniffy about Charlotte?"

Ned's Papa stopped his walk and a muscle jumped in his jaw - that meant his Papa was upset. But, when he looked at Ned, his eyes were kind.

"It's because people see you as more important. You are the first son just like I was the first son. So one day... you'll have my job. And Miles and Charlotte won't."

"You mean I'm going to have to look at those silly books and worry about things I don't care about?" Ned asked feeling rather panicked. That didn't sound like a nice life at all!

"One day. And I'll teach you everything before that. But not yet. But that's why Miles doesn't get the attention you do. He's seen to some as an afterthought."

"Is that what a spare is?" Ned asked.

"A spare..." Ned's Papa looked like he was sucking a sour sweet. "A spare is what people call the second son. It's seen as good to have a few sons. Just encase...something happens to you."

Ned blinked. "But...nothing will happen to me...right?"

"No. Nothing will happen. You are going to be absolutely fine and so will Miles and so will Charlotte. Me and your Amma will always protect you. It's a stupid saying - nothing more."

"Is Charlotte a spare too?" Ned asked.

"Yes but...people view her different because...she's a girl. Girls aren't allowed to inherit. If their father dies and they don't have brothers, the title goes to their uncles or their cousins. If they don't have any of those, it might go to their husband. But people view her sex as a disappointment and think we do too."

"But you don't!" Ned said thinking the world was sounding sillier and sillier. These rules were awful! Who made them up? "You and Amma are always spending time with her. Even though she can't do anything but cry."

Ned's Papa snorted as though laughing despite himself. "Yes, well, I was exactly the same with you and Miles when you were babies too. And I like the fact I have a daughter. She looks just like your Amma and you know how much I love your Amma." Ned's Papa reached down and stroked Ned's hair. "The truth is I love you all exactly the same. The world may deem you the most important but you are all equally as important to this family. So you have a duty to be as kind as you can be to your brother and sister. If the world pays more attention to you, they will follow your lead if they see you being good to them. They should do it anyway but people aren't always right in how they do things. So we have to be."

"I will." Ned promised taking his Papa's hand.

It was the first duty Ned was ever aware of - and therefore he took it seriously his entire life.

#waterlilyrose #bridgerton #kanthony #kathony #anthony bridgerton #edmund bridgerton ii #miles bridgerton #charlotte bridgerton #kate sharma #fanfic #tumblr drabbles

[newtonsheffield]

So I never ever send in spicy Sunday requests but I really wanted to see this so here I am

Can we see Kanthony in an AU where they’re actually wild with each other so could be offside, simmering, post traumatic, good girls, any really - but instead of being wild they just have a very soft lovemaking session I guess? Like oh my god I love you and idk what id do without you.

I’m sorry if this is a weird ask but my knowledge of this genre is fairly limited. Just something that I wanted to see

Hey!

I'm not sure there's an AU where these two aren't wild with one another but we're going to go with Offside and we're looking at the night before Anthony's operation

Kate had been dreading this probably since the beginning of her relationship with Anthony, maybe even from the day she'd met him. As soon as she'd read his file, as soon as she'd examined him: she'd known this was coming. He'd been nursing knee injuries for years before she started at city and honestly, it was a little surprising that it had been his choice to retire at the end of last season at all.

She'd seen how he was limping around the pitch that day two months ago, demonstrating something to Gregory and dread had settled in the pit of her stomach even before she'd seen the ultrasound she'd needled him into letting her do by whispering promises in his ear. Kate had tried not to let her face fall when she'd seen the screen but Anthony had seen it, because of course he had.

"It's time isn't it?" Anthony's voice had said as they lay in bed together that night, her chin resting on his chest.

"You- You don't have to." Kate had said, and selfishly, she almost wished she wouldn't. Just so she wouldn't have to sit by the bed of another man she loved and pray he'd wake up. But they had Edmund to think about, sleeping soundly just down the hall.

"I want to be the best version of myself for you and Neddy. Tomorrow we'll start planning."

She'd entertained the idea of seeing surgeons in Manchester before she'd made the call, her friends voice booming through the reciever.

"Well if it isn't the first lady of english football! Katie Kat!"

She'd barely been able to bite back her tears, "Mickey, it's Anthony. I need your help."

And it had barely been a second before she heard Michael clear his throat, "I'll clear my schedule. I'll look after him, Kate, you know I will."

And now it was time. They'd be in Glasgow tomorrow, and Kate's chest was already aching. Anxiety swirling in her chest, panic gripping her as she looked at Anthony, quietly rocking Edmund in his arms. I need him so much, please don't take him from me.

It was unbearable, the thought of not have Anthony now. Of waking up without her beside him, of not standing shoulder to shoulder while they got ready in the morning. Never having his hands on her again, never feeling his smile against her skin. Of Edmund growing up without his father.

She'd thought nothing could hurt this much, not after her father, but she also hadn't really thought she could love someone as much as she loved Anthony. And maybe they were too wrapped up together, Edwina had certainly accused them of it with a hissed I shouldn't have to see this! When they'd taken part in that interview shortly after their Adidas billboard had come out where they'd read thirsty comments. For just a moment, Kate had forgotten there were cameras on there when she'd read the comment.

Anthony Bridgerton has huge I love eating girls out energy. I can feel it radiating off him.

And it had just slipped out "Well, he doesn't often go hungry lets put it that way."

Anthony had spent the rest of the interview leaning back in his chair with his arms behind his head, smiling smugly as he read out Kate Sharma can choke me with a stethoscope any day of the week

And maybe it was too much. but they loved one another. And the thought of being without him made her feel so hollow.

The second he lay in bed beside her his fingers intertwined with hers, wrapping his arm around her waist to tug her back against his chest, and she was already burning for him, but what he said just made it worse.

"I love you, you know. You and Neddy are everything to me, and absolutely nothing could stop me from coming back to you."

Kate could feel the tears stinging at her eyes, desperate to be close to him as she spun in his arms, pulling him even closer, sealing their lips together in a searing kiss.

A groan escaped Anthony's chest as the kiss built steadily, stealing the breath from her lungs as his tongue tangled with hers. There was something so strong in his eyes when he pulled back, his jaw clenched as he pressed his forehead to hers, breathing her in deeply.

"What do you need?"

And Kate wished her voice didn't crack when her fingers traced his lips, "I need to feel you here. Right here with me."

Anthony nodded slowly, brushing his lips slowly against her, sending heat flickering in her stomach as he stripped her slowly, until they were skin to skin, the warmth of his body prickling right through her. He let the weight of him press her into the mattress, heavy and safe and comforting, her hands tangling in his hair as his lips fell to her neck, his tongue laving over her skin as his hips started circling slowly.

Everything could be so hurried between them sometimes, had been from the beginning. It was hard and fast and passionate, her knees knocking against the headboard, or her hand tight on his throat, but this was just as perfect. The gentle way his moved against her, the way his fingers tangled in her hair, tilting her chin towards him, the way he nestled into the cradle of her hips as though they were made to be together, his arms holding her close.

jesus fu-Kate.

Anthony groaned with the first movement of their hips together, Kate's eyes rolling back in her head as she felt him, as close as two people could be, her chest heaving already, even as tears stung at her eyes at the tender love in his eyes, his hips grinding a steady, gentle rhythm against her, stoking the fire building between them.

His forehead was pressed to hers again, holding her in place, their eyes locked together and still it wasn't close enough. Kate's arms shot out, wrapping tightly around his chest, crushing him against her until she could feel his heart pounding through her, her legs tightening around his waist to hold him as tightly as she could. Desperate to feel him.

The entire room was on fire, It felt like it must be, Anthony's eyes burning with it as their gasps and moans filled the room, pushing each other forward, twining them together even more desperately than they already were.

Anthony's words were pressed against her skin, Kate, I love, God I love you so much, babe.

Their were tears, rolling down both their cheeks as her words mingled with his

I love you, Anthony. Just the two of us. Forever.

They fell together, a desperate noise gasped from Kate's chest as she clutched Anthony's shuddering body impossibly tighter, and finally everything was still.

But even so: Kate didn't let go.

"I mean it, Katie." Anthony's voice was muffled against her neck where he'd collapsed against her, sleepy and satisfied as the sweat cooled between them. "There is no fucking way I'm leaving you and Neddy alone. Plus, Michael seems annoyingly sure of himself."

Kate forced herself to chuckle, her fingers pushing Anthony's damp hair back from his forehead, her free hand running over her name, inked on his skin as though engraved on a stethoscope placed over his heart. "He's good at what he does. I just- I'm scared."

Anthony nodded against her, "I know, but the only thing you need to be scared of Kate, is the fact that when I have my fancy new knees: I'm never getting off them where you're concerned. I've a reputation to uphold."

And despite the laughter that filled the room seconds later, Kate's only worried eased when Anthony's eyelids fluttered open, and so, the very next week she slipped out with one of his birthday cards clutched in her hand and returned with his handwriting inked neatly down her collarbone

Love, Anthony.

Though truly: She could have done without Anthony's smugness a month later when the test was positive again.

"Oh ho ho! Dr Sharma! Very sneaky! And your oldest not even nine months old yet! Shameless"

"Shut up. Anthony."

#offside au #spicy sunday🌶 #kathony #anthony x kate #kate sharma #kate sheffield #anthony bridgerton #molly’s asks and answers

[nebulacollege]

Random question but which of the four boys would be the best at drawing? I mean, sketching or art related stuff?

Ooohh that’s so hard to answer since none of them is interested in art lol I think it should be Niall?? Simply because he’s a prince, so his private lessons must have included drawing for at least some years prior to him getting in Nebula College.

They also have art lessons at college, so all of them have a chance to show off their skills...

Niall seems like someone who’d be an okay level or even good at it, especially by school standards. He studied drawing back in his childhood, and I can see him being praised both by his teachers and his peers. Drawing nature seems like his strong point. I feel like he doesn’t really care about drawing or art in general, although he likes the idea of mastery of any kind, so he respects those who achieved great things in their respective field.

Ned is just... not good at it at all lol I think if he dedicated more of his time to learning theory and grinded through the hard part of “how the fuck do I use all this theory while drawing”, he’d be rather decent at it, and this knowledge would stay with him in the long run. He can be called slow compared to others, but in reality he just needs more time, because abstract concepts (like art in general) are somewhat hard for him. Although I wouldn’t call him a tool who doesn’t know how society works, for example. Anyway, he’s the worst of the main four at drawing. He might’ve gotten some classes just like Niall, though, but he gave up rather quickly. He’s not that bad at sketching all that academic stuff like vases and heads, though.

Edmund is... okay? He also studied art a little bit in his childhood, but his drawings always lacked both colour and... “life”, which is a more abstract concept, so his teachers back then never really went anywhere with it, except for explaining that he never uses vibrant colours, always choosing dull hues instead. He also probably sketches the most out of all of the boys, he never completes anything he starts. He also had to abandon his classes quite early in life, but he never felt strong connection to drawing to begin with, so it’s not a huge loss for him. He’s mid, but second to Niall.

Liam is another mid lever artist, but he’s worse than Edmund. He’s someone who’d be naturally good at it, but he was never interested in drawing in the first place, so this talent he has is wasted lol He’ll also quickly spiral into abstract, bold, sometimes impressionist type of art (which isn’t abstract or bold, but different just in general to your classical stuff).

#nc replies #edmund weyton #liam vernetti #ned stafford #niall mccarthy

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Fireflies Over The Wall - Chapter 3

Relationship: The Bell Keeper & Meiri (Original character)

Summary: "The troll brought with herself, every night without a fault, a baby.

Every night, she placed it upon the grass, and pointed upwards, showing her baby the stars and constellations. Showing her baby the fireflies.

Holding it tight. Cuddling with it. Making sure it saw the beauty the world had to offer. He had never considered himself a sentimental man. Yet this image, for some reason, never failed to make him return home feeling something gaping and void inside of himself.

Every one of his former coworkers must have returned to their families.

Who would Edmund return to when he could work no more?

What would give him a reason to get out of bed when the fireflies were no longer enough?"

An OC's origin story as well as a Bell Keeper character study, because this character is much more fascinating than I'd been giving him credit for.

Notes: Title from ‘Soap’ by The Oh Hello

Chapter title: Leech what's caustic

Read it on ao3

The second time it happened, the sun was up. Barely so, but it was, the golden rays hiding away the glimmer of the stars. It was early morning and while he’d only had twelve hours since the end of his last shift to rest, he actually felt good about heading to work that day. The fresh air of sunrise usually did that to him, even if he thought it was terribly corny. He had even started whistling before opening the door to the tower, when he heard the sound of a branch being forced to its full weight capacity and its leaves rustling with movement. As he turned around, expecting a large bird to have landed nearby or maybe some sort of squirrel, Edmund found he was actually not all that surprised to see Meiri dangling precariously from the tree.

“You again.” He said though his voice lacked (too much) bitterness. Even he couldn’t be an ass to a kid. Even if the kid didn’t partake in his code of conduct. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m looking at lichen.” Came her automatic answer. He couldn’t tell if that meant it was honest or a lie.

To her credit, she did seem to be looking at lichen. In the worst way possible, that was. Her legs were crossed over the branch she was hanging on to, both of her hands grasping it as the rest of her body was dragged down by gravity. Sure enough, there were light green patches on the part of the branch nearest to her face.

“I’m not even going to ask.” Edmund mumbled as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, even though the statement was irrelevant considering he had already asked.

And apparently, for some reason he was going to continue doing so. He walked closer, not feeling completely at ease with her suspended up in the air like that with only a branch which he wouldn’t be placing any trust on to hang on to. A fall from that height might not hurt someone his size, but it sure would her.

“Why is it you’re always climbing on something when I see you?”

Either his attempt to sound stern had been ignored or it completely went over her head. Both were equally likely, he thought. Meiri only shrugged, or did so as best as she could in her current position, causing her body to sway a bit. The branch creaked, making his breath hitch but seemingly having no effect on her.

“Not my fault interesting things are up high so often.”

He considered her answer as she seemingly went back to examining the lichen (and was it even healthy to look at them up this close?), not really seeing the fault in her logic. It sort of was why he kept his job, in the end. Maybe if he explained this to her he could beat the cop allegations.

“Oh, yeah?” Creeping even closer and telling himself that it was because even he wasn’t enough of a jerk to leave a child in a dangerous situation, Edmund hoped he looked unassuming as he took his hands out of his pockets and began calculating which would be the best position to keep them in order to catch her if needs be. “And what’s interesting about lichen?”

The kid let her head fall back in order to look at him, blinking in surprise. “They’re algae.” She said, even though she sounded unsure that she should be saying something. “And fungi as well. They’re in an obligatory mutualistic relationship; I mean, those two types of organisms exist by themselves in other situations, but the species that form lichens can’t survive by themselves.”

Edmund raised an eyebrow. “How exactly is that good for either of them?”

“Right? That confused me too. Needing someone else to survive in order to live seems like too much trouble. But they manage; you find lichen living in much more diverse places than just algae or just fungi. Even deserts! So they seem to be getting something out of it. Keeping each other alive.”

It was too damn early to be getting philosophical about plants’ twice removed cousins. Unfortunately, the kid didn’t look like she was planning on moving anytime soon.

“They need to reproduce by either the fungus part reproducing on its own and finding another algae or cyanobacteria, or a bit of the lichen gets torn apart and grows back somewhere else. There’s a lot more of them here than around the city centre, because of air quality, and I’m trying to get a look at the fruiting bodies on these ones.”

Edmund let his hands fall down, genuinely impressed to have heard her speak so much all at once. It was probably more words than she’d spoken during the entire time she’d been with him some nights before. He didn’t know what it was he was been waiting for, whether it was being told to sod off and leave her alone, to get annoyed enough to leave by himself, or for her to keep going on about lichen for some reason. But remaining there paid off when he heard a particularly loud snap, and automatically reached up to grab her in one swift motion.

“Oi!” She protested once she was in his arms. “What the heck?!”

The girl didn’t weigh much at all. The hardest work he was currently doing was controlling his breathing and heart rate after his reflexes had taken charge and thankfully spared the child from a two metre high fall.

Or at least he thought they had, but the branch was still holding strong.

Which probably explained the indignant fire to Meiri’s eyes and the way she seemed to be fighting against his arms to be let go off.

“Stop yer squirming, the whole branch was gonna go down!”

“Oh, really?” She asked with no small amount of sarcasm as she pointedly looked from him to the perfectly still branch.

Edmund already had a counter argument on his tongue when, like an actor who had missed his cue, the middle of that very branch cracked and the half to which she’d been clinging to fell loudly on the floor in front of them, making them both startle.

“Oh!” Meiri stopped her fighting, looking down at what could very well have been her causa mortis had it not been for Edmund’s quick thinking. “Really.”

“Yes, kid, really!” He put her down on the floor, noticing how she immediately went to touch the branch. “How on earth come ya haven’t gotten yourself killed yet?!”

The girl only shrugged and began touching the branch seemingly at random. Edmund sighed, his shoulders dropping in exhaustion - more so emotionally after the scare than physically - as he failed to will himself to walk away now that there was no immediate danger to that child anymore.

“You gonna take this one home as well?” He asked for lack of a better thing to say.

“No. I saw what I wanted to already.” She then turned to him and raised her hands. “Plus my hands are probably full of spores now! If I touch the right places I might create new lichen.”

Okay, you are weird, he thought but refused to say out loud. There were certain things you never told children, no matter how profoundly you believed in them. He had been a weird kid; he would know.

“Well, good luck with that, then.” One foot in front of the other. Yes, Edmund, good job. He began walking away, telling himself it was Saturday afternoon so she was probably on her allowed ‘wandering around town’ time, and right after that reminding himself that whether or not it was the case was very much not his problem. He had a long day of looking at grass to get to.

He wasn’t allowed to.

“Hey!” She called after him when he was already walking away, and he groaned. Turning back to look at her, he put on his most stern look with his arms crossed, trying to convey an obvious ‘I don’t have time for this’ energy. He came to regret it, though, when he saw that she actually looked the most apologetic he’d ever seen her. She was twisting her hands on one another and biting her lip, looking to the side rather than at him.

“Thank you for not letting me fall.”

The sentence sounded like it took a lot of effort to make it come out of her mouth, but she still made sure each word was clearly pronounced, and seemed to take his small nod as enough of an answer.

“AndcouldIborrowthatbookyouhave?”

That question was much more hurried, like she was afraid that it would either hurt to get it out or that she would be punished for asking it. Neither of which were very good signs, so Edmund blinked as he stared at her, his silence lasting longer simply because he was caught off guard by it.

“I don’t know which one you’re talking about, but sure. I haven’t gotten rid of any books recently, so it must still be here.”

When she brought her eyes back to look at his, there was no small amount of surprise on them. He didn’t quite get it; it sure was surprising that she’d come all the way here to ask (or all the way here to look at lichen and then took the opportunity to ask, whatever), but he couldn’t see why it was unexpected for him to agree. Even if it were only to get rid of her, what harm could it do to let her have a book he probably hadn’t opened in years?

Checking his watch to see if he still had time to spare (he didn’t, but what was going to happen during daylight hours? Reverse troll attack?), he walked back past her and to his cabin, keeping the door open in a gesture to allow her inside. She stepped in and walked purposefully to his bookshelf, easily selecting the volume she wanted: a relatively thin one on identification of the local arboreal flora.

“Thanks.” She said while looking down at it. “What would you like me to do when I’m done reading it?”

He didn’t really care.

“Well, where do you plan on reading it?”

Meiri looked at him and shrugged, scanning the area as if to look for a good shade to read under.

He took a deep breath, fighting back the unexpected idea of asking her if she wanted to read while he stayed in his post on top of the wall. But he didn’t need something to annoy him or distract him from the absolute Nothing he was supposed to monitor.

“Eh, you know where I live. Just leave it in front of the door inside a plastic bag or something in case it rains.”

That seemed to be enough, and she ducked her head in acknowledgement before walking away. His exhale was almost an amused snort as he turned around to do the same.

…......

She delivered the book back into his hands herself, in the end.

He had been off duty in his house, sitting on his couch and listening to the radio as he read the newspaper. It was now one day old, true, but surely that was an acceptable lag. He raised his eyes to the door after hearing two curt knocks, not having the chance to neither ask who it was nor tell them to come in before the door was slightly opened.

He saw nothing.

And then he lowered his gaze a whole bunch and saw Meiri looking at him.

“Oh, look at the time!” He gasped with mock brightness as he looked at the spot in his wrist where he usually wore his watch, currently bare. “It’s ‘little girls shouldn’t be out by themselves’ hours!”

Whereas she’d poked her head inside the house looking uncertain at first, Meiri began glaring at him immediately after that. He was getting used to that, truth be told. Wordlessly, she stepped inside with the book in her arms and closed the door behind herself, keeping her frown firmly in place as she walked towards him and handed him a piece of paper she’d been keeping inside of her hoodie’s pocket. Edmund only broke eye contact after taking it from her in order to read it. The paper seemed to have been ripped from a notebook and had a few sentences in cursive calligraphy.

“Dear sir,

We were informed that Meiri had a book that belongs to you and that she wanted to return it as soon as possible. As such, we made an exception and allowed her to go out after dinner tonight, seeing as she will be at school tomorrow morning. We trust that she will be safe in your presence, but feel no obligation to keep watch over her for any longer than necessary; she knows her way back.

In case there’s any need for it, have my personal phone number and also St. Anne’s.

XXXXXXXXX

XXXXXXXXX

Terry Hansen”

The signature was a sweeping scrawl Edmund was fairly sure no child could feign. Plus, now he had a means to contact her zookeepers, so that was a bonus.

What was not a bonus is that said zookeepers seemed to have as many brain cells as wild animals themselves. ‘We trust that she will be safe in your presence’, what bullshit was that? He had seen him exactly once, absolutely nothing guaranteed these imbeciles that Edmund wasn’t some sort of creep.

Unless they were trusting him on the grounds of him being a Patrol officer, in which case they were even bigger imbeciles.

“Fair enough.” He said, not mentioning any of that to the girl since none of it was her fault or under her control. “There’s no method to my shelf’s organisation, so feel free to leave it wherever.”

“I noticed.” He heard her grumble under her breath as she kneeled on top of the wooden chest directly underneath his shelves in order to reach them more easily.

“Yeah, and my best friend’s a librarian, can you believe it? Almost has a stroke any time she comes here.”

She blinked at him, surprised he had paid her any mind, and just… stood there awkwardly near the door, taking in the space even though she’d been there before, clearly uncertain of what to do. Deciding to take mercy on her, Edmund gestured to the empty spots on the couch and the chairs on the table. As she walked over to sit on the opposite edge of the sofa, he decided to see if he could break her silence.

“What did you think of it?”

“It was good.” She removed her white (well, grey) sneakers and turned to sit facing him, her legs crossed. “I took so long with it because I was writing down some notes about it in my notebook.”

He hummed, deciding not to comment on how her definition of ‘so long’ was four days.

“And are you already reading anything new?”

Meiri nodded, her voluminous hair bouncing slightly with it. “I was going to come earlier, but I began reading a book in the library and lost track of time.”

He was going to be a responsible adult. He was going to be a responsible and mature adult and he would not take advantage of the fact that she apparently frequented the library to teach her to mess with Kaisa.

He hated being an adult.

“Cool.” He put his newspaper down and got up from the couch, stretching his arms above his head after doing so. Her gaze followed him. “I’m gonna make tea. You want some?”

“Lemongrass?”

“You got it.”

This time he had actual lemongrass to brew in the kettle, so hopefully it would turn out better, even if she seemed to have enjoyed the first one. So maybe he should be hoping she’d like this one. You really never knew with kids.

“So-” He began as he took the leaves from their jar. “What’s yer book about?”

“Flower language.”

Edmund hummed. “And?”

“And?”

He turned his head back to look at her, finding her looking at him like he was displaying some sort of enigmatic behaviour she couldn’t crack. “What have you learned already? If ya don’t mind sharing.”

Edmund went back to pouring water inside the kettle, but not before seeing her blink in surprise. “You want me to tell you about it?”

“Well, if I didn’t I wouldn’t’ve asked, would I?”

“Why?”

Great question! He hated it.

“Flowers are cool.” And I wish I could have talked to people about what I liked when I was your age. “And I want some background noise; yer voice isn’t quite as annoying as I first thought.”

He turned the stovetop on and put the kettle atop of it, being showed her tongue as soon as he turned to her again. Edmund wasn’t an ass, at least he didn’t like to think of himself as one. But he had to admit that messing with this kid was pretty fun, especially since she was completely capable of giving as good as she got. Despite her indignation, true or otherwise, she began sharing what she’d learned so far when he sat back down. Reluctantly at first, but the more she realised he was actually listening the more she picked up in pace and energy.

“I don’t get why there are flowers that mean something as specific as ‘asking for forgiveness’” She said when they were both drinking their teas already; if she’d noticed any difference in taste from the previous one, she didn’t mention it. “Isn’t it much easier to actually go to someone and say sorry?”

Edmund rubbed the stubble on his chin. “I mean… kinda? It’s easier in the way that you don’t have to go looking for a flower and then give it to the person, but saying sorry can be hard sometimes, you know?”

That seemed to actually give her pause and make her think. “I’m not sure I do. Maybe it’s hard when you mean it. When you’re actually sorry. But usually when I apologise it’s just because someone is making me.”

He was not about to open that particular box right then and there, but he stored the information away for a later date. And then he got confused as to why he expected to ever see this girl again, anyway.

“That’s true. The more you regret something, the harder it is to face it. I think either flowers or a ‘sorry’ are fine. If someone wrongs you, it’s enough to have them acknowledge it in most cases.”

She tilted her head to the side. “In most cases?”

“Yeah. In some you do have to walk away from that person or relationship. But you shouldn’t worry about that, kid. It’ll come to you at the right time.”

Her head bobbed up and down as she nodded mindlessly, her gaze unfocused as she concentrated on whatever thought process she was going through rather than the world around her.

She actually looked a lot more calm than he’d ever seen her.

They finished their teas in companionable silence, having run out of flowers to talk about. Before leaving, she ducked her head in what he interpreted as a sign of respect.

He was probably just being delusional.

“Thank you for having me.” She said, clearly quoting a script but sounding genuine all the same.

“No worries. Can you do me a favour, kid?”

Rather than answering, she only looked at him, letting him know he had her attention.

“Ask Mr. Hansen to call me when you get home safely.”

He slipped a piece of paper with his number into her hand, and she nodded. The girl then went off into the night, and Edmund only closed the door when he could see her no longer.

…......

“No.”

“No?”

“Ya heard me.”

“Oh, come on! What would it even cost you?”

The grumpy witch crossed her arms and sat back against the back of her chair, upset that all of her neat and carefully presented arguments hadn’t had an effect on the man in front of her. Truly an ‘unstoppable force meets immovable object” kind of situation, but he was determined to be more resilient than she was insistent.

No small challenge, that was.

“Me? It’d cost me nothing.” She raised her hands above her head in clear frustration. “But it would cost you a lot. You can’t keep avoiding this, Kaisa. You need to talk to her.”

Kaisa slid down the back of her chair, groaning. “But I don’t want to!”

An eyebrow raised, Edmund twirled his cup so as to mix what’s inside - even though it was only pure black coffee - while he looked at the image in front of him. Had he known less about Kaisa’s life, he would have helped her in an instant. Asking an old lady to deliver a book to the library, how hard could it be? But he knew what she was really avoiding and couldn’t in good conscience enable that road she was going down.

“You don’t? I hadn’t noticed.”

“Do you want me to be thrown into the void?”

He was about to answer that yes, in fact, he’d have a blast if it came to that, when the cafe was suddenly filled with noise as a group of children swarmed in. They all wore the Edmund Ahlberg Elementary’s uniform and backpacks with multiple shapes, laughing, screaming, speaking over each other.

Kaisa had the exact reaction Edmund would have expected: cringing and clearly fighting (losing) the internal battle to resist the librarian urge to tell those kids to quiet down.

Edmund too groaned, looking behind himself as he had been facing opposite the cafe’s door to see what the fuss was all about. In a matter of moments they were both shooting the mass of kids their best Disapproving Adult Glares, which worked as well as one would expect (it didn’t work at all).

But they tried, they tried because they remembered having some respect (or fear) for adults when they were that age, so maybe the clout would come at some point and the kids would realise that they could still act like children, but keep it down just a notch.

They didn’t, but that attempt kept them looking and paying attention to the kids. It was clearly some sort of impromptu birthday party, since all of them were gathered around one child in specific, a boy with perfect golden hair, and trying to bargain a whole cake out of an unamused cashier.

“Popular kid.” Kaisa huffed with her arms crossed. “Can you even imagine talking to that many people in school?”

But Edmund was far more invested in the children’s conversation then Kaisa now, because one of the kids nearest to him - not close enough to the birthday boy to be their friends, nor disinterested looking enough to be loser kids, so likely bootlickers - began very loudly whispering for all in the vicinity to hear.

“Why did Meiri come along?” He asked the girl beside him. “Brannon doesn’t even like her.”

Whether that was his end goal or not, most kids in his periphery began giggling, mean comments of the sort spreading themselves throughout the mass of kids. Edmund frowned, scanning the group for a familiar pair of dark eyes.

And found them in the back, still near the entrance, clearly listening to everything that was being said and looking around at her peers like a caged animal that had nowhere to run to. And then she met his gaze.

Edmund only thought about what he was going to do for a split second. It wasn’t his problem, shouldn’t be of his interest, but the popular looking birthday boy began snickering along to the mean spirited comments and enough was enough.

“Meiri, there you are!” He said, cheerful like he usually only was when pretending and only loud enough to make it seem like it only interested him to be heard by the girl herself. He thought his acting was good enough. “We were waiting for you, come sit!”

All eyes turned to her, and even though she looked like she was clearly aware she hadn’t been left a choice, she hurried past her classmates to go to their table in the back, pretending to the best of her abilities that that was her plan all along.

“Child. At our table.” Kaisa said, very unhelpfully and even less coherently when Meiri was close enough to be standing practically by Edmund’s side. “Why is there a child at our table?”

“Because she walked here with her little child legs.” He answered, determined to be even more unhelpful.

Ignoring the argument, or the lack of one in front of her, Meiri glared at Edmund. “You didn’t have to do that.”

She sounded half like she was complaining, but oddly enough the other half seemed like she was acknowledging she’d been offered an easy way out of an awful situation. And Ed did keep in mind that she’d just been through a stressful couple of moments. It would be just normal for her to be a bit snappy.

“Of course not. But Kaisa and I were going to let a bunch of food go to waste as per usual, so you might as well sit down and help us out with that.”

Her eyes went first to the brunch spread, not really impressed at the amount of food but surprised that only two people seemed to have decided to share it. And then, her gaze went to Kaisa. The change was noticeable; her eyebrows rose and her lips parted slightly, clearly having decided in her young mind that the witch was the epitome of cool. Or, considering she was a regular library patron, she’d probably made that decision a long time ago and now was just amazed to be so close to her idol.

Edmund was not jealous.

“Meiri, this is Kaisa. She’s the friend I told you about. Kaisa, Meiri. She’s a nice little girl, that’s all you need to know.”

He wasn’t sure either of them had heard him. Slowly, without taking her eyes away from the librarian, Meiri pulled back the chair on Edmund’s side and sat down. Kaisa was also staring back at the child, and it was hilarious to see that he couldn’t tell who was more intimidated by who.

“I visit him sometimes.” Meiri added, as if finding the information he had provided to be unsatisfactory, and despite the fact that she had only visited him three times before.

Three times. That was actually a lot. How had that happened?

“You know, Ed.” Kaisa whispered, still looking at the now sitting child like she was seeing a ghost. Scratch that, she probably knew how to act more natural around ghosts. “When I told you to get yourself a child, I did mean legally.”

He groaned, rolling his eyes as he grabbed the cup that had been in front of Meiri’s seat to pour some of the berries tea that had come with their combo for her.

“I didn’t get myself a child.” He said, interrupting his explanation to put the steaming cup back in front of her with a ‘here, kid, this one is red berries flavoured. See if you like it and serve yourself to whatever, we’ve got plenty’. “She’s just a random girl who likes to play near my house. Nothing to it.”

Kaisa was staring at him like he’d gone insane.

“What the fuck?”

He immediately gasped, glaring at his friend just before turning to the girl who had been blowing on her tea, making her raise her brows.

“Don’t repeat that word until you are a teenager!”

“Ed, are you shitting me?”

“Or that!”

“Your name is Edward?”

Intentionally or not, she sure avoided the conversation escalating into an argument between the two adults. He opened and closed his mouth wordlessly, amazed that they’d gotten that far without her knowing his name. He cleared his throat.

“Edmund, actually.”

“Wow, your kid doesn’t even know your name?”

“You mean like the name of my school?” She tilted her head to the side. “I’m so sorry.”

She didn’t even need to elaborate. Her face clearly conveyed her impression regarding the figure of Edmund Ahlberg. Edmund was about to say he didn’t mind it, when Meiri sighed and spoke up again.

“It’d be so much more fair if people got to pick their own names.”

And then, of course, Kaisa could not resist the sweet allure of being a little shit.

“But that’s the worst part.” She giggled, and when Edmund’s glare only conveyed an ‘I’ll kill you’ anger rather than a ‘please don’t tell her’ fear, she continued. “He picked. He did that to himself, can you believe it?”

He threw his hands up in the air, having been over this countless times with Kaisa.

“It’s supposed to be ironic and funny!”

“It is funny! It’s a hilarious joke, but it’s at your expense!”

“Oh, fuck you.” His eyes became the size of their saucers as soon as he said that, immediately whipping his head to the side (and tilting it downwards) to reinforce what he’d just said about that word. To his surprise, what he saw wasn’t something he’d ever witnessed before.

Meiri was holding back laughter.

And because of that, he let Kaisa off the hook.

“Whatever. Meiri, what do you like?”

She blinked her big dark eyes at him. “Hm?”

“What do you like to eat for brunch? We have basically anything you can imagine.”

“Well…” It was clear the question confused her, but she scrambled to find an answer, not wanting to disappoint them and not really understanding why she was being offered any of it. “I’ve never had brunch before, so I don’t know. I like dates?”

“Okay, store your imagination away for a bit. We don’t have that, kid.”

“But you said-”

“I know, I know, it was a big overstatement. Now, do you like pancakes?”

The plate with pancakes was usually left untouched or missing one pancake that Kaisa may or may not pick depending on her mood. Considering it was a very child friendly food, Edmund picked it up from near his friend, who was watching the scene in front of her with great amusement, and put it in front of the little girl. She informed them she’d never eaten pancakes (to which they’d both sent her looks of horror), since the orphanage’s head cook, who essentially chose their meals, was an immigrant from a country where they didn’t really eat them. She said their breakfast was usually fruit with a cheese and ham sandwich, so Edmund grabbed her some slices of banana and strawberry that he was reasonably sure Kaisa wasn’t going to eat - and if she was planning to, she didn’t complain - and put them on top of the pancakes, hoping the added fruit would make the flavours more familiar to her.

And also make it so he wasn’t feeding this child who he was in no way in charge of a complete sugar bomb. Come to think of it, St. Anne’s cook had a good point. Who the hell had decided fried cake was an acceptable breakfast food?

They talked some more, and Kaisa eventually stopped looking at the girl like she was an alien, even if the girl didn’t stop looking at her like she was a famous rockstar quite just yet. The group of kids had decided the place was too expensive if they wanted to buy an entire cake with their own allowances, and left soon after having arrived; after that happened, and Edmund asked what in the world they had all been doing at school on a Saturday, Meiri disclosed that they were all part of a special science program for people who either enjoyed it or had an affinity.

Which sounded cool as hell, but Meiri didn’t speak of it with much fondness.

“Your tea’s better.” She told him after the waiter had left with the money they’d given him to get their change.

“Of course it is.” He scoffed, feeling playful before noticing with no small amount of surprise that that girl had actually complimented him. Or, well, something he did, but it was all the same in the end.

Together, him and Kaisa left a very good tip to their waiter, and the three of them got up at the same time. Edmund and Meiri led the way, with Kaisa choosing to follow them closely so she could entertain herself with the pair.

“It was good to see you eating, for once. Must spend a lot of energy with how much you climb around.”

“It was good to see you eating food for once.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” They were already outside at that point, so Ed was able to raise his voice just slightly.

“Sandwiches aren’t dinner.” Meiri stated, holding to her chest a textbook she’d taken out of her bag at some point to show them. “It’s what you ate when I met you, and I saw your toaster plugged on last time I visited you. That’s not a meal.”

“It’s a perfectly reasonable meal!”

“It is not.”

“Don’t ya know that grains are the base of the food pyramid?”

“Whole grains. The bread you use is whiter than you are.”

He gaped at her in stunned and indignant silence for a moment. “And I suppose you know everything about that, do you?”

“Not really. But I must know more than you since I don’t eat sandwiches every night.”

“You don’t know that I eat them every night!”

She shot him a very level knowing look.

“Well, fine. What would you have me eat, then, if you’re so wise in the ways of nutrition?”

Meiri went back to facing forward, shrugging. “Tia Teresa usually cooks us rice and beans with some type of meat. And salad.”

Oh. Actual actual food.

“Well, I’ll be a son of a woff. How mad will this woman be at me for having fed you pancakes?”

“Not much, probably. She thinks you’re kind to me.”

“Wait, she knows about me?” He stopped walking in order to ask her about it properly, but this only made Meiri duck her head and walk faster, so he actually ended up having to pick up his pace. She was surprisingly quick for someone with such short legs. “You told her about me?”

“Shut up!”

“No, I won’t! Aw, kid, you do care!”

He kept on lightly teasing her for it as she vehemently denied ever having mentioned his name, in the aggressive ways of an awful liar who thinks they can convince other people simply by reinforcing what’s being said. Kaisa watched this from behind, letting them get more and more distant since she was actually headed to the opposite side. They were still arguing (or maybe they were just talking, she wasn’t at all sure) when she lost sighmeirit of the pair, and she chuckled as she turned on her heels to go back home. She might not have gotten what she’d wanted to out of Edmund, but she sure had found something much more interesting that day.

#BK exactly 000.5 milliseconds after meeting A Random Child: nobody knows how hard it is to be a single dad #wasn't able to post it on tumblr yesterday #bc I was at a congress all day and editing text on mobile is actual martyrdom #I suffered more than Joan of Arc while trying #BUT no one can say I'm behind schedule bc I actually did update on ao3 on Friday. Success #meiridom #fic: fotw #my fic #hilda oc #the bell keeper hilda #meiri #the bell keeper fanfic #hilda the series fanfic #Meiri (oc)

[tvrningout-a]

CHASING TOMORROW | ISEKAI AU

ft. dórverold aka my original lore

prologue:

we know how the story goes: chiyo grows up, achieves her dream of becoming a mangaka and then... life keeps going. yet she finds herself stagnant, or worse, falling backwards into old habits, isolating herself and second-guessing her place in her loved ones' lives. but tomorrow will be better. it will.

mál makes sure of it.

the dimension-hopping god favors chiyo, has a feeling about her. he tells her so as an explanation for why he plucks her from her cushy, modern life and drops her into dórverold, a land ravaged by a traitorous king and his undead army. she's the key -- or at least a piece of a key -- to saving them all, he's sure!

chiyo? she's not so sure. in fact, the only thing she's sure of is that she'd wring mál's neck for bringing her here if he weren't her only way home. he says his power has a " cool down, " so she's stuck here for now. she's pretty sure he's lying. after all, he seems pretty determined to make her his " champion " ( " my mom's gonna have one, too! but i'm gonna be first, heh. " ), granting her magic she doesn't want and a connection to him she could do without. her mind doesn't feel as private as it once did.

but let's skip ahead a little, hmm?

what's happened and what's happening:

mál remains with chiyo, travelling with her until he finally leads her to prince delwyn. at this time, he's on his way to stay with one of his father's bannermen, and the free army is only an idea in his frazzled mind. chiyo and mál are assumed to be refugees, and chiyo befriends delwyn on their journey.

at mál's insistence and because she doesn't have much of a choice, chiyo sticks with delwyn when he decides to form an army, growing closer to the prince despite her own social status ( she realizes that actually matters now ). she's a willing ear, and he doesn't pry; he asks her opinion, and he seems to truly consider it.

chiyo is the one to urge delwyn to seek out rin, find out if she's legit, and recruit her if so. this is in the free army's best interest as the dwarves will house them if they have the lightwielder, but it's also in chiyo's best interest. if rin is who they say she is, then sunna's champion will surely be more important than mál's. maybe chiyo's role won't be quite so big.

rin joins the free army, and time progresses. mál grows restless and unhappy with chiyo's refusal to practice her magic. she's wasting her potential! she's not meant to fight. she's always been a fighter. she just got tired. hasn't she rested enough?

mál leaves after that conversation. chiyo tries to not think about how alone she feels.

a day comes when someone tries to kill delwyn, darting out from the shadows, dagger glinting in the moonlight, and--- there they remain. frozen in time. it doesn't last long, but it's long enough for delwyn to incapacitate them and turn to chiyo with surprise and suspicion. but she's too busy staring at her hands.

delwyn and rin interrogate her, though much less formally than the rest of their inner circle would like. she spills the beans about mál -- as much as she can without sounding completely insane, which means she tells them he blessed her with magic she didn't want, told her she was his champion, etc. that seems to be enough. for now.

fast forward to the present, and chiyo practices her magic with a few different mages, including bronwyn. her status as mál's champion is kept under wraps for the time-being, if only to give her time to grow. it's apparent that she might not survive assassination attempts, as untrained as she is, yet it is also apparent that the time god was correct. she does have great potential with the magic he gifted her.

chiyo's pretty sure that wasn't what he meant, though.

other info:

chiyo's current cover story is that she's from across the sea, and that's why she's so unfamiliar with the land. her family were merchants visiting delwyn's kingdom when king edmund seized power. it's a story that could easily be unraveled, but she's been lucky so far.

mál gave chiyo time and teleportation magic -- basically his own powers on a smaller scale! there's a good deal that she can do with this combat-wise, but seeing as she's a beginner, she's mainly used to stopping people in their tracks, travelling small distances, and using time magic to heal wounds ( if she rewinds time, it's temporary; progressing time is risky if the wound isn't treated first ).

along with her magic, mál blessed chiyo with an impeccable memory and good luck when travelling. it's not something she really notices bc it's pretty subtle.

chiyo's connection with mál means she could call upon him for aid if she needed to, and he's told her so! she has admittedly called upon him bc she misses him :' ) this connection also allows him to hear her thoughts and vice versa, but he tries to respect her privacy and doesn't often use the connection like that.

unlike rin, chiyo will not be revived if she dies. mál isn't capable of such a miracle like sunna is, which is why he gives chiyo the power to call him.

#chasing tomorrow | isekai | dórverold | chiyoko #this was a doozy to write out oh my gosh #i don't blame y'all if you just kinda skim this ASDF #but i'll smooch your sweet face if you read it :' )) #now excuse me bc i'm dropping this on the dash and zooming to go shower bc it's 10 pm already oh jeez!! #i gotta work early tomorrow rip #headcanons | chiyoko #btw.... maybe i'll write mal as a fleshed out character..... perhaps......

[kathonydaily]

Hi! Hope you’re well!

I don’t quite remember the exact words Edmund said to Anthony before the deadly bee sting, but he said something like “you need to let others see you at your worst before they can see you at your best” and I find his words to be so prophetic of what would eventually happen for Anthony and Kate. Also, his words were great and wise advice… but Anthony (due to his grief and increased responsibilities) wasn’t ready to follow. Both he and Kate were so closed off to others, only ever allowing themselves to show a façade instead of their true selves. And, despite themselves, their façades slipped to one another and *because* of the other. C’était plus fort qu’eux.

Also, I was just reading your post about the Harmony ball. I absolutely agree that everyone was just having fun, being happy, letting those walls down, not even noticing Kate and Anthony’s closeness. Except for Edwina. As she was dancing with Colin, she couldn’t seem to help herself in almost glaring at them. When everyone else was “in harmony”, she wasn’t. And then, of course, her harsh words to Kate… which I honestly skipped over on my second rewatch as I found her to be just *mean* and wrong. I’m still on the fence on how I feel about the way the writers changed her character and thus, the dynamic between both sisters, and that of Mary with Kate.

Anyways, love reading your opinions and breakdowns of the scenes and character dynamics.

Thank you!

N

I agree about Edmund's words. Anthony has always tried to be perfect, to fullfill the image of what he percieved as the perfect man (his father) that he totally forgot who he really was inside. Same for Kate. Both of them sacrificed themselves for their families and it took them meeting to finally bring out their true self, the ones they thought were unlovable, but in reality the ones they both fell in love with. I also find interesting this conversation between Edmund and Anthony:

A: It's impossible.

E: Now, now. There'll be plenty of other opportunities.

A: I've failed each and every time. I can just hear what Benedict will have to say about this. Colin too.

E: All the more reason to keep trying.

It has always been a flaw of Anthony: believing that something was impossible to begin with and instead of fighting for it, thinking he was a failure because he couldn't do it. It's something that even Daphne pointed out to him in ep6: why not fight for the things he desired, for the family that he wanted? He replied that he was fighting for the family that he had, but the truth was that wasn't fighting, that was trying to fullfill his duty, something it was trust upon him the moment his father died. He didn't fight for the things he truly wanted because he thought they were impossible. It was impossible for him to have something for himself, he was resigned to live his life for his family, so why even try? And it was the same for Kate too. Edwina pointed out to her, always in ep6, why she should be Viscountess and not her? Because for Kate it was impossible even entertaining the idea after years spent putting her sister's happiness (and Mary) abover her own. It was impossible so why even try?

It took the entire season for them to finally realize that fighting for what they wanted was worth it, despite the maybe impossible outcome. Anthony declaring his feelings for Kate without knowing if she would accept his confession, or if she would have returned to India either way, was a leap of faith on his part. It was him finally fighting for the impossible. And her accepting his love and overcoming her sense of inadequance and worthless, was her finally fighting for the impossible. She could be the Viscountess after all, she just should have believed it.

About Edwina in the Harmony's dance: her words were cruel and unnecessary yes, but also we can't control our feelings and well she was still pretty hurt about what happened. I've said this again but to me they changed the dynamic between the Sharmas family in the show to fit more the desi's culture and representation. The eldest sister having to provide for the younger one, teaching her everything she knows, and the younger being the one who had to marry? Totally desi's representation. Of course the downside of that is an eldest sister who lived and breathed for the younger one, and the younger one who was spoiled and naive and couldn't see her sister's feelings and needs. It was an unbalanced relationship that needed some adjusting, and that's why the 'triangle' or the almost wedding was important IMHO. Edwina finally woke up, and yeah she said some pretty harsh things, that Kate totally didn't deserve, but she was also a brat who was lashing out toward her parent's figure. It was all a process for her to finally grow up, and she did at the end. And seeing her sister finally as an adult and not as a child anymore, gave Kate the opportunity to begin to think about herself too.

#bridgerton #kathony #kanthony #asks

[thelonelybrilliance]

10 Years of TolkienGirl

This December marked ten years of my posting fanfiction online. Between ff.net and AO3, I've shared more than a thousand fics (some best forgotten, at this point). On AO3 alone, I've posted well over 2 million words of writing. I feel that I've learned so much about the craft of writing, the essentials of character development, and limitless range of interpretation. My favorite accomplishments are the completion of several novel and novella-length works, and of course, my collaborative AU project with @abadpoetwithdreams and @wearetakingthehobbitstogallifrey. To celebrate, I'm sharing fifty personal favorites/milestones below:

25 One-Shots:

an imaginary line (2020) - The Silmarillion - What if Maedhros, in Himring, taught the ravens to speak?

and one to call home (2021) - Friday Night Lights - It’s the fear. It’s the hope. It’s the dream, the beginning of everything, head coach of the Dillon Panthers, so much riding on the choice to stay and stay and stay—

half omen, half hope (2019) - The Guest - This is what nobody ever tells you about fear: sometimes, you survive it.

the darkness drops again (but now I know) (2017) - Star Wars - Everything that Kylo Ren ever was is breaking like a wave.

as old as your omens (2018) - Queen's Thief series - Lose a hand, love the sword that took it. (She is the sword.)

sorry about the blood in your mouth (I wish it was mine) (2018) - Stranger Things - Steve is hanging by a thread. 

time, a maniac scattering dust (2018) - MCU: Avengers/Iron Man/Captain America - "I am" is so much easier to explain than "I am not."

we are not traitors but the lights go out (2018) - Queen's Thief series - Attolia feels as if she alone kills in cold blood.

the best lack all conviction (2016) - Daredevil - Matt’s first fear, when the world is stone-still and silent around him, is that he’s going to die. His second is that he’s going to live.

I will be a gun (and it's you I'll come for) (2019) - The Guest/ 손 - Do priests wear black because they carry sin, or so that they can hide it better?

lonely as a cloud (2018) - MCU: Avengers/Thor - “How much of it is real?” Thor asks, because he always, always wants to know. Loki’s brow furrows. The flowers falter and fade. “None of it,” he says flatly.

never all at once (2017) - MCU: Captain America - Bucky never stops falling, and Steve never stops running, and worst of all is that both of them keep living, on and on, as though the train that ran that mountain pass still has them by the hands, metal and metal.

a blur of conquerors (2019) - My Country: The New Age/ 나의 나라  - For Bang-won, stillness is an art.

we are truth-speakers (2016) - Supernatural - Sam and Dean discover J.R.R. Tolkien.

if gold rusts (what then can iron do) (2016) - MCU: Avengers/Captain America - He doesn’t know where this leaves him. He doesn’t know why everyone leaves him.

the blackbird's tale (2017) - Scarlet Heart Ryeo/ 달의 연인-보보경심 려 - She is a princess before she is a girl, a queen before she is a mother.

land of the living (2017) - The Chronicles of Narnia - Susan had thought that this would be the simplest place to start.

here is my hand that will not harm you (2021) - Big Little Lies - Perry seemed like the answer to everything. Sometimes he still does.

his skin barely keeping him inside (2018) - The Vampire Diaries - Somewhere between trying to be a better man and snapping Jeremy Gilbert’s neck, you lost your way. That much is obvious. Less obvious is how you can come back from it.

let us love him at right angles (and each other not at all) (2018) - The Lord of the Rings - "They were so alike, him and my father."

we shall have spring again (2016) - The Chronicles of Narnia - Winter is long, long ago. Edmund doesn’t know why it just won’t leave him alone.

Penultimate (2016) - MCU: Captain America - Steve wonders what would happen if he never stopped running.

it does not do to dwell on dreams (and forget to live) (2016) - White Collar - Sometimes, Peter wonders if Neal only smiles when he lies.

praying with a gun (2018) - Sherlock - All the dates are wrong, and all the data.

all love is time travel (2021) - Once Upon a Time - Killian has long been a captain, and so he does not show weakness or indecision unless he wishes to. 

5 Multi-Chaps:

Fixing on the Hour (2018, revised 2021) - Pride and Prejudice - In which Darcy Williams meets Eli Bennett, tries to be the best at everything, and maybe loses the chip on her shoulder.

Match (2018) - Emma - Emmett Woodhouse returns home from college, and sets about fixing everything but himself.

nor are we forgiven (which brings us back) (2018) - Star Wars - Sometimes going back to the beginning is farther back than you expect.

the way it all melted (like ice melts) (2016) - Supernatural - In January 2001, the Winchesters hunt Grendel, and Sam's life begins to take him away.

what our hearts used to be (2019) - Scarlet Heart Ryeo/ 달의 연인-보보경심 려 - Maybe she dreamed of an ancient kingdom so that she could save a modern empire.

10 Fics from 2022:

The Figurehead (WIP) - Stranger Things - When the first flakes of living ash begin to fall, Steve isn’t ready. He’s never ready. That’s not what counts.

the second hand unwinds (Multi-Chap) - Stranger Things - Steve will be damned if this is the end. Steve is damned already if he has to watch Nancy die in front of him.

love is not a victory march - Friday Night Lights - Fear is something that has always been tied up with Tyra’s understanding of home.

tide me death, betide me life - Stranger Things - Robin’s something of an expert in the business of looking at Steve Harrington for the wrong reasons.

see my heart burning in the distance - Friday Night Lights - For now it’s enough to be free. It’s enough to be unrecognizable. Most of the time, it’s enough to leave.

the heart is slow to learn - Stranger Things - It’s the day after the end of the world, and Nancy can’t sleep.

of green fires lit on the soil of the earth - Friday Night Lights - It’s just been so long since Eric had anyone to talk to about this.

and last year's leaves are smoke in every lane - Stranger Things - “A classic,” Robin says, though no one asked for her opinion. She has the tape in hand. “I always thought Laszlo gets short shrift, you know? He’s so heroic. And Bogart was short. But the heart wants what it wants, right?”

staring into all man's plateglass, faces, questioning after who loves - Stranger Things - Jonathan quirks half a smile in her direction. “Do you want to be right, or do you want me to have lunch with you?”

and yet shall mourn - MCU: Spiderman- There are times when MJ is sure she’s splitting in two, self and not-self, or maybe, self and truer self. Which—what the hell, again? Who is she, if she isn’t herself?

10 Gold Rush Silmarillion AU Fics:

no better hope - Fingon sets forth on his impossible mission.

within the hollow crown - Maedhros' life ends in every way but death.

steadfast as the hills of stone - Fingon is not done healing his cousin. His cousin does not particularly want to be healed.

between the jealous mountains (shall we mourn) - Vengeance is a long road--longer for some than others.

in their eyes (shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes) - Gwindor thought it would be enough, to love in a place of safety.

the tabernacle (reconstructed) - This is the land of plenty (or something like that).

chase winter from the human face - What sort of budding doctor am I?

our possible life - On Christmas Eve, Maedhros asks Estrela a favor.

the song I sing again and again - The night may not be young, but they are.

shatter my dream (with the aid of reality) - Who is he? Pater noster, he whispers to himself, of himself.

#my fanfic #my fic #my masterlists #fic list #10 years!!!

[wanderei]

☆ 𓈒 ˙ 𓂃 penned with love 𓈒 ˙ 𝄞 𓂃 @bebelbitchin𓈒

there’s a lot of things i want to say when it comes to you, but at the same time, i do feel like i’m out of words; it feels like, the words that i’ve been choosing are somehow still doesn’t feels enough to describe the thing i want to say to you. i want to say thank you for being born, but the word ‘thankyou’ itself are still not enough for me, because i’m not only going to thank you for being exist, but i’m going to thank you for choosing your own way; so you can crossing paths with me and become what we are now. a thankyou still feels not enough because the thing that i feel for you is more than that. i feel happy and grateful to have you here by my side. to see you around, and to hold your hands whenever i have the chance. sure, thankyou is a nice words, but i feel like i need something more than that. something that could describe the overwhelming happiness that i’ve been constantly feels since the day i meet you.

i hope someday, you can see yourself from my point of view, so you’ll know how much i love you and adore you. sure, love isn’t about sugar, sunshine and a happy things only,

but with you, i’m willing to taste them all, the sugar, the sunshine, the rain, and even the pain. you make all of them beautiful. and it’s my honor to be feeling all of those things with you.

i just want you to know that i’m willing to fight, for you, and for us. my love for you are something that i cannot describe, not because of how abstract it is, but simply because i still couldn’t find the best words to describe them. i guess it’s kinda a thing; when you look at your favorite person and all you can do is just standing still, losing words to say; speechless, and only able to feel such an overwhelming happiness in your chest.

i’m not a librarian, a writer, nor a researcher, but for you, i will find and create my own words to make sure i could describe you, and this feeling sometimes. i want you to know that loving you was easy, it was natural, as if i’m breathing. i do it every second and it gets bigger and bigger. i hope i could make up all the bad things, bad past, and take all your pain so i could make you feel that you are being loved. just like a sentence that i word and quote from a book: “my darling, you will never be unloved by me, you are too well tangled in my soul.” as long as i'm still breathing, you’re going to be loved, my rue edmund clementine.

written by love, your sereine aiko.

[deargodhelpmeaaa]

a horrid list I can best describe as being akin to a kin list

to the unaware, kinning a character refers to feeling a really deep connection to a fictional character to the point of feeling almost like you are that character and that they are you, especially while going through the work that they come from. I may have defined that wrong but whatever... I would rather say I relate to certain characters in some way or another than that I kin them.

This list will have 3 categories, the first is characters that I felt a connection to in some way and realized it was a bad thing, the second is characters I felt a connection to in some way and found it wasn't really a bad thing entirely and the third is characters who I have been compared to by other people. These categories will be listed as category 1, category 2, and category 3.

to reitorate: Category1= oh shit I'm just like him I think I need therapy

Category 2= I'm just like this person but that's not so bad tbh

Category 3= People say I'm like them and they're not wrong.

With that being said, let's get to the list.

Category 1

Bojack Horseman

Well isn't this a wonderful way to start the list

Bojack honestly scared me with how much I related to him. He has severe mommy issues, just like me, he had this obsession with people liking him, he would constantly make dumb, self destructive decisions, constantly sabotaged his own relationships with how he acted, he was needy, and he had a lot of baggage. I should note here that no I've not gotten into any Penny or Sarah Lyn situations (if you watched the show you know what I mean) that shit is fucked up and there's no defending it. However, there are aspects of it I do relate to (like how Bojack isn't very attentive to Sarah Lyn's needs, as I think I sometimes did this and I feel bad about it) it's just not... that one specific thing those two situations have in common.

Anyway, that aside, as I was watching the show I actually felt a connection to him that I just... never really feel towards most characters. Me and him were really similar, I think, and there was a point where I just could feel what was gonna happen next. I could sense it, and when I saw it happen it almost felt like I also made that decision at the same time? It's hard to explain. This viewing experience was insane, though, because me and the main character were so similar.

I don't know if anyone I know will see the show and say that this character reminds them of me. I think most people might consider me to be a less graceful Diane, but I don't know. One of my followers is a Bojack fan, she can say who she thinks I'm most like. But when I watched this show I really just felt so connected to this character and I knew that wasn't a good thing, because his portrayal is anything but pretty. I don't know if I changed much after watching it but I definitely got a new perspective on myself and my life, and have made some progress as a person since. I think I'm a lot nicer now and hold back a lot more when it comes to talking to people.

Category 2

so this is a fire emblem character. look. I got into fire emblem at a young age bc my sister picked legend of zelda and I needed my own series so I wouldnt be the same as her so I looked through the super smash bros roster and what series the characters are from and opted for the anime one that makes up 90% of the roster. And I kinda like the gameplay so I sometimes get games from the series.

Anyway. This character is Marriane Von Edmund from Fire Emblem Three Houses, to those unfamiliar with her. I expected very little from her but was shocked to find that I actually really like her character after deciding to sit through some cutscenes with her in them. She's a shy, self loathing and pessimistic young woman who considers herself a burden on others. But she also has a really good heart and in many of her support conversations (where she talks to the other characters, all of them tend to have a little over arching plot and are split up into 3-4 parts) she is shown to be helped in finding a way past her self loathing and towards something new and beautiful... it's been a while since I last read these. Long story short, she's a sweet character, but her self loathing and pessimism make her really relatable to me. Also, just like me, she loves horses!

(wait why do both of the characters I have listed here first have to do with horses-)

What stands out to me about her is that during some of her support conversations, when the other person spoke to her it felt as if they weren't just speaking to her, but directly towards me. I had some really weird emotional reactions to this, and distinctly remember even crying over one (or even multiple) of them (or at least being brought nearly to tears). This is because I'm a total fucking pussy; I don't think the writing is that phenomenal. Anyway I love this character. I'm glad she exists. I come back to her support conversations every now and then.

Category 3

a lot of my friends compare me to this character, Tomoko. (well mostly my boyfriend but everyone else who knows abt her and knows abt me agrees with the comparison) I've never watched the show she's in (or read the manga) but here's what I know about her. She's a socially inept dipshit, excessively horny, and just wants more friends. I'm also a socially inept dipshit, I may or may not be that second thing, and I also want more friends. I also am the same archetype as this girl, like... appearance-wise, so that is another reason for the comparison.

another friend compared me to this character I fucking know nothing abt the game she's from besides that it's bad

this is Toko Fukawa. I looked into it and she literally just seems to be me if I was created by an edgy 14 y/o. Big into mlm shit, has two sides to her personality (well it's a split personality bc the writer is an edgy 14 y/o mentally) one being chaotic and unpredictable and the other being more introverted and extremely cynical, and she has an obsessive crush on some guy. She's also a writer much like me? I was terrified when I read this because my friend was completely right to make that comparison.

Anyway I'm throwing in another horse related character here. Everyone who made this comparison was like 12-14 years old and they're not me they're other people so fuck you.

A lot of people compared me to fucking Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. It's solely due to me being really high energy sometimes. Not much more to it, but it's worth mentioning bc so many ppl said it.

And I guess I could mention Violet from the Incredibles here, too, as a surprising amount of people compared me to her because I kind of look like her.

Here's a weird one

one of my friends said that I remind him a lot of this character, Annie from the show Community? He said I was like her but not a drug addict. Idk anything abt this show. Buuut if you do and you saw this post maybe you can use what I've said abt myself her to put it together?

Since we're on the topic of sitcom characters, here's one my sister loves to compare me to:

Pheobe Buffay from Friends. I think me and her both just have a similar manner to us and it doesn't go much deeper than that. idk tho maybe it does.

#bojack horseman #marianne von edmund #fire emblem three houses #three houses #fe3h #fe3h marianne #fire emblem #pheobe buffay #friends #annie edison #community #annie community #tomoko kuroki #watamote #tomoko #toko fukawa #genocide jack #daganronpa #kin list #characters #relating to characters #fictional characters #kinning #bleh #shoot me #auhshjdkngm #cancer #my little pony #pinkie pie #my little pony friendship is magic

[amateurlogs]

howdy folks!

here's my review on the entire Bridgerton universe.

now 'lettuce' rate them!

starting off low...Season 1

season one by far is my least favorite one. the fake dating trope (which i believe this season was a play on) was not my cup of tea. by the end of the season i did not feel that they were truly in love LOVE with each other. with everything that they went through, especially with the baby, it feels like simon doesn't really love daphne. but then again simon does and still gives me the closed off vibes, even if he's totally obsessed with you.

i also wanted to talk about THAT scene with the couple. watching it in real time was so shocking?? a part of me sees where daphne was coming from when she found out that he COULD have children, but he DOES NOT want them. but still the most rational thing to do in that situation is talk about it before you force him to have one.

from that point on i looked at her differently. that's probably why i still don't like their relationship.

with that being said, i didn’t completely hate the season. it was a nice and pretty solid one. the other characters were nice and really made me enjoy the show. the music also??? i love the tie in of modern day music into that beethoven type feel.

that's all i have to say about it though😭.

now on to the BEST so far...Season 2

i’m still blushing at kanthony, like they are just perfect! enemies to lovers will forever be THAT trope (when done correctly).

going into it i knew that they would end up together, but it was still unsettling to watch anthony and edwina together. however, seeing him try to woo kate for her blessing and in the process fall in love with her was just so good (hope that made sense lol).

and the bee scene omg. like the amount of concern in his face??? like he was loosing someone he loved all over again. it was amazing.

nothing felt rushed. everything rolled smoothly. i have zero complaints about their relationship.

the only off thing with this season is how much we saw the featherington’s. now don’t get me wrong, i am a penelope stan (even after discovering her secrets) but i do not care about the rest. like the stuff with the fake jewelry was so unserious. however, the whole jewelry situation did bring collin and p closer so maybe it was for a good cause. (idk was she’s sees in him but ill support a woman and her hobbies)

that's all my thoughts that i can think of for now. (i could literally talk about them for hours)

idk what to say for this one...Queen Charlotte

the king and queen were CLOSE in beating kathony in my opinion. i am not a huge fan of the arranged marriage trope no matter the circumstances, so that's what deterred me.

beside that you could see how much they genuinely loved each other.

when watching bridgerton i always thought that the queen was tired of the king. like she didn't want to deal with him. but after watching QC, you can tell that she actually cares for him. she just hates that there's nothing she could do to relive him of his burdens.

between him forcing himself to "be better" for her, and her trying to comfort and console him, it was all too much. i can't tell you how many times i cried while watching.

now for my critiques!

lady danbury… like the scenes with her and her husband were sooo unnecessary and uncomfortable. like one? i could understand because of the parallel between the time when they did it, to when she did it with lord bridgerton. but the second and third time was just too much.

other then THAT the rest of the series was good. i mean the dance number with if i ain’t got you solidified it imo.

❥ that’s all i have to say (for now). overall it’s a amazing series and i can’t wait to watch more of it. if they were to make another spin off, then i agree with everyone that violet and edmund should be next! idk what happens in the books, but for them i imagine love at first sight.

❥ rating: 3.5 trees out of 5. there is always room for improvement, but again it’s a pretty solid romance. i highly recommend! and if you didn't know it's on netflix if you want to watch.

❥ also sorry if this review is all over the place. i literally can not organize my thoughts. until next time!

xoxo, amlog

[codenamebooks]

My 2022 Book Ranking

For about three years now, I rank the books that I read throughout the year as I read them. For the most part, it's based on general vibes and a quick comparison in my head. There's not much to it: no official system with specific details that I look for. Star ratings have a bit to do with it, but if I didn't give it a high rating, it's not going to be high up in the ranking anyway. Here are my 2022 rankings, from lowest to highest, out of the 18 books I read with one liner explanations (a little late, I know):

18. The Hare With Amber Eyes by Edmund de Waal | Goodreads | 1.5 stars

I read this for class, didn't finish it, but didn't like the pacing of it anyway.

17. Clash of Civilization Over an Elevator in Piazza Vittorio by Amara Lakhous | Goodreads | 2.5 stars

Also read this for class, but did finish and didn't hate it because it was more entertaining than I expected.

16. Stand-Off (Winger #2) by Andrew Smith | Goodreads | 3 stars

This is a great book for teenage boys who need t unlearn toxic masculinity early.

15. City of Heavenly Fire (The Mortal Instruments #6) by Cassandra Clare | Goodreads | 4 star

The last book in the series and it actually wrapped up the circumstances very well.

14. Passing by Nella Larsen | Goodreads | 3 stars

I read this for class and it was such an interesting concept, but it wasn't always super engaging.

13. Down Among the Sticks and Bones (Wayward Children #2) by Seanan McGuire | Goodreads | 3 stars

Star rating mostly because of how long I took to read it, but Jack is one of my favorite characters ever.

12. Finding Audrey by Sophie Kinsella | Goodreads | 3.5 stars

A really interesting story about mental health, heavy but constantly remaining lighthearted and funny.

11. Shadow and Bone (Shadow and Bone #1) by Leigh Bardugo | Goodreads | 3.8 stars

I feel like I've heard a lot of negative reviews about this book/series but I enjoyed this as an introduction to the world.

10. Beneath the Sugar Sky (Wayward Children #3) by Seanan McGuire | Goodreads | 4 stars

This one was extremely fun and expanded the world of this series so much more.

9. We'll Always Have Summer (Summer #3) by Jenny Han | Goodreads | 3.75 stars

My least favorite of the trilogy but I read it all in one setting so it was definitely an interesting plot... Albeit a little absurd.

8. The City We Became (Great Cities #1) by N. K. Jemisen | Goodreads | 3.75 stars

Takes a lot of concentration to understand what's going on, but an amazing and intricate concept.

7. People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry | Goodreads | 4.5 stars

My first proper romance (in a long time) and it was so funny although I didn't love Poppy as a main character (but she had great growth)

6. The Summer I Turned Pretty (Summer #1) by Jenny Han (reread) | Goodreads | 4.5 stars

Reread this to finally finish the trilogy and it was so much fun to relive all of the emotions of this rollercoaster love triangle.

5. It's Not Summer Without You (Summer #2) by Jenny Han | Goodreads | 5 stars

This second book literally had me screaming, crying, gasping, angry, happy, little everything every other second.

4. Salvage the Bones by Jesmyn Ward | Goodreads | 5 stars

Read this for class and it is by far the best book I've read for academic purposes.

3. Heir of Fire (Throne of Glass #3) by Sarah J. Maas | Goodreads | 5 stars

This book made me scared to go on with the series but also so desperate to get to it immediately.

2. The Assassin's Blade (Throne of Glass #3.5) by Sarah J. Maas | Goodreads | 5 stars

Had a friend say this was her favorite in the entire series and I completely see why, the stories were so intriguing.

Crown of Midnight (Throne of Glass #2) by Sarah J. Maas | Goodreads | 5 stars

Whew, did this book constantly have me in shambles almost entirely because of Dorian.

#my 2022 reads #the hare with the amber eyes #edmund de waal #clash of civilizations over an elevator in piazza vittorio #amara lakhous #stand-off #andrew smith #winger duology #city of heavenly fire #cassandra clare #the mortal instruments series #passing #nella larsen #down among the sticks and bones #seanan mcguire #wayward children #finding audrey #sophie kinsella #shadow and bone #leigh bardugo #the shadow and bone trilogy #beneath the sugar sky #we'll always have summer #jenny han #summer trilogy #the city we became #n. k. jemisin #great cities #people we meet on vacation #emily henry