#because it means he won't have to realize and process that he's worthy of love

[yanlei-a]

Would Zed blush if someone called him their heartlight? After the incident with shen, does he have the ability to romance/fall in love again?

— anon

answering the second question first: could he fall in love again?

i think so, i just don't think it'd ever be easy. even before he left the kinkou, i don't think romance would have been necessarily easy if only because he had so many issues related to his self-worth resulting from literally everything he lived before. in my long ass post about yevnai, i mentioned i don't think he was in love with her, but rather infatuated with the idea someone was interested in him like that — with shen it's different, because there's so much genuine affection and gratitude and devotion involved, and even then i do think he'd have hesitated to see himself as worthy of having his affections retributed, at least for a considerable amount of the time they had together.

at some point he did manage to overcome those feelings, and that's definitely not the case anymore, he doesn't see himself as lesser, but there are so many other complications. from the moment he decided not only to leave the kinkou, but really when he decides to go back for the tears of shadows, zed knows he's damning himself to a path of no return he can't really expect anyone to be willing to walk with him — and to which he doesn't want the person he has the most love for to share (which is why he goes to such lengths to ensure shen won't follow him to the darkness).

the constant about him from that point on is that he is willing to do increasingly terrible things for his ideals and to protect ionia. he embraced his villain role, believing it is ultimately necessary. that, however, also means keeping most people at arm's length. there are too many who'd reject him for what he is, and even among those who wouldn't, zed is definitely not trusting or easily approachable. the man chose to close himself off, and i think it'd be a very slow and difficult process to get him to open up to anyone. even among his own order, i don't see him being generally open or in any way very affectionate, even with platonic relationships (and i do think his pupils are the exception, there, because of the role he has in their lives and the fact he's trying to be better to them than his own master was to him but anyway that's beside the point). the point is anyone interested would have to deal with the fact he's not changing his ways, he is going to continue doing horrible things and playing his role as the villain, he will actively try to keep them at a safe distance before they have his affection. he won't even believe there's someone who genuinely cares about him like that and there's nothing more involved in that, that it isn't an attempt at manipulation or to exploit vulnerability.

and, well, when it comes to shen, he really doesn't expect shen to be a part of his life like that (or in any positive way, really), after the comic events. that was his last, desperate attempt at getting shen to realize the truth without breaking his word, and even before that they've been apart (and enemies) for many years. he clearly holds shen in high regard and always will. shen will never not be important to him. but that doesn't necessarily implicate romantic feelings always.

so is it impossible? not really. but it'd take patience and time and dedication, and even in a scenario where there are feelings from both sides, zed might still be unwilling to act on them if he thinks the association with him would make the other person suffer in any way. it'd still take patience because he cares so much and he's capable of so much love but receiving it is something else entirely. he doesn't really know how to deal with that. there are so many old wounds left by the people he was close to before. and it'd have to be someone he trusts entirely and that is, before being a lover, a friend.

anyway if anyone is willing to go through all the obstacles and love him flawed and broken as he is, then, sure, romance is still possible. the pros are you'll have the most devoted partner. will kill for you. also die, possibly. but also be mindful of his single dad status and that his kids apparently aren't fond of the idea of their dad dating lmao

as to how he'd react to being called heartlight... i assume that'd demand a committed relationship, considering how the word is used in canon, so it'd have to be used by someone who he loves and who loves him after they're already together. regardless, it'd make him so very soft?? genuinely don't think he ever expected to be with someone like that. if he's not expecting it the first time, then maybe he'd be a little flustered, but for the most part i think he wouldn't be as much embarrassed as it'd make him melt completely. it's a very meaningful and loving word, and one he would consider himself the antithesis of (to be the light in someone's heart? ironic, when he made shadow his business). but whoever got to the point would have shown they see something good in him already, and he wouldn't be as unwilling to acknowledge that with them, so. but yeah it's not a word he would use lightly, so it'd be very meaningful to him. it'd make him a little emotional.

#» out of character — ⌜main sup irl.⌟ #» character study — ⌜the shadows have enlightened me.⌟ #sorry anon i wrote you a book #but yeah i just think that what i wanted to highlight is #i know the shadow dad is hot and we're all thirsty for him #but he isn't quite. relationship material unless the other person is willing to put up with the bad you know? #he is capable of great cruelty and violence despite how caring he is #prime 'terrible to everyone else and only soft with the person he loves' material though!

[dark-frosted-heart]

2nd Anniversary Event - More Love with the Beast - Clavis (premium ending)

This is in Clavis' POV.

Keith makes an appearance. Clavis, you're hidden yandere(?) is showing.

Since the day they got engaged, there was something Clavis had been meaning to tell MC.

The fun is in doing something different the next day. Living a peaceful life day by day without any growth is boring.

All he wanted for her was to have fun in life. As her fiancé and future husband, it was his duty to make sure that she could laugh all her troubles away. He didn't hate how she tries hard to be a worthy fiancée, but her efforts were useless if they don't relate to what she wanted to actually do. Clavis told MC that she didn't need to be the perfect fiancée that she believed she has to be. He didn't care about that. He just wanted her to enjoy herself as well. MC had taken those words to heart and eventually found what she wanted to do. Her sighs turned into smiles.

~~fast forward to now~~

Clavis is looking over some proposals that MC had given him. They're sensible, but not quite good enough so he'll be returning them to her. Annoyed, she takes them back with a renewed determination. Seeing her fired up's making Clavis want to smile naturally. He just adored that frustrated look of hers.

It wasn't too long ago when MC had decided to make Lelouch Kingdom the "Land of Books and Pleasure". She had immediately set out to study. And now she's reached her first obstacle in creating policies to increase the literacy rate. He's already reviewed and returned proposals many times, but each time, they're getting better. MC has a lot of potential and if they keep going at the rate, Clavis is sure that the two will make a name for themselves around the world.

Cyril reminds MC that she should be at the book store now. Realizing that she should be, she asks Clavis if they can do this again tomorrow. The man's got all the time in the world for her. She should know that. She thanks him and heads off to the book store. Oh no, she forgot to kiss him goodbye. MC's become busier than usual now with what she's doing at the bookstore.

As soon as she leaves, Clavis lets out a sigh. Tomorrow, he won't let her forget the goodbye kiss. Cyril doesn't know what he's talking about, but the words sound kind of harsh. And then asks why he doesn't help MC with her proposals. Clavis says that what MC needs right now is failure. It's easy to spoil her, and if he helped, the proposal would've been completed already. But she'd never learn from that. MC's doing what she does because she wants to and enjoys the process. So it'd be better to stay back and watch her grow than to interfere. He doesn't think it's love to always pamper each other, even if they are engaged. Love is the actually the opposite.

Cyril apologizes for being naive. Clavis doesn't blame him since he's a "natural good-natured knight". Cyril would appreciate it if Clavis would stop calling him that. Ignoring Cyril's complaint, Clavis gets up. He can't lose to MC. He's got his duties too.

Cut to the refugee shelter. Keith is there, visiting to discuss redirecting refugees from Jade to Lelouch Kingdom. He tells Clavis that he ran into MC beforehand. She had asked him for advice related to policies. Oop. Someone's jealous. Cyril elbows him but his expression doesn't change.

Keith hadn't expected MC to be actively involved in politics, but it looks like she's enjoying herself as she thinks about her country. He could follow her example. He pauses at Clavis' hardened look and apologizes for offending him in any way. Clavis reassures him and then asks if MC really did ask him for advice. Keith answers that she did. He remembers that MC and Clavis are engaged. Keith congratulates him and then apologizes again for talking to MC so casually. But Clavis shouldn't worry since to MC, Keith is but a weed like all the others that grow in the area [me: Muku is that you]. Clavis says that weeds are an overstatement. Keith is more like a tree. Keith doubts he has as much presence as a tree.

Clavis thinks to himself that he doesn't care what MC thinks of Keith. But why is she consulting Keith and not him? He doesn't remember her ever asking him for advice. He would love for MC to consult him and tell him how reliable he is.

Clavis thanks Keith and says that when he gets home, he's going to hold a consultation with MC. Cyril reminds Clavis of what he said earlier about spoiling her. He'd rather take back what he said than have her go to another man for advice.

That night, he asks MC if she needs any help or advice and she shakes her head. He tells her that he heard from Keith that she went to him for advice. In response, she says that since she got advice from Keith, he should know that she doesn't need help at the moment. Clavis is frustrated and slowly makes his way to the bed. MC questions him and he asks her to wait and allow him to wallow in shame for a moment. He knows it's important not to pamper MC too much, but it's a different story when Clavis comes off as unapproachable. They may appear like boss and subordinate when it comes to politics, but he's not a good fiancé if she can't come to him in times of trouble.

Clavis continues to sit deep in thought and MC hugs his head to her chest. MC's sudden sweet side surprises him and he stops breathing for a moment. She doesn't know what's going on with him but asks him to cheer up. He asks if she'll listen to him. She will. As she stroke his hair he tells her that he wants her to be able to rely on him. He's her fiancé after all, so she should be able to come to him with anything. MC stops her movements. Clavis assures that he won't interfere with her work and will keep his assistance to the bare minimum, but she come to him for advice at any time.

MC was frozen for a second but then breaks out into a wide smile. She explains to Clavis that she felt bad for taking up his time since he's been so busy. Clavis tells her that any time spent with her is always his greatest pleasure and hobby. He reminds her of what he said that morning, about always having time for her. So come to him first before other men. Clavis had forgotten that it was more important to be the one she could come to during times of need rather than not coddling her.

MC warns him that she'll be asking for advice a lot. Doesn't matter to him, it's her privilege as his fiancée. MC's shy smile wipes the gloominess away. But realizing the position they're in, Clavis can't help but think she's asking for trouble. He places a kiss on her chest and MC lets go of him immediately. But he holds her close by the waist and kisses her. MC asks him to wait since she was in the middle of working on a proposal. MC's priorities...Guess that's another thing he'll need to fix. An evil idea suddenly pops in his head.

He tells MC that he's sulking. Not only did she seek advice from someone else first, she's also prioritizing the proposal over him. He's not going to let her go until he's in a good mood again. MC laughs at and says it's easy to put him in a good mood. Clavis wasn't aware that MC thought he was that easy. Slipping out of his arms, she sits beside him and pats her lap. Clavis is in trouble. He can't give in to the lap pillow that MC's offering. But he's not going to let her just leave it at a lap pillow.

Epilogue tidbits

#ikepri #ikepri jp #ikemen prince #ikepri summary #ikepri spoilers

[psychewritesbs]

hi again!! wishing you a really good week, and thanking the stars for having sent you my last ask; thank you so much for your reply!!! got so excited reading it, your words, taking your time to reply me, it really means the world to me..!!

"there's meaning in everything but if only we choose to create it in the face of the existential dread that is the chaos of the human experience" ohmmmfff!!!

loved that you got so Jungian with your reply, really into it and always curious about it!

"Gege has created a character that is a container for exploring ourselves creatively" yes!!!! not only Megumi got me thinking about the consequences of undermining myself, but also the implications of not asking for help, risking everything to save someone else, and asking myself who is worthy of being saved. even if doing everything you can to save someone you love is very admirable, i think Megumi creates this *illusion* to himself that he has the power to both save and decide who should be saved, and i can relate to that. at the same time, he doesn't seem to deem himself worthy of saving, disregarding his own life many times... i've been wondering for some time now: if for Megumi there are the good people, who should be saved no matter what it costs, and the bad people, who shouldn't be saved, while he himself doesn't seem to value his own life/finds it hard to ask for help... then which one of these, "bad" or "good", is he (to himself)? what does Megumi think he is worthy of, what does he think he deserves in his life?

"I wasn't scared to face what I saw in myself". i think this is a really really powerful process in our lives that Megumi's character can bring to surface - by us being open to it.

and i can see him going through *the tip* of this process, specifically after his first killing in the culling games, when he asks himself "what am i doing?".

"You made me realize I want to see him believe in himself again. When Megumi believes in himself, literal magic happens. (...) I cannot wait to see Megumi wreck Sukuna from the inside." holy sh*t yeah!!!!

i'm trying hard to trust Gege in showing us more about Megumi as he "re-negotiates this new philosophy about himself." cause i think, if not before, now this process is even more inevitable.

"I personally love how Gege has gone out of his way to show how immature Megumi is compared to other characters who share the same trope." yes!!!! that's a huge part of why i am so invested in Megumi. with the first glimpses of his philosophy about the world and himself, in the very beginning of the manga, i thought "damn you'll really have to reconfigure all of this and it. will. be. painful. and i'm here to see you deeply change your way of thinking - growing. bc it will be for the best, and it is inevitable".

i LOVED the list you made about the aspects you want to see Megumi grow in. really good!!!!

"I want to see him get pissed off, like really pissed off and fed up with his fate, and I want to see how that changes him and what he makes of it." shit. this is IT!!!

"And then maybe perhaps come to realize, once again, that he can't manipulate others because they too have a free will of their own." this is really hard, coming to terms with our limitations in regards to our own power... can be tough. it is tough. but once we realize it, it also starts to work the other way around: we too have a free will of our own, that's why we can say "fuck this fate", i'll make the best of it with what i can do, and i won't have to be alone through it.

"I may be projecting here but... Megumi's manipulative tendencies and the way he relates to others, it feels like it comes from a place in which his inner-child has not learned that it does not need to do anything to fulfill his need to be loved. Megumi is beloved, and its a real tragedy that he hasn't figured that out about himself." i... i actually cried hard reading this, thank you so much for your reply, jt really means the world to me, all of it, thank you so much for reading my ask and taking your time, your words and analysis are really powerful and much needed!!! this was a blessing to read, thank you thank you 🙌🙌🙌 !

ps: have you seen/read Monster? yesterday i cried watching this really good scene where the main character - who i think shares a lot of personality traits with Megumi, despite the huge differences - is told by an old man about how he lost the blessing of being close to this forest's birds after killing someone there. a bird lands in the main character's arm and the old man gets really emotional, and promises the bird that there won't ever be blood spilled in the forest again. Monster deals a lot with themes like saving/killing people too... xxx!

hola hola ♥️!

aaaaaah, te escribo en español por que sé que de una manera u otra me entiendes aunque sea un poco. Que linda! Obrigado por tus comentarios tan bonitos 🥺. Me da gusto saber que mis palabras tuvieron algún impacto en ti.

Ok back to English because even though Portuguese is very similar to Spanish I don't want to confuse you more lol.

My reply to you under the cut...

i think Megumi creates this *illusion* to himself that he has the power to both save and decide who should be saved, and i can relate to that. at the same time, he doesn't seem to deem himself worthy of saving, disregarding his own life many times

oh I love this observation about Megumi *thinking* he has the power to save others. It's like trying to grasp at air or water truly.

Also, the fact that Megumi does not look after himself is one of the most tragic things about him.

which one of these, "bad" or "good", is he (to himself)? what does Megumi think he is worthy of, what does he think he deserves in his life?

I'd say he doesn't think he's worthy of anything good?

This is why I love Megumi--as a character he's a great example of a clinical application of Psychology. A kid who is abandoned is likely to grow up with a very similar mindset as Megumi.

and i can see him going through *the tip* of this process, specifically after his first killing in the culling games, when he asks himself "what am i doing?".

Megumi is an interesting character to me because he, literally and figuratively, represents the Jungian shadow. Basically, his character is a repository for everything we don't like and deny about ourselves.

A theme that has been consistent in Megumi's character is the dichotomy between good and evil and how he rejects both aspects in himself.

Also, not sure if you've noticed how people only see Megumi's actions during the Culling Game as "self-preservation". To me, this is trying to justify his actions with logic because fandom can't fathom Megumi is anything other than a good person.

Truly, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

So I love what you've said here because it shows Megumi growing from coming to terms with the extremes within him and acknowledging what he did wasn't exactly good or bad.

i actually cried hard reading this

ah! totally did not mean to make you cry, my bad. But yeah... very relatable, isn't it?

The wound at the core of existence...

thank you so much for reading my ask and taking your time, your words and analysis are really powerful and much needed!!! this was a blessing to read, thank you thank you 🙌🙌🙌 !

🫣 you're so kind and I too am grateful for your kind words to me. Thank you for reading my nerderies. I am grateful to know anyone ever finds them powerful and much needed. Makes me want to continue writing. I like the idea of being able to help others have moments of insight about their own nature through my words.

Kind of interesting how I am a Jungian author... just about anime and manga loooool.

ps: have you seen/read Monster?

I have not! I think ma 🍒 has? I gotta ask her because she keeps mentioning an old manga that she loves and finds very impactful. Might add it to my ever growing, never ending queue of manga to read.

OBRIGADO again for all the kind words and for reaching out! Hope to continue hearing from you 🙏🏼.

#ask the mental gymnastics anime girl

[theggning]

Hello!

While I never hated Godot you made me like him more!

If you don't mind what is your favorite thing about Godot

I'm so happy to hear that, anon. He's a good boy and if I have made anybody like him more then my dorky efforts have paid off. >:3

In general, I really like how hard they go with making him complex. Nothing about Godot is ever black and white. He's simultaneously noble and twisted, incredibly cool and incredibly lame, deeply tragic and deeply funny (is there another AA character who's so off-the-rails weird and laugh-out-loud funny while also being so intensely sad?)

But my favorite of those contrasts is that no matter how hard he pretends or how wrecked he is as a person, there is still good in him. He has a moral code leftover from his former self that he won't betray, no matter how bad he gets. As misguided and intensely mean as he is to Phoenix, he won't cheat in court and he won't get an innocent person sent to jail even to "stick it" to him (Godot literally just stops arguing his case once it's apparent they have the wrong person.) The coffee moment with Pearl and his interactions with Maya in 3-5 are indications that he still has a good heart under all the bluster. (Someone on my other post's notes described this as "he still has love to give" and that phrasing has stuck me in the brain like a splinter. It's haunting me.)

(3-5 spoilers beyond this point.)

Even his worst actions aren't straightforward. Godot takes somebody's life, but it's incredibly hard to call it a "murder." He was inarguably saving Maya's life in the process. The victim isn't straightforward either- he killed Misty Fey, but he also stopped Dahlia in the act of murdering Maya. And yes, as he admits, he did have a hand in setting up the circumstances around it, but so did Misty, and it's just UGGGH. SO TWISTY. And then he calls himself out for it! He recognizes his own failings and admits he was wrong! There's enough good left in him to realize how far he's fallen and how warped his actions have been. He ends the game on a note of cathartic acceptance and relief, and his ambiguous fate means we can freely think about where he might go and what he might do next. What kind of relationships he might have with other characters once he takes off the proverbial mask and lets them know the real Diego. EVEN MORE complexity on top of the delicious ice cream sundae of "I'm going to be thinking about this character forever" (ugh, that's a Godot-worthy dumb metaphor.)

If Godot was another heartless pure evil antagonist like Manfred von Karma or Matt Engarde, he wouldn't be nearly as interesting. If he had actually lost every shred of the good man he used to be, if there was no hope of redeeming him, or if he ever truly sank to the level of committing evil acts, I wouldn't care about him nearly as much. Godot is great because he's not a villain, he's an antagonist, one specifically designed as a foil/dark mirror to Phoenix, which is the kind of deep storytelling meta shit I absolutely eat up.

Also, he's hot. Hottest prosecutor in the series. Fight me, I'm right.

#gg answers #ace attorney #ace attorney meta #godot #ace attorney spoilers #t&t spoilers #pure evil antagonists are often really boring #gimme a little ambiguous spice on that bad boy #i wanna cry about him as much as i wanna kick his ass for being a drama queen

[treadmilltreats]

Stuck on, stupid

This is a blog that I wrote a few years ago, but lately, I think I need to repost it because it seems many need it, especially while we are coming into the holiday season.

I've been hearing this issue a lot lately from a bunch of my readers and from my girlfriends that we all seem to be stuck on stupid.

What I mean by that is we have been hurt, used, and abused. We have been an afterthought, we have been ghosted, cheated on, lied to and yet when a good man comes along we can't see him for what he's worth because we're still stuck on stupid.

Even though in our heads, we know what stupid looks like, and we know what stupid sounds like. We remember what stupid did, and even if we are learning to realize our value, for some reason, our hearts do not see any of that.

Our heart keeps telling us how much we miss them, how things remind us of them, how maybe there might be another chance...

Why did this happen? It was so great. It's almost like there's two people in your body, the one person with the brain telling you…

"Are you joking? Do you not remember what this man did to you? Remember how many times you cried because of him? Remember all the warning signs? Don't you know that he's going to hurt you yet again because he's proven that to you, over and over? "

And then there's this other person living in la-la land saying "Oh he might have changed...oh, but don't you remember how wonderful it was? Remember when he told you this or that... Like when he said you're beautiful or he wanted to spend 50 years with you. Remember all the times you laid in bed and talked for hours or all the good times you shared together?"

And you think, yes... it wasn't all bad, there were many good times. Reality check! There were way more bad than good. Otherwise, you'd still be together!

Let me ask you, how many of us have men who are willing to step up? Who does the right thing? Who says the right things, who will text you every morning just to say good morning or good night and sweet dreams?

Men who are willing to step up, yet we are still stuck on stupid.

Too many, as I have been finding out lately...way too many, yet we still do this.

I know I have not been alone on this stupid train, and I still wonder why we do this? Why do we keep thinking of them, why when we run into them, it's like a punch in the gut. It's like all the air is sucked out of you, and you're standing there gasping even when your head is saying run. Your heart won't let you.

When you think you're good, when you've thought you've moved on, when your heart is starting to heal and BAM! Here he is, yet again ripping that newly healed scab off.

Yes, we have heard it all from friends and family. He's no good, move on, you deserve better, he's an asshole. Yes, we know all of that, and believe us, we've cried too many tears for that man and lost too many nights to sleep over him. This is nothing new...we know... we get it.

But here we are just trying to tell our hearts this, to recognize this fact.

It is a day by day process. We need to dig deep and try to figure out why we think it's okay to keep being treated like this.

Maybe it's the fact that we are being rejected, and we are trying to get them at all costs. Maybe we have issues, like I did. Issues of trying to win love like I've always done, starting with my grandma, to my best friend, to my ex-husband. These patterns that I've kept repeating in my life until I went back to therapy.

Maybe it's low self-esteem, you don't think you're worthy or no one else will come and so you settle. Whatever the reason is, we need to address them, and we need to fix it because being stuck on stupid is not an option anymore.

I've realized I did not stay in a loveless, abusive marriage for 24 years to be treated badly yet again, now that I am free. I am human, I am learning and growing each and every day, and I realize my worth and what I want from my next relationship.

I want it all, I expect it all...why? Because I give my all, that's why and I expect the same in return. So this time, I will not settle. No matter what my heart is saying, I am going to be Judge Judy and just overrule that shit!

So today, my friends, to all my queens out there. Remember, we are all learning and growing together. It's okay if we slip and fall sometimes, as long as we pick ourselves up and know what we have to continue to strive for and I'm here to tell you it's surely not being stuck on stupid!

"Be the change you want to see”

@TreadmillTreats

#self help #love #mental health #self improvement #advice

[multidimensionalish]

Divine Feminine in False womb timeline~~💫

Women in the divine union field, a man you're with shouldn't ever cause you constant feelings of insecurity or loneliness, even if you think it's shadow work and may be useful.

There is a difference between growth and circulating energies of toxic waste inside of your heart ~ womb this is generating a false womb sensation where you are living in an overlay reality unable to cultivate the right amount of power to fuel your vision because you are not operating from the organic womb of creation, your channel is being used for lower desires or to fill holes in the energy bodies of an unholy man through your sex.

In Chinese medicine there is a channel of energy connecting the womb directly to the heart, it is connected to the Uterus through the Uterus Vessel and it has huge influence of mental-emotional problems affecting the Heart on the Uterus.

Check your wombs energy hygiene, are you having recurring infections? Uti? Etc.Something in the sexual circuit of your union may be out of balance.

The Uterus is related to the Kidneys via the Uterus Channel and the kidneys process all the feminine waters and fears, they even take on the fears of a man if he is afraid of the feminine energy in any way so if a woman is living in constant state of insecurity /doubt in her man OR FROM her man, it can create big energetic Blockages leading to stagnation and toxicity in her subtle energy channels as well as her emotional bodies building up conglomerates of toxins on multiple dimensions.

Women have a sacred and powerful creative womb essence that is naturally supposed to generate and fuel the emotional unit of her partner /family.

If however he is unable to fully allow the feminine nature to guide and lead and he partakes in her essence without utilizing it properly for their Ascension through interdependence based Provision and nurturing for the union to ANCHOR at each new LEVEL then he will be binding up her Shakti unknowingly and she won't have access to her own manifestation.

He can be blocking her from her own internal creative force. SHE powers THE UNIT through her cosmic umbilicus connection to the great womb.

A man with unconscious insecurity around the feminine will not realize he is siphoning life essence directly from her womb and continue cause her to think and feel that she is simply not giving /sacrificing enough to see the desired return on her energetic investments.

So she will chase him or coddle him, sacrifice her body mind and soul for him and go to hell and back for him still in frantic worry about how he is doing and if she is doing well enough because she can sense his deep wounding and insecurity, though this will mean she's likely suffering from energetic womb blocking from other sources and her field is fractured or torn from prior trauma around trust in the Masculine as a whole. This is a huge indication that she has fractured off and rejected a party of herself in the energy of self sacrifice to appease the ideal image of what she believes is right, good, sexy, or worthy.

To heal the tear in her wombs energy field she must reconnect to the cosmic womb and reclaim her power through calling back her tied up lower karmic commitments and recommit her self to her divine source and to the high masculine essence. She just receive the anointing of God/Goddess essence and offer the vibration of trust through surrendering to appreciation and pulling the pure light frequency of absolute love into her being to resurrect her original pranic womb power. ✨

I have been through this process and had to rewire my entire womb circuitry due to karmic entanglements.

Dm me for full womb resurrection activation session if you are ready and need to heal.

Xoxo Isha ET

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

Day 200009765456 of thinking about The Boys™ adopting Alric: Alric coming quietly into their bedroom at night when he thinks they’re all asleep. Vrox is the only one awake and starts SHITTING himself because he KNOWS the little creep murdered his cult family in their sleep. So he’s just lying there for like. too long on edge and sweating. Then Jesse wakes up and asks Alric what’s wrong.

“Can I have a glass of water?”

“Sure.”

And Jesse gets up to get him a glass of water and Vrox finally relaxes with a crick in his neck.

#I think Alric would be very calculated about his new family #and he would inconvinience them as much as possible #to see if their patience would break and they would hurt him #like he's more than old enough and tall enough to get his own glass of water #he's still half-hoping at the start that they will break #because it means he won't have to realize and process that he's worthy of love #and that love isn't what he was taught #and then after that it's half because he's a little shit #and he needs practical acts of love to make them prove they do love him #to remind him #he doesn't have empathy and he doesn't really feel love #but he does understand taking care of each other in practical ways #poor Vrox #walking in on him deadeyed and eating a raw steak in the middle of the night #with blood everywhere #taking care of a dead demonic child is. complicated??? #also Alric would switch to his native German when speaking to Vrox just to frustrate him #they get along like a house on fire #X'D #my OCs #Alric #Vrox #Jesse

[syubub]

What makes BTS most vulnerable

Woo! A reading! I wanted to do this bc its been on my list for a little while now!

I just got off work and wanted to do this asap! Pls forgive mistakes! I'm not gonna proof read bc im lazy.

Cheeky disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken as fact! This is my interpretation of the cards!!

So so so so

First off, I did each member and also one for the group! I didn't have a specific plan in mind when I started, so I just went with the flow!

Let's start with the group first

So. The 5 of pentacles is what makes them most vulnerable. This card talks about isolation, feeling lost, anxiety, not having money or influence. Most of all, a mindset of lack.

All of this to me makes me think that what makes them most vulnerable is the fear of being right back where they started. Feeling exiled from the industry, not having the funds to be sure of a stable future and also not having a strong sense of identity as a group and within the group. It's like their vulnerability comes from something almost like ptsd? Let me try to make that make more sense. I genuinely think that where they started and the uncertainty and constant ridicule really had an impact on them. The vulnerability they have as a group is essentially emotional distress? Like, I wish I had better words to explain. It's the fear that they haven't actually grown or gotten anywhere and that they are insignificant that is their vulnerability. Fear based on where they started?

I really hope that made sense. Moving on though, 7 of swords is how it manifests for them. This card is sneaky. It talks about getting away with something and betrayal but I think this meaning is the most relevant: strategic moves. So how their vulnerability manifests is that the fear that they have causes them (and the company) to make very specific moves to keep their fears from happening. It's like, they take steps to make sure their fears don't get realized. Career wise but also personally. They can sometimes force growth because they fear stagnation. Kinda like rolling something uphill? Once it loses momentum it starts rolling back down.

The other two cards, Wellness and busy times and multitasking, are what they can do to lessen that vulnerability. Keeping healthy in mind body and spirit (also keeping the group bond healthy too) as well as channeling their emotions and fears into productivity. (Think the ly:tear album)

Seokjin

This is really intresting. So, what makes him most vulnerable is repressed emotion that causes inner turmoil. The moon is all about your insides and the vastness it has. In its reverse it talks about the darker parts of your subconscious. So, him bottling shit up and repressing it becomes a monster that affects him without him even necessarily knowing.

As for how that manifest in his life, it literally affects his judgment. Like, literally. It messes with his decision making.

As a fellow human with a similar problem, I can almost bet that any issue he has with another member will be shoved away and it will fester until he's at his breaking point and he'll absolutely weaponize it but disguise it as "just poking fun" or he might also purposefully create low level chaos. It's really intresting because this could manifest in so many ways. It could be his insecurities, issues with other people, fears ect and they fester in his brain space fucking with his judgment.

What he can do to lessen this vulnerability is deep emotional healing. Istg these cards are too perfect to make up. He needs to do THE WORK and heal it. He probably recognizes this and is working on it. Its not fair to himself to put himself aside in order to put other people first. (I think this probably happened a lot in the early bts days bc he had to be an older brother and a responsible figure to 6 other kids so he prioritized group harmony over his own issues and emotions)

Yoongi

????

Um, okay. So what makes yoongi most vulnerable is the dark side of wealth. That's the 10 of pentacles rev. But it gets interesting bc the 10 of swords isn't what makes him vulnerable but it also isn't how it manifests?? So here's my theory time. What makes him most vulnerable is the dark side of wealth. I can only assume that it's the isolation and internal conflict of benefiting off of a system that fucked you over in the first half of your life and also feeling bad for having wealth that most people can never imagine? I really don't know? But with the 10 of swords talking about betrayal and deep wounds, it could be that he's extremely afraid of being taken advantage of? Like, that's another downside of wealth. Maybe people have tried to use him for money or influence? Especially in his personal life. Like, he probably finds it extremely hard to get close to people because he's afraid of betrayal over something that is already hard for him to deal with?

Also loss. He wasn't born rich. He worked his ass off to get what he has and he's probably afraid to lose it. He might "stash" money?

Anyway, knight of swords, how it manifests. This card is about a drive to succeed. So essentially this makes him run and push himself hard and harder and harder to out run what he sees as an inevitable end? Sometimes this can blind him.

As for what he can do to lessen this vulnerability, we have, self confidence through God confidence. This card to me talks about having faith in your actions and skills and trusting in yourself even if you doubt your ability. Essentially, yoongi just needs to trust in himself to land on his feet no matter what happens. Life is always uncertain so he needs to trust that he can weather any storm he might face.

Hoseok

This was one gave me some thoughts. So, similar to jin, it's the bottling shit up and having you subconscious mind eventually figure shit out because it's been neglected but with the 2 of swords in reverse, talking about confusion and being indecisive, I think this kinda causes him to shut down? He might get apathetic. It's almost like when you work a computer so hard that it crashes.

And how this manifests for him with the 3 of pentacles in reverse is that he gets thrown out of alignment with the group. Kinda like how you shouldn't drive on a flat tire. He withdraws and becomes hard to reach and puts up a wall that causes a lot of problems for him as well as those he is around. It's a defense mechanism. It can also manifest in him preferring to work alone as well instead of group settings.

This exposes him to depression and doubt.

Also similar to jin, for how to lessen this vulnerability we have Bless your heart with talks about reaching out (breaking down that wall) and healing your heart and healing the root issue.

Namjoon

Okay. This is the one that makes so much sense but also confuses me.

So. What makes him most vulnerable is the magician rev and 10 of cups. Unrealized potential and poor planning as well as love, harmony and alignment.

So.... what? How does love and the happiest happiness make him vulnerable?

Well, I think he's suspicious of it. I think that he can't help but wonder in his big big big brain if THIS is the right happy or if its really happiness at all? Almost like commitment issues but also not? It's like, he's afraid that it won't last? He might have trouble fully allowing himself happiness. Also, what makes him the most vulnerable is love. It opens up every bit of his soul and puts it on a laundry line for everyone to see and I don't think he thinks he's worthy enough to be seen like that?

As for how it manifests in his life, 9 of cups, personal fulfillment and a strive to have everything else in hislife sorted out? Essentially wanting to have a perfect foundation so eventually he can share with all the important people in his life.

As for what he can do. Value your self worth. pretty straight up. He needs to value himself more. He deserve love and he deserves to feel seen even if it's uncomfortable at first.

Jimin

Oki. What makes jimin most vulnerable is choice. The 7 of cups talks about focusing on what's best for you and making choices based not on illusion. I think jimin is plagued by unrealistic expectations and confronting the fact that it's not possible is what makes him most vulnerable. He makes choices that are driven by illusion. Usually about self. I think specifically about how he doesn't always see how good he already is so he pushes himself to chase after something that isn't always right for him or even there in the first place. Acknowledging and facing it brings vulnerability that he doesn't always want to face. I think he might equate vulnerability to powerlessness.

How it manifests. 9 of wands rev. Paranoia and being defensive. It's his own fear and insecurities manifesting outside of himself.

As for what he can do, passion and purpose and multifaceted. Focus on what is close to his heart and don't get side tracked. Theres so much more to this situation and there isn't an easy fix. There's a lot of things that need working on in order for him to feel comfortable.

Taehyung

Oki oki oki. What makes Tae most vulnerable is strength rev. Raw emotion. He doesn't always express his emotions and when he chooses to be more open, his emotions go through a bit of a filter. Showing his unfiltered emotions makes him most vulnerable because it's him as he is. In his truest form. It's all of his wants, joys, fears. Everything.

As for how it manifests, 10 of wands and Hanged man, it becomes a burden that he carries because he feels like he can't just be honest. He pauses and allows himself time to feel on his own but that means possibly being misunderstood and a bit isolated.

Now. What can he do to lessen it? Bless your heart and healthy communication in relationships. TALKING TO PEOPLE AND ALLOWING HIMSELF THAT VULNERABILITY. It's not bad to be vulnerable. Heal that shit bb bc you are worth it.

Jungkook

So, what makes him most vulnerable? The world in rev. Not having closure and seeking it. The process of seeking closure for himself about things that could have or putting to rest something that has come full circle. It brings vulnerability because he has to face things that he could have done better. He has to face things coming to a close and be okay with is.

How it manifests, the tower, ace of cups, 5 of cups reversed.

The tower is essentially everything crumbling down. I think jk thinks too much? If you follow a ball of yarn all the way to the end then you just unraveled a whole ass ball of yarn.

Him going to close those things cause him to unravel his foundation.

With the ace of cups, creativity and love/ new emotions, I think him taking the time to pursue personal closure helps him to be more open to love as well as giving him creative fuel.

The 5 of cups rev. Means that him doing this closure thing helps him to forgive himself bc he's taking time to move on and tie up loose ends?

For jk this closure thing manifests in every aspect of his like and I almost see it as him shedding? Sounds weird but he's consciously moving on and paying attention to what he needs?

As for what he can do? Deep emotional healing! He runs the risk of feeling more of the tower manifestation so he needs to keep himself emotionally healthy in order for this to be productive instead of destructive!

~~~~~~~

I hope y'all like this! I feel like the cards didn't always follow what I was kinda going for with my questions but it all works out in the end I guess?

My next reading will be up later this week (I've already done it and taken all of my notes. I just have to type it all out) so look foward to that as well!

#bts tarot #bts readings #bts reactions #bts imagines #seokjin #jin #suga #yoongi #min yoongi #Hoseok #jhope #bts jhope #namjoon #rm #bts rm #bts jimin #jimin #park jimin #taehyung #bts v #jungkook #jk #jeon jungguk #hoseok #bts

[jobesimming]

"This is..." Issue 33 September

Issue 33: Naura Ayad

Transcript Below:

Blood for the crown?

Page two | Written by: Willam B. Walker

FROM BEST SIBLINGS TO RIVALS? With the recent pass of "Richard Van Parks III" sent Parks Press Company into a spiral. The company has to find a new President, as "Elijah Van Parks" has been upgraded to "CEO". The Parks family most seen children, Ethan Parks and Elisabeth McCollum are in immediate competition for the position. Word on the street, Elisabeth is predicted to become President of Parks Press Company, which is odd-- only because she's technically not a "Parks". Despite being the firstborn of an established family. It doesn't give her enough power to take over the company. Yet, The “Royal” Parks has made it blatantly clears she’s entitled to being an heir because she’s Rosemary’s firstborn. Many believe only males can inherit the company. We all know how cutthroat Ms. Elisabeth McCollum can be… As for Ethan Parks? There’s not much of a resmè; we only know him for being a pretty face. Mr. Elijah Van Parks would honestly be foolish to make him the new face of the company. Elisabeth went to school for business and marketing— she even ran her own newspaper company before she sold it. But for some odd reason, Ethan is entitled to this position because of his father?? He’s not even the second born. We need to be asking the question,” Who’s more worthy and deserving of such a position.” Although, we won't find out until next month's Press Day. Who knows, maybe we’ll have our first mixed-race woman to run Parks Press Company. Find out in next month’s magazine!

Is Cassie Vanessa Racist or ignorant?

Page Three | Written by: Jada Lee

I know fashion designers are known for being creative and being out of the box. But this is clear ignorance! I’m sure Cassie Vanessa isn’t racist considering most of her models are black — But that doesn’t mean anything. Which leaves the question “Is Cassie Vanessa Racist or Ignorant?”. I for one think she wants to be black. I mean, why else would she even wear box braids? Box braids are a protective style that black people wear to protect their curly and kinky hair. And Cassie’s hair is obviously straight. It's even more ironic because her best friend “Adrienne Lauren-Darling” has a Biracial daughter who wears braids. Maybe Cassie assumed she could get away with this because of her friends. When will people stop allowing people to profit or even steal others' culture? This is unacceptable. We need to do better!

Page five | Written by Carrington Willams

A Voice for her Community

"When I first started I was seven actually. Belle suggested that I start posting random videos of us being silly and whatnot. Then something changed when I got older. I wanted to talk more about stuff within my community. As many already know. my parents are immigrants. Not only that but I grew up in an extremely toxic household because of the things my parents went through. I talked a lot about those things and I didn't realize until a year ago when my parents I didn't realize until a year ago when my parents had divorced-- I had become a face and voice of my community. I thought that shit was so cool. Like I'm really out here representing my people! It's funny how I was such a huge impact on my community. I took two years off after giving birth to Silas and I assumed I was going to lose everything I had worked for. I didn't others would've been happy about it. I took the divorce and my pregnancy to see the problem was my father. I mean he treated my father so horrible!

Motherhood at a young age

"I want it to go on the record, I don't condone teen pregnancy. But in my case, I wasn't even aware of being pregnant. We were on vacation and a few weeks later....here came Silas Johnson. I thought about giving him up for adoption, because hello; I was a kid giving birth to a kid! I was so freaking scared during that whole process. Porsha and Belle were there for me the whole time. Whereas my father just made me feel like I was nothing. This is why I call Silas my "Hope" because I honestly thought about killing myself, but Silas saved my life. When we came back home, I moved out and began Silas' US Citizen Paperwork. I even started working on myself, I wanted to be a better person for my son. Being a mother is so fun! I would always stay up watching 'Kid Toons' with Silas. In a way, he's made me more human and cautious. And yes, Brayton and I getting married-- Not now though. And THIS IS... NAURA AYAD!! Thank you for reading my voice or thoughts??"

15 Simtube Video Ideas

Page six | Written by: Naura Ayad

A few video ideas for new Simtuber who want to grow fast! Here I made a list of the most popular topics and trends. I promise these videos will instantly blow up your channel. Love you guys!

Day in my life

"Becoming THAT sim"

ANY type of College or High school content

Rant Videos

Back to school videos

Reading your...

Makeover videos

VLOGS

VLOGMAS

Shopping Hauls

How much money I spend in a....

Song Covers

Advice videos

Q&A

Holiday Preparations

#this #sim 4 story #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 simblr

[harry-sussex]

You're lovely, and I enjoy seeing your blog on my dashboard. I'm sorry this has been such a difficult thing to process. It's always really difficult to rework an image of someone you once thought you knew. However I'd like to just put it out there - sometimes (I think the large majority of the time) news is presented in the most sensationalist way, such that nowadays I make a point of de-sensationalizing any news I read in my head. In the case of the whole Harry's memoir thing- I can sympathize with Harry as a person possibly just wanting to take back some control of the narrative for himself. Not just in the most recent events with family (that I tend to think are less horrifying than the fandom/Twitter sussex squad discusses it anyway), but in all aspects of his life. I do not at all think he's going to put his family on blast. I can easily imagine Meghan reigning that dialogue in; she has the tendency to think before she speaks that he seems to lack. And he loves his family. Similar to The Interview promos, I imagine the publishing house knew to increase the interest by implying it to be a tell all memoir. I think he's just done a lot of growing up that he didn't know he had to do over a short period of time, esp re: implicit bias/racism in the setting of media's blatant attack on someone he loves, and is disappointed by the institution's and his family's response to it. I think he's emerged a more introspective and aware human, albeit a disillusioned one. Yes it breaks my heart to think that Meghan won't get a break from the tabloids any time soon. If I were him I'd counsel him to write it & sit on it for a few yrs. But I don't want to give the media the power to destroy Meghan in my mind, and I pray she & Harry won't either. I think she'll be okay. She's a strong one, and I think he's able to draw that same link for himself and be thoughtful about what he does. No one likes being misunderstood/misinterpreted, and I wouldn't be surprised if Harry's especially triggered by that given his history with the press. Maybe this idea emerged from therapy, idk. I can empathize with that, even if I wouldn't do it myself. I hope and pray Meghan gets the support she needs from him and her loved ones in the meantime. I'm honestly not going to read it. I think the less attention I give the BRF the better off they are, unless they're doing something immoral/illegal (see: Woking pizza alibi). And I think at the end of the day, people will unfairly judge other people, especially public figures that have tragic pasts and are publically fighting with the media. A lot of it is going to be noise and I'm not going to give my energy into figuring it out. I like to think I've got a good sense of who they are as people - flawed but ultimately well meaning and earnest. I'm a huge admirer of Meghan and think Harry got really lucky with this one and I'm proud of him for choosing her in more ways than one. I believe Harry and Meghan are lovely people, and I 100% believe their interview. I believe that there are people in the palace with a lot of unchecked power who deliberately uncovered her and Archie from BRF protection for reasons of believed superiority over Meg & Arch. And they're figuring out how to deal with that as a couple and a family. And it's none of my business past that imo. I pray for them and hope it'll eventually end in peace for them all. Just wanted to add another perspective, and hopefully some levity. xx M

Hi, dear. First thing’s first, I really appreciate that this is off anon lol. I love it when people own their opinions, and it says a lot that you did. So thank you for that.

Second of all, I really appreciate the nuance and perspective that is in this message. I agree that the news is sensationalist, and my initial reaction was based off of that. I did watch the promotional clips of the interview and I believe it did sour my expectations going into it when I watched it nearly a week after it aired. I did my best to stay away from Tumblr because I didn’t want that to hinder my view, but it was impossible to separate the promotions that presented the information one way from what it actually was, and thank you for bringing that up with respect to the memoir because I hadn’t considered it. I will say that my knee jerk reaction is pretty on par with the way I still feel about it 24 hours later, especially since I got the news directly, not from Tumblr or Twitter or anywhere else, but you’re right that it could have soured my view from the very start.

I appreciate that he wants to take back some of the narrative but I think that ship has sailed, tbh. He did that with the interview and now I just think it feels like information overload. At some point, people are going to get tired of hearing the wealthy, privileged, powerful Prince complain about his life while more than 4 million people have died due to a global pandemic in less than 2 years. Not to say that he doesn’t struggle - in the words of Roxane Gay, there is no oppression Olympics (and that can be extended to struggle Olympics) - but people view it that way and will get tired of it, if they haven’t already.

I also agree that Harry’s past with the press has tarnished the way he has handled the media and the public post-exit, when he’s finally in a position to strike back without being somewhat obliged to them as part of the circumstances of his birth. I understand and sympathize with him but I just don’t think the public does, and the public matters much, much more than the perspective of one single American fan, to whom he’s never been obliged, and I simply do not think the public will afford him that same understanding, sympathy, and leniency. The public and the media are critical to his humanitarian work - his mother never realized that towards the end of her life, and I truly don’t think she would have been the martyr/saint she is perceived to be now if she had lived, because she did not know how to meet the media in the middle and eventually that started to piss people off. He’s starting to piss people off now and if it doesn’t bother him personally (which it definitely does), I don’t want it to affect his causes. The Invictus Games, Sentebale, Walking with the Wounded, WellChild, Mayhew, Smartworks, Archewell, etc. deserve better than to suffer the wrath of the media and an apathetic public because their patrons simply will not shut up lol.

I guess my point is that they will be unfairly judged (regardless, but especially due to the way they’re handling things), and I think it would suit them better in the long run if they adopted a different strategy. I really sympathize with the fact that he feels frustrated with the narrative that has been manufactured but I really, really think the narrative will only get worse and worse as he continues to go on and on about how badly his life sucks, basically. Again, I don’t deny that he struggles - we all do, some more than others, especially when there are mental health issues - but the public, to me, simply does not care. My own therapist has told me to simply stop caring about the things that I discuss with him. Not to say that they’re not relevant, important, or worthy of discussion - they absolutely are - but his point is that you cannot change people and you are wasting your energy and struggling yourself because you want to change them so, so, so badly that you’re neglecting your own self care in the process. I hate that I do it to myself and I also hate that he appears to be doing it to himself. I’m sure a lot of this conversation has been brought up in his own therapy, and I’m no professional, but I’m doing my best to heed the advice of my own therapist - which is the opposite of what Harry is doing - and it’s done wonders for me, when I actually can do it.

If there’s anything I know from this whole thing, it’s that Harry is absolutely punching above his weight, love him as I may, and that he adores, adores, adores his wife. He has chosen her from the very second she came into his life and I couldn’t want anything more for him or from her. I’m not going to lie, I would have been in this thing for any wife that Harry chose, because I was here long before Meghan specifically came into his life. However, I am glad every day that he chose her, that he loves her, that he wants to protect her, that she loves him back, that he lives the life with her that he’s wanted as long as I (and I’m sure he) can remember. I love her because he loves her, and I would have no matter what, because at the end of the day, it’s his happiness and comfort that matters to me, that has mattered to me since I discovered him and how wonderful he can be more than 7 years ago. What more could I ask of Meghan? What more, as his fan to the end (annoy me as he may), could I want for him? Who could say anything about her in that regard? If there’s anything that has come of this mess, to me, it’s that Harry loves, loves, loves his wife. I will always be happy for him and I will always be proud of him for choosing her, even if I don’t always agree with the way he goes about it.

I’m looking forward to peace, too. I cannot wait for things to just die out, for them to work things out as a couple and as a family, and for everyone to move on. The family will still do their thing and the Sussexes can do theirs, but I cannot deal with this back and forth, tit for tat, petty nonsense anymore. They’re wonderful and flawed, like the rest of them (except Andrew), and I just hope that they can all come to some kind of agreement or terms that lets this die down. It’s exhausting for everyone - themselves included. If I’m this tired, I can only imagine how tired they all are.

Thanks for stopping by, and sorry for the essay (essays, these past 24 hours lol). I really appreciate your kindness in this message, your presence in my notifications (I do see them!), your nuanced perspective and like I said before, I really, really appreciate that you own it!

#Ask #possibilitiesofsainthood #Prince harry #duke of sussex #meghan markle #duchess of sussex #phmemoir

[vickyvicarious]

that Zuko and Iroh gifset is giving me feels. when Zuko says 'you don't have to say it' – how much is that for Iroh, and how much for himself? because if Iroh says it Zuko won't be able to bring himself to disagree, and what does that say about him? does it make him a bad son? even more of a failure? (later he'll realise it says more about Ozai than anything)

(This gifset.)

So there are multiple levels of pain here - first of all, what you’re saying, yes. But there’s also the replacement factor. Zuko doesn’t want to be Iroh’s son, because that’s Lu Ten; he doesn’t want to just be the stand-in for someone (who he really looked up to from what we can see) who has died. He wants to be loved for himself, even if he can’t admit it, and the so phrasing of this especially hurts: “ever since my son died... I think of you as my own.” At the same time, he knows it hurts Iroh to think of his real son and he doesn’t want Iroh to have to say it, yet it’s an open expression of love of the sort he’s longed to hear for years. The sentiment Iroh expresses here both feels a little bit fake and all too real at the same time. 

(I do genuinely believe there was a replacement element to their relationship at first. Just because it grew beyond that doesn’t mean Iroh never looked at Zuko and saw Lu Ten.)

Also, being Iroh’s son is so much better than being Ozai’s son. It shouldn’t be. The only reason it seems better is because Zuko is a failure and Iroh is much more tolerating of failure. If Zuko were just worthy of it, he’d get Ozai’s love too. Even now he has to be getting his love - these harsh lessons are necessary, after all. Ozai can’t just sit around and hold his hand like Iroh does, he’s too busy and important. Just like Zuko shoves away a lot of Iroh’s attempts to get him to slow down or relax (he can’t stop that would be like giving up, giving in, if he stopped he’d have to feel the full weight of everything that’s wrong), he tends to downplay Iroh’s wisdom and kindness as foolishness, at least in S1. (S2 as well, but less so.) He’s angry and scared and lashes out ALL. THE. TIME. Iroh’s ability to come back constantly, to accept and support him so kindly, is probably terrifying as much as it is comforting. It makes him want still more kindness - but that’s weak, it’s a line of thought inherently traitorous to his father, so he has to reject it.

And then of course, the other element in this scene: the aftermath of the attempted assassination. Zuko is currently presumed dead, ‘killed’ by a man Ozai seems to trust and give all the power that should have rightfully been his own. He is in enemy territory twice over, the impenetrable Northern Water Tribe and Zhao both all too willing to dispose of him. It would be doubly easy, and his own vague plan involves somehow finding the Avatar and bringing him back home before he can be doublecrossed again. He has no support left but Iroh; every (albeit meager) resource or authority he had in exile is gone. If capturing the Avatar was always a desperate plan, this is far further than even that because, as we see in the show, even if he gets him he has nowhere to go. It’s all but hopeless and they both know it... but Iroh, and Iroh alone, has stuck with him through it all. In this moment more than ever before Zuko probably wishes it were true, that he really was Iroh’s son.

And on Iroh’s end, it’s not much better. He thought Zuko died. Not for long, but more than long enough for him to fully realize how much Zuko means to him. And he can’t bear not to support him, can’t be the one to take away the only shred of hope Zuko has left, but he knows that this attempt will never succeed. That even if it miraculously did, he would have to free Aang eventually, for the good of the world - and betray Zuko in the process. He’s concerned about Zhao’s plan, of course, but with Zuko in this moment all he can see is that he is probably willingly allowing Zuko to go to his death. It would be all too easy in this situation for him to never see Zuko again - but holding him back would destroy him as well, so all he can do is trust in him, hope he succeeds just enough to keep going but still fails in the end. But he can’t hold back, at least, telling him that he loves him. He’s always kept at least a pretense of a slight distance, has always let Zuko have that, but in this moment he just can’t anymore.

Anyway it’s a very emotional scene for me.

#atla #zuko #uncle iroh #atla meta #my meta #anonymous #replies #Anonymous

[ohemgeeitscoley]

The love lasts so long (1/1)

Fandom: Star Wars

Pairing: Rey/Ben Solo (Reylo)

Note: Written for the Reylo/Folklore Drabble Collection. I am in love with all of the songs on Folklore and have been super inspired to write by the album. I’m super happy I got to be a part of this collaboration and I can’t wait to see what everyone else puts together.

@andyouweremine​ is hands down one of the best betas and friends in the world. Thanks for jumping in and adding all of the commas for me. You’re the best and I love you a lot. 

Read below or on AO3

"You're home late," Rey mutters softly as she feels the bed shift under Ben's weight. She’s not quite awake; she couldn't open her eyes fully if she tried. 

"I know," Ben pulls her into his arms, pressing a kiss against the slope of her neck. "I tried to leave, I really did. There's just so much to do, and that promotion… Rey if I can get that promotion it'll be so good for us—”

Rey shakes her head, slowly moving away from Ben so she can sit up, glance at the clock, and look down at him. There's tears burning in her eyes and her stomach is in knots. 

She's angry. 

She's so, so angry.

"It's almost 3 am, Ben. You haven't been home before midnight in months. It's like living with a ghost." Rey bites down on her lower lip. "I don't want to hear about your job or a promotion. It's just another reminder that you'll somehow need to be there more than you already are and I'll just be here alone waiting for you."

Ben looks hurt for a moment. But then Rey watches as he controls his face, and then his face is the calm and cool mask that he used to never put on around her.

"I'm doing this for us," Ben says. There's no emotion or passion in his voice. It's the same voice she hears in the mornings before he goes to work when he’s practicing his arguments in the bathroom. It's calm and precise and meant for a courtroom. "For our future. I know I have been gone more than usual, but I hardly think it's fair to compare me to a ghost. Once I get the promotion things are going to be different, I'll be home more. We can really start planning the wedding—"

Rey snorts, getting out of bed. "Stop, Ben, just stop," Rey begs, wiping her hands against her face to push away the tears that have started falling. "That's what you said before you got promoted to senior associate. This is what I've been hearing for the last eighteen months. And you know what? Nothing has changed. Nothing is better. And I can't keep doing this."

Ben's face cracks, and Rey can see for a moment just how scared he is by what she's saying. He scrambles to get out of the bed, reaching his hand out to touch her. Rey steps out of his reach, shaking her head as she wraps her arms around her stomach. 

"What are you saying, Rey?" Ben asks, and his voice sounds defeated.  

"I don't, I don't know," Rey admits, staring at the ground. "It's late. I'm going to go sleep in the guest room. You should go to bed. You have court in the morning."

Rey waits just a moment for Ben to stop her, to pull her back into bed and his arms like he used to do when they fought, but Ben remains still on the bed. So she walks out of the room, closes the door and goes to the other room without pause.

A part of her still believes that Ben will come get her, that she'll wake up with him beside her at least. 

But she wakes up alone at 6:45 am and Ben is already gone. 

***

Rey finds Ben sitting on his favorite bench in the park down the street from their home. It's early. The sun is just starting to paint the sky as it begins to rise. 

They still haven't talked about the fight from the week before. If anything, Ben had been coming home even later and leaving even earlier since then. Rey wasn't even positive he came home at all some nights.

She'd slept in the guest room every night since anyway.

Rey sits down next to him, holding her hand out for him to take. 

He doesn't. 

"I've thought about what you said," Ben says after a few minutes, circling his thumbs while he talks. "And I think you're right, this isn't working anymore."

For a second Rey is filled with hope, believing that Ben finally sees how toxic his job is and that he's finally, finally going to quit, but then-

"I can move out, obviously. It'll be easier for me to find a new place, and the firm has places for witnesses that we fly in that I can stay at for a while."

Rey's heart plummets as she panics. He's breaking up with her. That's not what she wants. It's not what she meant when she said she couldn't do this anymore.

She's going to be sick.

"Ben, stop," Rey stands up, pacing in front of him as she tries to process what he's saying. "I don't, I don't want this. I love you. I didn't mean I couldn't do this." She moves her index finger back and forth between them. "I meant your job. Your job is ruining us."

"I can't leave my job, Rey," he sighs, running his hand through his hair. "I have nothing without my job."

"You have me."

"No, I don't." Ben shrugs, as if he's stating a common truth and not the biggest lie that he's ever said to her. "You're miserable at home. I'm never there and you're right, that's not something that's going to get better. I can't balance our relationship and my job, and it's hurting you. It has been hurting you. I already lost you, Rey. This is just me admitting it. And setting you free."

"I'm standing right here Ben," Rey points out, placing her hands on his shoulders. "You haven't lost me. I'm right here."

"For now, maybe," Ben keeps his head down and pulls away from Rey's touch. "But you're not sleeping in our room anymore Rey. You pulled away from us too. You have been for months. I think this is what you want, you're just too scared to admit it."

"No," Rey gets out between gritted teeth. "You do not get to do this. You do not get to sit there and attempt to blame this on me. I am not the one doing this. If you do this Ben, if you walk away from us, that is on you. It is not on me."

"You're the one—" Ben starts but Rey is hardly listening, shaking her head.

"No. No, I am not," Rey interrupts him. "Snoke is doing this. And you just are in denial if you can't see that, Ben. He has you so convinced that I'm a distraction or that you are, what, unworthy of my love?"

Rey waits, but Ben says nothing. He keeps his eyes glued to the floor and that just further fuels Rey's anger. The acid in her throat burns as he remains silent.

"Well, here's a secret," Rey sighs, reaching out to grab Ben's hand. "I've been in love with you since I was seven years old, Ben Solo. And if you think I'm just going to stop loving you because you are being an idiot and because you have let some asshole get into your head and convince you that you aren't worthy of that and that I am holding you back… you're just wrong."

Tears start to escape Rey's eyes when Ben looks up at her. His eyes are full of disbelief and it kills a part of her. The idea that somehow he could even begin to doubt how she feels about him, how much she needs him, after all of these years hurts her more than anything.

"There is nothing, nothing you can do, Ben, to change how I feel about you," Rey squeezes Ben's hand. "I love you today. I loved you yesterday. I'll love you tomorrow. I loved you when we were ten playing pirates in your tree house. I loved you when we were thirteen and you wore braids in your hair and you liked to first practice new braids on me. I loved you when you were haunted by the emptiness and ghosts in your home when we were sixteen. Ben, I have loved you my entire life and I'm not just going to stop."

"Rey," Ben chokes out and Rey realizes that he is crying too. "I can't give you the life you deserve and the only way I can is to keep this job that you hate—"

"Stop," Rey breathes, kneeling down until she is eye level with Ben. "I hate your job, Ben. I hate what it does to you. I hate that you have somehow convinced yourself that leaving me is the best option. That you have it on your head that a world without you is somehow better for me is something I can't understand. And you are good enough. My love isn't something that you can deserve, it's something that I chose to give and you don't have any say in that anymore, Ben. I don't care about your job, or the money, or whatever material things you buy me. I care about you. All I want is you."

Ben says nothing again. Rey's leg is cramping from the way she is squatting. The morning dew is shining on the grass underneath the bench Ben is sitting on. 

"So leave me. Keep working for Snoke and being miserable and working too late and waiting for your big break when you finally get everything you want," Rey drops his hand. "But I won't be there, Ben. If that's what you want, if that's what will make you happy… a future without me. Then okay. I can live with that," Rey's voice breaks and she reaches up to wipe the tears off her cheeks. "I'll learn to live with that. But you don't have to. You can take my hand and our love can last. Ben, our love can last so long."

Rey swallows while Ben remains quiet. She waits for him to say something, to say anything. She waits, and she waits, and she waits. It feels like her heart is actually splitting in half the longer that she waits and the longer Ben remains silent.

Choking back a sob, Rey nods to herself since Ben hasn't looked up from the ground since he told her it was over. 

Over. Over. Over. Over.

Rey takes a step back, her vision blurring as new tears flood to the service. 

"Okay," she whispers, taking another step away from him. "I love you. I hope, I hope some part of you always knows that. And I'll wait for you. I can't—" Rey takes a deep breath, trying to keep her voice steady. "I can't promise that I'll wait forever? But when you decide that enough is enough and you leave Snoke, because you will, Ben. You will leave one day. If maybe then you still think of me…"

Rey's sentence trails off while she looks up at the morning sky. "Right," she whispers, mostly to herself. And she turns. She turns away from Ben and begins to walk away and each step is harder than last. 

She's halfway through the park when she hears someone run up behind her. Then she feels his hand grab into hers as he turns her around to face him. 

"I'll quit," he says quietly and his voice is raw. His face is red and blotchy and he's still crying when he pulls her into his arms. Rey doesn't fight him, she buries her head into his chest and sobs. "On Monday, first thing. I'll quit."

Rey nods, wrapping her arms around his neck and tries to pull him closer to her.

"I have no idea how to fix this, babe," Ben whispers, pressing a faint kiss into her hair, his arms squeezing her tightly. "I don't know where to start, I'm so scared that I can't. That it's too late. That I've ruined us—"

"We'll figure it out together," Rey promises, kissing his shirt just above his heart.

"You really still believe our love can last?"

"So long," Rey answers. "Our love will last so long."

#reylo #reylo fic #reylo fanfiction #reylo fanfic #reylofolklore #my fic

[janiedean]

A Twist: It's Brienne who says, "I've made my choice. What's yours?" She's come to trust him and she's coming to understand that he loves her as much as she loves him, or she wouldn't even ask - but that part of her that won't ever forget what it's like to feel not pretty enough, not good enough, still fears he'll choose his sister in the end. Jaime looks at her and then yells, "DAVOS!" Brienne gapes at him. "... Oh. OH. Right." Davos would like them both to focus on the ice zombies for now.

… you know what fuck it, this won’t ever going to be my best effort bc I’m riding out a cold and I’m still jetlagged but fuck that

also while I was writing this an anon said tormund would marry them and added

Forgot to add: when Tormund asks who stole who, they’re like huh? And then Brienne is like well if you mean me taking him to KL would that count? And then Tormund keeps asking all these questions and he’s like, it’s official. You’re effing married or whatever crap you call it. You stole each other many times. And he’s satisfied that Brienne stole Jaime and no one can convince him otherwise.

I already started this one but I thought I might add that too ;)

– 

The dead are still fucking coming.

Brienne feels like they’ve been cutting them down for years by now and they still keep on fucking coming, and by now it feels like most of them have retreated to the same place in the castle - Ser Davos is behind them, Pod is somewhere to her left, she’s seen Gendry and Tormund somewhere ahead, and by now she barely can feel her arm. She can see Jaime next to her and she’s thanking all the gods that he’s still on his feet and he hasn’t risked dying since she went and cut down that walker that was just above him and about to kill him, and he did the same for her just before, and -

They cut off two at the same time and he turns to her for a second -

“You know,” he says, his sword cutting another wight’s head, “I’m just -”, another wight falls down, “regretting I got here this late.”

“This late?” She shouts, lifting Oathkeeper to kill off the next couple coming.

“Well, I had plans,” Jaime says, “and before, uh, I was about to say I also came North for you, but somehow there wasn’t time, you know.”

For her? Brienne can barely process it, and that’s how a couple wights almost get to her, but she manages to cut them down in time.

“For me?” She shouts back.

He smiles at her for a moment, almost sad -

“I realized that if I had to die I wanted it to be in the arms of the woman I love,” he says, and then gets back to cutting down the next ice undead coming over and Brienne about wants to faint because what he just said -

What he just said -

He came here to die with her or because she was the one he wanted nearby when -

And because he has honor, of course he does, she knows he has -

She doesn’t know why she asks. She hasn’t slept for what feels like ages, she’s cutting down zombies mechanically by now, her muscles feels numb and the man she’s been in love with for years that she never thought would or could actually care for her as anything other than a friend just told her she’s the one he wants to die with and he knighted her and, and, and -

“Jaime!” She shouts, realizing that she hasn’t called him ser for the first time and honestly not caring because it feels good, “Jaime!”

“Yes?” He shouts as he turns to her, his sword held out to impale another wight.

She doesn’t know what is possessing her to ask, but suddenly she wants him to know that she does love him back, she does -

“Marry me?” She shouts, and a part of her expects a refusal, still expects a refusal even after he told her that because she knows she’s not the kind of woman people want to marry and usually women do not propose -

He meets her eyes, and his own are wide in shock, so bright green even in the darkness of the longest night they’ve ever seen in their entire lives -

“I don’t know if now is the best time!” He shouts back, a zombie impaling itself on his sword before he takes it back.

Well.

It wasn’t a no, at least, and that’s probably why she finds the guts to actually press.

“Now might be the only time, if we don’t win,” she says as Oathkeeper slices through a wight headed his way. Then she takes a breath, feeling the sweat running down her face, and right now she’s covered in blood and gore same as him and she doubts she’s more attractive than her usual, as in, none at all, but - “I love you,” she says, meaning it, wishing she had told him before, but this is what she has now and so she’ll make do with it, “and I’ve made my choice. What’s yours?”

For a moment, the wights seem to slow down, enough that they can look at each other, and he looks - floored, for lack of a better word, as if he can’t quite conceive she just asked, and suddenly she hates herself for doing it because he might have told her what he just had but who says that he’d want her like that, that he won’t think about his sister and decide that maybe he should go back to her, because surely Cersei Lannister would have never asked him such a thing while covered in undead flesh with her armor sticky with blood and fluids -

And then he smiles bright enough that for a moment she feels it brightens up the entire place even if it’s still dark and the undead are still coming -

“Davos!” He shouts, and wait, what, why is he calling for Davos -

Wait.

He’s -

He’s the hand of the King, or maybe one hand of the kind, and he’s the only one up here, and -

“What?” Davos shouts back, busy handling a few zombies himself.

“Marry us!” Jaime shouts back, and Davos looks down at them like they both lost their minds.

“Not that we hadn’t thought it would head there,” Davos shouts, “but are you aware we’re all a little busy at the moment?”

“Davos, now!” Jaime shouts again, sounding like the commander Brienne knows he is, and he’s grinning as his sword cuts through the umpteenth dead body -

“All right, all right! I think we don’t need to address the audience, even if I’m pretty sure everyone around here would have loved to witness the wedding, and in lack of cloaks we’ll pretend you just exchanged -”

Suddenly, Brienne sees it. As Jaime kills one of the wights and she offs another, she moves in front of him, takes his sword and thrusts Oathkeeper into his hands. For a moment, he looks like he’ll drop it, but then he lifts it up, still grinning -

“That’s good enough,” Davos nods. “So, we’re all standing in the sight of men and dead men to witness the union of man and wife. Will you two pledge your love already?”

Brienne had never thought she’d end up kissing Jaime Lannister first as they killed wights in the middle of a battle - he grabs her neck, standing up on his toes and pressing his lips to hers. “With this kiss I pledge my love,” he says, and then his sword cuts through yet another wight.

She does the same as another three are coming up to them, then grabs his neck and does the same. “With this kiss I pledge my love,” she says, exhilarated, and she can’t believe she got to say it -

Davos kills another wight himself. “Jaime Lannister, you take this woman for your lady wife?” He shouts.

“I do!”

“Fine, Brienne of Tarth, do you take this man for your lord husband?”

“I do!”

“Good, then you’re one heart, one flesh and one soul, now and forever, and if you want to kiss again no one is stopping you, but please do keep on killing those wights!”

Brienne snorts, handing Jaime his sword back and taking hers, and then -

“I am hers and she is mine, from this day until my last day,” he says, his back meeting with hers -

“I am his and he is mine, from this day until my last day,” she says, loud enough that he can hear, and then she kills another wight, wipes at her mouth and turns just to see that he’s going up on his feet again, their armors clanking together as his mouth meets hers again -

“Let’s see to not make this the last one, all right?” He winks at her, and she decides she’ll make her damned sure to try to make sure they both live.

–

“Jaime,” Tyrion wheezes not long later, as they celebrate around some good wine that somehow survived the entire battle, “I can’t believe you two actually married like that, shit, if only Father or Cersei could have seen it -”

Jaime wheezes back and Brienne is inordinately pleased to hear that this is his reaction to Tyrion implying his sister should have been there -

“Wait a moment,” Tormund says after taking a swig of beer, and he doesn’t look like he wants to argue, at least, “it’s not a proper marriage if neither of you has stolen the other.”

“… If any of us hasn’t done what,” Jaime blurts.

“Stealing the other! It’s a custom! It’s how you prove you’re worthy of the person you want!”

“… Do explain…?” Brienne asks tentatively, and a moment later Jon Snow shakes his head and stops Tormund before he can launch into what feels like a detailed explanation.

“It is a wildling custom,” he sighs, “basically if you want to marry a woman you have to sneak into her tent or house or whatever, overpower her and drag her out to your own tent or house. If she can fight you off you’re not worth her time, if she can’t fight you off she can accept your offer because you showed her you could do that and you’re not weaker than she is.”

“See, you did belong with us,” Tormund says fondly, ruffling the man’s hair, and Jon Snow actually smiles at that?

All right.

“So,” he says, turning back to the two of them, “did any of you steal the other?”

“Uhm,” Brienne says, “I, uh, brought him to King’s Landing? He was in chains for half of that trip, admittedly -”

“Hey, we did fight on the bridge and we were evenly matched!”

“Yes, but then I did drag you around after your hand was cut.”

“But I did come back for you in that bear pit,” he winks, and Brienne’s heart maybe grows a size or two as his hand finds hers, and he sounds so happy with himself as he says it -

“But I did stop you from drowning in that bath now, didn’t I?”

“Fine, you did tell me to fuck loyalty, I guess, but -”

“All right,” Tormund stops them, “all right, she stole you, Lannister.”

“She did what -”

“She obviously stole you and that’s obvious, and I can’t be in the way of that if she actually went and did it, so fine, you’re definitely married or whatever. Probably have been for a while. I’ll take my leave then, if the king is up for some more drinks.”

“I might,” Jon Snow smiles back, and then, “well, congratulations to the two of you!”

Then he disappears with Tormund back to the main table.

Tyrion is laughing so hard he’s crying and Davos is staring at them with a knowing look from the other end of the table and Pod is congratulating the both of them, and -

“You know what,” Jaime says, “we’re missing the bedding here, lady wife.”

“You know what, lord husband,” she grins back, “I think we should go to my room. And I could make Tormund definitely happier about upholding wildling customs.”

“Really,” he grins back. “How about that?”

Brienne had not ever imagined that her wedding night would start with her bringing her husband inside it after picking him up in a bridal carry, but as she does get out of the room while everyone cheers her on, Jaime first and foremost, she decides that she couldn’t have asked for a better wedding.

Not at all.

#jaime x brienne #my fic #HAVE A PSEUDO S8 FIXIT GUYS #;) #Anonymous #ask post #otp: i dreamed of you

[greekgeekgoddess]

Hiveswap Theory Time!

First I'd like to say I want to thank @whatpumpkin for giving me this wonderful start to an adventure with characters and story worthy of continuing the endless ride that Hussie started.

Now.

We all love Xefros right? You know Xefros the cute little cinnamon roll who stole our hearts. I mean how could you not??

But what if I told you he's more of a sinammon roll instead? What if we have a secret cinnamon roll and Xefros is playing us for chumps. What if Demmek isn't as bad as he seems? Think I'm lying? Take a look at this.

Now we all know about the troll zodiac signs. And we love them. But something sticks out to me. Look at Xefros' sign. Especially these passages I've underlined. Let's go through them and see what we find. :)

The title of Escapee is very interesting. It's usually focused on someone who is trying to escape judgement. It's what you call a criminal on the loose. But that doesn't really sound like our cute Xefros. Why and what would he be running from? Maybe the Heiress? But does she even know he exists? He's just a rust blood after all in her eyes.

But looking at the descriptions here we start to get some insight on how Xefros ticks.

Apparently he loves adventure. So much so he's obsessed. But we haven't seen much of that sort of behavior. Until a certain alien enters his world. Joey Claire. Xefros gets really excited after discovering she's not from Alternia. Which is cute and all but... what if he is excited for different reasons.

It states here that he will try to stir up trouble if he thinks it'll excite him. In part 1, we see him encouraging Joey to continue exploring Demmek's house. He even jumps at the chance to run over to her aid. And as we know he has a very unhealthy view of himself.

It also states here that they expect great things from people they have romantic feelings toward. Which might be good... if not for what is written here. Sorry JoeyxXefros shippers might want to rethink that relationship. Because this states if Joey doesn't meet Xefros expectations he will get angry and try to fix things. And if that doesn't work he may give up on Joey all together. Lucky for her right now he's hypnotized by her confidence. But we know Joey has her moments of fear and doubts. She also doesn't like violence. One day... she won't meet his standards. And I wonder what will happen then.

In fact we get a small glimpse of Xefros getting frustrated only once. When trying to motivate his Sloth custodian. He gets pretty heated. We don't know what he'd do really if it kept up. But eventually he was able to get past his guardian luckily before anything drastic could happen.

Anyways let's continue.

So Xefros also might not be as humble as he seems to be. He wants to fight. He wants to stir things up. One question is... how does he plan to do that. And we'll discuss that later. For now let's read this, Xefros wants control. And we can see this with how he keeps his home. It's scary clean...it's a little unsettling.

This also states he can be very controlling... hmmm. That is the most surprising yet. But I have a feeling there's more to this. I recall many people wondering why Xefros was so determined to stay with Demmek. Someone who from the conversation we have with him (Xefros' descriptions alone) is someone he NEEDS. But why does he NEED Demmek? Why is he so distraught when he realizes we aren't Demmek. Most believe it's because Demmek abuses Xefros... but I don't believe that's the case (evidence for that when we talk about Demmek later) Remember what was said about Xefros in a romantic relationship? The high expectations? Well who is his morail? Demmek. And remember how much Xefros was praising him and everything... what if Demmek didn't actually cause this? What if Xefros has an unhealthy obsession with Demmek and making him into what he wants him to be?

Which brings us to his Aspect. Rage...

Red flags people! It's the same aspect as Gamzee himself. Who I also recall was a loved goofball until the day he showed his other self. A darker self. One who likes to cause problems...

But Xefros hasn't done anything wrong I hear you claim. I respond with. "As far as we're aware. Or better yet... He hasn't had a chance yet."

This post claims that Xefros hates to lie...

But that doesn't mean he himself is unable to lie.

Joey is brand new to Alternia. She doesn't know anything. Except what Xefros has told her...

The perfect victim for the game Doc likes to play. And Xefros is someone he can use to make that happen. I'll explain more with Demmek so bare with me.

Ah Demmek. Poor misunderstood Demmek. We haven't even met him and he's already being dissed by the community. Now I won't say Demmek is an angel or anything. But he is far far from the abuser everyone seems to view him as. Look at his title for Pete sake! Cherished? Wow seems like the title for someone like say, the fandoms view of Xefros, someone who needs protection. But what if Xefros isn't the only one we should be protecting?? What if Demmek is an unsung victim here. After all we know nothing about him. All we know is he wants to save his planet and Xefros was "helping" him. And everything else is just Xefros praising how good a leader Demmek is. And I'm inclined to think that is the one partial truth Xefros tells us.

But enough of this, let's read about dear Demmek shall we. Is he the devil we think he is?

Warm and generous... interesting. We haven't seen any evidence of that. Oh wait! Yes we have! When Xefros is looking at the photos in his hive. He talks about how kind Demmek is. He gave him an entire pizza when they were supposed to celebrate Demmek's birthday. He gave Xefros some music equipment. And he and Xefros seem to hang out constantly. The only thing that's different is that Xefros' dialogue kindof makes it seem like Demmek is trying to surpress him, and shape him. But what if I said it was the opposite, and Xefros is hurting both of them. And he may not even know.

As we continue to read we get an image. A clingy person who craves assurance and security. And it seems he's found that with Xefros. It "seems" that way.

All these traits seem to fit what we know of Demmek. Except this bottom portion.

It says that he wouldn't be the type to struggle against authority... that's odd. Xefros said the opposite.

But from what we've read to this point it seems like Xefros may be the bigger driving force in their rebellion. What would you say if I told you. Xefros unknowingly guilted Demmek into playing this role of "Tetrarch". What if he claimed he just wanted to make his morail the best he could be? And for a while Demmek goes with it. He puts up this act around others that he is this stone cold, take no chances, leader. The hero that Xefros wants him to be. NEEDS him to be.

Don't you think it's odd that Demmek is SO focused on the band?? If he's trying to make a difference... why is he so focused on their band for the most part. He even uses their band name as his password. Also remember that poster of them in the butler uniforms. And how Xefros claimed that it felt out of place. Because Demmek claimed that them wearing the butler uniforms was a way of rebellion?? Xefros seemed confused at this, stating it may send the opposite message. And he's kindof right, and I think Demmek knew this. The band was never supposed to be a huge rebellion. It was supposed to be two Morails having fun. Demmek just wanted them to focus on their music. But why?? Because he has discovered Xefros' true motive in all this. Causing rebellion, ANY rebellion.

This passage also states that Demmek isn't in control of himself and how others see him. Who likes to take control? Apparently Xefros. And his Aspect can tell you why. Demmek isn't the one pulling the strings here... Xefros is. And for the most part he's convinced Demmek it was his idea.

His Aspect is blood. Much like a certain crabby troll we know and love. This states he's not one to take the role of leader. He's a supporter. But all the stuff we see in his hive and what Xefros tells us contradicts this. But shocker here folks... Xefros is an unreliable narrator.

I think he is the one who comes up with all the major things these two do for the rebellion. Demmek just plays the part. And Xefros plays the part he SO LOVES to play. The unworthy partner. The one who is luck to be there to catch the rays that fall from Demmek. He made Demmek who he is now. And that's why he doesn't want Demmek out of his sight. He wants Demmek to be everything he's claiming and he'll do practically anything to keep this rebellion going.

And I think Demmek knew this. He tried to fix things with the band. He may be trying to keep Xefros surpress to keep them safe. But then Xefros just "happens" to turn on the weapon they were working on. I'M TELLING YOU DOC SCRATCH IS BEHIND THIS! He just happened to misunderstand what Demmek was wanting him to do. Because he was afraid they weren't going anywhere the way they were. He wanted to get the adventure going and he got it. Notice how he seemed just as confused as Joey when they pass each other in the beams. I really wonder how Demmek is going to take being on earth. I also can't wait to see his interactions with Jude. :)

Demmek was trying to delay the inevitable. He realized too late what whoever is doing this was planning. A rebellion that never ends.

But Xefros found someone new to obsess over. And that's Joey.

The question is... what happens now for them both?

Doc Scratch is involved now. So my guess... this isn't going to be pleasant. No wonder he gave that chat application to Xefros. Xefros is Doc Scratch's new prodigee. And we should all be afraid.

The question is can Joey save Xefros from becoming like Gamzee?? Someone obsessed with what they believe is right and just. Or is that what the Rust Blood truely wants...

I believe Xefros is going to try to make Joey his new figure head. And I hope she survives that process and can knock some sense into him. Because this is not healthy. We all knew Demmek and Xefros' morailegence wasn't healthy. But I think it wasn't what everyone thought it was.

(Small update)

Now keep in mind I'm not saying Xefros is necessarily evil. Just in need of guidance and should be watched. He may be putting himself in danger and not realizing it. He may think he's not doing anything out of the ordinary. But we have to remember that Doc Scratch has his ways of molding people into who HE wants them to be not what they want to be. Doc Scratch might encourage Xefros into performing some questionable choices down the line with the promise to Xefros that his adventure will never end...

And Xefros may not even realize he's lying. He may truly believe every word.

#hiveswap xefros #hiveswap xefros tritoh #hiveswap theory #hiveswap spoilers #hiveswap #hiveswap theories #demmek #tetrarch dammek #hiveswap demmek #homestuck #homestuck 413 #hiveswap troll call #troll call #hiveswap friend sim

[withbrighthope]

[Every New Year’s Eve I write a letter to my past self, and share a (mostly spoiler-free) look back at the previous year. This tradition invites me to deliberately seek God’s perspective and healthfully process the highs and lows of each year. I write these letters just for me and my heart, and they usually stay in my journal. But this year, I felt a prompting to share.] // To the Sarah of New Year’s Eve 2019, I know you. I know you hold so many questions in your heart.

I’d like to tell you that a year later you have more answers, but that’s not really true. What is true is that a year later, you have more peace, more rest for your soul.

We always saw 2019 as the year we dug a lot of furrows, and 2020 has been the year of developing underground roots. We can’t see them, but we trust they’re growing beneath the surface.

This year has broken a lot of hustle off of you, in all of the right ways. You’ve become a great rester, Sarah.

You have taken risks this year that were uncomfortable. You surprised yourself along the way with how readily you leaped into the freefall.

/

One area of your heart God has worked on this year is recognizing that sometimes other people will leave your story, with or without reason, but this doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. We still don’t know or understand why, and maybe we never will. But you'll no longer need to know why to be okay. You will love those people and let them go. You will allow Jesus to carry all of the care you have for them you can’t act on anymore, and because Jesus is so faithful and good, He will keep it safe. Your heart won’t ever be wasted in Him. He’ll receive as an offering all the care you wish you could give to others. You will learn to hold godly hope for relational reconciliation in open hands.

Always remember: you are not anyone’s inability or indecision to love you.

/

This year will try your one healed heart in new ways. There will be days you wonder if you’ve misheard God, or missed your purpose. There will be days that expose such a strong feeling within you, that ‘either you’re valuable to God or you’re nothing.’

This tension will feel like a tug-of-war for a long time. And then, one day, you’ll realize it’s not only a belief in your head, but a conviction held deep within your heart; you’ll know that you know: you are valuable to God, and that’s enough. That’s everything.

/

In 2020, God will take you on a journey to realize one of the great gifts of being human is found in your feelings.

This is the year you’ll rediscover just how good it feels to laugh. You will laugh at such strange things. You will laugh at things that aren’t even objectively funny. It will catch you off-guard, but you’ll stay there in the moment and laugh until you cry, because it feels so good, and laughter is such a beautiful gift.

This is also the year the Lord will reveal most of the emotions you classify as “negative” are valuable in their own right. The Lord will ask you to sit with disappointment, so He can sit with you as Comforter, and for this reason you’ll realize disappointment, too, is a beautiful gift.

Next the Lord will show you all the times you’ve thought you controlled anger that you were really suppressing it. He’ll begin to reveal to you the mystery of holy rage. Anger is like gaining another color of emotion, and it’s going to add depth to the work God’s crafting in your life. It will even unlock the way to heal your back.

After 5.5 years of chronic back pain, you will go for a run without feeling it. You will hold tangible hope for your healing in your hands for the first time, and you’ll know that though you’re entering a journey, it won’t have to be an arduous one. That hope will make all the difference. (Would you believe me if I told you that sometimes when the sidewalk is wide open, you sprint just for fun? Freedom from pain will feel like freedom for your soul, and running will feel like flight. ((How good it feels to fly.)))

/

This year is going to test so many of your muscles. You will get stronger as you go, Sarah, but it will feel like muscle strain and failure in the process.

You will feel extremely isolated at times, and even alone. One night in July you’ll wake up crying and know instinctively it’s because you "haven’t been hugged in so long.” You will pray a desperate prayer and three weeks later God will answer it by sending a complete stranger to hug you – really hug you – in the middle of a pandemic. You will feel like God Himself is hugging you, and you will know you’ve been seen.

/

Spend a lot of time in nature this year, Little Heart. Get lost in the green. Climb ev’ry mountain. Stop and stare at the ocean every chance you get.

God will meet you.

This year, give and live from a generous heart. You will love the ways God uses the Body to support each other’s needs and wants this year. Being a part of it will bring you great meaning.

/

This year you won't hear God's voice a ton, but the end, you’ll wrestle your way into rest. You will trust you’ll know Him when He speaks. Until then, you will practice living on principle. Whenever you don’t have a rhema instruction, you’ll go back to foundational truths. You will further develop your personal Kingdom culture, and it will become so valuable to the way you live. Holy Spirit is here, too.

/

2020 will be a blessing to you in so many ways, Sarah. It won’t be easy, but its benefit will be great.

Live every moment. Stay present, even when you’d like for every aspect to look different than it does. When you feel lost or overwhelmed, quiet yourself and listen to your breath. You will find Him there. And this one day, this one moment you find yourself in is an incredible gift. This is where time touches eternity. This is where you encounter His presence, and He is everything.

He’s everything, and He’s worthy of it all.

Stay low. Stay honest. Stay in worship. Stay now. Stay in love. Stay.

You’re doing so well, Sarah. Jesus and I are so proud of you. With love, The Sarah You Are Becoming 12/31/20

#dear past self #new year's eve #2020 #reflection #perspective #look at your life #through heaven's eyes

[gmarytherese]

The only life worth living

Perhaps some lessons in life, we are meant to walk through them ourselves before we will actually learn and become convicted. Growing up in church and around God-fearing friends and adults, I was constantly told that choosing Christ will bring me greater fulfilment, joy and peace. For the largest part of my life, I trusted these words as words of truth. I'm not one to question unnecessarily, possibly cause of sloth, but in any case I never questioned it. I believed fully that it is only in pursuing what is of God that I will be satisfied.

Yet last year, everything for me came crashing down. Since 2012 after a relationship ended, I sought to focus fully on Christ and in seeking Him with all my heart. I held on closely to the belief that if I focus fully on Christ, He will clear my path before me and give me what my heart seemingly desired the most at the right time. And so it is in 2016 that I felt that God has finally answered the desires of my heart and that was to send me a man who was God fearing.

"I knew my God was a faithful God; years of being faithful to Him are finally rewarded by granting me this relationship."

How transactional my thoughts were! Yet, those were my genuine thoughts and emotions then. I felt that the years of being faithful to Christ and constantly choosing Him was finally rewarded. Yet, the relationship came to an end very quickly and my world turned upside down.

I felt betrayed by God, angry even. What was the point of being faithful to Christ when what I ended up with was yet another heartbreak? Slowly but surely, the anger began to die down; but what replaced that anger on the other hand, was indifference and apathy. Precisely because I was angry with God, I chose to stay away from Him. Thus, I found comfort with my non-church friends who would bring me out for drinks and to just have a good time to unwind and get my mind off things.

Over time, I started to question what many have told me since I was young.

"Can I really only find fulfilment, peace, joy and happiness in the church and in Christ?"

I started to question because I looked around me and saw that my friends who were not christians continued to live what seemed like happy and contented lives! For years I found myself choosing to sacrifice desires of my heart in order to be faithful to Christ; yet here I was with a broken heart while my non Christian friends, had the beautiful live that I wanted! Many are happily married or engaged, and the future holds such a beautiful promise of raising families. That had long been my dream, but I found myself so far from it. What a fool I must have been! Must I really choose to sacrifice all these because Christ is inviting me for more? I mean, can he really offer me more than what my non Christian friends have, cause frankly, they seem happy enough.

With that, I convinced myself that it was okay to choose to live a life apart from Christ. I still went for community sessions and for daily mass even, but my heart was far from Christ. I started to live as a child of the world and not just god's child in the world. After the heartbreak, I longed for companionship and now without any guilt in my indifferent and apathetic heart, I sought to fill my desires for companionship by being with a guy who was going after me.

"Everyone in our world does it now. People who are attracted to each other just get together, sleep together and all of that and they are happy! I can live that life too! Honestly, who cares about Christ's standards when all it seems to bring is pain and sacrifice."

And so with these thoughts and new found beliefs, I dived head in into living this life of merely seeking for temporal pleasures.

Slowly, life became a meaningless routine. I would wake up every morning, attend daily mass and then head to work. After work, I would either go out to drink with friends or hang out with the guy to satisfy my need for companionship and then head home to rest. Next morning, the cycle repeats itself. Everyday was the same and life became monotonous and meaningless.

Yet in those few months on hindsight, I saw how God continued to reach out his hand towards me, beckoning me to come home.

"If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won't he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it?

- Luke 15:4

During the night when i found myself alone with my thoughts (because I somehow didn't fill my day up with activities), I felt the most extreme and intense pangs of loneliness.

Whenever I met my friends for drinks, or whenever I'm with that guy, I was happy. Yet, this happiness didn't last long and I found myself constantly seeking for yet another drinking session or night with the guy when the pleasure and happiness from the previous session wears off.

I felt like I was hooked onto a drug that could only give me a high for short period of time, and I constantly needed and craved for more. The scary part was that I knew if I didn't fill my days with these activities, I would come face to face with essentially the pains and loneliness that my heart has been trying to alert me too; and so to avoid that, I sought to fill my days and nights with more activities, and more superficial and self seeking relationships. I found myself trapped in a vicious cycle of superficiality and selfishness.

But as I wrote earlier, our God is a God who constantly pursues even though none of us are worthy of his time and his love. The moments of grace came when I found myself in unplanned moments of silence and aloneness as I lay on my bed at night. My heart had felt happiness no doubt when I was with my friends and the guy, yet alone, I realised how my life became meaningless and I found myself incredibly alone. Though I was constantly surrounded by people, even a guy who was attracted to me and vice versa, I found myself experiencing the greatest loneliness I have ever experienced when these temporal satiation wears off. But what was truly unbearable, was the thought that I was not living for anything anymore. I was merely existing, no longer living.

I found that I no longer lived for anything as everyday just became a routine and a constant seeking of temporal pleasures. Honestly, it is in these moments of true aloneness that one begins to realize the true state of one's life. I realised life for me, became reduced to one of loneliness and meaninglessness.

And it was in this darkest moment of my life, that I knew the people in church were right. I can only live a fulfilled life that is joy and peace filled if I choose to walk in the way of Christ. Sure, choosing to walk in the way that Christ is calling me to walk involves a lot of sacrifice and pain, and frankly sometimes seem foolish in the eyes of the world.

Yet from my own experience, I firmly believe that it is easy to be fooled by the happy faces that we see around us into believing that maybe we don't need Christ in our lives. If you saw me when I was drinking with my friends or with the guy, I would exude happiness, as though I was contented with life. Yet, what we do not see are the moments where these people find themselves alone and faced with the reality of the state of their lives, just as I had experienced when I lay alone on my bed at night.

Are they truly happy living a life apart from Christ, we will never know. What I know is that in those few months of rebelling and choosing to walk in the ways of the world, I never felt more alone and I found life incredibly meaningless. What was the point of living if it is just chasing after what is temporal and short lived?

With that realisation when I found myself alone and having to face the reality of my life and soul then, I understood that I needed to allow Christ back in my life and that began the slow process of coming back to Him. It was difficult because I had to break off the relationship that though granted me the companionship I desired, also became an obstacle to me giving my life and heart entirely to Jesus. After weeks of wrestling with God, I was granted the grace and courage to end the relationship with finality; and with that painful and difficult choice, I was finally able to move on and mend my relationship with Jesus.

Although I had been so unfaithful to Christ, I knew that He was still pursuing me and wanted my heart to be His completely and so ending the relationship was essential. I still suffer the consequences of ending the relationship cause I still see this guy at times, and there continues to be a lot of tension and awkwardness. Yet, I understood that this is just one of the tiny crosses that I have to bear to once again get back onto the path of Christ. I choose to bear the cross of awkwardness, tension and pain in exchange for eternal joy and salvation.

To say that the mere realisation that my life has been reduced to just chasing after temporal pleasures was enough to steer me back onto the path of eternal joy and salvation would be an oversimplification and inaccurate. What God blessed me with during that time (and still continues too), were friends who continued to pray for me and to challenge me to come back. I know that without the prayers and the constant support of these friends that Christ has placed in my life, I would still be lost in the vicious cycle of superficiality.

Looking back, I see how I could have avoided those months of darkness if I had just listened to the words spoken to me since young about the joy and fulfilment that only life with Christ can bring. Yet I also acknowledge that without having gone through this experience myself, I would never have been as convicted of how necessary Christ is in my life and in everybody's life. And most importantly, I am immensely grateful that God never gave up on me though I tried to ran far away from His love.

"Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you."

- Psalm 139:7-12

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, don't settle for less just cause it is easier or when things get tough in life, because trust me, the joy and peace from following Christ's way far outweighs the sacrifices and sufferings that He invites us to carry this day. Trust me.