#because idk what tf I'm doing

[da-proti-toku-grem]

venting in the tags again bc i'm literally shaking right now wtf

#god i hate it so much #my exams start on monday and i'm not even halfway through everything i need to know for my first exam #i've had all the holidays to study but i just can't concentrate on anything #i've been in my room all day every day (except the days i spent w family like christmas and new year ofc) #and seemingly i'm studying all day #my family thinks i spend all day studying #but the only thing i'm capable of doing most of the time is stare at the things i have to do w/o having any idea of wtf i'm doing #my brain won't shut tf up and telling me stuff that i know are not true #but i just can't #i feel like i've been having an anxiety attack non stop since this monday #not very bad most of the time but it doesn't really stop yk? #and i feel like i have a weight on my chest that i can't really take off #i've been going to therapy and we've come to the conclusion that the cause of my anxiety overall are my studies #(not counting my social anxiety that's been getting worse every day to the point that i don't even want to go out with my best friends) #which doesn't really surprise me but it's just Too Much #i just want to drop everything but since idk what i'd do if i quit this career i chose to do my exams #bc maybe they are useful if i do change my path #but i just can't find it in me to focus and study because my mind is racing all the time #i just want to lie down and cry but i don't even have the strength to do that #i just feel so weak and miserable ever since i started uni and every day it gets worse and worse #my mind just screams at me saying #'stop complaining all the time. no one cares. everyone goes through stuff like that. you're no different. stfu and study like everyone does' #and i know i could do it if i tried but i just can't #why tf is it so difficult to be normal and do what i'm supposed to do for once ffs.... #venting #maca speaks

[saltpepperbeard]

*comes back to tungle covered in blood* hi beloveds

#goodness GRACIOUS BESTIES #i feel like #ofmd s2 wrapped #and then i haven't known peace since <3 JSKLDJS #LIKE GENUINELY #THINGS HAVE BEEN SO SO //SO// INSANE SINCE OCTOBER 26TH #AND FOR WHAT #FOR //WHAT// #work has been the most insane workload wise since i've started this role #i've had to jump through legal hoops/copyright hoops/fistfight adobe--ALSO for work #my car battery died on me a few days after the finale #annnnnd then today i had a nonrepairable flat tire <3 PFFFF #LIKE UM #UMMMM??? #*crawls through djenks' window* david. hey david. hey #can you do a girl (gn) a solid and just drop s3 right in my lap #because i feel like s2 wrapped and then a singularity opened and spacetime distorted idk </3 #i'm going to need them back in my life so all feels Balanced once more ya feel #...ANYWAY LMAO #the way i've been ~*~lurking~*~ and the way i nearly fell tf out over those rhys/taika pictures like are we kidding #SO I WILL BE SLOWLY CATCHING BACK UP AS MY ENERGY SLOWLY INCHES BACK HSDKJLS

[txmxkis]

okay but where the fuck does one even begin to learn how to draw i-

#i mean #i have an itty bitty amount of experience because of what i had to do for architecture #but that was like.... buildings. #how tf do you even begin to draw a person #HOW. #my brain is self destructing #do i need to start hoarding youtube tutorials or something????? help #im trying to get more into it cause i think it'll be another good outlet for me but. uhhhhhh #so far ive just been using references to just kinda practice basics but. is that correct #idk man i'm trying #[☂] — bunny babbles

[gregoftom]

awful, just awful

#succession #tomgreg #biting my pillow like that dog meme #where do i even begin with this TOM IS LIKE A SCHOOLBOY WITH GREG ITS ACTUALLY INSANE #he reverts to like 20 years younger from his emotional swings to his obvious crush #and his EXPRESSIONS THROUGHOUT THIS SCENE BY TALOS MY STOMACH IS IN MY ASS. MATTHEW!!!!! #his hurt at the thought that greg might somehow be trying to blackmail him again to just sadness because of greg's fear of going to jail #his downcast eyes as he says ''yeah'' SHUT the up #like yeah maybe he's reflecting on his own hurt and pain at the fact that he's going to jail and shiv handed him another rejection #just before. or maybe. he doesn't like hearing greg suffer like this. i mean. from what i know about later #that tom is fully prepared to go to jail and ''throw it all out for love'' or whatever tf for greg's sake #it's just. it's plausible is all i'll say. it's very plausible when we think about that future scene. #idk i just think that people refuse to hear when anyone would say tom is absolutely GASPING to love somebody. like yeah he's got issues #but who tf is well adjusted in this economy LMAOOO even in these rich fucks' worlds nobody is #so i know. i'm not stupid i know he can be nasty. but so can all of them. GREG WAS PREPARED TO SUE GREENPEACE AJDLAKDAD #i mean idk if he will. but my point is if tom wasn't like that he wouldn't be such a good character imo. if he was just a straight up #asshole. who would care if something bad happened to him? i wouldn't. something that makes him so compelling to me #is that he can be SO WRATHFUL AND MANIACAL #but he can be so. so fucking soft and vulnerable at the same time. and matthew plays him so organically i just wanna fuckin WEEP #and then GREG here. he wasn't even thinking about using a connection of any way to get ahead he just wants to be saved. he's still early 20s #i believe anyway. and tom has taken care of him. looked after him #protected him. he always listens to him. he's learned that tom is there for him so ofc he's gonna plead for help but like. not directly #''just asking for advice'' = i'm fucking terrified how do i make it stop help me #hoe but keep it fashion #SORRY GOD I KEEP DOING NOVELS IN THE TAGS BUT GODDDDDD THIS IS SO MUCH evyerhting is sos oafujfdmwkqfd #ok i'm stopping now but anyway. they're important to me. sorry. sorry bye

[freetobeeyouandme]

Been thinking about the The First Shadow spoilers for days and like I obvi wanna watch it myself to get the full picture (the moment a slime tutorial drops I want to be notified please) but it's very funny how it turned me, a major Will-has-powers sceptic, into a huge Will-has-powers truther like...I don't want Will to have powers to solve the plot but if that could cause more problems? That would be delicious actually, maybe. Like I need the full picture but we can cook with that, I think

#stranger things #st theories #st the first shadow #like idk if I like 'it's an alien did it' but then again...what was s1 but 'an alien did it'? so like I'd need to see the whole thing and #then the execution of S5 to judge it but in gernal idk if I'm upset about it. It feels a bit weird with the vecna reveal but we'll have to #see how they do it #but for the will has powers because of his time in the ud aspect? I'm down actually that could be FUN. and it would work with the whole #powers as metaphor for otherness aspect. Because the protags are portrayed as not-bigots. So they won't react to any normal 'otherness' #badly. But to something stranger? Something that was portrayed as smth you can/should fear a little maybe? Are justified in othering a lil? #imagine if that applied to Will and he suddenly had a reason for believing his friends and fam might hate him for who he is? and then we ge #proper Will Henry parallels? #plus the bigness of that could maybe actually be a good reason for will to run off into the UD prompting the party to go find him again. #and this time they find him not el bringing us full circle #the first shadow spoilers #tfs spoilers

[fooltofancy]

fuck it, post. idk. zenosmode.

#ive given up on a number of things like legs and ears but it's one of those days where if i dont pretend to finish something i dont sleep #so here tf we are #hell. #we're in hell i'm in hell and i'm taking you all down with me #this has taken me what like a month and a half 'cause it's embarrassing #anyway #something something what if fate IS what we make it but what if we're both terrible #soulmates (derogatory) #baby mode blogging #vindraws #do i tag zenos or don't i tag zenos idk if i want that on my conscience #idk whatever i'm gonna. go try to sleep and think about what i've done. #fuck captions also infer whatever u want #partner gave them a ship name and i don't remember what it was because i think i just yelled. #ffxiv

[shirtlessradfahrer]

hi sorry I disappeared for like two weeks but I was overwhelmed with the news that there's a significant chance I may be on the autism spectrum (and possibly have a nice side helping of adhd) which if true has a fuckton of implications for how poorly many, many things throughout my life have played out, so needless to say I am not doing very well

(and by that I mean I was mostly crying on and off for days, and then cried some more when I realized it will cost thousands if I want to get a proper assessment done and I'm not confident my insurance would cover all of it, and also depending on how much my hours continue to be cut this month I may not even have said insurance for much longer at all hahahaha)

#i'm so angry #thinking of how many adults complained about me and my behaviour growing up but couldn't help me at all #how long have i suffered for no reason #because i wasn't a completely nonverbal boy who liked trains or some shit #...actually i did really like trains but it didn't matter apparently #but learning about all the signs and symptoms in girls/women has felt like getting punched in the gut over and over #and all the absolute worst of my childhood and teenage years has rushed back to me with new context #and i'm so fucking angry and sad and upset #and now my mom is angry af too because she took me to a psychologist in complete desperation when i was like five #because i couldn't control my emotions for shit once i was home from school #i would just flip tf out and throw stuff around my room and be incapable of saying anything until i had completely calmed down #and this was happening on a regular basis and she didn't know what tf to do #and while at school i couldn't make eye contact or advocate for myself and again i just shut down completely if i was too stressed or upset #and several other things #and the psychologist was basically like lol idk what's wrong with her but you probably just need to be a better mother :) #just slightly more professionally #NO ONE ever mentioned the possibility of autism to her #and i feel like some of these things have...worsened when i'm at work but i couldn't figure out why i was having so much difficulty #and why i felt so drained after even a short shift #but then reading about masking hit me like a fucking freight train #and apparently my brother’s girlfriend-who was officially diagnosed a few years ago-suspected it when she first met me?? #but idk what to do now bc i have an doctor's appointment next week #and i feel like i should bring it up because i hate just self-diagnosing #but even if i somehow managed to pay for an assessment (lmao) i don't feel like my doctor's going to take it seriously #considering he's been our family doctor since my birth #and apparently couldn't be bothered to take my mom's concerns that seriously back then either #jfc I’m rambling again don’t look at me

[girlscience]

having some thoughts today about sexuality and for the first time in a long fucking time they are positive. had an experience last night and i won't go into detail, but afterwards i was thinking "that was for me and i don't want to and would not want to ever share that with anyone else". and now i'm having thoughts today about maybe my sexuality is for me and it's not about other people. it's about what i enjoy and what feels good to me and maybe i would invite someone else into that someday, but my sexuality would exist for me even if i never had a sexual partner in my whole life. i shouldn't worry about or struggle with or try to label myself for that potential partner or my family or my friends or random people online or strangers on the street. it's just about me and what i enjoy. what makes me feel good. and for some reason that's not something i ever really realized before. my sexuality isn't a nutrition label on a can of soup, it isn't some political opinion or experience, it isn't alienating to others, and it certainly isn't a moral stance. it is an internal experience for me to enjoy first and foremost and that has nothing to do with other people.

#like yeah i'm attracted to other people. but the way that makes me feel or act has nothing to do with them #i get off in certain ways because it feels good to me. not because other people thinks it's normal or weird or it's how they get off #i have certain kinks and i enjoy them because they make me feel good. not because other people think they are good or bad or whatever #it's my internal experience and i could share it with other people but i don't have to because i would enjoy it anyway by myself #its like. video games or transformers or books or hiking #i love all of these things by myself. i play video games and go hiking in the woods alone #and i love it!!!! i enjoy reading books by myself and watching tf on the couch alone #my enjoyment is not dependent on other people doing those things with me #but it can be fun to do it with others too! i like video chatting friends while playing video games together #or going on hikes with other people. it's fun!! i love talking about books and transformers with other people #but that's like a whole new second experience to what i do and feel by myself #not better or worse just different and it's a shared experience which makes it like it's whole own new thing #but the enjoyment started just with me first and then grew into something new with other people's involvement #IDK IF IM MAKING SENSE BUT IT FEELS BIG AND SPECIAL AND LIKE DISCOVERING SOMETHING NEW TO ME #like i'm on the horizon of some big unexplored land and it's exciting and strange and hopeful all at once #idk i just feel like my whole life i've been told sexuality is about other people and how they feel about you and how you relate to them #and it's for them. it's a gift it's sacred it's intimate and special and beautiful or it's broken and dirty and ugly and bad if done wrong #and like maybe absolutely none of that is true #maybe MY sexuality is just about ME and is just for ME and everyone else can get fucked

[averagelonelypotato]

i have no idea why my french teacher kept on saying I look sad today in class, I was just tired 🧍🏽‍♀️

#bro kept on asking if i'm sad like HuH #i mean yeah cause i'm not passing this class but other than that i'm just tired man #like bro asked like 3-4 times in class today it just started to feel weird cause i swear people were just looking at me weird tryna see what #he was seeing #like ????? #anyway #the summer camp job i did last year that i didn't have a fun time in the second session #anyway people keep on asking be about the job #like i'll smile and nod and encourage them to apply but i'm just tired of people asking me about it #like it's just these people coming up to me only to talk about the job #like i mean yeah people only talk to me when they want something ig #rip #but the girl in my class is going to be the head person in charge of the camp this year #idk why tf people are asking me about it when she's right there #like i'm not the one recommending it she is #stop asking me #and i can't even talk about my experience cause yeah i had an amazing time working there #it's just in the second half of it there was so much miscommunication from the people in charge it got so annoying #like i didn't not have a fun time cause of this girl because she didn't even do her job properly #but it's hard to explain cause we all had different experieces working there #zhgsdslagsdklbj

[da-proti-toku-grem]

feeling like a total asshole today 👍

#an aunt's mom passed away yesterday night #i didn't really know her that much just spoke to her a few times for the typical merry christmas & happy new year you know #so when my mom told me i felt bad for my aunt bc i knew they were really close but i don't feel SAD #but my parents seemed to be like so shocked and sad and my little brother even started crying #and i felt absolutely nothing #idek what my mom saw in my face but she went like 'don't you feel anything?' and like wtf am i supposed to feel #like. i'm sorry for my aunt and everything but i just????? #that already made me feel like an absolute asshole but now we have to go there (like 2hours away by car) #and because i am an adult now i *have* to go to the funeral home (?) today and to the funeral tomorrow #and i REALLY don't want to and thought it's making me so fucking anxious bc i haven't been there since my grandma passed away 2 years ago #i really don't want that feeling that i felt back then to come back #not right now #not when i've been starting to feel a bit better this past week #but i'm already failing at that because they started to come back the moment i was told i have to go #and i feel like a fucking asshole because my aunt's mom literally passed away and she (and her whole family) must be heartbroken right now #and all i can think about is that i'm anxious #i'm anxious to go back there. i'm anxious just thinking that i'll have to express my condolences to people that i don't even know #i'm anxious because i'll have to TALK to people and at least try to look a bit SAD but i can't just fake it #bc if i don't look sad my brain tells me that i'm an asshole that doesn't have feelings like apparently everyone around me has #but if i fake it my brain tells me that i'm an asshole bc why tf do i have to fake my fucking personality #why can't i just express my fucking feelings like normal people do and the only thing that i know how to do is fucking complain #like. i know i rant a lot here but it's literally the only place where i talk about my feelings #i NEVER talk about my feelings with anyone because idk HOW to do it #i have like a million things in my mind that i want to tell my mom or my therapy for example but when i finally convince myself to do it #i just CAN'T. the thoughts won't leave my mouth because i don't know how to phrase them properly #so nothing ever leaves my mind unless i make a post here bc apparently writing my thoughts in english (my 2nd language) #is easier than talking in spanish #and at least if i write them here they don't just stay bottled up in my mind #but i'm too tired of myself and my stupid brain that tells me that i do everything wrong :/ #i'm gonna shut up now bc i once again reached the tag limit

[thomas-mvller]

Today i ran into a piece of shit at the doctor's office and never in my life i've felt more hatred towards men like i did today

#so this mf sent his mom to save him a spot #but dude forgot to give her the reservation which was a paper the doc's secretary gave him #and so because of that other patients were signed up before him #and when this mf arrived with the paper he said: okay so sign me up as patient number one simce i got here first #and the poor secretary was like: ...yeah but other people came with the reservation before you. so we skipped you #and this mf threw a FIT #was rude to the secretary #started YELLING??? despite we were all there #and when she calmly called him out for being rude dude yelled at her: JUST DO YOUR JOB #and the secretsry was like: k... and you just sit there and wait for the patients before you #and mf yelled: NO SHIT. TF YOU THINK I'M DOING THEN??? #and it was like 🤯🤯🤯🤯 #to top it all when he arrived mf got told to wear his mask properly and he fixed it #but after his fit he took his mask out and was making faces like wtfff #UGHHHH #what a piece of shit! #i did have a little revenge though #i was the last patient before him #so when the doctor told me to call the next patient (lets say john) i said: jamal? juan? jamie? idk #and left #and yeah as i was leaving he threw another fit bc he refused to use hand sanitizer like omfg man #THE PATIENCE secretaries have #mad respect for them #i hope the doc refused to see tjat mf #rambless #sorry for the eternal ramble but this mf angered me to bits

[thosetwofirefighters]

WIP Wednesday

me? posting a tag fill on the correct day? who am i and what have i done with myself?! anywayyyy, tagged by @lilbuddie and @the-likesofus aka the bestest people on this whole website

almost all of the writing i've done recently has been finished and posted, and i've already shown y'all all that i wish to regarding my fake dating au sooooo y'all know that scene in The Proposal where ryan reynold's character strips on the balcony before his shower and sandra's character forgets a towel and they end up running into each other naked?

yeah, that. but make it buddie:

There’s a dull thwack that sounds through the room before they both tumble to the ground, Buck on top of Eddie, who is naked, and so is Buck, and what the hell is going on? “Why are you naked?” Buck yells, and Eddie returns the sentiment as he scrambles away. Buck ignores the way his touch felt, the way he wanted to curl into Eddie, hold him down and keep him there, ravish him until they were both satiated and sleepy. He can’t do that—he won’t ruin the best friendship that he’s ever had.

@vancityreynolds what do you think?! hehe

part of me doesn't want to tag anyone else on this because like.....this is just pure crack and it's so silly and rough rn, but also....it's not that deep soooo tagging @justsmilestuffhappens @ajunerose @bloodydiaz if y'all haven't been tagged yet and want to join in!! anyone else who wants to be tagged in the future just lmk! <3

#ryan reynolds if you respond i will literally combust both because you shouldnt see this ever but also i really want you to #also ryan reynolds if youre reading this go watch 911 and then like idk guest star in it and convince them to make buddie canon? #seems like a job for you #these are. literally the only three paragraphs i have written of this lol #and it is SO ROUGH #i wrote this while not sober just because i like. wanted to??? #idk the proposal is straight up one of my favorite movies (because fake dating is like my favorite trope so duh) #and uhhhh I just have to make this a buddie moment yk? #mine #wip wednesday #buddie #wip #tag game #oh shit i'm editing the tags on this and uhhhhh i want to @ ryan reynolds now lmaoooo #i'm going to #it's tumblr what tf else should i do

[ridiculously-over-obsessed]

Living with her is such a weird limbo now I’ve decided to go no-contact when I move out, like I’m sad and annoyed all the time about her bs and her attitude and her gaslighting, but I also know there’s an end in sight so I don’t feel... anything about it at the same time.

Idk I’ve got all these weird feelings/non-feelings going on and I just want to reach that end date so I can get on with my life, I’m feeling very weird lately...

#gs rambling again #like rn she's asleep (yes it's 6pm here) and i had to get my sister up because she's got dnd online with her friends #which is fine but like... she's 19 and doesn't get herself up and i'm sick of it being my responsibility #and mum got snappy at me for daring to wake her up at 4pm because i was going to do food because she was tired and needed more sleep #like why tf are you snapping at me you're nearly 50 years old you should know how to communicate with ppl by now #so i just went back to my room because fuck that and had a cry because it's exhausting and i'm exhausted but i also just feel... empty?? #like i don't feel any type of way about my decision to cut her off i'm not sad i'm not angry i'm not relieved i just... am. #idk i've had enough and i want it to be august already so i can get out and stay out and maybe then i'll feel something about it #just praying sfe doesn't fuck me over again this year 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 #also i really need to talk to my friends about this but i know theyre in a great place and i don't want to bring my sad shit into it #i feel bad for needing them which i'm aware is not a rational way of thinking and i need to open up etc etc #but i'm... i just got so used to keeping it to myself that i don't know what to say or how to open up #and now i'm just spiralling and feeling bad for not talking to them but also bad for even considering it #*gently thuds head into wall*

[micamicster]

every day for the last two weeks there’s a battle between my need for attention (post funnie scene today) vs my completest nature (drop perfect 20k one shot in the future)

#so far the completest nature has been winning but idk #the homies are wavering the homies require attention to survive #i wish i had a title then i would be unstoppable #because its me it needs to be a song title so... thinking thinking #also there's a battle raging between 'this doesnt matter just make it up' and 'we didn't find this concert database not to use it' #the same with needing to make the route make sense. what tf do i think i'm trying to do here? convince people i know what the continental us #looks like? because i dont #the load out

[meatydog]

Looks at Hollymarsh HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM NAH I LIKE THIS GUY BETTER-

But yeah I remade my Spooky Month OC to a Bob-inspired OC lol. His backstory basically is, he had to deal with some bullies he knew at a young age one day while Winterfred was working at CandyClub and when he went outside, the three bullies decided to prank him by dropping tiny bits of acid on him, but nothing too harmful, just TINY, but one of them knocked the bucket over and it went all over Winterfred, after that, he lost his arm and part of his face and it made him go crazy. And now he's a villain lol. I plan on making a fanfic about it, maybe, idk.

#Do I ship him with Bob? WELL OF COURSE I DO WHAT TYPE OF QUESTION IS THAT- #spooky month #sr pelo #oc #referencesheet #Also I headcanon that Bob Velseb is in his 40s #I find that kinda ridiculous because HOW TF DOES HE LOOK THAT YOUNG IF HE IS IN HIS 70S OR 80S? #HE LOOKS TO BE AT LEAST IN HIS MID OR EARILY 40S IN MY OPINION. #Eh whatever idk anymore... #If Bob was that old he should be looking like Mr. Wonder (no offense to Mr. Wonder I'm just trying to make a point ;-;)

[mrbrightman]

😐

#two years ago I had a surgery to correct my crooked septum and it was as if I was reborn #the recovery was a bitch but oh my god the difference between the before and after was amazing #I couldn't believe how much better I felt #welp a few weeks ago I started having bad symptoms again and went to the doctor #she said the septum is crooked again and asked me to consider getting the surgery again :') #how tf does that happen #why is it fucked up again 😭 #she was asking if I got into some accident or something but absolutely nothing comes to mind #so idk what to do #I want to be well again but I'm so worried the second time it won't last either #it's not a matter of money cause the health fund covers it but imagine going to the hospital and under anesthesia every two years... #because if that bone is so stubborn how do I know that second time will be final or if I'll need to do it again #can you even do it for the third time #the doctor explained the nose needs about a YEAR to fully heal 😭 #bro it's literally one of the tiniest bones why does it have to be such a bitch #chihuahua of the skeleton