#because i remember DESPISING annie when i first watched the show

[pickalilywrites]

Can you write some pokkopikku where the two of them are just hanging out but something reminds Porco that he’s only got four years left with her? I need some angst with fluff to make up for what the anime is gonna do in a few weeks since that will only be angst :(

this is way too late but ;-;

stuck with you

pokkopikku. canonverse. 1037 words. read on ao3.

Their lives come with a expiration date that is set the moment they inherit their Titans. Strange, how they despise themselves for the demon blood that courses through their veins, and yet the children of Ymir fight tooth and nail to become one of the five Titan Shifters to defend Marley. Once the spinal fluid of the previous inheritor passes their lips, they transform into hideous monsters with horrendous powers and their lives are shortened. From that point on, they are given thirteen years left to live, but that’s only if they are fortunate enough to survive the battles they are forced to fight for Marley.  

It had never bothered Porco before. It was something he had come to accept. As a child, he was trained to become a weapon for Marley. If he could become a Titan Shifter, it would help relieve Eldians of the sins their ancestors bore. The shortened lifespan was something he could bear if it would benefit his family and show that Eldians did indeed have value in this world despite their monstrous qualities. When Porco was passed over for the Armored Titan in favor of Reiner Braun, he filled with rage and anguish, feeling cursed to live a long, useless life compared to his comrades that had been selected. Now that he has acquired the powers of the Jaw Titan, he can see how ignorant he had been and how ungrateful he was for the time he had.  

He had swallowed the girl called Ymir and was given thirteen years left to live. He trained to become a sufficient weapon for Marley and those thirteen years soon became eight years. Back when he was a child, five years felt like an eternity. Now, it feels to have gone by in a flash and he mourns the passage of time, but he does not grieve for himself. He grieves for her.  

Like most of his other comrades, Pieck had received her Titan when they were hardly even ten years old. While the others — Marcel, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie — had been sent to Paradis to retrieve the Founding Titan, Pieck had stayed behind with Zeke to protect Marley from any threats that would come their way. Porco had found himself gravitating towards Pieck, perhaps because they had gone through the same training, and she had never minded his company. They had become accustomed to each other, and it was Pieck that had gone to him first after he was informed that he would be inheriting the Jaw Titan from the girl that had ended his older brother’s life.  

“Isn’t it fun?” Pieck asked him jokingly. He still remembers her lounging on the couch as he read the notice from the Marleyan officials about acquiring the Jaw Titan. She kept her tone light, joking, but he could see the concern on her face as she watched him read the letter over and over. “We’ll be working together, partners in crime. It comes with a death sentence, of course, but isn’t there something comforting about knowing that we’ll spend the rest of our lives together?”  

“I’m fortunate, but you’ll be stuck with my ugly mug for the rest of your life. Are you sure you’re going to be okay with that?” Porco muttered, but it made him feel slightly better when he heard Pieck giggle.  

At the time, the rest of Pieck’s life had meant six years. Now, it’s four years. The time is slipping away like sand through their fingers and there’s no way to get it back or even slow its passage. He’s even more reminded of how little time they have every time he looks at Pieck. The thought of it constantly plagues him in the back of his mind no matter how much Porco tries to banish it. 

The years as a Warrior have taken their toll on Pieck. She tries to make light of it, passing it off as her habits as the Cart Titan rubbing off on her human form. He knows that the real reason she crawls on all fours and rests so often is because she is fatigued from fighting all these years, trapped in the form of the Cart Titan for years at a time just to keep Marley safe. Even when she is resting with her eyes closed, Porco sees how tense her body is and knows she dreams of fighting even in her sleep.  

He watches her now, her brow furrowed together as she’s curled up on the couch. She does not stir much, but she’s never really been the type to toss and turn in her sleep. He can see it all on her face: the way her face contorts, her lips purse, her eyebrows knit. He can do nothing for her, and it kills him. He cannot stop the flow of time no matter how much he wants to. The only thing he can do is reach out and grasp her hand. Her body relaxes instantly when she feels his touch, her lips parting to let out sigh. 

Her eyes flutter open to gaze at Porco. She gazes at him with a drowsy smile. Her other hand is reaching out to him, cupping his cheek. It’s only four more years of this. Only four more years of him watching her as she sleeps, four more years of her smiling at him when she wakes, only four more years of her comforting him with her warm touch against his skin. He wonders if she’s counting down the days the way he is.  

“Pokko,” she says. Her voice is low and syrupy from sleep. She turns her hand so the back of her fingers brush against his cheek. She reaches up to brush the pad of her thumb against his forehead, smoothing out the lines that have appeared there. “What are you thinking about?”  

“Just how unfortunate it is that you’re stuck with a bastard like me for the rest of your life,” Porco replies. When Pieck chuckles, he can’t help the smile that appears on his face. 

“Oh, Pokko,” Pieck laughs, and she sits up to press a kiss against his forehead. “There is no one else I would rather be stuck with.”  

#snk #pokkopiku #pieck finger #porco galliard #requests #asks #anon #anonymous #answered

[low-budget-korra]

Comments on The Boys season 3

I should be able to do a comment for each episode but I just couldn't stop watching so here it's my thoughts on the characters this season and a few other things.

Before I start I just wanna say how much I like the fact that The Boys characters are complex and just feel real for the most part.

Butcher

He is a asshole since his first appearance, so watching him go even worse because of the V wasn't that surprising but watching him become that asshole in episode seven, hits different. We already knew what happened but watching it happening and the impact of Butcher realizing he basically became his father, that's heavy.

Hughie

I dislike him for like 90% of the season. What's the problem with Annie being the powerful one? He was insecure about this girlfriend power and influence. That's a red flag.

And just to compare. Frenchie never felt like that with Kimiko, he always wanted to protect her but he never go that far, and never had a problem with her saving his ass.

At least at the end he seemed happy seeing Annie all powerfull against Soldier Boy

Homelander

What I can say about Homelander? What a terrifying, crazy, deep and charismatic villain. It's so non fair that Anthony Starr didn't receive a nomination for his role this season.

That last scene was scary because we know damn well that, bring to our world, if some politician or celebs blows someone's head like that in front of his crow, he would be praise like that.

Frenchie and Kimiko

Their arc was more distant e from the main plot of the season but I really like because it actually develop both of their characters. By the end we saw Frenchie standing up against Butcher and Kimiko accepting her powers. And they are the sweetest, the care and mutual respect they have for each other are goals

Soldier Boy

I def wasn't expecting him to have the role he had. What a absolut asshole, he make Butcher look like the sweetest guy in the show.

One detail that I think adds a lot into his character is his PTSD, which means that he did felt all the experiments that the russians was doing on him which is awful. And in a way Homelander, his son, is a update of him because he is just as powerful but also can't feel pain (not that I remember at least)

Jensen Ackles did a amazing job. The guy spend 84years in Supernatural and not even for once I saw Dean Winchester in his Soldier Boy

MM and Annie

Those two, Frenchie and Kimiko are the nicest people in this show. Not much to say, both of them being the moral compass of the group.

Annie goes through hell this season, this "wherever it takes" bullshit always goes too far, I'm happy that she ended the season okay.

MM having his moment of justice and bring accepted by this daughter was so nice to see.

Honorable Mentions

- I didn't expect Noir to die.

-Newman is not a villain, she just wants to stay alive and keep her daughter safe. Just like most of the characters this season, she just wants to survive Homelander madness and evilness. Hope they don't murder her next season

-Poor Ryan. Butcher was a asshole with him, Homelander wasn't and now the kid has the worst role model by his side. Don't shit Ryan, what would you choose, a guy that blames you for the dead of your mother or the one that understand that was a accident?

Ryan siding with Homelander was Butcher's fault.

-I still in shock that The Boys give Maeve an (until now) happy ending with Elena. The fucking Boys. And the fact that she face Homelander as a equal match, what a queen

- A-Train and The Deep, two desperate for Homelander's attention even tho Homelander despise them. The only "win" moment for A-Train was when she murder that racist fuck.

-Im glad that Ashley did something human at the end, coving up for Maeve's death angle.

-Herogasm

#the boys #the boys season 3 #homelander #soldier boy #Hughie #starlight #annie january #kimiko #Frenchie #MM #victoria newman #Anthony Starr #jensen ackles #a train #the deep #ashley #comments on #queen maeve #william butcher

[oohnoniall]

The Lantsov Emerald [Kaz Brekker x OC] - Chapter One (Anastasia)

WARNINGS: cursing.

       The Grisha were puppets. She could tell that from the way her father had them paraded before him. No one should be treated the way they were and yet, it was the safest they had ever been. She had not grown up in a time before the Darkling. She had only ever known him to reside over the Little Palace. He kept the Grisha safe.

       That didn't stop them from having to perform great feats at the winter fete every year. She had been in attendance every year since she was six.

       She still remembered that first one clearly. It had been the first time she had been presented to the court. Her mother had actually come to her room, getting her ready to be shown off like a prized horse. It was the first time she had been allowed to wear a tiara.

       Nikolai had teased her for it the entire night. He still teased her for it.

       "Annie," a voice hissed to her right. Her eldest brother looked proud in his jacket, his medals pinned to his chest. They showed that he had claimed something in his year of service. Even if she was certain that it was not a brain. "Get your head out of the clouds."

       Vasily had never exactly been close to Anastasia. He had always been more focused on learning how to run Ravka, how to be the king that their country deserved. He had never paid much attention to her as Nikolai had. He hadn't paid Nikolai much attention either. Vasily was less their brother and more an acquaintance.

       Yet he was all that she had.

       Nikolai had left three years before to study and to serve in the military. Anastasia had written him daily letters for the first year, weekly the second. Now, she was lucky if she wrote him monthly. He didn't answer the letters. Too busy with his studies, with forgetting all about the life he had lived back home.

       Forgetting Anastasia.

       "My head is never in the clouds, Vasie," she huffed as she straightened her spine. She found it somewhat hard to breathe in her gown. Her corset was too tight, her mother had said her waist needed to be smaller and her maids had apparently agreed. Despite the lack of oxygen, there was no denying that the gown was beautiful. It was a shade of cream that matched Vasily's jacket perfectly with sky blue lace detailing on the bodice and matching blue flowers embroidered along the hemline.

       It was not the prettiest gown she owned, but it was one of her favorites. If only because she liked that she stood out just a bit from her family. Her mother's gown would be plain, letting everyone focus instead on the Lantsov emerald that would rest on her left hand. Her father and brother would both be sporting their military jackets, the pins and medals gleaming in the light. If Nikolai had been there, he would have at least been the one to escort Anastasia.

       Instead, her arm was linked with Vasily's. A bored smile crossed her features, taking away the seventeen-year-old's normal vibrancy. She despised the winter fete. The past three years had all been more disappointing than the last.

       It had nothing to do with the Grisha. But it had everything to do with the fact that she had no one to speak with. No one to confide in or giggle with when the night grew boring. Life without her brother had become stale, boring even.

       She sighed softly, trying to push out all those negative feelings as Vasily began to gently pull her out of the small antechamber. Her heart pounded in her chest. A four-eighths rhythm that seemed to skip the second beat. She wondered what it would sound like as an aria.

       "Presenting His Highness Crown Prince Vasily Lantsov and Her Highness Princess Anastasia Lantsov," a booming voice announced to the waiting crowd of nobles and rich merchants that surrounded Os Alta.

       A small smattering of applause greeted them, as it did every year. They were not the show though. They were merely just important guests, visitors to the show of something amazing. Something that none of them were entirely prepared for. At least, not yet.

       "Mingle," Vasily murmured in her ear, not bothering to bend. The two were only mere inches apart. A fact that Vasily hated and Nikolai had found humorous. "Just don't wander far from my sight."

       "And if I don't?" She did not move to raise a brow or do anything that might cause alarm. She barely moved her lips as she spoke. Speaking with Vasily just meant keeping it quiet and not allowing anyone to hear.

       "Then you'll never make a friend that isn't Nikolai." Despite their lack of a relationship, he did care for his younger sister. He cared for his brother as well. Although that relationship was far more strained. Not even Vasily could ignore the rumors surrounding his siblings. Anastasia, however, would never be a threat to him getting the throne upon their father's death.

       She gave a very slight nod of her head. If one happened to see it, they would merely assume she had just shifted her stance or something of that nature. They'd never realize that she had agreed to do something for him. Even if it was as simple as mingle with those who gathered with them in celebration of the second army.

       Her brother released her arm, allowing her to slip free from him and into the crowd. She would not leave the room. She knew better than to cause Vasily a heart attack. Had Nikolai been there, she wouldn't have had to worry about any of it. She would have been able to do as pleased. He'd just follow after her, his charisma hiding the fact that he was threatening people or watching over the sister he'd never asked for.

       Soft laughter, low tenors mixed with high sopranos, filled the air with a gentle melody. One that Anastasia could feel tingling in her bones and in her heart. The melodies of life in Ravka had always seemed to flow through the princess. She just hadn't said a word about it to anyone. Her mother had only ever been told she excelled in music lessons.

       She had strived to excel in everything though. Anything to avoid being sent off like her brother.

       "Princess," a tall young man stepped in front of her, blocking her from moving forward. He bowed at the waist to her, his left arm going behind his back in a sign of respect. His dark, blue-black hair fell into his face in the softest of waves. Briefly, she thought about reaching out to run her fingers through them. "I was certain we wouldn't be graced with your presence this evening."

       "And why exactly is that?" Her tone was soft, lilting and pretty. If she added a bit more breath it would sound more like a song.

       "There's a rumor that your parents sent you to Fjerda a week ago," he admitted as he straightened his spine. His eyes were bright, only a few shades darker than the Lantsov emerald. She wondered how many women he had enchanted with his eyes alone.

       Anastasia forced a gentle laugh to leave her lips as she looked at the man. "I'm afraid I will not see Fjerda for a few more years. Although, my departure date is not to be common knowledge." Her eyes glinted in the light, matching the sky blue detailing on her dress.

       "Of course, your highness," the man nodded his hand once. "Might I have this dance with you?"

       She considered it for a moment. A dance didn't mean they'd be courting. Nor did it mean she would be respected. Everything was so political nowadays. If she did not do the right thing, she would create a scandal. However, most of the time it felt as though if she breathed wrong she would cause a scandal or trouble of some sort. It was all quite exhausting if she were being honest.

       Slowly, Anastasia took the man's outstretched hand. "Of course."

       He led her towards the small dance floor. The winter fete was not a place for dancing. But her mother had thought that it would be nice to have a bit of a dance. She was certain that it had only been in case Nikolai or Vasily had caught sight of a woman that might one day become a queen. Or at the very least it made for a good chessboard.

       "What is your name?" She asked as he placed on hand on her waist. She could feel eyes on them. She was certain his family was watching closely, certain that her brother was preparing to protect her honor.

       "Dima Antonov," he said as the music began to swell. He led her through an intricate waltz. One that she had danced a million times. It was practically drilled into her feet.

       The music spoke to her in a way that nothing ever had before. She loved the way it made her feel as though she were floating on air. Every rest was like holding her breath, the crescendo was the beating of her heart as Dima twirled her across the floor. Her gown floating around them as though there was nothing holding her onto this plane of existence. She could fly away, farther than any bird.

       "You're an incredible dancer," his voice brought her back down to the earth. Gravity pulling against her limbs and her hopes.

       "Oh?" An amused smile crossed her features. "You're not so bad yourself."

       A glint of something was in his eyes. She could not tell if it was amusement or something darker. She prayed to the Saints that she would not have to deal with a pining lordling with dreams of becoming king. It wasn't as though the throne would ever fall to her. Yet, some of these lordlings seemed to believe that they would inherit the throne upon marrying her. Her betrothal didn't seem to matter to any of them either.

       Why would she marry a backward Fjerdan when she could have a good, honest Ravakan? Honestly, the whole thing was rather dull.

       There was nothing that could be done about her marriage. Contracts had been signed long ago. Although, the Fjerdans were not holding up their end of the bargain particularly well. It seemed as if they assumed they could do whatever they wanted to the Grisha and get away with it. It seemed as though all they cared about was getting another country to trade with them. Something that her parents also wanted.

       "Thank you, your highness," Dima broke her out of her thoughts as he dipped her in time with the music. Her long flowing hair nearly touched the floor as strands began to fall from the mess of braids that her maids had put it up in. Her heart skipped another beat as she stared up into his eyes.

       Love was such a trivial matter to her and yet, she found it hard to not be wooed by bright eyes and a dazzling smile. She was just a girl after all. A girl with hopes, dreams, ambitions.

       Dima's dazzling smile just happened to be distracting enough to keep her mind off of her ambitions.

       "I've heard that the Princess of Ravka was a sight to behold, but I didn't expect the rumors to be true." He admitted as he gently pulled her back up. She found that she was pressed rather closely to the young man.

       "I take it that this is your first winter fete?" One of her eyebrows rose just a fraction of a centimeter, barely enough for anyone but the man standing in front of her to notice.

       "I've been spending my time with the First Army. My father is a general," he admitted as he stepped back enough to make their dance proper once more. "I've finally been allowed leave and thought I would spend my time is Os Alta."

       "And this has nothing to do with our new Sun Summoner, does it?"

       "Nothing at all," Dima's lips quirked in a handsome smirk. One that sent heat racing to Anastasia's cheeks. She fought down her blush, not wanting a soul to know her feelings.

       Her mother had once told her that she was an open book. Her emotions were easy to read and easy to figure out. Her mother had made sure that she knew it was not a good thing. Beauty was what mattered. At least, until she had done what she needed to. Then she could worry about falling in love and being in love. Until then, she had to focus on the Fjerdan prince and providing an heir when the time came.

       Anastasia's life was nothing more than a game of chess. She just didn't know if she was the pawn or the queen.

       The music slowed to a stop, her heart still kept the steady beat of the waltz. If only to keep it inside of her for a few hours more. Dima stepped away from her, bowing his head politely.

       "Thank you for the dance, your highness," he took her hand in his and raised it to his knuckles. He brushed his lips against it once, before he slipped away, disappearing into the crowd and out of her life.

       She knew better than anyone that it was easier to dance with royalty than actually spend time with them. It was one of the reasons why Nikolai had been her only friend for so long.

       Anastasia did not allow for this to keep her sedated for long. Instead, she slipped away into the crowd. Her eyes searched out Vasily, who was drinking something that was not water while flirting with a lord's daughter. One that he had been speaking with for nearly a year now. She was expecting a courting announcement any day now.

       Vasily being preoccupied was a blessing to her. She could escape from his supposedly watchful gaze and find something to do that was not fawn over the Grisha and what they could do. It wasn't like she hated the Grisha. She just thought that they didn't need to be put on parade. There was no reason for them to be a sort of sideshow.

       Anastasia slipped out of the throne room of the little palace. The noise of the music and the endless chatter allowed for her to be silent, despite the harsh clicking noise of her heels on the tiled floors.

       She could not lose herself completely in the crowd. Others moved out of the way for her, occasional bows were thrown her way while others tried to speak with her about some piece of political jargon that she didn't particularly care about. She was certain that they were only speaking to her because they thought she had her father's ear. It would be quite a shock to them when they realized that she didn't. She had no say in anything political. She was not allowed in council meetings.

       All she was was the pretty princess. The one they could trade for marriage and gain political allies through. It was quite aggravating if anyone were to ask for her opinion. Which they more than likely wouldn't. No one ever did.

       She kept her head held high, her chin pointed just slightly to show she knew who she was and what power she held, as she walked down the hallways and through the crowds. She rounded a corner, her brow furrowing as she noticed something out of the ordinary.

       A man in a guard's uniform. A man that she did not recognize.

       Anastasia knew every guard in the palaces. She had trained with much of them under Nikolai's orders. They had treated her with respect and constantly allowed her to win while also ignoring her horrid aim. Seeing someone new at the winter fete? That was quite unlikely.

       "Excuse me," her voice was soft, barely carrying above the noise of the music and idle chatter. Yet, anyone who knew the royal family would have stopped at her voice. The man kept walking for two steps before realizing his mistake.

       Something was very wrong in the Little Palace. None of the guards should have continued walking. Not even the freshest of faces would have made that mistake.

       She could tell that the man was cursing his mistake as he turned on his heel. There was a look in his eye. A glint of rage, of anxiety even. She would never wish to be the one that rage was directed against. His blue eyes seemed to stare into her soul, drowning her as though it were the depths of the sea or the Fold. His cheekbones were high, sharp enough that they might cut her if she were to touch them.

       She ignored the thundering in her chest, her four-eighths time had become a sixteenth. Fast, quick, ready to jump into her throat.

       The fact that his rage soon melted into the look of one of a new recruit did not help. His features still made him deadly, despite the innocence that he had schooled into his features. Anastasia was someone who wore a mask every day of her life. She had gotten rather good at figuring out who was faking things. She had found different ways to discern who wore a mask and who wore their true face. It was normally in the eyes, in the quirk of their lips, the slightest motion of the eyebrows. There was always a tell.

       It didn't matter who wore the mask.

       "Your Highness," he bowed somewhat awkwardly. It was almost as though there was something wrong with him. Like he had been hurt before or like he found it difficult to bow before anyone. Perhaps he thought himself a king in his own right. "May I help you?"

       His Ravakan was somewhat harsh, the syllables not coming out as easily as they would for a native speaker. She didn't think that was a warning sign. If they had needed more guards, they would have looked to recent immigrants. They'd be too happy to work for the palace and send money back to their families. She just wondered where exactly he was from. The accent didn't seem to be anywhere she could place.

       It was too prim for Kerch and too gentle for Fjerda. Maybe he was from Novi Zem, but he didn't have the air. She figured she would find out later. Now was not the time to question anything as simple as where his accent stemmed from. That would be a conversation for later.

       "You're new," she said as she stepped forward. She did not step close enough to be within his personal bubble, just enough so that he could hear her without straining himself. "I haven't seen you on the grounds before." She had not sparred with him before. It was just improper for her to say so with the entirety of the court present.

       He cleared his throat once, as though he was unsure how to approach her. Or maybe just the topic at hand.

       ”They’ve had me preparing for tonight for the last few weeks,” he said it casually, as though it were nothing but the truth. It should have been. No one would have been fool enough to break into the palaces on the one night when everyone was on high alert.

       At least, that’s what they had all been led to believe.  There was no telling if this was the truth or not. No telling if they were actually safe or if they were all just pawns in someone’s chess game.

       Anastasia was prone to believing one over the other.

       ”I see,” her eyes blazed as she looked at him, not daring to back down from his soulful gaze. “Well, in any case, I like to be well acquainted with my guards, Mr?”

       ”Vanzin,” he said quickly. He no longer looked nervous, the name fell smoothly from his lips. “Nikolai Vanzin.”

       ”Nikolai?”

       ”My mother thought it would be lucky to name me after a prince,” his cheeks heated slightly, enough to make her believe the excuse.

       ”Very well then, Mr. Vanzin. I will see you later then.”

       “I’ll be here all night, Your Highness.”

       A small smile crossed Anastasia’s lips at that, a gleam in her eye that had nothing to do with mischief and everything to do with the new handsome guard. “I expect to see you on the training field tomorrow.” She did not wait for his answer as she turned away.

       Anastasia did not notice the scowl that crossed Vanzin’s face, nor did she notice as he slipped unnoticed into the crowd. Vanzin soon becoming nothing more than a ghost.

       A ghost who went by the name of Kaz Brekker.

#six of crows #shadow and bone #grishaverse #kaz brekker #kaz x oc #mobster x princess #kaz x princess #kaz steals an emerald #nikolai lantsov #lantsov emerald #vasily lantsov #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #grisha netflix #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone fanfiction #i'm not sorry #brought over from my quotev

[tsukidrama]

i’m glad you could have your weekend off! i hope you had some rest :)

i’m really happy we agree so much on yelena! but also thank you for making me discover her more it’s been really interesting to talk about her!

same for zeke, season 4 managed to make me forget about what he did to erwin but it still happened and i never thought i’d cry for a man until he died. i was very sad but also kinda mad for feeling so devastated about a man lmao.

i’ve seen more lara tybur works lately, even a nsfw alphabet and honestly she DESERVES, if you ever write for her again i’ll gladly read it!!

i (re)read some of your annie fics today and she really is one of the best aot characters, i can’t believe i didn’t care about her at first. i thought she was so cold (partly because of the dub version of my country) and before knowing more about her and how marley works i really was mad at her for killing all these people but context is very important in her story. anyways i read your post rumbling headcanons and it’s so SOFT, annie really deserves it after everything she had to go through, especially since she thought she was gonna die at a really young age, she can fully enjoy her life now. i am also a big supporter of lesbian annie, i don’t like her with men and annie x armin makes me uncomfortable for some reason, people ship it because armin kept visiting her when she was in her crystal but it was him being obsessed while she couldn’t do anything and i don’t really see how it’s supposed to be romantic? so yeah i really don’t like that ship but if i have to be honest i don’t really like either of armin, eren or mikasa. all the side characters are so great and so interesting that the main ones can seem boring at times.

i’ve also read the great hair massacre of 857 and please it was so sweet and funny!! the whole conversation was already funny but then “There you go saying that gay shit again…” actually made me laugh out loud askljldfijdf. the dialogue in this fic was really great, it seemed so natural!! i really love seeing that side of annie, thank you for blessing us with that content! she was so in character too, the reference to her relationship with her dad was subtle but very welcomed, her tearing up after saying “i left” made my heart clench, her relationship with her father is very complex and you wrote it well!

after reading i got curious and wanted to see annie with actual bangs (apart from that flashback we got in season 4) and i couldn’t find anything, i really wish i could draw rn. oh and both the headcanons and the fic being in canon made me so happy too!! i know i’ve already said it but it’s so rare reading aot stuff in canon i really cherish canon fics when i find them! (that being said, I absolutely love your AUs, i guess i’m just a big fan of your writing!!)

annie kinda feels underrated sometimes which is weird because she seems present in a lot of fics and fanart but she doesn’t seem to have that many fans? especially compared to some others. she 100% deserves more love.

-j

you're so sweet 🥺 thank you. i've been a bit sick lately (chronic illness so nothing out of the ordinary unfortunately) so i'm definitely getting lots of rest!

of course! like i said it is ALWAYS my pleasure to spread the love for yelena. i told you i could make you like her 👀 i didn't even mean to get into her as much as i have but she's so interesting and hot. i'm glad you leaded up liking her!

I WILL NEVER FORGET AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE! i cry about Erwin on a regular basis. i've always felt really strongly about his character and i feel his loss all the time in the final arcs of the story, every time hanji and levi are without him 💔 if there's any man worth making an exception for it's Erwin, that man chugs his respect women juice.

oh fuck yeah! good, it definitely is what she deserves. now i'm gonna go scour the lara tybur tag...

pppffft i was in the opposite situation - i loved her before i knew shit about her character and then felt like a traitor when i pieced together who she was and what she had done.... not sure when you got into snk but i watched season 1 the year it came out and kept up with it so i've really felt every cliffhanger in my bones. i started reading the manga after season 2 aired. my point is that i loved her through Annie all along with her flaws from the beginning, and i've never thought she was "good" per se but it's also obvious that she's affected by what she's done. i always figured there was more to her story than we knew; her reactions, the way she cries over the dead, and the fact that she gives up on her mission that's literally her purpose in life all indicate remorse beyond just regretting being caught. even way back in the day i was like: SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE DOING THIS!! IM TELLING YOU! my brother would constantly be telling me to shut up slksajdfkj but in the end i was right! i just didn't realize that pretty much ALL of the warriors didn't want to be doing what they did, or how complex it all was. she really does deserve a peaceful life being able to do what she wants. i used to cry about her having to die at age 24 a lot, so the ending taking away the titan curse is just about the only part of the ending i vibe with.

yep, same. i absolutely despise that ship-that-must-not-be-named, in my opinion it's a disgrace for both of their characters, but especially hers. it's really creepy, i agree. i don't blame Annie, being in a crystal with only annoying ass people talking to you for 4 years just left her a little confused. armin is gay anyway, i literally just block ppl who post about the ship. i love Mikasa but the other two i agree are pretty crap characters overall.

heheh well there are the manga caps from 139 but it'll be a while before we have her bangs animated. i'm actually so proud of how the great hair massacre turned out, it was such a sweet and goofy story that shows the lighter part of Annie's personality. eee thank you as always and i'm especially happy you mentioned the dialogue! and how it felt natural, that's such a reassuring compliment ❤ and for the bit about her dad. i feel like i'm the only person who likes him alkjdfalksjd i know he's an asshole and he messed up bad but he does really care about Annie and he's important to her therefore her is important to me. can u tell that i have parents-in-law?

i agree! a lot of people seem to either have the attitude of "o yea she's pretty cool i guess" or the full on EVIL MALICIOUS BITCH!! SHE KILLED LEVI SQUAD REMEMBER THE YOYO! i will eternally point out the hypocrisy - Reiner and Zeke do just as bad and worse as she does but the fandom doesn't hate on them. whatever, i'm happy in my bubble over here!

#one time i got hate from an a/ru/an/i shipper telling me to go fuck myself with my faggot fantasies or something like that #and i was like hmm sounds nice will do. and tbh it is i highly recommend coming over here and joining me #j anon #tsuki answers #annie-isms #long post

[daybreak-academy-fanfic]

Daybreak Academy: Chapter 33

Side By Side

Summary: In which Ephemer and Anora reenact the finale of Kingdom Hearts 1. Word Count: 1,713 First | Previous | Next ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆

Even though Ms. April Tremaine had devoted over 20 years of her life in music theory, she had never, ever, gained an appreciation for theater.

Okay, that could have been a bit of an exaggeration. She might have had a general, well-rounded appreciation for showtunes. But other than that? She despised every aspect of acting. She was incredibly lucky that the students at Daybreak Academy knew how to act. As in, theatrically, and not in mild mannered conduct. Sitting through each of their skits was another battle though.

It didn't quite help that Annie had fallen asleep on her five minutes ago. Her arm was starting to go numb.

“Last call for auditions!” April called out. Annie stirred slightly but didn't wake up. “If you want it, move your butt on stage and start acting already!”

“Wait for me!” a voice shouted. April tried to turn around to see the silver haired headmasters' pet racing up the aisle.

“Well, hurry up then!” she said to him, gesturing at the stage. Ephemer gave a quick bow on his way past her before getting up on stage. He looked around the room, as if expecting to see someone, before turning his attention to the musical director. April gave him a bemused raise of her eyebrow.

“Alright Ephemer,” she said in a tone meant to humor him. “Hit me with your best 'Alas poor Yorick' and make it count- I've got a date this afternoon.”

A gleam in Ephemer's eye illustrated that he knew just who asked April out on that date. So, without any further instruction, the boy took a small breath out and started to recite a small portion of Hamlet. April had to admit that his cadence was incredibly certain- each word coming out purposefully and emotionally. He spoke clearly too- an impressive feat when he wasn't using a microphone to amplify his voice.

“Not bad.” April nodded. “Would you mind coming back for callbacks on Wednesday?”

The boy gave a wide grin as he gave a firm nod. “You bet!” he more than happily agreed.

“Whelp, I guess that's it then.” April announced, not that anyone else was really in the auditorium now. “See you on Wednesday.” And with that, Ms. April gently shook her daughter awake, collected their things, and soundly left the auditorium.

Ephemer remained up on stage for a few moments, scanning the rows of empty seats for a certain someone. He frowned when he didn't immediately see her. The boy got down from the stage and started to look through the rows himself. It took awhile, but he found Anora sitting in one of the back rows; her face unreadable as she looked down at the floor. If Ephemer had to guess, he would have assumed that she was resting.

The boy jogged over to the row and stood at the end.

“Hey Anora.” he smiled, but it didn't earn any reaction from her. A shot of worry coursed through Ephemer in her silence. So, without saying a word, he made his way over and took a seat next to her. He looked at Anora expectantly, but she still didn't seem to acknowledge him, so he also looked down at the ground.

After a few still moments, Anora finally told him, “You're late.”

“I know, I know.” he immediately apologized. “Did you audition?”

But Anora shook her head. Seeing it made Ephemer's heart leap into his throat.

“You waited for me?”

Shyly, Anora looked down at the floor and gave a small nod.

“Too many people...”

“And it's because it's something new, right?”

Anora gave another nod of agreement. Ephemer looked her over- lightly biting his lower lip as he thought something over.

Without warning, he took Anora by the hand and started to drag her onto the stage. He didn't let go until they were up on the stage itself. Anora gave Ephemer a wary glance before she looked out to the seating area. That was when she almost froze in place as she stared out to the rows and rows of empty seats. Never before had Anora felt so small. The lights above the seats were out, and the stage itself had only one buzzing light above them still on. Suddenly, the world outside felt far too big to handle. Anora was snapped out of her trance with Ephemer placing a soft hand on her shoulder.

“Pretty scary, isn't it?”

Anora looked to Ephemer, her eyes giving away her sudden fear well enough. Ephemer looked her over for a moment before removing his hand. Curious, Anora watched as he took a place at the center of the stage. He closed his eyes for a moment, clearing his thoughts, before he opened them up again.

In a clear, concise voice, he started to monologue; “I've been having these weird thoughts lately. Like… is any of this for real, or not? I can feel- no, hear, my heart beat in my chest. When I open my eyes, I see nothing but a dark abyss. As I fall in this abyss, I slowly start to see water bubbles, floating all around me, until I realize that I'm submerged underwater. I continue to fall; falling close, closer, and close still to a white, almost blinding, light. This light… it's warm, as if it contains all of the world's hearts within. But there is also something wrong with this light. A darkness, maybe. As I reach out toward the light, I suddenly wake up, standing on the same beach I've known my entire life.”

Ephemer's shoulder's relaxed when he finished. He turned his attention back to Anora with a light grin. “Sound familiar?”

Anora gave a shy nod. It was the opening of a popular video game- she wasn't that big of a fan, but could recognize a few lines from it if someone happened to mention them. As she tried to remember the name of the game, Ephemer offered out his hand to her.

“Even if we're apart,” he said to her- reciting the game once more, but saying it far too casually for Anora to realize it right away, “We're not alone anymore. Right?”

The girl bit her lip in thought. She moved a bit closer to him. “I can't help?” she asked, her voice sounding a bit too hopeful. Ephemer smiled- either from acting the role or from genuine happiness that she was going along with him.

“You'd kinda be in my way.” he replied with a roll of his shoulder.

This time, Anora smiled as well, taking another step toward Ephemer. “Okay.” she mused. “You win.” And with that, she clapped her hand into his. The two then proceeded to reenact other scenes from the game that they could easily remember. It all culminated to the two holding hands, slowly walking away from each other as if something else were separating them.

“I'll come back to you!” Ephemer declared to Anora, his voice sounding hopeful but his face showing nothing but pure amusement. “I promise!”

Anora tried hard to hide her smile as she said back, “I know you will!” and with that, the two let go of their hands. The two playfully stared at each other in a mock longing, still slowly backing away from each other, before starting to dissolve into a flurry of giggles.

“There's a song that plays during this part.” Ephemer told her. “I don't know if you know it or not, but it goes like this,” (the boy cleared his throat a bit before carefully starting to sing) “You're giving me, too many things, lately.”

“You're all I need.” Anora sang along. “You smiled at me, and said...”

“Don't get me wrong I love you,” the both of them then sang in unison, “But does that mean I have to meet your father? When we are older you'll understand, what I meant, when I said no. I don't think life is quite that simple!”

The two grinned at each other, going on with the song, not quite caring if they actually harmonized with each other or not. For the moment, as long as they knew, it was just them and they were having the time of their lives.

“Hold me; what ever lies beyond this mo-orning, is a little later on.”

“Regardless of warnings...”

“The future doesn't scare me at a-a-all!”

“Nothing's like before!” they both belted out together. They then looked at each other and shared another round of happy laughter.

“And just what do you two think you're doing?”

The two kids jumped in surprise before turning their attention to the new voice. It had been Ms. Tremaine- she must have forgotten something and was coming back for it.

“Ephemer, I already told you that callbacks were on Wednesday.” Ms. Tremaine smirked. She then looked at Anora and gave small nod. “It might do you well to be there too, Anora.”

The grin on Ephemer's face could not be stopped. “Are you serious?” he questioned with a giddy voice.

“As a heart attack.” the older teacher affirmed. “Now, get off my stage and go get some lunch.”

Ephemer happily gave the musical director a two finger salute as he declared, “Yes ma'am!” He then took Anora's hand and quickly dragged the two of them offstage. April shook her head and gave a small laugh at the duo. She knew good chemistry when she saw it, and those kids were truly something else.

“Callbacks!” Ephemer happily declared. “Who do you think you'll be cast as?”

To be honest, Anora hadn't even thought that far yet. The growling in her stomach was mostly preoccupying her thoughts- along with the nagging feeling that Ephemer was trying really hard not to hug her.

“Well,” Ephemer then mused, “Whatever we get cast as, I hope we get to do it side by side!”

Anora gave him a quizzical expression as she tried to study his. He was just too excited at the callbacks to even truly notice her. Eventually, despite herself, Anora shook her head- a small grin forming on her lips. She didn't know why Ephemer kept insisting that they do things together; a part of her was just glad to be included in anything. Besides, Ephemer made for some very excellent company.

#daybreak academy #chapter 33 #kingdom hearts fanfiction #Ephemer #April #Anora #Spring Play 2020 #Season 1

[bombshellsandbluebells]

1, 2, 3 and 5 for the female characters top fives?

Thank you!! Okay, listed in no particular order and with short rant included because I couldn’t help myself. So this is long, prepare yourself!

1 - Protagonists

Elizabeth Swann (Pirates of the Caribbean) - 

I love her so much. She’s so stubborn and won’t put up with anyone’s shit and is ruthless and is more of a pirate than Jack Sparrow. I love that she longed for the sea and learned about pirates in secret as a kid and then got her own ship and crew and became Pirate King!! And that her story was always about freedom and she got it in the end. I love that Elizabeth doesn’t wait around for Will to save her, but goes out and saves herself and makes her own destiny.

Tohru Honda (Fruits Basket) - 

Tohru’s proof that kind/compassionate characters are not boring or less complex. Tohru feels so real; the way she ignores her trauma and grief and hides her issues to try to always appear perfectly selfless and happy is so human and relatable and her journey is really, really interesting. She’s so kind but still has so much room to grow and I honestly see a lot of myself in her.

Emori (The 100) - 

I mean most of you already know how much I love Emori, but I LOVE EMORI. She’s such a fun, interesting, unique character with a really interesting backstory and unique challenges to face. I love how smart and manipulative and conniving she is. I love how she doesn’t know how to trust people and has to slowly learn how to be part of a group. I love how insanely loyal she is once she’s found that group. I love that being one part of a romance story didn’t fix all her issues, but finding community and acceptance helped her grow even further. I love that she still loves herself despite what society says about her. I love her look even if the shape and size of her tattoo keeps magically changing.

Annie Edison (Community) -

I love how Annie is ruthless, and I love how that contrasts with the sweet/innocent/naive stereotype she appears to be at first. The more you see of her the more you realize that Annie Edison will steamroller over literally anyone in her path to get what she wants, Jeff included. The hints we get about her backstory and family life are also really intersting, even if the show never really goes into it - probably because it wouldn’t really stay comedic. 

Lucretia (The Adventure Zone: Balance) - 

It is my mission to get more people to give TAZ a try. It has so many great characters and Lucretia is one of the best. She’s so complicated. Your outlook on her constantly changes. She goes from being a mentor archetype to possibly the antagonist to a tragic hero. She did something terrible to the main characters for good reason and you see the awful affects of it but it’s also made clear why she did it and just how awful she feels about it. She’s such a tragic character and every time I relisten my heart breaks for her more and I just love her. 

Also she has some amazing lines like “Hot diggity dog, that is a baller cookie” so how could you not love her.

2 - Villains

A.L.I.E. (The 100) - 

She’s probably my favorite villain ever. Every season I want them to bring her back. I’m still bummed s5 didn’t take the PERFECT opportunity they were given. She would be my one weakness to start watching the show again.

Azula (ATLA) - 

Azula’s far more threatening than Ozai ever is, and she’s so flawed in such interesting ways. One of my favorite moments of her is the scene where she says, “Are the tides the captain of this ship?” because at first it seems like such a badass, in-control moment, but it honestly reveals just how much Azula’s pride and arrogance hinder her. That’s such a foolish, reckless thing to think, that what you want is above the forces of nature, but Azula is foolish, prideful, and arrogant, even if she is incredibly talented and smart. I think it’s also really interesting how they parallel her decline with Zuko overcoming his trauma, because for most of the series it seemed that Azula only benefited from their upbringing, and then you realize she’s just as messed up from it, just in different ways.

Bellatrix LeStrange (Harry Potter) -

I don’t have a rant for her, she’s really not that complex, she’s just such a fun, terrifying villain and Helena Bohamn Carter plays her to perfection.

Dolores Umbridge (Harry Potter) -

I mean I don’t like her at ALL but we all collectively DESPISED her and that’s just proof of what a great villain she is. When she showed up again in Deathly Hollows I remember just feeling rage as I read it. I was like, her??? AGAIN???

Last one below the cut because major spoilers for Fruits Basket!!!

3 - Superheroes

Nebula (MCU) -

I really love her journey in the MCU from villain to hero. The best parts of Endgame were getting to see her find a group of her own that supported her and learn to have fun and smile.

Natasha Romanoff (MCU) - 

I don’t always love how the MCU handled her, but I do like the character the MCU ultimately created, if that makes sense. She’s snarky and kind of dorky and it’s such a contrast from the shallow femme fatale cliche she started as and is usually portrayed as. I love that we get to see some of her weaknesses and fears over the series. I think they screwed up with her narrative a LOT, but I still enjoy the character they ultimately created.

Pepper Potts (MCU) -

Badass business lady turned occasional badass superhero when her husband’s in trouble. I really love her visceral fear of the superhero business and her hatred of it for most of the movies. It makes sense and makes her human that she doesn’t just go along with it. 

Raven (Teen Titans) -

Raven was one of my favorite characters as a kid. Apparently I like characters who are isolated but crave community and slowly learn to love others and let that love and acceptance in, because that’s part of what I love about her. 

Carol Danvers (616) -

I don’t like Carol in the MCU because of writing/directing reasons, but I love Carol in the comics. I love her “fuck you” attitude that is so at odds with most superheroes and her stubborness and her tendency to punch first, talk later, even when it gets her into trouble. I love that she named her cat after Star Wars and makes really corny jokes.

5 - Queens/Empresses/Royalty

Apparently I don’t watch a lot of shows with queens/royalty, so I’m going to do a grab bag of five other great female characters that come to mind.

Aqua (Kingdom Hearts) -

KH isn’t great at handling it’s female characters, but she’s the one exception. She’s a keyblade master who tried to keep her friends safe and stop the main villain, and she failed! She sacrificed herself trying to save one of her friends, letting herself get trapped in the Realm of Darkness, and the tragic part is that she didn’t even save him. So then she wanders the RoD for 10+ years, alone, being haunted by her fears and doubts and regrets, slowly losing herself. She eventually gets saved and gets a happy ending, but the part of the series exploring her endless wandering is so interesting. She’s a protagonist of a series aimed for kids, but she fails, and she has flaws and doubts and she has parts of herself she doesn’t want to face, and she’s just cool.

Echo (The 100) -

Because I didn’t list her in protagonists. I really fell in love with Echo in s4 when we saw her internal struggle between what was right/just and what was required to protect her clan. She was a great antagonist because we still saw so much of her humanity and now she’s a great protagonist with flaws and desires and self-doubt. And she’s a badass.

Riza Hawkeye (Fullmetal Alchemist) -

Another really interesting, flawed, complex lady. Riza is a soldier who fought in war and her actions during it still haunt her and drive her to push for a better world and country, even if she fully expects and accepts that a better world will punish her for her actions. She’s so interesting.

Judy & Jen (Dead to Me) - 

They’re by no means favorite characters of all time, but I do really love both of these characters. They’re just well written and interesting and the conflict between them is really interesting and I just want to include them for being cool female characters.

Furiosa (Mad Max: Fury Road) - 

What an awesome character. Her design is cool. Her actress is amazing. Her risking her life to get the wives to safety is fantastic. The way the movie slowly humanizes her more and chips away at her harsh exterior to show the emotions underneath is so good. She’s got a disability and fights around it. She’s great.

Villains (Cont.) below the cut ; spoilers for Fruits Basket

Akito (Fruits Basket) -

I put this under the cut because people are just starting to get into Fruits Basket for the first time and the fact that Akito is even a woman is a major spoiler, because she was raised as male her entire life because she was head of the family. Akito is so unlikeable at first and so awful and manipulative. She takes joy in hurting other people. She has a hand in most of the other characters’ trauma. And then you start learning more and more about her and realize she’s a traumatized, lonely, hurt person and is lashing out. It doesn’t forgive what she’s done, but it humanizes her. She’s a great parallel of Tohru in that they went through very similar trauma and experiences but Tohru had a loving mother who taught her the importance of love and kindness and Akito’s mother was awful and abusive and she learned that the only thing that mattered was power and control. She’s a really interesting character and I honestly still don’t know to feel about her most of the time.

#ask game #thanks! #:)

[undomielles]

I was tagged by @frodoes!

Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

i’ll tag: uhhhhhhh 20 people? I don’t have that many friends @filmamir @ramainen-elvie @sora-the-world-eater @b-unsolved @harludo You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to

Last;

1. Drink: water!!! (I was choking)  2. Phone call: I hate phone calls so much I can’t remember I think it was last year 3. Text message: “UGH I know”  4. Song you listened to: “into the west” (annie lennox)  5. Time you cried: uhhhh listening to “into the west” (annie lennox)  6. Dated someone twice?: Never dated so… 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I kissed my dog when she was really dusty once 8. Been cheated on: can we stop talking about dating  9. Lost someone special: I lost my old dog and my guinea pig :(  10. Been depressed: Haven’t we all  11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i dont drink 

Fave colours;

12. The spectrum of blue 13. A really beautiful, glittery gold  14.  olive green 

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: Yeah!!!! 16. Fallen out of love: No, actually.  17. Laughed until you cried: Like every day  18. Found out someone was talking about you:  well no not really 19. Met someone who changed you: I MET CHRIS HADFIELD well I didn’t really meet him but I Saw him live and it changed me  20. Found out who your friends are: I’ve always known who my friends are!  21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: Facebook? idk her 

General;

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: srsly who’s this facebook girl 23. Do you have any pets: I currently have 1 dog, she’s a labradoodle and silly and I love her  24. Do you want to change your name: I really like my first name? I’m glad my parents named me that, it sounds nice and not too feminine, but I despise my last name with a passion. I can’t really change that though.  25. What did you do for your last birthday: I went to MEC and bought a TON of adventure clothing because I love that store  26. What time did you wake up today: 7 am which is not that early but. I hate any time before 9.  27. What were you doing at midnight last night: laying on my back in the dark having a midlife crisis 28. What is something you cant wait for: Going adventuring/birding to Costa Rica in march!! 30. What are you listening to right now: the sound of my brother hitting his keyboard really hard as he plays minecraft.  31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: UGH yes I really hate him he’s loud and annoying 32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: my brother playing minecraft  33. Most visited website: tumblr, thesaurus.com lol 34. Hair colour: Very intense red-blonde, it’s gotten more honey coloured over the years 35. Long or short hair: Long!!! I love my long hair but I’m probably going to chop it off one day 36. Do you have a crush on someone: jokingly but not really  37. What do you like about yourself: I get stuff done? Idk I’m a mess and procrastinate but I never fail to actually complete something  38. Want any piercings?: nononononono. They look really cool, but not for me.  39. Blood type: I should know this but I haven’t had a blood test in years  40. Nicknames: thankfully, none.  41. Relationship status: single 42. Zodiac: Capricorn (don’t associate me with them, I don’t believe in zodiacs)  43. Pronouns: she/her but they/them is fine too  44. Fave tv shows: Blue planet and planet earth II, anything attenborough  45. Tattoos: I would like a cool, small, symbolic one but I fear pain. And metal things.  46. Right or left handed: Right 47. Ever had surgery: no, I hope I never do.  48. Piercings: none!  49. Sport: I really hate team sports, but I like outdoor sports like hiking, biking, rock climbing, kayaking, etc 50. Vacation: Vacation? I don’t take vacations, I take adventures. Everywhere is next on my list.  51. Trainers: nike

More general;

52. Eating: Sushi! Rúllupylsa! my alltime fav is Vinarterta 53. Drinking: Water and smoothies 54. I’m about to watch: lord of the rings 55. Waiting for: graduation so I can get out of this small town garbage  56. Want: to travel the world!  57. Get married: I honestly have no idea 58. Career: I really should know by now but I kinda want to be a parks ranger? Maybe an artist, travel blogger, or adventure camp leader? Environmentalist? Orchestra member/composer? All sound good. 

Which is better;

59. Hugs or kisses: hugs hugs hugs  60. Lips or eye: eyeballs 61. Shorter or taller: It doesn’t matter 62. Older or younger: ^^^^ 63. Nice arms or stomach: yes 64. Hookup or relationship: why are there so many of these questions 65. Troublemaker or hesitant: honestly neither 

Have you ever;

66. Kissed a stranger: no 67. Drank hard liquor: no???!?! 68. Lost glasses: bitch yes 69. Turned someone down: yeah  70. Broken someones heart: I don’t know 72. Had your heart broken: yeah but not romantically 73. Been arrested: nope 74. Cried when someone died: yeah, carrie fisher 75. Fallen for a friend: no not really 

Do you believe in;

76. Yourself: I do in some ways!  77. Miracles: yeah I’m one of Those People 78. Love at first sight: Not really, but under certain circumstances possibly  79. Santa claus: I used to, and tbh I believed in Tolkien’s version lol 80. Angels: ofc I know them irl 

Other;

82. Best friend’s name: harley  83. Eye colour: a weird combo of blue/green/grey that is open to interpretation  84. Fave movie: Brother bear (2003)  85. Fave actor: oh there’s too many… but Billy Boyd is a sweetheart and absolute angel and I love him and I’ll have to go with that. 

#i was tagged #tag game! #erin speaks

[areallyyellowmango]

‘What if we happened to have Marcel and Porco join the 104th Cadet Corps instead of Reiner in the mission? How would be their relationship  with the other cadets?’

My friend asked me this at school yesterday and I couldn’t stop thinking and coming up with headcanons about it, and it turned out to be something very interesting to imagine (it kept my head in the clouds for  almost two hours of history class, so that’s pretty good already), so I’d like to share some of my thoughts and headcanons with you. This might be a little long, but feel free to read it if you’d like!

Eren: I can see Eren having a brotherly relationship with Marcel, for obvious reasons. Most part of the reliable and trustworthy, protective Reiner he looked up to during the cadet training was a projection of Marcel’s personality and soldier spirit. Eren would develop a bond with Marcel as close as he did to Reiner, if not more. Porco, on the other hand... I believe their relationship would be a mix of the initial Eren/Annie and Eren/Jean relationships. Porco’s got the sass on him whenever he wants it, and, much like Jean, he’d mock Eren’s “attempts to look tough”- except he actually knows what he’s talking about... Kind of. But, just like Annie, Porco is independent, skilled and strongwilled, and Eren could possibly look up to him in some way, as well as Porco could admire Eren’s conviction and determination. They’d both probably not let it show, though.

Armin: Armin would trust Marcel a lot, and Marcel would love spending some time with the blonde whenever he could. Armin would feel really comfortable around him, due simply to the fact that, even though he’s strong and skilled, he’s also really smart and not as reckless as some of the other cadets, so they’d discuss plans and tactics together. Also, Marcel would see in Armin the purity and innocence of a child he still carries inside him, and that would make him feel welcome in the boy’s presence. Porco would value Armin’s intelligence. Not only because of the tactics and how they turn out in the missions, but because he’d remember Pieck everytime Armin came up with a really clever observation, and something about that makes him feel a little happier. Other than that, they’d not have a much closer bond; they’d talk to each other only when necessary. However, they’d know they could count on each other on the battlefield, whenever necessary. Mikasa: It’s kinda hard to tell how Mikasa feels about Marcel. She’d probably value his skills and reliability, but would not trust him entirely to protect herself and Eren. Overall, he’d just be another good guy in the corps, just like the other ‘ok’ ones - the ones that don’t really bother her. Porco would not be part of this group. She’d despise him more every time he opened his mouth to laugh at Eren, and would love to kick his jaw broken. Porco wouldn’t be fond of her, either; he’d find her obssession for Eren disgusting. However, he’d admire her skills. I can see their relationship being somewhat alike the Mikasa/Annie rivalry relationship, except not as aggressive. Jean: Oh boy, this one would be kinda fun! At first, Jean would not miss a chance to get Porco on his nerves - and it would not be too hard. He’d make fun of everything, from his name to his pointy nose, and it would always end up in a fight, split by Marco and Marcel. They’d absolutely hate each other. However, sooner or later, they’d find out they had a lot in common - thanks to their respective dearest comrads. They’d still let their sass out on each other, and that’d probably be what brought them together the most. Many nights would be spent awake in the boys dorm with things such as laughing at Bertholdt’s weird sleeping positions and talking about girls. All in all, maybe a true friendship could be developed between those two. Marcel would be glad that his brother had finally found someone that he actually enjoyed hanging out with, other than him and Pieck, although he knew that it’d come to a bitter end sooner or later. Marco: Who doesn’t love Marco? He’d definetly be Marcel’s best friend and most trusted comrad, other than his brother. They’d get along exceptionally well, to the point in which Marcel would actually wish from the bottom of his heart he could save Marco from this hell in earth. Marco would be the one to trigger Marcel’s questioning on what he had been told his entire life, about the Walldians and their demonic nature. When Marco overheard their talk to Bertholdt and Annie about their plan, having to watch him be bitten right in half and killed made Marcel break out in tears. From that moment on, Porco would have to stay strong for his brother. This moment would change something deep inside Marcel. He’d still be kind and lovely, but he’d be hurt inside, and every second inside those walls pretending to be someone he really isn’t, deceiving those people and himself, would become a torture. Everything would just go downhill from this moment on.  Connie: Connie would be fond of both of them. He’d look up to their bravery and skills, as well as feel empathy for the brothers who had lost everyone and everything they had during the Wall Maria attack, and promised to stick together until the very end (or at least that would be the story they’d tell about their past). Connie would see them as the ‘cool kids’, and would always try to join them in training, dinner and in their night time talks. Marcel would like him a lot, and be totally flattered whenever he called him a model soldier. Porco would like him, too. He’d be go-to companion whenever Jean was busy, although he’d find the boy to be a slow-thinker sometimes, and that would bother him a bit when they talked. Sasha: If there’s a girl I can see developing a closer bond with Marcel, that’d be Sasha. Don’t know why, but my mind just keeps telling me she’d find him really cute. He wouldn’t mind sharing his dinner with her, and that would make her like him even more. Marcel would adore the way Sasha’s personality can suddenly change from a playful, distracted and completely relentless-when-hungry girl to a serious, brave, reliable soldier whenever one of her comrads or anyone else is in danger Also, Marcel would love her accent, and she’d blush intensely whenever he told her that, followed by a barely hearable “thank you...”. Porco would totally ship them, and call her ‘sister in law’ whenever he caught them talking and laughing together.  Christa/ Historia: Marcel would admire Christa’s compassion and kindness, and would never be surprised when she put someone else’s well being ahead of her own. They’d be good friends, and she’d be someone Marcel would love to protect, too. At first, Porco would find her excessive kindness stupid, and think she only did that to show off. However, it only took a little help during a mission and a sincere smile from the blonde for him to be sure she was some sort of goddess of love who came down to earth to share the word of kindness and forgiveness. Ymir: Let’s assume Ymir was still alive and in human form, and that she did not inherit the Jaw Titan, obviously. Porco would have a like/dislike relationship with her. Their personalities can be very similar, and it’s hard to tell which one of them packs the most irony and sass in their speech when they want to. It’s not very hard to imagine them arm wrestling during dinner time to put an end to a discussion about who is strongest, after a really long show-off session. I can see her making the same “gay radar” joke she made to Reiner to Porco as well, and receiving a similar answer. Marcel wouldn’t like her attitude towards others, but it’s not very different from what he’s used to hear from his own brother, so he’d learn to deal with it.  Last but not least, their warrior comrads, Bertholdt and Annie: Bert is clearly not as close to either of the brothers as he was to Reiner. He’d probably be even more silent and reserved to his own thoughts, as he wouldn’t feel as comfortable to share them. Also, with these two around, he’d most likely be left behind as they were in the spotlight; if that happened when only Reiner was around, that’d certainly happen with the Galliards. Marcel would occasionally ask him if there was something wrong and tell him to stay strong, but that wouldn’t matter too much for him. He just wants to get out of there as soon as possible and do what has to be done, before his feelings - towards the walldians he learned are actually people just like him, but he can’t protect because he has a duty to fulfill - get even more difficult to handle. Porco would be really annoyed by Bert’s evasive behaviour, and eventually come to him and say things like “Oi, what’s your problem? If we want to get out of here, we need to act like soldiers. Pull yourself together!”, but that would only make things more difficult.  Annie would still be, well... Annie. Except she’d trust Marcel much more than she trusts Reiner, and respect him much more too. She’d see him as a link that keeps the warriors together, and a ‘leader’ of some sort. Not that she’d be submissive to him or something like that, but she’d trust most of his tactics and respect his skills and strenght. Porco would behave a little differently when talking to Annie. He knew how strong she is, and would have a lot of respect for that, knowing his limits when confronting her. Because of that, she wouldn’t have anything against him, but still find him uncomfortably chatty sometimes. So these are some of my headcanons summed up. English is not my native language, so there might be a few grammar mistakes here and there, and I apologize for that. But anyway, thank you so much if you read it all the way down here, you deserve a cookie <3

#aot #snk #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan headcanons #aot headcanons #canonverse #headcanon #eren jaeger #armin arlert #mikasa ackerman #jean kirschstein #marco bodt #christa lenz #historia reiss #ymir #connie springer #sasha blouse #porco galliard #marcel galliard #bertholdt hoover #annie leonhardt #reiner braun #snk spoilers #so many tags omg #104th trainee corps

[bboiseux]

Twin Peaks: The Return Parts 17 and 18 First Impressions

Twin Peaks: The Return Parts 17 and 18 First Impressions I'm supposed to be working, but I cannot stop thinking about the end of The Return, so let's do this.

Note: This is based on a single viewing.  God knows, I'm not going to have a chance to do much in the way of a rewatch, as much as I would like to

tl;dr: The Return makes perfect sense, it just might not be the sense you want.

Background: I am a big fan of David Lynch's work.  But that doesn't mean I like all of his work.  I'm not actually much of a fan of the original Twin Peaks, but I love Fire Walk with Me.  Actively despise Wild at Heart, but have a soft spot for Inland Empire.  What I'm saying is that I admire Lynch's craft and much of what he does, but that doesn't mean I like everything that he produced.

What I admire in Lynch is his ability to create very specific experiences in the viewer, explore theme as the main point of his films, and create an engaging narrative.  His films are at their best when they do all three of these things cohesively.  I think he succeeded at this in Eraserhead, Fire Walk with Me, Mulholland Dr, and Inland Empire.  Eraserhead and Fire Walk with Me are probably the best.  Mulholland Dr is weaker, I think, because it prioritizes narrative over theme.  And Inland Empire is weaker because it prioritizes themes over narrative.

For the films I dislike, I'm just going to leave this here: I may be one of the few people who loves the work of Lynch and cannot stand Blue Velvet.

The Impression Parts 17 and 18 of The Return are the keys that tell you exactly what Lynch has been doing for the previous 16 hours.  After this first watch I am disappointed, unsurprised, and impressed.  I still love The Return.  It is an amazing 18 hours of television.  But I am also disappointed because until this point what had made it amazing was the way Lynch was merging narrative and theme.  And in 17 and, especially, 18, he pulls them apart.  It is unsurprising because Inland Empire (his most recent film work) is largely theme over narrative.  And it is impressive because I really do appreciate that he is willing to do this, even though it will alienate a large segment of his audience.

Random Thoughts:

First things first: For all that is can be alienating: 18 is a better overall hour of television than 17 because it is doing something very specific, while 17 (for the first half) is ticking off plot beats.

The most disappointing thing to me is the degree to which much of the narrative push of the season feels rushed through.  Although I had to laugh at Cooper not even really being the vehicle for the defeat of Mr. C (which is also thematically connected to everything that happens in the rest of 17 and 18).

I don't care if it was obviously what was going to happen, let's not have one of the few non-white people turn into a white person.

Damn, Julee Cruise did not get her day.  She is clearly just an insert and 17 and 18 are meant to just bleed without interruption into each other.  This leads into . . .

17 felt rough--like it was a bunch of pieces slammed together.  This started with . . .

The sloppiest bit of writing in the season: the Judy revelation that opens the episode.

17 may be my least favorite episode of the season.

Thank goodness that sex scene happened.  When Diane was freed and kissed Cooper, I couldn't believe a show that was about sexual violence against women was ignoring her rape.  And then the sex scene happened and it showed that it wasn't ignoring it.  It was showing the consequences.

Analysis In my last post I said there were four main threads: Cooper/Mr. C; Sarah/Laura; Naido/Diane; and Audrey.  Well, turns out I was right and the narrative threads (Cooper/Mr. C and Naido/Diane) resolved about as expected.  Now the thematic threads (Sarah/Laura and Audrey) turned out to be the core of the thematic turn that started from the point Diane was awakened and ran to the end of the series.  Because they do not resolve as clear extensions of the narrative that has been set up, but create new narratives from the back half of 17 and all of 18, let's look at the meaning of these elements:

1)The central theme of Twin Peaks is sexual violence against women.  This is obscured in the original series, but made explicit in Fire Walk with Me.  This theme is heavily prevalent in The Return with multiple storylines involving violence against women and Mr. C/Bob continuing to sexually abuse women, including women central to Cooper's life.

2) Sarah and Laura appear to be opposing forces, but I think the truth is more complicated than that.  The scene of Sarah in the bar in 14 is both horrifying and set up as cathartic.  That guy was designed to represent a very specific form of threat to women and Sarah's killing him is satisfying.

I highly doubt that Sarah is the girl in Episode 8 because what we see in her in 14 is the source of the bug (what I believe is called Mother?)  @onceandfuturekiki posits that the girl is Cooper's mother and the bug produces Cooper.  I'm not entirely convinced, but it seems to fit what happens in 18.  This means

Laura is the solution to the evil that Bob represents.

Cooper comes from the same source as Bob.

Laura's death is what leads to the destruction of Bob.

3) Audrey and Cooper have always been in close parallel.  In the original series, this goes so far as to involve them both being essentially killed, but not killed at the end of the series, trapped in limbo, and getting crappy replacement romances (and I liked Annie!).  This parallel continues in The Return, which means that Audrey's story is thematically representative of Cooper's.  What we know:

Audrey is fixated on finding Billy

Audrey likes Billy more than Charlie (and is fucking Billy)

Audrey cannot leave her house

When she does leave she is pulled into a replaying of her past, until . . .

She is violently pulled into reality.

What parallels should we see in Cooper?

Cooper is fixiated on finding Laura (Leland tells him to do this in Ep 1/2 and it is repeated in 18).

??Cooper likes Laura more than ??? (and is fucking Laura?)??

Cooper cannot leave Dougie (Ep 3 through 15)

When he does leave he is pulled into a replaying of his past in Twin Peaks (ep 16 and 17), until . . .

He is violently pulled into another reality (ep 18).

Remember how we were told that Audrey would play a key part in the story?  This is it.  She unlocks the meaning of the entire season.  "What story is that?"

Let's deal with the odd point out first.  If there is a sexual element to Cooper's "finding Laura," then it supports the idea that Cooper comes from the same place as Bob.  I don't think this is supported by the series, but the parallel is there, so we need to pay attention to the possibility.

The rest of these parallels, however, are pretty obvious.  The most important is that replaying the past is bad and also impossible (again, @onceandfuturekiki has great posts on this).  Audrey's dance is both a "Yay!" and a "What?" moment that is violently interrupted by the reality of other people's concerns.  She awakens into a harsh reality that we do not really see nor understand.

Likewise, Cooper escapes from Dougie and immediately springs into the classic Twin Peaks action, but when he gets there the result is a combination of "Yay!" and "What?"  The resolution of the Cooper/Mr. C duality is overwhelming, violent, and confusing and only gets more confusing.  Finally, Cooper awakens into the world of Odessa that we spend the end of the series in.

4) The Audrey and Sarah/Laura themes align:

Cooper "Fire Walks" with Mike and is able to go back and try and stop Laura's murder.  This supports the idea that Cooper is of the Black Lodge.  For all that Mike is helpful, he is not benevelent.

During the Diane/Cooper sex scene, the most horrifying thing is Cooper's face, which is Mr. C's face.  We see here that Cooper and Mr. C are not distinct, that there are elements of Mr. C is Cooper.  (It could also be argued that this is just a representation of Diane's perspective in that scene.  I think both are true.  We also see this harsher side in Cooper's scenes from that point on.)  This also supports the Black Lodge connection.

Cooper's success undoes the good that Laura's death creates, including the destruction of Bob.  By trying to change the past and eliminate the bad, Cooper destroys the good.  Both sides are required.

As much as Sarah is darkness, she is also necessary.  Laura is seen in Ep 8 as a golden orb.  This is in opposition to Bob's dark orb, not Mother.

5) Mr. C is Cooper.  I was about to say that I think the greatest weakness of The Return is that we do not get the darkness in Cooper seeded in the season, but that's wrong.  That is the whole point of Mr. C.  Remember, Mr. C is not Bob.  He is the darkness in Cooper with Bob.  We have spent the entire season watching the potential cruelty and violence in Cooper and in 18 we see the goodness of Cooper combined with that cruelty and violence.  Watch the diner scene.  Watch Cooper's interactions with Carrie.  He is driven by good, but his empathy, his connection to others, is gone.

Conclusion

This is all the meaning I can work out right now.  I would have preferred that the end of The Return be more narratively coherent with the threads that were set up earlier, but it is certainly thematically coherent and the deeper I think about it, the more it makes sense.  This is Lynch, the theme is always the driving force of what he is doing, that is always the level of coherence.  Sometimes it leads to satisfying narratives, other times not, but he certainly made something that works here.

Twin Peaks: The Return is fantastic.  It is flawed, it is aggravating at times, but it is also surprising and inspiring.  For every frustration there is a great reward.  I hope to be able to watch it again, although I suspect it will be in the distant future.

#twin peaks #twin peaks spoilers #tw spoilers

[bmwiid]

It’s not even that Bitty doesn’t think he’s cute, because plenty of people think Bitty is cute. Hell, he’s got a vlog - over half his audience call him ‘adorable’ and the rest use words like ‘nice boy’ and ‘such a sweetheart’ 

He carefully retakes, crops and filters his selfies so that he (and whomever he is with) always look their best, and he is aware that he’s got a great body - he has to, what with the hockey and all. 

Not that anyone would know about the great body though, because it’s not like anyone has ever made a damn move to get their hands on it. 

Or so he thinks.

“Jesus christ, Brendon, just ask him the fuck out already.” Toby hisses as the football team stop to watch Bitty jog past with the rest of the hockey team. It’s the same time each day during the hockey season, and there isn’t a sporting team on campus who isn’t aware of exactly the time that speedy number 15 jogs past the lake in those tight *short* shorts. It’s not even fair, because Brendon now knows that his name is Richard Eric Bittle and his dad’s a freaking coach, which means that there is a really good chance that Eric knows about football. It’s not that he was stalking him or anything - not like the losers on the LAX team did. All Brendon had to do was look at his friends list, find Justin and then look at *his* friends. That wasn’t stalking. 

There had been a picture of Bitty at a football game back down south. Holding a beer and looking good enough to eat, “Game day with coach!” and well - it hadn’t taken him too long to work out that coach was Eric's dad and... and... 

“Are you going to ask him out or not?” Steve asks, watching the Hockey team jog past. “Because you might be captain an all, but I saw him first an we’re both good southern boys an-”

“You’re from Carolina.” Toby scoffs. “He probably would hate your guts.”

“I bet he doesn’t hate anyone.” Archie murmurs. “I bet.” His voice is a little dreamy, and Brendon wants to smack every single one of them. He’s about to tell them so, but then his eye gets caught by...

“Aww here we fuckin’ go.”

-

The LAX team hate the Hockey team. It’s a time honoured, universal thing. Neither side really remember, or care, what started it, but if Chad has anything to do with it, it’s over. It was over the moment he saw Eric Bittle walk up to the Haus with the rest of the freshers. He’d walked into a tree, and he was gonna get ripped for it, before Chaddy saw what had grabbed his attention so hard.

Now they were glaring at the fucking football team because fuck sake, they didn’t manage to get to the green on time and those fuckers had the prime spot. A nice bit of flat where they could ‘practice’ - but also directly in the middle of the circular route that the Hockey team took. Which meant, of course...

“Jesus, he’s got his fade back.” Chaddy whimpers and three heads snap around to watch as Eric jogs away. He keeps up with the rest of the overgrown man-children on his team, even though he’s by far the smaller, and more compact, with that tight little butt that Chad has a list of things he’d like to bounce off it just to see if it was as toned as it looked. He’s seen Eric in the shortest shorts known to man (living so close to the Haus was worth it) and he’s seen Eric dance at the kitchen window and... shit but that boy can move. 

“You think I could convince Whiskers to give me his number?” Chadders sighs, sounding a little too lost in his own daydream about Eric for Chads liking. 

“Don’t even try it,” Chad warns, “He’ll tell the rest of the fucking team and then we’ll never get anywhere.” He looks over at the football team who are back to half heartedly tossing a ball back and forth in the prime spot - waiting for the second circuit, no doubt, when...

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

-

“Shit, we missed the first round!” Josh whined, looking at the too small forms of the Hockey team as they disappeared around the bend of the lake. “He looks so good in the first round.”

“I like it when he’s glowing. Third. Fourth, if that captain of theirs is really pushing it.” 

The Samwell men's volleyball team nodded. They didn’t need the prime spot that the football team had obviously managed to snag before the LAX boys showed up - they had an in that they weren’t afraid to use. The Samwell Ladies Volleyball Team. Notably, Farmer and March. They were invited to every Haus party and therefor the mens team could easily tag along. Which they did. Because even Kevin (the only straight guy on the team) understood that Bitty was something special - and the food... god, the food. They were lucky that the LAX team were so hated, because they had a prime location right across the damn street from the Haus, and that would be hard to combat should one of them actually manage to get Bitty alone.

And that was the problem.

Bitty was never freaking alone. How was a guy supposed to ask him out when it was impossible to get him alone?

He walked to classes with Ransom & Holster, he got coffee with Jack, or Cait - he studied with the team in the library, he sat in the quad with Larissa and Chowder - or he was in the Haus. With everyone else. And then, of course, he’d gone to screw with that fucking asshole.

-

If there was one team that was hated beyond a shadow of a doubt by any of the wide variety of athletes at Samwell - it was the Rugby Team. They were openly despised by the football team, who referred to them as ‘cheap imitation footballers’ which normally ended up in a fistfight that never seemed to have a clear winner, but at least it normally always result in that fucking asshole getting a black eye. 

The LAX team ‘accidently’ pelted them with balls if they were within 100 yards of their practice space - or the prime spot on the green - and weirdly enough, that fucking asshole was always the one who would limp away. It gave the swimteam no end of joy - they weren’t really in a position to do much except glare.

Because that fucking asshole had a chance. He had a chance with Eric. And he fucked it up. Eric was actually going to start dating. Dating people! Opening the doors to dating other people who weren’t that fucking asshole. 

And then, at Annie's, in full view of the Samwell Dance Troupe, he’d tried to kiss Eric waaaaay before Eric was giving off ‘kiss me’ signals and fucked it up for the rest of the desperately thirsty gay men of Samwell. 

Because Eric hadn’t dated anyone since - and even Justin and Adam had stopped trying to set him up - limiting the chances of anyone getting near enough to even ask. 

Not that people had stopped trying - but it was... awkward.... when you’d just managed to get enough courage to walk up to Eric, say hi - even - and then suddenly be face-to-face with Samwells Most Beautiful Hockey Captain. No one was really able to work up the nerve when Jack was around. Why would Bitty even look at them with that ass in the immediate vicinity?

The only good thing was that in a few weeks, Jack was graduating. 

Oh happy, happy days! 

#check please #omgcheckplease #eric bittle #ficlet

[readbookywooks]

16 "Always." In the twilight of morphling, Peeta whispers the word and I go searching for him. It's a gauzy, violet-tinted world, with no hard edges, and many places to hide. I push through cloud banks, follow faint tracks, catch the scent of cinnamon, of dill. Once I feel his hand on my cheek and try to trap it, but it dissolves like mist through my fingers. When I finally begin to surface into the sterile hospital room in 13, I remember. I was under the influence of sleep syrup. My heel had been injured after I'd climbed out on a branch over the electric fence and dropped back into 12. Peeta had put me to bed and I had asked him to stay with me as I was drifting off. He had whispered something I couldn't quite catch. But some part of my brain had trapped his single word of reply and let it swim up through my dreams to taunt me now. "Always." Morphling dulls the extremes of all emotions, so instead of a stab of sorrow, I merely feel emptiness. A hollow of dead brush where flowers used to bloom. Unfortunately, there's not enough of the drug left in my veins for me to ignore the pain in the left side of my body. That's where the bullet hit. My hands fumble over the thick bandages encasing my ribs and I wonder what I'm still doing here. It wasn't him, the man kneeling before me on the square, the burned one from the Nut. He didn't pull the trigger. It was someone farther back in the crowd. There was less a sense of penetration than the feeling that I'd been struck with a sledgehammer. Everything after the moment of impact is confusion riddled with gunfire. I try to sit up, but the only thing I manage is a moan. The white curtain that divides my bed from the next patient's whips back, and Johanna Mason stares down at me. At first I feel threatened, because she attacked me in the arena. I have to remind myself that she did it to save my life. It was part of the rebel plot. But still, that doesn't mean she doesn't despise me. Maybe her treatment of me was all an act for the Capitol? "I'm alive," I say rustily. "No kidding, brainless." Johanna walks over and plunks down on my bed, sending spikes of pain shooting across my chest. When she grins at my discomfort, I know we're not in for some warm reunion scene. "Still a little sore?" With an expert hand, she quickly detaches the morphling drip from my arm and plugs it into a socket taped into the crook of her own. "They started cutting back my supply a few days ago. Afraid I'm going to turn into one of those freaks from Six. I've had to borrow from you when the coast was clear. Didn't think you'd mind." Mind? How can I mind when she was almost tortured to death by Snow after the Quarter Quell? I have no right to mind, and she knows it. Johanna sighs as the morphling enters her bloodstream. "Maybe they were onto something in Six. Drug yourself out and paint flowers on your body. Not such a bad life. Seemed happier than the rest of us, anyway." In the weeks since I left 13, she's gained some weight back. A soft down of hair has sprouted on her shaved head, helping to hide some of the scars. But if she's siphoning off my morphling, she's struggling. "They've got this head doctor who comes around every day. Supposed to be helping me recover. Like some guy who's spent his life in this rabbit warren's going to fix me up. Complete idiot. At least twenty times a session he reminds me that I'm totally safe." I manage a smile. It's a truly stupid thing to say, especially to a victor. As if such a state of being ever existed, anywhere, for anyone. "How about you, Mockingjay? You feel totally safe?" "Oh, yeah. Right up until I got shot," I say. "Please. That bullet never even touched you. Cinna saw to that," she says. I think of the layers of protective armor in my Mockingjay outfit. But the pain came from somewhere. "Broken ribs?" "Not even. Bruised pretty good. The impact ruptured your spleen. They couldn't repair it." She gives a dismissive wave of her hand. "Don't worry, you don't need one. And if you did, they'd find you one, wouldn't they? It's everybody's job to keep you alive." "Is that why you hate me?" I ask. "Partly," she admits. "Jealousy is certainly involved. I also think you're a little hard to swallow. With your tacky romantic drama and your defender-of-the-helpless act. Only it isn't an act, which makes you more unbearable. Please feel free to take this personally." "You should have been the Mockingjay. No one would've had to feed you lines," I say. "True. But no one likes me," she tells me. "They trusted you, though. To get me out," I remind her. "And they're afraid of you." "Here, maybe. In the Capitol, you're the one they're scared of now." Gale appears in the doorway, and Johanna neatly unhooks herself and reattaches me to the morphling drip. "Your cousin's not afraid of me," she says confidentially. She scoots off my bed and crosses to the door, nudging Gale's leg with her hip as she passes him. "Are you, gorgeous?" We can hear her laughter as she disappears down the hall. I raise my eyebrows at him as he takes my hand. "Terrified," he mouths. I laugh, but it turns into a wince. "Easy." He strokes my face as the pain ebbs. "You've got to stop running straight into trouble." "I know. But someone blew up a mountain," I answer. Instead of pulling back, he leans in closer, searching my face. "You think I'm heartless." "I know you're not. But I won't tell you it's okay," I say. Now he draws back, almost impatiently. "Katniss, what difference is there, really, between crushing our enemy in a mine or blowing them out of the sky with one of Beetee's arrows? The result is the same." "I don't know. We were under attack in Eight, for one thing. The hospital was under attack," I say. "Yes, and those hoverplanes came from District Two," he says. "So, by taking them out, we prevented further attacks." "But that kind of thinking...you could turn it into an argument for killing anyone at any time. You could justify sending kids into the Hunger Games to prevent the districts from getting out of line," I say. "I don't buy that," he tells me. "I do," I reply. "It must be those trips to the arena." "Fine. We know how to disagree," he says. "We always have. Maybe it's good. Between you and me, we've got District Two now." "Really?" For a moment a feeling of triumph flares up inside me. Then I think about the people on the square. "Was there fighting after I was shot?" "Not much. The workers from the Nut turned on the Capitol soldiers. The rebels just sat by and watched," he says. "Actually, the whole country just sat by and watched." "Well, that's what they do best," I say. You'd think that losing a major organ would entitle you to lie around a few weeks, but for some reason, my doctors want me up and moving almost immediately. Even with the morphling, the internal pain's severe the first few days, but then it slacks off considerably. The soreness from the bruised ribs, however, promises to hang on for a while. I begin to resent Johanna dipping into my morphling supply, but I still let her take whatever she likes. Rumors of my death have been running rampant, so they send in the team to film me in my hospital bed. I show off my stitches and impressive bruising and congratulate the districts on their successful battle for unity. Then I warn the Capitol to expect us soon. As part of my rehabilitation, I take short walks aboveground each day. One afternoon, Plutarch joins me and gives me an update on our current situation. Now that District 2 has allied with us, the rebels are taking a breather from the war to regroup. Fortifying supply lines, seeing to the wounded, reorganizing their troops. The Capitol, like 13 during the Dark Days, finds itself completely cut off from outside help as it holds the threat of nuclear attack over its enemies. Unlike 13, the Capitol is not in a position to reinvent itself and become self-sufficient. "Oh, the city might be able to scrape along for a while," says Plutarch. "Certainly, there are emergency supplies stockpiled. But the significant difference between Thirteen and the Capitol are the expectations of the populace. Thirteen was used to hardship, whereas in the Capitol, all they've known is Panem et Circenses." "What's that?" I recognizePanem , of course, but the rest is nonsense. "It's a saying from thousands of years ago, written in a language called Latin about a place called Rome," he explains. "Panem et Circensestranslates into 'Bread and Circuses.' The writer was saying that in return for full bellies and entertainment, his people had given up their political responsibilities and therefore their power." I think about the Capitol. The excess of food. And the ultimate entertainment. The Hunger Games. "So that's what the districts are for. To provide the bread and circuses." "Yes. And as long as that kept rolling in, the Capitol could control its little empire. Right now, it can provide neither, at least at the standard the people are accustomed to," says Plutarch. "We have the food and I'm about to orchestrate an entertainment propo that's sure to be popular. After all, everybody loves a wedding." I freeze in my tracks, sick at the idea of what he's suggesting. Somehow staging some perverse wedding between Peeta and me. I haven't been able to face that one-way glass since I've been back and, at my own request, only get updates about Peeta's condition from Haymitch. He speaks very little about it. Different techniques are being tried. There will never truly be a way to cure him. And now they want me to marry Peeta for a propo? Plutarch rushes to reassure me. "Oh, no, Katniss. Not your wedding. Finnick and Annie's. All you need to do is show up and pretend to be happy for them." "That's one of the few things I won't have to pretend, Plutarch," I tell him. The next few days bring a flurry of activity as the event is planned. The differences between the Capitol and 13 are thrown into sharp relief by the event. When Coin says "wedding," she means two people signing a piece of paper and being assigned a new compartment. Plutarch means hundreds of people dressed in finery at a three-day celebration. It's amusing to watch them haggle over the details. Plutarch has to fight for every guest, every musical note. After Coin vetoes a dinner, entertainment, and alcohol, Plutarch yells, "What's the point of the propo if no one's having any fun!" It's hard to put a Gamemaker on a budget. But even a quiet celebration causes a stir in 13, where they seem to have no holidays at all. When it's announced that children are wanted to sing District 4's wedding song, practically every kid shows up. There's no shortage of volunteers to help make decorations. In the dining hall, people chat excitedly about the event. Maybe it's more than the festivities. Maybe it's that we are all so starved for something good to happen that we want to be part of it. It would explain why - when Plutarch has a fit over what the bride will wear - I volunteer to take Annie back to my house in 12, where Cinna left a variety of evening clothes in a big storage closet downstairs. All of the wedding gowns he designed for me went back to the Capitol, but there are some dresses I wore on the Victory Tour. I'm a little leery about being with Annie since all I really know about her is that Finnick loves her and everybody thinks she's mad. On the hovercraft ride, I decide she's less mad than unstable. She laughs at odd places in the conversation or drops out of it distractedly. Those green eyes fixate on a point with such intensity that you find yourself trying to make out what she sees in the empty air. Sometimes, for no reason, she presses both her hands over her ears as if to block out a painful sound. All right, she's strange, but if Finnick loves her, that's good enough for me. I got permission for my prep team to come along, so I'm relieved of having to make any fashion decisions. When I open the closet, we all fall silent because Cinna's presence is so strong in the flow of the fabrics. Then Octavia drops to her knees, rubs the hem of a skirt against her cheek, and bursts into tears. "It's been so long," she gasps, "since I've seen anything pretty." Despite reservations on Coin's side that it's too extravagant, and on Plutarch's side that it's too drab, the wedding is a smash hit. The three hundred lucky guests culled from 13 and the many refugees wear their everyday clothes, the decorations are made from autumn foliage, the music is provided by a choir of children accompanied by the lone fiddler who made it out of 12 with his instrument. So it's simple, frugal by the Capitol's standards. It doesn't matter because nothing can compete with the beauty of the couple. It isn't about their borrowed finery - Annie wears a green silk dress I wore in 5, Finnick one of Peeta's suits that they altered - although the clothes are striking. Who can look past the radiant faces of two people for whom this day was once a virtual impossibility? Dalton, the cattle guy from 10, conducts the ceremony, since it's similar to the one used in his district. But there are unique touches of District 4. A net woven from long grass that covers the couple during their vows, the touching of each other's lips with salt water, and the ancient wedding song, which likens marriage to a sea voyage. No, I don't have to pretend to be happy for them. After the kiss that seals the union, the cheers, and a toast with apple cider, the fiddler strikes up a tune that turns every head from 12. We may have been the smallest, poorest district in Panem, but we know how to dance. Nothing has been officially scheduled at this point, but Plutarch, who's calling the propo from the control room, must have his fingers crossed. Sure enough, Greasy Sae grabs Gale by the hand and pulls him into the center of the floor and faces off with him. People pour in to join them, forming two long lines. And the dancing begins. I'm standing off to the side, clapping to the rhythm, when a bony hand pinches me above the elbow. Johanna scowls at me. "Are you going to miss the chance to let Snow see you dancing?" She's right. What could spell victory louder than a happy Mockingjay twirling around to music? I find Prim in the crowd. Since winter evenings gave us a lot of time to practice, we're actually pretty good partners. I brush off her concerns about my ribs, and we take our places in the line. It hurts, but the satisfaction of having Snow watch me dance with my little sister reduces other feelings to dust. Dancing transforms us. We teach the steps to the District 13 guests. Insist on a special number for the bride and groom. Join hands and make a giant, spinning circle where people show off their footwork. Nothing silly, joyful, or fun has happened in so long. This could go on all night if not for the last event planned in Plutarch's propo. One I hadn't heard about, but then it was meant to be a surprise. Four people wheel out a huge wedding cake from a side room. Most of the guests back up, making way for this rarity, this dazzling creation with blue-green, white-tipped icing waves swimming with fish and sailboats, seals and sea flowers. But I push my way through the crowd to confirm what I knew at first sight. As surely as the embroidery stitches in Annie's gown were done by Cinna's hand, the frosted flowers on the cake were done by Peeta's. This may seem like a small thing, but it speaks volumes. Haymitch has been keeping a great deal from me. The boy I last saw, screaming his head off, trying to tear free of his restraints, could never have made this. Never have had the focus, kept his hands steady, designed something so perfect for Finnick and Annie. As if anticipating my reaction, Haymitch is at my side. "Let's you and me have a talk," he says. Out in the hall, away from the cameras, I ask, "What's happening to him?" Haymitch shakes his head. "I don't know. None of us knows. Sometimes he's almost rational, and then, for no reason, he goes off again. Doing the cake was a kind of therapy. He's been working on it for days. Watching him...he seemed almost like before." "So, he's got the run of the place?" I ask. The idea makes me nervous on about five different levels. "Oh, no. He frosted under heavy guard. He's still under lock and key. But I've talked to him," Haymitch says. "Face-to-face?" I ask. "And he didn't go nuts?" "No. Pretty angry with me, but for all the right reasons. Not telling him about the rebel plot and whatnot." Haymitch pauses a moment, as if deciding something. "He says he'd like to see you." I'm on a frosting sailboat, tossed around by blue-green waves, the deck shifting beneath my feet. My palms press into the wall to steady myself. This wasn't part of the plan. I wrote Peeta off in 2. Then I was to go to the Capitol, kill Snow, and get taken out myself. The gunshot was only a temporary setback. Never was I supposed to hear the wordsHe says he'd like to see you. But now that I have, there's no way to refuse. At midnight, I'm standing outside the door to his cell. Hospital room. We had to wait for Plutarch to finish getting his wedding footage, which, despite the lack of what he calls razzle-dazzle, he's pleased with. "The best thing about the Capitol basically ignoring Twelve all these years is that you people still have a little spontaneity. The audience eats that up. Like when Peeta announced he was in love with you or you did the trick with the berries. Makes for good television." I wish I could meet with Peeta privately. But the audience of doctors has assembled behind the one-way glass, clipboards ready, pens poised. When Haymitch gives me the okay in my earpiece, I slowly open the door. Those blue eyes lock on me instantly. He's got three restraints on each arm, and a tube that can dispense a knockout drug just in case he loses control. He doesn't fight to free himself, though, only observes me with the wary look of someone who still hasn't ruled out that he's in the presence of a mutt. I walk over until I'm standing about a yard from the bed. There's nothing to do with my hands, so I cross my arms protectively over my ribs before I speak. "Hey." "Hey," he responds. It's like his voice, almost his voice, except there's something new in it. An edge of suspicion and reproach. "Haymitch said you wanted to talk to me," I say. "Look at you, for starters." It's like he's waiting for me to transform into a hybrid drooling wolf right before his eyes. He stares so long I find myself casting furtive glances at the one-way glass, hoping for some direction from Haymitch, but my earpiece stays silent. "You're not very big, are you? Or particularly pretty?" I know he's been through hell and back, and yet somehow the observation rubs me the wrong way. "Well, you've looked better." Haymitch's advice to back off gets muffled by Peeta's laughter. "And not even remotely nice. To say that to me after all I've been through." "Yeah. We've all been through a lot. And you're the one who was known for being nice. Not me." I'm doing everything wrong. I don't know why I feel so defensive. He's been tortured! He's been hijacked! What's wrong with me? Suddenly, I think I might start screaming at him - I'm not even sure about what - so I decide to get out of there. "Look, I don't feel so well. Maybe I'll drop by tomorrow." I've just reached the door when his voice stops me. "Katniss. I remember about the bread." The bread. Our one moment of real connection before the Hunger Games. "They showed you the tape of me talking about it," I say. "No. Is there a tape of you talking about it? Why didn't the Capitol use it against me?" he asks. "I made it the day you were rescued," I answer. The pain in my chest wraps around my ribs like a vise. The dancing was a mistake. "So what do you remember?" "You. In the rain," he says softly. "Digging in our trash bins. Burning the bread. My mother hitting me. Taking the bread out for the pig but then giving it to you instead." "That's it. That's what happened," I say. "The next day, after school, I wanted to thank you. But I didn't know how." "We were outside at the end of the day. I tried to catch your eye. You looked away. And then...for some reason, I think you picked a dandelion." I nod. He does remember. I have never spoken about that moment aloud. "I must have loved you a lot." "You did." My voice catches and I pretend to cough. "And did you love me?" he asks. I keep my eyes on the tiled floor. "Everyone says I did. Everyone says that's why Snow had you tortured. To break me." "That's not an answer," he tells me. "I don't know what to think when they show me some of the tapes. In that first arena, it looked like you tried to kill me with those tracker jackers." "I was trying to kill all of you," I say. "You had me treed." "Later, there's a lot of kissing. Didn't seem very genuine on your part. Did you like kissing me?" he asks. "Sometimes," I admit. "You know people are watching us now?" "I know. What about Gale?" he continues. My anger's returning. I don't care about his recovery - this isn't the business of the people behind the glass. "He's not a bad kisser either," I say shortly. "And it was okay with both of us? You kissing the other?" he asks. "No. It wasn't okay with either of you. But I wasn't asking your permission," I tell him. Peeta laughs again, coldly, dismissively. "Well, you're a piece of work, aren't you?" Haymitch doesn't protest when I walk out. Down the hall. Through the beehive of compartments. Find a warm pipe to hide behind in a laundry room. It takes a long time before I get to the bottom of why I'm so upset. When I do, it's almost too mortifying to admit. All those months of taking it for granted that Peeta thought I was wonderful are over. Finally, he can see me for who I really am. Violent. Distrustful. Manipulative. Deadly. And I hate him for it.

#Mockingjay