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#because everything is f i n e
general-kalani · 5 days
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Some person: Hey can you babysit my kids from 7-(whenever)
Me: ok.
Me: Proceeds to get ready.
Them: Actually I found someone else I don't need you anymore.
Me:
Me:
Me: OH GLORY GLORY WHAT A HELLUVA WAY TO DIE-
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deus-ex-mona · 7 months
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watching people be blatantly wrong on main be l i k e
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thecluelessdoctor · 10 months
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oh my gosh,. My friend fucking sent Clownsuu a ask-request sorta deal, and somehow didn't see the fact he ISNT TAKING REQUESTS JESUS F A K. I'm absolutely doomed now. They did use Anon but like s t I l l
It's embarrassing as shit, even more so if it's actual answered holy FAK.
I like staying in the Shadows?!? Being noticed by someone I really look up to would be great and all, BUT NOT IN THAT WAY???? it's embarrassing number one, and number two, it's just w h y ;-;
Dw my friend got beat with a sketchbook for his stupidity.
I hope that Clownsuu just never sees it because Ehehehe, I would not be able to take that :D because even though the anon wasn't me, stuff like that puts people into a bad light I guess and that is like- horrifying. I much rather be unseen than be disliked when it comes to people I admire. Actually, just people in general! I just- AAAAAAAA *goes to die in a hole.*
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selffagellation · 1 year
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one thing about me is that i will never not be picky about which omni- people use in religion
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speedkeed · 2 years
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     me slapping my forehead as i begin my reply to @pompedia​ ‘s ask response: oooooh sonic’s demiromantic. okay that makes a lot of sense in hindsight.
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whimsigh · 7 months
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work is FINE and i like doing it but feeling like shit afterwords and having anxiety attacks as soon as the sun goes down is so
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fergus-cousland · 7 months
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none of you know the amount of Restraint i have shown in not buying a pink kettle
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leatherbookmark · 9 months
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all this time i've been covering my ears going LALALALALA pretending that ~virtual idols~ don't exist and this is what you do to me? and hongjoong and yunho? please never fucking do that again it's an insult to them and real life actual human idols in general
#not to mention that like... with the introduction of virtual idols who aren't REAL and don't have feelings... idols you can't hurt and whose#rights you don't have to respect... i don't know how korean kpop fans will react and i dearly hope the vr idol thing will flop hard but who#fucking knows with a/e/s/p/a being wildly popular#in recent years with the appearance of those apps that have you pay money to 'subscribe' to idols' posts or for a chance of them seeing and#replying to your message... as though the relationship between fans and idols wasn't already transactional as fuck. as if some fans#weren't already treating idols as vending machines for fanservice#NOW you're adding glorified 3d models who could technically do everything and work all day. i would love to be able to confidently say#it's not going to affect real idols' working conditions but i'm not that optimistic#not to mention that like... it's such an obvious cash grab/save move that i'm nauseous#japanese idol franchises at least have them be actual characters who interact with each other and have backstories. they exist WITHIN their#story. when i saw that fucking girls something thing he/ejin participated in i was so embarrassed because its like. oh shes from a planet#of mice and she dreams of building a second moon out of cheese. this kinda level shit. it's pathetic#and poor hongjoong and yunho have to fucking. michael jordan in space jam this shit when they just signed up to sing and dance#honest to god i hate it so much. i want to say make this shit FLOP but everyone said the same thing about n/f/ts and yet korea lived it for#like a year. headdesk as they used to say#shrimp thoughts#also they're just ugly.
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itsbecomeblue · 3 months
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band!ellie headcanons and smau
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sinopse: ellie williams is the lead singer in a band (+some texts with her). i lost the resquest im so sorry!
cw: nsfw after the texts with warning! swearing, ellie's a changed woman after you, reader works in a record store and ellie's a simp.
part 2
✮ is obviously in a band with dina and jesse.
✮ cat was in the band when they started too, but they had massive drama when she and ellie broke up. (they're on good terms now tho! trust)
✮ they had a phase where they acted like they were both dating dina...(they were in a love triangle).
✮ got matching flash tattoos on their very first serious show.
✮ is kind of a fuckgirl and looooves her fans iykwim.
“just until i find the wife.” that's her lame excuse.
✮ the type of girl to have groupies and sign their tits.
✮ mets you at the fucking record store where you work.
"is that you?" you gather the courage to ask about what she was buying and she smiles proudly.
"it's our debut album."
"oh! congrats." you sigh before lifting your head to continue.
"i bought one this morning when they came in, thought it looked cool." and she has to ask for your number because why the hell did that make her heart melt.
✮ you initiate your first kiss after your lunch date and she just looks like she's never kissed before (:o)… awh she was NOT ready.
✮ 3 dates in and she's inviting you to a local show, having you in the front line. eye contact goes insane...
✮ you notice the girls drooling over her and tbh you feel a bit insecure.
✮ they bite their tongue when ellie leans over to you at the edge of the stage, singing to you, fingers on your chin.
✮ but soon enough she's on tour, she's texting you less and you try to move on.
✮ and you're soooo wrong for that because she's just busy and thinking about you.
✮ always talking about you to dina and jesse.
“i need to get back to my girl.” she's so delusional too.
✮ she's instantly only focused on you, weirdly adding your name in every cover of romantic songs they do at rehearsal.
✮ the first thing she does when she's back is run to the record store.
“how was the tour?” you asked, she's leaning on the counter and you take a step back.
“i missed you.” and you're not even thinking anymore.
✮ she wastes no time asking you to be her girlfriend after you cuss her out because she was late to one of your dates (it's hot asf).
✮ never beating the u-haul lesbian allegations after that.
✮ she's soooo daddy upstage but you know she wants and NEEDS to be babied.
✮ you were so upset she had a show on your birthday, but she called you on stage and serenaded you as if she was justin bieber or sum… flowers and everything. (she sang “one less lonely girl”)
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her fr^
✮ when she's out and fans stop her… she's so sweet and attentive but she wouldn't want to be late to see you
“sorry girls, the wife is waiting i have to go.”
texts with band!ellie
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nsfw (cw: cunnilingus [e!receiving], strap on sex [r!receiving]. switch!ellie!!!!).
✮ absolutely loves good luck head when you're backstage.
“baby just needs some encouragement, am i right?” you ask softly between open mouthed kisses on her lower stomach and thighs. she nods. “yes… need your tongue.” she grunts, thrusting her hips. you start licking and kissing her slit and she can't help but grind against your tongue until she cums all over it.
✮ loves it when you ride her strap too, but she has to switch out and completely dick you down… with permission after not touching you for so long.
“please let me fuck that pussy.” she knows you're getting tired, since you didn't even slap her hand when she started rubbing your clit. “come on…” she spits down your clit. “tired, babe?” you nod breathlessly grinding on her lap. she fucks up into you “tell me i can fuck you…” but she's already doing it?? “f-fuck me, ellie.” and now she's grining and holding you flat. “damn, this pussy's split open.” as she bottoms that shit deep in you. she will fuck you stupid.
a/n: this is a lot but i enjoyed doing it... and.... my phone's charged!
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risuola · 3 months
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THANK YOU, MOM — F. READER x MEGUMI FUSHIGURO, who calls you mom for the first time
Megumi was used to handle things on his own, taking care of himself and barely asked for help, but this time he couldn’t deal with the damage alone and you were the first person he thought about.
cw: fluff, brief description of an injury, blood; reader is Satoru Gojo's wife — 1k words
a/n: I rarely write for Megumi in a sense of romantic topics, but I absolutely a d o r e the concept of him being Gojo's son. sorry not sorry, I'm in a desperate need for some fluffs
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Happiness. A state, that psychologists define as a subjective well-being that a person experience. Happiness is as fickle as the wind. It comes and goes, sometimes in a rush of joy and sometimes in a lull of melancholy. Sometimes it’s as simple as a hot cup of coffee or a kind word from a stranger, but true happiness is a feeling that you couldn’t describe, even if you’d try. The warm, comforting sensation in the pit of your stomach, as if everything in the world was right where it should be.
Up until that point, you thought you were in that specific state many times. When Satoru asked for your hand, you were happy. You’re almost ecstatic every time you see your students’ successes. You tend to be overjoyed by the littlest things and if anyone asked you if you ever felt happiness, you’d most likely say yes.
But that day you realized that you never had a chance to experience the true, heart-clenching, tear inducing happiness before. Though you had shed some tears when at the altar you were staring into those beautiful blue eyes of your now husband, but not even once before you had an urge to ugly cry because you were so happy. Not before Megumi called you mom.
It happened in the privacy of your home, late into the night, when after a mission particularly roughed him up, he showed up at your doorstep late at night. Once you swung the door open, the sight of his bloodied uniform and the red gushing out of a wound on the side of his stomach made you forget how to breathe, your heart skipped a beat and time seemed to fade away. Quickly you led him inside onto the couch and gathered supplies to aid him. He should go to Shoko, both of you knew it, but you were also able to use reversed curse technique to some extent.
“What happened?” You asked him, carefully taking off his uniform jacket and lifting his shirt to assess the damage. You knew he’ll make it, you knew you won’t let him go, and yet you felt the terror inside your veins when his pale skin was right in front of your eyes, stained in fresh blood.
“Just a scratch,” he mumbled, his voice was out of breath, it was saturated in pain that you knew he tried to hide with the soft shrug he did. “A curse was stronger than it was supposed to be, and uh…”
You were going to confront Satoru with that information. It wouldn’t be the first time he pushed his own mission onto his students. Tough love, as he used to call it, learning through challenge and it worked, mostly, but seeing your boy struggling still made your heart clench and your eyes swell with tears.
Megumi was used to handle things on his own, taking care of himself and barely asked for help, but this time he couldn’t deal with the damage alone and you were the first person he thought about. He had always thought of you as the strongest person he knew, even though you were a wife to Satoru Gojo, but to Megumi, it was you who had given him the closest thing he had ever had to a parent. He felt small and vulnerable, heavy underneath your gaze so full of love and concern that and at the same time, light as a feather because somehow, your soft voice and caring hands had the ability to take the weight of any burden off his shoulders. He sat still while your cursed energy was healing his injuries, silently admiring the effort and compassion.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” you sighed once the adrenaline in your system began to wear off. Megumi was fine. Injured, but fine, nothing threatened his life anymore. “I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you.”
“I’m okay,” he reassured, leaning his head back. The blood loss was getting to him, he was paler than usually, his forehead covered in sweat and he was panting slightly. Once done with the wound, you cleaned the blood as much as you could and quickly grabbed a clean, wet towel, a fresh t-shirt from Satoru’s closet and a blanket.
Sitting next to the boy, you pulled him gently onto yourself so he could lean against your chest, with the compress on his head and a cover over his body to keep him warm. Only then, feeling the steady beat of your heart and the warmth around him, he began to relax.
That was something Megumi remembered from his youngest years. When Satoru took him and his sister underneath his wing, you were there also and as much as Gojo had no paternal instincts towards them, you were always full of love. Countless times he was falling asleep cuddled to you, you were the safest place on earth for him and even now, as he’s already almost an adult, your embrace is something he’s always happy to come back to. Though he wouldn’t say it out loud, of course. But now, he could feel his body releasing the tension, his fight-or-flight mode slowly turning off because there was no need for him to stay alarmed when you were next to him. When your arms were around him, protecting him from the world itself. And hence why his mouth formulated these words without him thinking much of it.
“Thank you, mom.” Oh. The word left his mouth despite the fear he felt. Megumi had always been afraid to call you his mother, even though he thought of you as such. He was worried it would feel too close, too intimate and though he wished to let you know how much you meant to him, he was worried you’ll get angry. He realized what he said when it was already too late. “I’m s-sorr—”
“Don’t thank me, Megumi,” you cut his apologies, gently tightening the hug. You couldn’t describe the way you felt in this moment. It was such a simple thing, but it meant everything to you. That had to be the real happiness. “I'm always here for you, whenever you need me. And I love you too, you know?”
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blorbfoosh · 1 month
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Stop KOSA.
I know, I don't this stuff, but I keep on seeing this everywhere and not gonna lie, it's f r e a k i n g me out. I think we all know what KOSA is at this point, it's a bill that will restrict almost everything that we know in this time.(if passed, of course.) Information that will help our queer friends, help us express ourselves, and just genuinely know more about the world, gone. I just don't get it. It's the twentieth century, people can date the same gender or not have to choose at all. Everything can and will happen. So why hold on to the past, where everything has to be black and white? Why keep holding this gate closed? Free will, free speech- It exists. Hell, America's literally called 'The Land of the Free.' Act on it. Passing KOSA won't keep us safe. If a five-year-old can cuss, that's on the parent for not monitoring them. The internet is a vast place with it's ups and downs, and just because some little down might affect you does not mean you have to stomp all pissy on our lawns and subsequently ruin what we take joy in. The U.S. does not own the whole internet, it's all over the world. We've got one more day. So spread the word. Get this trending. Reblog it. Just- Do whatever you can. I don't want this bill passed just as much as the others who've reacted to other posts. The toll it will take on the internet will be devestating- And I don't want to live in a future where all wells of knowledge are locked away. Speak up, speak out.
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kolsmikaelson · 5 months
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— MIKE SCHMIDT NSFW ALPHABET
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— a/n - like everyone else the josh hutcherson renaissance got me too and i’ve been obsessed with him and this was a product of that, hope you enjoy!
— warning(s) - 18+ mdni, somewhat implied afab!reader, not proofread
join my taglist or follow @rodrickhefley to see when i post!
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A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
doesn’t know much about aftercare at the beginning of your relationship but a few months in you’ve figured out what works best for the both of you which is usually a warm washcloth some water and a sometimes a nice bath if you’re both up for it but if not cuddles it is
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
his arms and hands would probably be his favorite (because he knows how much you like them) and his favorite body part of yours would probably be your eyes
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
he’s gotten off multiple times just by pleasuring you, it could be him going down on you or fingering you or something else it doesn’t matter just making you feel good makes him feel good
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
has gotten turned on by the way that you take care of him so well, he’s always busy taking care of abby but who's there to take care of him?
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
he wasn’t a virgin when the two of you got together but he also wasn’t the most experienced. sure he’d fucked around some but he was always too busy
F = Favorite position ( goes without saying)
anything where he can see your face clearly so he can see how good he can make you feel and so that he can kiss you easier
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
he doesn’t try to be goofy but in the beginning he was more often than not
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
not super groomed but not incredibly messy either, again something you helped him figure out because it was something he didn’t care about before you
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
so sweet and giving and loving. he’s always making sure you’re alright, makes sure you remember the safe word you put in place before anything really starts, checks on you throughout the entire thing no matter what
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
used to jack off because it was all he had the time for until he met you and there still isn't always a lot of time for anything more but you have no issue helping him out
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
mommy kink, spit (giving or receiving but mostly receiving), praise (giving and receiving)
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
his room or the shower mostly because of the privacy it gives you but he’s brought you to the pizzeria once of twice for some fun
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
genuinely everything about you gets him going it’s so easy to rile him up
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
nothing too dark, no bodily fluids (minus spit and cum)
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
loves giving but loves receiving more
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
really depends. sometimes it’s fast and needy and messy other times it’s soft and slow and incredibly intimate
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
loves taking his time but quickies are all you two have time for more often than not, whether it be in the mornings in bed before you get up for the day or right before a date night that rare time vanessa is able to watch abby for a couple of hours
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
yes and no. depending on what it is he’s hesitant because he’s nervous of hurting you
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
judging by how little he sleeps, probably 2, 3 if you're lucky. if you want more then you’ll have to wait a little while
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
he owns a few but he rarely uses any on himself he much prefers using a vibrator on you
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
doesn’t hate being teased but loves to be the one doing the teasing
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
oh he’s so loud, he’s whiny and is always whimpering
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
this wouldn’t happen often but one time after he sees the way you look at her, he asks if you’d want to have a threesome with vanessa. the two of them would be so focused on you and little to nothing would actually happen between them because all their attention is on you but vanessa ended up in your bed a few more times after that
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
he’s a bit above average but makes up for it in girth
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
so high after so long of just using his hand or a toy but it dies down a little bit after a few months
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
if it had been a particularly rough day he might fall asleep within the hour but i can see him still taking a while to fall asleep
© kolsmikaelson : please do not copy, repost, or modify any of my content.
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dividers made by : @.cafekitsune
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nor-4 · 5 months
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Nsfw Alphabet ft. Mike Schmidt
Bad writing
A = Aftercare
He got everything ready cause this boy don't know how strong he is especially if he fucks his frustration out so he gets every thing ready. He will definitely make you coffee or just get you some water is if you ask, then hug you until you guys fall asleep.
B = Body part
Although he loves every part of your body he has this favoritism for your thighs, like it's multipurpose he can hold it while fucking you on missionary andd can be a pillow when you guys go to picnic!
What he loves for him is his arms like something about it looks attractive for him, probably because you love to hold it and compliment it.
C = Cum
You can't tell me he don't cum a lot. Before bursting his seed he always ask where do you want it. If he's too lazy he'll just cum in your stomach. It's on his system to ask if it's hot or how does his seed feels.
D = Dirty secrets
To my previous headcannon, he wants to fuck the attitude out of you. Like it makes him feel cocky knowing he takes control. He wants to invite you to his work and fuck you in the table he doesn't know why but something about risking it turns him on.
E = Experience
Actually you both lost your virginity to each other. He isn't experienced but he knows everything about sex. He knows how to make you cum easily by just his fingers, this man doesn't joke when it comes to knowledge on sex. He can make your girl cum than your playboy ass
F = Favorite position
He lovesss missionary, he loves to see your face while fucking you. He loves kisses so.. Andd he loves back shot, he wants matching back tattoos with you it turns him on. Something about caressing your back makes him insane.
G = Goofy
Not really he's serious when it comes to making out. But sometimes he cracks a small joke when the mood get so tense up, he love it when he see you chuckle. Come on this man needs happiness in his life let him be.
H = Hair
Not that much hairy but he trims it when he thinks it needs a little bit of cutting. For you well he doesn't care about hair okay, it's natural if you want to keep it okay if your comfortable with it. He loves em bushes bae dw.
I = Intimacy
He loves to grip your hips or waist when he fuck you in missionary. This man fucks like there's no tomorrow he hugs your waist, he loves putting hickeys on you especially your breast. He is sooo good at praising like he coos in your ears on how he much loves you.
J = Jack off
Doesn't really have a time to do it. If he does he just imagines things with you. Just the thought of you turns him on. He does it too when you're not in the mood to do intimate things cause you know he doesn't wanna push you.
K = Kink
He's into edging he love to see you cry just because your orgasm is declined. He also loves size difference he can't believe the strength he has, he can fuck you in the wall nd he is still be surprised.
L = Location
Mostly on his bedroom because abby could be roaming around somewhere, well sometimes if abby's at school he loves to fuck you in the kitchen. He loves to eat you out at the kitchen it hits something for him.
M = Motivation
You. Everything bout you turns him on, especially when you motherly cares for abby. It's awaking something in him. He can be too distracted on his work and still think about fucking you. It's like a daily routine for him when he's bored.
N = No
Something that might hurt you, like he likes rough sex but not that rough like your about to scream from getting hurt. He don't like bdsm something about it turns him off plus he remembers all his trauma yk.
O = Oral
He is more on giving, but he loves to recieve like you giving him head. He still loves it when he is the one giving you head, something about you makes him addicted. Like he wants to drown from your pussy.
P = Pace
He's more on slow and gentle. If he's frustrated he fucks rough. His pace is up to the atmosphere, you have two boyfriend. One who make love to you touching caressing your body and praising you and one is fucking you like an animal. Sometimes he fucks you rough when he wants to sleep tightly.
Q = Quickie
Mehhh he doesn't really like quickie. He wants long sensual make out not like fucking you as if it's the end of the world. Plus it makes him want more.
R = Risk
If you just want it. But seeing someone watching him fuck you turns him on, it's like his adrenaline rush is rising. He just want to take the risk when he feels cocky.
S = Stamina
Can only go to 2 to 3 rounds because he's a beat up minimum wage worker who works 24/7 so he doesn't really have that much energy. But like i said when he's frustrated he can probably go for 5 rounds. If you can handle it.
T = Toys
I dont think he's really up to toys but a vibrator is enough. Since he loves edging he will probably have a vibrator especially those vibrator thay you put in your panty that can be controlled by phone. He will love those.
U = Unfair
He loves it when you beg for him. He can leave you without continuing your orgasm just for you to beg him. Sometimes when he is bored he tends to talk about how you are a mess for him.
V = Volume
He is whiny if you are the one who takes control. He is a bit vocal like he moans, but he often talk about how good you are for him.
W = Wild Card
He wants you to sit on his face. What if you crush him? He will be the happiest man alive. He wants you to dominate him especially when he is a whining mess, he just want to see you being a bossy then be a mess once you ride his dick.
X = X-ray
This man has a fat dick for aroundd 5'8 inches. Pretty pink mushroom tip. He's gifted i wanna rail him.
Z = Zzz
He's not a fast asleep he loves to spend the time with you. He only sleeps when you are already comfortable and clean. If he's tired he will fall asleep fast but he will do something for you tomorrow but tonight hug him to sleep.
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elusivemoon · 5 months
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⋆˙⟢ CONSTANT.
satoru spends decades loving you so much it makes you miserable.
f!reader ⊹ no curses au ⊹ angst. semi-fluff. smut. childhood enemies/friends to lovers to exes ⊹ 18+ brief smut. infidelity. satoru is a jerk who ruins everything ⊹ 4.8k.
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꒰ 𝐌𝐃𝐍𝐈 ! ꒱
certain things remain constant, never really changing at the core of their essence. they may shift, adopt new forms, or adapt to different circumstances, but their fundamental nature typically remains constant. and this is precisely how you would describe your connection with satoru.
seven.
you hate when your mom goes out of town. your dad never knows how to pack you a proper lunch. it’s never anything made with his own hands, and always a series of snacks stuffed into a cardboard box, called a lunch. being in second grade is hard.
from the never-ending class activities to the unappetizing lunch options, everything seems to be a constant struggle. but what makes it even harder is gojo satoru, who never fails to get on your last nerves. it seems like you can’t escape him, not even at home. monday through sunday. you never get a break from him. if he’s not pestering you in class, then he’s knocking at your front door to bother you at home.
and your mom always lets him in to play. you can’t ever understand why. you keep telling her playing with him isn’t any fun. he only likes video games and making a collection of random noises. he’s not exactly your idea of fun. on top of it all, he comes around just to be mean to you. he comes around just to make fun of your interests. today is no different. as you sit at the lunch table with your meager cardboard box, here he is, plopping himself across from you with his lunchbox. inwardly, you sigh. being in second grade is so hard. you can’t even just get up and leave. you can’t drive. you don’t have your bicycle with you. not to mention, you don’t know your way home at all yet. satoru smiles pleasantly at you. “hey, pea.” “…hi,” you reply suspiciously, wondering when the ‘brain’ would fall. he’s never blatantly nice to you. satoru makes a show of unpacking his lunch, which was obviously made with love by his mother. mrs. gojo is the sweetest. you aren’t sure how she ended up with such a demon for a son. the scent wafts from his food and makes your mouth water, bringing back now-somber memories of the days when your lunch was fresh and not boxed. you can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy as he comments on your snacks.
there’s nothing wrong with them for other children who prefer them, but they’re not for me.
“did your dad make your lunch again?” he asks, looking at the snacks you have spread out before you with his nose crinkled in disgust. “i think your dad doesn’t love you, pea brain. he doesn’t even want you to eat well.” groaning, your tiny fist hits the table. “can you shut up and go away?” “i’m just saying. he didn’t even pack you a juice box. all you have that’s good is pudding.” he notes. “ah, i’d hate to go home to parents who don’t love me. sorry, pea brain.” you pout, your lower lip jutting out pathetically. he’s right. at this point, all you can make of your dad’s lack of loving lunches is a lack of love. you look at him, tears gathering while his eyes widen, and lash out in pure frustration, face feeling hot. “you’re such a jerk. i hate you.” dramatically, you lay your head down on the table and sob because he’s right. your parents can’t possibly love you when they make you eat like this. “don’t cry, y/n.” he says sadly. “i was just joking.” “leave me alone.” your voice is muffled by your face being pressed and buried in your arms against the table. you hear a heavy sigh and then silence. you can feel the air get less annoying. he must have taken the hint and left you. so, you lift your head, sniffling and wiping at your eyes. right before you was a juice box and a little dish of pork belly he left behind just for you. and for some reason, the person you hate the most offering you this out of kindness makes you cry even harder. you hate him so much.
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ten.
you’ve never been in trouble before today. and of course, it’s today of all days, your own birthday. your school record thus far is squeaky clean. fifth grade is supposed to be easy, a prevalent marker of your growing maturity. here you are trying to convince your parents that it’s time for you to earn an allowance, but now? all your efforts are in vain. the unfortunate incident shatters the strength of your argument, leaving it in pieces. sitting uncomfortably in a plush chair within the cramped confines of the school director’s office, you can’t help but realize the gravity of the situation. you, who have always walked the straight and narrow path, are now branded as a criminal. and what is the cause of this sudden fall from grace? none other than gojo-freaking-satoru, the very embodiment of your misery, the source of your endless frustration.  god, he ruins everything. he constantly pesters you with not a single concern for your comfort or peace. no one does anything about the way he pokes and prods at you despite your repeated complaints. when you tell an authority figure, you keep receiving these smiles from all of them as if there’s some inherent fondness you’re somehow missing.
“he bothers you because he likes you.” the instructors always say. “he just wants your attention. he just wants to play with you.”
it doesn’t seem or feel like satoru cares about you at all. in fact, satoru’s behavior appears to be motivated solely by his desire to get a rise out of you. and yes, of course, you try to ignore him, but the strength of his obnoxiousness surpasses any and all capacity you contain for enduring his extended presence. it’s precisely this breaking point that leads you to the school director’s office today.
you yearn for him to leave you alone. you need him to leave you alone, but he won’t, and no one will make him because while you find his behavior to be frustrating and tiresome, the others seem to all find his lack of ability to respect a single one of your boundaries endearing.
as if.
driven to the brink of your sanity, you finally snap. you can no longer endure his constant intrusion on your personal time and invasion of your personal space; so you punched him in the nose and called him an awful bastard. now he sits across from you in the office with a smirk on his face and a napkin stuffed up his nostrils to stem the bleeding. the glint of amusement in his eyes causes you to snarl and glare at him, fueling your anger even more. “god, you’re the most annoying person i’ve ever met.” you spit, words dripping with disdain. his smirk becomes a thin, straight line. “shut up, pea brain.” “am i the pea brain?” you ask with a twinge of confusion in your voice as you fire back. “didn’t you get a measly 54% on our last english test? i got 92 so i don’t think it’s my brain that’s below average in size, mongrel.” satoru snorts. “yeah of course you did. all you do is study because you don’t have any friends. i wouldn’t brag about that.” your eyes narrow, your teeth grit and your fingers clench. “you look pathetic right now, getting beat up by a girl.” “hah!” he bursts sardonically. “i’d respond, but you don’t even look like a girl. you look more like a deformed troll. i’m so sorry, y/n. i just know that’s why suguru geto won’t give you the time of day. you’re just plain ugly.” that stops you. the words hang in the air, causing your chest to tighten, your breaths coming in rapid succession. just yesterday, you had mustered the courage to confess to geto that you thought he was cute. he rejected you sweetly but he still went off and told all of his friends about it like a jerk, and one of his friends just so happens to be the gargoyle sitting across from you with a smug expression etched across his face. but it’s not funny to you anymore. he’s just mean. he’s a bastard. a heartless jerk. he’s the worst person alive. your gaze drifts away, tears welling up, threatening to spill over. “you’re such a stupid jerk,” you manage to choke out, your voice laced with anger and hurt. “i’d rather be a jerk than an ugly troll no one wants.” his words hit you like a sharp blow, a sucker punch to the gut.
that’s it! i’ve had it. i’ve had it. i’ve had it!
approximately five minutes pass before a teacher finally hears satoru screaming for his life in pain only to find that you had dragged him to the floor, climbed on top of him, and are now relentlessly punching him in a wrathful frenzy. “you’re such a jerk!” you scream, your voice hoarse with fury and enraged fists landing wherever an opening was seen. “i hate you! i hate you i hate you i hate you!” satoru seethes underneath you, unable to remove himself from you, trying his best to shield his nose from being hit for going on the fourth time today. “i hate you more! stupid freak!”
some birthday.
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seventeen.
you hate the smell of cigarettes.
the pungency fills the air, making your nose scrunch up in disgust. you hate the way nicotine clings onto everything — fingertips, fabrics, and breaths. but most of all, you hate the way it always lingers on him, makes a home out of his skin. it’s as if the scent was a permanent part of him, clinging harder than you do. god, even at seventeen, you still can’t stand gojo satoru. he’s recklessness embodied and he’s an absolute gargoyle of a boy; yet, you find yourself inexplicably drawn to everything about him, much to your own dismay. your stomach churns as you plop down near him on his bed, your legs finding their way onto his lap. “it stinks,” you spit, wrinkling your nose at the offensive odor. “you stink.” he looks at you with an uncaring expression, a question in his eyes. “then leave, pea brain,” he taunts. “nobody invited you. you just tagged along.” you can feel his hands resting over your legs, keeping you there despite his words. rolling your eyes, you know he’s playing a game, acting like he won’t cup your face in his hands and press his lips against yours as soon as his friends leave. "if i leave now, i won’t be back. i have practice,” you warn him, your voice carrying a tone of caution. “ball’s in your court.” as his head turns to look at you, you can’t help but notice the plea in those pretty, cerulean doe eyes, begging you to stay just a little longer.
“hold on, pea. don’t leave. i haven’t gotten to kiss you yet.”
it makes you sick. sick. sick. sick. you let out a small hum, your eyes flickering up to meet his. “that’s what i thought. talk to me nicely.”  “never in your wildest dreams, pea brain.” he grumbles. “being awful to you is my brand, baby.” his use of the term “pea brain” still irritates you, but you can’t help the way your heart flutters when he occasionally calls you “baby” despite its lack of sincerity. you hate how you always give in to his crooked smile and his supple lips that seems to always beg for your attention.  just as you’re settling into a comfortable silence, his friend’s excited voice breaks through. “gojo, shit. gojo! you’ll never fucking guess who’s at the skate park right now.” his brows furrow together. “uh, who?” “shoko ieiri. you know. absolute smoke show? the girl you’ve been trying to get at for like 6 months? geto said she’s there asking about you, man!” your heart sinks as you hear him mention the name of a girl that satoru has been trying to pursue for months. you hate the way your chest tightens and aches, knowing that he’s ashamed to be open about his feelings for you. you hate that he sees other girls but still wants to kiss you, and you hate that you let him. you don’t even bother looking at him as he glances at you nervously, pretending like you didn’t hear. as they continue to talk about it, the hurt only grows. you watch as satoru blatantly decides to go with his friends to talk to her, and you can’t believe he has the audacity to ask if you want to come along. you sneer at him, removing your legs from his lap and standing up. “fuck off, satoru.” you snap, your tone laced with anger and hurt. "so i take it we’re done here?” he doesn’t even bother looking at you as he nods. “you’re such a fucking jerk.” you spit. “i fucking hate you.” with that, you storm out without another word. his friends are left dangerously confused, unaware that you and satoru have any kind of history. to everyone else, you’re just the annoying neighbor that he’s been putting up with since childhood. you can’t help but think back to when he was seven and too ashamed to be your friend genuinely, always mean to you at school but knocking on your door after. now, at seventeen, he’s too ashamed to ask you to be his girlfriend genuinely. he treats you like the rest of them. he says it’s different with you, but you now know most certainly that’s not the case at all. the tears start to fall once you’re home and you crawl into your bed, your head tucked into your arms. satoru leaves you crying once again, just like he always does. and then your phone buzzes.
satoru: you know it’s nothing pea.
satoru: you know i love you.
and for some reason, the person you hate the most finally confessing his love to you over a text message because he wouldn’t dare say it aloud makes you cry even harder. you hate him so much.
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twenty.
he didn’t officially ask for your night but he decidedly takes it for himself in the form of little kisses down your spine, loving touches, and a possessive grip of your hips. that’s him staking a claim on you. he can’t let you leave. it’s close to midnight and he wants to be first. he wants to come before any of the others. satoru wants to have his mouth hovering over yours and breathe his “happy birthday” right between your lips. you keep talking about going out and meeting up with your friends at a club. he obviously can’t go with you but he saw what you were planning on wearing and he sure as fuck isn’t letting any other man but himself see you in that. the thought of another person’s fingertips dancing up your thighs like his are right now sickens him. no, he didn’t ask for your night but you had to know as soon as you entered his apartment, your night became his. you had to know you’d be straddling his lap and rolling your hips over his. you had to know you’d be singing his name. any and all plans you had are pointless little ideas he won’t let you out of his grip long enough to follow through with. you both know you’d rather stay here and lick the quiet devotion off the surface of his lips. it’s all for you anyway. “you’re…not slick.” you moan in his ear, a hint of amusement laced with desire. “i know what you’re doing.” he hums in response, shamelessly unapologetic as his teeth graze against your neck, his nails leaving delicious imprints on your skin, and his hands guiding your movements up and down his length. he doesn’t care. you know it. he knows it. he knows you know what he’s doing. it’s not a deterrence. it’s not like you’re exactly fighting to waltz out the door. “so? you’re still here, aren’t you?” he breathes, a satisfied groan following. “fuck, just like that, baby.” you thread your fingers through the locks of his pristinely white hair, tugging on the tresses and pulling his head back to meet his eyes, his masochistic little moans falling from his mouth without warning. there’s a knot building in his stomach when you’re forcing him to look in your eyes while your hips swirl on him. he’s so fucking in love with you and the thought alone is about to send him spiralling into every ounce of pleasure you’ve been gathering up in him. “you talk way too much.” you retort. “you have fantastic dick, but you talk too fucking much.” it takes everything he has to remain quiet. his entire being is focused on this moment, feeling the way every single cell in his body flickers to life under your touch, in the arms of your mercy. the muscles in his groin tighten as he grasps your ass and tries to shove himself deeper into you. you purr in his ear, stuck in the center of your bliss, and slowly speed up your movements, raising yourself up slightly and lowering down again, making sure to sink as far onto him as you possibly can. he gasps for breath and thrusts his hips upward into you. he teeters closer and closer to the edge, his face flushed and a thin line of sweat building on his forehead; he clings to the anticipation of his descent. he’s so close to the precipice of pleasure that he can’t bear the thought of you stopping. desperation lacing his voice, he pleads. “shut me up, baby. please shut me up.” you always do. you have been for years.
it’s been your dynamic for all this time, the back-and-forth banter where you invariably have the last word. it’s a dance you both know well.
you always get the last word, don’t you?
tonight, he gets what he wants — he’s the first ‘happy birthday’ to fall on your ears, a dulcet little hymn of honeyed sighs and tender murmurs. when it’s over, the echoes of your intimate encounter linger right above you, and he lies there with your head resting on his chest — the same chest that currently erupts with warmth. his mind drifts back to the memory of your sixteenth birthday when he finally invited you into the secret haven of the tree house he and his dad built years ago. you’d been asking to come up and see the inside since he finished it at thirteen. he always said no, but that was a special day for both of you, so he asked if you wanted to hang out up there with him. he was shocked when you so easily agreed. it helped because he wanted to tell you he liked you, but instead, he just ended up kissing you for the first time. and thus, this intricate game of cat and mouse ensued with satoru playing for keeps but never playing fairly. “i’m still going out.” you declare as you both lay there. “i know you’re trying to keep me here, ‘toru, but it’s not going to work this time.” he exhales sharply, his frustration evident. “why? why won’t you just hang out here with me like you always do?” “because i want to go out, get drunk with my friends, and dance with someone who doesn’t mind being seen with me,” you retort, rolling your eyes in exasperation. “i’m sure you can understand.” his jaw ticks. now you’re just going out of your way to provoke and upset him. you came over, got what you wanted from him, and now you’re so blatantly going off to frolic around looking for another guy because you want some attention outside? he must mean absolutely nothing to you, and he feels utterly insignificant. he knows what you guys have is unorthodox, but he at least attempts to keep the other girls he’s involved with from intruding into your world. “why the fuck would i want to be with you when you look at me and say you need more attention right after i’ve spent the entire night catering to your every fucking whim?“ he explodes in anger. "but it doesn’t matter. if you’re so desperate to ride another guy’s dick, then go ahead, but get out of my face about us being public.” you look taken aback, a mixture of shock and speechlessness overtaking you. 
“satoru, i didn’t say anything about fucking anyone. i said i want to dance. people go out to do that, you know? except you and me. but i still want to do it and i won’t let you hold me back just because you’ve got some warped shame about us being together and other people knowing about it. i’ve told you countless times, and you still don’t fucking get it,” you continue, frustration evident in your voice. “i won’t wait for you. i care deeply for you, but i’m no longer putting my life on hold to entertain your uncertainty. i turned twenty, just now, and i’m done wasting my time. whenever you’re ready, truly ready, you know where to find me. but don’t be surprised if you take too long and someone else fills the spot by the time you make up your mind.” he hates that you say it because he knows it’s the truth. and he knows he would be devastated if you were to replace him, but he can’t. he can’t give you what you want, not right now. this realization fills him with a fit of seething anger, but his frustration always seems to be channelled outward, directed at you, his eyes fixated on your vulnerable form. “who the fuck would want to be with you and fill any empty slot in your life?” he retorts, his voice intentionally laced with venom. “there’s a reason you always come crawling back. so fuck off. hit me up when you’re ready.” his anger blazes, but in the depths of his belligerence, he acknowledges that it’s not really you.
he can never be mad at you, not truly. he loves you too much. “satoru, you gargoyle, i’ve had enough of you. you’re such a fucking jerk. all you ever do is lash out like a petulant child when you don’t get your way and you know what? i hate you. i really fucking hate you. i’m sick of you. you’re right. i will call you when i’m ready and don’t be fucking surprised if it’s not for a while, if ever.” inwardly he wants to say, “no, pea. please don’t leave. i love you. i just want you to stay. all of this is because i just want you to stay with me.”
but instead, he spits, “fuck you. i hate you, too.” you snort. “some fucking birthday. bye, satoru.” and with that, you turn away, leaving him there, grappling with his conflicting emotions and the sting of his own words.
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twenty-seven.
“pea, stop.” he begs. “please let me explain.” here you go again. you can’t help but feel a sense of deja vu. you should have known better than to let him back into your life. it’s a pattern that’s been repeating itself for the past twenty years. he’s always been drowning in shame and hiding your relationship, keeping it confined to quiet hotel rooms far away from prying eyes. it’s the same old story, except this time, you’ve found out that he’s not only been hiding your relationship but he’s also gotten married sometime in the last five years. and for the last three months, you’ve been [ unknowingly ] helping him cheat on his wife. you ran into him by pure chance. it was a one-in-a-million stroke of luck that you landed in the same aisle at the same grocery store at the same time. he had said it was meant to be. because that’s what you promised when you let him go five years prior at twenty-two. 
“at this point, there’s no way in hell i believe we’re meant to be. it would have to be some once-in-a-lifetime chance that even after cutting all fucking ties, we somehow end up back in front of each other. if that happens, then i promise you, i’ll fucking believe it. until then, get the fuck out of my life, satoru. i’m tired of you and all the shit you continuously put me through.”
well, it happened. you ended up back in front of each other. you kept your word. you believed it. you believed him. and now, here you are, caught in the same old cycle of hurt and betrayal. you can’t help but wonder if some things truly never change, no matter how hard you try. “are you married or not?” you ask harshly through your tears. you know the answer; you just want to know how much of a coward he truly is. “pea…baby…fuck.” he says, tears sliding down his cheeks. “it should have been you. i am married, but…it should have been you. i wasted a lot of fucking time. i don’t want to anymore. i didn’t tell you because the second i saw you again, i had full intention to leave her. pea, you have to believe me.”
that’s the problem.
you do believe him, and it makes it all worse. he’s talking to you like you should be grateful that he was willing to break an innocent woman’s spirit with no remorse for you, as if you should still harbor the capacity to trust him in spite of it all. your fists are pounding against his chest. your purse is swinging to relentlessly harm him, to give him all twenty years of the pain he’s caused you back. “you’re such a fucking jerk! god, i fucking hate you so fucking much! he sinks to his knees, sobbing, hugging your legs. “i love you. i’ve always loved you. even when i was terrorizing you in second fucking grade and every day on. baby, i love you.” it’s everything you’ve always wanted to hear from him. he just waited until you couldn’t love him openly anymore. a man who will betray his wife will betray anyone. not recklessness embodied, but selfishness. greed. and for some reason, the person you hate the most finally having the gall to love you openly but only after he knows he can’t anymore makes you cry even harder. you hate him so much.
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thirty.
three years. three long, agonizing years have passed since his world crumbled beneath his feet, the moment he lost you for good. he hasn’t spoken to you in a long time, in an eternity it feels like. you changed your number shortly after the night you discovered the truth — he was married and had been for two years, deceiving both you and his ex-wife with the other for three months. he deserves the life he’s living, cheap thrills and fleeting flings. he’ll never fall in love again. seated alone at the bar, his sanctuary away from work, his gaze fixated on the digital clock mounted on the wall, he clutches a miniature glass of top-shelf whiskey, the very brand that used to bring a smile to your face. he downs a swift shot, the fiery liquid scorching his throat, the burning sensation in his eyes mirroring the impending tears. satoru watches as 11:59 seamlessly transitions into midnight. “happy birthday, pea.” he mumbles to himself. a single tear escapes, a testament to his internal turmoil. he makes no attempt to brush it away. he misses you so fucking much. the depth of his longing resides right there in the cavern of his chest. every day of his existence, he yearns for you, his heartache a constant companion. he had you within his grasp, but he held onto you so dishonestly; it’s no wonder that you slipped through his fingers. he’s such a jerk. he’s well aware of his despicable nature—a jerk, just as you always claimed. he knows how much you despise him, a truth reinforced by your absence every single day, a constant reminder of his failures. he recalls vividly the last time he let you down on one of your birthdays, your twentieth to be exact, and the anguish that enveloped him as he witnessed the pain etched in your eyes before you silently slipped out of his apartment. “some fucking birthday,” he mutters, the words an echo of his remorse and regret.
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© 2023 elusivemoon. all rights reserved.
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sweet-as-an-angel · 1 year
Text
König x Petite Reader Headcanons
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Warnings: Non-Explicit Implications of Sexual Content, Petite Reader, Size Kink, Jealous König, Insecure König, Implied 141 x Reader, Petnames, No Pronouns used for Reader except ‘You’.
A/N: Forgot that I'd already written this once before, so here we are with more König x Petite Reader Headcanons ! Just see this as some extra content for our beloved König and his smol s/o <3
When it comes to you, this man is F E R A L
Genuinely cannot believe how perfect you are.
Constantly jokes about how he could fit you in the palm of his hand.
And once, to shut him up, you proved him right by sitting on his open hand when he wasn’t expecting it and gave him a smug look.
“There,” you said, folding your arms over your chest. “You can fit me in your palm.”
König tried not to think of how close he was to your special parts, how warm you felt on him.
He had to disappear to the bathroom for a few minutes afterwards, and when he returned, his face was flushed and he could barely look you in the eye.
He’s never been the same after that. Any trace of a size kink he had before has been amplified to such an extent that he’s taken to hiding your clothes so you’ll have to wear his.
And he just can’t keep his hands off you whenever you do.
“My my, Engel,” he says, one hand sliding around your waist and pulling you closer to him, the other drawing the hem of his shirt further and further up your thighs.
“What could you be hiding under here ?”
Calls you his Mini Maus.
“Because you’re just so tiny and precious !” he gushes.
And since you’re so small compared to him, he treats you as if you’re fragile, like an endangered species of flower.
Concerning intimacy at the beginning of your relationship, König was concerned that he was too big for you.
But, when you put his mind at ease (and challenge him) – “I bet I can take you, Köni~” – you’re in for it.
König’s fighting spirit won’t let you off easy.
When he’s feeling more dominant, he bunches your wrists into one of his hands while he sits on top of you, his other hand slipping beneath your (his) shirt and slithering round the band of your underwear.
“Pretty little thing,” he says, a dangerous smile at his lips. “All weak and defenseless.” He leans down, his eyes dark and wild. “Just for me.”
If you try to struggle (consensually), he’ll smack you through your underwear. And not gently, either.
“Don’t test me, Mini,” he says, his grip about your wrists tightening. “You don’t know what I’m like when I’m angry.”
He loooooves fitting his hands around your waist.
Especially when he finds that his hands wrap around your middle and his fingers touch.
Size kink: upgraded.
He gets lowkey jealous if you ask someone else to reach something for you.
Will sulk about it.
“I just don’t see why you had to ask Ghost to get it for you,” he’ll say, frowning as he lies in bed.
You sigh, putting your book down.
“König, you weren’t even here !” you say. “And I was starving !”
König knows he’s being unreasonable, but he can’t help but feel like he can be easily replaced.
Especially when he knows the rest of the 141 would gladly drop everything to be with you.
He’s not stupid, he’s seen the way they look at you.
A few minutes alone together and a kind word – “You’re so perfect, Köni~ My big, big boy,” – will set him straight.
Loves showing you off to his friends. His acquaintances aren’t safe, either.
He’ll stand you before him and show you off to his associates like: ”Look, this is my partner ! Aren’t they beautiful ?!”
So help him god if anyone tries to show you up or disagree.
You’ll never see them again.
And neither will anyone else.
König loves you more than life itself, and regardless of his insecurities or your unwavering ability to have anyone you could ever want, he’s glad you chose him <3
Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)
Masterlist Masterlist [Continued] Masterpost Modern Warfare AI Masterlist
AO3 Wattpad
5K notes · View notes
minki-moo · 7 months
Text
✧˚ ༘ ⋆。 ˚ 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙤𝙮𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙨 ✧˚ ༘ ⋆。 ˚
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a/n ♡ im a whore for friends to lovers so here you go <3
tags ♡ fluff, bf!chan, friends to lovers, smut, breeding, oral (m and f receiving), mentions of sub!chan, overstimulation, minor exhibitionism, aftercare rating ♡ e for explicit
best friend!chan who gives you wake up calls because he knows you sleep through your alarms
best friend!chan who brings you your favourite drink in the mornings before class
best friend!chan who drives you to school, singing along to his playlist
best friend!chan who looks picks you up whenever a date goes wrong
best friend!chan who comforts you when your boyfriend breaks up with you
best friend!chan who drops everything to pick you up when you're too drunk to go home by yourself
best friend!chan who's accepted that he'll forever be in the friendzone but it's ok because he still gets to be with you
"best friend!chan" who looks at you in shock when you when you confess your feelings for him
boyfriend!chan who remembers every milestone he's shared with you
boyfriend!chan who plans the cutest home dates because he knows you're too overwhelmed to go out sometimes
boyfriend!chan who writes songs about you, calling you his muse
boyfriend!chan who brings you soup and keeps you company when you're sick
boyfriend!chan who, after long days, comes over and naps in your arms
boyfriend!chan who's whole personality changes in the bedroom
boyfriend!chan who will turn you into an incoherent mess one day and will beg you to let him cum the next
boyfriend!chan who will finger you in traffic, not caring about who sees
boyfriend!chan who loves to see you ride him, not letting you stop even after you cum
boyfriend!chan who's obsessed with breeding you, fucking his cum deep inside you
boyfriend!chan who eats you out whenever he has the chance to, loving how your legs shake as he overstimulates you
boyfriend!chan who can't hold back his whimpers as you take his cock down your throat
boyfriend!chan who will whisper how good you are for taking his cock as he fucks your sweet spot over and over again
boyfriend!chan who's a god at aftercare, making sure you feel safe in his arms after a long session
a/n ♡ i might have to do this with all the members tbh ;)
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