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#because at some point around december it started giving me so much anxiety and making me feel so down that i just physically couldn't
kuzann · 3 months
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Escape from the Holidays
My Holiday Truce present for @deuynndoodles! Sam and Tucker get Danny away from the Santa argument for some much-needed relaxation. 💜 Also on Ao3!
Danny trudged his way through the fall season, doing his best to ignore the Christmas merch that was already showing up in stores by Halloween. Holiday creep was annoying in general, but for Danny it acted as an omen of things to come once December rolled around. As the weeks ticked by the knot of stress and anxiety grew in the pit of his stomach; the worst month of the year was approaching and there was nothing he could do about it. He would simply have to endure whatever misery the yearly argument brought just as he did every year.
December 1st arrived. The more restrained organizations of Amity Park at last began to put up their Christmas decorations. FentonWorks lit up in red, white, and green just like the rest of the neighborhood and, like clockwork, the Santa argument began. Danny was long past caring whether Santa Claus was real or not; the only thing that mattered was the fact that the argument made every single December a writhing mass of stress and mess cleanup.
Five days after the start of December he and Jazz sat in the living room after being summoned for a family board game, only for the Santa argument to overshadow everything before the game could even make it out of the box. Jazz hid her face in her newest psychology book while Danny glowered at his parents and wished he’d thought to grab his phone before his dad pestered him into coming downstairs for ‘family time’.
He was just checking his watch for the dozenth time when the front door slammed open. Sam and Tucker hurried into the living room, still breathless from running over. The sudden intrusion put a temporary pause on the argument as the Fentons turned to their new guests.
“Mr. and Mrs. Fenton, there’s a ghost attacking the docks!” Tucker said, still a little breathless from the run as he jerked a thumb over his shoulder.
“You gotta hurry before he gets away!” Sam added. “He’s trying to steal a bunch of shipping boxes!”
“No ghost is making off with holiday gifts while the Fentons are on the job!” Jack declared as he and Maddie drew their concealed weapons. They barged out the door past Sam and Tucker and out into the snowy night.
“Nothing stops the holiday argument like their mutual hatred of ghosts,” Tucker said with a knowing smile.
“Well, we better get going,” Danny grumbled as he stood. “So who is it this time? It’s the Box Ghost, isn’t it?”
“It is, but he’s not our problem tonight,” Sam said with a proud smile of her own. “Come on, you really think your parents can’t handle the Box Ghost?”
“Well since my mom’s out there I guess I shouldn’t worry...” Danny admitted with a small smile. He was already starting to feel a little better now that he didn’t have to witness the Santa argument. “We do need to figure out something for dinner now, though,” he added as he shared a glance with Jazz.
“Don’t worry about it, you’re coming over to my house and we’re ordering takeout,” Sam said.
“We call it Operation: Get Danny Away from the Stupid Santa Argument,” Tucker added with a grin. “And Jazz too, if she wants to hang out with us.”
“Well given that I’ll be all alone here after you guys leave...” Jazz began. “You’re sure you’re okay with me joining in? I’m not gonna cramp your style or anything?”
“Any Fenton who isn’t part of the Santa argument is welcome in my book,” Danny replied.
~~~
Sam’s parents were surprisingly pleasant when the four of them arrived; Danny was under the impression that they didn’t care for him or his family, and tonight he had the sneaking suspicion that Mrs. Manson was going to rub being a superior parent in his parents’ faces at some point in the near future because of all this. Jazz lingered to give them a full rundown of her college plans when they asked what she was up to as a matter of courtesy, which gave Sam ample opportunity to get her other guests upstairs and into her room without any further delay.
Her room was dimly-lit by warm red string lights she’d added recently. The effect was almost cozy, despite Sam’s likely intent of using them to boost the goth look to her room. It was certainly more calming than the sea of Christmas lights that decorated most of the city. The curtains were already drawn when they arrived, blocking off any view of the city beyond. Closed, comfortable, and warm.
“So what kind of food are we feeling like tonight?” Sam asked once they were safely in her room.
“Something other than pizza,” Danny replied as he flopped down on a massive black bean bag chair. “I think I’ve finally had enough pizza for a little while.”
“I could go for some Thai food,” Tucker added as he dropped onto the oversized bean bag next to Danny.
“I know a great Thai place.” Sam turned to a nearby bookshelf and took a binder labeled ‘Restaurants’ from it, then leafed through until she found the page she wanted. “Here we go,” she said as she took the menu from a sheet protector within.
“So organized,” Tucker said with a chuckle as Sam passed the menu to them.
“Well when you have dietary restrictions it helps to remember the places that can accommodate,” Sam said.
“Smart,” Danny said. He leaned in, bumping shoulders with Tucker as he read the menu as well. “Think I’ll pick the pad thai with chicken.”
“Red curry with beef for me,” Tucker said.
Danny leaned back against the bean bag and closed his eyes as Sam left to ask Jazz what she wanted. It was quiet in Sam’s room—soundproofed to keep her and her parents’ music tastes completely separate, for everyone’s sake—and no holiday music reached them here. He could almost pretend that this was just any other month and that he didn’t have another miserable holiday season to look forward to once he left. The ball of stress that sat sharp and heavy in his chest slowly began to unwind.
His phone buzzed with a received text. Danny opened his eyes and checked it: Valerie had made it to her grandparents’ house and was asking how he was doing. He smiled and texted back: [Glad ur safe. Sam & Tucker rescued me from Santa argument so doing good]
“Val checking in?” Tucker asked.
“Yep, she’s safe at her grandparents’ house,” Danny replied. Worry over Valerie staying safe on the slippery roads had been sitting at the back of his mind ever since she left the previous day, and it was good to have it resolved for now.
Sam returned with Jazz in tow. “Food’s ordered, now we just have to wait.” She strolled over and dropped down onto the unoccupied side of the bean bag. “Did I miss anything?”
“Valerie made it to her grandparents’ house,” Danny replied.
“That’s good. The roads are pretty treacherous this time of year,” Sam said. She stretched, then fell back against the bean bag, bumping shoulders with Danny. “She’ll be here next time we do this.”
“Next time?” Danny raised his eyebrows with the question as he looked at her.
“Yeah we were thinking once a week,” Tucker added. “Maybe more often. Depends on how stressed out you get.” He gave Danny a playful poke on the forehead.
“We couldn’t just sit back and let you be miserable for the whole season,” Sam said. “Besides, it’s nice to get a break from the holiday rush.”
Danny smiled, and he let out a long slow sigh as he sank into the bean bag a little further. “Thanks, guys.” He pulled the two into a hug. “This really means a lot.”
“Don’t mention it, dude,” Tucker said as he and Sam returned the hug. “So what should we do while we wait for the food to get here?”
“I found this card game called Five Crowns recently,” Sam said. “Let’s try it out.”
~~~
The Jacks were wild by the time the food arrived at the front door. Danny and Tucker were almost tied for last place with scores exceeding one hundred points while Jazz sat squarely in the lead with only thirty-five. With two hands to go there was still a chance that Sam could unseat her as the to-be winner, but only time would tell.
Sam brought the food up and the four of them sorted out their meals from the bag. They dug in, chattering all the while about school, video games, movies, future plans. The cards had been laid aside for the moment, to spare them the possibility of getting messy from the food.
Danny forgot the date after a while. It felt like any other night of the year, which was exactly what he needed. He was finally at ease as they set the remnants of dinner aside and picked up their game again.
~~~
Jazz won the game in the end, despite a valiant effort to defeat her on Sam’s part. Danny ended with a ridiculous sum of four hundred and twenty-six points. He didn’t mind. It was the simple act of playing the game that he’d enjoyed, win or lose.
With the game over they set about finding other ways to occupy the time. Sam brought up a new fantasy RPG she’d bought recently and asked if they wanted to do a joint save so they could enjoy the story together.
The three plopped down on the big bean bag chair again with Danny in the middle and took turns on the controller, laughing and riffing on the game’s sillier story beats and praising it for the things it did well. Meanwhile Jazz sat at Sam’s desk with a book open before her, a small smile on her face as she kept half an ear on their fun, chuckling every so often at one of their jokes.
Hours drifted past, carrying them late into the evening, and at last the three began to nod off. Sam and Tucker each rested on one of Danny’s shoulders, the book Sam had been perusing laying open across her lap while Tucker’s PDA had almost slipped out of his hand as he slept.
Once she was sure they were soundly asleep Jazz took a nearby blanket and draped it over the three, gently tucking the edges around them to trap in the warmth. Danny was truly fortunate to have such good friends. Getting him away from holiday stress was exactly what he needed, and with them whisking him away like this every few days he would be able to weather the season much better than he had in previous years.
Jazz tiptoed back to the desk and sat down again. She would wake them in a little while to take Danny home, but for now all she wanted was to let him sleep peacefully for as long as he could.
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duskspring · 3 months
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Wordless Declarations and a Birthday - Lake/River
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Domestic December - Day 18
Summary: River struggles to make Lake’s summoningday a memorable one
Content (do let me know if I forgot anything!): Water (#2) is called Lake in this, Water (#3) is called River in this, anxiety
Word count: ~1.5k
River wasn’t known for a lot of things. He was one of those ghouls that minded his own business and didn’t interact with anyone outside his old bandmates much. But there was one thing everyone knew about him, that being his love for his fellow water ghoul Lake.
And with Lake’s summoningday approaching fast, River didn’t stand still for even a second. He was determined to give his lover the best, most memorable party to ever grace The Ministry.
The problem was River’s incompetence on the topic. He spitballed every possible variation; would it be a surprise party? Something themed? Maybe it could be activity based? Should it be huge or more intimate?
He knew what Lake definitely would not want, but trying to find out what would make him the most happy was a matter of guessing.
He eventually decided to celebrate in his room. That way, if it got messy it wouldn’t be Lake’s problem. They could start out with just the two of them and then let Lake decide who else he wanted there in the moment. Simple, fun… but maybe not enough.
River couldn’t get his anxieties under control. It got to the point that even Lake noticed something was out of the ordinary. River denied such a thing, not wanting to give himself away. If Lake knew his summoningday party was what was causing him all that stress, he’d immediately tell him to stop. But he didn’t deserve to lose out on a party, because of River’s nerves.
The day of, he was lucky Lake already had plans in the afternoon. He’d tried asking River to come along, but he’d just barely wormed his way out of that one with a few excuses. He used the time to set everything up. He did some light decorating of the space. There were garlands, balloons and his fanciest plates and cups, all in a blue theme.
It was now a matter of waiting around for Lake to find his way back there. River sat on the couch, then thought maybe it looked better if he stood up, but then sat back down. His leg bounced nervously. His head turned towards the clock multiple times per minute, getting more afraid with every second Lake wasn’t there to calm him down. It gave him way too much time to think about a variety of topics, one of which being his gift.
It was stupid. It was too lame. Lake would probably hate it but not dare to say anything. He-
River startled aggressively when the phone in his pocket rang. His heart skipped another beat when he saw it was Lake. He answered immediately, “Splash…” He whispered the nickname, unsure what to expect.
“Where are you?” Lake asked, barely audible over whatever the loud noise in the background was.
“My room, why?”
“Well, get down here already! I’m happy to have this, but it’s lame without you.”
River only got more confused, “...Where are you?”
“I just stepped outside the hall, so I could hear you.”
“Outside which hall?”
“Dining.” Lake said like it was obvious.
“Ok…” River’s mind raced, “Ok, I’ll be right there.”
“Better hurry!” And then the line cut off.
River lowered his phone slowly. He speedwalked to the dining hall on autopilot, mind reeling to try and comprehend what was going on. The closer he got, the more he realized the loud background noise heard over the phone had been music.
“Finally!” Lake joked, walking over to embrace his partner, “Can you believe all of this?”
“I’m honestly not sure what I’m supposed to believe here.” River awkwardly tried asking for clarification.
Lake didn’t take it as such, though, “I know right! Even if Papa has technically done it for others, I would never have expected he’d do it for me.” Without providing more clarity, he grabbed River's hand and pulled him towards the dining hall.
It was a near sensory overload to walk in there. The music was loud, decorations colorful yet classy, and at least two thirds of the abbey’s inhabitants were there. They drank, danced and enjoyed their time together. Oh, it was a party alright.
“Papa did this?” River asked, his face an obvious showing of surprise, but also a bit of shame. His planned party seemed so incredibly mundane next to this.
Lake nodded, “Secondo really pulled out all the stops. Wish he had kept a few,” He mumbled the last part quietly enough that the music drowned it out before it reached River’s ears, “Hey, are you alright?” It seemed he’d noticed River’s expression.
He tried to say something, to reassure his lover, but found he couldn’t. His vocal cords were frozen. He could feel the potential for tears building up. He was fucking humiliated.
Lake put his hands on his cheeks, “Flow.” Hearing his own nickname, snapped him out of the trance long enough to hear the next words, “Let’s step outside for a moment.”
And back out into the hall they went. Lake made River sit down against the wall for a bit, his expression still betraying his shock.
“How are the mindwaves?” He asked, it being their way to refer to River’s recurring anxiety.
“I’m… so happy for you.” He meant the words. Lake’s happiness had been the goal from the start. He just wished he’d been the reason.
The second water ghoul scoffed a bit, “Well, I’m happy for Papa. He got an excuse to throw a party.” He said with a hint of bitterness in his voice.
“What do you mean?”
Lake sighed, sitting down next to River and putting his head on his shoulder, “I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but come on. Papa didn’t throw this party for me. I kinda hate this, actually. I hardly even know anyone who’s here. Most of them don’t even know it’s my birthday! Let alone the fact that this environment isn’t good for you. And if you don’t want to be there, then I don't want to be either.” His voice was self assured, he was so certain of his feelings. He raised his head, staring into River’s eyes with his blacked out ones, “Can we go back to your room? I don’t think I’ll be missed here.”
River instantly nodded, getting up to help pull Lake upright. He didn’t want to be there anymore. Even though Lake had made it clear he didn’t enjoy Papa’s party, a part of him was still embarrassed. A feeling that only got worse with every step that brought them closer to his room.
“Uhm Splash, could we… go to your room?” He asked, suddenly realizing and fearing Lake would see his weak attempt at a party.
Lake looked at him curiously. River usually preferred his own room for comfort. Then again, it wasn’t unlike him to try and deny this, “Mine’s a mess. It would only be more overwhelming.” He told a white lie.
“I really don’t mi-” But they were already at the door and his partner was opening it.
Lake took one step into the room, before it was his turn to freeze.
“...Surprise?” River said awkwardly to fill the silence.
Lake turned around slowly, his face betraying how touched he was, “You put this all up for me?”
“You know… I tried.”
The black eyed ghoul rushed over to once again embrace River, clutching him to his body, “Thank you.” 
River brought his arms up as well, enjoying the protective warmth of the hold. It grounded him, instantly lessening his fears.
Lake eventually let go to look around the room again, keeping an arm around the other’s back, “I love it, it’s so nice.” He turned back to face him, “You really like me don’t you?” He teased.
River had to avoid eye contact for a moment, knowing now was​ the best time for him to give his present, but also being terrified to do so.
“What’s on your mind?” Lake asked, reading River’s thought process right off his facial expression.
River took a deep breath, reaching into his pocket. With a shaky hand, he retrieved a small black box from it, “This is for you.” He opened it up, revealing a silver band ring hanging from a necklace.
Lake held his breath, carefully picking up the jewellery and inspecting it closely. It didn’t take long for him to notice the single word engraved on the inside of the ring; ‘Splash’. He looked up a River lovingly, his own hands shaking as he clasped the gift around his neck.
In response, the other ghoul reached into his clothing to retrieve a near identical looking necklace, except his ring read ‘Flow’.
Stunned into speechlessness, Lake lurched forward to passionately kiss River. Neither of them had to say the words, their meaning felt in every second of contact between them. That passion, that need for each other. No one could deny it.
They loved each other.
[My Main Masterlist | Domestic December Masterlist]
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Under The Surface
December 19, 2022
Prompt - No Pressure
Notes - The final and longest installment of this trilogy, coming in at 21 pages! I had a lot of fun with this, but I didn’t finish it until last night because the ending was giving me trouble. Also, I know I mention it being 2023 in this, but I gave up trying to make it take place in the future after I started writing my novel version of this story, so we’re in modern times now, lmao. 
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Cars and minivans lined the parking lot of the Myrtle Beach Sports Center, people young and old alike filling the area as they waited for the doors to open. The Snowflake Championship was a very selective competition, few skaters would have gotten an acceptance letter, but Vivien severely underestimated just how many people would be attending in support of someone they knew even if they hadn’t been accepted themselves. As the Birch family’s rental van rolled into an empty space at the back of the lot, Vivien got a good look around at the other skaters she would be going up against and felt a wave of anxiety hit her. She wasn’t used to this. The championships she usually competed in were local - other small-town skate companies duking it out for a shoddily made trophy to put in their glass cases by the check-in desks. This was unlike anything she had ever seen before.
The doors of the van opened and everyone began exiting the vehicle, shoving things they had taken from the old Murphy house back into the van since they wouldn’t be needing them. Vivien slowly made her way onto the tarmac, looking around at the other cars in the area until she spotted Riven leaning against a sports car that had probably cost his dad quite a bit to rent. He was on the phone with someone while his dad talked with someone else from their rink just a few feet away. A hand on Vivien’s arm distracted her from her skating partner and brought her attention to Carrie as the blonde held out the black bag that contained Vivien’s costumes for the competition. After thanking the older girl and turning toward the building across the lot, Vivien froze, a sense of dread settling in her chest as she spotted a familiar, raven-haired girl talking with her entourage by the front door - her friend and skating rival from Maine, Naomi Sato.
Naomi Sato was the ideal figure skater in the eyes of many. She skated only to classical music, her jumps always landed flawlessly, she just barely scraped five feet tall, and she had the body type of a toothpick. On the other hand, Vivien preferred skating to whatever she felt made her movements come alive, she excelled in spins while her jumps were more to fill in elements than they were to impress anyone, she towered over most of her competition despite being five-foot-eight, and she was the first to admit she had curves, but at least she liked that about herself. Naomi had multiple gold medals under her belt and had plans of going to the Olympics whereas Vivien was perfectly fine without having the spotlight on her skates and a heavy Olympic medal around her neck. The girls had known each other for a while and considered themselves friends, texting on Instagram and leaving comments on each other’s TikToks all the time, but Vivien knew that if Naomi was competing, she wouldn’t have much of a chance at seeing a gold medal at all, let alone having one to bring home.
A hand on Vivien’s arm brought her out of her thoughts and, as she took in Bentley’s concerned eyes, she shook her head and sent him a smile, “I’m fine, Beemer.”
“You don’t look fine,” he replied.
“Gee, thanks,” Vivien said sarcastically.
Bentley rolled his eyes as he sighed, “You know what I mean, Viv.”
“I do,” Vivien nodded, allowing Bentley to lead her away from the vehicle they’d arrived in. “I’m still going to say that I’m fine.”
Bentley turned to Vivien, stopping the girl mid-step. “So you’re lying to me?”
Vivien sighed, “I’m not lying. It’s just some pre-comp jitters. It happens all the time and I’m used to it at this point.”
Steel blue eyes searched Vivien’s emerald ones in search of any trace of a lie but found none. With a sigh, Bentley relented and turned back in the direction of the building, “Alright, but I’m keeping an eye on you.”
“You and everyone else once this all hits Youtube,” Vivien breathed, hauling her bag further onto her shoulder as she began walking once again.
A large group of skaters and their coaches were waiting by the doors, ready to be allowed inside to practice before the competition, but they would have more than enough time to get on the ice before the weekend. Just as the group inched their way under the building’s extended awning, a sharp squeal made everyone freeze, “Vivien!”
Turning toward the voice seemed to have been a mistake as a head of pin-straight, jet-black hair slammed into Vivien’s chest, nearly sending both girls to the ground from the sheer force the shorter skater exuded. Vivien’s arms came around the girl with a laugh as they swayed from one side to the other, “Naomi, it’s so good to see you.”
“You too!” Naomi exclaimed. “I didn’t know you were coming to this competition.”
“I didn’t know you were either,” Vivien explained with a smile as the two separated. “You here to snatch another gold for Knox Academy?”
Knox Ice Academy was a skating company in Rockport, Maine that was renowned for producing professional skaters. From their three-year-old beginners to their oldest, pro-level skaters, they had trainers and choreographers that outranked many other skating companies in New England. Naomi and most of her friends had skated there since they were little and had been loyal to the company since they were first strapped into a pair of little skates. To Vivien’s confusion, however, the raven-haired girl shook her head with a heavy sigh, “I left Knox over the summer after it was discovered that they were putting drugs in some of the workout drinks.”
“Holy shit,” Vivien gasped. “That’s insane!”
“Oh yeah,” Naomi breathed. “Thankfully, I was one of the few who tested negative, but they’re under investigation now, so I moved to Limelight in Dover-Foxcroft.”
“That’s a long drive from Rockport, isn’t it?”
“Two hours,” Naomi sighed. “Thankfully, we’re moving soon, so the commute won’t be too bad.” There was a brief pause as the girls nodded, but Naomi’s dark, almost black eyes widened as she excitedly slapped Vivien’s arm with a squeaky giggle. “That reminds me, I have someone you need to meet!”
“Okay, yeah,” Vivien chuckled before watching the girl take off to the gaggle of skaters she had been talking with earlier. “Ow,” she muttered, rubbing her arm until she saw Naomi turn back toward her and approach with a curly-haired girl trailing behind her.
“Vivien O’Brian,” Naomi began with a bright smile, gesturing to the girl she had pulled next to her, “this is Lexi Warren.” 
While Naomi rambled on about how Lexi was a skater that had taken her in when she first started training at her new rink, Vivien was trying to think of a way to tell the excited girl that she already knew Lexi. She’d known Lexi for a long time. Lexi had been a skater at Vivien’s Purple Finch rink for years before her family moved north. They had been close since they were both very young, spending as much time together as possible and even taking time out of their already busy schedules for each other. Their relationship practically dissolved a few weeks before Lexi left for Maine, but very few people knew why.
“-so I thought the two of you would be good friends,” Naomi finished, clearly not noticing the stare the other two girls shared.
Vivien tore her gaze from Lexi’s and smiled at Naomi, “We actually used to skate together when we were kids. We were good friends back then.”
Lexi scoffed, her arms crossing over her chest, “Is that what we were?”
“Lex,” Vivien sighed, “can we not do this right now?”
“Why not?” Lexi pressed. “I don’t see a reason why we can’t.”
A fire ignited in Vivien’s eyes as she readied herself to list all of the reasons she could think of, but a hand on her back stopped her. “There you are, Pip,” Riven said with a faint smirk. “You ready to go inside?”
“Yeah,” she huffed, allowing Riven to pull her toward the doors that had opened at some point during the conversation. Making sure the rest of the people she arrived with were following them, Vivien took in a deep breath, turned to Naomi, and said, “See you inside.”
The bewildered girl raised a hand and waved as Riven led her friend into the building and away from the conversation. Naomi turned to Lexi with an eyebrow raised, “What was that all about?”
Undeterred, Lexi rolled her eyes and tugged her bag further up her arm, “I’ll tell you later. Let’s just go.” Lexi took off, leaving Naomi standing by herself in the middle of the walkway. Naomi watched as a few other skaters joined the line of people filing into the building before heading inside with a sigh. She’d find out what was going on one way or another.
Almost as soon as they entered the building, Vivien split off from the group she had arrived with, telling her boyfriend and his family to wait in the stands for her family to arrive while she and Riven went to get changed into their practice clothes and hit the ice. Royce’s concern for his girlfriend only grew as he watched Riven put an arm around Vivien’s shoulders and guide her toward the other side of the building where most of the other skaters were gathering; whoever the girls outside were, they made Vivien uncomfortable. He wanted to know why so that he could help her deal with it the way she helped him deal with everything. Royce watched Vivien leave, rooted to the padded floor until Miles pried him away and moved him toward the bleachers.
“Any idea what that was all about?” Bentley asked as he and Royce found seats near the middle of the ice and claimed them for themselves.
Royce slowly shook his head, “Not a clue.”
“Maybe she’ll tell you later,” Lela offered from her seat behind the brothers. “You three tell each other everything, after all.”
“Yeah,” Royce agreed with a shrug. However, as he glanced over at where Vivien had disappeared with her mountainous skating partner, an unnerving pit began to form in his stomach, and all of a sudden, he wasn’t so sure of his own words. Taking a deep breath, Royce apprehensively muttered, “Yeah.”
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After having changed into the matching outfits they usually wore on the ice during practice, Riven pulled Vivien down one of the halls, past a basketball gymnasium, and into an empty locker room. Once they were alone, he asked, “What was that about?”
Vivien was quick to fire back, “What was what about?” 
Riven’s gaze was firm as he growled, “Don’t give me that shit, Vivien. You know damn well what I’m talking about.”
“That doesn’t mean I want to talk about it.”
“You need to.”
“Still don’t want to.”
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Riven sighed, “Vivien, I know you and Lexi didn’t end on the greatest of terms-”
A scoff left Vivien as she dropped onto a nearby bench, “That’s putting it lightly.”
“-but it would be best if we just ignored her while we’re here.” Riven watched Vivien’s expression as her gaze fell to the floor. Riven crouched in front of his partner and took her hands in his. “I don’t mean to upset you, Pip, but at least try to think of the positives.”
“What positives?” Vivien choked out as she met Riven’s gaze. “I was hoping I’d never see her again. Now she’s here as a competitor and it terrifies me.”
“Lexi never skates with a partner,” Riven tried reassuringly. “We don’t have to worry about her there.”
“No,” Vivien agreed, “but I still have to worry about her when it comes to the singles. With her and Naomi working together, I’m off of the podium before I’ve even stepped on the ice.”
Riven’s chuckle delivered a direct, but painfully honest statement, “Lexi hasn’t seen a podium since she broke her leg. The chances of her landing any of her jumps properly are slim to none.”
“She could still mess with my head,” Vivien insisted. “Or my single programs.”
Riven’s grip moved to Vivien’s arms as he sent her an adamantly firm stare, “Don’t let her. If you think she’s messing with you, tell me, tell your boyfriend, tell someone.”
“I’ll tell you,” Vivien breathed, her gaze falling again before returning to Riven’s. “I’ll tell you, but I can’t tell Royce and neither can you.”
Riven’s eyebrows furrowed as he questioned, “Why not?”
Vivien glanced toward the door anxiously before turning back to Riven and muttering, “He doesn’t know about me and Lexi.”
“You never told him?” Riven asked, his eyes widening incredulously.
“It never came up!” Vivien exclaimed softly. “He knows I dated someone before and I know he did too, but I never told him who I dated.”
“He deserves to know, Viv.”
“I know he does.”
“Then tell him,” Riven pleaded. “Rip off the bandage before someone else does.”
Vivien froze, her gaze locking with Riven’s hazel eyes. “What do you mean?”
Riven sighed, “Think about it, Pip. I’m not the only one here who knows that you and Lexi dated. The chances of Lexi telling Royce or him finding out from someone else she told are high.”
As she thought over Riven’s words, Vivien let out a prolonged groan, her fingers twisting knots in her hair as she ran her hands over her scalp. “I’m fucked.”
“And not in a good way,” Riven chuckled.
“Riven,” Vivien barked, “this is serious!”
“I know!” Riven yelped, backing away and raising his hands in surrender. At Vivien’s whine of frustration, Riven sighed, “How about this: if you don’t tell Royce before we do our free skate program tomorrow afternoon, I’ll tell him for you.”
Green eyes widened in horror, a fleeting glance at the clock making them sink in fear. “That only gives me a little over a day to come up with something to tell him.”
“That should be more than enough time,” Riven said with a shrug. “You’re taking this all too seriously. It’s twenty-twenty-three, not nineteen-fifty-two; your past dating life shouldn’t matter.”
Vivien sighed, rubbing the sweat from her palms on her pants, “His family is old-fashioned and he values his family over everything. Our relationship could end over this.”
The auburn-haired male shook his head, “From what you’ve told me, you two have been together through a lot together; I highly doubt that your relationship would fall apart because of something that happened years ago.”
Although she still seemed hesitant to agree that Riven was right, Vivien slowly nodded, “I guess you’re right.”
“Of course, I am,” Riven teased. Once Vivien let out a soft laugh and shook her head, Riven smirked and added, “So, do we have a deal?”
It took Vivien a while to think about her answer. She knew she would have to tell Royce about everything sooner or later, but she had been hoping to keep it as far on the “later” side as she could. Even though she wanted nothing more than to tell Riven she wasn’t up for the challenge, she knew she couldn’t turn him away. Besides, Riven wasn’t one to be pushy or rude, so Vivien knew that, even if she didn’t meet the deadline he had set for her, he would be gentle in telling Royce the same thing she had confided in him so many years prior. Finding nothing but sincerity and warmth in Riven’s eyes, Vivien sighed, “We have a deal.”
“That’s my girl,” Riven beamed. Pushing himself to his feet again, Riven offered Vivien a hand and asked, “You ready to go practice now?”
Vivien placed her hand in Riven’s, a small smile appearing on her face as she agreed, “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Good,” Riven said as he hauled Vivien off of the bench she had perched herself on. “Let’s get some time on the ice before our short program and your solo.”
Vivien laughed, allowing Riven to drag her toward the door and through the hallways. As they neared the ice and made their way to the padded area lining the outside of the rink, Vivien spared a wave at her family and friends. As though the surging, crashing ocean waves had been let loose inside her stomach, the seventeen-year-old felt a wave of anxiety-riddled nausea flood her system once she spotted Royce beaming at her with enough love and adoration in his eyes to make Aphrodite sick. After sending a small grin in his direction, Vivien turned her back to her boyfriend and swallowed thickly as she gripped Riven’s hand just a fraction tighter. How on earth was she going to make it through their routines if she could barely think of anything other than her promise with Riven and the looming threat of Lexi sending her relationship with Royce down the drain over something that had happened ages ago?
The brunette was pulled from her thoughts as Riven returned her tight squeeze. Upon turning to her partner, Vivien felt little relief at his supposedly calming smile. He muttered something to her that she just couldn’t make out over the ringing in her ears, but his laugh was heard above the screeching noise. After asking him to repeat himself, Vivien let out a strained breath as Riven said, “Deep breaths, Pip. You’ll be fine, I promise.”
As she spared a look over her shoulder at Royce, she realized Riven was probably right. Sending him a smile and a wave, Vivien felt relieved to see him grinning right back at her. As Royce’s hand lifted into the air, Vivien caught a pair of golden eyes that distracted her. The glimmering glare Lexi’s eyes held as she watched Royce wave fondly back at Vivien made green-eyed brunette feel at least a hundred times worse than she had mere moments before. She had just unintentionally redirected Lexi’s anger toward her, onto Royce, the one person she wanted to protect from this mess. Looking back at Royce, Vivien found his head tipped to the side and an eyebrow raised as he glanced between her and Lexi. Once he discovered Vivien was watching him, he sent her a confused shrug and she shook her head in return, waving her free hand to show her brushing off the interaction before sending him a smile and turning back toward the ice. As she watched some of the junior skaters practice, Vivien took in a deep breath and sighed. What had she just gotten herself into?
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No other skating competition had ever gone by so fast, in Vivien’s opinion. Her solo short program had gone by so quickly that she was sure the person in control of the music had put Florence and The Machine’s “Lover To Lover” on three times its normal speed and she had still managed to find a spot in the top three for the day. Then, the short program she shared with Riven had flown by, literally in a few spots, and by the time they were in the ever-so-aptly named “kiss and cry” seat, awaiting their scores, Vivien’s anxiety had been replaced with adrenaline. A score of 75.19 had been given to the pair, setting them in the highest place for the short program, sliding the teams from Georgia and New York into second and third place for the time being. As soon as they were allowed to return to their families for a brief intermission, Vivien found Royce and Bentley attached to her sides.
“That was amazing,” Bentley commended into Vivien’s shoulder before allowing Royce to fill his space.
“I knew you could do it,” Royce muttered, his breath fluttering a few baby hairs that curled at the nape of Vivien’s neck, sending a shiver down her spine. “You two were incredible.”
“I’m just glad I landed that throw,” she breathed as they parted, his hand sliding down her arm to lace their fingers together. “I still have my individual free program and our free skate tomorrow both of which would’ve been insanely difficult with an injured leg.”
“You feel alright, though?” Royce asked. 
Vivien nodded, but before she could voice her answer, a voice from behind her cut in, “I sure hope she is.” Vivien turned to find Naomi and Lexi approaching them, Naomi’s arms outstretched for a hug as she scurried over. “I want a fair fight tomorrow.”
With a chuckle, Vivien brought the shorter girl in for a hug, “And a fair fight you shall get.”
“Good,” Naomi smiled as she backed away. Looking around at the group that now had their eyes locked on her, the raven-haired girl smiled nervously and waved. “Hello, people I don’t know.”
Vivien gestured to everyone as she said, “Naomi, this is my boyfriend and his family. Guys, this is Naomi Sato, one of my biggest rivals in the individual skate competitions.”
“Ah, well, I hope to see you all tomorrow,” Naomi greeted with a small bow toward the group. Turning to Vivien, she placed a hand on the brunette’s arm and beamed, “And I will see you on the ice!”
“That you will,” Vivien smiled as her hand searched blindly for Royce’s, latching onto his warm fingers as soon as she grazed them, a faint electric shock telling her she had found the right person.
As Naomi waved goodbye and headed for the people who were off to the side, waiting for her, Lexi remained, staring blankly at Vivien and her entourage. “Vivien.”
Vivien's posture turned rigid as she raised her head just enough for it to be noticed. “Lexi.”
Lexi’s arms crossed over her chest, “Didn’t know you were dating again.”
Royce’s grip on Vivien’s hand tightened for a second as he leaned over his girlfriend’s shoulder from the bleacher behind her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “We’ve been together for almost a year now” Royce proudly stated.
A look of disgust flashed across Lexi’s features, but it was quickly replaced with a clearly forced, saccharine smile. “Lucky. I bet you two are madly in love by now.”
Carrie, who had noticed the girl’s expression in the split-second it had been present, settled a glare on the opposing skater as she stepped off of the bleachers next to Vivien and snipped, “They are.”
Lexi’s gaze flickered to Carrie before searching the group on the bleachers behind the happy couple, finding matching glares coming from some of Royce and Vivien’s family members. With a scoff, Lexi said, “And they need their little guard dogs to prove that?”
Miles quickly wrapped an arm around Carrie’s middle, barely preventing her from launching at the curly-haired skater. As Bentley called Lexi a few colorful French words he had unintentionally learned from Miles, Riven marched over from where he and his dad had been walking, making his way between Lexi and Vivien with a scowl. “Leave,” he ordered, the darkness in his tone like a shadow looming from a skyscraper to the ants below.
“I don’t see why I should,” Lexi hissed, clearly undeterred by Riven’s intimidating demeanor. “I’m just conversing with an old friend.”
“Good to know you still consider harassment a way of having a conversation,” Vivien scoffed.
“Shut it, O’Brian,” Lexi snapped.
“You first, Warren.”
“Enough!” Riven snapped. In the silence that settled around them, Riven took in a deep breath to calm himself and said, “We’re meant to act like professionals here. Settle it on the ice tomorrow like any professional skater would.”
Without more than a roll of her eyes and a scoff, Lexi turned on her heel and headed for the door. As soon as the girl was out of sight, Vivien took in a deep, shaky breath and allowed herself to relax at least a little. Royce’s grip on his girlfriend tightened as he stepped off of the bleachers and pulled her into a hug. “What was that all about?” he questioned softly.
“Who was that?” Bentley asked. Instead of answering, Vivien wrapped an arm around her boyfriend and Bentley as the young blond joined them in an attempt at comforting his friend. 
Riven shook his head at Vivien’s silence and sighed, “Lexi Warren. She was once a close friend of ours and a skater Vivien grew up with. She moved away a few years ago and…” Riven glanced in the direction Lexi had left in. “Well, let’s just say it wasn’t the nicest of endings.”
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The hotel everyone was staying at was within walking distance from the sports center and had beautifully made rooms, but after Abby tossed her suitcase on one of the two beds in the room and jumped into the shower before her older sister could do more than look into the room, Vivien didn’t have the desire to stay for long. At first, she thought of going down to the pool and sinking into the hot tub for a while, but the idea of running into Lexi or Royce or both of them was enough to deter her. She didn’t want confrontation and she certainly wasn’t ready to tell Royce about her past just yet. 
As she slid bobby pins out of her hair and tossed them onto the dresser she wouldn’t even bother using during her stay, Vivien came to the conclusion that she needed advice on how to handle everything. She instantly ruled out going to her parents and Mick’s parents since they already knew her situation and would probably tell her the same thing Riven had - to tell Royce and save herself the stress. Mick and Butchy were a close second, but after remembering that the couple had decided to go to the beach for a while, she ruled them out as well. She needed advice now and the only people in the hotel who could give her that were Carrie and Miles. After brushing out her hair and grabbing a few elastics, the seventeen-year-old left the room she shared with her sister and headed down the hallway to where she knew Miles and Carrie were staying. It didn’t take long for Carrie to open the door, allowing Vivien inside once the younger girl held up her elastics with a hopeful grin. 
Perching herself on the end of the bed, Vivien sighed, “You know, I actually need a little help with something important and it’s not just about needing one of you to braid my hair.”
Miles, who had been flicking through the TV channels to find something entertaining, stopped what he was doing to take a look at the girl and ask, “What’s wrong, kiddo?”
“I’ve never really told a lot of people before,” Vivien chuckled nervously, allowing Carrie to split her hair down the middle of her head. “Can we keep this between us for now?”
As Miles wheeled the desk chair over so he could see Vivien while she talked, he nodded, “Of course.”
Carrie took the elastics from Vivien and set them aside, telling the girl, “You can tell us anything.”
Vivien nodded, taking in a deep breath before asking, “You know that girl that was harassing us earlier?” While Carrie scoffed, Miles rolled his eyes and nodded. “Well, I think I know why she’s bothering us.”
“You do?” Carrie asked, threading her fingers through Vivien’s hair as she began braiding it. 
“Think she’s doing it to mess with your head?” Miles asked. “Mess with you so that you’ll screw up your skating - that kind of thing?”
“I think that’s part of it,” Vivien said, trying not to move her head as she shrugged. “But I think it has more to do with the fact that she was my girlfriend a few years ago.”
Vivien tried to gauge their reaction, but as Miles eyed her silently and Carrie’s hands stilled against her scalp, she had a sinking feeling she should have kept her mouth shut and never told them in the first place. The nerves that had begun building since she entered the room only seemed to grow as the silence in the room took over and nobody said a word. Miles watched the teenager, seeing her expression change ever so minutely and a panic settle in her eyes as the room remained silent. She looked like a scared baby deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle - wide-eyed and ready to run. Miles was almost sure she would’ve taken off if Carrie didn’t have a firm grasp on her hair. It didn’t take much for Miles’ brotherly instincts to kick in and the desire to help the child in front of him hit him full-force. He reached a hand out and Vivien hesitantly took hold of it as he lightly redirected the topic and slowly asked, “So, when Riven said that things didn’t end well with her…?” 
Vivien looked away, tracing the design on the carpet with her eyes. “I broke up with her before she moved away and she didn’t take it nicely.”
“How did she take it?” Carrie asked softly.
“She went into a rage,” Vivien breathed. “She threw my skates at me, screamed a lot, and slapped me around a bit before Riven came into the room and pulled her away. She had to be escorted out of the skating rink.”
Miles’ grip tightened on Vivien’s hand as he wheeled his chair closer to the teenager. “Is that why you looked so tense when she was around?”
Vivien nodded, “Looking back on it now, she wasn’t the best person to be around, but we had dated since I was eleven and I thought that’s how all relationships were.”
Carrie’s hands began moving once again, threading Vivien’s hair into a braid on one side as she said, “Well, I’m glad you’ve gotten out of that mindset.”
“I think we all are,” Miles agreed.
Vivien hummed her agreement. “You know, we had been together for two years and I never once felt loved.”
“How come?” Carrie questioned.
“I don’t know. I guess it just felt like she was telling me what to do and how to feel all the time.” After a pause, a small smile appeared on Vivien’s face as she said, “Being with Royce is so different. It feels so surreal.”
“In a good way, I hope,” Miles chuckled.
Vivien laughed, “Yeah. It feels sort of like what Mick told me her relationship with Butchy was like in the beginning.”
Miles smiled, “Just wait until you realize you’ve fallen in love.”
“I already did,” Vivien confided, a fond look in her eyes that Miles didn’t need to work hard to decipher. “I fell in love with him a long time ago.”
Miles glanced over Vivien at Carrie, finding his girlfriend’s signature smile beaming back at him. There was a glint in her sapphire eyes that told Miles that she knew something he didn’t, but he wasn’t about to ask her what it was while Vivien was present. “Have you told Royce this?” he asked.
“No,” Vivien replied quickly, trying her best not to shake her head and disrupt Carrie’s quick fingers as they moved further away from her scalp. “He doesn’t know about any of it. Not me loving him, not me dating Lexi, nothing.”
“You should tell him,” Carrie suggested. “If not about loving him, then at least about the whole Lexi ordeal. I’m sure he would appreciate knowing.”
“I know,” Vivien sighed. “I want to tell him, but I’m just not sure how he would react to me having dated a girl before.”
Miles nodded thoughtfully, squeezing Vivien’s hand reassuringly before saying, “I don’t think it would matter all that much to him. It’s a part of who you are and he cares about you more than anything. I bet, if anything, he’d be grateful that you felt confident enough in your relationship to tell him something you hardly tell anyone.”
As Vivien felt Carrie tie off one braid and move to the other side of her head, she began thinking about Miles’ words. He had a good point. She knew Royce cared about her just as much as she cared about him. He showed her how much he cared about her every chance he got. The chances of him turning her away just because of who she had liked in the past were slim to none. The only thing holding her back from telling him anything was fear and she would just have to find a way to overcome that. She could do that for Royce. He deserved to know. Giving Miles’ hand a tight squeeze, Vivien smiled his way and said, “I guess you’re right.”
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Vivien awoke the next morning with sore legs, a mild headache, and the desire to down a bottle of Tylenol and crash like the Titanic meeting the iceberg. With the stress of seeing Lexi for the first time in years, the waking nightmares of breaking a limb or forgetting her entire routine on the ice, and trying to come up with a plan to tell Royce about her previous relationship before Riven did, she had gotten little sleep. Knowing she had two routines that needed to be rehearsed later in the day, Vivien slipped out of the hotel bed and crept over to the suitcase she had left on the floor by the dresser, pulling out her practice outfit and heading for the bathroom to change without the risk of waking her sister who snored noisily in the next bed over.
Once she was changed and had her sneakers laced, Vivien grabbed her skates and her room key, wrote out a quick note that she put on the nightstand between the beds she and her sister slept on, and slipped out of the room unnoticed. The hotel was only about a five-minute walk from the sports center and, as she passed the room she knew Riven and his dad were sharing, Vivien knew at least one of them would be up already, waiting anxiously for the other to get up so they could head to the rink for practice. However, Vivien wasn’t about to tell Riven she was already awake. She wanted time to herself on the ice - time to think and relax before everyone else showed up and the hectic parts of the day could begin. With her keycard tucked into her wallet and her skates dangling around her neck, Vivien waved goodbye to the person sitting at the front desk and headed down the street toward the sports center.
The walk was quiet apart from the soft music playing from Vivien’s earbuds and it wasn’t long until Vivien was pulling open the doors of the sports center, the warmth from the building’s heat system taking the chill out of her skin as she made her way inside. As opposed to what she had done the day prior, Vivien set her skates aside and stretched the way her ancient ballet teacher would have vaguely praised her for. Once she felt ready, Vivien sat on the nearest bench and laced up her skates, only ditching her blade guards before stepping onto the ice. With her phone securely zipped in her pocket and her earbuds tucked into her ears, Vivien allowed her playlist to control her movements, gliding across the ice to some of her favorite songs.
As the music changed, so did Vivien’s energy on the ice. Once her playlist switched to a new song once again, I Hear A Symphony by Cody Fry, Vivien allowed the familiar tune to take over. She had watched Riven perform the song many times in practices, so often that she could probably do most of it in her sleep if given the chance, but she couldn’t perform it herself due to a cantilever that Riven had perfected over the years that Vivien could never get to look the way his did. The song was one of Riven’s more lyrical-style performances, a style Vivien loved to use for her free skate programs. However, as she glided to a stop and listened to the song fade out, Vivien heard someone clapping in the supposedly empty skating rink.
Eventually, she found Lexi leaning against the wall, clapping sarcastically. Vivien sighed as she pulled an earbud from her ear, “What do you want?”
“I was coming to get in some early skate time, but I guess you got here first,” Lexi claimed. “Was that your program for the free program?”
“No,” Vivien said, preferring to keep the conversation as brief as possible as she headed back to the gate she had entered through. 
“Well, it must have meant something to you if you made it look that passionate,” Lexi pressed as she stalked her way toward Vivien.
“It’s an old program Riven used to do, that’s all,” Vivien insisted as she sat down and began taking her skates off.
Lexi laughed as she neared Vivien, taking the brown-and-purple-haired girl’s jaw in her grasp and forcing Vivien to meet her gaze. “And what if I don’t believe you?”
Not one to be pushed around anymore, Vivien wrapped a hand around Lexi’s wrist, the fingernails Carrie had taken the time to paint the day before digging into the skin on the older girl’s arm. Once Lexi had released her, Vivien said, “Believe what you want, just leave me the hell alone.”
Rubbing the crescent-shaped marks out of her wrists, Lexi scoffed, “That’s no way to treat a friend.”
“You made it clear a long time ago that we aren’t friends, Lexi,” Vivien grumbled, sending an empty glare at the older girl. “Why do you feel the need to be such a bitch just because I moved on?”
“I never wanted you to move on,” Lexi argued. “I wanted us to stay together.”
“It never would have worked out!” Vivien exclaimed incredulously. 
“You don’t know that!” 
“Yes, I do,” Vivien laughed, but it lacked any real humor. “We were awful for each other.”
“Says who?”
“Says anyone who looked at us for more than two minutes,” Vivien claimed as she pulled her sneakers on and laced them. “You were always telling me what to do and who I could or couldn’t hang out with and I got sick of your bullshit.”
A rage burned in Lexi’s golden eyes that nearly made Vivien flinch away, but the younger skater remained defiant. “You would’ve been lost without me telling you what to do all the time.”
As Vivien rose to her feet, she stepped closer to Lexi and lowly snarled, “You moving away was the best thing to happen to me.”
The next thing Vivien knew, her head was snapped to the right, a stinging throb gracing her left cheek as she stared blankly ahead. Her skin burned, her eyes watered so much she worried that her contacts would fall out, and just as though a switch had been flipped deep inside of her, Vivien felt an almost eerie calm pass through her body as the urge to return the gesture to the older girl bubbled inside of her like a pot of water boiling over. It wasn’t the first time Lexi had slapped her, but Vivien decided in that moment that it would certainly be the last. Vivien’s head slowly turned back toward Lexi, dark green eyes piercing through furrowed brows as she unclenched the fist she’d been squeezing and rallied all of her pent-up emotions into the single blow she delivered to the girl’s face.
Lexi’s face didn’t burn nearly as red as Vivien’s did, most likely due to her darker skin, but the shock in her eyes was more than enough to satiate the urge Vivien had to knock the girl flat on her ass. “You fucking slapped me!” Lexi screeched.
“And I would do it again in a heartbeat,” Vivien said so easily that it almost worried her. “However, there are plenty of cameras in here, just like there are in every arena. They’ll all show - very clearly, might I add - that you started this.” Lexi’s eyes flitted around the room, finding multiple cameras pointing in their general direction. Vivien felt a smirk tugging at her lips at the sight, but fought it back in order to remain composed. “Now, if you have nothing better to say, I’ll be leaving.”
Vivien grabbed her skates by the laces and began making her way to the hallway so she could grab something to eat from the vending machines before heading back to the hotel to shower, but Lexi wasn’t done just yet. “I bet your boyfriend just loves being with such a bitchy little freak.”
Despite the spiked bundle of nerves that settled in her stomach, Vivien was determined to act as though Lexi’s words meant nothing as she flipped the girl off over her shoulder and said, “It’s one of the many things he loves about me.”
When Lexi said nothing more, Vivien assumed the girl was done and quickly made her way through the hallways to the front door as soon as she was out of the girl’s sight, forgoing the vending machines as she knew nothing in them would stay down even if she forced herself to eat something small. As soon as the cold morning air hit her face, Vivien felt a shaky breath leave her. Silently making her way back to the hotel, Vivien felt a wave of determination rising within her. With every step she took, the urge to go straight to the room she knew Royce and Bentley were sharing with her brother grew stronger. She was done with the fear and stress Lexi continuously caused her just by existing. After Vivien arrived back at the overly large, ritzy hotel, she made her way through the groups of people at the check-out desk who were only there for the junior skate competitions and wouldn’t need to spend another night once the day was done. Once she finally reached the elevator, she pressed the floor she was staying on. Instead of turning toward her end of the long hall, she turned to the left and made her way to the second-to-last room on the right side of the hallway.
Vivien raised a fist to knock on the door, but it swung open before she got the chance. Much to her surprise, Abby stood in the doorway, her bewildered stare turning relieved as she said, “Mom’s been looking for you.”
“I left you a note telling you I was going to the rink,” Vivien sighed. 
Abby rolled her eyes, “I realize that, but you weren’t answering your phone when she called you, so she was just about ready to call in the SWAT team.” 
Vivien shook her head - of course, her mother had overreacted. “I turned my ringer off before I hit the ice.”
“Thought so,” Abby said with a smirk. “Olly and I were just getting ready to head over to the rink and drag you back to Mom.”
With a sigh, Vivien glanced into the room past her sister to see if she could spot her boyfriend, “I just need to talk to Royce for a bit before-”
“Don’t you think we should tell Mom that you’re back first?” Abby questioned.
“It’ll only take a few minutes for me to talk with him,” Vivien insisted, trying to step around her sister and into the room. “You two can go tell her and I’ll meet you in their room in a few.”
“No can do, Viv,” Oliver said as he came from a room off to the side that Vivien couldn’t see, presumably the bathroom. “Mom said to bring you to her once we found you and we don’t want to get in trouble.”
Before Vivien got the chance to argue her case, Royce stepped up behind Oliver with a small smile, “Hey, Vivien Leigh.”
Vivien felt herself relax as she smiled back at her boyfriend, “Hey, Rolls. Look, I need to tell you something, and-”
“Vivien Harley!” a voice hollered from the other end of the hall. Vivien deflated as she saw her mom marching down the hall toward them. “Why weren’t you answering your phone?”
Royce chuckled as the siblings moved out into the hallway, collectively shrinking under their mother’s firm stare. Vivien glanced back into the room and Royce held the door open as he suggested, “We can talk later if you want?”
Vivien felt ready to argue that, no, she didn’t want to talk later, she wanted to talk then and there, but after taking a glance back at her mother, she knew that wouldn’t be possible until she was done getting reprimanded. “Yeah,” she reluctantly agreed. “Yeah, that would be great.” Royce nodded and sent his girlfriend a reassuring grin before slowly closing the room door as Chelsea O’Brian closed the distance between herself and her children, ready to tell them off for something or another. Vivien sighed - their conversation would just have to wait for later.
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As the day went by, Vivien barely had a second to spend away from her family, her coach, or Riven, let alone have the chance to be alone with her boyfriend. Her practice with Riven was early and closed to the public, so she couldn’t sneak any talk with Royce then and, when she got the chance to leave the rink for the first time, her boyfriend was surrounded by his family and she only had a few moments to say hello to them all and answer their questions as to what had happened with her mother in the morning before she was dragged off to her private practice for her solo short program. With Riven as her choreographer, Vivien was grateful to be able to talk with him while she was practicing, but his topic of the day continued to circle around her relationship which didn’t do anything to keep Vivien's ricocheting nerves at bay.
“Have you talked to him yet?” he asked, skating alongside Vivien as she went through the end of her routine.
“Does it look like I’ve had the chance to?” Vivien sassed in return as she skated into a spin combination.
Riven watched her, reminding her to keep one of her turns tight before sighing, “Do you want me to put an extension on our little deal?”
Once Vivien ended her practice with her finishing pose, she answered, “No, I plan on doing it as soon as we’re out of here.”
“Do you want help?” Riven questioned, watching as the girl cleared her blades of shaved ice and tugged her leg warmers further over her knees.
Vivien stretched her arms over her head and sighed as Riven led her toward the rink gate, “Probably.”
A smirk appeared on Riven’s face as he handed Vivien her blade guards and said, “After you then, Pip.”
Vivien slid her guards into place, replaced her skates with her sneakers, and took a deep breath as she and Riven headed for the hallway. Once they found their way to the gymnasium where every other skater and their family were waiting to be let in, the intercom system called the next skater to practice and Vivien found her way through the masses of people to where her family, Riven’s dad, and Royce’s family were sitting and conversing. Before getting close enough to be pestered by their questions, Vivien glanced at Riven - who seemed almost excited about his role in her plan - and nodded to him, “Go ahead.”
As Royce stood to ask Vivien how her practice went, Riven ducked down in front of the teenager, wrapped an arm around his legs, and hauled him over his shoulder as he stood, earning a noise of shock from Royce who suddenly found himself facing Riven’s glorious backside instead of his girlfriend. “We’ll be back in a bit,” Vivien claimed to those who only watched the interaction in confused amusement. 
Royce used his arms as a brace against Riven’s spine as he watched his girlfriend follow Riven back into the hallway. “Where are we going?” he asked warily.
“To talk,” she told him with a small smile. “I’m sick of everything else getting in the way, so I asked Riven to help.”
With a confused nod, Royce chuckled softly, “And I couldn’t walk myself to wherever he’s bringing me?”
“That wasn’t part of my plan,” Vivien claimed, a faintly amused smirk appearing on her lips, “but I admire his enthusiasm, don’t you?”
Royce shook his head, a smile splitting his features, “I guess so.”
Without so much as a word coming from him, Riven pushed open a heavy door and set Royce back on the ground before nodding to himself and leaving the room. Before Vivien could close the door, she thanked Riven for his services and he nodded before heading to the vending machines at the end of the hallway. Vivien twisted the lock on the door into place to prevent any interruptions before glancing around at the locker room Riven had brought them to. She sat on one of the benches and gestured for Royce to join her before sighing, “I bet you’re wondering why I’m doing this.”
“I am,” Royce admitted with a hesitant nod. He took a moment to examine the seriousness on Vivien’s face before asking, “You’re not... you're not breaking up with me, are you?”
“What? No, of course not!” After a pause of hesitance, Vivien asked, “Why? Are you breaking up with me?”
“No, never,” Royce stated firmly. “Besides, you’re the one who brought me here, not the other way around.”
Vivien chuckled airily at the reminder, “Yeah, I guess I did.”
A silence fell over them and Royce watched as Vivien’s fingers mindlessly wove into the laces of her sneakers, twisting them around and tugging on them as she stared blankly into space. Not wanting to let her mind wander into, no doubt, negative territory, Royce took one of her hands in his and softly said, “If it’s too much, we can do it another time.”
Before Vivien could say anything, Riven’s voice came through the door - the older skater presumably leaning against the door, playing bodyguard for them, “No, she can’t!”
With a roll of her eyes, Vivien agreed, “He’s right. It’s something that I actually should have told you a long time ago. I was just worried that it would change things with us.”
“Whatever it is,” Royce began, “just know that nothing - and I mean nothing - could possibly change how I feel about you.”
The sincerity in Royce’s caramel eyes gave Vivien the validation that she was making the right decision. “Well,” she said after taking in a sharp breath, “you know that girl that’s been bothering us? Lexi?” Vivien waited for Royce to nod - a welcome roll of his eyes coming with it - before she said, “She was my girlfriend a few years before I met you.”
Vivien watched Royce’s expression change so quickly that she struggled to define each emotion that flashed across his face. She wondered what was going on inside his head. It was hard to tell how he was feeling or what he was thinking as he processed what he had been told, but Vivien tried her hardest to brace for whatever it was that he was going to tell her - good or bad. However, what came out as his response was nowhere on the list of potential things she thought he would say. “Is that why she acts like that? She’s jealous?”
Vivien took a moment to register what he said before asking, “What?”
Royce shrugged, “I mean, I could understand why she would be. You’re an incredible person and-”
“Woah, woah, wait,” Vivien sputtered, her brain struggling to catch up with Royce’s train of thought. “You’re not even going to react to what I said?”
An eyebrow raised as Royce tilted his head to the side, “What - about you and her being together before we met?” Vivien nodded slowly. A smile formed on Royce’s face once again as he reached up and took Vivien’s face in his hands, leaning closer until their foreheads touched. “I told you that nothing could change the way I feel about you and I meant that. Just because you had a girlfriend before doesn’t mean that you don’t love me now just as much as I love you.”
Vivien’s eyes snapped open at his words. He had never said something like that before - neither of them had. “You love me?” she muttered.
Royce’s eyes fluttered open as he backed away just enough to see her face properly, a shade of pale scarlet flushing his face as he meekly nodded, “I have for a long time now.”
All of the fear and stress Vivien had let build up inside of her washed away in an instant, a bubbling happiness spreading through her veins like liquid gold as she allowed herself to smile like an idiot at the boy sitting in front of her. While Vivien giggled like a spoiled child on Christmas morning, Royce watched her in nervous silence, waiting for her to say something, anything, in response to his words. Vivien didn’t leave him waiting for long and a blissfully idiotic, ridiculously huge smile spread across Royce's face as his girlfriend wrapped her arms around his shoulders, held him close, and softly said, “I love you too.”
Royce’s arms locked around Vivien’s middle, holding her as close as physically possible on the uncomfortable metal bench they were still perched on. It wasn’t the most romantic place they could’ve chosen to confess their love, but they didn’t need someplace over-the-top or romantic. They just needed each other. The pair stayed like that, perfectly content in one another's arms until a solid thump on the door reminded them that they weren’t totally alone.
“You two better not be going at it in there,” Riven warned through the door. “We have to be on the ice within an hour and I’m not covering for either of your asses if we get disqualified for being late.”
Vivien backed away from Royce with a huff, standing and unlocking the door before pulling it open and telling Riven, “Just because you’d do it with someone in a dingy locker room, doesn’t mean we would, you ass.”
“Love you too, Pip,” Riven said with a smirk. “Now, let’s go, lovebirds. If we take any longer, your family will think you two eloped or something.”
As Riven turned and stalked off down the hall, Vivien turned to Royce with a sigh and held out a hand for him to take. “You ready to go?”
“With you?” Royce asked rhetorically as he stood and laced his fingers with Vivien’s. He brought their joined hands up and placed a kiss on the back of her hand before swinging them back down between them. “Always.”
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lucysweatslove · 2 years
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I’m gonna be talking about weight, body image, disordered eating, health and medical anxiety, generally triggering things so I’m putting it under a read more. It’s really just a ramble and nothing worth reading- a brain dump for me more than anything else. For those who don’t want to read more but want to just know- I’m doing okay but life has had other plans and I may have something actually wrong health-wise which has been triggering for me.
So, way back in 2018 I gained like 30 lbs in 2 months (mid October to mid December). I was devastated. I had already gained 20-25 lbs or so during actual recovery from my disordered eating which I was doing on my own/without support, so I was really struggling. I was so ashamed of the weight gain and how I looked that I didn’t want to see my PCP (note: she was an NP, but that doesn’t impact what I think of her- I didn’t want to see her because of my own shame and thinking I should just be able to manage my weight on my own). So here I was sitting around 180-185 lbs and for the first time in my life actually obese, not sure how to cope. I was confused about how I could’ve gained that much so quickly- I didn’t buy Halloween candy that year, gained the weight before Christmas, and didn’t do thanksgiving festivities even. My eating habits hadn’t seemed to change, and there was no way I was suddenly that much less active. But still I blamed myself.
Not even a month later I started a new job and also decided I wanted to try to diet again because I hated my body’s new “fat” appearance. Except I was worried about calorie counting being triggering. I was newly married and planning our actual wedding, so while I wanted to be “shedding for the wedding” (VOMIT) I also didn’t want to go back to Hell aka rigid restrictive eating that would drive wedges in all of my relationships. I tried going back to the gym and eating a lot of chicken breast and veggies, thinking if I restricted TYPES of food I would be fine. LOL NOPE. I tried keto thinking it would be a way to not fixate on calories… this was unsustainable because I just didn’t have enough options and I LOVE LOVE LOVE fruit. Each attempt at whatever I did was met with initial weight loss and then extreme hunger, a big trip, some outing, my actual wedding, which would kick me out of that mindset and I’d gain it all back. At one point I thought it was my antidepressant (since it made it hard to care about anything), so I went off of that, had a bad reaction to another one, and then essentially didn’t have a medication for months. Including on my wedding.
By the end of 2019 I was essentially that same 180ish lbs, and I had decided I needed to “get my life back.” I got on a new antidepressant shortly after an illness, and I realized I was sitting on my hands waiting for somebody to give me permission to apply to med school. So I decided to face my insecurity regarding my “downward trend” (due to health reasons) in undergrad by… going to grad school. I applied in early 2020. I started to go back to the gym, count calories, I really thought it would be fine since I didn’t have fear foods anymore and felt “basically recovered.” Like, calories were the less extreme option because it gave room for me to eat all the foods I love.
And then I started getting back spasms, and the fevers started, and I started and graduated grad school, and then my husband needed new hips, and I got a new job, and littered in all of that were attempts to just mindfully eat more produce and love my body more. At one point in grad school, I admit to buying really low calorie dehydrated food packs to “make the most of my winter break” but it was absolutely MISERABLE to eat those and it got super cold and I just said nope, not going back. Throughout that time, I just thought that I was fat now, and that’s all anybody would see. I honestly doubted that my disordered eating was ever problematic MULTIPLE times because… I’m fat now? That’s literally it, that’s the whole reason I started to invalidate my own experience. School and work and health issues had really decreased my activity and focus on health and nutrition, I felt awful in my body physically, and I had no idea how to make any kind of actual healthy change because up until this point, and even at this point, I only knew “health and wellness” in two contexts: disease process and medicine, and dieting and exercise for “weight control.” Nobody I knew actually ate balanced diets if they weren’t actively trying to become or stay thin- it wasn’t “normal” or “natural.” Exercise? Same story except for actual athletes, but even those that I knew talked about weight control all the time.
Fast forward to 2022. I came into the new year feeling like I needed to make a change because of how I felt, but my husband and I were in counseling and I knew a major sticky point for us was my lack of going to med school. I think my desire to “make a change” was in large part about control because I didn’t feel like I had control over med school. I was CONVINCED in my mind that me being fat now made me a lesser candidate. I might get an interview, but I’d be judged on how fat I was and would instantly have a bias over me. I was tempted- truly- to drop to 800-900 calories a day with 2-3 hours of exercise and try to shed weight quickly. But I kept up searching for body positive and HAES content. I reminded myself of all I spoke on in my sports nutrition class- health has far less to do with our weight and size than our habits. At this point, I felt really good about body positivity. I made my focus on activities I love doing, getting good MICROnutrients (no deficiencies here), etc. This is when I “came back” to tumblr in early 2022.
I then started to feel the same way I did before- it was, once again, becoming a bit of an obsession, and my body was fatiguing. My heart quite literally felt off, and I was dizzy all the time. I thought maybe with everything, I was taking in too much potassium and a higher activity level. I gave my body time to rest and… I just stopped doing the things. Work got busy. I signed up to retake the MCATs. I got COVID.
Honestly at the end of Covid I was back to around 175lbs. I was feeling okay about that- it’s still “fat” but I was happy to be feeling healthier and I could FINALLY start studying. After my first COVID day where I had an episode of intense muscle pain where I could not move, I was totally fine with my weight. While I was starting to study, though, I noticed my blood pressure was low and I was still feeling kinda meh. I was hardly hungry, and my bathroom habits changed. I wasn’t too upset with this, since it meant I could study for longer at a time without getting distracted by bathroom trips, and I figured my high stress levels were playing a role by essentially halting that “rest and digest” I should’ve been in for way too long.
After I finished the test, my stress seemed to reduce, but my heath stuff didn’t. I had a week off work and decided I wanted to start hiking again, see waterfalls, etc. And so I did. While I loved it, I kept feeling really dizzy all the time. I focused on getting more salt in my diet and making sure I was eating some carbs before and after the trial. My appetite improved, but my GI tract still felt sluggish. Often, I would feel actually hungry, but I’d also feel like my stomach was way too full. My reflux was really bad at this time, and that also made my nasal issues worse. My sleep suffered a ton, and I would spent 11 hours in bed because it would take me 3 just to fall asleep. I also noticed my lower stomach had fresh new red stretch marks.
At this point now, now only can I barely breathe out my nose most of the time, but my nose is bleeding often (just slight, small bleeds- no dripping really). I’ve tried PPIs and H2 agonists to help with the reflux. Honestly, as gross as this sounds, the only thing that helps is actually going to the bathroom? But usually when I go, it doesn’t all feel “out.” I’ve taken two laxative doses in the past couple of months to get some longer lasting relief. I visited my sister for a week (got back a week ago), and while down there, I realized my shorts that I bought to fit me last summer felt tight in the tummy. I thought it must be constipation or something similar, or heat edema, but it still was not fun to feel that “fat.” Also, I realized my 34G bras were getting tight, even on the band size, so that was extra weird. Even my sports bras weren’t fitting right. Usually a band in a L is too loose but I put up with it to fit my breasts, but between July to now, the bands starting getting tighter. Which means gain.
I weighed myself this morning at 195.8 lbs. literally the heaviest I have ever been. Up 20 lbs in the 2 months post-COVID, and that’s with me hiking more AND I started physical therapy for my back. Husband was confused and said something seemed wrong- because that’s a lot of weight to gain and he hasn’t seen me eat THAT much. He encouraged me to talk to my doctor, but I’m still convinced all they will say is that CLEARLY I’m lying about my intake and tell me to track calories and try to lose weight.
I’m also going to a water park this weekend, so I tried on my bathing suits, and none fit in a way I’d be comfortable with. A couple bottoms fit, but I realized all my tops didn’t- none of them have cups big enough to cover up my nipples in a secure enough manner, so I’d be constantly worried about “wardrobe malfunctions.”
I’m having kind of a hard time with all of this, but I’m trying right now to make sure I have clothes that fit my current body first. My mantra rn is “I deserve clothes that fit my body right now.” So I bought a size up in the shorts I bought last summer- I hope that will work. I also ordered 6 new tops in bra sizes, instead of the normal S/M/L/XL sizes, because I need them to actually fit. I got 3 tops in 2 different sizes after measuring- 36 bands and, because I’m kind of worried about how that will fit since there aren’t the 3 rows of hooks and too tight is far more noticeable than too loose, 38 bands too, just in case. I’m just praying that one size will fit me, and then I’ll return the ones in the other size since they were expensive.
Other than the new clothes for the water park, I feel a bit at a loss. On one hand I physically feel somewhat unwell quite often, and I’ve ran through the lists of potential culprits from anything from something as benign as stress to something as serious as a Cushing’s syndrome (such as from an ACTH-releasing tumor). Part of me is also terrified I may have diabetes now, even though I’ve never had any signs of pre-diabetes before now, but I’m thinking possible PCOS which can lead to insulin resistance. The obvious answer is “talk to my PCP,” and in general my PCP now is great, but I have an appointment in October and really don’t want to have any “preventable” disease and I feel like I need to be “doing all the right things” prior to seeing her anyway. And I’m scared, too, that when she suggests things like dieting, I will just burst into tears because the idea of what that means is… I guess invalidating to me.
Here’s the reality: finding yourself obese after eating disorder recovery is tricky enough as is. If I bring up the fact that I have struggled with my relationship with food and exercise, people automatically assume that I binge eat and just DON’T exercise/have never had the “discipline” to make myself exercise even if I don’t like it. They treat me like a liar when I clarify. When I bring up the couple periods of rapid weight gain with people who know and understand my history, I’m still told that I probably just didn’t realize how much I ate because I wasn’t actively tracking my calories and weighing my food. I’m constantly told maybe I just don’t have the willpower or discipline other people have, and I need to cultivate that, but that’s not a problem- the problem is I will take that “willpower” or “discipline” to a level that leaves me and the people around me absolutely miserable.
When I was thinner- “healthy weight” with a BMI around 21- nobody said those things to me. My mom not included (as she will find some way to criticize my appearance), I was never told my heath problems were BECAUSE of my body, or that if I gained 5 lbs over a couple weeks it was because of my eating habits (“oh I’m sure it’s just water weight from extra salt”) and that I was CLEARLY lying about my intake. And I was never told I needed to go on a very low calorie diet and exercise more if I complained about constipation.
Idk I feel like I have to do so much more for people to even consider that something might be wrong with my health other than being fat, and often what I have to do is really psychologically damaging, and nobody wants to admit that.
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katya-goncharov · 3 years
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at this point the entire city i grew up in could be swallowed up by a vat of homophobic black goo and i'd probably find out via destiel tumblr
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thesolferino · 3 years
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Hell On Earth
⤷ dream x f!reader.
⤷ genre: fluff
⤷ word count: 3.2k
⤷ requested: yes, by this lovely anon!
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— summary: you barge into clay’s office to complain about his broken air conditioner, unaware that he’s streaming.
Florida was hell.
You liked to say it as a joke, during October when the rest of the world was freezing, during December when the insane temperatures finally went back under control, and the sun granted you its blessing of a refreshing gust of wind every now and then. You liked to say it as a joke, mostly, but God, did you mean it whenever summer would creep around the corner and you’d get reminded of why you told your boyfriend so often that the devil must’ve left hell, came down to America, and bought himself a nice penthouse in Florida.
It lived up to its title of the hottest state in the US, by far, considering the hellish temperatures that constantly made you dizzy whenever June rolled around. You had great air conditioning in your apartment, though, and as soon as the sun started burning skin, plants, water, and everything in its way, you and your college roommate would lounge at your place as the air conditioner blew cold wind and thank the lord (and the person who invented AC, bless his heart) for providing you with at least one blessing during these trying times.
So, of course that as soon as summer came about, your air conditioning conveniently broke.
Your roommate was out of the apartment within two days, flying to her family in Wisconsin, bidding you farewell as she left you to cook like a raw chicken in your shared apartment. Thankfully, you had a boyfriend - and what a boyfriend he was.
You don’t like to brag, but at these moments, you feel grateful to the universe and whoever else is looking over you for providing you with a rich boyfriend, with quite a big, echo-y house, and air conditioning made of pure heaven. As soon as your roommate packed your bags, you packed yours too, - if one backpack filled with makeup, your laptop, meds, underwear and hopes that he’d let you steal all of his clothes could count as “bags” - locked the apartment and left, ready to leave the AC on snowman temperature for two days minimum and ignore all his complaints.
Bad luck seemed to follow you everywhere, though, because you were there for merely three days when the air conditioning started stuttering.
You were sprawled on the cold sheets of his bed, listening to the low hum of the AC as you scrolled through your phone, his white T-shirt sticking to your back, the cold air cooling the sheen of sweat that covered your body, leaving goosebumps all over. One of your fingers started lazily petting Patches’ stomach, and you could faintly hear Clay talking in the background, the sounds coming from his office.
“Thank you for the gifted subs! Um, yeah, it’s really hot here, I can barely, like, breathe in here. I have the AC on at highest, but all it’s doing is giving me a headache. Even-even my water bottle is completely hot.” You heard him rant and chuckled, turning on your side and continuing to scroll through random videos.
You sort of tuned out his talking, knowing he’d most likely be cooped up in that office for hours before your shared dinner, and started watching random YouTube videos, ignoring your surroundings as you shoved your earbuds in your ears. 
The longer the videos lasted, the more you felt like you were suffocating. The heat crawled up on you slowly, sneakily, almost unnoticeable yet undeniably there, hand made up of pure fire gripping at your throat tighter and tighter. It started off seamlessly, with you rolling around, trying to find a new cold spot on the sheets, to pulling at the shirt, trying to create cold air to soothe you, to wiping the sweat that basically covered your entire forehead, when your eyes finally peeled away from your phone and you realised you were basically choking in the heat, feeling like you’re breathing fire. 
You lift your head off the bed way too quickly, head pounding, and look at the one thing meant to save you from this madness - just to see it leaking water down the wall, barely coughing out any air. Your head miserably falls back down on the bed, hands rubbing at your face, dangerously close to both crying and screaming in distress. After a few moments of self-wallowing, you get up and make your way over to your boyfriend’s office, being met with nothing but silence as you walked to it, happy he ended the stream so you could complain and wail to him, possibly cool down using the AC in his office. 
You slam the door open, seeing him hunched over in his gaming chair, Minecraft open as usual, and as soon as he takes one headphone off, turns around and sends a surprised but oddly panicked gaze your way, you start ranting.
“Babe, you won’t believe what just happened.” you said, rubbing a hand over your face again, eyes closing as you feel the coldness - in comparison to the living hell that was his bedroom right now - of the room wash over you. You don’t even let him speak before you continue.
“The fucking AC in your bedroom just broke. It’s leaking right now.”
Clay looks like he wants to say fifteen words at once, and the first one that comes out is: “What?”
“I swear. I was watching something on my phone, and I realised it’s crazy hot, so I looked up and realised it’s broken. Why does this happen to me!” you complained, and he tried pulling his headphones off for a second but instead pulled the cord out of the computer entirely, letting you hear everything that goes on in his headphones.
It’s silent for a second or two, before you hear a familiar voice.
“Dream.” you hear a British man with an awfully posh accent speak, and your eyes meet Clay’s in pure horror and realisation, when you slap a hand over your mouth. He looks as equally terrified as you, but also disappointed, because oh, that’s why he looked so panicked when you stormed in.
Then you hear another voice, equally British, but higher pitched. They laugh. “Is that Drista?”
Clay seems to snap back into reality, turning around towards the computer and adjusting his mic before speaking. “No- it’s- Tommy she said babe, why would Drista call me babe?”
“You’re so stupid, he was trying to help you.” You hear his long-time friend, Sapnap, deadpan, and you can practically feel all of them freaking out, while you stand in the doorway in horror, cheeks heating up despite the fully working AC.
Another laugh. “No, I wasn’t, I was genuinely asking. Why- Sapnap, why would I be helping Dream?” 
“Dream, you are so stupid.” you hear George laugh into his mic and your boyfriend immediately starts stuttering, trying to defend himself.
“How-how am I stupid?! She’s the one who walked in, what was I supposed to do?” you lean against the doorway as he defends himself, head buried in one of your hands.
“Mute!” you hear Sapnap borderline yell, almost mad. 
“Wait- I don’t get what’s going on- Does Big D have a girlfriend?” you hear the British boy, Tommy, ask, and all of them go silent for a few seconds before a loud, screeching laugh breaks out through the speakers, and when Clay turns around to look at you, all you can do is mouth an apology as you almost break out into laughter at how ridiculous the whole thing is.
“Oh my God, chat is going crazy right now.” George says while Tommy is laughing his lungs out in the background, still.
“Did you actually- did she actually- oh my GOD, Dream has a girlfriend! I can’t believe this!” Tommy keeps on laughing, coughing between sentences. “Dream stans, I am so sorry, this must be just a terrible, terrible day for you all.” 
“You’re probably already trending on Twitter, dude.” Sapnap adds, sounding more worried than your own boyfriend did at the moment.
“It was bound to happen at some point, I guess.” he huffs out, turning around to look at you every so often, gesturing for you to close the door and come in, which you did, guilt weighing you down as you moved.
“Are you serious? Can I- Can I speak to your girlfriend, Dream?” you can practically hear the grin in the boy’s voice and Clay doesn’t even turn to you before replying.
“No, you can’t.” 
“Oh, come on! You let me speak to your mum but not your girlfriend? Just for a little bit, please? I just- I just wanna see which lucky woman managed to get the attention of the Minecraft God, Dream himself. That’s it.” Tommy asks and you don’t even have it in you to laugh because of the anxiety that eats away at you, but then Clay sighs. 
“...Fine, I guess.” he looks up at you. “D’you wanna speak to Tommy?” 
You’re not quite sure what the expected answer is, but you shrug, gaze darting from his eyes to the computer, and then back to him. “Um… I don’t mind, I guess.” 
You hear him sigh and plug the headphones back into the computer, handing them to you. “Alright, she said yes. Here you go.” he stands up out of the chair and lets you sit, placing the way too big headphones on your head as your heart races, standing closely by your side as you roll the chair further towards the desk and microphone.
“Um… hello?” you shyly speak, and you hear something like groans of mixed annoyance, confusion and nervousness coming from George and Sapnap as Tommy starts laughing immediately, greeting you loudly. 
“HELLO, DREAM’S GIRLFRIEND!” you hear him yell in response as your shaky hands land on the keyboard, moving his character left and right. 
“Is the AC really broken?” Sapnap asks and you hear George laugh in response, considering how unimportant that information is right now. You know both of them, obviously - you’ve talked to them more than a few times, joining in on their jokes when Clay talks to them on speaker, growing as close as one can with their boyfriend’s friends.
“Yeah, it is. The AC in here is really good, though. Maybe I should stay and just take over the Dream channel.” You joke and they laugh.
“Yeah, I mean it would probably be better. A woman owning the Dream channel would make it so much better. The views would skyrocket.” Tommy says and you see his character walk up to you before he randomly laughs again.
“I can’t believe- I can’t believe Dream actually has a girlfriend. Is he, like, paying you to do this, or are you really…” he trails off and you giggle at his question, switching tools in the hotbar as you try to figure out how to play the game again.
“No, he’s not. We are dating, yes.” you confirm with a nod, and you feel Clay’s elbow sink into the chair, almost trying to listen.
“Say 1 if he’s keeping you hostage.” he says and you laugh again, shaking your head.
“No, he’s not- he’s not keeping me hostage.” you reply and you hear Clay go “WHAT?” right behind you.
“Well, of course, of course, I mean, who could ever pass up dating the great Dream. With all those subscribers, and Twitch primes, and Minecraft skills. Did- did his Minecraft skills get you?” Tommy asked, but before you could even respond, Sapnap jumped into the conversation.
“Oh yes, absolutely. She loves it. Yes, Dream, speedrun faster!” he sarcastically replies and for a few moments the whole call is blown into loud laughter, screeching and yells before it quiets down.
“Yes, what Sapnap said. I was so impressed, he just blew me away, with um… with his, um, Manhunt skills? I dunno, I don’t play Minecraft.” you hear him laugh at “Manhunt skills” behind you as the rest of the boys start laughing too.
“Dream’s girlfriend doesn’t play Minecraft?! What?! Dream- how could he allow this, seriously…” Tommy argued dramatically, his character staring at yours - or rather Clay’s.
“I can’t imagine if we were both Minecraft players, that would be a nightmare.” you replied.
“Why?” you heard George laugh through the headphones.
“Who do you think peels him away from the damn computer? If I was just like him we would never get out of the house, probably.” you argued.
“Dreamfriend, what is Dream like, you know, in real life?” Tommy spoke up and you heard George giggle again.
“Dreamfriend?” you repeated, a grin forming on your face at his stupidity, finally deciding to move the character around and switch back to the sword in the hotbar.
“Yes! Dream’s girlfriend, Dreamfriend, Dreamgirl, Girldream, whatever you like.” Tommy said and you laughed.
“Dream girl… if I wanted to get clout off Dream I’d use that, that’s genius.” 
“Thanks, I know I’m a genius, everyone tells me so.” Tommy claims and you shake your head, checking your boyfriend’s inventory to see if there’s anything interesting in there.
“Alright, I’m gonna check on the AC, I’ll be back in a second.” Clay says to you, before lowering himself to the mic so the boys could hear him. “Tommy, don’t do anything stupid, okay?”
“Oh you know it, big man! I’d never!” Tommy yells back, despite Clay being unable to hear him, and he leaves the office with one last, quick kiss to your temple.
“Is he gone?” Tommy asks, and you nod and hum, despite him not being able to see you.
“Okay, so you don’t play Minecraft, right?” he asks.
“No, I don’t.” you reply.
“So there’s this really cool thing, right. If you just go in and type /op tommyinnit, there’s this thing that’s gonna-” Tommy doesn’t get to finish his sentence before he’s cut off by Sapnap, whose character suddenly appears in front of you.
“No, no, no, no, don’t trust him, you should-” Sapnap cuts in, but Tommy still loudly protests in the background.
“BE NICE TO OUR GUEST, SAPNAP! Let her do what she wants! She is Dream’s girlfriend after all, the most powerful woman.” Tommy claims and you laugh, sort of blushing from all the attention. You don’t even dare to check the chat or the donations that come in from Twitch, because it must be blowing up by now. As if he can hear your thoughts, George speaks too.
“Oh my God, Dream’s already trending on, like, five different spots on Twitter.” he says, and you instinctively grab your phone to check, before you can even think about it.
“What?” you and Sapnap both say in sync.
“Yeah, ‘Dream’ is trending #2 worldwide, and ‘Dream girlfriend’ is #4.” he lets out a shocked laugh.
“Oh my God…” you mutter out in both excitement, nervousness and dread as you open Twitter and confirm that George is indeed correct. You don’t even dare to press on either of the trends, simply turning off your phone with a sigh and moving back to stream.
“Wow, you’re famous now! How does it feel?” Tommy asks and you let out a quite dry laugh.
“Amazing. I can feel my value as a person increasing as we speak.” you respond sarcastically and hear George quietly laugh in the background.
Just then, you hear the door to the office opening again, but you ignore it because Tommy starts speaking.
“Okay, well, I’m sure that must be very fun and exciting for you, but I really will need you to type in /op tommyinn-” 
“No! I’m not listening to you, Tommy! I’m not about to type in some stupid command and get yelled at!” you cut in, but he keeps on whining.
“Come on, we know Big D would never yell at his… beloved girlfriend! Listen, just do it, I promise he will not be mad.” he argues.
“What does /op even mean?” you ask out loud, and suddenly Clay is yelling behind you. 
“Who is asking you to op them? Give me the headset!” he says, one hand already tugging at the headphones as you laugh while Tommy panics.
“Well, it was fun talking to you guys, but I have to go. Bye!” you bid them farewell and heard George and Sapnap say goodbye as well while Tommy yelled, and you took off the headphones and passed them to Clay who immediately put them on and adjusted them, plopping back into the chair. You left, moving to the living room to process everything that happened and abandon your phone for the next few hours because you were not ready for that type of attention in the slightest.
You laid in front of the TV, watching random shows on Netflix and grabbing a few snacks from the kitchen while you could still clearly hear him yelling and streaming, wondering how he’s still going as if nothing happened. The temptation to check what people were saying was overwhelming to the point your hands were itching to grab your phone and open all social media - before you even realised it, you were on the trending page again, thumb tapping on the “Dream girlfriend” tab. 
You braced yourself for the worst, but that’s not what came at you - sure, there were a couple of tweets telling people to lay off you, and delusional shippers getting ratioed, but they were mostly positive, lighthearted jokes, from single people making jokes about how a Minecraft YouTuber can get bitches but they can’t, to people calling you cute/funny. One hate comment obviously stings more than a million positive comments make you happy, but they were mostly misogynists calling you annoying for the roughly five sentences you spoke on stream or shippers disappointed that their favorite YouTuber isn’t gay, so you didn’t really let it get to you. 
When the house finally quieted down the sun was lowering itself into darkness and melting into a pot of blinding orange and golden honey, and you heard Clay’s footsteps when he finally turned off the stream, stepping into the living room a few seconds after you heard him. He sat down on the couch next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you close to him, sitting there in silence with you.
“So… that was something.” he finally broke the silence and you nodded.
“It really was.” 
Another beat of silence passes.
“I’m sorry, baby, but I really need you to stop breaking all these ACs.”
“I’M NOT THE ONE BREAKING THEM-”
“Sorry, but I’m noticing a pattern here.” he wheezed, obviously just trying to get you riled up as you pulled away so his hand gets ripped off your shoulder.
“Shut up. You better have called someone to repair that damn thing, cause there is no way we’re sleeping in there without an AC.” you huffed, and he shuffled closer to you, arm wrapping itself around your shoulders once again.
“I did, they’re coming by tomorrow.” he assured.
“Tomorrow?” you asked, looking at him in disbelief. “How are we gonna sleep tonight?”
“Who says we have to sleep?” the glint in his eye and the stupid grin plastered on his face tells you everything you need to know, and you roll your eyes.
“If we fuck, I’ll actually die of overheating. Absolutely not.”
“Well in that case, I need to get that AC fixed as soon as possible.”
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nctsworld · 3 years
Text
the yuletide boyfriend
✩‌ yangyang ‌x‌ ‌reader‌ ‌|‌ fluff | angst | smut | friends to lovers | ‌college au | 9k
SUMMARY‌ ‌⇾‌ your one wish this year is to not be single during the holidays. yangyang, as your best friend, takes it upon himself to be your temporary boyfriend. soon enough, both parties begin to wish this new arrangement could last beyond the holidays. // part of the x-mas in ncity collection WARNINGS‌ ‌⇾‌ implied ‌anxiety attack (during the first part of dec 24th – skip if need to), smut, mutual m*sturbation, couch s*x, angst, miscommunication, swearing RATING‌ ‌⇾‌ mature TAGLIST ⇾ @infnteen​ 
AUTHOR’S NOTE ⇾ this is my longest fic to date and also... might be my worst b/c i feel like the angst plot points don’t really make sense... but i hope y’all still enjoy!!! 
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⇾ gif created by me, please don’t share or repost without credit!
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NOVEMBER 30th
“So, anything special on your wishlist this year?”
Your best friend, Yangyang, asks you as you two sit next to each other on one of the many plush lounge couches in the Psychology building. It’s the usual lunch spot where you meet with him during your break between lectures.
The Psych building held much sentimental value for both of you because you met in Psych 101 during first year. Fast-forward three years later, neither of you expected to be the close friends that you are today.  
Chewing your sandwich, you ponder on his question for a bit. Through the transparent glass walls leading to outside, you see the trickle of students heading towards the building since class is about to start for the noon round of lectures. A couple, you assume by the tight hand-holding and nose kissing, giggles as they enter the building, glued to one another by the hip.
“Not really.” You drop your head downward to your lunch container, smiling to yourself. “I’m honestly just happy to have Mark in my life, especially at this point in the year.”
Yangyang nods in accordance and smiles too, understanding the story behind your sentiment.
The boyfriends you’ve had since first year have always broken up with you before the holidays, right before the end of November. Since you only became close during second year, Yangyang’s been around for two out of three of your cursed holiday break-ups.
To have Mark, your latest boyfriend, be with you and it being already December tomorrow, it was truly a blessing for you and a silver lining that maybe this was the year to break the curse. Yangyang was grateful too, wanting you to have the utmost happiness.    
You take another bite of your sandwich and tilt your chin toward the ramen eater.
“You?”
Yangyang slurps a few more noodles before he answers.
“I mean, the new Playstation would be nice,” he hums, mouth full.
Pointing the tip of your sandwich, you joke, “I’ll get it for you, but only if we share custody over it.”
“Mm-mm,” he shakes his head during a mid-slurp. “You know I can’t promise that.”
Both of you laugh in unison, living in the calm before the oncoming storm.
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DECEMBER 5th
The E-Sports club for the university is hosting a party tonight and because Yangyang’s on one of the professional teams, he asked a few weeks ago if you and Mark wanted to attend. Of course you accepted; Mark also had some friends in the club.
However, when you text Yangyang in the afternoon, stating a change of mind, he knows something’s off.
Half an hour before the party starts, Yangyang decides to visit you. Thankfully you both lived on campus, but even if you lived across town, he’d still bus out to see how you were doing. He does it all the time to visit his family, anyway.  
In the living room, the two sudden knocks at your door startle you. Peering through the peephole, you see the usual sight of your best friend, his lips curled upward and thumbs tucked in his pockets as he rocks on the balls of his feet.
It feels like an eternity for him when you unlock your door. The hinges squeal as you open it hesitatingly, your face barely appearing through the agape crack.
Immediately, his smile dissolves. Your face is drained and blood-shot eyes avoiding his own confront him.
Yangyang has only seen you cry twice in the three years he’s known you:
Once, when you were freaking the fuck out over potentially failing a course (but, on the upside, you ended up passing the final to save your grade).
The second time was at his house for a family dinner, when his mom accidentally added too much hot chili sauce to her homemade beef noodle soup (let’s just say you weren’t the only one crying that night).
Those were tears of dread and physical discomfort.
But this… this was crying he’s never seen from you before. His chest collapses inward, fearful of the reason behind your tears.  
His voice shakes as he asks, “What happened? Are you okay?”
Neither of you are major huggers and only exchange them on the rare occasion.
However, this situation screams the necessity of it, so Yangyang lunges towards you, the collision swinging the door out of the way. His arms embrace you like a large, warm blanket. Comforting and safe.  
Despite the affection, emptiness has taken over your body. Tonight, you’re a dead, empty shell of who you normally are.
You feel weak to the bone, but you muster up enough energy to scarcely raise your arms over his back to return the hug. Your eyes are dry from all the crying you’ve done all day, but apparently you have more tears left in you to spare.
Your eyelids snap shut and your jaw clenches.  
“Mark broke up with me.”
Your words are muffled into his shoulder, but Yangyang hears it crystal clear.  
You break down, sobbing out of control over the statement.
As aforementioned, Yangyang’s been around for your last two, now three, break-ups. Sure, he’s aware of how grumpy and distant you can get, but you never cried in front of him. You made an effort to never have him see you at your lowest point.
And yet, here you are, drowning him in your misery. Guilt washes over you for drenching his bomber jacket, but Yangyang couldn’t give two shits. His arms squeeze tighter while he rubs your back tenderly.
After several minutes pass and your waterworks abate, you peel away from him. You sniffle and rub your nose with the back of your hand.
“Sorry about cancelling last minute.”
“Hey, no need to apologize,” he whispers soothingly.
“I’m just… so fucking frustrated.”
With fatigued eyes, you drag yourself back inside your apartment. Yangyang discreetly closes the door behind him and hurriedly uses his feet to push off his shoes. As he does so, your mouth begins to run off while you slowly pace around aimlessly.  
“Fucking done with boyfriends, especially when they think it’s so fucking awesome to keep breaking up with me right before the holidays.”
He kicks off his last stubborn shoe and catches you raking your hands through your hair, pulling it back firmly. Your lips are trembling, along with your entire frame.  
“Like I get that I’m horrible and needy and emotional—”
His mouth opens, wanting to cut in to disagree with you with all his heart, but he clamps it back shut and swallows, allowing you to blow your steam off.
“—but can’t they wait until the fucking new year? I don’t know, or maybe just don’t date me in the first place! I don’t know, I don’t fucking know anymore. I’m just cursed, Yangyang...”
You flop down onto the couch and sink into the ocean of shiny pleather, shutting your eyes and trying to stop crying for the nth time. The deep sting behind your eyelids pain you, but it pains Yangyang more to watch the events unfolding ahead of him.  
Unsure of what to say, Yangyang walks around the room. His gaze falls on your laptop screen and he frowns at the mostly bare Word document that stares back at him:  
“WISHLIST:   -KEEP ONE (1) FUCKING BOYFRIEND DURING THE CHRISTMAS SEASON!!!!!!!! GOD FUCKING SDKMFLDS”
There are a few more lines below it with more profanities and keyboard smashing. He quickly darts away, a pang of guilt striking for invading your privacy.
Then, he turns to you on the couch again. You’re now covering your eyes with your forearm, pressing your lips together. His chest twists and his throat is arid as a desert.
You’re in shambles and he’s dying to pick up the shattered pieces of you, wants to glue you back together. On a regular basis, Yangyang’s a talking machine and can talk your ear off for hours, but right now, he doesn’t know what to say to you in your current state. He second-guesses himself, wonders if he’s even that great of a friend if he can’t comfort you in your worst times.
Blowing out a long sigh and removing your arm, you speak aloud, “You should get going to the party.”
Like awakening from a deep slumber, you rise up sluggishly and sit up on the couch, slouched over. The other figure in the room steps closer to you.  
“Sorry about your jacket, by the way,” you say. Your body is still, but your glazed eyes move to the dark spot on the middle of his shoulder. He glances at it and shrugs.  
“It’s better like this anyway,” he says with a gentle smile, and the tight knot in his heart softens at the flicker of your own smile, albeit a small one. Unfortunately, it fades in a few seconds. “I don’t want to leave you like this, though.”
You stare at the used, crumpled balls of tissues scattered on the living room table. Some also ended up on the floor. Break-ups are shit and 98% inevitable, but you know you’ll eventually get over it. You always do.
“I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”
He raises an eyebrow, as if asking, “Are you sure?” The lack of a worded reply causes you to notice the question written on his face.  
“Go,” you plead with a feeble laugh. “Have fun for me.”
Both of you head towards your front door again. Crossing your arms, you lean your head against the door frame and attempt a smile for your best friend.
“Thanks again for checking up on me.”
Yangyang nods with a half-smile, half-pout, “Of course.”
You give him a departing wave prior to sealing your door.
Usually, Yangyang would bus from your place to the student union building, where the party is being held. Instead, he zippers up his jacket and stuffs his fists into his pockets, opting to bear the early winter chill to walk his thoughts off. His blazing self-doubt burns at first, but he overcomes it by focusing on ideas to fix your accursed dating rut instead.  
Halfway through the walk, a light bulb moment occurs. A plan begins to brew on the surface of his mind and he thinks on it for the rest of the week.  
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DECEMBER 11th
It’s been almost a week since you last saw Yangyang.
Finals started already, so classes were done for the semester and thus, your lunch meet-ups halted too. On top of that, since you were simultaneously moping and studying, you hadn’t really texted him much, nor had he, besides the occasional check-up text on how studying was going and random memes. Yangyang knew you preferred time alone to heal and he respected that.  
He also thought six days was enough time to get yourself back on your feet.  
Yangyang’s at your front door once again, but this time with two bowls of his mom’s beef noodle soup in tow.  
“Long time, no see,” you greet. Your tone is chipper, but your eyes look heavy, which could be partially from studying, Yangyang thinks. His smile deepens, content that you seem a lot better than the last time he visited.
“Delivery for two,” he raises the bag in his hand.
“And if I told you I already ate dinner?” you playfully retort.
The boyish man shrugs defeatedly, “Then I’ll tell my mom you hate her cooking—”
“You didn’t say it was your mom’s, Yangyang. Oh, my God,” you gasp, half-mockingly. You rush to grab the bags out of his hand and stroll towards your tiny kitchen. “Start off with that next time.”
As you remove the containers from the bag and onto the granite countertop, Yangyang shuts the door and takes his shoes off.  
“So, I’m gonna be upfront and say that I may have come here with a proposal.”
“Changed your mind about the shared custody of the Playstation?”
“I’m still considering that one.” Finally in his socks, he slings his backpack off his shoulder and plops it onto the couch along with his jacket. He stands next to you by the counter. “But it’s on the same page as that. Remember that day we were talking about wishlists?”
“Mm-hmm,” you hum as you rip off the lid of one of the bowls. Blatant wisps fly upward and you inhale the savoury aroma, followed by a heavenly sigh.  
“Last time I was here… I might’ve seen what you wrote on your laptop.”
Your expression immediately changes into full-on cringe. You bring a palm over to your face.
“Oh, God. Let’s not talk about that. That was just weepy, lonely me talking.”
Yangyang pops off the lid for his bowl and steps into your kitchen, rummaging through your drawers for chopsticks. “So you’re telling me you don’t want a boyfriend for Christmas?”
Your hand flies off your face. Eyes widening, you spew, “Do you have a boyfriend in your pocket, ready for me to have?”
In your open hand, he places a pair of chopsticks into it. “Well, actually, I was thinking—”
Sternly, you point the chopsticks at him. “Don’t you dare set me up with your friends.”
He counters and points his at you, “Even better than that.”
With your interest piqued, you slide yourself onto the counter stool and mix the noodles around, anticipating to hear Yangyang’s fantastic plan. Your friend sits on the other stool, facing you. He pauses for a second, taking a deep breath.  
“Why don’t I be your boyfriend for the holidays?”
You freeze, and the noodles’ drips above your bowl are deafening to both individuals. Laughing awkwardly, you break your frozen state to drop your chopsticks and turn your head to look at him.
Sputtering, you say, “What?”
Unnerved, his mouth pinches to one side, thinking maybe he shouldn’t have even said anything in the first place. This was stupid, so stupid, but it’s out in the open and Yangyang already dug his grave—he may as well lay in it.  
“Well, for one, it’s something on your wishlist that I can easily get,” he pauses mid-sentence, glancing upward in thought. “Well, really, fill? Is that a better way to put it?”
He continues, eyes back on you, “And two, I’m not setting you up with a stranger or someone you wouldn’t be comfortable with. I assume you know me well enough that you’re comfortable around me?”
Yangyang lifts an upturned palm and raises an eyebrow, waiting for a response to his assumption. Petulantly, you shake your head playfully and stick out your tongue at him.  
Rubbing the back of his neck, his gaze drops down to the floor for his last point. His voice lowers.
“And, I don’t know, we’d just hang out like we usually do during that time, except we’d do more couple-y things.”
Realizing the implication of his words, he widens his eyes. “I mean, we'll do whatever you’re comfortable with, obviously. We don’t have to do any of the physical stuff—”
You burst into a giggle at his rambling and hold a hand out, cutting him off. “Okay, Yang. I get it.”  
Yangyang watches your next moves carefully. You’re peering off to one side and picking at the tips of your fingers. After a minute that feels like forever, you nod slowly.
“I guess you have a point. We are sorta like a couple already.”
Your best friend sighs in relief, grinning that you’re not outright rejecting the idea.
“So,” you meet his eyes and bunch a shoulder up towards your ear. “We’ll just be a couple until what, New Year’s?”
“Yeah, sure,” he shrugs indifferently. “Whatever you want. It’s your Christmas wish.”
You chuckle and shake your head in disbelief that you two are actually making an agreement for Yangyang to be your temporary, holiday boyfriend.
Honestly, it’s a little crazy... but maybe it’s the perfect thing to get your mind off of Mark and the handful of holiday exes hanging above your head.
“Okay, since my last final is on the 21st, let’s start ‘dating’ then and we’ll play everything by ear, see how it goes.”
Yangyang bobs his head eagerly. “Sounds good, soon-to-be girlfriend.”
He sticks a hand out for you to shake. You take it firmly, sealing the deal and flashing him a grin.
“Soon-to-be boyfriend.”  
Although the night goes on like usual between the two of you, you couldn’t deny how ecstatic you are to finally have a boyfriend during the holidays, even if it was technically your best friend as a stand-in.
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DECEMBER 21st
Tonight’s your first date with Yangyang.
That sounds weird to say, you admit to yourself, but it’s the truth.
After you stroll out of your last final of the semester, Yangyang’s waiting for you inside near the main exit of the building with several layers on, including his hoodie over his head and a knitted scarf underneath. His attention leaves his phone and he stuffs it into pocket as he notices you heading over.  
“Hey, girlfriend,” he welcomes you, beaming.
You snicker at the unfamiliar label. You wonder if you’re going to get used to this, even if it’s only for two weeks.  
“Hey, boyfriend,” you grin harder as the word falls from your lips, trying your best not to outright burst into laughter. “Where we heading off to?”
Although you said both of you could play the dating by ear, Yangyang’s been keen on scheduling plans for the upcoming days. You told him he didn’t have to, however, he insisted by saying that he wouldn’t only be a horrible boyfriend, but a horrible friend if he couldn’t make the next weeks fun for you.
Yangyang was anything but a horrible friend, and the fact that he was willing to be your holiday boyfriend to make you happy proved it further. Nevertheless, you gladly let him take the reins.
“I was thinking the movies tonight? See the latest Marvel film?”
Concurring to the idea, you scurry towards the bus stop and are movie-theatre bound to the nearest one off-campus. Arriving at the theatre, Yangyang and you buy your tickets and a popcorn to share, then head into the respective auditorium where the movie is playing. Since the movie’s been running for a couple of weeks, the auditorium is fairly empty, giving you two the chance to snag perfect middle seats with nobody else is in the row.  
Up to this point, aside from the name-dropping of boyfriend and girlfriend, this feels less like a date and more like any other hang-out with him. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing awkward.
But that changes during a third of the movie.
You’re both so immersed by the screen that neither party notices the other’s hand when both of you reach for the popcorn in Yangyang’s lap at the same time.  
A jolt runs through as your hands brush together. The duo’s eyes tear away from the screen and flit to the action happening in real-time. The touch lingers for several moments.  
“Sorry,” you quickly mumble, drawing your hand back slightly, but still hovering over the popcorn.    
“Uhm,” Yangyang licks his lips and visibly gulps under the screen’s bright glare.
He whispers, his voice almost cracking, “As your boyfriend, can I hold your hand?”
Okay, this is just your best friend, acting as your temporary boyfriend, asking to hold your hand. No big deal, no big deal at all.
Yet, the thunderous knocking in your ears, louder than the explosions blasting through the theatre’s speakers, suggests otherwise.
You don’t even register it, but you’re already nodding in response. Your breathing slows to the rate of Yangyang’s hand inching over. At the anticipated contact, you gasp softly. His smooth fingers clasp over yours. Since the arm rest in the middle of you is positioned upward, there’s no obtrusion and you relax, letting your hands mingle in between the empty space.
Without looking at one another, both of you smile bashfully to yourselves as you try to continue to focus on the screen.
After a while, because you aren’t exactly holding hands, you spread your fingers, hastily doing so because you don’t want him to think you’re breaking the interaction, and twist your palm to properly interlock hands with him. You give Yangyang’s hand a warm, gentle squeeze. He does the same and even strokes his thumb against your skin.
Talk about playing everything by ear. Who knew you’d be hand in hand on the first date?
You attempt to not think much on it, but Yangyang’s hand in yours feels... so right, like your hand was made for this, for his to hold. Like you should’ve done this way sooner.
And if Yangyang’s thoughts could be heard, he’s thinking the same.
Despite the mutual fear of sweaty palms, neither of you desire to let go, so much that you not only hold hands during the rest of the movie, but throughout the bus ride back to campus and all the way until he escorts you to your front door.
With a certain charge in the atmosphere, you exchange sweet good-byes. That night, after the culmination of stress from finals and your worries of your holiday exes, you finally have a peaceful sleep, looking forward to your date with Yangyang tomorrow.
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DECEMBER 22nd
“Babe, how do I look?”
“Very pretty, honey.” A bundled up Yangyang winks at you from behind his phone.
The second date is an evening at a Christmas light festival at a botanical garden on the outskirts of town. The lights illuminate so strongly; there was a glowing dome-like hue over the location that seemed to reach the dark sky as you got off the bus.
When stepping foot into the garden, all the encompassing lights mesmerize you. Lights on the various greenery, lights as decorative art pieces, lights lining the pathways. Different shades of colours and shapes engulf the massive area.
Yangyang’s currently in the middle of taking your photo near an arch tangled with dark blue, gold, and white bulbs. All night long, you’ve been mockingly using endearing terms, but, despite the frigid air, your cheeks heat up over something else he just said.
“You think I’m pretty?” you genuinely ask, breaking your pose.  
He lowers his phone a bit, his jaw dangling.
“Uh, I mean,” he giggles awkwardly, nodding softly. “Yeah.”
Yangyang never told you, but he initially sat near you in Psych 101 because he thought you were the most stunning girl in the class. And sure, he was a little disappointed at the time to find out you had a boyfriend, but that didn’t mean you two couldn’t still be friends. Other than the first few weeks he had a crush on you, he’s never thought of you as more than a friend.  
But those feelings are resurfacing, hitting him in the chest like a bag of bricks, due to moments like this one—you’re batting your eyelids, gaze straying elsewhere, and adorably chewing on your lower lip.  
“And you’re not just saying that as my holiday boyfriend?”
Pouting to one side, he shakes his head cutely. “Mm-mm.”
On the flipside, the beginning with Yangyang for you was strictly platonic. You were dating Haechan at the time you met him. When Haechan broke up with you later that fall, you kept a distance from dating for a while, heartbroken from the high school love gone sour. During that period, you never told him, but you did run through the possibility of dating Yangyang since you got along so well... until you met Jaemin earlier the next semester, who stole your heart. Ever since then, you’ve never seen Yangyang under that light again.
Despite that, you can’t deny how attractive he is, and now that you’re single and technically dating him, you embrace the fact with open arms.  
Beaming as bright as the lights, you tug him by the end of his puffer jacket’s sleeve to bring him closer to you.
“C’mon, handsome, let’s take some pictures together.” Prickles rise under Yangyang’s cheeks from the off-hand compliment.  
Holding your phone up in the air at about an arm’s length away, the side of your heads touch to prepare for a few selfies. When you finish capturing them, Yangyang’s hovering over your shoulder as you scroll through to glance through the photos.
“We look good together,” you comment. “Don’t you think?”
In sync, your heads turn to meet each other. Your eyes waver from the blatant clouds of your breaths and over to his lips. The clouds become rapid bursts as you begin to lean forward. So does Yangyang.
“Do you guys want a picture together?” someone suddenly asks. The abrupt voice drags you both apart instantly, crushing the moment into pieces.
“Sure,” you peep, fumbling to hand your phone over to the stranger.
Posing, Yangyang’s hand rests around the middle of your back, which is the norm when you take pictures with him, but he pulls you in snugly. You smile even wider, relishing in the new-level of intimacy and allow yourself to be truly content among his presence.
“You guys are such a cute couple,” the stranger gushes while they return your phone prior to walking away.
“I guess we are, huh, babe?” you jut your tongue out in jest at him. This time, you indulge in the endearing term without a sliver of mockery.  
Yangyang copies you, jutting his tongue out further than yours, and seizes your hand to continue the tour around the gleaming garden.
The almost-kiss isn’t mentioned for the rest of the night, nor is it acted upon, but both individuals dwell on the near occurrence before sleep that evening, staring longingly at their bedroom ceiling.
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DECEMBER 23rd
For the third date, you find yourselves at the campus’ dedicated ice rink arena to partake in ice skating.
You’ve skated a few times in the past, but you’re by no means a pro. On the other hand, this is apparently Yangyang’s first time, and he’s already skating circles around you.
“Show off,” you grumble as he does another lap past you. Your gloved hands are splayed out in front of you, careful not to fall flat on your face.
Turning on his blades, he rebounds over to you.
“Sorry,” he pants. His raised cheeks glow an adorable shade of pink. “This is really fun when you get the hang of it.”
Yangyang intertwines his fingers with yours before you can say anything. “C’mon, take my hand.”  
At first, it was sweet to skate alongside your holiday boyfriend, notwithstanding the few times you almost trip. As the minutes pass, you think you’re getting the hang of it, but suddenly, Yangyang unleashes your hand and glides ahead of you, abandoning you to slide at a swift pace that is definitely out of your comfort zone.  
“Yangyang, what the fuck?!” you screech, completely disregarding the handful of surrounding parents with their kids, the former sending daggers your direction. Your ankles struggle to make a T-shape to stop, but the struggling only somehow makes you move faster.  
As he spins to face you, now skating backwards with ease, he says, “See, you got the hang of it-oomph—”
Air’s struck from his lungs when you crash into his body. Thankfully, Yangyang skids his blades harshly against the ice and is able to steady and support you within his arms.
“You little fucker,” you gripe, lightly punching him in the arm.
He chuckles blithely, “Sorry, but it was kinda funny, you gotta admit.”
You breathe a large huff, which makes you note how your hair is falling over your face after the catastrophe. You’re about to lift your hand to rearrange the strands, but Yangyang beats you to it and is in the midst of tucking them behind your ear.
The knocking in your ears reappears with a vengeance and the physical source of the knocking is thrashing violently against your chest.
Your scorching breaths fuse in the refrigerated rink as Yangyang eliminates the inches of space between, his plush mouth ultimately converging with yours.
You have to constantly remind yourself to breathe under Yangyang’s intensity, and remind yourself that you’re in a public space and shouldn’t be making out like this.
But everyone’s skating around the couple, daring to not disrupt the affectionate display.
God, you don’t know when was the last time you’ve been kissed like this. Have you ever even experienced a kiss that was a fraction of this? Yangyang daintily cups your cheeks like you’re glass, but his lips press ruggedly into yours, inflaming your entirety and melting any existence of your figurative fragility.  
You ignore the echo in the back of your mind that reminds you he’s your temporary boyfriend.
The Talk will inevitably occur, but your future self could deal with it. Presently, you’re too caught up, drowning in Yangyang’s embrace.
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DECEMBER 24th
On Christmas Eve, Yangyang decides to bring you to an outdoor Christmas market.
Understandably, since it’s the day before Christmas, the place is absolutely packed. For the first fifteen minutes or so, it’s joyous being immersed in the Christmas spirit with the assorted little shops and their respective products. You’re holding Yangyang’s hand tightly, pointing and half-shouting over the bustle about the items that catch your eye.
Unfortunately, someone accidentally bumps against your arms and your hand is gone from his.
Swivelling your head, searching through the crowd, it occurs to you that you officially lost Yangyang.
Your feet come to a halt as your hand attempts to dig into your jacket pocket to pluck your phone out, but the moving crowd forces you to constantly follow the stream.
You yell for him, but words can’t materialize. Your windpipe tightens. Your breath is becoming shallower and shallower. Blood pulses in your ears alarmingly, blocking out the clamour from around you. Your mind’s running everywhere without control.
Where is your boyfriend?
No, scratch that, he’s not your actual boyfriend—where is your best friend?
Did he leave you? He would never.
Right?
But what happens when all of this is over? Will you still have your best friend?
You’ve avoided The Talk long enough, but you didn’t expect to catch feelings for him. Not like this.  
Maybe you’re just destined to be alone.
Is this how it feels to actually lose him?
Tears fight your vision. You hear a faint call of your name, but you can’t urge yourself to turn around, sinking only further into the sea of anonymity. You’re just a face in a crowd, all alone, with no one who cares—
Yangyang grasps you by the arm and maneuvers you aside to a less busy area behind one of the vendor stands.
“Oh, God, thought I lost you there—”
You cut him off, hugging him with all your might and stuff your face in his chest cushioned by the downy layers of his winter jacket. Yangyang immediately drapes his arms securely around you, reading your uneasiness.  
“Hey, I got you. I got you,” he soothes, running a hand through your hair. “God, not my best idea. Sorry for bringing you here.”
You shake your head, wordlessly informing him that it’s okay. You’re just glad to be with him again.
“Wanna go home?”
You nod solemnly, and Yangyang zips you out of there in minutes with his arm tucked by your side,  ensuring he doesn’t lose you in the crowd again.
Fortunately, the jitters mostly disappear when you arrive at your place in the late afternoon. You’re in the middle of rummaging through your keys to unlock your door.
“Sorry I didn’t have anything else planned for today,” he mumbles, leaning with folded arms against the wall.
“Did you...” You insert the correct key and turn the lock, clicking the door open. Your gaze lifts to match his. “Did you wanna maybe have dinner with me tonight? I was thinking of ordering pizza in.”
The grin that reaches his eyes is a sufficient answer for you.
“Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” He hangs his arm around your shoulder and plants a kiss atop your head.
After chomping down pizza and playing a few rounds of Super Smash Bros. on Yangyang’s Switch, you peer over to him on your living room couch while he’s figuring out which character he should play next.  
The little mental voice in the back of your mind prods you, reminding that you should really, really have The Talk soon. The Talk that you swept under the rug at the start by saying you’d play everything by ear.
Four dates later, and the thought of this ending scares the living daylights out of you. This not only including the interim relationship, but the dire possibility of the friendship itself too. Is it possible to go back to how you were, flipping it off like a light switch?
But the internal voice is smothered as you’re drawn to his pouting lips in thought. His pouting, oh-so kissable lips. Following the ice skating kiss yesterday, you only shared a good-bye kiss when he dropped you off. Since then, you’ve been itching to have his lips on yours again.
Yangyang eventually detects your lack of focus and finds you gawking at his mouth. Your gaze dashes to his eyes, blinking innocently, but then his eyes flicker to your mouth.
The tension in the room snaps. You two carefully throw the Switch controllers off to one side and attach yourselves together. Unlike the crashing of your bodies at the ice rink, this one is purposeful. Deliberated, as his forehead presses into yours and his tender caress carries your cheek. Your body plummets backwards until Yangyang pins you completely into the couch.
Initially, the lip-locking is gentle and mild. Your fingers lay in the vicinity of his angular visage and sturdy upper frame, in contrast to his hand curling around your waist in a light squeeze.
Soon, hands traverse to other regions—his back, your thigh, his stomach, your ass. Each touch seeking, craving, whining. Tongues slinking and dancing with appetite. Your bodies buzz for more.
Open-mouthed kisses transition from the damp lips to each other’s necks. The touches dig deeper, thriving with hunger. Your back bows, body curving into his. Grinding ensues and his robust desire is blatant against your own pulsing passion.
“You don’t happen to have any condoms on you, do you?” you groan upwards to the ceiling.
He retracts from your neck to swing his head side to side, grumbling a “Sorry, we can stop...” yet you interrupt his apology by cupping his covered length. The guttural groan he exhales into your lips makes you shiver with pleasure.
“Doesn’t mean we still can’t have fun with our hands...” you say slyly.
“Fuck yeah,” he rasps, smirking, before diving in again to taste your mouth.
Clothes are stripped with the assistance of each other, leaving you with only your bra on while Yangyang opts to be completely bare. He tops your body in the same position once more.
On the couch arm rest, your head is perched with his hand clutching the space next to it for leverage. Both figures are too scatter-brained to delve into the exquisite nudity of one another, hands flying desperately to your respective arousals.
Your pretty fingers wrap around his possession almost exactly when he dips two digits into your warmth. In unison, two sharp, quiet gasps pierce the room.
“Shit, you’re so wet,” he hisses observantly. You’re so overwhelmed by the bliss that you can’t assemble any sort of response.
Your mouth’s parted to one side, chest soaring with each plunge. Through his clouded vision, he ambles over your curves and lines and yearns to see your breasts, but he respects your choice of keeping it on and opts to ambush the expanse with kisses. Your chest is launched further into his mouth and Yangyang assumes you’re enjoying this.
Fearing friction burn, you drop him from your grip momentarily, swiping a few licks over your palm. When your hand pumps him again, now drenched with saliva, grunts reverberate against your skin.  
“Yangyang?” you whimper, causing his face to pull away from the temple of your body.
“Yeah, baby?”
“I’m-I’m close.” And he can attest to it; the contractions around him are increasing, harshly squeezing his fingers.    
“Same,” he pants.
Your best friend flicks his wrist with ignition, securing your waves of elation. You attempt to do the same, but it’s difficult when he’s also sloppily thrusting himself into your fist, so you simply clench your grasp harder. His features pinch and choppy moans dribble as he yields to his climax, gushing himself over your stomach.  
Still sucking in lungfuls of air, Yangyang kisses you tenderly before removing himself to clean up the mess he made.
Following the clean-up, while putting on your clothes, Yangyang expresses how he should get going since it’s getting late.
“Did you wanna stay the night?” you pipe up.
His mind races, debating on whether to leave or not, anxious to blur the lines of your relationship even further.
Sure, he’s your temporary boyfriend, thus staying over at your place shouldn’t mean anything. But this agreement is ending next week, and he’s questioning if you two can stay just friends after this, knowing that he’s going to want more. Yangyang has had a taste of the what if, and it’s now irrevocable.
He wants you all for himself. Selfishly, but deeply.
For the sake of keeping this a great thing for you, he shoves his thoughts aside. This is all about you and for your benefit, anyhow.
“Uh, sure, I can take the couch like I always—”
“Yangyang, you just put your fingers inside of me,” you snicker, snagging him by the hand to your bedroom. “C’mon.”
The rest of the night is relatively chaste with some kisses and touches here and there. Eventually, you fall asleep facing each other with your fingers interlocked, excited for the big day tomorrow.
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DECEMBER 25th
Normally on Christmas, Yangyang and you spend it with your respective families, but coincidentally, both of your families, your parents being retired and all, ended up vacationing this year, leaving the two of you to spend it with each other.
After getting up around noon, Yangyang heads to his place to grab his gift. He takes longer than you expected because, as it turns out, he also went home to grab baking goods he bought beforehand since he wants to make butter cookies with you today.
The cookies end up fine, but the mess is another story. Besides the chaos on the counter, your faces and aprons are splotched with flour (you swear he started it, but he disagrees and stands his ground that you’re the perpetrator). With a damp cloth, Yangyang aids you to clean, but not forgetting to wipe your face and giving you pecks over your cheeks and nose.  
The baking and aftermath occupies most of the afternoon, so dinner comes in the form of fancy, romantic instant ramen for two. Afterwards, you two sit in your living room and start to exchange gifts.  
Yangyang hands his over to you first. From the size of the gift and the crumpled, oddly-shaped wrapping, you already can guess it’s a stuffed plushie of a cute animal to add to your never ending collection. You hug it tightly with a large smile.
“It’s so cute, thank you!” you squeal, but you change your expression in an instant to a serious pout. “But you can’t steal this one like you did with my Ice Bear plushie.”
“Hey, I didn’t steal Ice Bear, I just forgot to give him back.” You roll your eyes sarcastically and he laughs. “I’ll bring him over tomorrow, if it makes you feel better.”  
Then, when it’s your turn, you head into your bedroom and come out with a large, white shopping bag. His eyebrows raise, unsure of what could warrant a gift this size.
“For being my holiday boyfriend,” you grin, placing the bag in front of his feet.  
Despite the hugest smile on your face, his heart sinks at the label for a second, but he blinks and wills himself to look inside the bag.
His eyes shoot open, so much that you’re scared you might have to stuff them back into his sockets.
Yangyang slips the box out of the bag with precision and stares at it speechlessly.
It’s the new Playstation.
He shifts his eyes toward you. You’re swaying on the couch, pleased by his reaction.  
“Your parents paid for most of it, so I can’t take all the credit.” Sticking a finger in the air, you add, “You just gotta promise to share custody with me though—”
A hand behind your head yanks you into a deep kiss. He’s not the only one left speechless on the couch. He places the top of his head against yours.
“You’re crazy, but I love—” He quickly catches himself from saying something he might regret. “—I love it so much, thank you. Now I feel bad for getting you only the stuffed animal...”
You shake your head softly, brushing your thumb against his cheekbone.
“Thank you for everything.” Your eyes twinkle. “I couldn’t have asked to spend the holidays with anyone else.”
Carefully, like a newborn baby, he safely situates the boxed Playstation to one side and nabs your lips with his again. The scene feels like repeat of last night as your bodies wrestle passionately on the couch.
“Not to be presumptuous,” he mutters between the kisses upon your neck. Your eyelids flutter at the sensation. “But I also grabbed condoms from my place when I stopped by.”
His words sends the two of you leaping towards your bedroom. Under the dim lighting, you fall into the bed as Yangyang pares your layers off, one by one. With each peel, his lips roam the revealing bare skin. You swear he has kissed you from your literal head to toe when you’re fully nude in front of him.
Your companion drags his shirt over his head, throws it off to your floor, and immediately targets in onto your nub with his mouth, finally satiating his craving from last night.
Fingers thread into his hair and over his flexed back. His tongue swirls and his teeth lightly tug on your perkiness, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. And he still isn’t even inside you yet.
After leaving love upon your other bosom, Yangyang fumbles with the condom, forgetting which way it should go on. Giggling, you perch yourself onto your elbows and assist him. Rolling it over his possession, you recline yourself back and spread your legs for him.
Pensively, he sticks his tongue out as he adjusts himself between your sex, easing himself into you, and upon the full impact, you meet his gaze head-on. His stare makes you feel vulnerable and exposed beyond the physical plane.  
But, unlike the others you have been with, you trust him with everything, like you always have, and be free with him. Losing your inhibitions and submitting to your whims, you entangle and become one with Yangyang.  
Behind his hazy vision, Yangyang’s simply thinking how beautiful you are, how he can’t imagine anyone else under his touch but you, how he is willing to give up anything to make you smile.
Well, in this case, he’s willing to give up anything to make you pleased.
However, it doesn’t seem like he needs to do much because you’re howling his name and clinging onto his skin and the sheets in a frenzy, like you’re about to die of exhaustion.
You perish a few times under him before he finally reaches his little death himself, convulsing into the sheath.
When air’s replenished into your bodies, you rest on his chest under your blanket. Glancing up at him, you move some of his tousled hair off his sleek forehead.
“Merry Christmas, Yangyang,” you whisper, snuggling him with a satisfied smile.
“Merry Christmas, babe,” he whispers back, giving you one last peck before you both drift into a deep slumber together.  
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DECEMBER 26th
Last night took so much out of the both of you, you don’t get out of bed until about the middle of the afternoon. Yangyang doesn’t have anything planned for today since it’s Boxing Day, since the crowds might be crazy wherever you go, so it’s officially a chill, rest day for you both.
When you step out of the shower in fresh clothes, from behind the couch, you watch Yangyang gaming on his Switch.
The little voice in your head looms, prompting that now is the time to have The Talk, and speaks up on your behalf.
“Do we have to end things next week?” you croak.
You see Yangyang’s shoulders stiffen, then he pauses the game and turns around to face you. His gaze follows you as you step closer to the couch, opting to stand.  
“Uhm.” His Adam’s apple bobs and he shrugs. “It’s up to you, it’s your—”
“Yangyang, that’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking what you think, how do you feel?”
His lips press together and he’s staring at the floor. You can tell the gears are moving, but you can’t read his expression clearly.
“I’m down for whatever you want to do,” he says slowly, eyes still averting yours.
That’s a I’m-your-best-friend answer, you deduce. Not a I-want-to-be-your-actual-boyfriend answer.  
He adds, stuttering, “I mean, I wouldn’t mind doing this a little longer if that’s what you want—”
Your face scrunches in annoyance. “Did you just sign up to be my short-term boyfriend so you can fill my empty heart?”
His eyebrows crease with confusion. “I mean, I never want to see you unhappy.”
“So it’s pity dating then?” you lash, raising your voice.
“No, I—” Yangyang bites down on his tongue, almost letting the one word slip out again. He blows out a lengthy sigh and runs a hand through his hair. “I care about you, so much. I’d do anything to make you happy.”
You’re defining his words as an affirmation of friendship and as an underlying rejection of your love.
You need to know for certain.
“Do you love me, Yangyang?” you blurt. “As more than a friend?”
This is it, Yangyang thinks. This is your chance to let her know how you feel.
But the distress written on your face makes him wonder if he should even go through with it, and it’s intensifying with every passing moment that he’s not speaking.  
If only he knew your distress was deepening because you took his hesitance as absolute rejection.  
Your heart is breaking because of him, and he technically wasn’t even yours to begin with.
You smack your lips together and gulp a few times, trying to make the huge knot in your throat disappear.
“You know what, maybe let’s just forget this arrangement and leave it all behind and forget about the sex and—”
“You wanna stop this?” he utters quietly.
The word “this” hangs heavy in the air. This, carrying the weight of not only being the temporary agreement, but also your friendship.
“Yeah,” you whisper, tears beginning to blur your eyes. “I think I do.”
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DECEMBER 28th
Two days have passed since you last saw Yangyang.
That day before he left, Yangyang, feeling guilty for how events unfolded, wanted to give back the Playstation, but you insisted for him to keep it. In spite of everything, it was a Christmas gift to him from you and his parents.
But both of you weren’t sure if the shared custody promise was going to be held up.  
In hopes that things would eventually get better and heal itself, Yangyang thought it’d be best to leave you alone for a while, like how he usually did.
And maybe he was right to do so, but this time is different.
Because he’s on the other end of the stick now; he’s the one who broke your heart.  
Under regular circumstances, whenever you needed space, he was always ready to be there by your side.
But Yangyang’s uncertain if you’re going to let him comfort you this time.  
And you’re uncertain if you even want him to.
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DECEMBER 30th
Today, Yangyang finally makes the move to get in touch with you, texting you to call him, but you don’t, so he leaves a voicemail later in the evening.
“There’s a New Year’s party I’m going to tomorrow,” he starts off, then spews the specific details.
There’s a pause and you hear shuffling in the background. You assume he’s pacing around.
“I know you ended our agreement, but I wouldn’t mind fulfilling my end since New Year’s is the last day tomorrow. I’d be really glad if you came to the party with me, whether it be as my friend or my girlfriend.”
Another pause.
On the other end, Yangyang rubs his palm over his face, considering whether or not he should say it. If you picked up the phone call, he was going to do it anyway, but this just felt improper. He wants to say it when he knows you’re listening in real-time, so he ends off the message with:
“I miss you. So much.”
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DECEMBER 31st
It’s 8:40PM. Before Yangyang buses out to the party, he’s back at your front door for one more shot. His fist taps at your door, cognizant that you wouldn’t be elsewhere since your other friends are out of town for the holidays. Despite that, you don’t come to the door. Nevertheless, he speaks to you through the wooden barrier.
“Hey, I know you want to be left alone, but I just wanted to see if you changed your mind about the party.”
Still no answer. He lets out a sigh and prays the following will incite a reaction from you.  
“About the question that you asked me that night...”
He closes his eyes and allows his mouth to carry him.
“I do. I do love you. As both my best friend and more. I’m sorry if I hurt you that night by not saying anything, but I love you so much and I think we should give us a shot.”
Still no answer. Yangyang continues.
“Look, I know it’s scary and crazy to date your best friend. I’m scared too, but you know what? I’m okay with being scared. I’ve watched you gone through those assholes over the last few years and maybe you’re scared I’ll end up like one of them, but unlike them, I don’t think you’re horrible or needy or emotional—you’re beautiful, intelligent, and strong for putting up with all those fuckers.”
He leans his forehead gently against the door.
“And even if we ever do break up, and this is a big if because I’ll always try my hardest with you to make it work, I’ll still be your friend. I promise. You won’t lose me ‘cause I need you in my life. I gotta keep my end up for the custody of the Playstation, right?”
A smile breaks over his face from his joke, but still. Radio silence.  
“Can you at least say something?” he begs.
After a few minutes, realizing he needs to probably give you more time to be left alone, he departs and heads to the party.
Originally, you actually were planning on attending the party to see Yangyang to make-up with him.
Unfortunately, out of all the days you had to take a late afternoon nap, it had to be today.
And you overslept. Big time. 
At 10:55PM, you scramble awake, realizing you’re absolutely late to the event. Since the party’s downtown, you know calling an Uber or Lyft there would be fast, but tonight’s the worst night for any share riding service and there aren’t any available drivers. Thus, you have to manage with busing there.
It’s 11:40PM when you finally reach downtown, but the bus can’t take you all the way to the core centre where the party is; hordes of people are out on the streets and traffic is dreadful. God, you’re going to be cutting it close to midnight, but you make a run for it.
You’re grateful the party is on the second floor of a small building because you slide in right through the entrance at 11:58PM. You rush to call Yangyang’s phone, hoping he’ll pick up as you try to find him in the scattered groups of people.
You begin to holler for him in hopes he can hear you, but the countdown is happening, drowning out your voice. Thirty seconds left until the clock strikes for the new year.
When his number finally goes to voicemail, you redial his number. Suddenly, a hand grasps you by the wrist.
Yangyang looks at you, dumbfounded.
“When did you get here?”  
The harmonious chanting around you floods your surroundings.
“Ten, nine, eight...”
Getting closer to him, you practically scream into Yangyang’s face, trusting he’ll hear what you’re about to say.
“I know Christmas is over, but I want to change my wish.”
“Seven, six, five...”
“I know you might not feel the same and I know things might not work out.”
“Four, three, two...”
”But I wish to date you past New Year’s until whenever, however long we last.”
“One...”
“I love you, Yangyang—”
The one you love snatches you by the waist and your cheek, stealing your lips at the last millisecond before midnight.
“Happy New Year!”
A wave of noisemakers, clappers, and hollering erupt around the room. After it dies down a bit, Yangyang shocks you with a scolding.
“Why didn’t you say anything when I came over?!”
Confusion rushes over you. You realize he probably came by when you were sleeping. 
“You came over?!”
“Yeah, I confessed my love for you.”
“Wait,” you blink blankly, unsure if you heard him correctly. “Your love?”
“Yeah,” he nods, giving you his cheesy, adorable smile.  “I love you.”
“As more than a friend?” you clarify.
“Babe,” Yangyang’s thumb caresses your cheek. “I don’t think I could ever go back to wanting less with you.”
Your lips tremble with relief as your gaze melts in his.
“And, anyway, who else am I going to share the Playstation with?”
“Well, I mean, you do have Hendery, Xiaojun, Winwin...” you start to count his infinite list of friends on your fingers.  
“Yeah, but I need you so I can constantly beat your cute little butt at games.”
“You do not constantly beat my cute little butt at games, I’ll have you know that I beat you at—”  
Yangyang shuts you up with another kiss, the one of many for the rest of the night.
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JANUARY 2nd
It’s your second morning at Yangyang’s place. You’ve only done it a few times now, but you realize that waking up in his arms is one of the greatest feelings in the world, second only to his kisses.  
In his bed, spooning you from behind, he grumbles into the nape of your neck, “Morning, girlfriend.”  
Half-awake, you mumble back, “Morning, boyfriend,” and sink deeper into the curve of his body.
Content, you finally broke your string of cursed holiday break-ups for good.  
And all it took was to be with the one who was in front of you all this time.
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beelspillowpet · 3 years
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A Lesson in Love - A “Character Analysis” on Asmodeus
I had to come for the tracks, wigs, and weaves of bitches when Pomade dropped because I saw people talking shit about my boy. This was a milestone “project” or “reward” I guess?
I hit 400 followers today while I was out running errands!!! Thank you guys SO SO MUCH for the love and support! I can’t WAIT to produce more content for everyone!!!
Below the cut there WILL BE talk of season 3, as well as some talk of chapter 16. There’s a healthy amount of theorizing on his personality as well, I hope you don’t mind! This came out more like a plea to get people to change their minds about how Asmo really is, rather than a comprehensive essay of sorts. So here we go!
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There’s something we apparently still need to talk about in this fanbase. The unrealistic idea of Asmodeus being a sex freak, and an unreliable person in general despite there being little proof of it. We need to set a few things straight about Asmo moving forward.
December 25th rolled around and Asmo’s audio drama and song were released. I take it everyone enjoyed both parts, as well as I did. My timeline both on twitter and tumblr were filled with Asmodeus content, as well as the other brothers and such. But I mostly got Asmo content. However, in peeks and cracks, if I looked hard enough, I still saw people who absolutely loathed Asmo or who were indifferent to him. Keep in mind; I think it’s okay. You don’t have to like everyone.
I’ve only joined the fanbase in September, but even I could tell some of these takes were old fashioned. I downloaded the game on October 17th, a very important anniversary for me, while I 
was still in bed in the morning. I blazed through the entire story of season 1 and now I am stuck in season 2, specifically in Chapter 24. I obviously don’t have every card of Asmodeus with his Devilgrams, but I have been analyzing his character over the past few days for this.
So needless to say, I have a considerable amount of information on him, as well as personal thoughts that may help some learn to love him. Or at the very least, from spreading a negative idea of him around as if it were true. Enough that should help clear his name, so to speak.
Let’s look at his title; Avatar of Lust. Now naturally the thoughts that come to your head are sex and other sexual bits. So I can understand how some people would come to the conclusion that he’s just a sex freak. But if you look under the surface of his title, like I’m sure you’ve had to for your own personal favorites (*cough* Lucifer, Belphie, and Satan ESPECIALLY) you would discover that Asmodeus is more than just about sex. In fact, sex takes up very little of his pass time, if you were to believe it!
In recent chapters, as I’ve been told, Asmodeus doesn’t really get around much anyways:
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Granted, this was said while in Celestia, but I imagine not much has changed for him since his fall, as well as his brothers.
Not really comfortable being with just anyone, huh…? Sounds like someone who doesn’t have sex so warily often as you’d think!
Being lustful can come in many shapes and forms. It can be merely in appearance, which Asmo is not afraid of doing. He’s very comfortable about skinship and it’s very apparent in how he dresses and acts that he wants you to adore his body. To worship it! Maybe not sexually, but aesthetically! Being lustful can mean just thinking about sex or sexual scenarios often, which if you take a peek at Asmo’s chat’s either with you or his brothers, is very apparent too.
Personally, I believe that people would assume he is not good in a relationship because he would have a “cheating problem”. I don’t think Asmo is a monster, just like I don’t think any of the brothers are monsters. They may be demons (technically fallen angels) now but they used to be angels too. Their falling out with their Father doesn’t mean they’ve completely abandoned morality, it was a rebellion for Lilith’s right to live. Not for them to sin as they pleased. For all we know they might have been fine in Heaven otherwise! (with the exception of Lucifer.)
A monster knows right from wrong and chooses evil anyways. An ignorant person doesn’t know right from wrong. Asmodeus is not a monster, nor is he ignorant.
When Asmo genuinely loves you, I think he would take steps to calm down that side of him, if it were to exist. Lust is fairly limited, but it is a part of love to some extent. LOVE is vastly different. Love has many languages, and they aren’t all spoken either. For me, personally, I found that Lucifer’s love language can be either very direct, or roundabout so as to not let it go to your head, for an example. Asmo is just far more direct about his care for you.
I feel as though Asmo gets a lot of crap constantly for his presumed nature and because we don’t get to see much else of him at first, especially in season 1, his impression on us sort of stays. With most of the fanbase either somewhat new to the game or somewhere lost in the sea of the difficulty curve that is season 2, we can only assume based on what we’ve seen, and what others have headcanoned about him.
Let’s break and talk about Satan for a moment; this is going somewhere.
I’m led to believe that Satan can control his sin fairly well. He’s easy to get irritated, sure, but he isn’t as much of a walking ball of rage as I suspected. I would argue that, aside from Leviathan, Satan can handle his sin the best out of the brothers. But again, we’re forgetting about Asmo. The Avatar of “Lust”. Like I’ve shown before, he doesn’t really sleep around a lot, according to anon.
At worst, Asmo being flirty is through text and he’s not actively trying to sleep with you. It can be interpreted that way, but for me personally, it comes down to having a friend that is very up close and in your personal space.
(I myself am one of these types of people. Having ADHD, my social cues are always sort of off, and I’ve struggled with coping with it for years. With my best friend, we have seen each other naked countless times and have slept in the same bed as well. We were never romantic with each other. We were just very comfortable being close and personal with each other.)
I’d like to point out also that Asmo isn’t even there for most of season 1 too. Which can give you the idea that maybe he just was out sleeping around a lot, but to me he probably just went out partying a lot. You don’t get known that fast for sleeping around. Maybe in 5,000 years, sure, but I’d imagine being a party boy, as his Devilgram “Guided by Desire” suggests.
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So the idea that Asmo isn’t in the house a lot because he’s out having sex all the time isn’t true is it? He’s probably just out partying, which can LEAD to sex with someone sure, but again, Asmo doesn’t feel comfortable doing that, now does he?
I feel like of all the boys, Asmo is the one who radiates with everyone else the most. Most people will never realize how surreal it is that Asmo is faking it until he makes it. He doesn’t always think he’s beautiful, or that he’s worth all the love he’s striving and straining to get. Something that is extremely relatable for a lot of people with self-worth issues. Asmo is just like that, but instead being sarcastic and self-deprecating, he simply works to make himself look as beautiful as possible, so that in his eyes, his beauty matches the affection he gets.
Which is why, when he falls in love with you, it’s strange. You are constantly telling him he’s nice and pretty, but you aren’t lusting after him. You’re just being nice. It may just be me, but when people are overly nice just for the sake of being nice, I’m very attracted to that. That is Asmo, to some extent. The fact that he reflects the insecurities and habits of others so clearly may make others uncomfortable, but that brutal honesty veiled behind insecurity is what a lot of people with self-image issues deal with.
Now for me to share my favorite personal idea for Asmo that completely changed how I saw him in season 1 onwards; Asmodeus is an empath. Now let me explain:
First, what is an Empath?
The term empath comes from empathy, which is the ability to understand the experiences and feelings of others outside of your own perspective. Seems simple, right? Everyone can do this to some extent. However, what makes you an empath is the fact that empaths genuinely feel the same pain as you do. So much so your experience becomes a very personal part of their own. They are capable of being able to feel other people’s emotions without them speaking, or even showing signs of it through their body language.
This would explain, for me personally, why there’s so little of him in season 1. The intensity of what goes on in the house, his sensitive soft-spoken mannerisms, the only time he truly gets mad is when he’s childishly arguing with Mammon? Asmo is afraid of true conflict, he’s afraid of violence and negative emotions. Let’s face it; everyone is indifferent or hates you at the start of the game.
While this changes fairly quickly, all the intense feelings come to a head in chapter 16. All those negative emotions swirling around, of course Asmo isn’t going to want to be in the house when it’s that intense. The attic didn’t just disappear completely, too. Belphie was still in the attic hating humans. That negative emotion could be affecting Asmo and he didn’t know why, so he could have been out of the house more.
Where Asmo can feel the emotions of others, it may mostly be the negative ones because they fill him with anxiety and panic if it persists. Which can be helpful in making him so urgent to want to make others smile and feel better, right?
Imagine being intimate with Asmodeus, and suddenly you aren’t in the mood for it anymore but don’t want to make things awkward. He could pick up on it in an instant and wouldn’t get mad because he understands how you feel completely.
Now to close this out about something that genuinely hurts me; Asmodeus is a narcissist.
I mean, the wiki says that he is, but personally? No, no he isn’t. Since when is loving yourself a bad thing? Sure he may go a bit far sometimes, but people with self-image issues need to go a little harder than the rest to make sure they're getting the love they need.
(Talking about myself AGAIN, but I do this a lot. At random, I will look up in my own mirror in front of my desk that I sit in front of all day and tell myself I am a cute bitch. I am VERY VERY cute and anyone would be lucky to have someone as drop dead gorgeous as myself. I say that a few times a day. In reality, I am very insecure about my looks. I do believe I’m cute, but sometimes it’s hard to say it. Which is why I force myself. Why wouldn’t Asmo do the same?)
Talking yourself up to be as beautiful as a sex god is no easy task, but Asmo isn’t the Avatar of “Lust” for no reason. When an insecure girl talks up her beauty, it’s her being strong and independent. When Asmo does it, its narcissism… it doesn’t really seem fair, now does it? Maybe he’s just an insecure person who needs to tell himself ALL THE TIME that he’s beautiful. That if he stares at his reflection long enough, he may see it too.
(Also, Simeon literally calls him out on being insecure. Insecure people tend to try and overcompensate where they feel they’re lacking.)
”Asmodeus is hinted to be insecure and seeking for love and attention. When Simeon was asked about what he thought of Asmodeus, he says that Asmodeus is still trying to fulfill the role of the angel he used to be; an angel that was adored and loved by many. Asmodeus laughs at Simeon's remark and brushes it off by saying that he is only jealous.” - A section from said Asmodeus Wiki.
People can choose to love or hate Asmo, obviously. Making things up about his character without having anything but speculation and having that dictate how he acts is plain silly. This entire “essay” if you can call it that, comes from the heart. I love Asmo as a character, and in the beginning he did make me uncomfortable, I didn’t like him that much. But I learned to look past that and figure out why he acts the way he does. Something didn’t sit right with me about him for a while, and it was that air of insecurity that I didn’t see at first.
All I can really ask for, is giving Asmo another chance as a character. He’s not as wild and wacky as Mammon, or as cool and sexy as Lucifer, or as edgy and precious as Belphie, but he matters in this story too. He fell from grace with his brothers for Lilith. Give him another chance, and let him show you that he is the Avatar of Love.
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Can you do Bakugou x soft (male or gn) reader meeting a Karen and go creative with it hope you have fun
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Big Meanie
Paring: Barista!Bakugou x Soft!Gn!Cashier reader
Warning: Karen being a Karen, cussing, bakujealous, Bakugou calling you a big meanie, not proof read
Catoergy: Comedy
A/N: Thank you for the request!!
Summary: boom boom man gets upset because you didn’t let him be the Hero of the day.
—————————
As you unlocked the door, you huffed a breathe of anxiety out and tried to build up as much optimism you could for your first day. You felt a mixture of anxiousness and excitement boil in you.
With a smile full of courage, you stepped into the clean kitchen. The lights contrasted and dimmed the already dark morning sky as you felt a cool breeze from an opened window. The hall was a bit dimmer from the kitchen so you turned those lights on for the rest of the co-workers. An ash halons hair boy was currently wrapping the store’s iconic colored apron around his waist. He tighter his grip as he caught a glismp of you.
“Good morning!” You spoke softly, but cheerful. You flashed a small smile but his demeanor did change. He held his solemn look at you when blood red eyes. “So...how was your sleep?” Your excuse of small talk feel short the silence in the air seemed to be even more awkward between the two of you. He grunted and muttered something under his breathe before speaking.
“Don’t forget to clock in.” He ignored your question which honestly, did not bother you. You took his warning and walked out to the time clock, punching in your time. Silence swallowed you both while once again. Ok y/n, your co-worker may not be the most friendliest, but hey it’s only your first day, how bad can it be.
”Also,” You head shot up from the time clock. Your co-workers back facing you. “Don’t talk to me, you boring extra.”
——————————
You began to start your third day shift with a proud smile on your face. As you made your way to the time clock to punch in, greetings of waves goodbyes from other workers thats shifts just ended, you’ve met made your start of the day feel even better. Humbly, you waved the two men off.
“Bye Kiri, bye Denki!” Denki giggly waved his hand in the arm with excitement as he happily walked with Kirishima.
“Bye Y/N!” The sharp tooth man cheerfully sang his farewell. His arm hugging around the shoulders of his shorter blonde hair friend. But before the two could fully walk out, the red head immediately turns back around, as if something just came to mind. “Also” he added, “watch out for the Karen’s.” Your head titled with puzzlement.
“The Karen’s?” You kept your question in your head and before you knew it, the two was gone.
But you shrugged it off for the day and continued to go back to work.
——————————
“Hey move it extra!” Bakugou’s voice arose from behind you like a sound of a hurricane warning. You huffed a little and stepped aside from the time clock. Tiredly, you twisted your body around and leaned against the wall, facing him with crossed arms. Your eyes dropped a bit and your eyelids cried to close. But though you body was ready to sleep, you were wide awake..kinda. You manage trying to hide your weary face. Holding a hopeful smile and you greeted Bakugou.
“Morning Bakugou.” There was a small chance he would really greet you back with a morning salutation. Today was not the latter. He’s body seemed a bit stiff, he’s face looked alive and refreshed, but his body slouched a bit. Turning his head to you, an eyebrow raised at you.
You stiffened a bit, you leaned off the grey wall with a feeling of astonishment  , “Wow that’s new.” A notion you told yourself.
Still, he said nothing, leaving you two both in somewhat awkward silence. By the looks of it, he was staring with bit of puzzlement in his eyes. He’s red eyes sparks with a look of examination. As if he was searching for a look, or scanning your farcical features like a robot. He was just standing there, arms crossed, eyes stern, eyebrows furrowed. It seemed like forever before you two said anything.
“Are you tired?” Bakugou finally spoke that shock you. You were a bit taken a back at his response but nodded you head. He grumbled something under his breathe and signaled you to follow him. “Come here,” he sighed.
You’re eyes widened, but you obeyed and follow. As you walked, you could hear his small mutters and talks but couldn’t understood a thing he said. He walked a little slow than usual, like if he was trying to make sure he didn’t leave in you in the dust.
The walk was short and you made it to the destination in no time. He groaned as you got there, the kitchen area. Your eyebrows drew with concern.
Backing up a little, you spoke “Uhm, look if you’re gonna splash me with water-“
But your cautiousness was only mocked by small chuckles that bubbled up in Bakugou as he picked up a plastics cup.
“No I won’t, ya idiot.” He interjected, “What’s your type of coffee, you like Frappuccino or somethin’?”
——————————
“Hey, Cashier Extra!” Y/N nostrils flare with heavy air leaving them. For the past three months and a half, you’ve been having to deal with one of the biggest meanies they had ever known in their entire life. Originally, you thought you were confused at times by him.
Bakugou Katsuki was one of the hardest people work with sometimes. It was like he had a whole book of mean names and rude comments. Or looked up how to send the worlds most bone-chilling stare. And after a long tiring day of work, right as you’re are about to clock out, you hear the small words “bye extra” leave his grumpy little pie hole. You wondered why his rude one point, then nice another.
Y/N briskly huff, straightening out any wrinkles or creases in your pale button up shirt. “Yeah Bakugou?” Y/N tried to give Bakugou the most genuine confusion on your face. Though Y/N didn’t find a lot great characteristics of Bakugou, but they knew that Bakugou was a smart man. He quickly caught onto their small frown creasing at the sides of their mouth and y/n bothered eyes.
But unlike usually, Bakugou’s face didn’t seem to get annoyed at that. No, instead, how facial expressions seemed to go down a little. Bakugou’s eyebrows furrowed, from y/n couldn’t tell what was on Bakugou’s mind. He’s volcanic eyes seemed to be put out.
Y/N would almost say the usual solemn face of Bakugou Katsuki just broke away for a minute.
Bakugou caught himself, the dust of his volcanic chucked up as the lava came back into his eyes, keeping a stern look. Though Bakugou wouldn’t admit, Bakugou had definitely fallen for Y/N strong admiration for this job and their determination. He’d give them the compliment from time to time, but to wasn’t as much as he wanted to say.
“Just make sure you remember to clock in.” He mumbled softly, Y/N could barely even hear it. They nodded, a bit confused, but nodded and almost went on to work like usual. “Hey!” Bakugou stopped Y/N in their tracks, “Be cautious of Karens.”
The name still confused you to this day, but once again, you shrugged it off with a nod and carried on.
——————
This would have to one of the most crowded shift you’ve ever had, ever. If you were a customer, driving up into the driveway, you would’ve definitely drive straight out by the amount of people parked or in the driveway, getting their order taken their.
Bakugou, Denki and six others carefully rushed with the drinks, other orders holding up on the racks. Kirishima, Mina, and another worker kept up their the best they could, taking people’s orders from the drive through, then there was you and three other cashiers. You four had to take the orders as smooth and quick as possible, all of you praying that the customer will have a little bit of compassion and patience. Lines of people excitedly waiting to order the new drink the shop put out.
The Christmas Chocolate Winter Cream. Your new enemy, almost every single child, adult, teen, everyone was asking and wanting that “creamy delicious coffee”. Who even lets their child drink coffee! You didn’t want any part of it.
“Stupid coffee ice cream, its not even December yet!” You quickly grumbled under your breath.
”Uhm, excuse me?” You nearly forgot about the rush hour at work today. Hastily you straighten your spine. The customer was a lady, maybe in her late 50s. Her pale skin wore brightly colored pigment over its wrinkles and creases. Her hair was short but bumped up and curled.
“Oh I said, hi welcome to StaryBunkers,” You correct yourself quickly, trying to pass your entirely different words as the same, you grasp notepad and it’s thin paper in one hand, and a pencil in another. Forcibly, you gave the customer a fake smile that would impress the greatest actress. “What would you like for today. Behind your fake smile and your facial creases, you internally prayed with every god, deity, and goddess you know, hoping that they wouldn’t say..
“The Christmas Chocolate Winter Cream,” The older lady grasp her young daughter tightly that was so short, you just now noticed her. She seems to be up to her mother’s knees. “make that two please, today’s my girls big day!” The woman’s words didn’t invoke any feeling of excitement that usually does when some says big day to you.
“tHe cHirStmAs cHocOlatE wIntEr cReAm”
Your sighs of annoyance was held captive in the bars of your fake smile. “Of course!” Your forgery of cheerfulness impressed your cashier partners who’s fake smile was somewhat stiff and expressionless. “Birthday I presume?” You ask, the pencil’s tip close to the paper, ready to write.
“Yep!” The little girl chirped, her two brown pigtails swinging with you as she nodded her head. Ok you had to admit, the little girl was very sweet and cute. She single handedly made your stressful day a little bit better (ugh what a queen, we stan)
Your smile became more genuine, you heart even warmed a little.. “Coming right up, wait a moment please.” You paced hastily behind you, internally wishing you could spend you whole entire day in the back. You made your way quickly to the kitchen, hoping the customer were the patient type as you heard the shouts of anger coming from the drive through. You took a quick glance at the altercation.
“I SAID CHRISTMAS CHOCOLATE WINTER CREAM,” The customer aggressively yanked the the lid up. “THIS ISN’T ENOUGH CREAM!” The white and red haired boy calmly his hands out, trying to rationalize with the person.
“Sir, ” He spoke with dullness, “Thats how much cream comes with it.” But the customer only got even more hotheaded.
“NO IT ISN’T!”
“Yes it is.” Todoroki scrunched his face up, “You don’t even work here, how would you know?” Todoroki, unknowingly made the man even more upset which cause the drink from his hand to fly out towards him. You panic, rushing over there the close the door before it was too late. But, the man was quicker, and as the drink came rushing to a motionless Todoroki, a body came rushing in to take the hit, Kirishima.
“Brrooooooo” He said in slow motion. “Poor Kiri” you internally spoke with pity. And as the man ran away, kirishima’s stomach burned from the heat of the coffee. You cringed at the sound of his small whimpers of pain. “F in the chat.” You busy back to the kitchen.
The steam from the coffee makers brush against your skin, squeezing out a very thin layer of sweat on your cheeks. Quickly, you yelled.
“Two Today Specials for Cashier number UNO,” the Barista’s groaned, “AKA Y/N!” You yelled again for clarification. They, annoyedly, went back to work with the drinks again. The most pissed out of all them though was Bakugou. Not cause of the loaded day. But because everyone was going to “slow”. He huffed, panted, scream, yelled, intensely ordered and more,
The man was like lighting, filling up cup after cup after cup.
“Move your asses!” He sealed three cups and handed them to Mina, “Y/N stop wasting your time back here and work!” Your posture caved in, but you obey his command like a solider obeying their Sargent.
“Aye aye, Captain.” You sang jokingly. And while the others smirk and giggled amongst the stresss, Bakugou arch an eyebrow at your jokes and went back to work.
You happily went along to the front again to update the mother and the daughter about their meals. But as you approach them, you could hear the mother’s now bewildered voice. It was like cat nails to a chalkboard and her voice was crackly.
Her scream filled the whole place, putting a pause on the whole day. You internally panicked, not only can you feel the wrath of the woman from where you were standing, you could also feel the piercing and grim stare of Bakugou behind you. Once again, you we’re praying to gods, goddess, and deities. Praying that whatever is out there won’t eat you alive. Swallowing down your fear, you began to walk, with the feeling of it stuck down in your stomach.
Once you were in her eyesight, she swatted her daughters arms. And like a puppy, the girl immediately obeyed, handing her phone to her. The lady was obnoxiously grumbling words under breath as she pressed record. And with a large gulp she began her fit. You knew exactly what was gonna happen.
This..this must be the Karen they’ve talked about.
“SAY HELLO TO THE MEDIA!” Her voice sings with pride, “THIS PERSON MADE MY DAUGHTER WAIT ONE HOUR FOR HER DRINK-“ Your eyes grew with shock at the woman’s words. But before you could say anything, the cashier next to you, Deku interjected. His arm reached over to hover over your body as a means to protect you.
“Hang on now!” He argued. “You’ve only been here for three minutes!” You nodded in agreement. Pushing Deku’s arm up to cover your face from the camera.
“I’m sorry for the wait ma’am” you apologize, “But all you had to do was wait a couple of more minute-“
“DO YOU SEE THIS?” The woman ignored your remarks and claims, instead focusing on her own, “THEY ARE TRYING TO DISCREDIT ME AND MY NINE! YES NINE! YEAR OLD DAUGHTER!” She waved her phone in her daughters face like she was evidence. She waved, hopped, and dance around the counters and to other people’s table. “HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE DRINK HERE!” Her words and movements were melodramatic and over the top.
And after her little rant to the people, some of which left, she stomped her way back to you and Deku. This time, she had a nasty smirk on her face and a hot drink in her free hand she stolen from another customer.
“Ya know what!”
“Oh no not this again”
Hastily, you moved Deku and you away from the woman’s sight. You two ran into the back kitchen to Chef Ramsey Bakugou. Who was now even more pissed. Not only did Y/N make a Karen mad (ok he knew it impossible not to make them mad he’s just stressed). But no, instead of running to him, Y/N runs to Deku first?! Man’s got his priorities straight.
As Deku quickly runs over the back area to get his phone, you rush over to Bakugou and the others in panic. “Bakugou, call the police!” The others around quickly take of aprons and another things at the words of that. Police involved?? Yep they think a murder just went down. But Bakugou just grumbles and huffs.
“No.”
....
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO!?” Bakugou looks at you with bewilderment, this is his first time hearing you yell at him that way. But before he process the fact that a cinnamon bun is yelling at him, you began to grasp and shake at his shoulders. “THE LADY IS TRYING TO KILL ME!”
“WELL YOU SHOULD’VE CAME TO ME INSTEAD OF FUCKING DEKU FOR PROTECTION..” Bakugou fumbled and shouted through his words. “Y-YOU BIG MEANIE”
You two went silent after that,
Big
...
Big Meanie?
Deku came out from the back with his phone, “Shoto!” Todoroki’s head jerked towards his way. “Help me with the Karen!” Todoroki nodded.
————-
Finally, the situation was under control, the Karen was banned from the coffee shop, Mina and Denki gave Kirishima some aloe. And while things didn’t really calm down until the day was done, everyone seemed a bit less tense, expect you and Bakugou. For the rest of the day, he was knocking over cups, using wrong lids, and spilling coffee. Dude’s lucky that he wasn’t fire. He felt embarrassed by the way he reacted. Now Y/N probably saw him as some type of control freak. Tensions were high and he was stressful.
Bakugou quickly moved pass the others, trying to clock out early before Y/N sees him-
“Hey Bakugou” Bakugou internally groaned at the sound of your voice. Screw you plot device he said to himself. Bakugou turned his head to the side to face you. Yo he side view is lowkey cute you noted. “Could we talk outside, after I clock out?”
Oh how badly Bakugou wanted to say no. The pit in his stomach grew bigger as he nodded.
“Great, just give me a second” Bakugou nodded once again and quickly clocked out. He’s footsteps echoed in his head as he waited outside, leaning against the glass wall of the store.
He didn’t know what you were gonna say, but he had an idea of it. He annoyed you to no end, made things harder for you, and was never truly nice to you that often. How was he suppose to believe that you would like a guy like him in anyway? He internally frowned at his thoughts, the words eating him up and chewing him out only to get stepped on by the crushing feeling of doubt.
Once he saw the buildings door open with you coming out to join him, that crushing feeling of doubt covered and weighed down on him. This was it he thought. He shoved his hands into his pockets, readying himself for the painful impact of rejected.
“Bakugou..” you softly asked. Bakugou hmm’d at you with a feeling of shame boiling inside.. “Did you mean it when you said i was a big meanie?” Bakugou let out a sigh of pain.
He caught onto your words late, “Look I’m sorry for-what?”
“You called me a big meanie.” You mumbled, “and I was wondering if you were serious because one, you’re like 23.”
“I’m 16” he deadpanned  “Like you.” You ignored him though.
“and two, you’re the one who’s been acting like a big meanie.” You accused which wasn’t contradicted, “And all cause you like me huh” Bakugou opened his mouth to spew his defense, but nothing came out but a small “I”. He sighed defeatedly.
“Im sorry,” He spoke. “I just, didn’t know how to tell you or whatever.” He spoke so awkwardly and shy. “I’ll uh, I’ll leave you alone or whatever.”
You drew out a finger, objecting. “Hold on now,” you replied. “Who said I didn’t like you?” Bakugou’s heart sparked at those words, he lifted his head, red sparks in his eyes. “Hey what can I say? A big meanie like me likes big meanies too.”
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fenristheorem · 2 years
Text
Quick Update
Short answer: Yes I’m alive lol. I still haven’t been writing a lot but I’m still here. Another fandom has temporarily stolen my interest (I won’t be writing for it though). I will most likely be writing a guide for Lance in ANE episode 9, but no promises as I’ve really been having trouble taking care of myself as of late.
Extended answer: 
(Regarding guides:) I work Thursday and my sleep schedule is screwed so I don’t know if I’ll have the energy to be coherent enough to make a guide that makes sense (it depends on how my night so far goes - I’m playing my life by the moments as of late) while still having enough energy to work afterwards, so I’ll see what I can do but no promises on the guide. It’s very tempting to play through the episode immediately though (also so I can avoid spoilers) so not all hope is lost. I’ll probably give an update in the morning if I’m up to play it before the episode is released. 
(Regarding writings:) I still don’t know when I’ll get back to writing as my job has completely screwed my mental health so I’m working on damage control to keep myself grounded which means that writing is on the back burner for me. The situation has gotten much better to the point where almost everything is fixed, but unfortunately there’s a lot of damage that can’t be immediately undone so I’ll need time to relax again to the point of being able to concentrate and write (in the mean time, if anyone wants me to post a few sections of some WIPs I have, feel free to comment on this post that you’re interested so I know to post a couple - just keep in mind that they’re works in progress so it won’t be completely polished off). 
(Regarding other distractions:) Eldarya has been usurped and I’m into another fandom of which I probably won’t name (because I’m very shy about it for reasons I still don’t understand lol). I’ll definitely swing back around to Eldarya in time and kick my rear to start writing again but right now with everything going on in my life my interests align with other things, so I won’t pressure myself. I’m also pretty busy planning out some traveling for next month to scout out areas I’m interested in moving to, as I may be moving in the next couple of years, so that of course takes time and research. And holidays. Holidays take up a ridiculous amount of time in my life for some reason. Or maybe that’s my anxiety about the holidays coming up that’s making me think that. Anyways, I don’t have enough time and patience on my hands to try and realign my interests with Eldarya again right now, but I’m happy to play a new episode. I’ll definitely come back eventually, I just gotta get things sorted out and off my back.
Thank you for listening to my rant.
(Happy holidays everyone, and have a wonderful December to those who don’t celebrate. ❤)
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footballxposts · 3 years
Text
A Blue Forever - Mason Mount
Prompt: Mason proposes.
Warnings: Flufffyyyy af
Recommended listening: Fairytale of New York by Gavin James
A/N: I might do a p2 to this bc I have ideas that need to be released.
It was a dark and frosty Tuesday evening in December, exactly four days before Christmas. As you and Mason, your childhood best friend turned boyfriend, pulled into one of the staff-only bays of the car park situated next to the Millennium hotel, you sighed furiously. He refused to tell you the entirety of your journey where you’s had been headed, and now he was adamant on remaining silent, giving you no indication as to why you were now less than a five minute walk away from Stamford Bridge. Your head was rested against your fist, your elbow on the window ledge, holding your arm upright. Mason quickly took the keys out of his ignition, and flicked the overhead light in between you both on to illuminate your faces. Smiling across from you like a little kid, you turned your face to meet him, your expression still blank.
“Come on, don’t look at me like that.” He teased, taking your free hand into his own. “You’ll find out why we’re hear in a few minutes.”
“Why can’t you tell me now?” You whined and pouted at him, hoping your puppy dog eyes would win him over like they usually do. But it wasn’t working. Mason was terrible at keeping secrets, especially from you, but nothing was going to stop him this time.
“Because it’s supposed to be a surprise and if I tell you now it won’t will it?” he widened his eyes back at you, his little grin still in place.
“No, but you know I hate surprises, Mase. I always have done and always will. So pleeease can you just spare me the anxiety and possible embarrassment and just tell me now?!”
Ignoring your final plea, he rolled his eyes and mumbled a small ‘my god woman’ under his breath before looking down at the phone in his hands. An incoming call message was now plastered across the screen from a number you didn’t recognise, the vibrations and ringing causing the pit that had already formed in your stomach becoming even bigger.
“We’re all ready when you are, Mason.” a woman’s voice sounded, just audible enough for you to hear despite his phone not being on loudspeaker.
“Okay perfect thank you. See you in a minute!” Mason replied kindly. Ending the call, he hurriedly re-locked the device and turned the light above you both off. “Ready?” He asked nervously, his eyes twinkling ever so slightly.
“I mean I don’t know what for and no not really but okay, let’s go.” You replied with a huff, letting go of his hand and grabbing your handbag from down beside your feet. Mason stepped outside the car first, and you followed after as he closed his door, the crisp air hitting you both. As you closed your own, you met up with him around the back of the car and linked arms, making your way to the stadium entrance, blissfully unaware that the best moment of your entire life to date was patiently awaiting you inside.
Upon entering the building, you were greeted by a friendly-looking female, one who you could only assume was the lady Mason had been speaking with on the phone previous to your arrival. Mason engaged in conversation with her as you zoned out, eyes observing the empty grounds and racking your brain for an answer. Thought upon thought filled your mind, but you couldn’t pinpoint a solid explanation. Why on earth had he brought you to not only one of his main places of work but both your childhood club’s historic venue at 9pm in the evening when it wasn’t a match-day and it was so close to Christmas? Literally nothing made sense.
Before you could bite your cheeks or worry yourself sick anymore, Mason’s hand gently squeezed your own as he led the way to the Shed End. Stepping outside and making your way down the steps, you came to one of the middle rows and sat down beside him, not before looking down at him and giving him a stubborn ‘can you please tell me what is going on now?’ look.
“Mason Tony Mount, can you please enlighten me as to why we are sat here on a cold winters night when there’s no reason to be?” you looked at him, clutching at your scarp. “I’m scared now.” you informed him. His eyes looked at your own and he smiled, then diverted his attention back to the empty green pitch in front of you both.
“Do you remember when we were.. I don’t know maybe around ten years old? I think it was a few years after I had just started training properly for Chels at the academy. And we came here to watch the first team play together and after the match you told me you couldn’t wait to see me playing at this place someday, I think you referred to it as ‘with the ‘big boys’, but don’t quote me on it.” He smirked.
Placing your hands in your pockets and leaning back into the hard plastic seat, you took a deep breath before answering. “Yeah of course.. how could I forget? It seems like it was yesterday. And yes you’re right that’s exactly what I said though it pains me to admit it.” you responded, looking down at your lap with a small awkward smile. “What about it though?”
“Well, I told you I didn’t think I would ever be good enough, maybe for the first team back in Portsmouth but never for a club as big at Chelsea even though I was in the academy. But you had faith in me and reassured me even at that age. You said..”
“I said ‘You have to play here Mase. Chelsea’s not just our favourite team it’s our second home.’” Your smile widened at him as you took the words out of his mouth. “I told you.. I remember.” Mason smiled back as tears began forming in your eyes. “And now look at you.”
“And now look at me. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you Y/N. I owe so so much of it to you.” He said, standing up from his position and holding out his hand again. “Which is why I need you to follow me again because I want to say thank you.” Taking his hand into your own, you followed him down to the end of the stand, and made your way onto the pitch.
You went to question him again multiple times but each time he cut you off, not giving away anything. As you came to the end of the tunnel and walked towards the centre of the field, the frosty green grass now with a trail of footprints on it.
“Mason what on earth is going on?” You asked him, terrified as to what was about to happen.
“I’ll tell you in two minutes I promise, but first watch this.” He said, pointing to one of the large screens as the floodlights had gone off. You jumped a little but the little moment of being slightly petrified was about to be so worth it. Now playing was a video compiled with memories of you and Mason growing up to now. You laughed and sobbed as you looked back on all your special moments with such fondness and gratitude. Each part of the video had a message appearing on the screen, with Mason telling you all the things he loved about you and how he couldn’t wait to create so many more memories with you like all the ones you had shared over the years. The final message to appear on the screen was a question. It read ‘you helped make one of my dreams come true. will you please help me make another come true by saying say yes?’
Confused and in shock, you gasped and put your hand up to your mouth, not realising Mason had moved behind you whilst you were reminiscing and distracted. Turning around as only some of the lights came back on, you saw Mason down on one knee and started bawling. He was crying himself, but also unable to contain his smile.
“Y/F/N, You have been my best friend and my girlfriend for the longest time ever now, and I absolutely adore you. I don’t think that’s ever going to change. I don’t want it to because loving you to ends of this earth in the greatest privilege I’ve ever been given. Please will you do me the honours of marrying me and being my wife?” He asked, popping the all important question.
“Oh my god, Mase.” You sniffled. “Yes, of course.” You said as he stood up again, kissing you as his body engulfed you in a hug. Just as you broke apart and he placed the most beautifully cut ring you had ever seen on your finger, it started snowing. The snowflakes dancing around you both, tickling your skin. Smiling as your foreheads rested against each other, music started playing and fireworks began shooting up from the roof of the stadium. He really had pulled out all of the stops.
“Ready for one last surprise?” He asked.
“More? Mase my heart, I don’t think I can take it.” You giggled at him.
“I promise you it’s just one more thing and it’s literally only something small.” He responded.
“Okay.” You said making your way down the tunnel after him. You stopped outside the home dressing room. Upon entering, you noticed all the other players shirts had been taken off their usual hanging spots, including Mason’s, which had been replaced by one in only his spot. On the back of a new home jersey was ‘Mrs. Mount 19’.
“Oh wow, nice touch.” You teased him, nudging his side with your elbow as you walked over towards it. Your old jerseys at home only ever had Mason’s surname on the back of them.
“What can I say? You’re not just any blue forever, you’re my blue forever.” He winked.
Best early Christmas present you had ever got from your best friend. Ever.
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whatiwillsay · 3 years
Text
submission: we need to talk about ttb (spade-riddles)
Hey Cam. Seeing that ask defending TTB’s doxxing has sort of pushed me to finally share some of my story on Tumblr, I guess. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk about this to anyone fully, so this will probably be long, but I hope you don’t mind me venting.
I’m one of the people that got emailed by TTB. I don’t feel comfortable posting this off anon, but I was in a Discord server with you and @bisluthq and some other people back in Dec/Jan. I don’t know if you remember me, but my name on there was one word and began with an L and ended with an S.
I want to share the full story, but I also don’t feel comfortable with sharing certain details publicly because I’m still very wary of getting outed further by her if she sees this, so I’m gonna be vague about some things
Request to her followers — If you see this, please don’t send this to her. Like I’m genuinely asking you not to because I don’t trust her not to cross any more lines. My dad is a major homophobe with serious anger issues who has literally been arrested for violence before, and she doesn’t really think carefully or maybe even care about how any actions she takes could lead to people being harmed, so I’m not eager to see how she might react.
Anyway, I first got an email back in December, and I was really freaked out by it at first. I spoke to one of my mutuals about it, and although we both agreed it was super weird and invasive and creepy, we ended up trying to see the funny side of it. So, I kinda just brushed it off and moved on. I was mainly just really confused about why I had been targeted because at the time, I thought it was only me who’d gotten an email like that. I didn’t understand why she’d specifically targeted me instead of other people who she clearly disliked a lot more.
About a week later, I saw someone on Tumblr mentioning a strange email, and I realised other people must have gotten them too. I spoke to Nat about what happened to me and ended up in the Discord
At the time, I felt like I’d gotten off really easy comparatively to others because I initially didn’t realise that she’d contacted anyone else. And so I tried to act chill about it because I didn’t want to make things about me, but honestly, I was extremely anxious. I felt on edge for over a week. I would keep checking her blog again and again because I was super worried that she would post our personal details publicly. I scrolled through my entire blog from start to finish and deleted a lot of posts that were either personal or that I just didn’t want anyone I knew in real life to read.
This part I have to be vague about because it would basically give away who I am, but it was only a while later when I thought I was in the clear that someone I knew in real life texted me and mentioned seeing a weird email about me. The email had been sent a while back, and they’d been shown it by the original recipient/s. Multiple people had been shown it, but luckily (kinda), only two of those people were actually people I saw on a regular basis
I’m mostly closeted, but I’m kind of technically out to a few of my immediate family members. But it’s very much a DADT situation because they’re not accepting, and they like to just pretend I’m straight. And so I basically have to act closeted even when I’m around them, and I can’t even ALLUDE to being gay.
But with my dad, it’s different. He’s very homophobic. I’m only gonna mention this next part so that people understand what kind of dangerous situation that TTB could have put me in. (And the other people that she doxxed too because she didn’t know how safe their individual situations were). It’s all really personal, and I wouldn’t ordinarily feel comfortable sharing any of this at all, even anonymously, but I think it needs to be said because her actions were extremely fucking irresponsible.
Right, so when I first “came out” to my dad, it was actually an accident, and he reacted… extremely badly. This was back in like… 2018 or 2019, I can’t remember the exact year
(TW // physical abuse, homophobia)
He was extremely angry, literally shaking. He yelled at me, he described in graphic detail how he was going to “break every bone in my body”, “strangle the life out of me”, “drown me”, etc. He kept telling me that I’m disgusting and going to Hell, you get the idea. He was having a lot of fun with making strangling motions and stabbing motions with his hands, and he kept slamming his hand onto the table. That went on for about 15 minutes, and then he stood up and threw a chair from the dining table at me. That was fun lol. And he punched me in the head pretty hard which kinda knocked me back. I felt dizzy, I had to sit down on the floor. At that point, my mum who had been crying and asking him to stop physically intervened, and he ended up storming out of the house instead. My mum’s a genuinely good person btw. She’s a little homophobic, but she cares about me a lot, and I’m very grateful for her. She hates him too, but she’s kinda stuck with him… It wasn’t her fault
He literally hates gay people. He complains about us on the regular. One time, he threw the remote at the TV and cracked the screen just because there was a gay male couple kissing onscreen. Another time, he threw a rock at a gay man on the street. There was also a time where he forced a few of my siblings (who didn’t want to do it) to throw peeled oranges out of the window at people celebrating pride while he drove past them and yelled insults at them. He found that really funny. Anyway, I’m sure you guys get the idea of what kind of person he is
He hasn’t laid a hand on anybody in several months though, so I do think he’s trying to be better at least. Like he’s still verbally abusive and controlling and awful, but I appreciate that he’s at least making an effort to calm down with the hitting and kicking and stuff
Anyway, with my dad, it’s less DADT and more that I think he’s got it in his head that he managed to scare me into “seeing the error of my ways” and that I’ve “stopped choosing to be gay” and that I’m now straight. So, if it had been HIM who had gotten that email, it would’ve been like… extremely bad. Like I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. And this is why I’m so angry at TTB. It was extremely, extremely irresponsible of her to not consider these kinds of possibilities before she sent out her stupid emails. She’s supposed to be an ally, but it didn’t even cross her mind that these emails would lead to people being outed and possibly even harmed?? It’s not okay at all. I’m just very grateful that she didn’t send one to him because I don’t even know what kind of situation I would be in right now.
Anyway, enough about my fucking awful dad… I feel uncomfortable that I even typed all of that out, but I wanted people to understand how dangerous her actions could have been. Like I mean, my dad’s got PTSD and extreme anger issues from his teenage years, so I do try not to judge him TOO harshly, but there’s no excuse for being a huge bigot or occasionally violent. The idea of him being the one who got that email is still so scary to me. Like my heart is racing just thinking about it
One of the people that DID read the email was the male friend I mentioned earlier though. He was shown it by someone else for a particular reason, and he was a very important person to me. Like he was a good guy, we were close, he helped me out with certain personal issues I have and is one of only two people that I know in real life that I felt comfortable confiding in about them. We’d always meet up once a week, sometimes twice, and we’d just talk about stuff and make an effort to help each other out with things. Like he was very important to me.
It turns out that he’d looked through my blog before I’d got around to scrubbing it, and he asked me if I was gay in person the next time we met up. I couldn’t lie because like… he’d have known I was lying right to his face. So, I told him I was, and you should have seen his face. It made me feel so awful about myself. He looked really stunned and shocked and kinda uncomfortable. Like it got so awkward, and I started rambling and making things worse. He was avoiding eye contact, and my voice was shaking.
I ended up making up an excuse to leave about 5 mins later and had an actual anxiety attack. Again, this is embarrassing and something I’d never usually talk about online, but I just want to get it all off my chest so that I can move past it all.
So, I was like on the verge of tears (I don’t cry easily), I couldn’t breathe properly, I was pacing around the building, and I just wanted to escape, so I headed straight for the doors. There was a queue of about 100 people lined up and waiting to leave, and I couldn’t think straight or breathe and just needed to be outside, so I tried to go out through the other exit which is for staff only. The security guard stopped me and basically publicly humiliated me in front of all of those people. He loudly shamed me and said I “didn’t have any decency” for attempted to jump the queue, lectured me in this really condescending tone, and then sent me right to the back of that huge line. Meanwhile, I was literally in the midst of a bad anxiety attack.
And then I eventually got outside and had to call my mum to come and pick me up instead of just making my own way home like I usually do. She’s amazing though tbh because she actually came to get me and didn’t even question why. I had to skip all of my plans for the rest of the day and instead just hid upstairs in my bedroom with the lights off until the next day. I refused to tell any of my family members what had happened even though they kept asking. I just felt so, so awful, and my anxiety was through the roof
To be honest, before that happened, my mindset was like: “I mean, if I get outed, it obviously wouldn’t be good, but I think I’d be able to deal with it fine”. But then, when it actually happened, and I saw the way my close friend reacted, I had like a whole emotional breakdown lol. It’s like, you think you’d be fairly chill in a situation, but when it actually happens, your reaction can be really unpredictable. I was so embarrassed by everything about that entire incident. I didn’t even want to show my face the next day.
It’s been almost two months since that happened, and in that entire time, my friend has contacted me once. We literally used to meet up once or twice a week (and during lockdown, we’d do video calls or phone calls instead), but since then, we’ve barely even spoken. Things are just so awkward now. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like TTB’s taken one of my best friends away from me. I don’t think he’s a homophobe or anything, he has openly gay friends and is fairly accepting, but I think it’s just the way that he found out that has just made things so weird between us now. I feel like if I’d had the chance to come out to him myself in my own way, he wouldn’t have reacted like that. But I’m gonna text him next week and see if we can maybe try to fix our friendship, but I doubt it at this point
The other people who were shown the email, I mostly just avoid. I don’t really care about them knowing that much because I wasn’t close to them, but it’s just really embarrassing knowing that they probably scrolled through my Tumblr blog before I scrubbed it
And about Tumblr… This used to be the only place that I could fully be myself. It was like a “safe space” for me which feels ironic now. But I haven’t been active on my blog since December. I still lurk occasionally, but I just don’t feel comfortable here anymore. I did consider deleting my current blog and starting afresh with a new one, but I don’t think it’d make much of a difference… Like she’s kind of ruined Tumblr for me. I do still enjoy reading people’s blogs every now and then, but I don’t feel relaxed here anymore, I just feel on edge.
It’s mainly the fact that SHE’S still here. She still has a platform, she still has a bunch of followers. It’s been so hard seeing her face next to no consequences whatsoever for the horrible things that she’s done to so many different people. And it upsets me that she hasn’t even acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Plus, it makes me feel even worse that the Hard Kay blogs and some other people are still supporting her and pretending that this whole thing just didn’t happen. Like do they just not care? Or is it that she’s twisted things and made them believe that the situation was different to what it actually was?
And tbh, this whole situation has even set me back in my own sort of personal self-acceptance journey. I had such bad internalised homophobia when I was younger, and it took me so many years to get to a place where I had mostly accepted myself. But now I just feel ashamed again, and I’ve gone back to my old habit of trying to force myself to be attracted to men. Like I downloaded Tinder the other day and set my preference to men and was swiping through profiles. It’s kinda silly actually. I did snap out of it and delete the app the next day though. But I don’t know, I feel like this whole thing has just kinda fucked with me a bit. I am trying to work this stuff out and get back to normal though. I think I’ll be good again in maybe a month or so, hopefully.
And… yeah. I just really resent her, and this situation upsets me. Because the reason she did this was so petty and ridiculous, and I guess she didn’t even realise how much it would impact people? Like I do know that my situation wasn’t as bad as some of the other people’s situations, and I feel really bad for them, and I hope they’re all doing okay. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them. But it still has impacted me a lot more than I actually thought it would. I thought I’d get over it within a couple of weeks. But it’s been like two months, and I’m still not completely over it
I know it might not sound like a huge thing, but being outed really does affect you, even if it’s only to a few people. Because to me, I feel like I’ve had my sense of like, security and comfort taken away, and it’s kinda distressing. Sorry if I sound dramatic with any of this, I just really needed to say all of this stuff to other people besides myself lol
Like her actions have literally led to me being outed to a few people. A close friendship that I had has basically been ruined. I don’t feel comfortable or secure on Tumblr anymore, even though it used to be an important outlet for me. I’ve had a resurgence of anxiety about my sexuality. Etc.
And again, my dad is extremely homophobic and literally made death threats to me and physically attacked me back when I accidentally came out to him in 2018 or 2019. And if he had gotten that email, I don’t even know what would have happened. I don’t think he would have like… SERIOUSLY physically harmed me, but there would definitely have been a repeat of the first incident. More throwing chairs at me and hitting and screaming and death threats. I don’t really want to think about it.
It just bothers me that she didn’t even consider that? Like did it not even cross her mind? And my dad is bad, but I’m sure there are people in the fandom who have even worse parents, and she could have got one of those people instead. It’s just so… I don’t know, it’s just so frustrating to me.
Anyway, I just hate her for what she did… Like maybe I shouldn’t, but I really do resent her so much, and I don’t think I could forgive her even if she apologised to us all (which I don’t think she even would because she doesn’t seem to have any decency whatsoever). The least she could do is at least express some kind of remorse, but she just genuinely doesn’t care, and that’s super messed up. All over some stupid Tumblr blog that is much less important than she thinks it is.
But anyway… I apologise for the whole rant, and if anybody read all the way down to here, I appreciate it. I do actually feel a bit better now that I’ve got this all typed out. And I’m sorry for the oversharing lol, I usually don’t do this, but I just felt like I really needed to tell people and get it off my chest so that I can try to get over it — L
submisssion⬆️⬆️⬆️
ok L i am trying to remain calm here because this isn’t about me.  but i am very emotional right now.  i am so so so infinitely sorry that you had to go through this harrowing and terrifying experience.  ttb (now blogging under spade-riddles) is absolutely disgusting, lower than dirt, that she would put your life, safety, and well-being at risk over a fucking kaylor blog.
please please please im me or get in touch somehow because i want to offer you support.  have you been financially impacted by this?  we can raise money.  do you need therapy?  we can help you find the support you need.  this community is unequivocally here for you.  whatever you need, if it’s in my power to help you get it, i will.  you have my solemn promise on that.
i am so deeply and desperately sorry that you have gone through this.  i was shaking while reading your story.
i am in touch with other people and we are in discussion about the best way to let tumblr know what happened.  this will be a safe space for you (and all of us) again if it’s the last thing i do.  this community is 100% here for you in any way we can help, sending you all the support and love we have.
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Only Time Makes It Human 3
Part 1 | Part 2
A/N: hi and sorry for the long wait, I had to squish my brain real hard to get this chapter out, but I hope you like it, I decided a chapter about growth wasn't enough and y'all gave me an idea for angst so I just splashed it there and we'll delve into it more on the next chapter. 10/10 the idea works well enough for me to bring Levi and reader together even more. So don't call me out on being random. This is raw, un fucking edited, I'll edit later 💗
Pairing: Levi/ Reader
Tags: modern au, college au
Warnings: mentions of blood
Special kudos if you figure out why I used this gif ;)
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The problem with your feet being numb in the morning when you woke up wasn't supposed to phase you as much as it currently did, but the weathering cold that had barged its way to your room silently begged to have you feel something other than the everlasting whirlpool of regret.
Which was -unsurpisingly- something you had been spiraling into a lot lately.
Your ringtone -or rather the caller that had caused it to go off- nontheless remained mercilessly unforgiving to your current condition. The brute vibrations that accompanied your once favorite song ripped through the air and bounced on every wall inside your room before it wooshed inside your eardrums.
You fucking finally had to change that ringtone, you thought.
Your feet, moist and heavy as they buzzed with the aftermath of the coma-like sleep you had just gone through, struggled to wiggle from underneath the comfort of your blankets. Your hands instinctively rubbed the underside of your nose as you sniffled all the cold of the room around you. Throwing the blanket off of you, you groaned at the non stop ringing of your phone.
The few steps to your desk felt like an eternity of having to walk with a badgy weight on your feet, but the faint feeling in your body didnt come to an halt even after you picked the device in your hands. Your eyes couldn’t really adjust well to make out the ID of the caller, of course, sleep hadn't rubbed off your eye lids yet, but still you slid the emerald button to acceptance with no resistance.
“Hey” you sleepingly moaned.
“Hellooo! (Y/n)!” Hange called enthusiastically for the other line, her joyous voice piercing your eardrums “Where are you booo?”
“I just woke up why?” you yanwed.
Pacing your eyes around your room you noticed the dull daylight creeping in through your blinds, signaling the gloom of another potentially snowy day for Trost. You blinked as you took notice of the few articles of soon to reside in the laundry bin clothing as well as the dress that hung from your closet door.
And then, it all snapped.
“Oh. shit!”
Anxiety rushed through you like a bullet to the gut, gushing numbness and waves of cold sweat from the point of impact. Forcefully, you ripped your phone off your ear and double tapped at screen to make it light up. The date read December 25, and below it, laid numerous notifications of your alarm and even a pop up reminder from last night to not forget the food you had to take with you.
Thinking back to that, your head started spinning like crazy, the familiar, yet bizarre feeling of your stomach dropping overtaking you. You hadn't cooked, rather, you had spent all night drinking and sulking on your own, cursing yourself for all your choices up to date.
"Yes, oh shit!” Hnge laughed “Oh! You forgot?”
"Hangeeee stop screaming oh my god no I didn't forget, I'm on my way okay?"
A little yelp came out of your mouth as the cable of your charger prevented you from taking another step closer to your bedroom door; letting out a curse under your breath though you quickly unplugged your phone, and rushed over the mess of your room and out to your living room.
"But you said you just woke up."
"Ahhh," you scratched your head, feeling your loose t-shirt sliding down your shoulder "no!" You said, then in a sterner voice you repeated "No! I uhm, I was just-"
Your poor excuse to communicate after having just woken up didn't startled Hange. If anything, she seemed to find it amusing because she burst into joyous, bubbling laughter at the sound of your despair. And you couldn't blame her for it; were you under any other circumstance you would be laughing with yourself as well.
"It's fine. Erwin and I are making a cake for shorty so if you want to cook here you have plenty of time yet. I'm going to say it though, we could really use your pastry skill."
You let out a sigh as you took your phone off your ear and pressed on the speaker icon. Your hands worked fast to grip onto the hem of your shirt and then, even faster, they managed to pull it off of you in shift movements.
"I'm just going to have a shower, dress up and I'll be on my way. It shouldn't take more than 30 minutes."
Hange exhaled in utter relief through the phone and you could practically feel her sheepish smile as Erwin shouted a big fat 'thank you' from the depths of his kitchen. Bringing out a hand to grap your shower cap -the only shower product you loathed using- you ripped the cap off its place on your cabinet and messily shoved all of your hair in it in rushed movements.
"Got any questions before I hit the shower Hange?"
"Please ask her" Erwin was heard and you cocked your head to the side at the sound.
"No Erwiin, we got it under control okay?"
"No we don't."
Shaking your head to prevent yourself from zoning out, you clicked your tongue before opening your mouth to address your two friends. Asking as to what they were referring to was easy, although it was obvious that Hange felt confident in succeeding in the task Erwin was referring to. Knowing Hange though, you thought you could guess perhaps what exactly was going on.
"Please don't mix food coloring with spinach juice to make the cake green like two years ago."
Erwin's laughter was pretty much evident through the other line as Hange went on blubbering about how she wasn't going to do it again giving extreme emphasis as to why she couldn't understand the reason it tasted bad in the first place but would go with what you said nevertheless. At that point Erwin was laughing hysterically, telling you how Hange was once again, indeed, thinking about it and the sound of his laughter grew even louder than Hange's words.
"Do you have food coloring?"
"Yes Hange I have food coloring."
"Plea-pleaee bring some. Dammit Erwin what's gotten into you- gotta go (y/n) see you in a while."
The beeping sound from the other line left you little to no time to properly reply to your friends with a much wanted greeting, though, you didn't think much of it. You were going to spend the whole day with them, so getting upset over not getting the chance to say goodbye over the phone wasn't something that should have caused guilt to spurt in you.
But surely, this wasn't the only cause of your overly bubbling guilt. The actual cause of the knot in your gut laid to the fact that within the time span of two weeks you had managed to to drag Levi and yourself into a rather steep rabbit hole. There was going to be a serious impact of your relationship with your friends had the two of you made it known to them; everyone would scold you -and they'd be right at that- and maybe this time they'd pick sides as to what wrong or not. And you didn't want that.
Although you secretly wished everyone went with Levi. Or at least you had come to the conclusion that that was what you deserved.
You had been feeling bothered and repulsed by what had caused you to make out with him that night, given the fact that you had been the one that initiated the kiss. And just as much, you had been feeling furious over Levi allowing this to ever happen. But looking back at it now, you couldn't say you regretted getting close to him even in such way. And that was probably the most infuriating thing of all.
Nevertheless, there was also the fact that you would be seeing Levi today and frankly you didn't know what to do with that. Should you act like everything was fine? Should you simply ignore him? Was Petra going to be with him?
Speaking of Petra it would be best if you straight up let her know of what had happened. Acting shady with another woman's man behind her back was outrageous for anyone to do and you hated being in that position like the next person.
Your stomach twisted dangerously at your spiraling thoughts, but you chose to ignore the tight knot, attributing the loud growl you had heard to one caused by your excessive hunger.
Perhaps, your shower was going to help you sort out your thoughts and intentions.
With a twist of your wrist the water started sprinting out of the tap in your shower. Your eyes were fixated on your phone, your thumb roaming through Spotify in hopes to find the perfect song to company your bath with. You simply said good for a Christmas playlist that Spotify suggested, tapping on that, a list of numerous jolly songs popped up in your screen and you simply pressed the big shuffle button before putting your head on your cabinet.
..
The walk to Erwin's house was very much and as previously expected, quiet. The sidewalks on your way were all covered in sugary white snow, decorating each different apartment complex in the non urban side of Trost along with the standard holiday decorations.
Taking a deep sigh you brought the back of your finger to the metallic button of Erwin's doorbell. Blinking rationally, you looked around at the marble front door frame of his apartment complex, your blood subtly rushing to your feet. You dragged the tip of your combat boot over the snow, curling your toes on the fuzzy material that covered the inside of the shoe.
You were beginning to become impatient as you waited on the doorframe, Erwin was taking way too long to open the door and you were practically freezing out there; the dress you wore did almost nothing to keep you warm. Despite you taking precautions by wearing a cardigan and the leather coat that you had snatched from your brother, the cold still pierced through your sheer black pantyhose, as if your efforts to stay warm were ridiculous.
The sound of footsteps was what startled you next but still your head didn't turn to the source of the buzzing noise. Your nose simply nuzzled to the scarf you had wrapped around yourself as you rubbed your face onto its warm fleece material.
"Uh, hi."
This time you could help but turn around to check who had thrown a greeting at you.
A familiar puff of ginger hair greeted you as you snuck your nose out of the edge of your scarf, two big and round hazel eyes stared right at you as you blinked rapidly back at them.
Great. Just great.
"Hey."
Petra wiggled her nostrils once to the left and then to the right, seemingly scratching the awkwardness in the atmosphere away. She blinked her eyes a few times into yours, her lips pursing together slightly as if she was coming up with a good comeback to your greeting, yet it never came.
"uhm, what's up?"
Your fingers slightly clutched the edges of your coat, crossing over your chest as you felt your jaw start clattering. Your pupils gathered at the corners of your eyes, catching small glimpses of Petra as you eyed her up and down.
She too had opted for a cardigan and a dress. A very safe choice if you were in a place to express your opinion but hers, despite being adorned with numerous tiny and dainty coral and red flowers, looked so thin and tule like and it barely covered her thighs, so much that you felt a pinch of concern run through you that you were slow to decide on whether you wanted to brush off or not.
"I'm.. good." She managed to let out, but you noticed how her lip trembled.
She was definitely shivering, if that wasn't concerning enough you didn't know what was, and she looked so frail and out of place that she could definitely beat you at it. Plus, the lack of a warm jacket struck somewhat of a nerve at you. Even feeling so much guilt over being in her presence you couldn't help but feel your motherly friend instincts wash over you; why wasn't she wearing something warmer? And why were you seconds away from taking off your jacket to offer it to her when you knew she wouldn't even accept it.
"Damn, Erwin's sure taking long, do you want my jacket?"
"Uh-"
Once again and mostly out of instinct, your finger tapped over the metallic button, covered by the edge of your sleeve. Suddenly, the familiar buzz of the intercom growled in your eardrum and you shook your head to its direction automatically.
"I'm so sorry!" Erwin said. "Come in!"
"Hey Erwin!" Petra spoke before you had a chance to say your wanted reply.
Even if you couldn't see him, you knew how shocked of an expression he was wearing.
Taking the few steps into the apartment complex's yard, you rushed to the next door and waited for the known buzz which signaled that Erwin had finally let you inside. With awkwardness spread over your face though, you pushed your lips into a thing line, holding the door back as you signaled to Petra that she should be the first to come inside.
"Thank you." She muttered.
"No prob."
You watched as Petra hesitated to push the elevator button; with a set of trembling fingers her palm rested only a few inches before the metallic button that was lit in a red arrow. With another smile you came closer to her and went to check in which floor the elevator was currently at. Whether she flinched intentionally or not, you didn't know.
"Wanna share a lift? It'll be a while till it comes down again." You offered.
"Uhm, yeah okay."
Once she responded, Petra tapped onto the elevator button with her thumb.
Petra looked at you and clung onto the edged of her cardigan once again. You took notice of how she looked a little more casual and unkept, despite being dressed on point; the lack of a jacket and her tousled naturally wavy bob betrayed an unwillingness to be present to today's event and it's was painfully obvious.
"I'd like to" Petra hesitated, "I'd like to talk to you about something."
"Oh sure, what is it about?"
"It's about Levi."
Dead silence fell as Petra didn't dare turn her gaze to your direction. The little screen over the elevator button still showed that your lift was taking long to come down as if it mocked you, but you couldn't find it in you to tap into the button once again.
"Would you like to grab some coffee with me tomorrow?"
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
To say that you were panicked would be an exaggeration and probably a degradation to Petra's feelings. Her breathing was heavier than your own, frankly because for her it must have been even more uncomfortable than it was for you. You couldn't blame her for that.
Nonetheless you couldn't help but be genuinely curious as to what she had wanted to tell you? It was evident that she knew something. What's slipped you was whether or not she want to bash you for your actions.
She had every right to do so.
"Yeah. Of course, uhh, tomorrow sounds good."
....
Christmas day wasn't as bad as you had expected it to be when Hange had announced to you that Levi would be coming alone with Petra.
For starters, the food was in plehtora; Erwin had cooked your jolly favorite roasted chicken, Mike and Nanaba had brought an enormous plate of their creamiest, most mouth watering souffle, Levi had made some god tasty pumpkin soup and Hange had taken actually good care of fixing a custom non alcoholic cocktail to each one of you.
All of this drool worthy deliciousness had caused, and non surprisingly at that, your body to submit in that peaceful demi slumber that tagged along with the fullness of your tummy. Frankly, it had been so long since you had enjoyed such a good meal and you didn't think you would be enjoying another one until Mikasa's birthday.
Thus, the cool evening sir that entered the room when Erwin opened the window door to the balcony, found you laying on the floor right next to the tangerine fire that danced in the fireplace. You could faintly feel Nanaba's hand scratch at the roots of your hair, her almond tipped nails slowly running in purringly mellow lines over your sculp that sent you to pure delight.
Levi's eyes danced over your form more than he'd like to admit so. Ever so slightly his pupils would travel up and down your thighs and calfs, examining the material of your sheer back pantyhose but whatever emotion overcame him wasn't the animalistic lust he had expected to feel.
He felt rather guilty. And not only for staring at your legs. For bringing himself upon the situation he was in.
It wasn't easy to think with a throbbing head but in Levi's world this poor condition was translated as a prompt to try to get out of whatever shithole he had found himself in. Maybe. Because there was also a certain part inside of him that bashed him to no end about his previous and degrading actions to both Petra's and his person, which part he completely and rationally justified.
With a quick glance at Petra, Levi brought his hand to his face to hopefully wipe any of the numbness his guilt had got him feeling. Petra seemed to enjoy herself as per usual. With her soft smiles and the mellow sway of her hair over her shoulder, she'd often reach for the hem of her white wooly cardigan to cover her shoulder while cooing into the soft material and onto the side of the couch she was seating in.
It would be hard for anyone to guess that the two of them had broken up.
She was unsurprisingly sitting as far off him as she could; the fact that they hadn't announced to anyone they had broken up because they didn't want the Christmas party at Erwin's to be ruined didn't mean she owned Levi to act like his faithful and bubbly dog.
It happened that night after he had stood her up at the movies.
Levi had gathered all of his determination and had managed to push all thoughts aside from the back of his brain, as he was despairate to ignore that feeling your make out session had brushed on him. He had walked up to Petra, all dissolved and stoic, his chest swelling with anxiety. He had stared at her with an agape mouth, he had been muttering words so honest that he felt were fatally brute and Petra had digested them all without any difficulty.
And before he knew it, he was over and done.
Petra hadn't cried, she hadn't wept, she had only answered him with a smile that she'd rather just be friends with him if things weren't going to work between them.
And to an extended it tortured the ravenette, mostly because he remembered the hurt look in her face before she had managed to hide it with her usual mellow smile.
Taking another sigh, Levi stared at Petra's hand while she played silently with the lettuce hem of her dress. Her hazel orbs were fixed on you, who laid before the fireplace like a stray cat on the tire of car during a snowy day. Levi couldnt exactly place the exact emotion behind Petra's expression, though it would be perceived by most as a saddened one. There were specs of regret gathering at the corners of her eyes, reluctance gathered at her slightly puckered lips and a hint of determination to the front tips of her eyebrows.
Maybe Petra's inner strength was something that Levi deeply admired.
Levi made no effort whatsoever to reach out to her to ask what was going on, not even to show some seemingly convern. The more he looked at Petra, the more it felt utterly wrong for him to simply stand next to her, knowing what he had do behind her back. Whether he loved her or not, it wasn't like him to be caught up in such stupid drama.
"Shorty!"
Levi looked up to an enthusiastic Hange with much tousled hair and a big grin on her face that spread from one ear to another. With another, more thorough glance, he quickly became aware of the cake in her hands; a cake covered in white frosting, decorated with soft pastel green letters that wrote a simple birthday wish to his person. He couldn't help but let out a sigh.
"For you!" Hange smiled further "Erwiiin, come light up the candles!"
Looking around the room he noticed how all of his friends' gazes were on him. Mike and Nanaba remained cuddled on the couch opposite to the one he was on, Petra was mellowy smiling at his eith her cherry lips pressed into a thin line and you were fiddling with what seating arrangement was most comfortable for you at the moment.
"We're celebrating another year where you went up in age and down in height, how delightful." Mike commented, causing laughter to spark between the small group of people around you.
After the spur of happiness died out your eyes met with Levi's, briefly and then they traveled anywhere else in the room altogether.
"Let's light up the candles!" Smiled Erwin as he flicked the small metallic button of his lighter.
"I don't want too many, shit. The last time you took my lungs out."
"Not our fault that you're old Levi!" You spoke, earning a half smile by the ravenette.
"Very old!" Hange agreed.
"Tch, I'm only turning twenty six shut your shitty mouths!"
The warm light of the fire licked each waxed strip of wick that hung from the candles, illuminating Hange's face in warm orange light. Once done with lighting up the candles, Erwin plopped himself in between Levi and Petra, crossing his hands over his knees as he shifted his bottom in the most uncomfortable seating on a couch you had ever witnessed.
You merely caught a glimpse of Hange kneeling before Levi as you dragged your gaze over to Petra, fixating it on her for the thousandth time this evening.
There only was one thing in your head that bounced between the crevices of your brain like crazy. Just one simple words that held so much behind it.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow you were going to apologize to Petra and try to make amends. Being the despicable toxic person you had turned into didn't suit you. Owing up to your mistakes was the first step to redemption and you weren't afraid to take it.
As you fell into a spiral of thoughts and guesses about tomorrow though, you couldn't help but subtly ignore the cheerful sing alone to Levi's birthday song.
.....
"Thank you for coming!"
Petra's hair was messily swaying all over her face, falling a direct victim to the frozen December air, yet she smiled as if nothing was going on.
The park around you was covered in snow. White was primarily the color that was plastered on everything, save for the dry stems of trees that were once covered in forest green leaves.
Your peeping hot coffee did nothing to warm up your hands, despite your best wishes and in the moment you had called victim to some specs of jealousy over Petra's gloved hands as they rubbed soothing over her own coffee.
"Of course, I had been meaning to talk to you as well."
"Oh you did?" Petra spoke with her eyebrows following the little surprise that was masking her tone. "To be honest, I didn't think you'd come."
"Yeah about that-"
"Can I please go first?" Petra cut you off.
Her huge hazel eyes that blinked into yours from your left side left you little to no space to deny her wish. Thus, by taking a sigh, you pushed past the quick beating of your heart and gestured her to go first with a kind smile on your face.
"Okay oof, thanks!" Petra huffed "look. Levi and I broke up. Now I know that you'll say it doesn't concern you, and frankly it'd be ideal if it didn't, but I know it does, because Levi explained to me what happened."
At that Petra slightly paused.
Naturallye first thing that came to your mind was the need to express an apology. Although, you weren't that sure if Petra would perceive the apology as sincere, you felt like you ought to give one to her. Yet her eyes blinked into yours further as she took another turn down the path you were walking on and you wordlessly followed asuit.
"I love Levi you know," she sighed "but Levi loves you. You're not over each other and it's painfully obvious, I mean you did just collided to eachother quite literally, not giving a single care about whether you couldn't have each other or not."
A sheer red colored tint painted your cheeks at her words.
Your skin pricked you, burning up a stingingly painful path to all of the pores on your face as shame took the form of an earth shattering wave. Your heart started heaping beats, hollering into the depths of your chest and you could hear it bounce inside your eardrums as if your whole body was hollow save for the jolting organ and the echo of the sound it made was bouncing around each fleshy wall.
Petra was right and you couldn't help but accept but stand the as she was lightning you with her words.
"It hurts to see that someone that I love doesn't love me back but it hurts more to see that you two are very miserable without eachother. I really thought you were a bitch you know."
At the sound of that, you let out a startled laugh.
"Me?"
"Yeah, you just gave us looks when we'd shoe up together somewhere or you'd simply leave, but I don't like turning my back on people and judging them like that. I'm in no place to judge anyone a coping mechanism."
Petra sighed. Her fingers curled strongly onto her cup, while her left palm went to support the cup by the bottom as she angled it on her lips. She made a tiny gulping noise as she drank a sip from her latte, her nose crinkling up as the hot beverage brushed over her sensitive tongue. In turn, you sipped similarly, mimicking Petra just hoping it would serve as a sign for her to go on with her speech.
"I might be hurt, but I vouch to help you and Levi resolve what's going on and get back together."
"You do?"
"Mhm"
"Petra I, I don't know what to say you- you're a literal angel." You admit and the guilt in your stomach only growled in its awakening.
You and Levi had hurt a wonderful person. Petra didn't need to be nice to you, she didn't need to offer to help you with anything but once you made yourself step inside her shoes you were able to see why she had perceived you the way that she initially had.
"I'm sorry."
Your voice was silent and stripped of any emotion other than shame yet Petra was beaming at you in response.
Her warm smile was elegant and comforting as she stared at you, taking another gulp of her drink with a soft giggle. Your eyes were locked with hers, saddened (e/c) irises staring into her hazel ones, as she smiled even more little by little.
It was strange.
There was a different kind of bubbling inside your chest and you knew because your heart wasn't hammering anymore, not was your stomach trying to be ripped apart in tiny pieces after it vored into your other intestines. You felt serene, at peace even.
It clicked to you that this is what must feel to be forgiven.
"It's fine, plus you guys kinda deserve each other." Petra laughed at your chocked inhale, pressing a comforting, gloved palm to your shoulder. "I'd rather find my happiness when I'm not in between two people that struggle to find theirs."
Petra nuzzled to the comfort of her jacket, giving you a scrunched up bunny smile. You knew it's not that she hoped you could be best friends after this. She simply wanted to make sure that she could do her best to help two people find happiness. And it wasn't all that bad, you figured. You didn't know what you would do were you in her place.
In a way, you admired Petra for being so strong.
"Besides, girls shouldn't bring down other girls."
"Yeah, and I'm sorry about what I did behind your back. I own up to my mistake. I can't take it back but I can promise that I won't become this toxic ever again."
You shot an apologetic side smile at her as you followed her tracks.
Taking a new look in your surroundings, you deeply inhaled the cold air, filling your lungs in shivering winter freshness. A few specs of snow were adorning Petra's hair as the fell from the sky in a dainty manner, licking the stray threads that popped from her wooly gloves.
There definitely was a commotion a few blocks away. You could hear sirens go off not so far from your spot but you chose to ignore them, it was typical for a city person to filter out unnecessary noise, and having to live in Trost added tons to what you had to filter or not.
"It's December twenty six and the two is back to being a Mayhem." Petra sighed.
"It's like we're Gotham or some shit."
"Gotham?" Petra blinked at you, earning a gasp from you.
"Step one to being the friend of someone who's majoring in comics-"
"Oh, friends yay!"
Shaking your head, to ignore the child like enthusiasm, you continued, "Please know the most well known fictional city, it's Batman's city too."
"OH!" Petra's mouth fell agape as she took in the information, but she quickly giggled again as she saw that you easily took a gulp of your beverage "you're right."
For what seemed like a second you felt at peace once again. Petra bubbled about how she wanted to apologise to Levi about her rather cold behavior last night, and explained in the most non detailed way how it was the memory of the passing of her mother that had caused her to become this grumpy.
"Don't worry Petra! But beware, you could be turning into Levi version two point oh and-"
A loud sound startled you, sending both you and Petra back a few steps. Dumbfounded, you stared at each other and around you, locking eyes with different by passers that were just as shocked as you.
"Maybe we should go back!" Petra suggested. You simply nodded, hearing a good amount of running footsteps coming to the direction of the block you were in. In any way, getting caught up with a manhunt wasn't in your plans for today
"Yeah maybe we shou-"
Your words were cut off absurdly, harshly and shockingly all together. As gunmetal orbs locked with yours, your eyelids shot open, hour mouth dropping to the snow covered concrete.
"Levi?"
Wait, Levi? That was actually so random
Before you could manage to process what was going on around you, or why on earth Levi had just popped up from the alley right across you another head splitting sound filled the air.
Levi -yes, this was indeed Levi, you just didn't really know how to process this- collapsed on his knees like a rag doll, his torso and head giving in to the exhaustion of his body. Once he fell, you stood frozen, shieldimg Petra with one hand as the two of you watched in horror while crimson started littering the sugary snow.
"Call an ambulance." You spoke dryly, eyes still wide with horror.
The people who had seemed to be after Levi quickly fell onto the hands of the hands of a handful of police men who were on their tracks, but you couldn't care to look at their faces. You just run towards Levi, always followed by a petrified Petra, your feet giving in as you kneeled right next to him, your fingers gingery ghosting over him just to inspect what was his condition.
You listened as Petra spoke with the emergency center in horror, explaining what was the scene before her eyes while struggling to keep herself from trembling.
"What's going on?" Shy muttered once she detached the phone off her ear.
"I'm pretty sure now is not the right time for a story, but Levi used to be in a street gang in his teens."
"Oh boy."
Oh boy indeed.
Here's your gentle reminder that constructive criticism makes me cry because I'm a baby
Taglist: @sasageyowrites @liddolwhynot2000 @ackermans-freedom-inc @callmepromise @nobody-knows-anymore @levisbrat25 @thethyri @hawkssnugget @berrijam @melancholicmonologue
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maybedefinitely404 · 4 years
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Day 16: Prinxiety
@tsshipmonth2020
Heeey, look at that, I’m behind! Day 16: When your soulmate listens to music, you hear it in your own head as well. 
Content warnings: assumed death of a soulmate (he’s not dead), depression, general sad vibes.
Word count: 2.6k
Note: the songs referenced in this fic are IDK You Yet by Alexander 23 and Love is Gone by SLANDER. Both of these songs make me cry and were the inspiration for this.
It was at midnight on December 19th when Roman’s soulmark first appeared. He didn’t realize this until 1am.
Granted, he didn’t know it was his soulmark for the first hour.
At first, the almost imperceptible steady beat in his head just seemed like a song that had gotten stuck in there. He didn’t remember ever hearing the song, but it wasn’t unlikely that he’d heard the tune at the store or on the radio and it unconsciously ingrained itself into his memory. He was working on an assignment that was due in the morning, a script analysis for one of his Theatre courses, and had begun to bop his head along to the music when his roommate walked in, eyes bleary and arms laden with books.
“Why aren’t you in bed?” He asked through a yawn, dropping the books on his desk and flopping into the bottom bunk. 
“I could ask you the same question, Pat,” Roman hummed, completing his conclusion paragraph with a dramatic flair of his hands. “Just finished my paper. Going now.”
“Lost track of time at the library,” Patton murmured in response, draping his arms over his eyes. 
Closing his computer, Roman popped his back and climbed up the small ladder into the top bunk, using his cellphone as a flashlight. He assumed Patton was already fast asleep (the man could fall asleep at the drop of a hat) and tried to follow suit, only to sit up in annoyance after several minutes.
Whatever song was stuck in his head was keeping him up. 
He remembered a tip he’d seen on the internet once, that said if you sing the last part of the song, it’s easier to get out of your head. Something about ‘your brain needing to complete it to be satisfied’ or whatever. As hard as he focused, though, he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what song it was, much less the ending. 
The more he concentrated on it, the louder it seemed to get, until it was no longer a hum of bass in the back of his skull, and he could make out the lyrics, the guitar solos, everything. He definitely hadn’t heard this song before. It wasn’t the kind you’d hear playing in public; it was loud, swears thrown in every chorus, just generally the kind of thing you’d hear in a Hot Topic but nowhere else. 
And then it stopped.
For a split second he was pleased, thanking his brain for finally shutting off, and conceded to lie back down. He might be able to get six hours of sleep at this rate. Pretty good, for a college student. 
Except as soon as he closed his eyes, another song started. It was another one he didn’t know, one he would have no way of knowing each word to. The realization hit him hard and his eyes shot open, nearly falling off the ladder in his haste to climb down.
“Roman? Everything okay?” Patton drawled, clearly having been woken up by Roman’s enthusiasm. 
“My soulbond!”
“What?!” That got his attention and he jerked up, narrowly missing whacking his head on the top bunk.
“The music in my head all night, it’s my soulmate! It must be his birthday!”
He was pulling up music on his laptop before he’d even processed it, hands freezing over the keyboard as his brain grasped for something to play. What could he play that would properly introduce himself to his soulmate? A show tune? Something from the 80s? But his mind had gone completely blank, and he couldn’t think of a single one.
“What do I play, Pat?” He gasped, tapping the mousepad in time with the upbeat tempo in his head. 
Patton was suddenly leaning over his shoulder, clacking a name into the search bar before pressing enter. Roman narrowed his eyes 
“Why that one?”
Patton shrugged, “It’s kind of cheesy romantic, like you. And the first line is fitting.”
“A valid point,” Roman announced, closing his eyes to listen for a pause as the music switched. The second the song ended, he slammed the space bar, begging it to play before the next one started. 
How can you miss someone you’ve never met?
Because I need you now but I don’t know you yet,
But can you find me soon, because I’m in my head,
Yeah, I need you now but I don't know you yet.
A little more depressing than he initially would have chosen, but he could see Patton’s point. The music on the other end had been paused and he smiled in accomplishment, knowing that he must have heard. He let the song play to the end of the first chorus before pausing it, waiting with his roommate with baited breath.
The silence was almost unbearably long, Patton watching him intently for some kind of indication that the music was back.
Hello,
It’s me.
Adele’s soothing melody filled his mind and he absolutely wheezed with laughter. Patton grinned and let him explain through gasps for air, and he let out a giggle in response.
“Okay,” Roman snorted, “What next?”
Patton passed out probably an hour later after helping Roman pick out songs that would adequately encompass him as a person, but the theatre student didn’t sleep last night. Eventually him and his soulmate found a nice rhythm, each playing a song in turn. It didn’t take long for him to assume that his soulmate was emo (a fact that had him blushing furiously), simply due to the overwhelming amount of My Chemical Romance and Green Day played in his head, and he figured it was probably pretty obvious that he was a theatre kid. The second song he played was from Heathers, afterall. 
When his eyes finally started drooping too much to ignore, he knew he had to end this soon. The soulmate’s song ended and he quickly pulled up the first thing he’d thought of, a children’s lullaby, trying to indicate that he had to sleep.
There was quiet on the other end when the song ended, before the beginning trills of Baby Shark started playing and he groaned, quickly muffling the sound with his hand so as to not wake his roommate. He didn’t let it play past one verse, thank Olympus, and then his mind was quiet for the first time in many hours. It seemed like a mutual agreement that ‘now is sleep time’, and Roman went to sleep with a smile on his face.
Their new norm was quickly established in the following weeks. It became obvious almost right away that playing their music at the same time was cacophonous and only caused headaches, so they eventually settled on switching days. Every second morning, Roman would wake up to his alarm and quickly start his morning playlist, a set of rousing, uplifting, exciting songs to get his blood flowing for the day. It was his day to choose the music, so he’d set his walking playlist for class and his study one for the evenings, sometimes playing an adventure podcast or something to spice things up. The other days, he’d be woken by the soft notes of melancholy tunes, starting the day slowly. As the morning progressed, usually by the time he was eating breakfast, the tone would change to something a little more fast paced, as if his soulmate needed to warm up before getting to the main act. As much as the music wasn’t his style, he found himself keeping pace to the beat with his steps, bopping his head along to the melody, humming a harmony to the more commonly played ones. Just knowing that this was his soulmate made it better. 
And then, one day… the music stopped. 
He’d woken up around noon, not a big deal since he didn’t have classes until after lunch anyways, but he knew for a fact that his soulmate was always up by 10, latest. Whether the other had classes or a job that kept his schedule, he didn’t know. It was an oddity for sure that there was no alarm. 
He put it off to the other probably having a sick day, or a free schedule, and he was sleeping in for once. The worry only started creeping in near the evening, when usually at this time, the music would start slowing down again as the sun set. There hadn’t been a peep all day, which was very unlike either of them. Even though the silence bothered him, he wouldn’t dare intrude on the other’s day, so he studied and ate dinner in silence, tapping his pencil against the table. Of course, he put it off to a one day fluke. 
Except, two days after, when it should have been his soulmate’s turn again, there was no music. And the time after that. And the one after that. It was almost two weeks of radio silence on the other end before he called Patton through broken sobs, pleading for him to stop studying and come back to the dorm. Obviously, he made the ten minute walk in five. 
And then Roman admitted the way his anxieties had been spiralling.
“What if- What if our soulbond broke? Did the universe realize we were a mistake? Or… or what if he died?! What if he’s hurt or dying or alone and I’m just-”
Patton shushed him gently, rubbing his back as Roman hiccuped into his shoulder. “When did this start?”
“Two- two weeks ago.”
“Then isn’t it possible that he just isn’t listening to music for a little while? Maybe he’s… somewhere without wifi. Or his phone broke.”
Even though he very much didn’t believe a word Patton was saying, he nodded along messily, clutching Patton’s shirt tighter. He eventually agreed to give him more time, hold on just a little longer, before completely giving up.
It took about a month before he did, and it didn’t get better from there. 
Their consistency had been their norm for almost nine months, over summer break and now into the new school year, and now it was torn away without warning. Roman refused to listen to music on days that weren’t his, even though Patton tried to tell him it was okay, but he wouldn’t. It didn’t feel right. He mourned his soulmate the same way he would mourn a close friend’s death, for he truly believed he was gone for good. The person he’d barely gotten to understand, much less meet, and he was just… gone. He was going to live the rest of his life without a soulmate.
Most nights he just did the bare basics of the homework he had to do, without any of the old flair he’d put into all his work, and curled onto his bed to watch a show or, on his days, listen to music. His old playlists had shifted to the bottom of his rotation, now only bringing sadder memories that Patton had insisted he not indulge in at this point, so it was usually just automated lists he found. Nothing was special about them anymore. 
Today was his day, an uneventful Saturday where the most exciting occurrence was Patton convincing him to come to the cafeteria and eat with other people. It had been tiring and only made him feel more alone, so his daily scheduled moping times had come up a little earlier. Patton had given him a hug and a gentle kiss on the head, telling him he had to go meet some people for a group project, and to call if he needed anything, before grabbing his bag and leaving. Roman didn’t miss the sad look tossed his way before the door shut.
Despite Patton’s advice, he was feeling particularly shitty today, and his fingers, seemingly with a mind of their own, pulled up one of his older playlists. One of the ones that was reminiscent of days when he actually had a soulmate. He clicked shuffle and tossed the phone onto the pillow next to his head, curling that much deeper into his blankets, as if he could somehow refill the void that had been cut out of him. 
How can you miss someone you’ve never met?
Because I need you now but I don’t know you yet,
But can you find me soon, because I’m in my head,
Yeah, I need you now but I don't know you yet.
The first song he’d ever played had become a sort of inside joke between them. Despite the song’s sad melody and somber lyrics, it was a reminder of the first time they’d interacted; an awkward, laughter filled night. At least, it had been on Roman’s night, and he could only hope it had been the same on the other end. 
He didn’t even realize he was crying until the pillow beneath him was tear stained and gross to lay on. Why had the universe chosen him as the target for its cruel irony? Not that he wished this on anyone else… but why couldn’t soulmates be foolproof? Why was there that margin for error, the always-there possibility that everything you’ve ever dreamed of will be ripped out of your hands just as soon as you think you have it? So close, but so far. At least before they’d connected, he’d lived in blissful hope and ignorance. 
The song ended and he pressed pause lethargically, not able to find the emotional strength to listen to more. Maybe Patton had been right. A glance out the window showed that it was well past nightfall, the full moon gleaming into his window, and he decided to just sleep the emptiness away. It hadn’t worked so far, but maybe tonight was the night. He turned off his phone screen and plugged it in to charge, rolling away to face the wall, and waited for the soothing peace of sleep to take over him.
At first, he thought it was just a hallucination, wishful thinking. More than once in the three months since his soulmate disappeared, he’d thought he’d heard music, only for the feeling to disappear as soon as he focused on it. A soulbond only became louder when concentrated on, so he eventually realized he was doing it to himself subconsciously, his mind struggling to fill the emptiness that had once been filled by the other’s music. 
When it disappeared, he figured it was music from someone else’s dorm filtering through the thin walls. But no, this was too clear, too distinct, too ingrained, to be coming from an external source.
He calmed his racing heart before he could jump to conclusions. This music isn’t like what his used to be. It must be your brain, because he’s gone. He’s GONE, Roman.
Much as he tried to push it down, he couldn’t. It was becoming evident that no, something was happening, and it had to do with his soulmate. As he had done for the time he’d known (could it be considered ‘knowing’) the other, he concentrated on the lyrics, because those were the only feeble ways they’d interacted in those times. 
I’m sorry,
Don’t leave me,
I want you here with me, 
I know that your love is gone.
I can’t breathe,
I’m so weak, 
I know this isn’t easy,
Don’t tell me that your love is gone,
That your love is gone.
Patton walked in after his group meeting to see Roman sobbing in his bed and, immediately assuming the worst, he jumped onto the bed and pulled him into his arms. Through gasps for breath, Roman was able to choke out that, “He’s back. He’s playing music. He’s back. He’s back.”
Part 2 HERE
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What If...? III // Alive!Luke Patterson
Summary: The aftermath of both the car accident and the proposal is something Luke struggles with dividing you two for the first time. With an ultimatum in place Luke finds himself standing in front of his childhood home but can he open the door he had locked and shut?
Warning: Swearing, talk of injuries, self-guilt, angst, Unsaid Emily (I’m a terrible person), and fluff (I SWEAR THERE IS FLUFF IN THIS)
Words: 4.0k
Requested: By @beautifulblogsblog . There will be two more parts at least.
A/N: Grammarly estimates that this will take a little over 15 minutes to read. I also almost made you not get an answer to a make or break question somewhere in here but I wanted to make up for the cliffhanger in part one.
*Bobby’s last name in this is Willis, it will come clear why soon.
TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX/ASK PLEASE!
Masterlist (other parts for What If can be found in the masterlist)
(This goddamn shirt is also a warning holy christ)
Hollywood 1996
Life after the car accident was strange, to say the least. You lived with the guilt that your father couldn’t pick up a guitar. He had severely broken his arm in the crash in the instinctive moment to protect you. Your mother hovered, and Luke was there, but something changed since his hospital proposal.
There was a weird tension between you and him that concerned Alex because Luke wouldn’t talk about it. He would change the subject whenever Alex inquired about that empty ring box he found. Luke hadn’t told the guys he planned to propose and being rejected wasn’t something he wanted to share. However, one night he finally did.
“You could propose at the Eiffel Tower!” Reggie suggested having seen a commercial with the tower in the background. His excitement was visible to the band members in the living room.
 “Too cheesy.” Luke grumbled, rolling his eyes slouching down on the couch, “I’m not proposing.”
“I understand it’s a big step b-“
“I’m not proposing because I already did.” Luke snapped running hand through his messy hair with a glower. Alex was quiet, taking in the news and watching Luke’s body language.
“Oh congrat-“
“Read the damn room.” Luke snapped, slamming his pen on the coffee table as he stalked up the stairs to his bedroom. The resounding slam of his door marking his anger more prominent. Alex flinched at the sound.
“Was it something-“
“Seriously man?” Alex groaned, shaking his head at the bassist standing up from the armchair leaving the bassist the lone sitter, “You are so lucky you can play bass.”
Alex left Reggie downstairs to enter Luke’s room where he was throwing darts at the board harshly. Luke didn’t need to turn around to know Alex was in his personal place with one goal in mind, to cheer his bandmate up.
“What happened?” Alex asked, sitting in the second-hand office chair with a hole in the seat. His blue eyes watching the jerky movements from the obviously frustrated guitarist.
“She said no.” Luke whispered, rubbing a hand over his weary hazel eyes, more of a blue with the sadness he felt, “I proposed, and she said no.”
“I’m sorry. Did Y/N say why?” Alex hesitated to ask the question fearing Luke would fully snap as he had down a few times in the past. The one time was when he found Alex crying as an asshole overheard Alex admit to his crush on Jonathan Taylor Thomas after seeing him on Home Improvement. Courtesy of Luke, that asshole never breathed a word about it.
“An ultimatum. She won’t say yes until I fix things with my parents.” Luke sighed collapsing onto his bed, staring at the blue ceiling. Going back home after hurting his mom was something hard to do.
The night he left had been filled with a lot of words he regretted saying, he can’t even remember the last time he told his mom he loved her. The last time dinner hadn’t been tense and filled with anger. There was a pang of deep guilt for running out on his family, his mother and seeing the missing person posters further hammered the guilt in.
“She has a point.” Alex admitted, “We made it. We proved to our parents that this band was worth it. Take it from me. I would give anything for my parents to be the way they were before I told them I’m gay.”
Luke was quiet.
“You have a chance to fix things and Luke, that’s something you’ll regret. Remember the night of The Orpheum? We were gonna get street dogs? If we had, we would have died man.”
“I guess we got lucky?” Luke half-smiled remembering when they had been walking near the Orpheum a few days after performing.
The guy that sold the street dogs was arrested, and an ambulance was taking a couple to the hospital. The couple died, and it made the guys think how close they could have come to dying all the times they ate out of the Oldsmobile.
“We did. She loves you, Luke, but if you love her. You’ll reach out to your parents. I know they would love it.” Alex spoke, squeezing his best friends’ shoulder before he let himself out of the bedroom.
Alex joined Reggie in the living room watching a VHS they had rented from Blockbuster this morning. A smile appearing on Alex’s face as the muted familiar sound of a guitar came from upstairs. The sad melody Luke had taught his band playing.
“So, what year do you think we should release a country album? I can play the banjo.” Reggie asked, looking over at Alex with a thoughtful expression, “I’ve been writing this wicked song. I’m thinking of calling it ‘Home is Where My Horse Is’? How long would it take you to learn how to fiddle?”
“Reggie. I love you man, but I am not gonna be barefoot in overalls fiddling.” Alex spoke, shaking his head at his bandmate who pouted softly.
Alex and Reggie fell asleep on the couch that night while Luke worked tirelessly through the night on Unsaid Emily. It was by far the most personal song he had ever written, but it was the only way he could release the feelings he had. By the time morning came, his eyes had turned bloodshot and swollen.
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Luke’s hands trembled at the sight of the childhood home he hadn’t been inside in months, not since that cold December night he left. The car was parked in the very same spot with the front bumper still dinged from when Luke was practising for his license.
Luke had developed a streak to avoid the bitter taste of disappointment from his parents. He would sneak out to gigs or little known locations with Alex; either for the band and his secret relationship. Luke never breathed a word of the relationship for the safety of Alex and avoid anything that would spike his boyfriend’s anxiety. The guilt died down when he and Alex mutually decided to be friends instead, but the band topic was different. At fourteen it was becoming apparent to Luke’s parents that this band wasn’t a hobby to him anymore, the first time his parents regretted buying the guitar.
“C’mon!” Bobby hissed from the safety of the curb. Luke was behind the wheel of his family’s station wagon in the dead of night. Reggie stationed in front of the car and Alex behind it, “This is stupid guys!”
Luke shakily took a breath in putting the car in drive to align with Reggie before he placed the vehicle in reverse. Learning to parallel park seemed to be going well as Luke did okay pulling into the parking spot. He got ahead of himself; however, when he moved to drive forward to center between Reggie and Alex. He may have hit the gas too hard.
“Ah!” Reggie screamed as the car bumped in him in the leg. The boy went down shuddering while his three friends hurried to his side.
“Are you okay?” Luke asked not minding the sting of the asphalt on his covered knees seeing as he just hit his best friend.
“I’m good.” Reggie raised one thumb in the air. Each boy leaned back in relief confirming the bassist was as good as Reginald could be.
 “Why the hell didn’t you move out of the way?” Luke demanded helping the boy up from the ground with a deep frown.
 “I was a traffic cone. Cones can’t move unless they get moved.” Reggie proudly announced with his typical oblivious attitude. Reggie wasn’t stupid, he was definitely the comedic relief in the band and prided himself on it.
“I-what. Okay..” Alex whispered to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Sometimes I don’t know Reg.”
Reggie shrugged it off while a familiar girl jogged down the road with a furrowed brow, a girl that had lived in Luke’s neighbourhood for a while. She was moving to a bigger house soon, but she was an acquaintance that had never acknowledged the group.
“Are you okay?” The girl, you, questioned the bassist scanning him over as Luke stared dreamily at her. His ever-changing eye colour turning a soft mossy green at the girl that had held his heart for years; only temporarily vacating it for Alex.
“Oh, totally. This doesn’t hurt as much as the amp.” Reggie supplied waving it off whereas you were more worried the guy hit his head. Your gaze scanned the boys of Riot Curve. A deep developing on the pale cheeks of the Patterson boy.
“Aren’t you guys in my grade?” You questioned pursing your lips together, “You’d be like thirteen. Why are you driving? Aren’t you a little short to see over the steering wheel?”
A bark of laughter fell from Bobby Willis’ mouth, earning him a glance from you, closing his mouth as Luke’s look of disgust.
“I’m not short!” Luke shouted, “I’ll have you know I grew!”
You snickered at his offended expression, “Dude, I’m joking. You’ll get a growth spurt soon. Besides, I think you have bigger issues than your vertical challenge.”
A question fell from Luke’s lips before he followed your view. The bumper of his parent’s car had a small dent that his father would most definitely discover at some point.
“Oh, I am dead meat.” Luke sprouted just before the guys started brainstorming explanations that didn’t include four fourteen-year-old boys out after curfew driving.
“Hey, I have a little experience with bands and whatnot. Just a suggestion, maybe consider changing your band name from Riot Curve to something else.” You suggested starting to jog back to your house, “See you in class!”
Luke once again stared dreamily after your form forgetting what he should be worried about.
“Our name is already-“
“Sunset Curve.” Luke shouted, earning weird looks from his bandmates at the rather uncharacteristic change of mind, “We are renaming the band.”
“Why?” Bobby scoffed, “We agreed on Riot Curve!”
“Uh, no. You two did. Reggie and I weren’t there.” Alex raised one his eyebrows facing Bobby, “I was sick with the flu, and Reggie was at his aunt’s second wedding.”
“Why the name?” Reggie asked his pining lead singer flicking his gaze between Luke and the empty place where you had been.
“Because that was the first time, she talked to me. A sunset behind her brightening the pretty curve of her smile.” Luke sighed scrambling when the front step light at his house turned on. Each boy running for the safety from the Patterson windows.
“I like the name! I didn’t like the violence in the other name!” Alex shouted, rushing towards his bicycle to head back home. 
That was also the last time Luke saw you until 1993 at that concert as you moved to the medium-sized mansion by then.
Luke grinned at the memory of how he actually spoke to the girl of his dreams before everything went full to shit. Reggie’s parents started fighting, Bobby grew more into girls than music, Alex told his parents he was gay. Luke finally sat down with his parents telling him that he wouldn’t go to college and didn’t want to finish high school. He did finish high school to appease his parents even after running away.
“Luke?” The breathless question brought the guitarist back to the present time and to the blue eyes of his father. The shock on the man’s face preceding the tears building up, “Son.”
“Hon?” Luke’s knees collapsed as he heard the soft voice that had read him stories and sung lullabies when he was a child. Emily gasped as she saw the one person she had wished to find for so long, “Luke.”
“Mom.” Luke choked, raising his hands to press them to his face, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t-“
“Sh. Baby.” Emily wasted no time in scooping her son into her arms, so thankful nothing terrible had happened to him. She didn’t care where or what he had been doing as long as he in her arms again.
A hand clapped his shoulder to squeeze, announcing his father silently thanking whatever God there was for bringing his son home. That they didn’t have to worry blue and red lights would precede news no parent wanted to hear.
“Can I come in?” Luke asked tentatively. A soft hand brushing his hair away from his eyes for his parents to finally see the unique eye colour their son had inherited.
Emily ushered her son into the kitchen that hadn’t changed in the time Luke had been gone, the only difference being the Christmas decorations put away. They would reappear the last week of November; Emily wouldn’t have to struggle to put the ornaments on the tree without her son.
“I don’t know how to say what I want. Could I…could I sing please?” Luke murmured to his parents. It was a question he wasn’t sure he wanted to be answered. He hadn’t brought his guitar just in case it was the wrong move. His parents regretted buying him that guitar.
“Of course.” Mitch spoke, climbing to his height, “Just one moment.”
Luke watched his father leave the kitchen only to shortly return, holding a beautiful acoustic guitar. He had never seen it in his life either. He was confused when Mitch set the guitar into Luke’s lap.
“You’re like your mom. When she worries the only thing that can help calm her is knitting. I figured the guitar is your way of knitting.” Mitch calmly told his son choosing to not bright attention to tears in either of the Patterson men’s eyes.
Luke settled on the couch in the living room while Mitch and Emily took to their respective long known spots. Ones that faced the windows perfect for knitting and reading with natural light. Emily reached over to hold her husband’s hand while Luke started strumming.
First things first
We start the scene in reverse.
 All of the lines rehearsed.
 Disappeared from my mind
When things got loud
 One of us running out
 I should have turned around.
 But I had too much pride.
No time for goodbyes
 Didn’t get to apologize
 Pieces of a clock that lies broken
Not a dry eye in the Patterson home as Luke gave the best performance of his life. Performance didn’t build a bridge between him and his parents, why make a new bridge when the first one only needs repairs.
“Please record that.” Emily choked wiping her face of tears, “I want that on your first album, I loved it. I’m going to buy the first CD it’s on.”
Luke Patterson smiled a piece instead of healing at her words and the acceptance he had craved. Now he just had to propose again.
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The cosy soft knit blanket Emily gave you at Christmas the first time you met Luke’s parents when it became clear that the relationship was serious. It was one that you cuddled into for a sense of comfort, eyes focused on the demo the song was waiting. Fingers itching to put in the CD player and listen to the finished product.
“Hey. Sweetheart you gotta stop blaming yourself.” Lance spoke coming to sit beside you on the piano bench. The bench you had learnt how to play directly across from the couch that you spent hours with him on learning the guitar.
“How can I? I asked for a ride, and you might never play again.” You scoffed, bringing your knees to your chest. Lance’s heart broke, hearing the guilt leaking from your words and the slump on your shoulders.
“I picked you up because I love you. You’re my daughter, my baby and I’m gonna tell you something that hope knocks some sense in that head.” Your Dad sternly spoke, taking your hand to place on his cast, “This? This doesn’t matter. If I hadn’t done this, you would be dead, and I wouldn’t be able to hold a guitar because you wouldn’t get to hear me play. I’d rather not be able to play and have my daughter alive.”
Tears rolled down your cheeks as your hero wiped your tears tugging you in his arms, “Besides I’m a Y/L/N, we don’t let other people tell us how to live.”
Lance leaned over to insert the CD into the machine before pressing play bringing a soft melody in the room. You snuggled into his side as his rich voice broke through into the most beautiful song you had ever heard. Unbeknownst to you, Luke stood in the doorway with his bandmates listening to the gorgeous record.
“I love it.” You whispered glancing over your shoulder, feeling the gaze of someone, and while you expected your mother, the sight was welcome. Not a dry eye in the room as the last chord rang with the joyful voice of a little girl; your voice from a family video.
“That’s beautiful.” Luke breathed grinning when you swiftly made your way into his open arms, “I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you like I should have been. I was hurt, and I didn’t want you to see that.”
“Was that the song that was playing- OW!” Reggie exclaimed rubbing the back of his head that Bobby had thumped. The bassist grimacing at the pain clueing that it wasn’t the greatest question he had said.
“Bittersweet was the song playing. This is the finished product.” Lance confirmed standing to his full height, “How about I let you see some unreleased songs?”
Lance ushered everyone but you and Luke from the room for privacy only winking before closing the door. Luke breathed out, leading you back to the couch with his hands squeezing your own.
“You were right,” Luke announced brushing the pad of his thumb under your eye to swipe an eyelash. His hazel eyes showing more of the green with the adoration gleaming from them, “It hurt being rejected but you were right about it. I hurt my parents by running out one them, especially my mom. I don’t want to hurt her more by excluding her from the biggest moment of my life.”
Your own hand raised to cup his cheek heart bursting when Luke turned his head to press a chaste kiss to the palm.
“You couldn’t guess how much it ached telling you no. I wanted to so badly, but your mom was always so good to me. I didn’t want her to miss out on anything.”
“She won’t miss out.” Luke replied, tugging you to your feet, “I went home, and we talked it through.”
Your feet cemented to the floor, “You went to see them?”
“I did. I was no sure Mom and Dad hated me for running away, for choosing music over them.”
“You didn’t choose music over them, Lu. You made a decision that they didn’t like, but you did what you were raised to do. They taught you to stand up for yourself, never second guess or quit.” You passionately told him, “They love you with their whole heart, they just didn’t understand how important music is to you at the time.”
“God, I love you so much. I would do anything for you.” Luke tugged you into his arms, bringing your attention to his different outfit choice.
He was wearing his best black jeans with no holes but still the chains, but his wallet wasn’t on display. His lucky blue rabbit’s foot was clipped to his necklace laying over the long sleeve purple corduroy shirt. The shirt he wore a lot when he wanted to be wanted to a little more dressed up.
“You’re wearing that shirt.” You stated glancing up to the boy, “And your lucky rabbit’s foot is not on your chains.”
Luke smirked, leading you through the house to the backyard where Luke had asked Nancy to be. Your mother sat at the piano with your father beside her, Nancy and Lance Y/L/N hadn’t sat at a piano together since you were tiny. Tears built up as Luke gently brought you into his arms entirely in time with the notes that Nancy began.
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
 “Are you trying to make me cry?” You choked as he used the dance lessons he took with his mom twirling you around. As if you couldn’t cry more your gaze found Reggie strumming the acoustic guitar. Alex waiting at his drums with a grin at Luke and you.
I have died every day, waiting for you.
Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years.
I’ll love you for a thousand more.
Everything faded as you two gazed into each other’s eyes, in his you swore you saw every moment with Luke play. The sweaty palms shy to hold each other to the first kiss, the second kiss, sharing the most vulnerable time at sixteen, his serenading at seventeen after signing with a label and everything between those precious moments.
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything, take away.
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath, every hour has come to this.
Bobby made his presence known harmonizing with you mom so low you barely heard, but it was Luke singing that enthralled you. Everything about this moment you would remember for the rest of your life.
The music faded as Luke took a step back to kneel down in front of you with the ring he had yearned to give you. The ring his mother had held on to for the girl Luke would fall in love with. She had given it a few days previous so thoroughly happy she got the opportunity to pass it down.
“Luke.” You breathed cupping your hands, one still in a brace, over your shocked face. His expression softened into the most loving one you had ever receiving in the years you had been together.
“My life has been leading me to this very moment. I believe that I was guided into music because of this absolutely perfect moment. Surrounded by the people who cheered us on and gave wisdom. The people that gave us a look at what true love is supposed to be.” Luke began keeping his entire focus on the love his life, “I knew about you before you knew me. I was ten when I saw you during recess sitting up against the tree with your walkman. I fell for you at that moment, but it wasn’t until I hit Reggie with the car that I got to talk to you.”
You giggled as you remembered running to a group of guys after seeing one get hit. If only you knew who they were at that time.
“Our first real conversation was at a concert, and I fell in love at that moment, and I am so thankful you gave me a chance. There isn’t anyone else, sorry, Alex!” Luke teased over his shoulder, earning a chuckle in response, “There isn’t anyone I want to spend my life with. You are my muse, the person I share every lyric with, my love and my soulmate.”
“Luke.” You choked reaching up to cup his cheeks so close not a single sheet of paper would move between you.
“Will you marry me? In front of our parents and our friends?” Luke shakily questioned begging for his rabbit’s foot to work with it being close to his heart.
“Yes.” You answered, reaching up to pull his face down to yours. The most passionate kiss of your life he wrapped his arms around you waist lifting you in his arms; he twirled around with you.
This was his most significant moment ever. The Orpheum could never live up to this.
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❄️Week 1: December 9-15❄️
stars in the city ch. 10 by @parkrstark (Pt. 3 of constant as the stars above)
Summary: Peter and Steve are finally settling into their new life with Tony. Recovery isn't always a straight line, especially with a four-year-old, but they're trying their best. Their newfound fame has Steve juggling between his private life and the one plastered on the front page of every tabloid. He shouldn't have been surprised that the public didn't believe in his rags to riches love story. Tony usually makes it easier for him to handle it all. Until he starts to distance himself from Steve, as if now he's the one hiding something. And Steve is left wondering if he's about to lose Tony for good this time.
Relationships/Tropes: Stony, Irondad, Papa Steve, Homeless Peter Parker, Homeless Steve Rogers, No Powers AU, (Coffee Shop AU??? Sorta)
Review: This fic just always makes my heart ache in the best way. So much fluff, so much angst, it's a perfect balance that I'm just absolutely in love with!
❄️
Devils Roll The Dice ch. 9 by @ephemeralstark
Summary: “I miss you Mr. Stark,” Peter admitted as he stared up through the leaves overhead at the stars that twinkled promisingly at him, “I wish you were back here. I would give anything to fix things, I would give anything for you to be alive today.” What Peter didn't know, as he made that wish and closed his eyes, letting the tears fall shamefully, was that the Universe was always listening, and it was dangerous to make a wish and offer up anything. - Tony Stark wakes up in his bed one morning, not realising that months have passed since his death - that's going to be awkward to explain to the world. Peter Parker has been living on the streets, trying to hide his identity as the entire world wants Spider-Man dead, and dealing with the trauma that Beck left him. To make things worse - it's now his fault that yet another bad guy thinks they're entitled to owning Earth.
Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Spideychelle, Pepperony, Happy Hogan/May Parker, Homeless Peter Parker, Post-FFH, Post-Identity Reveal, Tony Stark Comes Back To Life
Review: Oh man this fic is so sad and so sweet, I love it so much! I love how it combines Peter's trauma after Mysterio with his reaction to finding out that Tony is alive again, it's just so creative!
❄️
His Heart Bloomed Sunflowers (and he wore them on his skin) by @littlemissagrafina (Pt. 24 of Comfortember 2020)
Summary: Peter honestly didn't know how no one had discovered his tattoos yet. He wasn't broadcasting them but he wasn't exactly being the most subtle either. Although he was partly grateful for it since he was dreading what would happen when May on Tony saw them. But he was pleasantly surprised at the reactions that he got when he was found out. Peter had expected anger, disappointment, maybe annoyance at the very least. What he got was far from that. (A sequel to Comfortember Day 4. Anxiety) Comfortember Day 29. Make/Build/Create Something Beautiful
Relationships/Tropes: Minor Spideychelle, Tattoos, Comfortember
Review: I love this fic so much! I loved the description of how the flowers wilted when the ones he'd drawn had faded, and how the ones he got tattooed never wilted again :']
❄️
I’ll drive all night (to keep them warm) by @littlemissagrafina (Pt. 23 of Comfortember 2020) 
Summary: For the next hour they tried to calm Morgan again but, just like the rest of the day with Tony and Pepper, nothing was working. No teething rings, gel, nothing. The little girl was just well and truly grumpy, tired, and sore.
Suddenly an idea came to Peter and he turned to Tony and Pepper. 
"Can I try something?"
They both nodded at him, prompting him to continue with his idea.
"Can I take her for a drive?" He asked. "I'm not sure if it'll work but Ben used to do it for me when I was younger and it always calmed me down."
Comfortember day 28. Car Ride
Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Peter & Morgan, Pepperony, Baby Morgan, Car Rides, Comfortember
Review: This one was so cute! I love Peter being a good big brother to baby Morgan, and I relate to finding trips in the car relaxing and nice :D
❄️
It’s What Brothers Do by @littlemissagrafina (Pt. 22 of Comfortember 2020)
Summary: Morgan was somehow full of even more energy than usual that day and wanted to see if she could do the monkey bars that were attached to the jungle gym herself. Before Peter could stop her, she had already grabbed hold of the first one and let herself swing towards the next one.
But the little girl had misjudged just how heavy swinging your own body weight was and almost immediately started falling. Peter shot forward from his place on the ground, jumping and diving, just managing to catch her before they both hit the grass of the park grounds. Comfortember Day 27. Park
Relationships/Tropes: Minor Pepperony, Peter & Morgan, Irondad, Peter Protects Morgan, Comfortember
Review: Another cute Big Brother Peter fic! I love that Peter was really protecting Morgan in this one, he loves her enough to put himself in harm's way to protect her
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The Burger Debate by @littlemissagrafina (Pt. 21 of Comfortember 2020) 
Summary: Tony and Peter shared a lot of similarities, there was no doubt about it. A lot of their mannerisms were the same, personality quirks (especially in the lab), occasional recklessness, selfless hero personas, etc etc. However, one thing they didn't share was their taste in burgers. Whenever the topic came up there was a friendly, yet heated, 'disagreement' as Tony called it. No matter what anyone ever told him, Tony thought that a cheeseburger was the holy grail of burgers. And Peter, well… he happened to think the same only for chicken burgers.
Comfortember Day 26. Junk Food
Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Peter & Morgan, Pepperony, Infinity War Compliant, Not Endgame Compliant
Review: This was so sweet and so sad, especially the part where Tony couldn't eat burgers while Peter was snapped because it hurt him too much. It showed his grief really well
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Career Day Drabble by @jen27ny 
Summary: uncle happy and uncle rhodey come to peter’s career day
Relationships/Tropes: Happy & Peter, Rhodey & Peter, Happy & Rhodey, Minor Irondad, Career Day
Review:  I loved this story so much! I really appreciate seeing some nice Uncle Rhodey and Uncle Happy content!!
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Gifts by @wayward-fairchild (Pt. 5 of Holiday Collection 2020) 
Summary: Rhodey and Tony have been together to the point Rhodey sees the kids as his own. Maybe that is why the kids agree to help with Rhodey's biggest gift to Tony yet.
Relationships/Tropes: Rhodey & Tony, Irondad, Rhodey & Peter, Christmas, Kid Peter
Review: This was just absolutely adorable! I love some Irondads content and this was very sweet
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evermore by @lyssismagical
Summary: Just a Solid Vent Fic. I wanna do 30 days of Taylor Swift-inspired fics (folklore and evermore) lmao but idk yet we’ll see lemme know tho
Relationships/Tropes: Spideychelle, Irondad, Peter Overworks Himself
Review: I loved this one a lot! I definitely relate to Peter with tending to overwork myself during school and letting other things fall away, and then feeling quite exhausted after it's all over haha. I'm glad MJ and Tony were able to help him <3
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Two Hours Spent Cuddling by @skeeter-110 (Pt. 2 of Twelve Days of Christmas)
Summary: A giant snowstorm takes out the power in the tower. While waiting for the backup generator to come up, the Stark-Rhodes family finds a way to stay warm.
Relationships/Tropes: Ironhusbands, Irondad, Papa Rhodey, Kid Peter, Christmas
Review: I. Love this story. So much. I haven't seen very many stories that center around Rhodey being a father-figure to Peter, and this one definitely filled all my desires for such a story! It's so fluffy and sweet, and I loved every word :D
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Three Stark-Rhodes’ Decorating by @skeeter-110 (Pt. 3 of Twelve Days of Christmas)
Summary: Tony, Rhodey, and Peter Stark-Rhodes begin decorating for the holiday season.
Relationships/Tropes:  Ironhusbands, Irondad, Papa Rhodey, Kid Peter, Christmas
Review: This story was absolutely adorable! It was another featuring Papa Rhodey and Dad Tony with Little Peter, and it was so well done! I love that Tony's robots and JARVIS each get a stocking hung over the fire too, and the way Peter pronounce ornaments as "orminents" was so cute!!!
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Four Poorly Wrapped Presents by @skeeter-110 (Pt. 3 of Twelve Days of Christmas)
Summary: Peter has two presents each for his Daddy and his Papa. The only problem was, he had no idea how to wrap them. He figures the Avengers could help.
Relationships/Tropes: Ironhusbands, Irondad, Papa Rhodey, Avengers Family, Kid Peter, Christmas
Review: This was so sweet! Clint, Nat, and Steve treat Peter with such sweetness, and it made my heart all fuzzy and warm <3
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