#because at least there its quiet and i wont need to deal with a lot of the bullshit most customer service jobs deal with. even if im just

[schizopositivity]

recently i've been going into stupors for like 20-40 minutes where i'm just completely absent from the world and over the past week i've done a lot of reflecting and researching and OOPS does it turn out I have a lot of catatonic symptoms...

but no matter how much i surf the web i can't find anything on coping with them aside from taking meds (and i'm in like the three month long waiting period in getting referred to a psychiatrist. ugh.)...is there really nothing else that can be done with them? i have physical education next semester and i have no idea how to explain my symptoms to whoever my teacher will be. im thinking of going to my guidance counsellor but no matter what they can do to accomodate me im still just going to not be able to function normally in that class.

do you have any resources on how to deal with catatonic symptoms aside from meds, or at least how to explain them to non schizospecs?

to me this sounds more like dissociation. cause ive experienced both dissociation and catatonia and theres a distinct difference for me (and accounts ive read of others). this is purely my opinion based off this ask, i am not a mental health professional, just someone with experience.

dissociation you are not aware of your body, or viewing yourself from the outside or through an altered perseption. its common for people dissociating to feel absent from the world. i think its great that you are able to tell how long this goes on cause i know for me and plenty of others we cant really tell how long it goes on. spacing out is even a form of dissociation that falls on the less severe end of the spectrum. and that form is extremely common, i dont think ive met a single person who has never spaced out or lost chunks of time doing so. and dissociation is pretty common too, it comes in a lot of forms and is brought on by many disorders, trauma or stress. for me i have OSDD, so i dissociate very frequently and severely as a result of my childhood traumas. as far as treatments go, it usually is some sort of therapy to adress the cause of the dissociation. for me that was EMDR therapy that i found very helpful. as far as accomidations in school go, id advise you to go to your student resource center. for college there is usually an ADA office, for middle/highschool there is the counselors office. both usually require a formal diagnosis, or a letter of recomendation from a professional for you to show what your disorder/symptoms are and then you can tell them what accomidations you need for it.

catatonia in my experience is very different. i am very aware of my body. i am seeing the world as clear as i normally do, and i just simply cannot move at all or can only do one motion over and over again. for other catatonics they can appear agitated, be in strange positions, speak in echolalia and other symptoms that arent shutting down completely. for me, i feel trapped, and i tell my body to move as i usually do and it just cant. its extremely distressing, i feel broken, and im screaming and moving on the inside, but totally quiet and motionless on the outside. and if i am able to move one joint, ill move it over and over in an attempt to get some sort of help. catatonia usually occurs in disorders like schizophrenia, bipolar, autism spectrum disorder, and in many medical conditions. it is seen as a pretty severe symptom because it literally stops all physical functioning. and yes sadly there isnt much treatment besides medicine and just waiting it out (like ive done every time ive had it). from my experience it doesnt matter what people say or do around me, ill understand them perfectly, but it still wont snap me out of it.

from the outside these two symptoms can look the same, someone not moving and staring blankly. but according to the DSM, catatonia is not a form of dissociation. and although there isnt many public accounts of how catatonia feels, i have never heard anyone describe it as "completely absent from the world". but i have heard countless times people describe dissociation like that.

its also worth noting that not being able to move the body at all even if you want to can be a symptom of a medical condition, and if you have the chance i think its worth bringing up to a dr.

but if it really feels like being completely absent from the world i think thats something that a lot of people understand the experience of. spacing out is extremely common. and many people i know, people who do not have dissociative disorders, have experienced times where they spaced out and lost chunks of time. im not trying to downplay it or say its not cause for concern, but if you think the words fit, i think explaining it to other people as "spacing out" or "dissociating" will have a lot more people understanding what it is and how to work around it.

sorry for this very long answer, its just an intresting subject, and i have lots of personal experience with both and i want more people to understand the difference. once again i cant say for sure if you do or dont have catatonia. but i think dissociation is something that would be worth your time to research. and articles comparing the two are lengthy and talk more about underlying causes, while sadly i couldnt find anything comparing how they both felt, i do have my own experiences to talk about and hopefully explain it from the pov of the person experiencing it rather than the dr observing it.

#answered #catatonia #dissociating #spacing out #tagging cause i talked about these things not diagnosing them

[hirik0]

In his shadow part 5

Young Price/Nik

Nik POV

CW: torture, description of injury, near death expirince

Nik is in bad shape like tortured and stuff but Price saves him they kiss but nik wont remembers because he's delirious

Sometimes being unconscious is a blessing. Because then you at least don't feel the pain but Artyorm would not let him have this. Would not let him have a moment of piece. Everyday till XX caught him was worse then the last one. Honestly he knew when he agreed to the deal that he won't survive it and he dont think its because Kate don't want to pull him but more that they won't let her. So even when the first people got suspicious of him and he didn't leaked any information as a safety precautions for a while, he still got caught. He dont even know how painless breathing feels like, but still he didn't tell them anything. They still think he works for the Russian government and he just never disagreed with them. "Nik, c'mon just tell me, so I don't have to ruin your pretty face", Artyorm says only getting a stuborn look as answer. A fist is colliding with his cheek makes his head snap to the side and for some reason he still has fight in him left. "So now I'm pretty again huh, but noy pretty enough to not replace me the second you think I won't return", Nik spats out getting his nose broken for it. Artyorm is leaning in forcefully grapping his hair, pulling some hairs out the force he's using making Nik his in pain. And that is what he thinks pisses them of the most not one's did he scream since his personal hell began nearly 10 days ago. "Is that why your a fucking rat because your jealous?", Artyorm wispers in his ear, rage and disgust coating his voice. "Does your ego need a stroke that desperately?", Nik asks back smug, knowing that Artyorm is getting frustrated with him not breaking. "You got me in a lot of trouble your lucky your dead body is not rotting somewhere never to be found." "I'm not lucky just stuborn." Another punsh and his nose makes a horrible crunching sound and then flood is surging from his now doppel broken nose. Somebody else is entering the warehouse they brought him two days ago. For the first time Nikolai is actually afraid, because Sasha entered the room, what ever time Artyorm was give to break him was up. Sasha looks over him displeased over how uninjured he appears, but Artyorm used brutal force, if he wouldn't wear a shirt you could see the gigantic black bruises all over his torso and back. "Treated your boy toy quiet well Artyorm, what makes Artyorm rip the shirt if Nikolai to show of his work. Sasha is pressing a finger against his rips causing Nik to squirm and hiss in pain. "Just tell us the name of your handler", Sasha says in a bored tone, like he has other places to be and better thinks to do, but his eyes are betraying him showing how exited he his to hurt Nik. To get the information out of him with all means deemed necessary.

Nik still haven't screamed in pain yet. And he has a concerning amount of knifes in his body now. "Tough littel rat aren't you", Sasha hisses angry, before leaving the room, probably to get new weapons. He returns with a bucket. Nik frowns then the shirt that Artyorm ripped of him is placed over his face. The chair is bulled back a bit so it only stands on the back legs. "Remember to breath", is all what Sasha says before purring some of the water in the bucket over Nik coverd face. He starts to cough instantly starting to panic because he can't breath probably. "Who is your handler?" If he never has to hear this question ever again it would still be to early. He will not say anything, he stalled a lot of time as well. Time in that Kate and John would try to find him, he has to hope the two trying to find him when they learn his cover blow. Well Kate would annoy Jonathan in to helping her of duty, but well he also would look. The piece of cloth gets removed from his mouth, he desperately takes several deep breaths, before coughing from the water he breath in, in his panic. Sasha makes a tsk sound before his mouth is again covered. Ever time water gets pured over his face is worse then the last one, but then finally the bucket is empty meaning he might gets a break from this. "You could have been a really valuable member for the cause, you know if you weren't so intressted in being Artyorms play thing. Shame that your just a traitor, somebody that can't understand our goals." "Thats because you never tell anyone what the goals are, can't understand things if they don't get explained properly", Nik coughs the sentence out. "We need a new elite, after the Revolution that replaced the weak monarchy fought so that just as week people can take over. But we we are strong, we can lead this country so much better." "For that you need survive the attempt to over throw the government first. Because if you fail you end up in the siberia to never been seen again." Nik paid a painful price for speaking the truth. Some of the knifes getting rearrange, moving from mainly his legs towards his arms and shoulder. He's still coughing up water every time he makes a sound he ends up having a coughing fit.

Nik dont know how long Sasha left him alone bleeding and coughing. The sun is setting when he returns and he looks angry. One of the knifes is brutaly ripped out of his arm to be just as brutal being ramed in his thight. He screams for the first time in 10 days. Sasha makes a pleased sound at this, before pulling all the knives out for now. Then his hands get cut free from the armrest. Bloddy cuts around his wrist. He gets pushed to the ground before his hands are ones again restrained. "It's very easy everytime I cut you you count them or say the names of your handler, if you take to long we restart at the first cut", Sasha explains giddy, clearly enjoying this. "Understood ", Nik says, he can do this, he just needs to count how hard can it be? Was it not for the bruises he would not have noticed he when got cut. The knife going through his skin like butter. "One", Nik says while the cut is keep going. "Smart one", the other mutters more to himself but Nik will slip up they all do eventually. "Twenty", Nik groans and then his blood frezzes when he hears the two slow. No No he didn't slow down, the cut wasn't even finished yet just like the others. The recuting stinks but how many recurs can he handel, the new cuts not just cutting the surface of his skin, going deeper, will go even deeper the next restart. "One." Tears are slowly gathering in Niks eyes, the pain just to much, he's still able to not sob the number. "Sixteen." "Restart." Nik knows that Sasha in the end can just restart when ever he pleases. "ONE", he screams in pain, the cut getting deeper again. The tears start running down after the 5th cut for this round, he's still not sobbing he will not give this psycho the satifcation of that. He trys not to scream to much, he needs his voice for as long as possible. He starts sobs after they restart after 25 cuts, the worst is he really is considering to just tell them. They sent him into his dead, he don't need to be loyal to them anymore. "One", he sobs and hears a satisfied noice from Sasha. "Twoo.. you're getting off on this aren't you?" It's just two cuts if they restart don't matter this much now. The sound of metal hitting the ground are sounding through the empty room. Then it burns it burns so badly while some sort of powder is put on his back. He screams in agony, wants to crawl forward away from what ever is hitting his back. A brutal grip his stopping him from doing this. Then the buring stops and he leans forward while crying it hurts so bad. He feels how his body try to pull him back into unconsciousness, but then a ice cold liquid is pured over him. "No passing out the only way this stops either you talk or you die, Nikolai", Sasha says while using one of the other knives he pulled out of his victim, that is pathetically shaking in front of him, from being in pain and because he's starting to freeze.

"TEN", Nikolai screams and then suddenly hear screams from outside. Sasha steps away and Nik just falls to the site. Ugly crying from the pain he's feeling. He owns Kate nothing and still he can't betray her. Knowing she's just following orders, Kate cares or atleast pretends like she does. Always telling him to be careful and she hopes they can get him out soon. He won't get out, blood starting to form a puddle that run out of the deep cuts if his back. He's starting to feel tired and he's so cold, what a miserable death. He is losing the feeling of how much time passed, but Sasha is gone for a while now. Each breath is taking more energy, his eye lids are so heavy and he dont think he was ever this tired. He dont even registers the sound of gun shots or how cold he his, his body is shutting down one function after the other.

Price kickst the door open of the last warehouse of the location Nikolai gave them and stops breathing for a moment. A bloody body laying in the middel of the room. And he just knows it's Nikolai. He and Bravo-3 are rushing towards the man, the least they can do is recover his body. Bravo-3 is feeling for a pulse frowning stripping his glove to feel again. "He's still alive", Bravo-3 says after feeling a weak pulse. "Bravo-0 we found the informant he's in critical condition we need a exfile ASAP", Bravo-3 talks in the radio while Price trys to get the Russian to open his eyes. Nik groans when he opens his eyes a tiny little bit. His vision is blurry and he only sees a blob in front of him. "Nik... lai..", the voice sounds like its coming out of a shitty radio he opens his eyes a bit more and the blob is becoming human shaped. "Nikolai", the voice is still strange but also oddly familiar, this must be what ever his brain decides to show him in his last moment. "Mom?", he asks the blob his brain slowly focusing his eye sight. "No, Nikolai, keep your eyes open we get you out of here", the voice says and he struggles to understand it because of a British accent. The human shape is slowly turning in to a man. He vaguely remembering he saw him before, but he dont know where, but if his brain decides to hallucinate a guy before is death he won't complain. "Jonathan?", he mutters in his curent state he has no idea where this name even comes from. "Yes." He trys to say something but he dont make a sound so the man is leaning in closer. If he wasn't on the verge of death he would have registered the warm air hitting his face. "Goodbye", Nikolai wispers before giving a short and weak kiss on the other man's mouth. The world is replaced by darkness.

#call of duty #captain john price #young price #nikolai cod #young nikolai

[minevn]

how do the love interests deal with an mc that’s very… idk how to describe it but catlike? sleeps a lot, quiet most of the time but not really in a shy way, more in a “i have nothing to say” way, shows affection by gently bonking their head against the LIs, etc.

I decided to add Aki just because I REEEEALLY wanted to :3 wanted to write for my wife😌

Minato: He is a healthy person so he'd be concerned about you sleeping a lot and might try to help you fix it if you wanted to. He's also quiet so there may be a lot of awkward or comfortable silence. Thinks its so cute when you bonk your head against him, he might even try to do it to you :3

Haruto: Is most likely already used to your behavior. Instead of trying to improve the catlike behavior, he'll probably feed into it. If you have a set napping time then he'll always show up at that time so you can sleep on him or maybe he could join you in a nap. Haruto is pretty good at speaking so he's fine with leading the conversation if that's what you need, he's also fine if you give short answers, and if you just want silence then he'll be able to pick that up and will stop talking. Haruto is also bonking his head against you and thats your love language now :3

Jun: YOU'RE SO CUTE OMG!! Jun wouldn't try to fix your sleep schedule but she might pout a little, you're attention is on sleeping and NOT her LMAO, but she's happy as long as she gets to be near you<3 Jun is fine with doing most of the talking, she LOVES talking. Ofc if you ever do have something to say and want to talk Jun will listen happily, she wont ever interrupt you and she'll make a conversation topic off of what you're talking about. Literally thinks you are the cutest person alive and loves you so so so so so much, will pet you if you bonk your head against her.

Hoshi: Might try to keep you up by dragging you out to an amusement park or something, definitely takes you on the tagada ride, if he doesn't do that he'd drawing on your face. Hoshi also doesn't mind leading the conversation but will make remarks like "You're so boring." Or something rude about you being quiet. Calls you weird for bonking your head against him but might end up doing it as well, JUST TO TRY IT THOUGH he thinks its cute

Habiki: Will Just go to sleep with you honestly. I think Habiki is kind of catlike as well, most things you do Habiki will probably do as well. He's also quiet, but suddenly its a problem when you're quiet because he likes your voice. ADORES it when you bonk your had on him, it's something that he learned to do FROM you and now he's doing it to everyone he cares about.

Kage: He'll tuck you in and probably also join you for nap time, He's also quiet, you could be having a comfortable silence though and he'll still feel awkward. Jumps whenever you bonk your head against him, he's never expecting it, but he likes it :3

Kei: Would try to help your sleep schedule, tryin to keep you up so you're sleepy at night, hoping you can fall asleep, otherwise he'll try calming methods to make you tired, if that doesn't work then he might suggest sleeping meds if you're comfortable with that. He relates to your quietness, you two will probably have a lot of comfortable silence but Kei might also just start saying random facts or whatever, he likes hearing you. He'll start nuzzling into your neck, talking about how cute you are.

Yani: Will join you when you nap after she takes tons of pictures and drawings of you. Yani doesn't mind leading the conversations and will try to include you! Bonks you back with a little too much excitement, feels bad and starts apologizing, but doesn't learn. Every time you bonk them with your head they get so excited and bonk you too hard.

Aki: Worries about you. Tries to get you out of the house more, or at least tries to do something fun inside. Aki doesn't mind talking a lot, at first she felt bad but then realized that's just you, goes completely silent and listens to everything you have to say when you do talk. Loves when you bonk your head against her, probably does it back before petting you.

#💝-minevn #visual novel #yandere vn #🎤-asks #🐠-Minato #📙-Haruto #🎀-Jun #🍽️-Hoshi #🎻-Habiki #👤-Kage #💻-Kei #💕-Yani #🐍-Aki

[spoipage]

-

#lol i fucking hate working and all i work is short shifts on weekends #it leaves me so fucking drained and every little fuckup is a massive fucking gut punch that makes me wanna break down and quit #and now that im looking for a new job closer to home so i can pick up more hours i have to go through the hell that is job applications #and waiting for a reply and the subsequent hell of overthinking and my dad laughing at every thing i do wrong #like sorry!! i dont have 40 years of experience like you dude!! and everything stacking up makes me want to work less and less #and thinking that im gonna spend a majority of my life in this hellish loop makes me want to fuckin die #im. not cut out for work. im too socially awkward and anxious to do anything involving people and too weak and unwise to do anything #behind the scenes. i cant cooperate with others more than following orders and i cant communicate with them in the first place to get to a #point where i can. im a shitty teenager trying my best but my brain shuts everything down before i can actually build the skills i need for #basic customer service. nd thats all i can get at this point. and likely all that i'll be stuck with until i wind up dead somewhere bc of it #i dont want to spend the next 60 years of my life working and fucking up and wanting to die. let me be a trophy wife or some shit #the only way i can see myself not being depressed out of my fucking mind all summer is if i get lucky and the library accepts my application #because at least there its quiet and i wont need to deal with a lot of the bullshit most customer service jobs deal with. even if im just #shelving and finding books. itd be much better than anything else. but i had almost nothing i could put on the application and likely wont #get hired unless by some miracle or act of god or just fucking something. at least it doesnt seem that they get many applicants. #but that doesnt matter when you dont fit the minimum qualifications because youre a dumb teenager stuck working over the summer #i dont have any excuses for why i cant or shouldnt work so its not like i can enjoy a normal summer and stay a kid for one more year #my parents (esp my dad) wouldnt get it if i said im mortified of the idea of spending the rest of my life stuck like that and want one more #year of being young. theyd probably shrug it off and use the 'i was working when i was much younger than you' card #just. sigh. im tired of this shit. i want to spend my days purposefully doing nothing. not working and getting closer to a mental breakdown #hm. that went on much longer than i thought or meant. ignore all of that lol #the only reason im venting here is because using server vent channels makes me feel like shit. so here i am yelling into the void

[rek1s-headband]

hi could i request something? basically just HCS about langa and reki when you guy get into a fight or sum idk LMFAOO, you dont have to do this if you dont want to tho <3

➯ A/N: Thank you for the request! I hope you enjoy. I added a few characters, hope you don’t mind:)

➯ When you guys get into a fight

➯ Characters: Langa Hasegawa, Reki Kyan, Kaoru Sakurashiki, Kojiro Nanjou, Hiromi Higa and Miya Chinen x gn reader

➯ Warnings: angst if you squint, fluff

Langa:

Ok the majority of your fights are generally because of a miscommunication. If things aren’t spelled out for the poor boy, he’ll be completely oblivious to what’s bothering you

When you finally snap, he always seems shocked, asking why you hadn’t said anything sooner, even if you’d been trying to hint at it all week

Not really one to shout, but if things get heated enough he might snap. He always feels awful afterwards though. No matter what, he really believes no one should be screamed at because of something as silly as a disagreement

Rarely storms out, he’s always going to try and stay until the end to try and get something, anything out of you that he can use to try and understand your point of view

Understands space. He knows when you dont feel like talking to him, and he will give you that time to collect your thoughts. When you’re ready to speak again, he’s all ears

Gets overwhelmed really easy. It doesnt really show in what he says, but when you raise your voice his brain goes to putty and he can feel his breath get narrow. He’s not scared, he just doesn’t want to be the reason you’re feeling like this.

Never lets you go to bed angry. He’ll give you your space, but if you’re still quiet by bedtime he’s making sure you’ve eaten and you’re not still really upset by whatever played out that day

Overthinks a lot. How long did he not realise you were upset? What if its actually a much bigger deal than you’re letting on? What if you leave? Of course, he knows a lot of it is completely irrational, but it still lingers in the back of his mind, so you can imagine how relieved he is when the fight is over and you’re back in his arms

Asks people for advice a lot. Reki and Cherry are usual helpers, giving Langa their opinions on the matter without going into too much detail. The rest is up to him.

Gives the best hugs and comfort after a fight. He understands couples can fight, and never really takes the aggression let out by the pair of you too seriously. Rubbing the back of your head and holding you close to his chest, he’ll reassure you that he’s not going anywhere, that he’s not going to leave “just because of a silly fight” while you fight back tears on his shoulder.

Reki

Unlike Langa, Reki is a very open person in terms of his feelings, so your fights are rarely because of closed away emotions. However, many are caused by you feeling he is spending too much time in his workshop, overworking himself and not spending as much time with you as he should.

As for Reki, he gets mad when he feels you’re being closed off from him, not telling him things and hiding your true emotions. It’s not that he doesnt trust you, he just doesnt want you shouldering anything by yourself, and tries to make things easier for you by halving the problem.

A very emotional person, and this really shows when the two of you argue. There’s a lot of tears, a lot of raised voices, yknow those exhausted laughs when you’re tired of arguing with someone? Those. He pulls at his hair a lot in frustration too

Both of you need to walk away from each other a lot during arguments. You’re both driven by your emotions, so its hard to think logically once you’ve both gotten really upset.

The type to sit outside a door after an argument if you’ve locked yourself in a room, pressing against it and quietly talking to you, regardless of whether or not he gets a response

Understands space, to a certain extent. He’ll try and talk to you after an argument, try anything to get you to just answer him, to come out from your room, to stop ignoring him. He knows when you really don’t want to face him though, which is when he’ll go out for a while, either to Langa’s for advice, or just for a quiet skate.

Despite how upset he gets in the moment, he gets over it quickly. Once he’s out of his head and seeing properly, he’ll take some time to think it over and see things from your point of view. He’ll come back to you with an apology, and when you’re ready to talk, he’ll discuss things with you this time around instead of fighting

If the fight lasts overnight, he refuses to let you take the couch. If he feels a fight will last, he’ll glue himself to the couch, making it impossible for you to sleep anywhere other than your bed. No matter what the fight was about, he refuses to have you sleep uncomfortably.

Tends to cry after making up. It’s rarely out of sadness, of course, more relief than anything. He’s just happy to have you back in his arms, no longer ignoring him.

Cherry

A very rational person, fights are very rare between the pair of you. When you do fight, it tends to be because you feel he’s being closed off from you, not being as open and emotional with you. As for him, he doesnt like when you act too aloof about things that are actually serious to him

Fights start out quiet, talking in normal tones and using your heads. However, as the fight goes on, your voices gradually get higher and louder, arms thrown in the air as you get in each other’s faces.

He snaps quite a bit. Petty remarks, snappy replies and other unnecessary comments are thrown out without much thought as he gets more pissed off. Not necessarily because he doesn’t have anything to defend himself, but because once he’s started, he’ll do just about anything to piss you off

Depending on the fight, it could last an hour or a week. Both of you are so petty that you’ll refuse to apologise to the other, forgetting who was even in the wrong in the first place

Honestly, whoever goes to sleep first gets the bed, he’s not as considerate as Reki. However, as the fight goes on, the pair of you will stay up for ungodly hours into the night, trying to outlast the other because they dont want them sleeping on the couch. You’ll never admit that though, which is why you wont just fall asleep on the couch first. Besides, if you happen to fall asleep on the couch before Kaoru goes to bed, he’ll carry you upstairs and sleep on the couch himself. He’ll never admit that though, he’ll simply say you woke up and went upstairs in a hazy half-sleep, which is why you dont remember.

He’s definitely programmed Carla to apologise to you for him at least once, rolling her into the room you’re in before quickly walking out to the sound of “Y/N, I-am-very-sorry-and-I-was-wrong-please-forgive-me” in Carlas robotic voice

If you ever go to Joe’s restaurant to cool down, he’ll make a big fuss, swaying and sighing, dramatically shouting about “however will these lovers reconcile!?” Once his act is over though, he’ll comfort you and give you your favourite meal, tutting over the pair of you and thinking of ways to help you make up

Literally won’t let you go of you for at least a week after you fight. This mf is hanging off you, constant forehead kisses, the whole deal. He’s gone without your affection for a long time while you fought, he’s simply making up for lost time

Joe

You get really pissed at him when he flirts with other girls. He doesn’t mean to, he’s just a bit of a girl magnet and it’s his nature to entertain them. Of course, he all yours, but he forgets sometimes that jealousy is actually a thing

Doesnt take arguments as seriously as he probably should. He’s the type to tell you to “calm down” in the worst possible moment, its usually what makes you explode, actually.

Absolutely dense. The type to listen to you shout for five minutes, and only then have the audacity to ask you just what your problem was

It’s not his fault, bless him. He’s just a little unobservant when it comes to your emotions. When he realises you’re actually upset though, he’s apologising profusely and promising to never do it again

His apologies are always so genuine, you generally forgive him. However, if he does something that really pisses you off and you dont forgive him, he’ll give you space to think

Fights are usually resolved within a day. Like Langa, he refuses to let you go to bed angry

Cooks for you every meal regardless of whether or not you eat it. He’ll leave meals outside your door as a sort of truce, quietly pressing against the door and asking you to please come eat with him, that he hates the idea of you holed up in there all alone

Like Kaoru, he tends to reply with snarky remarks that have little to do with the argument, but they have a little less bite to them. More petty, if anything

Another big reason for why fights never last long is because this man literally. Will. Not. Survive. Without. You. You’ll be trying to ignore him while he comes in every five minutes, asking you how to get a certain channel on the TV, or stupid things you know he’s only asking because he misses talking to you

After you make up, he literally wont even look at another girl for at least a week. Mf will literally turn his head the other way if a girl comes near him, shouting about how he’s spoken for

Shadow

The biggest hothead. He says a lot of things he doesn’t mean in the moment, which will cause you to storm out and he’ll immediately regret it

The fight almost immediately escalates past hushed voices, swear words thrown around as you get in each other’s faces

He’ll get really upset, but he’ll mask it with being pissed off and angry, clashing pots around and acting like a literal baby. He doesnt want to admit it, but he always feels awful right after a fight. He knows youll need a bit of space after the intense shouting, so he’ll give you that space before even attempting an apology

Aggressively cares for you. Like he’ll say things like “I made food, it’ll taste like shit if you leave it, so I suggest you have it now” or “nope, I want the couch, I’m gonna watch something” he’ll never admit it, he just wants to make sure you’re alright even while fighting

If the two of you go to S while fighting, it’ll be very obvious. Usually you’re attached at the hip, but now you couldn’t be further apart. However, he’s still looking out for you, keeping an eye on you to make sure you’re alright. If you’re ever getting hit on by some creep, the fight is forgotten and he’s back at your side, daring the stranger to come any closer to you.

Reki is always the first to notice, poking him and pushing you over to him, trying to get the two of you to make up. Surprisingly, it actually does help clear the air

He can never stay mad at you for long though, he’s completely soft for you

Makes you bouquets to try and apologise. He’s taught you a lot about the meanings of flowers, so he’ll specifically pick ones with hidden meanings like “I’m sorry” or “I love you”

Not very good with verbal apologies. He knows when they’re needed though, and they are usually delivered through a series of grumbles and sad expressions. The thought is there though

Gives very gentle, long hugs after you make up. He’ll hold you close, suggesting a date or a movie to help the two of you relax

Miya

Literally the biggest bitch out of the six to fight with. He’s so petty, he will refuse to admit he’s wrong for the longest time. Once he’s in, there’s no accepting he’s not right

At least for a while anyway. He’ll start to feel bad once he sees just how upset you’re getting, frustrated with his inability to see anyone’s point of view but his own

King of the silent treatment. He’ll hide away behind his switch, drowning out his guilty thoughts with the white noise of animal crossing

He’ll skate to take his mind off things, practicing new tricks until he’s exhausted

Makes really snide remarks that have absolutely nothing to do with the argument. The type to bring up shit that happened 4 months ago just to help his case

Reki is usually the one to make him see sense, telling him just how petty he’s being, and that he cant get so defensive when he’s in the wrong. He knows this, obviously, he just can’t help it sometimes.

Although he’s not one for real apologies, he’ll slowly begin to stop ignoring you, bringing you small snacks or sending you funny things he saw on his phone. He’ll sit beside you, acting as if it was completely unintentional, but will slowly inch closer and closer until he’s curled up at your side, mumbling about how he wasn’t completely right after all

Will literally hit anyone who tries to comment on how the pair of you have made up, talking about how “its not even that big of a deal, just shut up”

Ad*m

Yall fought cause y’know. He’s ad*m

Sat outside your house with a speaker and an ugly ass sign. It started raining and his sign got ruined and his makeup ran

You broke up with him and he cried

Slipped in the rain while leaving <3

#sk8 the infinity x reader #sk8 the infinity #sk8 headcannons #sk∞ #reki kyan x reader #reki x reader #reki kyan headcanons #sk8 reki #reki kyan #sk8 langa #langa hasegawa #langa hasegawa headcanons #langa x reader #kaoru sakurayashiki x reader #kaoru sakurayashiki #kaoru sakurayashiki headcanons #cherry blossom headcanons #cherry blossom x reader #kojiro nanjo #kojirou nanjou x reader #kojirou nanjou headcanons #hiromi higa x reader #hiromi higa headcanons #shadow x reader #miya chinen #hiromi higa #Miya chinen x reader #Miya chinen headcanons #sk8 joe #sk8 cherry

[slashingdisneypasta]

Human!Freddy Krueger x Fem!Reader || Oneshot

Title: What The Fuck Now, Freddy!?

Notes:

This is not inherently romantic, at all. Or sexual. Just... Freddy being a bastard, and you are caught in the crosshairs- and are forever linked with him because of it.

I've been listening to Lizzie, a lot lately- and this is inspired by 'What The Fuck Now, Lizzie!?'

Also- I'm thinking this will have a part 2. Due to the ending not being quite enough. Maybe a part for the court proceedings!

Plot: Many will know the story of that terrible day Krueger essentially snapped- killing his wife, Loretta Krueger. She saw the basement, they say, and he didn't like that. Their daughter saw the whole thing and suffered a traumatic response to seeing the sight of her mother, strangled to death, by her father- and forgot the whole thing.

But if she were to remember something, one day.

She may remember something no one knows about that day, aside from Freddy himself.

She may remember, that someone else was there.

She may remember you.

//

Alternatively- you're being blackmailed by Freddy who found out you, another supposedly Plain Jane in Loretta's 'mothers club', is cheating on your husband and calls you up to help deal with the mess he made. Because who else did he have?

Warnings: Okay lemme see, its basically a potluck of triggers. Hm. Murder, swearing, cheating (You, on your husband. Not with Freddy), getting rid of a body, a child gets traumatised (Obviously, Kathy/Maggie), Freddy himself, mention of the basement and all that entails, reader with a very questionable moral compass. Look, I think if you can watch Freddy's Dead, you're good here.

I'm just heading out the door, to go grocery shopping - or, at least, that's the story I tell my husband. When really I don't do the grocery shop until the day after tomorrow. He never notices... - when the phone rings. By very nearly tripping over my feet in my endeavour to catch it before the ringing stops, I manage pick up the phone with very little injury besides an achy, slightly twisted ankle. "Hi! Hi, sorry, I'm here. Hello?"

Pouting, I sit down at the kitchen table; Rubbing my poor ankle to sooth the pain, which would soon diminish anyway. Still- I'm sorry, ankle. I'll try to chill.

When the voice on the other end reveals who it is who's called the house, I lose all need to be pleasant. Damn. I really need to memorise this goddamn number... so I can not answer it. "Whatcha wearin'?"

"Thank god Harrison didn't answer this, you fuck." I deeply roll my eyes. Thank god Har's out. No, this is not my mister, not the man I was going to meet just now- but its bad, enough. In an entirely different way. Its stupid, blackmailing, son of a... hundred maniacs. "What do you want?"

"What a way to answer the phone, Y/N. Gee, seems like every time I we talk, I'm learning how you really aren't in the right place, are you? Cheating on your poor husband, swearing... These aren't really signs of the perfect suburban house wife, is it?" Gritting my teeth, I keep from lashing out. I've learned, if you stay real quiet, Freddy wont have anything to pull from and will get bored quick. "Why so silent, hm?"

"... " Oh, fuck me. I cant help it. "Wondering where you get off judging me on being 'suburban', actually."

"Anywhere I like, thanks."

Oh... oh. Gross?

He doesn't see the disgust tearing my face into two perfect halves right now, but my silence must be enough as he laughs. The sound is directly into the phone, and harsh on my poor eardrums. Ugh... "Oh for gods sake... What are we? Fourteen years old?? Come on- why'd you call?"

"Uhhhh... " Quickly, midway through that drawn out 'um' sound, Freddy's voice transitions, and gets a whole lot darker. Something deep in his chest dislodging, to make it so. Perhaps, his heart. "Well... you might wanna come and see for yourself."

"Uh, I don't think so. I have somewhere to be right now- "

"Oh well you don't, anymore." And its clear what he isn't saying- or else I'll tell Harrison about Carter and set your life on fire. "Tell your boy toy you're takin' a reign check for the day. I think you'll last. In fact... after you come over here, you might be out of the game for a couple a hours at least- maybe days."

Hold on, hold on Freddy what the fuck- "What!?"

"... Believe it or not, I didn't actually mean for that one."

Moron.

~

Nevertheless, no matter how just... off setting, Freddy is, I had to when he asked. I had to jump when he said so.

Because if not, then he would tear my life apart.

So here I am, about to knock on that big red door he lives behind, wondering what I'm walking into. Where's Loretta? Where's Kathy? How long will the visit be? I told Carter I'd be an hour or two late- any longer and I wont see him at all today. Which would absolutely suck.

Just after my knuckles come down on the wood the first time, a hand comes down on my shoulder and I immediately jump out of my skin... then slowly look around.

There's Freddy, a cheeky grin on his face. It does nothing to set my nerves at ease. "Ugh... Why are you out here?"

"We're going to the backyard. Lets go." Taking me by the shoulders, he marches me around the side of the house, instead of through it for some reason, and into the familiar backyard. I've been here numerous times, as Loretta likes to hold our club meetings here - Barbecue's, tea's... that sort of thing. Just to let the kids play together and so the adults can enjoy some adult conversation. Its a nice yard... but depending on what her horrid husband is about to show me, it may not be considered as such anymore... - , but I'm now starting to develop a sick feeling in my stomach.

Honestly- I don't know much about Freddy at all. Yes, I went to school with him, but that doesn't mean much when he was a freaky loner kid the whole time. I remember he killed the class hamster once- that's about the only splash he ever made in the news pool; But it definitely stuck.

Yes, Loretta cleaned up his image a fair bit since getting married, but now he's blackmailing me, and as far as I know I'm now alone with him.

Suspicious of him suddenly, I slip out of his grip with a dirty look flashed his way. Don't touch me.

He just rolls his eyes, leading me around some hedges.

And then everything stops.

Him, me, the air; The air around me, the breeze, the breath in my throat.

There lays Loretta, on the ground. If I was really really naïve, I could imagine she were sleeping... or passed out, at least, due to the way she's sprawled out. No one would lay down like that willingly.

But... her eyes are open.

For a moment I'm tempted to kneel down; Take a closer look. Find out how, myself. Is she bleeding anywhere that I cant see now? Are her lips turning blue? If I moved some short red hair out of the way- would their be marks on her neck yet?

But then I come to my senses...

And freak. The fuck. O u t.

"What, the fuck, did you do!?" I whip around, looking at Freddy now which entirely new eyes. I mean, before I sure wasn't fond- but now I'm filled with something new, looking at him. Something a lot worse, something that makes me want to run. Run, and hide, and stay there.

And all these, even though he hasn't really changed. He still wears a mischievous smirk, stony blue eyes eating up my reactions... like always. But this time its just so so much worse. "Made some dead weight- now you're gonna help me get rid of it. So!" Finally, though its been only a matter of seconds, he turns his gaze off of me and I'm glad. That gaze is far too heavy. "Ideas?"

Only for a moment am I lost for words, struggling to push anything out. "I... I'm sorry??"

His gaze returns to mine, but this time my eyes are hard as his are dark. "Help. Me. Get rid of her. Fucking. Body. Or do you want your dirty laundry aired for the whole community to hear?"

Before I can help myself, I let out a sharp laugh, only succeeding in making Freddy's scowl deeper. "Freddy- this secret's a lot bigger, then mine. Sure, I might get divorced- but you're going to prison!" Does he get that? He's g o i n g to j a i l. Crossing my arms, I try to avoid looking at my ex-friend's body. I cant. "I'm sure as hell not gonna be in there with you, for being an accomplice."

I really cant look at her... I can only focus on Freddy. And that takes a lot of energy- its taking everything in me, in fact. Everything I have. But I have to. If its him or her, there's no choice.

But... then a creepy smile spreads across his face- a vast polarity to the frustrated glower of before. It makes my blood run cold.

"Ohhhh..." He looks almost ferocious, even in his composed state. Like a monster. Like any moment a fanged, inhuman creature is going to burst out of him and I'm going to wake up, and this will have been a nightmare. A horrible nightmare. The kind where that creature haunts me for a long time, after its over. After this over.

He's going to haunt me.

"You must think this is my first time... " My heart turns to ice, mouth hanging a little open... what the fuck have I found myself a part of!? Suddenly all the children's disappearances on the news lately come to the forefront of my brain... "Sweetheart, give a man his dues. I'm a hard working kinda guy... " I watch his gaze flicker to a door - the back door? No... The basement door, - and when a filthy smirk pulls at his mouth, my heart flies up into my throat. God, it makes me feel sick. I want to be violently ill. "My first was my adoptive Dad... pretty sick, huh?"

The fact that he didn't say anything about the basement, makes my imagination go wild. I swallow it down, though.

I just need to get out of here, and never think about this again.

And to do that I need to help Freddy get rid of this goddamn body- and... probably... testify at court... As the panic starts to finally rise up in my, right up to fill my throat, I immediately take in a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Okay... " No time to freak out. Now's the time for action.

Gaze flickering to Loretta again, I try to acclimatise to the sight. I think its a lost cause, though. "How did you get rid of him? Your Dad?"

"No, that's not gonna work. He was a drunk dead beat, and I just had to tell the police some guy's he owed money to came over to the house." Freddy grins happily at the memory, but then just as quickly, scowls at his poor deceased wife's body- that certainly cant fight back. I just tack this onto the long list of reasons I hate him. "Lore's such a goddamn goody goody- we cant do the same thing. You don't think I woulda thought of that??"

"Hey." I snap, hands braced on my hips as I flash a glare his way. "This is not the time to get defensive!"

"Whatever... "

Then- suddenly, something occurs to me. Confused, I look around; A deeply horrified feeling disturbing my stomach. "Hold on... Where's your daughter?" Seeing no sign of her anywhere, I definitely start to panic again- especially when I look to Freddy and just see a pert look in his eyes as he looks back at me, a smile that strikes something horrid inside me. My eyes narrow. "You sick fuck- where the fuck is she!??"

"Under the bed."

"What the fuck does that mean!?" I exclaim, frustrated and freaking out. He did not- he did not! Killing your spouse is one thing, but the kid?? Your own kid??

I don't wait around for him to be cryptic some more, and rush right into the house to look for her. Under the bed, under the bed, under the fucking bed...? Which fucking bed!? Forcing ferocity out of my voice, I carefully call out to Kathy. Hoping to god she answers. I try to sound normal. Maybe a little bit cheerful; Excited.

But my voice wobbles.

"Kathy?? Sweetheart, its Y/N! Are you hiding? I have something for you... " ?? You have something for her, Y/N?? God... now you have to figure out some kind of treat.

You know what? Whatever. We'll figure that out later.

Lets just hope we aren't searching for a corpse. I'd definitely be sick, seeing a child... the way Loretta is...

Shaking my head and clenching my fists, I try to focus on Kathy.

I check under the bed in the guest room because it comes into view first and she isn't there, then her bedroom and she isn't there either... and get a sick feeling as soon as I enter the last bedroom. Freddy's and Loretta's.

God, I've never been in here before but its like a museum peace now. A horrible one. Like if you would walk into the Titanic... or the Borden house.

"Kathy? You in here?" Flicking on the light I kneel down on the ground, and check under the bed.

And something immediately crashes over me, as the sight of her covering her eyes down there. It isn't exactly relief, because this whole situation is still phenomenally fucked up for her, but I am selfishly glad to not have to see her body... crumpled, just like her mother.

"Hey sweetheart," My voice quivers slightly now, but I quickly swallow. No. No. Now, you must be strong Y/N. "Its just me. Your Daddy was looking for you, and couldn't find you! It got him worried!"

"I... I don't wanna see Daddy. He hurt Mommy." Kathy doesn't remove her hands from her face, and stays firmly by the wall- too far away for anyone to grab. My heart sinks.

Slowly straightening up again, I try to take that piece of information in. Turning to the doorway, I see Freddy there. he must have followed me. I didn't even notice. Slowly, and quietly ferociously, I say; "She saw?!"

He has the good sense to look embarrassed, even if it is just to make fun of me. "It was spur of the moment... " He shrugs. "I didn't have time to get a babysitter!"

What a fucking excuse. For gods sake.

I'm definitely dealing with a psycho- if that was even a question before now.

Swiftly, I look down under the bed again, because I'm afraid that if I continue to engage with him- I'll scream, and I'll lose my breath, and I'll scare Kathy even more. She's at the forefront of my mind; That's all I can think about.

But what to do with her after I get her out from under this bed, I don't know. I cant give her back to her father... but I cant hand her over to the police either because that would involve telling them about Loretta, and... Freddy will definitely kill me, for that.

This is a nightmare of a situation.

I'm just opening my mouth to say something - what, I don't know yet, - when she speaks, instead. "Is he there?"

"... Yes." I wont lie to her; That would be treating her with not nearly as much respect as she deserves.

When she takes a deep breath and rubs her eyes, as if just trying to keep herself together, my heart clenches. God... and to think I might not have picks up Freddy's call today. I would have been leaving her with this. For the first time today, I'm morbidly glad I came.

She speaks in that loud, hissy way that kids think is a whisper. "Can he... can you please make him go away?"

Immediately I straighten back up and look to Freddy again, my eyebrows raised halfway up my forehead. Like well? "Get out."

"I don't think you're in a position to make demands here, bi- "

"Do you want Kathy to live down there now!??" I snap, trying not to be scared. Not really feeling scared, actually. Just happy to have a reason to tell him to get the hell away from me.

A deep frown creases his mouth, deeply unhappy about the situation, but steps back. I only hear him step out of the way of the door, but its good enough. Quickly, I get up and close the door - fighting with myself not to slam it, - and lock it.

Then I return to the floor, and see this time Kathy has uncovered her eyes. She looks so small, smaller then she actually is, and she looks like she's shaking. Little red bows and piggy tails in her hair are messy from crawling under the bed. "He's gone, sweetheart. And I locked the door."

She just nods, so I take the silence as a chance to offer my hand to her. "Take my hand, sweetie? Come on out from under the bed. Its cold down there, and no one wants you getting sick." I need to upkeep the family friend bit, I need to sound caring and collected. I need her to trust me.

Her big eyes, not Loretta's colour or Freddy's, look nervous as hell. And she shakes her head.

Taking a deep breath, and I conjure all the sincerity as I can. And mean it. My eyes soften and I try really hard, to resent myself as someone trustworthy- which is hard, seeing as I've never really been that. I mean, I'm cheating on my husband. I told Carter today the same lie I told Harrison when i knew I was going to be late. The only person I think who knows the truth behind all my lies is Freddy. That says something about a person, that the only person who knows them is a psychopath.

But I want to, I need to, be good for this little girl. And there's no time for me turn my life around so it has to start with this. How fucked is that?

"... I promise, I'll take care of you. He wont hurt you."

After a few whole minutes, in which I stay silent because yes she's a child, but she's still thinking, she crawls over and takes my hand, letting me lead her out. Crawling into my lap as I cross my legs under her, she buries her face in my shirt- hiding. "You promise?"

Taking a deep breath, because I've really done it now, I offer my pinky for her to see if she turned her head. I know Freddy's listening to all of this through the wall, but I try not to freak out. "Pinky swear?"

"Pinky swear." She peaks out from my shirt, and curls her little finger around mine. Okay... "Y/N... I'm scared."

"Yeah... Me too, sweetie."

What am I going to do?

#Freddy Krueger x Fem!Reader #Freddy Krueger x Reader #Slashers #Slashers x Reader #Fem Reader #Freddy Krueger #Loretta Krueger #Katherine Krueger #Kathrine Krueger #Maggie Burroughs #Oneshot #Freddy Krueger x Reader Oneshot

[rataltouille]

HOUSE PLANTS, UPDATE 7

[novel intro can be found here]

HEY ACTUALLY I FINISHED THIS BOOK!

i don't want to get too sentimental [watch me proceed to get sentimental] but this book means a lot to me and i really could NOT have done it without the support of the wonderful folks on writeblr. the writing community is kind of the reason i even started this novel so it means a lot to me that i’ve met so many of y’all here. this is my first ever novel and i’m so glad i was able to make it so far! here are the final stats:

TOTAL WORD COUNT: 81,049 words.

STARTED: april 17, 2020

FINISHED: january 28, 2021

AVERAGE CHAPTERWISE WC: 3242

NUMBER OF CHAPTERS: 25

NUMBER OF TIMES LILITH SNAPS: 2

NUMBER OF TIMES LILITH SUFFERS: you know it’s too much to count.

the last month of writing this novel was so mixed. like before i hit the 70k mark i’d just been slogging through the novel, feeling uninspired and bored of the story. and then january hit and i was like. wait a minute. my deadline to finish it was the 31st of january. and so i basically startled myself into drafting again and then hit another wc milestone and that motivated me?? so much??? like i remember that drafting the penultimate chapter took me a pretty long time but it was so enjoyable because i was genuinely liking what i was writing and that hadn't been happening for the past few months. and then i wrote the entirety of the last chapter [it’s a vignette so it’s pretty short] for an hour until 1 am in my bed with the lights off and boom. it was such an experience. what makes it even more fun is that i’d drafted 75% of the book in my bed with the lights off at 1 am so this was such a nice full circle moment.

i’m also a little insane from all that lack of sleep but it’s okay we don't talk about that.

excerpts:

chapter twenty-one

this one’s a mix of the weirdest and most broad emotions. there’s a funeral in town, willow’s acting shadier than usual, lilith and juniper finally kiss, etc. etc. literally a rollercoaster. also it’s important that you guys know they kissed in a graveyard. nothing’s more romantic than that amirite.

Residual— that’s how we all felt. Just shells that wash away right before they touch land. We lingered like sleep at dawn, like medicine rimming the lip of cough syrup bottles, like fingerprints on fresh glass. There wasn't a permanence in the way we persisted, because eventually, one leaves their nest. They untether from the source in pursuit of the world. How would a dead girl do that? She won’t reside on the fringes of life like a bad dream.

god this prose is so depressing. even i’m getting sad over it and i’m literally an emotionless husk of a person. hey but the description slaps so enjoy.

also if you’ve noticed i’ve been sharing excerpts less and less in the updates despite the chapters being longer on length [these chapters average at like. 5k words] and that’s because i’m finding it harder to share stuff that doesn’t need context / isn't spoilery.

chapter twenty-two

ah yes the angstiest chapter, probably. something happens to willow that lilith blames herself for and this kicks off the final cluster of events that lead to the climax. i love this chapter because lilith gets angry [but at the wrong person aka herself] and we get to see this side of her she always tries to hide!! another thing that happens is that her garden withers so that’s a fun trip

My garden could have been a fallen kingdom. The ferns were rotting from under the flap, their spores gone. Gardenia blooms had split with their petals discarded like an evening gown all around the pots. The mint had binary fissioned and lay in shreds, the jasmine wilted and spread. All of them like war dolls, casualties of my ignorance, beyond saving.

poor garden :/

chapter twenty-three

this chapter. exists i guess. ISDNJSDUH i sound so disillusioned but essentially this chapter was supposed to end on a the ✨big reveal✨ that the book has been leading up to but then something. happened. and i had to move that into the next chapter and so nothing actually happens in this one! like it’s all important things and we’re setting up tension but overall it’s the least eventful of the final story arc.

We stepped together into our house; it had been abandoned for a day but was the exact same. Dust hadn't suddenly piled up in the threshold, sticking to our soles. The air hadn't musted over in the house’s grieving for its sole occupants. The bathtub was still filled. The water skimmed the floor, and I’d decided. I’d stay with you for the whole week, the fortnight, the month, the year. I’d stay inside with you, because me leaving the house, me choosing to spend any second of my life without caring for you, was a mistake. I’d always seen you as fragile, quiet like moth wings and just as delicate. Maybe I’d needed to feel I was protector just as much as I thought you needed me.

i really like this excerpt because it’s very simple and light in terms of prose but also the implications and that purposeful telling at the end really stick with me. exposing lilith since 2k20.

As morning rose the next day, like a curtain lifting, the sun picked itself up from the horizon, shattering cloudlines in a bright, orange glow. The skies got clearer by the hour as summer sauntered in again. Already the habits of my grounding were kicking in; my circadian rhythm bounded to my outside, too, as I instinctively scheduled and compartmentalized my daily life. First, wake up, check on you. Finish chores while making sure you’re alright. School, eaten with worry, but you're capable and you’ll call if you need help. Home, count your pulse as you inevitably slumped in plush sleep— at the coffee table, at the bathtub, in Aunt Hailey’s chair (rare), in your bedroom (rarer). You’d wake for dinner and read until the lights begin to dim and your eyesight tripped. You’d doze off for the rest of the night. Your internal clock was more functional, more efficient, than mine.

obligatory rhythmic everyday life excerpt that's reminiscent of 2020.

chapter twenty-four

THE PENULTIMATE CHAPTER! THE LONGEST CHAPTER!! THE ONE WHERE SHIT GOES DOWN!!! [can you tell it’s my fave chapter]

this took me two whole weeks to draft [it’s around 7.2k words] but it was so enjoyable the whole time!! there’s something so satisfying about making the quiet character, the one who never express anger, finally snap. so satisfying. lilith is actually pretty feral in this and we all stan. it also has a lot of simpler yet more sharp prose? if you know me you know that repetition is literally my favourite device ever. i overuse repetition it’s actually insane. and this one has a lot of that, but in a way that isn't annoying, and i really enjoyed writing it!!

I’d never been in your bathtub before. You haunted the room and it was always yours; I didn’t consider running the tap for myself. Maybe your going out prompted me this time. The water was so high it sloshed over the lip of the tub. The floor was slick like eels’ skin. My skin was blue with cold; the chill gummed my cheeks and ears and I shivered. My reflection stared at me in hatred, the features warped and pulled like taffy. I half-floated, a ghost in liminal space, and the walls were choked with water lines and flower patterns. With my body invaded by alien frost, with the ceiling low and cruel and ready to crush, I cowered. How did you do this every day? Did the clothes make the difference?

lilith’s going through it again ft. willow’s bathtub.

after this it’s a lot of incredibly spoilery stuff!! like the prose slaps but it’s too many spoilers to share. but have another description of the heaviness of midnight because i’m obsessed with that aesthetic

The lock clicked behind me. Silence descended like birdsong and I was paralysed, stuck at the two half-stairs that led to the outer path, stuck at the threshold of no return. My body shook. All around me was nighttime, gooey and heavy. I was unfurling, like a rose, step after step, pushing past the gate and onto the road. The wind was so cold it frosted my tears.

btw the chapter does not end on lilith crying she kind of has a girlboss moment and snaps massively [i mean after all she’s been through she deserves it] and then the main story aka the fictive past ends.

chapter twenty-five

the final chapter, which also happens to be a vignette chapter and is thus set in the fictive present! it’s very short and is only one tiny scene but it really ends on the perfect tonal quality for the novel. i can't share any excerpts because it really is very short so! have this iconic screenshot i took as soon as i finished the draft instead:

[also if you were wondering yes i did type the entire novel [and basically everything i write] on my ipad because i don't own a laptop]

and that really is it! this was such an incredible journey and i’m so excited to share more of my newer writing and upcoming projects with y’all. it feels so weird that this really is the last time i’ll be making official posts about this novel. truly the end of an era.

house plants taglist: @discreet-writer @mp-golfin @jaydewritesfiction @writer-in-monochrome @magnus-s-writes @firesidefantasy @sugarlessbubblegum @theoldcity @n1ghth4wkz @remi-writes-sometimes @suninks @dreamybellatrixanvm @camusbf @fablemancy @isherwoodj @svpphicwrites @spillme @sunwornpages @bijouxs @asadlitficwriter @bookphobe @sirius-xthem @carlyiswriting @hekat-ie

general taglist: @lovingyou-is @haldimilks @andiwriteunderthemoon @coffeeandcalligraphy @shaelinwrites @tuoyu @charles-joseph-writes @eklavvya @wolf-oak @bitterwitchwrites @laughtracksonata @whatwordsdidnttouch @indeliblewrites @thenataliawrites @illimani-gibberish @sienna-writes @jennawritesstories @chloeswords @aelenko @keira-is-writing @cherylinanika @infinitely-empty-pages @jmtwrites @august-iswriting @sarahkelsiwrites @freedelusionbanana

tumblr is being. really really annoying and wont let me edit on the browser so i’ve got the 50 mentions per post mobile thing to deal with. the rest of the taglist will be tagged in a reblog!

#writeblr #am writing #crabappletracking #wtwcommunity #atlastracking #ofcolourtracking #house plants #house plants update #everybody say “goodbye house plants” as i yeet willow off a good somewhere #just ignore how i’ve actually finished the book and this update is a month late please and thank you <3

[bakugousbabygirl]

Toxic Aizawa Headcannons

genre: angst i guess?

pairings: aizawa x fem!reader

cw: || cheating || jealousy || cursing || manipulation || overall toxicity ||

A/N: this is kinda short, but i might do more of these and make them longer and add scenarios at the end. idk

SFW

• he's a scorpio.....that shit is toxic enough on it's own lmao

• but fr everyone seems to have this image he's a patient caring man and i mean he is, with his students

• but you? no

• you're an adult, you should just GET things but you don't which frustrates him beyond belief

• you're his partner, not his student he shouldnt have to baby you

• i also feel like aizawa has a thing for younger women, he's 31 and he likes his women in their early to mid 20's

• i feel like that isn't inherently toxic but the way he uses your younger age against you most definitely is

• when you get in an argument he throws it in you face calling you childish and stating how he should've just dated someone his own damn age

• shota definitely prioritizes his job over you, will stay out late at night patrolling. he will stand you up on dates to go to hero meeting and even be gone for weeks on missions without contacting you

• luckily toshinori and hizashi are nice men knowing how their colleague and friend is so they send you updates about him to keep your mind at ease

• this causes a lot of fights. he questions you on why you're talking to his friends, he wants you to stay out of his personal life. you try to rationalize with him that you are apart of his personal life and needs to start acting like it. if he's gonna be gone for long you tell him the least he could do is give you a heads up

• he argues back that you should just KNOW if he hasn't shown up he's gone for hero work and should be content with that. he tells you that you KNOW what you were signing up for when you started dating so why are you trippin now.

• he never yells but his tone becomes really harsh and his words cut like blades tearing you apart cutting you down until you feel so belittled that your argument isnt worth it anymore making you grow quiet

• he'll glare at you and make a few snide remarks before leaving like a upset father after scolding his daughter

• definitely avoids you afterwards, i mean he doesnt come home for a solid 2 weeks after and you dont get any updates from hizashi and toshinori because he told them to but out of his business

• when he comes back he pretends as if nothing ever happened, he already said what he had to say. why rehash it? and if you're really still hurt it's just gonna reinforce the fact he thinks you're childish and thinks he should've dated someone his own age

• speaking of people your own age if he catches you texting or hanging out with a guy your age he's gonna be pissed

• "what am i not good enough for you, you think i'm too old or something!?"

• like no bruh we were just having a friendly conversation what's your deal, PLEASE get over whatever complex you have dude

• I feel like aizawa would definitely judge the way you dress lmao

• with alternative fashion coming back in style you have a stab at it and start dressing like an e-girl because it's the easiest look to manage

• aizawa laughs his ass off at you saying how that isn't true alternative fashion and calls you a poser

• yeah yeah aizawa is a fuckin gate keeper, you can't tell me he wasn't emo back in the day

• tells you to change and never dress up like that again because it makes you look like some cheap cam girl

• if you ever try to walk away when hes scolding you he will use his scarf to tie you up making you sit down and admit you're wrong

• he's the type to stress that communication is key but doesn't communicate himself

• its more like he talks and you listen if you haven't gotten that by now

• he refuses to open up to you and keeps you 100% separated from his work and personal life

• probably makes fun of your trauma, nothing too fucked up like if your parents are dead or anything. hes not that much of a douche, but if its something like your sister use to lock you in the dark cold cellar at night and told you a monster was gonna get you he'd definitely laugh

• would even go as far as locking you in the basement closet to see how you'd react

• also gaslight you using your age against you saying how he knows more because he's older

NSFW

• wanna start this off by saying aizawa is defo cheating on you with midnight lmao take that how you want but he is

• when you catch him he just says it's not that serious and it just happened because they have history together and shes more mature and experienced. he said it wont happen again so why cant you get over it, stop being so childish

• i have a feeling he'd probably complain about how annoying you are to her during pillow talk 😹😹

• he's the type to keep a straight face when you're giving him sloppy toppy to give the illusion that you're underperforming and can't satisfy him but in reality his toes are curling and he's doing his best to hold back his moans because your head game is out of this world

• definitely is the dominant one and he'd laugh in your face at even the slightest mention of you taking over ( he does let midnight dom him tho😒)

• it was this one time where you asked could you ride him so he allowed it, you got on top of him and just when you were getting into the groove of it he rolled his eyes flipped you over and growled in your ear saying to never waste his time like that again

• when you try to initiate sex with him laughs at your cute efforts of trying to seduce him saying he's too old for that stuff to be appealing to him

• he'd use sex to take out all his frustrations on you

• it seems hot but not the way he does it, he'll have you in his lap infront of a mirror as he pounds into you while degrading you

• it starts off cute and light with just calling you things like his pathetic kitten but then the insults start getting a little too real saying how he could go find a better girl with a cunt just as tight as yours who doesn't annoy him and how you're such a bitch and you can't nag at him now that you're stuffed with his cock

• yeah needless to say you start crying and hit his ass with the safe word making him stop and he just rolls his eyes and mutters to himself about how the younger generation is so sensitive and kinda just....leaves you there to mope

• also yeah theres never any aftercare even after particularly rough scenes like that he just showers then goes to bed and expects you to do the same

• and it's not like he doesn't know with aftercare is, i mean he's banging midnight our bdsm queen he knows what aftercare is but just doesn't see you as important enough to be that intimate with

• if you do something that turns him off during the middle of sex and kinda just pushes you off of him and goes to sleep on the couch and won't have sex with you for a while

• drags himself at all types of late nights and early mornings crawling into bed with you whole you're still sleep and kisses you're shoulder saying to himself outloud "i'll do right by you one day"

#aizawa smut #aizawa sensei #aizawa imagine #aizawa x you #shoto aizawa #bnha aizawa #aizawa x reader #mha fandom #mha fanfiction #mha angst #mha #mha x y/n #mha x reader #bnha angst #bnha fanfiction #bnha #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #aizawa headcanons #mha drabble #mha blog

[diavolosthots]

Hi! I saw that your requests were open! Could you do something where Mc comforts Mammon or Asmo when they are feeling particularly bad about themselves? Kinda angsty and fluffy? Love your writing!

I'm feeling this right now so it's time to tackle this mess. Mammon is a fan favorite but I thought Asmodeus might be more interesting

Warning: angst, a lot of self doubt.

Sometimes You isn't Enough ( ASMODEUS X GN!READER )

You had never seen him like this. So secluded. So gloomy. So introverted. It's kind of sad, really. The usual bubbly demon was turned into nothing more than a glob of sadness and the worst part is, no one knew why. He didn't try to openly show it. He still made jokes and looked cute, but when he thought people looked away, even just for a second, his facade immediately dropped and it was hard to be picked up again. Like a mask that was sitting too heavily on his face.

Satan had said that he's probably depressed because someone won a beauty contest and that someone wasnt him. But really, you couldnt just brush it off as that. Asmodeus' feelings cant just be hurt from things like that. You're certain there was something else behind it. Something more. Bigger. Unexpected. But of course he would never openly talk about these things. As long as he put on a smile, the world was fine and no one needs to worry. Thats what he always says. Or at least thinks. To an extent, you understood that mindset, and you knew all too well the urge to bury it deep inside and never speak of it; the urge to be silent and deal with it yourself. But it's hard. And at some point, anyone bursts.

"Asmo?" You knocked on his door, determined to get it out of him. To get him to open up, because as much as you wouldn't want to bother anyone, you also know that you cant keep it inside forever because it kills, slowly, but surely. "Darling!" He seemed way too happy opening the door but you quickly noticed his grin didn't reach his eyes. You gave a quick smile and brushed past him, not bothering with formalities or beating around the bush. "Asmodeus. Talk to me." He looked at you, raising an eyebrow and slowly closing the door, "I'm always willing to talk to you, you know that." "do I know that?" You flopped down on his bed, patting the space next to you, "come sit with me." "Just sit?" He winked at you and for a moment, things seemed normal; they seemed easy.

"Just sit and talk." You turned to him, trying to take him in. He didn't carry himself as well as he usually did and his posture was actually kind of slumped over instead of the elegance he usually carried. "Asmo... You don--" "I know." He was still smiling, taking your hand in his, "I know what youre thinking. I dont look or act the same. I'm not, but I'll be fine. Dont worry." You frowned in response, knowing damn well that he's far from fine and that it will take longer than a night to sleep it off, or whatever.

"No." Now he was frowning. "What?" You pulled your hand back, crossing your arms over your chest, "I said no. Youre not fine and you probably wont be for a while. This has been going on for weeks, Asmodeus. Do you really think no one notices? You're not fine and i wont accept you brushing me off like that." It was silent after that, both of you just staring at each other although you noticed his eyes getting sadder and sadder. He quickly wrapped his arms around you and threw you back on the bed, burying his face in your neck, "A-Asmo!! This is not the tim--!" "I cant tell you. Or anyone. You'll think I'm silly, or dumb, or its unjustified. You'll think I'm another Levi with body and personality issues. I cant tell you, especially you (Y/N), because I don't want you to see how much I'm crumbling inside. " he took a deep breath, pushing his face closer against your skin, which was starting to heat up from the close proximity of him against you.

"I dont... Feel good. About myself. I haven't for a while now. At first i thought I just needed a wardrobe change, you know? Some cute new clothes, some sexy lingerie to spice things up..." He laughs quietly at himself, feeling the years start to form, "b-but... It's not that. I dont feel good in my soul. Funny thing to say, huh? A demon and his soul... I dont look in the mirror and get impressed. I look in the mirror and compare. I look at Beelzebub's body and get jealous of how he looks, or Satan's intelligence and realize how truly dumb I am. I look at all of my brothers, doing these amazing things, and realize I'm falling short.... What do I have? A plastic personality with a narcissistic disorder..."

You heard him get quiet, clinging tightly to you as he hid the tears that started falling in your hair. Slowly, you wrapped your arms around him, pushing him closer against you. "I'm nobody, (Y/N).... I dont have what they have... Im useless to my family, to you... To myself..." You squeezed him tighter at that, stroking over his back and feeling him start to shake.

"You're not--" "i dont want you to tell me I'm not... I just want you to... Hold me..." You nodded silently, staring up at his ceiling while you caressed over his back. You get it. Its not always words that you need and you know all to well that the people that held you were far more precious than any words you ever heard. So you held him, your mind racing with things to say because you needed him to know, and believe, that hes so much more than that. He wasnt okay and he most likely hasnt been for a long time. All these things build up inside of him over millennia and you could only imagine how much pain it has caused him. He's not okay. But you hoped he will be.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #asmodeus obey me #asmodeusobeyme #shall we date asmodeus #asmodeus avatar of lust #asmodeus x mc #obey me asmodeus #asmodeus x reader

[iamslikesjatp]

Space heater boyfriend

Inspired by the silly- Luke has stupid armholes and Julie has cold hands conversation

They’d been dancing around each other for ages, doing their jokey flirting and still acting like friends- they’d push each other off the couch to get to the first piece of pizza. Luke was always Julies first target if handed a nerf gun - his orange beanie needing to meet its foam counterpart. 

But there were these moments when the world was too big or too complicated and Julie sat with Luke until he stopped fighting with his brain for the day. And there were days when Julie got overwhelmed with all the changes going on around her at once. So Luke would sit with her and watch films they loved as kids. Both of them knew what it meant, these two people, seemingly intertwined; but they where content not changing anything. Instead, they would return to pointing at diagrams in biology textbooks of peat bog mummies, leaning over with a smile and a “look, they’ve got a photo of you in here!”

As the year moves on the weather starts to cool down. Julies circulation is notoriously poor. Every Christmas a loving relative hands her a pair of socks, and every Christmas her smile is genuine. She's known to cling hard to cups of tea and never leave home without gloves from November onwards, despite the year round sun of LA.

Luke on the other hand, Luke may have been able to warm a small building with the amount of heat he gave off. On many occasions Julie and Luke had stood together in some line or another, her hands clasp in between his as she warmed them up, wiggling her fingers in attempt to regain feeling. Julie sometimes thinks its actually rather offensive, Luke’s body heat. That it, paired with his hatred for sleeves, is nearing on personal bullying in her opinion.

Julie gets up from the piano bench, as Luke prattles away about some maths concept or another (that he wont admit to liking to anyone but the band, lest people start to expect it of him). She steps towards him. She gently takes his arm and spins him so he is facing her. Luke smiles softly, thinking that Julie is ready to start writing for the day. Instead, she stills him, slots her arms into his sleeves, presses her hands onto his smooth warm back, presses her face into his chest, and smiles.

His cut off tops always seem to taunt her frozen joints, boasting they're functioning circulation with glee, but today she is stuck on them. She watches him as he packs his school work into his bag. They had an agreement- she’d write with him if he would start one school task- he didn’t even have to finish it, but he had to give a good faith shot a starting it, that way at least something got done. 

Julie didn’t really spent much time thinking about Luke’s body. He was solid and warm- always had been, and she knew what people at school thought of him. But here in her garage, with his stupid large arm holes leaving half of his body on display- she took her time to look at Luke- her Luke. His ribs, his back, his chest- she doesn’t think about it for very long.  But she is so cold. And he is so warm. And so Luke.

Julie laughs at him but doesn’t move or apologize. His back is smooth as she expected, she thought it would be weird to be able to feel his ribs but instead its just more of her Luke.  His shirt is soft under her cheek. Luke washes his clothes a lot because he sweats through things like nobodies business and can rival a toddler in a food spilling contest. But for Julie that means that he always smells  like his laundry detergent and dryer sheets. His head is a comforting presence above hers as they sway together. “Y’know, you could hire yourself out as a personal heater,” she quips.

Luke shrieks. 

“Julie! Julie what the fuck! Holy shit you’re freezing!” But he doesn’t actually wiggle away from her. He wraps his arms around her and pulls her in, rocking gently. “Jules, give a guy some warning before you attempt to recreate a superhero origin story on him!”

“Not for anyone but you, my own personal heat leech.”

They keep standing like that as feeling returns to her fingers. Its quiet in the room until Luke breaks it softly.  

“Hey, Jules?” Julie looks up at him in question. 

“Does this mean anything?” She looks away, pressing her face back into his chest.

 “If you want it to mean something,” she mumbles her response. If he doesn’t hear her then he can’t reject her, can’t tell her that he doesn’t have time to deal with a relationship and that maybe later but not now. Instead- 

“I want it to mean something, do you want it to mean something?”

And this time when she pushes her face away from his and in to his chest, its to hide her blushing as she nods and smiles. 

No one is writing that day. Instead the two of them perform a clumsy two person waddle to the couch, refusing to let go lest Julie start her shivering again. And its on that couch, cuddled close, Julies hand in Luke's stupid arm holes and Luke’s arms tucked around her that they spend the rest of the evening giggling, and watching films like they did when they were kids. These two people, always intertwined.

#julie and the phantoms #julie and the himbos #juke #luke patterson #julie molina #jatp fic #I'm soft and cold #its time to yearn bois #enjoy this my prettys #also please reblog and throw me a follow if y'all remember #gabrielle writes

[theunconcernedembalmer]

ok i got the aesvic out of my system now time to pick apart the letter n why i wont really be following aesops diary exactly here. literally no one asked but i wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere cos i have. a lot

just gonna put a quick rundown of aesops diary entry as a refresher (mostly for myself so i dont miss anything): he dreamt that he was helping jerry with what was probably a murder n was affirmed n he thinks its a sign congratulating him on carrying out his duty. over the years, he carries out his duties as an undertaker n comes to the manor looking for a “fresh start” aka what sounds like his first victim. according to aesop, said victim should be quiet, n potential victim number 1 is victor. something about badly needing him to become his “silent friend” n he mentions he’ll get to wick n the 2 other survivors in due time, but for now he’s very eager to start his “mission”.

im generally okay with the letter (i have seen so many fights over this aha) cos there is no surprise he wants to kill ppl (ppl who r fighting over this point. did u even read his deductions?? guy happily killed his mentor??). but i didnt quite like the fact that he still looks up to jerry (although. i guess thats valid i just. dont like it). i was also initially kind of confused about the real reason why he would want to kill ppl since as u progress through the letter it sounds less like he kills for duty (cos of the whole dream thing at the start) but more “because i want to :)”, which is an okayish edgy kinda take imo. like not that u cant characterize aesop as Kill Kill Murder Die, but i kinda find that. pretty boring in the long term.

im just gonna put what my original take on aesop was, like all of it. first off, he hates jerry. u cannot tell me a psychotic serial killer like that can raise a child without emotional trauma. like any child, this isnt even counting the extra damage done because hes autistic. (n i also hc that aesop has read his moms letter to him at some point, n he should have come to the conclusion that it was somewhat also jerrys fault, whether through logic or denial that his mom would want to leave him, so that just adds to it.) but as much as he hates him, his teachings are the only ones hes been exposed to, n its been so ingrained in him since young so even if he hates jerry he would still subscribe to whatever twisted ideology jerry was feeding him, which ill get to in a sec.

going through his accessories, he has that origami that he folds for each of his clients, n it shows that underneath it all, aesop is still kind. this isnt expected of him n its definitely not part of his job scope as an embalmer. he (still?) has the heart to wish the best for those that have departed n takes the time n effort to fold one for each n every client he sends off, which is probably a lot. so going off on that, my hc is that jerry, being the manipulative asshole that he is (who probably definitely manipulated his mom into indirect suicide) probably used his kindness against him to make him believe that by murdering ppl he is helping them, framing all of his serial kills as a sort of mercy kill (like his mom). so the thing that aesop takes away from all this is the very twisted logic that by killing ppl he is helping them, therefore being a good embalmer and a good person in general. n everyone wants to be a sort of good person, or at least for aesop that is part of his job description to be a good embalmer. n we all know aesop is very serious about his job.

i also hc that he has killed several ppl between killing jerry n coming to the manor, cos i follow the story that he took the invitation from that poor lady n thats how he ended up at the manor. surely the lady didnt come to him right after jerry died?? but anyway, the way i see it is that he thought he liked to kill. like he finally truly understood why jerry kills so much (which is interesting now that i think about it. guy really just went along with all those murders without truly believing huh), because it felt good to kill. at least thats what he thought, the revelation that killing felt good n is good, but i say its because he hated jerry, n offing someone u kinda hate should probably feel pretty gucci. n its also so much easier to pick clients off the streets than in the manor, so i would think that he has killed ppl like his mentor did, but each time he did the great feeling that came with ending ppls life just. wasnt as good as the first time round. it just became a sort of normal satisfaction of a successful embalming.

this can go two ways: 1. he keeps on killing to try to find that great feeling again, which is cool i guess (n probably what canon would want, except canon states that he hasnt killed since jerry), but id like to go with 2. he just stops because jerry isnt around to enforce it whenever he isnt feeling up to psychoing someone to their death (which is probably how jerry got his victims, n damn if that doesnt take a lot of mind games that i dont think aesop has the mental capacity for since half of it is fighting with his social anxiety n other issues. dealing with alive strangers?? no thanks?? i doubt he would have learnt properly how to lure in clients as efficiently as jerry because of this, mostly cos he was only needed for the murder afterparty aka embalming n funerals). n as much as he stays professional, there is no. professional way of gaslighting someone to their death.

(n also since ppl have pointed out that his twitter replies n other kinda informal stuff have shown that aesop does have reverent respect for life, which also adds to him not being so blindly bloodthirsty as implied in the letter. i dont really see the twitter replies as very canon, but it does make sense that he would come to revere life with his unique take and obsession over death, for one cannot exist without the other)

so this leads me to the motive that aesop brings to the manor, at least how i see it. he isnt exactly coming to the manor to kill per se (like from the very early story, he came to the manor to return the letter to a relative of the deceased lady, something about respecting her last wishes. something like that, its really been a while since i saw that exerpt), so like killing ppl isnt his main purpose of visit. its more of hes always on the lookout for weaker (or at least those that take less mind games to kill) people to mercy kill, n it just so happens that he knows the manor n his mentor almost died from there, so theres a pretty good chance he can find some ppl that fall into this category n so it just so happens that he also has a job to do there. its still counted as a Job for him since no ones gonna tell him that embalmers dont actually. murder. 

so in my version, aesop only tries to sway ppl that he knows he can convince, n these ppl would typically be those very sickly ones like his mom (andrew im looking at u) or those with an actual death wish/ very weak will to live. but here aesop is choosing his “first victim”, and the criteria for that is... quiet? never mind “not evading him” and “not cranky” being on the list too, but that isnt quite what i was expecting from someone so dedicated to their duty of murder. sure he wants an easy first kill, but like. i dont think its consistent if his motive was really to continue jerrys bastard legacy. especially when the next paragraph is essentially him gushing over victor, that... sort of implies something else. or at least in the way i see it, since i believe that canon wants us to think that aesop just really loves to kill.

aesop likes victor. very much so. so much till he wants to kill him. which i guess makes sense cos he likes death, n now he likes victor. so he just. puts the two things he likes together. whats better than victor? dead victor. anyway the rest of the letter is more like “whatever, i technically should kill the others too but my priority is victor” so like. he confuses his (dare i say) yandere tendencies with his duty since the end goal for both is a body in a coffin.

having said that. i know i have aesvic brainrot but i also know this is one sided as hell (at least from the letter alone, not counting the letter shaped cookies in his birthday art that apparently belonged to victors birthday cake aha) n lowkey alarming since. the goal is to kill victor. i kinda want to interpret it as him genuinely wanting to be friends with victor (really wanting him to be a “silent friend”, maybe cos he doesnt actually know how to be friends with living ppl n is better with dead ones? therefore victor should be dead to be friends?) but not knowing how to n throwing in his obsession with death ends up with. this minor disaster waiting to happen. but i uh. dont know if this is valid. its valid to me at least, with my original interpretation of aesop. n again cos of his ingrained professionalism, he also kinda sees this as part of his job to send ppl off, so its another plus. not for victor, tho.

idk if ill add this yandere side in my aesop. i mean my boi has technically tried to kill victor multiple times in the past HAHAHAHA. maybe like sometimes he can be a bit obsessive. as a treat. but generally nah cos thats definitely gonna end up in a murder somewhere somehow n i cant. just kill victors here on the ask blog scene lashjflkjhdlfkjhas

so yeah that kinda takes care of the last part of the letter, as for the first part. as much as aesop hates jerry, i would also think hes pretty starved for affirmation (like i said jerry isnt going to be a good parent figure ever) n i guess it makes sense if the only times jerry has ever complimented him was aiding him in his kills n hiding the evidence, which might (?) add to his desire to kill (but that probably dies with jerry aha). so the way i see it as aesop is getting affirmation n takes it as a good sign instead of. remotely liking jerry. idk if im stretching it a little but i really dont like the take where hes okay with jerry. anyway we are ignoring that he hasnt killed before entering the manor cos that doesnt quite make sense to me (i wasnt dreaming about the letter from a lady stabbed in the face 36 times or so right???? right???????)

im also not like. trying to defend him, im just trying to make sense of his diary. boi has issues n is a little too far gone (not as far as canon tho), in my take very deluded in his way of showing kindness. literally cool motive still murder (or in canon, just murder?), please get therapy. but i just dont really like the direction that the letter was originally trying to imply, with him really just hell bent on murder without like. a clear motive (at least to me it isnt very clear since the last part really doesnt sound consistent with his supposed intentions). i mean i love being edgy with aesop every now n then but i dont think it would make for meaningful characterizations in the long run so. ill still be sticking with my original take on aesop with maybe a bit of yandere for victor cos thats always fun

#unconcerned ramblings #mun rambles #its me the mun #im so sorry i talk so much. i was like Okay i should stop talking on my blog now. n then i didnt #i dont even know if this makes sense im still sleep deprived n tired as hell but i literally cant sleep cos this was bothering me so much #also cos i see a lot of ppl like. just nope the letter n somehow began to hate aesop after loving him as a character for so long. which is #interesting. cos this letter isnt exactly out of the blue. we been knew #just a few minor things that i disagree with. but generally i think it was an okay letter

[becomingbts]

OMG PLZ TELL ME SHE WONT END UP TOGETHER WITH THEM😭😭😭(literally crying rn like not laughing crying but literally crying,,, very angry and partially sad tears) PLZ AUTHOR PLZ😭😭😭 ,,I HATE THEM,,THIS CHAPTER JUST BROKE ME🥺🥺 like I don’t have sympathy for not one of them especially jimin, jk, namjoon, and tae,, Yoongi is the only one who I feel like deserves rights or I feel like I could stand a little at this point still dislike him a lot but at least the dude is self aware and understands the level of wrongness they did her, I’m loving how he is accepting the truth that he’s a piece of shit and not making it about himself like jk or feeling and acting like jimin, jimin is just so ughhh *chokes the air*,,and I like how hoseok and Jin just being quiet and not saying shxt, as they should, they know their place and it needs to stay that way if only the others could take some notes😭😭😭,,,but yeah they can all truly go to hell,, they literally made me so angry bro I think I hate jimin the most, that flashback literally broke me like I hate him he does not deserve any happiness in life like ever and he had the nerve to go up to her and try explain and save face and I was like NO ITS TOO LATE FOR THAT BUDDY UR GOING TO HELL LIKE THE REST OF THEM STOP THE ENTITLEMENT AND THE FALSE HOPE like I hate how he has the nerve to go to her concerts and feel like he should be heard out like does he rlly feel like he could fix this and have her listen to his side and all will be right and forgiven??? IS HE SERIOUS ????HES SUCH A DOUCH😡😡everything he does just irks me like he has no right,, NONE OF THEM DESERVE HER SHES BEEN THRU SM AND IS SO GOOD AND TALENTED😡😡😡 SHE DOESN’T DESERVE SCUMMY PEICES OF SHIT LIKE THEM IN HER LIFE😡😡😡,, plz I’m begging u🥺 I would rlly love it if u let her fall in love with raya or something & let her have the happy ending she deserves by herself or with someone or ppl other than the boys & find happiness without the boys, it would make such a beautiful story and lesson, lol fuck redemption and forgiveness and second chances at love,, or I would rlly love if she just forgave them and moved on but didn’t get together with them maybe they just went back to being strangers or became friends and that would just be the end of that, after what they did I just think she deserves better and they rlly don’t deserve to be with her,, especially after seeing what jimin did and reading jimin’s and Jks thoughts, it’s just not it, after that bitch gave her hope and left her for dead he has the nerve like wow what a fool🙄,,, but anyways,, most importantly this chapter was amazing💜, Ur literally so talented, THANK U THANK U FOR SHARING THIS STORY WITH USS LIKE IM LITERALLY IN LOVE AND LOOK FORWARD TO ALL UR UPDATES💕✨

I MEAN JKSDKSHDJ HELLO ANON HAHAHA

I kinda already spoiled that a redemption arc would happen;;; IM SORRY THO, I HOPE YOU'LL LIKE IT NONETHELESS! ksjksj

Yoongi a precious bean, he's just dealing with trauma as best as he can to be honest TT NO BUT I AGREE THOUGH, THEY DON'T DESERVE HER LOOOL Jimin can rot , JK is well, a soft bun, BUT STILL SELFISH LOL Namjoon and Tae can leave, idc, Seokie and Hobi at least know to remain quiet, we can give that to them.

Jimin is entitled asf, he knows that what he's doing is wrong but he cannot help it, he's just,,,, frustrating asf LOL

On a side note though, I did ponder a lot before starting this story because I personally believe that what they did is not forgivable. Like, would OC be me, I'd probably never forgive them, whether they meant to hurt or not. However, as I started writing it, it made sense to me that I truly wanted to have traumatized characters while they also have a heavy history, and this history doesn't make them good people. If anything, it makes despicable and really raw. Maybe when you'll hear more from some of their sides, you'll understand how I came to feel that way, but I truly thought of making her fall in love with Raya (actually, my very first draft was that Raya and her were both together when the bonding with JK happened, but it made way too much drama with Raya being jealous, Raya needing to accept JK whether she wanted it or not etc.)

I'm pretty happy with the ending I have in mind, and I do hope that even if it doesn't really fit your idea, you'll come to like it nonetheless TT Though I'm also thinking of maybe doing a spin-off with a Raya ending, so we'll see if this happens one day!!

Thank you so much bub, I can't explain how happy everyone's enthusiasm makes me TT I really hope you won't be too disappointed with OC's choices, I'm trying to find a good balance between her character and my own personality because I don't want to give her the same ending as the one I chose for myself.

I LOVE YOU TAKE CARE ✨✨✨ PLEASE DON'T BE TOO UPSET WITH THE ENDING KSLJDKSJ

[words-for-holland]

Quarantine Series: Silence is Golden?

Pairing: Tom Holland X Reader

Summary: Tom and Y/N don’t get into a lot of fights, but this one will leave you speechless...literally.

Check the Rest: Burnt Out | A New Look | Secret Cuts & Kisses | Breaking Friendships |The Birthday Week | Movie Night

A/N: Hey! Did you know I created a Masterlist?! You can view here (X)!

Every couple has their good and bad days. Some people will even say it’s healthy to have a little dispute once and awhile. For Y/N and Tom, the bad days just kept on coming. Maybe it was due to the work piling up on Y/N’s plate lately, or the fact that Tom was stressing about going to Berlin in 2 weeks for his work. Either way, both of them were under pressure, and with everything going on, it’d be no surprise that even the smallest things would irritate them.

“Tom I told you to put your luggage off to the side. One of us is going to trip with all this shit in our room.” Y/N scolded as she pushed the black luggage to the side of wall.

Tom was sitting in bed, rolling his eyes at his fiance’s comment and went back to focusing on his script. “Well, maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal if you just cleaned the room every weekend like you were supposed to do.” He grumbled as he highlighted his lines.

“I was working the entire weekend. I told you I had a huge release to prep for and last time I rememebered I’m your fiance not your maid. It wouldn’t kill if you could just do some of the chores in the house instead of having me, Harry, Harrison, or Tuwaine do it for you.” She argued, glaring down at Tom with her arms crossed. “Just cause your some hot shot celebrity doesn’t mean you can just sit there and do jack shit.”

Tom looked at her with surprise and anger. He just about had it up to here with her nagging. Tom loves Y/N, but sometimes, like tonight, she was really getting on his nerves, and the next few things he says to her were not so pretty. “Can you just shut up?! You’re always telling me what to do, what not to do, to stop doing this and stop doing that, and god the never-ending chatter that comes out of your mouth.” He spits out not even paying attention to how Y/N was reacting. “Some people actually do prefer some peace and quiet. God, I really can’t wait to go to Berlin just so I don’t have to hear that god awful nagging of yours.” Tom shakes his head as he looks back at his script, until he realized what just came out of his mouth...complete and utter bullshit that he didn’t mean.

It was Y/N’s turn to be surprised. In fact she was speechless, not really knowing what to say to his rant. It hurt a lot, as if her heart had just broken in a million pieces. If there was one thing you needed to know about Y/N, it was that she valued everyone’s view and opinion of her. So, you can best believe that if someone had a problem with her, she would not take it lightly. When it comes from the person you love the most...well...one can’t even begin to fathom how much it could hurt.

Tears were forming and streaming down her eyes, as small sniffles start to escape. Her tiny hands balling up into a fist. She wasn’t just upset, she was furious. “Well, if thats how you feel then, I don’t know why you’d want to be with a person that doesn’t shut up...Cause clearly I’m not good enough.”

Tom starts to sit up on the bed and lean towards her, trying to apologize profusely, but it was a lost cause that couldn’t be taken back. She runs out of the room with her stuff as she moves to the guest room to cry herself to sleep. Tom stays in their bedroom as he looks up at the ceiling with a disappointed face. “What have I done?” He whispers to himself, only praying they would be able to make up in the morning.

The next day, Tom wakes up extra early to prepare a ‘Sorry I’m such a div. Please forgive me’ breakfast with chocholate chip pancakes, bluerberry smoothies, and apple turnovers from her favorite coffeshop in London. And if that wasn’t enough...he had also brought her a bouquet of red roses. He awaited for her to come down, with everything set. As the boys came by to eat their share of the breakfast, Y/N comes down to akward silence. Everyone staring at her and Tom standing in the middle smiling with flowers in hand.

“Morning Y/N.” The boys say in unison.

“Morning boys...Tom.” Y/N mumbes the last word as she makes her way. They continue to talk and eat amongst themselves as Y/N looks for a seat to sit at, but sadly the only one available is the one next to Tom. He looks at her with his brown puppy dog eyes, silently pleading for her to sit next to him. Y/N gets the message as she rolls her eyes, and tales the seat. He present her the flowers once again, smiling off his boyish charm. “Darling, Im so sorry for the way I acted I didn’t mean it. Please don’t be mad at me. I love you so much.”

Y/N takes the flowers and nods, as she goes back to her breakfast. She ate rather quickly as to make sure she didnt have to deal with anyone and went straight back to the guest room. Tom slouches in his seat, sighing in defeat. “Great the silent treatment.” He says out loud.

“Damn, Tom you must have really fucked up.” Tuwaine said as he took a bite of his pancakes.

“Yeah mate, what did you do?” Harrison asked, intrigued by his best friend’s dilemma.

“You couldn’t hear them? They fought because Tom couldnt do a simple job and then called Y/N a talkative nagging piece of work” Harry answered him, stifiling a laugh. “Im sure the whole world could have heard him.”

“You also forgot, how he said he’d rather be in Berlin than be here with her.” Tuwain mentioned.

Tom glares at his younger brother and Tuwaine, giving them a good shove on the shoulder. “Hey, don’t be mad at me. I’m not the one that had to get his shit together.” Harry defends taking his last bite.

“What do I do? She wont even talk to me and I went through all this work to apologize to her.” Tom asks as he stares at the floor solemnly. “I don’t want her to be mad at me.”

“I don’t know mate. Maybe just earn her trust again. Im sure youll both work it out...you always do.” Harrison reassures him as he makes his way to wash the dishes.

Later that night, Tom passes by Y/N as she makes her way to the bathroom across their bedroom. Tom tried his best to set up the bed as if she was staying with him, fluffing the pillows, pulking down the comforters, and turning up the AC. As Y/N finishes up, she sees him standing at the edge of the bed, waiting for her to join him. “Please? I cleaned up the room and gave you your favorite pillow because you know you cant sleep without it.” He pleads, pouting with his lower lip sticking up.

Y/N looks at the tidy room and the pillow he left her. She smiles when she takes notice of the the one pillow with flowers and ripped edges. It was her favorite pillow since she was 5 and sworn to everyone that it was the only pillowcase she could ever sleep peacefully in. With the thought and gesture Tom made today, Y/N figured it was the least she could do, though it didn’t mean he was forgiven compeltely yet. Tom smiles at his first victory as he climbs in the bed with her. He tries to snuggle closer and wrap his stron arm across her waist, whispering “I love you and I really am sorry.”

Y/N wasn’t too comfortable getting this close still, and ultimately took his hand that was on her waist and dropped it to his side. Tom, felt a slight hinge of sadness when she did that. She never refused his cuddles and anytime they had a fight they would always make up before rhe end of the day. He sighs loudly in silence. Y/N turns around to face his back, and leans over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, which takes him by surprise. “I love you” she whispers, going back to her side of the bed.

The next day, Tom decides to take a quick trip to his parents house, who greet him with ipen arms. Though, both his parents, Paddy and Sam, notice the distress on his face. “What’s wrong son?” Tom’s mum asked with worry.

“Mum, Dad...I messed up.” He cries. “ I was just really stressed out this past week, with the movie, and the fans, and thinking about how I have to leave Y/N for Berlin...I-I- just said a lot of stupid things to her that I didnt mean.”

Tom’s mom rubs her son’s back as she tries to console him and calm his breathing. “There. There. Its going to be okay. You know Y/N loves you so much. Im sure you’ll both get through this.”

“That’s the thing mum. I don’t know if we can. She won’t even talk to me. I made her breakfast gave her flowers and even cleaned our room liek she asked me too. I don’t know what else to do to show her that I truly sorry.I told her I can’t wait to go to Berlin so I did have to hear her talk, but thats far from the truth. I don’t want to leave her when we’ve had all this time together.”

“Hmm...perhaps you should do the things that she doesn’t ask you to do. You know Y/N is also stressed with her job as well, she might not have time to get around to all the things that need to be done. Also tell her how you really feel besides that you’re sorry and you love her. You know both of you have had a hard week and there’s a lot of feelings bottled up inside. Just be honest with your feelings. I know you didn’t mean it and Im sure she knows too.”

Tom smiles at the last sentence, realizing the two haven’t really committed to the rules they promised each other, be honest and communicate with each other. “You’re right, Mum. I cant even remember the last time we really talked.” Tom got up up quickly whiping away the dry tears. “I’m gonna go make things right with Y/N. Thank you for everything. I love you.” Tom hugs his mother, before he makes his way ready to set things right.

As he pulls up to the house, Tom is ince again by the door with flowers in hand. Y/N sliently looks at him as she tilts her head curious as to why he’s on his toes...and with more flowers in hand. “Look you don’t have to say anything because I’m gonna be doing all the talking right now.”

Y/N looks at him in surprise, intrigued to hear what he has to say this time. “Y/N. Im know. im such a dumbass, clueless, and careless bloke who didn’t stop to think about your feelings and the things you wanted from me. I should have helped around more, I should asked how you were , and I definitely should have pushed my luggage to the side of the wall like you asked me too many times.” He says chuckling nervously. “And I know I fucked up, but Im really going to to try to make it an effort to listen more, and help you as much as I can. And Im so sorry for being so distant, I just I had a lot on my mind and the fact that I have to leave you, in two weeks when this has been the longest we’ve spent time together, it made me more sad.” Y/N looks at him with a sympathetic smile, almost ready to accept his apology. “So look, I know you’re probably still mad and everything, but Im really hoping this makes it up for you because I really do love you. Every single thing about you and theres only two more weeks before I leave and I want to spend every day, hour, minute, and second with you.”

There’s silence in the air as Tom looks into her eyes, trying to find some answer. “Every day, hour, minute, and second?” She questions him smiling. Tom’s face lights up with the brightest smile hes ever out on. He drops the flowers and hugs her even more tightly than he did with his mother, spinning her around. Nothing sounded better than hearing her laugh, it’s been far too long. He cups her face, kissing her passionately only to pull away and move the stray hairs from her face. Taking in every single detail of her face. “Yes. Ever day, hour, minute, and second..so lets not waste anymore time.” He grabs her hand as he rushed her to their room.

“Wait, wait, wait!” She yells with laughter. Tom sulks and groans, “Aw, what now?”

“You didnt even ask if I forgave you, yet?”

“Well...” Tom says pretending to think “Do you forgive me?”

Y/N looks at him, leaving a chaste kiss on his lips. “Of course I do.”

“Good. Now let’s go. Got to show you how much I appreciate and love you.” Tom smiles as he pulls her away.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @parkerspillow @joyleenl @kihyunwifes

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader

[nicknellie]

Context so people who haven’t seen Ghosts can still read and enjoy this: Alex is the ghost of a WWII Commanding Officer. In this fic he relives his army days before he died, telling Julie all about it, focusing on another soldier in particular - Lieutenant William Havers.

Sidenote for people who have seen Ghosts: Alex is the Captain, Julie is Alison (because I would pay real money for them to have a conversation like this in the show), and Willie is Havers.

This is the saddest thing I’ve ever written. I wanted to include Willex in the longer Ghosts AU I’m writing but I couldn’t find a natural way to fit it in so I wrote this as something completely separate. Every interaction between Alex and Willie is taken from BBC Ghosts and is very gay.

Here’s to Buried Secrets

Alex could remember it like it was yesterday. Late June in 1940 – hazy spring had bled into a dazed summer, his troops were getting restless after going on a year of work, and he was just about ready to lose his mind. That day had been one of startling revelations and hard-hitting truths, painful decisions that felt like betrayals, stagnant silences and hurt.

With the war dragging on endlessly, his troops had been getting complacent. They did critical work at their base, top secret and crucial to the war effort, but there were times where nothing would happen for days at a time and the troops would get bored. Their behaviour was beginning to waver, and though he wasn’t too against it overall (he understood why they were acting up, he was bored to death too) Alex had to do the right thing and set them straight.

“Now,” he said, “that brings me neatly to point sixteen. There is still a great deal of noise going on at night – laughing, giggling, horseplay. Now, we all get bored – that’s inevitable in our circumstances – but may I remind you, we are at war. I wo…”

He had let his sentence trail off. At that moment, the doors at the back of the room had swung open and in walked Willie. Lieutenant William Havers was Alex’s right-hand man and close friend. There couldn’t always be much room for friendships when at war, and living in such close quarters with everyone in the house could make bonding difficult, but there was something about Willie and Alex that had allowed them simply to click. They understood each other – they cared for each other. Perhaps a little too much.

“Ah, Lieutenant,” Alex greeted, interrupting his own speech.

Willie walked towards him, hand outstretched, holding a small, folded piece of paper. “Communique for you, sir, from HQ, marked urgent.”

“Ah,” Alex returned, taking the note. “Finally! This’ll be my requisition for a service revolver.”

Willie smiled gently as Alex unfolded the note, and Alex suppressed his own. But as soon as he read the note, there was no smile left to hide. This was that first striking blow, that devastating loss; the note brought with it the news of a surrender.

“Good God,” Alex exclaimed, skimming the note over again, making sure he’d read it correctly.

“Sir?” Willie prompted, sounding concerned.

“France has surrendered,” Alex explained.

“My God,” muttered Willie. The troops, still assembled to the side of the two men, began murmuring amongst themselves, the tension in the room much higher now than when Alex had been telling them they needed to go to bed on time.

Alex looked out the window, scanning the sky for any sign of attack. It was silly, he knew – nothing could have happened so quickly – but as it was wont to do, his anxiety began to overwhelm him.

“The Germans are coming,” he said, breath hitching in his throat.

“I don’t think they’ll be here just yet, sir,” Willie told him.

Alex shook his head, regained control. Willie was always good at doing that; he could sense when Alex needed help to calm down, and he could do so with an easy joke, a clever quip. Coming from anyone else, talking to a commanding officer that way might have been a sign of disrespect, but from Willie it was just what Alex needed.

“What? Right,” Alex agreed.

Willie could see he was still distressed. “May I suggest we initiate the emergency lockdown protocol, sir?” he said easily.

“Yes!” Alex exclaimed. He was eternally thankful for Willie – God only knew where he would be without that man by his side. “Yes, jolly good.” He turned to address his troops. “Now, it’s vital that nothing fall into enemy hands.”

“You heard the CO,” Willie said to the troops as Alex turned to watch out the window again. “Get to your duties.”

The troops dispersed in a cloud of excited but nervous chatter, getting to their stations, hiding their work. Alex was left alone with Willie, his only comfort. As Willie came to stand by the window with him, that easy, dashing smile on his lips, Alex felt himself both tense and relax. His worry ebbed away, but it was replaced with the hammering of his heart and a shortness of breath.

“Er… exciting times, Willie,” he ventured. He knew he should have called Willie by his proper title, or at least his surname, but when in private the two were much more open and colloquial with each other. Besides, in the wake of such a bombshell using his first name didn’t seem so scandalous. “If they do invade, we might get a proper pop at Jerry.”

“Yes,” Willie said through a chuckle. But the smile on his face dropped after a moment. Alex felt his heart plummet – Willie was usually all smiles and it was never good when they fell away. “About that, sir… I know we do vital work here, sir… but I want to get involved in the fighting. I’ve put in for a transfer.”

Alex felt like his breath had been stolen from him. Here again, that blow to the gut, that crushing feeling of betrayal. He knew distantly that Willie wasn’t betraying him and he could understand why he wanted to go. What stung was that he was only finding out after the fact. Though he knew also why Willie hadn’t told him: because they both knew that Alex would have done everything in his power to stop him, and it would have been too painful for either of them to bear.

Neither of them had ever mentioned it, but there was something magical about the bond they had. It was like they shared a soul, improved each other, completed one another. Alex didn’t want to think too hard about it. The thought of what he and Willie could have been was painful in innumerable ways.

He still didn’t voice those thoughts now, even though he knew it may be one of the only chances he had left. Instead, through a hitch in his voice, he said, “You’re leaving?”

Willie didn’t reply for a moment, a pregnant pause growing between them, pushing them apart. It stung, and Alex couldn’t feel anything.

But then Willie gathered himself and said, “There’s talk of a North Africa front.”

“Yes,” Alex replied, nodding like it all made perfect sense, like he didn’t feel as if he were going to die. “Yes, well, I totally understand, of course. Carry on.”

He ended it like a command, an order. It wasn’t because he wanted to be apart from Willie - no, he wanted to keep him close by forever - but he needed to grasp some semblance of control and giving orders, doing his job as CO let him do just that - be in control, understand what was happening.

“Thank you,” Willie replied, excruciatingly quiet, ducking his head.

He left the room and Alex in musty silence, the air heavy with revealed secrets and suffocating like gas. Alex’s mind was swimming, fogged with hopeless fantasies, weighed down by the knowledge that the one person who kept him going would soon be leaving him.

*

Alex had almost forgotten that Julie was there until he looked around and saw her watching him. He was dragged back down from his own mind, his own dredged up memories, and instead reminded himself that he had been telling her all that, not reliving it for no good reason. Perhaps he’d got a bit too caught up in it all, lost in his own head.

He cleared his throat. “Yes. Willie was wonderful. A very fine soldier. I never found what became of him, though, after he left for North Africa. We exchanged letters for a while, but it was difficult – what with the top-secret work I was doing, we couldn’t have addresses being traced and whatnot. We soon fell out of touch, and then… well, I died.”

Julie reached out as if to take his hand, but then seemed to remember they couldn’t touch, so rested it in the space between them on the sofa. Alex smiled weakly, laid his own hand beside hers. He tried to avoid looking her in the eye – her expression radiated pity and it was the last thing he wanted to see.

“I’m sorry, Alex,�� she said gently. “It must have been awful.”

“Luckily, a true soldier like me becomes adept at hiding his feelings,” he said, trying for light and joking but clearly missing his target. “Besides. I couldn’t worry my troops. Had to keep morale up, which was difficult enough in itself. It was… it was rather a lot to come to terms with.”

“What happened when he left?” Julie asked softly.

Alex sighed. “Well…”

*

Alex had been in his office just a few days later. He was staring down at an envelope, carefully sealed. In it was the blueprints for a new limpet mine, a prototype bomb that would perhaps revolutionise the war had it not been so unstable – Alex and Willie had been trying to create a version that was safer, easier to use, but so far had come up empty. They had been instructed to dispose of the bomb and its blueprints; the mission would be dropped.

The envelope was marked simply with the word ‘William’. That was what the operation was called, its codename. Alex had been the one to decide upon it, uncreatively naming it after the first thing he saw, which just so happened to be his lieutenant sat by his side. Willie was the only other one to know about Operation William and when he left it would just be Alex.

Alex had imagined many a time that the contents of the envelope were something entirely different, that the name on the front was to address someone rather than to hide something. In his dreams, there was a letter inside written in his own handwriting and it spilled every deep dark secret he was keeping. It would be addressed to Willie and for his eyes only. In his dreams, Willie would write his own letter in return, addressed to Alex.

He would never write that letter, he knew. It could get him killed.

He was snapped out of his reverie by a knock at his office door.

“Come,” he called, tucking the envelope into the inside pocket of his jacket.

The door opened and Willie let himself in, shutting it behind him, standing to attention.

“Ah, Willie,” Alex greeted, glad to see him as usual. “At ease, at ease. I was just thinking about you, actually. How’s the emergency lockdown coming?”

“Very good, sir,” Willie returned, smiling sweetly. “Most items have been squared away, as per the order.”

“Excellent,” Alex returned, beaming. He moved to stand behind his desk, closer to Willie but with a barrier between them. As he tried to speak, Willie began too. “I see–”

“I’ve come to tell you that–”

Both laughed, nerves buzzing between them. Alex knew what his were about – he could only guess and hope as to why Willie seemed a little on edge. The space between them felt charged with expectation, though what it was for Alex didn’t know.

“Sorry,” he said, returning Willie’s genuine but faltering smile, “you first, Lieutenant.”

There was a pause. Uncomfortable, excruciatingly anticipatory. The last remains of Willie’s smile crumbled and he swallowed before he said those few words that would tear down the last of Alex’s resolve and ruin him forever, haunting every dream and nightmare and waking moment. The words that would echo in his head whenever there was silence. The words he would fall asleep thinking about every night from that day forward.

“I’m afraid I’m leaving you, sir… At eighteen-hundred hours this evening.”

The world stilled. Alex wasn’t sure his heart was beating anymore. The part of their shared soul that was Willie’s was torn away from him. He came up blank.

“So soon?” was what came out of his mouth, weak, desperate, small. He hated himself for it, so tried for light-heartedness and gestured to the shining new gun on Willie’s belt. “That would explain your new service revolver. I don’t suppose they sent one for me, did they?”

“Only for front-line personnel at this stage, sir,” Willie said, a light but forced smile on his face.

“Of course. Yes.”

“It’s North Africa, sir,” Willie said. There was something like hope in his voice – it felt like he was asking Alex not to be too upset. Be proud, he was asking. Be happy. For me. “I’ll be able to have a proper swing at Fritz!”

“You make sure you give them a bloody nose,” Alex joked.

He answered Willie’s silent plea for his blessing, his reassurance, his pride, and he tried hard to be positive. He attempted a half-hearted fake punch, throwing it in Willie’s direction and was delighted when Willie responded (if only subtly) as if he’d been struck. Willie was grinning, looking happy, looking excited. Alex had to try and be excited for him too.

But still he said, “I shall miss you, Willie.”

Willie’s face fell again. Alex half-hoped his meaning hadn’t been easy to decipher. He knew what he meant, he knew why he’d said it, but it was a stupid and dangerous thing to say – a stupid and dangerous thing to hope for. Willie swallowed heavily, his throat bobbing, and Alex couldn’t read his expression. Though he was fairly certain it was something similar to his own.

He had always known that Willie felt it too, this forbidden and electric thing between them, whatever it was. This shared soul that was now breaking in two, never to be repaired, never to be recreated. It was this moment that Alex realised he and Willie could never have what they wanted.

So he backtracked.

“By which I mean, of course, that we shall miss you. And I know the Wilson House XI will certainly miss your cover drive.”

Willie’s smile came back too slowly. Alex knew his lie hadn’t come quick enough. He knew the unspoken words and unwritten messages were still there between them, heavy and quaking and full of fear, sadness, silence, and things neither wanted to put a name too. They danced around it, though they wouldn’t have to for much longer. Just a few more hours and whatever they had would be shredded forever as Willie said goodbye.

“Thank you, sir,” Willie said. “Well… if that’s all?”

Alex collected himself, simply looked at Willie for a moment before making himself reply. “Yes.”

Willie nodded, took it as his cue to leave. He pulled the door open and was on his way out of the room.

There was so much Alex wanted to say, so much he wanted to do. He wanted to spend a hundred more sleepless nights with Willie, working on secret projects and perfecting weapons. He wanted a thousand more late night conversations spoken in metaphors and riddles, deciphering each other, growing closer, learning more about their relationship than was permitted. He wanted a million more moments just to look at Willie’s face, to dream of what he couldn’t have.

All he wanted was to speak this silent truth that hung between them like a noose – damn him if it killed them both.

He called him back. “I say, Willie?”

Willie turned faster than lightning, hand rested on the doorknob but eyes trained on Alex like his face was all he ever wanted to see.

He tried to say all he wanted to, but knew he could never. It appeared he just had time for one last metaphor, a final riddle, one last waltz around their dire and doomed reality.

“It’s a bally shame we won’t get to finish the operation together,” he said.

Judging by the look on Willie’s face, the message was received loud and clear. Willie offered a smile, genuine but bittersweet. And without a word, he left the room.

Alex took the little envelope out of his pocket again, stared down at it. He had wanted to bury Operation William alongside Willie – they had both worked so hard but for nothing and it seemed only right they should rid the world of this failure together. But Alex would have to do it alone.

If only he could write that imaginary letter now, he thought. There was so much he could say, but not enough words in the English language to say it. There weren’t words to describe the abject loss he found himself steeped in, the gaping hole that had opened in his chest, the weeping wound that would never quite heal.

That night, alone, he went into the garden with the blueprints and the prototype bomb and he buried them both. With it, he buried all memory and evidence of himself and Willie, all their hard work, all they had built and experienced together.

He bottled those emotions to never let them out.

*

“He left that night,” Alex said to Julie, “six o’clock on the dot. The rest of our crew saw him off, waving from the doorway, but I stayed in my office. I told them I had paperwork to do.”

“Did you get to say goodbye?” Julie asked.

Alex sighed. “That conversation… well, that was our goodbye. The rest of the house was in chaos so I didn’t have another chance to speak with him alone, everyone needed either my assistance or his.”

Julie’s eyes were brimming with tears; Alex didn’t look at her, or his own eyes would have watered too. “So that was it? That was the last you saw of him?”

“Sort of. I watched him leave from my office window. He… he gave me one last wave from the gate then disappeared, off on his own adventure. Without me.”

“Don’t you wonder what happened to him?” Julie asked, shuffling closer to Alex on the sofa.

“All the time,” Alex breathed. “I looked for his name in every newspaper and every message I received after we lost contact but I never heard of him again.”

“Would you like me to Google him?” Julie suggested. She had explained this whole ‘Googling’ thing to him a while ago and from Alex’s understanding she simply had to type Willie’s name into the little search bar and all his information would come up in an instant. It was quite remarkable, really, and perhaps it would give him that last little bit of closure. And yet…

“No,” he said, “no, thank you, Julie. It’s quite alright. I… I have this version in my head of who he became and I shouldn’t like to spoil it. I shouldn’t like to taint what memory I have left of him, should his life have turned sour.”

Julie smiled softly. “What’s the image in your head like?”

Alex cleared his throat. “Well… I suppose I like to imagine that he was the best soldier out there on the North Africa front. He rose to a position of command – that was where he thrived, really, but good Lord was he good behind a gun. He was well-respected and kind and his men adored him. And I pray that he survived the war, that he made a living for himself, that he got everything he could have ever wanted in life. Really, I suppose… I suppose I just imagine him to be happy. That’s all I could have ever wanted for him. And if I were to find out he were not happy, well… no, I quite like the Willie I remember.”

Julie left a pause before she spoke again. Alex could see the cogs turning in her mind, could see her wondering if she should say whatever was on the tip of her tongue. He knew what was coming the moment she opened her mouth.

“Did you love him, Alex?”

Alex stood, crossed the room and stood by the window. His hands clasped behind his back, swagger stick gripped tightly, he looked outside, eyes trained on the gate. How many times had he stood here during the war and after, waiting for what he had lost to return, hoping in vain that by some miracle he could be granted his happiness? How many times had he wished for what he could not have? How many times had he replayed those final moments in his head, watching Willie wave goodbye?

It happened again as he stood there. It was as if a cloud came over him, throwing him back decades, putting him right back where he started. Willie stood by the gate, thick coat donned, hat atop his head, his bag slung over his shoulder. He waved up at Alex, and Alex smiled back.

“Yes,” he said at last, so quietly that he thought Julie may not have heard him. A great weight was lifted from his shoulders, decades of repression undermined in that one admission of his true feelings. It wasn’t enough – it never would be because he’d never said it to Willie – but acceptance was a start.

Slow as death, Willie – Alex’s version of him – ceased his waving and walked through the gate, disappearing into the darkness to where Alex would never follow. And for the first time after reliving that agonising memory, Alex let himself smile.

#jatp #willex #alex mercer #julie and the phantoms #willie jatp #willex fic #jatp fic #julie and the himbos #bbc ghosts #ghosts au #angst #julie molina #willie x alex #alex x willie #closure #pining #mutual pining #fanfiction #fic #writing #im so sorry for all of this lmfao #i cried while writing this

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Courting Jose Chavez y Chavez

(My gif/Chavez is so cute)(requested by anonymous| @fandoms-are-my-friends-1321​ )

- You met Chavez when you went to work for Tunstall. You and your family had been struggling to meet ends meet so your father; a friend of Tunstall, had struck a deal with the man. You would help around on his ranch in exchange for room and board, that way your father didn’t have to worry about one too many mouths to feed. Wanting to make your families lives easier in any way you could, you agreed, and soon enough you found yourself riding with Tunstall and Doc back to the desert ranch. 

- Once you arrived it was easy to see that you were quite the anticipated guest. All the boys were semi huddled together, watching the wagon with interest as it came closer and closer. Tunstall introduced you to them as he helped you down. The boys, in response, introduced themselves to you... all except one.

“And that there’s Jose Chavez y Chavez, he ain’t too friendly.” but he sure was handsome you thought to yourself. You gave Charlie a nod before turning to the man.

“Hello Mr. Chavez.” You gave him a small smile before Tunstall asked one of the boys to help you with your things. All the boys scrambled and “subtly” fought their way to the wagon as you stood there flustered by their eagerness. You decided that you might have a bit of a predicament on your hands as you nervously thanked them all.

- One of the good things that came out of being the only girl on the ranch was that everyone was incredibly nice. They all tried to do their part in “making you feel welcome” so you never felt like you didn’t belong...maybe just a little flustered every now and again.

- But then again there was still one person who kept there distance; the only one you really wanted to have close to you: Chavez. He’d caught your eye ever since you first showed up on the ranch; there was just something about him that pulled you in. And yet he didn't seem to like you very much at all, always keeping quiet and avoiding you like the plague whenever you came near. You tried not to pay much attention to it even though it bothered you to no end. 

-  Even with their enthusiasm and attempts to make you a part of the “family”, you couldn't help but feel homesick. That’s why you found yourself sneaking out to sit alone on one of the rails of the horses fence, staring up at the stars and feeling miserable. You didn't hear the footsteps coming from behind you, well, if there was any sound to hear. 

“You’ll catch your death sitting out here.” You flinched in surprise at the sudden voice and weight of a blanket wrapping around your shoulders. It was hard not to stare as the very man who’d avoided you all week leaned against the rail beside you. 

“Thank you.” You whispered, pulling the blanket tighter around yourself, your body finally acknowledging how cold it was. 

- Everything was quiet for a long moment as the two of you stared at the moon and stars. Then he asked what you were doing out in the middle of the night and you explained as best you could, a few stray tears falling from your eyes. He gave you a few kind words as you composed yourself, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“You know, I thought you hated me.” You laughed, wiping your eyes and sniffling lightly. 

“No, no, its the opposite,” He assured. “I like you too much.” 

“How can you like a person too much?” You questioned, a small laugh escaping you once more.

“Easily.” He said quietly. You could feel his eyes on the side of your face, you couldn’t help but notice how much you liked the feeling. “I shouldn’t talk to you like this. Not now at least.”

“I like talking with you,” You answered quickly. “I want to hear it.”

He paused to scan your face before he spoke once more. “I hate how they all look at you. The way they smile and laugh and praise you. I know exactly what they want with you.”

“How?”

“Cause I want the same.” He answered immediately.

“And what do you want?” You whispered, turning your head so that you could look at him. You hadn’t noticed how close you were, your faces inches apart from each other

“You.” Your breath hitched as you stared at him.

“Then have me.” You told him softly. 

- His hands found your cheeks, pulling you closer as his lips crushed against your own. It was like a dream, everything around you disappeared and all that was left was you and him. You could have kissed him for hours but after a long while he pulled away, brushing your hair from your face. 

“We should really get you inside. You need some rest and you won’t get it out here with the coyotes roaming about.” He teased. 

“Coyotes?!” You squeaked, eyes widening.

“Don’t worry,” He said, scooping you up into his arms and carrying you towards the house. “I’ll protect you. ...I’ll always protect you.”

- Chavez likes showing off that you’re his, he’s damn proud that he got himself a woman like you and wants the world to know it. Whenever you’re out in public he’ll always be touching you in some way, showing you affection or addressing you as his wife even before you’re married. 

- He is one of the sweetest men you’ll ever meet. You consider yourself a very lucky woman and happily tell him so; it never fails to make him smile. 

- Getting to see all of his knife tricks, he likes to show off to you. 

- The man’s got good morals, he hates it, you love it. You never have to worry about him not doing the right thing because you know he just cant help it. It always annoys him whenever he helps people who don’t deserve it but the “comforting” kisses you give him help.

- Without fail, anytime it starts to get cold he’ll drape his fur coat around your shoulders. 

- He likes listening to you read, it always helps him relax. 

- Every now and again he’ll speak in Spanish and destroy your ovaries. You think he doesn't know the effect it has on you but believe me he’s well aware. 

- Spanish/Apache nicknames. 

- Riding on the back of his horse, wrapped tight around him. 

- Even though he’s usually very stoic and serious, you always manage to get a little smirk/grin out of him. 

- He has a gorgeous smile even if you’re usually the only one who ever really sees it. Either way, you thank whatever higher power is responsible for it everyday. 

- Helping him braid and brush his hair, It’s quite the intimate task for the two of you. 

- Sitting on his lap

- Stealing the bandana. 

- Hairline kisses. 

- Kissing his jaw and cheek. He usually has to stoop down so that you can reach him which he finds adorable. 

- Whenever you go to town dances, he always ends up dancing with at least one youngin. You find it adorable so never mind sharing him with the little ones, especially when their siblings ask you to dance. 

- He’s arguably pretty possessive. He doesn't like people he doesn't know or trust touching you, even if they’re just a salesclerk or something else of the sort. 

- It sort of just goes with the territory that he’s a jealous guy. He’ll glare daggers and silently scare off at any man who tries to flirt or compliment you. You usually just tsk at him with a reprimanding smirk. 

- He’s incredibly protective of you; doesn’t matter what kind of situation you’re in, he always has your back. He’s had everything taken from him in the past and he wont allow you to suffer the same fate.

- He never lets anyone near you when you’re hurt, unless it’s someone who can help of course. 

- Good luck escaping his arms if you ever wake up before him, it’s near impossible to do with how tight he holds you against him.

- Every morning he wakes you up by pressing kisses to your skin and softly calling your name. You can’t help but wake up in a good mood with him as your alarm. 

- The two of you often stand/sit off to the side whenever you’re with the regulators or whatever other group/social situation you’re in. He’s not a very big people person. 

- He’s very fond of laying on you, you’ll usually sit behind him and he’ll lean back against you as you wrap your arms around his shoulder. 

- Standing up for him whenever you can.

- You accidentally adopt his catchphrase every now and again without thinking. Sometimes the two of you say it at the same time although you’ll usually leave out the s.o.b. 

“Mexican Indian.”

- Stifling a laugh at his sarcastic comments, he looks over and gives you a smirk whenever he hears you. 

- He picks you up bridal style without any hesitation or prompting of any sort. He likes hearing your excited squeal whenever he scoops you up into his arms. 

- He has a damn good memory when it comes to the things you say to him, it’s like he’s got a folder in his brain with everything you’ve ever told him. Birthdays, places you’ve wanted to go, offhanded remarks about things you’ve wanted to have or do, it’s all up there somewhere waiting to be used. 

- Taking part in his rituals with little hesitation.

- Patching him up after he gets into fights. You’re always impressed by how little he reacts to pain. 

- Teasing each other and making fake threats. He likes “pouncing” on you afterwards, kissing your neck and tickling your sides as he eggs you on. 

“Oh yeah? Huh? Oh yeah?!”

- Even before the two of you start dating he has a lot of respect for you. You’re a strong, independent woman and he loves it, unlike many other men of his time. 

- He’s always ready to defend your honor. He’s mastered the art of intimidation over the years and is used to fighting so he can definitely hold his own when it comes down to it.

- Sitting and watching sunsets/sunrises together. 

- Sitting outside with him as he sharpens/shines his various weapons or does target practice. You’ll usually play with his knife while he’s busy, twirling it in your hands and admiring the gleam. Playing with his knife sounds like an innuendo but I promise it’s not... unless you want it to be. 

- Leaning your head on his shoulder when you sit/stand next to him. He’ll wrap his arm around you and pull you closer whenever you do.

- The two of you are constantly sneaking kisses, neither of you can ever get enough of each other. 

- Back when you were working at the Tunstall place, the two of you had great difficulty not fucking in various secluded areas of the house. It’s not your fault he’s so damn irresistible. 

- Wrapping your arms around his neck as he holds your waist. The two of you whisper to each other and give one another little pecks on the lips. You’re nauseatingly adorable. 

- He has a quick temper so expect to break up a few fights every now and again. 

-  He may be quick to fight someone else but the two of you rarely ever do so yourselves. If you ever disagree on something, you always listen to each other and talk things out before you can even call it a fight.  

- The only real fights you've ever had were about him putting himself in danger or something similar, and that was just because you were both worried and under a lot of pressure. You were quick to apologize and make up, as you always are when things go sour. The old west’s a dangerous place, you don’t want to be fighting while one of you gets shot. 

- Helping comfort him whenever he wants or needs you to. 

- He tells you he loves you every morning and every night. He never wants you to forget just how much you mean to him. 

- There’s no way he isn't going to marry you. He wants you forever, no doubt about that, so get used to him because he’ll be around for a long time. 

#young guns #young guns imagine #young guns headcanons #young guns headcanon #jose chavez y chavez #chavez y chavez #chavez #chavez headcanons #chavez imagine #chavez headcanon #chavez y chavez imagine #chavez y chavez headcanons #chavez y chavez headcanon #jose chavez y chavez headcanons #jose chavez y chavez headcanon #jose chavez y chavez imagine #80s movies #80s imagine #80s movie imagine #80s movie imagines #80s movie headcanons #80s movie headcanon

[valdemart]

A New Experiment (NSFW ValdemarxReader)

I made a nasty Valdemar fic because I’m 🎵Human Garbage🎵

It’s Valdemar so warnings for medical kink, mentions of gore (I don’t think its that intense), dead bodies, some swearing, and everything else that goes with everybody’s favorite Quaestor.

((I know hysterical paroxysm probably wasn’t actually a treatment or whatever, and time line wise it doesn’t really fit, but for the sake of this story I do not give a fuck. Do I want to romance the horrible demon doctor? Yes? Am I foolish enough to think it’s possible? Absolutely not. This is as good as it gets, fuckos, not being murdered maybe.))

To make it an entire year as a student doctor under Doctor Valdemar was previously unheard of. If the student didn’t vanish mysteriously never to be heard from again, they fled to another country and refused to talk about it. You, however, had done it and it hadn’t even been hard. As head doctor of the palace, Valdemar had no time for anything not related to science. All you had to do was focus on work while you were working and do everything they said immediately and correctly.

You had even managed to get a few compliments from them. They were not the type to hand out praise, but you had gotten ‘adequate work’ several times and even one ‘well done’.

There were a few ‘eccentricities’ to deal with, but what genius wasn’t a little bizarre? Another year or so working under them and no doubt you’d leave to become a brilliant surgeon.

After an entire year of hard work and dedication, you wouldn’t have thought that you’d undo it all with one little mistake, but isn’t that always how it happened?

The city morgue had apparently gotten a new delivery man; specifically, a tall, brown eyed delivery man with a roguishly handsome smile. You hadn’t had a lot of time for dating while attending medical school and, well, you were only human. You had to flirt with him a little bit. Despite him hauling around unclaimed corpses, he was in the mood to flirt a little too. Doctor Valdemar was engrossed in a project so you made small talk with the man while you counted the bodies and signed his delivery ledger. He told an unfunny joke and you giggled. It was harmless and didn’t interrupt your work at all. As soon as he left, you were back to work, categorizing the corpses based on possible causes of death to be examined further.

But, later, white cleaning various beakers and test tubes, your mind began to wander. You couldn’t help the big, stupid grin plastered to your face as you thought of the delivery man. He’d be by next week and maybe by then you would have the nerve to ask him to dinner. Or maybe he would ask you, wouldn’t that be something.

Valdemar called your name loudly and impatiently and you jumped. Had they said your name already without you hearing it? They did not like having to repeat themselves. In jumping, you had managed to knock two test tubes off the table. They broke with two quiet ‘tinks’ against the floor. You stared at them wide eyed for a moment before looking up. Doctor Valdemar was less than a foot away from you and frowning.

Shit…

You hadn’t ever broken anything before. The last person to break something had been an assistant and Doctor Valdemar had stepped on their hand while they were picking up the shards, driving the glass into their skin. That had made you conscientious about maintaining a firm grip on everything in the dungeon.

After a horrible, silent moment of staring, Valdemar smiled.

“Distracted today, are we? It wouldn’t have anything to do with that handsome man that was here earlier, would it?”

They weren’t yelling, but they often didn’t so there was no telling how mad Valdemar was right now.

“I’m so sorry, Doctor Valdemar. I’ll clean it up and get right back to work.”

“Leave it for now.”

This kind of thing didn’t happen to you. You were a professional, dammit. You had never gotten in trouble before and now Valdemar was going to make you eat those broken test tubes.

Valdemar turned to the only two other staff currently on and waved their hand at them.

“Leave us.”

They exchanged glances with one another and then shot you two helpless, sympathetic looks before climbing the stairs to the palace.

“Come join me at my desk for a moment, wont you?”

Your feet felt like lead as you dragged yourself to the desk in the middle of the dungeon. Valdemar sat down, but you waited for them to nod at you before you dared to take a seat. There was another endless moment of silence as they watched you over their steepled fingers.

“Was I right? We’re you thinking of that delivery boy?”

“Yes, Doctor.”

Of all the stupid things to get in trouble for.

“Seems even the good little humans lose their heads in the spring.”

This would be funny if it wasn’t so terrifying.

“Mating season and all.”

Maybe you’ll be the first student to be forgiven?

“When was the last time you had sex?”

Valdemar didn’t waste time mincing words. A forthright question like this was embarrassing but not uncommon.

“Oh, um, two years ago I believe, Doctor.”

“Hmm, I see. Do you masturbate often?”

Despite your fear, you couldn’t help your blush at that question.

“Um, not very, I don’t think, Doctor.”

“Quantify it.”

“Um, once or twice a month.”

“I see.”

This next span of silence really does go on forever. It’s almost as though Valdemar has no intention of speaking. Their unblinking gaze is too much to bear and you speak first.

“I’m so sorry, Doctor. I promise, it won’t happen again.”

“How?”

“P-Pardon?”

“How are you going to keep it from happening again?”

Well, you hadn’t expected that question. Usually, when you apologized to someone, they just accepted that you would do better.

“I, um, I’ll just-“

Valdemar stared at you while you stuttered, their passive face making it very clear that they could wait all day for an answer.

“I don’t want to disappoint you, Doctor. I’ll do better. I won’t get distracted anymore.”

“And how can you guarantee that? The human drive to mate is so primal. It’s so deeply embedded in your brain that it will almost certainly always win over logic. I don’t blame you for what you are, but I don’t trust you to be able to resolve it on your own. After all, you aren’t even a doctor yet, are you?”

Well, at least they weren’t angry. You weren’t sure what they had planned, but it wouldn’t be like that time they broke another assistant’s arm for preparing the wrong slice of a cadaver’s brain.

“I’ll do whatever you think I need to do, Doctor.”

They rose suddenly and silently, making you flinch slightly.

“I’m glad to hear you say that. It’s refreshing for someone to take responsibility instead of blubbering excuses. Although, I would expect nothing less from you.”

You watched Valdemar walk over to one of the metal exam tables and reach underneath to pull out the gynecological stirrups. A feeling of dread washed over you, but all you could think was how well you had oiled the stirrups, as they no longer squeaked when they were moved.

“It will be a simple treatment. Not invasive at all and so little blood,” Valdemar explained, steepling their fingers together again. “Now, please undress from the waist down and lie on the table.”

You didn’t move. You couldn’t. What the hell was Valdemar planning on doing to you? Cut you? Sew you up? Because you were distracted one time?! No! Please no! This couldn’t be happening! Not this!

“D-Doctor Valdemar, please, whatever you’re planning… I’m sorry! I’ll work twice as long just-“

You could try to run, but how far would you get? Valdemar was almost supernaturally graceful and quick and if they caught you, there would be Hell to pay.

Valdemar frowned but didn’t otherwise move. They were studying your face as though they were trying to read your thoughts and figure out why you weren’t obeying them.

“Are you afraid I’m going to mutilate your genitals? Really, now. Horny is one problem I can fix, but I can’t help you if you’ve gone stupid as well. If I carve you up, I lose my only capable assistant for days while you recover.”

Valdemar sounded annoyed, but there was the slightest bit of amusement in their tone. And while you desperately did not want to stall further and really anger them, the fear of the unknown medical procedure planned for you kept you frozen in place.

“Please tell me what you’re going to do.”

Your plea was raspy as you fought and failed to hold back tears, but to your great relief, Valdemar didn’t seem any more annoyed with your sniveling. It was the same impassive face they wore when a patient pleaded to save a limb from amputation. Just a minor irritation.

“Hysterical paroxysm.”

“What?!”

Then, to your great perplexity, Valdemar grinned. Not the sharped tooth grin that accompanied the arrive of more corpses for autopsy but a closed lipped grin like…they were trying to comfort you? What was happening?

“Hysteria. A most amusing theory, but further proof that the human mind is incapable of truly grasping medical science. However, in this case? This might be the cure we need. Now then,” Valdemar said, patting the exam table. “Up you go.”

What choice did you have? You could run. If that didn’t change Valdemar’s mind about cutting you up then you’d still lose your residency. You’d never be a doctor then.

And…

This was quite possibly the nicest Valdemar had ever been to anyone. They were the smartest and most capable doctor you knew. You had been chasing their approval since day one and never once had you seen them attempt any sort of bedside manner before. But now they were endeavoring it specifically for you. Squaring your trembling shoulders the best you could, you reached up and under your coat and pulled your pants and panties down with one smooth tug. You shivered as the cool air of the dungeon hit your legs and Valdemar merely watched patiently as you worked off your shoes and folded your pants.

“There’s a good girl,” Valdemar cooed as you laid down on the table. The praise had to have been meant to mock you, but as they almost gently assisted you with putting your legs in the stirrups, you weren’t sure of anything anymore. Valdemar had cracked ribs and dislocated ankles while strapping patients into restraints before. Was this really happening?

Valdemar opened a few buttons on the bottom of your lab coat and flipped each side outward, exposing you completely. The doctor never was one to waste time with a privacy blanket.

“No wonder I’m having problems with you,” they said as they ghosted a single digit down your slit, making you shiver. “Your little cunt is so engorged that there’s no blood left for your brain.”

They spoke with an almost bored air of professionalism, like they were examining a mole and not about to finger fuck you to orgasm. As horribly embarrassed as you were, prone in front of your boss like this, you risked a quick glace downwards. You only saw the crisp white dressing wrapped around the doctor’s head as they gave you a thorough visual examination, staring intently at your vulva as they softly spread and stretched you lips.  You bit back a whine. How were you supposed to work for them after this? You’d never be able to look them in the eye again.

“Now then,” the doctor said, standing to their full height. “Let’s commence treatment.”

Two long, hard fingers that felt more like a medical instrument than a part of someone’s hand entered you swiftly. The cold rubber of the glove made you gasp and your nipples hardened under you clothing.

Valdemar didn’t move like you had expected them to and instead called your name. Reluctantly and with a great deal of mortification, you met their gaze while you were being penetrated. They stared at you, unblinking, their razor blade smile finally back on their face.

“Do feel free to make noise. It will help me speed the treatment along.”

Your head fell back as they began, their cool fingers almost scrapping at your walls as their thumb made a perfunctory back and forth motion against your clitoris. It was as sterile and unerotic as something like this was possibly capable of being. But, somehow, it was doing the trick. You could feel yourself heating up against the cool air. Despite your humiliation, your boss was actually going to make you cum.

Despite? Or because of?

Valdemar was deathly silent now and, even with your eyes being snapped shut, you could feel their gaze on your face with needle like focus. Their movements didn’t change in the slightest, almost like they were using a machine.

And yet…

You were beginning to squirm and twitch under their ministrations. You balled your fists against the cold metal of the exam table and let the first of several heady moans escape you lips. You were really going to cum on your weird boss’s fingers on a table you were going to have to see every day you worked.

That thought was your undoing.

As you bit back a squeal and your back arched off the table, Valdemar continued moving their fingers until your contractions stopped and you tried to pull away from them. Then their touch was gone completely. You allowed yourself a moment to catch your breath. Despite the horribly bizarre nature of it all, it had been a good orgasm. However, the light, warm feeling fled you faster than it usually did. Most likely it was from the stirrups and exam table and lack of a soft, warm bed or the loving caress of a partner. Your high extinguished, you wanted nothing more than to get dressed, but you didn’t have the doctor’s permission. You propped yourself up enough to see Valdemar, who was now standing a few feet to your right next to a torch. Holding their fingers up to the light, they were scissoring their two fingers back and forth, studying your cervical mucus as it stretched. A hot wave of embarrassment sent you back down.

“D-Doctor? May I get dressed now?”

You looked when they didn’t answer right away and you watched with shame as they scraped your discharge off their fingers and into a vial.

“Yes. The treatment is over now.”

Your legs cramped slightly as you removed them and stood up and your toes tingled as blood finally reached them again. That discomfort was nothing compared to the aching empty that had suddenly taken over your chest. No, you hadn’t exactly had a long-term partner before and your lovers were few and far between since most people didn’t understand the long hours of a medical student, but you hadn’t been into casual encounters either. There had been cuddling and pillow talk with them and now, as you pulled your pants up in silence, you felt ashamed and used. Obviously, Valdemar wasn’t interested in romantic entanglements, that much you’d bet any amount of money on, but had this just been some weird power trip? Or an experiment? You were grateful it hadn’t involved the removal of any of your organs like most of the doctor’s experiments, but it did nothing to stop the sob that rose in your throat.

You froze. There was no way Valdemar hadn’t heard you. They had been incredibly accommodating with you this entire time, but no doubt your crying would anger them finally. Your luck had to run out eventually. You didn’t look up as they moved towards you, their heels clicking on the stone floor.

“I’m sorr-“

Your apology was cute off when their hand grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at them. Their grip wasn’t painful, but the indifference in their eyes as they studied your face knocked the wind out of you like a fist.

“I’m so sorr-“

“Oxytocin.”

“What?”

“Oxytocin. Dreadful little chemical. But it’s always so fascinating how humans are such slaves to their hormones. In the end, what are humans but machines powered by chemicals and electrical currents?”

You shivered at their voice. That odd, detached way they spoke about humans as though they themselves were not one was also so unsettling, even if you were usually able to ignore it.

What happened next, however, was the weirdest thing to happen in all your time working under the doctor. Stiffly, and with no affection, Valdemar leaned forward and pressed their lips to your forehead. They did not pucker and they made no effort to actually kiss you, but their thin, cool lips against you was probably the closest they had ever gotten to it. It was the equivalent of pressing a lizard’s face against you for a few seconds, but it stopped your tears immediately.

“That will be sufficient comfort for you, I hope?”

“Yes, Doctor,” you replied, your voice soft with incredulousness. There was no way that had actually happened. All of this was some incredibly messed up dream. Clearly, you had been working too hard and were stressed.

“Good. Now, take your lunch hour and collect yourself. Be back here on time and set up the diaphanization chemicals. Don’t make me wait.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

Unsure of how to carry yourself, you half bowed, half curtsied before turning to ascend the stairs. Hopefully an hour would be enough time to process the last ten or so minutes. It probably wouldn’t be, but at least you were being given any time at all.

Before your foot had even hit the first step, you felt those long, thin fingers wrap tightly around your hips. You froze and your breath hitched in your throat.

“One last thing before you go,” Valdemar said softly, their breath tickling your ear as they spoke. “Do be sure to let me know if you start feeling distracted again. I need to take care of my favorite subject.”

#the arcana valdemar #valdemar #quaestor valdemar #the arcana lemon