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#because I wish I had supportive people in my life like that
pururing · 3 days
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Hi everyone, thank you so much for your supportive messages. I'm not sure if it's okay to answer since I don't allow anonymous questions, so I didn't. I'll go thank you personally later when I have time.
I was pretty upset yesterday and will be thinking about what to do for a while(probably just sit and wait for the next episode for now), but thanks to a few people who were willing to speak up, I had a much better day for you. It means a lot to me that you took the risk of getting involved in a needless dispute and did this.
I think most of the communication failures start with the disagreement that Asians can't be whiter than Caucasians (I'm not convinced of this, so I prefer the way it's portrayed in the show).
And when I said that children tend to have lighter skin than their parents, I meant that they are generally lighter because they haven't seen much sunlight yet. They will change as they grow, This is due to the experience of watching many children(mostly my baby sibling and cousins) and my own growing up experience. but perhaps my translator mistranslated it as "getting lighter as they older" which is opposit of what I tried to tell, and I didn't catch it, so there was some miscommunication.
As I mentioned, I'm just working from what I see on the screen. I did find some pictures that suggest that Jee may look brighter than maddie, but I won't upload them here because the gif creator may be offended that I'm dragging his work into this debate. (My google search was jee maddie. If anyone wants to look it up.)
I don't think there's any more controversy to be had, and I'm sure anyone who disagrees with me has already blocked me, so I'm going to try something a little different. Here's the real reason for my boring and long post.
I wanted to clarify that I am very careful with racial descriptions.
As I said before, I'm a mainstream Korean and because of this, I grew up in an atmosphere that was pretty indifferent to other cultures and countries. When I became an adult, I was fortunate enough to have friends from Europe, America, Canada, Latin America, Southeast Asia, etc. I was quite shocked. The world is so much bigger and more diverse than what I had conceptually known. And that people in those cultures are very proud of their identity. And I really respect it.
After that realization, I could have gone back to living a normal life in Korea, but unfortunately, I was born to be a fanartist, and I started to like foreign content instead of Korean content. (like Japanese, Chinese, English-based content, etc.).
I learned about how some effective but insensitive depictions can be historically and realistically offensive and unpleasant experiences for certain races. The problem is that there are a lot of small details that you really don't notice if you're not a party to them, especially since so many discussions are primarily in English and the information curated by a few active people and translated into our social media is where most of our knowledge comes from, so we can offend people without even trying.
I am very aware of this and am open to input from others in this regard. I am very cautious about drawing a race I don't know in the first place, so I try to avoid realistic depictions. But on the other hand, the "cartoon" style I've been taught actually leads me to omit many features. Age, body type, beauty. So this is the style I've adopted when I want to draw fanart of works based on real people, especially if they're multiracial (especially since I've always been more of a comic artist than an illustrator.) I wish I was a better artist and had more options, but honestly, this is my limit. Sorry.
I would like to apologize if anyone feels hurt or upset by any of my non-Asian characters and thinks they are too stereotypical, don't look like them at all, or are too ridiculous.(Even white people. I was taught that there are many differences and histories even among people who are considered white.)
I really don't want to use my art style as a shield to justify any depiction of race, and I'm worried that someone might get the wrong idea that I have such an opinion.
All of my intentions are simply to make sure that no one in the fandom is offended by the artwork, and to provide some lighthearted entertainment that is just a good laugh at a silly cartoon.
Sometimes people wonder why we invest so much passion into a character on screen, but it's a great feeling to share and empathize with someone who feels the same way. Especially when they have something in common with you. That's why I cared so much about Jee and Chimney even though I'm primarily a Buddie shipper. I don't know a lot about immigrants, but I found it very funny and entertaining that he immigrated when he was 5 years old, his family moved back to Korea, and his father video calls from his very traditional grandfather's room. Despite the many inaccuracies, it's fun to see someone try this hard. I will say here that I am very cautious when drawing other races because I understand that my inaccurate depictions can create an unpleasant experience for others, especially if they feel a strong connection to them.
So, I'm not sure what I will do in the future or when I will draw and share more, but if anyone finds any depictions in my future drawings that may be offensive, I will be open to being corrected. I just don't want my Korean identity to be infringed upon by claims that I don't resemble the way "Asian stereotypes" are drawn. (There's a reason I say Korean identity, not Asian or East Asian. The history here is too complex to group into one word…) I will respect others and you will respect me. That's all I want.
Anyway, that's all I have to say. I am aware that my upbringing inevitably narrows my perspective, and I don't want to use my people of color or non-Western culture as a weapon to further an agenda of agency that I don't have.
If anyone is still reading, thanks for the long read. really. And I'm sorry for bringing conflict into the fandom.
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AITA for sort of ignoring when my boyfriend is upset?
My boyfriend struggles with some depression, and I'm of course supportive, as someone with a lot of mental health issues myself. We're generally very communicative about a lot of things.
The thing is, sometimes he's clearly upset about something or talks badly about himself, but in a way where he's sort of dropping obvious hints without saying something like "I'm really upset" or "I could use support right now." For example, I'll be talking about something I did with my friends, and he'll say something like "that's great, I'm glad you had fun! I wish people liked me enough to do fun stuff like that." And I don't really know how to respond? Like I wasn't trying to gloat or anything, I just tell him about things in my life. And I know he's genuine when he says he's glad I had a good time or whatever. He's just really really insecure.
There was a time recently, for example, when a friend had offered to take pictures of me outside of a party we were both at. I told him that I was going outside and he asked if he should come with, and I said sure! Afterwards he was really torn up about whether he was supposed to come outside with me or if I was just saying that to be nice, but like I wish he trusted me in that me saying yes means I'm saying yes. If I didn't want him to come with, I would have said no. I don't really have any issues with saying no to people.
Previously I was reassuring him when he brought these sorts of things up, but to be frank it's gotten kind of tiring. There's only so many times I can say "you're a good person who is fun to be around and I like you" until it gets on my nerves. It feels like what I say doesn't make any impact on him, which I know isn't his fault, but it's frustrating for me. So I'm kind of like. Why bother repeating the same thing again and again if it isn't making a difference?
Also, because I anticipate this being brought up, I've asked for support explicitly before and he's given me support. It kinda feels like he cares about supporting me more than he cares about himself, which is sweet and all but I don't like that. I want him to care about himself too. I've told him this, and told him he can ask me for support when he needs it.
For the record, the times where he has explicitly said he's not doing well/needs support I've offered it. If he says "I really need a hug next time we hang out" or whatever, I'll do it. I just sometimes feel like an emotional nanny to be honest, because it feels like I have to be on alert for these hints or whatever and take care of the insecurity.
So, am I the asshole for not responding to my boyfriend's upset feelings unless he explicitly states them and/or asks for support?
What are these acronyms?
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wildpeachfarm · 3 days
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I feel like I’m repeating things that were said but I really felt as though Caiti wasn’t actually ready to share her story. She is in this stage of her trauma where she believes the people who hurt her are evil monsters who acted with the goal of hurting her in mind. I want to draw a comparison to this “aha” moment I had in therapy. I got good marks in school, I was a good student, but no matter my marks— even if I came home with a 90%— my mother would ask “what went wrong?”. It tore me up and because of that it made me think that all she cared about was my grades and that no matter what I did I wasn’t good enough unless I got a perfect 100%. I resented her, I thought her intent was very malicious and it affected my relationship with my mom. I didn’t find out until years later in therapy, when I exploded at my mom about my feelings, that she wasn’t trying to be malicious. She always asked that question because she wanted to gauge if I needed more support in the classroom (I’m audhd and wasn’t diagnosed until I was 12). Of course that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt me— I wasn’t privy to her intentions for all these years, after all— but that changed how I viewed those moments in my life. To bring this back to Caiti, I think that she needed some extensive cognitive behavioral therapy to process this event and come to terms with it enough that she could speak with George and find closure.
really good insight anon! And i definitely agree caiti is treating this like a still-fresh wound and that's not when you want to go public about any sort of serious accusation like this.
her judgement is clouded by anger and resentment and her perception of the situation and unfortunately, she has surrounded herself with people who validate her hatred for george without anyone stopping her to maybe ask him and see his side of things.
It's also clear she hasn't been to therapy or talked to anyone older than her that can mentor her through these emotions in a constructive and realistic way. Because her perceptions of the world and people right now are deeply concerning and distorted and always assume malicious intent which is so harmful to herself and others.
The only thing I can wish for her is to definitely seek specialized therapy to work through these issues because the way she has internalized/treated/perceived this situation is not normal nor healthy
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albondiguilla007 · 3 days
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So:
I mostly opened this account to talk about Harry Potter with other fans. I need potterhead friends I’m begging you, take pity on me.
Stuff I’m constantly thinking about:
✨ We don’t judge here, every ship is welcome
✨But if it’s gay better
✨ I love the golden trio, I won’t stand for ANY kind of SLANDER, not of Ron, not of Hermione, least of all Harry. They are human, and they are good friends with flaws who love each other very much. They are growing up, grieving, taking care of each other and learning about life. I adore their friendship, and fanfics that give a realistic portrayal of their relationship will always be a soft spot of mine.
✨ Hot take: If you have any fanfic recommendation where they are romantically together (the three of them, as in an actual relationship), I would appreciate it very much
✨ Drarry (please) 🥵
✨ Wolfstar (they are my parents) 🐾🌒
✨ Jegulus (depending on the mood) Jegulily thooo 👀
✨ Tomarry? I’M A SLUT FOR TOMARRY (please I need more time travel fanfic recommendations) Some very good ones tho:
Terrible, but Great.
you belong to me (i belong to you).
Of Kings, of Pawns, and of Men.
Wear me like a locket around my throat
(all of them are in ao3)
✨ My boy Harry is incredibly underrated on his own series. He is amazing, I love him, I wish him all the happiness in the world. WE NEED MORE FANFICS WHERE THEY PORTRAY ALL HIS MENTAL STRUGGLES AND GRIEVING PROCESSESS. (He’s gone through so much, I don’t buy the way canon just swept everything under the rug and moved on)
✨ Draco Malfoy is a power bottom and you can’t change my mind
✨ Support sophithil on insta
✨ Another soft spot of mine? Fanfics where Harry time travels to a time where his parents are alive or a different dimension all together.
To make it better
Devil’s White Knight
Across the universe
You’re somebody else
(all in ao3 except Across the universe, that’s a short story in fanfic.net)
✨ My bedtime readings are hardcore Drarry smut with some very questionable dom/sub dynamics
✨ Canon Remus was a bit of a people pleaser with no personality, but I forgive him because fanon, obviously
✨Canon James Potter was a dick, but I forgive him too. He did change a bit after Hogwarts, but I keep hoping he would’ve matured more if he’d had the chance to grow up into an actual adult
✨ Aaron Taylor Johnson and every other version of James Potter is mine, no arguments
✨ NO SNAPE SLANDER. He is an amazing character, and a very complex one at that. He is not supposed to be a good person, but a complicated one with a gray set of values. Y’all do not understand that, and I’m tired of watching Marauders stans be so fucking hypocritical when it comes to him.
Crime and Punishment (an amazing severitus fic on ao3)
✨ August, Cardigan and Betty are about these three idiots (Lily, James and Regulus) and you can’t change my mind
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fuck-hamas-go-israel · 13 hours
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No matter what, don’t lose your humanity.
I see this rhetoric very often, that if you call for the release of the hostages and condemn Hamas terrorism and the atrocities they’ve committed, then you automatically “must support the death of Palestinian civilians”.
Conversely, those who claim to care about the Palestinian civilians don’t seem to call for the release of hostages, never acknowledge the rape, torture, and murder of civilians on Oct 7. In fact, they seem to celebrate death of who they perceive as “Zionist”.
I saw this play out before my eyes on TikTok. A singer named Cat Janice was dying from cancer, and she asked her audience to use her song in their videos as she had willed the proceeds to her young son who is not more than 7 or 8 years old. People labelled her a Zionist because she apparently was following an Israeli account on Instagram.
It was a very tragic story and her family was going through a hard time dealing with the aggressive cancer that slowly weakening her body.
But as we’ve seen:
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They don’t care about people who are suffering from terminal illnesses and will harass them anyway.
In her videos of her giving updates on her situation and pleading with people for empathy for her young son, they flooded her comment section with spam:
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Unfortunately, Cat Janice passed away, BDE. But that didn’t stop the harassment. In fact, some celebrated her death and even lauded it as a good thing as there is “one less Zionist” now.
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Yes, there are people like this out there. This shouldn’t come as a surprise as they’ve been violent, they’ve been sending death threats, they’ve been chanting for violent “resistance” and “intifada” and the death of Jews and Israelis, as well as their allies. They celebrate violence in the most disgusting and dehumanising way possible.
Just look at the comments in this video of a Jewish creator saying that in Berlin, a Jewish student was attacked:
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Meanwhile, we chant “Am Yisrael Chai”. We call for life, we focus on saving all lives, no matter who.
As the leaders of Hamas said in an interview, “The Israelis are known to love life. We, on the other hand, sacrifice ourselves. We consider our dead to be martyrs.”
Every innocent death is a tragedy, Israeli and Palestinian. Death IS a tragedy. The killing of Hamas terrorists, albeit deserved, is a tragedy because of the terroristic path they chose in life and what horrific crimes they had committed in order to warrant death as a means of justice.
As much as I wish that one day, those people who have spewed those vile, antisemitic, inhuman things will feel guilty for what they have said, I doubt they will. The perceived safety and anonymity of social media coupled with their complete absence of humanity, compassion, and empathy evaporates any drop of guilty conscience they may have. All we can wish is that fair and just consequences for their actions will be meted out to them one day.
But my fellow Jews, my fellow zionists, my fellow allies, please never, NEVER stoop to that level. It goes against everything we are about.
Once we lose our humanity, we’ll become dulled to the suffering of others. That’s not what we want, and it directly goes against the spirit of Judaism and Israel.
Continue to mourn the death of innocents, continue to get angry and weep for tragedy and injustice, continue to celebrate new life and lives saved. Continue to feel like a human being. Don’t be like them.
Don’t. Lose. Your. Humanity.
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everlastinghistory · 14 hours
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“Everyone who becomes a housewife ends up in a bad situation eventually!!”
My mom has 4 sisters. Her and almost all of her sisters are currently housewives. Whether they worked previously or not that’s what they’re all doing currently except for one of them who wishes she could be like them. One of them who got married at 19 has always been a housewife.
Y’know her current situation? She had 3 kids, unfortunately, one of them died in his late 20s, but the other two are now in their 40s and still have as strong a relationship as ever with their mother. She stayed home when they were little and developed a proper lifelong bond with them. She has a husband who supports her both financially and as a person. She has a puppy she adores. She gardens and bakes cookies and cooks dinner and knits and she loves all of it. She has a cottage she spends every summer in where she has a second place to do her gardening with much more space to work with.
My mom is a housewife. You want to know her situation? She watches her favourite TV shows, knits, cooks dinner, runs an Etsy shop from home because yes you can work from home and still be a housewife and she’s always there when me or my sister needs something.
Only one of my aunts have ever been divorced. And even after that she didn’t just crumble into nothingness like people seem to think will happen. In fact she’s now happily married again and has been for quite a few years now. As a housewife. Because she doesn’t live in fear of the “what if’s”. She enjoys her life and maybe you should try that too. Because if you’re so miserable that you’ve started telling other people their life is going to go badly… I think your life is going badly.
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theelderhazelnut · 1 day
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WIP Wednesday
tagged by @aceghosts @nightbloodbix @cloudofbutterflies92 @cassietrn <3
I’m one hour late lol. Okay so this is what I have written so far for the first chapter of “Rise of Villains: The Shadow”. Atoosa (Ombra) has lost everything, and she meets Raiden for the first time. (Güney is a minor character)
Also, this is not proofread!
I had never truly felt it until that night when I was sitting beside the road. I had never wished to be anyone else, even that middle-aged man making tea for his customers, but this lost little girl. What did people do when their parents are suddenly killed in an airpalne shot by two rockets, and when they were suddenly left with nothing but an old luggage?
I stared at my fingers, trying so hard not to bury my face in them because then my life would magically go deeper into this abyss. What was I supposed to do really? A psychiatry student in a foreign country who had lost her financial support last week and her rented apartment this morning.
I went into my pocket to check the time, but remembered that my phone had just died. I took a deep breath to protect my sanity for just a few more seconds until I arrive at the restaurant, the temporary workplace I opt because I wanted to be this independent woman. The money it provided me for working there part-time would never heal any scars, but it was better that nothing. But now it was everything I had left.
I pushed glass door open after walking for fifteen minutes, and dragged my luggage behind me. There were only two couples left out of all the customers. Güney, the cashier, looked at me up and down.
“Where are you going?” He continued chewing his gum while his dark eyes were begging to be shut.
“Can I stay the night?” It was weird to hear my own voice after hours of silence in the pavement. Also when I was trying to hide the pleading tone shaking my voice.
“Uuum-yeah you can sleep in the kitchen, but why? Are you okay?” He raised his eyebrows in concern.
Güney was never the friendliest collaege to me, and I definitely did not need his sympathy right then.
“I-my landlord kicked me out I’ll just stay one night I promise I’ll fix everything and-“
“What do you mean he kicked you out?!”
“Because I didn’t pay the rent.” Even talking about what happened this morning made me feel ill and dizzy. I shook my head and walked up to the kitchen.
“You could stay at my place.” He offered in a low, cautious tone, standing awkwardly in the doorframe. Trusting a stranger I see almost everyday? Nope. Never.
I stared at him dead in the eyes. “I’m good. Thank you.”
He creeped out of the dark room with measured steps. And I was, once again, left alone. I sat on the counter for the next couple of minutes, staring at the distance while the fridge continuously beezed in my ears. I would lie if I claimed that I wasn’t scared to be all alone in a restaurant at midnight. Surely, the doors were locked, but my mind was a bastard who enjoyed visualizing diverse scenarios of a psychopath suddenly breaking in. Fortunately, the knives and axes were at reach, hanging gravely from the rank.
I tightened my grip around the edge of the counter. I could hear the already ruined house of my life collapsing into the deep abyss of misery. I would turn into a poor girl drowning in povert while she carries her dead dreams on her hunched shoulders. I would be useless. I would fail.
A vague, booming sound from afar rang in my ears. I found myself totally frozen when I only moved my eyeballs towards the door. I greeted my teeth as though it would magically create a shield for me. The sound was heard again; now three times in a row like knocking. I held my breath to hear every single noise resembling footsteps.
Knocking again. In utter silence, I picked one of the huge knives, and [walking silently] out of the kitchen. White knuckling the handle, my nails were penetrating my sweaty palm.
Before I knew it, a thunder striked just a few meters away. My eyes went blind and my ears went deaf for a brief moment, my heart skipping a beat. I stumbled, but maintained my balance by holding onto one of the tables. Gathering my mind, I aimed the tip of the knife to where it just exploded. But to my shock, evrything was in its place. Not even a single crack could be seen on the windows.
Instead, there stood a tall, masculine figure. Due to darkness I could only see the blackness of his robe and a triangle on his head. Two balls of blue light were shining intensely where his eyes supposed to be. Even though he seemed to be totally alright, tiny fractions of electricity lit up his fists, and occasionally connected the edge of that triangle to his neck.
My lungs begged to empty themselves, but even a small noise was deadly threatening. Was he an alien?
“Atoosa Aryan?” He called.
My heart dropped down to my belly. My thoughts stuck in a tight knot, and so did my tongue.
“I am Raiden, the god of thunder.” He lifted his gloved hand. “There is no need to be afraid. My mere intention is to save you.”
A few minutes later, I found myself sitting before him on one the tables.
“Do we know each other?” I mumbled weakly, afraid that if I blinked for a second, he would rip my throat out.
“I am certain that you have never heard of me untill this moment.” There was a soothing hint of patience in his nonchalant tone. “However, I have heard about you many times in the past two decades. I am well aware of your iron-bending power, Miss. Aryan.”
My heart skipped a beat. He knew too much about me, even the tiniest bit of control I have over iron which I had concealed even from myself. Was he really a god? No, it would be too stupid of me to believe him. He was probably a very professional thief who had taken his job a bit too seriously. What did he want to steal from me though? I had nothing.
He continued. “I am here to offer you a place among the defenders of the realm.”
If he wasn’t a well-trained thief, the he was definitely a psychopath. But that didn’t make sense considering how everything about him seemed too real.
In the next half an hour he took his time to explain about how those defenders defend our realm which he called Earthrealm. He was a god whose main responsibility was to protect this realm. And seemingly, one of his minor duties was to find miserable people like me - with supernatural powers - and train them to be fighters.
That was ridiculous. But a part of my heart begged my brain to believe it.
Writing Taglist(to be added/removed): @vivilovespink @scentedcandleibex @darialovesstuff @confidentandgood @spacestephh @takiisieju-moved @inafieldofdaisies @carlosoliveiraa @shegetsburned @bloody-arty-myths @zoetheneko @hi-thisiszira @admin-pipes @mitsuko-saito @malewifefirestar @krysta-cross @elderglocks @breakfwest @middlechildwhoescapedthebasement @ninibear3000 @sinclxirx @gavincruikshanksexhusband @voidika @orbitinytheworld @strangefable @bihanspookies @valyrra @simonxriley
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Maybe You Have A Anxious Attachment…
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Hey, babesss I recently realized I had an anxious attachment and it was starting to affect certain parts of my life specifically my friendships. I had a lot of friendships I was clinging on to because of my anxious attachment I was giving more of myself in these friendships and not receiving anything in return while people pleasing. All of this triggered from my anxious attachment and I wanted to share the things I’ve learned that could help you if you have an anxious attachment.
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What is an attachment style? 
♡ An attachment style is a kind of bond we form with others. We develop these kinds of bonds at a young age from the interactions we have with our parents/guardians. These attachment styles follow us into our adulthood.
♡ There are four attachment styles: secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment.
♡ Secure Attachment: You feel secure in your own space and can be open and supportive towards others.
♡ Anxious Attachment: You do not trust other feelings towards you and need constant reassurance.
♡ Avoidant Attachment: You have trouble opening up and showing your emotions.
♡ Disorganized Attachment: you do not trust. You either push people away or have an unhealthy need for closeness. 
Where does your anxious attachment come from?
♡ This attachment style is formed when a child learns that they cannot depend on their parent/guardian to meet their comfort needs.
♡ This is a result of inconsistent or distant parenting.
♡ Most people with anxious attachments had parents/guardians who were easily overwhelmed, switched between being attentive to pushing away, and made the child feel responsible for their feelings.
Signs you have an anxious attachment? 
♡ Codependency. 
♡ Fears of Rejection.
♡ Fears of Abandonment.
♡ Overly Sensitive To Criticism.
♡ Issues With Jealousy. 
♡ Low Self-Esteem.
♡ Feeling Unworthy of Love. 
♡ Trust Issues.
What can trigger your anxious attachment?
♡ Arguments.
♡ Inconsistent Behavior From Others.
♡ When People You Are Close To Are Being Distant.
♡ Someone Important To You Forgets A Special Occasion
♡ Broken Trust.
How to go from anxiously attached to securely attached 
♡  Learn Breathing Techniques. Breathing can help ground you in moments of anxiety before reacting pause, focus, and breath. 
♡ Change Your Thinking. When a negative thought or idea pops up switch your brain to something positive (plans, shopping, and vacations)
♡ Learn to self-soothe. Learn to calm yourself down in a way that is relaxing maybe that is walking, breathing, yoga, or prayer.
♡ Reparenting Yourself. Healing your inner child is the most important part of shifting your anxious attachment to a secure attachment. Inner child journaling prompts, inner child books, and so many other forms of inner child healing. Talk to yourself the way you wished your parent would have talked to you. Pamper yourself the way you wish you had been when you were a child. Be your parent<3333
♡ Express Yourself. Instead of allowing all your emotions to build up express your feelings. I recommend journaling as a form of self-help. There are other ways like art, dance, and exercise.
♡ Surround Yourself With Secure Attachment. Build friendships/relationships with people who have a secure attachments you will be able to learn what a secure stable relationship is like. 
♡ Practice Being Vulnerable. To go from anxiously attached to securely attached try to be more vulnerable while also creating emotional safety for yourself. Learn to express your feelings, needs, dislikes, and desires. 
♡ Therapy. This is a must!!! Therapy is so beneficial when going through this journey having someone be there for you and guide you. I highly recommend BetterHelp! 
♡ Practice Mindfulness And Gratitude. Mindfulness is being present in the moment you can practice mindfulness by doing meditation, walking meditation, yoga, and gardening. Gratitude is the practice of being grateful for the things you have in your life and your body. Say thank you to your body, hug yourself, and nourish your body with nutritious foods. Be grateful for the little things in your life especially the things you take for granted like walking and your bed.
♡ Self Care. Take time for yourself to do things that make you feel relaxed and loved. That could be booking a spa treatment, painting, reading, and skincare. There a many other forms of self-care.
♡ Be Kind To Yourself. This is not an easy transition you have lived with this attachment style your entire life it will take some time to change it so be patient with yourself.Positive self talk is important affirm yourself and cancel out negative thoughts with positive ones.
Healing is a scary process in the beginning especially if you’re going from people-pleasing and being anxiously attached to people to building boundaries and standards. But you need to practice all of these skills and techniques so you can grow. 
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fairycosmos · 2 days
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I'm sorry to do this bc I know you get so many ppl venting and you have your own shit to deal with and yet ppl on here constantly implicitly ask you to console them which is incredibly emotionally labour intensive. However all that being said. I found out my cat who is 9 but is very young looking and active and shows no sign of pain or suffering has large cell lymphoma (general prognosis 6-9 months) and I'm literally broken. She's my best friend. I've been through years where I've had no friends but I've always had her and she's everything to me and I've known a lot of cats who live to late teens so I had expected that for her and this has come out of nowhere and is just so soul destroying because she is my whole world and I love her so so much. she's literally saved my life (have been at the point of kms so many times but didn't for her) and now she probably wont be here next year and I don't know how to keep existing without her and I didn't know who else to tell. I really appreciate your kind and honest presence on this site it's very cleansing and healing and ik this is a parasocial thing to say/feel but you are like a friend to so many. so thanks. even just having a space to say this stuff is invaluable. You have helped and comforted and offered love and insight to so many people despite your own suffering. Much love to you, I hope the universe treats you with lots of kindness going forward.
i am so so sorry to hear this - sometimes i honestly can't believe how cruel life can be. i wish there was something tangible i could say that would make a change to what you're feeling but my experience with grief (all types of grief esp preemptive grief like what you're dealing with) has proven to me that words often ring hollow when you're going through it. i do want to offer some understanding and some comfort despite that, i just know it may be hard for you to register right now and that's alright. losing a pet is so so deeply painful and it's completely normal to be devastated and taken aback by this news - anyone would be. at the same time it sounds like your cat is deeply lucky to have you and to be loved so completely by someone. while what you're both going through is horrific, i am so glad she has you to take care of her and that she ended up having a wonderful life with you - the gift you have given her and continue to give her every day just by being her owner is huge and i hope you continue to remind yourself that as you confront there next few months. she is warm and fed and taken care of and she has the best chance of living longer with her condition bc of the care and love you continue to show her. i know this is much much easier said than done but please try to take it one day at a time and make every moment count with her - it's easy to get lost in the idea of losing her but she is still here and you still have time together, albeit not as much time as you both deserve. i can't stand how much of a gamble of luck everything seems to be and how horrible things happen to ppl and animals who truly deserve so much more - that anger, despair and incredulity still hits me day after day and i feel it very hard on your behalf rn. you have every right in the world to process that sense of feeling like your soul has been destroyed on whatever timeline works for you. as long as you continue to move forward, hour to hour or minute to minute despite it all.
are you able to talk to any friends/family about this? i only ask bc pet loss is one of the hardest things in the world to go through and i think having some sort of super system could make the days feel a little more manageable. if not, please feel free to message me and share updates, stories, vents etc about your cat and how you're doing - i lost my childhood dog a few yrs back and i do understand. it's such a heavy feeling to carry around with you all the time. i would also recommend joining a pet loss support group as another option too, bc so so many people sadly completely get what youre going through. i hope your little girl is doing OK today and that you are taking care of yourself as much as you feel able to as you process this news. if you need to break down, go to sleep, scream, punch pillows, be numb - that's alright. there's no wrong way to react to this. i just hope you give yourself some grace as you do. sending so so much love to you both - and thank you so much for the insanely kind words by the way. you didn't have to say that and it really made my night better that you did. so sorry you're in this position. X
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Bengiyo Queer Cinema Syllabus
Not to sound repetitive but, I had a busy couple weeks, but finally had a second to return to @bengiyo’s queer cinema syllabus. I am currently working my way through Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley, the totally light-hearted, definitely not agonizing section of the syllabus where I get to watch countless acts of violence be committed against queer people. Thank fuck I have Lesbians waiting for me at the end of this unit. The films in Unit 4 are: Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004), Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986), Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffery (1995), and Boys on the Side (1995).
Today I will be talking about
Parting Glances (1986) dir. Bill Sherwood
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[Run Time: 1:30, Available: tubi and fubo, Language: English]
Summary: As Michael and Robert, a gay couple in New York, prepare for Robert's departure for a two-year work assignment in Africa, Michael must face Robert's true motives for leaving while dealing with their circle of eccentric friends, including Nick, who is living with AIDS.
Cast: 
John Bolger as Robert
Richard Ganoung as Michael 
Steve Buscemi as Nick 
__
Well, I have to say this was very much not what I was expecting for the first AIDS related movie of the syllabus. After some pretty hefty violent deaths of queer characters in the first half of Unit 4, I was very much anticipating the heart wrenching tragedies to continue immediately once I hit the AIDS epidemic portion. But Parting Glances very much subverted my expectations of what I was walking in to, because honestly…so much of it was lovely. 
It’s not that tragedy is not a part of this movie, it is, it’s just hidden under the layer of friendship, community, and love that feels like the core theme of the film. I am thinking about the party at Joan’s and how much happiness and celebration was happening there, with community abound, and yet how Michael kept telling people they should call Nick because he would appreciate it, showing just how much Nick has lost of his own community since his HIV/AIDS diagnosis. 
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I really loved how real these relationships to one another felt, the way that Michael and Robert were playful with each other, the way that Nick sat on Michael’s lap so casually for a few minutes when Michael cooked him dinner, I loved the conversation Robert had with his ex-girlfriend, the young and hopeful queer boy who wished to live forever. I just loved watching the queer community be a queer community. 
Even in the moments that get a little dour, where Michael gets especially weepy with Nick, those scenes did not make me sad, did not destroy me the way other films in this syllabus have, because that is just grief. Grief is a mighty and terrible thing, but I find beauty in it as well. I find beauty and loveliness in the fact that those tears came from Michael finally admitting to Nick that he loved him, that Nick got to hear himself that he was loved, especially when so many people seemed to have fallen away from him after his diagnosis. I find comfort in the conversations about death that Michael and Joan have together, because those are conversations I’ve had, they feel familiar, they feel like a natural part of life, perhaps they should not have to feel those points so soon, but Nick himself is right, living forever is the only thing none of us can do. 
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I really loved that we saw Nick when he was at a stage in his illness where he was simply being careful, but was still full of life, energetic, that he was able to be a support system for Michael and was not only being tended to. We know what is coming, but we are not made to see it. I was really in to what the film did with it’s use of ominous backing track, that Nick could hear it, that it felt like the progression of his illness, that it felt like a sense of impending doom, a cloud that hangs over Nick. 
Throughout a lot of this film I found myself thinking about The Inheritance Part One & Part Two, a play written in 2016 based off of the book Howard’s End by EM Forster. I saw this play a few years back and was lulled in to a false sense of security that this would not be a play about AIDS because it was set in the relatively modern day with a focus on younger queer characters, but ohhhhhhh how wrong I was. Towards the end of the first part, we hear a story from a character named Walter, an older gay man that lived in the same building as the main characters, and he recounts the story of his life, how his husband, Henry, built a farm outside of New York city for the two of them to live in…right around the time that AIDS started decimating the area. How that distance still was not good enough for Henry so he would leave on business trips, because his fear of catching AIDS was so strong. 
Walter tells the story of when he went back in to the city for the first time, and ran in to a friend he used to know, who had acquired AIDS and was on the brink of death. He talks about how when Henry was away, he brought that kid to the farm Henry had built to hide from AIDS, and Walter cared for that boy until he died. Walter talks about doing that again and again and again and again, dozens of times, he would go in to the city, bring a friend back home, and care for them until they passed. 
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^[sidebar: I very much do not like Robert]
Part of the play ends with Walter being asked what it was like at that time, Walter asks the main characters to name someone they know, they give a name, he says “they’re dead. Give me another name, he’s dead”. For what felt like minutes, name after name after name is called and name after name after name is dead. When I saw that scene I broke down in the theater, I cried for the entirety of the walk back to the train station, I was brought to the brink of tears at the thought of that scene for a month after I saw the show. 
I mention this because it was all that I could think about while watching Robert and Michael interact with one another, while seeing this plot unfold. Robert fleeing New York while Michael stayed to care for his dying friend. Knowing that Walter and Henry stayed together after all was said and done, after Henry had stopped running from reality, and the death rates had slowed; then seeing Robert decide not to go to Africa, and how Michael did not show any signs of planning to break up with Robert knowing, despite knowing how Robert felt too settled, how Robert had chosen to go, despite knowing that Robert was running from loss, and running from being a support for Michael when the love of his life finally dies. 
So despite the fact that Parting Glances didn’t evoke the same feelings, though I felt like overall it was a relatively upbeat, uptempo, gentle film, the current underneath it all, the dying underneath it all, the tragedy is right there but it is just out of reach. 
Favorite Scene 
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I think my favorite scene is when Joan and Michael are laying in bed together, holding stuffed animals at Robert’s going away party while they just casually talk about death and dying. It just felt very much like a conversation I have had with my best friend on multiple occasions, especially lately because we've had a number of deaths happen in our lives recently. And yes, my friend and I both match the type of conversation part this scene, and also the beating each other up with stuffed animals part of this scene.
Obviously we do not spend enough time with the other characters at the party to know exactly what is going on in their lives, and there is not doubt many if not all of them have lost loved ones to AIDS, but we know that Joan and Michael are really the only two people who go and visit Nick, and it feels so symbolic of the weight that they are shouldering caring for their dying friend to have the only two people who have not cut themselves off from Nick be sitting together, in another room away from all the other gay attendees, discussing, speculating, joking about death. 
Favorite Quote
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We all know the real right answer is: “Straight men are jerks. Gay men are jerks. Straight women are jerks. That leaves lesbians and they are off in their ivory towers laughing their heads off at the rest of us. I should’ve been a dyke” 
But I am going to go for the more serious:
“...look at the others, waiting, wondering if some innocent moment of pleasure long past can set them up with the ultimate form of [German word my subtitles did not state]...  I’d like to stage a piece in which all of the performers are people who are terminally ill, can you imagine the intensity, the concentration, the purpose”
This is said off-handedly in a conversation between Joan and a heterosexual male artist who was attending the party. I put it here for two reasons: a) the first half is a very succinct commentary on the state of the queer community (at least who were at the party) and feels like general commentary about the movie’s premise as a whole. Especially because Nick talks about how he didn’t realize how long the gestation period of HIV was, and by the time he started taking protective measures it was already too late. b) because the second half is just the most pretentious, absolutely mindless, careless, and shitty thing to say to someone who is actively losing a friend to a terminal illness. This fucking hetero artist came in to a room full of queer people and decided that dying people would be great to put in to his next project for ~The Vibes~ and I love that comment so much because first, it shows how much he Does Not Get It, and second because of how much disgust is baked in to Joan’s “Excuse me” as she leaves before he can finish his thought. 
Because to say that to someone who is watching loved one after loved one after loved one die before their eyes is an absolutely disgusting thing to do (in my opinion). 
Final Score
8/10
Up next, Philadelphia (1993)
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softpine · 1 month
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This might be juvenile, but do you have any tips on not comparing yourself to others? (Especially when it comes to note count or popularity.) I’ve been posting a story for over a year and it hardly gets any traction. It’s tough for me to see new creators post and get hundreds or even thousands of notes. I hate that I’m doing this but don’t know how to quit it!
this is not juvenile!! i struggle with this myself, especially knowing that i hit my peak years ago and i've been on the decline ever since – but only by numbers alone! i'm more proud of my story than i've ever been, i'm more attached to my characters, i'm putting more love and thought into everything, but i had to be realistic with myself and understand that i'll never pull even half the notes i did in 2020. gone are the days when i would wake up to 3 new anons about my story and dms from people every day (i can't believe i used to get overwhelmed by it...) and i would be lying if i said it didn't make me sad sometimes, because we're humans and our brains are practically wired to crave the hit of happy chemicals you get from seeing the stupid number go up 😭 it does feel demotivating. it makes me feel less urgency to post quicker if i convince myself that no one is waiting for me anyway, which means i post less, which means even less people stick around, which makes me post less, and on and on. it's a tough thing for me to come to terms with in all honesty.
but it helps to remember that i would be writing even if no one is reading. and i know that, because i have! i've written entire novel-length fics that i've never published, i've written countless short stories in the frozen pines universe that i'll never post, i've created alternate universes that will never be shown, etc. i do it because the idea is in my head and it needs to Get Out and i'm kinda just a conduit for that. that might not apply to you, and that's okay! everyone is different. the important thing is to really sit down and think about WHY you write and what you get out of it. which part of the process makes you happiest? what makes you feel a sense of fulfillment / satisfaction? play to your strengths. try not to spend your time doing things you think other people will enjoy and instead, spend more time on the things that make you happy. for me, i haaaaate editing and i always have, so lately i've been trying to speed through it a little bit quicker even if it means the final product won't be as appealing to others. (this is still a work in progress for me...) i have more fun when i experiment with different writing styles, which might not appeal to others because it takes longer and i don't really have a recognizable style, but i don't care anymore because i'm having fun! ask yourself what YOU want from your story, and then write for yourself and only yourself.
essentially what i'm saying is: there will ALWAYS be people more popular than you, and there's no guarantee that when you find the popularity you seek, you'll be able to keep it. so you need to find some sort of intrinsic motivation to continue or you'll just keep comparing yourself to others forever and you'll deny yourself the joy of creation! "comparison is the thief of joy" could not be more true!!
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brookheimer · 11 months
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……starting to think a lot of you do not know what the word empathetic means
#i have a lot to say about this but it is going to have to wait a few days until i’m no longer up to my ears in work#but here’s a little thing to tide you over: empathy does not a good person make#a capacity for empathy is in no way a capacity let alone willingness for good#empathy and intense horrendous cruelty are not mutually exclusive#if you think that evil comes in a single form if you think evil is just pure callousness coldness spot-it-a-mile-away inability to love#then no fucking wonder people keep doing evil terrible things like in real life and your response is always ?! W hat ?!#shocking: terrible evil people are still people. they are not robots of pure malice. they were once babies with coloring books#that’s not saying we should feel bad for them or anything at all!!! just that you guys seem allergic to acknowledging that it doesn’t take a#category 5 sociopath to commit an atrocity#everyone go read arendt’s banality of evil and go watch act of killing by joshua oppenheimer#no wonder trump keeps winning. y’all don’t view his supporters as people with any qualities other than Racism#like i know this is a fictional character but the response here is so indicative of this much broader issue that makes me want to scream#i get it. you’ve lived in a bubble your whole life and never interacted with people vastly different from yourself and had to acknowledge#their personhood as much as their viewpoints disgusted you. talk to a conservative once in your life it might be mind blowing#not bc you’ll be like WOAH :o THEYRE NOT SO BAD AFTER ALL! no!!!!! because they ARE that bad and they are also regular normal people!!!!!#you are all so incapable of viewing anyone you dislike as having internal lives! christ!#this is how trump won! how do you not see this!#seriously go watch act of killing go watch anwar who murdered hundreds of people in cold blood warmly scold his grandchild for poking a duck#too hard. like the most horrifying part of horrible ppl who commit atrocities is that they aren’t caricatures of evil#we wish they were it would make it easier to understand#agh i’m rambling i’ll shut up#god watch ppl be like Uh why are you defending trump/genocide/fascists etc#dumb fucks i’m telling you the most terrifying part about those people is that they are actually people that’s what makes it so hard to#comprehend bc atrocities are so much easier to swallow when you can pretend a force of pure evil is behind it#okokokok good night lol
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caeslxys · 1 year
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certain beloved members of vm and m9 are similar levels of morally ambiguous and unable to decisively deal with their personal shit that imogen temult is but only one them is constantly shit on for it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#cr spoilers#vaguely? I don't even wanna tag that bc this is a little controversial in tone#'but imogen's shit doesn't make sense bc she has a support system and still refuses to deal'#liam obrien had an evil caleb playlist READY TO GO like????#taliesan has talked On END about how percy is a piece of shit#(affectionate)#god forbid the woman who had her entire life repeatedly wrecked from before the first episode and every five or so episodes after#be just like. a little fucking frayed. a bit on edge#also she repeatedly REPEATEDLY asked to just be told she was wrong all episode. she was BEGGING for clarity#not because she thought they were right. but because it's so hard for her to say that her mother is wrong#when she so badly wants to be able to save her and love her#she just wishes her mother wasn't involved how she is???#oh I'm sorry I forgot she's supposed to just. get over that. in a totally believable and human way#this is the closest I'm gonna get to Discourse bc it's not worth it but keeping these thoughts in my brain is abt to make me explode so#also!! this is not me shitting on percy or caleb!! they are also The Skrunkly of their respective campaigns for me!!#and I don't think either is a bad person!!!#I do think they were given more incentive to heal in less episodes than imogen has been given all campaign tho lol#also yes I know that people exist who Do shit on these two for exactly this#even with that it is not nearly what I have seen go imogen's way#also the universal queer sentiment of 'she tried to show me a world that was peaceful if only I went back to being normal'#I just don't get it 😭
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blackccelebration · 10 months
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It's so weird when people are proud of having read 0 books in their entire lives... I respect the fact people are different and not everyone likes literature obviously. But why being proud of that?
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I think I just lost 2 good friends
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stellacendia · 6 months
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Actually I've decided I'm sick of being cis people's only irl experience with genderqueer/nonbinary people
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